#I could genuinely use some advice on this stuff if anyone has it

[monorayjak]

Frozen Trust

I stopped trusting myself so long ago,

I stopped listening to myself,

I stopped believing myself,

I tear myself down every day,

And I build back up each night,

Internally I’m always in a fight,

I’m stupid and a monster,

But I’m human and flawed;

Just like everyone else.

I want to trust me.

I want to trust what I feel,

Just as easily as trusting what I see.

I’m tired of fighting this battle,

I’m tired of doubting every thought.

I want to be free,

To trust what I feel,

To say it’s all real.

Because I can’t live like this forever,

I need to trust what I feel,

I need to believe I am who I think and feel I am.

I don’t want to be an imposter.

I don’t want to feel like a liar when I try to speak.

I’ve took comfort in numbers and logic for as long as I remember.

But they aren’t the best way to be human;

We are not beings of absolute logic;

We are flawed,

We are emotional,

We do stupid things,

So why can’t I trust,

That what I feel doesn’t have to follow the cold numbers.

I’ve frozen myself for so long.

I want to feel the heat and know I’m not wrong,

To accept how I feel.

But where do I start?

How do I trust myself,

When I feel like me and myself have been torn apart?

I see myself frozen,

But I want to be whole.

I need to free me.

To be brought together again,

To be whole.

But I can’t.

Where do I begin?

I can’t do this forever.

Please, someone,

Help me wake up.

[charliemwrites]

Part 5 of Mister(s) Steal Your Girl

Long awaited, but no Johnny smut just yet. Soon, I promise. (And Kyle will be back. It's been so long since he's gotten to smooch our dear reader.)

Also! A little reminder than you can check the queue to see what I plan to post for next. I try to update it often as the worms wiggle. Next I plan to do the final chapter of Greater Bad. (Unless I get my not-so-secret, no-longer-a-surprise oneshot out first)

Lastly! Please note that I wrote the "posts" from his perspective. So inconsistencies with the actual story and any grammar/spelling errors were purposeful or for "authenticity".

Content: Brandon.

r/CakeEater _OnBrand_ I asked my fiancé for an open relationship before marriage. It worked. A while ago I posted on r/adultery about the affairs (yes, multiple) I was having behind my then-gf’s back. We’d already been dating for ~4 years and I was seeing one of my coworkers (my “work wife”) regularly and one of her coworkers on and off. People on my other post were critical and called me all sorts of things like selfish and pig. I know it’s not traditional, but I genuinely don’t think I could ever be satisfied by one woman. My work wife (Rachel) and fiance’s coworker (Lucy) provide things my fiancé just can’t but I still love my fiancé. She’s the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. When I posted on r/adultery I was trying to figure out how to propose without her finding out. I knew she’d expect me to help with stuff and possibly want to look at my phone more often. It would have been harder to sneak off to meet up with Lucy or Rachel with wedding planning and I was sick of being stressed she would find out. Some nicer people on the post suggested I ask for an open relationship. I took their advice and sat her down to sell the idea. It’s a good thing I’m so good at sales (top 3% in my company for 5 years in a row) because she agreed. Yes, actually agreed. At first she got kind of pale and her eyes got really big and blank. I thought for sure she was about to start crying and run off. Maybe even kick me out. She doesn’t really get angry but she gets upset and it freaks me out. After I explained everything about how good it would be for us though, she agreed. This is my official unlimited hallpass. I’ve been seeing Rachel on weekends and Lucy once or twice during the week for drinks. Tonight I’m going to sign up for every dating site I can. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge. If anyone has other suggestions, I’ll check those out too. Fiance has been kind of off but I think it’s just an adjustment period. Sometimes I can tell she’s been crying but she hasn’t come to me about it so she’s probably just being emotional about all the changes. At least she’s got our house to focus on while she gets used to things. I feel a little bad about running out every night but she’s just so mopey and sad all the time and it’s not enjoyable to be around. I know she probably feels like I’m abandoning her a little but once she starts getting back to normal I’ll spend time with her again. You really can have your cake (all the cakes heh) and eat them too. Edit: no, I never told her that I already had Lucy and Rachel and I’m not going to. What good would it do? She’s already agreed to an open relationship and telling her that I didn’t have permission first would just hurt her for no reason.

Kyle’s been gone for two (long, lonely) weeks when he finally gets a chance to call. So far, he’s only been able to send scattered texts at odd hours. Always something sweet – telling you he’s alright, or that he’s thinking of you. Sometimes you even catch him for a brief exchange before he apologizes and “goes dark” again.

Not that you begrudge it. This is part and parcel of dating him and you knew that going in. You’re not complaining when he’s putting his life on the line so that the public can live in blissful peace.

That doesn’t stop you from missing him though. His hugs, his smile. Getting his voice - even roughened by distance - is a nice compromise though.

“How have you been holding up, chickadee?” he asks after the initial reassurance that he’s whole and hale. 

“Easier this time!” you answer proudly. “I know what to expect with you gone and Johnny’s good company.”

“Yeah?” he asks, sounding pleased.

You can just imagine him now, leaning his hip against the nearest surface, arms crossed over his broad chest. He tends to duck his head when he smiles, and you unintentionally grin to yourself, thinking of him hiding into his phone. God, you miss him. 

“Mhmm! We found a board game bar that you’re going to love. Oh, and we’re going to the Hay Festival this weekend.”

He hums. “I’m sorry I can’t be there to take you, luv, but I knew Johnny would be good to you.”

More than good to you, really. There’s not been a day he doesn’t call to check up on you - if he doesn’t see you in person, that is. Dinner, movies, coffee. He’s somehow both a gentleman and an incorrigible flirt, but only with you. He’s nothing more than polite to anyone else, keeping his focus on you and whatever the two of you are doing.

You don’t know what to do with the undivided attention. If you didn’t know better…

“You two are getting close,” Kyle observes.

“I think so,” you admit, then hesitate. “Is… that okay?”

“‘Course, luv. I’m glad.”

You blink. “You are?”

“He’s my best mate and you’re my best girl.”

An odd pang of anxiety pierces your chest. Johnny calls you that too. His “best girl.” You love hearing it - but maybe you shouldn’t?

“It… doesn’t bother you? That we’re spending so much time together.”

He snorts softly, but it’s not derisive. It’s a noise he makes whenever he thinks you’re being silly, but his voice comes out soft and warm. Not an ounce of condescension.

“No, baby, I’m not fussed. You spend your time with whoever you want, however you want. Yeah?”

Your chest floods with warmth. “Okay.”

“There’s a love. I’ve got a brief, so I have to go. I’ll call soon as I can.”

“Be safe, Ky.”

“Do my best. Give Soap a smooch for us, aye?”

You blink as he hangs up. That’s a new one.

You ponder over it while packing on Thursday night. Was it just a joke? A tease at the little crush you’ve developed for Johnny?

Because it is a crush, you know it is. It’s impossible not to be attracted to him. Not with that smile, that laugh, the goofy humor and sweet mannerisms. He still sends you flowers every few weeks - just as the previous ones are about to die. It’s so thoughtful; you’ve started feeling a bit warm every time you look at them.

But you feel greedy, being even remotely interested in anyone else. You have Kyle and Brandon (even if you two are going through a… patch) and that should be enough for you. Shouldn’t it? You’ve never been with more than one person at a time before; it took you weeks to shake the compulsory guilt when you first met Kyle. It feels almost unforgivably audacious to want Johnny too, especially since he’s Kyle’s best mate.

Still… Kyle’s not a jealous or passive-aggressive guy. You’ve been with him long enough now that you know he’d just tell you outright if he was unhappy about something. And he’s been with you long enough that he can surely tell you’re more than a bit fond of Johnny.

Maybe that’s why he made the joke about “smooching” him.

Regardless, you want to talk to him about it. Things always make sense when you think out loud to him. His levelheaded and practical approach to difficult topics always straightens your panic spirals out into neat lines.

Plus, it’s not as comforting to hold your own hand. (God, when is he getting back?)

“Where are you going?”

You blink up at Brandon, folded pajamas in hand.

“The Hay Festival,” you answer.

Speaking of - you slip past him into the bathroom. He doesn’t follow, rooted to the spot spinning his phone around in his hands.

“Alone?”

You snort. “Of course not, I’m going with a friend.”

The allergy pills are at the bottom of the medicine basket beneath the sink. You really need to organize it the next time Johnny’s too busy to hang out. There’s no way you need three bottles of paracetamol. 

“I need that suitcase.”

You toss the bottle in and pivot for the dresser. “What for?”

He shifts, eyes sliding away. “An… overnight.”

Ah. That’s what he’s calling it now?

You snatch a few (too many) pairs of underwear from the dresser.

“Just bring them here,” you say over your shoulder.

There’s a long, tense beat of silence but you’re too busy rummaging for socks to break it first. Will it be too warm for thigh-highs? Eh, you’ll go with the sheer ones; the little lace roses match one of your dresses anyway.

“Bring who here?” Brandon asks slowly.

When you turn, he looks paler than usual. You shrug, trying to project casual comfort.

This is a totally normal and reasonable conversation to have. Just a couple in an open relationship, discussing a stranger coming to the house for a shag. Nothing to make a fuss over.

“Whoever you need the suitcase for? I know you’ve had people over before anyway, and I’ll be gone all weekend.”

He stutters, color returning to his face in bright pink blooms. “Why do you think I’ve had people over before?”

You arch an eyebrow. “I do the laundry, remember? And there was lipstick on one of the wine glasses.”

That had sent you into a tizzy at the time, disgusted that some stranger was in your bed, with your fiancé. You washed the sheets twice on the hottest setting and tossed in a bit of bleach for good measure. Hadn’t been able to look at him the whole week - not that he was there much to not look at.

Now, though, you seem to have adjusted to the idea, even if you’re still not thrilled. Brandon can have his… whoever over, and you’ll goof around with Johnny in Wales.

“Just toss the bedding in the wash afterwards,” you add.

“I thought you do the laundry,” he sniffs.

“I’m not traveling all day just to do chores when I get home,” you answer. He does a double take like you’ve started speaking a new language. “You’ll be here all weekend, I’m sure you’ll have time.”

He opens his mouth, and you can tell already that he’s about to argue - though you don’t really know what about. It’s not like he can’t do laundry or dishes, after all. He lived alone before you moved in together.

Thankfully, his phone distracts him before he can form the words. He spins away to tap at the screen and shuffles out of the room, shoulders till tense. You go back to packing and teasing Johnny about the amount of hair gel he’ll bring.

Friday afternoon can’t come fast enough. Even though you’ve taken a half day from work, the few hours seem to drag. You’re practically daydreaming about the food and drinks, music and activities. There’s a baker’s dozen art stalls you want to check out as well, and a gift to pick out for Kyle…

“Hope yer thinkin’ o’ me when ye make tha’ face.”

Your head snaps around so fast, you nearly give yourself whiplash. Johnny grins down at you in all his casually handsome glory – ripped jeans, green tee, and brown boots. Angels are singing somewhere, you think. Or maybe that’s just your nosy coworkers ogling from their own cubicles.

The reality of him sinks in a moment later and you leap up from your cushy chair – and right into his arms. He’s like a furnace compared to the cool, conditioned air of your office, a welcome source of warmth for your chilly fingers.

“What are you doing here?” you giggle. “Who let a rowdy guy like you in?”

