#I deleted my tumblr cuz social media is stressful

[candyspider]

omg reposting cuz I noticed a fatal error whoops

[decepti-thots]

I was in the tumblr tf fandom for a hot second a few years ago and i just wanted to ask, is it still really aggressive here? because back then there was a lot of shipping drama, there were a few callout posts going around (can't really remember about what) and just...a lot of bad stuff. I personally had someone tell me to kill myself because I liked one of the villains. guess I'm just wondering if, in your opinion, things have chilled out? Cuz I'd like to get back into it but I'm a little hesitant;;;

I'm going to try and give the fullest answer I can in the best faith to this! For context, this blog is a couple years old now, I have enough followers that I get a lot of active engagement on my posts etc, I am very active in TF fandom here, Twitter, and IRL, and while I did not used to be active I have been lurking in TF fandom as long as I have been on Tumblr.

There is absolutely still some toxicity; all fandoms have their bad faith actors, their drama hounds, their shipping Diskhorsers TM. I have gotten hate mail, I know folks who have issue with weird anon haters who are persistent, whatever. But no, it is not as bad as it has been in the past, IMO, not at ALL, and it is 100% possible to have an active, sociable and nice time in this fandom so long as you curate your engagement, with basically no drama at all. Many of the worst folks burned out and left when the fandom got less active and their shitstirring paid lesser and lesser dividends, IME.

People sometimes ask how I maintain such a vocal presence without falling into the still-there drama, and I have some advice that I promise you will mitigate like, 99% of the possible issues you could encounter:

Block whenever you feel like blocking. If you get a bad vibe, if you just don't personally like someone and don't wanna see them, if you see them throwing what looks like a temper tantrum you don't want in on, just block 'em. Remember: blocking is nothing personal towards the person you are blocking. It is not insulting and doesn't need to be 'earned'. Block every single person you think not blocking might even just theoretically cause stress or drama. (I am blocked by several people for reasons no more serious than 'I hate your OTP', and I commend every one of them for doing it and having a better time on this site!)

Delete any and all anon hate. Block anyone and everyone who sends you hate. No exceptions. No witty comebacks. No takedowns. Nothing. You see it and the actual literal second you do, you block and delete. None of it is worth one second of your time. Deprived of the oxygen, they will leave. And you won't be tempted to re-read it and stress out.

In that same vein, if it causes issues, just turn anon off! Turn it off. Personally I keep it on because I simply do not care about the odd troll, but if you care even slightly? Fuck 'em, turn it off, anon is a privilege your followers need to earn by acting in good faith.

Find people you like and follow them, ignore blatant shitstirring in the maintags (again: block people!) and try to curate content and follows and mutuals based on what you do like and not what you don't. Curate positive engagement; do not rely on the general fandom slurry, find what you like and hang out in your own corner of things that bring you joy. If the maintag stresses you out: don't check it. Check the blogs of folks you know are cool instead. Stuff like that.

Fandom should be fun. Fandom should be finding people you like and sharing good times with them, not stressing about avoiding folks you hate, or who hate you. Tumblr lets you moderate how you engage, when, and where more than almost any current social media site; now you can even turn off reblogs and oh my GOD is that a lifesaver function btw. If you want, you can make your blog unsearchable! It means you will need to be more proactive in making friends. But TF fandom is pretty tight knit these days, and folks want to talk a lot of the time. You'll still be able to engage with cool people.

There's way less aggro losers around these days, but more to the point, you can absolutely avoid the ones that still insist on being annoying and starve them out without much effort, tbh.

[just-emerald-star]

2023: The Year of Social Media Burnout

Is it just me or has every single alternative to Twitter (including good ol Tumblr here, no shade) led to a severe case of burn out??? Cuz I personally can't take it anymore. In the time since Tumblr was taken over by that narcissistic man child, we've had A FUCK TON of social media alternatives or "twitter clones" pop up or take advantage of every single chance they get cuz Twitter falls apart at least every other week like clockwork.

-Hive (Tried it. Hated it. No Desktop version yet.)

-Spoutible (Giving off echo-chamber vibes. Shitty NSFW/sex worker policies despite being for all marginalized folks.)

-Spill (Whomst?)

