#I did this for over 2 hours yesterday and it felt like 20 minutes had passed

[celestial-sadgirl]

Having the absolute time of my life winding my embroidery thread from skeins to bobbins while watching D20’s A Starstruck Odyssey

Organization and tactile repetitive task?

Autism Win

[owliellder]

The Finer Details

Post DI! Leon Kennedy x Painter fem! Reader

MDNI 18+

(Session 1, Session 2, Session 3, Session 4, Session 5, The Reveal)

Description: Leon realizes that retirement is in his best interest now that he's getting older. All of his accomplishments as an agent mean he's truly earned a painting to commemorate..

Warnings: Not Proofread, Age gap! (reader is anywhere between mid-late 20's and Leon is 40), Porn w/ Plot, Use of she/her pronouns, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Alcoholism, mentions of trauma/PTSD/depression, P in V smut (wrap it NEOW), Leon cries during sex 💔

Tags: Older Leon Kennedy, Younger afab!Reader, Leon is SAD but he is your muse, Crying, mentions of Leon masturbating, starts off with Dom! Leon and Sub! Reader, falls into switch territory because that man needs some serious TLC, Praise kink, Hickeys, Handjob, Nipple play, Oral sex (m! and f! receiving), and a heavy dose of Aftercare

Author Note: I'm actually thinking I might be doing one chapter every other night, but I would also like to draw on my comically large art tablet at some point this week, so I might skip a day or two.

Cross posted onto AO3

Session 2: Color Matching

You partially regret just agreeing to "tomorrow", seeing as this man decided that he wanted to show up at 4am.

It was the original time set for yesterday's session, and you guess he felt bad for being late, but god damn he texted you an hour earlier telling you he'd be there by 4am. Dragging yourself out of the comfort of your bed was difficult, but in the end it was worth it to draw such a stunner.

You had to get there before Leon did, so there you were; half awake, dressed in a pair of fuzzy pants and a loose t-shirt, and a small cup of tea in your right hand while the other fumbled with the keys to your little work room.

That was the greatest part about your job as a professional painter. You didn't have a dress code.

Though most days you did try to look your best, some days it was just easier to be comfortable. Besides, it's not like tons of people come and see you everyday, it was usually just one person at a time.

It was 3:47am by the time you'd gotten to your workspace and settled, sitting on one of the many floor pillows in the living area you put together away from the actual painting setup. The tea was warm, it was keeping you sleepy, but you couldn't stop taking small sips. It was in your hands, there wasn't much you could do to stop yourself.

You told Leon to just come on in when he arrived, not wanting to walk all the way back down just to lead him back up. The stiffness from sleep was still in parts of your body, so you knew it would be difficult to get up, even when he did finally stride through that door. He dressed nicely today, just what you needed him to do.

Wanting to relish in the dim yet warm lighting of your various lamps for as long as possible, you beckoned the man to come over and sit with you, which confused him slightly. He thought you would be ready to get started once he showed up, but he wasn't one to argue so early in the morning. Instead, he shrugged and slowly sauntered over to you, taking a seat on a floor pillow across from yours.

"Good morning." Leon grumbled quietly, his voice barely hiding the fact that he wasn't quite awake either. That rumble in his chest made your stomach flutter. "Good morning to you, too." You responded, closing your eyes for a moment to take another sip of your tea.

"When uh-" He cleared his throat, putting a fist up to his mouth as he did so. "When are we gonna get started?"

You furrowed your eyebrows, moving the cup away from your lips to stare at him. "I wasn't expecting to be up so early, so just give me a few more minutes to wake up and then we can turn my main lights on."

Leon sucked on his teeth as he thought, turning his head to look over out one of the windows as he rested his wrists on his knees. "Oh, yeah, sorry. Just wanted to make up for being late yesterday."

You laughed softly before letting out a quiet sigh, setting your tea down on the low coffee table sitting behind you.

"Don't worry about it, but also don't make me get up so early again, old man." You attempted to joke, immediately noticing the wince on his face at the nickname. To divert, you stood up and stretched, patting his shoulder as you walked by him. "Alright, let me pull my stuff out and then we can get started."

Leon followed you with his head, taking a few seconds before standing up himself, pressing his hands onto his knees to help get up from the floor pillow.

"I'm just going to be color matching your tones today. I won't do all of it since obviously lighting changes throughout the day, buuuut..." You trailed off, beginning to rummage through a drawer in one of your desks before pulling out handfuls of paint tubes. "I just need to pull out the basic colors I'll be using."

It was still pretty dim in the room which caused you to have to squint to see the names of the colors on the tubes. Leon found that partially amusing, his chuckle causing you to glare playfully over at him. "Something funny?"

"As funny as it is to watch you go cross-eyed looking at those," he smiled, gesturing with his thumb to the light switches near the door. "I feel like it'd be easier to just turn the lights on."

"My retinas will be fried if those get turned on-" You were cut off by your own shout when Leon took the liberty of turning the lights on himself, laughing as you quickly moved to cover your eyes.

He only had to squint for a second before his eyes adjusted. You, however, were not expecting the sudden change, so you got an eyeful of bright white light. Complete and utter agony that lasted for a full five seconds.

By the time you moved your hands away from your eyes, they were watering and you had to squint for awhile longer. "Give me a warning next time you decide you want to try and murder me like that." You said, wiping away the few stray tears you'd produced from the light sensitivity. "You might live in the light, but I don't!"

The man shook his head and crossed his arms, smile still plastered to his face as he slowly made his way over to the chair in front of your easel. "That's payback for calling me an old man."

You twisted your head around to the chair so you could give him an indignant look, catching a glance as he was putting his hands up in defense with a small "what?" before you turned to look down at the tubes of paint sitting next to your hands on top of the desk.

"Nothing, just wasn't expecting to work with a toddler, that's all.." You mumbled, smile creeping onto your face as you heard him click his tongue from behind you. "I was an old man not five minutes ago and now I'm a toddler?" Leon asked, voice peaking dramatically.

"Yes, you have quite the range, Mr. Kennedy." You began sifting through the various paints you'd pulled out, humming softly as you contemplated what route you wanted to take with them. Stick to primaries? Add secondaries? Should I just use every color I need? Hmmm..

Leon watched as you stared at the paint tubes you'd picked up, tilting his head to the side slightly to try and get a better look. He snapped his head back upright when you started to speak again. "I'm trying to decide whether or not to use a lot of different colors, or just stick to a minimum.."

It was almost as if you knew what he was wondering. "Uhh... what's the difference...?" The man questioned, raising an eyebrow as you turned around, seemingly having made your decision already.

"Using just the main 6 colors-" You turned around and were faced with his very confused stare, causing you to explain a little better. "The main colors you see in a rainbow."

He breathed out a quiet "ahh" at that. Okay, good. He knows his basics. Cute...

"I can mix just red, blue, and yellow at varying degrees to get any color I need. Adding green, purple, and orange will help even more." You pursed your lips, lightly tossing the paint tubes in your hands before setting them down away from the other tubes. "I need white also. Damn.."

"What's wrong with white?" Leon asked, leaning forward a bit to watch you dig in the drawer for a tube of white oil paint.

"Nothin'. Just forgot, is all. Trying to keep this as authentic as possible..." You mumble, quickly closing the drawer with a slam after pulling out the paint you were looking for.

Silently nodding his head in acknowledgment, Leon turned his focus to his surroundings again, admiring your choice in decor once more. He bought a nice decorative pillow for his couch yesterday after being here the first time.

You grabbed a few strips of thick white paper, running your thumb along its textured surface before setting them down. You told him to stay where he was as you set up a small art palette, little dollops of the paints sitting neatly in the circular grooves.

"I'm gonna make color swatches of your skin for myself." You spoke up as you suddenly turned and walked towards him, holding the palette in your left hand while holding the strips of paper and a small yet flat paintbrush in the right. "Also, I'll need to get a picture of you in the position you want, but I'll do that after all of-" you waved everything you're currently holding in a small circle. "-this."

Leon simply responded with an "oh, okay", his knee beginning to bounce as you quickly began to mix little bits of your paint together to get a simple pale skin tone down before you even attempted to match his.

As you worked, you were starting to grow nervous with the silence, and clearly the man in front of you was as well, given he had started to sweat slightly on his forehead. He wasn't nearly as conversational as the last two agents you painted.

"So.. you've earned yourself a portrait..." You smiled slightly, holding up the strip of paper you'd brushed your mixed paint on to see what colors to mix in next. "What'd you do to earn one?"

Leon hummed. It was hard to think about every mission he's gone on, all the horrors he bore witness to, the people he saved, the people he couldn't save, how it all started, and now the fact that he's done-

"Hey, woah, I'm sorry." The sound of your voice drew him away from his thoughts. "I didn't know that would be a.. sore subject for you." He blinked at you a few times, furrowing his eyebrows soon after. "What?"

You pulled the strip of paper away from his face, pulling your lips tight with a shrug of your shoulders at his response. "You suddenly looked mad. Like... really really mad. I thought you were gonna snap at me or-"

"No. It's just bittersweet, is all." Leon cut you off, waving his hand dismissively at you before nodding once down to the paint palette in your hand. "You can keep going."

You stayed frozen in your crouched position for a few seconds longer before continuing to swatch your paint. You kept silent, not wanting to seem like you were antagonizing him.

"I used to be just a cop." The man suddenly said, causing you to look up from where you were mixing your paints together. "Only for a single day, but I was a cop. Simple as can be."

You nodded, beckoning him to continue with a small smile, which he did. "I'm sure you've heard about some of that already though, since you worked with Claire not too long ago."

His comment caused you to let out a small "ohh" in sudden recognition, nodding your head again. "Yeah, that's right! She mentioned you on that, okay.."

Leon continued to talk about all of his missions vaguely, still having to keep confidentiality in mind. You let him drone on, having gotten his skin tone matched in a few different areas now. You stopped to scribble on the papers with the paint swatches, making sure to label where each tone came from on his face and hands.

You took note of how he circled back to his single day as a cop and to certain missions. His mention of saving the president's daughter had you immediately smiling. That was a straight ticket to earning his own portrait in that hall of the White House, he could've done just that his entire life and he still would've been seeing you at some point.

You focused on mixing your paint for a little while before noticing he had grown quiet, looking up to see him staring out the window, a faint orange glow from the sun rising highlighting his features. And his tears.

Growing concerned once again, you set down the paintbrush on the palette so you could place a gentle hand on his shoulder. It seemed he didn't notice that, too lost in his head to notice anything at this point.

"Hey..." You asked with a soft voice, your eyebrows furrowing with worry. "We don't have to talk about it anymore, you know..."

Finally, Leon looked back at you, eyes widening once he realized how watery his eyes were. He turned his head away so you didn't watch him wipe the tears that had fallen down his cheeks and use his sleeve to dry his eyes. It wasn't like him to be so easily bothered by this stuff.

"I just need one more color swatch and then you can go, okay? We can save the photo for another day." You gave the man a weak smile, one he didn't reciprocate. You understood.

He looked like he wanted to say something, but you filled in for him. "Seriously, it's no trouble at all. If you need more time then you need more time." Standing up from your crouched position, you left your half-finished color match swatch with the finished ones before walking over to set everything down on the desk.

You didn't want to crowd the poor man. That was probably the last thing he needed. Despite having only painted for a select few, you've learned to just step away from these retired agents when things would go awry. It was akin to a war veteran suffering from PTSD; they did almost have the same experiences as far as you could tell.

"I'm sorry."

Leon finally managed to say to you, his hands anxiously rubbing up and down on the tops of his thighs. Must be a nervous tick.

You angled yourself so you could see him while your body still faced the desk, smiling at him while your hands worked to neatly stack the strips of paper before clipping them together with a paper clip.

"There's absolutely no reason for you to apologize." You kept your smile as you responded to Leon, looking back down at your hands to make sure everything was put together properly. "You forget I strictly work with agents like yourself. From all the vague tellings, I know that the job is tough on you guys; body and mind."

It was weird having someone outside of the agency talk to him about this kind of stuff. It was weird for him to be bringing it up in the first place. Or, at least he felt like it was.

"Still, I should know better than to do that." Leon sighed, rubbing his hand along the side of his face before stroking his chin, scratching at the stubble growing.

"Know better than to do what? Let yourself process everything you've been through?" You spoke in almost a whisper. If your tone was any louder, you fear you'd come off as accusatory.

