#I cooked a proper meal the other day and it genuinely put me in so much pain

[theamberfist]

Stinkin' Doctors | Grandma Susan + Reader

Familial! Grandma Susan + Grandchild Reader

Description: Rosie has implemented a new rule in Cannibal Town where everyone must attend yearly checkups at the doctors' to stay healthy. And lucky you: as Susan's grandchild, you get to be the one to drag her to hers.

(Notes: CW cannibalism, death, bad parents, creepy doctors) (gender neutral reader) (Reader is Susan's grandchild from when she was alive)

Words: 3,721

"You're kidding." You breathed as you leaned over the desk of the beautiful cannibal overlord, who also happened to be one of your dearest friends. "Every year?" Rosie simply nodded as she signed off on a few of the papers in front of her. The emporium hadn't even opened yet, but after receiving her call that morning, you'd rushed over in what was definitely not a panic to speak with her. 

"I need everyone in Cannibal Town to stay healthy, darling," she explained for the second time, "These appointments are just extra precaution; everyone will have them." You swallowed. That may have been true, but everyone wasn't your grandmother. 

"I get that," you sighed, running a hand through your hair, "But how am I supposed to get Grams to agree to that? We couldn't even convince her to see a doctor when she was on her death bed in life!" Rosie knew better than anyone just how stubborn your grandma could be, but she also knew that if there was one person who could get past her prickly nature to convince her, it was you.

"I know you can do it." She said with a reassuring smile now, "Even the meanest old lady's gotta listen to her grandchild sometimes; especially if they're as darling as you!" She reached up to pinch your cheek, which promptly grew slightly red from embarrassment. Your parents hadn't ended up in hell, which you had thought made your grandmother the only family you really had down here, but it was at times like this when you  realized that might not be so true. 

"Fine." You sighed, pushing away from the desk, "But don't have too much faith in me! Grams hates doctors." Rosie giggled as you headed for the door, already trying to come up with a way to break the news to your grandma. 

"Thank you!" She called genuinely as you left the emporium. She'd make it up to you later; maybe with a nicely cooked meal for your troubles. After all, if worst came to worst, Susan would listen to her if no one else, but she had confidence that as Cannibal Town's designated Susan-Wrangler, you could get her to her appointment on your own- and that it would be quite an entertaining process. 

..........

"Where are we goin'?" Susan asked for what was probably the seventh time in the last ten minutes as you lead her by the arm down the street. "First ya show up to my place uninvited, and then ya drag me out before the sun's even up without telling me why!" You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. 

"It's afternoon, Grandma," You calmly told her. Rosie had carefully made her appointment time a later one since she knew the old woman would pitch a fit at having been woken up early. "And we don't exactly have a proper sun here, anyway." 

"There ya go now, back talkin' me!" Susan spat, though she didn't let go of your arm, "Kids these days with their poor attitudes!" 

You sighed, putting on a bright smile as the two of you passed some familiar faces on the street. They waved and you returned the gesture in an attempt to keep some sort of positive relationship with the other cannibals; despite the old woman on your arm. 

"Sorry, Grandma." You replied finally, "But to answer your question; we're going to see the doctor, like I told you earlier." Of course, Susan hadn't exactly been listening when you'd mentioned that; picking the opportune moment of her meticulously choosing her parasol for the day to offhandedly explain it. 

She stopped in her tracks now; a flicker of fear hitting her eyes before she let go of you and crossed her arms over her chest with a defiant expression. 

"Like hell we are!" She snarled, "I don't needa see no filthy doctor!" You sighed; this had been the difficult part you'd anticipated. Well, one of them, anyway. 

"Grandma, it's okay," You tried to assure her, reaching for her elbow even as she began to shuffle away, "It's just a checkup; Rosie scheduled it for us." 

"I don't need anyone checking up anything of mine!" Susan shouted and you winced at how bad that sentence sounded, "Especially no stinkin' doctor!" Ignoring the fact that she'd literally been married to a 'stinkin' doctor' once while alive, you tried to remain patient. 

"It's just to make sure you're healthy and that nothing's wrong that we don't know about," you explained carefully, "Rosie's having everyone do it once a year now to keep us safer." Seeing that she still wouldn't budge, you took a step forward before adding, "And I'll be there the whole time, okay?"

Susan neither agreed nor disagreed but allowed you to gently take her arm once again and continue leading her down the street. Of course, that didn't come without its share of complaints either. 

"A checkup," she repeated more to herself than anything, "A damn checkup! What a stupid idea; everyone knows ya only go to the doctor if you're fucking sick!" You weren't sure whether she meant 'sick' as in a physical or mental illness, but when it came to your grandmother, it was best not to guess. She turned her gaze to you now as the two of you kept walking. "And I ain't sick!" 

"I know, Grandma," You replied, "That'll make the appointment even shorter, then!" Your words seemed to do little to comfort her though, because she continued muttering about how stupid this all was and how 'that filthy doctor would be lucky if she didn't bite his arm off when he got close' all the way to the clinic. 

Finally, you arrived and managed to drag Susan through the door despite her shouts of protest. You knew her anger wasn't directed towards you, though, but rather the situation itself. 

It was hard to tell, and if you weren't paying close attention you really could miss it, but she was nicer to you than anybody else in hell. Sure, she still made demeaning remarks and yelled at you often, but when it came down to it, you were her grandchild; the only thing her own kid had ever given her besides a headache, she'd once said. 

Now inside, you brought your grandma up to the counter even as she resisted your gentle pull of her arm. 

"Hi," you smiled brightly at the receptionist, whose eyes widened at the sight of the old woman beside you. Susan was extremely well-known throughout Cannibal Town, and sometime before you'd ended up in hell, had managed to gain the respect of nearly all its residents. You couldn't exactly blame them, though; underneath it all, you greatly respected her too.

It was her who'd stepped up to raise you in life when your parents had turned out to be bums, after all; taking responsibility for what her own child wouldn't. 

"Hello," the receptionist, whose black eyes matched everyone else in the cannibal colony, managed to regain her composure now, "Do you have an appointment?" 

"No, we came here to snack on some organ donations." Susan said sarcastically; a joke that would have landed better, if not for the surgical center being located in the same building. 

"Yes." You replied quickly, trying to sidestep your grandmother's rudeness. You'd long since given up on trying to get her to be any more polite than that; especially in a situation like this where she already didn't want to be here. 

The receptionist nodded before grabbing a clipboard with a small packet of paper attached. "Please fill this out and have a seat." You took the clipboard form her with a nod and then dragged Susan over to a set of chairs as far from the rest of the waiting room as you could possibly get. 

Once you were seated, you held the clipboard out to the old woman. "Now they're givin' homework; just great." She grumbled but took it anyway. 

"They just want to know your health history so they can properly treat you." You explained.

"And how is that any of their business?" Susan replied as she looked down at the paper. She squinted as you waited patiently for her fill it out. A second later, she dropped the clipboard on her lap with an irritated grumble. "They made the damn words too small!" She exclaimed as she crossed her arms, "I can't even see 'em." 

You sighed, taking the clipboard from her and looking it over. "They want you to sign your name here," you pointed to an empty line as you handed the pen back to her expectantly. She grumbled some more but did as you said, nonetheless. "And then here's a list of ailments. They want you to check the ones that affect you." 

"None; I ain't sick!" Susan exclaimed. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes once again and left the boxes blank. "The next questions are about your after-lifestyle," you explained, "They want to know how often you smoke, whether or not you drink; stuff like that." 

"Never." Your grandma said with a huff but you narrowed your eyes at her. Having seen both her smoking and drinking habits since ending up in hell, you knew that was a blatant lie. "Fine." She practically spat, "Twice a week." You nodded but checked the box labeled 'most days' instead. It was a more accurate representation of how she lived, anyway. 

You struggled through the health history questions next. Since your grandmother had rarely ever been to the doctors' even in life, she'd never exactly been diagnosed with anything, and claimed that therefore meant she'd been perfectly healthy, despite having died to one of her unknown ailments because she refused to get it checked in the first place. 

Finally, the paperwork was finished and you brought it over to the receptionist, who told you they'd call you back when they were ready. As you made your way back to the waiting area, you could hear Susan still grumbling rather loudly. 

"We better not be payin' for this shit." She threatened as you shook your head.

"We aren't, Grandma. It's part of Rosie's new program." You were well aware of the fact that the old woman didn't exactly stay up to date on current events but she nodded as if she knew what that meant anyway.

After a few minutes, you managed to tune out her muttering as you brought out a book to read while you waited. You knew better than to use a phone within the sight of your grandma, and this way, she wouldn't be able to complain about 'youth's these days' and how things had been better back when she was young. 

You were met with a few, brief moments of peace before she suddenly nudged you in the shoulder, causing you to look up from your book. "What is it?" You asked, noticing her expression was even more venomous than usual. She pointed at the receptionist's desk.

"Look at them," she said under her breath, "the nerve of some people." You held back a comment about her own nerve as you looked to the direction in which she was pointing, where a man sinner you assumed to be the doctor based on his white coat was chatting with the receptionist. He was leaning over her desk, both elbows resting on the wood as he propped his face up with his hands. 

"What?" You asked, turning back to your grandmother, "They're just talking." Though, the scene progressed a moment later as the doctor leaned in and planted a kiss on the receptionist's lips; gazing at her with lovesickness in his black eyes. 

Susan practically growled beside you and it was only then that you remembered the story of what had happened between her and your grandpa; the doctor. You'd never met the man in life but it seemed that past betrayal was setting her off now. 

"Stinkin' doctors..." She mumbled, grabbing a magazine from the table nearby in order to seem less interested in the situation than she was.

"Maybe they're a couple." You suggested, noticing the doctor wore a wedding ring on his left hand, "It's normal for them to kiss." Susan's eyes were practically shot daggers as she looked towards the name tag on the woman's desk, which had a different last name than the one on the doctor's name tag. 

"Maybe they kept their separate last names." You said with a shrug before going back to your book, "Either way, it's really none of our business." Your grandmother just glared down at her magazine.

"The nerve of some people..."

It wasn't until ten minutes later that Susan's name was finally called by the receptionist now that they were ready for her. The doctor was still waiting by the desk but gave you a warm smile as you stood from your chair and took your grandmother's arm once again. She seemed even less enthusiastic about this appointment than before, if that was even possible, but only presented minimal struggling as you dragged her to the hallway door. 

Behind you, someone else entered the clinic but you couldn't be bothered to care who it was; your first priority being to get your grandma to her checkup. You glanced back at the doctor, who waved you off.

"Room 3," he said, "I'll be with you in just a moment." And with that, he turned back to the desk, where another woman sinner was now standing with what looked like a cutely decorated lunchbox in hand. 

Finally, you dragged Susan through the doors, ignoring her keen interest in the group as you made your way to the room. It took nearly all your strength to get her inside, but eventually, the two of you sat on the patient's bed together with the examination room's door closed as you awaited the doctor. 

"If that fuckin' prick comes at me with a needle I'm biting his ear off." Your Grandma spat beside you.

"You're not supposed to get a shot today, so it should be fine, Grams." You told her with a sigh. You were beginning to run low on patience for the old woman by now, so it was a good thing the appointment would start soon. 

"You know the asshole's cheating on his wife?" Susan said suddenly, a scary glow in her eyes that made you shiver. 

"How do you know that?" You asked, knowing she was referring to the doctor. 

"You saw him getting hot and heavy with that receptionist!" Susan replied as if it were obvious, "But his actual wife just came in and brought him lunch. She had a ring and everything." She shook her head, "The nerve..." 

You weren't sure what to say about that, knowing your grandmother's personal stake in the matter. You supposed that was why the following words left your mouth.

"What was in the lunch?" 

Susan gave you a luck that warned against testing her like this but she answered your question anyway. "Skewered eyeballs." She replied, "And freshly baked fingers. She musta worked on those all mornin' just for that fucker to turn around and get with someone else." You sighed.

"That's too bad." What else were you supposed to say? You had enough on your plate already just from trying not to let your grandma run right out of the clinic. 

The rest of your time waiting for the doctor was spent in silence until he finally knocked on the door and both you and Susan stiffened as he entered. 

"Sorry about the wait!" The cannibal doctor exclaimed as he pulled up a rolling stool, "Now, Susan, I understand this is your first checkup with us?" 

"That's Miss Susan to you." The old woman replied and the doctor's smile faltered just a bit.

"Right..." he replied, glancing at you. You offered nothing more than a shrug so he turned back to his clipboard, "It looks like for your medical history you just wrote 'fuck you, you filthy doctor.' Can you tell me more about that?" Susan opened her mouth to speak, glad to have the chance to rip into the other sinner, but you quickly interjected.

"She didn't really go to the doctor much when we were alive," You explained, "So we weren't sure of any formal diagnoses." 

"Okay." The man replied as he noted that down, "And may I ask who you are?" There was a gleam of amusement in his eyes as he did so but you ignored it.

"Her grandkid," you told him simply. Although you'd opted to ignore the man's clear interest in you, it seemed Susan had chosen a different route. 

"So stop eyein' em up, buster!" She exclaimed. The doctor ignored her though; not focused on you. 

"It was very kind of you to take her to her appointment like this," he commented, making you feel slightly less comfortable in the room. 

"It's not a big deal..." You replied awkwardly before clearing your throat, "Now could we maybe hurry this along? Grams isn't fond of appointments like this." 

"Of course," The doctor replied, flashing his sharp white teeth at you, "I promise your grandmother will receive the best care we can give her." That seemed to finally be enough for Susan because she suddenly shouted.

"Oh yeah? How do we know you aren't gonna break that promise like ya did to your wife!" 

Silence filled the room then as the man's gaze turned to her; his eyes wide at having been caught in the act. "Now quit chatting up my grandkid and get on with it!" Susan continued, gesturing for him to hurry up, "Or am I gonna have to rip off one of your arms too?" 

The doctors swallowed harshly before nodding and getting on with his duties. The rest of the appointment was filled with awkward silence, aside from Susan's occasional rude comments. Once everything was done, the doctor informed you that your grandmother was completely healthy and then handed you a note to give Rosie as confirmation that the appointment had been successful. 

With that, he saw you into the waiting room where the receptionist scheduled the next year's appointment and you were finally done. Susan had become significantly less frustrated with being in a doctor's office after dropping that bombshell earlier but at this point you were too tired and hungry to care.  

You lead her by the arm back to the street now, only to nearly bump into a sinner you hadn't seen before the second you reached the sidewalk. Slightly disoriented, you were already bracing yourself for the string of curses that would inevitably leave your Grandmother's lips from the nerve of whoever it was that hadn't been watching where they were going.

However, to your surprise, she didn't say anything at all. Instead, she looked up at the sinner, whom you just now realized happened to be the woman you'd seen in the clinic earlier. 

A satisfied expression made its way onto Susan's face and you knew what she was going to say before she even spoke. 

"Your husband's cheating on you." The old woman said matter-of-factly, "A filthy doctor and an ugly receptionist; what a pair!" The woman's eyes widened but Susan just pulled you along before she could reply and soon enough you were far enough away that you could no longer hear her screams of anger and confusion. 

It was at this point that you gave up trying to control your grandmother. The cat was already out of the bag, and if you were being honest, the woman being cheated on had had a right to know the truth. Susan seemed very pleased with herself now; maybe because she gained some sense of fulfillment from her actions that she hadn't received in life when she found herself in a similar position. 

"Grandma," you finally said once the two of you were only a few blocks from her home, "I'm...Sorry about what Grandpa did to you." 

She froze. It was a topic the two of you had never discussed before; you'd always been too afraid of her anger to bring it up, but after being confronted with a similar situation today, it felt like the right time. 

Finally, the old woman seemed to regain her composure because she kept walking. "Don't call him that," she said, though there was no anger in her tone, only...sadness? "Ya never even met the asshole." You shrugged.

"But he still hurt you." You said, "That's what-"

"-Your parents told you, yeah yeah." Susan replied, waving your concern off, "Sure he did, but he was a hell of a lot smarter than that doctor." She pointed in the direction of the clinic, "That's why when I caught him cheating on me I ate them both."

...And the touching moment had been destroyed. You chuckled, though, knowing the only reason your grandmother had been so opposed to visiting the doctor was because it reminded her of her ex-husband. Though, it seemed she'd been able to work through some of those feelings today by ensuring another couple discovered the ruins of their own marriage. 

"Does this mean next year you'll be okay going to your appointment again?" You asked hopefully now that the two of you had reached the gates outside of your grandmother's house.

"Don't push it." She replied, letting go of your arm and heading for the house without so much as a goodbye. You shook your head, knowing she still cared for you regardless of how often she showed it. That much had been clear when she went off on the doctor for your sake but also refrained from murdering him for your sake. 

You were about to turn and head to your own home for the night when a familiar voice called out to you. You looked back to see Susan standing on her porch holding the her front door open. 

"Ya look like ya haven't eaten in a month!" She said with a scowl, "How's about you come inside for a proper meal?" A smile made its way onto your lips at that and you nodded, turning around to head for the house. Susan kept the door open, allowing you to enter as she hid her delight behind her usual resting-bitch-face. 

Though, as you spoke again, her lips couldn't help but curve upwards just slightly. 

"Thanks, Grandma."

[legacyshenanigans]

Would MC ever try and surprise Marvolo in ways that weren’t sexual? Like for instance we know he loves sweets but has the boy ever had a proper home cooked meal (given he’s probably got house elfs and magic)? If she ever did try and do something nice for him I imagine he’d complain or question most of the way but would she ever go above and beyond and him genuinely appreciate it?

I'm using your ask to post this, as it was something I was thinking about doing 💜 and it fits this ask I feel 💚💚

So here's some fluffy fluff. 💓

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marvolo x MC

Forever 💚

MC lead Marvolo through the Forbidden forest by the hand,

Marvolo: MC..Where are you actually taking me? 

MC: You'll see, i told you, its a surprise. *smiles*

Marvolo: *narrows his eye's at her*

They reached a little private area, a small flower patch between a few large trees. MC took out her wand. Marvolo spoke out in a teasing tone

Marvolo: Is it finally happening? Have you brought me out to the middle of the woods to kill me? Have you grown sick of me? *chuckles*

MC: *clicks her tongue in mild irritation but giggles* Don't be silly.

MC waved her wand over the area, revealing her surprise which she'd hidden with Magic, a table and two chairs appears, with floating candles, a spread of delectable meats and cheeses, fresh fruit, expensive wine, fancy crackers and breads. She looked at Marvolo and gave him a sweet smile

MC: Here we are.

Marvolo couldn't help but give her a little sweet grin of his own.

Marvolo: This is.. Perfect.

MC: I thought we could just sit, eat together, chat and laugh, and just forget about everything else for a while.

Marvolo: *small chuckle* I'd like that..

The pair sat together for hours, it was a really beautiful and peaceful night, MC felt like they hadn't done anything like this for a while, and was really enjoying herself, Marvolo seemed to be too. MC reached down to a little basket she had on the floor, picking up a cupcake she'd made for him.

MC: I tried to make your favourite, the pink cupcakes you love so much *giggles* But refuse to eat around other people.

Marvolo looked at the cute pink cupcake in her hand, she'd put a heart shaped sweet on the top of it, which made him give her a wide genuine grin as he took the cake from her hand.

Marvolo: You're...*sigh* So cute at times...You make me feel mushy...*cheeky smirk* Ruins my image, you know?

MC: *giggles*

Marvolo picked the heart shaped sweet from atop the cake, and looked at it for a moment, before turning to MC, bringing it to her lips, MC giggled and opened her mouth as Marvolo popped the sweet in there with a smile, before he ate his cupcake.

Marvolo: Delicious, you made this?

MC: Mhm *blushes*

Marvolo: *smirk* Well..I didn't realise you were so good at baking cakes, I think I prefer yours to the ones from the shops.

MC: I'm glad *sweet grin*

The pair chatted again for a while longer, MC had now made her way over to him and was sat on his lap, his arm tightly around her as they continued to chuckle and joke with one another and drink their wine. Marvolo put down his glass and stood, lifting her up with him, before gently setting her down.

Marvolo: I was glad you asked me to do this with you tonight....I'd been looking forward to this surprise since you'd mentioned it a few days ago.

MC: *blushes* I'm glad you liked it, I'm having fun. It's been really lovely.

Marvolo took hold of her hands and looked down at her.

Marvolo: I know I'm not..Romantic, all the time.

MC: I dont need you to be *sweet grin*

Marvolo: But you deserve it, you deserve the world, I'd give you the world if I could.

MC: I don't need the world..Just you.

She really brought out the softness in him, and although he still wasn't used to it, he didn't mind showing it to her once in a while, and only her. Marvolo smiled as he let out an almost shakey breath.

Marvolo: You own my heart... And you may have me...Forever.

Marvolo reached into his pocket and got down on one knee, MC let out a soft gasp, looking down at him in slight shock. He presented her with a black velvet box, opening it, to reveal a white gold ring with a large centre black diamond, with white diamonds on either side, and a circle of small diamonds around the centre stone, it was so elegant and stunning. He smiled up at her.

Marvolo: Would you do me the greatest of honours? And...Be my wife, MC?

A tear rolled down MCs cheek, she smiled so big her cheeks hurt.

MC: Of course I will! Yes! More than anything!

She'd never seen a smile on Marvolos face quite like this one, he slid the ring onto her finger and stood, picking her up in his arms again, she giggled as he kissed her.

Marvolo: You've just made me a very happy man, my love... *whispers* My everything..

~

[atranswomansdiary]

Day 156

November 8, 2020

“Dies ist der Morgen danach Und meine Seele liegt brach Dies ist der Morgen danach Ein neuer Tag beginnt Und meine Zeit verrint”

So, yeah: it is the morning after.

Things went well, I guess? Not as I expected at all but, in retrospect, I don’t know what the fuck was I thinking about when I imagined things going, let’s put it this way, “smoothly” when it is about things that concern me.

First things first: of course that one of my siblings forgot what I had asked and fucking missed the family meeting! She was kind of apologetic, saying that she really, absolutely had to meet with her boyfriend this very day, but it was still a shitty thing to do, in my opinion. If someone who never does so asks you, explicitly and ahead of time, to please be present for something, I think the least you can do is either commit to it or say outright that you won’t be there. I imagine that she didn’t want to be there because she didn’t want to be part of the family drama? I don’t know and, to be honest, I don’t think it really matters. I don’t think her presence would’ve changed the outcome or the others' reactions.

When I found out about them not being there, I had to make a decision. Either I canceled the whole thing or I moved forward. I decided to be respectful to my other sisters (and to my parents) and just go ahead with the thing.

