#but doctor not being available
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I'm 36 hours from when I ran out of my ADHD, depression, and anxiety meds. I get more in two hours, thank fuck.
Good news! My mental health challenges are now unequivocally proven to be 90% brain chemistry.
Bad news! My mental health challenges are unequivocally proven to be 90% brain chemistry AND I have two hours until I can start the correction.
Tip: Never downplay yourself. Meds don't dull, they help (where brain chemistry imbalances are at fault).
#kichi speaks#destigmatize mental health#mental health#ain't meant to go days without#but doctor not being available#and then them not calling me#and then the pharmacist only being able to get me a two week emergency supply of anxiety/depression meds#because ain't no way they can emergency prescribe the very senstive and controlled meds I take for ADHD#i had nothing left#thought I could make two full days#oops#i can't#it's been a month of trying to get them#so light at the end of the tunnel#also JFC how did I make it 25 years without depression anxiety meds#and 38 without ADHD#i am fucking AMAZING and AMAZED
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welllll it looks like i'm gonna be quitting my IRL job. i'm upset cause I really liked it, I'm supposed to be doing warehouse work and truck processing which I enjoy, but they overhired and even though they hired more people weeks after I'd joined on I got stuck shelving product to justify hours, which I'm also not getting the promised amount of. absolutely cannot justify waking up at 4 am and driving 45 minutes to stock shelves
but anyways, that's kind of good news for you guys cause that means I'm gonna have more time for art and be able to take on more commissions sooner than planned
#i thought this was a temp thing while they hired more stockers but i found out today that this is just how it is#and they just. picked me to get downgraded#i also found out i'm just not getting scheduled for truck shifts?? like come on#when all my coworkers are#im volunteering for a union over the weekend so at least this will be fuel for the fire lmao. solidarity forever+workers rights#oh also my availability is being ignored so i have to scramble to get doctors appointments when im free. icing on the cake
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getting worried about no callbackkkk hurryyyyyy i need to get this over with as soon as possible so im all Healed Up by the time i go to the con (in a month) or the concert (in 2 months)
#not only that but like idk i had to wait over a month for the CONSULT and i was anxious 24/7#and having trouble sleeping bc i kept imagining how it wld go so i do not wanna wait long for the surgery.#(this is not me being unreasonable btw the doctor said he's available to do it in the upcoming weeks as soon as i want)#im jst waiting on the scheduler who said she had other patients to call first t_t
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Two so far:
“but YOU’RE the doctor!” “Oh, I don’t look like him.”
*reads his old diary*
*plays recorder*
*steps in a puddle*
*jumps over a boulder*
*wears a tall, lumpy hat*
*murders some daleks*
*that grin. you know the one*
I support him in all his endeavours. 💛
#classic who#doctor who#the second doctor#patrick troughton#the entirety of his first season as is available on Tubi is animated#so idk if there’s live action differences that exist somewhere out there in unfinished serials?#’cause I’m just going off the reconstructions available to me rn#but my GOODNESS he has been an EXPERIENCE so far#btw for people reading all my thoughts. You should know that Tubi ONLY includes complete serials#so episodes that survived the rest of their serials being lost just… aren’t there. So I know I’m missing things that technically exist#and again I know eventually I’ll need to delve into the audio recordings! but for now I’m doing one medium at a time 😅#ANYWAY. can’t wait to meet live action Two. 😂 but animated Two is delighting me.
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breaking news: historians have theorized that this friendly neighborhood merchant and this mysterious stranger were Very Good Friends
#oceandi arts#generic protagonist#pla run#volo#oceandi answers#the-bones-fall#pesselle#croagunk#croagunk is here!!!!!! get gunk'd!!!!!!!!!#guzma#he's there for one frame that's good enough#anyways I took psychic damage when I read that the four humors were still being used with bloodletting well into the 1800s and even 1900s#in the West at least. thank goodness I can pick and choose what things I want to keep from history jksdfhkjsdf#cheese not being widely available because it wasn't quite as popular but existing in johto because they have a dairy farm in canon? 100%#various herbs and such being used as medicines before their actual effective molecules were isolated and reproducible in labs? totally#but in pokemon a lot of medical and technological advances happened a LOT earlier which is why by modern day they have like. warp pads#and fancy healy machines and ease of transing your gender#*note that I am not a doctor and do not endorse old-timey medicines as a substitute for modern ones lol
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Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.
