#I didn’t think I was gonna be able to play music but now I FULLY intend on being the annoying ass music kid at grandma’s/elevator/geyser | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

glassartpeasants · 9 months ago

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Run Rabbit Run .07

Yandere!Eustass Kid x F!Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, reader having vivid nightmares, reader having a crisis, Kid being the insane fuck he is, Tashigi and G-5 being real ones, little happy moments???

A/N: I will defend all of G-5 will my DYING breath. Only Marines that I don't hate

music playlist

tags: @rebeccawinters @iggy5055 @dairygrrl @childconnoisseur @menifire1092 @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @nerdgeekandeverysweet-blog @sydneyyyya

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10

~~~

You pace back and forth in the infirmary. The sound of your shoes hitting the floor was nothing compared to your speeding heartbeat. Nothing like this happened at all when you were with Kid. So why now that you’ve escaped, has it shown up? Why did this have to happen?

Biting your knuckles, you try to ignore the agonizing feeling in your gut. The universe obviously wasn’t done screwing with you if what you feared was true. Not to mention how it’d affect everything good going on in your life.

“Take a deep breath and sit down, okay? Stressing isn’t gonna help.”

“How can I not stress?! What if it’s exactly what we think it is? What if I really am…”

“Pregnant?” Tashigi’s voice cuts into your skin as soon as the word leaves her throat. It felt like a fresh stab to your heart. Hearing the word out loud only made the fear all the more real and strong.

“I can’t even hear the word without being nauseous.” Taking a seat next to Tashigi on the infirmary bed, you put your head in your hands.

“What am I supposed to do? I still have four months to get to Sabaody. Not to mention, I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my promise to you and Vice Admiral Smoker! A pirate on a Marine ship was pushing it, but a pregnant pirate on a Marine ship? He’ll probably dump me somewhere since I won’t be able to fight alongside you guys like I promised…” Tears start threatening to spill from your eyes as all the worst-case scenarios start playing through your head.

“Vice Admiral Smoker would never! Sure, he’s a little rough around the edge, but he’d never kick you off for something that you can’t control.” Soft tears slip from your cheeks as you listen to her words.

“Do you think the Straw Hats will take me back? I know you're a Marine, so your answer might be biased, but…”

“If they don’t, you can come back to G-5 and join the Marines!” You giggle slightly.

“If push comes to shove and they don’t take me back, you're gonna be stuck with me.” Tashigi smiles at you brightly, which makes you smile in return.

Yet there was still one cripiling fear that resurfaced and continues to resurface no matter how hard you try to forget it.

You remembered what Kid said when you told him that the Straw Hats would save you. The rage in his eyes, when those words slipped from your lips, made you fear for any future you might have that didn’t involve Kid. If he made a statement about the Straw Hats without a second thought, would he do the same to G-5? He’s violent in general, but you can’t imagine how violent everything would get if he got his hands on the people who helped you hide from him.

“What should I do though? What if I really am pregnant?” Tashigi was quiet as she thought about how to answer.

“Would it look like him? Have his facial features or hair? Could it look like me?”

“I don’t know. Only time will tell if or when the baby arrives.” You lay your head on her shoulder as you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“We’re stopping at an island tomorrow to gather supplies. We could go to the hospital there to see what the fully certified doctors have to say.”

“What about the bounty on me from Kid?”

“We can disguise you? I’m sure we can try to hide as many identifiers as possible.”

“I guess. Let’s hope that it works.”

~~~

Sitting still, you let Tashigi mess with your appearance. The two of you have been in her cabin for what felt like forever just to disguise you. She had you put on one of her long-sleeved shirts under your Marine uniform to hide the scars along your arms.

“What if we put a small part of your hair in front of your eye/scar to hide it? It’ll look a little weird, but it’d be less eye-catching than a bandage.”

“Alright, sounds good.” The two of you stand up and begin to make your way to the ship’s deck.

It was a beautiful day outside when you left her cabin. The sun shined down and watched you walk beside Tashigi as you passed the rest of G-5, who were getting ready to grab supplies. Your legs feel weak as you struggle to walk down the ramp. The sound of bustling passerby’s and the talking of the crew from behind you only makes your nervousness worse. The overwhelming feeling of anxiety swallowed you whole as you finally stepped foot off the dock and onto the green grass. Hearing your shoes glide against the grass for the first time since Sabaody made a small upturn of your lip. A tiny ray of happiness in the dark of your anxiety and fear.

“Look mom! It’s the Marines!” Looking to your right, you see a small boy and his mother. He tugged on his mom's arm to try and bring her closer to you and Tashigi. The boy held such a cute smile as he ran up to you.

“I wanna become a Marine! I can fight and kick pirate's butt!” His eyes held such a bright light that it was impossible not to be as smiley as him. Crouching down slightly, you watch as the little boy rolls on his heels.

“Is that so? Are you sure you got what it takes, little man? Are you brave enough to also fight the weather?”

“I’m brave! I’m not afraid of anything! The weather is nothing!” The little boy’s excitement made your heart skip a few beats. For a living being so small, he has so much happiness and life inside him.

“Tell ya what, come back in a few years, and we’ll be happy to have you join.”

“Why not now?” A cute pout played against the boy's face.

“To get stronger, of course! Plus, wouldn’t you miss your mommy if we let you come with us?” the boy turns around to see his mom smiling at him. He ran to her and wrapped himself around her. He said something, but it was muffled by his mother's clothes.

“Thank you for giving him a second of your time. I bet you guys are busy, so we should be off. Do you wanna say goodbye to the Marines, baby?” Lifting his face from his mother's clothes, he waves to you and Tashigi with the cutest smile.

“Byyee...” You both walk in different directions after waving back, the sound of the giddy child ringing in your ears.

“Said like a true Marine.”

“Best pirate Marine the world has ever seen.” You whisper rhyme, and it only makes Tashigi laugh.

“I think you’ll be okay (Y/N).” She whispered back, making you turn to look at her.

“Huh?”

“I think you’ll be okay. You seem good with children. Your caring personality really shows.”

“OH! Well, that's only one child! Plus, I might not actually be pregnant! The universe might have just wanted to scare me…” Laughing awkwardly, you think about what the doctor and their tests would say.

While making your way to the hospital, it seemed like you passed by every child on the island. Kids from 13 all the way to infants. All of them with happy parents giving them the love they deserve. The joyful giggles made a small smile crack along your lips.

Yet, it soon disappeared as you unconsciously put your hand to your stomach. All those children with happy lives with healthy caring parents. If you really were pregnant, the child’s life would be nothing like the ones living on this island. It’d be constantly on the run along side you. That can’t be healthy for a baby right?

“Looks like we’re here.” The big sign saying ‘HOSPITAL’ made you swallow the lump in your throat as you walked through the front doors right beside Tashigi.

It seemed like everyone and their grandma was here today. Almost the entire waiting room was full. You get in line behind a man and wait for your turn as Tashigi goes and sits down. Once it got to your turn though, you feel your hands start to sweat.

“Hi, welcome to Halyard Island Hospital. What can I do for you today, Marine?”

“Oh, um, think I might be pregnant, but I want a doctor to check it out before I jump to any conclusions.” The receptionist started typing before she asked for your birthday and name. You start to internally freak out before remembering that you don’t have any records on yourself. Why not just give her a fake name and date of birth?

“(....) (......) is my name and my birth date is (.........).”

“Alright, you're good to go. Have a seat, and the doctor will be with you as soon as possible.” Giving a small nod, you go sit next to Tashigi, who has started to read a magazine.

“What are you reading?”

“Judging the ugly fashion choices.” You let out a snort, hearing her words.

“Didn’t know I was in the presence of a fashion designer. Mind if I judge with you to learn your skills?”

“I’m feeling generous, so I guess I can take in an apprentice.” The two of you laugh as you look down at the magazine. It was refreshing to have a small burst of silliness instead of fear and panic.

It felt like twenty minutes before your ‘name’ was called. Your heart beats against your ribs as you and Tashigi follow the doctor. The world seemed to spin as you walked along the halls. The familiar nausea you’ve been having coming back.

‘My luck is nonexistent.’ Holding the wall, you try to walk normally. Thankfully, Tashigi notices and helps you walk to the room. Once entering the room, you sit on the paper-covered bed as Tashigi sits on the chair next to it.

“So it says you think you're pregnant but want a doctor to confirm it?”

“Yes.” Sitting down at the computer, the doctor starts to give you a check-up.

“When’s the last time you had intercourse?” You can feel your face burn, and Tashigi lets out a snort.

“Two or three months ago? I believe?”

“Did you have your cycle during that?”

“Mine can be irregular, so I thought nothing of it at first, but it’s been a week since it should have started, and nothing has happened.”

“Okay. Any symptoms? Nausea, fatigue, frequent trips to the bathroom, weird food cravings, body ache, anything like that?” Listing them out, the doctor said them in the most calming way. She’s probably dealt with people like you, coming and going all the time.

“All of the above, except for the food cravings.”

“Yet.”

“Yet.” You snap your head to Tashigi, who’s smiling at you while holding back a giggle as she tries to make you laugh. Even the doctor let out a quiet laugh.

“Well, we have tests that we can use cause while it sounds like you could be pregnant, it’s better to be sure.”

“What kind of tests?”

“Blood and urine. The urine one is usually more correct and takes less time.”

“Alright. That one, then.”

~~~

The doctor had left to bring the sample to the lab, leaving you and Tashigi alone again. You lay against the bed and stare at the ceiling.

“What should I do if it’s positive? The sea is no place for a child to grow. Especially the New World.”

“You have months to think about it if you are. Don’t overwhelm yourself, and think about it all right now.” Tashigi was probably right, but it still scratched away at your mind.

“Do you want to be pregnant?”

“No. If it was another man’s baby, then maybe. But we both know whose child it’d be if I am.” Tashigi stays silent and lets you talk.

“A child deserves a happy home. With loving parents. Not someone like me. I already have so much shit to deal with from what happened, and adding a child to the mix wouldn’t be fair to them. Having a mother who has problems all the way to the ozone layer.” Just as Tashigi goes to speak, a knocking interrupts her.

“The test results came back.” The doctor's voice had you holding your breath as your heart jumped in suspense.

“And?” Sitting on the edge of your seat, you both look at the doctor.

“It’s positive! Congratulations! Your gonna be a mother!” You knew the doctor didn’t know your story, so you're not mad at her happy news delivery. Instead of what felt like a punch to the chest, was an overload of feelings. To many to name, so all you can do is let the tears start pouring harshly.

Your sobs didn’t shock the doctor, so you thought she must have concluded that you were crying tears of joy. Which they definitely weren’t. Each tear felt like battery acid sliding down your skin. This was supposed to be a happy moment. This was supposed to be a moment shared with your fiance. You were supposed to be crying tears of joy next to them, happy that you can finally have a family with the person you love.

But once again, this was just another moment in your life ruined by the man who took everything from you. Even when you were away from him, he always somehow had a way to remind you that you're never free of him. No matter where you go, he’ll always be next to you. In your mind or in person was for the universe to decide. And now, it decided that it wasn’t done with you just yet.

~~~

Walking out of the hospital, you're silent as you walk next to Tashigi. The doctor had given you a bag of things to help you on your ‘journey.’ Little things like booklets on what to expect, recommended medical items safe for mother and child, things to watch out for, and more. Didn’t help she gave you a bag with a pacifier on it.

“You okay? You’ve been quiet since we left.”

“Just wondering what the fuck I’m gonna do. Not to mention when Vice Admiral Smoker finds out-”

“There's no need to worry. Everything will be okay.” Before you can respond, countless footsteps come running toward you. Looking up, you see some of G-5 rushing their way to the both of you. It caused a gust of wind to come rushing through and slightly move the hair covering your facial scar. Leaving it visible to the world.

“Shit.” You quickly try to cover it up and act normal, hoping no one saw you in your split second of weakness.

“Marines! What’s going on?”

“Pirates were seen sailing up to the docks! The others and Vice Admiral Smoker are there as we speak!”

“Alright, let’s go take them down! Contact the others and tell them we’ll be there as fast as we can!”

“Right away-” The Marines stop their words as their eyes train in on the bag in your hand. You can see the gears turning in their heads before it finally clicks. They all gasp and point to the bag like children.

“Stop pointing! We’ll talk about that when we leave the island! Contact Smoker!”