We ate some lunch, had some chit-chat, and then the time came for me to open up and tell them the reason for the family meeting. Instead of going for some kind of preface or explanation, I chose to go for the Aristotelian line of reasoning. In other words: I started with the conclusion.

So I told them what I had told my (remaining and former) friends: “I’m considering transitioning”.

Let’s start with the positive stuff. My younger sister’s reaction was almost everything I could have hoped for. She asked me the usual questions—”Are you sure? Have you considered whether you're just gay?” Etc.—and, once I reassured them that yes, I was sure of at least considering the possibility, she seemed to be onboard. No drama there—at least not for now.

Speaking of drama: my dad cried. Like a lot. And he never cries. It shocked me and it really threw me off, but it was at least an emotional reaction, and he said it was because he was imagining my suffering. Of course I cried during this part as well. And if that had been all, if this was the full report, I’d say that it went OK. Could’ve been better, but it could’ve been way worse too.

And then we come to the subject of my mom.

Being completely transparent here, this was the reaction that matter to me the most. Not because I love her more than my dad or my sisters, but because she’s the one I have the closest relationship with. We talk almost every day over the phone and we have long conversations. She genuinely cares for me and my well-being, and does everything in her power to help me. She sends me frozen meals cooked by her, she washes my clothes (and sometimes irons them, against my protestations), and is all around just there for me, you know?

And she’s also, in her own words, a Roman Catholic. And a traditionalist and all around conservative. She’s the type of person that complains that life was better before… And she actually means it. She’s not a homophobe, but seeing two homosexuals displaying any signs of affection makes her squirm. She doesn’t practice her religion much… But you wouldn’t know it by listening to her. She is, all in all, a proper baby boomer with a pension that’s a misery but who still thinks that capitalism and our overall system are as good as it's ever going to get.

So now you understand why her reaction was so important to me—and why I dreaded it so much.

I was thinking the other day, trying to see if my memories could help me foresee her reaction… And the results were not great.

I remember two instances where she and I didn’t agree on important issues and it became a problem. The first was about religion—of course! We had many arguments back in the day, when I was young and stupid (I’m no longer young, thank you very much). At one point, it got so bad that I used to either work all weekend or escape to my grandparents’ or a friend’s house in order to avoid arguing with her.

The second time I recall was the time when I told her that I had decided to study philosophy once I was finished with high school. I don’t know why, but she lost it. This time we didn’t argue so much as she just stopped talking to me and looked at me like I had a disease or something for days.

In both instances, things only got better when I gave in. I just stopped saying out loud what I though about religion at home. I kept my ideas in general to myself and to whoever wanted to listen to me. And I didn’t study philosophy after high school.

Come to think of it, there’s another very important thing my mom and I have never agreed upon… And this is the only instance I can think of in which I’ve gone directly against her wishes. My mom doesn’t really like that I’m a writer. She never has. She never asks about it, nor has she never expressed any words of support for me regarding it. In fact, she always asks, “when are you going to get a real job?” whenever she can. And I’ve been pretty serious about writing (at least as much as an asshole like me can be about anything) for the past… Decade? Whoa! Times flies away indeed.

And yet, in spite of her lack of support and constant sabotage, I haven’t given in. And every time she’s been happy because I got a “real job” in the past ten years, for one reason or another, I’ve felt myself dying a little inside.

You can tell I’m delaying the inevitable, can’t you?

So, what happened? Nothing awful. At least not dramatically awful or anything like that. She didn’t disavow of me or ask me to leave, no. She just stood there, by my side, looking straight ahead (and perhaps avoiding looking at me?) and didn’t say a single thing. Not one word came out of her mouth. She didn’t cry like my dad nor asked questions like my sister. She just stood there, stone-faced and seemingly in shock. She said something about it being “my life” and “my business” (or something to that effect) and then avoid talking about it for the rest of the evening.

A part of me wants to believe that she’ll change her attitude regarding this, that maybe one day she’ll say that it’s OK, that she loves me and she’ll embrace me and say something like “I love you just the way you are. I always have and I always will.” Yeah, well, I didn’t say that I was a good writer.

Another part of me, the more cynical or realistic one, tells me that no, that this is it. That I have to continue forward and make my decision—whether to transition or not—regardless of my mom’s support… Or lack thereof. That a decision as important as this one can only be made from my center, from whatever makes me me. That it cannot depend on external approval of any kind, my mom’s included.

So here I am, the morning after, wondering whether this’ll be like religion or me studying philosophy… Or like being a writer. This is perhaps the greatest, cruelest test to my incipient transness. Will I go forward or will I go back? Can I? Today, I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow. Definitely, one day, I hope I will know for sure.

Until then, with love,

ZZ

[eliteseven]

(about consonance) so, spooky month and (I guess) it would be Serena and Shads' first Halloween, do they have any rituals prepared? like watching a horror movie every day, or making themed meals, a costume idea?? I love this month and I'm curious about these two, they're cute. Also, taking advantage of the fact that I rarely make asks here, I'm listening a lot to a band called The Warning, and there's a song that screams Nobleheart to me, it's called 'Show me the light' and I'm addicted to it.

Ooh well firstly, feel free to share anytime you feel like it 🥹💕 i love asks, they prevent me from actually working and that is the sweetest blessing

Some Consonance Spooky Season HC’s:

-Since it’s their first Halloween together I don’t think they’d have a full on house/cottage together yet. Maybe a shared apartment (I think they would live with the hallowleafs part of the time too tbh, but I do see them having their own shared space)

-I feel like Jen is super into the season (goes hand in hand with Shadowheart, tbh) ! Serena, being from the coast and all, hasn’t experienced proper seasons (at least since her mother passed, and the spirit of the holidays went with her….) and Jen is so eager to show her, especially now that she’s happy and Shar-less 🥹💕

-The domesticity??? Decorating their place together, spending chilly mornings bundled between the blankets??? Or Jen wrapping her scarf around Serena’s neck and drawing her in for kisses when they’re on walks? Having a pumpkin carving competition and flinging pumpkin innards at each other like stupid kids 🤭

-Jen being a fiend for horror movies- they watch one every night of the month. Serena doesn’t love them 😅 i don’t think she’s scared, tbh…let’s just say she didn’t really have the holiday spirit, prior to Jen, living alone. Jen kinda loves the adrenaline rush and it’s the perfect excuse to burrow into Serena’s warmth 😏 (not that she needs one).

Eventually, Jen inevitably gets distracted, or bored…. and suddenly remembers what (or whom) she’d rather be doing…😮‍💨 Tav loves movie night lmao

-Holiday cooking/baking!!! Jen can’t cook for shit- Tav isn’t much better, but she actually learns from Emmeline. Jen looooves to linger in the kitchen and distract Tav while she cooks Jen’s favorites. She sings for Tav sometimes 🥺💕 other times they share spiced wine and festive drinks and slow-dance in their kitchen. ….many dishes are burned along the way but neither of them really care. Jen wants to put a ring on this woman so badly, she never got to feel this way with Shar 😭🥰

Bonus: Jen learning that Tav’s mom used to make her holiday cookies (like the cute little pumpkin ones) and she spends an entire day trying to recreate them in some way, despite her atrocious skills in the kitchen. I genuinely think Tav would sob 🥺 she misses her mother every day and the fact that Jen went out of her way to give her a little piece of that happiness again???? Godddd Serena is so sickeningly in love with her, and vice versa.

-Jen debuting a skimpy little piece for a costume and Serena absolutely burning her hand holding whatever dish she was about to serve (worth it). Tav has always hated those corny couples’ costumes and suddenly she is very down to be whatever tf Jen wants. Cop and robber? Fine. Jen wants to be a vampire? Tav is her loyal thrall. Jen wants to be a cowgirl? She’s a damn horse, then 😭 Jen owns her, I’m afraid

-Isobel and Aylin probably throw the best parties, I feel like that’s where they’d be on Halloween, if not out and about touring. Everyone loves seeing Jen back to being social and coming to all the gatherings. She’s just…so happy and light, with Serena. Could def see Karlach and Wyll joining them for a group costume too tbh. (Mystery inc. ft. Their new puppy Scratch, perhaps???😭) I just love their little found family.

-More holiday festivities! Pumpkin patches, haunted houses (another excuse for Jen to hop on Tav’s back), bonfires at the Hallowleaf residence for all their friends 🥹💕 and ofc playing music together around the fire!

Re: “Show me the Light” by the Warning:

How cool!!! A sister trio!!!! 😮 so I gave it a listen and it was really beautiful!!! I like their vocals a lot, but man, the lyrics! I could see it from both of their perspectives, but particularly the “make me a rebel, stealer of your heart” feels like Tav imo, while “hold me please, never leave/need a daily poisoning” is very Shadowheart. That was just my initial interpretation for them though, I love it! I will put it on the NLS/Nobleheart playlist I have! 😁🥰 thank you so much for the rec, I love songs for writing inspo!!!!

[kalpasio]

Old Fashioned

now taking bets for how long it takes me to post this on ao3

A Kalpas x Reader Mafia AU, chapters 7-9 below!

You weren’t really moving per-se, but there were still quite a few boxes that you needed if you were going to survive your stay with Kalpas. Looking up at the column of stairs before you made you nauseous at the thought of climbing them all.

“Please tell me you have an elevator,” you scrunched your eyes closed as though that would make what you wanted appear in front of you.

“Of course I have an elevator,” Kalpas said and then proceeded to start up the steps.

Your eyes opened in shock. “Then why are you taking the stairs?”

“Why wouldn’t I take the stairs?” he almost sounded genuinely confused.

“You have a perfectly good elevator.”

“I have perfectly good legs.”

“Yes, I can see that,” you rolled your eyes, “but that doesn’t explain—” Kalpas left, taking the stairs two at a time while carrying a box that easily weighed more than you did. At least he was helping. About three bags in, he told you to just stay in the apartment and unpack while he grabbed the rest because you were ‘moving too slow’ or something.

For the duration of your stay, you would be in the same room you found the first night. He didn’t give you a tour, but Kalpas didn’t really stop you from wandering around either. The kitchen and entryway you’d seen before, though they looked much larger now that there was proper lighting to see everything.

On the other side of the stairs that led to the bedrooms, was the living room, though it looked more like a clinic. Gauze rolls were on both end tables as well as the coffee table, and the little trashcan next to the couch was overflowing with used bandages. Folded over the backs of the armchairs were towels; one held a stack that was clean, while the other chair held the ones stained crimson. In the back of your mind, you had to wonder how often Kalpas got injured, and how much medical supplies he burned through.

On the other side of the living room was the study, but even from this far away, you could tell it hadn’t been touched in ages. Being tucked next to the stairs, two of the walls were blocked off, but the other two had ornate windows that were so beautiful they could almost distract from the view they provided of the city. Bookshelves lined the one solid wall, but there wasn’t even a full shelf of books on all of them combined.

Back at the main door, you could look straight through to the dinning room and if you thought the office windows were impressive, these were breathtaking. They covered almost the entire length of the wall, offering what was possibly the best view in the world; and stained glass at the tops of each window filtered the light into orange and yellow and pinks that could rival the sunset. Reluctantly turning from the windows, you saw a door that led to the kitchen and Kalpas coming back down the stairs.

Where he was going was none of your business, and it was probably safer if you didn’t know. Despite your obvious staring, he kept his glare focused ahead, refusing to look at you while he slid his suit jacket on and headed out the door. It would be nice to have the place to yourself, except you were essentially trapped. Kalpas hadn’t given you a key. It was your day off, but Hua explicitly told you not to go out on your own and you knew she was too busy to follow you around town doing chores. You almost wished you were working, just to have something to do.

With all this free time, it made sense to cook a meal for Kalpas and yourself, but the idea of playing the role of housewife put a bitter taste in your mouth, even if you did owe him for staying here. You passed the hours by unpacking fully, and eventually you broke down and made dinner. Only because you didn’t want to starve, you told yourself, but the argument wasn’t very convincing. After eating and cleaning the kitchen, you saw the lights around the city turn on through the office windows and found a seat in one of the armchairs in front of the desk.

That’s where Kalpas found you when he came back for the night. The seat was large enough to curl up on, and you had done just that before falling asleep. He went from confused as to why the light was on in the study, to mildly pissed that he had to carry you upstairs (he did not). Afterall, what was the point of dragging all your shit over if you were just going to pass out in a stupid chair.

There was very little effort put into keeping you from waking up, and if the angry muttering didn’t do it, being thrown over a very broad shoulder and having the air punched from your lungs certainly did. Half unconscious, your first reaction was to try and get down, but one hand with an extremely tight grip kept you from getting very far. Once you realized who was holding you like a sack of potatoes, you relaxed, but that didn’t make the ride upstairs any more pleasant. Each step drove Kalpas’ shoulder further into your ribs, and when you finally reached the room, he nearly flung you on the bed before slamming your door and then his.

Living here was going to be so much fun.

In the past, Eden and Elysia would meet at one of their shared establishments. Since you made that cosmopolitan, however, the two girls were spending more time at your bar. Whether or not that was a good thing, you still couldn’t tell. The money lost on free drinks for the both of them was annoying but not horrible, and they made good company when you were bored. On busy days, it took everything in you not to kick them out. Even if Eden wasn’t singing, people came just to be around her, and you didn’t have the patience to deal with Elysia’s teasing.

Having Kalpas there only made things worse. He was no help at distracting the girls, and more often than not, Elysia would annoy him so you would have to step in. Two for the price of one in her eyes. Tonight, she was sitting in the specially reserved ‘Kalpas seat,’ fully intent on pissing him off, and you were debating whether you should withhold the cherry for her drink as punishment. To your surprise, Kalpas said nothing as he entered without Eden and took the stool next to his official spot.

“Is Eden in the back getting ready?” you asked while adding the maraschino cherry to Elysia’s near-blinding pink drink.

“No?” Kalpas gave you a look like you were crazy, causing you to scowl. After two weeks, the two of you still weren’t on the best terms, but he had yet to kick you out, which was a victory in your book. His answer still begged the question: why was Elysia here if not for her friend? Seeing the confusion cross your face, she gave a light laugh and explained.

“I just wanted to see how you were holding up. Heard your apartment flooded,” she brought up the lie you’d given with a wink that practically screamed that she knew. Kalpas was adamantly staying out of this conversation, but your grimace was all Elysia needed for confirmation. “Hua told Sakura, and Pardo overheard and told me.”

“What?” That was a whole lot of names you simply did not know.

“Sakura usually sits over there,” Elysia pointed to one of the tables in a back corner that had ‘suspicious’ written all over it. “Pink hair? Super mysterious. Likes a good bramble.”

“That’s what she drinks?” You knew the regular that sat back there was part of the mafia—both Kalpas and Hua would speak to her when she was in—but every time you offered her something, you were turned down without a word.

“And Pardo always looks like she’s going to cry.”

That could be a lot of people, but there was one person who always came back on her own, even though she left the bar looking traumatized each time. “Piña colada girl?”

Elysia snapped her fingers, “yes! She said that Hua said that you were staying with cranky pants here.” Kalpas certainly fit the definition of ‘cranky pants,’ the comment forcing you to stifle a laugh.

“What about it?” he glared to the left over his shoulder at the girl next to him, and the idea of Kalpas responding to that name made hiding your smile that much harder.

“I’m just surprised you haven’t killed each other,” Elysia laughed while you met the eyes of your unwilling roommate. You sincerely hoped he wouldn’t take her words to heart because you both knew who was winning that fight.

“We get along fine.” This had her leaning back on the stool to laugh even harder. With the way Kalpas ground the words out, you honestly weren’t sure if he truly believed them, or if he simply wanted to be done with this topic.

“I miss something?” Caspar came over with a smile that was quickly lost when he saw the angry scowls being sent his way.

“These two just moved in together,” Elysia tried to explain between giggles.

“Oh, congratulations!” he sounded genuine, but you’d have to be blind to miss that spark in his eye. “I didn’t know you were dating?”

“Two years now and they still try to keep it a secret. Like we all can’t see the way they look at each other.”

It was almost impressive how quickly you could go from angry to embarrassed.

Elysia kept Caspar company while you made his whisky sour in record time. Kalpas meanwhile, took the opportunity to try and set the man on fire with his gaze alone. When the walking annoyance finally left, Elysia became the new victim of this glare.

“What the hell?” you whispered, the anger in your voice abundantly clear. “We want him to know,” she leaned on the bar looking unconcerned with the situation. “Either he tries something and falls into our trap, or he realizes how silly this whole idea is and drops it.” It wasn’t like you’d been on the cop’s radar before, so you were forced to rely on those with more experience—in this case, Elysia. Still, Kalpas didn’t seem entirely thrilled with the plan, and you were inclined to agree.

The room you were staying in shared a wall with the stairwell, which meant you didn’t have to go very far when coming ack from a long night, but it also meant you heard the door slam whenever Kalpas came or went. Sometimes the door was tugged closed with so much force it rattled the glass in your windows, and you could reliably find him in the living room changing out a bandage on those nights. Being able to hear him leaving also made it extremely easy to avoid each other, especially since you both worked mostly at night.

Five minutes after you heard him leave, you headed downstairs to start your dinner. The lights in the kitchen were still on, and you could hear water boiling on the stove, immediately followed by sizzling as the water boiled over. Without even thinking, you turned down the heat and stirred the pasta a few times to cool it down. Lifting a strand of the spaghetti on the spoon, you gave a disgusted frown at how overcooked it was. The front door opened in a way that could only be Kalpas, and you leaned out of the kitchen, scowl still in place.

“Kalpas…” your tone was a mix between disappointment and whining that showed just how upset you were. “What were you—this pasta is so overcooked it’s basically glue.” He calmly walked up to you and took the now cool spaghetti off the spoon and threw it at the wall. Where it stuck.

“That’s how you know it’s done.”

You were going to cry.

“N-no. No. Kalpas, not even oil is gonna fix this.” You ran a hand through your hair. “I’m making you dinner,” he tried to enter the kitchen and you put a firm hand on his chest, though it was more a request that he stop than a demand. For once, he didn’t put up a fight, just stood still as you went back to the stove and dumped all the pasta, grimacing the whole time.

Inside the oven, there was a roasted chicken inside that looked completely fine. Even the potatoes around it were sliced perfectly, and the blend of spices smelled heavenly. The garlic bread, however, was beyond burnt, and the chicken needed to come out now if you didn’t want it to suffer the same fate. Taking everything out, you set a new pot to boil and got to work remaking the garlic bread. Kalpas remained watching until you made the first cut into the bread.

In a second, he crossed the kitchen and took the knife from you like he was disarming a thug. Then, as if nothing had happened, he continued slicing the loaf while you continued to stare at him in confusion. Realizing you weren’t going to get an answer for his actions, you picked up one of the slices and began spreading the garlic butter on both sides before checking on the water and adding the pasta.

Neither of you spoke while you were cooking, but at the end of the night, it was one of the best meals you’d had in a long time. Kalpas seemed to be in agreement; the next time he cooked and you were home, he dragged you out of the study to help, and over the next few weeks, cooking dinner together became a regular occurrence. It was after one of these meals that someone finally made a move on you both.

Long after you had gone to bed, you heard the front door open and close. Except there was no force behind it. The sound was so quiet you would have slept through it if it weren’t immediately followed by someone sliding against your wall. Kalpas had not once entered the apartment without trying to tear the door off its hinges, no matter the hour. This wasn’t him. Hearing the shifting sound again, you realized it was coming from downstairs and only traveling up the wall to your room.

You had no clue how telling Kalpas was going to help, but that was the only idea you had. Throwing the covers off, you listened by the door for a second to be sure whoever broke in was still on the lower floor. Never had you been so happy that you’d mastered the skill of sneaking around places you shouldn’t be. You made it across the hall and in his room without anyone knowing. Kalpas included. As soon as you took a breath to wake him, you were screwed.

He had you pinned to the bed with your face pressed deep into a pillow and your arm pulled painfully behind your back. All you could do was hope he recognized you and hadn’t alerted the intruder. It felt like forever before you were released. When Kalpas reached for the lamp on the nightstand, you grabbed his hand and shook your head. Your other hand came up to stop him from talking as soon as he opened his mouth, shaking your head again.

If looks could kill, you would be dead a thousand times over. A few seconds passed with you both staring at each other. Then you heard shuffling up the stairs and Kalpas’ eyes darted to the door. Under your hand, you could feel the smirk forming, and your mouthed ‘don’t’ was completely ignored. He easily pulled away from you and made no effort to mask his advance to the door. Half of the building probably heard him stomping, and anyone in the apartment itself certainly did. With as much grace as ever—which is to say very little—he opened the door and left you in his room alone.

Going out after him could only end poorly, though that knowledge did very little to calm your anxieties. You didn’t have to worry for long. As though he hadn’t been obvious enough, Kalpas shouted, which was quickly followed by a thud that rattled the walls, a groan, and a gunshot. There was yelling, and then the sound of a body falling to the floor. Still sitting in the dark, you waited for some sort of sound, but were met with none. That left you with no choice but to slowly peek around the doorframe.

The first thing you noticed was that Kalpas was still alive. In the dim light you could see him crouched over someone slumped against the wall, but he didn’t look like he’d been shot, and you couldn’t see any obvious wounds. The second thing you noticed was the other intruder, who laid at the top of the stairs, and the blood that dripped from the corner of the banister and from his head. Kalpas stood then and stepped over the body to go downstairs. A minute later he returned with rope (you weren’t going to question it) that he used to tie up the person you assumed was still alive. Once done, he stood and walked over to where you were watching. You expected him to say something, but he just went right past you and climbed into bed.

“You’re just gonna…leave them?” The panic in your voice slipped through despite your best efforts.

“They’re not going anywhere,” he grumbled, voice still deep with sleep. “Deal with them in the morning.” It hadn’t been said in a threatening way, but you couldn’t see Kalpas ‘dealing’ with someone in a way that was at all pleasant. The whole situation was exhausting, and the fact that both intruders weren’t killed when you thought that’s all Kalpas did was weirding you out. With very few options available to you, you chose to return to your room, lock the door, and stare wide-eyed at the ceiling until the sun rose the next day.

At some point in the night, you had given up on giving up on sleeping, and promptly passed out. Your only indication of this, however, was when you were woken up--an hour after your alarm should have gone off—to the sound of your favorite roommate shouting. Angry mobster definitely should have been at the top of your list of concerns, but fear of being late to work quickly took first place. Throwing some clothes on, you were about halfway down the stairs when you heard a second voice and realized Kalpas wasn’t on the phone.

