#I despise dabb more though

[justanearth-boundmisfit]

destielette1: replied to your post are we finding it ironic that Sara gamble has now...

@flyingcatstiel @justanearth-boundmisfit we were just talking about “realism” in fiction destielette1.tumblr.com… Why would I want to escape a dark a sad world to a fictional universe aven more sad and dark? I hate bad ending , one must be really masochist to love tragic endings

I don’t like tragic endings either, I totally prefer a happy one, because fiction is supposed to distract me for the pain and hurt the real life gets me. But I get the “dark side” of some shows, really I do, otherwise I wouldn’t be watching got, a show that kills main characters since season 1 and that, for sure, it’s going to be a bloodbath in its final season. I have watched shows that are truly painful, sad and heartbreaking, but I always felt that the story was really well constructed and that the final decision to, for example, kill a character, an important one at that, was really an addition to an excellent well written story, an end to a journey that was really well told or in the case of got with Ned’s death, a kick start to the whole conflict that came later.

BUT... when you give your audiences a death just for shock value, or when you repeat that story over and over again, like it’s the case of spn, because you’re out of ideas and you already know that works with a public that it’s used to that kind of trick... I call bullshit. I also call bullshit even more, when the one character you’re killing is part of an important ship (canon or fanon) and more so, if the ship is lgbt+, because it means that “bury your gays” is alive and doing well in a time when television writers should know better. 

It the case of The Magicians, and good old Gamble, she has kept the same tricks under her sleeve it seems, since her time on spn. She just doesn’t know how to deal with an actor’s exit without killing them. And she knows pretty well, according to the interviews I have read, what they were doing to their audience and to a ship that was really important to so many people. Again she played, she promised, and in the end she delivered a low blow. Not to say that the only culprit is Sera, the other show runners, the writers, and the writer of the books that gave the go ahead are all at fault too. But Sera holds a special place in my memories, the bad ones, as she did this before to Castiel and Misha, so that’s why I’m concentrated on her. 

TL;DR: tv shows can be dark, depressive, utterly realistic, and full of things that are going to bring us down. What matters is how that story is presented, developed and why the final destination is death. When you’re a show runner that can’t seem to give your mlm ships (twice in your career) nothing but a horrible, tragic ending just for shock value, you’re telling your audiences that they are not that important, and that for some reason lgbt+ ships need to keep having tragic endings. In an age when representation is key, that is incredible harmful and we should stop it.

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

So, thing is.... I have not watched the episode. I just was spoilered on the explore page on youtube when looking up news and there it was. Thank you so much algorithm for ruining the only episode in 4 years that I actually would have liked to watch unspoilered. That’s off the table now of course…. That said. I will watch it later in full. So take all of this with a shitton of salt, because my opinion is basically based only on Dean’s death scene and Sam’s life montage and the ending in Heaven of them meeting again without any in between so I might miss some vital infos – and yeah maybe I should have waited to post after I have seen the full episode first, then again, it doesn’t really matter, my opinion doesn’t matter, as I have not been involved with fandom or tumblr in ages, but maybe my impression can help someone somewhere to feel a bit better about this ending.

So, with that said. And I guess this will be a surprise to most people, these little ten minutes of episode to me delivered more emotion – though the hair and make up on Jared as Aging!Sam was just awful lol so I am ignoring all that – than all of the past 4 years combined.

Is the ending dissatisfying? I can see how people think that. I have to say, I look at it more objectively since I am not involved in fandom etc. anymore. But imo and I really would not have ever expected to say that about an episode written by Dabb. Imo this ending does make sense. I see a lot of posts going around saying that this ending doesn’t make sense, because of the season long arc of the death of the author and fight for free will and that it is the badly written ending Chuck would have penned. And I kind of think no, it isn’t. It’s just that many people treated the past seasons or watched them with rose coloured glasses.

I have expressed in a single post last week why I have issues with Dabb’s era and people’s appraisal of him, because they excused all the bad writing with that only having been „Chuck’s bad writing“ and therefore Dabb and Co were so extremely clever and amazing and soooooo meta. Which yeah, no Dabb was no genius and neither was a Berens. It was objectively bad and lazy writing. This ending however imo actually makes sense – and people only hate it because they did not get what they wanted. Did I get what I wanted from this ending? Not by a long shot – for one: Dean would have deserved more. Much could have been done better, but from the quality or rather extreme lack thereof since Dabb took over, this ending is more than I ever would have expected possible.

So let me get into the meat of it and why I think that way. I can see why it is frustrating to accept this ending, because it feels like all of what they went through was for nothing, because it was never „truly them“ - and I guess that was Jensen’s biggest issue with that ending – and that Dean dies so quickly after just having been free(d). You see, if you operate with the death of the author and celebrating that fact, because it means true free will for the Winchesters then this ending simply – as dissatisfying as it may feel for the character who just achieved freedom – is a fitting one and indeed does not negate character development made (which arguably was influenced by Chuck and never real), but rather showcases it.

Dean dieing on a hunt, in a mundane fashion, due to a rusty nail many say is a disgrace, because it should have been an epic fighting scene or whatever. Why though? We had that countless times. We know Dean is a skilled fighter. He did many Big bads in. Why would it need one more for the final episode? Especially when considering all those times before Chuck has been pulling the strings (this is much more why I think they never should have introduced God in that way and go this route, because that in fact destroys all of the past – which again is why I think Jensen struggled with the ending). Again, I understand people’s discomfort, but I actually think Dean dieing on a hunt, in a mundane fashion, due to a rusty nail is a „good“ (as good as it can get with Dabb & Co) ending. Why? Because it all was entirely Dean. No Chuck. No big story. It was Dean. It was Dean writing his own story. Holding the pen. And That is all I ever wanted (would I have wanted it for him to be able to do it longer, hell yes, but even getting Dean’s joy of being free just for one day imo is worth it and worth more than a lifetime as a puppet for a cruel God). Dean died while doing what he believed in, what he loved doing, with his brother by his side and them both on the same page and not butting heads, he was there out of his own free will, he was not supercharged by an special weapon and he was most of all not indestructable because he was a plaything of God. He died, because he was/is free. Because that is what happens when life happens. And life is tragic. That’s what this is. A tragic death. A tragic death of a wonderful human being. And that’s always what I loved dean for: his humanity and his flaws.