"I get it. Really, I do." Leon groaned quietly at your words, causing you to click your tongue. You grabbed your swivel chair and scooted it over so you could sit in front of him, and when you did, you brought your legs up to sit criss-cross just like yesterday, only there wasn't a table separating the two of you. You looked solemn. He didn't like where this was going.

"The whole point of painting you a portrait is to honor you and your work as an agent, but it's not just about getting yourself painted." You leaned forward in your chair, elbows resting on your knees, all the while keeping your voice hushed and gentle. "Seeing the portrait once it's finished is going to be an incredibly emotional ordeal. It's a reminder that this is truly the end of an era for you, Mr. Kennedy..."

Your words were really starting to strike a chord for Leon. He hadn't given it much thought. He didn't want to give it any thought at all. All he thought was "I'm just going to get myself a nice fancy portrait and be done with it". He didn't even consider what the portrait of him would actually symbolize.

"Oh." Was all Leon could muster, letting his gaze fall into his lap where his hands now sat clasped together. If it weren't for the comfortable environment you had set up here, he probably would've bolted ages ago.

You let him think everything over for awhile, wanting to give him all the time in the world. Clearly he needed something, but he wasn't allowing himself any sort of leeway.

It took some courage building internally, but you decided to stand up, taking the one step closer to him before placing your hand on his shoulder once more. You squeezed it a bit, bringing his attention back to you as he lifted his head up.

You attempted to smile at him, moving your hand off his shoulder so you could hold your arms out slightly. This man needed a hug and you were more than willing to offer the leeway he wasn't granting himself.

Leon stood up rather quickly which surprised you, and startled you just a bit, before feeling his large arms tightly wrap around you. It was a little awkward since he had to bend a bit to hug you properly, but it worked out in his favor, and yours too, since he got a better opportunity to bury his face into the crook of your neck.

He sighed happily when he felt your arms slowly wrap around his chest, doing your best to squeeze him for that extra bit of comfort, even rubbing up and down on his back. It had been so long since he had a real hug. It felt good.

You let him hug you for as long as he needed, which was longer than expected, but definitely not unwelcome by any means. Though, his warm breath against your neck and the smell of his cologne was causing you to blush. That's really the last thing you needed him to see after being so vulnerable and open with you.

You felt him start to pull his head away, prompting you to pat his back gently as an end to the hug. Despite the fact that it was faint, it was clear to you that he was blushing when you were finally able to look up at him.

You wanted to remain calm for Leon, letting out your nervousness through a quiet cough. "I know we've only met up twice, but if you ever need a change in scenery, just know that my workspace here is always open to you. I'm always open to you, okay?"

Your words were making him feel weird. Something he hasn't felt in a long time was creeping up his chest. Your smell lingering on his coat wasn't helping, either.

"Yeah-.. yeah, okay." Leon huffed through his nose, reaching up to scratch at the stubble underneath his jawline as he averted his gaze to the floor.

The sun was fully up now, so you walked over to where the light switches were next to the door, flipping them off. All your other ambient lights could be turned off later. For now, you needed to focus on the man still standing in front of that maroon chair.

"You can stay if you feel you need to, but I just want you to relax." You said, looking over at him as you heard his footsteps slowly walk past you to the living space.

"I'll head out." Leon bent over and grabbed his motorcycle helmet from where he'd set it down on the rug near the floor pillows. He placed his on his head as he walked over to where you stood next to the door, not really wanting anyone to look at his tear-stricken and red face any longer.

Once he finished fiddling with his helmet, you reached out and took his hand in both of yours, patting the top of it softly. "Text me when you're ready to come back over."

You couldn't see Leon's face anymore since he'd put the visor down, but you could definitely see him nod his head. He opened the door and let himself out, touching the side of the doorframe as he rounded the sharp corner and walked down the stairs.

After closing the door behind him, you started walking around your workspace to turn off all the lamps and other ambient lighting, pausing to listen to the sound of his motorcycle start up and drive off.

[pet-slut-chrissy]

i knew i was getting a second Christmas gift from Mistress @owner-of-pet-slut-chrissy, and yesterday She let me open it.. a leather bondage hood with 2 eye hole rings, a 3rd mouth hole ring and with a blindfold, 4 inch penis gag and neck strap, all lockable. i was dressed to please Her in my stretchy shiny black bodycon dress and black ankle boots, and i was already horny from some intense teasing She had given me earlier and the lush was still in me. i was both very excited and nervous as i opened it and saw and felt the smooth black leather and serious looking straps buckles and laces.. We set it on the table next to my play collar and started getting ready. She thought i needed a tail too so we added my inflatable plug and gave it a couple of pumps. Next was to test the penis gag but not in my mouth as i was expected but slid into my wetness, Mistress knew i wasnt collared which i must have on for any orgasms and purposefully made me bounce excitedly on the penis gag buckled round the chair as if it was buckled round her thigh. i bounced imagining being on her lap made to show her how happy i was with my second gift it wasn’t long before i was ready to explode for her....but always playing on my mind no collar no orgasm. After a bit of playing with my clit, it was sucked into the vacuum tube and my wand harness was strapped on over with the hitachi wand. The wand was not turned on yet but i was already whimpering when we went to get the hood. It was one of the most intense submissive feelings i’ve had as i put it on, tightened the laces and buckled the neck strap, yet it almost turned to panic when Mistress had me put on my play collar over the hood and timer lock it on for one hour.. a full hour! i almost came as the lock clicked shut, trapped. Then when the wand turned on i did explode in an amazing orgasm almost immediately. She let me have a few more orgasms over 15 or 20 minutes as She had me looking at myself in the mirror, being down on all fours wagging my tail, pulling my breasts out and putting on nipple clamps, then locking the penis gag in place which smelt and tatsed of my juices intoxicating then She said it was time for my favorite game, A-Z (She starts by making a sentence with the letter A such as “chrissy loves her ANAL toys” then i have to make a sentence with B, then we go through the whole alphabet with me trying not to cum) It’s so hard on me trying to think when the wand is going, and She told me that for every orgasm i had before we got to Z i would spend 5 minutes with the blindfold locked on after the game.. She was kind and kept the wand on low for most of the game but turned it up near the end. i tried my hardest yet still came 3 times including one as i was doing my last sentence.. we had been going for almost 45 minutes at that point so i knew i would have the blindfold locked on for the last 15 minutes.. She had me switch out the hitachi for my battery wand set to pulses (which are deadly for me), set a timer lock for my wrist cuffs for 15 minutes, then the blindfold on and my wrists locked behind my back.. oh, and She told me i was to have as many orgasms as possible. It was amazing, feeling like nothing but a faceless fucktoy sex object cuming over and over, the 15 minutes seeming to go by both slowly and fast.. when the locks finally opened She turned off the wand and lush and we removed the blindfold gag and collar and took my hood off. i was trembling and panting, i looked in the mirror and saw that i looked like a wet completely used slut, hair and makeup destroyed and feeling totally spent. (i don’t think i could possibly have cum again but have learned not to tell Her because She sometimes takes it as a challenge). Thank You so much my Mistress, for both Your wonderful gift and another incredible playtime

[ghostlypainterslimeclod]

Michael Schmidt x Male Reader underwear theft dacryphilia and masturbation.

2/2

They be horny

NSFW

For the rest of the day was spent with you doing your normal routine or working from home and chores. Boring ass stuff the closer to the time you got to come over to see mike the harder it was to not get a boner so you decide to shower before you go over. Plus it was the perfect time to rub one out. All you could think about was how hot he was how his tongue felt in your mouth and how good he would look on his knees using him mouth for something other than kissing. After those activities you ate your dinner and walked over to Mike's. When you got there and knocked on the door Abby answered excitedly jabbering about how excited she was to have you over to play and when asked where her brother was she said "with Vanessa" and then continued on as she drug you inside. No clue who this Vanessa chick was but it did kinda irk you that you had to wait to see the messy haired boy. You and Abby settled onto the middle of the floor to draw. You had been over for 20 minutes when you heard the door open and Mike made his way to Abby's room to say bye to us both. Abby said a quick goodbye, compared to yesterday, and then got right back to coloring. You and him share a warm look before he leaves for work.

The day is very similar to yesterday except Abby decided to tell you about her imaginary friends which was kinda concerning but you had imaginary friends as a kid it's normal but the way she talked about them was odd. She also showed you all the pictures she drew while you were gone one with her, her brother, and yourself. It was endearing that was for sure. Once she went to bed you wandered into Mike's room. It's not weird you just want to know how it looks you thought to yourself turning on the lights. It was about as messy as you thought it would be. So you took it upon yourself to gather up his dirty clothes and put them in the laundry lingering a little on his boxers, that you couldn't explain away to yourself, you tucked one into your bag. Yes you're a pervert but it's not like he'll notice you thought.

After your guilty escapades you sat down on his couch and fell asleep like the night before. A few hours pass, it's now morning and Abby is at school, and you wake up to the door unlocking and a pissy Mike ploped down next to you "what happened pretty boy." You asked setting your hand on his thigh. He huffed out "nothing." You gently pressed your shoulder against his "would a kiss make it better?" You asked "mmmm... Yeah." He replied and then leaned in for a kiss, the kiss was quite rough on his side, him climbing into your lap his hands going up to tangle his hands in your hair yours going to grab his hips. Him grinding on your lap trying to get friction on his cock as he whined and moaned into the kiss. you break the kiss "what do you want sweet heart?" All he could muster was to mumble out "please please please touche me y/n please." And who were you to deny him such a request he begged so prettily after all. You unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his dick out of his boxers and then licked your hand for lube and wrapped your hand around him as you continued your kiss. His whimpers grow louder before he breaks the kiss "can we go to my room?" He asks, a string of drool dripping down his chin. You nod releasing him and helping him walk to his room as his legs are like jello once he climbs into his bed it's basically a race for both of you to strip.

He lays in the middle of his bed completely bare, god he looked so pretty pale skin against the gray back ground of his bed the warm morning sun peaking through his blinds illuminating parts of his skin. You climb onto the bed pressing him into the mattress as you look into his pretty eyes that seemed to consume you "how do you want to do this love?" You asked "I-I don't know I've never been with a guy like this before." He replied "well do you have lube?" You ask, he nods and wiggles to his drawer pulling out a bottle of lube and then wiggles back into his spot on the bed. You uncap the lid and pour some onto your fingers before pushing one into his hole gently while your other hand occupies itself with his dick, your own cock sadly leaking onto the mattress as much as it hurts to leave it you had to make sure to properly prep him if this was his first time. His gasps and whines were adorable and sooo worth it. His eyebrows furrowed his eyes screwed shut as little tears were in the corner of his eyes mouth luled open as you slowly stretched him out. First one finger then a second then a third you had to take small breaks so he didn't cum before you were inside, but finally it was time for the main event. You pulled your fingers out drawing a whine from the mess of a boy under you. You gently kiss him as you put lube on your cock before pressing into his hole. God it was good and you made sure to let him know it "you're so fucking good" you said pushing all the was into him. At this point he's not even fucking here his brain is fully in the clouds as little tears run down his face and slober is dripping out of his mouth and all he can say is a mix of please, yes, and your name as he clings to you his stubble scratching your neck and nails digging into yours back as he chants "please can I cum please." In between broken moans. "Of course baby." You say holding his cock in your hand and whispering how good he's doing, and finally he finished with a loud gaspy moan. You kept pistonning your hips into him chasing your own release him whining and crying "god you sound so pretty." You groaned into his ears his short hair tickling your cheek. Then finally you push your cock as deep as possible and finish with a huff. Then you both lay there basking in the after glow clinging to each other as you both fall asleep.

[josdelusions]

Not sure if you're taking requests rn but if you are I'd literally die for a story with the reader comforting erling after losing in a big tournament or something ❤️

Request:Comforting Erling after he lost a match

Fluffy, Comforting. warning: none

A/n:I hope you like it and if you want more requests, the ask is open

You were nervous and a little worried at home watching your boyfriend Erling's team play. The team was winning until 20 minutes ago and now it was losing 2-1 and the game was almost over. You saw your boyfriend's expressions and he looked pretty upset about defeat.

You knew when the game was over he would come straight home with mixed feelings; tiredness, sadness and anger. So you decided to prepare a very tasty dinner for him to try to ease the frustration.

After a few hours you hear the sound of the door being unlocked and you hear his footsteps going straight into the living room.

He was sprawled on the couch, eyes closed, hair down and wearing his blue City sweatshirt. You kneel on the floor and touch his arm.