“-by Honkai. Tianwu Chen and Ana Shariac. Kevin is talking to her now,” the unfamiliar voice stopped when you rounded the corner and came face to face with the woman Elysia had described as Sakura. She eyed you for a minute, and let you question why she carried so many knives (you were certain there were more that you couldn’t see) before speaking again. “My guess is that William heard about the FBI harassing you,” she turned back to Kalpas. “He’s trying to make a move while you’re distracted.”

“FBI?” you echoed, suddenly not so concerned about being late.

“Caspar,” Sakura explained in a tone that was just shy of bored. “He got called in, though I’m not sure if it was by the police or Honkai. Ana won’t give us any more information.” Things just kept getting better and better. You wanted to yell and swear and kick someone’s teeth in, but you settled for letting out a particularly unhappy grumble and running a hand through your hair. Without another word, you grabbed your jacket and left. Normally, you would be worried about running into the people you recently found out wanted your head, but right now, if you saw them, they had better run.

For the rest of the day, you were in a sour mood. Raven had asked you what was wrong once before catching onto your scowl and leaving you be. Mei was doing her utmost to keep Kiana out of trouble, but customers were the bigger issue. Every interaction was curt, and it was clear you were just waiting for a fight so you could burn off some steam. Kalpas showing up an hour before closing certainly didn’t help. Just the sight of him reminded you that—apart from the creep living in your bar—there were a dozen other people who wanted you dead. If he noticed your irritation, Kalpas said nothing of it. His eyes were locked on Caspar, and at this point, if he didn’t throw a punch, you would.

“Hey,” one of Caspar’s crew for the night walked up to the bar. “Could I get an old fashioned?” You very nearly said no, but managed to get away with a grunt and a bit of shuffling. The man remained quiet, though the stare he fixed on Kalpas spoke volumes. When the drink was finished, you placed it down forcefully, causing the liquid to slosh dangerously. At that moment, Mei came up to the bar to grab an order from Raven, and everything was fine. Until he slapped her ass.

You nearly vaulted over the counter, but Kalpas beat you to it, hauling the poor guy up by the lapels so they were eye to eye. The entire bar went dead silent, waiting to see what was going to happen. Customers had been thrown out for less, and that was being kind in your opinion. Harassing the waitstaff was a line that regulars knew better than to cross, and newcomers never challenged twice. As angry as you were already, this guy would be lucky to escape with anything less than a broken nose.

Kalpas seemed to have different plans. You couldn’t hear the words said, but you saw their effect when Caspar’s friend froze with a look of horror on his face. He nearly fell flat on his ass when Kalpas dropped him, and as soon as his feet were under him, he was bolting for the door. Long, deliberate strides followed, and Kalpas was passing through the door before it even fully closed. Slowly, conversation resumed, customers returning to their conversations or gossiping about what had just taken place. When you reached to get rid of the now unnecessary drink, a bloodied hand stopped you. Back in his regular seat, Kalpas downed the drink in one go, not even batting an eye when the bitter taste hit his tongue.

“Thought you didn’t like drinking ‘gasoline,’” you asked, recalling the night he stole your ward eight. He gave you a grin that bordered on sinister and had you stopping in place.

“It doesn’t taste like gasoline. It tastes like the fight I just won.”

Whatever happened outside, you didn’t want to know. The jackass was gone and you were wiping blood off your counter and everything was fine.

“Hey, I’m sorry about him—”

“Save it,” your tone combined with a burning stare had Caspar withering on the spot. “Your friend wants to act like a piece of shit, he can do it somewhere else. Same goes for you.”

“Hold on now,” he tried to reason but it was clear you were having none of it. “I’ve brought a lot of business—”

“Business I don’t want!”

“You can’t seriously be kicking me out right now.”

“You see that big wooden thing over there?” You pointed so aggressively Caspar had to take a step back. “That’s a door. Why don’t you go drag your sorry ass through there before I do it for you.” He gaped at you for a second before you thrust your finger again and he got the message, leaving the bar with his two remaining goons in tow.

In many ways, the night was a failure. Fights always brought down sales, and you’d lost a high paying, consistent, customer. Even kicking him out didn’t make the bastard go away; Caspar happened to move into your old apartment building and started using the same laundromat as you at the same time.

At the same time, you had some victories. Ever since that night, Kalpas would order an old fashioned and you both got into the habit of having one ready as soon as he came in. Having a cop in your building was also the incentive you needed to finally start looking for a new place, and you had fully moved into Kalpas’ for the time being. He’d called you an idiot for continuing to pay for your own place (which you weren’t thrilled about) but wasn’t charging you rent or pushing you to move out.

In fact, the longer you stayed, the more accepting he seemed to be about you living there. Grocery shopping was done together, mainly because you were cooking meals together more, but also because you liked having someone else to carry the bags (and occasionally watching that someone else carry the bags, even if it came at the cost of going up ten flights of stairs).

Beyond looking nice, Kalpas could also be nice, though it wasn’t a common occurrence, and even more unlikely around others. Even if you were sitting in silence, he’d keep you company in the study. Even if he never said it, the speed at which food disappeared told you that your cooking was appreciated. Even if you didn’t ask, he’d walk with you through unsafe parts of the town (and to the laundromat) with his hands shoved in his pockets for all of five seconds before you were pulling on his arm so you could hold his hand. He even offered to kill annoying customers for you, which…you suppose technically counts as ‘nice?’

All that is to say, Kalpas was growing on you. Given a few more impromptu late-night walks in the park, you might even be falling for him.

It was late. Sakura hadn’t been able to get any more information from the Honkai member, but Ana ended up being a helpful bargaining chip. William himself sent an offer to trade. He would stop trying to push into Moth territory in exchange for Schariac and tonight was the night. Eden, Elysia, Kalpas, Sakura, and Hua were all sitting at a table in the nearly empty bar. Kevin himself showed up with the hostage a few minutes after closing.

Eden had said you could leave, but Sakura and Hua were quick to disagree, not trusting Honkai to leave you out of this after all that had happened. So you stayed in the back doing inventory, trying to keep busy so you wouldn’t think about the people sitting a few feet away. It wasn’t very long before Honkai and his men filed through the door completely silent, but you could hear one of them playing with a butterfly knife, the sound alone making you anxious. Chairs scraped over the wood floors as everyone got settled and you groaned. Knowing you would be the one to put them back.

Everyone’s voice was muffled through the door, but for the most part, it sounded like Elysia was doing all the talking. Honkai might have spoken once or twice, but you couldn’t tell, having never heard him speak before. When Sakura cut in, you started to worry. She wouldn’t say something unless it was absolutely necessary, and the fact that she was followed by Kevin didn’t help. The butterfly knife stopped, and the room was deadly silent. Then everything went to shit.

That blade went straight into Kalpas’ shoulder and was quickly countered by three from Sakura that laid her opponent on the ground. Eden was immediately up and shooting, Elysia right beside her. Kalpas was the first across the table, taking full advantage of the weapon he’d gained, and Hua didn’t waste any time to do the same. William and Ana escaped during the fighting, Kevin merely watching as they left, already anticipating this outcome. Kosma would be waiting outside for this exact moment. Once the fighting ended, he should be coming inside to celebrate with everyone else. Kosma wasn’t the one to come through those front doors.

As soon as you heard “FBI,” you bolted. Bottles you’d been holding smashed to the ground, and you were running out of the back exit just as the door to your little room flew open. You’d been chased before. Some part of you found it thrilling. Once the adrenaline wore off, it was only exhausting. No cop knows these back streets like you do; so long as you could shake them for a minute, you would be fine.

Suddenly being pulled into an alley was not part of the plan, but the hand over your mouth and around your arm made it hard to do much else. Every breath burned your nose, and you could feel your heart pounding in your chest while you waited for the knife that never came. For a second, you pressed back into your attacker, trying to become as small as possible to avoid the agents running past you. It was another painfully long minute before the grip on you loosened.

“We need to get out of here,” the voice was a whisper, but it still sounded too loud to your ears.

“That’s what I was doing!” you whispered back. Silence came in response, but the hand that was still on your arm started pulling you along. “Where the hell— “you tried to pull away unsuccessfully.

“Hotel.”

“Ridgemont?” A nod. “You’re going the wrong way.” Still holding onto your arm, the stranger followed you from dumpster to torn couch to sludge filled alleyway for four blocks. It wasn’t until you were inside the hotel that he let go, and even then, as soon as he was done at the front desk, your arm was being pulled again. Inside the room, he finally told you his name was Kosma, and that you were officially being kidnapped. Both crime families needed to lay low right now, so they couldn’t risk letting you go out and talk. Tomorrow the Moth family would regroup, and they’d decided what to do with you then.

You know how, in horror movies, splitting up is always the worst idea? Yeah. You were not thrilled when Elysia suggested it, but once again, fear of being shot kept you from saying anything. Kevin couldn’t just leave, so he and Kosma would be staying in the hotel you’d been at last night. Eden and Elysia would be going on a cruise, while Hua and Sakura would float, carrying messages or helping if they were needed. That left you and Kalpas to take a car ride until you got tired and stay in some bed and breakfast in the middle of nowhere.

It made sense, Sakura was able to move around without being seen rather easily, and she couldn’t do that with the loudest member of your group trailing her. That didn’t make the trip any more enjoyable. Kalpas couldn’t drive and being trapped in the car was sending him up the wall. By the time you found a place to stay, both of you were vying for ‘most pissed off.’

After a day or two to cool off, you realized things weren’t half bad. The inn was homey, and the people nearby were too old to remember you staying there or report you to the police (you got to hear the same two men gossip about your arrival every week). Without a kitchen, you started dragging Kalpas to different diners in the area. The owner of the local bookstore knew you by name after a while, gossiping with you about books you’d read or who had the nicest embroidery (it was Susan). Kalpas kept being commissioned by elderly couples to help with their garden which was funny until he came up to you covered in dirt and sweat and demanding a hug.

That was another thing that changed. After his stab wound had healed, Kalpas wouldn’t bat an eye at having an arm around your shoulder. At first, you thought it was simply him keeping up appearances; convincing the town you were a couple on vacation. When he started sitting with you while you read, you could still believe that, but when he would fall asleep on your shoulder, that made things difficult. On top of that, sharing a bed was blurring the line between ‘boyfriend’ and ‘guy I’ve been living with for almost a year.’ Eventually, you gave up, asking Kalpas flat out if he was interested in dating.

“Too much work,” he’d grunted, angrily stabbing some dirt with Miss. Jane’s trowel.

“What would be different?” you asked. “We shared an apartment for months, we’re sharing a bed now, and we’ve been eating meals together for ages. I mean a few things would change, obviously, but we’re already gotten past the hard part.” Your voice remained steady, though your heart was anything but.

“If nothing’s changing, then why are you asking?”

He raised a good point and you hesitated for a moment. “It’ll make me feel better?”

With a sigh, Kalpas sat back, balancing on the balls of his feet and finally looking up from the cabbage. “Fine.”

Not the most…enthusiastic response, but it meant you got upgraded from post-garden hugs to post-garden kisses, so you weren’t complaining.

admittedly not my best? I scrapped the last chapter like 3 times so uhhhhhhh it's fine. That entire pasta scene I was just thinking of the video with the girl that makes spaghetti for her husband who's italian and she throws it at the fridge where it sticks and he's like "no. wtf. we're going out for dinner this is horrible" Also Kalpas would live for a bar fight, I'm sorry he's so ooc, this whole thing has somehow become "how many tropes can I fit into one fic?" Double also, it's not that Kalpas can't drive, it's that he really really shouldn't.

I guess this could be considered an ending for the story, but I'm planning on writing a few more chapters. hopefully.

[aonoexpat]

21-10-2023

A lot has happened, and I haven't been able to sit down and write about it. I'll do this in chronological order!

The guy that had helped me fix my sink turned out to also(!) have very little understanding of the real meaning of consent, and had the appalling audacity to tell me to my face that me being uncomfortable with his advances was "my fucking problem." I got really pissed off and left that loser in a dust cloud, went to the beach to clear my head, and then backtracked along the same road to get him off my trail. I camped out in a paid campsite, trying to get a sense of safety and security before I responded to the text he thought it would be okay to send me afterwards, telling him to delete my number and never approach me again. I felt very upset about the whole situation, because I consistently try to put myself out there, to connect with people, and I am too regularly met with such complete disregard for my boundaries. It makes me want to just shut myself down and not talk to people any more, if that's the only thing that guarantees being respected. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to live like that because of men like him, and the one from a couple days before. I'm trying to focus on being proud that I took care of myself and was assertive enough to put some distance between him and me.

So, I gathered myself, had a well-deserved hot shower and a vegan crêpe from an amazingly kind French lady who looked absolutely awesome in her Halloween makeup, and got myself ready to get back on the road. I did find a pretty cool spider in the camp kitchen, which got me proper scared because I thought it could be a (venomous) whitetail, but I think it was a grey house spider instead. I caught it by throwing my knife over the spot where it was dangling from the ceiling, sending it crashing to the table, and then quickly planting a glass over top of it, which I was actually really proud of:

After checking out of the campsite, I took a walk along Ship Creek beach to process the fact that I had officially made it to Te Waipounamu's West coast, all by myself this time! That afternoon I found myself in Te Moeka o Tūawe, wondering if the hike up to the glacier viewpoint would be worth the trouble, especially since the day had turned really cloudy really quickly. I ended up asking somebody who had just gotten back from the hike, and from the photos they showed me I think I'm glad I didn't take the chance, because the view was very underwhelming. I spent the evening cooking a proper meal, watching my shows and calling my dad. I went to bed early, because I had big plans for the next morning: getting up at 06:00 to drive out to Lake Matheson and hike the loop track, so I could watch the sunrise over Aoraki (Aotearoa's highest mountain peak, at 3,724 meters, which I had previously seen from the other side during the Hooker valley track, which was a really cool realisation!) and Horo-kōau (3,497 meters). That early in the morning the lake was quiet, making it almost a perfect mirror for the mountain range. It was genuinely one of the most magical things I've seen in a long time (thank you Liv for the tip!), and I had a great view of Fox Glacier from the viewpoints as well:

By the time I made it back to the car park, both mountain peaks had gotten covered in clouds, and they wouldn't be visible again all day. I'm so grateful that I got there in time, and got to see the mountains like that. And I met some really cool birds (a kea and a kererū) on my walk as well!

I took a quick nap in my car to make up for the lack of sleep the previous night, and then continued on my way to the next glacier: Kā Roimata o Hine Hukatere, which is Te Reo Māori for “Tears of the Avalanche Maiden”. It was named this after a legend of Hine Hukatere, who was an avid mountaineer. Her lover Wawe wasn't as fond of the mountains as she was, but she convinced him to come along with her for her next trip. As they climbed, Wawe struggled to keep up with her, and eventually slipped and fell to his death. Hine Hukatere watched him fall but could not prevent his death. “Her grief was so pronounced and her tears so excessive that the gods froze them as a perpetual memorial of her regret and sorrow."

By now the weather had turned, and it was raining almost non-stop. I made good use of one of the dry moments to undertake the hike to Callery gorge, which ended atop a (albeit slightly precarious) swing bridge that offered beautiful views of the icy-blue glacier melt waters entering the river:

In the late afternoon I finally laid eyes on the glacier itself, and it was a humbling experience. My eyes really didn't know what to make of the white, dirt-speckled mass in the distance at first, and I wasn't even sure if I was seeing the whole thing, or if part of it was still shrouded in clouds. I stayed in that valley for a long time, just marveling at the gorgeous view:

Just as it started raining again, I resumed my way, and I found a freedom camping spot near Hokitika for the night.

I ended up staying in that exact spot for two days, because the rain and wind were relentless and never-ending. I spent a significant portion of the time just closing and opening and closing Elrond's windows as the rain came and went and came back. Going outside was not appealing, let alone hiking. It was much nicer to stay in bed, block out the noise of the weather with my headphones and rest. I even ate my dinner cold because cooking was not an option!

As the visitor center in Hokitika told me the next day, apparently the West coast of Te Waipounamu was being hit with a bout of bad weather before it officially welcomed summer. I had to put my plans on hold for a couple more days to wait out the worst of it, because I really didn't want to do the beautiful hikes I had planned in the rain. So, not wanting to spend the next four days in my car alone, I booked myself into a campsite in Kumara for three nights. This ended up being one of the best decisions of my whole trip! I met two wonderful women there, who were in the exact same situation: heading North, but waiting for the weather to improve. We instantly connected, and we talked for hours. We went grocery shopping together and went for a nice little hike to old mining tunnels in the Māwhera area in the pouring rain, which was quite the adventure. I got my fill of Wi-Fi and using it to watch stupid videos, and I finally managed to catch up on the first five episodes of the new season of Our Flag Means Death! Definitely recommend this kiwi-starred, heartwarming comedy series about 18th century pirates really just doing their best.

It's quite late right now so I'm going to end this here, but much more to come soon! I'm truly having the best time this past week and a half, and I'll soon tell and show you more reasons why. But I just wanted to say how happy I am, how proud I am of how far I've come, and how grateful I am to get to (soon) end this Te Waipounamu trip on a fantastically high note. Much love ❤️

[lennjamin-o7]

🌯🗡️ anon here! Wooo! New STH update!!

Heads up that I've only been up for like an hour and most that was just reading this chap so I might be a little more scatter brained than usual lmao!

First, Tech being an adorable sleepy boy in the morning! Phil was fucking loving that lmao, every time he decides that Tech couldn't possibly become more endearing, BAM, Tech throws even more at him. Oh! Also I love Techno's dynamic between him and Skeppy! It genuinely feels like proper banter! You're an absolute god when it comes to writing character interactions that feel organic, that shits amazing!

Oh! And the porridge!! Tech call it a hunch but I don't think that your sense of taste is suddently gonna get better when you eat the cooking they'll serve to the royal family. Oh and Phil just sneaking in more bits of Totally Not Magical food to Tech when no one's looking? Delectable! He is making sure his new sonboy eats GOOD if he has any say in the matter!

Also the hair scene?? Perfection! Tech freaking out a bunch when they threaten to cut his hair?? I'm sure that doesn't stem from some deep seeded trauma from younger years at all and with Phil stepping in? Bro saw how upset his new baby got over that shit and wanted to put an end to it IMMEDIATELY!

On a side note, Skeppy and Bad are absolutely onto him but like they keep accidentally demonising themselves in Techno's eyes! Sure they probably don't think (know) Phil is the Queens hubby but like they just keep accidentally pushing Techno into his comfort!! Phil was absolutely LOVING Techno coming to him for like feelings of safety I absolutely know it.

Like Skeppy Techno doesn't understand fully why you keep being a dick to his Totally Human Friend Phil, you're being so overprotective! yeah he feeds him strangely delicious and weirdly perfect food but that's what other peoples Totally Human Friends do! Don't be such a worry wart! Oh and Techno being like a dog when they eat something they shouldn't be eating?? Delicious meal for the brain rot!

Oh also the hair tying scene! Wonderful, Techno I'm sure those hair ties disappeared out of Totally Normal Ways and I'm sure that funky buzzing you feel whenever you're in contact with Phil is Not At All Magical in ANY way! Also father matching son?? Adorable! Phil is way softer for this kid than he thinks lmao!

Phil: "Now that his guard is distracted, I can sneak him more magical food and tighten this magical bond I'm building with him!"

Techno: Shoves the whole thing in his mouth like a feral dog and nearly chokes several times

Phil: 👁️👁️

Phil: "Maybe less pie in the future"

The joys of fatherhood! Phil's gonna absolutely have a heart attack when Techno inevitably chokes on food!

Skeppy: "Techno that could've been poisoned! You know better!!"

Phil: >:0 "First you think I'd let my new baby starve and now you think I'd poison him??? How dare you!!"

Phil literally 48 hours ago: Would've absolutely poisoned him with 0 remorse

I also love how like Techno being sheltered shines through in the way he interacts with Phil a lot too! Like when he said "see he said its dumb to poison me!" after eating Phil's secret magic pie lmao, like Techno I hate to tell you this but that's absolutely not how the world works lmao. Oh and Phil's slip by nearly calling the Queen Kristin?? Bro's probably not as sneaking as he things. He thinks he's yoinking the child but the child is also unknowingly yoinking him back too!

That along with the whole ferry ride in general? Scrumdiddlyumptious! Purely just Phil being like "yea I gotta sort out the adoption papers so I'll have to leave you alone for like 2 days tops" and Techno being super fucking bummed about it, bro got a taste of like having a dad and simply does NOT wanna let it go so soon! I'm sure that opinion will come back to bite him in the ass in a chapter or two though lmao

Also the ferry tailoring itself basically entirely for Phil? Decorating itself in bells as if to ring out and announce the arrival of something or someone very important?? On top of favouring Techno to the point of giving him special little sparkles that trail him??? How strange, I'm sure that's just a coincidence! That along with Techno now subconsciously crediting most help he receives to Phil? Consider the sonboy primed and ready for adoption at this point!

"He knew better than to eat faerie food." Techno I hate to tell you this but Phil's magical cookies and pie might've been a bit more dubious than you think. Along with the wings scene?? I KNOW Techno nearly gave Phil a heart attack with that one, that on top of Techno saying it'd be cool to have wings?? Bro is like quite literally giving Phil all the adoption papers necessary!

Techno: "Damn it kinda sucks I'm probably not gonna live to 14"

Phil: Literally in the middle of yoinking him

Phil: "Yeah for some reason I don't think that's gonna be your biggest problem soon m8, now help me pick out the colours of your new room!"

That and Phil giving him his earring?? Absolutely wonderful! Techs gonna be sat there in that mansion wondering why all the fae servants there are treating him like a KING meanwhile Phil's Totally Not Magical earring just hangs all innocent from his ear.

That on top of when they were getting off the ferry? The Fae trying to do a shit tonne of mental math to figure out why the Queens hubby is hanging around a human child while said child freaks out and snuggles into Phil for comfort?? Word is gonna spread about this so fucking fast it'll be a wonder if Kristin doesn't already know about it before Phil magics his way there!

Can you tell how much I liked the whole ferry segment yet? lmao!

That along with how protective Phil is while Techno is just completely oblivious, like yeah Tech I'm sure that crowd left willingly and not because Phil looked 2 seconds away from murdering them for making you so uncomfortable! Oh and Phil being sentimental with the cart was so cute; At least he got over the loss quick with the prospect of seeing Kristin, just him coming home and being like "Hey babe, I know I was gone for a bit but that's because I fucked up an adoption; Don't worry about that tho since I've gotten a newer, better child instead. BTW about that first adoption, that's what this whole shebang is about with all these humans coming over so maybe if you can twist the deal to get us our new baby that's be super sweet <3"

I also adore the thought of Phil just being so easy to distract the second Kristin is ever mentioned; Like just him scolding Techno post adoption after he's done something bad and Tech just being like "btw how did you and mum meet again?" while Phil's mid sentence and Phil just completely derailing to talk about how they met for the 1000th time and forgetting why he was mad.

