#I definitely want the final space team squad to be happy

[sadiecoocoo]

I’m ready for the RnM season finale… it’s taking too long ᕕ༼✿•̀︿•́༽ᕗ

Also final space is getting rlly sad and intense and idk if I can handle that… I might need to mentally prepare myself and take a break from it

Also I rlly wanna start watching Scott pilgrim cuz GOD DAYUMN that art style is just *chef’s kiss*

I’m in a real dilemma here gang

[starrylothcat]

Hello there! I absolutely love your writing, I often feel bad I’m constantly littering your notifications 👉🏼👈🏼

I’m not sure if you’ve done this but I would love a hunter x f!Jedi reader with spicy prompt “make me forget today” with either side being angsty.

In my mind the dynamic between the two is similar to codywan- really close but duty comes first. Could take place during clone wars or bad batch show, whichever you think would work best! Can definitely be NSFW, whatever you’re comfortable with.

And of course, feel free to pass if this ask isn’t for you. I completely understand! All the love! 💕💕

Conquest of Spaces

Pairing: Hunter x Fem!Jedi Reader

Summary: You and Hunter give in to one another, your hidden feelings set free. It’s something that you both know can’t continue, but when you meet again after Order 66, are you finally allowed to have what you’ve always wanted?

WC: 3600

Warnings: NSFW, 18+. PiV sex, angst, happy ending and Soft Hunter Bad Batch. Reader is a fem Jedi, looks not described and no pronouns used. Takes place before and after Order 66.

A/N: Never feel bad for spamming my notifications! Oh do I love me clone and Jedi angst. Thank you so much for the amazing prompt, I hope you enjoy it. It’s fluffy and angsty and hopefully kind of romantic? Lol 🥹👉👈

“Please make me forget today.” Those five words, spoken in broken desperation, sealed your fate. “Please.

You didn’t mean for this to happen, to allow feelings to bloom between the cracks. You tried plucking out the weeds, clearing those aggressively growing sentiments from your subconscious but they resurfaced stronger every time.

Your voice shook as you whispered those words in his ear, grasping onto his armor like it was a lifeline, you knew it wasn’t fair.

It was unjust to both him and yourself.

He could have said no, pushed you away.

You could have attempted to hold yourself together, to put on the in-control, strong Jedi facade one more time, though that mask was beginning to fracture.

You weren’t sure how much longer you could hold it up before it would shatter completely into dust.

You were assigned to work with him and his brothers often, building trust with the team that few others had.

You and Hunter shared a strong camaraderie, a fellowship forged by mutual respect and dedication to your roles in the Republic. Your ability to understand one another with just a glance, how perfectly you fit together, could not be denied.

You tried to disregard the growing lingering glances, the way his tone would soften when he addressed you, or how he frequently invaded your dreams.

You could tell he was restraining himself, too. He knew the risks, the dangers of letting emotions divert you from your defined roles in this war.

Maybe in a different life, you could have more, but not in this one.

You locked those feelings away, though it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore them.

It wasn’t until you returned to Kamino after a disastrous mission that you left that hidden chest of feelings unlocked, whether you did it purposefully or not.

You had lost most of your squad. It wasn’t your fault, but you were bearing the burden.

You had known Hunter was on Kamino for a short leave, and comm’d him to meet you. He was the only one you could talk to.

Hunter met you, knowing immediately something was wrong. Hunter listened to you speak, your words quickly coming out as quiet sobs, feeling lost. You were supposed to be a protector, a peacekeeper. You felt as if you were failing. You told him of all your uncertainties about the war, and how you didn’t feel like a protector when all you did was fight for something that seemingly had no purpose or end.

You don’t remember the exact timeline of events, but after you breathed those words, his arms were around you, pulling you into a firm embrace as you leaned against his armor.

He murmured that he understood, and the burdens of being a leader weighed heavy on him, too.

You had looked up at him, locking on to his honeyed eyes you often found yourself lost in, almost too gentle to belong to a born and bred warrior such as him.

Hunter’s face was so close to yours, that you could see the speckles in his cornea and edges of his tattoo where the ink had bled into his skin.

His musky, spicy scent overtook your senses right before his lips met yours.

Hunter’s lips were warm, his stubble lightly scratching your face as his tongue slid against your own, your previous tears now long dried.

He pulled away, giving you the chance to say something.

“If I’ve gone too far-“ He started, but was cut off as you pulled him back in, your body buzzed with a craving you didn’t realize was possible.

This kiss was more fervid, and desperate as he wrapped his gloved hand in your hair. You were weightless in his arms, your mind spun with excitement, guilt, desire, and regret.

You shouldn't be indulging in this, letting him whisk you off your feet as he carries you into a nearby weapons closet, his mouth nipping and licking at every pressure and pleasure point on your neck.

The door slid shut, mouths crashing together again, tugging off armor and robes alike as everything that had been built between the two of you was finally set free. The thin, fraying tether that was keeping your professional relationship and what you truly desired apart had finally snapped.

It was a moment of weakness for you both.

But neither of you stopped.

You didn’t know where either of you began or ended, bodies burning with need as he slid into you, his mouth leaving marks along your collarbone.

Hunter’s pace was rigorous, knowing you didn’t have much time. Even as he desperately pounded into you, his touches were generous and worshipful, almost like you’ve done this a million times before.

He knew exactly where to feel you, he knew exactly what you wanted and when you wanted it. He rasped between strained groans about how beautiful you were, and how long he’s been wanting this.

You didn’t respond, knowing if you did, it would make this situation even more complicated than it currently was.

All you could do was gasp his name, pulling him closer and closer to you, wishing that you could stay in this weapons closet for the rest of time, just you and him.

Afterward, as you lay sweaty and messy, awkwardly perched on a weapons locker, there was so much you wanted to say.

Instead, the words hung in the air with your heavy breaths as you quickly dressed.

You could feel Hunter’s eyes boring into your soul, not knowing exactly what to do next. Hunter broke the silence, speaking the words he knew he shouldn’t say, the utterance like blades piercing your heart.

“I love you.”

You bit your lip which was now trembling, tearing your eyes from his, unable to look at him.

“Hunter…”

Why did he have to say it out loud?

Guilt weighed in your gut, as heavy as durasteel, knowing you shouldn’t have given in.

You wanted to cradle his face, kiss him, run your fingers through his locks, and tell him you loved him too.

Of course you loved him. You’ve always loved him.

You wanted nothing more than to just be with him, but you both knew that was a fantasy.

The war was only becoming more devastating, more clones and Jedi were needed by the day to keep the peace.

Hunter was the one his brothers looked to for leadership. He couldn’t leave his squad, his family.

For you to be the perfect Jedi the Council wanted, you needed a clear conscience and a pure heart. That meant no selfish attachments to cloud your mind.

Hunter placed his thumb and forefinger under your chin, seeing your face darken at his words. He tilted your head toward him.

“I know you can’t say it back. But I want you to know.”

His lips met yours once more, chaste and restrained, before exiting the closet without looking back.

You almost called out to him, to return the forbidden words. Instead, you let him walk away.

It was the last time you saw him before the galaxy erupted into chaos a few short weeks later.

Everything you once understood, once thought to be true, was burned and spread with the ash of the Jedi Temple.

You narrowly escaped, losing contact with everyone and anyone, hiding on remote planet after remote planet, not staying in one place too long.

You thought of Hunter, nausea wrenching your gut. Was he alive? How many Jedi has he killed? Was he with the Empire now?

The thought of him pointing his blaster at you, his viroblade at your throat, the tender glint in his deep, brown eyes replaced with bloodlust made your stomach lurch.

It made you sick, wishing so desperately you would have told him you loved him, said it out loud. You wished you had not been afraid, tethered to the Jedi Code that now meant nothing.

As you wandered and hid, you found yourself holding your comm, wanting to contact Hunter.

You knew you couldn’t, but not knowing whether he was alive, dead, or worse, ate at your soul.

Whether it was The Force, cosmic fate, divine intervention, or pure coincidence, you would see Hunter again.

You caught wind of a smuggler offering credits for jobs on Ord Mantell, in desperate need of work.

When you saw Hunter and his brothers sitting at the bar in Cid’s seedy establishment, you thought you were dreaming, or stepping into a trap.

They just stared, just as shocked to see you.

You whipped out your blaster, memories of clones pulling their own blasters on you, firing without mercy as you begged them to stop as you barely made it alive out of the Temple.

“I-I don’t want to hurt you!” You stood your ground, trying to hide the fear in your voice.

No, no, no, no, this can’t be happening!

Hunter was the first to stand up slowly, your name leaving his lips in quiet surprise.

You gripped your blaster, waiting for the moment he drew his.

Tech stood up slowly next, raising his arms.

“We won’t hurt you.” Tech said. “The chips did not activate in us.”

“Chips? What chips? What are you talking about?”

Your blood was ice, stepping backward toward the exit.

“Please I don’t want to…“

Your finger hovered on the trigger, not knowing if you’d have to fight those who you once called friends, the man who you once loved, and still did.

Hunter examined you, as if not believing what he was seeing was real. Maybe you were a ghost. You sure felt like one.

Your eyes darted between them all, none of them reaching for their weapons.

Your body shook, tears in your eyes, never expecting to see anyone you knew ever again, especially not them. You slowly lowered your blaster as Hunter approached you, placing his hand on your wrist as your legs almost gave out from the adrenaline coursing through your body.

“Is it really you…?” You choked out, your blaster clattering to the ground. Hunter nodded, pulling you in close for an embrace, saying your name with such profound relief you could have fainted.

Hunter pulled away, his eyes swimming with emotion, as were yours. Before you could say any more, the rest of the squad were surrounding you.

You hugged them all, too, happy to see them alive, and not trying to murder you.

It was a bittersweet reunion, catching up on all that had happened once they convinced you they weren’t dangerous.

They explained everything.

The chips, the conspiracy, Crosshair, Omega.

Your mind spun, trying to process it all.

All the while, Hunter’s eyes never left yours in all the hours you sat at the bar.

There was so much you wanted to say, but it had to wait.

They invited you on their next mission with Cid, even offering a small cut of the credits when the job was completed.

You agreed, having no other option than to say yes, though it made you nervous to join them, especially since the Empire was already on their tail.

Adding an (ex) Jedi to the mix could make things messy.

They didn’t seem too concerned, as long as you didn’t make yourself obvious.

Hunter gave you a small smile, a knowing look in his eyes flashing momentarily, his hand coming to your shoulder as you stood up from the bar to head to The Marauder.

“I’m happy you’re coming with. We’ve…I’ve missed you.” Hunter spoke quietly.

“I’ve missed you too, Hunter.” He nodded, wanting to say more, but Echo was gesturing to him to go over the mission details.

He squeezed your shoulder. “See you on the ship.”

You stepped onto The Marauder, and not much had changed, besides Crosshair’s absence and Omega’s new corner of the ship that she proudly gave you a tour of.

As you took off from Ord Mantell, watching the planet get smaller as you ascended into the atmosphere, it felt like before, when things were more simple.

Eager for your next assignment, ready to serve the Republic and make the Council proud.

You sat in a blast chair, watching the boys talk and Omega peering over Hunter’s shoulder as he set the hyperspace coordinates.

It felt like old times. Almost.

The job was simple, at least that’s how Cid described it. You were to retrieve a package from an arms dealer who was expecting you in a small village of the heavily forested planet you were heading for.

You weren’t to meet him until the next day, so you had downtime the evening before.

Tech landed the ship in a small clearing on top of a hill, most of the planet thick with old-growth trees. A lake was nestled amongst the trees down the sloping hill a few klicks away.

The water reflected the sun that was almost set as two moons drifted into the sky to replace the star in the sky.

Tech and Echo were busy looking at the map, deciding the best way to get to the village the next day while Wrecker and Omega played a game of Dejarik. Hunter was quietly and diligently cleaning his blaster, sneaking glances at you as he did so.

Hunter was respecting your boundaries, not wanting to push you into anything too quickly. He wanted nothing more than to kick everyone off the ship, wrap himself around you, feel you against him, proving that you were indeed real. He assumed you were still weary of clones, which he didn’t blame you for. He was just happy you were alive, and safe. That was enough for him, if nothing else.

You knew he was looking at you while you were organizing your things. You desperately wanted to talk to him alone, about the last time you saw one another.

Did he still love you? Did he mean what he said? Could you even pick up where you left off, after all that’s happened?

You peered at the clones you shared the ship with, tears filling the sides of your eyes, memories flooding back to you of your time with them. It seemed so simple back then. But now…what were you? They were still clones but now untethered by what they were bred for.

You were free as well, though the Jedi Code still burned into your skull, finding it hard to forget. If you weren’t a Jedi anymore, then what were you?

“Are you okay?” Omega noticed you, your hands trembling.

You sniffed, quickly wiping your eyes. You could feel everyone’s eyes on you, especially Hunter’s.

“I…just need some air.” You stood up, shoving your pack under a blast chair. “I’ll be at the lake if you need me.”

You smashed the button to lower the ramp and headed out before it even touched the ground, before anyone could say anything to you.

Intense emotions swirled in your chest, briskly walking toward the serene water. The cool air of the evening calmed the ache in your being slightly, your hands still trembling.

The man you loved was in the ship behind you, and yet your footsteps led you further away from him. It was almost too much, suddenly being back with them, with him.

You roamed silently to the lake, sitting down near the edge of the water.

You closed your eyes, trying to meditate, focusing on your emotions. You honed in on the water lapping at the shore, the breeze rustling through the leaves, and the distant call of a nocturnal predatory bird.

You knew Hunter was there before he spoke.

“Everything is different now.” His voice was low. “It’s…still hard for me, too.”

You nodded, biting your lip, your eyes still closed.

“I tried to find you, to see if you were alive. But I didn’t want to risk endangering you.”

You slowly opened your eyes, focusing on him. He was looking right at you, his form illuminated by the glow of the moons.

“I didn’t know…I was afraid…” You stammered. “I wanted nothing more than to know if you were alive…I’m sorry that I never…” Your next words were caught in your throat as Hunter’s lips met yours, soft and loving. You were transported to your first kiss, all that time ago.

That ache in your chest was suddenly gone, replaced with a weightlessness only he could make you feel.

He pulled away almost as quickly as he leaned in.

He silently gazed at you, a hand coming to caress the side of your face.

You leaned into his touch, bringing your hand over his. “I never stopped thinking about you.” He whispered, his thumb tracing your cheek.

“Can I kiss you again?” He murmured.

“Yes.”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Soon, you laid out underneath him, your clothes a makeshift blanket under you on the shore of the lake.

Instead of in a cramped weapons closet, you were free in the evening air, the endless sky above you.

You took your time re-exploring each other’s bodies, relishing in languid pleasure as the moons hung heavy in the night sky.

Hunter did not leave an inch of your body untouched, bringing you to your peak over and over again with his hands and mouth, making up for the lost time.

When he was satisfied you were ready for him, he positioned himself on top of you, his hair hanging from his headband, haloing his face above you.

He slowly entered you, moans leaving both of your lips, your hands coming around his shoulders, welcoming the stretch as he sank into you. It was mind-melting pleasure, feeling him so close and real.

Hunter stopped once he was fully seated in you, dropping his head to your side.

“I still love you.” His lips were right at your ear, deep inside you, but not moving. Not yet.

You cradled his face, just as you wished you did all that time ago as he searched your eyes for an answer.

Part of him worried you had just made the same mistake as before, giving into your carnal desires when there was still so much uncertainty.

Was this something you should be doing, was it selfish to want one another when others were still suffering?

You kissed him gently, tears catching on your eyelashes, his worried thoughts evaporating with your touch.

“I’m sorry I never said it back.” You traced his tattoo with your fingertip, his eyes closing, relishing your touch.

“You couldn’t. I knew you couldn’t.” He muttered, his brows furrowed. “I shouldn’t have put you in that position…”

“We can now. We can say it.”

Hunter’s eyes opened, a gentle smile on his face. “Then say it.” He pressed his forehead to yours.

“I love you, Hunter. I always have.”

He smiled as he nuzzled the side of your face, the world melting away as he began to move, bodies entwined as one.

You were boneless and safe in his embrace as his fingers and lips molded to you perfectly.

His thrusts were slow and purposeful, his eyes never leaving yours.

Hunter touched you like before, like you’ve been lovers for 100 years, mapping your body so lovingly, so exquisitely, so perfectly.

He was afraid if he didn’t intricately memorize every curve and soft swell of your body, you might slip away again, and he wouldn’t get another chance.

You locked your ankles around his waist, changing the angle. Hunter let out a low whine, his head falling to your shoulder as your pleasure grew.

You were thankful for the slight breeze coming off the water, sweat forming on your bodies as your passion intensified.

You lightly tugged at his hair, his name leaving your lips in breathy mewls, his baritone moans thick with longing, dropping an octave as you clenched around him.

Hunter brought a finger to your clit, drawing tight circles, his thrusts hitting you in such a way you couldn’t discern the stars in your vision from the ones in the sky above.

Your fingernails dug into his muscled shoulder blades as your body arched toward him.

Hunter was drunk on your smell, your body, his senses absorbing every small sound.

Your intense arousal filled his nostrils, tasting your sweet skin as he left open-mouthed kisses on your neck.

Your body was on fire, overwhelmed by his tenderness, his devout passion, wordlessly telling you how much you meant to him.

“I’m right here, I have you.” Hunter rumbled, pressing his lips to yours, feeling your body tremble as you teetered on the precipice of your final orgasm. “I’ll always have you.”

He swallowed your pleasured sobs as you came, constricting and trembling around him, sending him over the edge.

Hunter let out a shuddered groan, pressing his hips into yours one final time, filling you with his release, his lips still on yours.

Your hands delicately roamed his back, your eyes fluttering open to meet his as he rested his weight on his forearms around you.

Your bodies stilled, trying to catch your breaths, the only other sound the tranquil waves splashing on the shore behind you.

You held on to one another, not wanting this moment to end. Hunter left feather-light kisses on your jawbone, leading to your lips, sliding his mouth to yours for an immensely passionate kiss.

The future was uncertain and unmapped, just as it was back when you were Jedi and soldier. You may have to take up your old roles once again, putting duty before all else.

You made peace with that, knowing how you felt for one another would only make you stronger, having something real to hold on to as you traversed into the unknown.

Taglist: @crosshairlovebot @blueink-bluesoul @kimiheartblade @wizardofrozz @clonemedickix @din-miller @sunshinesdaydream @kashasenpai @freesia-writes @multi-fan-dom-madness @coraex @aconstructofamind @dreamie411 @dystopicjumpsuit @starqueensthings @idontgetanysleep @secretthegriffin @anxiouspineapple99 @sinfulsalutations @secondaryrealm @littlemissmanga @maybethatfanfictionwriter @pb-jellybeans @wanderer-six @king-chaos-world @the-cantina @wolffegirlsunite @dukeoftheblackstar @523rdrebel @sleepingsun501 @wings-and-beskar

Dividers by @idontgetanysleep

[shadowthestoryteller]

TtFR Ch. 7 Gates of the Beyond

Finally. It is time. All of OtaGS and OtRaTtW led to this. The gang finally made it to the portal, and what a portal it is! Fun fact, Quemari is a play on "Quesar", which is what you call a supermassive black hole that feeds on space gas in distant galaxies. Meanwhile, cool portals aside, seems Hunter is (as usual) jealous of Crosshair getting affection over him while it seems like trouble is brewing with regards to the aftermath of Trust Shattered. Will this cause angst in the future? Well, I'm the one writing this story, so of course :D

Big thanks to my patrons Dragon, Jesse, and Lil! All patrons get content two weeks early! 

CW: Language, jealousy, non-explicit sexual content, sexual teasing

Masterlist

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It’d been quiet for a while, but earlier he could hear faint laughter drifting through the cockpit doors. Which was good. It showed that Crosshair had in fact accepted Shadow’s presence, which meant their relationship was definitely on the road to recovery. 

But the subtle yet recognizable smell that drifted into the cockpit… 

That was something else entirely.

Crosshair really hadn’t gotten to see that side of Shadow like Wrecker and Hunter himself had, and was no doubt trying to catch up, so the sergeant tried to not feel too jealous. But Hunter would be lying if he said it didn’t rub him the wrong way seeing Shadow and Crosshair more or less fast track what took him days to build up to. Shadow was more comfortable now, yes, and Hunter himself had claimed a decent amount of firsts with them. Namely marking them as his before any of his brothers could, not to mention he was the first one they kissed even if it was just on the cheek. But he wanted to make Shadow feel good in the more intimate way that Crosshair was clearly doing. 

“You are pouting again.”

Hunter glared at Tech, tightly gripping the arms of the seat. “I am not poutin’.”

Tech rolled his eyes. “Yes, and I am not a soldier of the GAR. Honestly, Hunter, I am surprised you remain in denial of your obvious jealousy.”

Don’t you have anything better to do?

“Stow it, Tech.” Hunter sunk down into his seat, folding his arms over his chest. “Shadow’s happy and Crosshair is warmin’ up to ‘em. That’s all that matters.”

With Crosshair now freely showing Shadow affection, the squad could all advance with them as the Realm Walker grew more comfortable and open to physical affection. No longer would Shadow feel as if they tread on thin ice in order to keep Crosshair happy, which would help in other areas, not just intimacy. There was the squad trust to consider, and it was easier to fight as a team when you knew where you stood with each of them. 

“You are still distressed, regardless of their progress together and perhaps your agitation stems from that very progress.” Tech spun in the chair to face him. “Instead of moping around.”

Hunter gave him another glare. 

“You could talk to them about what is upsetting you. Openness in all aspects is key with Shadow, lest you make the same near-fatal mistake as Crosshair did.”

“Squeak’s very understandin’!” Wrecker said, lounging in a seat with his arms crossed behind his head. “They’re doin’ their best to give us all equal affection, I know they are!”

“Never said anything about ‘em not bein’ equal,” Hunter remarked.

“Shadow technically cannot give us equal affection,” Tech countered. “Aside from the imbalance of one versus four, we desire different amounts of romantic affirmation. I myself do not need constant reassurance.”

“And I do?” Hunter grumbled. 

Tech gestured to his crossed arms. “I thought that was obvious.”

“Don’t worry, Sarge!” Wrecker said, punching Hunter’s chair. “You can have Squeaky bunk with you tonight since you’re upset!”

“I am not upset,” Hunter growled through clenched teeth as he regained his balance. 

“False,” Tech said. “You are showing obvious signs of jealousy.”

Fine, so what if I am?!

He hadn’t gotten to cuddle, really cuddle, with Shadow since the first night on the trail. There had been some instances, yes, but those had all been to comfort the Realm Walker after some fallout. There’d been no cuddling for the sake of cuddling. Even the first trail night didn’t really count as they went to sleep soon after. He wanted a nice long cuddle session with them. Shadow was doing their best, he knew, but it was clear the Realm Walker had a favorite right now and it wasn’t him. 

No, Crosshair currently held that honor. 

While the pair of commandos got along now, and trusted each other with their lives, rivalry still ran deep between Crosshair and Hunter. Starting back in their cadet days, when Crosshair resisted any and all authority including Hunter himself, the pair had a rough beginning that only grew worse when Hunter was named the leader and not Crosshair. It was only after years of training together and even a few close calls on their first missions that the two men began to see eye to eye. 

Seeing Shadow now constantly pick Crosshair over Hunter himself? It reopened old wounds. Wounds that Hunter did not blame Shadow for in the least, yet the animosity remained all the same despite his best efforts to quell it.

“You are not being fair to Shadow,” Tech said, as if he could hear Hunter’s thoughts. The sergeant honestly wondered sometimes if the engineer actually could. “They are trying to keep all four of us happy. Which, may I remind you, is no easy task.”

“I’ve led this squad long enough to figure that out,” Hunter said dryly.

“Then extend some grace towards Shadow. They’re trying.”

“Squeak’s just trying to mend things with Cross!” Wrecker said with a smile. “Don’t worry!”

Continue on Wattpad!

[helenaheissner]

Love During Robot Fighting Time: Chapter 12

Hello, lovelies! Hope y'all are doing well :)

Don't forget you can read three chapters ahead on this story, twenty chapters ahead on "A Dream of Summer Rain", and two chapters ahead on "Magical Girl Exorcist Squad", by becoming a paid subscriber on my Substack or my Patreon!

***

Faith

12 Months earlier

I stood with my hands jammed into my pocket, Olivia putting her hand on my shoulder and Zeke glaring at Calloway across the stage. I made eye contact with Calloway briefly while he mugged for the camera, Marty keeping him busy as he talked about how he’d ‘annihilated us.’

“-But yeah, that’s why I’m gonna win the championship this year,” Calloway said with a smug grin plastered to his stupid face. 

“You are definitely becoming a favored underdog, but so are your opponents,” Marty pointed out. “Aren’t you worried about Team Dai Gurren coming back with a vengeance?”

“No, I think one-shotting them tonight was a good indicator of the quality-gap between us,” Calloway said. 

