#I didnt realize how much I loved him until I saw the first trailer

[smoreal]

sorry for loving the mario movie. do you still think I’m sexy?

[maxxxineminxxx]

summer love || Eddie Munson

a/n: i am thinking about writing a few blurbs for this story like when Eddie realized he liked her and also maybe some memories from when they were young like when they first met. so let me know if you want those or if you have any other ideas.

summary : y/n hasnt returned to Hawkins since she was fourteen and on her first day back she bumps into her old childhood bestfriend who she hasnt spoken to or seen in years. They are having an amazing time until he asks one question. why didnt she return? warnings : fluff and some angst

Summer was your favorite time of year, cherishing the warm weather, the much needed break from school and being able to hangout with your friends whenever. But this summer was different. You had to visit your mom in Hawkins, Indiana and spend your summer there. The journey to Hawkins, Indiana, felt like a step into the past. The memories of those childhood visits were hazy, a blend of long-forgotten adventures and fleeting moments with your mom.

The small town welcomed you with friendly faces. Yet, you couldn't shake the feeling of being almost a complete stranger here. The memories were distant, and much had changed since your last visit at the age of fourteen.

The first day was as fun as it could be in the small town where you arrived at forest hills trailer park. Your mom greeted you warmly, but quickly headed off to work, So you opted to explore your surroundings. You set out to revisit the old places that had once been your havens of adventure and wonder. The book store.

The bell tinkled gently as you entered the bookshop. The scent of aged paper and ink filled the air creating an inviting atmosphere that seemed to embrace every visitor. You made your way past rows of neatly arranged shelves. You began to read the titles of the romance novels running your fingers along the spines, drawn to the promise of captivating love stories.

A shiver ran down your spine as you continued to scan the titles in the romance section. The feeling of being watched hung heavy in the air, and you couldn't shake the sensation that someone's eyes were fixed on you. Your heart quickened its pace, and you discreetly glanced around, trying to identify the source of your unease.

When your eyes met another.Your eyes locked across the bookshop, his gaze intense. He stood amidst the fantasy section.A strange sense of familiarity washed over you, a feeling that you had encountered before, though you couldn't place when or where. His face held a familiarity that teased at the edges of my memory, like a half-remembered dream.

You  broke eye contact and drew your attention back onto the book in your hands. Walking over to the cashier paying and walking straight out. As you were walking out you heard your name being called, turning around you saw him again. The guy in the bookstore. 

“y/n” he said but it sounded more like a question almost as if he was unsure. “Yeah” I replied back, sounding just as unsure as he did. “Woah uh you look different… you look good not that you didn't look good before but i just haven't seen you in like so many years i wasn't sure if it was actually you but you are and wow” the boy rambled on rather fast, not even stopping for air.

His features slowly came into focus, and a rush of memories flooded back.

‘’ Eddie?’’ you screamed as you launched yourself  into his arms and he hugged you back tightly.“You look so different, how have you been?” “Well you know, I could be better still stuck here, redoing senior year for the third time but other than that im just peachy’’ he said with a genuine laugh you smiled back at him. “Well third times the charm” you laugh. At that moment, you felt as happy as ever, grateful for this unexpected reunion.

It was a joyous moment, filled with laughter, as we strolled back to the trailer park, eagerly sharing stories and catching up on the last few years. you noticed a hint of disappointment flicker across his face every time you brought up a funny memory from your childhood. you did your best to brush it off, sensing there might be something more beneath the surface.

We sat down on my front porch and you looked over at him before he spoke. “Can i ask you a question y/n” you nodded your head.

“Why didn't you come back ? you told me you were coming back and that you would be here for the summer again, you came to hawkins every summer and then one day you just didn't show up. I waited for you at the bus stop and I wrote to you… but I never got a reply.”  

The question you had been dreading finally surfaced. you looked up at him with a sad smile and let out a shaky sigh. " I didn't want to be your friend anymore. I only came here every summer to visit you, my mom didn't care if i was here or not though she most likely would of enjoyed it more if i had just stayed at my dads. We had been friends since we were six years old and i started to feel different okay?’’  

1980 flashback 

Today was Eddie's fourteenth birthday. You spent all morning making him the perfect chocolate cake that you knew he was going to absolutely devour in five minutes. You had spent all weekend trying to find the perfect gift for him and settled on the Lord of the Rings books which he had been talking about wanting forever. You put on your nicest sundress, curled your hair slightly and even did some basic makeup. You weren't sure what these new feelings were. Why did you all of a sudden feel the need to look your best infront of him? You shoved those feelings down and headed over to his trailer. Gift bag in one hand and cake in the other. 

“Eddie” you screamed excitedly as the boy rushed out of the trailer to help you inside.

You placed the cake on the table and put his gift bag in front of him.you started singing happy birthday to him and he flushed red hugging you tightly.He was already eyeing the cake and bouncing with excitement. “You can open your gift first or we can eat cake first it's up to you birthday boy” you said to him 

‘’ I can multitask, how about we do both” he replied, overjoyed, grabbing plates and digging into the cake. Then grabbing his gift bag and opening it.you watched as he looked at the books with nothing but happiness. 

He jumped up from his chair and gave you a bone crushing hug lifting you from your chair.

“Eddie, I need air please’’ you said , hardly breathing at this point.

“Oh yeah sorry” he replied, letting you go and staring at you for a moment before thanking you a million times and placing kisses all over your face.you giggled uncontrollably and started pushing him away. You stared at him for a moment. Both of you are out of breath from laughing and smiles on your faces. 

Were you in love with your best friend? 

“ I'm really sorry eds” you said to him as he stared at you and hurt was all over his face.

“ i think- i think maybe i liked you” you told him truthfully he laughed softly The sadness that had clouded his face suddenly lifted, replaced by a glimmer of relief and understanding ‘’ i liked you too y/n” “ no eds not in a best friend kind of way… more than that’’ you said shyly 

‘’ i know’’ he said looking at me happily

“ what- what do you mean you know? I never told you and I tried really hard not to show it too. Do you know how hard it was not to tell you ! i didn't want to ruin our friendship because i thought it would never work cause we only saw each other once a year for a couple days and there was no way you felt the same” you rambled quickly not stopping for air once before he put his hands onto your face and smiled at you. you looked at him for a second before quickly looking at his lips. His lips crashed into yours and you smiled into the kiss. You felt like you were fourteen again giggling like a school girl with her first crush. 

In that very moment, you were overjoyed and you realized that the 14-year-old version of yourself had envisioned this scenario a million times, at the very least.It was a revelation you never saw coming. All those summers of concealing your feelings for the boy you had grown to care for more deeply than you had ever imagined possible were over. You didn't need to hide those emotions any longer, because it turned out he felt the same way. 

[archivistea]

please god post the pictures i dont play that game and i wanna see how bad they did that guy

HELPPPP okay yeah bet anything for u bestie

This got long I’m sorry

basically since na server is a year behind the cn server I remember seeing these last year and now it’s just like 😀 haha great bc THIS ONE is back again

so for na server’s first anniv it was like. first kiss themed i think 💀 I don’t play tot anymore but I did pull artem’s first anniv card and then dipped yippee

anyway for the second anniv it’s proposal themed ft. the first time they actually. well. bang 😭😭😭 jaw hit the floor when I saw the change in age rating like HYV HELLO

here r the pics from the trailer

yeah

since this is literally an otome game this kind of fan service is to be expected yk.

but when I watched someone on the cn server generously post their playthrough of the second anniv cards last year artem’s really rubbed me the wrong way and it wasn’t until I came on here and some of the tot blogs I follow also shared a similar sentiment that i was actually able to realize why!!

god I wish I could find the original post I’m thinking abt bc op made so many good points but

basically they made the socially awkward doesn’t know how to talk to women married to his work senior attorney at themis law firm into this 😭 and even tho artem’s my favorite and part of me is like “ahaha damn” at this art (it’s very nice art) it just loses a lot of who he is and how he would treat his relationship w mc (to me at least)

and to make matters worse if I remember correctly he proposes at his boss’ wedding 😭😭like the reason they’re all dressed fancy is bc they were literally AT Celestine’s wedding

I love her btw she’s artem and mc’s number 1 supporter

BUT ANYWAYS

Artem literally googles how to talk to someone you like and buys books on romance like he’s studying for an exam you really think he’s going to be this smooth

and he would literally never take that spotlight away from Celestine by doing that at her wedding even though she knew and wanted him to and was chill w it bc ofc she would

I just think there could have been a different way to go abt this story that could be much more meaningful 😭😭 and I’m usually not one to shy away from fanservice but. HES NOT ANOTHER JUMIN HAN

I didnt go through my mysmes phase in high school for this

anyway yeah that’s all

[kittyspring-creates]

Long ago back in 2016 or something ben ten omnivers was still a thing and i was super obsesses. Recently got reminded how obessesed so hers some headcanons i remember.

Warning for angst, mind sucidle tendencies.

° ben is bi

° in be 10 alien force he and kevin were having a secret relationship, it was mildly abusive emotionally as after being with ben kevin woukd openly pin for gwen. Without her knowing it was a push and pull of which tennyson hed end up with.

°when omivers started ben thought kevin had finally accepted he loved ben more and was going to stay in town. But the night he waved off his cousin for collage kevin admited he was going with her. Assentially breaking up with ben all together

° when ben met rook he was dealing with a break up to a relationship no one knew about so he admits to himself he wasnt the friendliest person at first. Also becuase he was dealing with abandenment issues and didnt really want anything one new in his life at the moment

° past headcanon when ben was like 13 he started realizing how much he hated his own body, assentially when cleaning out his moms closet he found out he liked the female aspect of things. Later that year finding out what trans was

° the first person he told was his grand pa as he was ashamed of how he felt, max talked him through all if the possibilities till they landed on ben was really a girl. In private max started calling him britney and ben really enjoyed it. Max even changed bens pronouns when they were alone.

° but becuase of the time, place they lived in and later ben being a galactic star he never felt comftorable with anyone knowing anything about him they didnt already assume. Expecially after and warning abusive father alert. Kirby tennyson found ben wearing lip stick it started a huge fight between the family to which ben let slip he was trans. His dad couldnt comprehend the idea saying the omitrixs messed up bens mind and when ben explaied the dna portion of how he felt kirby marched out to demand max abd the plumers change bens dna back.

°when he got to maxs trailer he was beyond reason and max was furious that he coulsnt just accept his child. It was max that gave his iwn son the ultimatime to accept his family as they are or to leave so they can grow in peace. Eventually Kirby left and ben blamed himself fir the divorce and his grandpa losing a son despite max telling him it was kirbys fault for blaming instead of accepting

° no one told the real reason fir the divorce just that the tennysons werent in love anymore.

°in alien force ben tried his best to be 'normal' when kevin broke his heart to many times he tried ti date juilie, she was cute and fit and loved sports like he did. She even disnt mind the alien thing. But there was no spark there the way he and kevin had which caused a distance to start in their relationship. Untill ben was avoiding her sometimes. In her break up story ben cane across way more selfish then he was but he didnt correct her, thats how he saw him and thats how hed always be to her.

° one thing ben gets annoyed with is when people push relationships in him. Like ester or kai and majorly when the four arm princess wanted him as a husband. He liked ester alot but enough to know it wasnt a good idea, he was use to girls falling for him at first then seeing how selfish he was or unattentive and getting annoyed with him. He usually waited it out till they stopped wanting to hang out

°with kai it made him uncomftorable. Sure she was strong willed and he loved that aboit people. But he also knew she disnt like all forms of him, she was meh about how he was born she was meh aboit most of his alien forms except ben wolf. Thats what she was in love with and he wonderes why no one else saw it. All they saw was that darn future version of himself that kept popping up.

°he hated his future self, he was all big and muscly and had a beard. Ben disnt want any of those. He wanted to be like his mom, slim and with an aura of grace, a good cook and makes a killer punch everyone raves about. A woman that glows from head to toe. But seeing his future self always made him feel hopeless.

° ben has a secret closet that he has for all the things grandpa and later his mom even got him. Lots of cute outfits, his mom got him a bra with build in breast not to big she says. After learning to tuck she got him more form fitting underwear when he asked ever so sheepishly. Sometimes hed wear the stuff only in the house. When he knew no one would come to visit. But its the tennyson house hold they always have someone dropping by unannounced.

°ben has special contacts for going out. Purple ones to cover his green eyes He'll put a sweat band over his omnitrix and it usually hides it well enough. He liked to curl his hair till its a curly version of his regular mop.

° when dressed up like this ben likes to go to clubs in the under ground city, there people dont really know human anatomy to much so when he ends up with someone for the night they dont question his body, but he never takes off his shirts. He'll be the first to admit hes kinda slutty but he likes it that way.

° ben didnt want to admit it but he was falling in love with Rook, he was just so diffrent from everyone ben met. There was no real pressure from him to be better or Rook losing his temper and there were times Ben was waiting for it. He was funny without knowing it. The way he talked or woukd even light up when he talked about his home planet. Sometimes he got a sad look about him when hed mention how farm life was like he liked the memories but didnt want it to be his life.

°when ben came with him to visit family he was over joyed that rook trusted him enough at that point he was starting to develop a crush. Imidiatly he adored Rooks siblings despite the large man being annoyed by them. When ben was told the story of rooks first love and watched as the two walked away for the celebration he tried not ti be sad about it. Saying its just a silly crush and rooks not his type anyway.

° later down the road when ben tried not to be hoplessly in love with rook. He found he when rook disnt like something it hurt him alot more then when other people didnt like him. When rook reveiled he wasnt fake fighting in the under ground city to throw off a villian at the time. It crushed ben to know he really felt those things about him. That he really thought ben must be a disapointment compaired to the galactic show that was broadcast about him. And after the fiasco with albedo ben pretending to be him. He didnt want to talk to rook after the fact. Knowing that rook couldnt tell the difference becuase he wanted ben to be something he is not. So despirate for ben to be this made up hero rook has in his head that rook couldnt even tell when there was an imposter

°eventually ben pushed it all down like he did everything else and pretended he was fine with it. But hes not ever fine. More times then he liked to count hed cry at night wishing things were diffrent that he was what everyone wanted him to be becuase he did nothing but disapoint people around him. Thats what he convinced himself

° as a last few notes for bens trans life. Durring one of rook shars visits her brother was to busy to really hand out so she searched for ben tto be her earth guide. Accedentally uncovering his closet of secrets. He was scared at first untill shar asked if they coukd get matching earth outfits since it seemed he was into girlish cloths. She didnt understand but ben never passed up the opertunity for a fashion show. They ended up dressing in matching outfits. Short shorts that went up to their stomachs and showed off their legs with a red pokadot white button up that was tucked in. Big sunglasses and a scarf tied in a bow for the mall, a long butter yellow dress with flowy short sleeves, flats and tied back hair with curled bangs for the park. Short overals and pink shirt with bens favorite dusty blue boots for hanging out at mr smoothy. And for their sleep over, bratz inspired shirts. Ben wire pretty princess symbol as he was a pretty princess and little pink shorts. Shar was given one with angel with angel wings and purple shorts to sleep in. They did all the sleepover things ben wanted to do. Taking quizes from magazines, doing eachothers nails, watching movies, having deep convos.