And I don’t see/read it as Dean only finding happiness or true free will in death, though I understand why you could read it that way, absolutely. But imo seeing it that way only cuts things short. Dean was able to let go, he was able to say goodbye to Sam (now his whole speech about him being weaker than Sam etc., that part was enraging and unnescessary, but for the sake of the much despised „bigger picture“ I will ignore it here, because that part I have big issues with). That means he did „overcome“ his „always be there for Sammy“ and giving himself up in the process of doing that (and again yes, that he was only to overcome this when dieing makes this part pretty problematic, very much so – but then again, I don’t expect well crafted story from Dabb, so…). Every single time before (when God was still in the picture) the Winchesters did something bad to undo „death“, etc. whether that was what they would have done if God was not in the picture is up for debate, but in any case here Sam and Dean met one another on eye level. Sam let Dean go and he lived with the grief (yeah, the irony of Dabb trying to replicate „Swan Song“ with roles reversed just in a spectacularly worse way is not lost on me, believe me), but he kept going, didn’t go to extremes to reverse it. He lived with it. Because that’s how life happens. Most of the time it’s not fair. And it’s not what we deserve. But we „carry on“. And we keep writing our story. However a tragic one it might be. But at least it’s ours. We are the paper. We are the pen. And not a bit of spilled ink in Death’s or God’s book. And I happen to think that is as good as it gets…

Alright, those are my two cents on an episode that I haven’t seen lol. I am sure once I see it, there will be a lot of things I will probably dislike about it, but just from the small but probably big bits of the episode, these are my two cents. Don’t get up in arms over it. I am not here to fight. Have never been. And I sure won’t start now that I probably will never log back into this account. :)

[zelenacat]

Chapter 4- When We Were Young- An Obitine Story

Slowly, Satine felt like her life was coming back together. As much as she missed Tyra, who’d she’d begun to write daily letters to, letters she would never send, the Duchess’ duties took up much of her time. Then, there was Korkie. He was the light of her life, always giggling and happy, his first word was “dabb” which is Mandalorian for up. Satine had laughed when he raised his arms and bounced on his toes. She loved her son, even if she couldn’t claim him as hers. The nanny they’d hired was very kind to Korkie, and Satine was grateful, as much as she was to Khaami and Fesma who’d helped her through so much. Soon, the Duchess was thin enough that she didn’t need to wear corsets or girdles to hide her weight, and she felt much freer than before.

However, this strange bliss didn’t last forever, because one day, while Satine was dressing, her comm went off. 

“Satine.” his voice was hurt and shocked, it was almost blasphemous to hear him this way.

“Obi?”

“Master Qui-Gon’s dead.”

Satine gaped, it had been a year since the man came to bring Tyra to the temple. God, she was grateful to him. 

“H-how?” she stuttered.

“A sith lord,” she could hear Obi-Wan’s voice quiver, “and now I have to train his new padawan.”

“What-”

“I’ll explain when I get there,” Obi-Wan stated, determined, “the council gave me a week off to recuperate.”

Satine wasn’t sure what to feel, “I can’t wait to see you, Ben.”

As soon as their call was over, Satine rang for Fesma and Khaami.

“Satine?”

“Tell the guards I’m having a visitor today,” Satine swallowed, “here is his ship number.”

Fesma raised an eyebrow, “His?”

“Please, Fesma,” tears pricked at Satine’s eyes, “just go.”

When Khaami arrived, breakfast tray in hand, the Duchess full-blown sobbing.

“Satine,” the lady set down the tray, “what’s wrong?”

“He’s coming,” the Duchess gasped, “just like he left me!”

“Satine-”

“I thought I was okay, Khaami,” Satine sniffled, “I thought I was better.”

Khaami knelt down, “Who?” 

“Their father.” Satine answered, shivering at the word.

The lady was silent for a moment, “When is he arriving?”

“He didn’t say.”

“Satine,” Khaami breathed, “look at me.”

The Duchess raised her head.

“You can do this, okay.”

“I can do this,” Satine repeated, breathing heavily, “I can do this.”

The Duchess hadn’t heard Fesma return until she asked, “What would you like to wear, Your Grace?”

Satine steeled herself, she would face this battle head on.

“A casual day dress with my house colors, no headdress.”

Fesma curtsied, “Yes, Your Grace.”

Khaami urged Satine to eat a little something, but the Duchess only managed a piece of butter-less toast.

“Satine-”

“I still love him, Khaami,” Satine confessed, ashamed of herself, “even after everything we’ve been through.”

“Then tell him that.” Khaami urged.

“I can’t,” Satine stood, “he could never be my consort, Mandalore’s peace is too fragile, there would be an uproar.”

Khaami looked as crestfallen as Satine felt, buut Fesma returned silently and helped her lady dress.

“I don’t want him to see Korkie,” the Duchess added, “he looks so much like him, he’d know immediately.”

“I’ll make sure Korkie takes his walk in the south garden today, Satine.” Fesma stated.

“Thank you.”

Satine spent twenty minutes pacing the landing platform before a ship arrived. It was clean cut and gleaned in the sunlight, Obi-Wan did not. His ginger hair was plastered to his head at strange angles, his skin was sullen and bruised, but his eyes hurt her the most. Those crystal orbs that could see into her soul were sunken and red-rimmed.

“Oh, Obi-”

Shaking slightly, Obi-Wan returned Satine’s embrace. It was a friendly hug, with Obi-Wan only lightly touching her after a hesitant moment.

“Please come inside,” the Duchess gestured when they separated, “we’ll have some tea.”

Satine remembered how Obi-Wan loved green tea, so when she guided him to her personal parlor, only after listening hard for Korkie’s wails and finding none, she told Fesma to fetch some green tea.

“Or whatever you have is fine,” Obi-Wan’s voice quivered, “I wouldn’t want to impose.”

Fesma’s eyebrows almost flew off her head.

“Green tea.” Satine repeated.

The lady curtsied, “Yes, Your Grace.”

“Khaami,” Satine turned, “please bring some tea snacks.”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

As Khaami left, Satine took Obi-Wan’s hands in hers, surprised at first that he tried to pull away.

“Obi, it’s just me,” Satine said soothingly, “you know I could never hurt you.”

“That’s not it.” Obi-Wan frowned.

Satine tried to read him, but found she couldn’t. Curse her Jedi and his skill at hiding his emotions!

“Then what is.” she asked, trying to keep her voice even.

“I lost someone I loved,” Obi-Wan paused, “I mean, someone who I cared for deeply, and I can’t let that happen again.”

“It won’t,” Satine promised earnestly, “it won’t.”

“But how do you know that?” Obi-Wan begged.

“Because,” Satine swallowed, “if you still care for me, no one knows about that.”

“Not even your ladies?” asked the Jedi.

