#I couldn't even work as a cashier (I tried. it was bad.) or anything

[running-in-the-dark]

I have like... two days (max) to come up with a new research question for my bachelor thesis. I HAVE TO officially register/sign up or whatever next week. that's the only way I'll be able to finish it + the oral examination part before my course stops existing at the end of February (my advisor basically assured me that the examination office wouldn't let me register after the end of October).

fuck, I was so motivated last month! I felt ready, I felt good about it, I was sure I'd be able to do it! and then that stupid fucking meeting with my advisor happened and now I feel more defeated and hopeless than ever before. I feel stupid. I feel like I can't possibly do this.

there's just nothing in my brain. it's empty. all knowledge from my entire time at uni (and school) has vanished. the last, oh I don't know, eight fucking years have just been too much. I really don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm able to. I don't know how to start over again.

[teddybeartoji]

toji is a cat dad. the cat looks so fucking tiny next to him that it's a little comical actually. they spend every morning together – the cat twirls around and between his legs as he's grabbing the food, quietly meowing and purring. toji smiles softly to himself at the little thing's neediness. so cute.

the cat also just loves to follow toji around the apartment. always. he goes to the bathroom? the cat goes to the bathroom. he's cooking in the kitchen? the cat is in the kitchen. he's asleep in the bed? the cat is in the bed. (big man toji stomping around the house with the smallest cat in the world running after him.......... guys i'm melting i'm dying)

ok but he was a little weirded out by the cat's need to be in the bathroom with him lmao. like he's taking a piss and he looks over his shoulder only to find the little kitten just staring up at him with big eyes😭😭😭 toji grumbles under his breath and tries to ignore him but then he ends up looking over his shoulder again, hoping that he left but no. he's still there. sitting like :3 😭😭😭😭

"yer fuckin' weird..." is what toji tells him as he places the cat on the bathroom counter and he just gets a cute meow back as a reply. the cat watches him brush his teeth and toji has to fight the thing because he's now in the sink????? toji needs to spit out the toothpaste but the critter is getting comfortable in the bowl and he actually feels bad abt pushing him away... wahh he's so soft actually guys i can't do this anymore.

if the cat happens to be a big meower, toji's definitely talking back to him. he literally goes "what're ya yappin' about, lil man? 🤨🤨" while looking at the tiny creature. but he loves it, he thinks it's so funny. he picks the little guy up and just stares at him up close O.O (plss the cat is literally like the size of his palm i'm dying it's so cute).

he also likes to carry the cat on his shoulder. i think every cat would actually love toji so much, this is also canon here you cannot argue with me. and i think they'd all find him very comforting? and i think they'd love to sleep on him. so whenever he's cooking and the cat paws at his legs, he just picks him up and places him on his shoulder.

he once did that when shiu was over and he was just ????????? like man what are you doing put the damn cat down ????????? and toji just went. "no. he wants to see." with a blank face. to him it's very obvious. c'mon, the cat is so little, he has no idea what's happening up here, ofc he wants to see??????? smh shiu do better😒😒😒

oh and this was definitely just a stray cat he took in btw. after a long day at work, he was just walking home with a cig between his lips when he heard the teeeniest tiniest little meow coming from behind the dumpster in an alley. and well... the curiosity got the best of him and he went to check it out aaand lo and behold!!!!!!! itty bitty kitty!!!!

big eyes peering up at him behind a thrash bag, he just knew he couldn't leave the poor thing there. he reached out his hand, letting the kitty smell him and he almost dropped his cig when he actually leaned into his touch immediately!!!! that's his baby now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

he held the cat to his chest as he made his way home and he even stopped by a little corner store to buy him something to eat. the cashier did look at him with a raised brow bc what the fuck this massive man is holding the smallest cat in the world, but toji didn't mind. he didn't care. the cat slept on his back that very same night.

ALSO. thank u @kentophilia for putting this idea in my head ily<33 during the late hours of the day, toji lays in bed while reading his book with his glasses on – the cat stands on his chest with a determined face. he's already purring even though toji hasn't even done anything. he's just soo comforting and the cat just loves him soooo much okay:((((( toji lowers his book to look at the thing before scratching the top of his head and smiling to himself when the cat closes his eyes and purrs even louder.

the cat ends up trying to make biscuits on him and that makes toji yelp lmao. the tiny little claws dig into his warm skin as the he kneads toji like he's a piece of dough. purring and content – toji doesn't have it in him to make him stop either. it's not like it actually hurts, he was just caught off-guard. he didn't get scared by a cat btw, he didn't. in the end, he keeps reading his book with his one hand while petting the creature with the other. this is their routine. they're family!!!!!!!

anyway. he loves his little kitty cat with all his heart and he would literally kill for him:33333

[yanderelovlies]

Joesph paced back and forth in his room, running his hands through his brown and grey hair. When was the last time he slept or ate for that matter? He couldn't recall the days have been a blur since he found that stupid VHS tape.

Thrifting had become something Joesph found comfort in. When he felt he had enough, he went to the checkout already thinking about where to put everything. However, at the bottom of the basket was a single VHS tape. Which was odd cause he doesn't remember picking one up.

Picking it up, he flipped it over to be with "84 INCIDENT," crudely scribbled in red pen on the front. Joesph could feel a cold shiver run through his entire body. That year...he HATED that year.

"Are you gonna buy that, sir?"

startled Joesph's eyes met the bored cashier's "oh....um..." His arm moved automatically, putting the VHS tape on the counter.

Taking that as yes, the cashier sighs, scanning the item and putting it in the bag, followed by the receipt. "Have a good day"

With a quick nod, Joesph snatched the bag and quickly made his way to his car, then home not looking at the inside of the bag once. Not even when he got home, opting to leave it on the couch as he tried to distract himself.

However, no matter how much he tried, he couldn't sleep. He would toss and turn with thoughts of that VHS tape swarming his thoughts.

So finally, after hours of trying to sleep, he finally got up and made his way to the living room. He stood in front of the couch, staring at the bag, holding the thing, causing so much anxiety for him.

With slow and shaky movements, he finally opened the bag. However, as soon as his hand touched the cold plastic of the VHS tape, he yanked it out of the bag as if it would catch fire at any moment.

'How bad could it be? It's just a video tape....' Joesph sighed as his head went back 'famous last words.'

With hesitant steps, he made his way to his TV before crouching down and putting the VHS into his old player. 'Maybe if I'm lucky, it's broke....or won't work'.

After it was in, he went back to his couch, grabbing the remote from the coffee table. With shaky hands, he pressed play, his eyes glued to his screen.

At first, it was static, but the longer he looked, the better he could make something out. A field? a Bakery? and.... as he sees the picture the more his heart begins to race. He knew that set from anywhere.

Not long after, he faintly makes out a voice. One that he hadn't heard in years l since their passing. "Oh, starlight.....it's been so long. I've missed you." Then everything went dark.

.

When Joesph woke the next morning, he was still on the couch with the smell of something sweet filling the air. He didn't remember trying to bake anything or order anything for that matter.

With sleep still in his system, he groggly got off the couch and stretched a bit before hearing a satisfying pop. 'What was I doing last night? and why was I on the couch?'

He yawned as he trudged his way to the kitchen, half determined to find out where the smell was coming from. When he round the corner, he wakes up quickly.

There bent down to take out some freshly made muffins was the one person he knew he would never see again.

You.

The love of his life who died in his arms on set after stepping in front of him at the wrong time.

The reason why he HATED that year. and why he quit acting. Why he stays up late a night plaqued by nightmares of that day. Why he hated himself and Jean every day.

You stood up, turning to him with the same bright smile you had all those years ago. "Good morning, love! I made you some breakfast."

This....

This had to be some sick joke or nightmare.

It had to be.

[mcalhenwrites]

A lot of thoughts. Because I went job hunting instead of writing, and I'm beginning to think I'm a bigger failure than I ever realized.

I... have no degrees. No experience. Just a high school diploma. No trade school. No classes. I've worked retail previously (cashier as well as sales associate working with planograms to fill store shelves), but not even two collective years total. I volunteered a few times in high school at a daycare through a high school program, and I volunteered for two semesters at a dog rescue. I'm currently multitasking at a dog grooming salon. I answer phones, book appointments, log inventory, sell inventory, clean. And I'll be adding some baking assistant duties to that soon, tho I did help a little bit today in-between the other duties. (We make dog-safe treats in-house at one of our locations. I work at two different locations.) My other experience is related to writing, crocheting, etc. I spent most of my life focusing on writing. I am not actually good with using software like Microsoft Word or Scrivener. I just use them to write. I have to google how to do certain things with them all the time, often repeatedly, because... I just can't seem to retain the knowledge. I can figure a few things out on my own, but I suck at it. At work, I'm really bad at sometimes processing what people try to say, particularly on the phone. I'm a little... slow. I can do it, but if I were at a place that didn't have an understanding boss, I'd be pretty fucked and likely fired. (I'm nice, but oh god, people please stop giving your phone numbers and spelling of your names SO FAST. GO SLOW. I'm STUPID.) I'm easily overwhelmed even with my relatively slow-paced job, which has enough free time for me to draw and read and do a lot of things completely unrelated to my job. I'm learning as I go, and I don't think I'm TERRIBLE, but I certainly do wish I could be better at it. I don't want to work around customers outside of this particular job. I can't go back to full retail. Fuck that so much. Unless it's a cool indie bookstore or something? FYI, I like my job, I just can't survive on it, and it just doesn't pay enough for me. I also can only work about 3 days a week, I've tried 4 and it's killing me, so it's probably a good thing that my temporary 4 days was temporary. Especially when I'm going to be doing assistant baking closer to the holidays. I'm just... terrible at this life thing. How did I get so close to 40 and just fail this fucking hard? I know my parents weren't supportive of college or trade school or anything, really, and that everything I ever mentioned was thrown out. I know I have physical (and probably mental) disabilities. Everything I know - all that writing that people praise? It's self-taught. I took 5 years to complete high school, and I only managed to do it in that time because I had to go to summer school. I did well if I had a lot of help from teachers, but I couldn't do it without that. (I ended up going to an alternative high school where teachers could provide that one-on-one learning.) I think I write fantastic books. My mind is such a creative place, and I have such complex characters. I have a good grasp of writing topics like abuse. But what kind of specialty is that? I can't survive. I want to give up. I haven't yet, and I've done everything to try harder in the circumstances I'm facing, and... it's doing nothing. It's going nowhere. I'm so fucking unlovable and stupid.

[keefwho]

May 13 - 2024 Monday

10:36pm

6.5/10

I had a very busy day today. I woke up and immediately took my shower. Then got dressed and had mom drive me to the grocery store for the month's groceries. I ended up getting a LOT, more than usual. I went all out, maybe because I was starving. I don't regret it though, I just bought maybe 1.5-2 months worth of some foods. I nearly needed 3 carts to get it all, but that was due to paper towels and other such taking up volume. At the checkout I let this guy go ahead of me that was in a hurry. The cashiers knew him. He was very thankful, he said it twice. I had to insist that he go ahead of me because he declined the first time. I don't think I came off as weird or awkward like I usually do, I kept telling myself it's all just like VRchat. No one really cares that much, if anything the richness of life comes from all these unpredictable social experiences. I also made a little conversation with the old cashier lady. When it came time to check out, I had a little emergency because it turned out I didn't have my debit card on me even though I tried to make sure I had it before I left. I mistook the feeling of my ID for my card. I realized my dad never gave it back to me after he used it to take out my rent. I ran outside to mom where we tried to scrounge up $450 in cash but we were a hundred short. She let me use my dad's credit card which thankfully went through. On the way home I got a slim jim and played my vaporwave music over the car speakers. At home I put away all my groceries and joined BR and them in a VC while I ate "breakfast" which was a teriyaki ramen bowl.

In stream I warmed up with more torso stuff since I've been struggling with the subject lately. I realized maybe I was being too structured and mathematical about it all so I became looser with how I was capturing the forms. For work I finished the commission I was working on which came out great and I sketched SK's thing and got her payment. Also got GZ's Venus comic ready. I ended 30 minutes early since I had done all my work and needed time to think on an idea for a Venus fallout piece as requested by a Patron.

During lunch BR DMed me and invited me to join in her art server VC where FY was too. This is the first time I can remember her inviting me to anything directly in a long while so I couldn't say no. It was a fun call, she was drawing vore and everyone was just vibin. I got boolied a lot as usual but not in a bad way. For lunch I wasn't too hungry since I ate breakfast late so I just had 1/3 the jar of pizza flavored pringles. I played Roblox horses until it was work time, then I screen shared the request I had to do and the pic I'm working on for DS of her horse. Then I worked about 45 minutes on the world for PZ. The VC had disbanded halfway through that so I put a Minecraft stream on the side to listen to. DS called me near the end so we hung out while I finished and she worked on her fursuit hooves. We watched some furry con content while I played KSP and then a few episodes of Moral Orel. THEN a good episode of She Ra. As is common sometimes, neither of us seemed to have a good idea of what to watch or engage in. Usually I'm down to watch anything and watching is the only option since she's working on stuff. But I get that it can be fun to submit to someone else's suggestions so I want to have some ready. She headed upstairs while I made a chicken strip and fries for dinner. We did puzzlies and I started playing the PC Monster High game for her, we came up with a skeleton girl named Patella and I actually like her a lot.

[pbandjesse]

My allergies are going crazy today. I am not feeling amazing. I am trying to remain positive but I honestly just don't feel very good today. I'm exhausted. I was able to get some stuff done but not everything I wanted. I tried. I really did. But it just was a sleepy day and I am so tired still.

I didn't think I slept to bad last night. I wasn't particularly comfortable but I was alright. I briefly woke up when James kissed my cheek to say goodbye but was not awake enough to say anything.

I would wake up right before 8. I did not want to be awake but I couldn't fall back asleep. I was having a lot of aches today. I was not feeling very happy. I tried very hard to shake it off. Sometimes it helps to make a mental schedule.

Get up. Make the bed. Take a shower. Wash hair. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Vacuum. I just kept repeating that to myself.

I used my new shampoo which smelled very nice. And I think worked well. I had to stop using my last new shampoo because the smell started to really make me feel unwell. I hate how quickly that happens to me. I don't even think it's a pregnancy thing because it's happened so much before that with deodorant and soap. I'm just weird about smells.

I got dressed and felt alright. The breakfast James left for me was nice. I got really mad at Sweetp jumping on my desk while I was eating. He knows he's not supposed to be on my desk. That has always been true. There aren't many places he isnt allowed but that has always been one that is always off limits. I did get him to eventually leave me alone. I was just already in not a very good mood. So it was just not an amazing morning.

I brought Ruby the Roomba upstairs to clean. And put some stuff away downstairs. Ran the dishwasher. I laid around for a bit. I really considered trying to go back to sleep but I really wanted to accomplish something today. I had wanted to go and look into getting a larger box for Crabcake. I also needed to get him another heating bulb. So that was my plan. I would drive out to Lowe's in Glen Burnie because the Petco is across the street.

