#I didn’t know about the wet dry ingredients thing the first time I made banana cookies

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

Wait, Kohga's got a thing for Daruk? Can I request/lovingly demand to see that? Or you know what, Kohga and any other Goron? Because I would PAY to see Kohga trying to take Goron dick and being like "... I may be in over my head here" 😂

One, Kohga ABSOLUTELY has a thing for Daruk. Big body, LOTS of pretty hair, and does more or less whatever he’s told. Granted I have no clue how much they’d have in common, but it’s smut, so here we go. Two, don’t you underestimate how much dick this man can take. Old Yiga techniques in this bitch.

“You know what, I can KINDA see where you’re coming from with this!”

“RIGHT?!”

Kohga and Daruk had decided to spend time together, upon Mipha’s instance (she was all about that sort of ‘unity’ and shit), and the ONE thing they could bond over? Food. It was why they were by a nearby stable, throwing stuff into a cooking pot. Turns out Daruk was a DAMN good cook, and with their combined ingredients, they were eating their fat asses off. Right now they were eating poultry pilaf, topped with goron spice, AND sliced bananas. Daruk wasn’t for it at the start, but he was now all about it, tucking into his bowl happily. Daruk damn near licked the bowl, nodding in content.

“I didn’t think bananas worked. I’ve had them with apples, but bananas? Somehow works.”

“Bananas go well with EVERYTHING. Add that with the goron spice, AND the way you cook that chicken? Beautiful. Nice skin by the way, crunchy.”

“Prime rock roasts are crunchier, but I don’t exactly think you can eat that.”

“I’ve THOUGHT about it, Link makes it look good.”

They both had a chuckle at that. They liked Link, and his insatiable hunger was one of those factors. Daruk looked through his ingredients, rubbing his chin for a second.

“How about...ooh, mushroom saute?”

“Only if you have Hylian mushrooms.”

“I got sunshrooms, but those are better.”

“Not for mushroom saute!”

Daruk shot him a look as if he was crazy.

“Okay, explain it to me, because sunshrooms are the best mushrooms.”

“Hylian mushrooms absorb the spices better. Sunshrooms are full of heat as is, it’s overkill.”

“Alright, let’s test it, powder puff.”

Kohga handed him the mushrooms, but not before raising a brow.

“I’m sorry, 'powder puff'?”

“Yeah, the hair. It’s like those little makeup puff things.”

“I’m OFFENDED! This is a traditional yiga hairstyle!”

“Is that why EVERYONE has their hair up like that?”

“Look,not everyone can have fucking lynel maned hair like you, don’t rub it in.”

Daruk laughed at that, rubbing the back of his head.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was just pokin’ fun. Didn’t know people actually liked my hair that much.”

“Course everyone does! Look at this shit!”

Kohga dug his hand in his hair, helping it get only messier. God how pretty, all that hair was. What Kohga would give to pull it. Daruk laughed, cheeks getting rosey as he was getting flustered. Honestly, it was easy to charm Daruk.

“Aw, Kohga, thanks! Really, nice of ya. I’m glad Mipha made us spend time together. I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t sure how to feel about you when you first joined.”

Kohga shrugged, helping Daruk mix the food, mainly to check if it was done.

“I mean I can’t totally blame you, I DID try to kill you guys. Multiple times.”

“AND get Sooga to kill us a few times. Speaking of, where is the guy? Thought he was always glued to you?”

“Eh, I made him spend some time with Teba. Figured YOU were strong enough to protect little ol’ me.”

“Course I can! Ain’t nothin’ happening to you, even if there WAS something to be scared of!”

Daruk patted his head, and Kohga could swoon. Kohga, ever since he was a young man, had a thing for the big, strong Gorons. Hell, one of his first crushes was a Goron traveller (god did he LAY the flirts on that poor guy). Daruk served them their own bowls of the different sautees, and Daruk nodded thoughtfully.

“You know what, you’re right, actually. Huh, I always thought nothing could taste better than sunshrooms.”

Kohga nodded, swapping bowls with him for a minute.

“I mean the sunshrooms aren’t bad, not dissing your tastes. You like flavors as big as you, can’t say I blame you. Better than Sooga’s cooking anyway.”

Daruk laughed again, smacking his knee.

“Oh he can’t be THAT bad!”

“He doesn’t even LIKE Goron spice! I like the guy, a lot, but he needs to learn how to actually cook. Speaking of, how did YOU learn how to cook?”

“All Goron’s like to teach one another how to cook. I learned from a bunch of Gorons. You?”

“My mother. She was a great cook, taught me everything I know. She loved Goron spice too, always put it on meat. Especially during the holidays. Loved that woman.”

Kohga finished his bowl, about to decide just what they should eat next, when he felt something drop onto his head. He held his hand out, and felt it again. Rain. It then started to sprinkle, and in a manner of seconds, started to pour. They both scurried on inside (with Daruk being a gentleman and using his arm to protect Kohga), and Kohga went to the stablehand at the counter.

“Can we get a room for the night?”

Daruk, lost in his mess of wet hair, shook his head.

“I don’t mind sitting out with everyone, really-”

“I’m not asking. We need a room for this big guy, the biggest one you got.”

Daruk clearly had complaints about Kohga paying, but he wouldn’t let him get a word in edgewise. Kohga helped him to his room, and right after getting him to bed, Kohga grabbed a towel, and smacked it on his face, trying to try his hair. Daruk chuckled, clearly not used to someone fussing over him like this.

“Hey, what’s your deal? It’s just some rain!”

“Sooga’s not here, ergo I’m your problem big guy. Now hold still, you’re almost dry.”

Daruk chuckled, sitting still as Kohga got the water out of his hair. Most of it anyway, he was mainly concerned of Daruk being able to see.

“I think I know why Mipha talks so much about you. You’re nice.”

“Hey. Hey. Don’t make me sound all sugar and sweet, rock man. Mipha likes everyone.”

Kohga was being a bit aggressive with the towel, mainly in hopes of getting him to shut the hell up.

“Not like you. She talks about you and Link a LOT. It’s kinda why I agreed to hang out with you, because you mean a lot to her.”

“Bah, it’s just because I set her up with Link.”

“You just don’t wanna admit you’re good.”

Kohga lifted his towel from Daruk’s face, seeing that big, stupid, grinning face of his. He was way different from Sooga, plenty expressive, ALWAYS smiling and chuckling. Not to mention he had the GALL to be so snarky with him.

“God bless your future wife, she needs the patience of a saint to deal with you. Lucky the face saves it.”

Kohga threw the towel at him, choosing to sit next to him and pout. He damn near fell off the bed as Daruk ‘patted’ him on his back.

“I know you meant that as an insult, but that’s super sweet.”

“How?”

Kohga groaned, rubbing his shoulder as the ache reached the rest of his body. Daruk shrugged, cleaning the rest of the rain water off of him.

“You said ‘bless your future wife’. Dunno if I’ll ever have one, but that’s super sweet. You try to be a big, scary guy, but you’re super sweet.”

“You’re lucky you’re not Sooga, HE gets slapped for calling me sweet. But yeah, you’ll have one. You’re tolerable. Something about the way you said that though...thinking about someone?”

Kohga was suddenly in his lap, on his back, looking right up at Daruk. Daruk grinned, giving a shake of his head.

“I mean...can you keep a secret?”

“Course, course! Unless you include my diary. I tell my diary everything.”

“Fair enough. Uh, yeah. Urbosa. I REALLY like Urbosa.”

“URBOSA? Really?”

Daruk nodded, digging into his ear in hopes of getting water out of it.

“Yeah. She’s super strong, she’s smart, she’s fearless, we’ve known each other for a LONG time.”

“So what’s stopping you? You two fight well together, I’d say that’s just as good of a date.”

Daruk shrugged, lifting his arm up to even dry his armpits. Not that Kohga was looking.

“I dunno. Feel like she’d be interested in some other guy. Feels like she’d like someone like Kass. You know, romantic like. I dunno the first thing about girls, much less a woman like her.”

“What is there to know? Women just like a guy who tries.”

“...really?”

“I actually don’t know, I’m gay as shit.”

Daruk sighed a bit, actually feeling a twinge of hope for a second. He seemed to have finished with the towel, wiping his hands, mainly as a means to do something with his sudden bout of nervous energy.

“I dunno. I guess it’s not something that’s gonna happen. Which is fine, I appreciate just knowing her. She deserved better anyway, what’s she want from someone who can’t woo her?”

Kohga shouldn’t be thinking what he was thinking. But Daruk was so vulnerable. So easily persuaded. Big, cute, eager to know how to love. Not to mention being locked in a room with him, all alone. A nice prey for a predator like himself. He sat up, trying not to grin too much.

“I can teach you.”

“What?”

Daruk clearly was confused. But that’s exactly what Kohga was hoping for.

“I’m not like Urbosa, but I know her VERY well. We’ve been fighting for a long, long time, you get to know someone pretty damn well. So, why don’t you try some stuff on me?”

“Uh…”

“What? Don’t do dudes?”

“No, it’s not that, I’ve been with guys before. It’s just...didn’t expect this, I guess?”

“That’s what love is! Spontaneous stuff! Full of surprises! I’m gay, but I know that’s ONE thing girls love. Plus, when has Urbosa ever shied away from any inconvenience, including in the battlefield?”

Daruk thought about it, and as Kohga suspected, it worked. He rubbed his head for a second, before nodding.

“I mean...kinda makes sense, actually.”

Kohga held onto his face, giving it a light squish.

“Of course I make sense! I’m THE Master Kohga! I’ll even be a nice guy and help you get started.”

Daruk seemed surprised by the way Kohga pushed him flat on his back (the power of cock made Kohga a VERY strong man), and crawled down to...whatever the hell it is that Gorons wore. Kohga always called it a thong, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t the official name for the garment. Either way, he pulled it away, and nearly choked on air. Holy. Fucking. Shit. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it sure as shit wasn’t this goddamn lynel crusher of a dick. It was huge, scaley (Gorons were more or less rock creatures with some parts of lizards), and as Kohga cupped it in his palm, he realized it wasn’t even hard. It was this big, as it was SOFT. The rather coarse texture was because of big, thick scales it was covered in. Daruk sat there for a moment, clearly confused as to why Kohga was just sitting there, gawking at him like that.

“I uh...you okay-”

“I’m JUST now figuring out you’re hung like a Lynel, I’m VERY okay.”

Don’t get Kohga wrong, this guy was a goddamn BEAST, but Kohga liked a big, thick challenge. Daruk was about to speak, clearly about to tell him he could call this off, but then he felt Kohga’s hand slide down his girth. Now that he actually touched it like this, he realized it wasn’t exactly rough as he thought, as it seemed to bend with a firm hold. Good, so it wouldn’t be like fucking a giant pinecone, but rather a cock with thick ridges. Yeah, he could work with this. Daruk chuckled, combing his hands through his messy hair.

“You uh...done this before, I take it?”

“Not with a Goron, but definitely done it before. Sneaking guys into stable rooms and getting my fill is...a hobby of mine, guess you could say. You’re not used to this though, you’re really liking how I’m holding you.”

“You have REALLY soft hands.”

“Funny, been told that a lot.”

Kohga chuckled. It was nice, getting to feel something bigger than his entire arm in his hand. The way it seemed to radiate heat, the way the flesh started to get harder as his hand roamed up nice and down. Kohga’s hand roamed, trying to find just what he liked, when he noticed just the spot close to the head. It made Daruk grunt a bit, and from a Goron, that was just as good as a moan.

“You’re REALLY good at finding that spot, Kohga.”

“Thank you. It helps that you aren’t fighting me on this.”

“Why would I? We both agreed to this, and this is...for Urbosa, right?”

“For who?”

“Urbosa.”

“Ah, right right right. Yes, totally for her.”

Daruk opened his mouth to ask of his true intentions, when he realized that wasn't very important, given the fact that Kohga's mouth wrapped itself around the head. Kohga’s soft lips never failed to make any cock feel good, and Daruk's was no exception. Kohga knew he couldn't swallow the whole thing (least not without some practice), but that didn't mean anything when you sucked as good as he did. He took a decent amount of him, and he felt Daruk get into it, so far as to put his hand on his head, gently prompting to take him further. If Kohga couldn’t breathe, he could stay down here all damn day. Unfortunately, air was a thing, so he had to pull away, softly gasping as drool still connected his mouth to his cock. Daruk lightly poked him in the shoulder.

"Sorry, I push too hard?"

Kohga shook his head, grinning as he used his hand to spread his spit along his cock.

"No, not at all. You're a big guy Daruk, but don't treat me so delicately. I can handle you, in the battlefield, and in the bedroom."

"Please don't tell me that means you're gonna take me without lube."

"Oh dear god no. I'm brave, but that'd be a suicide mission."

Kohga sat up, and dug into his inventory, pulling out a bottle of lube. Daruk gestured to it as he tried to catch his breath. Poor Daruk was holding himself pretty well up until now. Big, strong man he was. He removed his clothes (nothing more than needed of course), and was about to do some self prep, really put on a show, when suddenly Daruk pinned him down on his back, big, heavy palm on his chest.

"Hey, let me handle that. You shouldn't be doing all that work."

"I'd say 'fuck you, I do things how I want', but I do like doing no work. Almost gentlemanly, big and brawn. "

"Women like that stuff, right?"

"Course! Granted Urbosa is clearly not someone to flop over, but she's gotta appreciate you offering to do most of the...handiwork. I mean I know I do."

Kohga chuckled. He wasn’t Sooga by any means, but he was a big, handsome meathead. Most Gorons were. Full of gusto and big, stupid muscle. Was it any wonder Kohga had SUCH a crush on their species? It helped that Daruk wasn’t a total newbie about this, and didn't seem to be shy at all. Caring, but not shy. He lubed up his big, strong hands, and lathered up Kohga’s ass and legs, really getting him comfortable to his touch. Goron’s hands were...hot. Kohga was damn near swooning.

"You're gonna tell me if it hurts, right?"

"Pfft. If I didn't like it, trust me, you'd be on the floor."

"You wanna bet, boss man?"

Oh. Oh the way Daruk grabbed his ass as he said that. The way he leaned into him, looking at him with big, challenging eyes. The way he SAID that nickname. It took so much of Kohga not to just melt like butter, and giggle like a bunch of giddy school girls. Kohga may be a top, but if a man was big enough, strong enough, COCKY enough, that could change in an absolute flash. He gulped, forcing his inner whore to keep his composure. Even as Daruk dug a big, oiled finger inside of him, Kohga forced himself to keep his composure.

"Yeah, I do mean it. Bigger doesn't mean stronger. You wanna see it, I'm down."

"Ha! You got attitude, just like she does. Maybe this IS good practice."

"Practice my ass. No seriously, push it further, I can take it."

Daruk didn't seem convinced, but he was at LEAST smart enough to do as he said, and shoved his finger well knuckle deep. It made Kohga tremble a bit from it's size. It was so nice, so big, so slow and steady, Kohga knew he could cum with this, if given enough time. But he wanted more. He wanted to get fucking DESTROYED by that giant weapon on his. Daruk seemed to take the hint, and taunted Kohga's hole with another finger.

"Let's make a deal. If you can handle two fingers, right to the knuckle, we’ll do the real deal.”

“I could handle your whole fist if I wanted to!”

“You wanna bet?”

