#I don’t have a lot of time for fandom stuff cause I’m in grad school atm ))):

[basschan]

Learning how to draw Pomni finally, so fun!!!

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[sallysoot]

୧  ABOUT ME & THE BLOG ☆ ╮

i figured i should toss an about into my pinned post as well, so here’s that! <3

сайн уу? i’m sally! i’m 23 and a college student—within in spitting distance of grad school, holy shit!! i suffer from a genetic disorder that causes a great deal of pain and general unwellness— it affects all connective tissue in my body, including my hands. so some days, typing may genuinely be too much for me and i’ll take a bit of time off. i’m also neurodivergent and just generally swamped with schoolwork so please be patient with me when it comes to filling requests, answering asks, etc.! as of now, i’m aspiring to return from a months-long hiatus from this account so watch your step; things might be moving around a lot!

QNA

how long have you been into the dream smp? i got into the dream smp in the time before the lore came to be, but i’m chronically behind on streams. at this point, i don’t keep up at all, i just invest all my time in fan content and rp with friends. spoilers are fine by me, though!

favorites? my favorite ccs (not characters) are wilbur, technoblade, and jschlatt.my favorite characters (not ccs) are dream, tubbo, phil, and technoblade (again. I RLY LIKE TECHNOBLADE).

identity? i have a weird relationship with gender!! you can use she/they/he for me, but please do just pick one and stick to it. i don’t mind gendered terms, so you’re welcome to call me miss/ma’am/sis/girl/sir/king/mister/etc.! the only thing i don’t like are the neutral terms (theydy, gentlethey, mx., and so on).

MBTI/zodiac/etc.? (this stuff is just for fun and i don’t actually put stock in it!) INFP/J-T (could go either way tbh), enneagram 2w1, pisces sun/pisces rising/saggitarius moon/a bunch of aries scattered around tbh, gryffindor, daughter of iris (it’s not poseidon i know we’re all VERY SHOCKED)

why did you make this blog? i’m a simp, plain and simple. like there’s more to it, how i always write for every fandom i’m in and it’s core to my experience with media, blah blah blah, I’M A SIMP.

will you write [x]? check out my rules! chances are the answer is yes, generally, because i’m not that uncomfortable with most topics, but i may just not be in the mood to write something at a specific time. you’re welcome to ask what i’ll write about even when requests are closed so you’ll know if you can make a specific requests once they’re open, but please be certain to phrase it as a question & not a request!

[litrojia]

Personal Update

I think I ought to provide a personal update to all of you, just to vent all my thoughts somewhere and to explain my recent activity.

Personal Life

Like many of you, 2020 was not kind to me. While I fortunately haven't been directly impacted by COVID yet, the pandemic amplified some minor personal missteps to the point where I'm extremely anxious about my future.

I'm a college student, and I'll have a bachelor's in engineering in May. My GPA is phenomenal, but I fear that's all I have going for me. The thing that really matters are connections, as well as the early experiences that connections help with. I don't have that. I'm quite shy and never put myself out there to anybody in the industry or professors, nor do I come from a family of engineers who can get me a job through nepotism. Either it was too late when I realized that connections were at least as important as grades, or I willingly buried my head in the sand. By the time I was planning to sort myself out and put myself out there, COVID hit, putting an end to physical interaction and any shot at an internship last summer, which I was really counting on. More recently, I've all but canned some plans that I had for grad school. I don't feel like it's worth it in the position I'm in. Thus, I've jumped right into finding jobs, and it's tough. I imagine it's a mix of a bad economy and just not knowing how to do it since I've never been hired for a competitive position. I'm gonna need a lot of luck.

I know I'm not alone, but it weighs heavily on me. Sometimes it overwhelms me. When I think about it, I feel bad to do anything else to enjoy myself (especially art), but at the same time I feel defeated and discouraged from trying, so it becomes a vicious cycle.

Art

I fell off hard in the second half of last year. ATG last June burned me out. By the time I recovered from it, my computer broke. And by the time my computer was fixed and I was getting back into art again, the semester started. It wasn't even a particularly hard semester, but I just struggled with time management. This break between semesters (started a month ago, ending very soon) hasn't been too productive either. There's still lots that I want to do (OC development, learning to draw backgrounds once and for all, collabs, anthro, non-pony, just some good ol' canon ponies more than once every few months, reviving that kinky alt of mine I've mentioned here once, and probably more), but I just struggle to focus on it with the world weighing on my mind.

A few months ago, I opened commissions. If any of my commissioners are reading this, thank you again for buying one. I was a little disappointed with the demand I got for them, but I figure it was mostly because when I opened them and ever since, I've barely ever been drawing. I might not have been able to handle a lot of commissions anyways. For now though, commissions are closed, and I'm not sure when they'll open back up.

Online Relationships

I've been becoming more closed off online (and offline probably) over the past few months. Again, it has to do mostly with poor time management and stress. I treasure many of my past interactions, and I'd love to talk to more people online, but I just struggle to balance it all. If I've drifted away from you lately, it's not anything to do with you. Maybe I'll be able to get back out of my shell soon.

Twitter etc.

Twitter bothers me a lot. Actually, nearly all of the art sites bother me, but Twitter bothers me most. First of all, it's one of the greatest hotbeds of toxicity ever. Even outside of a strictly political sense (which needs no elaboration, but I must say makes me fear for the world's future), it still leads to all sorts of unwarranted harassment that isn't good for society. I'm looking at you, "Trixie is trans" folks. That drama, along with the Capitol stuff, is the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Secondly, it just isn't an art site. People use it because others use it and because it has porn. That's all. There's no organization on Twitter, and stuff just gets easily lost to time. And yet, some artists not only put up with Twitter, but can't get enough of it. They get caught up in trends that spam my feed. They get caught up by numbers. They use fleets, which is just the dumb corporate "stories" fad imported to Twitter, and doesn't even appear on desktop (which is both a blessing and a curse). Some call themselves "Twitter artists", letting it form their identity. But really, I can't blame these people, and if I described you, I don't mean to cause offense. The toxic hellhole of Twitter just shows no mercy in corrupting reasonable people. And the people who run Twitter love every single bit of it. Fuck Twitter.

I don't want to support Twitter, and I've been considering abandoning it, even if it means losing most of my following. I have a few artist friends who don't actively use Twitter and they live, though frankly they have less of a following, so there's less pressure there. However, the main reason I stick around is because so many artists only use Twitter, so that's where I can see their art. If I do leave it, an idea I've been considering is doing a raffle on all of my other sites. Not only would it encourage a few people to follow me on new sites, but maybe, just maybe it would encourage people to use sites other than Twitter. Still, I would need to either say goodbye to a lot of art or browse Twitter without actually using it (RSS? Keep the account to browse but not interact?).

It sucks though, because besides Twitter, where else is there? I've been getting more and more fed up with DeviantArt, my second most popular page, seemingly purposely killing their website. Tumblr is already dead, and if Pillowfort is supposed to be mimicking Tumblr, then it mimics Tumblr's inactivity best. I created a Newgrounds account recently and it actually seems pretty decent for art, but it too is dead. I've always been heavily active on Derpibooru, but that lacks the features of a full-fledged art site and has its own drama. As an aside, I actually joined staff there pretty recently. I understand that some people may not be happy with that site or its staff, and sometimes I'd agree with you, but it's been so incredibly valuable to me in exploring the pony fandom that I felt obligated to help it out, and I hope you can accept that. Anyways, Inkbunny looks like it'd be great if it weren't for all the... y'know. FurAffinity exists I guess. And Instagram is just Twitter but worse. I'll never touch it.

If you read everything up to here, or at least skimmed it thoroughly enough to understand, thank you.