“Not the whole story, no,” Satine shook her head and smiled sadly, “there are some memories of you I just want for myself.”

The corners of Obi-Wan’s mouth twitched. The door creaked open.

“Tea and cakes, Your Grace.”

“Thank you,” Satine nodded at both her ladies, “I’ll ring for you later.”

Curtsying, Fesma and Khaami left.

“Satine, I-”

The Duchess turned.

“I don’t know what to say.” Satine’s features clouded with worry, “What do you mean?”

“Master Qui-Gon’s gone.”

“You need time to mourn,” Satine tenderly caressed Obi-Wan’s cheek like she had when he took a shot for her on Draboon, “I’ll have a room set up for you in the guest hall, you can stay as long as you like.”

“I have a week, Satine,” Obi-Wan sighed, “one week.”

The first three days of his visit, Obi-Wan kept mostly to himself. He ate in his room, he meditated in his room, and Satine hoped he slept in there, but she wasn’t so sure. The fourth evening, after Satine had a full day of ruling Mandalore, Khaami and Fesma were helping Satine into her nightdress.

“He seems so moody.”

“He’s grieving,” Satine answered, leveling Fesma a look, “this is very hard for him.”

Nodding, Fesma threw Satine’s clothes down the laundry chute.

“Hey, you!”

Satine turned.

“What is your purpose?”

Running to the door and yanking it open, Satine startled the two guards at her door, but she looked past them, to Obi-Wan.

“Ah, there you are,” Satine smiled, “I was expecting you.”

The guards were more than surprised. 

“Fesma,” Satine ordered without turning around, “fetch some tea for Obi-Wan and myself.”

Khaami followed obediently after Fesma, who squeezed around Satine and through the guards.

Satine forced a smile, “Come to my parlor, Obi-Wan, we have much to discuss.”

Obi-Wan practically ran through the door, and Satine slammed the door behind him shut so hard she swore one of the guards cursed. Still, the Duchess took Obi-Wan by the hand and led him into her parlor. She sat on the couch, he sat next to her. 

“I want to say-”

“Before I start-”

Satine closed her mouth and blushed, they hadn’t been this awkward since the beginning of their physical attraction.

Obi-Wan sighed, “I despised leaving you.”

“Despised it?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan met Satine’s eyes for the first time in a long time, “and I really want to spend time with you again, but-”

“But?” Satine asked tentatively.

Obi-Wan’s cheeks burned, he was ashamed, “I don’t want to get hurt again.”

Satine sighed, “Oh, Ben-”

“It’s okay if you want to protect yourself too,” the Jedi lowered his eyes, “I can leave tonight and never come back.”

Satine scoffed, tears welled in her eyes, “Do you really think our love was that fickle?”

“No, Satine, I-”

“Obi,” Satine crossed her arms, “this will hurt just as bad as last time, but I’ll be damned if I throw away a chance to be with you.”

“Satine-”

Quickly, before she regretted it, Satine threw herself onto Obi-Wan, caching his head just before it hit the arm rest.

“Don’t back away from me, Ben,” she said, lowering herself onto his chest, “that would hurt me more.”

Satine felt Obi-Wan wrap his arms firmly around her waist, “Then I won’t.”

They stayed like that for a while, until a knock gently rapped against the door. The couple looked at each other, and begrudgingly separated.

“Come in.” Satine called, trying to keep her voice even.

“Tea and oranges, Your Grace.” 

Fesma and Khaami placed down their trays and curtsied.

“Thank you,” Satine gave her maids a look, “you may turn in for the night.”

Once the door was closed, Satine felt Obi-Wan’s lips graze her collarbone. Turning, Satine wrapped her arms around her Jedi’s neck and let his kisses trail along her jaw.

“Just kiss me, Ben.” Satine breathed.

Obi-Wan did, a sweet and soft one like they used to share when Master Qui-Gon wasn't looking. Though this time, he wasn’t as shy.

“Ben,” Satine smiled, pressing her hips against Obi-Wan’s, “Ben.”

Satine felt Obi-Wan’s hand linger on the buttons that undid her ivory nightdress, and to show him that it was okay to undo them, Satine dragged her hand down from Obi-Wan’s neck, across his chest, and to his trouser strings.

“We should move.” he mumbled into her neck.

“You can always erase the guards’ memories,” Satine asked, “right?”

Obi-Wan grinned cheekily, “If that’s what Her Grace wishes.”

It wasn’t funny, but Satine giggled anyway.

“You know what else the Duchess would like?”

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, “What?”

Satine’s eyes glimmered, “To be reminded of that cold night on Draboon.”

“Not the venemites?” Obi-Wan teased.

“Ben.” Satine whined.

“Come on,” Obi-Wan sat up, yanking Satine with him, “the bed will be more comfortable.”

Satine felt a rush at his words and her cheeks turned pink, though her stomach fluttered with anticipation.

“Anything in particular you’d like?” Obi-Wan asked, pulling Satine towards him.

The Duchess grinned and traced the Jedi’s jaw, “Surprise me.”

After a full night of groaning and giggling, Satine felt Obi-Wan sneak out at the crack of dawn.

“Ben-”

“I’ll see you later, love,” he said, kissing her head, “I’ll come back to you.”

Satine went back to sleep, but when Fesma shook her awake, she couldn’t stop smiling.

She heard Khaami wrinkle her nose. “Ew.” 

Covering herself, Satine sat up to face her ladies, grinning like a fool.

“You look like how a child feels on Giving-Day morning.” Fesma remarked.

Satine leaned back against her pillows, “Mm, happy.”

Fesma snorted, Khaami pretended to throw up.

“Shall we get you dressed, Your Grace?” said Fesma, changing the subject.

“Yes, please.” Satine smiled.

Khaami raised her eyebrows.

“If she’s gonna be like this all day, I really will barf.”

Fesma’s laugh echoed from the closet.

“I mean really though,” Khaami continued, “you literally have a knight in shining armor.”

Satine giggled, covering her mouth slightly.

“Come on, Your Grace,” Fesma tossed Satine her underwear, “let’s get you dressed.”

Once she was clothed, Satine’s ladies began the difficult task of combing her hair.

“My God.” Fesma sighed.

“Headdress?” Khaami asked.

“Headdress.” Satine agreed.

  The Duchess had meetings all morning, and wasn’t able to see Obi-Wan until lunch, which they took in her parlor.

“You must be very busy.” Obi-Wan commented, smiling like an idiot.

Satine tilted her head, “And what would you know of what I do, Obi-Wan Kenobi?” 