Daruk made the motion to move further when Kohga panicked, holding his hands out to stop him, and yelling at him to NOT. Don’t get Kohga wrong, he loved a good fisting, he just didn’t like it with a side of death. Daruk threw his head back in laughter, clearly he was kidding.

“I was just calling on your bluff, boss man! You’re fun to mess with. Sooga treats you like this, don’t he?”

Kohga was about to bark at him for talking to him like that, when Daruk introduced a second finger, and god dammit did it kill Kohga. A damn, good stretch, no hesitation on his end. He swore a bit under his breath, before shaking his head.

“I treat HIM like this. I’m much better with my hands. And he usually respects me enough to NOT talk back to me.”

“But you kinda like it. I can tell, because you aren’t stopping me.”

Kohga wanted to have a good comeback for that, but YOU try having something to say when fingers that big were pumping into your oiled up ass. Kohga stammered for a response, before he resorted to punching his shoulder.

“God just shut up and fuck me, rock man.”

Daruk wanted to keep using his fingers, but something told him that if he kept delaying it, Kohga was going to just kill him. So he slowly pulled his fingers out, before grabbing a hold of his thighs, and yanked him closer, till his own dick was brushed up against him. Suffice to say, Kohga was a BIT intimidated. His grip on Kohga was tight as he leaned down to his face.

“I can usually tell by someone’s face if they don’t want this. But uh...with the mask and all, I gotta ask, you sure you wanna do this? We can stop, or do something else. I don’t mind doing something...safer, I guess. No shame if you wanna back out.”

Kohga was distracted for a second. The thing was huge, and it was right up against his stomach. He could feel it, hot and thick against him. He wanted it, and he wanted it BAD. Kohga grabbed him by his stupid blue sash thing, and pulled, wanting to show just how serious he was.

“Fuck. Me. Daruk.”

That was as much of a sign as any. Daruk was so easy on those he found who needed a delicate touch, but if they wanted to go all out against him, he was NOT one to hold back. So he pushed his tip against him, before finally going inside of him. Kohga’s extra hand dug into the sheets. Now don’t get him wrong, he’s had some pretty damn good cock, but this? JUST having the tip in? Kohga already wanted to cum. It stretched his ass, and holy shit did Kohga love it. So much so, he was JUST now noticing Daruk was snapping his fingers in front of his face.

“You okay? You weren’t saying anything, thought I broke you.”

“I’m good. SO good, honestly. You could do more, a LOT more, half at least.”

Daruk learned quickly it seemed, choosing not to question him, and slowly, ever so slowly, started to push more into him. Daruk had one hand onto the wall, the other was used to hold Kohga down, as if he was worried Kohga would run from him. Kohga stayed right there, drooling right behind his mask. Daruk was being careful, but wasn’t sweet. His cock was filling him up, stretching him. As if that wasn’t enough, Daruk was letting him run his hand through that absolute mane of hair. So soft, so warm, it somehow made his cock twitch even harder. But that was nothing compared to how well it felt, having HALF of him inside. Daruk moved his hand right to ass, helping himself to a nice, big handful of Kohga’s absolute dump truck of an ass. No permission, no shyness. Just a big, hot hand. Holy shit.

“Gotta give you credit, you’re handling yourself pretty damn well. I’d ask if you were liking it, but uh, something tells me you are.”

Daruk’s stomach pressed up against his dick, and it was SO close to being enough to make him cum. Kohga prided himself in stamina, but dammit he wanted to bust one here and now. Kohga swallowed, somehow finding his voice as he panted something fierce.

“Y-yeah. I am. Don’t get cocky though, I can outlast you.”

“You wanna bet, bossman?”

Daruk was putting his full weight on him, really pushing himself against him, and holy fuck Kohga was so close that time. But that big, stupid face on Daruk forced him to not cum.

“Yeah. You wanna act smug, let’s bet. If YOU cum first, you gotta ask Urbosa out on a date.”

Daruk’s smirk shrunk a bit, definitely not liking that idea. His brows furrowed in determination.

“Alright. If I win, YOU gotta give Sooga a romantic date. No work on his end.”

Neither wanted to do either of these things, but both knew one of them HAD to be done. So, they both nodded in silent agreement. And that’s when things got crazy. The idea of a contest ignited that Goron fire in him, and Daruk started to finally move. Not just move, but actual rough, rhythmic thrusts, right into Kohga’s ass, He never went anymore than halfway into him, but that was more than enough for Kohga’s greedy ass. Daruk’s cock was not only big, not only thick, but those scales seemed to just brush against every sensitive little part of him. Kohga, in the midst of getting his ass PLOWED into, made the mental note to get a dildo that was JUST like the cock he was getting right now. Kohga thought he was doomed. But then he saw Daruk’s face.

Daruk was panting, he was groaning, he looked like he hadn’t gotten a piece of ass in a long, long time. Then Kohga recalled; HE was the top. He was going to MAKE Daruk lose this bet, even if it killed him. Despite the fact that his ass was being stretched to the size of a goddamn manhole, he dug his hand in that big mess of chest hair, and pulled. Just like Sooga’s long hair, Daruk liked his being pulled, forcing him to rest his forehead against his fist as he tried to pick up his pace. Daruk wasn’t faring too well, and it gave Kohga a fuck ton of confidence.

“You’re gonna fucking lose. You’re gonna lose because you LIKE fucking up my ass. You got a smart mouth, and nice, big hands, with lots of pretty hair. But you just can’t hold yourself when it comes to fucking a body like mine. You JUST started to plow me, and you’re already twitching.”

Kohga gave his chest hair another sharp pull, making him groan loudly at the firm grip from the otherwise soft, delicate hands.

“AND you even like your hair being pulled. You act like you’re rough and rowdy, but you really just like a nice, plump ass to stick that monster cock into. And it’s gonna feel even better when you FUCKING cum in it. Go on, give me that fucking Goron cum.”

Kohga had a way with words. Had a way with his greedy hands and plump ass. Such a way, that Daruk came. He came, with a loud, shameless growl in his voice. Immediately Kohga felt his ass stuffed in cum. However, given the fact that it was occupied with damn near a whole foot of Goron cock, it spilled down his ass, and into the bed below. Kohga was grateful for it, and used the chance to pump his own cock. It helped that Goron cum felt...different from normal cum. It felt much thicker, much HOTTER than usual cum. It didn’t burn, but holy hell did it feel good to have it shoved in his insides. Not to mention him cumming right after, being full of so much big, sexy Goron, felt SO much better than any personal wank session. He didn’t even care that he came, all over his chest, and even his own mask. It was a good, hard, fast fuck that Kohga wanted, and deserved.

They sat there for a moment, bathed in sweat and cum. Kohga couldn’t remember when he last felt so full, and Daruk couldn’t remember when he last felt so empty. Kohga chuckled, leaning up a bit to poke Daruk on the forehead.

“I win. YOU gotta ask Urbosa out now!”

Daruk groaned, rubbing his forehead as if he had a headache.

“I...guess you’re right. A bet is a bet, boss man. Can’t believe you beat me to the punch.”

Kohga folded his arms over his chest, smug as could be.

“Course I did! I’m THE Master Kohga! Now, help me get out of bed. I feel absolutely NOTHING below the waist.”

[janeykath318]

All I Want For Christmas (Shieldshock)

When are you going to finally tell him?” Jane hissed at her assistant, whose eyes were following the departing figure of one Steve Rogers with a great deal of admiration, leaning into thirst. 

Darcy immediately turned her gaze back to Jane, affecting ignorance. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said primly. “Who wouldn’t admire The Star Spangled Hunk With a Plan?” 

Jane snorted. “That was more than the average “admiration.” I know you better than that.” 

Darcy huffed and affixed her gaze sternly on the screen she was monitoring, hoping to discourage Jane from any further conversation on the topic. It was absurd. She was just another casual fangirl. It was perfectly natural. Who didn’t have a slight crush on Captain America?

“Ohh, Janey!” She exclaimed, glad for a diversion. “I think you’re gonna like these readings! We’re getting some good data here!”

Science quickly took over and Jane completely forgot about her matchmaking interests for the ensuing thirty six hours science binge! 

When it was over Darcy dragged Jane to bed, and stumbled blearily towards her own room, soon falling into blissful dreams of a blonde haired super soldier.

She woke with a gasp after a particularly vivid dream where she’d swooped her up and kissed her hard, heart fluttering wildly.

“I’m in so much trouble,” she groaned, burying her face under the pillow and willing herself to think of something—anything else!

When she and Jane had first moved into the tower, the only residents they’d met had been Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff. Both were badass and very fun to hang out with. As for Steve Rogers, she’d seen him mostly from a distance when he’d been talking to Tony in a lab or working out in a gym. 

The first encounter was in the spacious kitchen that most of the Avengers shared. Darcy was searching  for some ingredients for her famous banana waffles when she came face to face with a very bedraggled, bruised, and battered Captain America.

“Dude!” she’d gasped out. “Are you okay? You look like Thor took his hammer to your face.”

He’d smiled weakly, then winced as if it hurt to use any facial muscles. 

“I’ll be okay. S’already healing. Looking for an ice pack.” 

“Lucky for you, we’ve got a fair selection. Clint and Natasha use them a LOT.” Darcy rummaged in the freezer and found one, which she offered to him. “This work?” 

He’d accepted it with a grateful look and a quiet “Thank You.” 

“Rough mission?” she asked, sympathetically.”

“That’s an understatement,” he’d said wearily. “I’m sorry for disturbing you, ma’am. I’m going to go sit down before I fall down. Thanks, again.”

With that he’d excused himself and limped away, leaving Darcy a touch concerned, but also, wowed. 

The next time she saw him was sopping wet, stalking through the halls with a murderous expression that made Darcy scamper to stay out of his way. She’d never seen Captain America make that expression before and it was rather terrifying. Someone was about to get it. 

“Hey, Cap! Who pissed in your Cheerios?” Tony yelled as the angry soldier passed them. 

Steve stopped dead in his tracks. If looks could kill, Tony would have combusted on the spot.

“Are you responsible for this, Stark?” He said through gritted teeth. 

“No, but I wish I was,” the reckless Tony replied cheekily. 

Seeing Steve really was about to lose it, Darcy stepped in to intervene before things got out of hand. Cap wasn’t the type to get mad over a simple prank, so she guessed whatever it was had to have been very thoughtless. 

Stepping back into his path, she gave what she hoped was a winning smile.

“Don’t mind him, Cap. He has no sense of self preservation or tact. If you promise to not kill him, I’ll help you track down the real perpetrator and get revenge. I am an excellent prank detective.”

For a moment, he stared at her like she had two heads, then the frown started to ease and his shoulders relaxed. He wiped at his wet face and sighed heavily. 

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have let it get to me. It’s…..been a…….rough day for me and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. I really don’t like ice water, especially when it’s randomly dumped on my head.”

Now it was Darcy’s turn to frown. The poor man had been frozen for seventy years and this stupid prank had probably triggered him. 

“Yikes, Dude!” She said with a wince. “This calls for teaching a lesson, alright. How about you get into dry clothes and meet me in the lounge? We can start plotting. I think I may know the idiot who would have done this.” 

“Sounds like a plan, Miss….”

“Lewis, Darcy Lewis,” she finished. “And You’re Steve Rogers?” 

“In the flesh,” he confirmed, with a crooked little smile that was all kinds of cute. 

“Well, Steve, I hope you’ll trust me when I say you’ll never have to worry about this kind of thing happening again,” she said firmly. “Just ask Tony what I did when he messed with my coffee supply.” 

She gave her most evil, villainous grin, which made Tony shudder and Steve smile. .

Her dastardly plan was successful enough that Steve was left well enough alone and though he never told her what had been bothering him so much, she did a little searching and the tidbit she found made her ache for the man again. It was the anniversary of the day he’d lost his best friend. 

Darcy commenced Operation Be Kind To Steve shortly after, which involved leaving funny notes in the common areas, making sure there were regular deliveries of his favorite Apple Crumble Pie, and regularly greeting him cheerily when he stopped by the lab. 

After three or four months of this, she was quite smitten and wished she had the guts to ask him out, but with the fall of Shield and Steve’s search for The Winter Soldier, the timing was all wrong. So, she continued to worship from afar and expanded Operation Be Nice To Steve to include Bucky as well. 

Steve, who was looking much happier these days, had been sent by Natasha to inform them their presence was required at the upcoming  Avengers Karaoke night: Holiday Edition. Darcy had instantly accepted for both of them, causing Jane to sigh and try to probe Darcy about her crush. 

After three more science binges and sleeping for twelve hours straight, Darcy was more than ready for some fun. She put on some very flattering dark jeans, a glittery green top, and very long gold dangle earrings which she only wore when she was on “the hunt” so to speak.

Jane grinned knowingly at her and gave her a thumbs up. 

“Go for it, girl!” she encouraged. 

Darcy flushed and headed to the bar to get a drink for courage while Tony crooned Blue Christmas badly. As she sipped her drink and covertly eyed Steve, a familiar redhead joined her. 

“Well, is tonight the night you complete your wooing of Steve Rogers?” Nat asked with a knowing smile, looking over at Steve, who was talking with a shaggy-haired man that Darcy guessed was Bucky. 

“What would give you that idea?” Darcy said coyly, crossing one leg over the other and acting like she was totally chill.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the way you’ve been doing all those nice things for him, and the way you can’t take your eyes off him. Plus, you’re wearing the earrings you only wear when you’re trying to land a man.”

“It’s really annoying to live with so many spies,” Darcy huffed, taking another sip of her drink. Nat laughed. 

“If it helps, he’s been looking at you the same way,” Nat told her.

“Really?” Darcy asked, trying not to sound hopeful or excited.

“Really. I hope you have a good song picked out.” With a wink, Nat slipped away from the bar and strode onto the stage, where she proceeded to bring the house down with a killer version of Silver Bells.

Darcy was glad she didn’t have to follow that up, because, wow! 

Clint ambled on stage and delivered a mocking rendition of “Last Christmas” that had everyone doubled over laughing. His ridiculous falsetto and facial expressions were priceless and Darcy forgot her nervousness in laughter. 

When Clint had taken his bows, Darcy approached the mic and told JARVIS her song selection. Boldly, she locked eyes with Steve and sang right to him. 

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas,

There is just one thing I need, 

I don’t care about the presents 

Underneath the Christmas Tree.

I just want you for my own,

More than you could ever know, 

Make my wish come true, 

All I want for Christmas is you!” 

It was hard to see a reaction at first, but as she repeated the verses again, still looking at him, comprehension dawned, and his blue eyes grew wide, his cheeks started to flush, and a smile appeared that almost took Darcy’s breath away. 

Oh, wow. 

Had he just smoldered at her? 

“I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you!”

Before she’d even finished, he was on his feet and heading toward her. She could hear the other avengers giggling and whispering, but tuned it out once he got close. 

“Was that for me?” Steve asked.

Darcy’s face grew very warm under his searching gaze, and she slowly nodded.

“Yeah. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I just had to get it out there,” she said, heart in her throat. 

Steve looked at her and she looked back, mesmerized by his expression. 

Then, he bent down and made her dream come true by kissing her very decisively in a way that made her knees weak and left her in no doubt as to whether the interest was mutual.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” She gasped teasingly when they’d pulled apart. 

Steve nodded. 

“I Uh…..have been wanting to say something for awhile,” he admitted. “But I kept chickening out. Bucky here will tell you I’m no good at talking to pretty gals, and you are downright gorgeous.” 