Oof that was a long brainrot but I hope you've enjoyed, as always I'm sorry if I've overwhelmed you and I hope you have a nice day! Also don't feel so bad for writing what you brainrot about! These things happen, I don't understand why people would be like "ugh Lenn has given us yet ANOTHER fic that she's completing??" as if that's not like a net positive? Its like that meme where it's the "holy shit! two cakes!" with the artist vs the audience, purely just:

Lenn: "Aw man, I basically completed STH instead of this TBTF chap on accident, guess I'll post this STH update instead :/"

Readers: "Holy shit! Two fics that are super good and have scheduled updates on them?? We eating good tonight!!"

Asddfghjkl Never apologize for these long asks. I love love LOVE them.

He's a sleepy boy :) so sleepy. And Phil is loving it. Have you ever seen the pure bafflement on someone's face that wakes up and has no clue what's happening? Its adorable. And Phil is, of course, LOVING IT.

I'm glad you like the character interaction! I love writing characters teasing each other, its so fun. And this is my first time writing Skeppy and Bad, but the constant sniping at each other is INCREDIBLY fun lol.

I'm sure the porridge just tasted bad, right? There are no consequences to eating dubious food from a magic guy, right? It's fiiiiiiineee. Lol.

And, I mean, if said dubious food DID have effects, well, Phil is going to make sure that Techno doesn't get sick from hunger while he's apart from him, right? A little pie to tie him over. Make sure he keeps those cookies on him in case he gets a bit hungry. Not a perfect solution, but its better than nothing.

Yeah, Techno is protective of his hair. He likes it. It's something that's solely his. It looks nothing like his brother's hair when it is long and pink, so he doesn't get any comments about comparing him to his brother. I mean, he DOES, but not about his his appearance.

And yeah, Phil had two reasons for them not to cut it out. First was he put it there, and he doesn't want his little protection (and possibly tracking) charm gone. But the second is because Techno was visibly upset about the fact. Like, the kid is not dumb. He knows whats at stake. And he would rather risk it than cut his hair? Yeah, no cutting his hair. Shoo. Let him keep it.

I love the hair scene! And I'll be honest, that scene is almost completely inspired by Fairy-locks by Marsalias. Not a SBI fic, its a Danny Phantom fic but if you enjoy eldritch time deities adopting tiny unaware that he is an eldritch being teenage boy, I definitely recommend the whole Grandfather Clocks series they have written. And, of course, Mortified that goes with it.

Then again, the main premise of the fic is inspired by their Changeling fic, but I can't help that Rivers is an amazing author.

Anyway, yessss the hair scene!!! I love the hair scene!!! I very very important scene.

Bad and Skeppy definitely think Phil is sus. But it's also kind of their job to think he's sus. And they also DON'T like that Techno is getting so close so fast. Techno immediately latching onto palace staff? Fine and good. They already know the entire background of every person in the palace that can come in contact with Techno. They even know a large amount of people's backgrounds who even get NEAR the palace on the regular. They don't know Phil. This is Techno's first real trip outside the palace and they are trying their best not to make Techno be paranoid around people by seeing them act paranoid about people. They don't want him to be afraid of the world. But its their job to be paranoid and to keep him safe. And Phil is just so so sus.

Also, Techno's veracity in eating sweets is absolutely inspired by my time as a middle school substitute teacher. Teenage boys are so fucking weird /pos. They have so little impulse control. And they eat everything SO FUCKING FAST. So many times I have worried they were going to choke. There is a reason I never upheld teacher rules about not having food in classrooms. One because fuck making kids sit and be hungry. I'm not doing that shit. I'll just sweep if they get stale cookie crumbs on the floor. And two, because I have watched enough teenage boys inhale whole packages of chips while standing at the door. It can't be healthy. They need to chew. Please, if you are a teenage boy and you are reading this, know that I desperately am begging you to chew your food. Please.

Yeah, Phil stole all his hairties. He saw an opportunity, and he took it. Literally. Also, Techno had SO MANY HAIRTIES. The boy was prepared. (Honestly, overprepared). Phil was pulling out hair ties like those clown handkerchiefs. They just kept coming. More reason for why Techno is irritated he couldn’t find them. He packed like 50???? Where did they go???? Even the ones he planned to put in Carl's mane are gone??? This is ridiculous.

"👁👁Maybe less pie in the future" had me nearly sick from laughing so hard. Very accurate to his thought process.

Phil may have been totally down with letting Techno die 24 hours ago, but that was then and this is now. And how dare Skeppy insinuate that Phil would harm Techno. He's a changed man. A father now.

And yeah, Techno's been a bit sheltered. Or maybe a lot. He should really be more worried about things.

And yeah, Phil is used to being sneaky but he just wants the sonboy. He doesn't want to be sneaky, he wants the sonboy. He could probably just grab him at this point and book it, but he doesn't want to SCARE him. Also, he has machinations in the work so grabbing the sonboy would kind of ruin that. He's balancing revenge and sonboy.

Yes, I had a lot of fun with the Faerie Ferry. I had to do that for the pun. And also for the little bit of reference to Charon's ferry. Like, this is a Fae AU, but I'm gonna make as many references to the realm of the dead as I can because its Kristin. Like, Charon's ferry. And the fact that it changes shape to fit the person being a really weak allusion to Anubis weighing the heart before entrance. And the Faerie Realm being an island as a reference to Avalon, where King Arthur was taken when he was mortally wounded. And there are a few more as well in chapters that haven't been published. Because it's fun to reference death in regards to Kristin.

Phil's food is so delicious because he is a good cook! It can't POSSIBLY have a magical purpose at all, right? Techno knows not to eat magic food. To be fair, who expects some random guy to give you magic food? Poison would make far more sense.

Phil has never been on the ferry because he can fly. He had no clue if it would fuck with his disguise. Techno just straight out saying he had wings while Phil had been kinda sorta hiding to make sure nothing slipped gave the poor guy a heart attack. That would have ruined his plan.

Nope, the boat didn't reveal you, Philza. The boat just has a funny sense of humor.

Yeah, Techno is incredibly pessimistic about the odds of his family breaking the deal. Its not really spoilers, I guess, but the royal family is all very split on their chances. King Baethan, Mielle, and Felix think they have a very good chance of winning the argument. Queen Chesil and Techno are much more skeptical. Phil wants to comfort Techno on that, but its not like he can outright say "yeah, no worries mate. I'm gonna keep you. You are going to have SO MANY birthdays :)"

And yeah, that earring is pretty distinctive.

Fae are terrible gossips. That info didn't last 20 minutes before every fae on the island knew. And this is JUICY. Because Mielle got there first and the fae made SO MANY ASSUMPTIONS when she got there. Now, here comes the shit stirrer, chaos bringer, Philza himself with a DIFFERENT CLINGY KID? Oh, this is some juicy gossip. Wtf is that man doing this time???

Kristin knows some of the stuff that's going on. Like, she knew that Philza's adoption scheme had backfired pretty spectacularly. The humans had been petitioning for a meeting with her for like a decade. But gosh, she is not going to see this twist coming. At least it will be funny.

And it will NOT take Techno long to figure out how to push the Philza Talking about Wife button. He's smitten. Has been for centuries.

And awww thank you for the kind words!!! I'm glad people enjoy some of my other work and not just the one fic. That honestly takes a lot of pressure off me. I appreciate it a lot. And I loved this brain rot. I hope I addressed everything in it, because it was such a good ask. Thank you for every syllable. 💚💚💚💚

[scoriol]

i lie half awake at 4.21 in the morning finding myself lost. my over-reliance on chatgpt and weed’s really fucked me over; i’m struggling to formulate and articulate a complete thought which is really counterproductive because right now i need to write. i feel overwhelmed, i’m terrified and i’m really sad. i left singapore a year ago and told myself i wouldn’t look back; that i’d do whatever it takes to stay in london and that i’ll leave the shithole i’m forever tormented by for good. i spent half the year on a shitty job i didn’t want to do just so i could keep a roof over my head and the other half was spent by staying in my room smoking up, draining ritik’s money that he works so hard for. a complete waste of a year with absolutely no progress and further from my dreams than i was a year ago. at the same time i had to watch my closest friend get everything i want and live my dream all while putting a smile on my face- it sucks a lot. i don’t want to go home. i don’t have the right friends there and my one friend here trumps the friendships i have there. i don’t want to lose ritik but i feel guilty putting him through long distance. i wish i’d just gotten my shit together so we weren’t in this situation. i wish i tried and i wished i put my all into getting that TC this year because i didn’t. i wish i could be in london while shearvin goes to uni here because how fun would that be? i’m so mad at myself because really and truly i have no one but myself to blame for this. sg isn’t all bad, i know. i have my parents which helps a lot and i’ll have home cooked meals to come home to, i’ll have a proper environment to be productive in and i’ll start being healthier- there are pros. i just know it’s not what i want and sg makes me feel ashamed to be me. it makes me feel like i’m not good enough, idk if that’s because of the fact that my friends there just don’t get me or if it’s because of the casual racism or if it’s because i’m haunted by memories i’ve tried to cremate, but it makes me feel shitty. i thought the years i was with my first boyfriend were bad but i’ve spent so many days crying in bed this year it’s genuinely made me wonder why i’m here, what i’m doing, why i keep trying? it’s been failure after failure and maybe i do have a tendency of fucking myself over but i just wish it was slightly easier. i’m trying to be grateful- to count my blessings because my problems could be worse; sometimes i even pray to something i don’t believe in fuck me. i hope this year is the lowest it gets in terms of my career and my happiness, i hope it gets better. i hope i have the strength to persevere, to fight for my dreams and to maintain my confidence in who i am. i hope next year flies quickly, i hope my pain this year will be worth it and i hope i’ll be okay.

[ohmykazuha]

♡ 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞

♡ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: xiao, kaeya, diluc, thoma x gn!reader

♡ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fluff + comfort <3

♡ 𝐚/𝐧: i love u all. mega hugs and mwahs for each of you! | like and reblog if you liked this!

XIAO.

- xiao is genuinely such a good roommate!

- he's responsible and cleans up after himself ><

- he also has this little duty roster to say who does what chores on what day XD he's very organised!

- i think xiao also cooks well >< yes. he pretty much eats almond tofu but he knows that you have to eat other things as well.

- the two of you study together at the dining table frequently! your table is a mess of cables and phones and pens and earphones but sigh. college students </3

- but...

- xiao. hates. mess. continuing from the previous hc, he would pack everything up really fast when you're done :"D

- i feel like he would be those types of people who get containers for literally anything. big batteries. small batteries. medicinal cream. plasters. kitchen utensils. literally everything

- oh, but you like it. >< it's such a wonderful sight to see him pack up like marie kondo XD

- there's so many things he just does for the dorm and you're super grateful to him for it hehe

- conclusion: clean freak. marie kondo. best college roommate <3

KAEYA.

- ooh kaeya. okay

- he's... messy, to say the least. he has a disorganised aesthetic, if that makes sense?

- cold winter nights mean that you get to see him in a turtleneck~

- he uses the excuse "but i'm cooooooold!" to hug you XD

- i think kaeya is genuinely a... clutter person. he's a hoarder bc he's sentimental? perhaps? he has lots of old trinkets lying around bc he can't bear to get rid of it.

- (its cute though)

- kaeya can cook.

- he can cook well. like pastas and soups and stews and stuff like that. he's awesome that way XD

- you'll see him doing the uh... he do the cooking but you do the cleaning <3

- he makes breakfast and dinner for the both of you! kaeya also makes sure you eat proper, regular meals – he doesn't want the two of you to be the stereotypical college student living off ramen

- yes. kaeya KNOWS how to get a good bargain at the market >:D

- conclusion: 10/10. best malewife. his food is AMAZING.

DILUC.

- diluc 🥺💕

- late night tea sessions with him. literally tea while you two talk about everything and anything

- like kaeya, winter season is turtleneck season <3

- cmon! you can't tell me that you can't imagine him being in a black turtleneck!

- anyways, i think he's pretty good at cooking! probably even better than kaeya XD he can make pasta and sandwiches and fish and chips and stuff like that •u•

- diluc likes to switch on the lamp next to the couch and read a book: a thread inspired by my neighbour <3

- so my neighbour has this beautiful lamp that she puts next to her couch, and at night its just this... cozy, warm place. i love it so so much

- and that's what i envision for your apartment!

- its just warm and cozy. the door is always open for anyone who needs shelter or someone to talk to, there's always a fresh plate of cookies

- conclusion: he's the besssst roommate <3 10/10 would recommend... maybe not. you want him all for yourself. XD

THOMA.

- ahhhh!!!!

- ahhhhh!!!!!! (2)

- thoma is genuinely such a malewife wonderful roommate

- he do the cooking he do the cleaning XD

- thoma is really organised! he's one of those people that stick labels on each thing so its all clear and neat >< he also cleans like.. you know the way of the househusband? tis him, but gentler!

- i mean. not that the mc of WOTH is not gentle LOL

- thoma is really good at keeping the house habitable!

- and good at taking care of you as well! he ensures regular meals and if you're sick, he'd boil chicken soup for you or something XD

- the two of you make dinners together frequently heh. one time he brought back an entire lobster LMAO

- but thats a story for another day

- he's such a good roommate pls come home c6..

- conclusion: I LOVE HIM. 10/10 an amazing roommate you'd definitely miss after college!!! <3

woooo its done!!! man that was long. like and reblog if you liked this please!!! lets try to get this past 100!

taglist: @bookuya, @mikachuchu, @starglitterz, @cherubbic, @noirkkat, @the-gayest-sky-kid, @ajaxeology, @icecappa, @almondoufu, @gnyuvile, @yeetmeoffjueyunkarst. @simplyxsinned, @heaven-dissolution, @xiaoyksa, @yua1106, @gnyuvrse, @mayple, @rim0na, @kamitoge, @abyssheart, @hushyouu, @thaliastea

[enden-k]

_.Any Zhongchi headcanon that you're willing to share._

sure!! theres a lot i like to hc actually, i can list up some before i make it too long and sit here until tomorrow morning ajkcsbk~

SFW

they are both touch starved (i talked about that in detail some time ago!) and seek out/enjoy the others touch/touching him (be it zhongli putting a hand on childes lower back or arm, or childe sitting close enough to zhongli that their legs and shoulders touch; both of them reaching for the others hand on their walks)

no matter how busy they are with work, they always try to find time to see the other throughout the day

they always end their day with dinner together (childe pays of course) and a night time stroll through liyue

childe genuinely enjoys listening to zhonglis ramblings and explanations

zhongli enjoys listening to childe talking about his day or whatever battle he had fought or any thoughts about anything and always does so with the same, utmost attention no matter if its smth important or just mindless rambles. childe is not used to people genuinely being interested in whatever hes talking about (most of the time ppl are annoyed by him like the other harbingers or the traveler sometimes, and he doesnt really have anyone he can just talk about anything)

most of the time they go out for dinner but when they have the time childe enjoys cooking for them. the sight of childe in an apron, standing at the stove and humming little songs from his homeland his mother used to sing while the smell of a lovely, homecooked meal fills the house is one among many others zhongli holds dear and it always fills him with such intense feelings he can never help but to embrace him from behind and litter his neck with kisses, for once unable to find the proper words and rumbling and purring like a contented cat instead to childes amusement

zhongli is a huge cuddler and always curls around childe when they sleep, always wanting to have him close to him. childe had to get used to it (and sharing a bed with someone in general, i talked about childe and sleep in detail a while ago!) but by now he needs the comfy weight and presence of zhongli to have a nice, safe, good nights rest

they keep each other in check/balance

childe always brings back little souvenirs and gifts for zhongli whenever the fatui sends him somewhere; always smiling at him when handing it over, simply saying "this reminded me of you"

they both get flustered whenever the other says "i love you"; its like they realize once again, they are reminded anew that they are being loved, that the person they love madly is also madly in love with them

(edit: i removed the nsfw hcs but kept them on my other blog)

theres more and more bc my brain is always full with them but i dont wanna make it longer than it is AJKSBCKJB i can add more tho in some time if u want

[miekasa]

random boyfriend levi hcs (modern au)

↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: modern au, fluff, i feel like he would honestly just be a quiet, gentle soul if given the opportunity to relax for once in his life lmao

↯ notes: i was planning to do some levi hcs, and then i got a request for them so yay! here you go, enjoy!

Has a carafe and fills it every morning (because he finishes it every day). He also absolutely does get his 6-8 glasses of water in on the daily thank you very much.

Oh he likes bubble baths. Not into lighting a thousand candles around him (altho he does like candles). Maybe one or two. Doesn’t stay for very long, but does like to get a good soak every once in a while, after he’s already showered of course.

Likes showering with you. A lot. Not necessarily for sexual antics, but he just likes it. Likes it a lot when you get all soapy and then hug him. 10/10. Although shower sex is always a welcome added bonus.

Fluffs your pillows for you in the morning behind your back. Not sure why it’s a secret for him, but it just is.

He’s like a fucking VIP member at SoulCycle or some shit and enjoys taking you with him to the classes just to see you sweat and suffer LMAO

Doesn’t mind doing things late at night with you, actually prefers it to some extent. Just don’t ask him to do anything dumb.

“Do you wanna walk to McDonald’s and get a McFlurry?” “No. I fucking hate McDonald’s and it’s 2am.” ....... “Do you want to drive around and maybe get some chinese food on our way back?” “... I’ll get the keys, let’s go.”

Surprisingly, likes to bake. It’s somewhat relaxing and therapeutic for him. He’s not the best at things like brownies and cakes and icing and decorating and all of that, but is really good at smaller, I suppose more refined desserts.

Think things like little fruit tarts, lemon squares, creme brûlée. Things that might not require a lot of ingredients, but are very particular in technique.

He doesn’t mind cooking though. But he likes cooking for other people best, not to mention he can be picky about his take-out. It can become a chore to him otherwise (and you can miss him with that meal-prepping bullshit), but he doesn’t mind cooking dinner if he knows it’s for you and him to share. And is willing to honor any particular meal request you might have.

Not exactly a wine connoisseur, but he doesn’t mind having a glass with you when you ask. He keeps bottles you and his friends get for him, but he doesn’t know shit about tasting and pairing and all that. If he needs to know or needs a recommendation, he’ll ask Erwin.

Into niche home design things like lighting fixtures, finding the perfect handles for his furniture and drawers, and things of that nature.

Very much a DIY kind of guy, and your fixer-upper. Need to assemble furniture? Fix a broken TV? Re-tile your bathroom floors? Levi’s your guy.

Loves candles. Not super sweet smelling ones like birthday cake and vanilla bean, but loves lighter, fruitier scenes like eucalyptus mixes, lemon, even sage. Always has candles on hand and never misses a single Bath and Body Works sale.

On that note, yes he does coupon. Why wouldn’t he? Capitalism already sucks and everything is so expensive, he’ll take a bargain where he can get it.

Never owned a speaker because he never saw any use for it, but one day, you coerced him into having a mini-karaoke session while you were cooking together and he found out he enjoyed it quite a bit. (The music playing a loud, not the karaoke. Even though he’s a pretty decent singer).

So when you bought him a record player for his birthday, it easily became one of his most valued possessions. And he’s really enjoyed collecting vinyls.

Other than that, he’s open to most kinds of music, and likes it if you make playlists for him—otherwise he’ll just listen to whatever you have made.

Levi and Erwin are presidents of the Beyhive but you didn’t hear that from me. Nothing but respect for THEIR Queen Bey.

Enjoys taking walks and going running when the weather is nice, and likes having you along with him. It’s actually on occasion on which he prefers to hold your hand in public. You don’t always talk much, but it’s still nice and Levi really relishes in it.

Genuinely laughs out fucking loud whenever you put a face mask on and cannot take you seriously for the next 20-35 minutes LMAO

“Hey, Casper, did you want me to get you a glass of water on my way back.” “FUCK YOU MY SKIN IS GLOWING LEVI!! GLOWING!!”

Despite that, he still fucking steals your other skin scare!! Like retinol isn’t expensive as hell!!

Likes getting massages from you, and may or may not have feigned or exaggerated soreness form his workouts a few times to get one.

Fucking hates pumping gas, but doesn’t trust the little brats at the gas station to do it for him, and would rather eat a pair of jeans than let you get out and get gawked at, so he does it himself.

If you’re in public doing something/looking at something and taking too long, Levi will just start nudging you to get you moving. Like if you’ve already spent 10 minutes looking at different pasta shapes in the grocery store, he’ll put a hand on your waist and slowly usher you back to the cart so you can actually finish your shopping (and go the fuck home).

On that note, he pulls you/grabs at you quite a bit, usually to out the way of other people or harms way (or so he claims). For example, pulls you back further onto the sidewalk while you’re waiting at the crosswalk; further away from the lines on the ground near trains and busses; away from Hange.

Really likes kissing you. Not in public, but doesn’t mind having you all over him in private. And honestly, when he wants it, he doesn’t mind being all over you either.

He’s a particularly big cuddle bug in the morning bye.

Likes it when you drive. Mostly because he can just chill in the passenger seat and take a nap.

LMAO he can’t ride a bicycle. If you taught him, he’d probably pick up pretty quickly, but nobody ever taught him so he doesn’t know how yet.

(When you find this out, you’re VERY eager to teach him and Levi feels like he might have finally met his demise). “Do you want some training wheels, Levi? I saw a pretty pink pair in the toy store on the way here.” “No, fuck you, I just need to find my balance—hey, don’t let me go! Do you want me to die???”

Despite not liking having his photo taken, he’s a pretty good photographer and doesn’t mind taking pictures of you.

Keeps a picture of you and him inside his wallet. You don’t know that it’s there.

Despises the dentist with every fiber of his being and would not fucking go if you didn’t force him to. Seriously, you have to book the appointment for him and everything or else he’s just not make one or go.

And it’s not even like he has bad teeth?? They’re fine, maybe just in need of the regular professional cleaning. He just hates people prodding inside his goddamn mouth.

Which is very weird and you tease him very loudly about because he’s fine with the doctor?? And the ophthalmologist?? And everything else but the dentist LMAO

Quite spontaneous with dates in all honesty. Sometimes he just sees shit or has an idea and asks you if you’d be down.

Not one for cliche coupley items, but you do have matching sneakers. (They’re his favorite pair of sneakers).

Picks up things you’ve left laying around and puts them in their proper place. “Levi have you seen my—” “It’s on your desk. Where it belongs.”