I grinded my teeth together as the microphone was brought over to us. Olivia, bless her, took point for the interview.  “So, what happened tonight?” Marty asked. 

“Calloway definitely took us by surprise- we had no idea Polyphemus was that fast, or that it could hit that hard,” Olivia said diplomatically.

“And what about your own performance?”

“I mean it wasn’t much of a performance, was it?” Olivia said with an awkward laugh. “We didn’t get out the gate fast enough, and Calloway got a lucky shot in-”

“Cheap shot,” I said under my breath. Calloway had sprinted right for us the instant the fight started, faster than any of us were prepared for. Olivia started to swerve out of the way, but that just meant Polyphemus’ ax caught us on our right wheel axis and severed the tires clean off. Along with our break wires. We wound up careening directly into the screws, not able to stop while we got caught under it and then got counted out. 

“A lucky shot,” Olivia insisted. 

I spaced out the rest of the interview, stewing in frustration as my ill-fitting clothes swung around the body I hated. The team and I hauled our amputee victim of a bot back into the pits, where, surprise surprise, we found Calloway humming and working on his machine. 

“Hi,” he chirped. “Great fight, guys!”

“You already won, there’s no need to be passive-aggressive,” I snarled. 

“I’m not being passive-aggressive, I just had a good time,” Calloway said, furrowing his brow. He stepped forward, away from his work station and towards ours. 

Olivia stood behind me, already zoning into work. I wanted to as well, but I couldn’t get my mind off of this Calloway being a raging tool one minute and a happy little himbo the next. 

Zeke put himself between Calloway and I, grabbed Calloway by the shoulders and stared directly at him. “Dude. You’re giving off real mixed signals. Dial it back. And give us all some space. Please.”

Calloway… Blinked. Then he looked away, down at his shoes. I cocked (heh. Cock) my head in confusion while I watched the scene play out. 

“Okay,” Calloway said in a soft, quiet voice. 

“Good,” Zeke said, letting go of his shoulders and turning around. 

I watched Calloway stand there another moment. He seemed to refuse to make eye contact with me, and finally, after a moment, he turned around and went to work on his machine. 

Finally, I did the same.  

Always last to act. 

***

Now

I slid back against the surface of the wall and sobbed. I’d read the signs, because they were loud and clear even to me, so I made myself leave. I hiked around to the back parking lot and just… Just… 

I didn’t even make it back to my car before I started crying. 

He liked her. And she clearly liked him. Why the hell wouldn’t she? I certainly couldn’t blame her. The only one I could blame was myself for waiting too long. 

I thought back to the night Calloway… Kate gave us our first defeat. I still got mad about that fight sometimes, still got annoyed at myself for losing to cheap shot like that, still got annoyed at Olivia for not moving fast enough. But that wasn’t the point; the point was that… When Zeke had put himself between me and Kate, when my own girlfriend wouldn’t do the same… That was the moment I started becoming attracted to him. And looking back on it… It was probably the same for Kate.

I always waited too long. I could have come out in high school or college, transitioned younger. I could have been competing in robotics younger too. 

I could have told Zeke how I felt about him any time in the past year.

So why the hell hadn’t I? Because I wanted him to do everything for me? 

I buried my face in my hands and wept, feeling my makeup running off my visage while the warm night air of late June grew colder around me. 

“You okay?” 

I yanked my hands away from my face and looked up, where, to my horror, Olivia stood. “Do I look okay?” I said bitterly. 

“No, you look like you’re in an absolute state,” Olivia said. 

“Still not one to mince words, I see,” I said. 

“It’s part of my charm,” Olivia said. 

“Yeah. Sure it is.”

“Ouch,” Olivia winced. 

“... Sorry, I just…”

“May I sit?”

“Yeah, yeah, go ahead,” I said. 

She sat next to me on the grass pressing against the outer wall of the building. “So, are you just broken up about losing tonight, or is this about me-”

“No, to both,” I said. 

“Is it Zeke?” Olivia asked. 

“...”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Olivia said. 

“What does?” I asked, dreading the answer. 

“You like him,” Olivia said. 

“... Am I that obvious?” I said, my chest deflating. 

“No, actually you’re not,” Olivia said. “It was just something I picked up on from the way you two have been interacting this year. Plus, you gush about him on instagram sometimes, posting pictures of the two of you together… I kinda just figured you were already dating, to be honest.”

“We’re… Definitely not,” I said. “There’s… There’s someone else. A girl named Kate. And Zeke has been spending all his time with her lately. They’re spending time together right now, actually. Getting real close and cuddled up. I made a retreat because I… Didn’t wanna be a third wheel.”

“That’s… Honestly shocking to hear,” Olivia said. 

“What, that I actually had the social intuition to make myself scarce?”

“No. Well, yes. But also, that he’s interested in someone else.”

“You’re joking, right?”

“No, I’m not. Zeke followed you around like a lovesick puppy even when he thought you were a boy. You asked him to join our team and he said yes without even having to think about it. He was instantly supportive when you came out- which is certainly more than I can say. Plus… He’s incredibly protective of you, dresses up and dances with you when you two win fights… That’s all a lot for someone who just sees you as a friend.”

I blinked rapidly, a million interactions taking on a new context as the final proverbial horse crossed the finish line. “Dammit.”

“The question, though, is- does he know you like him?”

“I… I mean I’ve never told him directly-”

“Then he doesn’t know.”

“What do you mean he doesn’t know- if it’s so obvious-”

“Because- and I feel like you already know this, but I’ll just give you a reminder- most guys who were, ya know, raised by parents, constantly get the message drilled into them that just because a girl hangs out with them doesn’t mean she’s into them romantically. And Zeke’s parents, if you recall… Well they tend to assume the worst. Always.”

“God, they really do,” I said, clenching my jaw and speaking through my teeth. 

“So, if you haven’t told him, and he hasn’t done anything that would indicate he knows… He probably just assumes you only see him as a friend. I mean, hell- does he even know you’re into guys?”

“...”

“Have you ever been watching a movie or a show together and been like ‘wow that guy is super hot?’ Just to, like, get the information out there that you’re into fellas?” Olivia asked. 

I said, “No, because he has low self-esteem and I don’t want him to feel insecure and oh goddammit he has literally no idea. The possibility that I like him back has probably never even occurred to him.”

“And this Kate girl, I’m guessing she’s a bit more on the direct side?”

“I think so, yeah,” I said, bunching my legs together and squeezing them against my chest. “She was the one who asked him out earlier this week, and she’s the one who started cuddling up to him a few minutes ago… Dammit. I just… I kept waiting for him to make the first move because it sounded so… Nice! Being the one who gets courted for once-”

“‘Courted’ wow, you really are old fashioned, aren’t you?”

“Apparently, yeah,” I said. “It just seemed… Affirming.”

“Fair enough. But you gotta admit, with Zeke specifically… That probably wasn’t the best course of action.”

I nodded. “What should I do?”

“Are you seriously asking me of all people for advice about your boy problems?” 

“... I see your point.”

“That being said, I do wanna make things up to you, given how awful I was,” Olivia said, cracking her knuckles. “Way I see it, you got two options: option one- tell Zeke how you feel, and put the ball in his court. He and this Kate girl have only started getting close to each other in the past week, that means it’s all still new enough that there’s no guarantee it will last. If you’re lucky, he sees the whole situation as a case of the girl he’s actually loved the whole time finally telling him you can be together, and he breaks it off with the girl who’s, yeah sure, new and exciting and forward, but whom he doesn’t have as strong a connection to.”

“And if I’m not lucky?” I asked. 

“Oh, he decides that you waited too long to tell him, that it’s not cool to wait until he’s found someone else to spring this on him. It’ll probably make things horrifically awkward between you two, which is, uh, not great in the middle of tournament season.”

I sighed and looked up, trying to peer through the smog and light pollution blocking out the stars. “What’s option two?”

“Do nothing,” Olivia said, standing up and facing me. “Say nothing. Keep all of this to yourself. Swallow your feelings till they go away on their own. It’ll take a while, and it will hurt, but… If you really care about him, you’ll want him to be happy on his own terms. Even if it’s with someone who’s not you. Be honest with me- are you okay with that?”

“... I wanna say yes. I really wanna say yes,” I said, my guilt and shame a dumpster fire burning inside my chest and releasing noxious fumes.  

“You need to do better than that,” Olivia said. “If you’re not sure, then you’re gonna drive yourself crazy by not telling him. Especially if she’s not a good fit for him. Do you think she is?”

“I… Also wanna say yes to that, but to be honest, me and this girl don’t have a great history. We’ve been patching things up lately but… Not a great precedent.”

“That certainly complicates things,” Olivia said. She offered me a hand up, and I took it. “But you’re smart. You’ll figure it out.”

“Thanks,” I said. “For everything.”

“Just doing what needs to be done,” Olivia said with a smile. “I should probably get back to my team, finish up repairs for the night. You take care of yourself- and let me know if you need a shoulder to cry on about all this!” 

“Will do!”

And with that, I watched her walk away from me again, but this time… I was okay with how we left things. 

I sat there a few more minutes, then wiped off my messy makeup and looped back around to the Calloway clan and the man I pined for. Kate had changed clothes- I assumed her mom had brought a dress for her and that was what she’d gone to get. She and Zeke were standing next to each other with very little spacing separating them, but at least they weren’t cuddling anymore. 

Kate leaped towards me and said, “Faith!”

“Hey,” I said, “You’re in a better mood.”

“Yeah,” she smiled, radiating a palpable warmth and giddiness, her eyes shimmering in the light of the streetlamp above. “Can I hug you?”

“Uh… Sure?” I said, wishing to God I’d said no. 

She wrapped her arms around me and giggled. “I’m trans, Faith. I’m trans!”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that,” I said. She wasn’t letting go of me, but her hug was… Not unpleasant. Her happiness was almost infectious. “Good for you.”

“Thanks. And, uh, I was wondering if you could help me with something?”

“... Depends on what it is.” Please don’t say ‘advice about Zeke’, I am begging you to say literally anything else-

“Can you help me with my voice?”

“Oh, uh… Sure. Yeah, I can do that.”

“Eeeee! Thank you thank you thank you so so so much!” she said, exuberance pouring through her and into me. She pulled away from the hug and looked me in the eyes, smiling wider than I’d ever thought possible, a smile that wasn’t a sneer or a smug grin or one that was in any way, shape, or form punchable. She was just… Happy, and pure. She was… Adorable, honestly. 

Her face was very close to mine- I don’t think she even realized it, given how bad she’d always been about personal space. But I had to admit it, she was cute, and the look Zeke was giving her told me he was thinking the same thing. 

Dammit.

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Passion Project (3/4)

Summary:

“Ignoring Hange Zoe had become a little passion project he allowed himself to indulge in, in between expeditions and quietly mourning unnecessary deaths in the battlefield.”

Levi tries to ignore Hange but it never seems to last. A ficlet detailing the development of Levi and Hange’s relationship before canon.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Link to other chapters: 1 2 4

Despite having recovered enough, Levi wasn’t permitted to join their next expedition outside the walls.

For assurance. Keith had said.

One day you might just be humanity’s hope. Erwin had added. We don’t want you worsening any of your recent injuries.

Levi had no problem with putting weight on his left ankle nor did he even have trouble, tightening his ribs as he bent forward. He experimented on those old injuries more than enough times to be sure. In fact, when he was all alone in the barracks, he found himself looking for a forest to practice with the ODM gear.

Shift your weight a little forward so you won’t use too much gas.

When you dash, make sure to tense your back. Try to curl it a bit as you move forward.

Only after the initial dash can you relax.

She had been right. By just changing where he shifted his weight, how he positioned his back and by just keeping in mind at which moments up he should tense up or relax, he was able to make the whole process of sailing through the air in ODM gear a little easier. He could not tell then, but he might have even been going faster.

The scenery changed too fast around him as he zipped through the trees. Contours around him quickly blurred into hazy afterimages so quickly and so unfamiliarly Levi could easily pretend he was elsewhere. He could pretend he wasn’t letting out pent up frustration at his inability to do much for the survey corps but watch from the crowds as the gates of Wall Rose opened up to Wall Maria territory and then outside Wall Maria, titan territory and as his fellow soldiers disappeared outside the walls.

The exercises in the forest only acted as a temporal reprieve. Levi could have been practicing for almost a whole day by the time the cannister lightened to an almost dangerous weight.

Levi hurriedly landed before gravity did the job for him. At the same moment, his senses started to get used to the mundane surroundings of the forest once again, Levi started to welcome, albeit unwillingly, the pent up frustrations, the tensions and something else.

Hange was out on the expedition as well and Levi reminded himself only a while ago that she was still there in the small pieces of advice that lingered in his mind as he dashed from tree to tree.

She wouldn’t die that easily. Levi assured himself. She was the one after all who had given that same advice which had him so freely zipping through even the most aberrant trees.

Probably won't be able to maneuver as well as you though.

Levi’s stomach dropped as he recalled that passing comment from Hange. It brought to light once again the stark reality of being part of the survey corps. Any one of them can die anytime and Hange was no exception.

He found himself grateful to the black tea she had given and the past self that had given in to her incessant pleas for some extra one-on-one training. For the first time, he found himself grateful for her having taken the initiative to approach him every single time.

He didn’t believe in any god. Regardless, in the middle of the dark forest, he leaned on one of the wider tree trunks, looked to the starry sky and prayed. He prayed that somehow, every training session he had given her would amount to something.

God knows she might just need it.

                                Passion Project

For almost a few hours, Levi actually believed Hange could have been dead.

Word recently reached the barracks that the survey corps had just come back from their mission. Soon after that, chaos ensued, so much chaos that that had been his first conclusion. It was as if his mind just wanted to rationalize the worst case scenario which came with the unpredictable and almost unintelligible chain of events.

It turned out his worst case scenario wasn’t actually the worst case scenario that the chaos had brought with it.

Wall Maria had fallen and refugees were coming into Wall Rose by the hundreds of thousands. The barracks were deeper into Wall Rose though and word had only come to Levi when the deed had already been done. Hundreds of thousands had been killed. The culprits have disappeared and the crown made the executive decision to surrender Wall Maria to the titans.

Levi did not see the refugees first hand until a day after he received the news. He had gotten a bit curious though and went to the main road one day to see hopeless faces in carts en route to Wall Sina, possibly the underground city.

No. Definitely the underground city. None of the higher ups from Wall Sina would have let refugees live above ground there after all.

Soon after he caught wind on the outrageous turn of events and when his mind finally came to terms with the unfathomable disaster that had just occurred, the survey corps finally arrived from their mission and had settled into the barracks.

They had apparently gotten caught in one of the refugee camps in the outer districts of Wall Rose which delayed their homecoming.

To Levi’s relief despite the overwhelming chaos he had found himself caught up in, Hange came back home alive, uninjured and safe. He didn’t even have the mental or emotional space to be relieved for too long though. The topsy-turvydom that came with the fall of Wall Maria set up with it, a chain of events even within the survey corps that left Levi unable to consider Hange’s state.

At least, for a while.

                                     Passion Project

Within the next month, the Survey Corps underwent some major restructuring as the sector assigned with the almost impossible task of taking back the wall. Levi was transferred to a mainly combat role as soon as his injuries were deemed healed and suddenly Hange was not around as much anymore.

It should have been a comfortable reprieve from the loud brunette.

It never felt like one though, and Levi found himself wondering what she was doing during his own downtimes having busied himself with training and eventually having to train new recruits. After a few months though, the repetitive ODM training of the other members assigned to combat started to bore him and Levi spent what was supposed to be his training time, doing his own research on where Hange may have been assigned.

He was aware he could have easily asked Erwin or Mike. God forbid anyone thought I actually cared about that four eyes. Levi thought to himself as he instead decided to classify that research as part of the passion project, he had abandoned months ago.

He couldn't teach her about real life if he couldn't get to meet her right? He wouldn’t be able to teach her about ODM gear tricks he learned. Soon he even found out, he hadn’t even caught up with her on the latest improvements he had made to his own fighting style thanks to her feedback.

Unbelievably, he was starting to get a bit interested in what had gotten her so occupied. She had done a complete 180. Months ago she probably would have been the one to take the initiative.

A new role? A new passion project? A lover? He did remember she mentioned having proposals sent off to Erwin. He found himself threatening no one in particular, thinking to himself that the research better be worth something if she had so willingly changed her personality for it.

His own personal research on the whereabouts of Hange turned out to be a little unnecessary though because soon enough, Erwin was named the new commander of the Survey corps. Levi quickly rose to the rank of Captain and he was begrudgingly happy to find out that Hange had also recently been promoted to the squad leader for research and logistics.

Leadership meetings and strategy meetings every week meant that once again, the two soldiers were seeing each other on a regular basis. That also meant, Hange had gotten back into the habit of enthusing about some new combat strategy or some new invention she was developing with a conveniently placed yet a seemingly disinterested Levi.

Levi noticed as well that with her rise to a higher position, Hange started to open up a bit. A whole team had become an object and an audience to her rants. He only started to notice then that outside of the both of them, she had made some good bonds outside of what they shared.

There was one blonde in particular who followed her everywhere more often and it turned out he was her second in command, Moblit. Hange had pointed out that she had been friends with Moblit for longer than that.

Then why did he only notice Moblit now? Why was his mind suddenly racing in so many different directions at once, analyzing Hange’s warm interactions with her new found family and her second-in-command in particular?

She was taking care of her team and she was asking them the same questions with that same enthusiasm she had given him over tea so many times before. He couldn’t help but conclude that there was an inflation of kindness on her end, a Hange-flation. She was suddenly friendly to everyone, suddenly a parental figure to the recruits under her. Levi started to wonder of their long nights over had been anything special or if they were just a little convenience Hange had indulged herself in

And that’s how it’s supposed to be. Levi was supposed to be celebrating that development if he did care about her. He decided to let that green-eyed monster keep him company for a while longer though because it was just that much easier than letting it go.

At least the titans never had that problem Levi thought to himself that one night as he pondered the changes of their relationship.

During meetings, when she did alternate between enthusing about it with Moblit or him, he would notice her eyes never glimmered or sparkled at any one of them in particular. Her eyes were constantly smiling, her face was constantly turned up. It was at the mention of that one word which peppered all their conversations though where the sparkle in her eyes had been most apparent.

Titans.

At three in the morning, unable to sleep, Levi found himself envying those mindless eating giants for having such a lasting effect on Hange. And that envy actually had him more than eager to cut each and every single one of their napes during missions.

And eventually, those conflicting feelings brought him back to her. Within a year’s worth of expedition, Levi was deemed their strongest and fastest soldier and at Erwin’s orders ended up cooperating with Hange to test whatever new invention her squad came up with.

Did that type of metal pierce into titan skin?

Can the flash bomb made with this material actually blind titans?

Can the sound grenade deafen the titans?

The first of what was said to be many experiments consisted of Levi jumping down from on top of Wall Rose pelting titans with whatever latest invention they had while Hange’s assistants took notes.

Seven titans had swarmed that area of the wall and despite being surrounded by all of them, Levi did not feel at all that his life was in danger. In fact, he had actually felt a little more pressure from hearing Hange’s excited screams more than anything else.

“Can you check if this new material over here makes it easier to slice a titan’s nape?”

How the hell was he even supposed to test that? “Yeah I guess?” Levi answered. He killed two titans for that experiment and the movement had been too quick and too routine for Levi to consider such a subtle nuance in the titan killing process.

Even from more than ten feet below, as he held on to the wall by the cables of his ODM gear and the balls of his feet lightly planted on the surface, he recognized her disappointment when he answered in the way she narrowed her eyes and the way she kept silent for a few more seconds, a stark contrast to the excitable tone she maintained as they made their journey to the walls on Trost District.

I’ll try this myself next time then. Her voice was notably softer when she said it. Her voice though had a low timbre to it which made it recognizable and easy to listen to even a few feet down below. When he overheard it, he was also on his way back up to drop the proto-type blades Hange had wanted checked.

“Give me the rest of the fucking weapons you want to test.”

Testing the sound grenade and the flash grenade were easy. In fact, the hardest part for Levi had been making sure the titans stayed alive to witness both. Killing all of them on the spot had been the easier and more tempting option.

As soon as the smoke cleared at least and Levi scaled back up the walls, he heard the howls of excitement from Hange and he was sure he hadn’t disappointed then at least.

“Great job Levi! It looks like we might be able to use the sound grenade by our next mission,” Hange said, reaching out to high five Levi as he reached the top of the wall.

Levi ignored that. Go high five a titan instead. He wouldn’t have dared say that out loud though. For fear that Hange might just take that comment seriously.

Instead, he willed himself to avoid her gaze which he felt followed him and could even confirm from his peripherals as he sat back down on the wall a little exhausted having tested their three inventions of the night.

As he listened to the carefree way she rattled off observations and exchanged ideas with Moblit and her other squad members, he thought for a moment about the implications of humoring Hange and letting her indulge in her passion project. He quickly justified it though. It was Erwin their commander after all who had lightly suggested they cooperate in the development of new weapons given both their talents.

Orders are orders. Levi shrugged.

That night ended with them walking back to the Trost barracks with Hange next to him raving non-stop about Levi's skill then raving to Moblit about the improvements she would make.

That night, Hange served that same black tea, that same royal brand she had bribed him with their first tea night, a welcome sequel to other memories long ago.

And the routine of Levi and Hange from long ago had been revived, despite both their positions in the military. Although the experiments replaced their training sessions from their first years in the survey corps and most nights they were joined by Hange’s squad. Levi saw consistency in the black tea she served him after every single night of experiments without fail. He saw it as well in the later hours of the night when her team retires for the night.

During those short three hour long rests when it was just the two of them talking as if they were rookies again, Levi was at least reminded that she still saw value in interacting with him, even if he was probably second to the titans.

                                 Passion Project

Within a year or so, the survey corps had developed enough weapons and enough of a reputation.  Levi was given an opportunity to select team members for a special operations squad and his responsibilities only grew from there and his time for experiments dwindled.

He did miss the nights experimenting on titans with the research and development team and the nights spent just listening to the development team discuss the changes they were going to make for their weapon of the week.

The new developments within the survey corps and the new responsibilities Levi was given though had him distracted. There were even days that he did not think of Hange beyond the occasional collaboration work with the research and logistics squad

That establishment of the special squad gave Levi the opportunity to branch out from his confusing relationship with Hange. He slowly grew into the role of captain and started to care for each member of his team personally.

He couldn't help but notice something missing through the small details, particularly in the way they interacted with him. They called him "captain." They never forgot their please's and thank you's when talking to him. They never ordered anything from him.

They wouldn’t, I’m their captain. Oddly though, Levi started to miss Hange's ridiculous demands with little care for his time and convenience.

WIth Hange’s station so close to his, he had little excuse not to pay a visit every now and then. And he made sure to pay those visits.

Hange had busied herself with new titan research and the long nights with black tea had dwindled to a weekly or every-other-week occurrence. A much less frequent event from back when they were rookies. It was for good reason. They both had their own teams to manage after all.

Most of the conversations though started to shift to questions on titans then crackpot theories after. They were still as close as ever or that was at least what Levi wanted to believe. He couldn’t help but note though the wonder in her eyes and the way she would stare at nothing in particular, especially in those moments.

“Why do you like them so much?” Levi had asked one day, when the discussion of titans and her overly enthusiastic expression left him a little more self conscious than usual.

Hange locked eyes at him for a good few seconds before looking elsewhere, possibly trying to grasp for the right words. In the few seconds that she was looking at him, Levi at least caught it and had the time to appreciate it.

“Well… They’re interesting. They’re mysterious.”

The interestingness and the mysteriousness of titans was what grabbed Hange’s focus most days. When Levi showed up at her HQ or her research lab for their bimonthly tea dates, he would always have to pick her up in the lab. And that was one of the reasons why he had been the witness to the source of Hange’s passion

Some nights the passion had Hange a little obsessed, a little crazy and ignoring her basic needs. Moblit brought her dinner every night so he never had to worry about her food intake the days he did visit. One thing Moblit had trouble doing was taking her in for a bath.

And Levi made it his duty at least to make sure Hange had a weekly bath. Even if he had to knock her out to do it.

Even while in the bath, Hange continued to ramble on about titans. Some topics were rehashes others were new. Of course they’re mysterious and interesting. The fact that she could come up with a new topic every time was a testament to just that.

For some reason, Levi started to wonder whether or not he was interesting and mysterious too.

                                    Passion Project

One year into the formation of his new squad, Hange proposed a new plan.

"Let's capture a titan!"

It was a breath of fresh air to finally hear someone demand something while at the same time completely disregarding social norms and military standards. More importantly, it was a breath of fresh air that knocked some sense back to him, reminding him of his passion project that had been on hiatus for a long while.

Levi was the strongest soldier in the survey corps if not the strongest soldier humanity had to offer. Under him, he had a competent group of soldiers that would have been more than enough to capture the titans Hange would need for her research. His support would have also fast tracked the approvals from Erwin.