[airbender-dacyon]

So… if you’re new to my blog, this is a pretty common occurrence, unfortunately.  I tend to be regularly active for a short stretch of time and then go radio silent for weeks or months on end.  It’s never intentional and I always say something like this when I get back from a hiatus – I apologize for being away and not taking care of things like I needed to.  It can be as simple as answering an ask or messaging a friend – and all of you have the patience of saints, especially @kristallioness – or taking care of things for Kataang Week.  Things that should rightly take only a few minutes – or maybe twenty-thirty minutes of my day or even of my week – if I could focus long enough to take care of them. 

I guess this is just going to be a flow of consciousness sort of thing.  We’ll see if it makes any sense at the end. 

I started grad school a few months ago and combined with everything else this year (work/family stresses, losing two close relatives, etc.), my life has felt like hell.  There’s been the good parts – grad school is going alright, I’m learning, I’m furthering my experience and knowledge within my field, I’ve made plenty of friends and gotten to grow a bit as a person.  But there’s been plenty of the bad, too – I lose at least 10 hours a week just to my commutes, bills are stacking up, I feel wholly unprepared/unqualified for working in my field, stress/depression is snowballing (this is probably the biggest cause of everything), etc.  Typical things in life that I must learn to handle better.

The tumblr/fandom stress hasn’t helped.  I see blogs, people I used to talk to become totally inactive or disappear completely.  Some blogs I’ve seen get deleted without warning, thanks to tumblr itself. Fanfics and fan art have been disappearing for some time now and it all just breaks my heart.  Not just losing the conversations I’ve had with these amazing people, but all the memories and all the contributions to the fandoms.  I believe we put a part of ourselves in everything we create, so when anything we make is lost, it can cut us – and the people we have touched through our art – deeper than we might expect it to. 

Plus, for the last few months, with everything in my real life going on, fandom has felt a lot like a chore.  I can’t remember if I’ve said this before or not, but that’s what it felt like.  I hate that that’s what it felt like, but it’s the truth.  And unfortunately, it gets relegated to the bottom of the chore pile – least importance.  And when something feels like a chore, you don’t want to do it. 

I’m used to stress as a student.  Grad school just intensified that a lot.  However, I’m not used to the stress of being an instructor. The catch to my getting into grad school was that I had to do it through an assistant-ship.  So, its not just concern for my grades and my well-being, but for all the students I teach as well.  Because if I as a student miss a class, all I have to worry about is making up the work later on.  If I as a teacher miss a class, the students fall behind in their work and I am in trouble (if I couldn’t find a substitute in time).  To me, it’s been more stressful than a standard job – I have to force myself to make it to school for the sake of the students.  (Somehow I’ve not missed a day yet.)  Don’t get me wrong, I want to be there, too, but it just feels as though all the stress from this year (past several years, probably, if I’m being honest) just continues to grow and grow and I’m afraid it’s going to burst at the worst possible moment. 

And my advisor and other students keep encouraging me, praising me, telling me how great I’m doing.  (Especially in comparison to the person who preceded me, who apparently set the bar very, very low.)  And this makes me feel as if I’m just going to fail even more.  I feel as if they’re all building me up into something I’m not and when I crumble, they’re going to realize they picked the wrong guy for the job. 

At the same time, that stress makes me more motivated to succeed.  I need to work through it, to understand it, in order to do better.  I’m sure many of you know what this is like personally. It sucks.  But its necessary to move forward in life.  Because it will always be a part of us and we need to learn how to deal with it. 

So, I’m done with making excuses and apologies. I think you are all more understanding of my situation than I am.  Life happens and its unavoidable.  From what some of you have told me, you have lives far more stressful than mine and yet you manage to not only remain involved in fandom, you thrive in it.  I wish I could as well. 

I’m not promising I’ll be on here more consistently.  But I’m going to make a hell of a lot stronger effort to try.  I’m planning to at least check in once a week – something I’m sure I’ve promised before.

I don’t really know if any of this is making sense.  It’s ~1:30 AM here in little rural Ohio and my brain is fried from teaching, studying, and Season 3 of The Dragon Prince.  So I’m also running on the absolute hype that came from TDP.  I guess I’m just trying to channel all my energy into semi-coherent thoughts to explain things about life that seem somewhat revelatory to my sleep deprived mind but are really things we all know already. 

Speaking of Dragon Prince, I’ll probably be posting major spoilery stuff from Season 3 for like the next several weeks to forever.  Because reasons.  It was amazing.

The more I put things off, the more it stresses me out.  It’s that simple.  All the things weighing over my head just continue to grow because I keep putting them off.  And the only way I’m going to change it is if I can face the problems head on.  I have to relearn the mindset I lost 7-8 years ago when I could always remain on top of my work and my hobbies. 

So, I think I’m going to go work on a message for some people in the Dragon Prince fandom and then maybe use the energy I have left to get working on a story I’ve had for some time.  And then we’ll see where that takes me. 

Since I’ll inevitably crash within the next hour or so, my plan for when I wake up is to get my grading done (bleh) and then focus on finally taking care of the submissions from Kataang Week when it ended like 3 months ago.  And answer asks/messages sometime this weekend.  Preferably tomorrow, er, later today.  I don’t want to take on too much at once, but at the same time, I need to take care of things or the weight of it all will just continue to grow. 

Thank you, if you’ve taken the time to read this. I hope to talk to you all soon. You are all wonderful friends and followers that I am eternally grateful to have in my life and I love you all for putting up with my shenanigans.

- Dan

[eilidhink]

In general:

Real name: Melissa

Nicknames: Mel

Age: 33

Sexuality: Bi/queer. Vaguely aro, but in an uncommitted way

Preferred pronouns: She, but I’m good with they, too

Are you a morning person?: I have to be for work but I resent it a lot.

When swimming, do you prefer to do it in the ocean, or in a lake?: I can’t remember the last time I went swimming anywhere. I guess lake?

On Tumblr:

Anyone you would like to meet in real life?: All of you. But I think especially @morpheoussilvercreature because YOU’RE RIGHT THERE HOW HAVE WE NOT HUNG OUT YET?

Anyone you have met in real life?: @notyourshrink​ and I got to hang out once and it was great. It was before Eilidh existed, though, so we definitely talked about our other muses but tragically did not get to cry on each other about Eilidh and Ames.

When did you first join? How old is your current account?:  I make Truck’s blog in summer 2014, so Eilidh’s was... I guess around November of that year? My fandom/personal is older than both, though.

Any peeves?: I was already salty on this topic once today.

Unpopular opinion: You guys I have a lot of these but the only ones I can think of are things that I know some of my mutuals here disagree with, and I don’t want to make people feel bad because I think for most of them there are reasonable middle grounds and reasons to feel differently etc so I’m gonna abstain on this one.

Feelings:

Do you easily get jealous?: Nope.

Do you easily get angry?: Not really. There are things that can get me angry real fast, but they’re few and far between.

Are you easy to cheer up?: I’m going to go with “it depends on the reason I’m not cheery.” If it’s circumstantial, then yeah, it doesn’t take a whole lot for me to switch gears to something happier and shake off a bad mood. But if it’s a depression thing, that’s harder, because it’s like... fuck it, pokemon metaphor: depression for me is like my mood having a type weakness where “things that make it worse” are SUPER EFFECTIVE but “things that make it better are “NOT VERY EFFECTIVE” and also revives don’t work.

What’s the most hurtful thing someone could do to you?: I don’t know. This isn’t a fun thought experiment.

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has done to you?: I mean... okay, so there have been deeply hurtful things people have done to me that don’t feel like the worst thing ever anymore just because time has passed and I have more perspective on them. And then there are more recent things that feel more hurtful just because they’re fresh, you know? But I’m not going to get into those because the one that stands out most was an rp thing (none of you guys were involved though, we’re all good <3) and that makes it feel like gossip or something, talking about it here.