Museum dates! Not that he cares for the pompous air of museums, but objectively they’re nice. Quiet, pretty objects, clean. Overall, not so bad. Just don’t take him to a fucking history museum.

Has a habit of kissing the palm of your hand. It’s his silent way of telling you he loves you.

Lays his head on your lap when you’re sitting on the couch. Claims he’s not keeping up with your shows but secretly is. Curls up into a ball and takes a nap halfway through tho.

[snootsnoot-fiction]

Your Gentleman

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: None really

A/n: My first marvel fic yay!!! I love that it’s Bucky as well☺️ This is a birthday gift for my dear friend who I love @inthatmomentwewereinfinite 🎉🎉🎉 you’re honestly one of the nicest people on the planet, I hope you have the best day you can ❤️

Summary: You haven’t seen Bucky in years…

The life of one James Buchanan Barnes was quite the tragedy. At least for the most part.It was a long, involuntary life, but to say he wouldn’t be the least bit grateful for the majority time skip would be a lie. Oh, there were things “Bucky” Barnes missed of course, but there was plenty to make up for it.

The man thought he would lead a simple life; serve in the war, get married with Steve as his best man, maybe even die of old age. A far cry from the fate that really awaited him, for he found himself being part of the Red Skull’s experiment. An experiment that began his journey as who would infamously be known as The Winter Soldier. 

~~~~~

You were quite the artist to say the least. You lived and enjoyed a fairly quiet life as well. That’s not to say your talents weren’t sought out, for you were also quite the fashion designer. Sometimes you would simply consult. Create and draw up a design for someone else to make. Occasionally you would make the pieces yourself. It was an interesting way of making money, and you were happy to keep living your quiet life - your involvement usually kept secret in some way at your request.

Needless to say, one of the biggest things you ever worked on was the new suit for Captain America. You found his tale fascinating. You knew of the man, but it wasn’t until you heard he was back that you looked into him a little more. Strange things seemed to be happening more often.

The detail of his best friend’s supposed ‘death’ was another thing that interested you, but all anyone could assume was he actually was dead now. It didn’t stop you from wondering though.

You did work on occasion for people such as The Avengers, but aside from that, you were a normal citizen. So to say you were surprised when you caught the eye of Mr Barnes in modern day was an understatement.

Recognising him immediately, you weren’t sure what to do. He looked beyond exhausted, and it was clear to you he was trying to keep his head down. The man carried on, and despite thinking you probably shouldn’t, you followed. The next thing you knew, a cold arm was pinning you against a wall as the one and only James Barnes stared at you. Up close, his eyes looked even tireder, and you could see just how rough a state he was in.

“Why are you following me?” He huffed out. Anyone could see how tense he was. Almost afraid.

“I’m no-one I swear! I just recognised you and got curious… you’re Bucky?” He slowly let you go, but remained tense. “I don’t even know what happened… you look awful…” you frowned slightly as you gave him a proper look. You really had no idea what was going on, but you felt bad for him. Whatever happened to this man, you were glad to not know right now. 

~~ a few months later ~~

You wondered how people would react to finding out about you helping ‘The Winter Soldier’. The thought made you nervous sometimes, but you knew what you were doing to be right. Something in you from the moment you met him told you he himself was at no fault, but of course, not everyone would see it that way.

The day you met him, you had ended up giving him a fresh change of clothes that would help him to blend in more. You had offered more, even a meal, but trust would take time to build, and he didn’t want to stick around you too long. 

‘Too many innocent people…’ was all he muttered before giving thanks and leaving without a word.

‘I’m happy to help…’ you hadn’t been sure if he even heard you, but surprisingly it wasn't long before you saw him again; with time, the two of you built a sense of trust. Bucky would never stay too long, but when he did you would allow him to use your own facilities if he needed, You would make him a warm meal almost every time, and give him another fresh change of clothes if he needed them.

Trust takes time though, and you didn’t know much of the story of why he was even here. You didn’t want to push or pry, but you couldn’t help but wonder sometimes. 

Today was the day you’d learn.

The old soldier hesitantly stepped into your home. It always made you frown a little to see just how hesitant he was; whatever it was he was hiding from, you wish he didn’t have to.

“I know you don’t like to, but I made my sofa up for you just in case-”

“Sofa? The couch?” You went a little red and chuckled nervously.

“Yeah sorry, I didn’t grow up here..” and for the first time, you saw him smile. It was little, but it was there. It made your heart flutter just a bit, causing you to smile.

“I might take you up on that.” His words were quiet as he walked in to see the couch. You had set a single, plump pillow on one end, and laid your biggest blanket over the piece of furniture. Bucky had been so hesitant to talk even one word to anyone, nevermind taking refuge from someone, but he couldn’t even remember the last time he had a nice place or spot to sleep. Not only that, but you seemed genuine to him. Deep down he knew he could trust you. Your smile widened.

“Are you hungry?” At your question, he looked back at you with a small nod. The tired look in his eyes made you want to really look after him, but there was only so much you could do and you didn’t want to startle him.

That night, you sat on opposite ends of the couch as you ate a freshly cooked meal, some sitcom on the TV. Eventually you decided to ask him what had happened to land him here. There was no pressure to answer of course, and you were more than willing to forget you asked if he didn’t yet feel comfortable to tell his story… but he did. You listened patiently and quietly as Bucky talked about The Winter Soldier.

Little did you know just how far you had already fallen for this man.

~~ Avengers Civil War ~~

After hiding for so long, Bucky had to admit there was something refreshing about now being out in the open.Of course, the circumstances were most unfortunate, but whatever happened, he would no longer be in hiding. Therefore he wouldn’t be putting you in any more potential danger. The two of you had grown quite close, and if anything happened to you because of him, well.. he didn’t like to think about it.

People like himself existed and had been used to assassinate King T’Chaka, and now the group his best friend Steve had put together were trying to get to the guy behind all of this. Unfortunately Tony Stark had created an obstacle for them. The old soldier could see that both men were somewhat regretful, but firm in their beliefs. Before he knew it, the fighting had begun.

Bucky and Sam Wilson had hidden in the airport terminal to start when this kid in a red and blue costume came at them. Sam knocked the kid away, so Bucky ran after them, and when he reached them, he saw an opening and threw a chunk of metal at the weirdly flexible kid. Naturally this kid was able to throw it right on back before being tackled by Wilson again.

Reaching the both of them just in time, Bucky ran between them as the spider kid flung himself at Sam, landing both the men in the floor below and his metal arm in some sort of.. webbing. The old soldier hated the fact they ended up in this position because of a child who didn’t even sound as though he had hit puberty yet. That’s when the kid was thrown out the window by the little robot bird.

“You couldn’t have done that earlier?” he growled at Sam, genuinely annoyed with the guy.

“I hate you.” Bucky merely scoffed at the response. They were in the middle of something big, but for a brief moment he found it funny that Steve’s new friend was this guy of all people.

Despite all this, you were still there. In his mind. With everything now in the open, he hoped your part in all of this was still in the dark. He just wanted you safe. To live your life.

~~ present time ~~

To Bucky, it almost felt like his past had repeated somewhat; to skip from one time to the other was confusing and frustrating. At least this time around it wasn’t as far into the future as the last time.

For you, however, it was a lonely experience. With The Snap, you had stayed behind. You lived out those five years. You had found a connection with this older guy you absolutely adored, and then you find out he was snapped out of existence along with half the planet. Lonely was an understatement, especially at the start.

At least he didn’t physically die - a fact you turned out to be grateful for when suddenly all those who had been Snapped were back. Of course, you knew the type of life Bucky led beforehand, so you were still worried, but you hoped with time he would contact you again. That hopefully things had finally calmed down at least somewhat in the world now. 

Meanwhile, in the last five years you had moved to New York. With half the world gone, work had been a difficult adjustment for everyone, and you decided to start your own little business in The Big Apple; a prime area for you. It was just a little fashion/clothing business, but it turned out well enough to keep you afloat. Business got quite busy when everyone reappeared. It was stressful at first, but you managed to hire a few other people that helped. You were even able to start taking a little time to yourself occasionally in all due time. Eventually it became the norm.

With business and the world calming down, Bucky Barnes had been on your mind recently. You wondered where he was, if he was alright.

You were in your store. It was a weirdly calm day today, so you sat on a chair behind the main cash register. You heard the door open, but by the time you looked up, the person had disappeared behind one of the clothing racks. You thought about keeping an eye on them, ready to get up if it looked like they needed assistance.

“I got ‘im.” One of your workers said from behind you, offering a smile as she walked past you.

“Thanks.” You smiled back, watching her hover near whoever the customer was before looking back down at the book in your hands. You seemed to get quite into the book, because before you knew  it, a shadow stood over you, but you didn’t notice until he spoke.

“Hey..” the voice caused your heart to stop as your ears perked and a weird yet pleasant shiver flew down your spine. You knew that voice. You knew eventually you would see him again, but it was still a surprise.

Slowly, you closed the book, and your eyes dragged up until they were on that same face you had last seen way over five years ago now. His hair was short now, but it was him alright. It was Bucky.

The man offered a small smile and wave as you stared at him. You had no idea what to do.

“Uh.. this your place?”

“Yeah…”

“You’ve done well.”

“I’ve had a lot of time.” Your responses were automatic. Your mind was blank.

“Uuhh..”

“Bucky?” You stared at him with wide eyes, your voice triggered a slightly wider smile on his lips as he nodded.

“It’s been a while.” His words made you scoff loudly.

“You’re telling me!” The both of you chuckled. The last five years had felt so long for you, but the two of you were already falling back into your old dynamic.

“... Listen Y/N.. all that old stuff.. The Winter Soldier stuff… it’s gone now.” His words made you smile for him. You knew how much his past had troubled him. You doubted it was completely out of the way, but you knew what he meant.

“No more hiding?”

“No more hiding.” Bucky smiled, a look of genuine relief on his face.

Just then, a group of teen girls walked in and your smile disappeared for a moment.

“I’m at work. I’m the boss but I still gotta work, we can’t..”

“I know a place we can go to later if you want? Catch up?”

“I’d love to! I close up around six today, we can go after then.”

“Perfect! I’ll come back and we can walk there together.” You smiled and nodded, too shy to say anything else right now. Bucky smiled before turning around, looking back at you as he opened the door to leave. You gave him a little shy wave.

You spent the next few hours constantly thinking about Bucky and finally being able to see and talk to him again. Excited was an understatement. You were happy. Bucky was back. You were always too shy to say anything about what you felt, but absolute adoration was another understatement when it came to that man.

The clock had finally struck six. Your employees were now leaving, and you decided to check the store, make sure everything was alright before closing up. The same employee that had helped out earlier that day came up to you as you picked up your things.

“Your gentleman caller is waiting outside.” She had a knowing smile on her face. She even seemed kind of excited and she stood there and waited as you blushed.

“Thank you..” you attempted to avoid her gaze as you packed the rest of your things in your bag.

“I’ll tell him you won’t be long.” At that, you offered her a smile before she left and you took a moment to relax before following.

Bucky wasn’t right there as you left through the front, but when you turned back around after shutting and locking the place, there he was just a couple feet away from you. A small flower bouquet in his hand. Your heart melted at the sight.

“I know you’re not much of a flower person, but I wasn’t sure what else to do.. You know… with the time gap and all.. But these are your favourites.” Bucky looked almost nervous. You shyly stuck your hand out to take the bouquet, your fingers brushing against his as you did.

“They’re perfect, thank you.” A small smile tugged at your lips again as you looked at them before looking back to the man in front of you.

“I’ve missed you Y/N.”

“Me too.. You that is! I’ve missed you, not myself.” You blushed as Bucky chuckled at your flustered self. He then held out an arm.

“Shall we?” You hesitated before taking hold of his arm with your free hand, a feeling of happy warmth washing over you.

“We shall.”

Tagging; @blondekel77 @book-hoardingdragon @mandosmimi

[sinner-as-saint]

Power Over Me - 4.

Bucky Barnes x Reader AU

Previous Parts

Run-through: CEO James Buchanan Barnes is a dominant. And he’s spent the last 5 years searching for his perfect submissive. Then one night, he finds you. He thinks everything will fall perfectly into place now; but he thought wrong. Turns out your unfortunate past which still haunts you to this day, and some of his enemies are, well, connected. Things go wrong. And your bond with your dom is tested in many ways…

Themes throughout the series: dom/sub dynamic, smut, dirty talk, angst, fluff, soft dom!bucky

a/n: this one’s a little long… just a little.

You were a quick learner, Bucky noted.

You were quick in learning his ways, his rules. Mainly because you loved everything about him, and everything which surrounded him. But also, you wanted so desperately to leave the past behind and forget it. And fill your head with much, much better memories. Memories you made with Bucky.

Throughout your first weeks of living together, you and Bucky had quite a few serious talks, and open and honest discussions in his study. You took decisions regarding your relationship together, it was much healthier than anything you’ve had in the past.

You two made a few alterations here and there, regarding his rules. Such as, you genuinely like making meals, so you settled on him being absolutely okay with you cooking at least once a day. He honestly didn’t mind, he just never wanted you to feel like you had to do anything for him.

To which you responded, “I never feel like I have to do it. I truly just want to, think of it as my way of giving back to you for treating me with respect and care, and affection. And for being a shoulder I can lean on, and a friend when I need you to be, and everything else you do for me.” You hoped he could read in between the lines.

Because to you, he was so much more than you put in words. Bucky smiled and approached you, cupping your face in his hands without thinking twice. He stared into your eyes. A deep, long, meaningful stare. Do you have any idea what you do to me? He almost blurred the lines and bend his own rules as he had felt the burning need to lean in and kiss you.

But then he realized that you two were in his study. This area was strictly used for mature, and serious conversation. And he would like to respect that. So he pulled away that day, gently, reluctantly.

 -

Bucky would usually wake up and find you either in your bed, or in the kitchen already – on days when you felt like making breakfast.

One morning he found you in the kitchen, all dressed up, not in your PJs surprisingly. He found you making food and walked up to you and wrapped his arms around you. And as he kissed your neck, like he did almost every morning, he found that you weren’t wearing your collar.

Oh?

He pulled away quickly. You felt his hesitation so you turned back around and gave him a proper good morning kiss. You could feel his confusion.

“Remember I said I applied for a job at the publishing company?” you tried to freshen up his memory. Bucky nodded, remembering. “Well, they called yesterday evening to tell me that they accepted my application. And I start today.” You said and waited for his reaction.

His face lit up. “That’s great, baby! See I told you there was nothing to be nervous about.” He leaned in to kiss your forehead. “I’m so proud of you.” he let his lips linger on your face while his arms wrapped around you. “But why didn’t you tell me yesterday?” he sounded pouty again.

You sighed, looking up at him. “Well, you were stressed out and tired from work, and then we…” you trailed off remembering how last night went…

How as soon as Bucky walked in through the door, he lazily made his way into your arms and gave you a bone-crushing hug and almost shifted all his weight on you. How with just one kiss, you knew what he mean. Playroom, now.  

You remembered how he had taken his time and tied you to the bed again, and how you laid spread eagle all for him to use however he liked. You thought about how he kissed every inch of your body, and how he turned you into a moaning mess just with his kisses. How he had teased you with the fur flogger again, then with the suede one until you cried out in pleasure. Pleasure which blended in so perfectly with the sweet pain.

You remembered how he sat on the dark red couch like it were his throne and how you sat on the floor, on your knees, pleasuring him like you had the night you first met. You remembered his grunts and growls and how he moaned, “Fuck… slow down baby, let me feel you.” he said, with his head thrown back, hands in your hair as he forced your mouth to a stop, lips wrapped around him, his pre cum trickling down your throat…

And how he had taken you hard and relentlessly afterwards; fucking you mercilessly and stretching you out, ramming his cock in and out of you all while calling you his “precious little pearl.” How he had wrapped his hand around your throat gently, kissed your forehead and growled in your ear, “You’re all fucking mine. You hear me?”

And how gentle and loving he had been afterwards, giving you back rubs and massaging your feet and shoulders and telling you how much of a good girl you’ve been to him. And how he tucked you in and played with your hair until you fell asleep.

Bucky’s voice broke you out of your reverie.

He chuckled. “Ah yes, you mean when we didn’t get the chance to talk about each other’s day because I was busy making you scream in my playroom?” he teased. His words made you look down and smile shyly. Your face felt hot all of a sudden. He laughed, “Look at me, angel.”

You looked up and met his ocean blue eyes. The ones you longed to see at the end of the day, the ones which calmed you down, the ones which connected with you in ways no other could.

Bucky spoke up, grabbing your chin between his fingers. “Tell me things. Even when I’m tired, or stressed out or grumpy, I want to talk to you and hear about your day. I want you to share every little thing with me, it makes me happy. Okay, baby?”

You nodded. “Yes, sir.”

He smiled, and pulled you in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you.” he repeated. And it made you feel all warm and tingly inside.

 -

You thought initially that once you began working, it would somehow affect the amount of time or the relationship you had with Bucky. But that wasn’t the case at all. Bucky made a sort of a plan; each day, he dropped you off to your work building on his way to his office. And he’d pick you up on his way back home.

Once home, the first thing you did was put your collar on and then went about the rest of the evening, with Bucky’s interruption here and there – he’d catch you in the shower sometimes, or in the kitchen because most days you liked to make dinner, which then resulted in him calling you sweet nicknames and fucking you against the wall, followed by you two having to have to either eat cold dinner or order food because the food either, got cold or burnt while you were busy.

When you began your job at the publishing company, which you loved, other little alterations were made in the set of rules Bucky had. Bucky pushed breakfast on weekends to 10 a.m. because he wanted you to sleep in and get as much rest as possible after a week’s work.

And it was his favorite thing because each Saturday and Sunday he’d sneak into your room early in the morning and spend some hours just cuddling, and spooning you and touching and fondling for some hours before breakfast time – which you two usually made together.

 However one Sunday morning, he walked into your room to a pleasant surprise. He tiptoed into your room, feeling all excited and warm looking forward to cuddling you and give you a thousand kisses. But the sight in front of him made all his blood rush downwards.

You were on your bed, eyes closed, covers thrown off your body, with your hand in between your legs. Your underwear was off, your shirt bunched you at your chest, freeing your breasts. Soft moans escaped your lips as one finger of yours slipped inside your entrance. Bucky noticed you were dripping.

He believed you must have just woken up because you seemed unaware of his presence. Must be still a little sleepy and hazy. But you sure were horny, because you caught Bucky by surprise and his jaw dropped in awe as you slipped another finger past your entrance. Then followed by another. You moaned and arched your back off the bed as you fingered yourself shamelessly right in front of Bucky.

He was torn between being extremely displeased by your borderline disobedience and wanting to just drag you into his playroom like he did just the previous night, and being extremely turned on by the wanton sight in front of him and wanting to punish you in the best way possible in your own bed. Only you, babygirl, can put me in such a delicious dilemma.  

Bucky chose to observe for a little while longer, because frankly it was hard to look away. You whined in need and frustration as the palm of your hand rubbed against your sensitive clit over and over again while your fingers slipped in and out of you. Your fingers stretched you out but in no way quite like Bucky did.

And oh did you crave him, his touch… especially after the dream you just woke up from.

You moaned quietly under your breath, imagining it was him who was touching you instead. “Fuck… sir, please…” you mumbled in the haze that you were in, completely unaware that Bucky was at the side of your bed, watching you intently. You whined, slipping your fingers in and out of your wet hole rapidly. Your own touch took you higher…and higher… and you were on the edge; right on the edge when you heard a voice speak up.

“So this is how it is, huh?” his velvety, deep morning voice said.

Oh no…

Your eyes flew open, burning still with sleep. You gasped as soon as you saw Bucky standing beside your bed, staring down at you with a smirk. Looking at you like you were a meal. You tried to rapidly remove your hand away from your wet folds but Bucky was quick to stop you. He knelt in your bed, loomed above your semi-naked frame, smirking and holding your hand in place. “Answer me.” He asked, now serious all of a sudden.

You didn’t miss the look of mischief and playfulness in his eyes as he quickly glanced down at your neck and saw that you were wearing his collar. It looked no different than an expensive diamond choker in the dim morning light. He loved the sight of it on your body.

Mine. His inner voice screamed.

“I… I’m sorry, sir.” You gave him your best puppy dog look and spoke sheepishly. You were embarrassed, but there was also the thrill of him catching you in such a salacious action which coursed through your veins like electricity. The look in his eyes made you shiver.

He didn’t say a word as he brought your hand closer to his mouth. He didn’t hesitate in parting his lips and allowing your soaked fingers into his mouth. His warm, wet tongue swirled and licked around your slick coated fingers, and you almost moaned as he did when he so shamelessly tasted you.

He closed his eyes briefly, relishing the taste of you as you watched him with your own lips parted. Breathless already, and all he was doing was sucking your drenched fingers. “Hmm,” he moaned as he pulled your fingers out of his mouth, releasing them with a pop sound.

He looked down at your almost bare body. He didn’t think twice before cupping your dripping core. “Who owns this pretty little cunt, huh?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. His voice sounded stern, but his words were laced with nothing but lust and hunger.

You didn’t answer. So he pulled hand back and shamelessly slapped your throbbing core. You yelped, in surprise, pain and pleasure.

“I asked you something. Who owns it?” he asked again, clenching his teeth and growling by the end of his question. Was this the same man who washed your hair and called you ‘baby’ in the bath? You were borderline surprised and borderline turned on.

“You do.” you answered in a whisper.

He smirked again. “Then how dare you touch yourself without my permission?” he asked, his velvety voice, his words sending a pleasant chill down your spine. Which then did nothing for the growing sweet pain in your lower regions.

You got quiet again, and lowered your eyes to where he cupped you again.

“Look at me,” he ordered. “You are mine. All of you belongs to me, alright? You leave me no choice but to add another rule to your list, baby. From now on, you are not allowed to touch yourself, unless I ask you to.”

He spoke, grabbing both your wrists and pinning them down on the bed, above your head as he straddled your waist. His weight pressing on you gently was much more pleasurable than you expected it would be. “Understood?” he asked.

You nodded quickly. “Yes, sir.”

He continued. “I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the night, or fucking four in the morning. You come to me whenever you need something.” He gave you a stare which meant, keep your hands there, and you understood it perfectly.

He slid down your body just a little to free your legs from under him. He spread your legs further apart and settled in between them. He looked you dead in the eyes as his knuckles lazily stroked up and down your slit.