“Uh, right! Yes, Captain!” Everyone, including you, started running towards the docks to back up the Vice Admiral.

~~~

You don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve been staring at yourself in the mirror, but it was enough time for you to grip the edge of the bathroom sink and try to calm your breathing.

It was difficult to look at yourself in the mirror. The person staring back at you wasn’t someone you recognized. The scar that covered your face laughed at you endlessly, as well as the ones on your arm that were currently visible while in your uniform.

You try to imagine yourself before the raid. Before the Straw Hats, before the scars, and before Kid. Would past you even know who you are? Would your fiance still love you if they saw you like this and were still alive? Still love you and all the mental, physical, and emotional damage you’ve received? And even after knowingly carrying another person's child despite it being out of your control?

Would anyone love you?

Who would want a broken doll when they can just buy a new one? Without all the cracks and damage it’s received along its journey? Not to mention, who’d want a doll with an ‘owner’ willing to kill anyone who touches what’s his?

People would be afraid to even get close to you, let alone love you. What sane person would dare love something that could get them killed? Why love something that can’t go one day without crying or trembling when a certain thing is said or done? Why love someone who carries the child of the devil himself?

The sound of tears hitting the sink brought you back to the present. Your breathing was ragged as you tried to calm yourself down so no one would hear your sobs. Biting your lip, you look at your teary face in the mirror. Your hands shake as your knuckles turn white from how hard you were gripping the sink. But even through your blurry vision, your eye caught sight of the bag on the counter that the doctor had given you earlier that day.

“This shouldn’t be how you come into the world. You should be able to grow up carefree with a stable parent. Not me, who can’t even go one night without waking up in a cold sweat from nightmares. A child shouldn’t have to move from place to place just to make sure his crazy father won’t kidnap him and his mom. I’m so sorry that I’m going to be the one you call mother. Please forgive me…” Quiet hiccups and sobs bounce off the walls and can be heard from outside the bathroom door. Even trying your best to be silent, your woeful cries caught the attention of your comrades.

“Man, this is kinda painful to hear. She’s being really hard on herself.”

“Never thought I’d feel bad for a pirate yet here i am.”

“What will those Straw Hats think?” Hushed whispers were exchanged among the Marines before all went silent as soon as a shadow of a man loomed over them.

KNOCK KNOCK

Wiping your tears and shoving down yoru emotions, you grab your bag before opening the door.

“Sorry for being so long I-”

“Is it true, rookie?” Vice Admiral Smoker’s voice made your stomach drop. Did Tashigi tell him? Or at least tried to?

“Vice Admiral Smoker! I didn’t know you’d-”

“Is it true?” You looked up at him, and all you could do was nod as you tried to hold back the rest of the emotions you shoved away moments ago. But it didn’t matter. He could see your trembling lips and glassy eyes.

“So Tashigi was right.”

“I’m so sorry, Vice Admiral! I promise I’ll still do everything you want! Please don’t kick me off the ship! I’ll still fight in battles, anything you want I’ll still do!” Your begging only caused pity to fill Smokers body. Watching you beg for a simply a place of refuge confirmed that you were indeed pregnant. Normally, he’d never let a pregnant woman on his ship. A pregnant pirate nonetheless, but were you even a pirate? That ‘bounty’ ad wasn’t a government issued one, the whole world thinks almost everyone died on your island, including you. They basically have no record of your existence except the ad that Kid had put up for you. And based on what he’s observed, you seemed perfectly contempt when you lived as a civilian before everything went down. You simply feel like you owe your life to the Straw Hats. It’d probably be the same way if it was the Marines that saved you the first time. But they wouldn’t have let you get kidnapped again, but there was nothing that could change the past.

“I’m not gonna kick you off. You're not going out fighting pirates, but everything else will stay the same. Not going easy on you just cause you're pregnant.” He could see the relief fill your eyes at his words.

“Thank you so much! Thank you, thank you!”

“Now quit your crying and go to the dining hall. Foods done.” Sniffling a bit, you smile as you make your way to the dining hall. While it didn’t soothe all your worries, knowing you’d be safe here and Smoker would let you stay helped soothe those knawing thoughts.

~~~

The day was going great so far, no bad weater in sight, clear skies and the breakfast for the day was your favorite! You did have to tell everyone the news about your pregnancy and while it was hard, they all seemed very supportive. No one treated you differently after hearing the news which you greatly appreciated. The last thing you wanted to be reminded of was being pregnant. It’s easier for everyone in the world if it only stayed between you and G-5.

“Uh (Y/N)? Have you seen today's paper?” Another Marine came up to you with the paper in hand.

“No? Is something wrong? Did Kid up the bounty again?”

“Not exactly…” Handing you the paper, you open it with a questioning look. But as soon as your eyes scan the front page, they blow wide open.

“What?!”

~~~~

“Kid! Open the door!” The first mate of the Kid pirates banged on the metal door of his Captain's workshop. When the paper bird had delivered the daily paper, he expected the paper to be as bland as it has been the past few months. Same old, same old. That was until he looked at the front page of the paper. Instead of the bounty ad, there was a picture. A fresh picture of you.

‘Eustass Kid’s Darling, (L/N) (Y/N), Spotted on Halyard Island?’

He didn’t even read the article that accompanied it before making a dash to his friends workshop. This was finally a clue as to where you might be. Finally something to get Kid to shut the fuck up and prevent him from destroying more things in fits of rage.

“Fucking christ Killer! What do you want?!” As soon as the red-headed man opened the door, the newspaper was shoved into his chest.

“Look at the front page.” Scoffing, Kid uncrumples the paper, giving his friend a quick glare. But Killer could see the insane glee in his eyes when he read the front page.

‘The woman the entire New World has been looking for has finally been spotted! She was last seen leaving a hospital on Halyard Island disgused as a Marine! Unknown whether its a real Marine uniform or not. A gust of wind blew her hair away which hid her facial scar, making it visible for the world to see and identify her! Let’s not forget what she seems to have clutched tightly in her hand! Could this mean the cruelest pirate of the worst generation might be a father? Only time can tell.’

“Of course, it’s the fucking Marines who hid her! Always getting in my damn business. Killer! Set course to Halyard Island!”

“Already told Wire on my way here.”

“Good. Board and search any Marine ships we see on the way there. If the Marines are hiding her, then we can’t take chances and let them slip past us.”

“You do know what this means, right?”

“Yeah, I get what’s mine back.” Killer hit the back of Kid’s head.

“Ow! What the fuck?!”

“It means pull your head out of your ass! If it’s true, if (Y/N) is pregnant, that means you're going to be a dad. Any enemies other than the Marines will want to kidnap and hurt (Y/N) and your possible unborn child. We already knew the risks of putting out the ad. It's to let our enemies know that you have a weakness. But now she could be in even more danger when pregnant. We need to get her before she gives birth understand?” Rubbing the back of his head, Kid realized Killer was right. Your safety was in danger even more now that his enemies knew that you might be pregnant. Not to mention, what are the Marines gonna do with you and his child?

The thought of him being a father finally hit him a full force when he invisioned the moment he got his hands on you again. He’d get to see your belly grow with something the both of you created. The child would be the thing that keeps you with him forever.

~~~

“Do these journalists not have any souls?! Who would want to snitch on an escapee?! Truly heartless.” Tashigi rubbed your back as you cried into your hands. How could your luck grow so sour?

“I knew I shouldn’t have taken that dumb bag! Now the whole New World knows about this stupid fucking child!” Tashigi lets out a sigh.

“I’m sorry. It’s no one’s fault this happened except the person who took the picture. Not yours or the unborn baby.” Wrapping your arms around your tummy, you sniffle.

“I’m sorry. I just…This should be an experience I share with someone I love. I should be talking about baby things with joy and eating gross, a combination of random food, not fearing for my and the baby’s safety twenty-four-seven. I should be able to sleep without having nightmares about their father's eyes.” Tashigi stays quiet as she continues to try and soothe your troubled mind.

“What if they look alike? What if the baby’s a spitting image of him?”

“You’ll be able to turn them into something Kid isn’t. Make them kind and loving. Have them be the person Kid can never be. It’ll be like starting a new. They aren’t just Kid’s child. They’ll also be yours.” Rubbing your eyes, you nod in agreement, trying to convince yourself that what she spoke was true.

