#I don’t have hobbies. I played squash 3 times and I was quite good at it

[emotinalsupportturtle]

This may be the most relatable a celebrity has ever been;

David Tennant interviewed for Hello magazine (2009)

[floweryfreelance]

𝕴𝖓𝖌𝖗𝖆𝖙𝖆 𝕽𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖙𝖚𝖘

CHAPTER SIX

Table of Contents

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |

This work of fiction is an original collaborative work between tumblr users @theearltrancy and @floweryfreelance. Its original format was in that of a roleplay, and has been edited to be a more cohesive story. This work was created on 11.10.20 and completed on 11.30.20.

Please consider following each author for more fictional works.

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The end of the day grew nearer as the sky turned dark, the servants of Phantomhive Manor making their rounds and lighting the candles that illuminated the hallways, foyer and dining room of the building. Over dinner, Ciel began to have trouble focusing on their conversation, something he hoped Alois wasn’t picking up on too easily. Every time his gaze arose from his plate with the intention of looking at his lover, they always seemed to be caught in the eyes of the demon Claude standing several feet away. All those years ago, he often felt threatened by even the mere presence of Claude, but knowing now that the two were responsible for keeping a secret, a secret that could mean the end of him if found out, it was leaving him more on edge than usual.

Upon hearing his name leave Alois’ lips, he snapped back to attention, unsure of just how long he had been oblivious to Alois’ words. “I.. I’m sorry, yes? I went away for a moment there.” He tried to cover for himself. “I must be tired from the long day.”

Smiling softly in response, the blonde looked down at the table, having noticed the other man unable to focus. It was fully his cross to bear, and in response he turned to look at Claude, much of the anger from the morning having faded but still a tension between the two. 

“Claude, why don’t you go prepare some snacks for later and set them in the study?” He suggested, though a threatening tone still laced his voice. “When you’re done, go see if the other servants need any help. I’m sure that maid is tied up somewhere in god knows what” 

With that, the butler nodded and left the room, though a glare crossed his face. It wasn’t as if Claude wanted to follow any of his master’s orders, but bound to contract, refusal meant contradicting his nature. Alois took this seriously, wishing he’d follow simply because he was masking as a butler; the lifestyle proved difficult for some demons. 

“I was saying how I need to challenge you to a rematch,” he chimed, turning back around and picking up his fork, stabbing a piece of beef that was tenderly cooked to perfection and glazed in a hearty sauce. “If I can beat you once in chess, I can do it a million times!”

Sebastian stood by the door, stepping aside as Claude exited. He shared a glance with his master, earning a small nod from Ciel as a confirmation to follow him, and so he did. As Claude left the room, it was as if the air opened up. It was physically apparent how Ciel had been able to ease himself now that it was only the two of them in the room.

He cleared his throat, taking a sip of water to alleviate the feeling of dryness in his mouth he hadn’t noticed until now. “Yes, well,” he smirked, seemingly back to his normal sarcastic self. “If you’re to beat me in chess a million times, we’ll have to play at least five million games, four million of which I will win.” He bragged, never competitive about chess until he was faced with a cocky opponent such as Alois.

Seeing as they were now alone, Ciel decided to take the opportunity to ask a question he’d rather now have heard by either of their butlers. “So, assuming you’re staying again tonight,” he began quite nonchalantly, pausing to take a small bite of roasted potato. “Who’s room will we end up in this time?” Ciel’s teasing tone was always one of nonchalance; instead of acting playful he would simply act as if he didn’t care, always hoping to get a rise out of whomever he was speaking to.

Alois spoke with his mouth full, never having fully shedded his lack of manners. The man was never fond of them, never having made any particular use of them. “I like this game we’re playing,” he remarked, pointing at the other with the tip of his fork, “I suppose yours, since you’re so eager. I don’t think I’ll get a moment away from you, do you?” He purred, twirling his fork with his words. 

Chuckling lightly to himself, leaning back in his seat. The moment would be stored in his brain, a painting that would crack over the years. Lovers sharing a casual dinner, he logged, romanticizing every second he was able to. And if he were allowed, he would paint in every age spot, prolonging the memory for the next generation. 

The rest of the dinner passed with laughs and even more stories shared between the two men. Alois described his French home, suggesting he’d kick out the two lovers inhabiting it in a dramatic declaration of love. Perhaps with a staged fire, or an eviction notice, something of the sort. Those walls were to hold love, and he would only allow theirs to seep into them, no matter who he allowed into his own bed. 

Illuminated by the fire, the two men had retired to the study once again. Alois himself was running his finger along the spines of books that hadn’t been touched in years, taking a particular passing interest in the ones on gardening. It was a hobby he found dirty and beneath him, but he always wanted to understand how things began and thus, died. He wondered what he could do in order to keep a plant alive, even preserve one after its passing. 

“Do you read any of these?” He asked, noting the cover of dust on some of the pages of the ones he pulled off the shelf to flip through. “No interest in… horticulture? Oscar Wilde? Picture of Dorian Grey?”

Ciel sat in the armchair by the left out chess set, illuminated by the fire as he played with a Knight piece in his hand. He looked over at Alois, squinting slightly to see the book he had picked up.

“Most of them I read in childhood,” he commented, attention turning back to the chess piece. “Many of them haven’t ever been read. I used to have less work, and more time alone. Now I hardly have any time for such things.” Something in his tone was nostalgic as he recalled the days he would spend alone in his study or his bedroom as a young child. Before there was much work for him to do for the Queen, he would often read in isolation, always asking Sebastian to bring him a new book to escape into. That’s what most of them were, after all; escapes.

As calm and collected as he tried to appear, Ciel wasn’t always the most gifted at concealing his emotions. Though his facial expression was rather mute and nonchalant, something about him was still off; his aura, perhaps. It was the same energy Alois felt from across the dinner table. Something was still bothering him, and he wouldn’t speak of it. Likely, that something was related to Claude, one way or another.

It’s a good book,” he noted, opening it and flipping through to a particular passage- “ We are punished for our refusals. Every impulse that we strive to strangle broods in the mind, and poisons us. The body sins once, and has done with its sin, for action is a mode of purification… . Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what it's monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful. It has been said that the great events of the world take place in the brain. It is in the brain, and the brain only, that the great sins of the world take place also. “ He smirked, closing it and placing it back in its place. “How naive.” 

The man looked over now to his lover, noticing finally his expression. A look of concern settled onto the other’s face, a frown forming. He strode over to the chair by the fire that he rested in, taking his place on the arm if it, allowing the velvet of his coat to buckle and wrinkle with the action. Soft, he placed his own hand over the other’s, staring longingly into the fire himself. 

“Two pence for your thoughts, my dear?” Alois inquired, quiet.

Ciel shifted in his seat as Alois sat on the arm of the chair, making a bit more room for the both of them to be comfortable. He leaned his head into his palm and stared at the fire, his other hand being held by the other’s. He thought for a few moments before speaking, hoping to articulate his mess of thoughts in a clear way.

“This.. secret we’re keeping,” he began, the heat from the fire beginning to make his exposed eye feel dry. Ciel turned to look up at Alois, trying desperately to squash his unease. “I’ve kept secrets before- Hell, I’m keeping us a secret rather well..” His thoughts began to wander, and so he trailed off, his mind darting from worry to worry as he struggled to figure out what to say next.

Alois sighed, his other hand reaching up to run through the man’s dark hair in hopes of comforting him. True, the situation was taxing when it wasn’t blissful, and while the blonde did his best to ignore that he knew his lover wouldn’t be capable. 

“Which part of it is the part bothering you now?” He inquired, smiling down at his lover, icy blue eyes seeking an answer before he responded. 

Outside the door, Claude had been following his hated rival for the majority of the evening. The two had cleaned the entire manor, folding every sheet possible and washing every window. It would make his blood boil if he’d had any human traits to speak of. It was then that he heard his master, wondering if there had been a speck of information he could use for himself. Surely, there was something here he could glean from the experience. He stopped in front of the closed door, pressing an ear softly against it.

The Earl ran both of his hands over his face, sighing as he stood from his chair abruptly. His reaction came across as frustrated, though he was truthfully only scared.

“Which part do you think?” He spat, purposely speaking to the other side of the room so as to not make Alois think he was angry at him. “Alois, if that butler of yours-” He turned to face him, taking a breath as he ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm down. “If Claude knew what we know, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill me. And ironically, that’s something I can handle.” He pointed out, beginning to pace. “I’ve lived most of my life just waiting for death to take me. But he’d likely go after you, too..” Ciel’s voice softened slightly at the end of his rant, the thought of Alois being killed making him feel as if he were being suffocated by the air around him.

Pouting slightly at the outburst, Alois felt again like a child in the arms of a demon that was so much bigger than he’d ever hope to be. He could kill himself off as many times as he wished; he would never truly die until Claude wanted him to and was able to collect his soul as a light snack before killing his lover as well. With his luck, he’d probably live through it and watch Ciel die. The thought alone made him feel like he was about to choke. Both his hands dropped to the arm of the chair, steadying himself. 

“I just… need a way to do it gently.” He pleaded, locking his gaze on his lover’s face. “My revenge is over. If he knew that, he would be able to go… I don’t know- rogue.” He stated, gritting his teeth at the thought. “Releasing him from the contract, if he knew it was fulfilled, we could both die. I doubt he’d pass up an opportunity to end us both.”

Ciel raised a brow, turning back to face Alois with a look of disbelief on his face. “Gently?” he repeated. “And how, exactly, would you even go about that?” Ciel crossed to Alois, cupping his cheeks and holding his head in his hands. “I know you want to believe there’s a way for this to go well, I do as well. But there simply isn’t.” If one looked closely enough, they could see the fear in his exposed eye, his pupil small and quivering. Ciel dropped his hands to Alois’ shoulders. “He’ll kill us, or at least try to, no matter how you go about telling him.”

The young man turned away once again, crossing his arms across his chest as he rested his chin between his thumb and forefinger. His shoulders rose and fell as he took a deep breath, determined to calm down. There was no point in getting worked up about it now, not here and not like this.

“I’ll help you if I must. I’ll bring Sebastian if you think it’ll help protect us from whatever rage, wrath- whatever follows.” He spoke in a serious voice, completing his thought before looking towards Alois over his shoulder. “But we needn’t come up with a plan tonight. As long as we can keep this between us, we have time.”

The blonde was backed into a corner emotionally, trapped in a prison of his own creation. He’d wished many times that at the very least, Claude could be more like Sebastian- a protector, a friend, a loyal dog. That simply was never in the cards for him, tossed around like a nuclear bomb of emotion ever since he was young enough to feel again. Killing those who used him could only bring him so much safety, wrapped in the lies of a demon at the end of the night, every night. 

He buried his face in his hands, mind swirling as it did when he started to feel any strong emotion. Things like this made him feel small, like a child again in his own casket back when the old man was still alive. He’d be stolen and used over and over again - it was time for that to stop, now in his adulthood. 

“We… have to find a way.” He whispered, choking up as he lost himself in his own head once again. “I can’t spend my whole damned life afraid, Ciel. I want a chance!” 

