#Showing their love through looks and actions

[copperhawks]

You're not the first person to make this comparison on this post, but when I wrote this, I hadn't done a re-read of SOTL yet (and the last time I'd read In the Hand of the Goddess was... a LONG time ago, so I couldn't really make a good comparison between these two scenes), but I have now and I've been sort-of thinking this over and have some thoughts on it.

For me, this isn't so much an indication of them being similar so much as it is just an unusually similar narrative beat. A character chooses to disobey an order about not crossing a border during a war in order to go save someone who has been captured and, in so doing, takes out a major antagonist that leads to the end of the war.

But the MOTIVES behind the two actions seem very different to me. Jon goes to save Alanna because he's in love with her and can't bear to lose her. Kel goes to save the refugees because she's responsible for them and takes that extremely seriously. She does CARE about the people, obviously, it's still being done out of love, but she's not doing it because she can't stand to live without them so much as that she's INSANELY duty-driven. She goes up to save Lalasa for similar reasons after being told that a noble's duty to their servants is basically sacrosanct. Kel goes across the border because she believes it's the honorable thing to do. Jon's motives aren't about honor and are, arguably, somewhat more selfish in origin.

So while this is obviously a very similar storyline, I don't find that it's an example of these two characters being similar to each other.

Kel is willing to give up EVERYTHING out of a sense of duty to the people she's responsible for. While Jon is someone who does a LOT of things for his people and spends a lot of his time and energy making life better for them, I can't recall a moment where Jon is ready to give up everything he wants and everything he's worked for just to save his people. Jon actually tells Kel in Squire that he and Thayet work pretty hard to keep themselves OUT of that kind of danger whenever possible, that's the point behind all of the compromises. All of the arranged marriages for his kids are to try to ensure peace through political connections and stop fighting in wars.

This is where they DO differ because Kel feels like someone who, at least at this point in her life, is willing to die to protect her people. But Jon is someone who will do whatever it takes to LIVE for his people for as long as possible. Jon understands that, in his position, it's more beneficial for everybody for him to make compromises in order to stay alive so he can keep making changes that will make people's lives better in the long run. This is a lesson that, while we do see Kel LEARNING it a little during Lady Knight, isn't one that really plays into the final conflict of the book. It's possible that Kel will end up being even more like Jon in this way as she gets older, more willing to stay back herself and trust others to do what needs to be done in her place, but by the end of Lady Knight, that just isn't who she is yet.

And maybe that's what's interesting about the comparison. Kel isn't all that much like Jon YET, and she's certainly not all that much like Jon when HE was 19, but Kel shows signs of being a lot more like Jon as he is during HER series as she gets older and gains more experience. Kel is very righteous, very inclined to just act and get things done, but over the 9 years we get to know her, she has to learn more and more about when to act and when to WAIT. She has to learn when to push and when to bend a little.

As a woman, she's going to be held to different standards than her male counterparts like Raoul or Wyldon, she'll be dealing with different limitations and setbacks than they ever did. And so her approach to leadership will, by necessity, have to be different than theirs was. She does look to them for inspiration, but in execution, I think she'll likely end up far more like Jon. Jon is obviously not a woman himself, but as King he's ALSO held to different higher standards than his compatriots and he was very young when he took the throne and has been very progressive throughout his reign which means he's dealing with certain limitations and setbacks that more conservative people might not.

Kel has strong opinions and firm ideas of what the world SHOULD be like, and that's going to lead her down a similar path of trying to CHANGE things, but she'll be dealing with all of the same limitations that Jon is, which will force her to approach things the way he does. She's going to have to compromise, she's going to have to bend, she's going to have to learn when a fight is worth having, she's going to have to learn to give a little in order to get a little later.

Kel would probably not have crossed the border for just one person. If it had been Neal, for example, and Neal alone, she may not have decided to take that risk. Neal is a trained knight like herself and probably won't thank her for giving up everything to come save him. Kel could probably have been convinced not to cross the border for him, as much as it would've pained her. And Jon I think would not necessarily give up everything to save a few hundred people the way Kel did, even though it would pain him to have to make that choice.

Kel IS like Jon and will likely become even more so as she ages, but crossing the border just isn't one of those places where their similarities are showcased to me.

The funniest thing to me about Kel, and maybe one of the most interesting because of how understated it is, is that Kel becomes a good commander in the end, not by emulating Wyldon who was cold and implacable and insensitive, or by emulating Raoul who mostly only disobeys orders out of principle or because he has an issue with what the order says about his personal relationship with Jon, but by emulating JON.

Kel doesn't even LIKE Jon, she BARELY respects him as a person. He's a good enough ruler that she's willing to fight for him and swear loyalty to him and to at least mostly believe that he wouldn't work with Blayce to make his own killing monsters, but that's as far as it goes for Kel. If he's kind to her, she finds it uncomfortable and almost untrustworthy because she assumes he doesn't care about her and so his kindness and respect towards her must be fake.

But from the outside, as readers, we know just how much Jon fought for Kel. We know how much he does respect her right to be a knight. Jon is the sole reason that Kel DID get the opportunity to prove herself, if he'd capitulated to Wyldon completely, she just wouldn't have ever been allowed to join. Kel doesn't KNOW THAT, obviously, but we do. We know that Jon did everything he could to find a way to convince Wyldon to let Kel become a page. While Wyldon claims later that the reason he chose to let her stay at the end of the probation year was because his better judgment convinced him she'd earned it, I'd be willing to bet that part of that better judgment also included knowing if he couldn't prove to JON that she needed to go, then he'd be in trouble. Kel was training and working in front of plenty of other trainers and teachers who could easily contradict Wyldon's lies if he'd tried it, many of whom are closer to Jon than they are to Wyldon.

Kel's experiences and feelings about that experience are entirely valid, and she doesn't have the knowledge we do about how hard Jon fought for her, so it's not shocking that she's upset with him for a good portion of her series. She never even discovers this truth by the end of her series, even though she does get a lesson from Jon and Thayet (and Raoul to some degree) about how politics and compromises work in order to make changes happen. So her opinion of him by the end is boiled down to the quote from Squire: "good kings weren't always good men." It makes sense for her to think this, but because Kel's knowledge base is so limited (and her worldview so black and white for much of her series), it makes her an EXTREMELY unreliable narrator about this particular issue.

Kel believes that while Jon generally does his duty and keeps the peace, he doesn't actually care all that much about his people as individuals. But in their only meaningful conversation in Squire, Jon is able to point out that he (and Thayet, who is actually equal to Jon in power, something Kel either doesn't know which would be a failure in her education or just tends to ignore so she can focus her ire on Jon) has to make a LOT of compromises in order to get ANYTHING useful done at all. Sometimes, often, it means making deals with people he doesn't like or people he just fundamentally disagrees with, because it's the first step in a multi-step plan to help more people in the long run. He also points out that just throwing his weight and authority around in order to be able to change everything he wants to change immediately regardless of what anyone else thinks about it is a great way to get himself and his family killed. Because even if he had good intentions, that would be tyranny. It does make Kel think a little, but she doesn't tend to like him much still afterwards, her resentment from her page years will always color her opinion of him a little.

However, then she gets to Haven and she's suddenly tossed into a position of leadership over a lot of other people, many of whom disagree with each other or disagree with her or both. And all of the sudden, Kel has to make compromises. She doesn't LIKE the way the sergeants often treat their men, especially the sergeants whose men are convicts, but there's very very little she can do about it without really pissing off those same sergeants and that's not something she can afford to do. There's a moment when Neal starts getting frustrated about the treatment of the convicts and she takes him out to vent to her so he doesn't vent to the sergeants, something that the sergeants would then take out on their men. Kel's reasoning as she does this is that she "preferred to avoid battles with them now so she would have authority with them later if she needed to use it." Later, Kel is talking to Daine and she says "That's all this job is... Trying to please everyone and pleasing no one. And it will only get worse, not better."

Both of these moments showcase Kel choosing to make compromises. She may not like the way the sergeants treat the convicts, but she needs to stay on the sergeants' good sides because she doesn't have enough resources to butt heads with them nor enough authority to just force the issue, and even if she DID, it could cause the sergeants to become troublesome or take out their frustration with her on the men in ways she can't see as well. But staying on the sergeants' good sides might mean letting some of their maltreatment slide if it's not physically harming the convicts. And even setting that aside, she's dealing with nearly 500 refugees eventually, all of which are from different towns in the area and have different needs, not all of which she can accommodate. This requires compromise. Sometimes she can please some of them and not others, but mostly she probably just ends up not pleasing anybody because that's often how compromises WORK.

She never makes the active connection to Jon and his lesson on leadership from Squire while she's in Haven, but that quote up there about how this job (aka being a commander) is all about trying to please everyone and pleasing no one? It sounds a HECK of a lot like "good kings weren't always good men." You can try your best to help others, but often doing the right thing can involve making everyone unhappy. You can't be everybody's friend if you're going to get anything done.

Some of this she might've learned from Raoul's style of command, but Raoul commands a fairly small amount of people (at least in comparison to a King), and so we see him able to be pretty friendly to the people he commands in a way that Jon is perhaps unable to do. And she might believe that she learned some of this from Wyldon, but Wyldon had a tendency to be very unfair and biased due to his raging bigotry and conservative values, as well as the fact that he doesn't actually even LIKE being a training master and that likely impacted the way he treated the pages (he's almost never that kind to the pages, whereas we see him capable of being quite kind with the refugees later, which is where Kel comes to the conclusion that he hadn't enjoyed being a training master).

But Jon makes an entire speech about how he (and Thayet) have been working THEIR ENTIRE REIGN to change laws that help people. He explains how they have to consider the needs of merchants, nobles, farmers, street people, priests/priestesses, and mages. They have to consider not only what these people might need or want, but also what they could do when they feel sufficiently offended and how that could impact not just the royal family or the nobility but the realm as a whole. Jon points out that they HAVE made changes, for the better, and that just because they don't always succeed at everything or because they have to compromise sometimes, doesn't mean they aren't working at making changes or that they don't care about helping people. Not everyone you have power over is going to be your friend, they might not even be someone you like. But if you're going to take on the job of leadership, that's something you have to be willing to accept and work with, which often means making compromises with people whose needs and values are contradictory to your own.

Jon probably knows when he makes the compromise with Wyldon that it will likely impact a lot of people's good opinion of him. Alanna is right there and clearly angry, and we know Thayet doesn't like the decision, either. And it's entirely possible that Jon knows in the moment that Kel herself will put the blame on him because he's the King. But he also knows that if he insists on Kel being allowed to be a page without trying to compromise with Wyldon, Wyldon will quit over it and he'll end up with ten DIFFERENT problems that could cause a lot bigger issues to far more people than just one girl. So he makes the compromise. He sacrifices Alanna and Thayet and even Kel's good opinion of him in order to ensure that Kel gets the opportunity to become a Knight without turning all of his nobles against him which could ultimately lead to a civil war. Is it fair? No, and he knows it. But it's the best option he has in order to get the outcome they all actually want which is just for Kel to have the chance to prove herself.

Kel has to make similar choices once she's finally in a position of leadership of her own. And whether she realizes it or not, without ever even spending more than a few minutes with Jon, she ends up emulating his leadership style more than anybody else's because it WORKS and it works WELL. She'll probably never admit it, she might never even realize it herself, but she's so much more like Jon than any of the other men she sees as role models. And I love that. I love the dramatic irony of that, that the one person Kel only barely respects because of a compromise he made on her behalf that she'll never even know about, is the person Kel ends up most resembling. Jon is the reason she has the opportunity to become the Protector of the Small in the first place, Jon is the person who created that environment that allowed her to nurture those values, and she'll probably never even really be able to acknowledge that, because sometimes that's what being a good leader means.

[lvis44]

Talk To Me // LH44

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warnings: SMUT 18+ (Minors DNI), Angst, Mostly unestablished relationship, Unprotected Sex (wrap it before you tap it), Alcohol, Not edited

Word Count: 9.6k+

Summary: It's hard to know what someone else is thinking when you don't let them into your own thoughts, but Lewis will certainly show you exactly what's on his mind If you let him.

Notes: Lmao so my poll was pointless, here's all of it all at once! My little fingers were flying tonight! Some fluff, some angst, some smut, followed by some more fluff, just what we all love. I don't have much to say about this one other than ENJOY! I'll be working on a one shot based on that stupid little gladiator fit, the outfit did nothing for me but THE ARMS AND THE FACE??? best believe we need a lil something based on that. Love y'all!!!

I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx

“I’m so sorry I have to cut this short hun.” Lewis said as he wiped his mouth across the table, his eyes truly apologetic.

“I’m just glad I got to see you for a few minutes while you were here.” You said softly, your heeled foot brushing his calf under the table, your words coming out much shyer than your actions.

It wasn’t that you and Lewis were new to each other, far from it. You had met him at the beginning of his season and now here he was, just a few weeks away from moving to Ferrari. Every break he had he’d made time to see you, yet he’d been a perfect gentleman the entire time. Yes, the pet names were laid on in excess and the touches had begun to linger a few months ago but you were becoming restless for more. You really couldn’t blame yourself when he had the audacity to sit across the table from you looking so incredible, being so sweet every time he suggested you get together. Yes, you may have turned him down at first but this was getting ridiculous, there's no way you two were not on the same page.

“I don’t want to cut anything short, I wish I could stay, I really do,” He paused as he reached forward to grab your hand, “but I have a red carpet in like two days and I have to meet with Eric.”

“Mmm,kay” you huffed out infantly.

“Nah, don’t do that, I’ll see you before I head out, I promise.” He smirked at your attitude, squeezing your hand.

“So you don’t have any time for a pretty girl in between dinner and Eric?” You asked, attempting to layer the sultry and lust in your voice as you let your foot wander higher.

“Y/N.” His voice came out strained but stern, his strong hand grabbing your leg, “I cut it close by even getting dinner with you tonight, just couldn’t stay away.”

“So it sounds like I win over Eric.” You giggled, leaning forward on the table, your calf still in his strong palm.

“Don’t do this to me,” He groaned, “Listen I can leave the tab open, just don’t go home with anyone unless you’re calling me.”

“What if I call you in like 10 minutes?” you giggled again, his hand snaking up your calf despite how composed he was trying to stay.

“Y/N.” He warned, his voice low but his hand never ceasing its exploration.

“Well you go have fun with business things I guess, I’ll be here enjoying the atmosphere and free drinks, as long as I end my night with you.” You told him with a laugh as he stood up, dropping your leg abruptly, no amusement to be shown on his face.

“Not so sure you know what you just asked for baby girl, enjoy the drinks, I’ll send you a car.” Lewis whispered, bent down so only you could hear, making your stomach flip, finishing with a kiss to your cheek.

You watched as his muscular body moved away, staring at him intently as he told the host something while looking directly at you. Through the rest of the evening you enjoyed free drinks while sat with the best view, you listened as the dinner atmosphere turned into a club yet no one disrupted you unless they were refilling your drink. You were happily buzzed and seconds later your phone was buzzing just as much as you were.

“I couldn’t just send a car…” His sultry British accent came over the speaker.

“Are you saying you’re outside to pick me up sir?” You teased him.

“Of course baby, c’mon before I hire someone to drag you out.” He chuckled

“She came in with Lewis Hamilton but he didn't leave with her”

“Heard he's been seeing some woman on the east side.”

“He can't even convince us he likes his car, why would he like her”

The laughter of the girls that were probably too young to be there anyway stuck in your chest. A 15 year olds opinion didn’t matter right? But then again they see the tabloids and you avoid them…

By the time you’re out of the restaurant and into Lewis' car you find yourself in a foul mood, your happy buzz turning into a sad drunk imagining everything he could have done in the last few hours.

“You okay love?” He asks as you plop into the passenger seat, not even waiting for him to see you and open it up for you.

“Mmmm.” You humm, still stupidly in your head.

“Y/N, what’s going on? I’m so sorry I had to leave but-” Lewis starts his argument as he pulls onto the freeway.

“You do whatever you want, Lewis.” You say sharply,

“Woah, where did that come from?” Lewis asks, sharp but inquisitive.

“I should have known you were too good for me, my lew was just a fucking phase. All the damn teenagers in the restaurant knew it… you went and got fucked by someone else, I get it, i made you wait, you’re you, you’re a playboy and I guess-” You try to rant before his hand is against your mouth

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He asks, finally letting your mouth free with a look of pure confusion.

“What am I talking about? Where the hell did you go tonight? What are all those girls talking about?” You ask him sharply.

“Y/N, I went and saw Eric, I told you that. And are you talking about the teenage girls trying to get drinks at the bar?” His voice is firm before turning to further confusion.

“Yes Lewis, I am, they had lots to say as I left.” You try to keep your voice firm but it ends up sounding childish as you slump into your seat, crossing your arms across your chest.

“Y/N, those girls are like 15 years old and probably drunk for the first time in their lives, they were trying to drunkenly flirt with me when I left as if that isn’t a damn felony. Why the hell are you listening to anything they have to say?” His voice is incredulous, unable to process that the night has taken them to this point.

“Well you’re not denying a word they said right now, are you?” You throw back at him.

“I honestly didn’t think I had to!” He exclaims, still in disbelief.

You let out a scoff, turning to look out the window.

“Y/N, c’mon, I had a meeting with Eric, one that I was late to so I could make time to see you, I’m here to pick you up so I can spend more time with YOU. Why the hell would I be off with someone else?” His voice is firm but still holds a faint questioning tone.

“I don’t know, I’m evidently not good enough for you, I don’t even know how or why I caught your attention in the first place. I don’t even know what the hell it is that we’re doing. You haven’t even kissed me Lewis! I constantly feel like an idiot, I sit here wanting you to fuck me and the most I get out of you is you calling me ‘baby’.” You let all of your thoughts come out, against your better judgment, slumping against your seat with a huff.

He is quiet for a moment, stunned to silence. He is struggling between keeping his eyes on the road and staring at you in utter disbelief, a look you would see if you had the guts to steal a glance at him.

“I- I honestly don’t even know where to start…” He says quietly, trailing off.

“You know I’m right, that's why you don't know what to say.” You state as if it's a fact, a sassy quip in your tone as you shrug your shoulders, a sassiness that only comes out after some drinks.

He so badly wants to laugh, not only at your unusual sassiness but at just how ungodly wrong you are, but he knows that he can’t, that he shouldn’t, it would only make everything worse. Instead he does his best to stay firm.

“Sweetheart, no, you couldn’t be further from right. I adore you, I’m just…” He sighs, trying to find the way to explain his feelings without sending you further over the edge, “I’m trying to be a gentleman here, I’m trying to do things a little different than I normally would. I’m out of practice with this whole romance thing and I know that you were skeptical of it at first too. I don’t want to rush you, I just love being around you.”

You scowl at being called out, knowing he’s right, you were very skeptical when you first met him, not convinced that being anything other than an acquaintance of a man of his caliber was a smart idea. You don’t dwell on it though, the liquor in your brain deciding to latch on to something else, ‘he just loves being around you’, there it is, you’re friends.

“So you’re not attracted to me?” You almost whine, if you were sober you would be embarrassed at how it came out but you can’t find it in you to care right now.

“Where the hell did you get that?” He asks, this time he can’t hold back the chuckle.

“You literally just said that you just love being around me.” You point out, still clearly not understanding much of what he said.

“Yes, and I do, how does that translate to me not being attracted to you?” He questions, a small smirk on his face as he notices that your mood is switching slightly from angry to bratty.

“You said JUST, meaning that’s all you want.” You challenge him, reading far too much into his words.