“Touching yourself without my permission.” He lifted his hand away and smack down right on your clit. You gasped loudly, not expecting it. “Pleasuring yourself while I’m not in the room.” Smack. You whined, squirming and wanting nothing more than to just grab his hair and place his mouth on your body. “Misbehaving in secrecy.” Another slap right on your throbbing clit. You couldn’t help but moan out loud. “Thinking I wouldn’t find out, huh?”

“Sir… I’m sorry.” You whined, closing your eyes and throwing your head back; unable to handle his intense gaze.

He chuckled. “Sorry? Oh baby, you will be.” You could hear the smirk and the mischief in his voice. He wasn’t necessarily pissed off, he was just glad that he found an excuse to toy with your body however he pleased so early in the morning. “You wanted to cum so badly, didn’t you?” he said, sounding pouty and bummed out for a moment, clearly mocking you.

Then he chuckled, rather sinisterly. “Well, you’re going to do just that.” he smacked your thigh to get your attention again. You opened your eyes quickly and found him staring down at you. You were still a little confused about what his words meant. He caught the confusion and shame and embarrassment in your eyes. Oh my babygirl… he almost gave in, but then caught himself before he slipped.

No, disobedience are to be followed by consequences. He spoke, “I’m going to make you cum hard, and incessantly until you are totally and utterly spent. You will be a whimpering, tear stained mess by the time I’m done with you. You hear me?”

You nodded, your heart racing in excitement. “Yes, sir.”

He was quick to add. “We’re not in the playroom, but your safe words still apply.” He reminded you. “Now, what color?” he asked.

“Green, sir.”

He smirked. Because oh boy were you in for a ride…

He left your thighs chafed thanks to his stubble, your body trembling and your mind a foggy mess that morning. He meant each and every word he uttered to you. You were indeed crying out in pleasure as he ate you out like there’s no tomorrow. He didn’t hold back, he never did. He was incessant, relentless. His tongue just slipping in and out of your folds, teasing your entrance. His mouth sucking and lapping up all that you gave him. He never stopped, no matter how hard you came.

“What color?” he asked about ten times. And your answer was just the same as the last, “Green, sir.” He’d smirk each time and go down on you again. You were sore, and you tried to scoot away from him a couple of times as the pleasure and the sensitivity got too much. But he wrapped his strong arms around you and pulled you closer to his mouth each time.

“I’m not done with you, yet.” He’d growl. “Now stay still, and this will teach you not to touch yourself without my permission again. Understood?” he’d seek to confirm again.

“Yes, sir.” You trembled in pleasure under him. Fuck…

Once he was satisfied with how much of a wanton mess he had turned you into, he finally pulled away to look down at your whimpering frame. The entire lower half of his face was drenched with your arousal, and he didn’t mind it one bit. He cupped you again, letting his fingers presses against your sensitive clit. You whined and bit your lip.

He spoke up again. “Tell me again, who owns this cunt?” he asked, in his no nonsense voice. Oh his words alone were enough to make you cum again, that’s how sensitive you were.

“You do, sir.” You whined.

He smiled, satisfied. “What color, baby?” he asked again.

“Green… please.” Your body was spent, but you still asked for more. He had a lazy smile on his face as he got rid of his sweatpants before climbing up your body again.

He pushed into you without another word. You were just how he expected, warm and wet and whining in need for him. You knew you wouldn’t last very long as his thick cock filled you to the brim. You were a moaning mess by the time he found a pleasurable pace at which he moved in and out of you with ease. Your arms instinctively wrapped around his broad shoulders and you clawed at his skin as he fucked you; hard and fast.

He moaned and swore and groaned as he pounded into you, each thrust deeper than the last. “You’re mine.” he mumbled against your neck, kissing the collar you had on in a haze. You threw your head back and moaned, tears escaping your closed eye lids at the pleasure became more and more overwhelming.

He nibbled on your neck, biting down hard the moment he felt himself getting closer and closer to his release. “Cum with me, baby. Come on…” he trailed off, moaning and pounding harder into you.

You came with a loud moan, he did too. He swore right in your ear as he came, filling you up. You could feel the soreness immediately, but you didn’t complain one bit. Once he got his breathing under control, he kissed your face a hundred times and wiped your tears away.

He turned to his side and pulled you into him, eventually pulling the covers over the both of your naked bodies. You were still trembling and teary. He kissed your forehead,

“I know, I know my sweet angel.” He kissed your lips. But you were too weak to respond to his kiss. You were, however, happily, a mess. “It’s okay, I’ve got you now. You did so well.” He wrapped his arms around you.

You snuggled up further into his side, moaning under your breath as you moved. “I’m sorry, sir.” You mumbled. He smiled, stroking your hair and down your back.

“I know, baby. I had to remind you that you belong to me and only me. You know now, don’t you?” he asked, kissing your forehead as you basked in his body heat.

You nodded, wrapping your own arm around his torso. His lips didn’t leave your skin as he calmed you down from the headspace you were in just minutes ago. Once you were finally down, he leaned in and gave you a deep, long, meaningful kiss.

“By the way, good morning, baby.” he whispered, pulling away from the kiss briefly. Your face got hot really fast again. Good morning indeed.

You didn’t respond, you just whined playfully and hid your face into his chest. He laughed and wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer to give a couple more kisses.

Well, that morning had given him the answer. Guess after just over a month of meeting you and living with you, he was sure that the feelings he had been nurturing for you were here to stay. And they were very much real.

I am, undeniably, falling for you baby. You make me the happiest I’ve ever been.

 -

As time went on, things between you and Bucky only got better and better.

He was understanding. And he had this ability of switching really flawlessly and really quickly into whatever you needed him to be. On days when you’d wear your collar, he’d be the most perfect dom one can ask for. While you were at work, even when not wearing his collar, he was the most caring man ever. Always calling, and texting and being persistent in taking you out for lunch each day.

You noticed him behaving differently at home than out in public. He was much more protective over you in front of other people.

Then at home, he was much more affectionate. Even clingy at times, but you never minded. You needed him as much as he needed you. You didn’t even realized the exact moment when you were finally able to leave the past back in the past. Memories of Thor did upset you, but they no longer tormented you like they used to.

That was major progress.

Bucky noticed changes too. How you were much more playful and lively with him. How you trusted him with everything, how he didn’t have to constantly coax you into trusting him anymore. You did so naturally, like it were a habit. You were a tad more open now, and he loved it. Bucky liked seeing that you knew you were safe and cared for with him. And he loved the mischievous side of you.

Especially when you pretended like the roles were reversed.

 You and Bucky were spending one lazy Saturday afternoon in your bedroom. Limbs sprawled and tangled with one another in your bed. You were catching up on some reading while Bucky was on the phone, having a lengthy, stressful discussions with one of his assistants about how an employee messed something up pretty bad.

Eventually he got off the phone and vented to you about it.

“Unbelievable these fucking idiots! They keep fucking up and think that apologizing makes it better. It fucking doesn’t. They have no idea how much fucking money their god damn mistakes costs me, do they? Fucking assholes! I swear to God, one of these days I will fucking-,”

You cut him off, and caught him by surprise. You faked the shocked expression on your face, acting like you were livid.

“James Buchanan Barnes!” you chided. “That was six swear words in one breath! You just earned yourself at least six spanks on the butt. Turn around.” You used some of his usual words to you, mimicking his tone.

Bucky chuckled, amused. “Baby, come on, I-,”

You cut him off again. “What’s that? You’re arguing? Fine, two spanks more. Now turn around.” You faked a stern voice. He laughed and sighed, giving in.

“Fine.” He sounded giggly.

He turned around and chuckled again as you straddled his legs and leaned down to kiss the back of his neck – like he always did to you. “Good boy. Now I want you to count for me.” You whispered in his ear, like he always did to you.

He nodded. You playfully smacked his clothed butt. “Use your words.”

He chuckled. “Yes, miss.”

You smirked. “Good boy.” You kissed the shell of his ear, and he felt a chill go down his spine. Oh this is unfamiliar. But so, so good.

You lowered his sweatpants and smacked his butt cheek through his underwear. And he fought back his laughter to count along with each spank. He tried so hard to play along and not laugh, but as soon as you spanked him one last time, he couldn’t hold back anymore.

He chuckled as you kissed your way up from his lower back to his neck again. “You did so good, baby. I’m so proud of you. No more swearing like that, you hear me?” you mimicked his ‘dom voice’ again, smirking and loving having him under you for a change.

“Yes miss. I won’t do it again, I promise.” He played along a while longer.

You giggled. “Good boy.”

And once you slid off him. He flipped the two of you around yet again, pinning you down on the bed under him again. “Had your fun, babygirl?” he asked, in that voice which could make you wet in one instant. You concluded you could never get used to it. His voice would always affect you the same way; make you weak in the knees with just a few words.

You smiled up at him. Another he loved now was that you could look him in the eyes without being shy and looking away every few seconds. He loved all the intimate moments when you two would just stare into each other’s eyes and communicate without having to speak at all. Like right now.

You giggled, circling your arms around his neck, urging him to lean in closer. “Oh very. You have a really nice butt.” You said, truthfully.

“Yeah?” Bucky was trying really hard not to laugh again. “Time to show you who’s really in control now, huh?” he began slipping his hand down your shorts but just then, the oven’s timer went off from the kitchen downstairs.

And Bucky gave you the funniest disappointed look ever, which sent you into another laughing fit.

“Oh well, would you look at that timing?” you jumped out of bed. “My pies are all done, come on.” You grabbed his hand and tugged him along as you made your way downstairs to the kitchen.

 Your pies were great, Bucky made sure you were careful when pulling the tray out and he was the first one to try it. And he hummed in appreciation, telling you you’re a great baker.

“I can’t thank you enough for letting me bake.” You took another bite. “You’re so much better than my previous master. He would never-,” you stopped talking the moment Bucky looked up from his plate with a stern look on his face.

Oh shit. Realization hit you brutally as you realized what you had just said. It was one of his rules – that you were to never mention Thor again, or call him ‘master’. Besides, it was straight up rude to compare Bucky to that man, Bucky didn’t deserve that.

You swallowed audibly as you waited for Bucky to speak up.

“Y/N?” he always called out to grab your full attention. You swallowed again, clearing your throat as you set your fork down.

“Yes, sir?”

“Playroom. Now.” he ordered. And you didn’t waste any time. You politely left the room, went upstairs and walked into the playroom. You got rid of your clothes and folded them nicely and placed them on the couch and waited by the bed.

Bucky walked in a few minutes after you. You were never scared usually. Even today you weren’t, but you were upset by the look of disappointment on his face. Oh crap. What had you done? Mr. Barnes was always nothing short of kind, and caring and loving towards you. But you just made him think that even now, you think about that brute all the time.

Or worse, now he thought that you always compared him to Thor even when you didn’t.

 Bucky kept his head down as he walked into the room. He wasn’t like this normally, he’d keep his head held high and walk in with power and authority dripping from his gait. But today, he was upset. And disappointed truly.

Was he not enough? Did you really always compare him to that excuse of a dom? Did Thor occupy your thoughts this much even now? After all this time? He thought.

Still, Bucky pushed aside all his emotions and decided to handle this situation like any other slip up from your part. His job was to correct your behavior and make sure you don’t repeat the same mistakes twice.

He cleared his throat once he approached you by the bed.

“You know why you’re here, Y/N?” he asked, his voice and demeanor a stark contrast to what it had been just minutes ago back in the kitchen and your bedroom before that.

You looked down at your feet. “Yes, sir.” You responded. I’m sorry, I know you’re disappointed in me. I didn’t mean it.

“Why?” as usual, he asked to make sure you know that he wasn’t being unfair, or using you for his own pleasure. You two were here for you, because of you.

You swallowed, trying to clear your throat. “Because I broke a promise I made to you, sir. I brought up Thor when I shouldn’t have. I was supposed to leave him in that past. And I didn’t.” You spoke, feeling even worse now that you worded it out loud.

“Right, Y/N. I want you on the bed.” he approached you, you kept your eyes on the dark wooden floor. “I won’t gag you today. I will blindfold you however.” He spoke, his voice void of any emotion. This was the least affectionate he had been in the past weeks. “You will not cum without my permission. I will try to push your limits moderately.” His voice made the hairs behind your neck rise up. Not in fear. In anything but.

He took a step back. “You may use your safe words whenever you feel the need to.” Then he added something which tugged at your heartstrings even if it shouldn’t. “And remember, use ‘winter’ to terminate everything.”

His voice was strict, and deep and clear. His was displeased, clearly. But that hurt. Winter…

No. No I don’t want this to end. I want you, please.

“I said, do you understand me, Y/N?” he asked, letting you know that he was having to repeat himself because you hadn’t been paying attention the first time.  

You tensed up just a little. “Yes, sir.”

 Something shifted in that playroom. You could tell Bucky was hurt. He didn’t talk as much, but he made sure to constantly ask you which color you were at. But other than that, nothing. He did let you know about his next actions and what he was about to do each time, given you were blindfolded. But other than that, nothing. He did give you the occasional ‘good girl’ but he sounded… hurt.

It got to a point where you zoned out, focusing on the hurt in his voice rather than your punishment.

He had you blindfolded. Tied to the bed, arms and legs tied to each bed post. He teased you with the fur flogger first, as usual – caring enough to ease you into it despite it being your punishment. Then the suede, he made you count till ten. Then he used the leather flogger, you concluded that it hurt slightly more than the rest.

He put down the flogger and you felt the bed dip on one side. Then you felt him close to you. “What color, Y/N?”

“Green, sir.” You responded.

He hummed under his breath. “I need you to relax your body for me. Don’t worry, trust me. I won’t hurt you.” he reassured you as you heard him shuffling around.

I know you won’t hurt me, but I did.

You waited for what was to come. You felt him move closer to your lower regions. Bucky kissed your hip bone. Once. Twice. You awaited the touch of his lips a third time, but instead you felt the wet, cold tip of something press against your puckered hole. You gasped and moaned the moment you felt it being pushed further into you; stretching you out pleasurably. You figured it was a plug, lathered in lube.  

You moaned the moment you felt Bucky kiss your lower belly again. “Don’t freak out, Y/N.” he paused, the plug halfway in. “What color?”

Oh please…  “Green.” You almost screamed it out. More. More please.

He pressed the plug further in you; the excess of the lube dripped down your skin, making you tremble and gasp at how cold it was and how good it felt. “Come on, take it all in like a good girl.” he urged you to keep still and let him push it in completely. You moaned when you felt the plug filling you up entirely.

Once it was snug inside you, Bucky got off the bed and stood beside it and watched you squirming. You’re breaking my heart, baby…

He reached for the riding crop, and gently smacked you on your thigh; making you yelp in surprise. You were not new to riding crops, but you were new to experiencing the riding crop and a plug at the same time.

“What color, Y/N?” he asked, then you noticed the change in his voice. He went from hurt, to teasing you again.

Oh…

Fuck… “Green, sir please.” You moaned as he smacked you right on your dripping, throbbing core. You gasped again, feeling hot all over as the tingles eventually faded into pleasure.

You heard him chuckle, then you felt a gentle smack, right on your clit. Oh… more please. You whimpered and whined; feeling your arousal flowing out of you incessantly.

“What’s one of the first things I told you, Y/N? Regarding that excuse of a man?” he was freshening up your memory. Smack. Smack. The riding crop came down rapidly twice on the same spot, on your inner thigh. You moaned.

You calmed your racing heart. “Never to talk about him, and leave him in the past because he was cruel and undeserving of me and my submission.” You answered, thankfully coherently.

“Hmm.” Another smack right on your wet folds. You whined, throwing your head back, tugging on the ropes which held you down and in place in the middle of the large bed. “And what did you do?” he asked again.

Oh fuck… “I… I spoke of him. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have called him ‘master’, or compared you to him, in no way. Good or bad. Ever. I should’ve forgotten about him.” You replied, unsure if you made any sense.

He stopped, dropped the riding crop down and climbed into bed with you. He didn’t untie you, he simply undid the blindfold. And threw that carelessly away as well. You looked up to find him looking down into your eyes. Unmoving.

Oh how you missed looking into his ocean blue eyes…

“You’re not here because you compared me to him. Or simply because you called him ‘master’.” He clarified, his tone stern. “You’re here because you’re mine.” he said, much more gentle this time. He held your chin softly. “You’re mine. I’m your dom, I give you everything. But you still think of him.” Oh… he was hurt.

“I don’t think of h-,” you earned yourself a slap right in between your legs, which only made you moan louder.

“No arguing.” He chided you, less angrily than you expected. “You seem to be unable to forget than man, is that the case?” he asked, in that voice which could bring you to your knees any time, any place.

What? No.

“No, sir. That’s not the case, I promise.” You pleaded. He was so close, but he wasn’t touching you where you needed him the most.

He scoffed. “Promise…” he spoke like he was testing the word on his tongue, and didn’t like it. “You made a promise once, a while ago, to never think about or mention that man. But you broke your promise, didn’t you?” he lazily trailed his finger up and down your wet slit. “You think our promises don’t mean shit to me?” he asked, calm and collected but you could tell he was upset.

This was the first time he used a bad word when addressing to you, in and outside the playroom. Oh Bucky… I’m sorry.

“I’m sorry, sir.” You couldn’t help but apologize. You meant it.

“Are you?” for a moment, you saw the hurt in his eyes. Then it was quickly replaced with an emotion you couldn’t name. “Let’s see if you mean it.”

 He lowered his pants, and settled right in between your parted, tied up legs. He gave the plug a gentle push, making sure it’s still snug inside you. His brief touch sent electricity throughout your body.

“What color?”

“Green.”

 He wasted no time. His hand reached down and he pumped his cock, rubbing it all over your dripping core in the process. You squirmed and moaned when he did so; the tip of his cock rubbing up and down your wet lips, parting them as he circled your clit gently.

You shuddered under him; whining in need. Your body begging him to just take you already and make you his own. Please…please…please. You couldn’t even move, so you had to just stay there and endure his sweet torture.

Bucky pushed into you and sped up immediately. You were dripping so you welcomed him without any hesitation. He moved, rocking his hips against yours and his hand reached up to wrap around your neck gently. He stared into your eyes, speeding up into you again.

“Look at me,” he said, breathily. You did. “Tell me who’s fucking you this good, huh?” he waited for a reply.

You swallowed, whining. “You are, sir.”

He leaned in to kiss your open mouth, shamelessly shoving his tongue past your parted lips and stroking the inside of your mouth. “You’re mine. Do you hear me?” he spat in your mouth, earning a wanton moan out of you.

You didn’t respond as all you could focus on was the feeling of him and the plug deep inside you. Having not responded, you earned yourself a gentle smack on the cheek. “Answer me, Y/N?” he growled, keeping his hand around your throat.

“Yes, sir. I’m yours.” You managed to whisper back to him while he was balls deep in you.

He leaned into to give you a messy kiss again, pounding into you so deep that you got teary again. Not just because of the overwhelming pleasure, and the feeling of being stretched out so thoroughly. But because of all the emotions as well. Guilt, shame, love and affection for him… it was all too much.

“Sir… please.” You begged, not sure what for. Please fuck me harder? Please forgive me I didn’t mean to hurt you? Please believe me, no man makes me feel like you do and I care deeply for you?

He chuckled, slowing down just when you began whining louder. No…

“No, no. Bad girls who don’t abide by the rules and who break promises don’t get to cum so easily.” He was fighting his own need to just take you hard and fast and not stop until you both cum hard. But he had mastered control, so he slowed down easily to torture you more.

He didn’t pull out of you. He just stayed completely still. You whined and squirmed and moaned and begged. Oh you begged like you had never before. The plug, his cock, the emotions – it was a lot to handle all at once. You needed a release. You needed it badly.

Please…please…please… I’ll be good, I promise.

“Who owns you?” he asked again, wanting to make you say it despite knowing that your mind was a foggy mess.

“You do, sir.” You whimpered, your body hot and throbbing. Needy.

He chuckled again, kissing down your neck and nibbling around your breasts. He hummed, biting down on your skin, hard. He left behind a mark.

“And who fucks you so good that you almost lose your mind every time, huh?” he moved again, catching you by surprise by how deep he thrust in you.

“You do, sir…” You moaned again as he bit and licked the skin beneath your jaw, all while slamming into you relentlessly; stretching you out and pounding into you like his life depended on it. You didn’t realize when he had removed the plug. But fuck, even the void felt good.

You tugged on the ropes, moaning wantonly, knowing you couldn’t but desperately wanting to wrap your arms around him and hold him close as he took you higher… higher…

“You’re all fucking mine, and no one else’s. You hear me?” he growled. “Mine.”

I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you. You didn’t know if you just said it mentally or verbally apologized as well.

You felt a pressure forming around your lower region, Bucky quickened his pace and pounded into you harder than before; the sounds of your skin slapping one another resonated around his playroom. You cried out in pleasure as your orgasm washed over you violently, without a warming.

Your walls clenching around his cock triggered his own orgasm. His thrust got deeper and lost their rhythm as he came right after you.

Your brain was foggy from then on. You remember bits and pieces. You remember him untying you rapidly. You remember letting go and letting him hold you. Cradling you in his arms like you were a baby. Baby…

“You’re okay, baby. You’re with me, now. I’m here.” He kissed your forehead. Or was it your lips. Did he say ‘I love you’?

Did you say you loved him back?

 Then you remember coming out of that headspace and realizing you were in the bathtub with him. Weird. This bathroom was different.

“We’re in my bathroom, baby.” he answered your question before you even asked. He took you to his bedroom after playtime?

You tried speaking but your body just felt sore. So you gave up and snuggled to the source of warmth closest to you – which was Bucky’s chest. Your head was tucked under his chin and you clung to him like a baby koala to a tree.

He ran a hand down your back, soothing you. While his other arm held you securely against his chest, your torso pressed to his. It took you a little while to reorient yourself. His loving words helped.

“You’re with me baby, don’t you worry about a thing. You’re okay, we’re okay. I’ve got you.” he repeated over and over again.

Once you recovered. Your eyes watered, just thinking back at what you did. It was unfair, to Bucky. Here he was, taking care of you and making your life better in every way. And there you were, back in the kitchen, casually comparing him to Thor like Bucky was nothing special.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized, sniffling and trying your hardest to hold back your tears. You noticed something different when you tried to swallow down the lump in your throat. Where’s your collar?

You pulled away from under his chin, looking at him in confusion and fear. Did he… take it back? He smiled at you and all your worries vanished.

“Don’t worry, angel. It’s right outside in my bedroom. You can wear it later.” He circled his arms around you. “Are you hurting?” he asked, leaning in for a brief kiss.

You blinked and two hot tears fell down your cheeks. He was quick to wipe them away. You could feel the heat radiating off him, and despite being surrounded in warm water, his body heat was your favorite warmth.

“I’m sorry.” You held back a sob.

He sighed, smiling again. “Hey, it’s over. You have nothing to apologize for, my little pearl.” He cooed, and leaned in to kiss your forehead.

He wasn’t taking you seriously, thinking you hadn’t stepped out of that headspace just yet. So you reached up and grabbed his face, pressing your lips to his. You kissed him deeply. He was surprised, but he kissed you back quickly. You pulled away gently after a few seconds.

