#I didn't know whether you wanted me to write a starter or stick with the thread we have a

[rosierin]

she used to love me | suna rintarou

synopsis; suna muses about his feelings towards (y/n), from childhood to current day.

(y/n)'s pov here

a/n; oh to be as positive and vibrant as y/n. also thank you to my lovely bf for proof reading this and helping me write in a guy's voice cause this shit was hard af

this fic is part of the off-season quartet™ series! for more, click here :)

She used to love me.

Never in that dramatic, sappy, rom-com kind of way. Her love wasn’t loud, or complicated. Not really. It was just... there. Quiet, constant—like background noise I never really noticed until it stopped.

I think it started around when we were ten, back in elementary school—when our biggest problems were our times tables and whether we could eat two snacks before dinner without our mums noticing.

I was always a quiet kid.

Still am, honestly.

Didn’t talk much. Didn’t stand out much. Back then, I think people called me the weird kid, which was fine. I didn’t care. I liked it better that way, anyway.

Then there was her.

Bright. Loud. My polar opposite in every way. Always running toward something, while the rest of us followed. She'd probably deny it now, but she was always kind of a leader—even when she didn't notice it. She just had this... energy. One that pulled you in without you realising.

Sounds kind of annoying, actually. But it never was. Not her. Never her.

Looking back, I don’t even remember when we became friends. I don't think many people do. When you're kids stuff like that just sort of happens.

If I had to guess though, I'd say out friendship started the day I bought Pokémon Platinum for my DS. I planned on playing it right after class and shoved it in my backpack, not thinking anyone would notice.

She did.

She pointed it out during our lunch break, started talking my ear off—about how it was her favourite, why the Sinnoh region was the best, which starters were underrated.

I barely said two words. Just nodded. Listened. Most people would’ve taken the hint and gotten bored.

She didn’t.

Guess she decided I was worth the effort, because after that, she just... kept showing up. At school. At my house.

Some weekends, she’d appear in my bedroom, sit down next to me without asking and load up her own game like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I didn’t stop her, though. Never really wanted to.

She wasn't someone I expected to get along with. She was the embodiment of Little Miss Chatterbox—you know, that pink cartoon character with the blonde pigtails?

Yeah. That was (y/n).

Still, my awkward, moody teenage self must’ve seen the appeal, because I never told her to leave. And even now, she still talks my ear off about things I normally couldn’t care less about.

She was just... different. Just her.

Bright. Stubborn. Impossible to shake.

She was like glue. Or chewing gum. Clingy in a way I probably should’ve hated, but never did.

I remember calling her that once—chewing gum. Meant it as an insult.

She just grinned—big, gap-toothed, proud of herself—and asked me what flavour she’d be.

Back then, I didn’t know how to answer. I probably called her a weirdo, brushed her off while she probably scolded me for being mean.

If she asked me again, I’d probably say strawberry.

Summery. Bright. Liked by everyone. A real crowd pleaser. The kind of sweetness that sticks around even after it’s gone.

Yeah.

(Y/n) would be strawberry.

I should've known that Little Miss Strawberry had a crush on me when she would wait for me at the school gates every day.

Even if I was late.

Especially if I was late.

I remember being sick one morning and she waited outside for almost an hour, determined that I'd show up. It was only when one of the teachers spotted her outside and told her I caught the flu that she actually went inside.

She sat next to me during every lesson—got us told off more times than I can count. She was the type to miss it when teachers were shooting death glares at us. The type to laugh harder when we were specifically told not to laugh.

A royal pain in the ass.

But one I'd never dream of trading my seat with.

I remember how she'd always lend me her green highlighter. Said it didn’t suit her "aesthetic" anyway. Said that it matched my eyes.

(Teenage me did not get the hint.)

When we got older, people started calling us a duo. Not in a teasing way—more like we were inevitable. I guess, to everyone else, we looked like a story waiting to happen. Joint at the hip, or whatever they used to say.

As corny as it is, she was almost like gravity.

I didn’t have to reach for her. She was just always... there.

She had this laugh that cracked the corners of her serious little face. Always a little louder than the rest—like she was living everything in brighter colours than the rest of us.

And she smiled at me like I was important, like I mattered more than I ever realized.

Back then, I didn’t know how to name that kind of affection.

Maybe I still don’t.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

I think I started noticing it more around age thirteen, when we hit middle school.

The way she got quieter around me. The way she’d fidget with the hem of her sleeves when we talked. The blush that spread across her face when our hands touched. The way she always remembered the things I didn’t even know I’d said: what food I liked, what game I was waiting for, what songs I listened to—and then showing up with these little gifts.

A new playlist burned onto a CD.

A keychain of a character I said I liked once.

A melon pan that she'd shyly hand me after practice. God, she was so terrible at playing it cool.

"Here," she'd said, "was passing by the bakery anyway."

I didn't find it particularly funny at the time. But I think if she ever tried lying like that to me again, I'd laugh straight in her face.

There was no bakery anywhere near her walk home. She must’ve known I’d figure that out.

Thirteen-year-old me didn't call her out for it. Just accepted it all with a nod, or a smirk if I was feeling particularly self-aware that day.

But the real kicker?

She stopped calling me by my dumb nicknames.

No more RinRin.

No more Rinnie.

Just Rintarou, or Rin on days she was feeling bolder. Careful. Formal. Like she was scared of being too much.

I didn't think much of it at first.

But eventually, it clicked.

She liked me.

And I didn’t know what the hell to do with that.

I wasn’t into her like that. Not then.

She was still just... her. (Y/n). Little Miss Chatterbox. Little Miss Strawberry and still the royal pain-but-not in my ass.

Still the girl who beat me at Mario Kart by sabotaging my controller and laughed like it was the funniest prank in the world.

I didn’t want to lose that.

Didn’t want to lose her.

So I ignored it.

Pretended I didn’t notice when she started dressing different—fixing her hair in ways she never used to, wearing little accessories that didn’t feel like her.

I even caught the faint smell of perfume once when she sat down beside me, way stronger than anything she ever wore before.

It was the same scent I once said I liked. On some other girl.

I wasn’t stupid. I've always been pretty self-aware. I put it together.

And yeah—in a shitty, selfish, teenage boy way... sometimes I liked it. Liked knowing she thought I was worth trying for. Liked the way her eyes lingered when she thought I wouldn’t catch it. Liked the way she tried a little harder around me.

But I never said anything. Never did anything. Never entertained it, past maybe a small smile I didn’t bother hiding.

But she never confessed—never made it weird. She just kept loving me quietly like she'd been doing since we were nine, without ever asking for anything back.

I figured it’d fade. Eventually.

And I guess... it did.

But sometimes—sometimes I think about how carefully she used to look at me. And how careless I was with it.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Her feelings began fading after that. Not all at once. Not dramatically. It happened in shifts—like seasons changing when you’re too distracted to notice.

It started when we started high school. We must've been fifteen, then.

She told me once, back in middle school, that she’d follow me wherever I went. And to be honest, I thought she was joking.

(She wasn’t.)

So when I got scouted to play for Inarizaki, she just shrugged and said, "cool. I'll go there too," like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And she did.

I joined the team in our first year.

I’d always been good at volleyball—not to brag, but it came easy. Movement. Instinct. Precision. All things I was good at and enjoyed.

She came to a few practices at first, hanging out on the bleachers, cheering like nobody else was watching. I guess some people might have found it embarrassing—but me? Nah. Actually, it was… kinda nice. Familiar.

It was a brand new school, away from home, away from everything we knew. We had to stay in dorms, surrounded by people with funny accents and different hobbies—so having (y/n) was a comfort I most definitely took for granted.

After practice, she’d wait for me by the gates. We’d walk to our dorms together, eat lunch together like always.

She was still my person—still the one who refilled my water bottle without me asking, still the one who yelled at me when I forgot to do my homework.

Thing is, we weren’t the only ones anymore. There were teammates now. Locker rooms. New people. New jokes.

But she was still right there. Still mine—in a way I didn’t have a name for yet.

It was her idea that I introduce her to the team. I figured why not. I spent most of my time there, anyway. The team was pretty chill.

Well... most of them.

That's when the Miya twins entered the picture.

Or rather, tore the pen from our hands and wrote themselves into our story.

Loud. Ridiculous. Annoyingly talented. That's how I'd have described them back then. (Well, actually... They haven't changed much.)

She wasn’t keen on Atsumu at first—can’t blame her. Said he talked too much. Said he moved like he knew people were watching. Not that she was wrong.

Osamu was more tolerable—calmer, more polite. She liked him better.

Sometimes, I'd catch her laughing at something he said and—well, it made sense. Osamu and I were pretty similar—same energy, same dry humour, same vacant expression.

Hypothetically, if she were gonna have a crush on anyone, Osamu seemed like the obvious choice.

Not that it bothered me.

(Not really.)

(Not enough to think about it for more than a second.)

Why would I?

She still sat beside me at lunch. Still poked my side when I zoned out. Still smiled that smile that made everything else a little quieter.

We were still a duo. Still unshakable.

Sure, there was the twins.

But me? I was still her anchor, and things were still good.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

By the time we were sixteen, somewhere in the middle of high school, things had officially changed.

She just... stopped waiting for me after class.

At first, I didn’t think much of it. Figured she was just busy—making new friends, expanding her orbit a little.

It was good, I told myself. Healthy, even.

She wasn’t supposed to stay glued to me forever.

Still—it threw me off. More than I wanted to admit.

I’d catch her across the courtyard sometimes, sitting with Osamu, bickering with Atsumu, then laughing harder than I'd heard in a while. Not the quiet laugh she used to save just for me. Louder. Freer. A little wilder.

At first, I was glad since I thought it meant we could just be normal again. No tension. No careful glances. No aching silences.

But then something started to ache anyway. And I didn’t understand why.

The twins pulled her in like a tide. They were loud, chaotic, overwhelming—but she still held her own.

She never let Atsumu win an argument. Never. She matched his volume, his fire, his rhythm like she was built for it.

And I watched—quietly, stubbornly—as something bloomed between them. Something she and I never had.

And the thing is… she didn’t fall for him right away.

She actually hated him at first. It took her months to actually warm up to him. She told me she thought he was a self-absorbed loudmouth. Which, yeah. He was. Still is.

And it was funny, honestly—watching them argue like an old married couple.

I’d smirk behind my water bottle, listen to her roast him without missing a beat, listen to Atsumu get all red-faced and defensive.

She always won. Always.

And it was good—good to see her like that. Confident. Sharp. Untouchable.

Except... sometimes, I'd catch the way her smile lingered when he said something stupid. The way her face lit up when she teased him.

At first, I brushed it off, because there was no way, right? Atsumu and (y/n)?

Yeah. Nah.

