#I could not concentrate
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ok. I am going to have this blog as backstage, the real me (hopefully without revealing all vulnerabilities) and another as frontstage, official writing. Perhaps only give ppl the writing link here bc i don't want ppl going there who I don't want, any naysayers, trolls, etc. Doesn't mean i won't post some things about writing here.
I need to have a fail safe and also an outlet. To avoid totally saying anything-- I will have a safety valve in other blog to calm me down. Perhaps a bridge to real world where i can jump out of any social media fuelled spirals. And this so I don’t start posting personal stuff there. So i have an outlet if needed.
Hopefully this system will work.
And I also have bunches of side blogs to show fragments of myself and what I care about and believe in
But here is all, (or sort of) and the real me with no veneer bc i need. Real.
#Unfiltered yet semi filtered#Safety valve#Outlet#Tumrblr#Also so I don't make yet another blog and leave this one#And make cycle continue#Cycle stops here#And I am moving forward#Perhaps some bc I literally am being more deliberate about tumrblr#Can't let it consume me or be a life substitute#Not make it distract me from real or what I need#But also it's a nice comfort some days#Something to do in time spaces#Lol#Whats the word#Like today#I could not concentrate#Bc weekend#So#Hopefully readjust soon#So get all my things going#Not like I won't be myself on other blog#Mean I share less of my self#Still true
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2b61458f74a86eefe1dad79ebc9fb5d4/f5bb8f671c3a7ce6-3a/s540x810/7e49f0627826af94ab156bb205213f5a091f6d6d.jpg)
Don't worry Rook's a philantropist he will help you aim better next time, perhaps...
No dialog version under the cut
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#Twisted wonderland#rook hunt#twst rook#rollo flamme#twst rollo#Croissant de lune#“oh i'll make an effort and try to add a background” *proceeds to just draw a stone wall once again*#hey at least there's like... 5% perspective#I wish I was faster at drawing so I could just put out more of these two on here I want to share more not just have it all in my brain augh#ᴵ ᵈᶦᵈ ᵈʳᵃʷ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵏᶦˢˢᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ#used all my concentration for this art here and will probably forget how to render next time I do full colors again :))))
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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Hades: "...Zeus."
Zeus: "...Hades."
Reader: "I want you both carnally so fucking bad."
Hades: "What?"
Reader: "What?"
Zeus: "Oh?"
Hades: "Zeus!"
Zeus: "I mean what?"
#blood of zeus#blood of zeus x reader#zeus x reader#hades x reader#this was a SERIOUS SCENE but all I could concentrate on was how hot they were I'm sorry#boz zeus#boz hades#boz x reader#blood of zeus season 2
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Welcome to the Restraint! (Restaurant)
Imagine Danny runs to Gotham and starts squatting in an abandoned old building in Crime Alley. Slowly putting some ecto into the place to claim it as his haunt (while recovering from the sudden loss of his old one). And he does the normal stuff to survive. Finds some odd jobs, often as a messenger, and is just surviving. Another thing he does is make his own food. It’s cheaper than takeout and he’s gotten pretty good at cooking (out of necessity instead of eating sentient hotdogs). Then he ends up accidentally taking in some street kids. Or more like they follow him home. He can’t just turn them away so he makes a meal for them and lets them stay the night then sends them on their way. And then it happens again. And again. And ok, so maybe he saved a girl from getting molested. And that older guy from getting his only good blanket stolen. And sure, maybe letting that poor pizza delivery guy rant was unnecessary but he looked like he was having a bad day ok? Pretty sure that kid with the scar is a meta too but…he needed a place to stay a few nights alright? It’s not like any of them stay permanently. Danny’s started picking up a few more odd jobs to pay for all the extra food he’s had to buy. Always keeping his place stocked. At least he doesn’t have to pay for water and a fridge, he just makes some ice (or melts it). Sure the water is cold, but it’s probbaly the cleanest water in Gotham. And then some of the people start paying. Like…actually paying in exchange for food. Not sure if it’s because of guilt or pity but Danny won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. And with all the money, he hasn’t had to take as many dangerous jobs. Soon, his little abandoned apartment became what’s essentially the closest thing to a legitimate restaurant in Crime Alley.
