#I didn´t even read it at the end so welp

[albino-whumpee]

15 questions, 15 mutuals

thank you for the tag! @soheavyaburden

1. Are you named for anyone?: Yes and no. My aunt couldn´t have children so my mother named me after her expecting people would call me her name. But I was given my first name (because we do double names in my familiy) and nobody calls me my second, which is hers. Welp. 

2. When was the last time you cried?: Yesterday. TLoU chapter really hit into my sensitive ass. I hate one episode love stories, but I will allow it because it was cute. 

3. Do you have kids?: No. I don´t plan to and I will lie to get a doc to tie my tubes up if I need to. I once thought I wanted to adopt, but knowing my life plans, having a child is plain stupid.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?: Haha, have I ever not used sarcasm?

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?: Size, face, smell, accent and feet position. Silly little trick, but if they´re not pointing their feet at you, they´re not interested in the conversation.   

6. What’s your eye color?: Brown. 

7. Scary movies or happy endings?: hmm, depends. It´s been a while since I watched a scary movie that actually scared me and didn´t make me laugh, but when I do find one that´s scary, I like it to end in what seems a better situation than the absolute worst. Gives me some adrenaline, yk? Happy endings are ok if done well. But alas, a happy ending to me heavily depends on the movie.  

8. Any special talents?: Blind writing. That was the only good class I had in middle school. Honestly that´s it, xD I don´t consider myself particularly talented in academic areas or physical ones. Sure I won some tournments, but man it was so long ago. 

9. Where were you born?: Mexico.

10. What are your hobbies?: Videogames and drawing. Also reading even if it´s hard this days. 

11. Have you any pets?: Valkyria and Sansa. They´re my babies. Black cats with weird personalities. They´re both adopted from the same adoption saturday ...market? ig? Anyways, I picked Valkyria when she was so thin she was barely more than bones. I thought she would die if I´m honest with you. She refused to eat if I didn´t shake her plate a bit, but she was playful, so we knew she was just starving. I was told she was wrapped in tape and dumped at the shelter and I took her because how dare call yourself a shelter and leave a cat in that state? 

Sansa came from another shelter, she was a baby from a foster mama that didn´t make it. She has her tail curled like a chamaleon at the tip, probably from some stupid asshole closing the kennel´s door on it and breaking it. No, she doesn´t need to have it amputated, she doesn´t feel pain and doesn´t interfere with her daily life.  

12. What sports do you play/have played?: A lot. I won a few athletism tournments that took me to the nationals (we lost), also won a few international trophies doing karate. I practiced figure skating and ballet for a bit and due my super elasticity, I could have been a good gymnast, but heh, no money.

I was at a handball tournment, but I never knew what I was doing lol. I wanted to play volleyball in middle school/high school but I got my knee injury and it made it too hard. I switched to swimming for a long time until I couldn´t afford it jsjsjs. If I had the chance, I would try archery. 

13. How tall are you?: 1.73 m. more less 5 ft 7. Wish I was taller ;v;

14. Favorite subject in school?: English. It was so easy sjsjjs. Or psychology. My school´s system allowed people being exempted from doing finals if your notes were high enough, so I strived to just do 1 or less exams and I almost made it. I never had to do math finals in high school, but I actually exempted psychology earlier than everyone because I did double the lab exercises. 

15. Dream job?: Concept artist. By now I know Im not made for it nor I can actually be one, but well. I can dream. 

tagging: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @sideblogformindtrash @milk-carton-whump @nightfrostshadow @louptheloop @endless-whump  @turn-the-tables-on-them @eatyourdamnpears @deluxewhump

idk if i have 15 mutuals lmao also no pressure!

[superbadlydrawnallenwalker]

Drabble

Yeah I was in discord talking about a creative intrusive thought and was advised to write it. I have a serious case of IDGAF today so.

Summary—-

Kanda hasn’t fully recovered from the 6th laboratory incident, but is slowly working through it while learning about the world Alma and him wanted to see so much. Tiedoll, Marie and him are sent to a mission on England to retrieve one piece of innocence. And in the way back Kanda encounters something new. What is his reaction to a being whose only purpose is to make you smile?

And stealing @galimau ‘s epic line:

No editing, we die like mne

The busyness of London streets, with its chattering, mix of fragances and overall rutinal chaos, was enough to make the black haired child pop a vein.

“Can’t we really just take another road?” asked exasperated to the old man drawing the big clock tower with a worn out piece of chalk.

“Give me one more minute, Yuu-Kun. It’s your first time in London and you did a marvelous job fighting the Akuma” said the man without putting off his eyes from his drawing “Ma-kun why don’t you take him on a walk? There’s gotta be something fun to see around here. Use your golem to tell me where you are, ok? I’ll meet you there”

“Stop calling me that. Besides, I’m not really interested on that” said the kid crossing his arms. He was lying so blatantly.

“C’mon Kanda, there’s gotta be something interesting around here” Marie said

“There’s nothing”

“W-well, it has been a long time since I was in London. Before losing my sight” the kid suddenly untangled his arms in discomfort “I wonder how has the city changed while I was gone”

“...”