Darcy’s heart fluttered at his compliment.

“You’re off to a pretty good start so far,” she told him, with a flirty eyebrow waggle. “How about we get out of here and find someplace more private?” 

“I’d like that,” Steve agreed, still holding her hand. 

[sabreean]

One word for you...

Where I have not gone plastic-free:

Bread box: There are no plastic-free, airtight bread boxes that I’ve been able to find and I *must have* airtight. I make my own bread in a bread machine just because I like to, and the first few loaves I made here on the humid island grew mold within three days because my old bread box was not airtight. Bread bags are more eco-friendly but aren’t airtight, and will hold the humidity. I could find no silicon boxes and also could not find silicone containers/bags that I could be sure would be big enough to hold a loaf of bread and still close completely. I’m considering a giant silicone bag I found online, for marinating meat, so if I get that I can see if a loaf will fit inside. But I haven’t pulled the trigger on that yet, buying something just to marinate meat doesn’t fall neatly into the “I really need it now” category. So I purchased a BPA-free plastic, airtight box and it seems to be working very well. It’s so airtight that I was able to store bananas in it as well and there has been no sign of fruit flies.

Suncare: I spent two days working on the porch. I was under a roof in shade the entire time but I sunburn if I stand next to a toaster, so at the end of the second day I looked like Roy Neary in “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”. As in the right half of my face was bright red. I wasn’t wearing sunscreen because it breaks me out. All of it. Every single sunscreen ever. They all break out my face, neck and chest within 20 minutes of application. So I did some research and learned about mineral sunscreens versus chemical sunscreens and after reading a lot of recommendations and reviews, I ordered Alba Botanica Sensitive Mineral Sunscreen. Yes the tube is plastic, but there’s probably no avoiding that. The sport cream is 45 SPF, waterproof for up to 80 minutes, vegan, free of all the chemicals that turn my face into a Marscape, biodegradable and - get this - reef safe. That’s a “gee how nice” for most people but now that I’m swimming around coral reefs, shit got real. They also make a spray-on but it’s not legal to ship aerosol cans to Hawaii, something about them exploding under pressure blah-bibby-blah. Pretty bummed about that. For those wondering, until now I’ve worn a sun visor whenever I’m outdoors but it didn’t occur to me to wear it on a covered porch. I’m sure it didn’t occur to Roy on a dark deserted highway in the middle of an Indiana night, either. LATER UPDATE: Native makes a mineral sunscreen and I thought it wasn't water resistant, but it turns out that it is, although I should not have had to dig so deep into their website to find this out. Better than getting anal probed, all things considered. The Alba sunscreen is very thick and hard to squeeze out of the tube, and you can feel it on your skin at first but you forget pretty quickly. It is completely unscented. You have to make sure to rub it in well if you don’t want to look a little weird. It showers off clean and easy and after a few days with it, not a single blemish! Our pharmacy sells some water resistant mineral sunscreens. I didn’t price them the last time I was there to compare with online ordering and they are probably reef-safe because as of January 1 of this year, suncreeens containing oxybenzone and octinoxate are banned in Hawaii to protect the reefs. But my next purchase will be Little Hands because it is made right here in Hawaii. I have been a big believer in ‘buy local’ for many years and they are plastic-free.

Groceries: Groceries haven’t changed. I’ve been using cloth shopping and produce bags for many years, they just bloody well work better. I do buy some foods in plastic, often there just isn’t any alternative. This was true even on the mainland. The main change is that now I walk to the store more often than not. I was able to walk to almost everything I needed when I lived in Austin’s SoCo in the early aughts and I loved it, I am so so happy to be able to do that again. Knowing I’m just a pleasant stroll away also means that I only buy what I need in the immediate future. There are a few exceptions for items that sell out very soon after the weekly supply barge comes, and don’t always get restocked even then. I drive when I have to buy heavy or awkward to carry things, like a case of soda. I’ve found conflicts with grocery choices because of a weird contradiction: non-hippie products in cardboard/paper packaging versus hippie products in plastic. I first noticed this when I went to buy sugar the other day - do I get the organic non bleached sugar in the plastic bag, or the nonorganic bleached sugar in the plastic bag? It wasn’t much of a conflict in any real world sense, just something that grabbed my attention. (I went with the plastic by the way, for the organic foodstuff that was going to go into my body).

Probably the clothesline, I have no idea what the hell that thing is made of, most likely nylon. We don’t use it for everything because it’s too humid here to dry everything in a reasonable amount of time. But we use it for some things - especially towels and swim wear - and I’m glad that we have it and it saves money on electricity. Our electricity generation here on the island is likely solar but still, no need to be greedy about it. Lots of people here have clotheslines, they are a common sight I am glad to see.

Bandages: I use Wellys. Patch bamboo bandages sound great, but I am clumsy AF and so I need bandages that are going to stay on through wet and dry and everything else. Wellys are flexible fabric, latex-free bandages made in the USA, in reusable tins that you can buy refills for if you don’t want a new tin, and that create a seal around all four edges. They are a certified B Corp so even with a bit of plastic, the company is still in line with my ethics.

Makeup: I use mostly mineral makeup, because it lasts longer (no organic ingredients to breed bacteria) and many mineral brands offer smaller quantities that are more sensible for people who don’t wear it everyday, or at least don’t wear the same colors every day. On the mainland I went weeks without wearing makeup and here I’ll probably go for months, it’s just such a casual place. I might wear some when we go across to Maui for a long weekend. But there are a lot of all natural and plastic-free makeup options out there these days, I am glad to see. If I need to replace anything I will shop with them but it’s just stupid and wasteful to toss everything out and buy new. One thing I won’t compromise on is mascara, I use Thrive because it really does what it claims, and it is still a company that aligns with my ethics. Many zero-waste brands sell cake mascara and that’s a complete nope for me. I tried cake mascara in high school, when I was going through my Audrey Hepburn/Sophia Loren makeup phase and I really didn’t like it. I also tried cake eyeliner and must confess that this elder goth never ever got the hang of liquid eyeliner, Icarus winged better than I can. I gave up a long time ago, pencil me in baby. Also, I wear lipstick, the paint-on stuff that stays on through food, drink, sex and a nuclear blast. IMO, lip balms are a waste of money and do not count as ‘makeup’, unless you’re only intention is to prevent chapped lips and with a small amount of color that lasts few minutes at a time.

Hair brush: I need a new hair brush that is designed for my long fine mane because my hair is getting a lot of punishment here, between wind and swimming and so more frequent washing and lots of pulling and tugging into braids. I bounced back and forth between Ibiza (boar bristles, wood handle) and Mason Pearson (boar bristles, plastic handle), for about half an hour. I finally decided to bite the big one and invest in the Mason Pearson. It is universally reputed as the best hair brush to be had on planet Earth. The was company founded in London by a Yorkshireman named Mason Pearson (bet you didn’t see that coming) in 1885. The boar bristles are either shed bristles collected from the wild in India and China or sourced from the meat industry as they are a by-product of processing farmed boar; you may ask so I will answer and yes, I do eat boar. Mason Pearson is still owned and run by the Pearson family and the Pearson women have always played integral roles in the company. Indeed Mary Pearson was the CEO for the 20 years following the death of her husband, founder Mason, and one of their daughters ran the top floor of the factory on Old Ford Road in London for 50 years. You can purchase a brush with a handcrafted made-to-order wood handle but while I am willing to make the investment in a Mason Pearson brush, I just can’t bring myself to be so self-indulgent as to even send a price inquiry for the wood model. This is where my best friend reminds me of the lengths I went to and the price I paid to obtain a bottle of the finest Irish whiskey in the world to demonstrate that yes, I can be that self-indulgent without much convincing. I just can’t bring myself to do it with a hair brush. I purchased from Pasteur Pharmacy in NYC because they made their bones, if you will, in their early years in the 60s by catering to humans with dogs.

Bed blanket: I just couldn’t bring myself to buy a bamboo blanket/bedspread that costs in the $275 neighborhood when the dogs will be spending at least as much time on it as we will spend under it. So we went with half cotton/half bamboo for a much more reasonable price. The temps here are warm by the thermometer but the air is heavy with humidity (100% yesterday and that doesn’t necessarily mean rain), so when the fans blow it around it can be pretty damn chilly. And the dogs steal the covers.

Clothing: if I need new clothing I will consider bamboo but it’s damned expensive. I was shopping for a second bathing suit recently because I’m at the beach often enough that I need a suit to wear while the other one is drying or waiting to be laundered free of all the salt and sand that didn’t wind up in my ass or under my tits. I always thought that sand-in-uncomfortable-places was a joke, I was very wrong. I spent two hours searching for bamboo or other plant-based sustainable fabric or recycled fabric and found nothing under a hundred bucks. Nothing. Not even a thong bikini (I already have sand up my ass, I don’t need material there as well). I’m not lounging instagrammatically on Waikiki, I’m swimming in 5+ foot surf every weekend at least, so I am not willing to pay that much for a suit intended for plenty of use and punishment. I got a bikini because it will be easier to discreetly rinse most of the sand away before going back up the beach, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

[wineanddinosaur]

For These Oregon Winemakers, Smoke Taint Had a Silver Lining — Pink Wine

Winemakers are a resilient bunch. They must be, of course, given that their main ingredient is subject to unpredictable weather patterns and environmental conditions that impact all agricultural products.

Oregon winemakers are used to dealing with these challenges, wet years especially, and have found ways to minimize the effects of mold and rot. But last year, amid a global pandemic, Oregon was hit with wildfires. It was not the first time Oregon winemakers had to deal with mitigating wildfire smoke damage, which also affected the 2017 and 2018 vintages. But it was one of the first times the state’s winemakers had faced active fires in winemaking regions within southern Oregon and the state’s largest wine-producing region, the Willamette Valley.

For Oregon producers such as Jackalope Wine Cellars, Day Wines, and Helioterra Wines, wildfires brought a new issue to the region that impacted much of the 2020 vintage: smoke taint, or grapes affected by exposure to wildfire smoke. But smoke damage isn’t something winemakers can rinse off of the fruit. Instead, it forced winemakers to develop new plans for the vintage — and resulted in a lot more rosé.

When wood burns, it releases aromatic compounds called volatile phenols, which can permeate grape skins and bond with the sugars inside (a process called glycosylation). When fruit is affected by smoke taint, says Corey Schuster, owner and winemaker of Jackalope Wine Cellars in Dundee, Ore., “the chemical gets in the skin of the grape; so when you make wine, the more skin contact, the more of the chemical in that wine.”

That chemical, called guaiacol, is not harmful, but its impact on flavor can create undesirable savory, ashy, smoky, campfire, or even barbecue-like characteristics, depending on the intensity of the smoke and length of exposure. Smoke influence can also affect the texture of wine, giving it a biting astringency, particularly in the finish.

“Even if you don’t smell smoke on the wine, you can still get those textures,” says Brianne Day, winemaker and owner of Day Wines in Dundee. “It’s almost like an intensely drying tannin that also has a banana skin astringency.”

Though Jackalope had planned Grenache and Cabernet Franc styles for its 2020 vintage, Schuster, like several other Oregon winemakers, chose to make rosé to lessen the amount of skin contact and mitigate the effects of smoke-affected grapes. This translated into producing 230 cases of rosé, nearly double the 125 to 150 cases he planned for. In the end, it proved a fruitful decision. Schuster notes that rosé generally sells well, and that his 2020 vintage has almost sold out as of press time.

Without a playbook for dealing with smoke taint, Schuster and his fellow winemakers at other wineries had to figure things out as they went along. To inform what Schuster describes as a “choose-your-own-adventure” approach, he sought advice from friends and winemakers in both Oregon as well as Washington, many of whom were also dealing with smoke-affected grapes from wildfires; he read studies from the Australian Wine Research Institute in a country that has dealt with fires near vineyards and smoke damage since the 1980s; and consulted reports generated by the Oregon Wine Board.

Many winemakers employed techniques outside their usual winemaking processes, such as micro-fermentations, less skin contact (no cold soaks or extended maceration), use of activated carbon, or treatments such as adding yeast or oak, and hoping for the best.

Credit: Helio Terra Wines

Solving the Smoke Taint Problem

The solution to dealing with smoke-affected grapes is not as simple as making rosé instead of red wine. How the fruit is affected by smoke depends on variables such as the fruit’s stage of ripening; the duration of the smoke exposure; and the type of smoke exposure, which is influenced by its proximity to the fire, how far the smoke had to travel, and the age of the smoke. Sometimes, the true impact of the smoke taint isn’t revealed until after the wine has fermented, anywhere from first sip to nine months’ aging.

This is because there are two types of guaiacol, a free and a bound version, says Day. “Some of the compound is easy to get rid of by pressing lightly or settling the juice out really aggressively,” she says. “But the majority of guaiacol is bound to sugar molecules and it doesn’t get released until the sugar breaks down to make alcohol. So, you won’t know sensorially if you have elevated levels. It’s hard to make decisions.”

And various grapes are affected differently, too: Syrah and Cabernet Sauvignon naturally contain some of the same chemical compounds as smoke, so some of that smoke influence isn’t as apparent as in other grape varieties. More delicate grapes such as Pinot Noir — which accounts for 60 percent of grapes grown in the Willamette Valley — are more impacted.

To better understand what smoke compounds were present in their grapes, some winemakers and growers sent their grapes to testing labs to determine if they contained high levels of guaiacol, the chemical compound associated with smoke taint. This produced its own challenges — with so many wineries sending grapes to get tested, there was a backlog, says Schuster; and besides being time prohibitive, the tests can be expensive to winemakers already facing potential loss.

Winemakers without testing results had to decide whether to take a gamble on the fruit. The three winemakers here agreed it was worth the gamble, not only for their wines but to put a premium on maintaining the working relationships they’ve cultivated with growers.

Schuster works with two vineyards that conducted testing and knew that the fruit had been severely affected. “How do you financially handle that between a grower and a winery like myself?” he says. Jackalope is a small winery, producing 2,000 cases per year. Only one of the growers had fruit that was affected by smoke, and she did not hold Schuster to his contract. “I offered to pay for farming costs for the year to compensate them and she said, ‘Don’t worry about it,’” Schuster says. “It showed me that she thinks our relationship is worth some sacrifice to maintain. And it made me more fiercely loyal to her and her vineyard.”

Credit: Jackalope Wine Cellars / Facebook

Schuster says that, so far, his 2020 rosé, a blend of 85 percent Grenache and 15 percent Cabernet Franc, hasn’t shown any discernible smoke taint. Although he’s typically a hands-off winemaker, last year he experimented with different processes and treatments to mitigate smoke impact. Rather than crush the grapes and let the juice marinate in its skins for a few hours to pick up color and some flavor and aromatics, and then press them, the 2020 harvest immediately went into press. From there, Schuster tried a little bit of everything on different batches: adding oak chips to enhance complexity and outshadow the smoke; adding yeast to get the wine to ferment fully and quickly; and adding activated charcoal to stainless-steel ferments. Activated charcoal’s proteins can pull out smoke taint’s chemical compounds, Schuster says, adding, “It was terrifying to do because it looks like black liquid; eventually it comes out.”

All the wine went back into a blend to make a rosé that’s marketed as “a juicy pink that defines crushable.”