It didn’t look normal. The chairs and tables were more like old couches and stools pulled up to coffee tables and cabinets turned on their side. Although with the bulling becoming more like Danny’s haunt, the walls naturally started repairing themselves so at least it didn’t look like it was gonna collapse anymore. And ok…so Danny might have rescued a few feral kids who…weirdly have gold eyes. And possibly stopped a meta trafficking ring on accident. And look, these people didn’t have anywhere to go! And the apartment did have empty rooms. It was already known as a place someone could crash for the night (last winter the entire place was cramped with people. Danny had to break up multiple fights but they usually calmed down when he got there.)
One benefit from controlling a haunt is controlling the temperature inside so it was one of the only buildings with ‘heat’. But back to his…strays. So yeah…most didn’t seem like they could rejoin society…so he let them stay. And…they kind of became employees? Impromptu bodyguards? (Some of the golden eyed people almost felt like he was rangling feral ghosts again.) they came in all ages. A few kids, lots of teens, and a few adults. Same with the metas he rescued. They mostly helped deliver food to costumers. They even got a phone line working and could take orders. (Although the new…employees…also got more protective whenever a fight broke out.) With all the extra money he’s been getting he was even able to afford some medical supplies. A lot of his customers(?) came in injured and he tried his best to patch them up but now he could do more than tie some ripped clothing around the wound and use ice to numb it. He’s got bandages. And pain killers. Plus other medical stuff. He can even give someone stickers now! All that experience as an injured vigilante was paying off. Even Villains and goons start attending this place. The place was unofficially designated as one of the Alley’s ‘safe zones’ where no fighting takes place inside (the body guards make sure of it.) the metas and Talons are getting an identity for themselves, the street kids even get a job and a hideout, random people can go there for help or to pass messages, this place provides food, shelter, and medical care. No one wants it going down.
So yeah, welcome to the restaurant!
(I’m debating whether I want this to be the weirdest restaurant/safe place/truce area in the alley, or whether I want Danny to accidentally become a crime lord. Possibly both.)
Also, this place is called the Restraint because I keep misspelling Restaurant and I think Danny would do the same so the name stuck. (Or one of the kids spelled it when making a sign or passing around messages to spread the word of this safe place.)
So anyways, to add some angst, after Danny adopts a bunch of crime alley kids/villains they find out about Danny’s powers and that he’s a ghost, only they don’t know about Halfas so they think Danny is fully dead and this super kind guy who has been the only person to ever treat them like people…died. He died likely a long time ago and there’s nothing any of them can do to change that.
(And if the GIW dare to come into the alley, they better be prepared for the entire place to turn on them.)
#Dpxdc#dcxdp#Kizzer55555 ideas#I kinda like the idea of Danny also being able to cure joker venom#So like what could happen is a recent attack caused some people he knew to get infected#they came into the Restraint laughing while tears trailed down their face and they were gasping like they couldn’t breathe.#Danny can immediatly tell something’s wrong and can practically see their veins glowing green.#They had enough joker venom that it should be perminant but Danny uses his powers.#What he does is concentrate and phase shift them and ONLY them. Letting the venom fall through and splatter the ground with a hiss.#It’s the first time anyone has seen Danny use powers but everyone unanimously agrees never to mention it.#Of course. There are many people people who might then bring their loved ones to Danny. Hoping he could help.#You would be surprised how many kids are in the alley because their parents were gassed with joker venom#and the foster system wouldn’t take them. Or people who lost their jobs to pay for medical bills for loved ones.#So then an alley guy brings his gassed sister in. She had been in the hospital for 2 years now and he knows it’s a long shot.#But he has to try.#It’s harder than the fresh venom since the drug had been more absorbed into the girl. Danny has to really focus and it takes longer#But bit by bit he manages to separate the joker venom and her laughing soon turns to sobbing as her mouth stops smiling.#When he’s done the brother and sister are both crying. The girl is malnourished because it’s hard to eat while laughing but she’ll be ok.#Soon all the alley people start bringing in loved ones. It’s very subtle because there’s NO WAY they are exposing Danny’s abilities.#However people start noticing that joker victims have started to disappear from hospitals.#Danny is covered in scars from vigilantism.#He may or may not have vivisection scars.#Whether it was from phantom and he just escaped before revealing his identity or bad reveal is up to you.