(Y/n) liked quiet guys. Chill guys. Guys who didn’t need to be the centre of attention.

Guys like—

...

Well. Never mind.

If she was gonna fall for anyone, it would’ve been Osamu. That made sense. That was safe.

But Atsumu?

No.

'Least that's what I thought.

But something changed. I don’t know when. I don’t even think she noticed.

But I did.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

There was a time I was the one she looked for first in a room. Didn’t matter where we were—class, a crowded gym. Her eyes would always find mine first, like it was automatic.

By the time we were seventeen, I think I’d already lost that.

And then came graduation. We were eighteen when the four of us moved in together—me, the twins, and her. A decision that felt inevitable, like we were just continuing the story we started as kids.

New city. New school. New everything.

But her? She was still familiar. Still safe.

And then came that winter.

New Year’s Eve.

We'd gone back home for the holidays. My house was empty, the twins back home in Hyogo. (Y/n) was around, like she always was back then. And it just... happened.

I kissed her. It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t sweet.

It was messy, selfish—hungry in a way I hate admitting now.

I’d like to say it was love that made me do it. That I knew what I was feeling. But honestly? It was lust.

It was late. It was quiet. She was sitting on my bed, wearing my old hoodie, looking at me with those eyes she probably didn’t even realize were still full of hope.

And maybe it finally hit me how much she’d grown into herself. Not that she wasn’t always pretty—she was.

But now? Sitting there, close enough to touch, close enough to ruin—

Yeah. I wanted her.

Not in the right way. Not in the way she probably used to hope for.

I just... wanted her.

And because I was a dumb, horny teenager with the emotional range of a teaspoon, I gave in. I leaned in. I kissed her.

And the worst part?

She kissed me back.

Like she’d been waiting for it.

Like we were still kids and this was the ending everyone saw coming.

I let it get heated—too heated. Hands, breath, weight shifting—

I was ready to take it further.

I didn’t even stop to think if I should.

But she did. Thank God she did.

She pulled back. Said she couldn't go through with it. And I knew—I knew—it was because she had more sense than I did. That she wasn't looking for a casual hook-up.

And I was stupid to think for even a second that I was okay with that.

She didn’t look at me for the rest of the night—not because we were cuddling, but because she probably felt as conflicted as I did.

And that's how I knew I'd fucked up. Whatever she’d felt for me—the crush, the hope, the stupid, innocent dream of us—

I think that was the moment it died.

And I didn’t try to fix it.

Didn’t say sorry.

I just... pretended it never happened. Acted like it didn’t mean anything.

And she let me.

She kissed me like she’d always wanted to.

Then stopped like she’d never feel that way again.

And after that… she got closer to Atsumu.

And I pretended not to notice.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

I think that’s when I started to fall for her. Like, really fall.

Not for the version of her that used to sit beside me with strawberry pocky in her backpack and stars in her eyes. Not the kid who used to wait for me at the gates. But for the woman she was becoming—sharper, warmer, fiercer. Still soft in all the best ways. Still kind. Still sweet. Still hers.

But no longer mine.

And sometimes—more often than I’d like to admit—I still think about that kiss.

It’s stupid, probably. It’s been years. And we never talked about it. Not once. But the memory’s still there. Lodged under my ribs like a splinter I never pulled out.

I don’t regret it. Not even for a second.

Looking back, it was stupid timing. And probably selfish of me to make a move on her the way I did. But for one second, I knew what it felt like to have her want me. And I’d take that over pretending it never happened.

Sometimes, I wonder what would've happened if she hadn't pulled away. If I’d kissed her like I meant it—for more than just a moment. If I’d been a little braver. A little less stupid. If I’d grown up a little faster.

Maybe she would've stayed. Maybe she would've looked at me the way she used to.

But I didn’t. And neither did she. And now we just pretend it never happened.

I don’t bring it up. I don’t want to make things weird. Don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

She’s moved on. I know she has. She’s got her heart set on someone else now.

She probably doesn’t even think about that night anymore.

…But I do.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

We were nineteen when I first realized I was in love with her. Maybe I always was, in some far-off version of the timeline where I didn’t take her for granted.

Now we're almost about to graduate college and nothing’s changed.

She and Atsumu aren’t together, not officially. But they move like magnets now. They have their own inside jokes—the kind I’m not a part of. They cook together. Tease each other. Argue like it’s foreplay.

He’s softer around her. She’s brighter around him.

And it's not like I hate it. I like seeing her happy—I do. I just… miss being the one who got that version of her—miss being the one she used to look at like that.

And maybe that’s the part that’s hardest to explain. Because it's not just watching her fall for someone else. It’s watching her fall for someone I know.

Atsumu's one of my closest friends. And it’s not weird, exactly. Just… conflicting. Hard to explain.

It’s strange to see the way he looks at her when he thinks no one’s watching. Stranger still to think it’s the same way she used to look at me.

And I don’t think he even realizes it half the time. Or maybe he does and he just doesn’t know what to do with it. Because I know how Atsumu thinks. I know what scares him.

He’s terrified of commitment. Of getting it wrong. Of ruining something that matters. His pride gets in the way. I bet his career does, too.

He’s all or nothing, and he doesn’t know how to be subtle about it.

And maybe I’m not mad at him for that. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish he’d just get his shit together.

Say the damn words. Stop dancing around it. Stop wasting time she won’t ask him to hurry.

Because she won’t.

(Y/n) is soft. That’s just who she is. Too soft if you ask me. Too soft in a way that means she'll never ask for more. Never protect herself from hurt until it's too late.

She feels things deeply. Hopelessly. Quietly.

And I know that—because I experienced it first-hand.

I know how careful she can be with her love. How she shows it in the small things, like a green highlighter or a slice of melon pan. She doesn’t ask to be seen—not outright.

So yeah. Watching someone like her love someone like him?

It scares me a little. Because I know what it’s like to hold her feelings and not know what to do with them.

And I know what it’s like to lose them.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

She sits across the living room now, reading her little romance novel while Atsumu rants about something stupid from the kitchen. Osamu’s half-asleep on the couch. I’m pretending to scroll on my phone.

But I’m not really paying attention—hard to when she's sitting right there.

She glances up—sensing it, like she always does. Catches me in the act.

Smiles.

And it still hits me in the gut. Every. Single. Time.

Because I remember a time when that smile was mine first. When I was the one she waited for after class. When I was the one who knew all her little routines and inside jokes and favourite types of endings in books.

She used to love me.

And I let it pass me by.

Now I love her.

Quietly. Constantly.

And I don’t know if she’ll ever look back.

But if she ever does…

This time, I’ll be ready.

[blnk338]

Could you share the issue regarding the inclusivity poll please? The one you said was resolved? Just so it helps other writers. I think it's important to share such information<3 or maybe do some notes us other writers should be aware of?

I didn't vote because I am not a poc but since we're on the topic of reader insert: the one thing I felt a bit uncomfortable with was "your mom's name" when reaper was visiting her mom. I personally don't have an issue imagining myself as an oc persona such as a ripped reaper but my mom is so nice and that part bugged me. For example, I feel like parents' names shouldn't be inserted or mentioned at all. OR give them a random name at the beginning as a starter disclaimer. Just a personal thought. Everything else is very much well thought through. Kudos as always 😉

hello!!

so the issue that was brought up from the poll was solved here, but i have so far not gotten a response for the "not good" answer. i suppose it could have been a misclick or perhaps someone just wanted to see the answers and didn't read the title first, but if there was an issue (or issues) that caused them to genuinely pick that answer, i'd love to be able to fix it!

some general notes when it comes to writing a race-neutral mc:

don't describe showers (or really, certain morning/night routines); it's important because a lot of people don't wash their hair every day. whether it be for preference, for hair type, or for how they wear their hair, it can be alienating to detail every shower as "washing your hair."

this mistake was actually corrected in the tagged post-- but be aware of how some skin scars! it had slipped my mind that not all scarring ends up pinkish-- it'll just be a dimmer version of the person's skin tone.

don't use major descriptors for hair. "billowing in the wind," "[your ponytail] pulled at your scalp," "curling around the face." all of these can be linked to a certain hair type, usually.

when describing skin, use vague terms. for example "the light from the shades dappled across your skin," instead of "the light sheened off your pale skin."

"your cheeks grew pink," "your face went red," can't always be applied to people with darker skin tones. but yk what can? growing physically warm, sweating, getting goosebumps, or feeling rushes of adrenaline! if you're gonna write something fluffy, make sure everyone gets included.

sometimes eyebags aren't easily seen, either. a lack of melanin means the purple under the lids sticks out more, but eyebags are also sometimes visible with creases, puffiness under the eyes, or a slight droop.

don't go into major detail with facial features. when describing reaper's facial scarring, i keep it general and try not to describe how lips look, whether freckles are cut up from the scarring, etc.

also, when i talk about reaper's mask, i don't talk much about her nose. obviously, larger noses might stick out more from the base of the mask, but plenty of people have flattened noses, so that wouldn't really work. instead, i used a general description (not verbatim) "fits perfectly to your nose."

bonnets and durags! people wear them all the time! in the house, out of the house, but for sleeping, too! mention them as an option for your readers to better immerse them.

really try to remember, especially as a white person, that most fanfics (intended or not) use white people as a default. there're probably a lot of people who will enjoy your fic more if they can see themselves in place of the mc. if you don't sit back, reread your chapter and think "yeah, i could picture anyone in this position" (unless the fic is specified to be black!reader x character or something of the variation), you might want to change it up.

thank you for the comment on reaper's moms name! i sort of can't change that much considering how far we are into the series, but I've removed the times where specifically "your mom/mother's name" (or a variation) was mentioned. (let me know if i missed anything).

sorry about dissing your mom, I'm sure she's lovely :) (/gen)

i also partially didn't add any details on reaper's mom's name because i didn't want to allude to any specifics on reaper's background

thank you so much for the support!

as a small disclaimer... i'm really grateful to get this kind of feedback, from my readers of color and not, it's great to hear how I'm doing because i want to make a fun fic for you guys! if the change is something quick and easy (like this and the tagged message), i don't mind it!

[chipstertool]

Chipster Rambles About: Delicious Party PreCure (2022)

So, when I made a post about about making Wonderful Precure being my first ever Precure to watch, it was half and half due to wanting to check the series out and that I didn't have time to even watch it. But, I think I'm now able to see the franchise and I'll be starting with this one as a starter.

[Possible Spoilers Below]

By the synopsis, it seems that Delicious Party Precure is cooking themed by how cuisine is presented and Oishiina Town looks like every foodie's dream place due to having streets for a specific food type such as Western, Japanese, Chinese, etc.

