#I don’t actually know where it’s going to go or how it’ll end BUT it has Techno in it!!

[sanchoyo]

u guys remember how I said I wanted to try and get a car this year as one of my resolutions… after months of researching I think I found the one I want. Finally. I am so sick of reading abt and looking at cars 😭

[waifuoftomonori]

Personal Makeshift Thesaurus

The fact that it took me so long to remember which notebook I wrote this in and then find the notebook was enough of an indication that I should consider typing this up somewhere else. Warnings: it’s far from thorough; sometimes the words are only synonyms in certain contexts; sometimes they’re not exact synonyms; and not all lists may be in alphabetical order. I may update this as I learn or think of new words/phrases. Also note: these are suggestions, not limits.

“Scolding”

admonishing, admonitory, chastising, chiding, disapproving, exasperated (sometimes), reprimanding, reproving Gestures: clicking tongue, poking (other's forehead, etc.), shaking head, sighing, tsk'ing, tutting

Scent

aroma, breath, breeze, fragrance, ghost, gust, hint, inhale, odor (neg. connotations), redolence, smell, waft (v. of smell), whiff, wisp Scent Descriptors and Comparisons: animal, ashy, bakery / baking, boozy (breath after drinking, or like "intoxicating"), clean, coffee, cologne, earthy, elemental (i.e. natural, esp. when related to an element), exotic (for scents unfamiliar yet intriguing to the character), floral, fresh, herbal, incense, minty, musky, natural, perfume, petrichor, salty, sea, smoky, spicy, sulfur(-ous), summery, sweat, sweet, tea, unwashed hair / skin, wildflowers

"Polite"

careful (wording, etc.), courteous, decorous, diplomatic, etiquette (n.), gracious, harmless, humble, inoffensive, modest, proper, respectful, tactful, well-mannered

"Stifled" (e.g. a smile, a moan)

bit back, choked on, composed (expression, etc.), concealed, contained, controlled (impulse, etc.), disguised, ducked (to hide expression), fought, held back / in, hid, reined in, resisted, restrained, smothered, struggled not to, suppressed, swallowed, tickled (i.e. throat), twitched (i.e. involuntarily)

“Smooth” (e.g. skin, lips)

creamy, delicate, fine, flawless, frictionless, glossy, immaculate, lush, pliable, plush, porcelain (cliché but there it is), silky(/-en), sleek, smooth, soft, supple, unblemished, unbroken, unmarred, velvet(-y)

"Rough" (i.e. texture)

abrasive, bumpy, coarse, [x-]callused (e.g. sword-callused), friction (n.), grainy, granular, gritty, rugged, sandpaper, sandy, scarred, scratchy, stubbled/-y, studded (opt.: "with ___"), tough, [x]-toughened

“Enjoy”

adore, appreciate, bask in, celebrate, cherish, delight in, embrace, indulge in, luxuriate in, melt, prefer (usu. understatement), relish, revel in, savor, succumb to, take pleasure in, thrill in, welcome

“Cause” (v.)

coax, conjure, draw (a smile, a moan, etc.), drive, earn, elicit, evoke, force, fuel (esp. for “heat” effects like blushing), impetus (n.), incite, induce, inspire, lead to, nudge, produce, prompt, provoke, pull, spark, spur, stimulate, trigger, wrest, wring (out), yank (esp. if reluctant)

“Take Care of” / Nurturing Verbs

attend to, baby, care for, coddle, cosset, dedicate oneself to, devote oneself to, diligent (adj.), fuss over, indulge, lavish (w/ attention, etc.), minister to, nurse, nurture, pamper, please, satisfy, see to, service, shower (w/ attention, etc.), spoil, tend to, turn one’s attention to, work one’s magic on, worship

“Desirous” (don’t overuse; show, don’t tell)

admiring, amorous, appreciative, approving, ardent, aroused, avaricious, avid, breathless, delirious, desperate, dreamy, drooling (over/after), eager, ecstatic, enraptured, enthusiastic, excited, fervent, fevered, feverish, flustered, gluttonous, greedy, heated, horny, hot, hungry, infatuated, intoxicated, lascivious, lewd, longing, lustful, lusting (after), needy, panting (over/after), passionate, rapt(-urous), ravenous, receptive, salacious, sensual (moan, etc.), thirsty, tingly, voracious, yearning

“Competent” (and similar)

accurate, adept, adroit, artful, brisk, capable, concise, confident, crisp, deft, dexterous, dominant, effective, efficient, effortless, elegant, eloquent, flawless, gifted, graceful, handy (casual), masterful, natural, nimble, perfect, polished, powerful, practiced, precise, professional, proficient, skilled, skillful, smooth, talented

“Mischievous” / “Sly” / Bad but in a Sexy Way

calculating, clever, conniving, conspiratorial, coy, crooked (i.e. grin), cunning, dark, demonic, devilish, devious, diabolical, dirty, evil, fiendish, impish, keen, knavish, knowing, mocking, nasty, naughty, nefarious, playful, rakish, roguish, ruthless, sadistic (bonus of already being connected with kink), scheming, sharp, sinful, sinister, smirking, sneaky, taunting, teasing, wicked, wily, wry

“Scary” but in a Sexy Way (then again, I think just plain “scary” is pretty sexy, there may not be an obvious distinction between the concepts in my mind)

chilling, dangerous, dark, foreboding, frightening, imposing, impressive, intimidating, loom (v.), menacing, ominous, threatening, terrifying

“Shiver” (v.) (or similar involuntary motions of pleasure)

convulse, flutter, quake, quiver, reel, rock, shake, shudder, spasm, squirm, sway, teeter, tremble, twist, vibrate, wiggle, wobble, wriggle, writhe

Movement of Sensations (e.g., "a shiver ___ down his spine", "blood ___ her cheeks"-- adjust syntax as needed)

ambushed, bathed, bloomed, blossomed, bounced, cascaded, crackled, crawled, danced, echoed, flooded, flourished, flowed, illuminated (esp. for blush), jolted, lanced, painted (blush), poured, quivered, rocketed, rolled, rushed, seized, shivered (if not actually "a shiver"), shot, snapped, spilled, surged, tickled, tingled, tiptoed, traveled, trickled, vibrated

“Move (Over / Across)” (i.e., as of fingers or breath)

ascend, brush, canvass, chase (sth moving), climb, cross, dance, dart, descend, drift, fan (out/across), float, flutter, follow (lines of body, etc.), ghost, glide, pursue, roam, rove, run, skate, skid, skim, skirt, slide, slip, slither, trace, trail, travel, traverse, wander

also see: “Touch” (v.) (that one doesn’t necessarily imply movement)

“Slow”

dawdling, deliberate, dithering, gradual, languid, leisurely, meandering, measured, methodical, plodding, relaxed, shambling, sluggish, steady, thorough, torpid

“Fast”

accelerate (v.), darting, desperate, fleeting, frantic, galloping, hasty, hurried, instant(-aneous), prompt, quick, racing, rapid, rushed, slapdash (result of haste), sped-up, speedy/-ing, swift, sudden, urgent

“Incompetent” / “Weak” (perma. or temp.)

breakable, bumbling, clumsy, defenseless, feeble, floundering, fragile, frail, fruitless, fumbling, futile, gooey (i.e. mind or muscles), helpless, hopeless, impotent, incapable, ineffective, inept, malleable, melty (mind or muscles), mushy (mind or muscles), pathetic, powerless, prone (phys. position or “prone to ___”), puny, putty in hands (cliché but hot), submissive (if intentional), succumbing, susceptible (to ___), useless, vain (i.e. an attempt), vulnerable, worthless

“Stupid” (many also have fairly obvious noun forms)

absurd (i.e. a plan), asinine, buffoon (n.), daft, dense, dim(-witted), doltish, dopey, dull, dumb, foolish, gullible, half-witted, hare-brained, idiotic, ignorant, illogical, imbecile, inane, moronic, naïve, nitwit (n), numbskull, oblivious, obtuse, ridiculous, silly, simple(-ton), slow, thick (as in skull), unreasonable, unthinking (i.e. comment or instinctive reply) This is by no means a complete list. English contains a panoply of ways to insult someone’s intelligence. Why am I keeping track of these, personally? Akifusa’s degradation kink.

“Touch” (v.) (see “move over”)

brush, caress, collide, connect (with), crash (against), embrace, encircle, enclose, explore, fiddle with, flick, fold into (hands, etc.), gloss, graze, kiss (can be literal or not), make contact with, mash (against), massage, meet, nudge, play with, pluck, ply (esp. steady and rhythmic, or involving skill/dexterity), poke, press, probe, prod, pry (forceful), push, rub, scrub, smash (against), stroke, strum, tease, tickle, toy with, tweak, wrap

“Attractive”

adorable, alluring, arresting, beautiful, captivating, compelling (eyes, etc.), cute, dazzling, easy on the eyes, elegant, enchanting, enthralling, enticing, exquisite, fine, flawless, gorgeous, handsome, hypnotic/-tizing, immaculate, impeccable, inviting, irresistible, kissable, lickable (humorous), lovely, lurid (color), luscious, lush, luxuriant (esp. hair), magnetic, mesmerizing, mouth-watering, perfect, photogenic, picturesque, pleasing (to look at, etc.), poetic, pretty, ravishing, scintillating, scrumptious, seductive, sensual, sexy, squeezable, statuesque, stunning, succulent, swoonworthy, tantalizing, tasty, tempting, vibrant, vivid (esp. color), voluptuous, yummy

also see: “Smooth”; “Enjoyable” / Lust/Pleasure-Inducing (focused more on sensations than appearance, but many words can also apply to looks)

“Enjoyable” / Lust/Pleasure-Inducing

addictive, blissful, breathtaking, delectable, delicious, delightful, diverting, divine, dizzying, electric/-fying, enchanting, enthralling, exciting, fun, glorious, heavenly, infectious, intoxicating, luxurious, magic/-al, mind-melting, miraculous, pleasant/-ing/-urable, rapturous, satisfying/-factory, scandalous/-izing, scintillating, sinful, sizzling, staggering, sublime, sweet, tasty, thrilling, titillating

also see: “Mischievous”/“Sly”/Bad in a Sexy Way; “Desirous”; “Hot”; Strong (in any sense); Sexy Dom Verbs; “Shiver” (both v. and n.)

“Hate”

abhor, abominate, be disgusted by, be repulsed by, deplore, despise, detest, loathe, revile

“Gentle” (physical or otherwise) / “Kind”

angelic, apologetic, beatific, benevolent, benign, charitable, cherubic (baby/child connotations), comforting, consoling, empathetic, forgiving, generous, gracious, innocent, light (i.e. touch), loving, mild, nurturing, parental (note connotations), patient, pure, rueful, soft, soothing, sweet, sympathetic, tender

also see: “Take Care of” (most of those are on the more physical side)

“Shiver” (n.)

aftershock(s), convulsion(s), echo, frisson, quake (n.), quiver (n.), ripple, shiver, shockwave, shudder, thrill, tremor, vibration

“Body” (prob. one of the loosest categories but can’t think of a better name)

being, blood, bones, essence, figure, flesh, frame, muscle(s), nerves, physique, silhouette, sinew, skeleton, skin, soul, stature, system, veins

“Hot” (as in physical-ouch-fire-hot, not “sexy”, but most of these can apply to sexy contexts)

blazing, boiling, burning, fiery, flaming, heated, hellish, ignite (v.), incendiary, infernal, roasting, scorching, searing, simmering, sizzling, smoking, smoldering, steaming, sultry (exception on this list that’s actually used more for “sexy”), tepid, toasty, volcanic, warm

Sexy Dom Verbs (i.e., related to taking or holding control)

arrest, assert, assault, bewitch, captivate, capture, claim, command, compel, conquer, control, defeat, dictate, discipline, dominate (duh), draw the line (i.e. “this is where I ___”), drive, educate, enchant, enforce, enslave, ensnare, enthrall, erode (defenses, etc.), guide, hold prisoner / hostage / captive, hypnotize, imprison, instruct, make [x] one's bitch, manipulate, mesmerize, overpower, overwhelm, paralyze, pin, program, punish, puppet (v.), reeducate, restrain, seize (control, etc.), steer, stimulate, subjugate, take over, tame, toy with, train, trap, vanquish, violate, wrangle

also see: “Scolding” (for Tomonori); “Take Care of” / Nurturing Verbs (for gentle Doms, including Tomonori); “Competent” and similar (also applicable to— okay I’ll stop); “Tease”; “Pull” (phys. or otherwise); Strong (in any sense)

Dom Nouns / Metaphors / Titles

Boss, Captain, Chef, Chief, Commander, Doctor, Dominatrix (fem), -Dono (historical; still occasionally used today but not w/ same connotations), God, -Kami, Lord, Master, Milord, Mistress, Owner, Professor, -Sama (more modern), Sex God, Supreme Leader, Your Grace, Your Highness, Your Majesty

(Why are all of these capitalized? Well, I read a BDSM nonfiction book where the writer was rather adamant that all words referring to Doms should be capitalized, and all words referring to subs should be lowercase. Personally, I think it looks funny unless it's used to directly address the Dom, just like any other title, and I'm never going to stop capitalizing "Princess" even though it's a brat / sub term— at least in my fanfics, unless it’s Aki talking— but I digress.)

Sexy Sub Verbs (i.e., related to giving or losing control)

admit (entry, etc.), bend (to whims, etc.), bow (to), break, cave (to) (i.e. demands), comply, concede, consent, crack, crumble, embrace (pleasure, etc.), fold, give in, humor (bratty vibes), kneel (to), melt, obey, oblige, offer (body part, etc.), sacrifice, serve, shatter, submit to (duh), succumb, surrender, welcome, worship, yield (to)

also see: “Incompetent” / “Weak” (that comes off like I’m dissing subs, I swear I’m not unless they have a humiliation kink and they asked me to); “Shiver” (verb and noun)

Sub Nouns / Metaphors / Pet Names

acolyte, appetizer, apprentice, assistant, babydoll, baby face, bitch, boy toy, brat, bunny, buttercup, captive, -chan, chattel, chew toy, cock puppet, cock sleeve, cock warmer, concubine, conquest, crybaby, cum dispenser, cum-for-brains, cum slut, cute little [x] (substitute pretty much any noun for [x]), cutie (esp. for "macho" men), darling, decoration, device, devotee, doll, hostage, insect (degrading), kitten, -kun, lamb, little [x], machine, marionette, mess, morsel, mount, object, ox, pawn, pet, plaything, prisoner, prey, property, puppet, puppy, servant, slave, slut, spoils, tool, toy, trophy, wild boar, wreck Note: I have seen “cocksleeve” and “cumslut” written as one word before, and I can’t tell whether I prefer it this way.

Sub Adjectives

adorable, caged, compliant, corrupted, cute, darling, delicate, desperate, docile (I need to remember this one), humble, meek, modest, obedient, pliant, precious, pretty, sensitive, subservient, tame, weak, well-behaved, well-trained, whimpering

“See” / “Look at” (or verbs for eyes that indicate looking)

absorb, admire, analyze, appraise, assess, canvass, caress (w/ eyes), consider, consume, devour, drink in, evaluate, examine, explore, feast [eyes] on, fix [eyes] on, flit [toward] (of eyes), focus on, gape at, gawk, gaze, glance, goggle, inspect, latch [eyes] on, leer at, lock [eyes] on, observe, ogle, peek, peer, regard, roam, rove, scan, scour (w/ eyes), search, spot, spy, stare, study, trace (w/ eyes), track, view, wander, watch, witness

Small Amount (or subtle thing)

atom, bit, cell (of body, etc.), chip, crack, crumb, drop(-let), flash, flake, flicker, fraction, fragment, ghost, gleam, glimmer, grain, hint, inkling, intimation, iota, kernel, molecule, morsel, pinprick, seed, shadow, sliver, smidgen, soupçon, spark, speck, sprinkle, tidbit, trace, trickle, whiff, wisp

also see: “Gleam”

“Tease”

cajole, egg on, flirt with (not just dialogue), goad, make fun of, mock, needle, play with, provoke, scintillate, spur (on), tantalize, taunt, tempt, torment, toy with

“Pull” (phys. or otherwise)

appeal to (the one being pulled), arrest, attract, beckon, captivate, command, compel, demand (attention, etc.), draw in, enrapture, ensnare, enthrall, entice, hypnotize, lure, mesmerize, seduce, seize, suck in (eyes, etc.), summon, trap, tug, yank

also see: Sexy Dom Verbs

“Gleam”

dance (as in eyes), flash, flicker, glimmer, glint, glisten, glitter, glow, shimmer, shine, spark(-le), twinkle

Strong (in any sense)

acute, (al-)mighty, breathtaking, dizzying, dominant/-nating, forceful, heady (as in scent), hearty, hefty, insurmountable, intense, intoxicating, irrefutable, irresistible, mind-boggling, overpowering, overwhelming, poignant, potent, powerful, robust, staggering, stupefying, uncontrollable, undeniable, unmistakable, violent, wild (if chaotic)

Small in a Way that Conveys Power, Beauty, or Utility Rather than Cutesiness (hmm, I wonder what or who could have inspired this list)

compact, compressed, concise, condensed, economic, efficient, neat, poetic, proportionate (i.e. muscles), snug (a little cutesy but not too bad), streamlined, tight (i.e. muscles), tightly-packed, trim, wiry

Wrap Around

capture, catch, clasp, close around, clutch, coil around, contain, curl around, embrace, encase, encircle, enclose, envelop, hug, seal, shelter, snake around, surround

"Kissed" (or describing movement of breath, mouth(s), tongue(s), etc. in a kiss)

bit, brushed, captured, claimed, collided, connected, crashed, dove, dug into (teeth), flicked (tongue), frenzy (n.), grazed, intertwined, joined, made out, met, mingled, nibbled, nicked (teeth), nudged, opened (lips), parted (lips), pecked, pressed, rubbed, sealed, seared, silenced (when the person kissed was talking), smashed, smooched (humor / casual), snogged (British / casual), swirled, swished, teased (esp. for tongue actions), tickled, toyed with, twined, whispered (over, etc.)

See Also: the movement categories

Verbs for Intense Stare (e.g., "those eyes ___ him / into his brain")

branded, burned, cut, drilled, hammered, harpooned, hooked, imprinted, lanced, lasered, nailed, paralyzed, penetrated, pierced, pinned, seared, shot (through), speared, stabbed, tattooed

Fucking Verbs (not verbs I’m mad at, verbs for fucking and a few activities leading up to it) (also see: "verbs for intense stare")

crammed, crashed, crushed, eased (into, open, etc.), entered, filled, fingered, flooded (fluids, etc.), forced, glided, ground against (hips, etc.), hammered, humped, jammed, jostled, mounted, nudged, penetrated, pierced, plowed, plunged, pounded, pricked, pumped, pushed, railed, rammed, rhythmic (adj.), rocked, shoved, slammed, slid, slipped, smacked (auditory component), smashed, speared, stuffed, thrust, worked, wrecked

Note: Most of these ended up being more forceful even though I prefer a gentler approach, because I felt that the other categories had the buildup (and other more teasing activities) sufficiently covered.

Sexual Euphemisms (for characters too modest, coy, or polite in mixed company to address the act directly)

became one, bedded, consummated their marriage, joined as one, laid together, made love, slept together, spent the night, united

Orgasm Words

afterglow (afterward), apex, bliss, climax, come (POV of more formal characters), convulsions, cum (for cruder characters), ecstasy, heights, peak, pinnacle, throes, ultimate, zenith

Note: this is not a universal solution to the “come/cum” debate by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I’m fairly sure conventional writing wisdom would suggest consistency in use above all— i.e. if you use “come” once, you should keep it as “come” throughout the story and shouldn’t change to “cum” halfway through— but character voice matters more to me than clarity. …Although I don’t think I’ve ever used “come” as a synonym for “orgasm”, either as a noun or a verb.