"Love, I'm sorry about leaving"

"It was a total failure, I just want to sleep and wake up the next day"

he answers back

"It doesn't stay like that, unfortunately it was shit what happened, but tomorrow is another day you will be able to reverse these mistakes. I made dinner, are you hungry?"

"I don't want to eat, I'm going to shower and sleep."

"Honey, but did you get something after the game? eat something first"

"Yn, please, I'm fucked up and pissed off about this game shit. I just want to be alone, okay?"

"OK then"

After you say that, Erling goes straight to your room. You don't get upset with his driest words he was tired and was defeated today in the match.

So you put the food on your plate and eat alone while listening to the sound of water falling in the bathroom.

You decide to watch a movie instead of going to your room. It was better to leave him alone for a few hours, until he cooled off. You were tired too and it didn't take long to fall asleep right there on the couch.

Suddenly, you wake up with your boyfriend's strong arms wrapping around your body and carrying you to the bedroom.

"Erling, what are you doing?"

"Putting you to sleep in the room with me. That's where you're supposed to sleep, not here on the couch."

He says and places you gently on the bed and lies on the other side facing you, facing you.

"I'm sorry for talking to you like that earlier, it's just that my blood was still boiling and I just wanted to isolate myself"

"It's okay honey, you had a rough day today"

"I don't know what's happening to me, actually I don't know if I'm the problem or if it's the team"

"Honey, don't blame yourself. You arrived at the club practically yesterday and you've already become the season's top scorer. I think you've adapted well to the team, but maybe the team hasn't adapted so much to you. But that will be resolved with the time"

"I know, but you know how I am, I hate to lose and the last few weeks I've felt pressure from people on me"

"Love, you haven't scored in two games. Calm down, everything will work out, you don't need to be tense like that"

Erling hugs you tight and you reciprocate and stroke his hair.

"Everything will be alright, I'm here with you"

You feel that he has become less tense and he breaks the hug, gives you a smile and kisses you gently.

"You are my emotional support, you know right? You reassure me and bring me peace. Thank you for being here when I need it"

"I love you, Erling."

"I love you more, much more, yn"

"If you really love me, then eat the carbonara I made for you"

"It will be a pleasure, because I'm starving and there's no better medicine to make me better than you and your delicious food"

[maycat-19-142]

Todoroki x reader training camp

A/n: this is going to be a short series with 4 parts over the arcs of mhs season 3 and 4 every part it one arc | enjoy

⚠️: fem reader, spoilers for season 3, uraraka pucking, fire, you training for like 7 hours. You calling him sho, the villain attack, toga and knifes. Kidnapping, spelling mistakes, swaring, compress is referred to as "the man" a lot. Passing out, angst, light fluff.

Quirk: magic- you can do everything scarlet witch can basically

Word:2,770 wow longest thing I've written

Non of the characters or quotes are mine they belong to the original creator that said don't steal my work ©️Maycat-19-142 2023

Part1/part2/part3/part4

You woke up and immediately got to training with your class. You are in the hero course and have a control based quirk so you have to do focus traing. That is how you ended you using you quirk to juggle three 10 pound rocks while jogging.

You hatred it but "it would help" at least that is what momo said. You finished your 4th lap as you saw class 1-b. Mr.vlad was talking lile this was a game show. You saw your friends from middle school setsuna and you waved causing you to drop 2 rock almost hitting aizawa.

You got scolded by aizawa then you started to run again. You ran and to make you lap go faster you watched you classmates while trying to keep your quirk running to keep the rocks up. You ran and saw iida pass you as he was also running laps.

You saw sero and kaminari on the mountain and uraraka pucking in by some trees. Yiu then felt a blast of heat and then cold. You looked over to see yiu boyfriend in a barrel of water freezing it and bolting it. He looked so tired.

You kept running for almost 6 more hour with only three 20 minutes breaks. In that short time you just drank water and went to the bathroom. Finally you got the ok to stop and go wash up for dinner. You fast todoroki and just waved as you walked to the girls drom.

Later on all of class a and b got to the cooking stations. You walked over to momo,mina, and todoroki who were talking about their training,but then you heard ragdoll yell that it was time to cook and not to make it sloppy.

You got sent to a fire station with mina, uraraka, and sero. "Hey todoroki can we get some fire over here" mina yelled as he walked over and lit the fires and muttering a small "here let me" as sero. Fiddled with the flint he had

"Thanks sho" you said as he got called over to start another fire "no problem [nickname]" he said kissing you cheek. You heard and yell and saw Bakugou had exposed his station. That was Bakugou alright.

You worked on the meat rhe other hero course kids did there jobs. In the end you had barely enabled curry but it was still good after 7 hours of training all day. Sero then accidentally insulted momo by comparing her quirk to poo. Todoroki had to stop yiu from punching him in the face.

The next day was the same as the last but you got to spend time with todoroki in the morning. You talked as you cooked breakfast because you both got breakfast dute that day to you got an hour of uninterrupted time together cooking. That was until the bakusquad showed up and it was loud.

You started the same exact thing to did yesterday except to had 2 more rocks. So lap after lap to ran with the rocks now totaling 5. On one of your breaks you and todoroki were sitting together in silence till yiu heard pixie bob. Yella that you got to play a game today after training. Yay you thought more training. Todoroki look over and said "if we're not on the same team I will try my hardest to beat you." You just smiled and said "same to you sho"

Later you and shoto were moving fire wood for dinner shoto stopped to talk to deku. Yiu just kept walking to get the wood to mina. After that you started getting ready for the game and yiu got paired with deku. You started talk about things like home town and his mega crush on uraraka. Thay made him turn red.

Yiu walked over to todoroki who was with bakugou of all people. "You ok sho" you asked him "just odd gut feeling thats all." Said calmly "you think you going to lose" teased he just shock his head as him and bakugou got called to go next.

You heard a yell and a fire smell. You looked back to see pixie bob get thrown back and hit a staff held by a person with short red hair. You run in the forest to find and warn them of rhe attack. You find tyu and uraraka first and they are not sure of what is happening.

You then say you got scared and ran ahead of deku and yiu wanted to join them. They had no idea of the attack so it was best to keep everyone calm. You then start walking.

You start to fell guilty and just say it "there is an attack" tyu look at you and said "I thought so" uraraka looked shocked "why didn't you tell us"

"I did not want to scare you" yiu said and uraraka just nodded knowing she would do the same. You look around you and see and girl in a school uniform. It is different than your but it is a school uniform. She has a knife and is wearing battle gear.

In that moment you heard a familiar voice in your head "every one in class-a and class-b in the name of rhe prohero eraserhead you granted permission to engage in combat i repeat use you training yiu may fight these villains." It was ms. mandaly.

You faced the girl. She lunged at uraraka and hit her arm. She started bleeding. Uraraka grabbed her arm and both yiu and tyu asked if she was ok. She said she was fine so you turned to the girl again. She had 2 blonde buns and the knife she has was covered in uraraka blood. "Shallow not much blood" rhe girl said looking at the knife.

"Who goes slashing people out of know where." Tyu asked the girl

"Who are you" you asked preparing to attack her

"I'm toga, jeez you 3 are super cute uraraka, tyu and [lastname]." The girls now known as toga said

"How does she know our names" uraraka said to toga

"Maybe the sport fest" you wishpered.

Tyu said "we know nothing of her so we're at a disadvantage stayon gard" yiu nodded in agreement to tyu's statement

"There's not enough blood, normally i would suck it straight from the cut but no time. Alright girl this machine will start sucking it out as soon as I stick it in you. All get what I need and move on, so who's first" toga said calmly. She then lunged again at uraraka and tyu rapped her tongue around uraraka waist move in her out of the way.

"You got to get back to camp we have permission to use quirks to protect ourselves not to counter attack I'm sure that is what mr.aizawa meant." Tyu said throwing uraraka up in the air

"[Yourname], tyu come on" uraraka yelled out to you.

"We're coming uraraka" you yelled as toga lunged again hitting tyu tongue and below your ear with double sided knife.

"[Yourname], tyu, [yournameI, tyu I like it" toga said "what cute names I think I'll call both of you that too"

Tyu yelled back "no only my friends get to call me that." She lowered in to a fighting stance. But toga hit her hair with a nettle from her support gear pinning her to a tree. She then started to dance and say that she was tyu friend.

"We're coming tyu" you and uraraka yelled as you ran to her. "Oh your bleeding tyu you couldn't be anymore adorable i love boiled, we're going to be such good friends" toga laughed

"Get away from her" uraraka said as she when to hit toga and toga hit her hair. Uraraka then started using Marshall arts she learned with gunhead.

"Uraraka that was amazing" you and tyu said at urarakas bravery

"Tyu can you use her tongue to restrain her hands or is your tongue hurt and [yourname] can you use you quirk to lift her." You nodded and tyu also nodded.

You heard toga say calmly "uraraka your delightful to you have rhe same smell as me you got a crush on someone am I right. So do I and let me guess you want to be exactly like that special person huh. I can tell to love sick girls." Uraraka looked horrified as toga continued "first you Model you self after them by dressing lile them thing is that is not enough yiu have to got further then you realize yiu want to become them. Ones yiu get to that point there is no going back that is how love is right, who has your eye I love people who have been slashed up and smell of fresh blood. That why I always end up cutting them. Hey uraraka this is fun right just 2 girl talking about our crushes."

Then uraraka got stabbed with a part of toga gear and it started to pump her blood "uraraka" you and tyu yelled. Yiu started to run run to her but uraraka said "stay back i don't want yiu to get hurt too."

Toga just started to say over and over "suck suck suck suck" you heard shoij and saw him and deku and yiu and tyu yelled "help us help her" Toga then jumped up out of uraraka grip and moved to the tree line "stop" you yelled running after her but tyu grabbed your arm to stop you.

Toga them said "there are too many people and I don't feel like getting killed tonight todeels" but then she stopped as she saw deku covered in blood on shoij's back "yiu and uraraka tried again to go after her but you got stopped by tyu again "we don't know her quirk"

Todoroki,bakugou,and tokoyami joined deku and shoij "are you all ok who was that girl just now" Todoroki said with a worried tone "We're fine sho and that girl was a villain she was crazy"

Deku said slowly "uraraka [lastname] your bleeding" todoroki eyes widened a bit as he walked closer to you and saw the cut under your ear. "You're sure your ok [yourname]" todoroki said quietly. You knew he was worried he never called you by your name ever only if he was mad or worried he always called you a nickname.

"Sho I'm fine just shaking up that's all" he nodded and you put yiu arm around him. He couldn't hug yiu due to the fact he was carrying a boy from 1-B.

"Deku what happened to you, you look horrible" uraraka asked the green hair boy on his classmates back "join our group we are protecting kaccan and making our way to camp" tyu replied calmly "if you're protecting bakugou shouldn't he be with you guys" "what are you talking about he is right behi-" deku was cut of to see bakugou was not there.

Deku looked shocked as he looked around to see no sign of bakugou. A male voice coming from a tree said "nice trick a I took the lad you talking about with my magic. Talent like his would be squander if he was cast as a hero. We'll give him a grander stage were he can truly shine."

"Give him back" deku yelled at the man in a long yellow coat. your hand stated to glow with yiu magic as you prepared to attack him

"Give him back what a odd thing to say bakugou don't belong to anyone he is his own person don't be arrogant"

"We'll stop you" deku yelled as todoroki froze the ground "why the aggressiveness we much show him whatelsethereis other than hero life" said he man a he jumped to avoid the attack

"It is not just bakugou he took tokoyami to." Shoji yelled "if you are monologing just because you think you've got use beat your mistaken" todoroki yelled

The man said simplely "sorry habit of mine I used to be and entertainer you know. Tokoyami was a bit if improv on my part. When I saw tokoyami take moonlight down so fast I thought I must take him too"

"You basterd" deku yelled as you flew up and thought a blast at him and todoroki gave the boy for class 1-B to uraraka. The ice blast todoroki shot was one of the tallest you have seen every in the time you have known yiu boyfriend

"Apologize by slight of hand is my specialty" he yelled as he jumped and escaped. He started to talk in his com. You landed from the air and stumbled back a bit. Yiu felt todoroki catch you "you ok" he asked

"Yup just thrown off that's all" you said standing up and fixing you shirt. And get ready to go after the man and your classmates.

"We'll stop them" said todoroki and deku as you all stated to run after them. You and you class were struggling to keep so yiu took flight to follow him. You got close multiple time but he always out ran You.