“Y/N, I also said I’m trying to be a gentleman with you and not rush you because of your feelings and boundaries.” He says calmly as he keeps his eyes on the road, trying not to get irritated with the beautiful tipsy woman next to him.

“Well how long were you planning on being a gentleman because I’ve been wanting you to fuck me for about six months now.” You say boldly.

His eyes go wide as he chokes on his own spit, not used to you being so blatant. The two of you flirt, things have gotten suggestive between you two more often than not, but you so boldly admitting something like that is new territory for him. He has to take a moment to gather himself before speaking.

“I- I didn’t know that,” He admits, his voice low, “I honestly thought you had just barely warmed up to the idea of us being more than friends.”

“What about my foot on your crotch tonight seemed like I still wanted to be just your friend?” You laugh in disbelief, slightly unsure if you are bad at putting yourself out there or if he is that bad at reading signs.

“Well yeah, tonight was pretty clear what you wanted, and to be honest I was going to give you exactly that after my meeting, it’s why I picked you up! I’ve been going crazy trying to go slow!” He exclaims.

“Was?” You question quickly.

“What?” He asks, blinking in confusion.

“You said was.” You point out.

“Oh jeez, not this again Y/N.” He huffs, ready for you to be mad at him for a whole new reason.

“No no no, you said ‘was going to give you exactly that’. You don’t want to fuck me anymore?” You pout as you question him.

He once again has to take a moment to gather himself, still unsure how to handle your unabashedness. 

“No, I do! In the future, yes, and I will if you’ll let me, but you got in this car ready to cut my head off or at the very least never speak to me again, I kinda thought that the flirty mood from dinner had gone out the window.” He tries to explain as you near his house. With the argument he hadn’t even taken a moment to consider that maybe he should be dropping you at yours instead.

“So not tonight?” You huff.

“No Y/N, probably not tonight.” He says quietly, a hint of disappointment lingering in his words as he pulls into his driveway.

“Why are we here then?” You ask, unsure of what to do now.

“Just come inside for a bit, you can sleep in the guestroom if you want or I can call you a car later if you really want, but I don’t think this conversation is really done.” He coaxes you, undoing his seatbelt and turning to look at you.

“I feel like I’ve made my points.” You shrug, staying firmly seated in your spot.

This time he truly can’t help but laugh at you, getting out of the car and making his way to your door.

“Well maybe I haven’t made all of mine.” He says as he stands in the doorframe, his hand extended to help you out of the car.

You don’t say anything, choosing to stare straight ahead as the brattiness really sets in.

“Y/N, if you don’t get out of the car on your own I won’t hesitate to pick you up myself, c’mon.” His voice is slightly teasing but you can hear how serious he is.

Finally you sigh in defeat, grabbing his hand to step out of the car. You hate that the second you feel his skin on yours your whole body warms. Tingles go down your spine and everything feels just right, you’re meant to be holding his hand, you’re meant to be so much more than just friends, but right now you’re mad at him, so you do your best to shake it off. You’re confident that you played it cool but he could see the feelings from a mile away, the same warmth enveloping him the moment you placed your smaller hand in his. He would normally tease you, but right now he knows not to muddy the waters, he needs you to actually listen to him when he gets you inside. You snatch your hand back from him once you are standing, watching awkwardly as he grabs your purse and closes the car door before gesturing for you to head towards his house. You feel like a lost puppy, obeying his commands but you can’t help it, your bratty mood only has so much strength. When you get inside you feel out of place, despite having been there many times. You can’t explain exactly why you feel so bizarre about it, maybe it’s that you’re finally sobering up and starting to realize that you still have many doubts, maybe it’s that you’re sobering up and realizing exactly what you accused him of in the car, maybe it’s that you’re sobering up and really becoming aware that you blatantly told the man you wanted him to fuck you, regardless of what it is you would rather not be sober right now. The tension hanging in the air as he puts his jacket away is weighing on you like a heavy snow, you want him to put you out of your misery and break the silence but he doesn’t. Instead he just moves towards the kitchen, leaving you to follow him aimlessly. He grabs a glass from the cupboard as you wander over to his wine cooler, ready to make your selection for the talk you're about to have. Before you can even take in the selections you feel his hands on your waist, guiding you away and toward the kitchen island.

“Nope, I think you’ve had enough, sit.” He says firmly in your ear as he just about places you on a bar stool.

You don’t say anything, just watch as he makes his way back to the other side of the island, filling the glass he’d just taken out with water before he’s sliding it in your direction.

“I’m not thirsty.” You say, staring at the glass in front of you.

“You wanted wine about 20 seconds ago.” He deadpans, calling you out with a raise of his eyebrow.

“You know damn well that's not why I wanted the wine.” You shoot back at him, “You said you had points to make, go ahead.” You prompt him, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible.

He sighs, his shoulders slumping as he shakes his head and a look of amusement creeps its way onto his face. He takes a moment, just staring at you, taking you in and you start to feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

“Y/N, I don’t know what else to do.” He admits, sounding defeated.

You don’t respond verbally, furrowing your brow in confusion as you cock your head.

“I know we got to a… I guess a better place, back in the car, but I still don’t think you actually get it.” His voice is quiet, he sounds vulnerable.

This is unusual for you, you’re not used to Lewis being anything other than charming and cocky, to see him look defeated, vulnerable, it makes your stomach twist.

“I don’t get what?” You ask quietly, suddenly feeling slightly guilty.

“Hun, I try so hard. I don’t have enough time, and I know that, and I’m sorry for that, but I do my very best to see you as much as I physically can. When I’m away I try to not let a day go by where I don’t at least text you much less call you. I do stupid things with my schedule if it means I get to spend a few extra minutes with you. We’ve talked about things far deeper and greater than anything I’ve ever told my closest friends. I try to make every time I see you special because I know I’m not around for the casual moments and I have to be honest, most of that I’m not even doing for you. I’m doing it for myself because you are one of the most incredible women that I’ve ever met and I would kick myself if I let you fall through my fingers, yet here I am and it seems like I’ve done just that.” His eyes bore into yours as his words flow out freely, clearly unashamed about his feelings.

“I know you try hard, I never said you didn’t.” You say quietly, feeling almost like a child getting reprimanded after a tantrum.

“I know you didn’t say it, but I can’t help but feel it when you get in my car after a good night and immediately make it very clear that you don’t trust me.” He says firmly, his gaze never leaving yours.

“I do trust you.” You say, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Then why are you listening to drunk kids in a bar gossiping about things they know nothing about? Why don’t you tell me what you want with me? Things like the fact that apparently you’ve wanted to fuck me for the last six months? Why didn’t you tell me you were starting to maybe feel differently about this whole relationship after making it very clear that I didn’t have a shot?” His questions pour out in a way that makes your stomach knot, knowing he’s right to question all of it.

“I was drunk.” You answer meekly, hoping answering one question will be enough.

He lets out a dry laugh, “Okay, we’ll write that one off. What about the rest of it, Y/N?”

“It scares the shit out of me.” You admit so quietly you’re not sure he can hear as you stare at the glass of water in front of you.

“Admitting it to me or being with me?” He questions, his voice much softer now.

“All of it.” You say, feeling tears forming in your lash line.

“Explain it to me hun, because from where I am, we have a pretty amazing thing here if we just lean into it.” He says, so softly it could make you burst.

“I spend every day questioning not only why but hell if you’re even attracted to me. I know you have a billion other options so I don’t understand why you keep coming back, I’m afraid I’m just fun for you but then I think about it and I realize I’m not even your fun! We’re in wildly different worlds and I don’t even know how anything would ever work. I worry that you won’t be able to actually commit to anything. I worry that I’m the only one here feeling like this and I’m terrified of looking stupid and I’m terrified of losing the little bit of you that I have.” You rant, your tears now slipping past your lashes.

His face immediately softens when he sees your tears, quickly stepping around the island to get closer to you. He grabs the back of your chair, turning you to face him.

“Y/N, baby, I need to remind you that the very day we met, I point blank asked you out and you turned me down,” He starts quietly, taking your face in his hands to wipe away your tears as they fall, “I argued that we seemed like a good match and you had the audacity to agree with me but told me that you wanted a man that wasn’t fucking around, wouldn’t toss you to the side when he got busy. You told me that a romance with me sounded dangerous and that wasn’t what you were looking for but I couldn’t let you slip away like that so I asked you to let me prove that I could be that for you.”

You both laugh gently, remembering the first encounter that started all of this.

“I’ve been here trying to prove it to you, trying to be the perfect gentleman that you deserve, trying not to rush you, waiting for you to tell me you were ready. You didn’t say anything until tonight. And no, I’m not an idiot, I saw you starting to flirt more openly with me, I noticed you opening up about things, things becoming more intimate, but I swore I wouldn’t cross that line until the day you told me I could. If it’s just the logistics of it, that’s something we can work out, we’re both pretty smart people, I just need you to be honest with me.” He smiles softly at you, stroking your cheek with his thumb.

“Please kiss me.” You whimper, if your brain wasn’t processing all his words at a thousand miles an hour in the moment you may have cared about how you sounded, but after his speech all you wanted was his lips on yours.

“Is that your official way of telling me I can cross the line? That you’ll actually consider this?” He asks, his face closer to yours but still needing that final confirmation.

“God yes Lewis, I want you, I want to be yours, I want you to be mine, I’m sorry.” You say quickly, grabbing his arms in an attempt to get him closer.

“No need to apologize, beautiful girl.” The words leave his lips softly before they press against yours.

The second you feel his warm lips and their gentle touch, you melt. You feel complete the second he’s kissed you, unsure why you fought it for so long. His grip on your face is steady, grounding, everything you need. He pulls away much too quickly for your liking, keeping the kiss sweet, too PG for what you’re craving desperately. You chase his lips making him release a giggle that only causes you to pout.

“So you approve, huh?” He teases you, his hands coming down to rest on your waist.

“Oh shush, acting like you didn’t love it too.” You say, your pout morphing into a smirk that you can’t contain.

“I didn’t say I didn’t.” He says, leaning back into your lips.

This time he’s slightly less hesitant, his lips moving against yours gently. You can tell he’s holding back still but you're just too pleased to care, only causing excitement of what's to come when he’s less restrained.

“You know, two hours ago you were ready to rail me and now you’re being almost shy with the kisses.” You laugh at him when you finally pull away for air.

“Ssshhh, I’m just getting used to the territory.” He teases you, placing another peck to your lips.

“About that whole you picking me up to bring me back here and ya know…” You trail off, hoping he gets the hint of where you’d like the evening to go.

He lets out a sigh, pinching your hip before speaking, “I know, but not tonight. Just feel like we need to take a second.”

You pout at him again to which he just chuckles, pecking your pout sweetly.

“You’re the one who wanted to take it slow.” He points out.

“You’re the one who told me I was supposed to get laid tonight.” You throw back at him.

“Well you were the one with her foot on my cock.” He says, his eyebrows raised.

You gulp, the word tumbling from his mouth making your stomach coil in a much different way than earlier in the night.

“I-” You start, all the sudden feeling shy.

“Hmmm, cats got your tongue?” He jests.

“Well you were all ready to fuck me tonight but you wouldn’t even kiss me without explicit consent.” You blurt out, trying to call him on his contradiction.

“Fair point, but you were driving me to a new level of insanity at dinner tonight and I thought I was getting the message loud and clear.” He says calmly, leaning back in to kiss you again.

You silently pray that maybe just maybe he’s going back on his word as his lips move against yours, that maybe he’s changed his mind and you’ll end up in his bed tonight, but much to your dismay he pulls away once again despite your attempts to lock him into you with your arms around his neck.

“I could get used to finally being allowed to kiss you.” He smirks.

“You could be doing a whole lot more than that, but no, you’re keeping up the whole stupid gentleman thing.” You say, irritation seeping through your words.

“You told me you wanted a gentleman.” He throws back with an eyebrow cocked, amusement clear on his face.

“Well you proved that part, I want the rest now.” You almost whine, locking your legs around his waist, trying to pull him in. You find yourself annoyed for the first time by how strong he is when he doesn't move, never before being anything other than pleased by the godlike muscles under his skin.

He simply laughs at you, noticing that you're still a tiny bit tipsy, more unrestrained than usual.

“Alright, well you’ve already become a koala, how about I carry you to bed.” He chuckles, finally moving closer to you, only to pick you up.

You feel weightless and safe in his arms, quickly deciding you would let him carry you anywhere forever, a fact that you apparently accidentally state out loud in your still slightly inebriated state.

“Oh yeah? Well you let me know where you want to be carried and I’ve got you babe.” He simply chuckles as he walks toward the guest room, finding your admission endearing. All you can do is hide your blushing face in the crook of his neck.

When he finally plops you down on the mattress of the guest room you manage to pull him down into a kiss once again, one of his hands finding your waist as the other props him up above you. His lips move slower against yours this time, becoming slightly more explorative as you feel his tongue brush against your bottom lip. You open your mouth, welcoming him eagerly, the taste of him on your tongue is intoxicating. You take one last chance at what you’ve been dying for for months, moving your hand down from his neck to slip beneath the button down that is draped over his skin. You take your time to explore the solid ridges of muscle bulging beneath soft skin, you can imagine every tattoo that your hand brushes against but you wish nothing more than to actually see them. You can’t help but moan into his mouth when you feel his grip on your waist tighten as you touch him. The sound does something to him, you can feel his whole body tense beneath your touch as you make your way to his back, raking your nails lightly down the skin.

“Please Lew, want you so bad.” You whisper against his lips.

He pulls away from you with such urgency that you're convinced he’s about to say no again. He stands tall next to you, staring at you for a moment, just taking in the sight before him. You're laid on his guest bed, your hair strewn against the pillows with your short cocktail dress riding up your thighs. He pauses for a moment, closing his eyes, you wish for nothing more than to know what he’s thinking at that moment.

“Fucking hell,” He sighs and you begin to accept defeat, “yeah, okay, yeah, I can’t act like I’m not dying here anymore, but not here.”

You feel giddy the moment you hear his words, not processing what he meant by ‘not here’ until you're being scooped up bridal style, taking you by surprise.

“Lewis, we were in a bed.” You laugh, leaning in to place soft kisses against his neck that have him faltering in his steps.

“Yeah we were, but mine is much better and if this is happening you’re staying with me for the night.” He states as calmly as he can despite the tension flowing through his body.

It's a short walk before you’re once again being placed on a bed and you have to admit he was right, his bed is much better. You whine when you feel him move away making him laugh at just how needy you are.

“Patience baby girl, gotta find a light so I can see just how amazing you look when I make you cum.” His voice is teasing but serious, making your body flood with anticipation.

Within seconds he’s flicked on a warm light, a lamp by the side of his bed, just enough so you can see him as he stands next to you finishing undoing the last few buttons of his shirt. Your mouth goes dry when he shrugs it down his shoulders and you become nervous at how you might react to seeing him fully naked. It’s not that you haven’t seen Lewis shirtless before, it’s the knowledge that now you get to touch him, you know that his skin will very soon be pressed against yours, and it's driving you insane. You reach out toward him, your hand finding the skin just above his pants before he grabs your wrist.

“What did I just say Y/N?” He says lowly as he moves over you once again, “patience.”

“Been waiting so long Lewis, I don’t have any left.” You whine, your hips bucking up towards him when he presses a kiss just below your ear.

“Mmmm,” He hums through a chuckle before his voice turns thoughtful, “how do you think i feel? Been waiting a hell of a lot longer sweet girl. I gotta savour this.”

His lips tracing your neck are teasing, just enough contact to make you squirm but not enough to satisfy the carnal need brewing inside of you. His hands feel larger than ever before as they trace over your body, groping you in spots you never knew would emit such a reaction from you. He hasn't even taken off your dress yet and he has you a whimpering mess, your hands grasping onto his bare torso. You can feel the smirk of satisfaction on his face as he kisses down your throat, his hands finally reaching for the straps of your dress.

“Do you step in or is there a zipper?” He suddenly asks, taking you by surprise as he pulls away for a moment.

“Huh?” You shake your head, trying your best to come out of the absolute daze he had just put you in.

“Your dress.” He clarifies, not that it helps you any.

“Yeah? What about it?” You ask again, eager to have his lips on you again and still not fully back in your brain.

He smiles, laughing lightly as he shakes his head, “Your dress, did you just step into it or is there a zipper I need to find. It’s so pretty, don’t wanna ruin it.” His hands are massaging your hips as he speaks, not doing much to help you actually process his question.

“Um, there’s a zipper on the side, why did you-” Your question is cut off by his lips on yours once again.

“I’m in fashion baby, I’m familiar.” He mumbles against your lips as his fingers find the zipper, gracefully undoing it before his hands are back at the straps of the dress. Once again he pauses, “You absolutely sure?”

“Positive Lewis, I want this so much.” You tell him, trying to keep your voice firm so he has no further need to question you and delay what you're so desperately seeking.

The moment he hears the words leave your lips he’s back in action, his hands lowering the straps of your dress and pushing it down your body. You become very aware of the fact that you chose to go without a bra for the dress when you see his wide eyes staring at your chest. You almost feel shy but the way he’s looking at you takes any hesitation away. Once he’s taken in his view, he’s leaning down, peppering kisses across your whole chest. You can’t help but moan his name at the feeling of his lips on your skin, your grip on the back of his neck tightening. You almost explode when you feel his warm mouth wrap around your sensitive bud, his thumb brushing gently, teasingly over the other. You aren’t sure how you will be able to actually take it when you get to what you are dying for. You are writhing beneath him, spurring him on with every little whimper he pulls out of you.

“God, the little sounds you make, fucking music.” He murmurs against your skin as his kisses begin to trail lower, making his way down your abdomen.

When he finally reaches your hip you think you truly lose your mind. The one and only thought you can muster is ‘Lewis’. He takes his time, kissing across your pelvic bone, moving lower and kissing down the tops of your thighs. Finally he begins his ascent back up, nibbling on your inner thighs as he does, this tongue tracing circles against your skin that you have a desperate need to feel elsewhere, somewhere he’s been neglecting so far. Finally his fingers hook into the band of your thong, a lacey one you chose specifically for tonight, hoping this would happen finally. He hesitates for a moment, his eyes flicking to yours for a final confirmation.

“Please.” You breath out, lifting your hips to help him remove the tiny piece of fabric.

“Fuck Y/N” He says, just as breathless as you as he takes in the sight before him. He’s looking at you with the same admiration that he had when he took your dress off.

His thumb brushes gently against your folds, enough to make you shiver and moan but not nearly enough to satisfy the desire deep in your bones. You move your hips closer to him, earning a faint chuckle but thankfully he takes the queue, parting you open for himself so he can admire the aching bundle of nerves he’s dying to pull into his mouth. He strokes against you gently, just a few flicks before his thumb is trailing down to your opening, swiping up the wetness that is pooling.

“You’re making a mess, baby.” He tells you, his voice smug.

“Well, do something about it.” You snap back at him, your brattiness coming back with full force.

“Yes ma’am.” He laughs, giving you a playful salute that makes you want to slap him.

All your annoyance however is washed away in an instant when his lips finally suction around your mound, shocking you in a way you didn't know was possible. A loud moan leaves your mouth against your will, your hands moving to grab his bedsheets in an attempt to ground yourself. He groans against you, his tongue flicking in the perfect pattern, the combination sending you onto another planet.

“Oh fuck.” You squeal when he grabs your legs and puts them over his shoulders, diving in deeper and closer than he was before.