“You're right. Thank you, Tashigi.”

~~~

Hours later and your still thinkning about Tashigi’s words. How the small thing growing inside you wasn’t just Kid’s, it was yours too. You had the power to make sure that the insanity ends with Kid.

But even with her words, your heart and soul still burned in rage and sadness. Knowing that the child you thought you’d be raising happily with your fiance was in fact the offspring of satan himself. A product of lies and bloodied hands.

An eerie sense of lonliness surrounds you making yoru skin prickle and the tips of your fingers tingling. You run your hands along your upper arms to try and warm yourself, maybe to even stimulate a hug. Just something that could make you feel less alone.

Even though you have the G-5, you still felt like you were fighting alone. Why couldn’t you have just gone home and have your mom and dad still be alive? Waiting for you on the porch, your fiance running out from the house to pick you up and twirl you around. Kissing you repeatedly and crying out how much they loved and missed you.

Yet, even with all the crying, pleading, and denial, you know that you’ll never feel your fiance’s touch again. Never hearing your parents telling you how much they love you. You couldn’t even remember what they looked like or sounded like anymore. Cause all you see and hear is him.

Even in your day dreams he was there. Invading every part of your mind. You could be imaging how you used to dance with your fiance, only for kid to take his place. He’d grab you and hold you close while laughing. Forcing you to dance his macrabe seranade.

You could feel tears slide down your skin as you now realize its no longer your fiance’s touch that your body craves, it’s his. Those times where he’d envelop you in his coat while he held you. Times where his kisses were nothing but burns along your body.

Clenching your fists tight, you feel the feelings you tried so hard to destroy resurface. How can five months of amensia battle against two years of pure hatred? What did Kid magically do that made you fall in love with him? Why was there still that sliver in your heart that made you miss him? After all he’s done to you, why does your body still miss his touch? Why did your heartbeat quicken every time you remember how he gently ran his fingers through your hair when he was drunk and starting to pass out?

Curling up in a fetal position, you just silently cry yourself to sleep as you wished for the positive feelings for Kid would decay and disappear.

A low hum woke you open from your sleep as your eyes flutter open. The blur quickly leaving and you see a familiar room. A smile slips across your lips while you move your hand behind you. The feeling of silky hair touching your fingertips made you sigh as you softly started to run your fingers through it.

You just then notice the arms around you tighten and a kiss being placed on the crook of your neck.

“Morning, baby. Did you sleep well?” Groaning into your skin, you feel his words vibrate against your neck.

“Slept fine.” More kisses were pressed along your skin, which made your cheeks burn up.

“Dream about anything?”

“No.”

“Well, I dreamt about you.” Turning to look over your shoulder, you see amber eyes staring back at you. Red hair slightly brushing against your jaw.

“Better have been good.” You maneuver your body to the point you're facing him. Placing your hands on his face, you chuckle.

“I dreamt about kissing this pretty face of yours.” A red hue covered the man’s cheeks as he looked at you wide-eyed.

“Aw, Eustass ‘Captain’ Kid is blushing! You're so cute when you blush.”

“I’m not cute shut up.”

“No.” You started placing kisses on each freckle that adorned his face. The heat of his cheeks were hitting your lips as he lays there frozen. With each kiss, you couldn’t help but giggle. You wished you were wearing lipstick just so you could see his face covered in pretty (color) lipstick. When you pulled away, almost his entire face was as red as his hair.

“Sappy little shit.” Pushing your face to his chest, Kid lays his own on top of yours. Being surrounded by his presence only, you felt safe in his arms. You can feel him hug you a little tighter.

“I’m not going anywhere. No need to smush me.” Laughing, you kiss his chest, only for Kid’s arms to tighten around you even more. It started to hurt as you couldn’t move. His strong arms pressing harshly against your ribs.

“Um Kid? Your squeezing kinda hard and it hurts. Do you think you can lighten up a bit?” Instead of loosening his grip, Kid only tightens his arms around you more. It felt like a python was constricting you. The pressure felt like it was gonna break your bones.

“Kid! You're really hurting me! Please stop!” Pushing and squirming, you desperately try to escape Kid’s killing grip.

“How dare you think you can fucking leave me? Do you think I won’t follow you! Find you? You can never fucking leave me!” With your heart dropping to your stomach, you try to pinpoint his behavior. What the hell is he talking about?

“What are you talking about?! I’m right here! I haven’t left!” Just then, a SNAP could be heard, and a brutal pain was felt in your chest. He must have broken a rib cause the pain was unbelievable.

“I’ll kill everyone who takes you away from me. Those worthless Straw Hats and those puny G-5 Marines. No one takes what’s fucking mine.” More pressure is applied to your body, and it feels as if more bones are quietly cracking. It was starting to feel like your ribs were stabbing your lungs, making it hard to breathe.

“What are you talking about?! Who are you talking about?!” Fear coursed through your veins as you looked up at Kid. Your eyes widened, seeing the pure madness that swirled inside his eyes. With as much strength as you can, you try to use your devil fruit powers to electrify him just in hopes of getting him off. There was a quiet crackling before a loud ZAP was heard, and you see Kid jump back and fall to the floor off the bed.

Without a seconds waste, you jump out of bed and run out of the bedroom. Yet the second you open and close the door, your blood freezes at the sight your met with. Fire, smoke and black silouttes staring right at you.

“(Y/N)!” You didn’t have time to question. You had to run now. With fear coursing through your veins and electric static slithering along your body, you ran past the silhouettes and into the fire and smoke.

The heat and smoke made it difficult to breathe but the broken rib hurt more yet here you were running as fast as you can. It caught you off guard when you started hearing voices coming from the silouttes. No, not voices, screams. High pitched screams started playing from each direction. Women’s, children’s, and men’s screams were all around you. Not even covering your ears stopped the loud horrific screaming. It sounded like they were in horrific pain and agony. Begging to be free from this etneral hell their suffering.

“Running can only get you so far (Y/N)!” Still covering your ears, you try to zone out his words. The broken rib causes excruciating pain as you run away faster. Who was this man chasing you? Where was your Kid? This couldn’t be him!

A baby crying has you uncovering your ears and your eyes widening. In these flickering flames and deblilitating smoke a baby was crying! You move to the sound of the crying baby, hoping it wasn’t hurt. Running through the flames, you look desperatly, trying to find it before the flames got to it. The flames were already licking at your uncovered skin so you couldn’t imagine what it’s doing to a baby’s sensitive skin.

Finally you see a bassonett right in the middle of a ring of fire. Small hands reaching out trying to grab anything. Running to the bassonett, you bend down and quickly to see the baby in it. But the moment you see the baby’s face, your blood goes cold.

There was no face.

Watching in shock and horror as the baby continued to cry out. It had no mouth how was it crying? Reaching out with a shaky hand you gently touch the baby’s chunky finger. It wrapped it’s little hand around your finger and you could hear it’s cry’s start to stop.

The heavy sound of Kid’s footsteps quickly reminded you of your situation. Without another thought, you grab the bundled up baby and begin to run. The cries soon resumed as you run through the fire and smoke. The screams of the silouttes got louder with every step you took. You tried to cover the baby’s ears to protect it from the screaming.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, no need to cry, little one. We’ll be okay, alright? You’ll be okay.” Five fingers touched your scalp before the burning pain of your hair being pulled surged through your body. You were pulled back before falling on your butt. Opening your eyes, you try to see if the baby is okay, only to see it’s gone. Not in your arms, around you, and now its cries were gone. Like it never existed.

“Caught you, princess. Now let’s go.” Now it was your turn to scream as you tried to untangle his fingers from your hair.

“No! Let me go! Why are you acting like this?!” You feel Kid lift you to your feet, making you look up at him with watery eyes and a trembling bottom lip. He gives you a grin before responding.

“Oh, princess.” Moving his mouth to your ear, he whispers,

“I’ve always been like this.”

Your eyes blow open as you wake up in a cold sweat. Quickly sitting up, you move your head back and forth, preparing to see smoke and flames. Yet, to your delight, you were just met with the rest of the G-5 Marines, sleeping in their bunks peacefully. Placing your hand over your heart, you can feel your heart beat faster than ever.

With shaky breaths, you lay back down and stare at the ceiling. You’ve never had that nightmare before. Could it have to do with that you now know your pregnant you’ll start having more of those kinds of nightmares? Nightmares including a baby? Would the baby even have a face in the next dream? You didn’t know and didn’t want to know.

~~~

“I’ve never felt so much mischief fill my bones than right now.”

“It is pretty cool and funny.”

“Pretty funny and cool? It’s fucking awesome! I’ve got actual finger guns! Except they shoot electric shocks instead of bullets.” While training with Vice Admiral Smoker, you pretended to shoot a Marine who was passing by with your fingers, only for a shot of electricity to actually come shooting out of your fingers.

Smoker, you, and the Marine all stood there for a second to try and comprehend what happened before you started hyping yourself up for finding a new move you have. It has you counting how many moves you had and what names you should call them.

“Okay, so I have a move to cover my entire body with electricity. I’ve been able to make a ball of electricity when I focus hard enough and throw it. I got finger guns…and that’s it.” You thought you had more, but you just proved that you still have lots more to learn about your devil fruit capabilities.

“Try making one of those electricity balls you were talking about.” Smoker's voice breaks through your inner thoughts.

“Of course! I’ve only done it once, so forgive me if it’s bad.” Taking a deep breath, you try to focus all your energy into your hands. If you did it once, you can do it again. Breathing in heavily, you feel the familiar tingling in your fingers.

Sizzling and snapping ring across the deck as you watch your hands do the same thing they did that night Heat told you, you had devil fruit powers. You can see your hands start to shake when the ball finally starts to materialize. Even with the ball being small as it is, it was difficult to make it stable. How did you do it so well the first time is unknown.

Just then, the ball exploded and the electricity shot out in all different directions. Thankfully no one got hurt but you immediately felt bad for putting other people in danger.

“Oh my god, is everyone okay!? I’m so sorry!” Smoker only crossed his arms.

“It’s fine. You might be able to make that a move, but it’s also dangerous to do around people. So practice that alone and do it when you're surrounded by enemies.” Nodding, you look down at your hands and see red burning lines along your skin. It must have been one of the downsides of your devil fruit. But the sound of a squawking paper bird has you looking up. The second you looked up, today’s paper came falling down before hitting you straight in the face.

“Ow! Damn bird!” Rubbing your nose, you grab the newspaper off the ground. Giving the bird the finger, you open the paper, and horror washes over you the moment you read the title.

‘Halyward Island Ransacked and Burned to Ashes by Kid Pirates!’

“What?! No way…” The picture that accompanied it was ruined buildings and smoke still fizzling from the ashes. Its monotone colors make the horror from the singular picture more gut-wrenching.

‘After recent news about Eustass Kid’s darling being spotted on Halyard Island, it seems the man himself decided to make an appearance to take back what’s his. But unfortunately, it seems his darling has already left the island! Some surviving islanders are mad that she came to the island while some don’t blame her. It’s a 50/50 split among the survivors. Will this be a one time thing or will any island be in danger if she’s spotted there?’

Lowering the newspaper, you look down at the ground with tears running down your eyes. You were completely silent as the tears slipped across your skin. Your hands shook as your horrified look tipped off Smoker and the Marine. It didn’t hit you that Smoker had taken the paper from your hands before you heard him cuss.

“What the fuck is this shit?! Ain’t no way they're blaming you for a pirate's insanity!” You see Smoker ripping apart the newspaper before throwing it overboard. He walked over to you with a stern look on his face.

“Listen here (Y/N), what happened on Halyard Island is not your fault. Journalists are all freaks who feed off the misery and suffering of others. Now tell me it isn’t your fault.” Letting out a few sniffles and shaky breaths, you repeat it back to him while wiping your tears.

“...it’s not my fault…”

“I didn’t hear you!”

“It’s not my fault.”

“Again!”

“It’s not my fault!”

“And don’t you forget it! We’re done for today.” Just like that, Smoker turns around and walks away. Leaving you and the Marine there.

“He’s right. It’s not your fault.”

“I should know that, but the guilt is killing me. It felt like I was looking at a picture of my home.”

“Maybe take a nap? Sleeping always makes me feel better, even if it’s just for a second.”

“I guess…” You rub your upper arm to soothe yourself as you make your way to the bunks. While being alone sounds nice to hide and cry, it also sounds horrible. It’d leave you with your toxic thoughts as the words on the paper replay in your mind every single second. You fear how true it was as you remember the little boy who came up to you. Was he okay? He was so sweet. You hoped he knew it wasn’t your fault.

When you made it to your bunk, you collapse on the bed and hold your stomach. A heartbreaking feeling overcomes you as the thought of the little boy getting hurt. He was a simple child, he shouldn’t have to deal with such destruction. Looking down at your tummy, you let out a shaky breath.

“Why can’t I accept it’s not my fault? I even tried disguising myself. If it wasn’t for the small gust of wind, then that island might still be okay.”

“I keep thinking about you and this whole pregnancy thing. I won’t lie to you. I’ve been thinking about once you're in the world, I was gonna put you up for adoption. It’d be better for both of us. I haven’t even met you, but I know you deserve a normal, loving home. A place where you can grow up without worries. A place you can grow up without me.” Your body begins to shake as more tears soon blur your vision. Biting your trembling lip, you try to collect yourself.

“I can’t take care of you. Not when I feel like I’m about to break down any second. I hate your father and want him to keel over and die. My hatred is something I don’t want you to grow up surrounded by. I want you to love the world. You could even try to change it for the better.” The silence after your words makes you let out a pitiful giggle.

“You're not even the size of an oreo, and yet I’m talking to you like you can hear me. God, I probably look so crazy talking to myself. Maybe I am crazy, maybe this is all a dream, and I’ll wake up at home. That’d be insane, huh? Everything I’ve ever known in the past two to three years just gone. And that's another reason why I cannot be your mother. I want that. I want this hell to be a dream. I want to go back to my home. Wake up and realize that this never happened.”

“I cannot be the mother of a child I dream doesn’t exist. I do hope you understand in the far future, why I’m making this decision. Please don’t hate me for it. I just want you to have a childhood so loving that your smile lights up a room. That even the worst of the worst can’t ignore or harm you in any way once they see your smile.”