While Anne Hubatch, winemaker and owner of Helioterra Wines in Portland, had always planned to make rosé in 2020, she also had to adjust her process. She picked 5-gallon buckets’ worth of grapes and set up 10 micro fermentations in her lab. She crushed whole cluster samples, used the same yeast on all of them, and put heaters in front of the buckets. “I kicked them off with fermentation right away so I could have a ‘finished’ wine within a matter of days,” Hubatch says. “The thing is, in juice, you can’t tell the same things you can tell in wine. Doing that allowed me, and many of us who did this, the ability to start to analyze what each wine from each vineyard would taste like.”

Hubatch brought samples of the pressed juice to taste with the growers. Only one had strong smoke flavor, and although Hubatch wanted to honor their working relationship by purchasing the ton and a half of grapes she was contracted for, she and her supplier mutually agreed that the wine quality wouldn’t be what they wanted. “It was the only contract I didn’t honor,” Hubatch says. The grapes she did purchase to make rosé came from two growers, both of which were smoke-affected but salvageable.

It bodes well that Hubatch aims to make rosé wines that flirt between fruity and savory, like one of her rosés made with 100 percent Pommard. “I choose actively older vines specifically because a signature of Pommard is a certain ashiness,” she sayus. “I used some [high-ester] yeast that brought out strawberry and cream notes, but because of Pommard, I really get a lot of inherently more savory, charcoal, and herbal characteristics from my rosé.” The other rosé, made with old-vine Pinot Noir, was fermented in neutral oak and stainless steel, yielding a wine that’s billed as providing “crisp refreshing fruits and plush weight.”

Hubatch says that producing wines kissed by smoke didn’t bother her. “Terroir is more than just soil and climate. Terroir is all the factors that go into a growing condition. In 2020, our terroir not only included wildfires, but it included a global pandemic,” Hubatch says. “The fact that some of these wines have this smoke signature to me mimics the fact that 2020 was a f*cking dumpster fire. There’s not a single human who didn’t feel that. I love that the wines do have a little bit of this grittiness … that shows the tenacity of the year instead of trying to mask it. I really hope that consumers embrace that piece of it.”

Making Lemonade

Although Oregon winemakers were able to turn lemons into lemonade, so to speak, they are coming to terms with the fact that dealing with wildfires and smoke damage isn’t a one-time thing. On the heels of record-setting, 100-degree-plus temperatures in Oregon and across the Pacific Northwest, there is a new spate of wildfires currently raging at the time of this writing. In addition to bringing the threat of climate change into sharp relief, wildfires have compelled winemakers to examine the fragility of the supply chain and how it impacts the welfare of the industry’s growers and workers, too. These are conversations that Oregon winemakers are having among themselves, but the hope is that rosés made in 2020 help spark conversations for consumers, too.

Day sees an opportunity for these 2020 Oregon rosés to spark conversation among consumers. Last year, Day released the aptly named “Lemonade” rosé, made with 100 precent Pinot Noir grapes, and boldly printed on its side label: “Let’s all just make the best of this.”

Credit: Leyla Ersan

“I want to talk more about the realities of climate change, and I want the average person who isn’t in the wine or food industries to see (or taste) a tangible result of climate change,” Day says. “What does it look like in real time? How is it affecting our lives and businesses? How do we behave in response?”

In tandem with that, Day wants to discuss the “human-to-human treatment” in the industry, whether that’s the health and welfare of employees and farm laborers or working with small farmers to support them through a crisis.

Like Hubatch and Schuster, Day made it a priority to purchase and salvage smoke-tainted fruit to maintain working relationships and support suppliers. She printed Chehalem Mountains on the label to highlight that the grapes came from especially hard-hit American Viticultural Areas (AVAs); Day purchased fruit from two small, independent growers who were having difficulty selling their smoke-affected fruit.

Because the smoke blocked the sun in their vineyards, possibly in conjunction with the toxic effects of the smoke, the wildfires stalled ripening. The fruit wasn’t quite ripe enough for red wine, but Day says the chemistries were good for rosé: low pH, ample acid (but not all malic acid, which can impart green, or unripe, flavors in wine and can destabilize pH levels, creating variability in product), and lower sugar. After purchasing the fruit, Day did everything she could to minimize the effect of smoke. The team experimented with pressing the grapes at different pressures, 0.8 bar up to 1.4 bar. Day continually tasted the juice to isolate when she started tasting acrid characteristics. Smoke showed up in the harder-pressed barrels (even though it was still a relatively gentle amount of pressure), so Day got her distillation license and distilled that juice into brandy.

To make Lemonade, Day fermented the juice under 0.8 bar separately from the rest, settled the juice, and racked the wine seven to eight times before filtering it (she doesn’t typically filter wines). “That’s a lot,” Day says, “Like, a lot, lot. I settled out gross lees, then fine lees, racked it while it was fermenting, and moved some into barrels to isolate possible problematic things.” When she released Lemonade in November 2020, she quickly sold out of the 1,200 cases.

In anticipation of tripling production of Lemonade this year, Day added several vineyards to her supplier list with rosé in mind. “It’s wonderful to see the rapid demand happen for a product that came about out of necessity.”

The article For These Oregon Winemakers, Smoke Taint Had a Silver Lining — Pink Wine appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/oregon-winemakers-rose-2020/

[the-basement-paradox]

~Boss~ Chapters 15 & 16

~Chapter 15~

17

"Johnny I'm not going to go see him today" Taeyong sighs as he sat curled up on the couch with Titan on the cushion beside his bare feet and Johnny sitting sideways on the couch in front of him and looking at him.

"I know but you have to be ready, when do you usually see him anyway?" Johnny appeals it was the morning after Taeyong's practice with Taeil and he was getting as much info out of Taeyong as he could, he wanted to know everything about his lover that he could possibly find out. His eyes were still puffy and red from the rivers of relieved and bitter tears he had shed the night before but he could care less as he questioned Taeyong about Taeil's every little move.

Finally Ten could be seen walking towards the pair and Taeyong grins and jumps up off of the couch "Thank god!" he says happily, Ten looked at Taeyong and Titan, who had followed the red head to her master, with a small amused smile "I couldn't find my way back to my room so I was waiting for you" Taeyong admits sheepishly "I'm horrible with directions and I'm tired of Johnny asking me about Taeil"

Ten nods slightly and chuckled lowly "So the smart ass does have a weakness, good to know" Taeyong pouted at him and Ten raised an eyebrow "You really must be exhausted to be acting like such a child" he teases "Let's get you to bed" he hums as he turns away from the other, he wonders why the other was so exhausted. Could it be that he didn't fall asleep as he had assumed?

Taeyong yawned and followed along behind Ten trying to carefully re-memorize the way to his rooms. Ten opened the door for the taller to enter his rooms, he does just that and flops face down on his sheets.

Ten chuckled and was about to close the door to leave the other be for a little bit before he realized that the red head was still wearing one of the collars that Ten had brought for him, so he enters the room and carefully touches the side and base of Taeyong's neck so he wouldn't surprise the other too much as he turned the collar so he could unbuckle it, "You can't sleep with this on or you'll choke" he admonishes quietly as he places the collar on the table.

He backs off and goes to the door "Titan is staying with you," he says quietly hoping she would be able to help the other enough so he could sleep for a while instead of only a short time. "Sleep as long as you can Pet, I'll come for you if we need you for anything" he says gently before leaving the room and closing the door to give Taeyong his privacy.

Taeyong was far too relieved and exhausted by a job well done to even hear the other's words as he curled in on himself and burrowed under his blankets.

Titan whined quietly as she realized that the sweet smelling boy would be at a place under the covers that she couldn't reach before she sees him pop his head out from under the blankets and place it right below his pillow. Titan carefully hopped onto the bed and started burrowing in under the large, fluffy comforter until she was crouched beside the red head.

She flopped down beside him and they slept with their backs pressed against each other and their breathing soft and slow.

Some hours later the sun begins to shine through the partially shaded windows of Taeyong’s room. Titan was the first to be awoken by this as she was the one with her face towards the windows she huffs and carefully wiggles off the bed before carefully taking a corner of one long curtain in her jaws and tugging it towards the center of the window where it would meet with the other to block out the light.

She had gotten through one of the two windows before Taeyong woke up from the lack of the comforting heat of her body at his back, he sat up bleary eyed and looks around the room fuzzily before turning to the windows and finding the massive mastiff tugging the curtains of his room closed.

He couldn't help but giggle at her behavior, which was like that of a frustrated child.

Ten walks in mid giggle with a small tray of cereal, toast and a glass of water and smiles ever so slightly at the melodious sound of the other's giggles "what a beautiful sound to be welcomed by" he hums, making his presence known to the pair as he brought the tray over and set it above Taeyong's outstretched legs.

Titan sees her master and abandons her project of closing the curtains and instead takes up a place curled up beside Taeyong's hip hoping to bum a bite or two of food off of him.

Ten chuckles lightly and takes a bowl of browned ground beef and some rice off of Taeyong's tray and adds certain vitamins he had been keeping in his pocket to the mixture before placing it before his Titan "Your food is here too my dear" he says sweetly making sure the bowl was in the perfect place for her to eat happily with minimal movement, just the way she liked it.

"Thank you Ten" Taeyong mumbles around a large bite of cereal.

Ten chuckles lightly and ruffles Taeyongs hair a little in an affectionate way

"You're welcome My King"

~Chapter 16~

17

After his breakfast Taeyong rolls out of bed with a wide smile for Ten "You never finished showing me around the other day Queenie, I'd like to see the kitchen where you 'cook' all of your famous breakfasts for me" he croons lightly teasing Ten.

Ten hums quietly in response and satisfaction at the nickname Queenie, it was a start at least, "Get cleaned up and changed and I'll take you" He hums.

He takes Taeyong's hand and flattens it out before placing a new dog collar into the others palm, this one was made of white leather and had a teardrop shaped lime green jewel dangling from it, this collar looked more expensive than the others and the jewel on it looks suspiciously like a pale emerald.

Taeyong looked at Ten and raised an eyebrow at the expensive looking collar, Ten shrugs and takes the collar back and shifts on the bed to clasp the accessory around the redheads neck. "I'll be outside your room when you're done" He hums before beckoning to Titan and exiting the plush bedroom.

Taeyong goes to his newly filled closet and pulls out a pair of white ripped skinny jeans, a large pastel green sweater and some emerald green converse, he dresses himself quickly sighing happily at the feeling of the warm, soft sweater against his skin.

He then heads to his bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth, after he had done this he opens the door into the hall timidly not knowing where Ten was standing and not wanting to accidentally with the door.

Ten hums in appreciation for his Prize's outfit as he comes forward and looks Taeyong over. Taeyong smiles ever so slightly recognizing the quiet noise of approval from the other "Time for food" he reminds with a happy smile, even though he didn't ever eat much he always loved cooking.

Ten's gaze remained fixed on the redhead for a moment longer before he shifts it in the direction they would be walking to get to the kitchen and starts off "Then lets go Pet" he hums coolly, definitely not acknowledging his staring from just a moment ago.

Taeyong giggles quietly at Ten's reaction and quickly follows him, carefully committing the route to memory so he could come back any time. As time went on it was slowly getting easier for Taeyong to navigate the gigantic home where he had been living for the past week or so but, to be honest, he wasn't entirely sure that was a good thing considering his circumstance.

Ten leads Taeyong into the kitchen and leans against the counter "Why did you want to come here anyway"

Taeyong smiles "It's Taeil's birthday tomorrow, I wanted to bake him a cake" he then shrugs "besides I like to cook to it's nice to know where the kitchen is"

Ten nods in understanding "He will be touched to hear you remembered" he hums "What kind of cake were you planning on making?"

"Just a normal vanilla cake with some vanilla frosting and fruit slices on the top" Taeyong hums with a smile, he knew how much his Hyung liked fruits.

Taeyong goes to the fruit basket that was resting on the center of the island he also goes in search of a cutting board, a knife and the other utensils and ingredients he would need to complete the cake.

He sets up the cutting board, knife, and some kiwis, strawberries and other assorted fruits on the section of the island. In front of Ten. "Can you peel the Kiwis and cut these up for me while I start the cake?" He asks as he moves on and starts separating the wet and dry ingredients of the cake.

"No"

Taeyong turns around and furrows his eyebrows "Why not? If you're gonna hang around you might as well make yourself useful." He huffs, plenty miffed about the rejection.

"I don't like fruit" Ten huffs looking away looking slightly embarrassed showing Taeyong it was a bit more than just not liking fruit.

Taeyong snickers "Are you afraid of them or something?" He asks picking up a banana and waving it at Ten teasingly.

Ten bats it away from himself and leans away looking incredibly embarrassed.

Taeyong giggles and puts the banana down "Okay tough guy you can start putting the cake together and I'll prepare the fruits" He hip bumps Ten away from the cutting board, towards the ingredients for the cake and he begins to carefully peel the fruits.

Ten looked a bit relieved but soon frowns realizing he had been teased, he grabs a small handful of flour from the bag and sneaks over to Taeyong who was at the sink peeling and washing the Kiwis and pours it onto his hair. "Don't tease me" he huffs sounding a bit childish and his actions definitely weren't helping this image.

Taeyong hisses and drops the fruit into the sink and spins around to stare incredulously at the Mafia leader who had just poured flour over his head for teasing him about being scared of fruits.

"Did you. Just pour. Flour on my head. Because you. Are scared. Of fruit. And you didn't like me teasing you about it." He says slowly and incredulously "You, the fearless, heartless leader of the NCT mafia are scared of fruits"

Ten pouts at Taeyong, looking totally heartless, "You teased me, you should have done that" he defends with a huff.

"I'm going to get you back for that" Taeyong threatens pointing a flour dusted finger at Ten and pulling some flour off his head and dusting it onto Tens black t-shirt for added effect.

Ten chuckles lowly "I dare you" he taunts his voice cold and challenging.

Taeyong sighs and throws a flour covered, peeled kiwi and the gang leader who cringes as it hits his shirt and slides down it, leaving a trail of fruit juice and wet flour across his torso and a bit down his thigh before it drops onto the floor with a gross but quiet slapping noise as it hit the hard wood.

Taeyong decides that was enough payback and goes to get another kiwi, he returns to the sink and looks at Ten "Make the cake batter and no more making messes" he threatens "Or you will be getting a lot more than a kiwi to the shirt"

He turns back to the sink and returns to his task of preparing the fruit, Ten looks a little stunned as he looked from Taeyong to the squished Kiwi on the ground, he shivered a bit and decided it would be in his best interests to just make the batter, he knew when he needed to back down, especially to protect his pride and image in front of the person who was more or less meant to be his prized pet.

Once the batter was finished and the fruits cut Taeyong put the cake in the oven and set Ten to the task of making the frosting.

Finally it was time to decorate the cake after it was taken out and cooled, Tae let Ten frost the cake and he arranged the cut up fruits at the top and put it in a box. Ten placed the cake away in the fridge for when Taeyong would need it as Tae began to clean up the mess Ten had made, starting with the smooshed kiwi on the floor.

As Tae threw away the kiwi he looked at Ten and pointed a finger at him "You sir have the oddest duality of anyone I have ever met" he sighs.