It seems that the other world is the Cookingdom where we have a king and queen and have a character who's likely to stick with our main trio due to a recipe book going missing. I don't whether I expected it or not but having Rosemary be flat out hungry is how he meets the precures is pretty funny.

The precures for this show are Yui Nagomi, Kokone Fuwa, and Ran Hanamichi which each have their own restaurants. For the cure names, it might be me but Cure Sweet (Precious) and Cure Tangy (Yum Yum) might go well for the theming since Cure Spicy is the only one related to the cooking theme and how certain foods taste when we eat them. Maybe there is a Cure Sweet but I'll have to see which series it has that title. The ending centered around each cure is neat since the drinks are related to each cure: Strawberry juice, Soda pop, and Pineapple juice. It's pretty neat that their individual episodes gives them their own quirks and how food impacted their lives.

The Bundoru Gang are actually phantom thieves and it's very interesting how snatching a specific Recipeppi actually affects how the food tastes; just like how stealing the omurice fairy made the dish taste different to which directly made the other businesses shut down during the opening minutes. Didn't expect to have Gentlu to be break out of their control twice so early on. It also seems that each member of the Bundoru Gang has their own way on how food is affect from losing memories to becoming blocky. It's interesting that each member had their own reason, mainly their own dissatisfaction with food. Even though we only know that Gentlu/Cure Finale was brainwashed, I honestly wonder if she joined the gang out of her volition when she first met them since it does leave the possibility that she was left unsatisfied with something.

I also didn't expect that Takumi to catch on what was happening since the first episode. By the 13th episode, I'm like "Okay, what the hell is happening here!?" after I saw what he was holding. Next thing, you know I'm like "Oh. OH!" when I finished the episode. Was kind of bittersweet on his end since he genuinely loves Yui and has a conditioned dubbed "childhood friend syndrome" although there is hope that one day he'll confess on his own terms.

Cure Finale was something I expected to appear during the second half of the show but I was kind of surprised they would make her appearance early on. I like the parfait motif in her design and in honesty, this might be my favorite cure from the Delicious Party cast.

It did left me a bit teary eyed during the last few episodes and surprised to see the next Precure series just running towards the group on lending her pen to write something. Gotta say, I don't know whether to watch Sky Precure or Tropical Precure next.

[alfvaen]

Novel Spark

It's the beginning of a new year, but it's also the beginning of a new month. In which I read a number of books. Guess what? I'm going to tell you about them.

Possible spoilers for Jack L. Chalker's Dancing Gods novels, and Glenda Larke's Stormlord series.

John Scalzi: Agent To The Stars, completed December 2

John Scalzi seems like a nice guy online (though we've seen that one before), but I've been back and forth on his books. I've read the first two Old Man's War books and was kind of meh on the second one so I'm setting that series aside for now. Redshirts was great, though, and I read The Kaiju Preservation Society from the library and liked it too. I've been interested in Starter Villain, and when my wife picked it up I was going to put it on my shelf (well, virtual shelf since it was an ebook) when I remembered that I had put Agent To The Stars on after The Ghost Brigades. I'd read his story about how he came to write this book in the first place, etc., and I was willing to give it a try. And after a somewhat grim fantasy like The Briar King, some kind of lighter SF work might be nice. So here I am, giving it a try.

The basic premise is that aliens come to Earth and want to make contact with humans, but they're kind of amorphous gelatinous things (I'm picturing Yaphit from The Orville or Bob from "Monsters Vs. Aliens" here, mostly) and they've consumed enough of our media to know that humans are not going to react well to them. So their first contact is with an L.A. talent agency, where the job is passed off to our first-person protagonist, Tom Stein, who is introduced to specially-created envoy Joshua.

What follows is not actually madcap, but mostly light-hearted, as Tom has to deal with his star client, rising blonde star Michelle Beck who is fighting for a serious role in a Holocaust movie, reporters trying to figure why he's suddenly behaving so oddly, and his neighbours' decrepit dog, while he tries to figure out how to introduce these aliens to humanity. We also get some examination of that nature of life, consciousness, and identity, though not too deep.

All in all, I liked it better than The Ghost Brigades. After some internal debate about whether I should still go on to Starter Villain next (as opposed to The Collapsing Empire or Lock In), I decided to stick with it for now.

Jack L. Chalker: Songs of The Dancing Gods, completed December 6

Continuing with the Dancing Gods reread; this one is from six years after the original trilogy. It includes an introduction which recaps the original trilogy, but also provides some insight into why he wrote it in the first place. Apparently he had the hankering to write some epic fantasy, so he read some recent books (in what would presumably have been the late 70s) and was struck by how everything was either Tolkien or Conan. Which led him to thinking of an actual fantasy world that could exist that everyone was drawing from, where the rules were set down so the stories were all the same.

Now I was trying to think of what he might have been reading to lead him to these conclusions. So what can I find for 1970s fantasy? Katherine Kurtz's original Deryni series. They don't seem particularly generic to me, neither Tolkienesque or Conanesque. Pern is often mentioned, but it was really science fiction on many levels, as was (spit) Darkover, or C.J. Cherryh's Morgaine books. Lin Carter was literally writing Conan, as well as homages to the genre, so maybe he counts. Shannara didn't get going until 1977, but it did instigate a flood of Tolkienesques, which theoretically could include the Thomas Covenant series, though those were a lot less generic. And most of the other ones I think of (like Dennis McKiernan and Tom Deitz) came out later. So, in sum, I don't know what the hell Chalker was reading. But whatever.

Anyway, the book once again starts slowly, mostly focusing on the one character who got body-swapped last book into a slave body, and the Rules are imposing slave behaviour and thinking. In many ways she's the central character of the book as a result. They wander around for a bit near the beginning, then go on a mission up north to infiltrate enemy territory. (One character has gotten obsessed with "Gilligan's Island" since their sojourn on Earth in the last book. I think it's fair to say that Chalker was not a fan.) One interesting bit of worldbuilding is the ice field they have to cross which is actually an ancient frozen battlefield, with powerful magics that leak out if any of the ice ever melts. So they have to cross it without melting anything. Nice obstacle. (An ice obstacle, heh.) Once again manages to pull it together well enough for the end, but it still doesn't really transcend. One more book to go and then I imagine I will be weeding the entire series from my shelves.

Sarah Kuhn: Heroine Complex, completed December 11

Time for another female diversity book. I have a number of choices among authors that I've read before--Michelle West/Sagara, Premee Mohamed, N.K. Jemisin, S.G. Wong, and Fonda Lee, among others--I felt like it was time to try a new one. I was going back and forth between Tasha Suri and Sherry Thomas, when my wife reminded me of this one, which seemed like it had more of a fun vibe, so I decided to go for it.

Kuhn is half-Japanese, like her main character, Evie Tanaka. Evie is the lifelong friend and put-upon personal assistant of Aveda Jupiter, a.k.a. Annie Chang. After a demonic incursion event in San Francisco, Annie got low-level superpowers, but took the opportunity to rebrand herself as an ass-kicking superheroine/social media star. Evie also got some powers, but given that they're flame powers that tend to get out of control when her emotions get strong, she wishes they'd go away, and has been suppressing them and regimenting her existence ever since, not to mention looking after her little sister after their mother died and their father wandered off. But circumstances force her to stand in for Aveda temporarily, and it throws her carefully balanced life out of whack.

It's a pretty fun read, with characters who are not always rational, but you can understand why they aren't. Drops a lot of clues, some of which I picked up, about future plot twists. Oh, and there's a decent romance subplot too. I enjoyed it and will likely continue in the series; my wife has given me to understand that future books are from different POVs, the next one being Aveda and the one after that Evie's sister Bea.

Glenda Larke: The Last Stormlord, completed December 18

I was expecting to deliberate more on what to read after the Sarah Kuhn. I often file superhero books under "urban fantasy", given their modern settings and the fact that magic is often part of the milieu, and in the Sarah Kuhn book they explicitly have demons, as well as having a romance plot which is very similar to many I've seen in urban fantasy books. So that would tend to preclude reading an urban fantasy book next, leaving "epic fantasy", "science fiction", and, um, all the other genres, which are generally not as well represented.

But apparently as soon as I thought of the Glenda Larke book, my brain was like, "Sure, that'll be fine." I mean, it is an epic fantasy, and it's also the final book in a trilogy, so I can close off another series, which is usually a good thing. Unfortunately, in this case, it's been a while since I read the last one. I think it's possible that after I read Stormlord's Exile I forgot to put this book on my shelves, physical and virtual, so it wasn't on my radar for a while. But also there are certain unmistakeable similarities with the Karen Miller series I was reading. It's possible that those similarities are due to them both being Australian writers, which would explain them both writing series where, firstly, all the civilization is near the south coast and there's a bunch of desert to the north, and second, where the magic is mostly concerned with trying to control weather and bring water to dry lands. It's also kinda long, almost 700 pages, which may put me behind on my Goodreads challenge again (even reduced as it is), but I've decided not to care about that anymore, right? Anyway, it's taken me a while to get back to it, and my memory of what happened previously is spotty. I guess I'll get to see how good Larke's recap game is.

Immediately I am thrown off by the that we start with "Lord Jasper Bloodstone", the only extant Stormlord, who's secretly working with a "waterpainter" named Terelle to help shore up his inadequate weather magic…and before the chapter's over I realize that Terelle is calling him Shale, and I don't remember why he has two different names… But Shale is the main character I remember from the other two books, and I vaguely remember waterpainting, and the desert-dwelling tribesmen they mention, who travel using "pedes", or myriapedes, giant many-legged arthropods, to traverse the dunes.

A large chunk of the action in this book seems to take place in the land of Khromatis, which turns out to be a non-arid land across the desert which turns out to have even more people with water magic. This results in the action being a little fragmented, because just when we have established some of the conflicts going on back in the desert regions (the Quartern) we have a lengthy section set in Khromatis. It feels like a weird choice for the last book in the series to be introducing this new land and new characters. (Though I guess Karen Miller did something similar in her last "Fisherman's Children" book, and it refreshed the plot mightily.)

It all more or less comes together in the end, with bonus next-generation characters for potential sequels. Gets some bonus points for having actual trans (transitioned using magic, no less) and gay characters. Still, I don't know if I will be hunting down more Glenda Larke right away or anything.

Cory Doctorow: Walkaway, completed December 24

I've been reading Cory Doctorow from at least the time his first novel came out--at least his novels, if not his short stories or blog posts back then. I read Makers by installments on Tor.com, which was a weird experience. I met him once in Toronto when he and my wife were both nominated for "Forest of Reading" awards. And these days I'm mostly reading his essays on Pluralistic and feeling pretty left-wing as a result. But I'm a bit behind on the novels. The last one I read was Pirate Cinema, which was decent, and I decided to go onto this one next. Now I'm kinda interested in his Martin Hench novels, so clearly I gotta read this one to get it out of the way. (Like my motivation for reading the Scalzi one a few weeks earlier.)