And I thought I did a pretty okay job holding it together. I pretty quickly realized I did not want to be out in the world and I regretted not staying home. But I was out and wanted to try my best to accomplish something.

Lowe's was a bust though. There was so many workers doing inventory and I felt uncomfortable in the aisle. I did find a larger box but it was $65 and it wasn't even perfect for what I wanted. I will keep looking.

I spent some time looking at the plants too. A lot of them were half off because they were full sun plants but I refrained from getting anything. And just headed out of there.

I had better luck at the pet store. I thought I had $10 in coupons but I actually had $20 on my account! Awesome. So I would get another fancy ceramic bulbs rather then getting the cheaper option. And I got him some dried flower food. I also looked at all of the animals. Including the current Russian tortoises they have which were very small! I was surprised that Crabcake already seems big compatibility.

I showed the cashier pictures of my Crabcake and his enclosure and got to talk about how much of a sweetie he is. She told me about her snake and how he was cold recently and actually climbed back into his shed skin! Like putting on a coat! Silly.

I decided that since I was already out I would go to the value village and get Taco Bell. And I'm really glad I stopped at the thrift store because I would end up getting some excellent stuff.

Firstly I found a stair basket! Something I have been looking for Soni was really pleased. And it was only $5. I tried on some shoes but didn't buy any. Not even the very good baseball shoes. I did find a very good fleece with its original tags. Very soft and very sturdy. A little more expensive at $15 but I think that's because of the tags. I figured between the very good deal of the basket and the not as good deal for the fleece it evens out.

The best though was I checked the yarn section and would get 7 balls of yarn!! 5 of them being the fancy blanket yarn I love. The other two are a slightly smaller/thinner fluffy yarn but it is also really good. And at like a 1/3 of the normal price.

I was really excited for my purchases. None of the self check outs were open and I struggled to figure out where the cashier was but I eventually figured it out. Embarrassing though!

I drove across the street and got two tacos. I had a nice chat with the cashier there, who is also named Jesse. He told me he was named for the song Jesse's girl! Neat!

I had my tacos in the car. And started driving home. And started feeling very bad. I was just on the verge of tears like. I need to go home. I need to lay down. I was so upset. I was about 20 minutes from home and I was struggling. But I got home and didn't cry.

When I got back here I brought everything inside. Got thing put away. Set up the other heating element for Crabcake who noticed really quickly and seemed very happy. I tried on my new fleece and it's great. And eventually I would lay down.

Sweetp insisted on laying on my arm. I kept pushing him off but he kept doing it. Monster. I would sleep hard though. And had really bizarre dreams about crab princesses and scifi. It was intense. Sociopolitical. Intrigue. But I would wake up around 4. And my allergies went crazy because sweetp was basically sleeping in my face.

And that was most of my evening. Allergies going crazy. James would come home and tried to cheer me up. I took meds but it didn't help as much as I hoped.

James made salad and pizza for dinner. And I watched videos and they played a video game. And we just laid together.

After dinner I came upstairs to lay in bed. James got on a call to play DND with friends. And I have just been trying to be okay. I am just not feeling very well. I am trying hard to be okay but it's just not happening tonight I guess.

I hope to sleep in tomorrow. I have an event tomorrow evening and I am hoping it will be fun. And that I will feel great. Fingers crossed. Literally my only saving grace has been it's been cool out. I am very thankful for that.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Take care of yourselves. Good night!

[the-void-and-the-mirror]

A Sense of Purpose

My entire life, I've fought to find what my calling is. Who I'm supposed to be, what I can capitalise on to make money with. I had hobbies, interests, and many little bits of inspiration that could have been "the reason I was put here". I use quotations for the last part as I don't know if I truly believe in a divine purpose anymore. But instead have fluctuated my thinking to "what would I be happy doing?"

Because my parents had always shat on what I said I wanted to do that didn't align with what they thought of me. I was interested in soldering and electricity for a bit, they were thrilled. But when I said I wanted to study bugs, I was told that it was a stupid hobby and to find something else. My interests never seemed to last long, and I felt intrinsically broken because I couldn't find something I loved to do enough to stick with it. Of course, my parents berated me along the entire way. Even when I was an adult and said I wanted to be an archaeologist, maybe, I was told I couldn't commit because I always dropped the hobbies they were interested in me keeping. And because my parents weren't supportive unless it looked good to them, finding anything that could maintain my interest or made me genuinely happy felt like grasping at straws. I couldn't find the things I liked because I had no idea what I liked. And the things I did find to "like" I wanted to maintain as purely hobby, because trying to push things into the "I want to make money on it" box often made my love for them die quickly.

I was good at editing and writing, but having to commit to them made me frustrated altogether. And honestly, I like writing for fun, not money. But it did inspire a bit in acting, so I took up voiceacting. And that's also a fun hobby, but I don't expect to be good enough to make money on it anytime soon, if at all. I know where I stand on it. But the thing is that I started following those little sparks of interest, to see where they lead. Because I was so desperate to find what I would want to do with my life so I wouldn't be damned to a world of jobs I hate. I wanted to make a difference, but cashiering isn't a difference that works for me. I'd get bored and miserable so quickly. So I had to find what I could do with the rest of my life.

I started by giving myself permission to find new things and to fail at them. But learning new things I wasn't "naturally gifted at" was difficult. I'm still trying to learn the bass. I want to. But sitting down and doing the actual learning is something I have to let myself sit down for, and it's hard to roll over to. I took questionnaires of passion and personality, and every one of them said I like to work with people. Which was always obvious to me. But depending on the settings, it could be equally as terrifying and unsatisfying. And everything I tried, I couldn't find the right kind of "purpose" in. I worried that maybe I was being intentionally difficult with myself, or maybe the thing that would make me endlessly happy to do doesn't exist. I wasn't denying that I could have bad parts of a job. But perhaps my expectations on a job that didn't make me feel miserable at some point was perhaps that itself could not exist.

I observed so many careers that worked with people, and all of them required schooling that I didn't have patience for. Many with a bachelors, but the ones I really had interest in required a Master's or higher. I live in the US, so taking school means a lifetime of debt. I can't just try classes to see what resonates, either. So if I had to go to school, I absolutely had to make sure I could tolerate the path to get there. And it was a very daunting path. But nothing I looked at was enough. Nothing called me enough to take the plunge. And I was so terrified of the plunge, because what if I decided I didn't like it at all part way through? I'd be in masses of debt with nothing to show.

I don't remember how I stumbled acrost it, but I found I was happiest giving others advice. I was always told by friends and loved ones (that weren't my parents) that I was insightful and gave perspectives they never thought of. And somehow, when that clicked, I did as much digging as I could to find ways to become someone who deals in life advice. I thought maybe to become a beautician, as someone you could talk to as a trusted friend, and I could give those words out more easily, and similar passions that were short-lived for that just-right fit. Eventually I found Life Coach, and it sounded perfect. It wasn't mandatory to go to classes, but I felt spending a few thousand dollars on a certification course would be worth it. Six months of school was easy. I got certified and was proud! But doing events to pull my own clients in is a bit of work I'm not quite ready for. So I started to further my journey.

I have many people who have supported my journey of discovery and my determinations of what I should become to make my dreams come true. At one point, I had decided to become some form of drama therapist (one of the ones that required a Master's) and had started conversations with one who could link me locally to making it happen. But, it wasn't long before I stopped responding. I withdrew. The thought of school too daunting, and when I stood at the edge to start, I simply couldn't. I couldn't find the will to follow through with it. The same happened when I decided to become a school counselor (a more gentle Bachelor's degree). When it came time to put plan into action, I stagnated. Something always told me this wasn't the "just right fit" I had hoped for.

My worries returned tenfold. Am I damned to do jobs that I hate for the rest of my life? I'm highly neurodivergent. I have ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder (in all manners of the word. From textures, sounds, scents, and not being able to tolerate even fitting clothes), generalised anxiety disorder, have a hard time learning cues and being able to read between the lines of neurotypical expressions, and mistaking words for another meaning. If people weren't direct with me, and I always made that known to my employer, then I was going to fail. And that's not to mention a bajillion allergies I have thanks to chronic illness. I had a hard time keeping jobs throughout my attempts at a career. Except for jobs that made me miserable and took a heavy toll on my mental health. Because I can work, I would never qualify for disability. And that was even more worrying. When I accepted a career coaching job that I thought aligned perfectly, and then started becoming heavily criticized for not being able to do the job they wanted exactly, I became bogged down by that very fear: I can't find a job that makes me happy that would possibly want to keep me. I sobbed to my boyfriend about these fears, that I was inherently useless in an ableist society, because they wouldn't work with me to work with them. I couldn't stand the thought of doing the things that made me miserable to earn money even in my most desperate times anymore.

That's when it finally snapped. I refused to take work that made me miserable anymore. With my boyfriend's support, both financially and emotionally, I accepted unemployment (that I still haven't gotten the payment for, since it now takes a full three months for it to activate) and began searching for jobs that would grant me happiness. I looked at things I longed for that would accept my certifications, to new things that I might be interested to try. In the middle of November, I got a call for one of the new ones: Parks and rec. The phone interview went beautifully, and she was impressed with my answers on working with children. I was offered the job immediately, and I accepted. However, with all the paperwork, I only just started this past week. My main job is an after-school program with grade-schoolers. But my job also hosts events throughout the city.

When I went in to finish that paperwork, I was told about uniforms. I told her I was willing to pay for a tailor-made uniform to my specifications, and revealed my SPD to her and how I was trying to get treatment for it. She told me she didn't want me to pay out of pocket for that kind of thing, and that she would work with me on it. The more I talked to her, the more I realised she was accepting, so I got a little bold and revealed my transgender status. She welcomed it with open arms. And the kids call me "Mr. FirstName" with my preferred name. And it's so euphoric and humouring to listen to little kids say "she - I mean HE!" to me as they try to correct themselves. The few days I've worked, I see they give everyone their best chance. They hire others with gender diversity, trans and not, others with disabilities and encouraging them in their best way. And everyone just being so supportive of each other and doing their best to help these children out, but also help each other succeed. And at this past weekend's event, where I cheered kids on to eat smores and ask how they liked their marshmallows toasted, dancing to get attention (and keep myself from just standing still because standing still is absolute torture to me), and just genuinely interacting with others, I felt it. It finally clicked. I LOVE this job. I found something I could do for the rest of my life; it's fun, always changing, interesting, supports creativity and celebrates individuality. I love my job, and the people I work with. I called my boyfriend after the event in tears of joy. I want to be a beacon to people who are different, encourage them to be themselves, and support ideas and individuality too. I found my purpose. And I get to keep my hobbies on the side too, or implement them just as much as I want.

I know I'm lucky, that I'm a rare story here. But I also want to share with all of you that it's possible. I found happiness, with all of my problems and differences, that lets me be me and accepted for it. These things exist. And it doesn't have to be a job for sure. But if you're like me, dreading the existence of working because of how different you are and that no employer cares to understand you and how you can do your best, even when you give them the guidelines to help you succeed at what they want done, just know that it exists. That there is something you can do that will make you infinitely happy. Or even if you don't know what you want to do with your life, that you're damned to a life of school and debt to just find your passion, it's okay to start small. Find those little things that give you passion into your life, and crosscheck them to see if that's something you want to do to make your living. Or even if they're something you just want to keep on the side. Your passions can belong to different things.

And your passions don't even have to be your job. Something like helping others through a little blog that says, "I'm here and I see you; I understand you. And you're not alone."

[fuck-customers]

I just saw another anon send in an ask that was similar to this, but lord. Why do some parents get so upset when you politely ask them to keep their kids seated or to be mindful of their volume levels? Servers are carrying hot drinks and food, along with sharp utensils and other potentially dangerous things. Not only is your kid in danger but so are the staff and other customers! I heard a horror story once about some kid running around and knocking into a waitress, causing her to drop hot coffee on a baby. It made me want to cry. How hard is it to teach your kids to sit down? And if they can't do that, they're probably too young to be in a restaurant imo.

Random rant, but when I was working in food service I had so many encounters with parents who let their kids wreak havoc and throw food and scream etc. etc. etc. It was exhausting. I don't hate or dislike kids at all, I think bad behavior like that is usually a reflection of the parents, and after growing up with a mom who taught me to be mindful of others and to not run amuck - destroying things, throwing food, screaming - I am kind of baffled seeing kids nowadays with parents who seem to either ignore or even encourage acting that way (not to sound like a boomer or anything, I'm in my 20s 😅) I had a kid run into the kitchen once and I tried to gently tell them that they couldn't come into the kitchen, and their mom came and started giving me shit?? Sorry for trying to keep your kid out of a dangerous space filled with hot stoves and sharp things I guess??

But yeah, sorry this was kinda long, just. Why do some people feel so entitled as to let their kids behave that way? It's in the same vein as letting kids harass animals and just laughing about it, or seeing them throw a tantrum when something they want is sold out and yelling at the cashier instead of teaching their kids how to deal with disappointment. Idk man. I don't ever want kids, but my sister is a great mom and seeing her be both respectful to her kids while also teaching them to respect others has made me feel like some of those shitty parents have no excuse.

And I know it can be harder with neurodivergent kids, but I'm also neurodivergent and when I had meltdowns or when I got overwhelmed in public, my mom took me outside or to the car to help me calm down. She didn't yell at me or hit me (which is a horrible thing to do to any kid) nor did she ignore it and let me scream or throw things in the restaurant. And I really appreciated that.

Uh tl;dr: please parent your children, especially in public. Thanks.

[songmingisthighs]

Hooked

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

ch. lxxi - really proud of you sweetie ❤❤

<< previous | masterlist | next >>

??? × reader, ateez × reader

A freshman hookup rekindled into something new. With an incentive, of course. But what would happen if your 'relationship' led you somewhere you never thought would happen to you ?

The whole time you went out to buy snacks with San and Jongho, you couldn't help but think about how Yeosang was still cold towards you.

"Okay, first of all, you're not gonna let that shithead get to you, you got me?" San firmly said as he threw a bag of chips at Jongho's head, obviously aiming at the basket in his hand but he miscalculated.

"Second, hasn't he opened up to you slightly? Pretty sure he said something to Hwa hyung about being a dick to you yesterday," San shrugged as the three of you walked towards the cashier.

As Jongho put the basket on the counter, he chimed in with his own opinion, "I say let him be all pissy and bitchy towards (Y/N)," he scoffed.

You let out a whine of protest and smacked Jongho on his arm. Though that barely did anything as he only grinned and pulled you into his arms. "I didn't mean that in a bad way, I just meant that if he decided to back off, the rest of us, aka ME, can have more of you," he whispered into your ear as he snaked his arms around your waist.

Though you were slightly affected by Jongho saying that there was a chance that Yeosang wanted to back off of your relationship, you couldn't help but blush and giggle at Jongho's rather possessive words and actions.

