#I consider myself an emotional heavy-lifter but...

[cybermagusnex]

So I may have seen the face of my inner critic last night. I know exactly where the constant shame and a chunk of my executive dysfunction is fueled by now.

Now what do I do? ;o;

[mbti-notes]

Hello! INFJ here. I notice that "enjoy more intellectually stimulating solitary pursuits" is listed under Level 6 ego development for ESFJ. However, why is that not mentioned for INFJ in relation to Ti development? Is love of intellectually stimulating solitary pursuits already covered in dominant Ni? As an INFJ, I personally find intellectual exploration at a conceptual level to be almost effortless - asking conceptual questions, getting a "big picture" view of a field, developing my long term

[con’t: vision, viewing a problem from multiple perspectives, creating a high level outline of a paper I'm reading, etc. But getting into details on my own can be quite difficult - I often lose my focus and my mind wanders. I can do it more easily in 1:1 technical conversations though (where I need to hold up my end of the conversation), or if I set some social deadline, e.g. signing up to give a talk. Is it tertiary Ti development that will solve this, or is this an Fe issue? I recently realized just a couple days ago that I was repressing shame about some emotional trauma in my adolescence, which prevented me from seeing myself as a good person, and it feels like my Fe has massively increased in the last couple days alone. I've been releasing the repressed emotions via many hours of crying. I also had a rapid series of insights into a few people I really care about (issues that they're dealing with and how to help), and feel like I finally understand why there are so many songs about love. I  finally decided to actively pursue someone who I think will be my life partner - I think immature Ti was holding me back somehow (wanting to be independent). But I'm not sure if further Fe development will solve this issue of difficulty with detail oriented work or if it's a Ti or Se thing. Or maybe I just need to consciously apply Ni more, e.g. always reminding myself of why I'm delving into details, and making sure to have a conceptual scaffold first before any details work?]

You’re mixing several different issues into one long message, which makes it difficult to respond. Please make your messages focused, as per the blog guidelines. What is considered “intellectually stimulating” to ESFJs is very different from INFJs, not to mention different from person to person within a type, so why are you using ESFJ development as comparison? What purpose does this serve? Every type has their own set of issues to address. 

Trouble with details comes from having a low S function, which is to say that it is a common problem for Ns in general. Each N type has a different path to learning how to handle details better, depending on which exact function pair they’re dealing with and positioning in the stack. The ability to handle details for INFJs involves Ti and Se, both lower functions that are difficult and tiring to use for long periods of time. It’s far easier to develop the tertiary than the inferior function, therefore, Ti is going to be the heavy lifter. 

Ti development encourages one to be more careful, specifically, systematic, in one’s thought process. INFJs often draw irrelevant or illogical connections between ideas and then cannot separate out ideas from each other to focus on addressing each one properly -> very messy thought process (which is already apparent in your message). Immature INFJs like to indulge the fun of drawing Ni connections (often as a means to boost the ego), but they can’t/don’t want to do the very hard Ti work of slowly sorting through information systematically to arrive at precise and accurate judgments. Being a lower function, INFJs often misuse Ti to rationalize their beliefs, as opposed to dispel falsehoods. Lack of Ti development means having no reliable method for dissecting problems and no skills for resolving them. In essence, it amounts to poor critical thinking ability, unable to parse and evaluate information systematically. If you need to improve your critical thinking skills, I have already provided book recommendations on the resources list.

Se development encourages one to be more observant of objective facts and details, specifically, to ensure that one’s beliefs about the world are grounded in the reality of the world. Being Ni dominant, INFJs usually “trust their gut”, which is another way of saying that they have a tendency to believe without factual verification. While your gut may be reliable in pointing you, very generally, in the right direction, it is not foolproof, nor is it able to explain the details of how or why. This means that relying on your gut too much can get you into trouble when your beliefs drift into fantasy and you don’t even realize it. Immature INFJs cannot tell the difference between speculation and fact. When an idea pops into their mind, they run with it. And when they run with it long enough, they believe in it, as they misuse Se to selectively gather “facts” to support the belief. Misusing Ti AND Se basically gives free rein to Ni delusion. 

Mentally manipulating ideas in the manner that you describe involves using Ni and Ti closely together, which always runs the risk of descending into some kind of bias or self-deception, especially when Se is ignored in the process. You need extraverted functions to ensure that this doesn’t happen. Using Fe to access multiple perspectives and opinions is the right way to expand your perspective. However, Ni gathering even more data through Fe sources isn’t going to do you much good, in fact, it may only end up overwhelming or confusing you, if you have no way to systematize and evaluate that data. That is why developing Ti is eventually necessary for refining your ideas and correcting false beliefs.