Note 2: A lot of "height" words work well-- reaching the ultimate point of something-- although they are by no means the only conceivable analogy.

Noises, Vocalizations, Onomatopoeias, Etc. (don't overuse, although whimpering subs are pretty hot)

breathe (e.g. as dialogue tag), coo, croon, cry (I like it better as a noun), exhale, gasp, groan, growl, grunt, hiss (of breath, etc.), huff, hum (of amusement, etc.), inhale, moan, murmur, pant (v.), pop, purr, sigh, smack, squeak, squeal, whimper, whine, whisper, yelp Note: Many of the above can be used as verbs or nouns. Not all of them can be used logically as dialogue tags (how would you inhale speech?).

Bratty Words (quotes are from the brat’s PoV)

attitude, badinage, banter, challenge (-ing), cheek, defiance, “eating out of my hand”, gall, give [Dom] a hard time, feisty (adj.), fiery (adj.), lip (specifically talking back), mischief, naughty, nerve, rebel (n., v., or adj., although "rebellious" might work better for adj.), punk, sass, spunk (use with caution unless pun is intended), testing, trouble, “wrapped around my little finger”

"Wet"

aroused, damp (shame connotations, or am I going crazy?), downpour (n.), drenched, dribbling (small amounts), dripping, drizzling (light but heavier than a dribble), drooling, eager, flowing, fluid, fountaining, liquid, moist (not as wet— works better for sth like sweat), pooling, pouring, puddling (after it’s spilled out), seeping, slathered, slick, slippery, slobbering, soaked(-ing), sopping, torrential, trickling (small amounts), weeping

"Erect" (referring to penis)

alert, aroused, attentive, eager, firm, hard, pulsing, ready, rigid, rock-hard, standing at attention (bonus for military chars), stiff, throbbing

Dark Red (i.e., Tomonori-Red) (some formatted as “___-red”, or “red as ___”)

autumnal, autumn-red, blood-red, bloodstone, crimson, garnet (not in all contexts but works here), maple-red, momiji (maple), maroon, red velvet, sinfully

“Stubborn” / Unwilling or Unlikely to Give in

adamant, firm, insistent, obstinate, persistent, relentless, stalwart, staunch, unbending, uncontrollable, uncompromising, unrelenting, unyielding, wild

Miscellaneous Sexy Words / Phrases I Just Like

ambrosia, [x]-coated, languish, momentum, recline, recumbent, supine, in tandem (instead of “in unison”), tempo, verve

[ilostmygenderalongwithmydignity]

Saw a post yesterday talking about how BFTC is super ooc, since wdym the Batkids would ever willingly become Batman?? And first of all, true. Batman is a punishment for them. SECOND of all, it made me think of a scenario where they’re all arguing about it, and it’s gotten to the point where everyone else has decided that Jason is the most Batman-shaped among them, so he just

“If you force me into the Batsuit I will shoot the Joker in the face in front of as many witnesses and cameras possible.” And surely, surely that will excuse him from Batman-duty, but then-

Dick slowly turns to look at him, a thoughtful expression on his face. “You should use Alfred’s shotgun.”

So then all of the mostly-unsupervised Batlings are planning what’s basically a public execution, and even Cass isn’t arguing bc she knows what it feels like to die and she CHOSE that fight to the death, but Jason never got a choice, and suddenly they’re compiling old rogue plans because if they combine a few it’ll probably be actually successful-

In the aftermath, after Jason has dramatically left the scene, they have Dick stroll over, nudging the Joker with one foot as if to check if the man who just got blasted in the face with a double-barrel shotgun could be anything but dead. Nightwing makes a statement that boils down to “oh you know how alternate universes and time travel can be,” and the Batfam basically blames it all on Gun Batman even though it was literally just Jason.

After that, they have Alfred draw names out of a hat. None of them are going to argue with him, since as shaken as he still is, he’s in charge while Dad is gone. They also have him decide who gets to be Robin, which boils down to “who was the best behaved this week” (criminals don’t know how to react when it’s Jason or Dick, used to a tiny kid. The duo of Cass as Batman and Jason as Robin only happened once, but no one in Gotham’s underworld will ever forget it).

When Bruce comes back, none of them tell him about the fact that the Joker is dead. In all honesty, they’re so used to him being dead that they… well they sort of forgot. He ends up chatting with Jim, the man fondly complaining about how he’s pretty sure the forced interaction as they had to all pretend to be the same person and keep their stories straight meant the communication skills within the family skyrocketed while he was gone. Bruce isn’t sure how to feel about it, but that gets forgotten when Gordon makes a reference to the Gun Batman Incident with a roll of his eyes.

Bruce isn’t even sure if his kids simply let an alternate Batman go feral on the Joker, or if it was one of them.

None of them will tell him.

In the footage, Batman looks up from the Joker’s corpse, and simply says “I am vengeance.”

[moonstruckme]

hi mae!! may i get a poly marauders x reader where reader just completely becomes quiet and stuff around negatively raised voices? like if two of the others (not necessarily reader) are arguing and suddenly theyre arguing in raised voices and reader has grown up in that kinda household so she js makes herself absolutely scarce in fear of one of them snapping at her or smth? sorry if this is very specific or if its not something ur comfortable with lol have a great day :)

Thank you for requesting <3

cw: implied trauma around shouting/aggression

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.1k words

“You didn’t think to look for a sign?” 

“I didn’t see any sign.” 

“There was a sign less than ten feet away.” 

“Okay, I saw that one.” Sirius reaches up into your cupboard, shuffling things around until he gets to the sleeve of biscuits in the back. His attention is noticeably not on Remus. “I thought it was only for the spot it was posted in front of. They ought to make those things more clear.” 

“The rest of us always manage to interpret them fine.” There’s no bite you can find in Remus’ tone. He’s not standing stiffly, or crossing his arms. But deep in your chest, there’s a small coil of tension brought about by something in your boyfriend’s demeanor you can’t identify. It has you lingering at the edge of the room. You think Remus is more upset than he’s letting on. 

Sirius seems to sense this, too. “Oi, it’s nothing to get your knickers in a twist about. It’s being handled, isn’t it?” 

“It is being handled,” Remus says. He rubs his thumb into his temple. “I’m beginning to wonder how many times it’ll have to be handled before you learn how public parking works.” 

“I did think after three tickets we’d be done with it,” James jokes, oblivious to the rising tension. “Surely at some point the towing company must start giving us a discount.” 

Sirius pops a biscuit in his mouth. He folds his arms, speaking around it. “I’m taking care of it, alright? I’ll pay the ticket. I’ve already paid the towing company and gone to the lot to get the car back—which ate up a good chunk of my day, by the way, so I don’t really fancy coming home to be lectured about it.” 

“Sirius.” Remus sighs harshly, eyes closed as if this is all giving him a headache. “Do you really want me to feel bad for you about a mess you got yourself into?” 

“I just don’t see what’s left for you to be pissy about!” 

“Right, well, you’re not the one who’s going to have to go to court for it, are you? This is our fourth parking violation, and the car’s in my name. I’m going to have to use a sick day for it.” 

“Just let me go instead, then.” 

“That’s not how it works, Sirius.” 

You find yourself retreating from the room on silent feet, disappearing down the hall. 

“Would you stop saying my name like that? I can’t bloody well help what’s already happened. I’ve said I’m sorry, what else do you want me to do?”

“I’m not sure you have said that, actually.” 

“I’ve said I’ll go to court for you!” 

“Hold on,” James cuts in, “let’s just—” 

“Doesn’t sound quite like the same fucking thing, does it?” 

You shut the bedroom door with a soft click. It deadens the voices, though the sharp tones seem to pierce the wood. You push out a breath, forcing it around the tension in your chest. 

Everything is fine. Nothing truly bad is going to happen, not with these boys. You feel caught between pressing your ear to the door to hear every word and putting in your earbuds to drown it all out. 

It doesn’t take terribly long for the tones to soften into something safer. Not kind, exactly, but less jagged. James’ voice chimes in more often. You hear more sighs than scoffs. The feeling in your chest stays, primed. 

When Sirius comes to find you, you’re scrolling aimlessly on your laptop. 

“Hi,” he says, giving you a little smile as he slips in the door. 

You smile back. “Hi.” 

“It’s all clear out there, just so you know.” Sirius sits at the end of the bed, a gentleness in his features that makes you feel sheepish. “Safe to come back out if you want to.” 

“Are you okay?” you ask quietly. 

“We’re okay, baby.” 

“And you and Remus…” 

“He’s still a bit miffed with me,” he admits, “but we’re alright. I’m going to see if they’ll let me go to court for him since I was the one using the car.” 

You nod. The inside of your cheek finds its way between your molars. “I’m sorry you got a ticket,” you say. 

Sirius smiles, gray eyes soft with fondness. “Thanks, sweetness. It’s okay. It happens, you know?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Some could argue it might happen less if I was perhaps a bit more cautious.” 

Your lips quirk. “They could.” 

“But it’s all fine. Everything’s really alright, we’ve made up. Do you want to come have dinner?” 

“Oh.” You get up. “Yeah, sorry.” 

Sirius tsks. “What’re you sorry for?” 

“I didn’t mean to hide.” 

He hums, pulling you close to press his lips to the side of your head. “I don’t blame you,” he murmurs. 

James is stirring a pan of vegetables in the kitchen, his arm wound snug around Remus’ neck. They appear to be speaking quietly between kisses. When Sirius pulls out a chair for you at the table, James turns with a smile. 

“Hey, lovie.” His voice shines with affection. 

It’s not a scene you’ve always been used to after an argument. Smiles and a shared meal, all of you in the same room together without a sharp look exchanged. 

“Hi,” you say back, trying to smile in the same way. Your feet come up onto your seat, legs folding into a pretzel. 

Remus leans around James to see you better. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to drive you off.” 

“You didn’t drive me off,” you reply. You both know it’s a lie. Remus’ mouth slants sympathetically. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah,” you say, honestly. Sirius rubs your thigh like he’s going to make sure of it. “You?” 

Remus smiles softly. “I’m alright. Thanks, sweetheart.” 

“I think we should institute a new system.” The vegetables hiss as James pushes them around in the pan. “Whenever two of us are having a row, the other two get to vote on who’s right, and that’s the end of it.” 

“But,” you hesitate, “there’s four of us? What if it’s a split vote?” 

“Then that’ll be the least of our problems.” You can practically hear the eye roll Remus is holding back. “Taking sides would never work.” 

“Agreed,” says Sirius. “I vote that James doesn’t get to institute new systems.” 

“What?” James sulks. “You always take Remus’ side.” 

“Clearly not.” 

“Well, you always do when it’s against me!” 

“I’m going to leave again,” you joke, gratified when James instantly apologizes and Sirius puts his hands over your ears. 

“You heard her.” Remus smiles, dropping a light kiss to James’ hair. “No more bickering, you two. Honestly, I’ve no idea what possesses you. Can you believe them, dove?” 

“Nope,” you say, smiling. 

Sirius fixes you with a look. “I’m going to start bickering with you next if you’re not careful.” 

[rafespuppyy]

celibate

pairing: drew starkey x fiancé!fem!reader

summary: you’re as innocent as it gets, promising celibacy. but when your boyfriend drew comes into your life, you can’t help but yearn for him.

warnings: smut w plot, mdni!!

authors note: this is my 100 follower special, plus it is such a hot idea, i love it

—————————————————————————

drew first was admired by you when you stepped in one of his acting classes, taking him by surprise. it wasn’t your face (though it was beautiful) or your body (which made him instantly hard), it was the fact that you walked into the acting classes, dressed in all pink, and you walked into there with such kindness and respect that drew immediately needed you.

it took drew months to get you to go on one date with him, it was actually fucking with his pride, but he didn’t give up. eventually, you ended up going on a romantic date with him where he brought flowers and your favorite (though you never told him, he just assumed) chocolates. how could you say no to that?

but oh, when drew kissed you for the first time, he knew he wanted forever with you. he knew he wanted to get married, to have children, to grow old together. he wanted every single flaw, insecurity, fear and pain, and he would take that and throw it all into his heart.

he had just wanted all of you.

so he asked you any question under the sun like: “what’s your favorite color?” in which you answered pink. “who’s your favorite music artist?” in which you said gracie abrams. “what’s your favorite thing about yourself?” eyes. “why do you wear pink all the time.” i love wearing pink. all those questions were answered, and he immediately knew, you knew how to not be shy, being as open as your are.

by the time three months hit, he got down on both his knees, arms wrapped around your torso, cheek on your belly, your hands in his hair, and telling you how much he loved you. your response had been what he needed: you loved him too.

by ten months, you had been able to sit in silence, enjoying each others company.

by one year and a half, you two both officially moved in with each other, finally planning your life together.

by two years and three months, he proposed to you in which your answer was yes.

everything seemed perfect, but one thing kept on flashing in drew’s mind, and oh did he feel so dirty. he always wonder what it would be like to see you naked, bent over the kitchen counter, fucking you from behind as you moaned his name. so when he did think of those thoughts, he would shake his head.

“are you a virgin, y/n?” drew got the courage to ask one night.

you turned to him, closing your clothes drawer, and you walked to him, standing on your side of the bed.

“oh,” you said, “i guess i never told you this. im celibate, which means—“

drew quickly crawled over to your side, grabbing your waist, resting his head on your belly. “i know what it means, babe. it was just a question.”

but it got harder and harder for him, having seeing you in those mini skirts and dresses, seeing you in heels, seeing you change, seeing you do anything turned him on so much he had to jerk himself off in the bathroom.

but little did he know, it was hard for you too.

—————————————————————————

“please,” you whispered, “make sure to go slow. i’ve never done this before.”

drew snorted. “don’t worry, baby. you’re gonna have the best time with this.”

you nodded as drew took his cock out of his underwear, throwing them to the side. you looked down and audibly gasped.

“it’ll fit,” said drew, “trust me.”

he slide himself inside of you very slowly. going inch by inch, listening to when you told him to go. eventually he started thrusting slowly in and out of you. you got into the rhythm of it, moaning when he was at a perfect pace.

“fuck, baby. you feel so good around my cock.”

you moaned loudly at that, pulling him closer by his buttocks. you couldn’t get rid of this feeling he was giving you. he was so good at this, so good that he threw his head back, going faster, but not that much.

“faster,” you demanded.

“fuck.”

he quickened the pace, hitting that spot that made your toes curl, your head throwing back into the pillows. you had never felt a feeling like this before.

“drew…”

“fuck i’m close.” drew said.

you moaned loudly, scratching on his back as he quickened the pace, on a mission. he repeated himself over and over again and you started whining, tears falling down your cheeks.

you came all over his cock, toes curling, never feeling like this.

“i guess you’re not celibate anymore,” said drew later that night.

you laughed, turning to him. “i love you.”

“i love you too.”

[babydoll372]

Pleasure

Pairings: older!natasha romanoff x younger!reader (nat is around her late thirties, early forties, r is early 20’s)

Word count: 2223

Warnings: age gap relationship, r is honestly cringe blame that on me alone, sexual insecurities, age gap insecurities, oral (r receiving), r is a virgin, mentions of scissoring, inexperienced!r

Natasha sighed in relief as she closed her laptop, clocking out of her shift and rushing to leave the office before her boss could dive into a long conversation with her. She got into her car and waited for it to warm up, shivering a bit at first and grabbing her phone to call you. She smiled as she saw your face appear on the screen as she started pulling out of the parking lot.

“Hello, my beautiful girl..how was your day?” She glanced over and saw you shrug a bit as you stirred a spoon, she was guessing you were cooking her dinner for when she’d be home.

“Y/N? Is everything okay?” She asked with more worry this time, and you couldn’t help but bite your lip as you stared upon her beautiful, chiseled jawline.

“I’m okay..uhm, how was work?”

“Eh, it was the same as usual. How was your doctor's appointment today? Everything go okay?” Today you had to see your primary care physician for a regular checkup, but it ended up going in a different direction. You nervously released the fact that you were not sexually active, even though you showed your doctor photos of you and Natasha earlier in the appointment. She didn’t question obviously, knowing many different reasons could be of cause, and wrote down what you told her. However, when you explained some worries to her was when she brought it up.

“So you can’t reach an orgasm with masturbation, why not try with your partner? I don’t know if you are waiting until marriage or what not-“

“Oh, no, no, definitely not planning to wait until marriage..I’m just, you know, a bit scared. It’ll obviously, uh..be the first so I’m just worried I’ll embarrass her and myself by feeling absolutely nothing.” The woman chuckled and placed a hand on your knee, patting it gently.

“I personally, and professionally, don’t think you have anything to be afraid of. It will be hard at first to adjust to, it’s definitely uncomfortable having another person see you so intimately and insight different physical reactions, but actually making love is so much different than masturbating, my dear. And I know it’s uncomfortable to hear or talk about, but you don’t need to fear it. I am sure that when the time comes you will be quite pleased, and so will your partner, and if not then I can refer you to a gynecologist and we can go from there, alright?” You nodded at her reassuring words, fiddling with your hands to ease your nerves as now the idea was imprinted into your mind for the rest of the physical. Maybe you really were just inexperienced and couldn’t bring yourself to experience an orgasm, but maybe she would? She had been with multiple women in her years, you zero, considering your age gap, but what if she didn’t enjoy it with you?

“It was fine..uhm, I- I was hoping to talk to you when you’re home about something.” You said, blurting it out before you would forcefully hold it in any longer. It had already felt like years keeping it in for ten hours.

“You don’t want to talk now? Is it serious?”

“I would just prefer talking at home, is that okay?” Once again, Natasha glanced at the camera with worry, trying to read your face in a quick few seconds before looking back at the road.

“Of course it’s okay..I’ll see you at home then?” Usually the call on her way home lasted the entire ride, but you both could feel the heavy tension and knew it needed to end there. You said your goodbyes and about fifteen minutes later, she came home and you greeted her at the door with a kiss. You walked her into the dining room where you had dim lighting and a candle lit on the table. The table was always up against the window looking out to the city, and now it looked even more romantic since it was dark out, and the only lights illuminating the sky were from the homes of other people living their own lives. Along with the candle were two plates of steak and potatoes, making Natasha’s eyebrows raise. Steaks weren’t something you two could afford often, clearly this was an important night.

“Wow, this must be something really important you need to discuss, huh?” She joked, sitting down across from you as you didn’t even laugh. You just bit your lip anxiously as you started to cut your own steak. Usually, Nat would cut your food for you, whether it was meat, pancakes, desserts, or anything else, she’d be the one doing it for you while you happily awaited.

“You sure you don’t want me to cut that for you, baby?”

“I’m okay, I’m not a baby, y’know.” You chuckled, only making her tick her head to the side in worry again.

“I know you’re not a baby, I just like doing things for you. I’m sorry if it came off that way..are you sure you’re okay?” She tried to calmly speak, not wanting to cause an argument of any kind but also getting a bit frustrated at your inability to communicate your problem with her.

“I-…I just don’t want you to think of me as some child, I’m a grown woman and I don’t need anybody to do things for me. And just because you’re older or have slept with loads of women doesn’t mean I’m some incompetent- thing!”

“Woah, woah, woah, what is going on? Why are you treating me like I’m some whore who’s slept with hundreds of women? And why are you suddenly so worried about this?”

“Because I want to have sex with you! And I- I want to be comparable to the, I don’t know, supermodels you’ve been with! And I don’t want you to think you can’t make a move just because I’m younger or because you cut my steak for me..” Natasha covered her lips to hide a chuckle at your obviously wrong guessing, and quickly put on a face of care when you were looking.