Obi-Wan clicked his tongue, eyes glowing, “A thing or two.”

Satine laughed and tossed a leftover orange slice into her mouth.

“Seriously though,” Obi-Wan continued, “what do you do all day?”

“Boring meetings and planning public appearances,” Satine answered, “your adventures all over the galaxy must be more fun.”

Obi-Wan’s smile flattered.

“Oh, Ben,” Satine gasped, “forgive me!” “No, no,” Obi-Wan shook his head, “it’s alright.”

The Duchess was silent for a minute.

“Tell me how it happened.” she said finally, meeting Obi-Wan’s eyes.

So Obi-Wan recounted the tale of the phantom menace who’d eluded them on Tatooine and Naboo, only to kill his master and leave him dying in Obi-Wan’s arms.

“Oh, Ben.” Satine reached her hand out.

“I’m going to train the boy he wanted to,” Obi-Wan admitted, “he’s called Anakin.”

“Anakin?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan nodded, “he’s a little older than when most start their training, but-”

“Your Grace?”

The couple froze as the door opened. The Prime Minister, Jaru Djarin, entered and bowed.

“I am sorry to interrupt, Your Grace,” the Prime Minister kept her eyes on the Duchess, “but a few urgent documents have come in that require your signature.”

“Of course,” Satine stood and turned to Obi-Wan, “please excuse me.”

They were new tariffs that parliament had passed, all they required was her signature.

“Naboo won’t like this,” Satine frowned, “and Cerea won’t be pleased.”

“I agree with you, Your Grace,” Prime Minister Djarin nodded, “but unfortunately, I was out voted.”

So Satine signed the trade tariffs and went back to Obi-Wan.

“You look troubled.” he observed.

“Interesting new tariffs,” Satine frowned, “but I’d really rather not talk about that when I have time with you.” Obi-Wan grinned and leaned back on the couch, “Then what do we do?”

Satine tried not to smile, “I have no idea.”

Suddenly, Obi-Wan became serious, “Remind me why most Mandalorians still still don’t like the Jedi?”

“Well,” Satine hesitated, the New Mandalorians believe they are too violent, and the Old Mandalorians are still angry about the whole historical enemies thing.”

Obi-Wan crossed his arms, “So, you have political rivals?” 

“Unfortunately,” Satine confessed, “they’re not so much rivals as dissidents who spy and try to bring me down.”

“What do you mean?”

Satine’s throat closed at the concern in Obi-Wan’s voice.

“It’s nothing really,” Satine shifted, uncomfortable, “they want to make an example out of me, that I’m weak and stupid.”

“You’re none of those things,” Obi-Wan reached out gently, “you’re strong, and beautiful, and the smartest person I know.”

Satine looked up, “Really?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan smiled, “remember the time you outwitted Master Qui-Gon and saved all our lives?”

“That was,” Satine hesitated, “a plan that was laid as everything happened.”

“It still worked.” Obi-Wan countered.

Satine looked up at her shining Jedi knight, his gleaming crystal blue eyes, his bright orange hair, maybe one day Korkie would look like him.

Obi-Wan tilted his head, “What are you thinking about?” 

“You.”

Satine was surprised at how easily the lie came.

Grinning like a schoolboy, Obi-Wan wrapped Satine in his arms, “I think of you a lot too, way too much for my own good, in fact.”

“So do I.” Satine agreed.

They stayed like that for a while, after which Satine had to go to more official duties, so she didn’t see Obi-Wan until dinner time, which was also taken in her parlor.

“Satine,” Fesma whispered, “the servants are starting to talk.”

“Let them,” Satine gestured, “it’s just gossip.”

“But if it gets out of the palace,” Fesma continued, “people will ask questions.”

Satine frowned, “What are they saying?”

Fesma hesitated, “They think you’re having an affair with the Jedi.”

“What?”

Fesma raised an eyebrow, “Aren’t you?”

“He’s the father, Fesma,” Satine lowered her voice, “what am I going to do, not love him?”

Fesma sighed.

“Obi-Wan,” Satine turned, “let’s have dinner on the balcony.”

Obi-Wan looked like he was warring with himself, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” 

Satine looked at Fesma, “Yes, just for tonight.”

As they sat overlooking the gardens, Satine pointed out her favorite spots.

“Those are lilies from the Old World,” she said, gesturing with her fork, “they used to come in a multitude of colors, but now we only have white ones.”

“Really?” Obi-Wan smiled.

Satine sighed, “Well if you don’t want to hear about the secret passageways in the maze-”

“Oh, no, no,” Obi-Wan gestured with a wink, “I would love to hear about the maze’s secret passageways.”

Satine pointed at the mass of green hedges, “It leads to the center where there’s an Ancient Mandalorian pavilion with a statue of the goddess of war.”

“Goddess of war?” Obi-Wan asked.

Satine shrugged, “Mandalorians, what can you do?”

Obi-Wan laughed, a sound that made Satine smile.

“I wish you would never have to leave.” she confessed.

Obi-Wan looked down, “So do I.”

At this point, Satine was hovering dangerously close to telling him about the children.

“How about we go for a walk?” Satine stood.

Obi-Wan did the same and held out his arm, “Why don’t we?”

Five minutes later, the Duchess and her Jedi were running through the maze, trying to lose the guards that were loosely trailing them.

“Through here.” Satine whispered.

Obi-Wan smiled as Satine closed the hedge door behind them.

“Is this the-”

“Sh!”

Footsteps approached and the guards began speaking in low voices.

“You really think she’s kriffing the Jedi?” one asked.

“Do you remember anything about that night guarding her room?”

“No.”

“It’s because he erased our memories,” the second guard was likely wiggling his eyebrows, “whatever they’re doing, they don’t want us to know.”

Satine went red, Obi-Wan was trying not to laugh.

“Come, they're probably around the corner.”

As the footsteps grew quieter, Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Satine’s waist.

“They’re onto us, my love.”

Satine sighed, “What are we ever going to do?”

Obi-Wan snorted, “Get better at sneaking around.”

Unfortunately for Satine, that meant that she and Obi-Wan had to have their remaining breakfasts in the dining room with her ladies in attendance, but worst of all, Obi-Wan had been sneaking out earlier and earlier each night.

“Ben-”

“Don’t worry, love,” Obi-Wan whispered, “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“But tomorrow’s your last night.” Satine mumbled into the pillow.

Obi-Wan was silent for a moment, “Then I guess we’ll have to make it count.”

At breakfast that morning, Satine noticed her Jedi felt unusually reserved, but she didn’t get a chance to ask him about it until lunch.