° in there conversation ben tells her about being trans and swears her to a pinky promis bot ti telk anyone. He goes on to tell her how everyday gets worse and he fells trapped in his public image and male body. About how he hates his future self. Shar tells him the future is never set in stone and he could be Britney Tennyson if he really wanted but bens afraid that his future version is what others force him to being ause no one can or has acceoted him for all of him before not his human form plus all his alien forms cause they are a part if him. Shar tells him stories if the farm and her neighbours transititons. How gender is never a box its just a way if expression on her planet. If someone says they are a girl then they are infact a girl no matter what their body tells them otherwise. Its the first time ben has openly cried infront of someone other then his mom and grandpa.

°shar tells him when he is ready rook blonko will be just as accepting. The two echange numbers and often share photos of what their doing with one another. Its nice to finally have a female frined and not a girl trying to romantisize him for a change.

°later down the road Shars wors were true. When Rook was infected with fistricks body chemicals, after their mission ben was told he had to watch rook till the effects wore off. It was alot harder for him to be aroind Rook as now he was exactly bens type. Meat head he loved em big and dumb and right now thats what rook was. All rook coukd talk about was going to parties until ben 'convinced' him to just go to bed. When he thoigh rook was asleep he left the mans home to go get ready for his own party. Dressing up in tight jeans a green crop top over a black long sleeve crop top. Hair extentions to make his hair way longer and a purple cap with his purple contacts. He left for this our door concert like party some people were having. In the mix of the crowed his good mood was ruined when he bumped into fist rook. Without thinking of how he looked he tried ti drak rook out if there lecturing him of how iresponsible he was being. It took rook a moment to realize it was ben dragging him and not just some chick.

When ben realized he was in one of his briteny otfits he started feaking out at rook seeing him like that. Fistrook told him to chill out that he was to uptight and ti not let a hot outfit go to waste. Some how convincing ven to continue parting and somehow parting with him. Eventually ben did calm down and rook started taking photos with bens phone of their night. They hung around the concert, went to a soap party and bounced in a trampolen full of foam, went roller blading, danced at an age apropriate rave, where rook dipped ven and in a moment of pure adrenilen kissed ben. Much to his suprise. But he couldnt dwell on it mich as he was dragged ti the next party.

° then ended up at a dennys where they ate pancakes till the sun came up. Both adrenilin hung over and to tired ti care where they were. Eventually they went their seprate ways. Ben crashed on his couch and woke up a few hours later remembering the kiss. He bulted up, changed to look like his public figure then raced out the door. But when he got to the plumers head Quarters rook was back to normal in the infermery as he didnt remeber the last few days and he was worried something was wrong. Till the grey matters explained everything and how ben watched over him. Rook expressed his thanks. Ben was disheartened by it all. Rook had no memory, no recelection of britney or the kiss and so everything went back to business as usual. Ben chopped up the kiss to being fistricks dna in rook and not an indication that maybe just maybe rook liked him to

[galindaelphaba]

Hii! I was rewatching rinas scenes of 3x07 and i realized gina keeps staring at ricky in the scene where her purse falls and they both go down to get it. It might be like a second but ricky looks towards the voice that calls them but gina keeps looking at him and so i was thinking then of the their next scene together in that ep and how gina wants to know what ricky was gonna tell her and i think she didnt believe what he ends up telling her about carlos but she lets it go cause it was a long day for her but she does smile looking back at him when they are leaving. That said, now moving to ep8 and the first scene they have together imo when ricky says about last night... And gina answers then ricky says is this about... And she answers ej right? I think she could be expecting smth else from ricky? Idk maybe im reading too much into it. But anyway my point is imo gina didnt know about rickys feelings until 307 not totally confirmed and then when he looks at her during kristoffs lullaby. And then in the flash forward we dont even see rickys confesion, do you think its gonna be brought up in s4? Imo it couldve been smth ricky confessed at some point during that month, even before they saw the trailer. But anyway when gina says she didnt saw it coming , do you think she saw it during ep 7 and 8. I mean my assumption is she knew about rickys feelings at least done of it in that time jump. What do you think? (Sorry if my thinking out loud is a mess lol)

Hi there - thanks for the ask - always love sharing my thoughts on the show.

So basically, I think that Gina was confused for most of the time. I'm gonna go back a bit to s1 & 2 bc this will help explain my answer a bit more. I think in s1 she knew he had feelings for her, but during s2 when he was with Nini she became convinced she got it wrong and that he never liked her (see when she says "trust me, i've been wrong before").

When we get to s3, gina has convinced herself that there was never anything there and that they were always just friends. So I think she was never looking at ricky as a romantic possibility, even when there was obvious flirting like the hearts racing scene.

I agree with you that in ep 7 gina has her realisation - i think she realised she still likes/loves ricky during wcat. and then in the coat check they share the almost kiss moment and she keeps looking because i think for her, she was realising maybe she wasn't wrong.

In my opinion, during the conversation they have at the end of the episode, she knows what ricky was going to tell her and that what he said about carlos is a lie (making the "there's nothing wrong with a friendly fib" line have a double meaning).

I think in ep 8, the "is this about... ej" both wanted to talk about the almost kiss, but took an easy out to make it about ej instead. While, their feelings are obvious to us the viewers, I think ricky and gina had a lot of trepidation and uncertainty. Ricky had seen gina with ej all season and they only just broke up the night before, he was not going to bring up his feelings if he didn't think she was ready for it (although I do think ricky may have realised in ep 7 that gina might like him back - I feel like that random segment in 'here i come' where he talks to ej and says his night was confusing was about that). Gina at this point doesn't really want to put herself out there, because of what happened last time ("you ever put yourself out there and get nothing back"). I think she is hoping for ricky to jump in and say it is not about ej.

So while, I think gina *knew* ricky had feelings she was confused about it because he never spoke on them. Plus we have the scene where he defends her against Channing, which I think gina took as them just being friends and her getting it wrong again. A lot of people take this scene as gina knowing ricky likes her and is just defending her, but I don't know I just read it as more confusion for her. I think her expression and the way she says "for the first time in forever" is sad and to me it comes across as - now I know where we stand and we are just friends. Then obviously the very next scene is Kristoff Lullaby where Gina 100% knew Ricky was singing to her. To me that was Ricky's confession (he always says it with song).

We might get a little flashback of them during the month in between opening night and the premiere (since Sofia deleted that insta where she had braids, maybe she was filming a flashback?). I don't think this flashback will be a Ricky confession tho, because in my mind that would cheapen/counter the point of Gina's confession. The great part about Gina’s confession is that she was confessing for herself and her own closure, rather than because she knew Ricky liked her.

[lokislittlesigyn]

// loki spoilers

This is basically a huge infodump on my thoughts about the first episode, because I doubt y’all want to sift through my trauma-ridden ramblings. I’ll make another post for the rest. This is just everything not related to the IW stuff/my reaction to that. It’s general thoughts, theories, musings.

1. When Loki gets first taken into the TVA. Is that Peggy Carter in the background? Others have suggested it might be. What would that mean??? Will we see the TVA fix the mess the Russos made with Steve/Peggy (not likely) or is it just a lookalike? Who knows..

2. A skrull at the main intake desk! Idk not super relevant just interesting!

3. I’m kind of glad they changed the... uncomfortable scene... with the robot burning his clothes off. He gets more time to react to seeing the machine itself, and he seems more shocked (”Now.. H-hang on just a minute.”) than angry (”Now hang on just a minute!”) i still feel.. horrible for him, i’m glad nobody Saw him and that the machine didn’t grab the clothes off, but still. Ehhh.. uncomfortable.

He is beautiful though, don’t get me wrong - I’d just prefer a shirtless Loki scene where he wants to be shirtless? let him do what he wants with his body?? he’s probably felt so out of control of his body, from being jotun to falling through space that any invasion of privacy like that hits extra deep...

That being said, I recognize the utility of the scene for the narrative - his lack of control, his literally being stripped of what he was before.

4. WHO IS THE MAN WITH THE CAT. What is his name. I love that he has a mug with his cat on it. But I want to know more. Who is he?

4.1 WHY DIDNT YOU LET LOKI PET THE CAT Please,,, I am begging you,,, let loki pet the cat and have something react kindly to him and purr all happily at his scratching behind their ears plea s e

5. The info sheet. Now this is just a little nitpicky tidbit, but in a previous promo they listed Loki’s height as 6′4 ft and weight as 525 lbs. This is taken directly from the comics if I’m not mistaken. However, in the actual show he’s listed as  6′2 (Tom’s height and Loki’s presumed height) but I don’t remember if his weight is the same. Is Loki 6′2? 6′4? please let me know i want to know how smol i am in comparison

6. His little aggressive shaking of the ticket at the guard makes me giggle each time.

7. The fact the turnstile hits so low on him reminds me,, I am short compared to him. Those things hit my stomach/waist. That one hit his legs. I am once again asking Loki to pick me up.

8. The cartoon with Miss Minutes introducing the TVA is wonderful, I love the art style especially. But it raises questions about Variants... I guess Variants can just, pop out of nowhere? Any action could be the wrong one? And then once you commit the wrong action you either get returned or pruned? Yikes??? And THIS ties into another thing later!

9. The trial scene. I have a hunch - a feeling, a suspicion. That one of three things may be true.

A. The Time-Keepers never actually existed. They’re fabricated, and now whoever runs the TVA is actually using the excuse of “The Time-Keepers decree it so!!!” to carry out whatever They think is right. The fact we haven’t seen the Time-Keepers makes me.. suspicious...

B. The Time-Keepers existed, but they have since passed on, however that may have happened. Now someone is doing the same as above, using the excuse of the Time-Keepers apparent dictations to run things.

C. The Time-Keepers do exist, and do run the timeline/TVA, but maybe they’re not infallible? Maybe the TVA info video is lying or incomplete in some way? Idk I just feel like, something about the TVA and how they run things has to be wrong. It has to? Something is off. Again, this will tie into another thought later...

I have no idea if any of these are actually true! But Loki’s questions of “Who’s in charge here? What do they do? What do you do?” punctuated by laughter leads me to believe he’s suspecting something too, or perhaps just trying to figure this mess out.

10. Seiðr/Magic. We see in this scene, Loki’s magic (”powers”) don’t work in the TVA. (and a quick side note, did he have to Flex like that? do you have to make me see Loki’s bare arms Flex like that? be still my heart. anyway please get that collar off of him and let him rest for five minutes) This makes me wonder.. Why isn’t Loki in his Jotun form? His pale skin and blue eyes are decided by magic, are they not? I suppose this is 2012, so perhaps Odin’s magic is keeping Loki looking like that. But if magic doesn’t work in the TVA, why would his spell reach so far? Clearly Loki’s magic isn’t what’s doing it. How is Loki not appearing as a Jotun? Is his Jotun form repressed - is pale skin his default now, rather than something hidden by magic? I need answers!

11. he sounds so scared about being “reset” please dont hurt him,,

12. cALLING LOKI A PUSSYCAT? (lokitty confirmed) I think Mobius was goading him (Mobius strikes me.. As extremely clever. He’s trying to push Loki’s buttons to see who he’s dealing with. At least, I hope so. Because if he really meant that “You were born to cause pain and suffering and death... All so that others can achieve the best versions of themselves.” and that line about killing Frigga??? No no no he is not guilty. He had no way of knowing what would happen. It wasn’t right to send Algrim up to Asgard (i think algrim wouldve found the way up anyway) but there was no intent to hurt Frigga. I really hope you’re trying to goad him, Mobius, because if you believe that I trust you much less. anyway i digress) but wow is he pushing Loki’s buttons a lot. I can’t... Blame him entirely, I understand he’s trying to make sure Loki’s on his side, maybe I’m just too soft for Loki idk. But some of that was very cruel to say. /:

12.1 AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT MOBIUS. That scene with the girl in the church?? Did that little girl kill the men? Is that young Sylvie? Or is she using an illusion to make herself look young and innocent? What’s going on!!!!

13. LOKI SNATCHING THE LITTLE TIME-TWISTER DEVICE AND STOWING IT IN HIS POCKET.... POCKET....... sorry sometimes i get so caught up about loki that i just say random words in between little noises and squeals,,, i am a silly thing

14. CASEY. CASEY??? That whole exchange is funny. Poor Loki, just trying to intimidate this guy so he can escape but - Casey doesn’t know what a fish is. to be fair.... thor doesn’t seem to know what a raccoon is... right?

15. That bit with the infinity stones is kind of funny until you realize

A. Natasha died for a paperweight

B. Tony died from paperweights

C. Loki was tortured for paperweights

D. Oh, and Gamora died for a paperweight too. And Vision. Need I go on?

Then it becomes less of exclusively “haha funny” and now it’s a mix of funny and pain and gosh, is that a good way to sum up being a Marvel/Loki fan sometimes...

16. Loki gazing at the timeline all “Is this the most powerful thing in the universe?” or something, i’m sorry i don’t remember exactly... made me think of a meme and i shall make it presently.

17. I love that Loki got to see examples of how his family loves him but the fact he’s all “I can’t go back.” really just breaks me. It’s like he can finally see they love him after all of this mess, and now he doesn’t have the chance. Please, please let him be happy. Give him some relief. This is the Loki that just came off finding out about being Jotun, falling from the Bifrost, encountering Thanos, attacking Earth, facing defeat, and now he’s being thrashed around in this wild place and has just found out he inadvertently caused Frigga’s death (he did not kill her: his actions, by mistake, lead to her murder, let me be very clear) AND Odin will die AND all the rest... And he wants to be with them.

18. Loki’s reaction to Thor suggesting the hug makes me soft. Please I want to hug this little mischief man so so so bad-

19. Skipping over the iw parts! That’s for another post because this one will be grossly long anyway.

20. “I don’t enjoy hurting people.” and “It's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear. A desperate play for control.” was all so, so validating. I’ve been trying to argue on Loki’s behalf for almost a solid decade. Seeing the show recognize that Loki’s not all just violence and hurting for “fun”, that he’s not unhinged and bloodthirsty.. Is so nice. It’s just so, so comforting. and it gives me hope for future episodes that they won’t go the route of “oh haha loki bullied and mistreated and stabbed thor for years!!! :)” loki cries during basically every fight with Thor and you want me to believe he stabs Thor for fun? absolutely not.

21. Theory.. Just another hunch.. So we know a fugitive variant, aka Loki, is running amok. Refer back to 8 and 9.C. What if the Time-Keepers never actually fixed the timeline into a single timeline? What if there are other timelines, and these different Loki variants have hopped over to the current one? Or, maybe the Time-Keepers did fix the timeline into a single one, and these Lokis are remnants from that huge time-war at the beginning? Time runs differently in relative spaces, they may have Just Left that war from their perspective!

I say Lokis and not Loki because we’re pretty sure there’s Female/Lady Loki, Old Man/King Loki, and possibly Young/Kid Loki. That’s at least three. From the peeks of Asgard and NYC we’ve seen from the trailers, I think we’re also getting an Asgardian King!Loki and Midgardian King/Vote!Loki. (unless our dearest variant is hopping into timelines and situating into them, but I doubt Mobius would let that happen..?) That’s five.