He smells like bergamot and pine. It takes active thought to resist pressing your face into the crook of his neck. It looks cozy there.

As always, he squeezes you a bit tighter just before letting go.

“Hey now, Marcy’s a discerning lady. She knows a fine gentleman when she sees one.”

You snort, belied by the smile curling your lips. “She may need new glass then.”

“Och, don’t go talkin’ poor about my second-best gal now.”

“Is it that easy to get in your good graces?” you scoff, glancing at the time on your computer. It’s later than you expected; no wonder he came up to retrieve you. You spent so long daydreaming that you’ve lost track of time.

“Aw don’ be green, dove, you’re still my number one. Send ye flowers ‘n all.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Yeah, and now I’m wondering just how special that is.”

He stands close, proclaiming his case for how obviously special you are while you shut everything down for the weekend. You’re only half listening to the bit, admittedly. Mostly just basking in your excitement for the mini road trip and the weekend to come. You have no doubt that it’s going to be fun, even if it would be better with Kyle along too.

“Where are you headed off to?” Lucy asks.

“Hay Festival,” you answer shortly.

You’ve never been a big fan of Lucy, but lately she’s been insufferable. Talking over you during meetings, leaving you out of emails, throwing away papers at the printer. (Okay, you haven’t seen her do that last one, but you know.) Worst of all, she can help but make backhanded comments about every flower delivery.

“You’re not taking Brandon?” she simpers. “Something wrong?”

“He’s hanging out with a friend this weekend too,” you correct, “and he doesn’t like hay.”

“Shame that,” Johnny adds, sounding like it’s not a shame at all.

You haven’t told him much about Brandon – but you’re sure that Kyle has. From the face Johnny makes the rare times your fiancé comes up in conversation, he doesn’t think much of Brandon.

“Have fun you two!” your manager, Selene, calls.

You wave and shoot Lucy one last, unimpressed glance before stepping onto the elevator with Johnny.

r/CakeEater _OnBrand_ My fiancé is going on a weekend getaway with another man. I’ve posted in r/adultery and r/cakeeater before. I’m not looking for judgement or insults here. I really just want advice.

A little context: my fiancé and I are in an open relationship and it’s been like this for a few months now. I originally asked her to ope the relationship and for a while she was weird about it but lately she’s been getting sbetter. I thought she was finally getting used to me going out with other women and things were getting back to normal.

A few weeks ago, I noticed she was on her phone more. Like, all the time. Even at dinner when she used to be really picky about phones at the table. One day I came home from work and she was talking on the phone to someone. Giggling and laughing. When I turned the corner she was kind of blushing too. It kind of bothered me but I figured she was talking to a friend and just hot from cooking or something.

Lucy texted me pissed off one day, asking why I was sending my fiancé flowers but not her. I told her I hadn’t sent any flowers. I think they’re way too expensive for how long they realistically last and that they take up a lot of unnecessary space. But I thought it was weird that someone was sending my fiancé flowers and got kind of uncomfortable. That’s a pretty romantic gesture and her family isn’t the type to randomly send flowers either.

I tried taking her out on a date but she was all mopey again and turned her phone to ‘do not disturb’ so I wouldn’t even see if she was texting someone. We don’t have much to talk about now. I love her but she’s not a good storyteller or into very interesting things. All her ‘funny stories’ are just mundane things that happen during the day. We’ve run out of interesting topics about because we’ve been together so long. (That’s why I like having more than one partner.)

Yesterday she randomly started packing for a trip. I don’t even think she was planning to tell me until I asked her. She was packing a bunch of cute clothes too. Like dresses and tights and things like that. Stuff she only used to wear on our dates. I asked who she was going with and she just said ‘a friend’ which is weird because she would usually say the name of someone even if I don’t remember who they are.

Well today Lucy sent me a picture of my fiancé leaving her job with some guy. I couldn’t see his face because he was turned away, but I could see the side of my fiancé’s face and she was smiling at him. I got this awful sinking feeling in my chest like it was hard to breathe. It took me a few minutes to process that she’s going away for a weekend with a complete stranger.

Doesn’t she know how dangerous that is? Where did she even meet this guy? They’ll be gone all weekend so are they sharing a room? A bed? I nearly threw up thinking all these things as I called her.

I asked her to cancel her plans and come home. She seemed confused and reminded me that her plans were with someone else and it would be rude to ditch last minute. I told her I wanted to spend the weekend with her and that I’d been missing her. She seemed surprised and said that she’d see me on Sunday night, but she was looking forward to the festival with her ‘friend’ and wanted to go. As a last ditch effort I asked if her friend was more important than me, nearly begging at that point. She must have heard the desperation in my voice, but she just told me that she was already on the road and it was too late.

My fiancé doesn’t like lying but it’s hard to believe this guy was just a friend. Even if she sees him as a friend I know how men think and I doubt he sees her the same way.

She said some other weird stuff before she left about having someone over while she was gone. I don’t get it. How could she just casually invite someone else into our house like that? Has she had other people over? Is she dating now?

I’m not sure what to do. I don’t like that she put this trip over me. Should I talk to her about how bad this makes me feel? Should I call again and tell her to come home more forcefully? Am I blowing all of this out of proportion?

Edit: she doesn’t know that I’ve been seeing Lucy. I haven’t told my fiancé about any of the women I’ve been seeing. (mostly just Lucy and Rachel. I’ve done a lot of texting through apps and gone on a bunch of first place, but most women don’t put out right away and I usually can’t be bothered to get to know them better). Even then, I wouldn’t tell her about lucy. They don’t get along and never have. It would cause a lot of unnecessary drama.

First | Previous | TBC... Masterlist

[salmon-bagel]

Tf2 mercenaries x Seductress! Class! Reader

Warning: nsfw content, female reader, sexism

Scout

When Scout heard that there's a woman who's a professional at seduction, he had already started plotting.

"Hello, name is Y/n L/n, but you can call me the Seductress. It's nice to meet you."

"Heya, nice to meet cha' mommy- Oh, i mean mommy i mean mommy i mean mommy i mean mommy-"

Constantly hits on you. Scout believes that you're the type of girl that's 'easy', someone who will let anyone bang them regardless of who they are.

That boy isn't going to leave you alone until you let him into your pants.

Even when he's not busy trying to get in between your legs, Scout is asking you for advice on how to woo the ladies. Considering you're a professional at flirting with people.

You go back and forth on giving him good advice and bad advice. Sometimes you feel bad that he can't get a girlfriend. Then again, you think to yourself that no woman should be within three feet of Scout because of how much of a horny asshole he is.

After some time, you did grow to have a soft spot for him. Since he's bullied a lot by the other mercenaries. He can be kinda cute when he's not being a complete jerk.

Soldier

Soldier treats you like the other mercenaries. Ruthlessly bleating in your ear when you're doing something wrong.

"GIVE ME ONE HUNDRED SQUATS NOW! I WANT THAT AMERICAN ASS NICE AND PERKY BY THE TIME YOU'RE DONE!"

He wants the best from you. Regardless of your gender, he'll push you to the limit until he's proud enough to call you a warrior.

Soldier tests that you're a good seductress by making you flirt with him. It's an ego boost on his part, but he's genuinely trying to make sure you're hot enough for the enemy.

"YOU CALL THAT FLIRTING!? I'VE HEARD BETTER FLIRTING FROM A MONKEY! AT LEAST THEY CAN PUCKER THEIR LIPS BETTER UNLIKE YOURS!"

Buys you clothing that he believes would work well when you're seducing the enemies. It's always american themed swimwear or lingerie. You began to believe he's just buying that for himself for you to try.

Whenever the team successfully wins for the day, Soldier immediately rushes towards and smacks your ass as hard as he can.

"NOW THAT IS AN ASS I'M PROUD TO CALL AMERICAN!"

Sniper

Sniper believes your work is very unprofessional. Considering he believes you have to whore yourself out to the enemy team. Instead of using your actual skills.

He says he has nothing against prostitution or sex work in general. Sniper just thinks that stuff you do should be kept behind doors and not on the battlefield. He says it causes too much of a distraction. However, you claim that 'distraction' is the point. Sniper doesn't seem to get it.

You honestly could care less what he thinks. Snipers throws jars of piss for a living, and he really thinks he has the right to judge other people?

The truth is you're good at seducing people. Too good. That it distracts him from doing his own job. Sniper has a tendency to watch you through the scope of his gun.

The way your body gets all hot and sweaty from the terrible heat, oh it does something to him. Sniper has imagined licking your sweat off your tits while you degrade him for being such a filthy fuck.

You are his go-to jerk off material. The women in his porno magazines don't get him off like they used. The only way he can relieve himself now is by imagining your fat ass bouncing on his cock.

When he noticed a pair of your panties in the laundry basket, Sniper couldn't help himself to inhale the sweet scent of your panties before putting them back.

Sniper knows he's a damn hypocrite.

He slut shames you for what you do, only to get off to you afterwards. The post nut clarity consumes him with guilt and shame.

Sniper still hasn't built up the courage to apologize to you.

Heavy

Heavy is one of the very few people who treat you like an actual human being. He was raised by a single mother alongside three sisters. Heavy knows to treat a woman right. Less he wishes to face their fury.

Heavy doesn't understand why you seduce the enemy. You're supposed to shoot at the enemy, not bat your eyelashes and wink! However, after watching your work on the battlefield, he gets to more of an understanding.

"Oh, I see. You lie to enemy and lure them in like fish? HA! Very clever!"

Absolutely loves gunning down the enemy that is distracted by you.

Is one of the few men who genuinely falls for you for your personality. Heavy knows you're drop-dead gorgeous, but he knows that beneath all that beauty is a truly intelligent woman. You earned your place on the team by impressing Mann Co., with your skills instead of batting your eyelashes and begging to be a part of the team. You make his heart swoon like no other woman has.

He likes to write you poetry. It helps convey how he feels for you because he's too bashful to put it into simple words.

Heavy is not afraid of anything. Nothing, not even death itself. However, it took him a lot of courage and constant rehearsal to ask you out on a date.

He hopes to start a genuine relationship with you. Heavy doesn't want a one-night stand or be friends-with-benefits with you. He wants you to be his girlfriend and maybe possibly his wife later down the line.

Engineer

"Well, I'll be! Aren't you the prettiest thing I've ever seen."

Engineer is taken aback by your good looks and sauve personality. He genuinely questions why you wanted to be a mercenary. A beautiful lady like yourself is too of high risk to get hurt!

Will always be there to help you if it gets too much for you to handle.

However, he can be very overprotective over you on the battlefield. Engineer thinks it would be safer for you to stay on the rancho relaxo than getting shot at by the enemy. As much as you'd like to not do anything on the job, Mann Co. isn't paying you to be lazy. They see everything and will tell you to get off your ass and start fighting.

You have to beg Engineer that you can do it on your own. He understands your point of view and begrudgingly lets you fight with the others. Even if it means going against his code of defending and protecting a lady when she needs it.

While putting up dispensers and sentries, he can't help to admire you from afar. Engie believes that a guy like him has no chance with a girl like you. What woman would be interested in a bald man who has a robotic hand and locks himself away in his work? No gal that's who.