“Something’s troubling you.’ she stated.

It was a fact, not a question.

“This whole week has been a dream,” Obi-Wan recounted, “I hate that it has to end.”

Satine frowned, “I wish you could stay as well.”

Obi-Wan looked up, “Why can’t I?”

Satine gaped for a second.

“Well,” she hesitated, “your code forbids-”

“Kriff the code!”

Satine was shocked, they were dining in her room, but she was sure the entire palace had heard.

“Ben-”

“If you can give me a good reason,” Obi-Wan crossed his arms, “then I’ll be satisfied!”

“Well, a former Jedi then, the system would have reason to revolt again, and the civil war just ended-”

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, “So you think I would cause civil war?”

Satine was shocked, she hated this Obi-Wan Kenobi, the argumentative juror of reason. The Kenobi that always won arguments, like this, he wasn’t her Ben.

Tears welled in Satine’s eyes, “You don’t know how much I want to be with you, Ben.”

The Jedi stood up, “Well it’s clearly not enough!”

“Ben-”

Obi-Wan bowed, “Good day, Duchess.”

Satine cried her eyes out for hours, screaming into her pillow with legs flailing through the air. Then she threw her headdress against the wall and punched the wall, which hurt.

“Your Grace?” asked a tentative voice outside her door.

“Send for my ladies!” Satine yelled.

Fesma and Khaami came quickly, too quickly.

“They say you’ve had a fight.” Fesma’s features drooped.

“I don’t care what they say,” Satine huffed, crossing arms, “but yes, we had a fight.”

“Oh, Satine.” Khaami embraced her lady.

“I love him, Fesma,” Satine swallowed, “I love him!”

Fesma sat on Satine’s other side, “I know, Satine, I know.”

The Duchess straightened.

“I have to see Korkie.”

The ladies looked at each other, “Satine-”

“I need to see my son.” the Duchess repeated.

The nurse wasn’t surprised when Satine burst in, she only looked up from the rocking chair where she was coddling Korkie.

The nurse gave Satine a quizzical look, “I was worried the argument might disturb him, but your nephew sleeps well, Duchess.”

Some tension seeped from Satine’s shoulders as she stared at her sleeping son, and she stepped closer. The nurse, understanding completely, stood up and gently handed Satine the baby, or perhaps he was even a toddler now.

“I may be old, Your Grace,” the nurse whispered, “but I am not blind, that man is your son’s father.”

Satine swallowed, hard.

“I shall not tell,” the nurse continued, “it would be cruel of me to do so.”

Obi-Wan did not come to dinner, and for an hour afterwards Satine wore her carpet thin from pacing. Then, after a stroke of bravery, she threw on her robe and opened the door.

“I shall return soon.” she told her guards.

Obi-Wan was in the guest wing, a floor below Satine’s. She knew which room he was in because outside sat an empty tray. She knocked on the door. No one answered. Then she knocked again, and again. Finally, when the door flew open, and Obi-Wan stood bedraggled in front of her, the words came.

“It can’t end like this, Ben,” Satine’s heart was in her words, “and if I can’t be with you my whole life, one last time will have to suit me.”

Obi-Wan stared at her.

“Ben, please-”

“I love you, Satine,” Obi-Wan growled low, “more than I ever thought it possible to love someone.”

“Please, Ben.” Satine begged.

It was glorious, the feel of his skin on hers again, and this time, Satine felt she could feel Obi-Wan’s adoration and love for her when he touched her. She would feel terrible in the morning when this was all over.

[filthyjanuary]

7-12 and 16-20 for the asks!

7. What do you dislike about your favourite season?

i think season 2 is the best, but as i’ve said before, my favourite is 4 solely because the first few eps i watched were from s4. i think season 4 is very solid and even though it’s a season that HURTS BAD because of everything happening between sam and dean, i think the show earns the conflict for the most part. the literal only thing that still haunts me is that the STUPID VOICEMAIL THAT GETS ALTERED IS NEVER ADDRESSED. like i hate more than anything that sam still thinks dean said those things. like i know jared’s said that sam knows dean loves him but i don’t care!!! sam /and/ dean deserve to know the voicemail was changed.

OH also literally everything with anna milton. she deserved better <3 sorry the fridged you and gave part of your arc to a man, queen.

also sam and dean should’ve found out cas let sam out of the panic room.

8. Thoughts on Sam’s demon blood arc

i love sam’s demon blood arc. his hot girl summer! in all seriousness, it makes perfect sense. mystery spot sets it up that sam goes dark when he doesn’t have dean, and s4 is the natural progression of that. i love sam being hellbent on revenge, and the blood drinking was hot sorry not sorry. like obviously the end result wasn’t stellar and the handling of the demon blood as an addiction was handled rather shittily in the show, but overall this arc is near and dear to me and if i couldn’t have the boy king, i’m glad i got this instead. and it brings up some really interesting concepts that get explored really well in fic.

9. Thoughts on the Moc arc

i hate this arc mostly because like dean was terrible...which makes sense, but even after the mark was gone it’s like... he never /really/ pulls himself out of that place. it also just dragged on for FAR too long. like it didn’t need to be like 30 episodes or however long. i do like that it gave us demon!dean being like sexythreatening, and that scene of sam cradling dean’s face and begging him to tell him that he had to kill all those people and just the general sam is dean’s colette of it all. also the end of s10 with sam on his knees and dean telling him to close his eyes is deeply fucked up and i love it for that reason and obviously that happened bc of the MOC storyline.

10. Fave underrated ep

i am highkey obsessed with 1x04 phantom traveller, 2x07 the usual suspects and 4x19 jump the shark and i feel like most people don’t really care about those episodes or bring them up much. phantom traveller is just interesting bc i think the character moments are fun and i am obsessed with plane crashes for some reason. the usual suspects i just adore because it’s really a great exploration of HOW WELL sam and dean know each other and just how alike they are. and unfortunately i really like the cop lady in this one. jump the shark was the second episode of supernatural i ever saw and for some reason something in my brain latched onto adam and never let go. i love him so much (i know it’s not really him in the ep but ukno) and i love how much you learn about sam and dean through it too.

11. Thoughts on BMOL

boring. like...the actors were not good at their accents. they wanted what bela talbot had in s3. i just didn’t find ‘the british are evil’ a compelling storyline in a supernatural show.... like girl i live in real life you don’t need to preach to me about the british. also like they set up ketch to be evil like worse than toni who i already hate because she tortures/sexually assaults sam by having him kill magda i guess? but then they end up redeeming him and he survives longer than both mick (affectionate) and toni (derogatory), like seriously one of the worst Big Bads they’ve ever had.