-Mastodon (Exists)

-Bluesky (Run by the former twitter CEO. Fuck him as well.)

-Threads (Just launched. 6/10)

-Post (Whomst)

-Substack (An attempt was made)

And plenty more I don't know about yet. I'm sure they'll become relevant at some point. My point is this: Look at how many alternatives have come into prominence in the past 8 months.

This is all in response to Twitter malfunctioning and being run by a dumbass. And everyone's immediate response is "let's move somewhere else" but we often forget that not every site is gonna have that reach you're looking for to promote your shit (if you're a creative like me.) It's not gonna have every function like Twitter & if it does have said functions, that's a whole new system you gotta adapt to. I've tried so many alternatives in the past 8 months out of fear that Twitter may actually shut down. And yet, it's still the one place I often go to. The exception to the rule of course is ya boi Tumblr. And while I appreciate this site, it's taken a bit to adjust.

And me being a creator who just wants folks to see my work but also not be stressed by social media's ever-changing ways, I gotta tell ya folks: I am very much stressed out, burnt out & on the brink of wanting to just...delete everything.

I can't keep spreading myself thin and can't keep depending on new sites, cuz that means I have to build myself from the ground up. And that's not even counting the sites that lack certain functions & can't get their shit together cuz they launched prematurely just to get a leg up on Twitter's bag fumbling.

Not to mention (and I've been saying this shit since December 2022):

TWITTER'S TOOLS & FUNCTIONS ARE GOOD, ACTUALLY. EVERYONE WANTS TO REPLACE TWITTER BUT NO ONE WANTS TO BE TWITTER.

In conclusion: Aside from Tumblr, I think I'll be downsizing on social media presence. I can't nor REFUSE to let myself deal with being spread too thin. It's giving social media obsession and I've had enough. It's not enough to be NEW & BETTER than Twitter. You gotta show us that you understood what worked/didn't work on Twitter and put your own spin on things. Not expecting perfection, I just want better options.

TL;DR There will never be another Twitter, only Twitter Adjacent & that's sad. Cuz Twitter, despite ALL of it's bullshit, has done some actual good & given light to more issues in the last 10 years thx to it's very existence. and it's being fucked over by an old ass transphobic man child in the midst of mid-life crisis.

[hannie-dul-set]

its the girl from ur last ask u replied to I’m not gonna be anonymous cuz whatever idc anymore but

FRRR my friend used to make SKZ fanfics and people would constantly ask her for updates and get annoyed when she wouldn’t reply to asks. Literally she was busy w college, stressed out as fuck and random selfish ass strangers online would send passive aggressive asks all like ohh you haven’t updated in a while. She was lit going thru a lot and people were asking her to write smut?? (She literally said she wasn’t going to write for a while… ) anyways so my point is to anyone who sees this, my friend eventually got so fed up she deleted everything and quit. Do y’all really want hannie’s fics to be deleted? Do u guys WANT to drive her off this platform? If not then shut the fuck up and be greatful that she’s already writing for free. (btw I’m thinking of writing as well, if you have time, how did you start writing? What are some ideas you had? ((Not trying to steal 😭😭 just looking for inspo)) but if you’re busy don’t feel pressured at all to answer this girl ik u been busy)

love ur work girl

literally a lot of people won't get it unless they're on the receiving end of things!!!

anyhow, it's great to hear that ur planning on starting writing!!! me personally started off as a reader as well HAHAHAHHAHA and then decided that i wanted to try it out as well, but wasn't really confident in writing actual words so i tried out social media aus first.

the first few aus i have on here are absolute crap BWAHAHHAHAA i don't really remember how or why i transitioned into writing actual full length fics 😭😭 but my first longfic was also pretty darn bad!!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHA.

when i first started writing, most of my ideas were really mostly just cute, plotless scenarios. things that i thought would do well with the tumblr audience. but as the years went by, i started giving less of a fuck with what was marketable and decided to just vomit our whatever dumb/stupid/out of left field ideas that my brain would conjure and decided to roll with it HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

hftb was one of them. i wrote it during a time where the "loser" archetype wasn't really a thing (and wasn't popularized by sunjae BWAHAHAHHAHA) so i thought it would flop but wrote it regardless 😭😭 happy to find out that people ate that shit up anyway!!!!