To further support this, keep in mind, I believe recently six (i think 6 regular and 6 rare...) different funko pops were announced for the series? I’m not sure if they’re in addition to the Loki and Mobius already released. If they are, there’s enough room for each Loki and maybe a TVA agent. One of the pops is supposed to have a buddy/companion I think? Maybe they’re making the cat guy into one, or maybe there’s something else (Throg, anyone?).

22. That is totally Lady Loki/Sylvie at the end by the way. Has to be. But why does she want the reset devices? Why did she snatch that TVA Hunter? Again, WHAT’S GOING ON

ANYWAY this was a very long post if you made it this far, I commend you.

[tthankstoyou]

Platonic hevans how would Sam and Kurt comfort each other after all their breakups on glee

I love this omg thanks for the ask! It’s all under the cut cus this got kinda long. Sam deadass dated like every girl on the show 💀

(I’m not doing Samchel bc I didnt watch any of their scenes. I feel like I shouldn’t talk about a ship I know nothing about haha)

Fabrevans breakup: Kurt isn’t at McKinley but he overhears Finn on the phone with Puck bragging about how he got Quinn to make out with him after school even though she’s with Sam. Kurt is like ‘HUH?’ and subtly asks Rachel and Mercedes about it at their next sleepover, which Fabrevans broke up earlier that day. Mercedes and Rachel tell Kurt all of the drama, including how they had a date to Color Me Mine planned for that night that Sam was looking forward to.

Kurt is looks at the time and see’s that there’s still two hours before Color Me Mine closes. Without much thinking, he gets changed into his clothes (since they’re wearing pajamas) and starts texting people for Sam’s address. Mercedes is like “and where are you off to?” Kurt says “I feel bad that Sam isn’t able to go to Color Me Mine anymore, I’m gonna ask him if it’s okay if I go with him.” Mercedes raises her eyebrows and Kurt is like “As two friends who love painting ceramics.”

So he pulls up to the Evans residence. Sam is surprised to see Kurt at his door. He asks what Kurt is doing there and Kurt is straight up like “To take you to Color Me Mine.”

Sam is dating Santana, so Sam says “I cant go on a date with you if I’m dating Santana. Although I think she’d be okay with polyamory if you give me a second to ask her.” Kurt is like “NO! I don’t want to date both you and Santana. I heard that you and Quinn were planning on going to date to Color Me Mine before you guys broke up... and I wanted to know if it would be okay if I took you... as friends.”

Sam says “A bro date to Color Me Mine. I like that. Let me get my jacket and I’ll be right back out.”

Samtana breakup: Sam wasn’t too broken up about their breakup, he honestly saw it coming. He didn’t even realize they were broken up until he saw that Santana was now dating Karofsky. He didn’t care that much, they barley hung out to begin with. But Kurt cared a lot, he wanted to make sure that Sam wasn’t feeling like he was cheated on.

On a night that Kurt was coming over to Sam’s hotel just to drop off clothes, he also decided to bring his laptop and lots of snacks. Sam was surprised to see Kurt bringing all of this stuff, but he wasn’t complaining. Kurt popped in a DVD of avatar that he bought on the way there and they spent the night under the blankets.

Samcedes “breakup” #1: I use the word breakup really loosely as they were never dating the first time around, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t love each other and ending things wasn’t painful.

Sam is living with the Hudmels at this time so Kurt can hear Sam crying from his room. Kurt knocks quietly on Sam’s door. Sam doesn’t answer so Kurt let’s himself in. He see’s Sam bundled under the covers and notices that he’s eyes are bloodshot from all the crying. Kurt sits on the edge of Sam’s bed and tells him that he’s always there for Sam as a friend. Mercedes may be his best friend, but that doesn’t mean he cares about Sam and his happiness any less.

Sam crumbles at this and sobs into Kurt’s shoulder. He tells Kurt all about how Mercedes sing Whitney Houston to him as a way to tell him that she couldn’t do this even though she loved him. Kurt tells him that everything will be okay and that this heartache won’t last forever.... which is true seeing that Sam and Mercedes go to prom together soon after that.

Bram breakup: Sam would, once again, be a sobbing mess. I feel like Sam would be super out of himself, Blaine and Tina are doing their part to cheer him up as their best friends, but Kurt feels like he should do something too seeing as he’s at home when it all happened.

Kurt takes Sam on a bro date, reminiscent of the one that they went on when Sam and Quinn broke up. Kurt takes Sam to see some movie that just came out that Sam has watched the trailer for like 50 times. Kurt almost falls asleep during the movie, but Sam is having the time of his life. It’s the first time that Kurt has seen Sam so happy recently. They leave the theatre and take a short stop to get ice cream. While eating the ice cream, Sam raves about the movie and how amazing it was. He’s already talking about bringing Tina and Blaine to see it with him the next weekend.

Samcedes breakup #2: Sam didn’t see this one coming, they were doing so well. He thought for sure that Mercedes would be the girl he married (spoiler alert: he does marry her, he just doesn’t know it yet).

Before Sam goes back to Lima, Kurt takes Sam out for brunch to talk about how he’s feeling about everything. Sam tells him that he feels like he gives so much love, but the world doesn’t want him to be happy. He tells Kurt that he had a plan for his future with Mercedes. He could see it all so clearly, she was the first person that Sam has dated that he could imagine getting married, raising children, and growing old together. Sam says that feels like he should just give up at love, because it obviously is never going to work out.

Kurt listens to Sam talk in detail about this all for a hella long time, only adding in comments here and there to make sure Sam knows he hasn’t tuned out.

At the end of Sam pouring his heart out, Kurt says “I know my best friends, which are you and Mercedes. I can see how in love you too are and how hard you tried to make it work. From what it sounds like to me, this isn’t a forever breakup. It’s an ‘until we meet again’ breakup, meaning that your story isn’t over. And don’t you give up on love Sam Evans, you are one of the most lovable boys I know. And I promise you that Mercedes hasn’t stopped loving you ever since the summer you guys had your little fling.”

Klaine breakup #1: Sam is in Lima consoling Blaine after the breakup, but he also can’t help but wonder how Kurt is feeling.

One night, Sam calls up Kurt on skype and asks him how he’s holding up. Kurt lies and says he’s fine, but Sam can see right through it. Sam says, “You’re not fine. You don’t have to lie to me” which makes Kurt break out into tears. He tells Sam how much it all hurts and how he never thought he’d have to feel pain like this. Kurt mentions how he feels like he’s not allowed to be sad because he has to help keep Rachel’s spirits up, but it’s just so hard. All he wants to do is have his best friend huh him and help him through his heartbreak.

That gives Sam the idea of visiting New York for the weekend. Sam buys plane tickets with money he’s saved up from working at the tire shop and shows up outside of Kurt’s door on Friday night, completely taking Kurt by surprise. Sam immediately gives Kurt a huge ass hug and tells him that he’s there to help keep his mind off of things.

They have a great weekend, Kurt takes Sam to places in New York that they didn’t see at Nationals two years prior and also takes Sam to all of his fav hidden spots in the city. One of them being a cute little bakery that he spends his mornings in when he doesn’t have anywhere to be.

Sam and Kurt spend Saturday night watching musicals, while Kurt tries to hold back tears because they remind him of Blaine. Sam notices this and makes Kurt turn it off and instead put on Avatar. Kurt is like “Excuse me?” but Sam says it’s because that’s what Kurt did for his breakup with Santana. They might as well make it a tradition.

Klaine breakup #2: Just like with the previous breakup, Sam skype calls Kurt. It’s something they’ve been doing regularly, it helps keep Sam up to date with Mercedes and helps keep Kurt up to date with his dad and Carole.

Sam logged onto this call knowing that they’d already broken up, he got the info from Blaine (since they’re besties). Unlike last time, Sam isn’t able to easily take a day few days off to fly to New York for Kurt. Things at school are ramping up and he’s been needing to work longer hours. So all that he can do is give his support through the computer screen. They stay up all night talking about anything and everything.

Kurt is trying to skate around the topic of the breakup, but he knows that he has to mention it at least once that night. Before the call ends, Kurt let’s Sam know how he’s doing with it all. He tells Sam that it’s painful knowing that the man that you love isn’t the man that you will marry. Sam knows exactly know he’s feeling, as he felt the same way about Mercedes. They fall asleep while on call, Kurt wakes up first and smiles at the sight of Sam’s sleeping face.

[midyearflowers]

ok normally i dont like looking at leaks but i couldnt help myself with age of calamity and so i watched all the cutscenes as a movie and i have thoughts (heavy spoilers ahead obvs)

oooooooohhhhhhhhh my god. look i dont even care that they retconned botw’s canon getting that happy ending was awesome. like yea im disappointed that its more of a fantasy version than what actually happened but also i didnt have to watch all the champions die horribly and alone so i think its a good trade off. it was kinda expected cause the warriors games arent actually direct canon but whatever. im still absolutely gonna get it once i get a switch (god knows when that will be) but im excited for the gameplay. the demo looked fun, and the story is pretty fun too tbh so im gonna love playing it for myself. i definitely wanna check out all the boss fights, especially the final few

the champions of the future coming back in time to help the champions of the past was a great touch and yes i cried like a baby during miphas section. she gets to see her baby brother all grown up :’) also when sidon shows up going “no you cant take her again” my heart shattered. theres definitely a split timeline cause the future champions obviously mean that the real calamity happened, and they acknowledge that in their future the champions are gone (nintendo came to my house and killed me instantly with the zora stuff i swear to god) them then getting sent back to their own future aka the doomed one was kinda bittersweet cause like they get to see and assist in a victory but they dont actually get to keep that happy ending so its like F

the fortune teller dude never got a name i think, but he wasnt too remarkable tbh. there wasnt really any backstory about who he was and how he was related to all this and how he even came to be working with the yiga clan. or how he got a hold of the corrupted egg guardian/how it ended up corrupted in the first place. so that was a little disappointing but since he died at the end im assuming he doesnt have any importance in actual canon so it was probably just “we need a mastermind behind it all and kohga aint it” kohga realizing that he was on the wrong side and joining the good guys was nice imo. after seeing the fortune teller literally rip the fucking souls out of the yiga members (that was fuuuuuucked up) he knew he messed up and had to help stop what was put in motion. i know most people dont like 180s for villains but i like them so.

holy shit this calamity ganon form was so much cooler than the base game!! like damn dude we couldve had it all but instead we got fucking macgyvered frankenstein spider shit. this form looked so much better, it had the signature hooves and was mostly humanoid like ganondorf or bipedal beast ganon. the red hair was there and the way it was styled i got major demise vibes which is awesome, it kinda feeds into the theories of this ganon and what we saw in the sequel trailer

i still hate the king tho. we at least got him admitting to zelda that he was being an ass but the flashback with the egg guardian having been built/repaired by young zelda and shared with her mother then being taken away by the king seemingly right after her mother passed away (basically the equivalent of taking a childs comfort toy away saying “youre too old for this/this is garbage”) and i will never forgive him for that. no amount of apologizing could make up for how he treated her, especially from such a young age after experiencing the death of her freaking mother. like i get youre grieving and have to prepare your kingdom for a huge threat but maybe have some compassion for your daughter? maybe? just a little??

the way zelda awakened her powers in this story was great too. still happened cause she wanted to protect link but her refusing to run and leave him to die so she can live hit right in the feels. despite having no fighting skills or powers she wanted to act instead of run. anyways i love and stan this incarnation of zelda

overall it was a very epic feeling story and im pretty pleased with it despite the changes they made. i knew not to take it too seriously from the start, its just a fun button mashing game where you take out hordes of enemies at once but set in the old hyrule. i cant wait until i can play it for myself

[all-hail-the-witcher]

cats the movie was created by the mafia and here's why

so since one (1) person said that they still wanna hear this theory imma post it

first, the reviews of cats are so mixed, it's confusing. im not even sure if everyone is talking about the same movie. lets look at some of the more wild ones:

but then i found these two:

both of these reviews (the second one especially) explicitly mention celebrities, which, made me think of a conspiracy theory

i once watched a video (i think it was a shane dawson one) where he discussed how people believe that it could be a possibility that the government uses celebrities and their scandals to distract the population from their wrongdoing and general mishaps. that being said, lets unpack what we know about cats:

-cats themselves (as in the animal) are generally very cute and people find them funny. it is commonly perceived by some that the internet - youtube specifically - is “that place with the cat videos” and people are very entertained by them (think about tik toks, twitter and tumblr threads, vines, and ig accounts) and even interact with cats if they happen to be allergic to them. it is safe to say that the human population has somewhat of an obsession with cats. 

-cats the musical is generally misunderstood by a lot of people. i have never actually seen it but from what i understand its a musical about cats competing to see who will die and theres one good song (memory). the internet has gone about about “what the heck is cats even about” for many years before the movie came out in the form of memes and other random internet jokes.

and now lets address the us government. right now most people agree that its plenty shitty for various reasons. even people in other countries Dont Get It. (im not going to get too into it because chances are if you have an internet connection you've heard about the shit the us government has done recently)

now. onto the movie itself. (hang onto your hats this is where it gets wild)

according to google, cats is a british american film. it is a well known fact that america was originally colonized by the british and we gained our freedom in 1776 (i really hope thats not news to you) but the war didnt end until the british surrendered at yorktown in 1781 and the treaty of paris wasn't signed until 1783. the british were notoriously salty afterwards, continuing to pirate american ships and do other generally annoying things which resulted in the war of 1812. it was not until after the war of 1812 (which officially ended in 1815) that the british recognized america was independent and actually started respecting them. britain and america were also allies and have famously teamed up to stop people from taking over the world (ie ww2 amongst others).

youre probably wondering what the hell this has to do with cats. stick with mw, we’re getting there.

in the weeks after the 2016 election, there were many memes circulating the internet along the lines of this:

needless to say, it was a wild time for america. 

now, admittedly, britain was Also in the midst of their own wild time because of brexit, but somehow the election results managed to kind of overshadow that (at least in america). 

so lets review some Important Dates:

-june 23, 2016 -> brexit is proposed

-november 8, 2016 -> 2016 election

-march 2017-> britain formally announces leaving the eu

additionally, in 2016 the worlds biggest superpowers were (in order) the us, russia, china, india, and the uk.

now, onto my theory.

the mafia has always notoriously been trying to be stopped by the government for their crime and is a strange organization with a lot of money. the mafia Does still exist although mostly in new england. since 2016 there has been a disconnect between the government and the people due to the staggering amounts that do not support the current president. the mafia may have seen this as an opportunity to overthrow the current government/president and cabinet and place their own person there so that they wouldn't get as much shit from the government. 

this theory does get a little bit complicated regarding the presidents suspected ties to the mafia. however, the mafia is very powerful and i have no doubt that they could have somehow blackmailed trump or implemented false records in order to depict the president falsely. or they could have tricked the president into working with them in order to gain secrets to help them overthrow him. the possibilities are endless. 

so in the time between the 2016 election and when britain formally announced leaving the eu, the mafia probably had some time to scheme a little, thinking up possible ways for them to overthrow the government. 

after britain announced leaving the eu, someone in the government must have realized that it was making britain widely unpopular and they should do something to clean up their image. so they take a peek around and happen to notice that america is royally fucked cause of the president and there are people threatening to move to canada cause of it.

but why is any of this of importance to britain?

