#I come across as such a jerk but please I'm human too

[arttsuka]

People who reques things should at least keep in mind how my art looks like and stop asking for unrealistic and complicated stuff.

[nightmareweaverz]

What Is Love? (Mr. Gap x GN!Reader)

(Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me)

This contains spoilers!!

CW: brief mention of murder, one single swear word, romantic gestures but it's all SFW, reader is a serial killer Word count: 1923

Hi, hello, I ended up writing fanfiction for this game after all. And it's for Mr. Gap because I love this dumb void creature obsessed with body parts. He's a love interest in the game, don't boo me, I'm right. Might continue this one later, maybe? Not sure if it's a one shot or not yet.

How long has it been since you’d decided to return to the other world indefinitely? You’re not entirely sure. Time is hard to measure here. You sleep when you are tired and you eat when you’re hungry. You’re at least certain you’ve slept many times since then. Sometimes you wonder whether decades go by as you remain here, among ghosts and monsters. 

If you’re entirely honest, it isn’t so bad. You can massacre whoever you please and nobody bats an eye. There’s no need to hide bodies, build alibis, get rid of evidence. 

Yet, at the same time, with every new set of hallways and decaying rooms, you begin to sympathize more with the likes of Mr. Stitch and Mr. Machete. You’d once wondered why someone would give away clothes for free or play hairdresser in this world. Now you find yourself yearning for something similar, a purpose or at least a way to pass the time. 

At least you aren’t alone. Mr. Gap has become an expected presence in every crevice, hole and gash you gaze into. He’s still a mischievous little jerk, of course, but there is comfort in knowing someone nonthreatening is at your side at all times. And he keeps your boredom at bay sometimes. 

One day (or perhaps night), you’re walking through the maze of hallways and rooms of the Other World, searching for a way to entertain yourself. You hope to encounter a new face. Or perhaps an old one. Part of you still hopes you’ll run into Mr. Crawling or Mr. Chopped again, as unlikely as it may be. 

Room, after room, after room, you walk. Until, eventually, your legs grow tired and, with a long sigh, you lean against a wall. Mr. Gap’s face appears in a nearby hole. 

“What wrong?” he inquires. 

“Bored,” you confess. 

“Me fun. Give your heart.” 

You scoff. “You not fun.” 

He shoots you a disgruntled look of disbelief, which begrudgingly makes you snicker. He thinks too highly of himself if he believes constant demands for body parts is considered entertainment. Messing with him on the other hand�� 

You set your crowbar aside, then curl your palms in the shape of a heart, which you then present to Mr. Gap. 

“What you do?” 

“This is heart.” 

“That is hand.” 

“No, this is heart. Above world heart.” You grin mischievously. 

He looks entirely unimpressed and partially confused. “That not heart.” 

“This heart humans show when lots of like someone.” 

He goes quiet for a bit, still staring at your hands like they’re an unsolvable riddle. Then he stares at your face, even more confused. “You lots of like me?” 

Oh. You hadn’t considered that’s how the explanation would come across. You were only trying to poke fun at him. How do you talk your way out of this one? Would he get mad if you said no? Would it even be true to say no? You don’t think you’re ready for that type of introspection. 

“That…” you search for the right words in the very limited vocabulary of the Other World’s language. “Not… know…” you finally force out. 

“Why this heart show?” 

Now it’s your turn to grow frustrated with him. “Why you want heart?” 

He’s already given you an answer to that question in the past. Because it’s fun. Something you failed to comprehend. Perhaps the same way he failed to comprehend your idea of “like.” So before he can answer, you grab your crowbar and march off. 

Unfortunately, the question pops into your mind again as you continue to wander aimlessly. Can someone like you fall in love? 

You've taken so many lives, simply because it was fun or convenient or you got sick of their attitude. You've done the same thing in this world. 

The hunched over figure of Mr. Crawling pops into your mind. Then, the smiling face of Mr. Chopped. And, eventually, Mr. Gap's annoying grin. Those are people you wouldn't kill. They are people you want to keep around. Perhaps people you would kill for instead, if needed. But does this attachment go deep enough to be called love? 

Perhaps you aren't sure of what that feeling is anymore than Mr. Gap and it’s all feigned knowledge. 

Your feet are hurting by the time you finally find a proper place to rest. You've lost track of time. 

Though your body is tired, your mind remains restless as you set aside your crowbar and sit on the bed. This is a far cry from the entertaining activity you’d hoped to find. 

“What wrong?” a familiar voice inquires beneath the sheets. You lift them up to reveal Mr. Gap’ face once again. 

How do you even explain your issue to him? 

“Feeling not know.” 

He goes quiet for a bit. “Teach me lots of like?” 

Is he saying he wants you to explain love to him? How do you even begin to do that? Perhaps you can narrow it down to romantic love at least. 

“When lots of like, person special. Say nice words. Want to protect. Want to follow. Do special touch. Help person when need.” 

The limited vocabulary makes it especially hard to put it into words. You aren't sure how well you'd explain it to another human either. 

As expected, Mr. Gap looks puzzled. “Nice words? Special touch?” 

He's focusing on the more romantic aspects, it seems. You prop your head against your hand, thinking. “Nice words not have here language. My language have nice words.” 

“I see…” he murmurs. “Show special touch?” 

You pout at him. “Why?” 

“Want to know.” 

So he's just curious. Or, knowing him, he heard the word “special” and decided he wanted it to be about him. He does have a bit of a big ego, always taking pride in startling you, often shoving pages of articles about him in your face. You cross your arms and turn your back to him. 

“What wrong?” 

“You bad. Me need help, you want heart. Me need help, you want hand, you want head, you want leg. Me not show special touch.” 

“Me nice,” he says, sounding offended. You don't have to turn around to know he's giving you that astonished look he makes whenever you criticize or baffle him. 

You laugh mockingly. “Not. Goodnight.” And with that, you shove down the sheet, blocking him from view. He's always poking fun at you, it's about time he got a taste of his own medicine. 

. . . 

When you wake up, Mr. Gap is nowhere in sight. It isn't entirely unusual. He has moments when he's off doing his own thing. Deciding to do the same, you take off in search of something interesting to occupy yourself with. Preferably not another mind boggling question. 

Hours pass, probably. Residents appear every once in a while, some friendly, some hostile. None of them scare you anymore. You only interact with them to pass the time. Until you eventually come to a stop in a room full of debris and objects from the human world. There, you sit down and begin to search for anything worthwhile. Maybe something to read. 

To your luck, you gather several magazines and books. Your arms are full by the time you feel a tremor shake the room. Another earthquake. You waste no time getting out of there with your new haul. 

But as you stop to set everything down, you realize you've left your crowbar behind, in the now collapsed room. A few curses rush out under your breath. 

“Hello.” 

You turn around to find Mr. Gap peeking out of a hole in the wall. “Want attack tool?” He waves the tip of your lost crowbar around. “Take, take.” 

“Take? You not want heart?” 

“Not want!” 

Huh. Maybe he took your criticism yesterday to heart. You grab the crowbar and mutter a “Thank you.” 

That wide, unnerving smile of his spreads over his face before he fades off into the darkness. What is he planning now? 

For the next few days, he continues to go out of his way to bring you things, take you places and fulfill any requests you might have without demanding any body parts in exchange. Relying on him almost becomes a habit. However, you have a slight suspicion he's not doing this out of the goodness of his heart or because he felt particularly sad about your accusations. These nice gestures must be leading to something. 

And surely enough, at some point, during one of your breaks from wandering, he appears before you, looking particularly delighted. 

“Me nice. Show special touch.” 

How typical. You narrow your eyes at him. 

“No?” he asks, the smile fading from his face. 

Part of you wants to lecture him on doing all that to prove a point. The other part suspects it won’t do much. 

“Okay okay. Me show,” you give in. Maybe this will make him act nicer overall. You can't deny the fact that he's helped you a lot lately. 

“Thank you.” 

You position yourself directly in front of the hole in the wall and then point at him. “Hand.” 

He blinks. “Not give my hand.” 

Of course he thinks you want his severed hand. 

“Me touch your hand,” you clarify. At that, he finally understands and sticks one of his hands out. 

His palm feels cold and damp to the touch when you press yours against it, but his skin is oddly soft. You interlock your fingers. His own remain limp in the air for a moment. Then, upon observing what you're doing, his fingers press down against the back of your palm, mimicking yours. It's not an unpleasant feeling. 

Are his nails naturally black or does he paint them, you wonder. The image of Mr. Gap painting his nails makes you snicker internally. 

“This one touch,” you explain. “Human person do this with special person.” 

He stares at your interlocked hands, intrigued. “You know more?” 

Naturally, you do, but you hesitate as the next gesture comes to mind. Your own curiosity is beginning to kick in, ushering you to try it. Will it awaken anything in you? 

Driven by that curiosity you say: “Yes.” Then, reach into the opening in the wall with your free hand. 

His cheek is just as cold and damp as his hand, perhaps the effect of dwelling inside crevices and hollows all the time. Gently, you tug him towards you and he follows, gaze flickering between your hand and your face. You lean closer as well. 

His lips are dry against yours. And you feel no breath from him. Whether it's because he's holding it in or he never breathes to begin with, you aren't sure. You don't linger for long, but something odd stirs your insides for the brief moment you spend kissing him. 

How suitable, for someone like you to be exploring love with a sinister void dweller who knows even less about it than you do. Oddly enough, you don't dislike it. 

“This lots, lots special,” you explain after you've pulled away and let go of his hand. 

He uses his now freed hand to touch his lips. A smug look is slowly overtaking his face. This arrogant little jerk. 

“Me special,” he concludes. 

“Not,” you argue. “You ask. Me show.” 

You have a bit of a staring contest between your glare and his smug grin. 

“Me want your heart,” he says finally, still with that smug look. 

“Oh, fuck you!” 

It's going to take a long time if Mr. Gap is to become anything akin to a lover.

[rottenpumpkin13]

AGZSC find a copy of Cards Against Humanity and decide to play. How much chaos ensues?

SOLDIERs Against Humanity

• Genesis pulls out a Cards Against Humanity deck when they're all in the break room one day. Angeal's knee-jerk reaction is to dive across the couch and grab it from him.

• Indignant, Genesis asks him what's wrong. Angeal makes it clear that they won't be playing Cards Against Humanity, on account of it ending like every other game they play together.

Angeal: I'm calling it now—Genesis is going to whine about being given unfair cards, Sephiroth is going to accuse everyone of cheating, and Zack is going to cry when he loses.

Zack: That's bogus! Where did you get that idea??

Angeal: Because that's what happened the last time we played Uno, which resulted in a crime scene tape, a table being cut in half and the discovery that you can, in fact, stab someone with a card. *Looks long and hard at Sephiroth*

Genesis: That won't happen again, I assure you.

Zack: Yeah, well behave! We promise!

Sephiroth: And I'll do it again.

*Zack and Genesis slap him upside the head*

Sephiroth: I mean....yes, we'll behave.

Angeal: Fine, but since I'm playing too we'll need a game master.

Sephiroth: Get Strife in here.

Zack: Cloud said he won't play board games with us anymore because he doesn't wanna go to jail.

Genesis: Ridiculous. Sephiroth, come with me.

• Thirty minutes later, they drag Cloud up kicking and screaming (literally). Angeal sets the game up on the coffee table—he insisted that they play right there so that the entire SOLDIER floor can hear them fighting and it'll shame them into behaving.

• Cloud shuffles the deck and hands them out to everyone. Zack takes one look at his own cards and pales, staring at them frozen in horror.

Zack: Uh...are these cards right!?

Angeal: What did I just say about complaining about the cards!?

Zack: I'm not complaining, I'M CONCERNED.

• Cloud pulls out the first black card.

Cloud: "Because they are forbidden from masturbating, planetarians channel their repressed sexual energy into_____"

Genesis: Ha! Dying of dysentery

Angeal: A family of chocobos. This game makes me feel like a terrible person.

Cloud: Sephiroth, you're next.

Sephiroth: Actually, I don't feel that these cards accurately answer the query. You see, planetarians—

Genesis: Sephiroth, do you understand the game?

Sephiroth: I do.

Genesis: Then answer with a card.

Sephiroth: But the cards don't make sense. In what world do planetarians channel their repressed sexual energy into, quote, Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding??

*Angeal and Genesis lose their shit*

Cloud: Zack, you're next.

*Zack is trembling in fear*

Cloud: "Because they are forbidden from masturbating, planetarians channel their repressed sexual energy into_____"

Zack: Sephiroth's mother.

Angeal: WHAT?

Zack: IT'S NOT ME, IT'S THE CARD I SWEAR *he shows them the card*

Genesis: HOW DID YOU GET A SEPHIROTH-THEMED ONE? THAT'S NOT FAIR.

Zack: Sephiroth, you're not mad are you?

Sephiroth: Of course not. It's merely a game.

Cloud: Zack, one point. Let's continue.

Cloud: "In Midgar County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for_____"

Genesis: Blow Up Bianca the Latex Lovedoll!

Angeal: A defective condom.

Sephiroth: Again, I'm unsure how one can trade, quote, "Feeling aroused by vehicular manslaughter," for cigarettes. Usually, when in jail, one will look to trade comestibles and other—

Genesis: I am going to choke you to death with your own hair.

Sephiroth:

Cloud: Zack, you're—stop crying—you're next. In Midgar County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for_____"

Zack: A night of passion with Sephiroth's mother.

Genesis: HOW COME YOU GOT ALL THE GOOD CARDS?

Angeal: SERIOUSLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR CARDS?

Zack: I DON'T KNOW.

Zack: Sephiroth, please don't be mad!

Sephiroth: I'm slightly irritated, but otherwise calm.

Cloud: Zack, two points. Moving on. "A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without____"

Genesis: Calculating every mannerism so as not to suggest homosexuality!

Angeal: Oh my god. Dwarf tossing. Zack, are you sobbing??

Sephiroth: Due to my limited romantic experience, I cannot possibly—

Genesis: FOR THE LOVE OF SHIT USE THE CARDS.

Cloud: Zack is having a panic attack.

Sephiroth: But it doesn't make sense. How is a romantic, candlelit dinner complete with, quote, Fetal alcohol syndrome?

Cloud: Zack, you're next. A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without____

Zack, sobbing: A mutual orgasm with Sephiroth's mother.

Genesis: THAT'S IT. I CAN'T PLAY IF ZACK'S GOING TO CHEAT.

Zack: I'M NOT CHEATING LOOK AT MY CARD.

Angeal: GENESIS, SIT DOWN YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD BEHAVE.

Cloud: WHY ARE WE FIGHTING?

Angeal: WE'RE NOT FIGHTING. WE'RE HAVING A LOVELY GAME AMONGST FRIENDS—SEPHIROTH WHY DO YOU HAVE A KNIFE?

*Zack is sobbing louder and trying to run away, Genesis is holding him down*

Sephiroth: I like to have it on hand should I feel the need to use it.

*Lazard pokes his head in the room*

Lazard: STOP YELLING OR I'M GOING TO CALL THE POLICE.