Then you saw todoroki deku and Shoji fly though the air to catch up with you in the air and they hit the man to the ground. You tried to soften there fall with you quirk but it didn't work as well as you thought. The 4 of them landed on he ground of a small clearing that had other villains around it like the girl that you fought earlier. "who are they" you heard one of the villains that you do not recognize said.

A blast of flame went out and it hit you flannel lighting it on fire. You heard todoroki ask if everyone was ok you yelled that you were fine as you took of your buring flanel. a villain jump and tried to attack todoroki but he was blocked by an ice wall. toga charged where you were with the hurt deku. you blocked her attack as she tried to pin deku to the ground and get his blood you tried to get her away from deku by she almost cut you and shoij knocked her off of him.

she threatened to cut you and shoij even thought yall were "not her type" you saw shoji pull 2 marbles out of his pocket and he said "these are tokoyami and bakugou"

"color me impressed" the villain said as todoroki made an ice wall to block the villain he was fighting. you and the other students there ran to get out of the clearing but a nomu and a smock villain showed up and blocked you. the smoke villain said "it has been five minutes so let's go dabi" toga said "sorry deku but see you later ok"

all the villains slowly entered the warp gate made by the smock based villain. "they don't have the kid" he villain said as you looked up and he continued "i wanted to let them gloat for a bit because they thought it was so smart to check my pockets, but let me explain a basic thing. if i'm showing something shiney it is because they is something else i don't want you to see" he then moved his mask to show on his tongue was bakugou and tokoyami. the marbles that shoij had took to their normal form as todoroki's ice. deku then charged at the man with bakugou and tokoyami as you tried to stop him but he just moved to fast for you so you joined in the sprint to get them both back.

"forgive me" the masked man said as he moved in the gate to escape. then Aoyama hit the man's mask and broke it. the man spit out of marbles and shoji was able to grab one that had tokoyami in it. dabi got to the one with bakugou in it after he blocked you, and todoroki for it. you and shoto slid on the ground as you missed bakugou. you were able to catch shoto so he did not get hurt anymore than he already had been.

all you hear before passing out was "checkmate" from villain and deku yelling "BAKUGOU NO!!" and then it all went black. The next thing you knew was waking up in a hospital with jiro and hagakure. the rescue of bakugou was done and all might retired after a extrem fight. you saw todoroki in the chair next to you bed he had bangges and small cuts on his face but he was ok and alive

I loved this but it took like 2 hours 👏 have a good day and night 🌙

Pixie out 🧚‍♀️

[alice-drysdale]

Guidance (part 2)

Alice’s POV:

Every morning feels the same, feeling the cold air in my room, smelling my dirty sheets, looking in my cracked mirror for 10 minutes asking myself if I will ever appreciate myself.

The answer is no. Probably not. But at this point I don’t even care. I feel empty every morning when I wake up, every minute I get screamed at by my parents and every second when is see my ugly reflection.

The constant screaming match my parents have are tiring. It’s always the same.

Maybe that’s why I’m excited now because I got a little change in my live. And that is saying hello to Mr Hiddleston and talking for 20 minutes before my break is over and I have to go back to my next class.

We have these small talks now for five weeks. And they were/are the best five weeks of the 11 years of school I ever had.

He is such a nice and fun person to be around. We talk a lot about books, poetry and theater. Sometimes he lends me books he thinks are interesting. And I read every single one of them and gave him my critics on it.

It felt like someone actually took my opinion seriously and by hart. And that’s why I got slowly emotionally attached to him.

Something that changed too was that I now sit next to him and not at the other side of the table anymore. It’s nice being so close to him. He radiates warmth and comfort with his calm presence. It’s something I never experienced, but it’s so nice.

Walking to school and back was always very tedious. I had to walk for an hour and ten minutes two times every day. But there is nothing I can do. My parents won’t give me money for driving with the bus or making my drivers license.

But it’s okay because on the way to school I already think about what me and Mr Hiddleston could talk about. Yesterday he told me he got a surprise for me and I ask myself what it is.

I try to listen to Mrs Gosling but it’s hard. I don’t understand math, I never did. And the bell would ring in a minute for Lunch so I only think about storming out of this classroom.

When the bell finally rings I but my stuff in my bag and run to the library. And Mr Hiddleston is already sitting at the table typing something on his phone.

„ well well well I think I have to confiscate that, no phones allowed Mr Hiddleston” he looked up surprised but then chuckled. „you are right I’m sorry Miss Bielefeld”

I set myself down next to him. I could smell his Parfum it was a citrusy and fresh smell with a bit of musk.  it’s addictive „you told me you have a surprise for me yesterday?” I asked excited.

„Did I?” He looked at me confused and my smile dropped slowly. But then he smirked at me „just kidding of course I do, wait” he looked around in his bag looking for something and pulled what looked like two pieces of paper out.

„I talked to the principal and told him what wonderful after- school- work you did for me for extra credit. And I told him that for this extra credit I planned on having a little educational trip for about 5 hours tomorrow. You will be excused for tomorrow and you will not have to attend your normal classes.“

He gave me one of the small pieces of paper… and it was a ticket for a theater show tomorrow. I was just holding it in my hands starring at it in disbelief. „I don’t think that the principal has to know that your extra credit was just reading a few books“ he chuckles

I teared up still holding the ticket in my hands starring at it. Mr Hiddleston Noticed that I wasn’t saying anything and he said slowly „I just thought it’s something you would maybe enjoy because you told me you never saw a show before. You don’t have to go of course- ”

But before he could finish his sentence I turned around and hugged him tightly crying into his shoulder. „T-Thank you“ I said still crying. he was Hesitating but then wrapped his arms around me too and stood up from the chair she he could hug me properly.

He probably doesn’t know what he really did to me with this. This was the first time someone ever gifted me something… and he gave me something i told him and wished for a few weeks ago.

When I was coming to my senses again I pulled away still looking at him with My watery eyes „how much did it cost?” I asked

He looked into my eyes saying seriously „it’s nothing you should ever worry about. I go to the theater often and buying a ticket more won’t make me poor“ he said softly.

“Here this is my email Adress, just write me one later where you want to get picked up. I will be there at around 8 am” he wrote it Down and gave it to me.

„Okay will do, thank you” I nodded. His thumb wiped away the last tear that rolled down my cheek. And this beautiful moment was destroyed by the bell

„Now I want you to stop crying, go to your next class and pay good attention. Can you do that for me Alice?” I nodded again and he smiled at me and I walked out of the room with a lot of different emotions…

Emotions I’ve never felt before. But I was sure of something

they were emotions I shouldn’t have for my teacher

When I got home I send Mr Hiddleston the Adresse from the Bus stop near my house. He send me an email back hoping that I will like the show tomorrow and that I should go to bed now to get a good sleep.

And I did exactly that. But I was to excited and I couldn’t sleep for the next 3 hours. But at some point my body was to tiered and i fell asleep.

_______________________________________________

Uff part 2 and I feel like I want to switch guidance into a dark story. If you got any suggestions or want to get tagged just write me. But until then I see you next Tim! :D

[galacticnova3]

feel like you were being over dramatic with the hospital thing

?????? No I wasn’t??? If anything I was being UNDERdramatic. Do you have any idea what cholelithiasis feels like? Consistently rated worse than period cramp pain(which I can personally vouch for). I was in agony for over 11 hours before I decided to go to the ER; it’s not like I just went on a whim or convinced myself it was worse than it was. It felt like there was an oil drill bit gouging out my insides from just below my ribs out through my spine. I usually under rate pain because I’m scared of making people think I’m being dramatic or that my situation is worse than it is. Yesterday my pain was a 7-8, and after a while hit 9 bordering on 10. I didn’t sleep for almost 20 hours straight because I was in so much pain, and when I finally did manage to fall asleep it lasted 2 hours max and was because my sister let me have one of her melatonin pills and that paired with the exhaustion enough for me to finally pass out.

They gave me morphine while I was hooked up on an IV, and while that brought my pain down to a 2 or 3(MASSIVE IMPROVEMENT), it lasted for less than 20 minutes before steadily climbing right back to where it was. The second dose of morphine didn’t do anything for me. I have been struggling to keep WATER down, and the pain spikes if I move too quickly, sit down, change positions in bed, bend over, take a full breath, cough, sneeze, or laugh. The hospital didn’t give me any pain relievers when I was discharged, just anti-nausea pills, and I’ve been alternating between 4 and 7 in terms of pain level since getting home. None of the suggestions for pain relief have helped(laying on left side, ibuprofen, heated compress) and the only reason I’ve been posting semi-normally is because it helps to distract me from my ongoing agony.

At the hospital, the nurses(who were very kind and understanding) were students who were still in training, so when I had to get bloodwork done it ended up getting messy and requiring them to switch arms. I am extremely bad with needles so as you can imagine it was a horrible experience on my end. Before the IV was put in, during the second attempt at getting blood drawn, the nurse responsible mistakenly removed the tourniquet too early and subsequently had to squeeze my arm directly, and I still have some of the bruising from it. I also got some minor bruising during the ultrasound.

Last time I had a severe gallbladder attack it was roughly 10 hours of ceaseless agony but ended up going away en route to the emergency room; I still got evaluated, scheduled for an ultrasound, and subsequently diagnosed with gall stones. I waited because I hoped it might sort itself out and therefore I wouldn’t be even more of a financial burden on my family because US healthcare system sucks. This time the pain was so bad for so long that I was genuinely worried my gallbladder had ruptured, which can be fatal if not treated quickly. That’s why I ultimately drove myself to the hospital. My sister had to come pick me up since I got hit with the morphine beam and wasn’t clear to drive home by myself. I still don’t even know what triggered the flare up since I haven’t eaten anything out of the ordinary.

[beautifultacozippergiant]

Finally back on pt.2

Steve had laid out a pink pleated micro mini skirt, white lace thong panties, black stay up stockings, 3" heel black lace ankle boots, sheer white button up blouse, sheer pink lace bra, breast forms, and black leather collar that has "slut" in jeweled letters.

There was a note on the skirt that said, "No wig, style your own hair. You want to be a slut? I want to see how much of a slut you can be. Impress me bitch or be ready for a divorce! I want you ready to be picked up by 9 p.m. tomorrow night."

I spent all day yesterday pampering myself. Bubble baths and wine. I painted all my nails with a pink glitter polish. My toes show in the ankle boots Steve picked, so I want them to look nice. I had a wonderful sissygasm on Master Grey's dildo cock. GOD I love fucking him. Mmmm, anyway, I got all shaved and lotioned before styling my hair. It is just past collar length, but I had never tried to style it before. I was nervous but it was actually fun. I still prefer my long wigs, but the shorter style made me look rebellious. I did my make-up and went a little extra with pink colors to match my outfit.

Getting dressed, my hands were shaking as the reality started to set in. My wife's BF was going to pick me up looking like a total whore.

Once dressed, I looked in my full length mirror and it made me even more nervous. Stocking were on full display, bottom 1/3 of me ass was showing due to the VERY small skirt he picked out, and my bra and tits may as well have been uncovered. With my hands shaking even more, I poured another glass of wine since I had about 20 minutes before Steve was supposed to arrive. Sipping wine most of the day had me pretty relaxed, but when Steve pulled up, I felt my heart racing!

It wasn't quite dark yet, so I knew this was a dangerous walk to his car. To make it worse he parked curb side instead of on the driveway. I grabbed my clutch with my i.d., lipstick, and house key, and headed out.

Wheni got in he looked me up and down before he said, "You make me better cunt that a man."

Bowing my head, I told him thanks. I had my blouse open to just above mid tit. Being mostly se through I thought it was enough. Steve told me to unbutton my blouse and tie it at my waist. I did as I was told and looking down I was no longer a slut. I was a full blow exhibitionist whore.

As we drove Steve told me to pull his cock out and suck it. Like a true whore I dove in to find his massive fuck stick. I sucked, slurped, and took as much of his half hard dick in my mouth as possible. Every once in a while he would push the back of my head down and force more of his dick in my throat.

We stopped and he told me to sit up. When I did I saw we were at some kind of club. He looked at me and very sternly told me, "Do not adjust your clothing unless I tell you to. Do not embarrass me. Do not be disobedient. Do I make myself clear?"

I nodded yes, but Steve grabbed my chin so I had to look in his eyes. He barked at me, "Do you understand bitch?"

I said, "Yes Sir."

He then told me, "That will be your ONLY response is Yes Sir or there will be consequences. Now get the fuck out."