Are you good at hiding your emotions?: Yeah. Like, super good, and it’s not even intentional most of the time. If I could ever afford therapy that would probably be a thing we talk about tbh bc it’s related to Issues from childhood but *shrug emoji*

What’s the very best way to cheer you up?:  For all the rough patches there have been with it, rp mostly has been a big positive for me. Like, people engaging with my characters and creating stories with me makes me incredibly happy.

Relationships:

Are you currently in a relationship?: Nah.

Do you currently have a crush on someone?:   I don’t fucking know. Here’s the thing: some days I can’t remember the last time I had a crush and feel completely apathetic about romance etc, and some days I feel like I have crushes on a bunch of my friends, here and irl (within a certain appropriate age range). idk. tl;dr feelings are weird and it’s been too long since I made out with someone.

If yes, might that someone be reading this?: I mean, based on my last answer, yeah? But listen these are weird, kinda aro crushes that are mostly just lots of affection and admiration for immense creativity and stuff, like... the most chill of affectionate feelings.

Do you kiss on the first date?: I have and would again.

Do you prefer going out, or staying home, when it comes to dates?: Listen, I’m working full time. I am Tired. The idea of going out on a Date exhausts me. But also there’s this beachfront place that has good wine and a view and it’s really chill and I’d be down for that kind of going out.

Things:

Favorite drink: I’ve been craving a Thai iced tea ever since it started getting hot out.

Favorite food:  Yes.

Most calming place?: The woods in the Poconos or the prairie at the Chicago Botanic Garden.

Most stressful place?: Very few places cause me actual stress and anxiety like the campus where I went to grad school. Bad associations.

Most prized possession?: *looks at my book collection* I cannot choose between my children. (But for real, I’m a sentimental packrat, I have a lot of things I love.)

tagged by: @intolerablexsacrifice​

tagging: anybody who wants to do the thing

[fyodorscenarios]

Tagged by @yokohamastraydogs . Thank you!

Tag game under the cut cause it’s kinda long:

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

No one had this url yet so it was kinda the obvious choice based on what I was planning on posting. It doesn’t get more straightforward than this kids. 

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

I didn’t take Wattpad into account because I’m lazy. The most I have on Tumblr is 42 notes on this one. Kinda surprising since I usually get 10-20 something notes on most stuff here. This scenario is an outlier lol. 

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

I don’t use AO3 much and I don’t even think my account had an icon. 

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I appreciate all the comments I get, so I don’t think I really have any favourite people who do so. 

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I mostly just go back and read Fyodor related scenarios that are actually decent. They’re in short supply. 

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

None lol, even when I used AO3 regularly I never did anything like that.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I mostly like writing AUs based on other fictional media I really like. Usually films, but I also have that Crime & Punishment AU. 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

I have 451 followers right now. 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

I can’t really think of anything off the top of my head. I mean I do have some fucked up smut ideas but I can’t write smut for shit even if it’s vanilla. 

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I’d like to get better at writing smut, and just in general writing actions because I think that’s a major problem of mine. I also need to get better at replying to comments because I never know what to say to people. Of course it would also be nice if I was able to update more frequently. 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

I don’t write ships...

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

None.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

15. Seems like a lot but I only write scenarios. I’ve never written a full story with chapters because I have commitment issues. At the most I’ve only done a sequel type thing. 

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I have a list of a bunch of ideas. If an idea gets big enough and I feel the need to write it, I’ll write down all the stuff I can think of for it in a document. 

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

No. 

16. How did you discover AO3?

Probably when I was looking for fanfiction in 2013. I won’t mention the fandom because I kinda regret being into it now. I read a lot of things I shouldn’t have read at 14.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

No lmao. Fyodor’s not a super popular character as it is. I feel like I’m probably well known enough for my liking though. 

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

No. I’m not that corny lol

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Ummm, idk? I do like novels but idk if any of them ever inspired me to write all that much. I’ve never really written a decent original story because in all honesty I don’t care much about that. I write this stupid fanfiction as wish fulfillment for myself because nobody would do it for me at the time. 

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Practice a lot, read a lot. I say read because it’ll help broaden your horizons, vocabulary, and give you ideas on styles to experiment with. You’ll likely also get a lot of inspiration from a good book, so don’t only read fanfiction. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Sometimes I just have a rough idea and start from there. In other cases I have most of what I want to happen written out and I just have to connect all of the pieces. Usually when it’s the latter though a lot ends up changing as I write. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

I don’t think I’ve had a bad comment before. The worst I’ve gotten is someone asking about the logic I used once, and I replied with what I actually meant. They were nice about it though originally and understood where I was coming from after I informed them. I’ve also had people point out a pun I accidentally made once, it kinda detracted from the seriousness of the story so looking back on it I feel like a dumbass. 

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Anything involving describing movement in all honesty. It’s at the point where I’d rather just only write dialogue, I love dialogue. 

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Just working on requests. I also have some ongoing one shots I thought of myself that I might finish eventually. 

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

Yeah. I just write what I’m in the mood for sometimes, so there’s a few things that only have a page written or haven’t been touched in ages. 

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

No. I’m really busy so I usually just write whenever I have free time and feel like it. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Yeah, for sure. I’m not sure if it’s by much but I do see it. 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Hmm, not sure. Though I like my angst more than anything else usually.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

I’m not really a big fan of the first one I wrote, since it’s mediocre. I’m also not super into the high school AU I did a little bit after that. 

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

I don’t plan on writing for my career and I don’t see myself continuing to write fanfic for that long. By then at most I’d probably be writing papers for grad school or writing a report for my job.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

Dialogue -- for me at least. 

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Describing movement and actions.

33. Why do you write?

It’s something to do with my free time. It’s also partially for wish fulfillment. 

-

Most people have probably be tagged already and I need to get back to studying now... 

[lieutenantcupcake]

My lame annual end of the year survey is a little belated...

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? Had my own apartment

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Not really. Last year’s was to stop giving a fuck about things that don’t matter and putting all my effort into the things that do and honestly that’s still a good one.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My cousin!!!

4. Did anyone close to you die? I don’t think so.

5. What countries did you visit? None

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? The ability to truly not give a fuck.

7. What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The Women’s March, maybe? It was pretty impressive.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Traveling by myself to Chicago to see Nick Cave alone and then putting my hot little hands all over his old goth body.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not doing more for the cause.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not really

11. What was the best thing you bought? Replacement spiky shoes.

14. Where did most of your money go? Grad school, ew

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Nick Cave.

16. What song will always remind you of 2017? Freedom--Beyonce

Compared to this time last year, are you:

17. Thinner or fatter? Fatter.

18. Richer or poorer? Poorer.

19. What do you wish you’d done more of? Traveling

20. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying. 

21. How will you be spending Christmas? I was at my grandmother’s house.

22. Did you fall in love in 2017? Nope

23.  What was your best costume of the year? I guess Rey? I didn’t really do a lot of costumey things this year which is upsetting.

24. What was your favorite TV program? uhhhh I watched so much Parks and Rec this year, does that count?

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Every single fucking person on the right side of the political spectrum.

26. What was the best book you read? lol i don’t read

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I just listen to the same stuff over and over again.

28. What did you want and get? Into grad school but now I kind of wish I hadn’t

29. What did you want and not get? lol

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I really enjoyed the beautiful 2 hour panic attack that was Dunkirk

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 30 and I went out with a bunch of my friends and it was nice.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Grad school not being a shitshow.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Lazy goth

34. What kept you sane? The usual mix of friends and fandom.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? The usual suspects: Oscar Isaac. Ryan Gosling. Rami Malek. Chris Evans. Gwendoline Christi. Diego Luna.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Everything, but the situation in Yemen really got to me bad when I was trying to do school work cause like, what the fuck am I doing making a fucking Victorian nurse’s cap when everyone in Yemen is dying.

37. Who did you miss? My friends

38. Who was the best new person you met? I’ve met some amazingly solid people in grad school who are the only thing keeping me going and I love all of them.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

The judge said five to ten-but I say double that again I'm not working for the clampdown No man born with a living soul Can be working for the clampdown Kick over the wall 'cause government's to fall How can you refuse it? Let fury have the hour, anger can be power D'you know that you can use it?