Cloud: GUYS, SHUT UP. SIT DOWN. Zack, one point.

Genesis: WHY ARE YOU GIVING HIM ALL THE POINTS??

Cloud: BECAUSE HE'S THE ONLY ONE WITH GOOD ANSWERS.

*Lazard pokes his head back in the room*

Lazard: WHAT DID I JUST—

*Angeal rips off his boot and violently throws it at him*

Cloud: Next round. "What's the gift that keeps on giving?"

Genesis: Being a dick to children!

Angeal: A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis—HEY! WHERE ARE YOU—Cloud, sit on Zack so he doesn't escape.

Zack: I'M GOING TO DIE.

Cloud: Sephiroth, you're next.

Sephiroth: I feel that I need more context to provide an accurate answer.

Angeal: I FEEL THAT I NEED TO REARRANGE YOUR FACE WITH A TIRE HAMMER TO GET YOU TO PLAY PROPERLY.

Genesis: AH-HA! YOU SAID WE HAD TO BEHAVE!

Angeal: WE'RE NOT FIGHTING. WE'RE BEING CIVIL TO EACH OTHER.

Sephiroth: You're red in the face. That suggests internalized anger.

*Angeal rips off his other boot and throws it at Sephiroth*

Cloud: Zack, now you. What's the gift that keeps on giving?

Zack, sobbing: Sephiroth's mother's breasts.

*Sephiroth puts Masamune on the table*

*Zack screams and sobs louder*

Genesis: UGH! WHY DIDN'T I GET ANY SEPHIROTH THEMED ONES??? HOW IS THIS FAIR???

Cloud: Zack, another point to you.

*Genesis flies at Cloud but Angeal and Sephiroth hold him back*

Genesis: THIS IS BULLSHIT. I'M AT A DISADVANTAGE.

Sephiroth: Angeal, you were wrong. Genesis is the one crying because he's losing.

Angeal: CAN WE JUST FINISH THE GAME ALREADY? ZACK, STOP CRYING. SEPHIROTH ISN'T GOING TO HURT YOU.

*Sephiroth is sharpening his sword and smiling sweetly at Zack*

Zack, sniffling: I only have one card left and it's not about Sephiroth's mother. Maybe I'm safe now!

Cloud: Good. Next round. "What did Sephiroth bring back from his trip to the labs?"

*Zack sobs loudly as he holds up a card that reads "AN OEDIPUS COMPLEX"

Sephiroth: THAT'S IT

*Sephiroth dives across the table and grabs Zack by the neck. Zack is screaming. Angeal is trying to pull them apart*

Cloud: Zack wins.

Genesis: FUCK ALL OF THIS.

*Genesis breaks the table in half*

*Lazard pokes his head back in the room*

Lazard: ALRIGHT! NO MORE CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY. YOU PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE SHIT.

[morganwrites12672]

An Unfortunate Turn of Events

Rowan Whitethorn x Reader

Summary: "I imagine something where the reader was kidnapped and is being tortured, maybe she was undercover but everything went wrong, and now Rowan has to save her? Just something cute please"

A/N: Thanks for the request! I loved this ask so much (I had to cut out some of it so it wasn't too long but I read the entire thing and I am very grateful).

。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

It was rather unfortunate. It was supposed to be a simple assignment. In and out. Just gathering a little bit of intel, and then heading back to home.

If only it had gone that way.

The past twenty-four hours ran through Y/n's head as she sat there, tied to the chair. She hadn't even realized it had been a trap until it was too late. Someone knew she was undercover gathering intel. Someone had given her up. Whenever she returned, she would find the bastard herself.

Ignoring the pain she was in, and the stiffness of her body, she thought about Rowan. He had always worried about her, and she had always tols him not to. She was highly trained, she would be fine. Or so she thought.

Her eyes snapped open as the rusty door was jerked open. Her blood practically ran cold as a man walked in, accompanied by a metal cart. The items on the cart sent a shiver down her spine. She had been trained to endure far worse.

She wasn't worried about herself or what this man was about to do to her, she was worried about Rowan. How would he react to finding out her assignment had gone South?

By now, he was probably scouring the lands. Looking for her. She knew he would. Hell, he probably half the entire Cadre looking for her. He wouldn't leave his mate in a cell. He would go insane trying to find her.

。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

Y/n groaned, a loud noise awaking her. She hissed in pain as she tried to move. She could see the fresh wounds littering her bruised body. The only thing that had kept her sane was the thought of Rowan. She wasn't able to escape herself. The chains were made of pure iron.

A man walked in the room, a human. She instantly noticed the lack of pinged ears. She felt the mating bond thrum in her chest before she saw him, Rowan. He practically stormed in the room. The man Rowan had brought quickly picked the locks on her wrists, midsection, and ankles.

She almost sobbed in relief as Rowan helped her stand. She could feel the anger radiating off of him. He was pissed. Seeing the bruises and cuts across her body, it only made him even more determined to find the bastard who had given up her identity.

"Is there anything fatal?" He asked, his voice a low growl. She could see the concern on his face as he helped her walk out of the room. She shook her head, still not able to form words.

He gave a curt nod of acknowledgement. The earlier chaos she had heard earlier had died down, the base was quiet. Too quiet. She looked to Rowan, wondering whom he had brought with him.

He didn't even look at her. He simply navigated his way out of the base. She would make him answer her questions once they were in a secured location.

"You're going to be okay, we're almost out of her," His voice had lost the earlier harshness. His concern for her outweighed his hatred for the situation.

A faint smile graced her lips despite the pain she was in. He had come for her. The second she hadn't returned on time, he had began his search. Every hour she wasn't accounted for, his desperation grew.

"I know. It was just... a an unfortunate turn of events," Y/n said. Attempting to brush off this entire event. She would try and control his anger.

His voice was a growl as he spoke, "An unfortunate turn of events?" He stopped walking for a moment. "You were kidnapped and tortured! I'm going to find who did this," He murmured as he continued walking with her.

She sighed, there was no convincing him other wise. He was far too angry over this for her to convince him of anything short of finding the man and making sure his death was as slow as possible.

Before she knew it, they were out of the dark building. She squinted her eyes as she was adjusted to the brightness of daylight. She saw the few horse waiting for them.

God's above.

He really had brought most of the Cadre. Fenrys, Lorcan, and Gavriel all waited on horses. So Rowan had sent them out once the guards were down. She was in awe as she mounted Rowan's horse (more of Rowan placing her on top of it).

"I'll always find you," He whispered as he mounted on behind her, taking the reigns.

。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

I had so much fun writing this! I love getting Rowan requests. Send some more my way!

[another-lost-mc]

MAMMON x gn!Reader 1.3k Words | SFW | Fluff | Pet Names (Babe, Treasure) | Some cursing -> Prompt: Working in the Garden Together [ obey me! masterlist ]

It started one ordinary afternoon at RAD when you and Mammon were heading to lunch together. Barbatos appeared out of nowhere and stepped into your path to get your attention. He ignored Mammon's annoyed grumbles and bowed to you in apology.

"There's something I'd like to talk to you about, if you have a spare moment?" He didn't usually approach you like this in the middle of the school day, and you were curious about what he wanted.

"You can go on ahead without me," you suggested to Mammon quietly as you pulled your hand away from his.

"Nah, I'll wait here for ya, babe," Mammon muttered as he watched Barbatos lead you across the hall to a little alcove that wasn't quite as noisy.

The hallways were still teeming with other students going to lunch, but Mammon stayed exactly where he was. He leaned against the wall and pretended to scroll through his D.D.D. while glancing up very frequently to see what you and Barbatos were up to. He couldn't hear what you were discussing, but whatever it was lit up your face with excitement, and Barbatos seemed pleased by your reaction.

Fortunately, Diavolo's butler didn't keep you long. He nodded to Mammon before he disappeared into the throng of students, and you returned to Mammon's side with a little bounce in your step.

"Hungry?" you asked him, and you laced your fingers together and tugged him in the direction of the cafeteria.

"Oh, definitely," he responded stiffly. He cleared his throat and glanced at you from the corner of his eye. "So, what'd Barbatos want with ya?"

You flashed him an excited grin that made his heart stutter. "He ordered some new plants for the castle gardens, but he said he overestimated how many he needed. He offered to give us some for the house."

Mammon rubbed the back of his head. "Plants? Like flowers? Why'd he offer 'em to us?"

"I mentioned once or twice that I always wanted to garden. My—well, I knew someone who was really talented, but I didn't have a chance to learn." You chuckled and shook your head. "I'm not much of a green thumb. He said the plants he's giving us are beginner-friendly so maybe it won't be too difficult." You shrugged. "It doesn't hurt to try, right?"

Mammon held your hand while you both stood in line to buy your lunches, and he only let go once you were both seated and he was snug at your side. You seemed fine, but your eyes had that faraway look, the one you got whenever you talked about something that reminded you of the human world.

He glanced down at his lunch tray and moved the food around with his fork without really eating it.

Gardening, huh?

Chat: 24

Mammon: Yo, Satan.

Mammon: You spend a lot of time in the garden with your cats, right?

Satan: They're not my—

Satan: Yes, I do. Why?

Mammon: What do you know about gardening?

Satan: Gardening?

Mammon: You know, when you stick things in the ground and they grow.

Satan: I know what gardening is.

Satan: Why do YOU want to know about it?

Mammon: It's hard to explain.

Mammon: Meet me in the library, will ya?

Chat: 12

Mammon: Have I told you lately that you're the best big brother that a second-oldest, second-best brother could ask for?

Lucifer: What do you want, Mammon?

Mammon: I need Goldie back.

Lucifer: Absolutely not.

Mammon: Come on, it's important.

Lucifer: I'll be the judge of that.

Mammon: Look, it's not for me. It's for...it's for the house. I just need to pick up a few things on Akuzon.

Lucifer: I heard from Satan that you were interested in a new hobby.

Mammon: You don't have to be a jerk about it.

Lucifer: Luckily for you, this is something I approve of.

Lucifer: I already purchased the items on the list he gave you. They should be delivered tomorrow.

Mammon: You're the best big brother I could ask for, ya know that?

Lucifer: You mentioned that already.

Mammon: Yeah, but this time I really mean it!

Chat: 👑 Treasure 👑

You: Barbatos just delivered the box of plants for the garden. The flowers are so pretty!

You: And I think there might be some herbs in the box too.

You: Want to help me if you're not busy?

Mammon: You bet I do. Meet me in the garden, babe.

When you first arrived in the garden, Mammon took the huge box of plants from you and set it aside so you could see the surprise he spent that morning working on. He pointed out the bags of soil Satan said you would need and the types of tools that would be easiest for you to use.

You looked around in awe, but the longer you stood there without uttering a sound, the more self-conscious he felt. He was still wearing the flower-print gardening gloves Lucifer ordered for him (haha, very funny). His bare arms and clothes were grimy from kneeling in the dirt; he was weeding one of the flowerbeds before you arrived.

He pulled off one of the gloves and ran his hand through his sweaty hair. He shook his head quickly and a handful of leaves and twigs fell to the ground around him. He felt the way he probably looked—like a total mess.

Did he screw this up for you already?

"I know you said this was something you wanted to do, ya know, your dream or whatever. I just thought that—mmph—!" Whatever Mammon wanted to say was cut off when your practically threw yourself at him and drew him into a clumsy kiss. Laughter bubbled out of you and there were tears dotting your lashline, but your cheeks dimpled and you looked so fuckin' happy.

"Thank you so much," you murmured against his chest and hugged him as tightly as you could.

"Anytime, babe. I love ya," he whispered. He peppered kisses against your brow until you giggled in his arms.

Three days later...

Mammon was supposed to meet you in your room to watch a movie, but he said he had something to do in the garden first. Admittedly, you were curious if there was even anything left to do. With Mammon's help, most of the weeds and dead plants were cleared away and the new ones were freshly planted in their place.

He was as proud of your garden as you were.

This morning he went outside to check on things, but he seemed annoyed when he returned. You asked him if something was wrong but he shrugged it off as nothing for ya to worry about, babe.

He was taking longer than the quick sec he promised, so you headed to the back of the house to see what he was up to. You could hear his muffled voice through the glass doors leading into the gardens, but you couldn't see anyone else outside with him.

You opened the door slightly and were about to get his attention, but you stifled a laugh when you realized he was talking to the crows. They were perched on the fence and watching him with unblinking black eyes, tilting their heads every so often as he spoke to them.

"—and I don't care how amazing everything here looks, you're not allowed to eat 'em. You want something to eat? Barbatos has lots of plants over at the castle, go eat his instead—"

You held up your D.D.D. and snapped a picture of Mammon waving animatedly while he lectured the crows. After you set the picture as your new phone wallpaper, you backed away as quietly as you could and headed back to your room. You sent him a message to bring popcorn to your room when he was finished, and you stared at Mammon's photo with a bashful grin on your face.

[witheringwidgetwrites]

HEYA, I'm such a fan of your writing, and I'm not sure if you're still taking requests, but if it's not too much to ask, I'd like to request a Leviathan x mc smut shot. I've had this thought in my head about one of your previous posts about pervy!Levi having a folder on his pc of up-skirt pics of mc and I was wondering how would he react to coming home from an event to finding that mc had found his folder and taken some pics herself with some nudes and added them to the folder with a note saying to meet her in her room. I understand if you are unable to fulfill this request 🫶. Much love ❤️.

!!!! thank you so much lovely!!! I hope this is okay!!! This is fairly longer than usual, so lmk if you liked it!!!

CW pervy!levi + afab!MC + 1 dick levi bc he's in human form + levi attempts some dirty talk

The last weekend had been stressful to say the least. Being the Grand Admiral of Hell's Navy unfortunately had actual work involved. Leviathan was thankful the weekend of work was finally over, and he could just come home, and honestly, just jerk it to his very-normal panty shots of MC.

The last thing he had expected was to find new photos, some of MC's chest, a few of their ass, very lewd photos, and a short message that got their point across.

meet me in my room

He moved quickly on shaky legs, knocking on your door before he could register what he was doing.

You opened it quickly, smiling at him.

"Come in, Levi."

He dared not to utter a word, stepping inside and allowing you to close the door behind him. He walks towards the side of your bed, standing and fiddling with his thumbs.

"I didn't know you had such," you stepped towards him, shoving him gently so he sat on the bed, "perverted fantasies, you're so dirty."

"I'm SO sorry, MC! I don't even know what I was thinking, I know you'd never be interested in m-" he averted his gazed, you cut him off by straddling him.

"Levi, of course I'd be interested in you. I just wish you'd have came to me instead. We could have worked something out. But I know a way you can make it up to me. ." You trail you finger up his chest, his shirt pulling up with your finger.

"Are you okay with this, Levi?" You smile at him, and he nods fervently, finally looking you in the eye. You feel him getting hard underneath you, the fabric of his pants straining against him. You help him take his top off, feeling the thin spandex against your fingertips as you slide it over his head. You sit on him fully, letting your weight put pressure on his already partially hard erection. You grind against him, hearing him groan while he fiddles with the hem of your shirt. You help him lift it over the top of your head, and you pause for a moment, smiling at him as he stares blatantly.

