#I do want to work on his full self aware fic soon though

[wayfayrr]

Self aware tears in stardew -

Just got a set of headcanons here that started as an idea with @h4wari on discord - just a few headcanons to ease myself back into writing as I start on the raffle prizes!! Just the idea of what if one of the links could find their way into a different game?

[masterlist]

✦ It started a while after he’s already self aware, having slowly ‘come to his senses’ over the course of you playing TotK. picking up on small details like the quest signs and buttons like the flurry rush prompt. 

✦ but… you finished his game, sure you still played it occasionally but not as often as you used to. Leaving him desperate to be with you again. Willing to do anything to be able to hear your voice again. 

✦ It isn’t exactly hard for him to get out of the game and into the switch proper, and after that it’s easier again to get onto your wifi and into your pc. It does take him a little bit to poke around in it, to find whatever it was that you abandoned him for. And more importantly find his way into it.

✦ Stardew wasn’t exactly what he expected to find, something this cozy? It’s almost dreamlike to him. But with how many mods there are already? It wasn’t exactly all that hard to make himself a mod to add an NPC - people love TotK anyway, how hard would it be to believe that there is a mod for it?

✦ The painful part is waiting for you to download it, because he knows that installing it himself would give it away to easily. 

✦ Thankfully he doesn’t have to wait too long, a few days at most till you get the mod, and your happiness makes it so worth it.

✦ He blends in surprisingly well, having coded himself a small winery similar to the Blue Moon vineyard. Seeing as it’s something he thought would be interesting to do when the game isn’t actively running, and wouldn’t you prefer the expensive gifts? 

✦ it’s not quite the same as being with you or having you with him, or even the same feeling as having your control over his body. But he can’t say that having you try to max out his hearts isn’t lovely, he just wishes that there wasn’t still a screen between you.  - There’s only a matter of time until he deals with that though, he'll have you in his arms before you know it

[blainesebastian]

teasing

word count: 956 pairing: austin butler x female reader rating: NC-17 summary: anon request "can u do an austin fic w him teasing the reader pls? maybe teasing her saying how much his voice turns her on etc" notes: heed the rating--this is a self-indulgent spicy post. probably not as much fluff as you wanted, given that we're dealing with this man's voice. notes2: austin butler masterlist

“I think you like it.”

Your eyes roll back into your head as you focus on making lunch, one foot in front of the other, so to speak. You have to concentrate on your movements because Austin isn’t exactly wrong. Honestly, this is all your fault, you know that. One round of dirty talk in bed, now all of a sudden Austin thinks he’s a god.

Well…

“I think,” You look at him over your shoulder as he leans back against the counter in the kitchen, “Your head is gettin’ too big to walk through some of the doorways.”

Austin grins, “One head is definitely gettin’ big.”

You scoff out laugh that is supposed to sound like you’re annoyed at how bad that innuendo is, but you’re not. Not by a long shot. There’s heat pooling in the center of your core. Fucking Austin Butler. You turn your attention back to making lunch, opening the fridge to put mayo away, and closing it.

You’re hyper aware of how his body moves even though you can’t see him. Being together for so long, it’s just something you can sense. There’s a quiet shift, he steps closer, and suddenly his chest is against your back. A gentle touch but the heat of his body and the smell of his skin is so intoxicating.

You shiver just a little.

Austin runs his hands down your arms and it stills your movements on the counter, suddenly forgetting this lunch that felt so important ten minutes ago. You can feel his breath brush against your neck before he presses a kiss to your pulse point.

“I think…I know what I saw last night.” He says, his voice like gravel along the shell of your ear.

Oh you’re definitely not playing this game, “Oh yeah?” You raise your eyebrows, turning your head just a little for your noses to brush, “What’d you see?”

He smiles, holding your gaze, his hand skittering across your stomach, dipping lower. You can’t help but shift back into him, giving him more space. “I saw how wet you got when I started talkin’ to you,” He undoes the buttons on your shorts, zipper following, his ring snagging a bit on the fabric but he gets his hand exactly where you want it.

In your panties.

“Like you are right now.” He brushes his thumb over slick heat and sharp noise leaves your lips.

A groan follows and you lift one of your hands to cover your face, “God, you’re so annoying.”

Austin chuckles, his other hand taking yours away from hiding your expression. He presses a kiss to your jawline, wrapping his arm around you as he eases you back against him, his fingers spreading you, pointer finger dipping in wetness before circling a bundle of nerves.

“Austin,” You breathe out.

He hums lightly, drawing another kiss to your cheek, “I got you,” He whispers, “…as soon as you admit you know what I’m talkin’ about.”

Fucking tease.

You shake your head quickly and almost make the decision to leave his embrace, but he’s holding onto you to the point where you can’t move…even if you wanted to.

“You like that baby?” He asks, “You like the sound of my voice in your ear?”

You squeeze your eyes shut, tipping your head back until it lands on his shoulder. A shuddered moan leaves your throat as he teases you, one finger, then two, always special attention to your clit. You shift back further, grinding a bit against him, you can feel how hard he is along your back and that only edges you forward.

Your breathing picks up, your neck exposed as another full bodied shudder works through you. God this so unfair. You can feel Austin smile against your throat, pressing another kiss there, your legs widening to accommodate his hand. 

“M’not gonna let you cum until you admit it.” 

And just like that, he brings you to a peak and leaves you there. A whine of frustration bubbles in your throat. 

“God, you fucking suck.” You snap. 

Austin smirks, pressing a soothing kiss to your jaw as his finger circles your clit. Too slow. “Kinda like it when you yell at me.” 

You roll your hips back into his cock and he stills you to stop, squeezing your hip. “C’mon.” Austin slips his fingers inside you again, thumb brushing your clit, lips against the shell of your ear. 

“You like the sound of my voice—against your neck, your lips, your ear—”  He picks up the pace of his hand again, your breathing quickening. “Here.” He presses his thumb against your clit. 

Fuck okayokayokay—

“I do—fine, I do, Austin please.” 

Austin smiles, pressing the sweetest kiss to your cheek. “Good girl.” 

No sooner do the words leave his mouth does he give you what you want and it doesn’t take you very much to tumble right over the edge—especially in combination with that praise. You squeeze your eyes shut and let go, pulse after pulse of pleasure roaring through you that Austin draws out before you’re boneless against him.

His body holds yours up and when he slips his hand out of your jean shorts, you turn in the embrace and lean heavily along his chest, tucking your face into his neck. He smiles, dipping his chin and pressing a kiss to the bridge of your nose. Wrapping your arms loosely around his waist, he keeps you close for a few long moments as your high settles down.

“Forget lunch,” He says after a moment, quickly lifting you up so that your legs wrap around him. “M’hungry for somethin’ else.” You can’t help but laugh as he carries you towards the bedroom

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Hellooo!! Ik I just requested but I can't help it- I love ur fics Soo much!!

Can I request a teen!reader who is touch starved and their love language is physical touch? They are an absolute cuddle bug. Their parents (step dad+ bio mom) don't really give her much affections and reader is a quiet and shy kid so she doesn't ask for them either way. Though her quietness was the effect of their father dying when they were 6. Their father was the closest to them. If possible can I get this with Ranpo, Poe and Nikolai? And maybe some head cannons for the rest?

I want to say so much more but I don't wanna bother you😔

You don't bother me, so, don't worry.

And I am sorry l, that it takes so long for me to do your request.

Hugs for a good mood

Self-Aware! Platonic! Nikolai Gogol x Fem! Teen! Reader x Self-Aware! Platonic! Sigma

Self-Aware! Platonic! Ranpo Edogawa x Fem! Teen! Reader x Self-Aware! Platonic! Edgar Allan Poe

Description: Sometimes, all you need is a hug to make a good day into a perfect day.

Warning: OOC. English is my second language

__________

A large, colorful box with “Hugs for a good mood” written on it was finally ready.

Paint the TV box, decorate it, write the phrase... It took two hours, despite the fact that your dad helped you. Well, he did most of the work, while five-year-old you were coloring pictures you want to put on the box.

You wanted to climb into the box, but dad stopped you. His big hand ruffle your hair.

"You can't play with this right now. Wait for paint to dry, [Y/N]. Okay?"

You nodded and hugged his leg.

"Okay, dad."

He chuckled and picked you up, giving you a hug.

You giggled. Live was fun and full of hugs.

________

The next year he died. And shyness replaced your easygoing nature.

________

It's been few years since your dad died. You were a teen now and were going to school.

The school bell rang, you pick up your bag and books. The day was over.

You walked down school hall. You saw, how your classmates were leaving in groups, while talking. You were alone. Too shy to make friends, you were on your own.

You bit your lip and walked faster. You just want to go home.

______

Your mom and stepdad were at work. Of course, they always have their phones with them in case of emergency, and you also weren't a kid anymore. But, you really want to have someone near right now.

You wanted a hug.

Your mom was a good mom. She loves you. You aren't holding it against her, that she remarried. Your step-father was a good guy. He respected you, didn't force you to call him dad, didn't force spending time with him. He and mom let you get used to the new situation in your own speed.

You were grateful. But, if only... If only they hugged you more often... Much, much more often.

They loved you. But didn't like hugs.

And you were too shy to ask.

You ate your lunch and went to your room. You will do your homework and will be free to do whatever you want.

And will try not to look in the "Hugs for a good mood" box you still have in your room. That now was in the corner and full of books.

_________

Few hours later. In BSD World

________

Sigma felt, how Little Light landed in his head, cuddling him. Guiding Light's voice, coming from above, followed.

"New Sigma's card has such a great attack. I am so lucky I got it."

Her voice, as usual, sounds warm and soft.

Sigma smiles. The portal soon will be ready, and they will finally see Guiding Light in person. Sigma wonders, how their first meeting will her will go. Sigma was lost in thought and didn't notice, how Nikolai, with a butterfly net, was sneaking up on him.

Little Light left Sigma's head the moment before Nikolai swing his net. Little Light flew away, and Nikolai's butterfly net was on Sigma's hair. Nikolai quickly freed Sigma, and with a quick "Sorry, Sigma

", chased after Little Light.

Sigma rubbed his temples. Little Light was just a floating blob of light, it didn't have body. Anyone who tried to pet it (a.k.a. Oda and Fukuzawa), had their fingers go through Little Light. But Nikolai still tries to catch Little Light (with net) and pet it.

Well, whatever keeps him occupied.

And Guiding Light will have so many head pats from Nikolai.

Sigma chuckled. Soon.

_________

Few months later

_________

You were in your new room. The last few months were wild.

First, BSD Cast were real and adopted you before you met them in person. Second, after a very long discussion with your parents, they agreed to share custody over you. With daily phone calls to mom, weekend visits to mom's house, with spending half of the holidays with her.

The relationship between BSD Cast and your parents were good. Even great. Koyouou and your mom quickly became friends, and your step-father and Steinbeck watched games together from time to time.

Your family became bigger. If only there were more hugs.

A knock on the door interrupt you thought.

"Hey, [Y/N]! Can I come in?"

Ranpo's voice was cheerful. You clear your throat and answered.

"Yes!"

The Best Detective in the World ("you can call me Big Brother Ranpo") skipped into your room and stopped right before you. Ranpo's grin was huge.

"[Y/N], there is something I want to ask you." Ranpo stopped talking, waiting for your response. You tilted your head.

"Um... What it is?"

Ranpo opened his eyes and opened his arms. Did he...?

"Can I give you a hug?"

Your world froze. You can't believe it. Ranpo was asking for a hug.

You nodded and step forward. Ranpo hugged you immediately. You hugged him back and almost melted in the warm embrace.

Ranpo gave you a head pat.

"Don't feel shy to ask for a hug from me, [Y/N]."

The hug from Ranpo was nice. The normal day became better.

_______

You were scratching Karl behind the ears, while having a conversation with Poe (you can call me Superior Older Brother Edgar).

He was telling you about his last book, that go quite well among readers.

You nodded, while Poe was describing ideas for his new book.

"It sounds great, Poe! Can't wait to read your new book!"

Poe grinned.

"And you will be a first one to read it."

Suddenly, Poe stood up from his armchair and walked to yours. He opened his arms for a hug.

"Can I?"

You nodded slowly and stand up. Karl climbed on your shoulders, rubbing his head against your hair. You hugged Poe. He gave you a tight squeeze.

"Here you go, little sis."

A normal day became a happy day.

_________

You were exhausted. All the school work was tiring you up.

You were in the library, finishing your homework. You put pen down and looked up. You closed your eyes. Soon... The school soon will be over.

You heard steps. Then familiar voice.

"Tired?" Sigma hummed. You just nodded.

"Want a hug to make it better?" You nodded again.

The next second, Sigma was hugging you, ruffling your hair.

"Here you go. Go away, tiredness, stop making [Y/N] sad."

You smiled, leaning towards Sigma's hand.

A normal day became a good day.

________

You went to the kitchen to grab some snack. While you were in a middle of making a sandwich, Nikolai entered the room. He looked at the almost finished sandwich on your plate.

"So, I am late for making you a snack? Well then... Want to have a hug? For no reason."

Nikolai opened his arms, inviting you.

You smiled and hugged him. Nikolai chuckled.

"Thank you, sis, for being you."

A happy day became a perfect day.

______

Your life was happy. Full of family members, familial love and hugs.

_________

Headcannons

🐯 Atsushi likes give you side hugs. Will let you hug his paws, when he is half-transformed.

📒 Kunikida will mostly pet your head for doing a good job.

🩺 Yosano will give you hugs for taking good care of your health. It includes you brushing your hair and teeth.

🌨️ Junchirou will hug you just to make you happy.

👩🏻 Naomi likes to give you a "friend hug".

🍵 Kirako isn't a cuddler, but she will sqeeze your cheeks.

🛏️ Katai will let you hug him and his futon, but will be very clumsy, if he hugged you.

🐄 Kenji will carry you during hugs.

🐰 Kyouka is another shy one. You will give each other a side hug.

👘🗡️ Fukuzawa isn't a cuddler, but he will give you headpats and praise.

🦀🪢 Dazai will gush over you while hugging you.

💉 Mori is another one, who stuck with headpats.

🍷 Chuuya's hugs a tight and makes you feel secure.

🌂 Kouyou's hugs are warm. You feel safe each time she hugs you.

🇫🇷 Verlaine will give you small and quick hugs.

🎧 Rimbaud's hugs are extremely warm. He will try to stay close to you during winter.

🚩 Flags will have competition between each other on who will have more hugs with you.

🧥 Akutagawa will give an awkward head pat.

🔫 Higuchi's hugs are soft but quick.

🚬 Hirotsu will hug you for doing a good work at school.

🔪 Gin will give you less awkward head pats.

🩹🧲 Tachihara's hugs a tight and protective. He takes his role of big brother very seriously.

🍰 Elise's hugs are sudden but soft.

💎 Karma is too shy to hug you.

⭐⭕ Kyuusaku are another sneaky hugger.

🍋 Kajii's hugs are tight but stiff. He doesn't know, how to hug.

🍛 Oda gives "dad hugs".

💰 Fitzgerald will be another one, who gives "dad hugs".

🐋 Melville will often ruffle your hair.

🐙 Lovecraft will give you even more awkward head pats.

🍇 Steinbeck likes to pick you up during hug.

☕ Lucy's hugs are gentle and warm.

🪶 Alcott is too shy, but will give you side hugs.

👒 Mitchell's hugs are soft but quick.

♊ Twain's hugs are bone-crushing.

✝️ Hawthorne prefer to give you hand pats.

😷 Pushkin will ruffle your hair.

🫖 Goncharov's hugs are careful and protective.

🐀 Fyodor will brush your hair.

🦇 Bram will let you hug him as long as you want. You can grab into him like a koala and he won't bat an eye.

⚔️ Fukuchi is another one with "bone-crushing hugs".

👧👩👵 Teruko's hugs are sudden and long.

💧 Jouno's hugs are soft and makes you feel calm.

🌸 Tetchou's hugs make you feel like you are behind a stone wall, that will protect you from any danger.

⛩️ Taneda will just pet your head.

💻 Ango's hugs are long, with him ruffling your hair.

🥷 Tsujimura's hugs are strong and secure.

🕶️ Ayatsuji will playfully scoff, while hugging you. His cats will rub against your legs.

👻 Mushitarou's hugs are awkward, but soft.

⌚ Gide will give you soft headpats.

🐉🍎🍏 Shibusawa will give you side hugs.

🐈‍⬛ Natsume will let you hug his cat form.

🤖 Adam's hugs are mechanical, but enjoyable.

����🏻 Aya hugs you, when you two manage to win games.

🚸 Kousuke, Yuu, Katsumi, Shinji and Sakura will quickly hug you while you five are playing.

[persicipen]

Just a simple character study question but do you how do you think someone like jiaoqiu after 2.5 (probably well after he’s at least somewhat physically recovered anyway) would be with someone who essentially dedicated their life to curing his eyes? Perhaps they are a renown alchemist, biologist, doctor, whatever - and they’re ensuring he is cared for, made sure that he knew he was and still is very valued, and dispelled any of his self loathing thoughts - almost like they could read his mind (they can’t but he finds it both amusing and scary how intuitive they are). And just idk, someone who is selfless and falling for the foxian, who maybe has been in a similar spot themselves with self loathing and broken heart, doing all they can to help bring back some semblance of his sight so that he can return to some form of cooking and healing again; something he mentioned (after many many months of knowing them) that it was something he enjoyed greatly. The subtle cracks in his voice when speaking of his passion truly breaks their heart.

Not out of pity, nah, or coddling him (goodness no), but out of pure genuine care. :’)

dear nonnie, i want you to know that you made me cry <3 lightheartedly, of course, because i adore this subject and rotated it in my head for hours, days, weeks. i even have plans to write fics around this topic, more or less with coherent drafts in my notes, but can’t promise i will get to post them anytime soon given the promised schedule. now, back on the track—

i feel like jiaoqiu can’t change much at this stage of his life. it’s been hinted many times that he’s not young anymore and lived through traumatic experiences such as war, losing comrades and his previous general, dealing with helplessness and low self-esteem. what i want to say is that person who decides to dedicate their time and effort to love him, must accept that he will remain like this — brushing off his personal troubles to not worry those around him and hiding pain behind a smile.

there is a good side to this, though bittersweet. i doubt that his injuries and losing vision affect him the same way as they would, for example, someone young. he’s been through things, he’s tired and melancholic, another unfortunate ailment won’t mean much to him as long as those dear to him remain alive and safe. it might not suffice, but perhaps staying in the kitchen with someone doing the cooking for him can at least partially fill the void — maybe even doing simple recipes that do not require knives or spicy ingredients, hehe.

having someone to take care of him the same way he takes care of others would be the best, really. he deserves attention and gentleness, and keeping that hope that he will get better shining brightly. like you said, not out of pity, but genuinely because jiaoqiu deserves to rest and enjoy his life after dedicating almost entirety of it to those in need. loving someone deeply hurt at heart is a tough job, but no less rewarding. he’s aware how much it means to appreciate every little gesture. if you were to work hard to return him to full health, he would probably exert himself to repay you a hundred times in ways he’s still able to do so. he still has his exceptional knowledge to share and aid you, still can smile at you sincerely, still can take some houseworks on himself when you’re busy looking for a cure.

we’ve seen how special of a bond he has with feixiao. their relationship is simple at first sight — the general and her healer, her guardian. but in reality it’s quite the other way around, the fact that he’s needed helps him deal with his own struggles and in this meaning she’s the one healing his broken heart. a similar bond would exist between him and you, regardless of your profession. you’re the one taking care of him, making sure he can vent and cry in your arms, lifting the weight off his shoulders, promising him that he will get to see you and his loved ones again.

aaand i’m sorry for answering with a wall of text, but, as you can see, this topic is really precious to me. to sum this all up, i think jiaoqiu would be a little confused at why do you love him despite all that, not used to be on the receiving end. he might need time to open up, but will be forever grateful to you — not only because you want to heal him but also because you spend with him every day before that.

[another-clive-blog]

so how’s clive doing after getting shot with the time freeze gun. even better question how’s claire doing after all that went down

Ahahah, about that-

Short fic under the cut ? No trigger warning, the fic may be a bit short than I usually make them o:

"Undo it. Right now." Claire commanded, pointing an accusing finger at Dimitri.

Dimitri narrowed his eyes. "You heard him. He wants to hurt people."

"You are hurting people !" She said, and how come none of them had any self-awareness at all ? How many times would she have to repeat this basic fact to them ?! "And what you are planning is going to hurt even more people !"

