#I contemplated between doing a hopeful or a somber gif for the last one

[neonscandal]

Gentle Into That Good Night

Chapter 2: Every Grief I Meet

Prequel: Chapter 1: Gentle Into That Good Night

Genre: Fix It, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Mutual Pining

Chapter Word Count: 4.6K

Status: Ongoing

Summary: If Ash thought Eiji was better off without him before, this chapter is an answer that definitively determines that that is not the case.

EXCERPT

“Ash.” His empty apartment swallowed the name as it fell from his lips. The quiet was stifling. It was in these moments of stillness that Eiji’s thoughts would wander. What, after everything they’d experienced, could possibly keep him from reaching out? Had he fallen into more trouble? Had something happened to him? He hated that his mind always tended toward something grave but he knew that there was little else that could possibly keep Ash away from him and him from Ash. This had been proven time and time again in the months they’d spent together.

A/N: This chapter reads a bit differently than the first which is to say that I hope it captures the innate curiosity and contemplation that I think Eiji has for everyone he comes across. I believe it's what put Ash at ease around him in the first place and it continues to prevail as he engages with the world around him. This is probably the last chapter, right?

--

The sun lazily melted into the horizon, swathing the emptying airport terminal in a warm glow. Eiji’s eyes remained hopeful; his breath senselessly caught in his chest as he waited for the last passengers of AL277 to cross the threshold of the gate. As the footsteps thinned and the door closed tightly behind the last of the arriving flight crew, his gaze fell to the floor before him. He sank into an uncomfortable seat which may as well have been a pew.

He'd bore witness to countless reunions, easily numbering in the thousands in the months following his return to Japan. Some were unassuming and dulcet in their intimacy, unbothered by the watchful eyes around them. While others were loud and calamitous to passerby’s as both parties clawed at one another excitedly. Those always managed to pull at the corners of Eiji’s mouth, a sheepish blush creeping across his face as he pondered his intrusion into their rejoicing. Every so often, there’d be a reunion marked by tears, some clearly more somber than others. Those typically drew more curiosity than not as he sought to wonder under what pretenses drew them together once more. While less frequent, Eiji thought about them long after they’d gathered their luggage and left the airport.

A deep sigh emptied his lungs as he sank further into his seat, an errant finger grazing the camera that hang around his neck. Eiji was intimately aware that disappointment was not a resource that suffered diminishing returns. Each day, he came to the airport hoping like hell that the arrival of AL277 would mark the reunion between he and Ash. Yet, every time the door closed behind arriving passengers, without a familiar face in the crowd, the heavy sadness was renewed once more.

“What are you doing here?”

Eiji’s ears perked up, roused from reverie.

“You honestly thought I wouldn’t meet you at the airport? Traffic was really bad and I got out of work later than I thought... I-I worried I’d miss you,” a young man panted, rushing to the inquiring young lady who’d interrupted Eiji’s thoughts. “But there’s no way I’d let you get off that plane without this being the first face you’d see,” the young man shot finger guns overzealously while offering a bouquet. They began a silly exchange of her luggage for his flowers before breaking out into a chuckle. “I’m happy you’re home!” he offered a partial hug while swinging her duffle onto his shoulder.

“I’m… I’m happy you’re here. Thank you for waiting for me. I know we weren’t sure what studying abroad might do to us but-“ she beamed at the man who Eiji deduced was her boyfriend. Even though her words were decisive, she still looked as though the honesty of them could strike her dead from embarrassment. Maybe it was the earnestness of them or perhaps she became suddenly aware of Eiji’s interest in their exchange.

“Aht, I knew nothing would change between us. You’re it for me, in this life and the next. The only place for me is right beside you so what’s one little year in the scheme of a whole lifetime?” The man pulled her hand to his chest, dragging his thumb across a bare ring finger suggestively. “If anything, I’m only glad you’re home so my mom can stop sending me cryptic messages about you being the one that got away. She really doesn’t get the whole long distance relationship thing… that or she thought we broke up and that I was in denial and couldn’t move on. It’s hard to tell.”

“Oh, I know. She’d WhatsApp me every few months saying we should get back together. She just knows you could never do better…” a Cheshire smile spread across her face as she flipped her hair haughtily.

“Uh, you know. You could go BACK to New York for another year or two. Wouldn’t bother me one bit and you wouldn’t meet anyone remotely like me! But, I’ll have you know, quality lines like mine and these good looks? I could totally snag a model or something.”

“I’ll have to inform your mother,” the young woman chuckled, raising the bouquet to provide coverage for a long overdue kiss.

Amused the couple had piqued his interest, Eiji turned on his camera, focused his sight and quietly snapped a picture of their silhouette against the backdrop of the setting sun. He left the couple to their banter as he began the trek home.

“Going home always takes longer than leaving…” he mused absently. He pondered why that was as he studied the preview image of the happy couple on his camera. Perhaps it was that, in going home, he was always empty handed. He left his house each day with an abundance of hope despite having not heard from Ash since he left New York. Each night, his commute was weighed down by a loneliness that was never quelled, even by family and friends. For a moment, he allowed himself a respite to ponder what it would be like when Ash finally crossed the threshold of the gate. What sort of reunion would they have?

“That guy would try to be so cool but I just know the second he gets here he’d be like a little kid,” he speculated wryly. “We’d probably make strangers laugh. Especially if he called me ‘onii-san’, wouldn’t that make people curious?” Externally, he let out a small chuckle which went largely unnoticed by the dwindling number of people still on the train. Looking at the lighting of his latest capture, he found it reminiscent of a photo he’d taken of Ash some time ago. He’d strewn himself along the frame of a window, lost in thought as the sunlight washed over him. Eiji always wondered whether his relaxed demeanor was because he was lost in thought or whether it was that was a piece of Aslan Jade Callenreese he’d just let slip through when he thought Eiji was asleep.

Really and truly, in retrospect, it was a little bit of both. Hyper-vigilant Ash could probably hear him stumbling around in the early morning silence. He was deeply contemplative, not fully aware of how big of a cliff they were so precariously balanced on at the time. But Eiji’s presence never put Ash’s nervous system into high alert. Around him, Ash inexplicably always felt like himself. He could drop the edge (unless it teed up a flippant joke) and could be soft if he should so choose. Something about Eiji coaxed that out of him during their first meeting and tempered him when the Banana Fish conspiracy threatened to break him time and time again.

When Eiji returned home, it was this picture with its exposure, contrast, and the stunning subject, that inspired awe in Eiji’s talent as a photographer. His first week back, he was inundated with questions from his parents and sister. They had a rough idea of what he’d experienced, enough to be satisfied that he was home safely rather than scratch at the deeper story of what had happened and risk upsetting him. Once he acclimated himself and was ready to share more from his travels, his sister was the first person to see this picture and audibly gasp, noting how strikingly beautiful it was. At the time, Eiji beamed bashfully, hearing his own thoughts echoed so enthusiastically. She was quick to talk about the composition and framing which, when he realized she meant the whole photo, his ears burned with embarrassment. She did in fact notice. Rather than mock Eiji, she observed somberly, “this is him, isn’t it? Looking at this, you’d never know. He just looks… so sad and alone. It’s surprisingly raw and tender.”