Levi was aware of all that and thus, completely understood why Hange was so insistent that he cooperate with her in the first place.

As an individual, he did want the excuse to spend more time with Hange. As a captain, while the plan was immature, he had to consider the welfare of his own squad. As a self-proclaimed close friend of Hange, did he really want to capture her a titan so he had more of an excuse to ignore him than what they already had? If he did capture her a titan, would he ever be able to see her again?

Outweighing the costs and the benefits, Levi went for ‘no’ which had won by a landslide in his mind.

That request, his new status and his musings all brought him back to his passion project of a few years ago. That project became his inspiration once again as he braced himself for the whining and begging he had almost missed.

For a while, Levi was worried that she would attempt to bribe him with black tea leaves.

Hange proved to be a soldier of honor though. It was as if they both silently understood and agreed, the lives of Levi's special squad and any soldier who would be involved in the capture process would not have been worth that black tea.

                                         Passion Project

Once again, she was talking to him like she hadn’t ignored him for her other research so many times the past few years.

Of course she’s talking to me. It’s for fucking titans.

The motivation behind the sudden regular messages she’s been sending through Moblit and the regular visits she made to his headquarters would have been a welcome sight any other day. He saw the reasons behind it though and any positive emotions that could have been felt from that were soured by his speculations on her motivations alone.

Scrambling for something more positive out of it, Levi went back to what his past self knew best. Ignore Hange. And just imagining that unwavering steady relationship she had with the titans made that all the easier. It was not like she would care anyway if he ignored her.

He had ended up tuning her out all the way until their next expedition with plans to ease the silent treatment by the start of the next expedition. He had hoped the excitement of starting the 49th expedition would have distracted her enough from her titan capturing plans.

It turned out to have only gotten worse.

"Hey Levi."

"I'm not doing it"

Levi did not need to look at her to know what she was going to ask. Processing Hange's many demands over the years had gotten him used to the way her tone modulates when she makes her ridiculous requests.

"I haven't even said anything."

"You wanted my help capturing a titan right?" Levi asked, not even bothering to look at her. Of course he wouldn't, he couldn't even tell what face he was making as he stared blankly at the gate. “I told you, I'm not gonna help you out with that hassle of a favor."

She soon moved on to asking Mike.

                                         Passion Project

At first Erwin had disapproved. Levi had his own reservations about it as well, especially after almost losing one of his squadmates in the process.

After having found the notebook chronicling an encounter of a former soldier and a titan, Hange had gotten the required approvals which overpowered whatever feedback Levi would have had about it, personal or non-personal and Levi and his squad eventually got roped into the titan capture mission.

Hange had done her fair share of the research and preparation and the capture was quick and Levi had at least braced himself already for the cold snap that was going to come between them as Hange closed the long distance relationship she had with the love of her life.

He could hang out with Petra, Eld, Oluo and Gunther anyway.

Within a few weeks after that capture mission, Levi's squad ended up roped into another titan subjugation mission. It was within the walls when Hange’s titan got loose in the barracks.

Levi’s Special Operations Squad were staying back at the old survey corps headquarters when it happened. Erwin had sent a messenger to them demanding their help within an hour of the incident. With the amount of time it took to prepare their weapons and close the distance between those two locations, by the time, the five of them did arrive, the whole lab of Hange and the nearby rooms had been trashed.

Fortunately, most of the people present when the incident happened were battle hardened soldiers and they had kept casualties to the minimum of zero. With zero casualties, Levi at least then had the luxury to hyper fixate on more superficial things.

Like the mess the survey corps headquarters had turned into. The titan had been kept outdoors but it did look like the titan had gotten far. The entrance to the actual barracks was destroyed. The large door had been torn off its hinges, the door frames and some of the support on the ceiling had fallen over. The wallpaper towards the entrance had been peeled off in some areas and the floor was covered with sawdust.

Levi found himself having to remove his cravat and put it over his face just to comfortably pass through. There were broken glasswares on the floor, broken beakers and he traced them all back to Hange’s indoor lab.

A familiar stench lingered in the air, one he had smelled too many times on horseback, in open air during expeditions. Indoors, it was stronger and even with his cravat pressed close to his nose, he considered it far worse than what he would have encountered right next to its source.

The dissolution of a dead titan cut at its nape.

Levi heard the soft clatter of glass on wood before he saw Hange who was slowly organizing some broken glass on the center table of her room.

Hange’s research lab has always been messy and overtime, Levi had gotten used to it and had managed at least to muster the self discipline to curtail whatever natural impulse he had to clean it. It messed with her thinking process apparently.

The room he had walked into was much messier than he could have ever imagined messiness to look like. Many of the corners of the room had records, chemicals, test subjects, all damaged beyond recognition. Levi kept silent, only feeling the rage boil in his stomach as he saw it. He had tried to distract himself by looking through the room for any signs of at least some order.

“Squad leader, what... happened?” It was Petra who had broken the silence, asking what Levi had wanted to ask if he hadn’t been a little too focused on trying to keep his cool.

“We didn’t really have time to prepare the ODM gear so we had to be a little creative,” Hange explained. No one wore ODM gear inside the walls unless they were training so of course, they couldn’t prepare.

“I led the titan here, so it would be easier to capture him. Then I had him take the sleeping draught then my squad ambushed him from behind. We managed to minimize casualties so I’d still call it a success.” Hange let out a small laugh. “Thanks for still coming.”

Hange only continued from there as everyone else in the room listened in silence. Levi noticed it then. The crack in her voice and the twinge of sadness in her tone.

“But really… I didn’t want to kill him. The sleeping draught I used though is in a prototype stage so Erwin didn’t want to take any risks transporting him back to the tent we set up outside. It was a shame really. I was getting to know Cody already.”

Cody? The titan had a fucking name? Levi stood in silence, wanting the anger to wash through him before he talked to her. The implication of the name and the sardonic tone of Hange had him impatient.

“Condolences… Squad leader,” Oluo said, a little too awkwardly.

Hange let out a long and deep sigh. “I guess we’re going to have to capture a new one huh? Then I’m going to have to build this bond all over again from scratch.”

It was a combination of the message of her last few words and the crack in her voice that made Levi look up. It was the red in her face, her tear stained cheeks and the swollen eyes behind her glasses that made him set aside all attempts at a more peaceful confrontation. Before he could stop himself, Levi had looked up at Hange and approached her, taking strides much larger than he ever had before.

Levi grabbed Hange by the collar and held her close. “Stop taking advantage of this war against titans for your superficial desires. Stop roping the whole damn survey corp into your petty plans. Fucking hell Hange, one day you’re gonna get someone killed over your stupid little passion project!”

Hange’s face was so close to his at that moment, yet it was still far enough for Levi to see the split second shift from surprise to a mixture of befuddlement and possibly anger. "A passion project? You think this search for the secret behind titans to a passion project?"

“It’s a fucking passion project. All you’re doing with this petty obsession of yours is risking lives. It hadn’t gotten you anywhere and you’re not even getting anywhere substantial anytime soon.”

Levi was certain he was right about that first part. Hange hasn't made much progress besides figuring out the weaknesses of titans. The research on weaknesses has proven to be useful on the battlefield. With the capturing of titans, Levi knew Hange had been delving into the more complex and more mysterious origin of titans.

From the intel he had gotten, casually asking Moblit about Hange or nonchalantly visiting the research lab on his two off days a month, he knew Hange was still on square one. And how long since the capture mission? A month? If there was something worth finding beyond the dead soldier's notebook, Hange would have found it already.

Hange’s gripped Levi’s wrist. “Maybe if you didn’t kill the abnormal titan back then, we would have made a breakthrough.”

“They’re all the same mindless fucking giants ready to kill every single one of us.” With his brain muddled, Levi was scrambling for an argument. Why was he suddenly feeling guilty over killing a titan?

“They’re all the same? Really Levi? What do you know? All you did was kill them. I ate with Cody. I talked to him. I slept with him. I bathed him…" Hange's grip on his wrist was only getting tighter as she talked, and with it, the knot in his chest. "Cody was different."

Cody was a titan. He had to remind himself while at the same time, resisting the sharp pain on his wrist as Hange grip harder.

He locked eyes with her, attempting to trace the tears down all the way until her cheeks. Had she ever cried for someone like that? Had she ever mourned a death like that? He found himself stuck on her eyes though. The wonder in them was gone, replaced by a sort of wildness. It felt like he was talking to a different person.

Hange had always been eccentric. She had always been unpredictable. Levi ended up having to scold himself for being so invested in the phantom man the name Cody had manifested, and that petty annoyance that conjured up inside him at the details of Hange’s mini affair with a titan.

Is that what passion is? Or is that obsession? Levi started to wonder if his own eyes had ever looked that wild. If he had ever done something so stupid as to clandestinely or openly micromanage someone’s life, overthink the details down to miniscules, seeing the hope for truth in theories and hypotheses.

Or did Hange just have a little screw loose up there? Either way, Levi felt pathetic. It could have been from first hand embarrassment or second hand embarrassment. He could feel the blood rushing through his cheeks though and he felt the need to just suddenly vacate the room and be alone.

If Levi didn't look away quickly enough, he probably would have forgotten to breathe. "I'm not talking to you anymore. Go figure this out for yourself.”

“I'm not letting any of my men get killed over this,” He added a little later, a pathetic attempt to add some professionalism to the conversation between captain and squad leader.

For the first time as he walked away, there were no annoying protests or arguments from an overexcitable Hange Zoe. And for the first time after so many times before, Levi wasn’t hoping she’d follow him.

[cno-inbminor]

hello, kay! i hope you've been taking care of yourself well and that life has been kind to you for the most part. i want to ask, how do you feel about kita shinsuke? your akaashi is exquisite and incredibly characterized that i always find myself coming back to your stories should i need my keiji fics, and i realized that it would probably be really interesting (and beautiful) to meet kita through your words. no pressure, tho! as always, i am grateful for whatever you write. ♡ all the love x

you’re an absolute sweetie -- i hope you’ve been well too! i’m honestly at my wit’s end but we’ll survive somehow, right? ahahaha // i’m still incredibly flustered whenever someone mentions how much they like my keiji characterization -- he’s one of the ultimate comfort characters for sure! so thank you for giving my keiji fics that honor <3 

i’ve definitely developed some love for kita over time! i love anyone who’s incredibly dependable -- my love language (that i’ve recently re-discovered) is acts of service and i can see him embodying that! 

i got carried away: here’s ~1.7k of some hazy kita appreciation, or some strangers-to-lovers ideas sprinkled together. my brain has died from finals, but i hope you like this anon!

-

the first time that kita shinsuke even crosses your mind, you mistakenly think, “he’s certainly a bit dull.” 

it’s not that you forgot he existed by any means -- the boy certainly carries a presence and emanates it in a calm, quiet manner. you just can’t remember him saying anything that wasn’t related to speaking out loud in class or social pleasantries. he’s certainly not much more than a blank canvas to you, and the only splotch of color thrown on is that he’s a member of your nationally recognized volleyball team. other than that, you know nothing else.

it all changes when you two are paired for classroom cleaning duties your third year. 

when your homeroom teacher announces your name after his, you glance away from the window to the boy sitting diagonally in front of you to your right. his back sits upright, elbows bent to indicate he’s probably sitting with his hands linked on top of his desk, legs still and placed together underneath the wood. besides the two-toned grey and black hair, you would think he’d be the perfect poster child for japanese education. 

the first morning of cleaning duties, you’re sprinting through the halls in your slippers, hoping that the student council president isn’t anywhere near your classroom. the subway was absolutely packed and nobody seemed to be in the usual pace of the morning rush, which caused some delays and for you to cut it very close. you slide open the class door with all the force you can muster, panting and out of breath with apologies falling off your tongue. unbeknownst to you, your brain had been expecting kita to give you a small smile and ensure that it was okay for your two minute tardiness -- instead, you were at the receiving end of a blank yet heavy stare, and seemingly scathing words of, “don’t be late next time.” 

your second thought of kita is that he’s too rigid and austere for a seventeen year old. bitterness festers in your chest as you practically stomp towards your desk, setting your stuff down before you head to the erasers in front of the chalkboard. even though there isn’t much dust left on them, you’re searching for excuses to calm down and be a little more level-headed. 

you’re so caught up in your thoughts and staring out into the open sky that you don’t register kita’s presence looming near. but it’s his timbre voice that startles you out of your stupor, though they’re nothing more special than, “you can sweep the other half of the classroom. i’m getting started on the desks,” and he walks away. 

in gliding the bristles over the wooden floor, you take another peek at your partner for the time being. it’s hard to miss the way he methodically cleans each wooden surface, leaving no corner unwiped, no speck of dust lingering. something about it is somewhat endearing to you, a rather drastic juxtaposition to how you were feeling not too long ago. maybe you were wrong about him -- kita shinsuke might still be a little boring to you, but he’s just...diligent. 

in home ec, you’re partnered up with ojiro aran (which proves to be in the best of your luck). but he’s good with small talk, and it’s not like you two have never spoken before. so three weeks later over the folding of meringue into the other batter, you decide to pop the question of, “what’s kita-san like as captain?” 

aran can’t contain his muted surprise at your inquiry, seeing as you two rarely ever get into the details of his volleyball playing, much less so about his team. but it doesn’t stop him from giving a truthful answer, “he’s no nonsense, keeps everyone in line. we have some rowdy underclassmen and no one scares them more than shinsuke.”

“a hardass?”

“when he needs to be,” aran chuckles. “but he’s very thoughtful and goes out of his way to care for everyone. the guy lives and breathes by routine.” 

there’s something that stirs within you, a small flame being lit, one that flares the next morning when kita walks by your desk and greets you, “good morning, l/n-san.” seeing as he usually never does, you stumble over your reply and shock, all the while berating your heart for beating as fast as it is. kita’s just being polite and using social pleasantries, nothing more. 

but he does it the next morning, and then the next, and even incorporates, “how are you?” into his line of words on days you two clean. little by little, you get to know more about him -- not a lot, but enough to correct yourself for ever thinking that he’s a dull, austere, mean human being. you tell yourself it’s nothing more, especially when you start looking forward to their games and join the student cheering squad. it’s nothing when you eagerly await for the moments that kita gets subbed in; absolutely nothing when he looks away from the court and into the crowd, catching your eyes and allowing his lips to slip into a demure smile before turning back around. the pounding of your heart and sweating of your hands aren’t related at all, just physiological effects of the game. 

and before you know it, graduation comes around and you think you’ll never see him again after this. you’re laughing and taking pictures with your classmates, later spotting aran over the crowd of families. he catches your waving arm and bounding figure, bright grin on his face as he congratulates you. “i’ll miss you all,” you confess and aran affectionately pats your head. “same here. have you seen shinsuke?”

your brows furrow. “no, why? is he looking for me?”

“you sound confused by that. weren’t you two friends?”

“i wouldn’t overassume that...but i doubt i’m on his mind right now.”

aran only nods and adopts a pensive look, taking a moment to think before confessing, “you meant something to him. after all, he greeted you every morning, right?”

you nod. “but what does that have to do with anything?”

aran’s parents interrupt and attempt to drag him away before he can answer, but he beckons for them to give him another minute. quickly, he pulls you into a one-arm hug, telling you over the bustling crowd, “you were part of his routine.” 

you’re stunned, frozen in your tracks as aran and his family walk away. their departure creates some space between everyone, and you find yourself looking straight into the golden eyes of the man that had been plaguing your thoughts for months now. he doesn’t back down, not out of defiance though -- rather, he seems to be trying to convey that he sees you, acknowledges your existence and long wedged a placeholder for you in his life. 

but the spell is broken when one of your relatives tugs on your arm for you to leave and go home for a big lunch celebration, and that’s the last you see of him.

at least for the next two years. you have a part-time job at osamu’s onigiri shop, having met the man in some cooking classes over the years. while you’re up front most of the time, you occasionally help out in the kitchen during rush hours. evidently, you missed any of the information on the exact source of the rice, remembering nothing more than the fact it was special and held a certain place in osamu’s heart -- because when kita shinsuke walks in to make a special, personal visit, your brain splutters and ceases all deep cognitive functioning.

he looks well, happy, strong, more than he did back in high school. the same air of confidence still surrounds him and encases the entirety of the shop, and instincts nearly have you dropping to your knees so you can hide behind the counter and catch your breath. 

“oh shinsuke, you’re here!” osamu calls out from behind you, popping out of the kitchen to help with the rice bags. the most you can muster is a gentle bow before messing with the cash register, pretending to be busy organizing receipts and bills. you tune out most of the conversation cleaning counters, checking customers out, wiping down tables, and anything else that’ll take your mind off the guy your heart could never seem to forget. 

but osamu bidding goodbye to kita snaps you out of your reverie. and instead of walking towards the door, kita’s figure approaches you until there’s nothing but 5 feet of wood between the two of you. “it’s good to see you,” he greets softly, a gentle expression casting onto his face and tone. 

“i-it’s good to see you too, kita-san,” you barely reply in time, doing everything you can to fight the blood rushing into your face. 

“i’d like to take you out for coffee when your shift is over, if that’s okay.”

oh. 

“oh, well, yes, but um, my shift doesn’t end for another hour and--”

“oh, you’re good to go for the rest of the day,” osamu calls out with his head popped out the kitchen door, sending a knowing look towards his former captain. in fact, you remember that the owner had been somewhat insistent that you come work today of all days and you never knew why...until now.

that fucker.

shinsuke’s eyes glimmer as the realization hits you, the same demure smile as the one he sent you all those years ago during a volleyball game sitting on his lips. excitement bubbles within you, and you attempt to tease, “only if you can untie my apron for me?”

there’s no hesitation in his demeanor as he walks around the counter and plants himself right in front of you, mere centimeters between the tips of your shoes and his. you can’t bear to look away as an arm reaches around easily undo the bow at your lower back. neither do you miss the ghosting of his fingertips at your waist that burn through the cotton of your t-shirt, and you’re just thankful that no customers are around to witness this heated, intimate moment. 

“lead the way, captain,” you can’t help but say. something dark and dangerous crosses his eyes, sending a thrilling shiver down your spine. and you think that yes, yes indeed, you’d like to see those eyes more often if you can. 

[seijohsfairy]

you’ve been in love with kuroo tetsuro for years, silently supporting from the sidelines. it’s where you feel comfortable, felt- comfortable. so now that kuroo finds out you’re his most loyal fan?

.wordc. 9.5k tw manipulation, degradation!, corruption, bullying, dubcon/noncon, coercion, yandere kuroo, fingering, oral, Kuroo is on the world’s biggest ego trip

.author’s note. I finally finished this monster after struggling for so long ( ɵ̥̥ ˑ̫ ɵ̥̥) inspired by fanatic by @/jackrrabbit​. if you want to read an amazing bullying smut, it’s seriously perfection

+

An obsession. If someone asked, you’d never call it that. An appreciation of the sport maybe, or of the hard work and dedication of the players. But an obsession might’ve been more accurate, as you have been a fan for years now. At least you can admit it to yourself. Not a day goes by where you forget to think about volleyball, and more in particular, him. It’s not your fault it makes you so happy… It’s not at all, and yet—

You’re able to watch the young men through the open doors of the gym, the resounding bangs of spikes flattening against the polished floor filling the building. You huff out in the afternoon sun and hide under the sun-bleached, red parasol as best you can, before wiping a bead of sweat from your temple. Soon everyone will be pouring out of the classrooms, which brings a smile to your face. But for now, you spare another look inside the bright hall, following the red jerseys as they move swiftly around the court. The speed at which the balls connect with the floor have always impressed you, but your eyes are instead on the middle of the group, tracing the number one mindlessly.

“Senpai, are you alright?” your junior squeaks out. You flinch in surprise at her question, almost dropping the drink you’re holding in the process. Her short brown hair sticks to her face where a wide-eyed expression marks it, though a small, unsure smile stays in place. You quickly bring out a laugh though, waving off her concern.

“Oh, yeah! Sorry,” you put down the glass can and press your cool fingers to your forehead, smiling, “the heat just makes it hard to actually pay attention. Could you repeat that, please?”

“I’m just so glad you suggested this, s’all!” she beams, putting the last of the lemonade out on the table, each can in between ice packs. They’re already dripping, coming summertime close to unbearable. “My big brother always talks about the fanclub at home and that other teams don’t have a fanclub near as good as ours!” You smile at her while you pour chunks of ice into the white wine, putting it out too. The entire table is decorated with the team colors, flyers to one side, donation jar and cash register on the other, with all the drinks, ice pops and watermelon slices in the middle.

You even made all of the small, red cat charms that hang from the parasol yourself. A bit overkill perhaps, but no effort really feels big enough when you’re as dedicated to a team as you are, even if it’s embarrassing to say. But well… you’d do just about anything to support Nekoma and the man you’ve been crushing on for years now. While you peer up at the windows of the classrooms, mentally keeping track of just how much longer you’d have to wait for the rest of the fanclub to join you, you miss the proud look the younger girl sends your way. Yui, the libero’s younger sister, pulls her hair up in a tiny ponytail. “You must be so proud since you started it all by yourself.”

You look back down at her, flushing. “Of course I am proud of the fanclub, but I’m even more proud of our team. Y’know, I’ve been watching some of them since middle school and they all seem to enjoy it so much. It makes me want to support them in any way I can.” You’ve taken the requests of the team to heart to the best of your ability. Hopefully you can sell a lot, they’d really need new cleaning equipment and some of the shorts and jerseys could definitely be replaced with new ones.

“Of course Nekoma’s angel would say that,” a voice giggles, the black haired girl strolling up behind you. All the others walk close behind, right when the bell indicating the last class rings. The rest of the fanclub waves politely, many of the girls with their own healthy flush. “Make some space, Mrs. Kuroo, everyone will be getting out in a minute or so.” You give the other third-year a little poke in her side, looking down at the menu as you pick at the corner of the laminated sheet. It’s so silly, but the nickname makes you all warm inside. How nice it would be to actually be… well. You shouldn’t think so far ahead, or not ahead at all, since Kuroo Tetsuro has absolutely zero interest in you. The overflowing amount of love you have for him isn’t making up for anything.

“Don’t call me Mrs. Kuroo. It’s embarrassing,” you tell the raven-haired girl, glancing back inside the hall for just a moment to watch as said man gulps down his water, sweat drenching his hairline and dripping down his chin. “Even if I like it, he doesn’t know I exist.” Some of the girls coo at your admission, all of them at least aware that you’ve looked up to the Captain for years. Your friend sends you a knowing look, before cracking her fingers and getting to work on the cash register. She’s been trying to get you to say something for months, and with the last few weeks of high school growing closer and closer, you can’t even blame her.

But what would you even say to the guy you’ve crushed on for so long? After all, you’ve been in his class for three years now and he never once spoke to you directly either. He’d probably be creeped out by your dedication to him. Before you can think of any more, bunches of students start pouring out of the buildings, looking tired out by the day. When they see your stand, many of them light up, already taking out their wallets to get some cool lemonade. You clap your hands and look at the girls surrounding you, before nodding. “Alright, let’s do this! We’re going to sell everything out today. Yui, you get that side?” You turn to the first few customers and put on your best smile, handing them a menu. “Welcome to the Neko Outdoor Café! Would you like a drink?”

///

“Captain!” Yamamoto calls, pout more pronounced with each passing second. “Please let us take a break. Please.” He’s about to get on his knees and beg. “Come on, man. I need this.”

The raven haired man just lifts a brow in his direction, before turning his attention back to the bench so he can tie his shoelaces properly. “Shut up, you’re being noisy.” He doesn’t care to ask what the guy is on about, already more than annoyed at having to practice in this sweltering heat. Every movement feels slower than usual, it’s pissing him off.

“They’re going to sell out and leave, Captain!” the other tries again, tugging at the edge of Kuroo’s jersey like a child. In fact, he looks like he might burst into tears. The Captain ignores him.

“I’m sure they’re keeping some extras for us,” Yaku tries, smacking Lev’s hand away from his water bottle and downing the last of it.

Kenma hums. “You know they wouldn’t leave us with nothing, they’re all so thoughtful.” The setter is already trying to soothe a teary-eyed Yamamoto, while Kuroo straightens out to wipe himself down with a towel. “They probably have a whole pack of ice lollies stored away for after practice. Our cheer squad leader wouldn’t be caught dead forgetting about anyone.” At the mention of your name, the Captain frowns, the sound unfamiliar. “She even remembered to bring some mango for me last time, and I don’t even remember telling her I don’t like watermelon that much.”

“Who now?” Kuroo frowns. He pokes out his tongue to wet his lips, following his team’s gazes to outside the gym, where rows of students are lining up. He can just see the edge of a red table, curiosity peaked.

Kenma’s face blanks when he looks over at his long time friend. “The leader of the fanclub? She’s been to every one of our matches since like… eighth grade or something. How have you never noticed her?” Some of the boys turn to him in confusion too. Kuroo crosses his arms over his chest, before chewing on his answer. It’s not that he ignores anyone on purpose. But your name doesn’t ring a bell, neither does the description.