"The end goal is to save people," Dimitri replied, and of course this was his point of view. Of course this was his sole goal, because it really did justify the means he was using. He was going to experiment on Clive and mess with the very laws of nature- but that was okay, because it was all to help someone whose only wish was for Dimitri to not do any of this.

Claire was not having this conversation again, if she could even call this a conversation. She glanced at Clive, at this shell of him forever frozen in fear, before making her choice.

When Dimitri saw her approaching, he looked wary, raising his gun on instinct. He wouldn't shoot- Claire knew he wouldn't.

The gun buzzed as he pointed it at her. "What are you doing ?" He spoke in a low voice, body strained and eyes staring at her.

"I'm leaving," Claire simply replied.

Dimitri lowered his gun in surprise, but when she passed him and headed towards the actual exit of the tower, he threatened her with his weapon once more."Leaving ? But you're living in this tower, everything is here- where are you going !"

Claire tried not to think about the very few belongings she was leaving behind. About Clive's frozen body and what atrocities were awaiting him.

She tried not to think about the stark contrast between the Dimitri she knew and the man who was considering shooting her.

"You need help, Dimitri, and I know just the person." And with that, she started running.

She was right to do so, because Dimitri fired his gun.

He missed her, although Claire couldn't say if it was deliberate or not. She wouldn't stick around to find out though : as soon as she was out of the door, she ran down the stairs, hurrying before Dimitri sent his men. She knew he would give them orders to bring her back, just like she knew that he would immediately try to keep her from going to the one place she had to go.

The clock shop.

Claire didn't want to involve Hershel in this, didn't even want to see him again if she were to leave immediately : she knew that he would be heartbroken, and she herself wasn't ready to see the full extent of what she was denied. It was better for them both to not meet again.

Unfortunately, they couldn't even choose this simple thing.

It's not like she didn't know other people : heck, she was certainly the best person to try and bring Dimitri back to his senses. However, with how unstable he was right now, she couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't freeze her too- and if he did, she needed to make sure someone was there to pick up her work. Someone competent, understanding, logical- someone who could outwit Dimitri.

And suddenly, it didn't matter how many people she knew, because only one was fit for the job.

She remembered that Dimitri and Clive had made Hershel a part of their initial plan. Dimitri had been reluctant, but Clive had seemed truly enthusiastic. He wanted to meet the professor, to be the first one to interact with him.

He would've loved this turn of events.

She ran faster, hoping that Clive couldn't feel any pain in his state.

-_-_-_-

Not that many feelings or that many Clives, but we are at a turning point of the story after all =) Plus I have a Clive sci-fi AU ask coming up !!

[aintgonnatakethis]

The Little Death for the WIP game

Thank you for the ask @nimuetheseawitch! Apologies for the late response - real life got crazy for a moment there!

The Little Death is part of my on your hands and your knees, do you feel in charge? series, placed quite early on in the timeline. Content warning below for discussion of kink and BDSM, and the excerpt is some basic-level smut.

So everyone who knows me is well aware I am a full on sub!Telford believer. That man wants to be tied up and pushed around and given orders and made to endure things. The main premise of the fic is Rush denying Telford orgasm for five days, with each day including different kinks, ranging from tame things like dirty talk, bondage, and edging, all the way up to harder things like serious CBT, breath play, and fisting.

I've got the first chapter written which is the negotiation, but I stalled out halfway through chapter 2 as my desire to write smut upped and died on me. It's back now so when I've finished the current projects I'm working on, I'm hoping I'll be able hop right back into it. While the fic itself is going to be smut, it's also a big trust builder for the events we see in later stories in the series!

Rush hummed affirmatively. "I'd be happy to demonstrate at a later date." His hand quickened. "Just imagine: you're tied up and helpless, I've edged you for quite a while by this point and you're desperate for it." Telford could hear how loudly he was panting, hips twitching upwards in tiny thrusts at Rush's words. "You keep getting so… close." Rush rubbed his palm abruptly back and forth over Telford's glans, causing his back to arch at the almost painful stimulation. "And I'm just not letting you get there. You're struggling. You can barely breathe. You gave up swearing at me a long time ago." He returned to stroking, fast and slick and tight. "You keep thinking I'm going to let you come but I always stop just too soon, so when I finally do keep going you're too strung out to think it through. Even though you knew before we started what I was going to do to you at the end, you can't think of anything beyond coming." A choked sound reached Telford's ears and it took him a moment to realise he was the one making it. Rush sat back on his heels, a ridiculously self-satisfied expression on his face. "I didn't quite catch that." "I'm going to strangle you in your sleep," Telford growled. "That's not very gentlemanly of you!" Rush affected mock outrage. "At least do me the decency of trying to kill me face-to-face like everyone else."

WIP Name Game

[purplekiwis]

Summary: It's no secret that as a figure skater, you're fed up with the local hockey team being treated like royalty... and your ex's status as a player isn't helping much either.

Genre: Exes to Lovers (Enemies to Lovers if you blink 😉)

Warnings: it's angsty and smutty

Wordcount: 8K

A/N: ummmmmm holy shit?! you guys really liked this fic 😫 i wasn't expecting this amount of love for this AU at all but your feedback has been making me so happy! i really hope you guys love this last part as well💙

THIS IS A 2 PART SERIES | YOU CAN READ PART 1 HERE ❄️

OTHER WORKS BY ME

You couldn’t resist.

As much as you hated him you couldn't resist. 

You didn't even waste time putting on your pajamas. As soon as you got to your room, you threw yourself on the bed, unzipped your jeans and finished off what Harry had started with the recollections of what he’d said and done to you on repeat inside your head.

And you didn't even feel bad about it as you laid in bed afterwards… motionless, apart from your hand that was still gently touching under your panties, playing around with the wetness as you slowly came down from the high. Honestly, you just felt extremely relieved… and sleepy, you were getting sleepy.

But the more you calmed down, the clearer your ideas became, and something Harry had said stuck with you. That last thing before you left - “now you know what it feels like to be left stranded” what the hell was that supposed to mean?

There was only one thing that you could think of that could fit that narrative, and that was you ending things before he got to take your virginity. As in, you made him wait for months and then just when he was about to get some, you broke things off.

As much as you wanted to believe that was the case and reinforce the concept that he was trash, that didn’t sound like something Harry would hold a grudge on... especially since he could have taken it if he wanted to. He was the one who suggested you’d take things slow. Besides, it wasn't like he had any trouble finding people to fuck with… as you were well aware of.

So why was he upset?

You couldn’t figure it out, nor could you figure out his reasons for doing what he had done earlier. Not the part where he stopped - that part you recognized had been some sort of vendetta.... but why had he kissed you like that? That hadn't been planned. You could tell.

He couldn't possibly be that desperate, could he? He had to be having sex, right? You probably would be if you weren't a virgin and stuck in the ridiculous belief that you should wait for ‘the one’.

Honestly, what a stupid concept.

Months ago you were certain that Harry was ‘the one’ for you and look where that got you.

Luckily though, you never blamed yourself for what happened. It might sound surprising, but it hadn't affected your self-esteem much or made you feel inadequate in any way... If anything, it had only taught you how real people function. Prior to it, you had a very black or white view of how things worked in relationships. Perhaps it was your innocence... but you had always thought that only bad lovers could do bad things.

Turns out that good lovers also can, and good lovers also will.

And no matter how much you try to taint your memory of them with anger and resentment in order to make sense of it all, you won't get to. The memories will always be clear and sweet and full of joy, even when reality isn't.

After what happened between you and Harry, moving forward in life was strangely uncomfortable.

Even though you thought about what happened by the bus all the time, it still didn't feel entirely real, or recent... more like a disturbingly vivid dream, or perhaps an old memory you only recently realized you had.

It didn't help that you hadn't told anyone about it - not even Niall - which was also weird. You felt as if you were keeping something from him, which to be fair… you were. It would have been easier to pretend nothing had happened if he hadn't been there that night, but he was, and obviously noticed how upset you were as soon as you got back in the car.

He still asked about it now and then, which was a little disconcerting and off character for Niall, but it was also the only proof you had that something had happened that night, and you weren’t completely hallucinating it.

In terms of your relationship with Harry, it had reverted to its previous state, which meant you weren’t talking or interacting in any way. You might have caught a glimpse of him at the rink or seen his car parked nearby, but nothing beyond that. He was gone like a ghost, once again, and you were mourning his absence.

But, as strange as it was to return to normalcy after such an unexpected turn of events, it felt good to be back on track.

To put on a costume, cover your face in shimmers, and take on the role of someone who wasn't really you. This girl was cheerful and optimistic; she wasn't depressed because a boy wasn’t in love with her. She had a lover who loved her back and held her tenderly while he danced with her over ice. And even if it only lasted for a short while, you got to share her joy, and felt it pour out of your own chest as the sound of applause took the place of the music...

And then that goddamn whistle blew.

Not just any whistle... but kind you improvise by taking the tips of your fingers to your mouth and blowing. It was familiar, for sounding so completely out of place amid the conventional clapping.

Your head snapped up to face the audience, eyes unapologetically searching for a particular face in the crowd.

Harry’s,

That was his whistling. The one you hadn't gotten to hear in months. The one you never thought you would miss if it wasn't there, but you did... a lot.

Funnily enough, you'd reprimanded him for doing it before, for considering it wasn't appropriate for this type of competition, but he always said he didn't care what other people thought; he'd cheer for his girlfriend regardless and clapping just wasn't his style.

There was no way this could have been him, though...

Harry hadn't attended your championships since your breakup, and you couldn't think of a good enough reason for him to come back now… unless he had come to see someone else, but if he wasn't here for you, why would he be cheering so hard for the competition?

You'd already given up on scanning the crowd as you skated off the ice, but when Niall turned to you and asked, “What’s Styles doing here? Did you invite him?” that stubborn, burning itch was rekindled inside of you.

“No, of course I didn’t invite him.” Your voice was quiet, but it still sounded startled. “Was that really him, are you sure?”

“Yeah, I'm sure… but you can check for yourself if you want. He’s sitting right next to exit B.”

You tried to sneak a peek, but you didn’t get the chance to because as soon as you got close to the border Paul, one of the skating coaches you worked with, came over to discuss your performance. As much as you would have liked that not to be the case, there was no truth in saying that the coach's arrival took your mind off Harry right then and there, but you forced yourself to focus. There were more important things. He wasn't the top priority. He was a baffling enigma.

“Do you think we did well? I got the feeling my landing after the Toe Loop was a little wonky…” You asked, concerned about the ranking. You were pleased with how you had performed in the short program, but the technical errors made during the free skating segment worried you a little.

Niall grunted a laugh in response to your question. “You think yours was bad? How about mine during the Axel? I completely messed it up.”

“We'll work hard to improve those for the next phase of the championship, which I'm still confident you'll be cleared for.” Paul attempted to reassure you before you began hurling more questions at him. He wasn't usually one to try and avoid other people's drama, but he did during championships, since his stress levels were already at an all-time high. “The duo that came before you were technically very good, but they had a big issue with emotional delivery, which is not a problem for you two.”

“Do you really believe that we’re clear then?” asked Niall, who was beginning to look a little more relieved.

“I’d be outraged if not, but let’s wait for the judges' verdict... they’ll announce your score at any moment now. We’ll still have to wait to see how the other pairs do, but I’m not expecting any big surprises.”

Sure enough, not long after Paul finished speaking, you heard what sounded like the beginning of an announcement. “Oh God, I think it’s happening- quick, someone hold my hand.” Niall stepped forward as soon as you asked, and when your scoring sheet came, you both immediately focused on it - scrutinizing all the details of the technical elements and program components of your performance. “Please, please, please, please…oh my- Ahh!!” Your muttering turned into a shriek as Niall’s arms encircled your shoulders in a tight embrace. You both laughed out loud and started jumping up and down as soon as you hugged him back. It was a thrilling moment.

Despite a few technical flaws, you were able to match your score from the previous year, what indicated that you would not only progress to the next phase but most likely also make it to the podium.

“It was well deserved, my dears… bravo!” Paul, who had been peeking at the sheet from behind you, commended with a clap.

“We wouldn’t have done it without you, coach.”

“I appreciate the compliment, but it was your hard work that got you here. I only made a few tweaks here and there.” In all of his extreme campiness, the man grinned broadly and clapped enthusiastically. “Oh, what an amazing effort and outcome! I can't say I'm surprised when you are my favorite skaters to watch… together with the new girl who arrived from Xiamen, of course.”

“Mei?” A flustered Niall asked upon hearing the coach mention the girl he knew well.

“Ah yes, she’s marvelous! I tried to pair her up with Maurice as soon as she got here but sadly, she refused. Said that apart from you Niall, none of the male skaters were at level with her and well, what could I say? She wasn’t wrong.” Niall's flushed cheeks escaped Paul's notice because his attention was drawn somewhere in the back. It was well-off because if it hadn't been, Paul might have had the urge to play cupid. If there was one thing he adored more than teaching, it was putting pairs together, especially when they were actual lovebirds. “Oh no, I believe I just saw one of my students explode into tears...” Despite the way he took his hand to his chest in dramatic fashion, there was a hint of amusement in his voice. “Better go check out the situation over there now… but once again, my darlings… congrats, and good luck!”

“Thanks, coach.” You both spoke as Paul fled the scene. But as soon as the two of you were alone together, Niall turned to you and exclaimed, “Wow, did you hear that? How cool is it that she thinks I'm at level with her?” He grinned to himself like lovesick fool, “Do you think there could be any another meaning to that?”

“I think it means she thinks you’re cute.” That sounded like something one would say if they were interested. “And, has probably fantasized about being your skating partner, which won’t happen because I’m not up for trading you with Maurice either, but you should definitely ask her out.”

“Do you really think so?” You made a gesture as though the answer was obvious. “What should I ask her to do, then? I'm not even sure what options there are. I'm terrible at planning dates.”

“Hmm… she seems a bit competitive, so I imagine she would like something she could beat you at, like bowling or the arcade. But you could also play it safe and take her to the aquarium instead; that's always a win.”

“Oh man, you're really good at this,” He noted down your suggestions on his phone so he wouldn't forget them later. “Oh, and by the way, I didn’t want to switch partners either... you know how gassy I get when I'm nervous for a performance. I can't let her see me like that.”

“Yeah, I know. Don’t remind me.”

Since Niall seemed to be distracted by his thoughts and phone, you took the opportunity to approach the rink's edge and have a look at the benches near exit B.

The sight made your stomach drop.

Harry wasn’t there.

However, there was a vacant seat in the back, suggesting that someone had been sitting there up until recently. You thought he'd stick around until you left...

Your heart had been racing at the prospect of seeing him after the contest was over, but now that he was gone, you were beginning to suspect that you weren't the skater who had enticed him to attend.

That empty seat - it sent your mind into a tailspin and brought back the one reason why you had broken up with that…

Backstabbing traitor.

Honestly, you were furious at your own stupidity for harboring expectations. He didn't care about you. Never had, never would. He only cared about himself.

Niall joined you at the border, leaning against it like you were. “We have to go out tonight to celebrate. I don't even care if we make the top three; the fact that we're sure we'll go to the next phase is enough for me.”

You put on a brave face. “Where were you thinking of going?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere we don’t have to drive to. My goal is to consume enough alcohol to have no memory of how I got home tomorrow morning.”

“Huh uh, and then it's up to me to put up with your drunken gibberish and drag you to bed at the end of the night… got it.”

“Eh, I'm sure I’d make it on my own... it wouldn't be the first time.” He half- shouldered and after a brief moment of silence, offered a suggestion. “I heard there will be a party tonight at the sports bar. It'd be fun to go, but I don't know... there’s a chance the hockey team will be there.”

You took a deep breath in, “I have no problem going if you want... even if they're there. I don't give a damn about them.”

“Seriously? Awesome then! It's going to be fun; you'll see... and there will be other girls there too. I think Natalia will, at least... I saw her posting about it on Facebook.” Niall reported enthusiastically, already animated about the plans. You tried to look lively as well, or at least smile a little.

“Will Mei be there?”

“Oh, I have no idea. I hope not... or yes, I don't even know.”

You forced a smile again, thinking to yourself that that was exactly how you felt about a very, very infuriating player.

It was almost certainly the worst party of the century, and you'd gotten dressed up for it.

There was music playing, but it was at such a low volume that it was completely drowned out by the sound of the television, which was, predictably, broadcasting sports nonstop. An NFL game was currently on, but you weren't even interested enough to bother finding out who was partaking. The whites were pitted against the blues. That was all you needed to know.

You and Niall had taken a seat in a quiet corner, wanting to hold a table in reserve for when the bar started getting crowded. That hadn’t exactly happened, at least not in the way you had anticipated. Several people had arrived, but none of them were especially fascinating to you.

There was an old man drinking alone, three suit-clad men in their 40s, a group made out of six male friends and two supportive girlfriends, a super fan of one of the teams playing who spoke more to the television than everyone else in the room combined, and, interestingly enough, Natalia.

She was the only reason why you stayed instead of going elsewhere.

When she walked into the bar and saw you and Niall, a look of great relief had taken over her entire face. She'd sat down at your table and hadn't gotten up since. Five consecutive beers later, Niall was already slightly boozed up.

Because of your early bird sleep schedule, you guys didn't typically come out for drinks much. As a result, it didn't take long for him to start getting a little drowsy while staring intently at the TV, leaving you to listen to Natalia's ramblings.

That was what you got for choosing soda over something stronger.

She had been telling you about how she’d went there to meet a guy she was casually texting with, but apparently the night had changed his plans and he had ended up going to another bar with his friends.

She still had plans to meet him there until the night was done but was currently pretending to be busy and unconcerned as payback. All he had heard from her in the last 2 hours was that she had ran into some friends and decided to hang out with them a while. “You know… just so he doesn't think I’m that interested,” she had confided to you after taking a sip of her beer.

Speaking of beer, Niall had practically passed out on top of his. He was officially knocked out, and you were going to have to take him home soon. This party was shit, but the mere thought of dragging your well-built friend up the stairs of your apartment was making you want to stay longer.

Fortunately, Natalia offered to help you carry him because she was also going in that direction, and ultimately ended up assisting you in putting him to bed, and using your bathroom as well. On her way out, you offered to walk her to the door, at which point she gave you a once-over and questioned, “Would you like to come to this other party with me?” 

You blew air out of your cheeks. “Ha, thanks but I'm not sure I want to go out again...”

“Oh, okay. It's just….you’ve dressed up so nicely. If I were you, I think I wouldn't resign myself to that lame party we went to. I would have thought it would be a waste of that outfit.” She bounced on her heels. “Just for a little while? It's not far. It's practically right next door.”

“Where is it again?”

“At the other sports bar—I know, it sounds dull—but this one is packed because the hockey team is having a party there.”

You knew which bar she was referring to, and its location wasn't exactly what you considered to be right next door. Sure, it was within walkable distance, but it was getting late. A little too late for a girl to be safe walking by herself outside.

You realized that keeping Natalia company just because you didn’t want her to walk alone was dumb since you would be putting yourself in the same predicament on the way home, but you still felt bad knowing she would be walking by herself there.

Besides, she was right; you deserved to be seen by more people. And, especially by a certain hockey player who had been dumb enough not to appreciate what he had while he had it. The only problem was that, as usual, he wasn't really in the mood for being appreciative.

He was in the mood to be nasty, and his expression made that clear when he didn't look the least bit pleased to see you arrive.

The razor sharp glance he sent your way caused your confidence to dwindle. He didn't want you at this bar, and fortunately for both of you, you weren't in the frame of mind to defy his wishes. As a matter of fact, you had already turned around and exited the same door you had entered through, but then you heard him approach you from behind. “What the fuck are you doing out here alone?” His intervention stopped you in your tracks, but you never turned to face him. He crossed the sidewalk to get to you. “Where’s Niall?”

“In bed.” You responded candidly. “I just came to walk a friend, but don’t worry… I'm already leaving.”

“Alone?”

“Obviously. Unless, of course, you have any intentions of walking home with me, which I doubt.”

“Why would I ever wanna do that?” He asked brusquely, but his voice instantly grew softer when he noticed your dejected grimace. “Would you like me to?”

“Would it make any difference if I did?”

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

“You know what? Fuck you.” God, that felt great to get off your chest. “Seriously, why do you have to act so goddamn cold around me all the time?! It's aggravating!”