He shook the uncomfortable memory from the forefront of his mind and centered himself back into reality. Besides, the picture of the couple was nothing like the picture of Ash. For one, they were almost in complete silhouette. Where Ash was washed in forgiving morning light, the couple was shadowed by a departing sun. Ash was vulnerable and nuanced, still complex in a mere snapshot where the couple’s story seemed to start and end right there. “No, I don’t know that this is it, either,” he surmised. Even so, he wasn’t surprised that his thoughts always drew him back to that image. In Eiji’s mind, all routes led to Ash in some way or another.

He surveyed the uncharacteristically empty train car. Usually, he’d expect more salarymen heading home, some swaying tipsy on their feet after an izakaya pitstop, but realized the usual commuters were likely pushed into other cars by the presence of a younger, rougher looking demographic. High school kids by the look of their uniforms. He noted the sidelong glances a few of them gave him knowing he probably looked around their age but he was far beyond the intimidation of some high school brawlers after everything he’d endured. A small, knowing smile crept across his face as he turned his camera off. With it, his thoughts zeroed in on his shooting hand just as the train car began to weave itself in and out of the shadows of bridges and tunnels.

The atmospheric light that marked evening in the city danced across the large windows of the train car, bathing Eiji’s hand in alternating light and shadow. He closed his fist gently, as if to capture light in the palm of his hand. Before he could travel down the rabbit hole of his thoughts once more, he arrived at his station. Commuters bustled slowly off the train and scattered into the distance.

He’d been living in the city for a couple of months now after Ibe offered him the apartment above his studio to “better improve his craft”. While still a trek from the airport, it was further still from his hometown of Izumo. Both of which were still considered to be pros in Eiji’s book. He’d even cultivated a bit of a reputation in the neighborhood after having a handful of pictures published in local magazines. He was frequently found, camera in hand, chasing down the next perfect photo. To him, it felt like chasing after a ghost. Nothing ever measured up to a single picture taken at dawn in a meager New York apartment. To others, his deep eyes, gentle smile and earnest clicking always yielded delicate insight into otherwise inconsequential people. His kind eye seemed to lend profundity to those one would typically turn a blind eye to. Such was the way that Eiji lived as a person, it was no surprise his photographs also held such intimacy. As Ibe welcomed Eiji to hang more and more of his photos, he garnered more of the neighborhood’s curiosity.

Early on, people responded to his lens angrily or with fear or suspicion. As they came to observe more and more of him, many people grew to understand the man behind the camera. When noticed, some would even smile hoping to end up on the walls of the studio one day. It led to Eiji employing more guerilla tactics when shooting, much to the amusement of those around him. He never really felt alone. His sister made sure to visit frequently and Ibe stopped in when he wasn’t on travel, but the place still didn’t feel quite like home either. When his sister did visit, she’d introduce him to her classmates who now found themselves attending school nearby which seemed to generate a bit of a local legend around him and his adventures in America.

“-at’s a nice camera. That’s gotta be worth something, right?”

Eiji had heard the shuffle of footsteps behind him for some time but didn’t feel threatened despite their numbers. Whether it was because they seemed nonviolent or whether he’d just become too nonchalant in the face of danger was still up for debate. “I don’t think I heard you, I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” Eiji turned on his heels about face toward the voice that rang out.

“Nice camera you got there. Looks expensive,” the brash high schooler repeated. He stood a couple of inches taller than Eiji with a medium build and rebelliously red hair. If that weren’t intimidating enough, he had two lackeys with him. Out of the three, the ringleader was the only one behaving aggressively. The young man to his right, with bleached platinum hair that had begun to grow out, seemed to furrow his brow at the spectacle, not sure whether to participate or not. An effortlessly tousled bang hung over watchful gray eyes. The young man to his left, slightly shorter than the rest of the group, held his bag against his torso with both arms defensively. His black, shaggy hair hung unruly just under freshly pierced ears.

While resilient, Eiji had come back to Japan notably worse for wear from the traumas suffered, the friends lost. At times, he’d have a harsh glint in his eye when he felt cornered by other people’s invasiveness where he was previously a wealth of patience. His eyes, normally wide and innocent could darken and narrow when threatened, as if to say, “I’ve seen and suffered worse.” A glare wasn’t going to help him in a fight but it could certainly serve as a deterrent. Eiji wasn’t sure just how far he’d go to survive after New York City but, while there, felt like no countermeasure was too far. “You’d be surprised, actually. When you’re good at something, the tools you use don’t really matter.”

The ringleader threw his head back haughtily, his fiery hair eclipsed by his strong chin. His Adam’s Apple pulsed prominently with his laughter. Eiji contemplated what sort of person would leave themselves open and vulnerable to attack in such a way. Perhaps this was simply the arrogance of someone who had others they could trust implicitly with their safety. Still uncertain of their intention, Eiji stood his ground warily.

“You’re one crazy motherfucker, you know that?” The grin that spread across the ringleader’s face seemed to instantly dissipate the tension in the air.

“I told you it was him. His kid sister was telling me he was in a gang in America! I went to school with Okuchan. I’m Iguchi,” the more calculating of the three volunteered as he nodded in Eiji’s direction. “You live in that studio.”

“I wasn’t in a gang.. and I don’t live in the studio...” Eiji countered, softening slightly. Without the blonde hair, he supposed the kid looked familiar.

“Well, don’t you want to take my picture?” the overly talkative leader threw a muscled arm around Eiji’s shoulder gruffly and clenched jovially. He jut his chin out and raised his eyebrows inquisitively, clearly amused by the array of emotions that pulled at Eiji’s face.

“It’s rude not to introduce yourself, Tsuyo. I apologize for his rudeness, senpai. We went to school with Ibe-san. My name is Nobuki Chikara,” Chikara dropped the bag he’d been holding and showed a surprising resolve in checking the redhead despite his slightly shorter stature.

“You heard him, if you’re looking for someone to put up in the old man’s studio, this mug’ll get you plenty of traffic,” Tsuyo winked.

“I don’t take requests,” Eiji shrugged off the increasingly tightening grip Tsuyo held on him.

“Told ya, you have the face only your mother would love, Tsuyo! Try again for Halloween, maybe!” Iguchi’s laughter was punctuated with a hearty punch to Tsuyo’s arm who was still processing Eiji’s rebuff.

“I knew there wasn’t a chance, you two have bothered him enough. Let’s go, we can still catch the guys at the arcade.” Chikara hyperextended his arms to gather his friends by the scruff of their uniforms.

“It was worth a shot. I’ll end up on that wall someday,” Tsuyo smirked mischievously. His eyes lingered on Eiji for a moment before he stretched with a yawn and broke from Chikara’s grasp. He threw his bag over his shoulder and began his stride away from Eiji with Iguchi close behind but not before looking back with a promise, “I’ll see you around, Teach!”

Eiji couldn’t help but feel as though judgement had been passed upon him with Tsuyo’s last look. The whole exchange left a puzzled expression on his face. From one moment to the next, he couldn’t make his mind up about the trio and, while it would have been easy to cast them out of his mind, they’d at least roused his interest if only for how radically different they all seemed. “Wait a minute, 'teach'!?”

As he turned to continue his walk home, he felt a hand cup his shoulder gingerly. He was surprised to find Chikara with both of his palms up, the bag he was protecting now hung around his wrist. He bowed modestly much to Eiji’s confusion.

