#I couldn’t write for like 3 years and then I wrote like 20k in a month by literally. messaging my friends LMAO

[secndlife]

rewriting old stories is such a crazy process

[nouies]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

thanks to @allwaswell16 for tagging me! i enjoyed reading your answers a lot! 1. List of works published this year:

ready for a war

Devoted

fuck around, find out

seven, seven

the embers are new

bet on it

Harmony

Cold Spring

two languages, one love

could start a cult

must be love

don’t let the fire die

2. Work you are most proud of (and why): i’m proud of all of them for different reasons, this is very hard to choose. i’m going to say Harmony bc it was the first time i made a collab with an artist.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why): not necessarily a work but i’m not proud that i couldn’t meet my writing goals set for this year (writing a fic longer than 20k words, finishing a wip i’ve had for three years).

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing: from fuck around, find out

“Everything looks lovely but please, call me Louis. What was your inspiration for the menu, Chef Styles?” Louis asks, beaming. Harry lets out a laugh, refocusing his gaze to the dining area. “I’ll call you Louis if you call me Harry, can we agree on that?” Once he gets a nod of confirmation, he continues. “When Oli mentioned you wanted to retribute to the people working for the movie, and that you wanted it to feel personal, it immediately made me think of the time I arrived in New York. I was a youngster, with no family in the city and only a promise of a job that I wasn’t sure I was talented enough to fulfill,” Harry tells, remembering the nerve-wracking feeling of accepting the sous chef position when he was so young and with not much expertise. “Uh, an old lady by the name of Vittoria welcomed me to her house. She was like a second mother to me, sharing with me not only her home but her culture as well. She came to the States with her parents when she was just a toddler but grew up surrounded by the Italian community. We used to have gatherings every weekend with all her family—and I mean all the family, children, grandchildren, neighbors…I learned a lot from her, from all of them. And I used that as an inspiration for today. You’ll see three courses of my version of some of the food I had the pleasure to share with Vittoria and her family. Just wait until you try the tiramisù…it’s to die for,” he ends with a sigh. When he looks back at Louis, he notices something on his face. Fondness, maybe?

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received: i love getting comments, and there are so many that i keep in my heart that it’s hard to choose. i love especially the ones under my rare pair fics bc it’s when ppl usually tell me that they don’t read rare pairs but they gave it a chance bc of me. it means more than words can express when someone trusts you like that.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard: when i was ill around july and i kept changing and changing my blff prompt. i was very close to drop out bc i thought i wouldn’t make it. fortunately i did and i finished my second fic on time.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: writing Pedro Pascal surprised me a lot lol like i’ve obviously read Louis/Pedro fics before but i had never entertained the idea of writing one myself and it was a nice surprise. also, writing Louis/OMC wasn’t on my plans either but i welcomed it.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year: i personally don’t see any growth.

9. How do you hope to grow next year: i just hope to finish the ideas that i have. i don’t expect for them to be masterpieces, i just need them to be finished.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): definitely my friends, the ones that read pairings or tropes they don’t like only bc it’s me writing them, the ones that hype my fics even if they don’t know if the story is good yet, the ones that offer their help and their advice to help me improve.

thank you to Anitra @allwaswell16 for being so supportive all this year, for betaing my works and offering your advice, and for encouraging me to keep going.

thank you to Emma @alltheselights who always reads my fics and leaves gorgeous comments under them, your support means a lot to me.

there’s three fics that wouldn’t exist without Mar @sunbellylou so thank you so much, my love, for being an inspiration to write the filthiest things.

thank you to Kenny @luviebaybie for being the most supportive even when life gets busier and busier. thanks for taking the time to beta for me, i appreciate it a lot!

thank you to Andy @outropeace for inspiring me to write abt Louis and the bodyguard, and for teaching me how to write a smau.

thank you to @linhuine, @smittenwithlouis, @nooradeservedbetter, @lemelous, @punkpillowprincess, @voulezloux, @disgruntledkittenface, @tokyolou, for your constant support and your friendship.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: fortunately nothing bc i write romantic stories, no sad stories 🤭

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: joining fic fests is not only an opportunity for you to shine, it’s a chance to build community so pls support works from the other authors in the fest, that’s what a fest is about.

also, hide your stats from ao3. there’s a lot of freedom in not knowing if your fic has hits and kudos or if it doesn’t.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: YES! i’m only working on two projects and i’m so excited abt them. the first one it’s a collab between me and @lemelous so expect a lot of gorgeous art, and the second one is a Louis/SebStan wip i couldn’t finish this year.

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)@voulezloux, @nooradeservedbetter, @disgruntledkittenface if you haven’t done this already.

*All answers should be about works published in 2023

[charmspoint]

Full Foreword

(Context: I wrote a long foreword for dance with the devil but AO3 nerfed me so I'm posting it here :3)

On 30th of June 2021 I published Rabid Dreams, Neon Lights and Your Teeth on My Tongue. It was supposed to be a one shot for an exchange, one that I at first struggled to write, before suddenly managing to find my stride. And what I wrote ended up capturing my imagination so intensely and viciously that on the night I posted it, I started planning the first prequel.

It’s now 14th of June 2024.

Three years later and we are finally here.

In many ways, this fic is my child. I truly think it’s some of the best writing I’ve ever done and certainly the best, most in depth character study I’ve ever done. This fic technically has two iterations, because when I first started writing it, it was supposed to be a 10k oneshot...then a 20k oneshot...then a 70k oneshot. Faced with such a big number, I couldn’t in my right mind post it all together and expect people to read 70k incessant words of a deep au (without a ship dynamic!) so I set to separating it into chapters. To separate it into chapters each previous section of the oneshot had to be rounded into a story that could stand as a chapter, and then of course there were some things I ended up not liking about certain arcs so I changed them, expanded them, shifted the character roles around, gave certain characters more screen time and more impact and well...you can expect to read about 101k words once this fic is fully finished. Just of this. Just of the prequel from Satoru’s POV. It’s hands down the biggest thing I’ve ever written and the big word count is one of the reasons this took so long. The other reason is that I wanted to have a weekly posting schedule. Currently, all chapters save from last two have been fully written, beta read and edited. I’m confident I can give you a regular posting schedule every Friday around this time.

Now for some dedications.

Firstly, this fic is dedicated to Sesshom0ru, who originated the initial prompt that fired off the oneshot and then this fic right after it. Thank you for patiently waiting for the prequel that was promised to you three years ago lmao!

Secondly, this fic is dedicated to Frappe. I met Frappe when she did art for CotA and we became very good friends, so much so that she was quickly wrapped up into the production of this fic. Frappe was going to draw the cover for this fic as well as spot art for each chapter. We were both very excited about it and talked about it constantly and some of that art, especially the cover which is completely stunning, does exist. But unfortunately, Frappe fell out of contact almost two years ago. I don’t know what happened to her but I hope it’s nothing bad. I hope life was just life and she got carried away with it, I still hope I see her discord avatar pop up in my dms again. Out of respect for Frappe I won’t be posting any of the art she had made for the fic, but this fic is still dedicated to her and I hope that one day she still gets to read it. This is for you Frappe, thank you for loving my boys as much as I did <3.

Thirdly, and most importantly, this fic is dedicated to Ker, my beta reader. If there are readers here who had read multiple of my fics, they are probably familiar with Ker’s name. Ker beta reads most of my big projects and most of the little ones that I think are really good. The reason you might have been seeing less of their name pop up in current projects is because I had them sat and beta reading 18 chapters for this crazy fic. And they did such a wonderful job with it too. I honestly couldn’t ask for a better beta reader if I tried, couldn’t find one if I searched the whole internet for them. Ker brings such incredible love and attention to detail to beta reading and editing my fics. I’ve had a fair number of people edit my fics, but only Ker does it with such care and attentiveness. I often say, me and Ker, we are coparents of this fic. It’s theirs as much as it’s mine. They not only beta read it, but also listened to my endless rants about it, encouraged me when I had doubts and cheered me on when I did something well. They don’t just point out grammar mistakes, they carefully go through the chapter and point out where things don’t flow well, when scenes should be expanded, when things should be better explained. They also react with a lot of baby emojis to Satoru’s antics. I have taken to referring to Satoru as Ker’s son whenever he’s doing something stupid. I cannot overstate how much Ker does and has done for this fic. They truly, honestly make me a better writer, not content with just correcting my grammar and then patting my back, but constantly challenging me to do better, to develop more, to surprise them again. I cannot overstate how important Ker is to my writing process and to me personally. This is why this might sound like someone endlessly gushing about their spouse, lmao. But they do deserve it. They stuck with my crazy, violent little story from beginning to the end and are already at the next starting line, eager for more. Ker is the best beta reader I could ask for, my loudest cheerleader and my most beloved. Thank you darling, for being you, you’re irreplaceable to me <3

It might seem silly to have such a long starting note on a silly little gang au fic of a manga that has almost run its course. But this fic took three years to make. A lot of love was put into it, a lot of energy and effort. I hope you all enjoy it and love it as much I do.

[jacaranda-bloom]

2022 IN WRITING

Thank you to @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @nouies @allwaswell16 and @chai-hat-tea for tagging me to share my year in writing xx

2022 was a bit quieter for me when it came to writing, and I definitely didn’t get to everything I had planned after work and life took over for the last half of the year. That said, it’s been a good year!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 9

2. Total word count posted to AO3 for the year: 209,410

3. List of works published this year:

Jan - Mistletoe, Memories, and Mayhem (13k)

Feb - With A Little Kindness (33k)

Mar - Love On A G String (20k)

Apr - Best Snog Ever (13k)

May - From Dust To Lust (45k)

Jul - Truebonds (40k)

Aug - Moonlight Minx (15k)

Sep - Love On Air (19k)

Oct - Under The Milky Way (11k)

More under the cut...

4. Work I’m most proud of (and why): That’s a tough one, but it would probably be Truebonds. The world building in that story was next level - super complex and new territory in terms of the ABO trope. I love writing ABO and exploring the new dynamics with nesting and scenting was really fun!

5. Work I’m least proud of (and why): Sadly, Mistletoe, Memories, and Mayhem. This was entirely my own fault, but it did finally make me realise that writing for Exchanges is just not my jam, so it’s fests or standalone fics from here on out!

6. Share or describe a favorite review you received: I received so many lovely comments and messages this year and I appreciate every single one of them. I remember reading this one though and just stopping in my tracks because it made me laugh. This is the true nature of it all, isn’t it? I mean, this is why I write, because I enjoy it. So thanks to Jill on AO3 who is always prodding me with a stick for my next story and giving me a good chuckle along the way.

Under The Milky Way: “You enjoyed that way too much Dee.” Jdickson60

7. A time when writing was really, really hard: Work really took over a lot of my normally free time in the second half of this year, which was frustrating, but something that couldn’t be avoided. Then, once it eased off, my rhythm of writing every day was in disarray, so it took a while to get back into it. 

8. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Louis’ Omega character in Truebonds didn’t end up where I had envisioned. In the original story, he was far more subdued, but then once I started writing it, that went out the window and with it, a lot of the plot. I’m really happy with how he turned out though.

9. A favorite excerpt of your writing: From Dust To Lust (this is stupidly long - apologies - but I just loved their banter in this fic)

Harry twists around in his seat. “Ooohhh, you’re one of those people?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“A control freak.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“It’s fine. I’m just more of an adventure seeker. Like to let the road unfold before me and enjoy the journey.”

Louis’ blood boils in his veins. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? He’s about to rain hellfire down on him when he catches the glint in Harry’s eyes. Cheeky, fucking, shit. He fixes Harry with a challenging stare. “Oh yeah? Care to explain your behaviour back in the departure lounge then?”

“Whatever do you mean?” Harry asks faux-innocently.

“I mean, you’re full of shit. You’re just as much of a planner as I am.”

“How do you figure that?”

Louis narrows his eyes. “There were, what, seventy people in that lounge? And yet you and I were the only ones to work out what was really going on, what the implications were going to be, and then devise a plan to get out of there. What was your process?”

The self-satisfied grin that blooms on Harry’s face is one Louis can’t help but mirror, no matter how hard he tries.

“Well, I checked the weather app, then social media, and worked out what the problem was.”

“Same,” Louis says, nodding.

“Then I checked the car park and realised-”

“There was only one rental car left.”

“Yeah. Clocked you from across the room and assumed you’d made the same deduction, but I didn’t want to create a scene or a stampede, so I just hoped I could beat you to the rental desk.”

“Hmmm… shame for you that those stupidly long legs couldn’t carry you there a bit quicker.”

“Shame for you that your arse couldn’t bounce you over faster too.”

“Oi!”

Harry’s grin turns up into a full-on smirk. “Anyway, I thought we could just get on the road and sort out the other stuff as we went along. That’s the advantage of having two people in the car.”

Louis huffs out a breath and turns to look out of the open passenger window, trying to hide his own smirk and the hint of a blush he doesn’t think could be reasonably excused by the warm weather. “Yeah. Whatever. Let’s go, Harold.”

“It’s just Harry, actually.”

“Of course it is, Harold.”

10. How did you grow as a writer this year: I was so terrified that I wouldn’t get my mojo back after I’d had to take a break due to work commitments, and it did take longer than I thought it would, but I learned that if I trust myself I’ll always find my way back.

11. How do you hope to grow next year: The story I’m going to be writing for the next few months for Big Bang is a tough one. Louis is blind for the majority of the fic and that has presented some real challenges in terms of my writing style. I usually use visual descriptions to set the scenes, but that isn’t possible here, so I’m learning how do that in other ways. I’m interested in how that will come across to the reader and whether it will be at all successful.

12. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): I’m so grateful for everyone who has a positive influence on my writing, especially all the lovely writers on discord, but I’d like to give a special shoutout to @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @evilovesyou and @lululawrence for being so supportive and sprinting with me throughout the year and, of course, my amazing beta @parmahamlarrie who is always there cheering me on and giving so much of her precious time to polishing my ramblings xx

13. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: So, so much. I really doubled-down on the whole Australian thing this year. 6 of my 9 fics were set in Australia and I absolutely adored sharing locations and experiences I’ve had with everyone. There will definitely be more of this in 2023!

14. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Listen to the characters and let them take you where they want to go!

15. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: Two in particular. My Advent Fic that didn’t end up happening this year that I will be writing for Christmas 2023, which is called 7 Decembers, you can read a bit more about it here! Also, my pack ABO fic called Unbonded, which you can read more about here!

16. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: I’m not sure who has done this so far, but I’ll tag @kingsofeverything @zanniscaramouche @louandhazaf @evilovesyou @alwaysxlarrie @parmahamlarrie @bananaheathen @lululawrence @beanno28 @haztobegood @neondiamond @disgruntledkittenface @beelou and @justalarryblog if they’d like to share xx

[toolazytodecide]

writer questions!

nobody tagged me but I love this crap and am technically a writer so lets do it.

1. what’s your favourite genre to write?

Oooooo romance obviously, but more specifically I like writing fics that focus a lot on character analysis? 

2. do you pull inspiration from real-life, or do you pull things from other books/fanfic?

I write a lot of AUs, but I do get a lot of inspiration from songs. I’ll also work in headcanons I see on tumblr and stuff 

3. do you tend to write one-shots, short stories, or longer things?

I always want to write multi-chapter fics, but struggle to finish them. It’s a goal of mine to write more one shots instead of dedicating myself to 20k+ fics.

4. do you prefer description or dialogue?

DIALOGUE!!! I used to be obsessed with writing texting fics which gave me a lot of experience with dialogue, while leaving my description skills to suffer.

5. favourite fanfic/book of all time?

Bro. Impossible question, but my current favourite book is The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt. My favourite series is Six of Crows or  The Raven Cycle. 

As for fics...I’m gonna forget so many BUT I’ll give you one for each of my top ships on AO3

1. Andrew and Neil (All for the Game):  Those That Broke Us by  WriteThroughTheNight  ( https://archiveofourown.org/works/9095254:)

 This is atypical for me since it’s not romance focused, but is rather focused on Neil’s trauma from his mother and him realizing that the way she treated him was not okay. 

Also shoutout to every “andreil fake rivalry fic” it is one of the few times I read established relationship and I eat it up every time.

2: Adam and Ronan (The Raven Cycle): while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now by  shinealightonme (https://archiveofourown.org/works/12643005)

A truly adorable neighbour AU. Honestly Pynch was one of the toughest to pick a favourite for. 

3. Mickey and Ian (Shameless): I couldn’t decide between Fucked for Life by  Awritersmind (https://archiveofourown.org/works/21800806/chapters/52022443) 

An interesting twist on the coffee shop AU where Mickey and Ian fall in love as adults rather than teens. 

I read this a while ago, but I was OBSESSED it made me fall in love with the idea of Artist! Mickey and I loved how they wrote his relationship with his sister Mandy.

 and None the wiser by Loftec

 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/4856489/chapters/11128907

Again I read this a while ago, but it is a diner AU and just utterly delightful. I love reading fics where Mickey had a good relationship with his son and this is is a really good one. 

4: Remus and Sirius (Harry Potter)- My actual favourite Wolfstar fic has disappeared and is a Greatest British Bake off AU where Remus has fibromyalgia so if you know where to find it please let me know. 

BUT a close second is Text Talk by  merlywhirls (https://archiveofourown.org/works/1651109/chapters/3501239)

If I’m having a shitty day I’m re-reading Text-talk. it’s that simple. It’s a wrong number AU where they muggles in the modern day and Remus is home schooled due to his health.

5: Boris and Theo (The Goldfinch)- They Fuck (it up) by  colish3

( https://archiveofourown.org/works/33547123/chapters/83356504) 

A gorgeous fic about Theo dealing with the aftermath of the book, and maybe accepting his feelings for Boris. 

6: Ben and Devi (Never Have I ever)- all the magic we gave off by  transfiguredtoad

Bevi trying their best to not still be into each other while in other relationships. Super addicting tbh. 

6. favorite trope?

Wrong number! Enemies to Lovers! Fake Dating! There was only one bed! I’m a simple girl tbh. when writing I especially like writing about chronic illness but idk if that counts as a trope.

7. are you the kind of person to work on more than one wip?

Not successfully. If I start another fic the first one won’t be touched again til I’ve finished my new fic if ever again. 

8. how long have you been writing for?

Since I was 14 so almost 9 years, but that has definitely not been continuous. I’ve gone years without writing anything.

9. do you tend to write more during the morning, afternoon, or evening?

I get an idea and write whenever I can until it’s either done or I’ve gotten distracted rather than having a set time of the day. 

10. do you prefer to post your wip chapter by chapter, or do you prefer to wait until your wip is 100% finished before posting?

I prefer to finish everything first because I’ve found I won’t finish otherwise. Besides I like being able to go back and change stuff. 

im tagging  @furoruisa and  @siriuslynotovermarauders   🙈  feel free to ignore this if it aint your thing. I also challenge anyone else who wants to give it a try.

#tag game

[xavantina]

I am so very bad at actually doing these things, but I was tagged by the lovely and talented @gavotteangel, so I finally got off my butt and went to town.

Fanfic Writer 20 Questions!

1. how many works do you have on ao3? A measly 31. But in my defense, I’m ancient, so I have posted at least twice as many on LiveJournal back in the day.

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 162,236  

3. how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Six are represented on AO3, including a mix of various RPF fandoms, Hannibal, Law and Order: SVU, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and recently Loki. But back in my teenage years I wrote fic in the Lord of the Rings fandom, Harry Potter, and as I got older even more diverse RPF, mostly centered around US political media and, uh... Top Gear. Look, I have a past, okay, leave me alone.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

Assemble, a lighthearted, non-graphic-but-still-very-shippy Marvel RPF

As Loud as the Hell You Want, smutty Will Graham/Frederick Chilton

The Ties That Bind, a Barisi soulmate AU

Arrest Me - another Barisi fic, this one smutty

Young Police Cadet Bottoms for Busty Blonde - a Carisi/Amaro (and Carisi/OFC) porn fic where I’m actually super proud of the title. it really sets the tone 😂

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not? Almost always. If you took the time to comment, I will take the time to say thank you. Especially when I get the really juicy comments, like those that quote favourite lines and stuff. I love those comments, they’re so helpful!

6. what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I’m really bad at following through on angst, I wrap that shit up with a vaguely happy ending. That said, Control You is pretty bad. It’s also locked, because I lock RPF religiously. kill them; kill them with fire is technically still a WIP, so it doesn’t count, although it’s some of the angstiest fic I’ve written.

7. do you write crossovers? Not so much these days, but I used to

8. have you ever received hate on a fic? Oh yes, before the US Pundit fandom hid all the RPF away in secret, thoroughly locked LJ communities, there were some pretty ugly instances of hate going around.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? Ahahaha, yes, I do. 23 of those 31 fics are rated E. And it was the same back on LJ.

10. have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as far as I know.

11. have you ever had a fic translated? I’ve received requests for a couple of fics to be translated into Russian. I gave my permission, but I have no idea if they followed through with it.

12. have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes. Way back when I was 18 I had a 42 year old BFF from California who shared my brand of absurd humour and we co-wrote a sprawling 20K+ Pundit RPF comedy zombie AU, where we took turns writing the chapters as we went along, playing off what the other person had written in the previous chapter. I was a great experience, like the fic equivalent of improv comedy groups. An entire story based on ‘yes, and...’ as a concept.

13. what’s your all-time favorite ship? I can’t possibly answer that question, I’m a bit of a whore in this respect. I mix and match. Although judging from my AO3 account it’s ChillyWilly and Barisi, and it’s true that I love those ships.

14. what’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? kill them; kill them with fire probably. It’s a ASOUE Zombie AU with stand-alone chapters focusing on different characters in different locations, but in a vaguely chronological order. Can you tell that I adore zombie AUs? Anyway, I was very proud of this one, because this particular zombie apocalypse is totally “realistic” in-universe. It takes an existing killer-fungus danger and replaces ‘certain death’ being the result of infection with ‘zombies’ being the result. So yes, it’s The Last of Us-style “zombies”. I actually stole the terminology from there as well, because I couldn’t be bothered with creating too much lore. I never care about the actual zombie horror anyway, I care about the human reaction to a deadly crisis. 

15. what are your writing strengths? A writer I admired very much in ye olden days once told me that I was good at blending genres and moods organically, in those day it was combinations of action, humour, and smut. She then asked me, me, for advice on a fic. I still think about that every single time I feel down.

16. what are your writing weaknesses? Definitely a tendency for overly detailed, flowery, self-indulgently elaborate prose. I spent years forcing myself to use a plain ‘said’ more often, because God knows I struggled with the concept from the beginning. And commas. So many commas. I often joke that Ernest Hemingway would fucking deck me if he was alive and reading my stuff. Oscar Wilde would you rather discuss writing with? Case closed.

17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I think it’s fine in controlled doses, especially if you consult native speakers to confirm that google translate isn’t about to make you look really silly to native speakers of the language in question.

18. what was the first fandom you ever wrote for? Lord of the Rings, I think? At least in English. I was 14 when the first film came out, so it was around then. It was really bad. English is my second language, and my grammar... left something to be desired. Okay, technically I wrote fic for The Hobbit first, because our teacher was pretty cool when it came to assigning various writing challenges, and in this case he made us all write fanfic that should be a twist on the pretty anticlimactic (according to him) ending of the book. I proceeded to literally kill off half the dwarves in a gruesome Smaug-fight. Very indiscriminately, I might add. Completely random. Just piling up dead, scorched dwarves for shits and giggles.

19. what’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written? Okay, bear with me here, but I’m just really proud of Young Police Cadet Bottoms for Busty Blonde. Probably the smuttiest smut I’ve ever written. I enjoyed every second of the writing process, I had a wonderful time, and it lives up to its title in terms of balls to the wall PWP insanity.  A Guide to Recognizing Your Ghosts and Unfortunate Living Arrangements are also up there, because I’m still a Chilton fangirl at heart.

20. who do you tag? all of my old ASOUE peeps! @beatricebidelaire, @virginian-wolfsnake, @kitsnicket etc. etc. You know who you are.

[ohpleaselarry]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2022

Thank you @greenblueish and @brightgolden for the tag! I did this last year but I couldn’t find it haha, so if I have repeating answers, oh well! Here we go :)

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 7 (though it’d technically be more as the a-z series are separate fics)

2. Word count posted for the year: 314,557!

3. Fandoms I wrote for: one direction

4. Pairings: Larry

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: dont know its lost til you find it

Bookmarks: dont know its lost til you find it

Comments: Louis&Harry: A-Z

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): 

a-z for sure. It has, and continues to, push me like crazy to not only write an unfamiliar prompt, but also to write quicker than I usually do. (I say as I haven’t updated it in 6 months lmao)

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

honestly, this is something I never thought I’d say, but I’m rather proud of everything I’ve done this year. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so even if I’m happy enough to upload, ill always find something that could’ve been changed, but despite that I feel like I grow more and more every year.

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

this is my least favourite question because I love each and every comment I get. I don’t have a specific one to shout-out, but I do have many users I look forward to seeing the comments of. Any comments that mention specific parts or quotes of the fic that they loved are always really lovely to read and make me smile so much.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

the last two months have been the hardest this year, which is probably clear by the lack of uploads. I started a new antidepressant in October and it’s taken a toll on me quite heavily physically, and therefore also on the creative side of myself. I’m settling into my dose, though, and have started to write consistently again these last few weeks! Not to mention my mental health is steadily increasing for the first time since I was 12 years old, so I definitely think this’ll be a great positive change for my writing.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

The alpha drop, probably. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be good, seeing as I couldn’t find anything on any omegaverse forums about alpha drops even being a thing, so I was sort of flying blind. Luckily, it seems to be taken well and in the end I rather liked it.