“And while that smile is not something I can give you, know that I don’t hate you. I just know this is best for you. And what’s best for you…isn’t me.”

~~~

Another art piece lets gooo

#one piece x reader #eustass kid x reader #eustass captain kid x reader

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rdiowx · 1 year ago

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Kinktober day five

Gerard way and kidnapping

Warnings!: dubcon, kidnapping, blowjobs, restraints, reader is lowkey delusional..

Reader parts not mentioned nor is the gender, didn’t feel like writing full blown sex rn.

Not proofread

Again, was supposed to be out yesterday but it didnt want to post

Right now you were currently sitting on the floor of your basement, leaning your head on your lovers thigh. He was tied to a chair, he didn’t know he was your lover but you were determined to show him. It didn’t take you long to notice the tears brimming his eyes, you couldn’t take your eyes off his face. “Whats wrong honey..?” You tilted your head in question. He didn’t answer trying not to look in your direction. “I asked you what was wrong.” You tried again, your grip on his thigh tightening a bit as he whimpered. “Are you gonna let me go?” He whispered, tears sliding down his cheeks. You looked confused at this, looking up at him like he had just asked you the most difficult math problem in the world.

“Why would i ever do that..we are in love aren’t we?” You asked, leaning up on your knees to look at him. “I think…that you just need a reminder!” You continued, crouching to kiss the tears off of his cheeks before he whipped his head away from you. You sat down on your knees again,practically drooling with excitement as you eyed his cock from inside of his pants. “Hey- what are you doing? Don’t do that!” Gerard panicked as you looped your fingers in the waist band of his pants and started pulling them down, you didn’t listen, wanting to get his pants off to get to his boxers.

You whined as you saw his cock through his boxers, you couldn’t stop yourself from kissing it you felt it twitch as you did so causing you to look up at him. A smile was on your face as he looked down at you, his cheeks flushed as sweat dripped down his forehead you could feel him growing harder under your hand. “See its not so bad..” you told him as he let out a whimper, his thighs shaking in anticipation. He wanted you to touch his cock so bad, who were you to deny his needs? Sliding your hands up the sides of his thighs you made quick work of taking his boxers off, revealing his cock to you.

You could’ve drooled right then and there, his cock looked so pretty right in front of your face. You couldn’t help yourself from taking the tip into your mouth, Gerard letting out a surprised moan from above you. You could do this forever, swirling your tounge around the head gerard accidentally bucked his hips into your mouth causing you to have to hold his hips down. “S-orry..” gerard whispered, voice cracking from above you. You chuckle after you’ve slid your mouth off of him. “Its okay.” You reassured condescendingly before taking his cock back into your mouth, fully this time.

You would’ve came in your pants from the noises he was making, all the whines and groans sounded like music to your ears. “You sound so pretty gee.” You teased as you jerked him off, he thanked you his voice shaking as he got closer to cumming. “You gonna cum soon?” You whispered teasing him as you played with his cock. He only nodded, not being able to form the words to tell you. “Good.” You smirked as you put him back in your mouth, teasing the head with your tounge once again, you wanted him to cum in your mouth. You could tell once his moans increased in volume he was gonna cum so you sunk deeper onto his cock with your hands on his thighs as he released into your mouth.

You swallowed all of it, pulling off his cock and kissing his face. You untied him from the chair, knowing he was too dazed to try and get away from you right now. Taking him upstairs, you both got into the shower. You could tell something was bother him. “Whats wrong..?” You asked, running your hands through his hair. He stuttered at first before pulling himself together. “Can i return the favor.. please?”

#kinktober 2023 #mcr x reader smut #mcr x reader #gerard way x reader #gerard way x reader smut #kidnapping ☝🏽

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certifiedlovergirlsstuff · 1 year ago

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spidergirl and the cowboy

pairing: chad meeks-martin x female!reader

WC: 2K

warnings: men being gross (reoccurring in my party scene fics), cursing, drinking. should be all.

summary: being nosey has its perks

A/N: take this. idk just take it! gonna try and write some fics for chad cause he fully deservers them just as much as ethan!

@alecmores 💕

in the drafts since may28

masterlist / chad meeks-martin

lights flashed in colors of blue then red and green. the floor vibrated from the deep bass of the house speakers playing pop or rap music. you could feel the sweat dripping from your temples and your neck as it slid down your skin and further into your costume. your red solo cup in hand splashed a bit of liquor staining the red and blue of your suit, but you weren’t paying it any mind, too pulled into the music and rhythm to care about anything other than the good time you were having.

an arm slipped around your waist and pulled you flush against a chest. you gave a light gasp but didn’t think too hard about it, just wanting to enjoy the moment of college life. your bodies swayed together, the mystery person’s breath hitting your neck. you could feel their lips grazing your pulse point and feel their hand trailing up to your chest.

alarm bells rang loudly in your head.

chad was doing shot after shot with ethan in a corner by the kitchen. his face would scrunch from the strong burn of vodka sliding down his throat. a hand clapping ethan hard on the back causing the poor boy to cough from the liquor and slap.chad looked around the crowded kitchen. a few people leaning against counters as they chatted with cups in their hands and a couple being gross and handsy as they devoured each other's faces. chad grimaced.

“you just wish you were doing that with y/n.”

chad’s brows shot up as he twisted his head to look at ethan who held a bit of a smirk to his mouth. “why would i want to do that-“ he pointed an accusing finger to the couple “-with y/n?” he scoffed.

ethan stared him down, “cause you like her. very obviously might i add from all of us.” he shrugged.“what- what do you mean, all of us?”

again ethan just stared chad down, “your sister, her girlfriend. the carpenters, me and quinn. that’s our whole friend group, so everyone.” ethan took a sip from his cup and soured.

chad rolled his eyes and looked around for- “actually, have you seen y/n since we’ve been here?” he just remembered that you split from the group once everyone got drinks. chad’s been mostly by ethan’s side the whole time trying to get him ready to talk to some girls tonight. he would see tara walking by now and then, and he knew that mindy and anika were sitting on the couch.

ethan’s checked his surroundings and from his vantage point, he could see you dancing with some guy that was way too close for comfort. and he was able to see how you turned in the guy's hold and pushed at his chest which did nothing.

“oh shit.” “what?” chad grew panicked. ethan pointed you out and when chad saw the situation, he jumped into action.

“back off, dick,” you grumbled as you weakly pushed the guy in his chest. all he did was stumble and move closer with a wicked smirk.

“what? don’t wanna have any fun?” his face leaned in close and you had to lean back to avoid it from touching yours. “not with you.”

you tried to get him to back off again. shoving or even blatantly telling his drunk ass to fuck off, but he didn’t listen. your head swiveled like an owl trying to find any of your friends for help, and you heaved a shaky sigh of relief when you were able to spot ethan’s cardboard outfit.

“my- my boyfriend is- is in the kitchen. so back off.”

the douchebag didn’t understand a single word coming out of your mouth since he just pulled you in closer and let his hands wander further to places you didn’t want him to touch.

“hey!” the both of you looked up and saw a fuming chad. “pretty sure you heard the lady. back off.”

chad was able to move you away from the drunk guy and behind him. both of your hands gripped his arm to keep him close, worried about the scene he might cause.

but you saw the way the frat guy eyed him up and down with a cocky smirk, “well howdy cowboy. didn’t realize miss spider girl was taken.” he hiccuped, “your fault for leaving her on her own.”

chad gave him a shove to the shoulder with his left hand, “you should learn to leave girls alone when they tell you to fuck off.”

“chad, chad.” tugging his arm for attention. his fierce eyes softened at the pleading look on your face, “let’s leave. go back to your dorm.” you were tired of the party anyway.

chad let you lead him away and led you towards the front door with a hand on your lower back. once the cool october night air hit you in the face, you took a deep breath and let your shoulders sag.

“oh shit!” chad became alert again, “we didn’t tell the others we were leaving.” chad sighed at your concerns.

“i’ll text the chat and let them know. also pretty sure ethan saw us leave.” you nodded at his words and without a thought, you waffled your hands together. you looked up at chad to see if you crossed a line, but he held a pretty smile and led the both of you away from the house and back towards the campus.

“thanks again…for saving me.”

“it’s no problem. i would do it again in a heartbeat.”

you watched chad as he put his key into the locks and pushed the door open. he moved out of the way for you to enter first. the walk from the party to his campus apartment cleared your head of alcohol significantly and you just deeply wished for sleep to pull you away from reality.

“do you want anything to eat or drink?” chad threw his woodsboro letterman’s jacket on their couch. at the mention of those two things you’ve been lacking for a few hours, you could put sleeping off for a few minutes. already having been acquainted with the layout of the place, without a word you grab a cup and fill it with water. you start to chug until it’s empty and your panting from the thirst quench. getting a second refill and grabbing their large bag of goldfish, you left chad behind as you walked to his room.

you move effortlessly around chad’s space. cup and bag on the nightstand as you move to his closet and search for suitable sleepwear. “please. make yourself at home.” you heard the sarcasm but when you faced the doorway, he leaned against the opening and just looked…content. happy.

“if you want me to move in, all you have to do is ask.” flirty banter slipping. you were about to backtrack but chad spoke first. “well i’d ask, but it is a bit cramped. you know, having to either share a bed with me or ethan. or the couch if you please, but it’s definitely more uncomfortable than these twin beds.”

your body froze in place as chad strutted closer. his straw hat sitting between his shoulder blades and he had a finger hooked in the two front loops of his jeans. your cheap spider-man suit felt like it was sticking to every part of your body and you wanted the zipper down.

“can you… can you…” turning your back to chad and moving your hair out of the way.the air shifted as chad got closer and your breath hitched when you felt his fingers skim over your neck as he reached for the zipper. he teasingly took his time as he pulled it down, lower and lower until it stopped and your back was revealed. you grabbed a shirt and some gym shorts before heading to the bathroom.

palms holding you up, you looked in the mirror and gave a few breaths to steady your pacing heart. stripping the sweaty suit and into loose clothing, you walked back to chad’s room to see him also in different clothes.

“i’m gonna- i’m gonna sleep on the couch and you can have my bed.”

“are… are you sure. i mean, i’m fine with the couch.”

chad reached for your hands, “no, no. it’s fine. it’s been a long night and i can tell you’re tired. i want to wait up for ethan anyway.”

rolling your lips, you just nodded your head as you gently squeezed your conjoined hands. you didn’t step away, chad didn’t pull away. both of you detail the features that design the faces you love so much, eyes falling and staying on tempting lips.

“i should… i should let you get some sleep.” chad whispered. it took five seconds which felt like hours before he took his hands back. you don’t know what you were thinking or if you were even thinking. all you did was whisper chad’s name before he could leave your side, and start to lean towards him. you were planning to kiss him, it felt right at the moment. the tension was there, the both of you gazing at each other and staring at lips just begging to be touched.

just an inch or two away from his lips… his cheek. chad moved his head to the side and you landed on his cheek instead of your intended destination. motor functions moving slowly due to the liquor, you pulled away. “i’m uh… i’m gonna sleep now.” a nervous chuckle as you moved around chad and flung yourself into his sheets.

“good night, y/n.”

“good night, chad.”

when his door closed, you groaned lowly to yourself, bedding thrown over your face. “stupid, stupid. of course he wouldn’t want to kiss you. just drunk and mixing signals, that’s all.” a few beats of silence until you groaned again and forced yourself to sleep.

“so… you’re a wimp.”

chad’s spoon of cereal stopped in mid-air at ethan’s words. “no i’m not. i wasn’t gonna kiss her when she’s been drinking.” sinking the metal into his mouth and chewing the food and drinking the milk.

ethan paused, but then nodded his head. “very gentlemanly of you, but she was the one who was starting it wasn’t she? so it is obvious that y/n likes you!” his voice was higher at the end and chad started to shush him.

“dude, keep your voice down. but look, that doesn’t mean anything.”

ethan’s head hits the table making a loud thudding noise, and bowls of food slightly shaking. chad just stared at his friend's dramatics while spooning more food into his mouth and chewing in thought. maybe you did like him…

“are you finally realizing that you like y/n more than a friend and thinking about when to tell her?”

chad narrowed his ethan’s at ethan’s stupid smirk. “no.”

ethan just raised his brows. “…yes.”

ethan fist pumped the air, “and mindy said it would be longer. i fucking win!”

chad once again, calmed ethan’s tone down so he wouldn’t wake you. “look, okay, i tell y/n i like her, and then what?”

before ethan could respond they heard a door opening and then footsteps that brought you into their kitchen-dining area. hair disheveled, dirty makeup coating your eyes, chad’s t-shirt rumpled with sleep. he thought you looked so cute, even with that morning pout.

the two boys greeted you but you didn’t say anything back. feet still carrying you until you stood beside chad, turned his head your way, and leaned down to connect your lips.

for about a minute it felt like you and chad were the only ones in the apartment. pretending you were already dating and this was something you just do every morning to greet your partner.

you pulled away first. eyes fluttering open with a look at chad. he looked stunned but that soon morphed into happiness. both of you smiling like idiots at each other.

“well, good morning, beautiful.” his voice rasped.

you sighed and walked away to the kitchen, “don’t call me that when it looks like i got into an alley fight with a cat and the cat won.” grabbing a bowl and the milk.