“Pretty sure she really likes you, too,” Lev suddenly says, getting up from his spot on the floor to bound closer to the door to watch past it. “She always wears clothes with the number 1 and your name on it. She’s very nice, she bought me chocolate milk after our last game.” He stares out the door for a moment longer, before perking up and waving for his older teammates’ attention. “Ooh ooh, she has ice creams for us, she’s calling. Can we please take a break, Captain?”

Everyone turns to the third year. Even Kenma is giving him an unspoken question with his expression. “Fine, whatever,” Kuroo just sighs, giving into their antics. “But after that we’re getting back to spike training and you better all jump higher than I’ve ever seen you jump.”

While waiting in line, he asks to point you out. You’re busy smiling at every single student that comes by, colored shadow falling over you because of the sun shade that is just as red as the rest of the table. Just as red as your flushed face, and as red as the shirt that you’re wearing with his name on it. You look kind, with a childlike joy on your face, innocent in the way you beam out warmth. And after staring at you for a while, you do start to look a bit familiar. Huh. So this is what his biggest fan looks like. He’s not let down, not exactly, though he does wish that you’d focus less on the lemonade and more on him as he waits in line with the rest of the team. But it’s understandable, you’re just trying your best. Even he can see that.

Suddenly, you look up from the cash register, having been shoved in the side with an elbow by your friend and in the split second he catches your eyes, he can see several emotions flash in them. The last one before you look away is definitely wide-eyed mortification though. You look away from him and turn to your friend, whispering something in her ear as your cheeks grow red-hot. You blank at her answer, before biting your lip. It’s strange, but something in the things you do are cute to him. How you nervously toy with the edge of your shirt. How you try to keep your eyes on the ground but glance back every so often anyway. How you put on a smile. You must really, truly like him. And he can’t say he doesn’t like at least that. That innocent expression on your face is to die for. Really.

After a minute or so, you seem to gather your wits and look up to walk from behind the stall. “Guys, you don’t have to wait in line. Come up here,” you wave them over, not looking at him at all. Somehow, this only makes him giddier, wanting to see you flush even harder. Maybe you’d pass out if he talked to you. Maybe you’d cry. Would you even be able to handle it if he got any closer? The smirk that clings to his lips is one of ego-filled happiness, he can’t help himself. Something about you makes him feel like he’d be able to break you with the slightest of pressure, and though he’s never quite wanted to control someone like that, he can’t say it doesn’t feel exhilarating.

Everyone moves out of the one line to skip to the front, as you busy yourself by glancing under the tables to pull out an extra cooler, opening it swiftly. That way your skirt pulls up insanely high, though you try to keep it down with one hand. Oblivious to what you’re doing, surely. His cute, little fan. He’ll have to give you a lesson on proper manners, but not now. All in due time. When everyone starts thanking you, you just rub your neck, straightening back up.

“How much are they?” Kenma asks, “I’ll pay. Is it alright if I get the money to you after practice though?”

“No, no!” you beam, “they’re free for you guys! I could hardly let our own team pay for some stupid ice pops and lemonade.” You don’t hesitate to smile at Kenma. Kuroo holds his tongue from breaking into your conversation for now, instead taking one of the watermelon slices and biting into it. You seem to sink into yourself a bit when he turns back in your direction, almost as if you’re trying to disappear into the background entirely. Would be hard though, with that bright a shirt. “We also have wine if the adults want any,” you continue, shooting Kai and Yaku a guilty glance then and trailing off. “Though that might not be a good idea if you’re still practicing.”

You still have yet to look back at him, creating a void of something in the pit of his stomach. Why don’t you want to look at him as much as he wants to look at you? “Are there any strawberry pops?” Lev asks, probably aimed at you but Kuroo’s already taking a step towards you before you can answer.

This way you’re not able to ignore him any longer. Your eyes are so big and stunned when you glance up at him, tilting your head back just so you can look him in the face. There you are, he thinks. You pull a lip into your mouth, cheeks burning with color. Your chest heaving up and down, heart clearly pounding so hard he swears he can hear it. And Kuroo is living for it, the thrill of making you so affected by his presence undeniable. He wants to be the one to make you so flustered, wants to be the one to taint it too. He does know that’s probably not normal, but it’s so tempting. He smiles down at you, watching when your lips tremble softly. Cute. He softly calls out your name, grinning wider when you seem to mellow for a moment at the sound. “Did you do all this yourself?” he asks, enjoying the starstruck expression on your face.

You have to take a moment to get yourself back on track, clearly. Understandable. “Mhm,” you manage though, looking anywhere but him again when you realize you’re staring. “W-Well, everyone helped plan it, of course. I just made everything they planned out.”

“Yeah?” His smirk has yet to leave his face, but if it could grow any wider, now would be the time. You give a shy nod, looking back up at him for a moment. “The lemonade looks good. The watermelon’s good too.”

You’re practically glowing at his compliment, taking a step back to roll yourself back and forth on the balls of your feet. He wants to place his hands on your shoulders to keep you still, but really, you might just faint if he does so he holds himself back. “T-thank you s-so much! I’m glad you like it. I hope you’ll be able to use the funds well, but if you ever need anything else, you can always ask me,” you lift your shoulder and smile at him for just a moment, blush still raging on your face. You blank then, quickly adding, “or any of the other girls! We’re all here to support you, so… p-please keep working hard and doing your best a bit longer!” You’re stuttering like crazy too. He’ll have to work that out of you.

Before he can say anything else, someone calls for your name, so you quickly bow and rush back to your spot behind the stall. The girls giggle and poke at you, some of them hardly subtle in their whispering and cooing. And Kuroo smiles, because he might have just found something new to peak his interest.

///

You couldn’t have known. Not really. You couldn’t have known the full extent of his anger and definitely not how it would turn on you. So why does it feel like you made a horrible mistake? As you are sweeping the last of the hall, you hear the familiar, resounding echo of volleyballs smacking against the smooth surface. It’s a sound that’s long grown near and dear to your heart. Still, you put the brush to the side to make your way to the gym door where it stands swung open. It’s a Friday. The Nekoma team doesn’t play volleyball after school hours on Fridays. You frown as you peek around the cold, metal door into the otherwise vacant hall. As the class representative this term, you’re basically expected to be the last one here.

The man causing the constant butterflies in your stomach is facing away from you, frustration seeming to radiate off him in angry, black swirls as he throws balls against the wall, making continuous tosses to himself. You wait for a moment longer, glancing back into the school building as you debate your options. Though you were unable to watch the end of practice, you saw the beginning. Kuroo was anything but the collected player he normally is, the sight of it making your heart ache. Very hesitantly, you knock your knuckles against the metal. You rather wouldn’t be putting yourself in his proximity by choice, last time enough to make you so flushed and flustered you were stumbling all over your words.

Still though, you just want to help him. Maybe you could make him feel just a bit better. “Kuroo-san?” you try softly when he doesn’t react. He catches the ball at your call, pausing for a second. Then he turns to you. A shadow on his face, tall shape seeming to loom over you even from afar. You dig your nails into your own palms at the sharp glare that’s sent your way, his eyes flicking over your entire body, coming to rest back on your face. He doesn’t say anything, so you try to gather your courage and clear your voice, taking a step into the gym. “I- Sorry, I heard you still practicing. Are you- I mean- I don’t want to assume or anything, b-but- you don’t normally practice on Friday.”

The brief flicker of courage you had soon sinks deep within the pit of your chest as the silence continues. He bounces the ball on the floor once before catching it again, lifting one of his brows. Still with that gleam in his eyes, the one set off by the darkness cast around him. Then he sighs, and in a second his smile is plastered back on. The smile you’ve grown so used to seeing from afar, but it doesn’t feel quite right. It certainly doesn’t reach his eyes. It looks a bit off too, lopsided like he’s trying to convince himself to keep it up. “You— Ah, you’re the… fan club girl,” he nods. He tosses the ball up a few times, seemingly thinking, before he clicks his tongue. His deep voice resonates through the empty hall. “Yeah, sorry if I’m bothering you. I wanted to get some more practice in.”

You wring your hands into the front of your shirt, mindlessly bunching it up in between your fingers. When his eyes are back on you, you have to fight yourself from taking a step back. “No, you’re not bothering me at all, I don’t expect any less from our team Captain.” You swallow. Then, barely louder than the thumping of your heartbeat against your ribs, a thought tumbles out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. “Would you like me to help you practice for a bit?” It’s a little thing, so small, and you’ve done it for Lev and Kenma plenty of times. But your hands shake when you ask.

Kuroo’s eyebrows pull tightly together, his expression looking so off-putting even when you normally think everything about him is beautiful. You think he’s perfect, even drenched entirely in sweat and with grooves dug deep under his eyes, exhausted to the bone, so why? Why does he glare at you this way, and how can you make your heart stop wavering in your chest? You briefly stand there to think about what you just said, trying to figure out exactly what you did wrong to make him feel even more shitty, but come up blank. He must have misread your tone of voice, or maybe you had a dumb expression on your face. Just some stupid mistake you made. That’s the only explanation you have why amazing, gorgeous, perfect star player Kuroo is acting the way he is.

“Do you even know anything about volleyball? You don’t look like you do.” The sharp comment feels like a slap to the face, and you take in a little breath as you attempt to rid the unsettling tension between you two. Maybe soothing him isn’t the way to go, but you know Kuroo makes himself feel better with practice and that is something you can do. For him, you could for hours.

“I— I can… serve alright,” you hesitate, looking from his face to his shoes instead. “I know a l-lot about volleyball and though I- I might not be the best, I’d still help, right?” His sharp eyes are still on you like an accusation, and no, no, no, this is all wrong but you don’t know how to fix it.

“Aah,” Kuroo coos then, chuckling to himself as he passes the ball your way, “you want to help me.” You barely catch it, clutching it close to your chest as he motions you closer with his hand. “O‘course you do.” With sheepish steps you make your way toward him because he asked, staying an arm’s length away for your own poor heart. Last time you were this close to Kuroo, all you could do was give some mindless encouragement, even though you were trying. You just couldn’t help get flustered back then. A cold shiver makes its way up your spine though, and you fight the pressing feeling to run. This is your favorite person in the world you’re looking at, and you’d do anything for him. You would, really. “Because you’re my fan, aren’t you?” he echoes your thoughts, and you bob your head in reply.

Your voice is barely above a whisper now, throat closing up when he leans in as if to inspect you more thoroughly. “Yes, of course, Kuroo-san. I’ve been a fan since I first saw you play a match back in middle school.” You wince at your honesty. Don’t tell him that, your mind screams, but it’s too late. All you can do is bite your lip to keep more from tumbling out.

“Yeah, yeah, so I heard.” He gleams, petting your hair and you try to keep your elation to a minimum, because his eyes are still just as sharp as they were when you first walked in, but butterflies flutter in your stomach. His fingers linger for a moment, the weight of his hand making your heart jump. It’s gone soon enough. “You in my class?” You nod eagerly, but while you do he’s already speaking again. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you? You’re my biggest fan, huh?” He’s leaning closer again, closer, too close, almost like he’s going to kiss you and you might sink through the floor if he gets any closer.

You try not to let the faint smell of his cologne overwhelm you, his face flushed at the edges of his cheeks because of the exertion. You open your mouth to figure out a response again, but Kuroo is faster. “You come to each match, hoping I’d notice you, right? Begging for my attention like a little kid, wearing my name on your body like that. Don’t you feel embarrassed?”

It takes your brain a while to unfilter the words, playing and replaying them now that you take a step back. “Aren’t you embarrassed to be so obsessed with me? Such a cute, little fangirl, just begging for a look your way?” No. It’s not like that, you are not like that. You’re not obsessed, you just care a lot about him. About the entire team. “Pretending to be into volleyball so you can talk to me, right? Do you talk to Yaku’s sister so you can get to me? Do you talk to Kenma so you can get to me too?” You want him to stop talking, why is he still talking? Why is he acting this way at all?

“N-No, it’s not like that,” you bring out, flushing when his hand wraps around your one shoulder to keep you from backing away from him. He straightens out to his full height, towering above you and as you follow his tall body up to his expression, you hate how he is smiling. A loathing, off-centered smile that gleams on his handsome face. The feeling to run grows so strong in your mind that for a moment you can barely ignore it. There’s something wrong. But of course you remain, you just want to make him feel better. “It’s not like that at all. They are my friends. I love volleyball.”

“You love me, Y/N-chan?” he asks then, dark eyes glazing over.

“I— I’m your biggest fan,” you settle on responding. Wouldn’t it be too much to admit you love him, even if you do? He doesn’t seem to take it, looking down at you with thinly veiled irritation now. The fingers on your shoulder tighten, though you’re too distracted to notice. “I mean- Of course I… love… you, but not in an obsessed way! I just have a lot of respect for how hard you work,” you drawl out, throat closing up when the gleam on Kuroo’s face seems to drop in favor of something softer. Something like admiration. You used to love how he would wear his emotions on his face, but now it’s too much. He’s still not satisfied, you can see it. “And I’d do anything to make you feel better so-”

“Hah. Aren’t you just incredibly sweet,” he sighs, finally letting go of your shoulder. You can feel the weight of it long after it’s gone, warmth trailing down your limbs tentatively. You’re so glad you let out a trembling puff of relief. He takes a deep breath, before he smiles again. Softer, familiar, and your heart slowly comes back to life. This is how it’s meant to go, this is how you always imagined it as Kuroo leans down to brush a strand of hair away from your face back behind your ear, sweet and tender. Hair that you keep longer than you’d want because you know Kuroo likes it that way. You’re sure your stress of earlier was showing on your face, cheeks burning for attention. “You’re so pretty like this, my little fangirl. Mine.”

You don’t miss the drop in his voice, a possessive tone that seems misplaced. As he brushes a knuckle past your cheekbone, tingles pool in your belly. “I’ve had a really tough day today, you have no idea. But I’m glad you’re here now. I think I do know how to fix my shitty mood, actually!” He takes your hands in his then, enveloping them with soft traces of his fingers. He pulls you toward the side of the gym, dragging you behind him. Kuroo Tetsuro is holding your hands. It feels too quick, sprung on you so suddenly it makes your head spin, but they are just so warm around yours like you hoped they’d be. The dark-haired man looks back over his shoulder. “You said you will help me, right?”

“Mhm,” you smile, watching him, how his shoulders move under the red volley jersey and his hair waves softly with each step. And he’s still holding your hand. This must be a dream. You’re on a mindless path until he walks you past the lockers and the damp feeling of the shower air hit your face. That’s when you slow your feet and pull against him a little, blinking out of your daze to glance to the side. Kuroo turns to face you. “Hey, this is the boys’ room.” Your obvious statement makes him chuckle, one hand coming up to cup your cheeks and though it’s insanely overwhelming, you don’t have the heart to pull back. He squishes your cheeks together until your lips turn into a cute, little pout.

“You’ve never been in a boys’ locker room, sweet thing? You’re just that good, huh?” Kuroo stares you down with his pretty, golden eyes while you fail to answer. Isn’t being good supposed to be a positive thing? But he says it like it’s something dirty, like you’re not quite right and you can’t help the sinking feeling that fills you to the brim. He pushes the door to your side into lock, the loud clang making your heart race. When he turns back to you, the darkness in his face is what scares you most.

Cats don’t eat cats, do they—

He doesn’t hesitate to grab you by the shoulder and shoves you up against the lockers, your back connecting with the cold metal sharply. You wince, his hand still around your cheeks. It’s so much bigger than you, you realize, he’s so much bigger than you. That never scared you before, but now you’re painfully aware of the looming shape and the way he’s able to look down at you like this. You swallow and keep his golden gaze. But he releases his hold on your face to hold the back of your neck, long fingers splayed across the soft skin, before leaning down so far into you, you can feel the tremble of his breath on your face. “Would you like me to kiss you?”

Your eyes are wide, unbelieving. Of course you do, but… You wait for what feels like a lifetime, his warmth too close to you. You can’t say no, can you? So you nod and drop your shoulders, eyes fluttering closed. If he were to kiss you all those uncomfortable feelings swirling inside would surely vanish. Kuroo hovers his lips over yours, you can feel them so close, but no more than that. And he chuckles, tilting your head to the side with two fingers instead. “No. You don’t deserve it yet. Don’t you think you have to work a bit harder for it? I know you’re good at that.”

He walks toward you until you’re fully pinned to the cold locker in between his legs, as he connects his lips with your neck. His lips are so hot, like steaming coals on you, and you can’t help but grab onto his bicep for support. It flexes under your touch. He kisses down your throat and jaw, lips dragging trails of kisses and tongue carving paths down to your collarbones and to the edge of your shirt.

And you’re so overwhelmed that the person you’ve loved for so long is actually touching you, that you don’t notice how tight his grip is wrapped around your neck, fingertips pressing ovals into the expanse. “You just wanted this the whole time, huh,” he coos, voice sickly sweet. But when he looks up at you from under those lashes, the gold in his eyes has the sharpness of a blade, daring you to reply. You shudder when his hand drops down to drag your shirt up. “Bet you’ve had so many guys hoping that one of them would feel and taste like me.” He unceremoniously shoves it up from your body, over your shoulders. You look to the side where it drops to the floor, your school uniform a crumpled mess.

“Kuroo-san,” you bring out, self consciously wrapping your arms around yourself to cover up. You don’t like this. You don’t like him telling you that you’ve had people just to prepare for him, don’t like him eating up the sight of you like you’re a piece of meat and you definitely don’t like how he presses his thigh in between your legs to pin you up to the locker. “W-what are you doing?”

He huffs in amusement, tangling his fingers into the hair at the top of your neck to tug back your gaze towards his. “You can drop the politeness, silly girl,” he says again, letting go to brush softer circles into your skull. His lips brush over yours as you stand there, trembling, unsure what to do. How can you say no to him if he’s here, so close, with you for the first time in ever? He taps his fingers on your hands to make you release your hold on yourself, which you do with a bit more coaching. Maybe you just think this is going way too fast because it is him. The boy that offers his friends water before drinking himself, the one with the loud laugh that rings through the halls and makes your heart thump. The guy you’ve been head over heels with. That one.

This is okay, you say to yourself, calm down. His other hand traces along the bottom of your bra as soon as you drop your arms to the side, slipping a finger under just enough to lift it from your skin and you shiver. “You gonna take this off for me?” he asks, rubbing his thigh in between yours more. You can’t answer because you’re dropping your head back against the locker, overwhelmed and unsure still, with the lack of oxygen getting to you all you can do is let out a little whimper. You don’t know a lot about this, you’re sure he does. The hand around your neck drops so he can flip your skirt up, chuckling at your cute panties. You look down in embarrassment and attempt to shove the plaid fabric back down over your thighs but then he lets out a growl, holding it in place. “You wear my name on your body like my personal whore. Don’t play too shy to follow through.”

His long fingers trace over the edges of the panties, where you take deep breaths to calm down. You can’t help but push your waist down on his muscular leg for some friction, looking to the side when he chuckles. “You really are a little slut.” This time you shake your head though, pouting at him.

“I’m not, Kuroo.”

“Liar,” he breathes, pressing his nose to the crook of your neck. “You act like a well-mannered princess but we both know you want to be put in your place.” Not waiting up for a response, he lifts you by your thighs up higher, so he can bury his face into your covered chest, dragging his tongue over the one cup. You can feel the wetness of his tongue seep through the lacy fabric onto your skin. It’s warm and uncomfortable, his breath cooling your skin down instantly. “If you’re not going to take it off, I will,” he gleams, looking up to check your expression again. Ever so slowly he starts pushing the fabric up, not bothering to unhook the piece of clothing. Instead he toys with brushing over your pointed nipples, kissing up your sternum. His eyes flick to yours continuously, like he’s making a show of undressing you. He licks his lips, leaning towards you again.

“Kuroo,” you manage to mumble, resting your one hand on his shoulder to push him away from you. You stumble when you land back on your feet, looking down at the floor. Burning heat covers your entire face, from your cheeks up to your ears. It’s physically painful to be so near him, and the tight grip on your thighs isn’t helping. Your heart is pitter pattering so hard it might break through your ribcage. Despite how much you dreamed about falling in love with him, it wasn’t like this. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I have to lock up the halls and go home.” Your friend’s voice rings through your head then, something about bad guys and the way they prey on kind girls like you, creating cold goosebumps along your arms again. Kuroo Tetsuro can’t be one of those guys, you’ve looked up to him for so long. If he is, what would you even do? “I want to—”

“Don’t lie,” he interrupts, glaring up at your disapproval, “don’t ruin this for me.” Without hesitation he locks his mouth onto your exposed skin, rubbing his knee against your covered center, hard. It sends a spike of heat down your body. You breathe out at the rough laving of his tongue, only soothing after he sucked and bit the tender skin. His one hand reaches up to pull down your panties from under your skirt as soon as you’re closing your eyes, and though you open your mouth to stop him he shuts you up by pinching your thigh sharply between his long fingers. “I told you to stop lying to me. Whatever comes out of that pretty mouth next best be the truth.” He trails his digits up and down a few times, the slightest soothing to your anxiety.

“I… I just don’t—” you swallow, looking away from his eyes to focus on the shine of the lights. They make your eyes burn, but at least you don’t have to undergo his vicious glare this way. It really feels like he despises you for even breathing in his direction, though then why would he be kneeled in front of you. The conflict makes you nauseous, more insecure than you’ve ever been around him and your throat closes up a bit. When his stroking stills, you push through the words anyway. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

He laughs. A warm, bubbly sound against your thigh. “No one’s ever stuffed you with their fingers before?” He looks gleeful, nuzzling your hip in a too-intimate gesture. You’re his fan, but he barely knows anything about you. You slowly shake your head, cheeks warming. His hands start moving again as he shuffles closer between your thighs so his mouth is level with your chest. As he eyes you up and down, he giggles to himself. “Did my slutty fan get herself off on the thought of me? D’you beg for me when coming around your useless, little fingers?” You bite your lip, eyes flicking down at him when he calls your name. “I’m waiting for an answer~”

“I don’t—,” you bite out, flustered and feeling small. He must hear the edge in your voice. With a quick flick of his wrist, he brings his down on your thigh, pinching you hard for good measure. You yelp and grab hold of his head to steady yourself, before quickly pulling your hand away again. He doesn’t seem to mind.

“Wanna try again?” he mumbles though, trailing two fingers up and down the crotch of your panties. It feels warm, and really good, but you’re still cold to the touch. Is this really okay? You doubt it. When he starts licking at the edge of your panties you shudder, letting your weight fall into the sturdy locker for support. “Hm, d’you get off to me?”

You pull your bottom lip into your mouth. You might have touched yourself down there once or twice, but in your imagination that was always long after he’d gotten to know you. In your imagination he was gentle, caring. Nothing like the impatient trailing of his fingers, like he can’t wait to play a game you never agreed to. At his golden gaze, you let the truth spill. “Sometimes,” you breathe, immediately hiding your face in your own shoulder from embarrassment.

“That’s what I thought, dumb girl.” He pushes your panties unceremoniously to the side to collect the slick there, grinning. You didn’t even notice you were getting wet while trying not to anger him. He doesn’t waste time taking advantage of this fact though. He spreads your bottom lips open with his fingers, looking up at you easily. His deep voice feels loud in the pressing silence of the abandoned gym, and you can’t help but wonder how much trouble you’d get in if anyone found you here. “Listen, brat,” he calls, pushing his lips to the top of your thigh to bite the plush skin. You jerk away from him with a cry, but he doesn’t let up.

“I’m gonna push my fingers inside that filthy cunny of yours, stretch out your little hole so you can actually fit something in there. ‘Cause I know you’re a good girl, so you’re probably gonna go braindead if I fuck you like this.” He chuckles at your hitched breathing. You can’t even begin to understand. The person you love more than life itself wants to fuck you? Well, his fingers are still playing down there, slowly pushing into you and they are thick, much thicker than yours. You can’t believe it. Kuroo Tetsuro wants to fuck you, in the boys locker room of the school gym while you should be long on your way out by now. No, you can’t. But you don’t find the words to speak up under his gaze, not wanting to disappoint him. If he notices your mental struggle, he doesn’t show it. “Then you’re gonna help me out like you promised by sucking my cock, right?”

You freeze up. You did say you’d help him, you said that didn’t you… But you didn’t know it would be like this, if you did you would’ve said ‘no’. You curse yourself for saying anything at all, trying to calm your heart as best as you can. You’re feeling so overwhelmed. By his touch, his presence, the situation, the stress put on your poor, frazzled brain. When two of his digits are halfway inside you, you let out a whimper. That’s at least three of your own, you already feel spread so thin. Your fingers find purchase in his soft, raven hair, needing anything to cling to. “Say, ‘Yes, Tetsuro’,” he coos, pressing a row of kisses over the front of your panties, chuckling at the little bow. But the sweet tone is taken away as soon as it comes. “Say it.”