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

This is a hard question, especially since I don’t enjoy rereading my fics, as I tend to only find mistakes, but I’m trying to get better at being proud of myself, so I’m going to cheat a little and say the whole introduction up to the boys meeting in night song is my favourite. Writing an au that isn’t my own makes it even harder to be proud of, especially when the source is something as incredibly well done as studio ghibli, but I truly tried my best to not only capture the essence of the original film, but also make it my own, and I’m quite proud of the fic as a whole.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Reckon I could look back and find a thousand different answers to this question, as I feel like I grow as a writer every few months, haha, but probably the biggest growth has been letting go of word count expectations. I used to be quite hard on myself about it, and would have a silly “minimum of 20k or nothing” rule for myself. Though I know I still have a ways to go in terms of writing self-love, allowing myself to write until it feels good, rather than when I’ve reached the “minimum” acceptable word count, has been an incredible weight off my shoulders. Writing shouldn’t be stressing me out, and it took me a long time to realise that, but I’m glad I have.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I hope to learn new writing patterns. I feel like there are a handful of parallels in all of my fics, and I’d like to move onto more varying ways of writing.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Unsure if this counts, and I’m 90% sure this was my answer last year as well, but it’ll definitely have to be music, usually classical or instrumentals. I listen to it every single time I write, and it is my biggest motivator.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

I’ll be home tonight, definitely. I feel like there’s a bit of me in every fic I write, but that one was the most this year.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Don’t give up a scene even if you think it’s shit. Finish it out, and move on to the next one. You can always go back and fix it later. Keeping the flow of non-block is much more important.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: 

I’m really hoping to finish a-z before 2023 is up, especially because I have another long series planned that I refuse to start before a-z is finished, as I’d hate to lose motivation for it.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I feel like everyone’s done this already, so I tag anyone who’s read this and wants to do it :)

[bytebun]

Have a private discord where I dump all my stray thoughts for fic. going through it now like 1) I have a lot more ideas than I thought 2) wait, this is a fully written snippet. but which idea does it belong to? (messages above & below have nothing to do with the snippet)

[rina-writes]

hello :)) so I was listening to dress (taylor swift) and i couldn't stop thinking about friends to lovers w jack. The lines "pining and desperately waiting // i don't want you like a best friend" and the bridgeeeee omg it will be so perfect😭😭😭 idk if you want to write, I just thought i should share this. Love ur blog sm❤

Thank you for the love ♥  Some of my fave Jack stories on here are friends to lovers.  I kinda wrote it in my fic Reunion, but after listening to Dress on loop, I had to write another version.  Plus, I have been re-watching Jack’s videos from 2018/2019 when he would talk about his high school years so, I’ve been wanting to write a good flashback.  All this to say, I got a little carried away and this is 5k+ words, but at least it’s not 20k this time, right? :D Hope you like it, anon!

Pining in Anticipation

Warnings: Fem!reader, childhoodfriend!reader, light angsty to fluffy, suggestive but no smut, mentions of drug and alcohol use, mutual pinning, long (5k+ words) fic

You bit your lip as you stared at the price tag again, pointing the piece of paper toward the mirror to get a better view. You knew it was a bad idea to try on the dress even though it was out of your price range.  You dismissed the chance that you would even like it on.  After all, every other dress you tried on didn’t fit the way you liked. You just wanted the experience of trying on a dress 3 times the budget you set for yourself in your mind. Just your luck that it would be the perfect look.

You turned in the dress with a bit of difficulty. It was long dragging on the ground. However, it would give you the excuse to wear the heels that you had been saving for a special occasion. With the added height you would be able to have the dress just kiss the floor.  You tried to talk yourself out of other elements of the dress.  Strapless wasn’t usually comfortable, but this fit you like a glove.  You had taken off your bra to get the full effect and nothing showed through despite the cool temperature in the fitting room. The slit was a little high, starting from the top of your thigh to allow for a full leg moment.  You would have to wear pretty small underwear to hide it and walk confidently in order to keep it masqueraded.  But, then you imagined Jack’s face when he saw you walking in.  The breathless, frozen stare you only elicited from him two or three times in your years of friendship.  The one that you strove for more often than you would like to admit.  His blue eyes widened, his lips parted slightly as they curve into a smirk, and his cheeks full from when he smiles a real genuine smile.  

You felt your heart doing backflips.  You took a deep breath and reminded yourself that Jack wasn’t in the room.  You were staring at your reflection in a Bloomingdale’s  fitting room wearing a dress that was way too expensive. You decided to take the dress off.  You couldn’t do this to yourself.  Although you calculated the number of cup noodles and granola bars you could consume as meals in the next month in order to afford this dress, it wasn’t worth it.  Not for just a starry eyed look from Jack.  That was the only thing you were guaranteed, nothing more. You pressed your hand against the ruffled waist, indulging for a moment that it was Jack’s larger pale hand instead.  Oh how he would make you feel small and dainty as he enclosed his arms around you and had his way with you.

You reached back for the zipper.  You struggled, contorting your body in unnatural positions.  This really was a freakum dress. You couldn’t take it off by yourself.  Luckily, you weren’t alone.

“Mom!” You yelled for your mother who was waiting just outside the fitting room.

You could hear her feet shuffling into the area, asking the attendant for permission to enter the space.  She knocked on the door and gasped when she saw you.

“I think I threw out my back.” You half-joked, trying to ignore the sharp pain in your shoulder blade. “Can you help me?”

“Honey, you look stunning!” Your mother said, closing the door behind her. She held your shoulders turning you to the mirror. “This dress was made for you.  Well…it’s a little long, but we could take it to my tailor and take a bit off so that you won’t trip on it.  Oh and those heels you got the other day would add some height…”

“It’s too expensive, Mom.” You stopped her, ignoring the flutters of validation in your stomach. “Now, help me get out of it before I sweat on it too much and they make us pay for it.”

“B-But…” Your mom grabbed the tag and you watched her eyebrows fly up. Her lips formed a flat line.  You realized you were clinging to hope that the dress wouldn’t seem too expensive to her, but that was a pipe dream.

“Come on, I can find something at like Forever 21 or like H&M or somewhere.” You forced a smile. “This was an indulgence just coming into here. It’s so expensive.”

Your mother looked at you sadly for a second before unzipping the dress.  “You’ll look beautiful in anything, sweetheart.  But this dress is wow.  I mean this is Jack’s big-celebration-party-music-video thing…I figured you’d want to go all out.”

You could feel your skin heating up at the acknowledgement of the situation.  No one knew how you felt about Jack.  The years of pining and anticipation for something more than just friendship with Jack was hidden behind quick jokes and talks of memory lane from growing up together.  Only your mother knew how badly you had it for Jack.  One because she was your mother. Two because she was the only person you confided in after the incident.

It was 2017 - one year since you left Louisville to go to college.  You were back in the city for a couple of weeks before you started your internship.  You had a new air of confidence now.  Your college was a big school and you were used to going to parties every weekend with your friends.  You weren’t the most popular girl, but you never left a party without making out with some guy who claimed to have “been waiting for this moment forever.” Your campus persona was so different to the girl next door image you had back home. 

However, you weren’t the only person who fled the city that had come back in the summer.  Jack and the other members of Private Garden were also lurking around.  You didn’t expect to see him since he had just moved to Atlanta. But, you figured it would be a good time to test your new attitude.  The party, as usual, was in Old Louisville.  It was hosted in one of the large Victorian houses that you assumed must permanently smell like beer, weed and teenage regret after years of “bible studies” aka these raging parties that went on until the police showed up in the wee hours of the morning.  However, these parties were core memories of your high school years which meant that you were positive Jack was going to be there too.

You wore one of the usual party outfits at the time: sneakers, crop top, and short-shorts. Not what you would wear these days to an event, but it was the uniform for girls in their late teens at the time. You spotted Jack quickly, towering over his friends.  His hair was long in the front almost covering his eyes but tapered in the back.  He had on thick framed glasses, an oversized sports jersey with a white tee underneath and baggy jeans.  Thinking back on it now, it looked wild.  You would laugh out loud if you saw him in an outfit like today.  At the time, he looked so hot.  You casually made your way through the crowd, taking the lead of one of your best friends who was also on the prowl.  As you weaved through bodies, you lost sight of Jack, only to find him at your side.

“Y/n,” Jack yelled, but it sounded natural over the loud music.  “Long time no see.”

“Jack!” You yelled back, hugging him. He wrapped his arms around, pressing his cheek on the top of your head. Despite it being hot and sticky, you relished in the attention.

“You look good.” Jack remarked, breaking the hug to look you up and down.  “College seems to be treating you well.”

“You too.  Are you signed yet?” You asked.

Jack tossed his head from side to side. He had that smile that told you he wanted to say more, but couldn’t.  “It’s in the works. I can’t speak on it yet. But stuff is cooking, don’t worry.”

“I’m happy for you, Jack.” You grinned at him. “I really am.”

“Do you have a drink?” Jack asked, raising his cup toward you.

You shook your head and he took your hand to lead you to the drink area.  You tried to remind yourself not to read much into it.  For Jack, this touch was no different from when you were kids playing in his backyard and he would drag you around because your legs wouldn’t keep up.  However, you couldn’t deny the tinge of disappointment when his hand left yours to grab you a drink.  He picked up a hard seltzer and popped it open for you.  You frowned,

“What makes you think I didn’t want a beer?” You questioned.

“This is good, I promise.” Jack confirmed.

You looked at the can. You didn’t recognize the brand as you read it out loud.  “White Claw?  Is this even good? It looks like adult Arizona.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Jack teased. 

You sipped it surprised to find it mildly sweet.  You didn’t think it would get you drunk, but thanks to the shots you pregamed before coming, this gave you a comfortable buzz.  It was enough that you found yourself moving to the dance area with Jack and grinding on him.  You reached your free hand back to grab Jack’s neck, winding your hips on his crotch. You couldn’t see his face, but judging from how he dipped his hips to meet your backside, you figured he was game.  Soon his free hand pressed on your hip. It was the universal signal that you made the right move. One or two songs in, you felt his hand on your hip, slowly trail up your stomach, up the center of your chest and to your neck. He pressed his hand flesh against your neck to bend your head backward.

Jack’s lips met your instantly, his tongue swiftly following to taste you. He tasted like a mix of alcohols: beer, vodka, tequila…probably from taking shot after shot.  You wondered if you tasted like the tequila shots you and your friends did before coming or if it was only the fruity hard seltzer on your tongue. You did your best to keep grinding on him, despite being enraptured by the intensity of the kiss.  You played with the hair at the nape of his neck and felt pleased when you heard a moan fall from his lips. This was a moment you would relive forever.  After a decade of friendship, you were finally kissing him.  He finally wanted you back. You could explode.

After that things get hazy.  You remember you and him were being pulled away by your friends. Someone got into a fight and things were only going to get worse from there.  There was a new spot that everyone was going to, but it was unclear which was the real place and which was just a lame spot someone was trying to hype up.  You remembered going to Qdoba with your friends and throwing it up a couple hours later. But, when you went to bed that night, all you could do was remember Jack’s soft lips and that was all you needed to drift to sleep.

One day passed.  Then two.  Then three.  No text or call from Jack.  You knew he was still in the area.  Whenever Jack was in town, he was the gossip.  Everyone was buzzing about where they saw him and who they saw him with.  You were a wreck.  You did a good job of pretending in front of friends the first day, but by the second day you couldn’t leave your room. Why didn’t he call? Why didn’t he text? You were practically next door neighbors, he could even come over!

In an attempt to get you out of the house, your mother asked you to go to the pharmacy.  You did so begrudgingly, slipping on sweats, a tank top, and a baseball cap for the trip.  As you waited in line, you heard someone call your name.  A pit developed in your stomach as you looked up to see Urban.  His hair was longer than you remembered, but still blonde and majestic as always.  He was high, his aquamarine eyes were a tinge red and in his hands were enough snacks to last a week.

“Hey Urban,” You forced a smile, trying to hide your concern of Jack being close behind.

“Y/n, good to see you.” Urban said, his voice the usual slow timber when he was high.  “Has, uh, Jack reached out to you yet?”

Your cheeks flushed as you shook your head.  Urban sighed, air being blown dramatically through his nose.

“F-cking coward.” He rolled his eyes.  “Jack keeps talking about what happened between you two.  At the party a couple nights ago?”

Your heart started beating faster.  You were hoping the confession would come from Jack himself, but if Urban clued you in on Jack’s feelings you could finally tell Jack how you felt about him. You nodded for him to continue, concealing your smile.

“He’s really sorry, Y/n.  He feels so bad for disrespecting you like that.  Tossing out years of friendship.” Your face dropped as Urban continued.  “Jack really went in this year on trying everything: alcohol, drugs, and any kind of vice really. Yesterday was another day of experimentation and I think he got a little twisted.  I’m sure he’ll apologize to you properly, but I think he’s afraid that you’ll hate him.  That kills him more than anything.”

As you blinked to keep tears falling from your eyes and made the biggest smile you could muster as you shook your head to confirm you weren’t upset, you realized you did hate him. You hated him for getting all the wrong signals.  You hated him for not giving you a chance to be more than a friend.  You hated him for being a coward.

You were saved by being the next person on the line.  You paid for the items and then went back home. You held up a good front up until you put the items on the kitchen table.  Before you could make it to your room, tears were pouring out. Your mother made herself available to listen and that’s how she learned about your feelings for Jack.  Of course, she suspected it.  You two practically grew up together and used to play “marriage.”  Part of her assumed this was just some misunderstanding and she wanted to tell you that you should just tell Jack how you felt. But, she knew that ruining the friendship was much worse than a flighty fling, so she let you cry your heart out without saying a word.

You would’ve hated Jack for longer if he didn’t try to hard to make it up to you.  You were one of  his posse for the rest of the time you were in Louisville that summer.  You traveled around town with him, meeting all the great entertainers in Louisville, and eating at all your favorite spots.  Spending time with him every day made it hard to be mad at him. It also made it hard to squash your feelings for him.  You decided to store the kiss as one of those memories that you kept tucked in your heart and to enjoy your friendship as is.

At least, until moments like this.  As you held the dress to your chest to keep it from falling down, you realized that this was a lot like five years ago.  You were still hoping to make Jack stare at you like that one more time.  In a way, you felt like this was your last chance for some reason.  There was a clock ticking but you weren’t sure who started it.

“Yes!” Your mother yelled excitedly, startling you.

“What?” You turned around.

“There’s a stain.” She pointed to a part of the red fabric that had a dark blue smudge.   “Nothing Wendy, our dry cleaner, can’t get out, but it means that we can negotiate a discount.”