[s4vcu]

intro | req guidelines, ab me!

hello there!! this will be my very first “post” on this account, but i’d like to give a bit of background info first before the req info cuz yk why nott :p

| ab me + more info!

ways to refer to me | i go by azu with she/her pronouns!

bg | i previously had a different account but it was deleted a while ago, as i felt the need to take a full break off social media at the time due to academic and personal stress. i've now returned, ready to have a completely fresh start and write headcanons, one shots, etc that will hopefully touch ygs hearts <3

other | i will try to post on a consistent basis, but it still varies depending on when i have time and also when i have the motivation to do so as well (life can be draining sometimes). if for some given reason i cannot post, i will let ygs know ab it on any recent post i will create at the very bottom and hopefully will be able to write again afterwards!

i will be doing mainly haikyuu and jjk content, but that does not mean i won't be doing others incl aot, ds, etc - and with this said, i will be creating a masterlist so that way, i can keep track of my works and also to make it easier for ygs to read the ones you're most intrigued in!

| req info + guidelines

moving onwards, i will be doing reqs in the future, but for now, i will be writing based on any ideas that come to my mind. until i get at least one req, depending on the factors below, i may or may not write with the suggestion/idea given:

i will say this straight up - i will not do smut. For the sole reason that i am thinking of keeping this blog open for minors, so any req w smut i most likely will not respond to (some of my works may end up being suggestive tho - thats prob how far it'll get..). i will respond to ideas revolving fluff, angst, comfort, etc fs tho!

(honestly thats it ngl thats the only main thing that'll b the biggest factor to whether ill do it or not :p)

pls state what it is exactly you want me to write ab. the more detail, the better - but obvi it doesn't need to be a paragraph! it also helps me more accurately write exactly ab what it is you are requesting so i can give satisfactory pieces of writing (cant let ygs down..)!

(this is the second factor ig but even if its not as specific i will attempt to do so anyways...)

pls also rmbr that outside of tumblr, i also have things to do in life that may take an indefinite amt of time for me to do, but i will def try to accommodate and fulfill ygs wishes tho!

that's all i have to say! that was a lot of typing...but regardless, i hope the works that i will eventually post in the future will provide warmth, comfort and many more feelings to ygs!

posting soon! <3

-azu

[poutyniall]

Firstly i m sorry,to text u knowing u are already going through soo much

Hope u get recover soon

I just want to tell u about how alone i m in my irl ,like seriously,i m in my final year now

Being the children of strict parents who never allowed me to hang up with my friends or never permitted to go alone anywhere

For that reason i don't have any friends from my schools and now i m in whole girls university starting 2 yr corona ate it and last yr everyone, including me is focusing on final yr studies

Now i know i m gonna stay alone in my life without having experience of good friends. and yess i don't have even boyfriend nor I have any boy contact no. nor anyboy knows about my existence

And it's make me sad cuz Ppl says having some groups of (boy) friend is good because they won't judge u and are good listener

I concluded that i m never gonna be get a friend nor girl nor boy

My life is boring as hell, fvkn hell

I m too introvert too, and when I goes through depression and stress i sometimes yell at my brother or mom,not dad because he is strict

And they think i m misbehaving,yes i doo

But they never tried to know the reason behind my irritating behaviour

I know they provide me every comfort but what about my mental health

And i too don't like myself,cuz i hate my personality, my height is not that good just 5'2 or something whatever just leave this

I just feel like i should go and dive in an empty well that's all

I hate myself,i hate my life i hate everything

I even deleted every social media, except Tumblr, because i forgot the password of it lol

Sorry for ranting soo much

Alright, let's break it down point by point.

Uni: if I got it right, it's your last year, right? First, well done and keep going, you're almost at the finish! Just because you hadn't make friends til now it doesn't mean you can't still do it. If you want, alongside with studying for your finals, you could try to chat a bit with someone in the study room or in the library. Don't approach them already fantasizing about being best friend, that kind of bond takes years of mutual commitment to develop. Take tiny steps, slow and steady.

Guys: well, I always had more boy friends than girl friends and that's not true, it always depends on the person in front of you.