#also “”“”medical necessity“”“” is NOT an excuse here.#ive been to plenty of doctors that thoroughly discuss a range/timeline of treatment and explain it IN DETAIL before saying “thats what i-#-recommend“ instead of just going ”okay were gonna do this. im gonna explain the prep to you a mile a minute and if you have any follow up-#-questions im just gonna repeat part of my spiel with no clarification. and if i cant answer your questions too bad :)“#not to mention how many doctors just force you to do things that WILL NEVER WORK#like one therapist tried forcing me to do emdr when i was only IN HER TOWN for the summer and i had no internet access when i was at college#im pretty sure emdr takes several weeks to work and i did not have that kind of time available to me. i couldnt just drop out bc of ptsd.#also the number of times ive had to decline an ESI is stupid. I've already had 2! they didn't work! i had a bad reaction to the meds!#why am i being forced to do it again?#also back surgery. i cant do that because i am a white trash rural kid and our home (which we built ourselves) CANNOT be accessible enough#for spinal surgery recovery. but i went to the surgeon and he was like “thats valid! and also surgery literally wouldnt help you so idk why-#-they sent you here.“ : l It's cool to be right all the time lol#its like. no wonder i developed medical demand avoidance after so much traumatizing and malpracticy bullshit in my life#demand avoidance#medical demand avoidance#chronic illness burnout#chronic illness#chronic pain#medical tw#ptsd#disability#medical neglect#medical trauma#vent#this might be too personal. if i do delete it ill have it rb'd on my boar-deer-whitetrashbutterfly blog first#idk i just havent really been able to find anyone else talking about this specific effect of being chronically ill/disabled.
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My MFA costs £14,438
My scholarship takes that down to £11,550.40
The UK student loans company offers a maximum of £12,471 to cover both the tuition fees and cost of living.
My university only allow me to have up to 15 hours of employment a week.
I earn minimum wage.
Tell me again how the UK are progressive with allowing working class people to get a higher education, because right now I don’t see it.
#don’t mind me just had an argument about this today#someone was trying to tell me that there are so many grants and funding available for low income people to go on and do postgrad education#and that it’s actually easier now for low income people to do postgrad than higher income people#and I just had to stare at him like…last weeks paycheck doesn’t cover my train tickets for next week#I genuinely don’t know what I’m going to do.#luckily I’m not in on Friday because I have the doctors so that’s £30 I don’t have to worry about#but the fact that despite it being cheaper than living on or near campus I’m still having to pay £150-£160 a week on transport#and I’m having to spend 5 hours a day commuting#obviously means it’s easier for me to do my postgrad than if I had a stable financial backing#the funny thing is that the loan isn’t even means tested at postgrad so everyone gets the same amount.#fucking bullshit#admittedly my degree is two years full time which is why it costs more but I’d argue that in a just world that should mean I’m entitled to#double the student loan#god I’m so fucking tired#hey kids don’t have dreams and aspirations. they cost too fucking much#admittedly I don’t have to tell uni that I’m picking up extra shifts#but also. I don’t have the time or energy to pick up extra shifts
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The cool thing about a horror movie that takes place in a mental hospital and, shockingly, actually turns out to be on the side of mentally ill people is that it avoids all the common disgusting pitfalls of mocking, demonizing, and infantilizing mentally ill people.
The downside is
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
[It's much scarier.]
