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chris-evans-indian-fanfic · 4 years

Text

Love

One-Shot

Description: Asexual!Bucky thinks he is broken beyond repair, until you show him that he has been complete all this while.

Warnings: Angst, bad language, mention of sex toys, romance and fluff

@jtargaryen18 organised a writing challenge for reaching 4k followers and of course I have to participate multiple times! 😍 I am sorry this entry is a little late 🙈

My Main Masterlist

A/N: This is the first time I am writing an asexual character. Whatever I have written is based upon my knowledge that I have gathered by reading various articles and posts on asexuality. The reason I am writing this is because I want to have an equal amount of straight and LGBTQ+ stories in my masterlist, so that there's something for everyone to enjoy. Hence, if you are an asexual person or know someone who is, and you realise that anything in my story is incorrectly represented, then please let me know. I will immediately correct it, issue an apology and accept my mistake publicly.

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

"I cannot fucking believe this!" Karen shouted, "What are you like gay or something?"

Bucky winced at her venomous words. "You need to leave," he said in a quiet, respectful tone.

"Like hell I am going to leave. I want answers!" she placed her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. "What is it? Am I not sexy enough for you? Are you not attracted by this?!" she gestured towards the skimpy lingerie currently hugging her body.

Bucky met her eyes as he responded, "I do not want to have sex with you."

She huffed, clearly not convinced, "Why not? We have been going out for what, 3 months now? And you still don't want to have sex with me? What is the issue here? Is it-" she paused suddenly, her eyes traveling down his torso to his crotch, "You can't get it up can you?" she sneered.

Bucky shook his head, too exhausted to deal with her, "Karen, it's nothing like that. I just do not want to get physical with you. That's all."

"Oh! Ooooohh!" she bent backwards a bit, "So it was fine to hug me, cuddle with me and hold my hands. But when it comes to sex, you suddenly become a pious celibate saint! What the fuck Bucky?"

Bucky sighed, and handed Karen back her coat, "We are done. Please leave."

She laughed dryly, "Oh abso-fucking-lutely we are done. You know what I think?" she asked while wearing the coat, "I think that you are too old grandpa and that your tiny ass tortured gay dick cannot salute on its own. Because no man in his right mind would deny this," she again pointed to herself. "Super-soldier my ass," she muttered as she left.

The door to his apartment closed with a loud bang, leaving an echo in its wake. Bucky stood still, rooted to his spot. If it were not for the silent tears rolling down his cheeks, anybody could have mistaken him for a statue.

Slowly, he sat on the floor, his gentle sobs rocking his body as he hugged his knees.

Decades of torture by the hands of Hydra had left him crippled, physically, mentally and emotionally. When he had been saved by Steve, he had started to piece his life back together, bit by bit. Things such as books, movies, music became tiny jigsaw pieces that slowly filled the void in his life.

After the final galactic battle with Thanos, Bucky had been officially initiated to the Avengers team, or rather what was left of it. The team soon became an extended family, a family that Bucky was still getting used to. It was especially irksome when Sam and Scott decided to set him up on a date with Karen from Research & Development (R&D), despite his protests.

It wasn't that Bucky didn't desire a relationship. He wanted to be close to someone, experience romance, feel their heartbeat in a close embrace and place light kisses on their forehead.

But he didn't want to have sex.

At first, he thought he might not have met the right woman. So he searched for porn online, which did little to sway his feelings. He put the issue on a backburner, the safety of the people and the urgency of his missions steering the wheel of his life for a while.

But when Sam and Scott proudly announced their grand plans for Bucky's date, he remembered his "issue" again. He looked at Karen closely whenever they went on dates together. She looked perfect. Beautiful hair, soft glowing skin, curves in all the right places, all packed in a graceful, slender body.

Bucky liked being close to her, but he was still not getting aroused. Hence, he stopped her advancements everytime she tried to get physical. Karen tolerated it for a while, before her patience wore out tonight.

As the sun rose in the sky, Bucky was still seated on the floor, his cheeks now stained with tears that had stopped sometime in the night, though a sniff escaped from him every few minutes. He looked at the sunlight pouring in from the window, broken by the window-panes, landing at his feet in two rays with a comforting warmth. It was in that moment that Bucky realised, Hydra had truly broken him.

🏳️‍🌈

"We have various types of dildos available. There's The Classic, Textured, Long and Thin, Short and Thick, Vibrators, Transparent Plexiglass Dildos, Strap-Ons, G-Spot Dildos, Double-Ended, Squirting Dildos and ones that also come with a suction grip. Are you looking for yourself or are you looking for something to enjoy with your partner?" the helpful saleswoman asked you.

You stroked your chin in thought, "It's only for me. I already have a vibrator that I bought about a year back. The G-Spot ones have never really worked for me. I am looking to try something new. What is the suction grip one?"

The attendant handed you the dildo and showed you the suction grip at the end of it, "You can use this to place and stick it on any flat surface you want, whether it's the floor or the wall or the side of your desk. It guarantees a completely hands-free pleasurable experience."

You stuck it on the wall besides the showcase to test the theory. It worked. "Neat! I will take this one," you smiled as the attendant went to fetch a fresh piece.

You paid for your new sex toy and walked back to the Avengers compound with your small white shopping bag in tow.

When you reached your desk, you heard Karen bitching as usual about something to Jessica. At first, you blocked them out like you did almost everyday, but then a name in their conversation caught your attention.

"He's the Winter Soldier alright. He's completely frozen down there," Karen whispered loudly with disgust.

"Even that red sexy lingerie didn't do anything for him?" Jessica gasped dramatically.

"No!"

"That's crazy! That hot-red piece will convert even the most gayest of the guys! And it didn't do anything for him? Wow," Jessica responded.

Karen added, "You know something? I have always thought he was extremely weird. Like, dude, I know you were tortured by Hydra or whatever, but get over it man! It's been years since he was free. He should enjoy life and stop being such a wimp. I am 100% sure he is impotent."

"You know I was digging into him the other night," Jessica said in a hushed whisper, "and I saw a message board online which suggested that his penis has been completely cut by Hydra. This person knows all such secrets about these alleged superheros. You should follow him."

"What is his username?"

"Proud-Flat-Earther-MotherFuckers. Wait, I will send you the link," Jessica offered.