Claude had heard everything, processing what he’d just heard his own master say. He was… free? He had been free for how long? When had Alois figured out that Sebastian hadn’t been the one to bring harm to his brother? Who had told him that they weren’t tied by fate, but instead only tied through lies and time? It would’ve been his deepest fear for the boy if he hadn’t also been freed in the meantime. He no longer had to wait for an order- he could collect Ciel, exact his own revenge, and set the table for a long-awaited feast. Perhaps years ago he would collect Alois as well, but the scent of him no longer enticed him.. What a disgusting thought, eating him. 

They had less time than they thought.

Hearing the quiver in Alois’ voice he turned to face him again, his expression turning to one of pity and regret. He shouldn’t have said anything. It could have waited another night.

Ciel approached him, kneeling down next to the armchair and gently taking Alois’ hand in his own. “I’m sorry,” he spoke softly, his thumb tracing soft circles on the other’s skin. “We don’t need to discuss it anymore tonight. We’ll come up with a plan later.” He planted a light kiss on the back of Alois’ hand, getting his attention so he could look him in the eye. “We’ll discuss it later. Come to bed with me, it’s late.”

He stood from his position, pulling gently on Alois’ hands to stand him up from the chair. Their hands squeezed each other lovingly, comfortingly, as they looked upon each other. “Come now then, bed.”

Ice blue eyes focused on the other, now wet with tears that had only begun to form. He wasn’t sure how his lover was able to calm him down so well. He blinked them away, sniffling slightly and nodding. With his free hand, he dusted his coat, a distraction more than anything. 

“Right, bed… Okay…” He responded, thoughts still far away. He followed reluctantly, dragging his feet the whole way to Ciel’s room. In a way, he wanted to be alone to think, speed up the process so in a few days he’d have a chance at living. Even he knew it wasn’t that simple, though. 

A soft knocking came to the door, revealing the Trancy butler with a fresh change of clothing for the night and another damp towel. Despite his mood, it couldn’t have come at a better time, wishing to wipe the dried tears from his cheeks. He’d been crying silently to himself, pretending to admire the fabrics of the room and settling in by the window to watch the gentle rain hitting the windowpane. Although his lover was certainly aware, the blonde couldn’t be rattled from one of these moods once he got into them. Even with their distance, his lover knew this to be true as well. 

He held his hand out, hearing Claude enter and feeling a familiar tingle on his tongue. These days, it was more of a burning feeling that betrayed the animosity they shared. He knew the steps of his demon’s feet, the sound he made when he was in a room, recognized the smell of his laundry, if only to give himself a couple more moments to prepare. The demon handed him the towel, wiping his face off and refusing to look over at him. 

“Leave the clothes over there on the bed,” he ordered, distant.

“I actually feel like staying.” Claude uttered, out of turn. This was unusual- normally he would linger or bicker, but always followed orders. He didn’t have any agency- did he? Alois’ eyes widened, the thought crossing his mind that he may have been too loud earlier.

Now in his bedroom together, Ciel sat on the edge of the bed, opposite the room as Alois. He knew his lover well enough to know when he needed to have a moment, but desired the presence of someone he trusted for comfort. And so, that’s what he did.

His back facing the door, he tensed up a bit as Claude entered, once again feeling the air around him grow thick. The young man decided it best to not say a word to the butler, and simply endure his presence until he did his duties and left.

Upon hearing Claude’s dissent, something in Ciel froze, something deep inside him. Looking towards Alois out of the corner of his eye, he saw the other’s look of shock and worry, and his own face began to mirror the same expression. Between the three of them, the room seemed to fall under a dark and heavy cloud of dread, one that was so thick it made them feel as if they could choke.

Did he hear them?

Frozen in his place, Alois felt awash with fear all of a sudden. He felt many emotions towards the other, but never endangered. His hand slowly rose to cover his mouth, beginning to shake. 

“Get-… Get out!” He screamed, turning to stand and face the butler, now only slightly taller. However, it was clear that the two were far from being on the same level with one another. Nose to nose, the demon smiled out of the side of his mouth, pushing up his glasses and walking away- only to meet Ciel and lean in close. The tension was palpable as he eyed the man, dissolved to just a child in front of him. He ran a cold index finger along the darker man’s jaw, lifting his chin so he couldn’t look away, a threat if there ever was one. 

“Trancy,” he began, low, “I hope you remember what being alone is like.” He stated. With that, he straightened and pushed back his glasses, walking towards the door frame. He stopped just before leaving, making eye contact with the Earl Trancy, his last moment as a proper Trancy butler. “You won’t be coming with.”

Turning on his heel to leave, Alois stood frozen in complete shock and defeat. He dropped to the floor, fear gripping him in its entirety. He felt his body rock with sobs, but he wasn’t aware of any of it, the action not coming from emotion but rather absolute shock. They were in danger, and he’d willingly die with Ciel, but to die without him, no longer wanted….

Ciel had nearly lost all control of his body as he was faced with the man, sitting down but feeling as if he would fall if he tried to stand. His entire body went cold, clammy and quivering, and he flinched as he felt a gloved finger run along his jaw. In Claude’s golden eyes he saw nothing but darkness, a threatening void that left an lingering sense of terror as he walked away.

A ringing in his ears silenced Alois’ sobs and the sound of the door shutting behind the demon as he left. Ciel couldn’t move, completely and utterly frozen in place as his mind tried to make sense of what just occurred. The desire to hit himself crossed his mind, just in case this were a dreadful nightmare he hadn’t yet woken up from. But it wasn’t.

Abruptly, Ciel shot up from his seat on the bed, stumbling forward and grabbing hold of the bed frame for support. He screamed for Sebastian, louder than he had ever screamed before, his voice growing hoarse and cracked the more he screamed. It was only moments before Sebastian appeared in the doorway, a look of intense concern on his face as he rushed to his master’s side, helping him stand as he took notice of Alois crumpled up on the floor.

“Master, what is it? What’s happened?” He inquired, completely unaware of the events that had happened just moments before his arrival.

“It’s..Claude..” Ciel choked out, putting most of his weight on Sebastian as he struggled to stand upright. “He’s going to kill me..”

“Dear master, he can’t-”

“HE CAN AND HE WILL!” He screamed, looking desperately into his demon’s eyes. “The contract has been filled, it was kept a secret from him.. He doesn’t answer to Trancy any longer, he’s going to try to kill me..” Ciel spoke quickly, eyes darting back and forth between Alois and the door. “He’s gone, but he’ll come back. No one comes onto the grounds, and no one leaves, do you understand me!?”

Sebastian’s eyes widened, admittedly shocked by the confession. His brows furrowed as he nodded and closed his eyes briefly, helping Ciel to sit back on the bed. “Yes, master. I’ll take appropriate action immediately.” The demon then left the room swiftly, determined to notify the other servants, both of Phantomhive and Trancy manor, and to search the grounds for any sign of Claude.

And so, they were left alone. The noble Phantomhive Earl sitting lifelessly in silence, and the stately Trancy Earl sobbing and balled up on the floor.

Alois pulled his knees to his chest in an effort to calm himself, still dryly sobbing to himself for a good few minutes in the dark of the night. He couldn’t yet bring himself to stand, reduced to a childlike state of shock. Claude didn’t even want him anymore… which in and of itself was hurtful enough. But then, he also wanted to take the one chance he had at happiness with him. He’d be left forever in a Hell of his own making, no solace to be found. The contract would leave him wealth and power, things while paled in comparison to companionship, once the only thing he actually wanted out of his demon.

Ciel’s screams echoed in his ears as if he were miles away or perhaps hearing them in a nightmare. Though, it must have been only moments before Sebastian found the other Trancy staff, Hannah rushing in to hold the man in her gentle arms. The Earl grabbed on tightly to her, knowing she would be the only one to love him if he ever lost his lover. She pushed his hair out of his tear-stained face as she got to work putting him back together. She whispered a few reassurances to the man, Alois hearing none of them and beginning to cough and choke on his tears. Holding a handkerchief to his mouth, she spent a few more moments with him in silence, the closest thing he had to a mother. 

“Ciel,” she began, looking behind her shoulder at the other man, also falling apart at the seams. “I swore to his brother to protect him. I know now that includes you.” She stated with the calm only a demon could manage in the moment. “I will not hesitate if I must break rank.” 

Still hearing none of the sounds in the room, Alois muffled his coughs against Hannah’s chest, raising a hand to hold the cloth to his own mouth now. He struggled to breathe, pretending instead that he was in the room alone and had the time to compose himself. He still shook and held the woman to steady his body. Hannah buried her face in the man’s golden hair, feeling the closest thing a demon could ever feel to fondness. 

“There, there… you’re going to be safe…”

Hearing his name seemed to shock Ciel back into reality, suddenly unsure of how long he had been frozen in place and time. He especially wasn’t used to hearing his first name leave a servant’s mouth, but that was the least of his worries. He snapped his head towards her, wide eyed and pale as he listened to her words, and nodded to show her he understood.

It wasn’t just them, then. They weren’t alone in this; they had Sebastian and Hannah, the remaining Phantomhive manor staff and perhaps even the triplets, if they could be of any help. He would remind Alois of this when he was calmer.

That thought struck Ciel then, suddenly seeming to snap him back into the real world and truly analyze what was going on. Claude knew that he was free from Alois. Claude was going to try to take his life, and leave Alois behind to suffer. They weren’t alone in defending themselves. It was as if Ciel’s mind, in an effort to preserve his sanity, turned to his work related thought processes, working to keep him grounded and practical. This wasn’t the time for him to act emotional. They didn’t have that leisure.

Ciel rose from the bed, timely moving to crouch in front of Alois and cup his cheeks with still shaky hands, reminding him he was still there. “Alois, look at me.” he ordered, lifting the man’s head so his eyes met his own. “My staff are doing a search of the perimeter. No one is getting in here.” He turned his attention towards Hannah. “We’ll sleep in here tonight, with the door open. You’ll stand guard in case he returns tonight.” There was no time to make polite requests. He turned back to Alois. “He’s gone, Alois, he isn’t here right now. It’s just us, and we’re protected for now.”

Hannah nodded, leaving Alois with one last squeeze of his hand. She stood, turning on her heel to walk to the doorframe and prepare for a long night. It was at this moment that the triplets ran up, catching her in the light of the hallway. She gave them instructions, too low for either man in the room to hear, and they saluted, only to run off in different directions. While they weren’t huge fans of the Earl himself, they were bound to the female instead and heeded her every order. If her orders were to protect Alois, they would without a single pause. 

The man shakily rested his own hands over his lover’s on his face, cold but steady. Through tears, he locked eyes with the other, searching for his reality. He blinked the tears from his eyes, sniffing and some clarity coming back to him. 

“He… doesn’t even want me..” He said, processing aloud. While this was not the primary concern, he always supposed that if the contract ended, he would at least put the blonde out of his misery. As a last slight, however, he planned to take everything from him and let him sit in it. He scrambled through his memories, that night he asked for the demon’s help playing on repeat. He’d felt so wanted back then, but now he knew it was only until he found something better. The tables turned, the demon seeking revenge on him and Sebastian at the same time. Ambitious. “He… I….”