“You’re not listening to me.” You said, in all seriousness. This wasn’t sub you talking to her dom, this was you talking to Bucky – the man who had taken over your entire heart.

He caught the seriousness in your voice. “Hey babe…” he was worried for a second. Had he overstepped a line? “I’m listening, go on.” He sat up straighter, with you still in his lap.

Babe…

“I’m sorry.” You finally looked up at him. His ocean blue eyes were soft, and he had a faint smile on his face. “You didn’t deserve that. What I said in the kitchen earlier, I shouldn’t have.”

He opened his mouth to oppose but you spoke up before he could. “It was wrong to even compare you to that animal. I did it so casually, without thinking. You don’t compare me to your past subs, you never even talk about them. And I never understood why.” you paused. “I do now.”

He looked at you, silently asking ‘why?’

You cupped his face in your hands. “Because be it good or bad, people from our past have no room here between us. They’re in the past for a reason. Now I’m here, with you. And that’s all that matters. My past doms, your past subs, they don’t belong here in our present anymore. They shouldn’t be.”

You kept going. “It’s not about, comparing you to him. It’s about him in general. Thor is my past, and from here on now, that’s where he’ll remain. He has no room here.” You were tearing up again. “You mean so much to me. I need you to know that. I know I don’t say it often, but you should know that. You’re the only one I want, and need.”

I love you. I’m sure of it now. I love you. You wanted to add, but didn’t.

Bucky’s lips parted. This was probably the most intimate, heartfelt thing anyone had ever told him. It took him a moment to process it all.

“Oh baby…” he pulled you in for a hug. You laid your head on his shoulder and cried. “Shh, hey calm down angel. I’ve got you. I’m so happy you finally got what I meant by that. I probably should’ve worded it a little better to begin with.” he calmed you down. “Baby, look at me.”

You pulled away and looked at him. He didn’t say anything, he just leaned in for a sweet kiss. And pulled away a few seconds later.

“You never asked me about that before?” he sounded much relieved that earlier. And he was.

“About what?” you questioned.

He took a breath. “About my past subs.”

Well, since you were pouring your hearts out today… “Is there anything you wish to tell me?” you asked, genuinely thinking you were ready for whatever he was about to tell you.

He smiled. Not his usual charming smile, but a sad one. “I wish to tell you why she left.”

Huh? You couldn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to spend the rest of their lives with Bucky. Your silence gave him a green light to continue.

“Her limits and mine weren’t compatible. We, weren’t compatible. Her tastes were… intense. And I couldn’t give her enough. Because certain things she preferred made me uncomfortable. And I was hesitant to even experiment.”

He paused. He was letting you see a side of him no one’s ever seen before. His vulnerable side. And he didn’t even know why he chose right here right now to pour his heart out. He looked up again, and stared into your eyes.

He continued. “So one day, she up and left. Telling me I was not good enough, and never will be.” You felt a weight on your chest at his words. “Telling me I wasn’t ‘dominant’ enough. And I was, and I quote, too soft and too cowardly to be a dom.” He paused. “End quote.” He smiled. That same, sad smile.

Oh…

He continued. “I sort of gave up after she left, thinking she might have been right. I was alone for years, I was incomplete. I didn’t want to change how I was either, because…” he trailed off, searching for the right thing to say. “Because that’s not me.” He sounded so vulnerable and he was aware. But he felt the need to tell you, there was no need to hide anything from you.

But then he looked into your eyes again, and his face lit up. “But then I found you.” He didn’t have to say anything else after that. You understood.

You leaned in for a hug. “Well,” you sniffled as you hugged him tightly. “She’s just mean. You’re perfect. More than perfect. You’re good to me. You’re caring, and loving and kind, and polite.” You pulled away and saw a genuine smile on his face. “You’re the best dom ever. And if it makes you feel any better, your voice alone makes me want to drop to my knees and serve you however you’d like.”

He chuckled. Then laughed and pulled you in for a kiss. “That makes me feel loads better.” He mumbled playfully against your mouth. You giggled and kissed him again.

 You two stayed in the bath until the water got cold. He helped you in stepping out of it, dried you with a towel, and wrapped you in a warm, fluffy robe.

“Stay with me tonight.” He said, once you stepped out of the bathroom and inside his bedroom.

“You mean, sleep in your bed?” you asked, just to confirm.

This was new. He nodded. “Please, baby?”

You smiled. “Sure.”

 You got in bed together, naked under the covers. You talked for a while longer, and laughed at each other’s terrible jokes. You talked about your work, and co-workers you don’t particularly like or find rude. And he talked about his work, and how he hates certain clients and stuck up business partners.

The conversation flowed effortlessly.

He held you against him, spooning you; he knew you were tired after playtime so he kissed and cuddled you until you fell asleep. He didn’t drift off to sleep right away though. He was up, thinking…

At some point he looked down and gave you a kiss on your forehead. Then he saw it, you had left your collar on the bedside table. Right now, in his arms, wasn’t just his sub. It was you.

Fuck. He realized. He was in love.

 -

Everything was going smoothly. Your relationship with Bucky was healthy, and satisfying to both of you. You had gotten comfortable with wearing his collar out, not for work but other places, and it filled him with pride and adoration when he saw you wearing it proudly out in public.

Things were great between you two. You learnt more and more about him. And him, you. There was never a time when you felt disrespected, or any less than an absolute priority to Bucky. Not even in his playroom, when he was controlling your very being and using your submission to please both of you.

You even caught yourself smiling at the thought of your very caring, very affectionate dominant throughout the day at work. And your heart constantly reminded you that you were falling for him, uncontrollably. How could you not? He was everything one can look for in a partner.

You could see your relationship with Bucky taking a beautiful, beautiful turn. He could see it too, even though neither of you commented on it. He just waited for the day he could finally tell you how he feels. And that day wasn’t too far.

After that day, after that talk in his bathtub, things changed. For the better. You hadn’t confessed to each other yet, but you two sure acted like lovers – not just dom and sub.

Things were great.

But, there was one problem.

Bucky had been safeguarding a secret since the day you first met. Since the day he brought you and welcomed you warmly into his home and his life. And one way or another, that secret would be out someday, he dreaded it – knowing it would break both you and him. Potentially breaking you apart for good.

And he didn’t know it would all happen so quickly. He didn’t know that one day, much sooner than he expected, the secret would be out so brutally that neither of you expected it.

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: East Blue (Part One)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby  || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

so!! hey folks. as i’ve mentioned before, to mark the upcoming chapter 1000 (holy shit!!) as well as my blog’s first anniversary this december, i decided it would be a good time to go back and put together some highlight reel posts of my favorite panels/moments/scenes from each saga and some commentary about what i think the best parts of each arc and the series as a whole are and why, as a celebration of just how far one piece has come and how many fantastic moments we've had so far! 

this will be quite a series of rather long posts- they’ll all be tagged #the voyage so far, if you’d like to avoid this messy retrospective. i'll be posting one saga a day each day until chapter 1000's official release on january 3rd!

honestly, i’m opening with this panel because it has a special place in my heart: i’m pretty sure it was the first time that one piece ever made me laugh. 

the entire prologue does a really good job of setting up the tone for the entire rest of the story. i think i haven’t really written much about it before, but i really love romance dawn. it hits the exact mix of humorous and serious that’s practically one piece’s trademark tone, and introduces us to some of the main themes of the series: inherited will especially, and the theme of freedom, and the idea of betting your life for what you love. 

technically this isn’t the first time we see luffy as an adult- he punches out the sea king before this- but it is his formal introduction, as well as (in the chapter title) the first time he’s referred to as strawhat luffy/mugiwara no luffy. 

i really like a lot of these very early panels of luffy, really. i’m a writing person, not an art person, so i can’t really explain why, but there’s something about how he’s drawn that i think is just delightful for some reason. i like the earlier one piece art a whole lot in general, even though it’s often much less intricate and more simple than the current artstyle (which is not by any means bad either!! it’s just different). i think it fits the atmosphere of the start of the story very well- a journey just starting out. 

he’s going to be pirate king!!

i’ve complained before about how zoro’s backstory doesn’t really hit the way a lot of the others do, mostly because it goes so fast, and kuina’s death is unfortunately the closest the series comes to fridging, but- that said, i do really like the core of it. i really like zoro being motivated by a promise to the one friend and rival he could never beat, and i love how this moment is what he cites later on while facing mihawk: a promise to a friend. 

i love all the strawhats and their dynamics, and seeing the crew grow and develop and become a family over the course of hundreds of chapters is one of the great joys of one piece, but i think i’ll always have a soft spot for luffy and zoro’s relationship. there’s never really any conflict between them after their very first meeting; there’s loyalty and dedication and understanding there that starts from this moment and never really wavers.

it makes me grin to see the two of them, here at the start of it all. they don’t have a flag or a ship or a destination, yet, but this is the start of the strawhat pirates.

this series will probably reveal that i have a great weakness for group shots, and i think oda is particularly good at them- especially in these earlier arcs, you can usually see every character’s personality and feelings coming through in how they’re placed and what they’re doing. 

i had actually forgotten that usopp did this, and while i know kuro was egging him on on purpose, i feel like he doesn’t get enough credit for being a reckless idiot sometimes. there’s a reason he fits in as a strawhat, after all, even if he himself isn’t always aware of it. 

this is a lovely panel just on its own, but i think it (and all the other appearances of sunrise and dawn in the story) hits different now, with all the 'coming dawn’ theming that’s been established in recent arcs. 

oda often absolutely nails his use of negative space to emphasize heavy little moments like this, and i for one absolutely love it. this one in particular gets me in the heart. 

i like how you can reread some of these early arcs and see nami’s affection for the crew growing in little moments like these, and it’s very sweet, but there’s also a quiet kind of sadness in knowing she’s spending the whole time knowing she’s going to have to betray and leave them eventually. 

i LOVE the new crewmate toasts. they all always look so happy.

also, in my opinion, this is the first time the strawhat pirates feel like a proper crew. they have a SHIP now! and just after this, they get their jolly roger to seal the deal. 

it is my opinion that sanji has one of the best character introductions i’ve ever seen. in just a few chapters we know just about everything we need to know about him: he's not to be fucked with, he has extremely high respect for food and absolutely none for morons, and the first genuine smile we see from him is when he gives a free meal to a starving man. 

i think about this moment a lot, really. luffy knows almost nothing about sanji at this point. he hasn’t tasted his food- he doesn’t even know his name. but he’s seen sanji give free food to gin for no other reason than that he’s hungry and it’s right, and that’s all it takes for luffy to decide that sanji is gonna be his cook. 

baratie is mostly a serious arc (and leads into the even more serious arlong park), but it has some really good funny moments towards the start and this is one of them. you know they’re friends because they all just start roasting luffy without sympathy or hesitation. 

i’ve mentioned before that the zoro and mihawk fight was one of the big things that hooked me on one piece (the other being sanji’s backstory), but the way it ends, especially, is one of my favorite moments in the whole series. i love,, strawhat loyalty moments. carve “any complaints, pirate king?” on my fucking grave. 

sanji has a lot of really great action panels in this arc, but this is one of my favorites mostly because his combat abilities are being revealed to the audience at the same time they’re revealed to a lot of the characters watching. i can’t remember who pointed it out but sanji’s character design (especially pre-timeskip) just really looks like he’s designed for kicking- shiny black shoes, about 70% leg- and it really shows in panels like this. 

sanji and zeff’s chronic inability to communicate is kind of the emotional core of baratie, and i think sanji calling the restaurant zeff’s treasure sums up the entire conflict between them very neatly. of course zeff values sanji way more than the restaurant, but zeff will never tell that to his face and sanji has negative zero self-worth so he’s never going to figure it out on his own. so they’re basically in a stalemate. 

sanji’s backstory is absolutely brutal. we spend a truly agonizing amount of time literally just watching him slowly starve to death. it’s no secret that oda is really amazing at backstories, but i think sanji’s is probably one of the most effective at driving home exactly where his very specific mindset as an adult comes from. it’s hard to even read this section and not come away with at least a little more appreciation for food. 

(to be continued in east blue part two!)

[spvce-cowboy]

Requests and those prompt pages you shared make me go full on thot...but soft

Frankie with "when one of them has never had a proper birthday party for whatever reason, and their lover makes it their mission to give them the best day ever, followed by “you didn’t have to do all this for me. just being with you is enough.” “i know. but i thought you deserved ?’’ and their lover smiles, a kiss is shared"

And maybe the dialogue prompt "I wanted to say I love you for the first time without stuttering, but that failed"

Is that too much? Too weird? I'd be happy for either one :)

soft thots are the best thots no one can convince me otherwise 😌😌😌

i added a lil... somethin somethin to this bc i honestly just couldn’t resist.

--

frankie always lets his birthday pass quietly. it’s been that way since you’ve met him--he usually preferred a quiet night out with his friends, maybe ordering some nice meal in, but never anything big. 

he firmly resisted your suggestions of throwing a party in celebration for the first two years you were together, not adamantly, but with enough gentle insistence that you knew to back off. you could tell that there was some weight there, something unspoken that made him dark and moody during the week that lead up to the day, but you figured he’d let you know on his own time, if ever.

so you’re more than a little nervous for the surprise dinner you had spent the past month planning. you’d coordinated his whole crew to fly back to Texas for his birthday weekend, figured maybe after the year Frankie had had it would be a nice break, if not to celebrate then to distract. 

you made the delta force boys well aware of it, that if he didn’t want to do anything official the lot of your would play along without insisting anything more. the sparklers and cake you were hiding in the kitchen was purely optional, depending on how you read Frankie’s mood after the surprise reveal.

you’re all nerves for the entire day leading up to the party. luckily, Frankie is out of the house for most of it, and you told him you’d take him to a fancy dinner so he’d come pick you up from the apartment straight from work, already dressed in the suit jacket and button-down you’d picked out for him.

the boys and their dates help you with the last of the preparations--you’ve spent most of the day cooking, so they set up the table while you change into a pair of heels and Frankie’s favorite sundress of yours. you take one calming breath before stepping out of your bedroom and back into the fray.

the click of the lock sliding back is the only warning you get as Frankie shoulders the door open. his hands are busy with something and he has his back turned to you as he throws his keys on the side-table by the door.

“hey, sweetheart--listen i called the restaurant about our reservation and they said they didn’t have anything down under your name so i made something for--”

and he freezes, eyes wide with utter disbelief at the scene in front of him.

you’re in the center of the gathered group, made up of the delta force crew as well as some other friends from work. the house is warm with the smell of dinner, with a few, sparse decorations mostly consisting of candles and thin, paper wall hangings.

you give him your biggest possible smile as you and your guests burst out in a synchronous:

“happy birthday!”

the grin Frankie gifts you with is enough to have made all the anxious planning worth it. he crosses the distance between the two of you in a few quick strides. cradled in the crook of his arm is a bouquet of flowers, which he hands to you with a still-shocked “thank you, baby,” after kissing your cheek. then the boys start crowding around him in a mass of back-clapping hugs and loud laughter.

once he makes his rounds to greet everyone and finishes the beer Santi placed in his hand as soon as he handed you the bouquet, Frankie places a hand at the small of your back and ducks his head to speak directly into your ear.

“can i talk to you for a second, on the balcony?” 

there’s a quavering quality of seriousness in his tone that catches you utterly off-guard. you lick you lips and try to feign a confident smile as you nod, leading the way. you can practically hear your own heartbeat, a frantic pulse in your ears.

he clears his throat after closing the sliding glass doors behind himself. your eyes widen further as you realize he’s flexing his hands in that way that he does when he’s trying to get them to stop shaking.

your heart drops to the pit of your stomach as he guides you away from the doors and into the sequestered corner of the balcony, where you’d spent the better half of last week replanting your pollinator bushes in preparation for the summer. the bulbed fairy lights he’d helped you install last summer were still holding up, casting the balcony in warm hues of pink and orange. your brain seems to work on over-time, utterly unsure of what the fuck could possibly be going on. 

“first, i just want to thank you for planning all of this. it um--i really wasn’t expecting it, so, surprise well planned and all,” he gives a nervous laugh, rubbing his hand over the lower half of his face as his eyes flick towards the flood of light emanating from the living room on the other side of the sliding doors. in the quiet that follows, you can barely hear the chatter of music and conversation from the people inside because you genuinely can’t read the pained expression on Frankie’s face right now and that has literally never happened before and honestly you’re utterly terrified. 

because it sure as hell felt like he was about to give you an ultimatum.

so you do what you always do whenever you get freaked out. you start to babble.

“listen, i--i’m really sorry, i know you usually like to keep things low key and everything but Santi texted me that he was thinking of coming up and surprising you so then i thought that maybe i could reach out to the whole team too but i can totally tell them to leave and you guys can just do your own thing and--” you cut yourself off because the look he’s giving you now is just confused. you take in a gulp of air, these next words just as rushed as the previous ones were. “please don’t break up with me.”

Frankie’s jaw hangs open for a second.

and then he starts laughing.

full-body laughing, his face breaking out into that great big smile that you were so relieved to see not even a half-hour ago. but now you’re as confused as he once was.

“i was... i was going to do this later tonight, over dinner but, given the circumstances...” he’s trying to fish something out of his suit jacket’s pocket.

the realization slams into you like a brick wall.

because holy shit he’s trying to fish something out of the suit jacket pocket.

you half realize what’s happening and you half don’t, because he’s balancing a small velvet box in the palm of his hand which he holds in the space between the two of you like he’s cradling a small bird and holy fuck you were absolutely in no way prepared for this of all things.

you think he knows as much because when you look up at him with tear-filled eyes, your hand raised to your mouth in shock, he has a bit of a sheepish look on his face.

“i know it’s a lot,” he clears his throat. “and you don’t have to say yes right away but i just... i wanted to let you know that if you wanted this, it would make me the luckiest man in the world to be able to give it to you. whenever you’re ready and i--i’d love to be able to celebrate this,” he opens the box. the ring is beautiful, simple but delicate and understated and perfect. absolutely perfect. “to celebrate us around this time of year, too. i’d love that more than anything.”

“i--Frankie,” you rip your gaze from the ring in his palm, lip wobbling as your tears begin to fall. christ, you had no idea how full your heart would feel. you thought, in fantasy, that you would but it was nothing compared to this. “Frankie, i wanted tonight to--” 

“you don’t have to say anything now, if you don’t want to,” his words are as rushed as you feel, a bit frantic. “i understand if it’s too much for right i just thought i should make my intentions--”

you shut him up with a kiss.

“yes,” your voice is infinitely firmer than you expected it to be, you kiss him again, as if it could serve as punctuation. “yes, yes--a million times, yes.”

he laughs against your mouth in turn, wrapping both arms around your waist and lifting you up in the air without breaking the kiss. 

placing you gently on the ground, both your and Frankie’s hands are shaking so hard that he can barely put the ring on you. it sits on your ring-finger perfectly. you can’t bring yourself to take your eyes off of it for more than a second. neither can he.

someone turns the music up inside, the heightened volume of chatter is the only thing to break your combined reverie.

Frankie tucks you into his side with an arm slung over your shoulders, kissing the crown of your head. there’s a rare ease to his posture that you can already see yourself getting used to. 

“let’s see if they notice,” he whispers in your ear with a mischievous wink. you don’t think you’ve ever seen his eyes so bright. grinning, you lean further into his side. the two of you step back into the living room.

[unprofessional-bard]

Chapter 12 - The Development, Pt. II

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: TW!!! Mentions of depression/anxiety, lack of appetite and suicide; jealousy (the reader is Angry™️); talks of (unwanted) pregnancy and miscarriage (cult activities).

Summary: Who would've thought a dinner and a bouquet of flowers would ever bare bad omens?

Word Count: 5.588

Author's Note: I apologise for the repost! I forgot to do my taglist + the tags didn't work for me so let me try this again. This is a whole chunk of angst and nothing more. I'm sorry about this but it is going to get darker :')

Enjoy!

gif credit: winterswake

"Oof, this wasn't your greatest idea, you know that right?" You sighed anxiously, hands on your hips.

"I've done many things that weren't so great, sweetpea," Joel wiped his wet hands on the cute little apron around his waist after he put the vegetables he had cut into the bowl which was on the counter next to the cutting board: "We both know it, but this totally ain't one of 'em."

He carried another bowl to the dining room where you stood, gave your exposed neck a brief kiss as he passed by. Kiki and Ward were going to arrive anytime now for Joel's infamous dinner plan. When he put the bowl down, he scanned the table with a puzzled expression: "Why are there two more plates?"

You leaned your weight on one leg as you grabbed the edges of the chair, which stood at the head of the table: "I... invited Tommy and Maria over, too–"

Joel's expression made you feel guilty: "(Y/N)."

"What?" You spoke defensively, a nervous expression on your face and tone to your voice. "It was going to be awkward as shit otherwise."

"You don't know that," He growled. "Not when you pull stunts like this."

"I don't care," You emphasised each word, exhaustion present in your stance. "Better safe than sorry, Joel."

He nodded disapprovingly and walked back to the kitchen as you stood there, your head hanging with a sigh. You slowly raised it up, hands on your hips again, then turned your head to the side just enough for him to hear you over the sound of the steamer: "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," He said when he walked past you, carrying the last piece of dish to the table. His anger wasn't for nothing, you accepted what you did was an ass move.

"You're right." You huffed, which made him look at you. "I'm not sorry for inviting Tommy and Maria over, but I am sorry for upsetting you."

His tense stance eased slowly at your words, then he proceeded to mirror your chair holding pose, huffing quietly: "Well, one of us is gon' have to eat less, I'm more worried about that."

"I'll gladly volunteer, I lost my appetite." You rubbed your eyes, which sported dark circles underneath them– which worried Joel.

He stepped closer to you, reaching for your hip with his dominant hand and began rubbing soothing circles there: "No. You eat. Don't think for a second I didn't notice how you started eatin' less." This whole ordeal was getting to you more than you cared to admit. It had been eight days since your decision to arrange dinner with them, but it clearly didn't escape Joel's notice. You looked down, ashamed, running a hand through your hair nervously: "Hey, look at me," Joel gently took your chin between his fingers and lifted your head up, his nose inches away from yours. The three knocks on your door didn't stop him from saying: "You're worryin' over nothin', sweetheart. It's gonna be alright."