“Y/N, that is completely inaccurate! First off, the very few women I’ve slept with were nowhere near supermodels. Second off, you have no idea how badly I want to have sex with you! I have been holding back since we got together because I respect you, not because I don’t find you desirable or hot, it’s just because I’m not going to push you into anything. I do not think you are too young for me to have sex with…and I wish you would’ve come to me sooner about this, sweetheart..” She said as she kissed the back of your hands, smiling at you as you slowly cracked a grin, realizing how foolish you sounded.

“I’m sorry- gosh I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to be so rude, I don’t think you’re a whore at all! I think you’re awesome and the best girlfriend I could ever ask for..who I really hope will still accept my offer to have sex with me for the first time..tonight?” Natasha smiled wide, staring into your eyes as if they were never ending. She nodded as she verbally agreed, and you blew out a breath. You slowly pulled your hands back from her and went to finish your steak so that you two could start soon, however, Nat had different plans. She stood up abruptly and went to your side of the table, turning your chair around to face her and effortlessly lifting you so your legs wrapped around her waist, and her hands were placed on your butt as she teasingly squeezed it. She kissed you repeatedly along the way, having to stop back at the table after your insisting of blowing out the candle, and once you did, she just went for your neck. Any open area of skin she was following with her lips, sometimes leaving small purple marks in its wake. Once she got to the bedroom, she comfortably laid you on the bed and stared down at you, grinning from ear to ear.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that?” You bit your lip as your cheeks tinted a deep shade of red, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away. “I am the luckiest woman on this very planet, my love..and I am never letting you go. I am going to make love to you today and every single day after that you let me, because I cannot get enough of you, my beloved..” She leaned down to kiss you passionately before her hands trailed down to your hips, teasing your waistband. She trailed her lips to your chest until you nodded, allowing her to remove your shirt. She grinned, teasing her tongue around the soft, supple plush that was your skin, and sucking softly on your nipples, one and then the other. Your fingers found her hair as your raked through it, humming softly. You felt an ounce of panic rise when you thought back to what you told your physician and how you truly had never felt much pleasure, and you were worried this would be the same. You felt a limited amount of lust from her actions, but you felt loving pleasure.

“Nat..?”

“Hm?” She kept her lips wrapped around her desired object, looking up at you from your chest.

“Do you think you could try, like..rubbing me a bit? Or something like that..please and thank you.” She slowly pulled away from your chest, planning to go back as she grabbed a hair tie from the bedside table and put her long red hair in a bun. She used two fingers to gently caress your clit through your shorts, her free hand on your thigh rubbing soft circles.

“Tell me how that feels, sweetheart. Do you want me to move your shorts aside?”

“May you please? I- it feels close to good but not quite there..“ She nodded, understanding the difficulty you might have for your first time and she pulled the shorts over a bit to reveal your well tailored cunt. You fiddled with your fingers as you watched her face for her reaction.

“You look gorgeous, my love. But you don’t ever need to change a thing for me, okay?” You nodded, biting your lip as you felt her wet fingers draw circles over your clit. She focused on how much pleasure she was bringing you, her free hand moving to your breasts as she fondled them softly, tweaking your nipples playfully. After the same movements and eventually a slightly quicker pace, she wanted to go further.

“Is it alright if I use my mouth now?” She could see your hesitancy and how your legs instinctively closed an inch at the thought of her so close. “It’s alright if you don’t want me to, I just want to make you feel good, this is about you tonight.”

“You-..you can use your mouth, yeah..” She didn’t waste much time and put her hands on your thighs to hold them in place, bringing her tongue to your clit as she followed similar patterns from her fingers. She hummed at the taste of you, making you moan quietly as you gripped onto her hair. You could feel your legs shaking a little bit as you tightened them around her, and she only quickened the pace of her tongue. She rode off of your whimpers, both the quiet and loud, and she watched as your upper body heaved up and down the quicker she went. Her jaw started to ache, but she wasn’t finding it in her to care as she drowned out the pain and focused on your confused pleasure. It didn’t come in a matter of seconds, nor only a few minutes, but she continued until she heard the words she had been desperate to hear.

“Nat-! I- fuck, I think I’m gonna-“ She pulled away for mere milliseconds to respond, not wanting to waste a single moment away from your delicious juices.

“Cum for me- do it for me, baby!” She moaned loudly into your desperate heat as your legs shook even quicker and tightened even further, your body unraveling as you let yourself slip. Your eyes shot wide open as you stared at the ceiling, your orgasmic state washing over you intensely as you clung tightly to the back of your older girlfriends head while you muttered ‘fuck’ over and over under your breath.

She eased you out of your high by delivering slow licks to the sensitive bud until you were whining for her to stop. She slowly got up and removed her underwear before settling in front of you.

“Take all the time you need, there’s no rush..but once you’re ready, I want to teach you something.” She took your hands in her own, kissing them softly as you looked up at her, still in a completely disheveled state.

“What do you want to try?”

“You might’ve heard of it before, it’s called scissoring.” She grinned at the thought alone and ran her hands up and down your thighs, humming at the feeling of your soft skin as she could only imagine what it’d feel like rubbing against hers.

[buckyalpine]

Pick Me

Bucky x reader 

The new recruit has her eyes set of a certain set of super soldiers. Especially your super soldier. 

warnings: jealously, Angsty bangsty, but also so fluffy fluffy and smutty, clueless Bucky, he really means no harm, go easy on him.

A/n - editing to add: when I first started writing this I loved the concept and wrote a large chunk but then I left it for months cause I struggled to actually finish writing it. This wasn’t even the original ending I had planned but I just wanted to finish it so yes Bucky should’ve done way more, pretend there was a time jump where he does a better job with earning forgiveness 🥲

-

“Everyone, meet Nicole, our newest recruit for the field agent training program” Tony walked into the common room where you were sprawled out on the couch with Nat, Sam and Wanda while a young woman walking confidently behind him. “She’s going to be staying with us for a couple of months to train before she goes onto the the field” Tony turned back to her, bringing her to his side. 

“I’m sure you know everyone but let me introduce you to them anyway. This is the very Natasha, Wanda, Sam and y/n” 

“Hey Nicole” You gave her a warm smile, happy to welcome her while everyone else also got up to greet her. “Nice to meet you” 

“Oh, ew, just call me Nic! I don’t really go by Nicole” She scrunched her face at the sound of her full name, her eyes scanning the room, clearly looking for someone. “Don’t suppose the very Captain America and Sergeant Barnes are here?” 

The hopeful uptick in her voice made it clear that’s who she’d been searching for. Right on cue, the two super soldiers walked into the living room on their way to the kitchen after a morning run. 

“Speak of the devils and I do mean devils” Tony snorted beckoning the men to meet the new recruit. “Rogers, Barnes, this is Nicole, preferably Nic” 

“Hello handsome” She gave Bucky a bashful smile before turning to Steve and batting her lashes, “and handsome” 

“Nice to meet you” Steve reddened at the way she gripped onto his hand before slinking over to the brunette, purposely sticking out her left hand so he’d shake with his metal one. “And you Sergeant” 

Bucky gave her a smile and quick shake, excusing himself to get some water while Steve quickly trailed behind him. Tony went on to take her to her room which was on the same floor as yours, all the other spare rooms occupied by a few others who had already started training. Nicole returned to the living room moments later with sweats and a hoodie, her hair tied up, plopping down onto the sofa beside Sam. 

“Hey, were doing a girls night, movies, junk food, wine, you wanna join us?” Nat offered with a smile hoping to make the new recruit feel more welcome even though a part of her was wary. 

“It’s a lot of fun, I was just about to get some snacks for tonight, let me know what you like” You add with a smile, only to be met with a scoff.

“Mmm, hard pass on that, wine isn’t really my thing, thanks though” She gave the group a tight lipped smile before turning back to the two super soldiers who had also joined at some point, scrolling through phones they finally knew how to use. 

“What are you boys up to tonight” She threw them a smile while laying back on the couch and kicking her feet up, letting her hoodie ride up in the process. 

“Bucky and I were actually just going get in a work out, nothing much tonight” He said with a smile, not noticing the way Nicole’s eyes lit up. 

“Oh wow I actually haven’t been by the gym yet but I guess it’ll be where I spend most of my time for the program” 

“You could join us if you’d like, we can show you around” Bucky offered, also missing the smirk that crossed her face, only seeing her bounce right up with an enthusiastic nod. 

“Really? That would be great, I’d really appreciate it!” 

“Of course, anytime. We’re just about to head down soon” Bucky stretched as he got up, along with Steve, waiting for her to change before heading down. She got up and went off to her room while you picked at the skin on your fingers. You felt a pang of something at the pit of your stomach at Bucky’s offer but you knew he was just trying to make the girl feel like she was part of the team. He knew more about feeling left out than anyone else; of course he’d never want anyone else to feel the same way. 

Still.

Something was off.

You shook off the inkling of insecurity you felt, not wanting to over think his intentions. You and Bucky were not official yet but everyone knew there was tension and a clear unspoken dynamic between you both. It was just a matter of time. Unless he had his sights on the new girl...

No.

He wouldn’t do that. 

Right?

*****

“She’s getting really comfortable around those two” Nat cocked an eyebrow watching Nicole have a field day sparring with the two men, throwing herself onto Bucky in particular, giggling when he’d help correct her stance or catch her before she slipped. Every since she joined them at the gym, she made a point to only work out when they were both there, finding excuses when anyone else would offer to help her train. 

“I guess they are really experienced, so it makes sense...” Your voice trailed off, trying to reason why she was practically glued to their side, again ignoring the uneasiness you felt when Bucky picked her up with ease and set her back on her feet. 

“Uh-huh, we’re all experienced” Nat rolled her eyes, plastering on a fake smile when the three finished up on the sparring mat, making their way over to the both you. “You three have a good workout?” 

Steve blinked, noting the iciness In Nat’s voice though Nicole seemed unbothered. 

“They’re great, can’t beat having the two best soldiers train me” She drawled out, giving them a wink. Bucky couldn’t help the blush that spread to his cheeks, not used to being praised and you couldn’t help the jealously that started to gnaw at you again. 

No.

Relax. 

“Anytime, Nic” He shrugged while Nat retched internally, deciding to cut through that conversation before it went further. 

“You know, if you come by in the afternoons, Agent Hill hosts a great self-defense workshop for women, great way for you to do some networking as well” Nat gauged the way Nicole’s nose scrunched, shaking her head. 

“Women’s workshop, sound’s like a drama fest waiting to happen, honestly most of my friends are guys, makes life easier, thanks though” her eyes didn’t leave the brunette, placing herself perfectly between both soldiers. “Besides, I’m pretty good with self-defense already, that's why I got these two helping me with a little extra” 

“Anyway! Y/n and I were talking about the event Stark is hosting later night. You’re both coming, right?” Nat looked at the two men before her, purposely avoiding the Nicole but it didn’t seem to matter. 

“Are you coming as well?” Bucky asked her, her eyes lighting up again, quickly recomposing herself after. “You could meet a few of the other agents too, get to know some more people” 

“Uh sure, I could come by for a bit” She shrugged, coming off as indifferent while shaking with excitement on the inside. “Thanks, Sarge” 

You sucked in a breath at the name she kept calling him, always dropping a suggestive tone in her voice. Or maybe you were over thinking it. It was perfectly plausible she was just being nice to the person who was making an effort to make her feel welcomed. Maybe she had bad experiences in other places that made her wary of women, hence why she only stuck to all the guys on the team. You tried to wrack you brain for answers that would make you feel a little better but came up short. 

But you didn’t want to be petty. 

You were more mature than this. 

“We have plenty of dresses if you want to come by and get ready together” You offered again, mustering a smile, making a final attempt to befriend the new recruit but she didn’t even look your way, fully focused on the brunette. 

“Uh- not really the dresses and heels type. I’m more of a sneakers girl to be honest” She tossed her pony tail over her shoulder, missing the way Nat’s eyes nearly rolled out of her head while you nodded, watching her sway her hips as she walked off. “I’ll drag myself over if I’m feeling it” 

“Oh-okay, then we’ll just see you there!” You called after her while Nat dragged you off, uninterested in your constant attempts to be friendly. 

“C’mon, lets get you ready. I’m going to make you look so hot, Barnes ends up on his knees” The red head smirked while you squeaked, feeling your face heat up.  “We’re putting you in that red dress, the one that makes his pants feel too tight, don’t think I didn’t catch him adjusting himself the last time you wore it”

“Nat!” You hissed, hoping he didn’t hear, the both of you in a fit of giggles as you made your way to your room. “Oh my god” you hid your face while she dug through your closet, pulling out the tiny dress that hugged your body perfectly, the red color making you stand out in the best way possible. 

“Go shower while I get all the make up out, I’m tired of miss pick me trying to get a buy one get one free deal with those two” 

You snorted, hopping into the shower, letting the hot water destress your muscles, feeling a little more hopeful with the dress choice you were going with. Nat didn’t waste any time; as soon as you were out, your hair was styled, make up done and heels strapped. You knew you looked good when both Sam and Tony did a double take, letting their eyes shamelessly linger on you with low whistles. 

“Y’know if you’re done playing games with terminator, I’d be happy to take his place” Tony wiggled his eyebrows while you giggled, taking a seat on the plush couch of the lounge where everyone else sat. 

“What are you ladies drinking” Steve came over with a tray of drinks from the bar, already well aware of what each person liked to typically order. 

“I’m good with a beer” Nicole shrugged, rolling her eyes when you took the pink drink from the tray, “Ugh, I don’t know how you drink those, they’re so sweet, do you even taste anything at that point?”

You shrugged, quietly taking a sip of the raspberry lemonade while she gulped her beer, signaling for another after slamming her bottle down. 

“You guys took forever to get ready, this is why I can’t deal with makeup and dresses n’shit” she snorted, directing her comment mostly at you, “That’s a pretty bright color, I thought tonight was supposed to be lowkey?” 

“Well I think you ladies look beautiful” Thor boomed, not catching the snark in Nicole's voice, his smile wide and voice completely sincere. “Especially you, Lady y/n” 

“Thank you Thunder” You smiled, though the giddiness you felt initially had taken a second hit for the night. He beamed, setting down a bottle of Asgardian mead, searching for the two soldiers.  

“Alright, where are the two that need this” He looked around for Steve and Bucky, since they couldn’t get drunk off of regular alcohol. Bucky strode in clearly dressed to kill, in all black from head to toe. Steve joined his side, their faces lit up like it was Christmas day seeing the crystal decanter in the God’s hands. Bucky’s eyes flicked back to you, his breath hitching in his throat, seeing you in his favorite dress. 

“Fuck sweets, you look- 

“C’mon Sarge, how about a little competition” Nicole nudged Bucky, cutting off the trance he had on you, her shoulder pressing into his, biting her lip and eyeing the alcohol, “Let’s see how many shots we can do” 

“This might be a lot to handle doll” Bucky chuckled while you froze hearing what he called her. Her eyes lit up again, quickly glancing over to you, her eye brow quirking before leaning into him more. 

Since when did he call anyone else doll. 

You felt your stomach sink, taking another long sip of your drink instead, but nothing distracted you from the banter that was taking place before you. 

“Ugh, finee, I’ll stick to regular vodka, c’mon Buckyyy, lets gooo!” She practically clung off him waiting for him to pour shots, inches away from crawling into his lap as he grabbed the bottles. You couldn’t tell if the flush from his cheeks was from the alcohol or the constant giggles Nicole made whenever he spoke but either way, you didn’t want to watch any longer. 

“Where are you going” Nat grabbed your arm as you got up to leave, though you didn’t need to say anything for her to understand. Her green eyes glared at the tipsy solders who were now busy with a game of pool, surrounded by the rest of the team, Nicole practically crawling up Bucky’s legs each time it was his turn. “For fucks sake-

“They’re just having fun, don’t worry about it”  You stopped Nat before she stormed over, shaking your head. As much as you wanted to red head to have her way with any of the three at this point, you couldn't be bothered. You were not about to fight for Bucky’s attention; if he wanted to give it to you, he would...

Right? 

You thought things would go back to normal at some point. But it didn’t. Nicole made a point of training twice a day, anything to get her hands on the brunette. Anything to feel the cool metal of his hand on her. In fact she’d taken up most of Bucky’s time outside of just training, always finding ways to tag along with Steve as well, all while avoiding the rest of the team.

*****

“What's wrong sweets” Bucky could tell something was on your mind while he stroked your back, his body still warm from the way he took you apart at least 3 times before filling you up till you were dripping and soaking his sheets. He had finally gotten an afternoon off, tossing you over his shoulder when he found you in the kitchen, not letting you get a word in as he shut the door behind him. You wanted to argue back that he couldn’t just have access to you any time he felt like according to his convenience, but as soon as his soft lips were on you, you melted, turning into a moaning mess seconds later. 

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages” You shrugged, toying with the corner of Bucky’s blanket, starting to feel more like you were just a body to warm his bed than someone he actually wanted to be with. “We haven’t really hung out recently” 

You had let yourself relax into his hold only for him to curse under his breath a second later after he noticed the time. He shifted you off him, making his way over to the closet to pull over his jeans and Henley before scrambling around for his wallet and keys. 

“Bucky, what are you-

“Sorry doll, I forgot I promised to take Nicole to the corner diner, showing her around a little bit cause she’ll be staying for a few extra weeks”

Fantastic.

“You spend a lot of time with her” You didn’t want to come off as jealous, keeping your voice even, though you were close to tearing someone's head off. Bucky didn’t seem to notice, humming in agreement while sitting at the edge of the bed to pull on his socks.  

“Yeah, she’s fun!” Bucky said casually, which only made the weight in your stomach feel heavier. “She almost beat Steve in MarioKart, just when he thought he was unstoppable”

“Hm” You didn’t bother saying anything else while Bucky threw on his jacket, patting down himself to be sure he didn’t miss anything. He caught the way your face had fallen, his cool metal fingers slipping under your chin to tilt your face up. 

“How about we hang out after? Around 7, we’ll watch a movie together, okay? I’ll grab dinner for us. Promise doll” He kissed your forehead before jogging off, closing the door behind him.

You were ready by 6, too excited to wait till 7, having showered and changed into something comfy, laying out Bucky’s favorite snacks and adding a few more soft pillows to the bed. You knew it was still early so you didn’t mind lounging around for a bit, anxiously checking the time as it neared closer and closer to when he was supposed to show up. 

An hour later, it was 7. 

Then 7:30. 

And then 8.

By 9, you had left everything as is, blinking back the hot tears that wanted to spill, retreating back to your own room, not wanting to see him at all, even if he did have a good excuse for not showing up, which was highly unlikely. You shut the door, throwing on an oversized t-shirt and crawling into bed, burying yourself under the covers, no longer bothering to hold back the tears that began to soak your pillow. 

****

Bucky cocked his head curiously, seeing his bedroom door left ajar, wondering why it was open when he definitely closed it before leaving. As soon as he stepped in, his heart dropped to his stomach seeing the pillows that were propped up against the headboard, his favorite snacks piled on the fluffy blanket, your fuzzy bunny slippers left behind beside his bed. 

He cursed under his breath when he realized the time, remembering his promise to you, running straight to your room, only to find it closed with the lights turned off. He tried knocking only to be met with silence, carefully turning the handle and letting himself inside. 

“Doll?” He felt his heart break further seeing the small lump under a mountain of blankets, curled up into a ball “Oh, doll” He strode over, sitting at the edge of your bed, careful not to wake you if you were asleep, his hand gently tucking a strand of hair from your face. 

“What” Your voice cracked, hoping he’d think its from sleep and not the fact that you had been crying. 

“I’m so sorry sweets, we lost track of time, we went out to grab food and then Sam suggested we check out that new arcade just down the street” 

We were supposed to do that you thought to yourself, swallowing down the lump in your throat, refusing to let your emotions get the better of you. 