Your eyes lit up, but worry was in your voice, “It’s still going to be expensive.”

“True…” Your mom nodded.  “...but I don’t actually need a new dress.  And your sister is going to wear the suit she wore to prom. And God knows what your brother will wear, we can just hope it’s clean.  So, my money plus your budget money should cover it.”

“Thanks, Mom.” You squealed, using one hand to hold the dress up and the other to grip her in a hug.

“Of course, sweetheart.”  She pulled back and grinned at you. “I know you’ll never say out loud how much this means to you, but...I just want to help.  I know you’re an adult now, but, I couldn’t do anything to help you last time.”

You smiled at her nodding slightly. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, Y/n.”

You entered the venue in awe.  You sometimes forgot that outside of the Victorian homes, there were actual mansions in Louisville.  The ceilings were so high, you couldn’t help but wonder if they hired Spiderman to put up the decorations.  It looked luxurious and exactly like the theme promised: A King’s Ball.  It was for Jack’s new music video and he invited a bunch of people to come into be extras.  His family was there, so naturally your family was invited too.  You and your brother were the same age as Jack and his brother , Clay, respectively.  Your brother played on Clay’s soccer team and the two still hung out from time to time.  Your sister was really just excited to wear the shiny, gold, rhinestone encrusted suit that she wore to prom to match her girlfriend’s dress. She wasn’t close to the Harlows, but enjoyed treats like this.  You could tell her girlfriend was enjoying it too.

You were worried that you were overdressed until you saw the Met Gala level outfits of the other people in attendance.  All the parents that had been cordially invited, yours and Jack’s included, seemed out of place in their cruise ship evening attire.  You were middle the pack in terms of showy-ness, but you looked damn good.  You had done your hair nicely and really took time with your makeup and nails. As you navigated the venue, you realized that the chances of running into Jack were slim.  There were the paid video models up front, and most of the invited guests were on the second floor balcony that over looked the first floor. You swallowed, feeling a bit of regret at buying such an expensive dress only to not be seen in it by the person you bought for.

Still, you enjoyed watching Jack at work.  He had a swagger in his movements that seemed forced in his younger days that was natural now. He was still a flirt, wrapping his arms around different girls and dancing with them suggestively.  This earned disapproving sounds from your mother and you could only smile at her support.  Once the video wrapped up, everyone was invited downstairs for food and mingling.

Much like the house party from a few years ago, you spotted Jack a mile away.  He was wearing an all-white suit that made him look amazing.  In comparison to that night, his curls seemed so much shorter, but it fit his face better. You could really see the sparkle in his blue eyes with this new cut so, you weren’t complaining.  Despite your goal of saying hi to Jack, you found yourself running into old classmates and catching up.  When you were finally alone, you looked around for him, but couldn’t spot him anywhere.  A tiny hope developed that Jack would pop up like he did that first time.  When you felt a tap on your shoulder, a grin spread on your face when your wish came true.

“Jack!” You grinned.

“You look f-cking gorgeous, Y/n.” You couldn’t place the emotion in his voice.  It wasn’t quite shock or amazement.  Much to your dismay, it also wasn’t lust.  But, you could tell him meant it.

You hugged him and Jack hugged you back tightly.  You realized that the events of that previous night were repeating itself.

“You didn’t experiment with a bunch of drugs tonight, right?” You asked him, teasingly.

Jack blushed softly, glancing away before shaking his head. “I was hoping you wouldn’t bring that up. No, I’ve been letting go of that.”

“Body got rid of ‘em toxins?” You asked with a smile.

“Well, I dabble.” Jack grinned, clearly pleased to hear you quoting his lyrics. “But, for the most part I try to stay clean.  And stick to just alcohol when I’m not.”

“Good for you.” You smiled. Something emboldened you and you weren’t quite sure what it was, but you added.  “Too bad though.  I was hoping to test out if you became a better kisser since then.”

Jack’s eyebrows raised. “Are you saying my skills weren’t satisfactory before?”

“I didn’t say that…” You bit your lip, but that did little to conceal your smile. “I just think we can all improve.”

Jack’s eyes looked you up and down as though he was seeing you the first time.  “Is this an invitation?”

Before you could answer, Jack was clapped on the back by someone you didn’t recognize.  You could tell Jack wanted to hear your response, but you smiled politely and walked away.  You turned back to see if he was watching you and he was.  He wasn’t staring per say. They were little glances as he spoke to the other person, clearly trying to see where you would go next.  You continued to work the room, trying to stop your heart from beating faster.   You worried that you blew your chance.  That Jack wouldn’t ask you that question again.

Cursing yourself, you walked to where you assumed the bathroom was.  You opened room after room, but couldn’t find a toilet.  All this decoration and no one bothered to put up a sign to show you where the bathroom was located.

Frustrated at the last failed attempt, you slumped against the wall.  

‘Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry…’ You told yourself.  There was a part of you that felt a bit classy as you were  about to cry in a mansion in expensive dress over a rapstar. How very 2009 Disney Original Movie of you.

“There you are…” You heard someone say as they walked down the hallway.

Jack walked quickly toward you, a mischievous smile on his face.  You stood up, frowning at him.

“I escaped.” He explained, his bright smile lighting up his whole face.  He was still looking behind him every few moments as if worried he was followed.  As he got closer, he saw that you were slumped on the floor, the train of your dress swooped over your exposed your leg.  He must have saw the sadness in your eyes despite you trying to mask it.  “Y/n, what’s wrong?”

“I-I”  Tears welded in your eyes again.  “I can’t find the bathroom.”

A soft smile stretched on Jack’s lips.  He let out a laugh that sounded like one of relief.  He extended his hand to you, helping you up.  “You were almost there.” He assured you.

Jack held your hand to pull you further down the corridor turning right to lead into another one. You were once again reminded of that night a few years ago.  You wondered how much of that you were going to repeat.  A cruel thought also wondered how many times Jack repeated it as well.  Were you not special? 

Three more doors down and there it was, a massive bathroom with a huge Jacuzzi tub and, the feature of honor, the toilet.

“Thank you…” You said, breathlessly, holding up your dress to sprint into the room.  You could hear Jack’s laughter as you ran towards to the toilet, him closing the door for you.  Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you relieved yourself.  When you flushed and got up to wash your hands, you heard Jack’s voice speaking to you through the door.

“Some things about you never change, huh?” Jack’s voice was in a low tone, making it deep and rumble.  “I remember when we were like seven, you started crying in the pool because you had to pee, but couldn’t move.”

You blushed, turning off the water.  You dried your hands and smiled.  “Yeah, I remember.  It was one of those things where if you move an inch, it’s going to rush out.  And there was so much water everywhere and kids kept splashing.” You shuddered before scoffing at another part of the memory. “I remember you told me to just pee right there.”

Jack laughed loudly.  “You looked so horrified.  I remember your little voice.  ‘Is that what y’all were doing this whole time?’ And when all the boys nodded, you started wailing.”  

You could feel your face heating up and felt relieved Jack couldn’t see your flustered expression.  From Jack’s laugh, you could picture him standing there, bent over, laughing between his words as he wiped tears from his eyes.

“My dad had to pick me up and carry me to the locker room.” You shook your head, chuckling.  “But, since he couldn’t get into the woman’s bathroom and I couldn’t walk, he covered my eyes and ran with me hoisted over his head to the nearest stall in the men’s room.  We had to do the same thing on the way out.”

Jack could barely speak through laughs.  His laugh was high pitched and breathy.  Once he started laughing, almost anything you said would keep him going.  His laugh was contagious too.  You found yourself laughing as well at your own expense.  Some things about Jack never changed too.

“Well, thanks for redeeming yourself this time.  And not just telling me to pee in the hallway.” You joked.

“Yeah, I’m not really into that.” Jack teased. “No kink shaming though.”

You opened the door, surprised to see Jack inches away from you. You looked up at him, his blue eyes glossy from his tears of laughter and the humor still in his face. Jack’s gaze didn’t waver nor did he say anything.  You studied his features: his thick brows, his straight nose, his chestnut beard, his defined jaw…anything to avoid looking at his eyes as you hoped he would break the silence.  When he didn’t, you asked a question that had been on your mind for awhile,

“Were you looking for me?” 

“Yes,” Jack admitted, almost as if the answer was obvious.

“Why?” You asked him, furrowing your brows.

“Because, you didn’t answer my question.” Jack smiled when you met his eyes again. “Are you inviting me to kiss you?”

A smile twitched at one corner of your lips, but it wasn’t a happy one. It was accompanied by a sinking feeling  in your gut.  The last time you kissed Jack, he made it sound like it was his biggest regret. What game was he playing?  Was he trying to get rid of you once and for all?

“That depends…” You said, dryly.  “...what’s the catch?”

The grin on Jack’s lips slowly disappeared.  “Catch?”

“Well, last time, I had to hear in a Walgreens that you regretted kissing me from your best friend who was high as a kite.” You hated the bitterness in your voice.  “Then get paraded around like a poster for the friendzone for almost two weeks.  What new hell are you devising this time?”

It was Jack’s turn to furrow his brows.  He was shaking his head slightly as though something you said was untrue. But, as if realizing that those were how the events transpired in your head, he just stared at you blankly.

“Y/n, I didn’t do it to put you through hell.  You’re one of my closest friends and I acted out of turn that night.  I was just trying to rectify the situation.”

“Why did you get to decide how to rectify the situation? You didn’t even ask me what I wanted.”  You felt everything like it was yesterday. The anger, the embarrassment, the feelings you still felt for him. 

“You could have said something too.” Jack retorted.  “We hung out that whole time and you didn’t even bring up the kiss once.  How was I supposed to know that you didn’t regret it?”

You scoffed, looking away for a moment then back at him. “I thought that kiss said enough. That was not a friendly kiss, Jack. It was deep, it was sensual.  It practically screamed, I don’t want you like a best friend.”

Jack’s breath hitched in his throat. His hand reached up to let the back of his fingernails ever so lightly drag across your jaw. You realized that despite standing so close, you hadn’t been touching. Just enough distance between, you on one side of the threshold in the bathroom and him on the other side standing in the hallway, to keep you apart, but clearly still so close.  He was practically whispering,

“That whole time…that whole time we were together, I was so patient.  I kept waiting for you to give me a sign that you liked the kiss…that you liked me like that.  There were so many times I got us alone together, wanting nothing more than to kiss you again.  My hands were shaking holding back from just taking you. Desperately waiting for you to tell me how you felt…”

“Jesus…Jack…” You shook your head before catapulting into him.  You wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him.  

Jack’s arms wrapped around you tightly as he deepened the kiss.  Like last time, it was feverish and lustful.  His tongue entered your mouth immediately to play with yours and it did so with the expertise of an old friend. Unlike before, Jack felt more refined.  His body knew how to mold itself to yours, his tongue more controlled in its pressure, his hands more greedy with what they could hold.  Jack pushed you further into the bathroom so he could step in, using his foot to slam the door.

Jack broke the kiss, cradling your face in his hands.  His expression was unreadable as he looked at you, his eyes lingering on your now swollen lips. He kissed them once before kissing down your jaw and to your neck. There he kissed each spot until he found one that elicited just the right moan from you.  He smiled against your skin as though he found treasure before sucking that spot gently.  You moaned, trying to keep your legs from buckling. Jack held you close to him to keep you still as he gently licked the spot developing on your skin.  You knew it was going to be worse in a couple hours and you were only mildly worried about the explanation to your parents.

“Finally get to make my mark on you…” He whispered into your ear.  “You’re mine now, Y/n.”

A chill went up your spine.  At the sound of your name, everything just stopped.  You looked at him through hooded eyes.

“I want you, Jack.  I wanted you then and I want you now.”  You smiled when you saw the excitement flicker in his blue eyes.

He kissed you again, moving to pull off your dress.  You heard a soft sound fabric tearing and you pulled away quickly.  You looked down to see a slight pull of thread by the slit at the top of your thigh.  “Jack, this is expensive.”

“I’ll buy you one in every damn color.” Jack’s voice was husky as he looked you up and down before pulling you back into him to resume his movements.

“Very very expensive.” You echoed.  Jack groaned, but he could see the seriousness in your eyes.

“Fine take it off then.” He smirked. “I’m more excited by what’s underneath anyway.”

You smiled at him. “I can’t, I need help.”  You turned around so that the zipper was facing him.  “I only bought this dress so you could take it off.”

You heard Jack swear under his breath. One arm wrapped around you, pressing his hand to your waist and you felt another warm hand wrap around you zipper and pull it down.

~

You emerged from the bathroom in a panic.  There was no way people weren’t going to notice the hickey developing on your skin. Jack wasn’t bothered by it, still on cloud nine from the previous activities.

“My dad is going to kill me…” You groaned.

“Nah, he’s gonna kill me.” Jack grinned at you.  He gave a soft kiss to your temple.  “But nothing I can’t handle. I do have to go back and mingle.  Wanna come with?”

“With this giant thing on my neck, no thank you.  Fielding questions from my parents who treat their adult daughter like a child is hard enough.  I don’t need this to be everyone’s newest talking point.”

Jack’s grin didn’t seem to fade.  “Oh, they will talk, baby girl. I told you, you’re mine now and I’m making sure everybody knows that.” 

You blushed, unsure what to say.  You didn’t know what that meant in the grand scheme things.  You decided not to worry about that for right now.  You learned that looking too far ahead was what did you in before.  Instead, you leaned toward him for a kiss and he happily obliged.