Having heard enough of their nonsense, you made your way towards the HR department. Maybe both Karen and Jessica had forgotten, but talking about the personal lives of Avengers was strictly against the rules and was considered as reason enough to fire employees.

You filed a complaint with the HR and within a few hours, both the women were fired on the spot. You savored the moment with relish, as their faces turned aghast at the realisation that their actions had consequences. You went up to them, watching the pair clean their desks, with unabashed glee.

"You know something Karen?" you asked her, "Just because a man refuses to have sex, it didn't mean that he's a wimp, or gay or an impotent. But if you do choose to think of him that way, then it surely makes you a sexiest and a homophobic person."

Karen looked at you furiously, "You bitch! I lost my job because you went and blabbed in front of the HR!"

You chuckled at her outburst, "Oh my dearest Karen. Yes I did go and rat you out to the HR. But that's not what got the two of you fired."

"Then what did?" Jessica asked as she joined the conversation.

You folded your hands for effect, "Your hateful comments and toxic views cost you your jobs. People like you think that just by using the latest iPhone or following the latest trends, you are a modern, 21st century person. But in reality, it is your open mindset which makes you a member of the modern society. If you would open your mind just as much as you open your legs, trust me, the two of you will be much better off."

You turned to leave, but stopped yourself, "Just a suggestion. Stop using words like gay and impotent as insults. It will help you retain your next job for a longer time." You winked at their speechless faces, and happily returned to your desk.

Your job in R&D was taxing and so, you always found yourself working late. Today was no exception either. As you left your office at around 8pm, you saw Bucky heading towards the elevator which led to his apartment. You always had a soft spot for the brunette super-soldier. For starters, you couldn't even begin to comprehend the tortures he must have endured in his past. And the fact that he was trying to piece his life back together again? It was truly commendable.

He always kept to himself, his eyes downcast and his body language unsure. And after what you had heard today, you felt even more sorry for the guy. Turning towards the cafeteria, you picked up a box of vanilla-strawberry French macarons for him, thanking the heavens above for the free food available at the Avengers compound. You held the white bag with macarons in your left hand, being mindful of not confusing it with the similar white bag in your right which contained your new sex toy.

A few moments later, you found yourself in front of his apartment. You had visited him twice before to adjust his vibranium arm or to sort out a few tweaks, but never before had you visited him so late in the evening.

You knocked, feeling a little hesitant as you did so. He was surprised to find you standing on the opposite of the door, however, he still greeted you courteously nonetheless.

Before you could state your reason for the visit, he said sincerely, "I heard what you did today. Thank you. I really appreciated it."

Now it was your turn to be surprised, "Oh. Ummm. It's okay really Mr Barnes. It was nothing. You don't need to-"

"No. It wasn't just nothing. You could have turned a deaf ear and ignored them. Yet you chose to stand-up for me. Thank you," a small smile laced his face and you melted on the spot.

You had a crush on Bucky. A BIG one. Could anyone blame you? This guy was a hot, sexy mess of an ice-cream sundae that left you hungry for more even on the coldest nights of the year.

You realised you were staring into his steel-blue eyes like a creep, and immediately cleared your throat. "What-what they did was wrong. Karen had no right to demean you for your desires or lack of them. I-," you sighed, "I am sorry for what she said. It was disrespectful and hurtful. So I brought you something that I hope will cheer you up."

You awkwardly raised your right hand, "I got you some vanilla-strawberry macarons from the cafeteria."

Bucky did cheer up a bit at the mention of his favourite food. He eagerly took the bag with a huge smile, "Thank you," he said once again as you shook your head. "Thank you for everything you do to keep us safe Mr Barnes. I must be on my way now. Goodnight," and with that you left, grinning like an idiot.

🏳️‍🌈

You took a bath, ate your dinner and slipped into comfortable pyjamas. Excited to try your new sex toy tonight, you unpacked the bag expecting to see the nondescript box of the dildo. Instead, 5 delicious macarons stared back at you with innocence.

You stumbled backwards in shock, the impact of your action settling like a dull, heavy weight in your stomach. "Oh no no no no," you whispered, horrified.

You immediately rushed to your window and pulled aside the curtain to look at Bucky's building, as if expecting to see him staring daggers at you. One of the privileges of working with the Avengers? You got to stay in a nice apartment within the compound itself. Your residential complex was a little further away from the main building, covered easily by 15 minutes of walking.

Feeling hyper, you frantically searched for a coat and almost ran out of your house. You rushed back in to keep the box in the bag and again, dashed towards the elevator.

Hoping that Bucky would have yet to open the box, you sent a silent prayer to all the gods and goddesses in the skies above, even Thor. Meh, you never know when an ex-Avenger could be of help.

You sprinted towards the other building, a multitude of thoughts clouding your mind- What if he was offended by it? Would he file a complaint against me? It would be sorta ironic if I was fired for this! Shit he would think my apology was false and I am probably mocking him.

You reached his apartment, a panting, huffing mess of a person. You knocked frantically, his door shaking with force at your desperation. However, you jumped as Bucky whispered your name from behind you, "Are you okay? What's going on?" he asked with concern as you turned around to face him.

"Did-did you op-open the bo-ox?" you questioned him while panting like a dog.

He furrowed his brows in response, "No I was planning to open it in a few minutes. Please tell me what's going on. Why do you look so scared?"

You bent over double, your stomach cramping thanks to your impromptu running, "Thi-this is your bag," you held up the package, "That ba-bag is mine."

"Okay," Bucky said slowly, still unsure of your behaviour, "Should I open the door to retrieve your bag?"

You nodded as he stepped aside, "Why are you not wearing any shoes?"

You looked down at your feet at his query, small blades of grass had stuck to your naked feet along with dirt. "I was in a hur-hurry to get to you," you managed to say between your breaths.

Bucky just nodded in response. It was then that you noticed the pack of paper tissues in his hand. He opened the door and stepped inside, beckoning you to follow him. He pointed to the white bag kept on the table while he looked at it with worry. "Will it explode?" he solicited.

"Uhh no," you replied awkwardly.

"Is it dangerous?" curiosity etched on Bucky's face as you swapped the bags.

"No, it's nothing like that," you looked down at your feet, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks with embarrassment.