“Why don’t you two go on walk?” said the man not half finished with his painting of the tower, making the kid jump a little. “You could lend him your eyes for a bit, and tell him what you see. What do you think Ma-kun? Is it alright for you?

“I wouldn’t mind at all, master. How about you Kanda?”

The kid opened his mouth, but he closed it instantly, hissing a fine.

“Then let’s get going”

The big guy started walking, making the little kid trott to keep up his pace. When he was by his side again, he let out a deep sigh.

Walking by so many people talking was a nightmare for Yuu. But there were things that weren’t on the sixth lab that amused him. That he knew Alma would had liked to see too.

There was so many things he couldn’t describe to Marie, and felt a little embarrassed of not knowing something that looked so normal. That conclusion coming from the little smile Marie put after asking him: “why is that woman using the corpse of an animal on her shoulders?”

At some point, after some lame attempts to describe things, a person who was selling some kind of candy that was pinned to a wooden pole, offered them to buy the treat. Marie told him the candy was an apple covered with caramel. And without even thinking he asked what Carmel is. Marie just smiled and bought him one.

“here try it yourself.” he had told him when he handed him the treat “Its hard, so be careful with your teeth. “

He did as Marie said. It was really sweet. And hard to bite! But it was good. He tried to archive the flavor on his memory while they kept moving through the people. Secretly enjoying it. He thought that it was kinda good that Marie couldn’t see his half smiling face.

Suddenly an ovation made Kanda look in the direction of congregated people. They had reached an spacious part of the market. But it was so packed in that side that he couldn’t really see what they were admiring.

“What is it?” Asked Marie adjusting his headphones.

“I can’t tell from here, let’s try moving closer” Said the child walking in the direction of the noise.

“I’ll see if master is over with his painting” said Marie turning on his own golem.

What were the people seeing? The curiosity was killing him.

���—-

The people’s faces while looking at his acrobatic acts was good, but the boy with funny paintings in his face was more interested on the paper that was in their pockets.

The boy turned his head to the man in a clown suit that was acting not being able to go above the big bouncy ball making a wave of laughs.

The boy couldn’t help but smile along the crowd when seeing Mana’s performance.

Mana made him a signal that only the boy could understand. So when the man finally got above the bouncy ball, he had some props on his hands.

He locked eyes with the clown and thew the props at him.

It was Mana he was talking about, so naturally, he let the first throw go all down. Doing a sappy face, he signaled the boy to throw them one more time. The boy threw the props again, but all were graciously catched while the man stayed on his place.

The people loved that kinda thing.

Then Mana got down the bouncy ball and started doing some panthomimes for the little children in the front rows, making balloon animals and so on.

The public laughed a lot. And then it was time to ask for tips. The boy had to snap out of the act of his own act and run to the tree where rheir things were. He took the cup hat by the props with his right hand, and extended it to the people doing a silly act himself. The people would gladly give them some change, except one kid. That when she saw the hat, she looked so weirded out that got it him weirded out too.

The boy had noticed it was the kid that hadn´t smiled not even once during the show. It was uncommon, but he didn´t put much thought into it. But looking closely, the girl was using a black coat with some metal rose on her chest. And...was that a sword?

“Ah Yuu-Kun, he´s asking for money.” suddenly said the man with a mustache with the same black coat.  “Here, like this” said the man throwing some coins in the hat. The boy made a little bow in grattitude. “Is to thank them for their work” 

The kid looked to be around his age, so how come she didn´t know something as simple as that?

“It wasn´t even that good“ the kid said aloud with a deep voice. Apparently she wasn´t a she, but a he. The long black hair deceiving the kid with the painted face. “If that´s it we should go now, Marie” The comment kinda angering him, the boy took the hat somewhere else a little annoyed. 

The boy could hear them discuss a little while as they went away.  

-----

By the time, the people were gone and the clown finally could wash the paint off his face, the sun had set. The boy who accompanied him was sitting in a tree nearby counting the money on the hat. It wasn´t a bad day, they could afford to eat something good that night. It had been days since the last time they have had something other than some bread and water. 

“How were we today?“ asked the man smiling with his face still wet from washing on the river.

“Good enough for a good dinner“ said the kid showing him the little piece of fabric with that day´s earnings. “It could´ve been more if that kid had payed“ he sighed, his auburn hair falling on his face.

“The one who didn´t smile? It´s kinda annoying when the kids in the public don´t laugh, indeed. Oh, well, what can we do about it now“  he laughed, taking his belongings with one hand. But he spaced out for a moment “...That´s weird”.

“what?“ The kid asked standing up and grabbing his things.

“I have the feeling that I have said that to someone before. I wonder who...“ The boy was silent. “Ok, Allen. Where should we go now? It´s already dinner time. Should we go and buy the beans you were talking about?“ the man asked smiling at the kid.

“Y-Yeah. That sounds good, Mana“ the boy followed in a small voice. 

“Alright! Let´s go!“ He exclaimed taking the kid by his left hand covered with a thick glove.

Both started walking toward the usual cheap place they went to when they had enough money to spend.