“If you’re going to head out early, at least meet me at my place.” He dug into his pocket and handed you his keys, holding up the one for his door. Your eyes were wide, assuming he wasn’t serious. Jack smiled. 

“Are you sure?” Tentatively, you took the key from his hand, already devising how you would explain to your parents that they should drop you off at Jack’s downtown Louisville apartment instead of going home.

Jack gave you a mischievous smile.  “Y/n, you’re going to need help getting out of the dress again.  You bought it for me so, I want to be the only one to take it off...”

[ichorai]

i just wanna say thank you to every single one of you !! the mutuals i talk to, the ppl i see on my dashboard, the ppl who like my fics / posts, and the 3.7k that follow me omg :(( i love yall sm i rlly dont deserve you guys

2021 may not be the blessing that all of us want, but we can try to survive through it together !! pls pls pls stay safe and healthy and my messages + inbox are always open for anybody who wants to talk or just needs a friend ♡

tumblr crushes.  everybody listed below are all the blogs i’ve had massive crushes on (dkjdf im rlly exposing myself huh) bolded are the crushes that follow me back aka my moots !! whether we talk every day or not at all, i love all of u sm :3

# - e ; 

@127-mile​, @1oserjk​, @3riberri​, @4-sun, @429hj, @99yh, @9uk, @aasthrielle, @agustdiv1ne, @angeliicmin, @angelinanamoo, @annawritesnct, @army-author, @ashisparanoid, @asteriaguk, @atbzkingdom, @ateez-little-star, @ateez-svt, @ateezinmymind, @ateezsunrise, @ateezthings, @atiny-ahgase, @atiny-baby, @atinybitofau, @atinybrew, @atinyfeels, @atinykidult, @atzgiggle, @aurorhwa, @ayyysweetcreature, @baehyukng, @baekhvuns, @baekhyunl, @baekonbaek, @baekwell--tart, @bangtantaegi, @barsformars, @beyond-gethsemane, @binnies, @blueish-sun, @bluelotuss, @bluemiinn, @bluumin, @brathyuck, @burgerkang000, @btsbed, @bubyjong, @butterflyjoong, @by-moonflower, @byeoltoyuki, @c-sanshine, @call-me-bha, @canyounotkaia, @cappujinho, @cchaiart, @ceojongho, @ceruleanskies, @chanbinns, @changsun, @cherryatiny, @cherryhan1386, @cherryjk, @chimtaera, @chittsu, @choi-san, @choijongho, @choisans, @chryzu, @cinanamon, @cinnaminsvga, @closer-stars, @cometoceantrenches, @cosmoguk, @cozyjae, @cozyteez, @crustypeppermintcookie, @crvgio, @cuddlyunho, @curanonemu, @daybreakx, @dazzlingkai, @ddaenysus, @ddalgi-yong, @dear-hao, @dearncityy, @dearyongs, @dejvns, @diaryofateez, @dis-easy, @djxiao, @dreamiehrs, @dreamiesdotcom, @dreamingxuxi, @dreamtaehyung, @dylanxmin, @eggyukhei, @elcie-chxn, @emhpathy, @ephemeralkookie, @essenteez, @eternalbulletproof, @ethaeriyeol

f - j ; @faerieth, @fakeleaves, @fandomsonrequests, @feverishdreamdistrict, @fleurateez, @flirtyhyuck, @flowerboyyoonbin, @flowerkth, @flowerseok, @floweryjh, @flvtteringpetals, @foreveryouaremystar, @fortunexkookie, @fqiryaurora, @gaylligator, @gowonhatesyou, @grxceblqckthxrn, @gukssunshine, @guktro, @gukwluv, @gukyi, @gyukult, @haine13, @halahala, @halahalaatme, @hanatiny, @hanavbara, @haotheheckk, @heartyyjeno, @heavenlyhongjoong, @heeseungluvs, @heterotragedies, @hobidreams, @honeybeedaydreams, @honeytae, @hongcultz, @hongism, @hopejanaee, @hoseoksyn, @hoshees, @hquackity, @httpknjoon, @hunjins, @hwaberrykiwi, @hwaddict, @hwanami, @hwaseongsbabie, @hwastreasure, @hyuckles-chuckles, @hyucktapes, @illicit-roses, @imlikechaitea, @imoonstarstuff, @inclebtsmix, @inkigayeo, @interstellix, @jaehyuked, @jaehywn, @jaemericano, @jaeminslatte, @jaeminsorbit, @jamaisjoons, @jamaiswoo, @jamaisvujjk, @jayehope, @jcngkooks, @jcngyeol, @jenojam, @jensungf, @jeogiyall, @jeong-uwu, @jeongyunhoed, @jeonqqin, @jeonsdear, @jeonsweetpea, @jimindelune, @jimineos, @jimlvb, @jinmindeulle, @jinned, @jisungshotfirst, @jjeongukie, @jjoon, @joenns, @johnni, @jonghours, @joonghwas, @jooniescupcakes, @joonsgalore, @joonsinnerchild, @juliaseongjoong, @junghelioseok, @jungkookiebus, @jungkxook, @jungshookz, @junstruly, @justrose-things, @jwyfldr

k - o ; @k-n-e-o, @kayabred, @kim-taehyung, @kimchitae, @kimnjss, @kimtaehyunq, @kingjoong, @kireiwoo, @kitsutaes, @kittae, @knjspjm, @kodabodaa, @kookiesjoonies, @kookiestarlight, @kookmint, @kpophoneybunny, @kqtiny, @kyung-seokie, @kyuscafe, @lafaussejoie, @lavenderkoo, @leebutnot, @leeknowism, @lettersfromaphrodite, @lettersfrompersephonae, @lightgreybg, @lilacwoo, @lostcherryjk, @loveablejeekies, @lovedsweet, @lovely-ateez, @lovelygalaxy333-writes, @lovsoul, @lunarmingi, @luvsjoon, @lvrbun, @lybomb, @m24sail, @mapofbts, @markftmingi, @may-tree, @meiiyue, @melodiamore, @mhirais, @midnightseonghwa, @milkbts, @milkyoonoh, @minflix, @minghaon, @mingi-theestallion, @mingkiii, @mingtopiaa, @minihongjoong, @minsugams, @mintyguk, @minyoongail, @mismatchmark, @mistymark, @mjlkau, @mmmhs, @mmoondance, @monotape, @moonblssm, @moongaera, @moonguk, @moonlightzone, @moonlitmyg, @mountainhearts, @mountainsluna, @ms-starlight, @nakamoto, @namgination, @namkooks, @naryfial, @neo-shitty, @neocitybynight, @neptune-xuxi, @nevio, @nose-bandaid, @nvmguk, @oceanofaurora, @ofcyunho, @oksws, @omot7, @onceatinymoo, @orphicepiphany, @osakkun, @ot7always, @park-seonghwa

p - t ; @peachjaem00, @peaches-writes, @personasintro, @petitemingi, @phattestuwu, @philosopher-of-fandoms, @pinktea99, @pinkyyunho, @pjimns, @pjmsdior, @prdshobi, @punkill, @queereightiesheartthrob, @riajae, @rookiegukie, @rosy-wooyoung, @royaltypark, @saksukei, @san-hwa, @sanhwaflower, @sannieboy, @sanstar, @santastic, @seacottons, @seiiblue, @seokstrivia, @seonghwanotes, @seongwhy, @seongsangies, @seonqwha, @serendipityseulgi, @serendipityunho, @serenityswords-main, @seungyoune, @shangri-woo, @she, @shuhuas, @sichengsbimbo, @sillyseoks, @simphwa, @simpsiren, @sketchguk, @skymoonandstardust, @sleepingrenjun, @sleepyateez, @sleepyjhs, @sleepyyangyang, @smallfrye, @smileysuh, @smoochkooks, @snackhobi, @softjeon, @softyoongina, @solarmingi, @soleilees, @songteez, @spacejaems, @sparklingchan, @starlightjoong, @starryseung, @starsuh, @straypatchkids, @strayssara, @stressed-asian, @stutterfly, @sugarboyuto, @sugarjaee, @sugaxjpg, @sungchans, @sunkissedjk, @superhajimark, @taehyungsjuicybooty, @taeilmeyourw1sh, @taelepathysroom, @taemines, @taerseok, @taeyongleee, @talkbykhalid, @tbhchoi, @tearvantae, @teeniemoarmy, @tenaciousinferno, @tenseoyong, @teote, @thanxxskz​, @the-marionettes-locket​, @the-star-named-dowoon​, @the-wonandonly​, @thespadesinyourhearts​, @thorsdreams​, @timetoresurface​, @tiniesan​, @tinylaelia​, @toffee-hwa​, @treasure-hwa​, @treasurehobi​, @tsukuyomes​, @tvfff​, @twdeadfanfic​

u - z ; @uayv​, @userguk​, @utopianvoices​, @v-hope​, @vante-love​, @vanxbb​, @venusjinnie​, @viastro​, @wabisaba​, @waiyv​, @warmau​, @whimsical-ness​, @wincore​, @wintertae​, @wonglix​, @woojjongs​, @wooyunhwa​, @writearctic​, @wuuyoung​, @xherxx​, @xiaocity​, @xjoonchildx​, @xsandjenos​, @xuxi-rolls​, @yeochikin​, @yeoldontknow​, @yeoldotcom​, @yeosangscupid​, @yeostars​, @yeosvng​, @yessidzuiichi​, @yooaliceee​, @yoondoze​, @yoongicrumbs​, @yoongs-jeontae​, @yoonia​, @yoonohho​, @yunhoiseyecandy​, @yunhoway​, @yunhowhoitiss​, @yuniixoxo​

follower count + note ; 3.7k ???? why are yall following me omg kdjdkfjd thank you :(( the amount of love i hold for you guys is immeasurable !! a lot of yall tell me that you’re too scared to talk to me but pls do !! i dont bite i swear !! i love making friends here ! and im sorry for not replying to all of your asks :// sometimes i like to keep them private for my eyes but i swear i read every single one !! thank you again and have a great new year !

following count ; 1.3k lmaoo my dashboard is constantly flooded and sometimes it’s really hectic but fr thank you all for filling my tumblr with happiness and positivity with the occasional thirst trap for a kpop idol rip

2020 fics + upcoming in 2021 recapping all of the fics i wrote this year + lil comments / behind the scenes

- read to me ; kim namjoon ; may 23 - an accident ; johnny seo ; may 23 - chocolates ; jung jaehyun ; may 23 - flash drive ; lee donghyuck ; may 23 - rain ; jeon jungkook ; may 25 - flirts (but no kisses) ; park seonghwa ; may 29

i wrote all of the fics above as part of a short drabble game i made to get out of my writers block !! they weren’t my best works, but i got around 70 requests omg and i only wrote out the first six rip :(( i wanted to write more but i just needed a break for my mental health and couldn’t continue on so i’m sorry to those who requested and didn’t get a fic :(

- rivers over stones ; jeon jungkook ; sept. 12 this huge monster of a fic was what got me out of my writers’ block !! tbh i expected the fic to get like.... 20 notes but it ended up getting far past 3.5k omg thank you so much for all the praise for this fic, it took sooo long for this fic to get out too smh, i can’t believe it was still received so well !!! fyi i read every single review / reblog tags bcs i love reading what yall think :D 

- the day bled away ; park seonghwa ; oct. 16 i wrote this after catching up to the good doctor and i was just in the mood for angst and the idea of hwa being a doctor lol

- mr. sad piano man ; min yoongi ; oct. 29 more fluffy soft angst !! i love writing this genre, especially for yoongi and i’m happy this one was received well !!!

- birthday waffles ; min yoongi ; nov. 14 i was just so soft for yoongi and i wanted to write more for him !! so i made this soft / angsty fic that i’m not particularly proud of, but i’m still glad it’s out there bcs it was sitting in my draft doc for sooo long

- cellmates ; one ; two ; three ; jung wooyoung ; oct. 19 - dec. 23 this is my baby :(( my first long original series !! i’m sooooo excited for this fic to progress and i’m so happy you guys like it as well :3 i love making yall suffer lmaoo 

coming soon in 2021... - future parts of cellmates - king!taehyung x mage!reader (21k written / estimated 40k) - fire!seonghwa x ice!reader (5k written / estimated 20k) - lots and lots more !!!

check out m.list + wips for more info.

final note.

thank you all :(( i really don’t have any words to say left so pls just stay safe and have a happy new year !!! my inbox and messages are always open !

[laynefaire]

2021 Writing Year End Review

I’ve been tagged by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed, @ladyaj-13, and @kingsofeverything to do a review of my 2021 writing. I did this for 2020 as well.  I initially declined doing this because I wrote so very little this year, however after being harangued by @lululawrence and @allwaswell16 I am conceding defeat and doing the thing. 

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 5 (including a WIP)

Shadow Dancing (149365 words and counting)

The Only Pain in Pleasure is the Pleasure of the Pain (10674 words)

Eye of the Storm (100 words)

It's All About the Driver (100 words)

Where Dragons Dwell (100 words)

2. Word count posted for the year: 160.339 words posted (that doesn’t count the 20K sitting in docs)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Zayn Malik

4. Pairings: Ziam, side Larry

5. Story with the most: 

Kudos: Shadow Dancing (148)

Bookmarks: Shadow Dancing  (72)

Comments: Shadow Dancing  (94 comment threads - I don’t want to count total comments, since I did reply to almost every one I received on it)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Even though it’s not done yet, I am definitely most proud of Shadow Dancing. It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’ve done a literal shit ton of research in an effort to ensure the worldbuilding is as plausible as possible. I have over 100 saved links and documents in my research folders - covering topics ranging from boxing, firefighting, ballet, dance studios, and fire restoration, to head trauma, smoke inhalation, UK hospital systems, UK fire brigades, and the West Midlands. 