He narrowed his eyes, "Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you," you quietly admitted, "but here are your macarons. I am really sorry for this. Didn't mean to disturb you from whatever you had planned," you pointed to the box of tissues still in his hand.

Bucky noticed the underlying question in your statement, "I was about to watch a movie. So needed these to clear the mess."

Your eyes went wide at his sincerity. While you had a crush on him, you definitely did not want to know about Bucky's late night masturbation adventures. Shaking your head, you raised your hands and started walking backwards, "I am sorry I disturbed your nightly… activities. I get out of your hair."

"Actually, would you like to join me for the movie?" Bucky asked hopefully, "We have the macarons and you seem like you need to calm your nerves."

You were surprised for the third time that day. Did Bucky just ask you to masturbate with him? Or have sex while eating the macarons? Or did he want to eat them after you guys have had sex? A flurry of questions swirled in your mind as you stared at him with a slightly open mouth.

Bucky interpreted your gaze and stumbled to clarify himself, "As friends! Would you like to watch a movie with me as a friend?"

You slowly nodded your affirmation, "Yeah okay. Which movie are we watching?"

"The Notebook," he revealed with a smile, "It's an extremely emotional movie. Ummm what's the term? Tear-jerker? Uhh yeah, it's a real tear-jerker of a movie."

"Oh so that's why…" you pointed at the tissues. "Yeah," he confirmed, "I tend to cry a lot while watching that movie. And… ummm… I am the kind of person who cries ugly. You know, all tears and snot. So yeah… I need the whole box."

"That's… that's actually sweet," you smiled, "Trust me you are not alone. I start crying as soon as the titles appear on the screen."

He got excited at your confession, "Yes! Exactly! It's because you know what's going to come and you are just mentally preparing yourself."

You chuckled with him in affirmation as he led you further into his apartment.

You freshened up a bit in his washroom, making sure to clean your feet and the residue on your face from the sweat.

Bucky was standing besides your bag when you entered the living room, "Now that we are friends," he intoned, "will you please tell me what's inside of this?"

You sighed, "Mr Barnes-."

"Bucky," he corrected you and you smiled.

"Will you promise me you will not take any offense or be insulted by it? I really did not mean to swap the bags."

"I trust you," Bucky said with assurance.

"It's…it is a sex toy," you mumbled quietly. Any normal human wouldn't have heard you, but Bucky's enhanced hearing caught your words flawlessly.

He took a moment to process your words, and finally, to your amazement, burst out laughing.

You sheepishly smiled at his reaction as your heart felt a little lighter. "That is embarrassing," he agreed with a wide grin.

The two of you settled on the couch as Bucky's chuckles lessened. He kept the box of macarons between you two, but hesitated to begin the movie.

You sensed his curiosity, and clarified, "I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. It's been… 2 years I guess… since my last breakup." You took a deep breath, "And my job doesn't exactly leave a lot of time on my hands for dating or one-night-stands."

Bucky seemed to consider your words for what felt like a long time. Finally, he asked quietly, "What does it feel like? To… to want another person… sexually?"

You blinked your eyes, thinking you must have misheard him. But then, his gaze met yours, and you knew his question was sincere.

"It feels like…," you raked your mind in search for the appropriate words, "...like your entire body is on fire, and you need the touch of the other person to quench your thirst. Like, just for a few moments, you want to shut your mind, and let your body think for you."

Bucky nodded slowly as you finished, "But what if you feel that in your heart? And not for your body?"

You squint your eyes at his question, "What do you mean Bucky?"

He placed his head in his hands, "I just… I don't feel like that with anyone. I mean, I don't want to have sex. Trust me I have tried everything. Literally everything. Still I don't feel aroused… I am broken, aren't I? Because this is abnormal, right? No matter how hard I try I will never be normal."

Your heart shattered at his words. You had heard about his horrid nightmares, but to think that he was struggling to accept himself, thinking that he was broken, even when he had so much love to give, was depressing. You could not just stand by and watch.

Gently, you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Bucky, look at me." When he didn't comply, you urged him, "Bucky, you are not broken. It is completely normal to not have any sexual desires."

"No it's not," he scoffed.

"Yes it is," you coerced him, "Do you know what is asexuality? It is the complete absence of sexual desires. Many people-"

He interrupted you, "There is no such thing. You are making this up."

"I am not," you replied indignantly, "Research indicates that more than 1% of the American population is asexual. Also, experts believe that more people might be asexuals because they think that they "haven't found the right person yet"," you ended with air quotes.

With no reaction from him, you sighed and got up, "Do yourself a favour. Use the internet and learn about asexuality. It will help put your mind at ease." You left after giving that piece of advice.

Bucky stayed in the same position for a few moments after your departure. He nibbled on a macaron as he considered the movie playing in front of him. Unable to focus, he promptly shut it all and carried the box to his bed. The macarons disappeared into his mouth as he tossed and turned, feeling restless.

There was no way asexuality was a thing. If it was, then how come there were no movies, tv shows or even advertisements on asexuality? That's because it wasn't normal, right? Maybe you had just lied to him to make him feel better? Maybe you took pity on him?

He looked at his phone on the table near the tv set, your final words repeating in his head in a loop. The combination of tiredness and laziness encouraged him to take your advice in the morning.

🏳️‍🌈

You didn't see Bucky for 3 days after your fateful encounter with him. The fact that you still had your job at the Avengers Tower meant that he hadn't filed a complaint yet with the HR. And for that you were grateful. Friday came and you found yourself working late, again. It was around 10pm and you were still in your lab, almost done with the work. That's when you heard the small swoosh of the lab doors opening and closing.

You looked up from your table, and found Bucky staring intently at you with his blue eyes. He cleared his throat and tentatively took a step towards you. "You were right," he said slowly, "I researched online, read a few articles and spoke with the in-house therapist. I am an," he took a deep breath, "an asexual."

You closed your laptop and smiled at his confession, "How are you feeling now?"

"Honestly? A little bit better. I feel somewhat free," he admitted while gripping the white bag in his hand a little bit tighter.

"That's great! I am so proud of the progress you have made," you beamed at him, but sensed his hesitance as you neared him.

"What's wrong?" you gently inquired.

"You are… not… I mean… by any chance… asexual?" he winced at his own question.

You chuckled lightly, "No I am not."

"Ahh, then it's okay," he murmured and turned as if to leave.