#original#smile movie#smile 2022#I'm literally two scenes in#it could definitely become ableist by the end of the movie but I'm kind of obsessed so far?#like nothing is scarier to me than the lack of quality help and validation available to victims of trauma! and this movie is LEANING INTO IT#which is way scarier and also way truer and more important to talk about than a looney bin filled with lunatics who want to murder you#like that's literally a concept based solely on people's ableist fears.#same with horror movie monsters that are just people with facial deformities or congenital disorders or just... people who are poor#(the hillbilly cannibal trope is just MAN POOR PEOPLE ARE SCARY HUH. it's garbage.)#what's ACTUALLY a horror is the way these people are treated! and that INCLUDES how they are portrayed in media!#because guess what? ghosts aren't real and an abandoned mental hospital can't hurt you#but you know what can? a doctor who doesn't believe you. a system built on neglect. THAT'S the horror we need to talk about.#and THAT is why I am going to have to watch this movie in short installments over a few days#and let me be clear: i am alive today bc of a mental hospital's IOP/PHP program. i stopped being suicidal after YEARS bc of that program#mental hospitals CAN and SHOULD be GOOD THINGS ACTUALLY. but in countries with shitty healthcare that's very hard to find.#it is also why it is my life's work to build a treatment center that PROVES we can do this ethically and with compassion#life is worth living#and the American Healthcare industry can die just the same as any other giant or dragon. empires have fallen before. it is not immortal.#YOU reading this matter. stay safe. please. it isn't the end yet. i love you.
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I mean rn I wish you would write a fic w a description of 11089 so I can draw them 👉👈 :lookingaway:
bold of you to assume i even know what they look like alsjfjgljdksk
things i know about 11089’s appearance (revealed to me as if receiving prophecy):
1) You know those posts about how the ultimate image of androgyny in our society ends up being people who are skinny and hairless and sexless? so there’s our starting point, the horror story of that being forced upon you because it’s more useful for you to be as similar to the rest of the crew as possible because then you can simply be quantified by the amount of resources you can provide versus those you take. because every single time i think about this spaceship, it becomes an even more dystopian situation because how else would they survive when they were underprepared and have no way of getting help.
1a) what i’m saying is there’s a very good reason they’re instantly fascinated by visual modes of self-expression like dyeing hair. (similarly fascinated by other bodily changes, whether natural, like when Donna gets a burst of freckles across her face when she’s been out in the sun, or unnatural, absolutely transfixed by piercings and good for them.)
1b) they are going to be so much better off once they’re living on the TARDIS and can put on some weight and some muscle from running around with aliens and let their hair grow out all fluffy and uneven (and eventually accidentally turn it orange through hair bleach mishaps and keep it that way)
2) related, but they tend to prefer bright colors on other people rather then themself, for the most part. fun sometimes but attention-grabbing in a way that layered shades of gray are less so. so however they dress, it’s with a trend towards darker colors with little splashes of brightness from accessories or such.
3) set in stone for me now is the idea that where this story ends up going is ‘Someone Has To Keep An Eye On Donna And Her Completely Human Friend, John Smith’. If a Donna can’t survive being a human metacrisis or whatever with all the Doctor’s memories in her little human brain, why should Ten 2.0 be any different. Donna gets mindwiped, but Ten Again goes voluntarily to keep living, to stay near her, a measure that will mean if her memory starts itching her about some ‘Doctor’, she’ll associate his face with John instead and stop digging.
Which wraps back around to 11089 because I’m now very attached to Another Ten getting FOB watched and 11089 wearing it on a chain at all times. It’s definitely a totally normal and reasonable burden for them to carry their friends’ lives around their neck. this is very healthy behavior and does NOT show a lack of ability to set boundaries in situations that will end up hurting them or a need to prove that they can be useful that overrides everything else. they’re fine. this will not end up going horribly wrong as the guilt of hiding these things from people they love gnaws at them, and they start looking for any other solution only to find dead end after dead end and get desperate enough to start thinking ‘well, if the doctor couldn’t figure it out, maybe if we had another timelord-’
3a) but that’s not important. what’s important is watch on a chain that they can never ever open.
