#I discovered how to make edits and I will be absolutely insufferable now
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Black Canary through the decades
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shadeswift99 · 3 years ago
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Ok i saw your tags on that last post and i am BEGGING you to elaborate on your Minecraft villagers' religion/mythology that sounds amazing 
HELLO YES. I have a limited amount of time right now but let's see how much I can get through by the Power of Insufferable Nerdness
(Edit: apparently that amount is A Lot, I'd apologize for this absolute essay but I am in fact not sorry at all, woe, lore be upon thee :))) ) (there's pictures too I promise)
Okay so. Welcome to the village of Abyss. I discovered it while I was exploring the 1.18 update and I somehow managed to leave my shulker box of rockets in a cave along with my enderchest, essentially stranding me here with what I had on me until I could resupply. I could have just saved the coords and died, come back later for my stuff, whatever else, except that. The village spawned like this.
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Directly next to this massive, abyssal ravine filled with impenetrable darkness. Upon closer inspection, there were only three villagers left in the place. Upon even more inspection, several of the village paths seemed to lead...directly over the edge.
Hm. I wonder where the rest of the villagers went.
The lore developed slowly as I fixed the place up and built it out more. Abyss is the "god" of the village in the same way rain falling is music - it's not, really, but the act of observing it as such makes it so. The longer a villager looks into that darkness, the more they realize that it's not just darkness: it is inhabited, made of hundreds of rattling bones and groaning once-living throats, crawling the floor of the canyon just out of view through the shadows. Together with the darkness itself those voices make a will, and that will thrives in the unknown, and the longer one spends looking out and down, the more that will can be felt and understood.
The closest building to the ravine got turned into the Church of Abyss. Inside is more of a town hall than a place for religious services - Abyss doesn't really have values that can be verbally taught - but its most important purpose is as a lead-in to the observation platforms:
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Where the priests of Abyss sit and look into the ravine. There are three levels (screenshot only got the last two). A priest moves down a level when they feel they've gained enough knowledge of the unknowable, and unknown enough of the knowable, to move into a deeper space of reflection. One of the three key principles of the Abyssians is that there MUST be at least one person observing Abyss at all times.
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[tw: death talk in next paragraph, stops after that]
The lowest level of the platforms is the walkway. The Abyssians believe that the greatest fate in death is to join the infinitely knowable unknown, to become one part in the collective un-soul of the mob hoards in the darkness, in unity becoming both everything and nothing at the same time. The walk is their final destination. A body will be carried there and released if a villager dies elsewhere, and a lot of people who can feel their death coming will go down there and meditate for a few days while their loved ones make them as comfortable as possible until they die. However, elder priests and people who have either achieved high honour or done a great deal of harm that they regret will walk the precipice themselves, disappearing into the forever-dark.
In practical terms for day-to-day living, there is an Abyss shrine in most households. I haven't built an example to show yet, but it is a very deep, narrow hole in the floor, dug deep enough under the house to create a piece of the same shadowy can-stare-into-it-forever effect as the ravine has. Villagers will put small offerings down the shrine on special occasions, like a birth in the family, or they'll give a tiny part of a harvest or mining haul. That way, the event or good/bad fortune can be symbolically connected to the whole and added to the depth of the knowledge Abyss stores within its unknown.
Above every household Abyss shrine is a copy of the Tome of Abyss, which outlines the three main pacts of Abyss (which if you don’t care to read six pages of my drabble, roughly amount to “do NOT light up the ravine” “Abyss is revered as an afterlife or sacred lack of afterlife” and “at least one person must be watching Abyss at all times”)
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As for the motto in the back, I have a feeling that I used a slightly different translation than the common usage for at least one of these words, but I can’t for the life of me remember it now. -_- Just by running it through latin to english translation though, it roughly amounts to “Without light, without end, without fault”.
You could call Abyss a death god, or a knowledge god, or a type of void god (although it's really quite the opposite, with the Void being an entity of paradoxically absolute nothingness and Abyss being the infinite multitude and possibility contained in darkness), but it isn't really any one of those things. It's a bit debatable whether it even existed before the villagers found it, or if their observation gave it its will in the first place, but whatever it is and however it came about, it exists now. It exists, and I like it the normal amount. Yup. Definitely the normal amount. :)
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proudlylost · 4 years ago
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My 6+1 favorite SPN fics: AU
After the SPN finale I kinda got sucked back into the fandom. The excessive amount of fanfiction reading ensued (I re-read all of my SPN fic favorites and then some) and I realised I have actually read quite a lot of them. So I thought I could share them, to highlight all the talented authors there is and also to gather all of my favorites into the one place. This post contain my favorite AU fics, the SPN universe edition of this fic rec can be found here.
Ninety One Whiskey by komodobits
“In the spring of 1944, the 104th Medical Battalion of the United States Army is disbanded, and its men reassigned to various infantry companies in preparation for their invasion of occupied France. For First Lieutenant Novak, this is less than helpful, as he has so far met his platoon’s designated medic a grand total of twice, and has both times found Sergeant Winchester to be the optimum combination of reckless, arrogant, and downright insufferable so as to make cohesive platoon function near impossible. When the time comes to move out, however, Castiel has to reconcile himself to the fact that men are going to go down and trust that Dean Winchester may well be the only person who can put them back together again. WW2 ETO infantry AU. “ 
READ! THIS! Well, there is some really disturbing war related and time period related stuff, but if you can stomach that, read it! Along with the Angel’s Wild, this is my favorite fanfiction. This fic is heart wrenching and so, so good.The characterization is on point. Historical accuracy is on point. Slow burn is on point. Everything is just perfect. However, as I said, this fic is heavy stuff. There is some serious angst (I cried. I almost never cry when reading) and trauma. But there is glimmers of hope, even if sometimes it feels hopeless. Expected recovery time: at least two weeks. Word Count:  401,183. Explicit
Angel’s wild by LimonadeGaby and riseofthefallenone
“But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels.
Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right?
That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.”
This was first longer fic that I read from Supernatural fandom and I fell in love. So this is “the fic that got me into the fandom” but I have read it multiple times since and it is still very, very good. I love everything about this fic. It is very original and the lore is amazing. I love how Dean and Cas are both quite young (in Cas’s case, relatively speaking) and how their love develops (slow burn! <3) I love how Cas is described and I love how he communicates (unintentionally) with flowers. You can also read this without having any knowledge of supernatural series (like I did) which is always impressive for a fic. Wor count:  389, 271. Explicit
For All You Young Hockey Players Out There, Pay Attention by thursdaysfallenangel
“Dean Winchester knows two things about hockey, two things his dad made sure he knew. One, hockey is a guy’s sport, and two, hockey is family. Hockey meant Sam and Bobby and Benny and Victor and Gabriel and hell, his entire team. So when Victor gets traded, Russian-star-turned-new-teammate Castiel Krushnic becomes a threat. As much as Dean hates him for that, the longer he sticks around, the more he begins to threaten that first rule too. Dean’s been taught his whole life that those who play hockey should not be captivated by deep accented voices and the way a guy handles his stick, so how the hell is he supposed to justify what he’s starting to think about Cas? All Dean wanted at the beginning of the season was to win, and now all he wants to do is figure out how he feels about Cas and how to deal with it without ruining his career and tearing his family apart. “
Ah, three of my absolute favourite things smashed into the same fic: sports, slow burn and enemies to lovers. This fic has lots of cameos from supernatural characters, because hockey teams require lots of players. So it is easy to spot your favorite character in this fic. This fic is probably one of may favorites, because of the sport environment (Outside the fandom, I have been super into sports. Like so much I have several national championships medals from my sport. Anyway, not a point here): also the sexual tension between Dean and Cas is so good, especially when they are pumped with the adrenaline. You don’t really need to understand sports to enjoy this fic, though. Word count:  143,592. Explicit
Formula Won by cardinalwrites
“Of all the places Castiel Novak thought he would take in his career, an internship as a Formula One Paddock Correspondent (or journalist, for short) was most definitely not one of them for a few reasons. One: He had no clue what the hell Formula One was. Two: He knew nothing about sports in general. And Three: He should not fall in love with the people he’s supposed to be asking hard-hitting questions to, least of all the head driver of one of the oldest and most well-renowned teams in the sport’s history.
This is a love story told around the world through the eyes of the person that knows the least about where he has found himself in. Come follow a 20-race season finding love in the lost, learning the truth, and figuring out what the hell Formula One is along the way.”
Another sports fic with a slow burn. This is probably not everyone’s cup of tea, because there is quite a lot information about formula one, and the reading experience is more enjoyable if already know about formulas/do your research. Don’t let it stop you though, because this fic is very good. The friendship between Dean and Cas is very natural, and later the romance as well. The plot is very engaging and the drama inside the formula one organization is so good. This fic is also not so “heavy” as the other ones in my list (of course, there are problems along the way, but even the fic’s tags say there will be fluff). The rating is T, which is kinda surprising, because I did not notice it until I already had read the whole fic. Word count: 123,777. Teen
Have Love, Will Travel by squeemonster
Castiel Novak is a reclusive writer with a childhood so tragic it's left him terrified to leave his home—until his overbearing brother, Gabriel, drags him out for a night on the town full of booze and strip clubs, and he encounters Dean Winchester, a mesmerizing and mysterious stripper with secrets of his own. Both men find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other, and soon Dean's private dances for Castiel become much more, as both men confess their troubles and find solace in each other's company. But neither can seem to find the courage to take their relationship further than the intimacy of the club's VIP Room—and just when Dean's own brother gives him the excuse he needs to finally admit his feelings, Dean discovers something that brings it all crumbling down. Will they find a way past their demons and their trust issues, and back to each other?
This is one of the fandom classics and quite rightfully so. Both Dean and Cas have issues, in other words: what’s new? The sexual chemistry between them was so good and well written, but there is also angst and mental health issues (mostly Cas). Sam is quite young in this fic, but manages to be very much a little brother. I honestly loved this fic when I was a bit younger, but I think it is still very good and deserves its place in this list. Word count  94,054. Explicit
Pick It All Up by thepinupchemist
Army veteran Castiel Novak is a wreck after his tour in Afghanistan, brought home to his brother's apartment in Lawrence, Kansas with scars both mental and physical. He copes poorly, and during one night of bad decision making, meets somebody just as much of a disaster as he is -- a prostitute named Dean Winchester. And suddenly, two damaged men might not be as irreparable as they believed.
Ah, it seems that I’m incapable of picking nice, fluffy, happy fanfics. This certainly is not one of them. There is full warnings in the tags, because there is some triggering stuff: PTSD, mentions of past abuse, alcoholism etc. But, this is also very healing story in its own way (It has happy ending. I guess I can spoil that because it reads in the tags) . I avoided this fic for a long time, because the prostitute!Dean tag scared me away, but this was so worth of reading (as I said, happy ending)! Gabriel is super supportive and sweet brother and Dean and Cas are dysfunctional but they work so well despite all the trauma they have endured. Word count:  126,611. Explicit
Bonus: Twist and Shout by gabriel and standbyme
What begins as a transforming love between Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in the summer of 1965 quickly derails into something far more tumultuous when Dean is drafted in the Vietnam War. Though the two both voice their relationship is one where saying goodbye is never a real truth, their story becomes fraught with the tragedy of circumstance. In an era where homosexuality was especially vulnerable, Twist and Shout is the story of the love transcending time, returning over and over in its many forms, as faithful as the sea.
Well, I don’t think this fic needs any introductions. This is the fic, the most popular in SPN fandom and one of the most popular ones in the whole ao3. I thought that I could read this, because I don’t generally have many triggers, despite all the warnings. I was a wreck during reading. And I have managed to read it once and I can’t make myself read it again. But it is good and amazingly written. This fic plucks every emotion out of you and does anything it pleases with them. You have been warned. Word count:  97,556. Explicit
(When I wrote this fic rec I also realised I have a serious problem with long fics. Like, most of my favorites are at least 100,000 words. At this point I think I don’t even consider a fic to be slow burn, unless it takes several days to complete the fic. Oops)
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littleredwritinghoodxx · 4 years ago
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#thirsty-and-in-denial-Zelda
Thank you @intangiblyyourswrites for the writing challenge.
Prompt:
The real reason Zelda initially shows such a abhorrence to Link is because she’s secretly heads-over-heels for him and refuses to show it. Her pride is on the line, after all.
Rules:
Must be set in the BotW timeline
When it’s set is up to you (e.g. Pre-Calamity or post, pre-Blades of the Yiga or post)
No chronology enforced, but I’m interested to see if we can get a somewhat coherent story out of this!
You may do however many posts/drabbles you’d like
Tag #thirsty-and-in-denial-Zelda so we can find your story!
This is set up pre Zelda’s Resentment, and lemme tell you, she is quite resentful.
Also... this is the most sinful thing I have ever written. Like, ye have been warned. This is rated M shit. And by shit, I mean smut. It’s low key smut.
Thank you @bhujerbanwrites for looking this over for me!
I’ve never written smut before.
Dear lord, please be merciful on me.
Alas: I’m not even sorry.
Please enjoy... The Tip of his Sword
There are rumors floating about the castle: rumors that Princess Zelda is head-over-heels for her appointed knight.
But of course she isn’t. She is the Crown Princess of Hyrule. It would be unseemly for her to think about her knight attendant in that way.
Indeed, it would be uncouth for her to think about the way his hands rest upon her hips, large and rough and hot, adjusting her stance during archery practice. It would be improper for her to think about his sharp gaze, those blue irises piercing straight through her, turning her legs to jelly and rendering her utterly useless.
It would be inappropriate for her to think about him pushing her roughly against her desk in her tower, knocking over all of her books and tomes on the Ancient Sheikah – priceless first editions, how dare he – as his hands grasp her hips, her thighs, her breasts. Absolutely unbecoming for her to imagine him trailing hot kisses from the curve of her jaw, all the way down, down, down the column of her neck, as his fingers trail across her skin like a serpent, sliding closer and closer –
Nope. She most certainly is not head-over-heels for Link.
Erhm… her appointed knight.
She turns over in bed and screams into her pillow, the sound muffled as she tries to clear her mind of him. He is always there, the insufferable thing. How dare he. She has much more important things to focus on, like unlocking her Sacred Powers – which, mind you, she is doing her very best at, thank you very much – or discovering more secrets that the Ancient Sheikah left behind in the wake of the prophecy.
She doesn’t have the time to be thinking about her knight stripping her down to her socks, pinning her to the wall – with his one hand tangled in her hair, the other touching her there, smirking against her ear as he whispers uncouth things to her, pushing into her from behind –
Nope. Definitely not head-over-heels for her knight.
She clearly isn’t going to get any sleep that night, and so she whips the covers off of her and swings her legs over the side of her bed, wincing as her warm feet hit cold, unforgiving stone. She fetches her robe from the bedpost, tying the thin, silk tie at the front and steps barefoot across her room.
A warm breeze drifts in from her open windows. Summer is in full swing, and it is no secret that it is one of Zelda’s favorite seasons. The warmer months mean freedom: it means adventures into the wild to study the fauna, expeditions with Purah and Robbie to some Ancient Sheikah excavation. Her father doesn’t approve, but he knows that mother would have said yes, and thus he doesn’t protest.
Guards patrol the courtyard beneath her balcony and bridge to her tower. Rather than being seen and causing even more rumors to float about the castle, Zelda sticks to the shadows. Summers spent with the Sheikah do wonders for her now, as she disappears in plain sight. Perhaps that had been a mistake for her father to send her away in the years following her mother’s death. Impa had been reluctant to guide her in the ways of the Sheikah, but where Impa was hesitant, Purah was awfully enthusiastic.
She makes it across the bridge, with the door to her study shutting with an inaudible click. Here, she lights a candle, her study awash with the flickering flame licking shadows up and down her body. She sits down in her worn out chair, her fingers trailing her notes from where she last left off.
Ah, yes. Academics. This was the one thing that her appointed knight absolutely could not touch – oh, how she desperately aches for his touch. She and Purah had last been studying the ancient shrines off in the Tabantha region. From their most recent research, they concluded that the shrines were meant to be accessed by the Sword’s chosen one.
And the Sword… had chosen him.
Not to be dramatic, but what in Nayru’s name was the Goddess Hylia thinking in choosing him? Everything came so naturally to him: his ability with the sword, his speed and strength, his stunning good looks… He hardly has to work for his success, and yet Zelda is stuck trying day in and day out to unlock a sacred power that she is starting to believe she didn’t inherit.
She sighs, tilting her head back on her chair. Ever since her father had appointed him as her knight, she hardly ever got a moment to herself. These days, field expeditions with the Sheikah included her, Purah, Robbie… and Link.
He really couldn’t take a hint, it seemed. Try as she might to make him feel unwelcome, there he was, always three steps behind her or standing just beyond their excavation, the tip of his sword digging into the ground as he looked coolly beyond.
Indeed, she has some better uses for the tip of his sword.
She sighs, her eyes drifting closed as her legs part just enough. She can think of some ways he might better utilize it. He might lift her so her ass is on her desk, her legs parted as he steps forward. Her legs would wrap around his hips as he presses his lips to hers, kissing her filthily, all tongue and teeth. He would slowly push into her, hissing into her shoulder while she suppresses her moan. They can’t have the castle hear them, now can they? Her pride is on the line, after all.
She might shove him down onto her bed – a place she’s told no place but her husband should lie – and straddle his hips, grinding hers in perfect, languid circles before finally – slowly – sinking down onto him, biting her lip as she watches his usually stoic facade crumble.
He might adjust the rotations of the Royal Guard – he is the Captain, after all – so that her bridge and the courtyard below are deserted in some part of the night. Then, with not a soul in sight, he would brace her against the railing of the bridge, fucking her senseless as she muffles her moans, his fingers digging crescent shape marks into her hips where only she would see –
She comes quickly – fingers moving desperately within her and practiced against her clit. She tilts back in her chair slightly, riding out the orgasm as a small moan escapes from her lips.
She tilts back in her chair too far.
She comes down from her orgasm as she comes down with a crash, a loud yelp escaping her lips as she rolls to soften the fall. She lays there, underwear tangled around her ankles as she breathes heavily, the sweet cerulean of the moon reflected on her stone bridge being replaced with the soft flicker of the candlelight.
Then: commotion.
“Princess?”
The voice is closer than she would have liked, and even more horrifying: it’s his. She stumbles to her feet, her eyes wild as she yanks her underwear up wobbling legs. Hastily, she wipes her fingers along the side of her nightgown, before running them through her hair, trying to make herself not look so… so…
Disheveled.
She hears footsteps on the bridge – running, she can tell. She hasn’t responded, and she knows that he has assumed the worst. Princesses only don’t respond when they’ve been captured or otherwise compromised.
Because apparently, just trying to work through her own frustration with her disgustingly perfect knight isn’t a good enough reason.
She is frantically replacing her chair on its legs and smoothing out her nightgown when –
The door to her study is whipped open. He stands there, his eyes dangerous and his sword unsheathed – stop thinking about his unsheathed sword.  She stands there, trying and failing to control her panting, wide-eyed and guilty as fuck – don’t think about that, you terrible, foolish girl.
It’s him, because of course it’s him, it’s always him. He now looks relieved to see her – she’s safe, there’s no threat – but then those eyes squint in suspicion. She had yelled out but she was safe. So then, why?
Then, his nose crinkles.
And Zelda wants to drown herself in the castle moat.
Zelda speaks first and it’s more of a babble, “What in Hylia’s name are you doing here? I can’t get some late night studying in without being barged in by my knight? I’m not a child.”
“I heard you yell out and then a crash. I only came to make sure you were alright,” his voice is calm and leveled and she has to fight against her instinct to get lost in it.
“I toppled out of my chair while looking over the ancient Sheikah shrines in the Tabantha region,” She does not need to explain herself and yet here she is, chattering away at something his peanut sized brain couldn’t hope to comprehend, “As you can see, I am perfectly fine.”
He seems distracted, now that there’s no immediate threat. It’s odd, considering he is never distracted. His eyes dart around the small study, looking everywhere and anywhere except at her. Slowly, he sheaths his sword, and the moment stretches out, the only sound between them the grind of his sword against his scabbard.
She tries not to think about that too hard.
“I can see that.”
Oh?
“Then why are you still here?”
That reaction was uncalled for and she knows it, but she’s strung up and panicking and sweet Nayru just take her soul now.
Link blinks and he takes a step back. She can hear the gears shifting in his head. She hates how methodical he is, hates how thoughtful and polite he is.
She wants to make it perfectly clear that she cannot stand her gorgeous appointed knight.
“I apologize, Princess,” he murmurs, his eyes finally reaching hers. His sharp, blue eyes still her and she thinks that she can scarcely breathe. How dare he, “Do you require any further assistance?”
She would be lying if she said she doesn’t.
Instead, she draws upon her wrath, “I beg your pardon?”
“I can call on your maids to draw up a bath,” Link says, quickly, and though it’s dark, she swears she can see a distinct flush upon his cheeks, “Or call upon the kitchens to send something up to help you sleep.”
Sleep. Goddesses know she is the furthest thing away from sleep.
“That won’t be necessary,” she whispers, hoping that the venom on her tongue will hold his tongue. Oh – the things that man could do with his tongue.
Hylia preserve her.
“You’re dismissed, Sir Link,” she manages to say.
She walks past him, back across the bridge, specifically averting her gaze from the railing of the bridge, facing a perfectly full moon.
“As you command, my Princess,” he whispers, and she wants to scream.
She hates him so very much.
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alo-piss-trancy · 4 years ago
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Ok hi, I didn't wanna say anything, but please don't write knifeplay/bloodplay for Yuri. I def don't wanna spoil anything, but it's learned on a certain route that Yuri has a s*lf h*rm problem (I'll leave it at that).
You honestly seem like you're not trying to be a jerk with this ask, so I'm going to do my best to answer this as politely as possible without compromising my personal beliefs on the matter. This is going to be long and a little serious, but please note I'm not attacking you or trying to start a debate. I'm just laying all my thoughts on this down at once so I make myself clear, because a short answer would leave a lot of nuance out.
I understand what you're trying to do here. For the record though, I also considered that a pretty massive spoiler and I did not appreciate that at all. Even if you all think you're 'helping', don't do that again. Y/uri was pretty much the only character I'd managed to avoid most spoilers on and you killed the surprise for me. This game is already so full of fluffy 'filler' in the beginning that I don't have a ton of big plot points to look forward to in each route.
Now, I realise this is a very delicate topic and incredibly triggering to some people, especially with those two things combined. I am 100% willing to tag it with just about any variation needed to ensure you or others affected can blacklist/block it and never have to see a word of it in the future. I'd also be happy to go back and tag that original text post I made if needed. I mean that. You all are welcome to ask me to tag things anytime, and so long as you're polite about it I'm perfectly willing to oblige to the best of my ability in future posts! If I occasionally forget, just toss me a light reminder and I'll jump into editing and add it in.
That said, I want to make it clear that I am very firmly against censorship. I'm willing to take all necessary precautions to ensure people can curate their experiences on this blog and AO3, but at the end of the day I can still post whatever fictional stuff I choose to. As can anyone else. Same goes for more formally published media.
Now, it's entirely possible I would have gotten to that part of the game and decided 'oh dang, I'm not so enthused about that fic idea anymore...'. My whims and ideas change frequently, and what you mentioned is a heavy topic with a lot to unpack and process. It's also entirely possible that future plot would only provide more fuel.
Fyi, when I originally mentioned the knifeplay I was actually thinking a lot more along the lines of her doing it to the protagonist, not the reverse. But for the record, if I did choose to write it with focus on Y/uri, I would still be well within my rights to.
This next part of my answer is going to address some heavy topics, this is your warning!!!
Sometimes people's kinks are a way to take a thing that is personally scary or upsetting to them and find a way to reverse it. To find pleasure or power or get used to the idea of the awful thing in a safe, controlled fashion. I'm not going to go into the full details on this because there's plenty of explanation and research elsewhere already written up, as well as an excellent book on the subject, and I'm not turning this blog into a discourse debate. But I needed to mention it for my point.
There are plenty of stories that could be explored with Y/uri in this context. Did she have this kink before the self harm events started and it was completely unrelated, or did she develop it afterwards? How did she discover it beforehand? If developed afterwards, did it start out as another way of harming mixed with pleasure in a self-destructive way, often done sloppily and without proper technique? Or was it strictly used as almost exposure therapy to deal with those urges and thoughts in a safer, more contained scenario, maybe even allowing the partner she trusted to wield the knife to prove their bond/reinforce that she can be loved without being hurt deeply, that she is worthy of affection and trust and loyalty. Maybe this finally helps give Y/uri a tool to embrace her 'weirdness' without harming herself and others. Or, what if she thinks it can be a useful tool and is sure she's ready, but partway through the scene she gets triggered or has flashbacks... how does she deal with it? How does her partner? Can it be overcome with effort, research, and taking things slowly, or does she realize this kink is actually completely off the table for her?
What if she has this kink and is excited to try it, but her partner isn't? How does she take that rejection? Or do her poor social skills mean she skipped negotiation to begin with and attempted it in the middle of a vanilla session? Would her partner freak out or even get mad, or try to swallow their fear and let her do it so they don't hurt/offend her, even at the cost of their own comfort?
This topic also opens a ton of potential plots for darkfic, but I'll refrain from discussing that out of respect for you and others.
So as you can see, there's much more to explore than 'Knife=Hot'. I believe those discussions and ideas are necessary and provide important fuel for thought when explored fictionally, especially since mainstream media doesn't cover a lot of them.
~~~
I feel I should take a second to clarify knifeplay for those who may be unaware. It doesn't always equate to actual cutting/drawing blood. That can be an aspect, but usually only by those far more experienced and, you know, actually into that. A lot of participants don't actually go that far. Mostly, it's either about the physical sensation of the knife touching you at all, or the adrenaline/controlled fear and intimate trust of a partner bringing an object like that so close/teasing you with it.
In fact, it's frequently advised in those circles (especially to newcomers) to use a dull butterknife instead, because it simulates the same feelings of metal on skin/can dig in a little without any real risk of cutting/drawing blood. Even if one chooses to use a different knife, it's still pretty common to dull the blade, or some people even substitute with a closed pair of scissors (combined with the partner blindfolded, you can't really tell it apart from the real thing).
These versions of knifeplay are well controlled and ultimately pretty harmless, so long as both parties know what they're doing and stay alert. And more experienced players with sharper knives are even more cautious/have studied extensively to know where/how deep to go without risking scarring/serious injury.
Remember the golden rules of kink: Safe. Sane. Consensual.
With those in place, it is not nearly the same as self harm. Just as controlled, consensual, well-negotiated BDSM with safewords, respected boundaries and a trusted partner is never in the same league as abuse.
~~~
Now that that's out of the way, back to my point:
There's no perfect representation or narrative for everyone, in any group (be that gender/sexuality/triggered by certain things, etc). Every human being is different, everyone interprets media differently, and everyone takes away different elements from stories.
What one person in a particular group may find cathartic, relateable, or painful but necessary food for thought, another may find completely repulsive, personally hurtful, offensive, something they can't stand to hear. And guess what? Both of those can be true at the same time. One side is not immediately right over the other.
There are queer characters or interpretations of them in fics that I vehemently despise, might even find hurtful or sickening and think 'how can anyone create this, it's insufferable! People in 'my group' aren't like that, it's a horrible representation. I can't relate to it at all!' But you know what? Other people can and do, may find comfort in those exact narratives and experiences, may heal their pain instead of inflicting more. And that's great. It's what they needed or wanted and if I don't like it, I click away and do my best to avoid it.
There are specific tropes and narrative themes I personally cannot get through without being triggered into anxiety attacks or dragged back to bad times and places in my life. Sometimes I see them tackled in ways that are hurtful or seem insensitive to me. But I recognise that for someone else, it's exactly what they needed to see to get through that or come to terms with it, or see a way they wish that thing could play out. I would never dream of telling those people they aren't allowed to enjoy it, OR telling the creator of that piece of media or a tv show 'Hey ummm please don't use this plot because it turns me into a human wreck for a week'. Because it's not remotely my place to do so. They can create whatever they want, they have no responsibility towards me or my well being. A few might be kind enough to include a warning at the beginning of that episode or in the description, but they are in no way required to. It's up to me to curate my experience and try to keep my guard up/research what might have those tropes, and in the rare occasions I get blindsided, yeah, it hurts like hell. I struggle, I might even backslide a bit. But I just have to try my best to deal with it and make a note to be more careful next time. Because you can't control the world around you, not even the online world, and you have absolutely no right to. The only right you have is to protect yourself without infringing on other people's boundaries/rights.
And there's also another important point. There doesn't have to be a big important point or explanation for why a creator creates something, or why consumers can enjoy that creation! If someone wants to create a plotline with all of my triggers used in the most 'insensitive', 'wrong', pointless ways possible, strictly for Entertainment or pure kink material instead of some deep dissection of the issues involved? They can go hog wild!!! They are 100% allowed to do so on this earth, and I can't (and wouldn't want to) do a thing to stop them.
One person can read a kink fic and it hits a very emotional theme for them/they think it explores a deep topic well. Another person can read that same fic and get nothing out of it except their rocks off. Both of those readers are completely equal and 'allowed' to enjoy that fic. Both reasons are completely valid reasons for why the creator was 'allowed' to post/create that fic in the first place. Nobody needs permission, nobody has to answer to anybody except themselves. Period. This extends to any topic, any type of fic.
Yes, even for things I find absolutely abhorrent and insensitive and don't understand/want to read ever. I may resent everything about its existence, but I will defend to death the creator's right to make it exist in the first place.
It only affects me if I let it affect me. If someone's making content I despise or am upset by and can't handle, I can choose to ignore or avoid them, blacklist those tags, I can block them and move on with my day. I can do anything within my own bubble, but the second I consider going into their bubble and saying they can't make that thing, I am in the wrong. Because I'm not respecting their space and rights.
If someone makes cookies with ingredients I'm highly allergic to, pastes the ingredient warnings all over the box where I read them, and I still eat one, would anyone cheer me on for blaming them when I have a reaction? Would anyone think it was remotely okay of me to start calling up every bakery in town and saying they weren't allowed to bake those cookies EVER, because some people somewhere might be allergic?
No. They'd tell me I was crossing the line, because I'm infringing on other people's boundaries and lives. I'm expecting everybody else to take responsibility for something that, while horrible and painful, was my fault for touching.
Now, if someone sets out unlabelled cookies not realizing I'm allergic to something in them, and I eat it and have a reaction, that sucks. It's an awful experience. But is it the baker's fault? As long as they didn't do it maliciously, not really. They can be advised politely to label it in the future, and I can do my best to remember to ask/be more cautious next time I come across something I'm unsure of, but they're still allowed to bake those cookies for themselves and others.
Now, if I deliberately baked cookies with an ingredient that people are very frequently allergic to (ex. peanuts) and set it out in a crowded buffet without a warning label, that's a jerk move. That's intentionally trying to cause harm to others. But simply baking that flavour of cookies still isn't a crime or harmful by itself.
~~~
I'll be honest, I'm running out of steam and I think I've said most of what I have to say, so I'll wrap it up. I want to reiterate that I'm not ripping into you with this long answer, anon! I understand why you sent me what you did and I'm trying not to come off as harsh. I'm happy to go back and tag things and will tag anything else similar in the future!!! But at the end of the day, regardless of whether I personally end up writing that fic or not, or even want to after I get to that plot, I don't agree with telling anyone they can't/shouldn't write it at all. I wanted to try and explain my viewpoint thoroughly, and I hope you can respect that, just as I'll respect and try to accommodate you and other followers. This is the only time I'll really get up on a soapbox like this, and I have no interest in debating these things on my blog further, but it is a topic I've been passionate about all my life so I'm afraid I'm not budging on it.
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mostlycompetentwriter · 5 years ago
Text
I Am You- Complete
Pairing: OC x Bang Chan x Jisung x Changbin (Stray Kids)
Genre: Romantic Fantasy
Warnings: Smut, Language, Violence
Word Count: 35,308 
Author’s Note: Hello, wonderful readers! I Am You is officially finished! I’d like to thank everyone who read the story and left a note or comment. It was really hard for me to put my writing on this site because I sorely lack confidence when it comes to my writing abilities. With that said, seeing how many people enjoyed the story was really validating. 
Also, the editing may be different in this full text because I tried to be responsible and use Grammarly's assistance.
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Chapter One
Chan always treated me like I was something precious.
We were five years old when we met for the very first time. I remember clutching tightly to my mother’s leg while Chan stepped out from behind his parents to get a closer look at me. His eyes were a familiar blue, kind and warm, and he immediately scented the air. “She smells nice,” he told his mother, and the compliment softened my introverted shell. From that day on, we were nearly inseparable. 
Even our mothers had decided that we would be mates one day. “Chan is already sweet on her,” my mother would say, watching over the two of us. Chan liked to scent me, always curling into my side, when I was still somehow taller than him, burying his nose against the swollen gland. I would complain because his breath was hot and sticky, coating my skin with a light shimmer of moisture. 
We started school together with the other pups, holding hands when we walked into the classroom for the very first time. Apparently, the others thought it was weird, especially Jisung, who would mock Chan when he chose to paint with me instead of playing soccer outside. I didn’t like Jisung. He was rude and opinionated, and I hated how much Chan tried to impress him. 
Jisung’s best friend was a smaller boy named Changbin. Although quieter, all dark eyes and hair, he didn’t hesitate to join his friend in their endless teasing. Eventually, the teasing broke me and I cried for the very first time after Jisung managed to encourage the entire class to laugh at me when he read one of my poems out loud, voice high-pitched and mocking.
I was transferred to another class and, much to my displeasure, Chan started to spend more time with Jisung and Changbin. He would invite them over to his house, and I always left because I could barely stand being in the same vicinity. I became a loner, occasionally talking with some of the other girls, but mostly keeping to myself. 
By the time middle school came around, Chan and I had grown apart, joining different social circles. Chan was the third component to the mischievous and troublemaking trio that also consisted of Jisung and Changbin. They were always tormenting the younger pups, much to the chagrin of our teachers, and I did my best to stay off their radar. It was also around this time that our bodies slowly started changing. Chan finally grew taller than me, and Jisung and Changbin outgrew the cute roundness that most pups were born with.