You stopped him by placing a hand on his firm bicep, "What's going on?"

He shifted on his feet, visibly uncomfortable and anxious, "I was just… no nevermind it's stupid."

"Bucky," you said his name in a stern voice.

He sighed again, "I thought… I mean I owe you a movie because… of that night… and so… you know… would you like to watch it? The movie? But why would you? You deserve better… you are not an asexual. You are normal. Why would you want to go on a date with me?" he finally ended his mumbling.

You looked at him with squinted eyes, trying to decipher what he had muttered. "Did you just say you would like to go on a date with me? But it was stupid because you are an asexual and I am normal?" you blinked as he nodded.

"Who told you that you are not normal?" you asked him, a little irritated, "Bucky look at me." This time he complied, "You. Are. Normal. As normal as me, as the other Avengers or as anybody else in the world. Do not, for even one goddamn second, think that there's something wrong with you because there isn't. Are you listening to me? Am I clear?" you wagged your forefinger at him.

Amused at your outburst, he nodded with a sheepish grin. Clearing his throat, he asked you again, "Would you like to watch a movie with me tomorrow? As a date?"

You placed your hands on your waist, "Yes."

His grin widened as he asked you the next question, "Still mad at me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe these cupcakes will help," he shyly held up the white bag in front of you, "I made sure they were cupcakes," he added with a smirk.

You graciously accepted the bag, "Cupcakes will always help."

"Great! It's a date then. Tomorrow… at 4pm? My apartment?" Bucky suggested.

You agreed, and he left with a goodbye. As soon as he was out of sight, you opened the box, expecting to see the usual cupcakes inside. Instead, you found that the sweet treats were decorated with cute messages such as "U R Cute" , "Be Mine?" , "So Sweet" and so on. Feeling mushy at his adorable gesture, you bit into the sweet treat as you headed back to your apartment.

The next day, you made sure to wear a purple dress, complete with black, grey and white accessories - the colours of the asexual flag. Bucky beamed at you as he welcomed you into his apartment. He had made a snack mix from popcorn, crispy pretzels, chips and nachos, the perfect accompaniment to any movie according to him, and you couldn't agree more.

The pair of you watched The Notebook in silence, except for a few sobs and sniffs here and there and the straight up bawling during the emotional parts of the movie.

After a while, the film ended but your date continued. The two of you talked about everything, right from the meaningful discussions about the government policies to random questions like "which mythical creature would you be and why?"

Soon, it was time for you to head back to your apartment. Bucky offered to walk you and you happily agreed. But before you left, he asked you nervously, "Would you like to have a second date?"

"I would love to," you beamed, "Which movie should we watch the next time?"

He ran his hand in his somewhat disheveled hair, "Uhh… I actually made a date jar. Wait, I will get it."

He brought over a glass jar, filled with tiny bits of folded paper, "I thought we could have dates that start from each English alphabet. We can pick and choose at random from the jar."

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes again at his thoughtful and romantic gesture. You gingerly picked one note from the jar, excited for the adventure that awaited the two of you.

🏳️‍🌈

It took more than 2 years for the pair of you to finish every date in the date jar, except for one. Whether it was jet-skiing in the ocean, taking classes for flamenco dance, him teaching you self-defense or going on a wildlife safari together, you and Bucky finally got through it all. Only the letter "P" was now left.

In these 2 years, any distance between the two of you had practically vanished. Bucky was comfortable in removing his bionic arm in front of you. Moreover, he had started sharing everything with you. Right from his darkest and disturbing nightmares to a pretty butterfly that he may have seen during his missions, Bucky made it a point to ensure that you were a part of his life, and you had absolutely no complaints.

The two of you had also discussed about your sexual desires, and Bucky had been comfortable with you using your sex toys as and when you wished.

Bucky was the perfect boyfriend anybody could ask for. He was considerate, thoughtful, a hardcore feminist and gave the best foot-rubs in the world. And so you were nervous. Nervous because the two of you had never actually sat down to talk about the nature of your relationship. And as the day of the last date loomed nearer, your anxiety increased. At first, you thought of making a second date jar, but he had quickly dismissed the idea, stating that he would be caught up with multiple things after the last date ended.

As you sat in the car that Bucky had sent for you, your apprehension grew. Bucky always picked you up, however this time, he had asked you to come alone in the car. Maybe he wanted to break up with you?

By the time you reached the park it was pitch black. You were sure Bucky had paid the guards to keep the gates of the park open just for you.

As soon as you entered, you saw the pathway lined with 25 lamp posts, leading you towards a breathtaking archway decorated with fairy lights and your favourite flowers.

On every lamp post, a photograph of the two of you - which were taken on your dates - was stuck along with a note. The notes described how he fell in love with you over and over again on every single date. Your progress was slow, as read each of his meticulously written words with tears in your eyes. You collected all of his notes and the photographs, and finally headed towards the lit archway.

When you entered it, the instrumental notes of the song "All of Me" by John Legend reached your ears.

You walked ahead and reached a bend. Upon crossing it, you were showered with rose petals as the live music grew louder. And at the end of the archway, your boyfriend, James Buchanan Barnes, was standing in a tuxedo, looking as sinfully good as the forbidden fruit. The entire area around him was lit with soft fairy lights that cascaded gracefully between tall lamp posts. Even on the ground, small wooden lamps illuminated the grass across the area. A live band was playing the music and your Bucky was standing with the most gorgeous bouquet of red roses that you had ever seen.

Your vision turned blurry as you started crying, and looking at your tears, he started sobbing as well. "No no no I can't cry now," he managed to say between his sobs while giving you his handkerchief, "I have to do this."

He got down on one knee and took your hand in his. You both laughed as you started crying harder. He took a deep breath and said your name, "These 2 years have been the most magical years of my life. You have accepted me as who I am, what I am, and never once tried to change me or make fun of me for it. I never thought I would be treated with the amount of respect that-" he started crying, unable to finish his sentence.

You sat beside him and handed him your kerchief. "Yes," you said with a tear-stained smile.

"Let me ask you first!" he exclaimed between his sobs.

You laughed and wiped your snot as he cleared his throat, "I love you so much. You are the only one I want to-" he started crying again.

"Yes!" you answered his unsaid question.