well, britain used to be the top world superpower before ww2, but then were beat out by america both after the war and when they announced nsc 68, a plan to make amerias military stronger and provide aid to american allies being threatened by communism. although britain and america stayed allies, it is likely that britain may have been a bit salty about this. and, if they could somehow get rid of trump and weaken the country this may bump the us from the lead world superpower and (if they were lucky) also russia and china who the president was more or less involved with.

low and behold who has the same desires? the mafia.

so the mafia and britain team up to defeat the us government. but how will they do it?

my friends, that is where cats comes in. 

as stated, the government has previously used celebrity scandals to cover up and distract from their own. the mafia and britain would not have wanted to make this seem like anything out of the ordinary, so they decided to implement this form of distraction, but twisted it into grotesque exposure. but they needed a vehicle in which to use this

if you refer to my information on cats from before, american people love cats and cats the musical is a somewhat loved classic that makes little to no sense. additionally, theater fans have recently been calling for screen filmed shows so they dont have to spend lots of money on tickets (see newsies live and bandstand) so in order to pass this off as normal they chose to use cats.

howmst ever, they needed to make the american people not like cats anymore so that they wouldn't be easily distracted by them. how to accomplish this? make the cats in the movie cgi celebrities. 

the celebrity lineup of the movie is quite impressive, containing the following:

james corden, judi dench, jason derulo, idris elba, jennifer husdon, ian mckellan, taylor swift, and rebel wilson. 

these celebrities were all chosen for the type of audience they would draw in so that it would be as vast as possible. (old people, young people, middle aged people, etc).

the mafia paid these celebrities handsomely and coerced them into being in the movie. 

now, lets discuss the timeline. 

the movie itself premiered on december 20th and the mafia and britain would have begun creating it as soon as march of 2017. scripts take up to 12 weeks to write, putting them at june of 2017. pre production takes 10 weeks, putting them at about halfway through september 2017. it takes about an average of 10 weeks to film, putting them at december 2017. and, according to pixar, animating a movie can take between 4 and 7 years, however, the reviews have stated that cats only took about a year to animate the movie, putting it at about december 2018. this would give the mafia about 7 extra months for any needed editing or fixing between when they could have hypothetically started and ended the movie itself because the trailer came out in july of 2019.

they would have wanted to release the movie just before 2020 because that is when the next election takes place and they would need everyone to be immune to propaganda. 

the mafia and britain creating cats explains a lot of things such as:

-why james corden has not gone to see the movie

-why the animation is so horrifying

-why the movie was made in such little time

-why the celebrities in the movie are actually in the movie

-why the budget was able to be so large if it was an epic flop

-peoples general confusion as to why the movie was even made

see, they would have known that even if not a lot of people saw the movie, it would have made headlines just because of how bad it is, terrifying people of both the celebrities in it (remember this includes james corden, a prominent talk show host and taylor swift, one of the top song writers) and of cats themselves.

in conclusion, cats was filmed by the mafia and great britain in an attempt to overthrow the us government.

be careful who you vote for in 2020.

[chimbu617]

A HTTYD Micro Memoir of the Past Ten Years

     It was 2010. I was 8. I just moved to a new town and as someone who was bad at trying to talk to people, I spent all my free time in my imagination and/or with my brother. He was my best friend and we did everything together.      My parents weren't big on going to theaters especially with an 8 and 12-year-old. So whenever we watched the newest, latest movie it was always through Red Box, they somehow always got for free. They rented two movies. I don't remember how they picked them out, if it was their or mine and my brother's choice. One night, after dinner, they popped in a disc and played the movie for us. I vividly remember how I felt sitting in our faux leather couch, cuddled up with a blanket in a dark room, focused on the movie.      The camera swoops in over a vast ocean in the dead of night. Pillers of stone carvings extruded out of the water with fire burning inside the mouths. In the distance, a beautiful island inhabited with wooden shacks. Small specs of fire can be seen in the village. Over this is a voice-over by the lead character, "This is Berk." A line that will follow me throughout the next 10 years of my life.      I spent the rest of that year dreaming of owning a terrible terror and have a friend to explore my world with. Of course, that was virtually impossible. Jump to 2012. I was 11. The first episode of Dragons: Riders of Berk aired. My brother and I begged our parents to record the series and we watched it religiously. We jumped into my bed turned on my tv and grew immensely excited for this world we both developed a love for.      I remember how I watched Heather first be introduced and immediately hating her character from the moment she was on screen. I created a self insert character where "I" washed up onto berk after a shipwreck with amnesia. I always thought that Heather stole my premise and then ruined it by betraying the main characters. I now enjoy her character and look back on my childish foolishness.      I guess my mom at some point stopped recording the show after my brother moved out and I grew out of the show, but not the fandom. 2013, I was 12 and just started 7th grade. The teaser trailer of the second movie came out and I watched it with awe. I was conflicted by the redesign of Hiccup yet I probably watched that trailer more times than I could count. I met my best friend and we both spent our time in science class drawing. She convinced me to start drawing actually. I spent that time drawing and watching crack compilations for Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons.      I never stopped my love for the world despite not having a lot of content to fill in the void in my heart. I ended up teaching myself Viking/Celtic runes, so I could read the text in the movie and show. It was 2014 when I taught one of my friends in my 8th grade English class the runes so we could pass notes in class. We wrote notes that absolutely made no sense but had so much fun knowing that we were the only ones who understood it. Our teacher caught us passing the note and took it from us. The look on her face was priceless. She looked frustrated and confused. She gave us a baffled look and continued on with class without a word.      I wasn't able to watch the second movie in the theater either. I ended up pirating it off some streaming site. I laughed and cried. At his death, my parents came in to ask if I was ok.      Several weeks after my 14th birthday in 2015, Race to the Edge's first season was released onto Netflix. I ended up binging all of Riders of Berk and Defenders of Berks in a few nights. I cried when I saw Stoick alive again and revived my undying love for this franchise.      January of 2016, my brother called me and asked if I had seen the new season of Race to the Edge. I ended up watching only a few episodes before falling out of interest in the series.     In December of 2017, I decided to catch up with the show. I would wake up, go to school, go home, did homework, binge as many episodes as I could and repeat. Soon after I finished it was 2018 and the new and last season was released. I had my friend come over to spend the night and I straight up said "Sorry, but I want to watch this" and she had to sit there and watch the show without any context of prior seasons. For Halloween that year that same friend and I ended up dressing up as Hiccup and Jack Frost. My mom gave me a stuffed toothless she was holding for Christmas for my costume. Some older lady told me she liked my plush cat.      When I found out about The Hidden World coming out my friend group and I decided to go see it in theaters. I accidentally overslept that day and rushed to the theaters where my friends were waiting. One of them ended up buying a ticket for me, refusing to accept my money when I offered to pay him back. There aren't words to describe my emotions in those few seconds the Dreamworks logo played. I was excited at being able to finally see one of the movies in the franchise in theaters. Although I started to feel my heart being pulled apart by tiny strings attached to the muscle. I then realized in that small amount of time that, this was it. This was the end. No more. That everything I watched, learned, waited for was for this moment. The dragon classes and types I learned, the runes I used, the music I would close my eyes to and imagine I was in a different world, and the reality in front of me ever since I was a child that I could never live in this world. It was all in front of me.      The movie played, and sure I laughed at Tuff, watched in awe at the beautiful plant and sand animation, cried at their parting, and rejoiced at their reunion. As I left the theaters though I couldn't help but think, "It was better than expected but not as good as I hoped". Whenever someone asked me my thoughts of the movie I would tell them those exact words. Looking back now, I don't know what I hoped for it to be. A happier ending? No, I came into this expecting the loss of dragons. A more interesting villain? I can't think of any better villain for the context of the scenario. I left it as such. I hoped for better yet knew not of what I hoped for.     It was winter break in 2019 and I left my dorm to go home and visit my family. The first night I was back my mom said she recorded something for me. I sat in the recliner as my cat snuggled into my lap and my mom started up Homecoming. I appreciated the fact that my parents haven't seen the second or third movie, yet sat through Homecoming with no context for me. This last Thursday, the 19th of March, I was working on my theater assignment mid-quarantine and randomly had the desire to watch Ratatouille. As I finished the film it reminded me of How to Train Your Dragon. With the whole human and animal bond that overcomes the differences between the two species to work together. I ended up wanting to watch the film again. As I watched it, I thought to myself, just the first movie, right? As I started The Hidden World, I thought to myself, just the movies, right? As I started Riders of Berk, I thought to myself, just the pre-time skip series, right? As I started Race to the Edge, I thought to myself, I need to drop my Biology course since I'm gonna fail.      When I rewatched the third movie all my original doubts on the film vanished. At the end when Hiccup decided to let Toothless go, I didn't cry. But, when Hiccup tells us, the viewer, that dragons were waiting for us to get along, I sobbed, more than I did any other time watching the entire series in the last 10 years. I realized two completely separate things. We as humans will never earn the right to have dragons, as we will never get our crap together. We are filled with corrupted morals and mindsets and will ruin everything and anything we get ahold of. The second thing was something I experienced earlier. Though I was afraid of the end I was so used to things claiming to be over and then the creators ending up making more for a cash grab. In that moment of watching 30-year-old Hiccup throw his son into the air, I realized that this was it. This was the end. The end of the movie, the end of the story, and the end of a large part of my childhood.      When I graduated high school I cried in my car after our practice run. I was growing up and I would have to be leaving everything I had known until then behind. It was Troll Hunters a series I started before I moved into my dorm that helped me calm down and move into a new place. It helped me understand that I can't just change and leave what I love behind. I can take it with me beyond this line I drew myself. The past few days changed that though. I couldn't take my beloved world across the line with me. It will forever be chained into my past as something I can look back on yet have no expectations for any future with it. I cried because there was nothing in my hands that I could do to keep what I loved with me. But, with Stoick's words "With love comes loss, that's part of the deal. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end, it's all worth it."      Thank you How to Train Your Dragon. You have given me so much. More than I could say. More than I know. We have grown up together, but now it's time for both of us to move on. Time for me to let you go.

Whoever stuck around until the end, thank you. I felt I had to write this as my fingers were itching for it. This is just a first draft but I doubt I’m ever coming back to this. I wanted to do something for the anniversary but like I said I didnt start getting back into httyd until the last 2 weeks and I just found out. I wrote this in like 2-3 hours, and I’m suprised at myself for powering through it. I’m still working on writing personal memoir pieces so excuse my skills. Anyways thank you again and Happy Ten Year Anniversary HTTYD!

[kyber-kisses]

Life Line

(Gif not mine, credit goes to owner)

Thor x Reader

A/N: because I literally feed of angst and the Avengers Endgame trailer delivered I felt like pumping out angsty avengers fics. As always I do not own marvel or any of its characters.

Warning: ANGST

Summary: After Thanos destroyed the asgardian ship Thor presumed you to be dead, but what happens when You show up on earth with an old friend?

You stepped off the ship slowly, inhaling the fresh air. It felt good to be back. It took a long time but you were back. Your two feet reunited with the soft grass of the compound. You never thought you would be back. Especially when Thanos almost killed you all those months ago on the Asgardian ship. You turned to look at Valkyrie, who raised her eyebrows.

“This is earth? Its nicer than I thought it would be...” Her eyes taking in the green grass and blue skies. You rolled your eyes at the female next to you.

“Y/N? Val?” You heard a voice across they yard, turning your head you could see a figure rushing across the lawn towards the both of you. Your eyebrows knitted together as you tried to figure out who it was. Valkyrie beat you to the answer. “Bruce?!” sure enough as the person got closer you could see that it was in fact Bruce Banner. Bruce rushed forward, pulling you both into a bone-crushing hug.

“Easy there Hulk.” you joked, slightly gasping for air. Bruce quickly pulled back.

“Sorry.” He chuckled. “ I though both of you were dead. The ship. Thanos.” He stopped, looking at both of you.

“Valkyrie got us out in time. We had no idea where we were though.” you continued.” We eventually found our way though.” Your face fell when you realized you needed to tell Bruce some difficult information.

“Bruce. There is one more thing though... Thor didn't make it. He was still on the ship when it blew up.” You looked down at the ground, not wanting to see his face.

“Wait y/n, Thor’s alive, you didn't know that?” Your head snapped up to look at the scientist. A confused yet slightly amused expression on his face.

“What?”

“Yeah, hes inside...”

“He’s here?!” You echoed, eyes widening. Before he even had a chance to stop you, you were taking off across the lawn towards the compound doors. You could hear Bruce shouting behind you, but you ignored him. as you burst through the front doors, you were stopped by an all too familiar assassin.

“Nat! Wheres Thor?” You asked quickly.

“Y/n? I though you were-”

“No im not dead Nat. Its nice to see you too.” You spoke quickly, the only thing on your mind was getting to Thor. “Where is he?” You asked again, a sense of urgency in your voice.

“Hes downstairs.” She answered slowly. Finally satisfied with an answer, you moved passed her, but you were stopped by Bruce shouting at you once again.

“Y/n wait! You need to understand something.” Bruce walked towards you, slightly out of breath.” Thor. hes not the same.”

“What do you mean?”

“For the last few months, hes been locking himself in the cell downstairs, distancing himself from the rest of us.”

“Why would he do that?” Thor wasn't the type to do that.He got along with everyone here. Bruce shared a look with Nat before continuing.

“Ever since the snap, Thor occasionally goes into fits of rage. He believes it would be safest if he was locked up. The last thing he wants to do is hurt the only remaining people he cares about in a fit of anger.”

“Take me to him.”You voiced sternly.

The four of you walked through the compound, your feet carrying you a bit faster than everyone else.

��When Thor reached earth y/n, he was distraught. He believed you to be dead. we all did.” Natasha began.

“well, as you can see Nat, Im not dead.”

“You really have no idea do you? How much you mean to him? How much he loves you?” She continued. You stopped momentarily. Thor loved you? You never thought in a million years that the literal god of thunder would feel the same way you did.

“All the more reason to take me to him.”

When you reached the door, Bruce stepped forward to type in the code, as he did, you waited in agonizing silence. When the doors slid open, Brcue stepped away.

“We’ll be upstairs if you need us.” and with that the three retreated back they way you had come.

As you stepped into the room that held the containment cells you saw him. He looked terrible all things considered. His Asgardian attire had been replaced by a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and a large sweatshirt. His arms rested on his knees, his head hung low. He hadn't seen you yet, so you walked forward until your movement finally caught his attention. He raised his head slowly, and that's when your eyes met through the glass. His face showed the exact same emotions you were feeling. Shock. Surprise. Love. And then you were rushing forward, plugging in the password to open the cell door. On the other side Thor was quickly standing up, and waiting for the door to open. You didnt even let the door open all the way before you were squeezing through the opening and rushing towards him.

“y/n?”

“Thor! You’re alive!” and just like that, you were jumping into his arms, and wrapping yours around him. His arms found your waist and he pulled you in tighter.

“How? How are you here? I thought you were dead.”

You pulled back to look him in the eyes. “ Valkyrie. She got me out in time.” You watched as the gods face lit up once again.

“Valkyries alive?”

“Yeah, shes upstairs with Bruce.” You smiled. Thor looked down at you, a look of complete adoration on his face. He rested a hand on your cheek.

“I missed you so much.” he sighed, you leaning into his touch. And then his lips were on yours, moving in perfect sync. For the first time in awhile you felt a sense of hope, and that maybe, just maybe things would get better.

