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reflectionsofacreator · 4 years ago

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So like. I kinda sat down to write about this one, and I feel like I don’t know what to write about. There’s a lot to write about, but like... [scrubs face] it’s like, there’s a lot of emotional (sledge)hammers with this one, and it’s hard to pick apart so I can actually talk about it. Paralyzed by there being so much, you know?

God writing this one was like pulling teeth, tbh.

Buckle up lads, this one clocks in at over 2k. Mobile users I’m so sorry.

I think the first thing I’m gonna tackle is the name of this one. It’s called The Truth, but in the context of Clay, that previously had an incredibly specific meaning. “The Truth” wasn’t so much a phrase as it was referring to the real truth of the Precursors and the nature of Eve and Adam, and the truth of humanity as a whole. Historically, every mention of “The Truth” around Clay refers to that specific idea, and now we have a new thing that uses the same name. It’s kind of interesting too, because the Truth that Clay shared was very explicitly something he was giving to other people, after learning about it for himself. And in this case, this is Truth that he’s being given, either about his situation, or the situation of his successor.

This memory opens up with a doctor and Warren Vidic talking, after the episode that Clay had with the Bleeding Effect, and the doctor makes mention of Clay having been here a year already. He administers a medicine that’s actually an anti-psychotic, as a way of trying to stabilize Clay’s deteriorating mental state. There’s no guarantee that it’ll actually work, is the issue, mostly because the Bleeding Effect isn’t exactly a well known mental condition, and what everyone knows about it is simply what they’ve found out via the Subjects. Which is a very small group of people. I do wonder, though, about the Bleeding Effect as a .. hmm, genetic thing? It’s seeing the memories of your ancestors superimposed over your own perception of the world, and it’s implied that it’s because of the Precursor DNA that you can even have that happen, because it’s linked to Eagle Vision. Or at least, that’s what I’ve gotten so far, I could be completely wrong.

The conversation with the doctor gets shooed away in favor of a conversation between Clay and his father, and like. I really wonder at the timing of it, if it’s supposed to be a conversation that Clay had while he was in Abstergo. It’s possible that it was a conversation that happened before Clay got sent in, but he sounds too resigned and weary I feel like, to have it happen outside of his imprisonment. Another reason why I feel like it’s after is because the last conversation we heard with Clay and his father was during the Bleeding Effect, when Clay was telling him about the Assassins, and things dissolved into a fight when Harold made it about money. This conversation feels like it’s a while after that, after Clay’s resigned himself to not being able to really convince his father of anything.

Before Clay dives into the mainframe, there’s another glitch, which causes your controller to rumble. The screen goes noisy, and what shows is an exit at the end of a long walkway. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen glitches or hallucinations, but it’s freaky literally every time.

We watch as Clay starts to hack through Abstergo’s systems after that, and the actual design of “going into” the mainframe is covered in a dozen different firewalls. It’s a neat sort of visual way to show just how hard Clay’s hacking is, as well as how many firewalls there are, because if he gets caught, he can get killed.

Right before he goes in, on the right side of the “mainframe” is a code cipher.

This is a Caesar cipher with an alphabetical shift of 3, and it reads "Lucy, she Is aLways behind You." The capital letters spell out LILY -- traditionally lilies were associated with death. Now, you could interpret this as “Lucy’s got his back, she’s his teammate.” Which like, maybe. But with the addition of the word lily, and knowing that Lucy betrays him... nah. It’s more like she’s a threatening presence that needs to be watched.

Clay snoops through Vidic’s mainframe and learns that Vidic is specifically after Desmond. Now, we know that this is at least over a year of Clay’s being here, and that Desmond was captured September 1st. What I’m really saying is just how long did Abstergo know about Desmond, and what lengths did they go to research him before they took him? Another question I have is like -- I know ac1 said that Abstergo found him via his fingerprints for his motorcycle license, but just how would that give them access to his genetic profile. Granted, that’s probably some early installment weirdness of ac1, but. (That being said, I remember reading a fic where they made mention of Desmond donating plasma for cash, and that’s how Abstergo found him, which is more believable than fingerprints....)

I also can’t help but wonder like -- what’s going through Clay’s mind as he realizes that the Desmond Miles that Juno spoke of during his Bleed is the next Subject, and his successor? Or is it that he was completely unsurprised because Juno gave him a look into the possible future with the Calculations?

Anyways, Clay finds out what Vidic wants, and excitedly says that they can leave, and we follow the path to see what looks like a broken stone circle at the base of two beams of light.

(The wireframe is just the gameplay mechanic) I have... no earthly idea what this is, or what it could possibly mean. I think this is the only broken structure you see in all the memories, Desmond or Clay’s. It’s vaguely reminiscent of a broken film wheel, but I’m not sure if that’s what it’s supposed to be. But like, it’s so goddamn conspicuous because it’s the only broken structure we find. ls it supposed to symbolize a broken trust, a loss of faith after witnessing the “play” unfold?? .

Speaking of the “play”-- what the fuck. What the actual fuck. Is it supposed to make me uncomfortable? Because by god it did that. The sharp departure from how the rest of the narrative has been told is jarring as fuck, especially because it’s so like, proper. I swear, all that’s missing is like, a slightly off-key oldtimey music track and you’ll have a full blown horror segment. Maybe I’m just being dramatic, but like -- finding the broken wheel when that’s already something weird, having the camera forcibly taken away from you so you can watch this performance. And like, just listening to Warren monologue at Lucy is disturbing as well, for reasons that are hard to articulate.

It’s like -- Meta wise, I know why she’s not talking. Her voice actress, Kristen Bell, had left and didn’t renew her contract (as her contract was only for 3 games), thus not being able to voice Lucy for any further appearances. IIRC, this is actually why Lucy was written to die, instead of simply recasting her, and then they had to scramble to make the “She’s a Templar!” twist work. Jury’s still out if it did or not, but like -- I do appreciate them trying to explain why she defected during her undercover years, but like... Ugh. It still leaves such a sour taste in my mouth, because it’s obviously a writing scramble and not a cohesive narrative that was plotted from the beginning.

For a comparison, Clay’s story and ultimate fate feels complete, it feels alright. Yeah, it’s arguably a worse fate than Lucy, he died twice over, but like. We knew he was dead from the first moment we saw him, we knew that there was only one way that this could really go, a tragedy. There was a clear progression of his story, and the fact that you know how it ends. That being said, I do wonder about Clay’s death as a Subject in ac2, before the plotbeats of Lucy being a Templar were set in stone for Brotherhood. I know that the 20 glyphs in ac2 did talk about how Lucy was there when Clay killed himself, but I kinda doubt that it was in the same context of “she was supposed to save him but deliberately betrayed him due to her loyalties”. I guess what I’m getting at is that Lucy’s story feels terrible due to the writing surrounding it, while Clay’s feels deliberately terrible because that was the point.

Back to my original point of “Lucy not talking”-- while there is a meta reason for it, I kinda want to ascribe a narrative reason, despite the meta outweighing the narrative.

Lucy is characterized by almost never showing the full extent of her feelings or motivations, leaving you to wonder what’s actually going on in her head constantly. Sure, she leaned on Desmond a lot, but there’s also an undercurrent of a power imbalance there, and we always got the sense that she kept more to herself than she revealed. By having Warren talk at her, we’re further kept from knowing just what she felt about all of this, and instead we’re given another glimpse of the strange relationship that Warren and Lucy had.

Warren was her boss, but also her superior in the Templar order, and the man who saved her life from his own company. Back in ac1, Lucy recounts to Desmond how she was attacked in the middle of the night, going to be silenced by Abstergo so she couldn’t talk about the Animus, only for Warren to save her life by telling the men to stand down. The assailants were people that she interacted with every day, even ate lunch with. This is after she’d been with Abstergo for a while, and finally feeling like she was being taken seriously with her work (as well as her undergrad thesis/work) she was going to be killed to keep quiet. We don’t actually know why Warren saved her, but it’s my firm belief that that’s when Lucy changed alliances to the Templars.

However, I do wonder about the confrontation between Lucy and Warren at the end of ac2, during the credits. I know, I know, her being a Templar wasn’t really a thing in ac2 (I think), so therefore you have to take it all with a grain of salt, but like. The conversation here brings attention to it, where Warren tells her “Make sure you look very upset. You need to be convincing.” And I can’t help but wonder if Warren and Lucy ended up trading insults that hit way too close to home in order to further the deception... It wouldn’t be hard to pretend to be hurt if she actually was hurt by what he said, y’know?

I think the last thing about Warren’s speech that really bugs me is like -- he tacks on the whole “Oh, yes. Once inside their hideout, perhaps you might ask the Assassins why they left you alone for so many years.” And like. That just gets under my skin in a lot of ways because like-- he’s got a point, the Assassin’s methods are Rather Horrible™ with how they completely cut her off for a deep cover mission at seventeen (no I will not ever be over that), but the way he says it just. He’s clearly manipulating her to entrench her further onto his own side, and I just. Ngh. I kinda wonder if the delivery of the line was intended for the audience rather than Lucy herself, because she already knows all this, and for him to bring it up feels like an insult to her intelligence. It feels kinda slimy in a way that I can’t really describe. Or maybe it’s just because I just do NOT like Vidic.

There’s also the question of like, how did Clay see this -- this is all dramatized for the sake of us, the audience, but did he watch this via video feeds or something??? The thought of him watching Lucy and Warren talk about his successor is kinda jarring tbh. Also this throws a wrench into the ending of ac1 (though tbh what DOESN’T throw a wrench into ac1) where they were going to dispose of Desmond only for Lucy to intervene. Is it because Warren and Lucy were operating on their own project that wasn’t exactly approved by the Templar higher ups?? Or something??

This whole memory says that Desmond was their goldmine for the amount of genetic information he held, so why would the higher ups -- wait. Unless the whole thing was a ploy by having Lucy speak up in “defense” of Desmond in order to get him to trust her some more.... Hrm.... Granted that fits, it’s just a sort of way of re-contextualizing the ending of ac1...

Waves hand anyways Clay finds out about this plan for Lucy to gain Desmond’s trust and give them the data, and then we finally have control again. There’s this sort of distorted error noise, and the red blocks start to fill up the room, threatening you as they force you closer and closer to the screen, which only shows a picture of a door with a strange symbol on top of it.

This is the symbol for 3 Juno, an asteroid in our solar system that’s the 11th largest, and contains 1% of total mass of the asteroid belt. It was discovered September 1st, 1804, by Karl Ludwig Harding, and initially considered to be a planet, along with a few other asteroid/dwarf planets at the time. It was given this symbol, ⚵, like how Mercury, Venus, and Jupiter all have their own symbols.

Aside from the obvious “hey that’s Juno, she’s the big bad of this shit”, there’s a couple things that stood out to me. The date of discovery, September 1st -- that’s the same date that Desmond got captured by Abstergo, gives me pause. I’m not sure if it’s something that was intentional on the dev’s part, or if they were just looking for a symbol that would represent Juno. Either way, that’s enough of a coincidence that it makes me feel unsettled, the same way that Lucy was bothered by the date of the satellite launch being 72 days away. It might just be an honest coincidence, but considering that this is Clay we’re dealing with... nah.

Another thing that the AC wiki told me is that this is also the symbol for the Instruments of the First Will, an in-universe religious organization that worships the Precursors, and specifically Juno. Now, this organization doesn’t actually appear until at least ac4 Black Flag, and continues on all the way through Syndicate. This is more like an early bird cameo than a full blown reference, as we still have to get through ac3, But it’s still interesting to point out and look at, and wonder what’s going on with it all.

Anyways, the door itself is actually part of the screen, and impassible, and it stays that way as the bricks come closing in, chasing you. It’s really tense tbh, with this feeling of claustrophobia on top of the revelations you were forced to watch. It also doesn’t help that like. You had control wrenched away from you so you could watch the conversation, and the speech was long enough to lull you into maybe putting your controller down to watch, and then with a rumble you suddenly have control again and are being chased towards a door that doesn’t open.

The picture of a door becomes an actual door after the blocks get closer and closer, and we break through into the light, and onto memory 7.

If you like what I do, or want to see any other sort of analysis, consider buying me a ko-fi!

#Lucy Stillman #Clay Kaczmarek #Assassin's Creed #fuck it this goes in the main tag cause i'm proud of it #i'm so fucking sorry mobile users #motherfucker unlimited #creator plays ac rev #creator plays ac lost archive

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thatcomesandstaysfire · 5 years ago

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So I know I missed the Catching Fire rewatch (and The Hunger Games rewatch...oops) but I finally have a chance to sit down and watch CF. I’m just gonna put every little thing that pops into my head here...sorry in advance

- That depiction of her ptsd? *chef kiss*

- It’s kind of dumb that they set that first Gale kiss inside the fence. I just remember my reaction reading when Snow said he knew about the kiss that took place outside the fence. Like, oh shit how much do they know? Is there anywhere that is safe?!