“And then Steve and Sam had to leave half way cause they had a mission early in the morning. Nicole wanted ice cream so we went by Carla’s before coming back-

“You took her to Carla's?” You cut Bucky off, your heart breaking further. That particular ice-cream shop always felt like something special you shared with Bucky, the place he took you to when neither of you could sleep. It was the place you shared your first kiss with him, the place where he said he felt something between the two of you. It’s not like you owned the store but it felt like the final straw, your resolve finally breaking. 

“Yeah, I-

“Just go Bucky” There wasn’t a hint of iciness in your voice; just disappointment and defeat, both far worse than you being angry. Bucky froze, pulling your blanket away from you, only for you to push his hand away, burying yourself further into the sheets. 

“Doll?”

“Don’t call me that” It was the indifference in your voice that left him hurt and confused, mouth opening and closing, “Please leave” 

“Sweets, I can make it up to you, I promise-” 

“It’s fine James” You shrugged, pulling the sheets higher up, not willing to speak anymore, knowing you’d burst into tears again if you did. Bucky reluctantly decided to let you sleep, figuring you’d hear him out the next day but no.

How wrong he was. 

You avoided him in the morning. 

And the day after that. 

Nearly a week had gone by and you didn’t spare him a second glance, always finding an excuse to evade him whenever he trailed behind you. It didn’t help that Nicole attempted to stay glued to his side, not giving him chance to get you alone. 

*****

“What’s with you” Sam watched Bucky slump down onto the sofa, where everyone else lounged around, his face sullen from a lack of sleep, grumpiness amplified because why were you avoiding him so much? 

“Y/n isn’t talking to me” He shrugged, while Nat glared at him. 

“I wonder why” the red head mumbled, rolling her eyes at his confusion. 

“When was the last time you guys spoke” Steve inquired, equally concerned about why you were ignoring his best friend. Bucky was the last person to share stories about his love life but at this point he was desperate. He recalled the events of the last time he spoke to you, promising a movie night, going out with Nicole, taking her for ice cream, running late, apologizing to you afterwards, where did he go wrong? 

“I didn’t mean to forget- 

“Bucky!” Nat slapped him upside the head while he yelped, looking at her with puppy eyes. 

“What did I do?”

“Barnes, you absolute doorknob, you took her to all the spots you take y/n to, you’ve been spending all your time making little miss I’m one of the guys feel comfortable, you’ve made y/n seem invisible and you’re wondering why she’s not talking to you?” Bucky blinked while Nat continued, her annoyance only growing when she saw a message from Nicole pop up on Bucky’s phone. 

“You treat Nicole like your girlfriend. Imagine some new guy joins us, makes a point of eye fucking y/n the entire time, finding ways to constantly flirt with her and touch her, you’d be fine with it? Imagine he avoids hanging out with the guys but makes all the time in the world to chase after anything with breasts. On top of that, how would you feel if y/n went out of her way to make said guy feel more welcomed when he clearly just wants to get into her pants. You’d be fine with it?!”

Bucky shook his head, though still not fully understanding because Nicole was just a friend, not someone he’d even be into. Plus, its not like she was into him like that, right? 

“But Nicole doesn’t want to-” Bucky started, shutting his mouth when Nat nearly hissed, staring at him while he did the mental math, “Nicole wants to get into my pants?” Bucky looked at Nat wide eyes, ducking the cushion she was about to whack at his face, all the pieces finally clicking together. He groaned, running a hand over his face, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. Just as Sam and Steve were about to hum in agreement with Nat, she glared at them, their eyes growing wide.

“And you” Nat turned to glare at Steve, his shoulders slumping when he realized he wasn’t in the clear. He squeaked when Nat pulled his ear, giving it a squeeze, “What were you thinking. You didn’t once think it was weird she only trained with you two? Haven’t any of you noticed Nicole doesn’t hang out with any of us, Just you?” Nat waved her hand at the men that sat before her, their dumb stuck faces only adding to her annoyance. “Idiots” 

As much as Bucky wanted to hit his head onto a brick wall, he didn’t have time to waste, immediately springing up from the couch to look for you. He checked everywhere he could but you were nowhere to be found. He was so desperate, he found himself shuffling outside of Tony’s lab, hoping FRIDAY would give him your location. 

“You’re asking for a lot Barnes, y/n might add my name to the hit list if I tell you where she is” 

“Please” Bucky was ready to beg on his knees while the billionaire huffed, watching the former assassin look like a lovesick puppy. He cocked an eyebrow, noting the glassiness of Bucky’s eyes on his desperate face, nodding before calling for FRIDAY to look for you. “Also, I need another favor...” 

****

“Y/n, babygirl” He’d never felt such relief before, seeing you make your way to your room, coming back from your hiding spot from the roof, the scowl on your face clearly showing you weren’t trying to talk to anyone one your way over. 

“Oh, I’m babygirl now? Has doll now been reserved for Nicole” You couldn’t hold back the sneer in your voice, walking away faster, ignoring his calls. 

“Baby, please!”

No. 

“Baby, wait!” Bucky chased after you, not willing to let another day go by without you knowing exactly how he felt. He managed to get hold of your hand, gently tugging you towards his chest and spinning you till your back was against the wall, his chest nearly pressed to you. “Please, I-I need to talk to you, tell you how I feel” 

“There’s nothing to talk about”

“Yes there is” His voice was earnest, baby blues searching your downcast eyes, his finger tilting your chin up to look at him, “There’s so much to talk about, I adore you” 

“Do you also adore Nic?” You scoffed, while Bucky’s cheeks warmed with embarrassment, the pink spreading up to his ears.

“There’s no Nic or Nicole, theres just a y/n, my y/n, only you doll” You rolled your eyes at his response, trying to move away but Bucky wasn’t having any of it, keeping you pressed against him, “I’m sorry darling, I didn’t realize what she was doing or get her intentions. I thought she just wanted to get to know the team better”

“Wow” you huffed under your breath, wishing you had the space to flick the super soldiers forehead. 

“I know, I’m an idiot, and I’m an even bigger idiot for not making it clear I’m so utterly and desperately in love with you” Bucky bit his lip as soon as the words left his mouth, he’d said everything under the sun except those words before. But they were true and he’d kept it inside long enough. “I love you, I love you, fuck, I love you”

You squeaked in surprise when he scooped you up in his arms, tossing you over his shoulder, walking over to his bedroom, smiling when he felt your small fists hitting his back, your butt wiggling to be put back down. 

“Barnes, put me down, you can’t just say you love me and then carry me away like a complete ogre!” He set you down, kicking the door shut behind him before wrapping his arms around you tightly again, falling more in love with your irritated pouty face. 

“I love you sweet girl. God, I’m so in love with you”

“You’re an absolute idiot”

“An idiot who is in love” 

“You’re so cheesy” You willed yourself not to smile, ignoring the butterflies that fluttered at his words and love struck eyes. “you’re still a dick”

“I know. M’sorry angel, I didn’t realize what I was doing, I never wanted to hurt you. I should’ve known something was up when all she wanted to do was train 24/7 but I guess I misunderstood her intentions cause I didn’t see her as anything else. I’ve only ever had eyes for you baby, you have my heart. You always will” 

“Where is she right now anyway?” You melted into his chest, closing your eyes at the feeling of his lips pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Isn’t she supposed to be leaving soon?” Bucky didn’t respond, his hands starting to wander your body instead, slipping up your shirt, rubbing soft circles on your hips. Without warning, he picked you up again, tossing you on the bed and pouncing on you, peppering your face with kisses. 

“Bucky what are you doing” You giggled feeling his beard tickle your skin as he started to trail kisses down your neck. 

“I may have requested Tony to have her stay an extra night” Your face twisted in confusion at his words but the devious look on his face made your tummy flutter. 

“And he happily agreed because...”

“Because...?”

“I want her to hear how good I can make the girl I picked feel” Bucky smirked as he crawled off you, stripping his clothes off before tearing yours off immeitedly after. “M’not gonna waste another second, gotta let the whole compound know who my best girl is” 

****

“OH G-GOD J-JAMES FUUCCCKKK” 

“That’s it pretty princess, that’s it, cum on my dick baby, my good girl, fuck you’re so good to me, look at that, God you’re soaked baby”

“Jesus Christ” Nicole huffed, no longer able to ignore the moans coming from Bucky’s room while the rest of the team pretended to be none the wiser, your loud love making carrying all the way down the hall. Bucky happily disabled the sound proofing in his room before pushing his cock in as deep as it would go, railing you into the mattress. 

“Baby you look so pretty when you’re all stretched out like this, c’mon you can take more, spread those legs for me baby, open up, c’mon, lemme in” 

“HNG PleasepleasepleaseJames” 

“So perfect when you beg, cock’s all yours mama, m’all yours, go on and use me, that’s it, ride this dick, you own me” 

“Bucky, gonna-c-cum, gonna-cum!”

“Cum for me princess, God I love you” 

“You want a snack?”

“Nick?”

“Uh-Nicole?”

“Huh?” Nicole whipped her head around to where Steve was innocently holding out the bowl of popcorn, while Sam stood up to grab more snacks before the movie started. She stared at everyone surrounding her acting as if they couldn’t hear the way you were screaming your vocal chords raw, the super soldier moaning louder than you, “N-no, I’m fine”

Tony cocked an eyebrow at the way her jaw clenched, mindlessly scrolling through her phone while Bucky’s thrusts punctuated with each word. 

“Y’feel so. Damn. Good. baby, could spent my whole life like this making love to you” 

“Fuck, I love you James” 

“Ugh- they’re so loud” Nicole rolled her eyes again in hopes that someone would feel the same but all she got were blank stares back. 

“I mean, terminator is practically in love with her” Tony shrugged while the others nodded in agreement.

“They’re cute. It’s about time they made it official, don’t you think?” Nat asked sweetly staring directly at her while Steve tried to chime in as well, his cheeks burning hot pink between the sounds of skin slapping and moaning. 

“They sound so happy together” he stuttered out while Sam snorted, choking from laughter. 

“Oh God, oh god, fuck-Jamie-JAMIE” 

“Yup, real happy”

“I-I think I’m actually gonna call it at early night, stay at the recruiting center tonight instead” Nicole headed straight to the main doors without looking back, the rest of the team giving each other satisfied smirks. 

Bucky collapsed beside you, panting, his short locks clinging to his forehead, a thin sheet of sweat covering his body. He truthfully stopped caring about what Nicole could or couldn't hear half way through, meaning every single word he said as he took you apart over and over again. You giggled at his shy smile when he pulled you into his chest, pulling the sheets over you both, kissing your forehead. 

“I love you pretty girl. I love you so much” 

[marvelwitchergilmore]

There For You

Summary: Joaquin Torres x fe!Reader -> All your life you've told people you're 'fine'. So what happens when Joaquin sees through the mask?

Disclaimer: A lot of angst with a splash of fluff here and there. Dealing with feelings of guilt and high walls, Joaquin shows up for the reader, homemade meals, hurt/comfort fluff, Joaquin sees reader, happy ending.

I’m fine. 

That was a sentence you were used to saying. If there was a book published after everyone had died, listing the amount of times you’d said a word or a phrase; I’m fine would be a top contender. 

“How are you?”

“I’m fine. How are you?”

“Well…”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, I promise,” you laugh.ed. “Honestly, it’s okay.”

“How’s your day been?” 

“It’s been-”

“Well, I’m just about to…”

Fine was something you’d always been. Mostly because you had to be. You couldn’t really remember when it all started, just that it did. And now it couldn’t change. You’d tried once, not being fine. It didn’t go so well. 

“How’ve you been?”

Silence. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve been good. Yeah, it’s kinda been-”

“Can I ask your advice on something real quick? It-It’ll only take like a second.”

That second took three days. And it was still a conversation talked about months later. 

So, after that, you put the smile back on. You’d tried to sit up, only to slouch again a few seconds later, and you plastered on your smile. If anyone asked, you were fine. At the very least, you were a variation. Okay. Good. Well. 

And them? They needed your help. Or advice. Or needed you to just listen. You needed to take in their information so they could get it off their chest and you were to keep your own to yourself. Once they’d actually asked you to. 

“How was work?” They asked you as you sat down, your entire body ready to just cry itself to sleep. 

“Not great.” 

They shook their head and sat back. “Oh, no. Actually.” They’d heard the tone in your voice. The last time they heard that tone, it hadn’t been something great. “Can you not tell me? It’s just, I don’t like hearing about that kinda stuff.” They meant you work. So, pulling your feelings back in, you turned your head away and looked back towards the window. “But, I have a new update. So…”

Again, you’d plastered on a smile. You didn’t have the energy for the argument that would come if you shook your head and said no. You also didn’t want to be alone at that moment. So, if sitting through a variation of the same conversation you’d heard more than a thousand times was what you had to go through to avoid an argument where inevitably you’d apologise, then you’d sit through it. 

Some days it felt like if someone asked more than once…maybe even pushed you for the truth, you’d collapse right there. You’d cry and tell them everything. And feel completely guilty about it afterwards. People didn’t need your troubles burdening them. People needed you. As a friend, as a shoulder to cry on, as an advice service, as a soundboard. They needed you. 

Even when your voice notes went unheard, when your texts were skimmed over and left behind in favour of someone else's conversation. It was in the small hours of the night the guilt would creep up on you. What if they’d been dying to get it off their chest all day and you’d just interrupted them. Maybe they’d skipped over it, but it still interrupted them. They’d already said they didn’t want to know. 

They didn’t need to know. 

Because you were fine. 

So, you got up. You answered the text messages, you listened to the voice notes, you found time in your busy schedule to go to lunch or grab a drink with them. And each time, you’d come back home, your words still with you. 

“Alone again,” you sighed as you sank into your sofa. “Alone again.”

Sometimes, you were glad to be alone. It meant the weight on your chest was a little less full of guilt. That you’d still wanted to tell them things when you knew they didn’t really want to listen. That, deep down, you just wanted to leave and let them keep talking. It was a lot to take on sometimes. Thankfully, some days, you didn’t really notice the weight. Not until weeks later when it would crash back over you. 

In your own way, you’d screamed for help before. You’d been drowning. But nobody had heard you. They’d pointed out that you weren’t you and that you needed to apologise. So you had done. If more than one person was saying it, it meant it had to be true, right? 

It took a while, but you’d succeeded. You’d finally become the person they wanted again. Inside, most days, it was like being held together by glue and duct tape. You kept the mask up, for as long as you could, to give you time to replace it with stronger stuff; wood, nails, bricks, metal. If they didn’t see you still fixing it, they wouldn’t make such a big deal about it. They wouldn’t blame you for being the person you’d become who wasn’t you. 

And eventually, they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the wood and metal and the mask you’d been wearing. 

Everything would be normal for them. And you’d be able to still keep everything in, without the walls bending and breaking like cardboard. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Morning, Y/n.”

You looked up and smiled from your desk. “Morning, Cap.”

“Hey, Y/n.” Joaquin followed Sam. 

“Morning. You guys okay?”

They both nodded. “Hill just gave us our debrief. Told us to come and find you.”

You nodded. “Yes.” From your desk, you pulled out two files and handed them over. “The mission is on a little island, just south of the European continent. We’ve had confirmation of sightings of ex-hydra agents in local areas.” 

You pushed the diagram from your tablet onto the projector screen. “They have been here, here and here.” The spots formed a triangle on a nearby coast. “We also know one is confirmed to have once been affiliated with the flag-smashers.”

You gave them both the rest of the debrief. “Barton will be flying you out tomorrow morning.”

“Tomorrow morning? Why tomorrow?”

“Because our sources tell us their secret shipment isn’t going to arrive until then and if we don’t catch them with it, then there is a chance our case may not hold well enough. Hill doesn’t want to take the risk of it falling through.”

After thirty minutes, they both had everything they needed to know. 

“Get your rest now, Torres. We’re gonna need it for tomorrow.”

“Aye, aye, Cap. Where you headed?”

Sam turned around as he walked out of the door. “Got a date.”

You leaned over the desk. “Bucky and your sister have a date!”

“Same thing!”

“Sam! Leave them alone!”

“Hey, they brought this on themselves. I’m just making sure nothing…untoward is gonna happen.”

You sighed. “Bucky is over a hundred years old. His flirting skills remain in the 40s.”

“It’s not him I’m worried about.”

As Sam left leaving both you and Joaquin with laughing smiles on your faces, Torres turned around to you. 

“You got much on tonight?”

You shrugged. “Not a lot. Why?”

“Wanted to see if you’d like to come with me later.”

“Do you need my help?” 

Even for Joaquin, that question fell off your lips far too quickly. 

He shook his head. “No. Just me and the others were gonna catch a film and some dinner. Wanted to see if you’d like to come?”

“Oh…” The all too familiar guilt crushed your lungs. They didn’t need your help. “No, no. It’s okay. You guys have fun, though.”

“Are you sure?”

You nodded, your smile feeling a little forced even for you. “Yes. Of course. You…go and have fun.”

“Okay. But the invitation is still there so if you change your mind…”

You nodded. “Thanks.”

Joaquin didn’t know what it was, but something made him stay right where he was. He could have left. Gone home, napped, got ready to go out. But something made him stay. 

“Are you doing okay?”

“I’m fine. Why?”

He shrugged a little. “It’s nothing. Just…have you been sleeping?”

“Have I…” His question took you by surprise. “Y..yes. I’m sleeping.”

“Properly? Like…eight hours, REM sleep, all that jazz?”

You tilted your head a little, looking at him as if he had just grown a second head. “Not…not all the time, but that’s mostly down to my neighbours. Is there something you want to tell me? Are you okay?”

Joaquin nodded. “Yeah, I’m good. But you’re sure you’re okay?”

You nodded. “I’m okay.”

“Okay. Alright then.”

“Alright.”

“See you later?”

You nodded. “Maybe.”

He didn’t see you later. But by the looks of it, he had a good time anyway. Kate’s instagram story showed you as much. But he did see you the day after. You were there, readying the jet and some of the equipment before him and Sam were about to jet off. 

“Keep your earpiece in-”

“At all times. I know.” Joaquin and Sam repeated after you. 

“I’ll be tracking you guys every step of the way. If you need my help, just call out. I’ll be able to hear you. And remember, we need confirmation of the shipment before you start bringing people in.”

“Got it.”

“Good luck, guys.”

“Thanks, Y/n.”

Almost twenty four hours later, they were back along with confirmation of the shipments and a dozen people in custody. 

Thankfully, the paperwork after it kept you busy for a couple of weeks. For as much as you wanted to say yes each time you were asked to attend something, the paperwork gave you a real excuse so they didn’t think you were avoiding them. Because you would have loved to have said yes. But after years and years of only ever being needed, it was hard to grasp the concept of being wanted. Which part of you still didn’t believe. 

But, as the months and missions went on, things started to slip. Not by much but you could feel it. Yet, somehow, the mask managed to stay up. 

Unknown to you, however, Joaquin saw right through it. He saw through it all. The masks, the reassurance, the mystery. He knew you cared. A lot. People always knew they could go to you. They always did. Joaquin also knew Sam had tried to talk to you a few times. 

He’d seen something in you. Something that he saw in a lot of people he’d helped. But after his third attempt, he decided to let you come to him when you were ready. 

“You know, if you ever want to talk-”

You smiled, laying a hand on his upper arm as you passed him. “Sam. I promise you, I’m okay. If I ever need someone to talk to, I’ll come to you. But, seriously, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m okay. I promise.”

Joaquin, however, wasn’t as patient. Maybe with everyone else, he could be. But not with you. 

Not when he was visibly seeing the changes in you that you were somehow managing to hide from everyone. 

It had started with the first sleepless night you’d all seen for the first time in a while. A level seven threat just on the outskirts of the city. Almost everyone was called in to help. It had been a lot. You’d been put through a lot. 

Despite working mostly on the tech side of things, you were still a fully qualified field agent. 