“I’m sorry about the inconvenience. He talks a really big game but he’s actually not a bad guy. Tsuyokun, I mean. I think.. he really likes your work but suppose maybe he didn’t know how to say that without making it about him, too,” he chuckled. “I thank you for not holding it against us.”

“Nothing to apologize for.”

“I hope we see you out again soon. We’d seen you once in the park but were too afraid to approach you back then. You’re not as scary as your reputation suggests.”

“Me!?” Eiji asked dumbly, a pointed hand aimed at his chest, completely aghast.

Realizing he’d possibly said too much, Chikara bowed his head shallowly and lightly jogged back to his friends. Upon reuniting with them, he raked his hand through Tsuyo’s hair teasingly. “Maybe next time be a bit more sincere. At least you talked to him!” he encouraged to which Iguchi stifled a laugh.

“I’ll get my picture next time too,” Tsuyo smiled broadly.

“They thought I was scary!? Sheesh they could at least wait until I’m no longer in earshot…” Eiji scowled with a shake of his head, dumbfounded. The thought that the three of them would be afraid to approach him in any situation was simply too funny. “What would Ash think of that?” he smiled puckishly. He raised his camera, lined up his sight and snapped a picture of the three gleeful high schoolers who, having taken a first step in whatever quest, currently celebrated in a tangle of pokes, pinches and headlocks, their good natured laughter ringing out over the empty street.

The evening sky, mostly purple and blue with a blush of pink set a backdrop for the silhouette of heads and arms. A halo of light from the streetlight above them illuminated the smiles on their faces. Looking down at the picture, he felt like his time in their shoes was so far away. In a way, he was glad that they decided to include him, if only for a moment, in the tapestry of their friendship. He didn’t really understand how they fit together, it wasn’t for him to know. But for a moment, it felt like he was back on the streets of New York in overly flashy clothes he’d borrowed, surrounded by the bustle of strangers and flanked by Shorter, Ash, Bones, and Kong. He could practically hear the familiar shrill of Shorter’s laughter just after making a silly joke. Shorter always laughed at his own jokes too. Recalling that, the small smile that formed at his lips didn’t quite reach his eyes.

As he turned the key and entered his apartment, he offered a quiet, “I’m home,” to no one. Well, at least no one who could welcome him back properly. He could hear the scratching of paws on wooden floors before he’d even put his key in the door. “Hey, Buddy,” he greeted somberly, scratching the golden retriever behind both ears. Buddy, who seemed to have grown accustomed to Eiji’s bouts of melancholy, nudged him affectionately.

Eiji had found Buddy when following the sounds of his whimpering while on a photography walk. Realizing at the time it could have been an elaborate trap, he was surprised to find the source to be a small, close to starving dog who had been abandoned in a dumpster. Without a second thought, he’d climbed atop discarded crates and bins to rescue him. At the time, tears sprang to his eyes when the dog used whatever strength he had left to extend his front paws to him, aiding in his own rescue. He’d just moved to the city and, unfamiliar with the area, carried him around until he found an open vet. During that first check up, waiting anxiously to see if the dog would even survive, he didn’t initially notice the glares from other owners in the waiting area. At least not until the nurse gave him an update while holding her nose. With the promise to return the next day, he left optimistically certain the dog would make it through the night. It was that optimism that compelled him to buy a collar, leash, toys and food on his way home despite still smelling like garbage.

Since then, Buddy filled the silence of Eiji’s apartment and frequently accompanied him on walks to scout new shooting locations. Ibe wasn’t incredibly pleased with the development but saw how happy he made Eiji and had taken to calling him Eiji’s photographer’s assistant any time he visited.

As Eiji filled his food and water bowls, Buddy’s tail thwacked giddily against his leg. “Hungry, today, huh? I’m sorry, I got held up.” He collapsed over the arm of his couch, legs dangling and set his camera on the coffee table before him as he contemplated the day’s captures. He knew his sister would “oooh” and “aaah” at all of them but felt the couple he’d shot and the three students greatly outweighed the pictures he’d taken earlier. Had he not been there to witness what led up to those pictures, he knew, as a passerby, that he would wonder and that, he decided, was the mark of his photographic style. He wanted to inspire people to look more deeply, to find understanding more easily. He wanted people to care. He’d seen what happened when people stopped valuing human life or any life for that matter. It made him want to continue to be a conduit for empathy and compassion. To create more space for people who generally go on misunderstood. People like Kong whose mere size caused strangers to shrink in fear but who cried and held the hands of his friends when they thought they were taking their last breaths at the National Mental Health Center; people like Shorter whose purple hair, piercings and raucous laughter painted him as a thug despite how fiercely loyal he was to his friends and family and how such a guy could genuinely still fear a lecture from his sister; people like Ash whose beauty and demeanor would suggest his life was easy.

“Ash.”

His empty apartment swallowed the name as it fell from his lips. The quiet was stifling. It was in these moments of stillness that Eiji’s thoughts would wander. What, after everything they’d experienced, could possibly keep him from reaching out? Had he fallen into more trouble? Had something happened to him? He hated that his mind always tended toward something grave but he knew that there was little else that could possibly keep Ash away from him and him from Ash. This had been proven time and time again in the months they’d spent together.

The last time he’d seen him felt like a fever dream as he’d floated toward the sad presence that had wept over him. He should not have been surprised to discover who it was but was still shocked that Ash would risk his freedom when he felt personally responsible for the lives that hung in the balance.

But he knew. Eiji knew that his life didn’t mean more to Ash than the others’ so much as Ash’s guilt weighed more when it came to involving him, an outsider, into his dealings. Regardless of how willing he was to help, Ash always treated him as if he were fragile, pure, different. “You always thought you were protecting me, Ash. But the whole time I only wanted to protect you. I deserve an answer. Whatever keeps you from responding, from reaching out… it doesn’t make sense. I thought giving you enough time would be respectful but I can’t keep thinking the worst.”

He recalled how, in that brightly lit hall, as his eyes and legs adjusted to waking, the pain of telling Ash to go when they were mere inches from one another surpassed the physical pain of his wounds. The pained expression on Ash’s face held so much grief, so many regrets. The dead air between them seemed to span millennia as they both struggled with what may be their last words to one another. Tears gathered in his eyes just as they had back then and spilled down his cheeks, loaded with all the things he’d wished he’d said. ”If I’d known that that would have been the last time I saw you, I would have reached for your hand and never let go. I think you needed that as much as I did. Right, Ash? I never would have forsaken you. Not now, not ever,” he reflected, wiping away the stream of tears with the back of his hand.

He sighed deeply, his brows knit in anguish. As time passed, it became harder to recall the inflection Ash used when he was being irreverent, the nuance of his discerning tone when speaking to the gang as opposed to speaking directly to Eiji. It was harder to fill in the blanks of their conversation in a way that felt true to Ash. It seemed silly to mourn someone living but nothing else felt appropriate for the emptiness he felt as the detail in which he remembered Ash began to fade. He’d become such an indelible part of Eiji’s life in such a short amount of time, seared onto his soul. When the emotions weighed heavy on him, he liked to imagine that somewhere in the world, Ash was feeling similarly. These passing waves of sadness were merely being spread across the two of them to ease their burden. In this way, neither of them were ever alone. But to think that one day, Eiji in his pining, would convince himself that Ash always spoke in the language of silence? It felt like too much to bear. But every passing day, that felt more and more like a possibility.