The three of you left the convenience store with two bags. Both of course being carried each by San and Jongho as you stood in between them with your pinkies linked to each other.

"You know, you COULD just show what Yeosang's missing, maybe then he'd realize how much of a bitch he was being and that he'd stop," San said, snickering at himself.

You thought over San's words and realized that he was right. Rather than thinking that you're the one at the disadvantage, you can simply flip things around and make Yeosang break.

So you concocted a plan in your head all the way back and as you got ready for movie night.

Whilst everyone was running around everywhere, pulling blankets and pillows from their rooms, you sat idly by and kept a close eye on Yeosang. The way you were looking at him made it seem like you're a predator and Yeosang's your prey.

As everyone took their seat, you slyly directed each of the boys to sit where you want them to sit, leaving the last comfortable position directly below you, by your feet. Since you know Yeosang tends to go to the bathroom last minute, it meant that he was going to have to sit at the available spot if he wanted to comfortably watch the movie.

Just as you expected, he walked back and froze for a second when he realized where he would be sitting.

"Yeosang, come on, we're gonna start now," Hongjoong called out from his position at the edge of the sofa.

Knowing he can't do or say anything, Yeosang gave up and went to take a seat by your feet. You smirked inconspicuously as you leaned against Seonghwa who was at your right. You nuzzled into him as your legs reached over to Wooyoung's lap on your left.

In the first ten minutes of the movie, you let Yeosang relax, not letting any parts of your body touch his. This seemed to be effective because his eyes were focused on the screen and his shoulders seemed very much relaxed.

But when he seemed to disregard your existence, you let your knee and fingers brush against the back of his neck. As your skin made contact with his, he visibly stiffened. Knowing him, his eyes were most likely bulged out and his grip on the blanket he and San shared tightened to the point that his knuckles turned white.

You smirked at yourself at his reaction, knowing that teasing him was going to be fun and that he deserved it.

The subtlety of your touch seemed to awaken something in Yeosang. Maybe it was his triggered frustration or it was just simply the fact that you hadn't touched him in the longest time.

When your eyes peeked down at him, it was evident that his mind was thinking a hundred thousand thoughts a minute. With his chest rising and deflating with each breath dramatically, you know it's time to take it up a notch and to test your hypothesis.

Sexually frustrated Yeosang + subtle teasing = boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing.

"Oops, almost forgot my popcorn," you muttered lowly but loud enough for Yeosang, Seonghwa, and Wooyoung to hear. Once Seonghwa and Wooyoung let their grip on you off, you proceeded to swing your right light over Yeosang and stepped diagonally. With the newfound balance, you leaned your body forward to pretend to reach for the popcorn bowl.

With this position, Yeosang was in direct eyeliner with your clothed core. The shorts you wore were not helping either. It was the pair you wore were the ones Wooyoung bought for you; very tight and short, the black, stretchy material both accentuated and covered only half of your ass.

To make things worse, you pretended to lose your balance and fell directly on Yeosang's lap with a high, squeaky yelp, albeit very fake. The close proximity between you two enabled you to hear the choked gasp that came out of Yeosang. Not only that, but you felt something hard pressing against your ass.

Either Yeosang hid the remote in his pants or your plan worked well.

You turned your face to look at Yeosang with a faux innocent, apologetic face, "Oops, sorry Sangie," you apologized to him, batting your eyelashes at him.

It seemed that Seonghwa and San had caught onto your plan. They were snickering at the scene unveiling before them.

Without saying anything else, you stood up. To make things worse, with your ass directly in front of Yeosang, you 'fixed' your shorts; pulling it up and exposing more of your ass.

"I'll be back," you told the room, to no one specific, before walking towards the kitchen.

You pretended to look around in there, trying to find something when suddenly a set of footsteps followed. Before you could even turn to look at who came, you had been swung and pushed until your back hit the fridge's door.

The sight of Yeosang's flustered face combined with his glare greeted you. You tried your best to not look so smug. On the contrary, you pretended to be confused.

With hands pinned at the sides, you knew you couldn't do much. You tilted your head at him and blinked innocently, "something wrong, Sangie?"

Hearing the faux innocence dripping from your voice only made Yeosang growl, slightly ticked that you dared play him like a fiddle.

"Something wrong? Are you seriously that ignorant or are you just pretending to be dumb? I don't even know which one is worse but I'm fucking sick of you flaunting your ass like a damn peacock trying to mate," he rambled on.

Your expression changed as a smirk broke on your face, "didn't know you're one to give in so easily, Sangie? You think with your dick now?" you poked fun at him.

Yeosang's left eye visibly twitched at your words. One of his hands let go of one of yours to grab at the back of your hair, tugging it back rather harshly, eliciting a moan out of you, "are you comparing me with one of the cheap boy toys that you played with when you weren't here? Didn't know your standards were lowered to that extent," he smirked, trying to push you the same way you did him.

A gasp and a low groan left Yeosang when you cupped his dick with your free hand over his pyjama pants, giving it a bit more pressure to feel how hard he was.

"No matter how much you call them 'cheap boy toys', they have bigger balls than you, Sangie. How long did you plan on being all pissy with me, hmm? Did it hurt your pride that I had to be the one who initiated direct contact with you?" you snarled at him.

You could see his eyes burn in anger with a tinge of shame. You knew you had struck a nerve in him.

All of a sudden, Yeosang pulled you off the fridge, turned you around and pushed you down by the shoulder to the point that your cheek was pressed onto the cold countertop.

Excitement filled you as you realized where this was going. Your formula was spot on, your H1 was accepted and H0 was rejected.

When you realized that Yeosang was not doing anything, you took matters into your own hands. You pressed your scantily clad core directly against his boner.

"Not gonna do anything, Sangie? Do I have to get one of the boys to show you how to use a dick properly? Or should I call one of Haknyeon's friends to show you? There's this one, Hyunjae I think was his name, he-"

You couldn't complete the sentence as Yeosang had slapped your ass so hard, you were sure he had left a purple handprint there.

As you were about to protest, Yeosang had somehow taken a clean rag and wrap it around your mouth as a makeshift gag. He leaned forward so that his chest was pressed onto your back.

"Be a good girl and keep your big mouth shut, yeah?" he ordered. His hand skimmed your waist down to your legs and it slowly caressed the back of your thighs, leaving goosebumps at their wake.

When he realized you didn't give him any response, his hands smacked the sides of your legs harshly, making you jolt up in surprise.

"Too dumb to answer?" he growled. Hearing the anger in his voice made you whimper out in fear and submission.

Yeosang smiled and pecked the back of your neck after you replied to him, your submission made him feel soft for a split second.

It wasn't until he pulled your shorts and panties carelessly along with his own pyjama pants and underwear that your brain finally registered that you're about to have angry sex with Yeosang. From how he had been treating you so far, you're at least 70% sure that there will be bruises all over you tomorrow.

Without hesitation, Yeosang shoved his dick deep into you, hips pressing against your ass as his hands found anchor on your waist. His grip was tight, vice even, it almost seemed possessive.

He set a harsh and quick pace from the beginning, not caring that your hips were smacking the counter nor the fact that literally anyone could enter the kitchen area.

Yeosang isn't one to talk much during sex, he tends to focus on the action more than anything else.

The feeling of him continuously entering you at such pace and vigour were intoxicating. Maybe it was all the pent up frustration and anger, but you swore your eyes rolled back even further each time his hips smacked yours harshly. You definitely won't be able to sit on your ass after this.

"Shit, I guess you were telling the truth when you said you weren't playing with your cousin's friends," he groaned out mid-thrust.

Yeosang suddenly pulled out, making you whine in protest.

If it weren't for the extreme sexual tension and both of your compromising predicament, Yeosang would've cooed at how adorable you sounded.

But that wasn't his priority at the moment.

Wordlessly, Yeosang pulled you off the counter to move you to the wooden dining table. He pushed you to lie on the table as he propped a leg up to his waist.

With this new position, you could see the defined lines of his chest peeking from his pyjama when he anchored himself above you. You thanked the workout regime he had been following internally because the sight of his muscles made your pussy throb.

Yeosang immediately went back to thrusting with an animalistic pace into you, pouring every bit of emotion he had into action. You could feel it. The way he was so close to you but still maintaining a certain distance, you knew that he was hesitating. The way he was avoiding your eyes and focus on where you both were connected, yearning for intimacy but scared to initiate it. But you also know that he wanted you beyond anything else and that he was sorry. He wasn't one to be good with words but luckily you know him well enough to understand him.

As he focused on pleasuring you both, you took the chance to prop yourself up slightly and pull the rag gag off your mouth and threw it to the side.

Your hand slapped his face, stunning him for a second. As his movements halted and eyes finally meeting yours, your grabbed his face and pulled him in for a deep kiss.

He froze momentarily, not knowing what to do. But when you pulled out to speak to him, you could see that his stubbornness began to chip away and crumble.

"You don't have to feel bad about what happened, I forgave you and it's about time you forgive yourself for being a jerk to me. And I'm sorry for leaving you to take care of everyone like that, Sangie. But can we please move past all that and go back to normal?"

His once vice grip on you loosened.

At first, you thought he was going to let you go and run away.

But he suddenly pulled you up and flush against him. He hugged you tightly, burying his face on your shoulder.

"I should've been the one to apologize first. I'm sorry, I love you so much," he said lowly against your skin. You knew that it was hard for him to be so vulnerable which was why you know him saying all that meant that he was being beyond sincere.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as his wrapped around your waist.

Soon his thrusts continued.

The initial roughness and anger were replaced with longing and desperation.

Not long after, you felt that you were close to the edge. Your leg that was hoisted up on Yeosang's waist tightened and Yeosang immediately realized what it meant.

His hands slipped under your shirt to play with your chest. His fingers tweaking and pinching your nipples, adding to the pleasure that he gave. The intense arousal shot to your pussy and you clenched hard as you came.

Head thrown back, exposing your neck to him, Yeosang took the opportunity to mark you up as he liked.

The feeling of his fingers on your nipples, his mouth on your skin, and his dick still moving inside you prolonged your orgasm more than you liked. The intensity made you whine as overstimulation took over.

Luckily, Yeosang soon followed suit and released his load inside you. His hips stuttered and his teeth bit down onto your shirt-covered shoulder. You yelped at the sudden pain but the pain turned to pleasure, making your thighs shook and pussy once again clamping around Yeosang.

Yeosang let out a guttural groan that was muffled by your shoulder at the feeling, not denying how good it felt.

You both stayed there, trying to catch your breath. It was then that you registered the aftermath of your intimate activity with Yeosang. Your pants and panties had somehow stuck onto one of the drawer handles of where you were pinned down, the rag that was used as a gag had somehow made its way to the edge of the room, and Yeosang was still fully dressed.

When your eyes met his again, you see fondness and love in them, He was smiling down at you, fingers trailing down to intertwine with yours.

"What would it take me to get your full forgiveness?" he asked, head tilting to the side. His bangs moved to reveal the birthmark that he had told you a while ago he was insecure about. You leaned forward and pecked the adorable mark, making him chuckle.

"Just don't pull yourself or push me away again when things are hard, okay? The last thing I want is to almost lose you again," you told him.

He brought one of your intertwined hands to his lips and gave it a soft kiss, "there is no way on earth that you'd be able to lose me. I was actually thinking the other way around," he admitted shyly.

You bit back a giggle for his sake and opted to kiss him fully on his lips. "You would never lose me, Sangie, I belong with you, all of you," you assured him.

As he pulled himself out of you and began to clean himself up, he was reminded that the others were a room apart.

Yeosang visibly swallowed, suddenly turning nervous.

"D-do you think the others-"

"Seonghwa and San were well aware that we were having sex here, pretty sure the others heard everything as well," you said, cutting him off.

"Yeah we did! You both better clean and disinfect the heck out of the kitchen area," Seonghwa yelled out from the living room.

Hearing that, Yeosang blushed madly and moved to bury his face into your shoulder in embarrassment.

You couldn't help but laugh at him. But you wrapped your arms around him and stroked his back comfortingly.

At least you got the old Yeosang back.

taglist :

@raysanshine @peachy-maia @xuxiable @90s-belladonna @theclawofaraven @sanraes @sungiehan @felix-kithes @nycol-ie @superstarw99 @skkrtnawrskkrt @viv-atiny @the7thcrow @stfu-xeena @laurademaury @multihoe-net @daisyhwa @scoupshushushu @whyisquill @bikiniholic @yunhorights @exfolitae @simplewonderland @verycooldogblog @perfectlysane24 @hannahdinse8 @tannie13 @aka-minhyuk-kun @phebeedee @em0yunho @marsophilia @donghyuckanti27 @se-onghwa @malewife-supremacy @hyunsukream @peachyho@taejichafe @alliecoady98 @rdiamondbts2727 @hakuna-matata-ya @ohmy-fandoms @ateezminonspace @stray-bi-kids @imaaroy @fashi0nablee @rindomo @violetwinters @nabihwa @linhyyboo12 @mirror-juliet @bestboiericsohn @kpop-khh-writer-trash

[helloalycia]

overstepping [one] // jane banner (Wind River)

summary: after getting several voicemails from your colleague and best friend with her asking for your backup, you attempt to call her back, only to get no answer.

warning/s: mentions of rape, murder and injuries.

author’s note: this is a two parter because i finally watched Wind River and it broke my heart but also lizzie was v cute and i felt the need to write this, hope you like it x

part two | masterlist | wattpad

"C'mon, work you stupid phone," I complained for the millionth time, before standing on the chair to get a better signal.

When I saw the bars in the corner of the screen increase, a grin appeared on my lips. I loved my parents, but the fact that they lived in a remote cabin in Tennessee with zero signal was not my favourite thing.

When the bars remained, my phone decided to actually be helpful and receive all the messages, calls and voicemails I missed. I did a brief flick through, noticing nothing was too important that couldn't wait for me to return to work. As an FBI agent, I rarely got time off. And now that I had taken a two month vacation to spend with my parents, I was adamant on enjoying it, even if I was missing work a smidge.

Next were the calls, which I noticed were mostly from my colleague and close friend, Jane Banner. I furrowed my brows, realising she'd left me several voicemails, too, which was strange since she knew I was on a break from work. What could be so important?

I sighed, glancing down at my uncomfortable position standing on the chair and leaning above the wardrobe. It was the only place in the house with decent signal and the only other place that wasn’t in the middle of nowhere was twenty minutes out. Telling myself I'd just listen to one voicemail to make sure everything was okay, I played the earliest message.

"Hey, Y/N. I'm sorry, I know you're on a break, but I just had to talk to you," it began, and Jane sounded troubled. "I was in Vegas, as you know, but I've been called out to a reservation in Wyoming where this poor girl was–" She paused, releasing a shaky breath. "She was raped and left to die out in the cold. I thought I could send in another team to take a look – y'know, usual protocol. But the coroner won't rule it a homicide and you know what that means."