He snorted in disbelief. “Fuck me? No, fuck you. It was you who made me in this way! You broke me.” He got closer, until he was practically in your face. “How am I supposed to act Y/N? Tell me, how do you want me to act after what you did to me?”

“After what I've done to you? I was in love with you, you jerk!”

“Why did you break up with me, then?”

It didn't matter that you weren't scared of him, you still weren't immune to the pressure his eyes were putting on you. Your façade was crumbling. “You know why.”

“Cut the shit, Y/N.” He insisted, practically snarling. “You're lying to me, just like you did before. I saw it in your fucking eyes the other day, and I see it right now! Why did you break up with me?”

Harry’s agitating proximity was making you lose your cool. For the first time, you felt compelled to answer the question truthfully, so you did, “Because I found out you were cheating on me.”

His face fell. “What?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Harry. I saw your dms all right? ‘can't talk right now, gf’s here. i’ll hit you up as soon as she leaves’, does that ring any bells? No? How about ‘nah, we’re fine. she won’t get sus.’?”

“I swear to God, I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Really? Well then, maybe you forgot the texts, but I'm sure you remember the nudes she sent you, don't you?”

“What nudes?”

“Stop, okay? I saw it with my own eyes! She was sending you disappearing photos. I’m not stupid, Harry- I know what that feature is for! And then you asked for more, from different angles, and when she sent them you were all like ‘wow. those look amazing’… Oh! and of course, my personal favorite, ‘definitely much better than hers lol’.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I am talking about a skater who came here in the last competition. The one you were going to meet up with behind my back.” He appeared to be totally lost as his brows were furrowed deeply. “Oh wait, I think I get it now. She wasn't the only one, was she? That’s why you don't remember. You’ve probably lost track.”

“I never cheated on you.” It almost sounded true the way he said it. Shame that you knew he was lying. “I might have talked with a girl or two while we were dating, but never with that purpose in mind and I’ve certainly never made plans to meet any of them.”

Your scoff was loud and clear. “So you want me to believe that it was all a coincidence that after you cancelled our plans that day, I happened to walk into the locker rooms and there was a girl saying she was going to be meeting up with you at the time we were supposed to be hanging out?"

“And you believed her?”

“Why would I not believe her, Harry? She showed me the convo. She showed me your profile. It was you!”

“Hold on, wait- you said she was a skater?”

“Yeah, and-” Unexpectedly, Harry started laughing, as if he thought this was some kind of practical joke that you were playing on him. “What are you laughing about you maniac?”

He kept laughing, but his laughter had become cynical, like he couldn’t believe this could actually be happening. “That bitch. That big fucking bitch…” He wrapped his arms over his head and started pacing aimlessly. “She came up to you and told you that bullshit? How did she even know who you were? ‘Cause I didn’t tell her… wanna know why? Because of this! Because I know how bigmouthed skaters are and I didn't want her to start spreading shit around.”

You crossed your arms. “Oh, so you're admitting to it, then?”

“No!” Harry shouted; a bit louder than he meant to. “I mean yes, I talked to her, but none of what she told you is true.” You rolled your eyes, still not convinced. “I don't get how you believed her though. What, some girl comes up to you like “hey, sorry to break it to you but your boyfriend is a cheater”, and you just believe her? Is that really how little you trusted me? I mean, fuck Y/N…”

“That is not how it happened, asshole.” You responded defensively. “I overheard her talk with her friend, so I butted in on their conversation. I pretended I was just a fan of yours and asked her to give me the scoop. She got all haughty and told me everything, including the juicy bits.”

“What juicy bits? There were no juicy bits…” He brought his fingers to his eyes and rubbed them ferociously. His anguish was evidenced by the tic. “Why didn't you ask me? Couldn't you just make a scene? Slap me? Call me names? I mean, shit… If you had asked me I would have explained myself and all this shit would have been avoided. But no, of course you couldn't just ask. You had to break up with me through a text out of the blue, saying you liked someone else and leave me thinking you were in love with fucking Niall or some shit.”

“You thought I was in love with Niall? Are you actually insane?”

“Is it really so far-fetched? I mean, you two are always together, and when you're skating he's always holding you and touching you and whatnot. I always thought he was a bit too handsy with you, so it wasn't hard to assume...”

“Harry… Niall is my best friend.”

“What are you trying to say, then? That nothing happened between you two? Even in the past few weeks, whenever I would ask you something, you would always be like, “Oh, I was just with Niall doing this or that”. It was like- like you were rubbing it in my face.” You felt glad that Harry was finally speaking up and expressing his feelings, even if his words were still tinged with bitterness. “I went crazy on Tuesday when you told me he was waiting for you in the car. Just the thought of him taking you home and touching you like I used to made me so... resentful, I guess that’d be the best word to describe it. I wanted to get even with you. To make you feel used in the same way I did. To prove to you that I was better and that you had made the wrong choice by picking him. I wanted to give you a taste of what it was like and then take it away. Even worse, I wanted you to feel guilty about cheating on him, without any real gratification to back it up.”

You exhaled in disbelief, shaking your head. “So that's what that thing on Tuesday was about? It was revenge ‘cause you thought I had left you to go be with Niall? Christ, Harry… I never imagined you'd think it was him, much less that you’d care if it was.” You paused, taking a deep breath before telling him the whole truth. “I only said I liked someone ‘cause I thought getting dumped would hit you harder if you felt like you were easy to replace. I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you had hurt me, so figured if you thought I wasn't that into you, I'd have the upper hand in some way.”

“Fuck, Y/N…You really fucking crushed my heart that day. I've never felt more miserable in my life.”

“It was your fault for having conversations with other girls behind my back. And just to get things straight, even if it was just sexting and you had no intentions of doing anything, that still counts as cheating and it's enough reason for me to be glad I ended things with you.”

“I told you already, I never sexted with her. There was only one reason why we were talking and that was because I was going to buy something for you.”

“What-” You choked momentarily. “What are you referring to?”

“Your coach said you needed to get a replacement for something. Something you didn't want to ask your mom money for because she had just bought you a new outfit for the competition.” You blinked twice, as recollections prior to that day began to flood back to you. “Do you remember now?”

“What, you mean like the new blades for my skates?” There was an urgent expression on Harry's face, as well as a look of impending madness in his eyes. He nodded his head. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Did you notice her skates?”

“No, not really.” You replied honestly. You supposed that your indescribable rage at the time toward her and your ex-boyfriend might have prevented you from noticing that minor detail, but so what? Why was that relevant?

“She was wearing Riedells, but she used to wear Jacksons, the exact same model you have.”

“Okay…?”

His hands touched your arms as he came closer. “She added me on Instagram, and I saw that she was selling her old skate blades for a good price. She had to get new boots and ended up changing brands, so she opted to get new blades too.” You were a bit baffled, but nevertheless interested in seeing where he was going with this. “The point is she was looking to sell her Jackson blades second-hand, and I was going get them ‘cause they were practically new, and even had that cool purple finish you liked and all that. The so-called nudes you thought she was sending me were actually pictures of her skates because I wanted to make sure everything was in good shape before I bought it.”

His revelation shocked you to your core, leaving you shaking your head in bewilderment. “Why in the world would you do that?”

He locked his wide-eyed gaze on yours, as if the answer should be evident. “‘Cause your crusty, old-ass blades were holding you back! You were off the ice sharpening them every 10 minutes. Everyone could tell. Even your coach kept pointing it out.”

“Yeah but why would you do something like that behind my back?”

“Because you would have thrown a fit if I told you beforehand. You would have never let me get them even if it was a good deal.” He took his phone out of his coat pocket and started fiddling with it as he spoke. “Here. Just for the sake of transparency, I'd like you to read the whole thing. That way you can get rid of any suspicions you might still have.” After some scrolling, he found the old conversation, opened it, passed the phone to your hands and waited.

His body language indicated that he was impatient for you to finish reading, but he gave you some time to do so. “Are you done?” He inquired as soon as you stared at him. Face now dotted in tears from regret upon realizing he was telling the truth.

“I’m sorry, I-” Your tone was broken. The moment after you handed back the phone, you practically collapsed to the ground, shielding your eyes with your hands to try to contain your tears. “I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions based on what that girl told me... she was lying and I- I fell for it like an idiot when I should have known better. You were my boyfriend, and I- I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I should have confronted you and asked for an explanation instead of just breaking up with you without telling you the real reason why.”

“Baby, hey…” Harry knelt beside you and supported your back, refusing to let you sit on the street floor. “We’ll figure it out, okay? We're talking. There's no need to be sad about it now. Come on, let's sit on a bench or something.” You stood up after saying yes with your head. As Harry sat beside you, his hand clutched yours. He touched it lovingly before and after he began speaking, “I'm really sorry too... for being too proud to question you about it. After your text, I kind of just assumed you had been using me to make Niall jealous and stuff. It made me feel stupid, which is why I didn't initially intervene when our coach messed up your practice. You were right, I could have said something, but as childish as it sounds, I saw that as a way to get back at the two of you.”

“I suppose we were both idiots, right?” You asked, turning your head to face him with a sniffle. “We’ve ruined something good just because we were too scared to speak of it.”

He chuckled briefly, almost painfully. “Yeah, I guess so…” His gaze paused on his feet for a moment before returning to you. ���We could still um... try, if you want to.”

You sniffled once more, this time with a glimmer of hope. “Try?”

“Yeah, to get back together. If you wanted to, I can't think of any reason why we shouldn't.”

Your mind wandered for a moment. There was something missing from the proposal. Your heart liked it, but something more was needed. “Do you even like me, or are you saying that just because it feels like the right thing to do?”

“Do I like you? Y/N, I love you.” It was Harry's hands that lifted your face off the floor, so you had to look him in the eyes. Those dazzling, bright green eyes of his. “Do you love me?”

“Yeah, I do, quite a lot…” With a big smile on his face, Harry brought his gaze to your lips, a silent warning of what was coming next. It was a beautiful moment, but the brat in you couldn't resist, “…considering Niall is still unavailable and all…”

Harry's fingers wrapped around your jaw and squeezed your cheeks a little. “Not funny.” His lips touched yours.

Your lips touched his. “A little funny.”

“Don’t upset me.”

“Why?” You nipped his lower lip. “What are you going to do, Harry?”

“It’s dirty...”

“Now I really want to know.”

He flashed a sly smile, then leaned over and touched your ear with his lips. “I’m going to take you home with me and have you make up for all the time you made me go without that mouth.” Your breath caught in your throat as you considered what he had said, and once you finally let it out, it came out as a whimper. His hand squeezed your thigh in response. “Gonna lick you too... make you cum… how does that sound, princess?”

A blur filled the distance between the bar and Harry's rented flat. The only thing you could recall was the warm dampness of his mouth stealing kisses from yours as he took your hand and led you there.

There were also reminiscences of kissing at the front door, in the hallway, on the bedroom wall, and finally on the bed, where you hurriedly undressed one another out of an intense desire to see and touch again.

Harry's eyes were filled with hunger. It was not surprising that a few moments later you were sprawled across the bedding, with a very hungry mouth lapping at the space between your spread-out legs. “You love it when I bury my face in your pussy like this, don’t you? Your thighs are shaking so much…”

“Can you really blame me? You're- ngh, so good.”

“Mmm, baby... when you're this tasty and creamy, it really isn't difficult. I could lick you around here all day…” He gave your pussy a thorough, slow lick, his green eyes fixed on yours. “Maybe I will,”

Holding his hair a little tighter, you let out a panting breath. “I think I'd cum a lot.”

“Mhm, you’d look so cute cumming in my mouth…” He lowered his head once more, this time offering not only his tongue but also some suction. “Are you gonna cum in my mouth, Y/N? Gonna let me lick it all up?” That was his final set of questions before he went down with the intent of not coming back up until he got what he wanted. From there, the rise was quick and easy. Within a minute or so, you were whining loudly and shaking all over.

“Mm-hmm… ah, mm… I'm gonna cum in your mouth. I’m gonna come in your- I’m gonna-” You muttered as you got closer and closer, until finally, that nice, warm feeling swept through your entire body, causing it to writhe on the bed.

Harry still licked you for a while longer, moaning at the taste on his tongue and mumbling something about how hot and wet it was. He was having fun, so you let him have it until your clit started getting tender, at which point he stopped and crawled up to kiss you.

He was being very loving and gentle, but his reproductive system had other ideas. The heat of his erection touched your skin, reminding you that he was probably already experiencing some discomfort from being so horny, so you told him to be still and got on your belly in between his legs.

“Fuck baby…” He moaned, letting his head fall back as soon as he felt your soft lips close around his tip and sucking it into your mouth. “That’s perfect… nice and slow, suck me just like that...”

You did as he said, not that you had other option because you had a sensitive gag reflex. You could never really get your head to sink all that far. As soon as your lips passed the halfway point in the length, you started to choke on it. You were a little self-conscious about it at first, but Harry had never complained. He loved your blowies regardless, and whenever you asked him if he minded, he always argued that what got him most was watching you suck with eagerness, not how far you down could take it.

Meanwhile, you always used your hand to make up for what was missing and tried to maintain eye contact because you knew he liked to look into your eyes - especially when they started to become watery from the effort.

“Yes. Right there, baby… that feels so good.” He praised when you began alternating between sucking and licking the underside of his glans. You could tell he was getting close. The taste of precum in your mouth had grown stronger, and the muscles at the base were starting to get twitchier. “Keep your eyes open, look at me. Shit, so fucking hot.”

You were expecting him to finish, but instead he breathed in deeply and gently guided your head away. “Did it stop feeling good?”

He smiled broadly and caressed your cheek. “No, it was too good, that's why I stopped you.”

“We didn't have to stop; you know I like how it tastes.”

“I know, but I don't want it to end like this; I want to try other stuff.” He explained as he guided your body up onto the bed and into a  laid down position. His proposition intrigued you, despite the fact you didn't really know what he was plotting. He had your trust, even when he placed himself between your legs and opened them wide. “Do you mind if cum over your pussy while I rub up on you? It's more intimate this way.”

“No, I don't mind. It sounds hot.” You replied with a small chuckle, so he drew closer and rubbed his erection on you - collecting the moisture between your lips and continuing to spread it up from your hole. When he struck your clit, you moaned and let out a small “…that feels good.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” His hands held your knees in place while his hips took care of the rest. Harry was right; it felt more intimate like this, especially because your pleasure was being shared rather than taken in turns.

Rubbing up on each other was all you did for some time, until things started to heat up more. Harry re-grabbed his erection, which was growing hotter and harder, and guided it down to your hole. “Don’t panic, I’m not going to push it in.” He warned before you felt his tip nudge your opening, applying just a bit of pressure. “I want you to want me to push it in.”

“God, you’re so hot.” It was impossible not to say it after hearing that sentence come out of his mouth. Especially being aware that his intention wasn't to encourage you to ask right away, but to assure you that he wouldn't do anything unless you wanted him to. He would always respect your limits, no matter how difficult it was for him to refrain from going any further while gently pushing the tip in and out. At times he would groan a little and push a little harder, but then, just when you thought he was about to give in, he would pull out and go back to rubbing around your clit.

“Push it in.” You blurted out suddenly when he was about to do it again. “I can't handle any more of this go, no go situation. It feels really good, but it's driving me insane, and I bet it's driving you insane as well.”

Harry chuckled at your directness. “Yeah, it is a bit. I'm dying to break you in as I’m sure you can tell. I really want to fuck you, but I’ll hold out until-”

“I don't want to wait any longer. We've already waited far too long.”

“Okay, um… if you’re sure you want to...” He smiled and caressed your legs as he spoke. “If we skip on the rubber, is that okay with you? It'll feel better like this… and since it's your first time, I'm guessing you want to know what the real deal feels like. I'll pull out before, so don't worry.”

“Yeah, I think I'd like to know how natural feels first...”

“You'll love it, I'm sure.” He climbed on top of you, seizing the opportunity to love up on you a bit when he felt you place your arms around his back to pull him closer. “I’m going to do the exact same thing we were doing before. The only difference is that this time I'll be pushing to get inside, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” You nodded, pecking his lips again before saying, “You can go, I’m ready.”

Harry adjusted himself on top of you, getting into position, and then he pushed. Because of the foreplay, he didn't have to press all that hard for you to feel it slip inside. It didn't hurt nearly as much as you presumed. It was only a slight stretching, but it was a really pleasurable fullness. It was like, after all the buildup, your body was relieved to be getting what it had been craving.

Taking one step at a time, Harry’s hips swung back and forth to urge the rest of him inside as well. You were moaning under your breath from his thrusts, even though they were slow and tentative. “Are you alright? Is it hurting?” He asked when he noticed your noises becoming slightly louder.

“No, I'm fine- there’s no pain at all.”

“Good, that's awesome.” He said, clearly pleased with the news. “I'll move slowly at first. As we go, the pace will pick up a little. I promise to be gentle but let me know if you're uncomfortable with anything.”

“Okay but don't worry too much, I'm really enjoying it.”

“What if I do this?” As he asked the question, he moved his hips so that his tip was aligned with the inside spot his fingers always searched for.

“Oh- Mhm, that’s good.” It really was. It felt amazing- to be this close and full and have Harry holding you and grunting right next to your ear, all because your pussy was warm and making him feel good.

He began moving more freely once he sensed you letting go a little more. The sound of his hips slamming into yours was filthy, as were the sobs of pleasure coming from your mouths at every snap. “Fuck baby, you feel incredible around me.” Harry purred, “I'm glad we skipped the condom but being this close to you is driving my dick crazy. You're making it really hard for me not to-”

“It’s okay if you do, I don’t mind.”

You felt Harry’s head shake in response. “You before me.” He stated firmly, like that was an important criterion for him. His lips brushed up against your collarbone, then up to kiss your neck and your ear. “I’ll give you my dick all night if I have to. I don’t care how long it takes- you’ll cum on it.” He changed positions slightly and then, after checking his mouth for spit, lowered his hand and said, “…Perhaps a little extra would help-” before you felt his thumb start rubbing over your clit.

Your reaction was immediate – you twitched on the bed and made an obscene sound. Harry’s hips and thumb sped up in response to your moaning. “That's it, baby. Moan- show me what feels good.”

“Please nghh… I wanna cum, make me cum.”

“Fuck me, your pussy’s perfect.” By how tightly Harry’s other hand gripped your flesh, you could tell he was holding back not to burst. He usually held up well, but the time you guys had spent fondling had clearly affected him as much as it had you - not to mention the extra thrill of trying something new. “Come on baby, let’s go… just focus on the pleasure… think of how full you are-”

A moan and tremor accompanied your positive response to his words. “Mhm, that's me. You're full of me. It’s my dick inside you, making you feel good,” More spit was added to his hand, intensifying the sensations on your clit. “And that’s me here too… you can feel it, can’t you baby? Yeah, I know… do you like when I flick your little clit like that? It’s so wet… I bet it feels so good.”

Your unconscious was gripped by Harry’s words, that were forcing your mind to hone in on exactly what he was saying. “Oh my god,” You sobbed out loud as you began to feel your senses heighten beyond control and then, within mere seconds, your entire body was enveloped in a strong, warm sensation of pleasure all over again.

“Fuck- that’s right, baby. Cum for me- wanna feel you on my- Shit. Oh, fuck-” He pulled out at the last second – grunting as he jerked himself into spurting thick white cream over your clit and his thumb, that was still flicking over it to finish you off. “…Fuck yess.” That was his last growl, uttered once he started rubbing his dick on you again. His hand milked it down to the last drop, letting it sprinkle all over your swollen pussy lips.

Right after he finished, you looked into his eyes, and they were glowing. A big smile engulfed his face as he burst into laughter. His laugh was effervescent and contagious. You couldn't resist the urge to join him since the oxytocin rush was making you want to giggle as well.

“Are you okay?”

“Mhm, I’m okay. I promise.”

“Good, that's what I was most concerned about.” He explained as he stood up. “Let me just get something to clean you up while we unwind, okay? We made quite a mess.”

“Yeah, okay- thank you.” In an instant, Harry left the room and came back carrying a towel that had been soaked in hot water. He sat at your feet and began cleaning you gently. You smiled as you watched him. “Was it good for you?”

He returned your smile. “It was you, so… how could it not be good? It was like, way better than good… but uh, I want to know from your perspective. How did you like it?”

“It was perfect- everything was. Honestly, it couldn’t have been more perfect. I don't think many girls have a first time that’s this nice.” You tensed a little when you saw him inspect your hole; he touched it with his fingers and opened it to look. You had no idea what he was looking for, but you guessed he was just curious to see what had changed. “Am I bleeding?”