But the boy was a little worried about Mana. He looked at him. Not a single worry showed in his golden eyes. He never showed any other emotion. Like a mask of happiness trying to hide intense sorrow.

“Maybe you don´t remember it was me that you said that before. But that´s ok. As long as I can stay with you, I´ll help you remember little by little.” The boy squeezed his hand caringly “I´ll remember everything for you, if you ever forget again. “

“I´m your Allen after all”.  

And both kept walking while the lights in the street started to shine.

-------

Here it is. I hate writing this long on English cause, what´s grammar? Also is the first time I write a fic, so please don´t be hard on me. But anyways, hope you like it!

[doublegrinch]

Charmed! 2021 con log

takes out a chair and sets it down, sits on it backwards

Alright, shouting void, we need to talk.

So...last weekend, I attended Charmed!. Me, a tenured lurker who only a few short months ago was struggling to say one (1) thing in a Discord.

I can't tell you what that means to me.

(I mean, um. I'm gonna try. This is a con log.)

Now, obviously I can't name names, because of the private nature of the event; I'm gonna err on the side of caution on that one, as I understand one is meant to do. Some people reading this* might recognize themselves – and if you do, hi! You're awesome! – but I'll keep all the non-public details vague enough.

Thursday!

No, actually, things started the night before for me.

Wednesday!

As the server opened, people were posting intros, and after obsessing over mine for mumble I posted one. I'm sure glad I did, because a wonderful person decided to reach out to me.

Like...what? Someone wanted to talk to me? Just like that? I had gone into this thinking "oh these social rooms are so intimidating, welp guess it's wallflower time" but then this person just ups and talks to me. And we totally clicked! We'd end up chatting all through the weekend and beyond.

Like...what?! It's not even day one and I'm already making friends?

What?!

Thursday (for real this time)

Came right out of work – which was not a productive day, lemme tell you; somehow I was distracted – and into the 101. Four hours of intense learning goodness, and a perfect introduction to the wonderfulness that was that weekend.

I stayed engaged throughout – a testament to the skills of the presenters! – but socially crashed right after. That would become a running theme of the weekend; turns out even after being deprived of social contact for a whole-ass year, I am very much still an introvert.

Friday

Started the day off right with a class on consent. Not only was this very useful info and a great class, it was smaller and much more chill than the previous one, which was a perfect start for the day.

Then, I went to the coolest class on behavior and conditioning. Seriously, it was so informative. And funny! I kinda know the presenter too, and it was their first class, so I was all like "get it!!!" I came out of it with two main takeaways:

A whole new lens through which to view behavior and how it's influenced. Like, all behavior

A powerful need to buy a particular pen

Then the class on Imposter Syndrome. This was honestly just a balm on a lot of old fears. Not really about kink, because I'm so new I'm "pre-imposter", so to speak; but about writing, and work, and life in general.

I expected to come out with a better understanding of my feelings; I actually came out with not only that, but also some actionable techniques I could use to help with some of my nastier brain goblins. Seriously, if that class's presenter ever reads this : thank you, sincerely.

(Also, seeing some actual living legends attending that class drew in sharp relief what I always suspected to be true : we're all like this sometimes. We're all in this together.)

And then – are you exhausted reading this? Cause I sure was living it! – I went to my fourth class that day, and watched two presenters with such obvious chemistry demonstrate clearly how to Do Things and how Not To Do Things. It was funny, it was instructive, it was lovely. There was a cat at one point.

(Seriously, how is everybody at this con so nice?)

Then in the evening, I was the only one who showed up to a card game (I think everyone else was just exhausted). Only instead of having an Awkward Social Moment I ended up having a lovely chat with someone I'd seen in passing on the Discords but never really talked to before. I dunno what it is about the con atmosphere that just allows these connections to be made; just the tiny push you need to go out and meet people. It's great.

And then I went to bed EXHAUSTED, but so happy.

Saturday!

My brain woke me up at 6 am that morning. Which, since I live in the same timezone as the con, and had planned to skip the first round of classes, it did NOT need to do. Thanks, brain.

Classes!

Since I was up, I went to a class on safety. Good info, cause safety's important, yo.

I went to the Ace and Kinky roundtable! This was such a moment for me. Just sitting around and sharing experiences with people. Just...wow. As I said at the time : I am experiencing validation. Still processing what it means to me actually.

A class about how different dom styles are all valid! As someone who's very insecure in their toppiness, that's a wonderful help

And then, in the evening, the actual card game. Like any good Cards Against Humanity game, this had

Lots of people saying "oh no"

Being kind of skittish about being really awful, then getting a round so horrible you go "oh wow, people came to PLAY huh?"

"That one's too real"

Saying stuff aloud you really wish the neighbors don't hear

A whole bunch of quotes that #overhead-at-charmed was mercifully spared from

Laughter

Human bonding. From my end, at least

Then after we gave the winner the Shame Crown, I went to bed with an even bigger smile on my face. I mean come on! I'm supposed to be Double Grinch, no fair making me all happy and shit.

SuNdAy!

(Can you hear the exhaustion in that title?)