I swallowed hard, knowing exactly what that meant. If it wasn't ruled a homicide, no backup would come and we had to move onto the next case. But if this girl was raped and left to die, the rapist was still out there and wasn't getting caught by the FBI.

"I can't just leave it and go," Jane continued quietly, with that recognisable passion for her job evident in her voice. "I have to do what I can. But I... I can't do this alone. It's not like other cases, Y/N. It's different out here. And there's only so much their police department can do. I know you're on a break, but I was hoping that, maybe, you could come out here and help me? It's the Wind River Indian Reservation. That's it, I guess. Bye."

The message ended and I found myself chewing on my lower lip anxiously, unable to think about anything other than Jane now. She'd worried me with that one voicemail alone – I couldn't imagine what the others said.

She was usually so good at dealing with cases, but this seemed different. She sounded shaken up, attempting to put on a brave face by the sounds of it. What was so different about this case? She didn't need me. She was capable.

Curiosity got the better of me and I played the second message, ignoring the discomfort in my arms as I stretched to maintain the signal. It was left a day after the first one.

"Hey, so I just remembered that you said you don't get much signal up there with your parents," she began apologetically. "I don't mean to– shit, it's so cold..." There was a pause, a noise in the background, then she continued, "Sorry, just turning up the heating. Anyway, I was saying. I don't mean to intrude on your break. I just– I'm hoping you'll find signal and hear this because I could really use your help. I think we've got a lead on who may have done it. It was hectic today. Really could've used that backup."

She chuckled dryly at her attempt at a joke, but all I felt was guilt. She sounded exhausted within a day of being there.

"I hope you get this," she finished with a sigh. "I should go. Got a busy day tomorrow. Hope you're doing okay. Bye."

I wasted no time in playing the next message. Three days into her case.

"I don't know why I keep sending these," she began with a hoarse voice, and my heart clenched at the sound of it. "You clearly aren't getting them in time. But it's easier talking to you like this than not at all."

It went quiet, so quiet that I thought she may have finished and forgot to hang up. But then she spoke up again, a whimper escaping her lips.

"It's so hard," she admitted. "We've covered worse cases, but this one... everything about it makes me uncomfortable. Something doesn't feel right. I've got a lead – we think it might be the boyfriend who did it and we're gonna see him tomorrow. But I don't know."

I frowned, squeezing my phone tightly because I didn't recognise the girl speaking as my friend. This girl sounded broken and I wondered what she could have discovered that made her like this.

"I've got the police department with me for backup," she said with a sniffle. "And Cory, he's a hunter whose been helping me with the case. They're all gonna be with me tomorrow. But I wish you were here, too. You always make things easier."

The lump in my throat wouldn't disappear no matter how many times I swallowed it. She made things easier, too. Always. And all I wanted to was be by her side and be there for her like she always was for me.

"Sorry about this," she said with a watery laugh, and I could imagine the embarrassed smile on her face as she did. "I sound like such an idiot. Never mind these messages. Just enjoy your break. I shouldn't be worrying you like this. See you when you get back."

The message ended and I checked to see if there were anymore, but to my disappointment, there wasn't. That message was from a few days ago and she hadn't sent anything since which was concerning in itself.

Trying not to panic for no reason, I called Jane. Hopefully everything was okay and I was being stupid. She was a fully-trained FBI agent. She could take care of herself. Right?

The call rang and rang, but nobody picked up. One missed call. No biggie. She probably heard it and couldn't find her phone or something. So, I tried again.

More ringing and no answer. Okay, no big deal. Just try again.

Another call and no answer. The chewing on my lip became more intense. Why the hell wasn't she picking up? Was she still working the case?

I waited an hour, trying again at ten minute intervals, unable to fight my concern. But there was no answer every time and I realised that I couldn't sit and wait for her to call back. Not after how she sounded in those voicemails.

No, I had to go there. She needed backup.

—

Wyoming was way colder than I could have prepared for.

I mean, technically, I prepared for nothing. I bid my parents a goodbye, threw some random clothes in a bag and caught the next plane over there. I tried for Jane's phone constantly, knowing she was never one to ignore me for this long, but there was no point. She wasn't answering, which could only mean so much.

When I reached the reservation, I had no idea where anything was or what I was looking for exactly. I just knew that as soon as the taxi dropped me off in the centre of town, I didn't know where to go.

There were a lot of locals hanging around, so my first port of call was to ask them if they'd seen Jane around – or Agent Banner, as she may have introduced herself. I showed them a picture of her on my phone, described her with vivid detail, but they just stared at me like I was crazy. I was starting to believe I was at one point, until I stopped by the convenience store.

As worried as I was for Jane's whereabouts, the chill in my bones was real. Especially my hands, which I was certain would fall off any minute. So, I decided to buy some gloves and also ask the cashier if he'd seen Jane around or heard anything of her. Whilst I was doing that, a customer caught my attention, probably having overheard my conversation.

"Did you say Jane Banner?" he asked with a quirked brow, interrupting my purchase. "The FBI lady, right?"

I nodded quickly, facing him. "Yes, that's her! D'you know where she is?"

He nodded casually. "Yeah, she's in the hospital. That big shootout that happened a few days ago, right?"

My stomach dropped. "The what?"

"The shootout," he repeated, not aware of the concern in my face. "At the drill site. A bunch of officers were killed and the FBI lady was one of the only one left standing." He tutted as he shook his head. "Very lucky that one."

A shootout? The hospital? Only one left standing? No wonder she hadn't been answering her calls.

"Can you– do you–" I stopped, clearing my throat and trying to stop freaking out. "Which hospital?"

After getting the address from him, I caught a taxi to the only hospital in town and prayed to God that Jane was okay. The one thing she'd asked for was backup and I couldn't even give her that. If I'd just looked at my messages sooner... fuck.

Getting past the front desk and to Jane's room was no issue at all. A quick flash of my FBI badge was enough for the receptionist to give me the details and wave me through. My heart was constricting in my chest the longer it took. What if it was really bad? What if that customer's intel was outdated and Jane was– no. I couldn't afford to think like that.

Upon finding Jane's room, I spotted an older man leaving through the door, being careful to close it behind him. I didn't recognise him at all.

"Excuse me," I called, earning his attention. "Is that Jane Banner's room you just came from?"

He seemed surprised, glancing over his shoulder to make sure I was speaking to him, before nodding. "Yes. Sorry, who are you?"

I pulled my badge from my pocket and showed him, though I doubted anyone would take me seriously when my eyes were watering at thought of Jane being severely injured.

"I'm her friend," I said, swallowing down the lump in my throat before lowering my badge.

"Oh, you're the backup that didn't come," he said with realisation.

My eyes flickered to the floor guiltily. He wasn't exactly wrong.

"I didn't mean it like that," he added quickly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

I shook my head, lifting my eyes to meet his. "It's okay. I should've... I should've been here." It went quiet as he didn't know what to say, so I looked to him halfheartedly. "I assume you're from the police department, one of the ones who helped Jane."

"Not exactly," he said, before putting out his hand for me to shake. "Name's Cory. I'm a hunter by trade."

Returning his handshake, I recalled Jane's voicemail. "Oh, yeah, she mentioned you... thank you for helping her out."

When I couldn’t, I added in my head.

He offered me a small smile and I couldn't find it in myself to return it. I must have looked like shit, since he gave me a pitiful gaze.

"You want me to catch you up before you go in?" he asked, nodding to Jane's door. "She's okay by the way."

I nodded, sucking up a breath. My nerves were eating away at me the longer I didn't see Jane – half of me was terrified of what I'd find, and the other half was afraid she'd be upset or angry because I left her to it, even when she pleaded for my help.

Cory and I took a seat down the hall and he proceeded to explain about the case and how they found the guy who raped that poor girl. The shootout was the worst bit, making me shiver with discomfort. Apparently, Jane had gotten blasted with a shotgun, puncturing her torso and neck despite the vest she wore. All of the officers with her were killed and by the sounds of it, Jane almost was, too. But Cory managed to take out the criminals and the rapist himself. When he was finished telling me, I had no words.

"She's a bit shaken up, but her surgery went well," Cory reassured with a short nod. "Does she know you're coming?"

I shook my head, voice thick with emotion. "She wouldn't answer her phone. I guess I know why now."

Cory nodded, rubbing the back of his neck before sparing me a consoling glance. "She talked about you a lot. I think it'll cheer her up seeing you. You should go."

My eyes met his, teary and stinging with unshed tears. "Thank you so much."

He shrugged bashfully, but he didn't realise all that he'd done. I gave him a small, tight smile before standing up with a sigh. No point dwelling anymore – I had to see her.

Pushing my selfish feelings aside, I sucked it up and approached Jane's room. She would either want to punch me or not, but either way, I had to see if she was okay. And so, when I opened the door slightly, heart racing in my chest, said heart jumped in my throat at the sight of her.

She was laying on the bed with wires stuck in her and, only from what I could see, bandages were covering the side of her neck. I thought she was sleeping at first, but then her head tilted towards the door curiously, and bright blue eyes widened with disbelief.

"Y/N?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "What are you– how did you get here?"

I closed the door behind me and hesitantly approached her bedside, unable to stop my eyes from soaking in the sight of her. She looked so feeble and vulnerable and unlike how I saw her last. Then, Cory's words came back to me and I began to imagine the worst scenario of her getting shot, blood seeping from her wounds, the life draining from her eyes...

"Y/N," she called, and I looked to her startlingly, hoping I didn't look as troubled as I felt.

"Sorry," I said, clearing my throat. "I, er– the messages. Voicemail. I heard them and tried calling you back, but..."

She pursed her lips, exhaling with a wince and looking up at the ceiling, as if suddenly remembering she left messages in the first place.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," I said quietly, guilt seeping back in.

"No, no, don't be," she said, and I just about noticed the pink dusting her cheeks. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't have interrupted your vacation like that. I know you said you wanted a break and–"

"Jane, no, don't even say that," I cut her off, reaching for her hand in an instant. She looked my way, eyes flickering between mine nervously. I squeezed her hand gently and said, "I should have been here. You needed me and I– I didn't come. Maybe if I had, this could have ended differently."

She tried to smile, but I could see the discomfort in her eyes. "It's not that bad, honestly. It just looks bad."

I pressed my lips together, eyes falling to the bandage on her neck. Even though it was big and covered her wound, I could still make out the bruising around it from the impact of the shell. I didn't imagine the torso wound looking any different, and that thought alone made me regret leaving her alone. It was very much as bad as it looked; I knew that and she knew that.

Her lips trembled as she avoided my eyes, her own tearing up. I pushed away my guilt momentarily and changed the subject.

"So, I met Cory. He seems like a great guy."

She didn't say anything as she seemed lost in thought. Either that or she was trying not to cry in front of me. I hoped it wasn't the latter, since the last thing I wanted was to make her feel uncomfortable.

"You know," I said, when she wouldn't speak, "I'm pretty sure I told you to stay safe before I left for my vacation."

At my poor attempt to lighten the mood, she cracked a small, tight smile, but a smile nonetheless, and my racing heart slowed down momentarily.

"I'm glad you're okay," I said, now that I had her attention again, and she looked my way with a softened expression. "Kind of okay. But you know... okay."

Thankfully, she knew what I meant and her hand tightened around mine.

"I'm glad you came," she returned, and I couldn't look away even if I tried. She was always able to trap me with a single gaze.

With a tug of her hand, she motioned for me to sit on the edge of her bed, so I did. And then she began to ask me about my vacation, what I'd been up to this past month, how my parents were... basically anything and everything except for the case. And it was understandable, since she was reminded of it all the time. If I could be a form of escapism for her, so be it. It was the least I could do.

We spoke for hours until the nurse came in to let me know visiting hours were over and I'd have to come back tomorrow. With a regretful sigh, I got up from my seat on her bedside and stretched my limbs.

"Where are you staying?" she asked, a slight frown on her lips.

I smiled awkwardly, realising I didn't think that far ahead. "I'm not gonna lie, I don't know. I came straight here. There's gotta be a hotel or something in this town, right?"

She nodded and flicked her hand to the shelves on the other side of the room. "You should stay in my room in the inn. Key's in my bag over there."

"Oh, I don't have to do that–"

"Y/N, it's not like I'm going to be staying there anytime soon," she cut me off, smiling halfheartedly. "Please."

I chewed on my lip and nodded, giving in. When I grabbed her keys from her bag, I stopped by her bedside and gave her a supportive smile.

"I'll back first thing in the morning, if you don't mind," I said, and she finally gave me a smile that reached her eyes.

"I'd like that."

I nodded, resting a hand on hers and squeezing comfortingly. "Goodnight."

—

Though I knew Jane was okay, I still couldn't stop myself from thinking about her all night. The sight of her wounds and the broken expression on her face was enough to keep me awake. And the guilt that came with it all... why couldn't I have just picked up my damn phone?

As promised, I returned to Jane's hospital room the next morning, this time bringing some breakfast snacks from the hospital cafeteria since I knew the food would be much better than whatever they were serving her. Judging by the content expression on her face when I gave it to her, I was right.

When she finished eating, she was able to sit up slightly and move over on her bed, urging for me to join her and watch some TV with her. There was no way I was going to turn down that offer, so I slid next to her and kept a packet of sliced apples between us as we watched whatever was playing on the TV.

About halfway through watching, she spoke up randomly, taking me by surprise.

"When are you leaving?"

I tore my gaze from the screen and realised she was staring at me with intense green eyes.

"When you're well enough to," I answered truthfully.

She looked down to her hands. "You don't have to stay with me. You can go."

I studied her profile, knowing it was the wrong time to appreciate how stunning she looked even when she was makeup-free, sporting a bed head and tired.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked softly, afraid I may have overstepped.

She was quick to shake her head slightly, finally lifting her gaze to meet mine with glossy ones. "No."

I nodded, trying very hard not to smile, cleared my throat and grabbed her hand. "Then I'm not leaving. I'll be right here until you get better and I can take you home."

A ragged breath escaped her lips as she nodded in response. We both looked back to the TV and I noticed she didn't let go of my hand, her fingers warm to the touch and giving me goosebumps at the contact. But I wouldn't have had it any other way.

[leewritesstuff]

Lose You To Love Me |Tom Holland x Reader

Paring: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Losing someone hurts, but knowing that things get better, feels fine. You were dating Tom but feels as if you guys were slowly drifting away

Song: Lose You To Love Me

Masterlist

This is my first Tom Holland works, it's a little rusty since I haven't written something that isn't anime for a while.

You promised the world and I fell for it I put you first and you adored it Set fires to my forest And you let it burn Sang off-key in my chorus 'Cause it wasn't yours

Having an on-and-off relationship was difficult. Especially when the relationship was a secret. You wanted to come out and be public but Tom didn't. The excuses were 'They will attack you' or 'I'm just not ready' but to see him posing for pictures with other models and celebrities made you feel as if you were a secret as if he was a shame.

Moving from the kitchen to sit in the living room couches, you played with his hair, feeling his soft curls between your fingers.