“Y-Yes… Tetsuro.” He hums happily, shoving his fingers inside you in one swift move until his palm is against your center. Your legs almost give out at the feeling. “Ah- ah! S’too much, Kuroo.”

The raven haired man grins at that, curling his digits inside you and pulling them out just as quickly. Like striking a match. You reach up your hand to bite into it, hoping to contain your sounds. Your slick sounds ring through the empty locker room as Kuroo slides them back in and out at a punishing pace. “My dumb, pretty baby really is clueless, huh,” he sighs, long fingers sliding under your knee to place it instead on his shoulder.  It only debases you even more, struggling to stay upright as he brings his face in between your legs. When you whimper in embarrassment, calling his name, he scoffs. “You should let me play this how I want to, since you clearly don’t know anything.”

The curl of his long fingers brushing up against the soft, spongy part of your walls makes your brain numb. His words hurt. You don’t want them to, you wish they didn’t. “My dumb slut,” he hisses, before the harsh lines of his mouth are buried between your thighs. His tongue sweeps out to deliver a long swipe from his pumping fingers to the top of your slit, before swirling around the nub making you tremble. Your belly tenses, coil in the pit of your stomach growing irritatingly tight as he grinds his face against your pussy, obscenely slurping at the wetness. Your fingers twitch in his fluffy hair, attempting to comb through it best you can as your eyes flutter closed.

“Kuroo, ‘m close. Really close.” You can barely raise your voice enough to make it be heard over his motions, though he looks up at the call of his name. “I want to cum,” you say, “please.” He doesn’t still his fingers, but the twitch in his brows seems to indicate disaster, and you quickly bite your lip to think. “C-Can I?”

“D’you think this is about you, Y/N-chan?” He grins at your blown out expression, relishing in the wide eyes and bobbing lip. He uses his thumb to continue putting pressure on your clit, as he tuts his lips. “I’ll decide if or when you cum, because you’re mine. And when I decide to stuff this cunt you best consider yourself lucky, baby, that my cock is breaking open your perfect, little body.”

“Y-yes, but—” you bring out, ignoring the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You can’t hold it if his fingers only speed up their devouring of your body, mouth wrapping around you to suck hard.

“Don’t cum yet,” he mumbles, going so hard it’s making your vision sway. His tongue and mouth go harder, despite his order. And with mindless pleas you come around his fingers, shutting your eyes tight at the white splotches. Legs flexing and fingers tightening in his hair. You let your head drop as he works you through the feeling, until you’re pushing him off from overstimulation. Your cheeks feel akin to a forest fire when you open your eyes to his huff, tracing the lines of the hardwood floor under your feet. When he pulls his fingers out of you, you can feel some of the slick drip down your thighs and you instantly burn brighter.

But you don’t get to think about it, because Kuroo is straightening up before you, back to his overwhelming posture above you. He stares at you for a moment, before he leans in. Out of instinct, you lean back, away from his face when he wipes it. The glint in his eyes is a scorch mark on your sanity, his face so close to yours. “Can’t you listen to what I say, or are you just that cockhungry and stupid?” Your head is shaking side to side before you can stop it, hoping that you’ll be released soon. But you said you’d help him and if you don’t, Kuroo might hate you. You don’t think you could handle that. Rejection would’ve been better, after all. “Get on your knees and make it up to me.”

You choke back a sob at the order, looking up at him with big eyes again. You don’t want to, you don’t want to sit on the cold floor of the locker room where teenage boys drag their sweaty bodies— Kuroo seems to soften slightly at your expression, lowering his palm to your crown to pat your head, gently brushing over your temple. “You’re my biggest fan, aren’t you?” The low rumble of his voice right next to your face, his warm body so close and the curl of his pretty lips, everything makes you so docile. Dreamlike. “You’re really helping me so much,” he coos, and before you know it his mouth is on yours. His mouth… is on yours. And he tastes like you, and he’s kissing you. You freeze, not stopping him as he grabs your hands and loops them around his neck, his own picking you up to melt into an embrace.

Like two lovers in a painting, he claims your mouth with his tongue and curls your feeble body into him. So strong, with hard lines of his body that make your heart swell under your ribs. His hand on your thigh, the other on your neck, he kisses you and you think the stars might be exploding around you. He pulls back for a moment enough to breathe, before peppering another few kisses on your agape lips until you could turn black and blue from the bruising weight of your adoration. Kuroo brushes your hair away as you look at him, chest heaving against his each swell of your lungs. He starts peeling his lanky body away from you. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just thought that you were my biggest fan, but if you don’t—”

“No, I am!” you squeak, grabbing onto his jersey to keep his warmth close.

The noirette gives a faint smile, shaking his head. You don’t stop to question him acting so different from before, since your greedy brain clings to every word. “It’s okay,” he mumbles, “I’m used to being taken advantage of by girls.” His eyes shift to the side, lips dropping into a downturn. “They tell me how much they care about me so that I’ll have them, then leave me. I know my teammates are always the favorites anyway. So I understand that you don’t want to do anything more, it’s okay.”

“No Tetsuro, I want to, I swear!” you blurt out, grabbing his large hand despite the jitters in your system. He gives you a slight raise of his eyebrow. “I want to— s-suck you off.”

He chuckles, gaining back some of the brightness to his eyes. “You can’t even say it without stuttering.” The hand on your neck slides to your shoulder, slowly pushing you toward the ground. You hesitate for another moment, before dropping to your knees when the pressure becomes too heavy. When you’re eye level with his shorts, you swallow, bringing up your hands. The fabric is pulled taunt, showing off your effect on him. Ever so slowly, you pull the elastic of the red shorts down, taking his boxers with them in the process. You push them down until his hard cock is freed, curving up towards his belly and twitching with anticipation. Kuroo just bites his lip when you look up at him. “Give it your best shot, baby.”

He’s hot and heavy in your hand, tip glistening with precum. You slowly start moving your hand down his length, but you’re clearly not going fast enough because his hand is back in your hair, yanking you closer to his dick this time. He presses the tip to your lips, and you whimper out as you open your mouth. He’s quick to grab hold of himself to push inside, too quick and stretching you painfully. He’s big and wide and you immediately know you’ll ache once this is done. But as he starts working himself deeper, your eyes fluttering at the feeling and focusing on not choking, he makes pretty grunts that you tell yourself make this worth it. He reaches the back of your throat with plenty to spare, and you bring your hand up to hold yourself on his thigh. It stings.

But he doesn’t stop, even when you whimper around him and push at his leg. “Take it all the way,” he grunts, cocking his head back. The noises you make only make him more vocal, but you’re fighting through the feeling of panic in your chest. Each time he pulls back more saliva messes up your face, keeping Kuroo’s attention on the pretty way you take him. “You think you deserve my attention? My dumb, useless little bitch wants my approval?” He grunts when he hits the back of your throat again. “Because if you can’t even take my cock in your mouth without drooling all over yourself, I don’t think you do deserve it.” He slows his hips when you make a throaty sound, fingers tangled tight in your hair as he pushes in until your nose is pressed to his skin, before letting you back. You gasp for air when you’re finally let up, holding a sob that threatens to crawl out of your throat.

“Kuroo, I can’t,” you bring out, wiping your fingers under your eyes to get rid of any tears, but he doesn’t let go. Your voice is already raspy, grating against your tender throat.

“Yes you can, you’re doing well.” He pushes his cock back to your lips and though you’re more prepared for it this time you’re still shocked by how big he feels. Spit seeps out along the edges of your mouth, tongue being pushed down and your lungs struggling. He moves your head up and down his cock over and over, barely leaving you enough time to take a couple deep breaths. He slowly starts fucking your face when the tears spill over your cheeks and clump your lashes, hissing when you gag on him. “That’s how you suck a cock, idiot. Can’t do anything right without my help, can you?” His words just make you cry more. He bruises your throat until you can’t take any more, pulling out of his grip despite the pain and falling back onto your butt.

“Kuroo,” you cry out, losing control over your own tears. Your voice sounds double, like it’s been split in two. “I don’t like this.” A little squeak falls from your lips, airways painful and ragged. “I want—,” this time you can’t hold back the sob, “I want you to be nice to me.” You sound so pitiful, even to your own ears. You’re crying. But the man you’ve looked up to for so long is calling you all these names, making you feel so dumb. Are you really that dumb for liking him, supporting him, being his fan? “I don’t wanna do any more.” Tears are flowing, wet and warm down your cheeks and neck. Stop, stop crying. You reach a hand up to smear them away, but in their place new ones still come. “Please, I wanna go home.”

“Shh, shhhh,” he hushes, petting the top of your head like you’re a well-behaving pup, and you hate how you lean into it. The idea of yourself makes you sick to your stomach. Why are you even letting him walk all over you like this? Is this really the amount of self respect you have? Kuroo peers down at you between his legs. “You’re doing so well for me. You’re the best fan I could ask for. I’m sure you can take a bit more.”

“No,” you squeak when he reaches for your face again, “it hurts and I don’t like it.”

Kuroo stills. Regards you with a long, drawn-out breath, before humming in what you pray is understanding. “Alright,” he helps you up from the floor, steadying you in his arms and moving you both to one of the benches instead. “I wouldn’t want to hurt my number one fan, would I?” He sits down on the bench first, pulling you to sit on his thighs facing him. You wipe the mess of tears and saliva away as best you can, watching as Kuroo slides you closer to him without a care in the world. And you want to be mad, you want to push off him and do anything other than sit here and take it, but you can’t. You can’t, because you’re weak. You can’t, because you’re an idiot fangirl, and he’s been everything you’ve wanted since you were thirteen.

“Push your legs together,” he orders, squishing your thighs and reaching down to slip his cock in between them. He fucks your legs with the last of his restraint, pace from fast to punishing, kneading the doughy expanse between his fingers and pressing his forehead to your shoulder. You can feel the warmth of his breath, the shudder down his spine and the tensing of his legs below you, but you don’t process it. Everything feels far away. And then he calls out your name, and cums on your thighs, spilling white all over your panties and skin. He kisses your neck, and your lips after that. And you just stare at the tiles of the boys room showers before he slides you off of him.

Your legs tremble. He quickly uses a towel to clean himself up before tucking himself back in, and smiles down at you. “Thank you so much, baby, that was perfect.” He leans down to press a kiss to your temple as he hands you the towel. “Clean up?” The fluffy towel with the red cat embroidered on it is stained with the cum you clean off yourself, as tears roll down your face. You loved him so much, but now you just hate him. Embarrassed, hurt, useless. Kuroo’s bright face as he talks is another slap in yours. “Lighten up, I’ll lock up the gym for you, okay?” He smiles when you lift your eyes to his figure in the doorway, your crumpled skirt bunched in your hand. “And don’t even worry about it, I’ll walk you home. It’s the least I could do for my fan.”

It is the least he could do.

You nod and put up your most convincing smile.

///

thank you so so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed. did this have to be so long? probably not. did i make it that long anyway? yes. mean kuroo will live rent free in my brain for the coming six months.

[idmakeitbehave]

This I Know {Spencer x Reader}

Chapter Four

masterlist

series table of contents

summary: a little backstory, a little panic- all in a day’s work

word count: 1.6k

July 2004

“Remind me why the hell we decided to do this in the middle of the summer? I swear it has got to be the hottest day of the year,” you grunted, sweat dripping down your back as you weaved through the hurdles.

“Crime waits for no one,” Mia huffed as she ran alongside you. “Besides, we need to beat Gomez and his squad. Show those boys who’s boss.” 

“I already beat him in hand to hand, what more could he want?”

“I think he needs a little more ass-kicking, take him down a peg,” she said.

A whistle sounded across the yard. “Ladies! Less chit-chat, more laps.”

You exchanged a look with Mia before dashing off to the track, her not far behind you. 

You were halfway through your tactical training at the Academy, and while it was the most difficult thing you had ever done, you had never been more motivated. After finishing your second degree, this one in Behavioral Psychology, you had been trying to plan your next move when you had seen them. There was a killer on the loose a town away from you, one with a penchant for young college students and ritualistic staging. You had been following the murders via the news, simultaneously worried for your own safety and fascinated by the case. A press conference caught your eye where you learned that the BAU was in town- the Behavioral Analysis Unit. You had heard of them of course, who in your field hadn’t? But it wasn’t until you attended a seminar a few months later by the man you had seen on the news, Jason Gideon, that you knew. This was what you were meant to do. You made it your life’s mission to get on that unit, whatever it took. 

Mia was one of the first classmates you met at the Academy, and the two of you had become friends almost instantly. You were paired up for one of the first drills, and you had both reveled in the fact of being the only all-female team to make it through. Your shared drive- that and your love for baking, musicals, and all things ghost related- had bonded you from that moment on. You couldn’t imagine life without her. 

You made it back to the dorm with Mia after a grueling day of defensive drills and scenarios, both drained. Flopping onto the floor beside you, she let out an exhale. “What. the. hell.”

You smirked at the way she had her arm dramatically across her forehead, her legs sticking up on the side of her bed. The feeling was completely mutual.

She propped herself up on her elbow, wiping her hair out of her face. “Aren’t you exhausted?”

“Obviously, Mee.” 

“You don’t look exhausted. You look… psychotic,” she said.

You let out a laugh, rolling your eyes. “If you’re trying to profile me, I think you might be way off.” 

“Hey now,” Mia snickered, kicking you lightly in the shin. “You’re the one who wants to be a profiler. I just want to be on the good old goon squad, busting down doors and shit. I don’t need to know anything about that psychosis crap. But either way you look psychotic.”

You looked down at your sweaty outfit, covered with grass, mud, and other various stains from the day. There was a tear in your pants from when you had tackled the mock-unsub and single-handedly taken him down during a drill, much to Gomez’s dismay. You could feel your hair matted with mud from the takedown, and you saw yourself through Mia’s eyes. The bright smile on your face definitely didn’t match just how beat up and worn out you looked, but you couldn’t seem to keep it off your face. 

“I’m just happy, Mee. This is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.” 

“You’re gonna do great things, buttercup.” Mia lifted a fist out to you, dramatically sighing with the effort. 

You bumped it with yours, that same grin still on your face. “We both are.”

—————

Present Day

You pressed yourself into the corner of your room, arms wrapped tightly around your legs. You could feel a panic attack coming on- your breath was coming out ragged and your vision was blurring. The events of the past few days had finally caught up to you. The compartmentalization that you so often used when things went wrong was failing you. This was just too much, more wild than you had ever had to deal with before.

What was real? Did you even know anymore? More to the point- would you ever know? The possibility that you might never remember threatened to suffocate you.

Spencer came back into the room, taking one look at you and dropping to the floor beside you. “Hey, hey, look at me.”

You started to shake, your chest heaving as you sobbed. “I can’t breathe, Spence. I-I can’t breathe. It hurts.” Hot tears ran down your face and you felt a warm hand on your cheek. 

Spencer whispered your name at first before repeating it more forcefully, turning your face towards him. “Look at me.” 

You were looking right at Spencer, but it was hard to make out his features, your vision still swimming. “It hurts,” you whispered, still gasping for air.

“You’re having a panic attack,” Spencer murmured. “You’re safe, you’re here in our apartment. You’re with me.” He meant well, of course he did, and you were sure that he had used the same words to ground you before, but given the current circumstances, it did little to help you. 

“I-I don’t know you,” you cried, the thought just serving to panic you more. “I don’t know anything.” 

A look of anguish flashed through his eyes, but he concealed it quickly- too quickly for it to be anything but forced, practiced even. “Can you breathe with me? Take a deep breath.” He counted to five, breathing in deeply and motioning for you to do the same. 

You took a shaky breath, your hand gripping the one that Spencer held on your face. You were squeezing it so hard that you were sure he must be in pain, but he made no move to remove his hand from your grasp. He repeated the breaths in and out, and you mirrored him as you tried to control your breathing. 

Spencer wiped the tears from your face as you hiccuped, choking back a sob. “What do you need?”

“I need space,” you gasped, “I need Mee.” 

Spencer nodded, handing you your phone from the bedside table. “Take another breath, angel. Call her. I’ll be right outside.” 

You grabbed your phone from him and nodded your thanks, your breaths slowly becoming steady. He pressed a kiss to your forehead before heading towards the bedroom door. You smiled weakly as he closed the door before dialing a number you had known by heart for the last six years.

“Oh buttercup, I’m so glad to hear from you.” The familiar voice on the other end was so immediately comforting, you heaved a sigh of relief, your arms finally relaxing around your legs.

“Mee,” you cried. “Mee, thank god.” 

“Spencer told me what happened, I was so worried about you. I’m sorry I haven’t called, I wanted to give you your space until you were ready. How are you doing?” 

“You know Spencer?” 

You hadn’t even considered the possibility, these two worlds colliding. They felt like entirely different universes. This somehow made it seem more real. If Mia knew Spencer, it was real. You desperately wanted it to be real. You needed it to be.

Mia let out a sad laugh. “Of course. You haven’t stopped talking about that boy since the day you met him. I had to meet him to give my approval, obviously.”

“Oh Mee, it’s so good to hear your voice. I can’t believe this is happening. What the hell is happening?!” You paused, considering the distance of the past two years. “We’re still friends, right? We still talk? I will never forgive myself if we’re not still friends.”

She scoffed. “Hey now, you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. I’m still in the LA field office though, so we don’t see each other very often. But we talk on the phone at least every week. And we visit when we can- I met Spencer one of my first trips out there, right after you started dating.” 

“God. I wish- I wish I remembered anything.”

What had it been like- two of your favorite people meeting? You liked to imagine that it was wonderful, that Mia and Spencer had gotten along straight away. What if you never knew?

“I know, it’s gotta be a lot. I can’t even begin to imagine. But hey- Spencer said you were being your usual badass self when it happened. Not that that surprises me in the least.”

“He said that?”

“Not in so many words, but we all know you’re a badass. Always have been.”

It only took a few minutes of talking with Mia for you to be able to calm down completely. The two of you talked for the better part of an hour, laughing over tales of the Academy and your time together. Mia told you a little bit about what had been happening the last two years, but you were grateful that she kept bringing it back to a time you remembered- a time you knew. The comfort of talking to someone you knew, someone you actually, truly knew, was like no other. You could have cried from the sheer relief of it. 

There was a pause before you spoke again. “Mee? Am I happy? Here, with Spencer? In this life?”

The laugh on the other end was joyous. “Of course, buttercup. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happier- even that time you kicked Gomez’s ass.” 

 “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”-Jane Austen

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Taglist: @rexorangecouny​ @illuxions-x​ @cal-ifornication​ :)

[the-regal-warrior]

Making Mat: Part One

Welcome to my new Elorcan AU!! Yes, this definitely stemmed from the fact that I’ve watched Cheer like a million times, but I tried to write it so it would make sense if you haven’t seen the show. I’m so excited to share this little mini-series with you - it’ll be three parts in total!

Summary: It’s an Elorcan meets Cheer AU, because why not? Elide Lochan: member of the champion Terrasen University cheer team. Lorcan Salvaterre: serving his country in the army and Elide’s loving boyfriend. Watch their love unfold as their friends try to get him home to see her.

Warnings: Just some language, I think!

.

It was a very big day - probably the biggest day of the entire season. Well, aside from Banjali. 

Elide could practically feel the entire squad buzzing with energy as she walked into the gym. She was a member of the cheer team at Terrasen University, which just so happened to be the reigning champion collegiate cheer squad - and the most decorated. They’d won more than any other team, and just making the squad was a huge honor.

But today was the day they could be granted the greatest honor of all - being chosen for mat. Even though there were forty members, only twenty of them could actually compete at the Collegiate Championship Competition in Banjali, Eyllwe. They worked hard all season - basically competing amongst themselves - to prove themselves to be deserving of one of those coveted spots. 

Tossing her bag onto the bench, she was just turning to go stretch with some of the others on the mat when she was lifted into a hug from behind and spun around. She squealed in surprise, her fingers gripping the muscular arms around her waist - arms she thought belonged to her boyfriend’s best friend in the entire world. A glance down proved her suspicions were right - a mountain range was inked across his left forearm in greyscale, a perfect match to the one on Lorcan’s arm.

“Vaughan,” she giggled, “put me down.” Expecting to find her feet on the ground, she shrieked when she was tossed into the air. Reaching down to brace her hands on his shoulders, he caught her just before she hit the ground, pulling her into a tight hug as he set her down. “You’re such a pain in my ass, Osten.”

“If that’s your polite way of saying that I’m your best friend,” Vaughan started, tickling her sides and chuckling when she giggled, “then I humbly accept.”

She huffed, but nodded anyway. “Mmm, I mean, I’m basically stuck with you because of Lorcan.” He rolled his eyes, so Elide leaned up to press her lips to his cheek in a quick kiss. “I’m just kidding, love. You know I’m glad of your friendship.”

“I’m glad of yours, too.” Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Vaughan began steering her in the direction of the mat. “Besides, as his best friend, it’s basically my duty to look after his girl while he’s gone.” Lorcan Salvaterre, Elide’s boyfriend and Vaughan’s best friend, was serving in the army, and he’d been deployed to Adarlan’s base in Melisande for almost nine months. She missed him terribly, but she was glad that she and Vaughan had become close. It was a way for the two of them to bear the weight of missing someone they both loved so much.

She giggled, coming to the stop at the edge of the mat. “And he’d kill you if anything happened to me while he was gone, right?”

“Erm, yeah, more or less.” Vaughan scratched the back of his neck and offered her a small smile. “But that’s not the only reason I’m your friend - I hope you know that.”

Taking his hand as she turned to look at the two people taking turns tumbling across the open space in front of them, she murmured, “of course I know that - but thank you.” 

He squeezed her hand in a silent thank you, and then they both immediately started laughing when they realized that the two people tumbling like beasts across the floor were Fenrys and Asterin. They were the two best tumblers on the team, and it was fairly common to see them trying to out-tumble one another.

The fact that they had been dating for almost three years only seemed to make them more competitive. As Elide folded her legs and sank down onto the mat, Asterin flipped her golden ponytail over her shoulder and arched her brow at her boyfriend. 

Taking the silent dare, Fenrys winked at his girlfriend and took off across the surface, his body twisting and turning through the air so quickly that Elide almost struggled to keep up. He stuck the landing with a massive smile on his face and stepped back, gesturing for Asterin to take her turn.

She did so, with all of her usual swagger in place, even going so far to blow Fenrys a kiss before she sprang into action. If his pass had been difficult to follow, then hers could only be defined as practically impossible. Elide had always considered herself to be a decent tumbler, but Asterin made her look like she had no clue what she was doing. 

Slowly easing herself into a split and feeling her muscles starting to stretch, Elide watched as Asterin rounded on her boyfriend, giggling happily when he bowed his head and held his arms out to her. She launched herself at him, squealing when he caught her and spun her around.

Though she was happy for her friends, watching them be so happy together sent a pang of sadness right through her heart. Though she knew Lorcan was doing something he loved, something he was proud to do, Elide couldn’t help but wish that he was home with her. 

Her mind was consumed with thoughts of him as she continued stretching, though her mood improved significantly when she remembered that he, according to his last email, was supposed to be calling her later that night. She was just thinking that she’d have to ask her coach if she could break the no phones rule when the woman stepped up to the edge of the mat and called them all to attention. 

“Alright, everyone,” Evalin Ashryver Galathynius started, “I know you all know what today is - it’s Mat day. So, I won’t hold you in suspense. I have the list right here, so I’ll go through who’s actually on first, and then we’ll talk about who’s doing what.” Everyone shuffled off to the sides, leaving the center clear for those who had been chosen. “And remember,” she added, “just because you weren’t chosen doesn’t mean you’re not a valuable member of this team, okay?”

She waited for everyone to nod their agreement before reaching for the notebook on the chair behind her. Elide felt her nerves settle into the pit of her stomach, and she reached for the dark blue scrunchie flecked with little white stars on her wrist. Lorcan had given it to her - well, technically, he’d given it back, since he’d stolen it from the pack before she’d even had time to open it - before he’d left for his last deployment, and she only took it off when she absolutely had to. It was a source of comfort for her, a way for her to keep him close whenever he was gone, and it helped take the edge off her nerves. 

Evalin cleared her throat. “Okay, then: boys first. The eleven of you chosen are Sam, Ilias, Enda, Ress, Galan, Luca, Dorian, Nox, Aedion, Vaughan, and Fenrys.”

Elide could see each of the boys let out a sigh of relief when they were chosen, and she realized that the moment of truth was all but upon her.

“And now, the girls.” Her coach looked up at all of them for just a moment, offering them a small smile before she read the names. “Kaya, Briar, Edda, Vesta, Lysandra, Nehemia, Aelin, Asterin, and Elide.”

Feeling the smile pulling at her lips, Elide joined her teammates in the center of the mat, hugging Fenrys quickly before Vaughan was tucking her into his side with a happy little grin on his face. 