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): I don’t have anything I’m not proud of, but many things about my writing that I’m disappointed in - mostly my inability to make a damn deadline this year. 

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: I can not single out any one comment as being a favorite, because truly every single comment, no matter how simple it is, means the absolute world to me. It still amazes me that there are people who genuinely enjoy reading what I write enough to leave any comment at all.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: I have had a shit ton of personal challenges this year that I’ve struggled with - and ones that go way beyond being an essential worker during a global pandemic. My friends in my group chats know most of it, and have been incredibly supportive while I’ve been working through things, but there have been far too many times this year when even their unwavering support and encouragement was not enough to get me to open my laptop and buckle down to write. 

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: The way the characters in general have developed in Shadow Dancing. They are very little like I had initially envisioned them when I first started drafting this story, but they are so much more developed and ‘alive’ than I could have ever imagined.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: This is a huge excerpt, but I couldn’t cut it any tighter without losing the feel for it . Referring back to the aforementioned firefighting scenes - here’s this one from Chapter 13 of Shadow Dancing - 

“Liam! You can’t go in there.” Louis insisted, already grabbing his own gear and placing himself in front of Liam to prevent him from entering the building.

Liam advanced on Louis, the muscle in his jaw twitching as he growled through gritted teeth. “Louis, grab a pipe and come with, or get the fuck out of my way. Either way, I’m going in.”

“Fuck!” Louis pressed his radio. “Delta 2-3-1 Alpha to Command. Is occupancy confirmed?”

“Negative.”

”Delta 2-4-2 Alpha to Command.” Liam glared at Louis while he spoke to command. “Private residence on second level. Stairs on C. No other known egress. Permission to access.”

“Access granted Delta 2-4-2 Alpha. Overhead integrity is questionable. Scan for civilians and retreat.”

“Roger Command.” Liam motioned to Michaels to follow him. “Delta 2-4-2 Alpha moving in.”

“Delta 2-3-1 Alpha to Command. Delta 2-3-1 Beta on ground floor. Request permission to cover Delta 2-4-2 Alpha on second level.”

“Permission granted, Delta 2-3-1 Alpha.”

Liam took the steps two at time, Louis on his heels, their seconds following with the hoses. The flames from the adjoining roof cast a wall of heat across the stairs and Liam recoiled as it washed over him. He pressed his hand to the door, checking for signs of potential backdraft. Grimly he waited for Louis’ confirmation, slamming his shoulder into the door to break it open once he had it. The door fell inward, swinging wide on the broken hinges. Liam entered the flat, yelling for Zayn. Smoke filled the air, killing their range of visibility. He waved Louis and his second toward the living room, motioning for Michaels to follow him down the hallway. The crackling of the fire grew louder, flames licking along the edges of the wall shared with the bakery. Liam called for Zayn again, shoving open the bathroom door, then the bedroom. Waving the smoke out of his field of vision, Liam advanced into the room, scanning every corner, finding nothing.

“Delta 2-3-1 Alpha to Delta 2-4-2 Alpha and Command.” Louis’ voice crackled through the radio. “Living room clear.”

“Affirmative Delta 2-3-1 Alpha.” Liam replied, struggling to keep his tone impartial while everything in him was screaming with the urgent need to know Zayn was safe. “Scan complete. Zero civilians. Lay cover and retreat.”

Michaels opened the pipe and Liam took lead, directing a steady stream of water on the walls. The ceiling overhead heaved, sparks raining down around them, the radio erupting in Liam’s ear.

“ROLLOVER! DELTA 2-4-2 ALPHA! DELTA 2-3-1 ALPHA! RETREAT NOW!”

Liam directed the nozzle up, just as a whooshing roar enveloped them, the ceiling erupting in a full blaze, chunks of plaster falling around them. A flaming joist broke loose, and Liam shoved Michaels out of the way, taking the full brunt of the fiery beam across his head and shoulders. He grabbed his radio as he collapsed under its weight, sending out a distress signal just before he lost consciousness.

“DELTA 2-4-2 ALPHA DOWN! REPEAT! DELTA 2-4-2 ALPHA DOWN!”

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I want to explore some different tropes/genres in the coming year and try to stretch my wings into new areas. 

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): The Fat Bird Chat and The Panic Room chat on WhatsApp. The friends I’ve made in both of those chats have been essential to my maintaining any semblance of my sanity over the course of the last 12 months. I am also so so grateful for @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed, @fallinglikethis, and @fearlesslysweetcreature for their unflagging support on Shadow Dancing . They’ve walked with me through so many iterations of scenes, dealt with my 2AM freak-outs, patiently handled with my compulsive need to nitpick details, and just generally have bolstered me when I feel like it’s all garbage and I should delete the lot. 

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Only my undying love for Liam James Payne. 

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Be kind to yourself. Believe in yourself. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other writers or your friends when you’re struggling - whether it’s to vent to them, to have someone to commiserate with, or to find the motivation to keep writing.  I have never met a more supportive group of writers than the ones in this fandom, and they are all so generous with their time and talents. 

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: FINISH SHADOW DANCING! I’m not planning to sign up for too much this year, as I want to focus on finishing up the myriad WIPS I have been toying with for far too long. Besides the fest fics I didn’t get finished this year, I have several started stories that I need to either finish or pull the plug on completely.  I’m also hoping to finally tackle the Drarry ideas that have been lingering in my docs because I’ve been too afraid to do anything with them. Maybe. Hopefully. 

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. I’m not going to tag anyone new, as it seems like every writer I know has already been tagged! However if you’re reading this, are a writer, and haven’t been tagged yet - please feel free to consider this your tag. I’d love to see your answers.

[falsegoodnight]

this is part two of my december fic rec! this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 18th to the 28th!! it’s also my birthday today which makes it even more special! i can think of no better way to spend today than spreading positivity! :)

you can find part one of this month here

✰ there’s happiness because of you by @hadestyles | NR | 1k - (so soft, tender, and beautiful!! rori’s writing amazes me always! and this was written for my birthday because they’re an angel <3)

Thursday mornings have always been their favourite.

✰ and it gets colder and colder by @hadestyles | E | 2K - (another rori fic!! once again, beautiful prose! made me feel emotional!)

Harry wants to take care of Louis. Things take a turn.

✰ make my wish come true by @soldouthaz | M | 3k - (drabble from this series) (so cute, lovely, soft, amazing!!! made my heart so happy! this is also dedicated to me which :’) sarah angel chant)

The taste of Christmas cookies fresh out of the oven and peppermint hot chocolate is still heavy on his tongue. Harry’s sweater provides some warmth and it still smells of him from before he left for his internship two weeks ago, but it’s nowhere near the feeling of his arms wrapped around him. Louis shivers despite the blankets.

✰ spirit meets the bones by @hadestyles​ | E | 3k - (i had to edit to add this because rori wrote another beautiful little fic for me :’) beautiful prose, beautiful emotions, so so so beautiful, gosh. pure poetry!)

The action shouldn’t fill his eyes with tears but it does. These small gestures mean the world to him. A steady reminder that Harry does notice all the tiny, seemingly insignificant details that make Louis him.

✰ 29 Blows by @quelquesetoiles | E | 4k - (super hot but also so cute!! love the concept of the birthday tradition in this one!!!)

For over a decade now, Harry has had his little tradition. It wouldn't be a Louis Tomlinson birthday without his best friend finding new, ingenious ways to make his life more difficult.

It's cute, it's funny, it's theirs, until Harry takes it a step too far on Louis' 29th birthday.

✰ calm me down (before i sleep) by @erodiansunflower | E | 7k - (a pwp and super hot, but also super cute??)

Prompt 24: Harry is a sex shop owner that has a crush on Louis, the shy customer who flirts with him while buying cute buttplugs, lace panties, and collars. One day, Louis asked Harry to help him put on a corset (they end up fucking in the dressing room). Things escalate quickly from there, so they start seeing each other seriously while trying other sex stuff.

✰ You’re Never Alone With a Moon This Bright by @helloamhere | T | 8k - (part one of this series) (WOW this was incredible and i am ENTRANCED! this author is an all-time favorite and idk why it took me so long to get to this series but i’m here now!! and loving it!!)

Louis was a monster. But sometimes, even monsters get a Christmas.

✰ Be a Good Girl For Me by @sincetheywere16and18 | E | 9k - (really hot and cute!!!)

Based on this prompt: “AU where Harry is Louis’ older brother’s best friend. He catches Louis dancing around his room in panties and blackmails him, saying that louis has to do anything he says or else he’ll tell Louis’ family that he wears girly underwear. Secretly soft for him, Harry gives him easy tasks and uses the whole thing to spend more time with Louis. Eventually, the orders begin to escalate and Harry teases Lou about his secret, making Louis shy and embarrassed. Louis loves the attention though, and forms a crush on his brother’s best friend. Lots of feminization, secret relationship, and enemies to lovers. Thank you!”

✰ it’s hard to fight naked by @loustarlight | E | 11k - (LOVED this so much!!! a big fan of enemies/flatmates to lovers especially when there’s a walk-in involved!!)

Louis leaves dirty socks on the couch, Zayn does assignments while he's high, and Harry is hopelessly crushing on his roommate.

✰ Sweet Scary Creatures by @specklelouis | M | 13k - (jurassic park au!! so cute and fun!!! loved louis’ character growth in this in particular!)

They stare into each other's eyes for a while until Louis remembers this is too intimate and looks at Harry’s hands on his thigh. It spans a big portion of his thigh and Louis has always been insecure about how thick he is, so he loves that Harry has huge, dustbin hands that hold him and makes him feel smaller, safer.

✰ hereafter (ad infinitum) by @larryent | M | 13k - (this was absolutely beautiful!! the writing was incredible, the contrast between the old timeline and new one impeccable, and the letters!!! love them!! and vampire harry is always a win!)

"A legacy is every life you’ve touched. And you’ve touched mine twice."

On the coast of San Francisco in 2024 is when Harry falls in love all over again.

✰ Believe Me When I Say You Have It All by @helloamhere | T | 20k - (part two of this series) (loved this even more than it’s predecessor. not to be dramatic, but i’d die for the louis and harry in this series. this whole world has my heart)

Harry had never faced anything in this forest that had actually succeeded in scaring him. Louis was no exception.

✰ Yours to Lose by @loulicate-recs | M | 26k - (so cute and soft and sweet!!! louis and harry were both angels and IAN <3 little cutie!!! so proud of you hanis!)

Louis always gets distracted with his mummy duty and he eventually catches Harry's attention.

✰ But It’s Useless by @thinlinez | E | 26k - (this put such a big smile on my face!! so cute and lovely!! louis was a relatable and adorable menace and harry was a smitten idiot but they both got there in the end!!)

Omega Louis would never guess that he would be trying to hack into Alpha Harry's Wifi. That is until everything changes when he tries to get to know his enemy.

✰ Stuck On You by Writewhatiwant | E | 34k - (so so sweet! loved the aspect of stickers in this fic and how louis found joy in them!! really loved how both louis and harry (especially harry) grew throughout this story and how they found peace at the end!)

Louis’ life revolves around his stickers. Harry’s life revolves around his job. The universe has decided their worlds should revolve around each other.

✰ smoke between your teeth by @soldouthaz | E | 37k - (i think everyone knows how much i adore sarah and her fics but this one just might be a new favorite! loved all the psych stuff, the pining, the rom-com worthy confession <3 brilliant!)

Louis tries to stop his addiction to cigarettes and discovers he's been addicted to Harry for much, much longer.

✰ Your Life Worth Walking on a Bright Morning by @helloamhere | T | 38k - (part three of this series) (it just keeps getting better and better <3 so comforting and consistent and beautiful!)

For all its complexity, Louis sometimes reminded himself, life could always be simplified into a series of forks in the road. Even overwhelmingly big things were survivable when you broke them down to their choice. One path or the other, left or right.

✰ On The Edge by @zanniscaramouche | E | 47k - (so crazy good!! zanni is always amazing me!! loved the ice skating, the hockey, the misunderstandings, the multi-faced and beautiful characters and relationships - all so perfect!)

Figure skating is as vital to Louis’ identity as his DNA, so when his skates go missing right before the last Olympics of his career there may be a meltdown only vanilla bath salts can fix. Well, that and the stupidly charming hockey player he met on the plane.

Harry’s too old to be the wonder kid and too young to be taken seriously in the NHL. As an alternate thrown in at the last second, he fights to prove himself on the national team at the largest sporting event known to man. Or he will, once he gets off this flight and can focus on something other than the fussy figure skater and his stunningly blue eyes.

A baggage mix-up skews both of their perfectly laid plans for gold, forcing the two to work together as the clock clicks towards the minute they’re expected to shine on centre ice.

✰ made for lovin’ you by @cuddlerlouis | E | 53k - (loved this so much!! touch depri/accidental bonds are my favorite and this was no exception!!! the characterizations, the tension, the misunderstandings, the tenderness, the fluff!!! so good!)

A quick, horny decision ruins Louis’ summer plans, but may also lead to unexpected discoveries. Featuring the road trip of dreams, misunderstandings, and a bit of fate.