12. Thoughts on Mary

to be honest, i think bringing her back was kind of a stupid idea in the sense that the ENTIRE SHOW starts because of her death. but i felt like HAVING DONE THAT, trying to deconstruct her image as like this nuclear housewife was compelling and the whole clash of sam and dean who just want their mom versus mary who left her kids as a an infant and a small child and now has these grown men who are older than her needing things she doesn’t know how to give was very interesting. and i wish they’d done more with that. 

16. Any criticisms of their world building/lore

well i think everyone’s said it better than me that they can’t seem to get their stance on monsters straight at all and the show suffers for it. i also hate how like the later seasons especially just blatantly retcon so much. the prime example is the garden of eden in s5 vs s15.... the s5 version was so much more interesting and i hate that they brought it back just to destroy their own lore. the whole concept of the abrahamic god being like the ‘real’ god vs other gods just being minor annoyances didn’t like...make sense or feel good either. i also would’ve loved more exploration of like what the fuck it means to be a vessel and also exploration of other monsters/urban legends. like ok we get it ghosts/demons/vampires/werewolves sure w/e but there’s so much to pull from. it got repetitive and there’s so many other things they could’ve tried. hell the SECOND EPISODE of the show mentions black dogs and we never actually encounter one. or like chimeras... like there’s just plenty to dig into and they just get lazy.

17. What did you like about s15?

15x20 <3 also just...jack....that’s my son! MICHAEL/ADAM IN 15X08!!!! i think there were a couple moments i liked in like...the gambler and last holiday, and i thought belphagor was funny. oh! also sam’s nightmare visions were kinda fun even tho they led back to lucifer :/

18. Thoughts on Lucifer

he was a really excellent and intimidating villain in s5.... and frankly i enjoyed hallucifer as well because sure he was presented comedically but he was a deeply dark presence hanging over sam as a reminder of what he suffered. everything after that...sucked!!! it sucked!!!!! overstayed his welcome, letting him out of the cage again totally nullifies sam’s sacrifice and frankly he lost every smidge of intimidation factor he ever had. he was just annoying and whiny and pointless and sam should’ve killed him <3 fuck that guy.

19. Most uncomfortable moments throughout the show for you?

answered here

20. Define the different eras in a few lines or words (s1-5, s6-7, s8-11, s12-15)

this was meant to be short... and then it wasnt... sorry.

kripke: PEAK SUPERNATURAL. racist AND sexist but like i frankly do not care because the actually storytelling is so GOOD. COHERENT. i long for what could’ve been had the strike not kneecapped s3 and we’d gotten boyking, but hell the arc we DID get... so good. so fulfilling. aesthetics go off the charts. character dynamics so good!!! conflicts are earned!!!! there was a fucking vision here and it was unique and interesting and the show was COMMITTED TO IT. literally iconic television i love her so much. eric kripke needs a therapist but i’m glad he wrote this show instead of going to see one. 

gamble: sera THEE gamble.... overarching storylines kinda weak, but SO FUN! i had fucking fun! soulless sam is a comedian, godstiel was the last time cas was remotely interesting, like!!!! she gave us everything!!!!! gets slandered way too much by this hell fandom like yes the leviathans were stupid but the were FUN and the character moments in s6-s7!!! so good!!!! lots of excellent MOTW eps as well, which... as we know...i love. when the show lost gamble, it lost something great, i’ll die on this hill. i love u #girlboss.

carver: there’s a lot of good here and a lot i despise. dean steadily grows darker throughout the show but there’s like a real VEER into being awful in s9 that the show never recovers from. it makes dean very unlikeable for the rest of its run, mostly by virtue of the show not realizing how unlikeable it’s made dean because it needs him to always be right so the fact that he’s basically turned into john is never like....addressed in any meaningful way. some storylines (MOC!!) dragged on for too long, while others were way too short (TRIALS!!!) but ultimately i think there were some good ideas here and moments i’m fond of. season 11 is Beautiful. i love her so much. there’s some really excellent eps in s11 and the character moments are good.

dabb: i literally hate it here (jack sweetie you are not included in this assessment you’re doing great). it was just stupid. the characterizations of EVERYBODY sucked and fell flat. way too obsessed with pandering to the loudest faction on twitter. took the wreckage of dean that carver left and full destroyed him. like straight up could’ve done something meaningful if they’d bothered to address it at all but they literally didn’t ever make dean be accountable for his actions??? can’t tell u what cas was doing it was so forgettable he obviously had no purpose literally the only scenes i remember were a couple where he’s being cute with jack and that one ep where he and sam go to that old-timey town and sam gets brainwashed. sam like... exists, and his character is intact but it’s only intact because the writers that were left didn’t want to bother giving him anything meaty to do to so the were like *spins wheel* leadership arc that goes nowhere, and he just exists being kind and compassionate and putting up with too much shit. BUT HE HAD REALLY FUCKING EXCELLENT MOMENTS WITH JACK and that alone is why i think it’s worth the slog. sam/jack is my favourite dynamic on the show following sam/dean so...unfortunately based on that.... i can’t just burn the whole dabb era but seriously... way to make every character a hollow, one-dimensional shell.

send me supernatural asks

[orionsangel86]

I'm clearly blind, where's Mark P in the trailer? (was that a trailer? is it called a trailer? lmao im dumb sry)

Hey, No don’t worry it’s not that easy to spot, just that the guy makes my skin crawl so much I can easily pick him out even when his face is hidden. If it isn’t him then it is someone who practically has the exact same hair, ears and build as him so *shrug* I mean I could be wrong but I am not gonna put it past Bucklemming stamping their feet and throwing a tantrum and crying to Bob Singer to give them exactly what they want because they looooooove Mark P sooooo much even though it makes no fucking sense and is utterly stupid and the other writers must be like WTF and Jensen was definitely like WTF and Dabb was like *shrug* if I don’t do what they want Bob Singer will basically demote me anyway oh well. *breaths*.

So yeah we get two shots of him:

Its the blonde spiky hair, the slightly pointy ears, and the slouch in his shoulders that clued me in. The frame and breadth of his shoulders is too narrow and too slouched to be Jensen as a recovering Dean. 

Also the fact that Sam has him in the dungeon in a demon trap but with some slight comforts like a proper bed and furniture? That to me says that this is indeed supposed to be Nick. But that Sam is taking precautions because well I guess he won’t be absolutely sure that Lucifer is actually dead and Nick will probably be pretty fucked up. Maybe we’ll get lucky and Lucifer’s possession would have rendered him mute? 