High school further transformed our dynamic. It all started with Chan because the boy was absolutely heartbroken when his mother died. I remember being at the funeral, watching Chan from afar. He refused to speak at the ceremony, and I found him crying inside one of the bathrooms on the second floor of the viewing house. When I sat next to him, unhesitating in baring my neck, the blonde-haired boy had immediately touched his nose delicately to my scent gland. He pulled me into his arms and the two of us spent the next two hours talking, regrets and mistakes laid bare, until our souls felt as free as they had when we were children, reconciling like old acquaintances.
From that point on, Chan started spending a lot of time with me and we easily settled into our old friendship. It was wonderful, and I savored every second of our renewed bond. But Chan also insisted on maintaining his friendship with Jisung and Changbin, much to my displeasure. And Chan insisted we all get along, so I agreed to give the other two boys a chance.
However, I think Chan regretted that decision because Jisung and I butted heads at every opportunity. He was insufferable, whining about his parents forcing him to start patrols as if nobody else had to go through something like that. He was also irresponsible, and I didn’t understand why Chan liked him. Changbin was also difficult to like, especially since he remained silent most of the time, chattering softly with Chan and Jisung but always offering my questions and comments blank, dismissive stares.
And that was before Chan and I started sleeping together. 
It started when we both turned 16, and Chan complained to me about how painful his ruts could be. As an omega girl, I couldn’t really relate to his problems, but I had started getting my heats and figured the discomfort was comparable. We agreed to help one another, and I spent my first weekend in Chan’s bed, taking my first ever knot which was wildly uncomfortable, especially since Chan wasn’t in the right mindset to consider how it might affect me. 
However, when we returned to school on Monday, Jisung immediately picked up on our illicit activities. “You smell like Chan,” he said, tone accusatory. 
Jisung was furious when he discovered we had slept together. He was not only dismissive towards me, but he also ignored Chan as well. I personally didn’t care if Jisung ignored me, but I could tell it hurt Chan, so I confronted Jisung.
“You shouldn’t act like that,” I told him. “Chan is your friend.”
“He knew,” Jisung growled, frightening me a little with the heightened spicy element to his scent. “He broke our promise,” he insisted. I was confused by his anger because I had no idea what Chan could have done to hurt Jisung so much. 
Suddenly, my confusion was replaced by surprise when Jisung crowded me against the wall, leaning in abruptly to inhale deeply against my neck. “You shouldn’t smell like him,” Jisung continued and I stayed frozen in place, wincing when he roughly pressed his wrist against my scent gland, rubbing against the oily surface. 
Jisung seemed satisfied when he was finished, pulling away to scent the air again. “Better,” he muttered to himself.
After that day, Jisung was suddenly a lot nicer to me. He walked with me to my classes, offered to accompany me home after school, and he started bringing me a lot of random gifts: pencils and pens, paints and brushes, and even the little canvases I liked to use when I worked on my art. I never said anything because I figured this was his way of apologizing for the way he had acted before. Jisung certainly never apologized aloud.
It was also easier to tolerate Jisung when he acted like this and, on occasion, I even found myself laughing at the jokes he made or the funny, hyperactive way he liked to express himself. Of course, I reminded myself frequently about our childhood mishaps, the way Jisung would tease or ridicule me. “We were kids, Myah,” Chan would tell me. “Jisung grew up, we all did.”
But perhaps my biggest flaw was holding a grudge. 
It all came to fruition one afternoon while the three of us were eating lunch. I was quiet, suffering from some early cramping signaling my impending heat. I had applied scent blockers that day, hoping to disguise the sweet-smelling aroma from the rest of my classmates. It usually worked, but somehow Jisung was able to pick up on it. “You’re going into heat soon,” he bluntly said, and my cheeks blossomed with red, looking around to make sure nobody else had heard his observation.
“You can smell it?” I hissed incredulously, lifting my wrist to my nose, but finding myself unable to pick up on anything other than the dull, earthy scent of the blockers. 
Jisung cleared his throat, sheepishly glancing over at Chan as if looking for confirmation. Changbin was quiet as always, looking down at his food. “Myah,” Jisung started, catching me off-guard with the sincere use of my name. “I know heats can be painful to go through alone, so if you want, I could help you out?”
Jisung had surprised me before, but never to such an intimate extent. He was asking for permission to fuck me, not just once, but several times until my heat broke. It usually lasted for about three days, and that was a long time to spend with someone, especially considering the pathetic headspace I entered during my temporary fever-induced coma. “Why?” I asked, quickly looking over at Chan, expecting him to be outraged by the comment. But Chan was earnest, in that annoying way of his, and it felt like I was the only one who didn’t understand what was going on. “Chan already offered to help me out with my heats.”
I was trying to be nice for Chan’s sake. After all, there were a million other things I could have told Jisung, starting with our barely friendly acquaintanceship or the horrible way he had always treated me in the past. “I know,” Jisung replied, and he swallowed hard as if holding back his frustration. “But I’m offering to do you a favor.”
A favor? I finally snapped. “It wouldn’t be a favor from you,” I sharply retorted, “Why would you care anyway? I don’t like you, and I know you don’t like me. You’ve always treated me like shit, and you’ve always been there to embarrass me whenever you get the opportunity.” It dawned on me then that perhaps Jisung was mocking me again, embarrassing me now in front of Chan. “I don’t need you to keep putting me down,” I finally growled, my unregulated hormones adding aggression to my tone.
Jisung stood abruptly, and any further arguments dissolved when I realized that Jisung was crying, a tear trailing down the side of his cheek as he picked up his tray and stormed away. “That wasn’t nice, Myah,” Chan quickly chided me.
I turned my anger on him instead. “He was trying to embarrass me!”
“No he wasn’t,” Chan said, tone softening as his eyes scanned over my likely disheveled appearance. 
“Jisung likes you,” Changbin inserted, sighing as he picked up his tray. “It’s really obvious.”
I glared at Changbin’s retreating figure before turning on Chan, demanding answers. “Jisung has always been rude to me!”
Chan picked at his food, refusing to meet my gaze. “Jisung was trying to get your attention, but he was always afraid you would reject him, that’s why he acted so cold.”
“It doesn’t make sense,” I insisted, even as the memory of our strange bathroom encounter jostled itself into remembrance.
“He really likes your scent,” Chan supplied. “Alphas always like the scents of the omegas they see as potential mates.”
Mates? “We’re supposed to be mates, Chan,” I whined. 
Chan finally looked up, meeting my eyes with a serious expression. “Sometimes omegas can have more than one alpha.”
---------------------------------------------------------
Present
Hot.
I think I said it out loud, my voice hoarse from overuse, affected deeply by the intoxicating combination of our hormones. “I’ll take care of it,” he whispered to me gently, a contradiction to the heavy way he thrust into me, cock hitting deep inside.
“Feels good,” I said while inhaling his scent, a beautiful mixture of vanilla and something spicy, perfectly satisfying to my natural instincts. 
He ran his hand up and down the length of my thigh, wrapped around his slim waist securely, touch summoning hundreds of little bumps to rise along my skin. “Do you want a knot this time?” he asked, pressing delicate kisses along my collarbones.
“Jisung,” I moaned, voice catching on a lilt when I felt the base of his cock start to swell. “I need it, please.”
“Whatever my princess wants,” Jisung promised, and I felt my heart thud violently against my breastbone. I had always admired the way Jisung remained so controlled, able to vocalize coherently, responding to my pathetic pleas with kind assurances. I might tease Jisung relentlessly, as a recurring component to our dynamic, like telling him his cock could not compare to Chan or Changbin’s just to watch his eyes light with a familiar fire. But Jisung would always act so loving, even if he was rutting, and he more than made up for his size with his caring nature. His admirable ability to keep his alpha at bay, eyes remaining the same brown color that I loved, no matter what happened.
“It’s so good,” I pouted, tears flowing freely now, especially once his knot was fully engorged, keeping us locked together. My orgasm hit suddenly, after so much build and anticipation, forcing my eyes to close against the tide of pleasure. Jisung growled seductively into my ear, and I felt his release inside of me, warm and full.
I was gone, but Jisung, as usual, was fully present, moving us on our sides, arms wrapping around my waist as he scented me deeply. It was his tongue, wet and familiar, lapping over the bite mark he had left on my upper arm that brought me back. Jisung had been the second one to mate me, securing our bond together after such a long and tumultuous history. I was grateful to Jisung, his love was beautiful and adoring, and I usually went to him when my heats hit because he was always so careful.
It made Chan jealous because there was a time when I only wanted him to help me. But Jisung changed everything I knew about heats and sex, and all it had taken was a silly pinky promise we made in our school’s outdoor arena:
“Jisung,” I said softly, approaching the other male carefully. I felt guilty about how I had spoken to him at lunch, even if I felt it was deserved. Perhaps we both had things to work on. “I’m sorry.”
His shoulders tensed at my words, and that was the only acknowledgment I got as I took a seat next to him on the sidewalk. Jisung looked straight ahead, eyes still bloodshot and cheeks puffy, swollen from his tears. “Whatever,” Jisung grunted dismissively, refusing to look at me.
“I didn’t know,” I told him carefully. “I didn’t think you liked me. You’ve always been rude to me, so I didn’t know.”
We were both silent for a long time, and I pulled my knees closer to my chest, resting my chin on the perch I made. “I guess you wouldn’t know,” Jisung finally said. “I’m pretty stupid, right?”
“No,” I countered, scooting a little closer and reluctantly releasing a calming scent I knew would soften him. I just hated it because it would make the scent blockers less effective. I’d smell like heat for the rest of the day. But Jisung inhaled deeply. “We were both wrong,” I admitted. “I never really gave you a chance.”
“I made it hard for you to give me one,” Jisung said, looking deeply regretful. “I shouldn’t have asked to help you with your heat. I’m sorry.”
Hearing an apology from Jisung was about as rare as the blood supermoon. “You can help me if you want,” I said nervously, glancing at Jisung out of the corner of my eyes. “With my heat.”
Jisung stiffened, mouth falling open a little as he finally regarded me. “Really?”
“Yeah, it helps, you know,” I stuttered, “-to have a knot.”
It was Jisung’s turn to blush. “I- I can do that.”
“I hope so,” I teased him, and then I held up my pinky finger. “You can always ask in the future if you want. I promise I won’t yell.”
Jisung smiled, and it was one of the most sincere smiles I had ever seen. He wrapped his pinky around mine. “Okay.”
“Sweetheart,” Jisung purred now, “Are you okay?” I managed a nod, wincing a little as I shifted, his knot an unforgettable presence. “Careful,” he whispered.
“Sorry,” I instinctively apologized, my heightened omega instincts encouraging me to appease my mate.
Jisung found my obedience hilarious, teasing me around Chan and Changbin. “She’ll beg for it,” he once said proudly, wrapping my reluctant form into his arms. “But I always give my princess what she wants.”
“Sungie,” I purred happily, feeling my eyes grow heavy with the promise of sleep. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Myah,” he whispered back, nosing along my neck, accidentally brushing against Changbin’s mark. 
I felt my sadness return, remembering why I had forced Jisung to stay behind, even though he had been set to travel with Chan to a neighboring pack.
Changbin was ignoring me.
-------------------------------------------
Chapter Two
Changbin is volatile. 
His unpredictability has always been an obstacle in our relationship, even before he had accidentally mated me. It was a night I could never forget, especially considering Jisung and Chan’s outrage when they discovered us together. But it wasn’t Changbin’s fault, especially since he had always hidden his true feelings for me. And after years of holding everything back, the anticipated explosion did not turn out well for either of us. Yet, the dark-haired male was always sullen and quiet, and even after Jisung and Chan had both Declared, he still didn’t talk to me very much.
However, he always talked to other girls, and that really bothered me. I would always watch from a distance, observing with practiced patience how he would flirt with younger omegas. It was strange to be jealous, especially when I was sure Changbin didn’t like me. For example, back when the three of us were still in school, the boys would always beg for me to go to parties with them on the weekends. I relented because Jisung was absolutely adorable when he was drunk, clinging to me persistently. Thus, the four of us would always arrive together, but I remained silent because Changbin usually lost interest the minute I inserted myself into the conversation. On one such occasion, the pre-conditions were already different before everyone had even arrived:
“Your rut is close,” tipsy Jisung bluntly informed Changbin, wrinkling his nose in disgust. 
Changbin frowned. “You wanted me to come.”
Chan chuckled, holding me close to his chest, arms wrapped loosely around my waist as I nursed the sweet-tasting drink Jisung had brought for me. I had been trying to ignore Changbin’s scent all night. Unlike Jisung, I found his dark smell alluring, and it was taking a lot of effort to fight my instinct to bury my nose into the side of his neck. 
“They make scent blockers for a reason,” Jisung complained, eyes wandering over to me. I giggled at the sudden appearance of his smile, not protesting when he leaned in closer to scent me deeply. “I’ll just have to scent Myah instead.”
Chan let out a warning growl, apparently opposed to Jisung’s closeness. However, under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t even care if Jisung sought my attention, but I could also faintly detect Chan’s rut smell beneath his usual clean pine scent. 
Jisung pouted, leaning away to fold his arms across his chest. “Have another drink, Sungie,” I said, hoping to distract him. 
“Myah likes my scent,” Changbin suddenly announced, dark eyes appraising as they scanned over me. 
I was taken aback by Changbin’s forwardness, but also deeply embarrassed because he had promised not to say anything about my unfortunate comment, spoken out of term while I was under the influence of heat-induced hormones. You see, it had happened a few nights before my heat was set to break and Chan and Jisung had left me alone with Changbin to talk with a teacher after school. Changbin was mindlessly looking through a textbook when I leaned in closer, apparently not used to such close proximity. “You have a nice scent,” I had told him, only remembering our precarious relationship moments later, lost in mortification. 
I was slightly furious that Changbin had chosen now to speak up. “When did she say that?” Jisung asked, latching on to this new piece of information, as he always did.
“Cute,” Chan remarked, pinching my scarlet-red cheeks. 
“I didn’t mean it,” I protested, glaring in Changbin’s direction. “I was close to my heat.”
Changbin’s returning smile could only be described as arrogant. “You don’t have to lie, Myah. Other girls have told me the same thing.”
“Why don’t you go bother those other girls, then?” I asked him petulantly, overwhelmed by Jisung’s teasing, Chan’s incessant cooing, and the unfamiliar dark look in Changbin’s eyes.
“Only if you won’t get jealous,” Changbin rumbled, standing up to his full height, stretching out his arms above his head. I tore my eyes away from the wonderful flex of his biceps.
“He doesn’t mean anything by it,” Chan told me once Changbin was out of earshot. He probably picked up on my crestfallen expression. 
“He’s close to rut,” Jisung added, somehow managing to rest his head on my lap without my noticing.
However, my worsening mood was solely attributable to Changbin’s distraction, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him for the remainder of the night. It didn’t help that I saw him everywhere like he was trying to stay on my radar. He leaned into Omega girls, whispering sweet flirtations into their eager ears. He let them touch his arms, scandalous fingers testing the area over the front of his sinfully tight jeans. 
I was losing my mind, even with Jisung and Chan clinging to my arms. In fact, both of my future mates sought my attention and, at one point, I was situated in Chan’s lap, chasing his lips with intoxicating kisses. I had my eyes closed, tasting the inside of his mouth with my tongue, before leaning into his neck, scenting him in a way I normally wouldn’t do in public. But then I opened my eyes and found myself ensnared with Changbin’s impenetrable gaze. He had a petite blonde in his lap, running his teeth along the curve of her neck, even as his attention remained focused on me.
I shivered, feeling my scent spike as I followed the path of Changbin’s tongue, knowing he wanted me to watch. Chan shifted under me, and I could feel his erection through his pants. Apparently, the spike in my scent affected him more than I thought, and his rut scent was even more apparent. Jisung was the one to pull us apart, lecturing Chan on the dangers of going into a premature rut cycle.
I slipped away quietly while they argued, picking up Changbin’s scent easily. I followed it through the woods, admiring the quiet of the evening before a loud, exaggerated moan disrupted the tranquility. I should’ve known better than to follow it, especially as Changbin’s scent grew stronger. Still, I was completely unprepared to see him with another girl, body completely pressed against hers. 
“Where are you going?” he asked before I could turn back around.
I froze in place, watching him pull away from the other girl. His dark eyes were completely black, blown out with the influence of his obvious arousal. I glanced away quickly when I realized the girl’s top was missing. “Binnie,” she pouted, shaking his arm.
“Get lost,” he growled at her, and I looked up only when the other girl had stormed past me, making sure to hit her arm against mine.
“Are you following me?” Changbin teased, entire demeanor shifting as he sauntered over to me with a distinctly alpha posturing. 
“Your rut,” I informed him as if he wasn’t obviously aware.
“Yeah,” he agreed, grabbing my arm and pulling me against him. “You could help with that.”
“Changbin,” I started, losing all ability to speak when he started to scent me. It was a foreign sensation, as the only two male alphas who had dared touch the area were Jisung and Chan. I withheld a moan as one of his hands gripped tightly to my hair, wrenching my head back so that he could have better access to my scent gland. He let out a low, throaty growl, allowing his other hand to grab my ass, pulling me impossibly closer. I could feel his hard erection against my thigh.
He instinctively rutted his hips, as if to make sure I could feel all of him. “You aren’t used to that are you?” he asked and I was stunned by the bright red tint to his eyes. “I’ve seen Jisung and Chan in the locker room before. Do you even notice it when they’re fucking you?”
I moaned at his words, losing myself in the thick cloud of Changbin, his scent hanging in the air between us, summoning my basest instincts. “Are you gonna be good for me?” he continued, hands gripping my thighs before lifting me off the ground, forcing my legs to wrap around his waist. My back collided against the rough bark of the tree behind us, enough to temporarily knock the breath out of my lungs. 
Changbin’s scent grew thicker, and I knew he had entered his rut prematurely. I also knew how dangerous that could be, especially for alphas like Changbin: purebloods who were more in-tune with their inner wolves compared to most people, often losing out to their instincts in situations like this. But I had never been around an alpha like Changbin, and I was unable to grasp a single shred of rationality against his thick, blanketed rut smell.
He wanted to bite me too, I could tell from the way he insistently mouthed at my scent gland, tongue pressing against the swollen tissue, forcing more of the oily secretion to leak freely. “Changbin,” I managed, lost in a haze, half-heartedly pushing against his broad shoulders. 
He effortlessly muscled me to the ground, crawling over my weakening body, looking every part of the predator. “You want my knot?” he snarled, pushing my dress up my legs, leaving my lower half almost completely naked, save for the delicate lace protecting my modesty. But Changbin wasn’t deterred, removing the barrier before reclining back onto his knees, fingers quickly working apart his belt. “Tell me you want me, angel.”
The nickname appealed to every base Omegan instinct I had. 
“I do,” I groaned, tears beginning to fall because everything was overwhelming and left me completely distracted.
Suddenly, I instinctually arched my back, ignoring the awkward twist in my neck when he roughly penetrated me. I found out quickly that Changbin wasn’t a liar, his cock was considerably thicker compared to Jisung or Chan. It filled me with an almost painful stretch, partly because of the suddenance by which he had entered me, without warning or preparation. And his jeans were down just enough to release his cock, and the rough material was rubbing harsh red burns into the delicate skin of my thighs. “Changbin,” I whined. “It hurts.”
He grunted from above me, his pace slowing down, even if the exertion from doing so was evident in the contorted set to his mouth. But his knot was swelling fast, his rut state encouraging his body to fill me as quickly as possible and breed me full of his pups. In the heat of the moment, Changbin ignored everything except his alpha instincts, leaning down to bury his teeth into my scent gland. I was unprepared for the accompanying pain, letting out an uncharacteristic scream as he bit down, almost like he was trying to rip out my throat instead of leaving a mating bite.
And that’s how Jisung and Chan found us, locked together by Changbin’s knot, with blood streaking down the side of my neck.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Present
My most recent heat ended the next morning. It gave Jisung no reason to stay behind any longer. I insisted on seeing him off, allowing him to fuss over my outfit, complaining that I would be cold in my thin sweater. “Changbin will look after you,” Jisung said, appearing satisfied after adjusting his scarf around my neck, enveloping me in his sweet scent.
No, he won’t, I grumbled to myself. Because Changbin had been ignoring me for a whole week now, ever since his rut had ended. I always asked to help them through their ruts and Changbin was always hesitant to accept, ever since the night he mated me during the height of his passion. He never forgave himself for the unorthodox way he had done so, no matter how many times I told him that I had already moved on.
But Changbin had surprisingly accepted my most recent proposal and we had been locked away in his room for almost an entire week. Unfortunately, my body had grown exhausted with keeping up, as his heightened sex drive was impossible to satisfy. We had agreed not to knot again, but Changbin had been lost in the moment, a victim to his heightened alpha instincts. Changbin had accidentally forced his knot inside, even though my body had resisted. I was stuck in the infirmary overnight and the next morning, Changbin wouldn’t so much as look in my direction.
Jisung didn’t help matters, lecturing Changbin relentlessly while Chan refused to leave my side, coddling me like I was moments away from death rather than healing from a mundane injury. And Changbin always took things too seriously, so he was barely present in our camp, choosing instead to go on long hunts, leaving at dawn and returning well past nightfall. I was beyond irritated with the grumpy alpha, missing the calming effect of his dark scent. After so much time apart, our mating bond was suffering.
“Chan and I will be back in a few days,” Jisung continued, pressing a sweet kiss to the tip of my red-tinted nose. 
I pouted, knowing I would suffer without their affection, especially when Changbin made it clear that he wouldn’t bother. “Sungie,” I complained, wrapping my arms around him. I scented him deeply, hoping to at least remember the sweet vanilla for the remainder of the day.
“Princess,” Jisung gently pushed me back. “This isn’t like you.”
I’ve never been alone to suffer through Changbin’s moods, I wanted to tell him, but I knew it would only lead to more lecturing, and Changbin hated me enough. “I’m sorry,” I said, cursing my stupid omega emotions as the threat of tears burned the corners of my eyes. 
I spent the rest of the day locked in my room, scenting the sweaters Jisung and Chan had left behind for me. Chan’s scent was already starting to fade, which really upset my wolf more than I was expecting. Jisung and Changbin were so important to me, and I loved them more than anything else, but they did not reach me as deeply as Chan continued to do. Our bond had the most history, and our mating fulfilled even the deepest void of my soul:
I was already mated to Jisung and Changbin. They had left their respective marks on me. Jisung had insisted not long after the incident with Changbin. He waited until my next heat to mark me, choosing to place his bite further away from Changbin’s, on the fleshy part of my upper arm, easily hidden away by sleeves. I was surprised he had chosen such a spot as I figured Jisung would be the one to bite my neck, to proudly show off his mark, but Jisung continued to surprise me.
Changbin was slowly opening up to me, especially now that our shared bond allowed me to know how he was feeling before he was even aware. He still hated how it had happened, but I tried my best to show him that I would never hold that against him. I came to realize that Changbin and I were very much alike, introverted personalities aside. Changbin was very loyal, and he was always ready to defend me, which the submissive part of my instincts adored.
But I was still waiting for Chan to declare his Intention. Each day without a word on the subject concerned me. “He’s just waiting for the right moment,” Jisung tried to assure me.
And I thought the right moment would be Chan’s rut, but the alpha refused me when I asked to spend it with him. It hurt a part of me that only Chan could access, and the refusal weighed heavily during each subsequent day during which I knew Chan was suffering. Since Jisung was out of town, I snuck into Changbin’s bed, readily drowning myself in the alpha’s heady scent. “I know what you’re doing,” Changbin said, gently gliding his nose along my jawline. “I don’t like being a distraction.”
Well, sometimes the bond was annoying.
After an entire month passed with no word from Chan, I decided to confront him myself. Our graduation was nearing, and there was a lot to figure out with our situation. As my mates, Jisung and Changbin could choose to enter a new pack or start one of their own. I wouldn’t be inclined to have any say in the matter, as tradition dictated, and I knew the pair had been talking about forming their own pack. But leaving Chan behind was a scary thought, so I was growing desperate.
I cornered him after classes one day, reciting my monologue in my head so I wouldn’t forget a single word. “Chan,” I addressed him, “Can we talk?” The blonde-haired alpha let out a vague, noncommittal noise as he continued to mess around in his locker. “Jisung and Changbin have already done it,” I said, letting out a deep breath. “We’re already Declared and I know we’ve talked about Intention before. I think it might be nice to mate before school ends.”
Chan barely glanced up. “I can’t talk about this now, Myah. I have something to do after school.”
“Chan-” I tried again, but the alpha had already moved on, shutting his locker door before leaving me alone in the hallway.
----------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 3
“Have you seen Changbin?” I asked Felix, watching the younger alpha absent-mindedly skin the deer laid out on the table in front of us.
“I think he’s hunting,” Felix replied, frowning as he let out a disgusted sound. “It would be nice if he could skin his own kill every once in a while.”
“He’s always hunting,” I huffed in frustration.
Felix shrugged, “He’s probably not far out. He just left like fifteen minutes ago. You can probably catch up to him if you need something.”
I immediately heeded Felix’s suggestion, shifting forms carefully, as it had certainly been a while since I last allowed my wolf to takeover. However, I knew it would be much easier to catch up to Changbin with a better nose, relying purely on smell to find my tsundere mate. And I picked up on his trail fast, following his scent slowly while I still felt unsteady on the four legs replacing my usual two. I really needed to run more with Jisung when he offered. It was almost embarrassing how out-of-touch I felt with my hyper-active wolf, especially after experiencing yet another clumsy fall along the mountain rocks. 
I was fully committed to shifting every day.
Thankfully, I found Changbin quickly, distracted by the small doe grazing a hundred yards or so away. I waited patiently, making sure my scent was down-wind so that he couldn’t possibly blame me if he missed this kill. But Changbin was the pack’s best hunter, and he tracked down the unsuspecting creature with startling astuteness. 
It was as he was dragging the doe back down the cliffside that he spotted me. His dark brown wolf let out a grumpy growl as he walked over to where I waited. He let the prey fall from his mouth, regarding me with a look that I could only describe as reprimanding. 
I heard his voice speak clearly through our mind-link. “You shouldn’t be out here.”
I refused to back down. “You’re always hunting these days. How else was I supposed to talk to you?”
Changbin’s wolf was imposing as he stood over me. He was bigger than most wolves, and he exuded power and dominance. “Go back to camp.”
I watched as he leaned back down to pick up the doe. “Will you talk to me tonight?”
“I’m hunting late.”
I let out a sharp bark, racing ahead to block his path. “Why are you ignoring me?”
“Don’t act like this, Myah.” 
“I don’t understand why you can’t talk to me. Are you really going to punish me for something I already forgave you for?”
He bullied his way past me. “It’s dangerous up here. Now go home.”
Stung by his disregard, I obeyed his order, starting back down the path with much less spring than I had before. I glanced back over my shoulder at the big alpha, wondering if Changbin knew how much he was hurting me. 
But distractions were never a good thing on the mountain, and I heard the switch before I felt its claws. Unfortunately, I had failed to keep an eye on the path in front of me, as Changbin had constantly warned me about, but that didn’t make it any less shocking. Which is probably why, at first, the pain from the trap didn’t register over my surprise. But then I felt it deeply when I saw the blood. I let out a pained howl, instinctively trying to pry my leg away from the source of my pain. It only worsened the situation, the sharp edges digging brutally into my flesh. 
“Don’t move!”
I heard his command before I could scent him, but Changbin was suddenly there, burying his head into the side of my neck, releasing soothing alpha pheromones even as the pain grew to an unbearable level. I fell to the ground, craning my neck around to look at my mangled leg, bits of flesh and blood amidst the silver trap. I saw fingers next, faintly realizing Changbin had shifted to his human form, working at the trap.
Then I heard the mountain lion’s growl.
----------------------------------------------------
“I think Channie hates me,” I complained to Jisung, watching the alpha move about his room, a towel wrapped messily around his waist.
“Chan doesn’t hate you,” Jisung chided gently, digging for a pair of sweatpants out of his closet. 
“What did I do?” I asked, ignoring Jisung as I rolled onto my back, looking up at the ceiling.
“Chan’s just stressed,” Jisung said. “He’s got a lot of decisions to make.”
“Mating shouldn’t be a difficult decision,” I muttered because it was true. In fact, mating should be easy with the person you love.
“Don’t be impatient,” Jisung said, suddenly appearing above me. “Chan always thinks about everything too much, you know how he is.”
“It shouldn’t require any thinking,” I said, letting out a whine of protest when Jisung moved onto the bed, crowding me into the mattress. I broke off only when I was wrapped in Jisung’s arms, secure against his strong chest. His vanilla scent surrounded me, and I could tell he was releasing calming pheromones, which I appreciated.
“Everything will work out in time,” Jisung whispered, pressing a tender kiss to the side of my temple.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“Changbin!” I cried out through the bond, watching the mountain lion creep closer, likely smelling my blood in the air.
Changbin managed to open the trap and I whined as I pulled my leg free. “Can you shift?” he asked me, but I was in too much pain to concentrate so I shook my head, desperately trying to push myself onto all four legs, but collapsing back down each time. The mountain lion growled, haunches raised in an attack position. Changbin shifted back easily, his intimidating wolf forcing the lion to briefly reconsider its plan. “Don’t worry,” Changbin said, using the mind link to offer me calming reassurances.
I threw back my head to howl, hoping our other packmates could hear the call. Unfortunately, it also prompted the lion into action and it launched itself at Changbin. I watched in horror as it wrestled Changbin to his back, exposing his soft underbelly and tender throat. The sound of its claws slashing through fur and flesh was revolting and my stomach churned dangerously. Changbin fought back, using his hind legs to push the lion off, reclaiming an upright position before chasing after the lion, nipping at its weaker tendons. The lion stumbled on the loose rocks and Changbin brought it down, tearing into whatever flesh his teeth could sink into.
I looked away from the gruesome scene, calling out for Chan and Jisung through the mating bond, but they were probably too far away to hear my pleas. Instead, I let my wolf take control, and she slowly started limping us over to the coverage of the bushes, hoping to disguise the scent of our blood. However, the lion did not like her decision, losing sight of its easy prey. He managed to throw Changbin off, and I winced as his body crashed into the side of the rocks. I tried to throw myself forward but let out a pained yelp when I felt the lion’s teeth dig into my leg, pulling me away from my destination. 
I whined loudly, panting hard against wave after wave of pain, my flesh wound reopened by the lion’s unforgiving teeth. We started down the slope and I knew I was going to die. The lion would easily drag me somewhere it was familiar with, ripping into my throat before using my carcass as its meal for the next several days. I was poisoned with fear, watching my life slowly drain out onto the rocks around me.
But Changbin hadn’t given up, and the lion was unprepared for Changbin to attack again. My mate managed to wrestle the lion into a precarious position of weakness, immediately going for its throat and locking his teeth around its pulse point. I faintly observed Changbin pulling back with a large chunk of flesh between his teeth, my vision swimming in and out of focus. I did register Changbin’s dark scent, and his familiar voice trying to reach out to me, even as the blackness finally claimed me.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I knew Chan was going to break up with me. I could tell by his posture, by the distinct way he was hunched in on himself, doing no favors to his taller height. He was also unusually quiet, taking me by the hand to lead me to the meadow where we always played together as children. The one his mother had taken us to for the very first time when we were barely five years old. It was a special place full of meaning and Chan knew how important it was to me, how I always felt calmer when I was surrounded by the familiar daffodils.
He wanted me to be comfortable because the news he was going to deliver would likely break my heart. This was all I could think about when Chan finally turned around to face me, eyes distant and sorrowful. “Myah,” he said my name, and my heart reached out to him. “Do you love Jisung and Changbin?”
I was thrown by the unexpected question. “Of course I do.”
“You know they’ll always take care of you, right?”
Chan’s questions seemed misplaced. “What are you talking about?”
Chan sighed, stuffing his hands into the pocket of his jacket. “Jisung and Changbin are starting their own pack, you know.”
I nodded because it was usually all Jisung talked about. He was beyond excited to lead his own pack, and Changbin was relieved to get away and start his own family. Felix would be joining, along with several of their friends: Seungmin, Minho, Hyunjin, Jeongin, and Woojin. I was excited too because I adored the idea of starting something new, especially with my mates by my side. 
But that needed to include Chan as well.
“My father wants me to stay here,” he finally said. “He wants me to lead our pack in the future.”
I immediately shook my head. “You have to come with us, Chan. Jisung and Changbin are your best friends, and I-”
“I’ll get in the way,” Chan interrupted. “You already have two mates, Myah. They both adore you.”
“But I need you too,” I protested, squeezing our intertwined hands. “You mean so much to me, Chan. We’ve known each other since we were kids.”
“I know,” Chan agreed, pausing to look around, a nostalgic smile on his face. “We got into a lot of trouble together, but that was a long time ago. We both have to start considering our futures.”
I stepped in closer, eliminating more of the space between us, even though it still felt like it wasn’t enough. “My future means nothing without you in it.”
Chan’s expression softened. “I can’t do that to you.”
“You’ll break my heart,” I warned him. “You’ll hurt me and you promised you wouldn’t.”
“Not if you don’t let me,” Chan said. “You deserve a long life, Myah, with Jisung and Changbin.”
“With you,” I insisted earnestly. “Chan, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have Jisung or Changbin.”
“But you do have them,” he said. “You’ll always have them.”
He tenderly reached out, thumbing his way across Changbin’s mark on my neck. “But I need your mark.”
“It’s too much.”
“Not it’s not!” I disagreed, clutching even more tightly to him, feeling like he might vanish at any moment. “Chan, you made a promise to me! You can’t say these things. Please don’t leave me.”
I was starting to panic and Chan picked up on it, releasing more of his soothing scent which I consumed greedily, faced with the possibility of never having it again. “I’ll visit when I can.”
“It won’t be the same,” I trembled, disregarding the space he tried to maintain, collapsing into his arms.
“You’ll move on.”
“No, I won’t,” I insisted, leaning up to scent him. “Why are you doing this? Why bother even promising it to me if you never planned on keeping it?” 
He winced as if my comment caused him physical pain. “At one point, I did intend to keep it, but then you mated with Jisung and Changbin. I could see the change in you, the way you looked happier around them. You really don’t need me anymore, Myah. It’s just hard to let go of the past.”
My tears were soaking through his t-shirt, but I knew Chan didn’t care. “If you leave me, I’ll miss you every day. You’re my best friend, Chan. My soulmate.”
“Be good for me,” he whispered into my hair. 
