#I definitely fall into the more extreme end of doing this I don't think including AS MUCH vulgarity as I do is the only way to do it

[prolibytherium]

I see people complain that their immersion is broken when a book set in a historical period uses general contemporary slang/swear words/informal terms ('lads', 'guys', etc) etc and it's just like. You do realize that every language in every era was 'modern' to its users and had at least some vulgarity and slang right? Writing in vaguely 'old timey' speech solely on the basis that it took place a long time ago does not add any realism and if anything kind of detracts from it imo.

Like if you're writing a story in english + in a way that's legible to contemporary english language readers that takes place any time/anywhere that people did not speak contemporary english, you're already 'translating'. I feel like this 'translation' is made more complete by including at least Some vulgarity, informal speech, etc where the core underlying concepts and uses of these words are applicable to the setting. It makes the characters more human, not distanced from the reader by artificially antiquating them with a language that is exclusively hyper-formal and neutered in scope.

[transmascaraa]

may i please request genshin men (lyney, tighnari, cyno, and whoever else you'd like to add) with a jaded and distrustful reader. they're hesitant to entertain the idea of a relationship bc they don't believe it's genuine, the reader is scared they have ulterior motives. they've been hurt before and aren't about to let it happen again. because of this they act kind of standoffish to any advances they make. how would they win over the reader?

multiple characters headcannons!

distrust.

characters: lyney, tighnari, cyno, sethos x gn!reader

author's note: finally doing another req lmfao how are you guys😭 oh yeah and i want to try writing sethos cuz i haven't seen much including him at all or is it just me???? nvm it's worth a try

♡ Lyney

-i think he would just accept it at first

-like "they don't trust me? well shit— i can't do anything about it"

-but lynette didn't want her brother feeling so sad because he'd annoyingly complain to her until they both died

-and she decided to kinda reassure him by saying that even tho the chances of you trusting him are low, doesn't mean that they're gone entirely WHICH MEANS there's still hope

-this makes him feel at least a bit better and that's when he actually starts making an effort

-he practices EXTREME and DANGEROUS magic tricks just to show them to you, not on any magic show for anybody else to see.

-extreme as in basically shoving a huge sword down his mouth, or as in literally throwing arrows in the sky, so that when they fall, they perfectly line out his silhouette, not hurting him in the slightest. because to him, apparently:

-near death experience=trust

-up to you if you trust him but honestly if i was that distrustful reader it wouldn't help lmfao

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

✿ Tighnari

-i feel like he wouldn't be super interested in winning you over

-since like you literally don't trust him enough so what's the point

-but just MAYBE he'd try at least something

-he will try to win your trust by reassuring you when you need it, letting you know that you CAN trust him

-and that he's not a jerk or coward that would have ulterior motives

-so instead he doesn't rush you and lets you do what you wish

-even if you end up telling him to plainly 'fuck off' in the end, he'd be a little disappointed in himself but also he'd just accept it

-he won't force you into anything

-so in the end it'll all be up to you

-cuz he will do his best to show you that he won't hurt you in any way, and that he's loyal and trustworthy enough

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

๑ Cyno

-happy 1day late bday to him he's literally my 2nd/3rd fave

-i think when you explain to him that you fear getting into a relationship at all for whatever reasons, he says he understands but will definitely subtly try to win you over

-telling you random jokes every day hoping that it would maybe help in earning your trust

-subtly showing you he has no evil plan by being there for you when you need it

-he'll ask tighnari for advice, and the advice he will get is "how am i supposed to know? appear more trustworthy i guess? make better jokes?" to which cyno will listen but that's already what he's trying to do on his own

-he'll ask to spar with you, trying to earn your trust in yet another way

-he feels reborn when you even slightly smile at his jokes btw so yeah

-soon enough, you catch on that he's trying to make you trust him.

-and after that, in the end, everything's up to you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

✯ Sethos

-is it just me but i love him sm i swear

-he will be persistent.

-understanding but persistent.

-not as subtle as cyno, but he will do it less often than cyno just because of the subtleness in the whole thing

-he'll definitely invite you on a walk with him throughout the desert like a few times a month

-loves it when you say 'yes'

-he will joke around with you, and make inside jokes with you, hoping that it means something to you

-maybe he'd ask you to spar together but would lose himself if you actually agreed(in a positive way ofc lmao)

-he's hoping so fucking much that he's presenting himself as loyal as possible to you

-if you don't want him in the end, that's completely fine with him

-but if you accept he'll look pretty much chill and happy with it but his brain and heart will be a mess lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

was sethos ooc???? idk

do i care?? yes (a lot, in fact)

either way i'm alright with how i wrote this

| @mariaace <3

[cheeseceli]

When their S/o is taller than them

Pairing: skz!Ot8 × Gn!Reader (individually)

Genre: fluff, reaction

Request: what either skz or bts would be like with a tall s/o? (5’8”) and while I’m here I just want to say I really love your writing and I look forward to reading your fics <3

Warnings: one kill joke in lee know's, not proofread at all, I think that's it.

A/n: thank you so much for the lovely words 🤍 as a (kinda) tall girl I love to think about this lmao. BTS version here !

Bang Chan

Hugs all the time. He just LOVES how your hugs seem to be different (and better) than anyone else's. Maybe it's because of your height or for the simple fact that you are you but he adores how warm and safe he feels in your arms. His favourite hugs from you are the ones that you either back hug him when he's distracted and put your chin on his shoulder OR when you hug him normally but add a kiss to the crown of his head. He falls more and more in love with you after every hug.

Lee Know

You know he's never gonna admit this but he loves the height difference. Your teasing gets 200% more efficient just because of it (but he'll kill anyone who points out how his ears are getting a little too red). When you guys were just friends but he already had a crush on you, he'd get truly flustered if you got closer than usual, like you were towering him - and he still does, he just likes to pretend he doesn't tbh lmao.

Changbin

We all agreed that this man would have and love and support a taller s/o to the extreme. He's like your personal cheerleader, always making sure to let you know that you are BEAUTIFUL and he loves every single detail about you - your height included. The first to tell people to shut up if someone ever comments on the height difference with a rude tone. Like, he will NOT accept someone trying to say shit about your relationship, especially when it's something he loves so much.

Hyunjin

It doesn't matter if you're one centimeter taller or a whole ruler taller, he's in love and he thinks that your height makes you look ethereal even. If you're up to it, he'll definitely buy you high heels and encourage you to wear them on any occasion that's possible. Finds it kinda fun how he has to tilt his head up in order to kiss you and always ends up giggling over this, even after years of doing it. He's just that enamoured, can you blame him?

Han

Oh he's enjoying this a bit too much. Feel free to reach all the tall shelves for him and open every can/jar. He has the babygirl reputation for a reason lmao. Jokes aside, I think he'd really enjoy a taller s/o, no matter what your height is. Has literally no patience to outsiders "teasing" and making rude comments about this dynamic, he'll quickly shut them up. (Also, get prepared to lift him up if you're strong enough like that video of him with lee know because when I said he's enjoying this I meant it😭)

Felix

HE LOVES IT. You can't tell me that he doesn't get all flustered and giddy over the height difference, I won't believe you if you do. One thing that I believe he'd love to do would take mirror pics with you. Like, the way that you can see that you're taller in the picture just makes him smile for some reason (he's whipped). His phone's wallpaper is most definitely a picture of you two like that. I also believe that he thinks it's cute the way he has to tiptoe to kiss your cheek (it is).

Seungmin

You can be the taller one, but he's the one defending you and giving you the royalty treatment all the way. One thing that I think he'd love tho is to steal your clothes. So like, if you left a sweatshirt in his place or something like this, don't expect to have it back so soon. He actually loves how he is just kinda engulfed in your (indirect?) warmth and he has something bringing him closer to you even when you're not near. And he kinda likes to flex that "this is from my partner" lmao.

I.N

Other one to get all shy over the height difference but never let you know about it (actually, you'll know. It's just so obviously shown in his face, just don't let him know that lol). But besides the casual flustering state he finds himself on at times, he really doesn't mind it. I'd say he barely notices it. When he does tho, he finds you extremely beautiful, like those ancient greek statues, and even sexy if I may.

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Moodboard (pics) by @haelyubi

Reblogs and feedback are appreciated!

[discursiverecursion]

Psst... Queer American fam...

A lot of us are in survival mode right now, and who knows how long that is going to last. An onslaught could begin the first day, or it could be relatively quiet until a storm breaks, so our background stress/anxiety levels are going to be high, and some of the effects of excess circulating cortisol include anxiety, depression, trouble sleeping, headaches, digestive problems, and problems with memory and focus.

It’s normal to be struggling right now.

It means you’re human.

I know this sounds bad, but I’m restating a thing I think many people already know, because the thing is, a common tactic of the Right is to put people in a stressful situation and then blame them for their response to it (I’ve seen this referred to in other contexts as “reactive trauma”). As queer folks and people being targeted, we might think we are immune to this, but it works more insidiously than that. It can tear us apart, and it plays out like the following:

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

As violence towards our community escalates, they will start publically pointing at things “we are doing” that are “causing” the escalation. 

They will use this term “we���, because they don’t understand that we are not homogeneous.

Sometimes we ourselves, as individuals, will not be part of that “we”. 

It will be terrifying, in that moment, to have rights stripped away (or worse) without having any perceived control, and that lack of control will feel like it is due to the actions of another being blamed on you. 