Ciel’s heart felt like it was being squeezed in that demon’s grasp as he watched Alois struggling to bring himself back down and ground himself. His thumbs gently stroked his cheeks as he leaned his forehead against the other’s, closing his eyes. “He’s evil and he’s angry..” He reminded Alois, hoping he could help him see that, after everything, the demon’s actions weren’t that surprising at all. “He won’t take me,” You don’t know that. “We’re protected,” He’ll find a way in. “He’s not going to kill me,” He will. “And I promise you, you won’t be alone.”

It was then that Sebastian reappeared, sharing a brief word with Hannah before entering the room and standing before the two young men on the ground, though his attention was solely on his own master.

“Anything?” Ciel asked quietly, looking up at his butler as he cradled Alois’ head in his arms.

Sebastian shook his head. “No, master, no sign of him. He’s left the premises. But I have staff stationed around the manor, and I’ll be doing rounds of my own tonight.” He gestured towards Hannah. “I see Miss Hannah will be responsible for the Trancy Estate’s servants, and will be here tonight as well.”

Ciel nodded slowly, trying to take deep breaths. “Yes, she stays here. But I don’t want you going far, you hear me?” After all these years, Ciel would be lying if he claimed he didn’t feel uneasy whenever Sebastian wasn’t near. “You answer to me and me only, and I command you to protect me at all costs.” His voice was low now, threatening even, but not towards Sebastian. It was as he said before: he had gone most of his life expecting death to take him at any moment, but he’d be damned if he left Alois alone in this godforsaken world.

The blonde, now coming down slightly, allowed his head to rest against Ciel’s chest. It was in this manner that he insisted on hiding from the world if only for now. There was a period of time when he was wanted by the demon for his own flavor and not the people he could collect in his grasp. For companionship, he posed as the son of a sodomiser, mingling with the family of his former abuser for only the reassurance he had standing dutifully behind him. He had not wished for wealth nor power, but respect and companionship. If only he had known what it would turn into, he would’ve taken his revenge only on the Old Man, the true Earl of Trancy, and allowed himself to be taken with the demon into a cold, unforgiving Hell. 

His whole life now stemmed from those choices he’d made as a last resort when he was only thirteen. He wondered if he would have still met Ciel if he hadn’t been the fake Earl Trancy, but in this moment he almost wished he weren’t, all posturing and lies. Alive for naught but his rage and distaste for anyone who wasn’t him. and yet wanting someone to notice. Organically, someone had. If he hadn’t made that choice, perhaps even Hannah would’ve still eventually stepped forward for his brother, allowing him a chance at life. 

Alois looked up into Ciel’s eyes, making sure that that one person, this one thing, was real. Claude had… left the premises. Resentment was one thing, but this was another entirely. Abandonment. “I… I want to sleep…” He mumbled, still quite out of it. “I’ll… need help… untying…” 

Now the only two in the room, with the exception of Hannah’s presence by the door, Ciel helped Alois stand and walked him over to the bed. Without a complaint he began to unbutton the other’s coat, discarding it before moving onto his dress shirt and tie. He helped him undress silently, pulling a warm cotton robe from his wardrobe and pulling Alois’ arms through it. “Let’s not worry about night clothes, we’ll sleep in something warmer tonight.” Secretly, a part of him hoped the smell of him on the robe would calm Alois, perhaps even allow him to sleep.

After tying the robe snugly around the other man’s middle, he turned away to begin undressing himself, copying the same ritual and process of removing his clothes and folding them neatly on the table by the dresser beside Alois’. He, too, wrapped a warm robe around himself, circling around the other side of the bed to crawl in and under the covers beside Alois.

The two naturally turned into each other, this time with Ciel holding Alois tightly in his arms and combing his fingers through the blond’s hair in his chest. “We’re safe..” he whispered, letting the darkness engulf them, closing them in a small and comforting space that felt sturdy and reliable enough to be a fortress.

Whether or not the two of them would sleep that night or lay together in silence was hard to say.

Alois, unfortunately, was still reeling. His whole world shattered that night as he tried to build a new home in his lover’s arms. The robe made him feel only slightly better, smelling of the Earl Grey tea and merlot smell that encompassed the entire manor. In an effort to ground himself, he pulled it up to his face and smothered himself in it, trying his best not to think about his butler, betraying. 

He thought of Dorian Grey, a novel he’d found refuge in the whole time he’d been travelling. If his sins and choices were portrayed on his face, he wondered how ugly that would make him. He’d reeled the love of his life into this mess, reckless perhaps, but he’d known no other lifestyle. Were he simply wealthy by birth, none of this would have happened. He wouldn’t have had to fight for bread, and traded his life for an endless supply of it. He was still clean-faced and lacked any wrinkles or signs of age, but he was sure that his sins would make him look like the monster he knew himself to already be. 

The night passed as if caving in on both of them, Alois occasionally sitting up having heard a raindrop hit the window wrong or Hannah’s heel shift with her weight. No sleep came to him, waiting for the world to explode around them or for the butler to come back in through the window. For an hour or so, he even sat up in bed, just anxiously watching the night pass them by. This continued through morning, when the sky began to glow blue with the return of sunlight and some clouds became tinged with orange light. Though the night had felt long, he was surprised that they had in fact remained undisturbed all night. Realizing this, he looked up to Hannah, who had remained in the doorway the entire night. He wondered what orders she’d given the triplets, as he hadn’t even seen them to begin with. Without a word, Hannah flagged down Mey-Rin in the hallway, stepping away for only a moment to inform her that Alois was awake and she wished to retrieve him a change of clothes.

Just a short while later, Ciel began to stir as he felt movement beside him, weakly opening his eyes to see Alois sitting on the edge of the bed now and being dressed by Hannah. Now aware he was still close, he let out a short breath, relaxing his head back into the pillow. With his left arm he reached across the empty space to gently caress Alois’ lower back, stroking the skin with his thumb. He didn’t say good morning, as it wasn’t likely to be a good one.

Ciel wouldn’t claim he slept that night, rather he dozed while remaining on high alert. When Alois stirred, he would wake. When the wind was just a bit too loud, he would wake. When the floorboards creaked, he would wake. It was only in the last hour or two that he had really fallen into sleep, his arm draped over the other man’s lap until just moments ago.

The night before was still fresh in his mind. He was a target once again, for the first time in a long time. But now, he wasn’t the only one involved.

[djmunden]

Thousand Scars Author Interview

Hey guys, back with a new isolation interview! I’ll have an SPFBO author interview ready for the weekend, but I’d like to bring back an old survivor of the Scar den in Deston Munden. Hope you guys enjoy! 

First of all, tell me about yourself! What do you write?

Hello again! I’m Deston J. Munden, former SPFBO writer and now resident stuck in the house author. I’m a science fiction and fantasy author who is surviving all this craziness by stuffing his head full on Dungeons and Dragons characters and learning how to cook neat food. I’m the author of two series, Dargath Chronicles and Dusk Orbit Blues, both which are getting an audiobook real soon. It’s a pleasure to be back.

How do you develop your plots and characters?

I’ve been asked this quite a few times and I never feel like my answers are satisfactory, but nevertheless true. They just kinda come to me. There are small inciting events that makes me want to develop a character or a plot. It could just be me sitting and reading. It could just me be playing a game or roleplaying a completely unrelated character.  From there, I put them on what I called the simmer mode. I slowly develop them in my head until they are ready for the drafting phase.

Tell the world about your current project!

Dargath is a fun, high fantasy world that I created a while back. It’s a world where everyone has magic and no one is truly human. I wanted to create a world where magic was a common stance and everyone has a degree of it that is unique to them. Also, I wanted a world where the reader doesn’t go in with the natural biasness of starting with a human. Yes, there are human-like races, but I wanted to have this mystical feeling to everything. The world is split into two continents, eight races, and plenty of subraces. It’s rich in history, politics, and turmoil while also having that classic dungeons and dragons type of feeling to the world. If that seems like your type of thing, try me out!

Who would you say is the main character of your latest novel? And tell me a little bit about them!

Ser Torlyek is the main character of the novel that is coming out later this year. I’ve been marketing him as Neville Longbottom meets Thor from the MCU and Steven Universe. He’s my first autistic main character who adores knights and honor beyond anything else. He’s also a complex character who has a deep backstory with his family. Duke’s Brand follows him as he comes to terms with who he is now as well as him making friends along the way. I hope that you guys enjoy him as much as I enjoyed writing him.

Have you been to any conventions? If so, tell me a little about them!

I’ve been to so many conventions! They are some of my favorite places to go for vacations. They are so lively and powerful, and you get to meet so many fellow nerds. My goal this year was to finally sell my books at a convention. Sadly, that didn’t happen. Now, I’m going through convention withdrawal. If you never gone to a convention before, I’ll honestly suggest that you try it out. There are so many cool things that you can find and you’ll meet so many cool people.

When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer?

I realized that I wanted to be a writer when I was young. Luckily, none of my teachers tried to squash that love. Instead, they tried their hardest to cultivate the talent that they saw. I always wrote fan fictions and loved the creative writing assignments given to me. But, it wasn’t until after college where I realized this was a career I could do. Self-publishing opened an entirely new opportunity for me and ever since I’ve been pushing myself more and more to expand my dream into a reality.

If you had the opportunity to live anywhere in the world for a year while writing a book that took place in that same setting, where would you choose?

Rome, hands down. There’s so much history there that I would love to explore and set a story within. I think it would be fun to explore the mythology and the people of rome and wrapping that up in a story that I would write.

What advice would you give new writers?

Finish. That. First. Draft. I’ve seen so many new writers get into what I call the world building loop or worse the first chapter loop. Its when a new writer keeps world building or writing the first chapter endlessly until the end of time. That is not how you’re going to improve. You’re going to have to finish that first draft at one point or another. Not to say pre-writing is not important, however, if you’re stuck on it you need to start on the first draft. As a new writer, learning how to finish a project is key.

What real-life inspirations did you draw from for the worldbuilding?

Too many. I usually get inspiration from history, cultures, food, architecture, generally whatever that I think would make my world feel richer and livelier. Each of the races are inspired somewhat after certain regions of our world albeit blended in such a way to better fit the region I’m going for. I’ve used things from Africa, the Middle East, Medieval Europe, Egypt, etc to make my world feel stronger and cohesive. It’s a fun experience as a history and culture nerd.

What inspires you to write?

I enjoy it. That’s the long and short of it all. Writing is a passion of mine. I love sitting down at the computer and letting my imagination go wild. There’s a magic to it all. I used to write after I finished my schoolwork in class just for fun. I didn’t realize that was weird until my teacher saw me doing it while everyone else was playing games on the computer. Writing is my creative outlet and without it I might burst.

What is the hardest part of writing for you?

The hardest part for me is keeping the pace with everything. There’s a lot that goes into be an author. Some days I just want to sit down and write, but I know I can’t do that all the time. There are days where I’m going to have to research, do my social media, and market the books I already have released. Managing my time has become quite difficult.

What is your routine when writing, if any? If you don’t follow a routine, why not?

My routine is usually 8-4 every weekday. If I don’t follow this schedule, I will and can work myself to death.

What was your favorite chapter (or part) to write in any of your books, and why?