“Not that I can see, no. I was a little worried because I thought I might have been too rough. I don’t know, I wasn't planning on doing this today, but it happened and…” He paused, then knelt on the bed and kissed the area between your legs softly. They were appreciative kisses. “I guess I just want to make sure that you're okay and happy with how it went.”

Your fingers stroked his hair as he continued to kiss you. His eyes locked on yours. “I wasn’t expecting it to happen today either, but I'm happy it did, and I’m not saying it just for the sake of saying it. It was really perfect and no, not rough at all. It was really good... and special, like you wanted.” The sparkle in his eyes suggested how pleased he was to hear those words come from your mouth. “I’m really, really happy that it was you.”

“I’m really, really fucking happy that it was me too.”

taglist: @victoria-styles

[theroyalsavage]

heyoo!! sorry this is kind of an annoying ask so feel free to ignore but I loved all your thiam fics and they characterizations you have for everyone especially theo is so spot on and perfect so I was wondering if you could do a character analysis on any of them?

hi anon!! thanks so much for your kind words! i’m 99% sure this unhinged rant is not what you were hoping for but bestie my professors chose violence this week and my brain is made of soup so please. bon appetit

i really think the thing that's so compelling to me about theo is how fundamentally his character arc captures the themes of change and redemption that are at the center of teen wolf's dna as a show.

pretty much as soon as his betrayal is revealed in 5a, theo's framed as a figure whose very survival has itself become a selfish act. tara's heart is an obvious and visceral symbol of what he's taken from others in order to survive, but her death is also a direct parallel to what he does to tracy and josh, and what he tries to do with scott. like corey and mason and the rest of the chimeras, theo is a victim of the dread doctors - perhaps even more so. he was a child, taken from his family, raised in an unloving and unsympathetic environment for almost ten full years. as a result, his primary defense mechanism has become a twisted sort of ambition. gain more power, and no one can hurt me. gain a pack, and i won't be alone anymore. become an alpha, and i’ll never feel helpless again.

in 6a, after he's brought back from superhell (rip), theo immediately declares himself to be the same person he was before he was sent away. joke’s on him, though, because within three episodes he’s actively sacrificing his life for someone for the first time that we're aware of. when he throws liam into the elevator and stays to hold off the wild hunt, there is absolutely no reason to believe he’s getting out of there alive. nobody else has up to this point. s5 theo wanted liam to kill scott - kill his alpha and his friend, scarring himself permanently in the process - so that theo could kill liam and gain both of their power. s6 theo, unprompted, makes the choice to put his own self-preservation on the backburner in order to give liam the chance to survive another day. setup, meet payoff.

i really think a lesser show might've killed him there - redemption complete, a selfish existence thrown on its head and then ended. when it’s not doing the Absolute Most, though, teen wolf actually kind of slaps really hard. so instead, we get s6e10 the wolves of war (complimentary). this episode is a mess and i understand why people have issues with it, but i'm a wolves of war apologist just because of theo's final scene in the hospital. that shit is such immaculate character work. i cannot shut up about it. s6e10 tells us that what theo needed to be redeemed was never to die for someone - it's to fight with someone, to live with someone, to reframe existence and life and growth in terms of support and mutual benefit instead of selfishness. theo’s able to take gabe's pain, in the end, because he's no longer putting his own self-preservation first. but he doesn't need to die to prove that - instead, he fights at liam's side, and eases gabe's pain as he dies, and proves his survival does not have to be a selfish act.

theo proves the point scott’s been making for the whole fuckin show. he's not only capable of change, but he does it - and he does it because he decides to. because he finds something - someone - worth fighting for. it doesn't erase the things he's done, but it does recontextualize them. i believe that in life we do the best we can with what we're given. theo was given tara's heart and a chimera's body and then - finally - liam's outstretched hand. good is a verb, not an adjective. theo is redeemed because he's given the opportunity to, and because he actively seizes that opportunity.

theo raeken is when dove cameron said “so you wanna talk about power? / well, let me show you power.” and when mitski said “open up your heart like the gates of hell / you stay soft, get beaten. / only natural to harden up.” and when khalid said “sister, sister, please know that i’m sorry; / i wish you could’ve stopped me.” and when mary oliver said “you do not have to be good... / you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” and when rina sawayama said “i’m trying to be normal / but trauma is immortal... / i don’t wanna be a monster anymore.” and when silas denver melvin said “you are not as damned as you think you are.”

[always-andromeda]

viii. sound of a love song | Joby Taylor x fem!Reader

Joby Taylor x fem!Reader

Word Count | 4,659

Summary | You're fed up and heartbroken. And the only way you can of getting through it involves Joby Taylor and a bottle of rouge.

Author's Note | full disclosure, this is one of my personal favorite chapters in this fic. even fuller disclosure, this was the point where I was listening to harry's house on REPEAT. so shout out to grapejuice for being a such an inspiration for this chapter.

Warnings | slight sexual references, angst, pining, alcohol, nothing else I can think of!

Through the grapevine you heard that William was back in town. It didn't worry you that he hadn't let you know directly. He always had a laundry list of people to check in with before he could spend some time with you. That's why this time you were going to him.

You were sure Will would like the wine and flowers. He loved bragging about all the taste notes and undertones. Sometimes you swore he was making half of it up just to make you feel stupid. But he was smart, always saying things with the intention of it flying right over your head. You approached the control room, the brown paper wrapped around the roses rustling in your grasp. 

Will had been so quiet. Managing wasn’t easy, especially with temperamental musicians. And if he was working with a kid of one of his dad's friends, of course his time would be taken up getting that in motion. You were well aware of the type of people his family were friends with. Country club types who went golfing every weekend and had high expectations. People who expected him to have passive income and a pretty girl on his arm by forty.

You imagined Will had been so busy that showing up so eager would please him. Especially after the last phone call. It had been close to a week since then and you'd managed to stay independent. Mostly. He didn't have to know how much you'd been around Joby. Besides, nothing had happened in those weeks. Nothing as catastrophically terrible as the hickey. And that had already faded. So you were confident as you entered the studio he rented out. 

Peering through the glass door of the control room, you choked on your breath. Will was reclined back in his rolling chair and had a head of auburn hair in his lap. She bobbed up and down and you watched as Will’s own head lolled back in pleasure. One hand tangled in her hair and the other gripped the armrest. For a second, you were frozen, not quite processing what you were witnessing. As soon as the girl looked up at him with a smirk and wanting eyes, you snapped out of your daze. You couldn’t get out of there faster as the horror grew within you. Not again.

Part of you wanted to go home and cry your eyes out until you didn’t care about the image anymore. But wouldn’t that be letting him win? Spending the night wallowing in self pity wouldn’t do anything but give you a runny nose and that ever growing feeling of dread; that feeling that in the end, Will would end up hurting you more than he'd ever helped you.

Fine, if you didn’t want to be alone, you could call any one of your friends. They would pool together and take you out for a good night. Or you could all stay at home and talk shit about your inconsiderate asshole boyfriend. But that wouldn’t satisfy you either. And it would all get back to him anyways.

Though it was the first time you'd seen it, that wasn't the first time it had happened. You'd found flirtatious texts and seen him getting cozy with other girls before. But he always shrugged it off as part of the job. Sometimes you just have the schmooze your way through a room. The excuse seemed so stupid now. And you'd taken it without a second thought.

You sat in your drivers seat, clutching the steering wheel hard and let yourself realize that it would never end. The wretched cycle would continue and you would always be on edge. You looked at the roses and the bottle of red wine on your passenger side seat with disdain and came to a terrible conclusion. 

Fuck walking the line. And with that, you drove off towards your new destination.

You’d been there before, but the Motel 6 felt different this time. That first night you had been unflinching when telling Joby he could stay with you for the night. Maybe you had just been too tired to think of an alternative. Maybe now you had the sense to be nervous of what he’d think about you coming to him this time. Would he think you were so desperate? Would he tease you? But none of that mattered, you desperately wanted his company.

You stood at his door, seeing the soft light inside filtering through the curtains. You used your knuckles to gently rap on the door and waited a few seconds in complete silence. His car was parked outside so you knew he was there. You banged louder with your fist and shouted his name. You rolled your eyes when you heard a loud thump and some shuffling inside. Finally the door opened, revealing Joby, hair disheveled.

His eyes still bleary, his mouth hung open. Scowling, you pushed past him. The second knock had woken him with a start. He was already teetering on the edge of the mattress but you had startled him so much that he had tumbled to the floor. He didn’t think it would be you on the other side of the door. He would’ve been a bit self conscious at how terrible he looked but judging by the look on your face, you had other things on your mind besides his appearance. Besides, you'd seen him in worse states by now.

You set down a bouquet of roses and a bottle of wine on the bedside table with force. “Surprise,” the word was fraught with irritation.

Carefully, as though he were diffusing a bomb, he settled next to you on the bed and kept his voice low, “Did I miss an anniversary or something?”

The dumb comment earned him a quick sniff from you and a quiet, “You’re so stupid.”

“Seriously, what’s the occasion?” He tested the waters more.

Oh, yeah, today is watching my boyfriend get his dick sucked by a client day!

You decided on replying, “It’s been a long day and I wanted to…unwind.”

Joby knew there was more to the statement but tried not to push the issue. Instead, he let himself soak in the fact that you’d had a hard day and had deliberately gone to him. He wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve that high of consideration in your mind but he was honored nonetheless.

Blowing a cautious breath through his teeth, he reached across you and picked up the bottle of wine. The label was black and red with a decorative picture of a tree. He couldn’t lie, he wasn’t much of a wine guy. He really preferred harder liquor. He remembered the handful of times he’d gotten wine drunk in his life…it wasn’t pretty. But he wasn’t about to turn you down on the drink. Not with how upset you looked.

“Let’s crack this baby open then.” He looked at you expectantly and you jumped, going to reach into your purse. You pulled out a corkscrew and handed it to him. With a bit of little effort and pursed lips, he uncorked the bottle with a pop, suddenly realizing there was nothing for him to pour it in.

“I didn't bring any wine glasses,” You huffed. Because William had some in his office. For special events. So much for that.

“That’s okay, we can just take turns,” Joby shrugged and passed the bottle in your direction, “Ladies first?”

You grabbed it and took a long swig. Joby tried not to dwell on the ruby red droplets that leaked from the corner of your mouth, over your chin, down that unblemished neck, and disappeared behind your blouse. If he did, he would've only let himself be disappointed that the hickey he'd given you was now gone.

You handed the bottle back to him, "I hope you don't believe in cooties." You added.

His lips curled slightly and he took a large gulp of his own. He swirled the liquid around his mouth before swallowing. It was rich, plummy, with an edge of dark chocolate. Underneath it all was a note of the lipstick you'd left on the rim; he could've gotten drunk off that waxy, smooth flavor alone. The wine was a little too bitter and fruity for his taste, but he could tolerate it for tonight. He'd tolerated more unpleasant things for you already.

"What do you think?" You asked. If it had been Will, he would've launched into a full break down of every flavor and insulted you for not being able to get any of it. Knowing Joby, however, you'd be lucky if he'd even really tasted any of it before it ran down his throat.

He stared at the bottle for a moment, squinting to read the label. "It's...alright."

"You're kidding." You scoffed in disbelief, "You think it's that awful?"

"No, really, it's good. Why? How much did you pay for this?" Moving to sit against the headboard, you groaned, head smacking the wood with a little bang. Joby did the same and nudged your shoulder. You retreated into yourself even more, drawing your knees up and hiding your face in your hands.

"If I tell you, you'll think I'm stupid." You muttered.

"No, I won't. C'mon, now I really gotta know how much you paid for this."

You sighed, facing him but not quite meeting his gaze, "Two hundred dollars..."

Joby dissolved into laughter, "Two hundred fucking dollars? Jesus, I think this is the most expensive shit I've ever drank in my life." He leaned into you and whispered, that shit-eating toothy grin already spread across his face, "You know, if you really wanted to get me drunk, you could've just gotten some of that ten dollar shit from the liquor store on the corner."

"What makes you think I wanted to get you drunk?" You bit your lip, already perking up. He was warm, welcoming, and wily.

Joby never felt more like himself as he slid his arm around your waist and continued, "Shit, you don't just want me drunk. You're tryna’ romance me." He motioned towards the roses still sitting on his bedside table. "You just wanna take advantage of little old me, huh?" He poked your side.

You shied away from the underhanded move, "Hmm, that's been my plan all along." You chuckled wickedly.

Part of him wished that really had been your plan. He couldn't deny the red heat flushing his cheeks as you two shared the bottle and talked about meaningless shit. Everything quickly became tangled. Your legs and his, strings of words that went unfinished, and lingering touches that would’ve formed knots in your stomach if you thought about them any longer than the intoxication allowed. But at the center of it was a fact you couldn’t ignore now, not as his body thrummed against yours. Knowing the conversation would turn sentimental as you got deeper into the bottle, you decided you'd put that point off for as long as possible.

As soon as you had downed the last sip, you were getting up and dragging him with you. "I saw a playground on the other side of the motel. I want to play on the swings."

"Let me put on my jacket," He replied faintly. You were glad he was going with your plan, you didn't feel like arguing with him tonight. He let you drag him outside and around the building. Almost the entire way you were giggling lightly and Joby couldn't help but grin. The playground was almost an extension of the decrepit motel, looking like it hadn't been taken care of in years. In the motel's heyday, you could've seen a small family taking their children out to play on a sunny afternoon. Any hint of that past was long abandoned. You finally let go of his hand and plopped down on a swing with rusty chains. The sun had begun to set, casting a soft orange light over the dilapidated playground.

You squinted at him, waiting, "Are you gonna come over here and push me?"

Joby raised a brow, "You can't do it yourself?"

"I can, but it's so much more fun when someone else does it." You gave him those glossy, pleading eyes and broke out a pout.

Trudging behind you, he grabbed the seat on either side of your hips and whispered mischievously in your ear, "You want fun? You better hold on." Before you could get another word in, Joby pulled back as far his arms would allow him and let go, shooting you forward and into the sky.

You screamed, "Joby! You asshole!"

"I told you to hold on!" He laughed, full and . When you came swooping down, he caught you and continued to push, over and over, reducing you to a fit of giggles and screams. He could've done it all day, the drunken mellowness fully bloomed in his chest as your presence engulfed him.

After a little while, you jumped out of the seat midair, barely landing on your feet and swaying in the wind. But you managed to keep your balance so you wouldn't fall face first into the wood chips. Once you were sure you'd caught your balance, you turned and flung your arms into the air as though you were a gymnast. Joby was speechless at your dismount. Before he could get a good look at you, you were off, bolting down the hill toward the trees in the distance.

"Bet you can't catch me!" You screamed back at him. 

"Fuck," He cursed under his breath. You were really expecting him to do this? Of course that's exactly what he'd do. The wind blowing his hair back, he dashed after you. With his burning smokers lungs, he ran out of breath quickly but kept pushing himself to just run. Ultimately, his legs were longer than yours and he caught up to you sooner than you thought he would. He captured the middle of your torso and swiveled you around before lifting you in the air.

You lightly thumped his chest with your fists, kicked your feet fruitlessly, and shrieked, "Joby, put me down!"

"You wanted me to catch you! You didn't think I was fast enough, huh?" His chest was aching, still finding it hard to catch his breath. You noticed and gave up with your struggle, resigning to wrapping your own arms around his neck and burrowing your chin into the crook of his neck. Slowly he lowered you until your shoes found the ground again.

You drew back from where you'd placed your head in the crook of his neck. By now, both yours and his breath was visible as it got colder. Joby's chest heaved for a while. His legs felt as though they were about to give way underneath him. He became very aware of how close you were to him, your fingers leaving sparks on the nape of his neck. You curled the hair there around your digits. His own hands were still on your sides. He longed to feel the feverish burn of your skin. Even though you were so close, there were just enough barriers that it drove him wild.

Once the burn in his lungs had started to subside, you spoke in that teasing voice, "Sorry, I should've thought twice before racing an old man."

That competitive streak in him rose instantly, "You think I'm an old man?"

Scrunching up your face and pinching your thumb and index fingers at him, you said, "Just a little bit."

With a new fire, he tickled your sides. You doubled over quickly, trying to squirm away from his relentless attack. But he only went down with you, pinning you to the dying grass by resting on his knees, straddling your thighs.

"You don't get to call me old and get away with it!" He taunted, “I’ve got you now

Between howls of laughter you repeated his name. Your grin was wider and more genuine than he'd ever seen. So he carried on, doing his best to make sure you kept that look on your face, chasing the butterflies that erupted in his stomach.

You were trying to grab at his hand, begging for him to ease up. That was when he let you clasp his wrists and bring them back to lie on your hips. He became acutely aware very quickly how precarious this set up was. He'd pictured himself being in this position a few times, but not in this context. Below him, your pupils were dilated, and your lips were swollen as you breathed through them softly. He wanted to kiss you more than anything; he was in the most optimal setting to do so. 

So easily he could picture himself leaning down and breathlessly crashing his lips to yours. He imagined you tangling your fingers in his hair again and gasping into his mouth as he ground into you. Your lips looked so tempting, stained pink from the wine. Fuck, the wine. He would be the slimiest guy ever to do that to you while you were both drunk. While you were clearly upset. He thought back to the last time he was drunk like this. How angry you'd been with him and how he'd been working for your forgiveness ever since. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. He removed the thought and quickly shuffled to get off you, choosing to lay on his back upon the grass.

Facing the open sky, you were speechless. You could've sworn that you were on the edge of turning a new page. Breaking some sort of boundary. Your core had already begun heating up at the thought of him taking control right then and there. Already craved the cold air against your bare skin and his hands and lips alleviating the chill. You thought you’d caught his dark eyes wandering as if he could devour you. The embarrassment hit you quickly and left you sniffing back a few tears. It was all so stupid. Going to him, drinking with him, making him run after you; all of it was so incredibly foolish. You knew better than this.

"Why did you bring that stuff? The wine…the flowers…" He finally plucked up the courage to ask what had been in the back of his mind the whole time. 

You were quiet, trying to keep your breath steady before you stated, "I think Will is cheating on me." Even though you knew it for sure, you didn't want Joby to think that. That would only give him a concrete reason to pummel Will next time he saw him.

"Oh," When you'd said you had a long day before, he wasn't expecting that to be the reason. But of course it was. The only time you'd ever want him was when your boyfriend was being a dick. Joby should have felt humiliated realizing how much of a last resort he was. But really, he felt honored you'd even consider him a choice at all.

He couldn't fight his curiosity. "What makes you think that?"

If he was going to ask...fuck it.

"I saw him getting his dick sucked in his recording studio."

"Shit," Surprisingly, he wasn't as angry as he thought he would be. Joby had connected the dots weeks ago. Maybe this is what would make you do the same. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing, it's fine...I just needed to get everything out before-"

"Nothing? If you saw what you saw, then...then you gotta say something to him about it."

You chuckled, "No, I really don't need to say shit to him. I'll just get over it and everything will be fine." You sounded vaguely upset but mostly tired.

"It doesn't seem like you even care." You must have cared, he reasoned. If you didn't, you wouldn't have gone running to drown your troubles with him. You were just avoiding it.

"Will doesn't care. Why should I?" Tears were just starting to fill your eyes and you blinked them back quickly.

"How long have you been with him?" He didn't think you'd ever told him that bit. You didn’t talk about Will at all with him.

You struggled to remember exactly when you'd met William. He'd always been around at various gigs until one day he pulled you into a trailer backstage and fucked you into his couch. Between grunts, he said you were the prettiest girl there. You weren’t trying too hard. It wasn't your typical deal but you liked his bluntness in the beginning. He wasn't afraid to touch you and it made you feel so much better about yourself.

Then he said he could help you with your career. He could make things so much easier for you. With him as your boyfriend, he was your first connection. The first person that could vouch for you and got you the majority of the work you'd done. But in the years since he was far more interested in exploring other things; he simply decided that he'd already unearthed all your secrets, harvested all of your naivete for all it was worth.

"About...four years, I think?"

"Fuck. So that's why you stay, isn't it." He asserted. You laughed almost manically again and Joby turned to send you a quizzical look with his furrowed brow.

"To tell you the truth, I don't know why I stay. I mean...we don't live together or anything. We barely spend time with each other outside of playing shows and recording and meetings." The slow tears were falling from the outer corners of your eyes and melting into your hairline. "He doesn't even kiss me unless we're in public. And I've never let him meet my family and I've never met his. It's all a fucking…performance." You sputtered a laugh still as if it was the funniest joke you’d ever heard.