- Haymitch would be good at baseball

- Peeta’s Glow-up yall! Too bad they put him in some of the stupidest outfits

- Donald Sutherland and Jennifer Lawrence are soooo good in the office scene

- I kinda wish they included her mom drawing her bath and adding the dried flowers.

Peeta: That was nice acting

Katniss: You too

Peeta: bruh

- when that peacekeeper realized the door was open

- seriously what is that sweater, peeta?

- oo yay their favorite colors

- its scenes like ^ this one, or any direct quotes really, that make me disconnect a bit because Jen (especially) and Josh are NOT Katniss and Peeta for me. Idk dude

- district eleven guts me. so well done! and when Haymitch hugs and katniss, and says it will be alright, but all she can see is the older man’s corpse being carried away!! perfectly sets up how helpless and dangerous it all is.

- “Will you stay with me?” “always” still a little salty we didn’t get this scene after the tour when she injures her foot, and we get the “I didn’t quite catch it.” The pay-off from that in Mockingjay made me flip, it hurt so bad.

- Honestly still salty about how many Everlark they cut.

- “Everyone wears [their hair] like this now, Grandpa” Do you think the did this to deliberately call out crazed (superficial) fans by saying they’re just like the capitol. We’ll wear your hairstyle and obsess over your love story while ignoring the real message.

- Caesars FACE during the proposal! Stanley Tucci was excellent casting

- ooo gales grumpy

- Cant get over that random capitol extra that touches Jen’s shoulder during the party at Snows mansion

- “All mahogany” brilliant

- I wish they’d kept peeta’s original line from the books when they’re told about the liquid that makes you puke. “You go along, thinking you can deal with it, thinking maybe they’re not so bad, and then you-” which leads to the “maybe we were wrong, katniss” It’s such an important moment! But in the movie, Peeta’s line “there are people starving and twelve and here..” doesn’t have the same revelation or same rebelliousness too it.

- Phillip Seymour Hoffman does a great job, but the whole characterization of Plutarch in the movies is way off for me.

- This movie is really dropping in a bunch of small pieces of fan service that were lacking from the first one. The Hob gets mentioned, and now we see Ripper. Not like only-movie viewers will get that.

- I wish we had Peeta protecting Katniss from seeing Gales whipping like in the books. Peeta’s kindness and self-less love for Katniss are perfectly communicated through that entire event, and in the movie, we only really get a glimpse.

- I HATE that they made Ms. Everdeen basically incapable of healing and had Prim take over. I get it, Prim is underdeveloped but you don’t need to take away one of the few things Katniss admires about her mother in order to make Prim more likable

- aw puppy dog peeta

- oof I am not a fan of Willow Shields acting. It’s so flat.

Katniss: What do you see

Prim: o_o hope

- I will never not be mad at haymitch for the “thousand lifetimes” line

- Ugh! I know that gale kiss before the reaping was supposed to communicate (I guess?) that Katniss chose gale and shes saying goodbye or whatever, but ugh i hate it. It is unnecessary

- That one slip of paper in the bowl still kills me. I remember people laughing in the theaters.

- aw effies face

Prim: o_o Katniss! Katniss

- white t-shirt, black jacket peeta. unf he looks like a greaser. One of the few good outfits they put him in.

- Sugar cube scene - FLAWLESS. I love Sam Claflin

- Jena Malone is exactly how I pictured johanna

- Also “Katniss’” reaction to Peeta agree to unzip, hilarious, but that is all Jen.

- Wiress, Beetee, and Mags are also really good casting

- PEETA WHAT ARE THOSE PANTS?? (you all know they ones I’m talking about)

- The Rue painting? the Seneca beard on the dummy? the bow? Excellent

- “If it wasn’t for the baby”..... then that smirk! Then haymitch’s lil cheers! its soo good. Also josh’s little trot up the stairs in his little white boots? hilarious.

- Haymtich’s nipples...that is all

- “remember who the real enemy is”

- Pissed we didn’t get an everlark quick during the breif “see you soon” scene before the quell

Snow: Look at them holding hands. I want them dead

Plutarch: Be Patient

Snow: bitch what did you say to me

- NOOO CINNAAA

- Goddamn that entrance into the arena! the way its shot is so disorienting and overwhelming. Well done Francis.

- Peeta’s got a kill under belt folks!

- “Gods it’s hot” yes you are

- Finnick you cheeky bastard

- What i wouldn’t give to be Finnicks elderly backpack

- That snotty kiss after the force field. Katniss trembling. Finnick’s look of realization. I do wish they included the line about “It’s probably her hormones” though.

- Its a SPILE!!!

- the gasping, moaning and groaning when they’re drinking water/when they’re treating their boils from the fog--- so suggestive, i can’t

- Peeta ended quite a few monkeys, how can yall say he’s weak

- Peeta easing the morphing while she dies is a very well done scene and it is shot beautifully, but it would’ve been so much better with the direct lines from the book. It's so much gentler and lovelier.

- Where is the green ointment? Where are the childish shenanigans??

- Katniss and Wiress are CUTE!!

- missed out on yet another everlark moment after the cornucopia spins

- YYOO the jabberjay scene is so intense! And peeta pushing his head against the force field, look so helpless to get to katniss breaks my little heart

- BEACH SCENE!!!!

- Lol plutarchs little “make yourself comfortable” while we know he’s off to his hovercraft.

- See you at midnight----So that was a lie

- Just a comment but Jen’s hair in every scene in the arena looks so good.

- “REMEMBER WHO THE REAL ENEMY IS” she’s got it folks

- Snow is STUNNED

- Jesus motif - katniss is legit T-posing in the hovercraft claw

- the scene katniss attacks haymitch and then being subdued is perfection. THE DRAMA

- that extended closeup at the end, where we see the RANGE of emotions that crosses her face, i just, Jen is really talented.

Verdict: Haymitch’s nipples

But for real, CF is my favorite movie in the series. It’s not perfect, but as a movie ADAPTATION, it's pretty great.

#thgmovies #this is really long #oops

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novelelitist · 6 years ago

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Wow I just saw your Cú post through my tag tracking and it was SO LOVELY! Now I would like to make a request as well. But if you're good with doing m/m writing, I would like to ask for Male Summoner x Ozymandias. He's hot and I'm Big Gay. Please and thank you in advance ♡

BLESS YOUR SOUL MY GAY SON. I appreciate you. Thanks for checking out my work. Feel free to stick around!

Since you just found me, TLDR: my “niche” is writing situations that are believable within proper characterization. That is to say, I’m not here to give people the fluff they want, nor will I break character if I can avoid it. My goal is to keep it real for the characters we love. I hope you like it!

Ozymandias Romance with Male Master

Is it offensive for a 21st century gay boy to want an Egyptian pharaoh to fuck the shit out of him? You do some research to find out.

There are only a “handful of direct hints” remaining about the representation of homosexuality in ancient Egypt, that are “vague and offer plenty of room for speculation.”

Why are all the remaining texts so full of Shakespearian-style Egyptian language? None of this shit makes any sense.

But ancient Egyptians did live sexually liberated lifestyles and were the masters of debauchery. Men probably messed with other men.

Chaldea hosts many old guys that are able to offer their wisdom. You ask a couple of Chaldea’s kings their opinion on whether or not it’s okay for a young commoner man to want romance with their king.

Iskandar: “The heart is stronger than the rest of the body.”

Caesar: “I’ve bed many a beautiful boy. Delicate specimens.”

Vlad III: “You choose what you want and defend it with your life.”

Darius III: “RAAAOOOOARRRR.”

David: “God loves all men, and we were created in his image.”

This was a fruitless effort. But lo and behold the great Gilgamesh Archer and Gilgamesh Caster come into your conversation bickering over how they want to phrase their wisdom.

“A king decides on their own who is worthy of their affections regardless of sex. It is not up to the commoner.”

You ask what the case is if that king has past lovers.

“If those lovers are unable to be summoned or join the king now, then they are without consort. They are nothing more than history.”

With this newfound knowledge you are more comfortable approaching the pharaoh, though you can’t be certain how he’ll react.

Ozymandias has a tendency to be… dramatic. Unpredictable. Dangerous. A threat to himself and others.

More of a threat to others than himself.

You approach the King of Kings’s personal quarters and shove aside the limestone slab he calls a door (but is really just remnants from his pyramids). Upon stepping inside the slab shifts back on its own. Ominous.

His sanctuary is set up as a king’s bed standing in the middle of a desert oasis. Flowers bloom along the bank of a small river where little fish skitter at your approach. Cat tails line the immaculate tiling. Embellishments mimicking a throne room are detailed throughout the servant’s living space.

Underneath the sheer canopy covering the regal bed lies Ozymandias flipping through a book. He casts a surprised glance up at your entry. “I was not expecting visitors today, Master. Have you come to worship me?”

You gulp. Stand your ground. You’ve got this. “Something like that, actually. May I come in?”

“You ask my permission after entering my domain and assume I will grant it.” He shuts his book and pats the spot beside him on his bed. “I give you the honor of joining me.” You push back the golden canopy and sit beside the pharaoh. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

It is then you realize you don’t have anything prepared to say to the greatest pharaoh of the New Kingdom of Egypt whose brother parted the Red Sea and whose first born was lost to a plague because he pissed off God. Good start, Master.

The discomfort shows as you stop to think. Ozymandias nods in understanding without you speaking. “I see. That would be troubling for one such as yourself.”

Did he just read your mind? “

“I would be appalled if you weren’t taken by my presence. A pharaoh such as myself that is born of the sun itself deserves a world of worship.” He sits up and leans toward you, grinning. “I do find you intriguing, though I cannot pinpoint why. I find myself pleased by your face and enjoying your company.”

You open your mouth to clarify your situation. He presses his finger to your lips. “Do not interrupt me, mage. If you wish to be wooed by me, I will not deny you. You will be swept away. But there are conditions for this that must be met.”

This is going better than expected. You nod with enthusiasm.

“You will acknowledge that I am your ideal ruler. You will remain responsible for providing me with mana and instruction for battle. You will worship me with the fervor I deserve. And finally…” He grips your chin and brushes his thumb across your lower lip. “I will worship you the same.”

You sputter. Meltdown. Oh no. Mayday, mayday. “Isn’t that a lot happening too fast? That seems like–”

“Nonsense!” Ozy shouts, pressing his forehead against yours in an act of dominance. “Every moment wasted is one your life may end. I do not worry for too fast. You may keep up with me, or you may not. The choice is yours.”

…You know, he has a good point. This is all so unexpected. Why does he have to be so reckless? Hectic. Confusing. Did Gilgamesh spill your concerns to him? There’s no way he should’ve been this prepared. Maybe it’s his ego. Boy oh boy your friends back home never would’ve believed this.

“Well, Master? Speak. Will you follow me or not?”

#ozymandias headcanon #ozymandias headcanons #fgo #ozymandias imagine #ozymandias #fate grand order #grand order #fate/grand order #fate/prototype #fate prototype #fate ozy #ozymandias fate #fsn #fate series headcanon #fate series headcanons #fate stay night #novel elitist

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ashleylovesbooks-blog1 · 6 years ago

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Book Review - I Am Livia by Phyllis T. Smith

Livia, historically, really gets a bad rap. She is known as this manipulative and cunning woman who was only out to further the interests of her sons, future emperor Tiberius and famed general Drusus. Recently, I re-read a book in which she featured heavily as an antagonist, Cleopatra’s Daughter by Michelle Moran. That book has Livia set up a slave to be brutally raped, plotting to marry young girls off to super old men to get them out of the way, and bullies her son constantly. Happily, that Livia does not exist in this book.

Phyllis T. Smith gave Livia the characterization she probably deserves. Here Livia is not a manipulative, poisoning psychopath. She is shown to care immensely about her family and those who are important to her, and what woman wouldn’t? Yes, she does some scandalous things but it is for the reason that her family is not seen as a threat. Especially the whole, you know, divorcing her husband to marry Caesar Octavianus when she was pregnant with her second son. That was just a bit sketch.

I think she’s only given a bad rap because she was an extremely powerful woman and her husband treated her as an equal. Look at how her contemporary, Cleopatra, was treated. History is written by victors, and most of the time, the victors were men.

Wow, I went on a tangent…Um, anyway, I loved Livia’s character in this book. She was human. She was fearful of the future like I’m sure so many were in that time period. She treated others kindly and did charity work, and was an outspoken woman in a time when women were supposed to just sit there and be quiet.

Her relationship with Octavianus/Caesar Augustus, or Tavius as she calls him, started out as instalove which was a bit contrived, but eventually it got fleshed out. I especially loved their relationship in its early stages when they were confessing their love for each other. Of course, I felt bad for her first husband, Tiberius Nero, who actually seemed fond of Livia, but when the future emperor tells you gotta divorce your wife, you just do. Augustus was a very complex character. I never knew where he stood and it bothered me…in a good way. Towards the end of the book, when they are discussing their possible divorce after a blow up, it was nerve-wracking. Even though I know they remain married for a REALLY long time, but I was still worrying about what would happen next. I wondered if the author was ultimately going to have them divorce secretly, but still rule together as a married couple anyway. Of course, they reconciled as most couple do in a historical romance.