“Stop it!” I harshly interjected, abruptly pulling out his arms, startling both of us. “Stop saying that you’re leaving. If you really loved me, then you would stay.” Chan was at a loss for words, opening his mouth before closing it again. “I don’t care about our pack now,” I continued, “I care about the one I’m building, and I refuse to be a part of it without you. How can you not understand how much you mean to me? I don’t just want you, Chan, I need you! I depend on you for so much and if you left, I’ll be completely empty, because you won’t be there to fill those places anymore.”
I was incoherent, tasting my salty tears as I shook my head vigorously, refusing to acknowledge Chan’s words. Empty threats, that’s all they were. Chan had been mine from the moment we met, and nothing would ever tear us apart. No matter how many people came between us, or how many fights we got into, or how he could ever think we’d be able to live without one another. Chan caught me in his arms before my knees gave out and he brought us both to the ground, holding me close as I cried against his chest. “What can I do to convince you?” I pleaded with him. “I’ll do anything.”
For a while he was quiet and I continued to sob those terrible soul-wrenching cries that jarred the places inside of me that was frightening. Dark places I tried to hide away, like the evil voice that sometimes whispered that I wasn’t good enough for any of them. That voice might be right, but I always did my best. I would always fight for them.
Finally, Chan gently encouraged me to lean back, drying my tears with his sleeves. He picked up my wrist, brushing his lips across the blue-colored veins decorating the surface of my creamy skin. “Shall I do it here?” he asked, glancing up at me with eyes that reminded me of home.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I could only smell Changbin when I woke up, dizzy with the after-effects of restless sleep. His scent was spiked with fear. It was enough to pull me back to consciousness, and I blinked against the blinding white light infiltrating my line of vision. “Ah,” a familiar voice spoke. “You’re finally awake?”
I glanced over at Woojin. “How long have I been out?”
“A day or so,” he replied, “But I think it was the trauma. Your leg will take some time to heal.”
I sat up slowly, listening to Woojin’s advice while leaning back against the bed frame. “Is it really bad?”
“I’ve seen worse, but that was back during my training. You’re the first real injury we’ve had in the new pack.”
“That sucks,” I said, and Woojin chuckled. 
“Your mates have been worrying all night,” Woojin informed me. “I couldn’t get Changbin to leave. His scent was everywhere.”
“I can smell it,” I acknowledged. “But when you say mates-”
“Felix freaked out,” Woojin said, rolling his eyes. “He and Seungmin ran all the way to the border, and I’m sure they made it sound far worse than it actually was.”
“That was an important meeting,” I said. “They shouldn’t have done that.”
“Well, Felix is young, and it’s hard to be in your right mind when the third in command is running around nearly hysterical. I had to give Changbin some morphine, his body was halfway between wolf and human. It wasn’t pleasant to see.”
“Great,” I muttered because I didn’t like the idea of everything falling apart over me.
“They can return to the northern lands later,” Woojin said as if he knew exactly what I had been thinking. “I’m sure Taeyong would gladly welcome back Chan and Jisung. He has a mate of his own and understands how it feels to be away when they’re hurt.”
“I can’t really move it,” I said, frowning at my immobile leg. “Is that normal?”
“It’s the cast,” Woojin explained. “Do you feel well enough to talk to your alphas?”
I groaned at the idea of dealing with their high-strung whining, mothering me to the point where I felt suffocated. Woojin grinned. “I can tell them you’re still sleeping.”
“Maybe for tonight,” I agreed.
Not because I didn’t love them, of course, but because they could turn into an absolute nightmare when their alpha instincts insisted I was on my deathbed as opposed to a sterile hospital cot frowning down at my cast. 
It would be a long recovery.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I could feel Chan everywhere. 
I tried not to wince at the pain, instead of focusing on the growing bond, ignoring the way his teeth sank into my wrist, eyes bright with a vivid orange color. Instead, I only thought about Chan and it made the pain bearable. I thought about his lovely hair, naturally curly, thick strands soft between my fingers. I thought about his gorgeous eyes or the wicked slope of his nose. I thought about his handsome features, and how his smile completely eclipsed even the lowest of my moods. I thought about his warm voice and familiar scent, the rich smell of pine that reminded me of my childhood.
I thought about the way Chan made love to me, treating me like I was fragile. His body covering mine, sheltering me under his protective form. His soft kisses drawing small moans, encouraging him to give more. His pulsing cock inside of me, filling me to the brim with all the love he could give. A special kind of love incomparable to the way I felt with Jisung or Changbin.
Because Chan was encompassing. He was everywhere, present at all the points in my life I could remember, good or bad. And he filled all my empty places, the darkest parts of myself that I hated, but he managed to bring light to them all. He was everything I needed to feel complete, marked by three alpha wolves who would do absolutely anything my heart desired.
I was finally me.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 4
I was losing my mind, and it was because of my three alpha mates.
I had yet to have a moment to myself in nearly a week, always shadowed by Jisung or Chan or Changbin. They hovered around me, tending to me like I was a child instead of the woman they regularly had sex with. I was beyond annoyed with their behavior, growing restless because every time I attempted to stand up, one of them was always there, lifting me into their strong arms. “Where to Myah?” or “Where are we going Princess?” or “Where do you want me to take you, Angel?”
My leg was practically healed. Woojin had even said so, coming to my room and updating my prognosis, now merely a long scar, nodding to himself slowly. “It’s almost healed,” he declared. “You should be fine, Myah.”
All three of my mates let out collective sighs like it was the most anticipated news of the century. “Woojin, I can start walking again, right?”
“Maybe soon, Myah.”
I tried not to sigh because Woojin wouldn’t have known that I required a straight answer. His response was vague enough to likely convince Jisung that I would be out of commission for another week. “What about more antibiotics?” Jisung fretted now, digging through Woojin’s bag. “Did you bring any?”
Woojin snatched his bag away from Jisung, glowering in his direction. “She doesn’t have an infection.”
“I can still smell it,” Changbin insisted, scenting the air with a studious expression that I would normally find hilarious under any other circumstances.
“Maybe another dosage wouldn’t hurt,” Chan added, perched on the edge of my bed, fingers running through my hair while he ignored my frown.
“It’s unnecessary,” Woojin insisted. 
“What about more pain killers?”
“Should it still be elevated?”
“Will it be okay in the water now?”
Woojin’s eyes widened, glancing between my three mates with evident exhaustion. “Honestly, some time away from the three of you would be best for Myah.”
Jisung protested immediately, launching into a long tirade about how Woojin wouldn’t understand how they felt since he didn’t have a mate of his own. And Jisung’s more spirited lectures tended to last far longer than necessary, so I somewhat eagerly awaited for Woojin’s inevitable breaking point. However, perhaps graciously, the sudden appearance of Felix interrupted Jisung’s passionate speech. “Chan,” the younger asked, glancing at me with uncertainty as if he wasn’t sure he could deliver his news with me present. “Another messenger from the NCT pack visited. They’d like to reschedule your meeting soon.”
“Impatient,” Chan grumbled. “Maybe in another week.”
I was ready to protest, knowing another week would be unnecessary. However, Felix beat me to it, supplying another idea that I wasn’t exactly too fond of either. “What if we asked NCT to come here instead?”
“That’s not a bad idea,” Jisung agreed, reaching over to ruffle Felix’s hair. “Nice job, kid.”
Felix frowned, giving me an apologetic look before closing the door. Meanwhile, Woojin was whispering quietly to Changbin, and their eyes kept roaming in my direction. What else was I supposed to think they were talking about?
I glared down at Chan and Jisung as they started crawling into bed on either side of me, snuggling against my sides. “Are you tired, Princess?” Jisung asked, leaning in to scent me.
Thanks to you guys, I wanted to say, but withheld the urge, managing a small nod to satisfy them. “I’ll come to check on you tomorrow, Myah,” Woojin said, and my eyes sorrowfully followed him all the way out the door, groaning when I heard Changbin announce it was time for another bath.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I wanted to be with my mates when we formally greeted the NCT representatives, but they forced me to stay in bed. I was a little heartbroken because I had been looking forward to meeting new faces. It was always exciting when new scents were around. Thankfully, kind-hearted Amelia, Hyunjin’s beautiful Omega mate, was keeping me company. The usually soft-spoken female was chattering openly about the unexpected size of the NCT diplomats. Apparently, Chan was very unhappy having so many foreigners around. “Do they have accents?” I asked.
Amelia giggled. “Some of them do. Not all of them are from the north, apparently.”
“I want to see them,” I sighed, glaring at my leg. “I hate being bedridden.”
“Maybe I can help you sneak out?” Amelia suggested mischievously. 
I briefly entertained the idea. “There’s no way I can get past three alphas. Especially Changbin, he’s too good at catching my scent.”
Amelia pouted, sharing my disappointment. “There’s a big dinner tonight to welcome them. Maybe you can convince them to let you go.”
But even such a simple request was like pulling teeth. 
“Please Channie,” I pleaded with my mate, nuzzling against him in the way I knew he liked, batting my eyelashes as I put on my best pout. 
Chan, however, was undeterred. “Not like this, Myah,” he said sternly. “There’s too many of them.”
Fine, I had two other mates who were less stoic. 
“I don’t think so, angel,” Changbin chuckled, further crushing my hopes.
“Chan already told you no, Princess,” Jisung said, but his resolve was not nearly as strong.
“Please, Sungie,” I tried again. “It would really mean a lot to me.”
“Well, maybe for a little while-”
-------------------------------------------------------------
And that’s how I found myself talking animatedly with Amelia and her younger sister, Lila, while the three of us eagerly made easy work of the feast the pack had prepared for our visitors. “I can’t believe they let you come!” Lila said at one point, shock evident on her face. “Chan made it sound like you would be out for weeks!”
I rolled my eyes. “He’s just being dramatic.”
“Mates are always dramatic,” Amelia agreed, glancing over at Hyunjin who was laughing with Felix and a few NCT members.
“They keep looking over here,” Lila said nervously and I immediately turned to glare at Changbin, the dark-haired boy sheepishly returning to his conversation with Seungmin.
“Ignore them,” I insisted. “Tell me about the newcomers.”
“Taeyong couldn’t make it,” Amelia said, “but he sent his Beta.” She nodded towards the smaller boy talking with Chan and Jisung. “Mark.”
I appraised him carefully, deciding his appearance must be deceitful, as he certainly didn’t look capable of harming a fly. “He brought seven wolves with him,” Amelia informed me. “That’s a lot more than we were expecting.”
“It’s disconcerting,” Lila admitted. “I think that’s why Chan is so suspicious.”
“They haven’t said anything to me,” I shrugged.
“They’re too worried about keeping you inside all day,” Amelia groaned dramatically. “The kitchens are boring without you!”
“I miss working,” I admitted. “I just wish Woojin would take the cast off.”
“He probably doesn’t want to take any chances,” Lila inserted. “After all, you are the pack alpha’s mate.”
“If it was up to Chan, I would stay at home every day,” I said, frowning. 
“He’s overprotective,” Amelia said. “All alphas are.”
“I like being outside and he knows that,” I said, suddenly feeling a burning irritation towards my mates, especially after having my first taste of freedom in over a week.
“Looks like Haechan is coming back,” Amelia teased her little sister and I glanced up at the approaching male.
“Hello,” Haechan bowed respectfully. I grinned at Lila’s blush. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Myah.”
“Likewise,” I returned. “I’ve been dealing with an injury lately.”
“Your mates told us,” Haechan said, nodding to the empty seat next to Lila. “Can I join?”
Lila let out a weak noise, perhaps agreement, and Haechan slid into the seat next to her. “Tell us about the north?” I asked eagerly, drowning out all other discussions as I allowed Haechan’s descriptions to fill my head. The north sounded beautiful, a land of snow and ice, unbearably cold in the winters, but rather pleasant during the hotter seasons. It wasn’t a long distance from the valley. An easily manageable walk when (and if) my mates ever decided I could make use of my own two feet again.
“I want to go! I think it sounds like a dream.”
“It’s fine,” Haechan said dismissively, but the look in his eyes told another story.
-------------------------------------------------------------  
“You should ask Changbin.”
I glanced up in surprise. “You don’t want to help with my heat?”
Jisung always took pride in being my first choice, especially since it provided a way for us to spend some time alone together, even if I was an incoherent mess for most of the duration. It’s not that I didn’t want to be with Chan or Changbin, but Chan was rather aggressive when I was in heat and I had never asked Changbin before. He was adamant about refusing sex during his ruts, so I figured he would have a similar attitude when it came time for my heats.
Jisung shrugged. “I think Changbin is upset that you never ask him.”
“He’s never said anything before...” In fact, the idea of Changbin being upset over something like this was hard to grasp.
“Well, I think it’s because he thinks you don’t want him,” Jisung said.
I scoffed at the ridiculous statement. “He never lets me near him when he’s rutting. I figured he wouldn’t want anything to do with my heats.”
“I think you’re wrong this time, princess,” Jisung said. “Changbin’s told me before that he’s always available to help if I’m not feeling up to it.”
“Huh,” I drawled, deciding I felt very inconsiderate at that moment. I suppose I just got used to asking Jisung whenever my symptoms started to flare up. It became habitual, and I didn’t stop to think about how my other mates might feel. “Well, I guess I can ask him instead.”
Jisung offered an encouraging smile. “I think it will make him very happy.”
I found Changbin later that day, sparring outside with Chan. The two were imposing as wolves, teeth bared and jaws snapping at one another. I glanced around with amusement at the younger alphas, watching the exchange with wide, curious eyes. I had forgotten that Chan and Changbin were teaching the sparring classes now that Hyunjin was away with his mate, spending time with Amelia’s family before the two returned. 
I waited patiently for my two mates to finish, taking the time to admire how powerful they were together. Chan and Changbin were both larger for their size, extending from years of impressive breeding and mating with strong bloodlines. Of course, no other wolf in the pack could really compare to Changbin. He was by far the largest wolf I had ever seen, easily eclipsing Jisung in size and somehow managing to even make Chan look like a pup. 
The two were talking in low voices together, wearing nothing but sweatpants when I approached them after their lesson. Changbin picked up on my scent first, eyes easily locating me from amongst the other members of our pack. Chan followed his gaze and a wide smile filled out the corners of his lips. “I’m surprised to see you here,” Chan gushed while proceeding to crush me against his much stronger body. 
“Too much,” I tried to tell him, but eventually surrendered, taking in his familiar scent with a deep inhale.
“Do you need something, angel?” Changbin asked, proving to be my saving grace when Chan’s arms finally released me.
I took in a deep breath. “Actually, I’d like to talk to you.”
“This sounds serious,” Chan remarked, leaning in close as if the answer were waiting in my scent.
“Alone,” I emphasized, giving Chan a pointed look.
He let out a dramatic sigh but conceded the space I needed. However, I still waited until he was far enough away before reaching out to Changbin. “Let’s go somewhere quieter.” I wrapped my hand around his bicep, directing him through the lingering crowd of our packmates. Changbin grabbed a black t-shirt on the way, stretching it out over his head.
I was suddenly nervous when we were finally alone, anxiously fidgeting in front of the bigger alpha. “So, how is everything?” I asked cautiously, trying to reformulate my proposal, hoping to make it sound as casual as possible.
Changbin arched one brow. “Are you alright, Myah?”
I let out a nervous giggle. “I have something to ask you.”
Changbin nodded, encouraging me to continue. “I’m listening.”
“That thing is coming up,” I started, wincing when I realized I was already messing everything up.
Changbin smirked. “That thing?”
“Yeah,” I agreed as if he could possibly understand what I was talking about. “I was wondering if you wanted to help.”
Changbin crossed his arms over his chest, the sleeves of his black t-shirt straining. “Angel, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“My heat, Changbin! I want you to help me with my heat.”
My face was red, and I could feel my cheeks heating up because I knew how rushed I just sounded. The words had spilled out carelessly in one of the worst proposals in Werewolf history. Changbin even looked surprised, looking down at me wordlessly. “Uh, I mean, if you don’t want to-”
“I’d love to help,” Changbin finally said, a genuine, and rare, smile brightening his dark features. 
“Well, I know you’ve been busy lately-”
“Angel,” he interrupted again, wrapping an arm around my waist to pull me closer. He pressed a brief kiss to my forehead. “I’ve been waiting to hear you ask for a while now.” I leaned up to nose at his scent gland, amazed that he could ease my tension with just a few, select touches.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Five
“Have you ever had sex as a wolf?”
“Are you serious?”
Lila turned over on her side. “Have you?”
“You don’t need to know that,” I tried to protest, even as she let out a triumphant noise while poking my blushing cheek.
“Was it Changbin?” Lila asked mischievously. “I bet that was hot.”
I frowned in her direction. “This isn’t a normal conversation.”
“I know,” Lila grinned, “but Felix said it wasn’t possible. I just want to prove him wrong.”
“The two of you always have such thoughtful discussions,” I remarked, admiring the stars shivering from overhead, distant ornaments of light that managed to shine so bright, forgoing millions of miles to demand our attention.
“Myah,” Lila spoke up nervously. “Would you be angry at me if I left the pack?”
That definitely caught my attention. “What?”
Lila shuffled closer to me, seeking out my additional warmth. “I really like Haechan, but if I mated with him, I would have to leave.”
I swallowed hard, the idea of never again seeing Lila sitting uncomfortably on my heart. “If you like him, then you should go. I would never be angry at you.”
“Really?”
I nodded, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “It will give me an excuse to visit the north.”
Lila shifted, her chin digging into my shoulder. “Was it hard to leave your old pack?”
“No, but I was okay because I had my mates. It makes it easier.”
“Were you afraid?”
“A little, but change can be scary. Doing something you’ve never done before forces you out of your comfort zone.”
Lila sighed, but seemed content with my response, the two of us lying beneath the stars while enjoying the peaceful quiet of the night.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“I’m really nervous,” I told Jisung, pacing back and forth along the hardwood floors of my room.
“It’s just Changbin,” Jisung said, sifting through my closet for something to take back to his room. Jisung claimed he would miss my scent too much, so I reluctantly gave him free rein of my closet.
“Changbin has never seen me on my heats,” I pointed out. “I’m practically delirious.”
“But it's adorable,” Jisung soothed, dragging out one of my favorite sweaters.
“It’s embarrassing,” I countered. “You used to laugh at me.”
“I don’t anymore,” he teased, protesting when I took the sweater from him.
“Pick something else!”
Jisung tuttered, grabbing one of my jackets instead. “Your heat might hit tonight if you’re not careful.”
“I’m under control,” I assured him, but I still decided that sitting on the bed might be a better alternative to my incessant pacing.
“Changbin is really excited,” Jisung said, sniffing the collar of my jacket. “He hasn’t stopped talking about it all week.”
“Well, I hope he doesn’t have high expectations. You know how messy it gets.”
“I don’t think he’ll care, princess,” Jisung explained. “I think Changbin is just glad you’re trusting him with this.”
Leave it to Jisung to always remind me when I was acting irrationally.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“I haven’t had sex in two weeks,” I vented to Amelia the next morning, leaning against her body for support as we walked through the woods. 
“Join the club,” she muttered. “Hyunjin has been too busy with NCT.”
“Alphas,” I chimed in, grateful I had managed to convince my three to allow me permission to walk alone with Amelia for a while. 
“And Lila wants to mate one?” she grimaced. 
“She’d be better off alone,” I concurred, wondering if it was too late to convince Lila to dump Haechan and stay here with us.
Amelia sighed, “It’s hard to believe Jisung could say no to you.”
“That was before a lion tried to tear my leg off.”
“So they’ve friend-zoned you because of your injury?” Amelia queried, before nodding slowly. “That’s why they’ve been super aggressive lately. They haven’t had anyone to stick their knots in.”
“I’m not resisting,” I declared. “I wish I had faster heat cycles.”
Amelia laughed, “Trust me, you’re lucky you only get them 3 or 4 times a year. Heats always suck, even with a mate.”
“That’s true, and I can’t control anything I say or do. It gives the boys more blackmail against me.”
“Jisung or Chan, sure,” Amelia relented. “But I can’t possibly imagine Changbin saying anything. Isn’t his job to be brooding?”
He might be brooding, but Changbin liked to tease too.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I had fairly warned Changbin before my heat officially settled in. I told him that I’d probably say ridiculous things or act completely out of my element. He had laughed away my concerns. “I’ll take care of you, Angel.”
But I think he was still caught off-guard.
“Binnie,” I whined rather pathetically, a nickname I would later come to regret. I pawed at my sleeping mate, hand sneaking underneath the waistband of his sweatpants, squeezing at his cock. 
Changbin was slow to rise, letting out a low moan as he reached down for my hand. “What time is it?” he asked as if I could possibly know. Time became irrelevant when I was lost in my headspace. 
“I need a knot,” I told him, unrelenting in my efforts to get him hard, despite the look of exhaustion on his face. 
“Alright, angel,” Changbin groaned, forcing himself to crawl over top of me, leaning down to kiss me softly. 
But I didn’t want Changbin’s soft kisses. I wanted to feel the glide of his tongue against mine, and I really hated those stupid sweatpants he was wearing. I tugged at them, pulling at the drawstring while forcing my tongue past his lips. Changbin let out a noise of surprise, attempting to pull away, but was completely unprepared for the way I chased after him, grabbing him roughly by the scruff of his neck to hold him in place while I resumed our frantic kisses.
I was struggling with his sweatpants, trying to push them down enough to free what I really wanted. However, to my frustration, the material was caught on the swell of his ass, and Changbin was far too gone in our passionate kiss to understand why I was whining into his mouth. But he wasn’t able to ignore the sudden appearance of my tears.
“What’s wrong, Myah?” he asked, lips swollen as he looked me over, trying to figure out what was going on.
“Binnie,” I sniffled, grinding up against him, panting at the friction I was creating. “Why won’t you let me have it?”
Changbin pulled back and I let out a pathetic cry, reaching out for him, even as he gently guided my hands back to my chest. “I’ll make it better, angel,” he promised, and I watched with delight as he worked his sweatpants down his firm thighs, kicking them into the floor. I could finally see his cock, erect against his abdomen, and my inner wolf practically howled in delight. 
I instinctively released more pheromones and Changbin craned his neck back, eyes fluttering closed as the sweet smell started to cloud the air around us. I pushed his malleable form back against the bed, crawling down his body until I could pepper kisses around the sensitive skin of his thighs. I nosed my way closer to his arousal, the source of my desires, ready to do anything to get the knot my inner wolf craved.
Changbin let out a grunt when I took him into my mouth, tongue smoothly running over the leaking tip, tasting his bitter pre-cum. It was like Changbin was everywhere, his scent filling my nose while his taste coated my mouth, saliva dripping from my lips as I tried to take him in as much as I could, all the way down to the promising swell at his base.
“Myah,” Changbin warned, thrusting into my warm, eager mouth. 
I hummed around him, knowing he would appreciate my efforts, and I wanted desperately to please Changbin. Every instinct was screaming at me to give him pleasure because then he would give me his knot. 
Changbin growled, his scent shifting into something far more dominant, taking charge of the situation as he wrestled me onto my back, grabbing my hands and holding them above my head. “Look at you,” he sneered, teeth nipping at my jawline. They felt far sharper than usual and I knew I was in trouble.
Changbin made quick work of the rest of my clothes, hands gripping my thighs roughly as he parted them, breath hot against my folds. “Please,” I shamelessly begged him, and he didn’t tease, not like Jisung might have, but Changbin was always quick when it came to sex.
His tongue led a seductive trail up my slit and I watched with eager eyes as he lapped at my leaking arousal. He was growling again, sucking harshly at the tiny bud-shaped gland that brought the first wave of pleasure. I could feel it building in my abdomen, spreading all the way to my toes as they curled against the sheets. And as good as it felt, I knew Changbin could spend hours eating me out, and that’s not what I needed from him.
I told him as much, pulling harshly at his thick black hair, urging him to give me the knot that was still steadily growing the longer we kept up this intimate foreplay. “Is that what you want, angel?” he finally snarled, eliciting a sharp yelp from me when he suddenly flipped me over onto my stomach, manipulating me into place as he closed in behind me, giving me no warning before bottoming out in one well-calculated thrust.
And I could already feel the knot, dragging against my inner walls.
His powerful torso was pressing against my back, one hand supporting himself, while the other grabbed my breast, squeezing with more force than he probably meant to allow. But every move went straight to my impending orgasm, so I didn’t really care. His grunts were right next to my ear, and his body was touching mine everywhere. I was drowning in Changbin, but it satisfied my primal urges, especially once his knot caught on my entrance, unable to leave my body now that we were connected. The movement also snapped the delicate string holding my orgasm back and I was now sobbing into the mattress, chanting his name as he continued to grind himself inside, emptying his release as deep as he could manage.
“Binnie,” I cried, barely cognizant of his efforts to lay me down on my side, breathing heavily against the back of my neck. 
“I got you, angel,” he said, voice still husky from our coupling. 
“It’s good,” I trembled, sniffling back the promise of fresh tears as I clenched tightly around his engorged length. “Don’t take it.”
Changbin chuckled. “I can’t really do that right now, angel. It might take a while.”
“It’s mine,” I grumbled, instinctively leaning in closer to his warmth. “My knot.”
“Better than Jisung, right?” Changbin ventured, laughing when I nodded my head, arching my neck back just enough to inhale more of his scent. He released more of the pheromones I craved and I whimpered at its effect on my body. “Binnie, huh?” he suddenly questioned, hand smoothing its way down my hip. “I like it.” 
I started purring at his praise, which would have humiliated me under any other circumstances, but not when I felt so content. “I’m not going to let you forget this, Myah,” He snickered, digging his fingers into my fleshy thigh.
I was under a heat-induced coma and didn’t really care.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 6
NCT finally left after securing our alliance, and I was feeling down without Lila around. 
Amelia was far worse, lamenting the loss of her sister to anyone who was nearby. Hyunjin usually took the brunt of her tirades, listening with admirable patience. As for me, well I complained to my mates whenever they would listen because that was supposed to be part of their job description. Which is why I thoroughly voiced my complaints whenever it seemed like they were trying to tune me out.
Meanwhile, I was finally able to start walking again, but freedom came with a price and one of my mates was always lingering, watching me from afar. I started working in the kitchens again, grateful to return to something I felt passionate about in addition to my artwork. Life was resuming back to normal in the pack, a new alliance cause enough for celebration.
I even managed to talk Jisung out of his pants in the midst of the festivities. It was some of the best sex I’d ever experienced, leaving me breathless and aching in the places that had started to gather dust while I was still on the shelf. But I also knew complete normalcy would take a while, especially for Changbin who had actually been present to witness my gruesome injury.
Unfortunately, like all good things in life, the lighthearted moods soon came to an end when one of our border patrols returned to camp reporting suspicious scents. Chan, as head alpha, took the threats seriously, immediately going to investigate. Unsurprisingly, Changbin was already calling for blood before the situation had even been fully assessed.
My alpha mates rarely argued. In fact, I could only recall one real instance of a fight that had almost resulted in violence. It was almost bad enough to break apart the pack before we had even started:
-------------------------------------------------------------
Jisung was always more talkative after a good orgasm, especially when said ecstasy came courtesy of one of my coveted blow jobs. I was pressed into Jisung’s side, head resting on his chest as I listened to his heartbeat gradually slow to its normal gentle thud. “Have you talked to Chan about moving the new pack?”
Jisung and Changbin had originally claimed the rights to a nice patch of land along the eastern border, but after some more scouting from Felix and Minho, they decided to try somewhere further down the river. Personally, I liked the riverside land better because it was closer to the mountains. 
In response, Jisung grunted, carding his fingers through my hair. “Chan will agree with us. The new land has more prey.”
“How tempting,” I teased him. “Can we start moving in?”
Jisung chuckled. “Don’t be impatient, princess. We still haven’t decided on head alpha yet.”
“I thought you would just do it,” I said indifferently because it didn’t really seem like a big deal to me, but that was my first mistake.
Jisung tensed at my side. “It was my idea,” he grumbled, a faint growl underlying his tone.
I hesitated to speak any further on the subject, but I was concerned that my mates were having problems deciding who would lead our pack. “Is something wrong?”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, leaving no room for further inquiry. Instead, he distracted me with a kiss.
-------------------------------------------------------------
And now, my three alphas were on edge again, disagreeing with one another on just about everything involving the potential threat. Changbin wanted to follow the scents and lead a preemptive attack while Chan insisted we should investigate first and try diplomacy. Meanwhile, Jisung wanted to call our new NCT allies back to fortify the camp, defending his belief that we required “strength in numbers.”
Of course, I was caught in the middle. The three boys currently hated one another and they didn’t want to share me at all. Changbin, being so much more in-sync with his wolf, was the worst, insisting I stay with him every night because he was, and I quote, “the only one competent enough to protect me.”
However, staying with Changbin at night only made things worse as I predicted they would. During the day, my mates would often corner me alone, scenting me so heavily that I grew light-headed. They were obviously trying to leave their mark on me, trying to outdo one another in this tedious argument they were stubbornly insisting on furthering. Nothing was being solved, and that only meant our pack was in constant danger from the potential threat at our borderlines.
The tension finally spilled over one afternoon after I had left the pack  to have a good run in the woods. I was feeling restless, especially as the entire pack remained on edge with the threats. I always found exercising to be relieving in a lot of different capacities, but I had also made a promise to myself to shift more often. I didn’t set out to worry anyone, which is why I was surprised to start feeling distress pulling at the edges of my mating bond. My wolf let out a whine as I turned back to camp, tasting the air and wondering if we were being attacked.
An invisible rope was tugging on my heart, urging me to return to camp, so I obeyed it, especially as it started to escalate my steadily pounding pulse. I trotted at a faster pace, slightly cautious in case something bad had happened while I was gone. Everything seemed perfectly normal this morning, and I vaguely recalled eating breakfast with Chan while trying to ignore the envious glares being sent in our direction from Jisung and Changbin. 
I hated it when my mates got competitive with one another as if my attention was a prize to be won. Lately, the three had been worse than usual, constantly looking to rile up the others with taunts and insults. Honestly, it would probably surprise anyone to hear that the three of them were supposedly best friends. 
A loud, threatening growl startled me into a sprint, racing down the mountainside to reach camp. Because I knew who that growl belonged to and Changbin wasn’t afraid to bare his teeth when he was angry. I skidded to a halt outside the perimeter of the main courtyard, eyes widening in surprise when I saw Changbin and Chan engaged in a vicious staredown, pacing around one another as if seeking an opening to attack. 
Jisung was still in his human form, looking quite frazzled as he attempted to pacify the two bigger wolves. Meanwhile, our other packmates looked on with trepidation. “What’s going on here?” I demanded, shifting pack to human form so that I could question Jisung. 
“Myah!” 
I braced myself as Jisung gathered me into his arms, holding me above ground as he buried his nose into my scent gland. His grip was unrelenting, and I could feel his fear through our mating bond. “What’s wrong?” I asked. However, before Jisung could answer, Changbin had broken his confrontation with Chan to intercede, letting out a growl which Jisung heeded, giving Changbin space to push his head against my side. “You’re too strong,” I reprimanded him, trying to push his giant head away to give myself more space. Instead, I found myself overwhelmed, falling onto my backside with an unattractive squeak that would normally lead to some sort of teasing from Jisung.
However, nothing was funny about this situation, especially when Chan’s wolf decided to read Changbin’s actions as aggressive. He came to my defense, knocking Changbin away with a threatening snarl, taking an unexpected protective stance in front of me, blocking me from everyone else’s view. “Channie,” I winced, feeling the soreness start to spread up my tailbone.
But Chan wasn’t listening to me. Instead, he was completely focused on Changbin, mirroring his threatening posture, haunches raised and teeth bared. I was completely helpless, stunned into silence while my two alpha mates continued to search for the perfect opening to attack. Meanwhile, Jisung was still trying to play peacekeeper, holding out his hands to show his surrender. “Chan,” he tried, “this isn’t really the best time to fight with Changbin.” Chan’s giant silver-haired wolf snapped in Jisung’s direction and I watched my mate roll his eyes. “You’re supposed to be the mature one!”
“Why are they like this?” I asked Jisung, slowly rising to my feet despite the flaring pain from my unexpected fall.
“We couldn’t find you this morning,” Jisung pouted. “Changbin blamed Chan because he was the last one to see you. I didn’t think it would escalate so fast.”
“This is irresponsible,” I snapped, reaching out to dig my fingers into Chan’s side. “Stop it, Chan! I’m being serious.”Chan’s wolf turned to look at me, a message to stay back clearly illuminated in the brilliant flecks of his irises. “You’re supposed to be the leader! Why don’t you act like it?”
Chan let out a whine as he gently nudged his head against me. “Lay off, Changbin,” Jisung growled from somewhere to my right.
“Can I talk to you, please?” I asked Chan. “As a human?”
Chan’s look could only be described as chastened once he started to shift back, pale skin replacing his silvery-colored fur. He immediately wrapped me into his arms, one hand buried in my hair as he forced his nose against my scent gland. “You scared me.”
“And you scared me,” I retorted, glaring over his shoulder at Changbin who must have also shifted back at some point. However, unlike Chan, Changbin seemed completely unapologetic, rage still darkening his features. 
“Where were you this morning?”
“I went for a walk.”
“By yourself? When there are rogue wolves wandering our borderlines?”
I huffed at Changbin’s attitude, wrestling free from Chan’s unrelenting grip so that I could face my furious mate. “I don’t need permission.”
“No, but you could have at least given us some courtesy,” Changbin argued, folding his arms in a way that told me he was closing himself off, completely set on whatever wrongdoing he had decided I committed.
“I’m sorry,” I offered, hoping to appease everyone, especially since several of our packmates still loitered around, despite Jisung’s command for them to return to their assignments. “But the two of you shouldn’t be fighting.”
“This isn’t something we should have to worry about,” Changbin continued. “But Chan doesn’t seem to understand the gravity of our situation. Our lead alpha has grown soft.”
Chan let out a little growl as he pushed me behind him. “I’m doing the best I can. We don’t know anything about these wolves.”
“Exactly,” Changbin grunted. “We shouldn’t underestimate them.”
“And I’m not,” Chan insisted. “I already agreed with Jisung’s plan to call back NCT for reinforcements.”
“It’s not enough,” Changbin snarled. “We should put that numbers advantage to good use.”
“By slaughtering rogue wolves who are likely just passing through the territory?”
“And what if they aren’t? How do you know they won’t attack?”
“I don’t know! But neither do you.”