DON’T FALL FOR IT THOUGH!

This is misdirection. They do not have to hurt us, even if we are loudly gay, even if we protest the ways they are hurting us already.

Please, please don’t let yourself get to a safe place and wonder why others aren’t hiding. You are allowed to keep yourself safe. In fact, I encourage it, but please remember that those of us fighting this thing publicly are not the enemy. We need your support and solidarity.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

We are a big family with many different survival strategies:

We don't all have to utilize the same one

We don't have to stick with our original choice over time

We are not bound to only using one at a time

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m going to end this with a list of some survival strategies found in nature, because I'm definitely rambling and this was the thought I actually started typing this post with:

Do you recognize any of your own strategies in the list below?

Do you recognize any that are the opposite?

Can you hold that we are all in this together coping in our own ways, that we are not each others’ enemies?

Can you remember that "health" is a social construct, and that a strategy doesn't have to be the "best" one for it to be functional for the time being to keep someone alive?

I hope you can, because we will need each other to get through the coming years.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

STRATEGIES:

Becoming a spore (more info) - Shutting down completely for a bit - Sleeping more - Building mental walls

Playing dead (more info) - Retreating from social life  - Retreating from social media - Missing work

Camouflage (more info) - Going back in the closet - Codeswitching - Becoming extremely quiet

Mimicry of a more dangerous creature (more info) - Being argumentative/loud - Being assertive - Presenting even more queerly

Nocturnality (more info) - Nocturnality - Avoiding people - Staying in a social bubble

Distraction (more info) - Drag - Hacking - Certain forms of protest

Pursuit-Deterrent Signals (more info) - Making oneself needed - Feigning compliance - Presenting in “stealth” mode

Mobbing (more info) - Protests - Taking down websites - Coworker solidarity to create workspace change

Staying in the middle of a group (more info) - Being in community support networks - Going to therapy - Getting to know your neighbors

Sounding an alarm (more info) - Being loud on social media - Being loud in the workplace - Naming the quiet parts out loud

[kafus]

i wont feel offended if you ignore this ask btw, i get that its asking something kind of personal! but can i ask what you mean by the internet treating DID as magical?

hi i actually enjoy DID questions don't worry LOL and i'm in the mood rn

when most people think about DID they are usually thinking about very overt cases with very distinct alters with vastly different personalities, different names, gender identities, etc. while this is a popular angle to imagine DID, overt cases like that are actually a pretty small percentage of what DID tends to look like. (of course, social media can push people's presentation to become more overt, which isn't fake/bad or anything, humans are social animals and the way we interact with each other can affect even our mental illnesses. additionally some people will become more overt after receiving therapy while they start communicating with alters for the first time. but my point is DID is not usually that strikingly obvious)

this popular perception also leaves out a lot of the rest of DID which falls in line with what people consider more "typical" disorders, PTSD symptoms galore, dissociation/dissociative amnesia, somatic pains and illness, comorbid conditions and physical disabilities. i think if people had more of an understanding of the non-alter parts of DID, it would ground the disorder a lot more and make it a lot less "magical" seeming.

but overall it all comes back to like... people not understanding that DID is just an extension of PTSD and other parts-based disorders. the same psychological process that makes PTSD/C-PTSD happen, BPD, etc, is what causes DID, it's just pushed to a far extreme due to when the trauma is experienced (very early childhood) and other factors surrounding that trauma, such as the length of time the trauma occurred over, or whether or not the child had stable caregivers and/or relief from traumatic events. DID is not some sort of completely separate category of mental illness - alters (the DID definition of them) may be unique to DID, but they come from the same place a ton of other mental illnesses do and there's a ton of overlapping symptoms between DID and pretty much every disorder caused by trauma.

i often see people act like DID is some far off life experience they couldn't even fathom or imagine living with, but if anyone just actually explained this shit properly i'm pretty sure most people, especially traumatized people, would go "oh that makes sense" and not feel so estranged from it lol. it's really frustrating because people continuing to see DID as this sort of magical, far-off experience, takes the disability/disorder out of it in conversation about it (people can only ever seem to talk about alters) and it also usually ends up spreading misinformation at the same time. there's sooo much bullshit about DID out there. good grief. it even hurts other people with trauma-based conditions that aren't DID

edit: wait also btw OSDD-1 is included in this conversation, i'm just using DID as shorthand instead of typing DID/OSDD every time and i am personally diagnosed with DID so lol

[cheesus-doodles]

i was thinking about a fluffy sleepover with bf kazutora…he’s so cute

happy birthday tory!! also no kazutora bday goods??

Masterlist

‎‎

With BFF Kazutora, even if he isn't yandere (in my opinion, that would be a miracle in itself), think extremely, extremely clingy. But let's say it froze in hell and this is normal non-yandere BFF Kazutora.

‎‎

12 years past Kazutora would be absolutely delighted by your suggestion of a sleepover at your place. Yes sure, he had been in your bedroom multiple times before, this boy has even napped and cuddled with you previously. It's not even his first sleepover - you're his bestfriend, no doubt Kazutora has already spent countless nights over at your place, be it whether he just doesn't want to go home or for convenience.

When he turns up with snacks, you already have his set of favorite matching PJs ready for him to change into after he showers (of course you do), and there's definitely some kind of routine the two of you always follow when it comes to sleepovers.

First off, shower and change. Then right after, it's TV time. Always TV time.

The two of you will line an area of the floor of your room with pillows and plushies to make a comfy fort, following which you will put on whatever show it is you want to watch. You get to watch one show, and then Kazutora gets to pick one, and the two of you would be happy to eat snacks and sip on hot chocolate in silence. This Toman delinquent will always swear up and down that the hot chocolate you make is unbeatable, so every sleepover now includes one (1) mandatory cup (if not he will cry and say you hate him).

After that, if there is homework to be done for the next day, you will usually work with Tory to get that sorted out. But be it whether there is or isn't, during this time is usually when you two start chatting about whatever it is that happened during the day. Neither you nor Kazutora ever keep secrets from each other, so even though you disapprove of him getting into fights, the yellow and black haired boy will still tell you about all the fights he got into that day, and in return, you will tell him about your classes and the freshest classroom gossip.

Finally, the last step before actually going to sleep always has to be pillow fight. It will always start out of nowhere, with sometimes you ambushing Kazutora with a whack to the back of his head as he is returning to your room from the bathroom, and other times Tory taking it upon himself to end homework time prematurely by smothering you with a giant plush.

And you two don't pull any punches when it comes to pillow fights. Free-for-all, the two of you hurling plushies and pillows at each other from across the room, giggling and laughing as you tried to dodge the missile aimed straight for you from the other and vice versa.

Kazutora always sleeps in your bed. This boy won't be sleeping anywhere else but right next to you in the same bed. Suggesting other alternatives will only earn you the kicked puppy look and a huge crying tantrum if the former doesn't work, the whole yard. Contrary to popular belief, this boy is actually super fussy about where he sleeps, the type of bed and pillows he likes etc, everything you, as his bestfriend, would already know.

So you always makes sure to fluff up his pillow, tuck him in and give him a kiss on his forehead before you snuggle in yourself, and the minutes left before you fall asleep would be spent reassuring this poor boy that yes you really were his bestfriend, and that no, you didn't plan on breaking this friendship ever. Because even if the two of you have been friends for years on end and been through thick and thin together, Kazutora is just simply to insecure to ever believe anyone would want to stick by him.

And this boy can grip. Clamps on to you in his sleep and absolutely will not let go whatsoever, so if he hasn't woken by the time you need to head to school, you can forget about it.

‎

12 years Timeskip Kazutora is a lot more mentally stable and confident in his relationships, but that doesn't mean that he is any less attached at the hip when it comes to you. Still loves sleepovers as much as he did as a kid, and takes every opportunity to do so whenever your schedule permits (because let's be real, you were the more responsible of the two and had a real, grown-up job). Sometimes its arranged, sometimes its impromptu when Kazutora feels the urge to, and he would just roll up and stroll in like he owns the place, if he didn't already all but move in with you.

Any sleepover still follows the same exact steps as twelve years prior, and he still has a favorite set of sleepover PJs that matches with yours. Though you were usually more than happy to accommodate your Tory, he isn't exactly the person with the best habits, and you sometimes find yourself having to take the next day off work because you had a sudden sleepover sprung on you.

A walking radiator who prefers to sleep shirtless, still loves to snuggle with you and his sleep habit of clamping on to you and never letting go has not let up, which is one of the main reasons you try to dodge weekday sleepovers. Kazutora is the ultimate enabler though, encouraging you to take the time off and spend the time with him, and usually has to be disciplined with a (loving) smack to the back of his head.

Still will cry if he doesn't get his hot chocolate or you don't tuck him in and kiss him on the forehead, so this boy never really did grow up much.

[thesummerestsolstice]

Unwritten Fics game

I was tagged by @runawaymun to talk about all my as-of-yet unwritten fic ideas! I have many, many of them. Here are a few. Feel free to send me asks about any of them, or to tell me which ones you'd most like to read in the tags!

Earendil-drinks-the-Silmail-AU: see Tumblr post here. Elwing gives Earendil the Silmaril's light to try and heal him from an illness, and both he (and later E&E) now have the light of the Silmaril within them. This causes problems for the Oath of Feanor. Can't decide whether to make it serious and heartbreaking or extremely silly.