His mouth trails down, his nose still bumping against your clit as his tongue prods at your entrance, tasting every bit of you he can. His hands are tight on your hips, keeping you in place to pleasure you exactly how he wants. You can feel your stomach tightening, it’s embarrassingly quick you fear, but then he’s slipping a finger into you, his lips latching around your nerves.

“C’mon baby, I can feel it coming, give it to me.” He mumbles against you, the vibrations going through your spine.

You moan loudly, feeling the tension in your body rise. You’re a writhing mess, no longer able to be anchored by the arm draped across your stomach with little purpose. Just when you think you’re about to hit your peak you feel a second finger slip inside you, the pair hooking in the perfect motion that makes you crumble. You’re shaking as you moan loudly, your vision becoming blurry and your ears ringing as you come undone. His fingers never stop their torment, working you through it to ride out the high. When you finally come back into yourself Lewis is kissing along your thighs and leaving soft kisses to your overly sensitive core, his tongue dipping into you every now and again with a smirk.

“That feel okay?” He asks you when he finally sees you watching him, his tone dripping with the ever cocky ego of his.

“Oh shut up.” You giggle, pushing at his head as you burrow your head into the pillow next to you.

“Hey, c’mon now, don’t try to hide from me.” His voice is much closer than it was before and when you turn your head he’s directly above you, hovering over your face with a blissful smile that makes your heart clench.

“Don’t go getting too big of an ego, I needed a good fuck.” You giggle before his lips come down to meet yours.

“Mmmm, well first of all, just so you know, you taste divine and you look immaculate when you come,” He begins, mumbling against your lips before he trails down to your neck, “second of all, you haven’t gotten the good fuck yet darling,” With that he pulls away to look you dead in the eyes, “think you can handle that? Dying to know how incredible you feel.”

Within seconds you’ve gone from content mush to a horny animal again. You don’t know how your brain let you forget about the best part, you needed to feel him.

“Yes, oh my god please.” You breathe out, bordering on begging but you couldn’t care less in the world in that moment.

Your hands begin to move blindly, trying to find his belt buckle but just fumbling with nothing as you get distracted kissing him once again. He smiles, a genuine kind smile as he pulls away from you, sitting back on his heels to undo his pants himself. There’s something about the genuine happiness on his face that makes your heart clench and your stomach flip. He doesn’t just want a quick fuck, he wants you, he’s happy that its you. It’s not the cocky grin of a man who sweet talked some chick into his bed, it’s the genuine smile of a man who finally has the girl he’s been pining over for a year in front of him and finally on the same page. You’re only left to dwell on how much this means to him, to the both of you, for a mere moment, because soon he is lowering his pants and you catch your first proper glimpse of the prominent bulge threatening to burst his boxer briefs. You can’t hide your reaction, your eyes going wide when you see the size of it. You want to slap yourself, you should have known, you should have been prepared. Not only does the man exude ‘big dick energy’ in every thing that he does and says, he is usually sporting a bulge on the day to day without being hard. He clocks your reaction, a warm chuckle reverberating through his chest.

“Still sure about this?” He asks, his voice soft, catching on to your genuine hesitation.

“Can I see it?” You ask and immediately want to take it back, you feel like a teenager afraid of seeing a dick for the first time.

He laughs softly, kicking off his pants fully before leaning down to kiss you again.

“Of course, you can see it, touch it, measure it, inspect it however you want before you decide.” His words are punctuated by kisses, carrying a teasing lilt with every one.

“Stop, it’s just, your ego obviously doesn’t need it, but it looks bigger than what I’m used to.” You whine, your voice becoming shy as you attempt to dodge his kisses in embarrassment.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” The tease has left his tone, his voice soft and serious now, “we only do whatever you can handle, okay?”

You finally look back at him, embarrassed by your shock. The beautiful brown eyes that you meet hold nothing but sincerity, helping your nerves immensely.

“We’ll go slow, yeah?” He prompts, squeezing your thigh.

You nod, wanting desperately to connect with him that intimately. It’s been a desire burning within you for so long now you can't fathom possibly backing out, you know he’ll take care of you.

“You wanna touch it first?” He asks, his voice sincere but still causing you to laugh, making him join in with you, “Hey, I’m serious, maybe it’ll help.” You can hear the seriousness in his voice behind his giggles.

“Okay, yeah, actually that might help.” You admit, your laughter finally quieting down.

When he rids himself of his boxers you almost go through the same shock again. Firstly because of just how large he is, he’s longer than anyone else you've ever seen and so girthy you’re not sure you will be able to wrap your hand around him. Secondly because there he is, naked in all his glory, his strong thighs proudly showing muscles you could never dream of having, his beautiful torso adorned with intricate images and abs that have made you drool since the first time you saw him without a shirt.Your desire for the man in front of you quickly overtakes any hesitation you’d previously had, quickly sitting up to grab him and pull him towards you, crashing your lips against his. He moans into your mouth as your tongue dances across his. You take all your lust and turn it into gumption, reaching down and gently brushing your hand along his cock. His grip on you tightens and an almost pained whimper leaves his mouth as you do so. You take that as a good sign, reaching in between your own legs to get your fingers wet before wrapping your hand properly around his cock, stroking him gently. A groan leaves his throat as he forcefully pulls his lips away from you.

“There’s no way you just did what I think you did, is there?” He asks you, his eyes blown out, crazed with lust and disbelief.

You just giggle, swiping your thumb over his leaking tip, leaning in again to catch his lip. He lets you stroke him for only a moment before he’s pulling away and grabbing your wrist.

“It feels amazing babe, but if you keep doing that I’m going to cum.” He tells you earnestly, his forehead resting against yours as he breathes heavily.

“Well I kinda thought that was the point of this whole thing.” You giggle at him, knowing exactly what he wants but enjoying getting to tease him if only for a moment.

“The point,” He begins, pushing you down to the bed by your hips so he is hovering over you again, “is that I would rather be inside you when I do.” His words are muffled against your skin as he kisses down your neck, your brain short circuiting.

“Please.” You breathe out for what feels like the hundredth time of the night.

“I got you.” He murmurs, your legs locking around his waist.

You feel his bulbous head trailing through your folds, collecting your wetness. You almost feel as if it must be a dream, there's no way you finally got this lucky. Then you feel the slightest bit of pressure at your opening, he's not even inside you yet and you gasp.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you, we’ll go slow, you just keep telling me how you feel, okay?” He whispers in your ear.

You nod and the second he’s sure you want it you feel him pushing forward, the stretch stinging and feeling like too much yet also feeling absolutely perfect. He only thrusts about a quarter of the way in before he’s pausing.

“How you feelin’ baby girl?” His voice is soothing but you can hear the strain as he asks the question. You need him to keep going, the momentary pain melting into ultimate satisfaction.

“More, oh my god, please.” You moan out.

He finally continues, pushing into you with such care it makes your heart burst. The way he’s handling you makes it evident that this isn’t just a fuck for him, it’s a coupling, He cares more about being close to you and your pleasure than he does the rest of it. When you feel his pelvis meet your clit you clench every muscle in your body, feeling fuller than ever before. He lets out a deep groan, dropping his head into the crook of your neck.

“You let me know when I can move sweetie, but you gotta relax for me. Okay?” You can hear the tension in his voice muffled against your neck, his lips moving against your skin.

You let out a breath, working through the overwhelming feeling of being so full of the man you care so deeply about, your body finally relaxing.

“Please move Lew, I need it.” You whimper out, your nails digging into his shoulders.

“That's my girl.” He says softly, his face just above yours with a soft smile as he begins to thrust.

Within moments he has found a pace that has your toes curling and your nails raking down his back. He is hitting every single spot you need him to, stretching you to the limit in the best way possible, working you to your peak in a shockingly quick manner. He’s not rough, he’s not fast, his movements are slow and languid. If he’s not staring directly into your eyes while he whispers sweet and filthy words to you, his lips are on yours as you swallow each other's moans. You’ve never been happier to have a vocal lover than Lewis, you can tell he is loving every single second, that he is overwhelmed with how good he feels. He’s not holding back a single moan, grunt, or groan and it’s only spurring on your pleasure. He sounds so good, looks so good, and feels so fucking good. You’ve never felt quite this all consumed by a man before, he is all that exists in the moment. He is leaning down on his forearms, his large biceps caging you in and it's all you can do not to lean over and bite them. His voice is in your ear when his tongue isn’t in your mouth, his heavy cock is splitting you in two with every perfectly aimed slow deliberate thrust, his pelvis is dragging across your clit giving you every ounce of pleasure you could ever need.You can already feel your toes clenching and your walls beginning to lock him in as you brace yourself in his shoulders.

“God, you feel fucking perfect, fucking made for me. My girl, all mine, huh?” His voice is rough as he talks to you, his forehead resting against yours, his eyes boring into yours.

You can only nod, tears slipping down your face as even moans refuse to escape your throat.

“That’s it baby, just feel it. Taking it like such a good girl.”

The tone of his voice and the dirty words tumbling from his lips have your stomach clenching, you know you’re almost there and so does he. His slow and steady pattern speeds up every so slightly, still keeping the same intimacy but increasing the obscene pleasure running through your body as his hand snakes down to properly rub at your clit.

“Let go for me Y/N, cum all over my cock, I’m right here, I’ve got you, lemme feel it.” His voice is strained but soothing as he talks you to your release.

Within seconds you let out a guttural moan, your whole body tensing as you feel the coil snap. The only word that can leave your mouth is his name, a chant of ‘Lewis’ leaving your tongue as your mind goes blank. You can faintly feel his thrusts falter before his own groan is matching yours, his head falling to your shoulder as thick ropes of cum lace your walls. You have no idea how long it is that you lay there on his bed completely limp. You have a faint memory of the whimper that left your lips when he finally pulled out of you. You know there was a moment of panic when you saw him begin to walk away but you were so blissed out that you ended up focusing on how good his ass looked. What you don’t know is how long it’s been since he left or how long you’ve been laying there, now all you can think about is how badly you want him back next to you. You try to move to sit up but quickly realize the best you can do is prop yourself up on your elbows. As you struggle, Lewis comes back into the room, holding a wet cloth and a glass of water, a smile across his face as he takes in the sight before him.

“You’ve been gone for forever.” You whine, unaware if it's even true or not, doing your best not to admire the fact that he is still stark naked in front of you.

“I’ve been gone for maybe two minutes,” He laughs, making his way towards you, “honestly didn’t even think you would notice, you seemed pretty content off in some bliss land.”

“Hey, that’s technically your fault.” You weakly argue, falling back onto the bed.

“A fault I will happily take,” He smirks, leaning down toward you and pressing his lips against yours, “again, and again, and again, and again.” Each declaration is sealed with a kiss, making you giggle and very weakly try to push him away.

He finally moves away from his assault of kisses, placing the water on the night stand next to you and moving to part your thighs which immediately makes you protest.

“Lew, it was amazing but I can’t.” You whine, squirming away from him.

“Baby,” He laughs, trying to stay sweet but far too amused by your sex drunk mood, “I wasn’t trying anything, I swear, just wanna clean you up because I think a shower is pretty far from your reality right now.”

“Oh.” You mutter, not used to any of your partners ever taking the time to take care of you afterwards. It was usually you realizing a little while later that you had to make sure you peed at the very least.

Lewis however makes sure to take extra care with you, one hand massaging your thigh as the other wipes the warm cloth against your skin. He does smirk when he reaches your core and sees you flinch the slightest bit, but even with your reaction he stays sweet and careful, caressing you in what can only be described as a loving manner. When he’s done, he throws the cloth carelessly onto the floor, something you would have thought would drive him insane, knowing he’s a tidy control freak. Instead of worrying about it, he runs his hands up your sides, kneading at your flesh in a way that somehow feels intimate but not sexual.

“Do you want to sleep like this? Or do you want some clothes?” He asks gently, placing a kiss to your stomach that once again manages to not feel suggestive somehow.

You can feel yourself getting shy. You know the answer he wants but you really want at least a t-shirt, something about sleeping naked has always made you feel weird. You hesitate for a moment, your answer apparently written all over your face because he just smiles and places another kiss against your skin before getting up and heading towards his closet.

“T-shirt or sweatshirt?” He calls out from within the closet, not an ounce of bother in his tone.

“Sweatshirt?” You answer, unsure of yourself.

“Boxers, shorts, or sweatpants?” He calls out again, unphased by your request.

“Is boxers weird?” You ask, still unsure.

“Nope!” He says, emerging from the closet, now wearing a pair of sweatpants low on his hips, his hand full of a stack of clothing for you.

“I’m sorry.” You mutter as you sit up to take the clothing from him.

“Arms up,” He says, the sweatshirt above your head ready to dress you, making you giggle, “and why are you sorry for wanting to be comfy while you sleep?” His voice is muffled through the thick fabric of the sweatshirt that he places over your head.

“I’m sure you would have rathered, I said naked.” You admit as your head pops out the neck hole making him laugh.

“Sweetie, you’re in my bed, that’s all I need. Want you to be comfortable.” He says sincerely, a soft smile on his face as he leans down to place a kiss on your forehead. “Besides I’ve always been kinda convinced that monsters will grab me if I have a foot out from under my blanket so I can’t blame you for wanting to sleep in something.”

You can’t help but let out a genuine laugh at that, knowing that that was one of your childhood fears yet it still follows one of the most fearless men you know.

“Alright, ya gotta scooch this beautiful bum.” His instructions come out soft with a soft pat to your ass as he slides the boxers up your legs.

Everything about the moment feels so loving and playful, it’s hard to imagine that this man that is saying bum and telling you he’s afraid of monsters under the bed was making you see stars and become delirious mere minutes ago. This was a feeling you could definitely get used to. Once you were dressed, Lewis was prying the blankets out from under you, attempting to make room for himself in the bed, laughing at your lack of movement.

“Okay, first note to self, she’s a damn bed hog.” He said playfully once you were both in the sheets, his arm wrapping around you in an attempt to pull you as close as possible.

“Hey, you can’t possibly already be making a cons list, you wore me down like three hours ago.” You argue, half serious, as he maneuvers you so you’re laying against his chest as he hikes your leg up over his hips.

“Not a cons list, just a things to remember list.” He assures you softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Okay, I suppose I can live with that.” You huff playfully into his chest, your fingers tracing patterns along his pecs.

He hums in satisfaction, evidently enjoying your soft touch on his skin as you cuddle further into him.

“Hey Lewis.” You grab his attention, your voice muffled with your cheek smushed into his chest.

“Yeah baby?” His voice is tired as he massages the back of your head, his other hand tracing soothing patterns on your back underneath his stolen sweatshirt.

“We’re gonna make this work, right?” You ask him, your voice timid but needing to hear the confirmation before you can let yourself fall into a peaceful sleep.

“I’m going to do everything in my damn power Love, would never forgive myself for letting you slip away” He tells you seriously even though you can tell he’s beginning to drift off.

That’s all you needed to hear. You let yourself nestle even further into him than you thought was possible, beyond happy that you finally admitted that this was your man. Nothing could ever be perfect, and while your reservations may still have some validity, nothing was better than this beautiful man underneath you and you were prepared to fight like hell to keep him.

[unluckiestmember]

Could I request headcanons for Remy, Kurt, and Logan reacting to his shy GN s/o asking him if they can sit on his lap in private nervously please?

Coming right up!

Sitting on their lap: X-Men '97 Daddies X Reader

Characters: Remy LeBeau/Gambit, Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler and Logan/Wolverine.

Warning: Some suggestive themes, but other than that, none. SFW.

A/N: Whose lap are you sitting on? I might sit on Gambit's, he seems like he'd have a balance between flirty and sweet.

Gambit

“Hey, Mon Cher! What are you thinking about in that pretty head of yours?… You want to sit on my lap? Well, then by all means! Make it your personal throne!”

When you first asked Remy if you could try sitting on his lap, he was a bit surprised. But of course he wasted no time opening himself up to you to take a seat. At first, he mainly kept his hands to himself but then when he could tell you were getting used to it, he wrapped his arm around your body and began to kiss along your cheek and your neck teasingly.

Sometimes he’ll use you sitting in his lap to flirt with you. Just to see if he can get your blood pumping, if you catch his drift. But most times, he’s just being a soft guy, rubbing his nose against your cheek, sneaking in some quick kisses along your lips and laying his head on your shoulder. Gambit will try to keep your antics on the low, but sometimes he just can’t help but hold you in public. You two are so cute the rest of the X-Men are sure they’ll get cavities just by looking at the cute display that is you and your boyfriend. Not that Remy cares- He’s too busy being on cloud nine with you so close to him!

Nightcrawler

“Was ist los, Sonnenblume?… Oh! Y-You want to sit on me? Um, I-I guess it wouldn’t hurt, no?”

Kurt was a bit hesitant when you first asked him to sit on his lap. He asked countlessly if you were sure of doing so before you could even try to sit next to him. After so much reassurance to the point you sounded like a broken record, he finally allowed you to sit on his lap. At first, it was awkward silence with the cute blue devil trying so hard to not lay his hands in any way onto you out of fear of being perceived as perverted or sexual. But as soon as you guide his hands to wrap around you, he just melts into you while you sit in the embrace of his arms.

Whenever you sit on his lap, he’ll always be shocked by the sudden action, but will immediately hold you close and just talk to you about his day if he’s not asking about your own. Sometimes he’ll find you ruffling his hair to make him ease up by laying his head onto your shoulder. In those moments, you find yourself appreciating the gentleness of your boyfriend, especially knowing you can make him relax after a long day of work.

Wolverine

“You wanna take a seat on my lap? Heh. Well who am I to say no? Get over here.”

Logan wasted no time grabbing you by your hand and guiding you onto his lap. His hands sat on your waist, watching your every move as you tried to avert your gaze from him to no avail. He loves when you sit against him because it’s always the perfect moment for him to make you blush a beet red at his sweet nothings being whispered into your ear. If he’s not using his voice to get you all riled up, he can rely on his thumbs brushing along your hips to do the trick.

Outside of his suggestive motives, sometimes he’ll just talk to you while you sit on his lap. Expect him to turn you around so you two are face to face and he can stare into your eyes and your fingers brush through his wild hair. Of course, there will be moments where Logan proceeds a makeout session with you sitting on him, whether you two are in private or not. He likes to make it known that you are his and vice versa because not only does he love to see Scott being pissed off by what he has, but he also likes to show you off as the precious jewel you are.

If you got any requests for X-Men '97, send them my way!

Likes and retweets are always appreciated! I love you all, stay hydrated and have a good day! <3

[kleopatra45]

Moon in the Signs of D9 Chart

Aries

"I want it all, and I want it now." Emotionally, you’re fiery, intense, and direct in the D9 chart. You approach relationships with boldness and expect your future spouse to keep up with your energy. You’re someone who thrives on excitement, challenges, and passion in marriage. When you feel emotionally fulfilled, you’re like a spark that lights up the room. However, you can also be impatient and impulsive, wanting your partner to meet your emotional needs immediately. Your future spouse is likely to be assertive, courageous, and someone who admires your enthusiasm. They’ll match your fire and keep the relationship exciting, though they may need to help balance your occasional outbursts. Together, you’ll learn that love is about balancing independence and unity.

Taurus

"Hold me, and never let go." Your emotions in the Navamsa chart are rooted in stability, sensuality, and comfort. You seek a future spouse who values commitment, loyalty, and a touch of luxury in life. In marriage, you’ll want to build a beautiful, serene home where both of you can thrive. Your love language revolves around the physical—cooking together, long hugs, or simply creating a life that feels abundant and grounded. Your spouse will likely have a calm and steady demeanor, someone who prioritizes consistency and harmony. However, they might need to work around your occasional stubbornness, as you can be resistant to change once you’re emotionally set in your ways. Together, your relationship will feel like a warm, unshakeable sanctuary. 