“How would you feel if one of them attacked Myah?” Changbin challenged and a chilling silence fell over the four of us. 
“Are you saying I would put my mate in danger?” Chan eventually asked as he took a step forward in Changbin’s direction.
Changbin held his ground. “She’s my mate too and that’s why I’ve done everything in my power to make sure she stays safe. I let her out of my sight this morning, entrusting her to your care, and she goes missing! While rogue wolves are sniffing around our borders!” Changbin snarled as his eyes flashed a dangerous red. “You better handle the attacks before I have to intervene.”
-------------------------------------------------------------
NCT arrived the very next morning, and I chose to stay in bed in an attempt to appease my mates who had been far too unpredictable since their unexpected confrontation from the previous morning. Amelia somehow managed to sneak into my room, talking animatedly about the impressive size of the NCT pack. “There’s so many of them!” she said. “They easily outnumber our pack.”
“I bet Chan isn’t happy about that,” I said, half-heartedly swirling the contents of my glass. The orange juice seemed rather unappealing.
“Of course not,” Amelia said. “But neither is Changbin.”
“Changbin won’t be satisfied until we’re somehow living in recluse from the rest of society.”
“Is that what he’s told you?”
I smirked. “Did Lila come with them?”
“Haechan made her stay behind, but you can’t really blame him. It’s not like they’re coming here for a vacation.”
“Have they been out on patrol yet?”
“Chan’s organized one for tonight. Apparently, he’s letting Changbin lead.”
“That’s hard to believe,” I scoffed. “They haven’t agreed on much lately.”
“Hyunjin thinks it’s just some passing rogues,” Amelia said. “They’ll probably move on in the next day or so.”
“They haven’t initiated any sort of aggressive action,” I agreed. “I hope their scents fade so the pack can settle back down.”
“So your mates can get along again?” Amelia teased. “I haven’t seen them this angry since Chan became head alpha.”
I shivered as I recalled the distant memory. “I thought we were going to lose Changbin.”
“Lose him?” Amelia questioned. “What do you mean?”
It was all too easy to remember:
-------------------------------------------------------------
“Where are you going, angel?” Changbin purred as his hands tightened around my waist, pulling me back against his naked chest to halt my efforts in escaping.
I winced because the truth would likely only set off another angry tirade, a frequent occurrence these days. Changbin had been especially moody lately, ever since Chan and Jisung decided our new head alpha would fall to one of them. Chan had argued that Changbin was too quick-tempered to be a leader while Jisung claimed Changbin acted quite irrationally when it came to protecting those he cared about. “I’m meeting with my parents.”
“Today?” Changbin whined, nose finding its way to my scent gland. “I’ll come with you.”
So much for lying. But my attempt was not in vain because if Changbin heard I was meeting Chan and Jisung later, he’d likely hold me hostage in his bedroom just to spite the other alphas. Or, worse yet, insist he come along to the meeting and that would not be in anyone’s best interest. “Changbin,” I tried instead, hitching one leg over his hip. “Remember what happened the last time you met my parents?”
Changbin grunted as I laved my tongue across his pulse point. “What?”
I grinned, feeling his cock heavy against my thigh. “You asked my father for his permission to take me from his pack.”
“Did I?”
I pressed a delicate kiss to the sensitive underside of his sharp jawline. “I don’t think my father liked the idea of you “taking” me anywhere.”
“It could've been worse.”
“You told my sister she should run away with her rogue boyfriend.”
“You should always follow your heart!”
I stifled a laugh as I gripped his cock hard. “Maybe I should handle my parents alone today.”
“Yeah,” Changbin replied breathily, eyes closed against the ministrations of my fingers smoothing up and down. He leaned in closer to press a sweet kiss against the side of my mouth, a stark contradiction to his next words: “But I want to fuck you first.”
I was more than willing to agree.
I only wished later in hindsight that I had been honest with him from the start.
Jisung was feeling extra affectionate that afternoon, crowding me onto his lap as he nuzzled the back of my neck, inhaling my scent. Meanwhile, Chan was impatiently trying to organize our pack members, several straggling in at the last minute. “This is an important decision,” Chan scolded Jeongin, the younger wolf whimpering as he passively accepted my alpha’s sharp words.
“Don’t be mean to him,” I spoke through our mind-link, ignoring Chan’s low growl in response.
“Where’s Felix?” 
“He said he might be late,” Jisung answered absent-mindedly, nipping at the edge of my ear. He was far calmer than Chan despite the circumstances of our pack’s summoning.
“Minho,” Chan growled. “Are you taking notes?”
“The meeting hasn’t started yet,” Minho grumped, frowning in Chan’s direction.
Chan looked at Minho incredulously, eyes narrowed, ready to undoubtedly reprimand the younger wolf. However, the abrupt sound of knocking at the door to the main room prevented more unnecessarily harsh words. “Finally,” Chan muttered, and I grinned as Jisung mocked his voice in my ear. At least one of my mates was proving why he would make a good leader.
“Changbin.”
I froze on Jisung’s lap, feeling the alpha beneath me tense considerably at the mention of the older wolf. Slowly, I glanced at the doorway, shivering when I saw Changbin and Felix standing shoulder to shoulder. Chan’s previous mask of hardened resolved had melted away, leaving behind an expression of shock that likely resembled Jisung’s. 
 “What’s going on?” Felix asked, confusion evident as he took in the frazzled states of our packmates.
“I guess I wasn’t invited,” Changbin said coldly, squaring up to Chan as he fixed the older with a fierce look. “Was I not gonna be apart of the vote?” 
Felix glanced away sheepishly as if finally realizing his mistake. And Chan could only struggle for the right words as he found himself in a vulnerable position. But the most heartbreaking moment happened a beat later when Changbin met my gaze from across the room. Disappointed.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“But Changbin obviously forgave you,” Amelia said, noticing the long pause in my story. 
“I shouldn’t have lied to him,” I said, sighing as I reclined back against my bed.
“Everything worked out,” Amelia nodded, tilting her head to the side when a deep voice cleared from the other side of my bedroom door. “Who is it?”
Felix stuck his head inside, eyes wide as they moved back and forth between us. “Felix,” I sighed, “what do my mates want now?”
“NCT recognized their scents!”
Amelia sat up, leaning forward in her chair. “But what does that mean?”
Felix shifted anxiously. “Taeyong said the intruders are a group of former NCT pack members who left several months ago. They’re looking for new land.”
“NCT knows them?”
“There are five rogues,” Felix said, “but they’re trying to recruit more.” He cleared his throat, checking over his shoulder as if expecting someone to overhear. “We might have a war on our hands.”
-------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 7
Changbin might pretend to be indifferent, but it’s only because he had always been taught to act and behave in a certain way. His father was strict, adamant that Changbin disguise those weak emotions with strength and endurance instead. However, try as one might, there was only so much a person could take until they reached their inevitable breaking point.
And Changbin had found his in our betrayal. An attempt to keep him in the shadows, ignorant of pack politics while Jisung and Chan fought for the right to call themselves head alpha. But when Changbin found out, he could no longer hide his anger and disappointment, storming out of the room and leaving behind a string of curses.
And that’s how I found him later, standing at the edge of the clearing while gazing out into the empty woods. Perhaps that’s how Changbin felt inside: empty and alone because his packmates had so clearly disregarded his feelings. My mates thought they were doing the right thing, but seldom is the right decision an easy one to make.
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I said later on while gripping tightly to his arm. 
Changbin shook his head, looking off into the horizon. The sun was setting, a faint pinkish glow illuminating the sky. “I get it,” he said. “They didn’t want me as head alpha.”
I trembled. “Changbin,” I started, “don’t think so low of yourself.”
“Am I even worthy of being your mate?” he asked, self-deprecating, ignoring my small gasp as he pulled his arm free from my hold.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“Jisung,” I said firmly, glaring down at the squirming male in question. “You’d better tell me what’s going on.”
Jisung cleared his throat, refusing to look at me. “Chan doesn’t want you involved.”
“Yeah?” I questioned, bending down to grab his chin, forcing our eye contact. “If you expect me to help you with your rut next month, then you’ll tell me everything that’s happened with the rogues.”
Jisung’s accompanying expression was one of absolute betrayal. “You would let me suffer?”
I rolled my eyes. “You have a working hand don’t you?”
Jisung scoffed. “I’m not gonna masturbate through my rut like a teenage boy.”
“And what has Changbin been doing all this time?” I smirked. “He never let me help before and he was perfectly fine.”
“Maybe he’s okay with that,” Jisung shot back. “You shouldn’t use that as blackmail! Chan has his reasons for keeping you in the dark.”
“I’m sure he does,” I argued. “He probably thinks he’s protecting me somehow.” I shook my head because Chan was far too stubborn. “It’s really embarrassing when the other females ask me about the situation, but I have no idea what to tell them.”
“The patrols are handling it.”
“Jisung, you just invited another pack into our territory! It doesn’t exactly scream that we have everything under control, does it?”
Jisung pouted. “Please don’t make me tell you. The three of us haven’t been able to get along lately. If I disobeyed an order from Chan, I’d get dragged into the same mess as Changbin!”
“Fine,” I shrugged. “But I hope you like sleeping alone tonight.”
“Myah,” Jisung whined, even as I was already slamming the door to his bedroom shut behind me.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Chan was clearly busy when I approached him later that day. He was conversing sternly with Taeyong, the NCT pack leader. I decided to hold back, waiting for the two of them to finish their business. I knew I would be much less likely to get information from Chan if I interrupted his talk with Taeyong. You see, Chan was acting much more serious lately, a result of him taking full responsibility as the pack’s head alpha. I was proud of him for holding his responsibilities in such high regard, but I was also a little disappointed with the friction it was causing between his best friends. 
Taeyong offered me a delicate bow as he walked by. I waited until he was out of hearing range before confronting Chan. “There you are, Myah,” Chan greeted me, touching his nose to my scent gland before frowning. “You smell like Jisung.”
“I saw him this morning.”
Chan huffed, taking a step back. “The two of you shouldn’t have sex so close to his next rut. It might trigger it early.”
“We weren’t having sex,” I said, annoyed with Chan’s possessiveness. “Am I not allowed to see my mates now without your permission?”
Chan’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Did you come here to fight?”
“Of course not,” I sighed. “But I have a feeling you’re not in the mood to hear me out.”
“It’s my job to listen to you,” Chan said. “What’s on your mind?”
“The rogues.”
Chan shook his head, gazing off somewhere behind me. “You don’t need to worry about the rogues.”
“Channie,” I argued, going right for his weak spot. “Don’t you think I should know? I’m the pack alpha’s mate and I can’t even tell the other members anything!”
“That isn’t your job,” Chan insisted. “They shouldn’t be so nosy. I’ll hold a pack meeting tonight.”
“There’s no need for that,” I countered. “Unless you’re finally gonna tell us what’s really going on with the borders. I bet Taeyong told his pack.”
Chan winced at the remark. “Actually, Taeyong hasn’t said anything. Only Mark understands what’s going on, and that’s because he personally knows the wolves involved.”
“Does he?” I asked, sensing a potential opening. “What did he say?”
But Chan was tight-lipped. “If you see Changbin later, tell him I’ve been looking for him.”
I growled in frustration as Chan walked by, completely ignoring me as he joined Mark and another NCT wolf who had started in our direction. “Asshole,” I told him, making sure to add as much bitterness as one could through a mind-link.
I went in search of Changbin next, inquiring of his whereabouts from a few lingering pack members. My tsundere mate liked to make himself scarce when things were tense around camp. I figured he probably went hunting or something, but there was no way I was following him into the mountains this time. 
Surprisingly, Jeongin told me that Changbin had been in his cabin all day. “I tried to talk to him earlier,” the younger member said. “But he wouldn’t listen to me.”
I suppose I wasn’t the only victim to Changbin’s moodiness.
Still, I was expecting more difficulty when I knocked on his cabin door and asked if I could come inside. Changbin was quick to acquiesce, flinging open the door with enough force to knock it against the wall, sending me jumping into the air in response. “What the hell was that for?” I asked while allowing him to drag me inside his cabin. 
His unexpectedly gentle kiss was my response, lips sliding across mine smoothly. “I feel like shit,” Changbin said, pulling away to rest his feverish head against mine.
“Binnie,” I soothed, omega instincts kicking in as I led him to his bed. “Are you sick?”
“Just caught something,” Changbin grumbled, refusing to let go of me as he dragged us down on top of the mattress. 
“You’re really hot,” I commented, fitting my palm over his forehead. “Are you hurting?”
“It’s not that bad, Angel,” Changbin said, rumbling softly as he drug his nose across my neck. “You smell like Jisung.”
I tried not to roll my eyes. “His rut is close.”
“You’ll smell like me after this,” Changbin declared proudly as if wearing his sickly scent around camp was something to appreciate. 
“You reek,” I informed him. “Your scent is stronger than usual.”
Changbin’s breath was warm against my throat. “You’ll stay with me, right angel?”
“Of course,” I agreed, sliding my fingers through his sweat-drenched hair. “I just hope Chan doesn't come looking for us.”
Changbin tensed at the mention of Chan. “Isn’t he too busy kissing Taeyong’s ass?”
“Binnie,” I scolded the younger, frowning at the way he burrowed closer. 
“We don’t need them,” Changbin growled, scenting me headily. “We can handle the rogues ourselves.”
“I think Chan wanted to talk to you about the rogues,” I said. “He sure as hell never told me anything,” I added, almost as an afterthought.
“Chan was pissed when he found out that Felix said something about their relationship to NCT,” Changbin admitted. “He doesn’t want anyone else knowing.”
“Why not?” I asked, running my fingertips across Changbin’s puffy cheeks. “Shouldn’t the pack have the right to know?”
“Chan’s orders,” Changbin said, teeth gritted. “He’s pack alpha after all.”
“You voted for him, remember?” 
“Only after he tried to keep me out of it,” Changbin replied, wrapping an arm around my waist. 
“He thought he was doing the right thing,” I said in response. “Why don’t you take your shirt off? It might help you cool down.”
“Is this your way of getting me naked?” Changbin grinned. “I’ll do it for you, angel.”
“Stop it,” I scolded him, pulling away only to help wrestle the constricting material from his torso. “Have you seen Woojin yet?”
“I’ll see him if I feel worse tomorrow,” Changbin said, biceps flexing enticingly as he stretched his arms above his head. 
“He might prevent you from feeling worse,” I said, forcing my eyes away from the unexpectedly attractive sight.
“It’s probably nothing,” Changbin assured me, hands smoothing down his broad chest. “Winter is starting to settle in.”
“An excuse to stay in bed longer,” I said, finding myself leaning into his warmth.
Changbin was quiet for a while, and I figured he had fallen asleep. As a matter of fact, I found myself growing drowsy with the combination of his heat and the comfort of the mattress beneath me. I was moments away from closing my eyes when he spoke up again. “I saw the new pups yesterday,” he said.
It was enough to surprise me into alertness. “Mina’s pups?”
He nodded. “I went with Jisung.”
I grinned. “You should have brought me along. I’ve been looking for a better excuse to see them.”
One of our older pack members had recently given birth to three little pups. They were absolutely adorable with their small eyes and cute little button noses. Amelia and I had spent more time there than the kitchens. It was starting to become a problem, especially when Mina’s mate was less than willing to share their cabin with other wolves. But how could anyone resist the heart-wrenching sounds of their precious giggles?
“Do you like pups?” Changbin asked.
“Of course I love pups!” I exclaimed, turning on my side to rest my chin on top of his chest. “Mina’s are so tiny! How can anything be that small?”
Changbin’s eyes met mine and I was taken aback by the raw emotion I saw reflecting back at me. “Maybe you should stop taking your pills.”
I paused, studying him closely. His implication was clear. “Are you serious?”
Changbin nodded. “Maybe on your next heat we can all try.”
His sincerity was unexpected as Changbin was the last mate I thought would inquire about having pups. I knew Jisung adored pups and he was always one of the first to see any new additions to our pack. I usually trailed along after him, adoring the look of glee in his eyes when he held a tiny pup in his strong arms. And as for Chan? Well, my oldest mate liked pups well enough and had considered in passing the idea of having pups of his own one day.
But Changbin?
“Have you talked to the others?” I asked.
“No,” Changbin grunted. “But we haven’t exactly been friendly recently.”
I nodded. “After this mess with the rogues is sorted out, maybe we can all sit down together and talk about it. I don’t want to try when the three of you are fighting.”
Changbin grinned as he practically drug me on top of him. “Okay,” he said, pecking my nose sweetly. “But I get the first knot.”
I groaned at his words, feeling the tight bulge of his cock underneath the thin layer of his worn sweatpants.
-------------------------------------------------------------
The following day, I decided to go hunting with Jisung and Changbin. The elder was feeling better after spending the day isolated away from the pack, and Changbin told me he desperately needed to shift again. Meanwhile, Jisung was feeling just as adventurous, hearing of our plans and demanding to come along. Changbin protested at first, but eventually gave in when I sternly reminded him how important it was for us to all get along. Changbin must have remembered my words from yesterday, immediately complying with Jisung’s wishes.
The three of our wolves padded together along the used trails in the woods, keeping close to camp. It was still potentially dangerous to go out past the edges of the territory when rogues were threatening our pack. However, I knew Changbin would be the last person to refuse his wolf’s obvious attachment to the woods, and Changbin was never intimidated by threats.
And I also longed to stretch my legs and have a nice run through the woods.
Nevertheless, my senses were on high alert as I walked between my two mates. My wolf was minuscule in comparison to Jisung and Changbin, but it was reassuring to know my mates were so much stronger. They would always protect me if danger happened to arise.
Changbin let out a bark as he picked up on a stray scent, nose high in the air as he caught the trail. “This way,” he directed, leading the three of us into a nearby thicket of bushes.
I kept my body close to the ground, hindquarters raised, as I waited for Changbin’s next command. “Why is your ass sticking up,” Jisung teased, nipping at my ear playfully.
“This is the hunter’s stance,” I quipped, ears pricked forward as a faint rustle echoed throughout the surrounding foliage.
“Leave the hunting to the professionals, princess,” Jisung said, stopping to shoulder himself next to Changbin. “What is it?”
“Deer,” Changbin said, tasting the air carefully. “A small doe, maybe.”
Jisung dugs his claws into the forest floor as if anticipating the impending hunt. “Should we take it, Changbin?”
“I could wrestle it down without you,” Changbin grumbled.
Jisung’s wolf huffed as if offended. “I’d overpower it easily!”
“Go ahead,” Changbin challenged, suddenly sitting back on his haunches. “If you’re so skilled at hunting bigger prey.”
Jisung hesitated, but he was far too proud to let Changbin bruise his ego. I watched Jisung crouch down, stealthily moving through the underbrush as he slowly approached the doe who was barely visible through the branches of the trees crowding the area surrounding us. I withheld my laughter as I sat down next to Changbin, allowing him to nuzzle into the side of my neck affectionately. “He’s not low enough,” he told me. “The deer will hear him before he’s ready.”
I watched with interest, silently rooting for Jisung to prove Changbin wrong as he edged closer. Unfortunately, Changbin was rarely wrong in such instances, and I winced when Jisung’s front paw broke a stick beneath his path. Immediately, the deer’s head shot up into the air, eyes blown wide as it studied the nearby vicinity. Jisung panicked, launching himself into a premature attack, barely glancing the deer with his claws before the now spooked creature took off. Jisung was quick to recover his footing, but still not fast enough to track down an animal relying on adrenaline racing through familiar territory.
“Shit!” Jisung cursed as he finally slowed down, watching the deer race away through the woods.
“Nice job,” Changbin snarked, ignoring Jisung as he turned around to look for a new trail.
Jisung held his head down as he passed me. 
“There’s another scent up ahead,” Changbin said, suddenly shifting back to his human form. 
I shifted behind him, confused as to why he had suddenly switched. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” he said, beckoning me forward.
I stood next to him, gazing down into the ravine. “It’s beautiful.”
“I’ve seen better,” Changbin grinned, and I rolled my eyes at his cheesy flirtation.
“I almost had that deer!” Jisung abruptly growled, shoving his way between us, arms crossed over his chest.
“Your stance is lacking,” Changbin said, chuckling when Jisung shoved him harshly. “You need more hunting experience.”
“I have more important things to do,” Jisung defended himself, looking in my direction with pitiful eyes. “I’ve been busy with pack stuff.”
“Poor baby,” I cooed. “Maybe you just needed a practice run. You can always try again.”
“I picked up a faint scent on the trail we came up,” Changbin said, nodding to his right. “It might be a smaller doe.”
Jisung followed Changbin and I lingered behind, taking a few more moments to admire the simplistic beauty of our mountain home. “I smell it!” Jisung declared, shifting back to his dusky brown wolf as his nose sniffed across the dirt floor.
“See if you can track it,” Changbin suggested and Jisung needed no further encouragement, determined to make up for his previous blunder. 
I could hear him take off down the trail, feet thundering against the forest floor, purpose driving his steps. In the meantime, I could feel Changbin’s familiar presence as he approached from behind, nose touching the back of my neck while his strong arms wrapped around my middle.
“I really want to fuck you,” Changbin smirked, tucking my hair behind my ear. I studied the trail where Jisung had disappeared into the ravine.
“Is this really an appropriate time?” I asked as he turned me around.
“He’s gone,” Changbin grinned. “And what else are we gonna do?”
“Hunt.”
“I can catch us enough prey,” Changbin bragged, leaning in closer, thumbing at the neckline of my shirt. “Your tits look good in this.”
“What a compliment.”
“Myah,” Changbin pouted, slowly forcing me back. I allowed him to do so until my back met the rough bark of a nearby tree. “We haven’t had sex in a while.”
“If you were more patient,” I started, brushing my fingers against his gorgeous lips. “We could have sex tonight when we get back to camp.”
“Are you worried about Jisung?” Changbin asked, raising one brow in question.
“You aren’t?” I countered because the idea of Jisung stumbling upon Changbin fucking me against a tree was not exactly sexy.
“He’s not gonna know,” Changbin purred in my ear, reaching for the hem of my skirt. “I sent him after a stale scent. He’ll be searching for a while.”
“Was this your plan all along?” I indulged, allowing him to run his fingers up my bare thigh.
“No,” Changbin shrugged, fingers digging into my flesh. “But you smell really good today.”
“Do I normally smell bad?” I joked, wrapping my hands around his impressive biceps.
He flexed them on purpose. “I love your scent.”
I rolled my eyes playfully. “Changbin, don’t you think this is reckless?”
“I won’t let anything bad happen to you, angel,” he promised, looking for the right words to try and convince me to give in to his demands.
I was close to arguing again before he suddenly lifted me up, forcing my legs to wrap around his waist as he brought our bodies close together. He was unbelievably hard, cock straining against the material of his shorts. “Have you wanted this for a while?” I asked breathily because he was scenting me with purpose, determined to wipe all logical thoughts from my mind.
I barely noticed when his hands managed to push my skirt up my legs, thumbs rubbing circles into my hip bones.
“I think my wolf was jealous of Jisung,” Changbin admitted, mouthing at the exposed expanse of my chest. “He wants our scent on you.”
“And what better way,” I grinned, curling my fingers through his thick hair.
“You know I like it, angel,” he continued, hips pushing forward into mine. 
“We need to be fast,” I gasped, feeling the burning friction of his fingers as he moved my panties out of the way.
“Take me out,” he growled, eyes trained down as I worked his shorts and underwear down his legs, leaving his cock erect as he worked to support his hands under my thighs.
“Put it in,” I found myself begging, feeling his cock, warm and thick, as he moved us into the perfect position, tip threatening entrance.
And Changbin never needed me to beg for his cock, all too willing to give me whatever I wanted when it meant nothing but pleasure. Which is why I found myself moaning the moment he pushed his way inside, filling me with him slowly, a leisurely pace as if testing my patience. But I eventually learned patience throughout the years of satisfying my mates, so I simply waited until he was all the way inside, pressing against my clit with a wonderful pressure.
And with my skirt bundled up at my waist, legs wrapped around Changbin’s waist, feeling his powerful hands support my thighs with a bruising grip, I gave in to his wishes. It was all too easy to fall victim to his dark energy, and I choked on a sob as his cock moved in and out. He started a powerful rhythm that made it difficult to do anything more than toss my head back against the trunk of the tree, accepting whatever he decided to give me, which was always everything he had coiled tightly in the thick muscles that filled out his body.
“It’s good,” I made sure to tell him, praising him because I knew it would only get better the more I fed his ego, his desire to show off his strength for his mate.
But Changbin still had more demands.
“Show them to me,” Changbin begged, eyes glued to my chest. 
I tried to ignore him, scenting across his throat, teeth scraping along his skin. His dark, spicy smell was driving my omega crazy, and my wolf howled at me to bite him again. It was difficult to resist, so I gave in, gently digging my teeth against the taut flesh of his shoulder blade. “Angel,” Changbin grunted, cock stuttering inside. “Are you listening to me?”
I whined when he slowed down, dragging out with a pace that was not nearly as satisfying. “Don’t stop,” I begged him, trying to force him back inside, pushing down against his grip on my legs. 
He shifted me down, one of my feet touching the ground as his other hand continued to support most of my weight. I focused on taking in more oxygen as he tugged down my top, forcing my breasts to spill out. “That’s fucking hot,” he cursed, lifting me back up before forcing me down onto his thick cock.  
“Come inside,” I begged him, rapidly approaching my release, feeling it build deep inside.
“Are you worried Jisung might see?” Changbin teased, sweat glistening beautifully across his dark skin. 
“I-I’m not,” I managed, eyes closed tightly together as my hands ran across the broad expanse of his chest, feeling his muscles beneath the fabric of his shirt, straining with his efforts.
“He’d come in his pants like a little bitch,” Changbin snarled, mouth moving harshly across my breasts, tongue frequently taking the liberty to tease my sensitive nipples. 
I could feel his knot growing, threatening to lock us together. It was enough to finally break me out of my pheromone-induced haze. “Changbin,” I said, “you can’t knot me out here.”
Changbin groaned, nipping at his mating mark on my neck. “Can I come inside your mouth?”
“Absolutely,” I agreed breathily, unable to stop from moaning when my orgasm suddenly hit courtesy of a well-timed thrust from Changbin, knot catching slightly on my entrance.
He growled, pulling out completely before helping me settle onto my knees in front of him. “Fuck, I like you this way, angel,” he whispered, hands wrapping into my hair.
I didn’t answer, opening my mouth to allow him access. His cock sat heavy on my tongue and I hollowed my cheeks, lips stretching to accommodate him, pausing at the swell of his arousal. It didn’t take long for Changbin to finally cum, releasing down my throat, bitter but satisfying. He finally pulled out slowly, flaccid length falling from my reddened lips. 
We were both trying to catch our breath as we adjusted our clothes, trying to hide the evidence of our coupling. Unfortunately, when Changbin leaned in closer to kiss me, I could easily smell our sex permeating his scent. Jisung might not have Changbin’s superior sense of smell, but even a human could catch on to what we had been doing.
“We might be in trouble,” Changbin said, grinning against my wet skin.
After a while, I could hear the faint sound of Jisung’s paws against the underbrush. “He’s gonna smell us.”
“He’ll get you all to himself in a few weeks,” Changbin said, pressing one more lingering kiss to his mating mark.
I laughed when Jisung came into view, shifting into his human form. “He’s gonna be pissed.”
“I don’t care,” Changbin declared, holding me tightly against him, as if afraid to let go.
I merely laughed when Jisung immediately scrunched his nose as he came closer, the heavy smell of our sex assaulting the air surrounding us.
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Chapter 8
Fear.
I felt it strongly, almost overbearing, as I followed the strong scent of blood. I whined when I finally saw him, barely cognizant, fur matted into thick knots as Felix and Minho carefully pulled him through camp. Jisung and Changbin were close, agitation evident in the harsh way their tails flicked back and forth. I snarled loudly, drawing the attention of the other wolves as I tried to fight my way through the gathered crowd of my packmates. 
Jisung wordlessly interceded, blocking me from the sight of my mangled alpha mate. “He needs me,” I pleaded with him, but my strength was no match for Jisung’s. 
“They’re coming,” Jisung warned, and it was only then I finally realized that I had been detecting his fear all along. But he wasn’t afraid for Chan despite his worsening condition.
He was afraid for me.
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Before
“Do you feel better?” I whispered to my exhausted mate.
He hooked his leg around my hip, accommodating the knot keeping up locked together. “The fever broke,” he offered in response, voice husky as he touched his nose to my scent gland. 
“I don’t think I could handle it again,” I groaned. “I need a bath.”
“Are you hurting?” he asked, instinctively releasing a familiar calming pheromone. My eyelids were heavy.
“I’m fine,” I assured him. “It wasn’t too much.”
Jisung groaned from behind me. “I’ve been worried about the rogues,” he admitted. “I was probably rough.”
“You weren’t as rough as Changbin,” I whispered, wincing as I recalled Changbin’s most recent rut cycle.
Jisung chuckled. “Changbin told me something interesting the other day.”
“Really?”
Jisung let out a low rumble as his hand trailed along my side, fingers smoothing across my stomach. “He said you were thinking about pups.”
“Did he?” I asked groggily, shivering when he tugged at his knot, detecting resistance from the engorged base.
“Do you want to have pups?” 
“I’d like to,” I said. “I really want one.”
“Just one?” he whispered, kissing my shoulder.
“I haven’t exactly thought this through.”
“You shouldn’t have to,” Jisung said. “But between the three of us, I hope you have more than one.”
“Is that some sort of innuendo?”
“We’d have to plan for one of your heats,” Jisung continued thoughtfully. “Are we gonna take turns? Take you one night each?”
“Binnie wants the first knot.”
“Of course he does,” Jisung growled possessively. “But that doesn’t guarantee that he’ll have better chances.”
“Aren’t you being a little crude?” I asked him, reaching down for the hand still wavering around my stomach. “Does it really matter?”
“We’d never know,” Jisung acquiesced. “Have you talked to Chan about it?”
“No,” I muttered. “It’s hard to talk to him about anything other than the rogues.”
“He’s worried,” Jisung said. “But I think it’s making the whole pack nervous.”
“I haven’t spent time alone with Chan in a long time,” I said. “I’m not even sure he sleeps anymore.”
“Well, you shouldn’t worry,” Jisung assured me. “The three of us will take care of everything. As soon as the rogues are gone, we’ll be back to normal.”
“You and Changbin aren’t acting different,” I said, recalling my last disagreement with Chan, watching my alpha ignore me in favor of another pack’s beta.
“Changbin didn’t get his way with the rogues,” Jisung offered as an explanation. “And I’ve always been the most rational.”
I snickered at his comment, whining when he finally tugged his knot free. I immediately turned on my side, searching for his warmth. “Should I confront Chan?”
“He’d never ignore you on purpose,” Jisung said. “He just needs some time to figure out what to do.”
“He’s had more than enough time for that,” I said, slowly losing my battle with the impending promise of sleep.
-------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, I allowed Amelia to talk me into an impromptu babysitting job for Mina’s pups while the she-wolf in question and her mate spent some time alone together. Jisung’s rut had broken at some point during the night and Chan had immediately ordered him back to work, sending him on a patrol in the lower valley. I, for one, was grateful for something to occupy my time, which explains why I was currently laid on the carpet of Mina’s cabin, allowing her rapidly growing pups to crawl over my still weakened body. “Leo,” Amelia chastised the younger boy who had abruptly shifted to his wolf form, teeth caught on my t-shirt. “You can’t chew on that.”
“I give up,” I declared, watching the younger pup with vague interest. “They can do whatever they want.”
“There’s only three of them,” Amelia sighed, wrestling one of the male pups away from his protesting sister.
“I feel sorry for Mina,” I said, startling slightly when I detected laughter from the doorway. 
I glared at Felix. “What?”
“I don’t think that’s how it works,” he said, graciously saving my t-shirt from Leo’s sharp teeth.
“Have you ever done this before?” a new voice inquired, and I gazed up at Seungmin helplessly. 
“Does it look like we know what we’re doing?”
“They were cuter when they couldn’t walk,” Amelia added, holding Mina’s little girl close to her chest as she cried openly about her brother’s prior attack.
Felix sat down across from Leo, laughing as the younger pup immediately began chasing his tail. “They’re completely harmless.”
“Harmless?” Amelia frowned. “They’re little devils!”
“Devils?” Seungmin snorted, eagerly picking up the other male pup. Immediately, the pup nuzzled in closer to Seungmin, sniffing along his neck. “You have to discipline them.”
“They don’t listen,” Amelia insisted, groaning when the pup in her arms started whining for attention.
Leo had paused in the adventure he made of chasing his tail, sniffing the air with interest. “What is it?” Felix asked, cutesy voice almost overbearing to hear.
“Don’t talk like that,” I grumbled, rolling over onto my stomach.
“She’s not nice, right Leo?” Felix continued, ignorant to my suffering. “Are you being a good boy?”
The pup chirped happily as it fixed its attention on Felix. “You babysit then,” Amelia insisted, situating the pup in her arms onto my lower back. I groaned loudly at the additional weight pressing down.
“We never said we would,” Seungmin pointed out, allowing the wriggling pup in his arms free. Leo watched the movement and decided he was going to attack his younger brother, jumping onto the other unsuspecting pup rather ungracefully.
“Let’s take them outside,” Felix suggested, perhaps taking pity on Amelia and I. “They can run off their energy.”
I watched out of the corner of my eye as Felix carefully lifted Leo, patiently withstanding the pup’s insistent wriggling. “Felix,” Amelia cried dramatically. “You’re my hero!”
Seungmin rolled his eyes but reluctantly lifted the other male pup, following Felix’s lead. Meanwhile, Amelia had relieved me of the burdening weight of Mina’s youngest girl, hugging tightly to the small pup as she joined the boys outside. I let out a groan as I gathered myself onto my feet, brushing off my jeans before stepping out the door. “Why are you so slow?” Seungmin questioned me when I finally managed to stand next to him and Felix. 
“She had to take Jisung’s knot all week,” Amelia responded, overhearing our conversation as she plopped the smallest pup down in the middle of her brothers. 
Seungmin wrinkled his nose. “I thought you smelled differently.”
“She smells like Jisung,” Amelia said, sighing happily as she watched the three pups play. “And he was clingy this morning.”
“He’s always like that,” I rolled my eyes, quietly surveying the remainder of our packmates attending to their various responsibilities. “Aren’t you two supposed to be on patrol?”