"C-Can, can I touch?" He continues to stare at your chest in wonder, raising one of his hands a few inches. You nod, and he lays his hand against your skin gently. He gives a gentle experimental squeeze, before pinching gently at your nipple. He continues when you whimper, bringing his mouth to your other breast. You bring one hand between you to palm his erection, the other tugging softly on his hair. He moans at the sensation, the vibrations ticking at your pebbled flesh. You feel the heat between your legs at his movements, and you decide it's time to move on.

"Levi, I want you to kiss me." He's happy to oblige, quickly bringing his wet lips up to yours in a sloppy kiss. You tangle your hands in his hair, tugging gently every once in a while, still rubbing against his strained cock. He groans against your lips, bucking his hips against yours. He whines softly when you break away from him.

You push yourself off of him, and bend over to unbutton the top of his pants. "I want you inside me, please," he leans back, lifting his hips up to help you take them off. He's still restrained by the fabric of his boxers, it's a beautiful sight, his pale skin is flushed and his hard cock is barely contained by his boxers, precum leaking, staining the fabric.

"Y-yeah, okay," He sits back up, hands shaking as he starts to help you undo your bottoms, you giggle at him, kicking them and your panties off to the side. The way he looks at you with those puppy eyes makes your core ache and your skin feel hot.

You tug at the waistband of his boxers, bending down to give him a few small kissing down his happy trail. His cock twitches as you do so, whimpes escaping his pouty, swollen lips.

You reach your hand out to him, and he takes it, almost stumbling, you pull him to his feet and you bend over onto the bed, the soft comforter taking some of the pressure off your forearms. You feel him climb into the bed behind you after flinging his underwear somewhere for later. He traces the head of his cock against your slit.

"Are you sure you w-want this? Once we start, I don't know if I can s-stop," he stutters out, still tracing the tip up and down your slit.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted you, Levi." You smile into the covers, face flushed.

He traces your slit, coating himself in your wetness. He pushes himself past the ring of muscle inside you, groaning loudly as he does so. He continues pushing in, little by little until he's all the way inside. He pulls back out slowly, watching how your juices coat him.

"You can move, you won't hurt me."

He bucks his hips, "you're, fuck, he groans, "y-you're really tight," he pushes his hair back, starting to rut his hips inside you. You feel his shaft dragging along your insides as he thrusts, filling you up.

He starts to thrusts faster, closing his eyes and grunting every few movements. You can feel the heat building up in your core, his cock twitching inside you. His balls slap against your skin as he bucks his hips harder, starting to gain confidence with his actions.

It doesn't take long for your thighs to start to quiver, his pace becoming relentless as he starts chasing his high. Your cum leaks on his cock, dribbling down his balls. "Sh-shit MC, you're soaked, d-do I really make you this wet?" You can hear the insecurity quiver in his voice, and you oblige him.

"Just for you, Levi," A small giggle escapes you, muffled by the pillows you just shoved you face in. It seems to spark some kind of newfound confidence in him, and he moves to angle his hips upward, hitting that perfect spongey spot inside you that makes you see stars.

"You feel so," he grunts, "good, so tight, such a perfect pussy for m-me."

You turn your head to speak, "please, levi, fuck, 'm getting close," You gush around him, the hot knot in your stomach getting ready to burst,

"Me too, gonna fill you up," soft moans and whimpers leave his lips as he throws his head back, rutting his hips at an upward angle into you.

"Please, Levi!" You cry out, the knot in your stomach finally bursting as he slams inside you. The feeling of your tight walls contracting around him brings him to his end and he shoots his hot load into you.

"Fuck, MC, shit!" He cries out as he meets his end, slamming into you one last time, like he might not get this experience again.

He slowly pulls himself out, he whimpers when the cold air hits him, and you whine at the empty feeling.

"Was that okay? Was I too rough?"

[miss-tc-nova]

S/O Goes Under - Octavinelle

You know, I liked this one. I know I could've made it more sinister, but apparently rip currents are more common and more deadly than most sea creatures...so I'm not going back into the ocean again.

But I hope you enjoyed this! Hope Floyd's not too ooc. He kinda got away from me. Slippery bastard.

Premise: The boys have to rescue their S/O that goes under

Words:

Azul - 363

Jade - 360

Floyd - 331

~~~~~

Azul

The housewarden relaxes in the shade, going over the Lounge’s numbers because, yes, that’s how he relaxes. Every now and then, however, he glances up, a smile playing on his lips as he spies his beloved frolicking in the water not far off.

Peering up from his book, he surveys his companions. The twins are happily building the most elaborate sand castle in all of Twisted Wonderland. Meanwhile, his darling has ventured a little further into the water, paddling about contentedly.

Without warning, the human goes under in a peculiar manner, causing Azul to sit straight. Immediately, his eyes dart back to the eels, both still in perfect view.

A jolt shocks his heart and Azul is on his feet, racing across the sand, ignoring the occasional stumble that threatens to break his ankles.

Hitting the water, Azul’s form shifts, drastically increasing in size as he races along the rush of water kidnapping the land dweller. Spotting his helpless human being dragged out to sea—drowning—tears at his gut, spurring the merman to swim faster.

Within reach, an arm flies forward, his hand snatching up his beloved as soon as he can. Immediately after, his direction changes, thrusting the pair sideways. Knowing better than to fight against a rip current, Azul swims well out of the current’s grasp, scrambling for the surface.

Breaking thought, the young man lifts his hands, palms open where lies the tiny human. Before he can panic, his darling coughs up a mouthful of water, blinking and sitting up. Gorgeous eyes peer up at his monstrous-sized form in awe, but Azul—self-conscious like no other—simply sighs.

“Do they not teach you about rip currents in land schools? Yes well, admittedly, this form is far more suited to water rescue, so thank you for forcing me to use it. Excuse me?! S-Stop being ridiculous! If you continue this nonsense, I’ll place you back in the rip current.” *Sigh* “Fine. I suppose I can indulge you just a little while, but we’ll have to stay in the water. I’m even less agile on land in the form if you can believe that. Hm? I’m just glad your safe, sweetheart.”

Jade

Jade has his fun in the water, now choosing to admire the scant beach foliage and fauna he comes across in his stroll. However, his gaze repeatedly and frequently wanders back to the water, where his dear happily splashes about.

Chuckling at the scuttling crab far too small for any worthwhile meal, he surveys the sands once again. Azul hasn’t left his lounge this entire trip, grumbling about the sun and avidly avoiding the water. Meanwhile, Floyd pestered Jade and his partner until they dug a trench in which to bury him and he couldn’t be any happier. Yet nothing pleases Jade more than seeing his love enjoying this time of relaxation and fun in the water.

 Just as he’s about to continue his walk, he hears a large splash and his gaze jerks to the water, entirely undisturbed and no human in sight.

Knowing that Azul is still lounging in his chair and Floyd is still buried to his neck in sand, Jade takes off. Before he can even hit the water, his mer form is in full effects. In the distance, he can just see the flailing figures being whisked to deeper waters.

Faster than he ever has, Jade bolts the current towards the struggling human. Even with his love in his arms, Jade’s speed never falters, only changes direction to escape the current. He breaks the current but receives no immediate response and continues the race back towards the shore.

However, about half way back, a cough rips his attention back. Turning onto his back, Jade floats in a way to keep his partner above the water. Shaking the water from the face, the human peers up at him.

“It seems you’ve gotten yourself into some trouble. But don’t worry, you’re safe now. I must teach you how to avoid rip currents in the future. Hm-hm. You like it? Oh yes, I can swim considerably faster in this form. Shall we return to the shore? Are you sure? I see. Then would you like to float with me? Certainly, feel free to hold onto me if you’d like. Of course, I’ll always have my eye on you.”

Floyd

Floyd’s hands scrape through the sand, heaping mounds and mounds out ground and letting it pile up high around him. He’s spent plenty of time on beaches in the water, but not nearly the same amount of time in the sand. This whole sand castle thing his babe told him about sounded fascinating and he’s attempting to build the best one ever seen. The couple began this journey together, but recently his other half abandoned him for the waves, which he didn’t mind.

Happy with his mote, Floyd takes a glance around. Jade was off on some nature walk, being boring, while Azul was reading in his chair, also being boring. That partner of his, though, appeared to be having fun, splashing around.

Suddenly, his babe goes under with a yelp. At first, Floyd cackles, knowing exactly what happened. But the longer it takes the land dweller to resurface, the more his laughter fades. Ultimately, he starts cursing as he runs for the water, diving right into the current.

His mer form takes over as he speeds through the water, easily spotting his drowning other being carried away—no longer struggling. Snatching up the human and slithering out of the current, Floyd rushes back towards the shore. He reaches the shallows and hoists the victim up on the sands.

The harsh heave is enough to coax the water to come back up. Yet as those eyes blink, Floyd glares back down with a pout.

“Are you stupid? You can’t swim against a rip current. No, you’re supposed to swim sideways out of it. Geeze. You’re lucky I’m a good swimmer. You’d be toast if it weren’t for me. Huh? No, you made me change forms, so now you’re gonna sit here with me in the shallows. You arguin’ with me? Don’t make me put the squeeze on you. My grip’s a lot stronger like this. That’s right. Like this! Ahaha! You know I wouldn’t let nothin’ happen to you. You’re mine.”

~~~~~

Nova’s Twisted Wonderland Masterlist

[kind-of-crazy-butthatsokay]

I'm here

Summary: Natasha holds you as you fall apart.

Pairing: Natasha Romanov x Reader

(No use of descriptive words for Reader's appearance. If you do stumble across one, please let me know and I'll immediately find a more inclusive alternative)

Warnings: 18+, mental breakdown, work stress, feeling overwhelmed by everything, tears, lots of tears, hurt/comfort, fluff, hugs and kisses, Natasha being a perfect human being and pure soul

Word count: 1.1k

Author's note: Comforting fluff and angst for everyone who just needs a damn break from life. I wrote this for @romanoffsbish because I wanted to give you something nice 🖤 I hope you like it ☺️😳

...

Your hands blindly reach out for your caffeinated drink of choice, downing the last dregs before pushing the empty container to the side with a grumble.

You blow out an agitated sigh, eyes narrowing at the papers scattered across your desk. The black letters are barely readable in the dim light ofyour laptop screen.

Your eyes are burning, lids heavy as you fight to keep them open. You can't stop now. There's still too much to do, too many things to take care of. They just keep piling up, as soon as one thing is crossed off the list three new ones are added and you are drowning in the attempt to stay on top of the ever growing work load.

The sky outside your window is dim, the last rays of light vanishing on the horizon as the bright artificial lights of civilization take over the evening sky.

“Fuck,” you curse under your breath. Your teeth dig into your lower lip as you look at the mess of unfinished work spread out in front of you. Tears rise in your eyes and you tear your gaze away from the papers to stare at the ceiling.

Heavy breaths rattle in your chest as your throat starts closing up, the overwhelming pressure of life swamping you.

Your fingers desperately twist the fabric of your shirt and you can't keep the tears from falling. They roll hotly down your face, collecting at your trembling chin before sliding down your throat and wetting the collor of your shirt.

“Fuck,” you curse breathlessly, your voice shaky and unsteady. “I can't do this anymore. I just can't.”

Giving in to the tears you slump forward, elbows resting on the desk as you bury your face in your clammy hands. There's no holding back the mental breakdown bearing down on you with crushing might.

“God, I can't,” you sob, shoulders shaking with grief and overwhelm.

Broken sobs shake your body, tears dripping down your face, snot clogging up your nose and mixing with the tears.

You are so caught up in losing your mind, you don't hear the scraping sound of the front door or the whisper of quiet footsteps drawing closer.

“Sweetheart?”

You jerk up, startled by the sudden sound of a voice. Your heart starts pounding in your chest and you do your best to wipe your teary, snotty face with your shirt before glancing over your shoulder.

Natasha stands in the doorframe, her soft, red hair pulled up into a messy bun. She eyes you with concern, a sad slant to her full lips as she studies the part of your face that she can see from her position.

“Hi,” you choke out nasally, still trying to compose yourself. Natasha isn't supposed to see you like this. Weak, messy, desperate.

“What's going on, sweetheart?” she calls out softly and approaches until she stands next to you. One of her warm hands comes to rest on your shoulder, but you turn your head away, not wanting to reveal your puffy, tear-stained face.

Natasha is having none of it. She pulls your chair away from the desk and reaches out to grasp you chin between her fingers, forcing you to face her.

“What has you so upset, hm? What can I do to make it better?”

“It's nothing,” you try to deflect, squirming in her grip. But she doesn't allow you to turn away.

“It's not nothing if it makes you cry. Tell me.”

“It's stupid. Just... too much work. I have so many things to do and I don't know where to start. No matter what I do, I can't stay on top of all of it and it just keeps getting more,” you start, reluctant at first, but as soon as the first few words are out, it's as if the floodgates have been opened.

“I barely have time to relax, all I can think about the tasks still waiting for me, the neverending list of things that need to be done and I just can't- I'm tired, I'm so tired. I can barely get out of bed in the morning but I still can't sleep when I go to bed at night. There's just too much, too much to do, too many thoughts in my head, too much- I can't I don' wanna-”

The breakdown is in full swing now and the tears resurface as you crumple under Natasha's gaze.

The red-head moves quickly, pushing her hands under your arms to keep you from folding in on yourself completely. She hoists you to your feet before taking your place on the chair and pulling you into her lap.

“Shhh, it's okay. I got you,” she whispers, one hand stroking up and down your shaking back while the other holds the back of your head, tucking you comfortably into the crook of her neck.

You mindlessly burrow into her embrace, arms winding around her body to have something to hold onto while you fall apart.

Natasha holds you through all of it, the tears, the choked sobs and violent trembling shaking your exhausted body. She coos calming words at you, kissing the top of your head and humming to you to bring you down to earth.

Eventually, your sobs quieten down, tears slowing and allowing you to see more clearly.

“You're okay, I'm here,” Natasha mumbles, giving your body a little squeeze.

You stay silent, head tucked away in the crook of her neck as your breathing slowly calms down and grows more even, matching Natasha's steady breaths.

“I- I just want a nice, easy life. Is that too much to ask,” you croak out tearily, voice muffled against Natasha's skin.

The red-head hums, her hands slowly caressing your back.

“Not at all,” she says after a moment of silence.

You scoff, though there's no bite behind it. You're too wrung out to feel upset.

“Then why is everything so difficult? Why is everything more than I can handle,” you ask, not expecting an answer. Natasha gives one anyway, but not one you expect.

“We'll figure it out, love. Make plans for you, charts and lists to keep track of things. Keep everything managable,” she says and kisses the side of your head. “I'm here for you.”

The sincerity in the red-head's voice makes you tear up again. You cling to her and rub your face on your shoulder, brushing away the tears that threaten to fall.

“Thank you,” you mumble and turn your head enough to kiss her neck.

“You're welcome, sweetheart,” Natasha replies softly, slowly rocking the two of you in your desk chair. “Now rest. I have you.”