His head rocked toward the dark television screen that sat opposite his couch, his reflection bore holes in him. His hair, which now hung just above his shoulders, pooled limp around his neck. He’d resolved not to cut his hair until he and Ash reunited. It was an offering to whatever higher power was out there to bring them together once more. Moreover, it had been one of the last places Eiji recalled Ash’s touch. So it grew, untouched, sanctified. He had no idea how much time had passed since he’d gotten back to his apartment. Never kept track of how long he’d kept company with the silence.

Disappointed with himself, he slid his camera to block his face, masking his frustration. Seconds spilled into minutes before he turned his on camera with one hand and set it for long exposure. Laying back down and with the camera obscuring where his face would be, he snapped a picture of his reflection in the television, uncertain what sort of results the photo would yield in his dim apartment, illuminated only by external lights and the soft glow of his atrium.

“Our story is not over,” he concluded defiantly. Resigned not to maintain the space between them, he began to wonder what words would coax fate to change course.

“Come back safely. I’ll be waiting for you, forever,” he whispered, his unused voice scratched at his throat.

--

A/N: The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I needed to include Eiji's perspective as well. Sometimes we project our insecurity on others, fill their mouths with words they never said and hopefully this was a sufficient remedy for that.

Also explains why the title convention is so weird, I for sure thought this would be a one-and-done. Banana Fish, however, had another thought.

ANY WAY, thank you for reading my gratuitous musings. Please remember, there are always people to talk to and resources available if you need them.

[potterandpromises]

(Insp.)

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Twelve

James Potter x OC

A/N: At last, the long awaited chapter. Sorry for the wait, my laptop has been failing on me. Hope you enjoy.

Words: 3,8k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven  Chapter Eight  Chapter Nine  Chapter Ten  Chapter Eleven

It was the last weekend before the beginning of the exams for literally everybody. The library was packed with not a single seat unoccupied as well as the common room, where people had even taken to sitting on the floor to study, the dorms being too sitfling.

I had been one of the lucky ones to get a seat at a table, revising my notes with James next to me.

"How do you brew the Elixir to Induce Euphoria?"

"You add shrivelfig, porcupine quills and stir four times anti-clockwise. Then you add a sprig of peppermint, Sopophorous beans and wormwood and stir six times anti-clockwise," James recited, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers.

"That is correct."

"Yes!"

"Alright, your turn-"

"Hey, what about my reward?" James asked and I looked at him questioningly, "My kiss?" He pouted and I gave in almost immediately, not being able to resist his big earth-coloured eyes as I leant forward to press my lips against his.

"Hmm, that's it," he hummed approvingly and it made my face grow as I thought of him saying it during certain other circumstances. I was a girl, a sixteen year old girl, and of bloody course my mind would wander towards certain things that I could be doing instead of studying, now that I had a boyfriend...things, that I couldn't have had managed before on my own. And with a boyfriend as hot as mine I couldn't help but let my gaze linger whenever he stretched himself during Quidditch warm-ups, causing his shirt to deliciously rile up and reveal his abs, or watching him bite his lips whenever he concentrated hard on something, wishing he would bite me-

"Love? Cec? Hellooo?" James snapped his fingers in front of my face and I blinked. "Are you spacing out on me? Siriusly? After you dragged my ass to sit and study with you? Jeez, then ungratefulness stinks," he huffed in mock-annoyance and I shook my head to get the thoughts out.

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

"It's my turn. What colour does the Potion have and what is it for?"

"The colour should be a bright yellow and as the name implies, it's supposed to induce the drinker in a sudden euphoria."

"That is absolutely correct!"

"Of course it is," I replied arrogantly, flinging my hair before giggling. James smirked, leaning forward. "Come and get your reward then." My heart leaped in my chest but I managed to stop him with a hand on his chest. "Nah, I'm good," I teased with a shrug, briefly wondering where Marlene was. She would have been so proud of me right now. James frowned for a second before promptly throwing himself on me. "Uff, James!" I exclaimed, pearls of laughter escaping as he snuck his arms around me to lessen the blow of landing on the hard floor, pinning me down effectively with his body.

"How dare you reject my generous offer of rewarding you with a kiss?" James said gravely, chuckles drifting through his words, "You shall be punished with more rewards."

"Bite me!"

"Gladly!" I squealed as he started attacking my neck, nipping playfully at the sensitive skin.

"Can you stop with your childish antics?!” Lily's voice ripped through our laughter. She stood up with a peeved look, gathering her things. "Some people are actually trying to study!" She stormed off before any of us could form an answer.

James sprang up, adjusting his glasses as he held out a hand for me whilst looking after her. I brushed off any dirt from my clothes and went to sit down.

"I should probably go and check on her," he suggested and I wanted to ask why when he was already taking off.

"Alright," I said lamely to his back, watching until he disappeared through the portrait hole. I plopped back down on my seat, glancing at Alice, who was completely immersed in her notes, not even aware her best friend's departure. Looking down at my own notes, I tried to focus but my eyes kept drifting from word to word without taking anything in as my mind kept replaying the way James ran after Lily with little to no hesitation. 

'You're thinking too much into it...

...I wonder what they are doing right now...'

I sighed loudly, frustrated that I couldn't let it go. Peeking at the only studious girl at the table, I stood up. "I'm...gonna go to the loo," I excused myself and left when I received no response.

Walking out of the common room, I promptly slapped myself on the forehead.

Was I really going to follow them like a creepy, insecure girlfriend? Obviously.

Was I going to find them with the head start they had now? Obviously not. Dumbass.

Glancing back at the portrait of the Fat Lady guarding our entrance, I pondered whether to go back inside or try looking for them. Lily was most likely heading to the library to join Remus at his study table that he had occupied since this morning. I cringed at my own behaviour when I decided to look for them. 'Im just making sure she's fine so I can focus back on my exams,' I reassured myself, 'Nothing creepy about tha-'

"Ow-!"

"Oi, Cec," Sirius greeted me gruffly, holding onto my arm until I steadied myself as he had bumped against me quite strongly, "Sorry about that. Didn't see you from the corner."

"It's all good," I replied, glad for the distraction as I straightened my robe and looked up at him. He seemed distraught, his hair unkempt and his tie hanging loosely around his neck. I would have guessed he had a good snogging session if it weren't for the sad glistening in his eyes. "Hey Sirius," I called softly as he fidgeted, already turning away, "Is everything alright?"

"Hm?" he looked over his shoulder, his expression carefully blank, "Yeah, of course. Everything is fine. Why?"

I shrugged, not wanting to point out how he seemed less than his usual joyful facade. "Just asking. Where you've been anyway? I thought we would study together in the common room?"

His face twisted into something akin to anguish and I furrowed my eyebrows. "I was with Reg..ulus," he said, turning away.

"Did som-"

"Look, I don't wanna talk about it," he snapped.