Relationships/experiences: I think we feel pressured 'cause we've always been told the teenage/twenty years are the best and we should fully live them. And I've struggled too with this a lot 'cause my life's also boring and haven't had the experiences society tells me I should already have had (first kiss, a romantic relationship, sex, dates, get drunk, go clubbing etc) but I have come to the conclusion that we decide which ones will be the best years of our life are, it could be our thirty or fifty or seventy, who knows? One thing's sure, these kind of experiences don't come with an expiration date, there's no time limit. You will find someone who will know you, your partner in crime.

Family: one thing all these years of therapy taught me is that you can't change others but you can work on changing the way you react to them. I don't know what type of relationship you have with your parents and your brother and I don't know if you already did it but you could try to talk to them, help them understand what you feel and how you feel it. Depression, anxiety, every mental disorder actually, is hard for both the one living it and the ones around them.

And we all have things we don't like about ourselves that we can't change (you can't change your height) so don't feel alone in this. I know how you feel but remember that you're not alone feeling like this, there's a lot of us. And don't apologize for ranting, if letting it out lighten a bit the weight you feel then it was a pleasure for me listening to your ranting.

[garfieldsladybird]

Guidelines / requesting info.

please be respectful and kind when requesting, and please reblog!! it’s how the algorithm on Tumblr works. 🙂

how i write. — when writing high stuff.

my blog has no age boundary and I’m okay with older people requesting too. 18 plus blogs tho gtfo here.

I am not responsible for your social media consumption and for what you read.

— more info: boundaries.

READ TO THE BOTTOM.

WHEN REQUESTING —

when you're requesting please: specify what pronouns for the reader, what character(s) you want me to write, and a concept (please give details!). if there's something you want me to write but you're not sure if I'm comfortable with it then just ask.

please understand that your requests won't be done quickly. I will do them all in my own order and i sometimes have writer's block, so if yours takes time, im sorry. I’m stressing about it too.

seeing as I am the author of this blog, I am allowed to delete any asks that come in that I do not like or want.

— if your request is declined, chances are I'm not motivated into writing it or I have something similar that is in my works. or I don’t like it. I also want to post some of my ideas here, so understand that sometimes I'll pass.

fandom‘s + characters.

LENGTH OF FIC. — just my understanding of things.

fluff, angst, smut, hurt/comfort—(isn’t that just angst to fluff). and also dark but not like super dark.

i write blurbs, big fics, concepts, drabbles, one-shots, & headcannon.

blurbs; small fics, usually between 100 and 200 words. & 300.

concepts; just an idea.

drabble; is a short work of fiction of precisely one hundred words in length.

one-shot; a short story that can stretch on for however long you like but its only of one piece, one time. usually over 100 words.

headcannon; basically its about a character and i would write the ideas that i have for them, like the little things, and then explain it to others. or tell me a little things you have for a character and I write about what i get from that.

READER —

i’m genderfluid so i will write for anything. they/them, she/her, & he/him !! reader when writing. for sfw & nsfw.

i think for nsfw I might typically go for female body but as for describing depends on the fic & idea i have. so if you would like to request something nsfw wise, any reader is perfect.

as for he/him reader, yes i will write for male reader. I would love to try male!reader x male or female character but I dont think it would turn out good. I am ok with writing it tho, I think trying is the best way to learn.

fyi poly relationships can happen with all genders.

And, i can also write for trans readers; mtf reader or character & ftm reader or character. mtf = male to female. ftm = female to male. I am willing to write this but please understand that I do not understand the changes with like the pills and like actually changing (yk)… but I do understand the feeling. can also just like be a gender crisis, and they can’t decide so they become they/them. yk.

— if you request something and you want me to write the changes and going through that with said character then please give me some of the examples that you are going through, (if you are transgender person).

and also just reader. where i only use the word you.

gn!reader; they/them.

fem!reader; she/her.

male!reader; he/him.

trans mtf reader; he/him. (it also depends if I’m telling the story).

trans ftm reader; she/her. (it also depends if I’m telling the story).

reader.

POC —

i want this account to be poc friendly, and i will make sure to keep that happening in my fic’s. if I happen to mention anything that makes it unable for poc to feel like their in the story, and i haven’t mentioned it please tell me.