Started the day off with a writing class. Y'ever sit in on a panel of your favorite hypno-smut authors, some of whom have had a direct hand in your own work finally getting read after years of anxious avoidance, and watch them talk about a whole bunch of stuff that makes you go "they're just like me" among other wisdoms? Cause it's a weird, wonderful feeling

Also of note is I was "chatting in the back of the class" a lot of the time on Discord. Which was the best, most belonging-est feeling. And since it wasn't IRL, it didn't bother the presenters!

Weird non-convention pocket of time

So I was torn between which class to attend on the next block, or whether I should take it easy cause I was so tired you guys, oh my god, but then that choice was made for me when a friend from real life – remember real life? – called me to chat. I had A Real Time™ booting my brain in normal human mode for the duration of the call.

That call lasted until five minutes before the block after that one – I talk a lot. You're shocked, I know.

End weird non-convention pocket of time

Aaaand we're back in con space! Last class of the con was...intense, to say the least. Like not even in a bad way, necessarily, but with the exhaustion and all eventually the demo got to be Too Much and I had to bail. It was still good and informative and I took down lots of notes, but yeah, weird feeling.

And then, just like that, it was over! Just like my social meter.

When I went in to this, I had two goals:

Learn things

Be social

That's absolutely a check and check. Gotta think of some more ambitious goals for the next one. But keep those, too.

So, shouting void, what have we learned?

We've learned that I Can Go To Cons™. And that they can be wonderful, intense, magical, intense, spectacular, intense moments filled with learning and human connection.

And to the community builders out there. You know who you are. You folks made the spaces that felt safe enough for this aging fool to dust off an old dream. Thank you.

* except nobody reads this, right? Right.

[tonya-the-chicken]

I wrote this post some time ago as a reply to someone and now I somehow want to post it again with some changes lol

TW: mentions of murder, referenced canon abuse and swearing

Let’s talk about redemption arcs and people’s overwhelming desire to punish fictional characters for what they did... Inspired by Endeavor hate ngl... I mostly speak about fictional charcters in this post so pllease, don’t go dumb and understand that fictional characters and irl people should be treated differently

I think sometimes people don`t understand why punishment exists in our society at all. Like, why couldn`t we just forgive? Why punishment is needed? Oh, I would like to talk about behavioural psychology, but it is kinda creepy so instead let`s remember what my teacher of LAWS said(idk what you call it in your bitchass America)

Punishment basically serves two functions:

Preventative (show others and a person that they can’t just get away with their deeds). Like, if you knew that there are no negative consequences, wouldn`t you do it? Wouldn`t you kill the old lady?

Correction and all work with a person in general (for example, you can be forced to go through some psychological help)

Also, I lied there’s one more: compensation. Like, if you stole something, then bring money back, you little shit. Or pay for therapy for your victim

So when we put it into stories and so popular nowadays redemption arcs (which I fucking adore if they are done correctly) we have 4 points out of this 3 cause the first one can be put into two

Character is punished to show others that this is not something you should do (it’s a kinda societal thing and has nothing to do with character in particular. This point in general is not interesting because it doesn’t drives changes in person by itself)

Character is punished so he himself would think twice before doing this shit again (we can’t know if person’s remorse is genuine so it’s better to simply scare them. But I can allow skipping this point if person’s remorse is clealy shown to be genuine and we as readers understand that. That’s probably the big distinction we, as readers, should see: while irl we never know persons true motives, work of fiction can provide them to us clearly)

Character changes and understands what is wrong in what he has done (the part of redemption we all love and enjoy)

Characters work hard to correct or atone for their mistakes

As we can see first two bullets has nothing to do with character development and serve for the purpose of maintaining order. The third one IS a character development and the last one is what makes people actually forgive horrible actions and not go ape shit I guess. But for some of us nothing is enough, isn`t it?

And there is one more shit that is often in redemption arcs and that shit is great and I fucking love it

Explanation of the character’s behaviour, their reasoning and motivation

I truly enjoy reading about WHY characters behave a certain way but people, remember, SAD BACKSTORY IS NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. Same goes to your mental problems and hard life situation. The fact that behaviour can be explained doesn’t mean shit. Like, behaviour also follows certain laws and despite the fact that it’s sometimes hard to understand all the details we still theoretically can explain ANY BEHAVIOUR. Does this mean we can excuse any behaviour? HELL NO

So remember folks, “They had their reasons to do this” means nothing most of the time. “I wanted to try how it feels” is actually a valid reason to kill someone, you know. Of course, if crimes is not severe, reasoning suddenly can be very important like we won`t punish harshly someone who stole bread cause he is starving or cause he has kleptomania (I mean as a literal disorder). But even in that case you must pay back money cause like stealing is bad but eat the rich

let`s talk examples from bnha cause why not

Endeavour

We have Enji oh my baby you have done so much stupid shit you dumbass. Sad backstory even if will be brought up in the future, currently is not a focus of redemption at all. Like, he even doesn`t explain his behaviour too much. “He want to be the strongest, so he decided that even if his genes will make it to the top it will be enough. As a result,  blinded by his goal,   he abused his family”. Basically, it`s all the explanation we have right now. And if Hori stops at it I will be fine with it. Honestly, as much as I want to learn more about Enji’s past if Horikoshi leaves everything at this I would give him nothing but mad respect cause... This kind of shows that your reasoning doesn’t matter that much if you did horrifying things