I enjoyed learning about this time period through the eyes of a Roman woman. There are a lot of books about the assassination of Julius Caesar, the Battle of Philippi, and the defeat of Antony and Cleopatra through several other perspectives, namely that of Cleopatra. I mean, I get it. The life of Cleopatra was exciting because she was always in charge of her own life. Livia, on the other hand, was powerful in her own right but was still a Roman matron with zero rights. Nonetheless, it’s still interesting to see the other side of the story. I have to say, the part where Antony sends the letter of divorce to Octavia was cringe-worthy. Honestly, if I was Augustus, I probably would have went to war too.

I truly did love this and I don’t really have any gripes about it. Oh, and the prose! I read this book in only two days (mostly because I’ve been in the apartment all week with the flu), but I could not put the book down. There were a few typos, but the sentences still flowed, and there were a few nice quotes.

Rating: 5 star

Favorite Quote:

“I wonder how many women from time immemorial have thought that if only women could rule the world it would be better than it is.”

#historical fiction #ancient rome #i am livia #phyllis t. smith #livia drusilla #caesar augustus #mark antony #cleopatra

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sparklyjojos · 6 years ago

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Some final commentary on Cosmic

which turned into yet another analysis of JDC, Tsukumojuku and Jorge Joestar because I have zero self-restraint. Half this post is searching for overarching themes and wacky theories, have fun with my ramblings I guess

[big spoilers for Cosmic and Tsukumojuku, not really for Jorge Joestar]

While I decided to finish Cosmic first, the recommended reading order is Cosmic (1st half) -> Joker -> Cosmic (2nd half). I guess this better ties both books together and helps avoid some Joker spoilers that are in Cosmic. The new edition even encourages it by labeling the tomes of Cosmic with Ryu and Sui, and Joker with Sei and Ryo. So you’re supposed to read “Seiryo in Ryusui” *rimshot* The cover art is also meant to be put together in that order (notice that the last cover also connects to the first though, and you can try putting the shorter edges together too):

On the book’s theme, and some meta:

I’m actually glad I’ve read Tsukumojuku before this, as it gave me a solid grip on the meta and the ridiculous detectiving. It made me LOVE the very ending, especially the “walking towards the end of the story with this tiny last moment lasting forever” part -- in hindsight of Tsukumojuku’s ending I almost cried at this point. The meaning’s a bit different, of course: Tsukumojuku has the triplets realize they should leave their daydream, and so it was both a sad and joyful ending, with them trying to stretch their last moments being ‘Tsukumojuku’. Cosmic has Juku and Yasha being a little apprehensive but determined to reach ‘the end of the story’, and at the end, they’re happy and joking around while (wittingly or not?) walking into eternity as the book ends, and with it their existence (...which doesn’t sound nearly as dramatic when you know there's a sequel).

Adding to that, I believe the last words imply the author (=the heavens forever watching over the characters) is joyful about the end (’the heavens themselves laughing’). Note that when Juku (or is it?) first appears in the book, in that post office scene, right after the 19 consecutive tragedies we just had to read through, we learn that ‘the heavens have been crying, but now it was as if they started laughing’, and Juku looks up at the sky and smiles. The end of the epilogue has the second-person someone (the reader?) be sad about the book coming to an end, with statements like ‘just two paragraphs remain until the end’ (and there really are only two short paragraphs in the book left after this!), and describing the heavy rain that starts in those two paragraphs as ‘the heavens crying’ (so... the sadness of both the reader and the author?). Finishing a good book, whether as a writer or a reader, is indeed both a joyful and a sad event. Similarly, the detectives are all happy and inexplicably sad when Juku claims the case has been solved. (There’s an echo of this theme even in Jorge Joestar, when with mere 15 pages left until the end of the book Jorge cries because ‘this adventure’s almost over’.)

I love the reccurring existential theme having to do with being a fictional character. It wasn’t as in-your-face as in Tsukumojuku, but it was there. While I skipped that in recaps, one of the locked room stories features a delusional man who believes he’s just a character in a novel. While scary, this belief is somewhat comforting too, and he notes it’d be nice to have a role to fulfill; to die with the sense you achieved all that you were meant to do, that The Author loved and appreciated you for who you were, and that you’re going to live eternally through a novel. (Jorge Joestar has Tsukumojuku mention how having a role to fulfill under Beyond’s care gave him comfort -- same thing, really.) But the character understands that all stories will eventually undergo destruction, and dreads it. Of course, the final message of the book, strengthened by the final events (the cult’s failure, Shiranui dying right after Juku’s birthday, and even --the book itself ending--), is that we have to accept that nothing can last forever, and the old will be replaced by the new, stories included.

When Juku and Yasha revealed the culprit’s initials, I honestly thought that he’d turn out to be the author, and the reason why they got different initials was that Juku saw the pen name (Seiryoin Ryusui) and Yasha the real name (Kanai Hidetaka). Since Yasha seemed shocked that Juku said ‘S’, I thought it meant that Yasha saw a full name but neither of the initials was ‘S’. I also thought Otohime’s advice -- to ‘look at the events from a distance’, to ‘withdraw yourself from events’ -- actually meant you have to look at the story from a distance... that is, lean back and look at the book you’re holding, which has the author’s name on the cover. Later, the sudden fourth wall break during the press conference scene, with the author prompting the reader to think carefully about who the Locked Room Lord may be, and writing his signature right under that question, only made me more sure. And there were a bunch of scenes before the Big Reveal in which other JDC characters reacted to the solution with feeling as if their world was destroyed, or getting drunk, or stressing out rather hard, so I expected they got hit with existential crisis upon learning The Truth, and that Juku will just go full meta and say that the culprit is the author: the one who really designed and 'committed’ the murders. Though with the book ending as it did, it’s not a stretch to say that Seiryoin really IS confirmed to be the true Locked Room Lord. In a way.

Other random comments:

This book is positively untranslatable. It features stuff like extensive kanji wordplays; messages in Caesar cipher but using the dictionary order of hiragana; deciphering a number as if it was an old-fashioned pager message; or reading the final message by putting the first syllable of the last kanji of the victims’ names together. And that damn Matsuo Bashou pun. All the name puns, really.

The language is rather hard, definitely harder than Maijo’s works. I think I’ll take some time to get better Japanese skills before going for Joker. (The JDC book I expect to enjoy the most is The Simons’ Case, though -- young Ajiro dadding over solving a case with kid Juku sounds amazing, and it’s a lot of fans’ fave)

For some reason, the main characters sure like to have the ‘castle’ kanji (城) in their names, like 鴉城蒼司 (Ajiro Souji), 龍宮城之介 (Ryuuguu Jounosuke), and 天城漂馬 (Amagi Hyouma). ...I can’t help but notice that a certain 城字ジョースター (Jouji/Jorge Joestar) would fit right in, lol. He pretty much is a meta-detective already, what with all the confidence and insight he gets from his Beyond.

I live for Ajiro’s and Juku’s relations. LOVE this stressed detective dad being proud of his ridiculously kind detective son.

Unexpectedly I also loved the friendship between Juku and Yasha. (With added tears because, y’know. Inugami Yasha. Investigating with Tsukumo Juku. Being friends and stuff.)

I like Ryuuguu Jounosuke quite a lot, both because of his character / reasoning skills, and because he’s as canonically aroace as he can be in a 90s book. not that you’d know that with all the Hikimiya/Ryuuguu yaoi fanart on pixiv

Unfortunately, I can’t praise Seiryoin for good rep as he’s miserable with other representation. The locked room chapters feature the depraved rapist bisexual trope, then a Bury Your Lesbians trope, and then this weird thing where a young guy has a gay crush and concludes that he must have become gay because he was abused by his mother (???)... but as it later turns out, in reality (ie. not in the manuscript) the object of the crush was a woman, so the gay part didn’t even happen. The fuq? Also there’s a one-scene-only black woman officer who’s only there so we can be told how physically strong and intimidating she is and I’m not sure how I should feel about that. I’m also pissed off that when a male detective uses vague reasoning out of nowhere, more a supernatural feeling than anything else, he gets called a meta-detective and is oh ah so elite and amazing!, but when Nemu does it it gets called ‘woman’s intuition’ and ‘fuzzy reasoning’ and she’s not considered a meta-detective, fucking really? (Maybe it is a little different, idk, she wasn’t detectiving a lot in this so we didn’t really see what she’s capable of)

On the other hand, I liked that the way Juku encouraged Nemu to become a detective involved using his connections to arrange meetings with other disabled detectives, so she could talk frankly with them and get a feel for how high-tier detectiving while disabled (esp. in terms of sight-related disabilities) is like. That’s a nice detail.

Speaking of him... Tsukumo Juku is pretty Mary Sue-ish in this, which I don’t mind (and I would be more surprised if it didn’t turn out to be intentional later), but I can imagine other readers not really liking him that much. I’ve read that Juku unfortunately doesn’t really get deeper characterization until the Carnival books, where we learn fun little stuff about him, eg. he’s horrible at cooking, and his ringtone is the opening for Manga Nippon Mukashi Banashi (an old anime introducing little kids to folktales). (I’m wondering whether or not the Kintaro thing in Jorge Joestar is related to this somehow? I don’t have many spoilers for Carnival, maybe there’s more folktales references... aside from the Ryuuguu family’s names referencing Urashima Taro, that is. And now I wonder why Jorge gets a folktale-related kids song stuck in his head so easily hmmm)

It was never explained who sent the manuscript to JDC. So far, judging by the scene with the beautiful androgynous person at the post office, and retroactively by the entire Story-sending mess in Tsukumojuku, I’d say it was Juku himself, somehow. A time-travelling Juku from the future, maybe? I don’t know anymore, man, but I’ve read that previous cases of the series come together in Carnival, so here’s hoping it gets explained better than as “a ghost did it maybe”.

For the longest time I kept wondering where the personality dissonance between this Juku and the Detective God in Tsukumojuku came from. Why would this ever gentle, kind and forgiving character be written as some vore murderer monster dude? So, here’s my current Reaching Theory TM. We know the Detective God really is ‘an Angel’ as he claimed, since in the Seventh Story, Tsukumojuku realizes that he himself is actually not ‘the Angel’ but ‘the Beast’ (he thinks about it during that, er... awkward chest pipe moment, if you remember). Now, canon Juku actually is compared to ‘an angel or a god’ in Cosmic, and it’s a good descriptor: he’s kind and forgiving, but has the sorta detached, not-quite-human air; he’s androgynous, unnervingly perfectly beautiful, and one shouldn’t look directly at him for too long. The Detective God, on the other hand, is an Angel in the same way those demons from Jacob’s Ladder are: only when you stop holding onto mortal life (the imaginary world in Beyonds’ case) and accept your death (accept you have to go ‘outside’), you may notice they’re actually angels who have been trying to help you realize the truth. Through brutal means, but still. I guess the Detective God was created by the part of the Beyonds’ subconscious that understands they have to accept the reality, or something. He’s a bit like Silent Hill monsters in this way. Note that the person the Detective God mainly attacks (and possibly talks with him off-screen earlier) is the Original. And the Story it happens in, Fourth (II), is the point after which the Original probably started thinking about the plan involving killing everything they hold dear to make them face reality. It was really Detective God who first made the Original and the Second One aware of ‘God’ -- even if indirectly: getting them to think about ‘God’ by making them refute the claim that Seiryoin is their God, getting them to think about what the presence of ‘the canon Tsukumo Juku’ before them means for their own existence. Or Maijo just likes to write hard vore and i’m thinking too much

#sparkly reads cosmic #long post #maijo and jdc stuff #hcs meta and stuff #uhhh I guess I'll also tag this as #jorge tag #though it doesn't have a lot of jorge #tsukumojuku spoilers #jdc spoilers #and surprisingly #jacob's ladder spoilers

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schmergo · 6 years ago

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Hey so in ur Henry post ya talked about Poins like once but he’s ma fave so I was wonderin if you had thoughts about him/if Hal is more Machiavelli then does it change Poins for you? Cause i always seem them as p affable bros? Is who you got playin him making you think bout him different? 10/0 blog btw

This is a great question. I love Poins, too, and I think our Poins is really good.

First of all, I do want to say that even though we’re characterizing Hal as more on the Machiavellian end of the spectrum of potential interpretations, we’re not playing him as villainous. The questions I answered yesterday were mostly ones that pertained to his worst qualities. I think Hal is very charming, witty, and fun and should be likeable. He can be cruel and commanding, but he can also be very merciful and vulnerable.

And his talents can be better served doing more important things than hanging around with a bunch of losers in a tavern, something that he knows fully well and is waiting for the opportune moment to prove himself… but it’s still really hard for him to make that change in his life when the time comes sooner than he expected.