The voices in your head are calling Stop wasting your time, there's nothing coming Only a fool would think someone could save you The men at the factory are old and cunning You don't owe nothing, so boy get runnin' It's the best years of your life they want to steal

[fantasychica37]

Things I Did in Undertale

When I was playing, after I had accumulated a large number of fails, I decided to keep track of all the interesting things I did in Undertale to share with the world once I had finished.... only the list wound up being very different than I expected.

-Believed Flowey because I was a naive little cinnamon roll (OK, I watched the first 5 minutes of a playthrough when I was deciding whether or not to buy it, but still!)

-Got stuck with the menu controls and accidentally selected FIGHT and couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t move between items (although it seems to me like everyone has trouble with the menu & controls, next time have the controls available to look at, Toby Fox)

-Got killed by TORIEL

-Supposedly this is a nearly impossible feat and that’s quite impressive I managed that... nope, Asher, I just accidentally ran into the bullets like an idiot

-My friend was giving me vague hints so I tried to fight her and almost kill her and she had a full half of her HP left and I swear I wasn’t.... all right FINE I accidentally killed Toriel are you happy???? 

-And I had no idea what was going on and then she was still so nice WAAAAAAAH WHY MOM NOOOOOO

-Stood there for a second frozen in horror before closing the game window

-Had to do the whole long home sequence YET AGAIN

-Ate the cinnamon-butterscotch pie fighting Toriel

-Finally get past Toriel but then FUCKING FLOWEY MAKES FUN OF ME FOR SUCKING AT VIDEO GAMES SHUT UP I HATE THIS GAME

-What the... These monsters are so weird, and act like kids, and WAIT A MINUTE everyone is attacking me for no reason even though I haven’t killed anybody (permanently) I HATE THIS GAME

-Went on a date as a child??? I feel dirty participating in such a questionable situation...

-JIS STIY DITIRMIND shut up you condescending game that kills me and then offers me false encouragement

-Joined the online fandom early and got stuff spoiled

-Got stuck on Undyne and her stupid yellow arrows, gave up until I got my friend to get me past her when I went back to college for Homecoming two months later

-My grandmother was watching me play and got really interested in it!

-Many people in my Greek house full of nerds: “OMG you got Toriel to kill you? That’s very hard and very impre-” “SHUT UP I SUCK AT VIDEO GAMES”

-I HATE THIS GAME

-Therefore I missed the anniversary

-Apparently I should have been picking up more items to use as armor and HP, oh that random junk was armor???

-Got past Undyne thanks to my friend and THE GAME CAN’T KNOW I CHEATED BY GETTING MY FRIEND TO PLAY FOR ME HA TAKE THAT YOU STUPID GAME

-Instead of getting to progress with the story, went back to do some arcane trick that got me Dog Residue (WTF even is that?????) and then did grinding for 1000G to send Temmie of all people to college??? and THEN RIGHT WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER had to do grinding for 750 more G to get armor that would help me (I now realize my friend may have suggested that because I suck so much) and then she wants to go to grad school??? How is she this smart????? wtf is even going on??

-My friend looked it up and said that it started at 9999G and if I had a price of 750G I’d died 25 times at least (i suck at video games i hate this game well i like it but i also hate it)

-Not sure who Alphys had a crush on but I remembered fandom stuff and I guessed right! Thanks fandom!!!

-Got mad at my friends a lot when I lost (although Jerrell deserved it for telling me that when the game crashed the game was over; I’d been too spoiled for that)

-Failed twice more to have enough stuff for boss fights despite trying to

-spent from Friday night through Saturday playing almost nonstop and trying to chat with my friends while doing so because I’ve waited so long to progress!!

-YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS WHOLE FREAKY HORROR MOVIE SPIDER THING IF I’D ONLY BOUGHT THE STUPID 5G SPIDER CIDER??!!??

-...but I got through. I held on, and I persisted, and I got through.

-And that Temmie Armor is making things a lot easier.

-Still died left and right even with Temmie Armor...

-Including to something called freaking Tsunderplane.

-Wrote “fuck” a lot, Toby Fox, tried to write the Oath of Feanor for Mettaton’s essay

-I knew about Toriel and I think I knew about Asriel and Chara (can’t remember now, even though it’s only been 6 days since I finished the game it feels like a lifetime) but oh that New Home sequence!

-After all that suffering and the two months waiting for someone to peacefully get me past Undyne... it was a crown of honor to be judged by Sans. All of this- it has finally started to pay off. Bless you, Sans. (I am morally superior, look at me. *struts*)

-Felt for all the world when I was collecting as much stuff as possible to face Asgore like I was Harry Potter walking to my self-sacrifice in the Forbidden Forest.

-Called out for Asher, or Jerrell, or any of my friends, to sit with me in my emotion like no one ever sat with me in a time like this, called out like a lost child, confused and a little quietly... but nobody came.

-threw away things that I later realized were armor out of stupidity, threw away the worn dagger because somehow I forgot I had to fight Asgore... got empty gun instead eventually (but according to my save file I beat Asgore and Flowey by punching them with a glove. Sigh.)

-Asher, who showed up eventually, told me that I had to fight... but in contrast to Undyne with her yellow arrows and annoying music that I had to mute for my sanity, whom I would have loved to kick the butt of out of annoyance and frustration, I didn’t want to fight Asgore. Not in the slightest.

-Slammed that Mercy button and stroked Asgore’s face with a finger

-KILLED MY DAD IT’S ALL MY FAAAAAAULT

-OMG OMG MY GAME CRASHED THIS IS SO COOL

-UGH EW WHAT IS THAT

-But... to my surprise, I am not grossed out by Photoshop Flowey.

-Ran away right before my Greek house’s corporation meeting to fight an evil flower, huddled in the next room not talking to anybody

-Does Flowey not want me to keep playing and want me to go outside and do something better?

-No apparently I have to fight, oh right, it’s me being a naive cinnamon roll like at the very beginning of all this

-Went back in room, continued game during meeting with sound off

-Had to break when I got nominated for a position (didn’t get it)

-And cocooned safely in my armor, I played without fear- and when I did die, it wasn’t so horrible- kept going at it, and eventually received gifts from the souls.

-Had to break to get dinner, thankfully Flowey was still waiting for my response even though my laptop had gone to sleep for lack of power

-Slammed that Mercy button and stroked Flowey’s face with a finger (yes, always, I wish I could always do this, I wish everyone could be saved, in the real world too, o please)

-I’m back at the beginning, I think... maybe, if New Home is symmetrical to home... and I step through the door and... WAIT, THAT’S IT? WHERE AM I? HOW COULD I LEAVE? AND WHAT IS IT WITH THESE GAMES AND NOT LETTING US HAVE COMMUNICATION AND REUNIONS AND COHERENCE EVEN WHEN IT’S LOGICAL TO DO SO??

-But Asher said to trust the game, and- now, after I’m cradled in the fruit of my own kindness, after kindness has paid off as surely as Ned Stark defeated Littlefinger, and imbued with a calm confidence... I will.

-Was going to wait to play the second ending but wound up finishing the game later that night, with a member of the class of ‘82 or ‘83 who had never heard of Undertale before watching over my shoulder

-What Alphys was saying about souls... DO ALL THE PROBLEMS (Flowey) COME FROM SEXISM AND EXPECTATIONS OF WOMEN THAT CAUSE THEM TO HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM?

-Wait, why are they calling me Jess? I thought Jess was me as the player... later I found out that Jess was the first human, the one who is behind the Genocide route, and, in essence, the soul of the standard videogamer who grinds for EXP. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT, TOBY FOX YOU DICKHEAD! THIS IS NOT FAIR, I DO NOT ACCEPT THIS STEREOTYPING!