I initially thought that, as less than 400 pages, I might read it in four days. Instead I ended up taking six…partly because it was Christmas season and we were busy, but also because it was just a dense book, possibly small font size and more words per page, I didn't actually check. But also I didn't find it a particularly compelling read.

It's probably unsurprising to find it similar to a number of earlier Doctorow books, like Makers, Little Brother, and Pirate Cinema. I was a little surprised to find myself reminded of Octavia Butler's Parable of The Sower at times. It's done with multiple third-person POV, which I found kind of distancing, unlike the immediacy of some of Doctorow's other books.

It's set about fifty years in the future, where "zottas", the ultra-rich, are dominating "default" society, so your only options are to be a wage slave forever, or to walk away. The technology, replete with "printers" that can produce such things as entire buildings and complicated pharmaceuticals, makes it fairly easy to survive and thrive outside of "default". So at first it seems like it's mostly going to be comparing strategies for walkaway survival. But the zottas and their mercenaries aren't particularly happy with the success of walkaways, particularly when Walkaway U. develops some groundbreaking technology in brain-scanning-and-uploading.

In the end I was kind of meh on the whole thing, which, perhaps inevitably, ended up revolving around the one walkaway who was a zotta's daughter, and quite frankly that plotline was the most interesting. I didn't really care about the handwavy technology which made it all possible.

Also is the second book in a row with a trans, or possibly intersex, character, who seemed to me to be handled well.

From here I guess I have to decide whether I want to try Martin Hench books like Red Team Blues, or The Lost Cause; I'm leaning more towards the latter, now that I've finished the "Science In The Capital" trilogy, but I guess we'll see.

Jack L. Chalker: Horrors of The Dancing Gods, completed December 29

Bringing the reread of the Dancing Gods series to an end, and at this point I'm wishing I could send a message to my past self and say, "Don't bother, toss them out with the Changewinds books." This one came out in 1995 and as far as I can tell did not need to be. According to the author notes it was inspired by a "horror boom" the happened around that time, which I am not familiar with, but then I was never into horror all that much. I have come to like Stephen King, who is a genre unto himself, and I rarely bother to look past that.

It seems like this time he is leaning harder into actual parody, though I'm only guessing because I keep seeing things that look like references that I don't get, though I was mildly amused by their voyage on the H.P. Hovecraft (to the continent of Yuggoth). We've disposed of the "were" curse, which was the most interesting thing about the earlier books, and Joe only gets POV near the beginning of the book, and then we're with Marge and Joe's son Irving.

There's a lot of talking about good vs. evil whose main conclusion seems to be "they're not all that different", and it's possible that once I used to think that way, but now it doesn't have a lot of appeal for me. Far too much dialogue consist of one character saying something provocative, another one saying "Huh?", and the the first character explaining their profound insights. It gets kind of wearing.

This book also had a trans/intersex character, but given that this is Jack Chalker, they were handled with as much shock and drama as possible. ("Oh no, I've fallen in love with this girl, but she's got male genitalia! This may be an insuperable obstacle to our relationship!") Weird to have a three-book streak, though.

It'll probably be a while before I read any more Chalker. I remember last time I reread the Well World books that I noticed a definite decline in quality, so I'm almost afraid to revisit them again; probably the Flux & Anchor books won't hold up either. Four Lords of the Diamond might, or maybe The Wonderland Gambit. But not for a while.

As for nonfiction, I made a little more progress in Sugar, but not much. We've moved from talking about African slaves to South Asian indentured servants, which is actually not much of an improvement. Those plantation folk certainly did suck, though not enough for MAGA Republicans to throw them out or anything. Mostly I'm trying to work through another month of comics on Marvel Unlimited.

And that's it for December, and for 2024! Because I'm not finishing another book in the year, despite getting a good head start in the doctor's waiting room. I will also be doing a separate year-end post, so stay tuned for that.

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Love

One-Shot

Description: Asexual!Bucky thinks he is broken beyond repair, until you show him that he has been complete all this while.

Warnings: Angst, bad language, mention of sex toys, romance and fluff

@jtargaryen18 organised a writing challenge for reaching 4k followers and of course I have to participate multiple times! 😍 I am sorry this entry is a little late 🙈

My Main Masterlist

A/N: This is the first time I am writing an asexual character. Whatever I have written is based upon my knowledge that I have gathered by reading various articles and posts on asexuality. The reason I am writing this is because I want to have an equal amount of straight and LGBTQ+ stories in my masterlist, so that there's something for everyone to enjoy. Hence, if you are an asexual person or know someone who is, and you realise that anything in my story is incorrectly represented, then please let me know. I will immediately correct it, issue an apology and accept my mistake publicly. 

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

"I cannot fucking believe this!" Karen shouted, "What are you like gay or something?"

Bucky winced at her venomous words. "You need to leave," he said in a quiet, respectful tone.

"Like hell I am going to leave. I want answers!" she placed her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. "What is it? Am I not sexy enough for you? Are you not attracted by this?!" she gestured towards the skimpy lingerie currently hugging her body.

Bucky met her eyes as he responded, "I do not want to have sex with you." 

She huffed, clearly not convinced, "Why not? We have been going out for what, 3 months now? And you still don't want to have sex with me? What is the issue here? Is it-" she paused suddenly, her eyes traveling down his torso to his crotch, "You can't get it up can you?" she sneered.

Bucky shook his head, too exhausted to deal with her, "Karen, it's nothing like that. I just do not want to get physical with you. That's all."

"Oh! Ooooohh!" she bent backwards a bit, "So it was fine to hug me, cuddle with me and hold my hands. But when it comes to sex, you suddenly become a pious celibate saint! What the fuck Bucky?"

Bucky sighed, and handed Karen back her coat, "We are done. Please leave."

She laughed dryly, "Oh abso-fucking-lutely we are done. You know what I think?" she asked while wearing the coat, "I think that you are too old grandpa and that your tiny ass tortured gay dick cannot salute on its own. Because no man in his right mind would deny this," she again pointed to herself. "Super-soldier my ass," she muttered as she left.

The door to his apartment closed with a loud bang, leaving an echo in its wake. Bucky stood still, rooted to his spot. If it were not for the silent tears rolling down his cheeks, anybody could have mistaken him for a statue. 

Slowly, he sat on the floor, his gentle sobs rocking his body as he hugged his knees. 

Decades of torture by the hands of Hydra had left him crippled, physically, mentally and emotionally. When he had been saved by Steve, he had started to piece his life back together, bit by bit. Things such as books, movies, music became tiny jigsaw pieces that slowly filled the void in his life. 

After the final galactic battle with Thanos, Bucky had been officially initiated to the Avengers team, or rather what was left of it. The team soon became an extended family, a family that Bucky was still getting used to. It was especially irksome when Sam and Scott decided to set him up on a date with Karen from Research & Development (R&D), despite his protests.

It wasn't that Bucky didn't desire a relationship. He wanted to be close to someone, experience romance, feel their heartbeat in a close embrace and place light kisses on their forehead. 

But he didn't want to have sex.

At first, he thought he might not have met the right woman. So he searched for porn online, which did little to sway his feelings. He put the issue on a backburner, the safety of the people and the urgency of his missions steering the wheel of his life for a while. 

But when Sam and Scott proudly announced their grand plans for Bucky's date, he remembered his "issue" again. He looked at Karen closely whenever they went on dates together. She looked perfect. Beautiful hair, soft glowing skin, curves in all the right places, all packed in a graceful, slender body.

Bucky liked being close to her, but he was still not getting aroused. Hence, he stopped her advancements everytime she tried to get physical. Karen tolerated it for a while, before her patience wore out tonight.

As the sun rose in the sky, Bucky was still seated on the floor, his cheeks now stained with tears that had stopped sometime in the night, though a sniff escaped from him every few minutes. He looked at the sunlight pouring in from the window, broken by the window-panes, landing at his feet in two rays with a comforting warmth. It was in that moment that Bucky realised, Hydra had truly broken him.

🏳️‍🌈

"We have various types of dildos available. There's The Classic, Textured, Long and Thin, Short and Thick, Vibrators, Transparent Plexiglass Dildos, Strap-Ons, G-Spot Dildos, Double-Ended, Squirting Dildos and ones that also come with a suction grip. Are you looking for yourself or are you looking for something to enjoy with your partner?" the helpful saleswoman asked you.

You stroked your chin in thought, "It's only for me. I already have a vibrator that I bought about a year back. The G-Spot ones have never really worked for me. I am looking to try something new. What is the suction grip one?" 

The attendant handed you the dildo and showed you the suction grip at the end of it, "You can use this to place and stick it on any flat surface you want, whether it's the floor or the wall or the side of your desk. It guarantees a completely hands-free pleasurable experience."

You stuck it on the wall besides the showcase to test the theory. It worked. "Neat! I will take this one," you smiled as the attendant went to fetch a fresh piece.

You paid for your new sex toy and walked back to the Avengers compound with your small white shopping bag in tow.

When you reached your desk, you heard Karen bitching as usual about something to Jessica. At first, you blocked them out like you did almost everyday, but then a name in their conversation caught your attention.

"He's the Winter Soldier alright. He's completely frozen down there," Karen whispered loudly with disgust. 

"Even that red sexy lingerie didn't do anything for him?" Jessica gasped dramatically.

"No!"

"That's crazy! That hot-red piece will convert even the most gayest of the guys! And it didn't do anything for him? Wow," Jessica responded.

Karen added, "You know something? I have always thought he was extremely weird. Like, dude, I know you were tortured by Hydra or whatever, but get over it man! It's been years since he was free. He should enjoy life and stop being such a wimp. I am 100% sure he is impotent."

"You know I was digging into him the other night," Jessica said in a hushed whisper, "and I saw a message board online which suggested that his penis has been completely cut by Hydra. This person knows all such secrets about these alleged superheros. You should follow him."

"What is his username?"

"Proud-Flat-Earther-MotherFuckers. Wait, I will send you the link," Jessica offered. 

Having heard enough of their nonsense, you made your way towards the HR department. Maybe both Karen and Jessica had forgotten, but talking about the personal lives of Avengers was strictly against the rules and was considered as reason enough to fire employees. 

You filed a complaint with the HR and within a few hours, both the women were fired on the spot. You savored the moment with relish, as their faces turned aghast at the realisation that their actions had consequences. You went up to them, watching the pair clean their desks, with unabashed glee. 

"You know something Karen?" you asked her, "Just because a man refuses to have sex, it didn't mean that he's a wimp, or gay or an impotent. But if you do choose to think of him that way, then it surely makes you a sexiest and a homophobic person."