Gemini

"Talk to me, connect with me, know me." Emotionally, you’re all about mental stimulation in the D9 chart. You need communication, laughter, and constant learning in your marriage. Your future spouse will be someone who enjoys endless conversations, sharing ideas, and exploring new things with you. They may be witty, versatile, and youthful in their approach to life, always keeping things interesting. However, you might struggle with emotional restlessness, as you’re always looking for the next big idea or experience. Your spouse will need to help you anchor those wandering thoughts into something meaningful. Together, you’ll form a bond that feels playful, curious, and ever-evolving.

Cancer

"Wrap me in your love and protect my heart." In the Navamsa, your emotions run deep, intuitive, and nostalgic. You need a partner who makes you feel emotionally secure and understood without needing to explain yourself. Your future spouse will likely have a nurturing or protective energy, someone who prioritizes family and emotional connection. In marriage, you’ll want to create a loving, warm space where you both can heal and grow. However, your moods can be intense, and you may cling to the past when feeling hurt. Your spouse will need to help you navigate your emotional waves, offering patience and comfort. Together, your bond will feel like a timeless love story, built on mutual care and devotion. 

Leo

"Show me I’m your world, and I’ll make you mine." In the D9 chart, your emotions are grand, warm, and magnetic. You seek a future spouse who admires you wholeheartedly and isn’t afraid to express their love. You thrive on attention, loyalty, and affection, and you’ll return it tenfold when you feel adored. Your spouse will likely have a strong personality or a creative streak, someone who values self-expression and isn’t afraid to shine by your side. However, you may struggle with emotional pride, finding it hard to admit when you’re hurt or in need. Together, you’ll create a love that feels larger than life, built on mutual admiration, passion, and celebration of each other.

Virgo

"Love me in the little things, the quiet moments." Emotionally, you’re practical, analytical, and deeply caring in the Navamsa. You approach marriage as a partnership where love is shown through actions, not just words. You need a future spouse who pays attention to the details, someone who understands your desire for order and harmony. Your spouse is likely to be intelligent, hardworking, and supportive, someone who grounds you emotionally while appreciating your thoughtful nature. However, you can be overly critical of yourself or your partner, which might create unnecessary tension. Together, you’ll learn the beauty of imperfection and create a love that is calm, steady, and deeply fulfilling. 

Libra

"Let’s create something beautiful together." In the D9 chart, your emotions are balanced, harmonious, and relationship-focused. You thrive on partnerships where both give and receive equally. Your future spouse will likely be charming, diplomatic, and someone who values fairness and aesthetic beauty. Together, you’ll strive to create a marriage that feels like a romantic dance, full of mutual respect and shared dreams. However, you might struggle with indecisiveness or suppressing your feelings to keep the peace. Your spouse will need to encourage open dialogue and help you feel safe expressing your true emotions. Together, your love will feel like a perfectly crafted masterpiece. 

Scorpio

"I want your soul, not just your heart." Emotionally, you’re intense, transformative, and deeply connected in the Navamsa. Marriage, for you, is about profound emotional intimacy and growth. Your future spouse will be someone who isn’t afraid of your depth and can handle your emotional storms. They’re likely to be passionate, loyal, and someone who understands the importance of emotional vulnerability. However, you may wrestle with trust issues or fear of betrayal, which can lead to emotional intensity. Together, your love will be magnetic, transformative, and a journey of discovering the hidden depths of each other’s souls.

Sagittarius

"Love is freedom, adventure, and endless discovery." In the Navamsa, your emotions are adventurous, optimistic, and philosophical. You need a future spouse who shares your love for growth, exploration, and big ideas. They’ll likely be someone who values freedom within the relationship, someone who’s as eager as you to explore life’s mysteries. In marriage, you’ll bond over shared adventures and deep conversations about life, but you might struggle with restlessness or a fear of being tied down. Your spouse will need to ground you while still encouraging your free spirit. Together, your love will feel like an exhilarating journey into the unknown.

Capricorn

"Love is built brick by brick." Emotionally, you’re serious, reserved, and goal-oriented in the Navamsa. You seek a future spouse who values responsibility, ambition, and long-term commitment. They’re likely to be someone who shares your drive for stability and success, helping you build a life that feels secure and accomplished. While you may struggle with expressing vulnerability, your spouse will help you open up emotionally over time. Together, you’ll create a partnership that feels unshakable, where love grows stronger with every challenge you face. 

Aquarius

"Love me for my mind and my dreams." Emotionally, you’re unconventional, visionary, and a bit detached in the Navamsa. You crave a relationship that feels unique, where you and your future spouse can explore ideas and change the world together. Your spouse will likely be open-minded, progressive, and someone who values intellectual connection. While you may struggle with emotional intimacy at times, your spouse will help you embrace your feelings while respecting your need for freedom. Together, your love will feel like a partnership of equals, focused on growth and shared ideals. 

Pisces

"Let’s lose ourselves in love." Emotionally, you’re dreamy, compassionate, and deeply sensitive in the D9 chart. You seek a future spouse who understands your emotional depth and shares your romantic, almost otherworldly vision of love. They’re likely to be someone intuitive, gentle, and deeply connected to their inner world. In marriage, you’ll create a spiritual bond that feels transcendent, but you may struggle with emotional boundaries or feeling overwhelmed. Your spouse will need to help you stay grounded while cherishing your beautiful imagination. Together, your love will feel like a timeless fairytale.

©️kleopatra45

[lixiesfreckless]

Sugar & Spice | h. j.

A Sugar Across The Hall bonus scene

➸ synopsis: in reality, Joshua Hong can never say no to you.

➸ starring: joshua hong x reader

➸ word count: 1.9k words

➸ general content: boyfriend!joshua, kissing, slightly more than kissing lmao

➸ warnings: suggestive content, brief mention of alcohol

➸ rating: TV 16+

➸ author’s note: this can be read as a stand-alone BUT…happy one year anniversary to my magnum opus, sath. I love it to death, and I’m still not done writing for these characters, but for now, you get a much needed not-quite-hallmark-channel-approved scene. and before you get it twisted, this is and will always be dedicated to my beloved @ashonheavenscloud , but I’d like to give special thanks to @catboyieejeno for always encouraging me to stir the pot <3 love you guys a ton mwah

♫ this fic has a soundtrack! touch by keshi uhhhhhh somebody by keshi aahhhhhhh

Oh, he's really done it now.

Walking around some lively street corner a few blocks away from your shared apartment building, Joshua leads the two of you through downtown NYC at the height of spring. Strangers pass by your lovestruck duo without a second glance, not bothering to watch you look back at him with a borderline absurd amount of fondness in your irises. It's funny; usually Joshua wouldn't give spring a chance when it came to stating his favorite season, but since you waltzed into his life, he can confidently say that any of them are worthwhile—as long as you're with him. He squeezes your hand for what feels like the millionth time this evening, an action that makes you giggle happily to yourself.

Because you find it cute.

Oh, how you have no idea at all.

How tortuous this night has been for Joshua. How he regrets the day that he walked into that fateful department store, not looking for anything in particular but coming to a full stop in front of a specific mannequin. How he mentally patted himself on the back for remembering your size when you opened the gift bag a few hours earlier, eyes alight in excitement as you pulled out the present, letting the fabric unroll in your fingertips. How his face heated up as you opened your apartment door, and he quickly noted how the mannequin did the dress no justice.

Truthfully, if the dress looked as good on the mannequin as it did on you, he would have never taken it off the rack. He'd know better.

Because all through dinner he had to stop himself from staring at you and the slope of your neck, broken up by the thin straps of the halter dress and abandoned by your hair that was conveniently(to his demise) in an updo, to show off the open back. Luckily, you were so delighted by the Greek restaurant that you'd picked out that you hardly noticed his deepening flush, or the way he nearly downed his white wine in one go the second the server left your table.

And now, as you swing his hand and practically run up the stairs(because the elevator is broken, again), he finds himself almost dreading the night ahead. It's a Thursday, which means self care and Grey’s Anatomy, and while he would never turn down spending time with you, being that close to you for a prolonged period of time after the night he's had would be borderline masochistic.

Of course he contemplates all of this, but in reality, Joshua Hong can never say no to you.

So you unlock the door to your home, blabbering on about something that had happened at work and completely oblivious to the way that your boyfriend is eyeing you, torn between running towards you and running across the hall to get a grip on himself.

“Johnny went off at a customer yesterday,” you chuckled, crossing the room to set your purse down on the kitchen table. “They were being so rude, and over spilled milk too—throwing a fit over where we get our coffee beans imported from–”

You yelp in surprise, followed by a giggle at the feeling of Joshua’s hands encircling your waist from behind. His head settles in the space on your shoulder, but not before leaving a light kiss to the exposed skin of your neck.

“Hi,” you greet him, hands coming up to hold onto his forearms as you try to decipher the reason for this sudden display of affection.

“Hi,” he sighs, nose nudging against your pulse point, “Did I ever tell you how stunning you look in that dress?”

“No, I must have misheard you the first fifty times.”

He laughs at your little jab, willing his hands to stay still despite his growing desire to let them wander. You make the terrible decision to turn just enough so you can look at him, and it's this position that puts Joshua at his most vulnerable.

“Ready to wrap up season five?”

Looking up at him the way that you are paired with your slightly parted lips and flushed demeanor, Joshua finds himself at a loss for words, instinctively leaning into your face as his restraint wears thin. And your unfazed and accepting disposition makes it that much worse for him, his breath shaking as you flutter your eyes shut and part your lips.

The first touch of his lips is familiar, his kiss walking the line between mind-numbingly sweet and devastatingly tender as one of his hands comes up to lift your jaw. But instead of pulling away like he had originally intended, he presses harder against your mouth with a small sigh, unable to find any logical objection to the change of plans.

Your giggly demeanor fizzles out under the heat of his mouth, and your breath escapes you once his hand slides down to your neck, fingers languidly tracing the curve and playing with the straps that rest there. In contrast to his slow hands, his kisses grow faster and almost desperate, not wanting to separate for even a second as he tilts his head and slants his mouth against yours.

You stumble backwards slightly in pleasant surprise, and the table hits just above the hem of your skirt before the arm around your waist tightens, pulling you further into Joshua’s chest.

He takes this opportunity to lean forward slightly, clearing the table with a sweep of the arm that was holding you before hoisting you up onto it, hands firm on your thighs and then sliding down to your knees so he can part them.

“Josh,” you whisper breathlessly, clutching onto his shoulders as your eyes dazedly flicker between his lips and his eyes. His lower lip gets trapped between his teeth as his strength falters, gaze hardly able to meet yours as his fingers dance along the scalloped hem of your dress.

“Oh God, don't do that baby,” he nearly moans, and the pet name turns your brain waves into radio static. You've never heard him sound so helpless, as if his very fate would be decided by whatever you choose to say next. “You make it so hard to just sit and watch TV with you sometimes. Especially when you look like this.”

Knowing now that you have the upper hand, you decide to humor yourself and tease him a bit, leaning forward with a slight smirk on your lips. “Like what?”

His eyes drink you in from head to toe, taking their time to memorize all of your body lines in the flattering dress. If the opportunity were to present itself tonight, he doesn't know whether he would even want to take it off of you.

He leans in close, hoping that his desire translates well as it's mumbled against the skin of your neck.

“So damn good.”

His confession against your sensitive skin has you muffling a whine, gripping the edge of the table as your rationale evaporates under his searing lips, traveling higher and higher with each press.

You can't take his teasing much longer, and frankly, this side of him doesn't come out often enough for you to pass up an opportunity such as this. Meredith Grey will have to wait.

“You know…” you whisper, head tilting back as you feel his hand slipping behind your neck to support it, “they play reruns on Friday nights too.”

“Thank God, ‘cause you in this dress has been driving me crazy since you put it on,” he chuckles against your lips before catching them with his again, taking his time now to fully taste you, swiping his tongue along your bottom lip to elicit that delightful shiver that runs up your spine. You respond in earnest with your hands, carding through his brown locks and nearly melting when he doesn't suppress the groan that tumbles from his throat.

He kisses you like you’re air itself, hands sliding up your skirt and body pressing against yours, and once your nails slide down his scalp he softly groans into your mouth, moving onto kissing across your jawline. You repeat the action while winding your legs around Joshua’s waist, and he whines quietly into your neck, “Please…tell me to stop before I can’t.”

So subtly you almost miss it, he rolls his hips into yours, his desires clouding his judgment as a foreign sound jumps to the top of your throat. Immediately your attention is drawn to the heat you feel in your abdomen, and while you have grown accustomed to bearing it in silence, you’re finding it increasingly hard to ignore with him like this, hands all over you.

Wanting you.

He does it again, with a little more pressure this time, and your head falls back as a whimper just barely tumbles out of your lips. He shivers slightly, nearly overcome with the exertion of fighting every urge to take you on this table this instant.

To temporarily solve this problem, his lips find yours again, but feeling your muffled moans against him proves to be no more effective than trying to put out a forest fire with a garden hose.

As his hips softly grind into yours and your kisses get more and more frantic, your voice of reason pushes through the heavy cloud of lust at the forefront of your brain. “Wait, I've never–”

“We don't have to baby,” he cuts you off, wanting to make his intentions clear despite being unable to put an inch of space between the two of you, “and I don't want to just yet, but I…”

His hand that was previously bunched in your dress comes up to cradle your jaw, thumb brushing gently against the redness of your cheek as he calms himself down with a deep breath.

And as he gazes at you with nothing but adoration in his brown irises, you can almost feel the words coming before he says them out loud.

“I…I am so in love with you,” he begins, fighting a chuckle born out of the absurd location of this sudden confession, “that sometimes, when I look at you, I can’t even think straight, and I…” he trails off, struggling to find the right words the longer he stares at you.

You, on the other hand, are practically beaming, bottom lip trapped by your teeth in an attempt to fight the smile you’d be flashing him, so as to not distract him any further. But you soon realize; with him seated between your legs, there’s not much you can do to help him out here.

So you switch to offense, legs squeezing him tight around his waist to pull his hips back to yours. “You what?”

His chocolate eyes darken to a coffee color in seconds, and the hand that was on your hip tightens again, keeping you firm in place on the table as you bat your eyelashes at him.

“Sometimes I wish I could just show you how much you drive me crazy.”

You don’t hesitate, lifting your chin to meet his lips in a deceptively chaste kiss as your hands fall onto the buttons on his shirt, playing with them just to rile him up further.

You shrug, feigning indifference. “Maybe you can.”

And at that, before you can even register what’s happening, he’s sliding an arm around your waist and under your knees, picking you up and heading towards your bedroom with a chuckle.

“Maybe I should.”

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

click to read Sugar Across The Hall

[dissapointu]

Silco with a reader who has a high a high sex drive

1. Silco’s Control and the Reader’s Desire

Silco is a man of control, and while he’s always aware of the dynamics around him, he’s especially attuned to you. His own need for power and dominance extends into their personal interactions. He would likely keep his emotions and desires in check, but the reader’s high s-drive would push his patience. Silco is not one to rush things, but he enjoys the challenge of maintaining control, especially in private moments where the chemistry between you both becomes more intense.

2. A Subtle Power Play

Though Silco appears stoic and cold to the world, when alone with you, he enjoys the subtle power play that comes with your high drive. His reactions might range from amusement to quiet possessiveness. He knows how to take his time with you, slowly building tension and testing how far he can push before your desires overwhelm the situation. He thrives on the control, but not in an overt, obvious way. It’s more about keeping you just on the edge of anticipation, knowing how to keep you wanting more.

3. Provocative Teasing

Silco’s teasing is deliberate and sharp. If he notices that you’re feeling particularly eager or frustrated, he might not immediately indulge you, but instead he would draw things out. A gentle brush of his hand, a look, a soft whisper of words just enough to spark something within you. He understands your high drive, and he’s more than willing to test your patience, letting the tension build slowly until you’re at the brink of madness.

4. Satisfaction in Your Submission

While Silco is driven by a need for dominance and control, he would find great satisfaction in knowing that you’re utterly captivated by him. When he finally gives in to your needs, it’s not just physical for him—it’s a psychological and emotional conquest. He relishes the moments where he has you completely in his grasp, knowing your desires are met, but also ensuring that he’s the one who sets the pace.

5. Intense Emotional Connection

For Silco, physical intimacy isn’t just about release—it’s an expression of trust and power. He would value the deep connection that comes with being physically close to you, appreciating how your high drive shows him a different side of you. It’s a form of vulnerability that he doesn’t often show to others, and in return, he might even surprise you with moments of tenderness when he sees that you’re fully trusting him. Your desires allow him to be more than just a ruthless leader, revealing a more intimate and protective side.

6. Morning After

After a night of intense passion, Silco would likely become reflective and somewhat distant. His love for control means that while he’s fully capable of indulging in his desires, he still views them through the lens of power dynamics. He may not be overly affectionate the morning after, but you’ll notice subtle signs that he is invested: a hand on your back, a quiet but meaningful look, or a low murmur that shows he’s pleased by how things went. He’s not one to speak openly about feelings, but his actions would reveal that he takes satisfaction in knowing your needs were fully met.

7. Long-Term Relationship Dynamic

Over time, the power dynamic between you two would likely become more complex, especially as Silco learns to balance his need for dominance with the deeper emotional connection he develops with you. He would remain the one in control, but as your relationship deepens, he might find himself occasionally giving you more than he intends—pleasure, affection, and intimacy beyond what he expected for someone as calculating as him. You might not ever change the way he operates, but you certainly add an extra layer of complexity to his life, a challenge he both resents and craves.