Engie fantasizes about working up the courage to flirt with you and ask you out, which would eventually lead to a rather sensual night spent together. He did try to ask you out once but miserably failed. Engie kept stuttering and mispronouncing words out of nervousness while attempting to seduce you. You couldn't make out what he was trying to say. Thankfully, Demo had the heart to pull Engie out of that mess of a conversation and save him from further embarrassing himself.

So now, he just admires you from afar. Dreaming that one day he'll get to win your heart.

Spy

Surprisingly, he wants to get to know you as soon as possible. It's not every day you get to meet a lovely lady.

When he learns of your class type, oh boy, this man will make you question if you're even meant to be the Seductress.

"Mademoiselle, you are the most beautiful creature I've ever laid my eyes on."

"Do you know why they call Paris the city of love? Why don't I take you there and show you?"

"If the verb ‘to love’ didn’t exist, I would have invented it upon seeing you."

Spy leaves your entire face red and completely frozen after he's done talking to you. He's so flattering and charismatic. In comparison to the other men, he makes it seem like they're not trying at all. It isn't their fault, though, Spy is a natural at wooing the ladies.

You're surprised when Spy gifts you things that you really like. You never shared these intimate details with him before or with the other mercenaries. When you asked him how he knew what you specifically liked, Spy merely winks at you and grins. He has a way of receiving information without anyone knowing.

He has a tendency to kiss the back of your hand whenever you two are greeting each other. Spy is a gentleman and can't help himself to be sweet to a beautiful woman.

When Spy asks you out on a date, you agree to it because you have been meaning to go out. You felt like you'd go insane if you stayed in the base any longer. You put on your best dress and left with Spy into town.

After having a nice meal and a few glasses of wine, both of you give into temptation. Spy could hardly keep his hands off you when he drove you both back to the base. All your clothes came off the moment you reached his bedroom. You found it a little strange he refused to take off his mask. Oh, what the hell. He's hot and treated you to a nice date.

In the morning, you receive uncomfortable stares from the other mercenaries. Let's just say you and Spy weren't exactly quiet during your lovemaking. Unfortunately for the others, you decided Spy would become your fuck buddy.

Medic

He's been meaning to include a female subject in his experiments- I mean, he's glad to meet you!

You try your best to steer clear of him. However, on the front lines, it isn't so easy. When you're constantly getting shot at and stabbed by enemies, you'll need the Medic's help to get better.

When he sees you in action, Medic feels a new emotion that he's never felt before. Is this.. love? Maybe it is. Or maybe it's just lust.

Medic has never been infatuated with any woman. Except you. The way you lure in these pathetic men with your good looks and false promises, only to kill them afterwards- oh God, it makes him giddy. He feels like a schoolboy all over again!

Medic does routine check-ups on you. To make sure all your lady parts are in working order. In reality, this perverted fuck wants to have an excuse to grope you. Always gaslights you into believing he's not being a degenerate.

"Is this really necessary?"

"Why, of course! Breast cancer isn't something to take lightly!" He'd respond. You would understand, but after thirty minutes of him fondling your breasts, you knew what his true intentions were.

Medic writes you love letters and his dove, Archimedes, deliver them to you.

The letters start off relatively sweet. Medic writes that he views you as a Goddess, a truly ethereal being that is too perfect for this world filled with lesser mortals. And how he's the only man truly worthy for you.

Then, the letters take a complete turn the more you read it. He writes how he wishes to fulfill every filthy fantasy he's ever had with you. Oh boy, the list is long. For one, Medic wants to tie you down, gag you, and breed you like the filthy whore you are. Another consited of how he wants to fuck you on the battlefield while you're bleeding out and fingering your open wound as if it was your pussy.

You've stopped reading his letters and tend to light them on fire.

Demoman

"So, how much do you regularly charge for a quick shag?" He'd ask you before laughing his ass off.

Demo will never take you or your work seriously. Even if you politely ask him to.

He doesn't see what's so hard about showing off your tits and saying how much you love to suck cock. Demo believes you should've been a stripper if you wanted to tease men so desperately.

You frequently explain to him in detail how you help and provide for the team. You honestly can't tell if Demo deliberately forgets or because he gets drunk so often, he hardly pays attention to you while you talk.

Don't worry, though. After you've instilled the fear of women into him, he'll be gladly reminded that he shouldn't judge or ridicule a woman. If his mother were here, she'd knock some sense into him.

Demo apologizes to you, drinks, gets drunk, and apologies some more

"I'm sorry, lassie! It's just that I just get so lonely sometimes! What woman would give me, a one-eyed freak, a chance!"

He bawls on the floor, crying in front of you. You attempt to cheer him up by comforting him. Instead, you end up getting drunk with him.

Did you shag him in the heat of the moment? That's all up to you ;)

Pyro

Has no idea what you're doing to the enemy. Anything sexual you do is translated as innocent in their vision. Will never know what real seduction or sex.

Luckily, they think everything you do is nice and polite!

Regularly gives you grotesque gifts, which are usually human hearts and bones. You begrudgingly take the gifts because you know they mean well and don't wish to be disrespectful.

Pyro has a tendency to go through your closet when you leave your room. Or while you're sleeping. Either why, they steal your clothing and belongings. They pick out outfits and wigs they like along with makeup supplies. You wonder where you placed your dress and immediately begin searching for it. Maybe you left it in the laundry room. As soon as you exit your room, you see Pyro wearing your clothing over their suit. Fake eyelashes have been glued onto their eyes, and lipstick smeared all over the breathing hole.

You can't even be upset with Pyro. They're doing their best.

You let Pyro keep the dress they're wearing, considering it most likely wouldn't fit you anymore.

[goingmerryfics]

Hello!! I recently found your blog and I love it!! ❤️

I was wondering if I could request something!

Kid, Mihawk and Law with a partner who’s into gothic clothing. uwu

Gothic style S/O w/ Kid, Mihawk & Law

Content: Gender Neutral reader, SFW!

Notes* Glad to have you! Thanks for the request :) Out of anyone, I think these three would be the most accepting/understanding of someone with this style and even indulge in it a bit themselves so I tried to make this a little more personal to each character. That being said, I feel like they turned out a little shorter than normal, but I hope you still enjoy it!

Kid

He wouldn’t even bat an eye if this was a regular thing to be dressed in gothic style. It’s pretty common around the crew, and even if it wasn’t, Kid appreciates the aesthetic of the style

He also just doesn’t give a shit what you wear as long as you can do your job

Looking good while doing it is also a plus

For that reason, he would help you out with your makeup for sure. Not that he has much experience with it in the first place, but he just likes any excuse to look at your lips

On the other hand, if your weren’t introduced to him in black and chains, he wouldn’t recognize you if you just up and changed your wardrobe

You walk out of your room in your new style, the one you’ve been wanting to try for years and never had the bravery to out of fear of judgement

But after joining the Kid Pirates, it didn’t feel so scary to go outside of the world’s expectations

“Who the fuck are you!? How’d you get on my ship!?”

After managing to convince him not to just throw you overboard, he does the unthinkable

“Oh. You look good. Better than that boring shit you used to wear.”

He compliments you

Kid will pick at your outfits and give unsolicited advice on how to coordinate or style your clothing

He isn’t one for making jewelry, but he might try if you can’t find anything that would match your clothes

Mihawk

No comment from him. You’d have to outright ask him what he thought, and even then it would be a short answer

“Yes, it’s a good look on you.”

He isn’t actually looking at you when he answers, but it’s genuine

You’d find him staring at you quite often, though

He enjoys the style on you, especially since his style is very close/similar to gothic

He respects your backbone for sticking to what makes you happy, and he’ll encourage you to stick up for yourself if anyone has anything to say about your look

Honestly, he’s seen people look and dress a lot worse, so he doesn’t see why anyone should be making unnecessary comments

Despite being a man of few words, he would still compliment your outfits every time

He, having a eye for the fashion, would also help you coordinate and mix up your clothing items and accessories to freshen up the looks

“That won’t do. We need to get you some earrings that will match this.”

It’s such a sweet way to spend the time that you two have together

Law

Law gets whiplash at first

His emo phase is coming back to him all at once and he’s cringing internally

But despite his own emotional setbacks, he is happy if you feel comfortable dressing this way

He’s very level-headed, so there’s not going to be a very big reaction out of him right away

His perception of you hasn’t changed, and it won’t anytime soon

“Express yourself however you like, just make sure you don’t alter the uniform too much.”

He’ll warn you that the crew might ask some dumbass questions or make rude comments

He also will ask you some questions, very carefully, not wanting to sound ignorant

He would come to your aid if you needed support, especially within his own crew

If you’re the type to wear a lot of make-up, he’ll be on your ass about cleaning your face every night 

He’d even help you do a skin care routine to make sure you were taking care of yourself!

If you bother him enough, he’ll start to do it with you, too

Gets you stuff that remind him of you, things he believes may align with your style

All in all, he’s pretty indifferent to the style, and may even be open to dipping back into it a little bit

He looks great in eyeliner, but damn it he keeps smudging it

[spicyicetea]

Side note from the current Yandere JJBAx reader I’m working on but still JJBA related. I’m currently watching part 4 and I just love everyone.

So here are my opinions on them and some relationship headcannons

Not all characters have relationship stuff-

Jotaro

I love how Jotaro is still himself but just… feels slightly baby girled. I also love how the first thing we properly see of him in part 4 is him 1- pitying a turtle 2-sucker punching Josuke moments later. With that being said, he’d totally be smitten for you. I may joke on how others are simps, this is my number one simp choice.

You probably didn’t obsess over him like the girls when he was younger but actually talk to him like a person, not just a set of hot muscles. He does like it when you talk about his hot muscles though ok… play your cards right and he might let you touch, but don’t tease him or he’ll back away. But, once you’re official, I feel like he’d quite like witty banter and teasing from his partner, as long as it’s clear you’re joking. No joke, probably fell for you after you mentioned a random fish/ocean creature fact.

“Huh? Oh you’re reading about starfish? I like starfish, even though they’re not actually a fish.”

“Marry me-“ “huh, what did you-“ “good grief, I said nothing…” 10/10 on my way to marry him as we speak.

Josuke

Josuke, I wasn’t sure if I’d like him at first but he is my baby no.2. He’s such a sweetheart, so dependable. Just his reaction any time his friends are in danger is just perfect. Plus I love his mom. The way he’d defend your honour like he defends his hair. Anyone say anything out of pocket about you and they’re dealing with your very powerful boy. Totally brags to you about how he’s Jotaro’s uncle and that Jotaro asks for his help on missions soooo often. But then later asks Jotaro for date ideas and advice because he’s older. My man is a romantic at heart you can’t lie to me. 10/10 would make dinner for him and baby him.

Koichi

Although Koichi isn’t my type personally, he’s such a cutie patootie. He’s so sweet and genuine that I imagine he’d just be a darling to eat lunch with and talk about your favourite shows or manga. 10/10, would walk with you too and from school.

Okuyasu

Okuyasu… he is my baby. He’s stupid, strong and has a heart of gold despite looking like a delinquent… you guys can’t lie to me that is definition of a Himbo. You can’t tell me he wouldn’t drag you out on every little adventure he could with him and the others. He’d have you wearing his jacket when it’s cold and if you already have one he’d insist his is warmer and then wear yours so you can have his. Dinner dates at Tonio’s. Yeah 10/10 he might be a menace sometimes but he’d fight for you. Use your scary dog privilege wisely.