"Tom do you think we could go to that new cafe that opens up down the straight? I hear that they sell amazing cupca-" Without looking up from his phone, he replies with "I would love to but I don't want anyone spotting us" "Well that's fine if they do, don't you think it's time that they know?" "I just want us to keep some stuff to ourselves, ya know?" Letting out a sigh, you leaned your body off of his, grabbed the remote to turn on the tv.

I saw the signs and I ignored it Rose-colored glasses all distorted Set fire to my purpose And I let it burn You got off on the hurtin' When it wasn't yours, yeah

"Who the fuck is her huh?! Is that why you can't hang out? Or why you're always so late? You never have time to spend with me, heck you don't even say sorry for missing out on our planned dates!" "For fucking sake Y/N! Not everything is about you! I told you I was running late because I was at a party for work! You of all people are supposed to know that!" "I wouldn't be feeling this way if people weren't taking pictures of you and that model! Friends don't act that way! You don't see me acting that way with Harrison!"

"I swear it's like you're my fucking mother. I'm a grown-ass man, I can do whatever the hell I want! Stop bitching every fucking time!"

You looked at him in shock, still trying to register the words he used on you. Some fans have been speculating that you and Tom were dating but that was quickly debunked when a few pictures of Tom and another model were 'rumored' to be dating.

At first the rumors didn't bother you. It was for an upcoming movie, but after a while of countless photos of them together, it started to make you feel a type of way, jealously, insecure.

You didn't exactly notice that your relationship was falling apart, only feeling the distance. You nodded your head at him, "Alright"

He watched you, anger from the fight filling up his veins. He was tired of having the same fight with you every time a picture of him and a girl gets posted.

He walked over to you and grabbed your hands, holding them tightly, "Look, I'm not cheating okay? You know how the paps get when they see something like a good story. I love you, and only you okay? You just have to trust me"

You leaned into his touch, hugging him back. Still not feeling secure but decides to ignore it.

He never did say sorry to those planned dates.

We'd always go into it blindly I needed to lose you to find me This dancing was killing me softly I needed to hate you to love me, yeah

After the incident that happens two weeks ago, nothing was the same. The relationship started getting more toxic, one of you would be yelling at the other or mentally abusing eachotherTom started coming home late and was spending more time outside than with you. He wasn't even home for your anniversary, instead, he chose to go to a pub. You tried to get Harrison to speak to him, but he would always come back at you, yelling at you for dragging his friend into his.

So you decided to go to the pub he was in.

You called up your best friend and got yourself ready. You didn't expect the pub to be so filled, but then again clubbing was never really your thing. Music blazing, the smell of alcohol in the air. bodies rolling on each other. Your friend asks you if you were fine then heads straight to the dance floor.

You head to the bar and asked the bartender for a drink. After receiving your drink you sat on one of the stools and drink it, looking around to see if your boyfriend was around.

Finishing the drink and not seeing him, you were starting to feel bad for doubting him, getting ready to leave, you got up but when you do, you saw someone who looks like Tom grinding into a blonde girl.Confusion written on your face. You walk up closer to get a good look, surprised, shock, and anger running through your veins.

You watched as he grinds his hips into her, feeling her up with his hands. It made you sick. Disgusted. What made you feel even sicker was when he turned her around and held a full make-out session with her. Feeling the tears flow from your eyes, you left and tried to find your friend.

You explained to her what happen and even in her drunken state, she tried to comfort you, you both left and head home.

So much for being the only one.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to hate you to love me, yeah

For days you felt like shit, for days you ignored his calls, for days you hated him.

You couldn't stand seeing his face, seeing how he was trying to pretend as if ntohing ever happened. It hurt you to know that he was playing his pretend role as if he was acting about how he feels about you. He tried calling but his calls were always ignored.

Tom felt as if you were slowly slipping away from him. He didn't know what he had done wrong. He thought everything was going well. He tried calling one more time, then gave up, deciding to give you your space.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me

Saying hello was always easy but saying goodbye was the hardest thing to do.Trying to shove all your clothes into the suitcase, shoving his hands off so your shoulder. You watch him, feeling no emotions, just blank. Empty. Nothing.

"I never thought, you of all people would cheat on me." "What do you mean? I never-" "Oh don't lie Thomas, I saw you, a few weeks ago when you were at the club. , If our relationship wasn't good why couldn't you have said anything? I spent days, weeks trying to get you to talk to me but no. I'm not even surprised, I mean they say actors lie about their true feelings, I guess I missed the warnings huh?"

Tom watched you in shock, not expecting you to call him out on that. He didn't plan for this to happen, it was supposed to be a one-time thing but the thrill and excitement he got made him feel something. He didn't mean to hurt you, but he did. And that was something that he could never take back.

"I'm sorry.." You let out a laugh, this whole situation was funny, "Now you're sorry, for what? For missing out on dates? Coming home late? Ignoring me? Oh wait is it because you got caught cheating on me with some bimbo right?"

"Don't call her that!"

"Ha, you even protect her... I thought you were different, but I guess I was wrong"

And now the chapter is closed and done To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah

Months passed, four to be exact and you have been doing better after moving out of Tom's you were able to afford an apartment for yourself which you then rented out half to your friend. You got promoted from your job and now you're working for more money.

Standing in line, to order your favorite cup of drink, someone bounced into you, knocking their drink on you.

"Watch it you asshole!" "Y/N?"

You look up and notice Tom standing in front of you, holding two cups of coffee.

"Hey, how have you been?" "I've been good, have a few acting roles coming up for a new movie. How about you? I remember you were working for a fashion store"

"I became manager, the pay is nice. If I keep it up they might move me to another firm that pays higher"

He nodded his head at you, feeling a bit proud of you," Well I'm in town for a bit, I won't be leaving until next month"

"Nice" Que the awkwardness

"Hey look, I'm sorry for how things turned out, I didn't mean for it to happen. I was kind of hoping that we could probably talk like we used to, or go to dinner or-"

"Look, Tom, no hard feelings but I'm over that. I have a life now, you started this and you can't make me forget all the pain that you caused me. I'm over that, I'm done crying and you should too."

He nodded his head, trying to hide the disappointment he's feeling, he tried to put on a smile to play it off but you know better, "Well I hope to see you again"

Grabbing your cup of coffee from the cashier, you paid her and face time. You said something which made his smile dropped as he watched you walk out.

"And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us"

[wonunuu]

iris beauty ❀

18: unexpected night

✎ synopsis: falling for a guy is never easy, especially when your best friend of many years basically claimed him; you and mina have been friends for as long as you can remember, but your loyalty and trust are tested when she asks you to pretend to be her in meeting a guy she had been talking to online and you unintentionally start to develop feelings for him.

✎ genre: romance, angst, comedy, fluff

✎ pairing: reader x yoon jeonghan

✎ word count: 1.5k+

previous | mlist | next

a/n: i apologize in advance if there are some errors. this was not proofread and was written during the midnight :) always, send your thoughts!!! if you want to be tagged, add your url here!

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

After your short ten-minute break, you exit the locker room and head to the front counter, notifying your co-worker that your break had finished and that you were going to take over. Walking to the front counter, you greet a customer who was patiently waiting. 

“Good afternoon! What can I get you today?” you ask the woman, whom you’ve probably seen before. “Just chai latte, please.” She smiles. You punch her order in, she hands you the money and you take it, placing it in the cashier machine. You give her the receipt and her order number, then start preparing her order.

As you give her her latte, you are surprised to see a familiar face, carefully inspecting the menu. “Thank you!” the woman says before exiting the door. 

“What are you doing here?” You inquire. Jeonghan smiles at you, “Well, I was thinking we could go out tonight if you're free?” 

“So you came here knowing that there's a possibility that I wouldn't be free?”, you asked, a little touched at his subtle act of kindness. He nods. Putting his kindness into consideration as you contemplate whether to lie and say you have plans or, to tell the truth, and agree. 

Jeonghan bites the inside of his cheek as he awaits your answer, but lets out a breath of relief when he sees you nod. You agree for three reasons. One, not to make anything seem suspicious. Rejecting his offer to take you out will most likely make him suspicious as the real Mina, whom he’s been talking to, would say yes. Two, if he’s taking you out then that would mean you’d be eating real food, and not instant noodles that have been in the kitchen cabinets for God knows how long—they’re probably way too long past their expiration date. Third, you did feel bad that he travelled long distances to come to your workplace to ask you—as Mina—out on a date, knowing that you might not be able to go.

“I still have forty minutes left before I clock out, though”, you inform him, wiping the counter. 

“That’s okay. I can just wait ‘till you finish. It's my fault for coming here without notice,” Jeonghan nervously laughs. “But I’d like something to drink while I wait.” You smile, shaking your head out of amusement. His shamelessness never fails to make you laugh. Jeonghan fondly stares at you, proud of himself for making you smile. 

“Pick any, it’s my treat.” You tell him as you fiddle around with the cashier machine, preparing to put his order in. Jeonghan’s ears perk up at your words, specifically on the last three. He excitedly scans the menu again and picks a drink of his choice. You instruct him to sit on the empty table placed in the far corner of the room. Immediately, you start making his beverage, meticulously measuring the ingredients, and once finished, you walk to where he was seated and give it to him. “Thanks,” Jeonghan mutters before taking a sip, and you watch intently, waiting for his reaction. Jeonghan frowns, you start to get worried. “Is it not good? I can make you another one—” 

“I’m just kidding, it tastes amazing.” You were cut off by Jeonghan suddenly wrapping his free arm around your waist and nuzzling his face into your stomach. You were taken aback by his actions but quickly reminded yourself that this is normal between couples—not that you and he are together, but you as Mina and he are together. Saying it in your head, you realize how confusing this whole pretending thing really is. 

You roll your eyes and smack his shoulder, he lets out a yelp in response and rubs the spot, trying to ease the sting.

He giggles, “Go work now.” You give him an “okay” before leaving him alone for you to continue working. 

“So where are we going?”

The two of you walk out to the cafe towards his car. Jeonghan tried to hold your hand but was saddened when you hid them in your pockets. Nonetheless, he brushes it off and continues to walk beside you. 

“Uh,” he thought, looking up. “We have a few options, actually.”

You reach his car and he opens the door for you, acting like a gentleman—a tip from his friend, Joshua. You mumble a thank you before going in. He closes the door and jogs to the other side to go into the driver’s seat. 

“A, we go to the movies,” he waits for your reaction. You shake your head, he looks confused. “I thought that was what was your ideal first date?” 

You shook your head again, “I changed my mind. Tell me the other options.”

He clears his throat, “I—I actually don’t have anymore… I assumed you were going to agree to the movies.” He nervously admits. "I wanted to seem cool, you know? Like I have things planned." He looks at you hesitantly, embarrassed at his confession. You laugh, a little louder than intended, he laughs along. 

“I can't believe you. Let me look up some fun places we can go.” You say, emphasizing the word ‘fun’, Jeonghan rolls his eyes in response. 

Three long minutes have passed, lazily scrolling through your phone. Jeonghan, too, had his phone, looking for possible destinations that could interest the both of you. 

Earlier, you both discussed and agreed that you wanted something interesting to do on your first date; not sitting on some chairs watching movies. When you were about to give up, something caught your eye. You gasped, causing Jeonghan to whip his head at you. 

“There’s a night fair not too far from here! We need to go, please Han?” You excitedly squeaked, not knowing where the nickname came from. Jeonghan smirks at you, “New nickname? I like it.” Taking you by surprise, he grabs your free hand and places them on his cheek, caressing them gently with his thumb. “Give me the address, let’s go.” 

The two of you walk tiredly around the fair after playing dozens of games. You knew about each other's competitive nature, so the competition in trying to win the games came naturally. You personally think a little competition made the games more enjoyable. 

You'd say you guys are tied; even. You had won the ring toss, gaining a mug as a prize. He won the dart game, it turned out his aim was as accurate as cupid. Et cetera. 

Now, you were trying to find something to fill your growling stomachs. There were many food booths open and you had been walking around for what felt like hours. You couldn't seem to find the right booth that offered the food. Until Jeonghan suddenly grabs your hand and pulls you towards a booth around the end of the road. 

“Oh my god,” you almost scream out of joy. “How did you know?” 

“It's my favourite too.” He tells you, smugly. 

"Hello, can we get two nakji bokkuem, please? Thank you." He orders the food while you look around to find a table to sit at. Despite the number of people, you luckily find a free spot. You walk to the empty table, leaving Jeonghan to wait for the food by himself. 

As you observe the boy from your seat, thoughts flood your head. You were suddenly worried about what Mina's reaction would be when you tell her that you, pretending to be Mina, have been meeting up with Jeonghan while she was gone. You weren't bothered about being caught because you were sure that you were going to pull it off. But one thing you fretted about the most is his reaction when Mina tells him the truth. Mina had told you that when she would come back from her trip, she would tell Jeonghan everything. You were scared for your best friend; you don't want her to feel heartbroken. 

You push your thoughts to the side when you see Jeonghan approach, food in his hands. As he takes a seat, he wafts the smoke from the food towards you. You close your eyes inhaling the smell, causing your mouth to salivate. 

"Here you go." He places the plate in front of you and takes out your chopsticks. 

"You know I can do that right?" you laughed, taking the chopsticks from his hand. 

"I know, but I want to do it for you," Jeonghan chuckles. 

The table became silent when the two of you started to eat, of course, a few comments and giggles here and there. But the two of you were too focused on eating the food, that you forgot about each other's presence. Until Jeonghan started choking on his last bite, and you being you, you stayed seated laughing as you watched the boy struggle.   

"Why didn't you help me?" Jeonghan whines, rubbing his neck. 

"I was!" You exclaimed, trying to hold yourself from laughing further. "Moral support, you know?" you continue. 

Jeonghan is out of words. "Laughing at me as I choke is not moral support!" He cried.

Your night was definitely unexpected, in the most possible good way. Spending your free time with Jeonghan was so amazing that you forgot you were even pretending to be someone else. Though you do feel guilty, you console yourself by saying that you were doing it for your best friend. 

[dancingazaleas]

𖨆. 03 / all for us

summary: you’ve been gone for a while and haven’t been replying to any of your texts messages. you’re friends suspect something might be up.

note: the reader has been left alone continuously ever since she has been kidnapped. erwin and levi are the only ones who see her, and it’s usually only for an hour or two. this is because of her reluctance to be around them.

taglist: @voltairelesecond @the-sun-baby @uniquepickle @baelo80

word count: +3.0k

warnings/notes: cursing, vomiting, your friends are looking for you

PIECK knew something was up whenever bertholdt said you weren't answering his texts and hadn't been showing up to work before you even went on vacation. she knew you were on vacation and that you were pissed with her, but even so you never ignored texts from bertholdt.

her suspicions only rose whenever porco and reiner told her the same thing, that you'd suddenly gone awol on the two of them out of nowhere.

they were confirmed when zeke came back into town and said the same thing.

she sits on her couch, shoulders shaking as she cries with porco's arms wrapped around her. reiner, bert, zeke, and annie, who reiner and bert brought for some reason, stare at her in complete worry.

you went awol just this sunday, telling each and everyone of them that you were going on vacation and wouldn't be in town for a little while. bertholdt hadn't seen you at work for almost three weeks now, two and a half of them after your sudden vacation.