When everything had finally died down and people could head home before the six o’clock news briefing later that day, you’d stayed awake. You’d combed through everything you could, you’d brought up every piece of CCTV footage, you’d gone through every statement you could in order to piece together a coherent explanation that wouldn’t scare the rest of the country into a coma. 

“Have you even gone home?” Joaquin asked you just as the clock turned to read 21:03. 

You swivelled in your chair, a little quieter than usual. “Not yet.”

“Come on, I’ll drive you home.” 

That was the first time you hadn’t fought someone who was trying to help you. Joaquin drove you home and when you got inside, your phone started ringing. And you just let it ring, and ring and ring. For a moment, your heart held out hope. Maybe your friend was calling in to check on you. But from the texts that followed…they weren’t. 

You’ll never guess what’s just happened…

Over the next six weeks, Joaquin saw the changes. They were subtle. He had to hand it to you. You were clever at hiding it. 

“From the amount of coffee you’d been drinking, you shouldn’t still be yawning.”

You chuckled. “Must be decaf.”

There was a drop in your expression from the happy smile it had held a few seconds earlier. Then it was quickly replaced with a defeated, yet somehow accepted, expression. Whoever you were texting, you were happy to help. But wishful of something else nonetheless. 

Then he saw it in the way he made you jump. Or how anyone made you jump. 

It was rare someone ever managed to scare you. You were observant. Saw things way before other people did. So when he walked up to your desk, with you facing him, and he saw you jump when you finally looked up, something else flicked inside of him. 

It was like each individual light switch was slowly turning on one by one each time he saw you. You were tired. It wasn’t decaf because he saw you pour directly from the pot of regular he’d just made. The hopeful then saddened expressions when looking at your phone. The distant look in your eyes. He didn’t know where you’d go, but sometimes you’d just completely disappear. The tired pull of your body into and out of work. The declined invitations. The reassurance that they wouldn’t want you there. The true acceptance of your own statement, no matter how many times he’d tell you it was wrong. The glassy look in your eyes when someone asked for a second time if you were okay. The even brighter glassy look in your eyes when your friend surprised you at work and ate lunch with you. 

She’d asked you how you were and you’d told her some things. It hadn’t been much. Just paperwork and research. She’d asked questions to know more, but before you could get to any kind of topic that didn’t come with a  generic answer, she’d moved on. Brushed it off and the brief thankful look in your eyes that you’d finally be able to tell someone something was gone. 

He’d watched you help others, talk to them, be their soundboard, look out for them, take their comments that even you had noticed had been a subtle dig at you. So, when the day came that you stepped away for a small break, Joaquin went in search of you. 

You were ten seconds away from crying for eight hours straight. You were exhausted. Anytime anyone said anything to you, nothing seemed to register. You could hear the voice in the back of your mind of people telling you that you needed to apologise. But that just frustrated you more because you didn’t know who to and for what. Just that you needed to. You’d been trying to sleep at night and you knew others could see it. You were just grateful that they accepted you had noisy neighbours. Only, in the three years that you had new neighbours, they’d never once woken you up. 

The image of the unplayed voice notes kept flashing through your head. But they needed you. They needed someone to vent to, or someone to get advice from, or someone to brag to. They didn’t like doing the same, but it was okay. It had to be okay. 

Some people could have full lives, but lonely existences? You had friends, you had family. There shouldn’t be any reason why you should feel like this. Maybe that’s what you had to apologise for? They knew you were grateful for their help when it was given. And, despite the times their promise you could always come to them felt empty, they knew you were grateful for their offer, right? 

A knock came to the single bathroom door. “Y/n? You okay in-”

“I’m fine. I’ll be out in a second,” you called out from inside. Your eyes shut tight and your fist was against your forehead. Quickly, you turned around and ran the tap, splashing your face a few times, trying to ignore the dizziness inside your head. 

“Hey, I was getting worried-”

Joaquin saw your legs buckle just before you caught yourself on the frame of the door. “S-Sorry. Lost my footing. I just needed a second to-”

From your grip on the door and the tremble in your legs, you were finding the energy to move forwards without completely falling over. Then he saw your face. The tired eyes, the wetness to your lashes, the tear stains at the bottom of your cheek. 

Then it was the shaking in your fingers as you lifted your hand for a moment but quickly replaced it. Your chest was moving at an uneven rate and finally, your hand slipped. 

“Whoa, hey, okay, okay. Come with me.”

With one arm around your back, Joaquin helped carry you over to a nearby chair before he crouched down in front of you. “Hey, look at me. How are you feeling?”

“I…I’ll be fine.”

Your eyes were still closed but Joaquin shook his head. “Okay, no. I’m taking you home.”

“Honestly-”

“No buts. I’m taking you home. When was the last time you got any decent sleep?”

You were trying to think of when but just as you did, you were finding it difficult to find the words. The voice in your head was too loud; you’re fine, you’ll get better, this shouldn’t be happening, get over yourself, people have it worse, others need your help, others need his help.

“I-I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to worry about me. You-you should go. I’ll be fine. I promise. I’ll call a cab-”

“Don’t try and fight me on it. I’m going with you.”

If you had the breath or the energy to, you would have done. But you didn’t. So, two hours later you were freshly showered with your hair washed since the smell of anti-bac from the doctor Joaquin had called had been knocking you even more dizzy and nauseous. 

It had surprised you when you’d come out of your bathroom to find warm and fresh clothes laid out on your bed. A pair of shorts and a t-shirt – fresh from the dryer, despite you having picked them out of your dresser before you went for a shower. And a sweater. It wasn’t yours. But the familiar warm scent of it let you know it was Joaquin’s. 

Put it on to keep you warm

You did as the note said and by the time you pulled it over your head, another smell drifted through your home. Downstairs, you found Joaquin cooking.��

“You really don’t have to stay-”

“I’m staying. You’re run down and you need someone to look after you.”

“I’ll be okay. I’ve looked after myself before-”

“And now you don’t need to.”

“Joaquin.”

He just stopped and looked at you. “You do everything for everyone else. And in the last six weeks alone you’ve done that on minimal sleep. You need someone to take care of you, and I want to. You can keep fighting me on it, but I’m staying. And before you say anything – you do not need to apologise. Not to me, not to anyone else. People get sick and people let others take care of them, it’s just how it works.”

That had been the sixth time he’d told you you didn’t need to apologise. So, to avoid saying it again, you changed the subject. 

“What are you making?”

You came to find out Joaquin had ran down to the corner store whilst your clothes were warming in the dryer. He’d made you one of his family’s recipes. A full meal – one that his mother swore could cure everything. A bad tummy, a bad day, a broken heart. It was a cure to everything. 

“Thank you.”

Joaquin smiled and for the most part, you both ate in silence. But you could feel his eyes on you. Watching your movements, probably noticing the slight shakiness still in your hands. 

“I’m gonna stay the night.”

“You really don’t have to-”

“I want to know. See it with my own eyes that you’re sleeping.”

“You do realise how creepy that sounds right?”

He thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, that does kinda sound- you know what I mean. I want to know if you've actually had a decent night's sleep.”

“I’ve only got the one bed at the minute-”

“I can take a couch-”

“Or you could stay with me.”

A slightly awkward silence replaced the once slightly comfortable one. 

“Sorry. I…you probably…I should have- I’m sor-”

“Do you want me to stay with you?” The look on Joaquin’s face was nothing but complete softness. There was no harsh judgement in his eyes or his voice. There was no mockery or fakeness. It was nothing but just pure…

Care. 

And somewhere between the awkward silence and the caring gaze, your voice answered before your brain even had a chance to drag you back under the water and raise the mask. 

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

Okay. Such a tiny word with such a heavy meaning. 

Ninety minutes, a full meal that hadn’t been microwaved, a loaded dishwasher and two sitcom episodes later, you were brushing your teeth before finally getting into bed. 

Joaquin lay beside you. At first he’d offered to remain on the outside of the covers. But you didn’t want him to get cold. So, with a quiet smile, he’d pulled the other side of the covers back. Your phone had started blowing up with different text messages from different people but one in particular was more incessant than the rest. 

And once Joaquin knew the texts weren’t important – mostly from your reaction after you’d read them as they came up as notifications, he’d taken your phone from you and turned it off completely. 

It was the first time he’d seen you relax in ages. 

Not by much, but it was a start. Besides, if there was a real emergency, they’d call him, too. Not that he’d let you anywhere near work for the next few days at the very least. You needed a break. 

Finally, you got into bed and felt your body, despite how stiff it felt, relax into the mattress. 

“I don’t know if I can fall asleep.”

Joaquin didn’t say anything. All he did was move a little closer to you before taking your hand in his and resting two of your fingers against his wrist. 

“Count my pulse.”

“Does that work?”

Joaquin nodded. “Whenever I was on deployment and couldn’t sleep, this is what I would do.”

You took his word for it. And for the first time in almost six weeks, you fell asleep long before the clocks touched midnight. And somewhere in the night, your fingers had gone from holding his wrist, to his hand to suddenly being held completely by him. 

When you finally woke up in the morning, the day before was slow to come back to you. The panic, the dizziness, the sickness, Joaquin, the doctor, the sweater, the meal, and…the pulse. You felt warm. And when you finally opened your eyes, you found yourself tangled with the very man who had helped you. 

The very man who had stayed. 

And for a short moment, you closed your eyes and leaned into him again. And, almost as if he did it all the time, Joaquin’s arms held you closer before you felt his lips brush the top of your head. And you both stayed like that for a long time. You were certain you’d fallen asleep again. 

But Joaquin stayed. He didn’t try to move, he didn’t attempt to leave or wake you up. 

He stayed and held you. 

“How’d you sleep?”

“Better than I have done in a while.”

Lifting his hand, he carefully brushed the stray hairs from the front of your face to behind your ear. “Good.” Then he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of your forehead. “Good.”

After a few beats of silence, you spoke again. “I know you told me not to fight you on it-”

“Y/n.”

You held onto his arm as you looked up at him. “No, no. I’m not gonna…I just wanted to say thank you.”

Joaquin was quiet as he looked at you, studied you. “You’re welcome, but you never have to thank me for staying.”

“Not many people have. Not many people noticed I needed someone to stay.” The true answer was that before Joaquin, nobody had stayed. But that seemed too sad to say out loud. And you had a feeling he already knew the true answer. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay-” It was almost like the tears before the tears. That feeling of your chest catching onto itself and the rush of blood to your heart to try and keep it at a normal pace. 

Joaquin shook his head. “No, it’s not. You’ve done everything for everyone. They should have noticed. And I’m sorry for not noticing sooner.”

You just shook your head lightly, “It’s not your fault. I kept it hidden.”

“Why did you?”

You swallowed, looking down at his chest, your fingers tracing the letters on his t-shirt. “S’ easier, I guess. You get so used to being jumped over that eventually you stop being a hurdle.”

You could feel Joaquin’s hands on your back, his thumbs slowly tracing back and forth. 

“I have tried…before. I’ve tried talking to people, telling them about my day but then they’ve asked me to not tell them. Sometimes they’ll say they can’t handle it and that’s not their fault. So, I’ve kept it all to myself. And I know I can handle a lot. It’s not like other people’s problems are as big as what I’ve faced at work…it kinda just adds up. And I don’t know what to do after that.”

You took a breath, trying to steady yourself. 

“I know Sam’s asked me a few times to talk to him but I can’t seem to shake the guilt. He spends his entire time helping the world. You, too. I should be able to handle…all this. I know I’m only human but it just feels like…it feels like I’ve gotten this far. Why can’t I keep going?”

Joaquin was quiet when he spoke to you, his voice soft and without abruptness or judgement. 

“Because even the strongest humans need a break.” Joaquin pulled you a little closer to him. “You are extraordinary, and you’ve been there for everyone who has ever needed you. But you also need to take time for yourself. Your job is stressful enough without adding everyone else’s problems on top. And the fact that people have told not to talk…I am begging you, Y/n. Talk. Tell someone what’s going on. Talk to Sam, talk to me. I want to hear you. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it.”

For the first time, not only were you hearing someone say those words, but you were also hearing them mean it. 

“Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

Looking at him, you felt the tears come forward. And for the first time you didn’t fight them. Leaning up, you held onto Joaquin and he held you right back, tight to his chest. 

Joaquin felt the panic pass through you and eventually leave, he felt the tears falling onto his shirt and he just held you closer. You both knew you wouldn’t be ‘fixed’ at the end of the day, but that was something that helped. 

You’d felt yourself break once before and your family had noticed, but from their words and their hugs and their actions when you finally moved again, they expected you to be right back to normal. So you’d put the mask back on. 

But not now. 

You didn’t have to.

And for as scary as that was, it was also freeing. 

You and Joaquin talked some more after the tears had slowed and a silence had passed. And then he listened some more over breakfast. Eventually, he decided to stay a while longer. 

A week later, you finally got back into work. You had said you wanted to go back after three days but Joaquin had nearly tackled you back from the door. 

The first person you went to see was Sam. 

It was a long conversation but not a single ounce of it was judgemental. No words out of his mouth were telling you that you needed to apologise or that you needed to go back to ‘normal’. With a gentle hand on your back, he handed you a phone number of one of the veterans he used to help. They were now a licensed counsellor and therapist. 

“...and if you ever want to talk to someone who doesn’t know you, give ‘em a call. Sometimes it can be easier talking to a stranger.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

It was a process. Talking, dealing with the guilt, learning when to walk away. But it was helpful. Eventually your anxiety stopped spiking as high each time the phone rang, or it flashed with a notification. You didn’t feel like you needed to go someplace because someone needed you to. 

It was nice to feel wanted. 

“You okay?”

You looked up over the desk at Joaquin. Sam had left the room a few seconds ago, both of you shouting at him to leave Bucky and Sarah alone. He’d been caught stalking them at the grocery store the last time. But, like usual, he ignored you both. 

You smiled with a short nod. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“You mean it?”

The true smile remained on your face. “Yeah, I mean it.”

In the last few months, you’d come to find you couldn’t hide anything from Joaquin. Even if you lied, he’d know the truth. And he’d stop at nothing until you’d finally tell him as much. 

But you weren’t lying. You were really okay. 

“Wanna join me after work?”

“Where are you headed?”

“The Park. They’re showing a movie tonight. Thought you might wanna come with me.”

“Is anyone else going?”

Joaquin paused. “Not exactly.”

You just looked at him confused. 

“Kate’s probably gonna already be there and some of the others but I’m asking because I thought we could go…together.”

“Together?”

Joaquin nodded. “Kinda like a date. Or not a date, if you don’t want it to be. But it could be. Again, if you don’t want-”

You smiled, a little amused at his nervousness. The Falcon – a Captain in the Air Force and one of Captain America’s closest allies – Joaquin Torres rarely ever seemed nervous. But you found it cute. 

“I don’t mind it being a date.”

He looked up, a little like a deer caught in headlights. “You don’t?”

You shook your head. “I don’t.”

“So, it’s a date?” Joaquin smiled. 

You nodded with a smile of your own. “It’s a date.”

“Great.” Joaquin was trying his best to not let his excitement jump out of his skin. “I will pick you up at six.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Joaquin was walking out the door backwards, his eyes still on you. Which meant he crashed into the wall before looking behind him to step out of the door. You giggled a little, watching the embarrassment flood on his cheeks as he apologised to the wall before he disappeared down the hallway. 

And just as he had said, he knocked on your apartment door at six o’clock. You were just in casual clothes but he looked at you as if you were some kind of model. 

“You look beautiful.”

You felt yourself blush. “Thanks.”

“Ready to go?”

“Yep.”

Without a second thought, he took your hand in his as you headed down the hallway and into the elevator. And where it should have been awkward silence, it wasn’t. Because you talked. 

By the time you both got to the park, you were in a fit of laughter. You and Joaquin had found a spot just in front of a tree to lean against before you helped him flatten out the picnic blanket he’d brought with him. 

“My lady,” he presented you with the blanket fresh on the floor. 

“Why, thank you, kind Sir.”

And the movie played.

By the time the credits rolled, you were slowly falling asleep on his shoulder. And by the time you’d both made it back to your apartment, collapsing on the sofa, you’d both fallen asleep together watching an old re-run. 

Maybe people hadn’t stayed before. Maybe people hadn’t listened before. 

But Joaquin did. 

And would forever. 

[lilianne-tarot]

Pick-A-Card: If They Could Speak to you, This Is What They’d Say…‎✧˚₊‧

I know many of you are carrying unanswered questions from someone who disappeared, whether they ghosted, blocked, or drifted away. Just because they’re silent doesn’t mean they don’t feel something. This reading will reveal what they feel now, what they wish they could say, and the truth behind their silence. If you’ve been searching for closure, this might be exactly what your heart needs. This is a timeless reading.

How to Pick Your Pile: Take a deep breath, clear your mind, and look at the images above. Which one pulls you in the most? Trust your gut! Once you choose the image, The number below your chosen image is your pile. If more than one catches your eye, that just means there’s extra tea for you, go ahead and read both!

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જ⁀➴PILE I

Cards pulled: 10 of wands, the chariot, knight of pentacles, 9 of wands, 5 of cups.

Omg, lovely, I can already feel the weight of this situation. Your person is literally carrying the weight of regret on their back. I wouldn’t be surprised if they go about their day pretending everything is fine, but the moment they’re alone? Boom. The reality of what happened between you two slams them like a truck. This disconnection is heavy for them. There’s guilt, sadness, and this exhausting feeling of, “Did I seriously let this go? Did I mess this up beyond repair?” They’re haunted by what went down, but instead of dealing with it, they’re burying themselves in responsibilities, work, distractions, ANYTHING to avoid facing their own emotions.

And can we talk about the 9 of Wands real quick? Because this is telling me that even though they feel all this, they are STUBBORN AF about actually doing something about it. Like, they’re standing behind this emotional wall, peeking out every now and then like, “Should I reach out? Should I say something?” And then immediately retreating like, “Nah, can’t risk getting hurt again.” It’s this push-and-pull energy where they miss you like hell but are too scared to face what reconnecting would mean. It’s frustrating because I can FEEL their emotions bubbling under the surface, but their pride, fear, or past pain is making them act like they don’t care. They care. A LOT.

Are They Still Thinking About You? Oh, 1000%. This person might be hyper-fixating on work, hobbies, or even other people as a way to convince themselves they’re “over it,” but the gag is… they are NOT. This was a lesson in emotional growth, resilience, and learning to let go of what isn’t serving you. This wasn’t just a random breakup or separation, this was divinely orchestrated to push you BOTH into a new phase of life. Whether that’s healing, self-worth, or realizing that love isn’t meant to be this exhausting, this situation was meant to wake you up. The universe was like, “Okay, I’m gonna rip this band-aid off because y’all clearly aren’t doing it yourselves.” For them, this disconnection was supposed to teach them how to actually process emotions instead of avoiding them. For you? This was a test in knowing your own worth and not waiting around for someone to figure out theirs. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve already outgrown this situation in some ways. Like, you’re looking back and realizing that this person’s emotional immaturity, avoidance, or inability to take action was something you deserved better than.

Because right now, you’re The Chariot. You’re the one being pushed forward by the universe, stepping into your power, and realizing that you don’t have to keep carrying the emotional weight for someone who won’t even acknowledge theirs. I feel like if there’s a reconciliation, it’ll be one of those moments where they show up out of nowhere, suddenly ready to talk, but you’re already at peace with how things played out.

At the end of the day, bestie, the choice is yours. Do you want to wait and see if they finally grow up emotionally? Or do you want to fully step into your Chariot era and say, “If they wanted to, they would.” Whatever you choose, just know you are NOT the one who lost here. they are. The universe didn’t remove this person from your life to punish you, it did it because you deserve someone who isn’t emotionally constipated. Whether this person ever steps up or not, you’re already on the path to something bigger and better. Don’t let their slowness keep you stuck when you’re meant to soar. Period. 