Speaking of Tonio… only slutty men know how to cook. (/J) 10/10 I love him, underrated husband.

Rohan is a self centred jerk… I’m going to aggressively make out with him and you can’t stop me. 10/10 (sorry I’ve only seen like 2 episodes with him so I don’t have much commentary)

I’ve only just gotten to the episode where we see him pulling up to his house after nearly hitting Koichi so I can’t really report on Kira yet… but a man who carries an arm around… yeah smash- 10/10 psychotic asshole.

[ohthewh0rror]

TOM RIDDLE : DATING HEADCANONS

A/N: Pls keep in mind this man is not mentally sound, so he is going to be toxic in some way. But, if you’re like me, you love a walking red flag, so let’s go. 😗

King of gaslighting, especially when it comes to shifting blame and countering/denial.

Doesn’t like owning up to anything he may have done to hurt your feelings. I don’t think you’ll ever get a genuine apology out of this man unless he’s done/said something that could end the relationship.

Not interested in you at first. Your looks meant nothing to him, he only became attracted to you after getting to know you.

Not experienced. At all. Despite being very handsome and charismatic, he has no interest in simple hookups. You’d be his first and last lover.

Very possessive. Not the typical jealous type either, he won’t physically fight anyone over you, but will try to isolate you from anyone who could take your attention away from him.

For lifers. You two ain’t breaking up. Go ahead and get that thought out your mind. Better yet, he’ll remove it for you.

Wont spend every waking moment with you, as he has other (not very good things) to do. But, he will make time for you.

Controversial: does not include you in what he’s doing. You’ll know he’s up to something, but until it’s at the point where he can’t hide it anymore, he’s not involving you. He sees it as his way of protecting you.

Not into PDA, and isn’t overly affectionate, but he’s not completely closed off either.

His affection is a little more subtle. Holding hands under the table, a hand on your lower back, brushing your hair off your shoulder, a quick peck on the corner of your lips, etc.

Not a hugger, his hugs are awkward, he won’t stop you if you come in for one though.

Does use pet names/nicknames for you, and they’re not always degrading.

In the bedroom he might call you out your name, but outside the bedroom he either calls you ‘sweatheart’, ‘darling’, or just a shortened version of your name. (He’s called Bellatrix, Bella, so I will hear no criticism on this one.)

Doesn’t have a high sex drive, can go a week or two without it. Knows you have needs though, and won’t protest if you buy stuff to get yourself off in the meantime.

Likes to be called ‘sir’ or ‘master’ in the bedroom.

Hair puller, ass slapper, calls you ‘slut’ kind of kinky. So not into anything crazy, but not completely vanilla either.

Not the king of aftercare by any means, but won’t leave you to completely fend for yourself either. Typically only brings you what you need to cleanup.

Doesn’t exactly cuddle? this is honestly the closest you’re getting to cuddling with him.

Doesn’t like talking about his feelings, and will never completely open up to you. Will listen to your problems though! Even if he doesn’t particularly care.

Do not complain to him unless you want him to just give you “solutions”. If you expect him to just listen to you complain and not give any advice, please save your breath. Doesn’t understand that some people just need to talk about their day to feel better and don’t want unsolicited advice about what to fix.

Father/Marriage Bonus:

Will marry you. Like an actual wedding band/ring, you in a pretty white dress/outfit, and a first dance type of wedding. Granted no one else will be there, just the two of you. But it’s special, a very intimate day.

Does he want kids? No. If you do get pregnant on accident will he be happy? Hell no. But, it’s not the end of the marriage. If you want to keep the baby he won’t protest, but is straightforward in telling you that he is taking a backseat in raising the child if you choose to keep it.

He’s a boy dad. Stays true to his word and you do pretty much all the child raising, only holds/takes care of the child if you ask him to.

Is low-key happy once the child goes away to Hogwarts. Would never tell you that though.

[blommp717]

I try to follow what you are saying, but I find your content confusing, and based on some of your repeat asks, I’m not the only one. The way you explain ND could use improvement, in my opinion. Maybe it’s because English isn’t your first language or because your understanding of ND is more theoretical than experiential—it seems like both. This is fine, but have you considered improving your English (or teaching in your mother tongue and paying a professional translation service?) and actually living in the ND state of being (not just reading or watching videos about it) before attempting to teach in a language you seem to struggle with? You could be more successful and less misleading.

There’s a lot of misunderstanding and inaccuracies in your writings, and your pinned post gives the impression that you aren’t the type of person to humbly take advice and cultivate self-awareness. Which in and of itself doesn't really reflect what one would expect from a guru or someone who has reached a profoundly deep nondualistic understanding and wishes to guide others. You seem bothered by critique or questions that you haven't already read the answer to. Maybe you could sincerely cultivate Self-awareness of how you are appearing to people who have genuinely experienced the ND state of being, not just an intellectual understanding, and those who have not. Maybe I’m wrong (I very well could be), but it seems like you read about it but haven’t actually had experiences beyond reading and thinking about it. It feels shallow and without real rooting in experience, not just theoretical knowledge. This is just a humble observation from another seeker on the path, so take it with many grains of salt. May you find equanimity and authentic awakening and be of genuine assistance to others. Peace.

I most definitely think you’re coming from a space of aggression instead of actually trying to inquire firstly, moving forward. I don’t really get how people asking questions is an indicator of me not knowing what I’m really talking about as opposed to people learning to accept how easy it is. Allot of these people come from LOA so they think there’s a process, they think there’s work to do, so having such a drastic shift will obviously not feel easy at first 🤭and secondly I’m baffled about the language comment, I have zero clue what makes you think that kind of stuff is okay to say to anyone, regardless of if it’s true or not, please seek some humanity and get it together. You don’t want to be saying all of that b.s to the wrong person. I reallllyy hope you don’t act like this in person with anyone.

Alright so, to what the actual focus of your text should have been.

If you notice, my pinned post was allot more recent than when I started posting, it was more of a response to someone claiming I’m giving false hope and that explaining the idea of “manifestation” alongside non-duality is wrong. Which I’m literally not, im not sure if your truly following up on what I’ve posted because I make it very very clear since the beginning and almost in every post with a long ask that I. Am. Not. Teaching. You. How. To. Manifest. There’s absolutely no such thing, it might look like it and feel like it but it’s not. I even have a post where the entire thing is me talking about why there’s no such thing as manifestation. And I have zero clue where you got any of that information about who I am as a person from that post alone when all I’m stating is how I’m not going to stop helping people? 😭😭

I think another confusion people who “enter” NonDualism have is they think awakening is real. You told me to reach a state of ND being or the State of ND which I’m not really sure what you mean by that because it doesn’t exist. It’s sadly time to burst the bubble. There is no awakening, if you truly understand nonduality, there is no journey, there’s no goal, there nothing that you can do to achieve enlightenment because it doesn’t exist, these are concepts and ideas self realized to give the “self” and “I” a reason to exist. I perfectly well understand what nonduality at its core is and have hundreds of what I’m sure people would call “succes stories” with it. My old posts have plenty of explaining as to what, just, no duality states regardless of getting what you want. How can there be a journey? There is no self thst has a journey, just ideas and thoughts spinning together in a flurry and naming it “self”. You don’t exist.

And for you, you want to understand no duality? I’m going to try not to be cryptic but here we go. You can’t and neither can I , no one can understand and seek, you’re not a seeker and there is no path, this is the truth. And no one can have a journey because there is no identity in any of this, there is no self as a person, there is no “me” on a “path”, there is no “one” here who understands anything. It’s all self actualizing thoughts making it seem like there is a journey, the “I” or what people call ego, needs purpose to exist. It feels like a threat when everything is dissolved. The idea that there is more to do, will be true for as long as you pretend it is. And without the false idea of a journey this “self”or “me” loses its purpose. It can be “hard” to accept but truly it doesn’t matter because the nature of existence will not change. Think about it why does the idea of something higher, a bigger step, some grand moment seem so enticing? And for who does it seem so enticing for? The false identity, the “me” the “self”. It’s just another story. You might sit and be, it may lead you deeper into sensations in the body and most likely a “profound” sense of understanding, but quite honestly if your looking for a tiny spark of magic to keep you going on and thinking there’s even more and even more to experience, it would be absolutely useless.

You are already all, whats there to find

Understanding nonduslity is realizing, how can any of this be more grand if there is only one, how can more be achieve if there is a constant state of nonduality? How can the illusion reach a higher state… the higher state is also just illusory, the self, body and world is just illusory. You as everything are pretending to be a person pretending a self and pretending that this person is also self and needs to understand and reach more profound states of being.

This is how “manifestation” is possible. There is no one and nothing “happening” all there appears to be is what you appear as, it’s hollow, almost like a projection. This can’t be turned off, you appear as all there is and as long as the body is here thoughts will appear, ideas will appear, visualizations will appear, you take it as just thinking or talking to yourself or daydreaming or predicting what might happen next, but that’s all what “manifesting” is. In every timeless moment (instant is not fast enough so I say timeless) stories are realized, you take it effortlessly as how your life is. Simple things like how you expect your parents to respond to you not picking up their phone, or what kind of day at your gonna have at school to literally everything, it’s constant, it’s everything, it’s always “on”. Your luck, the compliments you receive, how things work or don’t work out for you, all of it. This is not just life as it is but the entire “manifestation” it’s an experience of what “it” (you) appears as. And if all is what you are and the appearance relies on the perception of the appearance, then perceiving any type of story like, having brown eyes but you want blue. Okay, “I have blue eyes” this is not an affirmation, this is a truth, this is what “ “ (you) now appear as, timelessly, and needing proof or evidence is useless as it puts the attention back at “has it changed it”. If you understand its all you, you also know needing evidence or proof is truly completely useless. “But I checked the mirror and my eyes are still brown” with what understanding did you move to the mirror with. An expectancy of brown eyes? Hmm.

Well I think this is getting long winded, I’m not gonna make this even longer than it is, hopefully you find some clarity in this and I strongly urge you, before making random comments or being just rude, ask yourself with what state of mind am I moving forward. Do I really need to say it this way? Because truly, I’ll remain here doing what I do, I’m incredibly grateful that I can be able to help so many people so it brings me a sense of joy (though unreal 🤭). But I hope you understand there is a proper way to question and criticize, and well, your claims feel like they were based off reading 2 posts and calling it a day 😭😭. Anyways I actually will thank you regardless, I’m sure many people can learn from what you’ve initiated me to explain, have a great life, I hope to see you come again in future posts 🫶🫀🪷🪷☀️

[666writingcafe]

A String of Texts

Part One

Diavolo: Construction has commenced for the school.

MC: *thumbs up emoji*

Diavolo: I've also opened up an application process to fill teaching positions.

Diavolo: Solomon was right. I'm not the only one who wants a better future for the Devildom.

Diavolo: In fact, this is the current state of my office.

Diavolo: *picture of desk and floor being covered with giant stacks of paperwork*

MC: *shocked crow sticker*

MC: That's a LOT of applications.

Diavolo: I know. I was wondering if you were able to help me go through them.

MC: Certainly. What sort of things are you looking for?

Diavolo: Well, I know that some of these aren't genuine. Either they want to use this as an opportunity to exploit me, or they want to continue bullying the brothers and figure that they could get away with it if they had some amount of authority over them. I can't allow that to happen.