"Sirius..." He stormed off towards the portrait hole and I was left staring after a back for the second time this day. I felt the worry built up, sensing that something bad must have happened. Because, no matter how hurt or angry Sirius was, he was always very good at hiding it. Unless he was drunk or something major had happened. And since he didn't seem drunk right now...my feet started moving before my mind had been made up, walking back towards the Fat Lady and pushing every thought of James and Lily into the back of my mind. This was urgent, my platonic soulmate was in pain after all.

Stepping into the common room, I spotted the black-haired boy rush up the boys dormitory and steeled myself before following him upstairs, hoping nobody saw me step to left instead of the right passage towards the rooms. I tentatively walked down the small hallway I had never dared to step in in all my six years before, searching the signs on the doors for the Sixth Year's dormitories. Pressing an ear on one of the doors, I listened for any sound. Fortunately, there were some shuffles and the familiar voice of my friend cursing as he dropped something heavy. Just as I contemplated on whether to knock, the door swung up revealing Sirius, who had rid himself of his robe and jumper, holding a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand and the other tightly wound around the door handle.

"What are you doing?" he asked, narrowing his shining eyes.

"I-"

"Just leave," he grumbled, his voice tense as he was holding back the tears that hadn't fallen yet. Dread filled me now as he rushed past me to the bathroom, shutting the door soundly behind him. Something was seriously wrong. This time, I didn't hesitate to follow him, pushing back the cringe at opening a boy's bathroom and peeking in. The room was empty except for one shower cabinet in the far back where the water was turned on, running at full blast.

"Sirius, I hope you are not naked, because I'm coming in," I warned, giving him a second before I opened the cabinet to find him sitting on the floor, drinking from the bottle of Firewhiskey as the water pattered down on him.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he mumbled, his voice thick and croaky from the burn of the alcohol, "I don't want to talk about it." He leaned his head back, closing his eyes as the water trickled down on his face and further, drenching his clothes.

"We don't need to talk," I said quietly, hoping he could hear me over the water, "I just wanna be here for you." And with that, I stepped in fully-clothed and closed the cabinet door behind me, sliding down next to him as I proceeded to get completely wet in a less than a few seconds. Sirius kept quiet, only raising his bottle to me before pressing it against his own lips when I shook my head, wondering which of the drops trailing down his face were from the shower head and which from his sorrowful eyes.

I wasn't sure how long we sat there but Sirius got up after what seemed like hours, clearing his throat as he lowered the water volume. "I'm...gonna get you the Invisibility Cloak so you can sneak out. Wait here." I nodded. "And don't turn the water off or someone might come in." I nodded again and he stepped over me, pushing the door open and disappearing from sight. I sighed as he left, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of my clothes sticking to my skin. He came back after a few minutes with cloak and wand in hand, casting a Hot Air Charm over me as I got up and turned off the shower head. It was completely silent, but somber in some way as we proceeded to walk out of the bathroom with me under the cloak and him at the front. He held the door open, squinting to see if I had passed and I mumbled a quiet 'thanks' when I was out.

Nodding, he stepped out as well, shoving his hands into his pockets, having dried himself as well. "I will...see you around," he said, a softness in his voice and slightly slurring, "I'm just gonna head to bed."

I nodded before realising he couldn't see me. "Okay. Sleep well, Sirius."

"You too."

Turning away, I took a few steps when I heard Sirius whisper my name. "Cec, I- thank you. For being there," he stammered, seeming uncharacteristically unsure of himself. I wondered then, how many people he had shown his emotional side before. Guessing from what I knew about him, I would say it dwindled down to the four people he kept the closest plus maybe Regulus. It warmed me, that he now included me into that circle as well even if I kind of forced him to as I had followed him around. "Cec?" he called out questioningly, his grey eyes flittering around as he pondered whether I was still there or not. I quickly stepped back towards him, carefully taking his hand and squeezing it slightly. "You're more than welcome, Sirius," I whispered and his eyes softened when I raised my cloak to let him see me for a split second. "Good night."

"Good night."

Walking down to the common room, I noticed a considerably less amount of people were gathered around to study, mostly Fifth and Seventh Years. But Alice was still there and even Marlene had joined her, though her face rested on her notes as she drooled on them, fast asleep. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I noticed it was past nine o'clock. The thoughts of Lily and James that I had pushed into the back of my mind resurfaced and I swept the room with my eyes in search of either of them. There was no way Lily would have gone to bed so early on the last days before the exam and I briefly remembered all the times we had together to study until past midnight for our O.W.L.'s last year. 'Was she still at the library?' But the library had been closed for an hour now.

My stomach grumbled in that moment and the sound resonated throughout the otherwise quiet room. I blushed, despite the fact that no one could see me under the cloak, as a few heads raised in confusion. Only now did I realise how hungry I was since I had missed dinner and also skipped lunch earlier this day. 'A quick snack from the kitchen it is,' I decided, walking towards the entrance and out of the common room. 'And on my way I can make a short detour to see if Lily actually managed to convince Madam Pince to let her stay past the closing hours to study. Wouldn't put it past her to play the Prefect Card for this.'

Skipping down the stairs, I took the corridor to the library and found it entirely deserted. I sighed relieved, not knowing what exactly I was relieved for, as I turned away to head towards the kitchen. The halls were empty and dark, with the occasional light of the half-moon breaking through the tall windows and I breathed in the fresh air of a summer night, enjoying the peaceful silence as I strolled towards the kitchen.

But the peace would only last for so long.

I reached the corridor with the painting of the fruit bowl, fastening my steps as my stomach gave another protesting growl. Just when I was about to tickle the pear in the painting, anticipating all the good food the elves would cook in a matter of minutes, the door opened from the inside, nearly banging against my forehead. I stumbled back as the door swung to the side, revealing James. My heart skipped a beat in surprise but also at the sight of twinkling eyes that seemed unnaturally light in all the darkness surrounding us. Grinning, I grasped at the hem of the cloak, ready to spook him when he turned back towards the kitchens, engulfing his face in a warm glow of light coming from the big room.

A shadow crossed his features and he held his hand out for Lily, who was laughing softly as she took it, letting him help her out of the hole. "Thanks," she said.

"You are very welcome," James replied with a grin as the door shut close, engulfing us all in a sudden darkness. I blinked, squinting in hopes to see better as my eyes adjusted. For a second everything was silent before the two started walking. Biting my lip, I followed them before I could think about what I was doing. 'We are all headed to the same direction, I can't help it that I need to walk behind them. And since I'm not hungry anymore- oh, who am I kidding, I'm starving,' I complained to myself, cursing my brain for having the urge to spy on the two in all my insecure glory.

They walked in silence for a while before standing on the staircase.

"Thanks for the food," Lily spoke up as they waited for the stairs to stop moving, "I really needed it."

"Figures. You didn't eat anything today," James replied.

"How do you know that?"

"Eh," I could practically feel him blush as he stammered for an answer. "I just saw you and Cec studying all day, so I guessed that you hadn't eaten anything yet. Cec hasn't at least."

"Right," Lily said quietly, walking up the stairs as they stopped moving. I followed silently, watching the moon reflect on her brilliant red hair and noticing James did, too. "You know, I was surprised how you two suddenly got together."

"Hm?" James hummed, looking at his shoes as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his robes.

"I mean, one day you were asking me out and the other you were suddenly hanging around with her and started dating," Lily said in joking manner and James chuckled along, though I couldn't grasp the joke in it. "It was...surprising, yeah," she ended awkwardly and the mood turned somber.