“that’s oddly specific, has that happened?” ethan asked around a mouthful of food.

“yes, ethan. it has.”

a beat of silence before both boys started laughing and you couldn’t help but join in the infectious glee.

a/n2: this was the only way i could end the fic. i know i know, it’s not my best.

#chad meeks #chad meeks-martin #chad meeks-martin x reader #chad meeks x reader #chad meeks imagine #chad meeks-martin imagine #chad meeks x female!rreader #chad meeks-martin x female!reader #chad meeks fluff #chad meeks-martin fluff #Scream VI #Scream 6 #scream 6 imagine #scream 6 x reader #scream 6 fluff #mason gooding #mason gooding imagine #mason gooding scream 6 #mason gooding fluff

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x--daughters-of-darkness--x · 11 months ago

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Evanescence, ‘Fallen’ | The Album Story

RS: Listening back, it is striking just how bold and ambitious it is for a debut album. Not many bands come out with a full choir and string section on their first album. Did you have to fight for those elements at all?

AMY: “You know, it helps when you have something that you really want to do that you’re gonna fight for. But that you have the ability to do. If I had a crazy idea of Gregorian chants or an all-boys choir, something that I couldn’t actually make happen, it would be a lot harder, because we’re gonna spend all this money on finding somebody to create the sound and then find the team. At least with choirs, specifically, in high school I was the choir president. I loved choir, I was inspired by a lot of that old Celtic and Latin hymn stuff. And I took Latin. So I was like ‘I’ll write it, I’ll do everything, all you gotta do is help me put together a small team of vocalists, it’s not gonna be that expensive’. We can make this happen. I think just having the moxie, or whatever it is, to go ‘I’ll put this all together, all you have to do is just trust me artistically’. It’s still a fight. It was harder to fight for real strings, because that’s just expensive. That’s just something that cost a whole lot of money. But to me, that was so key to what our sound was. The whole idea was that it was if a heavy band with riff-driven, pop hooks could get in a head-on collision with a dark film score. If it didn’t have that film score part of it, it would have felt like so much was missing. I do remember having a discussion with the label about ways we can make it sound real with pads and stuff – they’re better than they used to be. But I just always said ‘No, whatever it is, we’re on the hook for it. In the end, I promise we’ll get the money paid back. We have to have real strings. It has to be real’. And then we ended up with David Campbell who is one of the absolute best in the industry for that, and we’ve had a lifelong, career-long partnership now that I’m so grateful for.”

RS: The ‘Bring Me To Life’ demo was the first taste people got of this reissue. It’s remarkable how fully formed that track already was even at that early stage.

AMY: “There’s probably 10 demos of that song. The label had fixated on it and decided it was going to be the single we were going to focus on. So it was just constantly changing, we felt like we were in this demo forever. But they all happened over the course of just a couple of years. So the very first demo, before the chorus was what it was, I don’t even know where that is. I don’t even have that. It started without the rap but also the ‘Wake me up inside’ part wasn’t there. It was the verses and the chorus was like…I could sing it for you but that’s not going to translate into your magazine. But the one you heard that’s on there was sort of in the middle. That wasn’t the last one.”

RS: It is still the song we know, it just needs a few tweaks. It’s interesting to be able to see the process behind that.

AMY: “I always remembered that little sample in the beginning that became the piano part. That was always still in my head because we listened to it so many times before making the song. We wanted the piano so it would be like a film score starting out.”

RS: How big a role did your cinematic influences play in creating the album?

AMY: “We were really inspired by film and would go to the movies all the time. Part of that is just the age we were in high school. But it also felt like research – ‘Donnie Darko’, ‘Edward Scissorhands’. It was like I was really learning from it. My favourite part about film was the music, not so much the soundtracks, that’s great too, but the score is what makes you know how to feel. There is a whole sub story going on underneath. You are feeling things that are deeper than just the words and actions of the characters. So that’s when I started getting really inspired. I wanted to be in a band, but I would really like to score film and was going to school for that when we got signed.”

RS: ‘Everybody’s Fool’ is a track you have discussed a lot in the past. It seems to express some frustrations around the idea of fame and success but, again, it was written so early in your career. Once you found that success, did the song take on any new meaning for you?

AMY: “At the time, I was the teenager, a big sister, and my siblings were younger in elementary school. My two little sisters, who are very close in age, were in their boyband and pop girl moment. I was like ‘Oh my god, you guys are totally dumb. Listen to real music, I’ll show it to you’. I was always trying to influence them with Green Day, and Nirvana songs that didn’t have horrible things in the imagery. But at the same time, like they were going through this time where it was not just about the stars but school cliques and what you look like seemed like a really big focus. Who liked you, all that stuff, everybody goes through that. I think what I really wanted to say was that what I respect is authenticity. That should be the thing that we’re trying to win, not the beauty contest. Just be yourself. But then, strangely, soon after I found myself in the spotlight really fast in a really big way where you are on a stage for people to just look at you and talk about you like an object and that was hard. That was a weird time for me, because I was really young and really never bought into all that. But when it’s happening to you on a really large scale, you can’t just tune it out and leave the cafeteria. You have to actually face it – ‘There’s my career, how do I be the most of myself and show all the parts of myself that I really want to be seen and not be misunderstood?’ I just felt really misunderstood. But I think the lesson really is that you have to keep on, look at yourself, look at your real friends and the people around you that really know you. Remember who you are apart from it. It’s always been good for me to take breaks from this. I don’t think I need to anymore the way that I did. I know who I am. I know we’re gonna be here. But it was always important for me to step away and go ‘I’m not Amy Lee. I’m just Amy still’. I still have hold of my identity which is ever changing. It still has room to grow. I’m not stuck as that album cover picture forever, even though that is still a perception in probably millions of people’s minds. So you just have to give yourself the freedom to keep growing.”

RS: In terms of what may come next from you, how has looking back and reflecting on your early days affected how you want to move forward?

AMY: “I think it’s always a positive thing to remember your roots, even if it just means you’re going to branch really, really far away for them and do stuff that you’ve never done. I think you have to know who you are and know where you’ve been, because this is just the next chapter in that story. I’ve been doing that all year to where I just kind of never want to hear it again. Not really, but it’s definitely a little bit of what I said before about recognising those innocent moments where I’m not trying to be ahead of somebody’s criticism or anything. Write something without feeling any fear. That’s really sweet. I don’t know how I could recreate that. It’s hard to say because I dearly, dearly love our band, my guys and now Emma (Anzai, bassist). I’m most interested to hear what her new dynamic brings into the situation when we get together. I’ve wanted to be in a band with her for a really long time and it just finally worked out.”

#amy lee #evanescence #2023 interviews

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abitofboth · 3 months ago

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okay fuck it I’m gonna write detailed thoughts about cinderella’s castle even though I never usually do cuz like who am I to review something

first of all: PUPPETS!!!!! god, I am SO glad starkid puppets are back in action. I fully believe puppets should be used in theatre way more than they are now (the joey puppet in war horse is extraordinary) and the puppetry in cc was so reminiscent of starship to me- I’ve been craving the high of pincer and bug for YEARS lmao. when hop-a-lot came on stage I audibly went “oh shit”, crumb is a fuckin delightful little guy and I desperately need to hug him, and the troll puppets brought so much life to characters that I think wouldn’t have been as fun without them. the love that went into crafting every puppet is so easy to see and I really hope we get more of it from starkid in the future!!

I’m really happy to see bryce in a main role, she is a fuckin powerhouse!!! her voice is incredible and she brought such a fun spin to ella. I was lowkey worried it was gonna give off alw bad cinderella vibes but I shoulda had more faith, her character charms you as soon as she walks on stage!!

I’m also kind of a little obsessed with tadius?? curt in any role is guaranteed to take my heart but god, make him a lover boy and throw in a sprinkle of sass and I’ll just lay down my life for him. wish there’d been some more of the romance between him and ella!!

the trolls were also some incredibly fun characters. lauren and mariah killed it and like let’s be real, we were all rooting for them and their hot girl summer. what’s a little murder between friends?? angela was great and I loved the twist on the stepmother character that was way more interesting than the usual “she’s just kind of a bitch”.

jeff as the narrator was perfect but we all knew that was gonna be the case anyway. give him his cunty eyeliner and the man’s unstoppable.

joey’s voice work also deserves a special shout out!! every time he opens his mouth I’m giving him a standing ovation. what can’t the man do??

I didn’t love the character of the prince but ig that’s the point of him!! james played him so well and I really do think he’s so underrated as an actor. the physicality and comedy that he brings really makes him stand out, but I will say that the sex jokes got old pretty quickly for me lmao. it made him feel a lot more one-beat than I think they were going for

I reeeaally enjoyed the set and lighting of this one!! literally as soon as we pressed play, my sister and I were like oh shit okay I see your bigger budget mr lang!! and the COSTUMES!! loved loved loved them. Ella’s dress was beautiful and I’m really glad they went with something of their own design rather than try to replicate something disney-ish. it looks like they had a load of fun with the wigs in this one too which I always love to see!!

I thought kim, jon, and joey were, despite shining in whatever stage time they had, WOEFULLY underused. only one scene for kim, and I wish we’d have been able to spend more time with hop-a-lot and crumb- considering they were main characters it felt like we barely saw them. they had like, at most three lines in a song too? let them sing!!!

the music was also not what I expected! I didn’t expect it to be so synth-y, maybe more of a rock vibe from the small hints we had during production? I saw another review say it gave them 80s fantasy film vibes and I think that’s the perf description!! I really enjoyed all the songs and I always love being able to take in whatever jeff has cooked up. everyone was on their a-game as always with their voices too- bryce and kim were real stand outs for me. I do feel like the soundtrack is kind of forgettable though? usually after watching a starkid show I’ll find at least a few songs have earwormed their way into my head but right now I can only recall the opening/closing song. maybe that’s just on me though!

I also thought the general pacing was a little off and the story was maybe not quite ready. some parts felt rushed and some parts dragged a little, and at the end I was left still feeling a little hungry for something more.

overall I really enjoyed it!! I’ve been a huge fan of starkid for well over a decade and with each new show I’m blown away by their creativity and obvious love for the craft. I was so excited to see them move away from hatchetfield for now and jump into a different sandbox to play around with, and I’m SOOOO looking forward to the proshot version because I just know it’s gonna blow everyone away. I’m so glad they make such incredible theatre and do it in such an accessible way, and not to sound super cheesy but god is it great to be alive at the same time as them

(and really, nick lang I am begging you to make a crumb plushie)

#starkid #cinderella’s castle #millie talks

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scekrex · 6 months ago

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I found this cover song https://youtu.be/4yf0tEad5_c?si=7Fn8W4SKcMpAcBb4

And now I’m thinking of a bass guitarist flirting with Adam by serenading him, and Adam starts playing along on his own strings, turning it into a bass/electric guitar duet between the two. Basically replying that he’s into it without directly saying so. Like maybe it’s easier for him to admit in music form

Fuck, Adam's love language is music and no one can tell me different. Like him trying to talk about his feelings? He can't fucking do that. Singing tho? That he very much can do. Also changed the lyrics a lil to match em more

Slow Dance with You

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language

note: beta read by @drxgonspine

Adam and you were walking through the park that was located closest to the houses you and him lived in. You had texted him that you were gonna go on a walk to clear your mind and just as you had been about to leave, the first man had knocked on your door, stating that he would join you. There was truly no reason for him to do so, you did not need protection, not in heaven. But he had made it clear that you were either going with him or not at all and given that you and Adam were close anyway, it was fine by you.

But that was the thing that bothered you, that made your mind all messy and that had been the original reason for you to go on that walk in the first place. Adam and you were close, like best friends kind of close. That, however, was not how you saw him though, you longed for more, and it seemed that you had caught feelings quite a while ago, but it was Adam.

There was never a good time to talk about feelings with him. He was not good at providing comfort, he had never learned how to do that so you really could not blame the man, but that resulted in him avoiding serious topics of any kind because he did not want you to end up sad or hurt as long as he can’t fix that. So it was mostly stupid shit that was spoken between the both of you - which you did not mind, there was a reason why you had decided to stay friends with the first man at all. And yet the thoughts would not leave your mind.

The thoughts of how all you would have to do was to reach out and grab his hand, the thoughts that craved his lips on yours and his arms around your body, the thoughts that wanted to hear him say that he belonged to you and you belonged to him. But that was a pretty fantasy in your head you would never be able to fulfill, not when Adam kept avoiding emotionally heavy topics.