[shoujax]

You can survive, you can endure

The following is not a happy tale.It is not written with the intent to garner pity, sympathy or retaliation for the parties involved. This is a story about child abuse both the psychological and physical variety. This is not a story of revenge, malice or spite. I do not forgive the parties involved, but I bear no ill will. There is love to be sure, as you always love your family, regardless of how mad or crazy they may drive you. I forgive many things in my life. But I will never forgive the overlook, ignorance and at times allowance of my abuse and in later years the callous disregard when I finally began to voice what happened.

This is a story of healing; acceptance, coping and even enduring . I am a survivor of physical and psychological abuse, and to some that statement may seem or come off strong. But that is the phrase I will use: Despite everything, I survived, endured and am healing. There is zero doubt in my mind when my family learns of this they will refute or attempt to explain this in their own way. This is not about them. For the first genuine time in my life, this is about my healing. Not them. They had their chances countless years, and failed me. My siblings, if they remember, probably never will admit these things happened.

So, here I am. 33 years old finally telling a story that should not have needed to be told. There were so many things that could have been done to stop this story from ever needing to be told. But as I said, in order to fully heal I tell this story as it is: true and direct. I must stress under no circumstances must my mother be considered the villain. She DID raise 3 children through 2 very difficult marriages and endured abuse that is never my place to speak of. But she did enable horrible abuse from the age of 8 to 16: the psychological horrors of my father notwithstanding. That I do not forgive because he never has felt remorse or allowed me to talk about it in depth.The reading subject from here on will be graphic. The end of this tale will I hope shed some light and show my true goal for telling this tale.

The earliest memory I have is Kieth, my biological father and my mother again getting into a screaming and physical fight. My mother had a trailer on my grandparents property because that monster was an abusive, horrible person and my grandfather was truly the one person who scared him more than anything.I would have been about 3-4 at the time. I was smart enough to know something very bad was happening and didn't hesitate, i ran crying to my grandparents house on top of the hill, scared to death I wouldn’t make it in time to get help, but I did. He never could hold down a job.

The next few years saw us move from apartment to apartment to just hide. By this point my brother and sister had been born. When I got old enough to understand better, I found out he violated restraining orders left and right but they never did catch or hold him for very long. There nights I remember consoling my baby sister and little brother trying to keep the noise out because he would find us again. Screaming and banging on the doors and windows for hours. Police would come, he’d flee before they got there. This cycle would repeat more than I ever cared to admit.

The greatest shock of my life was the age of 4-5 was I’m not sure if he did it out of love or fear, but Kieth saved my life: albeit he caused what happened next to occur. They fought yet again and i left with him to go to a nearby gas station for...I’m not even sure what to be honest. He got angry again as we were heading back to the car and he opened the door..and i knew nothing but pain. Somehow he had opened it hard and fast enough that he had busted my head open. He took me to the hospital and the one thing I know I remembered was him holding a towel on the wound as i lay in the front seat. There was a look of worry. I will never know if it was for me or if he was scared for himself. I would like to think there might have been SOMETHING akin to a shred of honesty. I don’t know. I never will.

I had to of been about 6 or so when finally my mother left us with our grandparents and she fled to hide in california.I didnt know at the time, and I dont know what she told my grandparents, but she later admitted to me in my late 20’s Kieth tried to sell me off to a child sex ring for money. She knew her children were in severe danger, and my grandfather was the one person on earth he was scared of. My life was calm….until she returned with her new husband when i was 7-8. His name was Tom. And Tom would begin the longest streak of abuse no child should ever have to endure. 

There was shouting here and there but normal family things. The first true horror began in 3rd grade. I was in the bathroom with my brother brushing our teeth and I don’t know what conversation led him to coming in and getting angry to be honest. Maybe I said something, I don’t know, but whatever it was did not justify what happened next. I was spun around, grabbed by my upper arms, lifted and put firmly against the wall. He had this look of a very angry animal on him...it wouldn't be the first time I ever see “The look” Anger, fury and rage filled him. He told me to knock my shit off and hurry up or i was gonna make everyone late for school. I was...shocked. I didn't tell my mother. But I did tell a teacher. I thought surely it’s gonna help. How utterly wrong and stupid I was. I was picked up and told not to say a word. We went straight to my grandparents house. I couldn't comprehend why I was in trouble until my family rounded on me. How dare I make up a story to hurt him. This was a man who loved you as his own and this is how you repay him? My family was very authoritarian so arguing back or talking in defense was completely shunned. I knew if I said anything it would get it worse. So I sat there dumbfounded and in silence. For the next hour I was berated, talked down to and said what a bad child I had been. And finally the words that burned into my brain. “His heart is like a sheet of paper. You took it and bundled it up and crumpled it. It’ll smooth out as he heals, but there will always be wrinkles.” We went home afterwards and when my mother left, he took a belt and beat me. Spanking me hard, and how dare I embarrassed him like that and if I told anyone about this punishment it would be worse.  Small things happened here and there but nothing noteworthy until we moved to south carolina and ohio. The spankings got progressively worse to the point I had bruises and learned to accept the pain. 

Ohio I dont remember much except for one incident. It was the day I had a school play. He gave me a black eye for I dont even know what reason. My mother put makeup on it to cover it up and told me not to say anything. I never did until now. That was the first time I never spoke out when I should have...maybe I could have stopped it before things got much worse. I was a fool. We moved into a trailer in a new area and my brother and I had to help him make a driveway and clear the land because they had no spare money. A barely teenader working like an adult. I let that go but not what happened next. The spankings kept getting worse, but I guess he thought he’d do worse. He didnt like how thin i had helped make the limestone roadway and told me so. I must have said something to voice how miserable I was. He grabbed a shovel and with the flat side hit me on one side near my chest. The pain was unbearable. I was knocked on my back and while i was down he stomped the other side of my chest. Kneeling down he got as close as he could while I was frozen scared and hurt. He said I made him miserable and I deserved this as I needed to be more of a man. If I told anyone, Hed do worse.I never did and hid the pain well. To this day, my ribs ache if touched wrong. Somehow I held onto hope that maybe finally if my mother saw me miserable and he didn't notice I could stop this pain from ever happening again. Weeks passed and she worked long days while yet again he could never really find solid long term work. I had no chances to do so, and I was growing depressed but never showed it. Finally he hit me as hard as he could in the back of the head when I turned away from him. I made it to my bedroom and laid down. Crying. And at last my mother returned and she must have heard me and walked into my room and said “Josh What’s wrong?” I looked at her almost beggingly and said” My head hurts.” I didnt elaborate. She got angry because she had worked a very long shift and told me if i had a headache go get some medicine out of the cabinet and deal with it. As she left I finally stopped crying staring as an acceptance grew in me. She was NEVER going to help me. She was never going to listen unless she saw it herself. That’s when I realized I could never trust her to tell her any of the bad things that were happening. I suffered in silence for another year. During that time more beatings, more hopelessness and in general a life of what i felt was true genuine fear and hopelessness. I had no clue what was going to happen next. It would get worse.

The older I get, like some, the harder it is to pinpoint exact dates but the tragedy of these next two incidents occurred during my fourth and fifth grade years  While seemingly unimportant to some these two singular events will stay with me forever. To set up the story, my brother had messed up our closet door, naturally we shared a room and all the joy of privacy i got. I was desperately trying to fix it because I didn't want HIM to hear. I had finally succeeded and was about to collapse with joy...until my idiot brother pushed it back inwards and laughed and i let out a yell….HE heard because of course he did. He came in, didn't ask for an explanation, saw what happened and hit me. Then proceeded to stomp and destroy a cherished toy that was my world. Now everyone needs to understand, i was a very introverted child. I didn't make friends easily and had few. I loved to play by myself and had wonderful fantastic imaginary adventures. His reasoning for doing this act was simplistic in his words “You wreck my stuff I wreck yours.” I didn't realize the nightmare wasn’t over yet.

My mother picked us up from school two days later and genuinely looked upset. She explained he burned everything. I got there and went out back and sure enough, the charred remains of a large bonfire were still smoking. He went after all my stuff first. My brother barely had anything touched and my sister, thankfully, was spared the majority. Of course my mother as always did nothing but say she was sorry it happened.

Thanks mom. I can always count on you to make me feel better. A shame you chose misery over your child. As always.

The second event was the court ordeal. Long story short because this one wasn't so traumatic as it was, what I believe, caused a wedge between myself and my brother because we were forced to change schools.They spanked me at school and my mother was outraged. I believe solely because she believed punishment should be handled at home, which I find insanely hypocritical at this point. The paddle they used stung yes, but it did not hurt as much as what step-douche did to me on a weekly basis. I wish she cared enough to go to war with him as she did when she took the school to court and sued. We had to switch schools but honestly.the true problem was what happened before.

See the punishment for what i did ASIDE from that was a day of suspension or sit in a small closet like room all day. No supervision and total isolation. My mother, of course, was not there when we spoke to the principal…step-douche was.He flat out told me if I picked suspension I would regret it. Happy birthday to me, cause thats right, my punishment was carried out on my birthday. Total isolation. And once again no one helped me. Honestly how I never acted out is baffling to me.

That night when I got home and everyone was asleep, i got out of bed around midnight and went to the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife I could find. I sat down and rocked and i wanted more than anything to end the life of the person who was causing me pain and inflicting hell on me. I’m not sure why, to this day, I never acted. Eventually about 4 am after sitting there and reflecting I went back to bed. Im not sure why I didnt. I’m glad it passed but I will never know what stopped me that night.

All of this before I was 12 years old and it still wasnt over yet. 6th grade we finally moved back to Florida. Nothing really changed. Except now we enter middle school…

I wish aspergers had been more readily diagnosed and doctors didn't just slap an ADHD label on everything. I was teased, bullied and picked on. I had no sense of humor and couldn't understand things like sarcasm or jokes. Life at home was hard...life at school was hard. My family never listened to anything if it disrupted the status quo. I felt genuinely alone and isolated. Now this wouldn't be a happy story unless I added in a life altering event that actually changed things. It was ironically during a shop class and once again I was being bullied, but for the absolute first time...I retaliated. A detention and oddly...the guy and I actually became friends...I didn't know it at the time. But between being hurt by others and the punishments at home for the weirdest infractions...i came dangerously close to considering suicide. In fact the day this next event happened I had already started planning how I wanted to end it all. The kid who bullied me in shop came up and struck up a conversation about Pokemon and we to this day share a friendship. I told him last year finally, he’s the reason I'm still here. If he had not come up and given me that one act of kindness I wouldn't be here.

I was still bullied all through 10th grade but had friends here and there.It made it tolerable. Junior year is where I hit my lowest and to this day my family does not know what happened.

3 football players ganged up and raped me in a locker room after school. This had nothing to do with my sexuality because at the time I hadn't given it any thought yet. Because my mother always said, “Don't ever do anything to embarrass your grandparents” ad religiously restated this, I decided to be quiet on the whole thing. The sole saving grace being i wasn't too traumatized by this experience as a whole. I did not consent this is true, but it was at the time I was beginning to think about it and maybe that’s why they did what they did. I thought I could trust one of them, and told them, apparently I was mistaken.

There are other things of course, the usual stuff teenagers go through, but the final absolute straw that broke the camel's back was I refused to feed animals my brother and sister wanted. I finally after 17 years told my mother no. I wasn't caring for animals that they should be taking care of and I was tired of everyone else shoving responsibility on me. They had some stupid sporting events after school they were doing. And I was finally sick of it. Its shocking on one level that something so ridiculously mundane as pet care made me finally snap. We argued and I moved out. I couldnt take it anymore. My grandparents, finally, took me in.

Now some of you are probably wondering: why I would I write this down? Is it pity? No I don't want pity. Im now 33 and I have a wonderful, if not always easy, Life I wouldn't trade for anything. There are some updates. The 3 who assaulted me in high school I have forgiven. One is dead and if there is justice he got what he deserved. Another apologized and he actually meant it. He begged for forgiveness and has done good with his life. I bear him no ill will. We all do stupid things, but if we actually are repentant and try to do good, i can honestly forgive. The last has a wife and kids so I won't ruin their life because of my pain and he knows that. He's never apologized but he does worry occasionally if I'm ever going to spill the beans. I have but I haven't named him.

As for my family....Im not sure if I can heal right. They dont want to listen to me. “You’re 33 years old, Grow up and get over it.” “Stop causing drama” “It happened so long ago, what do you want us to do about it?” That last one actually DOES stick with me. I think at the core I want some compassion. I want them to feel bad. My mother isnt an evil woman, there were many good times, but they are completely overshadowed and eclipsed by so much negativity, I cant say she was a good mother. She has never once listened to me and if she reads this I’m going to tell her the same thing I finally worked up the courage to tell my grandmother: “This is not about you. This is about me trying to heal, trying after decades to heal so I CAN move on. For the first time in my life this is entirely about me.” My family remains to this day the greatest source of my stress because they genuinely believe, because they refuse to listen to me and not dismiss what I say, they loved me and supported me financially growing up. You may have, but you failed at making sure your child and grandchild was happy. That I was safe and felt loved and supported. You failed as my guardians and maybe that’s why I’m still trying to heal because you all will never thing you did wrong.

So we come full circle. When I started writing this I borderline thought it would be longer. But it’s ok, it was hard getting through just to this 8th page. And there are other things I can't talk about and probably will never be able to go into because I don't want to deal with being ridiculed and teased as an adult about some aspects. I’ve come to terms with those issues and people who matter know about hidden parts of me.

This wasn't intended to shame, although there is a sliver that hopes maybe if they read this they will feel something, this is about sharing a story. I’m not the only one out there to have a bad childhood. Many do, but it takes courage to talk about it. That’s the point of all of this. Talk to someone. It may take years, but seize the courage and get it out. Dont let it sit there because you have to “tough it out.” That's a bullshit answer older generations have said because they don't want to deal with issues like mental health. And yes it is hard to finish writing this as I just told a friend while I write. But before I finish I have some people who deserve to be named specifically for making my life better. And they deserve to be known by name because of the profound impact they have had. This is only people from my childhood.

Fred Eirman. You saved my life in middle school and I have never forgotten it.

David Coburn. My uncle. You were the only one who listened at times. And indulged my likes and hobbies.

Harry Webber. My second cousin. The only person in my family who cared enough when I was at my lowest points to be there for me. While the rest of my family hated you for stupid, pointless reasons.

This isn't a story seeking pity. This is a story that I want to say the following words if it affected you and you also had similar experiences of abuse. I offer the following words and please take them to heart:

You can survive. You can Endure. You can recover.

Reblog and share and even comment. Get this around so MAYBE it can help someone.

[cowboyguts-moved]

tell me about your new ocs ^^

so any and all artwork i show you is done by @shit-stains (: 

everyone listed is from a made up oregon beach town called Mystic Overhang infamous for its creepy bottomless lakes and a cliff that leans over the pacific called Mystic Overhang. the town is full of mysterious happenings and unexplained missing persons and something downright evil is going on under their noses..but more on that another time ha ha. the story takes place in 1989. and i just realized this is basically just IT but i didn’t exactly mean for that…they definitely are not plagued by a killer clown.