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Animation commission for @bread-loaf-heart, thank you again >-<
#animation tag#When time passes you notice that you could do better#But since there were plenty of details and I concentrated more on keeping them right#It ended up lacking the dynamic in movement and lifeness of it >---<#And it takes definitely more time than just an art commission *sigh* but god it is worth it....
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some business to take care of
#i was tempted to caption this as she was a skater boy and she was also another skater boy but#duck scribbles#midoyuzu#enstars#whats up guys im being embarrassing again on main#been wanting a new phone wallpaper and this was born. its the lesbian version though im not showing that#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#yuzumido#ensemble stars#also have additional doodles that r kind of corny and im too ashamed to add into the main post so i might add on a reblog or maybe not#midterms were so awful i had to keep reminding myself i can go ham drawing whatever i want once im done. and naturally its this#anyways ive always liked midos city rider fit it suits her so well#always wanted to find a good one to pair w it and the wink killer 2nd half xscout was toooo good i was inspired immediately#finally could use this good ref pic ive had saved since forever i need to draw backgrounds more too it was rather fun somehow#mental state has been yoyoing an insane degree lately like come on i dont need to be reminded i am a useless hunk of meat every other day#with nothing good going for them. college is amazing at reminding me of such god bless#i have bad tendencies to self isolate behind the excuse of concentrating that i am trying to fix . but its hard to get back when i do#not to mention the entire Big Event happening over in good ol amerika serikat!!! my apathy is naturally immense#but whats some peace of mind here and there idk. im gonna read yuri
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no one on the english-speaking side of this site gives a fuck about japanese people except as paper dolls in their fantasies. y’all don’t notice or care when we’re targets of violence in america STILL and you don’t notice when our history on this continent is being erased because you can’t fucking recognize it in the first place! even as we relive it.
i’m tired of the gentrification. i’m tired of vandalism, arson, and censorship. i’m tired of arguing about the atrocity of the a-bombs and the incarceration and model minority shit. i’m tired of people using my heritage as an escape, both in imagination and in physical reality. i’m tired of people’s fake familiarity that leads them to correct my grandmother’s accent coming out of my mouth.
if you don’t show up for nikkei where you live, if you don’t even know how, you don’t belong anywhere near japanese culture.
#actually nikkei#shinto witch#oops. just fucking had it today#No camps no cages#no campamentos no juales#kodomo no tame ni#hey this discussion about ending birthright citizenship sounds familiar. wonder when that could have come up before?#how many times can i say ‘forced labor’ instead of ‘slavery?’ as many as it takes until abolition really happens i guess#as long as we can get away with calling the inmate firefighters in socal ‘volunteers’ eh?#as long as we keep calling the indigenous concentration camps ‘reservations’ and ‘detention centers’
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Hey, sorry, I can’t come into work today. One of the most impactful book series of my adolescence just acknowledged the existence of gay people for the first time after ten books. Yeah, in a positive light. No, it still has a heavily Christian audience. Yeah, I’m gonna be out all day.
#i did in fact go to work today but could not concentrate at alllll. was too busy thinking about gay people in keeper#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#unraveled#unraveled spoilers
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Liliana telling Imogen, "You know how much I miss just taking care of those horses? You know how much I dream of just walking the fields and making breakfast at sunrise? All that was taken from me" really brings to mind something that Laudna said to Imogen in episode 49:
"If you wish to have a quiet life in a cozy cottage in a field, raise horses and just be, no gods or fates or destiny can keep you from that."