[wonton4rang]

kinda giggling and twirling my toes at that "is your gf single" post... leehan..

can you do maybe like reader making bnd jealous like that (as a joke and just bcuz ur horny)

also can i be 💫 anon

Hiiii, first post after a while !! And ofc, welcome home 💫 anon 💜💜💜

——————————————————————————

jealous much ¡!

pairing: bnd x reader.

warnings: some +18 for the legal line, jealousy (well, duh)

summary: how would bnd react to you making them jealous as their gf (as a joke ofc)

——————————————————————————

sungho; he is honestly a little bit easy to trick, not because he’s dumb but because he believes in you too much and takes for granted everything you do/ say cause… why would his pretty gf do anything to harm him? so when you faked texting and laughing for over ten minutes, turning your screen off when he tried to peek and laugh w u, he got worried, pouting and feeling a little betrayed, not even because he thought you were cheating but because why were u laughing at something without him??? “payback’s a bitch, huh?” you said to him and only then he understood what this was about. he was too busy playing to help u earlier and now that he wanted to be w u, it sucks that he couldn’t :’)

riwoo; a furious blush is already visible on his cheeks when you come out of the dressing room with that tiny skirt, giving him and the other men waiting for their girls a twirl that made everyone in the room stare, yeah, no. he quickly stand up and pushed you back into the small room, looking at you for a few seconds and letting out a sigh when he noticed the smirk on your face. “you’re just horny, aren’t you?” his face so close to yours that you felt his breath against your lips “gonna have to wait a bit for me, baby, we don’t want everyone to hear you moaning like a bitch, right?” And you just LOVED when sanghyeok talked to you like that, his naughty smirk making you feel warmer than you were. You changed so fast istg u were eager to get home now.

jaehyun; a bitch, he didn’t even let you breathe when he was already taking you to the other side of the house, not even talking to you when you played innocent and asked “what’s up with you?”, he would take you to a bathroom and close the door, the music of the party being dimmed by it and would say “do you think is funny when you flirt with my friends in front of me?” , “would you prefer if I do it behind your back?” he was speechless. but soon so were you, your lips were attacked by your boyfriend and you could feel his desperation to get to you, to show you how angry yet passionate he was. you followed the kiss and it soon turned to something else, your pussy starting to leak right when he pulled out, you looked at him confused and he just laughed at you before saying “think it through before doing this type of things again” and you bet you will cause wtf.

taesan; this one doesn’t bat an eye in public tbh, so it was a bad move to try to make him jealous by talking wayyyy too much w sungho and neglect his attempts to join the conversation. he eventually stopped trying to join and just listened, feeling a little bitter by the way you kept laughing and joking with his hyung. wtf were u doing? So when you both got home, you really thought everything was unsuccessful, you just wanted to trigger something in him to get a little action, if u know what I mean. Oh well, you certainly did because next thing u knew was him trapping your body against the wall and looking down at you for a few seconds before laughing in disbelief “if you wanted to make me feel angry or jealous, you succeeded. Now, why?” He spoke in such a low tone, his eyes piercing yours and his face almost expressionless, almost because that hint of something you couldn’t discern was there, “I didn’t-” , “yes, you did. but I think you could explain it to me better in our bedroom, I’ll be waiting” and oh my, u shouldn’t do this again but you certainly will cause he fucked you so right and so deep and nice that your body was craving for it even though you just had it.

leehan; certainly the worst boy to try and make jealous. First things first, he does not get jealous over boys who are uglier than him (which is most boys, btw), he is not insecure at all and he trusts you so he knows that you wouldn’t do anything to actually hurt him. Which is why he is laughing at your attempts to look serious while “flirting” with jaehyun, not even him is believing your act. But leehan would let you play the part, signaling you to join him later by the pool just to spread you open and eat you out like a mad person, he has always got a fixation with your pussy and the fact that you were intentionally trying to make him jealous just turned him on like a flame. His tongue would do wonders, you sitting on the edge of the pool and trying to keep it quiet because there were still people inside of the house, your legs were resting on his shoulders and he was inside of the pool just having the best time of his life while he ate u out, fingered your cunt to make you cum faster and sloppily licked your cum when you finally finished on his tongue. Did you fail to make him jealous? Yes. Now, did you fail your main quest which was getting him to help u out cause u were horny? Hell no.

woonhak; i feel like woonagi would get frustrated because he could easily believe that he would lose you, he might think “she’s my first gf, maybe i’m not a good bf” or something like “maybe I’m too young and dumb for her” but no, he was perfect and you soon noticed that he was feeling down instead of being stimulated into kissing you to mark his property. So you stopped, getting close to him and explaining what you were trying to do, he got mad at the beginning but then he just opened up about how he felt and you both worked it out. Did you get your kiss? Ofc, you guys kissed all night and ended up getting under his sheets while cuddling until the morning.

[rafecamerons-national-anthem]

𝐻𝐸𝒜𝒟𝒞𝒜𝒩𝒪𝒩-𝑅𝒜𝐹𝐸 𝒞𝒜𝑀𝐸𝑅𝒪𝒩 𝒜𝒮 𝒴𝒪𝒰𝑅 𝐵𝐸𝒮𝒯 𝐹𝑅𝐼𝐸𝒩𝒟

Bestfriend!Rafe would definitely be the type to get very protective of you. He’d be the guy who’s always looking out for your safety, but it could sometimes get a bit intense. Whether it’s making sure no one disrespects you or checking in to make sure you’re okay after a night out, he’d always want to be the one to take care of you. That could come across as possessive at times, especially if he sees someone else getting too close to you. He might even get jealous if he feels like another guy is trying to step into the best friend role.

Bestfriend!Rafe’s way of showing affection would often come through teasing. He'd mock you or make fun of you in a playful, sarcastic way, but you’d know that deep down, he has a soft spot for you. Whether it’s making fun of your music taste, poking fun at your fashion choices, or joking about your clumsiness, he’d love to get a rise out of you. But despite all the teasing, you’d always feel that there's something more genuine beneath it all. Bestfriend!Rafe knows how to make you laugh, and you two would have your own little inside jokes.

If you’re ever in the mood for excitement, Bestfriend!Rafe would be your go to person. He thrives on high energy, reckless activities, so you’d find yourself getting into all sorts of trouble. Whether it’s sneaking into a party, speeding through town, or doing something impulsive just because, he’d always pull you into his wild ideas. His best friend status would also come with the “partners in crime” vibe, where he encourages you to live on the edge with him.

Although Bestfriend!Rafe often puts up a front, there’d be moments where he’d open up to you in ways he wouldn’t with others. Late night talks about his family issues, his struggles with his dad, or even his frustrations about not being able to live up to expectations would make him vulnerable in front of you. He trusts you enough to show this side, and those moments would be rare but deeply meaningful. You’d understand that beneath his cocky, wild exterior, there’s a guy who feels a lot more than he lets on.

Bestfriend!Rafe would push you to take risks or challenge your own boundaries, whether it’s encouraging you to be bolder in social situations or trying new things that take you out of your comfort zone. But there’d also be a flip side: if anyone messes with you or pushes you too far, Bestfriend!Rafe would be the first one ready to fight your battles. Not only would he want to see you succeed, but he’d want to make sure no one ever hurts you along the way.

Despite all his bravado and emotional walls, Bestfriend!Rafe would have a deep soft spot for you. You’d be the one person who really gets him, and he’d be surprisingly considerate when it comes to you. He might show up unannounced to check on you if you’ve had a rough day, or make you your favorite snack when you're feeling down. He’d never admit it outright, but you’d feel that his loyalty to you runs deep, and that he wants to protect you at all costs.

As friends, Bestfriend!Rafe might blur the lines a bit more than he should. There could be moments where his actions or words make you wonder if he feels more than friendship for you, but it would be complicated. Bestfriend!Rafe could definitely be the type to cross boundaries in subtle ways, like lingering just a little too long when you hug, or acting overly jealous when you talk to other guys. This could create a bit of tension, and the friendship dynamic might get complicated at times because he’d be unsure of his feelings toward you, and you might not always know where you stand with him.

Your friendship with Bestfriend!Rafe would be a rollercoaster, filled with laughter, drama, and unexpected moments of bonding. He’d get you into situations that are chaotic, but those moments would end up being unforgettable because of how he makes them feel so alive. Whether it's sneaking out to a party or tackling something you've both been afraid of, you’d experience life in a way that feels real and intense, with Bestfriend!Rafe right beside you.

As your best friend, Bestfriend!Rafe would be fiercely loyal, protective, and deeply complicated. He’d show you a wild, sometimes frustrating, but ultimately passionate side of friendship that you'd never forget. With him, life would be unpredictable but always interesting.

Bestfriend!Rafe might not text or call in the most conventional way, but he’d always make sure to check in. It could be something like him randomly texting, “Where are you? What’s going on? Let me know if you need anything, yeah?” followed by a “I swear to God, if something happens to you…” That might be his way of expressing care, even if it’s not the most comforting.

If you’re going through something tough, you’d notice Bestfriend!Rafe showing up unexpectedly with no explanation, maybe even dragging you out of the house to get your mind off things. It’s not about talking about feelings, but he’d know that action speaks louder than words for him.

If you were going out with friends, Bestfriend!Rafe might make a snarky comment like, “You sure you wanna hang out with those people? I can take you somewhere better.” He wouldn’t want you hanging around people he doesn’t trust, so you might end up getting “rescued” by him, whether you want to or not.

And if you're dealing with any unwanted attention from guys, expect Bestfriend!Rafe to step in, maybe in a way that's a little over the top. “Hey, dude, back off. She’s not interested.” He wouldn’t care if it caused a scene, he’d rather make sure you’re not uncomfortable than risk losing his temper.

When it comes to family problems, especially if you're dealing with a tough home life, Bestfriend!Rafe might be the first one to give you a place to vent. He’d probably show up at your house with some takeout and a look on his face that says, “We’re doing this my way now.” While your family drama is happening, he’d try to take the edge off by distracting you with a late night drive or just being there when you need to talk about what’s going on.

If your parents are overbearing or strict, Bestfriend!Rafe might just invite you to stay with him for a while, claiming it’s “for your own good,” but really it’s because he just wants to make sure you're safe. He might even make an off hand joke, “You can stay with me until you get your life together,” but deep down, he’d mean it.

If you're feeling down and don't feel like talking about it, Bestfriend!Rafe knows exactly how to lighten the mood. Maybe he shows up at your door with a ridiculous movie he knows will make you laugh, or an idea to do something spontaneous, like driving around for hours, talking about everything and nothing. Even if you don’t say much, he'd know what would help and make sure you’re taken care of in his own way.

He’d also be the type to remember little details, like your favorite snack or the type of music that puts you in a better mood. When he comes through with those small gestures, you’d realize that Bestfriend!Rafe has been paying attention more than he lets on.

Bestfriend!Rafe would definitely drag you into his schemes, but with good intentions. Whether it’s helping him out with something crazy or getting you to join him on a last minute road trip to escape the pressure of life, you'd be in for a wild ride. Sometimes his ideas might be sketchy, but he knows you’ll go along with them because you trust him.

You might even find yourselves in trouble more often than not, but there’s an unspoken agreement between you both that you’ve got each other’s backs no matter what happens. If the cops show up or things go south, Bestfriend!Rafe is first one to shout, “I’ve got this, just follow my lead.”

Bestfriend!Rafe’s protective streak can sometimes take a more possessive turn, especially when it comes to the guys in your life. If you start talking to someone new, he’ll likely act a little jealous though in a way that’s almost comical. He might throw out sarcastic comments like, “He better not be a complete idiot, or I’m stepping in.”

If the guy you're seeing is a bit too forward or disrespectful, Bestfriend!Rafe would definitely confront him, without hesitation. But instead of just making it awkward, he'd do it in a way that makes you laugh, like challenging him to a competition or making a sarcastic remark just to throw off the tension. It’s his way of showing that he’ll protect you from anyone who doesn’t treat you right.

Bestfriend!Rafe’s form of support wouldn’t always be warm and cuddly. If you’re messing up or hesitating to make a big decision, he wouldn’t sugarcoat it. He might say something like, “You’re smarter than this. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just get it done.” His tough love would come with no nonsense advice, and while it might sting at times, you’d know he has your best interests at heart. He doesn’t waste time on pity, but he knows how to push you to be your best.

Underneath Bestfriend!Rafe’s bravado and cocky exterior, he’d have moments where he shows up for you in ways that leave you surprised. If you're sick or going through something tough, he might show up at your place with food or medicine and act like it’s no big deal, but you’d see the genuine care he’s offering.

If you had a hard day or a rough breakup, Bestfriend!Rafe might not know exactly how to comfort you with words, but he’d do things that matter like taking you out for a drive to clear your head, or taking care of any issue without you needing to ask. His "acts of service" would be how he shows that he cares, even if he struggles with expressing it emotionally.

[fiftysevenacademics]

I think one of the reasons all the emotions hit so hard in Fangs of Fortune is the way hard, bitter feelings and violent actions are layered with softness and gentleness. All the main characters (except Ying Lei, who is just pure, soft sunshine), are hung up on rough feelings of grief, revenge, and remorse, betrayal. But each of them is willing to surrender those feelings, which for each of them have grown into a kind of mission, to let tenderness in. This gradually changes them.

The tenderness is shown through so many devices: touch, gaze, play and humor, frank and intimate conversation. It’s also shown through costumes:textured and soft textiles, fur, fluffy pom poms, velvet, that invite touch. Zhao Yuanzhou’s costume in his final scenes is the epitome of this– somber and solid-looking material on one side and a fuzzy white knit textile on the other to signify duality. In this case, the firmness of purpose, making amends, the inevitability of fate on the harder black right side, and the small choices we make to connect with and touch the lives of others on the soft white left.

The soundtrack music also conveys softness. Lead actors Hou Minghao and Tian Jiarui, especially, use incredibly soft, wavering voices to sing haunting ballads that sound like laments and lullabies. But there is also some harder rock music used during fight scenes to balance the dreamlike overall effect.

This all helps convey the theme that though none of the characters can escape what fate has chosen for them, they don’t need to let it harden them. Each has suffered great losses, each knows they will suffer more, but they remain pliable and willing toward each other.

I thought it was interesting that forgiveness wasn’t really a theme. There wasn’t a moment when Wen Xiao and Zhuo Yichen forgave Zhao Yuanzhou in order to love him. In fact, they held him accountable for his past actions until the end but loved him nonetheless. Zhuo Yichen showed his love by taking on the guilt of killing the man he loved, a death that both repaid a debt and saved the world and left him bereft and alone. Wen Xiao showed her love by tearing up the contract and releasing him to both be her lover and to die.

To live with duality, one must be flexible (a point made overtly in the swing scene). The characters that cannot do this, that rigidify on one side of the balance, are the villains. Wen Zongyu, who sealed himself inside hatred of demons after they killed his wife, and Li Lun, who sealed him inside hatred of humans, and a sense of betrayal by Zhao Yuanzhou for loving them. In the end, however, Li Lun, softens and releases the love that remains in his heart to save Zhao Yuanzhou and Zhuo Yichen. These characters live with contradictions and ambiguities.

So the main male characters become better, nobler men not by doing great, or violently masculine deeds, but by letting the softer, gentler, one might even say somewhat feminine side of their natures direct their actions.

[ducktoo]

First love…till not?

Aespa’s Giselle x M!Reader

Note: uhhh this is gonna be some angst stuff

You knew it was coming.

It was inevitable, really. The moment you felt the coldness settle between you like a frigid barrier, a silent warning that all was not well.

This wasn’t what you imagined when you thought of love as a kid, all those times you ran across the playground with her, climbing trees and scrabbling through dirt together, shoulders bumping and laughter rising. Those were the days when the world felt simple, like it was just you and her against everything else. But somewhere along the way, things changed.

She changed.

Each day felt like a new level of hell with her, a twisted game of push and pull that you never signed up for. The little comments that once felt like playful teasing morphed into daggers aimed right at your heart.

“Are you really going to wear that?” she'd scoff, eyeing your outfit with disdain. “You know I can’t be seen with someone who dresses like they’ve just rolled out of bed.”

You tried to laugh it off, but the sting lingered.

And then there were the late-night texts, the ones that should have been sweet but instead came wrapped in barbs.

“You’re still at home? Wow, I figured you’d have outgrown that loser phase by now.” She’d dismiss your attempts at conversation with an eye-roll emoji, as if your thoughts were nothing more than noise.

But it didn’t stop there. Every time you shared an accomplishment, her reaction felt like a punch to the gut.

“Nice job, I guess. But did you really think you’d be the best? Get real.” The first time it happened, you’d been so proud of yourself. Now? It just made you feel small, insignificant.

And it wasn’t just the words. Her actions stung too.

When you invited her to your family’s gatherings, she’d show up late, tossing off excuses with a smirk, leaving you to face your relatives alone while they questioned your choices.

“You’re not going to let them set you up with anyone, right? I mean, look at you,” she’d say, and you’d feel your cheeks burn with embarrassment.

When you confronted her about it, you’d been hopeful, thinking maybe she just didn’t realize how her words affected you.

“Aeri, it hurts when you talk to me like that,” you’d say, voice trembling slightly. But instead of a comforting response, she’d laugh, brushing you off.

“It’s just how I am. If you can’t take a little heat, then maybe you shouldn’t be so sensitive.”

Every insult chipped away at your self-esteem, leaving you feeling raw and exposed. You found yourself hesitating to share anything with her, fearing her reaction would cut you deeper. Wasn’t love supposed to lift you up? Instead, she made you feel like you were constantly on the edge of a cliff, teetering between despair and defeat.

The breaking point arrived like a thief in the night. You were sitting on the couch, scrolling through your phone, when Giselle plopped down next to you, scrolling through her own feed. “Why do you spend so much time staring at that? It’s embarrassing to watch,” she said, her tone dismissive, like she was talking to a child.

“Just catching up on things,” you replied, trying to keep your voice steady, but she rolled her eyes, the frustration bubbling up inside you.

“Just admit it—you’re wasting your life on this junk. You should be out doing something worthwhile instead of living in your phone.”

And that was it. That was the moment everything fell into place—the endless string of insults, the constant belittling, the nagging voice in your head that told you you were never good enough. You were exhausted, drained from the battle of trying to please her while she tore you down.

“Why do you talk to me like this?” you finally asked, voice soft but strained. “You… you didn’t used to. We didn’t used to be like this.”

For a moment, a flash of something crossed her face—surprise, maybe. But it was gone before you could even grasp it. She scoffed, crossing her arms. "Maybe you’ve just stopped living up to expectations. People change, you know. Or did you think you'd be the same forever?"

And there it was, her words hanging in the air like poison. You could feel your grip slipping, whatever shred of patience you’d been holding onto breaking apart. It felt like all those memories—the good ones—were slipping out of reach, fading like distant dreams.

With a deep breath, you gently pried her hand off your wrist, letting it drop. "I loved you, Aeri. So much. But… this isn’t love anymore. It can’t be."

For a moment, the silence was unbearable. She just looked at you, her gaze flickering between a hundred emotions that she was probably fighting to hold back.

But you couldn’t stay. Not this time. Without another word, you turned, letting the pain settle in your chest as you walked away. You didn’t look back—couldn’t look back—because if you did, you weren’t sure you’d be able to keep going.

And as you stepped out into the open air, the weight of it all came crashing down, the memories, the love, the heartbreak.

It was over.

-

The days after the breakup passed in a blur. It was like walking through a fog where time lost meaning, and every step felt heavier than the last. You’d try to distract yourself, burying your head in anything that didn’t remind you of her—work, friends, even old hobbies you’d forgotten about.

But she was everywhere, haunting your thoughts like a ghost you couldn’t shake.

Every morning felt like waking up with a hollow ache, like something vital had been ripped away and left behind a void. You’d lie there, staring at the ceiling, and the thought of her would drift in, unbidden. You’d remember the warmth of her laugh, the way her eyes used to light up, the small things you’d loved about her before everything went cold. But then, as always, the memories of her words would resurface—the cutting remarks, the icy looks, the way she seemed to take joy in tearing you down. It was a twisted mix of love and hurt, a scar too deep to simply fade.

Yet, every time you felt the familiar ache start to ease, you’d see something that reminded you she’d moved on faster than you could even breathe. A passing rumour, a social media post, or friends mentioning her out at parties, laughing and smiling like she hadn’t lost a thing. It felt like a punch to the gut every time, like she’d left you struggling while she skipped off, unbothered.

One night, as you were out with friends, someone casually mentioned seeing her with someone else, some guy you vaguely remembered from school. “They looked close,” your friend said offhandedly, not knowing the silent chaos those words set off inside you. You forced a smile, tried to shrug it off, but inside, it felt like reopening an old wound. She had already moved on, it seemed. To her, whatever you’d had was just another chapter easily closed.

But for you, it wasn’t that simple.

You’d thought you’d hate her for it, for how quick she seemed to erase you from her life. But all you felt was numbness—a hollow ache that refused to fade. You wanted to forget her, to move on as easily as she had, but that scar ran too deep. It was the kind of hurt that sat heavy in your chest, that kept you awake at night, wondering if you’d meant anything to her at all.

-

For Giselle, it was different.

She had always been good at compartmentalizing, at locking away her emotions somewhere they couldn’t hurt her. To her, breaking up felt like ripping off a bandage—quick, clean, and necessary. She had convinced herself that it was better this way, that maybe her words hadn’t been that harsh, that maybe you just weren’t strong enough to handle her. It was easier that way, to justify it as your fault.