We walked into this club. It was a gay club and had other cross dressers, but none looked anywhere near as slutty as me. Steve told me to follow him. Apparently, he had been there... a lot. He knew so many people. I followed him out to a patio table, and he ordered me a drink. We sat for a few before a young man asked Steve if I could dance with him. Steve said, "Take the bitch and enjoy her."

It was more grinding than dancing. He kept my skirt up over my panties every chance he got. If I was facing him he would lift my skirt to grab my ass. Facing away from him and he would lift it to grab my bare hips and grind his bulge against my boi pussy.

This went on for a couple of hours. Drinks, dancing, more drinks, being groped, having my ass slapped, and more drinks. I was feeling pretty drunk when Steve grabbed my arm and led me out of the club.

I remember seeing 11:10 p.m. on this dash clock. Withing a couple of minutes he parked again, but this time in front of an adult arcade.

I obediently followed him in. Men everywhere were staring at me. Steve led me to a theater room. We sat near the back and watched the porn that was playing on the big screen. Because of the screen size it lit the room up pretty well.

Steve forced me to my knees and pushed his exposed cock in my mouth. As I enjoyed pleasuring hime I noticed men were gathering around. This is when Steve told me to stand up and bend over the chairs. When I did he raised my skirt and loudly said, "This cunt is yours to use and enjoy. She can’t say no."

Suddenly I had hands all over me. I felt a dick being pushed in my pussy. As he began fucking me from behind a cock was pushed down my throat and started fucking my mouth and throat relentlessly.

Within a minute the one fucking me exploded deep inside me. He wasn't the largest cock but damn he flooded me. So much it was pouring out before he stopped throbbing.

He pulled out and another, larger dick went in balls deep in one push. I almost had a full-blown sissygasm right then. The dick in my mouth gave a final push down my throat, and then he blew his hot seed into my belly. I didn't know where Steve was but I wanted to make sure he was pleased. So I swallowed for all I was worth. When this guy took his dick out of my mouth the one fucking me pulled me backwards so I was riding his cock reverse cowgirl. Then 2 more cocks were in my face.

This repeated itself again and again. Still being drunk I don't know how many men fucked me, or fucked me twice, but when Steve finally took me out I had cum everywhere. It was in my hair, on my face, on my tits and stomach, dripping from my pantie covered pussy, and a belly full of man seed.

When I got home I was told to sit and wait. Steve went to the store, but when he came back he threw me face down on the floor, ripped my panties off, and pushed his huge cock to my cum filled cunt. Even lubed by cum his girth was making it difficult to take him. He kept pushing and when the head of his dick popped into my fuckhole??? I thought he was tearing me apart!!

He started slow fucking me while working more and more inside me. As he got deeper I was relaxing more. As he got deeper I could feel my own orgasm building.

He started fucking me in long strokes and feeling his balls slap against me when he hit bottom was euphoric! He was deeper than I had ever had, thicker than I had ever had, and it hurt SOOOO good. As I started lifting to fuck him back he told me to beg for it. Beg for him to fuck me like the whore I am.

I was practically screaming for him to fuck me, cum in me, and use me like a whore. When my sissygasm hit? It ravaged my body!!! All of the alcohol, fucking, sucking, cum, and exhibitionist whoring I had done that night plus having this massive meat fucking me while I begged for it! My body convulsed and my clitty was spurting wildly.

This must have set him off too. The last thing I remember is him grabbing my collar and pulling hard! Cutting off my air as I felt the first convulsions of him cumming deep inside me as I blacked out.

I came to and Steve was dressed. He said, "You may just make it out of this unscathed."

It is now 4 a.m.... finally showered, but still have cum leaking from my VERY sore and VERY stretched fuckhole. I'm gonna sleep so well.

[taylor]

If the following situation happened to you, how would you feel? Because I’m really hurt and pissed but maybe I’m missing something obvious?

- Last Tuesday, my friend Jordyn invited me and another friend to a bar this weekend on Saturday (last night).

- Saturday morning (yesterday) she texts the group chat and verifies we’re still down for the night - the plan at this point is meet at Jordyn’s house at 7 to leave together to the bar.

- It’s 6:30 PM and I’ve been cleaning the house and realize I’m going to be late, so I call Jordyn to let her know I’ll just meet her at the bar. She doesn’t answer, so I check my texts and see that I missed where she said at 3:40 PM in the group text: “Change of plans no bar tonight the vibe is weird”. I reply back asking about the vibe being weird and she texts me one on one saying she’ll call me in 10 minutes and I’m like sweet cool that’s fine - that’s at 6:30 PM. (for context, she was at a friend’s graduation, and had to see a girl she’s been in a semi-fight and big misunderstanding with, so my assumption is the “vibe” being off was due to this other girl and her boyfriend, who Jordyn had been somewhat involved with at some point.)

- I’m not the kind of person who thinks 10 minutes HAS to always mean 10 minutes, so I continue cleaning and an hour and 20 minutes go by and I decide to text her like bestie what’s the tea i’m so curious (this is at like 7:50 PM i think?) and right after i send it I open my find my friends app and I see Jordyn literally pull up at the bar, like the timing was insane to actually see her pull up like that.

- So she’s at the bar, that she said earlier tonight wasn’t happening anymore. I’m pissed because I feel like somewhere along the line she lied to me and I don’t understand why. Either she lied about me being invited to the bar in the first place, which doesn’t make sense, or she lied about it being cancelled, or just lied by omission. I ended up checking her location like 4 hours later and she was still at the bar (she’s home now so she didn’t leave her phone there like she’s done before lol).

…would y’all feel the same anger/resentment/sadness/etc that I feel? Because Jordyn and I recently got into a huge argument where I told her I felt she didn’t value our friendship because she kept cancelling plans last minute and I just wanted to hang out with her and it felt like I didn’t matter enough to her for her to always come up with an excuse for why today wouldn’t work - to her credit, though, when we finally talked things through 2 weeks later, she apologized for always cancelling or changing plans and said she’d try to be better about it (which is all anyone can ask for, for someone to TRY, and the result is MORE time with my bestie, which I always want). Then this happens not even a week after we reconciled over her CANCELLING AND CHANGING PLANS ALL THE TIME? like maybe i’m just an idiot but it seems to me like maybe not ideal to cancel plans with someone only to keep those same plans actually and just lol never reply to them?

Also, I texted her a few minutes later after I saw her get to the bar and I suggested seeing a movie or going to the bar anyway - I didn’t wanna be the weirdo who’s like I SEE YOURE AT THE BAR WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT but honestly i was hoping she’d just say “omg come on by, the plans are back on!!” bc i was literally ready to go out and have fun, and i wanted to even try to give her an “out” where she could see i was still trying to make something happen, but wasn’t calling her out (even tho i probably rightfully could have). so anyway, i did text her at 8 pm with that idea and then at like 12:45 she’s still at the fucking bar and has yet to text me back, which will probably happen tomorrow but until then i’m just left to sit here and wonder what the fuck just happened and maybe she just doesn’t want me around? am i oblivious to this and maybe i’ve been recently annoying her and she felt like she had no option but to not re-invite me? or had no option but to lie? she’s like my best friend irl and so i don’t want to lose her but i don’t like this icky feeling i’ve got going on

[lookatlavender]

Denial Challenge Update (17 Days, 11 Hours Left) Pt. 1

Yesterday I was super busy again so I didn’t get to start playing until way later in the night. i was kinda sleepy but horny enough that i still really wanted to fuck myself though, so after i put dinner away i set up a warm bath and all of my toys, one of which was suctioned to the wall.

Based on the rule from 💫, i had to hold my toy inside my mouth for as long as I wanted to be allowed to fuck myself. i was originally planning for like 15-20 minutes and thought that would be a struggle, and at first it was. for the first few minutes i gagged a lot and kept having to stop the timer, but once i settled into it and relaxed i was able to stay with my mouth all the way around the toy for multiple minutes at a time.

at some point my eyes drifted shut and i started fantasizing, imaging myself tucked under a dom’s desk with their cock or strap in my mouth. i started teasing the toy with my mouth instead of just holding it there, trying out all the ways i would pleasure them and tease them with my mouth while they tried to focus. i love the idea of distracting someone, teasing my mouth along their cock and pulling them away from their work until they have to pull my mouth off of them, maybe give me a light slap, and warn me to behave myself so they can get their work done.

eventually i was lost in it enough that i forgot to even turn the timer back on, and i was basically just…making out with the dildo where it was stuck to the wall. i kissed and sucked all over the tip, teasing it in and out of my lips and then doing the same down the length of the toy, until i was kissing and sucking around the balls and the base of the shaft

i remembered i had a goal after…some amount of time, and i went back to properly cockwarming the toy and timing myself. eventually i got up to 25 minutes (because i kinda didn’t want to stop), so I moved on to getting my pussy ready to fuck. i didn’t want to use lube so i just used spit to slick myself and the toys up, and then started fucking my boypussy. i started with a longer skinny toy, and then worked up through one more until I finally got to the toy I was there for. It’s a decently sized one with a big swell right under the head, and a curve at the same spot. the head is textured too, and there’s a cute little bow right around the base of the shaft 🤭 (it’s silicone, part of the sculpt :) ) it’s one of my favorite dildos, never fails to make me whine and moan, and cum over and over. Well, normally it does 😈

I did most of my edges with the biggest toy, while using my fingers on my tdick. at first i was fucking myself fast, which felt so good but kept building up too fast and making me squeeze so hard I pushed the toy out and lost my rhythm (this is a common problem for me lol) for the last 2 edges though i slowed down, and on the last i didn’t even touch my clit, just did slow, steady, deliberate thrusts deep into my pussy. i didn’t know if i would like it at first but it ended up driving me so crazy, i had to actively try not to be too loud and wake up my roommates 😵‍💫🤭

the last time i edged yesterday was the first time that I almost came from only penetration. I’ve always had to play with my clit before, honestly i thought i wasn’t able to cum from just penetration. but at least while i’m edged out and desperately horny, turns out i very much could cum just from being fucked 😩😩

that being said though, i managed to be good through all 6 edges and i didn’t ruin, even once 🥺🥺🥺 i was so proud of myself that I didn’t, i thought for sure there was going to be no way I could get through all of them without going over the edge 🙈😇

i’m definitely getting better at edging, and knowing when i have to pull back. when i feel like i’m going to tip over I’ve been repeating “good boys don’t cum” in my head, and it always helps me focus myself and keep control. and it’s also really fucking hot 😵‍💫

I recorded my last edge too, i’ll post the audio of it in another post so this one isn’t confusing 🤭

~

today my 3 edges were boring in comparison, i used my fingers on my clit for the first two. the last one I didn’t actually touch my pussy technically, i was watching porn in my bed and playing with my nipples and that got me worked up enough that I almost came with my thighs clenched together, but i spread my legs and told myself i was good and not to cum, and i was able to hold the edge 🥺

[ayliamc]

Italia

Day 10 & 11 - Roma Take Two

Steps walked: 22,929 & 12,588

Flights climbed: 14 & 6

Vehicles ridden: 0 & 4

Points of interest visited: 5 & 2

I may have killed a mosquito before bed, but ‘twas not the only one in the room. I now have about 20 bug bites, several of them new this morning. I suppose i should take it as a compliment… I must be very tasty.

Roma has one last chance to redeem itself before we head home on Day 11. We got an early start to our morning to be at the Colosseum, a 15 minute walk away, for a 9am tour.

The Colosseum is quite a marvel of engineering. They had elevators to lift the entertainment from a below ground “backstage” area, a sand floor to hide the blood, underground passages and rooms for the “entertainers”, and enough entrances and exits to empty up to 70,000 spectators in half an hour. Before the underground passages were built, the arena could be flooded for water-based entertainment, including swimming shows and naval battles. Given all this genius, it’s astonishing that they were so barbaric. Capturing animals and hunting them for entertainment before an audience, training gladiators and watching them fight to the death, public executions, not to mention all the women would have to sit in the farthest seats so as not to “distract the gladiators.”

Then during the Middle Ages the Catholics tried turning it into a big catholic monument, including plans to build a big ol’ basilica in the middle of the arena. Fortunately this never happened, but they did paint Christian murals on the walls, carved crosses everywhere they could, and installed a huge crucifix by one of the entrances. Cmon, guys. Bad form.

I think it was in the 18th century or around there during which the amphitheater was briefly used as a botanical garden. I couldn’t tell if it was intentional or a happy result of untended ruins that became overrun with plant life.