MC: So, weed out the phonies. Got it. Anything else?

Diavolo: Figure out who's the most qualified for different positions.

MC: Is there going to be job interviews as well?

Diavolo: Of course, but I don't want to waste my time by interviewing just anyone that's applied. I have other duties to do, after all.

MC: Understandable.

MC: Solomon and I will swing by in a little bit to grab some of those stacks.

~~~

Part Two

Lucifer: I need you to come over and spend the night at the House. I have plans with the prince, and I have no idea how long they'll last.

MC: Will do. Do I need to bring/cook dinner for your brothers?

Lucifer: I would say that's not necessary, but the last few meals have been disasters, so do with that information what you will.

MC: *thumbs up emoji*

MC: I'll grab ingredients to make stew.

Lucifer: Stew?

MC: It's generally rather filling.

Lucifer: Even for an Avatar of Gluttony?

MC: Oh, he'll get his own pot.

Lucifer: Wow...you've certainly thought about this, haven't you?

MC: Just making sure I have all my bases covered.

MC: Moving on from food...

Lucifer: Yes?

MC: Diavolo has given me some paperwork to sift through, and I was wondering if I could bring it along with me.

Lucifer: Absolutely. It's important to complete assignments for the prince. I'll make sure you have a place to work.

MC: *thumbs up emoji*

~~~

Part Three

MC: Don't forget to use protection.

Diavolo: *picture of a box of condoms*

MC: DUDE

MC: I MEANT THAT AS A JOKE

MC: I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU ACTUALLY INTEND ON PULLING THE MOVES ON LUCIFER THIS EVENING

Diavolo: *laughing crow sticker*

MC: Allow me to give you a piece of advice, then: DON'T abuse the power you have over him to make him do stuff he normally wouldn't consent to.

Diavolo: I didn't realize that future me was that much of an ass.

MC: In my timeline, that sort of thing happened long before I came in the picture. Just...don't succumb to the temptation, okay?

Diavolo: I'll try my best not to.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr

[catboybiologist]

March 2024 documentation and transition journal

Just got my levels results back, meaning that the doc is fully updated for March:

This is possibly one of the most exciting and interesting months of HRT since starting, because I've experimented around a lot with injection doses, so let's talk about that! I'm also slapping a couple of old pics in here for reference, so I'll slap some selfie tags on this.

So, lots of interesting HRT stuff. At my last levels check, I was on 4mg injectable EV a week. And… my E actually went down, even though that’s an effectively higher dose than my previous regimen (6mg sublingual/day). Because of this, I talked with my provider, and essentially she told me to fuck around. I probably was way looser with it than she wanted me to be, but she told me to go to 8mg/week maximum, and try and settle on 6mg/week minimum. So….. here’s what I did.

1 week of 8mg.

2 weeks at 7mg.

2 weeks 6mg, during which my levels were checked at mid.

I… can’t really advocate for this. Basically, my logic was that I wanted to see what it felt like to max things out, but have my actual levels check reflect what I’m like at 6mg to know if increasing or maximizing the dose beyond that is necessary at all. Ultimately, I’ve concluded that 8mg feels too high- I start getting a bit of headache and nausea at peak. 7mg feels very comfortable. 6mg, I felt fucking miserable at trough. When I was on 4mg/week, I used a couple of sublingual pills to try and get through that, but I tried to see if I could stop doing that. It went okay for the higher doses, but on 6mg… ugh. Felt like complete shit. I’ll def be using a couple this week to get through that, probably just 4-6mg sublingual on wed/thurs to make sure I’m feeling okay.

Oh. Also. I ditched Spironolactone, against the advice of my provider. 

I was getting really, REALLY irritated by the diuretic effects, so I quit it when I tried to 8mg dose just to see what would happen. I figured that 8mg would be more than enough to suppress T on its own (likely true), and so I thought it would be the best time to try that. And… when I stopped spiro, a depressive haze that had been in my head lifted very quickly. I thought it was just depression based on a rough past couple of months, and that’s probably true, but it also felt physical. The diuretic effects have also stopped, and I genuinely can’t imagine going back on spiro.

I’ve heard a lot of theoretical stuff about spiro potentially being able to inhibit growth and development. It's possibly a growth hormone inhibitor, but should be a more potent antiandrogen than anyone else. It’s…. Really hard to say whether spiro actually inhibits growth. As with a lot of transfemme physical developments, there’s never been a comprehensive, conclusive study on it, which is why its relegated to miscellaneous anecdotes that everyone will swear one way or the other on. I’ll have some opinions on this later.

So what improvement to my levels did I get out of all of this?

Well…. Good, but nothing radical. My midcycle estrogen is 159 pg/mL, which is about my target for trough. It’s a good step up from the 4mg dose, but I’m probably going to increase to 7mg/week- that felt fine to me, and I’m pretty confident that that’ll be the dose that nails it. I’m pretty deadset on going forward with that, I would just need a levels check to verify we’re all good there. (Side note, I’m a bit frustrated that my body literally seems allergic to just… stuff. Idk if I have an overactive liver or what, but my T crashed super easily, adderall consistently lasts shorter than it should, and my E is really struggling to go up.)

And did this result in any physical improvement? 

I actually think that this last month has been the single fastest month of physical development I’ve ever had. Here’s some things I’ve noticed:

My breasts have become much larger and more developed in relation to my chest, with a much better shape. Comparison pictures to even just the end of January show a wild difference (sorry, not posting that publicly). To be fair, though, I’m still pretty clearly in tanner 2, and I maybe want to wait for just a bit more development before I start progesterone. 

Waist measurement is still going down, and hip measurement is still holding steady. This means that, in effect, my hips are getting wider.

And this is one of the most exciting ones- my upper body seems like its getting smaller. I’m floored by this. My underbust is less, my chest looks noticeably less barrel-y, and my ribcage kind of “flows” into my waist better. I wrote a bit about this on reddit just now, but I think I know what’s happening here. Not only is fat burning from the sides of my chest as it builds on the front of my chest, I actually think my costal cartilage might be getting “tighter”, effectively pulling my ribs a bit closer in to my sternum

I have…. No way to confirm the hunches of that last one, other than the images I can show. So for educational purposes (and y’know. Making the funny women in my phone type funny syllables) Here’s a quick timeline where I think you can see the “barrellness” of my chest decreasing:

From left to right, we have September (0-1mo), December (3-4mo), March (6-7mo)

Don't worry, my shoulders are just as wide and athletic dyke-y.

Am I delusional? Is this anything? Maybe. Pictures are hard to make consistent with changes this small. But I do feel like its noticeable, and it seems like women’s cut shirts and tanks have fit me in a way that’s a lot more consistent with a cis woman’s body. Again, there’s also nsfw images, and I think they show a lot of progress, and I think I can pretty definitively say that this has been the single month with the most physical changes since, well, my first month back in September. 

Why did this happen? Well, I’m working with a sample size of one here, and multiple variables have changed at the same time. There’s really three things that could be happening: increased injection dosage, ditching spiro, or the general come and go of physical changes. It’s impossible to completely know what’s going on because of this, unfortunately- I’d need way more data. That said…. This is the first new “wave” of development I’ve had since I started, and my actual blood levels didn’t increase that much. I really, really don’t want to conclude anything, but I’m kinda thinking that spiro had something to do with it. It has broad effects on physiology which aren’t entirely characterized, that could easily theoretically be inhibiting generic growth and development. That said, I think starting with a strong antiandrogen is basically necessary for HRT. It’s extremely difficult to get E levels up without robustly inhibiting T first. Obviously don’t take this as medical advice, or even a scientific opinion. This is nothing more than a hunch.

Idk. I’m happy. I feel like I finally am starting to break through the progress stall I’ve been growing increasingly frustrated with. And I think getting the proper injection dose actually worked to break through it. I’m feeling a lot better with my transition in general too. I won’t elaborate much here, but I’ve been coming out to a lot more people, and its been tentatively going about as well as I could ask. We’ll see what the future holds, but I’m excited about it.

[ceph-the-ghost-writer]

Get To Know Your Moots Writeblr Interview

Tagged by @ink-flavored (here) to do this event created by @davycoquette (question template here)! Thanks to both of you.

To anyone seeing this, consider yourself tagged in addition to @sunset-a-story @touloserlautrec @sarahlizziewrites @k--havok @thatndginger @oliolioxenfreewrites @the-scaredy-crow @words-after-midnight @space-writes @vacantgodling @jezifster @ghostpoetics @lacependragon @xenascribbles @afoolandathief @drawnecromancy @the-ace-of-wrath

[ID: A thin border divider showing a sliver of a golden sky streaked by rain clouds above a dark blue sea.]

ON THE TUMBLR WRITING COMMUNITY

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr?

Since, like, 2020? Somewhere thereabouts.

What led you to create it?

Wanting to connect with writers/readers outside of Ao3 (it's just not set up for conversations outside of comment threads). And wanting to raise my characters up like baby Simba at the start of The Lion King for more of the Internet to behold.

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

It's about the connection. 🤌 Plenty of writing communities, both on and offline, focus on critique or getting something published. Which can be great, if it's what you're after. But I think having others who genuinely cheer you on and let you ramble is just as important to helping writers through the often messy process of creating.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

I can be a bit shy or slow to interact, but once I'm invited in I'll haunt follow your blog or writing even if I'm not constantly saying anything.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

People talking about what they love, in published work and with writeblr stuff. A lot of the time I read or watch something because of the way others talk about it. That includes your own writing!

What tips/advice do you have for someone who made a Writeblr today?

Be patient, manage your expectations, and focus on having some fun. There's no algorithm here and even less clout. Writers can and do build audiences on Tumblr, but it's uniquely suited to allow us to experiment and be weird too.

WIP IT GOOD

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

I'm rewriting Apophenia, a novel about a supernatural researcher enduring the worst assignment of his life. A lot of my other projects are set in the same world.

How long have you been working on them?

Over five years now, I think! I'm slow.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

The Chocolate Box event on Ao3! The prompt was for a human captured by a vampire, but I wound up creating an entire world and series. Oops.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

If I'm not thinking about these characters it's only because I'm dead.

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

Gay vampire trash.

What do you want to say (if it’s different from what you do say)?

I write about characters who struggle towards community, compassion, and being better people despite a) their flaws, and b) the world burning down around them. I hope that it gives me the courage to continue doing the same.

LET’S ROTATE BLORBOS

Name any characters you created.

I'll direct you to some mood boards/intros even: Isaac Soto Márquez, Renato Faria Dimas, Dorian St-Ange, Kinslayer, Elfy Bosques-Rodriguez, Ankaris the Memory Salesman, Fior the Master Transcriber, Vess the Collector. And here's a comic sans presentation for Apophenia.

Who’s the most unhinged?

Outwardly? Any of my necromancers. They come in a wide variety of styles, from Motley sewing patches of skin onto itself, to Acacius of Antioch who drapes his bejeweled and gilded bones in black veils. Each also has an, um, unique view of (un)life, the body, and ethics. Views which could come across as unhinged.

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

At this point Isaac Soto, the protagonist of Apophenia. We do share a few similarities, but mostly I've just been writing him for years now.

Do you ever cringe at them?

At my characters or their antics? I wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?

They do frequently just spring ideas and actions on me, but I have the ultimate say in what makes it onto the page. Same with having the power/responsibility of changing something I realize isn't working, is insensitive, etc.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters?