Church Shelton (my oc) is 17/18. His mom had him too young and didn’t want to have to raised him, frankly, so she ended up leaving him on the stairs of a synagogue. His biological family is Jewish even though Church doesn’t grow up with religion and didn’t even know he was Jewish, because Josiah (Jo), tristan’s oc, was about 2 years old when he and his mom came by and saw a baby crying on the steps and the boy wanted to keep him and name him Church because he thought it was a regular christian church and… it’s cute. And through a ton of convincing and considerations, his mom agrees to care for Church and adopt him. Its a simplistic way of putting it, but there’s a lot that goes into it. He and Jo grow up as brothers and Jo takes such good care of him (: sometimes he has to be a parent to Church even though he’s only two years older, especially when their mom gets UHHH murdered during a robbery in their own house… ……….and they come home and find her at about 12 and 10 years old and Jo makes the decision that they’re not going to tell anyone and risk him living with his father and Church being placed in foster care. so they run away and become street kids for 4 years. When they’re older, 14 and 16, they get caught for stealing when they weren’t careful enough and the social workers put them in foster care, seeing as Jo’s dad is very unfit. They stay there until Jo aged out at 18 and got guardianship of Church after getting them a place to live, that’s a long complex process as well… and was obligated to care for him and provide income and stuff and they live together, just them two in a trailer, for awhile.

Church’s whole thing is that he loves to read and write. He reads so many books and he’s not great at first and is in remedial classes, but then he advances a shit ton with how hard he tries and how much he wants his love for English to succeed. Uh he has narcolepsy!!! Meaning he has a lot of daytime sleepiness, falls asleep frequently in the day and has bad insomnia at night and this hinders him a lot. In some cases his narcolepsy comes with cataplexy, this is when he has muscle weakness/paralysis caused by strong emotion like excitement and laugher. His brother Jo helps him a lot through that. I theorize that it happened because of a natural immune issue he has, which was most prevalent when they were living on the streets. 

Church is really funny and sweet and sarcastic. He’s such a cute boy and everyone in their town LOVES him just cause he’s so charming. he gets really cynical and depressed sometimes and can be mean when he wants to be, however and it’s his biggest downfall. He’s a bit of pyro he loves to set shit on fire. Oh, and he has a southern accent (: he loves to eat too, he’s always down for snacks. He’s bisexual but he doesn’t really call it that, he doesn’t take much note of his own sexuality, he does what he does. He works at an amusement park most of the time and has to put up with Jo constantly coming to his work when he gets lonely and riding the roller coaster he’s operating. Then when he graduates he goes to University of Oregon and has a bit of a big depressive self destructive path he follows and ends up overdosing on drugs on what of his partying nights, he self harms by being uncaring and his many intrusive thoughts about his mother dying and his huge fear of not seeing the world and being too dumb and poor to get an opportunity to really live. He’s put in the hospital and goes to rehab and Jo is there with him every step of the way. He’s so sweet and caring and worries about him but Church is a little belligerent sometimes. He wants to get better and be better for everyone and himself, and he does through a long emotional school break. He doesn’t end up going to his previous college again but he transfers and gets in the Columbia in new york for his English degree (: he lives in an apartment with his boyfriend Mason. 

Church is white, 5′7 and he’s stout and chubby. He’s got green eyes, freckles, a piggy nose, big sunburnt cheeks, and auburn hair, mostly shaved into a curly mohawk. and he got a fat ass and killer thighs. 

His beautiful big dumb brother Jo Shelton (tristan’s oc) has a story that is obviously parallel to church’s, but i think it’s important to mention that he’s kinda slow, slow thinkin’ and a bit hyper…and an asshole to everyone but the ones he really loves like church, he’s as sweet as he can be with him. he loves working on cars and he has a beautiful truck that he put a lot of work into..that is until he crashed it horribly while drunk driving after he got into a fight with church when church was in the hospital recovering from his overdose. and he got mild temporary brain damage… so…and then had to spend 6 months in jail for a DUI. that really fuck him up for a good while! and that’s a huge dent in their lives.

but anyway lol… he also loves to meet chicks and do speed dating.. and he hooks up with a wide variety of girls, he’s not picky at all and doesn’t believe in types, he just loves dominant women. he does have one important stable girlfriend for awhile named Rosa that he met at his grocery store job! he spilled spaghetti sauce on her white shoes (: and they were truly in love and dated for 3 years until it became dangerous for her to be with him because one of her weird ass fuckinnnn dangerous ex boyfriends got out of prison and she didnt think he would be safe if they remained together and it’s devastating for him and hinder him for a good while. he kinda fills that void by becoming a big brother figure to church’s biological sister Jude, who is 12 and in need of good old fashion josiah guidance. jo has that natural dumb dad vibe to him. (by the way..church’s mother reenters church’s life very briefly and that’s why jude and church meet and jude eventually lives locally to the boys because she moves in with Her real dad.) Later jo works at a mechanic shop and his ultimate goal is to open his own! uh also haha important detail..jo struggles with his sexuality and on the low meets up with dudes in alleys and lets them smash cause he’s a big bottom so. and he has sorta of thing for someone he met in the mess of foster care, just one of the kids he hung out with in passing, and his names Riley and they meet up later on when they’re older and fuck around a bit.

jo is 6′3 and he has golden honey hair and blue eyes and he’s freckly and has some beauty marks on his face. he’s pretty darn hairy..and he kinda smells. he’s a real country bo. he’s super skinny and hes got huuuge hands!

here’s jo and church (:

Mason Uley (mine), Church’s boyfriend, doesn’t meet church until he’s 22 and Mason is 13, and is a rich boy who’s siblings all died in one way or another…JDBSJD he’s the only child left and he is very neglected by his parents because of their coldness and grief and little regard for caring for their last kid. They’re never home and they ignore him completely which leaves him in search for attention in all sorts of wrong ways and he acts out. He does motocross at the local track. He loves rap music and is very embarrassing about it considering he’s very white..he loves flexin’ with that name brand clothing and shoes and wears skate shirts even though he doesnt skate which is a big smelly whatever but in general he’s a big poser. but its fine because we love him and its apart of his charm. He has a slight limp because at 13 he shattered his ankle and it never healed right. He loves Church very much and they’re SUPERR gross and lovey, their dynamic is so adorable, as you can imagine his goofy ass and church’s more dry sarcasm. He wants to be an architect and goes to college for that at Columbia later. He’s smart and has a very dry kind of humor and he hates Jo until he’s forced not to because of their mutual love for Church. He’s 1000% gay. He has blond hair and he looks like a 90s heart throb and Jo affectionately calls him “faggot” more than his name.

i dont have a Current drawing of mason all i got are old ones that tristan doesnt really like l o l

Okay……….. and then there’s Lewis. he’s 18. His full name is Aloysius St. Lawrence (AL oh wish iss) (mine), and he grew up in a deeply religious cult in northern California where many Horrible things happened to him that I’ll spare the details on but he’s a very traumatized boy and i thinkg about the complexity of him trying to come to grips with it and learning how to live with the immense pain he was dealt with! so. it’s really fun.

he was born with a sorta Purpose, his dads family started this commune, and the dad wasnt at fault, he’s not malicious he’s really sweet and a bit slow and is often mistreated, he’s forced to have relations with lewis’ mom, who was sort of a nomadic runaway girl perfect for procreation after she got caught in the entanglement of this commune business in california. theyre both really young when they have lewis and his twin sister, lewis being prime because he’s the Male. lewis grew up believing all kids in the commune were his siblings and so he never realized the one girl he’d see all the time was his biological sister. so bascially they take lewis from the mom, say he’s not only her child but the communities child, just how it is with all kids, and she betrays the commune in a way i havent figured out and goes beserk because obviously everyone there is insane and shes exiled and lewis, all the while has no idea shes his mother. so great childhood… full of hard labor and sleeping in a room with rows of beds and dreaming about a woman and not knowing why, not knowing its because shes your mom (: haha

In 6th grade he’s finally allowed to go to a school with other boys because before this he was homeschooled and his world was reduced to the confinements of his commune. He goes to a spooky and prestigious boarding school in southern Oregon and wears a uniform. The place is really huge and brick and creepy but it feels like paradise with this freedom he finally gets to some extent and he’s learning how to function as a regular boy, although he finds it kind of impossible. 

CHRIS!!!!! Is his roommate at this boarding school in 6th grade. Chris is a very goofy lovesick boy who believes heavily in the energies of the earth and charging his crystals his hippie mother gave him and he paints his nails black and pushes the rules of the dress code every single day and tends to break it completely. He’s a punk who loves to piss adults off. He was forced to go there by his very strict abusive father and there he meets sweet sweet Lewis (:

Lewis has never had a friend like Chris and he doesn’t know how to successfully keep one and it’s a really stressful emotional cycle of enduring the weekends at the commune and coming back to school and to Chris amongst all the happy boys that lead mostly normal lives. Chris sort of realizes that he has feelings for boys in this time and has strange urges to hold Lewis’ hand and kiss him and stuff, but he refuses to truly acknowledge his feelings about who he is.  but he does, in fact, hold his hand and Lewis lets him and they’ll just hang out for hours in their room holding hands and talking about silly stuff. They come to be really close and mean a lot to each other, chris invite him over to his house on the weekends and lewis sneaks off with him, risking being punished because he didn’t go back with one of the Father’s or Brother’s of his commune. Chris and lewis are very adorable and they play with makeup together in chris’s room and eat snacks and explore mystic overhang and chris teaches him about the ways of modern life. in 7th grade they grow apart when they don’t share a room or anymore and Chris gets involved with different people, starts smoking weed and eventually gets with a guy in 8th grade hhhh… and Lewis focuses really hard in class and it’s sorta the end of that. 

When chris gets expelled in 8th grade they don’t see each other anymore, the only departing thing being chris’s journal that he gave to lewis before he was escorted off the premises, and in it is filled with entries about him. this journal was taken and destroyed at his commune by one of the Fathers when it was found, though :/ so yes, Lewis goes back to the commune because they plan on keeping him homeschooled for high school but there’s a group of 5 kids and 3 men from the commune that are heading to Nebraska around the time he’s 16, and they force lewis to be the 6th child that accompanies them in their trip. once there, he’s kept in a creepy abandoned house, hardly set up for living in and he’s living with these other children, like an odd family that has to function around one another, him being the oldest of “siblings”. he finds out eventually that they’re there for a weird ritual/sacrifice thing.. probably the most horror-ish horror element i developed for him thus far, its frankly insane and disturbing and theres a lot of layers and rituals they must do and humiliating tasks they must do all for a Grander godly purpose. the sole purpose of it is to reach ultimate redemption in heaven after a sinful life ahahahaa.. so basically the whole time they’re there, they’re trying to accumulate sin by being unloving, disciplinary, neglectful, …uhh…and lewis kept in a dark room, only candles and daylight light the house and they’re severely mistreated and malnourished. Lewis runs away at 18…but, through constant mistreatments of his body he ends up having gangrene in his left leg and has to have it amputated above the knee by a doctor he meets whom he has to give a Favor to as payment because he doesnt have money. and he gets a real shitty wooden prosthetic that isn’t comfortable at all and its not healing right, it’s a bit botched actually.. and he has crutches and that’s how he gets around. He goes back to Oregon to the town Mystic Overhang that Chris is from because remembers the town name vaguely, not even who said it or when he heard it, but he goes there because he doesn’t know many towns, so he decides to settle there and he makes a living prostituting for awhile at an area called Mouth’s Edge. he sees Chris again when Chris pays him for a bj l o l. and Chris recognizes him even though chris is coked out of his mind because he had a really rough night and got his shit kicked in by his dad… and Lewis almost shits himself because someone from his past is back and he’s really paranoid and weird about it cause he just blew one of his only friends he used to have. and he wants Chris to fuck off, but eventually Chris keeps coming back just to talk to him and see what he’s been up to and stuff, cause he still feels this familiar need to protect Lewis that he had back in middle school. He’s very consistent about seeing him and does every single night even when Lewis is working. lewis’ love for him comes gradually, even through chris is in love with him pretty much instantly. It takes a long time for Lewis to want to be touched and held but he lets people do it anyway, including chris, it’s an unhealthy thing he obviously needs therapy ha ha. they don’t officially date until an entire year later

lewis is very sweet boy he’s shy and he has trouble making eye contact. He’s really smart and loves to paint! That’s what he wants to do with life. He’s not gay per se, he doesn’t really feel much romantically unless someone, anyone is kind to him and patient and reeeeeeeally really consistent or else he would probably never fall in love, but any gender has the potential with him. He loves 40s-80s music so much and dances to it really dorky when he thinks no one is looking and Chris has sooooo many records. he loves to rollerskate! and he’s really good at it. he’s pretty damn masculine, more so than chris. and he’s strong (: and he wears ugly clothes that he finds in dumpsters. eventually he gets enrolled in college for art and sees a therapist he grows to love like a dad to be honest.. lewis he dyes his hair a lot (: it’s naturally golden but at first when he’s prostituting its short and purple and then grows out very long and then he cuts it a lil and dyes it pink..orange..etc etc. he’s a hard worker and he gets a job at the Junkyard where he meets his best friend Cody (: 

This is Lewis :) he’s white, 5′4 and he’s soft but strong and handsome and he’s got golden eyes and hair and he’s sweet n freckly.