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જ⁀➴PILE II

Cards pulled: 2 of cups, empress, 4 of cups, 3 of wands, 8 of wands

Let’s start with the 2 of Cups + 4 of Cups because, this is a whole messy situationship in their heart. On one hand, they KNOW what you two had was special. Like, deep down, this person still feels so connected to you, there’s love, attraction, and this magnetic pull they can’t explain. BUT, instead of embracing it, they’re in a situation which is like, “Ugh, I don’t know what to do with these feelings, so I’ll just pretend I don’t have them.” Make it make sense. This person is giving emotional avoidance at its finest. They’re sitting there thinking about you CONSTANTLY, yet they’re also refusing to act on it. Why? Pride? Fear? Stubbornness? Check, check, and check. This person is SO in their feelings, but they’d rather stare at their phone in silent suffering than send that “I miss you” text.

If you ever doubted your impact on this person, let me tell you right now—you are THE standard. The Empress energy is giving “no one else compares”, and trust me, they feel that. You weren’t just another person in their life; you were a whole universe, comfort, love, beauty, growth. They looked up to you, even if they never said it. And now? Now they’re sitting in that misery like, “Wait… did I actually fumble them? Did I just ruin the best thing I ever had?” And babe, the answer? Yes. Yes, they did. Instead of owning their feelings and reaching out like a normal person, they’re watching from the sidelines probably lurking your social media, let’s be real. It’s like they’re waiting for you to make the move, but at the same time, their ego is screaming, “No, don’t do it! Stay mysterious and suffer in silence!” The duality is strong.

Do they still think about you? LOL. the cards said said, “Let me be so serious right now.” YES, bestie, they think about you ALL THE TIME.

The 3 of Wands tells me they’re waiting, but for what?? A sign? Divine intervention? A carrier pigeon with your message? SERIOUSLY, this person has a very princess energy ( i mean it sarcastically🫠)  It’s like they’re standing at the edge of a cliff, looking out into the distance, wondering if you’ll come back, BUT THEY WON’T MAKE THE MOVE. They’re definitely thinking about reaching out, but they’re terrified of rejection, of things not going how they want, of you realizing you deserve better (which you do, btw). This person is itching to talk to you. Like, the urge to break the silence is REAL, but their fear of vulnerability is holding them hostage. They want that fast, passionate, “let’s fix this” conversation, but at the same time, they don’t know how to start it. So instead, they overthink, procrastinate,

For you, this was about realizing your worth, stepping into your Empress energy and knowing that you don’t have to chase love or beg for emotional availability. You’re learning that if someone isn’t showing up fully and completely, they aren’t worth your energy. For them? This was a harsh lesson in what happens when you take something beautiful for granted. They had the 2 of Cups connection in their hands, and instead of nurturing it, they let their own fears, ego, and hesitation sabotage it. Now, they’re left staring at their phone, wondering why it feels like something’s missing. (Spoiler: It’s you.)

It depends on them. The 8 of Wands is the biggest clue here, IF they find the courage to reach out, this could move FAST. Like, once the dam breaks, expect texts, calls, maybe even some dramatic love confession energy. BUT, and this is a huge but, are they actually ready to show up for you the way you deserve? Because if they come back with the same inconsistent, emotionally avoidant energy, then babe… NEXT. 

The universe didn’t make you go through this pain just for you to settle for half-assed love. If they step up, if they come back genuinely ready to make this work, then cool. But if they’re just coming back because they’re lonely and miss your warmth? You already know the answer.

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જ⁀➴PILE III .

Cards pulled: temperance, queen of swords, 3 of swords, death, lovers

Omg, buckle up, bestie, because this reading is major. Three out of five cards are Major Arcana? Yeah, this isn’t some casual, “Oh, we drifted apart” situation. And I’m already getting chills.

First off, yes, this person still thinks about you. Like, a lot. But here’s the twist: their thoughts are a mix of regret, self-defense, and straight-up emotional exhaustion. I’m seeing someone who’s torn between wanting to reach out and knowing that doing so might just reopen wounds they aren’t ready to face. This is giving heavy "I messed up but I don’t know how to fix it" energy, mixed with a sprinkle of "but also, am I even ready to?" vibes.

Let’s talk about the situation here, because ouch. This was not a simple falling-out. This was heartbreak in its purest form. Whether it was betrayal, a painful truth, or just the gut-wrenching realization that you two couldn’t continue as you were, this was an ending that HURT. The kind that still lingers, even if you try to act like it doesn’t. And the thing is? This connection had to break apart. The universe literally forced this transformation on both of you. Death isn’t just about loss, it’s about endings that lead to major rebirth. Whether you wanted to or not, this separation changed you both. This person sees you as someone who’s balanced, mature, and, dare I say it, lowkey intimidating. Like, you’re in your healed era (or at least you seem like you are), and they don’t even know how to approach you anymore. There’s a sense of, “Would they even give me the time of day?” but also, “I know I need to be on my best behavior if I even think about coming back.” It’s like they know they can’t play the same games or bring the same energy they did before.

And The Lovers? Whew. This is deep. On a soul level, this connection was REAL. Like, cosmic contract, past-life, meant-to-be-a-lesson kind of real. Whether that means “meant to be together” or “meant to change each other’s lives” is another question, but the bond? Unbreakable. Even in separation, you two are still energetically linked.

So, what’s the truth they’re not saying? I’m getting that they regret something big, possibly a choice they made, something they said, or maybe just how they handled the situation as a whole. But their pride (or fear) is stopping them from admitting it. There’s also a level of stubbornness here. Like, they don’t want to come back unless they’re sure they’ll be received well. They don’t want to be vulnerable unless they know it’s safe. Why did this happen from a higher perspective? Because, bestie, you needed to step into your power. The Queen of Swords isn’t here by accident. This situation forced you to set boundaries, demand better, and step into your own clarity. You’re wiser now, sharper, and honestly? You won’t tolerate the same nonsense anymore. The universe was like, “Let me remove this person so you can actually step into the next version of yourself.” And whether they realize it or not, they were also meant to learn something from you. They may not have grown as much as you (yet), but your impact on them? Unforgettable.

So… reconciliation? Here’s the thing: It’s possible, but it wouldn’t be the same. If they were to come back, they’d have to be a whole new version of themselves, and honestly? You might not even want them anymore once you fully step into your power. This isn’t about waiting around for them, it’s about knowing that you’re on a completely new path, and if they can’t meet you at your level? That’s their loss.

Final advice? Trust this transformation. Even if it hurts, even if you miss them, know that this ending was a divine redirection towards something so much better. Whether that means a renewed version of this relationship or a completely new chapter, either way, you’re leveling up, and that’s the real takeaway here.

Sending you all the love, bestie. And remember, you’re THAT person. Don’t let anyone make you forget it. ✨

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[luveline]

Ur emergency medicine doctor!reader x Hotch blurb changed my life.. can i request either a hurt/comfort part 2 where their busy schedules kinda get too much and all reader needs is hotch but he can’t be there Or…… or… one where someone from the team ends up at reader’s emergency department (nothing too serious) and she treats them? Thank you thank you!!!!!

thank you for requesting ❤︎

“Spencer Reid, what did you do?” you ask, pulling aside the curtain with a whack. 

He grimaces at you. “Nothing! I didn’t do anything, I just got shot!” 

You grimace back. “Jesus, honey, I’m sorry. How’s the pain?” 

“Better now they’ve stitched me back together.” 

“Really?” 

“No!” 

You push up your sleeves and take a look at Spencer’s thigh. You’re careful —in his hospital gown, you’re one good pull from seeing his unmentionables. Not that that seems to be a concern as he winces in pain. “Had tylenol?” you ask. 

“Yep.” 

“They did a nice job with the stitches. Came out the back of your leg?” 

“Yep.” 

“Okay. How’s your head?” 

“Hurting.” 

You aren’t a fan of his one word answers, but you aren’t sure what can be done to help him if he’s not gonna have the strong stuff. And you don’t blame him. He has to do what he needs to do, you just wish there was more you could do now to help him along. “Well, at least I didn’t have to do your stitches. Wounds pretty close to your artery, but you know that already…” You swallow. “Uh, how–”

“He’s fine.” 

“Yeah? I did look at the admissions, but you know he– never answers the phone when I need him to,” you say, squeezed. You obviously hate that Spencer’s been shot, but it’s a relief to know Aaron stayed out of the firefight. You’ve pictured him a hundred different ways since you saw it on the news. You know intimately how hurt people can really be. 

You sigh. “Spencer, sorry. Um. Okay, so, you know we don’t always stitch up wounds like this because of the risk of infection, so you’re gonna have to be super careful with this, you have to keep it clean. But any complications at all are ones we can treat, and, you know, you have my number.”

“It must be hard, not seeing each other for so long.” 

You give him a grateful look. “It’s really hard. Harder when I know he’s so close to danger. But I trust his capabilities, just like I trust yours, and I’m gonna give you this packet of wound care and I’m gonna tell you that you can go home tonight only if you promise me you’ve read it before then.”

Aaron arrives a few hours later, and you’re not upset when he gives you a quick, quick kiss and says, “What room is he in, honey?” Absconding as swiftly as he arrived. You finish up some paperwork at your computer behind the reception desk and wait achingly for him to come back out. It takes twenty minutes, but he appears again with one less bag and a look of relief that threatens to floor you. 

“Hello,” he says, less urgent, more doting, stopping with his shoes pressed against yours. 

“Hey, Hotchner.”

“Nineteen days,” he says. 

“Felt like a thousand.” 

“It did, didn’t it?” he asks, bringing a hand to your cheek. It should be rough. You smile at the way he brushes it along your face to hold you under the ear. 

“You okay?”

He nods. You’re not sure he’s telling the truth, it’s a jerking, stiff thing, but he’s not faking when he brings his face down to kiss you. Just once on the lips, then up to your cheekbone, where he rubs his nose so hard it nearly hurts.

“Thank you for looking after Spencer.” 

“I didn’t, actually, that was Deb. Just been keeping him stocked on tylenol and jelly.” 

“When can I look after you?” he asks. “Finishing at midnight?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“I’ll come pick you up.” 

“It’ll be too late,” you lament. Once you get home and he picks you up, that’ll be nearing one in the morning, even if he gets there early for you. 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll come and get you anyway. I need to see you.” 

You drop your face into his collar and breathe. He does more of that nose-rubbing into your skin, stirring your stomach with every pass, worse when his thumb travels from just under your ear to across your throat. If you weren’t in an alcove away from your patients, you’d be steaming with embarrassment. Here, you’re tempted to let your teeth drag against his skin through a kiss he has no business receiving. “Can’t believe you haven’t come to see me for so long. You hate me.” 

“I don’t hate you, honey. I’m sorry. I’m gonna make it up to you.” 

You pull away. He cups the back of your head. “You promise?” 

He hears the neediness in your voice. You don’t wanna be in charge, don’t want to be the one saving people. You both need to go home and lock up in bed like pathetic little worm people, boneless and sweet on each other. 

His smile is loving and bemused at once. “Cross my heart.” 

[girlbeyondthegrave]

THINGS I NOTICED WHILE WATCHING BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE AGAIN:

This is a very Beetlebabes-centric post, so if you don’t like the ship, please feel free to scroll away. <3

Beetlejuice cut Delores’ ring finger off, and while it was originally a fun joke in the first movie, there’s deep implications about that action when we look at it with the context of the second film. Beetlejuice attacked her after she betrayed him. Anyone would want to kill the person that poisoned them, but the fact that he took the time to find her finger and deliberately cut her ring finger off (and ONLY that finger) reflects how much that marriage meant to him. It also symbolizes that he’s effectively dissolving their marriage. He’s cut off the physical representation of their love and taken the ring, which he tries to give to Lydia hundreds of years later. He held onto that ring for centuries in hopes of finding someone he deemed worthy of it.

He calls his dynamic with Lydia a long-distance relationship, which could’ve been a throwaway joke if not for the fact that when he clearly notices how hot Janet is, he never talks to her or gropes her like he did with Barbara prior to meeting Lydia. Keaton said BJ wouldn’t be politically correct, so this isn’t to reflect the current political climate, but rather to reflect BJ’s motivations.

Beetlejuice was jobless at the start of the first movie, and in thirty years he’s built a company for his bio-exorcisms. Coupled with the picture of Lydia on his desk, it’s possible he did this to impress her. After all, she’s famous and rich now. BJ’s gotta step it up, y’know?

Probably overheard the convo between Lydia and Rory and deliberately bugged her at that time, because if he can possess the phone or whatever, he can probably use it to eavesdrop. This can be further supported by how he got rid of the influencers but kept the people that mattered to Lydia present—Delia and Astrid.

We can also assume he overheard the conversation where Lydia said that Rory loves her and that has to be enough because of the panning to a gravestone. BJ has a special fascination with graveyards, even tiny model ones. If he did overhear them, it explains why he used the truth serum on Rory. He’s testing him. He wants to see if this guy actually loves Lydia or if he’s using her, and then he gives Lydia the means to exact revenge on Rory rather than doing anything himself.

Lydia spends half the movie being strong -armed into a marriage with Rory, and in a way, it’s reminiscent of the first movie’s marriage attempt. Rory dangles their “love” in front of her like a carrot, and if she doesn’t want to be alone, she has to accept his manipulation and agree to get married. Yet she immediately offers it to Beetlejuice, only sounding annoyed rather than terrified. And the movie spends a lot of time proving that BJ has sincere motives this time around, whereas Rory doesn’t. It pushes an underlying message that if one of these guys is going to be a better choice, it’ll be BJ.

Despite Lydia having a tendency to back out of their deals, he still helps her first. He prioritizes saving Astrid even before finding his “runaway bride” again.

Casually calls Lydia the love of his life, looks so sincere when he says he’ll make her so happy. Clearly spent those 30 years planning that dream-dance sequence.

He doesn’t seem to care that Lydia’s sending him away. That coupled with the end scene illustrates how confident he is this time around. Lydia is still stuck with him, and even if he didn’t get her this time, he will eventually. But he also knows how spooked she is by marriage after being a snoop, so it’s possible that he’s just taking it slow on purpose.

In conclusion: Beetlejuice genuinely does want to be with Lydia and care about her. His feelings have evolved beyond permanent residence in the mortal world. If anything, if he still wants that, it’s so he can be by her side.

[neoheros]

there are very little things in this world that sakusa deems valuable enough to not risk – his game, his career, his reputation, his name.

he isn’t a gambler but he is an athlete and when you’re in his shoes, playing in the big leagues, thousands of people watching, looking, judging, there are a lot of risks you have to look out for.

he has to be quiet, polite, say the right thing, say it in the right tone, say it in the right time, otherwise, he risks his job and reputation.

he has to be focused, agile, ready for any change in the volleyball world the minute - the second - it happens, otherwise, he risks getting left behind, getting replaced by someone better, newer than him.

he has to be a lot of things and the risks of not being any of it puts him in a corner - cold and confining.

all of it, he hates with a passion, he hates with an effort. so he doesn’t take any risks at all. not when it comes to his game, his career, his reputation, his name.

but you – you are probably the riskiest person he has ever met.

i mean, you guys work together for god’s sake. it’s an HR crisis waiting to happen. it puts everything he’s worked hard for at risk — his game, his career, his reputation, his name.

but still.

you always know the right things to say to him, always know the right time he’s gonna be there or the right place to sit where he sees you so clearly even in the middle of the court.

everytime you talk to him, everytime you touch him, everytime you say his name or bring him coffee, everytime you watch him play or everytime he sees you outside of work — there is a feeling in his chest and he almost hates it.

“there’s a new ramen restaurant in miyagi that i’ve been wanting to try…” sakusa clears his throat, standing a few inches away from the lockers as everyone gets their shoes on.

it’s a little bit after 4pm, practice for the day had just ended, and well, meian always tells him he needed to socialize more with the rest of the group.

the locker room is stuffy and sweaty and to be honest, he’s never really been fond of the smell wafting in the air, so he always makes it a point to be the first one out the door after he’s done changing.

today though, he stays, hangs around everybody, and even if he hates it, he goes, “does anyone want to come with me tonight?”

hinata looks up at him from his shoes, “sorry omi, gotta take natsu to the dentist after practice, i dunno how long it’ll take us.”

he gives hinata a short nod — that’s fine.

“kaashi and i are seeing a movie around 7, but next time, man, i promise.” bokuto says, his hand on his neck, apologetic, almost.

another nod — that’s fine, too.

well, at least now, sakusa couldn’t say he didn’t try to socialize more. it’s the preferable outcome for him anyway, he’s better going off on it alone.

atsumu’s voice tears him away from his thoughts, loud and too cheerful for someone who just performed 4 diving laps, “i could go with ya, omi!”

and out of instinct, he replies “no, thank you.”

his blond teammate looks like he’s gonna say something after his response but you speak before he gets the chance to.

“well, i don’t mind coming, omi.” you say, and he blinks - how long have you been there?

there’s a knot in his stomach. “tonight?”

(he thinks, please say no, please say no, please say no.)

you nod at him, “it’s gonna be snowing so some ramen would be perfect.”

he nods at you - unable to say anything else, really - and he clears his throat, looking at atsumu, who he’s now just been really appreciative of for existing all of a sudden.

“then it will be you, me, and miya?” he asks, and he wants to keep his voice quiet now, untrusting of it.

(in the corner of his eye, he sees hinata step on atsumu’s foot and he goes “ow, whaddya do that for!” bokuto gives him a look, similar to the one hinata has, and atsumu catches on.)

sakusa gives the three of them a warning look, begging, actually begging, anyone who’d listen in that silly head of his for them not to do anything stupid.

“sorry man,” atsumu flashes him a grin, and he feels his knees go weak. “i forgot i had some plans tonight, i don’t think i’ll be able to go.”

lord, forgive sakusa kiyoomi for he’s gonna kill somebody.

he wants to say something, but before he could, you beat him to it.

“perfect.” you smile, “more for us then. right, omi?”

sakusa swallows the lump in his throat, and gives you a short nod, “yeah.”

you gather your things in your hand, “i’ll come over to your place, then?”

(words that make his knees feel even weaker.)

another nod. “yes, that’s fine.”

and he regains his composure, the worst of it over, but before you turn to leave, you flash him another one of your smiles, and he wishes you would just go so he can feel his pulse return to normal again.

“it’s a date.” you say, and you’re out the door.

sakusa’s face has a whisper of a light pinkishness to it and unable to think about it too much, he blames it on the open window letting the cold in.

the second the door closes, the locker room erupts in cheers, “way to go, omi!” “you’re going on a date!” and “it’s finally happening!”

there’s a knot in his stomach, and atsumu claps him on his back.

he rolls his eyes at the group, shaking his head as he whispers something along the lines of “whatever” or “its not a big deal.”

but his face feels hot and his pulse feels like its drumming against his skin, but, he can blame that on the cold too.

the sun goes down quicker than sakusa hoped it would, it’s 6:47pm now and you’ll be arriving in no later than 13 minutes.

he takes a good look at his apartment, ransacked and messy, the complete opposite of its usual state.

there’s a knock on his door and he feels his heart beat out of his chest at the sound.

he opens it with a fervor, “i asked you to come 30 minutes ago.”

“it’s a 30 minute walk.” behind the door is atsumu, sheepish smile on his face, hands shoved into his pockets as he pushes past the brunette and into the apartment.

“woah, this place is a mess.” atsumu says aloud, even him surprised at the disarray.

“i didn’t know what to wear.” sakusa admits, and he feels embarrassment course through his skin.

“i’ll say.” the blond replies, but he doesn’t tease. “you alright, omi?”

sakusa sighs – he really isn’t. his nerves are killing him and there’s an intense nervousness that pools in his belly. you make him nervous, did you know that?