So 3 points to redeem someone

Enji didn’t suffer any punishment for his actions (nightmares are considered punishment only if you believe in God. Also, too weak, God, try harder... And same goes for High-End). When I think about him being punished I actually worry about society’s reaction cause, like, he is number 1 hero and the fact that he’s an abuser will be, like, very shocking to simple people.Trust in hero will fall harder than my will to live during 2020. And honestly, media would just turn this into a drama possibly hurting other members of his family, like.... Enji being legally punished for his action would be an interesting plotline but in general I am not a fan

We see his genuine remorse and character growth. We all agree that he even is drawn differently now changed and trying to become a better person, yeah? Clumsily at first, but he genuinely works hard to be a better peron, hero and father. I can respecct that

Compensation… Well, you can exactly “correct” trauma so he should pay up for psychologists for each child he probably should follow the path of atonement and try to give them something he robbed them from. Like, go to family dinners with Fuyumi even though every last one of them is a disaster and nobody is happy to be there. Or make everything possible to provide Rei calm life with her children (like building a new house, yes, this is an amazing thing) or at least become *reducted cause I wanna this post to be serious and SFW*... Tbh I have nothing to say, he himself says multiple times that he seeks nothing but atonment, not even forgiveness

So like you better work bitch to make your family happy bastard... [And tbh they seem so much better then when I first wrote this post, I am so proud of you, my garbage fire man]

Overhaul

In no way is he redeemed but somehow people put Overhaul and Endeavor stans in the same category so here he goes

Kai has something Enji doesn’t: very good and detailed explanation, a plan, a smart reasoning. His wrong deeds were basically for a better good he believed in. But we all collectively hate him for what he done to Eri despite his actions having r E A S o n S. Dude has some MOTIVATION. So like yeah bros. It makes him an interesting character and he is an amazing villain but dude deserves to rot in prisons. He shows no remorse and I am gonna bet he won`t even think about somehow helping others. Dude is a shitty person. And I fucking love him

So let’s go for our 3 bullets again

Punishment. Yes, he is punished, he is in jail with both his hands cut off. Would it make people forgive him? Nah

Personal growth. I would like to see it but as far we saw barely no growth... Though maybe being in jail without quirk will make his brain work

Atonement... Dude has a Messiah complex, I ain’t waiting for that anytime soon

So I asked myself if I had two men: one who spent a sentence in jail for child abuse but is more or less the same person and another who wasn’t punished for his abuse but feel genuine remorse and actively try to make things better who will I choose? Of course, I will choose Pikachu

But is it possible to redeem Overhaul? I wonder if there`s a force in this world strong enough to make him become a better person. Welp... I am a sucker for redemptions, justt letting you know

All for One

Oh, he is irredeemable (and this is sexy). Why is he here? Cause, well

Even if he is punished there`s no punishment severe enough to describe how horrifying his deeds are

Even if he is to feel remorse… he has like 500 years or something??? And he didn`t feel anything killing people??? So why would he change today?

Even if he atone for what he’s done… I am to believe he started at least a civil war. You can`t atone for that bitch. You crossed all fucking lines, all fucking lines

AfO is literally the most evvil man in bnha... I don’t want to see him redeemed cause I love characters that are pure evil and I love the despair of realizing you can’t fix what you have done. Though you are free to have a different opinion! Who knows, maybe Horikoshi will make a classy redemption for him and I will scream out of excitement? Cause I am that kind of bitch??? Who knows! I just love to think Doctor Ujiko is gay for him

Anyway, why do people like to make this characters suffer? Like, Endeavor, Minoru, Overhaul, many others? Is this part of the “punishment” to feel like person paid for their deeds? Or do people just like fictional violence and punishing “bad” characters make them feel good about themselves? Who knows

I have no idea what this post is about I want to sleep and I like Enji though if you dislike him this is fine. I hope it was interesting reading this, love you all bye

Don’t kill me for my controversial takes, I am depressed

[hlilje]

2020 Year in Review

2019 Year in Review

Welp, where do you begin? Perhaps with the tweet I posted during the final hours of 2019. I made sure to follow it up with another tweet at the end of 2020, which should hopefully unjinx things.

On a more serious note, last year I wrote:

Next year will largely be a continuation of the goals I had for 2019. I want to further develop my graphics programming skills at work, produce (and learn!) music, read many books, sleep, and finally, get ~ripped~ at the gym. My gut tells me that 2020 will be a good year, let’s see if that feeling holds up.

While I think it's fair to say that my gut feeling was a bit off, I did follow my goals reasonably well, all things considered. At work I've been mainly dealing with graphics like I wanted, and I've learnt a lot, even progressed to the point where I'm now mentoring other people in it. I also finally got promoted to Experienced Programmer, and I have my sights set on the Senior level for 2021, ambitious as it may be.