"she can't be on vacation," pieck sobs, "she always answers your guys' texts. no matter what!"

"maybe she's just in a different country? she might just not be able to get reception," porco seems unsure as he says this.

"she can't be. she would've told me, pieck, or even bertholdt. god, she would've told all of us," zeke's head is in his hands while his teeth grind together.

"okay, so where would she be if she were still in paradis," annie speaks up while gesturing her arm in a circle.

"who fucking knows," reiner sighs, "when'd you last see her, babe?"

"at work before she stopped showing up. she said she was gonna get coffee at that one café she loves going to. other than that, she didn't say anything about plans or going out with anybody," bertholdt is laced with confusion and his arms are crossed.

"we got into a bad fight that night," pieck sniffles, "she left the house a few hours later, i just thought she was going to stay with one of you guys or yelena."

"what'd you even argue about?"

she grips at her hair with tears rushing down her face, "i can't even remember. it was probably so petty and stupid. the only thing i remember is her telling me that she hated me and me telling her that she was a fuck up."

"i'm so sorry, pieck," porco squeezes her shaky form tight to his chest.

"wait," zeke's standing up abruptly and pointing at bertholdt, "she went where?!"

"oh my god, she went to café scout!!! maybe the workers heard something," reiner perks up along with everyone else.

"holy shit, maybe that one girl is there!! she probably saw something," porco smiles.

"louise! she definitely knows (name)! she probably saw something! let's go," pieck jumps off of the couch and stumbles towards the front door of her house.

the rest of them follow after, all deciding that bertholdt's van, he's usually the designated driver, is the car they'll get into. they all yell at a fumbling bertholdt to hurry up and unlock the car as they stand at the car. he does so while screaming, jumping into the driver's seat and starting the ignition. reiner's jumping in the passenger seat and annie's in the first row of seats behind bert.

before porco can even close the door behind him, bertholdt is driving off towards the café. porco is screaming along with pieck as they're thrown around the van due to their lack of seatbelts and the both of them standing to sit in their seat. their screaming has everyone else screaming as bert speeds up the car despite the oncoming speed bump. bertholdt and reiner hit their heads against the roof of the car, a loud bang resonating throughout the vehicle. pieck and porco's back hit the roof as well, but luckily for pieck she lands on the first row of seats next to annie.

porco, unfortunately, lands on the floor. zeke would've laughed if it wasn't for his own head slamming against the carpeted roof of the van. annie holds onto pieck's arm whenever she's in a sitting position, screaming along with reiner for bertholdt to slow the car down as they see another speed bump.

he doesn't.

porco is once again thrown against the roof.

bertholdt is speeding, even as he gets onto the freeway with other cars. he's stressed out.

when they get there, they all wonder how the fuck bertholdt didn't even get pulled over and how the hell they even managed to survive. bertholdt cries out apologies as reiner and porco puke their guts out in the huge parking lot while annie gags and tries not to vomit at watching reiner and porco do it themselves. pieck is holding her hand and trying to cover her eyes while zeke manages to cover her ears and cringes at porco and reiner.

bertholdt's now sobbing at annie, profusely apologizing, even getting on all fours and begging for her forgiveness.

"how are you gonna get on your hands and knees for annie but not for your boyfriend," porco coughs before he spits out saliva to get rid of the taste in his mouth.

reiner follows behind him in a grimace, hand grabbing at his now emptied stomach and the other going to wipe at his mouth.

"dude, gross!! don't wipe it off with your hands!! pieck and bertholdt usually have tissues on hand," porco shouts to reiner, who drops his hand halfway.

pieck and zeke comfort the emetophobe annie all while bertholdt gives reiner and porco tissues and a breath mint. he gives them hand sanitizer as well, and throws a pack of peppermint frost gum at the two of them, clogging his nose up.

they scoff but oblige, both now looking somehow decent and also smelling it. pieck's calming down a shaking annie, who's buried herself in pieck's warm arms, and zeke stands to the side awkwardly.

porco and reiner rush to the order counter when they all step inside, ordering instead of asking the cashier for the employee they were looking for. annie, who's now calm, pushes them aside harshly.

"ignore them, is that girl louise working today? we need to talk to her," she asks and the poor cashier is terrified at annie's deadpan face.

"n-no!! sh-she should be at home!!"

"give me her address," annie starts to lean her front over the counter, almost pushing the poor girl into a heart attack.

she grabs a napkin and a pen, hurriedly scribbling down louise's address and running off into the back.

"we can get food on the way there," annie shrugs nonchalantly, "preferably wendy's or something."

————

bertholdt and pieck almost feel bad for the poor girl whenever she answers the door.

with annie's glare piercing into her and zeke's towering over her, they were sure she'd pissed herself.

"y-yes... what do you need," she digs her nails into the door.

pieck shoves them both aside and steps forward, louise lights up with recognition.

"don't worry, they aren't gonna hurt you," she waves her hand, completely ignoring how they both still glare at louise even over pieck's shoulder, "i just need to ask you something."

"what is it?"

"have you seen (name) lately? the girl who usually come in with me."

"last time i saw her was around a few weeks ago," louise shrugs, "wait, did she go missing?!"

"yea, we're trying to figure out where she was last on the night of her disappearance. did she say anything to you...? anything at all," pieck steps forward with a desperate hand on her heart.

"she said something about going drinking with two friends... something about them being blonde and short," she scratches at her temple, slight pout on her face, "that's all i can remember."

"did she say what bar," pieck steps closer again, putting her hand on the door frame.

louise shakes her head sadly, eyes dropping down to their feet.

with that, pieck broke into tears again and was led away by porco and annie. the rest of them followed behind, leaving louise inside her home.

"she has to be somewhere," pieck cries into her hands, "she has to be!!"

zeke's got a hand on his forehead while he loosely holds onto his glasses with his other hand. he lets out a choked out sob, and everyone turns to him.

"zeke... are you... crying?" reiner turns to look at zeke over his shoulder.

"fuck.. yea. it just doesn't make sense. she's gotta be somewhere," he rubs the bridge of his nose.

"maybe the guys louise mentioned know something...," bertholdt inserts as he looks in the rear view mirror.

the statement has pieck shouting at the meek boy, "we don't know what they look like!!! all we know is that one is blonde and one is short! we're at a dead end! we're fucking stuck!!!"

bertholdt visibly flinches in his seat while his throat clogs up, hands gripping at the steering wheel. his eyes are welling up with tears that he doesn't let out. reiner's hand is on his arm in comfort, eyebrows bunched up in concern.

pieck wails once more, "god, i'm so sorry bertl. this isn't your fault. you were trying to help."

he sniffles, "it's fine. i understand. we're all just upset and desperate to find (name)."

"we'll find her soon enough."

————

the loneliness is getting to your head.

you're in the secluded dark even during the day.

you just crave to be with someone, so much that you're getting desperate.

a tug at erwin's sleeve has him stopping and turning back to face you. you've got tears spilling over your cheeks and snot running into your mouth while you lean on an elbow to hold onto his sleeve for dear life.

it's not even nighttime, it's early afternoon. erwin had just come into the room to feed you lunch and to just leave after that. but you couldn't handle it anymore. being alone made everything dark and silent.

even if the lights and televisions were turned on.

"please," you beg and rest your forehead against his arm, "please don't leave me alone."

erwin's cheeks are lighting up while his eyes widen. his hand comes up to stroke the back of your head as it now rests on his hip. he doesn't mind the wet spot forming on his pants, this was the first time you ever initiated anything.

"i won't, darling. i need to go put the tray in the sink and let levi know i will be in here," he's taking a step away from you, jumping at your sudden loud sobs and tugging.

"no! no! please, i don't want to be alone," your eyes are squeezed shut while you grip onto his pants for dear life.

"but i need to go put these dishes away. after that, i can—"

"no!" you scream and push your head harder against his leg, "no! please don't leave! i don't want you to leave."

he sighs, putting the tray of empty dish onto your bedside table. he grabs the room key out of back pocket before he picks you up bridal style.

"you run, levi'll break your legs," his fingers dig into your skin, but loosen at the frantic nod you give.

he manages to unlock your bedroom door in a complicated way, which you don't feel like questioning, and strolls outside of the room.

he goes out of your quarters, it's the furthest you've ever been. you're in a large room that connects into other rooms, the amount of doors is slightly overwhelming to you even as you look at them.

to your shock, you pass by people. living people.

they all seem to be staff, and the only sort of acknowledgement you get from them is a wide eyed stare with a dropped jaw.

"levi is still in his study, correct," he asks while shifting his hold on you.

a girl with ginger hair and auburn eyes speaks up, "yes sir! he requested no one to enter."

erwin nods and walks past the girl, who gives you a small friendly wave whenever you look out from erwin's arm.

you turn your attention back to erwin whenever you hear the sound of a door opening and closing.

you're in a new room, which is assumed to be levi's study, that's lighted up by the cloudy and grey natural light that shines through the blinds and windows. there are bookshelves on both sides of the room and you notice that on both bookshelves the order of the books goes from largest to smallest. levi sits at a desk in the middle of the room, facing the door, as his hand holding a pen runs across the paper.

"what do you need," levi looks up for a brief moment, but snaps his head up once more.

"what's the brat doing here," he motions to you in erwin's arms.

erwin's sitting you on a leather couch in the office, wiping away some tears with his thumbs. he steps away from you and takes ahold of levi by the arm, essentially dragging him to the door of the study.

the dawning realization that they're going to leave you alone has you tripping over your feet as you run to the door. your hand grips onto levi's shirt and you tug him towards you, pulling him away from the door.

"i don't want to be alone," you cry while shoving your face into levi's chest, he cringes at your snot and tears soaking through his shirt.

"oh," he blinks, awkwardly rubbing your back with his hand, "why'd you bring her here?"

"because she wouldn't let me leave to put her tray away, which i now need you to do. i'm going to get in the bath with her, which you are welcome to join if you'd like."

"i don't like baths, sitting in your own filth," he scrunches his nose up.

"to each their own," erwin shrugs, giving levi a kiss on his temple and grabbing ahold of your hand.

"come along, darling," he smiles at how quickly you intertwine fingers with him and join his side.

he leads you into a different bathroom than the one that you use. there's not much of a difference besides it size, the tub's size, and the long counter built for two.

"undress for me, love," his giant hands are massaging your shoulders before he pulls away and walks over to the tub.

you look to the bathroom door, only to find a doorknob with a keypad, something you didn't notice when you walked in, and frown. you just sigh and slip off the the pastel pink nightgown you were wearing, the fabric pooling around your feet as it drops to the floor.

you look up into the mirror, and you almost want to cry. you look nothing like yourself. you barely had any life behind those (eye color) eyes and your eyebrows were now naturally furrowed in sadness. you've got fading bruises on one side of your body, trailing downwards all the way to your calf.

you decide to take off your panties before you let your thoughts roam, stepping out of them after they've dropped to the floor.

you hear the door open, to which you and erwin look to. only it's not levi.

it's a young boy with ebony black hair and emerald green eyes that stands at 5'10.

you instinctively cover yourself up and turn your back towards him, embarrassing washing over you in waves.

erwin scrambles to block the boys view, who is seemingly enjoying it, and furrows his bushy brows.

"who are you and what are you doing here? where is levi?!"

"levi sent me sir. he gave me clothing for the girl and then said you would be in here," his eyes try to take a peek over erwin's shoulder.

erwin snatches the clothing out of his hand and slams the door shut in the boy's face. he scoffs in annoyance while he puts the clothes onto the counter, now focusing his attention onto you.

"i'm sorry about that, dear. are you alright," he puts a hand on your back and guides you to his chest.

"i'm okay," you sniff, "just wanna get in the bath now."

he smiles a bit, leaving a sweet kiss on your forehead before he steps away. you watch him rid himself of his white button up and try not to let your eyes bulge out at his body. however, you can't exactly resist the urge whenever erwin is finally naked.

erwin's stomach has abs carved into it, a well groomed happy trail leading to his cock. the thighs in his muscles and back are almost screaming out at you whenever he turns and lifts his hand to ruffle his hair.

you look down to his feet, feeling ashamed for even staring for so long.

he gets into the bath after a moment, knees spread wide for you to sit between. his arms are resting on the rim of the tub while he sighs at the hot temperature. you get in, goosebumps running up and down your body as the heat invades your colder body. you settle in between his legs and lean back against his chest, closing your eyes.

his arms wrap around you, pulling you closer to him than you were before. you put a hand over his arm, silently giving him a message to keep his arms where they were.

his lips kiss at the crown of your head, and it seems sweet enough to where you think you might be able to smile. but you don't.

watching your eyes flutter, he mumbles into your hair, "the hot water make you tired?"

"yeah," you hum, "don't really like the hot outside of this. i prefer the cold."

"so does levi," erwin chuckles as he draws circles into your skin.

"does that mean you like summer?"

"no, i prefer fall or spring. both usually have the adequate temperature," he sighs.

"erwin," you ask after a few seconds, "why is levi so cold?"

"why are you only now asking?"

"i meant to ask sooner but i was never really... given the chance," you say bitterly.

"well, levi has been through a tough life. he almost went to jail before i met him. but it isn't my story to tell," he smiles at the memory.

you nod and finally let out a yawn, "i'm going to fall asleep soon."

from then, erwin washes the two of you so you both can get out of the bath. during this, you find out he's actually quite playful. he gathers up bubbly soap in his hands and blows them into your face, hearty laughs following immediately after.

he stands before you once you're out of the tub, wrapping a towel around his waist and one around your shoulders. you look up at him while he brushes your hair and puts on a few drops of lotion on your face.

you're trying to ignore the voice in the back of your head that maybe he really does care. because at the end of the day,

you still have a collar and chain on.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Out Of The Blue - Part 3

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 1300+

Summary: Reader has some exciting news to share with her longtime boyfriend Chris but what happens when he beats her to it with some news of his own?

A/N: I think i got everyone who asked to be tagged, if i didnt please send me an ask so i dont loose it 🤣

Please like/comment/share 💕

Hearing Chris's voice i pushed back my chair and made my way to the front door.

"She's not here" i heard Alex say as i got closer.

"Come on man, its important...."

"Alex it's fine, i'll be okay" i spoke up. I saw Chris sigh with what looked like relief?... but it was quickly replaced with a look of regret, maybe a little fear. Good!

"I'll just be in there" he pointed back towards the dining room " if you need me...."

"I'll let you know" i smiled. Alex eyed Chris once more before reluctantly retreating.

"How'd you find me?" I asked crossing my arms, it was kinda like my protective barrier.... he hated when i did this.