A sigh of frustration left your body and you tilted your head upwards to look at the shiny stars that were lightening up the night sky. That caught Adam’s attention, the first man turned his head to look at you as he spoke in a quiet voice, “The fuck’s up with you lately? You seem so-,” before he was able to seek a word for how you were feeling you finished the sentence for him.

“Lost. I know, it’s just my mind that keeps me busy.” The brunette walking next to you raised an eyebrow, now clearly curious about what’s going on inside of you, “That’s why you need a walk in the middle of the fucking night?” You nodded before your eyes met his, you instantly regretted looking at him. His golden eyes seemed to gleam in the night, they looked so warm, provided comfort without even trying and you found yourself lost in their warmth as you started to sing without even fully noticing what you were doing, “Slow dance with you.”

Adam’s face was drowning in confusion at your words and at the sudden change of vibe, but he was willing to see where this was going - at least it appeared that way given that he didn’t leave or interrupt you. He stayed and listened, did not flinch away when you gently reached for his hands to hold them in yours. His golden eyes stayed locked with yours, they were not leaving each other.

Not when this moment felt so… important to him, “I just wanna slow dance with you.” And slowly the brunette seemed to catch onto where this situation was going, yet his hands remained in yours and his eyes continued to observe yours. You pulled him in a little, making the height difference between you and him more noticeable - you were not that much smaller, only one head, but you were smaller and the closer you pulled him, the more noticeable it was. When you were almost chest to chest, you had to tilt your head up to properly look at him and you wanted nothing more than to cup his face and kiss his soft looking lips, claim them, claim him.

With a swift hand movement you made your beloved bass appear to strum its strings along your vocals. What made it even more ironic was that Adam had been the person who made you get back into playing the bass when he had looked for a bassist for his band. And the first man looking for a new member of his band - which you had been a huge fan of? There was no way for you to turn down such an opportunity. “I know that your pretty girls are tough and smooth,” and that was the problem, wasn’t it?

His girls.

You were not one of them, you were a guy, a guy who had dared to catch feelings for the most homophobic feeling individual in all of heaven - yet said homophobic individual kept sending you signals that you yourself would read as interest in you.

Interest in dating you, to be specific.

But then he would go back to rambling about how much pussy he had fucked over the weekend and said signals were thrown to the flames. “And I got the blues,” that on the other hand was true and you were just proving this line to be correct. Adam’s hands moved to your waist, pulling you in a little more before pushing you backwards and therefore away from him again. “I wanna slow dance with you,” you ended your little confession, waiting for the brunette to react.

He remained silent for way longer than it had been necessary, then he responded by continuing the song though, “I wanna slow dance with you,” he continued. Your eyes widened at his words, processing what he had just sung, processing what was happening as he made his electric guitar appear and picked up the tune you had been playing, only for you to join in with your bass, making the tune sound perfect. It took two to play the song you had started and both Adam and you were aware of that. “I just wanna slow dance with you,” the brunette continued as he wrapped his wing around your back before he pushed himself off the ground and stopped right above you, waiting for you to join him.

So you copied his movement and the both of you played the instrument of your choice as you climbed heaven’s ladder up higher. “Why don’t you take the chance?” It was both an invitation and a challenge that Adam offered, he wanted to see how far you would push, how greedy you were, would you risk throwing away your friendship? “I’ve got the moves I’d like to prove,” he took your hand, spun you and therefore caused your body to turn a full one eighty, your back was being pressed against his chest - or was it his chest that was being pressed against your back? You were not sure. All your body could focus on was the fact how close the first man was, how soft and honest his words sounded. His breath hit your neck and you were able to feel the grin on his lips as he continued the song, “I wanna slow dance with you.”

His arms wrapped around your body, due to how tight his chest was pressed against your back that was the only thing keeping you in the air, your wings were unable to move properly in that position and Adam was very aware of that as he placed a kiss against your jaw, causing a violent shiver to run down your spine which resulted in a clearly amused chuckle bubbling from the first man’s chest, “Fucking love the effect I have on you, babes.”

The pet name made your head spin, because what the actual fuck? Where was this softness coming from? Since when was Adam okay with liking guys? You had teased him about his queer vibes before, he had always stated he was not one of them queers and that pussy was the best thing ever. So this came as a total surprise, leaving you unable to respond. You felt his guitar and the bass in your hand disappear, then his arms around you tightened, “What’cha say if we go back to my place?” And all you found yourself able to do was to nod, because spending the night at his place sounded so much better than trying to process all of this on your own in your empty home alone. You would much prefer being in his warm arms, drinking a beer and laughing. Yeah, this was alright.

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lallouette · 6 months ago

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I saw The Outsiders musical last week and I’ve listened to the cast album a few times since it came out on Wednesday, and it’s so interesting how I’m still chewing on it. I’ve had the privilege of seeing a bunch of Broadway shows recently. One was just kind of bad and I forgot about it immediately. One was perfect, luminous, no notes, I gushed about it to everyone I know (Merry We Roll Along). This is the one I have the most thoughts about. It emotionally devastated me and a lot of aspects of it were really well done. Other aspects of it. . . I have thoughts about? Here are my not-entirely-sober, rambly thoughts about this show, beneath the cut bc this is gonna get long and no one asked for this (also spoiler warning just in case):

-I was able to buy into it, but it took me some time to get there. The first little bit had me skeptical. By the time they were at the drive in (fourth song) I was like, okay, I’m definitely down with this. The book also has a lot of exposition up front, but it’s a LOT of exposition in the show.

-I was wondering how they were going to handle profanity, given that the book has a lot of “he swore” and the movie is very tame on that front. They say fuck multiple times, which is. Very much warranted given the situations that they’re in but it did surprise me a little!!! Also somebody makes a reference to eating pussy in like the second song which was WILD

-I think they did really well with the character of Johnny, acting, directing, and writing wise. My greatest fear is that they would Tiny Tim or Beth Littlewomen him, given that he is quite literally Too Good For This Sinful World. But I actually think he felt more like a fully realized person than in the movie. Sky-Lakota Lynch did a great job of looking haunted not just with his face but with his whole body. He was always pacing or fidgeting or something, and that nervous energy worked for me. And then of course he’s very, very still. And the contrast is very upsetting. Also they put him in sunrise colors 🥲

-Speaking of Johnny and Ponyboy, they’re very gay in this. I never really got that vibe in the book or movie (probably because I was 11 and didn’t even know I was gay yet), but here they’re close in a particular way that reminds me of certain friendships I had before I came out. Fantasizing about running away and making a home with your Extra Special Best Friend is the gayest thing I can possibly imagine. There’s a DIFFERENT song that I have dubbed 2 bros chilling in a hot tub because they are gazing into each other’s eyes singing about how they’ll never leave each other, HANDS CLASPED OVER THE KNIFE THAT JOHNNY USED TO KILL SOMEONE TO SAVE PONY, but they are sitting as far apart as physically possible. If the intent was to make it look less like they were going to kiss then they failed.

-I went in knowing what they did with Dally’s death. And it works bc Dally in this is a completely different character. He feels much older, closer to Darry’s age, and he’s less loose-cannon-dangerous and more paternal toward Johnny and Pony. While book!Dally’s death is a final fuck-you to the world, this Dally is much more calculated about it. Thematically, do I think they should have changed the manner of his death? No. I think they should have engaged with the source material head-on, even if that scene is bound to take on different connotations now. Also Ponyboy has a monologue after Dally’s death that should have been cut down if not cut, make us sit with that

-Joshua Boone, who plays Dally, is FANTASTIC. His performance of “Little Brother” (breakdown song after Johnny dies) is so much more intense than what’s on the cast album. I want to see him in les mis, which is high praise from me. Beautiful voice, wonderful ability to sustain notes while also sounding like his world has just been ripped out from under him.

-they did cool stuff with lights and projections every time Ponyboy gets concussed! (Which is alarmingly often). The whole using lights/sound/projections to make the audience feel what the character is feeling reminded me of Curious Incident of the Dog In the Nighttime, as did the framing device at times.

-the choreography/staging is amazing. The church fire! The rain! The whole thing taking place in the lot!!! I could have watched 10 more minutes of the rumble.

-some of the lyrics are a little questionable. Love the book scenes! Love the music (I’m always here for a guitar-y folk ballad). But like. There is a scene where they dip into this almost recitative thing to describe how they just killed someone and I’m like ??? There’s so much dialogue in this musical, why is this not just dialogue. The songs are definitely strongest when they’re expressing inner thoughts/emotions instead of trying to advance plot.

-The Stay Gold song WORKS. Musical theater is truly the best visual medium for letters bc you can have the person who wrote it come out and harmonize with the person reading it and UGH. Now that I’ve seen it staged it makes me so much more emotional

-the way I’m tempted to go rush it so I can see it again. The brainworms are so real

#the outsiders musical #i genuinely cannot believe my level of emotional investment in this show. I listen to the stay gold song and my heart HURTS

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ssweeterthanfiction · 7 months ago

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Fresh Out The Slammer.

Content Warning: implied hook up (i literally struggle to write smut. idk why im so sorry guys 😭)

‘Why does this always happen to me?’ you thought as tears rolled down your face.

You caught your boyfriend- no, ex-boyfriend cheating on you with some random girl. You didn’t know exactly why you were crying. He treated you like shit and if anything you should’ve left him months ago.

He would always come home late, never take you on dates, be ridiculously obsessive and controlling of you and berate you for anything you did “wrong.”

But this is what’s been happening to you for a while. At least since you’ve broken up with Billy Dunne.

You had been with him in highschool but you both decided that it would be best to break up.

Billy was focusing on his music…and he was falling into an addiction, and you just wanted to focus on school and get your life together.

But that never stopped you from calling him every now and then. No matter what happened, it always seemed like you would go back running to Billy.

No one understood you like him.

Grabbing the phone you quickly dialed his number.

Truth be told, you hadn’t called him in a while. You didn’t know where he was, how he was…you didn’t even know if this was still his number.

‘Please pick up…please pick up’

“Hello?”

You felt yourself stiffen. You hadn’t heard his voice in months. You felt like you had cotton in your mouth. You didn’t actually think he would pick up.

“Billy?”

“Sweetheart?”

Oh god.

Not even a minute and he was already with the nicknames. But you weren’t about to start complaining.

“Billy, I know I haven’t called you in a while- and I’m sorry for that but I just- I need—“

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes”

“Y-Yea…okay”

You didn’t think he was gonna be so quick with his answer.

Line disconnects, and after 10 minutes, you hear a knock at your door.

Opening the door, you look up. He was wearing his signature, black leather jacket and black jeans. His hair was slightly more grown out then normal. He was wearing dark sunglasses despite it being night.

“Hey.” he says calmly.

“Hey…Come in”

He steps inside, his eyes lingering on you. He smiles at you and it feels as if time freezes, you felt like the only two people in the world. You had so much history together. After a bit of silence Billy speaks.

“It’s been a while…”

“Yeah, yeah it has”

You could feel the tension in air. It was so thick that someone could probably cut it with a knife.

He steps closer to you, just within your personal space. There’s also a hint of nostalgia in the air. He feels an urge to pull you into a hug and hold you tightly to his chest. He just wanted things to go back to the way they were years ago. He speaks quietly, not being able to keep his thoughts to himself any longer.

“I missed you…”

“I’ve missed you too” you say as you take a step towards him.

You were close enough that your lips were just inches apart. It seemed like you both were thinking the same thing, ‘do I risk it all again?’

Billy suddenly kissed your lips, there was no sign of hesitation or doubt. His hand gently moved behind to the back of your head and it felt so familiar. It all felt so…right.

Billy’s hand moved down from behind your head to your lower back and he moved you back until your back was gently against the wall.

The way he kissed you filled you with butterflies and your body felt warm all over. He moved even closer to you until his body was nearly fully pressed against yours. He kept kissing you until you both couldn't breathe, only then did he stop.

He stepped back slightly "Forgot how good that felt."

“I forgot too”

He smirks and kisses you again.

“Your room still in the same place?” he says smugly.

(IMAGINE THIS PART I SUCK AT WRITING SMUT IM SO SO SORRY😭😭😭)

You were both wrapped in your sheets, Billy held you in his arms as he played with your hair.

“I’m glad you called”

You turn your head to gaze into his eyes. “I’m glad you came”

He smiles smugly and plants a gentle kiss on your lips.

"I'll be honest" he lets out a soft chuckle "I knew you'd come back, it was only a matter of time..."

You roll your eyes and gently hit his chest.

