#I don’t control the bullshit

[emeraldcreeper]

Today in ohhhh, I was doing that huh….. I have stupid useless nonfunctional guilt and I was projecting my icky emotions upon one man who my therapist called “your grumpy man” (new nickname for my emotional support wet cat of a old man) I just figured out the projecting part it’s no wonder I can write the pining shit better than the hes doin okay shit, IM dealing with the thought I caused the chronic pain/migraine bullshit I’m dealing with, which I HAVENT, it’s stupid to consider I have, because why would I want chronic migraines, I don’t, if it was a me issue I’d just not have them anymore, and it isn’t working that way, I need to be patient with myself and understand my limits currently and that I cannot compare myself with a cringefail cousin who is privileged as fuck and 18 and going to college for the first time

I add: I graduated from fucking college with daily migraines and Swiss cheese brain, also went months after my father died, then later still went after my grandpa died years later, despite the mmm everything happening, I’m allowed a fucking rest period after all that, even if I hadn’t, I still deserve rest because I am currently dealing with a chronic condition I cannot control or properly treat, because if I could do either of those things, it’d be happening, but I can’t, so obviously it’s not happening

Aaand thirdly: I do not control the shitty economy or housing market, nor do I control the state of good remote jobs I can do with the autism and general yknow aforementioned *gestures broadly* that cause… issues in getting a job/apartment god forbid I live in one again it sucked, I hate landlords/whatever fucking else, I just don’t, if I did it’d be less godawful, so get this: ERGO, DIPSHIT, NOT MY GODDAMN FAULT

[cryptiduni]

“white mourning.”

[shima-draws]

Been having a rough couple of days. Send me asks?

[bondagebimbo]

LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.

and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠

I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.

I’m just. I give up.

this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭

[birdy-bird27]

I’m so normal and not overthinking things rn :) I’m the normalest human ever

[stealingyourbones]

Ok so here’s my list of videogames I’m going through rn:

Half-Life series

Batman Arkham

And now Zelda

All of which I know jack shit about the stories or spoilers. I’ve started Batman Arkham Asylum and I’m in the middle of Half Life 2 Episode 1. So far I’m having a blast

[aliosne]

I keep seeing people spout Weird Shit about fat people on this site and im just so fucking tired didnt we litigate this shit back in like 2013

[mushroomofficial]

bought myself a post-surgery present. im gonna be so insufferable when my adhd lets me actually read these

[skhardwarevers1]

how much aura did I lose when my Spanish teacher got so mad about students being on their phones he slammed the whiteboard and it scared me so bad I started crying and had to be excused from class

[percki]

trying to find a new game to play (fixate on) is

so hard bc i’m insanely picky!

[myhyperfixationisback]

Sony please release your cruel and un-creative grip on my autism creature game series. I beg of you. Let them at least start naming the series innuendos again… PLEASE. I’m sorry the Future series ever even got released at this point PLEASE go back to the old ways I beg you‼️

[endawn]

something something mol..ag and the imperial pantheon ( divines ) being deities that existed before mortal creation. their foothold and focus being in tam..riel ( which is somewhere in the great sea below faerûn and to the left of zakh..ara ) something something

[louiswilliamtomlinsons]

.

[figofswords]

The Batman fandom has ruined the words replacement, coffee, cereal, green, pit and so many others lol. Every time I hear those words I just have a fight or flight response 😭

DONT even get me started. you should hear the sigh I make every time I see REPLACEMENT. like yes hate how are so many people so wrong

[ropebunnykant]

i think kids should have way more of a say in custody battles btw

[ziracona]

I need to talk about Wednesday SO badly but only one person I know has even seen it I’m going crazy

Like fucking Oscar Sweep of the CENTURY for Tyler I’m literally never getting over it but also Hunter did a fucking phenomenal job playing an alter trying to play his original host like fuck the layers???? Rewatching I’m picking out the times he doesn’t have his guard up because there’s no one to see, or slips (very rare) and is just Alter Tyler. Also there’s at least one specific time on rewatch you see him go ‘Ah FUCK I can’t do this one’ and dredge up OG to do something for him, and the slow blink when switching back ??? Like it’s subtle enough you don’t realize anything is going on the first time but rewatching you’re like

Like I am BEYOND thrilled that the show doesn’t tell you if parts were done by each, or if it’s only Hyde Tyler, or if there never was a Tyler-Tyler at all, but I guessed based on his performance and then Hunter did an interview and I was 100% right??? Like I could tell from the performance ??? I went “I’m pretty sure at least almost the whole time it’s an Alter playing his OG downed or subsumed self” and it is???? Do you have any idea the layers you have to lay down well for me to have been able to pick that up out of all the possibilities??? It’s also funny as hell on a rewatch bc 24/7 this Rage Activated Alter is trapped in the most fucking rage inducing job on the planet (only person on staff at customer service job), and trying to react normally as his original self to everything fucking crazy going on 24/7 but that’s impossible because what’s happening is too insane for anyone to react normally? Like this man is fighting for his life pulling off the Oscar performance of the fucking century trying not to be found out WHILE being at least half mind controlled by an outside party the whole time??? He is WORKING for that win. He’s carrying that team con on his fucking back like ATLUS. Like yeah he is also doing some of the most fucked up shit but he’s also the only shit person with an understandable motive he’s just using too much scattershot and also I HAVE to respect the con.