Karen looked at you furiously, "You bitch! I lost my job because you went and blabbed in front of the HR!"

You chuckled at her outburst, "Oh my dearest Karen. Yes I did go and rat you out to the HR. But that's not what got the two of you fired."

"Then what did?" Jessica asked as she joined the conversation. 

You folded your hands for effect, "Your hateful comments and toxic views cost you your jobs. People like you think that just by using the latest iPhone or following the latest trends, you are a modern, 21st century person. But in reality, it is your open mindset which makes you a member of the modern society. If you would open your mind just as much as you open your legs, trust me, the two of you will be much better off."

You turned to leave, but stopped yourself, "Just a suggestion. Stop using words like gay and impotent as insults. It will help you retain your next job for a longer time." You winked at their speechless faces, and happily returned to your desk. 

Your job in R&D was taxing and so, you always found yourself working late. Today was no exception either. As you left your office at around 8pm, you saw Bucky heading towards the elevator which led to his apartment. You always had a soft spot for the brunette super-soldier. For starters, you couldn't even begin to comprehend the tortures he must have endured in his past. And the fact that he was trying to piece his life back together again? It was truly commendable.

He always kept to himself, his eyes downcast and his body language unsure. And after what you had heard today, you felt even more sorry for the guy. Turning towards the cafeteria, you picked up a box of vanilla-strawberry French macarons for him, thanking the heavens above for the free food available at the Avengers compound. You held the white bag with macarons in your left hand, being mindful of not confusing it with the similar white bag in your right which contained your new sex toy. 

A few moments later, you found yourself in front of his apartment. You had visited him twice before to adjust his vibranium arm or to sort out a few tweaks, but never before had you visited him so late in the evening. 

You knocked, feeling a little hesitant as you did so. He was surprised to find you standing on the opposite of the door, however, he still greeted you courteously nonetheless. 

Before you could state your reason for the visit, he said sincerely, "I heard what you did today. Thank you. I really appreciated it."

Now it was your turn to be surprised, "Oh. Ummm. It's okay really Mr Barnes. It was nothing. You don't need to-"

"No. It wasn't just nothing. You could have turned a deaf ear and ignored them. Yet you chose to stand-up for me. Thank you," a small smile laced his face and you melted on the spot.

You had a crush on Bucky. A BIG one. Could anyone blame you? This guy was a hot, sexy mess of an ice-cream sundae that left you hungry for more even on the coldest nights of the year. 

You realised you were staring into his steel-blue eyes like a creep, and immediately cleared your throat. "What-what they did was wrong. Karen had no right to demean you for your desires or lack of them. I-," you sighed, "I am sorry for what she said. It was disrespectful and hurtful. So I brought you something that I hope will cheer you up."

You awkwardly raised your right hand, "I got you some vanilla-strawberry macarons from the cafeteria."

Bucky did cheer up a bit at the mention of his favourite food. He eagerly took the bag with a huge smile, "Thank you," he said once again as you shook your head. "Thank you for everything you do to keep us safe Mr Barnes. I must be on my way now. Goodnight," and with that you left, grinning like an idiot.

🏳️‍🌈

You took a bath, ate your dinner and slipped into comfortable pyjamas. Excited to try your new sex toy tonight, you unpacked the bag expecting to see the nondescript box of the dildo. Instead, 5 delicious macarons stared back at you with innocence. 

You stumbled backwards in shock, the impact of your action settling like a dull, heavy weight in your stomach. "Oh no no no no," you whispered, horrified.

You immediately rushed to your window and pulled aside the curtain to look at Bucky's building, as if expecting to see him staring daggers at you. One of the privileges of working with the Avengers? You got to stay in a nice apartment within the compound itself. Your residential complex was a little further away from the main building, covered easily by 15 minutes of walking. 

Feeling hyper, you frantically searched for a coat and almost ran out of your house. You rushed back in to keep the box in the bag and again, dashed towards the elevator. 

Hoping that Bucky would have yet to open the box, you sent a silent prayer to all the gods and goddesses in the skies above, even Thor. Meh, you never know when an ex-Avenger could be of help.

You sprinted towards the other building, a multitude of thoughts clouding your mind- What if he was offended by it? Would he file a complaint against me? It would be sorta ironic if I was fired for this! Shit he would think my apology was false and I am probably mocking him.

You reached his apartment, a panting, huffing mess of a person. You knocked frantically, his door shaking with force at your desperation. However, you jumped as Bucky whispered your name from behind you, "Are you okay? What's going on?" he asked with concern as you turned around to face him.

"Did-did you op-open the bo-ox?" you questioned him while panting like a dog. 

He furrowed his brows in response, "No I was planning to open it in a few minutes. Please tell me what's going on. Why do you look so scared?"

You bent over double, your stomach cramping thanks to your impromptu running, "Thi-this is your bag," you held up the package, "That ba-bag is mine."

"Okay," Bucky said slowly, still unsure of your behaviour, "Should I open the door to retrieve your bag?"

You nodded as he stepped aside, "Why are you not wearing any shoes?"

You looked down at your feet at his query, small blades of grass had stuck to your naked feet along with dirt. "I was in a hur-hurry to get to you," you managed to say between your breaths.

Bucky just nodded in response. It was then that you noticed the pack of paper tissues in his hand. He opened the door and stepped inside, beckoning you to follow him. He pointed to the white bag kept on the table while he looked at it with worry. "Will it explode?" he solicited.

"Uhh no," you replied awkwardly.

"Is it dangerous?" curiosity etched on Bucky's face as you swapped the bags.

"No, it's nothing like that," you looked down at your feet, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks with embarrassment.

He narrowed his eyes, "Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you," you quietly admitted, "but here are your macarons. I am really sorry for this. Didn't mean to disturb you from whatever you had planned," you pointed to the box of tissues still in his hand. 

Bucky noticed the underlying question in your statement, "I was about to watch a movie. So needed these to clear the mess."

Your eyes went wide at his sincerity. While you had a crush on him, you definitely did not want to know about Bucky's late night masturbation adventures. Shaking your head, you raised your hands and started walking backwards, "I am sorry I disturbed your nightly… activities. I get out of your hair."

"Actually, would you like to join me for the movie?" Bucky asked hopefully, "We have the macarons and you seem like you need to calm your nerves."

You were surprised for the third time that day. Did Bucky just ask you to masturbate with him? Or have sex while eating the macarons? Or did he want to eat them after you guys have had sex? A flurry of questions swirled in your mind as you stared at him with a slightly open mouth. 

Bucky interpreted your gaze and stumbled to clarify himself, "As friends! Would you like to watch a movie with me as a friend?"

You slowly nodded your affirmation, "Yeah okay. Which movie are we watching?" 

"The Notebook," he revealed with a smile, "It's an extremely emotional movie. Ummm what's the term? Tear-jerker? Uhh yeah, it's a real tear-jerker of a movie."

"Oh so that's why…" you pointed at the tissues. "Yeah," he confirmed, "I tend to cry a lot while watching that movie. And… ummm… I am the kind of person who cries ugly. You know, all tears and snot. So yeah… I need the whole box."

"That's… that's actually sweet," you smiled, "Trust me you are not alone. I start crying as soon as the titles appear on the screen."

He got excited at your confession, "Yes! Exactly! It's because you know what's going to come and you are just mentally preparing yourself."

You chuckled with him in affirmation as he led you further into his apartment.

You freshened up a bit in his washroom, making sure to clean your feet and the residue on your face from the sweat.

Bucky was standing besides your bag when you entered the living room, "Now that we are friends," he intoned, "will you please tell me what's inside of this?"

You sighed, "Mr Barnes-." 

"Bucky," he corrected you and you smiled. 

"Will you promise me you will not take any offense or be insulted by it? I really did not mean to swap the bags."

"I trust you," Bucky said with assurance.

"It's…it is a sex toy," you mumbled quietly. Any normal human wouldn't have heard you, but Bucky's enhanced hearing caught your words flawlessly. 

He took a moment to process your words, and finally, to your amazement, burst out laughing. 

You sheepishly smiled at his reaction as your heart felt a little lighter. "That is embarrassing," he agreed with a wide grin. 

The two of you settled on the couch as Bucky's chuckles lessened. He kept the box of macarons between you two, but hesitated to begin the movie.

You sensed his curiosity, and clarified, "I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. It's been… 2 years I guess… since my last breakup." You took a deep breath, "And my job doesn't exactly leave a lot of time on my hands for dating or one-night-stands."

Bucky seemed to consider your words for what felt like a long time. Finally, he asked quietly, "What does it feel like? To… to want another person… sexually?"

You blinked your eyes, thinking you must have misheard him. But then, his gaze met yours, and you knew his question was sincere.

"It feels like…," you raked your mind in search for the appropriate words, "...like your entire body is on fire, and you need the touch of the other person to quench your thirst. Like, just for a few moments, you want to shut your mind, and let your body think for you."

Bucky nodded slowly as you finished, "But what if you feel that in your heart? And not for your body?"

You squint your eyes at his question, "What do you mean Bucky?"

He placed his head in his hands, "I just… I don't feel like that with anyone. I mean, I don't want to have sex. Trust me I have tried everything. Literally everything. Still I don't feel aroused… I am broken, aren't I? Because this is abnormal, right? No matter how hard I try I will never be normal."

Your heart shattered at his words. You had heard about his horrid nightmares, but to think that he was struggling to accept himself, thinking that he was broken, even when he had so much love to give, was depressing. You could not just stand by and watch.

Gently, you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Bucky, look at me." When he didn't comply, you urged him, "Bucky, you are not broken. It is completely normal to not have any sexual desires."

"No it's not," he scoffed.

"Yes it is," you coerced him, "Do you know what is asexuality? It is the complete absence of sexual desires. Many people-"

He interrupted you, "There is no such thing. You are making this up."

"I am not," you replied indignantly, "Research indicates that more than 1% of the American population is asexual. Also, experts believe that more people might be asexuals because they think that they "haven't found the right person yet"," you ended with air quotes.

With no reaction from him, you sighed and got up, "Do yourself a favour. Use the internet and learn about asexuality. It will help put your mind at ease." You left after giving that piece of advice.

Bucky stayed in the same position for a few moments after your departure. He nibbled on a macaron as he considered the movie playing in front of him. Unable to focus, he promptly shut it all and carried the box to his bed. The macarons disappeared into his mouth as he tossed and turned, feeling restless. 

There was no way asexuality was a thing. If it was, then how come there were no movies, tv shows or even advertisements on asexuality? That's because it wasn't normal, right? Maybe you had just lied to him to make him feel better? Maybe you took pity on him?

He looked at his phone on the table near the tv set, your final words repeating in his head in a loop. The combination of tiredness and laziness encouraged him to take your advice in the morning.