✰ social cues by @outropeace | E | 56k - (so fucking good!! the slow burn in this was impeccable!!! pair it with friends with benefits, mutual pining, angst, misunderstandings... amazing <3)

To Harry, Louis was becoming as tangible and essential as music in his life. He still was a mystery but at the same time, he was one of the most real things Harry had. He just hoped he could live up to the image Louis probably had in his mind of him.

He could play the part, after all, what was published of him wasn’t as detached from reality. He didn’t think of himself as a rockstar cliche, although he couldn't deny he did sleep around, partied a lot, and did some drugs. But then again, wasn’t that what the majority of his friends back in his hometown were doing at college?

Harry wanted to impress Louis, he didn’t want to disappoint or leave his expectations unfulfilled, so he’d give him the full rockstar experience.

It was a very simple plan, what could possibly go wrong?

✰ dripping like spider milk by @raspberryoatss | E | 64k - (pip amazing me with her talent? a common occurrence. this was so wonderfully written and so well done!! loved the characterizations, the dynamic, the angst, the miscommunication, the pining, the HUMOR!!! it was all so amazing!!)

When he sees the alpha, his brown hair curling around the top of his neck and his broad back that’s filled out over the past couple of years, Louis freezes for a moment. The alpha turns around, Louis’ surprised expression mirrored on his own for a fraction of a second before he schools it into a big, yet shy grin and a wave of his huge hand. With his nostrils flared, Louis knows that he can smell him, too.

They never hired alphas, except for—

“Harry.”

✰ a taste of freedom and sweetened passion by @tomlinvelvetfics | M | 74k - (okay technically haven’t finished reading this one yet but i want to get this up early and i already know this is amazing because it’s LATE and she’s incredible!!! and, i mean, anne of green gables?? abo?? best birthday gift ever!! will be spending the day reading this in bliss <3)

“Are you mad?” he explodes, throwing his hands up, groaning. “I was so, so close to reaching my goal, and your stupid, stalking ass had to creep up on me, hm?”

Harry is trying to keep his laughter in, walking closer to him, eyes soft. He doesn’t like the way those eyes make him feel, an odd, dangerous mix of nervous and flustered, so he bends down to pick up the books, raising an eyebrow when Harry growls in protest.

“I wanted to pick them up for you,” the alpha pouts, and Louis glares at him, getting into position and lowering the pile of yellowed pages over the top of his head.

“I’m a functional human being, thank you very much,” he grits out as he begins to walk and mentally count the amount of steps he takes. One, two, three, for heaven’s sake Harry fuck off!, four, five. He doesn’t let himself be distracted as the alpha walks along with him despite the slow pace, green eyes focused on him in a way that would, in any other cases, compelled him to throw a book in the alpha’s face.

He doesn’t know why he doesn’t do it and certainly doesn’t want to think about the reason, whatever it might be.

If you read any of these lovely fics, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!

*if i made any errors, please let me know :)

enjoy!

[sevensided]

how did you get into writing fic? i'd love to start but idk even where to begin! I loved adats so I was wondering do you have any advice?

Oh my goodness! I am so flattered you’ve asked me this. Yes, I can absolutely help. I’ll throw a bunch of rambling under the cut.

I started writing fic probably when I was... sixteen years old? A lot of my early works were oneshots. I couldn’t figure out how to do anything plot heavy for the life of me, so I just stuck to AUs or whatever I felt like. I wasn’t in any particular fandom -- I really wrote whatever I had ideas for. I remember I tried once to do a plot-heavy story and I received a review absolutely ripping it to shreds. Like, it was so cruel I cried lol. I ended up deleting the fic. Years later, I get what they were trying to say (basically, more substance, less style), but at the time it cut to the quick. Really, it was only when I was in my twenties that I started writing work that was longer and/or better.

The fandom that helped me actually write plot heavy work was a historical-based fandom. As I’m a historian, it was perfect. I got to use my research skills and knowledge to create works that, above all, aimed to feel authentic. I mainly read historical fiction, so I was familiar with how that genre worked. Miraculously, people loved my work. I think I wrote about ~200k in the period of a year? These were several short stories (20-40k) and a few oneshot filler fics. While I was part of this fandom I also helped organise a Big Bang which was a lot of hard work but was extremely rewarding. Along with that, I interacted mainly with other fic writers, so I spent a lot of time chatting to people about ideas and encouraging other writers, and it just created a lovely medley where no concept was impossible or any line of dialogue too difficult. We supported each other and it was truly like a little commune. I gradually stepped away from the fandom mainly because it was just a part of my life at a very specific time, and almost as soon as that time was over, my love for that story/ship faded, but I firmly believe I figured out a lot of how/what I do now purely through that experience.

Regarding ADATS

With ADATS, it stemmed entirely from wanting to “explain” three months in canon (at the end of season three). I was interested in the idea of season four setting up Will/Mike in canon, and I wanted to test the source material to see if I could draw from what already existed to create something authentic. I began with that simple idea: what happened from July to October in 1985? Then I thought about the major themes I wanted to hit -- family, friendship, coming of age, sexuality -- and I nested them around the bigger concept: how do I get Mike from being ostensibly straight to realising he is gay? That meant thinking of two steps: Mike discovering his attraction to guys; Mike discovering his attraction to Will. Those two concepts were separate “arcs” that needed addressing in different ways. Balance was key to weaving them together and making the reader feel like they knew what was coming (and that they felt smart for putting the pieces together) without just rushing through and going “now kiss!” That’s partly why ADATS needs a sequel, lol: because it’s not finished!

Writing process

The first thing I do when I start to get an idea is I write it down. Sounds obvious. But when you have a killer line of dialogue come to you in the shower and you think “I’ll remember that” -- reader, you will not remember it. You gotta get it down ASAP! I do that the whole way through, as generally I’ll be thinking of scenes I’m stuck on and then it’ll just come to me and I’ll quickly jot it down.

The next thing -- or what I do in the meantime -- is start structuring. I plan. I try to plan a lot. Sometimes it’s okay to write “and something happens here to get them here”, because you’ll figure it out later, but for the most part I’ve discovered that planning is like gold and you can’t get enough of it. I break my work up into generally 3-4 parts/sections, and I treat each section like a mini story. So each part needs a conflict and resolution, and it needs to flow into the next section. You need to have a feeling of things evolving and maturing. Once I’ve planned those little bits, I start thinking about the bigger plot arc and how I can drop in hints along the way. I’m probably not a subtle or skilled enough writer to yet pull off that sort of gasping twist you get in really excellent books, but I’m trying to get there. It’s hard, is what I’m trying to say, but that’s okay, because we’re all learning.

Then I generally do aesthetic stuff. Sounds stupid, probably. But nothing helps me get more into a mood than doing a Pinterest board or -- most of all -- making a Spotify mix. I start thinking about the vibe and the general atmosphere, and then I almost exclusively listen to that mix when I’m working. Sort of like muscle memory? Just to get the creative juices associated with that particular selection of songs.

Another thing I’ll do along with plot structure is character structure. This is a biggie. I mean, a story is nothing without characters. So I’ll just jot down a bunch of bullet points of characters and particular aspects that I want to highlight or remember. I hate continuity errors in fiction. Like, if someone says they work on Maple Street but later in the fic they’re working on Pine Street. I hate that. So I keep note of specific things that my main character might notice at repeated points in the story (colours, places, smells, names, sounds -- so they’re all consistent even as the narrative evolves). That’s another thing -- your characters’ motivations. Not everyone is going to be a huge player, but they all do serve a purpose. The most important character is obviously your main character. I personally think it’s important to let your M.C. be an arse at times. They’re going to be mean, they’re going to misinterpret things or fly off the handle... just let ‘em. Let them be wretched humans, and then bring them back and make them realise what they’ve done. Let them learn! I love consequences in fiction, lol.

At the same time, I’ll probably start writing. We’ve already written down some snippets of neat dialogue or descriptions, but now we should start the actual process. For me, I used to start at the beginning. Usually this was the most fleshed out anyway: I’ll have a clear idea of the beginning and the end, but nothing in the middle. These days, if I have a scene in mind that I can’t forget, I’ll just write it. It will possibly get scrapped or rewritten, but that’s okay, because at least you’ve got it down and now you can devote your brain power to something useful (like figuring out what the middle is supposed to be). I’ll have half a dozen of totally out of context scenes just littered in my Word document that I’ll add to as I go along. Eventually, though, you’re going to start writing properly, and that’s when you write your opening scene.

Opening scenes: super important. Every time I write a scene I think: what is the point of this? What do I want the reader to learn or takeaway? Sometimes you do have filler scenes, but they also serve a different purpose (perhaps to establish a group dynamic or to explore/describe a character’s surroundings). Mainly, though, every scene should push something forward in some way, whether it’s character development or a plot point. So, with an opening scene, I always think you have to establish: where you are; who you are; what they are doing; where they’ve come from (in a philosophical and practical sense); and where they’re going (ditto). That doesn’t have to happen in the first paragraph -- that would be silly. But if you sprinkle that information in over time it’ll gradually build up a picture of your character and that way the reader can get an idea of who they are. You basically need to give a snapshot of what your story is about. This also goes back to the character creator stuff: where they are at the start should be different to where they end up. How that happens is, of course, because of plot, and because you’ve structured everything to the nth degree, we’ve got a very clear progression of that character’s growth (/s easier said than done lol).

General advice

Write down everything: every idea, a bit of dialogue, a description, whatever. Write it down. Doesn’t have to be neat. Just has to be on paper. You can’t remember everything, so if you’re spending time trying to hold those things in your head, it’s taking up space for new ideas to come along.

Structure, plan, structure, plan. Sometimes it’s boring and I hate it. Other times, when I’ve not written in a few days and I open the Word doc and think wtf is this supposed to be, I am very grateful for Past Me for leaving such detailed notes. Seriously, it helps so much. Oneshots don’t really need planning, in my experience. You just get those out there. But multi-chaptered stories really do, even ones that “just” focus on a relationship.

Whatever you want to write, commit to it. Space goblins invade Hawkins? Do it. Eleven and Max find themselves in a cult akin to Midsommar (2019) and must escape? Yes. Just... whatever you want to do, remember that you’re writing it for you. Write what most interests you, what makes you when you reread it go AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!! Because that makes it a thousand times easier to actually get on with the writing when you enjoy what you’re doing.

Write a lot. Every day, if you can, or at least at designated times. Occasionally I have a very specific headspace/vibe I have to be in, but sometimes it just hits me and I’ll say to my partner “I need to write now” and just disappear, lol. The more you write the more you write. It’s so, so, so true. Cannot emphasise this enough. When I wrote that ~200k in twelve months? It was because I literally wrote every. day. Or near enough. Remember that some days you’ll write 200 words, and other days you’ll write 20k (this happened to me with ADATS -- part of the reason I finished it so quickly was because I had sprints of writing 10k+ at a time that only happened because I was in the rhythm of it). Write, write, write. Who cares if it’s crap! No one will see it until you are ready. In the meantime, just write!

Probably last of all (although I could go on and on) is connect with other writers. If you’re struggling to start, sometimes just talking about it can help a huge amount. I hope it goes without saying that you can message me whenever you want, anon or not, and I will talk to you. We can talk about ideas or I can beta stuff, whatever you want! Find like-minded people and talk to them about what you want to do. Another thing this helps is in advertising your work when you do publish. I see a lot of first time fic writers get super down because they publish their magnum opus on AO3 but no one comments. Honestly, it’s because no one knows you’ve published! You don’t have to be tooting your own horn every which way, but just actively talking about your work and even collaborating with other content creators with get you hyped and other people too (and the input and encouragement other fandom members give is just... out of this world. Anon messages helped me finish ADATS when I was really worried I wouldn’t [that’s the truth]. Seriously, support is everything). When you have people excited about your work, you get excited. It’s really as simple as that.

I could go on but this is already horrendously long. I hope even a bit of this helps! If you want to chat or have any more questions, just hit me up any time.

[fallen-gravity]

8 Favorite Works of the Year

Tagged by the wonderful @novantinuum​! I was too caught up in finals at the actual time of being tagged,  but there’s no better way to start the year then by reflecting on my fics from last year, right?

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!

Tagging: @stariousfalls @ariasofelegance @fexalted @halogalopaghost

No particular order, just a group of stuff I’m proud of! ;w;

1. Forever Together (fic; Steven Universe; Connverse)

I’ve always loved marriage proposal fics. I never had the guts to write one before 2019, but they’ve always ben my favorite genre of tooth-rotting fluff. I knew after Together Forever aired that I wanted to see a fix-it, and I poured so much love and effort into this fic less than a month after the series finale aired. Rarely can I write over 5k words in a one-shot purposely, and I’m real happy with how this one came out.

2. Contact (fic; Infinity Train; Jesslake)

No joke, this fic started out as way to cope with the early weeks of the pandemic. I was lonely, and touch-starved, and missed human touch, and manifested all of my feelings into this fic. And wouldn’t you know? It blew up. I received my first fan art for this story that I still have bookmarked eight months later.

3. Trust In Me (fic; Infinity Train; Jesslake)

My first time dabbling in second-person perspective since...2012, maybe?? I’m so happy that I was able to switch right back into it like I’d never stopped, and I’m so happy it was so well received! 