"I haven't asked you yet!" he exclaimed again as the two of you giggled between your sobs.

"Okay c'mon Bucky you can do this," he muttered to himself as you beamed at him. "Okay," he looked into your eyes and whispered your name, "Will you do me the honour of marrying me and becoming my wife?"

You choked up at finally hearing the words. Rendered speechless, you could only nod as fresh tears escaped your eyes.

"You have to say yes!" he almost shouted with excitement.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!!" you matched his enthusiasm as he slipped a ring onto your finger. His large arms then engulfed you in a bear hug, wrapping you in a safe and secure space for eternity to come.

Permanent tag: @donutloverxo @notyourtypicalrose @just-one-ordinary-fangirl

Bucky taglist: @loustan90

Taglist open! Just comment, send an ask or message!

#asexual #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes au #james bucky barnes #asexual!bucky barnes #asexual!Bucky #bucky x reader #Bucky barnes x Reader #winter soldier #lgbtqa #JTargaryen18s4K

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rpbetter · 3 years

Note

hello! this might be a very simple question, but how do you deal with mutuals ( and non-mutuals too ) who very clearly have not read your rules? asking because I’ve had this happen to me multiple times and I frequently get newcomers who comment on my posts and send in ic starters without giving me a chance to actually check their blog and see if I want to write with them. that and my rules state very clearly that I am mutuals only and for followers to not interact with my posts if we are not mutuals.

It isn't a very simple question! It's just an unfortunately common one that isn't simple (or fully possible) to fix. How do you fix something when you're the only one playing by the, very literally meant and otherwise, rules while everyone else is determined to flout them?

What I do probably isn't especially nice, I'll be honest, but can be effective. So long as you're aware that this is almost certainly not going to result in them turning around and reading the rules, apologizing for the mistake, and becoming awesome mutuals with you. Which, you probably are aware. If this is an ongoing issue, I'm sure you have, at some point, had to bring it up to one of them. Thus, you know that very few people react well to being told, no matter how politely, that they've got to follow your rules.

I message them via tumblr's IM and say something as to the effect of, "Hey, I see you commented/tagged me in a starter/sent a starter to my inbox. Have you read my rules?"

The answer is usually an astonishing "yes."

Which...could not be more glaringly false. I'm also mutuals only and both specify and remind in my rules that I require plotting first, so, I don't accept random starters of any variety.

Though, there are occasionally some people bold enough to not lie. Instead, they outright tell me that no, they didn't read "all of them" because "they're too long." On the one hand? Yeah, I do appreciate honesty. On the other hand? Are you kidding me? Exactly no one in the RPC ever has said it's fine to treat their rules like it is a toppings bar at a frozen yogurt shop, and even if they did, it definitely doesn't say that anywhere in mine. It would still behoove someone to read something as critical as how another RPer accepts mutuals and begins writing with them. The added attitude problem as though one should be incredibly thankful for the attention despite the great inconvenience of having rules, that's just a bonus.

Most of them, however, will claim to have read your rules. That gives you the right to say something like, "You say that, but you're already breaking them. I am mutuals only, we are not mutuals, but you are trying to interact with my posts and send me starters. Sorry, but I don't want to write with someone who not only refused to read my rules first but also lied about it."

You can either block them at that point or stick around for them to go absolutely, holiday style, cooked ham on the egregious wrong you've done them. Just blocking is definitely better, you don't want to convince them to read the rules, do you? You don't. And that is why I am fine with approaching it in this way - I don't want this person as my writing partner, this is the worst foot possible to start on, it isn't going to get better from here on out if they're already disrespectful and lying to me about it.

For the record, there was exactly one instance in which I tried to give someone a chance when they claimed that they just "followed so many blogs" that they thought they'd read my rules but were mistaken and now would, immediately. Even while doing it, I was regretting the decision, wondering if I would ever be able to feel like this person wasn't being deceptive, if they'd only proceed to do more things like this, and if I really wanted to write with someone prone to following so many blogs at once they couldn't remember whether they read some of the rules. No spoiler alert necessary, I think you know how this ended. The behavior was consistent, yes. I'd have to remind them that I do not write x or that doing y OOC wasn't alright with a near daily regularity.

If another mun does not feel like your rules are of value enough for their time at any point in your involvement, it doesn't really matter why or how it happened. Ultimately, it says something about how they view you. You exist as a piece of their outlet-hobby-entertainment, not as another person who has boundaries and needs. It doesn't matter if it is a hobby, any time you make a choice to interact with other people, trying your best to be aware of their boundaries and needs is necessary, period.

So, again, you don't actually want these people around. You're trying to have a good time here, too, and have requirements that allow you to do so just like everyone else does (even if those requirements appear to be...no requirements). You certainly don't have to try to talk to them, it's not going to benefit you anyway. I do it because, quite irrationally probably, I feel like it might benefit either them or someone else they try to interact with down the line. They'll be pissed off at me, they'll very likely call everyone with legitimate rules or the requirement of being mutuals only "elitists" for a while, but maybe they will mature a bit in the future to understand. Hell, maybe they'll just have an easier time of knowing at-a-glance-style what blogs they're not really going to mesh with, and as such, will avoid them for a better time for all involved.

Breaking rules immediately like this is one of the times I'm totally fine with advising that someone just block, though. This isn't a situation where you've established communication with them, agreed to writing with them, or any such thing. Your sole basis of interaction is them not reading your rules and doing whatever they want at cost to your comfort. So, if you want to handle it by blocking? Block away.

The only thing you can truly control here is what you do, try to look at what could be causing this to be an easily repeating situation and work on that. You are never going to stop everyone from doing this sort of thing, but you might be able to trim it down to one a year or so, and that's a win!

So, what can you do?

Take a look at your blog and rules. I'm sure you already have "mutuals only" in your blog description, but just in case you don't, make sure it is there. Additionally, make sure it is visibly there. Don't bury that kind of thing under a lengthy character quote or other information, that gives people an excuse not to see it. Try listing that it is a multi or the muse's name and immediately after that put your blog requirements. Age needed to interact, mutuals only, and then other information like selectivity type, activity level, and one-liner/single-para/multipara/novella. I know that this isn't the height of aesthetic value, but your blog has a lot of great places for those bad ass, evocative quotes, and so long as it isn't going to be inaccessible, you can make this information visually appealing still.