#PART FOUR) in the super secret self-indulgent third act of this story that only exists in my brain. they end up getting injured a lot.#you know because of the [REDACTED] after jumping into the [REDACTED] to avoid the consequences of their actions.#fun thing about not being at the future seasons of doctor who yet is that i can just make shit up with the information i have available#does later seasons contradict it? probably. but im not there yet so its my town babyyy. the entirety of the secret third act that is only#canon to this OC on tuesdays and thursdays is that i don’t know so im making shit up.#which means until im proven otherwise i can imagine that 11089 gets to spend a decade in [REDACTED] with [REDACTED] learning basic#boundary setting. because they hate him. and also becoming a worse person to survive. and getting some fun scars along the way.#we are so far from the basic premise of ‘oc who falls in love with rose’ its so funny to me. that is still a thing that happens its just.#theres More here now#ask#dw oc
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As well as the voice work for which he's probably best known, David Graham also made fairly regular onscreen performances in all manner of old TV, particularly in the first half of his career.
Also, a lesser known role of his - and one seen by millions of people - was as the face (and voice, of course) of Big Brother in Apple Macintosh's iconic 1984 advertisement;
#david graham#rip#the saint#the avengers#doctor who#crossroads to crime#1984#that ad is a part of pop culture history; I'm guessing a fair amount of tumblr's userbase is too young to know about it‚ hell i wasn't born#in 1984‚ but the ripples of that ad were still being felt when i was young. not perhaps the first major Event ad (I'd Like to Buy the#World a Coke predates it by more than a decade) but this was still unproven ground in terms of scope (the budget was nearly a million#dollars‚ it was directed by Ridley damn Scott‚ it was a one minute ad during Superbowl xviii‚ the most expensive commercial airtime#available) and in presentation (the high concept; the fact that the ad was shown nationally just once and never repeated‚ adding to its#mystique). there's some debate about exactly how much it cost‚ actually‚ but that money wasn't being seen by the actors involved#(Graham probably made $25 a day for his work on one of the most famous commercials of all time)#variously considered a groundbreaking move towards highbrow advertising or the most soulless‚ faux intellectual example of insidious#capitalism in action; regardless it was a Real Moment and i doubt many people realise David was the face of it
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This is like the ideal big finish writing
#Tenth doctor#Dalek Universe#Of course I'm fairly certain the original idea for dalek universe was an eighth doctor story#Which probably explains why Lucie/8das is vaguely haunting the narrative#And I say it was eight because on the interviews for DU 1 they say the idea for dalek universe has been kicking around for a while and also#That tennant being available was very last minute ergo it was originally intended for a diff doctor#Z
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#ok now i’m just complaining but money is so tight it sucks i have so much i need to do#and i’ve had such a fun month and have a fun week ahead but it’s like summer is barreling forward and i’m looking over a cliff’s edge#of uncertainty. and it is absolutely imperative i have stable housing by dec - jan#if i end up being able to more or less couch surf and pay very little through the fall i could maybe rent an airbnb for 2 months in winter#or like. a month#i want to keep considering buying a house but i need to save more money first & i don’t want to scramble into that choice desperately#but there’s no reliable way to predict what’s will be available#i don’t think a choice you make backed into a corner is an actual choice yknow#also i owe a friend like 250 bucks rn bc we planned a bday trip and like 2/3rds of the group bailed and i’m just like. ah!!!#i almost made a doctors appointment earlier in the summer and i’m glad i didn’t at this point