4. Scars, Show Me All The Scars You Hide (fic; Gravity Falls; Ford & Mabel Pines)

This one makes me really...nostalgic? It’s the first fic I wrote for Gravity Falls since early 2016? The character voices never left my head, and it felt so validating to get right back into the flow of things ;;w;;

5. Unanswered Questions  (fic; Infinity Train; Jesslake)

I actually almost completely forgot that I wrote this one in 2020?? I’m just as equally inexperienced in writing one-shots under 1k that I am one-shots that are over 5k, and I was able to get this one in....under 900? that’s a huge personal accomplishment ;;w;;

6. Safety in Numbers  (fic; Gravity Falls; Stan & Ford Pines)

This one was inspired by a lovely piece or art by @artsymeeshee​ of some platonic cuddles and I just couldn’t help but to take it run, I always love when I’m able to look at a still piece of fan-art and run wild with it 

7. awaken the stars, cause they’re all around you (fic; Gravity Falls, Ford Pines & Everyone)

probably one of the best kept secret I’ve ever had, I spent almost an entire month working on this surprise birthday present for @stariousfalls. over 7k in one chapter is far from what I was planning, but I went absolutely hog wild with it and had a blast the entire time.

8. Fightin’ Back (fic; Gravity Falls; Stan & Dipper Pines)

Me??? starting and finishing a 20k+ multi-chapter fic in under a year? It’s more likely than I think, and the most I’ve ever been able to accomplish. I’ve written a 4 chapter that capped out at under 19k in the past, and I had a multi-chapter with at least 22k, but that fic was long abandoned about five years ago, and completing this project made me feel like I can accomplish anything I set my eyes on, writing wise :’)

[kiki-is-writing]

the beginning and end of everything UPDATE!!!

DISCLAIMER: This is my original work. I choose to share my work here and here specifically for my comrades in the writing community. Plagiarism in any form will not be tolerated. 

HI EVERYONE! I FINISHED MY NOVEL! Whooo hoooo!!!

It’s actually sort of surreal, I started it in June of 2020 and now it’s 2021 and it’s over! Ty, Jude, Ada, Dorothy, and Madison have been living in my head since October 2019, and less than a year and a half later, they’ve been brought to life! Crazy!!

A summary in case you forgot/are seeing this and don’t know who the hell I am:

Ty Kassisieh has no direction. He’s just graduated college with a degree he doesn’t care about and no clue what to do with his life. Per his parent’s request to be more like his genius twin sister Ada, he picks up a job at a local library to save some money. There, he meets his coworker Jude, who’s stuck in a position not too far from his own, and Ty immediately sees the potential for companionship. But after speaking to him, Ty discovers Jude is everything he isn’t: he’s cold, introverted, aloof, and worst of all, humorless. Soon, Ty forgets all about his initial goal and becomes determined to crack Jude and see what makes him tick. 

Ty’s journey of self-discovery is uprooted completely as what begins as an investigation blossoms into a friendship, and then into something more. Ty is forced to confront the feelings he’s been pushing down since high school and come to terms with himself, his family, and the relationships he thought would never change. It’s only when he befriends a young library patron, Madison, that he finally begins to see the world for what it is and figures out how to pave his own path.

Here are some stats!

Word count: 65,900 (it’ll get at least 20k words longer)

Genre: Romantic comedy

POV: third person limited, present tense

Characters: Ty, Jude, Ada, Madison, Dorothy, Diane, Omar, Paul, Uncle Hubie, Ethel

Chapters: 15

Font: Times New Roman (sorry)

This was my second novel, but the first novel where I actually knew what I was doing, at least a little bit. And holy shit, I learned SO much about my writing process:

1. I cannot pants for the life of me. I have no idea what I’m doing without an outline. But sometimes, the outline doesn’t know best. I added a ton of subplots and off-the-cuff scenes halfway through that have no set up, gave up on subplots that weren’t working halfway through, it’s a disaster of a plot. BUt the important thing is that I know how to make it perfect. I know what the story needs and how to get that.

2. Why can I only write in bursts? I wrote like seven chapters, half the novel, in the month of July. There was a day where I wrote almost 5,000 words. And last night, I wrote for 6 hours straight, without eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom (because frankly, I forgot those things existed) and I cranked out a chapter and a half in a DAY. I had such a headache and was very hungry by the end, but it was SO REWARDING. 

3. I noticed while drafting is how often bits of my real life bled through. Little anecdotes, arguments, dynamics and experiences. Those who know me particularly well can probably pick out little allusions to either some of my past works, my friends, and myself.

It was 1:00 AM when I finished, and I live on the east coast of the U.S. so we’d just had a huge Nor’easter (New England for blizzard) and I went outside in the middle of the night, in my pajama pants and my uggs, and stood in my backyard and looked at the trees and processed the fact that wow, I just wrote a novel. It was cathartic and beautiful and I 110% recommend standing in snow up to your knees by yourself in the middle of the night. Very peaceful. 

As exciting as it is to be done, it’s kind of weird to be ending it. I started this novel from Ty’s first person POV, and he was just kind of another goofy, dorky character that shared my own sense of humor as well as my sense of perfectionism. But as I wrote, not only did I realize that third person worked so much better, but I started realizing how much of me and my own journey as a queer person had gone into this. It turned from a light-hearted, silly rom-com with little depth, a fun summer project to keep myself busy, to the most self expressive story I’ve ever written. I didn’t expect it to come out with much deeper meaning, it was summer and I was on a light-hearted rom-com kick, and life was carefree and silly and I wanted a book that reflected it. And then, school started, and life just descended into absolute chaos, and it was November, and it was NaNoWriMo, and I was writing my novel while watching CNN for a week straight. (But it all turned out great! New president!)

I can’t remember exactly when I started to incorporate my own struggles growing up as a queer kid, but somehow they bled through in the second half. The last scene of the book is (no spoilers) an incredible breath of fresh air for Ty. It’s something I can only wish for every queer teenager, that moment where you can finally be unapologetically and authentically queer without that nagging worry in the back of your mind. I’ve struggled over this past year with my identity, and as Ty found his place, I found mine as well. 

Seriously, writing this book was one of the best experiences I’ve had. Yes, the entire time I had a separate document open, writing down every little thing that needs to change, but I legitimately feel excited for draft 2 and continuing working on this project. I think about how much this book helped me, unconsciously creating the story that I needed to hear, and how maybe, in ten, fifteen years, some queer teenager will be wandering around a bookstore and pick up The Beginning and End of Everything. Maybe just because the cover is pretty. Maybe they like the F. Scott Fitzgerald reference in the title. Maybe they heard about it on Twitter somewhere. But they pick it up, and see themselves in Ty, or in Jude, or in Madison. I know every book that gave me that feeling, I cherish them so deeply, and all I really want is for someone to get that feeling from something I wrote. To see themselves in the pages and know they’re not alone. It’s cheesy, but it’s true, and it’s important. 

I think one of my favorite themes in the novel is the whole ‘someone’s got your back’ thing. I 100% did not mean for it to go in the way it did, but I was writing this as I was going through some Stuff, some stuff in which I realized that having someone, just one person in your corner can mean the entire world, if only for that moment. And if there’s no one in your corner when you need it, you can be in someone else’s when they need it. Frankly, I love how it plays out throughout the novel. There was always that theme of Ty and Madison sort of being there for each other, but as I found myself in the first semester of the school year building new friendships with incredible, smart, funny people (albeit most of that being online) and strengthening old bonds, it worked its way in, and it fits perfectly. It adds depth and strength to the story I couldn’t have done consciously. 

Essentially, it is still the romantic comedy I intended it to be, but it’s also a coming-of-age (except much older than the traditional coming-of-age). Watching some of my close friends and family graduating college and continuing to struggle with their identities and places in the world I think is what truly carved out this idea. Because not everyone has everything figured out as soon as they graduate, and I feel like, as a teenager, that’s something my friends and I really need to get through our heads. A lot of us expect to have everything figured out as soon as we turn 18. But, we’re 18. There’s a lot of life ahead of us, and we can’t possibly know what we’re going to do so young. So I think that was my main source of inspiration for this novel, and I’m really proud of the way that fleshed out. Of course it needs lots and lots of work, but. I like it. The way my personal life bled through and strengthened the story is incredible to reflect on. Honestly, I really, truly, cannot wait to start working on draft 2.

taglist:

@alicewestwater @august-iswriting @lottieiswriting @phiwrites @jennawritesstories @chloeswords

[prorevenge]

Causing my group to loose out on paid internships.

I do a computer science degree at university. We had a group work project which is set out in two stages. It involves making an application with a report about it in the first. Then the second is to improve both the code and report based on feedback from module organiser.

I was with four others and we each picked a parts of the work that we would do. I was the groups most confident coder so assigned myself alot (~ half) of the code and no report work as I suck at it and hate it.

I do all my work for it and say this to the group, this is immediately met with "can you do my bit of the code too" type stuff. I willingly do so saying I will note this for the group contribution report. (A report that each member of the group has to submit saying how much each person contributed and our marks were based of this).

I ended up producing this entire application which was worth half the marks for the first stage. I contacted my module organiser and they suggested if people weren't pulling thier weight to leave the group (taking my code with me) and do the report. That would mean I would need to work flat out to produce the report. I didn't want that.

But then I got asked to do some of the report to about how the code actually worked, alot of the report was stuff about end users etc which they could do but they needed me to do this as they didn't know what the hell all my code did. I again (probebly for like the 5th time) said I would, but will note if for the GCR.

All in all I worked out that I had done ~60% of all the work for 5 people in the group. With all our work done we were ready to submit but all needed to do the GCR. There was talk amongst the others of all writing that we each contributed 20% of the workload to "make us look better as a team". I flatly refused. They exploded calling me with every name under the sun, swearing at me. I explained that half the marks for the project go to the code and half to the report. So I said that we have each done 1/5 of the report and that I had done all the code bringing my total to 60 and thiers all to 10. They weren't happy. I sent this off with those values. And thought that was that.

My module organiser then emailed me asking if I had any proof of this as I put myself alot higher than everyone else did. They all put me at 0% apparently and themselves at 25%. Essentially out casting me from the "team" and trying to give me no marks for all my hard work.

This is where the revenge comes in.

I emailed him back linking him to the github I used to share the code with the team (github is a source control that shows who made changes to the code) and showed him that all the commits were done by me Proving that I did all of it. And thankfully we did the whole report on Google drive so I could also see the history on that document and send him screenshots of all the alterations made by me proving that I wrote ~20% of the report also.

He added it all up and made a special exception for my group. Saying he would give me most credit for the work. The way that he calculated our marks was: He marked all our work normally. I got most of the credit so got the highest mark. They all did 6 times less work than me and therefore deserved 6 times less of a mark.

I think I ended up with a 65 and they all get 11 for the whole coursework section 1.

Now this course is 100% of the marks for the module meaning they just got 11% for 50% of a whole module. Which is a biiiiiggg fuck up.

Section 2 is fixing the feedback the teacher gives and improving your report and code. So turned out I fucked up a bit on the code only getting about 50% of the marks with like a massive issue in it (dumb me) but my report sections were near perfect. Spelling mistakes and formatting etc. There were a few glaring mistakes from the report but other than that not bad.

When they found out thier marks they started calling me up and emailing me and messaging me almost for about 3 hours, I was happily rowing at the time (teacher sent an email explaining that they had lied and he had proof about it so corrected the marks according).

At this point I quit the group, and decided to work on section 2 by myself. TAKING ALL OF MY CODE WITH ME. Removing thier access to all of it. I of course asked my module organiser first and they said it was fine as it was my work and if I was no longer in thier group the others couldn't submit it.

I fixed the error in the code in about 2 weeks. Then did the whole report from scratch almost and added a load about the fix taking me about 7 weeks.

I ended up submitting 2 weeks early for the deadline and got 100% on the whole section 2. Which is basically unheard at university, especially by your self for group work.

Later that day I get an email from a plaugurisum and collusion officer. Not someone you ever want to get an email from. Basically says I'm summoned to a hearing as an external body looked at both my group (me, myself and I) and my old groups coursework and thought it was very similar. I get the whole project that my group handed in and my own back as evidence so I can look and prepare my answer. So this is a virtually meeting (yay, virus). I email back asking if I can have my module organiser present too. They say he has already been invited. Perfect.

I email my module organiser ask if he supports me in this because basically they can punish all of you or 1 group (never nobody). He says yes he supports me in this. Perfect.

I prepare for this meeting by going though the hundreds of commits I have made while they had access to find the one that is most similar to it. I find a PERFECT match, 0 differences, not even a single character. Through the thousands of lines of code.

So I turn up to this meeting there is the VP of computing there (guy who could basically do whatever the hell he wants to us). My old group when asked to present thier answer as to why this has happened go on about how they did all of it by themselves blah blah blah. You get the point, this goes on for about 10 mins. Then I am asked to present my argument. I ask if I can share my screen. VP: "yeah... Okay..." puzzled. So I share it. Show me downloading a fresh version of what they submitted, and a fresh version of one of my commits on the github, and running it through the universitys own comparison software (which I also asked for). I narrated this to explain what I was doing just to be clear. Took a while but came up as I knew it would 0 differences. Everyone was stunned. One of the group members uttered "but...". I just laughed. And was quickly asked to hang up as I was no longer involved.

Turned out they had cloned one of my commits and not been able to fix it atall so just submitted it and hoped for the best.

Then one of my friends who is friends with one from my old group asked what grade they got and they said that they failed the whole module and would have to retake it over the summer costing them and everyone in my old group thier placement year jobs, after all who wants someone who failed a module so badly working for them. This ment that they all lost out on being paid ~20k each for the years work. Which goes a long way for a uni student. While I happily get mine.

TL:DR Old group tried to screw me over, so I screwed them out of 80k total.

(source) story by (/u/notABadGuy3)