Next up was Palatine Hill which as far as I could tell was just a massive area of ruins that were originally from the Roman Empire, interspersed with more recent Christian additions as Christianity started to overtake Roma. Ruins up the wazoo. All the ruins.

Also once upon a time someone released parrots so now there are wild parrots in the area, just like in Pasadena. Felt like home.

Palatine Hill led down to the Roman Forum but by now I had suddenly been overcome with alarming hunger. The heat didn’t help. As cool as it was when we started our tour, that was three hours ago. The sun was high, it was 80°, and I hadn’t eaten lunch since yesterday. I remember almost nothing of the forum.

Here I am on the verge of death trying to focus on getting out of the ruins.

At the end of our tour, we feebly walked the twenty minutes to Buddy Veggy, a vegan restaurant at the top of my list in Roma. I was so hungry I ordered two entrees and ate them both in their entirety. No regrets.

We had about an hour at our apartment after that to brace ourselves for our afternoon engagement which was a professional photo tour, in which a local photographer takes us around to various landmarks and takes our picture. A great find on Airbnb experiences by Dan.

It felt a little awkward, and our photographer was nice and very specific with instructions but a bit hard to understand as he mumbled and was very soft spoken. But we took some pictures at a plaza that was designed by Michelangelo, a view over the Roman forum, a classic Roman street, and in a little side park facing the Colosseum. I’m looking forward to seeing the pictures.

From there, we decided to head back toward Buddy Veggy, the vegan restaurant we’d gone to for lunch because it was so good and why not. We added a stop on the way that was so close I can’t believe we walked by it on our way to lunch and didn’t notice.

I mean literally… it’s across the street. The location of Caesar’s murder. It’s a little roped off area of ruins that’s populated by cats. We saw a pine tree planted where Caesar was killed and a nearby napping cat.

Then walked twenty paces back to Buddy Veggy where they recognized us as we ordered dinner to go. We had a drink while we waited for the food to be ready. ‘Twas nice.

We turned in early and enjoyed our yummy dinner with a bottle of wine to get an early start the next morning.

Day 11, the day we travel home. But we intended to do what we could with what we had. So we woke early and headed to the Trevi Fountain, hoping to beat the worst of the crowds. It was still already pretty crowded at 8:15am so I can’t imagine what it’s like at other times of the day.

Cool fountain. I can’t tell if it’s still art fatigue or if everything pales in comparison to Firenze, but it just felt “cool” and not much more than that. Also it’s like… barely older than the US so like, brand new. Yawn, amiright?

From there we went to the Santa Maria della Vittoria so I could finally see the Ecstasy of Saint Teresa. They listed weird hours and we were there before 9, which was when Google said they opened. But some other people just walked right on in so we followed suit, careful to be quiet so as not to disturb the one praying man. Turns out he was napping, and snoring quite noticeably, but we still stayed quiet. I also made sure to wear leggings that covered my scandalous knees and a top that covered my devilish shoulders.

A nice little church and blissfully empty, giving us plenty of opportunity to admire the artwork, namely Saint Teresa. There was also this weird thing:

Still don’t know what that’s about.

But Saint Teresa was awesome. And something I didn’t realize about the sculpture was that as part of the display (she was after all made to go in that space) were marble reliefs and sculptures of spectators watching Saint Teresa in rapture. All in all a stunning display, and one I’m still confused about in terms of its intended meaning. I did some looking into Bernini, the sculptor, who was 70 if I recall when he accepted this commission. Turns out he has a knack for carving women in rapturous states. They’re magnificent. So I think I like Bernini.

We got in a few more steps trekking back to the room and then to the train station. As smooth as the locals now.

We had a great time. It was a trip a long time in the making and we got to see so many things. But I’m ready to be home with my animal family and have a break from all that walking on cobblestone streets.

Things I’ll miss:

- Relics of the Masters of the Renaissance around every corner. It was real, Leonardo. Michelangelo, I hope in death you have the peace you never found in life. Bernini… keep enjoying women’s orgasms I guess.

- Public water fountains. Seriously everywhere there are public fountains where you can just refill your water bottle.

- Lemons

- Not working and eating out for almost every meal. Tho our bank account won’t miss this.

Things I won’t miss:

- The fucking drivers. Tho the pedestrians are just as bad, just not as potentially deadly.

- The cigarettes! DisGUSting!

- Cobblestones and disappearing sidewalks

- Angry grocery store clerks

- Paying for water at restaurants

All in all, we logged 86.85 miles walked in just over 10 days, visited 7 Italian cities, saw works by Leonardo, Michelangelo, Vasari, Bernini, Botticelli, Raphael, and Caravaggio. We stood where Machiavelli wrote The Prince and where Dante was exiled, where Spartacus fought and lost against tyranny and where countless lost their lives to a volcanic eruption. History and art bled from the streets. But we cannot ignore the ugly alongside the beautiful. We saw horses abused for tourists seeking nostalgia, we were approached by beggars, stepped thru streets littered with cigarette butts and empty cups, turned our heads at the sight of giant flanks of animal flesh in windows and the smell of leather in shops.

The human experience will change in the details. Whether we have to weigh our own tomatoes in grocery stores or if crosswalks are honored by motorcyclists. But we are all just trying to survive in a harsh world, and find beauty and joy where we can.

[pbandjesse]

I felt so exhausted this morning. I honestly I'm very tired right now. But I was able to hold it together for most of the day. And honestly it was a good day.

Some of the issue was that me and James stayed up until like 2:00 a.m. because you're having fun and talking it was really nice. But then neither of us slept well after that and we had to wake up so early. I hate waking up when the sun is still down. At least in the summertime the sun is up when I wake up at 6:30.

But I, miserably, gone up and got dressed and felt all right. The sunrise was exceedingly beautiful. A deep deep red. I was a little nauseous but I knew that eating breakfast would help. So me and James left and went to go to McDonald's before we got to work. And for some reason the line at McDonald's took longer than it took us to get to work. So we ended up being 10 minutes late even though we left a half an hour before we need to be there. Stupid.

The breakfast did help. And I sat in the back and ate until I had to get ready for the day. I was really glad that we had left all the materials at all the locations. And I was training the new girl, Lauren, on the little kid programs. She had seen a few of them last month but it's been a while so I'm glad she was able to just come around with me and she'll be fine. She also teaches sub at the nursery so I know she'll do good.

I had three programs tonight. The same three programs as yesterday. In the same order. Which was nice. When the kids got there we had expected there to be 60 kids, 20 in each class. But my group only had 10 and O'Malley's had 15 and I think Joel's had 12. So in the end it was a lot easier than we were expecting.

And I had a great group. They were super calm and excited to be there but very good listeners. I had a teacher and two chaperones and they were great. Just brought great energy to the room.

We started with hats and they did so well that my intro was much longer than normal. And they listen to the story and did a great job coloring. Honestly I was so happy. And then we went and did our little hat parade. I had them point out any hats they saw or any people wearing hats. So when we got to the front desk I was like hey guys do you see someone wearing hats? And James was wearing a hat so I got to call James our hat person and got them to make an announcement about our hat parade for everyone to hear. Which made the kids very excited.

And then after our tour they went to lunch and me and O'Malley and Lauren sat in the back. Me and Lauren talked about subbing at the nursery and some of the weirdness from last year and apparently since the new director came in there's been some shake-ups and people have come in and left and things have changed. I'm curious what tomorrow will be like. I am looking forward to a different day but we'll see how it goes in the end. I hope I'm with the older kids.

In the afternoon I had extra extra, the printing program, and lids, the can program. The can one went really well. Me and Lauren made our own labels. I spelled potato wrong so I used it to make a pun for the tagline of my new potato soup company. And then they got to hang out at the car for a while. Or knock some of their energy. And then we went to the print shop. Where they didn't excellent job listening to instructions and printing on printing press. And thankfully no one put anything in their mouth like they did yesterday. I still can't believe that happened.

The kids were so sweet at the end of the day. I got a big cheer for how much they liked me. And then lots of hugs. It was great.

We walked them to the front and I would go get my sewing stuff to take over the desk from James.

I got to wave at everyone as they got on the bus. And then I took my shoes off and tucked in to working on my embroidery.

It was very gross outside. It never actually snowed like I hoped. Just gross cold rain. So no one came in for the last two hours we were open except people there for meetings. I got to just enjoy my sewing. And while I had to answer the phone a few times, there was only one call I had to pass off to Jessica because I didn't understand how to give the man on the phone and answer.

A nice man did come in who collects our oyster shells. And he apparently had never been in the musuem before so I was like. Oh let me show you some neat stuff about oysters, because he wanted to post some stuff on social media. And so I have him a mini cannery tour. And it was fun! He was a really sweet guy. Retired. Goes and does charity work on Guatemala. He took some videos of me explaining stuff around the cannery. It was fun.

It was also his daughters birthday. And because she likes cars, James recommended our art of car photography book. And then it turned out she has her degree in photography! So I hope she found the gift very thoughtful.

We wished him safety out in the weather. And then it was time to close down the museum.

I finished up my sewing for a bit. Packed up. Talked to Stanley about my sewing workshop. Which is full!! Amazing! And then me and James went home.

I was really glad to be back here where it was warm. Me and James were really tired. But there was still stuff to do.

I did some partial water changes in my tanks. And had some popcorn in bed while I kept sewing. James cleaned the linens. And we had texmex for dinner.

We had desserts. James had ice cream and I had cake. And sweetp has been so cute resting his face on my hands while I'm scrolling on my phone.

It's just been a really nice evening. But I am really hoping I can fall asleep early tonight.

Tomorrow I am at the nursery! I haven't been there since the spring. So I'm looking forward to it. Though I don't love a 930 to 530 shift. But that's alright. It will still be a good day.

I hope you all have a good day too. Sleep well everyone. Take care of yourselves!

[nathank77]

12/21/24

9:52 a.m

There is snow and i have to clean my car if I'm to go to the gym.. I have to clean my car anyways. I went for a late gym day on Thursday and I mean it sucked for 2 reasons.

1) i ate my one meal of the day before I went. So I felt like I wasn't taking care of myself after the gym by only eating protein bars... I ended up eating a cheese sandwich before bed to make sure I had carbs and shit.

I like eating my full real meal right after the gym... for muscle repair.. and building..

2) I feel a little rushed bc I dont want to drive at night but I know it's inevitable. I didn't actually rush. I was there for almost 3 hours... but I mean in the morning I dont feel rushed.

So idk. I got to clean my car and the driveway eventually. But I like to wait until 2 or so bc its the hottest it'll be bc of the sun...

I might just clean my car around then and stay home. I can do legs tomorrow. And do arms/chest and abs on Monday. I feel like I'm slacking but I mean my body is also like you want to go 6 days out of 7... I'm tired and my trap isn't healed yet. But we could do legs today. Abs tomorrow and arms on Monday but then on Thursday you'll be real disappointed that you didn't do abs on monday...

But yea.. I've been trying to talk myself through my mom being on the floor and the blood.. it was a real bad nose bleed... it makes it less traumatic.. but it's still traumatic...

I might make eggs, wash dishes... clean my car... and then game... but idk.

Idk. I might call a crisis center just to have someone to talk to. One of the saddest things about having ocd is people think you can just get over it. But the anxiety is so fucking bad and your mind does mental gymnastics. It goes 500 miles a minutes about this touching that, and that touched that 3 weeks ago in the same spot, that your mom's shit bag touched that last week. People don't get it. Ocd is so severely debilitating..

Id love to have Riley sleep in my bed and not care about her period blood dripping everywhere. I'd love to not freak out over her poison ivy hair being on everything. I'd love to play with her and be her best friend. She's actually a really good dog. Like super good. Super obedient. Prob the best dog we have ever had in terms of obedience. She doesn't go to the bathroom in the house. She will hold it for hours. She's gotten less whiny..... less...... it's still bad and ruins my recordings if I were to game... and the random barking...

I can't be that guy though. More thyriod meds are not the answer. Flooding is not the answer. My barricade is the answer and coping with her hair being in my bed and trying to push it out of my bed with a pair of socks I'll throw in the laundry bc it touched it... while freaking out about my clothes on my body touching it while I sleep... and knowing I can't control it without washing my sheets everyday and even still it'll find it's way into my bed......... that's enough to cope with. Washing my clothes and finding her nasty hair in my clean clothes and knowing that I could wash it 50000 more times and it'll never come out. So I have to wear the clothes and pretend I don't know there is Riley fur all over my body...