Chris Russell (tristan’s) is 19… chris is greek and pakistani from his dad and white italian from his mom. he grew up an only child with them in an upper middle class environment because his dad … i don’t even know the legit title but he buys and sells properties for a fancy shmancy company. his mom is just a kindergarten teacher and that’s not a killer wage but. he’s very close to his mom he loves her to pieces, she’s a big stoner hippie (:. his dad on the other hand has always been really disciplinary and cold towards Chris, his dad is straight up abusive though, so there’s no excuses being made for him, but at first he didn’t do it just because he felt like it. he was just raised learning that it was the only effective way to discipline your kid and that it was the dynamic that Worked the best. Chris is a little problem child though, and not so much when he was a kid! he was so sweet and all he wanted to do was wear his mom’s makeup and clothes. he wore clips in his curly hair and pretty skirts and he loved music and being a mama’s boy and he loved her cooking. he loved reading and writing. but he was still abused by his dad, especially for his natural femininity. and as Chris got older he was such a rebel. he’s a mouthy, snarky, blunt little shit that never behaved or was cowered into doing things as his dad wanted. it wasn’t like he wasn’t afraid to get hit or anything but he didn’t show it and constantly provoked it. that’s in his teen years though especially

chris goes in and out of depression and mania constantly after middle school. he’s doing drugs, just weed at first but he’s always always high and he’s a big loner until he meets his Boys in 10th grade (: mikael ben and kylo. his parents divorce when he’s 15. he tries to convince himself he’s not gay and he gets with a girl but the ordeal is humiliating and she spreads the rumor that he was so bad at fingering her and touching her boobies that he must be Gay and so he retaliates by making photo copies of her nude pictures and spreading them. chris has questionable morality. you GOTTA know that about him.. he has problems and he can straight up not be a good person sometimes but overall he really is one and we be loving him or whatever. and he evens out in his 20′s and 30′s so it’s fine. HFSFSS but yeah! after awhile it’s sorta easy just to come out, and then he gets cocky and his gayness bleeds through everything he does. he starts dressing more effeminate again and he fucks around with a lotta guys and is really stupid about his recklessness. he gets into cocaine and gets so fucked up he doesn’t know who he’s banging half the time he just parties and is a big smelly butthead. and around the AIDS crisis no less… dumb ass. by some miracle he doesn’t catch anything or get anything so… this all happens, the worst of it anyway, when he’s 18 and stuff after he has this weird hook up relationship with Mikael his friend and our other OC hsdhbsd. and then he kinda just Takes himself off it after he bumps into Lewis again and goes through his withdrawals and smokes a ton of weed, i mean he’ll never quit that, its fine.

he loves to skateboard! he loves reading and writing. he aces his english classes and was in AP his whole life in that subject. he’s a big debater and critical thinker in those classes and the teachers love him and hate him for that. he writes in his journals constantly and he wants to be a writer someday.. he loves drag. he has a whole persona. her name is Crystal Balls. he’s really fuckin good at it too, he’s good at makeup and tucking and dressing up and caring for his wigs. he’s a big major faggot. he’s a top! even though everyone in the world does not think he is (: he’s a big top. and he can be masculine when he wants. he has masculine body language and a manly voice and he’s a big stoner skater but he can turn on that faggotry whenever he wants and its especially apparent in his Crystal persona. he plays piano and is very good at it (: he’s bipolar clinically but does not take meds (:  he self harms as a result of his polarizing emotions and his home life. he’s the horniest emo anyone will ever meet and legit is addicted to feel-good stuff and has a really addictive personality in general. so weed, food, sex, Lewis, etc. he’s really insecure and he thinks he is BUTT ugly but high key he’s the hottest OC either of us have like he’s just gorgeous that’s all there is to it. and he’ll go back and forth from Damn im fuckin hot to holy fuck i look like my dad i want to wear a ski mask everywhere. its mostly the latter though (: he hates his dad and hates that he looks so much like him. the only thing he likes about himself is his big dick and his legs that are straight up chick legs

here’s chris heh

Cody Glorymoon (mine), Lewis’  best friend, is 20 and she’s very pretty and she has delicate features but she’s big tomboy and works for her dad at the junkyard. she’s a ginger and she’s very tall and slim and she’s a little rough and cynical but she’s super soft and loving and smart.  and she cares for lewis so much that she’s a little in love with him at one point and it hurts her to be that way because she’s having her own sexuality and identity crisis and shes knows they can’t be together. she hates chris…because the girl chris used to date and spread her nudes was her sister and she’s extremely protective of her sister because they grew up very close and had traumatic experiences being put through frequent pageant shows and training as little girls? their mom was a piece of shit and eventually dumped them on their dad who previously was kept away from them. she also, in general, just doesn’t like chris and his personality. he’s a huge douche to her. until she softens for him in later years when she sees him a lot because he’s her best friend’s boyfriend. chris actually needs her help pretending to be his girlfriend in order to please his dad and keep him off his back so he can see lewis on the low… and she does it because she’s the only girl he knows that tolerates him enough and would do it for him and she comes over for dinner and other events hsdfjsdf its really funny watching chris pretend to like her. they grow closer this way and become real friends even though they always have this love/hate dynamic.

heres cody and cody giving lewis a smoochie 

here’s some gay and lesbian solidarity between chris and cody

Mikael Taylor (tristan’s) is 19 and one of the boys in Chris and Lewis’s friend group. He’s a foster kid who has really long hair and smokes too much weed because if he doesn’t his adhd gets the best of him. He and church have an on and off thing for quite a while until they break up and church moves away and gets with mason, although mikael is sort of crazy in love with church whether he likes to admit it or not, he’s always sorta waiting for him and mason to be Done even though it takes a long ass time, he really misses his opportunity with him the beginning. He likes to fuck and be with all kinds of different people, though, and commitment is definitely a fear of his (hence the on and off thing with church). He’s really sweet though and he loves lewis to death. Hes funny and outgoing and cool and Everyone likes him. Everyone. He’s got a cool septum piercing and one of those gum piercings right under the lip as well. He’s also huge gauged ears and he wears a beanie and hawaiian shirts with dad shorts and socks and sandals (which are like the only shoes he owns). He’s half native american and half caucasian, he sleeps a lot and he has a huge thing for milfs. (chris and ben’s moms especially)

mikael is 6′4, and pretty lean and has got some muscles. he’s got sharper features and he has green eyes and gross facial hair wispies

Benjamin Jacobs (tristan’s) is 19 and is another one of the boys from the friend group. He’s a big, heavy jock who really enjoys theatre and foootball. He’s from up north, so he has an accent thats quite strong and pretty cliche. He’s got pretty short blonde hair and freckles spread across his soft cheeks. He’s quite angry most of the time and he can be very loud, especially with chris whenever chris is being himself and annoying the shit out of him. He does have a temper but he tries his best to control it around lewis. Oh yeah and he also loves lewis a lot (: he lives in a really nice suburban neighborhood and his home is loudly occupied with his mother, dawn, who is your classic 80’s rhode island mom complete with the big poofy curls and the hoop earrings, and his two brothers and one sister. He has a man cave which is the entire home basement that he and the boys all hang out in 24/7, filled with beanbags a television, a pool table and a blow up doll named Patrisha that chris drew a penis on. Again, he hates chris. ALSO he’s in love with kylo’s sister named Leslies and he pines for her 24/7

ben is big chubby and blond, he’s 6′1 and hes so hot i think he’s so hot bro. he’s juicy he’s a thick quarterback with blue eyes

Kylo Cavillo (tristan’s) is the last member of the boys group. Kylo is a sweet Hispanic boy with vitiligo who has a hard time expressing himself. He’s very excitable and he falls in love with people very easily… he has this weird crush/obsession with chris that’s not talked about within the group much but it can be more than obvious at times even though he denies that he’s gay. He and lewis get along very well and he loves him a lot, they both were deprived of a lot of the modern things like certain tv shows and games and phrases and ways of doing things so they’re able to bond on that fact. Kylo lives at home with his mother and father, who is a big part of the Mystic Overhang Tiburón’s (a gang) and he owns their family restaurant called El Baño HHHDSF which kylo comes to take over himself when he’s older. He has three sisters and he is the youngest of all siblings, so he grew up with girls his entire life and definitely has some femininity to him. He’s very sweet and innocent, though, and means well with all his endeavors. He likes to grease his jet black hair back and wear gold chains with his baseball jerseys and blue jeans. OH he also has epileptic seizures and it’s very scary but mikael knows well how to deal and handle them when they happen because he has experience both with his foster siblings and kylo himself because mikael knew him the longest!

and here’s mister kylo, he is very small about 5′1 and skinny, he has big pretty expressive brown eyes and lil cute mustache and unibrow (:

[butgilinsky]

enough // sweet pea

warning; cheating, language, mention of sex, fighting

summary; y/n waits for sweet pea to get home, only to get the answers she’s been looking for. 

***

the feeling of being in love makes you feel as though nothing can harm you. you feel like you own the entire world. like it’s just you and your lover, above all. you feel invincible. 

however, some people don’t hold those feelings forever. sometimes one person slips, and leaves the other standing all alone. they hop off of the cloud that is their relationship, and leaves their love all by themselves. 

it started with little white lies. am “I'm on my way home” text five or ten minutes before he actually left the wyrm. “last game” before they started three more games. thats how it started. 

these little white lies soon turned into bigger lies. lies that would turn into multiple lies in order to cover up the lie. so many lies alter, pea would forget which lies he told, creating slip ups. lying about jobs, about where he was late at night. 

but soon the lies stopped, but the truth didn’t return. everything stopped. the communication, the trust, the honesty, everything flew out the window at what felt like the same time. 

so here y/n was, lying on the floor of the trailer, staring at the ceiling. she had rolled off of the couch earlier, and never stood back up. around 3 in the morning, the door opened and pea stumbled through, groaning when he caught sight of his girlfriend lying on the ground. 

“why are you up?” he asked in a grumpy tone, confused and upset for no reason. 

she shrugged softly, her eyes never leaving the ceiling. “couldn’t sleep.” was all she could say. 

“well get up. let’s go to sleep.” he walked into the bedroom, not bothering to even attempt to get her to her feet. 

after a few more minutes on the carpet, she stood up and walked down the hall, seeing the bedroom door wide open and the light on. she walked intot he room and saw pea tugging his shirt over his head, exposing the cuts and scratches along his back. 

“where were you?” her voice was soft. she knew she would get lies at first. she’d have to dig for truth if she wanted it out of him. 

“out.” he replied shortly, making her look down at her feet. 

“with a girl?” she snapped, knowing that the scratches along his back weren't from a job. 

he turned around to look at her, eyes narrowed and eyebrows furrowed together. 

“what are you insinuating?” he barked at her, scared that she was catching onto his mischief. 

“I’m just asking. you don’t get scratched up like that from a serpent job. and your shirt is in perfect condition. just seems a little odd, so I asked.” her shoulders moved up and down, her eyes absent of emotion. 

“I wasn’t with a girl.” his voice was low as he turned back around, hanging his jacket up in the closet. 

“then where were you pea?” she asked, knowing that if he was with a girl, he wouldn't have an answer ready for her. 

“why the fuck are you interrogating me, y/n? I was out. I was busy. okay?” he barked, turning around and taking as step towards her. 

she just nodded, a small smile creeping its way up to her lips. she bit down on her bottom lip as a tear escaped. he moved to wipe it but she dodged his touch, taking a step away from him. 

“you’re out until 3 every night. you’re gone when I wake up. you never tell me when you’re coming home or where you are. we’ve been together for three years, pea. it doesn't make sense unless-” she cut herself off, feeling a lump form in her throat. 

“y/n.” he whispered, trying to move towards her. 

she shook her head, looking at him. 

“who is she?” she asked. her voice was shaky and soft. 

“she’s from greendale.” his voice was no louder than a whisper. 

she took a step back, nodding slowly. 

“y/n I didn’t want to-”

“don’t.” she whispered as she went around the room and picked her stuff up. 

“y/n stop.” his voice was louder now, trying to get the girl to put her stuff back down. 

“don’t talk to me, sweet pea.” she screamed as she picked up her serpent jacket and walked out to the front of the trailer. 

“y/n can we just talk for a second?” he yelled after her. she had opened the door and turned to look at him, amazed at his question. 

“talk about how you look me in the eyes every night before going to sleep after you had the audacity to stick your dick in somebody else? did you think I would assume I left the scratches? did you think I would believe that you fell off your bike? do you ask her to not leave marks? do you think that I don't know when you’re acting weird? we’ve been together for 3 years, pea.” she was screaming, possibly waking some neighbors up. 

he stared at her with his lips parted, and tears running down his cheeks. he realized that he had thrown everything away over some girl he saw once a week. 

“I would’ve done absolutely anything for you, and you decided that that wasn’t enough for you. you’ll never get anybody that loves you as much as I do.” her voice cracked as her vision went blurry from the tears. 

“I don’t want anyone else, y/n.” he pleaded, trying to reach out for her but she just shook her head and slapped his hands away. 

“then you should’ve stayed away from her.” she mumbled before turning around and running out to her car. 

she got in the car, seeing pea in the doorway. he didnt walk out, he didn’t beg for her to come back inside. he just watched her pull away from the trailer at this ungodly hour. 

she pulled up to Toni’s driveway, going over if she should go inside or not. she debated for several minutes before she looked up to see the pink haired girl walking outside of her trailer, clutching a hoodie close to her. 

she got out of the car and ran to the girl, wrapping her arms around her and sobbing into her neck. 

she felt a big hand on the small of her back. she pulled away from toni and saw fangs standing beside her. 

she wrapped her arms around the boy, letting loud sobs pass her lips. fangs bent down and lifted her off of her feet, carrying her into Toni’s trailer. 

fangs laid her down on Toni’s bed, pulling the crying girl close to his frame. 

“fangs maybe you should check on him.” Toni’s voice was soft. 

“that piece of shit doesn’t deserve anyone to check on him.” fangs mumbled, making y/n let out another sob. 

“fangs he’s your best-”

“he cheated on her toni.” his voice silenced the girl, who sighed softly before shutting the lights off and crawling into bed with her friends, cuddling into y/n’s back. 

***

the next morning, y/n woke up to an empty bed, something she was too familiar with. 

but this time, when she walked out of the bedroom, she was met with her two grinning friends making breakfast for her and pushing each other around the kitchen. 

“y/n!” fangs yelled with his arms in the air, making y/n laugh. 

toni placed a mug of coffee in front of the girl, who smiled and mumbled a thank you. 

“we’re making waffles-”

“you’re burning them!” toni yelled, making fangs’ eyes widen, which ended with a giggling toni and y/n. 

“we’re going to the wyrm in an hour or so for that meeting.” toni said, making y/n smile slightly and nod. “you’re okay with that?” she asked. 

“I'm a serpent. I have to go to the meetings, no matter what cheating liar I have to see.” she shrugged slightly. 

her break up last night had obviously hurt, but as bad as it sounds, she knew something was up for months. she knew her and pea wouldn’t last if he kept acting like that, and she was happy she got rid of someone that treated her so poorly. 

he hadn’t always treated her like shit, but their last few months together were hell for y/n, and it was no longer healthy for her to stay in that environment. 

after the three of them ate, they drove to the wyrm in y/n’s car all together. they were laughing and singing songs loudly the entire way there, trying to loosen up before they had to face sweet pea. 

when they walked in, the circle was already former, fp standing on a chair in the middle. 

“you’re late.” he said with an amusing smile towards the three who stumbled into the bar. 

“sorry.” y/n mumbled while they all started laughing. 

they all walked to the circle and listened to fp speak. y/n tried to keep her eyes on fp so she wouldn’t see sweet pea before she absolutely had to. 

when he stopped talking, some of the serpents had jobs to go to, which thinned out the crowd. fangs told y/n there was no way she would beat him in pool, so they made their way to the table to end their small argument. 

halfway through the game, her eyes met sweet pea’s while fangs was taking his shot. her smile left her face as she gulped and shook her head, disconnecting their gazes. 

the two finished their game, fangs winning. y/n rolled her eyes as fangs celebrated with his arms in the air. 

y/n stopped laughing when sweet pea walked over to the two of them, asking if he could talk to her. 

“I think it’d be best if you kept your distance.” fangs stepped in front of y/n, not wanting to see his friend hurt like she did last night. 

“fangs this isn’t your business-”

“you made it my business when you asked me to cover for you. I told you to tell her pea. I told you that she was going to leave you if you lied about it and you didn’t listen.” fangs was mad that his friend dragged him into his problems, but told him to back off when they were arguing. 

“I thought you were my best friend-”

“im also y/n’s best friend. and seeing my best friend sob into my chest all night long until she can barely breathe is something I'm not willing to go through again, because you can’t control your dick.” sweet pea swung his fist at fangs, knocking into his jaw. 

fangs was quick to fire back, the two fighting in the middle of the wyrm. 

“pea!” y/n yelled, stepping in front of the two and putting her hands on his chest. he looked down at the girl he broke, tears present in her eyes as she silently begged him to just leave. 

“I just want to talk.” he said to her, begging her to hear him out. 

“you should’ve thought about that before you fucked someone else, pea.” she whispered before pushing him slightly and going to make sure fangs was okay. 