“maybe i should cancel.” he says, and he looks at himself in the mirror again — coat, scarf, gloves, check, check, check.

“what? don’t do that.” atsumu shakes his head, “it’s five minutes ‘til 7.”

he’s probably right, sakusa thinks, you’re probably on your way by now, and even with the chilling weather outside, he feels way too hot for his own good.

he takes off his gloves to alleviate some of the warmth, placing it on his dresser as he paces.

“you’re an asshole, right?” sakusa says suddenly, “punch me in the face, take me to the ER, and i will reschedule whatever this night is to when i’m readier.”

(he doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready, to be honest.)

“even if i do really want to punch you in the face right now, that is so not gonna happen.”

“being your friend is useless to me.”

“yet, i’m the one you called over here.”

the doorbell rings and the both of them freeze in their places, sakusa looks over to the clock and how is it 7 already? and must you be on time for everything?

you’re already here and his place is a mess and atsumu freaking miya is standing in the middle of his apartment.

he says the first thing he can think of, “hide.”

atsumu looks at him, “what?”

he insists, “hide now.”

“are ya nuts? your apartment is a shoebox, where the hell am i hiding in here?” atsumu shakes his head, and he follows sakusa’s eyes in response as he tilts his body to look over to the bed.

“no fuckin way, nuh uh.” he backs away, “i am not hiding under there.”

the doorbell rings again and atsumu feels the nerves getting to him too.

“please. i’ll owe you.”

and atsumu wants to say no - really, he does - he’s not some teenager caught with his pants down and has to be stashed away under a bed, but sakusa looks at him in a way that makes him unrecognizable.

sakusa may not know it, but everyone can tell, every single one of them on the team knows, just how much this means to him.

(after all, the only people in msby black jackals who don’t know that sakusa likes you are sakusa and you.)

so he relents, and he gets on his knees near the bed before he scurries off under it. “you so owe me for this.”

sakusa feels embarassed – ashamed, really. he’s actually invested in this - in this date, and he wishes he was kidding, but he’s not, and he hates it.

he opens the door, and you’re there, and it’s always nice to see you outside of work.

“hi.” he says, and he doesn’t know what else to say.

“hi.” you say back, and for a second, it’s quiet.

another second passes, “can i come in?”

and he wants to kick himself, “yes. of course.”

“it’s freezing tonight.” you make polite small talk, “good thing i wore my coat.”

“it looks nice.” he nods, and he is grateful you don’t say anything about the mess of his apartment. it takes him another beat to realize what he said, and he feels embarrassed, although he doesn’t know why, so he follows up, “the coat.”

he wants to hit himself. he sounds like he’s just talking about the coat.

“you as well.” he says again. “not just the coat, i meant to say. you and the coat are nice looking. both of you.” he wants to stop talking – why is he still talking?

he looks at you, “where’d you - uh - buy it?”

great, now he sounds like he wants to take the fucking coat.

there’s a sound almost like snickering coming from under the bed but before you could look over to it sakusa clears his throat again.

“i’m ready to go,” he says suddenly, “are you?”

you haven’t been able to get a word in all night it seems, but it makes you smile - amused, and you nod, “yes.”

the night starts off okay, it’s quiet though, and he thinks, are dates supposed to be quiet?

“you okay there, omi?” you break the silence, and he wonders if you can tell what he’s been thinking.

“yeah.” a short reply, “just cold.”

you nod, “ah.”

in an effort to keep the conversation going, and the sudden realization that he may be the reason why it’s such a quiet evening, he looks to the side, and tells you, as the two of you walk the pavement to the train station:

“i forgot my gloves.”

there’s a pink hue on his ears, and he’s grateful you don’t tease him about it.

you stop walking for a moment, so he stops too.

he watches you as you work, taking the left glove on your hand off and he says nothing when you ask him to give you his left hand.

“here.” you slip on your left glove on his left hand, and it’s a snug fit, but it is warm.

then you say, “do you mind?”

and he doesn’t know what you’re talking about until you put your - now, ungloved - left hand to his -also, ungloved - right hand. fingers interlacing.

“this way, it’ll stay warm, don’t you think?”

he doesn’t trust his voice and he’s more grateful for the snow now as he finds it being his excuse for how red his ears are getting. he can only nod his head, keeping his nose tucked in under his scarf.

his lips tremble and he’s not so sure if it’s from the cold or from you.

sakusa doesn’t gamble. he doesn’t like the risks of it all. he always feels there’s always gonna be too much to lose rather than gaining anything beneficial for him.

so no – there are very little things in the world he cares enough about for him to risk anything for.

“better?” you say, and he tries harder to focus on your voice rather than your warm hand.

“yes.”

you smile and he thinks it’s really nice. “so, why was atsumu under your bed?”

his face feels hot now, his first instinct to deny that there ever was any man named atsumu under his bed, but he knows that look you’re giving him, and he knows it would be pointless to lie.

still, he doesn’t know what to say to you.

“omi?”

but then again, he never knows what to say to you.

“… i asked him to come help me get ready.”

you tilt your head, “get ready for?”

the silence becomes your answer and sakusa feels his face burn. it feels like embarrassment – but it also feels like something else.

“oh.”

and unexpectedly, you laugh, and when he hears it, for the first time all evening, his nerves finally cool on him, and he laughs too.

you bump your shoulders with his, playful, “if it helps to know, i was nervous too.”

“because of me?” he doesn’t really believe you, he doesn’t think anything can make someone like you nervous, but you, on the other hand, make him nervous all the time.

“well, you don’t really talk to me at work,” you shrug, your voice sounding teasing, “i didn’t think you liked me all that much, to be honest.”

“sorry.” he says in quiet laughter, and he can’t bring himself to look at you.

you look at him though, and he wishes that you wouldn’t. he can hear the smile in your voice still, “for what?”

“for this shitty date.”

that makes you laugh even more and he feels like it’s gonna make him fall over.

“well, we haven’t even gotten to the restaurant yet so jury’s still out on whether it’s shitty or not.” you squeeze his hand, teasing.

(and he rolls his eyes, nerves gone, and feeling much better now that he’s talking to you.)

you are probably the riskiest person he’s ever met. you put everything on the line.

by all things considered, he should stay far, far away from you — you jeopardize it all, you could take all he’s ever worked for away.

but everytime you talk to him, everytime you touch him, everytime you say his name or bring him coffee — there is a feeling in his stomach that envelops his entire body and the corner he’s been backed into doesn’t feel as cold or as confining.

you smile at him and he wants it all: he wants to wake up next to you, he wants to fall asleep and you’re the last person he sees, he wants to drive you to work and he wants you to come home with him after the day is over.

“besides,” you say, and the snow may be cold, but his face feels warm.

your voice is soft, “you can just keep taking me on them until we get it right.”

the risk is you could take everything he’s ever worked for, his game, his career, his reputation, his name. but you smile at him and your hand is warm against his and your laugh feels like it’s gonna make him fall over, and he thinks, okay — take it all, it’s already yours anyway.

[hallowxiu]

How the Brothers Would Deal with MC's Mortality

Mammon:

You casually brought it up as a joke

Probably something like “i’m here for a good time, not a long time” or “why should i care what happens in 100 years? It’s not like i’ll be around to care”

Would probably confuse Mammon at first as to why you wouldn’t be around, but he would put the pieces together in the middle of the night when trying to sleep.

A whole, eyes snapping wide opening and flinging out of his bed kind of moment.

Mammon would worry himself sick

Yes, he knows humans can die, hell, he used to mock you for being so frail when you first came to the Devildom, but now? 

Well, now things are different. How he feels about you is different

He's spending all his money on ways to keep you kicking longer. 

Anything he can think of that’ll help, he’s buying it. Vegetables, fruits, protein powder, comfortable clothes, a nice pillow, vitamins, shampoos- anything. He has no idea where to start, so he just starts grabbing everything. 

I mean, something will have to help, right? 

If you notice he looks panicked, don’t point it out, it’ll only make it worse. Unless you want to be smothered to death from his affection and worry, then by all means. ;)

Leviathan:

Look, he can barely handle his favorite anime characters dying, so you? Yeah, no, that’s way too much. 

Nothing actually popped up to remind Leviathan of your mortality, it was because of Satan throwing his books all around the house that did it. 

Suddenly, it was all he could think about. How did he not think of this before? 

Leviathan is no Satan though, and he’s certainly not Lucifer. Researching medical documents and trying to think of things to keep you alive longer are a little over his head. That being said, there were some things he could do.

Leviathan dove into his own research that would be within his realm of understanding, studying that humans who have more positive mindsets and who are less exposed to depressing forms of media, may live longer than the average person. This- this was something he could work with. 

Suddenly, you were constantly being invited to his room, Leviathan having a variety of slice-of-life anime for you to watch with him, all of which had happy endings to boot. If an anime was even remotely depressing, he made sure to keep that out of reach. 

Video games? He’s keeping it safe; he’s not risking anything here. If it’s not similar to Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing, Dreamlight Valley, or The Sims (which must be on a good day), you’re just not playing it. Kingdom Hearts if you’re lucky. 

Satan:

Would do an insane amount of research 

Likely overheard the topic on a news segment about the tragically short lifespans of humans before it all clicked together.

Satan, unlike the other brothers, has never experienced death before, so while it sounds silly, he never had reason to think of you dying.

Looks up humans who had long lifespans to see how he can implement those things into your lifestyle.

Books will be littered everywhere (although that’s not really unusual, but what is would be the topic of said books- The Long Lives of Humans, Human Lifestyle for Dummies 101, The Road to Human Immortality, etc. etc.)

This is when Satan learns just how easy it is for a human to kick the bucket.

Heart attacks, brain aneurysms, strokes, seizures, cancer, the list goes on and on and it’s starting to scare him. He didn’t know humans could just drop dead. 

He’s going to start researching curses to increase your lifespan, or at the very least he’s going to make sure you’re careful as hell. 

You won’t even get as much as a cut without him being aware of it; he’s going to hover around and mother hen the absolute shit out of you. 

Try not to get too annoyed with him though, it all stems from good intentions. 

Asmodeus:

He’ll be damned if his shopping partner for life is going to die on him.

Asmo isn’t stupid; if anything he’s pretty emotionally aware. He's known for a long time just how short the lifespan of humans is.

But still, it came in the form of a nightmare. One where he couldn’t save you, despite giving his best efforts. The way you died was tragic, long before your life should have ended. 

This sent Asmo somewhat into a frenzied state trying to find things to keep you alive once he woke up. 

Vitamins, vitamins, vitamins

Humans benefit from vitamins, right? Surely you’d benefit from Devildom vitamins then. If it’ll increase the lifespan of a demon, he sees no reason why it wouldn’t increase your lifespan. 

Of course, it really only gives you nicer nails and shinier hair. 

He’s 10x more intense with your morning and night routines. 

He will be unloading all his facial creams on you, and telling you the benefits of each one and how it might add a few years to your lifespan. 

You want to stay up late at night to finish homework? Maybe watch a movie? Yeah, no, not on Asmo’s watch. 

Your ass is going to bed every night at 10pm, right along with him. You do realize you’ll be getting exactly 8 hours of sleep each night, too, right? 

Beelzebub:

Regarding his trauma with Lilith, it came as no surprise when he started to fret over your well-being. 

Poor Beel saw an article that discussed how tragically easy it is for a human to die. The cherry on top? How they could die from simply overeating. 

Overeating isn’t a concept Beel is overly familiar with (because to him, it’s never overeating), and while he knew most people couldn’t keep up with his eating habits, he didn’t think it could actually cause harm to a human, let alone kill them. 

Grocery trips are now a more anxiety-inducing event. 

He’s suddenly paranoid that any of the Devildom food could and will kill you. Are you allergic to anything? How would you even know? 

What if one day he serves you his favorite boiled dragonhead and you just drop dead at the dinner table?? No, that will never do. 

There’s a list of Devildom foods that he knows for sure you can have without dying, but then comes the issue of portion control. How much is too much for a human? 

Beelzebub swore he would never lose another loved one again, and it’s a promise he intends to keep. From now on, you will only eat what he deems safe. 

You want to try a new food in the Devildom that you’ve never had before? You better get some seriously good convincing skills if you want him to cave in. For someone who only ever thinks with his stomach, he’s surprisingly stubborn. 

Belphegor:

He’s still plagued with nightmares about Lilith, especially since he still thinks it’s his fault. Tack that on to the way he blamed you and the rest of the human race for it? The man is walking trauma. 

 Like Asmodeus, this was brought on by nightmares about you dying. Different from Asmo’s, however, you usually died by his hand. Naturally, considering your tumultuous history. 

Belphegor, unlike his brothers, takes a different approach. He just doesn’t approach you at all. 

What better way to keep your lifespan long than by staying away from you altogether? 

Is it something that he wants? Of course not! But how can he trust himself to never hurt you again? To never kill you again. 

He can’t. 

So, he locks himself away in his room, sleeping most of the day or just avoiding the areas you normally like to lounge. 

On a normal day, almost everyone in the household, including yourself, would notice this behavior change. However, since you’re now being cornered by all the brothers and their concerns about your lifespan, it’s easy for Belphegor’s absence to slip your mind. 

This hurts Belphegor, but at the end of the day, he believes this is for the best.

Lucifer: 

Lucifer didn’t need a reminder of your short lifespan; if anything, it’s something he’s thought plenty about. 

Lucifer has trauma, we all know that much. After Lilith, he’s absolutely terrified of losing another loved one to something outside of his control.

And your lifespan is not something that’s out of his control. At least not how he sees it, anyway. 

If you thought he was overbearing or overprotective before, brace yourself. He’s going to step it up several notches. 

No excess of junk food, no more pulling all-nighters, no more sitting around the house gaming all day, and definitely no more overexerting your use of magic. He’s no fool, he knows the toll your magic could eventually take on your body. 

Honestly? He wasn’t this bad until his brothers started to panic about your mortality, and though Lucifer told himself he was above such nonsense, he quickly found himself taking all the precautions they were taking (and then some). 

Fortunately, if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, they’ll be more than willing to listen to you (granted you take some of their concerns into account).

[pure-smut]

infatuated.

featuring: Ryomen Sukuna x f!reader

contains: college!Sukuna, size kink, Sukuna has a huge dick (obvs), riding, obsessive behaviour from Sukuna at the end

note: all characters are aged up to 18+!

word count: 1.8k

series: 1. infatuated | 2. obsessed | 3. addicted | 4. toxic | 5. feral

masterlist

MDNI | 18+ content

Ryomen Sakuna is well-known around campus – big, brutish, the most arrogant man to walk the planet. But if whispers amongst the girls were anything to go by, he’s also a damn good fuck.

It’s why you, fresh off the anti-climactic evaporation of a sub-par situationship that had no right to make you feel as glum as you do, have the sudden desire to fuck Sukuna.

You’re in a club, drowning your sorrows with your friends, when you lock eyes with him across the room. It’s not hard – he’s a head and a half taller than everyone else. But he doesn’t look away. And, you realise, neither do you.

Yeah, he might be a walking red flag. Yeah, you might be bitter and sad over a failed not-relationship. But it’s not like you’re fucking his personality, right? Just one good night. Just one really, really good fuck. Then you can wake up tomorrow, satisfied and ready to move on.

You down your drink and stalk over to him. Time to put those whispers to the test. *

Okay, maybe there’s some truth to the rumours.

One quick drink and a cab ride later, Sukuna has you on his lap, straddling his thighs as you make out on his sofa. He’s so big your legs are basically spread for him already, slotted on either side of his thighs as his hands grope your ass shamelessly.

He didn’t say much to you when you asked him to come home with you. Only a grin played on his lips as he grabbed your hand and said, “No. You’re coming to mine.”

You hadn’t expected him to be such a good kisser though. Your hands card through the pink hair at the nape of his neck as he slides his tongue over yours. Even with you on top of him, you know he’s actually the one in control. He dictates the pace, the speed, everything. Where your previous situationship had demanded that you do all the work, this relinquishing of control feels good. Freeing. You melt into it and into him, pressing your chest against his.

When Sukuna feels you relax, he pushes your dress up past your hips. One large finger hooks onto your panties from behind, pulling them to the side. Without breaking the kiss, he dips his free finger between your folds, checking how wet you are. You gasp at the sudden feel of his calloused finger but Sukuna quickly swallows it. At the feel of your slick arousal, his cock throbs.

“So wet already,” he murmurs, pulling his mouth back only slightly. “Just from kissing?”

Your cheeks burn but you’re distracted by a thick finger prodding your entrance. You gasp lightly and push your hips back, seeking more. Sukuna chuckles.

“I knew you were needy when you threw yourself at me tonight but still…” He grins. “You really do need a good fuck.”

“S-shut up,” you manage to stammer out but Sukuna only laughs.

He withdraws his hand and you have to supress a whine. Instead he undoes his jeans and pulls his cock free. It slaps against your stomach, hard and hot. When you look down at it, your eyes widen. Sukuna smirks – he always loves the look a girl gives him when she sees his cock for the first time.

“I don’t… I don’t know if it’ll fit.” You swallow past the lump in your throat. It’s so big, you want to say but you don’t want to feed his ego any more than necessary.

“That’s why you’re on top, baby.” Sukuna gives an easy grin. “You probably won’t be able to take it all so just do whatever you can.”

His condescending tone makes you frown. You jut your chin out defiantly. Oh, I’ll take it all, you think to yourself. Smug bastard.

You raise your hips, hovering over his fat mushroom tip. You’re already wet but he hasn’t even fingered you to prep you so you know you need to go slow. But determination courses through you. Sukuna watches you, one eyebrow cocked in amusement, as you look down in concentration. Slowly, you sink down onto his cock.

Your nails dig into the thick muscle of his shoulders as you leverage yourself. The stretch is immense but it’s delicious too – a heady mix of burning pleasure. Sukuna puts his hands behind his head, a self-assured smile on his lips as he watches you. He loves this part – loves watching girls struggle to fit him inside them. It makes his ego swell as much as his cock.

You manage a few inches before you have to stop, sweat already glazing your brow. You reach down to play with your clit, making yourself as wet as possible. Sukuna bites his bottom lip as he watches you play with yourself, a third of his cock buried inside you. You feel him throb and it only spurs you on, your pussy drooling around him, stretching to accommodate him.

“You look pretty fucking hot like this,” Sukuna admits, bringing one hand forward to grope your tit. “You need some help, baby?”

You’re too busy concentrating to speak so you give a short nod. Sukuna tweaks your nipple, rolling it between his fingers in a way that shoots sparks through your whole body. You tip your head back and gasp, feeling yourself tumbling closer to an orgasm. Even though he’s not fully inside you, his cock is managing to rub against your walls in a way that makes your eyes rolls back.

Sukuna has to admit he’s enjoying himself. The sight of you making yourself cum on his cock is pornographic and your pussy is squeezing him so tight. He has to fight to urge not to thrust up. Instead, he roughly plays with your tits, enjoying the way your nipples stiffen under his touch. Your body is so responsive to him, so ready for him. Your gummy walls massage his cock in a way that makes him want to go feral. Every muscle in his body is taut as a bowstring, restraining himself.

You open your eyes to see the hunger in his face, a notch between his brows and his lips slightly parted, eyes intense. A thrill runs up your spine. You want to see him hungrier.

Still rubbing your clit, you lower your hips and sink further onto his cock. This time, you’re able to take a few more inches, your pussy enveloping him tightly. Sukuna can’t stop himself from moaning this time, your plush walls hugging him. His hands drop to your hips, holding them with an iron grip.

“Fuck,” he breathes. “That’s good, baby, you’re doing so good.”