Riley had a Dihherea disaster in her crate on the floor in front of it. Obv an accident... appearantly she didn't eat yesterday. My mother has been feeding her mushrooms with spices, fish burgers like baked fish on hamburgers rolls. Legit the entire sandwich. My mother prepares her own food and makes Riley a plate like she's a person and Riley jumps on her almost pushing her over trying to get to it.. she never did that with me... she respected my food... but my mother enables the behavior by making her a plate and then feeding her whatever she eats right after.

I mean the Dihherea was a disaster. Like when I say Riley is dying here. I don't mean like oh we are all dying since the day we are born. I mean she's 20 pounds heavier. She's prob got something stuck in her gi tract... she's still got two bald spots. Her not being fixed is actually a health issue and shortens her life. She will never get fixed here. Nala never did....

I'm sick of watching this and having my ocd and thyriod being ignored. No i won't do a biopsy and no i can't work. Why can't i work? Well my ocd was terrible before Riley. Now it's 50000000 billion times worse. My mental gymnastics went through the roof. More compulsions. More rituals to keep me safe.

And if my thyroid doesn't matter to anyone but me if it's cancer and it kills me, I'll commit suicide before it gets bad. I hope it isn't cancer. But I mean if they don't care, I don't want them to stand next to me and hold my hand while Riley is a constant reminder they don't actually care.

I'm never getting out of my little box. No one is going to date me. And until Riley dies... I'll have all these extra rituals and compulsions... that could go away if Riley left. Some would remain for a while.. but most would disappear after one good house cleaning session.

And everyone thinks I'm the problem bc she's this cute, adorable, good dog. And I'm the crazy guy who should get over it all. But I can't.

I wish I had a therapist.

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, AUGUST 15, 2000 Fortunately, Paul didn’t try to call today while I was out. Yeah, we went to Whataburger and ate inside instead of going through the drive-thru. I missed those chicken strips. Tom got a burger and some fries. It was our first time in a fast food place in ages. Probably the longest we’ve gone without it since knowing each other. I felt I deserved a treat after reaching 113 pounds! And he certainly deserved it, too.

We also stopped at the grocery store. We picked up a few things – bread, chicken slices for my sandwiches, a birthday card for his mom, another John Sandford book, and a couple of 9-volt batteries. I needed one for the alarm clock so that I don’t have to worry about resetting the alarm when we have power failures. They also had a two-for-one deal on scent cartridges, so I picked up their new rainshower scent for the main body of the house (den, kitchen, living room). The big open part of it. Rainshower is OK, but not as good as Country Garden, vanilla, Tropical Mist, strawberry, and raspberry.

I slept later today than I should have and would’ve liked to. I didn’t get up till 10:00, so I gotta back up and hope the storms don’t interfere with my sleeping schedule.

They shut the power down again yesterday evening for about 20 minutes, obviously to repair whatever the storm had damaged, but fortunately, this didn’t entice our local assholes to blast their music. Tom said he thinks that our storm performer got sick of not having anything so it went out to blast the music to hear in its house. But we could hear it in our house, so somehow I doubt they needed to play it that loud to hear it in their house. Maybe they really did want to listen to music, but either way, they didn’t want themselves to be the only ones to listen to it. They wanted to include as many others as they could.

I had a very disturbing dream last night. In the dream, our living room where the animals and Bowflex are was our den. Tom noticed a couple of cop cars through the mostly closed blinds pull in down by Meadow Green. Panic came over me and I was like – oh no! Now what? But I knew that no matter what, they had come to arrest me. I heard someone say, “OK, guys,” then give instructions we couldn’t hear, as half a dozen or so people got out of the 2-3 cars. I wasn’t about to open the door this time around, but they stayed out there for hours! They even set up this hutch-like thing for refreshments while they waited. I wondered how they knew anyone was home since our lights were off and our blinds were shut, even though the car was there. We could’ve gone off with someone else, for all they knew. Next thing I knew it was dark and Tom had gone to bed. I then realized that no, all the blinds weren’t down, so I pulled down the bedroom shades and blinds, wondering if they had seen me. Then it was light out again and sunlight was streaming in and right on me as I looked out and saw they were still there, and then it was dark again. Somehow I knew, though, that it was still the same day. The cops had been out there for about 6 hours. I then realized that they’d only get to me as soon as he left for work in the morning so I decided I had no choice but to surrender. So, Tom went out and spoke to them and brought in this woman who was with them while I changed into better clothes. I asked Tom, on my way out to all the waiting cops, if he knew what this was all about. I figured he’d tell me it was the freeloaders trying to get me, but nope. It was all about the assholes back east. That caused a real panic, as well as anger, to settle over me, for the folks may be mean, but not stupid. They could persuade law enforcement to suspect I tried to kill them if they really wanted to.

I thought about that when I woke up right about that point. Yes, they could persuade law enforcement of all kinds of nasty things. Hell, they could persuade the president to hang himself! I don’t know what their trick is, but as I know I’ve said before, these people are just about the most persuasive people I know. They had me brainwashed for years. And I don’t know yet that there won’t be a comeback from others I sent nasty letters to. I just didn’t think Tammy and Bill would be first on the list. I was thinking Jenny, Ronnie and Larry would be higher up on the list, but Larry may feel that doing anything would be giving me the reaction I may want, and he may feel that reacting in any way would be acknowledging me (something he’d never want to do again) and downright embarrassing for him. He may feel that the best way to “get even” would be to ignore me. Or maybe he feels the tape’s too funny to turn over to the police, who knows? Maybe Tom’s letting Tammy bitch, although I still don’t think he should’ve given her the time of day, and his talking to her (she’s always liked Tom) will be enough to get her and Bill off my ass, but I’ll never assume anything’s over till it’s been over for at least a year or even longer. Remember, the people back east are just as stubborn and determined as the freeloaders. They’re very vindictive, spiteful, lying, I’m-gonna-get-you kinds of people. They don’t know when to give up and drop things. They just don’t know how to move on. It’s even hard for me to move on at times too, when someone’s fucked me over as much as they have. That’s why I sent more mail than I planned on and should have. You just want to keep punching and kicking and lashing out at assholes like that at the same time you want to ignore them and never associate with them again. Well, rest assured, I don’t want to know they exist.

Later…

Just when I was thinking my stomach built up a tolerance to dairy (I had a chocolate shake with my chicken strips) I have major gas and even some nausea. I thought I was gonna puke for a minute there. I took some Rolaids and a piece of bread to help act as a sponge and absorb the gas and now I’m feeling a little better.

Nowadays, over-the-counter water pills really do work, so it’s nice to know I can take that without having to worry about having to have a banana or orange juice to supplement the potassium loss when I get watery.

Tom set things up so I could easily use my scanner with that new picture program he loaded up for me. I’ve decided to scan the signs from an old sign language book I’ve had since I was 19. I think it’d be neat to have a file folder of signs, but I’ll also print them out and bind them with my spiral bookbinder thing.

MONDAY, AUGUST 14, 2000 Sex was the usual boring, predictable Sunday sex, but don’t dare tell my husband I said so or else he’ll be quick to change things for the better, that’s how much he loves to please his wife. Ha! Dropping the sarcastic touch, you know it’s actually just the opposite; if I complain, that’s all the more he’ll keep it up. He’s stubbornly determined to keep me turned off in bed and “be himself.” It’s no wonder I’m never horny anymore, and when I am, I’d just assume to take care of it quickly myself.

This time we were without power for 3 ½ hours due to last night’s storm. The power didn’t come back till just after 11:00. It started with lots of wind, then the thunder and lightning came. Just when we thought we weren’t going to get any rain, down it came. It even haled for a few minutes, and damn was it loud hitting the skylight! Sounded like it was gonna come right through, but Tom reminded me that the skylight’s Plexiglas and not glass, which is much stronger. That’s what they have in psych wards. Again, the thunder was super loud, sounding like gunshots.

Once the storm passed through and calm settled upon the land, a bad feeling came over me. What better time to blast your car stereo and get all the more people’s attention than when there’s a power outage, preventing people from drowning you out with ACs, fans, or music of their own? It was a boom car stereo lover’s ultimate situation to take advantage of, and sure enough, for 10-20 minutes (I got so fed up after 5 minutes that I stuck a foam earplug in my good ear) some desperado seized the golden opportunity it saw, jumped into its car, and thumped its annoying bass all through the place. And it kept turning the volume up and down and on and off. That’s a popular thing with these sick fucks. I never could figure that one out, the up, down, on and off thing. My guess is that it’s a tease. They turn it down making people think – Yeah! They’re finally gonna shut up and let us live in peace for a while – only to be fooled when they blast it off again. It was definitely coming from the back of the house and was definitely anywhere from 5-20 miles away. Once again, it’s pretty sad to have to hear other people’s music inside your house in the middle of a 10-acre ranch. Also again, these are no gentle, subtle-sounding things. It’s a deep, penetrating sound that’s totally nerve-racking. The annoying, grating sound of a chainsaw would be preferable. This world is sick! I mean, there’s nothing more frustrating and stressful than not being able to ignore civilization in the privacy and sanctity of your own home. I wish this world would just shut up and leave me the fuck alone!!!

Despite life’s bullshit and the people that cause it, I do love it here, I love this house, and I hope we can always live here. We just need to build walls!

For the second day in a row, Houdini came out and played in the morning. He did his usual thing – ran around, chewed carpet, jumped in the aquarium that sits on the floor by the cage and played with my hair by tangling himself up in it and taking it in his mouth and pulling on it and shaking it like a dog shakes a rag. My hair’s gonna be as dead as it was before I cut it if he keeps it up.

I’m up to 117 pounds and I’m pretty sure it’s water. Yes, my sore tits and I should be getting a flow any day now. I’ve been spotting on and off for two weeks. What else is new? Every other period is so erratic.

Later…

Jesus fucking Christ! It’s just like I predicted. Exactly like I predicted. I predicted that every 6 months to a year would get worse and worse. Or, I should say louder and louder. As is the case 8 out of 10 times, I’m correct. When we first came here we were hearing music every 2-4 weeks, but now it’s 2-4 times a week! I just heard a boom car stereo for about 10 minutes, and this time I think it was coming from the front of the house. What is this world coming to? Especially when the more remote areas get noisy? Here I was thinking the other day how it’s quiet out here 99% of the time. Yeah, well, now we’re down to 98% or even 97% of the time and I know I can expect that slow decline to continue. I thought, especially cuz it’s hotter out here, that it’d be quieter during the summers, but no way. The winter was definitely quieter, even with Dan and his music and engines. Imagine how this winter will be! Besides, even if there were only half a dozen households owning bassy car stereos in Maricopa, God would make sure to put them close enough to our house so I could hear them, and the shitty thing about being psychic is that it has nothing to do with altering fate. Just because I sense something, doesn’t usually mean I can change it. And it’s always the bad things I vibe, too. Never the good. And when I do vibe something good, I tend to be wrong much more often than when I vibe something bad. Or sometimes, I don’t have a bad feeling and I ignore my logic and end up being taken by surprise. When the cops came out here last month, I thought right away it was either cuz of people back east or cuz somebody did something to the blacks and Mexicans and they were blaming me. It shocked the shit out of me to find out that last January’s shit with them was far from over, yet my logic told me the day I left the Phoenix PD not to believe a thing a pig says, because even if that pig isn’t lying, someone else in some other department of the PD/courts, may very well have entirely different plans for you. And I should never trust God. I should’ve gone by past experiences and patterns and kept it in mind that I can’t get away with shit, and being woken up and dragged to the piggy department would never be enough of a punishment in the eyes of God.

Later…

Us and our fucking toilets! We’re almost as cursed with those as we are with other things. Or as I am. Meaning, he’s not necessarily cursed to the degree I am and with the same things. The music doesn’t bother him as much as it does me, and I can’t say he’s cursed sexually when the sex is made to his order. I’m the only one who doesn’t enjoy sex. Anyway, the second bath’s toilet is leaking. I tried to fix it, but I can’t figure out how to. I know he knows how to deal with it, though, so he can do that when he gets home.