"Well, I guess it surprised a lot of people," James chuckled again, seemingly nervous as he ran a hand through his messy mop of hair. "But, Cec is great. She is amazing, really," he added, his voice turning steady and gentle, tugging at my heart strings. I felt a smile form on my face.

"She is quite great, yeah," Lily agreed softly. Now I felt bad for eavesdropping. 'You're siriusly messed up, dumbass,' I scolded myself. But I didn't stop. "I'm happy for you guys. It's nice to see Cec so happy and seeing a normal side of you."

James scoffed, "Normal?"

"What?" Lily giggled.

"What side of me has not been normal before?"

"I'm just saying, it's refreshing to know a side of you that wouldn't enchant cupids to read me sappy poems and throw pink glitter all over me," Lily recalled, laughing to herself as James blushed beet-red.

"Well, normal is overrated anyway," he muttered into his tie, smiling as Lily bumped her fist against his arms.

"I kinda miss it," she said and I noticed her eyes widen as soon as the sentence left her mouth. James' lips quirked up, his eyes shining. "Do you now?" he asked smugly, laughing as she slapped his arm.

"I mean," she started but paused. The mood turned slightly somber as she fiddled with her sleeve.

"You mean?" James prompted almost eagerly and I bit my lip, the tugging in my heart strings turning to harsh pulls.

Lily sighed, "It's nothing. Just, now that I know the 'normal' side of you, the one, you probably show to your friends and Cec...I think, all the stuff you used to do was quite endearing."

James kept quiet for a second. "You mean, when I endlessly chased after you?"

"All the things you did to ask me out. The cupids, the flowers, the sweets...," I distinctly heard Lily gulp as she stopped and turned towards him, causing him to falter in his steps, too. "I didn't recognise it back then, but it must have cost you a lot of effort and I think that's sweet..." James held his breath. "...and a little bit excessive." They both chuckled lightly before turning quiet, staring at the other.

"So, it was not for nothing after all," James muttered softly, almost as if he were dazed as he stared into her eyes. I clutched at the cloak tightly, feeling cold all of a sudden.

Lily cocked her head to the side, strands of red hair gliding over her shoulder like ocean waves. "Yeah. It did not get me to say yes back then, but..."

"But?" James pressed, taking a step forward.

Lily took a deep breath as if she were preparing herself for something, "But...if I had known this side of you before, I might have agreed. To- you know." I stilled, my tight grip on the cloak loosening slightly. James' eyes widened and I could see the elation spread through his face even if he didn't smile.

"To going out with me?" he asked breathlessly. Lily hesitated before she nodded. For a minute, we all stood in silence as James stared at her, dumbfounded. Lily's eyes flickered around as if she were scared to get caught. "Anyway, it doesn't matter!" she stated, too loudly for the quiet atmosphere, "I mean, you are with Cec now and you guys are happy."

"Yeah...yeah we are," James said, still in stupor.

"Yeah, so..." Lily gestured forward, turning to start walking again.

"But what if we aren't?" James spoke up, causing her to halt in her footsteps. My heart stopped.

"What?" she asked, looking at him over her shoulder.

It was James' turn to take a deep breath as if he were preparing himself for something, "What if Cec and I weren't happy?"

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean? You guys look besotted with each other."

"Yeah, that's the thing," James said firmly, determination flooding his features. "We look like we are besotted with each other. It was an act." I swayed slightly as if I had been punched in the chest. "It was just an act." It was just an act. The words seemed to echo in the hallway, pounding relentlessly into my eardrums as I stood frozen, staring the bespectacled boy.

"It was an act?" Lily asked incredulously. James nodded. She turned towards him fully in disbelief. "You were acting like you were together?!" James nodded again. "Why?"

"I was trying to show you a more civil side of me," he said and my eyes widened. 'Be civil' I heard my own voice resonate through my mind. I tried to keep my breathing even as my chin trembled. "I wanted you to see what kind of guy I am since you wouldn't go out with me. I wanted you to see the real me. How I would be if we were together."

Lily stared at him. "I don't even know what to say...," she trailed off.

"Since you appreciated all the efforts I put into asking you out, you could appreciate this as well?" James asked hopefully and I was starting to feel sick. It was just an act. Something in me shattered. I turned away, trying to shield the little, constricting organ in my chest from his words.

"But wait, is Cec part of this? How is she managing to pretend this whole time?" she pondered and James' face fell. Noticing this, she narrowed her eyes at him. "Is she pretending, James? Does she know about your relationship being an act?"

James tensed up, biting his lip as he glanced away and it was all the answer that Lily needed. Her emerald green eyes widened. "James...," she breathed in disbelief, "How could you do this to her?"

"Listen, Cec won't take it too hard," James tried as Lily shook her head in disbelief, "She knows it's nothing serious. We've grown closer, yes, as friends."

"I don't think she sees it like that," Lily responded and I chose that moment to walk away. Because she was absolutely right.

Chapter Thirteen

[bokutosworld]

love’s sorrow | iwaizumi hajime

pairing: iwaizumi hajime x reader

wc: 1.7k words of angst, heartbreak, pain.

inspired by the prompts:  “look, i know we agreed to be friends and everything but that’s what everyone says when they break up. i can’t take you asking me for advice on how to ask out the new person you’re interested in, okay? it’s killing me” AU +  “it’s midnight, what do you want?”

--

ringggggg! ringggggg! RIIIINNNNG!

you slowly turned to the bedside table, extending an arm to grab your phone and check who was blowing up your messages and calls. the harsh light emitted by the small device stings your eyes for a minute before you could make out the contact name - iwaizumi.

what was he doing disturbing your deep and peaceful slumber at 12:51 am? you think for five seconds but decided to ignore him, putting the phone face down on the nightstand. you roll over to the other side, tugging your blanket closer to your body, when the ringer blasted again.

'ugh, what the hell,' groaning, you throw the duvet away and snatch your phone, accepting his call with much annoyance. you almost screamed into the receiver, 'it's midnight, what do you want, iwa?'

'can you come down for a bit?' you do not miss the sharp intake of his breath as he finally answers. you slowly rubbed your temples, contemplating whether to indulge him in his request and see him in your pajamas in the middle of the cold night. absentmindedly nodding, you agreed, 'alright. wait for me in the lobby.'

you put on a jacket and wore a cap to hide your messy bedhead before going down to meet with iwaizumi. on the elevator, your mind wandered to the possible reasons that he called you. was he in trouble? did he need money? or was he....

the doors to the elevator opened before you could even finish your thought. you took a breath and stepped into the lobby. your eyes quickly scanned the empty floor, looking for the male and you spot him seated in one of the couches, his head cradled between his hands. it was obvious that something was bothering him.

you took careful steps as you headed to where he was sitting. hearing your footsteps approaching, iwaizumi lifted his head and followed you as you walked across the lobby, stopping in front of him to meet his somber gaze. in all the years you've known him, you've come to terms that it wasn't uncommon for him to have a resting poker face. he was always one that was difficult to read.

after what seemed like an eternity of assessing the situation and staring into each other's soul, iwaizumi broke through the tension and smiled, 'well, don't just stand there.' he patted the spot next to him, 'sit here first.' you narrowed your eyes at him, guards up and suspicious towards his unusual behavior.