You just really want to be sure it is right there when someone floats over your URL and gets the preview or gets the dash-view on desktop or mobile view of your blog in the app. Consider strongly how it looks on the full view of your blog, as well. While visits to the full blog aren't extremely common anymore, they tend to be more so when someone is first following/thinking of following. You want this information to be clear, not obscured by the blog's theme aesthetics!

Be sure you are providing no excuse for the rules not to be read in other ways as well. Your blog theme really should be one that transfers easily to mobile viewing, in and out of the app, but regardless, even if the theme's mobile version does have a menu for accessing pages, provide a link in an easily accessible and difficult to ignore place. Put it right in your blog description, "*read rules* before interacting" with the words between the * * being linked to your rules page/post. Make a pinned post where (in addition to reiterating that you only accept whatever age and up, are mutuals only, etc.) you have links to your most important pages, the rules page being the first one there. Make that link stupidly big, put some arrows by it, be obnoxious, just make sure it is there.

Even if you are not mobile-friendly from an interaction standpoint, someone is likely to come across your blog, sooner or later, while they're bored on the bus or a lunch break. This gives them no reason to not go ahead and read your rules before they follow you, and additionally, can cut down on potentially missing the people who won't follow without reading, but who forgot your URL by the time they got to desktop again.

It isn't necessary to do anything more elaborate, either. If you want to do a Google Doc or Carrd, go right ahead, but that is literally not necessary and shouldn't be a thing that holds you up with being yet another demand to make something Really Pretty But Accessible. Linking to a damn rules page or post works just fine on mobile, especially in the case of a post, like...if your mutuals cannot view a post from you, I don't know you're writing with them outside of doing so in real-time. So, again, if that's a creative endeavor that appeals to you, make yourself happy with it! If it's stressful or seems redundant to you, make yourself happy by not doing it.

In your rules, be mindful of how you are organizing information. The problem is that people are not reading the rules, so, they're probably not even getting to this point, but for the portion of muns who get to the rules only to skim them, this is a good thing to consider. Like the blog description, make sure you are not unintentionally burying the most important information to have at a glance. Yes, you do want people to read all of it, but you cannot assume they're actually going to. When that is the case, the best preventative measure you can hope for is putting the information that might tell them your way of interacting isn't for them upfront.

These things are all those already touched on in your blog description and pinned post, but with things like "mutuals only," you can expand a little in your rules as to what that means for you. It seems like a very clear thing to me, but I know that I've seen confusion about this and other common terminology like "selective." The whole point is to make this as unquestionable as possible, no guessing for anyone if they've made it to your rules.

Something like, "Mutuals only. I only write with mutuals, don't send or tag me in starters or start up interaction of any sort on a post until we are both following each other, please."

You can even explain that you need to look at their rules as well, that you can't be sure you will work out together otherwise and do not want to get anything started until then. The important thing is to reiterate that you're mutuals only and what they should not do until you've followed back. If you're not comfortable interacting OOC until that happens, be sure you state that as well, this is something that leaves some people feeling anxious about what they should do. Some muns are alright with non-mutuals messaging them or even sending in memes meant to be answered OOC, while other muns are not.

If people are determined to forgo your rules to this extent, nothing you can do is going to stop that, but you might catch a few by being certain your requirements cannot be missed.

Other than that, what can you do?

If it's happening a lot, this is a problem with where you are, or in some other way, the sort of people you're attracting to your blog. Somehow, you're getting muns who are viewing RP differently than you are. If you can figure out how this is happening, you can cut down on the number of incidents by changing this aspect.

You might want to consider how you're advertising your blog, if you are at all, and the mutuals you have in common with the new followers. They're coming from somewhere, and it might be a significant part of the problem.

Gaining new mutuals through existent mutuals is great when it works out. I think that's one of the best ways to find new people you might work out with, but unfortunately, not everyone involved is looking at it that way. Some people are always going to look at the people their mutuals are writing with and disregard any reasons why they shouldn't write with them as well, just seeing that if my friend writes with this mun, I can and should. This is especially true if you are either a more popular blog or have a more in-demand canon character. You sort of become a commodity, other muns act like it is criminally unfair that you have requirements that might prevent interaction, if they bother to look at all.

If you have a handful of mutuals who have no similar requirements to yours, are non-selective/non-private/will accept and immediately begin RP with anyone who approaches, they could be the problem. This is unfortunate and a bit uncomfortable, they're not problems in and of themselves, but their approach is attracting people less respectful than they are. It is giving other people, especially those newer to RP, the wrong idea about everyone else they interact with visibly.

This can be true when we've branched too far apart in how we RP as well. There might be mutuals from when you first started years ago who are still happy with that approach, while you no longer are. Most people, when they first begin RPing, do simply want to maximize the fun and interactions. The cultivation of space begins to be necessary after they're around long enough to experience some problems and to want more lasting interactions, begin to feel comfortable with writing a particular way, and generally, get a feel for what they do and do not want and enjoy. For a few people, though, that never changes. (And that's fine if everyone is being respectful.) They tend to be excellent places to start for newer RPers, they've got experience but are still incredibly accessible to newcomers. Unfortunately, that means that their mutuals are likely to end up being a sort of testing ground as well when they didn't sign up for it.

It isn't these mutuals' are doing anything wrong, it isn't their fault, we cannot (nor should we seek to) control the actions of everyone on dashes, but as you are the only person you can control, you may need to assess what is best for you if this is what might be happening. You might need to consider who you should kindly part ways with while you continue to cultivate more mutuals who have the same basic requirements you do. Kindly. You certainly don't need to tell them that the muns coming through them to your blog are causing you issues, just that your styles have changed a lot and you don't think it is working out any longer. Unless, whoever it is happens to be a good friend who is capable of not taking that personally and hatefully, then, yes, by all means, tell them. They definitely deserve the right to make changes if they wish to do so! But, if it is someone who this information is only going to bring to anger or self-chastisement, that isn't a very nice thing to do when the issue can be resolved otherwise.

You can even make a polite announcement on the dash about needing to change a few things in order to cultivate your space better. You very much appreciate all of your mutuals, but there are some things that, the longer you've been established, are beginning to take a toll. In order to continue enjoying RP and feel less stressed, you're going to have to be making some changes, you want everyone to know none of this is personal, but you're forced to part ways with some threads and mutuals.