You’re taking him better than he thought you would. You’re two-thirds down, your lips gripping him as though you don’t want him to leave. Nevertheless, you slowly bob up and down, never fully withdrawing. The sensitive head of his cock rubs a euphoric friction against your walls, making you both moan contentedly. Sukuna half wants to stay like this forever, never leaving the hot, soft grip of your sweet pussy. The other half of him wants to pin you down and make a mess of your insides, painting your pussy white with his cum.

Your fingers pick up speed against your clit. The combination of Sukuna’s girth stretching your hole and your fingers rubbing your sensitive bud are bringing you close to the edge. You’ve nearly taken him all and you know you can do more – you just need to cum first to loosen up.

“Ah, fuck, that’s it,” Sukuna groans, his grip on your hips tightening to stop himself from bucking his hips. “Fuck yourself on my cock, baby.”

And so you do. You bounce up and down until your legs cramp, but even then, you ignore it and keep going. You rub tight circles on your clit, the way you know you like, and throw your head back in an silent scream.

“Fuck… fuck!” you squeal as your orgasm rushes through you, curling your toes and arching your back.

Sukuna watches you, his eyes flicking down to your pussy to watch your juices run down his cock. He’s almost painfully hard, teased to the brink of his own orgasm. When girls can’t take him all, he usually waits for them to finish on him before getting them to suck him off, bringing him to a finish in their mouth.

But you…

When you come down from riding your high, there’s a spark of defiance in your eyes. You plant your hands on his shoulders and, locking eyes with him, you sink your hips down until your thighs meet his.

Sukuna’s eyes widen. His breath hitches. He looks down to see you joined together, his cock fully buried inside you.

You’ve taken all of him.

“Fuuucck.” Sukuna groans long and loud, the new sensation of his cock being fully enveloped almost making him cum right then and there.

You grin, a sense of accomplishment spurring you on. Your legs are still sore so you grind against him instead, leaning forward to suck sweet kisses on his neck.

“Holy shit.” Sukuna buries his fingers even deeper into your hips, encouraging you to grind harder. “That feels so fucking good, baby.”

Your pussy is addictive. Sukuna wants to live here like this, fully sheathed inside you as your soft, hot walls milk his cock. He’s never known this sensation before, this delicious heat as your bodies fully connect. Your plush ass nestled against his thighs, your clit rubbing against him as you grind, your lips wrapped around him to the base of his cock. Fuck. You’re incredible, he thinks.

“Cum inside me, Sukuna,” you whimper in his ear.

You don’t need to tell him twice. Sukuna growls animalistically, burying his face in your neck as his cock throbs once. Twice.

You feel him explode inside you, hot, sticky cum coating your walls. You keep grinding until he’s done, milking him for all he’s worth. It’s only when you make to move away, to pull your puffy pussy away from his cock that he hardens his grip on you again.

Before you can ask him what’s wrong, he captures your lips in a deep kiss. It’s a surprise but a pleasant one – you didn’t take Sukuna for someone who kissed after sex. You make out for a while, his cum leaking out around his softening cock. It’s only when your thighs are slick with both of your juices that you pull away again.

“Thanks, Sukuna.” You smile at him. “I needed that.”

You hop off his lap, satisfied. To you, the plan worked. You’re content and ready to move on from your shitty situationship.

But Sukuna has never cum inside anyone before. Never been able to. Never met anyone who could take all of him. He watches you pad away to the bathroom to clean up, humming happily. You might be going home tonight, content and oblivious, but something dark stirs inside Sukuna. He knows he’s never letting you go.

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[worksby-d]

That Steve Guy

Pairing: Steve Rogers x grad student!Reader

Summary: The older, attractive guy in your university art class has kept to himself all semester, but you get him to open up and have a little fun. 

Warnings: Age gap

Word count: ~1,300

a/n: There shall be a part two, don’t worry 👹

It’s the final night of your art class. The room is full of paintings and drawings on display as your fellow classmates and strangers who pop in as the evening goes on walk around to look and hear about everyone’s pieces.

“I bet it’s killing him having to actually talk to people…”

Your friend’s voice knocks you out of the trance you’re in. 

“Huh?” You ask, but you’re both looking in the same direction. 

“That Steve guy,” she laughs. “You know, the one you’re staring at.”

“I wasn’t staring,” you huff, straightening out some of your pieces on the table in front of you.  

You both have spent the semester joking about him being attractive. He’s older– both of you coming to the conclusion he has to be in his forties. Fit, broad shoulders, blue eyes that you’re jealous of. 

So on second thought, you weren’t really joking.

But he keeps to himself. You don’t think you’ve ever really heard him talk. 

“Go ask him about his stuff,” she nudges you, flashing you a smirk. “Let me know if his voice is as hot as he is.”

You roll your eyes and pretend to ignore her. But you just let a few minutes pass before stepping away from your little corner, weaving through everyone standing around until you make it to Steve’s side. 

He’s standing there like you’d expect – hands in the pockets of his jacket, only talking when someone asks about his stuff. 

Before introducing yourself, you catch a glimpse of some of his drawings.

“Wow,” you say quietly, studying them closer before looking up at him. “These are really good.”

The small smile he gives you makes your stomach flutter a little. 

“Thanks.”

“I’m Y/N, by the way,” you smile back, offering your hand. 

He lets out a laugh as he shakes it. “I know.”

That catches you off guard. Your cheeks heat up a bit.

“Right,” you chuckle. “I just wanted to say hi… And let you know some of us are going out after this. Wanted to invite you.”

“Oh, thanks…” He shifts a little and you can tell he’s unsure. “I don’t know–”

“It’ll be fun, I promise,” you try to assure.

He looks amused, but still hesitant. “Where are you guys going?”

“That’s the thing. We don’t know yet…” You pause before grinning and holding your hand out. “Give me your phone.”

When he just looks at you, almost looking confused, you can’t help but joke with him. 

“You do have a phone right?”

“Yeah,” he scoffs. “I’m not that old.”

“Wow,” you drag the word out, teasing him. “I didn’t say anything about your age.”

“I know you were thinking it though,” he rolls his eyes and hands it to you. 

“I’ll put my number in it and text myself.” It takes just a second for you to do and you give it right back. “I’ll text you when I know where and when, okay?”

He just nods and you mirror his gesture before turning to walk away. He has to snap himself out of watching you as you make your way back through the crowd of people. 

The bar your group ends up going to is packed by the time you get there. You’ve about had your share of people for the day, but you want to stay since you were the one that asked Steve to come. 

Your eyes flicker toward the entrance every so often hoping he’ll show up. 

When he finally does, you catch yourself as your face lights up and hope no one around you notices. 

You find yourself once again making your way through a crowd of people for this guy. You can’t help but laugh to yourself at how uncomfortable he looks as he scans the room looking for someone he knows. 

“You made it,” you grin once you reach him. 

He looks relieved to see the familiar face and follows you back to where everyone else is hanging out at a group of tables in a corner.

He’s quiet at first, slowly drinking a beer, and again only talking when someone else talks to him first.

You make an effort to get him to loosen up a bit, conversing with him when no one else is. You ask him more about the art that you can’t stop thinking about and the reason he took the class in the first place. 

“I used to draw a lot,” he explains. “Then life happened and I did it less and less. But I have some time now. Figured I’d try getting back into it.”

“Good for you,” you smile.

His eyes linger on you the same way yours do on him, giving you that same fluttering feeling in your stomach as before.

As the night goes on, you don’t know who’s buying the drinks, but it surely isn’t you. They’ve given you a bit of a buzz – enough to give you a nice warm feeling and a dizzy one when you move too fast.

When you get up to leave, Steve’s hand gravitates toward your waist, bracing you as you nearly trip over a dropped cup. 

“Hey,” he says softly, leaning closer to you so you can hear him over the music that’s gotten louder. “Can I give you a ride home?”

You blink at him, clearly confused. ‘What?”

“I watched you down quite a few drinks…” He’s careful with his words, not wanting it to sound like you can’t take care of yourself. “I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t at least offer.”

You know deep down he’s right. It’s probably for the best that you don’t drive right now. 

“Okay,” you nod. “That would be great. Thank you.”

The drive is quiet at first. His radio is set to some news station– exactly what you’d expect. You have to try hard not to laugh at it.

The bright city lights are a blur as you watch them out the window. You glance toward Steve for a better view. He’s even more handsome closeup. 

“You didn’t have to do this,” you speak up softly. 

In hindsight, you were nowhere near drunk enough to need a ride home. Your buzz is already starting to wear off.

He steals a quick glance of you before looking back at the road. “I wanted to.”

He eventually pulls his car up in front of your place, but neither of you move very quickly– he doesn’t force you out and you don’t want to leave him quite yet for some reason. 

There’s an undeniable tension of some sort. 

“Do you…” You begin to break the silence. “Want to come in? Like, just for a bit?”

“I’d love to…” You feel a twinge of excitement, but he lets out a breath and you know he’s about to put a stop to it. “But I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Oh, shit,” you sigh, letting your head fall back against the seat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to misread this or make it weird.”

You reach to open the door before you can say anything else wrong, but he stops you. 

“Wait–” It’s definitely not that he doesn’t want to. “It’s just… Thank you for including me tonight. I don’t go out a lot. It was really nice talking with you. And I’d like to do more of that.” He pauses. “Could I first take you out sometime?”

Silence. Just for a moment. 

It comes to an end when you playfully swat at his arm. 

“Ow–”

“You scared me,” you scoff. “Oh my god, I thought I made a fool of myself!”

“I’m sorry,” he chuckles, rubbing his arm. “So?”

“I’d like that,” you agree and offer a wink before reaching for the door for real this time. But first– “You have my number. Your turn to let me know when and where.”

He shakes his head as you get out of his car, and smiles as he finds himself once again watching you walk away.

part two

Tag list: @patzammit @thummbelina @pppsssyyyccchhhiiiccc @astheskycries @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @turtoix @harrysthiccthighss @mrspeacem1nusone @geminievans1 @doozywoozy @americasass91 @dwights-new-plague @wwwmarissa92 @redhairedfeistynerd @whxre4cevans @aubreeskailynn @melchills-j @xoxabs88xox @before-we-get-started @chrissquares @christowhore @ice-dtae @mariestark @justile @rogersbarber @dilfbarber @payperhearts @vintagestarlight @miss-ariella @bemysugarbean @t-stark35 @seitmai @reginaphalange2403 @raelorns21 @mrsgweasley @pandaxnienke @brandycranby

[vansyoungergf]

can i do your makeup ?

fem!reader x teen!van palmer

summery: reader begs van to let her do her makeup while they wait for the rain to stop. van agrees and somehow you end up on her lap… what could really happen ??? you’re just friends…right ??

warnings: shitty smut, oral (r receiving), pornwithplot

this is my first fic in almost 5 years please bear with me as this is probably not that great.. i’m aware liv is nonbinary but it slipped my mind to use they/them for vans pronouns until after i finished writing this i hope that’s okay. if it’s not i can rewrite it !!!

requests: open :)

———————

“pleaseeeee” you begged. giving the best puppy dog eyes you could. “i promise i won’t mess it up, just this once please”

you and van sat in your shared hut waiting for the rain to stop pouring outside. somehow your little makeup case has made it through the plane crash and the cabin fire. you never really used it only on special occasions like doomcoming and such. but by the looks of outside you would be stuck in the hut for hours and were already bored. why not beg your bestfriend to do her makeup.

you and van hadn’t always been close but after the fire, while everyone built the camp van and taissa broke up. you were the only one there for van, sparking a new friendship. from then on you were attached at the hip, where you went van followed and vise versa. somehow someway between it all you developed feelings for her. not wanting to rush her after breaking it off with taissa you said nothing and let the feelings fester within yourself while being as close to van as ever.

once the camp was finally done being built and it was time to pick roommates it wasn’t even a question. you and van would obviously room together. ending up in a hut with just the two of you was nice, you were able to stay up late if you wanted to talk and no one would care, you personally liked it a lot more the the one shared room of the cabin.

“you’re not doing my makeup, it’ll look weird over the scaring” van huffed while trying to read her book.

“please. i’ll make it look alright, your scars aren’t gonna look weird i promise !! if you want i wont even put makeup over them, ill wipe it off at the end so there’s nothing on them, i promise. please, there’s no mirror. i can’t do my own.” you were desperate at this point and yet van wouldn’t even entertain the idea

“how many times am i going to have to say no” van said, shutting her book and looking over at you

“until you say yes” you smiled.

“okay whatever, but no bright eye shadow. i don’t wanna look like a clown” she rolled her eyes, sighing in defeat.

you squealed and got your makeup box, taking a seat right in front of her and opening up your kit as she closed her eyes waiting for you to start. you tried to get a good angle but couldn’t, huffing and puffing trying to move your arm in a certain way so you could blend out her foundation and it just wasn’t working.

van peaked one eye opened as you looked at her in frustration.

“what are you doing?” she asked slightly laughing at the face you were making

“i can’t do it. i’m gonna break my arm trying to bend it to blend it out. just never mind.” you huffed beginning to put your makeup away and go back to being bored

before you could do so, you were moving. van tugged you onto her lap, straightening her legs so you would be straddling her. the air immediately left your lungs, you were friends of course, you slept next to each other everyday but you had never been this close to her before. especially in this position. looking slightly down at her you swore you could faint as she looked up at you waiting to see if you’d actually stay there.

after a minute of slight awkward hesitation, not knowing if you could fully sit down or not. you finally let yourself put your full weight on the girl beneath you, allowing the skirt you were wearing to flow over both of your legs and let yourself breath and relax. you’re just sitting in your friends lap doing her makeup. no big deal.

“comfy?” van asked once you finally settled.

you nodded your head with your lips close tight, still to scared to make a noise. maybe you were dreaming. you had to be dreaming.

you opened your makeup kit and started on her makeup. you used to do your makeup all the time back home. showing up to school everyday with a new look. you wanted to be a makeup artist when you were older. you loved soccer but you didn’t wanna be a professional like some of the other girls. you just wanted to help other girls feel pretty and express themselves.

van watching you closely as your tongue poked out of your lips a little in concentration, trying to get the makeup just right. she hadn’t a clue what you were really doing, just that you looked pretty doing it.

you were vans best friend. the only one who had really be there for her after her fallout with tai. she helped you keep your mind off of it with jokes and helping her build the huts for the camp. you stayed up late just the two of you talking about everything, what you wanted to do when you got home, what you used to do before the crash, school, girls, everything. no one had been able to understand her quite like you. she loves taissa don’t get her wrong. she would probably classify her as her FIRST love. but this was different then the connection she had with her ex. it feels almost deeper. she knew she could trust you and that you’d always have her back.

you concentrated as hard as you could but you could feel the texture of vans jeans on your bare thighs and she was looking at you so intensely it was hard to actually focus. just being in this position you could feel yourself getting turned on and didn’t know what to do.

van noticed you start to get antsy and put her hands on your hips. “are you okay?” she asked. voices laced with concern. “are you not comfortable??”

“no no i’m okay” you reassured, hoping it was convincing enough.

van didn’t believe you but chose to close her eyes and let you continue on her face. as you did you didn’t realize your hips starts to slightly move back and forth subconsciously. small enough movements that you could barley notice it at first. but van did.

van opened her eyes to look at you so you could put mascara on her. as she looked at you she could see that you’re pupils were wide and you were breathing heavier. somehow not noticing your own movement but van couldn’t handle it. a pretty girl is practically getting herself off on her thighs and she’s expecting to act normal ??

you grind down one more time, slightly harder then before and van can’t take it anymore. her grip on your waist tightens and she stops you. looking you dead in your eyes and you freeze. looking confused..

“do you really not see what you’re doing to me right now?” van asks

“what?” you answered, cheeks turning red

“look” van moves you back slightly to reveal and small wet patch left on her jeans and you wish you could explode right then and there.

you go to climb off of her but her hold on you tightens only letting you move back a little bit. you’d rather be out in the storm then in here any longer. praying to the wilderness it’ll just swallow you up whole.

“oh my god van i’m so sorry i didn’t know i was- i didn’t mean to- oh my god” you don’t even know what to say but luckily you don’t have to try to find words for long before van is pulling you back closer and brings her lips to yours.

you melt into it instantly. having been waiting for this for weeks. it’s better then you could have imagined. quickly getting more heated van starts moving your hips on her thigh again and god does it feel good.

you let out a moan long enough for her to shove her tongue into your mouth and now it’s on. you’re pulling at her shirt trying to get it off of her while she does the same to you.

“fuck baby you’re gorgeous” van says, staring at your partially naked body. of course she had seen you change in the locker rooms after practice but this was different. you get shy under her comment and go to cover yourself up but she grabs your arms and kisses you again.

van lets your arms go in favor for touching your thighs. going up and down under your skirt. just barely close enough to wear you really need her. you pull back from the kiss and whine.

“what baby? what do you need?” she asks with a smirk.

“you” you whined again

“you have me” she said cockily

not able to get the words out you grab her hand and bring it to your clothed center and look her in the eyes. silently begging.

“oh fuck” she whispers and it’s like something snaps in her.

next thing you know you’re on your back with her in between your legs. she slides your panties and skirt down your legs, tossing them somewhere to be found later. what a sight you were. seeing you laying there fully naked for her. van looks up at your face and what a mistake that was. you’re looking at her with the most needy eyes she’s ever seen and she can barely contain herself. she’s been dreaming of this for weeks and it’s about to happen.

she looks at you waiting for you to say you want this. waiting for you to let her touch you. you nod your head and she doesn’t wait a second, her hands are on you.

a finger going up and down your slit and your back immediately arches. not having had sex since before the crash and your fingers only doing so much for yourself you knew you wouldn’t last long but you didn’t care. she slowly puts a finger in watching your face for a negative reaction that never comes.

you moan out begging for more already. needing as much of her as you could take. she slides another finger in, moving back and forth slowly

“that’s it baby, you’re doing so good for me. i’ve been waiting for this” van says unable to take her eyes off of her fingers going in and out of you. almost mesmerized as her fingers get soaked more and more by you.

you’re moaning loud. not caring if the other girls hear but hoping the storm drowns you out. you can’t help it. vans fingers are bigger then yours and god does she stretch you perfectly. she starts to curl her fingers inside of you and you almost scream.

“please please please” you beg over and over again not really even knowing what you’re begging for.

“please what baby? huh? what do you need?” she says almost taunting you.

you don’t say anything just move your hips up and down with her fingers. she takes it as a hint and adds a third finger slowly. it’s a stretch but it feels so good you don’t care.

“can i taste you baby? please” van almost begs and you could cum right there just from the look of desperation on her face. like she needs to taste you or she’ll die. you nod your head and immediately her tongue is on your clit.

this time you can’t hold back the scream you let out and you grind your pussy on her face. chasing the high that you know is coming. it feels like heaven.

fingers still pumping in and out of you she pulls them out and quickly replaces them with her tongue before you can miss them. you didn’t think she could make you feel any better but she does.

“oh fuck baby, i’m gonna cum” you moan loudly. seconds later your cumming all over vans tongue and she swallows every drop. tasting like heaven.

she pulls her face back when you’ve finished, looking at you with a soaking wet face and the biggest grin you’ve ever seen.

she moves up next to you and you lay your head on her chest. both of your hearts racing.

“do you feel okay?” van asks after a few moments of silence and you nod your head against her.

“i like you.” van says, and your head shoots up to look her in the face “i’ve liked you for a while but i didn’t know if you felt the same. if this was just sex for you it’s okay. i understand that but-“

before she could finish you kiss her. it’s soft compared to the first kiss you shared. this one full of reassurance and feelings rather then lust and need.

“i like you too” you said with a slight smile after you pull away

“yeah???” she said perking up. happy to hear it wasn’t just sex

“yeah” you laid your head back on her chest and you both settled down. content in being wrapped up together lulled to sleep by the sounds of the storm and each others breathing.