Joby swallowed the hard lump in his throat. He wished he could take you by the shoulders and shake you until you could see things exactly how he did. But he listened. You softened your edges for everyone. And even if it did take a bit of alcohol to wrench the jagged truth free, he was hooked on every word that could possibly come out of your mouth.

"I'm not sure if he even likes me anymore, you know? I look at him and I feel like I'm just in his way. And I fucking hate it sometimes. Because we were good at one point. I know it doesn't seem like it but there were these little times we had where I could've seen myself being with him forever."

You really did mean it. Back when you had both been interesting to each other, he wanted to know everything about you. He was only occasionally mean back then; made little snide remarks that could pass off as harmless jokes. And when he bit too hard, he apologized and you'd usually end the night having sex. That was the pattern for a while. Now, him knowing you so well made it more difficult. He knew exactly where to sink his teeth in. Knew how much pressure to apply. Knew exactly what the mark would do to you.

"Joby..." You waited a beat for him to look at you again before setting your last rambling thought free, "I don't even like myself when I'm with him. It's part of the reason why I haven't taken him to my family. Knowing how they are...how he is with me...he would just judge them. He wouldn't care one way or another if it hurt anyone. So I keep him away from all that stuff. I don't want him ruining any of it."

“You shouldn’t feel like that, though.” Joby seemed to be pleading, begging you to shatter the walls you’d built.

“I guess not. I don’t know. It’s just better to keep work and family separate.” You realized exactly what you had suggested as soon as it left your mouth. You thought Joby would laugh. But he didn’t. He just sat and simmered in the unpleasant silence with you. That was the root of the problem, wasn’t it? William was more work than anything else.

"Take me to your family." Joby breathed. He wanted to regret the statement but he couldn't bring himself to. God, he wanted to know you. He wanted to hold every part of your life in his hands and cradle the pieces the way they deserved to be.

"Really?" You smiled back at him through a sob.

"Yeah, I want to meet your family. I want to meet the people who made such a great fucking person." His brows lowered, accentuating how serious he really was.

"It would just be my mom and my siblings..."

"Even better! I'm fantastic with moms." He blurted out.

"Oh, really?" You said playfully.

"Not like that!" He thought for a second, fumbling with his necklace chain, "Actually, maybe like that, I haven't tried- fuck, whatever, my point is that I...I want to meet your family. I swear, I will be so polite and so nice. I'll get dressed up again, I'll take the nail polish off, whatever I gotta do to show your folks that you've got decent people in your life." You were giggling again and he relished in the sweet sound.

You reassured him, "You don't need to dress up. And I'll repaint your nails."

Slurring his words he got playfully indignant, "Why would you repaint them? I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself."

"Oh, Joby, honey, you do such a messy job.” You tapped the tip of his nose with your index finger. And he couldn’t even try to miss the name you called him. It only made him wonder how long you two could keep tiptoeing on the line between being strictly platonic and romantic. Because he was sure that friends weren’t this intimate.

“Fine, you can paint them.” He resigned, though you wouldn’t have had to say another word to justify it.

"So...when will we go?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? They're a few hours away."

"Fuck yeah. Bright and early tomorrow morning. We can just keep driving until we get there. We can make it a whole thing," He pinched the bridge of his nose, "A fuckin' road trip. We can make it a road trip. Whaddya think of that?"

"Okay." You were quiet, laying on your side and looking into his brown eyes. They fit so well on his angular face and the way they were fixed on you made you want to tear up again.

Joby whispered almost inaudibly, "That sound okay?"

You nodded slowly, eyelids fluttering.

"C'mon, if we're heading out early, we should probably go to bed." You picked yourself up first and held out both of your hands to bring him with you. You stumbled pulling his lumbering figure up, but he supported you with a hand drifting on your hip. Leaning into his jacket, you reveled in every bit of heat from him as he led you back to his room.

With there being only one bed, Joby placed a lumpy, stained pillow down the middle. He didn't want there to be any chance for either of you to cross the line in the middle of the night. You weren't upset about it exactly. There was a craving for him to get closer lying defiantly in your bones. You wanted him to wrap himself around you and be engulfed in his scent; the wine and cigarette smoke and exhaustion that you took solace in. His hands touching your midriff and nagging at your skin. You wanted to turn around and just say it to him.

But that was just the wine talking, you convinced yourself as you submerged your head in your pillow and tried to ignore Joby's soft snores.

Taglist | @lokis-army-77 @angelicbruhl @pierres-new-spectacles@trelaney @babiezo @diveintothedanoverse @hollyisaberry @oddjacque

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[bigilante]

〖 her best friend ❣ zendaya 〗

「 zendaya x gender-neutral!reader 」 ┅ 「 2.7k words 」

: a.n : back at it again with the unsolicited fics :)) i hope you guys like it 👉🏼👈🏼

⤷ : prompt : separated forcefully or for reasons you can’t control, run into each other again years later on accident.

“Do you think they’ll ever stop making headlines calling us ‘very good friends’?” You halfheartedly laughed at yet another Instagram post by some magazine that showed you and Zendaya out and about LA. “Like, the minute you hang out with any guy they’re like, ‘Oh! Date alert!’ But I’m just your ‘best friend’” You were ranting now, unable to hide the annoyance you felt.

“Why does it matter what they say?” Zendaya quizzed, her hands playing with the waist string of your sweats. She looked up at you from her slumped down position on the sofa, her faint frown making you sigh.

“Because... don’t you feel is a bit homophobic?” You wondered, placing your phone face down on top of your stomach to give her your full attention. The brunette just shrugged nonchalantly and you let out another sigh picking your phone again to close the app, “I’m gonna head out.” It was best to just leave then, you didn’t want to get in a stupid argument with her not before you were set to leave for New York the very next morning. You began to incorporate but Zendaya’s hands gripped your thighs keeping them draped over hers.

“Y/n, come on.” She said, gorgeous hazel eyes pleading at you. What exactly? You had no idea but for a second, you were about to give in however a loud ding coming from your phone stopped you. Your eyes scanned the screen and the reminder that had popped up read ‘PACK ! 4 ! N Y C !’, you sent her an apologetic glance before getting off the sofa, gathering your stuff and petting Noon goodbye.

Zendaya had stood up from the sofa too, watching your every move intently, probably trying to figure out if you were upset with her. The truth was, you didn’t know if you were upset with her or with the media, it was possible that both had a little part in your now sour mood. “See you next week, best friend. Love you.” You joked before swinging the front door open and leaving. The week was going to feel like a month, you knew, but the hope that making that simple joke followed by the declaration would ease things up was strong.

But what did hopefulness ever bring if not disappointment and heartache?

Seeing medium-quality paparazzi pictures of your girlfriend as soon as you landed from a five-hour flight wasn’t exactly the way you wanted to be welcomed to New York. You sat quietly in the back of an Uber trying not to cry as your eyes stared at the images on your phone. A series of pictures of Zendaya and Tom leaving her house, —they must had been taken that morning while you were on your way to the airport— the further you scrolled down the Twitter trends the more you felt like throwing up. Them in his car. Tom’s hand reaching for Zendaya’s jaw. Both leaning in. Kissing. Laughing.

It felt like a punch to the face, it was the worst feeling you had ever endured and the people that caused it were the last you would’ve thought could ever dare to hurt you. Your trembling hands fumbled with the settings on your account, privating it and blocking her and Tom, doing the same with Instagram followed by their numbers on your phone. It felt like doing a cleansing, the pressure in your chest easing only minimally when you locked your phone and looked out into the running city. You wanted to scream and cry, break stuff, throw your phone away and not show to work, you just wanted to go hide in your Airbnb for the rest of the week and pretend you and Zendaya never happened.

The reality was that you two had happened and it was far too hard to pretend it didn’t, your heart ached both physically and metaphorically and you hated every second of it. For that week you spent in New York no one shut up about the photos, every person you worked with had that hot, brand new ‘goss’ about the pair that had hurt you so badly.

You sat in the quiet living room of the apartment you had been living in whilst in the big city, laptop sitting in front of you as you cancelled your flight back to LA, changing the tab to the Airbnb’s one to pay for a few more days. You had been holding yourself together the whole time you were there, work keeping you busy and sleeping pills doing their magic at the end of the day but it could only go so far. Glassy, stinging eyes stared blankly at the empty inbox of your email, the cursed images projecting over the blank space and you just weren’t strong enough anymore, you couldn’t, so you cried and choked and screamed until your throat and eyes were sore; until your whole body was drained of every bit of energy.

Little by little you were sweeping your life clean of her, clearing out your phone’s camera roll, changing your number. Deleting social media was a big no for your job so filtering everything and anything that had to do with them was the only option, that and spending little to no time online. You had stopped to think one night of the what-ifs of the situation, you were aware that Zendaya’s publicist wasn’t so happy about you and her dating publically and Tom’s was obsessed with boosting the Spider-man movies at all cost, still, giving you a heads up about it would had been the right thing to do.

For a year and a half, you made yourself busy, going back and forth wasn’t something you enjoyed but it worked to avoid unwanted visits and accidental encounters. Enough time had passed, you thought as you stopped booking in so many clients across the country and settled back in your LA home. “You know what? I could go for a thick, sugary milkshake, right now.” Naomi told you as you put down your half-empty box of fried noodles on the coffee table.

“Are you serious?” You asked incredulous receiving an enthusiastic nod from your friend. “Naomi, we just had Chinese and you wanna wash it down with a milkshake?” She rolled her eyes at you when you pointed it out.

“Fine, what about Bubble U? Bubble tea is Chinese isn’t it?” She offered, her question prompting you to send her an unamused glare. “Yep, Bubble U it is, then!” Naomi jumped up, going straight to the door. Reluctantly you got up from the floor, groaning all the way to the door where you got ready to go out, “Come on! It’ll be fun!” She chirped while she pulled you out of the house. You hated to admit it but you had completely modified your life after the heartbreak, once you settled back home you barely left it, you didn’t attend parties unless it was for work or go out with your friends unless it was at any of their houses. You didn’t walk around the city that often anymore in fear of bumping into her.

“I miss this.” You sighed as you walked down Chinatown with your friend, the coldness of your drink pleasant against the palm of your hand. “Just walking around town.” You continued taking a sip of the milk tea.

“I still don’t get why you had to stop going out with us.” Naomi said inciting you to turn to look at her, “I mean, I know why it’s just… you didn’t have to stop.” She rephrased it giving you an apologetic glance. You knew how much your friends hated the idea of you not being able to be you after the whole thing with Zendaya and Tom happened but it was your way of coping with it and even though they didn’t agree with it, they supported you.

“Well, I’m outside now, aren’t I?” You nudged her side with your elbow making her giggle as she nudged you back. “Maybe this is me getting back to my old self.” Hope laced your every word as you looked around the busy street. The way the golden light of the setting sun washed over the buildings made the outing worth the risk.

LA was the second-largest city in the United States, with a population of nearly four million that one could think the chances of crossing paths with a lover-turned-stranger was one in millions, yet, there you were rooted to the pavement as your wide eyes stared at the tall and thin figure coming out of one of the many restaurants that dotted the street. “Come on, let’s go back.” Naomi said, placing her hand on the crook of your elbow ready to pull you out of there but something inside your chest told you to keep moving forward.

So you did, you started walking again letting your friend’s hand slip away from you. She was quick to follow, whisper-shouting at you that whatever you were doing probably wasn’t the best idea. The closer you got to her the more nervous you felt, it’s been over a year since you last saw her and god, was she even more beautiful than before; long legs clagged in camel coloured trousers, feet sporting her beloved black converse. Her top was white, a little see-through and you cursed at how much it still drove you absolutely crazy in the most irritating sense.

Curls tucked into an elastic on top of her head in a carefree and relaxed way, a few stubborn strands hanging out framing her face and gracing her neck. She was laughing loudly at something Darnell said, that laugh you had forced yourself to forget but the second it hit your ears, you realised how badly you had missed it. Then everything stopped, Naomi’s panicked telling off, Darnell’s chatting and Zendaya’s laughing. It all had stopped but the rambling around the four of you.

You stood in front of Darnell while Naomi stood in front of Zendaya, your friend’s usually amicable attitude disrupted by the scowl on her face as she glared Zendaya’s way only the brunette’s pupils were set on you with no apparent intention of averting. “It’s you,” She breathed out, hope barely perceivable in her tone. You only hummed at the observation, your eyes moving from hers down to her hands that were gripping the long lanyard that held her phone around her neck. Her nerves were evident then, the intensity with which she clutched it seemed to be draining the blood flow from her fingers. “I— How—” Zendaya tried to speak but failed, letting out a shaky breath. “How have you been?”

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” Naomi protested, you understood where your friend was coming from but you also needed that, you needed to speak to Zendaya just one more time to be able to finally let everything go. You needed her to confirm your theory just so you could move on and Darnell seemed to be on the same page as you for he stepped in between you and Naomi, throwing his arm around her shoulders to guide her away from you two. You heard her object some more but ultimately she complied and walked away.

“I’ve been fine. You?” You eventually spoke after short but agonising seconds of silence.

“I don’t know. There are good days among the terrible ones, so... fine, I guess?” She shrugged a shoulder. With a nod of your head, you looked past her over her shoulder to see a man pointing a camera at you, you were about to warn her when she began speaking again. “Y/n, I’m so sorry about—” Zendaya started but you shook your head no making her stop, you realised then that you did want to talk to her but not on the street in front of that many people and certainly not when there were paparazzi nearby.

“Heard the movie did well.” Your tongue betrayed your brain. Zendaya tried to speak once more but you cut her again. “I’m glad it did. Made it all worth it, didn’t it?” You faked a small smile nearly choking on the words, the anxious lump in your throat threatening to cut your airflow.

“No, It didn’t.” Zendaya denied taking a step closer to you forcing you to hold your breath with the sudden move. “I was a total asshole to you before you left, then Marla wanted me and Tom to do that for a while and I don’t even know why I did it.” She ranted in one breath.

“I upset you.” The statement earned you a furious head shake from the tall girl. “I did. I kept bugging you about the articles,” You carried on, inconspicuously your eyes started to line with tears. The more you talked the more you realised that maybe, just maybe there was a bit of blame in you too, however, that didn’t mean Zendaya was absolved from any. “You never said a thing to me about the stunt.”

“I felt like I didn’t need to, I wasn’t gonna do it.”

“But you did. The morning I left LA.” You mumbled, trying to hide from the second man with a camera that had appeared closer than the first.

“Fuck, I know it was a shitty thing to do and I’m sorry,” She took another small step forward.

“You always told me kissing in public wasn’t your thing.” You exposed, tears irrevocably breaking the surface tension and cascading down your cheeks. Flicking your gaze up at her you saw nothing but hurt and regret written all over her gorgeous face and your heart squeezed at the sight. She had never spoken about it and neither had you asked, you just felt it in your heart that she was scared of how the media would treat you both if they ever found out you were dating, you knew the times had changed but there were still closed-minded people that ran gossip magazines and could make your lives a living hell the moment they caught you holding hands in public or worst, kissing.

The murmuring around you increased, reminding you that you were in a very public place crying in front of your secret ex-girlfriend. “Fuck that.” Zendaya grumbled. One moment she was a small step away from you and the next her hands were cupping your face and her lips were softly pressed against yours. The action took your breath away instantly, still, you found yourself powerless against the familiar taste and feel of her and allowed her to kiss you as long as she wanted to in front of how many people she wanted to. There were yelps and gasps all around the two of you and you started to regain conscience and pulled away.

Wide, watery eyes staring up at the girl mere inches away from your face. “Th-there’s pap—”

“I don’t care.” She whispered before she captured your lips once more, this time deeper and twice as intensely as the first time. Your hands scurried to her waist, bringing her flush to your body as you kissed her back gladly, desperately wanting her lips to make the past year bleep out of your core memories.

The night went by slowly as if the universe was granting you more time to spend in the arms of the girl you loved. She never once let a second of silence go by you, filling it with a whispered apology and a kiss. You talked about everything the time you spent apart brought to both of you, she told you about firing her publicist right after the pictures came out, about how she understood why you had cut her off without any explanation and how bad both her and Tom felt with the whole thing.

Articles flooded the internet that very night as well as the next morning, however, neither of you knew of them right away for any device that could be hooked to a WiFi signal was rightfully turned off while you basked in the presence of each other under the covers of Zendaya’s bed.

“Spider-man Star Zendaya shares intense kiss with BFF, Celeb Stylist y/n l/n in the middle of Chinatown! Swipe to see the pictures!”

It might be 2021 but some things refused to change.

【 thank you so much for reading! ♡ please, consider reblogging and letting me know what you thought of this ♡ kit xx 】

[omniscientwreck]

Let me combine both of your favorite things! I would love a little thing about Caduceus (in his infinite wisdom and questionable intelligence) trying to give either Essek or Caleb relationship advice that may or may not be actually helpful. Those two wizards are probably too much in their own heads to see what's right in front of them and could use a little nudge. Just imagine both of them going to Caduceus for advice on how they're attracted to the other and Caduceus just sitting there trying to fight to urge to facepalm.

Hello! Thank you for combining my two favourite things into this fic that took way too long but I'm quite pleased with! I hope you enjoy!

In which Caduceus has three conversations with two wizards fighting against a force bigger than either of them.

----------

The first of these conversations Caduceus had was expected. Gardening alongside Essek, teaching him how to sow beauty where destruction had laid waste had been therapeutic for both of them. Caduceus had never given up on the war criminal. It’s difficult to feel no sympathy for someone whose story was written across their face in blank but pleasant stares and a mask of platitudes.

The state he’d been in when they met him at the outpost had filled Caduceus with determination. He’d been as close to a wreck as they’d ever seen him and now kneeling alongside him and looking over to see a small self-satisfied smile as he observed the work they’d done, it feels like they’ve done something right. This second chance had been well earned and he has faith that Essek will continue to earn it for the rest of his days.

This Essek is determined to right wrongs, and he’s started with the garden. He pays careful attention to the plants, always asking if he’s unsure about the compatibility of certain species, and making sure to put them exactly where they tell him. When they work past the point when the sun disappears behind emerald leaves he takes off the gloves Jester had made him and digs his hands into the ground. It seems to bring him peace, it’s good that he’s found any.

Most of the time when they work it’s silent, creases pressed into Essek’s forehead. He sweats through the layers that serve to keep him safe from the heat overhead and always has to be cajoled into taking breaks or drinking water. It reminds him a bit of Yasha.

On the third day, when he’d nearly gone faint Caduceus has to intervene, “You don’t need to hurt yourself to repent you know.”

Essek takes great care to swallow and not choke on the water he’d been sipping, bad timing. The mask comes up again, “I don’t know what you mean.” he states flatly. He knows that Caduceus is smarter than that and it shows.

“Hurting yourself doesn’t change anything. It’s the creation of beauty here that tips your scales, not the destruction of yourself.”

He nods slowly, indigo eyes downcast. “I suppose you’re correct. I have much to atone for Caduceus. There is much work to be done before I will deserve any of the kindness you foist upon me.”

“Hey now, I decide who deserves my kindness. We all do.”

Essek nods again, running a dirt stained hand through his silver hair. It leaves streaks of dirt, Caduceus says nothing.

“It’s difficult to be made aware of your stark moral failings, to learn what it means to truly care for someone again. It’s difficult to care more than you expect and to know what is enough, if anything is.”

His eyes flick behind Caduceus, where he can hear Caleb explaining something to Luc and he understands more than Essek probably wants him to. “You’ll find enough.” Essek looks at him, eyes full of a delicate hope, easily shattered, “He’ll tell you when it’s enough.”

His eyes widen just slightly and a deep blush spreads across his face alongside a smile so small it’s like he doesn’t want to let himself accept the barrage of feelings it holds back. “If.” His voice is small but the weight is heavy in the tone.

Caduceus reaches a hand to cover one of his, “When. Remember, I see things the rest of you don’t.”

Essek smiles wryly at that, voice full of mirth, “Of course Mr. Clay the ever observing.”

They go in for dinner and Essek speaks up a little more, he’s a little more alive. The change is small, but Caduceus notices.

----------

The second conversation is less expected, completely unexpected if he’s being honest. Caleb arrives at the doorstep of the grove one evening around 8 months after they’d last seen each other. “Hallo friend, I hope I am not intruding.”