And okay I should probably apologise for being negative about this. I really really want to adore this season and jump on board the positive train with everyone, but this Mark P fact has really got me down, not only because I despise the man, but also because any story that keeps him in it just wouldn’t make sense at all. Like I can’t think of a single scenario right now where keeping him around makes sense (except maybe that idea about him being the Empty) but from the above it looks like we are indeed getting Nick back and I’m sorry but that just goes against all current lore. 

Lets consider this for a second if you will allow me to keep up this train of angry thought for a little while longer:

Nick, the original vessel, decayed and rotted in season 5 whilst Lucifer was wearing him. Even if the Colt didn’t render him dead, it was never explained what happened once Lucifer jumped ship to Sam at the end of the season. We don’t know anything more about him until the absurd story line (bucklemmings work of course) in season 12 where Crowley suddenly brings Nick’s vessel out to hold Lucifer as a cage for Crowley’s benefit.

Crowley says that they found the original vessel and “repaired and improved it” to hold him. So okay, maybe I can get behind the fact that Nick was still alive at that point. They showed the vessel chained up right before Lucifer possessed him again so perhaps he was still around. But even THAT doesn’t explain 1. How Lucifer was able to possess him without getting Nick’s consent again, and 2. HOW HE COULD EVEN STILL SURVIVE BEING STABBED WITH AN ARCHANGEL BLADE IN 13x23 WHEN LUCIFER BURNED OUT ANYWAY?!?! THAT IS AN INSTANT KILL FFS.

And of course I know that Bucklemming will come up with some retcon fuckery to explain this all away. Probably with a shit load of over exposition that will have us rolling our eyes whilst they clap themselves on the back for being so fucking clever. (if it’s Dabb and this is revealed in 14x01 then perhaps it will make sense but even then I’m struggling to imagine it)

And okay okay fine I get that there is probably some actual meaningful theme here that meant Dabb greenlighted this absurd Bucklemming story pitch. It’s probably to do with making Nick a Dean mirror to prepare Sam and Cas for what Dean may be like once free of Michael - and perhaps explore the trauma and PTSD that comes from having your bodily autonomy taken away from you. But ya know who HAS ALREADY EXPERIENCED THIS? 

SAM AND CAS!!!

So how about instead of some bullshit story to stroke Mark P’s already over inflated ego, YOU ADDRESS SAM AND CAS’S TRAUMA AT THE SAME TIME AS DEAN’S?!? 

a bit of TEAM FREE WILL BONDING OVER SHARED TRAUMA?!? I MEAN IS IT SO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK FOR?!?

*deep breath*

I am so not done. But this topic is exhausting and upsets me and I KNOW I KNOW what you are all thinking. Calm down Saz. This is literally just a few seconds of promo. You don’t know the story yet. Don’t over react. 

And I get that guys. I do. This is me, getting worked up when my logical brain is telling me to sit down and just give it the benefit of the doubt. There is still a calm cool headed meta writer in me somewhere, but having the Lucifer story inflicted on us for three fucking years now this was the ONE THING I wanted GONE more than ANYTHING ELSE.

And look, consider this my rant on the topic. I promise I won’t go on about it because I HATE being negative about the show and having negativity on my blog. It wears me the hell out. So yes, I am upset about this. The rest of the promo looks amazing and overall I am really excited for the season. This is just one big disappointment that I was really hoping was just a rumour.

Fingers crossed that I’m wrong on this. If I am I’ll throw a goddamn party and invite you all along. I’ll even bake some fucking cupcakes.

Right. That’s that sorted then. I’m gonna go draw some feathers.

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

I haven’t posted anything in ages...

...but given this is the very last season of SPN I sat down to watch the first two episodes of the finale season and well, it’s never been a secret that I absolutely despise Dabb’s showrunning - it really has been showruining if we’re being honest here - but what these two episodes confirmed to me is that there seems to be not a single capable writer left on the team and well, Dabb surely isn’t a stellar example or role model in that regard (seriously, it will never not absolutely baffle me that Dabb wrote some of my favourite episodes during Carver era when I’m comparing them to his work right now).

Anyway, I just feel sad. I have felt saddened beyond belief, betrayed and enraged throughout pretty much all of Dabb’s run and even stopped watching altogether because he managed to turn the show into a bad parody of itself. But I was nursing this tiny little bit of hope that maybe for this final season Dabb & Co. would get a grip and give the characters, the actors and yes, also the fans (though of course tastes differ and that’s cool - objectively speaking though these last seasons have been painfully bad in terms of writing) what they deserve. A well written farewell. Save to say that’s apparently off the table judging from these two episodes.

I haven’t felt angry about anything relating to SPN for a while, because well, I fell out of love with the show due to poor quality in writing and showrunning but stuck around because I freaking loved the characters, loved DEAN and always will, but dear would this show have deserved better, would have Dean deserved better, would have Jensen and Jared and all the actors who have been part of the show throughout the years deserved better. It’s a tragedy. And people who have been following me on here for a while and remember the times when I wrote countless metas each week, because the show was just so damn good, know that I love me some tragedy, but not like this. Not this way. I am in mourning for a show and a cast that would have deserved a final season that is deep, that is meaningful, that is atmospheric and emotional and not bland and washed out and just painful to watch because you can realize that half the people on screen also seem to feel kind of embarrassed that this is how it ends.

I know this will not be received well by many people - to be honest, I don’t care. I am just beyond saddened and sorry for an actor like Jensen having to suffer through the worst writing this show has seen in all it’s time in the final season. I dearly hope that maybe in the end by some miracle they’ll manage to pen a satisfying ending, but seriously, what are the odds? I’d have countless ideas which way they could go, but with Dabb at the helmet it’s useless trying to navigate a map, because he himself has no clue what those fine lines called streets and roads even are.

I’m sorry, but I’m sad. I’m angry. And I wished more than ever that SPN would have ended with the scene of the glowing Samulet in Dean’s hand in S11. I have long treated that episode as the ending of SPN, because what is currently running on tv labeled as “Supernatural” has absolutely nothing in common with the show I once fell head over heels in love with.

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

1x12 “Faith” // 3x10 “Dream A Little Dream of Me” // 8x01 “We Need to Talk about Kevin”

“If the Tin Man Misses His Heart, So Does an Entire Show“ - On 14x01 “Stranger in a Strange Land” and the Thing about Hearts, Love and Faith

“That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex. [...] Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions. You're not hungry, Dean, because inside, you're already...dead.”