It’s not a shame to need outside vetting for your ideas. Humans are communicative and collaborative creatures. Two heads are better than one. But it is a shame if you are extremely dependent on outside vetting because you are resistant to or afraid of developing your independent thinking capabilities. Why would someone be unconsciously resistant to or afraid of developing their independent thinking capabilities? Because they don’t want to take full responsibility when confronting the consequences of their beliefs. To put another way, if you mostly get your ideas and opinions from other sources, you can always blame the “bad source” for being wrong and plead innocence. Whereas, if your ideas come only from you and you get called out for being wrong, then you have no choice but to deal with the shame of being “stupid” - an insecurity that Fs often grapple with.

If you are developing Ti properly, over time, you will need a less and less intensive outside vetting process, because you become more capable of doing it for yourself. However, Ti is a lower function, so you are never going to be able to use it like a dominant function. Trying to develop a tertiary function is necessary only to a certain extent, to the extent that you’re able to use it for helping the higher functions work optimally. You shouldn’t fall into the trap of feeling bad when you hit a wall in its development. You shouldn’t start trying to copy Ti doms and using their type’s standards to make inappropriate evaluations of yourself - this is a great way to fall into shame and unhealthy perfectionism. You’re not Ti dom, never will be one, never should be one. You are always going to benefit more by sharing and exchanging ideas with people. You have to accept the reality of what you are and work with it, rather than lose yourself in chasing unrealistic ideals. 

Remember that positive growth cannot come from negative self-loathing. Without self-love and self-acceptance, self-improvement easily morphs into self-harm. Every function in your stack has its proper role to play, so respect the parameters of those roles and development should go more smoothly.

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 133: The Second War Begins

They all found themselves blinking in stark contrast of the lazy morning sun from moments ago to a heavy orb of late afternoon beating down on them all. Alice got a particularly painful landing, smashing face first into something hot and metal, Lily found herself scattered painfully in a pile of woodchips, and Frank was somehow twisted up in a lone swing set, the other already broken. Regulus was perched ungainly on the very highest peak of the playground, the sign visible to him at the end of the road from his view trailing this as Magnolia Park.

Peter, Lupin, and Potter were visible scattered around the street as well, his friend having smacked against the chain link fence and had the mark on his face to prove it. Lupin was still dazedly in the street right in front of where one of those muggle contraptions could run over him, or fly over him if it was anything like Arthur's. Potter was looking curiously around at all the Muggle dwellings, but bypassed them as he ducked his head around the corner and immediately took to his feet, ignoring the bleeding palms of his hands for landing on the sidewalk like that as he called after Sirius. He couldn't see his brother in the alleyway but kept his balance on his wooden perch and tipped his head up to the sun anyways, enjoying the view and thinking to himself for now.

If they'd been born Muggles, would they have ever done something as simple as play at a park together before? He'd never wanted to be one before, it was base traitorous to his species he was sure to even entertain the thought, and besides, those Dursleys proved enough Muggles were no better about being scum than some wizards. What Evans had said still lingered in him though, what he'd give just to play a game at a place like this.

Sirius had been the only one to land in the shade of the alleyway and so was already brushing himself off and back on his feet the fastest, but he could see from his crooked vantage that nobody was dying, not even Regulus who seemed in no danger of falling, so he'd happily kept himself out of the way for now, leaning against the cool wall and wondering if this was the exact spot Harry had once fended off the dementors and gotten his first sight of him so long ago as he still turned everything over while James and Remus quickly joined him anyways.

"I'm fine," he told them both before they could even ask, and he really meant it this time. He told them in detail and made sure to meet both of their eyes as often as he could so they'd believe him, "I'm exhausted, and depressed as hell it came to this, and still pretty pissed all things considered, but we'll be fine."

James only studied him for a moment before relief flooded him and he seemed to take him at word. Remus though was studying him intently, a question on his lips he kept suppressing by pursing them up and glancing guiltily at James.

He had an idea what this was going to be about and so saved Moony the awkwardness of stopping their fooling around before James even did know about it. "Give us a moment, yeah?"