-Begged the ‘83 to hold my hand as I went to the end, and I awkwardly held it and he didn’t stop me

-IT’S TORIEL OH MY GOD IT’S TORIEL AGAIN JUST LIKE THE BEGINNING... AND LOOK! Everyone is here supporting me because of my unwavering Mercy and kindness! ( All of this- all the stupid dates and everything else I didn’t want to do because I wanted to get on with the story all paid off?) I love people talking like this, I am tear streaked and radiant, triumphant...

-Wait GOD DAMMIT ASGORE TAKE CHARA’S SOUL AND HANG OUT AROUND AN ICU OR SOMETHING TORIEL WAS RIGHT

-...aaaand what was I expecting from Undertale but Flowey ruining everything? It’s just like Game of Thrones or any story, really; you never get to keep your happy ending.

-Begged the ‘83 to hold my hand and he did

-But... cradled safe inside ages’ worth of grinding just to be kind, inside the fruit of my own kindness, with the assurance that I can get hit and not hurt so much or have nothing happen even, which makes it so that I don’t have anything to fear, and knowing that I only need to hold out and keep trying until the game delivers me its happy ending, knowing that I can, after all, trust the game- it makes me feel that even if I do die starting over wouldn’t be so bad, and that I am free to explore, free from my fear and dread for the first time in my life. I suppose that I am... filled with determination.

-Of course, I win, and I am crying, and so is Eric my ‘83 friend, and my kindness causes the villain to save the day, and oh! I get to hug Asriel, and yes oh yes I will take care of Mom and Dad for them, and everyone is talking and everything is beautiful, and I didn’t go all the way back to Asriel because I didn’t think I could but I walked through the land, yet AGAIN, talking to everyone, and then I went back, and I heard that Flowey would tell you to let Frisk be if I tried to play again, so yes, I am ready for my adventure to be over- I’m so disappointed that I’m not the one going to live with Toriel (we have a guestroom that they all could fit in while they get on their feet...), but I’ve had my fun and it’s time to let them go and be happy. I am sobbing and laughing for joy, and I beg Eric’s hand, and he gives it to me... and I step through the door.

-I’m sure many of you have seen how I have depression and lots of empathy so I feel bad things so strongly, how I was ruined over Theon Greyjoy, how I wish I could always be nice to everyone, and things would be okay for everyone- and o! This, this is my ultimate triumph, and it isn’t real none of it but this might be the greatest triumph I ever have, the greatest crown of honor I ever wear...

-except... fewer of you know that I am a Christian, albeit I put absolutely everything else before God, and playing this game has made me understand the idea of endurance, and perseverance, and acting as God wants you to, and faith in His providence, and I wonder if when I get to heaven it will feel like this.

-I LOVE THIS GAME.

-It is Sunday, October 8, 2017, at 12:57 (12:59?) am and I am tear-streaked and radiant. For once, I’ve gotten a perfectly happy ending, and yes, I do live with this glorious sunrise every single day, so: I say yes yes yes I will stay with you, and walk off holding Toriel’s hand just as I used to, and watch the credits for a long time, laughing with everyone’s happy ending, and at the end of it all (such sweet details are my favorite thing in the whole world), I get a second slice of butterscotch-cinnamon pie, the Annoying Dog shows up, I close the game embrace Eric who just met me but now knows me better than most, he leaves... and then I, just as the game wanted me to do all along with “you live with this?” and, in unexplored routes, “you murderer playing the game again and again”, open the door and poke my head outside, relishing the night sky and the crisp-cool air, and I praise God for everything that the real world is. I live here, and I can trust in that no matter what I have to do, if I just keep trying I can do it, and I’ll always, eventually, be taken care of, and I am absolutely, wholly filled with determination.

(I open the game again. Flowey speaks to me. I close the game. All is well.)

[theworldaccordingtodee]

For My New Followers

Hey y'all! I feel like need to make this post because I’ve gained a lot of new followers due to a very unfortunate situation, but I appreciate the love though.

So, welcome to my Tumblr.

A little bit about me: 1. I’m 26 2. Im a Black Woman, in case y'all didn’t know 3. Yes that’s a real photo of me as my avi 4. So I’m queer but I identify as straight for reasons. No I’ve never dated a girl (unless you count all those times when I was a kid that I ‘experimented’ with girls and guys-shh don’t tell my parents, well not my dad anyways 😂). I don’t really tell people that I’m queer in real life because one it’s not everyone’s business and two, I haven’t learned how to make that work with my spirituality/faith/religion. Speaking of… 5. I’m a Christian, well sorta. No, I am a Christian my faith in God/Jesus is VERY important to me. I’m very anti Christain church though, it’s problematic AF and I don’t think Jesus would be happy with it. If you’re an atheist, that’s cool, I’ve contemplated that a time or two. I don’t really post a lot about my faith here on tumblr, I just choose to let my light shine and let the big guy upstairs do the rest. So no worrries about random “do you know Jesus as your lord and savior” posts from me…I actually hate that shit 😂😂😂 6. Im from the south, Alabama to be exact; don’t judge me y'all I’m not a stupid hicktown hillbilly I promise. I actually detest like 98% of the things about my state but, I’m sticking around cause somebody’s gotta try and make this shitty place better right? 7. In reference to no. 5, my dad’s a minister, so'a my grandad and so was my great uncle, my great great grandad; I’ve even got an aunt who’s a pastor. My mom has a bachelor’s degree in Christain education, so I might chime in on biblical shit from time to time 🤷🏾‍♀️ 8. Per Myers Briggs-I’m an INTF,INFJ and one time I tested as an INFP. I think, I think a whole lot and I’m super introverted, but I’m passionate about a lot of shit. 9. I just got my bachelor’s degree in Sociology after an 8 year (yes it took me 8 years and not cause I was dumb; life kept fucking happening) struggle. I’m in the process of applying for Grad school at both USC (master’s of social work) and Northwestern (MA in Public Policy and Public Admin) Im doing it online and I plan to start in January

That’s enough personal stuff.

Let’s get to the technical stuff: My blog is a hodgepodge of shit, literally. I’m terrible at tagging so if you’re a stickler about tags, I apologize in advance.

My blog started out as Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice (that was my first fandom-good times), now it’s like 90% Once Upon a Time. I consider myself a multi shippper, prior to that thing I don’t wanna talk about I was a super hard Outlaw Queen shipper, I also like Dragon Queen and Dragon Outlaw Queen. I sorta ship Swan Queen but it’s complicated. I don’t like Emma or JMo but I do think there’s something there between them. I haven’t ventured off much into SQ fics because I’m a stickler about reading, but if anybody has suggestions I’m up for it. I blog a lot of Lana Parrilla things, I will almost fight you if you come for her in any way. The same applies to all of the new WOC. I stick up for WOC, period point blank. A lot of stuff posts from my Instagram (@thewrldacctodee) to here and most of my IG posts are of the kiddos I’m a nanny to, especially the little girl Bailey, she’s almost 2 and is a total sweetheart…sometimes 😂 I Reblog a lot of pictures of Black people, my favorite singer Aaliyah, I’ll occasionally blog some Grey’s Stuff, mostly Addison Montgomery and Mark Sloan. I also Reblog political stuff (I don’t like Cheeto Satan, aka Trump) and other social issues.

I do random text posts about shit that annoys me, shit happening in fandom, which I have a tag for #WhenPeopleInFandomSayFuckShitThings sometimes I tag it as #WhenPeopleInFandomDoFuckShitThings or the General #OUATFanfomFuckery.

I Reblog from a LOT of people from all over fandom so that might be a problem, but these people are all my friends in some capacity. Don’t mess with them, and don’t try and sway me into not talking to them. I like to allow people their own room to fuck up with me and deal with the aftermath.

Uhh…damn this is long 😂😂😂

I think that’s all you guys need to know.

My ask box and inbox are always open, I try and be like Switzerland in most instances. I’m all about being cool and shit, ya dig?