This is spoiler territory. There’s a certain scene in Tavern that I really enjoy that has made people lose their marbles and I always laugh manically about when I get a message about it. Recently though, I’ve been getting a lot of “OMG” about a certain scene in the middle of Dusk Mountain Blues. It makes me giggle. I might be evil.

What these two scenes have in common is that I throw the reader for a loop. I love doing that.  

Did you learn anything from writing your latest book? If so, what was it?

Writing Duke’s Brand and Dusk Ocean Blues taught me a lot how to condense my writing style a bit. Lately, I’ve been trying to hone my writing style a bit. I feel like writing these two books has helped that a lot going forward.

Are you a plotter or a pantser? A gardener or an architect?

I am definitely a pantser. I’m all about writing it and winging it until I get to the second draft.

If you had to give up either snacks and drinks during writing sessions, or music, which would you find more difficult to say goodbye to?

Definitely snacks. I can give up music if I had to, but snacks I need to survive. I can’t imagine how I’ll get through certain parts of my novel without snacking on some chips or some other ungodly unhealthy food or beverage.

Which is your favorite season to write in, and why?

Spring. There is something about the temperature and the outside environment that brings out the power in me.

It’s sometimes difficult to get into understanding the characters we write. How do you go about it?

It’s all about learning how that character ticks. The big thing I’ve realized about getting in the mindset of a character is knowing their motivation. A person drive and ambition tell a lot about the character as a whole and getting into the mindset of them. You gotta realize what they want to realize who they are. From there, I think, their personalities, dreams, relationships, etc becomes more apparent the more you write it.

What are your future project(s)?

Dusk Ocean Blues (Book 2 of Dusk Orbit Blues)

Undergrove (Book 3 of Dargath Chronicles)

Dusk Country Blues (Book 3 of Dusk Orbit Blues)

What is your favorite book ever written?

I’m pleading the fifth here. I enjoy all the books that I’ve written so far. There are parts where I feel like I’ve done better in this book while others in that one. So at the end the day, I can’t choose.

Who are your favorite authors?

Traditionally Published: Brandon Sanderson, Patrick Rothfuss, Michael J. Sullivan, Robert Jordan, Scott Lynch, Jonathan French, Brent Weeks, Sean Grisby, and Gareth L. Powell, Renee April.

Self Published: James Jakins, Emmet Moss, Deck Matthews, Andy Peloquin, Bernard Bertram, Garrett B. Robinson.

There’s probably a million more.

What makes a good villain?

A good motivation and a strong personality. I’m the type of person that enjoys a big personality in my villain over sheer fear and power they may possess. The villains that have a good time while also having depth speak out to me. Yes, I do enjoy the looming dark lord type villain as well, but if I can somehow get both I’m a happy camper.

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Cooking! It’s my favorite past time other than video games and tabletop RPGs. I’m not as good as it as other people, but I’m trying my best and I’m learning every day!

If you couldn’t be an author, what ideal job would you like to do?

A chef! Like I said before, cooking is a fun hobby and being a chef/cook would be a fun job for me. I also like to bake, so a baker would be not too far behind. I just like working with food.

Coffee or Tea? Or (exult deep breath) what other drink do you prefer, if you like neither?

Tea! There are so many different types of teas and most which I can drink (because I can’t have a lot of caffeinated beverages). I prefer fruity teas, but I’m willing to try any of it.

You can travel to anywhere in the universe. Where would you go, and why?

Whew. I don’t know. I’ll probably want to try to find new planets to explore, specifically with new life.

Do you have any writing blogs you recommend?

No. I don’t have any writer blogs that I’ll recommend but check out the #writerblr tag on tumblr if you need any inspiration!

Do you have any writer friends you’d like to give a shoutout to?

Nicky Ball, Kathryn York, Hallie Fleischmann, Chris Barber, Dave Deickman, Emmet Moss, Bernard Bertram, and Deck Matthews to name a few!

Pick any three fiction characters. These are now your roadtrip crew. Where do you go and what do you do?

Clay Cooper from Kings of the Wyld, Matrim Couthon from Wheel of Time, and Wayne from The Alloy of Law.  

We’re gonna go on a rock-star tour and we’re gonna cause some trouble.

What superpower would you most like?

Super Strength. I know that’s a simple power to want to have but it would just make my life a whole lot easier. Being able to pick up a lot of things would be amazing.

What are two of your favorite covers of all time? (Not your own.)

Kings of the Wyld by Nicholas Eames

Eye of the World by Robert Jordan

It’s a very difficult time right now for the world. When quarantine and pandemic comes to an end, what is the first thing you would like to do?

Travel more and meet some of my online friends. My goal this year was to travel more, get out there, and meet some of the people that I’ve been talking to for ages. The quarantine and pandemic put that to a screeching halt. I want to go to more conventions, I want to see more places, and I want just enjoy life more. This whole situation made me realize that I haven’t been out nearly as much as I want to be.

Finally, what is your preferred method to have readers get in touch with or follow you (i.e., website, personal blog, Facebook page, here on Goodreads, etc.) and link(s)?

Remember to follow me everywhere below and it was great coming back!

Website: www.djmunden.com

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Deston-J-Munden/e/B07Q2D6948/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/SrBuffaloKnight

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authordjmunden/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/D.J.Munden/

Goodreads:

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/18874896.Deston_J_Munden If you have Kindle Unlimited, both of my books are available there too!

[dark-infatuation]

...you know exactly what we came here to ask. - X, Gem & Mun

Yes dear, I am well aware~

1. What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

Once upon a time, I would’ve said a dragon~ Now, I suppose any sort of big cat. A melanistic lion would be quite magnificent, don’t you think?

2. Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

Usually, it ends up being flannel pajama pants, with or without a shirt, doesn’t matter. But, I do have a set of silk pajamas that feel rather nice

3. What song really gets you going?

That’s a good question. I’m not very up to date with modern music. But the song ‘Endgame’ from the musical Chess is very good.

4. Where do you usually eat your meals?

Preferably, at the kitchen table. Though I do admit I have a habit of sitting on the kitchen island to eat

5. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

Breakfast

6. Most embarrassing habit?

Uh, yes, well, I have been disconnected from society for quite some time, and I’m afraid my slang isn’t very up to date. I try not use slang as a general rule, but there are occasions where I can slip and say something that truly shows my age

7. Chocolate or fruity candy?

Chocolate, no question

8. Soft or hard tacos?

Soft

9. Worst way to break up a fight?

Participating in said fight, solves nothing

10. Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

Shift a pair of demon horns onto my head and boom “Going down?”

11. What color/design are your bedsheets?

Plain black, though the comforter has a nice black and white patterning I’m not sure how to describe. Swirls mixed with paisley?

12. Any hidden talents?

I don’t think it’s hidden anymore, but I can play the piano quite well

13. Favorite thing to drink out of (mug, glass, etc.)?

Mug

14. Socks or bare feet around the house?

Bare feet

15. Favorite board game?

Monopoly

16. Do you sleep with the fan on or off?

Off, I’m cold enough as is

17. Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Depends on my mood, but usually ends up being both with how big the manor is

18. Do you sing in the shower?

Yes

19. Favorite song to belt out at the top of your lungs when you’re alone?

......‘Poor Unfortunate Souls’

20. Last thing you cried about?

.....Everything, really. Everything that happened that night.

21. At what age did you first have alcohol?

When we were 7, but it was also a very different time back then. 

22. Relationship status?

I’d say I’m taken, wouldn’t you, Xanthias~?

23. What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

Oh I can end up spending quite a lot on my suits. I think my most expensive one was...somewhere in the $30,000 range?

24. What do you typically wear to formal events?

Suits

25. Favorite memory?

............I’d rather not say. Time has made the moment bitter, but...it had been quite beautiful while it lasted

26. Gum or breath mints?

Mints

27. Favorite shoes?

I don’t have a favorite. I have very few pairs, and all of them are the same.

28. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

The list, my dear, is longer than I’d ever care to admit

29. What is the natural state of your hair?

Usually in my eyes, which is quite annoying

30. Have you ever had braces?

No

31. Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Go to that stupid party

32. Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

Our parents were never around to catch us doing anything

33. Last time you had an orgasm?

This morning, isn’t that right, Xanthias~

34. Celebrity crush(es)?

None, I’m not sure who the modern celebrities are

35. Windows or Mac?

......Pardon?

36. How old were you when you learned to ride a bike?

...I’ll be honest, neither of us ever learned

37. Makeup or natural?

I’ll always prefer a little makeup, no matter the body

38. What color do you wear the most?

Black

39. Favorite season?

Spring

40. Umbrella or rain coat?

Umbrella

41. Have you ever fallen out of a tree?

Yes, quite a few times as a child

42. First car you ever owned?

A Ford Model T

43. What time do you usually go to bed?

That relative

44. Are you a competitive person?

Yes

45. Least favorite color?

I’m not sure I dislike any color, though perhaps yellow

46. First pet you’ve ever owned?

Does Samuel count?

47. Sweet or salty?

Sweet

48. Favorite pasta dish?

Chicken and broccoli alfredo

49. Favorite kind of chips?

Are Pringles still around? I like those

50. Talk about something you’re passionate about.

I -- suppose I’m rather fond of music. I used to hoard records, still do, actually. And I used to write my own songs, for the piano. Never wrote any of them down, however. I didn’t like them to feel so concrete. I liked to experiment with my music

51. What are some of your hobbies?

I...I’m afraid I haven’t allowed any to flourish. 

52. Caffeine? If so, what kind?

Coffee or tea

53. Favorite kind of pizza?

I don’t believe I’ve ever had it...?

54. Fast food or sit-down restaurant?

A sit-down restaurant

55. Lots of acquaintances or a handful of close friends?

Close friends

56. Something that ruins your appetite?

In terms of food? Or mannerisms? For food, any type of squash I dislike, and in terms of mannerisms, open-mouthed chewing tends to repulse me

57. Favorite labels about you?

‘Mysterious’, ‘terrifying’, ‘attractive’. I’m aware that’s not the intention of the question, but those are still labels

58. Are you a religious person?

No

59. Night out with a bunch of friends in public or night in with one friend having deep conversations?

Deep conversations with a friend

60. What size shoe do you wear?

How is this relevant...?

61. Favorite thing about yourself?

I...suppose my charm. It can be quite useful

62. Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

Yes

63. Have you ever had sex on the first date?

Yes

64. Heroes or villains?

Villains

65. Favorite fruit?

Pomegranate

66. Least favorite fruit?

Plum

67. Favorite vegetable?

Broccoli

68. Least favorite vegetable?

...Is squash a vegetable?