Evalin offered all of them a very happy smile as everyone else shuffled over to the back half of the gym to keep stretching. “So, I have a feeling you all know why you’ve been selected, but I’ll just go over it quickly. The stunt groups will be as follows: Elide, Fenrys, and Vaughan; Aelin, Aedion, and Nox; Vesta, Ilias, and Enda; Lysandra, Ress, and Galan; and Nehemia, Dorian, and Sam. Baskets will be all but Lysandra’s stunt group, with Lys joining Elide’s, Galan joining Aelin’s, Ress joining Nehemia’s, and Edda joining Vesta’s. Elide, Aelin, and Vesta will be the top girls in the pyramid, with Lys, Nehemia, Edda, and Briar as the other fliers. Luca, Asterin, and Kaya will be our main tumblers, though Fenrys will also be doing quite a lot as well.”

She’d been listening with rapt attention as her coach rattled off their spots, and she felt some of her nerves settle back in. Stunts, baskets, and pyramid, plus the necessary tumbling, was a lot to ask of one person, but Elide knew that she could handle it. She’d spent years training for this exact moment, and she was never one to back down from a challenge.

“Now that everything is all sorted,” Evalin began, “let’s get started on the pyramid. Take five more minutes to stretch and then we’re going to run this.”

Realizing that she’d better talk to her coach before practice really got underway, Elide jogged up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder.

Turning, the older woman offered her a smile. “Elide. What can I do for you?”

“Well,” Elide said, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder. “I sort of have a favor to ask you.” 

She arched an eyebrow questioningly, and Elide idly realized that was where her daughter must have picked up on the habit - Aelin had perfected the single-eyebrow-arch before they were teenagers. “What’s up, dear?”

“Okay, so I know you have the no phones rule, but Lorcan told me he’d be able to call tonight, and I was really hoping you’d be willing to bend it a little, just for tonight.” The words rushed out of her mouth in a single breath, and Evalin blinked at her, a slight smile on her face. “I was just really hoping you could keep an eye on my phone so I don’t miss his call?”

“Elide,” Evalin finally said, interjecting before she could keep rambling. “Of course I’ll watch for him to call - I know how important this is, and I’d never want you to miss it.”

Elide grinned, a happy little hum slipping through her lips as she hugged the other woman. “Thanks, Aunt Evalin!” Though they weren’t related by blood, Evalin and Elide’s mother, Marion, were as close as sisters, and the two families spent as much time together as they did apart.

“Of course, love.” She returned the hug before nudging Elide in the direction of the rest of the team. “Now, get yourself over there, miss. I’ve got a winning routine to perfect, and you’ve got a pyramid to run through.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She handed her phone over and jogged back to the mat, taking her place between Ress and Galan for the pyramid. Both of them offered her small smiles. Though she usually stunted with Fenrys and Vaughan, her starting spot took her away from the two of them. Not that it mattered - she trusted every member of this team with her life. 

“Alright, let’s do this!” Evalin yelled, clapping her hands twice and starting the music. 

Waiting for her cue, Elide took a deep breath and braced her hands on the boys’ shoulders. She nodded once, held still for two counts, and then she was moving. 

Being one of the top girls meant that she was constantly moving, constantly twisting and turning and flipping, being passed from one set of bases to the next to being braced on someone’s thigh or shoulders. She was rarely still, only hitting a pose for a matter of seconds before she was being tossed around again. Even though Vesta was the center top girl, the one who would be the focal point of the actual pyramid, Elide and Aelin were both given parts that were just as difficult. 

She lost count of everything that was going on in the gym around her, only focusing on the pyramid and her role in it, making sure that she was doing what she needed to be doing when she was meant to be doing it. 

It wasn’t until she’d been put safely back on the ground after their fifth - or was it the sixth? - run-through of the pyramid, Nehemia slinging an arm around her shoulders as they both tried to breathe, that she noticed Evalin was holding her phone in her hand. She gestured for whoever was FaceTiming her to wait for a moment before turning to face the team. “Okay, y’all, let’s take a break. Elide, someone’s on the phone for you.”

There was a loud chorus of “oooo” and “aww” echoing around her - everyone knew that she was waiting for him to call, but Elide hardly noticed. She was ducking around her teammates, all but sprinting for her coach. “Thank you, she managed to breathe before her phone was in her hands and her eyes met her boyfriend’s. “Lorcan!” she squealed, tears springing into her eyes.

“Hey beautiful,” he greeted, his normally stoic face splitting into the widest grin. “Are you crying, love?”

She sniffed, sinking to the ground and wiping the few tears that had slipped down her cheeks. “I just missed you, baby.”

He gave her a soft smile, and she noticed that there were unshed tears lining his eyes. “I miss you too, Elide.” They just stared at one another for a few moments, grateful for this time to catch up when they were apart, but eventually Lorcan broke the silence. “So, first things first - did you make mat?”

“I did! And I’ll be doing stunts, baskets, tumbling, and pyramid!”

She could see the pride filling his eyes. “I knew you would, El. I’m so proud of you, baby. Tell me everything.”

~*^*~

Vaughan watched Elide slowly sink to the ground, and the smile that spread across her face was as happy as he’d ever seen her. As he watched her keep talking, an idea was slowly forming in his head. 

Grabbing Aedion’s wrist where he was leaning against the wall next to him, he dragged him over to where Fenrys, Asterin, and Aelin had flopped down on the floor. “Please tell me I’m not the only one who sees how happy Elide is right now?”

“Aww, I know,” Asterin sighed, the others nodding along with her. “She really loves him.”

“They both love each other so much,” Fenrys added.

Aedion heaved a sigh. “I wish he could be here to see her - he’d be beyond proud of how talented she is.”

Vaughan nodded, a small smirk spreading over his face. Aelin noticed, and she raised an eyebrow at him. “What are you thinking over there, Vaughan?”

“What if we found a way to bring Lorcan home to see her - and us - cheer?”

The others were all telling him that they thought it was a wonderful idea when Elide’s voice reached them “Fenrys, Vaughan!” she yelled, waving them over. “Get your asses over here - Lor wants to talk to you!”

Agreeing to table the discussion for the moment, the two of them jogged toward Elide, though Vaughan knew that the gears were still turning in Fenrys’s head, just like they were still turning in his.

Whatever it took, he would find a way to bring his best friend home to see his girl.

.

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[flabotanum]

The AoS Finale - Where Everyone Ended Up

A Positive Review:

I’m just gonna preface this by saying: I don't think this was a perfect end to the show but in my opinion it came pretty close and I'm happy with it, so this is a positive outlook on where all the characters ended up. I’m not super interested in dwelling on what could have been and this show means a great deal to me so the fact that I’m overall happy with where everyone ended up is something I was hoping for and glad came to be. (This also ended up being way longer than anticipated hence the “keep reading” if your interested in my rambling)

The Nature of Family:

“Yet, this is the nature of families; I have seen it countless times on countless worlds. People arrive so we celebrate, and people leave us so we grieve. We do what we can with the time in between but the cycle is always there - no-one escapes it, not even me.” - Enoch (7x09)

The found family has always been my favourite aspect of the show, so finding out that the team wouldn't be together at the end (ever, because Deke stayed behind but also just them not staying a team) hit me hard. But after seeing it and how it was done, it honestly feels like a pretty realistic and bittersweet ending that fits the characters’ progression without ruining what I loved about their relationships. Because it doesn’t feel like they've really broken up the family – in fact, they feel like they're practically an actual family despite being apart now. That VR meeting they had was very reminiscent of an awkward family reunion, except we can clearly see that they all still love each other and aren’t interested in losing contact – there's no longer an imminent threat and so life goes on; the team members have their own lives now and those lives involve them not being together beyond meeting up every so often.

(Also, the spirit of a found family isn’t lost with the addition of Kora and Alya into these characters’ lives - sure, Daisy now has a biological sister and Fitzsimmons have their own kid but that doesn’t negate any of their other relationships to the team but instead makes it so that Kora and probably more so Alya are extensions of this larger family - like Deke was)

Happy Endings and New Beginnings (Each Character’s Ending):

LMC!Coulson: I fully expected LMC!Coulson to deactivate himself at the end of the season, but I actually like what happened with him in the end. Real Coulson being denied a peaceful death is what started this show and so when season 5 came, I was honestly happy that they ultimately let him die and it was a major concern for me that LMC!Coulson would take away from that, so seeing that in the end he was given full autonomy over that choice made me very happy. He's still with SHIELD but is also being allowed to do his own thing, and he is finally being left in charge of his own fate: the team obviously wants him to stick around but they are respecting his choice to decide that for himself. Plus, ending with him and Lola 2.0 flying off felt like a very good and satisfying bookend for the show to me.

May: I'll start with Philinda – I couldn't see any way for Coulson and May to end up together because the real Coulson had died and LMC!Coulson is ultimately not him; as much as I enjoyed their scenes together this season, it wouldn't have felt right to me for them to end up in a relationship together (and as for saving Real Coulson – they didn't go anywhere near that time and honestly saving Coulson would've been unfair to both him and LMC!Coulson, so I don't think it would've worked properly, especially with only 13 episodes)

So for May's actual ending: I think it's great. Over the course of the season it seemed to me that she was getting semblances of emotion back and in the VR meeting it looked like she was almost back to normal (I’ll admit that this should have been confirmed explicitly and overall explained a bit more but I digress). And as for being a teacher, she has been a maternal figure and S.O. for the majority of the show to several agents (primarily Daisy) and so ending the show with her retired from active field duty and becoming a teacher for a whole new generation of SHIELD agents (at Coulson Academy no less) felt like a wonderful ending for her character. It also felt - to me at least - like she and LMC!Coulson still have a bond (her offer was the only one he really responded to) and I think leaving it open was the best thing they could’ve done.

Daisy: I was always one of the fans that wanted Daisy to be the director at the end but given the character’s progression, I’m happy with what we got. Daisy has always been shown to be a good leader for small teams; we saw that with the Secret Warriors and the Space Team at the start of Season 6, so giving her a team and her own Zephyr to go out and explore space felt appropriate. She's in a place where she's comfortable with who she is and so allowing her to fill the role that Coulson had in her life with Kora brings her story full circle. She's "loving the journey" with Sousa and seems to be actually happy with her smaller space family. She was definitely the least comfortable with leaving the team for good, as shown by her looking at all the empty chairs at the end of the VR meeting and everything she said to Mack in 7x11, but I think it was important to show that despite the team splitting up, she still has that family - it’s just that she doesn’t see them all the time and that’s okay because they’ll still always be her family. (Also, Coulson asking her to give him a call when she got back felt a lot like a parent who’s kid had moved away which drove home that idea for me)

Fitz and Jemma: Not much to say for these two – they got their happily ever after with Alya and I think that's beautiful. Fitz fully retiring felt like the right call given that being a SHIELD agent was the cause of a lot of pain for him (I'm not saying it didn’t result in a lot of pain for everyone else because it definitely did, but I've always felt like Fitz would be better off living a peaceful and uneventful life since he's never really much enjoyed the good parts of being an agent like the others did). Jemma sort of retiring but helping Daisy with some stuff was also great. Honestly, just the two of them raising Alya is a good ending for them (not to mention Alya having this massive extended family that spoils her - it just warms my heart)

Deke: Deke probably has the most bittersweet ending because he doesn't get to see the rest of the team again. I have no doubt he'll look after the versions of the people he loves in his new timeline (like he told Mack he would) and he also has his own little found family with the Deke Squad (if I recall correctly, they said they’d be at the Triskelion after a few weeks so I don’t think they got killed when it went down) so I think he'd ultimately be happy. Sometimes you don’t get the girl but Deke made a major sacrifice for the girl he liked and the family he'd grown to love, and that’s a testament to how much he had grown from the guy we met in the future who didn’t understand how people would be willing to sacrifice like that. (Also, as much as it'd be nice for Alya to actually be Deke's mum - they kept saying “maybe” so I think they know the odds are extremely slim and are just being very hopeful - this ending made it so that messing up another timeline had actual consequences that Deke has to deal with and I can appreciate that)

Mack and Yoyo: I don’t have much to say for these two either. I was surprised that Mack remained at SHIELD but honestly, he's really grown into the job so him being the Director of a fully re-established SHIELD and getting to continue working with Yoyo, May and Coulson (and Daisy I think) in some capacity is nice – it also seems like he's enjoying it so that's great. Yoyo being a highly decorated agent, getting her own team and working for an institution she trusts (in no small part because Mack is in charge) is also a great ending for that character, because when we met her all she wanted was to make a difference which she can continue to do with SHIELD. (also Yoyo usually seemed to, for the most part, enjoy being an agent so that’s a happy ending I think).

All in all, I think that the way in which the show ended and where we see all the characters after a year was handled well. They’re all pretty happy but there’s a bittersweet realism in that they’re no longer all together and sometimes you have to embrace that life goes on. As far as I’m concerned, they’re still a family but they’ve entered new chapters in their lives - like Mack and Daisy said in 7x11, it’s not the same but that’s okay.

[levisnackajack]

The Wrath of War

Chapter Seventeen

“We’ll get through this,” Eren had said, pulling his friends into a tight, group hug. Eden nodded, the muffled voices around her slowly slowly becoming sharper and clearer. 

Where was she?

“You, Mikasa, Eden and I. We’ll join the Scout Regiment and fight for the sea. We’ll fight for the taste of freedom. And then when that day comes, we’ll sit together and reminisce about all the tough times we’ve gone through just to get to that moment,” Armin replied softly as they pulled away. 

Each child had a flame in their eyes. Two pairs of crystal blue eyes, a duo of onyx jewels as well as another pair of honey-colored eyes that glinted with a shade of emerald. After the horrors they had witnessed that day in Shiganshina; the deaths that had cracked through each crevice of their bones; they had vowed to fight until death grabbed their hand. 

Eden felt drowsy as the world around her slowed down and the faces of her friends grew blurry. She looked around to see the atmosphere change, those distant voices that rang at the back of her mind growing more realistic. 

“Hey, Eden, I brought you an apple. Well, honestly, Connie made me give it up. I actually really wanted to eat that apple...-” 

Slap

“Ouch, sorry. Scratch that, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just joking, hehe,” Sasha rambled on, rubbing her arm as she rolled her eyes at Connie’s irked stare. 

Velveteen lashes fluttered opened gradually; the immediate light burning her pupils. Eden hissed, shutting her eyes once more as she came to her senses at a dreadfully slow pace. She caught sight of the familiar layout vividly resembling the medical quarters situated at their base. 

Two light gasps bounced through the air. Her bed shifted under moving weight and once she took a deep breath; Eden managed to open one eye. 

Sasha and Connie stared at her through comically wide eyes. The girl blinked slowly at them, raising a weak hand to touch her pounding temple. 

“What...happened?” 

The duo exchanged glances and Sasha swallowed thickly. Connie bounced on his heels before clearing his throat and rubbing the back of his neck.

“You got severely injured on the battlefield. Safe to say, you were this close to being squeezed to death,” Connie pinched his fingers together, indicating the lack of space between his index and his thumb finger. “You’ve been out cold for the past couple of days, on IV’s and stuff, I don’t know.” 

Eden tried sitting up, but the weight of her tattered body pleaded her to remain still. “What do you mean I’ve been ‘out cold for the past couple of days’? What about Armin? He was with me, is he okay? And the rest, where are they?” The words trickled out through her lips like a mellow waterfall. 

Sasha sent her a wary smile, placing her hand over hers against the warm blanket. “Everyone from our team is healthy and safe. Unfortunately, we can’t say the same about Hange’s squad. She lost a couple of her comrades during the battle.” She lowered her eyes as she spoke, bottom lip quivering. 

Eden let go of a slow sigh, the movement causing her lungs to burn up and swell against her heart. She palmed the fabric of her blanket in between her fingers. “Shit. Was the mission a failure then? Did we manage to secure the sighting hotspot?” 

Both of her comrade-friends shook their heads glumly. Connie spoke up.

“We came back to help Hange’s team after seeing that separation would only make things worse. Captain Levi shot the final flare at the sight of literally a dozen titans heading our way. We just didn’t have enough manpower to push through all of them; especially since your team was already completely ambushed. No one expected it to be that bad...” 

Eden stayed silent as she tried to process his words. Her brain racked against her skull as she thought about all the pain and suffering her fallen comrades had experienced right before their lives were ripped out of their bodies by the vile, humanoid creatures. It made her blood boil and her lip quiver. 

“How did you manage to pull me out of the titan’s grasp? I can’t remember much except how peaceful I began feeling when I finally closed my eyes...I thought I was dead...”

“We’re so happy you’re not, Eden. What happened was...-”

“Excuse me, leave the poor girl to rest,” the familiar voice of the assigned nurse made her two friends jump out of their skin. She ushered them both out in an irritated voice before walking back to Eden. 

“Can you please tell me what’s wrong with me? When can I join my team back on the field...-”

“Not anytime soon, dear. You should be grateful you’re not currently six-feet under. Your lungs collapsed due to the pressure, so you’ll be sticking to bedrest for the time being until it gets better. Don’t look at me like that, I told you, it could’ve been worse. There was some internal bleeding that we stopped once you arrived, what else...ah yes, you’re lucky...this time, you managed to fracture just two ribs!” The nurse told her, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she spoke. 

Eden refrained from the need to roll her eyes at her and involuntarily winced instead at the sudden pains in her chest. The medic assured her that this would happen often until her internal organs heal with the help of medication, rest and the will to live. 

 Deep down, through all the trauma her body underwent that day; Eden’s mind was fixed on one tiny thought that seemed to devour her entire soul; would Captain Levi come and visit her? 

The day’s hours quickly trickled by as Eden spent it dealing with constant visits, naps and by sulking and glaring at the ceiling. She begged the nurse to give her something to numb the pain; but the older woman had assured her that she will do so after dinner.

Eden didn’t even have enough energy to snap back at her. 

The sun began settling, bringing in a warm, orange shade into the infirmary. The rays grazed against Eden’s blanket, caressing her skin softly as her body began to ache. Mikasa had just left, bidding her a good night after helping Eden bathe.

The injured girl felt like such a nuisance and begged her friend multiple times to leave, stating she could manage on her own. But Mikasa being Mikasa; never left her side. Her nurse finally injected her with a large dose of painkillers, assuring her that they would stop the pain for at least a couple of long hours. She had also told her that they would make her feel sleepy and droopy. Eden merely nodded and thanked her for the medication.

Now, tightly wrapped up in her warm duvet, the charcoal-haired girl counted the each clock tick; completely bored out of her mind. She didn’t feel like the medicine had kicked in yet; but the nurse had reassured her that it could take some time for them to kick in and knock her out. Her eye twitched at the sound of the door gently opening. 

A tender smile crept up on her face as he made his way towards her bed. 

“Hi, Jeanie-boy,” she greeted him softly, tilting her head towards him against the pillow. 

His expression was strained and that remained intact when he sent her a smile, pulling her hand into his. “Hi, darling. How are you feeling?” 

“I’ve been better, but I’ll manage. Can’t get rid of me that quickly now, can you?” 

He let go of a gentle huff, his thumb rubbing circles against her soft skin. Eden bit her lip, brows lacing together slightly. He remained silent, staring down at their interlinked fingers.

“Something is wrong. Talk to me,” she urged him gently, squeezing his hand with her palm. 

Jean pursed his lips tightly; clenching his jaw tightly as contemplation painted against his tense face. “Do you remember what happened...that day?” 

Eden’s own expression grew more rigid as she tried her best to call back any memories she had. She released an exasperated sigh, sinking deeper into the pillow. 

“I’m sorry Jean. I really can’t remember much. My horse threw me off the saddle; Armin came back for me...we ran towards the horses and then a titan just grabbed me. That’s all I recall.”

Jean bit his lip before running a hand across his face; shifting against her mattress. She watched him silently, afraid that if she pushed him; he’d snap at her. And she wanted Jean to open up on his own terms. 

“I feel like I can’t really do this anymore, Eden.” 

Her almond eyes grew larger, lips parting in wonder. “Can’t do what, Jean? What’s going on?” 

The boy only shook his head in response, eyes betraying how deep in thought he was. Eden’s heart clenched uneasily. 

“I can’t just share you. It’s not right and I don’t feel good knowing I can’t have you all to myself.” 

His confession hung in the air heavily. Jean watched her carefully as she tried understanding his words. But, to no avail. 

“I-I don’t understand. What are you talking about?” 

Jean pinched the bridge of his nose before saying, “You’ll understand what I’m telling you on your own terms. I’m sorry it has to go down this way. You mean so much to me, Chiasa. And I can fully understand the situation you’re in right now. The confusion and all. I’ve been in that position. Which is why I’m trying to help you make things easier- even if nothing makes sense to you right now.”

Eden placed her other hand over his, grazing the skin on the back of his palm reassuringly. She listened intently to each word; feeling her heart crack just a little bit.

“I don’t want to lose you, Jean.”

The boy made a face, leaning in closer towards the resting girl. “Psh, who said anything about losing anyone? There’s no way in hell you’ll lose me, Eden; you can trust me on that. Otherwise, you can write a letter to my mother and tell her how embarrassed I was when she sent me that stuffed plush bear and you were the one who caught me with it.” 

The memory made Eden laugh, her eyes crinkling at the edges as Jean’s own brown eyes twinkled down at her. 

“That’s a deal.” 

Jean leaned in closer, pressing his warm, plush lips against Eden’s forehead. She closed her eyes, taking in his scent that seemingly overwhelmed her entirely. Everything with him was so cozy, definite and practically perfect. It was such a stark juxtaposition to the feelings the man with steely, blank eyes sparked within her. 

“But, just because I’ve decided to let you go now, does not mean I will not keep trying,” he muttered when pulling away. Eden sent him a toothy grin that was masked with a layer of grimness once her question slammed against her brain.

“Can you tell me what happened after I blacked out?” 

Jean’s eyes darkened as he looked down at their hands. He gritted his teeth, craning his neck to the side before meeting her curious gaze. 

“I...I was the one who saved you.” He hesitated for a moment, but continued nevertheless. “When all went to shit and the Captain shot the terminated mission flare; I made my way back to you. I don’t know what it was, but I just knew that something was wrong. I found Armin charging at the bastard that had grabbed you, aiming for its wrist tendon but...I managed to slice its nape seconds before you were going to land in its mouth. It was a miracle, really. If I was even a millisecond late; you would have...died.” 

Eden felt like the air was knocked out of her bruised lungs. She looked away, realization creeping down her spine as she thought back to how close she was to death. Only to be saved and gifted with another chance at life. She suppressed a yawn, her lids growing heavier.

Jean released an empty, humorless laugh; shaking his head at the memories that flashed before his eyes. “And then, when I got to you...you said his name.” He stood abruptly, gently laying Eden’s hand back against the softness of the duvet as she watched him sleepily; her mind overpowered by the drug previously injected into her bloodstream to tend to the pains. 

She was drowning in so many questions, but felt like she didn’t have enough time to answer them for herself. She called for Jean gently; earning a sweet, supple smile from the boy as he gazed down at her. His head snapped towards the entrance and immediately, his expression contorted into one filled with deep-rooted vexation. 

“Out of everyone within the walls; why him?” Jean muttered under his breath- a question devoted more to himself rather than the dazed girl on the brink of slumber. He bid her a good night and went his separate way.

Eden groaned in response, her lids completely slipping shut by the time the sound of approaching boots had reached her ears. 

Tags: @idiot-juice-enthusiast   @hadassackerman

Thank you for all the support!! xx

Link to the story in AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28919136/chapters/70952145

[sophielovesbarnes]

All or nothing, chapter three.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Winchester!reader

Warnings: Mention of death, fluff, drinking.

Author note: Took me a while to write this one, I had a horrible writer’s block, and yesterday I managed to break it.

I hope you enjoy the chapter, let me know if you want to be tagged.

Requests are open.

Gifs are not mine.

Masterlist

Chapter two

Chapter three.

Why the hell did you have to wait until the last minute to start cleaning? You mentally slap yourself and sigh before getting back to scrub the floor; you wanted to give Spencer a good image and for what you have learned so far, he is a neat person and likes very clean spaces, which is why you were in the middle of an intensive cleaning session. 

You aren’t much of a messy person, but you are also in college, so there is unfolded laundry on the couch, empty food containers on the kitchen, dirty dishes in the sink, and shoes on the floor, and you have had a hell of a week, after meeting Spencer on Tuesday, you spent all night on the moon, then on Wednesday you had to spend all the afternoon doing homework, so now you had a lot of work to do, including packing to go back home after school on Friday. 

“Come one Y/N, stop procrastinating and get to it.” 

Three hours later the kitchen and the living room are spotless, your laundry is folded and stacked on your closet, there is nothing on the floor, your suitcases are ready and the lasagna is in the oven, and there is freshly baked garlic bread on the table. 

You admire your work as you rub your wet hair with a towel, trying to absorb as much water possible so you can blow dry it, then you go back to your room so you can find something decent to wear in your closet, you end up choosing the blue summer dress Sam gave you for your birthday last year, you had been saving it for a special occasion and this was definitely one.