[bulbspoon9-blog]

classic yellow cake with chocolate buttercream frosting + adelaide’s first birthday

Well, I basically blinked and my baby turned one. Guys, the time FLIES. It really, really does. I can’t believe I’m a year down into this mom-of-two thing. I may have a few more wrinkles and a backlog of eleventy billion hours of sleep I need to catch up on, but man — every day spent with my two girls is sweet (and sometimes sour, when one of them steals a toy from the other one or, heaven forbid, one is eating a banana and the other one isn’t and the one who isn’t eating a banana MUST HAVE THE BANANA NOW, but I digress).

From the last week of April through the first two weeks of May, three of the four of us have birthdays. Addy’s is April 27, mine is May 8 and Avery’s is May 9. So essentially, we just have one ridiculously long birthday celebration for almost a month, with lots of cake. It’s the best.

For Addy’s birthday this year, we had a small family party with some brunch food (guys — I just discovered that I really love quiche. Quiche is tasty! Will be having more quiche in my life) and this yellow cake with chocolate buttercream frosting — a classic birthday cake for a really special little lady. And a good time was had by all.

When I made Avery’s first birthday cake, it was my intention to make that HER cake — as in, every year on her birthday, she gets her special cake. Well, maybe we’ll get to that point, but for now, each year begs for something new from the pint-sized girl with the strong opinions. Last year, it was cupcakes. This year, it was a cake that looked like a bunny. Next year it’ll probably be something similar to those massive displays they make on Cake Wars. Who knows. All I’m saying is, I’m looking forward to the day when she’s finally OK with something that doesn’t involve pink and glitter and maybe doesn’t talk about said cake for six months straight prior to her birthday so then I’d feel reaaaaalll guilty if I didn’t just make the cake she asked for, but ANYWAY. One of these days, we’re going to just stick with the same cake flavor like we did back in my day. Ahem.

But since Addy isn’t old enough to protest and actually never had cake until her first birthday, I got to decide her cake for her. I’ve always been wanting to make a classic yellow cake with chocolate buttercream frosting that really nails how I envision this iconic celebration cake in my mind — a sturdy but moist crumb, lots of vanilla flavor, and the frosting is super chocolatey and fluffy but also thick and almost mousse-like and not too sweet. And sprinkles. There must be sprinkles. And this recipe covers all the bases.

The cake is actually adapted from one of my favorite baking cookbooks, The Vanilla Bean Baking Book (written by Sarah of The Vanilla Bean Blog), and in her recipe Sarah uses the “reverse creaming” method — essentially, this means you add the butter to the dry ingredients and make a coarse crumble of sorts before adding the remaining ingredients, instead of creaming the butter and sugar together first like one typically does with cake. In doing so, the cake is able to be dense but not dry or too heavy — it’s delicate but not overly fluffy like a boxed cake mix can be. I think I’m doing this for all future cakes, because I love the results.

The frosting is an adaptation of a chocolate buttercream from Sally’s Baking Addiction for which I am now officially head over heels. It’s thick and fluffy and intensely chocolate-flavored but not overpowering: which is how I prefer frosting. I can’t stand the super-sweet stuff that takes over the whole flavor of the cake and leaves you with that cloying taste (in fact, I was that kid who always took the frosting off the cupcakes at birthday parties and just ate the cake part). This is so not that frosting. This is the frosting of which dreams are made. It received my grandma’s seal of approval, so you know it’s legit.

Combining those two recipes as my base, putting it all together, adding some sprinkles and topping it all off with a single candle, I had made my classic birthday cake dreams come true. And I think I made every one of Addy’s dreams come true, too, as she devoured that cake like it was her job. As you can tell from the photos below, things got out of hand quickly. She’s amazing.

Happiest of birthdays to you, sweet girl!

Yellow Birthday Cake with Chocolate Buttercream Frosting

Author: Girl Versus Dough

Prep time:  2 hours

Cook time:  17 mins

Total time:  2 hours 17 mins

Yields: 12 servings

3 eggs

2 egg yolks

1 tablespoon vanilla

¾ cup sour cream

¼ cup buttermilk

2 cups all-purpose flour

1½ cups sugar

¾ teaspoon baking powder

¾ teaspoon baking soda

¾ teaspoon salt

½ lb (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature, cut into 1-inch pieces

1¼ cups (2½ sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature

3½ cups powdered sugar

¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder

¼ teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon vanilla

¼ cup heavy cream or milk

First, make the cake: Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour two 8x2-inch round cake pans and line bottoms with parchment paper.

In medium bowl, whisk eggs, egg yolks, vanilla, sour cream and buttermilk.

In bowl of a stand mixer with paddle attachment, mix flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt on low speed until combined. While mixer is running on low speed, slowly add butter pieces one at a time until mixture looks like coarse sand. While mixer is running on low speed, add half the wet ingredients. Increase speed to medium until well mixed, about 30 seconds, then return to low speed. Add remaining wet ingredients, mixing until just combined. Increase speed to medium and beat 20 seconds. Scrape down sides of bowl with spatula and mix batter a few more times.

Divide batter between prepared cake pans and smooth tops with spatula. Tap pans on counter twice to reduce air bubbles. Bake 17-22 minutes until cakes are golden brown and a toothpick inserted in center of each cake pan comes out clean.

Cool cakes in pans on a cooling rack for 30 minutes, then turn cakes out onto rack, remove parchment paper, and cool completely before frosting.

To make the frosting: In large bowl using electric hand mixer or in bowl of stand mixer with whisk attachment, beat butter on high speed 1 minute until smooth and creamy. Meanwhile, in medium bowl, whisk powdered sugar, cocoa powder and salt until combined. With mixer on low speed, slowly add dry ingredients. Add vanilla and cream. Once incorporated, increase speed to high and beat 3 minutes until well combined and fluffy. If frosting is too thin, add more powdered sugar. If frosting is too thick, add more cream.

Frost cake, then top with sprinkles and candles and have a party.

3.2.2802

Source: http://www.girlversusdough.com/2018/05/14/yellow-cake-with-chocolate-buttercream-frosting/

[edmontontouris]

The Basically Buckwheat Chocolate Chip Cookie test went off without a hitch and boy, did I learn a few things. I am a decent baker and my family loves what I make. I (humbly) brag that baking is my superpower. But wow… way to make me feel like I am a rookie Basically… Let me tell you what happened.

But first, you can find this week’s recipe here.

The very first thing the instructions say is to read through the recipe so there are no surprises. I learned that from my mom when I was 10 and starting out as a rookie. It is super important in this recipe because you need to chill the cookie dough for two hours. This isn’t a quickie.

The second thing I did wasn’t in the recipe but I have watched enough Bon Appétit to know that room temperature eggs are important. I have never ever EVER used room temp eggs until this recipe. I put 3 eggs in a bowl and covered them in hot tap water while I melted the butter. It took about 5 minutes. While it was melting, not browning, I weighed my flour.

I had a scale that I received as a gift from my ex. To weigh my food. This was the beginning of my eating disorder. I have used the scale for cooking but I know the scale was a cheap thing and worked well enough for Weight Watchers but it isn’t precise. I bought the scale the BA test kitchen recommended on Amazon and it arrived two days later in a snow storm. I also purchased an oven thermometer. This was eye-opening as well, but I will get to that later.

Where were we? Right, the scale. It has a tare feature which is essential. I put the bowl on the scale, set the tare (which means it cancels out the weight of the bowl and the other ingredients so you can precisely measure the next ingredient), filled and levelled 1 cup of flour like Martha Stewart taught me. I needed 125g of flour. My one-cup measure was 150g.  25g MORE THAN I NEEDED. Ohhhkaaay… scooped out the extra flour. until it read 125g. Set the tare and added the buckwheat flour along with the rest of the dry ingredients. Set this aside.

Normally I would mix the wet ingredients and then sift the dry overtop. But I followed the instructions exactly as written. That meant separate bowls for everything. I put a new clean bowl on the scale, tossed in my melted butter. set the tare, added the sugars and whisked. This was also new for me. I would normally pull out the Kitchen Aid stand mixer and over beat until light and fluffy. The instructions called for 30 seconds of whisking. I set the timer and began. at the 15 sec mark, I thought I was done. but the timer said otherwise, so I kept going. It made a huge difference. It went from combined to glossy. This is the point where I thought I had whisked enough – nope.

I added one egg and mixed until combined, then added the yolks one at a time.

Here is what I learned about room temperature eggs.

They are easier to separate, the white breaks free almost instantly.

They break up like a dream.

They combine almost instantly without the extra fuss of smashing the yolk to break the membrane.

Room temperature eggs make a huge difference!

Then I folded in the flour and gently combined to minimize gluten production. The batter felt light and delicate, never have I ever had delicate cookie batter. I folded in the coarsely chopped chocolate (I never would have bought good bittersweet chocolate before either. WOW is the only adjective that fits.)

The batter is still wet at this point but is said to chill for two hours. I put a plate over the top of the bowl (please stop using single-use plastic) and popped it into the fridge.

Two hours later…

I hung the oven thermometer in my oven and preheated it 350F. When the oven reached the temperature I checked the thermometer.

Ummmm yikes. I did some more reading and the thermometer recommended I wait for two cycles of the oven before checking again. My oven clicks as the elements turn on and off. I waited…

Hoorah! I don’t know what I would have done if it didn’t work. Notice the elements are off and not red.

I rolled the cookies as directed and added bonus chocolate to the cookie balls.  I didn’t use parchment because I am trying to reduce my use of single-use items. I put two sheets into the oven as directed and set the timer for 4 minutes. After four minutes passed, I switched the racks in the oven and checked the thermometer. Leaving the door open for a few short seconds dropped the temperature back down to 300F! Did everyone but me know oven temperatures were fickle? I pulled the cookies out at the 4-minute mark and decided they needed two more minutes because they were still wet looking.

This was the point where you were supposed to sprinkle more salt. My kosher salt is not delicate nor do I have flaky salt. I live in Canada and don’t have the same brands the BA test kitchen suggested, Morton’s or Diamond salt, my salt would have been chunky so I omitted the extra salt. Good thing too. These cookies had enough salt/sweet contrast for me.

I had enough batter for two more cookies. So this time I baked them for eight minutes without opening the oven to achieve the soft chewie cookie. It worked! The cookie was much lighter in colour with two minutes less.

But look at the oven temperature!

When I bake my cookies I place one tray in at a time and keep the oven closed at all times. My first tray is 10 minutes, then I reduce the time, the last tray is 7 minutes. So I instinctively knew my oven was not consistent. It is 20 years old. After I replace my roof shingles, I think this is the next new purchase.

I learned so many new things! Not all sugar is created equal unlike what Chef Michael Smith said. Dark brown sugar will react differently to baking soda than light brown sugar. Plus it has a deeper molasses flavour. If that is what you want, do it! But the science of the dry ingredients changes, so be aware. Room temperature eggs are where it’s at and give your oven lots of time to preheat.

To recap, these are mine on the left and Basically on the right. The buckwheat gives an earthy nutty quality that is fine but not my favourite. I love the bittersweet chocolate more than I thought I would and the sweet/salty ratio is delicious! Would I make these again? Absolutely. These are not a snack cookie, its a one and done for dessert kind of cookie and the recipe only makes one dozen.

    The recipe teaser for next week looks like some sort of quick bread. Perhaps banana bread. I am here for it! Let me know if you made this and how it turned out fo you.

  Basically: Cookies The Basically Buckwheat Chocolate Chip Cookie test went off without a hitch and boy, did I learn a few things.

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

Okay so Sooga can't cook. But can Master Kohga cook? And would he try to teach Sooga, for a bit of domestic fluff goodness??

Imma make this as fluffy as I can for you, anon! I’m gonna be SUPER busy, so some asks will probably be on the back burner. Having said that, Imma dip into these when I can because you guys have SUCH good ideas?? 

Also It’s not that Sooga can’t cook, he just can’t cook WELL. Stuff is always off with his cooking. Too salty, too sweet, undercooked, SOMETHING. Kohga is picky so he notices. Either way, let’s GO!

“Urbosa! Get over here!”

Kohga (as well as the champions) had been spending all day together in the kitchen (upon prompting from Zelda), and Kohga had more or less commanded the cooking area. When Kohga wasn’t busy killing people or sleeping, he was being a rather pleasant company to have around. He started off by making drinks, and Sooga offered to help. Which was apparently a bit of a mistake. Urbosa sighed as she left the table, and walked behind the counter. Kohga motioned to two cups.

“You try one, and tell me which one has alcohol in it.”

Urbosa tried one, then another, lightly shaking her head.

“One on the left? Right one tastes just like juice.”

Kohga motioned wildly to the cups, as if they made a scientific discovery.

“Ha! See, that’s the thing! BOTH do! Somehow!”

“I...don’t put enough alcohol, that’s the hint I’m getting.”

“No matter how many times I shove MY dick in THAT ass, he makes drinks like a FUCKING virgin! You know what, get a fucking apron on, I’m teaching you how to be competent in the kitchen. You can’t JUST have a top notch cock, you dumbshit.”

Kohga turned around to get them both an apron, and Urbosa chuckled at his puzzled reaction.

“Hey, he does have a point. Everyone should learn how to cook. Besides, him being this upset just means he really loves you.”

“Don’t you DARE make me out to be mushy, Urbosa!”

Kohga walked back up to them, throwing a pink apron at Sooga’s face. Urbosa chuckled as Kohga put his own on. It was clear she was right, but the relationship was still new to him, so he was still in denial of his feelings. Urbosa grabbed one of the drinks (Kohga’s, obviously), and shrugged.

“I’ll just be taking this then, carry on love birds.”

Kohga lifted a finger to retort, before Urbosa turned around and joined Daruk back at the table. Kohga waved her off, muttering something under his breath. Sooga couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re just charming, Master Kohga.”

“Save the sweet for the cooking, tits mcgee.”

Kohga patted his left tit, before going to the sink and washing his hands, Sooga following suit.

“So? What will we be making?”

“Good question. What do you WANT to make?”

“Hmm...what’s something YOU like?”

“Kiss ass.”

Kohga chuckled, drying his hands with a towel. Sooga honestly just lived for Kohga, and it was terribly sweet of him.

“Alright, let’s do crepes with fried bananas.”

Sooga nodded, more than confident enough to prove himself. Kohga dug into the cabinets to grab everything (with help from Sooga. Tall bastard), before Kohga put two bowls in front of them.

“Now, follow me. We’re gonna add a cup of the tabantha flour. Then, a tablespoon of sugar.”

“I always thought it was a cup of both.”

“No wonder you always burn those fuckers- that much sugar burns it, you dumbshit. Now, not everyone does this, but they SHOULD. Add some salt, help balance out. If you think a food doesn’t need SOME salt, you’re wrong.”

Sooga nodded along, carefully listening and following his instructions, as if this was a training session. 

“How did you learn all this?”

“Mom taught me. She loved cooking, but she worked hard, so sometimes she was too tired to cook. When I got older, I ended up doing the cooking around the house. You only get better the more you do it. Except YOUR drinks, you’re hopeless.”

“Like my love for you.”

“Iean down, imma smack you upside the head.”

Sooga chuckled, watching his little master grumble to himself. Kohga took out another bowl, and added milk, as well as an egg.

“Now. You mix the wet and the dry together.”

“Why not just do it all together to begin with?”

“Lumps, you get lots of ‘em if you do that.”

Sooga nodded, watching as Kohga mixed the ingredients in their separate bowls. Sooga could watch Kohga cook all day, if he let him. Sooga copied Kohga as they mixed the dry and wet together, whisking it till it was nice and liquidy.