SO! Poins! They are indeed affable bros. I tend to think of Poins as being like the Sirius Black to Hal’s James Potter– the loyal second-in-command who is perhaps a little cooler, edgier, and more reckless than his BFF. Poins is not at all awed by Hal’s royal status and their friendship is more or less equal and very familiar, always lounging or leaning on one another. We actually have a female actor portraying Poins, changing the first name from Ned to Nell. She has a lot of stage presence and is a very bold performer (she was our Julius Caesar last year), so she doesn’t just hang out in Hal’s shadow.

Poins disappears in the second half of the play, though, so we cast the same actress as Hal’s younger sibling (John of Lancaster in the original, Jane of Lancaster here). The idea was that he had sort of replaced his father and sister in his life with Falstaff and Poins, but that when it comes to the battlefield, he learns to form relationships with his actual family and becomes very close with his sister. Hal begins the play with Falstaff and Poins and ends the play with King Henry and Jane.

We’re not doing Part 2, but since Poins appears in that play, too, I like to think that he remains friends with Poins, but they don’t see each other as often as they once did.

#Henry IV part 1 #Ned Poins #itc #@justanawkwardwhitegirl

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jcmorrigan · 7 years ago

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I am currently sailing the vast and wide oceans aboard a fairly big ship known as the “Jumba/Pleakley.” I know not how long I am going to be in the obsession phase over these two. I actually got hooked on it a while ago, but I think what kicked it all off was me FINALLY watching Stitch Has a Glitch for the first time and seeing how perfect they were in that. So I wanted to take a little time to tell you why I think this ship is amazing and also why I feel like it’s pretty much canon at this point. Because I seriously do think that at some point, the writers of the Lilo & Stitch extended universe realized what they were doing and barely bothered to hold back.

When they first meet in the original Lilo & Stitch, Dr. Jumba Jookiba and Agent Pleakley (who we wouldn’t find out had the first name “Wendy” until extended canon kicked in) are complete and total opposites who hate each other’s guts. I personally love ships that start out with some rivalry. This is partly due to personal reasons (i.e. when I was immature in high school, my method of flirting with others was to act like a jerk) and partly because watching a relationship evolve gives it extra strength. If you’re going to go from enemies to friends to pretty much lovers, you’ve got to bond over a lot and come to thoroughly understand each other.

But let’s stop for a moment and break down the archetypes at play here. You have Jumba, who starts the film as a criminal and has a dark past, ultimately doing the right thing but with his own brand of cheekiness and a little disregard for morality where he sees fit. On the other hand is Pleakley, a naïve cinnamon roll who’s just trying to do the right thing. Does this dynamic remind you of anything? Because it should.

The “bad boy/femme fatale” and the “sweet summer child” are a duo that Disney actually LOVES to use in its canon romances. Sometimes they get along from the get-go, but in some cases, like Rapunzel and Eugene, they actually don’t, and once again, their journey is about coming to understand each other and see the beauty in each other.

Back to Jumba and Pleakley. They remain in pretty constant rivalry throughout the original film; some moments between them could be interpreted…problematically. However, their adventure in attempting to catch Stitch gives this duo kind of a fire-forged quality. You never see one without the other from the moment they’re introduced to each other, and the audience comes to appreciate their opposing personalities as well-played comedy. Even if their chemistry is “We have nothing in common,” there’s still a chemistry there.

That isn’t to say they don’t have their moments. For one, the disguises they choose to look human after Pleakley insists they need to blend in to avoid panicking the locals are probably meant to evoke the look of a couple. For another, there’s the scene where they observe Stitch’s first night in Lilo’s room. Their fight over who gets to wear the wig is playful, and Jumba posing the question to Pleakley of what it’s like to have nothing, not even memories to look back on, is perhaps the first instance of dialogue they have that isn’t vitriolic. Of course, Pleakley doesn’t actually say much in return, given the fact that he’s just survived a mosquito attack of epic proportions and is in no state to talk…

By the way, do we REALLY think he put all those bandages on by himself? Just food for thought.

When Jumba and Pleakley finally decide to change gears and help Stitch and Nani rescue Lilo as opposed to bringing Stitch to task, they still aren’t really getting along, but the fire-forged aspect of their alliance stands out a lot more. There’s one more scene I really want to draw attention to here. During the spaceship chase, at one point, a blast from Gantu hits the ship in such a way that it nearly misses completely obliterating Pleakley. This is played for laughs, but the way it goes down, he freaks out about almost getting shot…

Then Jumba looks back over his shoulder at him after hearing the scream…

Then the shot cuts back out to the ships in pursuit.

The way this is framed stands out to me. They could have just done the shot of Pleakley’s reading being interrupted by him ALMOST GETTING INCINERATED for the joke, then cut back to the ships. Or they could have gone with Jumba looking back at him, then turning back forward to make some comment to Nani about the structure of the ship being compromised by the gunfire. But what comes across by this shot sequence is that Jumba looks back at Pleakley just because he heard him scream: just because he wanted to visually confirm that Pleakley was okay. I’m not sure if that’s what was intended, but that’s how it reads to me, and I think that shows just how far their bond has come. They started out as enemies forced to work together, but at the very least, they’re used enough to each other’s presence that if one of them cries out in fear, the other is going to check up on him.

By the end, they both move into the same house, which is a little surprising given the friction between them for the bulk of the film. Again, it speaks to the idea that a bond has grown between them due to all the time they spent together on their mission.

That brings us to the extended canon, where their relationship after the adventure that brought them together is actually ironed out and explored. There are a couple directions to go here. “Stitch Has a Glitch” is generally seen as taking place before “Stitch! The Movie” and the animated series, at least according to how the Disney Wiki seems to frame it and TVTropes refers to it. Disney itself views the animated series canon and “Stitch Has a Glitch” as alternate universes, but I like to put them under the same umbrella. In truth, I actually think “Stitch Has a Glitch” has to come LAST, after “Leroy and Stitch,” for characterization reasons that I will discuss when we arrive at that point. I won’t be going into anything regarding the “Stitch!” anime or “Stitch and Ai,” as I have little interest in either of those series and don’t consider them part of my personal canon. If you prefer them, then more power to you; I’m sure there’s a lot of subtext to dig up there for Jumba/Pleakley as well.

To go in the chronology I’ve specified, we’ll begin with an assessment of their relationship in “Stitch! The Movie.” When we start out, they’re roommates, but they obviously still have their differences. When Gantu comes calling, they have an argument over whether or not Pleakley should take and hide the other experiments; Jumba wants Pleakley to take his creations and hide in a box, obviously caring more about the safety of his creations than Pleakley’s well-being. Pleakley, on the other hand, doesn’t consider how much trouble Jumba is in because of the experiments, simply pushing them back because they’re “something evil.”

This is also the film that further’s Jumba’s personal character arc. It’s not done in any complex manner, but at the beginning, he claims to still be a lone wolf, and is surprised by the end to figure out that he actually is part of a family now, and one that is working hard to secure his safety, to boot. That falls right in line with how he and Pleakley interact at the beginning; we have proof positive that Jumba is thinking only of himself because he doesn’t think he could have a caring relationship with anyone at this point. Pleakley’s stance is more ambiguous, but it probably still carries some bad blood from how they used to be at odds. (Though we do hear Jumba use the term “little one-eyed one” on Pleakley after the argument, which sounds strangely like a term of endearment.)

When Jumba actually is taken, however, we see Pleakley more distressed. He begins his comical quest of phoning every single planet in existence to see if Jumba is on any of them (“Oh, I get it! Detention CELL PHONE!”). When he and Jumba finally do connect via phone, they’re visibly pleased to be talking to each other again. By the time Gantu and Hämsterviel interrupt the call, they’re completely off topic of the subject of Jumba’s capture; Jumba is in the midst of telling a stupid joke. Hämsterviel commandeers the call, and we’re given that side of the call from Pleakley’s perspective as he hears the demands Hämsterviel lays down. He relates the demands to Nani, and as he gets to “…or we’ll never see Jumba again,” he actually breaks down. While no tears are visible, it’s evident from his tone and body language that he’s either close to crying or he’s actually there.

Then, of course, when Jumba does return to Earth, he undergoes the revelation that yes, he is part of a family. During the hostage negotiations, we also see Pleakley there to bargain for his life, trying to talk Gantu out of shooting him because “He’s allergic to plasma blasts.” So, no, at this point, while the two of them are shippable, they still aren’t at a place where the subtext can be considered romantic. It does, however, speak to a friendship having developed. We clearly see Pleakley show legitimate concern for Jumba’s well-being since his capture. It’s not as obvious from Jumba’s end, but he does come to terms with the fact that he has people who care about him and, by assumption, people he cares about, and Pleakley falls within this group. And again, we’ve now seen him visibly brighten when Pleakley calls the Detention Cell Phone (I’m still not over that pun).

As we move into Lilo & Stitch: The Animated Series, their relationship becomes a good deal more filled with subtext. They still pick on each other; that element never goes away, but it’s much more light-hearted. (And, once again, speaking from personal experience, that can mean flirting.) I won’t touch upon every episode (pretty much just the ones I used for my fanfic), but I’ll try to hit the high points.

“Spooky” has Pleakley outfitting the pair in what are very obviously couples’ costumes for Halloween: once as Cleopatra and Julius Caesar:

and once as Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler:

(I find it difficult to imagine Pleakley actually LIKING “Gone With the Wind,” but he obviously digs the aesthetic.) This is relationship coding.

Then comes the infamous episode “Fibber.” This episode’s plot revolves around Pleakley’s family pressuring him to get married to a woman of their choosing. Pleakley tries to escape the obligation by pretending to be engaged to Nani, prompting his family to arrive on Earth to witness the wedding. When Pleakley’s mother arranges for an actual minister to make the wedding legally binding, Nani backs out of the scheme. Of all people, it’s Jumba who fills in as a replacement bride, dressing as a woman and showing up for the actual marriage ceremony. Keep in mind that Nani left because this marriage would have been legally binding. Jumba has no problem with this little catch.

This episode also demonstrates some of how much more physically comfortable Jumba and Pleakley have become around each other. There’s a gag in which Pleakley forces a human-sized wedding ring onto Jumba’s finger, which is obviously very painful. Immediately after that, we get this shot:

Which could be read as “I’m touching the person I’m supposed to be marrying in a convincing way to make it look like I can’t keep my hands off ‘her’,” but, given the timing, I actually see more as “I’m sorry I did that to your hand and this is the best comfort I can offer right now.” Later, when Gantu crashes the wedding to make chaos, as Gantu is wont to do, Pleakley’s first reaction is to leap into Jumba’s arms:

And Jumba’s instinct is to catch him.

The end of the episode also evokes a coming-out narrative, with Pleakley admitting to his family that he doesn’t want to get married (fit a heteronormative mold) and his family chewing him out before admitting that they accept him the way he is. Having this narrative play out juxtaposed with a sham marriage to a male character puts a little extra context around the fact that Pleakley and Jumba were very nearly married.

“Nosy” has what becomes the usual of Jumba and Pleakley acting like a married couple in public. In order to keep up their charade, or because they actually are that close at this point? But interestingly enough, when Nosy, an experiment obsessed with airing out embarrassing secrets, reveals the dirt he got on Jumba to experiment 625 (who is not yet named “Reuben”), he happens to mention that Jumba has a drawer full of love letters. He never specifies who the letters are to or from, but there are at this point only so many people, and one of the options is super obvious.

I have nothing to say about “Hunkahunka” because Jumba/Pleakley was pretty much the one pairing that DIDN’T occur and I will be forever bitter about this missed opportunity. (Just as bitter as I will be about there being no Huntsman+Gantu alliance in “Morpholomew.”)

“Skip” explores an alternate future caused by Lilo messing with time travel (for the second time in the series). Hämsterviel has conquered the galaxy, and Jumba is living alone in the repossessed and broken-down Pelekai house. As Jumba lists off all the woes of the world, he does mention that Pleakley has landed a job as a television fashion critic, and names this as the one bit of “good news” he has. It’s small, but significant in that he has actively seen Pleakley’s life turn out better than his own and calls it good news. He’s not jealous at all. He’s just happy because his other half is happy.

“Snafu” features an interesting B-plot in which Jumba and Pleakley admit that they do not fully understand the concept of “love” (which has interesting implications as to society in the Galactic Alliance outside of Earth) and set out to research it together. From the get-go, that’s already a ship trope: the duo who is always together sets out to find the true scientific meaning of love. What gets me is when Pleakley first proposes his study. He actually suggests the idea to Jumba while doing this:

Again, these two are very physically comfortable with each other at this point, and I can’t say I know many people who are “just friends” who would get into this position casually, especially while talking about the meaning of love. Anyway, Jumba shoves him off and rejects the proposal, but is brought back around to it when he realizes the power of love could potentially be used for evil. Somehow. Pleakley goes along with him on this. For most of the series, whenever Jumba brings up doing anything for evil, Pleakley uses that as a point of criticism; he still has a strong moral compass, while Jumba insists, even after three years of heroic deeds, that he is a villain (NOBODY BELIEVES YOU ANYMORE, JUMBA, SO JUST DROP IT ALREADY). However, even when evil experimentation is on the table, Pleakley is willing to drop the argument just so he and Jumba can work on the project together.