Closing your tired eyes, you do as Natasha tells you, drifting off into a deep slumber in the loving embrace of your girlfriend.

...

:'D

I need Natasha so bad, pleeaaase *whines*

[confoundedluna]

got that until dawn ps3 version quote list for y'all Finally

it is Just as stupid and ridiculous as the final version and it deserves appreciation too - this post might be longer than the other actually since this version has more chapters, we shall see, and the characters seem to talk to themselves a lot, plus I want to call out More of the dialogue since it's lesser known overall compared to the final game

again, please note these aren't in any particular order, I think they're Mostly chronological per character, I just type them as they come up in the videos and the videos are a bit odd in the way the chapters play out (one video is like. chapters 1, 4 and 5, another is 1, 6 and 7, it's just too awkward to be flipping between videos to watch everything in full order), since a lot are incomplete or need multiple builds to showcase everything they can, but I put together a playlist that was Mostly the order the chapters should be in, including different versions of each chapter in case anything changed across the different builds that I might want to take note of

also please note that some of these i typed based off how the subtitles are written and some off of how the lines are delivered - some of them switch the word order or use like a shortened version of a word or whatever, some lines have dialogue that isn't properly subtitled or has an automated voice reading them rather than an actual actor's delivery, I'm sorry if it's inconsistent but that's just how it's gonna be, i might not notice which version of the quote I used but it's basically the same thing so deal with it lmao

and like last time, let me know if i missed or skipped anything you think should be on this list! I tried to be a bit conservative with how many lines I used and go for just the funniest stand out ones or the ones that carried over, either fully or partially, to the finished game

okay enough disclaimers and apologies and shit, on to the quotes!

CHRIS

(SAM: I thought you were dead!) Well that's a fine thing to say to someone.

Wow. Safety. My mind is blown.

A-ha! And here we have the mysterious graphite spray.

It is believed that seances derive their mystical power by channeling the kinetic energy created by nude bodies... gathered as offerings to the occult, particularly those of young, teenage women. Ghosts are typically not concerned with the nude bodies of pasty young men, so if there are any ladies present, would you please remove your shirts and pants-

I'm beginning to think our friendly ghost is dyslexic.

This isn't a video game, Ash! Not everything's a clue!

There's a place in France where the ladies don't wear pants... (ASHLEY: Oh my god, how old are you?)

(ASHLEY: Look at this! Isaiah 11:6!) Is that a baseball thing? Like the signs at games? (ASHLEY: Uh, no, Chris, it's a Bible thing. You know, like a verse?) Oh, that's what those are. We should read it, right? The baseball Bible thing?

(ASHLEY: Look at this lectern, there's all sorts of animals on it.) It's like Noah's ark. Or that channel with all the animals on it.

(ASHLEY: Yep, it's all here. Fire and brimstone.) Blah blah blah, obey all my commands, blah blah blah, kill all your sons and daughters! (ASHLEY: What Bible did you read?) The cool one, duh!

Hey, I got it! See how this rotates? We could line up the animals like it says in the verse! (ASHLEY: Maybe all those hours in Sunday school paid off.) Absolutely. Not.

This just got totally Indiana Jones on us...

I know the human body has a surprising amount of blood in it, but damn.

Someone's been hunting. Guess they don't need a freezer out here.

Alright, handles all around I guess...

Holy shitballs.

I gotta say, this is not the most sensible thing I've ever done in my life.

Maybe we can find the book that the page belongs to. And find the jerk who ripped it out.

(ASHLEY: What is this, chemistry class?) I don't know about you, Ash, but I always like to leave my dangerous chemicals in a food preparation area.

Phew! See, look at that, nothing out there but the wind. (STRANGER: Sometimes the wind is not to be trusted.) Yeah well you would say that wouldn't you...

Do we just seem like slabs of meat to them? Like in old cartoons when one guy would be starving and the other guy would suddenly turn into a T-Bone steak? (STRANGER: Your thoughts wander uncomfortably far for someone walking through the dark in the W's territory…) Well that's precisely why I'd rather think about cartoons...

Brrr it's so cold out here... I guess it's better being cold than dead... though if I get any colder I might wish I was dead...

No more psychos and saw blades and crazy TV rooms and weird skinny monsters and no more snow and no more screaming hunter dudes.

(ASHLEY: How are you holding up, Chris...?) Miraculously. I mean, I'll probably collapse the second I start to think about anything that's been going on. (SAM: Then don't think about it.)

Ash... Even if Jess was down there I don't think it would be a good idea for us to climb into a mysterious hole in the wall...

We just want to get through this. Together, Ash...

ASHLEY

(SAM: Do you think Em is gonna say something about all this?) Knowing Em... she's gonna say plenty...

I tried to join chess club but I wasn't cool enough.

Cannibalism?! Who would buy a book like that? Who would even write a book on cannibalism? (CHRIS: A cannibal...?)

I don't care what it is- why does he keep doing this to us?!

This is our fault... we can't save him, it's our fault!

Not cool. Not cool.

Where does an elevator even go down here?

Bats... I mean, how in the heck are bats down here?

'A week in the mountains' he said, 'we'll get drunk, it'll be fun'...

Ohhh, I hate creepy noises!

They're crazy if they think they're going to find Josh and the stupid key... (SAM: Emily seemed to think she had a pretty good idea of where to look...) Yeah but she's Emily, Sam! When does she ever do anything that isn't some sort of weird selfish game- (SAM: Em seemed pretty shaken up, Ash, she's just trying to help-) She's trying to get us killed. We're all going to die up here. All of us.

(SAM: Just keep going, Ash, just keep going. It's right ahead of us.) It so does not feel like it's right ahead of us.

You've seen Mike with a gun, he seems pretty confident...

Well Sam, there doesn't gotta be another way- I mean we can hope there's another way...

(SAM: Pull it open!) I'm trying! What are you doing?! Don't hurt yourself not helping!

SAM

Ah-yep... limbs are still working.

Bim bam boom! There, fixed it for you.

That was hellacious.

She's usually pretty cool. Seems more like she's nursing a massive crush. (CHRIS: You mean Mike?) Ummm... yeah? Come on, she's sitting out there like a little lost puppy waiting for him.

Is she really being that big of a bitch to him?

(CHRIS: Wicked Witch of the West.) Right? I wish someone would drop a house on her. (CHRIS: That was the Wicked Witch of the East.) Did you seriously just correct me on that?

I can't believe Emily is hooking up with Matt. Didn't really expect her to go full meathead after breaking up with Michael.

Hey, did you get the sense that Jess and Mike are gonna have a uh... 'political summit' on this trip...?

Josh... having a little trouble getting the key into the hole?

(JOSH: I know Sam... I'm sorry... my fingers feel like they're gonna break off...) Do you want me to warm your fingers up so you can get the lock open?

Hello...? Hey guys, is that you? What are you guys doing? Being creepy...?

Hey?! I'm getting a little creeped out here fellas...

Someone help me, I'm stuck in here with a maniac!

I guess Josh needs kind of like a 'time-out' after what he did to us, but...

Okay. That does it. Door is locked. Nothing in or out.

Are you crazy? Or just stupid? You go out there and you're dead. In here we can at least wait- (MIKE: Until what? Come on, Sam.) Until dawn.

(EMILY: How did you find us?) You were making a total ruckus. Emily, I'm not sure you got the memo about the stealth mission.

Perfect. A giant hole.

(EMILY: Be careful...) As opposed to...?

(EMILY: You having a good time up there, Sam?) It's a god damn party.

Don't scream- don't scream- don't scream- (EMILY: I can't help it, I can't-)

Empty. Could have been one of us in there...

Okay Mister Elevator, let's see what we're working with here...

Wow. Now that's more like it. This is baaaaaadass.

Come on already, where is that fricking code?

Come on girl. You'd look good with that in your hands. Don't be shy.

Hey... bout time I found the Big Boy firepower.

I am so done with this place.

Get me outta here. Gotta find the cable car.

Get me out of here. Just get me to the first floor.

I just want to be on the ground, not up here.

Stairs? Ladder? Elevator? Escalator? Just need to get down to the ground floor.

I need out. Find my way to the cable car.

Gotta find the ground floor.

You guys look starved. Let me just fire up the grill.

MIKE

All ye who enter must pay the toll! Take off your pants!

(CHRIS: Maybe I can get a signal long enough to download a manual for one of these things.) ...Nerd alert, amirite?

(CHRIS: Nature calls.) Did you give her my number?

You throw like a- (JESS: Don't say it!) Was just gonna say you throw like a- (JESS: Don't!) ...throw like a beautiful, enchanting woman!

Awww! That's one to show the grandkids, right? (JESS: Don't get ahead of yourself, mister.) I wouldn't dream of it.

You wanna hear a joke? (JESS: Sure! I love to laugh.) Okay. So, how many librarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? (JESS: Dunno, how m-) Shhh!!! (JESS: Really? Ugh.)

(JESS: Goddamn batteries! Shake it, that usually helps! Awesome!) Shake-powered batteries? Who knew.

I wonder what's down there. Ah, I bet it's just a bunch of pickaxes and old cart tracks and miner bones and ghosts of miners, and miner curses and... Woah. Get a grip dude. Class President.

Look at that. (JESS: What're all those symbols?) I think they're ancient. (JESS: Ancient what?) Ancient symbols. (JESS: Such insight...)

I'm not super thrilled at the idea of bears hanging around and crashing our party.

Looks like the path is a little blocked up. (JESS: What do you mean?) Well, it's got all this... tree in the way.

Where'd you go? Jessica? You've got at least five good minutes left until I bring out the waterworks.

This looks like the work of a bear. I do not like the way bears work.

Jess, hon? I promise I totally won't murder you when I find you. Maybe just a little.

So cold out here, but I'm sweating! Is that normal?

(JESS: You're trying to just freak me out, aren't you?) What? Why? (JESS: To get in my pants.) Yes, I would like to scare the pants off you.

So... One time I jumped over a crazy deep ravine on my bike. All the kids from the neighbourhood came out. Some local news too. Everyone thought I wasn't going to make it. (JESS: But you did?) Nope. Totally died. Been dead six years now. (JESS: You're lying.) Am I, though? (JESS: ...yes? ... Right?) There's only one way to find out...!

We're all alone in here, babe. Just you and me... the Presidential suite. (JESS: Well, Mr President, the lights don't work. And I'm freezing!)

Someone really doesn't like things to stay in one piece around here. Why would someone tear this up?

My jaw's chiselled enough already, but still, it could be useful.

Well, I've found the killer bathtub. Jesus, what did I think would be in there?

Woah. Check out the crazy sex book they have up here.

What is this? Ms. Dunkle's tenth grade science project?

Well, we're here now, so we might as well make use of the amenities. (JESS: Like the bed?) Yeah, I'm thinking mostly the bed.

Alright, madame, is there anything else that you require, or shall I retire to my quarters? (JESS: You're not going anywhere.) Madame requires additional services? (JESS: I can think of a few.)

Huh. Turns out our monster is just a broken branch. Guess it must have seen us and gotten jealous.

(JESS: Finally I have your attention.) The Vice President is standing by. (JESS: Well, why don't you bring him into the Oval Office?) Let's sign this bill into law!

Gotta stay calm. Focused. Get out of this rotten pit.

Crap, what are you doing Mikey, what's wrong with you... this asshole killed Jess... he should pay for that... but nobody's gonna pay for anything unless you get out of here in one piece, buddy...

Stay cool, Mikey. Stay cool.

(groans) Unngh… Either I'm getting weaker or doors are getting heavier…

Come on Sir Mike. Don't be such a wimp. Think about Jessica.

He could be waiting for me… it would be wise for me to tread lightly in the lion's den.

Just stay on your guard Potus… Stay alert…

Let's go, Mikey, let's go.

Gravity's my co-pilot on this one.

Aww… god… smells like something died in here, came back to life, ate its own corpse and then threw it all up…

Well well well. Here we are again. Sometimes wandering around in circles ain't so bad.

This is the creepiest rehearsal space I've ever seen.

Alright, keep your head Mr. President. Calm under pressure…

Ah great, another scenic wing of 'le castle de dilapitacion'.

Alright… look at that. Now we're getting somewhere. Don't know where, but somewhere.

Births and deaths, 1905. Some light bedtime reading for when we get through this.

Man, I can't even skip lunch without becoming a hungry monster, how did these guys feel over 23 days. Wait, no, i don't want to think about it.

Hey! Proper old school photo. Ain't that many left that roll with this kind of geddup anymore.

Chris was killed right in front of us, Jack the monster hunter was torn to pieces and now we're just waiting around like sitting ducks? No. We have to get off the mountain. Now.

Boom! For the win.

(EMILY: Ugh. I hate this place.) Admittedly, they have let it go... (EMILY: Yeah, they haven't dusted in years down here...)

Ah, seems like patient number four was suffering from a bout of being too extraordinary.

I'll tell you what. If the patients weren't completely nuts when they checked in, this place would drive them crazy.

(EMILY: Alright, so how are we gonna get out of here?) Scream and cry like girls?

Pe-culiar? That's actually like a for real medical term? Must have been Charlie Cheswick's records.

I wonder how far your gums have to recede before they start measuring them. If I'm reading this right, this guy must have looked like a dollar store Halloween mask. Wouldn't want to meet these chompers in a dark alley. Or terrifying sanitorium.

If wishes were horses beggars would be cowboys. (CHRIS: Woah. You did not just say that.) That guy Jack had some pretty catchy phrases don't you think?

EMILY

(CHRIS: We just saw Jessica, down by the cable car.) Ugh. Any more perfume on that B and you'd think she was a bachelorette party.

My lips are already so chapped. (MATT: I can kiss them and make them better.) In your dreams Loverboy.

Oh my god, are you gonna swallow his face whole? We're all here! How much more of your crap can we take?

Listen you little slut, maybe because I am not on crack I can see what you're doing.

I don't have to spy when clearly you're showing off with your tongue halfway down his throat.

(JESS: You heard what I said.) Why don't you say it again to my face you bitch?

You do whatever you want. If there's a crazy murderer running around then I'm going to get the hell out of here. (MATT: Maybe he's right, Em-) Do you want me to go out there all alone, Matt? Because I will.

We'll take the cable car to go get help, dummy. Come on.

This is totally crazy Matt. This is totally crazy. My head is spinning.

Ugh. It's freezing out here. I did not pack for this.

I wish Chris and Ashley were more helpful. (MATT: Em, you hardly gave them a chance-) You know, I'm just trying to help the situation.

I just can't believe it's happened again! I mean like, is this family cursed? (MATT: Yeah the whole mountain feels cursed.)

Okay, you done good Matt. Took you a while, but you done good.

Look, if you're not gonna call for help, then maybe you should at least get some tunes going for us to listen to while we sit here and freeze to death can you please just get the radio working Matt oh my god oh my god!

Oh my God, stop talking like you're in a movie. Are you pushing the right button? Is there even a signal?

Wow. These clothes are all torn up. And I don't think it's because they were ripped off the sale rack in a shopping spree…

Ugh. Why do these machines always have to be so complicated?!

Ahhh! Jesus… them's the brakes.