I finally released my new EP Pearly Whites and Marble Stairs which I've worked on for a year or so, and I'm quite happy with how it ended up. Completely unrelated to the pandemic I also picked up the electric guitar for the first time at the start of the year, after being graciously given one. So after releasing the EP in July I decided I was going to put my music making on hold while I was fully devoted to this new guitar endeavour. Now I can gladly say that I can play not one, but two instruments poorly (the other one being piano).

Unfortunately I couldn't keep following my posture training program since it required me attending the gym, but instead I made some nice progress at the nearby outdoors gym. This new type of exercise actually went so well that I decided to change my "default" gym program to be more focused on body weight training as opposed to weight lifting. I'm definitely more ~ripped~ now than I've ever been.

The year in books was franky terrible, and this time I really have no excuse. I only read five books during the entire year, so I badly need to step things up in 2021. This seems to be a recurring theme now. Something that's similarly recurring is my inability to get proper amounts of sleep, although working from home meant I had more leeway for squeezing out some extra shut-eye in the morning.

Obviously I didn't attend many concerts in 2020, as they got postponed and cancelled one after the other. I saw ShitKid in January and Black Marble in February, but after that a complete live music drought began (and is still ongoing). I think this is what I've been missing the most throughout the year apart from being able to work at the office.

Likewise I didn't really end up attending any events in 2020. I was slated for SIGGRAPH in Washington D.C. during the summer, but that was cancelled just like everything else. I did however irresponsibly sneak in a trip to my hometown during the summer vacations where I revisited some places from my childhood, which was nice.

Oh, and I finally got my eyes lasered, so no more glasses for me.

I'm not going to make any grand promises for 2021. I don't think we'll return to normal anytime soon, so for now I will focus on the things that I can do by myself, that is getting back into music production, playing video games, reading books, excelling at work and working out. Maybe even sleep some more.

[hausofspectrals]

Always in My Line of Sight- Nurseydex (Female!OMGCP! AU)

Read it on ao3

CHAPTER 1 |

CHAPTER 2

Her roommate, Christina, did arrive by the time she came back; her side of the room was almost completely covered in shark merchandise.

Posters, framed photos, stuffed animals, literally anything you could think of. This made Willow was a bit nervous about meeting her, what if she was nuts or something. The roommate to be wasn’t in the room at the moment, but she left the door open.

She organized a few more of her belongings, before sitting on her bed. It wasn't the most comfortable, but college could only offer so much.

Two voices, male and female, could be heard down the hall, and were coming closer to her dorm. The male voice seemed stressed out, occasionally grunting.

“I’m sure this is the last box, babe.”

“It better be, because I’m not carrying another one.”

“I said you didn’t have to carry them! Remember who transported these boxes from my room to my car!”

“Not going to let you stress your back out anymore.”

“ the one that's on an athletic scholarship, you should be the one not stressing back out!”

The bickering kept going on until they reached the threshold of the door. They saw Willow there and they froze. The girl was of Asian descent, mid-length black hair and dark brown eyes. She seemed to be around her height, and was covered head-to-toe in shark themed clothing. Man, what did she own that have sharks on it?

Seconds later, she was engulfed into a hug before she could process it. The girl gives her a bright braced smile. Though Willow wanted to snap at her for getting into her space bubble, her roommate’s smile somehow put her at ease.

“You must be Willow! I’m Christina, but you can call me Chris, or, better, Chowder! Everyone calls me that!”

Seriously, what is up with the nicknames?

The boyfriend finally spoke up, gently pulling her a few inches away from Willow.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with her.” She playfully swatted his arm. “I’m Caden, but just call me Farmer.”

Must be a Samwell thing.

She smiled anyway, they seemed like good people she could get along with. “Nice to meet you guys.”

“Have you eaten yet? We were about to check out the cafeteria for lunch.”

She shrugged. “I could eat.”

“Cool! To the fooooooood!” Chowder darted out of the room, Farmer looked to her and said “Wait for it.” She comes back in seconds later, a bashful expression on her face. “Where the food?” she nervously giggled.

They both laughed at her and they all left the room. As they walked, she wondered if she was going to be the Nursey girl again.

She mentally face-palmed; she never even talked to the girl the first time and she's already hoping that she'll bump into her again.

That, and this college was big enough that she probably wouldn't see Nursey as much, especially when the school year actually began. Hell, she didn't even know if they were in the same year; chances of sharing general subjects together were slim.

“Willow!” She was taken out of her thoughts by Chowder, looking up. They were already at the dining hall?

“I know, right? Literally a 10-minute walk from the dorms! Such a relief!”

The trio walked in, taking in their surroundings. Willow was a little uncomfortable, the building was literally as big as her senior high school. Who knew how much bigger everything else was? She could easily get lost anywhere in this campus. Maybe it was a good idea that her mother snagged a map.

There was so much food to choose from, Chowder felt overwhelmed by it all. Farmer sighed and ended up picking burgers and fries for them. Willow, not sure what everything costed, opted a simple turkey and cheese sandwich.

They set up their meal plans, and eventually finding a random rectangular table to sit at. Willow jokingly complained about how she will eventually have to get a job in order to pay for meal plans.