🏳️‍🌈

You didn't see Bucky for 3 days after your fateful encounter with him. The fact that you still had your job at the Avengers Tower meant that he hadn't filed a complaint yet with the HR. And for that you were grateful. Friday came and you found yourself working late, again. It was around 10pm and you were still in your lab, almost done with the work. That's when you heard the small swoosh of the lab doors opening and closing.

You looked up from your table, and found Bucky staring intently at you with his blue eyes. He cleared his throat and tentatively took a step towards you. "You were right," he said slowly, "I researched online, read a few articles and spoke with the in-house therapist. I am an," he took a deep breath, "an asexual."

You closed your laptop and smiled at his confession, "How are you feeling now?"

"Honestly? A little bit better. I feel somewhat free," he admitted while gripping the white bag in his hand a little bit tighter.

"That's great! I am so proud of the progress you have made," you beamed at him, but sensed his hesitance as you neared him.

"What's wrong?" you gently inquired.

"You are… not… I mean… by any chance… asexual?" he winced at his own question.

You chuckled lightly, "No I am not."

"Ahh, then it's okay," he murmured and turned as if to leave.

You stopped him by placing a hand on his firm bicep, "What's going on?"

He shifted on his feet, visibly uncomfortable and anxious, "I was just… no nevermind it's stupid."

"Bucky," you said his name in a stern voice.

He sighed again, "I thought… I mean I owe you a movie because… of that night… and so… you know… would you like to watch it? The movie? But why would you? You deserve better… you are not an asexual. You are normal. Why would you want to go on a date with me?" he finally ended his mumbling.

You looked at him with squinted eyes, trying to decipher what he had muttered. "Did you just say you would like to go on a date with me? But it was stupid because you are an asexual and I am normal?" you blinked as he nodded.

"Who told you that you are not normal?" you asked him, a little irritated, "Bucky look at me." This time he complied, "You. Are. Normal. As normal as me, as the other Avengers or as anybody else in the world. Do not, for even one goddamn second, think that there's something wrong with you because there isn't. Are you listening to me? Am I clear?" you wagged your forefinger at him.

Amused at your outburst, he nodded with a sheepish grin. Clearing his throat, he asked you again, "Would you like to watch a movie with me tomorrow? As a date?"

You placed your hands on your waist, "Yes."

His grin widened as he asked you the next question, "Still mad at me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe these cupcakes will help," he shyly held up the white bag in front of you, "I made sure they were cupcakes," he added with a smirk.

You graciously accepted the bag, "Cupcakes will always help."

"Great! It's a date then. Tomorrow… at 4pm? My apartment?" Bucky suggested.

You agreed, and he left with a goodbye. As soon as he was out of sight, you opened the box, expecting to see the usual cupcakes inside. Instead, you found that the sweet treats were decorated with cute messages such as "U R Cute" , "Be Mine?" , "So Sweet" and so on. Feeling mushy at his adorable gesture, you bit into the sweet treat as you headed back to your apartment.

The next day, you made sure to wear a purple dress, complete with black, grey and white accessories - the colours of the asexual flag. Bucky beamed at you as he welcomed you into his apartment. He had made a snack mix from popcorn, crispy pretzels, chips and nachos, the perfect accompaniment to any movie according to him, and you couldn't agree more.

The pair of you watched The Notebook in silence, except for a few sobs and sniffs here and there and the straight up bawling during the emotional parts of the movie.

After a while, the film ended but your date continued. The two of you talked about everything, right from the meaningful discussions about the government policies to random questions like "which mythical creature would you be and why?"

Soon, it was time for you to head back to your apartment. Bucky offered to walk you and you happily agreed. But before you left, he asked you nervously, "Would you like to have a second date?"

"I would love to," you beamed, "Which movie should we watch the next time?"

He ran his hand in his somewhat disheveled hair, "Uhh… I actually made a date jar. Wait, I will get it."

He brought over a glass jar, filled with tiny bits of folded paper, "I thought we could have dates that start from each English alphabet. We can pick and choose at random from the jar."

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes again at his thoughtful and romantic gesture. You gingerly picked one note from the jar, excited for the adventure that awaited the two of you.

🏳️‍🌈

It took more than 2 years for the pair of you to finish every date in the date jar, except for one. Whether it was jet-skiing in the ocean, taking classes for flamenco dance, him teaching you self-defense or going on a wildlife safari together, you and Bucky finally got through it all. Only the letter "P" was now left.

In these 2 years, any distance between the two of you had practically vanished. Bucky was comfortable in removing his bionic arm in front of you. Moreover, he had started sharing everything with you. Right from his darkest and disturbing nightmares to a pretty butterfly that he may have seen during his missions, Bucky made it a point to ensure that you were a part of his life, and you had absolutely no complaints.

The two of you had also discussed about your sexual desires, and Bucky had been comfortable with you using your sex toys as and when you wished.

Bucky was the perfect boyfriend anybody could ask for. He was considerate, thoughtful, a hardcore feminist and gave the best foot-rubs in the world. And so you were nervous. Nervous because the two of you had never actually sat down to talk about the nature of your relationship. And as the day of the last date loomed nearer, your anxiety increased. At first, you thought of making a second date jar, but he had quickly dismissed the idea, stating that he would be caught up with multiple things after the last date ended.

As you sat in the car that Bucky had sent for you, your apprehension grew. Bucky always picked you up, however this time, he had asked you to come alone in the car. Maybe he wanted to break up with you?

By the time you reached the park it was pitch black. You were sure Bucky had paid the guards to keep the gates of the park open just for you.

As soon as you entered, you saw the pathway lined with 25 lamp posts, leading you towards a breathtaking archway decorated with fairy lights and your favourite flowers.

On every lamp post, a photograph of the two of you - which were taken on your dates - was stuck along with a note. The notes described how he fell in love with you over and over again on every single date. Your progress was slow, as read each of his meticulously written words with tears in your eyes. You collected all of his notes and the photographs, and finally headed towards the lit archway.

When you entered it, the instrumental notes of the song "All of Me" by John Legend reached your ears.

You walked ahead and reached a bend. Upon crossing it, you were showered with rose petals as the live music grew louder. And at the end of the archway, your boyfriend, James Buchanan Barnes, was standing in a tuxedo, looking as sinfully good as the forbidden fruit. The entire area around him was lit with soft fairy lights that cascaded gracefully between tall lamp posts. Even on the ground, small wooden lamps illuminated the grass across the area. A live band was playing the music and your Bucky was standing with the most gorgeous bouquet of red roses that you had ever seen.

Your vision turned blurry as you started crying, and looking at your tears, he started sobbing as well. "No no no I can't cry now," he managed to say between his sobs while giving you his handkerchief, "I have to do this."

He got down on one knee and took your hand in his. You both laughed as you started crying harder. He took a deep breath and said your name, "These 2 years have been the most magical years of my life. You have accepted me as who I am, what I am, and never once tried to change me or make fun of me for it. I never thought I would be treated with the amount of respect that-" he started crying, unable to finish his sentence.

You sat beside him and handed him your kerchief. "Yes," you said with a tear-stained smile.

"Let me ask you first!" he exclaimed between his sobs.

You laughed and wiped your snot as he cleared his throat, "I love you so much. You are the only one I want to-" he started crying again.

"Yes!" you answered his unsaid question.

"I haven't asked you yet!" he exclaimed again as the two of you giggled between your sobs.

"Okay c'mon Bucky you can do this," he muttered to himself as you beamed at him. "Okay," he looked into your eyes and whispered your name, "Will you do me the honour of marrying me and becoming my wife?"

You choked up at finally hearing the words. Rendered speechless, you could only nod as fresh tears escaped your eyes.

"You have to say yes!" he almost shouted with excitement.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!!" you matched his enthusiasm as he slipped a ring onto your finger. His large arms then engulfed you in a bear hug, wrapping you in a safe and secure space for eternity to come.

Permanent tag: @donutloverxo @notyourtypicalrose @just-one-ordinary-fangirl

Bucky taglist: @loustan90

Taglist open! Just comment, send an ask or message!

[rpbetter]

hello! this might be a very simple question, but how do you deal with mutuals ( and non-mutuals too ) who very clearly have not read your rules? asking because I’ve had this happen to me multiple times and I frequently get newcomers who comment on my posts and send in ic starters without giving me a chance to actually check their blog and see if I want to write with them. that and my rules state very clearly that I am mutuals only and for followers to not interact with my posts if we are not mutuals.

It isn't a very simple question! It's just an unfortunately common one that isn't simple (or fully possible) to fix. How do you fix something when you're the only one playing by the, very literally meant and otherwise, rules while everyone else is determined to flout them?

What I do probably isn't especially nice, I'll be honest, but can be effective. So long as you're aware that this is almost certainly not going to result in them turning around and reading the rules, apologizing for the mistake, and becoming awesome mutuals with you. Which, you probably are aware. If this is an ongoing issue, I'm sure you have, at some point, had to bring it up to one of them. Thus, you know that very few people react well to being told, no matter how politely, that they've got to follow your rules.

I message them via tumblr's IM and say something as to the effect of, "Hey, I see you commented/tagged me in a starter/sent a starter to my inbox. Have you read my rules?"

The answer is usually an astonishing "yes."

Which...could not be more glaringly false. I'm also mutuals only and both specify and remind in my rules that I require plotting first, so, I don't accept random starters of any variety.

Though, there are occasionally some people bold enough to not lie. Instead, they outright tell me that no, they didn't read "all of them" because "they're too long." On the one hand? Yeah, I do appreciate honesty. On the other hand? Are you kidding me? Exactly no one in the RPC ever has said it's fine to treat their rules like it is a toppings bar at a frozen yogurt shop, and even if they did, it definitely doesn't say that anywhere in mine. It would still behoove someone to read something as critical as how another RPer accepts mutuals and begins writing with them. The added attitude problem as though one should be incredibly thankful for the attention despite the great inconvenience of having rules, that's just a bonus.

Most of them, however, will claim to have read your rules. That gives you the right to say something like, "You say that, but you're already breaking them. I am mutuals only, we are not mutuals, but you are trying to interact with my posts and send me starters. Sorry, but I don't want to write with someone who not only refused to read my rules first but also lied about it."

You can either block them at that point or stick around for them to go absolutely, holiday style, cooked ham on the egregious wrong you've done them. Just blocking is definitely better, you don't want to convince them to read the rules, do you? You don't. And that is why I am fine with approaching it in this way - I don't want this person as my writing partner, this is the worst foot possible to start on, it isn't going to get better from here on out if they're already disrespectful and lying to me about it.

