#I diagnose everyone in the Pop music club in love with your best friend disorder

[yetanotherexhaustedalchemist]

Related to last post. this is simply what canon is to me.

[katerina-rose]

( Demi Lovato, 25, cisfemale, she/her ) KATERINA MARQUEZ! we’re so happy you’re here. you’ve been her for ALL HER LIFE, working as a SINGER/INFLUENCER, right? yeah, everyone’s already told us all about you. they said your very OUTGOING, COMPASSIONATE, and FIERCE. which we think is just awesome. of course they told us that you remind them of FIREWORKS EXPLODING OVER A BLUE FLAME, OCTOBER UNDER A FULL MOON WITH LEAVES BRUSHING PAST, ALICE FALLING DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO THE RABBIT HOLE and GASOLINE by HALSEY. so we feel like we already know you so well. we can’t wait to get to know you better. ( mimi, 23, est, she/her )

OOC

Triggers: N/a 

Banned Plots: N/a (Just weary on any kid related plots)

BIOGRAPHY

Tw: Mental Health, Suicide Attempt, Bullying, Hospitalization, Self-harm/Addiction

Katerina’s life has always been a chaotic roller coaster ride that she can’t stop. When she was little; her parents were in a heated custody battle for her. Eventually, the courts gave her over to her mom. The problem was that her mom wasn’t the best fit for being a parent. Her mom suffered from undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder which caused chaos in the household. Her mom couldn’t keep a job and had to constantly move around with Katerina. 

As Katerina was growing up she was shy, very polite, and well mannered. However, she couldn’t seem to make any friends growing up and that led to severe bullying. This came in the form of physical, cyber, verbal attacks. They had once cornered her and and forced her to rub poison ivy all over herself. Which she had to be hospitalize twice for because she is severely allergic to it.  

The Marquez mental health problems trickled down to Kat. A lot was situational stress that led to her mental breakdowns, but it was also genetics. Kat was placed in therapy. It gradually got more and more restrictive as her mental health continued to decline. Kat had began to self-harm to the point she viewed as an addiction. To the point she had to be taken out of school and be in intensive out patient for the remainder of her middle school years and into high school. During that time she had to be hospitalized due to suicide attempts. 

Finally, Katerina was able to move out of the school district and into another school. Where she was able to start over. Kat could formulate friendships but she couldn’t keep them. She tried to have a normal high school life but it was hard with how strict her parents got with worry. When it came time for college, she wasn’t allowed to leave Denver. Instead, she went to a school she hated and for a major she liked but not her passion. 

Kat was a Psychology major. During that time she began to build her confidence up. It’s also around the time she discovered music. She had joined the music club at her school and developed a passion for it. She always loved to sing, but it was the first time she can cultivate the environment into something she loved. It took her a long time to graduate. Kat isn’t dumb, but she never cared about school. She didn’t understand the importance of homework, or constantly showing up to gym class. However, by some miracle she was never held back and graduated college. 

Somewhere along the lines she began to market herself on social media. Mostly as a YouTuber and Instagram influencer. She used the platform to showcase her unique style, makeup, music, mental health awareness, and whatever else she saw fit. She makes a considerable amount of money as an influencer. While her music is still budding she has a few songs on Spotify. 

HEADCANONS

Tw: Self-harm, Controversial Medical approaches, Side-Effects from prolonged prescribed medication

Katerina is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Just like her mom she was misdiagnosed for a long time as Major Depressive Disorder with NSSI 

Kat viewed her self-harm as an addiction, and still does. She actively avoids any visual, literature, music, revolving self-harm. She has gone to Addiction Treatment in the past. 

Katerina is not taking any prescribed medication. She smokes weed as a form of medication. (OOC: I would like to classify this as “California Sober” but because I’m not well educated in that community. I don’t want to do more harm by misusing the saying) 

The reason she stopped taking prescribed medication was because of the side effects. Katerina’s hands will shake because of long-term use of an anti-depressant. She also contributes her thinning hair to the medication as well. 

Katerina is in a pop-punk band. She’s frontwoman and takes a lot her theatrical elements on stage. She tries to tell a story through her songs and performance. 

Instrument wise she can play drums. Every other instrument is basic level at best.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

Band Members

Roommate

Enemies

Enemies to Friends: Off the top of my head I thought it would be cool if there was a redemption arc between a former bully and Kat

People from her therapy/addiction sessions: While I don’t have her actively going to therapy. I’m willing to have her go back if it would help satisfy this connection better. 

[social-anxiety-community-blog]

INTERVIEW WITH J.

First Name: J.

Age: 25

From: Raleigh, NC

I hope you all enjoy this interview segment. I will be posting interviews each week from fellow blog followers. I believe it’s important to share our stories to help us feel less alone. My goal is that in reading these stories you will think “hey, me too!” and know that there really are people out there who are also struggling with social anxiety, we are not alone in this. If you would like to be part of these interviews please send me a private message to let me know and I will then message you the questions and how to send back your answers. Thank you J and to all those who have reached out wanting to be part of this. 

At what age did you start to notice social anxiety symptoms? This is hard for me to answer because I feel like I’ve had the symptoms as long as I can remember. For example, I remember being in school and every time I got called on, my face would turn bright red. Then my classmates would point it out and surprise, that made me even more embarrassed. I was always super shy and just thought it was part of my personality. But as I got older, my friend group got smaller and smaller, and it was harder for me to make new friends. My senior year of high school was when I knew there was something more than just shyness and that’s when I was diagnosed with depression as well. I had a couple friends but I mostly isolated myself and I would purposely not do all of my homework so I could go to the library instead of going to eat lunch with everyone else. It started becoming exhausting being around other people so it was easier for me to just cut myself off from everyone.