as you settled down, you released the breath that you didn't know you were holding and made yourself comfortable in the sofa. 'so, what's up,' you finally inquired. iwaizumi also slumped into the couch before bringing up a topic you have always dreaded, 'i met this girl.'

ah, there it was. your eyes instinctively shut, already feeling as if your heart was slowly being carved out of your chest and you mentally prepared yourself for his next words. he continued cautiously, 'she's in my class, we were partners for a project,' his gaze landed on you, noticing you taking slow deep breaths and he debated whether he should reach and comfort you. 'she's really great and smart. we are really getting along so well. i think i'll miss her when this term ends and we're not classmates anymore. so, i've been thinking, i want to ask her out.'

a cloud of silence enveloped the two of you in the lobby. the only sounds audible were the ambient music - a classical piece which you made out to be kreisler's liebesleid - and the occasional chatter by the guard and the receptionist by the desk. neither of you spoke up for minutes, letting what he just said sink in to your system. your mind was blank, you didn't know how to react, to reply.

finally, you asked, 'why are you telling me this?' turning to your side, you saw that he was already looking at you, his eyes worried but hopeful. his hands were on his lap, restless as he wanted to touch you, to make sure if you were okay. but his eyes were encouraging you to continue, 'i know we agreed to be friends and that it has been a year since we broke up. but don't you think this is too insensitive, too cold-hearted even for you?' you choked a laugh, shaking your head as you brought your glance to the apartment doors.

'i just thought you wanted to know,' iwa claimed. 'i figured you might appreciate hearing the news come from me rather than from others.'

you take back what you said earlier about him insensitive. as he uttered those words, you were reminded of how caring and gentle he always was. you were reminded of the many times those kind compliments and praises were once about you, how those longing words were once said towards you. you were reminded of the memories you shared with him, the five years you spent together with him, all of which came burning down in just one night.

sure, the break up was mutual and that you and iwaizumi agreed to stay friends after everything. he argued, 'just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean we should throw away our friendship!' you remembered how he casually threw his arms around you, bringing you close as he offered his friendship to you once more. 

and now, you were wishing that someone could have stopped you from agreeing to his proposal. you were thinking back to the warnings you constantly received from your friends, telling you that it was toxic and unreasonable to stay in contact with him. you wished you didn't ignore them and listened because here you were now, hoping for some hole to swallow you and take you away from him. to be far from him as possible so you could finally move on.

'you don't need my permission to date, iwa,' you whispered.

'i'm not really asking -,' iwa insisted but you cut him off.

'then what? you're asking me for advice how to ask her out? how to make her swoon over you,' you scoffed, looking at him and for the first time in the night, he saw through your cap how heartbroken you looked. 'come on, you're iwaizumi hajime. you've got game, you're a gentleman. it would be her loss not to be with you.'

you couldn't take it anymore, you didn't need him to see you break down in the middle of the night, wearing pajamas in the dimly-lit lobby. you stood up, heading for the elevators, when you heard him follow you.

'y/n, wait. it's not like that,' he caught up to you, reaching for your wrists before you could get away further. but you sharply swatted his hand away the minute you felt his warm touch.

'don't,' your back was still faced to him, he saw you were slightly shaking and he swears he heard silent whimpers coming from your lips. he wanted so badly to comfort you but stopped when you continued, 'i'm trying hard, iwa.'

you turned to face him, your glare sending goosebumps to his skin and piercing through his soul. 'i'm trying hard, iwa. i know it's been a year, but it is taking all that i have to act as if we are just friends again. every night, i lay awake trying to forget what we had. you don't know how many times i wished i had a reset button so that we can go back to the way we were before we got together.'

it was breaking iwaizumi's heart to hear your confession. he didn't know you were still hurting. he was unaware of your struggles and he had only realized how selfish it was to come to you about his newfound love. he wanted to speak but you didn't let him.

'but each day, i know that i am missing you less. i don't see you anymore in the things that used to remind me of you. i don't look at photos of you anymore, our videos, i am slowly deleting them one by one. the coffee cup you had in my apartment,' you chuckled. 'i only recently got to hiding it in a box. it's slow but i am making progress. i'm getting better. so please, just drop this.'

the tears were now freely falling down your face and you couldn't care less. through your sobs, you still managed to give him a smile, 'if you like her, go for it. do this for yourself. don't think about my feelings anymore. that day, we both wished each other our happiness.'

you reached an arm out to pat his shoulder, 'i may be still searching for mine, but you already found yours. don't let it slip away.'

iwaizumi put your hand down, only to pull you close in an embrace. he was silently weeping, you felt his hot tears on your shoulder and you rubbed your hands on his back, 'we'll be fine.'

you pulled away and decided to tease him, 'i can't believe you called me down here for this. this could have been a conversation in the morning you know. we wouldn't have gotten sappy like this!' he laughed along with you, not leaving your side as you waited for the elevator.

as soon as the elevator arrived, you entered through the doors. for some reason, you were already feeling a little bit better, free, and relieved from crying out your last bit of feelings.

a chiming sound vibrated through the walls, signaling that the doors were about to close. you look at iwa, memorizing his face, his features, as if this was the last time you would see him.

'good bye, hajime.'

'good bye, y/n,' he said, giving you one last smile.

the doors shutting close felt as if the drawing of the curtains in a performance. it was as if you've reached the final page of a book and you had to put it back in the shelf. you hoped for better days ahead, you wish, 'i will get better.'

[attemptingtowriteagain]

Commander Cody x Jedi!Reader

Protective Sentence Starters : “Don’t ever leave my sight again.”

A/N: So this ended up taking longer than i thought it would...

         Warnings : None

         Word Count : 1902

         Blaster fire exploded all around you as you ran through the streets of Christophsis, almost slipping when you took a turn to sharp. You spared a quick glance over your shoulder and caught a glimpse of  the  battle droids rolling hot on your heels.

          "Kriffing hell." You cursed under your breath. You quickly opened up the link on your com. "Cody! Cody, come in!"

          "Yes General?" The strained voice of the Clone Commander sounded from your wrist. You could hear the sound of the war going on a couple blocks away. Your heart jumped in your throat at the thought of him being hurt in the battle. You pushed the feeling aside turning another corner.

          "Please tell me that you have the droid poppers in place. I'm closing in and I have Destroyers, B2-HA's and tankers on my tail! They're closing in fast and I can't take them out by my self."

          "Sorry General. These clankers are coming in to heavy." There was a thud and a grunt before he continued. "We might need to lose ground if were goin' to win this battle."

          "Cody is right, (Y/N)." Obi-Wan Kenobi's voice patched in on the com. You huffed as you turned another corner.

          And into a dead end.

          "Oh no...." You gasped. "Kriff!" You yelled as a blaster bullet nearly missed your temple.

          "(Y/N)- General, are you okay?" The Commanders worried voice carried over the loud sounds of blasters. Quickly as you could, you pulled your lightsaber out and deflected as many shots as you could.

          "No!" You gritted your teeth. Sweat starting to bead on your forehead. "I must have taken a wrong turn! I'm stuck... In a dead end." You grunted falling back until the wall hit your back. The way to get back was closed off by 4 Destroyers and 3 B2-Ha's. The tanker was just starting to come into view.