Always and forever, yes. 💜 Send me asks, comment in the tags or on Ao3, shriek in reblogs, replies, or a dm. It doesn't matter how--I love whenever someone is curious or interested enough to ask something about my fictional creations.

ON WRITEBLR ENGAGEMENT

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account?

Sometimes it's based on vibes, sometimes I really like the sound of their stories. I appreciate a sense of whimsy and/or humor especially. And someone who likes spooky as well as fantasy stuff.

What makes you decide against following?

Two things: A) Their intro already has, like, 80+ notes (though the vibe/story will override this), and B) lots of posts hating on things/trends/people. I don't mean venting or sometimes ranting, which is everyone's right. I mean someone's whole brand is ridicule or just immediately seeing the bad in everything. Which is still their right. It's also mine to avoid it, and I think this is mutually beneficial. Thankfully, though, this experience has been very rare for me on writeblr.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

I try to. I'll reblog, read, comment, take an open tag, whatever when I have the energy. I mean, how else do writers get readers? It takes people who might not know you personally talking about your work a lot of the time.

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

I am absorbing the essence of your blorbos as we speak, making them an eternal part of me.

[youuuimeanmee]

RWTGI 36 - 37.2 Thoughts

Forgive the 3 chapters at once, lol. If you want to read my thoughts on the latest chapter, it's on down below!

Chapter 36

If you tell me 2 years ago that Yoshino would sleep in the corridor to wait for Kirishima, I would laugh in your face. I never thought this day would come when she's genuinely worried for him.

(Then again, he almost died trying to save her and they have been close lately, so that's fair)

WOW okay queen, slayy. Ugh those pillows look so soft-

That aside, I was shocked. I get that she was too tired to change, but really Asuka? Really? Blatant fanservice outta nowhere? Is she trying to grab the male demographic too? Not that it didn't grab the females already with that kind of bod-

WHY do we get Yoshino's full bod, yet we only get a glimpse of Shouma's abs? I demand equality.

Oh Yoshino. What are you, a dog? How could you differentiate Kiri's smell amongst all else??

Wow Kiri really uses his room as a front. He really didn't lie when he said he can't sleep near anyone's presence. He's like an animal hiding inside a deep cave. And to think his real bedroom is the same place where he often received his punishment.

In the raws, Yoshino actually says in a small note, "That's so typical of Kirishima (to keep things spotless)..."

I remember when Kiri always tidied up Yoshino's mess. I thought he only did it because it's for her, but to think he also keep his own place spotless... Does he have OCD? Then again, serial killers like keeping their place clean-

Question: If Kirishima is inside, how the hell did he lock his place using that kind of lock?

It's giving the vibe of a villain' secret lair.

Why is the room so cold though. I thought it's still October/November. Did he not install a heater there, or did he intentionally blast an AC to freeze some randos who try to break in?

My heart JUMPED when I saw him in the corner of the panel. That panel placement is a genius.

I was so relieved when I see him 🥺🥺 I'm glad he's not masochistic enough to keep his wounds infected. At least he got some treatment (hopefully from the hospital, but I'll take what I can get).

Wow, she really made sure she didn't see a dead body.

SCREAMING CREAMING CRYING.

Asuka really knows how to make a cliffhanger.

THANK YOU for the precious glossary, scans team! 💞😭

Chapter 37.1

Awright! Yoshino and Kirishima finally meet! This means Yoshino would call Shouma about Kirishima so he won't report this incident to Renji! Right?

Judging by his passwords, I thought I was getting better at reading him. Turns out he intentionally made it easier to guess? Wow, way to make a person feel like an idiot.

He really takes Tsubaki's advice to heart 🤣 Starting to regret the time when you burn those albums, don't you.

(Did he burn his all his photos because of sentimental reason, or because he didn't want his enemies to find his weakness?)

Okay, so he really went to the hospital. Good.

Kiri got to have some serious enemies if he only goes to a hospital he could trust.

It's been hammered down again and again that he has no one he completely trust except Yoshino. I hate this kind of set up. It's cliché, yet, it's still playing with my heart.

The way he tried to warm her nosee aughh

Those movements, and no resistance from Yoshino at all?? This is new. She must be really worried and thankful to even care about their positions.

Kirishima, you really said some crazy stuff sometimes.

What. The fuck. Do you mean. You're prepared. To be a missing person. And. To be. An unnamed corpse. Just. To keep. Yoshino. Safe.

I know I said he's unhinged, but he still managed to shock me. I'm impressed.

Istg he's really testing my heart lately. Wdym I'm gonna fall again for Miyama Kirishima. It's not gonna happen?? (It happens)

Still no phone call for Shouma. I hope it's on the next chapter.

Chapter 37.2

Woow, a lot of subtext in this episode. You really need to read between the lines to understand their convo.

Everybody trust Kirishima enough (due to his track records) to protect Yoshino so they're not worried for her safety at all; if anything, it'd be Soumei Renji who's in most trouble.

Basically, Renji from Kirigaya Group (Kansai region) has many enemies because he made a pact with Gaku from Tokusa Group (Kantou region) -- to form a peaceful(?) alliance; despite their clashing ideals. Renji also negotiated for his group to join Kantou region despite the difference in region. Both regions have been on feud for 60 years and it should be for a good reason, so there must be a lot of people within Kirigaya and Tokusa who weren't happy with this joint. (I have to revisit ch 1, 7, & 8 to understand this, sigh). Just a reminder, there was a similar attempt in the past, but it ended with a gang war.

Dang, so even Suo Azami's real identity is faked.

Azami is a drug and weapon dealer?? Fuck.

If we remember ch 26, Akame Hishibe from Tokusa and Azuma Narumi from Kirigaya are conspiring against Renji. Narumi probably aimed to be Kirigaya's number 1 after Renji died, but what about Hishibe? What's his aim? Kirishima said Azami is currently used by yakuza. Could it be, Hishibe made Azami kill Renji because he promised him he'd make a huge profit from drugs and weapons because there's gonna be a gang war once Renji is dead?

I strayed off, lol. Anyways, back to the chapter.

So, as long as Renji is unaware of Yoshino's kidnap, she and Kirishima could live together happily ever after. Now please call Shouma that Kirishima is back safely so he won't have to tell Renji, please.

Wow Kirishimaa. He is so stupidly honest, but sometimes he's such a crafty little shit. This is the same when he agreed to do paper-rock-scissors with Yoshino because he's aware he'd win. He made Yoshino think she has her own choice, when in fact it's all a set up by him. Real glad Yoshino busted his ass this time though, he can't get away with this forever.

Asuka be trying real hard with this whole show-don't-tell, huh. In short, Kirishima finally told Yoshino directly that he's been obsessed interested in her since 12 years old. He's so in love with her, to the point where her small quirk is so endearing to him. Without her, he would've been bored to death. He'd rather die without her, but he'd do his best to live if he's with her.

Sad, but Yoshino couldn't understand his devotion. She thought based on her understanding, love is something that'd wear out sooner or later. She couldn't really rely on Kirishima's feeling forever; and thus, she payed him with money as an insurance because money's value won't change while feelings might change; or at least that's her logic.

(After all the buildup, she still couldn't trust him completely. Is this bc she's traumatized with his drastic change in ch 2? 😭 Wow Kirishima, you fucked up big time)

Woow Yoshino, way to gaslight him what he feel is not love 😂 when your understanding of 'love' is probably just a crush 🤣

Does she realize if they managed to catch Suo Azami, they're essentially preventing a gang war? Probably not.

Heh. She covered her nose because it's cold. Cute.

Wdym she placed herself in that side of the bed. She won't be able to escape easily in that position. Kirishima could just lean to her side with his uninjured hand. Is she not sus Kirishima would do something to her? And why she sleep with him in the first place when she could just go back to her room? She really trust him now, huh.

The tearrss. Is that a tear of relieve, happiness? Or is that a tear of tiredness, lol.

Aww, Kiri. He used to say he can't sleep with anyone's presence including Yoshino, but look at him now 🥹

I am glad you guys made a stronger team than ever, but

CAN SOMEONE CONTACT SHOUMA SO HE WON'T TELL ON RENJI PLEASE??

Damn this turned out much longer than I expected, lmao. But that's because these chapters have been bombs. Can't wait for the next one! XD

[yanderes-galore]

Hi, I'm so excited to see the Homestuck and Hiveswap stuff you'll be writing! Could I request general red romance HCs for Karkat with a human darling?

I'd love to! This is my first time writing Karkat so let's see how this goes ^^

Yandere! Karkat Vantas with Human! Darling

Pairing: Matesprit ❤️

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Troll/Human pairing, Obsession, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Internal conflict, Slight stalking, Jealousy, Possessive behavior, Dubious relationship, Protective behavior mentioned, Biting, Gamzee is helping Karkat.

Karkat is another troll that would have to take time in order to fall for a human.

It's not impossible for him to love a human but it does take a while.

Karkat comes off as he typically does with people, which can give off the impression he hates you.

He's volatile, moody, and every word from his mouth seems like some sort of slight.

It's a pain to communicate with him through the chat client and in person.

Karkat really is a troll you have to get used to before you can actually befriend him.

Even when he begins to grow fond of a human he still comes off as arrogant and rude.

Then feels bad when he hurts you emotionally.

He's not really all that violent compared to most, he's mostly bark.

He's a slow burn yandere meaning it will take awhile for obsession to kick in.

Which is fine because by that time you can hear him ramble about quadrants and understand how troll relationships work.

Before you see his obsession you'll already know how Karkat acts.

Nothing much truly happens between you until you arrive on the meteor like Rose and Dave or meet him through Dream Bubbles.

When you manage to interact in person he'll become softer with you.

He's a bit defensive and crabby as usual, including towards you.

Although as he begins to develop flushed feelings for you... you'll notice he relents on being so aggressive.

At first he finds the idea of having a human in a quadrant as weird.

Even though you've listened to him explain quadrants and shipping charts he wonders if it could even work.

Flushed is the closest to human love... but what is he thinking?

Karkat would be in denial about his red feelings for you.

He'd try to ignore them when interacting with you.

Yet you'll notice he's always deep in thought with a vacant gaze in his eyes as he stares.

If anyone tries to imply he has red feelings for you he's incredibly defensive and flips out.

The last thing he needs is you hearing such a thing.

It's not too hard to tell he has a thing for you.

Sure, his private chats with you and weakness towards you could be a sign of close friendship.

But many people interpret it for what it is.

You actually don't mind Karkat too much when you become friends.

He becomes less volatile with you and tries to tone down his screaming.

He genuinely appears softer around you, like he's more willing to be gentle if it's just you around.

It would take him time to admit he has red feelings for you.

He just hates to say it but he really does love you a lot... he's probably felt for you ever since he saw you in person for the first time.

Now with you chatting and talking all the time he's bound to release his feelings of hesitancy towards telling you.

He just waits until the time is right.

Meanwhile he'll observe you from a distance when he isn't with you.

He honestly hates the idea of asking for advice on how to tell you.

Gamzee, his Moirail, is insane by this point and Karkat feels asking how to confess would end horribly.

Dave is another answer yet Karkat dreads the teasing and forward approach Dave may advise him to take.

As a result Karkat may just bite the bullet at some point and ask you.