When you are ready you finish setting the table and at 6 o’clock on the dot your doorbell rings. 

***

Spencer has changed a total of seven times in a lapse of fifteen minutes, he can’t remember the last time he felt this nervous.

He likes you, he really does, and it shouldn’t be possible to like someone this much in such a short span of time, but you are the most gorgeous girl he has ever been with, and you are also funny, and kind, and smart, and as hard as it seems you both share so many interests in common. 

But at the same time you are like him you are also quite the opposite, you take him out and far away from his comfort zone, and it is both exciting and terrifying, but it makes his mind wander and worry, will he be enough for you? And if he is, if you manage to get into a relationship, how will you make it work? With him living 576 miles away from you, and you both having such different lifestyles. 

He also has Maeve on mind, he couldn’t keep her safe, and he has seen the families and loved ones of his time getting in the crossfire, he saw it with Hotch, when Hayley got killed by Foyet, and he is terrified by the idea of something happening to you because of him. 

He stops himself and tries to shake the shiver from his spine, he shouldn’t be worrying so much at this point, he brings himself back to the hotel room and stares at the mirror and finally decides what to wear, the blue sweater with the matching tie will do, he tries to tame his hair with his fingers and then he leaves his hotel room, he is lucky enough to have both Morgan and Rossi out so he won’t be asked to explain something he hasn’t finished understanding. 

The address you gave him is quite close to the hotel he is staying in so he decides to walk, the city is nice and he can see why do you like it so much, sooner than he expected it he finds himself in front of the apartment complex that you indicated, he builds himself with courage and he rings the bell, the gate opens and he enters and calls the elevator on the fourth floor he gets down and knocks on your door.

When you open he is astonished, you look incredibly beautiful, you are wearing your hair down and curled, and the blue dress you are wearing hugs your body perfectly, and just like that he confirms one more time how much he likes you.

“Spencer! Hi, come on in.” He enters, closing the door behind him and you give him a smile.

“I-I got you these.” He gives you the bouquet of gerberas he bought in the way and he sees your eyes sparkle as you receive them.

“They are so pretty! Thank you.” You head to the sink, fill a vase with water and then you place the flowers on the kitchen bar. “Please take a seat, can I get you anything to drink?” 

“Water is fine.” He answers admiring your house, it’s small and cozy and all the pictures on the walls make it feel like a home. “It’s a nice place.” 

“Thank you, I owe it to Dean, like pretty much everything in my life.” The timer rings, giving you the cue to turn off the oven and take out the lasagna, you put on your gloves and take it, and then put it on the heat proof mat you had placed on the table. “I hope you are hungry.”  

“Starving.” He replies with a soft smile. 

You cut the lasagna and serve it on both of your plates, Spencer gives you a soft smile thanking you, you sit in front of him and raise your glass.

“To us.” He imitates your action and clinks his wine glass with yours. “Cheers.”

“Did you know that “Cheers” originated from the old French word chiere which meant “face” or “head.” By the 18th century, it meant “gladness,” and was used as a way of expressing encouragement.” He rambles. “And toasting is thought to come from sacrificial libations in which a sacred liquid was offered to the gods in exchange for a wish, or a prayer for health. It was Greek and Roman tradition to leave an offering to the gods, including alcoholic beverages, during celebrations and commonly after a death. In Greek mythology, the god of wine, Bacchus, was often toasted.”

“I did, and did you know that in Medieval times, glasses were clinked and people cheered loudly to ward off any demons or evil spirits? And that there are theories that say that it was done to avoid poisoning?” You reply, and he is fascinated to be able to talk with someone that is actually interested on this kind of facts and willing to talk about them with him. 

You take a sip of your wine and smile at him, and he could swear his heart jumps every time you do it.

“Bon appetit.” 

He takes the first bite and then looks at you with his eyes wide open.

“This is really good.”

“Thanks, it’s my mom’s recipe. She used to have a restaurant and people would make lines to try her food.”

“Are those your parents?” He asks pointing to the picture of your parent’s wedding, it was your favorite photograph of them, your mom looks beautiful in her white dress and she seems so happy and your dad is looking at her, and you can see the love in their eyes. 

“Yeah.” You reply, nostalgia running through your veins. 

“It’s a nice picture, do they live in Kansas as well?”

“No.” You take a deep breath and then continue. “They are gone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, it has been a long time.” You sigh and try to keep your emotions on the line. “They died in a car crash when I was eleven.”

“That’s why I owe Dean so much, when the accident happened Adam was already in college, but I was still little, and my aunt Sabine tried to take me back to Minnesota, but Dean wouldn’t have it, he filled to be my legal guardian and he went to trial against my aunt and he won, then he sold his bachelor’s apartment and bought a house for the both of us and he became both my mom and my dad.”

“He sounds like a great brother.”

“He is, I’m lucky to have him, and Sam and Adam, they are quite amazing.” You take the picture from your first competition and show it to him. “These are my brothers, Dean is carrying me, Sam is on the left and Adam is on the right.”

“You look really happy.”  He comments.

“Yeah, I was, it was probably one of the best days of my life.” You reply, filled with joy of reliving the memory, the moment when your team was announced champion, the proud looks on your brothers’ eyes, the screams of excitement coming from your teammates, and the intense feeling of joy running through your veins. “It was my first all star competition, man, you should've seen Dean, he bragged about it for months.”

“For how long have you been a cheerleader?”

“I started with ballet and gymnastics when I was 3 and I joined the squad at my elementary school as soon as I got in.”

“What do you like about it?”

“Well, I love dancing and I love sharing joy, cheerleading lets me do both.”

“Are you planning to do it professionally?” He asks.

“I don’t think so, to be honest I think I would rather develop my career as a psychologist, I would also like to have a dance academy, but I think that would be an extra.” You take a small pause to admire the soft color of his eyes and then ask. “What about you? Did you always know that you wanted to be an FBI agent?”

“Not really, I knew that I wanted to help people but I wasn’t sure how, then when I was 22 I decided to join the FBI.” 

“Have you ever considered doing anything else?”

“A part of me would like to teach, but I don’t think I do good in front of many people.” 

“Well being honest, I loved hearing you.” You see his cheeks blush and he looks away for a moment.

“Thank you.”

You finish eating while doing small talk, you ask him about his career, his team, you see how enthusiastic he gets when he talks about them, when he tells you how they became his family.

He also tells you about his mom, about how she slowly deteriorated and how much it scares him to get sick like her. When he is speaking you place your hand on top of his, he gives you a small smile and then changes the subject. 

“Tell me about your brothers.”

“Well, Dean’s the oldest, and he has always taken care of all of us, he is the most loving person I know. He taught me how to ride a bike and helped me to do my homework every day until highschool. 

He is a mechanic, he has his own workshop where he does restorations on vintage cars, he was also a soldier, he enlisted after 9/11, that’s where he met Castiel, he was an army doctor, he crushed on him but he was already married to Lisa, and she was expecting Ben, my nephew, then he came back home but he and Lisa didn’t work together as a couple anymore, they tried to stay together for Ben, but they weren’t happy, so they got divorced and stayed as friends, then like fifteen years later Dean got in a small car accident and the doctor that got his case was Castiel, they started dating very little after that, and they got married three years ago, this year they adopted a little boy, Leo, he is the love of their lives.” 

While you are talking Spencer looks at you with attention, and your hand never leaves his. 

“Sam’s the smart one, he studied law at Stanford and he is now a junior partner on one of the biggest firms on Kansas, he is married with Jess, they have two daughters, Marie and Elizabeth, and Adam studied Mechanical Engineering at KU, he works on the workshop with Dean, and he is expecting a baby with Jo, who is basically my sister, they used to hate each other they were always jumping at the other’s neck, so it was definitely a surprise.”

“Do you miss living in Kansas?”

“Yeah, I do, sometimes I get very lonely here, I have friends and all but, it’s not the same as having my family here, that’s why I love vacations so much, because I can go back home and see them.”

“Yeah, I get the feeling.”

Talking to him is easy, when you are with him you don’t feel the need to keep your guard up, you feel like you can trust him with anything, when you talk he listens with attention, he actually listens, not like other boys you have met, that only wait for you to stop talking so they can focus the conversation on them, and when he talks you are fascinated, he is insanely smart and well educated, you have the most interesting conversation you have had in your entire life , and time seems to fade away, when you notice it, it’s already past midnight.

He helps you to clean, after you finish you walk him to the door, you are standing under the threshold when you both start to speak at the same time, you chuckle softly and then let him start.

“Thank you for having me.”

“It was my pleasure.”

Then you stay in silence, and you allow yourself to get lost in his eyes, slowly you get closer to him, so close you can feel his soft breath over your mouth, he hesitates for a minute but then he places his hand on your waist and then you close the distance between your lips and his. 

Kissing you has to be the most exhilarating feeling he has ever had, it is like his lips were meant to be in yours, you run your fingers through his hair and then he pulls you closer to him, making your chest rest on his, your lips move softly and in synchrony his his. 

He wonders if you can feel his heart beating, because it seems like it may abandon his chest at any moment.

Every shadow of doubt fades away, at that very moment he makes the decision that he is not willing to let you slip away from him, he will fight to keep you next to him, he will do whatever it takes.

“Good night Doctor Reid.”

Tags: @that-aesthetic-wannabe

[histrionic-dragon]

Father’s Day Double Drabble

 (Warning: bittersweet)

 It wasn’t my fault, okay? I couldn’t have known. We were spot-checking all over the timeline, and all of the Avengers were volunteering for random things. Everyone was careful to not cross their own timeline to avoid any “OMG, it’s my evil twin” scenarios, but the temporospatial coordinates for this mission were not going to be a problem for this one. It was 1917 and not in the US. He double-checked to confirm the rules and safeguards for interacting with locals. I sent him and his team through. No problems.

Later, Sergeant Barnes stopped by and asked me where Steve was. Usually, if he’s in the compound he’s either in the gym or the offices, and Barnes must have expected me to say one of those, because he did a double-take when I told him about the mission. His face went sort of still before he nodded and thanked me and walked away. I maintain that that still wasn’t a red flag. Maybe he had something he wanted to talk with Cap about and was upset that he wasn’t around. Things happen.

Teams started reporting in about then—the usual reports of “all clear,” no lasting effects of whatever removing the Time Stone from the timeline seemed to have done. I logged it all and relayed key points to check out. Around the room from me, I could see and hear my colleagues doing the same. Sometimes I feel like we’re just a fancy call center—text center? You can send messages through time and space, but not voice, yet. Stark swears he’s working on it. Anyway, everything seemed to be going fine.

Then Cap’s team started reporting that they’d lost track of Cap.

That happens, sometimes—someone on a team gets pulled into a conversation with locals and has to blend in, loses touch with their squad, misses a check-in. It’s not normally an issue. But people kept reporting it, until all four other people on the squad said they’d missed him for a period of more than an hour, their time. I started to get worried, because . . . . Well. It was supposed to be a quiet day, but we’d still sent them back in time to a war zone. I was still fielding other teams’ issues, too, though, and Googling period slang for someone to find out whether they’d been propositioned or not kind of took precedence for a while. Then I heard an “ahem” and Nick Fury was standing in front of my desk. Just standing. Staring. Looking not very happy.

I might be a desk agent, but I am a SHIELD agent. I did not squeak or crap my pants. I asked if I could help him. He asked how long Cap had been missing now, local time. I checked. There had been updates. It was something like three hours, and he’d spent most of that talking with some private who’d apparently mistaken him for his wife’s cousin or something.

Didn’t seem that bad to me, but Fury grabbed my laptop (hey!), asked a few more questions that I didn’t see the answers to, and authorized the team there to “haul his ass back, bodily if need be.” Then he asked what godforsaken idiot authorized Cap going back to this place and time.

I took that a little bit personally. I had, but it wasn’t like it was going to make any difference! It wasn’t like he’d even been born yet!

“Yeah,” Barnes said from behind me (scary ninja assassin! Gah!). He wasn’t looking at me or Fury, though. He was looking at the gate. “That’s kind of the point.”

Before I could ask what the hell, the gate flashed and Rogers and the team stumbled through it. Fury started yelling, but Cap ignored him. Just ignored him. He looked around and I realized his eyes were red. He saw Barnes and stumbled straight to him. Barnes caught and hugged him. It was like seeing people meeting up again after the Blip. Cap’s face was smashed into Barnes’ shoulder--I’m pretty sure he was crying--and Barnes kept patting his back and going “shh, shh, it’s okay.”

“No, it is not okay,” Fury barked, stomping over to them. “Exactly how much did you tell him, Rogers?”

Oh shit. One of those questions I’d missed must have been about what they were talking about, then. But why?

Rogers stepped back, looked up, and wiped his face. Yeah, he’d definitely been crying. “Enough for me,” he said, his voice thick and a little defiant. “Not enough to change the timeline. The minute we left he’d have forgotten everything.” He looked pointedly at me. “I checked.”

I hoped that my goldfish impression would tell Fury that, while I confirmed how much information leakage would be repaired without jeopardizing the timeline, I hadn’t known anything about what Rogers had had planned and still didn’t actually know whatever the hell he’d done, and please don’t kill me. I also checked my readouts. “Confirmed, no damage, sir,” I said as crisply as I could manage. “Whatever he did had no lasting effects.”

Fury stared at Rogers with his arms crossed. Rogers stared right back.

“You got lucky this time,” Fury said grimly. “Don’t try it again.”

Rogers shook his head. “I won’t. I got what I needed.”

Fury glared a bit longer, then nodded. “Good.”

“What happened?” I burst out as he turned to walk away. “This wasn’t a red flag! It was World War I, not II—he shouldn’t have known anyone there to talk to!”

“Yeah,” Cap said quietly, as Fury and Barnes gave me “you dummy” looks, which, not fair. “I never met him. That’s why I had to.”

“You got what you needed?” Barnes murmured, putting an arm around him again.

“Yeah.” Rogers leaned against him, ignoring the stares from me and his team. “I told him he’d forget. I told him about all this, about me. He—he said he was proud of me.”

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve had this idea in a nebulous form for years, and it settled in to stay when Endgame gave us an actual means of time travel that Steve actually uses. I was going to finally figure out an appropriate length, decide whether or not to include anything from when Steve goes back, whose POV(s) to use, etc., but I keep getting hung up on the details, so you get a not-fully-contextualized double-drabble instead.

I still don’t have a good excuse for why everyone’s bopping around in time, nor a clear idea when this is, because it’s clearly not post-Endgame because Tony’s still alive. DETAILS.

[saiilorstars]

Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 25: Owing Zero

/ Previous chapters /

Fandom: Law & Order SVU

Pairing:  Rafael Barba x Female OC

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel​ 

[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ` 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter Summary: With her spirits lifted a bit, Montserrat returns to work. In the end, though, she has some special advice as a farewell to her old partner.

Flashes of cop cars and ambulances illuminated the night street. SVU had picked up a robbery and rape late in the night and were all over the scene.

"You're here," Sonny's surprise made Montserrat roll her eyes, though there was a tiny smile on her face as she walked up to the scene.

She definitely looked more put together than the last time they'd seen her. There was that sneaky smile on her face, the glint of 'it's time to work' was back in her eyes. "Who else would it be?" she responded since she was aware, from Olivia's texts, that Amanda was MIA again.

You doin' better, then?" Sonny walked alongside her towards the victims' house, which turned out to be quite big and elegant.

"A little," Montserrat shrugged her shoulders. "So, what do we got?"

Sonny led her into the house that turned out to be even more elegant on the inside. It was crystal white, though now tarnished with overturned furniture and broken glass.

"It's a Brazilian diplomat's home. Perp uses the security keypad, enters, pulls a gun, ties the husband up, rapes the wife. He took some cash but left her jewelry and electronics."

Montserrat stopped in front of an empty wall that had marks of where a portrait once hung. "And I'm assuming we got some missing art?"

"Major case is sending over their art crimes expert," Sonny said and was met with surprised eyes.

"Art crimes expert?"

"Apparently some significant paintings were stolen."

Olivia walked into the home, along with Amanda, and was surprised to find Montserrat inside. However, the sergeant seemed to be pleased once it hit her. "Novak, glad to have you back."

Montserrat nodded. "Duty calls and I think I'm taking advantage of my sick days."

"Alright," Olivia looked ahead to where Fin was interviewing the presumed-to-be husband, "Let's go see what we have."

Amanda tailed behind the sergeant looking pretty rattled for a detective who'd been around these crimes more than she could count.

"Does Amanda seem off to you?" Montserrat meant only for Sonny to hear, but instead she got Nick on the side answering her.

"Yes! Finally someone agrees!"

"Okay…" Montserrat cleared her throat. Maybe she'd missed out more than she thought.

~ 0 ~

Though their case had the potential to be a big one since the victims were foreigners and diplomats, both of them seem to shut down.

Olivia had all the papers of their call last night set on the conference table. She was going through each of them just to make sure they had the right details since there was a clear contradiction between now and last night. "So the diplomat told the responding detective that he saw the rapist's face, but he told you that the rapist wore a mask?" he locked eyes with Fin since he was the one who interviewed the husband.

"Yeah," Fin gave the confirming nod.

"And how's the wife?"

"She shut down," Montserrat answered. She and Amanda tried to interview the wife but as soon as she saw them, she told them she didn't remember anything. "Maybe she's in shock."

"Or they know the perp and they're afraid of him," Sonny threw the idea out there which, logically thinking, could very well be it.

"Well, the assailant knew them-" Nick started counting off his fingers, "-knew their door code, which paintings to take…"

"So the rape is to throw us off?" Olivia made a face at him, not quite getting it.

"Or send a message."

"You know what? I can pull the front door security video, check for other cameras on the block," Amanda volunteered. She opened up her laptop to do the task but, for some reason, shifted when Nick moved to stand behind her and watch. "Okay, so the front door video's just gone."

"Well, the perp had to have taken it," Montserrat shrugged. "Not surprising. If anything, it just shows he's pretty damn smart."

"I found a good camera from across the street," Amanda said, but Sonny yelped behind her since she was zipping through the feed.

"Whoa, whoa. Slow down! You can't see a thing!"

"I got it, Carisi," Amanda rolled her eyes.

"This is going nowhere," Nick moved to take a seat next to Montserrat. "The victim wouldn't even do a rape kit so we've got nothing from her."

"But CSU recovered semen and hair from the crime scene. They're running the DNA," Fin said.

"Then we wait," Olivia rose from her chair and looked at Montserrat. "My office, Novak."

Of course. Montserrat sighed but nodded. She got up from her seat, ignoring the looks from the rest of the squad, and followed Olivia to her office.

"You look a lot better today, Montse," Olivia said as soon as the door was shut. She flashed one of her mother-hen smiles at the detective.

"Yeah, well, a friend helped," Montserrat said softly.

Olivia noticed the smile Montserrat was trying to keep hidden. "Well, I'll be sure to thank Kara when I see her."

"Mhm," Montserrat's eyebrows raised together since her sarcasm was threatening to spill. Yeah, she'd let Olivia think it was Kara. Better that way.

"And look, I am sorry I visited your old Captain," Olivia knew that despite having the best intentions, she didn't go about it the right way. "I wanted to help and I-I wanted Carroll to know that you were not alone. I went over. I'm sorry."

"I know you are," Montserrat nodded. Olivia Benson was incapable of being evil. "I just...I don't know if that was good or bad for me. Carroll retired which...I don't know, could mean that she does feel guilty."

"Oh, believe me, she was," Olivia still remembered the way Carroll looked after she yelled in the woman's face. "It is despicable that she manipulated you into staying quiet."

"Manipulated…" Montserrat repeated with a heavy breath. She chewed on her lower lip and bitterly chuckled. "I never really thought about it like that. That I was...manipulated." The realization that she was a victim had been a terrible moment, but the fact she'd been manipulated by her own Captain - a woman she looked up to - was a close second.

"You know...I know that you don't want to press charges, but...have you considered confronting Carroll?" Olivia knew it was a troublesome idea to throw out there, but she only wanted Montserrat to get some type of closure. "It sounds difficult but...maybe it can do you some good."

"I...never thought about that," Montserrat admitted. "My last interaction with Captain Carroll was a formal but with a clearly tensed atmosphere. To see her again...I don't know what that would do to me. Plus, even if I wanted to, Jonah said she retired and that no one's been able to contact her since then."

"We'd find her," Olivia said with absolute certainty.

"I have to think about that," Montserrat decided it would be better to think about the option when she wasn't at work.

"Okay," Olivia nodded. "But I'm here for you, alright?"

A small smile graced Montserrat's face. "I know. A lot of people are."

~0~

"Hey, we got a hit on the DNA," Fin announced to the rest of the squad. "Carlos Riva."

Amanda blinked in what anytime would call shock. "A-are you sure? I mean, he's in the system, and he leaves his DNA at the scene?"

"I take back what I said about the 'smart' thing," Montserrat muttered to Sonny.

"Does he have any record?" Nick asked Fin.

"He got a gun charge that just got dropped."

"Well, how do we have his DNA then?" Amanda still couldn't get over her surprise.

"Had a misdemeanor last fall, stalking in the fourth degree. He got it pled down to domestic assault."

"Good thing New York finally authorized all crimes DNA," Montserrat waved her pen in the air.

"He must've not realized that," Amanda said slowly, as if coming to terms with it. "He must've thought that once the gun charge was dropped his DNA wasn't in the system."

"So we're looking for an idiot," Sonny remarked.

"Aren't we always?" Montserrat had to think about it.

"The arrest report says he was a driver at a Chelsea art gallery," Fun read off more from their report. "I say we follow up with this gallery, see if he still works there."

"Guys, I've been on 16 hours," Amanda rubbed her face and offered her team a weak smile, silently asking to be let free.

"You go," Fin told the blonde. "We got this."

As Amanda hurriedly grabbed her things and made a hasty stride out of the bullpen, Fin watched Nick's lingering look on her. "Whatever you're thinking…don't."

Nick didn't have to say anything to indicate he was dying to know what Amanda was doing. And truth be told, the others were curious too.

~0~

It'd been a while since Montserrat visited Dr. Weslin and she felt like there was a lot of things she needed to get off her chest. It started from her birthday - which was, in general, troublesome before anything else - to Rafael, then the setback with Captain Carroll and, most recently, Jonah's appearance. It was the only free space Montserrat could use to say everything she thought without fearing the consequences.

"I'm very sorry you've been having a rough time," Weslin said after Montserrat finally finished. "But the way you've handled things...I'm happy to see you dealing with them."

"Well, I don't think I've been dealing with them in the most mature way," Montserrat admitted. "I've been reclusive, I've-I've been screaming. I've done a lot of screaming actually." If it wasn't for professionalism, Weslin might have chuckled. Montserrat continued to think about her way of acting afterwards and made a face. "I'm not joking."

"No, I know you're not."

"But even after all that, my friends...they still helped me. I'm grateful for that." Montserrat nodded at herself but as she continued to think about her latest period of life, it was hard to keep a head held high all the time. "Even if things don't always work out...I am grateful...for things. People."

Weslin lowered her head as a curious expression settled across her face. "Do we want to continue about these certain people?"

Montserrat's face was an unsure one. "There's not much left to say."

Her defeated tone was something Weslin took note of. "Sounds like it's final."

"Isn't it?" a weak smile left Montserrat's face. Even if she didn't want to keep talking about it, the words kept leaving her mouth. She supposed it was the fact she had the reigns of the conversation here. "I just don't have the energy to keep arguing with Rafael about this. What's the point? He's as stubborn as I am. Changing his mind is...next to impossible."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Weslin offered the woman a kind smile.

Montserrat shrugged because it was the only thing she could think of to do. "Least now I can try to move on. But you know, if it wasn't for Kara putting these ideas in my head...none of this would've happened. I probably wouldn't even have looked twice at this…" her hand made a gesture in front of her, "...stubborn, snarky ADA." Weslin kept a locked stare on Montserrat, no real expression on her face but it was enough for Montserrat to think twice and sigh. "Okay, maybe I would have. Much later, but...probably would have."

"I think it's good for you to admit that out in the open," Weslin said. "It's part of that moving on thing you want to do."

Montserrat sighed again but agreed with Weslin. She couldn't move on if she didn't accept her fault. And part of her fault - if not all of it - was that she kissed Rafael because she wanted to. It was not Kara. It wasn't even Rafael. It was her. All her.

"Yeah, I know," Montserrat glumly said. "But you know, the parts where I should be more confrontational is where I am alarmingly not."

"How do you mean?"

"You know how I mentioned my old partner was in town? I sort of had my go with my sergeant because of what Jonah told me. Turns out Olivia visited my old Captain and now the woman, suddenly, retired."

"You think it was connected?"

"Oh, I know it was," Montserrat nodded. "Olivia confronted Carroll about silencing my entire rape case. I guess she guilt tripped Carroll so much she decided to leave the police department. And now Liv is suggesting I find Carroll so I can...get things off my chest."

"Confront her," Weslin concluded. "How did you respond?"