“It’s supposed to be this liquidy?”

“Yeah, any thicker and it’s a pancake. Now, we’re gonna put this in the fridge for as long as we can, get some flavor out of it.”

“What do we do while we wait?”

Sooga took the bowls, and put them in the fridge, just in time to catch Kohga grabbing bananas and putting them on a cutting board.

“We prep everything else. This should be easy for you. I need you to cut all these in little squares. And listen to me while I show you what I’m doing, but be careful.”

“Afraid I’ll cut myself?”

Sooga grinned as he peeled the bananas, starting to cut. One thing Sooga was VERY good at in the kitchen, was cutting. Always clean, always uniform. Kohga dug into the bag of sugar that he had at his side, and tossed a bit towards Sooga’s apron. Wasteful? A bit, but Sooga’s dumb smile was getting on his nerves.

“If you don’t, at this point I will. Now, I’m gonna throw some butter in this pan, and we’re gonna add the bananas here soon as you’re done. This, and some whipped cream, is gonna be our filling.”

“Doesn’t it burn if it’s hot?”

“If you actually know how it works, no.”

Sooga was careful not to cut himself as he watched Kohga throw butter, sugar, and some spices onto the pan. He watched as the sugar browned slightly, and Kohga motioned for Sooga to pour the fruit in. Once it was inside, Kohga handed him the spatula.

“Now, keep mixing it. Don’t change the temp, don’t let it sit.”

Sooga watched as Kohga grabbed a bag of acorns and chickaloo tree nuts. He cracked them surprisingly effortlessly in his hands, quickly and efficiently separating the shells from the insides. Sooga found it hard to pay attention to the pan, and his Master’s hands. How did hands so soft and lovely make such hard work look so easy?

“Is that going in the batter?”

“No, with the bananas. Adds some crunch, and a little bit of sweet.”

Kohga’s arm pushed against him as he added the nuts to the pan, motioning for Sooga to keep going. 

“Now, this is just how I like it, but we’re gonna add a swig of apple juice. Adds a BIT of tart, because this is going to be sweet as hell. Especially since we’re gonna add a touch of rum, to taste.”

“...Master Kohga?”

“Don’t tell me I lost you already, big guy.”

“Just in your eyes, Master Kohga.”

Kohga looked up at him, and reached his hand up, pushing him away a bit.

“You are SO mushy. No wonder you can’t cook right, you’re too busy ogling me all damn day.”

“You make it quite hard to focus.”

He chuckled. He kept mixing, as he was instructed. Kohga added butter to the pan, shaking his head at Sooga’s stupidity. He was just, such a lovestruck idiot. Once the butter started to lightly bubble, Kohga dug into the fridge, bringing out the batter.

“Okay, let’s start the important part. You can turn that off, cover it with the pot lid. I’m gonna let you do the first one. Three tablespoons into the pan.”

Kohga gave him the proper pouring tool, and Sooga obeyed. He was about to ask what to do next, when Kohga held onto his hand, helping him turn the pan. Sooga could chuckle like a lovesick fool right now, honestly. He really did have nice, soft hands, and Sooga wanted to hold them forever.

“Tilt to get it everywhere. Nice and slow, get it everywhere. Three minutes, then flip. Anymore and it’s like eating a damn ear. Speaking of ears, are you listening?”

“To every word, Master Kohga. Every single, solitary word.”

Kohga turned to look at him, finally seeing why he sounded more stupid than usual. He was SWOONING. Literally looking at him, and SWOONING like an idiot. Kohga scoffed, flipping the crepe for him.

“Alright, then listen to this. See how it’s got a nice, brown crust? We want it kinda crispy.”

Kohga let Sooga ogle him for three minutes, before finally taking it out of the pan, setting it onto a table.

“Taste it.”

“You?”

“W-no, the crepe you dingbat!”

Even Kohga had to chuckle at that. It’s why Kohga never let his ass watch him cook, it was just. All of this. They split the crepe, and Sooga nodded.

“You’re truly wonderful, Master Kohga. It’s lovely.”

“Good. Now, you’re turn, all by yourself.”

Kohga was going to step back, but Sooga’s puppy dog eyes kept him standing right there. Sooga added the batter to the pan, carefully turning the mixture till it coated the whole pan. He waited the three minutes, before flipping it. Kohga nodded in approval.

“Good crust, good crust. Keep it going.”

And that’s exactly what he did. Kohga sat there, watching his Sooga make crepe after crepe, and Kohga couldn’t help but chuckle. He was constantly asking if it was okay, constantly peering over him for approval. Honestly, if Kohga told this man to get him a piece of the moon, Sooga wouldn’t hesitate to reach for the stars. Soon enough, there wasn’t any mix left, in turn, leaving quite a stack of crepes. Kohga flipped through the stack, nodding.

“Better. Though some are a bit darker than others. We’ll work on that. Now, best part.”

Kohga placed one on the plate, added a hefty dollop of cream and honey, then folded it into a nice triangle like shape. Sooga watched him carefully, clearly wanting it to be perfect. Kohga folded another with cream and honey, then another. His usual was three at a time, but he might just have more (to support Sooga of course). He topped it off with the banana mixture, and dusted it with powdered sugar, just to make it look good. Sooga followed his stead, though he didn’t do it so cleanly. Folding it was hard for him apparently, causing him to get whipped cream all over his fingers, and even on his mask. It was a sloppy plate, but it was Sooga’s plate. Kohga shook his head once he saw the state of Sooga.

“For the love of- get over here, idiot.”

Kohga grabbed a hold of his face, wiping the cream off of his mask. Sooga sat there, letting him do so with such loving eyes. It was totally gross, in a sweet way.

“Master Kohga?”

“If the question is ‘am I an idiot’, then absolutely.”

Sooga chuckled, lightly shaking his head.

“I just...thank you. I enjoy listening to you when you teach. You love what you do, and there’s something so absolutely beautiful about that.”

“Yeah yeah...well. I like teaching you. You’re eager to learn.”

“I’m eager for YOU, Master Kohga.”

“Well geez Sooga, I know I’m pretty sweet, but-”

Before Kohga could finish his retort, Sooga suddenly lifted him off the floor, lifting their masks up a bit, and kissing him, right in his gorgeous lips. Was it a bit much, nearly throwing Kohga onto the counter and leering over him to kiss him? Absolutely, but neither seemed to care in the slightest. Just for a minute, they were there in an embrace, as sweet as sweet could be. Totally ignoring the table of people just a few feet away. Daruk lightly coughed, trying to ignore the fact that Sooga’s tight grip on his Master’s ass was smearing whipped cream everywhere.

“I...don’t think we’re gonna be eatin’ anything any time soon.”

[tyleranorman]

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Relaxed Hair – 2013

Looking back at this point in time, my hair was fried, I’ll be honest. The crazy thing is, I didn’t even know it back then. To me, this was getting closer to that ideal image of beautiful hair. I was blind to the fact I was destroying my hair to fit European beauty standards. With every pass of a flat-iron and damaging relaxer, I was demolishing my natural curl pattern and erasing genetic blessings. Not only was I disrupting the physical nature of my hair but the spiritual too; all of its essence and internal energy.  Spending money to be like someone else while destroying myself, all to be apart of a beauty a standard. Becoming further distant from the true definition a beauty; loving myself and all that I come with.

As time passed, the curly hair trend began running it’s course. Celebrities like Christina Milian played as the pretty girl in movies; she was straight poppin’ in Love Don’t Cost a Thing. I saw the look wanted the same attention. So I hopped on the trend too (barely). I further began manipulating my strands to resemble other girls. I used flexi rods, curlers, and curling irons to achieve some sort of a curl pattern. Still blind to the beauty I had previously damaged.

Embracing My Own Beauty – 2014

If I could narrate my own journey I’d ask when was this girl going to stop ignoring her own beauty by manipulating her hair to look like someone else’s? I was doing the most to create a replica of a projected image, searching for visual appeal in everything outside of myself.

Similar to the Film Nappily Ever After with Saniyah Lathan, it took a salon disaster and all of my hair nearly falling out for me to start making a change in my perspective. After seeing the condition my hair had gotten to, I knew I could no longer use chemicals nor heat or my hair would never reach health. I decided to go natural.

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The Transition – 2015

When I first started my transition phase, I refused to do the big chop. For me I still wanted my hair to be somewhat nice looking, and because I was still swallowed up in conditioned ideas, I associate beautiful hair with length. So, I held on to my length during the beginning of my transition. I worked with two different hair patterns; my new growth and my dead ends. Due to this inconsistency in texture, there were only few hairstyle suitable; buns, braids, twist outs, and flexi rods.

Shoutout to natural hair gurus on YouTube and Pinterest because ya girl was lost. This was all so new to me, so, I dedicated my free time to watching tutorials of natural hair. Searching ways to make hair grow, tips for transitioning hair, products for natural hair, and tips for getting rid of a relaxer. At this point I wasn’t aware that the only way to get rid of dead hair was to cut it off! Still, I followed different regimens like oiling my scalp nightly, using natural hair products, and the inversion method. To my surprise, I began seeing growth!

How I Transitioned

Oiling scalp nightly with castor oil and olive oil

Using ONLY natural hair products (parabean free, alchohol free, sulfate free, natural ingredients etc.)

Using protective styles (BUNS, braids, twist etc.)

Drinking a TON of water

Taking vitamins

HYDRATING then MOISTURIZING (hydrating is using water or water based product; moisturizing is sealing the hydration in with an oil or butter)

Satin scarf /satin pillow case while sleeping

Deep conditioning once a week

Continuing to learn about natural hair

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The BIG CHOP – 2015

After my new growth reach a desirable length I decided to let those dead ends go. Not so much the big chop, but a medium chop. Which still took a lot of courage out of me. With new hair came a new Tyler.

I like to refer to this time period as trial and error. My hair had been relaxed for the past 7 years, little did I know there was so much more to learn about natural hair. The thing is, everyone’s natural hair is completely different. What works for someone else, might be horrible for the next person. So, I sampled different regimens to figure out what would work best for me. I tried out deep conditioners, various combs/brushes, leave in conditioners, smoothies, gels, and oils. Then, I tried different techniques like finger detangling, shingling, air drying, and defusing. Not to mention, I had to figure out what order to perform these regimens and how often.

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Bleach – 2016

My hair had grown tremendously in the past year and I was so content with how well I was taking care of it.

Then, college happened.

Seeking attention from the wrong crowd; I searched for a way to stand out and feel as though I existed. My hair seemed so plain and well.. natural. So, I went for something to make me pop out a little more; purple hair it was. I assumed my hair was healthy enough to withstand the change and proceeded with bleaching and dying my hair. Immediately after washing the dye out I noticed a difference. My hair was almost lifeless; lacking bounce with the texture of straw. 

As time went on, I nourished my hair to as much strength as I could with frequent hot oil treatments and deep conditions. For a while, I was happy with my looser curl pattern; it was longer and looked more “mixed”. Sort of like the idea I was going for when I first desired curly hair. I still wasn’t understanding the concept of going natural. It wasn’t just about having curly hair, but having NATURAL hair. Accepting and loving the hair that natural grows from the roots of my head.

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 Cut it – 2017 

Because I was still trying to manipulate my hair to look and be like someone else’s, I had to start over. My curls no longer bounced back when I brushed them and my ends were bone straight when wet. I realized the bleach was still considered a chemical that damaged the natural curl pattern of my hair. The purple had to GO.

After the cut, there was a freeness unleashed. Letting go of those dead ends symbolized me letting go of old parts of myself. Releasing old beliefs and ideas about my hair. Those heavy and brittle strands on the end were old energy no longer serving me. Only weighing down my crown; preventing transition and growth.  If a flower didn’t let old petals fall, it would never grow newer and healthier ones. It was time to start fresh and welcome a new me on this journey again. 

Maintaining Healthy Hair- 2017 

After two rounds of damaging my hair I finally understood and applied the true concept of natural hair to my life. I learned more about my hair including: its history, the curl pattern, and the porosity. I began admiring details; the way each curl created a spiral pattern as it grew, resembling the curvy essence of femininity. I honored the dedication of taking care of it, knowing that the most sacred things in life are cared for. I began to fall in love with my luscious strands. I understood the history, the meaning, the time, and energy it needed. I loved it and it loved me back.

I researched continuously; on the way finding out my ancestors used gifts from the earth to charge their crown. Which then resulted in long and beautiful hair. I gained an understanding of what my hair liked and my hair needed; trying some amazing products along the way.

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Loving Natural Hair – 2018

Natural hair is not just wanting bouncy curls, or an afro, and any other form of vanity. Natural is hair is more than what’s on the outside, its’ whats on the inside. My natural hair journey was apart of my journey of self-love. In fact, it was the first step in my journey. Going and staying natural was the first step in loving my true self. This step lead to a lifelong journey of continuously finding love deeper within myself. Becoming and sharing my authenticity with the world. Despite how long it took for me to get there, I finally stopped comparing my hair and my entire essence to others. I began loving myself as is. Then, understanding the power of my own self love; the power behind the perception we have of ourselves.

It helped to compare my hair to a plant. When it is not rooted, watered, nourished, and loved, it does not grow. Just like plants, we are ( including our hair)  made from tiny cells which are each living organisms. Those cells listen, they feel, and condition themselves to perform according to the mind which controls them. When you speak kind words to plants, they grow faster. Our hair is the same; when we brush our hair speaking or even thinking thoughts of it being annoying or ugly, desiring to change its nature, and not appreciating the beauty its expressing to us, the cells are listening and conforming to match the energy of our thoughts.

Make your hair routine a sacred ritual. A time for showing yourself love and care. A time for infusing gratitude and high vibrations into your crown. Begin admiring the creative detail. Speak kind words to your hair; tell it you love it, you appreciate it, and you accept it. Then, watch your hair thrive into the beautiful plant it is.

My hair type: 3C, 4A

Porosity: Low

Routine: pre-poo with oil, shampoo, condition, detangle, deep condition (1 hour with heat), leave in conditioner, smoothie or gel , oil, and air dry. Repeat 1X per week and oil scalp 5-7X per week.

Favorite Products

Carol’s Daughter Black Vanilla Leave in Contioner

Carols’s Daughter Coco Cream Coil Enhancing Moisture Butter 

Mielle Organics Pomegranate and Honey Leave in Conditioner 

Shea Moisture Manuka Honey Masque

Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie

Shea Moisture Super Fruit Complex (THE WHOLE LINE)

Maui Moisture Coconut Oil Curl Quench Smoothie

Shea Moisture Amla Oil

 Favorite Natural Plants/Seeds  

Avocado (deep condition)

Raw Unfiltered Honey (deep condition)

Aloe Vera Plant (deep condition)

Bananas (deep condition

Flax Seed (gel)

Fenugreek (spray)

Almond oil

Coconut Oil

Olive oil

Shea Butter

Mango Butter

Argan Oil

Jamican black Castor Oil

Rosemary essential oil

Peppermint essential oil

Free your mind and free your hair.

#Naturalisthewaytoglow 

HERE – is a link to my Pinterest page on hair care! More recipes!

If this blog was helpful or you have more questions about your hair journey feel free to submit a comment! I would love to help!

My Natural Hair Journey Relaxed Hair - 2013 Looking back at this point in time, my hair was fried, I'll be honest.

[theuniversalrecord]

Musana (A Quatriman Fruit Bread!)