This culminates in the pair mixing several comical ingredients (stale Valentine’s Day chocolate, sand from a romantic beach, puppy saliva) into what they believe to be the distilled essence of love. Jumba then hands it to Pleakley, and Pleakley drinks it. I’m going to reiterate this; Jumba gives what he believes to be the DISTILLED ESSENCE OF LOVE to Pleakley, who DRINKS IT IN FRONT OF HIM. You have to wonder what they really EXPECTED to happen, knowing that love is a bond between two people. Of course, it does nothing. (Please do not try drinking melted chocolate, sand, and dog spit at home.) But if your first instinct upon holding the essence of love is to hand it over to your close friend to have him drink it, I think you already have a slight idea of what love is, and it has something to do with that friend.

For my final exhibit pre-Leroy, I want to talk about something that did not happen in the show proper, but, if sources are correct, almost did. It was by a very happy accident that I stumbled upon this original deleted storyboard for “Ace,” dubbed here by Ron “Keeper1st” O’Dell (who does a VERY accurate job of capturing each character’s verbal tics): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4QWt8Hbl4g

First of all, wow.

Second of all, WOW.

I’m still reeling from the very fact that the original plan was for Jumba not only to get kicked out of E.G.O. because he PERSONALLY went in to save Pleakley from drowning, meaning that he valued Pleakley above his reputation as an “evil genius” after all, but to say along the way about Pleakley, “His existence is meaningful to me.” That right there feels like a coded “I love him.” Do you know what I would personally give to have somebody say that about me?

Then there’s what comes after: the expressions they trade after Jumba states that family is more important. The toast Pleakley tries to make to Jumba to call out how kind of a person he actually is. And then, of course, because Jumba is a rascal who can’t just let someone call him kind and get away with it, he arranges for an entire strawberry pie to get smacked in Pleakley’s face. Some things never change. But the scene in total is very full of heart, and it’s also very in line with how we’ve seen the relationship develop over the series. Jumba and Pleakley obviously ARE very important to each other. They’re roommates, they almost got married, and even though they argue all the time, they always do try to come to each other’s rescue (Pleakley bargaining for Jumba’s life in “Stitch! The Movie” and Jumba chasing down and confronting Gantu to rescue Pleakley in “Poxy”). By now, their interactions are very sweet.

What really propels them into OTP water for me during this phase of the canon is just how much time they have to interact with each other. Even the big promoted heterosexual power couple, Nani and David, don’t show up in all that many episodes together, but Jumba and Pleakley are in pretty much EVERY EPISODE with something to say about each other, either good or bad. There’s always a new interaction to incite feelings, whether they’re relatably picking on each other or becoming closer in a heartwarming way.

But “Leroy and Stitch” is a whole other ball game. The conclusion of the series, canonizing it as having taken place over three years, it begins with the alien members of the Pelekai household becoming recognized as heroes by the Galactic Council and going their separate ways to realize new destinies. Jumba is reintroduced to his old laboratory, where he begins creating a brand-new experiment. Pleakley is given a supervising professor job at a university, which disappoints him because he thought he would be working with students, but that is not the case. And Stitch becomes a captain, piloting his beloved Big Red Battleship. One of the themes of the film is that while it is important for Lilo to learn to let her loved ones go, when they’re all apart from each other, they become miserable; the people they care about are more important than titles and honors.

With Jumba, however, this is realized in a rather telling way. Once he makes progress on his new experiment, take one guess who the first person is he calls out for to come see what he did. Yes: it’s Pleakley. Jumba specifically calls out for Pleakley to come look at his work before realizing that Pleakley isn’t there. Oh, wait, did I say Pleakley was the “first” person he calls out to? Make that the “only” person he calls out to. Because he doesn’t mention “626” or “little girl” at all. He calls for Pleakley, realizes he’s alone, and immediately pops in a record of “So Lonesome I Could Cry.”

Hämsterviel then takes him hostage, because it’s seemingly Jumba’s destiny to become Hämsterviel’s hostage at least once every three years. During this time, Pleakley is also coming to terms with the fact that he misses Jumba. He deliberates between whether or not to call Jumba by looking back and forth between a phone and…oh, what’s this?

A picture of Jumba and nobody else that has a permanent home on Pleakley’s desk!

When he makes the call, Jumba tries to get him to stay away without giving away Hämsterviel’s presence. This prompts Pleakley to try a line on him that has become INFAMOUS in the L&S fandom: “Are you sure you don’t want to talk to your Aunt Pleakley? I’m wearing the wig!” Okay, at this point, the writers aren’t even trying to hide the relationship coding. This is pretty much canon.

Hämsterviel forces Jumba’s hand, and Jumba tells Pleakley that he never wants to see him again. This results in a display on both ends of how much they care about each other. Pleakley fires off his own barrage of insults before the call ends, at which point he just lays his head down on his desk and cries. This angst lasts for all of five minutes, but I think you just can’t help but feel for him at this point. The other half of his dynamic duo just told him he never wants to see him again, and he’s reduced to an emotional breakdown. I personally think that Pleakley in general is in need of as many hugs as he can be given, but ESPECIALLY at this moment.

Jumba, on the other hand, says one of the most poignant lines in the entire L&S canon when it comes to their relationship: he tells Hämsterviel that making him be mean to Pleakley was the most evil deed of all.

I just want you to sit back and think about that for a minute when compared to how Jumba treated Pleakley in the first film. They were a fire-forged alliance, but Jumba also regarded him as a nuisance and wanted to be rid of him. We’ve now come so far that Jumba thinks Hämsterviel making him be mean to Pleakley is THE WORST EVIL OF ALL. He has to know that at the other end of the galaxy, Pleakley is having a breakdown. He knows Pleakley too well to NOT realize this is happening. And that has to be giving him his own version of turmoil.

But of course, saying “I never want to see you again” does NOT ACTUALLY STOP PLEAKLEY, who shows up at the laboratory not five minutes later, just in time to get captured by Hämsterviel as well. And then you have this exchange:

“I just wanted to make up!”

“Next time, send flowers.”

Don’t you tell me this isn’t canon at this point.

Anyway, let’s fast-forward to after the great Leroy vs. experiments battle until the very end. Once again, our heroes are presented before the Council for saving the galaxy. As the Councilwoman tries to present them with their honors, Jumba, Pleakley, and Stitch all decide to go back home to Earth instead. But Jumba and Pleakley’s body language as they say it is worth noticing here. Jumba tells the Councilwoman, much like in the “Ace” storyboard, that his ohana is more important than his evil genius status. But as he says this, he reaches out and…

He doesn’t make physical contact with Lilo or Stitch. JUST Pleakley. And it’s the timing of these things that makes a very important link. When he touches Pleakley while talking about how family is more important, he immediately associates the two concepts. Pleakley is his definition of family.

And Pleakley turns this right back around. He gets out of Jumba’s grip for a moment, telling the Councilwoman he quits his “non-teaching teaching job.” She asks him to clarify, and he yells, “Crazyhead! I wanna go home!” And as he says that, he does this:

Again, making the same association: he considers Jumba his definition of home.

Also, while I haven’t tracked every single instance in the series, you’ll notice that while the pair is very physically affectionate, Pleakley is generally the one who initiates it. This time around, it was all Jumba’s idea. This signifies to me that a sort of barrier is breaking down around Jumba; he’s always been okay with Pleakley touching him casually, but he hasn’t ever felt motivated to initiate the contact himself. Now, he feels the need to display his affection a little more outright, and that ends up carrying over into “Stitch Has a Glitch.”

Now, the reason I place “Stitch Has a Glitch” after “Leroy and Stitch” is because of the great stride made in the relationship. In the animated series, Jumba and Pleakley are dancing around each other. “Leroy” has their affection for each other become much more blatant. In “Stitch Has a Glitch,” they’re flat-out dating and you have no evidence to disprove this. And I have to say that “Stitch Has a Glitch” actually offers up the icing on the relationship cake that moves them from just a really cute ship with squee-worthy interactions to one of my incredibly valuable OTPs.

The premise of “Stitch Has a Glitch” is that, due to Stitch having faulty energizing at his birth, he is breaking down, having fits of physical violence that herald his eventual death. It’s sort of a metaphor for illness, physical or mental, and how it can change a person, in my eyes. During all of this, Jumba is the first one to know what’s going on, since it has to do with his work. And he was going to hide that fact away from the rest of the family. Because Poor Communication Kills and we needed a plot device? That’s the argument I see brought out a lot of places, but really, I think Jumba trying to keep it a secret is an important revelation about his character. He’s afraid of Stitch dying because of his failures, and he’s ashamed to admit that he’s the source. He wants to quietly solve this problem without it coming to light that he indirectly put Stitch in so much danger. This is new ground for Jumba, who we have so far seen as swaggeringly confident. We hardly ever see him at a loss emotionally, and seeing his armor be pierced is armor-piercing for the audience, at least where I was concerned.

As I said, he tries to keep it a secret. But Pleakley knows right away that something’s off, and when Jumba tries to slink away to the lab aboard the red spaceship, Pleakley follows him, begging, “Include me! Include me!” And after some light pestering, Jumba does. Yes, Pleakley did annoy him into it, but if Jumba REALLY wanted to shut him out, I think we all know he could have found a way. Instead, he opens up to Pleakley and Pleakley alone about his secret. He and Pleakley put their heads together to try and create the fusion chamber that will give Stitch back his life force, resulting in some comedy around them trying to hijack the necessary technology such as the toaster.

But the first version of the fusion chamber fails, and Jumba loses confidence that he can build one, as he admits the first one he ever used on Stitch was not even of his own creation. We finally see Jumba at his lowest, having lost all faith in himself. And here’s where it gets amazing. Pleakley is the one to talk him up, reminding him that he was the one to create Stitch in the first place, asserting Jumba that he not only can create the life-saving machine but is the only one who can do so. And this works.

When Jumba recreates the fusion chamber, he steps forward to turn it on, and falters. “What if it does not work?” he asks.

Pleakley responds by gently touching his arm and saying…

“It will.”

Pleakley has absolute and utter faith in Jumba, and actually succeeds in restoring Jumba’s own self-confidence, which he has never truly lost before, at least that we have seen. (Another reason why I think this film fits best in the canon going LAST, Nani’s job notwithstanding.) That’s what makes this relationship go from adorable to beautiful. These two aren’t just infatuated with each other. They’re just THERE for each other. They’ve left behind all the vitriol and hatred that they used to harbor for each other, and they’re ready to support each other emotionally. This is something that can get me to fall for any ship instantly: if the involved parties build each other’s confidence up.

And you wanna know the best part? The fact that it’s PLEAKLEY acting as the emotional rock for JUMBA. Because if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll recall that Pleakley is usually NOT emotionally stable. HE’S usually the one who breaks down at the first sign of trouble. HE’S the one more likely to cry, to lose his cool, to worry that the worst is about to happen. But when Jumba needs him to be strong, he steps right up to the plate.

We’ll just cover a few more interactions that all but canonize the ship in the final moments. As Lilo races toward Stitch in the spaceship, the others are scrambling to climb a cliff face to reach them in time, and let’s just say…did I mention that Jumba and Pleakley are VERY physically comfortable with each other?

And to a less in-your-face degree, after Stitch is revived by Lilo’s love, Pleakley asks how that’s possible, and Jumba informs him it isn’t:

And once again, this is Jumba initiating contact with Pleakley, showing how much his barriers have come down.

Finally, during the closing scene, we have the entire Pelekai family dancing together, especially Jumba and Pleakley:

Juxtaposed, I might add, with Nani/David, who are the overt “canon” couple showing PDA:

So, in conclusion, Jumba/Pleakley is a ship with a lot of development over the course of its universe. It starts out as a rivalry, develops into a fire-forged alliance, becomes a close friendship, and settles into an obviously coded relationship. These two have perfected the art of pretending they wouldn’t drop everything to protect each other when in reality, they totally would, and whenever one of them is in true distress, the other is right there, whether it’s the threat of Gantu and Hämsterviel or the loss of faith in oneself. We can’t objectively call it the greatest Disney romance (we’re all agreed that one’s Belle/Beast, right?), but it’s up there among the greats.

#jumba jookiba #wendy pleakley #jumba #pleakley #lilo and stitch

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nicknederson · 7 years ago

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For the Sake of Content: Sara Reads the Hardy Boys Adventures Series Because She Has a Lot of Credit on Google Play and Not a Lot Going On, Admittedly

Hardy Boys Adventure #2: The Mystery of the Phantom Heist

(or) Some Girl Just Has the Worst Party Ever and It's Not Like the Hardy Brothers Help

The SWS! (Summary without Spoilers)

Brothers Frank and Joe are trying out for the role of Roman gladiators with their friend Chet and, no, it's not for any sort of production of Caesar. Instead, the boys are applying for a position as waiters at the Sweet Sixteen of local rich girl Lindsay Peyton. When Chet is rejected, Frank and Joe quickly give up that venture (and subsequently forget about the whole thing) only to stumble across a group of violent pranksters called the Scaredevils plaguing the city of Bayport. Is this just the latest viral video campaign or something far more sinister? Frank and Joe will find out... eventually.