That's the crux of why Liliana's argument fails to be convincing. Laudna is right--at any moment in this journey, Imogen could have decided she didn't need to do this and found a cottage to settle down in. At any point in 14-16 years of wandering Exandria before finding the Verity, Liliana could have gone home and had all the things she feels were "taken" from her. But she didn't, and that was her decision, not the fault of the gods, or Predathos, or any other force she thinks kept her away. She decided she needed answers more than that cozy life she loved so much. Foisting the responsibility of that decision does not erase that it was hers
#obligatory ''as far as we know''#but yeah getting hit with ''don't you know how much i wanted to come back?'' is insane considering#SHE COULD HAVE#also who DOES she think ''took'' all that from her? it's an interesting phrasing#*stares into pepe silvia board with deep concentration*#liliana temult#critical role#also she really does owe relvin just. so much child support. so much
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I think a big misunderstanding is the power people give Curly to actually change things about the way the pony express operates or could’ve done things on the Tulpar.
We are talking about a company that docks pay for bad synergy despite mandated psych evals that should tell which staff members would work well together, only allots for 5 hours of sleep despite having literally no other tasks to truly do and locks all resources behind the access of one person. The last one is likely to manage resources and make it easier to justify collective punishment and blaming one person for it; someone needs something in “excess” or the captain gives in? It’s all on them your pay is docked. Instant resentment.
It’s insidious how the company works, it’s by design to distract you from coming after them, to force tensions to line their own pockets. With all the restrictions and forced interactions, altercations are bound to happen. 5 hours of sleep a day, limited sources of entertainment, no real tasks… the monotony alone would cause bad cabin fever, mix that with just only one absolute mediator and you get the exact environment that allows shit like in the game to happen.
The idea he could just complain and try to throw his weight around to get them to dig into their pocket for the crews comfort is laughable and misses the predatory and dehumanizing aspect of capitalism the Pony Express represents. Curly was and is still just another asset to them. Being a top show pony doesn’t mean he’s anywhere close to the actual top. He is the top of the working ladder, not whoever’s in corporate, he wouldn’t even be on the bottom step unlike what Jimmy perceives. The resounding recommendations he would get are almost mocking as they throw him out like nothing just like the rest. Being a shitty fucking company, how much do you bet they’d mean anything anyways, especially since he wanted to leave the field all together.
He made a fuss and they didn’t listen, he says he should’ve done more but you can tell he knows it wouldn’t have changed anything. Jobs like this are willing to make a sacrifice if it means even a penny more. Curly makes a bigger fuss they likely would’ve just found an “unrelated” reason to fire him, hired a more pliable guy or, terrifyingly, promoted Jimmy. The company was failing, going to shut down whether anything happened on the ship or not. But knowing that they were shutting down and that everyone, including him, would be out of a job with this being their last paycheck, he had to factor in not destroying the last bit of their financial stabilities combined with every other issue on the vessel and his own. He gets another cryopod or locks and then he has to break to them that they are not only fired but there will be substantial cuts to their paychecks due to the “upgrades” (things that already should’ve been in place on their part) on top of anything else that could be docked along the way.
You can blame him for saying it so early into the trip but then again, if he mentioned it later who’s to say it wouldn’t have been worse? On the capitalism side alone how would people in a galaxy away from home, out of a job and already stir crazy react? Don’t get me started on how Jimmy would have reacted if he realized he only had two days left to fix what would be a very hard to miss “problem” in his head…
I can’t even consider explaining this as devils advocate because it’s just facts of the world we and they live in and factors that heavily affected the situation. People are just so quick to make claims on the ease of the choices when P.E literally makes it hard to choose to do anything but suck it up.