- Famine to Dean in 5x14 “My Bloody Valentine”

---

I admit, it is rather weird to write a piece of meta on an episode underneath a gifset that doesn’t feature a single scene from said episode. It doesn’t for good reason though and that being the fact that iTunes doesn’t have the episode available here in Germany yet, so I couldn’t download it to make gifs, therefore this will have to do. I think though that these scenes above will illustrate well enough why I chose to use them in context to the S14 premiere. It’s plain and simple: To me they capture the essence of what this episode was about and to a huge extent in my personal opinion this episode was about one thing: Faith. Whether it was from Maggie mentioning a rawhead (the monster Dean killed in 1x12 “Faith” and almost killing himself in the process as well) the first man we saw Michael visit who started his day with praying to Mary trying to “keep the faith” that they’ll find Dean to Castiel expressing faith in Jack, who has lost it and the believe in himself to Sister Jo who seems to continue to work as a “faith healer” and saving people.

Faith, the very concept of it has always been something Dean as a character was shown to struggle with on Supernatural. Early on, from the very first season onward and especially set up with the episode 1x12 “Faith” that sees Dean close to dying with a damaged heart after having been electrocuted his’s faith or lack thereof has been an integral part of his journey as a character. In fact it has become a red line running throughout the seasons shining a light on Dean’s state of mind as well as perception of self.

Given all that the opening episode of S14 felt very interesting, because imo it called back to its roots and the episode 1x12 “Faith” as that episode not only truly established the heart symbolism surrounding Dean that has been focal point time and again over the course of 13 years, but also marked Dean’s special place within the grand scheme of things which has always lead all the way to Michael, who of course at present is calling the shots.

And here is where these aspects intertwine rather well, because imo the heavy focus on the heart in 14x01 with Kip for example talking about “eating Sam’s heart out” feels especially striking because Dean is absent. Dean, the tin man, lost his heart, his agency, has become a mere puppet to Michael’s will. And along with Dean essentially losing himself to me the show has lost it’s core, his heart too and that was strikingly showcased this episode.

Now, I know many people are going to hate me for saying this, but to me this set up makes one thing perfectly clear: Supernatural cannot work without Dean (which is why Dean is never allowed to not be around for longer periods at a time), because it lacks its heart, the PoV character, the narrator, the one who is holding everything together - and with that also has become the one who has steadily fallen apart due to the weight he carries on his shoulders, because he never once has put himself first or believed he mattered (and frankly ever since that god awful scene at the end of S12 with Dean trying to save Mary by going inside her mind also was plain shown that he indeed doesn’t seem to matter as a person in his own right, but only in extension to someone else) and with that thought he deserved to be saved.

To me this first episode spelt out perfectly the only way Dean should be able to “beat” Michael in the long run (I assume that even though Dean may appear “saved” but really won’t be - I guess they will play up some parallels between Nick and his possession and the aftermath for him with Dean, though frankly this whole thing was the most stupid move, because the vessel Lucifer inhabited was artificially made by Crowley and had nothing to do with Nick anymore, so... duuuhhh + if they needed this for dramataic purposes, Dean sharing with Sam those experiences would have made more sense and would be much more meaningful, but anyway...) lies in the small but important fact of Dean finding self worth and love for himself. The episode has shown one thing clearly and that is that Michael is completely unable to grasp the concept of what love means, it escapes him or at the very least annoys and bewilders him. Just like Lucifer never knew what Baby could trigger for Sam in 5x2 “Swan Song” neither understands Michael the meaning of love. And especially so if it is love for someone else. The only thing he knows about that is how he can use it to manipulate people and that’s how he was able to get Dean too after all.

And here is where I found Michael’s question to his counterparts interesting (though I quite frankly had to roll my eyes at Dabb here too, because really? Now even so obviously reference/steal from Lucifer from “Lucifer” and his “what do you desire?”-style), because every single time, every single answer featured love for someone else and belonging in some fashion, things Michael obviously seems to despise and count as a weakness (he is very Voldemort in that regard actually...) unless it is directed at oneself.

What do I mean with that? Obviously, Michael had asked Kip the question of “what he wants” as well and after some thinking he had come to the conclusion, a very selfish one: Everything. Well, as one says that’s how the mighty fall, but what I felt important in this context is how Kip managed to “survive” Michael and how Michael befriends a vampire at the end of the episode (for its “pure” reasons - lots of callbacks and parallels to purgatory with Dean and Dean and famine here, which I can’t possible work into this text right now, but there are a few fitting things in these storylines relevant to the current set up). They both think of themselves, put themselves first, “love” themselves if you will and THAT is something very strikingly different to Dean, because Dean doesn’t care about himself, doesn’t put himself first and truly has no love for himself. That is exactly why imo Michael has such a strong hold over him, why Michael could overpower Dean. It’s based in Dean’s lack of self worth and that aspect to is directly connected to faith - faith as such as well as the episode from S1.

More than once on the show it was addressed that Dean doesn’t think he deserves to be saved. Be it due to what he did in Hell or plain and simple due to the fact he thinks no one could or should ever love him. I truly think that is why Dean is so vulnerable to be overpowered by Michael, because in opposition to Dean Michael has all the love for himself but none for anybody else. He is self confident to the point of arrogance and being a complete megalomaniac, but point is, he feels worthy. That’s where he draws strength from. Dean on the other hand feels the opposite, has never learnt to form a healthy image of self. That is where to me the aspects of purity and hunger come into play here and especially so Famine’s words to Dean, because even though it is 9 years later, Dean doesn’t feel any different really, he never healed but only accumulated more scars, more trauma, more reasons to hate himself. He has been deeply depressed for a long time and shown to be tired and at the end of his rope, ready to lay his head to rest. Amara to echoed these sentiments previously said by Famine, that Dean feels empty. And well, doesn’t someone who feels empty and despises himself allow all the more room as a literal vessel for someone to inhabit?

So what does it all come down to? My personal takeaway from this episode was that there is only one way to “save” Dean and that is by Dean saving himself. And that may be the hardest part, because as all of the gifs capture above Dean struggles to see himself as worthy to be saved, as important and lovable, because he simply doesn’t feel any of those things for himself. But if I was part of the writing team, this aspect would be the vital aspect for Sam, Jack and Co. to get Dean back, getting Dean to build up his own self worth, loving himself and with that becoming strong enough to fight Michael off who really doesn’t know humanity at all. Dean’s love for his loved ones has proven to “move mountains”, who knows what he could move if he had found just a shred of that immens capacity to love for himself...