“y/n I just want to-”

“enough!” she screamed, quieting down every other voice in the building. “you want everyone in the world to do what you want, when you say. I fell in love with you, sweet pea. I fell in love with your awkwardly tall ass in middle school. I fell in love with your laugh, your need to protect those close to you. I fell in love with the boy that would stay up late with me when I had a nightmare. I fell in love with the boy that was always there for me, whenever I needed. but you’re not that boy anymore. you’re a lying, selfish, pathetic piece of shit who decided that the girl that did everything she possibly could to bring the slightest smile to your face, wasn’t enough. you broke my trust, and my heart. you decided that the girl with all of the love in the world for you, wasn’t good enough to compete with the girl that would fuck you whenever you needed to get your dick wet. that was your decision. to throw away 3 years of pure love and admiration for a quick fuck. you decided that, so you don’t get to talk anymore, sweet pea. you don’t get to come in here and start a fist fight with fangs because you realize someone actually gives a shit about me.” she spat, standing up to the man that nobody else stood up to. the other serpents looked at you with wide eyes, the females holding wide smiles as you stood up to the boy. 

“you don’t get that privilege. you don’t get anything anymore. no more falling at your feet. no more waking p at 3 a.m to help you through a panic attack. no more making coffee at midnight because you can’t sleep. no more, pea. I will not be there for somebody who isn’t there for me.” she shook her head, wiping the tears that fell from her eyes as she walked past the tall boy, pushing the doors open and leaving the wyrm. 

she finally had enough. 

[groundramon]

i just watched detective pikachu too what are your thots on it!

I enjoyed it actually!!  More than I thought I would.  I’ll give my slightly more spoiler-ish review under the cut:

I’m not a big fan of adult humor shoved into movies just for the heck of it but I felt like the adult jokes in the movie were actually written with intention and care rather than “oh shit our script is bad…we need to make the adults laugh, let’s make a cocaine joke!”  Maybe part of it is that that’s exactly where my brain went too with that shit and it was humor based on important plot points, and the dialogue didnt feel awkward (well it did but it was supposed to because tim was in a tizzy).  Another part of it might be ryan renold’s just natural inclination towards those kinds of witty roles but tim’s actor (IDK HIS NAME SORRY) played off the same energy and made them flow okay too.  All in all, I can completely agree with the statement that Detective Pikachu is what hollywood video game-to-movie adaptations should be.  It feels very hollywood while also not being an insult to the Pokemon franchise, which is a very delicate balance although in retrospect it’s not that hard bc pokemon and hollywood both just want to make money.  I just have low expectations.

Seeing Braviary made me rlly rlly happy!! he looked so good!! I saw rufflet in the trailer ofc but I never saw Braviary and he looks super cool!  I really loved the treecko on the window at the apartment building as well.  The torterra were another cool surprise.  I can agree that most Pokemon in the movie are in at least one of the trailers in some form tho.  But seeing their full performance in the movie is much more fun imo!  Overall the CGI was really great, there was like…one scene or two scenes where I noticed slight awkwardness between Tim/Pikachu when they were interacting physically, but it was pretty minor (like when Pikachu was unconscious, Tim wasn’t cradling him as baby-like as I would, he seemed more tense and less careful than I’d expect).

The bulbasaurs made me cry and my mom liked the mr mime scene.  I saw that one post a lot and still didn’t believe it until I saw it.  He’s fucking dead now I guess.  ALSO I FEEL SO BAD FOR MEWTWO just let him be free and happy!!! he just wants to chill with the bulbasaur and the morelull!! goddamn!!! I wanna do that too, just fuck off to the woods and hang with some bulbasaur and morelull, tbh

Plot-wise I think the villain was the most relatable villain in the entire Pokemon franchise because I, too, would do anything to become a Pokemon.  Idk why he thought it was necessary to do that to other people tho.  Like he could just charge money to do that to people?  And he’d get paid AND not get arrested?  People would pay to do that.  I would pay to do that.  Is it ethical?  No.  I just thought his motivation for that part was kinda weak.  Typical weak hollywood twist villain tbh.  But god his actions were great, i wish I could copy paste his goal onto an actually good character.

Girl character is girl and romance is cliche.  Would’ve been more fun if she stayed a psyduck and Tim had an ethical dilemma as to whether or not it’s okay to fuck a psyduck with a human-level consciousness (a pussyduck, if you will).  And I hate it when fictional scenes make me think of the ethical-ness of inter-species breeding so that’s saying a lot.

The story’s main pull was the relationship between Tim, his father, and Pikachu, and the mystery they had to solve, and while the plot is kind of rough, the emotion behind it makes it all worth it imo.  It’s a typical hollywood film, I’m only 18 and barely watch any movies but I’ve literally seen this story done before.  But to do it with Pokemon, and to do it with actors who really seem to care…that’s what made it worth it.  You’ve seen the story before, but it’s still a cute film.  It’s not bad or obnoxious even though the story is pretty rough.  It can still make you emotional even though it’s kinda cliche.  It’s just…fun.  Turn off your brain because it’s Pokemon and Pokemon never has a good story, and you’ll just have a lot of fun.

I wish I was in rhyme city when that all happened so that I could ask mewtwo to keep me a pokemon

Oh I was also surprised by the amount of gen 5 Pokemon, although I was in the trailers too.  I’m gonna count up all the Pokemon I remember seeing now - I’ll probably forget a few gen 1 pokemon since it’s definitely gen 1 heavy and I was mostly looking for non-gen 1 pokemon, but hopefully I still got them all.

Gen 1: Bulbasaur, Charmander, Charizard, Squirtle, Blastoise, Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Growlithe, Arcanine, Machamp, Polywhirl/wrath…? (I think but I dont remember aaa), Gengar, Snorlax, Magikarp, Gyrados, Eevee, Flareon, Pidgeotto, Pidgeot, I think there were Pidgeys but I couldn’t really tell…, Mew (picture only), Mewtwo, Ditto, Psyduck (…duh), um…I think that’s it?TOTAL COUNT: 24+ (again I might’ve missed some)

Gen 2: Noctowl, Aipom, Snubbull, SneaselTOTAL COUNT: 4

Gen 3: Treecko, Ludicolo…I think that’s it…TOTAL COUNT: 2

Gen 4: Torterra, um…..?? seriously wait, is torterra the only one? I gotta google this hold on-

…i forgot lickitung, cubone, doduo, dodrio, and rattata in gen 1. and primeape. i also forgot togepi and actually a fuck ton more. i remember all of those tho not some of the other ones. f. i dont remember primeape tho and also i mostly remember doduo and dodrio from the trailer oops

I FORGOT MOTHER FUCKING MR MIME

this post is cancelled but looking on bulbapedia tells me that the totals for each gen pokemon (species, not how many appear) are:

Gen 1: 32

Gen 2: 7, but bulbapedia says 6, i saw several noctowl towards the beginning of the film tho and bulbapedia doesnt have noctowl listed

Gen 3: 4

Gen 4: 3 (lmao)

Gen 5: 8

Gen 6: 4

Gen 7: 2

Overall a kind of weird distribution imo.  I realize the first chapter of Detective Pikachu (the game) came out before gen 7, but still, it’s kinda weird to me personally.  Gen 5 only has a major lead compared to every gen except for gen 2 and gen 1, but still.  The fact that it’s the second most represented gen (more than gen 2, even!) is interesting to me.  Maybe cuz the film was made in the US? so Unova? //shrug emoji//

But anyways yeah, i thought it was good!

[thegurlbehindthesmile]

I Wonder....

Hologram- The Technicolors plays in the background.

What race did i think i was in all this time? It was like this perpetual reminder constantly nagging me in my head...

what your 18 better not be singe for long-

 better go to college and forget about boys

- better get a degree and make lots of money

...married at 22 no degree - 

better excel in your career and climb the corporate ladder. 

hours of work and devotion 

BUT wait, dont work too hard you gotta have kids before your 30

what about an apartment- 

how about a trailer- 

how about a HOUSE. 

.. First son at 27- 

turning 30 at the end of this year. where did the time go?

...together for 11 years, married for 7 years, a 2 year old , a house, a dog, two cars.

i did exactly what i wanted to do in life.   i suppose.

don’t get me wrong i probably would seem obnoxiously ungrateful if i didn’t just stop there and say THANKS.

beautiful son. gorgeous husband.

the list goes on-  everything ive set my mind to in the past decade i have made come true.

NOW WHAT

i had this alarm in my head that i had to do “all this before 30″ why?? health reasons? statistic reasons? rumors? stories, why?

i feel like im rounding the last bend to a marathon i didnt even ask to be in? (or did i??!)

i think throughout my hussle and bussle (although i DID have SOME fun) i got lost in it all. I quickly entered the world of being 18 shattered battered and...engaged? positive that the love i was about to receive would catapult me into everything id ever needed.  (i guess it sorta did.)   career driven. beautiful. man on my side. ring on my hand “livin life” literally just climbing any career ladder i could- i had my “husband” as my cheerleader at my side. HUSBAND guys would say- “you’re to young”. yeah i got that ALOT. going to 21st birthday parties as the only married girl there. WHO WAS I.  we took married and young by the horns. i was so driven. you get over whelmed by the freedom. naturally you fall into some sort of rhythm because nice things cost money, and time just passes as you work and watch your work pay off. you feel accomplished. i was sure i saw my career in site and one would assume this WAS IT. this was the magic they talked about- enjoying your 20s- having a career u love- being MARRIED and secure. perfect...................

we were... the first couple to have an apartment. (so; big parties- no rules *rolls eyes)  we had a”wedding” so we had all these lovely gifts and things to lavish ourselves with in our first apartment. THE DREAM right?  just working and living and having fun. we traveled alot,, camped- we had big dreams to always be “like this” forever. in a moment (5 years into the beautiful maddness actually) we were sure we needed to materialize this power we had. this “love” we had needed to be a thing, a thing we wanted to nurture and bless and carry with us on our adventures. we had so much love we were ready to see what we could grow. (and grow it did- we had JP) 

the first year was hard- a new dynamic...we werent 2 anymore we were 3. and all of our decisions had a larger precaution. we wanted different things. rooted things. more stability. more direction. the air was different.

i was different.

i had put my career aside in my mind to concentrate on.on being something that something ELSE would flourish and grow beautifully in (um literally?) KIDS. i will be the first to tell you, kids were not on my radar (i just never saw myself as a kid person, i never understood the look parents give their little humans time after time- it confused me- it scared me i guess. it was just foreign.) till... i put allllll other thoughts aside. most definetly my first act of unconditional unselfish love. “hey self, we are about to give up our entire self to producing another human being” everything you smell eat touch. EVERYTHING. its like...well its like nothing youve ever gone through before until youve gone through it. we are fuckin amazing..the body can do some fuckin shit. COMPLETELY change in order to make this THING ... HUMANS and yeah. real hearts and lungs and little legs (oh and the hiccups, the awesome hiccups)

PHysically and mentally you go through some shit and although that may have been obvious to some- most??? it was not for me.

Mount Everest- Labrinth.

its just alot. im already not the best mentally- so to add this new function. emotional bandwith overload papi.

first its like 2,000 percent mom over load. YOU ARE A MOM and this teeny tiny creature needs you. NEEDS you. a need you thought you knew BUT YOU DO NOT. its this overwhelming warming beautiful amazing thing, the need a kid has for their parents. (i was IN IT- DEEP in IT)   IN love wasnt even the world. i do not loveeeee my son. my son IS LOVE. i can not explain it. but you get mentally rewired. i am not the girl i was before, im just not. 

i no longer wanted the career i had before. i no longer even wanted the LIFE i had before. i wanted more of this drug my son was giving me. this surreal daydream of laughs and kisses and just moments. time literally passes differently now. i see things differently now,  i feel things differently now. things have so much different meaning. i swear its as if im stuck in some molly, acid, shroom trip.

i feel like someone lit a fire to my soul and everything i touch now is illuminated differently.  when a person is growing inside you you can feel their heartbeat. you can feel the brush of their leg as they roll over to get comfortable. life has different meaning. LOVE has different meaning. love darling is caring you for 9 months and waiting with baited breathe for a stranger youve created. its a smell youve never smelled before and instantly is your favorite. its like you were never comfortable before they fell asleep in your arms, youve never known true peace until their skin was comfortable by yours. ITS PURE MAGIC .  i was different.  

some of the things i loved before, i- was confused about now. 

Love was different for me now,

how i wanted to give love.

how i wanted to receive love.

like a perpetual darkness was lifted from my eyes.

Wash.-Bon Iver

Im sorry i didnt know it would change ME. (im sorry about how cliche that sounds..)

from the moment i was little. it was go to school. get good grades. to go college. find a nice boy. get married. move in together, start a family- live happily ever after

but they leave out the nitty griddies. (even my own parents were divorced. who was anyone kidding) the years following our marriage all we heard about was how divorce was at its all time high. we vowed (among other things) that , that wouldnt be us. we both came from homes and divorce and we didnt want that for us. 

i think it was then that divorce became this ugly word. scary word. bad word.  i mean it is though..right?...

verb

1.legally dissolve one's marriage with (someone)

2.separate or dissociate (something) from something else.

we got married because. well im sure for different reasons?

i got married because,( it was what i was suppose to do?). you find someone you love and are attracted to and if your lucky enough to have them feel the same way- you... marry them. and thats that.you cant have kids or live with someone who you arent married too (said the stigma of my parents and those around me)  i mean i know theres more to it then that but a brief outline? leaving out all the mooshy stuff. you make this feeling legal, you change some names and now your not only emotionally reliant on this person but basically reliant on them for every fuckin single thing else too (basically).

marriage is beautiful.  if your lucky enough to find your soul mate in this world. someone who just gets you and enjoys your company and wierdness then your blessed and you would probably want to spend the rest of your existence with this person.  i mean it makes sense. 

its just as i’ve developed into this next stage of myself, ive made each of my actions have more purpose (i do this because everthing i do my son now sees and its just different now) howww i do something- what i say. i just think about it all and that includes the things i was naturally doing before that i never thought of.

marriage.  do i love my sons father yes. hes attractive and im attratced to him. hes funny and knows just how to make me laugh. its the little things. how he makes JP laugh or when their doing snuggles in his bed. how my son says Dada when hes upset or how he looks just like him. before my love for my husband was an array of things from love to lust- obsession. all the best and worse of love. we were inseparable. engulfed in each other in EVERY way, i knew we were in love and so did everyone around us. 

and then my son was born.

JP....i dont think you have to marry someone to show them how much you love them. i think true devotion starts with intention and your soul mate will know by your actions where your true feelings are.always be true. always be kind. i think if you want to love someone- love them fully, respectfully and unconditionally. learn and grow with them and from them and continue to make each other better people. and in that time you find your spark ignites another i employ you to indulge in meeting new people and new interactions. Make your heart full if you feel it hurting.  not bonded by anything physical but truly understanding that you were meant to love. REALLY LOVE. and maybe thats with one person forever, or a series of different people through out your life time in so many different and amazing ways. boys, girls.. just loving people and sparking the light in them only YOU can ignite. and becoming your best self.  only to continue to become your best self with that same intention for others. 

and thats my truth.   i look into your eyes and just want the best for you.knowing that’s different for you as it is me. but realizing i want to live by the example i want you to live by.

.... im not her anymore.

the day you were born i became someone new.