For the record, there was exactly one instance in which I tried to give someone a chance when they claimed that they just "followed so many blogs" that they thought they'd read my rules but were mistaken and now would, immediately. Even while doing it, I was regretting the decision, wondering if I would ever be able to feel like this person wasn't being deceptive, if they'd only proceed to do more things like this, and if I really wanted to write with someone prone to following so many blogs at once they couldn't remember whether they read some of the rules. No spoiler alert necessary, I think you know how this ended. The behavior was consistent, yes. I'd have to remind them that I do not write x or that doing y OOC wasn't alright with a near daily regularity.

If another mun does not feel like your rules are of value enough for their time at any point in your involvement, it doesn't really matter why or how it happened. Ultimately, it says something about how they view you. You exist as a piece of their outlet-hobby-entertainment, not as another person who has boundaries and needs. It doesn't matter if it is a hobby, any time you make a choice to interact with other people, trying your best to be aware of their boundaries and needs is necessary, period.

So, again, you don't actually want these people around. You're trying to have a good time here, too, and have requirements that allow you to do so just like everyone else does (even if those requirements appear to be...no requirements). You certainly don't have to try to talk to them, it's not going to benefit you anyway. I do it because, quite irrationally probably, I feel like it might benefit either them or someone else they try to interact with down the line. They'll be pissed off at me, they'll very likely call everyone with legitimate rules or the requirement of being mutuals only "elitists" for a while, but maybe they will mature a bit in the future to understand. Hell, maybe they'll just have an easier time of knowing at-a-glance-style what blogs they're not really going to mesh with, and as such, will avoid them for a better time for all involved.

Breaking rules immediately like this is one of the times I'm totally fine with advising that someone just block, though. This isn't a situation where you've established communication with them, agreed to writing with them, or any such thing. Your sole basis of interaction is them not reading your rules and doing whatever they want at cost to your comfort. So, if you want to handle it by blocking? Block away.

The only thing you can truly control here is what you do, try to look at what could be causing this to be an easily repeating situation and work on that. You are never going to stop everyone from doing this sort of thing, but you might be able to trim it down to one a year or so, and that's a win!

So, what can you do?

Take a look at your blog and rules. I'm sure you already have "mutuals only" in your blog description, but just in case you don't, make sure it is there. Additionally, make sure it is visibly there. Don't bury that kind of thing under a lengthy character quote or other information, that gives people an excuse not to see it. Try listing that it is a multi or the muse's name and immediately after that put your blog requirements. Age needed to interact, mutuals only, and then other information like selectivity type, activity level, and one-liner/single-para/multipara/novella. I know that this isn't the height of aesthetic value, but your blog has a lot of great places for those bad ass, evocative quotes, and so long as it isn't going to be inaccessible, you can make this information visually appealing still.

You just really want to be sure it is right there when someone floats over your URL and gets the preview or gets the dash-view on desktop or mobile view of your blog in the app. Consider strongly how it looks on the full view of your blog, as well. While visits to the full blog aren't extremely common anymore, they tend to be more so when someone is first following/thinking of following. You want this information to be clear, not obscured by the blog's theme aesthetics!

Be sure you are providing no excuse for the rules not to be read in other ways as well. Your blog theme really should be one that transfers easily to mobile viewing, in and out of the app, but regardless, even if the theme's mobile version does have a menu for accessing pages, provide a link in an easily accessible and difficult to ignore place. Put it right in your blog description, "*read rules* before interacting" with the words between the * * being linked to your rules page/post. Make a pinned post where (in addition to reiterating that you only accept whatever age and up, are mutuals only, etc.) you have links to your most important pages, the rules page being the first one there. Make that link stupidly big, put some arrows by it, be obnoxious, just make sure it is there.

Even if you are not mobile-friendly from an interaction standpoint, someone is likely to come across your blog, sooner or later, while they're bored on the bus or a lunch break. This gives them no reason to not go ahead and read your rules before they follow you, and additionally, can cut down on potentially missing the people who won't follow without reading, but who forgot your URL by the time they got to desktop again.

It isn't necessary to do anything more elaborate, either. If you want to do a Google Doc or Carrd, go right ahead, but that is literally not necessary and shouldn't be a thing that holds you up with being yet another demand to make something Really Pretty But Accessible. Linking to a damn rules page or post works just fine on mobile, especially in the case of a post, like...if your mutuals cannot view a post from you, I don't know you're writing with them outside of doing so in real-time. So, again, if that's a creative endeavor that appeals to you, make yourself happy with it! If it's stressful or seems redundant to you, make yourself happy by not doing it.

In your rules, be mindful of how you are organizing information. The problem is that people are not reading the rules, so, they're probably not even getting to this point, but for the portion of muns who get to the rules only to skim them, this is a good thing to consider. Like the blog description, make sure you are not unintentionally burying the most important information to have at a glance. Yes, you do want people to read all of it, but you cannot assume they're actually going to. When that is the case, the best preventative measure you can hope for is putting the information that might tell them your way of interacting isn't for them upfront.

These things are all those already touched on in your blog description and pinned post, but with things like "mutuals only," you can expand a little in your rules as to what that means for you. It seems like a very clear thing to me, but I know that I've seen confusion about this and other common terminology like "selective." The whole point is to make this as unquestionable as possible, no guessing for anyone if they've made it to your rules.

Something like, "Mutuals only. I only write with mutuals, don't send or tag me in starters or start up interaction of any sort on a post until we are both following each other, please."

You can even explain that you need to look at their rules as well, that you can't be sure you will work out together otherwise and do not want to get anything started until then. The important thing is to reiterate that you're mutuals only and what they should not do until you've followed back. If you're not comfortable interacting OOC until that happens, be sure you state that as well, this is something that leaves some people feeling anxious about what they should do. Some muns are alright with non-mutuals messaging them or even sending in memes meant to be answered OOC, while other muns are not.

If people are determined to forgo your rules to this extent, nothing you can do is going to stop that, but you might catch a few by being certain your requirements cannot be missed.

Other than that, what can you do?

If it's happening a lot, this is a problem with where you are, or in some other way, the sort of people you're attracting to your blog. Somehow, you're getting muns who are viewing RP differently than you are. If you can figure out how this is happening, you can cut down on the number of incidents by changing this aspect.

You might want to consider how you're advertising your blog, if you are at all, and the mutuals you have in common with the new followers. They're coming from somewhere, and it might be a significant part of the problem.

Gaining new mutuals through existent mutuals is great when it works out. I think that's one of the best ways to find new people you might work out with, but unfortunately, not everyone involved is looking at it that way. Some people are always going to look at the people their mutuals are writing with and disregard any reasons why they shouldn't write with them as well, just seeing that if my friend writes with this mun, I can and should. This is especially true if you are either a more popular blog or have a more in-demand canon character. You sort of become a commodity, other muns act like it is criminally unfair that you have requirements that might prevent interaction, if they bother to look at all.

If you have a handful of mutuals who have no similar requirements to yours, are non-selective/non-private/will accept and immediately begin RP with anyone who approaches, they could be the problem. This is unfortunate and a bit uncomfortable, they're not problems in and of themselves, but their approach is attracting people less respectful than they are. It is giving other people, especially those newer to RP, the wrong idea about everyone else they interact with visibly.

This can be true when we've branched too far apart in how we RP as well. There might be mutuals from when you first started years ago who are still happy with that approach, while you no longer are. Most people, when they first begin RPing, do simply want to maximize the fun and interactions. The cultivation of space begins to be necessary after they're around long enough to experience some problems and to want more lasting interactions, begin to feel comfortable with writing a particular way, and generally, get a feel for what they do and do not want and enjoy. For a few people, though, that never changes. (And that's fine if everyone is being respectful.) They tend to be excellent places to start for newer RPers, they've got experience but are still incredibly accessible to newcomers. Unfortunately, that means that their mutuals are likely to end up being a sort of testing ground as well when they didn't sign up for it.

It isn't these mutuals' are doing anything wrong, it isn't their fault, we cannot (nor should we seek to) control the actions of everyone on dashes, but as you are the only person you can control, you may need to assess what is best for you if this is what might be happening. You might need to consider who you should kindly part ways with while you continue to cultivate more mutuals who have the same basic requirements you do. Kindly. You certainly don't need to tell them that the muns coming through them to your blog are causing you issues, just that your styles have changed a lot and you don't think it is working out any longer. Unless, whoever it is happens to be a good friend who is capable of not taking that personally and hatefully, then, yes, by all means, tell them. They definitely deserve the right to make changes if they wish to do so! But, if it is someone who this information is only going to bring to anger or self-chastisement, that isn't a very nice thing to do when the issue can be resolved otherwise.

You can even make a polite announcement on the dash about needing to change a few things in order to cultivate your space better. You very much appreciate all of your mutuals, but there are some things that, the longer you've been established, are beginning to take a toll. In order to continue enjoying RP and feel less stressed, you're going to have to be making some changes, you want everyone to know none of this is personal, but you're forced to part ways with some threads and mutuals.

And then, please, for the sake of the good people you are interacting with, don't just unfollow and/or block without saying a word to them. That can be incredibly upsetting to folks to suddenly have happen when they thought everything was fine, and it should be considered that nearly everyone here has some manner of mental health situation they're working with. People can feel like it is ridiculous all they want to, the reality is that doing such a thing to people who suffer from RSD, for instance, is really, honestly, kind of mean as hell.

So, don't be that person! If you are not capable of approaching the mutuals you do write with that you need to let go of to warn them and be clear that it is based on nothing they've done, it is simply that you are going in different directions, don't go this route. If you aren't able to answer any (non-demanding, non-hateful) questions they might have with kindness and patience, don't do it. Because, I promise you, someone will ask. It'll be too nebulous for someone involved, and it's actually a good thing when people want to know if they're doing something wrong so they can fix it in the future, we shouldn't discourage that, right? Right. Unless, again, they're doing it in a demanding, hostile, nasty way themselves, refusing to accept your decision and all that. Then, yeah, no. You just go ahead and stop engaging at that point, you're done.

Additionally, if you feel like you do need to do that, please don't leave a vague-seeming (not vague as in Vague, the normal, non-tumblr usage) post like that up for days without taking any action. Make it as clear as possible what you are intending to do and when, and stick to it. No one deserves the anxiety of wondering if you're going to drop them and why. Make the statement, reblog it in a few hours, and take action that day. Make sure you have the time and mental energy to deal with it first! You know, insofar as possible, we certainly cannot predict when something offline is going to suck our time or energy unexpectedly. Just try to be mindful of others, remember that they're not the actual problem, just the vessel thereof.