I want to make sure that i dont state what kind of skin tone, hair, and/or features are like for reader, cuz reader already knows that.

when writing, I would put myself in the situation of how it would be but I don’t necessarily think that it’s me there.

going with this, i wont state that reader is a person of color, poc!reader and i’m also not going to state that its a caucasian/white!reader, its just reader x whoever and/or with pronouns.

if i make a fic that i know it wont allow poc to read and feel like their in the story, i most likely will mention it in the Author‘s note beforehand and it might be like for example; sister!reader and the sturniolo triplets.

I do apologize for that but i also want to write things like that. I wanna write my ideas and put them on here but you can still enjoy my other fic’s! I would make a separate masterlist/section for the fic’s that would be like that.

i know that in the fanfiction community people of color aren’t represented as much as they should be and most want to find fic’s that represent them, so I can always recommend a few poc writers and/or try finding some cuz I follow a lot of em, so yeah just send in a ask on anon or not, if you want.

SEXUALITY —

i’m bisexual, sometimes I lean more towards the men than the females but I love both, sometimes I don’t realize that I love females more. but I write for any gender and also any gender character.

male character.

female character.

trans mtf character.

trans ftm character.

THEMES I REFUSE TO WRITE.

involving:

r*pe/non-consensual sex. (dubcon is exception)

SA. (sexual assault)

suicide.

abuse.

certain drugs like cocaine, acid, meth, fentanyl, and any pills.

ptsd.

self harm.

eating disorders.

pedophilia (reader is always of age).

necrophilia (that's just messed up).

too much bloodshed/gore (this is self explanatory.)

^also i don’t like blood so no knife kink.

incest (stepcest is exceptional.)

scat.

raceplay.

primal play.

THEMES I WILL WRITE FOR.

involving:

the certain readers I stated above. ^^

male characters and female characters.

father character x reader.

pregnancy. 

wedding.

establish relationships.

age gaps.

stoner stuff. getting high. weed/cannabis. only this drug.

mushrooms, shrooms.

drug abuse. only on weed. i would also add depression too but depends on the situation im writing.

pegging; fem x male & fem x fem.

stepcest. only.

anal; fem x male, male x male & fem x fem.

subby characters x dom reader.

dom characters x subby reader.

mommy/daddy kinks.

praise kinks.

piss/squirting kinks.

titty sucking.

cam!boy/cam!girl.

poly. and foursomes. and also poly relationships.

bondage. (tying up hands to the bedpost/behind back.)

somnophilia; having sex with someone thats sleeping. (depends on what I'm writing, for dark theme then it might be non-con but if there's an established  relationship then I say that consent was given in a conversation way beforehand.)

© garfieldsladybird 2022.

[turnways]

I'm not trying to say being a social media intern (unpaid or otherwise) isn't stressful I've literally been there (and obviously this is just based on my own experience)

but the whole "don't leave mean reviews or feedback to this corporation's post because an unnamed intern is going to have to deal with that" is such a ridiculous take.

Barring doxxing or making personal attacks on individual workers I promise you that 99% that that intern doesn't give a single shit. Unless they're really personally dedicated to the company they're working for and if they are then, whatever honestly. Don't get emotionally attached to a paycheck or college credit cuz that's all those jobs are.

And in terms of the "they have to deal with loads of mean comments and respondingto them" thing ,most of the time you don't even have to do anything about mean comments or responses besides delete clearly out of line ones. Like it's no less menial than doing anything else at a job. Sometimes given scripts to respond to people if you have to.

Also I think a lot of people assume anyone managing social media is even an underpaid/unpaid intern but depending on the company and it's size and also if the company itself is a social media brand (like Tumblr or Twitter or instagram) the task of managing the social media page and doing customer/user correspondence is probably reserved for someone with more experience and authority, not someone with little if not nothing to lose.

The people running these accounts (usually) know you're not making literal personal attacks on them

[futurewriter2000]

It's time to catch up with you again💜 I had several mental break downs in past few weeks but I'm dealing with it. It's mostly because of school because it's super stressful and I am extremely overwhelmed. And because I really NEED to focus on school and also on myself, I wanted to let you know that I'm going to take a break from social media. I'll delete Tumblr from my phone tonight so I hope that you'll answer before then... I also hope that you're still there when I'm back🤔💜 how r u? Luv u

Hey Boo. You do whatever it takes for your health.