And then, please, for the sake of the good people you are interacting with, don't just unfollow and/or block without saying a word to them. That can be incredibly upsetting to folks to suddenly have happen when they thought everything was fine, and it should be considered that nearly everyone here has some manner of mental health situation they're working with. People can feel like it is ridiculous all they want to, the reality is that doing such a thing to people who suffer from RSD, for instance, is really, honestly, kind of mean as hell.

So, don't be that person! If you are not capable of approaching the mutuals you do write with that you need to let go of to warn them and be clear that it is based on nothing they've done, it is simply that you are going in different directions, don't go this route. If you aren't able to answer any (non-demanding, non-hateful) questions they might have with kindness and patience, don't do it. Because, I promise you, someone will ask. It'll be too nebulous for someone involved, and it's actually a good thing when people want to know if they're doing something wrong so they can fix it in the future, we shouldn't discourage that, right? Right. Unless, again, they're doing it in a demanding, hostile, nasty way themselves, refusing to accept your decision and all that. Then, yeah, no. You just go ahead and stop engaging at that point, you're done.

Additionally, if you feel like you do need to do that, please don't leave a vague-seeming (not vague as in Vague, the normal, non-tumblr usage) post like that up for days without taking any action. Make it as clear as possible what you are intending to do and when, and stick to it. No one deserves the anxiety of wondering if you're going to drop them and why. Make the statement, reblog it in a few hours, and take action that day. Make sure you have the time and mental energy to deal with it first! You know, insofar as possible, we certainly cannot predict when something offline is going to suck our time or energy unexpectedly. Just try to be mindful of others, remember that they're not the actual problem, just the vessel thereof.

Sometimes, this problem can resolve itself less directly, too. Many people who have this sort of approach frequently move blogs or go on long hiatuses...and then move blogs, fandoms, muses, and so on. You're not obligated to follow anyone, let alone repeatedly. If it might help to start phasing out this blog-type and phasing in those more like yourself, it really can be as simple as not following them to their next iteration. Again, if they take the initiative and follow you or send a message prompting you to follow or explain, be nice about it while being firm. Go through your followers for those who have been on long, long hiatuses, their blogs pretty much abandoned at this point, and unfollow them. It can be a bit of a shock anyway when you forgot all about someone from five years ago, but now they're back, have revamped, and want to write with you exactly like they did five years ago! That's fine when you're both still at that same place, but a lot of the time, you're not. It's a great way for prolonging situations in which we no longer mesh and are encouraging cross-over mutuals who mesh no better.

So, while I don't advocate ditching people who keep mutuals up to date on their hiatus status or going through one's followers every month to nix those who haven't replied in two weeks, I do advocate keeping up with your followers list for this reason. If it has been years? It might be years too long depending on how you've changed. And because I am the worst, apparently, none of that means it is wrong because I don't personally advise it. This isn't a case of something as extreme as harassment, it is definitely a difference of how muns want or need to run their blogs. It's too extreme for me, but if that is something made clear in a mun's rules that is necessary for them, it's their prerogative.

Cultivating mutuals more like yourself will, additionally, act as its own counter-signal of sorts. With people who are going to hit follow just because they like your muse and you exist, it isn't going to matter - they don't care enough to be looking at your interactions with others, after all. It's a system of see-follow-interact for those muns. However, it absolutely does cut down on those who actually visit your blog or might pay attention to your interactions through a mutual of theirs. At this point, any sort of cutting down is good! And, again, the more people like yourself you have as mutuals, the less likely they are going to be bringing polar opposites to the party with no invite.

No matter how tempting, don't follow people/follow back if the blog isn't mutuals only. Don't do it anymore. It doesn't matter if they have that one muse you want to interact with really bad, their portrayal is perfect, and they adhere to other people's rules (such as being sure to be mutuals with you when you are mutuals only and they are not). They are a cracked door for less reasonable muns to come in. That sounds extreme, but until this problem lessens some, you really do have to look at what potential partners are bringing into your time negatively as well as positively.

Only follow or follow back if the blog is mutuals only, and for good measure, only if they seem to have the same basic expectations and priorities that you do as well. That should become easier, too. Cultivating your space is an ongoing effort, it can be thought of much like cultivating a garden. Initially, it is a great deal of work and might seem to yield minimal rewards, but as it becomes established, your caretaking starts to perpetuate itself and you'll see easier and more plentiful rewards for what you're putting in. The effort you're taking right now might not immediately stop the issues, but eventually, surrounding yourself with the people you want to write with and suit you better will bring the same through them. Just like it works the other way around!

You might need to step a bit out of the box, though. It's very possible that your fandom is seeing an influx of newcomers to RP, or has grown very small, with a heavier influence of one type of RPer. Looking outside of your usual spaces and muse preferences might be necessary. It's always uncomfortable to step into new things, but it could be rewarding in more than just slowing down this problem for you!

In any case, some fandoms, and corners thereof in the case of huge ones, act as a transition point every now and then for RPers who have "graduated" from being minors in minor-dominant/intended fandoms. They're looking to move into more adult spaces, and while that is great, their experience isn't always the same as ours. Very few rules and maximum number of interactions seems to be a common issue there. If the fandom(s) you RP in happen to be popular with a new release of media recently, this might be a factor in what is happening. This can also be the case with "comfort" fandoms that have a mix of adult and minor RPers that they used to RP in or love the material within, so, they are now returning to it.

Absolutely no fandom to RP in is without its issues, but there are areas of the larger ones that are predominantly adult, experienced RPers, and some fandoms are all around that way. You might want to consider checking out other places of interest to see if you can find a group of people who are little more serious about rules, and if you do, making a crossover verse for your muse to participate.

Other than trying to find those more on the same page...

Some RPers like to use a password, but the issue you're having isn't that you need to know muns have read them. You already know they haven't. Putting a password in your rules isn't going to make anyone read them, so, I don't know what the point would be in you doing so.

If that is something you'd like to do, of course, you can. You should know it can be a bit of a perennially hot button issue, however. Some muns are extremely for them, some are outright volatile about others having them. Personally, I've had people quote pieces of my rules and talk about them with me, clearly having read them, but this did not stop them from doing a variety of things breaking those rules. I do not see that adding a word or phrase would be any different - people are either going to read and adhere or they're not going to. So, it isn't something for me, but if it makes you feel like it is added security, you should go for it!