Oh come on batteries… stick with me just a little longer…

Ugh… are those… bite marks on the bones? As in like… eating marks?

This is hell. That's all there is to it. Hell. I fell into hell and there are devils wandering around who will poke me with their forks.

Okay, keep quiet, Em. Put a lid on it. Don't want to attract attention...

Juuuust stay quiet... What would Princess Emilia do? I'll tell you what she'd do: she would stay quiet. Shhhh.

Wow. Good thing I checked my claustrophobia at the door. This is gonna be tight. I guess it's either through this little hole or turn around and face Mr Sunshine out there. Hmm. Excellent options!

I gotta try it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right Miss A-student beauty queen and all around hottie?

Bingo! Done. Voila. QED. Hee haw. Locked and loaded. That is how we roll. You go girl. Aaaaannnnd... Cut it. Print it. Saved. Vamos!

Top...! It's the top! Mine top... tip top top of the mine...! No more shaft just... this place! I'm out of the mine! ...Back to the lodge! Back to the fires and warmth and friends! Oh little lodge, I missed you so much... how do I get out of here?

(MIKE: You locking us in?) I'm locking the baddies out. Can't be too careful. (MIKE: Glad you're sure the baddies are out there and not in here.) Feels good to lock a door...

(MIKE: Wow. I guess I totalled the place huh?) Mikey had a tantrum? (MIKE: When I commit to something, I like to do a thorough job.) Hmmmm. Don't remember you making heaven and earth move for me... (MIKE: Hey. Don't say that...) I'm kidding... You did okay... (MIKE: ...that's better...) ...considering the tool you have to work with... (MIKE: Easy! Easy!)

This whole wing just feels like it was for the real head cases. Right? Like the lost causes. (MIKE: Yeah. It's got a really pleasant vibe in here. Let's keep moving.)

Ew. Ew! His gums were receding?! Didn't he floss?! Some people just do not understand the importance of dental hygiene.

One order of W pâté, comin' up!

Wow, Sam, you're really getting all Rambo on us.

(SAM: Look. The machinery. If we can get those metal containers in a row... we can get across.) You're kidding, right? On those rusty... rust buckets out there?

(SAM: You got it! It's working!) That's right, 'cause I'm the mecha-master! (SAM: Now if we get them lined up... We can just hop right across!) Already on it, Rambo. Or should I say... Sam-bo. (SAM: Ah... no... I don't think you should say that.)

An elevator...! Probably broken. Why is everything on this goddamned mountain falling apart!

(SAM: Looks like we've got find a way across.) Score one for Captain Obvious.

(SAM: We've got one shot to get out of here and we can't screw it up.) Right back at ya, lady.

JESSICA

(CHRIS: What's Mike doing?) He's getting all of our stuff to the lodge. Nails. Just had 'em done.

(SAM: We can help you with the stuff.) Oh that's so nice! But... I kinda like it when Mike does it.

Ugh, finally we're out of that stupid wind. I was freezing my buns off out there. (MIKE: I can help you with those if you like...!)

(MATT: Come on Em, relax.) No, it's not okay Matt. That bitch is on crack or something.

Whatever. I don't have time for jealous bitches.

Fine. Whatever. Anything to get away from that whore. (EMILY: Are you kidding me? I'm the whore?)

Ugh, you know, I can't believe Emily sometimes... why is she such a royal B? How could you have ever gone out with someone like that?

(MIKE: Exiled.) More like sex-iled.

Come on troops, move out.

I wonder if they have any room service up at the cabin. I could so use a triple grande mocha cappuccino right now.

You lit up my night... Now all we need are some fireworks later...

How bout some jams? (MIKE: Whatever puts you in the mood.) This one might be my favourite... Until their next one comes out, then that'll probably be my favourite. (MIKE: That's a really good way of thinking about it.) Thanks! ... ...what?

(MIKE: Josh seemed pretty happy to get rid of us back there, didn't he?) Michael! I had no idea you had such a gossipy side... Is this the politician in you? (MIKE: Politician nothing; the guy's a dick!) Hmm.

I keep having this great thought, but then I keep forgetting it.

Somebody's going to owe me a new outfit.

(MIKE: I didn't know Hannah wore glasses.) Yeah. Just when she wasn't around any cute boys.

I wonder if they deliver take out up here. I mean right here.

Ugh. My shoes are getting so moist.

I wonder what's going on back at the lodge. Everybody's probably doin' it.

Nature's kinda gross.

Is that Orion's belt or is he just happy to see me?

Hah! I'm totally going to tell everyone about your fear of birdies.

Stand back, Debbie downer.

Don't worry, I'll save Woodsgate for the next election.

(MIKE: Some of these planks are pretty rickety.) You know what else is rickety? (MIKE: What?) Your face is rickety. (MIKE: That's a really good one!) Thank you!

(MIKE: Watch your step, Jess.) You know what? You're worse than my mom. My mom!

Boom! Sting like a butterfly and float like a bee.

Wow, look at that old photo. (MIKE: Must be an old mining team.) Looks like they really knew how to... handle themselves. (MIKE: Sounds like you wish you could handle them.) Looks really old. I wonder if they're all dead now. Ugh! So creepy!

(MIKE: Probably faulty wiring or something.) You've got faulty wiring.

Unless you want to make out with an ice sculpture, I suggest you get a fire going. Pronto.

It's so cold in here right now my tongue would get stuck to your flagpole.

I'm cold, I'm bored, and I'm getting rapidly less horny. You want to hurry it up with the fire?

(MIKE: It's so dusty.) No maid service up here? What a rip.

Coldness generally isn't conducive to hotness, Michael... Woah. That sounded, like, deep.

While you were trying to find the right button to push, I found some de-light-ful candles that wonderfully spice up the place and light up all the nooks and crannies... Far more cosy and accommodating, don't you think?

I can't lose my phone, my parents are gonna kill me! (MIKE: You can always get a new one!) That's like my fourth one this year.

Just unfasten it! (MIKE: I can get it! I can get it!) Don't send a man to do a woman's job.

Oh. Those perverted assholes. Why can't they just leave us alone and let us have a perfectly nice time? God! What jerks! (MIKE: Hey, they're just trying to have a good time.) Yeah? Well, so are we!

You guys are such dicks! Are you really that upset with me and Michael that you want to ruin our fun? Huh? Well, guess what? You can't ruin it! Because Michael and I are gonna screw! That's right! We're gonna have sex! And it's gonna be hot! So enjoy it! 'Cause I know we're going to! Ugh.

MATT

Ohhhh! She just got Emily'd!

Wow. Someone had a good time in here.

Why would someone leave a picture of keys where the keys should be?

This place can't just be a huge death trap, right? Cable car can't be the only way in and out of this joint.

Josh had a lot of problems... I think he just wanted to be able to sort things out... and put this all behind us...

So the joke I learned, it's really good, it's about like, a dude, who's got a haircut like the moon, and-

Coyote? Bear? ... Why is that okay?

C'mon, Matt... You don't wanna die down here.

The hell is that… Jessica? (JESS: Matt? Jesus… So it got you too.) Yeah… You okay? (JESS: Hardly...) Let's get the hell out of this place. Look! There! (JESS: Light!) That's the cable car station!

Come on, man... nearly there... nearly there...

JOSH/THE PSYCHO

Come on, lock... My lockpick skills are a little rusty...

This is the most boring break-in ever. You haven't even broken in yet.

Hey! Grit bin! Nice work moving that over here!

Everything all right in there? (CHRIS: Yeah, I'm fine. It's really dirty. And a little freaky.) Sounds like my kind of date! (CHRIS: Offf course it does.)

Dude, come on! Let's open this jawn!

Ahh-hahaha! Dude are you okay? That lil' wolverine almost gave you a paper cut!

(SAM: Hey, those things are known to be vicious sometimes.) Vicious to lil' babies. Lil' Chrissy babies.

(SAM: Thank you Chris.) Thaaaank you Chriiiiis.

Yo! Explorers! You guys are gonna need the keys for the love shack!

As you can see, your friend Josh is now in quite an unfortunate situation. If you wish to see him dead, then do nothing and you may watch him die.

Second... clue... picture if you will... high atop a powdery mountain... the only place possible for a jacked up jock like Matthew to score a... 'big break'...

If you'll please now direct your attention towards the main attraction...

Not much time left before your friend is... perforated...

Congratulations! You've just bought yourself... more time... to watch your friend die...

My my my, didn't you do well! You fought the system and you've won. And what you've won is a prize! You're a lucky winner, come on down!

Well, that's the end, folks. I only wish it could have turned out differently, but, unfortunately, I'm still going to kill your friend because, hey - winners don't play by the rules!

Allow me to introduce myself, I am your host!

Oh, I had fun with them... and now I'll have fun with you... There's nothing wrong with having a little fun, is there?

Samantha, my darling, I don't think your friends are going to help you... I've already had a little fun with them...

Oh what a delight it was watching his life drain away. I wonder if watching yours will be just as fun.

(SAM: What do you want?) I just want a little fun, Sam... so why don't we... mix things up a little... You can have ten seconds to pretend like you're escaping... and then you're dead!

Go on, hide if you like... I know just where you are.

(CHRIS: What do you want from us?!) Well now, Mr Chris... I think you've got the answer right there in front of you.

Oh borrring... You think I didn't bulletproof my machinery?

(CHRIS: You're sick!) Heh heh heh... why thank you, kind sir... but the choice... is yours... play ball!

I'm sorry... so sorry... it's all my fault...

THE STRANGER

It would be wise for you to hear me out.

You seem to listen but not to hear.

You have no chance out there on your own- (CHRIS: I'll just have to take my chances.) Then I'll go with you. Alone would be suicide. (CHRIS: Yeah well you're so special.) I am... experienced.

You do not seem too concerned with saving the life of your friend.

(CHRIS: Have you done this before?) Have I foolishly attempted to free a dead man in the hopes of becoming one myself? (CHRIS: Uh...) You ask questions that are not very useful. (CHRIS: My teachers say the same thing. But yeah, so, have you?) This is not my first barbecue.

He who seeks avoidance finds out what he seeks to avoid. (CHRIS: That's... a really confusing saying.)

[starsurfacemortalkombat]

Hiiii!!! 1. i love your blog so much, im a really big MK fan and i literally didn’t know MK agere was a thing

2. can i request cg Kitana with a puppy regressor headcannons please?

3. i think ur headcannons are iconic and super accurate

-jack

Hii!!!

I'm so glad you enjoy it!! :D Whenever I enter a fandom, I like searching for any kind of Agere, and I decided I wanted to try and start one. :p

2. And of course you can!! <3 (really hoped you meant MK1 Kitana because that's what I did)

3. Really? 🥺 That means so much, I always get worried that they're out of character (or I'm projecting too much)

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

CG Kitana w/ Puppy Regressor Hcs

💙 She loves puppy regressors!!

💙 She’d give you so many chin or head scratches!!!!

💙 ^ Not even when you do something good, she just likes giving you the attention

💙 If you like outside time, she’s take you out to the royal gardens to run around and play, to a more a private section so you can have more fun

💙 Many outside activities!! Rolling a ball around, tug-a-war, races!!

💙 Kitana’s a pretty good runner, but she’ll slow down, or make sure you always win so you two can go back inside and have some yummy ice cream

💙 Also more mellow activities, like rolling around on the blanket or the grass, taking a small nap outside, or having Kitana read a book to you while you try to grab at any butterfly that comes across your eye 

💙 ^ You have so far been unsuccessful at grabbing any :(

💙 If you like inside time more, that’s okay!! There are many fun activities to do still!!

💙 Kinetic sand, play dough, slime, a lot of fun little things she likes to try out (no, you can’t eat them, and you will get scolded if you try)

💙 Even puppies can serve time out, unfortunately :\

💙 Not long timeouts (and you can coax her to come over and cuddle you during your sentence) but your not leaving that corner

💙 No biting >:(

💙 It’s an absolute no-no, you can hurt someone

💙 In fact, Kitana would absolutely love to buy you some (safe) chew toys!!

💙 Whether it’s baby chew toys, or a chewie, or a stuffie made for chewing

💙 She just likes spoiling you, anything you want is yours

💙 She’d get you a custom made collar or choker!!!

💙 Your favorite color, maybe a cute design, a bell or whatever nickname you want on it!!

💙 If you need any kind of padding, she buys you literally everything you’d ever need

💙 Cute designs, mattress protection, whatever helps you feel comfy to use them

💙 Many treats, they’ve very easy to get form her

💙 Or, until she realizes that perhaps she’s giving you too many sweets and then you’ve gotta rely on your best puppy eyes (which most times don’t work) :(

💙 But if you continue to whine and mope about it . . . She’ll let you have more candy 😮‍💨

💙 But you’re having some apple slices or beef jerk or something after!! (she just wants you to be healthy, but she would never shame you if you were to over indulge or anything!!)

💙 Would joke about puppies not being allowed to have chocolate, but it’s only light teasing, she’d still give you some

💙 Will try to teach you ‘tricks’, like holding a treat on your nose (she’ll attempt to do it too, epic fail unfortunately, she’ll get it eventually)

💙 She’d let you sniff her hand before she pet you, or encourage any kind of ‘dog’ like behavior (as long as it’s not harmful)

💙 She’d make (human safe) kibble for you, or get things like beef jerky or Scooby Snakcs

💙 If you don’t like the ideas or chokers, she’ll make you a beaded necklace!!! Puppy themed too!!

💙 Light or baby blues (or whatever color you like), little paws and some puppy faces, your favorite nickname or your name spelled on it!!

💙 I think she’d just like making bracelets and necklaces and stuff for her friends :3

💙 She'd let you try to make some too!! And will tie the knot at the end so you can wear and show off your pretty bracelet

💙 Would be over joyed it you made her something!! (even if there's absolutely no theme or color coordination, just a bunch of pretty colors smashed together that looked pretty)

💙 I firmly believe she knows how to crochet, she’d totally make you some type of stuffie!!!

💙 Gets a little nervous about you crawling on all fours for too long, she doesn’t want your knees to go bad or for you to scrape them, especially outside :(

💙 She won’t stop you, but she’ll offer to carry you places instead, and will check your legs for no red spots or scrapes

💙 Design band aids!! Only the best for her little pup after all <3

💙 Don’t try running off if she’s not looking, she has a sixth sense that makes it able to know just when your about to move and will snatch you up (because she’s mean)

💙 She’ll give you so much attention and praise, there isn’t a second you ever feel unloved (and she knows when your down, it’s her personal mission to try and make you feel better)

💙 Will call you Puppy, Pup, Sweet Thing, Princess/Prince/Puppy Royal

💙 ^ Buttercup too!! (it feels like a puppy nickname, and it’s really cute)

💙 She’d encourage you to bark, and will try to bark with you

💙 But she’ll also have full on conversations with your barking, or blabbering, and will gasp and awe when you do it

💙 Is also very good at delivering different whines and barks, like the ‘I’m hungry, you’re starving me 🥺’ (she's not, you're being dramatic) and the ‘Ouchie!! Hit my paw against the bed!! . . . Now I must attack it >:(‘

💙 Finds it entertaining when you tell her that such and such was being mean, whether it was the bed or your stuffie

💙 She’ll tell your stuffie off for you, don’t you worry, they learns their lesson <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Kitana's cool, I like her. <3 (and I get to use the pretty baby blue banner!! :D)

The Gif I found was also so cute!! (And Sonya's in there <3 <3 <3)

[mydisenchantedeulogy]

Candy Coated [Chapter Eight] The Calm Before the Storm [Buddha]

A/n: I apologize for taking so long to get this chapter out. The next one is going to start the beginning of Ragnarok. So please enjoy.