“Chan sent NCT members on the morning patrol,” Felix said. “I think I’m going out tonight.”
“I got the day off,” Seungmin bragged, wincing when one of the pups rolled into his leg. 
Amelia grinned. “You’ll need it after this.”
“What?” Seungmin brushed it off, glaring down at the pup who had rejoined his siblings. “I can handle pups.”
“Mina has kept them inside,” Felix remarked. “I don’t blame her, but they’ve probably grown restless.”
“I haven’t noticed,” Amelia snarked, brightening immediately when she spotted Hyunjin walking our way. “Jinnie!”
Hyunjin cautiously approached, dutifully avoiding the energetic pups racing between his long legs. “What are you four doing?”
Amelia whined as she wrapped her arms around Hyunjin. “Jinnie,” Amelia said. “I don’t want pups anymore.”
Hyunjin chuckled, glancing over at the hyperactive trio. “What made you change your mind?”
“They’re little demons,” she growled, leaning in to scent her mate. 
“You liked them when they were younger,” he said, kneeling down to wrangle Leo into his arms. “You were begging Woojin to take you off the pill.”
Amelia blushed. “They were cuter then.”
“And they aren’t anymore?” Hyunjin asked, lifting Leo into the air, the pup giggling at Hyunjin’s playful display of strength. 
“I’ve had the same change of heart,” I nodded, shivering as I imagined being responsible for three pups with no reprieve. 
“Good luck with that,” Seungmin snickered. “Changbin’s been talking about having pups. You might break his heart if you tell him no.”
“Well,” I grumbled. “He doesn’t understand what he’s getting us into.”
“Little miracles,” Felix cooed, lowering himself to his knees as he invited the other two 
pups into an impromptu wrestling match, rolling around on the ground as the pups shrieked with delight at having such a willing punching bag.
“You should be careful,” a new voice interrupted and I cautiously bowed my head respectfully as Chan joined our group. He offered me nothing more than a cursory glance as he glanced between Felix and Hyunjin. “Why aren’t you resting for tonight?”
“Oh, come on Channie,” Felix giggled, touching his nose delicately to each pup. “We’re just having fun.”
“They should be inside,” Chan continued sternly, ignoring Felix’s frown. “It’s irresponsible to take them outside.” 
“I’m sorry Chan,” Amelia immediately tried to rectify. “We were watching them.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Chan insisted sharply and I bristled at the tone he directed at my best friend. “It’s dangerous with the rogues around.”
“Chan,” I snarled his name. “That’s enough.”
The others immediately fell silent as Chan turned his attention to me, eyes narrowed in disbelief. “Take them back inside,” he directed as if intentionally disregarding me.
Hyunjin held onto Leo tighter as he and Amelia retreated into Mina’s cabin. Felix and Seungmin grabbed the other two pups, hesitantly glancing between Chan and me. I ignored their obvious concern, nodding towards the cabin to redirect the pair. However, before I could follow them, I felt Chan reach out to grab my wrist, holding me in place. “Let’s talk,” he ordered briskly, and I reluctantly allowed him to guide me away from the others. 
I supposed I was done babysitting for the day.
Chan brought us to the edge of the woods, releasing my wrist as he slowly backed away. “Well?” I prodded, even knowing that such a short retort would likely ignite his temper.
But Chan calmly held his ground. “You know better than to question my authority as alpha.”
“You weren’t being an alpha,” I said. “You were being a bully. Amelia didn’t deserve that treatment.”
“I’m trying to keep this pack safe,” Chan defended himself. “There’s a reason why I’ve been so busy lately.”
“As I could possibly forget,” I returned. “All you worry about are the rogues.”
Chan scoffed. “Are you suggesting I should forget about them?”
“I’m suggesting that you shouldn’t forget your duty as alpha means more than protecting our borders,” I said. “You also have a responsibility for the well-being of our pack, but you’ve decided to neglect them. I haven’t seen you once visit the wolves in the infirmary and you used to visit our sick every day! And you force our pack members on patrols three times a day which leaves everyone feeling tired and drained. You’ve caused a rift between you, Jisung, and Changbin, and you don’t even bother to do anything about it.” I took a deep breath, collecting my thoughts. “And I’m pretty sure that’s the first time you’ve ever visited Mina’s pups! Don’t you think it reflects badly on our pack when its alpha doesn’t care about our future? Plus, you’ve been ignoring your own mate. I only see you in passing and most of the time we argue like we’re doing right now!”
Chan was silent after I finished my unexpected tirade. The alpha’s expression was difficult to read, but his posture was resolutely tense. Finally, Chan addressed my grievances: “Everything I’m doing is for our pack, and I’m hurt that you would think otherwise.”
“Channie-”
“Myah,” Chan continued sternly. “I don’t have time to talk about this right now, but I expect to see you in my cabin tonight because there’s a lot we need to discuss.”
-------------------------------------------------------------
After
Woojin was a great healer, but I was beginning to lose my confidence in his abilities the longer I paced outside the infirmary, worried for my mate who suffered inside. “Myah,” Jisung tried, watching my movements. “You know Chan wouldn’t be happy if he knew you were this upset over him.”
“He’s hurt,” I whined pathetically because what Jisung didn’t understand was the amount of guilt I possessed over my earlier confrontation with the alpha in question. What if that was the last thing I was ever able to say to Chan? How could I live with myself knowing I decided to berate him for being a terrible alpha right before he was set to go out on a dangerous patrol?
“You need to relax, angel,” Changbin said, patting the empty space on the bench between himself and Jisung. 
I didn’t deserve it, but I also couldn’t stand the idea of disappointing another mate. Changbin and Jisung were too good to me, releasing sweet alpha pheromones that worked at the tension in my body despite my overwhelming guilt. I hadn’t even realized my tears until Jisung’s thumb gently smoothed beneath my eyes. “Why are you so upset, princess?” he asked and that only made me want to cry even more.
However, instead of answering, I buried myself into Jisung’s neck, scenting him heavily as I tried to forget about everything that was happening. “This isn’t like you,” Changbin said, hand resting comfortably on top of my thigh. “Chan will be okay.”
“What if he’s not?” I cried, sniffling against Jisung’s shoulder. I felt bad that I was ruining his shirt.
“Is that what you’re worried about?” Changbin questioned. “Angel, Woojin said that the wound wasn’t that deep. He’s probably just being extra careful so Chan can heal faster.”
“He deserves better than me,” I said, the remark slipping free like the steady flow of tears swelling the round arches of my cheeks. 
“Princess,” Jisung inserted, grabbing my chin to force my attention. “Why do you think that? What happened?”
I stared into Jisung’s kind brown eyes, wanting desperately to purge all my nasty insecurities. Thankfully, the welcome appearance of Woojin paused that unpleasant conversation. “Chan is fine,” Woojin said, wiping the sweat from his brow. “You can see him if you want. He’s a little groggy from the pain medicine.”
“He’s okay?” I asked, shoulders deflating as a resounding sensation of relief banished all the tension from my heart. 
I didn’t even register what I was doing until I was crushing Woojin against my body, thanking him over and over again as the bigger alpha let out a nervous chuckle, gently prying me away. “It’s my job?”
“Come on, angel,” Changbin chuckled, ushering me into Chan’s room.  
I swallowed hard as I wavered in the doorway, my other two mates joining Chan on either side of his bed. “How are you feeling, Chan?” Jisung asked, clicking his tongue as he surveyed Chan’s disheveled appearance. 
“You look like shit,” Changbin said, grimacing as he took in the unexpected appearance of Chan’s messy curls. 
“M’ tired,” Chan replied, eyes rolling over Jisung before attempting a similar appraisal of Changbin. “Where am I?”
“You’re in the infirmary,” Jisung said. “Your patrol was attacked at the border.”
“That doesn’t seem right,” Chan replied. “When did this happen?”
Changbin snorted. “What kind of medicine did Woojin give you?”
Chan ignored Changbin, sniffing the air with interest. “Myah?”
I was startled at the mention of my name, reluctantly dragging my feet to the end of Chan’s bed to gaze down at the alpha nervously. However, surprisingly, Chan didn’t immediately demand an apology for our earlier argument, instead, he let out an uncharacteristic whine as he held out his hands. “Come closer.”
I edged past Changbin, joining Chan at the side of his bed. “Are you okay, Channie?”
The alpha disregarded my question, grabbing onto my arm as he attempted to weakly pull me towards him. “Not close enough.”
I was practically bent over the rails of the bed, allowing Chan to sniff eagerly at my scent gland. I let out a growl as Changbin smacked my ass, glaring at the other alpha who was obviously quite pleased with himself. Jisung chuckled at our exchange. “Are you done asserting your alpha dominance?”
Changbin frowned. “As if you’re any better.”
The two were quietly bickering as Chan’s lips brushed across my ear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered whilst sounding perfectly sensible, and I knew exactly what he was apologizing for. 
“Me too,” I replied, leaving a sweet kiss at the edge of his lips.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 9
I was dreaming, but it felt more like a memory. 
Because I was home again. Not the home I shared with my mates and our pack, but the home I associated with my parents and the sweet smell of honeysuckle flowers in the backyard. The kind of home that always made me think exclusively of my most innocent occasions with Chan, misbehaving as we daringly climbed the highest trees and swam in the river despite its overpowering current. A home I knew before I would mate three alpha wolves who would have a profound effect on the person I would become.
But the memory was wrong. For example, Jisung and Changbin were there too and my mates were never around my home when we were younger. We were also older and that was wrong too because I never returned home after I left for the first and last time. However, the differences were strange and I felt like there was something important I was forgetting. Ignoring the feeling of tension while the four of us acted like pups again as we mischievously chose to play in our wolf forms. We nipped at each other’s legs, running through the fields despite the eerie sight of a thick fog curling through the woods. 
I stopped in the middle of our game. The fog was wrapping itself around my legs, climbing the full expanse of my height. I shifted back because my wolf was somehow distant from me, warning me to do something that I didn’t understand. I felt trapped, unable to move or even call out to my mates who had returned to see why I was no longer participating in the game. But their voices sounded distant, muddled and obscured by something invisible. I was afraid because everything was rapidly changing and there was nothing to stop the inevitable.
And then I was alone because the fog and my mates were gone. But somehow this was worse and I fell to my knees because I didn’t know what else to do. What if they abandoned me? What if I was forced to live alone for the rest of my life? I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. I wanted to do something but I felt a tight pull demanding my attention.
A little pup was watching me. His blue eyes, which reminded me so much of Chan, were distant. I reached out for the little pup, beckoning it closer. We were both in danger, I could feel it in the bone-chilling breeze that ruffled my hair. But the little pup did not move from its spot and I could do nothing from mine. “You can do it,” I encouraged the pup, but my whispery tone was lost in the cataclysmic space separating us.
I saw red eyes next, glowing bright and sinister. An obvious evil that wanted to hurt me and the little pup I was failing to protect. The wolf they belonged to was targeting the little pup who refused to move from its spot. I whimpered pathetically, desperately trying to reach the stubborn pup who seemed insistent on staying where it was. “You can’t save it,” the wolf snarled at me. “You can’t save any of them.”
Suddenly, there were dozens of wolves surrounding us, moving in closer with predatory steps, haunches raised as they prepared to attack. “Please,” I begged the pup, but it was now watching the wolf who had spoken before.
“They tried to protect it,” the wolf growled, stepping aside as three of my aggressors proceeded forward. At first, it was difficult to discern their shapes because of the thick shadows, but as they came closer, the light revealed the sickening truth. I had never seen Jisung so lifeless before, eyes closed and throat scarlet red as the wolf dropped his limp body next to the little pup who only seemed puzzled by the sight. 
“Daddy?” the little pup questioned, nuzzling its tiny nose against Jisung.
Changbin was left next to Jisung and he appeared to be in far worse condition, dark hair matted with mud and clothes soiled with blood. I had never seen my mate look so weak before. “Why won’t he wake up?” the little pup asked me, pressing a tiny paw against Changbin’s shoulder. But my mate did not respond.
And I was beyond reason because I knew they were both gone.
Yet, at the same time, nothing could possibly compare to the utter anguish I experienced when Chan finally came into view. My oldest friend, my first love, who never gave up and defied all odds and expectations, was being pulled across the ground by the collar of his tattered shirt. 
I had never seen my mate look so defeated before. “Channie,” my voice cracked, and I was lost to my grief because I was nothing without the three of them.
“Is he tired?” the little pup asked, burying itself against Chan’s side despite the horrifying amount of blood seeping through the fabric. “He smells different.”
“Binnie?” I desperately tried. “Sungie?”
“Mommy,” the pup finally summoned me, eyes reflecting wisdom that defied its years. “Aren’t they coming back?”
I couldn’t breathe, holding back something between a sob and a shout. But the torrential river of tears had already escaped without my consent, staining my cheeks and the well-worn neckline of my favorite sweater. “What have you done?”
I directed the question at the menacing wolf who clearly held responsibility for all the pain and grief I was expressing. The wolf snarled, teeth coated with their blood. “There’s nothing you can do to stop it! They’re coming for you, Myah.”
-------------------------------------------------------------
I jerked awake, eyes wide open as heavy breaths filled my screaming lungs. I stifled a cry, slapping my hand over my mouth as the familiar sight of my bedroom came into focus. A single tear spilled free when I realized that Changbin was lying next to me. I immediately placed a hand over his chest, relieved when I could feel the way it rose and fell with the life coursing through his veins. My mate was still asleep and he looked incredibly peaceful, skin glowing with color and an obvious absence of red from any trace of his body. “Binnie,” I delicately whispered, ready to burrow myself against his warmth and demand his attention. But Changbin deserved to sleep, despite the countless times he had assured me that he would never be upset if I woke him after a nightmare. Instead, I decided to take a walk, even if I knew it was dangerous without one of my mates to escort me along the perimeter of our territory. 
I needed fresh air.
Thus, despite the sweat caking my hair to the back of my neck, chilling me when I stepped into the cold night, I made my decision. I shivered, tightening my grip on the lapels of my sweater. I started in the direction of the woods, where the rogues had never been sighted, deciding that I could walk to the edge and back before Changbin had a chance to realize I was gone. It was a good plan because I was still suffering from the pain of my recent nightmare, body convulsing slightly as I wiped away the salty drops from my cheeks.
I hummed to myself, emptying my mind of everything, but especially the nightmare, as I noisily crunched the permafrost decorating the grass beneath my feet. It was really nice, breathing in the fresh air as I worked my muscles loose. When I first came to the pack, I always took walks by myself before going to sleep. They were a surefire guarantee to relieve my body’s tension. Perhaps I should reconsider incorporating them back into my routine.
When the woods finally came into focus, I felt a tremor of fear as images from my nightmare flooded my mind without my conscious dictation. But everything felt so incredibly real and I could only stand the sight of the trees for a few seconds before I was already turning back around. I missed Changbin’s warmth and his scent would be just as reassuring as the fresh air had been.
A low growl sounded from behind me.
I froze to the spot, whipping around so fast that my hair flew into my line of vision. I could make out their forms in the trees, glowing eyes seeking out my vulnerable person. Instinctively, I shifted into my wolf form, snarling at the shadows threatening the peace of our camp. 
But I was greatly outnumbered. 
There were at least a dozen wolves shaking themselves of the precipitation from the vegetation they had escaped from. They surrounded me completely, leaving no room for a possible escape. I was terrified, but I put on a brave front, hoping to intimidate them into abandoning what they probably suspected to be easy prey.
The biggest wolf, who I assumed to be the alpha, approached me first. He tasted the air, eyes widening in interest as his claws dug into the dirt. “Don’t you know there are rogues at your borders?”
“This isn’t your territory,” I reminded him, snapping my teeth at a different wolf who dared a step in our direction.
“For now,” the alpha wolf insisted smugly, appraising me like I was something he wanted. “What’s a she-wolf doing out here on her own?”
“An omega too,” the wolf I previously snapped at deduced, sniffing the air aggressively. 
“She would be perfect for me, Jaemin,” the alpha grumbled, making me feel small in comparison to his proud stature.
“Jeno needs a mate,” Jaemin continued, eyes locked on my quivering wolf as he started circling me. “Know anyone for the job?”
Jeno snickered, coming in closer. My wolf instinctually lowered herself to the ground, whimpering when the bigger alpha loomed over top. So much for my bravery. “Maybe I’ll just take you.”
“I’m already mated,” I tried but Jeno just laughed.
“I’ll ruin their claim on you,” Jeno growled, forcing his nose against my scent gland. “You won’t be able to fight it, isn’t that right, Renjun?”
The summoned wolf emerged from the group, defending his alpha. “You’re just an omega.”
“A she-wolf,” Jaemin added. “You don’t stand a chance against us.”
“I could just take you now,” Jeno continued, rutting against me and my wolf howled in protest. “It would be better if you submit.”
“Maybe we can kill your alphas,” Jaemin suggested. “Then you’ll have nowhere to go.”
“Please don’t hurt them,” I begged the rogue wolves who were likely beyond reason.
“We’ll do whatever we want,” Jaemin sneered. “This is our territory now.”
There was a chorus of agreement from the other gathered wolves.
“And they had the audacity to call our former packmates?” Renjun shook his head, his wolf pawing at the ground. “None of you stand a chance.”
The threatening wolves seemed so self-assured, releasing intimidating snarls and growls as they maintained their lines. Jeno leaned down, sniffing at my lower half. “This one is almost in heat.”
“Take her now,” Jaemin insisted, wolf releasing a whine as he paced back and forth. He was anxious to see his alpha exert his dominance.
“Make the claim,” Renjun encouraged him and I had never been more afraid.
But I still had the wherewithal to consider my circumstances, ignoring the way Jeno started to sniff his way across my fur. I didn’t want to give myself to the horrible alpha wolf, but there was nothing I could do to stop his ego. My only option was to agree to his advances, especially if I could also help my pack.
“If you leave my pack alone,” I interrupted the two wolves. “I’ll come with you without a fight.”
Jaemin paused and Jeno seemed to consider the offer. “Where would we go? This territory belongs to us.”
“There are weaker packs in the surrounding valley,” I insisted, feeling ashamed to dismiss another pack so easily. “They wouldn’t see you coming.”
“Is that so?” Jeno asked. 
“Don’t listen to her,” Jaemin growled. “We already have the advantage. Their pathetic alpha almost lost his head when he tried to stand up to you.”
“Our alpha is stronger than ever,” I lied. “My pack has formed a formidable alliance. They’re prepared to attack and kill your wolves. You could avoid that confrontation and find easier hunting grounds further north.”
Jeno’s tail lashed harshly from behind him. “Will you come with us tonight, then?”
“Tomorrow night,” I tried, utilizing every argument my fear-ridden mind could conjure up to try and dissuade the obvious threat. Because if they attacked our camp, how many of my packmates would be killed? Would someone like Jeno have mercy on Mina’s pups? 
My sacrifice could save them all.
Jeno was quiet for a while, ignoring his packmate’s impatience. Finally, he conceded and I had never felt so relieved. “Alright, omega, if you come with us tomorrow night, then we’ll leave your pack alone.”
It was a worthy exchange, and I would be glad to risk my life.
“I promise,” I agreed. “As long as you keep your word.”
Jeno growled. “I always keep my word.”
-------------------------------------------------------------
I returned to my cabin shaking from head to toe. I had formally made an agreement with a rogue alpha to leave my pack in exchange for his. If my mates knew of this exchange, then they would immediately do everything in their power to change the end result. However, for once in my life, I wanted to do something for them.
I shakily crawled back into bed next to Changbin, willing the tension to leave my body. Surely, my mate would detect my heightened anxiety through our bond? I didn’t want Changbin to worry or ask any unnecessary questions.
“Did you leave, angel?” Changbin’s voice abruptly asked, voice groggy as he wrapped an arm around my waist.
“No,” I lied, gradually feeling his breathing even off as he returned to sleep. It wasn’t the first time I had ever lied to Changbin, but it might possibly be the most profound utterance of my entire existence.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I couldn’t think of a better way to honor my mates for the endless love and affection they always reserved for me. They were always there to help and support me, even if it led to embittered fights between the trio. Thankfully, I could at least rest easy with the knowledge that the four of us had seemingly settled into an easy situation despite the threat of the rogues. It was a good time to leave when everything was so perfect because I could always remember them this way. It was enough to instill the courage I needed to carry out my promise to Jeno. 
The following morning, I made sure to spend as much time with my mates as possible. I gave the morning to Changbin, waking up next to him and wrapping my hand loosely around his cock. Changbin was sweet, sleep still heavy in his eyelids as he fucked me, and I ran my hands across his dark skin, trying to memorize the way it felt.
I spent the afternoon with Jisung, the two of us playing together behind his cabin before we laid out a blanket on the grass. I let Jisung cook for me, even though he was rather horrible at in the kitchen, but I complimented his food. I even let him feed me since he enjoyed it so much. I always found it humiliating, but I knew it made him feel like he was taking care of me and I wanted him to feel like he was a perfect alpha.
It was harder to meet Chan that evening, enjoying the meal he prepared for us. As I sat across from him at the table, I studied his features closely hoping to keep a photographic equivalent locked safely away for me to summon at a whim’s notice. Chan hardly noticed my weird behavior, talking about how little they had seen of the rogues all day. I knew that was my doing, but it was validating to know that they would keep their word.
And since Chan was feeling better after his accident, I desperately wanted him to fuck me. It was easy to convince him, smashing kisses to every available surface of his countenance, releasing pheromones I knew he couldn’t resist. Despite the hurried way he tried to progress our lovemaking, I insisted on a slower pace, wanting to feel Chan’s fingers as they brushed across my skin. I needed his lips and teeth to leave marks against my collarbones, bruising the delicate skin around my scent gland.
I freed him from his shirt, enjoying his kisses while I worked hard to map out his body. I wanted to know every muscle and bone that built his torso, the pale skin that reminded me of the fresh snow in the mountains. I ran my hands across his abdomen, tracing the faint trail of dark hair that disappeared beneath the waistband of his jeans.
There was so much of Chan to love and I wanted him to feel like he was the most important alpha in the world.
I handled his cock with as much care as possible, thumbing across his foreskin, watching the precum glistening at his tip. I decided to taste him, hoping to memorize that as well because I would miss every part of him when I was gone. The impossible swell of his knot, the dips my tongue encountered on their sensual journey along the velvety flesh. “Channie,” I purred happily, feeling him deep in my throat.
I could always remember that.
“Myah,” Chan’s voice was soft and affectionate. He undressed me leisurely, falling into the pace I set, kissing my skin reverently while making me feel like I was the most treasured thing in his life. I recalled an earlier conversation from dinner, remembering the way Chan spoke about the possibility of having pups of our own: “You’ll be glowing,” he praised. “I’ll have more of you to worship.”
“Whatever you want,” I replied even though I hated the fact that I couldn’t fulfill his request.
I choked on a sob as Chan’s cock suddenly penetrated between my legs. He groaned above me, scent heady and powerful as he pressed inside, connecting the two of us in the most intimate way possible. I wanted to stay like that forever, locked together with Chan, his knot holding us in place while he fervently praised me, words forming the most beautiful sentences.
“More,” I demanded of him, which might be selfish, but Chan was never one to deny me anything.
“Whatever you want,” he said in reply, quickening his pace, hips drumming against mine as the sound joined our harmony of moans.
“Please,” I cried, tightening my grip on his curls because they were lovely when I could feel them between my fingers.
“I love you,” Chan whispered, cock hitting perfectly as his tongue traced against my scent gland. 
I was crying, but perhaps Chan thought it was out of pleasure as opposed to the impending sacrifice weighing heavily on my subconscious. “I love you so much,” I hiccuped, moaning as I felt his knot catch, dragging heavily as he continued to thrust his hips.
“You’re mine,” Chan continued, chanting my name. “So beautiful.”
“Channie,” I whined, stuttering when he attempted to pull out one last time. He faced resistance from the knot, but he was strong enough to continue. 
Chan was always the strongest because his heart was pure and loving.
“You’ll make a great mother,” Chan whispered and I lost all inhibitions as he finally stilled his movements. He moaned as he rested his head against my chest, curls soft as he found where we were connected. I kissed the damp skin of his forehead, reaching down to thumb along the exposed flesh of his swollen knot causing him to shiver above me. “Feels so good,” he slurred, mouthing across my scent gland, toned shoulders flexing as he lowered himself to fit against the expanse of my throat. 
“You feel good,” I praised him, running my hands up and down the smooth skin of his back, pausing at the dip in his spine. 
“I’ve missed you,” Chan purred happily, content to nip at my scent gland while I savored the sensation of being completely obscured by his overwhelming warmth. Chan always made me feel safe because he was always willing to do whatever was necessary to ensure my well-being. I was grateful for everything he had given me, but I knew it was time to give something back.
Chan was slowly losing himself to the promise of sleep, and I could feel his hold loosening around my waist. I knew Jeno would be waiting, but I didn’t want Chan to suspect anything. Even if he noticed my absence in the middle of the night, I wanted to be long gone before he could possibly find me and change my mind.
Because my mates had spent their entire lives protecting me, so now it was time I tried protecting them.
I waited until Chan was fully unconscious before I quietly left the room.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 10
When I was still in high school, a group of jealous omega girls started openly targeting me as the primary recipient of their endless bullying. Apparently, the idea of having three alpha mates was incredibly taboo in our pack, especially given how young we were. Sure, there were plenty of instances of omegas mating with one or two alphas in other packs, but three? And it was impossible to forget how rare my situation was when our classmates enjoyed reminding me. 
In actuality, I should have known that they were hurting me out of jealousy as opposed to some sort of personal vendetta against an omega who had already mated three alphas. For example, the leader of this group of petty female nuances happened to be the same girl Changbin abandoned the night he mated me. And two of her friends had previously spent their heats with Jisung before I was even in the picture. But whatever the reason, I was always deeply offended when they would taunt me in the hallways or leave behind some sort of reminder that they despised my circumstances.
Like those horrible notes they left in my locker
I carefully unfolded the pristine white square, smoothing out the creases. “The school’s biggest slut,” I read aloud while trying to ignore the way my wolf bristled at the insinuation.
“At least you’ve acknowledged it,” a reckless female voice mocked from next to me. I glanced up wearily as she joined her friends at the lockers behind mine. 
I looked back down at the note despite the fact that the words had started swimming together in front of me. It was difficult to make out the letters and I felt absolutely horrible as I picked up their whispered insults. It was all too much for me to handle because I had never faced this level of derision before, especially from those who were supposedly my pack members.
“Angel.”
I quickly folded the note and stuffed it inside of a textbook before Changbin could see the harsh words. I turned around, hoping I looked more put together than I felt, unresisting when Changbin pulled me closer by the hips. “You smell good,” he remarked, leaning in closer. 
From over his shoulder, I spotted the young group of girls frowning in our direction. “I thought you were busy.”
“I’m never too busy for you,” he purred cheesily. “You shouldn’t be at school this close to your heat, angel. How can we take care of you here?”
I could hear their giggles in the background. “You never want to help,” I said bitterly, ignoring the way Changbin’s expression fell. 
“Angel,” Changbin continued delicately, “are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I muttered. “I can’t be late for class.”
“But if you aren’t feeling well...”
“I promise I’m okay,” I dismissed his concerns.
“Let me take you to class.”
“I can walk by myself,” I retorted, reaching back to slam my locker door shut. 
I knew I had hurt Changbin, but I couldn’t stop thinking about those filthy notes or the taunting insults and dirty looks my classmates gave me in the hallways. Those omega girls had no idea how wrong they were in turning everyone against me. They only cared about getting a reaction, and I wasn’t strong enough to deny them.
“Angel,” Changbin tried again, but I was already walking in the opposite direction.
I ate lunch alone because I was tired of dealing with the rest of my classmates, and I knew that nobody wanted to deal with me. It had become a tentative arrangement, an unspoken agreement that they would leave me alone if I sat as far away from civilization as possible. Normally, I would refuse to sit alone, but I didn’t have the desire to continue fighting when I was the only enemy.
I glanced out the window, watching the way the rain fell against the glass. My wolf longed to escape the oppressive atmosphere of our school life, and I had never wanted the shift more. I could practically feel my muscles aching, desiring nothing more than to let my wolf take control and run us back home where I felt safe.
I suddenly raised my head when I detected a familiar scent. It was graciously soothing...
“Hello, princess!” 
Jisung’s voice was charming as he sat next to me. “I switched lunch periods. Changbin said you weren’t feeling well.”
I rolled my eyes. “He’s exaggerating.”
“Well,” Jisung started, tossing down his tray, “I still worry.”
“I don’t want you to worry about me,” I said, sighing as I slowly started the process of dividing my vegetables into the remaining compartments of my lunch tray.
Jisung watched me carefully. “How was class?”
“Boring,” I told him honestly, wincing when my spoon scratched against the metal underside.
“I thought you liked your art class?”
“The teacher put on a film today,” I explained. “I was seconds away from falling asleep.”
“Is that why you look so down?” Jisung asked, shuffling in closer to me. 
I could feel his familiar warmth.
Jisung grabbed my spoon, filling it with the school’s flimsy excuse for nutrition. “Princess,” Jisung continued, holding out a spoonful of vegetables. 
A nearby duo of alphas had started observing our exchanges. The look in their eyes was one of silent judgment. “I’m not hungry,” I insisted, ignoring his offering.
Jisung frowned, lowering the food. “What’s wrong, princess?”
“I have a lot to do,” I said. “I need to talk to my teachers since I’ll be out for my heat.”
“That’s right,” Jisung said, eyes brightening. “When do you want me to come over?”
“I’ll let you know,” I said, suddenly feeling the desire to escape the dining room before the two of us attracted more attention. Yet, while attempting to stand up from the table, I was unprepared for the sudden headrush, stumbling to the side. 
An unfortunate side effect of my impending heat hormones.
But Jisung was there to hold me close, scenting me gently while my vision slowly stabilized. Nevertheless, I still heard the whispers from the surrounding tables. Why was everyone being so infuriating?
“Jisung,” I hissed, stepping out of his embrace. The alphas sitting next to our table snickered as they watched the two of us. 
“Did I hurt you, princess?” Jisung fretted, hands anxiously wandering down my arms. 
“No,” I fidgeted, taking another step back. “I just don’t feel good.”
“Are you cramping?” Jisung questioned and my face heated because he had said it so loudly. It felt like every pair of eyes in the dining room were looking in our direction.
“Don’t say that,” I urged him.
“Is it that bad?” Jisung asked, voice quieter. “Do you want me to take you home, princess?”
“It’s nothing,” I insisted, reaching down for my textbook. 
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No,” I said quickly, perhaps with more reprimation than I intended. Jisung was so easily breakable and I knew my words would hurt him. Which is why I didn’t stick around to make things worse than they already were.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Since our bond was still relatively fresh, I usually sought after Chan at various points throughout the day. Even if it was for just a brief moment, the two of us would scent one another between classes to appease our demanding wolves. Usually, it was I who often cornered Chan and sought his attention. Today, however, it was Chan who found me, grabbing my hand and pulling me inside an empty classroom. 
Chan studied me for a brief moment, blue eyes searching. Then, he cautiously bared his neck, and I took the time to ensure that we were truly alone before I scented him enough to feel the bond settle back down into place. But that wasn’t enough for Chan.
“Something’s wrong,” Chan said, an observation as opposed to a question. “Changbin and Jisung said you weren’t feeling well.”
“I told them I was fine,” I snapped.
Chan raised one brow in question. “I don’t think you are.”
“It’s just my heat,” I insisted, jerking back when he attempted to fit his palm against my forehead.
Chan frowned. “You’re not acting like yourself.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m not usually close to heat.”
“I don’t think that’s why,” Chan reasoned and I cursed his intuitiveness. The alpha knew me better than most after a lifetime of close friendship.
“Don’t make me tell you,” I begged and Chan startled at the raw vulnerability I allowed in my tone.
“Now I’m worried,” Chan said, reaching out for my hand which I allowed him to take.
“I’ll figure it out,” I offered vaguely. “There’s nothing you can to do help.”
“Not if you don’t ask,” Chan countered, resting his forehead against mine.
“I can’t this time,” I said. “I have to be the one to fix this.”
“You know I don’t like that, Myah,” he said. “If I can’t help you as a mate, then I’m breaking my promise.”
“You can’t know,” I trembled.
“Why?”
“Because you’d be furious and irrational,” I said, startling when Chan abruptly pulled away.
“This sounds bad.”
“It really isn’t the worst thing that could happen,” I said. “You should focus on building the new pack. The four of us graduate soon.”
“Will you be out for your heat tomorrow?” Chan asked. “Your scent is spiking.”
“I’ll come to school one more day.”
“Can it be fixed before your heat?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “But I promise I’ll be okay. Please just worry about the new pack.”
“You’re my first priority,” Chan reminded me gently, thumbing across my lips.
“Not this time,” I said, brushing my fingers across his cheek. “Let me handle this problem.”
I held the alpha’s demanding gaze, but it was always difficult to convince Chan to submit.
“Okay,” Chan reluctantly agreed. “But if you keep acting like this, then you have to tell me.”
“I promise,” I said even as the lie weighed heavily over my heart.
-------------------------------------------------------------
The next morning, I arrived at school early feeling absolutely horrible. It was a terrible mistake to come to school that day. I was feverish and sickly, sweat dotting my forehead in an unappealing way, and I knew my heat was right on the precipice. I could barely sleep, bombarded by vivid dreams of my three mates, salivating at the image of their thick knots.
I shook myself from my headspace, hurrying to my locker to exchange textbooks. I was quickly growing more and more assured that I had made a bad decision about leaving my house. Thankfully, I knew that I could likely convince Jisung to take me home after lunch since we shared a class.
Reassured by this development, I opened my locker door, immediately noticing the folded note waiting on top of my math textbook. I let out a sigh as I opened the paper, reading the sentences carefully. And each subsequent line slowly broke my resolve the more I read my classmates’ spiteful comments.
“There you are!”
I ignored him at first, too swept away by the note. My wolf howled in outrage, demanding she take control and show those girls why they should mind their own business. But I couldn’t let her go because I would lose complete independence so close to my heat.
I grimaced at the note’s message, ignoring the way Jisung lingered, confusion evident in his expression. “Princess?”
I took off down the hallway without another word.
-------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to do something about it, meet us during lunch in the gym.
I was shaking, rage overcoming every action as I stormed down the hallway. My fever was out of control and my entire body felt overheated. Yet, I didn’t hesitate at the opportunity to confront those omega girls. I had promised Chan I’d try to take care of the problem and this was my chance.
