#I couldn't even say anything
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tidepoolalgae · 10 months ago
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#literally cannot stop thinking about my grandpa's face the last time i saw him alive#dementia and confusion but he recognized me and was smiling and holding my arm#and my mom was so done with being there#she was literally at the doorway while I was there with his arm still on me#and I had to pull myself away so she wouldn't leave me behind#I thought I was okay with it back then because I was able to be around generally#but now that moment is on repeat and I can't make it stop#I can't help but see his face I can't help but feel his grip on my arm#and I can't help but feel that invisible pull from my mom.. already leaving the room after being there for only 5 minutes#she tells the story all the time.. she had already knelt by his bedside and told him it was okay for him to die#that she'd be okay#but i think of that moment a few days later when we were there and she was leaving and I just followed. like a dog. like an object.#i couldn't say anything I just gently pulled my arm away from him#i cant help but think it was selfish I cant help but see his face#selfish. selfish. selfish. like a dog. like a puppy who wanted food.#like id never be able to get it anywhere else if i didnt follow her out of the room#like I could only consider her but he was looking at me#he was looking at me and then he was dead two days later#and I did want to stay but I couldn't.. my mom wanted to go so I had to go too#I couldn't even say anything#I always bend to her will.. god sometimes i just feel rotten#personal
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inkskinned · 2 years ago
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i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
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transrevolutions · 19 days ago
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expanding on my previous post actually every single oiar employee (including lena) is autistic they all just have different and clashing presentations. that "weird interview" celia and sam were discussing in episode 6? yeah that was just lena attempting to give a poorly-disguised diagnostic test.
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skull-turtle · 8 months ago
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for the LAST TIME, what does "having a crush" even mean
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uncanny-tranny · 1 month ago
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I know for a fact I've talked about the golden records, but I don't care because here is a sample of some of my favourite greetings on those discs
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There is something so vulnerable, precious, and human about sending up pieces of our hearts into space. Even when we know that there may not be anybody out there to hear us, we are still whispering to whomever might listen how much we love them, how much we want to connect. No matter how small the chance is, we're taking it to say that love is real, that we are real.
How is that not something to be in awe over?
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gideonnah · 1 month ago
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uniiiquehecrt · 3 months ago
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Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.
It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.
Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.
The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.
This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.
Actors are not the same as voice actors.
And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.
I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.
People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.
Voice Actors ≠ Actors.
#(i am incredibly passionate about this)#(and seeing celebrity voice actors in what should be a voice actor's role completely burns my buns it doesn't matter WHO it is)#(hemsworth as optimus? someone tell me one good reason why they couldn't get a good v/a to replace mr. cullen properly for the future)#(ben shwartz as sonic? dude literally isn't even a good voice actor OR actor anyways-)#(- A N D jason griffith AND my boy roger craig smith are still RIGHT HERE)#(jason griffith IN PARTICULAR would have pulled back SO many sonic fans that went to watch the film anyways. if not /more/.)#(and on top of that he has the same tonality and energy they tried to force this moshmo to try and emulate anyways so GET THE REAL THING)#(chris pratt as mario? i can at least defend /him/ and say that barring his failure to do a NY accent consistently he wasn't terrible)#(but mario's new voice actor could've been used instead and people would've clearly appreciated that WAY more)#(vanessa hudgens as sunny starscout in mlp g5's pilot movie? literally why. they replace her and hitch's va in the show.)#(don't even get me started on the concept of hiring celebrity singers to do musical theatre roles or not letting musical theatre singers-)#(-dub the celebrity voice actors you just HAD to hire for your film bc you're so worried about not getting enough clout to get ppl in seats#(that you're putting it all in this (1) big name hire bc turns out that you have no faith in your writing ability much less-)#(-animation as a medium.)#(and no before anyone says anything : no this is not me saying that ALL celebrity voice castings are bad.)#(there are some that aren't that bad and others that are actually pretty good.)