"HEY, UM, I KNOW YOU MAY FIND THIS WEIRD... YOU TOTALLY CAN I UNDERSTAND BUT... HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I SAID I HAD RED FEELINGS FOR YOU? WE TALKED ABOUT THIS WITH THE WHOLE QUADRANT THING. I WANT YOU AS MY MATESPRIT, THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY."

He's worried he'll come off too harsh with his voice or if you find it odd to date a troll so he just wings it in the end.

If you reject him then Karkat tries to be rational with this decision.

He says he understands and is willing to wait but he gets impatient and worried when he sees you hang out with others.

He wants to be your Matesprit badly.

He hates feeling so desperate when it comes to you.

Yet Karkat eventually forces his way into your life even if you didn't say yes.

He's no delusional, he knows what he's doing, but he can't bear the thought of you not being his red love.

If you say yes to him, either when he first asks or after his persistence, things become much easier for him.

Karkat, despite his volatile nature, seems like he'd be okay with affection.

He's able to calm his Moirail so he may be fine with being affectionate towards his Matesprit.

You are one of the only people he can properly tone down his volatile nature for.

If he ended up forcing you into his red quadrant then he'll try his best to calm and pacify you.

Karkat also seems like a troll who'd become jealous as a yandere.

He has a temper and can get overly protective/possessive about his perceived Matesprit.

Karkat is okay with both verbal and physical affection.

Although he prefers to give you physical affection.

Karkat seems like he could be a bad yandere, as in troubling to deal with.

This can be assumed by his volatile nature.

However, I feel Karkat can be okay to deal with.

He's not violent unless he has to be.

Most of the time if he's jealous he'll be moody or yell at whoever is causing hia jealousy.

He's more Chihuahua-like than anything.

Karkat may cling to you more, sometimes even in public, to show he claims you as his red love.

This would go along with the HC I have where trolls are possessive over quadrantmates.

Karkat goes from despising the idea of having a human in his quadrant to being overly defensive of his human Matesprit.

His jealousy and envy could be a bit problematic although I don't believe he'll intentionally hurt any of his friends other than something akin to a light fistfight.

I can't see him killing for you unless it's go save you.

He prefers to use words to descalate a situation due to being a leader.

Like with most yandere trolls, Karkat probably bites.

Not because he likes your pain, but because he wants to show others he takes claim to you.

He has to be careful as human skin and bodies are less durable than his own.

Karkat often wants to be vulnerable around his darling more than others.

He's vulnerable around his Matesprit and Moirail the most, although friends may also see a softer side to him.

Speaking of which, just as a little bonus, Gamzee may try to keep you and Karkat together.

Even if you aren't his Matesprit willingly.

Karkat would try to be gentle when showing affection.

Compared to his cranky personality, he's soft with holding you or kissing you.

Unless he feels your attention is being stolen from him... then his hold tightens.

If given the chance, Karkat may kidnap with help from his Moirail.

He tries not to but is he feels he has to, he will.

Karkat becomes open to exploring his human Matesprit and looks at ways you two are compatible with each other.

He's been one to closely study relationships through media.

If he finds you two are having issues in your Matespritship, he'll find ways to mediate it.

He won't be letting you go, though.

He's grown too attached to you to do that.

Overall, Karkat would be hesitant and even find the idea of a human in his quadrants repulsive.

Although with time, as he becomes friends with his darling, the idea of it will grow on him.

Karkat would not mind his darling being human once he fully falls for them.

You actually become one of the only people he can unwind around.

Karkat will soon put aside his views on human/troll pairings and indulge in his feelings within his obsession...

By the time he makes you his Matesprit, he isn't willing to let you go.

"YOU'RE MINE! YOU'RE MY MATESPRIT, WE'VE BEEN DESTINED SINCE I'VE CREATED YOUR UNIVERSE! DON'T LEAVE ME, I PROMISE I'LL BE BETTER FOR YOU AS LONG AS I HAVE YOU!"

[ghostlysundae]

Ninjago is a show where early seasons were riddled with misogyny that not only affected the few female characters it had but also sabotaged the potential of some of the male ones in this essay I will:

LIKE IF A FEMALE CHARACTER WASN'T THERE TO BE THE TOKEN WOMAN SHE ONLY EXISTED TO BE A LOVE INTEREST. Nya's relationships with male characters will more often than not be them hitting on or pursuing her. If a male character isn't Wu, Zane, or Kai then they have randomly flirted with her or fought with Jay for her attention at one point or another. Skylor and Pix's characters don't experience this issue because, Pix quite literally could not talk to anyone except Zane for a while. Sky just walked herself out of the show and only occasionally shows up. Nya's not allowed to have non-romantic male relationships outside the ninja, hell she doesn't even get to interact with her much brother anymore and her parents are still basically not in the picture.

Coles character got sabotaged in season 3 because he randomly has an interest in Nya. Instead of giving him or Nya a nice character arc the writers rather use them purely for relationship drama that frankly just feels boring or unpleasant to watch. Coles still an amazing character, however, season 3 leaves a stain on it and it was unfortunately one of the biggest things he was known for besides ghost stuff til season 13 rolled around.

Then there's side characters randomly hitting on her like Shifty in prime empire, shade in Hunted, the guy in wus tea, and etc.

Ronins one of the BIGGEST examples of the writers sabotaging a character and their relationship with Nya so they can have pointless drama that goes no where and never gets mentioned or brought up again. Like instead of letting Nya have a friend/father figure she has things in common with and can talk to they rather just make him another guy who's attracted to her, it doesn't affect the story in any way at all and it FEELS SO FORCED AND UNNECESSARY!! HE WAS HELPING HER GET THROUGH HER ISSUES AND SHE GUINUENELY FELT COMFORTABLE TALKING TO HIM WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT???

I really wished they used Nya and Ronins arcs to show how everyone learns differently, like Wus way of teaching her honestly didn't do much except aggravate and annoy her. Ronin could almost immediately spot why she was struggling and gave her advice that genuinely helped her gain complete control over water, and after she reversed water successfully for the first time and got really excited about it; Ronin walked away from her SMILING. I just want THAT version of Ronin and Nya back, it was amazing.

[anxiousnerdwritings]

Unexpected (kinda) pure thought: Aemma and sicklybrother!reader get to hang out cuz they’re both bedridden all the time and support each other through their shit health. I also love the idea of them talking shit about everybody at court together and nobody suspecting anything cuz they have such spotless reputations. Also Rhaenyra doing the same thing w Aemma in episode one where she’s like ‘all these people are fussing over your health, who’s fussing over you?’ and spends time with him chatting and laughing.

When Aemma/baby Baelon dies and they all have the funeral on those windy-ass hills Reader being like “I’ve lost my friend, my brother and king has to burn his wife and child today, my niece has lost her mother and the realm has lost their queen, I’m going to be out there if it fucking kills me,” even if he has to be carried he’s not skipping it.

Rhaenyra curling up in her uncles bed the way she did as a little girl for comfort when Daemon is exiled and Viserys is distant 😢.

When the ‘heir for a day’ thing happens he gently confronts Daemon ‘did you really say it? I don’t want to hear it from Otto, I want to hear it from you. I’m not angry, I just want you to be honest with me’ (according to BTS stuff they filmed the scene w Daemon saying it but he genuinely said it in a honouring kinda way, not mocking)

Reader biting his lip til it bleeds to stop from crying/expressing his own grief cuz he’s trying to be strong for everyone and providing genuine advice even though he’s so sad and stressed. Emotional support animal vibes. Which makes him easy for Alicent to swoop in and ‘save’.

- 🦇

When I tell you I fucking love this idea so much, I mean it! Aemma and Sickly!Younger!Brother!Reader being the bestest besties in all the realm is just too wholesome for my heart to handle. Also, I absolutely adore that scene of Rhaenyra visiting Aemma and her mother nudges her with her foot. No doubt that exact same action and the mention of ‘all these people fussing over your health, who’s fussing over you?’ would happen more often then not when regarding Rhaenyra, the Reader and Aemma together. I also totally can see Rhaenyra having heard that exact sentence be uttered by either her mother or her uncle directed towards the other which in turn is why she used it. It’s like their own little thing they say to each other that Rhaenyra no doubt picked up given how much time she spent around them together.

I have no doubt in my mind that Aemma would spend most of her time by Sickly!Reader’s side, both being tended to simultaneously. They both share their annoyance at being so fret over by everyone else and just wanting some peace away from the maesters and servants hovering over them. I love the idea of the two having their own little get away place just for the two of them, and maybe Rhaenyra. Just somewhere the two could get some peace and serenity without anyone breathing down their necks about their health. I especially love the thought of this secret place having been founded and used by Sickly!brother!Reader way before he shared it with Aemma. Daemon is probably the only other person who knows about this spot, mainly because he went to visit the Reader one late night and found his bedchambers completely empty and nearly had a heart attack because of it but eventually found his sibling safe and sound in said secret place.

I definitely see Aemma and Sickly!Brother!Reader not only being the best of friends but also being more akin to brother and sister (and not in the Targaryen way). So when Aemma dies he not only lost his best friend but a sister too and it only adds all the more to the hurt. And he sure as hell is going to be in attendance at her and his nephew’s funeral. He’s not going to let anything keep him from being there for his brother and niece. He’s not going to let anything stop him from being there to send off his beloved best friend, his sister and her child to the gods. I can’t help but imagine Daemon being the one to come across the Reader trying to make his way out of the castle to where the funeral pyre, having trouble due to his health but still stubbornly trying to get back to his feet to get to where he needs to be. The Reader thinks Daemon is just there to stop him and is already in the midst of shutting down any attempts to prevent him from going through with his endeavors, but instead he’s met with Daemon holding his arm out for him to lean on and help aid him while he tries to walk again.

The sight of the Reader making his feeble yet determined way in support of Viserys and Rhaenyra in their time of need is something they both had desperately hoped to have happen but never imagined it coming to be. Viserys would be incredibly appreciative and thankful that his youngest brother was there, a part of him had wanted to bring the Reader out himself but he didn’t want to compromise his health more than it already was and end up having another funeral because of it. But seeing his brother, having him there was something Viserys would never forget. Meanwhile, Rhaenyra is absolutely brimming with relief and gratitude upon her beloved uncle making his way to stand among her and her father in mourning.

After Aemma’s death, Sickly!brother!Reader wouldn’t do too well. His bedchambers alone was a bittersweet reminder of her constantly, every single day, given how much she spent her time by his side laughing, chainring, gossiping, and everything else. Even with the bustling maesters and servants or even Alicent’s presence isn’t enough to take away from the quiet he now felt surrounded him without Aemma there. If anything Alicent’s constant presence would only be yet another reminder of Aemma, the way she now sits by his side the way Aemma once did or how she tried to talk to him in a similar fashion that Aemma did. For a good while, Sickly!Brother!Reader would try and avoid his room as much as possible, slipping away whenever he had the strength too. Hell, even when he didn’t have it in him he would still try to get away from the one place that reminded him most of his late friend. Even Viserys wouldn’t be able to bring himself to visit his brother for awhile, not after the many times he’d come across both his most treasured loved ones keeping each other company throughout their ordeals in the same said room.