Maybe I was bogged down more in shit than water. I already dropped a pound. I shit 3 times and I’ve only been up 7 hours. Yeah, another power failure woke me up at 6:00, two hours before I planned on getting up. I’ve been woken up more here than in the last couple of years in Phoenix! Yeah, that’s what I get for going against God and taking measures to try to improve that. Anyway, the power was off for nearly an hour, but not cuz another storm rolled in. I don’t know why. Maybe the stupid idiots were working on something, and as is always the case when the electricity goes out, the phone went out, too. Tom left the cell phone here. I guess he figured there could be problems. You know the slightest change in sound wakes me up. Well, I was awake even before the fan I always sleep with fully stopped. Anyway, by mid-September, or even sooner, these electrical storms should be over. They’re cool, but they’re a nuisance.

I left Paul a message as he told me to. His answering service picked up and they let me leave him a message. I gave him my number, asking that he call me back. I’ll try again around 4:00, and that’s it. I’ll have done my part and then he either calls me or he doesn’t.

I noticed the sparkler effect wasn’t working, but the blinker and other effects were. I think I’ll go back to highlighting after today. It’s easier and more reliable, so it seems.

Later…

Unfuckingbelievable! Now we’re up to multiple times a day and now we have yet another boom car stereo in the area. A dark red car I don’t think I’ve seen before just went banging down Meadow Green. Saw the pickup too, but it was still quiet. Before a year or two’s out, I guarantee we’ll be hearing this shit 2 or 3 times a day, every day. I’ll bet my dolls on it.

Speaking of dolls, I decided to quit collecting, and not get much of the other things I wanted, like murals, water lamps, etc. It’s not that I’m sick of dolls or that I want to quit collecting, but it’s the best thing to do cuz dolls aren’t cheap. Besides, we’ll never be rich enough for me to have all the dolls I want, anyway. After thinking about it, I decided it’s best that we save our money, get caught up, and stay that way without spending money we don’t have to spend. Too many expenses pop up in life – blown tires, broken this, broken that, bail bonds, etc.

Later…

Both our modems are shot cuz they got hit by lightning. Thanks, God. Just what we need – another broken thing. And I just burned myself on the oven, and let me guess, God’s gonna sic a boom car stereo on me any sec, right?

Also, more of those effects quit working on me, so I said – fine, I’ll just highlight as I usually do.

Got a couple of iguana shots today from the bedroom window. I got a shot of a big one that was about 6’ from the window, and of a medium-sized one that was right outside it. In fact, if we had a better camera and no screens, I would’ve gotten a great shot. The problem with shooting through the screen, though, is that it focuses on the screen and whatever’s behind it is one big blur.

At least Paul called. He called at 4:00 while I had the tunes cranked up in one room so Tom had to come and get me. I didn’t want to blast off before he got in and chance missing his call. He sounded very nice, saying he only got through half the police report so far cuz he’s tied up with trials, which he has tomorrow, but he does want to talk to me within the next few days, so hang in there till he calls me back. He thanked me and I thanked him and that was that.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 13, 2000 Tom put a piece of black foam inside the air vent that’s over the bedroom doorway to help block out light. I can’t believe the stupid Mexicans even put a vent there. You just don’t need it as large as the gap is under the doors.

He also took apart the faucet in his bath to clean the sand out of it. For the longest time, he had nothing but a little trickle of water coming out of that faucet.

We also both got to see a snake yesterday. A prairie dog was chasing it and we figured that if it was harmless to a prairie dog, then it was harmless to us. This one was nicer looking than the black one. It had light and dark markings, sort of striped-like, but again, it wasn’t a rattler. We think this one, and the black one, are king snakes. Those eat rattlers and are good to have around. It was in the wash when we got out to it with the camera and wasn’t coiled to strike. Just like with the black snake, its tail was a skinny, rattleless point. I got a picture of it, but it didn’t come out well. Its colors match the earth tones so well that it’s hard to see, and I was too far away. Next time I need to get up to within 2-3 feet of it, but by the time I did that, it’d be scared off. I didn’t even have the chance to get closer to it yesterday cuz we scared it into its hole. I could tell it knew that hole was there and that it had been there before. It definitely lives there. It moved differently than the black snake. This one moved with smooth, steady movements. It was almost graceful as if the hole itself sucked it into it. Tom brought up a good question – how does it turn around inside the hole since the hole was just big enough for its body to fit through? Maybe the hole loops around or gets wider at some point.

Later…

How stupid of me! I put a potato in the oven, set the timer, but never set the temp. So, now I have to wait for another hour.

I didn’t take any Theo yesterday and I slept fine. I’m doing one last experiment. I took the Theo when I got up today. If it keeps me up tonight, then it has to go for good. I gave the Albuterol another try, too. It seemed to help relax my lungs, along with the Theo, so we’ll see.

Tom loaded up the snake picture on his computer, opened a photo enhancer program, and improved what he could to bring it out. I noticed it was a really cool program. It really sharpens and brightens pictures up well, so I had him load it on my computer.

After we saw the snake yesterday we called Mary and told her about it. She said she’d never go looking for a snake and you could tell she’d be afraid to live out here.

Tom and I watched a new movie about a haunted house. It was a good movie without the typical ingredients. There was no sex, pregnancy or childbirth.

I saw the red pickup late in the afternoon yesterday, but the stereo is still broken. They’d probably just gotten up. Freeloaders are pretty nocturnal for the most part. I don’t think I’ve seen them before 3:00.

I got to hear the blaster that visits nearby for a couple of minutes last night at 11:30, and this time I’m pretty sure it was next door and not from somewhere straight ahead. I could also hear a dog barking and I know they have a dog. The dog was hard to hear, but I could easily make out the bass beat in my office over the AC, but if I’d had the loud box fan on, I wouldn’t have heard it. Due to the fact that I don’t hear this daily, it had to be a visitor. Remember, the parents of the kid next door are kids themselves. They can’t be more than 20-25. At that age, they’d want to leave the boy with the daughter’s mom and go out at times with friends or at least have friends visit, preferably after they went to bed. I had asked Tom if he thought they’d mind blasters and he said he thought they would. Well, obviously he was wrong, but then again, granny probably was ticked off, saying, “How dare you let your rude friends wake me and your kid up!” but you know you can’t tell a music blaster to turn their stereo down.

It’s so wrong. So very wrong. No one should have to hear a stereo from inside their house that’s at least 400’ away. In a way, I wish we could go back to the 70s, or even the 80s before these things were made. Then again, if they hadn’t been created, they’d just create something else to get society’s attention. Everyone wants to be on stage and stand out. We don’t live in a shy world. It’s scary to think what they’re gonna have in another 10-20 years. Sooner or later we’ll be able to hear the blasters at the old place all the way out here. Not that all white people are quiet, but Arizona would be a much quieter state to live in if the off-brands didn’t exist! They're mostly the ones that do shit like this. They know they’re the underdogs of society so they feel that that’s all the more reason to make a scene to get acknowledgment. I wish this was an affluent town! I’d rather live with a bunch of white snobs, cuz at least they keep their shit to themselves. They keep their music and their business to themselves and out of other people’s houses.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 12, 2000 For the first time since having satellite TV, Tom’s playing one of the music stations. I thought he’d pick jazz or some crap like that, but he surprised me by picking classic rock. Most of this shit isn’t any better, but I can live with it.

Just for fun, I started a lesbian love story for the first time in quite a while. Boy, has my writing improved since I last wrote this stuff! I look forward to working some more on it. If only I could look as forward to writing ghost stories and mysteries!

It never did storm yesterday, although it was cloudy and windy. All we got was some lightning. No thunder or rain. It’s wicked overcast today, though, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it stormed tonight. I just hope it doesn’t fuck up my schedule. I don’t have to see Mel for 10 days, but Paul could ask me to come into his office Tuesday at 9:00 in the morning for all I know. I want to be ready, able and available to have to leave early to play freeloaders as soon as I’m made to.

The Theo has to go. I got up at 9:30 yesterday and by 1:00 AM, I was still wide awake even with a full dose of Melatonin. Again I had to Benadryl it to sleep. Not only is the Theo causing sleeplessness, but it’s worthless. I knew I was wasting time and money by going to the doctor. It’s still too soon to judge the allergy medication, but I’m sure it’ll be just as useless. Back when I was on the Theo, I didn’t have a life and it didn’t matter that it caused sleeplessness. Also, my lungs were different back then. Back then I was a wheezing smoker, so the stuff was more helpful to me then.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 11, 2000 I got up at 9:30, ate, changed the animal cages, showered, sang, and now I’ve got nothing to do for the rest of the day. The house is clean enough and there’s nothing on TV that interests me. Nothing but pregnancy, childbirth, and infertility shit on the channels I usually watch, and you know I’m sick to death of that shit.

Right now my wallpaper directory is set on my land file. A picture of the land we took when we first came out here came up and something different about it struck me. I looked outside, then back to the picture, and I realized that now there were fewer of those wheat-colored weeds we hated to deal with in Phoenix. Then I remembered that during the summer there are fewer of them. The heat burns them away.

Most of the trenches the well rig made have been filled in as Tom used them to dig garbage holes. He’d dig a hole from trench to trench, bury trash, then fill it in evenly. However, a few of the trenches Gravity’s tractor made out front were never filled in. It’s a good thing too, cuz the rabbits and other animals love them. That’s because rainwater pooled in them and now there’s thick green grass in them that’s several inches tall. It looks pretty cool, having these streaks of grass out there. I dug a little trench around Scuttle’s grave and poured water on it so he can have grass growing around his grave. It may storm soon enough, too. It’s been really cloudy out.

As I said before, I’m not taking the Albuterol. Haven’t had to use the Allegra yet, and it’s too soon to say if the Vancenase is doing any good. If the Theo’s helping, it’s in a very subtle way. I had a hard time falling asleep again last night with the Melatonin alone and had to take a Benadryl. It may have been because I forgot to take the Theo earlier. Mid-days are better for me than towards the end of the day. Today I took it at 2:00 instead of 5:30.

[suqqubus]

bortion story!!! dont read if u dont like medical stuff

took mifepristone two days ago, got some cramps/nausea overnight and felt kinda gross and tired when i woke up

took four misoprostol yesterday and within like 10 minutes i started feeling cramps and nausea. 20 mins in, cramps started getting worse and worse, i ran to the bathroom and couldnt keep my puke in on the way and just. vommed all over the floor

couldnt keep down water, kept puking it up. took like 1200mg ibuprofen (unheard of for me) and my cramps were still so bad i couldnt think/move. after enduring this for like 2 hours i called my sister and asked her to take me to the ER lol

ive had really bad periods before (i've had convulsions & passed out from pain lol) and this was that level of pain, but that always starts to subside eventually, this just kept going on and on and on with no relief.

i hadn't even started bleeding yet, just had crazy cramps/nausea, until i got to the ER when i started bleeding like crazy. and all i had was my period underwear and i knew i was just gonna bleed through that shit lol

so we wait like 2ish hours in the ER, im in the most pain ive ever been in my entire life, pacing around/curling up on the seats lookin fuckin insane bc i could not find any relief from the pain. they asked me to give a urine sample and i could NOT pee AT ALL due to dehydration!!! also when the nurse asked for my medical info i puked, it was truly so embarrassing

started getting the most insane chills that i literally couldnt control, got my blood drawn and then got an ultrasound. when i went to take off my shorts for the transvaginal part i bled all over the floor and i was like omggg im so sorry 😭

the whole time shes doing the ultrasound im shaking soooo bad from the chills and bleeding like a pig and the nurse was like "im going to see if they can get you a bed right away" prob bc i was so PATHETIC

once i got in the ER bed the pain was subsiding, i must have passed the embryo by that point bc when the doctor saw me he said that there was no baby in the ultrasound and it all looked clear, and i was like FUCKIN PHEWWWW

so they give me an IV and pain meds (i really couldve used stronger stuff tbh bc i still felt quite a bit of cramping for a while lol) and i just laid there breathing through everything and feeling so so so grateful that the worst pain was over

anyway i bled through my absorbent underwear and shorts and the hospital bed looked like someone fuckin died there when i got up and i had to sit on a bag in my sisters car lmao

but anyway i woke up today feeling soooo good, like the most energy i've had in forever and so motivated to get stuff done. im still bleeding a lot (i use a menstrual cup and filled it 3 times from the time i went to bed to when i woke up 🙃) but wow wow wow just feel so good today its crazy

all in all i think if i had prescription strength pain meds at home i would've probably been ok, but i cannot stress how little the ibuprofen did to help my pain lol

also idk if i needed to take four misoprostol??? i truly think i wouldve been ok w 2 because i felt the effects sooo soon after taking it (it was still dissolving under my tongue when i puked) and im notorious for not needing as high a dose of drugs as other people lol