His smile is easier now, though still restrained by sadness. “Not at all Mr. Caleb you are always welcome here. There should be left overs from dinner, fix yourself a plate.”

Caleb allows himself to be ushered in and fussed over. He tells a few stories of the trial but Caduceus tries to steer away from that particular vein of conversation. It’s raw and it doesn’t look like he’s fully healed. There’s still one catch somewhere that he needs to loose himself from before the smile will be easy and free, before he can walk away from his past and toward the future.

“I am going to Aeor next.”

Ah.

When Caduceus doesn’t say anything he continues, voice laced with trepidation, “I am going to ask Essek to join me.” he wants Caduceus to convince him of something.

“Well, two wizards is better than one.” He eyes Caleb knowingly and the wizard squirms a bit under his gaze.

“It is just, a little strange isn’t it? The directions we are led in.” He trails off again, maybe he’s hoping for wisdom. Caduceus decides he can probably dispense something.

“You’ve never seemed like someone who wanted much to be herded into decisions to me.”

“It’s been a journey.”

Caduceus clears his dish and sets down a teapot, “It’s a journey you’re still on. One that might not have a definite end. Is it worth it to deny yourself happiness because you’re worried about whether you deserve it?”

That caught him a little off guard, copper hair shook a bit as he’d clearly gone a little further than Caleb was expecting. He likes to talk in metaphors so that he can hide from truths later, or at least pretend everything can have multiple meanings. It’s time for Caduceus to stop letting him twist words around in that expansive brain of his until the original meaning is obscured by hypotheticals.

“I cannot tell you what’s right Caleb, but if you came here for a reasonable perspective listen to the one I’m giving you.” He pours the tea and offers honey, “You will never know if you don’t go and I know you better than you think. You don’t like loose ends, not as long as there’s something to learn.”

He nods, staring into tea, they’re so similar and so stubborn that Caduceus can feel the loving annoyance usually directed at his siblings creeping in. “Caleb, stop punishing yourself for something that wasn’t your fault in the first place.” Caleb nearly interrupts but Caduceus keeps barrelling through, “Self-flagellation won’t get you anywhere, you’ll just end up with regrets and what ifs. Go explore Aeor, forget everything else for a bit. Do that thing the two of you do where you’re finishing each other’s sentences and nobody knows why you’re bothering to speak out loud because it’s obvious you’re thinking the same things.”

Caleb’s smile is smaller now, but lighter. “Ja mein Freunde, I think you will. Thank you for tolerating questions I don’t know how to ask out loud.”

Caduceus smiles back, “I think this will be good. If you need anything while you’re there don’t hesitate to reach out. Stock up on healing, you’ll need it.”

Caleb laughs at that and spends the night, before heading to Zadash the next morning, undoubtedly to clear out Pumat’s stock of healing potions.

----------

The third time this conversation is had it’s his fault. He doesn’t mean to start it, but honestly the situation is getting ridiculous and the sibling feelings Caduceus has to both the wizards are firmly cemented.

They decide to get everyone together maybe a year after the last conversation. It’s his first time seeing any of them since then and as soon as they’re all in the same room it’s like no time has passed at all. Essek had come to get him while Caleb gathered the rest at Beau and Yasha’s home in Rexxentrum. Jester wraps him in a crushing and loving hug, Beau gives him a punch that’s soft for her but still stings, Yasha offers clippings of flowers immediately, and Fjord’s hug is warm. Veth’s family is here and she looks happier than he’s ever seen her. Caleb greets him with the warmth that’s always burned behind eyes that hold less and less sorrow every time he sees him. He hopes they’ll drop it all together one day.

When they pop back into existence from the way Caleb and Essek look at each other Caduceus expects something to happen. He doesn’t know what exactly but they hold each other’s eyes in a profound way. There’s gravity to them and everyone can feel it, he’s getting tired of watching them fight it.

It seems so simple even though he doesn’t feel that kind of pull, to see where this is going. It’s feels like the days before a big storm, when everyone knows what’s coming and it’s getting a little ridiculous that you’re still waiting for lightning to strike.

Everyone else drinks, they cook and eat and tell stories. Caleb and Essek sit apart but spend the entire time stealing glances across the table when they don’t think the other is looking. Nearly always they catch each other.

Yasha plays on the bone harp, she’s gotten very good and Jester swings Veth around into a dance. Kingsley, three sheets to the wind, grabs Beau and whips her into a reluctant dance and her initial protests eventually bubble into laughter. Caleb sits beside Caduceus and Jester has switched to twirling a flustered Essek across the floor of the livingroom. It often turns to dancing with these people and he loves that they love it so much.

“As I recall you’re an excellent dancer Mr. Caleb, go cut in.”

He shakes his head, “Ah- I couldn’t. Yasha is playing and I don’t think you’re much of a dancer.” He looks over with a quirk of a brow.

“I’m sure Jester won’t mind a break.”

He coughs at that, “I ah-”

Caduceus shakes his head, “No, talking is done, this is getting ridiculous.” He puts a hand square on his back and guides Caleb to stand, “You two will weave circles of metaphor around each other until one of you drops. Go Caleb, follow gravity.”

He seems to understand, seems to accept Cadcueus’ words and as soon as he stands to full height, Essek is watching over Jester’s shoulder. She, thankfully, understands the same way Caduceus does and even sends a wink as she loudly proclaims, “Oh my gosh Essek I’m so tired, I think Caleb needs someone to dance with, go to him.” She extends her arm, releasing him, and his levitation doesn’t allow him to stumble at the abrupt change in momentum.

Essek and Caleb meet and Essek steps to the ground gracefully as Caleb holds his hand out and pulls him in.

Nobody says anything for fear of spooking the delicate peace that settles over both of them as they gently turn, but Yasha slows the music she’s playing a bit and a quiet celebration is shared in the eyes of the rest of the Nein.

Caduceus breathes a sigh of relief and Jester sits herself beside him, bringing an overly sweet juice she’d found on her travels for him to try. She tells him stories into the night, and the wizards never let each other’s hands go.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Don’t Worry - Harry Styles

a/n: i’m so excited about this!!! this fic is my take on the song Don’t Worry by The 1975 for @harrystylescherry ‘s Playlist fic challenge! it took me a lot longer to finish this one, mostly because i chose to write about a topic that’s painfully close to my heart and life and i hope to help those of you who are struggling with similar problems. it’s a touchy subject and i really hope i can at least help just for a little by putting this piece out! also, huge thanks to Nat for this challenge and i can’t wait to read all the other fics!!

warning: eating disorder, lots of self-hatred but even more fluff and love!

word count: 3.8k

masterlist

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip a little harder than they should, it’s starting to feel painful but you don’t even realize. You’re way too fixated on the Instagram post in front of you, swiping through the same four pictures over and over again, crippling anxiety crawling up your spine, clouding your every thought.

Oh how you wish you could say that you’re not the jealous type. Well, in a way, you are not. You don’t think your boyfriend would ever cheat on you or leave you, that’s just not him as a person. Your jealousy roots in your insecurities about your body and it creates more of a confusion in your head about why Harry, your boyfriend of three years is really dating you when he could have anyone, any model or super gorgeous singer, actress out there, yet he settled for… you.

Your thumb swipes across the screen again as you keep staring at the bikini photos Kendall Jenner has recently posted. She is stunning, the perfect model type with her long legs, skinny torso and snatched waist. Hell, she could make you question your sexuality on other days even, but today she is feeding your burning insecurities.

The thought that at one point in life, your boyfriend was with her makes you feel sick, because you are simply nothing like her. In every sense, you are what others like to call curvy, however you often use other terms, some not too nice ones on your worse days. Your hips are wide, holding quite some meat on them, your full thighs never heard of such thing as thigh gaps, not even when you were a kid. Your tummy brings you a headache sometimes when you want to wear something tight, the urge to hide it stronger than your fashion sense. It’s been ages since you last dared to step out of the house without a bra on, your full breasts always need the support if you don’t want them to sit a little lower on your chest than what you prefer. There are rolls, extra skin, stretch marks and all that jazz on your body and has been for a long time. No model looks like this and you are more than aware of that. But if your boyfriend can get any of them, why did he settle for you?

Tears are threatening to roll down your cheeks when you finally close the app and stop staring at Kendall’s perfect body. You ball your hands to stop them from shaking as you make your way to the bathroom in need of some freshening up. The cold water in your face feels nice, but the moment your eyes fall on your reflection you almost cringe at your own sight, as if it’s a reminder of everything you thought about in the past hour.

What is Harry doing with someone like me? The question keeps playing in your head on repeat and you wish you had a relevant answer, but your tainted thoughts keep bringing you back to the same point: He surely will realize it himself and leave me.

You try your best to shake it all off your mind, but it’s not easy. Sitting at the dining table you busy yourself with some work you brought home, hoping the files will keep your wandering thoughts at bay, however the attempt is not quite successful. And then you hear the front door open and close, followed by Harry’s sweet greeting.

“I’m home, baby!” he calls out and you can tell he is in a great mood just from his voice. You force your best fake smile to your lips, not wanting to ruin his mood with your petty party. He walks in, eyes falling on your sitting figure at the table and though you don’t know it, his heart flutters, like always, even after three years together.

Harry is obsessed with you, to say the least. Every little thing about you fascinates him, he loves everything about you, inside and out, just the way you are and he vowed to never stop telling you how much he adorns you.

“Hey there, wha’cha doin’?” he asks, kissing into your hair as he scans over the papers on the table.

“Oh, just… some extra work,” you shrug, chewing on your bottom lip again, the skin is about to break soon for sure.

“Baby, you work too much. Take some time off,” he tells you, shuffling around before he disappears in the bedroom for a moment before reappearing. “Fancy taking a bath with me?” he offers with a cheeky smile.

Bath, for that you’d have to be completely naked in front of him. That cannot happen in this state of mind.

“Um, I want to finish this. Maybe next time,” you tell him with a faint smile.

“You sure? I could massage your shoulders the way you like it so much, we could try that new bath salt we bought.”

“I really want to get this done, H. You just go and enjoy your bath,” you insist, the stern voice catches him a little by surprise.

“Everything alright baby?” His eyebrows pull together as he watches you from across the room.

“Mm, everything is fine. Just… working,” you tell him, eyes on the papers in front of you, pretending like you’re reading the lines, but in reality you have absolutely no idea what the words are saying. You hear him mumble a soft alright before he disappears again, leaving you alone.

A shaky breath leaves your trembling lips once you hear the water running in the bathroom. You bury your face in your palms, feeling so defeated and lost, the only thing that would comfort you would be Harry, but he cannot know what’s been going on in your head. He would never understand the struggle.

These thoughts usually only last for a few days. You always manage to forget about them eventually and return to normality, but not this time. Days turn into weeks and you find yourself sinking deeper into the hole you created for yourself. It starts to effect more parts of your life too. You’re having a hard time sleeping, always waking up several times during the night and sometimes you don’t even fall back asleep after one point. You lose your appetite, your mind tells you that you don’t need the nutritious food, that you need to lose the fat because that’s the only way you can keep Harry. You stop wearing your favorite clothes, always opt for the looser ones that hide every inch of your body and spend way too much time zoned out. You keep catching yourself completely lost in your thoughts during the day, thinking about how Harry might be comparing you to his exes every time he sees you, especially naked.

It’s been long since the last time you were intimate with Harry and you feel so bad for it, but you haven’t been able to bring yourself to bare your body in front of him. You always blew him off with some lame excuse and though there’s a chance he didn’t catch onto whatever was going on, now you know he is suspicious.

And you’re right. Harry notices every little thing, all the changes you’ve been going through. How you leave half your plate uneaten at dinner or how he finds you lying awake next to him in the middle of the night. He also notices how your favorite dresses and shirts remain untouched through the weeks even though you always wear them whenever you have the chance. Instead, he only sees you in big hoodies and loose pants, hiding the delicious curves of your body. But what truly pains him is how you’ve been ignoring all his tries to get close to you, the way you move away from his touch.

The last straw however happens on a Friday afternoon. You are sitting on the couch, mindlessly clicking through Netflix on the TV, trying to find something to watch when Harry is roaming through the cabinets in the bathroom, looking for the lotion he only uses when his skin feels extremely dry. He is going through every drawer and shelf, not finding what he is looking for, but then something odd catches his attention. Some weird named pills are sitting at the back of one of the shelves, hidden behind your perfumes so he hasn’t noticed it, but as he takes it out to have a better look at them, he almost throws them across the room. He has heard of similar pills before, they do more harm than help in weightloss, ruining your digestive system so badly you can actually get way more serious health problems if you use them too long. He frantically tears the box open and see that one third of the pills are gone, meaning that you’ve been taking them for a little while now behind his back.

With the box in his hand, he marches out to the living room where you are still and holding the pills up, he needs everything in him not to flip immediately.

“What the fuck are these?” he grits through his teeth. Your breath gets caught in your throat, he was never supposed to find those, but the cat’s out of the bad and now you can’t think of anything to bring up to your defense, knowing well he very much does not approve these kind of stuff.

“They are… I’m doing a cleanse,” you say, but there’s no use to lie.

“Drinking juice is for cleansing, this shit ruins your body,” he spats, throwing the box to the couch and you bite into your bottom lip, feeling the tears building up already. “Why would you even think about taking these?”

“Why?” you chuckle bitterly, your vision blurry from the tears. “Oh come on, don’t be so oblivious.”

“Y/N, these stuff are dangerous!” his anger turns into despair and concern as he sits beside you on the couch. “Baby, why did you take them?”

“Because I’m desperate, Harry!” you snap at him, the hot tears running down your cheeks. “You have no idea what I go through every fucking day!”

“Then talk to me! I want to know everything, I want to help you!” he pleads, reaching for your hand but you move away from him. “Please talk to me, baby!”

“So you can feed me lies? I’m not naïve, Harry,” you shake your head vigorously.

“What are you talking about?”

“Me! I’m talking about… this,” you growl gesturing at yourself. Harry runs his gaze down your body, but he still can’t figure out what this is about. You look beautiful, you always do in his eyes, he has no idea what the matter is. “I’m not one of your exes and all those models you’ve been rumored to date, Harry.”

“Okay and why is that relevant?”

“Because how am I the right person for someone like you? I’m not skinny, I’m not pretty and I’ll probably never be anything like the girls you dated. Why are you even wasting your time on me?”

By the time you get to the end, your tears are flooding and it breaks Harry’s heart to see you like this. Feeling so unworthy when in his eyes, you deserve everything. You’re perfect.

“I’m not wasting anything on you, baby. Why do you even want to look like them? I love every inch of your beautiful body!”

You flinch at his words. Deep down you know he means them, but there’s this barricade on your mind that tells you he is not serious, that he is only saying those things because he feels like he has to say them, not because he means them. That evil little voice in your head keeps telling you not to believe anything he says.

How could he love your body? How could a man like him be okay with someone like you? He doesn’t want to be with you. He’ll realize it and leave you!

You wish you could turn it off, you wish there was a switch that would shut out all these thoughts, but they just keep coming and coming. Harry watches you break right in front of his eyes and he has no idea what to do, panic is setting in. He feels like a failure that he let you reach this point.

“Baby, I fucking love you. Everything about you. Please don’t feel like you have to change for me. I love you no matter what, I think you are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. If you want to change, do it because you want to do it for yourself! You don’t have to change for me!”

He is practically begging, desperate to get you to understand that you’re perfect to him just the way you are, that he is in love with every inch of your beautiful body. He reaches out to your face again and though you move away again and it pains him so much, he still goes through with the action and cups your face in his hand. His clammy palm meets your wet cheek as he turns your head so he can look into your eyes, but you are relentlessly keeping your gaze focused anywhere but him.

You can’t bear looking at him or yourself, you just want to disappear, vanish into nothing, existence right now feels like just too much.

“Love, please look at me,” he quietly begs and you shake your head no. “Please, let me see those beautiful eyes I love so much.”

You wince at his words and try to turn your head away, but he cups the other side of your face with his other hand, keeping it in place. Your eyes are wired shut, you just can’t look at him, it would break you.

Harry is kneeling next to the couch now where you are curled up, your arms wrapped around your knees as you try to hide yourself. You feel so lost, so miserable and you wish he didn’t see you like this.

“I can’t, Harry. I can’t,” you tell him shaking your head vigorously. Part of you feels so stupid for acting like this, but you just can’t help it. It’s not you anymore who is in charge of your mind and actions, you feel more like just a witness who sees herself from the outside and she doesn’t like what she sees, not even a bit.

Harry pushes himself up from the ground and takes the thick blanket from the back of the couch, draping it over you as he shimmies himself next to you, arms wrapping around your frame as he pulls you to his chest, covering you with the warm blanket as if it was some kind of shield from the world and that’s exactly what you need. A hiding spot.

You let him pull you to him, face buried into his chest as you sob into his shirt, his strong arms holding you so tight, you feel like nothing can hurt you with his hold around you.

“I love you, baby. I really do. And when I tell you I find you gorgeous and that how pretty I think you are, that’s the truth. I love everything about you. Fell in love with you the first time I saw you and I’m not even joking. Please don’t ever think that you have to change for me.”

“But I can’t stop thinking about how I’m so different from the people you’ve dated,” you whimper shaking your head. His hands squeeze your upper arm as he kisses the crown of your head.

“Different is not bad, baby. I didn’t date my previous girlfriends because they looked the way they did. If I’m thinking about it, I should feel a little offended you think I’m so shallow to care about these stuff,” he jokes, earning a faint huff that’s somewhat a laugh from you.

“I just think that you’re not blind.”

“That is correct,” he chuckles. “I’m not blind, that’s why I find you so incredibly sexy.”

“I really don’t see how you can use the word sexy to describe me,” you mumble closing your eyes as a headache is starting to form from how hard you were crying just a minute ago.

“What do you think there is on you that I shouldn’t find attractive?” he prompts the question in all seriousness.

“Please don’t get me started because we’ll never get to the end of the list,” you huff bitterly. It might have come out as a joke but there’s just plenty of the truth behind your words.

“No, seriously. Tell me what you think I don’t find attractive on you,” he nags and you give up with a sigh.

“Okay, I… I have fat rolls on my stomach,” you start off with the first thing that’s on your mind.

“Everyone has them.”

“But not as big as mine. Yours aren’t as big as mine.”

“So what? I love your tummy. It’s soft, keeps your organs safe, especially the ones that will help us start a family at one point. For me, your tummy means that you are enjoying the wonderful foods of the world, that you are well and have a great appetite. I fucking hate it when girls are just poking around their salads, complaining about calories and all that stuff. Do you have any idea how much I enjoy watching you eat? I think it might be a fetish at this point,” he chuckles, making you laugh as you hide your face in his chest.

“Please don’t say that.”

“Why? I love it when you enjoy the food, I love trying new food with you, cooking with you, see you satisfied when you’re full, you have no idea how happy that makes me.”

“Really?” you ask in a whisper.

“Absolutely. I love your tummy, it’s just even more of you to love on,” he hums kissing the top of your head. “Okay, what’s next?”

“I have so many stretch marks,” you whine with a scowl. “They are everywhere, on my thighs, my ass, my stomach, fucking everywhere!”

“I literally have nothing else to say than… I couldn’t care less. Honestly, most people have them, baby. It’s natural, your body is changing, it’s just trying to keep up with the pace. But you know what I’m looking forward to?”

“What?”

“I can’t wait till you have marks from pregnancy, Love,” he huffs dreamily and you can’t help, but smile at his words. “Those marks will be a reminder to me how much you’ve gone through for our family. I think those are just so wonderful.”

“Why are you linking everything with having babies?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he asks chuckling. “Because I can’t wait to have babies with you. I can’t wait to see you with a big belly, so I can love on you, take care of you and that our babies, I’m so excited for that.”

“You want all of that… with me?”

“Have I not made it clear to you?” he asks, looking down at you and moving your head your eyes finally meet his. “I’m not just saying all those things for nothing, Love. I see my future with you.”

Closing your eyes you let his words sink in and for the first time in a while, your mind is not trying to convince you that he is not telling you the truth.

“Okay, next,” he mumbles, his fingers dancing up and down your arm as he holds you tight.

“My boobs are weird,” you say out loud, cringing at your own words. You hate talking about this.

“Excuse me? What’s wrong with my girls?” he gasps, making you laugh.

“They are not as round as I would want them to be, a little saggy because of the weight gaining.”

“But they are boobs,” he points out, making you furrow your eyebrows.