Also, the art above was drawn by the talented @rain-in-the-clouds. Thank you, hun. Stay tuned for this scene later.

Warning(s): anxiety, female reader (can be read as GN), teasing, realization.

Taglist:

@useless-potatho , @tojibreedingme , @quinloki , @yingxian, @2lottie2, @lunas-nova , @anduinandwrathionlover, @tiredfairy, @the-queen-of-sorrows , @alientee, @lawlietliet, @hanaibea, @69your-best-night-mare69

The time is nigh. 

Ragnarok draws near and you are not hardly ready to witness the bloodshed that will come with it. How is a human meant to take on a God? The thought plagues you well into the evening, so much so that you chose to remain in your room.

This marks the final day of your residence in Saṃsāra, the Realm of the Gods, and the gospel truth is you do not want to leave. It isn't fair. How can Yue-Lao tether you to a God and then take him away from you, as if he means nothing? He does and you–

An embarrassed heat spreads across your face as you realize just how much Buddha means to you.

"You have every right to be mad…but you aren't the only one. I'm sure Bu-chan was just as upset as you and she isn't even a human. Leave this to her and focus on us," he had told you.

It must have been then, through the irritation and the bafflement, in his arms, when you knew. Perhaps it had been sooner, but you were too fixated on the effects of the tether to notice. Or too oblivious.

But what did he mean? Why did Buddha tell you to focus on the two of you?  

You honestly don't know but with Ragnarok coming, the feelings are there, albeit too late you fear. Why does this happen? Why do humans realize too late how they feel about someone who has been nothing but kind to them? 

With a deep sigh, you set out an outfit on your coffee table. It will be the one you wear tomorrow to the arena. You consider wearing your human clothes, the ones you died in, but opt not to. It's silly, but you don't want to draw more attention to the fact you are a human tethered to Buddha.

But perhaps that's what I want the Gods to see. 

Your head is a labyrinth. Needing a moment to breathe, you leave the room and head outside. The sky is so clear today. It's ironic considering how bleak you feel. 

For the next hour, you wander around the abandoned village, doing the best you can to entertain your thoughts and relax. It seems to work, however, anxiety clings to you like a monster, whispering in your ear and reminding you that tomorrow is the tournament. 

You head toward the river in hopes to rest your legs but as you approach, you see Buddha sitting near the bank. An air of calmness washes over you as you stare at him, putting to rest your thoughts. Had you looked at the red cords around your ankles, you would have seen that he was nearby. Your face heats up and though you consider turning around, you opt not to.

"May I join you?"

Buddha peeks over his shoulder and grins; a lollipop rests in the space between his cheek and teeth. 

"If you want." 

You do. Sitting by his side, you notice a package on his lap, but you don't ask about it, turning your eyes to the river. Sadness washes over you as you stare at the clear water. This will be the last time you see it, you are sure. 

"There is a lot on your mind," Buddha remarks. 

You hum in agreement knowing that he can feel your emotions via the tether, both good and bad. That means he probably already knows what you mean to him.

"I'm not ready for tomorrow, but I know that it can't be prevented. And then I–"

Pausing a moment, you take an uneasy breath.

"I don't want to leave this place. I want to stay with you."

Turning your eyes to him to gauge his expression, you jerk in fear as an uneaten lollipop appears in your line of sight. Your cheeks heat up as he laughs at your response.

He didn't have to scare me like that. 

You take the lollipop from him, spinning it between your fingers. 

"Then stay with me," Buddha states. "You can reach enlightenment with me if that's what you want."

It's not that easy. The humans would have to win for you to stay with him. Or else you will face extinction. Hesitantly linking your arm with his, you lean against his shoulder. Your body and mind feel so rested like this. If only it could last. 

"I'm not sure why, but I feel calm around you. Like my worries are gone."

"It isn't the tether making you feel that way, nor me," Buddha mentions with a smile. 

You raise a confused brow. If not influenced by him, then who. You've been a nervous wreck all morning and now there is nothing. 

"Who–"

"I'm not telling," Buddha teased, removing his lollipop to poke his tongue out. 

You huff in response. Sometimes he can be childish. Releasing his arm, you snag the candy from him.

"Then I'll just have to borrow this."

With a cheeky grin, you lift the candy to your mouth, giving it a lick. The wide-eyed expression on his face makes you laugh. 

"Greed is a root evil, you know," Buddha states. 

"I never said I wouldn't give it back," you retort, holding the candy out to him.

Instead of grabbing it with his hand, he leans forward and takes the candy into his mouth. Your face heats up. Somehow it feels like your attempt to tease him backfired. Buddha laughs in response and reaches into his lap for the package, offering it over. 

"This is for you. I was holding onto it."

For me?

You open it, stunned to see an outfit inside. It's modern, a bit like the one you died in, but on the upper left chest area is a stencil of Usa-chan, the rabbit with the eye patch that is on the front of Buddha's shirt.

"You had this made for me? When?" 

"Before we attended the council meeting," Buddha answers.

He's thoughtful. This, along with the other clothes, is more than you could have ever asked for.

This made up my mind. 

"I'll wear it tomorrow. Thank you, Shaka."

You want the Gods to see you dressed as a human. If you could do more, you would. Though, it does make you wonder if Buddha wants to see humans live too. He once was one, before he attained enlightenment.

Lifting on your knees, you lean forward and kiss his cheek. 

"Even though it has no purpose, as far as we know, I've rather enjoyed being tethered to you."

Buddha turns his eyes to you and grins. He doesn't comment, but you can sense that he feels the same. For the first time today, you are hopeful for the future, for your afterlife at your soulmate's side. 

Leaning your head against his shoulder, you take a deep and relaxed breath. A moment later, you feel Buddha's cheek rest against your head.

"I do too, you know, want you to stay here," he utters.

Your face heats up. It makes you happy to hear that you aren't the only one. 

I don't care if we ever find Yue-Lao. I want to stay here. I want to be with Shaka. The tether means nothing. 

Or so you think. 

Unbeknownst to you, however, the Chinese God of Marriage and Love was not one to play tricks. His set futures were never unplanned. However, as a favor to a certain someone, he made an exception. 

The tether between God and mortal was simply a tool in someone else's plan.   

[amiserablepileofwords]

Orctober #2 - Ink

Steve was having the time of his life.

Out with the lads to celebrate his new ink which was radical as fuck, everyone buying him rounds of drinks, and that cool goth bartender chick was totally into him. He was definitely scoring tonight! Everything was coming up Steve!

The next thing he knew, he was halfway up a wall, shoes fruitlessly scrambling for any sort of purchase, clawing at thick green fingers pinning him there by his neck... but not trying to get away too hard, because that axe held against his throat sure felt wicked sharp and bloodthirsty, he could see the blood from the last guy on it still!

"You think this is funny, do you, pinkskin?" the massive at least ten, no, fifteen foot tall orc woman that had caused his sudden change of scenery growled into his face as her blade traced the outlines of his awesome chest ink. "At the battle of the Singing Wells, were you?" She leaned in, and her gigantic tusks almost blinded him. "Slaughtered my clan, did you?"

As her eyes flashed red, Steve desperately tried to talk through his 1000% crushed windpipe. "No! It's just a tribe tattoo! Got it in a shop! Today! Thought it looked cool! I'm sorry! Please don't eat me!"

"Oh, I should eat you. Start on your pathetic pinkskin legs while you're still conscious, so you can experience what my people went through!" the orc woman roared, seemingly ready to chomp his head off.

That's when Steve totally didn't pass out and shit himself, no matter what you heard. No matter what you saw.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Thanks for that, Larbash." the head bartender grabbed a freshly cleaned glass, and poured a virgin Shirley Temple for her regular. "Guy's been giving me the creeps all night. On the house."

"You're a peach, Clarissa." Larbash sighed and sat on a stool, before carefully putting her ceremonial axe back in her attorney's briefcase. "Sorry about the stain on your wall. And the puddle on the floor. Feel free to bill me for the clean-up."

"Nah. Don't worry about it. It'll be a good story, and a warning to others." Both women smiled wanly, knowing the Steves of the world thought warnings were always for other people.

Clarissa leaned across the bar conspiratorially. "So..."

Larbash quirked an eyebrow. "So?" she drawled back.

The bartender jerked her head. "That true? About your clan. Sorry if so."

The orc snorted. "Nah. Guy just got one of those classic culturally appropriative 'badass orc tribe' tattoos that says he's a sucker and his dick is microscopic." She drained her drink, shaking her head at the state of the world. "Singing Wells was over 500 years ago." At the state of human education. "Humies man, I swear. They're so stupid. No offence."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: this is a promptfic for the Orctober list found here:

[vodika-vibes]

CONGRATS FOR THE 600/650 FOLLOWERS 'IKA!!!!

If I may, I remember an ask about nephilim and cambion clones, so I was thinking in Tech and Crosshair in that setting with human reader (Wouldn't it be fun if Cross was the angel and Tech was the devil? but the other way around or both the same thing is obviously perfect too❣️), in a heated maybe nsfw set up?

Three Pair

Summary: When your mother told you that everyone had an angel and a demon on their shoulders, you thought that she was being dramatic. Until you made a wish in a wishing well, you ended up with one of each living in your home. Luckily, they’re brothers.

Pairing: TBB Crosshair x F!Reader x TBB Tech

Word Count: 1274

Warnings: smut

Prompt: Monster AU - Crosshair is Nephilim, Tech is Cambion

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: So I'm not super happy with this one, I feel like I could have done the smut so much better, but the boys just weren't agreeing with me on this story. It's been half done for over a week now. Anyway, I hope you like it anyway. And despite the order I put the names in, Tech actually has more than Crosshair in this story, it's because I needed the characters to be in alphabetical order.

You watch Tech move from one side of your garage to the other side in mild interest. He seems annoyed about something, and if you had to guess, that something stands at 6 feet tall and has silver hair.

“Tech,”

He ignores you.

“Tech~”

He ignores you again.

A small sigh falls from your lips and you hop out of the beach chair and walk over to Tech before you reach out and lightly trailing your finger down his tail.

He jerks and his head snaps to the side. His eyes are wide, but something softens when he sees you standing behind him. “Cyare.”

“Just me.” You confirm with a smile as you step around him and slide your arms around his waist, “Wanna talk about whatever’s bothering you?”

“Crosshair is being annoying.”

You laugh, “That’s his right as your little brother.”

“You are taking his side?”

“Don’t be silly. I’m on no one’s side but my own.”

You feel the tension drain out of him as you stand on your toes to brush your lips against his. It’s not meant to be a deep kiss or even a proper kiss, but Tech’s hand presses against the back of your head, deepening the kiss with the burning passion that you’ve come to expect from him.

You release a pleased hum into the kiss and wrap your arms around his neck so you’re able to play with the hair at the base of his neck, and you’re not surprised, in the slightest, when Tech lifts you so you’re sitting on his work table.

You break the kiss and lightly press your forehead against his, “Feeling better?” Your voice is slightly breathless, and Tech flashes a small grin at you as he tilts your head so he’s able to kiss you again.

“Kissing you does seem to have soothing properties,” He murmurs against your lips.

You laugh softly, “Do you want to tell me what Crosshair did to get under your skin?” You ask, gently.

Tech narrows his eyes at you, “He knows what he did.”

A soft sigh falls from your lips and you move one of your hands so you’re cupping his face, “Tech.”

“You do not have to worry,” He replies, “We will work it out. We always do.” Tech’s hands wander from your hips to your outer thighs, “I do not suppose I can talk you out of your clothes?”

You laugh again and pull him into a kiss, this time sliding your tongue across his lips, and then tracing his fangs with your tongue. Tech groans and his grip tightens on your thighs.

“You do not play fair, cyare,” Tech mumbles breathlessly as he breaks the kiss.

You grin at him and kiss his jaw before you tap his hands, and he immediately releases you. “I,” you announce, “Am going to go swimming, you are free to join me, if you want.”

“I will think about it,” Tech replies as he watches you hop down from the table, intentionally dragging your body against his. “Are you going to invite Crosshair?”

“Of course.”

Tech sighs, “Sometimes I hate that I have to share you with him.”

Your eyes soften and you reach up to cup his face, “You agreed to this, Tech. You said that you were fine with it.”

“I am. That has not changed. I am just annoyed with Crosshair right now.” He leans into your touch, almost curling himself around you.

You smile at him and reach up to lightly trail a single finger over one of his horns, making him shudder against you, “Come on, Tech. Let’s go inside.”

He smiles at you, his pretty eyes glittering with an emotion that you know very well at this point, “Well, who am I to deny such a tempting offer?” Tech murmurs as he leans in and brushes his lips against yours, and ten pulls away so he’s able to follow you into the house.

And he does.

Tech follows you from the garage to the house, and then trails behind you as you walk from the back door to the bedroom. 

To give him some credit, he keeps his hands off of you until you’re in the bedroom you share with him and Crosshair. But the moment you cross the threshold to the bedroom, he’s on you, his lips hot and heavy against yours as he tugs your clothes to the side, and then off.

He sits on the bed and pulls your naked form to straddle his lap, grinding you against his, still-clothed, erection.

You try to reach down, to free his cock from the confines of his jeans, but he pins your hands behind your back, a small grin crossing his face. “Like this or not at all,” Tech breathes against your lips, before catching your lower lip between his teeth.

“Tech—” His name is a whine, and he chuckles as he grinds you a little harder.

Even as distracted as you are, you’re not too surprised to hear familiar steps from near the door, and you’re even less surprised when familiar fingers slide through your hair, before gripping your hair tightly and pulling your head back so his lips can land against yours.

For twins, Crosshair and Tech couldn’t be more different. Crosshair is a Nephilim, half angel, and Tech is Cambion, half devil. You’re not sure how that works out, genetically speaking, but you also don’t care. 

Because you’re theirs, and much more importantly, they are yours.

“I don’t suppose there is room for one more?” Crosshair asks as he pulls away from you so his gaze can drag down your bare body, his sharp gaze lingering on your tits, and your pebbled nipples.

Tech chuckles and lifts you so he can turn you so you’re facing Crosshair, “She is being whiny.” He says all annoyance at his twin gone now that he has you naked and pliable on his lap, “You should do something about that.”

“I’m guessing there’s a reason you’re not letting her have your cock?” Crosshair notes as he roughly pinches one of your nipples, causing your head to tilt back and a moan to fall from your lips.

Tech nips your shoulder roughly, and speaks over your cry of pleasure, “She was being a brat.”