#this is also like a sort of point that while I wanted Curly to do more for Anya I realized he would have to jeaporsiE the crews safety in#some way like if they needed the cryopods one person would be left without one and like it would be curly he’d offer but don’t think any of#them would be happy or feel okay with letting him die over a rapist? he kills Jimmy and now he has to stand trial and be arrested for murder#because it’s not self defense or manslaughter like they could obviously lie but he wouldn’t let them do that in case of a sort of black box#or guilt on their mind specifically with Daisuke who would likely be kept out of the loop not to mention it’s a dead body with a limited#likely recycled air supply so again he’s getting tried for murder and they are down a cryopod#not to mentions again the fact that you need a copilot like I know like aviation law and shit is crazy and like not common knowledge#but you bed a second set of eyes or someone to trade off with so you don’t loose ur concentration or doze and crash#like they don’t just sit their and do nothing like Jimmy probably did some of the time cause Curly likely didn’t want to make him#cause like pissed off and spiteful Jimmy manning the controls even if just helping is not something he wants to deal with and risk their#lives but i digress I genuinely think the biggest flaw of Curly’s in the situation is being a man who could not handle or understand the#emotional gravity of what Anya experienced especially at the hands of someone who he was also#emotonal/mentally mistreated by and wanted to so badly to believe was his friend and improving#like he did not offer her enough or the proper emotional/physical security he could’ve as a captain nor friend but in that it goes right#back to the systems at play that make it so he isn’t meant or supposed to understand so it can’t be perpetuated and blah blah blah how many#times do I have to explain systematic oppression to certain groups in this fandom and it isn’t cut n dry of good guys bad guys and victims#as outliers of the tow categories l#mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#the pony express#The Tulpar
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Hid away, your longing will only grow And you'll only grow older -- The Longing - Tamino
#doodles#The Untamed#Lan Wangji#WangXian#mdzs#I finally watched The Untamed (and got the books)#I could barely concentrate when LWJ was on screen since he's so classically beautiful#What a dream for artists
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sweet dee soothing a very drunk waitress?
girls' night 💅💋💖
#iasip#its always sunny in philadelphia#deetress#dee reynolds#uhhhhhhh#i took some liberties lmao#i really have to do work today but i could not concentrate while there were lesbians to finish drawing#machinegoods#machineasks
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Alex REALLY wanted for Miles to come to him at T in the Park 2011 (x)
#‘YOU SMILED THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH THAT’#IS WHAT THE INTERVIEWER SAYS ABOUT HIM PLAYING 505#AND ALEX keeps on SMILING#he could NOT concentrate on that conversation#he kept looking over and pointing to where miles was#everyone needs to watch this video it rebirthed me#the way miles skips to him on stage and they walk off hugging#the way miles skips everyone and goes to alex and they hig each other and walk away together before everyone else……..#milex#t in the park#see what i mean#also if this looks like shit sorry my screen is completely fucked and i can’t see anything
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hmmmmm thinkin about how brutalization might look
#extra gorey and spooky since halloween is close 👀#i could not decide on a bg colour for the life of me sorry its ugly </3#the main idea is brutalization in my eyes (while still being much stronger) is a lot more contained and concentrated than corruption#hence why i drew the runes more fluid and ink-like while corruption's are more like rough gashes#also while drawing this i realised how similar verlaine and kunikidas designs are whats up with that#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd fanart#bsd verlaine#paul verlaine#bsd stormbringer#stormbringer#my art#digital art#blood cw#gore cw
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Sprut-do you know where goop man is in the current timeline? Have you seen if he still exists? Are you worried he'll find a way to break out and it'll all just repeat again? That's all for now ^-^/
I have a plan to kill it once Poptart is ready... I hope you all trust me when the time comes. The secret? Fire. Fire kills it.
#2al takeover#asks#the plan should destroy the key too...#if all goes well#the only reason I could not kill it in my time was because of how wide spread it was#meanwhile here it will be contained in one area to concentrate the fire
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