“Yeah?”

“Okay, so that’s all that matters. Boobs are great, nothing else matters. Men are simple, baby.”

“I can’t believe you,” you laugh swatting his chest playfully.

“What? I mean it! Do you think I think about all that stuff when I see your boobs? My mind goes: Oh my God, boobs! And that’s it. I just get excited to see your tits.”

“You are such a pig,” you laugh, snuggling closer to his side.

“Are you shaming me for my preferences now?”

“Your preferences?”

“Yeah, you are my preference,” he remarks smugly, kissing into your hair again. “I literally don’t know how to say it differently, and I’m sorry for being so vulgar in advance…”

“Oh God,” you mumble, already fearing what he’s going to say.

“But you have nothing to worry about until you see my dick getting hard at the sight of you.”

“That was highly inappropriate.”

“Yeah, but it’s true. I find you sexy and there’s evidence. I can’t really hide it,” he chuckles and when you look up at him you see a dirty, twisted smirk on his pink lips. “Please don’t ever doubt any of my feelings for you, alright?” he asks in a more serious tone. “And if you feel like this again, I want you to tell me. Those pills and bottling it up inside you don’t help. I don’t want you to risk your health just because you have doubts about me. I love you, and when I say that I mean that I love all of you. Everything.”

“Okay,” you answer in a faint whisper.

“Don’t just say okay because you want me to get out of your hair. Promise me that you won’t keep it to yourself. I want to help you, I want to be there for you like you are always there for me.”

“I promise,” you nod, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip.

“Alright. Have you eaten today?” he softly asks and you fear to give him an answer, because you haven’t been able to push anything else down than just your morning coffee. “Okay, then let me make you something.” “I don’t… I’m not hungry…” you quietly tell him.

“Mhm, then I’ll make something for myself and being the romantic boyfriend that I am, I’m gonna share it with my lovely girlfriend as a cute gesture,” he says, rephrasing what he said earlier. You don’t argue with him, just let him slip out of your hold and go to the kitchen to make something for the two of you.

It’s a tiny step on a lifelong journey and you know that. You know that your feelings and opinion about yourself won’t change from one day to the other, but you slowly start to accept it. You have a lot ahead of you, the road might get bumpy sometimes and maybe other times you’ll have to take a few steps back. But at the end, you know it’s all going to be alright, because you will never be alone. Harry will be your greatest support through it all and now you can finally see that.

Don’t Worry - The 1975

When you're in love but you don't know what to do with it When blackness hangs overhead like a cloud

Don't worry, darlin' 'Cause I'm here with you Don't worry, darlin' The sun will shine through

When you wake up and you don't know what day it is When the pain flows through your heart and your bones

Don't worry, darlin' 'Cause I'm here with you Don't worry, darlin' The sun will shine through

When you feel no one knows just what you're goin' through When your insides feel much colder than snow

Don't worry, darlin' 'Cause I'm here with you Don't worry, darlin' Oh, don't worry, darlin' Don't worry, darlin' I'll always love you You

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[rreyie]

k. (eren j. x reader)

summary; you're well aware by now that your feelings of eren have blossomed into something more than a fuckbuddy. but you're not quite sure if he'll agree.

content warnings; smut (18+), fingering, oral (f. receiving), vaginal, unprotected sex, unestablished relationship, degrading, use of pet names, creampie, slight dumbification, hurt at the end i’m sorry.

word count; 2.2k

a/n; the fic that has been sitting in my drafts for 2 months has been completed! anyways i’m sorry i’m advance

you're well aware by now that eren jaeger isn't just a one night stand you had a week ago. you couldn't quite call it a friendship now, but perhaps fuckbuddies- or people who banged on the low with no strings attached.

well, you wouldn't say you didn't have feelings for him by now. you couldn't tell if it was his mischievous personality or his nine inch long dick, but there were certainly more than platonic feelings on your end.

you two had met when armin, mikasa and eren bought a house to rent out for college. you were a friend of mikasa's and had nowhere to go except to the house they rented, so you moved in. you and eren clicked almost instantaneously, as if you were best friends your whole life.

the sexual tension between you two was inexplicable. and you both knew it. and that's why one day, eren chose to make his move when you two were watching "finding nemo: blu-ray dvd edition" on the couch in the living room.

you two fucked during the scene when the little red-headed girl was terrorizing the other fish. but you two don't talk about it. all that mattered was that it was good sex- and by good, you meant really. fucking. good. you had no clue how he gained all this experience, but that didn't matter either.

now you were here, nearing the end of your sophomore year. this little rendezvous with eren had lasted five months now. you two definitely fucked often- sometimes sucking him off while he was studying for is psychology course, other times bending you over the bathroom counter with a death grip on your asscheeks.

this time he had walked into your room while you were clicking away at your laptop while you sat on your bed, doing your best to study for the exam you had next week. he didn't say a word, just laid down on the bed next to you and stared up at the ceiling.

you tried your hardest to ignore him, but your train of thought was lost when he cleared his throat unnecessarily loudly as if you couldn't already tell that he was right next to you.

you shut your laptop in defeat, and turned your head over to eren, a smile ever so slightly curling on his lips. you were unamused at his behavior.

"yes, eren?" you ask, eyes locking with his jade orbs. he clearly hasn't slept in a while, telling from the dark circles under his eyes, contrasting his somewhat tan skin. his brown hair was in its messy bun like normal, tied up sloppily with some baby hairs poking out here and there.

"dunno", he responded. "just seeing what you're up to."

"mhm? well, that sounds like bullshit to me, mister jaeger", you scoff. "you always come in here and make yourself at home when you're horny."

eren sighed, and sat up from his position. "fine, you caught me red handed. but i know you're as horny as i am."

"...you're right", you admit, before he flips over so he's on all fours and crawls over so he's in front of you. the several rings that adorned his fingers glistened in the ceiling light above, his grey sweatshirt hanging loosely around his body. though what he always wore was so simple, he never failed to look breathtaking in it.

tugging at the waist of your sweatpants, eren growled a "take it off" before you slid your hands down to your waist and did as he told you, leaving you in your panties. you didn't wear nice ones today assuming you weren't going to be fucking somebody, but here you were.

the rest was done by him as he pulled down your panties, breath hitching at the sight of your wet cunt. eren licked his lips hungrily.

"wet? already? what are you, some kind of whore?"

when you only looked at him with doe eyes, he rose his voice. "well? give me an answer, slut."

his very words made something awaken in your core, and you responded with a "y-your whore, eren."

eren nodded in satisfaction, content with your answer. "you're learning."

in past experiences, you had been quite a brat to him- as he would say. constantly going up against what he wanted, trying to dominate him. but every single time he ended up pushing you back down and pounding you into the nearest surface, making you state exactly who you belonged to. but since you were being good this time, he relented.

dipping a cold finger into your folds, he collected the juices that wetted the outer lips of your cunt, savoring the warmth it provided him in contrast to his hand. in response, you jolted at the cold temperature, only for eren to hold you down by the waist to prevent too much movement.

working his fingers inside your impossibly tight cunt, he pushed in one, swirling it around in an attempt to find your sweet spot- in which he succeeded. with a hum of approval, he pushed through another finger past the bit of muscle and into your walls, placing it in the same spot the other finger was. curling his digits around that spongy spot and placing the gentlest pressure upon it. letting a pathetic whimper escape your lips, eren is quick to stop what he's doing and reach for your panties.

"w-what are you doing?" you croak, voice weak from the recent stimulation.

"shutting you the fuck up", he snapped back in response. balling up your pair of soaked panties, he stuffed them in your mouth, making you gag a little. he only smirked at the fact you were struggling. "you're just too fuckin' loud. if armin and mikasa weren't downstairs i would let you have at it, but we've gotta keep this a secret baby."

resuming what he was doing a minute ago, he moves his mouth closer to your cunt, ever so gently wrapping his lips around your delicate little clit. your hips bucked upwards as he put his two fingers in their previous spot, pumping slowly in and out.

you're only able to mumble in approval as his pumping turns languid and rough, and before you know it you're already feeling that knot that's all too familiar in your stomach. you yelp into your balled up panties that occupied your little mouth, the sound coming out muffled. erens brow raises as he removes his fingers from your fluttering cunt.

you're about to mutter something in disapproval, but eren starts talking before you. "i told you to stay quitet, princess. what don't you get about that? are you that stupid whore i thought you were? yeah, i thought so."

"'m not a stupid whore", you say, making your statement clear even though there was a piece of fabric in your mouth.

"then show it", eren demands as he slides his fingers back in, his thrusting become too quick for you to resist an orgasm, but still staying quiet so he would let you cum.

you gush all over his fingers, creamy white liquid coating his fingers as he pulls out, and places his fingers in his mouth, licking off the substance. you're reduced to a panting mess on your bed.

"that tired, are ya?" eren mocks you. "too bad. i still've got a hard cock and you're gonna take care of it." he isn't wrong. his print is easily visible in his grey sweats, at its full length and glory.

"more", you pant out. "want your cock, can handle it, eren..."

"i know you can, princess", he coos as he practically rips down his pants and boxers at the same time, exposing his hardened and flushed cock. the tip was tinted red, a few veins protruding through the skin on the side. he had a pretty cock indeed.

"bend over", he commands. shakily, you comply and get on all fours so that your head is near a pillow in case your legs give out. "that's'a girl."

you can feel him come up from behind you, and rub his warm tip over your cunt, making a shiver run down your spine. his size never failed to make you at least just a little bit nervous, it always hurt a bit when it went in but he prepped you well enough that it would slide in easily.

with his right hand, he grabbed the sturdy frame of the headboard, and with his left, started to push his cockhead into your tight little hole. you squealed as you felt his flesh enter you slowly, but soon sheathed his whole self in with one thrust.

"fuck- you're tight", he grunted, and removed his left hand so it was now gripping your ass. you could feel his fingernails digging into the supple skin, likely leaving red crescent marks. after eren took a deep breath or two, he started his movements. and he didn't relent.

the pace he was moving at was almost dizzying, making you let out a few high-pitched wails. his balls slapped up against your behind, lewd noises of skin on skin filling the room. he held onto the headboard, making the bed shake and creak with every new thrust he took.

"eren, eren, eren", you mumbled, completely cockdrunk by him. "more, more please".

eren smirked, his hair starting to fall out of his bun. "liking that? i knew it, you're just a whore. begging for my cock like always, just like the slut i've always known."

his words were mean, but they made you clamp around his dick, making him release a stuttered moan. were you perhaps sick for liking the way he degraded you? you didn't know and didn't care.

"s' good, 'ren", you gasped, wanting him to keep calling you these names and degrading you down to the bone. you would never let any man talk to you like that- only eren could, he did it the right way.

"i know baby, i know", he purred. "m' gonna cum, you gonna cum with me?"

"y-yes!" you shriek, feeling your second orgasm creep up on you, making your stomach do a somersault. "please 'ren! make me cum! need you filling me up!"

eren gave a dark chuckle, and threw his head back into a moan. your orgasm hit you like a truck, the pleasure taking over your entire body and making you shake uncontrollably, squealing into your pillow as your legs gave out. eren knew this was coming, so he removed his right hand from his headboard and put both of his hands under your legs to hold you out as he rode out his high. he jackhammered into you, balls tightening as the knot in his stomach finally snapped, making his cum spurt out of his tip and into your cunt. you were left immobile and speechless, drooling into your pillow as he pulled himself out and let his semen leak out from your hole and all over your sheets.

after he finished panting, he looked over to you. "you good?"

"mmph", you mumble, eren barely hearing you. you meant for that to be an affirmation.

he flipped you over so you were on your back, your sweatshirt still on your body. he cursed himself for not removing it, but there was always a next time. he smiled at your state, knowing he fucked you that good.

“you did good, princess”, he grinned, and pulled up his boxers again, and searched for his phone which he left somewhere in the room.

“eren”, you ask. “where are you going?”

“there’s a party at jeans dorm tonight. you going?”

you sigh. “no, studying for the exam. i need to pass it, maybe i’ll go next time.”

eren nodded, and walked out the door. “thanks again.”

staring up at the ceiling, you wondered how eren could always treat the fact you two fucked on the regular so casually. he always went around and flirted with other girls at parties, but never took them home.

well, it was now or never that you were going to make your move.

you grabbed your phone from your nightstand and unlocked it, your home screen being a photo of you, eren, armin and mikasa all huddled around the couch for a movie night. you opened your messaging app, and clicked on erens contact. this is where you began drafting your message.

| You: um okay hi eren! so thanks for today, it felt really good as always. but i was wondering if maybe you would want to take things further? we can go out to dinner thursday night if you’re free :)

reading it over once before sending, you pressed the blue button that sent the message to him. it took two minutes for him to read if.

the three dots in a bubble popped up on his end of the conversation. you internally panicked, wondering if this was the right choice.

| erennn: i mean don’t we fuck? don’t get me wrong u cool but i mean idk man

your heart quite literally froze at the sight of his message. the dots popped up again, and you held your breath waiting for an answer.

| erennn: so like fuckbuddies basically, that’s all i want rn so uhhhh yeah 💀

this was the exact moment you felt your heart physically sink. fuck, now you’ve embarrassed yourself. would he think your weird?

wanting to act calm and unaffected by his answer, all you wrote was one letter.

| You: k.

[yesimwriting]

hi, i love all your work! could i please request headcanons for what it'd be like to go from being enemies to lovers with nikolai lantsov.

thank you:)

A/N maybe i moved this up on my request lists bc i woke up today and went 'nikolai lantsov'

--

- i'm being a little liberal with cannon bc my mind first went to 'princess! reader who hates nikolai bc they're competitive and then they have to team up together to try to get their parents to break up their arranged marriage but fall in love in the process (this might be a little undetailed but i'm thinking of writing a full fic or mini-series with this plotline so let me know if you'd be interested!! i could see a smutty ending to that fic but idk,, lmk what you thing ig lol)

- Ok so first off enemies to lovers with the loml nikolai lantsov would be SO GOOD bc he's so dramatic and obviously attractive so even though you hate him you know he's hot,, there's never a dramatic realization that he's attractive bc it's just a fact

- butttt you'd rather give up any claim you have to your family's throne than feed his already gigantic ego

- okk but lets get to the beginning of your enemies to lovers relationship

- so basically every summer your parents go and stay with Nikolai's family at this super fancy vacation home bc your parents are both royalty and your kingdoms have a very healthy relationship

- just bc it's the summer season doesn't mean it's summer vacation,, so as children for about a month you two share a tutor,, and when i tell you that created a rivalry so fast i mean it

- you're not the eldest princess and you're always trying to be the best for your parents approval, nikolai just wanted to impress the really smart girl who had a pretty laugh (poor nikolai lol,, he had no way of knowing how important being the best in school no matter what was to your self esteem)

- maybe if you two could communicate you’d like each other a little better at this point but it starts when you’re pretty young and by the time you’re like 13 it’s a solidified dynamic (and 13 year olds are the MEANEST and most insecure people in the world so that’s when your relationship turns to full enemies)

- now that you’re 13 you have more princess-y requirements, especially over the summer. So when you see that Nikolai gets to practice with swords and gets more free time while you have to practice setting tables you hate him more than ever. 

- Nikolai senses that you’re extra hostile but he has no idea why,, he tries asking once but he makes a joke about how ‘maybe you’re jealous bc youre no longer the center of my attention’ and even though he’s just trying to ease the tension you feel like he’s making fun of you

- so that’s when things get aggressive, but at that point summer is almost over so it’s whatever

- next summer comes and you’re still SO MAD at him,, so when you get to the estate you’re like ‘i’m not even talking to him idc how quiet these next three months are’ 

- and you get there all determined to hate him,, but once you get there and see him something in you cracks bc he had the audacity to spend the last year going through puberty AND LIKE HE’S ALWAYS BEEN CUTE BUT THIS IS SOMETHING ELSE 

- so youre mentally panicking bc how do you even talk to someone that looks like that now???? but then you remember that you didnt even want to talk him so in a panic youre like ‘maybe i can avoid him and he’ll just assume it’s bc i hate him bc i do,, who cares if he’s unbelievably hot now’ 

- nikolai doesn’t assume anything, he just gets to the estate and is like ‘why hasn’t she insulted me yet?? is she suddenly too good to give me attention?’ so during the lessons that you still share he gets an idea

- he decides to one-up you in everything bc that’s always gotten a reaction out of you 

- it works,, every time he corrects you or steals an answer from you, you’re ready to snap but then you look at him and take in his stupidly perfect face and  you just shut up 

- nikolai thinks it’s not working so he just tries harder

- by the end of week one you can’t take it anymore so when the tutor leaves at the end of lessons you snap, you tell him off for how often he’d repeat what you said and change a few words and get all the praise from the tutor

- on the inside he’s like ‘took long enough’ but the more you rant he’s like ‘is she okay???’ he’d be more concerned if you weren’t threatening his pride and at this point he’s still annoyed bc if you were that annoyed you should have just talked to him instead of ignoring him for a week

- he’s thinking that just bc you got really pretty over the last year doesn’t make you too good to yell at him on the daily

- the worst thing anyone can do to nikolai is ignore him LMAO (lowkey relatable)

- so he starts arguing with you and you’re so upset that you forget about how aggressively attractive he is 

- and you two are alone in this room and the more you argue the closer you two get

- the climax of the argument is when neither of you are yelling, you’re just so mad you’re beyond raising your voice and once you’re both at that point it goes like this: 

“Nikolai Lantsov, you are the most insufferable person I’ve ever met” 

“Well then, Darling, you should look in a mirror.” 

“You are so entitled, so ridiculously self obsessed that it ruins your attractiveness.” 

“...” he literally just like blinks twice. “You think I’m attractive?” 

“Uh? No--i didn’t say that at all, maybe if you didn’t have the language comprehension of a child you’d understa--” he just reaches forward, grabs the collar of your dress, and kisses you. 

- it’s your first kiss so you have no idea what you’re doing and it’s with some one you CANT STAND and you’re so mad bc you had expectations for your first kiss and he’s taken that from you--but the thing is,, 

- he’s good at it. Like really good at it. Like so good it makes you curious about what he does the nine months of the year he’s not stuck here with you bc there’s no way he hasn’t had practice. 

- but you’re also extremely confused and nervous and aware of how stupid you’re being (and a little hormonal bc being 14 isn’t easy) and then he places his hand on your cheek and that snaps some sense of reality into you bc it’s one thing to enjoy the kiss but another thing entirely to want him to escalate it

- so you place one hand on his chest and push him off of you slightly. He takes the hint, pulls away enough to look at you and then you two just stare at each other 

- your hand is still on his chest and you have absolutely no idea what comes next, but you find yourself looking at his lips

- since you haven’t slapped him or pulled away more than a few inches he thinks maybe things are okay so he leans forward slightly and kisses you again. 

- you reciprocate a little too fast, the kiss lasts two seconds before thinking about how insane you’re being so you push away entirely. 

- He lets you go,, and in the most awkward display ever you’re like ‘uh I need to go,, i can’t be late to ball preparation lessons’ and you leave that room faster than you’ve ever left a room in your entire life. 

- the next day you consider pretending to be sick to avoid him but that would only give him more power over the situation so you go,, and he’s just sitting there calmly

- youre on edge the entire day but he never even jokes about it

- a part of you is a tiny bit annoyed bc who kisses you and then pretends it never happened? but overall, you’re relieved 

- the days pass and it never comes up but now whenever you two argue you think of how quickly kissing him both shut him up and got rid of your tension 

- the summer goes by quickly, your usual dynamic has returned and you wonder if he even remembers kissing you. twice. in a row. 

- the next couple of years are normal,, even when you two no longer take lessons together you still dont like him. He’s just so assured and he takes such joy in bothering you. 

- and then one summer your parents sit you down and they’re like ‘we need to plan the future alliance of our kingdom’ 

- you’re a little confused bc you’re rarely allowed to sit in on these things bc you’re a girl and you’re basically meant to just be a royal’s bride--and then you realize why you’re there. 