The first few weeks were easy enough. She threw herself into her life, meeting new people, going out more, laughing louder, living harder. To anyone watching, she seemed fine—more than fine, even. But every so often, in the quiet moments, she’d feel the echo of your absence, a strange emptiness that crept in like a shadow she couldn’t shake.

She would scroll through her phone, accidentally stumbling upon old photos of you and her, looking so carefree, so close. Her thumb would hover over the screen for a second, maybe two, before she would snap out of it, closing it out and shoving the memories back down. Those images, those memories—they belonged to a time that was over, she reminded herself.

You were just someone she’d grown out of, that was all.

But as the months went on, that hollow feeling gnawed at her more than she wanted to admit. She’d be at a party, surrounded by people, laughing and smiling, but somehow, she’d feel like something was missing. She’d catch herself looking for you in the crowd, expecting to see your familiar face, only to be met with strangers. She’d brush it off, remind herself that she’d made the right choice, that she’d only been honest with you, even if the truth hurt.

But every so often, in the quiet of her room, she’d find herself staring at her reflection, wondering if she’d been too harsh, if she’d let go of something too quickly. She hated admitting it, even to herself, but there was a part of her that felt like she’d lost more than she wanted to.

-

As for you, time passed, but the scar remained. You’d tried moving on, had even gone out on a few dates here and there. But no one quite fit, no one felt like home the way she had. You were left with memories that haunted you, moments that hurt to remember but felt impossible to forget. You knew, deep down, that she wasn’t the same girl you’d grown up with, that the person you’d loved was long gone.

And yet, the weight of it sat heavy, like an invisible chain holding you back.

You stopped going to the places you used to frequent together, stopped listening to the songs you both loved. You thought distance would help, that if you could just put enough space between you and her memory, you’d finally be free. But the scar she left was too deep. The memories didn’t fade; they stayed with you, a constant reminder of a love that had turned bitter.

The worst part was, you realized, that you still loved her in some twisted way. The memories of her, of the good times before everything fell apart, were a part of you that you couldn’t let go. She was a scar you couldn’t heal, a ghost you couldn’t escape.

And maybe, just maybe, a part of you was afraid that you’d never be able to let her go entirely.

-

Giselle wasn’t sure what went wrong.

One moment, she was heading home after yet another bad date, heels clicking against the pavement as she clutched her phone, scrolling through a string of half-hearted messages from the guy who’d seemed like a good match on paper but ended up as anything but. He’d been polite, decent-looking, even funny at times. But the entire night had felt… hollow. Forced. Empty in a way she couldn’t quite put into words.

She barely noticed her own steps changing direction, her feet carrying her somewhere familiar, somewhere she hadn’t been in ages. And before she knew it, she was standing at the edge of the old playground where you and she had spent countless afternoons together, racing down slides and swinging as high as you could go, daring each other to jump off at the last second.

The place hadn’t changed. The swings still creaked in that comforting, rusty way, and the worn-out slide was the same as ever. A wave of nostalgia hit her, stirring something deep inside. She almost smiled, but the ache in her chest was too sharp.

What had she even been thinking, she wondered, letting you go like that? She’d told herself it was your fault, that you’d been too sensitive, too weak. She’d built up a wall, convinced herself she’d done the right thing. But standing here, she felt the cracks in that wall spreading, threatening to bring everything down with it.

Her hand brushed over the chipped paint of the slide, a strange sadness bubbling up. She could almost see you there, hear your laughter, the way you’d tease her for being afraid to jump off the swing while you soared through the air without a second thought. Those moments had felt so simple, so… real.

She realized, with a sinking feeling, that maybe she’d lost the one person who had ever truly understood her.

She glanced around the empty playground, a hollow sense of regret settling in. She had dated since then, had gone out with people who showered her with compliments and treated her well enough. But none of them had ever made her feel the way you did. None of them had seen her the way you had. She tried to shake the thought away, but it clung to her, a stubborn ghost that refused to let go.

-

Meanwhile, you were… okay. Better than okay, actually.

It hadn’t been easy, getting over her. For months, the weight of her memory had felt like an anchor, dragging you down, keeping you tethered to a past that hurt to remember. But somewhere along the way, you’d managed to shake it off, bit by bit. You’d thrown yourself into new things, surrounded yourself with friends who brought out the best in you. Life was lighter now, free of the constant ache that used to sit heavy in your chest.

You’d learned to enjoy your own company again, to go out without the shadow of her looming over you. You went to new places, met new people, tried things you’d never thought to try before. There were days you didn’t think of her at all, days when you felt like yourself again, like a weight had lifted and you were free to be whoever you wanted to be.

One night, while out with friends, you found yourself laughing so hard your stomach hurt, genuinely, for the first time in a long time.

It was strange, realizing you didn’t miss her anymore.

The ache had faded, replaced by a sense of peace, a quiet acceptance of what was and what could never be again. You were okay with it. You were happy, even.

You hadn’t looked back at the old playground in months, hadn’t let yourself go back to the places that reminded you of her. You’d finally put that chapter behind you.

And it felt…liberating.

-

Back at the playground, Giselle sat down on one of the swings, her hands loosely gripping the chains as she rocked back and forth, letting the memories wash over her. She could almost hear your voice, the way you’d laugh as you tried to push her higher, always challenging her to go beyond what she thought she could. Back then, she’d loved that about you. Now, she felt the loss of it, sharp and unrelenting.

She was supposed to have moved on. That’s what she’d told herself, what she’d wanted to believe.

But in the quiet of the night, alone in a place filled with ghosts of what used to be, she felt the sting of regret settle in her chest like a wound that wouldn’t heal. It was different from her other breakups, the kind that left her with nothing more than a faint memory, forgotten after a few weeks. This one hurt in a way she hadn’t expected, a scar too deep to ignore.

Maybe the both of you were childhood friends? Maybe the both of you were each other's first love? Maybe this was you two's first break up?

It hit her, suddenly, how much she missed you. How much she missed *everything*—the quiet talks, the shared laughs, the way you’d been there for her, even when she pushed you away. She’d tried to bury it, to pretend it hadn’t mattered, but now, sitting alone in the darkness, she couldn’t escape it.

And maybe, she realized with a bitter smile, this was the cost of letting someone who truly cared about you slip away. The echoes of what could have been lingered, haunting her with every swing of the chains, every quiet creak.

She wondered if you’d forgiven her, if you’d moved on the way she was supposed to. The thought hurt more than she wanted to admit, but she knew she’d never get an answer. You were out there somewhere, living a life she wasn’t part of anymore. And she had no one to blame but herself.

The playground was empty and silent as she rose from the swing, feeling the weight of her own choices settle in, unshakeable.

-

The tunes whistled from your mouth were light and airy.

You decided to take a break from your routine one evening, heading out to grab some groceries. The sun was setting, casting a warm glow over the streets as you walked down familiar paths, feeling at ease in the skin you were slowly rediscovering. Life felt good, lighter without the weight of your past relationship clinging to you. The grocery store was just around the corner, and as you pushed through the automatic doors, the familiar sounds of carts and chatter surrounded you.

You grabbed a basket and began making your way through the aisles, casually tossing in essentials—bread, eggs, some snacks for your late-night snacks. The mundane act of grocery shopping was comforting, a small, simple pleasure. But as you rounded the corner into the liquor section, you froze.

Giselle.

Arms full of booze, like she was gearing up for a rough night. She wore the same careless look she’d always worn, lips slightly pursed, eyes focused on the labels with a calculated indifference. And then, without thinking, you let out a small, involuntary laugh.

It was almost comical, really.

After everything, after the breakup and the haunting memories, here she was, acting like nothing had changed. Like she could just keep moving on in that easy, self-assured way of hers. But something about the way she clutched that last bottle, fingers trembling just slightly, caught you off guard.

“Hey,” you found yourself saying, before you could think better of it.

She looked up, eyes widening slightly, then narrowed into something unreadable. “What are you doing here?” Her tone was sharp, almost mocking. Same old Giselle. She gave a short, cold laugh, tossing her hair back as if to brush you off like you were nothing more than a fleeting inconvenience.

“Just… groceries.” You shrugged, feeling the awkwardness settle between you. But something kept you there, rooted to the spot. Despite everything, you couldn’t walk away.

She watched you for a moment, her mouth twisting into something almost like a smirk, but there was a crack in her facade that you could see now—a vulnerability that hadn’t been there before. She tried to hide it, tried to carry herself with that same arrogant pride, but it was different. Her eyes looked hollow, a little desperate.

Without another word, you took some of the bottles from her, your hands brushing for a second. She didn’t resist, didn’t argue. She just looked away, almost embarrassed, and it was the most real she’d been in a long time.

“Let me at least walk you back,” you said, more of a statement than a question. "You don't want to just sleep on the street now, right?"

“Suit yourself,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “Not like I need your help, though.” Her voice was cold, dismissive, but the flicker of pain in her eyes betrayed her. She’d always been too proud to show any weakness, to admit when she was struggling.

The walk was quiet, filled with that uncomfortable silence that you both knew too well. She stumbled once, catching herself on your arm. You didn’t say anything, just steadied her, feeling the weight of everything left unspoken between you. Her grip tightened, and you could feel her fingers digging into your arm, like she was holding on to something more than just her balance.

After a while, you realized where you were headed—a nondescript hotel on the edge of town, the kind that began to run down after a few years, the kind with rooms that can be comparable to a prison cell. She let go of your arm, a bit too quickly, her face flushing as she fumbled with her keys.

“Staying here?” You couldn’t keep the surprise out of your voice.

“Just for now,” she replied, jaw clenched, defiance in her eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Why not just… I don’t know, go home? Or crash at a friend’s place?” You tried to keep the curiosity out of your tone, but the question hung heavy in the air.

She scoffed, but it sounded hollow, forced. “Why would I? I can take care of myself. Don’t need anyone.” But her voice wavered, just slightly, and for a second, she looked like she might break. She didn’t want to admit it, but you could see it in her eyes—she was struggling.

You sighed, a mix of frustration and pity welling up inside you. “Aeri… what are you doing?” You shook your head, feeling the weight of everything come rushing back, all the hurt, the pain she’d put you through. “This is just… horrible. Why are you even putting yourself through this?”

Her eyes flashed, that old arrogance flaring up. “What, you think I need you to tell me what to do?” She crossed her arms, glaring at you, but you could see the hint of desperation beneath the bravado.

“Actually, yeah,” you shot back, feeling your anger rise. “Because this? This isn’t strength, Aeri. This is you hiding, pretending like you don’t need anyone. Like you didn’t just ruin everything because you couldn’t handle being honest.”

She laughed, but it was a hollow, bitter sound. “Oh, and you’re the expert now?” Her voice was mocking, but her eyes betrayed her. “You don’t get it. I did it for us. I thought… I thought if I made you think I was all you had, that you’d never leave.”

You felt your chest tighten, anger flaring up like a wildfire. “All you had to do was be real with me! All you had to do was let me see the real you, not this… mask you wore every day. You broke me down, Aeri. And for what? Some twisted idea that I’d stay because I had no choice?”

She looked away, her hands clenched at her sides, her mouth a thin, stubborn line. “I didn’t think… I didn’t think you’d actually go.” Her voice was barely a whisper, filled with a raw vulnerability you’d never seen before.

“Well, I did. Because you left me with no choice.” You felt the weight of those words, felt the pain they carried. “And now… it’s too late. I can’t go back to who I was with you. You broke that part of me, Aeri.”

She opened her mouth, as if to say something, but no words came. Instead, she just stood there, staring at you, her pride shattered, her arrogance stripped away. And for the first time, you saw her—really saw her—raw, broken, and alone.

You stepped back, letting out a shaky breath. “Goodbye, Aeri. Our love was great…until it wasn't. ”

As you turned to leave, you heard it—a faint, choked sound, like the start of a sob. You didn’t turn around, didn’t let yourself look back. But in that moment, you knew. She was crying, silently, the first real tears for everything you’d both lost.

And you walked away, leaving her with the fragments of a love that could never be whole again.

[rxqueenotd]

damnatio memoriae:

In the Roman world, damnatio memoriae was used to describe a range of actions taken against former leaders and their reputations. These actions included: defacing visual depictions, removing heads from public statues, chiseling names off inscriptions, and destroying coins.

summary: reader, who goes by ‘Prima,’ was raised by a powerful Roman consul, under the reign of Imperator Septimius Severus. When it comes time for his eldest son, Caracalla, to marry again, a chain of events is set off, changing the course of Prima’s life and the lives around her.

⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡ ⟡

warnings: mentions of parental death, mentions of war, ancient rome as a warning all in itself.

notes: there’s a lot of backstory here but I promise it is all pertinent to the story! I really did my best to research and make sure to write something I’m proud of. The dates are 100% not correct and I also pulled characters from the show “Barbarians” on Netflix. Some of this is not historically accurate (for instance, their mother didn’t die till years later.) This idea, however, was born from A. Me being insane and B. Many sleepless nights. The events of this fic begin before Gladiator II and will not exclusively follow the movie’s timeline or chain of events (aka Caracalla’s brain isn’t fried in the beginning and no one important is dead… yet) also, big thanks to @trashmouth-richie for listening to me scream about this for months and @londonfog-chan for beta’ing and becoming a fast friend.

⟡ Imperator- Septimius Severus

⟡ Augustus- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus “Caracalla”

⟡ Caesar- Publius Septimius Geta “Geta”

I

Rome, Fall AD 205

“You have his favor, Prima,”

Varus had said, his words echoing in your mind like the toll of a distant bell. He spoke casually, the sun casting long shadows across the marble courtyard while the Imperator was being formally welcomed home by a group of high-born Romans, the elite nobility of the court.

“Mother, what did Varus mean by that?” you asked later that night, your voice muffled as you chewed a piece of bread at dinner. The flickering candlelight danced in the air, illuminating the empty chair across the table where your father should have been—his absence a perpetual reminder that Rome was his first wife, his first love, his everything.

“The Imperator favors you,” your mother began, her tone measured yet distant. “It is obvious that he has taken a special interest in you.”

Her words hung heavy in the air, laden with unspoken truths.

“Do you think the Augustus had his wife killed?” you questioned, your innocence shining through like pure snow under the midday sun.

Visibly annoyed, your mother sipped her wine, the deep red liquid swirling in the glass like her thoughts. She paused, searching for the right words to quell your endless questioning.

“Plautilla and her brother were exiled after their father’s death, which followed the confirmation of his treachery,” she said, her voice carrying an air of finality, as if she were divulging information that should be inherently understood, “No one is dead except the traitor.”

It was all she would give you, a riddle wrapped in a mystery, until you would later stumble upon the truth.

__________________________________________________________________

“Ari,” you whispered, pulling back the sheer curtain to reveal his figure, his back turned to you.

“What’s the matter?” you asked, joining him at the balustrade, looking out into the distance.

He shook his head, his expression somber.

“I’m being made prefect.”

He stood gazing longingly over the view of Palatine Hill, the moonlight casting a silvery glow on his breastplate. As he turned to face you, his eyes met yours, holding a depth that mirrored the ocean on a sunny day. To call Ari German would only be half true. When Varus had taken him from the Cherusci tribe as a child, a mere eight years old, he was intended as a token of their submission to Rome. Raised in the image of Rome under the guardianship of a renowned general, Ari had found himself instead in the care of your mother, surrounded by slaves, servants, tutors, and nursemaids. An unmarried Roman general had neither the place nor the time to be a father. Ironically, despite these circumstances, Ari had molded himself into your life as naturally as the turning of the tides. His hair, dark as the endless night sky, was flecked with subtle highlights, and his muscles tensed beneath the fabric of his tunic. For all intents and purposes, Ari was the epitome of a Roman citizen, a Roman officer—tall, broad, with a face chiseled from marble. It only made sense that he stood guard of your household when your father was away, which, admittedly, was frequent.

“Wow,” you replied sarcastically, “shall I pretend to be shocked?” Your gaze lifted to meet his, a rueful smile playing on your lips.

“It is the natural order of things, is it not?”

Ari nodded, his silence a heavy cloak around him.

“Tell me,” you pressed on, “do you believe the young Augustus had his wife killed?”

“Why?” Ari’s eyes sparkled with a playful smile, “Are you afraid you’re next?”

You sighed, the weight of the world seeming to press down upon you. “What are our fathers planning?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted honestly, his voice low, “But I’m not sure either of us have a choice in the parts we must play.”

__________________________________________________________________

Babylon/Parthia, Spring AD 206

When the moment for travel arrived, a goat was sacrificed on the altar in honor of Neptune, its blood soaking the ancient stones. You, alongside Ari, your father, Varus, and two of your most trusted servants, then embarked on a ship bound for Parthia.

“I understand why you’re here,” you said, peering at Ari through the blur of his swaying figure as the ship rocked on a particularly rough set of waves, “But I don't understand why your father is involved.”

“Germania,” Ari began, leaning in to make himself heard over the sound of the sea, “He has been appointed governor.”

You shook your head, a mix of surprise and concern flickering across your face.

“I wasn’t aware of that.”

Ari nodded solemnly. “We’re leading three legions.”

Varus, despite his strengths, had always struggled with acknowledging his faults. When he had taken Ari from his home—where he was born to their leader, the Reik—he viewed it as a rescue. However, his decision to revoke the agreement that exempted the tribes from paying tributes to Rome had sparked rebellions.

“I assume you’ll accompany him once this brief meeting concludes?”

“No,” Ari replied, shaking his head. “Father will present his plans to the Imperator and update him on recent events. Afterward, he and I will journey to meet with the nearest legion.”

“What?” You couldn’t hide your astonishment, “You’re leaving me?”

“You’ll be assigned a new set of guards soon,” Ari reassured, though his tone carried a hint of uncertainty.

You eyed Ari suspiciously just as Varus and your father descended the small set of steps, their gazes meeting yours expectantly.

Together, the two men had always been a force of nature. Varus, at the peak of his military career, had aligned with Septimius Severus when he seized power, claiming new territories in the name of the Imperator. A power vacuum had emerged following Commodus’s death, which your father exploited, advancing from the senate to being elected consul by the people—an office he maintained through each subsequent election. Where Varus led, your father inevitably followed, the bonds of their shared childhood—reared by the same nurses and tutors—unbreakably strong. It was only natural that the two of them would undertake this journey together—the culmination of their ongoing efforts to please the Imperator.

Upon your arrival in Parthia, the chaos unfolded before you, its impact muting your entrance. The once majestic city was a shadow of its former glory, stripped of its power and reduced to ruins.

Parthia had been devastated, its lands desecrated by the advance of the Roman army. Although your four-day voyage was free from conflict, your nerves raged, mirroring the tides after a fierce storm. Most of the Roman forces had moved northward, heavy with the spoils of war. This included hundreds of slaves and treasures beyond all imagination. Every village in their path had been ruthlessly flattened and set aflame. Every well poisoned, livestock slaughtered, the surviving Parthians–few and unfortunate– were mercilessly sent to meet their gods.

Formal greetings were promptly exchanged among the men. Nearby, two boys observed you intently. They were presumably the young Augustus, Caracalla, and his younger brother, Geta, who had not yet achieved the rank of his elder sibling, having only had the title of ‘Caesar’ bestowed upon him. You recalled meeting them years ago when their father had briefly governed Sicilia. All of you were mere children then, no older than six. Your father counseled as needed, allowing you to run freely with the two boys within the confines of the governor's villa under the strict eye of the nastiest nurse you had ever met. You had crossed the threshold of eighteen now, the elder brother barely a year your senior.