Sometimes, this problem can resolve itself less directly, too. Many people who have this sort of approach frequently move blogs or go on long hiatuses...and then move blogs, fandoms, muses, and so on. You're not obligated to follow anyone, let alone repeatedly. If it might help to start phasing out this blog-type and phasing in those more like yourself, it really can be as simple as not following them to their next iteration. Again, if they take the initiative and follow you or send a message prompting you to follow or explain, be nice about it while being firm. Go through your followers for those who have been on long, long hiatuses, their blogs pretty much abandoned at this point, and unfollow them. It can be a bit of a shock anyway when you forgot all about someone from five years ago, but now they're back, have revamped, and want to write with you exactly like they did five years ago! That's fine when you're both still at that same place, but a lot of the time, you're not. It's a great way for prolonging situations in which we no longer mesh and are encouraging cross-over mutuals who mesh no better.

So, while I don't advocate ditching people who keep mutuals up to date on their hiatus status or going through one's followers every month to nix those who haven't replied in two weeks, I do advocate keeping up with your followers list for this reason. If it has been years? It might be years too long depending on how you've changed. And because I am the worst, apparently, none of that means it is wrong because I don't personally advise it. This isn't a case of something as extreme as harassment, it is definitely a difference of how muns want or need to run their blogs. It's too extreme for me, but if that is something made clear in a mun's rules that is necessary for them, it's their prerogative.

Cultivating mutuals more like yourself will, additionally, act as its own counter-signal of sorts. With people who are going to hit follow just because they like your muse and you exist, it isn't going to matter - they don't care enough to be looking at your interactions with others, after all. It's a system of see-follow-interact for those muns. However, it absolutely does cut down on those who actually visit your blog or might pay attention to your interactions through a mutual of theirs. At this point, any sort of cutting down is good! And, again, the more people like yourself you have as mutuals, the less likely they are going to be bringing polar opposites to the party with no invite.

No matter how tempting, don't follow people/follow back if the blog isn't mutuals only. Don't do it anymore. It doesn't matter if they have that one muse you want to interact with really bad, their portrayal is perfect, and they adhere to other people's rules (such as being sure to be mutuals with you when you are mutuals only and they are not). They are a cracked door for less reasonable muns to come in. That sounds extreme, but until this problem lessens some, you really do have to look at what potential partners are bringing into your time negatively as well as positively.

Only follow or follow back if the blog is mutuals only, and for good measure, only if they seem to have the same basic expectations and priorities that you do as well. That should become easier, too. Cultivating your space is an ongoing effort, it can be thought of much like cultivating a garden. Initially, it is a great deal of work and might seem to yield minimal rewards, but as it becomes established, your caretaking starts to perpetuate itself and you'll see easier and more plentiful rewards for what you're putting in. The effort you're taking right now might not immediately stop the issues, but eventually, surrounding yourself with the people you want to write with and suit you better will bring the same through them. Just like it works the other way around!

You might need to step a bit out of the box, though. It's very possible that your fandom is seeing an influx of newcomers to RP, or has grown very small, with a heavier influence of one type of RPer. Looking outside of your usual spaces and muse preferences might be necessary. It's always uncomfortable to step into new things, but it could be rewarding in more than just slowing down this problem for you!

In any case, some fandoms, and corners thereof in the case of huge ones, act as a transition point every now and then for RPers who have "graduated" from being minors in minor-dominant/intended fandoms. They're looking to move into more adult spaces, and while that is great, their experience isn't always the same as ours. Very few rules and maximum number of interactions seems to be a common issue there. If the fandom(s) you RP in happen to be popular with a new release of media recently, this might be a factor in what is happening. This can also be the case with "comfort" fandoms that have a mix of adult and minor RPers that they used to RP in or love the material within, so, they are now returning to it.

Absolutely no fandom to RP in is without its issues, but there are areas of the larger ones that are predominantly adult, experienced RPers, and some fandoms are all around that way. You might want to consider checking out other places of interest to see if you can find a group of people who are little more serious about rules, and if you do, making a crossover verse for your muse to participate.

Other than trying to find those more on the same page...

Some RPers like to use a password, but the issue you're having isn't that you need to know muns have read them. You already know they haven't. Putting a password in your rules isn't going to make anyone read them, so, I don't know what the point would be in you doing so.

If that is something you'd like to do, of course, you can. You should know it can be a bit of a perennially hot button issue, however. Some muns are extremely for them, some are outright volatile about others having them. Personally, I've had people quote pieces of my rules and talk about them with me, clearly having read them, but this did not stop them from doing a variety of things breaking those rules. I do not see that adding a word or phrase would be any different - people are either going to read and adhere or they're not going to. So, it isn't something for me, but if it makes you feel like it is added security, you should go for it!

You could have in your rules (that they won't read, but it's good to do anyway) that if someone follows you without you following back to become mutuals, you will softblock to force an unfollow from now on. Or, if they aren't mutuals with you and try to interact on posts, you will hard block them from this point on. Then, obviously, do that. If they're not going to read your rules like this, you're not missing out on anything or being mean by enforcing your boundaries. They were warned in the rules they wouldn't read. This would at least stop the same people from trying it repeatedly.

This is such an annoying issue, and a little more, really. If they're not reading your rules while trying to start up interactions with you, who has not read theirs or has read them and do not feel alright about the situation, both sides of the equation could be exposing each other to things they need and want to avoid. It's really not cool, and I'm sorry that people are being so disrespectful. Try to figure out where they're coming from and plug that hole, handle the ones that are doing it with a block. I hope you find something that helps some!

[briusami]

U.P.: Sekakoi is overrated. I haven't been up to date with the manga and just recently read the last 4 chapters of Nostalgia and it feels like I didn't miss out on anything. Nakamura's manga are repetitive, JR as well, but Sekakoi takes the cake. It feels like Nakamura's not really motivated with Sekakoi and putting more effort into JR if that makes sense? (although this time we only got Junjou Mix but I really didn't mind that)

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

Alright so, it should be kind of obvious why I put this under the strongly disagree category but I am going to go through this post piece by piece and describe why I have a different opinion.

Sekakoi is overrated.

I know some people call it by this instead of just Hatsukoi or Sekaiichi or whatever, and that’s fine but for this sake I am just going to use Hatsukoi. So, when it comes to Nakamura’s works, I would definitely make the claim that Romantica is much more overrated than Hatuskoi. Some of you guys might gape at that, considering this blog is largely Romantica and hardly has anything to do with Hatsukoi, but I have to say that when it comes to the writing between the two series, there is a huge difference.

Obviously Hatsukoi was created after a few years after Romantica - if my research doesn’t fail me it was either 3 or 4 years. So obviously Hatsukoi has had some time for Nakamura to develop her art style and basically has fleshed out with new ideas and characters. It is also of my opinion that Takano and Onodera’s storyline is one of the best-written narratives within the yaoi fanbase. I personally find that their development has had far better writing than several other of her pairings, even for the most part, Hatsukoi has done pretty well for itself, still remaining largely popular despite being a ‘sequel’ work for a much bigger fandom.

So in actual retrospect even if Hatsukoi is popular it still is not as popular as Romantica and possibly will never be as popular, but it still carries itself well for how it’s been doing.

I haven’t been up to date with the manga and just recently read the last 4 chapters of Nostalgia and it feels like I didn’t miss out on anything.

I feel like with this, you may have to think about how the timeline works when it comes to Nostalgia compared to other couples. With Nostalgia in particular as you said you read those last four chapters last, you have to realize that there has only been days between acts. Therefore nothing is really going to change that much from just four chapters. This isn’t Ten Count where one chapter could literally change the entire dynamic of a relationship. 

Takano and Onodera’s relationship is basically the best and worst case for a manga slowburn. Obviously at this point in the manga they understand their feelings for one another and are basically inches away from mutual confession, but it still could be a little bit before we actually get there. Nakamura is making sure that she takes her full time with them, just like how she did with Misaki’s first confession and even that was short compared to the Nostalgia payoff, which of course makes sense considering Onodera had to work so hard to get off how Takano hurt him the first time, and such and such.

So yeah, it isn’t going to feel any different because it’s been literal days/weeks. Relationships take time in order to get to the best part. 

Nakamura’s manga are repetitive, JR as well, but Sekakoi takes the cake.

I do agree with you that there are repetitive elements within both manga - a lot of the characters act eerily similar to others (Yukina to Nowaki, Yokozawa to Hiroki, Takano to Akihiko), and while they have those little differences, they can be portrayed around the same with their personalities. This, I do agree with. 

However I think that the Romantica manga is much more repetitive with its flaws than Hatsukoi is. For starters, the Romantica manga doesn’t really have as firm of a storyline as some of the couples in Hatsukoi. Nostalgia has the benefit of a timeline, and a pace for the two characters to fall on in a year’s time. Romantica, for example, doesn’t have that - it’s completely free to run however it wants. Therefore it’s very likely that the jealous-trope will pop up more often since Nakamura has more freedom to incorporate side characters into Romantica without worrying about the length of the plot.

It has been getting better since Nakamura understands that Romantica needs to come to terms with the acknowledgement of Takahiro knowing about their relationship, so she has been sticking with that a lot more now that it’s inevitable, but before that it felt like at points she wasn’t sure what they was wanting to do to conclude the manga, so we will have to see.

It feels like Nakamura’s not really motivated with Sekakoi and putting more effort into JR if that makes sense? (although this time we only got Junjou Mix but I really didn’t mind that)

With this, you have to understand that Nakamura has specific deadlines for both sets of manga. She doesn’t really have too much of a choice which manga gets published over the other - or at least, I don’t think she does. If anyone knows whether this is something the mangaka can operate, please let me know. But anyways, she needs to be able to have a balance between Hatsukoi and Romantica content. I personally feel as though she does well with both series when it comes to updates and that we get an equal set, but maybe some people think differently.

Also, Romantica is by far the more successful of the two series. She probably feels more of an obligation towards Romantica because more people are interested in Romantica as a series (I actually remember one person who was a huge Romantica fan not know there was Hatsukoi, even when it was on its second season, and I was like wow). 

So, Romantica would more than likely get the upper hand regardless just because it’s a bigger series that people gravitate more towards, it’s been around much longer, it has more content to its name (yes, yes, three seasons, and etc), and what have you. This doesn’t really mean Nakamura prefers one series over the other - I am sure she loves both regardless, but there is such a thing as strategy when it comes to this kind of thing, and manga has no exceptions.

This was really long, I hope I satisfied your opinion though.

send me an unpopular opinion

[pushspacetocontinue]

Rabbits and REDs (closed for booletsandblossoms)

@booletsandblossoms He couldn't help but head back towards the RED base. Maybe it was the hare traits he now possessed telling him to seek out plant life. Maybe it was just because he needed to know if it was still even after being gone for too years. His eyes widened when he saw the green house. It really was still here. A smile crept across his face and he couldn't help but start to hurry towards it. He needed to take a closer look.