Author: L. A. Lanquist (he/him)

Content Warnings: Food

Musana (A Quatriman Fruit Bread!)

By Stratton Miller (he/him)

[Image description: a loaf of bread with a pinkish tint to it on a black ceramic platter, one slice cut away to reveal an almost cake-like consistency to it.]

It seems to me like since the dawn of time, people have been mixing sugar and carbs for a sweet treat. Of course, that can mean all kinds of things, but what I’ll be sharing with y’all today is a modified recipe for Musana, a Quatriman fruit bread. Now, the Quatrimans don’t really have a concept for fruit or for bread, and Musana really refers to a food-based gift given to guests during a particular season. But, this fruit bread is a Musana that is the most popular because of the fact that arpana--the fruit used in this recipe--is abundant on their planet, Raherm. I didn’t spend too long on Rahern, this time, because unfortunately most of what the Quatrimans eat is toxic to humans (other than this fruit and the Musana that goes along with it, of course!)

The primary ingredients for this are the arpana fruit that I mentioned before, any kind of dry starch like flour, and some kind of fermentation. This could be yeast or even just letting the arpana ripen for a little while. Now, the arpana fruit is not something you’ll be able to easily find in a market (though the Quatrimans definitely do export it, I checked!), so if you can’t use arpana, you can definitely replace it with something else. The closest Human equivalent would probably be a banana, but it’s not quite as sweet or as sour as arpana. I’d suggest you let your bananas brown, and then add something like half a squeezed lemon, with about a cup of sugar. That might be too sweet for some folks, but it’d be more accurate.

[Image description: an arpana with its cream-colored, hard, dimpled shell, partially cracked on the top. Next to it is a bowl filled with the bright pink innards of the arpana, unmashed and out of focus.]

First thing you’ll want to do is crack open two arpanas. It’s got a hard shell, but if you hit it with a can of beans or something similar, it should crack open enough for you to pull it apart. I would not recommend trying to open the shell like you would with an egg--it’s not quite viscous enough on the inside to keep you from making a mess of your kitchen counter. When you pull it apart, I suggest you try and get it into two parts, or at the very least have a bowl at hand, because the inner bits definitely won’t stay attached to the shell. If you’re doing bananas instead of arpana, now’s the time for you to squeeze half a lemon in there. Once you’ve got all of that in your bowl, you’re going to want to mash it well.

[Image description: a bowl with flour, salt, and a light red-colored spice (Bakarat).]

In a separate bowl, you’ll want to prepare your dry ingredients--remember, always mix your dry ingredients first, otherwise the small things like seasoning won’t spread all the way throughout your Musana. Your dry ingredients will be two cups of flour and a teaspoon of salt for balance. Some recipes use bakarat to add some depth--you can supplement cinnamon or nutmeg to get the same flavor. If you’re going for the bananas-and-lemon route, you should go ahead and add your half-cup of sugar and some baking soda (a teaspoon if your bananas are brown, two if they’re not). Stir all of that well.

[Image description: The bowl with the dry ingredients and the mashed pink innards of the arpana. Stratton Miller’s thin hands mix them together]

Normally on Rahern, the next step would be done with both the host(s) and their guest(s), but it’s fine if it’s just you. You’re going to pour your wet ingredients all into the same big bowl as your dry ones and mix them together. If you want to get some of that Quatriman-authenticity, have a friend or a family member come and mix it with you by hand. If not, you can just use a spoon or a fork.

[Image description: A bowl with the pink mixture from before, now with the addition of melted butter and an uncooked egg.]

Next, to finish you’re batter, you’re going to want to add a quarter cup of melted butter and one large egg cracked. This is where things get finicky. The actual way to make this Musana involves a kind of cream from a big mammal that needs very different amino acids than the ones we Humans can handle. When I was in Rahern, though, I managed to find one person who could make it without that cream, but they were really secretive about this recipe. Honestly, I think they just didn’t like the idea of outsiders, because they didn’t let me mix the wet and dry ingredients as is usually customary. So, I had to adjust. It took me some time on my ship with all kinds of different ingredients, but this was the closest I could get to the flavor. If you want to make it fluffier, I’d suggest you go ahead and beat your egg well until it froths up some before you combine it with the other ingredients.

[Image description: the same image as up above--a loaf of bread with a pinkish tint to it on a black ceramic platter, one slice cut away to reveal an almost cake-like consistency to it.]

Now that you’ve got your batter, grease a 9x5 loaf pan (the actual shape is supposed to be like an oval, but this’ll do just fine) and stick it in your oven at 165 degrees C for about an hour. As always, you know your own oven best, so if you need to take it out earlier or later, that’s fine. Just make sure that when you do the knife test, it’ll come back clean.

And that’s Musana! I’d suggest you keep it in your fridge for a few days, maybe heating it up in the microwave with a cup of water next to it to keep it from being too dry. If you want to make it vegan, replace the egg with applesauce and the butter with vegetable shortening--though you’ll want to take it out a little bit sooner. The flour can be replaced with almond flour or something similar, though it may end up browning a bit more. I’m a big fan of having a small slice of this with breakfast or with some vanilla ice cream as a dessert. Make sure to share it with friends, though, to make it a real Musana!

[Image description: the fully condensed recipe card for Stratton Miller’s Musana.]

[Image description: the cover of Tasting Stardust, showing a frying pan, a chef’s knife, and a salt shaker floating through space with a large star shining in the background.]

Now, if you follow my newsletter, you’ll know that my book just went on pre-order! Please go and buy my book, Tasting Stardust, I made it this far thanks to all of y’all’s support, and it’d mean the stars to me (get it?) if you’d read it. In it, I mention one other recipe I got from my visit to Rahern: Lemarna, a savory-sweet hand pie!

Thank you again, and--always and forever--have a nice day y’all.

[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: KiraKira Crate August 19

I don’t have anything worth mentioning, so we’re going to get right into this!

This months theme: Glisten, Glimmer, Glow

“Inspired by the festival and firework season in Japan, this month is all about the essentials for a sparkling face. On these nights everyone goes out looking their best, to stare with starlit eyes at the sky so August’s crate is an essential glowing face routine to treat your skin!“

Okay, so have 2 face oriented boxes back-to-back like this is a little annoying, but rather than judge that we’ll be looking at the items specifically. I really liked the NMNL contents for August so lets see how KiraKira Crate does :D

CHOOSY Lip Pack

Yeah... I feel like I kinda jinxed myself with this one. Did you see my NMNL review I posted yesterday? Do you remember I said something like “I don’t like banana, so I’m glad I got chocolate mint“?

I really need to learn to shut up <3< I’ve seen this one show up in a few boxes when they featured varieties of these to get, but I don’t recall if I ever had it before. I feel like I did, but I’m not 100% sure.

CHOOSY makes nice lip sheets in a wide variety of scents/flavors/ingredients, much like Pure Smile and face masks. I usually like them, and they do work, there’s no stinging numbness or anything, and they help with lip soreness, but I can’t say the moistening effect is long-term. They do suggest using a lip scrub prior to application, and I always wear them the full amount of time, but you can’t expect the effects to last a whole day or anything.

BUT for the fun factor these would be great to use at a slumber party or if you’re just hanging out with some friends. I also think the effects would last long enough if you wanted to use it prior to a date, meeting, work, party, etc.

As someone who dislikes banana I decided I’d give this to my mom once I smelled it (it smells like realistic and artificial banana with a hint of chocolate), she loves banana-anything, and was actually complaining her lips were sore this morning. I thought it would be a nice pick-me-up before her first chemotherapy session; besides the cookies I’ll make after I finish the review.

Brown Eyeliner

I have mixed feelings about this next item- and not because its an eyeliner.

It was really hard to open up its plastic case (both side flaps were opened slightly, but it had a tiny glued spot next to the hole on top, you can see it in the pic), and in my attempts to open it, a sharp piece of the plastic broke off and hit my neck. I freaked out more over my cats finding it than I did actually checking the skin (don’t worry, there was no blood or anything), but so far I only found one piece of it. After it broke off it split into two pieces, so I’ll be trying to look for that (or doing some vaccuming) later.

Anyway, this is a basic brown eyeliner and according to the package it’s one of the best right now? I don’t know but that’s what I assume the sticker meant. It contains hyaluronic acid and capixyl, which moisturize and stimulate hair growth.

Now, it says its brown, and I noticed when I applied it to the packaging for another item in the box it looks light brown. But on the box itself (and my skin) it looks black. It has a very fine tip, and due to my inability to put on eyeliner I had my doubts it’d work- but surprisingly I made one eye actually look not bad. I was so surprised!

But then I completely failed on the other eye...

We’re making progress :D

The book also says its waterproof, but I used water to wipe it off really easily. But might have just come off because I only had it on like 10 minutes? It might have needed more time to adhere/stick to the skin.

Hyaluronic Acid Lotion

An essential skincare item is lotion; it makes the skin feel soft and smooth, and helps repair dry, achy, itchy spots too. So what better than a lotion made from Hyaluronic Acid? It also includes high concentrates antioxidant astaxanthin to moisturize the skin and protect it against deterioration and signs of aging, retain moisture, improve elasticity, and protect the skin from UV rays.

This item is sort of a combo in which it goes very well with another item we’ll be taking a look at shortly. It has a typical smell of any liquid lotion/hyaluronic acid product, and a very faint pinkish color.

I have a few other products like this one, so I don’t really have too much to say about it- but I did like how my skin felt after use. I used it with the next item as suggested and my skin felt pretty refreshed and smooth. This would be good to use before bedtime or in the morning after waking up.

Pata Pata Puff

This is the item that goes with the above, a patting puff from the brand Piera. It’s a simple looking tool, but its very easy to supply items for. All you do is wet it (its shrunken when you first get it, you need to let it get puffed up), then apply something thin and runny, like liquid lotions, cleansers, or moisturizes. You pat your face with the puff, which gently massages and disperses the product into the skin.

Some of you may recall that I already have my Panda Patting tool, which I’ve become very fond of using since I got it. It’s mess free and your hands don’t get all gross and sticky. But I’m always open-minded with new items (I try to be anyway <_<), so I thought “Maybe I’ll like it just as much“, and you know what, I think I do. It’s essentially the same thing, but rather than attaching a cotton swab or sheet to apply product, you just wet the piece. They work and feel the same so I would recommend both of them!

Gold Eye Gloss

Our final item is this really pretty golden brown liquid eye shadow/gloss, perfect for festival season or going to watch fireworks. It’s by Crayon Touch-Me, which must be becoming very popular. I know I say this all the time, but I feel like as time passes by I’m finding out this company makes even more!

Plus look how cute and little the bottle is~

It looks exactly like how it seems in the tube and the pic on the packaging. I rubbed one part of it and left the other side as is, so that you can see how it compares. It’s gold with a slightly natural brown hue. It’s really pretty and avoids being obnoxiously noticeable, instead it brightens the eye. It also dries very quickly and feels light on the skin, not heavy or cakey at all. I feel like you could get away with using this as a body glitter too if you blended it out.

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content - 4.5 out of 5. I like the products pretty decently, but I was a little disappointed there wasn’t any variety to the box. Usually we have at least one item come in a few different forms, and I think it’s more fun that way when they do that. 

Theme - 3 out of 5. For the last summer box of KiraKira this year, I think they did pretty fun. I can definitely see the theme of enjoying a summer festival and its fireworks, especially the chocolate banana (which are a very common snack at festivals) and of course you’d want to look pretty for a festival or hanging out on a summer evening. But I also feel like these items aren’t really summer exclusive, if you know what I mean.

Price - 2.5 or 3 out of 5. I don’t know how much these items are combined, but for a box we pay about 30.00 for (give or take) I feel like these items don’t really match. All but one are reusable but that doesn’t change how small they are you know? Maybe I’m being picky, but they look really tiny once you take away all the packaging.

Total Rank: 8 out of 10 Cuties. I liked the items, but they’re not exactly summer only items like I was used to seeing in previous boxes. They’re also really small when it comes down to it, although they do work and they were very nice, I didn’t hate anything (minus my disliking of bananas). I hate it when boxes don’t include variety in an item because I feel like it takes away some of the fun or surprise element, but as long as the items are good I don’t think it matters too much. So if you don’t care about price I’d recommend this if you’re looking for a mix of face products. 

♥ Cutie Scale ♥

1. Gold Eye Gloss - It just feels good on the eye and looks so nice, I’m even wearing it now :3

2. Pata Pata Puff - I still like my panda a little more, but this was really fun to use and my skin feels so nice. I’m pretty sure I’ll be alternating use between them~

3. Eyeliner - It’s pretty boring and plain, it doesn’t seem to really offer anything special or different than the other eyeliners I don’t use. 

4. CHOOSY lip pack - As much as I dislike bananas, I do like how these make my lips feel for the duration the effect lasts.

5. Hyaluronic Acid Lotion - It’s nice and all and the very faint color is pretty, but I already have products like this.

Well, that does it for this review ♥ Hope you guys enjoyed! Until next time, remember to open up a box of cuteness and bake something sweet for a loved one~

[justmyinkblot]

I decided to start the Maximum Hydration Method on a Friday to avoid having to worry about dropping my daughter off at school with a shower cap on. It was a LOT of work. I have pretty strict Monday-Friday rules for myself. I write a scene a day up front, and then I use whatever time I have until school pick-up for errands, or chores. I made sure I ran through my own usual process so I could fairly assess the before and after. I had an hour and half to gather all the ingredients, which included things that sounded hard to find like,  Bentonite clay, and liquid aminos. Between Whole Foods and Harmon, I found every single thing at a $50 price tag when all was said and done. Well, I did flub a bit on the applicator bottles. Why did I think 4 oz travel bottles would work? Probably because I was rushing. If I had to do it again, I would have prepped by hanging onto empty conditioner/shampoo bottles. Luckily I did have a couple hanging about, and the applicator tips from my too-small bottles fit them. I could have saved about $10 by planning ahead.

Once all the ingredients were procured, and the kids were back home doing homework, I got to work.

MHM Step One: Detangle and Cherry Lola

The Cherry Lola Treatment is a strictly Day One product. Once the 7 day cycle is complete you’re free to repeat it as often as every two weeks. I used half of the recommended baking soda, because this is an intended abrasive, and other curly girls have reported a potential disruption of curl. I also added an entire TBSP of avocado, because I didn’t have a 3/4 TBSP and I figured it couldn’t hurt. Oh, yeah, and I got to eat the rest of the avocado! Bonus yum! In my house bananas don’t last long enough to become overripe, so, at the suggestion of one of my friends, I baked a plantain in the toaster oven at 300 for 30 minutes. It worked to achieve the consistency the Cherry Lola Treatment requires, but I can tell you, after frying up the other half, it wasn’t sweet. Still, a couple slices double fried made excellent tostones! Bonus yum 2!!

My favorite part was detangling my hair. I never do this on dry hair, because it stretches my curl straight. Not completely straight. It’s about as straight as you can get a sheet of paper after you’ve crumpled it into a small ball. No matter how hard you push or press, without heat, it will always have creases. The same holds true for my hair getting detangled by a comb. It was like watching the balloons inflate for The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. The circumference of my hair was stupendous. I couldn’t help but to take a selfie break. This needed to be documented. I should also mention, seeing the magnitude of my mane was a bucket lister for my husband. Bonus Dreams Coming True!