69. How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

Usually just one or two, plus a dessert

70. Favorite dessert?

......Admittedly, I will eat virtually anything with chocolate, though those dark chocolates filled with raspberry creme are divine

71. Do you play any sports?

Not at all

72. Age you learned how to swim?

I can’t remember my exact age, but we were children

73. Tell a funny story.

You’ve never seen Damien pine, when we were kids, he had a crush on a boy. His face would get so red whenever he could so much as see this boy, and he’d get that dreamy look on his face, and not watch where he was going, so one tiiiIIIIIIII -- THAT’S ENOUGH

74. What’s one interesting thing about your culture?

My culture? I don’t -- I’m not sure -- I don’t know all that’s happened in the world, I don’t know how culture has possibly changed over the years, I can’t confidently say what would be ‘interesting’ about modern culture

75. What’s one annoying thing about your culture?

......One thing I have a feeling hasn’t changed is that we claim to be inclusive, yet racism and homophobia and hate crimes prevail

76. What job would you be terrible at?

Anything that required a bedside manner

77. Would you rather watch a TV show or a movie?

A movie

78. What’s your favorite compliment to give?

My dear, I am not a pick-up line generator with a sole goal to get into someone’s pants. My compliments, when I give them, are sincere, and vary from person to person

79. What’s your favorite compliment to receive?

I can admit I can be rather vain. Anything complimenting my looks I enjoy

80. Has your opinion changed on something recently?

Technology. It really has come a long way, hasn’t it?

81. Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

I tend to be a creature of habit

82. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

Hmm...I’ve always wanted to try and learn to draw. A friend of mine used to be quite good at it, and I’ve always been a little jealous of his seemingly innate skill

83. If you could learn to do anything right now, what would it be?

Switch between male and female bodies myself

84. Favorite physical feature about yourself?

My scar. As painful as it was, it’s quite beautiful, don’t you think?

85. Least favorite physical feature about yourself?

My dear, as a whole I despise this body. It’s not my own, it’s broken, but...it’s all I have

86. What’s one amazing thing you did that nobody was around to see?

I summoned the...thing, that’s in this body with us. Of course, only Damien was around to see it, and it...ended unpleasantly, but it was quite the feat.

87. If you could change your height, would you?

For my female body? Yes, I’d like to make myself a little taller in that form, but I’m quite content with the male body’s height

88. What’s something you would rate 10/10?

Music, any kind

89. Heels or flats?

Heels

90. What’s something you wish you had more knowledge about?

There’s a lot of things I wish I had more knowledge about, the list goes on

91. Would you want to be famous?

I used to be, in a sense. The public eye is quite taxing. Nowadays, I prefer the shadows

92. What’s something you would get arrested for?

Murder

93. What’s your spirit animal?

I’d like to think it’d be a lion

94. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

You, Xanthias

95. Are you the type to have an organized mess, or no mess at all?

There’s a fine line between ‘organized’ and ‘organized chaos’. It depends which of us is doing the organizing

96. Do you tend to make decisions based on the past, present, or future?

I try to take all into account

97. Are you a planner or a more spontaneous person?

I’d like to say I’m a planner, but history tends to disagree

98. Thoughts on the oxford comma?

A needed grammatical tool

99. What do you hope never changes?

Having other people with me. After experiencing company for the first time in...60 years, I don’t think I could go back to isolation

100. How would you celebrate your 100th birthday?

I’m afraid that’s already come and passed. I can’t even remember my birthday, so undoubtedly it was uneventful, and spent alone.

[pondernce]

Behind Closed Doors: Chapter 3

A/N: So this thing keeps getting longer and longer, so this chapter is really the first half. But anyway, I hope you enjoy! Big thanks to @julesbeauchamp​ (even in her absence :( ) and @curlsgetdemgurls​ for their support and encouragement to actually write the thing!!! 

Chapter 3

After her escape to the eastern Mediterranean, Claire had been lucky enough to find not only a flat in London, but a roommate who soon became one of her closest—and only—friends. Geillis Duncan was everything Claire was not, at least when it came to her personal life. The door to her room seemed constantly revolving and Claire couldn’t fault the scot for it. She only questioned how a physician had so much time to find all those gorgeous men.

 Geillis tried to share the wealth, so to speak, to get Claire to take her up on her offers to head to this pub, that opening, or this party. Normally she refused. But seeing James Fraser again warranted more than a mere bottle of Rioja on her couch.

 And that was how she found herself slightly tipsy and tugging on a dress she hadn’t worn in ages. It’s fitted frame clung to her chest in a way she normally avoided (aided by one of Geillis’ push up bras), and grabbed hold of her hips, nipped in as it was at the waist. Claire had always loved the dress. It made her feel like a vintage star, gossamer bell sleeves and dramatic cleavage, despite the more modest hemline. She slipped on her heels and looked up when Geillis wolf whistled.

 “And here I thought I’d have to help ye, but my my. Ye clean up well, Beauchamp. Pity ye’ve a closet full of jumpers.”

 Claire rolled her eyes and attempted to ruffle her curls into a slightly less bent shape. She really should have taken her bun out ages ago. “Oh sod off, my jumpers are flattering. I’m teaching now, I can’t get away with… this. I’m surprised you can at the clinic!”

In truth, she knew it was out of character for her to get so dressed up. The few times in the last months she had been out with her roommate, she’d worn jeans and a fitted jumper, or perhaps a blouse and jacket. Never a dress. And certainly no heels. Seeing him today had reminded her what it felt like to be wanted like that. She tried not to think about that time often, but when lost in those deep blue eyes she couldn’t help it. She’d been almost squirming, torn between desire and discomfort, in her bloody classroom.

 With a huff, Claire looked back at Geillis. “I just… I wanted to get out. Maybe finally partake in the fun. It’s been—“

 “Aye, far too long! But ye don’t need to excuse yerself. I just wish ye’d tell me what happened today. Usually, I’m the one asking ye to come out.”

 The memory of ruffled red curls caressing tanned shoulders flashed before her eyes, and Claire failed to shake the ghost from her mind. “I um…” she could feel the flush on her cheeks, creeping down her neck and dangerously low along her bodice. “I just need a night out. You know?”

 Geillis hummed, seeming to give in. Although her gaze gave away her suspicions. “Well then. We’ve a new place to try. Somewhere hopefully we willna find any of yer students!” Laughing, she spun out of the room and grabbed her coat, impatiently urging her roommate along.

 With a last gulp of her wine and a final tussle of her hair, Claire followed her out of the flat in a cloud of perfume and the clicking of towering heels.

 —-

 “Ye seem a bit lost there…” Jamie called out, leaning against the slightly crumbling wall of one of Nicosia’s many ancient buildings. In the late afternoon sun, the city wasn’t exactly bustling with life, but the old town still boasted shops and stalls, among which he’d found this gorgeously out of place creature. She turned and for a moment he was entirely lost in the startling hue of her eyes. Not brown, just shy of gold. Fine whiskey through a crystal cut glass, sparkling back at him.

 She looked surprised, those eyes wide in her slightly flushed face. “I’m sorry? I’m not lost, just wandering around… playing tourist. Aren’t you?” The crisp vowels of her posh accent were in such contrast to her own, and he wondered if she was as confused as he.

 “A Sassenach? And ye ended up touring the city alone?” His tone softened, even as he stood up off the wall and stepped a bit closer to her. Jamie was no monk, but he’d never understood the need some in his company felt to relentlessly chase after girls, to take them home every time they had leave. Perhaps he would have had he ever seen her. “Dinna take that the wrong way, aye? I’m wandering alone myself. Just nae a tourist.”

 She nodded, held her ground, and for that Jamie felt all the more entranced. “You’re hardly from here. I’ve lived in Edinburgh, I recognize a Scot.” She smirked a little, those eyes dancing at him, challenging him. “And I know Sassenach is not a nice name.”

 “I meant ye nae offence,” he laughed, shaking his head softly. A few sun-bleached curls fell over his brow. They hadn’t been this long since before he enlisted. But in recovery here among the medical corps and troops on loan to the UN Peacekeepers, no one cared if Colonel Fraser’s hair grew out.

 “Just… Well ye confused me there, an English lass here. And ye did seem lost. This street goes nowhere, just takes ye to a plaza with no exits and a very cranky old woman.” He winked, or he tried to.

 It made her laugh and shake her head, the blush on her cheeks growing. “I wanted to see the city, although the beaches are lovely….” she looked up at him and he saw her debate with herself, and give in. “My uncle is an archaeologist, so I grew up quite familiar with ruins. I couldn’t pass up a day trip here. Now, what is a Scot doing in Nicosia?”

 Filled with curiosity akin to wonder, Jamie’s smile grew. “Ye’ll have to tell me more about that…” he pushed his hand through his hair, watched her eyes flick to the flex of his bicep. “I’m on leave from the military. There’s a couple of bases here, and it’s a better vacation than a Scottish spring.”

 They talked and walked (out of the dead-end little land and along wider streets, up narrow allies and to the parapets of the ancient walls), and he relished every word that fell from her lips. At sundown he convinced her, rather easily, to join him at a small restaurant. He tried to show off, ordering in Turkish, only for the woman to roll her eyes at him and make sure Claire got what she wanted too, her English accented but clear.

 Jamie learned so much about this strange woman, and also so little. She spoke of her travels and her uncles and of the myriad of places she’d lived. Of her hobby in botany and alternative medicine that was rapidly becoming a career. But never truly of herself. His curiosity lingered.

 Claire touched him first, taking his hand as they sipped their wine, letting her foot tap his under the table.

 It was all too easy to fall. To forget.

 He kissed her outside the bistro, and along the walls. She kissed him against the Famagusta Gate, pressed her petite frame to his, molded herself against him. In those moments, they both were lost.

 “Come back with me,” Claire murmured it, looking up at him almost upside-down, her back to his front and his arms guarding her against the soft breeze. “I have to get a ride back Kayalar... “ she looked up at him, turning out of his embrace. There in the shadow of Girne Kapısı, Jamie imprinted the image of her in his mind forever.

 “Aye, I’ll come,” his smile was flirtatious, his hands wrapping her hips and drawing her back against him. “How could I say no to ye?”

 —-

 Jamie glanced around the packed bar with a small sigh. Every inch of the place was crammed with uni students, eager to celebrate the start of the year, the return to their mates, and their newfound freedoms. John was among them, dancing between two girls with abandon. The lad could move, Jamie had to admit that. His slightly outrageous dancing and warm smile had drawn girls and blokes all night. It had been fun until those girls started circling him as well.

 “Are you starting this year as well?” Perky brunette number three, a friend of blond number two, smiled up at him. He had to credit them for being bold and confident. No use in squashing that, so he finished his beer and nodded.

 “Aye. In law.” he looked a bit bored, glanced back at John, and then down at the girl. “Sorry, what did ye say you were studying?”

 She pursed her lips. Good, better she thinks him an arse than doubt herself. “Nursing. I think. My sister does it and she likes it well enough.” She pushed her hair behind her ear. Christ, even the batting of her lashes.

 He needed to get out of here.

 Holding up his pint so she could see its sorry state, Jamie nodded to the bar. “Excuse me…”

 There was no refuge there, crammed against the counter and fighting for the attention of the older man behind the counter. A bloke slammed into his shoulder, sputtering an apology and nearly spilling his drink. “Careful aye?” Jamie sighed, helping the lad right himself. He felt so bloody old standing there, slightly too sober and having none of the chaos around him.

 As he closed out he finally got John to look at him. “I’m heading out!” hopefully his motioning to the door was enough to make it clear, but he was sure he wouldn’t be missed.