“Was not—” You’re interrupted when Tech adjusts you slightly and your clit drags, deliciously, against the rough material of his pants.

Crosshair watches you with something akin to amusement on his handsome face, and then he leans in and kisses you. He kisses you like he’s trying to steal the breath from your lungs, and when he pulls away, you’re even more flushed and slightly breathless.

You watch as he unfastens his pants, and tugs them down just enough that his half-hard cock bounces free. He presses the head of his cock against your mouth, and you eagerly part your lips to take him into your mouth.

“So eager,” Tech murmurs, as his hands wander across your body, pinching and squeezing as much as he can.

Crosshair’s chuckle would have been cruel, if not for the way that he’s looking at you as he smooths his hand through your hair. “She would spend all of her time with a cock in her mouth if she could,”

You hum at his words, and Crosshair groans at the sensation, quiet praise falling from him as he smooths his hand down your cheek.

So much for your plan to go to the pool. Knowing Tech and Crosshair, you won’t be leaving the bedroom for any reason for a couple of hours. Good thing it doesn’t actually bother you.

[luckyshotwrites]

Ch. 106 // About That Poker Game // Day 105

Contents (Warnings): Not just poker. (Angst, character and monster info as always). Read full chapter on A03

Wordcount: 4,200+

Song I correlate to this Chapter: None unfortunately

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(Jan. 27th, Friday)

Wicks

He was half paying attention to Lynette's conversation with Claudia over video call. As he did so, he blew over the coffee mug—the steam had finally seized.

His sister was across from him, her back on the bar overlooking the living room. Her herbal tea was next to her in her goofy pup mug of a carefully sculpted poodle. That's what she intended. The reference picture she brought into the sculpting shop when they went as a family and her final product looked very different. Not that my green Super Ranger head came out any better. I had to tell them I was making a bush.

He pushed off his counter next to the coffee machine and sink and put his lower back on the bar to rest beside her to enjoy her company.

As he settled, he tuned into their chatter and heard Claudia ask Lynette if she wanted to hang out for another girls' day. Without hesitation, Wicks leaned next to her, showed his face to Claudia, and said, "That's not happening."

Lynette flicked to him, gasping. Wicks sipped his bitter black coffee as she fumbled to speak, "It-it's going to be in a place with humans this time. We're going ice skating."

Wicks lowered his cup and lifted his free hand to her face. " Let me tell you this again, dear little sister." He pinched her cheek lightly, but it still made her whimper. "You aren't going anywhere outside of work without one of your family members there."

"Don't be a meanie, Wicks!" Claudia said. "Let her go and let go of her cheek, that's best friend privileges only." She did snappy lobster claws with her hands.

"Bwest fwriends?" Lynette acted like she couldn't talk properly while he held her cheek.

Wicks disregarded his sisters' antics and glared at Claudia on the screen. "Excuse you, you better not be laying a finger on my sister when I'm not around. She's MINE to tease...and sometimes Charletta and moms."

"I never consented to being teased," Lynette muttered.

Wicks smiled back at her innocently. "Consents not needed in good jests."

"Very true," Claudia nodded from the other side.

"See." Wicks agreed for a moment, then shifted again to Claudia. "HEY." He took the phone from Lynette. "Don't try to get on my good side. No amount of buttering me up or complimenting my sister will make me say yes." He could see Claudia's cat-like grin. You devious little fae.

Claudia whimpered, "Come on, Wicks. It's my birthday. You're not going to let Lynette miss my party, are you?"

Wicks pointed at the phone, and Lynette held him back from pressing the screen. "You celebrated your birthday with me, you liar!"

"Rats."

Wicks let her cheek go, his shoulder still pressed against hers. He exhaled, his tone falling from playfulness, "Do I have to remind you, my sister, in the last, what-"

"6 months on February 8th." Lynette said.

He jerked his coffee to one side away from her, nearly spilling it. His heart started racing. I've also been through a lot these past months too, but you're my sister. You're not supposed to be involved in any of this. "IN "ABOUT THE LAST 6 MONTHS SHE'S BEEN TAKEN 3 TIMES."

Lynette raised her finger, "With Claudia, it wasn't-"

Wicks didn't let her complete that sentence, "3 times." He returned to the phone, "I don't want her out and about with you guys." He didn't mean to say it so rudely. He really didn't hate Claudia. "No offense. She has a terrible track record with anyone from that pizzeria."

"Please, Lynette and I don't hang out much!" Claudia folded her hands together. Is she holding the device with her other hand? It's still swinging slightly.

Wicks caught his sister's glance. Her eyes were wide and pleading. "Don't hit me with those puppy dog eyes!" He forced himself to look away. "This is not up for debate, Lentils. I don't want you in any more danger."

Someone's voice came from Claudia's end. Wicks didn't see them in the video. "We can have it at our apartment." Their head entered the frame, pushing Claudia out of the way and down onto their couch. It was the green-haired girl with long, curly pigtails.

Wicks understood that she worked the morning shift at the pizzeria and had Claudia illegally registered through Zetsu.

"Our apartment is well guarded as this is a C.P.P.A. complex. If something were to happen, several agents are on standby and strict with who enters."

Garter usually works as security entrance detail at that apartment building when they don't send him on other recons. If he's working that day, I'd feel better. Wicks stared down at the phone. No, I shouldn't risk anyone else finding out about Lynette.

"Is that a yes?" His sister asked.

"Don't start," he bit his lip and lifted the phone to look at Tila better. Her eyes look rather soulless, don't they? Fairies have a lot more life to them in fairytales. "Who's going?"

"Girls from our work. None of whom are interested in Lynette in the way you assume." She spoke concisely.

Wicks looked at Lynette to confirm it. He restrained himself from reading her mind.

"Viola's nice, Zilla's not out for me perse, she goes after the others, and-"

"So she gets Alexander and Drake?"

"Mostly Xander, yeah. I have yet to really see her go after Drake. She goes after Lev, too."

Wicks knew very little about Lev. All he concluded was that he didn't like the face she made when mentioning his name. He eats you to, doesn't he? They're all heathens.

Wicks drifted back to Alexander. The half-wendigo still perplexed him. "I'm surprised anyone would chase a hybrid."

"From what her brother told me," Tila answered for Lynette, "Zilla has tastebuds similar to that of a mimic like him." The word mimic made his body tense. I should have been more attentive. "Their anatomy's quite fascinating." She tipped her head up in thought. "If I remember correctly, there were only five other documented cases of a hybrid between a mimic and something else. Obviously, Wendigo's being the most well-known mimic hybrids, theirs becoming a species-"

Wicks fell from Tila's explanation. Not that he meant to disregard her enthusiasm for her knowledge; he simply had to think.

He threw an arm over his sister's shoulder and politely smiled. "She'll call you guys back." He hung up quick to avoid feedback.

"Wicks, she was talking!"

He placed her phone down along with his coffee cup. "Lentils, I don't want you to be kidnapped ever again. You are so lucky it's worked out so far." He couldn't lock onto her gaze.

He kept failing to protect her.

"You aren't a monster. You shouldn't be hanging out with them." He meant nothing against them. He feared what could happen, even though his first failure wasn't considered something with..." monsters."

"I've been with you guys all this time, right?" She said to prove a point.

Wicks' conflict rose. He wanted to say it. His hands that he brought to her shoulders clutched tighter. He didn't want to see her go again. "It hasn't always been smooth. We hid a lot from you, I did, I..." Please, don't leave again.

Her hand delicately touched his, and she smiled. "I want to be involved. I want to hang out with Claudia. I want to do this. Regardless of how rough things are with training, with them..." She hugged his fingers, "I also like seeing you and Garter interact. It's nice to see you coming out of your shell with other people."

He couldn't look at her—he found himself in a stewpot of embarrassment and worry.

She put her other hand up so she could hold both of his hands on her. "I'm not that strong or capable, I know. I'm still scared of what I don't understand about this. But...I don't want to run away. Six months is coming soon, and I won't get into any more trouble if I can help it."

His soft hazel eyes delicately touched her efficacious forest green. They were stronger and ever so hopeful. Her eagerness surprisingly calmed his anxieties like she'd always be there to help him.

His eyes suddenly burned. He was reminded of when it was stripped from her and what he did to get them back.

"Wicks, I love you."

He made himself smile, "I love you too, Lentils." It's over. He said, refusing to let it come out. "A whole speech to convince me you should go to that girl's day, huh?"

Lynette lightly pulled away. "No, I won't go if it'll put you more at ease."

It would. She smiled either way, and his thoughts argued in his head. He didn't want to keep her from everyone. He wanted her to be happy.

Wicks took a deep breath, shoving down his worries. "Any signs of danger, stab it."

He swore her eyes sparkled. "Wait, you're letting me go?"

"You're not leaving their apartment, okay? If you do, I'll never trust you again."

Lynette immediately threw her arms around him in a big hug. "Thank you!"

He squeezed her tight, "You're welcome."

…

Drake

I still can't believe she let him have ANOTHER day. He thought to himself.

As usual, his back was on the wall across from the time clock, and his best friend was beside him. They had been looking at stuff on their phones separately.

As soon as she gets here, I know you never stop complaining about her. But you don't ever do it anymore when she's not around. Drake scrolled through the recent chapter of mechanical cutting tool dude. He wasn't paying much attention to it. You don't do that to piss me off when I break up your fights, do you? He joked in his head.

The phone buzzing in his hand knocked him out of thought. It was the "manager chat".

It only blew up for two reasons: something happened, or his Dad was planning a vacation. As far as Drake saw, it was quiet today. "Is Dad considering another vacation?" Drake muttered.

Alexander peeked over. Drake wasn't going to hide it from him. However, Drake took the opportunity to see he was playing on his phone.

There were a few cats on screen. He recognized the game, where cats occasionally visited the in-game house when the proper food and toys were there.

"That looks like a game Lynette would play. Talking about it together would be a great way for you guys to bond." Drake snickered as he said it.

Alexander turned off his phone screen, "shut up."

Drake then opened up his texts.

Edgar: I'm considering holding a special pizzeria event at our resort. What do you guys think?" 1:50 p.m.

Elliot: It sounds fine. 1:50 p.m

Sandra: I think the others will enjoy it if they get time to relax too.  1:50 p.m

Tristan: I concur.  1:51 p.m

Edgar: Of course, a night celebration on the first day, so they can enjoy the place during the day and possibly the next. 1:51 p.m

If it's that island off the coast, I haven't been there for a while. He saw another message from his Dad toward him.

Edgar: Hey, Drake, what do you think? Would the night crew bite at that idea? 1:52 p.m

Drake peeked around the corner from the wall he was at and down the hall where his Dad's office was. He imagined his Dad's laughing face from his office.

"And guess who's going to be on watch Shrimp duty." Alexander exhaled as he looked back at his phone.

"You invited her here. You're responsible for her." Drake lightly jabbed Alexander in his ribs.

"YoU'rE tHe OnE wHo InViTeD hEr HeRe." He sassed under his breath. "She's your responsibility, Alex. You should watch her, Alex. Don't worry that you eat humans, and she's the fucking best your body can ever get, Alex. You're overreacting, Alex; it can't bother you that-"

"You kinda are."

"I'm going to fucking end you, you little shit."

Drake pursed his lips to hold his laugh and replied to his Dad.

Drake: That's cool. 1:53 p.m

Edgar: Great, I'll get the paperwork set up. I must also run it by the C.P.P.A. to authorize our special employees.  1:53 p.m

He's talking about Claudia and Tila, right?

"Hey, guys." 

Drake squinted at Lynette's approach, not particularly at her. Alexander was ready to say something and glared at his best friend while greeting Lynette.

Be nice. "Hey, Lynette."

"Hey, Shrimp." Alexander put emphasis on the nickname specifically to rile up him and Lynette.

I'm killing you first.

"It's Lynette." She corrected it like always.

Drake assumed that because he annoyed Alexander earlier, he would start a fight with Lynette." I'm not taking back what I said," he said, smirking about using the line she did yesterday.

"You-" She held her tongue.

"Go on, say it, give me more motivation to win today, Shrimp."

Drake stepped on Alexander's foot, regardless of whether it would hurt him, and it caught Alexander's attention.

He tried to keep their focus on the actual game. "Neither of you are winning today, not that I blame you, Lynette." I totally do. "It's Lev's game; no one but him is winning."

Drake picked up on the steps a little late. "Who knows, they could win. I have a game of luck today for everyone.~" Lev tweeted as he walked to them from the kitchen again.

"That's bullshit," Drake said.

"Such a debby downer, aren't you?"

Drake's eyelids dropped, not that anyone could see it. No, I'm not as gullible and willing to roll over to you.

"What's the game?" Alexander asked, crossing his arms.

"I was thinking we could continue that poker game we never played because you worried about hours." He teased Alexander.

"Oh fuck, I am not doing that hour shit."

"You can have the same boring, normal dribble of a bet if you win." Lev's gaze fell on Lynette, "while I'll be betting hours to request what I want."

"What you want?"

"Sound fun, doesn't it?"

Lynette quietly let out her sentence. "I don't like your definition of fun."

"It's nothing bad. It could be as simple as playing games with me like Darts or maybe eating you for a lunch period so I don't have to deal with Zilla," he said.

He's a liar. What else would he want them for?

"Why do I doubt you," Lynette said.

"Are you saying you wouldn't want to use those hours for your own gain? Tell you what, if you win, I'll allow you to use those hours on multiple days—that's five lunch periods. I won't come after you."

Lynette readjusted her ponytail, pulling it nice and tight. "you're planning something."

"I always am, Lynette.~"

Drake sighed.

Lynette wouldn't back down. The determined flare in her eyes was too bright, and it got stupidly brighter the more the days went on. "I'll win then."

Lev chuckled, and Drake saw a glint of his sharp incisors—they only showed with excitement: "That's what I love to hear."

…

Lynette

It had been relatively quiet working registers with Alexander.

I glanced over at him while he wiped down his side of the counter. I should get along, for Drake's sake. Not that I could hate him.

He's so weird. His actions frustrated me to no end. He was so contradictive. He constantly seemed annoyed or did not want anything to do with us, yet he helped me and helped anyone regardless of how they treated him.

"What do you want?"

I shook out of it. "Huh?"

He looked at me wearing a scowl, "You were staring again."

"I'm sorry," I apologized, getting a rag and cleaning my side. "You don't have to say it like I do it the most."

"You do."

"I do not." I looked at him, dampening my wet rag. "I see you glancing at me out of the corner of your eye all the time!"

"You're full of yourself," Alexander grumbled, not denying it, and handed me the dry rag for when I finished. "At least I don't full-on stare at you constantly."

There's no way I do that much. Drake told me the same thing. "I was going to say something to you." I attempted to cover my own butt.

"Say it, and don't stare at me for a whole five minutes."

My voice came out squeaker than I wanted. "It was not five minutes!!"

"Felt like it."

"I didn't."

He took the spray bottle I handed him and leaned over to put it back under the counter. "Well, tell me what you have to say because I'm getting more hungry than I already was and pissed.."

"WHY are you getting hungry?!"

"I'm talking to you."