Immortal Elros AU: definitely need to post about this one. In which Elros sees the mortals who will become the people of Numenor, loves them, and decides the best way to help them is to be immortal, to protect their descendants and maintain their legacy long after they're gone. He becomes Numenor's beloved guardian, caring for it's people for centuries. This all goes pretty well until Tar-Mairon shows up on the island.

Faustian Bargain AU: when both Gil-Galad and Celebrimbor are captured during Eregion's fall, Elrond makes a dangerous deal with Sauron to get them back. In exchange for their release, Elrond offers to become Sauron's captive, and to help him in his efforts to reach the Void and free Morgoth. Elrond, of course, has other plans. So do the now-free (and incredibly worried) Gil Galad and Celebrimbor.

Unexpected Problems: see Tumblr posts here and here. All about the issues Elrond runs into in Valinor– from people debating about whether or not he counts as an Ainur to Noldor being scandalized that he only wears a couple pounds of jewelry. Also his repeated attempts to stop Galadriel and Bilbo from completely destroying Valinorian society.

The Love of a Parent: Elrond's parents continue to look out for him, whether from beyond the circles of the world or from the stars above. Probably largely outsider POV. A chance for more eldritchry.

On Estel: In which Earendil goes into the void, searching for Maeglin's lost spirit. Slight AU in the sense that it's very Maeglin sympathetic, and has him having a good familial relationship with Turgon, Idril, and Earendil.

Ten Little Soldier Boys: my take on who Finrod's faithful ten were, why they were so loyal, and the moments they each decided they would give anything to keep Finrod safe. OC heavy but very dear to my heart.

Misfits, Outcasts, and other Characters of Ill-Repute: a series of oneshots about the various people who end up in Rivendell and how they got there. Includes canon characters (Glorfindel, Erestor, Lindir, etc.) and some OCs (including an old Feanorian diehard and one of Thingol's bodyguards, and, of course, Garthaglir the Library Orc)

No pressure, but I'm going to second Runawaymun's tagging of @jaz-the-bard (I don't think they've done the game yet but I might've missed it on their blog)

[shinestarhwaa]

HONGJOONG NSFW ALPHABET

A - Aftercare (how is he after sex)

I think Hongjoong is quite gentle, he will pay attention to your needs and your behavior so he can cater to your needs. He'll probably provide some water and shower with you.

B- Bodypart (his favourite bodypart on you)

He loves your hands. His mind is a little poetic so he likes your hands for all kinds of reasons; you can do beautiful things with them, you could change the world with them. But he is also just obsessed with the way you touch him with your hands-

C - Cum (anything to do with cum)

He loves to cum inside your mouth, feeling you swallow it makes him go feral.

D - Dirty secret (his dirty secret)

He wants to record the sound of you two having sex in his studio and maybe even include something in a song one day (nothing too extreme obv).

E - Experience (how experienced is he?)

I would say he has experience, but I don't think he's been with that many people. But he defo knows what he is doing.

F - Favourite position

Doggy. Doggy. Doggy.

G - Goofy (how he acts in the moment?)

He's not super goofy, unless he's under influence, otherwise he will smile or smirk but it's more out of love/lust than really laughing at something.

H - Hair (how groomed is he?)

I would say he's the type to have everything shaved tbh, if not it's verrrryy trimmed.

I - Intimacy (how passionate is he?)

He's quite passionate I think, he's the type to fuck into you from behind and mutter dirty words into your ear.

J - Jack off (how often does he masturbate?)

I would say not a lot but a regular amount? Maybe 2-3 times a week depending on his schedules.

K - Kink

He loves clothes so I think he'd also be the type to really love lingerie and types of sexual clothing.

L - Location (what's his favourite place to have sex?)

Bedroom / studio.

M - Motivation (what keeps him going?)

He loves feeling your hands over his body and your fingers in his hair MMMM.

N - NO (what is a no-go for him/turn-offs?)

I don't think he's the type to be an exhibitionist/voyeur, so he might say no to that and keep stuff private.

O - Oral (giving or receiving, skill etc.)

This man's a giver fr.

P - Pace (fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

I think he's slow at first, teasing you and then getting faster and faster towards the end.

Q - Quickie (their opinion on quickies)

This man is BIG on quickies, even if it's not penetrating and it's just oral or fingering, he loves it.

R - Risk (experiments, taking risks etc.)

He might experiment in bdsm? I feel like he's the type to be into stuff like that-

S - Stamina (how long does he last?)

I would say he lasts quite a while but he's the type for having just one round, but it'd just be a long ass round tbh. Would have sex multiple times a day, just not many times in a row.

T - Toys (do they own toys? does he use them with his partner or himself?)

Oh yeah he got 'em, uses them on both of you. Definitely.

U - Unfair (how much do they like to tease?)

SUCH A TEASSEEE OMG? Would live for teasing tf out of you and make you yearn for them.

V - Volume (how loud are they? what sounds do they make?)

I don't think Joong would be too loud, but he'd be keeping it on the low but his breathing would give it away.

W - Wild Card (random headcanon)

Hongjoong bends you over his studio panel as he drops to his knees to dive his tongue into your pussy. You were a moaning mess in no-time, leaning onto the panel and accidentally pushing a button saying rec....

X - X-Ray (what's going on in them pants?)

I don't think he's very big, he's rather an average sized guy. I'd say he'd have more length than girth.

Y - Yearning (how high is their sexdrive?)

Average I think? He has some periods where it's quite high but he also has his lows.

Z - ZZZ (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards?)

Depends where you have sex and if you go for a shower. After a shower he's wide awake, otherwise he's passed out in no time-

Taglist: @anyamaris @a-soft-hornytiny @whatudowhennooneseesyou @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @pyeonghongrie-main @woosanbby @dreamlesswonder86 @changbinslovelylegs @jonghostie @lovjensoo @1-800-shedevil @mjyungi @bratty-tingz @sugarnspice630

[chloecherrysip]

it has been days and i haven't seen ANYONE mention this so fine, FINE, i will be the one to do it

"We'll see how tough this Mario is when he watches me KILL HIS BROTHER!"

THIS LINE ALL BY ITSELF FELT VERY SCARY AND I FULLY UNDERSTAND WHY THERE WAS NEVER A MOMENT WHERE BOWSER COULD ACTUALLY TRY TO MAKE GOOD ON THIS THREAT, THAT'D BE TOO INTENSE FOR THE TONE THEY WERE GOING FOR, BUT...

WHAT IF...

(look, all i'm saying is the angst gremlin inside of me came ALIVE for a hot second and started imagining scenes playing out in different ways where Bowser DOES have this opportunity with both brothers together before the final battle and it is extremely heartwrenching stuff, OKAY)

I was originally gonna end this post here but welp, now I brainstormed a whole alternative scene under the cut

Imagine this: we're on the Rainbow Road. The blue shell hits! DK does still fall into the ocean (maybe yelling "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAUUUUULT" at Mario as he goes down) but Mario is thrown back by the explosion onto the side of Rainbow Road with Cranky Kong and the other Kongs (he is definitely injured, though) and lands there as they freak out about DK. Peach and Toad are still safely on the other side.

Mario is thus captured with all the other Kongs and taken to Bowser's airship (Peach and Mario call out to each other worriedly but there's nothing she can do and the flying Koopas are coming after her too so Mario yells for her to run and her and Toad have to flee, waaah)

(This would also let Bowser and Mario actually get to meet before the end, which I think would have been nice! Not absolutely necessary, I think the movie works fine without it, but it would have really driven home the threat/stakes a little harder and created a stronger Darkest Moment, I think)

Bowser, seeing that Mario is captured, is just FILLED with hateful glee and wants to break this little man down so badly after he DARED to get close to HIS princess, and he asks Kamek to bring out Luigi from the prison

Mario, now in the airship and restrained, gets to actually SEE Bowser and register how big/menacing he is and they have some banter where Bowser is FURIOUS and Mario is honestly just kind of confused, like, "dude, what is your problem with me??? I just came to this world two days ago???" (He's scared, of course, he's never seen anyone quite like Bowser before, but he also knows his type right away - he's a bully, and Mario's dealt with his fair share of bullies, that's for sure)

But then of course the conversation comes around to "WHERE IS MY BROTHER, LET MY BROTHER GO" and then Luigi is brought in, hands bound, and the brothers can't help but have big, teary smiles and call out happily for each other

But that happiness ends QUICKLY because Bowser advances on Luigi and Mario realizes all at once what's going to happen and he tries to run at him but Kamek drags him back with the magic

And like...I am not one for anything TOO excessive here, I wouldn't want it to be TOO far outside what a movie like this would include, but Bowser does start to hurt Luigi - picking him up and throwing him down, kicking him, scratching him up, and Mario is just in AGONY and desperately struggling to pull free from the magic and begging Bowser to stop, please, if he's mad at someone, hurt HIM, beat HIM up, whatever he wants, but please, don't take it out on his brother, PLEASE, he'll do ANYTHING

But of course, that just makes Bowser taunt Mario more, because he CAN'T do anything. He wants to see Mario broken down and a pathetic mess and begging HIM, the great Koopa King, for mercy because the princess would never be attracted to someone like THAT, how could she, how shameful! Bowser will be sure to tell her ALL about it when he proposes, he is delighted

(oh man, Bowser could even say something like that "whatever happens to him is YOUR fault, you brought your dear brother down with you when you dared to meddle in my fairytale wedding!!!" And it's a ~*~THEMATIC CALLBACK~*~ to Mario's dad, waaaah)

And finally, it looks like Bowser is going to strike a BIG blow but Kamek gets distracted or Mario just becomes desperate enough to pull free of the magic's influence with the power of BROTHERLY LOVE and he gets a punch in on Bowser that knocks him back!!!