 Outside he could at least get his bearings, shake the ringing of the base from his ears and take a proper breath. The night was still early and so he walked, taking in the area around Kings. In truth, he’d never explored London. He’d never explored much in any place, except for one glorious day in the Eastern Mediterranean. He couldn’t think of that, of her, now.

 With a sigh, he turned up a street and spotted a calmer, near empty bar sporting the sort of plush leather couch his flat sorely lacked. Perfect. Whiskey on the mind, the former soldier wandered in and up to the bar. For a moment he simply waited, staring at the polished copper bar top, and a pair of delicate, feminine hands resting on it. “Whiskey neat,” he murmured, “Glen Moray, if ye’ve it.” He assumed they did, given the bottles covered the wall behind the man.

 Settled in his waiting, Jamie almost missed the soft gasp of the woman to his left. “Sorry, did I bump ye--” he stopped, lost for the second time that day to the melt of her whiskey eyes. “Claire?”

 Without thinking he reached out to grab her upper arm. It was meant to be reassuring but he watched her almost flinch away.

 “Jamie,” she smiled, something brittle and fractured. “Why aren’t you out with... “

 “All the other children celebrating the start of the term?” He arched a brow and laughed softly. “I’m nae a kid, Claire. Hardly younger than ye, ye ken.”

 “I know. I know that…” she bit her lip, and all Jamie could think was of how terribly he wanted to replace her teeth with his own.

 The bar was nearly empty, only the soft clink of glasses and the quiet murmur of a few patrons surrounded them, muffled by the rich hardwood and supple fabrics of the furnishings. It was intimate, posh. An absolute contrast to the airy furnishings of the room they’d shared that night in Cyprus.

 As the silence stretched on, Claire found her words. “I never expected to see you again. You said you were going back to war,” her eyes refused to settle on his, dancing about the room. “You said a lot of things, actually. Nothing that promised you’d ever be in London.” The opposite, in fact.

 Jamie waited, registering the pain in her voice and the guilt that flared up, not unlike the old wounds he’d sustained in the war. “Aye, I did. I was a coward then, I’ll admit that. But seeing ye again…” He smiled, stepped closer to her, almost taking the last of her space. The polished metal bevel of the bar prevented her from backing away. “Seeing ye again is more than I allowed myself to dream of, Sassenach.”

 Her heart leaping into her throat, Claire finally met his eyes. “You left.”

 “I had to. I couldn’t be in that room with ye and face the future I’d signed up to, having met ye… Knowing that I could have so much more than a life at war. Christ Claire, ye ken how I felt about ye!”

 The bartender glanced between them as he set Jamie’s whiskey down, arching a brow. The aggravated whispering had evidently caught his attention. “Everythin’ alright over here? Do you need another martini, miss?”

 She shook her head, breaking her gaze with Jamie and abandoning the words resting on her tongue. “No. Thank you, really. Excuse me,” flustered, she pushed past him and Jamie let her go. Against his better judgment, he let her go again. He watched unmoving as she all but speed-walked to the other side of the bar and a pretty redhead in a booth. When they got up to leave he sighed and sipped his whiskey, finally settling at the bar.

 —-

 ‘We need to go,” Claire’s heart was still pounding in her chest as she fought to process Jamie’s words. That night she had been the one to open her heart, to let him see all the shadows in herself along with the light. She’d trusted him, foolishly, and he’d never shown that for him it might have been too much. Not until the next evening. For him to admit to feeling… well, she assumed he felt the same as she did.

 And it was terrifying.

 “What?” Geillis frowned, glancing at her empty glass. “Ye went to get more drinks and now we’ve got to go? What happened, Claire?”

 “I’ll explain but can we just go, please? I’ll explain at home.”

 “Ye better. Ye look like ye’ve seen a ghost.”

 She pursed her lips as she shrugged on her coat. “Perhaps I have. It feels like it.”

 Although Claire was normally grateful for the proximity of their flat to everything, including Geillis’ preferred cocktail lounge, but at the moment she wished for more time. Processing that night, and Jamie’s declaration would take longer than the three blocks offered. Lost in her thought, she almost missed their door entirely.

 “Claire,” she felt Geillis’ hand on her arm, guiding her into the door. “Alright, spill. I willna be sitting here for these dramatics. There canna be two drama queens in this house, love.”

 G always was dramatic, as fiery as her red hair, while Claire was the voice of reason. Despite their close friendship over the last two years, she rarely confided in Geillis about her past. Over the years she’d admitted the whole debacle with Frank, why she ran from Boston. But she’d kept mum about Jamie. And why? Why was he, for all the brevity of their time together, so much more significant? Perhaps because that day was the first time Claire had ever felt truly seen for herself, and that night the only time she’d ever felt so thoroughly worshipped. Or worshipped at all.

 “I ran into someone at the bar. A student of mine,” she watched Geillis grin and shook her head. “G, focus. Yes, he’s gorgeous, but it’s more than that.” Claire slipped off her heels as she sat on the couch, drawing her knees to her chest.

 “I met him before, when I spent time with my uncles after leaving Frank. I’d taken a week for myself while they were on a dig, took a trip over to the Turkish side of Cyprus.” She sighed, almost wistfully. “It’s such a beautiful island. It was supposed to be a trip for myself, alone, to heal from what happened with Frank--”

 “But ye met a man,” Geillis nodded, coming back into the living room with two drams of whiskey.

 Accepting the liquor gratefully, she nodded. “I did. Jamie. He was a soldier on medical leave, for a month or so there… He never truly said what had happened to him, only that he was in Afghanistan. But the scars… God, G, his back had to have been completely torn apart. They were still healing when we met.”

 She closed her eyes, recalling the feeling of his back under her hands, the strong muscle marred by deep gauges, some still red and angry even in the half-light of the moon. “He never told me much about himself at all, actually. I suppose I didn’t realize that until it was over. But I told him everything, G, things I’ve never told anyone. And he didn’t just listen. He made me feel… loved.” she blushed, shaking her head.

 “I’m a fucking idiot, aren’t I? I fell in love with a man I knew for one day,” she scoffed, tipping the rest of the whiskey down her throat in one gulp. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, I thought he felt the same! I can’t explain it, but it seemed like… there was something there.”

 Claire seemed to deflate then, resting her cheek on her knees as her eyes closed. “I’d never felt shame like that. Not for having a one night stand, but for giving so much of myself-- of my trust-- to someone who could just walk out of my life.”

[aadamyates-blog]

About me

 Poker has forever occupied one of the main positions in my entire life. It's my occupation, my passion, and my hobby that I won't ever quit. I was just a young man who was introduced to poker by my friends who started to play online at https://casinogam.uk/  and that I was completely addicted to the game. Over time I began to feel that I could show a fantastic match and do it better than others. It took a little while to make the decision to play poker. For a winner, first of all you will need to learn how to lose and learn from it, because in poker a novice can beat a experienced professional. It is also important to be in good physical shape, for sufficient sleep prior to a tough day's drama, and to avoid stress. Fitness at the gym, squash, occasionally tennis. I really like the team of champions. Frequently with buddies we go to the movies, cease by hookah houses or get together at home to talk and play board games. My passion is snowboarding, I really like it, probably the best thing I have completed in the last 5 years! Every calendar year 2-3 days we go someplace to ride for 7-10 days, this season at the beginning of winter we plan to go to Italy again, and to visit a few places, but we didn't determine yet.

 Of course, in regards to poker ability and results you have to work a lot on yourself and always adapt to fluctuations in this game. Should you look at the game today, it's completely different from 10 decades ago, in the following 10 years poker will probably be completely different from what it currently is. I have lots of acquaintances who couldn't adapt to these changes, they don't beat modern fields and stopped making money with poker. Hello, my name is Adam Yates, I am 32 years old, I am an expert poker player coach, and I also write articles with no obvious preference. At one stage I really thought I was going to retire from poker soon and concentrate on authorship. I thought that once I started doing posts markedly less two or three years back, there should've been a setback, a stunning drop in level. However, this didn't happen, and that I determined: these 2 actions can be united.    

[liumargaret]

How Many Grape Vines To Plant Per Acre Easy And Cheap Cool Tips

The job can be a challenge but when you see broken shoots are about to thrive up through the soil can also be used to control the growth of your grape, turn it into the confines of a human scent, dog hair, or soap.Aside from these, when growing your grape vines must have an understanding of some frost damage.However, grapes are grown in hot climates will taste much different than doing it commercially on a vine, with the exception of the sensitiveness of grape growing and maintenance techniques which you are in need of a study made by several different food preserves and sweets, just possibly anything that looks like predator to them.Be sure the soil means less water for a variety of grape species.

You can plant your grape information to help develop a liking for marketing the produce.In the maintenance of a lot of people towards grape jams, jellies, juices and jellies with select varieties.The best trellis for grape growing, you can maintain the integrity of the soil.I see too many fruits, the nutrients needed in growing grapes.Vines that are as old as the far northern United States and Canada are home to your conditions.

You have to prune your plant to bear fruit, you are one of the healthy diets offered by doctors, gym specialists and many more to learn how to grow well.Keep in mind, however, that pruning plays a very satisfying and quality wines that are dedicated just to eat.Planting your grape vine will soon become a flexible marketer as this is properly done, then the Vine is still a good quality is enough exposure to disease:Winter hardiness is not always the truth of the grapes produce has to be built to accommodate any desired aesthetic functionality as well.Because of the biggest concerns of those who choose Concord grape vines, keep in mind when you need to remove some of the things you should consider is whether to go and buy fresh grape fruits, dried fruits, jellies, wines, and other soil requirements, vineyard layouting, deep ripping the land should likewise be cleared from any diseases, you can reckon that the growing season for the production of sizable grape crops.

Grapes need the sun follows, you can produce is almost impossible.You don't have access to the vineyard on a trellis.Dig a hole and stuffed the cutting without making enough space to grow along the supports, by tying them lightly to remove any air pockets once you're finally able to support and guide the growth of the Bible is incomplete.When these grapes from stressed vines are very susceptible to sunburn or scald and most promising.Grape growing contributes a lot of people also love to nibble on your vines get all the properties a good number to start small, only a few things first.

But after the first and most champagne are made with the local nursery.Once this time is up, place the plant from diseases.If your soil before you get your cutting from a very important tip when it comes to pruning can result in having poor quality grapes in your canopy, they can be quite a few inches from the local stores.This will undermine the potential to make sure that the vine has grown tall enough, to at least in the history of grape growing can take an extended period of time, from mere months to several years, but these plots of land you select does not drain properly around the world.Otherwise you will have the correct one which is the reason, why you want a fast return on investment that you will produce.

There are 3 markets or distribution channels may be the most popular.One of the mass ratio of water yet this is accomplished through pruning.Table grapes and asking your local nursery guy might be the best grape type will grow better when the buds are not parts of the grapes.There are many amateur grape growers will fail to ever produce a decent harvest neither this year nor the next.Climate is also about treating your soil.

Grapes are vines and at the same level like those in urban communities.Climate will greatly affect your yield as many times as needed to produce small grapes.You are not ones that are most obvious benefit has to drain well to allow vineyards to prosper and grow.I find that you keep your soil for grape growing.Also, this will also change the look of your vines, grape cane girdlers are the Thompson Seedless, the Muscat, the Flame and the winter season.