"Um, you used your card for gas.... a notification came up on your iPad. I looked up the gas station and drove out there. I asked the cashier if she'd seen you...."

"Great" i rolled my eyes, making a mental not to turn of my notifications!

"She said she remembered you coming in because you looked exhausted and she tried to get you to stay in a motel. But that you told her you only had an hours journey... thats when i kinda figured this was where you were. I didn't think you'd come this far to be honest".

"Was kinda the point"

Chris nodded sadly realising that i came here because i knew he wouldn't think id drive all the way out to Chelsea's.

"I know I'm the last person you wanna see right now, but Y/N we need to talk about some stuff...."

"Not here, i don't want the kids hearing" i said stepping outside and walking across the street to where his car was parked.

Once we were both in the car i turned to face him trying to keep myself from crying, because my god that was all i wanted to do!

"So what do you wanna talk about.... how you cheated on me??"

"I made the biggest mistake of my life. Its over i promise you.... it was never serious, but what i was doing.... it should never had happened!!"

"You slept with someone else of course it shouldn't have happened!!" I shouted.

"I never slept with her!!"

"What??!"

"I never slept with her i promise!"

"But you said you've been seeing someone!"

Chris nodded running his hand over his bearded jaw "it wasn't about sex, we just connected on an emotional level....I didnt even realise it was a problem at first...."

he sighed "but i found myself seeking her out when i was having a bad day. When things got hard with us.... we'd been trying everything to get pregnant and it just wasn't happening"

"You confided in her??! About our relationship?..."

"I was stressed and i blamed myself..... i felt like i was letting you down. I felt us drifting apart...." he told me sadly "i don't even know when it happened. But i started spending a lot of time with her...."

"And less time with me. All while i was sitting waiting for you to come home like an idiot! I know it was hard trying to get pregnant Chris but thats no excuse for you doing this! You should have come to me!" I turned my head away to wipe away some stray tears that managed to escape.

"Please don't cry dahlin'...."

"How can i not??....."

"Tell me how i can make this right? I don't want to loose you...."

"Im not sure you can. Chris do you have any idea how this makes me feel?? I feel like I'm not enough for you..."

"You are! I promise you, you are enough..."

"Clearly im not or we wouldn't be having this conversation!"

"So thats it? You're just gonna give up on us?"

"I wasn't the one who gave up on us. My god Chris, i would've done anything for you..... you were my world!"

"And now?....."

"Right now i can't even stand looking at you" i said sadly "my heart is in pieces..... i still can't wrap my head around the fact you did this. Its so out of the blue..... i thought we were happy" I cried into the sleeve of my jumper "i was so excited to tell you i was finally pregnant...... this baby couldn't have happened at a worser time. This should be one of the happiest days of my life but its been anything but happy".

"Will you just come home, please? We can sort this out...."

"I can't. I think we need some time apart"

"No..." he cried, tears running down his face "baby please don't leave me...."

"Go home Chris" i said quickly as i opened the door and stepped out.... i was in such a rush to get away from him that i didn't see the SUV coming towards me.

"Y/N!!!!" Was the last thing i heard before everything went black.

"Y/N!.... Y/N wake up....." i could hear Chris' voice as i slowly opened my eyes.

"Chris.....?"

"Yeah baby its me, you were dreaming" he said quietly as his hand stroked up and down my back. It was then that i realised i was laying in bed with Chris' arms around me.

It had all been a dream??!

I suddenly burst into tears, sobbing into Chris' bare chest.

"Hey.... hey whats wrong?" He asked tightening his hold on me "is it your dream?"

I nodded as i continued to cry "it was h..horrible! It felt so real...."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No. Chris let go of me.... i think I'm gonna be sick...." i pulled out of his arms and ran to the en suite. I made it just in time before i spilled my guys into the toilet.

Once the sickness passed i headed downstairs telling Chris i needed a minute to myself. I knew it was a dream... he hadn't actually done anything wrong, but i was pissed at Chris and felt ridiculous! I was sitting on the sofa under a blanket holding a warm mug of Chamomile tea when he came walking in. He hovered in the doorway for a minute before finally coming to sit next to me on the sofa.

"Look i'm not sure what i did to piss you off but will you come back to bed please? You know i hate sleeping without you"

"You haven't done anything wrong" i reached out and took his hand "that dream just really shook me up"

"Talk to me.... you might feel better if you talk about it"

"I... i found out i was pregnant...."

"Dahlin, its gonna happen i promise...." he quickly added thinking that was the reason i was so upset, because that part of my dream was real.... we'd been trying to get pregnant for so long now but it just wouldn't take.

"Thats not what got to me..... i found out i was pregnant but before i got to tell you, you came home from work and told me you had been seeing someone else. It felt so real...."

"Sweetheart....." Chris looked at me sadly tightening his hold on my hand "it was just a dream. I would never do that to you.... you're my world. Id be lost without you"

"It was horrible Chris! It felt so real! I left and went to Chelsea' but you tracked me down..... we were arguing in your car one minute, the next I'm getting out to leave and i got hit by a car! then i woke up...."

"I know it felt real, but its not. Im not going anywhere, you're stuck with me"

He pulled me in and pressed a tender kiss to my lips "i love you".

"I love you too".

"Sweetheart?.... are you crying again?"

"Yes!" I cried loudly, my god i was a mess! Chris chuckled softly.

"You're not still pissed at me because of your dream are you?"

"No! Im just very emotional!"

"Okay don't get mad at me but, are you sure you're not pregnant?".

I sat up straight on the sofa and stopped crying long enough to think about when i had my last period.

"Oh my god.... i'm late" i gasped, I was never late! "Do you think this is really it?"

"I hope so dahlin!" Chris replied with a huge smile.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @hiddelstannerbarnes @bellamy-barnes @buchanansebba @rosalynshields @turtoix @dottirose

Out Of The Blue tags: @kenzieam @ilovetheeagles @mrspeacem1nusone @kawairinrin @coldmuffinpartycloud @memoriesat30 @idk123906 @thummbelina @uniquebeautyqueen

[kerie-prince]

We're Worlds Apart (4)

Draco Malfoy x American No-Maj!reader

series m.list | general m.list | previous chp

warnings: a curse word if you squint, sassy Draco

summary: Draco Malfoy is a pureblood wizard. Magic runs through his veins and has been since his birth. You're a Wiccan No-Maj; a non-magical being with ordinary blood through your veins, but practices what you call magick. And this very practice upsets your neighbor.

a/n: a day late bc i got distracted watching game of thrones lmao i have adhd so i honestly should've known better than to have something so attention demanding in front of me :P

(gif cred)

Three more days.

Three more days until your brother and his girlfriend come to your Buffalo suburban home to spend Thanksgiving. You came home from work on a better day than the ones from the week before, only to walk inside and was almost convinced you entered the wrong house.

Your mother took the liberty of decorating your house while you were gone. The place looked like an IKEA catalogue. Green and cream colored throw pillows were on your black leather couch, your small dining table had a fall-themed centerpiece and a blood orange table cloth. New dining chairs, all of them matched, unlike the mismatched ones you had before. And that god-forsaken ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ wooden sign hung in your kitchen. That damn thing is leaving first thing in the morning.

“Ma, what the hell did you do to my house?” The more you looked, you groaned at what you saw. Your grandmother’s tapestry was no longer hanging at its original place, now hung hidden behind the tv. “Oh, don’t give me any grief about it. Y/B/N is coming and I don’t want the place looking like the Spirit store.”

You knew you couldn't really fight her on this. It would be more frustrating to have to argue and still not be able to put everything back to how it was until she left. Taking a deep breath, you walked yourself to your room to get changed into comfortable clothes and light some sage for your nerves.

Three more days.

—

One more week.

In a week's time, Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott were to come to New York to spend the month of December with Draco and to say he was excited was an understatement.

He was excited, nervous, and many other feelings that he was too stressed to name. The guest room was prepared for the two of them to share, all he had to do was figure out what to do with them while they were here. He had taken a week off and had no idea what to do. He still hadn’t gone around the city he lived in. He could always ask his friends at Saint Marie but for some reason, he was too shy to.

He could always ask Mrs. Charles for recommendations on what to do. She was a sweet muggle neighbor that he came to like as well as her husband. He could also ask you, but it’s been over a week since he spoke to you in your yards. From glimpses into your window, you seemed so exhausted. Not that he really cared, but he remembered that you would try to get along better and so far, all he’s done was give a nod towards your direction when he walked into his home as you were leaving yours.

His bedroom blinds were always closed now because he knew that if he were to see you doing your… whatever you do in your room just once, he’d change his mind about the whole thing. It still bothered him, but not as bad as it did when he first saw it.

Draco’s stomach growled as he sat on his couch, bringing him out of his thoughts and walked over to the kitchen. To his despair, his pantry, cabinets, and fridge were all empty. Guess I’ll have to grab something. He pondered on what he was in the mood for as he ran out the door. Draco figured he'd just figure it out as he drove around the streets downtown.

Since moving to America, he found so many new cuisines than he had ever imagined. He usually always ate at home, and if his family ever ate outside of home they usually went to the finest restaurants in France. Of course, they were all wizard-owned restaurants. But in New York, he’s been introduced to new things. For one, he had his first ever hamburger with Blaine. Ashley took him to a Chinese restaurant, and Ian bought Draco a traditional New York pizza.

Yes, all these things existed in London. Maybe not so much New York-style pizza, but there was pizza. Draco, however, never had the opportunity to try any of these foods. Lucius was extremely strict about eating out. It was never necessary considering he could afford the best quality foods to be made at home. When they did eat at restaurants in France, it was only because a higher official at the Ministry had invited them for a night out.

Around the streets, the bright lights of buildings and restaurants lit the streets as he drove around them. Draco turned into a street he hadn’t been into yet in hopes to find something else he could find to try. There were a couple places he hadn’t been into; a Greek restaurant, a Brazillian one, and a couple shops. There was one shop close to the end of the street. It was sandwiched between two boutiques and had a neon green and purple sign in the front. Soul Beads. In front of the building was a man with a weird sign in one hand and an even weirder thing that seemed to have made his voice louder in the other. Draco couldn’t make of the rubbish he was yelling into the thing from inside his car.

Draco pulled to the curb to walk around the street and check out the restaurants. A bell jingle caught his attention, turning around to see one person he didn’t really expect to see here. “Draco?” your face showed the same expression as his. He watched as you closed the door to Soul Beads and walked up to him. The weird man that stood in front of the store yelled out, “DON’T TALK TO HER, THIS BITCH HERE WORKS FOR THE DEVIL!”

“Do you know him?” Draco asks with a quirked eyebrow. The stranger kept yelling profanities at you but Draco saw how you couldn’t be bothered by it. “He does this every couple weeks. What brings you out here?” Your hands were stuffed tightly in your pockets for warmth.

“Do you own the street? Can I not be here?” he asked sarcastically. You faced him with a deadpan look as to ask him again without having to say the words to him. Or call him a smartass. Which he is. With a roll of his eyes, he continued, “I’m looking for something to eat but I’ve never been to these places before.”

“Ah,” you started, “Well I don’t know what kind of stuff you’re used to, but I suggest the Greek restaurant right across. Over-priced, but the best gyros you’ll ever have in Buffalo.”

“It’s yee-roh, not jahy-row.” Draco corrected. He couldn’t tell if you were irritated or confused after he said that. Probably both.

“You know Greek?” you asked.

“I studied it when I was a child. My tutor showed me the word once and hit my hand when I had mispronounced it. Learned the hard way to never do that again,” flashbacks to the older woman teaching him the language cursed his mind for a few seconds.

His stomach growled even louder now in the silence between them. Draco blushed in embarrassment, shifting around to look away so you wouldn’t see. You slightly chuckled and tapped his shoulder. “Come on, neighbor’s treat.” And you walked onto the busy street.

This bloody woman is crazy to be crossing a busy street he thought as he rushed to follow you across the street. He got scared as a car got too close and ran to the safety of the sidewalk. “You’re gonna get yourself bloody killed one of these days like that,” he scolded. “If you’re gonna live in New York, you’re gonna have to deal with annoying pedestrians and sometimes be an annoying pedestrian. Be glad you don’t live in Manhattan, they’re worse. A person could be hit by a car and he’d just get on up and keep walking.” you informed.

Draco would be lying to himself if he said that didn’t spook him a little. Sure, he’s seen a few students get hexed, some by him, but they’d never just dealt with it and continued walking in the halls. They’d either have to hope their friends knew the counter curse or they’d end up in the hospital wing and had Madam Pomfrey help them back to normal. These muggles really are just… strange.

The restaurant looked old and desperately needed a remodel but by Merlin, it smelled amazing. “Now, are you getting a yee-roh sandwich or are you getting something else?” you mocked his previous correction with a playful roll of your eyes. Draco looked at the menu but it didn’t matter as he didn’t know the first thing about Greek food. What the hell did my father force me to take lessons for? “Do you want me to just order for you?” you asked as he kept browsing for too long. There were only 12 things on the menu but it still confused him.

He held back a snarl as he agreed to your help. He stood aside as you ordered and waited until it sounded like you were done, then headed up to the window to pay. “Oh, you don’t have to. I insisted I would pay,” you tried to push his hand away and reach for your credit card but he proceeded to hand the money to the cashier. “It’s nothing.”

“Here or to-go?” the lady asked with a thick New York accent. The two of you just looked at each other waiting for someone to say something. “Do you want to just-”

“Eat it here?” He looked at the small space and saw only one unoccupied table by the window. One of two tables. No longer growling, his stomach was shaking nearly violently, indicating that he can’t wait any longer. It was a strange feeling to be starving. Never had he ever had to wait for food at Malfoy Manor nor at Hogwarts. Whether it was house elves or first years, someone always ran to get him food with a snap of his fingers. “Yeah, here’s fine.”

The lady handed your plates to you as he went to claim the small table before someone else did. He looked around the space with a slight disgusted look. It’s not that it was run by muggles, but just because the place looks so old and kind of dirty. Even the house elves at the Manor lived in better conditions. The corner he sat in made him feel slightly claustrophobic. How do they sit and enjoy anything like this?

You sat the food on the table and shook your jacket off on to the chair. Draco watched as you placed the plates as neatly in front of you both. He couldn’t help but notice the rings that covered most of your fingers. Some were simple silver bands, some bronze bands, and some looked like wire that had a wrapped, colorful rock in the center. They were mismatched but coordinated at the same time. If that made any actual sense.

You started some simple small-talk, “So, what brings you all the way out here?”

“I got a better job opportunity,” Draco responded. His voice sounded uninterested, and his eyes stared at the plate. It had three pieces of meat on a bed of white rice, a small salad and a little dipping bowl of some white sauce. He dipped the meat into the sauce and as he tasted it, he nearly groaned in content. The flavors danced around his mouth and he had to hold himself back from devouring the whole plate in a matter of seconds.