I easily spotted the five omega girls waiting inside the gym. My vision was narrowed, focusing only on the girls who had made my life so unbearable recently. But I didn’t want to be miserable anymore, I would end things once and for all.
“You came,” one of the girls remarked as if she was genuinely shocked to see me.
I held up the note to remind her. “You invited me.”
“We didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to show up,” the leader teased, starting slowly in my direction. “Where are your little guards?”
“Maybe she let them off their leashes,” the first girl giggled.
“What a slut,” the leader smirked. “Do you just spread your legs so that they can take their turn with you?”
“Or maybe she has a preference,” another added. “I know Changbin likes it rough.”
My chest heaved as I took a deep breath. “How are you gonna keep them satisfied?”
“Eventually, they’ll get tired of sharing,” the first omega said. “You’ll be left alone and nobody will want a slut.”
For some reason, now that I was here, my entire demeanor had shifted. I no longer felt angry, my wolf was unusually quiet, and my heat symptoms had settled. But I had also lost my fire, my drive to control the five girls and now I couldn’t find the right words. Instead, I was silent, allowing them to insult me while I no longer felt the urge to do anything about it.
I allowed the five of them to corner me against the wall, wedged between hard concrete and an angry aggregation of omega females. The leader took a step closer, eyeing the mark on my neck. “Everyone knows Changbin only marked you because he was in a rut.”
Her friends laughed at the comment. 
“What should we do, ladies?” the leader continued. “How do we make the little slut pay?”
“I don’t know,” one of the others contributed. “She must have a high tolerance for pain if she can take three knots.”
More snickering. “Should we test it?”
The first slap was jarring, snapping my neck to the side. I could feel the reminder, stinging the raw skin of my right cheek. “Pathetic,” the leader snarled. “How much more can you take?”
“I think you might want to reconsider,” a dangerous voice growled.
The lead omega let go of me so fast that it was almost imperceptible. Suddenly, there were familiar scents overtaking the nasty smell of those horrible girls. I opened my eyes, watching the omega leader whine submissively as Chan bared his teeth.
A warning.
“Do you think you can do this?” Chan continued. “What gives you the right?”
“Chan,” the leader tried, “we didn’t mean anything by it!”
“You tried to hurt my mate,” Chan snapped. “That means you tried to hurt us too.”
“And you put your hands on her?” Changbin added eyes darkened considerably. 
“You’re the ones who deserve to feel pain,” Jisung inserted, and I was taken aback by the hostility in my mate’s words. I had never heard Jisung sound so confrontational before. His threat was frightening and I could feel its authenticity which prompted me into action.
I carefully reached for Jisung, wrapping my hand around his bicep. His expression shifted, shoulders relaxing. “Just let them go.”
Jisung turned to look at me. “Let them go?”
“Not after what they did,” Changbin insisted, fully prepared to follow through on their words.
Thankfully, Chan seemed more aware of what I wanted. “Get out of here,” he said coldly, watching me even while his dismissive tone was addressed to the five omega girls who hesitated as their leader froze.
But Changbin’s resounding growl sent the girls scampering in the other direction. 
Meanwhile, Chan’s hand settled on my shoulder, urging me to come closer. My head thudded hard against Chan’s powerful chest, tears ruining the fabric of his t-shirt. I was shaking, hands clenched together while I swallowed painfully.
I could feel Changbin and Jisung’s presence, anxiously worried as they felt the full force of my frustration. “You should have told me,” Chan said, holding me close. “You didn’t deserve any of that.”
“Those girls,” Changbin started, voice thick with anger, “they’re the sluts.”
“How long?” Chan inquired, fingers lovely as they sorted through the strands of my hair.
“A while,” I offered vaguely, more concerned with the deliciously familiar scent of my alpha mate as I nosed along his collarbone. I could feel Changbin behind me, hands familiar on my hips. 
“I’m sorry, angel.”
Jisung’s lips brushed across my temple. “You can’t keep these things from us.”
However, above everything else, Chan’s voice was distinct and clear, reassuring and familiar.
“We’ll always keep you safe, Myah.”
-------------------------------------------------------------
Present
I wanted to be brave, but I had never quite felt this helpless before. 
It had only been a day since I had abandoned my pack, but I was already miserable. Sadly, there was nobody around to support me this time. I was the outsider here while the other omega girls scampered around their rogue pack members. In fact, two of them were begging for Jaemin’s attention, submitting easily to their desires as he flirted. It was strange to watch the exchange considering the harsh way Jaemin had talked down to me.
I was brought back to reality by Jeno’s unwanted touch.
He traced the outline of Changbin’s mating mark. “These will have to go,” he said dismissively.
I trembled despite the close proximity of the fire. 
“Fuck her good, Jeno,” Jaemin sneered, holding his two omegas close. 
“She won’t be able to walk when I’m done with her,” Jeno promised, nipping at my ear. 
“Do it soon because they might be able to track her,” Rejun suddenly inserted, gaze cautious as he glanced around our unorthodox camp set-up. 
“They won’t have a claim when I’m done,” Jeno said. “You don’t need those alphas anyway, omega.”
He was wrong, but I couldn’t say anything. After all, I had willingly compromised with the intimidating alpha for the safety of my pack. And while I still believed in my decision, I also couldn’t help but long for the familiarity of home and my three mates.
“Take her now,” Renjun urged, nodding towards one of the tents. “Do it fast before they become a problem.”
I didn’t wince when Jeno roughly grabbed me, forcing me up while he practically drug me into his tent. I landed roughly on the mattress, whimpering despite my attempts to remain strong against the alpha. He was over me in the next second, baring his teeth to intimidate my wolf. I could feel her inside me, bowing her head shamefully as the fight slowly left my body.
“You’ll just take it,” Jeno growled approvingly, leaning down to mouth at my scent gland. “Like a good little bitch.”
I was forced onto my stomach, whining loudly as the alpha jerked off my pants. “And you can take my knot tonight,” he continued, “and I’ll claim you for myself.”
In moments like this, I wish I could simply pretend that everything was okay. It seemed obvious to try and imagine myself in a better situation, that maybe I could pretend it was Jisung or Changbin or Chan with me instead of Jeno. But I guess I didn't have enough experience with that so I was stuck dealing with the consequences.
“You have good sense,” Jeno said, fingers rough and messy. “You’ll be quiet, won’t you? Just let me do what I want.”
I growled out a warning but didn’t fight back when I heard the sound of his belt. His body was too warm over mine, hands wrong when they touched my hips to adjust my position, and my senses were assaulted with his appalling musky scent. My wolf was bristling, pacing anxiously because she knew what was about to happen but had no idea how we could stop it from happening. 
“Jeno,” a tentative voice suddenly interrupted.
I sighed in relief when Jeno pulled back, growling in frustration. “What is it?”
The rogue wolf didn’t even react despite my compromising position with the alpha. “Jeno,” he said, “a patrol spotted wolves not far from the campsite.”
“Is it her pack?” Jeno asked, glaring down at me.
“We think it is.”
Jeno sighed audibly. “Tell Jaemin and Renjun to gather some wolves together to check out the report. The rest of us will stay behind to pack up the camp, we’ll have to leave tonight as a precaution.”
“Yes sir,” the wolf agreed, retreating quietly from the tent.
“You got lucky this time,” Jeno snapped in my ear and I was graciously left alone to deal with the stray tears that had fallen.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 11
One Year Ago
I watched Chan and Changbin from afar as they spoke together in low voices, observing Minho and Hyunjin’s practice session with studious expressions. My two packmates in question were in prime form, circling each other as they attempted different attacks and reversals. Meanwhile, our youngest pack members watched the exchanges with wide, eager eyes.
I grinned as I noticed the way Jeongin gasped after Hyunjin aggressively pinned Minho to the ground. The younger wolves were always more impressionable and I knew Jeongin idolized Hyunjin, begging the older wolf to teach him battle skills. And teaching the other wolves how to fight was Hyujin’s responsibility, although my two oldest mates had started to regularly involve themselves with our pack’s training.
It was important that the pack prepare its younger members when it came to fighting. Patrols were an essential component of pack life, and if you encountered danger along the borderlines, then you needed to know how to protect yourself. And when a pack member finally came of age, once they graduated from school, they could request to join border patrols and hunts. 
It was a careful system that had been firmly established for a very long time. And as dictated by tradition, once a wolf finished primary school, they would report regularly for either border patrols or scheduled hunting sessions. But they needed to learn the important skills first which is where Minho and Hyunjin came into the picture. When our pack was first formed, Chan assigned Minho in charge of hunting training and Hyunjin in charge of combat training.  
However, Chan and Changbin had taken an interest in observing the recent talent pool of young recruits. Perhaps it was because this was the first time a group of recruits had actually graduated from our new pack’s primary school and joined the regular training sessions. In any case, I often accompanied my mates to the practices because I was incredibly curious since I had declined the opportunity to patrol or hunt. Instead, I chose to cook because I was much more skilled when it came to the culinary arts. Plus, I think it gave my mates peace of mind knowing that I wasn’t in any sort of potential danger. 
Nevertheless, I wasn’t needed for kitchen duty until dinner which left me with far too much time to find something to occupy myself. It was another suitable explanation for why I chose to join Chan and Changbin. Plus, I could admire the powerful physiques of my mates who frequently tucked their t-shirts into the back of their pants under the heat of the afternoon sun.
“Minho,” Changbin said, “show me the stance again.”
Minho complied and Changbin slowly circled around the wolf in question, eyes narrowed as he scrutinized. I admired the attention to detail because Changbin was our pack’s best hunter and, in addition to taking on the responsibilities of the pack’s third in command, Changbin was lead hunter which meant he organized all of the hunting patrols. It was only natural that he was critical of the younger ones who were trying to earn their spots on our pack’s hunting team.
Changbin turned to address the gathered crowd of eager learners. “There’s a lot you should know when you’re out in the woods...”
I lost focus on what Changbin was saying, far too busy studying the hard planes of his broad chest. Recently, Changbin was trying harder to gain more muscle, and his efforts were definitely started to show. Usually, most pack hunters were lean and quick, but Changbin was far bigger which allowed him to take down larger prey most wolves might ignore. 
As Changbin finished his lecture, I turned my head to the side only to find myself ensnared with Chan’s teasing gaze. I raised one brow in question. Chan grinned, slyly making his way over to me while Changbin continued to hold the pack’s attention. “You’re staring,” Chan accused me once he was closer.
“Was not!”
“I can smell your arousal,” Chan continued, laughing when I snapped playfully in his direction. “Bin is trying to teach the new hunters. He doesn’t need you distracting him.”
“I’m over here,” I countered, unconsciously leaning in closer to Chan. My mate snickered and wordlessly combed his fingers through my hair.
“You smell like sweat,” I complained, groaning when he suddenly smashed my face against his bare chest. “Channie!”
“You wanted a closer view,” Chan pointed out to which I begrudgingly stopped squirming and simply accepted my fate.
“How are the recruits?” I asked conversationally, wrapping an arm loosely around Chan’s waist.
“They’re learning,” he nodded. “Changbin is too critical.”
“He’s always like that,” I begrudged. “I tried to get him to teach me how to hunt once.”
“And?”
“I wouldn’t speak to him for a week after because he complained the entire time,” I said, taking on a deeper pitch in an attempt to replicate my mate’s voice. “Your stance is wrong, angel. You need to stand like this, are you even paying attention?”
Chan chuckled. “What about when Jisung tried to teach you how to fight?”
I winced at the memory, ghosting my fingers across my hip where Jisung had left a considerable bruise after demonstrating one of his maneuvers. “I guess he’s second in command for a reason.”
“Jisung was just excited,” Chan defended him. “He likes showing off for you.”
“I know,” I groaned before glancing up at Chan. “But he isn’t the only one.”
Chan feigned cluelessness. “Bin?”
“Are you talking about me?”
I squealed when Changbin abruptly wrestled me from Chan’s arms. “Are you done tormenting the younger wolves?”
“I was helping them,” Changbin growled playfully, and I whined in protest as Changbin pulled me closer, nosing his way along my throat. “Are you here to help, angel?”
Chan leaned against the wall, sweat perspiring against his pale skin. “She was complaining about how you like to show off.”
“Chan!” I snapped in his direction, but Changbin immediately pulled my attention back. 
“I only show off for you,” Changbin said, pressing a kiss to his mating mark. “But I know you’ve been looking at me.”
“I’m only here for moral support.”
“Oh really?” Changbin questioned before leaning in closer. “You can have me all to yourself now, angel.”
“Are you going back to your cabin?”
“Of course,” he whispered seductively, one hand moving down to cup the heat between my legs. “You can have me all night.”
“You and Jisung are on patrol tonight,” Chan reminded Changbin, intervening in our scandalous display. 
“Tonight?” Changbin groaned, reluctantly pulling back. 
“I’m not switching, Bin,” Chan grinned as if he could already predict Changbin’s next words before they could even formulate in the alpha’s head. “I covered for you on your rut.”
“I know Jisung did it on purpose,” Changbin grumbled. “He’s jealous because I tracked those foreign scents on the backtrails and he couldn’t.” Changbin pursed his lips, squeezing at my hips. “Some second in command he is.”
Chan rolled his eyes. “You haven’t been on a patrol in months.”
“I’m in charge of hunting.”
“There’s nothing to hunt in the winter,” Chan countered, smiling victoriously as he pulled me away from Changbin’s hold. 
“Figures,” Changbin grunted, moving in to press a quick kiss to my puckered lips. “Have fun tonight.”
I giggled as Changbin reluctantly sauntered away, steps slow and methodical as he left the two of us alone. “Does that mean I’m coming with you?” I teased, nipping at the inviting pout of Chan’s lower lip.
“Of course it does,” Chan agreed. “I need attention too.”
“Well, are you done here?” I asked, nodding to where Minho and Hyunjin were talking with the younger wolves.
“I put them in charge for a reason,” he teased, reaching for my hand. 
-------------------------------------------------------------
I wandered by the open entryway to Chan’s bedroom, listening to my mate mess around somewhere in the kitchen. “Channie,” I called out to him, vaguely scanning the books gathering dust on his nightstand.
“Myah,” Chan returned and I smirked.
“I thought you wanted attention.”
“I do,” he said, voice much closer this time. I glanced back at my mate, watching him as he entered the bedroom. My eyes scanned over Chan greedily. 
“How about a bath?” Chan asked. 
“Please.”
Chan held out a hand which I gladly took, allowing him to pull me in the adjoining bathroom. “Take off your clothes,” he instructed with a wink, already unbuckling his jeans.
I rolled my eyes at his tone but reached down for the hem of my shirt. In the meantime, I could hear Chan messing around with the water, the small room suddenly filling with a delicious scent courtesy of the added soaps he always kept around for me. I appreciated the gesture, watching as he slowly submerged himself beneath the water. “Come on,” he said, holding out a hand to gently lead me into the bathtub. I easily settled between his legs, reclining back against his hard chest. “Comfortable?” he asked to which my omega purred in response. 
“Thank you,” I whispered, closing my eyes as his fingers started working at my shoulders.
“Why are so tense?” he suddenly asked. “Are you upset?”
I debated telling him the truth because I knew it would seem utterly ridiculous from his point of view. “I worry about you and Jisung,” I reluctantly admitted. “I don’t like it when you go out on patrols and I worry about Changbin when he’s hunting.”
“What do you think will happen?” he asked quietly.
“That you’ll get hurt,” I whispered. “And you won’t come home to me.”
“Myah,” Chan gently soothed. “That’s why we go with other wolves. We all have each other’s backs. You have nothing to worry about.”
“I don’t like the idea of you fighting other wolves.”
“I’m stronger than you give me credit for,” Chan teased, and I was blushing because he made it seem ridiculous to worry for his safety.
I leaned back against Chan, shivering when his thumbs teased the bottom of my breasts. “I thought you wanted to relax,” I said even though I had no qualms with his touches.
“You aren’t relaxed?” he questioned, teeth nipping at the shell of my ear.
“I love you,” I suddenly blurted, reclining my head to meet his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I love you too,” he whispered back. “And you’ll never lose me.”
-------------------------------------------------------------
Present
I was shivering violently despite the thick coat a sympathetic omega had given me. My fingers clutched at the lapels in a desperate attempt to keep out the cold wind. It would be better if we stopped and tried to pitch the tents, gathering together around a fire to keep warm. However, despite the obvious exhaustion of his pack members, Jeno insisted we keep going to the point where the night had finally been traded in for the promise of dawn. 
And the pack reluctantly marched on.
Some of the stronger wolves, like Jaemin and Renjun, loyally followed their alpha’s command. But I could start to sense some resistance from the rest of his pack, especially those with mates who were obviously worried about one another’s well-being. Yet, Jeno was insistent, reminding the others just how close “the enemy” was to our location. “They can’t find us,” Jeno said, nodding his head assuredly.
I swallowed hard as I fought to maintain his pace. I could feel my strength seeping from my body, fighting the exhaustion of fleeing through the snowy valley and the cold threatening to attack my vulnerable form. I tried to think about my cabin back home, the familiar warmth of the fireplace that maintained a beautiful glow as I snuggled into my bed. Unfortunately, the biting frost nipping my nose and fingertips proved to be far stronger than my memory.
“Jeno,” one of the younger alphas whined. “We can’t keep going.”
Jeno turned around with a snarl. “Do you want to get caught?”
“Let’s stop for the morning,” the smaller wolf suggested. “Just for a little while.”
Jeno obviously did not like the idea, frowning as he surveyed the rest of his pack mates. “Is that what you want?”
I shivered, withholding the urge to confront the alpha. Meanwhile, the rest of his pack were oppressively silent, even if the way their eyes darted around betrayed the fact that these wolves were indeed tired of fighting the cold. 
Jaemin snorted at the display. “Are you weak?”
Jeno shook his head, appearing conflicted. “Fine, but just for an hour.”
A collective gasp of relief was audible. 
“We’ll patrol the woods,” Jaemin informed Jeno, nodding over to where Renjun impatiently walked back and forth.
“Good,” Jeno said, now glaring down at me. “This is way more trouble than we bargained for.”
“Myah,” Chan’s sultry voice sounded absolutely lovely in the mornings. 
Still, I let out a groan as I pulled the blankets closer. “No.”
“Are you tired?”
“I just wanna sleep,” I slurred, reaching out for Chan’s pillow which smelled positively irresistible as I scented the fabric.
“Jisung’s waiting for you outside,” Chan said. 
“Later,” I insisted, ignoring the way Chan’s fingers trailed up the exposed skin of my thigh. 
“What if it’s important?”
“Nothing is more important than sleep,” I explained.
I could hear Chan’s low laughter. “Myah,” he tried again, “I think you’re gonna hurt Jisung’s feelings...”
“Get up!” Jenos harsh voice pulled me from the much-needed slumber I had fallen into. 
I blinked my eyes rapidly, disoriented for a moment as I tried to figure out what was going on.
“Come on,” Jeno growled, holding tightly to my wrist.
I whimpered at his harsh grip as I struggled to recover from the sudden demand to move. “Where are we going?” I asked blearily, stumbling along behind him.
Jeno ignored me, approaching a nearby wolf with purpose. “Well?” he demanded, dark eyes wild.
“We’re surrounded,” the wolf explained, forcibly meeting Jeno’s fiery gaze.
“Then we fight,” Jeno decided. “Organize the lines.”
Organize the lines? But that must mean...
I unconsciously gripped tighter to Jeno’s hand. Because my pack had found the rogues. They were coming for me.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 12
“I want you to be able to fight, princess,” Jisung appealed, ignoring the glare I tossed in his direction.
Changbin let out a snort. “She doesn’t care for it.”
“I did until he tossed me on my ass,” I grumbled, leaning in closer to Chan who was patiently resting behind me on the bed.
Jisung pouted. “I might have gotten carried away.”
“Really?” Changbin faintly growled in Jisung’s direction, walking over to my bedside. “You left a bruise.”
“I didn’t mean it,” Jisung insisted. 
“You came from a good place,” Chan suddenly interrupted, soothingly running a hand up and down my thigh. “I thought it was a good idea.”
“Then you’re both at fault,” Changbin declared, tugging on my jacket sleeve. “You should be sitting with me, angel.”
I giggled. “You just want attention.”
“I’m on your side,” Changbin continued, holding out an arm in an obvious attempt to coax me forward.
Chan chuckled and nudged me gently from behind. “Go on, he’s obviously jealous.”
Changbin snarled in Chan’s direction. I rolled my eyes as I crawled in his direction, forcing his attention away. “You have me now.”
Changbin greedily wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flat against his chest. Meanwhile, Jisung sighed in a rather exaggerated fashion. “You’ll never let me live this down.”
“You’re right,” Changbin mused, running his nose through my hair. 
“It’s alright, Jisung,” I teased him, “I’m sure you didn’t mean to shove me down.”
“Princess,” Jisung whined, tentatively sitting next to me on the edge of the bed. “I just wanted to help.”
“I know,” I grinned, leaning over to brush my thumb across his bottom lip. “But you’ll always be around to protect me.”
-------------------------------------------------------------
Present
It was nearly impossible to remain motionless next to Jeno while I could clearly see my packmates as they emerged from the woods. They were an imposing sight, especially with the additions of NCT filling their lines as necessary allies. And standing at the front to lead the assault, daunting as they stood together as wolves, were my three alpha mates. 
Vicious and determined.
Chan was the first to break formation, taking a few steps closer to Jeno, eyes clear and focused. “You have wronged my pack for the last time.”
Jeno was quiet for a moment, hold on my wrist unrelenting. “Your pack stands no chance against ours.”
“But they aren’t alone,” Taeyong added, stepping out to accommodate Chan. “You’ve done enough harm to NCT, are you so willing to break up another pack? Was leaving us not enough?”
“We left because your leadership was lacking,” Jeno replied.
“You left because you refused to conduct yourselves honorably,” Taeyong retorted.
“You have no place to talk about honor,” Jeno snarled. “You ally yourself with our enemies, hand out our packmates to use as soldiers in other wars. That is not honorable.”
“But then you somehow think that it’s right to try and steal another pack’s territory?” Taeyong questioned, briefly exchanging glances with Chan.
“I have every right,” Jeno snapped, abruptly yanking me forward. “I took what they couldn’t defend.”
I shivered as Changbin let out an intimidating growl, barely restrained as his wolf kept his gaze firmly transfixed on me
“Jeno, that’s enough,” Taeyong growled. “You had no place to attempt an illegitimate invasion and you have no right to another alpha’s mate.”
“We’re not under your control anymore,” Jeno spat. “We’ll do as necessary to survive on our own.” 
“Then survive on your own,” Taeyong agreed. “Apply for new territory according to tradition.” Taeyong considered me next and I was deeply impressed by the alpha’s obvious wisdom. “Return Myah to her pack.”
“That will never happen,” Jeno declared.
“Are you prepared to shed blood over this?”
“You won’t see us back down,” Jeno growled, exchanging a knowing glance with Jaemin before the smaller alpha let out a menacing howl.
Jeno grabbed my arm and pulled me away as the rest of his rogues charged in the direction of my packmates. 
-------------------------------------------------------------
I struggled to match Jeno’s pace, vision blurry from the force of the wind blowing back against me. The alpha seemed determined, but I had no idea where he was planning to take me. In any case, I knew he was a terrible head alpha for abandoning his pack on the battlefield. If his point was to prove his pack was better off away from NCT, then he continued to make poor decisions to affirm his position.
“This is your fault,” he snarled, suddenly turning around to confront me. We were far away from the battle, even if I could still hear the familiar sounds of war behind us. 
“I kept my promise,” I replied simply.
“We should’ve invaded,” Jeno continued. “I would have your pack’s territory.”
“Then the fault is with your leadership,” I growled in return.
In the next second, I was fumbling to the ground courtesy of a well-timed slap from Jeno. I blinked up at the alpha rapidly, feeling the cold sting against my reddened skin. “You have no place to speak against an alpha.”
“Touch her again and you’ll never speak again.”
My wolf howled with joy, sensing Chan so closeby. I glanced over my shoulder, body shuddering with relief when I spotted my mate. “You think you can defeat me?”
“I’m certain I can try.”
“Pathetic!”
Jeno’s wolf paced back and forth, keeping me mostly obscured from Chan’s view. “You had no right to come here,” Chan growled, viciously pawing at the cold snow.
“We have every right,” Jeno countered. “My pack can challenge for territory. There’s nothing you can do to stop it.”
“We can spill the blood of your ranks,” Chan said. 
“You can certainly try!”
“And you’ve also taken something precious from me.”
I shivered at Chan’s tone while Jeno huffed in annoyance. “The omega is mine now and I will be the one to make a new claim.”
“You’re making a mistake,” Chan warned the other alpha. “I’ll rip out your throat before I let you touch my mate.”
“I’ve already touched her,” Jeno taunted, a deadly mistake. I shuffled back through the snow as Chan abruptly charged at Jeno. The wolves were vicious, snarls echoing throughout the clearing as teeth tore through flesh. My eyes were wide, attentive, taking in the scene in front of me with a mixture of trepidation and anxiety.
Chan was far bigger than Jeno, but the smaller alpha was faster, managing well-placed bites and scratches along my mate’s flank. I winced every time Chan was hit, feeling the pain for myself as Chan allowed ear-splitting howls and barks each time Jeno was successful in an attack. And I longed to do something to help, but I knew my wolf was no match, even as an ally, in this dangerous skirmish. Instead, I kept myself away from the proximity of their fight, rooting for Chan whenever he managed to turn the tables, although it seemed Jeno always had a counter in mind despite Chan’s best efforts.
It made me think of our battle training when Chan had been fighting Hyunjin as a demonstration for the younger wolves. It was a similar scene because Hyunjin was significantly smaller than Chan. My mate was trying to help the wolves who would find themselves in Hyunjin’s position, greatly outmatched against an opponent. Chan was incredibly battle-smart and instructed Hyunjin through a series of complicated maneuvers that ultimately resulted in Chan laying flat on his back with Hyunjin on top. Of course, back then Chan had been proud of Hyunjin, telling him that he was a great fighter. Size did not always matter.
I swallowed hard when I recognized a similar attack from Jeno, seeking access to Chan’s vulnerable throat where one bite could end my mate’s life. Suddenly, this wasn’t just another day of battle training where nobody’s life was at risk. Chan could easily die at any moment and that sobering thought brought me back to reality, tears slipping free as I whined loudly from the bushes.
Jeno’s eyes shot in my direction and I froze.
Was he going to attack me instead?
But I wasn’t expecting to provide a distraction and Jeno was unprepared for Chan’s counter, swiping the smaller alpha’s legs from under him. Jeno collapsed against the snow-covered ground with a grunt. And Chan was there to take advantage of his unexpected position, rolling Jeno onto his back.
I blinked my eyes rapidly before the situation had completely processed. Was it actually over? After Chan had Jeno pinned to the ground, teeth deadly against the pale expanse of Jeno’s exposed throat. Is this all it took?
“You’re lucky to have my mercy,” Chan snarled. “We’ll let Taeyong deal with you.”
I watched as Jeno visibly deflated, flank panting hard as he reluctantly submitted to the alpha who had clearly wrenched an obvious advantage. In the meantime, I had started taking small steps in the direction of my seething mate, seeking his comfort. I let out a low whine to attract his attention and his eyes had already softened by the time they caught mine.
“Come here,” Chan instructed, shifting back to the same blonde-headed man I had fallen in love with all those years ago.
“Channie,” my voice cracked as I fell into his arms, easily shifting back and eagerly scenting him as my body melted against his.
“Myah,” Chan exhaled, fingers digging harshly into my waist. 
He scented me feverishly in return, nose wet from the unbearable cold. “This will never happen to you again,” Chan promised. “Nobody will take you from me.”
I shivered, but this time it was because my mate was sorely mistaken. I had been the one to agree to leave with Jeno. And I could only hope my mate was far too relieved to have me once again to offer the sharp reprimand that I probably deserved.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“Princess,” Jisung’s voice was reassuring, and I desperately inhaled his familiar scent. 
I could feel Changbin anxiously pacing nearby, trying his best to patiently wait his turn with me. The idea brought out a smile and it felt nice given all that had happened. “Relax,” I could hear Chan trying to soothe the younger.
Meanwhile, all around us, the battle had finally progressed to an end. Medical teams were spreading across the field as they tended to the wounded and the ones who had been spared injury were lending a helping hand. As for Jeno’s pack, most of the wolves had reluctantly submitted to Taeyong’s command. The cynical alpha himself, still reeling from his humiliating defeat, was surrounded by three powerful NCT wolves who were waiting for Taeyong’s final order. Whispers had circulated that Taeyong would banish Jeno from the surrounding territory, taking away his pack, his source of strength, and forcing him to live out the remainder of his life in exile.
A cruel fate for any wolf.
“Is it my turn yet?” Changbin grumbled from behind me.
I rolled my eyes playfully as I pulled away from Jisung to allow Changbin his turn to reaffirm our mating bond. As expected, Changbin was greedy, sniffing almost drunkenly at my scent gland. His strong arms held me close, providing a nice shelter from the insistent winds.
“Well?” Jisung eventually asked, looking at Chan. “Have they decided?”
“Taeyong will exile him,” Chan nodded. “It’s what he deserves.”
I shivered at the cold tone.
“He deserves worse,” Changbin growled and I could feel the vibrations from his chest.
“He’s not our responsibility to punish,” Chan said. “I should talk to Taeyong and then we can go home.”
I whined a little at the prospect of returning to camp because it had never crossed my mind while I was gone that I would be able to ever see my pack again. But perhaps I should’ve known better because my mates had never given up on me before. They were too strong, especially when they worked together and I was almost convinced they could do anything they wanted with that combined power. No wolf could stand in their way.
“Angel,” Changbin whispered in my ear. “Are you okay?”
I nodded against him. “I’m okay.”
I could feel Jisung’s presence as he lingered nearby. “We’re sorry this happened to you, princess.”
“He should be lucky we didn’t have a say in his punishment,” Changbin snarled, hold tightening to accommodate the sudden tension in his body.
“Don’t hurt her,” Jisung softly reprimanded the alpha. Changbin’s arms fell from around me as he took hold of my chin. 
“He didn’t hurt you, right angel?”
I shook my head, deciding not to rile up Changbin anymore with complaints against Jeno’s harsh touches or the way he nearly got what he wanted last night in his tent. “He didn’t.”
“When Chan comes back,” Changbin continued, “we’ll go home, alright? You’re safe now, angel.”
Jisung’s fingers soothingly massaged into the back of my neck. “Everything can go back to normal.”
-------------------------------------------------------------
I never imagined the sight of my camp could be so thrilling. I had every cabin memorized, the layout of the land perfectly mapped in my memory. Yet, as soon as my pack’s familiar scent filled my nose, my inner wolf nearly howled in delight. 
Our pack members who had accompanied us to the battle immediately took off in various directions to their cabins. For once, Chan had relieved them of all responsibilities, ordering everyone to rest for the remainder of the day. As for myself, my three mates had redirected us to Chan’s cabin, filing in one by one as they closely followed me to the couch. I sat down with a sigh, feeling the tension drain from my body. Chan joined me next, and I let out a squeak as he lifted me by my waist to readjust my position in his lap. I leaned in to scent him again, never tiring of the way it always soothed my omega. 
I curled closer to Chan, feeling utterly exhausted. Changbin and Jisung flanked Chan on either side of the couch, leaning in slightly to allow their scents to intermingle together. It provided a calming effect on my body, and I found myself relaxing considerably. It was rare for my mates to share a room like this in such an intimate capacity. Their wolves were usually far too competitive to allow our scents to so freely combine. However, I think the events of this evening left everyone, including our wolves, desiring nothing more than closeness. 
I purred when Changbin’s hand curled around my thigh. “How did they take you, angel?”
I trembled at his question. “I left on my own willpower,” I admitted. “Jeno promised he would leave the pack alone if I came with him.”
Silence answered my confession. 
It was an expected reaction, and I had already come to terms with the lecture I would probably receive from my mates for acting so recklessly. However, I also had my own defense prepared for their sharp words. After all, I had left with Jeno because I was trying to save the pack. It wasn’t like I had fallen victim to some sort of cunning scheme or freely decided that I wanted a taste of life beyond the borders of our territory. 
I would have nightmares about the ordeal for years.
“You tried to do the right thing,” Chan finally reasoned delicately, touching his forehead against mine. “Everything worked out in the end.”
The dismissal was surprising, but I wasn’t one to question my mates when they had seemingly allowed me a free pass. Instead, I leaned in closer to Chan to release a soothing pheromone as my own way of extending gratitude. The last thing I wanted to do was fight with my mates over my decision. And given that they were feeling gracious, I decided to allow the events of that evening to fade away into the background as they would with lots of time and healing.
Normalcy was within easy grasp.
“Do you still want pups?”
Jisung’s question made me smile as I turned around in Chan’s lap to face my youngest mate. “Is that what you’re really curious about?”
Jisung blushed but nodded his head. “We mentioned something to Chan.”
I reclined back against Chan’s shoulder. “And what does Chan think?”
“Chan,” my mischievous mate intoned, “would like nothing more than to see our family complete.”
My heart warmed at his words.
“On your next heat,” Changbin grinned, obviously excited by the prospect. 
“That’s soon,” I remarked. “Will it be okay?”
“Now that you’re back, everything is okay,” Chan decided, kissing the top of my head. “The pack will resume as it always has and you’ll still have to deal with three overprotective alpha mates.”
I giggled at his observation because there was a tangible air of excitement surrounding the four of us. A promising future, bright and certain, and we were ready to fully embrace the next chapter in our lives. And as I felt my eyelids grow heavy, listening to the gentle breathing of my alpha mates, I knew we would be ready to face anything as long as we were together.
------------------------------------------------------------
Epilogue
The early morning sun filtered through the Venetian blinds to form a pattern of equivalent stripes against my bedsheets. Normally, I could ignore the way the sunlight infiltrated my line of vision, but my daughter provided a far more compelling alarm system. Her cries always began with faint whines which I might disorientingly miss, but they never lasted long, evolving into noisy cries that demanded attention. Groggily, I sat up against the headboard of my bed, vacantly looking out my open door where I could spot my daughter’s bedroom from across the hallway. With a defeated sigh, having already given up on the possibility of sleeping past noon, I slowly made my way to address my daughter’s grievances.