I combined the ingredients easily into the Ninja Blender Large Carafe until it looked like a kale smoothie. I didn’t bother trying to pour it into an applicator bottle. Instead I took the pitcher into the bathroom, and scooped it out as I saturated my hair with it. Definitely messy!! Be prepared to clean the tub afterwards.

The first thing I’ll say is that my hair did NOT like this combination of being detangled, and then coated with goop. Some of it started to frizz rebelliously, and it felt like it would never feel completely wet. I just kept applying it root to tip until it was all one big mass that I could wind into a bun on the top of my head. I covered it with saran wrap, and used a bandana to cover the edges.

     I stored the rest in a mason jar in the fridge. I think I have enough left for two more applications, but I’m not really sure how long this kind of mixture can be stored.

     Meanwhile, I prepared and bottled the rest of the rinses. I decided that I’d alternate ACV rinses and the option 2 baking soda rinse. Both were easy to prep. I used an old leave-in conditioner bottle to store the option 2 baking soda rinse, and still had about 4 ounces left over. Well, well, well, travel-sized bottle. One of you has served a purpose. The ACV rinse is all liquid, so I stored it in a 6 oz bottle I found, which an applicator tip fit on perfectly. *Note* Since writing this I have already completed some of the MHM cycle, and have since learned that the best practice for this rinse is a spray bottle.

     The clay rinse is slightly more complicated. If I’d bothered to read the directions more clearly, I would have seen the recommendation was to use an old 32 oz shampoo/conditioner bottle. It wouldn’t have mattered, because I didn’t have one of those, but I feel like I would’ve tried harder to source one. I mixed the conception in an old ricotta cheese container. It’s supposed to be a liquid consistency, but I left it a little gloppy. I figured I’d have to add water to it when I used it the next day, and would handle it in the moment.

This clay rinse is too thick to be used as-is, but I can add water when I need it.

     Once all the products were prepped and bottled, I took some time to clean up. Then I cooked dinner.

     It was over two hours later when I washed it off in the shower.

MHM Step Two: Deep Condition

     The MHM Method offers you a few options here, all of which involve 2-3 ounces of conditioner mixed with 4-6 ounces of water in an applicator bottle. The difference in the options has to do with length of time to keep the conditioner in, and the temperature of the conditioner you use.

Option 1 is to apply the conditioner mixed with temperate water, to your soaking wet hair, and leave it in overnight under a shower cap.

Option 2 is to apply the conditioner mixed with warm water (or tea), and then sit under a steamer hood (if you have one) for 15 minutes.

Option 3 is the same as option 2, just without the steamer hood, under a shower cap for 15 minutes. Alternatively, you can sit in a hot shower and let that function as a heat source, but that may be a big wasteful for some folks.

     I picked option 1 for Day One, just to give my hair the extra oomph. I mixed 4 ounces of water with 2 ounces of conditioner in an applicator bottle, and applied that to my still soaking wet hair after I’d turned the water off. I tried the saran wrap and bandana method, but it didn’t hold up to couch cuddling with my honey. I swapped it for my go-to overnight hair wrap from back when I was plopping my curls on the reg— the Curly Hair Tee. The recommendation is to seal in the heat with some kind of plastic shower cap, I think, but I couldn’t deal with it overnight.

     Remember how I told you in the last post, how I chose the FaceValues Tea Tree Oil Conditioner? Before you run out and purchase it, let me first warn you that the ingredients DO include Tee Tree Oil and spearmint. Either of these ingredients will make your scalp tingle, but the combination is pretty intense. Personally, I didn’t find it to be horrible. In fact, since it’s allergy season, the aromas actually helped keep my sinuses clear, which I found to be a major plus. I could see others, particularly those with low pain tolerance, or sensitive scalps, being really uncomfortable with it. My husband did his best to tolerate my minty-fresh scent, but I know it wasn’t the most fun for him either.

     Going to bed was NOT the end of Day One.

     In the morning I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair. I’d read that the best method was to pour water over your hair with a pitcher. I tried it, and found that my hair was incredibly soft and easy to detangle with my fingers BUT I ended up using my detachable shower head to make sure it was all out of my hair. Either way, my back was very unhappy afterwards. Bending over for long periods of time stinks. Don’t forget to stretch!

MHM Step Three: Clay Rinse

     I admit, this time I was also not paying much attention to the rules. Instead of thinning out the goopy clay mixture, I used the same scoop and saturate method I’d used with the Cherry Lola Treatment. Again, very messy. I vowed not to do that again, as I washed the tub after application. This was another back breaker too. the recommendation was to NOT pull it into a huge mass, but I didn’t listen to that either. It was so messy I couldn’t imagine being able to apply this AND try to coil it. A better solution was required. Either way I wrapped it into a shower cap and left it for 30 minutes, but 15 minutes is the minimum.

     I rinsed this off in the shower. It was a little unnerving because my hair was so clean it was actually squeaky! I confess that I never let my hair feel like that, because it feels like it would get too dry, and then too frizzy. The other thing was how easy it was to detangle with my fingers. The squeaky feeling usually comes with extra tangly coils, but this was the exact opposite. Everything felt soft and clean. While I was still in the shower I separated and clipped my hair, starting from the nape of my neck, in sections. Part of my goal is to reshape the way my curls fall, so I could get rid of the part in my hair, so I chose to define these sections as Bottom Layer, left and right; left side; right side; crown, left and right; front of head.

MHM Step Four & Five Leave-in & Curl Define

     This part is kind of tricky, because the mirrors are so steamy after a shower. Letting the hair clips full of hair drip, I toweled dry and got dressed, and opened the door to let the steam clear. This step is to apply your MHM approved Leave-in conditioner, and then your curl definer (whether it’s a gel or a cream) section by section. Do not apply the leave-in to your whole head, and then do the definer. I did this bent over for the two bottom sections, and the side sections. The crown section and the front of my head section I did while standing straight up (my back was killing me.

     Let it dry. Don’t touch!

     Letting it dry without touching it was so hard. I was dying to see the results! For one, the curls had started forming much closer to the root, and they were spiraling fully! I think I may have used more curl definer than I needed to out of habit, which is something I’ll need to work on. I think it would have been even softer to the touch had I toned it down. Even so, Day One of MHM gave me my one of the best hair days of the entire year. The weather was good for it too, no humidity or excessive heat. My husband said it looked like I’d come home from Ouidad, which is high praise. If this is it what Day One does, I can only imagine how this will look by Day Seven!!! What do you think?

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In my next post I’ll take you through Day Two, the pitfalls and the successes, and we can both see what if there are any curl gains to be won!

The one where I tell all about Day 1 of the #MHM 7 Day Challenge, and share the most embarrassing photos of myself on the web #naturalcurls I decided to start the Maximum Hydration Method on a Friday to avoid having to worry about dropping my daughter off at school with a shower cap on.

[tyleranorman]

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Relaxed Hair – 2013

Looking back at this point in time, my hair was fried, I’ll be honest. The crazy thing is, I didn’t even know it back then. To me, this was getting closer to that ideal image of beautiful hair. I was blind to the fact I was destroying my hair to fit European beauty standards. With every pass of a flat-iron and damaging relaxer, I was demolishing my natural curl pattern and erasing genetic blessings. Not only was I disrupting the physical nature of my hair but the spiritual too; all of its essence and internal energy.  Spending money to be like someone else while destroying myself, all to be apart of a beauty a standard. Becoming further distant from the true definition a beauty; loving myself and all that I come with.

As time passed, the curly hair trend began running it’s course. Celebrities like Christina Milian played as the pretty girl in movies; she was straight poppin’ in Love Don’t Cost a Thing. I saw the look wanted the same attention. So I hopped on the trend too (barely). I further began manipulating my strands to resemble other girls. I used flexi rods, curlers, and curling irons to achieve some sort of a curl pattern. Still blind to the beauty I had previously damaged.

Embracing My Own Beauty – 2014

If I could narrate my own journey I’d ask when was this girl going to stop ignoring her own beauty by manipulating her hair to look like someone else’s? I was doing the most to create a replica of a projected image, searching for visual appeal in everything outside of myself.

Similar to the Film Nappily Ever After with Saniyah Lathan, it took a salon disaster and all of my hair nearly falling out for me to start making a change in my perspective. After seeing the condition my hair had gotten to, I knew I could no longer use chemicals nor heat or my hair would never reach health. I decided to go natural.

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The Transition – 2015

When I first started my transition phase, I refused to do the big chop. For me I still wanted my hair to be somewhat nice looking, and because I was still swallowed up in conditioned ideas, I associate beautiful hair with length. So, I held on to my length during the beginning of my transition. I worked with two different hair patterns; my new growth and my dead ends. Due to this inconsistency in texture, there were only few hairstyle suitable; buns, braids, twist outs, and flexi rods.

Shoutout to natural hair gurus on YouTube and Pinterest because ya girl was lost. This was all so new to me, so, I dedicated my free time to watching tutorials of natural hair. Searching ways to make hair grow, tips for transitioning hair, products for natural hair, and tips for getting rid of a relaxer. At this point I wasn’t aware that the only way to get rid of dead hair was to cut it off! Still, I followed different regimens like oiling my scalp nightly, using natural hair products, and the inversion method. To my surprise, I began seeing growth!

How I Transitioned

Oiling scalp nightly with castor oil and olive oil

Using ONLY natural hair products (parabean free, alchohol free, sulfate free, natural ingredients etc.)

Using protective styles (BUNS, braids, twist etc.)

Drinking a TON of water

Taking vitamins

HYDRATING then MOISTURIZING (hydrating is using water or water based product; moisturizing is sealing the hydration in with an oil or butter)

Satin scarf /satin pillow case while sleeping

Deep conditioning once a week

Continuing to learn about natural hair

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The BIG CHOP – 2015

After my new growth reach a desirable length I decided to let those dead ends go. Not so much the big chop, but a medium chop. Which still took a lot of courage out of me. With new hair came a new Tyler.

I like to refer to this time period as trial and error. My hair had been relaxed for the past 7 years, little did I know there was so much more to learn about natural hair. The thing is, everyone’s natural hair is completely different. What works for someone else, might be horrible for the next person. So, I sampled different regimens to figure out what would work best for me. I tried out deep conditioners, various combs/brushes, leave in conditioners, smoothies, gels, and oils. Then, I tried different techniques like finger detangling, shingling, air drying, and defusing. Not to mention, I had to figure out what order to perform these regimens and how often.

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Bleach – 2016

My hair had grown tremendously in the past year and I was so content with how well I was taking care of it.

Then, college happened.

Seeking attention from the wrong crowd; I searched for a way to stand out and feel as though I existed. My hair seemed so plain and well.. natural. So, I went for something to make me pop out a little more; purple hair it was. I assumed my hair was healthy enough to withstand the change and proceeded with bleaching and dying my hair. Immediately after washing the dye out I noticed a difference. My hair was almost lifeless; lacking bounce with the texture of straw. 

As time went on, I nourished my hair to as much strength as I could with frequent hot oil treatments and deep conditions. For a while, I was happy with my looser curl pattern; it was longer and looked more “mixed”. Sort of like the idea I was going for when I first desired curly hair. I still wasn’t understanding the concept of going natural. It wasn’t just about having curly hair, but having NATURAL hair. Accepting and loving the hair that natural grows from the roots of my head.

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 Cut it – 2017 

Because I was still trying to manipulate my hair to look and be like someone else’s, I had to start over. My curls no longer bounced back when I brushed them and my ends were bone straight when wet. I realized the bleach was still considered a chemical that damaged the natural curl pattern of my hair. The purple had to GO.

After the cut, there was a freeness unleashed. Letting go of those dead ends symbolized me letting go of old parts of myself. Releasing old beliefs and ideas about my hair. Those heavy and brittle strands on the end were old energy no longer serving me. Only weighing down my crown; preventing transition and growth.  If a flower didn’t let old petals fall, it would never grow newer and healthier ones. It was time to start fresh and welcome a new me on this journey again. 

Maintaining Healthy Hair- 2017 

After two rounds of damaging my hair I finally understood and applied the true concept of natural hair to my life. I learned more about my hair including: its history, the curl pattern, and the porosity. I began admiring details; the way each curl created a spiral pattern as it grew, resembling the curvy essence of femininity. I honored the dedication of taking care of it, knowing that the most sacred things in life are cared for. I began to fall in love with my luscious strands. I understood the history, the meaning, the time, and energy it needed. I loved it and it loved me back.

I researched continuously; on the way finding out my ancestors used gifts from the earth to charge their crown. Which then resulted in long and beautiful hair. I gained an understanding of what my hair liked and my hair needed; trying some amazing products along the way.

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Loving Natural Hair – 2018

Natural hair is not just wanting bouncy curls, or an afro, and any other form of vanity. Natural is hair is more than what’s on the outside, its’ whats on the inside. My natural hair journey was apart of my journey of self-love. In fact, it was the first step in my journey. Going and staying natural was the first step in loving my true self. This step lead to a lifelong journey of continuously finding love deeper within myself. Becoming and sharing my authenticity with the world. Despite how long it took for me to get there, I finally stopped comparing my hair and my entire essence to others. I began loving myself as is. Then, understanding the power of my own self love; the power behind the perception we have of ourselves.

It helped to compare my hair to a plant. When it is not rooted, watered, nourished, and loved, it does not grow. Just like plants, we are ( including our hair)  made from tiny cells which are each living organisms. Those cells listen, they feel, and condition themselves to perform according to the mind which controls them. When you speak kind words to plants, they grow faster. Our hair is the same; when we brush our hair speaking or even thinking thoughts of it being annoying or ugly, desiring to change its nature, and not appreciating the beauty its expressing to us, the cells are listening and conforming to match the energy of our thoughts.

Make your hair routine a sacred ritual. A time for showing yourself love and care. A time for infusing gratitude and high vibrations into your crown. Begin admiring the creative detail. Speak kind words to your hair; tell it you love it, you appreciate it, and you accept it. Then, watch your hair thrive into the beautiful plant it is.

My hair type: 3C, 4A

Porosity: Low

Routine: pre-poo with oil, shampoo, condition, detangle, deep condition (1 hour with heat), leave in conditioner, smoothie or gel , oil, and air dry. Repeat 1X per week and oil scalp 5-7X per week.

Favorite Products

Carol’s Daughter Black Vanilla Leave in Contioner

Carols’s Daughter Coco Cream Coil Enhancing Moisture Butter 

Mielle Organics Pomegranate and Honey Leave in Conditioner 

Shea Moisture Manuka Honey Masque

Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie

Shea Moisture Super Fruit Complex (THE WHOLE LINE)

Maui Moisture Coconut Oil Curl Quench Smoothie

Shea Moisture Amla Oil

 Favorite Natural Plants/Seeds  

Avocado (deep condition)

Raw Unfiltered Honey (deep condition)

Aloe Vera Plant (deep condition)

Bananas (deep condition

Flax Seed (gel)

Fenugreek (spray)

Almond oil

Coconut Oil

Olive oil

Shea Butter

Mango Butter

Argan Oil

Jamican black Castor Oil

Rosemary essential oil

Peppermint essential oil

Free your mind and free your hair.

#Naturalisthewaytoglow 

HERE – is a link to my Pinterest page on hair care! More recipes!

If this blog was helpful or you have more questions about your hair journey feel free to submit a comment! I would love to help!

My Natural Hair Journey! Relaxed Hair - 2013 Looking back at this point in time, my hair was fried, I'll be honest.