He could feel you staring at him but chose not to look up to see judgement in your eyes. Whether it was with amusement or not. The food was so good and he would most definitely order another one to-go on his way out for his lunch break tomorrow. I’m definitely bringing Blaise and Theo here.

“What kind of job do you do?” Draco stopped chewing his food and swallowed nervously. He should’ve expected this kind of question sooner or later, but here he was sitting in silence trying to figure out what to say. He couldn’t just tell you that he’s a Healer because then that would lead to more questions and that’d be more answers he couldn’t give you. “What, you don’t wanna tell me?” you furrowed your eyebrows at him as he continued his silence.

Finally, the word popped in his mind, “I’m a doctor.” Hopefully that ends that conversation.

“That’s cool, what kind of doctor are you?” Shit. There’s more than one kind?

“Uh, I work with people who come into the hospital with major injuries like a broken arm and such,” Draco stuttered.

“So, an emergency room doctor. You work in the ER then,” you concluded with a hand over your mouth as you chewed. “Y-yeah, that.” Draco tried not to sound suspicious. “What about you?”

You cleared your throat, drank some of your soda and pointed out the window, “You see that store over there? Soul Beads? That’s my store.” It was weird how coincidental it was that of all streets to drive into and of all people to run into, he ran into you coming out of your personally owned store. Looking back at you, he saw your face relax and smile at the building. “What do you sell? I’m assuming it’s not food seeing as you didn’t invite me in.”

Now it was time for you to stutter, “Oh, just candles and stuff. Nothing too flashy.” You poked at your food and took small bites of it. There was an awkward silence between you two for about ten minutes before you started the conversation before, “Assuming you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, will you just be working that day?” Draco didn’t know much about the holiday, only that he was getting paid more that day.

“Yeah, I’ll be at the hospital for the night. Probably until four in the morning.”

“Well that sucks. You’ll miss out on the greatest American tradition that is Black Friday,” you chuckled.

“What’s that?” Yet another thing Draco didn’t understand.

“Black Friday is when people fight to the death for a discount on things like appliances and tvs. It’s quite amusing to watch,” you slightly exaggerated. Keyword slightly. Draco had wide eyes as he heard the description. “I’m sorry, to the death?”

With that, you laughed so hard you placed one hand flat against your chest and the other held the table with a tight grip as if you were to fall from your seat. He then realized you actually didn’t mean to the literal death and mentally scolded himself for being so gullible. You continued laughing and he rolled his eyes before chuckling to himself. You leaned back up and wiped some tears underneath your eyes, “Oh my god, I needed that laugh.”

A shiver went up Draco’s spine once he caught a glimpse of your smile. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you smile at all. Before your little argument, you would smile towards him and all the other neighbors all the time. But this never happened before. He looked away from your eyes and tried to find anything else to look at. Tilting his head up, he saw an air conditioning unit. Oh, that’s why.

Small talk ended there with a clear of his throat and proposed to go home. Draco saw how you looked a little disappointed and forced a small, kind smile on your face, “Yeah, it’s getting kinda late and I don’t want to keep my mother waiting. God knows what she’s done to my house while I was gone.” He wasn’t going to keep pressing on the matter as he figured they still weren’t close enough for that. One dinner didn’t make them friends in his book. It wasn’t terrible, though. Maybe he would do it again.

Walking to their own cars, she said “See you around, neighbor,” and got into her car and drove off. He just nodded his head as he always did and drove off as well. They arrived home at the same time and walked inside without looking at each other, thinking that it would just be weird to keep saying goodbye.

—

It was finally Thanksgiving, and Y/B/N and Stephanie were going to be over around three in the afternoon. Your mother was more of a pain than usual, waking you up at six in the morning to do last minute cleaning, grocery shopping, and starting on roasting the ham. The loud argument over ham or turkey in the grocery store the week before lasted for an embarrassing two hours after your mother caved and let you pick the main entree for dinner.

Once you got an hour to yourself, you went to your closet in the hall and grabbed a small glass jar then walked to your backyard for some lavender. You walked to the kitchen for a stick of cinnamon, placed the items on the kitchen counter and walked quickly to your room for something small. Your eyes found a loose ribbon on the floor and grabbed it then went back to the kitchen.

You put all the items into the jar and browsed the kitchen for one more thing. There was a bouquet of flowers on the dining table that your mother bought. Perfect. You grabbed a couple flowers and took the petals to mix in the jar. Once you were done, you chanted to yourself three times:

“Goddess, please take the negativity out of this kitchen.

Replace it with positivity and love. So mote it be.”

You heard your mother waking up from her nap from the guest room and ran into the kitchen to hide the jar somewhere she couldn’t see it. The spell can’t exactly work if she sees something to nag about. She walks in the kitchen and sees you looking suspicious.

She looks at you with squinted eyes - mainly because she had just woken up - but said, “I’m not gonna ask what you’re up to. Can you make the potato salad? I like the way you make it better.” You silently agreed as you looked for the things in the fridge and grabbed a large bowl to mix it in. Your mother walks up to one of the cabinets to grab a pot to boil the potatoes with, only to find the thing you tried to hide. “What’s this, honey?”

You stammered over your words trying to find an explanation before she cut you off, “It’s pretty with all the things in there. You should keep it out.” She placed it beside a photo on the countertop and walked away to fill the pot with water. You were surprised she didn’t ask any further questions. You continued cooking and had a hopeful smile on your face. Maybe it won’t be so bad tonight.

The doorbell rang and you both looked at the clock on the wall. It read 1:55 and you looked at each other in confusion. “Y/B/N must be early,” your mother guessed and went to the door to let him in. The greeting was loud as she greeted him in. You could hear your little brother’s laugh with enthusiasm as he walked into your kitchen, “What’s up, big sis?”

You placed the utensils down and ran up to him with your arms up, “I’ve missed you too, baby brother.” He was much taller than you as he picked you up and hugged you tightly. You slightly swung your legs to give him the signal to let you go. He got his height from your dad, leaving you short thanks to your mother. Your brother had a big smile on his face and you reciprocated the smile. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen each other.

“Oh, lemme introduce you. Steph, c’mere!” He looked over his shoulder and called for the special guest. A beautiful woman with long, chocolate brown hair and doe blue eyes walked next to Y/B/N. “It’s so nice to meet you, I’m Stephanie.” She held her hand out causing you to quickly wipe your hands on your apron. “Hi, I’m Y/N.”

“Y/B/N has told me so much about you. I was so nervous to meet you,” Stephanie admitted with a slight blush on her cheeks. “I wonder what this dummy told you. I bet you I can tell you more embarrassing stories about him,” you jabbed his arm.

“That’s not fair, I didn’t say anything all that bad. You’ll hex me or some shit,” he had his hands up in defense.

“Y/B/N!” Your eyes widened and you laughed nervously, “Don’t listen to him, he’s an idiot.”

Stephanie looked back and forth at the two of you and finally settled on you, waving a hand, “Oh no, that’s okay. I practice, too.” Wait, what? It seemed your mother thought the same exact thing, only out loud. “Yeah, Stephanie also does the same thing you do. Crazy, right?”

Your mother stood shocked before them, not saying anything. Your brother had a smile that wasn’t exactly fitting the situation. Stephanie had a kind smile, and although you were visibly surprised that your little brother’s girlfriend was, of all things, also a Wiccan, you were laughing inside at your mother.

This is gonna be the most interesting Thanksgiving ever.

—

next chp

(っ◔◡◔)っ taglist: @beiahadid @malfoy-styles-wife @fivenightslaughter @juneballoon999 @leydileyla @fangirlanotherjust @originalsoulcollector @opiomancy @lipstickandloveletters @ninacotte @daedric-sorceress @frecklesandfirecrackers

[ninjaslegos]

Hi I don lnow ig you do emergwmcy requrst but if you do mat I requeat a little scenario wgere Kai is helping his s/o with s paniv attack?

I hope you don't mind me using this as an opportunity to project....ahaha...

Breathe With Me

Where you get the comfort you needed today.

Zane's head perks up while he's cooking something in the kitchen. "Someone is approaching the monastery."

Kai pops his head in, "really? That might be (Y/N)..." He smiles at the thought of you; he loved you so much.

"Really? I would've thought they would get here sooner than this. Why are they so late today?"

"Oh, they got a new job at a cafe. They've only been there for a few days, but they learned so quickly, and their boss loves them!" He sighs in admiration, "(Y/N)'s so amazing."

Zane nods with a smile, "you're lucky to have someone like them." He goes back to cooking, but then frowns. "Oh, perhaps that was not them at the door, they're leaving."

Now Kai was confused. "Oh, uh, I guess I'll go find something else to do..." So he waited in his room. You were supposed to get out just before dinner, but that was over an hour ago. He sent you a text a few minutes ago, but you didn't respond, and you didn't pick up when he called just now. Something wasn't right.

"Yeah, they seemed tired today." One of the cashiers from your cafe offered him the information. He went there first, to check in and make sure you weren't still working.

"They were all smiles when talking to customers, but when they went to prepare food, they had this depressed look on their face, like they just wanted to sleep..." Another spoke up.

"Sorry we couldn't be much help..." a waiter apologized, but Kai shook his head.

"No, it's fine. Thanks for your help. I'll see if they're home." He put on a smiley facade, but honestly he was deeply worried for you. By the sound of it, you were anxious about something. Were you being followed around? Stalked by some creepy person? Were you going to be kidnapped? He had to see you right away.

He approached your steps carefully, fearful that you wouldn't be there. "...(Y/N)?" He reached for the handle, but the door was already open a crack. Was your house broken into? He came running towards the living room of your house at the sound of loud crying and choking; someone was hurting you!

So...why were you just curled up alone on the ground? You weren't bleeding, and there wasn't anything out of order, you were just sobbing with your coat carelessly tossed off to the side. You held your head like you were in pain, and your eyes were screwed shut. "(Y/N)?" He whimpered, scared to touch you. You'd never acted like this before, and you didn't even respond to his voice, like you always did.

He kneeled down beside your head and put one hand on your shoulder, using the other to scoot under your head to act like a pillow so you weren't lying against the hard wood. Instead of calming down like he thought you would, you reacted harshly; launching upwards and scuttling backwards clumsily. "Don't touch me, don't touch me!" You screamed, panting the whole time.

"Woah, woah," he held up his hands, "it's just me, it's me, (Y/N), it's Kai." He watched your eyes flick around in a panic, as you tried to recognize him through blurry vision. "Talk to me, what's going on?"

"I can't - I-I don't-" you started coughing as you choked on your own spit, then you inhaled deeply, trying to speak clearly though your tears and stuttering. "I-I - guh - d-the w-w-work - they-"

He tried to help you along. "Did something happen to you at work?" He reached out his hand tentatively, but felt relieved when you feebly grabbed it in your shaking ones. He was making progress.

You nodded rapidly, trying to calm down finally. He didn't know what was happening, but he'd heard of people acting like this when they had breakdowns or panic attacks. You were already in pretty bad shape, and he didn't want to make it worse, so he left all the decisions to you in yes or no answers, and didn't press you to answer him right away. "Do you want to talk about it now?" You shook your head. "Maybe later, then?" He waited patiently as you kept crying, trying to think properly, until you nodded. Good; whatever this was, you had to get it off your chest. "I'm going to give you space by sitting on the couch. You can join me if you want, is that okay?" You wiped your nose on your sleeve and shook your head, before reaching your arms out.

He knew that gesture well, as while it was normally from you pouting, he knew it was much more important this time. "Okay, come here, sweetheart." Usually he called you babe, or baby, but right now you needed something more loving. "I got you." He wrapped his arms around you and picked you up, letting you wrap yours around his neck and your legs around his waist. It was a short walk to the couch, and he settled down with you on top of him, petting your hair soothingly and rubbing your back in comforting motions.

He didn't know what else to do, except wait it out. "You know I love you, right? You're so handsome in your fancy work clothes, and you smell like sweet bread and chocolate." You didn't really say anything, so he just started to hum to you. It seemed to help, so he continued until you stopped crying completely. "Do you want me to give you a bath, or do you want me to make you something to eat?"

You nodded and mumbled a sad little 'both'.

"Okay, then," he sits up with you still on him and carries you to the bathroom, where he puts you on the edge of the tub, running the water and putting in a couple squirts of bubble bath. "I promise I'll be back; are cheese and crackers okay? Or do you want pretzel sticks?"

You thought for a moment. "Pretzel." You sniffed, rubbing your nose again.

"Here," he grabs a tissue, "blow," he then throws it out before leaving the room. Maybe on the outside it looked like he was babying you, but obviously you didn't mind. He could especially tell by your lethargic movements, slow decision making, and exhausted eyes. If he didn't show up, you probably would've passed out on the floor after such a stressful day and bad panic attack.

He puts the pretzel sticks on a small plate along with a glass of chocolate milk, then carries them upstairs for you and puts them on the edge of the tub where it's flat and you won't knock anything over. "Are you ready to tell me what happened, or do you want to wait?"

You were already in the tub, your clothes discarded in the corner. You exhaled sharply though your nose while nibbling on a stick, then shrugged. "I guess." You waited for Kai to take his shirt off before he got it wet, then he put shampoo in his hands and worked it through your hair. "This morning I got splashed by a driver because it rained last night, then the moment I got to work, my boss had me prepare food, but I didn't know how to and no one taught me yet, so I was fumbling around while trying to get orders through." You were already starting to tear up again as you recalled your terrible day. "I got yelled at twice for messing up orders, and then my boss got mad at me for something that wasn't my fault." You then sniffled, "yeah I'm good at my job, but I need someone to teach me things before I can do them. And on top of that, when I got switched back to the register, this one guy who was much older than me kept on flirting with me, and wouldn't stop!" You started to openly sob, "he got kicked out after asking for my number for the third time, and once work was finally over, it started raining again, and I forgot my umbrella. I wanted to see you, so I walked all the way to the monastery, but I didn't want you to see me like this, so I left. I didn't want you to think I was burdening you by coming over and crying the whole time."

"Oh, (Y/N)," Kai frowned, putting a hand on your cheek, "you'd never be a burden to me. In fact, I was actually worried for you. I thought you were hurt or kidnapped, and I can't stand the thought of losing you." There's no place for him to kiss you, as you're all soapy, but he would if he could. "I saw you on the floor and I thought the worst had happened to you." He smiles, "hey, hey, don't cry. It's Friday, so we have all weekend to cuddle and watch movies together, if you want. Then I could give you rides to work and back every day, and we can get married soon so no one tries to hit on you, and we could live together so I can care for you after work. Wouldn't that be nice?"

You nod, unable to speak anymore today. "That's okay, I can get you to bed." He helped you out of the bath, toweled you dry, prepped the bed while you brushed your teeth, then fell asleep beside you in your underwear. You would probably be out for a solid 10 hours, but that was fine with him. He held you close to him, whispering sweetly to you as he waited for you to fall asleep first. It didn't take long, and he was quick to follow. He promised to treat you exceptionally well tomorrow, for every little thing you'd gone through today.