However, perhaps I had dismissed my sleeping concerns prematurely. “Changbin?” I immediately questioned, surprised to see that my mate had beaten me to my daughter’s assistance.
“She was just hungry,” Changbin replied, cradling Nia delicately in his arms as he held a bottle to her tiny mouth.
“You’re becoming an expert,” I joked, watching the display with a full heart.
“She’s lovely,” Changbin said, pressing a delicate kiss to Nia’s forehead.
“I think you’re her favorite,” I quipped, winking in his direction.
“I don’t know about that,” Changbin said, but the adoration in his gaze was hard to dismiss. “I’ll take her back to sleep with me.”
I nodded my compliance. “I promised Amelia I would help her with dinner preparations in the kitchens. Will you watch Jay and Ren until I get back?”
“Of course,” Changbin easily agreed, distracted by the small purrs Nia released as her eyelids fluttered closed.
-----------------------------------------------------------
“You’re going to make me jealous,” Amelia joked as she listened to me talk animatedly about my new little pups. We were currently shucking corn behind the outside entrance of the kitchens, settling into an easy rhythm as we conversed.
“Hyunjin would love pups,” I grinned, wiping my hands against my jeans.
“I’m thinking about it,” Amelia admitted. “It would be nice if our pups could grow up together.”
“What’s stopping you?” I asked around an exhausted yawn.
“That,” Amelia grinned. “Those pups are a handful.”
“They’re worth it,” I reassured my friend. “It gets better once you find a routine, and my alphas are always around to help.”
“How are they coping with living together?” Amelia asked with a smirk.
“It was hard at first,” I admitted, recalling the way my competitive mates had argued relentlessly when I first found out I was pregnant. They each had their own opinion about what was best for me, and I was always too tired to argue against them. However, I think we could all agree that moving in together was the right decision since it was important for the pups to be around their fathers. And Chan had already started making room in his cabin, expanding from the back to build more bedrooms for the rest of us.
“I bet it makes things easier.”
“Like this morning,” I nodded. “Changbin was already around to watch over the pups. Chan had an early meeting and Jisung was scheduled to lead a patrol.”
“It would only be Hyunjin and me,” Amelia sighed.
“Not true,” I immediately countered. “I would do my best to help.”
“I think you’re my biggest advocate,” Amelia laughed, letting out a relaxed sigh as she stood from her chair. “I think dinner prep is done if you wanna head out for the day.”
“You don’t need my help tonight?”
“I have some extra hands,” Amelia remarked. “Take another day off. You should cherish the time you have with the pups while they’re still young.”
“Why can’t they be young forever?” I pouted.
“You’ll find a lot of memories of watching them grow up,” Amelia pointed out, ever the optimist. I nodded my head vacantly, tidying up our work area before making my way back to my new home.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The cabin was eerily quiet when I finally arrived. I quickly scented the air, noticing that traces of Jisung and Chan hung stale in the room. “Is anyone here?” I wondered aloud, following Changbin’s heavier scent to his bedroom. The sight that awaited me was perfectly enchanting.
Nia was sleeping soundly, curled on top of Changbin as her father’s eyelids drooped, barely able to stay open. “Binnie,” I addressed my mate who offered me a tired yawn. “Where’s Jay and Ren?”
“Jisung,” Changbin slurred, tilting his head to the side when Nia’s tiny nose sought her father’s scent.
“Jisung?” I repeated, amused by Changbin’s obvious exhaustion.
“He took Jay and Ren...” Changbin trailed off, squinting his eyes as he tried to remember. “Maybe an hour ago?”
“Do you need me to take Nia?” I asked, giggling when Changbin’s eyes closed.
“No,” he protested, one hand resting on Nia’s back. “I’m alright.”
“Is that so?” I questioned, perching myself down on the edge of Changbin’s bed.
“Maybe a nap,” Changbin grunted as his free hand curled around mine. “You could lay down with me?”
“I would love to,” I sighed, taking in the image of my only daughter sleeping peacefully. “But I need to find Jay and Ren.”
“I’ll come with you,” Changbin insisted, keeping a firm grip around Nia as he started to rise.
I quickly reached out to press my palm against his chest. “You don’t have to, Binnie, I know you’re tired.”
“We’re all tired,” Changbin responded. “That includes Jisung.”
“Do you know where he went?”
“Backyard,” Changbin said. “Jay and Ren were wired this morning. Jisung thought he could tire them out.”
“That’s impossible,” I snickered, allowing Changbin to wrap his fingers through mine. “Let’s see what trouble he’s got himself into.”
As expected, Jisung could barely keep up with my rowdy boys as they initiated an aggressive play fight against their unsuspecting father. “What a surprise,” Changbin remarked, holding Nia closer as his half-lidded eyes surveyed the chaotic scene.
“Princess,” Jisung called for me, waving in my direction. “Everything is under control.”
I inclined my head to the side, watching as a visibly distraught Felix joined Changbin and me on the porch. “They’ve been doing this for an hour.”
Jisung collapsed to the ground as my sons climbed on top of his chest, ignoring their father’s protests. “Did they wear you out too?”
Felix frowned. “I wish I had that much energy.”
“That’s why Changbin sticks with Nia.”
I grinned as his gentle voice greeted the three of us with a calming familiarity. I watched as Chan joined the disarray, closing the back door firmly behind him. Changbin glanced over at my oldest mate. “I was already with Nia.”
“He’s playing favorites,” Chan whispered in my ear, hands settling against my waist.
“Channie,” I squealed, falling back against his chest as he dug his fingers into my sides.
Nia’s head rose curiously from Changbin’s shoulder to briefly appraise the situation before she nuzzled back into his neck. “You like your daddy’s scent, don’t you?” I cooed to my youngest daughter, aware of the way Changbin’s eyes lit up with pride.
Jisung grunted as he fell back on his ass, groaning when Jay and Ren took advantage of his vulnerable form. “Do you need help?” I asked, watching Jisung struggle to control the hyperactive boys.
“I’ve got this under control, princess,” Jisung assured me even as he frantically fought to contain the boys’ inspirited energy.
“Is that so?” I questioned with amusement.
“You look like you’re having trouble,” Chan remarked, grinning as he knelt down on one knee to encourage Jay and Ren into his arms. The boisterous boys immediately turned their attention to Chan, leaving Jisung to attack a more willing participant.
“Holy shit,” Jisung coughed, slowly propping himself up with his elbows. “What did you feed them?”
“Love and affection,” I cooed, watching the way Chan easily handled both boys, gathering them into his arms.
Jisung slowly stumbled over to our group, expression wary. “I couldn’t get them to stop all morning.”
“It looks like everything’s fine now,” Felix remarked, studying the way Jay and Ren buried their tiny noses into Chan’s neck.
“They haven’t seen him all day!” Jisung protested. “Ya! Felix, I helped make them!”
I rolled my eyes. “Do you have to say it that way?”
“But I did!” Jisung insisted.
“You did fine, Jisung,” Chan said, clearly sensing Jisung’s impending breakdown. “They could all use a nap anyway.”
I reached over to carefully collect Jay into my arms to help ease Chan’s burden. “I think that’s a good idea.”
Jisung sighed loudly. “Thanks to me they’re ready for their nap.”
“Sungie,” I cooed to my mate. “You’re such a good father.”
Jisung brightened immediately, following the rest of us into the house after we extended our thanks to Felix for helping Jisung attempt to control my oldest pups. In the meantime, Chan and I brought Jay and Ren to their bedroom while Changbin and Jisung brought Nia into hers. The four of us had been in agreement that the boys should be separate from our youngest daughter until Chan could build a new bedroom.
“They’re exhausted,” Chan said, brushing back a few wayward strands of Ren’s messy curls.
“Wait until they get older,” I grinned, brushing my fingers across Jay’s chubby cheeks before meeting Chan in the doorway. My oldest mate leaned down to gently press a kiss to my lips.
“We’ll manage.”
“As long as Jisung isn’t solely responsible for babysitting,” I remarked, grabbing ahold of Chan’s hand as I directed us into the living room. Jisung and Changbin were already waiting, occupying two of the armchairs flanking either side of the massive fireplace.
“I need more than one Felix,” Jisung quipped, eyes watching me as I settled on top of Chan’s lap to relax against the sofa.
“You did just fine,” I reassured my mate.
“They’re certainly a handful,” Chan agreed, “but that’s why we have all four of us to handle things.”
“The super team,” Jisung said, nudging Changbin with his foot. “Why are you tired? You’ve been sleeping with Nia all day.”
“I could handle those boys better than you,” Changbin challenged, although there wasn't a single trace of malice in his tone.
Jisung chuckled at Changbin’s playful comment. “When Nia gets older, she’ll want to play more with her brothers.”
“She can handle them,” I quickly added, noticing the worry in Changbin’s eyes.
“We need more girls,” my mate said, looking at me entreatingly.
I glared at Changbin from the corner of my eye. “No more pups.”
Changbin smirked at the stern expression I wore. “Alright, angel.”
Chan’s fingers lightly ghosted across my lips. “Does that mean you’re happy with everything you have?”
I buried my face closer to his chest as I thought about my beautiful pups and my three powerful mates. “I couldn’t be more satisfied.”
The End.
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World Class Free Film School - Lesson 1 - Sign Zee Papers!
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Welcome to World Class Free Film School!
In the following series of articles of we will impart the hard-won knowledge that we have gained as successful independent digital filmmakers. And (drumroll puh-leaze!) we will do this for FREE!
Now, why would we do such a thing for free? Well, because we're sweethearts. Because we love you and want you to succeed in this sometimes tricky and crazy thing called The Film Industry.
Now, there are many fine filmmaking schools in this big old world. Places where an aspiring director or producer can attend to learn many of the skills necessary to make a film.
There are also many excellent books out there that you can read that will give you all of the essentials to make a film. Unfortunately, for the poor huddled masses, these film schools and books will cost an initial investment of time and money. This amount you end up spending may be in the thousands of dollars. Now, there is nothing wrong with you spending money to educate you. Perhaps some film schools may actually help improve your chances of getting a job in the industry too, however...
Almost without exception, the graduates of these film schools will go on to find out that making their first few films as Directors will end up costing them several thousands of dollars more. They'll learn the hard way that precious few filmmakers ever see any kind of return on the money they've put up for funding their first few films.
That has been the reality of the situation for the independent filmmaker, up until now. There have been way too many stories told of those starry-eyed wannabe directors who begged, borrowed, or stole to produce their first few flops. At the end those sad stories, the tragedy is they never actually finished their first film. Maybe they never got started. Maybe they ran out of patience or time. Or maybe they ran over-budget, found themselves financially in the hole, bereft of family and friends for favors they could not repay. End result? Oh, I don't know, maybe you end up a bitter ex-filmmaker, working a crappy day job, nursing a sore ego while feeling like a huge failure after spending so much dang money on film school.
Are you ready for a paradigm shift? This is where World Class Free Film School is different! Here, you can learn all of the technical information for producing an independent film while NOT breaking the bank! In this free on-line film school, you will learn the basic principles of pre-production, production, and post. You will walk the path of a successful independent filmmaker and discover a self sustaining business model that I've followed from day one in the business.
You'll gain the perspective of the lessons that I've won and follow me step by step as I explain to you how I wrote, directed, and produced my first money-making film and went on using that as seed money to grow an income generating film library. You'll learn the tips and tricks of creating film revenue streams while satisfying that creative spirit which brought you to this page in the first place. These revenue streams will allow you build your filmmaking equipment arsenal, fund, produce and self-distribute more of the same revenue streams, and, yes, allow you the financial freedom to produce the occasional non-commercial short film, without giving a fig about where the funding will come from!
Interested? Good! Check back frequently! This is a work in progress, and it will evolve as we go happily skipping down the danger-strewn yellow brick road together in this crazy thing called show-biz. I'm looking forward to sharing and giving back some of the knowledge and experiences that have allowed me to proclaim myself a successful filmmaker. Yes indeed, sometimes I puff out my chest and shout my barbaric yawp; "I am a successful FILMMAKER, dammit!" I admit that I do get some funny looks sometimes too.
That being said, I honestly believe that at the end of this course, if you follow the tasty advice that I dish out for you, I have no doubt that you'll be able to shout the same barbaric yawp!
So, c'mon, jump in head first and follow me! You've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain. It's fun, it's entertaining, and you might learn something.
Best part is; it's all FREE!
Lesson 1 - Sign Zee Papers!
Ok, so you've decided that you want to make a film and you're not going let anything stop you. It's time to make like Nike, and just do it. You've got your crew all picked out and they said they would work for free (or almost free and a credit). They're all totally happy with the fact that you're making promises about what they can expect on the back-end profits. Everyone is confident that this film is a sure-fire win at Sundance, it's going to get picked up by a major distributor and everyone is going to get rich, right?
WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!
One of the biggest downers in this crazy business (and don't kid yourself, it is a business), is that it can make ordinarily nice people turn into totally greedy, insufferably egotistical, and absolutely insane monsters. This is no joke.
I don't know what it is, but one day you're buddy-buddy with someone who came on to your project two months ago to help collaborate, everything is fine and dandy, you're cruising toward that Sundance Award, then the next day, BLAMMO! It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. This previously "normal guy" has been replaced with an alien who grew out a pod last night while he was sleeping. Maybe you hired him to shoot some of your footage and he still has the tapes. He was supposed to start editing them, but now he says he wants a gazillion dollar advance, he wants 50% royalty on all sales, he wants complete creative control, and... Wait for it...he wants DIRECTOR credit on the film that was initially your idea two years ago.
OK, this is one of the most important tips that I am going to give you. Before you do anything else; get it in writing! Step one; when you finish the script, get it copyrighted. You can do this easily by logging on to copyright.gov, paying $35 bucks, and following their directions. Step two: when you bring someone on to your film to collaborate, use a contract! Spell everything out completely and make sure you don't give up certain things, like ownership. Make the terms as favorable for yourself as possible. Remember, it's your concept, your project, your business! As a business person, think of collaborators as employees. Employees whom you appreciate, take care of, and share with, but still; employees. To drive a film to completion, someone has to be the boss. If they want to be the boss, guess what? They can make their own frickin' movie! Even if they are working for free (or almost free), you need to be able to fire them if, say, they turn into pod-people. Don't be afraid to terminate someone if you need to.
Make the contracts as iron-clad as possible. Spell out what you are offering them and what rights you will retain. Personally, I would prefer to pay someone up front on a daily rate, rather than to have them work for free (or for some pie-in-the-sky by and by). It's much cleaner. Pie eating contests can get messy. Pay the cameraman a reasonable fee and have him give you the tapes immediately after each shoot, if you're doing the editing yourself. Or, if that's not feasible, go with him to his studio, wait while he captures the footage to hard-drive, then take the raw footage with you while he does the editing. When it comes down to it, he who has the raw footage in his possession, owns it. Doesn't matter if you paid him or not. He shot it and it belongs to him his until he hands it over. All this is a very good reason to learn how to do everything yourself, if you can.
It's hard to shoot, edit, and act in your own film all at the same time. You will probably need some kind of actors in your movie. This can be expensive unless you're shooting a documentary. That's why I like making docs. The talent tends to be free. Even then, you should still take care of the people who volunteer to be in your film. Feeding them is nice. Credits are a must. A complimentary copy of the film on DVD should be de rigueur. I like to give the folks in my documentaries the opportunity to buy extra DVDs from me, at production cost (50%) and let them hand-sell them for profit at the set retail price. It's actually a good self-marketing technique. You end up with a huge marketing team this way. They make 50% profit and you make 50%. But regardless of whether you decide to share the wealth, or not, be considerate!
One thing about getting people to work for free, please respect their time! If you say that a shoot will start at a certain time, be there. Nothing makes an unpaid volunteer more upset than taking time out of a valuable day and be left cooling their heels for a tardy director. If you're producing a narrative, you will need actors. Key words: be professional.
Try to keep it clean and simple. If you're able to, use SagIndie for talent. I know that it's not always feasible, but if you can, do it. It's only a hundred bucks a day and you will get quality performances. You can learn a lot working with professionals too. Maybe you won't need to do so many takes. And usually you will get better results than if you use your Aunt Mimi as the leading lady.
Either way, make sure you get talent and location owner's to sign a release form. Make sure that you make the release as broad as possible so that you don't get caught in a "aha, gotcha!" somewhere film alta definizione  down that yellow brick road. No bigger buzz-kill than squabbling over something that is supposed to be fun. Remember, that is our definition of "success"? Having FUN? Well, follow the advice in this lesson and have everyone sign zee papers. Then have fun!
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cb01site-blog · 6 years ago
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World Class Free Film School - Lesson 1 - Sign Zee Papers!
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Welcome to World Class Free Film School!
In the following series of articles of we will impart the hard-won knowledge that we have gained as successful independent digital filmmakers. And (drumroll puh-leaze!) we will do this for FREE!
Now, why would we do such a thing for free? Well, because we're sweethearts. Because we love you and want you to succeed in this sometimes tricky and crazy thing called The Film Industry.
Now, there are many fine filmmaking schools in this big old world. Places where an aspiring director or producer can attend to learn many of the skills necessary to make a film.
There are also many excellent books out there that you can read that will give you all of the essentials to make a film. Unfortunately, for the poor huddled masses, these film schools and books will cost an initial investment of time and money. This amount you end up spending may be in the thousands of dollars. Now, there is nothing wrong with you spending money to educate you. Perhaps some film schools may actually help improve your chances of getting a job in the industry too, however...
Almost without exception, the graduates of these film schools will go on to find out that making their first few films as Directors will end up costing them several thousands of dollars more. They'll learn the hard way that precious few filmmakers ever see any kind of return on the money they've put up for funding their first few films.
That has been the reality of the situation for the independent filmmaker, up until now. There have been way too many stories told of those starry-eyed wannabe directors who begged, borrowed, or stole to produce their first few flops. At the end those sad stories, the tragedy is they never actually finished their first film. Maybe they never got started. Maybe they ran out of patience or time. Or maybe they ran over-budget, found themselves financially in the hole, bereft of family and friends for favors they could not repay. End result? Oh, I don't know, maybe you end up a bitter ex-filmmaker, working a crappy day job, nursing a sore ego while feeling like a huge failure after spending so much dang money on film school.
Are you ready for a paradigm shift? This is where World Class Free Film School is different! Here, you can learn all of the technical information for producing an independent film while NOT breaking the bank! In this free on-line film school, you will learn the basic principles of pre-production, production, and post. You will walk the path of a successful independent filmmaker and discover a self sustaining business model that I've followed from day one in the business.
You'll gain the perspective of the lessons that I've won and follow me step by step as I explain to you how I wrote, directed, and produced my first money-making film and went on using that as seed money to grow an income generating film library. You'll learn the tips and tricks of creating film revenue streams while satisfying that creative spirit which brought you to this page in the first place. These revenue streams will allow you build your filmmaking equipment arsenal, fund, produce and self-distribute more of the same revenue streams, and, yes, allow you the financial freedom to produce the occasional non-commercial short film, without giving a fig about where the funding will come from!
Interested? Good! Check back frequently! This is a work in progress, and it will evolve as we go happily skipping down the danger-strewn yellow brick road together in this crazy thing called show-biz. I'm looking forward to sharing and giving back some of the knowledge and experiences that have allowed me to proclaim myself a successful filmmaker. Yes indeed, sometimes I puff out my chest and shout my barbaric yawp; "I am a successful FILMMAKER, dammit!" I admit that I do get some funny looks sometimes too.
That being said, I honestly believe that at the end of this course, if you follow the tasty advice that I dish out for you, I have no doubt that you'll be able to shout the same barbaric yawp!
So, c'mon, jump in head first and follow me! You've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain. It's fun, it's entertaining, and you might learn something.
Best part is; it's all FREE!
Lesson 1 - Sign Zee Papers!
Ok, so you've decided that you want to make a film and you're not going let anything stop you. It's time to make like Nike, and just do it. You've got your crew all picked out and they said they would work for free (or almost free and a credit). They're all totally happy with the fact that you're making promises about what they can expect on the back-end profits. Everyone is confident that this film is a sure-fire win at Sundance, it's going to get picked up by a major distributor and everyone is going to get rich, right?
WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!
One of the biggest downers in this crazy business (and don't kid yourself, it is a business), is that it can make ordinarily nice people turn into totally greedy, insufferably egotistical, and absolutely insane monsters. This is no joke.
I don't know what it is, but one day you're buddy-buddy with someone who came on to your project two months ago to help collaborate, everything is fine and dandy, you're cruising toward that Sundance Award, then the next day, BLAMMO! It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. This previously "normal guy" has been replaced with an alien who grew out a pod last night while he was sleeping. Maybe you hired him to shoot some of your footage and he still has the tapes. He was supposed to start editing them, but now he says he wants a gazillion dollar advance, he wants 50% royalty on all sales, he wants complete creative control, and... Wait for it...he wants DIRECTOR credit on the film that was initially your idea two years ago.
OK, this is one of the most important tips that I am going to give you. Before you do anything else; get it in writing! Step one; when you finish the script, get it copyrighted. You can do this easily by logging on to copyright.gov, paying $35 bucks, and following their directions. Step two: when you bring someone on to your film to collaborate, use a contract! Spell everything out completely and make sure you don't give up certain things, like ownership. Make the terms as favorable for yourself as possible. Remember, it's your concept, your project, your business! As a business person, think of collaborators as employees. Employees whom you appreciate, take care of, and share with, but still; employees. To drive a film to completion, someone has to be the boss. If they want to be the boss, guess what? They can make their own frickin' movie! Even if they are working for free (or almost free), you need to be able to fire them if, say, they turn into pod-people. Don't be afraid to terminate someone if you need to.
Make the contracts as iron-clad as possible. Spell out what you are offering them and what rights you will retain. Personally, I would prefer to pay someone up front on a daily rate, rather than to have them work for free (or for some pie-in-the-sky by and by). It's much cleaner. Pie eating contests can get messy. Pay the cameraman a reasonable fee and have him give you the tapes immediately after each shoot, if you're doing the editing yourself. Or, if that's not feasible, go with him to his studio, wait while he captures the footage to hard-drive, then take the raw footage with you while he does the editing. When it comes down to it, he who has the raw footage in his possession, owns it. Doesn't matter if you paid him or not. He shot it and it belongs to him his until he hands it over. All this is a very good reason to learn how to do everything yourself, if you can.
It's hard to shoot, edit, and act in your own film all at the same time. You will probably need some kind of actors in your movie. This can be expensive unless you're shooting a documentary. That's why I like making docs. The talent tends to be free. Even then, you should still take care of the people who volunteer to be in your film. Feeding them is nice. Credits are a must. A complimentary copy of the film on DVD should be de rigueur. I like to give the folks in my documentaries the opportunity to buy extra DVDs from me, at production cost (50%) and let them hand-sell them for profit at the set retail price. It's actually a good self-marketing technique. You end up with a huge marketing team this way. They make 50% profit and you make 50%. But regardless of whether you decide to share the wealth, or not, be considerate!
One thing about getting people to work for free, please respect their time! If you say that a shoot will start at a certain time, be there. Nothing makes an unpaid volunteer more upset than taking time out of a valuable day and be left cooling their heels for a tardy director. If you're producing a narrative, you will need actors. Key words: be professional.
Try to keep it clean and simple. If you're able to, use SagIndie for talent. I know that it's not always feasible, but if you can, do it. It's only a hundred bucks a day and you will get quality performances. You can learn a lot working with professionals too. Maybe you won't need to do so many takes. And usually you will get better results than if you use your Aunt Mimi as the leading lady.
Either way, make sure you get talent and location owner's to sign a release form. Make sure that you make the release as broad as possible so that you don't get caught in a "aha, gotcha!" somewhere down that yellow brick road. No bigger buzz-kill than squabbling over something cb 01  that is supposed to be fun. Remember, that is our definition of "success"? Having FUN? Well, follow the advice in this lesson and have everyone sign zee papers. Then have fun!
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moonraccoon-exe · 7 years ago
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Heyyyyy Racc ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) how flustered do you think Gladio would be if he found out Ignis had a twin??.. (sister or brother, your choice! )
Hahahaha, Y E S!!!
I’ve had this here for quite a while but I can’t stop thinking about it and probably won’t. I’ve been laughing at the mere mental images this brings me, and I so have to share something about this!!
First off; Ignis with a twin? HNG, YES.
I’d LOVE both cases, because if it was a sister then we could have some sort of Fem!Ignis at least visually and ASTRALS ABOVE, yes.
But imagine if it was a brother. I think that that would mess with Gladio a little more. No, wait, I just had ideas for both scenario ahaha, awman, I need to write stuff for this! Due to length this only includes Brother but ohman. I’m having so much fun writing this.
Edit: *dEEP BREATH* I ADORED AND LOVED WRITING THIS, this is now one of my new absolute favorites, thank you so much!!!
[Adding a Keep Reading at some point]
Gladio dealing with discovering Ignis has a twin brother (& their adventures after he does):
I’ve been adoring the idea of the situation being like that rumor from Marvel’s Avengers on Chris Evans and his troubles with identifying whether he’s talking with Scarlett Johansson or her stunt actress.
Same happens to Gladio: is this Ignis or is this his twin brother?
First time Gladio interacted with him, he still had no idea Ignis had a sibling, let alone a twin.
Gladio was fourteen.
Ignis, due to his great intellect and potential, was taken to the Citadel since very little, but he couldn’t bring his brother along, so Brother is staying with their Aunt at the Scientia house, while Ignis stays at the Citadel with their Uncle.
Ignis isn’t the most talkative on his personal life and, when young, he was very damn shy, so he didn’t bring up to conversation he has a brother (it either didn’t occur to him or he just was too shy to talk on his private life).
So, despite all the years together as friends, Gladio has literally no idea Ignis has a sibling.
One day, Ignis’ brother was visiting for a proper tour around the Citadel. He waited in the hallway while Ignis went into the bathroom.
Gladio happened to stumble upon him.
“Yo, Iggy! Hey, what are you doing ‘round here? :)”
“Oh. I’m not-”
“I was looking for you, say, I forgot to give you your pen back at school yesterday, so here you go.”
“Thank you :)”
“No worries, Iggy.”
“I’m-”
“*gasps* Oh, no, dad will kill me if I’m late. Sorry. See you later, Iggy!”
“Oh. Well, hurry, I wouldn’t want you to die, big friend from school.”
Gladio was a bit ?? because what the fuck did Ignis just call him, but the almost naive way in which he said the rest made him laugh a lot, so he just shrugged it off and left.
That was literally his first interaction with Ignis’ twin.
Jkssks this idiot.
You cannot judge Gladio, the Scientia have the same bloody hairstyle and both wear glasses.
They’re like waterdrops, except Brother has a darker shade of green in the eyes and a different birthmark.
Gladio continued to live unaware that this was not Ignis.
One day, Ignis was very, very, as in absolutely v e r y sick.
Still, he insisted to go to the Citadel because “he has work to do”.
Brother smacked him.
“LISTEN HERE, I already knew the way you’re going stress would kill you in a year or two, but I can’t believe you want to fasten the process by also throwing yourself into the Stress Pit while agonizing.”
Ignis tried to insist he’s fine and kept it very, very clear he can’t miss work and someone has to do it.
Guess who’s going in his place.
Twin bro is the shit.
Twin bro is taking Ignis’ clothing and going to work in his place so Ignis doesn’t miss his work day but also gets to rest in bed.
It wasn’t in the plan to pretend being Ignis. He just happens to look the same.
Across the day, Bro waves back at “Hello, Ignis”s and “How are you, Ignis?”s and he doesn’t mind.
There’s a few who recognize he’s Brother (king Regis and Noctis, as well as Clarus and Cor), but the majority mistake him by Ignis.
He doesn’t mind nor is he correcting them.
Guess who happened to stumble upon him again.
“HEY, Iggy!! You’re looking good, yesterday you looked kind of bad, are you okay?”
“Oh. Well, Ignis is fine.”
Gladio’s laughing because “haha Ignis is refering to himself in third person.”
“I’m happy. Say, the other day, at my house. Thank you. The way the teacher puts it, it’s ridiculous, but you helped me understand very well, and today I got a 100% on the test.”
“Ah, I’m glad about it! :)”
“Yeah. You know, I used to think tutoring embarassing, but it’s very helpful. I know I’m not awful at school, but you make it a thousand times easier. You’re so smart, how does your head not explode? Nice sweater, by the way. Are these glasses new?”
“Oh? Ah, no. I’ve always had them.”
“Hm? I thought they were black, but I may just be an idiot. Do you want a candy? I saw Monica and she gave me a few.”
“Oh, that’d be nice! :)”
“Here you go. Do you like orange or strawberry better? Don’t tell me. Orange.”
“Hah, yeah :)”
“Nice. Also, did you know about Beric?”
“Who’s Beric?”
“Ahaha, Iggy, you’re extra funny today. Beric from school. Turns out he [blah blah blah]”
Gladio talked long and comfy with him having no idea this isn’t Ignis.
Brother has literally no idea what Gladio’s talking about.
He doesn’t mind, though.
Brother let him call him Ignis and talk with him as he pleased and never corrected him and just agreed or laughed even though he doesn’t understand what is going on.
That night, Brother told Ignis everything that Gladio told him.
“I think he thinks I’m you.”
“Hm…Gladio’s not as silly. He’s very perceptive. He’s got a very sharp eye and great intuition. I guess he must have noticed by now.”
Ignis’ expectations of Gladio are too high.
As time goes and by the time they’re 15 and from then on, sometimes brother goes to the Citadel to help.
Sometimes it’s to replace Ignis when he worries Ignis is stressing too much, sometimes both are around the place attending different duties.
Brother is in charge of minor ordering of archives, messenger activities, etc., while Ignis continues with his major ordering, Council and etc.
Even when both are at the same time at the Citadel Gladio still doesn’t notice there’s a Second Ignis.
The Scientia twins are coming and going everywhere all the time, so they’re barely ever together or in the same place.
So, Gladio only sees one.
“Woah. Iggy? I thought…I thought you were…ahaha, never mind. Good day! :)”
“Hey, Iggy! How did you get here so fast? I last saw you at the hallway of the throne room! Winged feet, huh? :)”
“Oh? They told me you were during Council meeting lessons! What are you doing here? :)”
“Lmao haha Ignis wtf you couldn’t have come here so fast.”
“Ignis, literally what the fuck, I just…around the corner and… *takes a look* *stares at Brother* *stares around* *stares at Brother* How the fuck.”
“Gladio, have you seen Noctis?”
“He’s at the training Hall :)”
“Thank you! *leaves*”
Gladio’s tying his shoelace and stands back up to find Ignis standing in front of him.
Gladio’s flinching and yelping in a jumpscare.
“Hi, Gladio. Excuse me, do you know where Noctis is?”
“Lmao, Ignis, wtf. I just literally told you he’s in the training hall.”
“What? Oh, right. Okay, thanks. *leaves*”
Gladio watches him leave, shakes the head and thinks he’s just hallucinating, so he turns around and goes, only to find Ignis coming from the other hallway a few seconds later.
“Ah, Gladio! I’m sorry, which way is the training hall?”
“IGNIS WHAT THE FUCK.”
“Did I upset you? :’(”
The Scientia twins have literally no idea they’re messing with Gladio.
Gladio still has no idea or clue Ignis has a twin.
Whenever Gladio happens to engage in conversation with Brother, he has no idea it’s Brother.
Literally, Gladio will stand or sit there with him and talk like this is Ignis and call him that.
Brother has long assumed and has it a hundred percent for sure that Gladio’s just kidding when he treats him like it’s Ignis.
He assumed that Gladio knows him and is aware that he’s Ignis’ twin, and both because he doesn’t know his name and because that’s his way of kidding about the whole situation, as if doing this on purpose in some way of laughing at himself for their first interaction, he just calls him Ignis.
Truth is Gladio really thinks he’s Ignis when they’re interacting.
When Gladio’s sixteen he starts growing feelings for Ignis.
He adores just staring at him instead of the chalkboard at school, he really likes his hair and his brain and his feelings and his heart and his eyes and everything about him.
It was eventual, but he figured he really adores the guy and has a crush on him.
“Besides, I feel…Iris, I feel I’m seeing him everywhere all the time. That must mean he’s got me bad.”
Hahahahahahaha, oh Gladio.
Gladio spent most part of his 15′s and part of his 16′s hiding the feelings because “They’re ridiculous, I’ll get over this” but lol nope, it only got worse, to the point he’s agonizingly, desperately, insufferably, profoundly and excruciatingly crushing on Ignis.
Can’t look at him without going red to the ears and entirely stupid.
This state, of course, makes it impossible for him to pay attention and notice there’s two Ignis.
The poor thing.
One day he couldn’t contain the feelings anymore and had to confess so he went straight towads Ignis.
Except that’s not Ignis.
ahahahsdioashdasiohaha this mess, I love it so much.
“Uhm…Ignis…can I talk with you for a moment? >////
“Sure, Gladiolus. What’s wrong?”
“I…I uhm…I was…I was wondering…I mean- no, it’s not- no-”
“:) ?”
It took Gladio veeeeeeery long to get anywhere.
“And I just want to say… >////////
Look at that sixteen year old Gladio. His undercut hairstyle, his still hairless face, so young and smol and inexpert and silly and shy, entirely red in the face and almost sweating from the nervousness, standing in front of Brother, who’s just all  (・・ ) ? holding his clipboard and blinking up at Gladio.
“Listen. You are…you are…the most incredible person that I know. Ignis, I am- I want- I just want to say- you don’t need to pressure or feel engaged or guilty or anything, I just want to say- Ignis I’m- thing is…you are…the way you make me feel. It’s stupid and I’m getting tired of it, because I can’t sleep because I think too much and it’s always you in my head, and I can’t look at you without having brain death, I literally sometimes forget how to speak just because I saw you, and I can’t eat because it tickles so much inside I’d throw up, and I’m…what I what to say is…Ignis just don’t- I don’t- I am-….”
“ (・・ ) ? “
“…Ignis, I really really really really like you like you have no idea and I wanted to offer we go somewhere you’d like!” he bows to him, “I-I have no troubles if you say no!”
There’s a very long and dead silence.
Trembling 16 y.o. Gladio’s still in reverence in front of Brother who’s still all  (・・ ) ?
“…I’m sorry. :’(”
“Why?”