Hope y'all mofo’s enjoy my blog! ✌🏾❤️

[jassmarie19]

Favorite Fics List

Here is my list of the best fics I have ever read regardless of fandom and in no particular order

Twist and Shout by gabriel, standbyme - Supernatural, Destiel - I’M LEADING WITH THIS BECAUSE IT’S GETTING TURNED INTO A BOOK AND THEREFORE WON’T BE AVAILABLE ONLINE ANYMORE SO READ IT WHILE YOU CAN Summary: What begins as a transforming love between Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in the summer of 1965 quickly derails into something far more tumultuous when Dean is drafted in the Vietnam War. Though the two both voice their relationship is one where saying goodbye is never a real truth, their story becomes fraught with the tragedy of circumstance. In an era where homosexuality was especially vulnerable, Twist and Shout is the story of the love transcending time, returning over and over in its many forms, as faithful as the sea. If you were part of the SPN fandom and you didn’t read this fic were you ever even a part of it? (COMPLETED)

A Thousand Beautiful Things by superpotterlock (fvalconbridge) - Supernatural, Destiel - Summary: Accidents happen everyday, like someone accidentally hitting you in the face with a ball and then you mutually getting off with them in the school showers. Now Dean’s not saying he’s gay, but the thing he has going with Castiel isn’t exactly straight either and he isn’t even sure if it matters any more. Basically Cas is a rebellious teenager instead of a goody-goody like in most stories (UNFINISHED but worth it imo)

A Hole in the World by AnnelieseMichel - Supernatural, Destiel, A/B/O - Summary: Dean Winchester never wanted to go home again. Going back to Lawrence meant people who knew what he was, who didn’t buy into the lie. But with a tragic accident, he’s back and dealing with the death of his father, the social stigma and objectification of being an out Omega, and the lingering aftermath of a long-ago crime. (COMPLETED)

Fingers Tap Into What We Once Were by 2ofacrime24 - Supernatural, Destiel - Honestly, I read this fic so long ago that I don’t really remember what happens, but it left such a lasting impression on me that when I saw the title again I had a physical, not just emotional, reaction to it. So it makes the list. Summary: Human!AU. Castiel never expected to see Dean again, the man from one marvelous one-night stand. However when Dean walks back into Castiel’s life on the arm of his twin sister, Anna, a year later, Castiel’s world is turned upside down as he realizes just how much Dean affects him. (COMPLETED)

Out of the Deep by riseofthefallenone - Supernatural, Destiel - THE MERMAID AU TO END ALL MERMAID AUS! Honestly though, I consider this is seminal piece of Mermaid AUs. Summary: Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep. Castiel should have listened better. This was also the first fic I experienced that had its own culture and fandom surrounding it. (COMPLETED)

Shootin’ You Straight by rockstarpeach - Supernatural, Destiel - I started reading the first chapter of this fic to remind me what it was about and then I just read the whole thing because it’s that good. Summary: AU. Dean Winchester is in a band and Castiel is a fan. Not of the music, of Dean. An opportunity presents itself one night after a concert and Castiel can’t pass up the chance of a lifetime. Neither of them is happy to leave things at just one night, though, so they start up a romance troubled by long distances and Dean’s rock star lifestyle. It’s not perfect, far from it, but this is their story. (COMPLETED)

Vita Nuova by worldaccordingtofangirls - Supernatural, Destiel - Summary: AU. Dean Winchester takes a job as a teaching assistant to get his little brother into a prestigious academy. He doesn’t quite expect such long nights and snobby kids, but the real surprise is professor Castiel Novak: or falling in love with him, that is. Excuse me while I go re-read this whole fic because I forgot it existed and really need to back in my life. (COMPLETED)

Blue Lips, Blue Veins by romanoff - Avengers, Stony - This is a LONG FIC (145 chapters) but WORTH IT Summary: Tony Stark is Iron Man.Before that, he was an man with bigger heart than brain. Before that, he was an asshole with a bigger mouth than sense. And before that, he was was a scared little boy. Not that it matters. Stark’s always have had iron in their backbone. Basically, it’s Tony’s life story. (COMPLETED)

Born from the Earth by venusm, Avengers, Stony, A/B/O - This fic takes world building to a whole nother level, like I am telling you! Summary: Tony Stark’s born an omega in a world where that means he’s supposed to follow certain social rules. He becomes Iron Man anyway: Fuck biology.If only his biology (and the world) would quit fucking him back.Note: This is a multi-pairing fic; this world works very differently; not all pairings will be tagged until work is complete. Read with caution. At 81 chapters this is also long and very complicated. There’s also LOTS of trigger warnings and stuff but the author tells you what’s gonna be in each chapter (in a code! which is cool). (UNFINISHED)

Go Ugly Early by just_another_tinker - Avengers, Stony - Summary: He’s The Captain?This was not good. This was so not good.There were theories of course, of what The Captain would look like. Most followed the typical Hollywoodesque belief that he was some version of the Godfather, sitting in a dark room with a cigar, commanding his forces with a flick of his wrist. There were even some that even thought that The Captain was not one person, but a whole network of people with eyes and ears everywhere.The blonde Adonis in front of him was definitely not what Tony was expecting.Of course, in the end it didn’t matter.There was a reason no one knew what The Captain looked like.Because anyone who saw his face never lived to tell the tale. It’s a Mob!AU!! (UNFINISHED)

Liquid Lunch by romanoff - Avengers, Stony - Summary: Tony’s turned into a vampire. It’s very sad for everyone involved.Especially Steve. Not just because Tony keeps trying to eat him alive. There are other reasons too.“Just let me try a little bit,” he pleads “I won’t take all of it, oh, just a little taste—” He presses his palms flat against the glass and tries to scrape his teeth down the window “I can, I can control myself, promise.” And then he turns those eyes on Steve, looks him straight on, and they’re pleading, and innocent, and really, it’s selfish of him not to give Tony his blood, why would he not, he can’t see any justifiable reason, so he just starts rolling up his sleeve and nodding as Tony salivates into the glass. This fic is a WILD FUCKING RIDE OKAY but like, you gotta read it it’s just too good. (COMPLETED)

Playin’ For Keeps by Artemis_Day - Avengers, Jane/Loki - I’m putting this fic here 1) because I think it is a fantastic fic but 2) because I want more AUs like this Summary: The year is 1987. Jane Foster is just another struggling grad student, trying to reach her dreams and resist the urge to kill her crazy metal loving best friend. Until said friend drags her along to her favorite band’s concert, and one very mysterious and sexy guitarist throws her whole life out of order. (COMPLETED)

Power and Paradox by The_Kinky_Pet, Avengers, Stony, A/B/O - This has all the world building of A/B/O fics and puts it right up there with Born From the Eart IMO. Summary: “Billionaire, genius, engineer, philanthropist, submissive.  Yeah, submissive.  Any questions?”OR Yet another BDSM-AU.  (UNFINISHED but might start being updated in April of this year)

Standard Deviation by jennagrins, karengrins - Avengers, Stony - Summary: Okay, so maybe Steve isn’t Professor Stark’s biggest fan at the start of term but first impressions can be mistaken.Now Steve doesn’t care what Clint says, Tony is not his boyfriend. Another fic that gave me a physical reaction when I saw the title even though I vaguely remember what it’s about (COMPLETED)

Nothing Like the Sun by Lomonaaeren - HP, Drarry - Summary: Harry finally realizes that he has trouble keeping lovers both because of his looks and because he isn’t very good at sex. He does what he can to alter that, but it seems he’s never going to be good enough to satisfy a wizard lover. When Draco Malfoy offers, Harry thinks a casual relationship with him might be the solution to his problems. But he should have remembered one thing: when it comes to Harry, Malfoy has a problem staying casual. BRB have to go re-read this fic because it’s so good (COMPLETED)