They stood an arm's length apart, arms crossed over their chests, eyes squinting as they scrutinized you from head to toe. You wondered how they hadn’t melted under the sun, their skin milk-white despite the unforgiving heat searing down.

As you approached the Imperator, you were taken aback when he grasped your hand and placed a chaste kiss on the back of it before you had even had a chance to bow your head.

“Prima,” he bellowed, his deep voice startling the servants behind you, “welcome to our humble camp.”

‘Humble’ was certainly a choice word. Even with half the army marching back towards Rome, numerous tents filled with officers, praetors, and generals were arranged in a grid-like formation along the wall that surrounded the city.

“Thank you, Imperator,” you replied with a smile. “It is my honor to be here.”

Next came a tour of the grounds and an explanation of the recent pillaging and destruction, led by Septimius with his two sons beside him and the rest of the men following. You were ushered away, escorted to where you would be sleeping, your servants trailing behind, pleasantly surprised to find your belongings had already been neatly arranged inside the elegant, yet functional, tent.

The antechamber was lit by two oil lamps, casting a warm glow that highlighted the tapestry emblazoned with your family's crest, a striking sight upon entering. The structure itself was supported by ornately carved wooden poles, strategically placed throughout the space. Fabric partitions divided the tent into designated areas for sleeping and dining, creating a sense of order and privacy.

A wooden bed, adorned with light bedding atop a plush feather mattress, promised comfort. Next to your sleeping quarters, a separate section was reserved for your servants, ensuring that both privacy and accessibility were maintained. Nearby, multiple chairs and folding tables were arranged, with the floor beneath them covered in luxurious animal skins.

"What do we do now?" asked Aeneas, your trusted servant and longtime friend.

You shrugged as you sat down on a chaise. "We wait."

__________________________________________________________________

Being seated between the two brothers at an early dinner was far from what you had expected. You knew they would be close, but having you sandwiched between them was less than ideal. As soon as you entered the room and saw them snickering, you could sense their mood. It had been years since you had been this close to either of them, but the memories of the insults hurled back and forth during your childhood were vivid. You quickly remembered the streak of cruelty that seemed to run deep in both brothers.

As a servant pulled out the chair for you, you smiled, bowed your head, and took your seat.

"How nice of you to finally join us," Geta remarked, his smile dripping with sarcasm as he took a modest sip of wine. Caracalla giggled beside you, prompting you to sigh.

"I came as soon as I was called," you assured him, picking up your glass for a sip.

"Brother, are you sure she wasn’t the servant? That slave they brought in was much better looking." Caracalla chimed in. At that moment, you knew exactly what game they were playing.

You huffed, but your smile never wavered.

"You know, the women in the palace snicker as you walk by. Caracalla, what exactly is a ‘penis aciculatus?’" you asked, maintaining a casual, laid-back smile.

"If you hadn't grown tits, I would’ve sworn you were a boy all this time," he retorted. "Perhaps you still are."

"And you would like that, wouldn’t you?" you spat back, leaving Caracalla speechless as Geta picked up the slack.

"Someone must tell the servants to stop feeding dogs at the table," Geta said as he grabbed your plate and handed it to the nearest servant.

"May I please have more olives?" you asked politely, receiving a nod from the servant who took your plate away. You sighed, relieved that a scene had been averted.

All three of you exchanged fake smiles, appearing to get along splendidly to the other men at the table, who were lost in their own conversations.

"I’m going to marry your father and have you both crucified," you smiled, letting out a faint laugh.

"Not if we kill you first," Caracalla retorted.

"I heard your father sent out a search party just to find someone willing to marry you, Prima," he added with a giggle.

"I’ve heard they had to hire servants of a certain height to follow you around just to reach things up high," you responded, eliciting a laugh from Geta, which in turn caused Caracalla to clench his fist, nearly rearing it back to land a punch in his brother’s direction.

“Prima,” Septimius called out, his booming voice cutting through the tension that was nearly turning physical between you and the brothers, “do you ride?”

“She does,” your father interrupted before you had the chance to respond, “I’ve always said she would have made an excellent charioteer in another life.”

Septimius smiled, nodding approvingly.

“Good, because there’s something I’d like to show you after dinner. A quick ride will get us there in no time.”

“Sounds excellent, Imperator,” you replied, offering him a genuine smile.

“‘Sounds excellent, Imperator,’” Caracalla mimicked in a high-pitched tone.

“No wonder your mother died,” you retorted calmly, “She probably couldn’t bear the thought of spending another moment with either of you.”

“Magae,” Caracalla hissed through clenched teeth, “You filthy little wench.”

You responded only with a smile, echoing his signature giggle back at him.

___________________________________________________________

Septimius rode at the center, astride his horse with Caracalla on his right and you on his left, flanked by a number of guards. The knowledge that the Praetorians had secured the surrounding blocks of Babylon, creating a protective bubble around the heart of the empire, did little to ease the knot of fear in your stomach. The possibility of a stray arrow, one capable of changing the fate of the empire, laid heavily on your mind as you rode through the town.

Caracalla was deep in conversation with his father about Alexander the Great, barely pausing for breath as the three of you approached the ornate building ahead.

“That building houses Alexander’s deathbed.” Septimius announced, slowing his horse.

His eyes sparkled as he glanced at Caracalla, offering him a glimpse of the past as if bestowing a wish upon him. You found it strange, recalling what little you knew of Alexander and his rise to the level of a god. Dismounting, Septimius assisted you down while Caracalla rushed ahead, his expression a mix of awe and fervor.

You wandered away from them towards the residential quarters of the palace, accompanied by two guards. The decor was as lavish as it was ancient, befitting a ruler though only governors had resided there for years. Entering a room, you stumbled upon a modest scene consisting of a bed raised on a three-step dais, a small tiled pool, and a simple podium. It was unremarkable, and you felt no urge to call out until Caracalla burst into the room, exclaiming, “This is it.”

“You like Alexander,” you observed, watching his reaction closely.

“No, I admire him,” he corrected sharply. “He expanded a small nation to rival the expanse of Rome in just thirteen years.”

“Julius Caesar also idolized him,” Septimius added, entering the room.

“And he was stabbed twenty-three times,” you blurted out impulsively.

Caracalla’s piercing gaze met yours, charged with an intensity that made the air around you feel heavy. Septimius smiled, as if you had made his point for him.

"Since you know everything, what do you know about Alexander?" Caracalla hissed, his eyes narrowing as he sized you up, testing your knowledge.

Septimius stood at the edge of the room, leaning against the doorway with baited breath, watching the exchange unfold.

"I know of his triumphs, his beginnings, his end," you began, your voice steady, "But I was always more fascinated by his mother, Olympias."

"They say she slept with a bed full of snakes." Caracalla interrupted with a dismissive wave.

"And she secured the throne for Alexander by orchestrating the death of his father and his young bride," you countered firmly.

"She had their newborn daughter dragged across a hot brazen iron oven. His wife slit her wrists and bled out in a warm bath because of her grief," Caracalla retorted, challenging your morality.

"Olympias ensured her son's legitimacy and handed him the empire on a silver platter," you responded, emphasizing her role in Alexander’s rise without highlighting her alleged brutalities.

"That's why I’ve brought you two here today," Septimius interjected, stepping forward and looking between you both. "Who we surround ourselves with is crucial—family is important, our legacy is important."

You exchanged a glance with Septimius, then Caracalla, absorbing the gravity of his words.

"The two of you will be married once we return to Rome," Septimius declared with a smile.

You quickly masked your surprise, bowing your head respectfully. Caracalla crossed his arms, his face contorting with disdain.

"I am grateful for the honor, Imperator."

"I am not marrying this witch, father," he spat vehemently.

Septimius gave you an almost apologetic look. "Prima, please leave us."

You exited as requested, their escalating argument fading behind you. Caracalla’s insult hung in the air.

"She probably sleeps with snakes!"

"Enough!" Septimius’s voice thundered.

Stepping outside, you exhaled deeply, not realizing you had been holding your breath.

Caracalla brushed past you, his shoulder bumping yours.

"Witch," he muttered under his breath as he mounted his horse.

"I assure you, the only snake I will ever lay with will be you," you shot back sharply.

For a moment, a smirk flickered across Caracalla’s face, almost pleased by your retort. But then his expression darkened, his jaw clenching as he grabbed the reins and rode off.

⟡ latin translations ⟡

⟡‘penis aciculatus’- prickly penis

⟡ magae- witch

if you’d like to be added to my tag list, just let me know.

dividers by @ghoulbloggerrr

[sunkissedliterarylightofchrist]

HA HA HA YES

There are definitely irks I have with the show, some major (shaking my fist at the TV) some minor (eh, I would've done it like __) and I could critique quite a bit of it (mostly the writing sadly) and would be happy to do so, but this post is just a list of everything I like about the show.

First to set the stage, we have what I personally define as the Spirit of Tolkein: selflessness in the face of Evil, how virtue will overcome evil, the will to battle temptation, an emphasis on humility, wisdom and knowledge, the simple life, and strong relationships. All depicted through the beauty and wonder of the writing and the setting. (If you have a different definition.... ah, well, that's a different conversation. This is the conclusion I've come to.) Let me run through them and show how this show nails all of these. (also this is mostly spoiler free. I think. I'll try. Being vague does not come easily to me😅)

Selflessness in the face of Evil

Being selfless in the face of Evil is really important, and can be split two ways I think. A) Being selfless can be a smack back at evil in general, even if it isn't exactly an 'evil thing' you're taking action against B) Having to choose between Good and Evil and by choosing Good, is being Selfless, because often doing the Evil, selfish thing would be a lot easier and more beneficial towards you.

This is praised in the show again and again and again. Many characters have a choice presented to them: do x, the easy and good-looking thing, for their own self-interest, or do y, the harder and scarier and sacrifical thing that might hurt them but help others. And often as a smack in the face of evil. This kid is offered a change at practically unlimited power that is from an evil source, and allured by it, starts to stray down that path, realizes the consequences of his own actions, and pulls back, confesses the wrong that he did to save others. That's just one vague example, there are a dozen.

And characters who are presented with this choice and choose to be selfish, then as a byproduct or purposefully choose evil as a result, are, or will be in future seasons, punished. The one guy that encouraged this kid to choose evil and egged him on until the kid made the right desicion? He dies later.

How Virtue will overcome Evil

Virtue! One of Tolkien's biggest talking points ever! And how by being virtuous, it directly overcomes Evil, even if it seems like a small thing. Choosing peace (or righteous war, depending on the circumstance, that can be virtuous too), truth, compassion, mercy, loyalty, kindness, love, etc etc, and often when the other person doesn't deserve it, is so highly stressed. And all of these virtues and more are wielded against characters/circumstances that represent evil, and the virtue of those choices and moments overcomes the evil.

There are twenty million examples of this in the show. Big and small. You'll see it, the utter goodness is very apparent.

The Will to Battle Temptation

Frodo and the Ring is one of the most iconic depictions of battling temptation of all time, point-blank period. The show carries this on too. The temptation for this one character to succumb to wrath and rage and having to beat it back with a stick (and mostly having other characters help pull her out of it) is a very big theme in the first season especially, and it continues in other ways as well. Season Two absolutely nails this with a character getting carried away by their hubris and want to create something great, but then at the end overcomes this temptation and wins the fight, even though they technically lose. It's so well done.

Humility

*screeches* I cannot emphasize enough how much they nail humility. Every good character has it in one way or another, and every evil character is prideful. Very clear morals and message. And one character starts out pretty prideful but then as the show continues is becoming more and more humble, and I predict by Season 3 they'll have had their full character arc and settle into their 'true self' if that makes sense.

Wisdom and Knowledge

Ah yes. The seeking and having of wisdom and knowledge is highly praised and sought after. Do not even have to explain this, it's Tolkien we're talking about here lol. One of my favorite moments is when Elrond risks his and Gil-Galad's life to prevent the Library of Celebrimbor from being destroyed. The preservation of knowledge is so cruical. Because knowledge and wisdom point back to the source of knowledge and wisdom.

The Simple Life

One of the really good things about The Hobbit and Trilogy is how the Hobbit's lifestyle (while some parts of Hobbit society are teased, or their complacency is sometimes frowned upon), is that the idea of a simple, hardworking life, is greatly loved. Doing hard physical labor by growing your own food, having close relationships with your kin, and celebrating every part of life and enjoying the gifts you have are all commented on and esteemed by other characters in other societies.

This theme isn't as central to the show's plot, but it'd definitely there. Especially with the dwarves. Even though it's a grand, Second Age show and story, with a lot of BIG stuff, they do weave some of these moments in and its very sweet.

Strong Relationships

THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. PERFECTLY DONE IN THE SHOW. BEST WRITTEN-PARTS. ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TOLKIEN DOES EVER.

We've got sibling-like best friend relationships, a found father-son relationship, strong parent-child relationships, healthy romantic (married!!!) relationships, 'normal' best friendships, relationships full of loyalty, honor, respect, hard choices, trust, love, tenderness, I could go on and on and on. This is the strongest writing of the show. The characters all have incredible chemistry with each other, and the actors play off of each other so well, I have just died with happiness so many times getting to watch all of these character interactions and relationships come to life. I need to make more posts gushing about my favorite ones.

I am so thankful that the show is doing this, because it seems to me in mainstream media today that broken relationships are the normal and its really disheartening to see such brokeness to be celebrated. But getting to see all of these strong, amazing relationships so well written and so well played out is just... the best.

And best part? All of these strong relationships point back to Christ. Which I'm sure some, or maybe all of that, is unintentional. I'm 95% sure that the actor for Elendil, Lloyd Owens is Christian/Catholic (I can explain why later), but besides that, I don't know if anyone working on the show is Christian. But that's the thing about incredible storytelling, isn't it? Good things naturally point back to the source of good, Jesus, whether its intentional or not. And every good relationship in the show points back to Him. And in a masterful way.

All depicted through the Beauty and Wonder of the Writing and the Setting

This is the absolute best part of the show, hands down. The sets, music, costumes, setting, and just overall beauty of the show are unparalled. They are even better than the OG trilogy. I mean, look at these! (ignore the bad quality on some of these please lol)

Settings (GORGEOUS)

Costumes:

And I cannot even begin to describe to you the beauty of the music. Bear McCreary has 10000% lived up to Howard Shore's legacy and every single track in the show is fire. He's used so many cool and rare instruments and is an excellent composer! Every soundtrack theme for each place and character brings them to life so much and its amazing. And the songs that do have vocals, whether choir 'ahs' or actual words, have gorgeous singing! (Fun Fact: he also composed they Percy Jackson show soundtrack!!! The theme for the Underworld, specifically the desert scene, uses the same instrument, a duduk I believe, and it sounds so similar and so cool! [I actually realized that he was the one who did it by watching the PJ show, recognizing his composing style from RoP, then frantically Googling it to then be thrilled I was right lol])

Beauty in Tolkien is so important. This guy's descriptions of places and people are some of my favorite writing ever and the style I eagerly took inspiration from as a baby writer when I first started out. And the Peter Jackson trilogy did a really good job at capturing the physical beauty of Middle Earth! Each time I watch those movies I am filled with nostalgia and a longing for it. (*cough* human heart longing for Eden *cough*)

Rings of Power has absolutely bumped it up. Having a lot more money helps lol. They've hired incredibly gifted people to work super hard on all of this. The sets, music, costumes, items, the intricate detail of every single thing is utterly beautiful and incredible to see. Almost everything in this show is practical, they've used CGI a shockingly small amount and it shows. It is utterly gorgeous. I have just been blown away with every watch and rewatch.

Beauty points back to God. And this show points back to True Beauty in every way.

Finally, here are a few extra bits that I really like about the show that don't quite fit neatly into the categories above.

Acting and Characters

The acting! Superb! Every one of these actors deserves an award. They are I N C R E D I B L E. I need to make an entire post talking about how each of these characters is acted to perfection. The face acting some of these people have??? It's amazing! The way they carry their characters differently after different events! So so so good. I am just blown away, they all need awards.

Now. I am going to say something very controversal that many people who I've told this opinon to Do Not Like. I think it is absolutely stupid that people are discrediting the show because of its 'forced ethnic representation'. Sorry.

Yeah, in Tolkien's work, there isn't much of anything said about black elves or dwarves or Mediterranean and Middle Eastern Numenoreans and Southlanders. But that doesn't mean they aren't there. And having a diverse cast doesn't automatically make the show bad. It does the total opposite I think. Every one of these actors deserves to be here and is incredibly capable. And it is true that we do need good representation in media- and we've got to do it well.

Amazon has done this incredibly tastefully. Some movie companies (*hem hem hem* DISNEY I'M GLARING AT YOU) have just black-washed characters, called it representation, and have moved on with their day having checked all the boxes. Sometimes I think changing a character's ethnicity when doing a remake can be good, if it is done well. There has been a couple cases Disney switched things up and I thought it was good. But for the most part, its forced representation and poorly done. And nobody likes that.

But that is NOT what Rings of Power is doing. The thing about how Amazon is doing it that I utterly respect is all of their diverse and incredible characters are their own original guys. And it adds a LOT of depth to the show, and it is GOOD REPRESENTATION. If they had made Galadriel, Elrond, Celebrimbor, or another canonical white character that is white because it adds to their character and is central to the plot had been made black, I've probably would've been pretty upset. Because part of what defines Galadriel is her physical appearance. If that had changed that it would've changed her character.

But they haven't. And that's my point. They are doing the diverse representation in the way that I think all adaptation people should do it! With their original characters in a way that adds to the story and with incredible actors. Not to mention that the acting from those characters is some of the best in the show. Rings of Power is quite literally what I think should be the gold standard of representation in media, specifically adaptations.

Anyway. That's what I think. I'll die on this hill. Moving on.

Practical Stuff and Cinematography

Like I've already said, almost all of their sets were actually built and actually acted in. There are very few scenes that a green screen was used on. And it shows! Everything looks so real and so fluid beacsue it IS so real and so fluid. I love it. Sets? Real. Stunts? Real. Lighting? Real. Everything is real! To my knowledge, the only things they've used much CGI on is the monsters! And even then, they have practical frames as the bulk, and the CGI is to just smooth things over.

The practical effects in this show are some of the most amazing things ever. LOOK AT THE ORCS.

THEY USED REAL PROSTHETICS AND IT LOOKS AMAZING!!!

LOOK AT THE STUNTS THAT THEY'VE DONE!!

(Sadly I can't find many good stunt RoP gifs but just trust me on this. I have gasped so many times over what hard work these guys have done for fight scenes.)

And the way that they've used cinematography and lighting and camera angles is just... masterful. I'll have to give so many specific examples later. It's some of the best filmaking I've ever seen, they've used the budget ~wonderfully~ You get sucked into the moment and it's amazing.

Appreciating the Story

Now I'm gonna be slightly blunt. I think a lot of people hate the show because they're, for lack of a better term 'purists'. Which isn't a bad thing! Having these people in every fandom is super important! Keeps its foundation solid. I'm one of these people in many cases.