On the other hand, Rhaenyra would depend even more on her uncle after her mother and baby brother’s deaths. She finds his company being the most comforting, getting to be in a space where her mother often was too made Rhaenyra feel even closer to her all over again. Not only that but she was often reminded of the fond memories of her, her mother, and her beloved uncle all being together and laughing away even given the weakened state her uncle was especially in. Rhaenyra would be glued to the Reader’s side once Viserys pulls away and Daemon is exiled. Her Sickly!Uncle was always the one she could consistently depend on no matter what and even now he continued to be there for her when she needed someone most.

Alicent would be jealous of the attention and overall closeness of the Reader and Rhaenyra. She’s understanding that both are going through something grievous, everyone affected by Aemma’s death is but she still can’t help but envy Rhaenyra getting to be so close to the Reader all she wants. Getting the Reader’s undivided time and attention, his comfort and assurance, all of it. Alicent understands the loss of a mother, she lost her own some time ago after all and she desperately wished she had someone like the Reader back then to do the same for her as he was doing for Rhaenyra. Not only that but Alicent also wished, hoped, prayed for more than anything that she could be someone the Reader could lean on, someone who could give him comfort and reassurance. She wanted to be the one to hold him, to soothe away his pain and anguish, she wanted to be the one he could depend on. Meanwhile her farther was forcing her to be exactly that for Viserys instead. Now that doesn’t mean she wasn’t also using the same methods with the Reader as she was with Viserys, trying to get him to just give into her even just a little bit. But out of the two Viserys was much weaker to it then his youngest brother.

If Sickly!Brother!Reader ever found out that Aemma’s cause of death was mainly due to the caesarean section that Viserys had the maesters do to save baby Baelon he wouldn’t be able to look at his brother again. He understands his brother’s position in the moment but he can’t help but hold quite a lot of blame and resentment towards Viserys for the choice he made. Eventually the Reader could come to accept it but knowing that it was his brothers choice that killed Aemma would be a hard hit to the Reader.

Regarding the ‘heir for a day’ comment, the Reader definitely wants to hear it himself from Daemon and only Daemon. He isn’t going to take anyone else’s word for it. And as calm and gentle as the Reader is coming off in the moment, he’s really seething with an overwhelming intensity of emotion. Daemon better explain himself right and clearly to his younger brother otherwise he’s getting a well deserved punch to the face, one that takes everything out of the Reader and leads to him collapsing onto the floor resulting in Daemon rushing to his side. It’s only then that the Reader fully allows himself to finally let out all the emotions he’s been bottling up in favor of being the one everyone else can depend on. Breaking down, sobbing so aggressively that Daemon can’t help but look on worriedly as his brother crumbles. All he can do is hold his baby brother and comfort him as much as he can until he calms himself down enough to be placed back into his bed and down some much needed water.

[cleverri]

Apollo Justice x reader. Head cannons for relationship

APOLLO JUSTICE x READER | written by MOD clever

warnings; A few cuss words here and there but that's it-

headcanons for Apollo Justice in a relationship...

Ace Attorney; Apollo Justice

First thing to know about this man- He doesn’t fall in love easily. But when he does? Man, he falls hard. He’s a dedicated and passionate individual, someone who isn’t open to dating someone unless he knows that they’re the right one.

You have to be someone he’s known for a long time. He’s been through a lot, and even though he continues to say that he’s fine, you need to be someone who can actually see through his facade and care for him as a person. Though he’s stubborn, he’ll be practically putty in your hands.

Apollo appreciates intellectual stimulation and enjoys engaging in deep conversations with his partner. (Taxes. /J) He enjoys being able to just have a full conversation with his partner, either it be about a trial coming up, or something random that you enjoy. With that being said, Apollo is also a great listener and a reliable source of emotional support. He genuinely cares about his partner's well-being and will lend a listening ear whenever they need to vent or seek advice. (Even if he's completely awkward at it at first.)

Dates? You mean spending time at a crime scene trying to figure out what the hell happened with Apollo's secret younger sister? Yeah- 

Seriously though, Trucy definitely has third wheeled y'all a lot. So has Phoenix. Phoenix absolutely will tease Apollo in front of you. 

"This is (Y/N), the person I was talking about earlier." "Oh, couldn't you have found anyone better?" "Mr. Wright-!?" "I was talking to (Y/N)-"

Isn’t exactly that big on PDA. He gets flustered easily, face- Hell, entire body going red at any type of affection from his partner. Grab him by the face and pepper his face with kisses. Hold his hand and shout with him that you two are fine. Let him know how much he is valued, admired, and loved so you can make his heart soar.

Leave small hand-written notes for Apollo to find throughout the day- You don’t understand how much that will brighten his mood and make him feel special. These notes could include words of encouragement, affectionate messages, or even playful inside jokes. At some point, he’ll start writing little notes back, and it’ll become a little thing between the two of you. (You two have a little jar of unopened notes for each other for whenever either of you need a pick-me-up.)

Apollo appreciates whenever his partner cheers him on in court. Though, most of the time he’ll miss the sighting of you, and ends up a bit surprised whenever he sees you after court, waiting for him- But just the realization that you had been there, so excited for him to reveal the truth and provide justice has him absolutely melting.

Loves cooking with you. Is he a bit horrible at it? … Yes- BUT HEAR ME OUT- The guy is a romantic at heart, and longs for a domestic life after everything he’s been through. He loves the idea of standing next to you and learning how to make something with you. He knows how to make everyday things, like- he knows how to make eggs and such. But anything past that is stuff he needs help with.

His siblings give him the teasings of his life whenever you’re around. Even if it’s ever so subtle- Or completely obvious- (COUGH COUGH- RAYFA-) Though, prepare to be completely confused when Apollo’s siblings start speaking Khura'inese. (Don’t worry, Apollo’s confused too- He barely knows anything in Khura’In tongue-)

Old-School kid. He has a vintage record player that he… Doesn’t use that much- He just loves it too much to give it away. He loves taking Polaroid photos and putting them into a little scrapbook (Most photos are of you but shh-). 

He tries to surprise you with dates, yet they never really seem to work in his favor due to how chaotic the people are in his life. He wants to be extravagant, yet his work schedule (and wallet-) tells him ‘Absolutely not.’ So dates usually end up with just watching random movies while helping Apollo work on an upcoming case.

You must like Mikeko. Mikeko must like you. I don’t make the rules, he does. Genuinely, he loves his cat so much, and if you aren’t willing to get along with his cat, then there will be a bit of a problem. Of course, if the two of you get along, he’s already getting the wedding ring- /J

Apollo pays attention to the small details and remembers the things that matter to his partner. Whether it's their favorite snack, a specific interest or hobby, or a meaningful memory, he shows that he's invested in their happiness by remembering and incorporating these details into their relationship. Though, he does this absolutely unintentionally. The guy doesn’t even realize he does this. Must be the lawyer in him-

Strong man /J I wouldn’t call him *that* strong, his arms are though- Has pretty buff arms- Strong upper-body strength. This is another thing he doesn’t quite realize? It’s quite funny watching him realize this over-and-over again, to be honest. That being said, he definitely will accidentally pick you up if you hug him. 

Lawyer- Lawyer business- Meaning his schedule is usually filled to the brim with upcoming cases and such. It’s a bit difficult to find some quality time with him- It gets a tad worse after the whole Spirit of Justice arc. Just be there for him, ya’ll.

Isn’t used to having someone be there for him 24/7. He’s lived a tough life, lost many people along the way of becoming an attorney, he’s used to the concept of loss. He’d be so scared of losing you as well, seeing how horrible his luck was around this certain topic. He’ll shout that he’s fine, when in reality, most of the time he isn’t. Hold him, and make sure he knows you’re not going anywhere.

[gurugirl]

So I'm conflicted. I messaged you a while ago that I was talking with a guy 25 years older than me. We exchanged pictures and I wasn't attracted to him. I broke things off with him but didn't tell him why. I used an excuse that, while true, wasn't the reason I didn't want to talk anymore. I missed talking to him, so after about a month I started messaging him again. I've never had anyone talk to me the way he does. We text all day, even when we are both at work. We text about everything. Like our lives, daily stuff, childhoods, and sex stuff. I don't think we have disagreed on anything yet. I don't know if I like him or just that he is the only person to be nice and seem to care about me in the not just friends sense. There are so many things to think about with him. He has two kids. I am only 7 years older than his son. I wouldn't want to start out as anything serious with him but I've never even been on a date before and he has been married and had children. Plus there is the whole could I become attracted to him. When I first saw his picture it was an instant no from me but after looking at them over and over again I can see maybe some attachment growing. I'm just looking for any sort of advice. I don't want to hurt him just because I can't figure my shit out. Any idea of how to figure this out? What do I do or ask him or myself? I've never done this with someone my age so it feels even more confusing with someone older. He always says he likes talking with me and is thinking about me. I get a thoughtful message that is different every morning. First thing at around 7am even though he knows I won't respond until hours later. How can I tell if I like this because its from him and not just because it is happening at all? Sorry for the long-winded ask. I'm just very confused and no one in my real life even knows he exists. It isn't something I want to bring up if it isn't ever going to turn into a real thing. What would you do and how would you go about figuring it out? Also I can't remember if I mentioned it in the past but for reference I'm 30 and he's 55.

Hi hon! I think I remember you telling me your age and his.

It sounds like you genuinely enjoy his "company" or like how he treats you and you two get along really well so to me it makes sense you'd want to keep talking because you formed a bond of some sort. But when it comes to matters of the heart that's where stuff really gets confusing. You have established you like him as a companion or friend but you're not attracted to him.

I've had friends in the past that I liked so much that I was confused by what my feelings were for them (I couldn't tell if it was romantic or just like close friends) and in the end it wound up boiling down to me just really really liking them as a friend but it was mistaken for more because it was kind of intense. I'm not sure if that's kind of how you're feeling for this man or not but I can see it happening and I empathise with you bc that's super confusing. The guy that I was very close friends with wound up liking me as more than a friend and I sort of forced myself to want to be with him romantically bc I wanted to keep his friendship and not lose him, and also thought surely I'd eventually find him attractive bc I liked him so much but that never happened and I couldn't get past not having that physical attraction.

While I don't feel like looks are everything, for me personally, if I were to be considering seeing someone romantically I'd need to find that physical attraction after my experience. I don't think you can force something like that or that one day you'll wake up and find him handsome. But who knows? Maybe that wouldn't be the case for you. We are all wired differently. I met a couple a few years ago where the woman told me that she never found her husband to be "good-looking" but that she adored him and everything else about him made him attractive to her (he was also much older than she was).

I fear this is one of those things that you'll just need to try and be honest with yourself about (which is so hard when you're confused about it) and maybe even him as well. Being that he's 55, I'd hope he's not expecting a 30 year old to find him terribly attractive. I bet he's aware that you'd have that hurdle to figure out.

I don't know how you should go about it in your situation. I just know for me I would want to be at least somewhat physically attracted and I don't think it's something I can force. But since you're so conflicted about this and no one else knows about him, would it be the worst thing to talk it out with him? You trust him (it sounds like) and you two know a lot about one another so maybe just tell him how you're feeling. It'll give him perspective maybe and if he's a truly stand-up guy he won't try and persuade or pressure you or anything like that. It'll be more like a frame for him to view the relationship so you two are on the same page, or at least he can understand your view of things. Maybe you'll find clarity that way, by talking it out with him.

Thank you for the update! I hope my rambling made sense and that you can find some clarity in your situation somehow 💕

xoxo