And then Mario is helping Luigi up, holding his bruised face sweetly and reassuring him that it's gonna be okay, they're gonna get out of here and go home, and they try to run but they get dragged apart by guards/Kamek/etc again

Bowser is EXTREMELY MAD but manages to calm down and says that he actually appreciates Mario interrupting him with his pathetic little punch because he almost acted too rashly. After all, if he kills Luigi now, he'll be one prisoner short for his ritualistic sacrifice for him and Peach's wedding! Can't have that! Too bad Mario's gonna miss it! And then he grabs Mario and carries him out while Luigi is being carried/dragged back to prison and they're both horrified and crying out each other's names desperately as they're separated AGAIN

Mario gets thrown off the airship by Bowser into the ocean and left for dead (Mario probably gets one more defiant line where he swears he's gonna stop Bowser and Bowser tells Mario that'll never happen but not to worry, him and Peach are going to be very happy together and Mario and his brother will be reunited soon enough - in DEATH [evil laughter])

And then Mario gets swallowed by the eel and DK is already there and things start to play out the same way as the movie from there EXCEPT that when him and DK snipe at each other, Mario starts to break down a little and the line "Well, at least your brother's not gonna die because of you!" has a LOT more emotional weight to it and it's just a longer, more heartwrenching Darkest Moment scene in general, sob)

(and you could also have a scene with Luigi back in prison where he is obviously extremely shaken up and hurt and not knowing what happened to Mario, what did Bowser do with him, is his brother even still ALIVE, why was he so WEAK and unable to do anything, unable to even protect himself or help Mario, etc etc and that helps him have a character beat that maybeeeee makes his surprise rescue of Mario at the end feel more earned????? HMM)

I'M SORRY, I LOVE ANGST (that eventually ends happily) AND IT COMPELS ME

i'm gonna have to write this as an actual, full-fledged fic, aren't I, lolol

[aidenlydia]

hey ho!! the 09 simon sh anon here (what a weird title. anyways) first of all, thank you for replying! didn't know you hc simon as autistic, which makes him, in a way, even more relatable to me <33

i have another question, this time about simons and johnnys relationship. you mentioned that johnny helps simon cope, especially with his aggression / sh. do you have any specific headcanons how simon does that? do they have any specific rituals for when simon starts struggling? and also, the other way around, when johnny starts struggling with his OCD and depression?

cw: self-harm

Oh boy do I have a lot of thoughts about this. But first some definitions for those who are unfamiliar:

Autistic Meltdown - a intense response to overwhelming stress or dysregulation, leading to loss of control over behavior and difficulty calming down. Common signs include crying, yelling, rocking, pacing, dissociating, intense stimming and aggressive or self-injurious behavior (hitting, biting, kicking).

Shutdown - a form of meltdown where a person becomes extremely still, silent and withdrawn rather than outwardly aggressive.

Stimming - repetition of certain physical movements or vocalizations that autistic people use to calm themselves down or express their feelings.

Intrusive thoughts - unwanted thoughts that pop into one's mind without warning, at any time. They're often repetitive and can be disturbing or distressing.

Obsessions - intrusive thoughts that are hard to manage, get stuck in one's head and have a negative impact on daily life.

Compulsions - repetitive things one feels they have to do (mentally or physically) in order to reduce distress and anxiety caused by obsessions (to make things feel right again). One might know that it doesn't make sense to carry out a compulsion, but is unable to resist doing it.

I think the first step is being patient and not judging each other.

The way Ghost feels during and after a meltdown is complete loss of control, accompanied by shame. That's why SH is so easy to fall back to. It re-establishes some sense of control, which can be both a relief and a punishment at the same time.

Similarly with MacTavish, when his intrusive thoughts get the better of him and he starts spinning his wheels (getting stuck in compulsions and increasingly agitated) he knows he's both out of control and unable to stop it while probably being judged if witnessed.

It boils down to not being understood and feeling like everyone thinks you're crazy. Your self-esteem and sense of belonging take a massive hit. But having someone witness you at such a low point and support you through it, without thinking less of you afterwards, already makes a huge difference.

I don't think MacTavish knows he has OCD, he's probably only aware of the stereotype (obsession with being clean and organized) and thinks of his own symptoms as "a weakness" he needs to hide and overcome by sheer willpower to be able to keep his job and the respect of his colleagues.

Ghost isn't blind to it, he notices a lot of MacTavish's quirks and insecurities that others don't. He takes them seriously, wants to understand and help.

Part of MacTavish's depression is connected to his OCD - it makes him very anxious and tired. If anything goes wrong his depressed mind will find a way to blame himself and his compulsions get worse in response to his new intrusive thoughts/obsessions. Anything can become an obsession and the excessive misery caused by it makes him feel even more depressed. And on it goes.

At first Ghost falls into the trap of wanting to help and relieve MacTavish of some of his distress by accommodating one or more of his compulsions - it seems to make him feel better. However the more you give into compulsions, the stronger they get and end up making the symptoms worse in the long run.

The key to truly support MacTavish is to help him resist his compulsions. Ghost learns firsthand that endorsing the behaviors does more harm than good, including giving reassurance, which is a common symptom of OCD (and the most heartbreaking for both parties. It feels like a rejection to MacTavish and Ghost feels so mean for doing it, but it is for MacTavish's own good).

You can read more about it here: If You Love Someone With OCD, You May Need to Stop Reassuring Them That Everything Is OK

Of course Ghost can still validate his feelings, recognizing how upset it makes MacTavish and remind him to be patient and compassionate with himself while also staying consistent in his encouragement to keep resisting. Instead of trying to make the distress go away, Ghost helps him to accept it and ride it out together. Sometimes while in the thick of it they resort to distraction (doing something else to take his mind off it, which isn't exactly the best go-to coping skill) and physical affection (for emotional support). During a crisis situation Ghost will usually fold and let him give into a compulsion, he still has to learn how to deal with those.

Another thing that helps MacTavish a lot is when Ghost starts telling him about some of his own intrusive thoughts (everyone can have them). It makes him feel less alone/more normal, helps him open up more about his worries and reaffirms his belief that Ghost doesn't think he's crazy or a bad person. Remember, he doesn't know he has OCD yet.

I'm not sure Ghost would know or even suspect he has Autism either, autistic afab kids don't fit the "typical" stereotype and are often overlooked. He probably got called weird and off-putting his entire life, as well as being bullied without even realizing it. He only knows he isn't like the others and prefers to be alone because everyone understands the world and communication in a way he just doesn't.

He embraces his weirdness instead of hiding it, doesn't care if people think his mask is corny or that they should keep their distance from a freak like him. He's tired of not being understood, so he isolates himself and doesn't try to change anyone's mind anymore.

Nobody really gets him until MacTavish. He tends to leave a negative first impression; being perceived as rude, aggressive and disrespectful because of missed social cues. His meltdowns are mistaken for childish tantrums or manipulation. MacTavish can tell he's definitely odd, but he appreciates Ghost's straightforwardness and blunt honesty instead of being offended by it. Ghost responds well to MacTavish because he needs very clear and direct communication without it being condescending and patronizing, which MacTavish is naturally very good at. No mind games, no reading between the lines.

It's also why Ghost doesn't mind taking his mask off in front of him, not only does he trust MacTavish enough to be vulnerable, but he doesn't fear being off-putting or having his facial expressions (or lack thereof) misunderstood. They are similar in that regard, MacTavish has resting angry face and is often mistaken as aggressive, intimidating or confrontational because of it. Ghost sees there's a much more sensitive and thoughtful man underneath the hard exterior.

MacTavish doesn't have much experience with meltdowns, but can tell Ghost isn't escalating on purpose. It starts with Ghost showing signs of anxiety - pacing, rocking or becoming very still and quiet. He tries to calm himself down by fidgeting/stimming, bouncing his leg, grinding his teeth or biting at his lip. Sometimes he will ask repetitive questions, seeking reassurance, or become increasingly nonverbal. He is easily frustrated and has difficulty communicating or expressing himself clearly.

Meltdowns can be triggered by many things at once, a mix of distress intolerance, emotional regulation issues and sensory overloads. Meaning lack of sleep, stress, too many unexpressed emotions, change in routine/big life changes, too much noise, being touched too much, bright lights (that's why he wears sunglasses), too much smell, not getting enough air, ect. It can be completely overwhelming.

MacTavish responds by staying calm and quiet, not talking over Ghost and moving slowly. Any additional stimulus makes the overload worse. He gives Ghost space, doesn't touch him without permission and never punishes him for "losing it" during his meltdown or afterwards. He gets Ghost into a safe, quiet room or place until it's over. Things that help Ghost calm down is silence, a cold compress on his forehead, noise canceling headphones, laying down with the lights out and MacTavish's entire weight laid on top of him or something cold to drink.

After meltdowns Ghost feels exhausted and either needs some time alone to recharge or becomes very clingy for a while. He often doesn't remember what exactly happened and is very self-critical, but MacTavish won't allow him to be ashamed of himself or engage in his typical SH behavior, opting for calming affection and distraction instead.