The Review! (spoilers below the cut)

I think I should start out by saying that yes, I am not the biggest fan of the Hardy Boys. For a while now, I've seen their adventures as the try-hard, pseudo-masculine version of Nancy Drew (which is not an incorrect statement) and I just really can't wrap my head around why their aunt lives with them among other things. I hated how the first book in the new series went and I sort of hated this second installation, too. Why? Well, to put it simply- these brothers are dumb.

Is it their fault? Probably not, they're just fictional characters. Is it the author's fault? Definitely- what the hell were they thinking? For starters, you have the boys going to interview for the job of waiters at Lindsay Peyton's party. They make these really gross, derogatory comments about Lindsay while looking at her portrait and then, later, when they actually meet her, they continue making gross comments about her. It's part of this trend I've seen in the two books where the boys view girls in three ways: the hot undesirable (because of personality or some sort of flaw in her very one-dimensional character), the hot desirable (usually a nerdy girl with brown hair like Janine Kornbluth or, in this book, Sierra), and the sister. The sister is just that- the sister of one of their male classmates or friends. In the last book, we had Sharelle and in this book we had Iola. These girls tend to be more fleshed out, but only in the sense that they do traditionally 'tougher' things like saving the boys (Sharelle) or fending off attacks against them (like Iola does in this book). Now these are just the girls the boys interact with that are their own age- the others are all older women like their mother or Aunt Trudy who don't really do anything except fill in some necessary exposition or feed them. Which is another weird thing- Aunt Trudy is their housekeeper? Does their aunt live with them because their mom just doesn't like doing household things that their stay-at-home dad never seems to do? I didn't read enough of the older books to understand this.

But other than the very one-dimensional female characters the boys interact with, there are also plenty of male characters that don't get enough personality- including the boys themselves. The chapters switch between Frank and Joe's perspective and it's a quirk that almost does nothing for the book because- quite frankly- I cannot tell them apart either way. Joe is supposed to be the kooky, funny brother, but Frank always seems to make the same wry jokes. Frank is supposed to be sensible, but he's not exactly making any decisions Joe isn't making. It's really just a useless ploy the Adventures books use and a pain in the ass for readers who have to occasionally flip back to the beginning to check to see what boy they're supposed to be reading from the perspective of. All that said, these are just problems with the general format of the series and not even the problems with this book- Mystery of the Phantom Heist- in particular. Because this book has some problems. A lot of them.

As I said earlier, the boys seem impossibly dumb. And I'm not just saying this as a general statement, but in the very first few chapters, we have them leaving the Peytons' house only to discover that Lindsay's car has been keyed with the rude phrase 'Rich Witch'. Now, for some reason, the boys relate this to a prank video they had been watching some minutes earlier where a boy chucks a slushie at an unsuspecting drive-through attendant. Why? I have no idea why, but they do turn out to be related so I guess that was the book's way of telling us that right from the get-go. Keep in mind, these same types of jumped-to conclusions disappear in the latter half of the book when they would rightfully make sense. But more on that later- for now, we're still talking about the keyed car.

After leaving the Peytons' house, the boys see this keyed car in their driveway and don't do anything about it. No, in fact, Joe touches the vandalized car- several times- and the boys make comments about how it's too bad for Lindsay while implying that it's what she gets for being a bitch. They do not- in any way- put together two and two and realize that they'd just walked out on the Peytons' house after being 'rejected' from the position as waiters and that this vandalism could easily be seen as something they did to get back at the family. They don't seem to realize that at all. So they go with their friend to some generic burger place to get some generic burgers- all while commenting on how gross Lindsay is and how cute Frank found Sierra- only to get into a disagreement with some boys from Bay Academy.

Now, this is another thing that I have a problem with when it comes to the Adventures series and their attempt at world-building. It is very one-dimensional and it doesn't try to be inventive in the way it takes this small town and tries to make it something new. Instead of creative, new takes on things, we have the age old rivalry of public school vs. private school in Bayport High School and Bay Academy. The Bay Academy boys are brutish, entitled, and drive around in Mercedes Benz with vanity plates that say 'Awesome Dude' while harassing bus boys at the local burger place. Frank and Joe- mimicking this psuedo-masculine sensibility that comes from older books- decide to stand up to them for this great unjustice, but keep in mind, these are the same boys who saw someone's car vandalized and decided to just walk away without even informing the owner because they just plain didn't like them. This entire scene goes down in such a robotic, bizarre way up until the police arrive. As another testament to how dumb the brothers seem to be this entire book, they assume the police are there to arrest the trouble-making Bay Academy boys.

Which... ?????

No, actually, the police are here to arrest them because they were the idiots who had a disagreement with the Peytons' and then did nothing when they saw their car vandalized in the driveway and just carried on their merry way. "Oh, but we didn't do it!" Yeah, but it clearly looks like you did, genius. This could have been easily avoided if you'd paid attention for five whole seconds and realized you couldn't just leave after seeing Lindsay's car vandalized. But whatever! This is just a children's book, right? So whatever.

The boys get dragged into the police station and you'd think it would be no big deal because they're chummy with the police, but oh no- big plot twist, the one officer on the entire force who doesn't like them is chief now. Hm, wow, hate it when that happens. This will become a recurring problem throughout the book when Chief Olaf- who is just so poorly characterized you cannot tell if he's evil or just stupid or maybe both- constantly acts as a roadblock for the boys' progress on the case. If you could call it a case. Which I wouldn't. Because they don't seem to really know what's going on until about chapter... thirteen.

After making it clear that the boys are suspected of being the vandals, the book switches gears to just sort of divulging into a mess of Joe frequently checking YouTube videos posted by the vandals and the boys always being a second too late to stopping them. I would admit that was a cynical view of what happens, but it's actually not too far from the truth. It's only about half-way through the book that the boys do any sort of detective work and even then, it's incredibly simple. Frank recognizes someone in one of the Scaredevil videos, but can't figure out who it is. But, oh, Tony Riley from school is here and wow, he's got a really obvious scratch on his face and he's carrying around a jacket with a bandanna hanging out of his pocket JUST LIKE IN THE VIDEO.

Is it really detective work if you just spot something hanging out of someone's pocket? I don't think so- no.

Especially when the person makes it very obvious that they now have money when they shouldn't and leave their phone on the table while going to check on their car supposedly being keyed only for Joe to just go through their texts and find the ringleader. Who is it? Surprise, the only person who it could possibly be since he's been a violent and very obnoxious character from his introduction. This would be Bay Academy's Colin Sylvester. Colin Sylvester is apparently not Bayport's sweetheart but naturally, the boys can't go to the police with their suspicions because the police outright say that they won't investigate him since his parents donate to the police station. While this very apparent corruption of the legal system in Bayport feels like a problem they should look into, the boys ignore it in favor of doing some other inane things around town trying to figure out how to pin Colin with the crime.

When their garage gets burned down, the boys get video evidence of the arson with Colin's voice on the recording saying 'this will keep the police busy', but since seeing the chief is apparently inconvenient, they just skip over that bit for a few chapters until it becomes relevant again. Now, this is also one of those books where it very obviously plots the clues out in verbal cues throughout the boys' activities- we have exhibit A, exhibit B, and exhibit C all happening in succession, but of course Frank and Joe don't pay it any mind since it doesn't mean much of anything to them until much later when they finally string everything together. I understand that's a tactic used in these kinds of mysteries, but it's also so painful for the reader to have to sit through clue after clue falling into the boys' laps while they just idle around waiting for the big reveal to happen. We have everything written out for us- the least the author could do is let our protagonists agonize over it a little bit longer. The Hardy Brothers don't seem to want to spare the time to do that when they could be, say, going on dates with pretty girls.

This brings up the issue of Sierra- the party planner of Lindsay's Sweet Sixteen and Frank's crush. Sierra- from chapter one- is clearly pegged as a potential culprit, but the boys don't seem to realize this until they physically see her with Colin later in the book. It takes them an impossibly long time to realize Sierra is up to no good even when her erratic actions- like asking them out on a boat that subsequently breaks, lying about what she was doing for the five whole minutes they were on the boat, and becoming defensive when they catch her in the lie- are a clear indicator that she's up to something. Even when Joe is the first one to realize she might not be up to par, Frank is so adamant in his misplaced trust of her that he refuses to listen to his brother. So we have a clear culprit who is only ignored because Frank thinks she's pretty. I'm dead serious. These boys also don't seem to realize that going onto a boat that isn't rightfully theirs without Sierra is a clear set-up to get them into further trouble with the Peytons. And when the throttle breaks, it takes them a second to realize another way to stop the boat is to turn it off.

Frank's obliviousness concerning Sierra is also another reason the boys decide not to trail her and Colin when they see them leave the movie theater after they spent an entire night trying to stake out Colin to see what he was up to. Frank is just too sad after seeing them making-out to continue their detective work and can't believe she would do this to him. Is it really that hard to believe, Frank? No, because it's very obvious.

Other parts of the book feel as equally pointless or misplaced- the strangely high-tech device one of their dad's former co-workers give them that echos with the ridiculous tech they used in the over-wrought Undercover Brothers series, how easily the boys give up when questioning involved persons or how slow they are to piece things together, the fact that the boys still refer to girlfriends as someone's 'girl' despite it being the early 2000s, and even the very ending of the book. The mystery itself is very clever and somewhat interesting, but the execution is lazy at best- made especially apparent in the last chapter. The Scaredevils- the gang acting as the mysterious culprit- is a group of people that, as the boys learn, are being paid off by Colin Sylvester to commit various acts of vandalism and destruction around Bayport. They start fights, they graffiti things, and they leave their mark on plenty of objects all while uploading videos of their barely concealed faces to YouTube to document their reign of terror. There's also a little bit where Frank and Joe seem surprised that girls could be involved in this scheme that just made me roll my eyes. But the scheme itself is hinted at being part of a larger plot to keep the police around Bayport busy so that none can act as guards at Lindsay Peyton's Sweet Sixteen- the biggest event in Bayport this year. Sounds interesting, right?

Well, it is- until you learn that this entire scheme is just Colin getting revenge against Lindsay for never going on a date with him and not letting him be friends with her. As to why Sierra is a part of this, there's no given reason besides that she happens to be dating Colin at the time. Seriously, no reason given. And while there could have easily been a way to spin Colin's discontent at being rejected, the very ending trips over itself on its way to the point when it seems to remember it's called 'The Mystery of the Phantom Heist'. Huge spoiler alert, guys: there is no Phantom Heist.

Colin and his friends easily infiltrate the party at the end and- after using a very obvious scheme to get the guards outside- proceed to pull guns on the guests and demand their valuables. Seems pretty scary, right? Well, it probably would have been if there had been any thought to it. The guns are fake, the guards get back in easily because no one bothered to bar the doors, and the police show up in seconds after the boys go through the erroneous steps of disarming Colin and his buddies because they didn't even take the guests' phones away so it was incredibly easy to call 911. Colin, Sierra, and his friends are all arrested and Lindsay declares the party back on and the relationship between Bay Academy and Bayport High School is superficially mended. Another joke is added to this when the boys express disbelief that they fought armed Roman gladiators at the party of the year and Chet chimes in with a joke about having recorded the whole thing. End book.

Now, this isn't just lazy writing, but a problem that I have with the entire Hardy Boys franchise. In that, it feels the need to step itself up to the point where it reaches unobtainable standards that it can never deliver on. For years, the boys have tried to reflect the 'masculine' side of detective work that their counterpart Nancy Drew apparently can't cover herself. There are gun fights, dramatic heists, and danger galore while the boys fight assassins and deadly ninjas and other some such exaggerated threats. This was all well and good back in the 1920s to 60s when the most dangerous thing Nancy dealt with in her stories was a fall from one foot too high, but in the modern era, we're seeing this attempted divide between the Drew Crew and the Hardy Boys being exaggerated to the point of ridiculousness. The predecessor to the Adventures series- the Undercover Brothers- borderlined on absolutely unrealistic with the way it had the boys hangliding over Ireland to escape armed gunmen while using a pizza box as a high-tech communication device. It was like James Bond for babies, but the lacksadaisal tone it set made it so high-fantasy it was impossible to relate to on so many levels. Seeing as these are books primarily aimed at a younger audience, it's disappointing to see that this standard of 'snails and puppy dog tails' vs 'sugar, spice, everything nice' is still being stuck to in these newer books. The Hardy Brothers shouldn't be this dumb, they shouldn't be this off-puttingly trusting, they shouldn't need fancy technology that doesn't even exist to make up for where their lack of intelligence and wit causes them problems, and I- as a reader- shouldn't have to see none all of these traits in Nancy, but all of them in her 'boy version'. One of the things that bothered me the most about Frank's complete trust in Sierra is that I knew that Nancy would never do that. She would see Sierra as a suspect from the beginning- male or female- and she wouldn't make the same erroneous mistakes that the boys do. It's almost like Nancy- as someone raised as a girl- knows not to trust people easily, treats undeserving people kindly, and always has to evaluate a situation for danger before she enters it. Weird, right?