I have been dealing with stress and school as well. Had an awful panic attact two weeks ago and I had to go to the hospital last friday but I'm doing fine for now. I have a doctors appointment on Friday, so fingers crossed he won't send me to psychiatrist or give me any pills. Cuz there is nothing wrong with me. Just stress and anxiety kicking in strong.

But he told me to do anything that relaxes me and opening up to people, so I am writing when I feel inspired , drawing, listening to music, dancing, tumblr, whatever relaxes me, I'm trying that.

My grades are good for now (except math bc I dont get that shit at all. I am so far behind). Worried about chem test I had today and germantest I have on Wednesday. And loads of things that are coming towards me. Like a fucking truck.

But you do you. Don't be a stranger, okay? I hope that everything will turn out smooth as butter and don't worry too much. You're smart, you'll make it far.

All the love 💜

[starryboyjae]

Important!!

Hola to all of my followers and mutuals,

I have been extremely inactive lately and yea, school is going to become very stressful as I'm going to be in year 10 (for everyone who doesn't live in England, yr 10 is like the beginning of hell and yr 11 is hell). I will probs still continue to be very inactive because even though I have a bunch of wips I won't be able to work on them properly until I acc have time.

I really want to focus on my studies and get good grades so my fics r on hold unless I have a burst of inspo and write.

This blog will probs only be me reblogging some stuff now and then.

To all my mutuals, I'm sorry that we've basically drifted away cuz I've rarely been on tumblr, I love u all so much and if y'all want my insta just ask me cuz even though I'm staying away from social media, it's easier to stay in contact via insta 💕

I am not deleting my account im just taking a vvvvv long break. Obviously, I will not be studying 24/7 (although I probs should) so I will be working on my wips but idk if I'll be able to update or post anything new for a while.

I understand if waiting for like 2 yrs is vvv long so if yall want to unfollow that's okay w me 💞

Thank u for waiting for me and I hope that u will wait for me to start writing again 💖

[jeuneoiseau]

so i started this account on the gram for all the cool things i see in this life and tbh its been such a stretch for me even though its kind of silly and not that big of a deal im learning about myself like ARE U STILL GUNNA DO U EVEN IF PEOPLE DONT LIKE IT OR DONT CARE EVEN IF IT MATTERS TO U?? HUH? ARE YOU GONNA OWN IT? So im like cool ok feel a little vulnerable could really use some words of aff and also be reminded that none of this really matters in the long run also i might delete all social media accounts one day dunno when but its been like my life challenge cuz i get annoyed with a lot of shit even tho there’s so much good shit also its 1:20am and im starving and have to pee but here i am laying in bed stressing about my minuscule art forms being exposed into the world of gram and now im writing this big fat run on sentence for any bored tumblr persons who may or may not stumble onto my emotional yet beautiful and non-aesthetic page i mean dont get me wrong it has aesthetics but life changes too much and feelings and tastes are too diverse to choose one style so basically ima keep doing me which is quite frankly a big beautiful mess also gonna go pee now bye

[dittadittoditty]