          "You need to get back over here and regroup with the rest of the battalion." Obi-Wan commanded.

          "No." You hissed as you ricocheted a bullet back and shot down one of the B2 units.

          "No?! What the kriff do you mean no?" Cody snapped and the grunted and you heard more blaster shots ring out.

          "You guys are swarmed. If I regroup, I'll just end up bringing all these droids to you. You'll be over run!" You threw your last droid popper and set it off. The electrical shock gave you enough time to jump along the walls and behind the the tank. It slowly started to turn as you dashed down the street again, leading the opposing army away from the rendezvous point.

          "I'm going to lead them in the other direction." A realization hit you and your voice turned somber as you turned and saw two more tanks join the chase behind you. "I'll hold them off as long as I can."

          "(Y/N), no! You must regroup!" Cody urged frantically.

          "I'm sorry, Cody." You sighed, tears forming in your eyes and you turned the com off, running away from what you were sure was your only hope at survival.

          Commander Cody ducked behind a broken wall as more shots barely missed him. He furiously jammed on him com device, trying to connect to you again.

          "(Y/N)! Dammit!" He exclaimed in frustration and pulled himself from behind the wreckage and focused his anger on taking out as many droids as he could before needing to duck down again.

          "Calm yourself Cody!" Obi-Wan called from behind a downed walker. "We need you focused! (Y/N) will have to take care of herself." His heart jumped into his throat at the thought of you facing at least half of a droid battalion all by yourself.

          Cody knew it was wrong and against every regulation, but he cared for you more deeply than he should of. He wasn't even sure himself when the respect he had for you being a General and a friend turned into longing of wanting you beside him every day. He spent most days at your side and most nights being not to far from you. It was only thing about this god forsaken war that he enjoyed. He knew with every fiber of his being that he was in love you. When he was alone at night, he spent his time trying to remember when those feeling changed.

          Had it been when he took you 79's after a long drawn out battle to relax and you out drank more than half men there in a drinking game? The repercussions of which cause Cody to have you carry you back to your room at the Jedi temple while you drunkenly explained to him why purple wasn't a color but a lifestyle.

          Was it every time the two of you would sit atop one of the gunships while everyone else was sleeping? You always had yourself wrapped in a soft blanket and he would always bring the caf. The two of you would spend hours talking or just sitting in the quiet watching the stars.

          Maybe it was the way you jumped into battle to protect those who couldn't  protect themselves and even always made sure to cover his brothers if you could.

          Cody could contemplate all the ways he had fallen for you but he knew the answer to his internal conflict.

          He knew he loved you from the moment he met you. Your easy smile and the way your eyes lit up every time you talked to him, how couldn't you melt his heart? And he knew he could never live with himself if he didn't help you now, against orders or not.

          "I'm going to help General (Y/N)!" Cody yelled, looking to were your last com coordinates came from. "She won't make it on her own!"

          "No Cody! I'm ordering you stay here!"

          "I'm sorry General but I can't do that." Cody looked at Obi-Wan, and even though Cody was wearing his helmet, Obi-Wan could feel the determined gaze.

Sighing Obi-Wan nodded and pointed off past the right of the droid army.

          "She's over that way." Cody swung his head in the direction his General pointed and sure enough every few seconds a red bullet could be seen flying towards the sky. Without looking back, Cody pushed himself out from behind the debris and towards you.

          You slammed yourself against the wall after rounding the corner, trying to catch your breath.

          'I can't keep this up much longer.' You thought.

          You peeked around the bend and nearly got your nose taken off by a blaster shot. You tore yourself off the wall and started down the street again. You didn't get far before there was a series of explosions behind you. You held out your lightsaber in front of you, ready for whatever was coming around the bend.

          "(Y/N)!?" An all to familiar voice called through the smoke and dust. Relief flooded you and you almost collapsed.

          "Cody?" You called out tentatively. A figure skidded to a halt in the middle of the intersection and looked around wildly. They did a double take when they saw you. You could have cried when the recognizable orange visor came into view. "Oh.. Cody!" Deactivating your lightsaber, you ran forward and threw your arms around Cody's neck. Without hesitation, he wrapped you in his arms and pulled you tight against him.

          "I thought I was a goner..." You mumbled into his armor. Your heart hammered in your chest as you let the man you had fallen in love with hold you. Jedi rules and Clone regulations be damned. If he would ask it of you, you knew you would leave the Jedi Order for him.

          "I would never let that happen." Cody stated fiercely and pulled you tighter to him. You felt your face heat up and buried you face into his neck, sighing deeply. You pulled back to say something when a fast scrapping noise rang out in between the buildings. Cody's head swung around and he swore.

          "We got rollies coming! And I don't have any droid poppers, only grenades."

          "Then drop them!" You insisted and you pulled yourself away from him.

          "We won't have enough time to get out of the blast zone." Cody warned as he dropped the grenades and grasped your hand to pull you with him as he started to run down the street. "Hold on!" He yelled and a small group of destroyer droids rolled around the corner. Cody hit the detonator and the next thing you felt was Cody pulling you to his chest and the explosion knock you both off your feet. The air was knock out of your lungs and Cody landed on top of you before both of you rolled to a stop, you on top of him.

          Your forehead rested on his bare cheek and you looked up to that the blast has forced his helmet off. You both took deep breaths as you looked into each other eyes. His amber eyes looked deeply into yours and you couldn't help but run your thumb over the scar on his temple. Cody leaned into your touch and sighed. The words were right on the tip his tongue, it was difficult for him not to say them and kiss you. Kiss you and never stop. Unbeknownst to him, you were fighting the same internal battle. And lost.

          "I love you." You blurted out and held your breath, waiting to see his reaction. His eyes widen, caught off guard. "I have since I met you." You admitted.

          Cody smiled softly as he brushed his fingers along your cheek to tuck hair behind your ear. Cinders from the fire started to fall around the both of you but they were paid no mind.

          "Don't ever leave my sight again." He joked and you couldn't help but smile. "I love you." He finally admitted, feeling a weight being lifted from him.

          You responded by slowly leaning forward and softy placing your lips over his. It felt like your whole body came alive as his cupped the back of you neck, moving his lips against your at a slow place. You reached up and cupped his face, sighing when he ran his tongue you bottom lip. Without hesitation, you opened your mouth and allowed him to explore. The war, the world, and everything but Cody disappeared. He only pulled away when you both needed air.

          "I wish we could stay like this." He confessed and kissed you jaw briefly.

          "Hm...." You hummed and pecked his lips one more time. "Maybe when this battle is over, we could find a quiet place to talk?" Cody smiled and pulled you in for another kiss before his com started to beep.

          "Cody, did you find General (Y/N)?" Obi-Wan's voice rang out.

          "Yes sir, we are on our way back now."

          "Good, the enemy forces seem to have been defeated. Make your way to the gunship so we can go."

          "Yes, sir." Cody switched the com off and shifted to help you stand up.

          "I don't know about you," You started, brushing the dirt off yourself. "But I am starving." Cody chuckled and kissed you deeply once more before retrieving his helmet.

          "Same. How 'bout we grab dinner when we get back to the Resolute?"

          "I think I could do that." You smiled coyly and for what felt like the first time in your life, you felt complete.