If Ghost's urge to SH is coming from a place of anger they tear paper in little pieces together, go for a run or exercise. If it's from sadness they hold each other, listen to music, let MacTavish massage him or get out into nature. If it's from feeling numb, he's allowed to flick an elastic band on his wrists or hold ice cubes.

To prevent a meltdown or SH the trigger needs to be recognized early enough to be either removed in time or given a coping strategy. They develop a code sign for Ghost to use when he feels unstable, so MacTavish can help him regulate or get him away to somewhere quiet where they can properly communicate. The more Ghost trusts him, the easier it is for Ghost to communicate and disclose his distress. When Ghost becomes nonverbal they either write or speak in sign language to navigate the situation.

After leaving the military they struggle more with their relationship and gain a deeper understanding of each other by finally getting diagnosed. They end up going to therapy together where they learn how to properly manage MacTavish's compulsions and get him treatment for depression. They develop relationship strategies and identify Ghost's meltdown and SH triggers as well.

I think this is a good place to stop for now. Perhaps one day I'll get into my DID Ghost headcanon/ideas, but my fingers hurt from typing so it will have to wait lmao

This is a continuation from a previous post

[sevensoulmates]

Buck, Eddie, Love Interests & Vulnerability

So I noticed something interesting while I was watching a romcom with my friend tonight and I wanted to share my thoughts.

I remembered that in writing romance, whether for screen or in written format, one of the fundamental keys to making your characters establish a deep relationship is to have them share vulnerable moments.

Why is it important for two characters to be mutually vulnerable to develop a romance? Because if your potential partner is not able to see the most vulnerable parts of yourself and love you for it even more, then that's not the partner for you. Most of us are aware of this, and that's why those moments in any romance where two characters open up and let each other in are extremely important.

Now I want to talk about Buck and Eddie's relationships with their various LI's (hopefully as briefly as I can) and analyze the relationships and the audience's reception to them.

With Buck, his relationship with Abby, love it or hate it, definitely included many vulnerable moments with the two of them opening up to each other. Buck felt like Abby could see him, and he was able to be vulnerable with her about how he felt. Abby was very open about her struggles with her mom. This bonded them together quickly and allowed the audience to at least understand why they were into each other if nothing else. I still believe Buck's relationship with Abby was the strongest of his female love interests in the show (even despite all the faults).

With Ali, the only time we see Buck be vulnerable is right after the truck explosion, and instead of that vulnerability being accepted, it is rejected by Ali, hence why their relationship does not continue.

With Taylor....this relationship was lopsided. Taylor managed to open up to Buck during the pandemic episodes, and about her past, and Buck accepted her and supported her, but the same could not be said vice versa. With the exception of the scene where Taylor tries to help Buck after Eddie is shot (and even that has him rejecting her and her insisting but I digress), when Buck opened up about things, his insecurities, etc, they were almost always met with skepticism, mockery, and even exasperation, even though she was no longer outwardly cruel. Buck made a lot of mistakes in their relationship too, but all of this (in my personal opinion) was done because he knew, subconsciously, that he and Taylor were not fully connecting on the emotional level they both needed, and that led to their ultimate breakup.

With Natalia, the girl wasn't comfortable with any part of Buck's life, and I don't think either of them really shared any truly vulnerable moments at all. Even though they were talking a lot about Buck's death. I think at first, Buck misunderstood Natalia's interest in his death as acceptance of his vulnerabilities (exactly what he was missing in his last relationship with Taylor) but in the end, he realized that once again, they were not connecting the way they needed to, and he ended it.

Now, I'm going to shift to Eddie because he's interesting. The first relationship we see him in is with Shannon. We see moments between the two of them where Shannon is able to open up about her vulnerabilities with Eddie...but (in my opinion) I don't know if Eddie was ever able to truly accept them, as evidenced by him being "unable to trust her" even after he's already begun sleeping with her. In contrast, I don't think we ever really see Eddie open up to her, not really, not even during the very last time they have dinner together. His speech to Shannon is less about him being open and honest with his vulnerabilities, but more so a promise to stifle his worries about their relationship, his fears about what she could do to Chris (and Eddie) emotionally, to fall back into the comfortable nuclear family they'd made, to keep his issues to himself all in the pursuit of "making it right" with her. In Eddie Begins, we also see that when Shannon tries to make vulnerable connections with Eddie they are shut down, and when Eddie is given opportunities to open up to Shannon and let her in on how he's feeling, he denies them. I understand why some people find their relationship fascinating, but I think most people agree these two were never right for each other because Eddie and Shannon are never able to make the true, deep vulnerable connections necessary in order to really truly be there and accept and love each other as true forever partners.

Next, we have Ana. Good lord the only vulnerable conversation these two ever had on screen was their breakup. They have awkward dates where they talk about math, and when Ana tries to get Eddie to start talking about Shannon ie "I know there's not been anyone in his life since his mom" Eddie very promptly shuts down that convo. Later on, even after Eddie is shot, they still don't have any vulnerable conversations. Then, when Eddie has his panic attacks, still nothing. The only time Eddie is ever 100% honest with her is when they break up. And that's why literally no one watching had any investment in these two as a couple.

I want to spare a brief interlude for Felisa Valdez and Vanessa. I hypothesize a lot of the reason why people think Eddie "had chemistry" with these two was not just because they are all hot individuals or had any sort of special connection (let's be real they were all virtual strangers to each other). But there is one thing that sets both of them apart from Eddie's other two love interests. Felisa was able to be very open and honest with Eddie about why she stays in not-so-healthy friendships, and in turn, Eddie shared with her about the tsunami and Chris. They were able to connect through mutual vulnerability (even though it wasn't too deep on Eddie's end). Similarly, Vanessa is able to be open with Eddie about how she was hurt by her ex-fiance in the past and that she wants to protect her own feelings now. Eddie both admires her honesty and connects with her vulnerability (as it is a shared one even though Eddie doesn't tell her so onscreen). But because of that vulnerable moment, most of us actually really liked Vanessa and thought she and Eddie were cute.

Moving on to Marisol, it could be argued that Eddie sees Marisol in her most vulnerable moment (when she thinks her brother is gonna die), but that was not really a moment where Marisol chooses to be vulnerable with Eddie, he just happens to be there witnessing it. Then fast forward through the rest of the scenes they have in season 6, there are no moments of them being open and vulnerable with each other (and no I don't count the asking-out scene that was just awkwardness). Then we head into season 7, she's been in one scene, and that was all surface level too. In fact, the person that Eddie's being most vulnerable with in that same scene is Buck. For that reason, and external reasons related to the actress, most people are not interested in Eddie/Marisol at all.

Which brings me to my next and biggest point.

The person that Buck and Eddie have been able to share most of, if not all, their biggest vulnerability moments with is each other. Yes, Buck has vulnerable scenes with Maddie (but that's his sister), and both of them have vulnerable scenes with Bobby (but that's their father), but even those moments are outshined by just how deeply vulnerable Buck and Eddie are able to be with each other.

I could go on to list each and every moment Buck and Eddie have been vulnerable with each other and then found equal and reciprocated acceptance each and every time, but that's unnecessary because most of us already just flash-forwarded through all their scenes at light speed, so I don't need to tell you what you already know. But I think the sheer amount of times that Buck and Eddie have been vulnerable with each other in ways that are EXCLUSIVE to each other, is why a fuckton of us in this fandom are so down bad for them as a couple and will fight tooth and nail for them to get their happy ending together.

So, with that being said I'm interested to see where the rest of season 7 goes. Are we going to get some actual real moments of vulnerability between Eddie and Marisol (or Buck and *maybe* Tommy)? Or are they just going to remain surface level, never actually developing their relationship into anything worthwhile. And if what the endless amount of articles on Buddie keep saying is true, then it's Buck and Eddie who are going to keep being open and vulnerable with each other, getting closer, and seeing their relationship develop into new territory.

[hauntingofhouses]

i know I've mentioned my interpretation of mizu's gender a million times on here but i don't think i ever fully elaborated on it.

so on that note i just wanna ramble about that for a bit. basically, it's my reading of the show that mizu is nonbinary, so let me dig into that.

putting the rest under the cut because it ended up being pretty long lol. also here have a cute mizu pic of her being happy and most at ease with herself, symbolised by her letting her hair down. <3 ok let's proceed.

thus, when i refer to mizu as nonbinary, i am interpreting mizu as a woman, but not ONLY a woman. not strictly a woman. she is also a man. she is also neither of these things, she is something in between, while at the same time she is none of these at all. i've said as much many times, but i just don't want people to think that when i say nonbinary, it inherently means a "third androgynous gender" that essentially turns the gender binary into a gender trinary. not only is that going against what the term nonbinary was crafted for (to go against rigid boxes and categorisation of gender identities), but also, not all nonbinary people fall under that category or definition, and that's definitely not the way i interpret mizu.

okay before i go deeper i'd just like to address some important things. first of all, this post is an analysis of canon, and thus everything i am arguing for is about my own interpretation of the show, and not some baseless projected headcanon i am projecting onto the character. please remember there is a difference between an interpretation (subjective; interpretations will differ from viewer to viewer, but ultimately it is firmly rooted in evidence taken from the source material) VS a headcanon (unrelated and often even contrary to what is presented in canon; opinions wildly differ and they cannot be argued for because there is no canonical evidence to back it up).