- you start protesting before your father can finish announcing your engagement 

- the parents were smart bc they announced it at the end of summer so you two couldn’t drive them crazy or conspire

- the first thing you do when you get back to your castle is write to him for the first time ever 

- your letter is basically ‘pls tell me you’re doing something’ 

- the two of you talk until you come up with the plan to get your parents to break up your engagement 

- your parents dont really care about your feelings and they expect the two of you to argue with them,, but they care about the kingdoms

- so you two decide that if you act like youre so in love that you let your duties slip the engagement will end,, especially if you two are in love in a toxic way 

- so the next summer you two make sure to flirt and act like youre totally obsessed with each other and skip lessons together and just are constantly together and acting like you’re on a honeymoon

- your parents are like ?? since when 

- at one point you flirt with a random guard just so Nikolai can have a ‘jealous outburst’ while your families are strolling through the garden 

- ngl jealous nikolai had you ready to RISK IT ALL,, you were ready to drop the plan and marry him on the spot 

- he notices bc he notices everything about you and when your family walks away he gives you a quick kiss and youre stunned,, much to his delight 

- your desire to break up your engagement takes a slight backseat in your mind bc you decide to set off on a secret goal to make him flustered

- it doesn’t take much, your dresses get a little more risky, your comments get a little more suggestive

- the only problem?? he seems to have his own personal goal and it’s to make you even more flustered than he is

- soon the two of you are lost in layers of pretend and competition

- when your parents are finally thinking about delaying the engagement and keeping you two away from each other until you calm down a little (i feel bad for them,, an entire summer of being surrounded by the ULTIMATE sexual tension) 

- you’re sad and you don’t know why bc this is what you wanted, but then Nikolai stands up and says that you two planned for this and he has the letters to prove it (he was ready to drop the receipts LMAO) and youre like ??what are you doing?

- and he says he’d rather marry you then never see you again bc now all he wants is to get know you bc he has no idea how he wasted so much time arguing with you 

- and you just meltttt but your in front of your entire family and his as well so you just sit there for a minute and then you tell him you feel the same way 

- but the summer’s over

- you kiss him before leaving and he says you’ll have to visit bc he can’t go an entire year without seeing your ‘pretty face’ 

- you promise to visit him soon

- your at home for exactly a day and a half before getting an invitation to visit him 

- you laugh bc the only way that letter could get to you that fast is if he mailed it before you even left 

- you say yes obviously,, and spend some time having a really cute fall-dating vibes together until you figure out how you really feel 

- and you feel like he makes your heart STOP and that’s why you hated him,, bc you didn’t like being vulnerable 

[odos-bucket]

More Protective!Batdad Fic, With the Pretense that this is a Series Mostly Given Up

They’re returning to the cave after Robin’s first night out since the start of Tim’s parents’ most recent stay in the city. It had been a routine patrol, made noteworthy only by the return of the boy wonder. They’d gotten into a bit of a scuffle with some muggers towards the end of the night, but it wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle, and they had both come away from it unharmed. At least that was what Bruce thought at the time. And he paid pretty close attention to things.

But when the domino mask comes off he can clearly see where Tim has a black eye, and a bruise blooming over his cheek.

“What happened?” He leaves his cowl and gloves on the computer, and takes a few steps closer to where Tim is fishing his civilian clothes out of a bag.

“Huh?” Tim bunches up the shirt he’s holding into a fist, and his eyes dart around for a moment without settling on Bruce. “Oh.” Fingers of his free hand fly up to hover over his injured cheek. “Thief got in a lucky shot.” His voice is a fraction of an octave higher than usual.

Bruce’s eyes automatically narrow as he begins his mental recall of the events that had transpired less than twenty minutes prior.

“I didn’t see you get hit,” he says slowly.

Tim just shrugs.

The bruise is too dark to be less than half an hour old anyway. It had to have come from sometime earlier in the day. It had been hidden beneath the mask though, and they’d both already been in full costume when they’d met earlier that evening.

Before Bruce can say anything else, Tim is ducking into a private alcove to finish getting changed. He’s a bit slower at it than usual, and Bruce wonders if that could be indicative of other hidden injuries, or if Tim is just drawing it out to avoid further scrutiny. Several minutes go by, and he finally clears his throat.

“Tim?”

“Just a second.” The words come out quickly.

Bruce goes to change himself, only to find that Tim still isn’t out by the time he’s finished and returned. He knocks gently on the wall that’s partitioning off the section of the cave where he’s changing, and hears a soft startled gasp, before Tim’s scurrying out.

“Yep! Sorry! Sorry! Just a little spaced.”

“Tim.” Bruce hopes his voice sounds gentle. “What happened?”

“What do you mean? I told you-“

“Don’t lie to me. That didn’t come from just now.” Bruce pauses and sighs. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Tim shakes his head.

“I won’t tolerate you hiding injuries from me.”

“I’m not.”

They stand looking at each other for several drawn out, silent seconds.

“Were you patrolling on your own?” Bruce asks after a minute. “I’m going to find out if you-“

“No.” Tim sounds even less like his normal self when he cuts in. “I promise I wasn’t.”

“All right. So what is it? Did something happen during the day?”

As much as Bruce wants to know about it if Tim’s getting into fights at school, or somewhere else, he recognizes that it may not be his place to intervene if this wasn’t vigilante related. That’s fine (at least so he tells himself) but he’d like assurance that someone’s looking out for his Robin.

“Is it something you can handle with your parents?” He tries.

Tim’s eyes widen for half a second, and then he bursts into tears.

Bruce briefly freezes, before returning to himself and rushing to Tim’s side.

“I’m so stupid,” Tim is muttering, barely discernibly. “I’m sorry. I was so stupid.” The words barely come out between bouts of gasping, shuddering sobs.

Bruce wants to beg him to tell him what happened, but settles for reaching out a careful arm, and slowly pulling him close. Tim freezes for a fraction of a second, before melting into his side, continuing to mumbled unintelligibly.

“It’s all right,” Bruce tries to sooth, very aware that he doesn’t really have the voice for that sort of thing. “You’re okay.” He desperately wishes that he could offer some more specific reassurances, but he still doesn’t know what’s going on. “I’ve got you,” he settles for, running a hand through Tim’s hair.

They stay like that for a while, Tim crying, and apologizing, and Bruce telling him it’s okay, and wishing he could be sure that it was true. Eventually the tears dry up, and the breathing evens out, and the tense body beside his goes limp with exhaustion. Bruce doesn’t let go, not until he feels Tim starting to shift around restlessly. And even then he stays close enough to be easily collapsed into again, should the need arise.

“I messed up,” Tim says, after a few false starts.

“Whatever it is, we can fix it.” A ridiculous promise, and one that Bruce normally wouldn’t be making without more information. But somehow- without Bruce meaning to allow him to- Tim has joined the narrow ranks of those capable of inducing him to speak or behave a-procedurally.

Tim shakes his head.

“Tim, I want to help, but you have to give me something to work with.”

Tim is too focused on keeping his eyes dry, and his breathing steady to respond.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Bruce forces himself to offer, forces himself to remember that this child isn’t his, doesn’t need him the way the other robins did.

Another sob escapes Tim, and he buries his face in his hands. There’s a pang in Bruce’s chest as he realizes what he has to ask next.

“Did something happen at home?”

The question is met with heavy breathing, followed by a drawn out silence, and then, finally, a slow nod.

Bruce forces down his rising anger, as Tim finally gathers himself to speak.

“I don’t know if they want me to go back.” It comes out in a hoarse whisper. “Dad was so mad at me.”

Fury coils in Bruce’s gut, and lies in wait for his next question to be answered.

“Did he do this?” He gestures to the black eye.

“It’s never happened before,” Tim rushes to say. “Nothing like this ever has.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Bruce practically growls. Tim, to his credit, seems entirely unaffected by the intensity of the tone.

“I started it,” he says.

“… There’s no way that’s true.”

“Bruce,” Tim chokes out, leaning back into him.

“I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Bruce pulls him close like he could absorb Tim into himself, like if he holds him tightly enough he can keep him safe- as if he’s actually capable of keeping any child safe. This will never happen again, he wants to say, I won’t let it. His mind is racing. He doesn’t want to let Tim back into that house, doesn’t want to let him out of his sight really. He’s never been able to fathom how the Drakes can have this selfless, determined, brilliant child in their care, and be so willing to spend all their time away from him. He’s been wary of them from the beginning. But he never imagined that they could pose this kind of danger to their son.

“This is so stupid,” Tim grumbles into Bruce’s shoulder.

Bruce can’t disagree, though he’s a little worried that they aren’t on the same page about what exactly that means.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Tim continues after a minute. “I thought- I thought things were going well!”

“Telling me was the right thing to do,” Bruce says quickly. “If somebody’s hurting you- no matter who it is-“

“That isn’t what I mean.” He takes a deep breath, and leans back a little bit.

Bruce watches patiently, as Tim calms his nerves, and steadies himself.

“I… told Mom and Dad about Connor,” he breathes. “Not the alien clone thing, obviously. But, I told them that I was seeing someone- a guy- and I don’t even know why I did it! In the back of my head I knew there was no way it was going to go over well. I knew that. I was just, I don’t know, feeling happy, and okay for the first time in a while. So I thought-“ He shakes his head. “I mean I didn’t think; that was the problem. And Mom reacted the way I knew she- the way I should have known she would. And I got mad, and I started yelling at her, and Dad, when I yelled at her, Dad, that’s when he- he…”

Bruce’s heart breaks. It’s not like he’d imagined that Jack Drake would have a good reason for lashing out at his son, but this was nothing.

“I’m still not hearing anything that you did wrong.” He forces himself to stay calm.

“Trying to come out to them was dumb! I didn’t need to do it. They were leaving soon anyways, it shouldn’t have mattered!”

“No. They shouldn’t have hurt you,” Bruce says fiercely. “This is part of who you are, so it should always matter. It’s not stupid to assume that people who are supposed to care about you would want to know more about what’s going on in your life. Tim, you did nothing wrong.”

He runs a hand up and down his back, like he’d done when Dick had nightmares as a child.

Tim glances at him out of the glassy corner of his eye, and scrubs his hands roughly over his face, before mumbling something that Bruce doesn’t catch.

He waits for a beat, before quietly asking if Tim will repeat himself.

“They don’t want me coming around here anymore,” he says more clearly, voice suddenly empty. “They- they saw that interview you did a couple years back, where you came out as bisexual.” His face is tinged pink, ashamed to even be repeating his parent’s words. “So they think that I, I don’t know, caught it from you, like it’s contagious or something. But I didn’t know where else to go! And I- I don’t want to give this up…“ He gestures broadly to the cave around them as hiccuping breaths overpower his speech.

Bruce just holds on as Tim continues to cry, softly repeating that he didn’t do anything wrong, carefully keeping the furious voice raging, ‘those bastards won’t take you away from me,’ under wraps. He doesn’t let himself think about every other instance of his sexuality being cited as a factor making him an unsuitable guardian that he’s committed to precise memory, the vicious arguments that his children should be taken away from him, the fact that if he hadn’t been born so lucky in so many other ways they might have been. Tim doesn’t need him to be angry, Tim needs him to be smart.

They wait out the tears again, until they’re not falling so heavily, and Tim is shuddering occasionally, rather than continuously, and can compose himself enough to speak.

“I didn’t mean to dump all this on you,” he says once he’s mostly calmed down.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Bruce threads his fingers through locks of lightly tangled hair. “I’m so glad you told me what happened. You’re going to stay here tonight, okay?”

Tim is with them often enough when his parents aren’t around that they already have a room made up for him, a room which after less than a year has come to show more evidence of his personality than his bedroom at the Drake’s mansion.

Tim nods.

“Thank you.”

Bruce squeezes his shoulder.

“Do you still have pajamas here? Or do you need to borrow a pair of Dick’s?”

It’s something easy in a moment where everything feels impossibly difficult.

“I brought them with me when I went home.” His breath catches on the last word, and it only half comes out.

“That’s all right. Dick won’t mind.”

Now it’s just a matter of getting themselves upstairs. There will be more to worry about tomorrow, much more, and it will undoubtedly only increase in the days that follow. Bruce will have to figure out whether or not Jack and Janet Drake are looking for their son, and he can’t quite decide which the worse option is at this point. He’ll also need to make sure he understands what exactly is within his power to do to keep Tim safe. Bruce stops himself before he can begin preparing for the future too obsessively. He brings himself back to the present moment, stairs, pajamas, bed, all very manageable tasks.

He just really doesn’t want to let go of the child in his arms. The realization that Tim might need him more than he thought is overpowering, making him feel violently protective, and a little bit terrified.

Some of the strain of the moment breaks when Tim uses the side of Bruce’s arm to stifle a yawn, but it’s still a little while longer before they’re ready to head upstairs.

When they do, Tim wanders up to his room, where Bruce hopes he’ll find easy rest. He stays awake and finds Alfred. There’s a lot they need to talk about.

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

an icarus and his sun: chapter 11

A/N: bit of a shorter chapter this time, so i was able to get it out quicker! scott pov again :)

Warnings: injury, fever, unconsciousness, mild amnesia, corruption/infection, self-blame, self-worth issues, talk of death

AO3 Link - Tumblr Masterpost

-

Scott drifted in and out of consciousness, unsure of what was happening. He didn’t even register where he was at first, just heard faint but familiar voices. Then he was being lifted up, his head gently tucked into the crook of someone’s neck, and someone else’s delicate touch supporting his wings. Then some innumerable amount of darkness later, and he registered laying on something soft before there was a hand on his arm and a yelp. The yelp had sounded like Gem- had he made it to her empire? More murmuring voices, and Scott drifted out again.

The next time he drifted towards a more semi-conscious state, he was instantly filled with relief. He hadn’t really realized how warm he felt until something cool was placed on his forehead. If Scott had the energy to, he would have let out a grateful sigh. Then a hand gently ran through his hair, and Scott just about melted- in a good way this time, instead of the fever-warm kind. He must have made some sort of reaction, because he heard a half amused, half relieved chuckle from above him.

“I think the compress is helping,” the owner of the chuckle said- voice so devastatingly familiar but Scott’s brain was too fever-addled to remember who it belonged to. Inexplicably it made him think of slimeballs and glimmering scales, but he didn’t have the slightest idea why.

“Or playing with someone’s hair is the cure for corruption,” another voice teased. There was an indignant reply, a laugh from the second voice- but Scott sank into darkness again before he could decipher who either of the voices were.

-

Scott was shivering the next time he came to some semblance of awareness. Something soft was pulled over him, and whatever was put on his forehead before was adjusted. The hand in his hair was gone though, and he managed to make a distressed sound at that. There was a soft murmur, some comforting words that Scott couldn’t quite make out, but then there was a hand in his hair again and Scott sighed in relief. He managed to blearily blink his eyes open, and met the gaze of a pair of soft brown eyes wide with surprise and concern. The owner of the eyes had a mess of blond hair on his head, and somehow that felt wrong to Scott. The eyes he knew, but the hair… he felt like it was something he shouldn’t be seeing. But at the same time he felt he had seen it before, on a night with shimmering bronze details, dancing, and betrayal. But Scott couldn’t place why he remembered those things when looking up at the person gazing down at him.

“Easy, you’re alright. Let’s try and get some water in you, maybe a health potion too,” the devastatingly familiar man said. He shifted away from Scott, causing a distressed sound to leave his lips. The man chuckled.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Just gonna help you sit up a bit,” he murmured, doing just so and letting Scott lean on him when he couldn’t stay upright by himself. His wings reflexively stretched out, and Scott let out a relieved sound at the ache in his wings lessening slightly. An amused giggle came from somewhere on Scott’s other side.

“Guess we should probably make sure he’s not resting on his wings too much, huh?” the owner of the giggle said in a teasing tone. That got a semi-flustered nervous chuckle from the man holding him, who had started to gently prod Scott out from where he had been tucked into the crook of his neck. Scott made a displeased sound, trying to nuzzle into the man’s hold further. Another giggle sounded.

“Gem, stop laughing at me and help, he’s being clingy,” the man pouted. Wait- Gem? Scott knew that name. Why did he know that name?

“Don’t act like you don’t like it, Jimmy,” the other voice- Gem, apparently, teased back. The name Jimmy definitely sounded familiar, it sparked butterflies in Scott’s stomach and reminded him of teasing banter and cocky smiles. The man- Jimmy- sighed and finally got Scott out from his hiding place in the space where Jimmy’s neck and shoulder met. His head was tilted back, and something cool was pressed to his lips. He eagerly drank down the water, earning him a gently reprimanding “slow down” from Jimmy. But soon the water was gone, and despite it helping him feel much better than before, Scott found himself incredibly drained of energy as he slumped back against Jimmy. He made a distressed sound as he felt darkness tugging at him again.

“It’s alright, you can rest. I’ll be right here, I promise. I won’t let you go, ever again,” Jimmy said with gentle determination. He wasn’t sure why, but Scott felt relieved at the assurance. His eyes slipped shut, and he dimly registered a hand smoothing out his feathers as he let the darkness claim him once more.

-

Scott’s next semi-coherent moment was one full of pain. It felt like there was fire spreading out from his forearm, all the way up to his shoulder and down to his fingertips. There was something pulsing and squirming beneath his skin too, in tandem with the pain in his arm. He let out a choked scream when someone touched his arm, the pain intensifying so much that Scott felt like he could barely breathe. Someone took his other hand, and there was a hand gently running through his hair. Scott relaxed ever so slightly at the familiar reassuring touches, even as tears of pain started streaming down his face.

“It’s okay, breathe Scott, you’ll be alright. Squeeze my hand if you need to, it’ll be okay. I’m here, I promised you I’d be right here, remember?” a voice said- and Scott wanted to remember. He wanted to remember this person’s reassurances, wanted to remember why this person’s voice inexplicably meant so much to him- but all Scott could do was scream as the pain intensified again.

“We have to stop, this is only hurting him,” another voice said, cool and collected with an undertone of worry. The pain stopped, and Scott sobbed in relief, his hand loosening the tight grip on the other person’s hand- when had he started clutching at him so tightly? His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath, his already blurry vision darkening at the edges.

“You’re alright, sorry about that, we thought maybe that would work. We’ll figure something out, I promise,” the first voice said, running a hand through his hair. Scott wanted to ask how this person was so confident that everything would be okay, but he passed out again before he got the chance.

-

The last time Scott woke up, he thought he was dead. This was the most coherent he had been in a while, but despite that, he somehow saw Jimmy sitting beside him, eyes closed with his cod head nowhere to be seen and a hand loosely clasped over Scott’s. Surely this had to be a dream, or some sort of bizarre afterlife where he saw visions of Jimmy actually caring about him. All those hazy memories from before, of someone Scott now definitely knew was Jimmy soothing him and reassuring him? That couldn't have been real. Why would it be? Scott had betrayed Jimmy. He shouldn't want anything to do with Scott… but that didn't mean Scott didn't want to enjoy the fantasy while it lasted.

Jimmy suddenly stirred beside Scott, hand gripping his own a bit tighter and causing his heart to flutter. Soft brown eyes blinked open, hazy for a moment before they registered Scott staring right back. An elated, relieved grin came over Jimmy’s face, and Scott really must have been dead or dreaming to earn a look like that. No way that the real Jimmy would care about him that much after everything that Scott had done.

"How are you feeling?" Jimmy asked softly, and Scott could only blink in confusion.

"Am I dead?" Scott blurted, voice hoarse from such little use. Jimmy let out a nervous chuckle at the outburst, shaking his head fondly.

"It was admittedly looking pretty bad… it's still not looking great if I'm honest- but your fever's finally gone down. So you're alive," Jimmy gently explained. Interesting. So maybe this was a fever dream then? But if this was real, and Scott really was going to be okay… he had so much he needed to say to Jimmy. He needed to explain himself, properly apologize for what he had done. He had to take this chance, even if it wasn't real so that Scott could at least finally live with himself- if he was even going to live at all.

"Jimmy-" Scott started, but was cut off with a choked gasp as pain suddenly flared in his arm, shooting all the way up to the top of his spine. It felt like there was something clawing inside him, trying to latch onto him and pull. He was suddenly gasping for breath, hands clutching at the sheets and at Jimmy’s hand.

"Scott? What's wrong, I'm here- Gem!" Jimmy called, standing up but still tightly holding Scott’s hand as he leaned over him with a worried expression. Scott was shaking now, trying to hold back whatever the hell it was clawing up towards his head. Tears sprung to his eyes as he gasped and shuddered, a death grip on Jimmy’s hand.

"I'm sorry," he managed to gasp through the pain. "Sorry" didn't even begin to cover it, there was so much more that Scott wanted to say- but the whatever it was suddenly latched onto Scott’s mind, like claws digging into his skull and forcefully pulled. His body seized one last time with a cry before going limp, his hand loosening his hold on Jimmy’s as well, and his eyes fluttered shut.

And then Scott saw nothing but red.

-

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