shout out to all my fellow peeps with ✨social anxiety✨ its literally so miserable! 💕💕 i’m having the WORST stomach + gas pains right now and im currently sitting on the toilet with DIARRHEA!!! do i have the flu? food poisoning? no no no!! 💖 this is ALL because my nervous system decided that interacting with other human beings (oh ESPECIALLY the ones i want validation from #growinguplonelytingz) is DANGEROUS!! it really looked at a basic human function, communication, and said “oh huehuehue! absolutely not! this is a self-destructive act and we will not tolerate such tom-foolery nor will we tolerate such a debauchery of OUR senses! we sneer at thee and turn away from mortal sins such as thine!” and then it activates my fight, flight, freeze function and i have a panic attack! ☺️ like! ok! now how has this helped me? i’m going to be forced to go to this event whether you make my ribs feel like theyre inverting or not. diarrhea is not going to stop me. nor is making me regurgitate my stomach and the contents of my large and small intestines. nor is making me shake like i’m a growth-stunted chihuahua in a freezer. you literally are just making this harder for BOTH!!! of us!!! for NO REASON!!!!!!!!!! and oh.....just wait till you hear about the fact that i get SUPER NERVOUS about not only the actual social interaction that prompts this anxiety, but also about having anxiety symptoms. so MY BODY makes me NERVOUS about SYMPTOMS that MY BODY CREATES!!! anyway, my social anxiety has been so miserable that now i avoid most human interaction. i have a few friends that i still talk to (because god bless: they text me first), but most people just STRESS ME OUT to no end and i can’t handle it. i deleted social media back in early november, so i’ve been off of it for about 7 months now (except for tumblr and pinterest hehe! but i don’t follow anyone i know on either of those so it isn’t stressful). back when i had it my anxiety was so bad that i couldnt eat anything and i lost a ton of weight. this happened a few weeks ago too but i have recovered from that. but, my anxiety is still running wild! 💖 i havent been able to sleep well in weeks! and when i do sleep, i have nightmares 70% of the time! yay! i shake all the time and constantly twitch and sometimes it’s really ✨awkward✨ because peeps are probably wondering “why is she like that” but its freaking CUZ OF THE FREAKING ANXIETY AND IM SO MAD BECAUSE I AM SHAKING AND HAVING DIARRHEA AS I TYPE THIS I FREAKING HATE THESE SYMPTOMS AND MY MOM DOESNT BELIEVE IN MEDICATION SO I CANT TAKE THEM AND I TRY TO USE COPING MECHANISMS BUT THEY DON’T WORK A LOT OF THE TIME OR I SIMPLY FORGET TO DO THEM OR DON’T DO THEM WELL BECAUSE OF THE WHOLE “I FEEL LIKE I AM CURRENTLY IN THE PROCESS OF DYING” THING ANYWAY THATS THE END OF MY RANT! I WILL BE COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS MORE AT A FUTURE TIME I CAN ASSURE YOU!

[miss-anthropyxx]

So I never deleted my Facebook like I was going on about, but I did pretty much completely stop checking it. I’ve been on it maybe 3 times in the last 3 weeks, and only went on it with an intent to find or do something specific really quick. It’s been nice but I does bother me a little thinking someone might try to contact me through there and I won’t see it. I’ve thought of writing a little post just announcing that I won’t be there anymore and to contact me another way, but I feel stupid and dramatic when I get to almost posting it and just delete it. I feel so self-conscious about anything and everything I post there.

But I’ve also been wondering if I should start to remove myself more from social media in general. Since not going on Facebook, I’ve definitely spent more time on tumblr, Instagram, and Snapchat. Tumblr is the biggest time-consumer though. Not to mention the hours I spend watching Netflix/Hulu. I just feel like I’m wasting so much time and I’m rotting my brain and my development as a person is stagnant and so on. And a lot of the things that irritate me about Facebook are just widespread on the internet (the heightened aggression, the superficiality, very biased or fake news, etc.). And I just feel like such a product of my generation and my environment in terms of constantly being connected, information overload, never really stopping to think about a specific subject and doing deeper thought/research on it and instead just moving on to the next headline, always distracted, attached to my phone, hardly ever just being alone with my thoughts, always multitasking, etc. I hate it and I feel like it’s making me sick. Getting off of Facebook is all well and good if I actually use that time for something better. Especially at a time where I’ve been depressed and stressed and not taking care of myself. I can spend hours looking at pictures of people I want to be like or places I want to go or things I want to do, or I could actually go be the person I envision myself being.

I know though that I can pull away as much as I want but that won’t change the paradigm I’m living in. Social media and the internet and phones will always completely surround me. I’ll continue to get phubbed by my boyfriend and friends, I’ll never be at a concert again that doesn’t have dozens or hundreds of phones stuck up above the crowd, I’ll never get my picture taken again without worrying about it getting posted online (cuz who the fuck takes pictures or videos just for their personal memory anymore lolz), etc.  

I feel like the only person my age that has such a problem with this stuff, haha. No one seems as bothered as I am, I feel like a cranky old lady. And I see the irony of using a social media platform to rant about social media, but journaling is one really positive thing I get out of here at least.