Prongs looked surprised at the dismissal, but not particularly offended, appraising the two for a moment before shrugging and jogging off towards Peter. Sirius watched him go, never having felt more love in his life for his brother, James still trusted him after everything. He met Peter's eyes and flashed him a genuine smile, who'd been standing on the edge of the grass. Sirius couldn't deny he was a bit glad he hadn't come over though, he really was too tired to deal with anything else right now and that swirl of emotions he couldn't avoid when he did head over there after this. He had a lot of cleanup to do.

Surprised, but willing when Remus took his hand and took him deeper into the alley out of sight of the park entirely, they could go no farther back onto the other street from the barrier once more. He braced himself, telling himself he would not hold it against Moony for cutting this off now that he'd had a reality check and that hadn't been helping, so he was fairly surprised when Remus leaned in and kissed him fiercely instead.

Sirius hummed in pleasure at how very alive he felt, the warm bricks on his back, Remus's fingers trailing lightly up his neck and hovering there, pulling him in closer and feeling very secure in how utterly good this still felt. The book finally started though, and the two sprung apart like the guilty party they still were as Evans read The Second War Begins.

"I'm, surprised," Sirius admitted quietly, the burning pain of Harry suffering through the various stages of grief only slightly easier to get through as he rubbed his thumb against Remus's bottom lip in silent question.

"Of course, you idiot," he scoffed in return, before he seemed to check himself and looked at Sirius steadily. "Look, I know we started this for the wrong reasons, but um, I've been wanting to do that this whole time, and I should have, but, I've been a coward. Look, you should know, I-"

"Think we should tell James," Sirius thought he was agreeing. Remus pulled back though and Sirius let his hand fall in surprise as he surmised, "that's, not what you were going to say?" It only just occurred to him he hadn't told Moony of his more recent conviction to even do so and probably should mention it to him first. "I know I said we'd wait until we got out of this mess, but come on Remus. You know he's no more going to be one of those pureblood arseholes who frowns upon shirt-lifters than I am. He should know why we keep buggering off."

"I just, like my business private, you know that," he muttered, no longer looking directly at him.

Sirius flushed and leaned farther into the mortar now with shame, but Remus quickly corrected, "not that I'm accusing- look Sirius let's move past that Snape shit for the last time, honestly. The arsehole is not worth the breath wasted."

"And we'll be discreet," Sirius more than happily agreed, taking Remus's hand and hoping he was caving. "Won't tell anyone else obviously, none of their bloody business, not even Peter if you don't want."

Remus still looked a tad panicked, so Sirius altered, "not next time everyone falls asleep, I'm too exhausted to stay up myself, but the one after that then?" Let him get used to the idea at least beforehand, that felt like a kind compromise anyways.

"Okay," it did seem to ease him up, he released a breath anyways and squeezed Sirius's fingers. He still tensed his shoulders though and looked like he was building himself up to say something, but then leaned in and kissed him again, with somehow even more enthusiasm than before.

He was very convinced Moony was just worried about being caught now, and hadn't the blood left in the right places to worry about such a thing as his fingers frisked lower.

"Down boy," Remus pulled back with a chuckle, leaving Sirius a panting and flustered mess. "Can't stay like this forever now," his smile was odd.

Sirius huffed and glared at the neighboring houses. "Think any of those will open for us? I'd curl up on that grass for a lie down if I wasn't worried Evans would shove those wood chips under my nails, and you know how I'd sleep even better." He still had his hand very suggestively in place.

Remus placed his hands on either side of the wall and pressed their foreheads together but seemed unwilling to do anything else, as if suspended in place. Sirius sighed but finally forced himself to be the one to pull away, ducking under his arm and jogging back out into the street to check himself. Remus already knew it hadn't worked though when he yelled at the top of his lungs, "no bed and breakfast for us, but thanks for stopping to check Evans!"

It was all too easy to picture in his head, Sirius jogging over to James's side like nothing had happened, the two still able to keep each other's spirits up through Harry's miserable coping, as if hoping their laughter would echo through time for him.

'You should have just asked,' Remus continued, accusing himself now that Sirius was long gone and it would be even weirder and more noticeable if he called him back. 'He's not a bloody mind reader!' It did matter to him though, what exactly Sirius wanted to say to James. That the two were just off shagging, or that maybe it was something more? He had time now at least, not much but some to get up the nerve and ask later.