“Chow and I went to this cafe close to campus this morning, mostly college students work there, I saw a ‘help wanted’ sign, if you want one.” Farmer spoke up.

She smiled in appreciation. “I’ll look into it, thanks.” “You should totally work there, then you can give us free pie slices from there. The pie is ‘swawesome!” Chowder added.

“‘Swawesome?”

“Yeah, it means cool. It's like saying “so awesome” but really fast! I'm trying to get more people to use it, but Farmer won't help me out.”

“Your new slang word is ‘swawesome, are you happy now?”

She grinned up at him. “Yes...wait-hey!” He chuckled as her face formed into a pout. “What?” He raises his hands in mock surrender. “I'm helping you use the word.”

“Asshole,” she muttered, turning away from him to take another bite of food.

Minutes go by, and Willow learns more about the couple as they finish eating.

Both are from California, Chowder from the San Diego area, Farmer way up north. They both met when Chowder came to support one of her guy friends who played against Farmer’s team in Varsity Volleyball their junior year of high school.

Her friend's team lost to them, but she at least won a free phone number from a cute male of the opposing team.

They texted, and called all the time, since they were a great distance from each other. Though everyone Chowder knew were worried for her feelings being hurt, she got the guts to ask him to be her boyfriend.

It was a tough year once they became official, school and sports getting in the way; hard in general since they only saw each other once every two months if they were lucky.

Unknowingly applying and getting into the same university, they pushed on through, knowing they could be a ‘normal couple once they graduated.

“And now we're here! It's almost been a year!”

“Unfortunately.” He groaned, yet pulling her into his side so he kiss her hair.

Willow smiled at the two. They were what many typical teenage girls would call “relationship goals”. Honestly, they were her new OTP.

“So, do have a special someone you're seeing right now?”

She blushed and looked down. “Not really. I've just been focusing on trying to get into this school, really.”

What she said was half true; she was mainly focusing on school too much to actually try relationships. Though, she did go a little off-track for a few months.

That's a story for another time.

“Welp, there are plenty of fish in the sea, just don't let the sharks eat them all up!”

“Once again, I'm sorry you have to deal with her.”

Honestly, Willow didn't mind Chowder’s personality, she needed someone like her in her life. She's a ray of sunshine.

[albino-whumpee]

The hatchling

@brutal-nemesis  Welp, here you have the super late little drabble for Plant day. Somehow could finish it today :)

It´s actually part of my larger, older project Power Doesn´t Make You Immortal (renamed Tears of Ash from now on! :3) and it´s actual lore. There´s an illustration at the end too! ^^

CW// body horror, scifi whump, loss of autonomy, mind control, alien, nonhuman whumper and whumpee, whumping of a minor, death, used as a nutrient, horror, alien whump. honestly idk how to tag this alksjdflkj

They hadn’t known the rift surrounding Zone 0, the closest to the meteor crater, had changed its flora and fauna that drastically.

The little one who had slipped through the contention center’s bars and ran all the way to Zone 0 with the stolen food in their arms had sighed in relief when the soldiers stopped behind the wire fence. Not willing to adventure further than that to chase them.

They had thought themself lucky. They would run back home later, right after they discovered what type of plant walked on its vines over the water.

After the crash, everything stopped. So of course, schools had stopped teaching, there were many like them that only knew to follow orders someone who could read would yell for the general population. They didn’t know the signs at the fence stated very clearly why the soldiers had walked away. Why the place was filled with plants that didn’t belong to this world. Yet, for a kid that had never known outside, it was just the same level of unknown.

They didn’t know how wrong it was to follow the bioluminescence on the ground, lighting up each of their steps as they jumped, it was too much fun, and they felt so light suddenly.

They spinned and fell made a giggling mess right next to the walking vine.

Both stopped moving, staring at each other. It was then, the boy noticed the vine had eyes.

They wanted to run away when the vine changed their course and began inching their green roots towards them. In vain, they tried to lift themself up. How could they know Zone 0´s air was composed almost entirely of carbon dioxide?

Their limbs failed to lift them to safety and they could only take shallow breaths as the vine´s eyes drilled them to the ground in fear.

Looking closely, the vine didn´t look like it was a plant at all, its eyes didn´t look like actual eyes either. They were more like a net of threads that moved like a hyperfast congested highway. It was only when the vine lifted one of it´s leafed threads to their forehead, that the little boy knew its touch burnt.

The sudden freezing numbness was quickly replaced with the agony of being burnt. The boy began crying, but the scream trapped on his chest wouldn´t come out.

He was completely silent when the vine forced them to stand on stiff, shaky legs that made his tears roll down even harder despite their ten thousand yards stare.

At each step, blisters popped up on the boy´s forehead and the blood went down in rivulets, tainting red the glowing flora that lit up below their feet. Lighting the way down a cave.

The boy´s mind was beyond the pain now, completely entranced in the agony of the sensation of fire running through their veins. With their mind and senses gone, they couldn´t see the chamber filled with hardened cocoons. Couldn´t hear the steps of something crawling near by, watching the vine walk the unfortunate boy to an empty cocoon, opening it´s fleshy threads as if arms opened for a hug.