But when looking at a work where the literal purpose is to deviate from some of what Tolkein wrote, and then get angry when it isn't a word-for-word recreation is silly. In Amazon's contract with the Tolkien Estate, it was a key condition that they could NOT reproduce anything from the Silmarillion except on a case-by-case basis that had to be approved by the Estate first. They bought the rights to the Fellowship, Two Towers, Return of the King, Hobbit, and Appendices. And they agreed with the Estate to make a Second Age show. This means that they have limited material to work with. They are REQUIRED to deviate from Tolkien's original story about those early tales in many cases. So a lot of people are angry that they didn't do x, but they literally are not allowed to. They have to take creative licence with many of these storylines. And the way that so many people are ripping every single little detail about the show to threads just makes me so upset. You are getting hung-up over the tiniest things! JUST ENJOY THE STORY. If you nit-pick the death out of everything of course its gonna die. You are holding RoP to an impossible standard.

This is another reason why many people didn't like the first season so much, but love the second a lot more. Because in Season 1, they had to set the chessboard and make a lot of stuff up and change quite a bit so they could actually have room to move. Then in Season 2, we have a lot more canon stuff that we see in stuff like the appendices, which they did SO WELL. With the writing of the show, you do have to hold a lot of the canon stuff loosely because you have to. But once you let go and sit back and enjoy this new story, it is utterly fantastic, and lines up with the Spirit of Tolkien at almost every turn, which I've already shared.

Huzzah. This is why I love Rings of Power. I've probably missed a thing or two but that's pretty much all of it. Please watch it. *bows*

It annoys me to no end with so many people saying that Rings of Power isn’t ‘in the spirit of Tolkien’ when they haven’t even watched it.

Seriously? There are things I do not like about the show and wish they had done differently, but almost all of it is utterly amazing. Every person who’s worked on that project has poured so much time and effort into it, and for an incredible result.

And by the way, when you say ‘spirit of Tolkien’ what do you even mean? How are you defining that? Because that show absolutely screams Tolkien by my measurement, not to mention his literal family is working on the project personally, and it 100% measures up to Peter Jackson’s work.

And you haven’t even watched it. Just watch it and try it. You watch enough bad media already just to criticize it, why not this? You’re gonna like it more than you think.

[eatmyheartoutjpg]

𓇻 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦 ᵃᵐᵇᵉˢˢᵃ ᵐᵉᵈᵃʳᵈᵃ ˣ ᵍⁿ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 ;; Headcanon. Romantic/Wholesome. SFW. General, overall headcannons Ambessa Medarda with you (Arcane). 𝘼/𝙉 ;; First Arcane fic here! I hope you guys enjoy! Might add onto this if it's really liked.

11.21.24

— Ambessa never outright claimed to be with you, but everyone knew. It was impossible to ignore the way she looked at you, how her piercing, commanding gaze always softened in your presence. The unspoken bond between you was clear, even to the most casual observer. — She was undeniably fond of you.

— Though you weren’t dating, engaged, or married, the connection between you two was undeniable. You spent an absurd amount of time together, always by her side, offering her your company whether it was necessary or not.

— You weren’t a servant or a subordinate—don’t get it twisted. You were much more than that. A close confidant, a trusted companion, and perhaps something more—though Ambessa would never admit to loving you.

— Ambessa valued you too deeply to treat you as anything less than an equal, refusing to order you around or regard you as just another soldier under her command. — She called it “fondness,” never putting a more specific label on her emotions. For her, it was simpler that way. It wasn’t a romantic love, nor did it stem from sexual desire. What she craved was your presence alone. You were her calm amidst the storm. — For example, during her rare moments of downtime, such as lounging on a couch and indulging in fresh grapes, she’d still ask for your company. To her, it didn’t matter what she was doing—whether doing paperwork, working out, indulging in wine, or doing absolutely nothing—you needed to be there. Your presence was as essential to her.

— This respect and value she placed on you extended far beyond what others might have expected. Ambessa, known for her formidable strength and unshakable pride, showed refusal in indulgence. She avoided the temptations of foreign escorts or other offered pleasures, choosing instead to keep her dignity intact when you were around. She wouldn’t dare lower herself in your eyes. — Instead, when on expeditions in foreign lands, she turned her attention to things she thought you might enjoy.

— During a visit to Piltover, for instance, to see her daughter, Mel Medarda, Ambessa chose not to indulge in distractions. She dismissed her guards and subordinates, deciding instead to explore the city with only you by her side. It was a quiet, intimate moment—just the two of you walking through the bustling streets. — Mel was unsurprised to see you. She had grown accustomed to your constant presence in her mother’s life, even before her exile. In truth, Mel recognized the subtle influence you had on Ambessa—a quiet thread of reason tethering her mother to a semblance of humanity. If you weren’t there, Mel suspected, a few more heads might have rolled over the years.

— And yet, you didn’t seem disturbed by Ambessa’s brutality. At most, you were slightly unsettled, but you understood her. You saw the reasons behind her actions. That was enough for you.

— You accepted her for who she was, flaws and all, offering her something she rarely allowed herself: unconditional companionship — You’ve become her moral compass in a way she’d never admit. She catches herself pausing before making decisions, wondering how you’d react or whether you’d approve. — You’ve introduced her to softer moments in life. For example, you’ve convinced her to take small breaks to watch sunsets, sit by the waters, or enjoy simpler meals without grand banquets. She doesn’t say it, but these are some of her favorite moments. — Because of you, she has developed a subtle patience. Where she once might have resorted to immediate, bloody solutions, she now considers alternatives—though she’ll always default to force if her hand is forced.

— Ambessa doesn’t openly show affection, but her actions speak volumes. She remembers every small detail about you—your favorite foods, your preferred wine, the exact temperature you like your tea—and ensures they're always available wherever you go.

— She doesn’t say it outright, but she makes sure you're warm in cold climates by draping her signature red cloak over your shoulders.

— Ambessa always positions herself between you and potential threats, even in mundane situations like crowded markets or political meetings. Her protective nature is subtle but unyielding, her large figure easily covering you. — Whenever she returns from a journey without you, she always brings back a small token—a beautifully carved trinket, a rare flower, or a piece of jewelry she claims “caught her eye” from the market.

ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ᶜᵒⁿᵗⁱⁿᵘᵉᵈ

[dissapointu]

“More to Love”

How each of the main Arcane characters treats you as a chubby partner, supports you through insecurities, and makes you feel completely loved:

Jinx

Jinx is immediately drawn to your softness, both inside and out. She’s not one to care about societal norms or what people say about appearances, and she makes that very clear.

“Who cares what they think?” she says, draping herself across you like a cat. “You’re perfect just the way you are. Besides, all this?”—she squeezes your side playfully—“makes you the best cuddle buddy ever.”

Jinx can sense when you’re feeling insecure, even if you don’t say it out loud. She’ll do anything to cheer you up: crack jokes, pull you into impromptu dance sessions, or draw silly caricatures of people who make you feel less-than.

When she notices you being hard on yourself, she’ll sit you down and make you look her in the eyes. “You’re mine, okay? I don’t want anyone else, so stop thinking you’re not good enough for me. You’re more than enough.” Her words may be blunt, but the sincerity in her voice is undeniable.

She loves running her fingers along your curves, tracing patterns absentmindedly while cuddling. “You’re like a human marshmallow,” she says with a grin. “Sweet, soft, and impossible not to love.”

Vi

Vi is fiercely protective of you, and your insecurities are no exception. She’s always the first to notice when you’re down on yourself and refuses to let those thoughts win.

“Hey,” she says firmly, gently tipping your chin up to meet her eyes. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. I love every inch of you—every single inch. Got it?”

She’s all about actions, too. If someone makes a rude comment about your weight, they’re likely to get a very stern talking-to (or worse) from her. “No one messes with my girl,” she’ll growl, wrapping an arm around you protectively.

Vi also has a way of making you feel like the most beautiful person in the world without even trying. Whether she’s pulling you into her lap, complimenting the way your clothes fit, or leaving kisses along your jawline, she never misses an opportunity to show you how much she loves you.

“More of you to love,” she says with a cheeky grin, kissing your cheek. “Lucky me.”

Caitlyn

Caitlyn’s love for you is steadfast and unwavering. She’s always been someone who values a person’s heart and character above all else, and she makes sure you know that.

“Darling, your worth isn’t tied to your size,” she tells you gently, holding your hands in hers. “You’re beautiful to me in every way that matters.”

Caitlyn is incredibly supportive when it comes to helping you feel confident. She loves taking you shopping for clothes that make you feel amazing, offering compliments that never feel forced. “That color looks stunning on you,” she’ll say with a smile, her eyes sparkling with genuine admiration.

When insecurities creep in, Caitlyn is patient and understanding. She’ll sit with you, listen to your concerns, and remind you of all the reasons she fell in love with you. “You’re my everything,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “And nothing will ever change that.”

Ekko

Ekko is all about making you feel like a rockstar. He loves hyping you up, whether it’s complimenting your smile, your laugh, or the way you light up a room just by being in it.

“Do you even realize how incredible you are?” he asks, spinning you around playfully. “Because if not, I’ll remind you every single day.”

He’s quick to shut down any negative thoughts you have about yourself. “You’re so much more than what you see in the mirror,” he says, pulling you into a hug. “You’ve got this light, you know? And I’m the luckiest guy in the world to be near it.”

Ekko’s favorite thing is dancing with you, holding you close and spinning you around like you’re the star of your own music video. He loves how free and alive you look when you let go of your insecurities, and he’ll do anything to make you feel that way more often.

Silco

Silco may not be the most openly affectionate partner, but his devotion to you is undeniable. He values your intelligence, your loyalty, and your kindness above all else, and he makes sure you know it.

“You underestimate yourself,” he says, his voice calm but firm. “You see flaws where I see strength. Don’t let anyone, not even yourself, diminish your worth.”

When you express insecurities, Silco listens intently, his gaze sharp and focused. He doesn’t offer empty platitudes but instead reminds you of the qualities that make you unique. “You’ve faced so much, and yet you stand tall. That’s what I admire most about you.”

Though he’s not one for public displays of affection, Silco shows his love through small, meaningful gestures: a hand on your back, a kiss on your temple, or the way he always makes time for you, no matter how busy he is.

“You’re mine,” he says simply, his voice low and steady. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Vander

Vander is a comforting presence, always making you feel safe and cherished. His love is warm and steady, like the foundation of a home.

“You’ve got nothing to be insecure about,” he says, pulling you into a bear hug. “You’re perfect to me, just the way you are.”

Vander has a way of making you feel loved through his actions. He’ll cook your favorite meals, leave little notes of encouragement, and hold you close whenever you need reassurance. “You’ve got a heart bigger than anyone I’ve ever met,” he tells you, his voice full of pride. “And that’s what matters.”

When you’re feeling down, Vander’s the first to remind you of your worth. “The world’s tough enough without you being hard on yourself,” he says gently. “Let me worry about keeping you safe, and you just focus on being the amazing person you already are.”

All of these characters love you for who you are, making it clear that your worth goes far beyond appearances. Whether it’s through words, actions, or unwavering support, they remind you every day just how loved and cherished you are.

[clueless-fan-critic]

Agatha All Along: the Magical Sequel to WandaVision

So…I’m pretty late to the bandwagon, but I finally got fully through the entire series.

And I loved it!!!! The lore, the atmosphere, the characters, everything fell perfectly into place. After finally finishing and rewatching the show, it has become my top favorite show along side WandaVision. I'm always a sucker for anything with witches, spells, deities, and other mythological elements. I've been a big fan of the Scarlet Witch, both in the comics and Elizabeth Olsen's stellar performance. But enough praise, let me explain what this show has in store.

Agatha All Along is the sequel series to WandaVision that follows Agatha Harkness, previously trapped in Wanda's spell, on a journey beyond Westview. And onto the Witches Road with a makeshift coven on her side.

With all that out of the way, I will examine the finer details full of spoilers and dramatic twists that are much better if you go into the show blind. Now, Down the Road We Go!!!

Down the Witches Road...

The Witches Road is the main setting for all the major conflict in the show with a magical MacGuffin playing a role for each of the witches. As they progress, each character fulfills their own desires by overcoming the trials: Jennifer Kale learns to be a witch without her powers, Alice Wu-Gulliver overcomes her family curse, and Lilia Calderu embraces life despite her upcoming death. However, there were hiccups along the way with Sharon Davis's death, Agatha confronting her mother's ghost, and Rio Vidal's reveal as Mistress Death. But the major twist is that... The Witches Road never existed in the first place and Agatha made up the Ballad to lure witches for her to absorb. And Teen, later Billy Maximoff/Kaplan, made it real in a way like Wanda's Hex.

What I could tell was that each trial played a role in a character's journey, magic, and an element they represent: Jennifer as potions and water, Alice as protection and fire, Agatha as spirit, Lilia as divination and air, and Rio/Death as earth. The trials were more or less reflections of the characters in essence like Alice's trial related to music and Agatha's trial was more about what she has become and is. In the end, many of the characters got what they wanted from the road ironically since Agatha only gathered the coven to gain more power for herself.

Witchcraft is a huge staple in this show that embraces the more mysterious and spiritual sides of magic. Making it distinct from Sorcery by the Masters of Mystic Arts which looks more like the Avatar's Bending Arts if anything. It gives us a different way of seeing magic used by actual witches with spells and potions and even riding broomsticks.

Although we don't really know why, I think Agatha's magic draining power is a "mutation" that makes her incapable of creating her own magic and instead steals it from others. We also don't get any clues to how she got the Darkhold, just a rumor about her giving up her son for it. Maybe someone gave it to her and manipulated her into seeking out Wanda by promises of giving her power or resurrecting her son. Those were the only plot holes that kind of bothered me in the end, but aren't important... yet.

One by One We Carry On...

All the actors portray their characters flawlessly, but I did not expect Agatha to remain the same evil character throughout til the end. I thought they would pull some sort of "Zuko" scenario in a short period. But no, they keep the same but more sympathetic and relatable. Agatha goes from an evil witch killer to a grieving mother who's also a witch killer. Despite falling in love with Death, Agatha still lost her child Nicholas Scratch and still continued building the legend of the Witches Road to pursue more power. While it doesn't justify her actions, we get a bit of an understanding into why she does what she does.

While Billy is a great character, I didn't feel he had those "Epic Epiphany" moments like with Lilia completing the Divination trial and her final showdown with the Salem Seven. I still think he'll go to that point in some other project but he does grow into a stronger character from his experiences.

One of the witches who stood out the most is Lilia Calderu. The strongest episode is Death's Hand In Mine where she takes center stage as the main character. Lilia was characterized in a very strong way where she's definitely not a Mary Sue who wins because it happens. We see how Lilia experiences time randomly and how much she struggles to live with it. She uses her Divination powers to outsmart the Salem Seven in one badass move, but ultimately sacrificing herself while finally reclaiming her power.

The only thing I felt was unnecessary were the Salem Seven. They only play the role as an obstacle rather than a major antagonist like Mistress Death.

Now that we finally know who Rio is, it makes sense with how she drops bread crumbs in her scenes including her arrival on the Witches Road, the Ouija board's message, and even how she talks with Agatha about their history.

The casting and dialogue feels both organic to the actors and technically skilled in how they include previous characters from other shows like Sharon Davis and Ralph Bohner/Randall. All without being forced or contrived, it feels necessary for Westview to become the place where magic goes awry.

With where the series end, I really want to know how they can top or connect this to the next saga.

What Lies Ahead...

With the overloaded schedule of upcoming MCU projects, sudden hiatuses, and crazy leaks, we can only hope for some definitive answer to how plot holes are filled in. Will we get the resurrected Tommy Maximoff/Shepard meeting White Vision? How did Agatha get the Darkhold before Westview? Is Billy going to become a Young Avenger with his codename Wiccan? And will we get a sorcerers vs witches battle? All completely up in the air and slowly driving fans psychotic with anticipation.

With that said, Agatha All Along is more than enough to keep us satiated with amazing performances, alluring settings and designs, and intriguing witch mythos. I am hoping for more witches and magic being incorporated into the MCU and having writers learn that a character doesn't need to be redeemed into a hero so long as they are compelling to relate to.

Now, What Will You Find Down The Road?

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

Lee Know Jealousy

SKZ Jealousy series pt. 2: (when they're in a serious relationship do they get jealous at all? What makes them jealous if they get jealous? How do they act in a relationship? What's their response/behavior when jealous? How do they handle it?)

If anyone has ever told you he’s not jealous they’re a liar. Fibber. Deceiver. Storyteller, even. Believe nothing they’ve ever said after that. Lee Know and Jealousy are two peas in a grenade.

First off, when he’s jealous you’ll know. He’s not the type of person who won’t show it out of fear for what will happen if he does. He’s just not. He stands his ground and isn’t about to let some weirdo flirt with his partner right in front of him. That’s not how he operates.

He fights for what’s his. And that includes whoever he’s with. If he DOESNT get jealous…He simply doesn’t care. Doesn’t want you anymore. Because his jealousy is part of him fighting for his partner and their relationship because he WANTS it and doesn’t want any threats to it.

He wants a stable relationship. Anything that would stoke jealousy is a threat to the relationship’s stability, plain and simple. And he won’t be satisfied until that thing is over and done with. Out of the picture and out of his life. For good.

He has a very restless mind. He overthinks, and over analyzes. He can’t help the thoughts that come up that’re jealous when his partner is a little too friendly with another guy. Because he’s a thinker. And once someone stokes that jealousy in him it will keep bubbling up. It will linger in the back of his mind.

He holds onto things a lot. So I WOULD NOT recommend getting him jealous on purpose. He will remember. And trust me, it will stack up against you. That’s how he is.

Generally he’s content and comfortable with his jealousy. It’s part of him. He doesn’t hide or deny it. Hell, he’d tell you he’s a jealous person if you asked. He’s always been that way. And he has a wealth of it to give out.

Jealousy builds and builds and builds with him. And it will stay until he’s 100% sure what started it will not be an issue again.

But even then he probably would throw it back in your face during arguments if it’s still lingering in his mind.

He’s content in his jealousy. But that doesn’t mean it’s not draining. If you constantly flare it up, he will feel like he can’t trust you. And trust is the most important thing to him in relationships.

Make him too jealous and he’ll be exhausted. Helpless. It’ll affect his self esteem slowly but surely, make him wonder why his partner keeps doing these things that make him jealous when they have him. It’ll make him doubt the relationship and his partner’s love for him, point blank period. And he may lose focus or interest in the relationship.

But he also doesn’t mind a jealous partner. Im getting a balance and equality there.

He wants to work past whatever it is that made him jealous. Because if he’s with you and caring and trying he loves you. And he doesn’t like losing those he loves, contrary to popular belief. And conversely he wants to know if the actions caused by his jealousy hurt. He’s like that with most things. He can say and do hurtful things but he won’t know they are unless he’s told. And he wants to be told. He doesn’t care if he is at any point as long as he is.

He will act like it’s fine after all is said and done but it’s not. It lingers. It causes a lot of turbulence in him. He’ll probably be on edge and the jealousy will be quick to flare back up. He’ll constantly be looking out for something.

The type to go through his partner’s phone without them knowing.

He may keep it a secret if it lingers too long because he doesn’t want to start rocking the boat for something that’s passed.

But he will throw it in your face in an argument.

Just a lot of emphasis on VII of Swords specifically here.

He likes it when he can get over these things. Or when he feels he doesn’t have to hide it and can safely express its still bothering him with his partner. It makes him feel grateful for them. Grateful that they’re understanding of it. Like he’s lucky.

It makes him all the more content and emotionally satisfied in that relationship/situation.

This can start a lot of arguments though. Jealousy. And he’s not the kindest in arguments because his priority is protecting himself and his own peace.

He can be aggressive and say very hurtful things with no real compassion. He may possibly feel guilty or ashamed after the fact if he realizes it hurts you and he…Well, cares, but he’ll very rarely offer an apology unless you express how much it hurt after.