Sirius certainly hadn't made it seem like it was going to be any such thing that full moon day he'd screwed all this up, but things had changed since then. They'd been through a lot dealing with these books and mostly each other, and he was positive enough in the enthusiasm Padfoot still showed just now his reluctance back in the Centaur's home had just been his abysmal way of dealing with this future and shutting down, which Remus should have stepped in and helped him with like Prongs had!

The hell was the matter with him, too cowardly to comfort him when he needed it but dragging him off like this at a convenient time? Or was it all just wistful thinking on his part he could have even made a difference, maybe only James really could have gotten through to him in that moment, it's not like he'd done anyone any good in this future after all.

He knew what a hypocrite he was being too, doing exactly what Sirius just had and trying to put it all off for later and avoid really talking to him. He wouldn't let it build up so bad he'd have a bloody breakdown over it though, he quickly promised himself. He just had to ask, and accept whatever Sirius's answer was, nothing else was required on his part. If Sirius didn't reciprocate he couldn't force anything to happen otherwise regardless.

Pushing himself off the wall and still cursing Prongs for these stupid too-tight pants, he leaned in the shadows for now and watched with a smile as his prediction had been exactly right.

Sirius had gone right over to James, and there was that air around him all the Marauders knew so well as he smiled at his best mate and instigated, "want to play king of the castle?" With his head cocked suspiciously in Regulus's direction.

"I'm game," James promised at once, turning back to Peter and only feeling slightly bad he already forgot whatever he'd been saying about magnolias and their plant properties. "Want to team up with him?" He offered in form of apologizing by letting them play start and including Regulus without protest.

Peter couldn't have looked more surprised if James had just blotted out the sun, but he grinned and said, "yes," at once. Hopping the fence and quickly scaling the playground nearly up to Regulus and explaining quickly while the two were already silently counting down the head-start they'd given.

Lily sighed as Potter began laughing again of all things while Harry was boarding the train once more to a home that didn't want him, now with no options left in the world even if the Order did arrive in some form of collective presence. She finally understood though, watching them play some deranged game that seemed to have no rules as the four shot spells at each other with no clear endgame to her. James Potter, much like his best friend, would never pass up an opportunity for a laugh if it was available, and she was really starting to see how that was okay as she caught herself smiling for the infectious noise and holding off far longer than was needed to on the last sentence as the park teemed with life.

HPHPHPHP

As always, please feel free to guess future chapter locations, as well as what you're looking forward to seeing them react to. I have them all planned out at least in principle, but it'll greatly amuse me  to see your guesses.

[mylifewithhurley]

The Lifter of My Head

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

This week, a co-worker had an extremely bad allergic reaction. Her body broke out in hives all over and she was extremely itchy and uncomfortable. She had even cried about it, out of frustration and fear. Somewhere in the middle of her describing her experience with it all, she mentioned that if she had to live the rest of her life that way, she wouldn't. I froze. 

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. Proverbs 12:25 I once read somewhere that HS is not fatal, except in cases of suicide. While I don't personally know anyone who has committed suicide as a result of not able to cope with the disease, I can totally understand not wanting to live this way. HS can be so awful. Yes, it does get THAT bad. I can understand wanting it all to end. Actually, I've been there. Maybe my co-worker didn't mean it, but I could relate to it all. All of the symptoms, all of the emotions, and sadly, even the not wanting to live part. But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. Psalm 3:3 While I have never felt the urge to kill myself, I have had thoughts of wanting to die or be killed because I didn't want to live with the pain & shame of HS. I have thought to myself - if this is how my life is going to be, I don't want it. I have wished that a car would come out of no where and hit mine, front driver side - quick and dirty. Of course, I never told anyone I've felt this way. These are the kinds of thoughts that people keep to themselves. There's a stigma around people that have these sort of feelings and God forbid we be considered one of them, right? But we are them. It's a fact: our disease makes us susceptible to depression and wanting to die. That's okay because these thoughts and feelings can be conquered and there is a beautiful testimony to be shared at the end of it all. Consider it a great joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you experience various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4 

It may be easier said than done, but one of the most important things to remember is that you are not alone. Of course, you have family and friends that love and care for you. Sometimes, though, you just want to know there are others out there who can truly understand what it is you're feeling. There is a large online community of HS sufferers who can absolutely understand and are always there. And if that isn't enough for you, you can step outside that community and find others; those who suffer from other autoimmune diseases or struggle with depression, who you will be able to relate to also. You may even find some comfort in personal accounts and testimonies recorded in the Bible. The Bible is filled with stories of people who waited on God and were not disappointed. There's Job, who was definitely depressed after losing everything but never, ever lost his faith, and was eventually restored fully. There's the people of Israel who wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, but continued to follow the men God placed before them, before finally reaching the land that was promised to them. God made Sarah laugh with joy when he gave her a child in her old age, after for most of her life she believed and grieved that she was barren and could not have children. You are not alone. Trust God. You will not be put to shame. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