"How does talking to me make you hungry?!"

Alexander shot a glare, "Because I'm noticing you, hearing your shrill voice-"

"My VOICE isn't shrill!" My vocals betrayed me and rose when I said it.

"Uh-huh." He covered his ear on the side I was on.

My face was hot, and I searched desperately to say something to get him back. "I'd rather sound shrill instead of sounding so gravelly and deep it's hard to understand me."

He turned his head back to me and focused down. "The fuck you mean?"

"When you mutter or growl, I sometimes can't really understand you," I said, "which is how you talk most of the time."

Alexander grinned real wide, "OH, I swear I'm gonna-"

Neither of us noticed our long-haired boss until he touched our heads. "I can hear you both shouting, mostly Alexander, from the back. I don't want either of you to scare away our customers." Edgar said politely. "So apologize and make up, please."

We both said a pitiful sorry. Or Alexander did while I tried to be sincere.

Edgar pointed to the kitchen, "If you need a breather, Alexander, come work the back."

Alexander listened and left.

Edgar took his gentle hand from me. I rarely saw Edgar as of late. Apparently, he had been on a short vacation earlier this month for a 'family reunion.' Drake made it sound brutal.

"You two bicker like Danee and I did back in the day."

I shivered, "What are you implying? I don't like Xander." I was then reminded of yesterday's kiss and wanted to curl up and die. "I mean in that way, as a person..." I don't know how I feel about him as a person.

Edgar put his gloved hand near his mouth. "Sorry, that was a thought for myself." He cleared his throat and changed the subject, "In lighter news, it has come to my attention that you are hitting your six months soon, so that promised payment is on the way, and we can count the little pizzeria vacation as your party." He said quietly, leaning in.

"Vacation?" What is he talking about?

"I've said too much." His wine-red hue gleamed, and his smile wiggled. He wanted to tell me more. He contained himself. "And, Lynette, let me know if you need anything or if you don't feel comfortable talking to me, Tristan and Sandra are here to talk to as well."

He left after that.

Vacation like the festival? That went terribly last time. I did have a weapon this time, though.

The traffic upfront picked up, and it took me longer to get to the back than usual. Granted, it was a poker game, and those usually didn't take long.

By the time I got back there, Lev was shuffling cards with Drake at the table across from him. Xander's late?

"What, you still don't trust me dealing?"

"Of course I don't."

Lev snickered, "As I've said before, why wouldn't I bring a simple game if my goal was to win that easily. There are plenty of things I can almost guarantee none of you will know how to play." He then placed the deck down, "Besides, when Wendie gets here, I want your hat on and the seal redone to make you hear the same as a human. No heartbeats."

Drake put his hat on, "so you can bluff."

"Bluffing is allowed. Besides, this is a cheat-free game, with a new deck, new chips, and new..." Lev ushered me to sit at the table. "Hey, Lynette, take a seat."

I sat between him and Drake.

We waited another ten minutes before Alexander arrived.

Lev spoke up when he did. "I heard you two were having fun at the counter today." He held off dealing the cards. "I wanted to add another rule, and if neither of you like it, you don't have to play."

Drake and Alexander didn't like the sound of that. "What is it?" Alexander asked.

"If you fold, you automatically forfeit all your tokens to the winner, and you must follow those same rules."

"Not playing," Drake dropped out, and he wanted to pull Alexander with him.

Alexander still played, and Lev handed out our two cards. I had two of the same suit, an ace and 9 of hearts.

...

Lev

His heartbeat quickened.

Lynette laid her cards down first and declared her, "flush." He pressed his to his lips and spoke, "What a hand, Lynette.~"

He liked watching her desperately studying him to see if he was trying to fake her out one last time.

He kissed his cards and hummed. "Four of a kind." He tossed his two tens down. It matched the others on the table.

She looked over them in defeat.

"I got a little luckier than you, is all," Lev chuckled as he said so, "but chin up, I'll be using those five hours later, maybe a Tuesday evening."

He heard the skepticism in her voice, "T-tuesday, I'm off Tuesday's."

"Remember our game of old maid? You said no more bets that are more than a day. You never specified when for bets. What day or what time of day." Her expression quickly changed; she opened her mouth to speak, but Lev was faster on the draw. "And now you think you want to rectify that, right? You'll have to play a game with me for that. It can be your own game Monday. Another game of darts, perhaps~." She'd never do that again.

He watched her defiantly shake her head. " Not darts. I'll pick a game we've never played before."

Alexander squinted, having lost to the absurdity as well. "You did all this to have hours outside of work. Can't you get any other human?"

"I have patience." Lev chuckled and continued ruthlessly, "So, I don't want to hear it from the one who was practically salivating over every second of a twenty-four hour deal."

"Fuck off." Alexander's lip twitched, and his growl thrummed, "I just don't get why you always do everything so extra when you're going to fucking eat her."

"Well, Wendie..." Lev's hue spurred with glee. Drake was coming back to the table, so he took a breath, knowing he'd get the two galloping. "It's more of a competition between Lynette and I." He smirked at Lynette before readjusting his gaze to the other two. "Comparatively, you two are background characters. One trying to offer guilt-ridden moral support." Lev's yellow hue went from Drake to Alexander, "and the other is a pitiful attempt at being a threat to hide their underlying insecurities."

Alexander growled, unable to form a coherent response. Lev expected that much from him.

Drake, on the other hand, nearly crushed the bag of blood he had in his clawed hand. "And you're a wannabe playboy who's narcissistically desperate for every little ounce of attention."

Do you think that's it? "Desperate? I can have all the love and admiration I want in an instant. That's too simple."

Lev had more to say, but Lynette stood up from her chair, bringing everyone's gaze to her. "At least they have some reason going after me, regardless of whether I like it." She looked briefly at Alexander and readjusted back to Lev. "You don't."

Her gull pleasantly surprised him. Not that he was scared. He found it cute. You still think you're that knight who'll defeat the dragon. "I've told you countless times before," he placed his palms down and stood up. He made sure he stood in front of her. Alexander shifted in his seat, anticipating a fight. Lev ignored him. "Entertainment is my reason." Lev's yellow eyes drifted to the clock counting down above the door with his name.

"We aren't here to entertain you," Lynette said.

Lev then tilted in, his tone this time not leaving his lips as easily as melted silver. It was sharp like the knife she had strapped to her. "I wouldn't be here if you weren't."

The clock's beeping above the door behind her stopped any further retaliation. Her eyes narrowed in on him. He met her look with his arrogantly smug face and brushed past her.

"Can't wait to compete with you Monday!~" He said aloud as he walked through the door when it pulled back.

He entered the hall and disliked the unsettling ease building in him. He watched his words—he knew he didn't say anything incriminating to her. Maybe it was the fact that something big happened over a month ago, and it altered her.

Whatever it was. Lev didn't like it. Change was inevitable, but it was also painfully...less predictable.

...

Hey, you, thank you so much for reading. I'm glad I put out a story that people can enjoy! I hope you continue to enjoy it as WE have a LOT more to go! YOU BETTER KEEP PROSPERING! (Nonnegotiable, as always~).

First Chapter Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Catch up, see some maps/art, or check the latest release dates down below  ↓ ↓ ↓ 

What I’d do for a Livable Income Part 2 (Synopsis/Chapter - List)

[pengychan]

[Good Omens] Come What May, Prologue

Summary: While completely improvised, Gabriel's plan to transfer his memories in the container fly before erasure was rather solid. It came very close to working, too. But 'close' was not enough. [SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2] Characters: Gabriel, Beelzebub, Crowley, Aziraphale, Murien, Michael, Uriel, Saraquael Rating: T   All chapters will be tagged as ‘come what may’ on my blog.

A/N: Bitches will get the best possible happy ending for their ship, uncomplicated and 100% satisfying, and then decide to create Problems. That's me, I'm bitches.

***

“... He doesn’t have a desk.”

“I’m sure it won’t take him long to clear--”

“Uriel. He has never had a desk.”

Michael’s word came out cold and clipped; it caused Uriel to go quiet, and Metatron to turn to her. It was a long, piercing look. “Do you believe he’s lied to us?”

Holding Metatron’s gaze was never easy, but Michael did, unflinching. “I know he has.”

Uriel frowned. “But why lie about a desk?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t trust him,” Saraqael spoke up, and looked over at Michael. “Can I start the memory wipe now?”

“Yes. Do that.”

***

The average adult human brain has the ability to store the equivalent of 2.5 million gigabytes digital memory. While it may seem impressive, the mind of an archangel - let alone that of the only first-order archangel in existence - is not built like that of a human. Its capacity is infinitely superior and can therefore contain nearly limitless information, which comes in handy when you’re immortal and there are indeed countless things, names and events to remember.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that the storage has to be full. Some archangels - specifically, the only first-order archangel in existence - do have quite a lot of empty space left for the data to move around like tumbleweed in a bad Western movie. However, the mind’s capacity is exponentially higher than any supercomputer in the world, and the amount of data in it is exponentially higher than that in any human brain. Or that of many, many human brains glued together with several supercomputers thrown in here and there. The more data, the more time is needed to delete it.

This is all to say that, however efficient the memory wipe is, it takes time. Not much time, but time nonetheless; enough for the subject to know it’s happening. It is generally painless, though.

Unless the subject in question is foolish enough to fight it.

***

“NO!”

Gabriel jerked upright, the half-open match box falling from his fingers. The fly-- the gift -- flew off, still empty, but he hardly noticed. He fell on his knees, clutching his head with another cry. He knew instantly that something hadn’t worked - odd, with a plan so brilliant - and now a hole had opened up in his mind, a back hole capable of pulling in galaxies and reducing them to nothing. 

He had seen black holes at work, or-- had he? He didn’t recall. Those memories, too, were being pulled into the black, stripped from him, erased entirely. 

It had started, it was happening and he couldn’t stop it.

“No, no, no, no, no--”

Archangel Gabriel stood and forced himself to move, forced himself to walk and then run as fast as he could with his memories and sense of self being actively ripped away by… by… who was doing this to him? He didn’t know. He didn’t remember.

The elevator. I need to get downstairs, I must go down, I must--

Where was the elevator? Was he going the right way? He needed to get in it to take him… to take him where?

Down. Down. Must go down. They’re there.

Who?

They-- no. No. Please. There is someone. It must go-- I must go--

Where?

Before… before…

Before what? What was happening?

Doesn’t matter. The most important thing… the only important thing--

Even with his thoughts disjointed and flashing across his mind in a futile attempt to escape the pull of nothingness he - who was he? - almost, almost made it to the elevator. At that point he could not recall where said elevator was supposed to take him, but he had to get in. He only knew as much, that he had to go because… because…

Almost there, he managed to think.

Where?

Closer. I’m getting… I'm getting…

Close. But ‘close’ was not enough. 

The black hole tore away the last lingering memory he’d been trying to hold onto. It hurt, like something vital being snatched from his fingers. Purple irises flickered, then dulled to green, blinking in confusion at the threshold of an elevator that had been reached too late.

The archangel Gabriel was no more.

Just above the hollow shell, and just as empty, the container fly kept buzzing softly.

***

NUMBER DEACTIVATED

For a few moments, Beelzebub stared. Then they stared some more. They tilted their head, and squinted for good measure. The words on the screen made no more sense than they did before. 

NUMBER DEACTIVATED

That had never happened. That was not supposed to happen. Why would Gabriel deactivate his number? And most of all, why would he do that without so much telling them? The idea he may have had second thoughts about their entire… agreement, and all that came with it, briefly crossed their mind - only to be immediately dismissed with a scoff. 

No, of course not. He would not. The most pompous archangel of all Heaven was currently wrapped around their little finger, which would have been quite useful to Hell if not for the fact they were, unfortunately, wrapped just as firmly around his. Quite a mess they had gotten themselves into. And neither of them wanted out, Beelzebub was sure of it. 

So what was going on? Something smelled fishy, and not just because Dagon had been in the room. They tried to call again, just to see if something would change, and it did. Now the message that pinged on the screen had more words. 

Unfortunately, none of them was good.

NUMBER DEACTIVATED. FOR FURTHER COMMUNICATIONS, CONTACT ARCHANGEL MICHAEL.

***

“Oh, and this is your station, sir! I mean-- I know I don’t have to call you that, you’re technically below me, but I was never in charge of anyone before. So, I hope I don’t mess up?”

Muriel smiled, watching the new junior recording angel - 38th class, one below them, they had no idea there was a rank below theirs! - look over the scrolls and the archive he was now tasked to help them keep in order and update and all that. He turned to them, and smiled back. 

Did he look… vaguely familiar? Muriel must have seen him around before, even though their office was so remote, they saw very few angels. 

“You’re doing great!” he exclaimed, like he’d just seen them perform the miracle of miracles. “And… where am I again?”

“The archives. Ah, a lot of angels have never been around here, it’s all right! I’ll show you around,” they offered, still a little giddy at the notion that they now had someone else to work with on a daily basis. Things could get a little lonely in that corner of Heaven; Saraquael’s arrival had been the biggest thing to happen in… nearly five centuries, they guessed.

“This is a new junior recording angel, 38th class. He will work under you, so do show him the ropes. Jibreel, you will do everything they tell you to. Is that clear?”

Muriel could quickly tell that a lot of things were not all that clear to Jibreel, but that was all right. They liked explaining things, and he liked to listen. And he smiled a lot. They liked that, too.

Yes, they were going to get along swimmingly.

***

[On to Chapter 1]

[loversinthebodega]

if this isn't allowed please delete I just thought I'd ask for insight. I'm a self conscious person & my bf, who isn't aware of that, at times will mention a woman & how she's attractive. majority of the time it might be a celebrity but at random, it could be a regular person. maybe this sounds silly & childish but it makes me feel a way because I don't like hearing it. Last night for example, we're talking about a movie where Eva Mendes was naked & he blurts out how he use to jerk off to that scene. I then responded how that wasn't something I needed to know. He then makes a comment about how I have jealous issues. that comment made me sad because I don't want to be the "cool girl" who's accepting of her man saying how good this one is or that one. To me, it's a respect thing. I guess my question is am I doing too much if I tell him I don't wanna hear who looks good anymore

First off, you’re not doing too much at all! Your feelings are valid, and it’s not silly or childish to feel uncomfortable with that kind of talk, especially if it makes you feel disrespected or self-conscious. Relationships are about respect and trust, and it sounds like you’re just asking for a little more sensitivity from him.

It’s totally okay to tell your boyfriend how you feel, but it’s all about how you communicate it. You could say something like, “Hey babe, I know you might not mean anything by it, but when you bring up other women like that, it makes me feel insecure. I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t mention it anymore—it’s just a boundary I have for our relationship.” That way, it doesn’t come across as an attack, but more of a request for respect.

As for him calling you jealous, that’s kinda a classic deflection. Jealousy can be a normal human emotion, but it sounds like it’s more about feeling disrespected than just being jealous. You deserve to feel valued and secure, and if he cares about you, he’ll want to make sure you’re comfortable, especially with things that cross your boundaries.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. It’s about protecting your peace and setting boundaries that make you feel safe in the relationship.