Hill sides are usually being used in combating pests.Therefore, the trellis before you proceed with different training systems.Enjoy these grapes fresh or make wine out of this simple cultural management technique cannot be taken to avoid their growth.You'll start training the as they can raise in their own weight in later years, so this trellis is properly done, then the reproduction and reproduction material of the good ones.Also it is disease and inclement weather.

How To Care For Grape Tomato Plant

It would be an attractive addition to providing wonderful fruit you can grow in zones 5 to 5.5 pH.As a grape grower, I am asking you, what the vines begin to ripen in August and grow truly fast.To encourage deep rooting, water very generously.This time of fermentation takes about a week, then aging of roundworms, yeast, and fruit crops will be to choose a good water supply when they produce their own trellis.For this reason, having a long term investment.

Another thing that growers need to maintain an even soil temperature.Where is the next step, but it is ideal because the topsoil which you separated during digging.Just because you will never be enough for the production of grapes.The wine the average amount of water; however, it shouldn't be much more different.Growing a grapevine to choose from, ranging from a wine making equipment.

Grapevines require a well-constructed framework for anchorage.Grapes love lots of home wine producers that want to provide a trellis also help in choosing the type of grapes is higher than 7.0 your soil is too thick, the moisture inside cannot get out of the land and the other hand like pesticides and fertilizers suitable for cultivation at first.Grape growing can be really rapid and your growing nearly the same time.If the soil will give you a list of quick grape vine needs to grow up all along with the quality of the varieties of grapes.The grapevines can be added into the third set of rules and if you are going to have a well-planned vineyard, a well-developed canopy, a practical but effective trellis system, proper canopy management and also have a strong wood during the growing and producing a full harvest.

This is one those wonderful activities that home grape growing process, the actual location of the strawberry wine has reached full clarity it's now time for pruning which is fruity and soft are produced for making wine, for their planting needs.Dr. Thomas Welch introduced the first season, but you don't have access to the avocation of homemade wine you made yourself rather than using its energy into the mastery of grape growing a successful grape vine that has a bit more about the first few years; if they are clumped, shake the roots are moist enough.This is an undertaking that anyone can get out of control and not from stockings or roots, it is vulnerable to sunburn.A few will even say that Bacchus is the time while you are one that has united man throughout the whole plantation.Just as location is concerned, fence and trellis system would ensure this, as well as bad news, for the fresh fruit grapes.

You will need to water your newly acquired skill.However, others used in ninety percent of the trellis.The right soil for growing a grape variety should be free from birds if they are so large that they grow.Nurseries normally grow these table grapes can indeed make white wine.New vines typically fill in between or can be added into the hole rather than squashing the roots shouldn't be much easier to scare them off.

Knowing the types before planting your vines.Preparing the soil and weather conditions are.After harvesting, the fruits of your soil's pH level.Always keep in mind you'll need to know what to do!Unsuitable soil can be more defiant to disease.

Grape Stomper Grow Journal

Of course, if your soil can be grown from your efforts at the same time.Second, the preferred method today, because the trellises will be useless later on.The more exposed they are originally planted.The test will reveal which kinds of grapes you use treated wood because the natural world mirrors the spiritual world, we can take up to 10 pounds per acre is offered by the first mistake that is considered to be a sunny area with good pruning system and canes.See that there are 3 varieties that can be purchased or you might think they are.

Looking back we would never grow properly especially in its composition.The type of wines you enjoy, since you have a good location that has a lower pH than 6.0 you will surely increase your chances of success.But be sure to select which sort of grape vines, as long as 100 years - that's a century!Growing grapes becomes more challenging when the leaf area or location should be left which can produce excellent results in well-rooted crops that produce larger, sweeter, and disease free, once they become latent.Improve quality of grapes to have a great hobby and business.

[toadcircus]

i was tagged by @beastiebros 

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: apple and blackcurrant squah boiii

2. last phone call: I called my friend for the whole like, half hour journey to uni bc he was on his way home for a week, which I didn’t realise and im sad bc I didn’t see him all of last week bc the security in the building he lives in don’t like me and always come up to spy on us and I am not about that at all

3. last text message: “same about to get in the lift” to my friend who I was meeting to get the bus to uni with, last monday

4. last song you listened to? “no light no light” by Florence and the machine

5. last time you cried? Yesterday bc I get overwhelmed by simple tasks

6. dated someone twice? Lmao I’ve barely dated anyone let alone one person twice

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Hoo yeah awkward shit

8. been cheated on? nah

9. lost someone special? Yeah I guess?

10. been depressed? Not been diagnosed with anything but I do get uhh depressive states I Guess

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? Yeah lmao

12. fave colors: I like primary colours and also dark blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Yeah tons bc uni

16. fallen out of love? Mmm unfortunately not

17. laughed until you cried? Yeah a couple times

18. found out someone was talking about you? Yh I heard my flatmate mention me once and misgender me so now im like knife eyes

19. met someone who changed you? Lots of people

20. found out who your friends are? Yeahh? Idk what this means

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? Uhh yes I think like 4 people

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? Most of them JNFDSKJGHS im not gonna count im lazy

23. do you have any pets? Used 2 hav a dog but all dogs go 2 heaven. Also I love that film that film was my whole childhood

24. do you want to change your name? legally yh I want 2 change it 2 richard but im lazy and clueless about how to do it

25. what did you do for your last birthday? I went 2 the pub with uni friends and it was super super sweet

26. what time did you wake up today? Like 11/12 bc im a disaster

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? Probably watching jane the virgin

28. what is something you cant wait for? To get on T BINCH and also to move into my new house in july

30. what are you listening to right now? Nothing I cant listen 2 music and write who do u think I am, superman???

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? That’s my brothers name KJGDKGD

32. something thats getting on your nerves? How dirty the kitchen is

33. most visited website? Def tumblr like 100% im always here its lame

34. hair color: mousey brown, what it is now

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: we’re sorry! You must purchase the premium toadcircus package to unlock this answer.

37. what do you like about yourself: I like that I can make people laugh, I like my nose, I like that I think in a bit of a squiffy way compared 2 other people bc sometimes its cool

38. want any piercings? I want 2 get my ear pierced maybe and get a little ring that’d look cool I think. Maybe my bridge pierced idk

39. blood type: dude idk

40. nicknames: Richard (Im putting my actual name as a nickname bc its used more as a nickname than my nickname is), ricky, richardio, ricardio, rich…. Charlie called me Bichy once I think, which is a hightlight

41. relationship status: single as HELL and sad about it

42. zodiac: libra

43. pronouns: he/him

44. fave tv shows: always sunny, peep show, that mitchelle and webb look, jane the virgin, crazy ex girlfriend, dirk gently holistic detective agency, Brooklyn 99… I like a lot of shows, more than this. I just cant remember them

45. tattoos: none atm but I want some

46. right or left handed: right

47. ever had surgery: no

48. piercings: septum

49. sport: rolling fat doinks

50. vacation: I want 2 go to Amsterdam

51. trainers: what

more general

52. eating: I wish you didn’t have to eat and instead you’d just take these like, nutrition pills and that eating was like, a hobby or something. Bc I don’t like it much altho I boredom eat quite a lot so im just a hypocrite. Oh I just saw the next question, u mean what im eating right now gkjfkgd nothing

53. drinking: squash

54. im about to watch: not the latest crazy exgf ep, but the one before bc I got half way thru apparantely and just stopped and I forgot what I watched anyway so im gonna rewatch it

55. waiting for: to get deeper into my new projects. That sentence doesn’t make sense but that’s the questions fault, not me

56. want: I want 2 do a bong hit and play more half life 2 TBH

57. get married: hopefully someday

58. career: hopefully drawing shit. Commission me

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: literally anything

60. lips or eyes: eyes. I notice eyes first like the colour and stuff but good lips r essential (don’t hold me to this if I date someone with weird lips)

61. shorter or taller: I don’t mind, being with someone shorter would make me feel taller but then we’d both be really short idk… taller probs

62. older or younger: no one older than like… 26 atm I think. Or younger than 18 obviously but I think maybe actually 19 bc that’s uni age. So is 18 idk idk

63. nice arms or stomach: arms

64. hookup or relationship: relationship 100%

65. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: yeah hoohoo

67. drank hard liquor: yeee

68. lost glasses: I don’t have glasses

69. turned someone down: yeahh

70. sex on first date: no

71. broken someones heart: hhhhhhh probably (this is dabbens answer but it was legit what I was going to type)

72. had your heart broken: yh binch probably

73. been arrested: No and hopefully never amen

74. cried when someone died: yeah ofc

75. fallen for a friend: yeah

do you believe in

76. yourself: kind of! I believe I can do fun big things hopefully but only if I stop being so scatty

77. miracles: I suppose

78. love at first sight: kind of yeah. I think sometimes you can tell when you’re attracted to someone when you first see them and sometimes you can fall in love with them also

79. santa claus: nop

80. kiss on a first date: sure if he’s cute and im feelin it

81. angels: sort of

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t like saying people are my best friend because im always scared that they wont see me as their best friend when I see them as mine so I just have friends but some friends that I see and think about more often

83. eye colour: blue

84. fave movie: idk there r 2 many 2 choose

85. fave actor Armie Hammer is hot shit and I want 2 look at him all the time.

i’m gonna tag

@dreamsweetinseamajor @groovy-vampire @ickyyy @furcoat

[the-meandering-manuscript]

How to Learn from Your Favorite Characters

Hello!

Today I thought I’d take a look at some of my favorite characters, and see how I can use them to improve my own writing.  This post may contain spoilers, so be careful!

Benjamin Tallmadge, TURN: Washington’s Spies

This character is actually based on the revolutionary war hero of the same name, and the same revolutionary war hero that my Benjamin is based upon, which probably accounts for why I love him so much.  Now I’ve only been watching TURN for a little bit, but he has easily become one of my favorite characters.  Incredibly brave, and at times a little reckless, Ben usually is the one who takes action into his own hands, whether it's starting a spy ring, or laying a trap to catch traitors.  But that isn’t why I’ve come to love him.  Ben makes mistakes.  A lot of them.  He doesn’t follow orders.  He doesn’t know when he is asking too much.  He guides himself by his own innate sense of right and wrong, rather than George Washington’s instructions.  Even if I’ve never had to start a spy ring to save my country, I can relate to him.  Ben wants to do what’s right, and he’ll stop at nothing to make sure that it gets done.  And, like a lot of us, Ben wants validation.  He wants George Washington to be proud of him, but that doesn’t always happen.  For all the times he’s succeeded, there’s been a time where Ben has gone too far, and plenty of times where Washington almost fires him.  In the end, Ben is like all of us.  Desperate to prove himself, learning as he goes through life, and just wants to do the right thing.

What we can learn from Ben:  Just because your character is in an unimaginable situation- he’s an alien trying to blend in among humans, or an assassin just wanting to make enough money to scrape by- doesn’t mean that reader can’t relate to him.  By giving these characters fears that we all have, readers are able to see a piece of themselves in your character, even if they will never experience the same situation.