Pricking the Velvet by Teland - HP, MWPP Era - This fic is…I don’t even know how to describe it honestly. It’s an experience. But completely worth it. If you think you’ve read everything, you need to read this fic. NOT FOR BEGINNER Summary:  It starts with James being a right twat. Okay that’s not helpful here’s some stuff from the AN on the first chapter: This happened because, back in September, on hir way to dreamland, Jack muttered sleepily ‘if James Potter went into velvet, it would be like him having a period on his *head*’. At which point we riffed on the concept for the next two hours while snickering like twelve-year-olds. I began writing the next day, even though I was already working on Plenary. Jack came up with the title immediately, too, bless hir. Pfft. (COMPLETED)

Nox by penceyprat - HP, MWPP Era, Wolfstar, Jily - Summary: The Marauders are starting their fifth year at Hogwarts; Remus is starting with a massive scar across his face - a byproduct of the increasing severity of his furry little problem, which is a definite cause for concern despite his insistence that it it’s fine.Sirius is starting with the memories of a certain morning at 12 Grimmauld Place in August: memories that he might not ever forget, yet is desperate to cloak underneath the facade that every is fine at home and that he and his parents just sometimes encounter minor disagreements.James is starting his fifth year, yes, but more importantly, he is starting phase five of his plan to woo Lily Evans: somehow his friends seem doubtful that he might succeed, but James, being James, is in no lack of confidence.And Peter, well, Peter is starting to wonder just why he puts up with these people, and if he should really be feeling sorry for Lily Evans, and maybe if he should have asked to have been sorted into Hufflepuff. The title of the first chapter is “ohmygod i am so in love with this fic already” and that is how you will feel after reading that first chapter. (COMPLETED)

Alone on the Water by MadLori - Sherlock, Johnlocl, Probably THE Sherlock fic that everyone has to read. This is the first fic that ever made me cry. Summary: Sherlock is diagnosed with a terminal illness. Warning: angst like whoa. (COMPLETED)

Stronger Than This by Laiquilasse - Sherlock, Johnlock, A/B/O - I wound up re-reading this whole fic while I was making this list. Summary: Sherlock is convinced John is stronger than his Alpha instincts, and he stronger than his Omega. So when Sherlock goes into heat, this is the first time John remains at Baker Street with him. There is MPreg in this but like not actually? I don’t like MPreg usually and I was fine with this. It’s also part of a series. (COMPLETED)

A Cure for Boredom by emmagrant01 - Sherlock, Johnlock - WOW is all I can say about this. Summary: They’d never talked about sex in the year they’d known each other. Well, that wasn’t quite correct: Sherlock had never said a word about sex; John had bemoaned his personal dearth of it on many occasions. (COMPLETED)

Sherlock: Give Me A Label (I’ll Make Confetti) by IBegToDreamAndDiffer - Sherlock, Mystrade - Summary: Gregory Lestrade is the local badboy. He drinks, he smokes, he has sex, but that’s what a lot of seventeen-year-old boys do. Not Mycroft Holmes, of course; that posh git wouldn’t know what to do with a bloke. That’s what Greg thinks until he sees a new side of Mycroft, and every label he’s ever used is torn down in seconds. (COMPLETED)

how the mighty fall (in love) by braveten - Yuri!!! On Ice, Viktuuri - Summary: Every Victor Nikiforov fan has three things in common. 1. They have unrealistic expectations for romance. 2. They mark their calendars with the dates of his newest book releases and the premieres of his latest movie adaptations. 3. They either passionately hate or love his greatest rival, a mysterious author whose pseudonym is only two letters: “KY.” It’s an authors!AU! (WIP)

You Can’t Plan For Everything by RivDev - Yuri!!! On Ice, Viktuuri, A/B/O -  Summary: Yuuri forgets that he has a scheduled heat coming up until it’s just a couple weeks away. He scrambles to get everything ready in time, including deciding whether he’ll spend it alone or with someone. Victor only wants to help. SLOWBURN like you don’t understand how slow this burn is. (WIP)

Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by Reiya - Yurri!!! On Ice, Viktuuri - If you’re in the YOI fandom and you haven’t read this I don’t know what to tell you except go read this. Summary: ‘…Of all the rivalries in the world of sports over the years, perhaps none has become so legendary as that of Russian figure skater Viktor Nikiforov and his rival, Japanese Yuuri Katsuki…’A single event changes the course of Yuuri’s life, throwing him into a bitter rivalry with Viktor Nikiforov that spans across his entire skating career. But as the years go on, rivalry and hatred begin to develop into something very different and Yuuri doesn’t seem to be able to stay away, no matter how hard he tries.Hatred and love are two sides of the same coin and even though everything changes, some things are still meant to be. (COMPLETED)

Execute Order 69 by imgoingtohellforthis - Star Wars, Obikin - THIS IS A CRACK FIC but honestly this is just as important to me as My Immortal so its going on this list. Summary: Palpatine ditches the whole idea of “Make Anakin evil” and decides to open up a strip joint instead! Glitter, money, drunk Obi wan, and whole lot of madness. (COMPLETED)

Love of the Second Star by SteeleStingray - Captive Prince, Lamen - I don’t think I can ever say enough good things about this fic. Summary: In the book series, Laurent and Damen thought aloud about what life might have been like if their countries were at peace and Auguste had lived…In THIS story Vere and Akielos are allies and 17 year-old Damianos is spending four months of every other year in the Veretian Court. It is there, he begins to feel attracted to the prince of Vere and discovers darkness hiding under the surface of court. Spanning nearly 8 years, Damen, Auguste, and Laurent are embroiled in bittersweet feelings and intense passion.“I would court you with all the grace and courtesy that you deserve. There’d be no lies between us. We’d have time to be together.”(TW FOR LATER IN THE STORY: Implied CSA; Implied Sexual Assault; Sex) (COMPLETED)

The Veretian Flytrap by Just_Another_Day - Captive Prince, Lamen, A/B/O - HOLY SHIT THIS FIC. Summary: The court treated it like a joke. His uncle told him it was a weakness. Laurent chose to listen to what Auguste had said it could be: an advantage. You know that posts that’s like “I went into this expecting Yaoi and I got Risk” that’s what this fic is like. (WIP)

In The Same Candlelight by Like A Dove - ATLA, Zutara - Summary: In a world where there is no war, Zuko and Katara spend their summers together. Growing up is messy, embarrassing, and at times sad, but they think it might be okay because they have each other. One of THE Zutara fics. (COMPLETED)

The Black Games by Mrs Pettyfer - ATLA, Zutara - This is an EPIC journey that is in three parts and still being updated. This is the first story in this EPIC Summary: Once bound by ice, now bound by fire. 12 provinces. 24 tributes. 1 winner. Let the games begin. (COMPLETE)

The Sparrowkeet Series by audreyii-fic - ATLA, Zutara - Summary: Ba Sing Se has fallen and Katara has been captured by the Fire Nation; a more adult take on the potential progression of S3. AU series of interconnected one-shots. Zutara. Rated for lemons and general darkness. (COMPLETED)

His Majesty Prefers Blue by ShamelessLiar - ATLA, Zutara - Summary: A year after the war’s end, the gaang returns to the Fire Nation for a week of diplomatic meetings. There, they hear rumors about a vigilante who wears a blue mask and Katara finds herself digging deeper into his identity and motives. Blue/Zutara Lemons (COMPLETED)

If any of your favorites are missing let me know!

[jandjsalmon]

11 Questions Game

Holy Hannah! I spent my holiday weekend at the symphony (Final Fantasy: Distant Lands - SO GOOD!), playing on the lake for the first boat trip of the season, and paintballing my little heart out and generally hanging out with my irlbgf - and yet while I was away, I was tagged by some of my favourite, absolutely amazing wonderful lovely fellow Buggies in the fun 

I promise I wasn’t ignoring you! I love you all and I would like to answer all five of you - so that's 55 questions instead of just 11. That means that I DEFINITELY have to put it under a cut because it will eat up your dashboard and maybe some of you aren't all that interested in my answers. lol. 