"Same as always: 'I don't know'," Montserrat shook her head. "Story of my life. This is my case - my unsolved, not even started case - and I'm not sure about anything."

"Well, let's start with this: how does the idea of seeing Captain Carroll make you feel?"

"Angry," Montserrat said instantly, almost automatically. It was a realization for her, actually. The idea she was still angry with her Captain - that she was angry in the first place was mind-rattling. "Oh my God...I'm angry with her."

Weslin watched silently as Montserrat came to the conclusion on her own. It was usually how it went in these sessions. With Montserrat thinking lucidly about things, her mind opened to new possibilities and...new realizations.

"I mean, I never really thought about how I felt towards Carroll. Back then, before I left Queens Homicide, I just thought Carroll was making a tough call. Not pursuing my case so that we could get this awful woman. And when I got out of there, I made my personal mission to erase everything from that place...including my old squad." Montserrat gazed down at her fingers that were picking at each other.

"Sometimes it's not about forgetting that gets you through," Weslin remarked. "You try to seal it away like it never happened. It doesn't necessarily bring closure."

"Confronting Carroll though…" Montserrat put some actual thought into the idea, now with the fact she would no doubt scream in the old woman's face, "It would be satisfying but...not the kind I'm looking for."

"How do you mean?" Weslin asked, though by the look on her face she might have already known what Montserrat would get at.

"Even if I do say everything to Carroll...I wouldn't be content...because it's not him," Montserrat particularly picked at a spot near her left hand's thumb nail. She'd already picked at it so much she'd drawn blood from it last night. "I could scream in Carroll's face, at everyone who silenced the case...but it wouldn't be enough." Her dark eyes looked up from her open thumb wound and, for a minute, displayed hard hatred. Her voice even lowered. "They're not the man who hurt me. And that's why I don't want to confront Carroll."

~ 0 ~

It really seemed like SVU couldn't catch a break this week. If it wasn't their victims, then it was their actual employees.

Montserrat tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she watched footage of Amanda, wearing a cap meant to shield her face from security cameras, successfully checked out a gun belonging to the culprit of their recent rape. "This cannot be real," she looked up at Nick and Fin in shock.

"It is," Nick gave the low nod of his head. "I told you that something was up with her-"

Montserrat shut the laptop in front of her. "-yeah, but I thought she was just...I don't know...having a secret relationship or something! I didn't think it was...this!"

"That makes two," Sonny walked up to her desk with a cup of coffee in hand. He'd already watched the horrible footage.

"It gets worse," Fin hated to admit. "We got her at the Brazilian couple's house two nights ago when she was out sick."

"And there's more. Rollins brought in an elimination DNA sample-"

"-okay, stop!" Montserrat waved her hands to stop both of them. The more they went, the less she recognized Amanda. "I just...Amanda wouldn't do any of this stuff just because. She has to be in trouble."

"Doesn't matter, she's doing the wrong things now," Sonny shrugged. "We're showing this to Liv and...it'll be out of our hands."

"But we have to help Amanda too, not just throw her under the bus," Montserrat's insistence was met with some kind of agreement from Fin.

Still, Sonny was right. They needed to show everything they had to Olivia and let the sergeant make the decision how to proceed.

"Hey, where is Amanda right now?" Montserrat whispered to Sonny after Nick and Fin had gone into Olivia's office.

Sonny shrugged again. "Don't know. Called in sick again. But hey, I gotta ask you something…" Montserrat raised an eyebrow at his questionable shifting. "Kara just...she said she wanted to have dinner with her brother and her parents."

Montserrat really tried her best not to laugh. Sonny had suddenly become so nervous it was...yeah, she was a terrible person.

"I gotta ask how they are…" Sonny continued on, very grateful she wasn't laughing in his face already. "I've only met Damien once and that was for a few minutes."

"He's nice and funny," she waved him off. "And Kara's parents are so nice."

"Well yeah but they might only be nice to you because you're Kara's best friend. They might not share the same sentiment towards me…"

"...because you're screwing their daughter?"

Sonny deadpanned her and yet all she did was smile. He ultimately shook his head at her and moved on. "I am a little nervous here. It's tomorrow night at your place."

"Huh, Kara didn't mention that…" Montserrat paused to think but she realized she'd shut herself up and hadn't really given Kara a chance to talk to her. "But you'll be fine, Sonny. You have a natural born talent at being...charming." She rolled her eyes at his smug smile. "Don't get any wrong ideas, Carisi."

"Oh, don't worry, I know where your feelings lie." It was now Sonny's turn to smile innocently.

Montserrat, for her part, glared but only for a minute. "Whatever. Just be yourself and I'm sure everything will be fine. Oh!" she raised a finger in the air so suddenly that Sonny's eyes widened a bit. "But if you want to be extra sweet, bring in a souffle. Kara's mom loves a good souffle. It's funny, though, because Kara sucks at baking those."

"I know where I can get some good ones," Sonny started smiling as he thought about his gesture he'd definitely bring in. "Thanks, Montse."

"Of course," she shrugged. "You know I only kid about you and Kara, right? I actually am happy you guys are together and good."

Sonny smiled at the woman. "I know, Montse."

"Okay," Montserrat leaned back in her chair with a small smile. She then glanced in the direction of Olivia's office and wondered what the sergeant's reaction would be after hearing Amanda's rogue path.

~ 0 ~

That night, when Montserrat returned home, she saw Kara zipping around the apartment in an attempt to clean up. She had her hair tied up over her head, messy as if she'd been at this cleaning for hours. Without asking, Montserrat knew Kara must have been preparing for this dinner she hadn't known about.

"Hey!" Kara sent her roommate a cheery smile. "You're back! And early too!"

"Yeah, um, strange things are happening at SVU," Montserrat left it at. She wasn't even sure what Olivia and Fin would get out of talking with Amanda tonight. The woman was, as terrible as it sounded, done. If anything, Montserrat hoped they would at least be able to help Amanda recover.

"But you look better," Kara gestured at Montserrat's appearance. She tossed the rag in her hand to the coffee table. "I'm really glad to see it."

"Everyone says the same thing." Montserrat hated this awkwardness she knew she was responsible for. She'd been so rude to Kara and now...here she was.

Kara seemed to sense the awkwardness judging by the clearing of her throat. "So listen, I haven't had the chance to tell you…" she moved around the coffee table, "I'm having dinner-"

"-with Sonny and your family," Montserrat smiled at how shocked Kara was to learn that she already knew the plans. "Yeah, Sonny told me earlier. He's pretty nervous."

"Montse, I was planning on telling you but you were having a bad day and-"

Montserrat raised a hand to stop Kara. "It's okay, Kara. You didn't have to tell me-"

"-course I did," Kara nodded. "You're my best friend. I tell you everything just like...I hope you do too." Even if she didn't mean it in an accusing tone, she felt guilty for her choice of words. Still, Montserrat let it go because, well, Kara was right. "You're more than welcome to stay for dinner. You're part of my family too."

"It's okay, Kara. I can stay at Casey's," Montserrat shrugged. "But please tell me how nervous Sonny was because then I can tease him the next day."

Kara playfully rolled her eyes. "Glad to see you're definitely back." Montserrat agreed with a nod. "And you know, you could tell me anything...like what was upsetting you? I went on a rampage trying to find the culprit-"

"-I know," Montserrat once again nodded. "And thanks for that."

"I know it's none of my business but I have to ask if it was because of Rafael…?"

Montserrat visibly shifted. "It wasn't, actually. And you know what, while we're on this subject...I'd appreciate if we didn't bring up that topic anymore."

Kara's face softened once she realized Montserrat was planning on moving on. "So then...things are really over?"

Montserrat's eyebrows raised while her expression flickered between resignation and something akin to disheartening. "I guess so." She walked past Kara, letting her bag's strap fall from her shoulders. She tossed it to the couch and started pulling her coat off.

"Montse, I'm so sorry," Kara turned after her friend. "I was so sure you two would get together, I mean...you're kind of the same."

A loud snort left Montserrat's finger as she raised a finger in the air. "I don't know, maybe that's the problem. We're too much alike."

"Still..."

"Kara we're doing that thing I asked not to do anymore," Montserrat shook her head.

"Sorry," Kara dutifully apologized. "But I am sorry things didn't work out."

"Yeah," Montserrat sighed. She looked around the apartment and saw Kara had done quite a good job so far with the cleaning. "You want some help?"

"Um…" Kara bit her lip, "It's not your dinner. Definitely not your boyfriend. You don't have to-"

"-okay, I'll take over the living room and you finish the kitchen," Montserrat grabbed the rag Kara had tossed to the couch. "We'll finish faster if we do it together. Like always."

A grin came to Kara's face. "Like always."

~ 0 ~

Amanda Rollins was a force to be reckoned with. She not only duped con artists and most of SVU, but she finished an ongoing, 2 year undercover job in the span of three days. The only problem was the fact she lied all the way through it, even to her friends.

"What was I supposed to do? I was working undercover!" the blonde detective was having a shouting match with Nick in the bullpen. The others she could argue at a normal volume, but Nick was always more easily irritable. "I couldn't go blabbing it to everyone!"

"You didn't tell anyone," Sonny pointed out only to receive a death glare in return.

"I think what Sonny and the others mean to say is we're a little upset you had to keep it from us," Montserrat spoke up for the first time after hearing the entire story. "Not to say we don't understand why, because of course we understand why. Right, fellas?" she gave each of the men a warning look to just nod their heads.

"Rollins!" Olivia suddenly called from her office. They hadn't had the chance to speak with her since Amanda arrived, but the squad knew that Olivia was informed of Amanda's doings before they did.

Amanda took in a deep breath and turned for the office.

"She is about to get it," Nick muttered as he dropped into his desk.

Montserrat shot him a glare he completely missed. She understood that Amanda had done wrong, she absolutely understood, but now it was up to them to give the proper solution. The fact was Amanda had fallen into this mess because she'd been at an illegal gambling place and yet no one seemed to be paying attention to that detail. Montserrat did. She hoped Olivia did too.

Ten minutes after Amanda had been called into the office, the door re-opened and out came the blonde detective. She had red, glossy eyes she tried to keep hidden as she came to pick up her jacket from her desk.

"Hey Amanda-" Fin tried to talk to her but the woman made a hasty way out.

"That can't be good," Sonny remarked. Nick nodded and looked after Amanda.

Montserrat suddenly got up from her chair and turned for Olivia's office.

"What are you doing?" called Nick.

"Something stupid, probably," she answered on her way. She gave a light knock on the door and poked her head inside. "Liv?"

Olivia was at her desk, staring at some papers but Montserrat knew the woman hadn't been paying attention to them. "Did you need something?"

Montserrat walked in and shut the door. "I, um...Amanda just left?"

"Uh, yeah," Olivia gave a nod. "She's done."

Montserrat blinked as the words processed in her head. "She's...what? Like...done-done?"

"Yes," Olivia nodded again. "She's done here. I'm transferring her. We can spare one."

"Wait a minute," Montserrat hurried up to the desk and sat down. "You can't do that. She needs us."

"What?" Olivia gave the detective a crazed look. "You know what she did-"

"-yes and it's exactly why you can't send her away." Montserrat sighed and scooted her chair closer to the desk. "Amanda's hit rock bottom and instead of sending her away to some precinct that won't care about her...we should help her."

Olivia's mouth opened but nothing came out. She was stunned to hear this very different perspective on the situation. "She lied. A woman was raped-"

"-and do you honestly believe Amanda could have set that up? That she could've gone through with that?" Montserrat was horrified to see Olivia having to even consider it. "Olivia! Amanda has a problem. Please...please don't turn your back on her. You've helped me how many times?"

"That is different," Olivia pointed.

"No, it's not," Montserrat said quietly. "I was undercover too."

"That was your job that you did on legal terms. Amanda was at a gambling casino because she wanted to be!"

"And she regrets that! Olivia, you know that if you send Amanda away it'll only hurt her more. She can spiral without the right support." Montserrat paused for a moment to calm down. She didn't come in to argue. She wanted to make Olivia see her point. "You have helped me countless times and I know you've helped the others too. I think Amanda deserves the same. One more chance."

Olivia opened her mouth again but the words failed her and instead she sighed. She seemed tired...and with good reason. "I...I will think about it."

"Thank you," Montserrat rose from her chair. She walked out of the office and went straight to her desk.

"What did you do in there?" Sonny asked her as soon as she sat down.

"Just talked," the ginger smiled like nothing had happened.

By lunch time, Montserrat was confident Olivia had re-thought the whole transfer process. The Sergeant seemed to be in a better mood that would hopefully stay for when she spoke to Amanda again.

"I'm going out for lunch," Montserrat announced to the rest. "Anyone wanna join?"

"No thanks," Nick answered first, not even looking up from his screen. Fin said the same thing but at least he looked up to shake his head.

"Pass too," Sonny said last.

"Right, you'll be eating light for dinner tonight," she flashed him a smirk while she put her coat on. She grabbed her things and went on her way.

She made it into the elevator and down with ease. It was on her way out of the building that she came into some trouble...or perhaps not trouble just...annoyance.

"Montserrat," called Jonah from the sidewalk.

For a brief moment, Montserrat considered turning around and walking back into the precinct. She could do take out from her desk, after all. But, if she did that, then she wouldn't be able to say a couple things she thought of. "Haven't seen you in a few days," she remarked as she came down the final step of the precinct.

"Yeah, I, um...was giving you some space, to be honest," Jonah put his hands into his coat. "I'm sorry for demanding things from you. I'm just fed up with all this secrecy. First you leave us and then Carroll too? C'mon."

Montserrat's eyebrows knitted together as she tried to decide if this was an apology or the beginning of another demand. While she was stuck listening to Jonah, she missed the familiar figure walking towards the precinct.

Rafael recognized Jonah immediately. A wave of anger hit him first since he knew, in his mind was sure, that Jonah was responsible for Montserrat's recent mood. And then concern washed over. Concern that whatever Jonah said to Montserrat would make her fall back again. He had half a mind to go over there and take her away...but if he did that, Montserrat would surely kill him. But the closer he got, the more he could see her face and it honestly looked like she was going to be killing Jonah instead.

Nothing wrong with that, he thought then realized he actually thought that.

"I'm glad you came back, Jonah," Montserrat said honestly, "Because it gives me the chance to tell you something." Jonah looked expectant of her words so she delivered them without hesitation. "I don't owe you anything," she began and already surprised the man with her choice of words. "You were a great partner and the entire Queens squad was like a family to me, but not everything is what it seems over there. I don't regret leaving it and I definitely don't feel sorry that Carroll retired early."

Jonah was stunned. Very quickly his face turned into outrage and offense. "How can you say that!?"

"Very easily, actually," Montserrat said with a small smile. "Because I know that I am right. You don't know what happened and you never will. But hopefully without Carroll, your squad will be the best it could be."

"Montserrat...where is this coming from?" Jonah looked her over as if he wasn't seeing the same detective anymore.

"From my experience," Montserrat said loud and clear. She stepped closer to him, getting right in his face, "Watch your back."

"Is that a threat?"

"No. Just something else I say from experience," she offered the man a small, polite, smile before stepping away. "Goodbye, Jonah." In that moment, she could not have felt more satisfied with herself.

It seemed like the same applied to Rafael. He knew that smug face anywhere. When Montserrat saw him, her smugness faltered but not by much.

"You seem to be in a good mood," he remarked.

"Am I?" she pretended to be casual but her widened smile betrayed her.

"What did you say to the poor man?" Rafael caught Jonah's figure heading down the opposite street. "Not that I feel sorry for him."

"Just the truth," Montserrat shrugged. "Actually, you kind of inspired me to do it."

"Oh, then I'm definitely not sorry for him."

Montserrat laughed. "Remember that thing you told me way back when I first started working here? No one being entitled to my secrets? You're still right about it."

As curious as he was to know what Montserrat was keeping back, Rafael wouldn't ask her. She seemed better this way and he wasn't going to ruin it. "I'm glad."

"That you're right?" Montserrat chuckled.

"No-"

"-just kidding! So, were you going in?" she made a nod at the precinct behind them.

"Yeah. Were you leaving?"

"For lunch. I'll be back later. Might get something completely barbecued."

Rafael's face scrunched at her. "That's blasphemy. Your tastes are…" he shook his head at her.

"I'll be sure to bring some back for you."

"Don't you dare," he said all too quickly.

Montserrat mirthlessly laughed at him. Oh yeah, she was back. Rafael definitely liked seeing her this way instead...even if it was her laughing at him.

"I'll see you later," he said after it started getting old. He moved around her but only a few steps away, she called him again. He turned sideways just as she walked up to him, looking more serious now.

"Thanks for talking to me the other day," she bit her lower lip as if things were suddenly nerve-wrecking. "For what you said. It was the reason I came back to work." She gently reached for one of his hands.

There was something in Rafael's chest that he couldn't make out. Seeing her open and...soft. Yes, he definitely wanted to hug her. My God are you 17? he berated himself. "I…" he had to clear his throat in order to speak normally, "...I'm glad I could help."

Montserrat leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She pulled away with a smile that widened when she saw his shocked face. "See you later."

"Mhm," was all that came out of his mouth. You are definitely 17. He watched her leave like he was frozen to his spot.

[ellsey]

Agents of Shield Rewatch 7x07 The Totally Excellent Adventures of Mack and the D!

That title is a mouthful

This is such an 80′s movie I love it

Robots, jocks, nerds, concert sequences

This ep has it all

The sound of that printer really brings me back y’all

Sibyl!

Mack is making me sad awww

It’s baby Mack ahhhh he’s adorable

This dude is making himself a robot girlfriend

Ok I have questions. Was this his parent’s house? How did he get in? Did he just rent it? Where did they get money?

“Aren’t you a sight for beautiful eyes?” Oh Deke

Ohhhhhh that’s where Deke mentions Cricket is shady. I missed that the first time.

I will give points to Deke for really trying here yet still giving Mack his space

Flowers for your robot girlfriend? Thoughtful I guess

Let’s be real here, Jeff can wear some red leather pants and eyeliner

Mack is such a mood hahahaha

Jeff also sounds good singing this

I also want to give myself points, because when I heard this in the trailer I thought is sounded a lot like Jeff. Not everyone’s singing voice sounds like their speaking voice, but his does.

Ok so here’s where I get confused about what the writers were doing. They make a big deal about how much Deke has changed, and then they have him do the same thing he’s done before like...I understand he was trying to survive. And I guess you could make the point that he fell back on old instincts when in survival mode. But also...idk...

On the other hand you can just say they were going for peak comedy and 80′s movie-ness in which case none of that mattered

This A-Team intro though

I like this Lighthouse redo ngl

Max Headroom Coulson!

Tfw your robot gf makes herself a robot significant other

Lol this training exercise is amazing

Mack’s not wrong here soooo

But Deke is good at friendship

Welp there goes Cricket’s coke selling career

Awww Deke’s been watching after Baby Mack and his brother

Giving him a drum kit is not cool though

No parent likes that

The amount of blood hahaha I’m crying

This handshake goes on for ages and I die

Bless whoever put Mack in this jumpsuit it was truly inspired

Not Olga!

Mack’s faces in this entire episode are amazing

Dkee didn’t know the Pentagon but he knows what  Speak N Spell is?

The tiny baby boy has the timestream!

Olga/Roxy rise

I love that Deke took care of the baby Mackenzies

He did good

Mack is a sax man...yesssssssss

Poor Elena ;(

This Mackelena hug my heart

Also let’s appreciate she has to take a running start to get up to his level hahaha

Aww May is definitely happy to see Robo Coulson

And the timestream goes tooo...

Ugh

Freaking Nathaniel

I mean, this was a fun romp but did it really do much to advance the story? Ehhh...although in retrospect it did give them a reason for Deke to stay behind. I mean he actually liked it there. 

Anyway we’ll give this a 10/10 on the Friendship is Magic scale because Deke friended his way to victory. Mack gets a 150000/10 on the Going Through Stuff because he legit was going. through. some. stuff. And finally the Deke Squad get a 10/10 on the SQUAD scale because they were a little rough around the edges, but they were good eggs.

I picked a song that’s actually from 1983 for this episode: “King of Pain” by The Police.

[moody-bloosh]

I saw the fates au and thaNK GOODNESS. I wasn’t the only one thinking about the au whenever I play fgo. I loved the Jotaro and Kakyoin post! What about summoning Dio, Giorno, Caesar and Joseph? (It could be from the same master too) I adored your writing so much!

bOI yES !!!! ugh ive been having such E-rank luck on NA recently ;; let’s hope this breaks the cuRSE YO !!! Under the cut because there’s a lot of them!

Summoning Dio, Giorno, Joseph, and Caesar to Chaldea

DIO 

Joins Lancelot in the Bullied Dads club, Moriarty hangs out with them too. 

“Avenger. Hehe- HAHAHAHA! So you’ve summoned me, hm? Try not to bore me, Master~” 

His wish upon the Holy Grail is naturally, to eradicate the Joestars. 

His Interlude basically has him getting into a one on one fight with Jonathan. (who is a Saber, by the way!)  

When you do manage to glimpse at DIO’s memories from within your dreams. It is always within a tiny dark space, with a skull as your only companion, and crushing loneliness. 

Reaching Bond Level 5 with DIO will allow you to see bits of his childhood. 

In his first ascension, he takes his form from Stardust Crusaders. While in his Final Ascension, he regains his look from Phantom Blood! Since to me, I really think that form he had during PB was him at his peak ; ) 

His Noble Phantasm: The World is a single target Buster NP that has him stopping time and delivering a Stand Rush to the enemy where he finishes it off with a terrifyingly precise knife throw to their heart that has a chance of inflicting death on the enemy! 

A Servant who you cannot fully trust, always make sure to have a Command Seal ready against him!! 

I think that DIO never really sees you as his Master, at your closest, he will consider you something like the only other friend he has ever had. 

You are equals. Not Master and Servant. Equals. 

Giorno

Giorno is a Ruler servant! 

“Ruler, my True Name is Giorno Giovanna. It’s nice to meet you again, _____. As promised, this time, I will help you fulfill your dream.” 

NUMBER 1 FOR STALLING TEAMS. 

His Noble Phantasm, Golden Experience Requiem allows him to reset the game makes it so any damage inflicted on the team is nullified and reflected back to the enemy (basically somehow a teamwide, Verg Avesta?) 

During the events of a certain Singularity in Italy, Giorno was allowed to be summoned within Chaldea. 

WHEN YOU ARE SAD HE WILL DEFINITELY DO THE THING WHERE HE STUFFS HIS WHOLE EAR IN HIS HEAD. 

He somehow manages to retain his memories from the Singularity? He remembers how you helped him and thus he grows to be very attached to you. 

When you walk around during Singularities, he likes making random things bloom and he puts it in your hair. 

Joins the insanely protective over Master squad!!!! 

While he is never as overtly Yandere as Kiyohime, Serenity, or Mama Raikou, I can see him pinning a ladybug on you or perhaps some other flower to track you. 

(I feel like with his childhood, he’s very clingy to his Master.) 

He will not abandon you, even when he is on the verge of death. 

So don’t you go abandoning him either. 

Caesar

“Archer, Caesar Zeppeli. I look forward to working with you, Master.” 

Chaldea Daycare trio (Jack, Nursery, and Jalter Lily) are always pestering him to make them bubbles. 

One of the easier Servants to work with! 

His Interlude has you facing off with a Shadow Servant Wamuu. He laments the fact that he had been unable to stand with Joseph at the very end when it came to facing the Pillar Men. He tells you that he’s happy he has a kind and capable Master like you by his side. 

You are there to reassure him that this time, he will never have to face any terrifying enemy by himself. 

I CAN SEE HIM SUPER DUPER GETTING ALONG WITH GAWAIN. 

Never fails to put a blush on Master’s face. 

When you learn of Caesar’s memories through your dreams, you resolve to make it so that he’ll be able to meet with Joseph. You want them to receive closure at the very least. 

He is right by your side when rainbow sparks glimmer around the summoning circle and....

Joseph 

“Yo~ So you’re my Master, huh? Try not to make me work too hard, alright!” 

Much like Hijikata Toshizo, he is one of the few Berserkers who is capable of thinking up insane strategies. 

His Madness Enhancement is very low. Manifesting only as an insane stubbornness and an unwillingness to divulge the full details his outlandish strategies. 

Poor Joseph, he’s a good farming servant too after all ;;;; 

His skill ‘The Secret Joestar Technique” grants himself Evasion for 3 turns as well as an 30% NP charge. 

Joseph likes hanging out in your room and taking things easy. 

Helps you hide from Emiya, Leonidas, and the other Servants when you have to train. 

“We are kindred spirits, Master! Hard work is our enemy!!” 

The two of you get scolded by Bedivere promptly after you guys get caught. 

Having accomplished everything he could ever want in life, surrounded by a loving family, Joseph tells you he has no real wish for the Holy Grail. Though, if presented with the Grail, he certainly has one or two wishes of his own. One of his regrets is definitely not being there enough for a certain boy...