ALSO please note that nonbinary is an umbrella term. this means that it applies to a vast range of gender identities. other identities that fall under the nonbinary umbrella include agender, bigender, genderfluid, and so on. however, it's my personal preference to use the term nonbinary as it is, simply because i'm not a fan of microlabels (more power to you if you do like them and find they suit you more though!).

also, before anyone fights me on this, let me clarify further that gender means something different to everyone. it's not your biological sex or physical characteristics. but at the same time, gender is not mere presentation. you can be a trans woman and still present masculine—either because you're closeted and forced to, or because you just want to—and either way, that doesn't take away from your identity as a woman. same goes for trans men. if you're a trans man but you wear skirts and don't bind or don't get top surgery, that doesn't make you any less of a man. because gender non-conformity exists, and does not only apply to cis people! some lesbians are nonbinary and prefer using he/him pronouns while dressing masculinely, but that doesn't mean they're a man, or that they're any less of a lesbian. neither does this mean that they're a cis woman.

the thing about queer identities in general is that, like i said, they mean something different to everyone, because how you identify—regardless of your biological attributes and fashion or pronouns—is an extremely personal experience. so a nonbinary person and a gnc cis woman's experiences might have plenty of overlap, but what distinguishes between the two is up to the individual. there's no set requirements to distinguish you as one or the other, but it's up to you to decide what you identify as, based on what you feel. either way, by simply identifying yourself as anything under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, you are already communicating to the world that you are not what a conservative, cisheteronormative society wants you to be.

which is why i find all this queer infighting on labels to be so ridiculous. because we're all fighting the same fight; the common enemy is a societal structure that divides us into set roles and expectations purely based on our biological parts. that's why biological essentialism in the queer community is a fucking disease. because by arguing that women are inherently weak and fragile and soft and gentle and must be protected from evil ugly men, while men are inherently strong and angry and violent and exploitative of women, these people are advocating for the same fucked up system that marginalises and abuses women as well as effeminate and/or gay men.

anyway. i'm going on a tangent. this was meant to be a blue eye samurai post. so yeah back to that— the point i'm trying to make is that there's no singular way to identify as anything, as everyone's views on gender, especially their own, is specific and personal to the individual.

so with that being said, yes you can definitely interpret mizu as a gnc cis woman and that's a totally valid reading of the text. however, interpreting her as nonbinary or transmasc also doesn't take away from her experiences with misogyny and female oppression, because nonbinary and transmasc folks also experience these things.

me, personally, i view her as nonbinary but not necessarily or not always transmasc because i still believe femininity and womanhood is a very inherent part of who mizu is. for example, from what we've seen, she does not like binding. it does not give her gender euphoria, but is instead very uncomfortable for her both physically and mentally, and represents her suppressing her true self. which is why when she "invites the whole" of herself, she stands completely bare in front of the fire, breasts unbound and hair untied. when she is on the ship heading to a new land in the ending scene, she is no longer hiding her neck and the lack of an adam's apple. we can thus infer that mizu does not have body dysmorphia. she is, in fact, comfortable in her body, and relies on it extremely, because her body is a weapon. instead, what mizu hates about herself is her face—her blue eyes. she hates herself for her hybridised racial identity, hates herself for being a racial Other. hates that she has no home in her homeland. thus it is important to note that these are not queer or feminist themes, but postcolonial ones.*

* and as a tiny aside on this subject, i really do wish more of the fandom discussion would talk about this more. it's just such an essential part to reading her character. like someone who's read homi k bhabha's location of culture and has watched this show, PLEASE talk to me so we can ramble all about how the show is all about home and alienation from community. please. okay anyway—

nevertheless, queer and feminist themes (which are not mutually exclusive by the way!) are still prevalent in her story, though they are not the main issue that she is struggling with. but she does struggle with it to some extent, and we see this especially during her marriage with mikio, where we see her struggle in women's domestic spaces.

on the other hand, though, she finds no trouble or discomfort in being a man or being around other men—even naked ones—and does not seem stifled by living as one, does not seem all that bothered or uncomfortable navigating through men's spaces. contrast this to something like disney's mulan (1998), where we do see mulan struggle in navigating through men's spaces, as she feels uncomfortable being around so many men, always feeling like she doesn't belong and that she's inherently different from them. mizu has no such experiences like this, as her very personality and approach to life is what can be categorised as typically "masculine". she is straightforward and blunt. her first meeting with mikio, she tells him straight to his face that he's old while frowning and raising a brow at him. she approaches problems with her muscles and fists (or swords), rather than with her words or mind. compare this with mulan, who, while well-trained by the end of the movie, still uses her sharp wits rather than brute strength. this is a typically "feminine" approach. it's also the approach akemi relies on throughout the show—through her intelligence and persuasive tongue, she navigates the brothel with ease. mizu, in contrast to someone like mulan and akemi, struggles with womanhood and femininity, and feels detached from it.

thus, in my opinion, mizu is not simply a man, nor is she simply a woman. she is both. man and woman. masculine and feminine. she has to accept both, rather than suppress one or the other. her name means water. fluid.

as a side note, while i do believe mizu is nonbinary, i also primarily use she/her pronouns for her, but this is a personal preference. i find it's easier to use in fanfic (singular they is confusing to write stories with, but again, that's just my feelings on it, and this is coming from someone who uses they/they pronouns). i also lean towards she/her because it's what the creators and all the official promotional copywriting of the show uses. and even though i am a "death to the author" enjoyer, i feel that when interpreting things that are left open-ended, it does help to look at the creators' take on things. also because, in general, being nonbinary simply doesn't necessitate the use of they/them pronouns. nonbinary is not just a third gender. it's about breaking the binary, in any which way, and that's exactly what mizu does, constantly.

also, i'd also like to mention that one of show's head of story even referred to her with the term "nonbinary", rather than simply "androgynous" (see pic below). and it's possible this could be a slip up on his part, in which he believes the terms are interchangeable (they're not btw), but regardless i find it a very interesting word choice, and one that supports my argument.

so anyway yeah that's my incredibly long rambling post.

TL;DR nonbinary mizu rights 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 congrats if you reached the end of this btw. also ily. unless you're a TERF in which case fuck off. ok i'm done.

[redgoldsparks]

March Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 4 by Ryoko Kui

I'm reading these books so fast I can barely remember which parts of the plot happened in which volume but know that I am still having a great time!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 5 by Ryoko Kui

Oh, this story has taken a darker turn, and also just introduced a whole bunch more characters. Will I be able to keep track of them all? I hope so!

Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb, read by Anne Flosnik 

Unfortunately, this is definitely the weakest Robin Hobb book I've read so far. I was expecting to like it less than the glorious, 5-star previous trilogy, but I actually think I'm going to skip the rest of the Rain Wild Chronicles and read summaries online to get to the next Fitz books. This book follows five main POV characters. This works fairly well for the first half, when the characters are all in different physical locations. However once all of the characters meet up, we start getting the same scene from multiple different POVs, which feels extremely repetitive. Also, almost EVERY SCENE includes a flashback, often a lengthy flashback, sometimes to something that happened only the previous day and could have been told as present-moment action. This writing choice baffled me. It's something I can't remember struggling with in any of Hobb's previous books, but by the end it was driving me up a wall. The book also moved very slowly; the stakes feel lower, and the character far less emotionally true than in the two Fitz trilogies. Disappointing, but I will keep moving forward towards the next part of the series I want to read.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 6 by Ryoko Kui

Damn, a lot of characters get murdered in this volume! Good thing almost everyone who dies in the dungeon can be revived. Also, very excited to finally meet the cat ninja I've been seeing fan art of since before I even started the series :3

Delicious in Dungeon vol 7 by Ryoko Kui

I am still completely caught up in this series. I love the glimpse of Senshi's past revealed in this volume, and the lore of the dungeon that is still being revealed. There was a line in here about how the dungeon leaves you alone if you don't ask much of it, but that if you have strong desires it throws even more obstacles into your way. Our heroes have such big goals right now, but they're marching ahead regardless!

School Trip by Jerry Craft 

A satisfying new installment in the New Kid series from funny, talented, charming Jerry Craft! I appreciated how this volume started to complicate some of the students who had been left a bit one-dimensional in previous books. Several people stood up to and called out a bully; new friendships were built; and Jordan Banks left Paris even more inspired than ever to follow his dreams of becoming an artist. This series has a lot of jokes, but also a lot of heart!

A Frog in Fall (and Later On) by Linnea Sterte 

Minor frog is less than a year old, and is dismayed when winter begins to steal all of the light and warmth from his world. Instead of bunking down safely with his mentor to wait for spring, he sets out on a journey with two vagabond toads passing by on a quest to make it all the way to the tropics. They tramp through the Japanese countryside, encountering tree spirits, new friends, dangers, and views the likes of which minor frog had never even imagined. This is a gorgeous book; every page worth pouring over, an economy of line and detail building a beautiful and mysterious world of talking animals and miniature packaged foods. Made me want to draw.