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#nothing like being in varying states of pain for a few years - sometimes less#sometimes more but always there - and being too exhausted to go to a doctor about it bc everyone around you says you just need to do yoga &#the only way ur job will accommodate is by giving u the less staffed late shift so u can go in the morning and ur so exhausted youd rather#just deal eith the pain like u already have been doing for years#to moving to a job that actually allows u to leave early for medical reasons if you can get the essentials done#then phoning the gp with hope & motivation for the first time in a long time#and being told lol no appointments left until july#i had hope for once i really did 🥲 my friend is a pt & said i might have fibromyalgia and i really really dont want it to be that bc that#means i have a chronic illness with no cure but i looked it up and just. every single symptom was a check for me#and i started thinking if i do have it ill have it whether im diagnosed or not & if i dont then thats good to know too? & psyched myself up#for the phone call and. ugh it really hit me#she said to do their online service. tried and it said no appointments available. tried nhs online. it said make an appointment with ur gp#within the next few days 🥲 back to giving up and just bearing the pain and never mentioning it bc i'll just get told it's my own fault bc#i didnt go yoga ig#just needed to rant into the void for a bit sigh#time to go back into work i guess#*#UGH I JUST GOT MY PERIOD TOO#also like. this isn't to say i do have chronic pain it could be something easily solved#and id be delighted if it was#but i hate how the people around me trivialise it like. it's not normal to have intense pain and stiffness from sitting down/standing for#the duration of one train stop ok it's not. it's not normal to feel sharp jolts of pain through my body every time i cough or sneeze.#every part of my body aches! literally from my head to my toes! they dont do toe yoga!#okay enough back into the fray
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you know what actually it was very fucked up that even when i was in the ""healthy"" weight range i was still being pressured by my doctors to lose weight because my bmi was on the upper end of the range and not the lower end. like.
what the fuck was up with that.
#tw weight#tw body issues#it wasn't even like 'oh you're bordering on overweight let's work on that'#it was that i was slightly above the middle of the range#and they pressured me to ''''start thinking about my health''''#despite the fact that i was literally physically active and eating balanced meals#what the fuck#and it all just has me#very scared about today#because i'm still in the process of recovering from basically being trapped in a single room#chained to my desk due to school and work#with no access to a kitchen or a fridge#for roughly five years#i've started focusing on eating more fresh foods again#with plenty of fish and veggies#and i got myself an exercise bike so i could cycle at home#instead of relying on both my partner and i being available to hike or walk#but like#what if my doctor doesn't take that seriously#what if they just shame me for not already being fit#what if they act like i'm just making excuses and lying to them#u gh hghh it's so scary and i hate to do it but i have to go or else the horror is going to literally ruin my life#i hate fatphobia in the medical industry i hate fatphobia in the medical industry i hate fatphobia in the medical industry a a a a a
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🤞 if all goes well (which it doesn't often but who knows!!!) i should be able to get my adhd meds tomorrow 🤞
#i was supposed to be increasing my focalin dose. my pharmacy hasn't been able to get the new dose but they have my old one#my pharmacist said to wait until this morning bc he was expecting a shipment today but the shipment didn't have any focalin (shocker 🙄)#so i had to message my doctor asking for a prescription for the lower dosage and i know she normally works short hours fridays#nevermind the fact it's the friday before christmas#but she got back to me an hour ago and called in the prescription for the lower dose 🙌#it hasn't been working great but it's better than not being on any meds at all#my pharmacist told me i'm the only person who has been on the lower focalin dose sooo it should still be available tomorrow morning 🤞#if not. well i had already mentally prepared to spend my entire long weekend being a potato on my couch#this is only a bandaid bc my pharmacy only has 40 pills & the low dose focalin is on backorder too but y'all i am living 1 month to the nex#m.txt
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wish me luck banana bros im going to see a psychiatrist i hope she says i do have the trans disease
#im shaking im worried she will refuse me or smthing#theres only 3 doctors that deal with this and one didnt have any available appointments this year and other doesnt take people from this#part of the country so i chose a third one that the first one didnt even mention (she was trying to help me find a substitute)#thoughts are being thunk
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