You could have in your rules (that they won't read, but it's good to do anyway) that if someone follows you without you following back to become mutuals, you will softblock to force an unfollow from now on. Or, if they aren't mutuals with you and try to interact on posts, you will hard block them from this point on. Then, obviously, do that. If they're not going to read your rules like this, you're not missing out on anything or being mean by enforcing your boundaries. They were warned in the rules they wouldn't read. This would at least stop the same people from trying it repeatedly.

This is such an annoying issue, and a little more, really. If they're not reading your rules while trying to start up interactions with you, who has not read theirs or has read them and do not feel alright about the situation, both sides of the equation could be exposing each other to things they need and want to avoid. It's really not cool, and I'm sorry that people are being so disrespectful. Try to figure out where they're coming from and plug that hole, handle the ones that are doing it with a block. I hope you find something that helps some!

#answered #anonymous #rp problems #rp advice #rp rules #mutuals only #mun interaction #queued

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briusami · 7 years

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U.P.: Sekakoi is overrated. I haven't been up to date with the manga and just recently read the last 4 chapters of Nostalgia and it feels like I didn't miss out on anything. Nakamura's manga are repetitive, JR as well, but Sekakoi takes the cake. It feels like Nakamura's not really motivated with Sekakoi and putting more effort into JR if that makes sense? (although this time we only got Junjou Mix but I really didn't mind that)

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

Alright so, it should be kind of obvious why I put this under the strongly disagree category but I am going to go through this post piece by piece and describe why I have a different opinion.

Sekakoi is overrated.

I know some people call it by this instead of just Hatsukoi or Sekaiichi or whatever, and that’s fine but for this sake I am just going to use Hatsukoi. So, when it comes to Nakamura’s works, I would definitely make the claim that Romantica is much more overrated than Hatuskoi. Some of you guys might gape at that, considering this blog is largely Romantica and hardly has anything to do with Hatsukoi, but I have to say that when it comes to the writing between the two series, there is a huge difference.

Obviously Hatsukoi was created after a few years after Romantica - if my research doesn’t fail me it was either 3 or 4 years. So obviously Hatsukoi has had some time for Nakamura to develop her art style and basically has fleshed out with new ideas and characters. It is also of my opinion that Takano and Onodera’s storyline is one of the best-written narratives within the yaoi fanbase. I personally find that their development has had far better writing than several other of her pairings, even for the most part, Hatsukoi has done pretty well for itself, still remaining largely popular despite being a ‘sequel’ work for a much bigger fandom.

So in actual retrospect even if Hatsukoi is popular it still is not as popular as Romantica and possibly will never be as popular, but it still carries itself well for how it’s been doing.

I haven’t been up to date with the manga and just recently read the last 4 chapters of Nostalgia and it feels like I didn’t miss out on anything.

I feel like with this, you may have to think about how the timeline works when it comes to Nostalgia compared to other couples. With Nostalgia in particular as you said you read those last four chapters last, you have to realize that there has only been days between acts. Therefore nothing is really going to change that much from just four chapters. This isn’t Ten Count where one chapter could literally change the entire dynamic of a relationship.

Takano and Onodera’s relationship is basically the best and worst case for a manga slowburn. Obviously at this point in the manga they understand their feelings for one another and are basically inches away from mutual confession, but it still could be a little bit before we actually get there. Nakamura is making sure that she takes her full time with them, just like how she did with Misaki’s first confession and even that was short compared to the Nostalgia payoff, which of course makes sense considering Onodera had to work so hard to get off how Takano hurt him the first time, and such and such.

So yeah, it isn’t going to feel any different because it’s been literal days/weeks. Relationships take time in order to get to the best part.

Nakamura’s manga are repetitive, JR as well, but Sekakoi takes the cake.

I do agree with you that there are repetitive elements within both manga - a lot of the characters act eerily similar to others (Yukina to Nowaki, Yokozawa to Hiroki, Takano to Akihiko), and while they have those little differences, they can be portrayed around the same with their personalities. This, I do agree with.

However I think that the Romantica manga is much more repetitive with its flaws than Hatsukoi is. For starters, the Romantica manga doesn’t really have as firm of a storyline as some of the couples in Hatsukoi. Nostalgia has the benefit of a timeline, and a pace for the two characters to fall on in a year’s time. Romantica, for example, doesn’t have that - it’s completely free to run however it wants. Therefore it’s very likely that the jealous-trope will pop up more often since Nakamura has more freedom to incorporate side characters into Romantica without worrying about the length of the plot.

It has been getting better since Nakamura understands that Romantica needs to come to terms with the acknowledgement of Takahiro knowing about their relationship, so she has been sticking with that a lot more now that it’s inevitable, but before that it felt like at points she wasn’t sure what they was wanting to do to conclude the manga, so we will have to see.

It feels like Nakamura’s not really motivated with Sekakoi and putting more effort into JR if that makes sense? (although this time we only got Junjou Mix but I really didn’t mind that)

With this, you have to understand that Nakamura has specific deadlines for both sets of manga. She doesn’t really have too much of a choice which manga gets published over the other - or at least, I don’t think she does. If anyone knows whether this is something the mangaka can operate, please let me know. But anyways, she needs to be able to have a balance between Hatsukoi and Romantica content. I personally feel as though she does well with both series when it comes to updates and that we get an equal set, but maybe some people think differently.

Also, Romantica is by far the more successful of the two series. She probably feels more of an obligation towards Romantica because more people are interested in Romantica as a series (I actually remember one person who was a huge Romantica fan not know there was Hatsukoi, even when it was on its second season, and I was like wow).

So, Romantica would more than likely get the upper hand regardless just because it’s a bigger series that people gravitate more towards, it’s been around much longer, it has more content to its name (yes, yes, three seasons, and etc), and what have you. This doesn’t really mean Nakamura prefers one series over the other - I am sure she loves both regardless, but there is such a thing as strategy when it comes to this kind of thing, and manga has no exceptions.

This was really long, I hope I satisfied your opinion though.

send me an unpopular opinion

#sekaiichi hatsukoi #junjou romantica #romantica #nostalgia #answered

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