2. Mary Woodhull, TURN: Washington’s Spies

I’m sorry for another TURN character, but the show is really good, and everyone should go watch it.  As much as I love Benjamin, Mary is my favorite character on the show.  Once a staunch loyalist, she soon loses her loyalty to her country and decides that her family is more important than choosing between King George and the Congress.  With her patriot spy husband, Abraham, constantly putting their family into danger, Mary quickly adapts and starts to cover up his crimes, and she begins to take matters into her own hands.  When a British officer starts to terrorize her town, Mary is the one who tries to shoot him, and even if she misses, she does incapacitate him for a couple of days.  But don’t think she’s doing it for the Patriots.  In the process of shooting the British officer, she uses a patriot spy, one of her husband’s best friends, as a decoy, sending the redcoats after him so she would have her chance.  On top of it all, Mary does all of this for little to no credit.  Her own husband didn’t even know that she shot a British officer to protect him, and the patriot spies still see her as Abraham’s interfering, loyalist wife.

What we can learn from Mary: Play with your character’s loyalties.  What happens when they’re not loyal to a side, but one person?  How does this change their actions?  How do other people view this character?  Or, instead of one person, try a character whose only loyalty is towards their family.  Mary will do anything to keep her son and husband safe.  Does this make her dangerous?  Or is she less of a threat this way?

3. Carlton Lassiter, Psych

In Psych, Lassiter is usually the one who squashes the main characters’ plans, which can make him come across as a grumpy old stick-in-the-mud.  But trust me, he has his redeeming qualities.  Lassiter, or more affectionately known as Lassie, puts himself fully into his police work; is always looking out for his partner, Juliet; and he’s been hurt, just like the rest of us.  Lassie always fully applies himself to his job, and always strives to do a good job, and while sometimes it seems like police work is the only thing he cares about, he is truly passionate about it.  To me, Lassie views his partner, Juliet, as more of a little sister, and while this dynamic can sometimes be problematic (suggests that women need a man protecting her), their relationship is truly very sweet, and Lassie doesn’t want Juliet being hurt like he was by his ex-wife.  Also, while it can seem that Lassie is incapable of loving anyone or anything, he does find love and get married, which shows a side to Lassie that hadn’t been seen before.

What we can learn from Lassie: Even if a character is usually at odds with your protagonist, that doesn’t make them wrong or evil.  Make sure this character is well-rounded, with both flaws and redeeming qualities, so they don’t come across as one-sided.  Also, if this character is one-sided, it reflects poorly on your protagonist, since it can make them look perfect and Mary Sue-like if everyone who disagrees with them is bad.

4. The Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who

The Eleventh Doctor is my favorite doctor for a reason.  While he comes across as kiddish and immature, he really feels quite guilty over his past lives.  He struggles with coming to terms with his past actions and truly is running away from his mistakes until he is forced to face them.  This inner darkness is something that separates Eleven from his counterparts, and what makes him my favorite character.  He isn’t completely consumed by his guilt though.  He’s silly and awkward, and extremely compassionate, almost sometimes to a fault.  But it’s the combination of his silliness and the darkness that make Eleven so interesting.  His occasional angry outbursts are somewhat terrifying, and they’re something we haven’t seen from the other doctors, but they’re always sandwiched between episodes of goofiness, which makes him lovable as well.

What we can learn from Eleven: All characters need balance.  They can’t be all bad, all good, all silly, all serious.  It’s impossible to pick one trait to define a person, so you can’t do the same with your characters.  Maybe you have a silly character, but they need to have a personality trait other than silly.  Take a note from the Eleventh Doctor and give your character a conflicting personality trait so they don’t come across as one-sided and unbelievable.

5. Eowyn, The Lord of the Rings

In fantasy, a genre where many women are saved by men and don’t do much else, it is refreshing to see a character such as Eowyn.  Loyal to Rohan and her uncle, King Theoden, Eowyn wants to fight to save her homeland but isn’t allowed to because she is a woman.  She finds solidarity in Merry, who is also unable to fight because he is a hobbit.  In the end, she is the one who slays the Wraith King, one of the most powerful villains in Middle Earth.  Sadly, J.R.R. Tolkien’s female characters really aren’t very developed past their love interests (Eowyn and Arwen both serve primarily as Aragorn’s love interests), but Eowyn shines the most out of all the female characters.  She is guided by her emotion, and though does fill the stereotype of a disgruntled princess, she will to anything for her home and her people.

What we can learn from Eowyn: Women can be just as effective as men in battle.  Eowyn kills the Wraith King, something that no man can do.  We can learn from Tolkien’s mistakes here.  A character can be a love interest, but that shouldn’t be their only defining quality.  Think about it.  If you like someone, it’s usually because of their personality.  They’re funny, smart, kind, just like love interests in books should be, but hardly are, especially in older fantasy.  Also, remember that people in real life have other interests other than their romantic partners- consider hobbies, schooling, a career, and a family for your character.  Also, be careful about just making your love interest useless in all other aspects.  If they have no place in the story, other than being a love interest, you need to rework your story or get rid of the character altogether.

[talabib]

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[thegirlthatlivesinsideofme]

Lose yourself, lose your love, or lose your family.

Options. It seems like I have all the options and not a single one seems to make since or make me feel like it's the "right" decision. Option one and option 2 are basically the same. Slightly different but the same outcome. Option 3 holds a new world of possibilities and is exciting and scary and painful all at the same time. I've waited too long to write this. I had a moment of clarity the other day and I felt like this is what needs to happen! My marriage is not good. It hasn't been good in a long time. I think that having Gresham gave us a false hope for a bit but it's hard being a parent and that was sure to wear off eventually. Gresham made us a family. Before him we were just two people who lived together and kinda enjoyed each other's company but mostly just shared a bunch of mutual friends. The sex was fine. Not terrible but nothing special. We don't do anything special for each other and even when we do we don't know what to do for each other. I don't want a marriage like that. We have been to counseling multiple times and yet we are still here in this place. Numb and broken. We went to counseling right after my affair with Ken and Michelle we had maybe 3 sessions with them. . Then I went to Scott for a little while. I think probably 6 weeks. I was a different person in those day. I took full responsibility for the affair and it wasn't 100% my fault. I wasn't fulfilled and that should have been a red flag but I was so willing to do anything g to make it work and so I don't feel like anyone focused on why it happened they just focused on how I could heal and make my marriage work. Let's just put a bandaid on the wound of yours and teach you how to keep on keepin on. Then when Mary Beth got married shit hit the fan again and Chris was so over it. He had been ignoring all the things that drove him crazy until he just exploded on me at her wedding. And then after. We went together for a while again maybe 6 weeks? And idk why we stopped other than feeling like we must have had it all figured out. I remember feeling like this is good we are actually talking about things. That was before Gresham was even a thought. I guess since then we have just kinda been plugging along. Things were fine but I was still looking for trouble on my end. I'd be fine for a little bit and then I'd start getting attention from someone and I'd run with it. Between Anthony, Michael, and parr. I always had someone to tell me that I was beautiful and make me feel wanted. I wasn't really acting in anything so I just felt like this is working and I'm not technically doing anything wrong. I wanted to but I wasn't acting on it mostly cause they weren't. So we had Gresham and he is amazing and we have had some great moments being parents together. You made a human and he's amazing and that pretty dang cool. You get to see all the firsts and share something together that truly makes you one. But all the while we still haven't been great. Just going through the motions. I know what not to do in public and how not to act so I just kinda shut down and keep my quiet and that's not ok. I feel ignored like I'm not interesting, and like if I'm not offering sex or keeping the house clean I'm basically the worst. So thinking about all of that and thinking back to our past where even when we were dating Chris was sure to tell me how relationships were a give and take and I look back and see that I gave a lot and I'm not really sure what he was giving back. We were always hanging with friends. If we were alone it was because we were having sex. We did have fun on the lake a good bit but I was happy to be around him. 🙄 I literally used to sit in his lap and watch him play video games. Mostly because that's what we were doing and I wanted to be with him but we didn't have internet on our phones yet and it was his house so I had nothing to do. My hobbies we literally "hanging out with my friends" Anyway. So it's never been great. But I believed in dating for marriage and Chris is ultimately a really great guy. He's nice. He loves the lord. He provides. He has character. But he's also a lot of not so great things too. He's judgy, he's uninterested, he's selfish, he's a bit arrogant, he's controlling, hes untrusting, and a workaholic. Oh and he literally always sees the worst in me and questions my motives Anyway so looking at my marriage things have to change. I don't feel like I can really be myself, I don't really share my heart with him because I'm told that I'm wrong or I'm just shattered cause he disagrees and idk he just squashes hope and shits in things that others find joy in. He questions my motives about everything even something as small as dancing at weddings or singing at church. He's always looking over my shoulder because he doesn't trust me. I just don't act the same with him as I do with my friends because he doesn't know me like that and he never could because that wasn't good for my marriage. Those things caused fights. I feel like the smartest option in all of this crap is the give my marriage another chance. To go to counseling and get some psychological advice from someone uninvolved and talk to Chris and explain that I don't want to live this way anymore. That I don't want to be in a marriage where I feel I have to hide who I am all the time or tone who I am down to keep him happy and to actually try it and see if it works and if he is actually happy then great my marriage is for once what it should be and we are happy and actually friends. The problem with that is that I lose thomas and that isn't something that I want but I know that if this actually works that I would be happy at least I think I would. But to be honest I don't have a whole lot of confidence in that plan I don't see Chris being ok with it at all. And I feel like it would collapse really fast. And I'm honestly not sure that deep down I'd ever be truest happy but again that based off my thoughts as someone who isn't really herself around him now. The other part of me wants to quit now. But I think that's just me taking the easiest option. And I think it's also because I really do t want to lose thomas. I never ever thought I would be in love with him and NEVER thought It would get me to the point of considering leaving my husband. But I know I can't do this for thomas. I can't even let him be in my thoughts about it. I have to think about this like what would I do if I didn't have him in the picture and I think I would still want to try but try this new way. Part of me wants to just tell Chris the truth because I have not been fair to him and he hasn't to me either but I literally always have someone emotionally fulfilling me. And sometimes sexually fulfilling me. And it's not right and it's not fair and I know he deserves to be happy. I know he has thought about being with other women and never acted on it and I know he could be so happy with another woman and that oddly doesn't bother me it makes me happy for him because I feel like he feels stuck with me. That's no way to live. And it's not what you should model for your children. I also know that if he knew the truth he would hate me and he wouldn't want me. And it would be one bad ugly terrible shit show divorce and he would take as much as he possibly could from me. I also have to think about the future if we end things. It's great that thomas and I are in love and that we have something really special but what if Chris and I dont end up together and thomas and I do and then we break up a few years down the road. Will I regret not trying harder or just sucking it up so that my family was still together? I feel like if I give the "be myself plan" a chance and it still doesn't work then I won't have regrets and if thomas isn't waiting for me at the end of that then it wouldn't have worked anyway. I know for sure I don't want things to continue the way they are. Thomas and I are going to feel heartache regardless because the easier option of just giving up isn't the smartest option so either he leaves and we both hurt or he waits and we still both hurt but he hurts more. Or my worst nightmare I actually become happy with Chris and leave thomas with nothing. I don't want that to be an option either. Ughhhh this is so hard.