“Shut up…don’t act like you don’t call me whenever you have a problem”

He laughs and squeezes you.

“Yeah…yeah you’re right”

He kisses your forehead.

“But you never complain about it”

You look up at him and smiles.

“And you’re right about that…”

You knew he had you wrapped around his finger. You knew that no one would understand you like Billy does. You knew that no matter how many shitty relationships you went through you would always run back home to Billy.

hope u guys liked this little one-shot! i’ve been so drained with studying for exams so i’ve been putting off the next part of wait for your love but trust once my exams are done and over with i will keep working on it :) ! (ALSO SO SO SORRY THAT THERE ISNT SMUT IT THIS, I SUCK AT WRITING IT)

#billy dunne x reader #billy dunne #billy dunne fic #djats fic #djats #djats x reader

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benkyoutobentou · 8 months ago

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31 Days of Productivity Reading: Day eight

Before: It’s already three pm and I haven’t even started this post. I read a bit of Natural Beauty when I woke up but haven’t begun my Japanese reading for the day. I went to rehearsal even earlier than usual and am currently sitting at a ramen place! They’re playing Yoasobi, it’s just like listening to my own playlist. Anyways, I may have gotten a bit emotional on the drive up thinking about rush hour on the Tokyo subway. There’s no worse fate than being an American 乗り鉄.

After: I actually ended up hanging around at the ramen place longer than expected because I liked their music that much. I just can’t leave when they’re playing 踊り子 and きらり. They weren’t busy either so I didn’t feel bad about loitering a bit.

And then the people next to me in the cafe were speaking Japanese! I’m way too shy to actually say anything but I rarely get to hear Japanese in the wild so it was at least cool to experience.

I ended up reading 199 pages today over an hour and 57 minutes with an average pace of 1.7 pages per minute. With that pace, I finished volume four of光が死んだ夏！I really enjoyed this volume, I think even more so than last volume. This series is one of my favorites, but last volume took me a bit to get into. I wasn't sure if I was fully on board with where the plot was going and I think part of my hesitation with that volume also came with the amount of time spent with characters that weren't part of Hikaru and Yoshiki's little circle (what I'm saying is, I didn't care about them as much). In this volume, though, I was totally on board with the plot progression and I'm really into the mystery that's being introduced! I knew something like the ending was going to happen based on the art that Mokmok Sensei had been posting on Twitter, but I totally forgot and was not prepared for that ending.

Also, I feel like this series has become something of a Japanese litmus test for me. Each volume I read seems easier and easier to get through, despite the Kansaiben. I remember really struggling with the first volume over a year ago, so it's great to be able to see my improvement just in my being able to finish a volume in less than two hours now.

On an unrelated note, I also finished Natural Beauty by Ling Ling Huang today! I won't talk about it much since it's an English novel, but I will say that I adored it and recommend it to anyone who enjoys literary horror. Although, this does open me up for now being able to start my next Japanese novel... I think that 独り舞 is gonna be the winner but I'll update you all tomorrow when I actually start reading something.

#benkyou posting #langblr #studyblr #30 days of productivity #booklr #polyglot #language learning #actually i think im gonna pull 独り舞 out now so its kinda decided #today was very much a ''oh you miss japan right? well how about NOW'' kind of day #take me back i miss japan so much #also i did (badly) edit the art in the photos because it had the shop name on it and idk if they only have one location

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rivetgoth · 10 months ago

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i just got top surgery, if you can could you tell me about the whole process for you? i dont have any specific questions i need answered

Omg congrats on your surgery first of all!!

And sure!

I’m not sure which specific part of the process you’re curious about but I’m gonna focus on aftercare and recovery since I assume that would be your main focus right now.

I got double incision with free nipple grafts and drains. The moment I saw my chest for the first time I just remember feeling this sort of contentment and relief. Like “Oh, this is how it’s supposed to look.” The hospital I went to required patients to stay overnight so my first ~24 hours post-op were in a hospital bed hooked up to IV. I’m extremely grateful for this because by coincidence (the overnight stay was already planned in advance) I had a bad reaction to the anesthetic. I was entirely safe, nothing scary, but it causes me severe nausea and exhaustion and I didn’t feel loopy at all, just absolutely awful. I didn’t really sleep at all that night, I lay there falling asleep in weird short intervals, waking up, needing to pee, then stumbling back to bed. At one point I walked into the bathroom and it was covered in blood. I was so drugged out of my mind that I couldn’t really process it, it felt like I was dreaming.

After that the healing process was pretty easy though. I was prescribed antibiotics for like 10 days, oxycodone for half that time, and some really strong ibuprofen. They also gave me one of those anti-nausea patches on the back of my neck. I struggled with a bunch of nausea for the first day after getting out of the hospital but never threw up. I was pretty functional right away. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this but within the first 48 hours out of the hospital I was walking a few blocks to the closest grocery store and carrying groceries back. Felt like shit but survivable. About 4 days post-op I took a train 4-5 hours north to see family on my own then was in a car for another 4ish hours back home a couple days later. Just took a shitload of oxycodone and ibuprofen and played video games and listened to music the whole way, totally survivable. So it really wasn’t all that bad.

About 3 weeks post-op I went back to school and work. At the time I was on a pretty walking-heavy campus with tons of hills. I applied for short term disability just in case I had trouble carrying my textbooks around or walking up hills or something but tbh I never needed to utilize it, it was fine. I was super tired but fully functional. So overall I’d say recovery was pretty easy. I had limited mobility for a couple of weeks, it hurt to raise my arms above my head, needed help reaching some things and showering was a bit tricky, but over time that went away.

I’d say without a doubt the worst parts of recovery were:

Not being able to shower for the first week. This absolutely fucking sucked lol. I was so greasy it’s not even funny. I would try to rinse my hair with Angel’s help over the tub and do like sponge baths basically but it was NOT the same. Definitely recommend dry shampoo (we didn’t think of it until after).

Sleeping on my back. I am NOT naturally a back sleeper. I really struggled with this. Having a dick piercing now I’ve gotten better at it lol but at the time especially it was so incredibly difficult to sleep this way, I was already crazy uncomfortable from surgery and being greasy and tired and sore and then on top of that I could NOT get comfortable to fall asleep.

I had some weird emotional and hormonal responses to the surgery. My period returned in full force about two weeks after my surgery for the first and only time since it stopped on T. At that time I also experienced some pretty nasty post-op depression. I think it was a mixture of weird dysphoria (mostly a sort of existential frustration that I had to go through the procedure in the first place), hormonal imbalances (again, my period returning…), and just general emotional response to recovering from a surgery and frustration with the minutia of the recovery process. I just felt really, really low. Tired and tired of being tired. This passed over time, but it was not fun.

Pettier complaints: Nipple grafts suck to heal and look disgusting at first. Trust the process lol. Wearing the compression vest is kind of annoying. I was like, dude, I got this surgery so I don’t have to bind anymore! 😭 Anesthetic can (and did) cause constipation. I had to buy laxatives. None of this was unbearable but it definitely all added up and contributed to the post-op depression.

Stay hydrated, eat well, take probiotics, take vitamins and supplements, take vitamin C and zinc, a small amount of exercise/physical movement is good but don’t overdo it, get lots of rest, and listen to your surgeon’s advice. If you’re not sure, ask.

I think my biggest advice is to remember that our bodies are pretty primitive things—Injury is injury to them. You’re getting a surgery you wanted to better your life longterm, your body is purely focused on healing, and is responding to awareness of an injury. It’s hard to feel super excited about the surgery right away, you’ll be too deep in your body’s healing response to physical trauma. It’s exhausting at times and it can almost feel like your body is working against you. It’s NOT. I found undergoing top surgery (and transitioning in general) to be an amazing meditative process in aligning your brain to your body better, but that’s a process, a relationship you form through work the same as any other. You need to trust your body’s natural healing process.

Bodies are weird and healing is messy. I had weird inexplicable symptoms that I’d tell myself I’d contact my surgeon about if they persisted or worsened and they didn’t. I had UTI-like symptoms for a day that went away on their own. I had really uncomfortable weird restless leg syndrome for a night or two. One of my drains came detached from the tape holding it down and it had no negative effect. One of my nipples looked vaguely infected but my surgeon was unconcerned and it healed fine. None of this was serious, try not to worry if things seem a little odd, unless symptoms get progressively worse, show no signs of getting better, or are really, really obvious signs of infection/complication. Just listen to your body and take care of it.

I felt comfortable going out shirtless after about… a year or so? It took about that much time for things to settle. For a few months it almost looked like I had excess skin sagging on the sides, this went away by the 12ish month mark. Nowadays I don’t do any body building but I try to do some push ups every day to keep my chest somewhat fit. 4 years in and sensation is still minimal, definitely doesn’t have the same sensitivity as the rest of my body, but it also continues to return every day! Literally to this day I notice new shooting nerve sensations growing deep in my chest now and again. A few months ago I had notable nipple sensation for the first time since the surgery. My scars are still fading, although my chest generally seems to pass for cis irl which is awesome.

I could go on and on about all the small details but I think I’ve talked your head off enough for now hahaha. I love my results and I’d do the whole process over again a thousand times if it meant having what I have now. Literally changed (and saved) my life.

#ftm

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bunji-enthusiast · 1 year ago

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He catches you crying after you took a drive [headcanons]

Characters: Grave, Billy (very implied fem-reader), and Jyuji

We need more Gungrave fanfiction, cause *cracks my knuckles* I’ll just do it myself if I have to. Might be some self-indulgence lol

Grave

— gets really concerned and doesn’t exactly know what to do, you just get really good at hiding your tears and emotional sadness. From a lot of the group apparently.

— now he just knows cause he had happened to catch you off guard is all.

— Grave really does get worried about you, but his intelligence on the perceptive thinking of emotional intellect hadn’t exactly come back to him fully.

— He was so glad Mika offered some tips on how he could help, he genuinely was a little stuck sometimes. Albeit stunned too.

— when he had noticed you were sitting by yourself in the metal van, (or truck? Idk what it is.) he had simply turned to sit by you and engulf you in a very warm and large hug.

— obviously you were surprised and caught off guard by this sudden display of affection that Grave was showing for you, causing you to stop in your tracks of crying - but upon realizing what he was trying to do for you, you couldn’t help but appreciate his efforts.

— eventually you had fallen asleep upon his chest, he didn’t mind though, Grave may be an old deadman but even he still knew that people needed rest. Especially every kinds of rest.

Rocketbilly Redcadillac

— this ghost man knows. Billy is exceptionally perceptive and in tune to people’s needs and emotional states; ladies like you in particular.

— a very firm believer in treating all women with respect, regardless of which age you are, and it’s the job of a real man to supply that kindness.

— albeit, he was simply a ghost unfortunately. Billy couldn’t embrace you, hold you and tell you it was gonna be all okay - alright.

— Billy just hated himself for that, having to go about other methods of cheering you up within proper reasoning to be able to support you in your difficult situation.

— His go-to option was playing some music Billy had thought you were familiar with, as he was taking a shot in the dark; he was extremely glad, very much so once he saw that you began to perk up and the tears had stopped streaming down your beautiful face.

— “You alright there miss?” He would offer you a gentle smile, taking a deep pause in his playing to look you over. You couldn’t help but laugh, thinking of his actions to be cheesy.

— “Billy what the hell are you doing?”

— “Trying to cheer you up, one cheesy thing at a time.” He grinned, closing his eyes once he knew he heard your laugh. “Is it working?”

— You nodded, trying to stifle your giggles and laughs. “Yes, thank you Billy.” Letting yourself feel a new wave of calm, you smiled properly toward the very sincere ghost-man.

— a chilling wave swam through your cheek, causing a warm heat to bloom to your cheeks. You realized what he was doing, you knew he was trying to caress your face. You had stopped him, he let you.

— Billy still felt angry for himself not being able to properly soothe you like an actual man. But he managed to bring a smile to your face, even if it was through rather… cheesy means.

— “That’s good, I’d rather be damned to limbo if that meant I could see such a pretty smile on your face beyond words miss.”

Jyuji Kabane

— an extreme sense of smell, it wasn’t limited to things ordinarily such as organic smells; smoke, water and the occasional poison. He could quite literally smell the lethargy of sadness that had irradiated and wore down your body for quite some time now.

— He didn’t know how to take an approach to comforting you, as he is like Grave - emotionally constipated. Which would make for some difficulty in dealing with people who are more empathetic then he is.

— definitely hates it, not knowing how to do this for you. How to comfort you properly, like a ‘friend’ should. Though he isn’t completely sure if what he feels towards you are platonic feelings, like the dumbass he is, he suppresses them.

— Billy decided to nudge him with a helping hand and offer up some advice to the (very disgruntled) half-seed, half-deadman.

