#I dislike canon tony enough to get mad about him when he’s relevant to something else I care abt but not enough to be dedicated abt it

[yakkety-yak-art]

for some reason I woke up a couple weeks ago and, after not really thinking much about the mcu at all for years, the flame of righteous indignation on behalf of civil war team cap and at the implications of the accords on all enhanced people in the mcu which I had starved as a fourteen year old in 2016 who was terrified of getting into arguments and of disagreeing with people to the point that I was a literal cacw centrist when asked about it suddenly rose up within me as an inferno, and I suddenly remembered how much I do Not Like tony stark.

[timeisacephalopod]

Thin Red Line: Fic Preview

Here, have a lovely preview of a slow burn WinterIron fic in which Tony is Bucky’s soul mate and they met at a rather inopportune time. Consider it a canon adjacent fic in which the serum stuff with Steve and Bucky happened, but not the stuff with Captain America and the Winter Soldier. Instead they were just war weapons that were designed to give the Germans and the US an edge in the war. But Steve still saved Bucky.

Steve looks exhausted already and Bucky sighs. It’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last, where he has to talk Steve into a job. “It’s a couple hours, Steve. Its easy work, good pay, and we probably won’t even have to do anything.” Some charity thing, Bucky doesn’t really anticipate trouble but he’s learned that Howard Stark is paranoid through working with the guy. Steve’s not a fan, but Bucky has long figured out that Steve isn’t a reliable source on who is or isn’t shady a long time ago. 

Bucky knows he wants out of this life, that he hates spy work, but that’s what he signed up for. Bucky hadn’t, he’d been kidnapped and experimented on by Germans but this is what his life is now and he’s fine with that. At this point it’s been so long he doesn’t even know what else he’d do.

“And if something goes sideways?” Steve asks quietly, giving Bucky a cold look.

He shrugs, ��than we deal with it like we always have.” Its not the answer Steve wants but it’s the answer that’s most likely to reflect their situation.

Steve considers backing out, Bucky can see it, but he doesn’t. He wouldn’t leave Bucky on his own anyway.

*

As expected the job is easy and in the two hours Bucky has been here the creepiest person he’s noticed is Obadiah Stane and he’s never liked Stark’s business partner. He feels sleazy and cheap and coming from Bucky he has to hit an impressive level of sleaze before he’ll choose to care. But sleazy as he is he’s harmless so Bucky makes another round, checks the exits and the perimeter, and goes to sit down for a few moments when he finds nothing.

Across the room Steve is with Howard, sticking close by him and he looks like he hates it but they’ve got an hour of this left, tops. He can deal with Stark for that long. Bucky settles on a bench by some potted trees, partially hidden behind them because he dislikes existing outside of the shadows. Feels contradictory to who he is these days to step out of them. Steve shoots him a look, one that indicates he’s not happy, but Bucky ignores him. He can bitch in full force when they get home and he’s sure he’ll have some kind of amusing commentary to go with it like always.

He’s considering what insults Steve might come up with for Howard Stark when he feels a small tug on his sleeve. He looks over to find a dapper looking child standing there looking like a tiny little adult in his suit. Poor kid, Bucky wouldn’t have been in that thing five seconds at his age before he would have managed to ruin the whole outfit. “You’re my soul mate,” the kid says matter of factly, climbing into Bucky’s lap and sitting there like he owns it. For a second all he can do is stare at the kid because those words dohappen to match his mark but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Sometimes people pick the same phrases so you need to make sure yours matches the other person’s too.

“Not to be a dick, but someone needs to get you the hell away from me,” he tells the kid and that soisn’t the right thing to say because the poor thing looks squashed and fuck, Bucky doesn’t do children, what’s he supposed to say to this?

Thankfully he doesn’t have to think of anything because Maria Stark of all people spots them and makes her way over, plucking the kid out of his lap. “Tony, what are you doing?” she asks the distraught child.

“That’s my soul mate,” he says in a tiny voice, much less confident than he’d been before and fuck off, Bucky didn’t want to scar the damn kid for life. This is why he shouldn’t be allowed near kids. Maria frowns at him and Bucky shrugs.

“I don’t know, he just walked up and decided,” he says in his defense.

“Do his words match yours?” she asks and she can’t be serious. The kid- Tony Bucky guesses- is an actual child. There’s no way- what kind of relationship could he possibly get out of a child? He’s not looking to be a parent or anything else along those lines so no, there’s noway.

“Yeah, but its not like it’s the first time-” he starts but Maria cuts him off.

“And your response?” she asks, presumably because she long ago remembered her kid’s soul mark. Or marks, if he’s like Bucky and has more than one. He sputters for a moment because that’s… that’s ridiculous; Tony is not his soul mate. He already has one of those and Steve is more than enough responsibility thanks, he doesn’t need an actual child on top of his big blonde child. But he tells Maria his response anyways to hopefully clear the air, not that he’s so lucky. “Congratulations, I guess you are Tony’s soul mate,” she tells him.

“I told you!” Tony tells them, irritated that they hadn’t listened Bucky guesses.

*

Steve looks amused. “Bet you wished we stayed home now,” he sing songs and Bucky flips him off.

“A fucking kid, Steve. I want nothing to do with that!” he says, waving an arm around.

“You don’t have much of a choice, you’re fated to be together in some capacity,” Steve points out.

Fated, yeah. Fuck, last time that ended up being relevant to his life Steve’s stupid ass got shot up with some serum that overhauled everything about him minus his personality because the US wanted an edge in the war and they wanted to beat the Germans to super soldiers. Of course Steve was the only one who survived the experiments and surprise, surprise, Bucky was the only one who survived the Germans. Now they’re fucking immortal or damn close to it given all they’ve been through. 

Bombs, gas, drowning, torture, time- nothing seems to have chipped away at their age or bodies all that much. So far they know they can’t regrow limbs, but Bucky lost his arm in the experiments so who the hell knows. Maybe the injury he had sustained before that could have been solved by the serum. It cured Steve’s laundry list of health problems but the Germans were hardly polite about their prodding.

“Steve he’s a fucking child, what exactly could fate have in store for that? Do I look like I’d make a good nanny to you?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. And given his own status as next to immortal how the hell would that work anyway? Tony is likely to die long before Bucky will. And even if none of that was true Bucky has never liked children and he’s not about to start now.

Steve’s a fucking traitor because he laughs. “A little bit, yeah. Like a human pit bull,” Steve says.

Bucky needs a new soul mate because this one is garbage. Oh wait, the other one is eight. Bucky shakes his head, “no. I don’t even like kids, what am I supposed to do with this one?”

“Don’t know, but have you considered the horrifying possibility that Tony is your romantic soul mate. Because it sure as hell isn’t me,” Steve says and Bucky throws his drink on him for that. Tony’s a kid, that’s just disgusting. Steve doesn’t look near repentant enough for having suggested such a possibility and Bucky’s mad about it. “Relax Bucky, just pull a disappearing act and come back when he’s grown and see what’s up.”

Ditch the kid, yeah, that’s exactly what he’ll do.