#I could call in a mental health day

[smolthealmighty]

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[ihavethegrimoire]

Man, I really don't like how people treat suguru's defection as this easily solved thing.

[siena-sevenwits]

[sentanixiv]

I'm 36 hours from when I ran out of my ADHD, depression, and anxiety meds. I get more in two hours, thank fuck.

Good news! My mental health challenges are now unequivocally proven to be 90% brain chemistry.

Bad news! My mental health challenges are unequivocally proven to be 90% brain chemistry AND I have two hours until I can start the correction.

Tip: Never downplay yourself. Meds don't dull, they help (where brain chemistry imbalances are at fault).

[saamaton]

the little joys of life ❤️ (calling in sick to work for today and tomorrow when i'm not at all sick)

[peaches2217]

One of my favorite things about my job is that our office is actually a semi-stylized cabin, complete with a covered porch. So on days like today, when business is slow and the rain’s coming down, I can stand outside, take some deep breaths, and just enjoy the view for a while.

Moments like this aren’t particularly special, I guess, but they always leave me feeling at peace and happy to be alive, so I cherish them all the same.

[raininyourblackeyes]

My cousin, a published writer, a well-known poet in my country and a literature professor, for whom I've always been no.1 support ever since her first attempts at writing in high school, told me that I must stop writing as a hobby because that's her thing and since I'm writing fantasy mostly my writing could never have any important artistic value anyways.

[ara-meyy]

.

[vraska-theunseen]

google how to not be sosososo anxious all the time. its not even like stress that motivates me to get things done it's just like. i make a mistake and misunderstood instructions in class and my teacher is like "you were supposed to figure out precisely where 180 was before taping the draft and punching your marks" when i like an idiot guesstimated it and after a moment of me going "oh..." bc its something i can't fix bc i've already punched in all the holes on the part he's like "i think you'll be okay" and goes back to what he's doing and then for three hours im like he's so annoyed with me i bring things to him too much and ask him too many questions and make the stupidest mistakes every day he hates me. i ask a friend something and they don't respond because they're busy or forget about it or don't see it or any number of other reasons and then a couple weeks later i send them something else and they don't respond for a few hours and its enough time for me to convince myself i said something a while ago that they took offense to without realizing and they're ignoring me and i send another message saying "are you mad at me did i do something can you tell me what i did so we can work it out" and he's like "what?". a friend posts about people treating them badly in a way that's clear they're talking about a specific phenomenon or person and im always like omg are they talking about me did i do something bad and not realize it... and its someone i talk to so infrequently and casually it obviously would not be a concern or someone i've known for so many years that they would obviously come to me if there was any conflict that arose. help

[sillyfreakx5]

i miss him so much :(((

(tw for implied grooming/csa in the tags)

[icewindandboringhorror]

It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.

Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.

[pynkhues]

I agree that the music connections is always downplayed; calling Antoinette 'just food' is especially funny to me since in the previous episode Louis said that "music was where Lestat separated man from food. Music pierced his damned soul. And any human who were involved with the creation of it existed on an elevated plane in his eyes." And they wrote music and performed together for weeks before actually sleeping together, so love for music was a big part of it. I know the fandom likes to pretend that she was an awful singer but I think she was actually pretty good or Lestat wouldn't look at her twice. Also, Antoine said in of the PL books that Lestat came to him when Claudia and Louis made him feel stupid and excluded, and I think she also played that role. She was probably his only friends through all these years but like you said he's incapable of staying just platonic friends with anyone and is touch starved so yeah lol.

(x)

Ah! I haven't read the Prince Lestat books, so wasn't aware that Antoine had said that. it makes a lot of sense.

But yeah, I think music is definitely central to Lestat and Antoinette's connection, and it's interesting to me that the writers would have Louis so explicitly articulate what music means to Lestat in 1.02 and then have him then spend the next five episodes diminishing his and Antoinette's affair. Again, I don't think it was ever particularly serious between Lestat and Antoinette, at least not for Lestat, but they did have a common interest in creating music that Louis doesn't share with Lestat and I don't think that means nothing.

I think it also amplifies Louis' insecurities too - music gives Antoinette and Lestat a shared language, just as their whiteness does (just as Louis' Blackness does with Claudia), and adding to that that Lestat and Antoinette would be more quote-unquote 'socially acceptable' given they're a white heterosexual couple as opposed to a queer interracial one, I think definitely interacts with Louis' complex interior life and stokes his resentments.

[mad-hunts]

19.     entry made talking about a simple    /   normal day.

'dear diary' prompts...

[TRANSCRIPTION: so, i'd like to start this off by saying that i sometimes crave a sense of normalcy more than ever in my life... though i know that people might not expect something like that out of me. you know, because i seem so devoted to my work, i guess. but i have to say that after getting a taste of it today, it's probably when i'm at my happiest. me and jack had spent the day together, which is something we actually rarely get to do. he had told me about this crepe place that had opened up a little while ago and he seemed really eager to go there. so i invited jack to do that this morning and i swear, i hadn't seen him smile that big in a while. which did something funny to my heart.

and by that, i mean you know that feeling you get when you can't contain the love you have for someone? yeah that was pretty much what ended up happening to me; a fuzziness had hit me in the chest. but after we went there, and jack ate an impressive amount of crepes (he was really fond of the nutella and strawberry ones), my son suggested that we see this new movie that came out recently. and it was hard to pass up so of course i said yes. we snuck in some candy and drinks because, honestly, who wants to pay for the overpriced candy they have? not us so we did that and just like i expected... the theater was pretty packed since it was for the new hunger games movie. it was good though!

anyhow, after that, jack wanted to spend some time just hanging out by the water when he did something that surprised me. jack hugged me. and it was really nice, because i can't remember the last time my son gave me one like that. he went on to tell me that he missed 'this part of me.' this got me to thinking that, yeah, i have been treating him not so well for a while. so maybe i ought to change that. jack deserves to have a father who doesn't switch up on him every day, from being mean to being nice.

maybe i'll call my therapist back and tell her i want to start seeing her again. she might've said some things that i didn't like the last time, one of those being that i exhibit behaviors that are typical of sociopaths — but i guess i can make an exception for jack, because he's my little bug.

signed, barton. ]

[amariemelody]

This morning, how the hell did we have a legit Code Blue during shift change, got 15+ people in & out the room (including me, bringing the saline flushes and gloves), the monitor is still showing asystole (AKA flatline/heartbeat) for this poor old lady even after 3 rounds of chest compressions...

...And you're going to try to walk right on by with your backpack on and car keys in hand? You could only "try" because I know you doubled back and went out on the other side so people wouldn't see you walking out during a Code.

I don't...I get that I now work in a hospital and I'm Going To See Some Shit, but I don't...understand people right now.

I don't understand.

I drove home crying this morning.

[thursdayinspace]

have been trying to get support *since monday* on a technical issue on a website i really really absolutely need to access very very urgently and either the call gets disconnected or whatever workaround they suggest *doesn't work* and they won't answer my emails either and this one particular thing can *only* be done online and i'm beyond frustrated at this point lol.

i've done the call center thing myself for a long time and i know it's not their fault and they're as frustrated as i am and have to smile through it all day before going home to have a nervous breakdown, but still i'm having a hard time not having a breakdown on the phone myself by now when i do get through to an actual person.

okay, just needed to vent here because i'm not ever going to be rude to customer service people but i do have to leave this anger somewhere. ^^

feeling like absolute shit today doesn't help.