As they stepped forward, all veins in their body popped out and chocking in their own drool, the cocoon enclosed them, fine wires wrapped their body as they stood inside the sealing cocoon and when they tigtened, all their bones crushed.

The light of their eyes vanished as the cocoon began to fill with a thick liquid. From outside, the remaining air and poisoned gas was exhaled from the orifice in the top, where the vine had climbed to and then dropped into the pool of goo with the boy before a large tube connected the cocoon to another, sealing it away.

The chamber was silent once again. The fumes dissipating into the air the creature repting swooshed with their tail. It would take days, a few weeks, before it fed completely the third chamber, a one similar to the one they had been born from.

But it wouldn´t worry about their loneliness. Not yet. Its sprouts walked the entirety of the Zone 0´s 8 kilometers, waiting for another pair of biped creature to wander inside their territory.

A few weeks later, when the two coccons had lost all color and some recovering ones laid open and wethered, steam was expulsed ferociously. The vines threading the cocoon began to untie themselves to slowly reveal the creature waking to existance.

It´s yellow eyes with black scleras opened to an unknown world with a gasp for air. Sensation began to flood into them. Breathing was suffocating, painful and they couldn´t manage to keep it inside with their frenetic gaping. Noise drilled into their pointy ears which quickly glued to their skull in an effort to muffle it, they pressed the heels of their hands to their eyes splashing everywhere with the burning black goo.

In the desperation to run from the overwhelming sensations of the new world, they stepped outside their cocoon and fell into soft arms. They struggled for a second, but a pressure going up and down their back soothed them into the crook of their neck, long matted hair hid their eyes from the annoying buzzying light as the instinct to curl and hide away made their tail coil around the being rubbing their back.

They didn´t know how to speak. They didn´t have vocal cords either, as they didn´t need them.

They could hear the soothing voice of the sibling that held them in their arms inside their head, silencing the terrifying world that expanded beyond their comprehension.

After they had calmed down, the other exorted them to open their eyes, to look up at them.

With a low whine, they obeyed and lifted their face to look with wide doe eyes at the hairy creature that wasn´t bothered by the goo dripping on their skin. A set of yellow eyes locked with the wide of almost orange ones as they bared their teeth.

They tried to paddle away, but their sibling held them tight, preventing them from escaping.

“That´s called a smile. Humans don´t consider a threat” they told them as they slowly untightened their jaw.

A low rumble from their lower abdomen, made another smile appear on their pale face.

“Right, you must be so, so hungry” They lifted them up in their arms with ease, despite their size being barely half of that of the hatchling. “Usually, we just eat whatever we come across at first” they explained them as they took them to another part of the chamber, away of the cocoons. They walked for a while, leaving a track of blue lights on their wake.

That was until slowly and carefully, the other let down the hatchling. Who clinged an arm to the soft fabric that covered their body from the sudden freezing temperature.

Their tail straightened up as they threw a low snarl and began rubbing their clawed hands against their arms. Their sibling let out a short wheeze. It amused the hatchling that such a sound could be so beautiful. Nothing like the buzzying that surrounded them still.

The hatchling threw their gaze over the scattered  lumps on the ground. They didn´t have much time to wonder what was below them as their sibling uncovored it to find a variety of faces. The creatures looked similar to how their sibling looked like and some were sprinkled with blood, or what they assumed was that red goo

“But in this planet, there´s plenty to take from” they said as they invited them to get closer on shaking legs “Go ahead and choose”

The hatchling took a long look at the variety of options, unable to decide until their eyes trained on a little freckled boy with half lidded black eyes. They reached towards their face and their claws with only five fingers, spreaded naturally to double the number. They gripped their jaw and turned it as gently as they new born status allowed them to.

Their sibling watched from afar and didn´t even twitch when the recipient´s neck cracked with the force and they told the hatchling to be gentler.

“Stop rubbing it all over, there´s still many that may choose them”

“I want them” they replied, remembering the words and threading them as their brain learnt how to from the previous conversations.

The other hummed suprised and simply waved their hand and walked away.

“Walk outside when you´re finished. We have a mission to fulfill”

As their steps melted into the silence, the hatchling towered above the human boy´s stiff body. They looked at the boy´s face as their claws uncovered them fully.

The creature tilted their head in surprised amusement at not finding the corners that marked their mouth on the boy´s chest. As they opened their real mouth, the one that ran down their torso and opened up like a flower to a multitude of teeth, they concluded this so called “humans” had an strange way of feeding if they only had their fake mouths on their faces.

Once they swallowed the boy´s body, they would learn how they feeded themselves.

But for starters, the creature wailed as their tail retracted back into their spine and they began to burn their spotty skin to become the pale smooth type humans had. They stumbled and fell on their side with a cry as their horns fell off, burnt into nothing but a fume and replaced for the same shade of black the boy´s hair was.

With a pained crack, the shifter took the shape of the boy and fell dryly on the ground.

After a while, they stood up on their two legs. Their head bobbed to a side before they settled their small hands on either side of their head and cracked the bones on their neck back on place with a cry.

With only a few minutes from birth, the creature that took the boy´s body, walked outside to fulfill the mission they had been born for.