"We'll see," You looked into his eyes with a blank stare, gulping, giving his hand a light squeeze before walking to the door, collecting yourself in the meantime. From the small windows on the door, it wasn't hard to tell the brunette couple had arrived. You took a deep breath as you opened the door with a sincere smile: "Hello there– Come in, welcome."

"Hi!" Kiki grinned and Ward just offered an awkward resemblance of a smile.

After escorting them to the living room, you spoke: "Joel's getting finished in the kitchen, then we can have dinner."

"Joel's cooking?" Kiki gave you an alien look. It wasn't a my goodness what a man I bet he cooks real fine tone, but more a genuinely confused one.

"Uhm, yes?" You lightly flinched but smiled still, equally confused at her question. Giving a brief look at Ward, you noticed how he was staring hard at her and she was pointedly ignoring him. "Don't worry, he actually cooks better than me... haha."

You stared into each other's eyes for five seconds, both of your irises reflecting a pair of question marks at each other, then she let out an odd laugh: "Oh! If you say so... What a beautiful garden you got– Lots of flowers."

"Why, thank you," You smiled a little nervously. "I like taking care of flowers and plants..."

"Oh really? I do– did too, once upon a time..." Kiki did an exaggerated smiley face. "I should bring you some, then!"

"That's very kind of you," You felt yourself soften a little at her words. "Well, how have you both been? Feeling like you two are fitting in? I hope people aren't giving you trouble."

"Oh," Kiki looked at Ward for the first time, who's gaze was focused on you now. "No, I think we started to fit in better–" Ward nodded in agreement, his head turning in her direction: "Gets better every day."

"That's good news," You quietly huffed out a breath of relief, nodding at her words, which was when Joel walked in to greet them, and also when there was another pair of knocks on the door. This time, thank God, it was Tommy and Maria.

The dinner went without a hitch, to say the least. Although it had it's awkward moments, Tommy and Maria always picked it up one way or another. Delicious meals were eaten and wines from your collection with Joel were opened– it was pleasant to a certain degree. You and Joel sat across each other on the other ends of the table, Maria and Tommy sat to your left while Kiki and Ward sat to your right. Kiki was seated by your side, but she mostly had her attention on your husband. She didn't drink, but Ward did, and after his second glass, he seemed to relax more.

When it was time to carry all the plates back to where they came from, Joel and you carried the first party. When you placed them in the sink, and he on the counter, he softly grabbed your hand: "See? Wasn't that bad, was it?"

It sort of was, for you anyway, as much as you tried to calm your nerves with the wine: "Thanks to Tommy and Maria, yeah." Joel sighed through his nose and looked away for a moment: "What?"

"We'll talk about it in the morning." Joel let your hand go, but didn't move away.

"What is there to talk about?" You spoke, frustrated, your arms opening slightly in a gesture. Right then, your eyes moved over his shoulder to the doorway. He turned around to see it was Maria with two of the rect platters in her hands.

"Joel, why don't you go back? (Y/N) and I'll handle it from here." She spoke as she walked over to where you two were, then placed the platters on the counter. He gave you one last look before nodding and walking back inside. As soon as he left, Maria stood very close to you and turned on the water: "You wanna tell me what's going on with you?"

"Not really," You quickly started to wash the plates and she helped with the leftovers.

"(Y/N)," Maria spoke more seriously. "There's obviously something wrong–"

"I didn't say there wasn't, I just don't wanna talk about it right now." You said, turning your head to her a little but not looking her in the eyes. "Please, Maria, I appreciate you and your concern, but–"

"Mind if I help?" Kiki suddenly appeared with more service in her hands, startling you both.

"Not at all," Maria replied in your stead. "I'll leave you two to it, I need to use the bathroom."

You closed your eyes, exhausted, then begged for patience as Kiki replaced Maria's place next to you. She kept a distance, which you also appreciated. After a brief moment of silence, she spoke: "The food was delicious, I'm surprised Joel helped you prepare all of this."

You tried– God knows your tried not to look for a double meaning behind her words, but you failed: "Well, as I said, he cooks better than me."

"No, I mean, he just really helps you around, y'know? Serving, preparing, cleaning..."

You turned to face her, closing the sink, and took a proper look at her: "What's so weird about it? We're partners– Married– There's no helping out, we do it together, as it should be."

"Oh, don't get me wrong," She said after a while, her smile unsettling. "It's just that, I always do the cooking, and preparing, and cleaning. That's what I was taught, while Ward..."

You bit down on your tongue hard as you finally understood what she was getting at, the realisation making you blink once and long, then look away. A silent oh left your lips while you thought about how to respond, forcing a small smile to your lips: "Well... Uh– Why don't you go back, I'll take it from here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I got this, you're our guest, after all."

She smiled and nodded, heading back. As soon as she turned around you let out a silent, heavy breath, looking a little bewildered and disturbed at the things she had said. You stood still for a few moments, then ultimately decided to wash your face, so you took it up to the bathroom.

When you woke up the next morning, you had a mild headache from the wine, no doubt. Joel was nowhere to be found, which had you worried for a second, then you realised it was near noon. After washing your face, you dragged yourself downstairs and once you made it to the kitchen, you found Tommy, Eugene and Joel sitting quietly at the table.

"Mornin' princess," Eugene grinned at you, a cup in his hand. Joel and Tommy had more serious, even a little worried looks on their faces.

"Hey," You waved at them and dragged your feet to the cupboard where you kept your coffee, only to find you had ran out of the beans.

"How're you feelin'?"

"I'm fine... What kinda question is that?" You chuckled.

The brothers shared a brief look before Tommy slowly got up, walked towards the island counter and leaned against it with his elbows: "Listen, (Y/N), we're all a bit worried about you."

"I'm not!" Eugene said clearly. "I mean, I am, but not in the way they are– What's going on with you and the newcomers?"

You stared at the brothers, hard, then turned to Joel: "Is this the new town gossip, then?"

He huffed, crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back in his seat: "It ain't nothin'. We were talking about last night," He gestured between himself and Tommy. "Eugene overheard, expressed his own worries 'bout them and wanted to talk to you."

You felt so exposed –out in the open– with the spotlight moving onto you once more. Your eyebrows furrowed as Joel held your gaze for a while, the other men too scared to interfere; until Eugene spoke: "Look, (Y/N), I get what worries you, even if these two bimbos will say there's nothing wrong. I'm here to vouch for ya."

"Thanks," You shrugged and nodded. You felt embarrassed at the three pairs of eyes waiting for a response from you– speaking to Eugene alone about what actually worried you would've made you feel much better, but you just told them about the interactions between you and Kiki. The more you spoke, the more frustrated you got, which ironically made you close up more.

"Which reminds me," He said some time after you mentioned her offer to bring you a flower. "Do you have, uh, mugwort in your garden?"

The abrupt change of topic caught you off guard, but you still said yes, I think so and walked out from the back door, the old man tailing you. The sun immediately burned down on your skin, but a gentle breeze lightened the load on your shoulders as it accompanied you to the edge of the garden.

"Look, I don't actually need mugwort," He said when you sat down on your knees. "If you wanna say something to me that you think they won't understand, now's your chance."

You moved on with your digging quietly while he waited, then finally, without looking at him and venom dripping from every word you spoke, you sighed: "Kiki has eyes for Joel."

Eugene coughed loudly at your cold words, a hand on his chest: "Shit, (Y/N)..."

"Everyone, including Joel, seems oblivious to this– I'll probably get accused of petty jealousy if I tell them, but since you've had your fair share of weird run-ins with her, I think you should know."

He remained quiet for awhile as you worked with the plant, then finally huffed: "That's not a jealous face from what I can see, it's the face of a woman who's sensing something's gonna go wrong."

You finally looked up at him, your cold expression turned soft because of his sympathy, then looked back down: "I'm losing sleep over some stupid– bitch– God, I was... I've been trying to convince myself that it's nothing, but–"

"It's not nothing, (Y/N)." Eugene spoke firmly, grabbing your shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Something's clearly not right with those two, and you've a right to get worried, 'cause I'm guessing it's not just Joel you're worried about."

You gulped, wiped some sweat off the corner of your brow with your wrist, then nodded.

"Well," He took the plants from your hands. "Thanks for this, and, just know that you're not alone. If you ever wanna talk more about this, you know where to find me. Don't be a stranger."

You did pay Eugene a visit a few days later to talk more about them. You felt more comfortable talking to him alone, and you were talking to him because you didn't want to add more to Joel's tension and strain your relationship again. It also felt good to just talk about the whole thing and have someone who understood you.

You had told him that you had no doubts about Joel's intentions, but about Kiki's and hers alone. He had told you he understood and told you that his door was always open if you needed to talk again, so you went to him a second time in a cool afternoon after Kiki had appeared out of nowhere.

"Flowers! As promised!" She smiled brightly, giving you a tiny bouquet of mixed, yellow flowers.

"Oh, wow," You carefully took the bouquet from her, smiling at the sight and feeling genuinely happy for a moment that she actually did something like this. "Thank you, Kiki."

"Don't mention it," She smiled sincerely and initiated smalltalk, then went about her business. After you closed the door, however, reality came crashing down.

You went to see Eugene then: He had just returned from patrol, so the moment you saw him, you grabbed him and went back to your house. A very old book you owned, The Meanings of Flowers, laid on the dinner table while you sat at the head of the table again, the older man to your right. Beautiful flowers rested above the book, a pair of each: Carnation, hyacinth, marigold, rose and tansy. You already knew the names of the most thanks to your free time activities, so finding them in the book wasn't particularly hard.

"Damn, (Y/N), you're really gettin' into this, aren't you?" Eugene said when you first explained and laid the flowers in front of him as he sat down.

You read through the pages and sat across him. "I think... I have, uh– What if she's asking for help?"

"How do you mean?" He gave you a look, and when you stared at him a while, he slowly got what you were saying. "You... think that too?"

"It's so obvious," You sighed, a sad expression on your face. "It's the only logical explanation for the way she responds to physical touch. There's more to it than what Ward told me about their past."

"You're right," He huffed, troubled. "Alright, let's see what carnation means."

"Each colour represents something different, but yellow..." What you read made you tense up.

"What?"

"Disdain."

You gave each other a look, then you continued to other flowers: "Hyacinth– Yellow hyacinth is... jealousy."

"Do these even grow in Wyoming?" Eugene was as disturbed as you were. You just shrugged, but you were thinking more about how she came to find these in the first place.

"Marigold– Jealousy, despair... Rose, yellow– Jealousy and..." You gasped shortly, eyes widening at the word.

"What, what is it?" Eugene turned the book to himself a little and his eyes widened slightly as well.

Infidelity.

"Maybe... Maybe tansy means something else?" Eugene flipped the pages as you burned a hole through the table, stunned where you sat. "Hostile thoughts, declaring war... Shit."

He stared at you as you slowly raised your head up and gave him a nasty look, whispering angrily: "Who... Who does she think she is?"

"(Y/N), I– I don't," Eugene knew, like yourself, that this could've been just pure coincidence, but all of the flowers representing almost exactly the same things inevitably had him worried and at a loss for words.

"That little bitch–" Your fists flexed into a fist, your brows drawing together, creating deep lines on your forehead.

"Don't freak out," Eugene grabbed your elbow in a calming gesture.

"She wants him–? She wants a war? I'll give her something worse, she'll regret ever setting foot in–"

"What's going on?" In between your heartbeat ringing in your ear and loud, angry words, you didn't hear Joel come in. Your head snapped towards him, eyes wide open and angry, then turned your head away towards Eugene.

"I think it's best if you sit down." The older man said uncomfortably.

He obliged, never looking away from you as he did. He was clearly worried, careful, but also cross; it wasn't hard to tell, and you had hoped he wouldn't see what you were up to, but alas...

"You know who brought me these?" You asked, focused at something outside the window.

"I have an idea." His eyes were burning through the side of your face, the tension crushing everyone in the room.

You chuckled bitterly. "You must think I'm crazy."

"I think no such thing," He growled, offended by your accusation. "You don't sleep well, you don't eat– Your worryin's making me worry!"

"The thing is, Joel," Eugene intervened. "She has a right to worry."

He finally looked at him with an exhausted expression: "What?"

"Each of these flowers have meanings in this book right here," He tapped the book. "And they're not good meanings at all."

"See? This is what worries me," He leaned back, crossing his arms. "You're gonna check everything she does or gives?"

"So you want me to stay oblivious to– to things, while Ward is probably physically absuing his wife?" You snapped, your head turning in Joel's direction to meet his quizzical expression. You got up from your chair, leaning in with your hands on the table: "If she was meaning to send a message to us with these flowers, asking for help, and we ignored it? That'd be on me."

"How could it possibly be on you?" He replied angrily. "How would she know that you'd– decipher this message?"

"I told you that I told her about–"

"Enough!" Eugene growled. "She sent her a message, despite what could be happening in their household." You sighed heavily and turned your head to the side, Joel glancing at Eugene as he continued: "All these flowers have one thing in common, Joel, and it's that they've bad meanings. This one?" He held up the marigold: "Jealousy. This one?" The hyacinth: "Also jealousy. And this?" The rose: "Jealousy... as well as infidelity."

Joel leaned back, an irked look on his face: "Wh– What?"

"Tansy– Hostile thoughts." He coughed into his fist as he put the flower down.

"So don't sit there–" You looked at him again, leaning in with your head: "And tell me that I'm worrying over nothing. Just because you have no clue about what's going on around you, doesn't mean it's not happening." You gulped, the barbed wire around your throat present once more, then picked up the book and closed it: "Thanks, Eugene."

He just nodded with a concerned look on his face and watched you walk upstairs. Joel, stunned in place, didn't say a word as the older man got up, tipped his head at him and left. He sat there for some time, by himself and stared at the beautiful flowers. He hadn't seen you like this since the Axel case– sure, you both had ups and downs but it had never gotten this bad since then. To prevent another fall out, he knew this time he had to be a little more alert for both of your sakes, if your accusations were indeed true.

But you both needed to co-operate if something was going to be done about this.

It was close to a week later when Ward opened up again.

Joel and you were a bit tense, even after when he suggested the next day after the flower incident that you both went to Maria to change your patrol schedules. She had said Joel only had one more patrol left with Kiki, while you still had three to go with Ward, which was okay for you especially after you found out that Joel's last patrol with Kiki was a group sweep which involved you too.

Joel was more than relieved too, thinking maybe change of patrol partners will finally ease the tension between you and him, but it seemed you'd remain upset until that last patrol was over with, which was the day after your current patrol with Ward.

You were taking a different route this time, on horseback and it was in the afternoon, a chill breeze was present which took the burning feel of the slowly setting sun off your shoulders. The trees were offering shield from the sun with their shadows, too.

"I overheard people talking about you and Joel."

"Really?" You rolled your eyes. "What were they saying?"

"Something about... having a child."

You turned your head and gave him a stern look, but it wasn't directed at him, then you sighed, the grip you had on your reigns tightening: "It's none of their business."

"Exactly what I told them."

"What?" You turned to face him again, the whip of your head smoother than before, and your voice was softer– surprised.

"I told them to stop talking about something which wasn't their business," Ward casually explained. "They then told me that I had no business listening to them, so I threatened to break their jaw if they didn't shut up."

"Ward..." You gave him a look of disapproval.

"Kidding," He offered a small smile. "Leave out the threatening bit, but it did cause a little argument. Maria was there though... organising this event that's coming up. She defended you, too."

You hadn't taken him to be the type to stand up for people he didn't exactly know: "Ward I–"

"Sorry though, don't know who they were–"

"Thank you."

He blinked, equally surprised at the smallest smile on your lips: "Oh, well..."

"Not many people would do that, I appreciate it," Your grip loosened and you allowed yourself to relax a little. "People tend to get ahead of themselves sometimes."

"Inconsiderate, that's what they are." He growled, but his face was thoughtful and troubled exactly like when he told you of his background. "It just– Gets on my nerves. This whole... baby talk."

"You and mine both," You huffed. "It's just funny how people who have almost no connections to me and Joel talk about it, when him and I haven't even put it out on the table yet." It was true. Neither of you had even said the word out of its nickname context.

"I just hope they won't force you to have one."

You turned your head to him with slightly wide eyes: "How do you mean?"

He remained quiet for a while, probably debating on whether he should share what he meant or not – if he should listen to his needs and get it off his chest, or add more to the bottle when there was no space left in it. He finally spoke: "Kiki had to lie, so that they wouldn't separate or punish us. I was too... paralysed to speak when she said We want to have children out of nowhere. Said that it was the only reason why we decided to date and get married. We had been together for just five months."

A sick lie to get out of an equally sick situation, which normally would've made you feel sick, but in this fucked up world and having done the equally fucked up shit you did, you couldn't bring yourself to feel nauseous; however, it did make a shiver run down your spine, the situation reminding you of the Seraphites in Seattle when an escapee had arrived in Boston, months after the fall of that QZ. She had told horrifying stories about how her and five other people had barely made it past them: They had witnessed 'religious sacrifice's, and the manslaughter from The WLF hadn't helped their case either... She had committed suicide a month after her arrival in Boston.

"By then we started to regret our decision more, because they were forcing us to– To have a child–"

"Hey, look, you don't have to tell me–"

"We lied��" He continued, feeling though as if he wasn't going to get another chance to open up again. "For a long time, it was maybe we're not lucky enough, or God's not willing. They... They went as far as to consider fucking exorcism, and it was all on Kiki, and her alone."

You thought for a moment he was going to cry, with the way his face scrunched up, but he kept going angrily: "I told them it could be biological, they told me she was cursed... I told them, maybe the problem was me, they insisted it was her... Until they finally needed proof that we were actually– You know–"

"God," You quietly gasped.

"I don't– We tried to break up, to end the madness, but they wouldn't listen. I had never touched Kiki other than kisses and hugs, while we were lying to them about– She was a virgin and so was I–"

He stopped for a brief moment when his horse whinnied, you were getting closer to the tall walls surrounding Jackson, then continued hesitantly: "She– finally got pregnant, after a whole year of deceiving them, but the stress of it got to her, I think. She... she miscarried." He gulped, closing his eyes tightly, an unpleasant look on his face. "You can imagine how it was received around the community– We had to run, you see, so we did."

You had reached the gates by then, it was Joel who was at the watchtower and waved at you as you waited for the doors to open. You waved back with a worried look on your face, which he must've spied through his binoculars. After bringing the horse into the stables and handing back your rifles, you stopped him. It was unusually quiet and empty around the southern gate, which was normally empty anyway: "Listen, I just wanna say–"

Before you knew it, a stuck gasp left him. His back was to you, so at first you thought he saw something, but as soon as you stepped to his side: "Ward," He was crying. "Oh– Hey, it's okay..."

He whimpered until he ran out of breath, covering his face with his hands. You didn't know how to react, internally panicking and carefully studying his body language, while feeling like a dick about it. You slowly and carefully put a hand on his back, and at the touch, he immediately collapsed by your feet. He was weeping now, and too close for comfort. You quickly looked around to see if anyone was there, only to find out not a single soul was in your line of sight, except for the slowly and suddenly approaching figure of your husband.

"Ward, get up," You lightly shook him by the shoulder to get his attention, but this only resulted in him leaning closer to your legs. You raised your head to see Joel had come to a stop a couple of feet away from where you stood: "Get. Up."

"You said– You said–" He struggled with trying not to cry and breathing at the same time.

"I said there is a group session if you needed to talk," You spoke, defeated, feeling Joel's burning gaze on your eyelids. "I'm sorry for what happened. I really am, but you need to get up."

He looked up at you to meet your stern, pitying gaze, then wiped at his tears. He nodded a couple of times and slowly got up, sniffling quietly. Without saying another word –even though he looked like he wanted to– and sparing you another look, he readjusted his backpack and walked away as if nothing happened. You stood there and watched him leave with your hands on your hips, then let out an exhausted sigh. You were just thankful that you weren't murdered for the most part, irked because of his sudden breakdown, but you also felt like shit scolding him as you did.

"You wanna tell me what the hell was that all about?" Joel. And he neither sounded pleased nor amused.

"You think I have an idea?" You gave him a hopeless look. "Man just– Suddenly told me the rest of his story and broke down, I don't–" Joel stood with his arms crossed, within your 6 feet radius, but there was nothing soft about it.

He was expecting an explanation, and an explanation he got: "That, Joel? That's what fucking scares me! I hear the shit they went through and I listen to it, waiting for the time he's going to get to the part where I did something to him or someone he cared for– waiting for the time they're going to shoot me or stab me– or you! And then they get like– like that, or do something nice to us, and suddenly I feel like an asshole because they're not bad people in the end, they just need some fucking help!"

You breathed heavily as your hands remained open at your sides after all the gestures and motions, your chest rising and falling very obviously as small sweat and tear droplets rolled down your face: "And they're seeking help in all the wrong places, from the most unsuitable people. I don't know about you, but I'm not mentally capable of taking their load while I have my own to deal with."

Joel took in a short amount of breath, as if to speak, but immediately closed his mouth. He stared into your eyes for what felt like 30 minutes, searching for something– you weren't quite sure what. He looked angry, upset, worried and heartbroken all in the same time.

Finally, when he couldn't speak, you added: "If anything happened to me, I could live with that." You spoke calmly, nodding curtly: "But if anything happens to you? I'll tear this whole goddamn town apart and make sure they can't find a place to hide from me."

Your fidgeting, unfocused eyes suddenly found Joel's hazel ones; you saw through all the anger, fretting and upset at that moment.

It was such an adoring, lovely gaze– Bit by bit, it drained you of all the hate and other ugly emotions pressing down your shoulders; a great sense of solace overcoming you as his big, warm hand cupped your jaw. He leaned in to steal the softest of kisses from your damaged lips– subconscious biting had seen to that, but Joel's softer ones made up for the loss on your side.

Before he could give you the chance to debate on whether you should hug him or not, he pulled back, his hand on your cheek still: "I won't let anything happen to you– To either of us. I promise you." You stared into each other's eyes for another moment, then he placed a most gentle kiss on your temple: "I made some dinner for you, go and eat for me."

You nodded, eyes lowering to the ground, then slowly walked away. Joel was quick to take notice of your broken stance– slumped shoulders, slowed steps and, ah, there goes the hand through your hair. He knew, then, that he had to put more effort into understanding how you viewed the couple and respecting your feelings. Sure, you were prone to worry and overthink, but so was he. Nothing, as far as he knew and had seen, had gotten to you like this before. Something ought to be wrong for you to beat yourself up over it as you did.

But despite everything –despite him still not seeing the way you saw the couple– you were, of course (and without question), his priority. He trusted you and your judgement, and it had always been so.

He just hoped it wasn't too late to show you that.