We become depressed not because we have been defeated or dominated by the giant we face, but when we are overwhelmed and controlled by negative thoughts. We know the Word of God says "many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all" (Psalm 34:19), but we also welcome thoughts and lies from the enemy, telling us things will never get better and we will suffer forever. The devil wants to steal and control of all your thoughts and to keep you in a state of depression. Nurture your thoughts of God being bigger and better than your problems. Feed your appetite for the Word of God.  The mind is very powerful. Encourage your hope. Increase your praise. Strengthen your faith. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8). It's true - one thought of your situation can enslave you and send you down a rabbit hole of depressive thoughts, but it's also true that one thought of Jesus, his goodness, his faithfulness, his grace, his mercy, his love, can lift you out of the pit. It takes strategy, discipline and practice, but when you catch the enemy stealing control of your thoughts, make him pay you back, sevenfold (Proverbs 6:30-31).

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

[apsbicepstraining]

This Gym Is Hiding Its Reflects For Body Positivity, But How Does That Help?

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fittest of them all? To answer that, you’d have to be able to see the reflect. Fed up with post-workout selfies and social media narcissism, budget gym Blink Fitness has pledged to cover up its reflects every Monday.

The monthlong campaign, called Monday Without Mirrors, will take place in Blink locations across New York and New Jersey, according to a press release. Instead of watching their bicep bends, weightlifters will be greeted by dark-brown paper reproduced with motivational slogans like, Do it for the feeling , not just the mirror.

With so-called bikini season upon us, Blink’s management says the program is a method of promoting overall wellness instead of precisely a number on the scale.

Ellen Roggemann, Blink’s vice president of marketing, told InStyle,

We want to change the hyperbole around fitness. To focus on the emotional benefits of exert and foster our members to take a break from the mirror and have focused on working out to feel healthier.

Blink is far from the first gym to roll out a mas image-friendly planned. Competitor Planet Fitness, for example, blares a lunk alarm” buzzer when weightlifters fell their heavy dumbbells or grunt. It’s all in an attempt to create an environment that’s friendly for parties of every fitness degree, and it works to some extent. However, the series is often taunted for its Judgement-Free Zone motto and in-location Pizza Mondays. Why burn off all that cheese, only to chow down on more?

As a number of gyms seek to promote overall wellness in place of fitness, the situation has proved frustrating to some regular gym-goers. Racked draws up one particular Blink member who wrote on Facebook,

It’s kind of hard to make sure one is using proper figure without a reflect. And considering that your gym actively marketplaces to embarking lifters, it’s certainly curious that you’d make an issue of this.

I can’t appreciate the phase of covering up mirrors. For me, the pilgrimage to a regular fitness number has taken a handful of years — more than one type of workout I cease right as it get hard and endless sweat lowerings on my brow. So much of wellness and practise lies in impounding yourself accountable, whether for the drunken cheese fries last-place night or the mile that wasn’t as fast as it could’ve been.

If you’d preferably look around the gym, comparing your own gut chub to everyone else’s abs, that’s your own choice with or without the mirror. Brown paper can’t stop insecurityif you’re already ingest up by it. The destination is due to cope with insecurity and develop individual points , not merely deport PR safaruss and strip paper over mirrors.

What’s more, fitness should be a challenge to both mind and person. If you want to stay just active and take a 20 -minute walk once a day, I’m all for that. But I think that’s a different aim than athleticism, which requires overcoming both mental and physical obstacles. It’s not for everybody, but it probably is for the ones who bother signing up for gym memberships.

And as for the reflects, what’s wrong with liking the method your mas examines? If the one thing that preserves you coming back, day in day out, is the pole you regularly upload from the gym locker chamber what’s incorrect with that?

Moreover, mirrors make sense in the world of fitness, where the only person who can truly realize you stronger is yourself. I like to sit in the figurehead of my categories, lookingmy thinking in the eyes and challenging myself to push through that last 30 -second interval. There’s something strong about making a promise to no one but myself, then impeding it.

Blink Fitness should recognise climate and mirror aren’t mutually exclusive. It’s all part of the same challenge.

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