“I…don’t know. I don’t mean to upset you. I just…really like you. And I would really like to go…to go…out? Sometime…someday…anywhere…just as long as…as it’s…with you?” Brother is impressed Gladio’s face has not exploded from how red it is. “Uhm…you don’t…have to say yes if you don’t wanna. Sorry, Ignis.”
There’s another long, dead silence and nobody’s moving.
“…oooooh…you’re- oooh, *gaSPS* GLADIO THAT WAS SO SWEEEEET!! ❤ ”
“Really? :D”
“Yeah, I’m sure he’ll love it!”
wat
Gladio’s now all  (・・ ) ?
why is Ignis referring to himself in third person wtf.
He’s too scared of ruining things between them so he just rolls with it.
“Uhm…yeah?”
“Gladio, that was so sweet, I’m sure he will say yes, just wait and- omg I’ll tell him to go look for you tomorrow, this is so sweet, I had no idea you- *histerical contained giggle* YOU TELL HIM THIS EXACT SAME TOMORROW, it’s so sweet! You’ve got this, IT’LL TURN OUT FINE AND HE WILL SAY YES”
“…??  (・・ ) ??” 
Gladio’s very puzzled and also a bit creeped out.
What just happened
Is that a yes
Brother broke out running because HE’S SO EXCITED OMG IGNIS WON’T BELIEVE THIS
Gladio’s just standing there staring into the void and frowning lightly and feeling so confused he feels lost because
wtf is Ignis doing
Was this his way of telling him “I need to think but I’ll tell you my answer tomorrow”?
“I’ll tell Ignis”.
Wtf.
Ignis
Ignis wtf r u doing
Gladio’s V E R Y confused.
Brother thought that Gladio was rehearsing.
Jjkdsjksdjsfsd THESE IDIOTS 。゚(TヮT)゚。
Brother thought, once he understood what Gladio was asking, that Gladio had wanted to ask Ignis out for a while now, but has been way too shy and can’t gather the courage; as a solution, he thought about approaching Brother and pretend it was Ignis since the beginning, so while he knows this is not Ignis, he’s pretending he is and imagining this is the moment, so he can let it out and get rid of the shyness, so this is his rehearsal for the real thing.
Brother’s expectations of Gladio are too high, too.
The next day Gladio’s going around the Citadel when Ignis appears from a hallway a bit shy like
“Hi, Gladio. Uhm, Kaji told me you wanted to tell me something important, but he refused to tell me-”
“Wait wait wait. Who?”
“Kaji.”
“Ignis, listen, I don’t know what’s with you but you’ve been acting very weird. Listen, if it’s because of what I said yesterday, forget it, really. You don’t have to act like you’re mentally insane or something as crazy.”
“…excuse me?”
“If you just want to say no, say no, no need to invent madness or anything.”
“Gladio, what are you talking about? Kaji said-”
“Who the hell is Kaji?”
“Kaji. Kaji Scientia?”
“….who?”
“My brother?”
Dead silence again before Gladio’s shaking the head. He’s going all dry and cold on Ignis.
“Your brother.”
“Yes. You talked with him yesterday and-”
“Wow. Wow, okay, you’re saying-” sarcastic laugh. “Your brother. Twin, I suppose.”
“Well…yes?”
“Fantastic. Great. This is amazing. I thought you were better than this, Ignis. I’m very disappointed. I understand I’m not your type, but to invent a twin brother just to pretend it wasn’t you I was talking to yesterday? Wow. You, you really are incredible.”
“What?”
“Your sarcasm really knows no limits. How incredible of you.”
Ignis is about to reply, but he doesn’t get to say anything and he’s just frowning at Gladio with confusion when there’s a yell from behind the Shield.
“HEEEEY GUYS! Did he already tell you!? :D”
Gladio’s turning around.
Kaji Scientia walks towards them.
Gladio’s eyes grow so wide his eyeballs almost fall out their sockets, his jaw drops so low it almost touches his chest, and he’s turning to look at Ignis, back at brother, Ignis, brother, and continues until Kaji stands at his other side so Gladio’s standing between the Scientia Twins.
Kaji’s all naive smiles and Ignis is all sarcastic raise of an eyebrow.
It took a second.
The Citadel had never ever before witnessed a louder “WHAT THE FUCK” in all its history.
It takes literally twenty minutes before Gladio can calm enough just to listen and half comprehend.
“IGNIS YOU HAVE A BROTHER!?!?!!? IGNIS YOU HAVE A TWIIIIINNNNN!?!?!?!”
“I thought you knew!”
“YOU LET ME TALK TO YOU ALL THIS TIME LIKE YOU’RE IGNIS AND NEVER CORRECTED ME!?!!??!”
“I thought you knew!”
“I’VE SPENT AN ENTIRE YEAR WITH THE TWO OF YOU IN THE SAME PLACE AND I HAD NO IDEA!?!?!?”
“We thought you knew!”
It’s yet another half an hour before Gladio comprehends better and stops panicking.
“WAIT A- WAIT. WAIT, DOES THAT MEAN THAT-” he turns to look at Ignis. “WHAT I SAID YESTERDAY I SAID…” slowly turns to brother without making eye contact “…I-I….I-I said…to you…”
“It was ADORABLE, you have to repeat the same words to Ignis because hnngffgf.”
“Wait, what was adorable?”
“Gladio wants to conf-”
“NOTHING.”
“Kaji, what was the important thing you said-”
“NO-THING”
“Gladio’s too shy but he wants to ask you-”
“I SAID NOTHING.”
And that’s the story of how Gladio ended up wrestling with poor Kaji Scientia while Ignis smacked Gladio to force him to let go and Gladio’s confused the entire time because he’s fighting an Ignis while another Ignis fights him and how in the world.
Everybody’s making fun of him for the rest of his life.
“I am surprised you only noticed when you had both in front of you. I thought you were an Amicitia but you may as well have been adopted.”
“Dad >:’‘‘( “
“Hah, you didn’t notice before? Pscht, talk about brute.”
“NOCT >:(”
“*insert a Regis joke about this all*”
“…your Majesty :’‘(”
“What a poor eye. And you call yourself a Shield.”
“Cor, stop >:’(”
Tbh it took Gladio a while to stop feeling flustered whenever he interacts with neither of them.
He’s profoundly embarrassed for not having noticed, ofc, but he’s also personally embarrassed with Kaji for not knowing his name or proper existance, and he feels personally bad for Ignis because he doesn’t want Ignis to think he doesn’t care about his personal life, so not knowing something like the fact that he has a twin makes him ashamed of himself.
None of the brothers mind, and they’re both moved by the way Gladio takes this so personally.
“Omg he cares.”
“See, he’s a good choice, say Yes, Ignis.”
“Omg no, I can’t do that.”
“But why, don’t be shy.”
“What if I’m not what he expects?”
“OMg Ignis he’s literally dying for you, he expects nothing.”
“Hnfgnmf, Kaji I can’t.”
“But he’s such a good choice for you, don’t tell me you don’t like him.”
“Well ofc I do but-”
“His face, Ignis.”
“OMG I know he’s so handsome”
“His physic”
“Hnfgmnf yes”
“He cares”
“I KNOW”
“GO TELL HIM YES.”
Basically Kaji is the romance devil on Ignis’ shoulder who whispers to him ‘yes omg do that’ when Ignis doesn’t want to do a thing.
The twin brothers are gossiping on Gladio matters.
After the initial weeks of flustering whenever he sees any of the two, Gladio starts just laughing at the situation and rolling with it.
As time passes, he still confuses them, though.
The twins are now doing it on purpose.
Sometimes Gladio will go with one and talk with him like he’s the other, and he won’t say a thing and will see how long Gladio takes to notice he’s talking to the brother of who he thinks he’s talking to.
“Wait, you’re not Ignis.”
“Ten minutes, two seconds.”
“Why are you writing that?”
“Ignis and I are taking note of how long you take to notice you’re talking with the wrong twin.”
“Wat”
His record is five minutes forty nine seconds.
The twins literally have a list for that.
The only moments the twins break the fun is whenever Gladio wants to get affectionate (if it’s Kaji).
I forgot, ofc Ignis said yes and now they’re dating, how lovely.
So, you know, sometimes Gladio mistakes Kaji by Ignis so he’ll be chilling and talking with him, and sometimes he’ll try to grab his face and smooch, but brother always yelps out like a pterodactyl and shoves Gladio off him.
“GROSS”
“Wha- WAIT YOU’RE NOT IGNIS.”
Kaji’s ace, btw, so no troubles there.
You can understand it’s sometimes super startling for Gladio because he has for sure this is Ignis so
“Haha, aw Iggy. You really have no idea how much I love you…”
“Eeeewwww.”
“…well aren’t you the most affection- WAIT YOU’RE NOT IGNIS”
“Twenty minutes three seconds.”
“Come ‘ere, you idiot! *bear hugs and tries to kiss his face*”
“EWWWWWWWWWWWWW AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! S O M E B O D Y   H E L P   M EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
“YOU’RE NOT IGNIS!”
“You’re so cute, Iggy. Come here, you moogle nose, adorable creature, sweet angel, my dearest heart, piece of my soul, part of-”
“UUUUUUGGGGH I AM DISGUSTED.”
“Wow, okay, no need to- *GASPS* YOU’RE NOT IGNIS, DAMMIT”
“Forty minutes, fifty three seconds.”
Ignis plays, too.
“So the other day I was telling him ‘So how do you expect me to know when you’re lying? You were raised a strategist, you’re too good keeping secrets but it’s not always a good thing’, you know”
“Uh huh”
“So I was like, ‘you shouldn’t be keeping things like that from me, you know I’m your boyfriend and your friend’
“Uh huh”
“And he was like all sass and class like ‘it’s not like I make any harm’ you know”
“Uh huh.”
“And then I was- ………….”
“……”
“WAIT YOU’RE NOT KAJI”
“Nineteen minutes, thirty four seconds. Also, your impression of my voice is pretty…unique.”
“So I was like ‘mother of Shiva, Noctis, you can’t do that’ but he was like ‘Eh’”
“Ah hah.”
“And the little shit almost convinces me to go to the arcade and skip training.”
“Oooh.”
“Yeah and I was like “Omg Ignis is going to be so angry at me.”
“Uh huh.”
“And it took a moment and I almost surrender but I didn’t give in to that.”
“Nice.”
“Yeah. Just don’t tell Ignis, the mere idea that I considered it will make him angry at me.”
“…..”
“….”
“….”
“….wait yOU’RE NOT KAJI.”
There was this once, omg read it
Gladio thinks he’s with Ignis and he’s ‘made sure’ according to himself, so they’re alone at the training hall and they’re a bit older and hormones are a bit crazy, okay
So some innocent smooching ended up heating up until he was making out with Ignis, and until he had the guy pressed to the wall.
And Ignis is gently biting at his lips and their tongues are a mess, and Ignis may or not have hooked a leg with Gladio’s and Astrals above the kiss is so good.
And then when they break apart it’s just for air and Gladio has the forehead resting on Ignis’ and Ignis then caresses his face and looks at him with dark eyes and some lust and then he says in almost a pur
“I’ve always had this fantasy and temptation. Always.”
“Really?”
“I’m so glad you’re giving in to it, too” so the brown haired in his arms and against the wall hugs him closer to whisper at his ear “Let’s just not tell Ignis. Okay?”
Gladio swears his heart stopped for five minutes.
Needless to say, he immediately broke apart, stared at whoever he’s holding, eyes wide and face pale, and he’s not even able to talk, he just mouths “…really?”, before the other guy gives him a little dark giggle.
Gladio fucking shoved him off himself.
“…you’re not Ignis.”
And another of those playful smiles.
He stepped away pretty roughly and only stared long and long and long before he could say or do anything.
“Kaji. Listen. This should have never…I didn’t- I don’t mean to-. Whatever you thought-…how could you do this? Pretend to be your brother, and then do this to me? And worse, you dare do this to him? Kaji, I don’t feel towards you like I feel towards him and I will never do. He’s…my only one. You look the same, but you’re not the same. So if you thought for a second that I’ve ever wanted…”
Kaji’s looking at him with teary eyes and a moved expression.
Gladio at first took it by sadness and he continued to lecture and nag him and it lasted about five entire minutes before he got an unexpected reaction.
Kaji started smiling.
It was very very clear he’s trying to contain it and he only looks at Gladio and he doesn’t seem ashamed or anything, just very very very amused and trying not to burst into laughter.
And then Gladio catches it.
“….wait…you’re-you’re…”
Scientia burst into laughter.
“Ignis! >:(”
“I’m so sorry, Gladio, dear, ahahahaha!!”
Gladio has the most perfect (ಠ ヘ ಠ) face that has ever existed.
Gladio was  (`ヘ´) all the rest of that day.
Ignis had to feed him Noodles so he could talk to him again and stop being all moody.
Tbh Ignis was particularly and especially cuddly and clingy with him for the following days/weeks, so #WorthIt.
“You care  (´︶`)♡”
“You know, you could have put me to test some other way, now I can’t look at your brother without feeling odd. Thank you for the trauma.”
Ignis regrets nothing.
Him and Kaji have had some good laughs about it.
Back to Gladio sometimes mistaking Kaji for Ignis and trying to be loving with him and Kaji screeching like a pterodatyl:
Every time this happens, Gladio gets super flustered.
He really doesn’t mean to mistake them, it just happens.
So he gets super flustered and embarrassed when he gets affectionate with brother.
He’ll burn red in the face like when he was sixteen, will lower the head, avoid eye contact, and be an apologizing mess.
Gladio never feels more embarrassed than in those moments.
He feels super bad and exalted.
This is Ignis’ damn own brother and Gladio almost smooches his nose, omg, earth please swallow me I cannot cope with the shame I am terrible
It’s already bad to have Kaji walking on in them cuddling
Ofc Gladio gets super mega incredibly flustered when he mistakes him for Ignis.
Gladio had no idea those levels of embarassment are possible.
They’re so big they stalk him whenever he thinks about any of those moments.
At least Kaji takes it the fun way and screeches.
Sometimes the Scientia twins like to go full fake drama on him if it happens that Ignis walked on in Gladio mistaking Kaji for him.
“*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH*”
“OMG YOU’RE NOT IGNIS”
Ignis, from the door: “*GASPS* Gladiolus!! You’re cheating on me!!”
“IGNIS! NO, I’M- *sigh* Omg please no don’t do this to me again”
“And with my own brother! :’‘(”
“Ignis, he’s forcing me!! :’‘‘(”
“Oh no! The misery! You cheat on me with my own brother and you’re forcing him into this!”
“Guys, this has never been funny >:’(”
“Oh Ignis. Brother of my blood. I cannot look at you anymore.”
“Oh, brother of my soul, do not talk like that. It was not your fault.”
“Oh, brother of my heart-”
“GUYS >:’‘(”
“- please *unnecessarily super mega dramatic* forgive me.”
“I forgive thee, brother.”
“Oooh, Ignis. You merciful soul *hugs his knees*”
“COME ON THIS IS GETTING OLD”
“Brother, shall we go and comfort each other and leave this heretic to his own luck?”
“Yes, we shall. Give me your arm.”
“Guys, please”
And that’s how the Scientia twins leave for an ice cream leaving Gladio behind just for fun.
How has Gladio not gone mad
“Excuse me, Iggy-”
“Not Iggy.”
“Sorry, Kaji. Uhm, Iggy- wait you’re Kaji.”
“Try again.”
“…so…Ignis? I- wait no, Kaj- no, wait I am confused.”
This is usual.
“Ig-”
“Not Ignis.”
“Sorry. *is about to leave* Wait. Are you sure you’re not Ignis trying fool me to think you’re not Ignis just because you’re busy?”
“You’ve got me. I’m Ignis.”
“…wait are you Kaji covering your brother?”
“*sigh* You’ve got me again. It’s Kaji here.”
“…wait.”
This is super usual.
Sometimes Kaji helps in their relationship.
He’s Ignis’ confidant, so Ignis tends to tell him most of his stuff he doesn’t talk to others.
Stuff from his relationship with Gladio, for example.
Kaji knows both mean only good for each other and that Gladio’s a good guy, but he’s also aware misunderstandings and accidents happen.
He’s also very painfully aware of how much Ignis can ignore himself or think himself obstacle or a bother, so brother understands sometimes Ignis doesn’t open up to Gladio in matters that he should and only tells Kaji.
Guess who can’t keep the mouth shut.
Kaji wants their relationship to work out bc of how aware he is that these two are sincere with each other, so he assumes it’s fine to sometimes give a hand into it.
This one day, Gladio’s going around and Ignis approaches him, looking a bit embarrassed/upset.
“Uhm…Gladio…I uhm…here.”
He’ll just hand a folded paper and leave.
The note contains a polite message from Ignis saying something like ‘It’s all okay, but I didn’t like your comment about (X) last night. It made me feel a little sad. Sorry I tell you via this. I’m not upset, I only wanted to let you know. - Your Iggy’.
Did I mention Kaji has mastered how to fake Ignis’ handwriting and that that was not Ignis?
Gladio’s usually going to look for Ignis, apologize, and hug him.
Ignis has literally no idea it’s Kaji’s doing.
This is usual.
It doesn’t really matter; things get solved and his relationship with Gladio improves.
And the best part is that this eventually gives Ignis the confidence so he himself opens up to Gladio later in the future.
Best brother award goes to Twin Brother.
After entire years dealing with the Scientia twins messing with him both accidentally and on purpose, there’s a point where Gladio hits the limits that are past his limits and he can’t deal with this anymore.
“YOU TWO DO SOMETHING, YOU’RE TWENTY AND STILL LOOK THE SAME, OMFG, CHANGE STYLES, NE OF YOU BECOME GOTH OR SOMETHING, OR CUT YOUR HAIR, OR WEAR LENSES, OR SOMETHING, YOU CANNOT BE TWENTY AND STILL BE IDENTICAL FFS.”
“You’re right. It’s supposed that once we hit adulthood we’re supposed to shift and transform and look entirely different from our TWIN BROTHER.”
“Do not sass me, Ignis >:(”
“I am not Ignis.”
“DO NOT SASS ME, KAJI.”
“No, I am Kaji, he tricked you.”
“THAT’S IT, I’M DONE.”
Gladio’s grabbing the first one he reaches and starts messing with him.
Thing is this Scientia’s offering fight, so they end up wrestling and the event repeats itself and Gladio ends up wrestling one while the other smacks him, except this time he has no idea who is who.
Gladio didn’t reach to hurt, he aimed to mess with the hair.
“Ew Gladiolus what are you doing!? Let go of me, no, no!! What are y- eewww, why saliva!! Stop it this instant, I’m going to- kfgjnf, no!! What are you doing to my hair, stop!!”
And that’s the story of how Gladio invented Ignis’ sticking-upwards hairstyle.
This is the only way he can difference the Scientia twins from afar, understand him.
….sometimes the twins exchange hairstyles during a day.
You know what’s also very usual?
“Not that I complain or anything, Gladio, but all this talk on what you’re planning to get Ignis for his birthday makes me feel a little left out. You forgot mine.”
“*GASPS* NO WAY, KAJI, ARE YOU SERIOUS!? When was it!?”
“You don’t remember? ;(”
“Kaji, no, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I forgot, I’m-”
“….”
“…”
“…”
“You goddamn idiot, your birthday is the same fucking day.”
Kaji likes to make a drama out of what Gladio gifts him on their birthday.
“Of course. Ignis’ is better.”
“Of course not, just the thematic is different.”
“OF COURSE. Who says I don’t want a gift like that?”
“Kaji, he’s my boyfriend, I can’t gift you the same things.”
“Yes of course, because nobody loves poor Kaji.”
“Kaji you’re asexual.”
“Leave me alone to die out of loneliness and isolation.”
Just as a side note, imagine Scientia twins musical duo
I THINK I’M BREATHING FOR THESE BROTHERS I’m loving the visuals omfg.
Gladio likes but also hates when both brothers pamper him just to mess with him.
Like he has Ignis kissing his face and Kaji stroking his hair.
He has Ignis playfully biting at his ear and Kaji massaging his hand.
He has Ignis hugged to a side and Kaji to the other. Well, they are hugging him.
He has Ignis piggy-back style and Kaji’s clinging from his leg.
Ignis is smooching his face and he’s got Kaji koala-hugged to his back.
Too much love.
They’re identical.
Stop.
Romantically, Gladio loves only Ignis.
Visually, the gods damn, he has a pleasure buffet when he sees the Scientia twins together.
Kaji trained for Crownsguard too, so while not acrobatic like Ignis, he’s got the same body, basically.
Kaji’s identical to his boyfriend, were you expecting for Gladio to not like him at least visually?
Omfg how dare are these brothers so attractive.
You know the kind of impossible fantasies people have, as in, the one fantasy (in any sense) that they know impossible so it’s not a goal? Only just that, an impossible fantasy? As in something very wild they know they won’t look for, just fantasize about?
Gladio’s is, but of course, having these two for threesome.
Again, that’s only in his mental archives of Impossible Fantasies, not a goal and certainly not something he’ll die without.
Still, imagine the possibilities.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Maybe they Scientia agree.
I wanted to do Sister too, but I gave all my imagination to Brother so currently I don’t have things for Sis :(
But I have to point this out:
Gladio’s very, very, v e r y flustered about Ignis’ twin sister because
“This is what Ignis looks like. WITH BOOBS.”
You can tell Gladio’s constantly avoiding her because he turns red and all idiot and fights not to stare at her boobs.
It’s not her boobs, it’s not them why he’s staring.
It’s the idea of “this is what Ignis looks like boobiefied” what has him staring.
But ofc he can’t explain that to Twin Sister. But also can’t lie with “I like your boobs”.
I mean he likes them.
But it’s not that why he’s-
See, this is the kind of mess Gladio’s trying to avoid.
…Gladio may or may not have the same impossible fantasy here.
Do not judge me, have you looked at the Scientia twins!?!? Geez.
Hahaha, imagine Sis cuts her hair short.
So she looks even more like Iggy now.
“THIS IS WHAT IGNIS LOOKS LIKE WITH BOOBS.”
Why is Gadio thinking so much about that, anyway
This was so much fun to write, you literally don’t have an idea how much I enjoyed it, ahahah, aaaaaaaaaaah!!! (ノ´ヮ`)ノ*: ・゚
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS GOLDEN ENTRY, I’m loving all the visuals and I hope you did so too! o(≧▽≦)o
PS: ‘Kaji’ means Fire in japanese, or so said the internet. :)
Edit: Look at these two arts for the Scientia twins! Here & here!
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leoxrobertson · 8 years ago
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Opportunity for Writers!...?
My good Goodreads friend Arthur Graham asked me the following:
“Any good throwaway ideas for a book, like something you definitely won't be writing yourself? Also, can you write it for me?”
This is how I responded:
As usual, I started off trying to out-wit your response (“So essentially you want another book written that no one asked for/ will read?” was the best I came up with) but ended up settling on making a sobering point instead!
I’ll blog-post this also to maximise readership because as far as my experience goes, this is what I advise:
Any writer reading this should go sit down and write me a story called “The Acorn.” It’s as good a stimulus as any other. Calling it “The Acorn”, by the way, is non-negotiable. I’m a writer. I have convictions.
Writers have one week to do it. If the week passes and the story’s not done, bye bye. Oh, your kid, your dog, the connection wasn’t good, the idea didn’t come—do I give a shit? Bouncers outside Glasgow nightclubs told me the following when they spotted that I was clearly too drunk to let inside: “Try somewhere else.” (I say this to the writers, and it has the same implication: it won’t work here or elsewhere.)
If they write the story, they should then not just send me that story and think I should be thankful to have used any of their time at all, start blogging about it, ask me and others to like rate comment subscribe, no: that seems professional, but it isn’t.
They should wait a week, take another look at the story, see that it probably sucks, edit it if it’s salvageable OR write me a second story titled “The Acorn.” They should keep writing stories titled “The Acorn” until they have written the best thing they’ve ever written in their entire lives, just because some guy on the internet told them to!
Welcome to the creative process. Isn’t this how themed anthologies are formed? Isn’t writing more about grit, persistence, work, perspiration, than it is inspiration? Yes. Does a writer need to be an insufferable ponce in order to get a few words on the page? Talking about what she does, why she does it, what type of fucking pencil she uses, the difference she’s making? Absolutely not. Just get it done. Feed the muse anything and sit patiently awaiting what she gifts you (this is not poncery because it’s how the process actually works.)
Once you’ve spent a good deal of time discovering these stories inside you/ in the ether, about acorns, you realise, wow, so I could sit down any day and discover a story about anything?! Now you understand the importance of writing everyday. Now you’re hooked. Now you must. Now you are a writer. Because anyone can write a million-word novel without any restrictions on time or quality. Anyone can write A story titled “The Acorn” (I was going to say “a story about an acorn”, but it doesn’t have to be), but few have the tenacity to write five, ten, fifty, and pick the best. There’s no guarantee, even, that after fifty, any of them are good. (Unlikely, but possible.) Writers acknowledge this uncertainty, and write in spite of it. No one is asking us to do this, so we must impose the constraints on ourselves and take them seriously. Good writing loves constraints.
Okay so from here on out I start making up statistics to make my point. The statistics might even contradict each other, but this is a work of fiction: the point is the point.
For this anthology to exist, out of 10000000000 writers on this site, I’d need about 1000 to read this. That already disqualifies the project, but let’s assume they do.
Out of 1M words that get written for this project, we end up with 50k worth reading. This sounds wasteful, but it makes sense: we don’t know who’s writing what or why. 50k is miraculous. This is how we get it.
500 like this answer/post. 100 send me something. Pretty much all of them think I’m joking about them having to write even more than one story. I accept this not only because I have to, but because developing the abilities of writers as a result of this project is just a nice effect it could possibly have, but it’s not the goal. It’s a numbers game. I reckon 10/100 stories are good: I either get these from ten authors who’ve written ten stories or from a hundred authors who wrote just one each. What do I care? Despite how much writers complain about rejection, they do the bulk of the work themselves.
Of 100 authors, 50 send me something great. 10 send me something transcendent.
I encourage the 50 who were shortlisted. I’m sure I would love to sit and provide them detailed edits, find gentle, personalised ways to tell them to keep going, but who has the time? I’ll send them what I come up with. I don’t have to.
70 of the ones who didn’t get accepted send me bitter, angry retorts. But I’m a writer: it’ll take more than that to sully the experience. I can’t let it have me sitting around writing stories about narcissistic idiots just because they’re the majority. (Anymore!) Characters should be original, special, interesting. I’ll give these people no further attention. They don’t deserve it.
3 of the ones who didn’t get in thank me for my time and say they’ll read and promote what we end up making. I encouraged 50 in the hopes of catching these 3 writers in my encouragement net. These are writers who were almost there and will make it next time. Or the time after. Or the time after that. Or the time after that. Providing the next rounds of rejections don’t break them. They might.
I send edits to the remaining 10. If these anthologies take off, I’ll have the right to be a bit more strict about what I accept, and won’t accept anything that even needs editing. A few fight me on the edits. Sometimes that’s what writers do, sometimes it isn’t. We must have convictions without being dickheads.
I make us a book. We get disheartened because it takes six months longer than we expected, but it gets done eventually. Writers are patient.
Of the 10 who sent stories, 7 get as far as telling their friends and family, though I begged all of them to do it. Why am I the one doing the begging? This is as much their opportunity as it is mine. Whatever: I accept it. Someone has to do it. At least if it’s me, I know it’ll get done.
The 3 others, despite me having informed them of the competition they eliminated, are too shy, don’t want to bother anyone—and they won’t. 5 of them thank me for my hard work. 4 get actively involved in marketing.
Would I have a story in this book? Interesting question. If I decided “yes”, I would write and write until I had a story whose quality I felt was undeniable and then send it to those other writers to see if they agreed. I think the point is, if I decided “yes”, I would do anything to make it happen; if I decided “no”, I would do something else.
3 of us go on a tour. We are The Acorn. Who’s to say this doesn’t turn out to create a wonderful book anyway? Still doesn’t mean it will sell, necessarily. We just have to decide whether or not that was really the goal. If it doesn’t sell. It might! You might say that’s what makes it exciting. I say, you might as well see it that way, because either way, that’s how it is. A writer would choose to see it as exciting, just as a committed partner might choose to stay with their loved one, year after year, after the initial spark of ignition has faded and now she must decide, year after year, if it’s worth continuing to stoke the engine. Half of all marriages fail? I would’ve thought 90%. But that’s no slight on marriage. If anything it’s a testament to the robustness of marriage, because whether or not you’re intelligent, you can make it work—sometimes.
If we get frustrated, we just need to remember our pretty cool origin story. G asked R for a writing idea. What they did next will shock you.
Assuming 1000 people who are prone to calling themselves writers read this:
You think I’m not serious? PM me for an email address to which you will send your acorn stories. This single step of active participation has eliminated 90% of the writers. (Writers aren’t lazy, don’t make excuses, but most of the ones who call themselves “writers” do, are.) Those of you who get in touch, you have one year’s worth of weeks to write a great acorn story.
You won’t. You might not participate because you don’t know who I am: fair enough. You might succeed elsewhere, but if you haven’t participated because all of this sounds like too much hard work, I doubt it. If you are inclined to retorting bitterly and angrily to rejection—either through an email you actually send to an editor, or one you just write in your head—it’s either out of confusion, because you don’t know about the above process (if so, I hope this helped—keep at it, mate! Be one of the 3 this encouragement reaches!); or you do know about it, and you know you’re the one holding yourself back. I thought you were passionate about this. So did you.
Don’t get in touch just to tell me this was useful. That’s why I wrote it. Go write something else. In so doing, help me to survive with very little indication that I’m making a difference, let alone a positive one. Writers need this training. Also, I stopped caring what people thought about me long ago. I think that’s dangerous and exciting. Stating it outright might make me sound unlikeable. It might qualify as “telling.” But you’re a writer in my flock: we respect one another. You assume I was aware of these writing principles a priori and decided to go against them; you realise it would be inappropriate to point them out.
I’m away to write something else. Excuse me. After that, I’m gonna play Zelda: Breath of the Wild, until my eyeballs melt, as is my wont, after the work is done.
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woodworkinghere1 · 5 years ago
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My Month-to-month Edit – Penny Pincher Trend
Celebrity News Today -
CELEBRATING Our 20th wedding ceremony anniversary is simply 2 weeks away & I can hardly wrap my head round the truth that we’ve been married that lengthy!  We met in highschool after I was a sophomore, so it’s exhausting to recollect a time when he wasn’t a part of my life – although we’ve confronted some trials that just about broke us, I’m so grateful we selected to struggle for our marriage as a result of it’s actually one of many best blessings of my life.  We initially had deliberate to go to Hawaii to have a good time, however we don’t wish to threat being uncovered to one thing en route that we may probably carry again to my mother and father.  So, as a substitute, we’re going to drive to Canon Seashore and spend a couple of days mountain climbing, exploring & reminiscing in regards to the previous twenty years.  Should you’re from the world or have visited not too long ago, we’d love your ideas for excellent hikes to take, eating places to attempt, and so forth.
WEARING Coming from NY the place the July warmth wave is virtually insufferable, the mid-70 diploma climate we’ve been having in Portland has felt like a dream come true.  With the milder temperatures, I’ve been carrying a number of summer season knitwear (one thing that was just about non-existent in my closet earlier than).  This striped sweater is such an sudden combine of colours & I really like the refined flutter sleeves – I’m carrying it right now with my favourite high-rise denims, this headband and these slide sandals.  I additionally love this linen-blend cardigan (additionally in leopard print), this open-knit sweater (tank model right here), this v-neck pullover and this crochet sweater (additionally in rust).
SUPPORTING I’ve been sharing my ideas on social media about how I’m approaching anti-racism & the adjustments I’m making inside my family.  However, final week I acquired an electronic mail from a involved reader who wasn’t following me on Instagram and hadn’t seen any of these posts and it made me notice that I wanted to do a greater job of together with that content material on the weblog as nicely.  So I wished to share some corporations for these seeking to help extra black-owned companies.  I simply ordered this monogram pinky ring from Soko (I already personal a couple of items of their jewellery & the standard is phenomenal).  Should you’re on the lookout for new stationery, pens or a customizable planner, I extremely advocate testing Fabric & Paper – additionally they have a month-to-month subscription field for stationery lovers.  I’ve been carrying this lipstick nearly every day because it arrived (within the shade Unimpressed) & I really like that it has a matte end with out drying out my lips – try their full magnificence line right here.  Should you’ve not too long ago found some nice black-owned companies, I’d love to listen to your suggestions – please share within the feedback under!
BUYING Prefer it or not, face masks are right here to remain – since I’ve to put on one each time I am going out, I made a decision I would as nicely absolutely embrace this new accent & discover some enjoyable choices to go together with totally different outfits.  Although most retailers are promoting them now & there are many stylish kinds to select from, I don’t wish to lay our a fortune (I’ve seen some designer masks for over $100!).  I’d personally moderately have a number of extra reasonably priced ones that I can swap out so I’m not continually having to launder them.  Some beneath $5 kinds that I’m eyeing embody this floral print, this blue chambray, this animal printed set, this versatile 5-pack (youngsters sizes right here), this grey plaid & this ikat print.
READING I’ve had a tough time adjusting to a brand new regular now that we’re settled in Oregon – between caring for my dad, serving to my mother and father round the home, cooking all of the meals & making an attempt to get my work achieved, I’ll admit that it’s left me feeling slightly overwhelmed.  I couldn’t actually put a reputation to it till I learn this text about emotional burnout.  The guidelines she affords are so useful & I liked this analogy particularly: “Consider your stress ranges as a piggy financial institution – as soon as the piggy financial institution is full, you attain full exhaustion. Any coin you possibly can take away, whether or not it’s a penny or 1 / 4, will stop your piggy financial institution from filling as much as the highest. Be sure you’re saving area for the larger issues you possibly can’t management.”  Beginning right now, I’m implementing small adjustments in an effort to be extra intentional about organising a schedule that features self-care & one which I hope will assist create a greater stability for me.
LOVING I’ve been on the hunt for a stack of slim gold bangles for the summer season so I ordered these on a whim & I can’t recover from how superb they’re for the worth!  The width is precisely what I used to be on the lookout for & they’ve such a pleasant weight to them.  Additionally they are available in silver or a blended metallic pack and I would simply order all of them as a result of the worth is simply too good!  I additionally not too long ago picked up two new dainty necklaces (right here & right here) which might be good for layering & they’re each presently 40% off.
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