— Jyuji decided to opt for getting you your favorite snack and just offer a hug or two. Something of which was completely a little out of character for the hot-headed bundle of a man to do.

— “How’d you remember this? I only mentioned this to you two days ago!” Jyuji looked away when you had looked at him with very surprised eyes, you noticed the pink blush dusting his cheeks to the shells of his ears.

— Jyuji was never gonna admit it, but at least he managed to crack a smile on your face. To which he was thankful to be able to distract you from all the stress, however long he could for a while.

— He huffed, “Yeah, well we deadman also happen to have extremely good memory.”

#gungrave #gungrave x reader #gungrave imagines #grave x reader #beyond the grave #beyond the grave x reader #billy x reader #rocketbilly redcadillac #RB/reader #rocketbilly redcadilllac x reader #juji kabane #jyuji kabane #juji kabane x reader #Jyuji kabane x reader

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mingain · 2 years ago

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Pull on their Heart Strings

Pairing: Milo/Sweetheart (Redacted Audio), David/Angel Characters: Milo Greer, Sweetheart, David Shaw, Angel Words: 656 CW: None Additional Notes: Harpist! Milo and Cellist! Sweetheart. Author is a cellist and it probably shows. Author also couldn’t be bothered to depict accents, Milo’s dialogue is written the same as everything else. Summary: Milo and Sweetheart practise a duet.

Available to read on AO3:

Tags: @jasontoddsneighbour, @epsi-l0n

He plucked middle c - or more accurately, what should’ve been middle c and the note was met with cackling.

“Baby, do you need me to play you the note so you know what it should sound like or do you have a tuner?” The stealth raised their right arm slightly, positioning their bow on the A string, the index and middle fingers of their left hand already pressing down in fist position to play a C4.

He laughed before gently swatting at them, gesturing for them to play the note nonetheless.

While Milo tuned his harp to their cello, the stealth stared at the sheet music in front of them. They should’ve looked at it before practising with Milo. God, they hated sight reading.

Once both instruments were fully in tune, Milo got his sheet music out a winced. “Sweetheart, did you have to pick out such a hard song?” At least both of them were sight reading.

“Should we just… do the first four bars and see how that goes?” They smiled at the glare he shot their way.

“Yeah, yeah, really funny there, Sweetheart. You don’t come in until bar 5.” They tried to look up at him, batting their eyes to feign innocence before breaking out into laughter.

“Look-“

“No, I don’t think I will.” He cut them off, smirking and they sighed.

“From bar five then?” They wouldn’t even get a lead up now.

“I’ll go from bar four. Trying to come in at the same time is almost always hell.”

——————————

The stealth leaned back in their chair, careful not to lose control of the cello resting against their legs. Their arms ached and the tips of their fingers were sore - they should probably practise more often.

“Well that turned out better than I expected. Could definitely still use some practice though.” They smiled at Milo while they spoke.

He smiled back, nodding before standing up and offering them a hand. They laid their cello on its side on the floor before taking his hand, standing up. As they stood up, Milo pulled them into him, kissing their forehead as he held them tight.

“Well hi there, Sweetheart, fancy seeing you here.” Yeah, he’s absolutely going to be the death of them.

“Do you reckon we’ll be able to get it to performance standard in time?” Their voice wavered as they spoke, but any nervousness they may have felt melted away at the nod of his head.

“I’m sure we will.”

——————————

The room around them bustled with chatting and laughter as they set up and prepared to play.

“Thank you so much. Both of you. We’re so happy you were willing to play.” A voice spoke from behind them. David Shaw. Milo turned around, smiling.

“Not a problem. We needed an excuse to play together anyway.” He looked over to his mate who was sorting out their sheet music. “We’re honoured that you wanted us to play for you on your big day.”

Angel rushed over to join them, smiling from ear to ear while Sweetheart approached from the opposite direction to handle Milo’s music while he was talking.

“What songs did you pick?” They continued to beam, waiting for him to answer.

“Well, I didn’t actually pick the songs, so if you don’t like them, don’t blame me.” There was suddenly someone leaning against him and he chuckled.

“But, if you do like them, you can thank me.” The stealth laughed along with their mate. “We’re starting with Perfect for your first dance and then Experience by Ludovico Einaudi and after that there’s gonna be some other love songs like Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis and Love Me Like You by Little Mix.”

The newly married couple nodded, thanking them again before heading off to talk to Asher and Babe.

Milo and Sweethearts took their seats when they were ready, beginning the song and David and Angel’s first dance.

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted milo #redacted sweetheart #redacted david #redacted angel

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yukihirata · 10 days ago

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A Night Out

Many people will walk in and out of your life but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

“Julia, you’re home!” Yuki exclaimed as her friend walked in through the door.

Unable to hear her, Julia went about her business as usual, staring with kicking off her dress shoes. It felt good to get out of them after a long day of trying to find clients to cart around with her airship. She looked over at Yuki, whom was seated on her floor sofa, smiling up at the blonde.

“You’re home!” Yuki said again, now that Julia could see her lips.

“I am,” Julia signed, moving slowly so Yuki could understand her gestures.

“Yay!” Yuki spoke with a smile, laying her book face down on the sofa next to her. “I wanted to ask you something!”

“What’s up?” Julia asked as she took a seat next to Yuki, glancing down at her book briefly.

Whatever Yuki had been reading was in Hingan, the text a dead giveaway that Julia probably wouldn’t understand the story completely. She turned the book around to get a better look at the cover, which featured a man in a business suit, and a girl in a pretty frilly dress. Looked like one of her saucy romance manga.

“Well,” Yuki said once Julia’s attention was back on her. “I was thinking. You told me before you lost your hearing you said you really enjoyed listening to music, and that life without is depressing. I know you won’t be able to fully hear it, but I was wondering if you’d like to go to the club with me! There’s really loud, bass heavy music that you can feel in your chest, which means you can come dancing with me!” Julia sat there and considered the Raen’s offer. On one hand, the idea of going out with her was quite appealing. It had been a long time since she had gone out with a friend and hit up the town for some late night fun. On the other hand she would feel silly going to a place featuring live music, knowing she can’t hear. But, would anyone else be able to tell? Julia pursed her lips at the thought before nodding once.

“Okay,” she signed at Yuki. “I’ll come with you.”

“YAY!” Yuki shouted, throwing her arms up into the air in a celebratory manner.

It was at this point that Kallard stepped out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants with a towel draped around his shoulders. He reached up and ruffled his hair with the towel, trying to dry it off so he didn’t feel like I wet dog. Upon seeing Julia sitting next to Yuki, Kallard smiled and strode over to the pair, dropping down to a squat once he was near them.

“What’cha girls up to?” he asked, abandoning his towel.

“We’re going out clubbing!” Yuki told him with a broad smile.

“Clubbing? The fuck is that? You goin’ to beat some baby seals with a club or somethin’?” the old man asked, one hundred percent serious.

“No, silly! It’s called clubbing because we’re going to a club! It’s where people go to meet new people and dance to really loud music!” “Yuki, Julia’s deaf. She won’t be able to hear the music.” “Duh! I know that. I asked her because tonight the person playing music is going to be playing some really bass heavy songs, the kinda stuff you can feel in your chest!”

“Huh,” Kallard mused as he looked at Julia. “Not a bad idea. I like it. You two girls have fun, I’m gonna go smoke.” And with that Kallard got up and wandered over to the kitchen. He leaned over the sink and opened the window, grabbing his ash tray and pack of cigarettes. A cancer stick was shuffled out of the pack and lit with a match, which he discarded in the sink. He took in a deep breath and exhaled the smoke slowly, savoring the burn in the back of his throat.

Back at the sofa, Yuki got up from her seat and walked into her room, approaching her dresser. She looked over at Julia with a smile before she started to root through her drawers. After several minutes Yuki let out a loud, “Ah-hah!” and held up what looked like two dresses. They were matching dresses but one was black and the other pink. Julia looked up when Yuki stared to wave the dresses around in the air.

“A dress? But I’m already wearing a suit,” Julia signed before looking down at her well maintained suit. She had left behind the coat back at the airship and was instead wearing a vest with a black tie tucked under it and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Julia frowned at the thought of wearing a dress, something she hadn’t done since she was a little girl.

“Nope, no suit tonight! We’re going out together, so let’s wear matching dresses! The cut is the same, but I get the pink one,” Yuki said with several nods of her head.

“Alright, alright, dresses it is,” Julia signed before she clambered back up to her feet.

“Heck yeah!” Yuki exclaimed as she bound over to Julia, holding her black dress out.

Julia accepted the dress and took it into the bathroom so she could get changed. Once the door was closed she started to peel out of her suit, carefully folding up each article of clothing and setting it down in a neat little pile on the floor. Her body armor, a simple vest with side plates, was quite literally ripped off, the velcro making a loud tearing sound. With her previous outfit, armor and arms were removed Julia went about slipping into the dress, thankful that it featured thick straps so she wouldn’t have to take off her bra. She made some careful adjustments to the fit, using a full body mirror to study her appearance.

The dress fit her well, making Julia think Yuki had good taste. It was neither too short or too low riding, leaving plenty to the imagination rather than having all the goods out on display. Seemingly satisfied with her how she looked, Julia opened the door and stepped out. Yuki was sitting on the floor doing her makeup, sitting in front of an impressively big makeup box. The Raen looked up at Julia and smiled at her.

“Wow, you look smokin’!” Yuki said with a toothy grin.

“You look good too,” Julia signed back. From his window Kallard let out a low wolf whistle with a shit eating grin plastered across his face. He knew Julia wouldn’t be able to hear it, but once she saw his face she knew what he had done. She jabbed a finger in the air, pointing first at Kallard and then back at her eyes before pointing at Kallard again, as if she were telling him she had her eyes on him. Kallard let out a laugh, shook his head and blew a kiss towards Julia.

“Have fun you two. Make sure you come back before midnight and for the love of god, no boys!”

“Ugh, shut up, dad!” Yuki said without looking up from her mirror.

Julia raised a single middle finger in Kallard’s direction, bringing out another laugh. Before he could enjoy the moment, a horrible cough took over him. He brought a hand to his mouth and coughed several times before lowering his hand and groaning, obviously in pain. The cigarette was brought up to his lips where it would remain, untouched.

“That cough isn’t gonna get any better with you smoking!” Yuki called out to Kallard.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know mom.”

Julia looked between the two, absolutely loving their back and forth interactions. They argued like an old married couple but got along like best friends did. It was clear as to why Kallard loved Yuki so much. She was a very hard person to be mad at, or even dislike.

“Okay, whew, I’m done!” Yuki said as she hopped up to her feet. “How do I look?” “Like a million gil,” Kallard said and Julia nodded.

“Good! Let’s go~!”

------

( Recommended listening: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4jw7E9qvvg )

Yuki was right, Julia thought as they approached the club. She could feel the music in her feet just from outside and could only imagine the sensation of what the inside would be like. The thought thrilled her, having missed out on music more than anything else. She looked over at Yuki with a smile, which was returned with one of her own and a little wave of her hand.

“Can you feel it from here, because I can!” Yuki said as they took up place at the back of a line that had wrapped around the small building.

“You were right,” Julia signed back. “I can already feel the music in my feet. I’m really excited to get inside.”

The wait to get inside wasn’t a very long one. The line continued to grow despite the steady flow of people leaving the club, only to be replaced with a new patron. Eventually it became their time to enter and Julia could feel her heart pounding, the excitement palpable. The moment the doors opened Julia felt the bass thundering throughout her entire body. It was like being smacked with a wave of bass, each time it resounded in her chest.

Inside the club there was a sea of people, a majority of which were all crammed onto a dance floor. Lights flashed in tune to the beat, the sound of the music making conversation nigh impossible. Undeterred by this, Yuki guided the two through the crowd, taking hold of Julia’s hand. She nervously looked around at all of these strangers, feeling naked without her weapons. It was at that point she noticed that for the first time since she had known her, Yuki didn’t have her swords with her. Well, that was strange to see.

If Yuki felt safe enough here to be without her weapons, then the establishment couldn’t be that bad at all. If anything, Julia enjoyed the club even more, smiling as the two women politely plowed through the crowd near the bar, moving towards the dance floor. On stage was two people, a man with long hair singing into a microphone while also playing the guitar. Off to his side was his band mate and drummer, his arms a blur as he created the beat Julia could feel.

Finally the two were at the dance floor and the crowd parted to let them in. They eased their way into the group and without wasting any time Yuki started to dance. Julia stood there awkwardly at first, watching the other woman have a good time before matching Yuki’s moves and stride. Seeing this Yuki smiled and lead the dance. It was when the person playing the guitar started to sing again that Yuki started to sign the lyrics to Julia, beaming over at her friend.

Overwhelmed with admiration for Yuki, Julia couldn’t help but smile back at the Raen. They had only known each other for a couple weeks now, but they felt like close friends already. Her joy was infectious and before Julia knew it, she lost herself to the beat and danced the night away, forgetting her problems for now. Time to have some fun.

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