Do you know which specific situation(s) trigger your anxiety the most? Basically every social situation causes me to have anxiety, and I never feel completely at ease unless I’m with my parents, brother, sister, or boyfriend. But what causes me the most anxiety is any interaction with an authority figure like bosses, managers, teachers, cops, etc. Job interviews are the worst for me and also give me a lot of anxiety.

Have you been formally diagnosed with social anxiety by  a health professional? I haven’t, actually. I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder when I was 17 or 18. I have a degree in psychology and so when I started taking a lot of psych classes, I started learning about all of the different disorders. I read about generalized anxiety disorder and thought that it kind of sounded like me, but not really. Then I read about social anxiety disorder (I had never heard of it before) and it described me 100%. It was as if someone got inside my head and wrote down everything that I’ve experienced. I know without a doubt that I have social anxiety disorder.

Are you currently in treatment for social anxiety? If so, tell us more about the treatment process you are currently doing. I’m not currently in treatment but I plan on starting one soon. There is an online program that I’ve tried to do before but I have a hard time making myself do it every day, but I think it could be helpful if I kept up with it every day. It’s from the Social Anxiety Institute. Starting when I was 18, I was put on about 10 different antidepressants and I want to take this opportunity to warn you guys about them. I know that they’ve helped a lot of people but they can cause a lot of harm too. And I learned in my psych classes that antidepressants don’t even help with social anxiety anyway. I was put on Cymbalta and it was horrible, it took me years to get off of because the withdrawals were so bad. I’ve been off of them for almost two years now and I still don’t feel normal at all. I honestly feel like I lost years of my life to this drug. Again I’m not saying that all antidepressants are bad because 8 out of the 10 that I tried didn’t affect me badly (but none of them helped with the depression and anxiety), but if you do want to try them, please please do your research before and look up all of the side effects and withdrawal effects. My doctor didn’t tell me anything and didn’t warn me of any side effects.

If you are not currently in treatment, what is preventing you from seeking help? I’ve tried different therapists in the past and I always get too anxious during the sessions to feel comfortable and I’ve had a hard time finding the right therapist. Right now my insurance is bad and it doesn’t cover me going to see a therapist anyway.

Does anyone in your family or friends know you experience social anxiety symptoms? Just my parents, brother, sister, and my boyfriend. I told my best friend (at the time) maybe 3 years ago and she stopped talking to me so I don’t like to tell people anymore.

Do you know anyone else who has social anxiety? No, I don’t. I’m trying to join a social anxiety group where I live so we’ll see how that goes. I would like to meet other people with social anxiety because I feel like we could help each other. And I feel like I would be more comfortable because I wouldn’t feel like I need to hide the fact that I have social anxiety.

What is the one thing social anxiety is keeping you from doing? Just living my life in general. In high school, I kept mostly to myself except for a few friends. In college I didn’t make any meaningful friendships, join any clubs, or just do anything except homework and study because I was too anxious. Now I don’t have any friends and I’m still working at a grocery store because I’m too anxious to try anything else. I start panicking when I look for jobs online and can’t even get through a few pages before I start freaking out and crying because I feel like I’m too anxious to start something new. So it’s keeping me from living my life, basically. One thing specifically though, is that it’s keeping me from going to grad school. Before I thought that I wanted to become a therapist or something along those lines because I thought that since I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety, I could help others. But now I don’t even know if I could make it through grad school, and how am I going to help others with their depression and anxiety when I can barely manage my own?

If you did not have social anxiety, what would you want to do that you can’t right now because of it? Again, everything. I would have friends, I would have done better in college and I would probably have a much better job because of it. I would most likely be in grad school right now. I know this is a negative way of thinking but I can’t help but feel so defeated.

What is your favorite food? Anything sweet! I have a major sweet tooth and love candy, chocolate, etc.

What is your favorite band or song at the moment? Oh this is hard. I don’t really have a favorite band or song because there are a lot of genres that I listen to (classic rock, hip hop, pop, music in Spanish, etc) and I like each genre for different reasons so it’s really hard for me to pick just one. But someone I’ve been listening to a lot lately is Shakira because I’m going to her concert in February and I’m super excited! Some of my favorites of hers right now are La Bicicleta, Me Enamore, and Estoy Aqui.

What are you passionate about? I know this might sound weird but I don’t really feel passionate about anything except music, I guess. I don’t know if this is due to depression but I feel like ever since I started dealing with depression, I don’t really enjoy things as much. Like I have things that I like doing, but I’m not super passionate about them if that makes sense. I feel like if someone is super passionate about something, they take time to do it every day or at least often. The only thing I do this with is music, I have to listen to it every day. But a few things that I like to do are playing guitar, photography, playing video games, things like that. But lately I don’t have the energy to do some of these things.

Share a favorite memory of a time before you had social anxiety. I feel like I’ve had it most of my life so I’m just going to share a favorite memory that I have despite my social anxiety. One of my favorite memories is the day that I graduated from college. I know it might not seem like a big deal and everyone is graduating from college but for me it was. I was dealing with so much mentally and it was hard for me to go to class every day because of how anxious I was. But I made it through anyway and I was proud of myself.

How did you learn about the Social Anxiety Community blog on Tumblr? I searched for blogs about social anxiety.