Either the publisher needs to stop treating Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys as too wildly opposite sides of the spectrum or they need to get better ghostwriters on the HBAs. Because while I'm going to read the next book- The Vanishing Game- because I have the Google Play credit, I am not... going to enjoy it.

#sara reads a book and posts about it #i didn't expect this to be this long but this book made me mad #and yes i know it's for younger audiences #but regardless of age you don't deserve shit books #i was also thinking of recording this somehow but

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thexerohour · 4 years ago

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Politically Agnostic is a Misnomer

ESSAY

October 23, 2020

by J. Slaughter

Someone recently asked me what I thought of the term “Politically Agnostic”. Initially, I thought to myself, “I think I addressed that in Episode 50 of The Xero Hour Podcast.

There’s a bunch of people like that, running around pretending to be neutral because they’re still at their default-liberal settings. I know of one guy like that in particular. He’s got an opinion on everything, but he likes to pretend that his opinions are neutral. He wants to make you believe that his thoughts are well balanced and non-biased. But here’s what he’s not telling you. He knows what opinions are most expedient to pronounce, but he doesn’t seem to believe those opinions. He knows how to coerce you into changing your opinions. He’s a grifter.

Most people are default-liberals (Center-Left), and the things that he says are just going to reinforce an acceptable liberal perspective, with a thin veneer of spirituality just to make it more palatable (and I have to say spirituality because Christianity isn’t a marketable term). Now my friend, he’s savvy to all that stuff. He’s a salesperson. He’s an entertainer and a presenter. But one thing he’s not is politically neutral. Everyone has a political standing. Everyone. Every. Single. Person. But, that’s something I’ll address later.

Right now, we need to look at this phrase, “Politically Agnostic”. Politically Agnostic is a marketing phrase, meaning, it’s made up. It’s not a real set of words that are meant to go together, so it’s not a phrase that people use. Politically Agnostic is something that was likely engineered to appeal to ‘spiritual’ people, or for use in SEO results.

I felt like my original assessment of the term politically agnostic was underdeveloped, and so I did a little bit of research just to see if my instincts were correct. I pulled up a few search results that date back quite a few years, but not much from recent times. After I read up on it a bit, I still feel like the phrase is something that was picked out of obscurity, because it would be good for marketing. However, the phrase should have a meaning. Words have meaning. And, with closer inspection, we can see that this is an odd combination of words indeed.

According to Merriam Webster (which has been recently exposed for changing the definitions of words arbitrarily, see “sexual preference”) the word agnostic means :

Definition of AGNOSTIC (noun)

1: a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable; broadly: one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the nonexistence of God or a god

2: a person who is unwilling to commit to an opinion about something <political agnostics>

Here’s the thing I can’t wrap my head around. The second definition of agnostic is a person who is unwilling to commit to an opinion about something. People are always trying to sell us on this idea when it comes to politics. It’s as if they are somehow “above it all” by remaining uninvolved. But in this case, inaction is the action. Agnosticism is a choice. Not to be confused with Indifference which is “the lack of difference or distinction between two or more things”, or in other words “ignorance”. There is a BIG distinction to be made between one’s Agnosticism and one’s Indifference.

When people are too fearful or too foolish to make the necessary sacrifices to commit; or are unwilling to change their true values and beliefs, then it becomes expedient for them to try and take the third approach. One that says they’re just not going to engage, as if that’s a wiser decision. It’s much easier to dismiss a political issue entirely than to face the cognitive dissonance of forming an opinion that disagrees with your actions. Why take the risk of offending some of your friends by taking a hard stance on some political issue when you can just pretend that it doesn’t matter. I mean, isn’t that what Jesus did? Well, no. I don’t think the Bible teaches anything like that sort of thinking or ideology.

Jesus never claimed to be politically indifferent or agnostic. When he was pressed on political issues, he exposed the categorical differences between his positioning and the positions that they were trying to impose on him. There’s a big difference between favoring one concept to the expense of another, and just pretending that the other concept doesn’t exist entirely.

So, when they asked “Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not?” (an issue of affection and allegiance), Christ answered, “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s and unto God the things that are God’s.” In this, He highlighted the categorical difference between spiritual affection and political duty. When they tried to provoke Jesus to anger by reporting that Pilate had killed some of the Galileans during their sacrificial worship (and probably sacrificing those men as well), he responded

“Suppose ye that these Galileans were sinners above all the Galileans because they suffered such things? I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.”

This was neither agnosticism nor indifference. Christ was quite committed to the message that he preached and I think that we ought to follow suit. The Bible doesn’t espouse political indifference, but quite the contrary:

Romans 13:1 “Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities.

Therefore, the phrase agnostic reeks of ignorance and cowardice, in my opinion. If you’re ignorant then you should be willing to learn. You only refuse knowledge out of fear or foolishness. If you’re unwilling to learn, then we have to assume that you’re a either a fool or a coward. That covers both definitions of the word agnostic. Let’s move on to politics.

Definition of politics

1a: the art or science of government

b: the art or science concerned with guiding or influencing governmental policy

c: the art or science concerned with winning and holding control over a government

2: political actions, practices, or policies

3a: political affairs or business

especially : competition between competing interest groups or individuals for power and leadership (as in a government)

b: political life especially as a principal activity or profession

c: political activities characterized by artful and often dishonest practices

4: the political opinions or sympathies of a person

Because neither I, nor most people that I know, are not directly involved with or employed in politics on a governmental level, including Church politics, we have to understand that the only definition that applies to us directly would be the fifth definition.

5a: the total complex of relations between people living in society

b: relations or conduct in a particular area of experience especially as seen or dealt with from a political point of view

This means that politics has more to do with relationships, personal experiences, and community. It’s how we deal with the issues that arise from within. Our political ideologies may be deeply factored into those relationships, and the ‘total complex of relations’, but at its root, it is the ideology that drives our actions. That’s why it’s important to understand where your thoughts come from, and where they lead.

Whether or not sexual predators should be allowed within a certain distance of a playground, or whether or not the government should allow churches to remain open during a Covid-19 pandemic, or whether or not an activist group should be able to compel a baker to participate in their festivities, against his religion, are all examples of politics. Not every conflict has to be adjudicated on a governmental level. This is why the Bible tells us to judge among ourselves, problems within the Church. But, I think it is the willingness among people to remain milquetoast about civil issues, that requires the government to intervene. Before the concept of MAGA, no one had an opinion about whether or not people should wear red hats (unless they really, really hated Limp Bizkit). Now, it’s a social issue. In many social conflicts, we ought to have thought out and set precedent, way before these things get to a governmental level.

The third and final part of this analysis is the perception of value that’s attached to the concept of Political Agnosticism. At its root, I think it’s probably closer to postmodernism. In the sense that things lose meaning or have no meaning at all. If something cannot be deemed important, then there’s no reason to form an opinion on it. I think this absolves one of his responsibility to engage in the world in a meaningful fashion. It absolves one all responsibility toward his brothers and sisters on a personal day-to-day level but elevates selfishness. Because we are born into families, and those families make up communities, I believe that man is meant to be a communal creature. Therefore politics is essential to our social makeup. You can’t have any hard perspectives or opinions on social matters without acknowledging that, the root of all social matters are, in nature, political.

What the left has done in today’s culture has been to change the meaning of politics to something that it doesn’t, while changing the meaning of the word social and applying the original meanings of politics and ethics. When words change in such a drastic and swift manner, they lose meaning. So on its face, political agnosticism is a word salad that truly has no real meaning. It would be better for one to be honest about their understanding, or lack thereof; to be honest about their interest, or lack thereof, without using this misnomer. You have an opinion, even if you don’t have all the facts. Just be honest.

As I said at the beginning of this essay, everyone has a political standing. It may simply be that you don’t know what that is or how to find out. It is very important and helpful to have a personal understanding of your thoughts and instincts on all matters social or political because they affect how you perceive and navigate the world. If you’re interested in finding out where you stand in general, try taking The Political Compass Test. You can find out where your own thoughts lie, and what major historical figures shared your point of view. You’ll even be able to print out a certificate of completion when you’re done (to share with all your friends). https://www.politicalcompass.org/

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#politically agnostic #politics #agnostic #essay

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tarahighschool · 8 years ago

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Stratford

On Thursday morning, the students were free to sleep in or to explore the town, and in the early afternoon we walked from our respective B&Bs to the theatre. Last year, there was no Shakespeare playing while we were in Stratford; this visit more than made up for it! This year’s theme for the Royal Shakespeare Company is the decadence, politics, power play and corruption of Rome, and the season includes Julius Caesar, Antony and Cleopatra, Coriolanus and Titus Andronicus in repertory in a shared space with one set designer for all.

Two intense tragedies are a lot for one day, and the students are to be commended for their attention and diligence. We were all captivated by Julius Caesar, a powerful production directed by Angus Jackson. The ensemble was strong, and actor Alex Waldman delivered a particularly stunning performance as Brutus. After a good meal at an Italian restaurant, we went back for round two, Antony and Cleopatra. Betsy and Laurel thought that the actor playing Cleopatra, Josette Simon, portrayed the mature, seductive and manipulative queen of Egypt with a degree of perfection that they had not seen before. The students did not relate to her in the same way, and overall they did not enjoy the performance nearly as much as the adaptation that they had seen at The Public Theater in New York in ninth grade. We were impressed to hear how much they remembered of that performance and how objectively and intelligently they were able to compare and contrast the two experiences.

While in Stratford, we went on tours of the Shakespeare houses and had free time to explore the town, feed the multitude of swans on the Avon, chase pigeons (Sam nearly fell in the river trying to catch one), journal and sleep. We ate full English breakfasts (that made lunch unnecessary for some) and delicious English, Indian, Italian and Thai food for dinners. The trip to Anne Hathaway’s cottage left some of the students wishing that they could live in such a house, and our time at Mary Arden’s house was idyllic – a warm sunny day to enjoy the farm, the animals, some of the Renaissance children’s outdoor games and, of course, the falconer. This year avian influenza had caused some of the birds to be secluded inside, and when Talia, the huge owl that many of our students have been photographed with in the past, actually got her freedom to fly in a show, she went to the top of the roof and would not come down. So there was a smaller and less experienced owl for the display, and the falcon was not flying, but the falconer and his wife are entertaining and interesting to watch no matter the circumstances; some students stayed to watch the show twice. They also enjoyed the archery that was open for guest participation.

Our final performance in Stratford was The Hypocrite, which portrayed a prominent family of the city of Hull and their contributions to the English Civil War. One might not think that that would be a funny subject, but in the hands of playwright Richard Bean it truly met the definition of farce, a comic dramatic work using buffoonery and horseplay and typically including crude characterization and ludicrously improbable situations. And this was farce at its best – completely hilarious. Betsy was not sure whether to watch the play or the Tara students watching the play! Heidi laughed continuously from beginning to end. Here is Teaghan’s review of this outlandish and fascinating piece of theatre: “Everyone who knows me knows that I love a good laugh, and, well, gravity was unkind to me in that play three or four times. Rhys and I hit each other on the leg more times than there were seats in the theatre. At intermission we had to stay in our seats and let the tears stop flowing before we could go out. It was brilliant, riddled with scandalous British insults, and the timing of every joke absolutely perfect. It was a dangerous thing to allow a class with a sense of humor like ours to see The Hypocrite. We are still talking about it a week later!”

As we drove away, Carlos remarked how much he loved Stratford. He said that it was the perfect size, a small town with so much to do, and that he felt a strong sense of community there, a natural mix of residents, tourists, actors and all those connected with the theatre. He loved every aspect of it, and he wants to return and do everything he did over again – and more. While looking forward to the next place we were going, he was sad to leave. That was the sentiment generally held by all the students. All in all, we had a great three days in Stratford.

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freykugel · 8 years ago

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I finally finished Suikoden III. And it was a huge stressful labor. Not even a labor of love. More like obligation? I was on a Suikoden high because I absolutely adore the first two games. And I’m a very forgiving person because if one aspect of the game is absolutely stellar I will move mountains to complete it. But SIII felt like work. I was getting tired. I literally was watching youtube videos of other things 70% of the game. I just really wanted to see if I’d appreciate it more now than I did when I first played it.

Because when I first completed it in like... 2010? I dunno. I had plenty of time. I just needed to go in order of release. Back then it was like just a lukewarm response. Eh it was okay now I can play Suikoden V.

And replaying it now I can’t understand how people love this game.

First off, the music. The music is absolutely lackluster. It’s mildly quirky at best and obnoxiously awful at worst. I don’t understand. Miki Higashino composed a beautiful and iconic soundtrack for the first two games and gave me high expectations. And I hear the Castlevania Symphony of the Night composer did a good chunk of it? But it’s all either so forgettable, awful, or just plain unfitting. I know there are a few duds in the first two game soundtracks but it kept me pumped up. It kept me interested. It made the game move fast. BUT NOT THIS ONE. One of the worst battle themes I’ve ever heard. The life blood of JRPGs is usually in the beautiful music but NOT THIS ONE. I’ve read how people gush over Duck Village and Vinay del Zexay BG music and I’m just--... Your taste is not my taste and that’s okay but the OST does not make me want to play.