#(i especially appreciate it when actors are damn well aware they aren't voice actors and try to LEARN from voice coaches-)#(-and/or their va predecessors if applicable.)#(that does not change the fact that the celebrity shouldn't have been hired just because the film wanted to have bragging clout-)#(-oh look at this FAMOUS PERSON we were able to hire — yeah ok. sure wendy. i want to know if this film is quality or not.)#(and 9/10 times the SECOND there is money spent on a non voice actor to voice the main character especially)#(that usually means somewhere along the way animation IS going to get shafted. if not w the animators themselves then in the way of-)#(-the actual animation itself and ESPECIALLY the screenwriting because it's especially been so dogshit lately even before the strike.)#(a celebrity being hired to fill a voice actor's role is such an immediate red flag to me and it is VERY rare that i get to be proven wrong
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jesuis-assez · 26 days ago
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↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 5x04 - The Choice
#chenford#chenfordedit#the rookie#therookieedit#tim x lucy#tim and lucy#lucy x tim#jesuis-assez edits: chenford#They were both hurting so much and longing for the other#the only way they could show how much the other meant to them in that very moment was through a look#Tim poured everything he felt in that look and Lucy mirrored it back just as deeply.#the way Lucy's eyes followed Tim down until she could no longer see him and even then her eyes lingered just a little more.#That's just how they are.#Showing their love through looks and actions#everything they couldn't voice in that moment they communicated with their eyes.#because Tim telling Lucy it's too dangerous was really him saying: I can't risk anything happening to you. I can't lose you.#I don't even have you now and it kills me to be apart from you.#I don't want to imagine what it'd be like without you. Without your presence in my life. And the thing is.. he already knows.#Before her... he's life was in shambles and she came and changed everything for him.#She's been this constant beacon of light and kindness in his life that continues to influence him for the better.#The love of his life.#Just one last look if it is the last thing I see. It'll be you. And your eyes. Your kindness. All that you are & all that you have given me#They held that look for as long as they possibly could before Tim went completely down. They dove into the ocean of each other's eyes#and found something there that was of equal measure.#an understanding of just how important they are to the other.#just how much love was conveyed in a single look of desperation.
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astralhope · 5 months ago
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Yuma beings Astral's main concern even when Astral himself is in danger.
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brainrotisseriechicken · 7 months ago
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hi....scrapped wip again. im rlly not built for color. yap incoming
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sorry my productivity tanked my 7 year old laptop is nearing its final breath and im just stalling buying a new one as long as possible to not violate the boycott but she (laptop) is making this shit DIFFICULT
im gnna be so honest w yall i havent had the drive to do shit all lately like. i need dopamine kicks to function but nothings working for some reason ??? i bought a jjk book and i fucking love jjk so i should be excited but im ??? not????? fucked up how that works
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alwayshinny · 4 months ago
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Harry and Lily Luna 🌸
Whenever Harry got the opportunity to pick up his kids from school, he took it, especially his little Lily Lu. There was something special about the way her face would light up as she sprinted towards him to give him a bone-crushing hug. It made his day so much brighter.
Harry always brought her a flower, and she would act surprised with her hand clasped over her mouth every single time. She always complained she was tired just so she could con Harry into giving her a piggyback ride (let's be honest, she didn't need to try very hard), as she chatted animately the whole way home. Harry listened to every single word and asked her lots of questions to keep her engaged.
They would take the long way home, stop by their favorite cafe, and grab everyone's favorite dessert. Lily's just happened to be treacle tart too, so they would get an extra slice and share it at the cafe just to make sure it still tasted the same, and like always, Lily would tell Harry it's hard to tell with one slice and she needed another one just to make sure. It worked every single time. When they got home, Ginny would cross her arms and give them a look, and within seconds, she got her to admit the truth: "We only had one slice, mommy. Okay, two, MAYBE three… Fine, we had four, but only because we had to make sure it still tasted yummy."
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throne-of-crows · 5 months ago
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Looking through the comments on a tiktok about smalltown boy being on Mike's playlist and it really just hit me how fucking stupid some people are. There were multiple comments saying "or he just likes the song" and comments along the lines of well I like such and such song but I'm not gay.