Dark Rise by CS Pacat read by Christian Coulson 

In 1820s London, orphaned Will tries to earn enough as a dockworker to survive- and evade the killers pursuing him. Violet dresses in her half-brother's clothes and sneaks onto a ship in the Thames to watch a man be branded with his master's mark. Katherine excitedly anticipates her engagement to one of London's richest and most mysterious lords; his gallantry nearly makes up for the fact that he's twice her age. And in the bowels of one of that lord's ships, James tortures a man for information. All of these characters are 16 or 17 years old, but all of them are tangled in an ancient conflict between the Light and the Dark which stretches back into an age of magic before history. This is CS Pacat's YA fantasy debut, and it contains a lot of tropes very familiar to both YA and high fantasy- there are shades of both Tolkien and Rowling in this. Its fast-paced and action-packed, but especially in the first third of the story, the characters all felt fairly thin. None of them have quirks, hobbies, career hopes, relationships outside of immediate family, school, or work; or much more than a brief sketch of past. It took until the mid-way point for what I consider Pacat's major strengths as a writer to emerge: intense, homoerotic interpersonal sparring between characters operating under major power imbalances. Every scene in which the seductive, manipulative, powerful evil gay faced off against the good boy chosen one crackled with energy. Unfortunately, there were only four of these scenes in the whole book. It ends on a cliff-hanger, because of course it does, with a tempting set up for book two; but that doesn't entirely excuse the fact that the first 50% felt like set up. I will definitely keep reading, but long-time Pacat fans should take note that this is toned down version of what I expected based on Captive Prince.

Feeding Ghosts by Tessa Hulls (re-read before event)

What an accomplishment! I savored every page of Feeding Ghosts, absolutely floored by the labor and courage that went into the writing of this book. The inking is gorgeous, the history is clear, digestible, and devastating. This book threads the line between honesty and compassion in a way that I appreciate so much in any memoir, but especially one dealing with family. Hulls lays out the story of three generations of women starting with her grandmother, Sun Yi, a Shanghai journalist who faced intense persecution during the rise of Communism in China, who penned a popular and scandalous memoir and then suffered a mental breakdown. This left her only daughter, Rose, a student at an elite boarding school with no parental figures and no other family to lean on. Eventually Rose earned a scholarship to an American university and in the end moved her mother into her California home. Sun Yi haunted that home during the author's own childhood. The unexamined trauma and codependency of Sun Yi and Rose drove the author to the extreme edges of the Earth, seeking freedom from their ghosts. But in the end, she stopped running from her family history and turned, instead, to face it. Shelve this book with Maus, Fun Home, Persepolis and The Best We Could Do. Re-read it for a second time and got even more out of it on a second pass.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 8 by Ryoko Kui

Laios and company realize that their encounter with changling mushroom rings had more consequences than they'd realized- its the body swap episode! This visual humor is contrasted against increasing dangers from both above and below, as nastier monsters and political machinations begin to close in on our heroic adventuring party. I'm now over halfway through this series and almost feel like I should start reading it more slowly to savor it, but I'll probably just keep devouring it instead.

Lunar New Year Love Story by Gene Luen Yang and Leuyen Pham

High school senior Val grew up knowing her family was unlucky in love; for generations, relationships in her family have ended in heartbreak. Her childhood love of Valentines Day ends with a shocking family revelation and what feels like the beginning of a curse. Then her Vietnamese grandmother sweeps her off to a Lunar New Year celebration in downtown Oakland and a pair of cute lion dancer boys catch her eye. Could one of them break the spell on her heart? This story offers a classic and satisfying rom-com, with Val torn between an outgoing, rich, but flaky boy and a broody, shy, loyal one. The story takes several kdrama style twists and includes ghosts, saints, red envelopes, confessions, fights, reunions, tears, and kisses. For a comic, its wordy; the pages are dense with small panels and thick with dialogue, but also illustrated with such warm, humor, and realism. I really liked that the story included as much of Val's relationship with her family and best friend as romance. And the lion dancing scenes practically leap off the page with color and energy!

Witch Hat Atelier vol 10 by Kamome Shirahama

This series remains as visually stunning as ever but I'm struggling with how every single book expands the cast. There are so many characters now that I don't care about that much, and have trouble remembering from volume to volume. I wish the story line would stick more closely to Coco, her classmates, and their main mentors!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 9 by Ryoko Kui

Oh the stories are all converging! The savior at the bottom of the dungeon is probably a demon! Ituzumi saves the day! I am still having a great time reading this series.

A Dowry of Blood by ST Gibson read by Abby Craden 

A short, very queer, very poly retelling of Dracula focusing on his coven of enthralled lovers. I liked the way the book breezed through history, as the dysfunctional little family moved from one major European city to the next, with snatched moments of glittering joy interwoven with violence and plague. The story is fairly simple, and has a happier ending than I expected, or honestly think the characters deserved.

City of Dragons by Robin Hobb

I DNFed the previous book in this series and just read a summary online before skipping ahead to this one. I think that was a very good choice for me. This third one was more engaging and a bit more action packed, with some cool discoveries about the city of Kelsingra and the nature of Elderlings. But the Rain Wild Chronicles as a whole do not stand up to the quality of the Farseer books. There are so many POV characters that a few of them get only two or three scenes in this whole book. I don't feel that I deeply know any of these characters; while at the same time watching Hobb pair them off at an extraordinary rate- in the last book five sets of characters got together and in this book an additional two couples are developing feelings for each other. Between this and a kidnapping, a birth, a murder, and a lot of blackmail, this series feels like a soap opera.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 10 by Ryoko Kui

Almost two TPKs in this volume, yikes!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 11 by Ryoko Kui

You know shit's getting serious when the character who has been the series main villain up until now is partially devoured by a different, worse villain. Exciting changes coming to this dungeon under it's new lord and master!

Squad by Maggie Tokuda-Hall and Lisa Sterle

When Becca gets invited to sit with the popular girl clique at her new high school, she's thrilled. But the friendship turns bloody and complicated when she learns that her new friends are actually werewolves who need to kill and feed on a human once a month. If she joins them, Becca will gain superhuman strength and a pack; she'll never have to fear a male predator again, because she will be a predator herself. I loved the queer rep and the twist on werewolf lore; I wish it had been a little longer and more developed. Give me multi-page transformations sequences!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 12 by Ryoko Kui

I love seeing all these plot lines come together! Building towards a wild climax.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 13 by Ryoko Kui

I went out and *bought* vol 13 of this series because my library didn't have it yet, that's how hooked I am. And now I have to wait until JULY for the final volume! (But also, thank goodness I didn't get into this series any sooner or I'd have a much longer wait).

[macgyvermedical]

What is phage therapy? I heard the word somewhere and now it’s stuck in my head but I don’t know what it is. Thanks 🙌

Phage therapy is the therapeutic use of viruses to kill bacteria.

Viruses are semi-living things that use other cells to reproduce. They do this by injecting DNA or RNA into the cell, letting the cell make copies of the genetic material, manufacture proteins, assemble new viruses, and then those new viruses burst out of the cell. In the process of reproducing, the cell is killed.

We typically think of viruses that replicate in human tissue, like influenza or SARS-CoV-2. But as it turns out, where there is a cell, including a plant cell or a bacterial cell, there is a virus that wants to kill it to make baby viruses.

Theoretically, then, if someone has a bacterial infection, we can find the extremely specific virus that kills only the bacteria that are causing the infection, infect the person with that virus, let that virus replicate and kill a bunch of the bacterial cells without harming the human cells, and voila, no more infection. Once the virus runs out of bacterial cells it can't replicate any more and it dies off.

And when I say "theoretically" I mean we have absolutely, definitely done this. Like a lot. And while phage therapy is extremely difficult to do good clinical trials with, as far as we can tell it's been pretty effective, and has few side effects that we know about.

So why don't we use phage therapy all the time?

Well, probably because of how specific the phages are. The phage that kills one kind of staph probably won't work on another kind of staph. So you need giant libraries of phages in order for them to really be useful to a large number of people.

Also, there's politics:

See, depending on what you consider the start of the antibiotic age, phage therapy and antibiotic therapy kind of came into being around the same time. By the start of WWII we had a couple of each worldwide.

Then the war happened and the Iron Curtain came into being. On the Western side resources were funneled into the mass production of a new antibiotic called penicillin, and on the Eastern side, resources were funneled into further developing phage therapy.

Throughout the Cold War this pattern would continue, with the Soviet Union eventually using both antibiotics and phages, and the West using only antibiotics (honestly, it's probably capitalism's fault- making money from phages is extremely difficult because they can't be mass produced like antibiotics can). When the Soviet Union fell apart, the research on phage therapy largely disappeared with it.

The West, now saddled with the burden of antibiotic resistance after decades of overprescription and use in agriculture, is trying to rebuild some of the knowledge that was lost with the fall of the Soviet Union.

Unfortunately, there have only been a handful of people who have been treated with phage therapy in the West. This is because the way phages work makes them extremely difficult to do high quality studies on, which makes them impossible to get FDA approval for in the US. Another factor standing in the way of approval is that they tend to change over time as the bacteria they replicate in evolve. So there are potential approval problems if we approve one type of phage but not the type it becomes in a few years.

So if something needs to change itself to work, how do you monitor to make sure that the changes aren't something dangerous? Do you have to repeatedly apply for approval? It just has all kinds of legal and policy issues.

If you want more info, there is a book called The Perfect Predator by Steffanie Strathdee. The author ended up saving her husband's life using phage therapy after he ended up with a life-threatening multidrug resistant infection.

If you want something shorter than a book, I highly recommend this video by Patrick Kelly.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hello! If you don't mind, this is half a vent and half an ask both to you and to your followers who have had some experience?