BUT if you're interested at all in my answers and who I am, I hope you'll click. :)

From the awesome and ever talented and wonderful @believe-that-you-can-my-friend  💙💛

1. What’s your favourite piece of clothing you own?  

I have a pair of black velour pajama pants. It is my most favourite things in the world. They feel like velvet.

2. What fictional place would you most like to go?

The Starship Enterprise. The Future and the Federation seems like a pretty groovy society to live in.

3. What’s the best way to start the day?

With overnight updates to all your favourite Bughead fics that you MUST read and review before getting into the shower.

4. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch?

I'm not into Fifty Shades of Gray. I mean - I have no problem with BDSM - I simply have a problem with bad writing.

5. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years?

My kids are growing up! Within the next ten years all three of my kids will be gone/leaving for college. I'll be an empty nester with my super dreamy hubby.

6. What city would you most like to live in?

I love where I live - Calgary is the best - but other than just saying "here" - I guess I'd choose London.

7. What movie title best describes your life?

It's a Wonderful Life.

8. What irrational fear do you have?

Clowns. I hate them. My husband tells me that it's an irrational fear all the time - but it doesn't FEEL irrational.

9. In your group of friends, what role do you play?

I'm generally the centre of attention. In real life, I want people to be comfortable and as engaged as I am - so I talk a lot and ask lots of questions so that they'll feel more comfortable sharing as well. People like me - oftentimes more than I like them. In fandom life I'm kinda like that too - but I like to play the roll of the cheerleader and support and over excited and passionate fangirl. In general, I like being /nice/ and I get something out of people loving me as much as I adore them. 

10. What are you most insecure about?

Um... the same physical insecurities that most people have. I guess that I'll be so over-the-top that people will think I'm fake or that I'm silly.

11. What are you most likely to become famous for?

I'm technically writing a novel... that will probably never be published. But I guess that's the only ever way I'd be famous.

From the freaking fabulous @gellbellshead 💙💛

1. What is your favourite food?

Potatoes. Whether it's mashed, soup, fries (poutine!), or whatever. I love potatoes of all sorts. YUM.

2. What is your favourite movie genre and your favourite movie from that genre?

Um. I like lots of different kinds of films but I guess I like Sci Fi the most. My favourite Sci Fi is probably Serenity. But I actually have a list of five favourite ALL TIME movies of various genres: Stardust, Schindler's List, Serenity, EuroTrip, and French Kiss.

3. Favourite Disney movie.

Meet the Robinsons or Brave.

4. Do you prefer to read fluff or angst?

I like there to be a HEA - so if there has to be angst - as long as I get a happy ending I'm cool. I like to call that Flangst. I really like plot driven fics - but I also love fluffy one-shots... I'm fairly easy. Just don't split up my OTP please.

5. Any siblings?

I'm the youngest of five - my brother is the oldest, and then three sisters, then me.

6. Your favourite fictional character?

Elizabeth Bennet

7. Your favourite person in real life?

My sweetheart, Jay. He's my person.

8. Your top 5 songs of all time?

Bizarre Love Triangle - Stabbing Westward (a New Order Cover) Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller Monkey Tree - Mother Mother Sleep Alone - Two Door Cinema Club Sleepwalk - Santo and Johnny

9. What it the biggest risk you have ever taken?

Um. I'm not really a risk taker.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?

I "seen" it. Irregardles. Supposably.  (I really hate bad grammar)

11. How would your friends describe you?

Loud and fun. Kinda silly.

From the ever lovely, @wordsonpages1​  💙💛

1. Favourite colour?

Mossy green

2. Favourite book?

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Random Passage by Bernice Morgan. The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman

3. What is your mantra or life motto?

As a family, we have a motto "Salmons don't do Shortcuts" - but personally I have two additional mantras. I have a scripture that is very important to me Mark 5:36 "Be not afraid, only believe." and a song with lyrics that I call my mantra: The song is called Chances by Kirby Heyborne and the line in particular is, "I am hope. I believe. I am alive. I am every thing. I have come to take these chances. I wonder when things will go my way. I was born to live my life and no one tells me who I am."

4. The number one thing that draws you to a person?

I'm shallow. Smile - shoulders - smell.

5. Who is your idol or inspiration?

Queen Elizabeth II Hannah Senesh My grandpa.

6. Places you would like to travel to?

All over Europe.

7. A perfect day would entail?

Sleeping late. Hours reading in the bathtub with no interruptions.

8. Dream job?

Can they pay me to read Bughead fanfiction all day?

9. Ultimate life goal?

To retire and travel with my sweetie and raising well adjusted and cool kids.

10. What do you like/ love most about yourself?

I love that I'm fun and passionate about stuff.

11. Sunrise or Sunset?

Sunset for sure. Mornings suck.

From my girl @jugandbettsdetectiveagency​ - 💙💛

1. Describe your aesthetic?

Jughead Jones shaking the soap? (does that count?)

2. Favourite place you’ve ever visited?

Visited is an interesting word. My favourite PLACE is the riverbottom at the bottom of the Coulee in Lethbridge. It's home. I love it.

3. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

Nanaimo Bars.

4. Biggest regret?

After my BA I should have gone to Grad school. Or I should have become a Dental Hygenist or something - but I got a History Degree because I love History. I don't work in that field at all so even though I spent $50,000 to become an official Historian... I could have become something else, that would have probably made me a lot happier than what I'm doing and remained an amateur Historian.

5. You’ve been put in the middle of a fantasy battle, what is your weapon of choice?

Double edged lightsaber.

6. Favourite outfit?

Not counting my favourite pajama pants... I have this super cute red and gold paisley handkerchief shirt I bought in Mexico. I love it.

7. Have you ever been in love?

Twice. I was lucky enough to find my sweetheart when I was 19 years old. The love I felt for the bloke before Jay was minuscule in comparison to what I feel for my husband - but it was still love.

8. Favourite thing, fan fiction or not, you’ve ever read?

I can’t answer that. I read too many delicious things.

9. Main thing you look for in a person?

Sardonic sense of humour.

10. What is your earliest memory?

I remember my fourth birthday party really clearly. 

11. You’re stranded on a desert island, what one item (that isn’t a boat) would you want with you?

Can I have two? A hammock and a book?

And lastly - from the wonderful @peacelovebughead   💙💛

1. What’s your go-to pump up song?

Well lately it’s been Believer by Imagine Dragons - but normally it’d be something from Two Door Cinema Club or like Take on Me by A-Ha or something. lol.

2. If you could travel absolutely anywhere, where would you go?

Auschwitz.

3. What Hogwarts house do you belong to?

Hufflepuff

4. Thunder or Lightning?

Lightning

5. When do you feel most confident?

When I’m doing something I’m good at and people around me KNOW I’m good at it.

6. What is one of your favourite memories?

I don’t know if I have ‘favourite’ memories. Yesterday at the lake with my husband and my kids (who are teenagers and fight a lot!) - I got to hear them happily laughing and joking and having a wonderful time. That’s today’s favourite memory.

7. Who is a fictional character that you relate to? Why?

Dude. Kevin Keller is a gay, male version of me. And my brother and husband are cops so I relate to that part of him too. lol.

8. If you could wake up famous tomorrow, would you do it?

If I could keep my happy family and my morals - then sure.

9. What is one of your proudest accomplishments?

How about that $50,000 piece of paper I have hanging on my office wall that announces to the world that I’m officially allowed to have an opinion on British History along with the roots and causes of Totalitarianism. Getting that was pretty great.

10. If you were to live in a fictional world, which world would you choose?

Asked earlier - but I’d say the Star Trek universe would be the place to be.

11. If you were to pick a colour palette to describe you, what colours would you choose?

Jewel tones.