He's a fictional character. He didn't make the playlist himself. It is not a collection of songs Mike happens to like because he isn't real. To deny that there is any meaning to it by saying that him liking the song doesn't make him gay is the most ridiculous strawman argument I've ever seen.
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Thinking a song about being gay in a small town could possibly indicate that the boy whose playlist this in on (who is living in a small town) is gay apparently is so ridiculous a conclusion to draw it must be satire.
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tekitothemagpie · 2 months ago
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HOW did Stain not run up to him and hug him I don't know.
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The voices he made while crying killed me.
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writeitinsharpie · 1 year ago
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gdi why did the queer video essayist i liked turn out to be a plagerizer
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elvenbeard · 6 months ago
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You're my World
Doesn't matter where we are as long as we're together.
New Pride Flags Makeup (AXL Edition) by @pinkyjulien 💛
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red-winter-is-coming · 1 month ago
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The reasoning behind the Masterminds.
(or, a post I was suppose to make hours earlier but got distracted, explaining Why The Fuck Eight People are second-round Masterminds in an AU)
This will be very.... fic like? Because I feel like it flows better that way!
@smol-creecher anything to add? I'm LOVING your imputs :D
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It wasn't like this was their first choice, being told to run a killing game. Really, they didn't know what they were signing up for until it was far too late.
XF-Ture Tech approached them, one at a time. They were vulnerable, grieving the death of their classmate, the one who held them together.
They were offered something they wanted so desperately in their heart, that they signed a contract, signing their soul away for any one favor of XF-Ture's choosing.
They looked at Min, their prize student, the one who they could easily convince with one conversation: 'If you do this for us, you can be free. We'll find you a well paying job, one you can pick out, doesn't that sound nice?'
They found Rose, lost in her rotten world. 'We can get you out of here, give you your freedom back, get you home, if only you sign this paper.'
Eden and Whit, perhaps two of the kindest in their class left, were offered a very simple deal: 'Do you want a distraction from Mai?'
They tracked David down, giving an offer he wouldn't refuse. 'Come with us, and you will never need to keep up this front again.'
Charles, ever the loner, was offered a deal more simple then the others. 'Give us one favor, and we'll net you a high paying and comfortable job, and all the answers you're seeking.'
Ace and J, stuck in their own lives, wishing to get free, were offered just that. 'Come with us, and we'll get you out of there. Come with us, and you won't need to bother with your mother, or your job ever again.'
Stupid deals to make? In hindsight, yes. But they were nineteen years old, and mourning one of the few good people they ever knew.
They really should've said no.
The first few weeks were fine, amazing, even. They got warm food, a place to sleep, and they had each other for company. They spent their days exploring the huge building XF-Ture kept them in, as they found new hobbies to pass the time.
Then, they were called in to redeem the favor.
Run a death game until only you are left, XF-Ture told them, Run these games perfectly for freedom.
Really, had they all been together, instead of leading separate games, maybe they would've succeeded. Certainly, things like Charles almost getting brained after the second trial, or J's most hidden secret getting out to the worst person, wouldn't have happened.
They excuse their failure to kill their remaining classmate as weakness. They say it was too soon after Mai.
They couldn't let XF-Ture know how much most of them cared for the classmate in their group.
In the end, all of them defied their one final order: Kill everyone else in the game.
Failure meant death, and they were walking closer towards it at every moment.
So, when the higher executives came to them, and told them to fix their mistake of leaving people alive, they asked for one more chance. A chance where they'll be killed at the end, if they even make it there. Maybe, just maybe, with a little more time, and the ability to plan together, they'll find a way out.
Sure, things aren't going... as smoothly as planned. Nico's memory wipe didn't work, so now they're onto Ace. Rose is struggling to do anything, David has started arguments with everybody & has a HUGE target on his back, Min lost a hand, and Charles is worried about what the survivors might do.
But they bounced back before, and they'll bounce back again. (provided that Charles doesn't die, then they'll be fine. Whit's one of the glues holding them together and if his one lifeline gets cut, it'll spiral from there.)
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