Which made it so much more slow and awkward when the music actually LOWERS THE VOLUME DURING CUTSCENES. There’s no voice acting so why the fuck are they lowering the volume?! I don’t fucking understand. It makes it quiet/silent and slow moving. At the very least keep the music BLARING I DON’T FUCKING CARE HOW AWFUL IT IS don’t soften the music because they’re talking. This infuriated me like what the hell ass kind of logic was that?

But continuing on the music train, there is so much back tracking. The majority of the game is just repetitive trekking through the same goddamn forests and towns. Like I said the random encounters and backtracking would be mildly better with a kickass battle theme. But since it’s fucking awful this is made to be an infinitely more arduous chore. I know you can’t just pick and choose location points because it would make Viki irrelevant but FUCKING HELL. My blood pressure goes up just remembering it. Oh I’m out of money I have to fight treasure bosses. Except I’m at Lake Castle and the next location I have to go to is at Mountain Pass. ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE MAP. And the Mt Pass itself is fucking long with a winding path. FUCK. Viki’s presence was waaaay to short in the game. And yeah, she can only show up in chapter 4 because you can’t just have her teleport just one perspective character and no one else. And with no Blinking Mirror you’d still have to slog your way back home. GODDAMN.

Speaking of battle music, the battle system is obnoxious too. You can tell me all about how it brings an added strategic feature to it, like you pair up your melee and magic user so that your melee fighter can tank while your magic user drops their nuke. But fuck that, what if I want to use all six magical nukes. Nope can’t do that. And like what if I wanted Aila to use her Shield Rune while the rest of the group do their SFDF Unite attack? Nope.

And once upon a time I actually preferred the SIII war system because it gave me much more control over the characters. Flash forward to 2017. Nope. Nooooope. I spent more than a couple days with the small free time I had level grinding my fodder characters and raising their weapon levels so they won’t DIE in battle. But Frey, if your time is precious why didn’t you just stop playing? Well it’s tied into the Luc portion of the rant so hold on a moment.

Quick point to say FUCK THE FIXED CAMERA. I kept going back to the previous room or got stuck behind obstacles while I watched ANYTHING ELSE MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS.

Okay now we get into the story portion of the rant. I get what they were trying to do. I really do. I understand splitting the perspectives in three meant there’s going to be repetitive scenes. I understand they were trying to convey the greys of war and shit. BUT IT’S SUCH A WASTE OF TIME. I have already seen this let me skip. What did it add? Nothing only that the one perspective character missed out on some context.

I do really like Chris and Geddoe less so but he’s okay. Unfortunately Hugo is the odd duck out so to speak. His story is short, boring, and doesn’t really add more to the context. It’s just a kid doing a job, he gets chased, his bestie gets killed, sees the baddies, and canonically he gets chosen to be the Flame Champion. And me being a stickler for canon always choose him to be FC because narratively it makes more sense for Chris to receive True Water from her father and Geddoe keep his True Lightning. But Hugo. Did. Nothing. To. Deserve. It. Like Tir gets shit tossed at him from the beginning and it was awful to have. Riou was forced into a battle against his best friend. Hugo? Rrrr Ironheads and shit.

Which is sad because his mom, Lucia, is the best character ever. Best mom.

Thomas I do actually adore. His chapters were a lovely break. But it could be because they’re short.

Hugo’s FC speech was awful. As charismatic as a slice of bread. Who the fuck can he unite. Nobody. Zexens and Grasslanders and everything in between. There’s so much bad blood between them and Hugo just whips out a few trite Shounen Manga words and then BAM they’re united? Awful awful. I don’t know what Chris or Geddoe say but I can’t imagine that they’d be any better.

I mean, to be fair, in SI and SII the protagonists were silent so they couldn’t even do a speech, but at least you could sort of fill in the blanks. Plus they had a beautiful supporting cast who were strong enough to create a charged atmosphere. Especially with the likes of Viktor and Flik. Here in SIII everyone is just mildly interesting or shitty. There’s no one really who was like FUCK YEAH and truly engaged the army or the player. Just. Mild.

Also let me just say Lulu pissed me off.I know he’s a kid but Louis literally bumped into him and said, “Oh excuse me. Pardon me.” And Lulu goes off on a racist rant about FUCKING IRONHEADS. Like I know you’re a kid and you’ve been raised like this but RNGESUS PLEASE he apologized after accidentally knocking you over.

Caesar, boy, what a useless tactician haha. Everything he told you to do was common sense. And Albert? I hate Albert too. He makes me uncomfortable in the same way Lucretia did in SV in that he’s so omniscient about everything. Like the entire game was him setting up the dominoes and in the end knocking them down. Plus the ending blurbs on Caesar like, “All your efforts were for nothing el-oh-el because your bro was always one step ahead.”

Apple what the hell ass are your cameos.

Jimba’s reveal as Chris’ father was terrible and unexplored.

Yun’s self sacrifice for the ritual left no impact. I have no idea why she left such a mark on Chris that she’s referred to in the ending blurbs. I don’t get it.

Okay now for the elephant in the room. Luc. I’ll be honest. I think I played through this entire fucking game because the fandom is enamored with Luc. And maybe it’s because I’m fucking old but I don’t understand it at all. Yeah, he had a semi-permanent spot in my party in SI and SII because of his powerful magic and it was less likely to fail. But what the fuck happened in SIII. In the first two games he was a shit head. He’s a jerk who dropped a golem on you in the first game for funsies and only stuck around because Leknaat told him to. He’s a petulant brat who only bothered to reveal his True Wind Rune because it was piss off Sasarai. But then in SIII all of a sudden he’s a tormented thirty year old man angsting about his existence and the visions he’s supposedly seeing about absolute order and silence. So he goes off to... destroy his Rune and soul so that Hirusaak can’t get all 27? What??? Am I missing something????? Like I would find the entire plot of SIII believable if his characterizations from the first two games were anywhere near close to the one in SIII. Except it’s not? All of a sudden he slam dunked himself into his emo phase? He’s not even acting like a shit lord? Just Crawling in my skin these wounds they will not heal. I don’t get it. Even after playing the Luc extra bonus chapter. Especially after playing it. Just LET’S SPARK A WAR BETWEEN TWO COUNTRIES TRYING TO SETTLE A PEACE TREATY SO WE CAN ENTICE HARMONIA INTO INVADING AND GRAB ALL THE TRUE ELEMENTAL RUNES. I just. What. I’m having such a difficult time just wrapping my mind around this idiot plot ball. Remember the bit where he was like JOIN ME HUGO/FC. SEE THE VISIONS YOU WILL BE TORMENTED WITH AS A TRUE RUNE HOLDER. Bluuuuh. I don’t know. I just don’t.

I didn’t bother with the plays. I didn’t bother with the baths. I didn’t even bother trying to get the Golden Hammer. Which is sad because I discovered new things with the older games when I replayed them. Cook-offs? Bath toys? Wow I just zoomed past them the first time around. But I was ready to be wash my hands of SIII. It’s not for me. I don’t understand the fandom.I don’t understand the love. But you do you and if you happen to adore the game that’s cool. But that’s not where I’m at.

I might have been super forgiving and loving towards this game if it were infinitely shorter. Like, SI definitely has its problems. You can’t sprint without a Holy Rune, the inventory system was fucked, and so many characters are such bullshit (I am the Window Man I live and breath windows here let me swap them out for you.). Even SII like Nanami I love her but I also hate her what the fuck Nanami why would you fake your death and hurt your brother like that. And all those bugs I GAVE YOU TWO SPINACH SEEDS WHY DID IT DISAPPEAR. But SI was short and sweet and SII had beautiful pixel graphics and popping characters. SIII had awkward bulky graphics, terrible music, and it DRAGGED ON FOREVER. Literally over 70 hours. I wasted 70 hours of my life. I can’t get them back. I just wanted to refresh my memory of it.

This was all my fault I know. I just wanted to rant.

Let me just say one good thing was that I do really like the added skills. It added an extra layer in creating a diverse team. Also with Support Characters I get extra help from NPCs who would otherwise just rot in HQ.

Okay I’m done.

#no one asked for my opinion #i'm sorry if it shows up in the tumblr search #i just really wanted to get this off my chest #vidya rambling

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callowsermons · 6 years ago

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Sin-Repent

Today’s gospel reading is ominous as we approach Palm Sunday. Jesus is teaching the crowds when some who are present tell Jesus about what has happened in Jerusalem. Galileans who had come to offer sacrifice were massacred, and their blood mingled with their sacrifices. The scene depicted strongly suggests that this would have taken place during the Passover feast. Why else would there be Galileans in Jerusalem offering sacrifice? Galilee was some distance away, and the Passover was the only festival where “laity” had full participation in the sacrifices.

No one else records this event, so we cannot know for sure what went down. But given what we know about Jerusalem, Pilate, and the Passover, we can guess. There was likely some unrest, after all the Passover is the celebration of the liberation of the Jewish people from oppression and bondage. It would be like celebrating the Fourth of July in Chinese occupied Washington. And in response to that unrest Pilate likely responded with overwhelming force. Pilate was a violent and vicious ruler, who had to be called back by Caesar because of his bloodlust.

What are we supposed to make about this report? Did the Galileans who were massacred deserve it? Did God bring this about on account of their sins? These seem to be the questions that are going through peoples minds, because Jesus responds by saying, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way?” Just by the way he phrases the question you know what he’s going to say, “I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish.”

He likens the massacre in Jerusalem to a tower in Siloam. A tower fell and killed eighteen people. Did they die because they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? The thought is silly. We can think about this in our own day. When we hear about a mass shooting, do we assume that the victims deserved it? That God must have brought about a judgment on them for chewing gum or whatever?

No, God is not characterized by rendering judgment on individuals so much as by offering clemency and mercy to all. I remember hearing back when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans that a certain televangelist declared that the storm must have been God’s judgment. Jesus would say all of us who bear unfruitful and dissipated lives are deserving of judgment, but God is gracious to offer mercy if we but repent. We all could suffer the same as the Galileans whose blood was mingled with their sacrifices. We all could have a tower fall on our heads, or suffer from some other terrible tragedy. But we are here, we are here on account of God’s good pleasure, of God’s mercy. And that mercy is offered to us that we might repent.

Repent! So much of this season of Lent is about repentance. We need to repent because we are creatures diseased with sin. The disease of sin burrows into our members, into our soul, into our own will. You know what I mean when I say the disease of sin burrows into our will? Sin makes it so that we want the wrong things, and that we choose the wrong things. Sin corrupts our desires so we want what is not good for us, what harms others, what doesn’t give glory to God. In other words, sin makes us unfruitful. It corrupts the choices that we make, so that we do not bear fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I’ve got an apple tree at the parsonage. I don’t know how old it is, others would know better than I do. But I do know that I’m terrible at keeping apple trees. The tree is covered in lichens, and the lower branches are rotting out. There are spider webs all over the place, and it doesn’t give the best apples. I try them every year and they’re always a little too sour for me. And as the branches go bad, it produces less fruit. It reminds me of the old Woody Allen joke of the two ladies at a resort and one complains “the food here is terrible,” and the other says, “yes, and such small portions.”

Sin is like that. I like having an apple tree there for two reasons. The first is it’s a wonderful place to set a table and read in the summer. The tree offers wonderful shade, and even now the grass grows very well around it. But as the apples go bad, the insects come and it isn’t the best place to go and read. The second reason I like having an apple tree is for the apples! But I don’t want these apples!

God wants fruit from us. God wants us to bear the fruit of the Spirit that we might show forth his glory. Frankly, we want fruit from ourselves. When we fail to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, or show self-control we feel miserable. Not only do we feel miserable, we are becoming miserable. Sin is misery.

The good news is that God is merciful, God is patient, and God is hard at work to root out the disease of sin that we might bear fruit. Jesus tells us a parable that a man had a fig tree in his vineyard and found it did not bear fruit. So he told the man working the vineyard to cut it down. But the worker replies, “sir, leave it alone one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.”

Jesus is the hard worker who knows how to care for the trees far better than we do. Jesus would know exactly what to do with my apple tree, because Jesus also knows what to do with our hearts. Jesus died that we might live, he won the victory over sin that he would root it out of our own souls. And he calls us to repent. He calls us to forsake our pride, our vanity, our anger, our self-regard, our envy, our resentment, our enmity, our lust, our righteousness, our everything and turn to him. The good shepherd, the good farmer, who can care for us the way only he knows how.

So through his care we might bear fruit. Through his care we might know joy and salvation.

Questions for Reflection

Have any plants given you troubles?

How have you experienced the mercy of God?

How have you experienced the fruit of the Spirit?

Why do you think sin causes misery

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