I feel like I want certain aspects of a romantic relationship, the idea of having someone "special" is very appealing. Especially since I find myself falling in the trap of romance tropes, and I really do feel that I want to find that one person who I'd feel safe being physically close with, and not just because I turn my brain off to suffer through it but to actually enjoy it.

I know that I'm rather attracted to men, in theory at least, but whenever there's even remotely a thought in my brain that a polite conversation may turn into something more I get nervous, kinda in a bad way. I feel like I want to put a barrier in and I'm afraid they'll be reading into my behaviour too much. It makes me feel as if I like to play pretend in my head but I'm too much of a coward when real life gets involved.

I've been identifying as ace for years now, and I just turned 24. No experience in the dating department, I've been slowly making my way to accepting being at least arospec as well, possibly just aro, but for some reason it's been so much harder for me. Asexuality just clicked. This I think I may be fighting because the idea of a relationship seems too nice to give up and I've already had a bad experience with an extremely undernegotiated QPR (ended quickly but left a bitter taste nevertheless).

I just wish I could not think about it? But I also feel like the societal expectations of romantic attraction are much more pressing than sexual one. I don't want to lead anyone on, and I don't want to feel this little bit of dread whenever I have a conversation with a guy who I know doesn't have a girlfriend. That's another sign of being aro, right? Being able to be comfortable only when the possibility of the other party wanting you romantically is non-existent.

Sorry for this being so long. Thank you for listening, either way.

Romance definitely has a hard to explain quality to it, and I think that can make it questioning if you're aro especially tricky. It is possible that anxiety you're feeling when a situation could turn romantic is a form of repulsion. It's not uncommon for romance repulsion to feel more like anxiety or nervousness, and for people feel like wanting to go and hide. Alloromantic people can be nervous too sometimes, but it usually comes with a feeling of anticipation and still being drawn to the other person. Or they will usually have either trouble with anxiety in other areas, or issues with romance (romance related trauma for example). Sometimes it can be tricky to know exactly what it is, but if the stuff below doesn't sound like you at all, than repulsion is a likely explanation.

The other thing I would point is that fully alloromantic people often have people in real life they are experience a romantic pull towards, who they really want to be in a romantic relationship with. And if you're not experiencing that, that could also be a strong sign of being aromantic.

Being aromantic, and even romance repulsed, if you are, does not mean you can't have a very important person in your life. I know you mentioned a QPR that didn't go well, and it's up to you if that's something you ever want to try again, but even if you don't. remember that deep bonds can come in all forms of relationships. All types of relationships, including friendships, familial relationships, etc. have the potential to be very special of very deep if you end up connecting to someone in the right way. So whatever path you choose to take, don't feel like this isn't possible.

I'll throw this out followers too if anyone wants to share their own thoughts or advice.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[maniculum]

Bestiaryposting Results: Tatchgob

This is a weird one, I think, because there are a couple aspects of this entry that fully make sense in the context of what this animal actually is, and others that just make you think, "wait, the medievals thought what about [redacted]?" Not a lot else to add here, and I'm already running unusually late with this tonight, so here's the entry in question:

And below the cut is the art people have produced, in rough chronological order:

@silverhart-makes-art (link to post here) has decided this is an insect, for entirely sensible reasons. The entry says that it flies, but not that it's a bird. It also says that the female reproduces without copulation with the male, and Silverhart helpfully observes that parthenogenesis is a much more common phenomenon in insects than in birds. Specifically, it's a bee, because the Tatchgob is said to be large and slow-flying, and as we all know, a bee's wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.* This one is specifically inspired by vulture bees -- bees that do in fact eat carrion as the Tatchgob is implied to do (the entry doesn't actually say it eats the corpses, only that perceives them).** Silverhart further notes that they ended up spending a few hours going down a rabbit hole about vulture bees, a warning from which I failed to learn, as I spent the last half-hour reading arguments about whether "meat honey" is a real thing. Anyway, enough commentary from me, look at the very good drawing of a bee and then read what Silverhart says about it in the linked post.

*Bee Movie reference mine; please don't blame Silverhart for my internet-poisoned sense of humor.

** The Aberdeen Bestiary does actually specify this, but it was buried in the long religious-allegory section after the main description so I missed it when setting this up and didn't include it in the post. Now I wish I had, because it hilariously notes that the [Tatchgob] "is often overtaken by death when it descends to the dead animal from a great height." The drawings we could have had of animals crashing full-force into the ground... actually I'm torn on whether that would be a plus or a minus.

@strangelyflesh (link to post here) has made the reasonable call that a large flying animal may as well be a dragon-thing, so here's a bird-like dragon for you. Delightful facial expression on this one. Honestly everything about that head is very charming, actually. The linked post mentions that they "reproduce like those fucked up little geckos" and I am struggling against the temptation to fall down another rabbit hole, so I'm just going to move on.

@cheapsweets (link to post here) drew a bird, but decided to focus in on the fact that it's too large to fly quickly. It's broadly based on a bustard, which is apparently the world's heaviest flying bird (learn something new every day) but is shaped and posed specifically to evoke the silhouette of an aircraft, specifically the infamous Spruce Goose. (Cover the head with your hand, you'll see it.) Extremely clever, in my opinion. For more details on the design decisions, see the linked post. One more thing before we move on, though... check out that thing on the far right of the image, down in the sea. I think that's one of these critters:

Okay, now we're moving to the next one.

@coolest-capybara (link to post here) continues to outdo herself with the stylized medieval drawings. This one is definitely a creative choice -- Capybara notes that they would have been inclined to draw a dragon for this one, except we already had the dragon entry a while back. So she decided this was a komodo dragon that can glide on skin flaps like a flying squirrel. Excellent, love it, very interesting coloration also.

Capybara also raises the interesting question of whether the bestiary writer ever considered what male Tatchgobs might be for, if they aren't involved in the reproductive process. I suppose evolution is a fickle mistress, especially when the person describing your animals doesn't know what evolution even is. They don't seem to have an allegorical purpose either (there's like half a page railing against hypothetical people who fully accept that a [Tatchgob] can give virgin birth but deny that Mary could, which I guess is the point of that detail, but the male Tatchgob goes unmentioned). Anyway, the monk would probably just say they exist because God wanted them to or something... actually I'm not sure how aware they were of the possibility of species that didn't come in two sexes. Anyway, moving on.

@pomrania (link to post here) also thought large flying thing -> dragon, but decided to make theirs more fishlike. See, fish engage in external fertilization, and what are the odds of a pre-modern observer just missing the fact that the male is involved? Assuming they're not on board the "spontaneous generation" wagon. I really like this design, also; gliding on these fin-like structures is especially cool. And yes, according to the linked post, the fact that it shares a color palette with the ace flag is fully intentional. Ace icon Tatchgob.

@strixcattus (link to post here) has drawn a good bird -- serrated beak a solid choice -- but as with many of their posts, the real gold is in the text. See, Strixcattus gave us another carrion-eating bird some months ago, and they've decided this one is a related species. That's right, meet Wutugald tatchgob, the Brown or Lesser Wutugald. Which also explains why this one has that yellow thing above its beak there. Love the connection being drawn to previous entries. (Strixcattus's original Wutugald post can be found here.) As usual, you are strongly, strongly encouraged to go read the descriptions Strixcattus includes with their animals. You should then go check their brief follow-up to the Tatchgob here.

Now, to the Aberdeen Bestiary.

That's right, it's the eagle again! I wasn't expecting a repeat, but you have to admit it's clearly the same bird. The illustration for "eagle", in case you don't remember, looks like this:

Virtually identical except for the coloration of the wing feathers.

Okay, yeah, there are no duplicate entries, I just had to point out the fact that they look exactly the same. This one is the vulture, which apparently also doesn't reach far enough north for our illustrator to be familiar with it.

(A quick check through Wikipedia indicates to me that the various vulture species whose ranges include Europe tend to stick to the southern parts. None of them seem to reach the British Isles, which is where this manuscript originates.)

Anyway, something I find interesting about this is that vultures are another animal that modern people often think of as sinister, creepy, or just gross, but the bestiary is actually really positive about them. There's even one part where they get to be a Christ symbol, which honestly I have to share. It starts with that "dying by descending from a great height" bit I quoted earlier:

The fact is, if a vulture, in flight, sees a corpse, it sets itself down to feed on it, and is often overtaken by death when it descends to the dead animal from a great height. It is right, therefore, that Christ, who was God's mediator and our redeemer, should be signified by the name 'vulture'. While remaining in the heights of his divinity, like the vulture flying on high, he saw the corpse of our mortality below and descended from heaven to the earth beneath; he deigned, indeed, to become man for our sake; and when he sought man, the living thing that had no life, he who in himself had eternal life, met his death at our hands.

That's right, the whole Jesus thing was the allegorical equivalent of diving towards a corpse and accidentally smashing into the ground. Really puts the New Testament in a different light.

There's also a part where vultures foretell death. But not foretell for our benefit, mind: the example given is that vultures have learned to recognize what an army is and follow it because they know there will be food. So they're foretelling for their own purposes, and if we happen to notice and draw any conclusions, that's just a side effect.

One more quote from the Aberdeen Bestiary, and then we're done.

For who looks at the eyes of the vulture, that is, at what lies behind men's thoughts?

... that's a reference people get, right? anyway, it's late, good night.