#I changed a bunch up since the previous was a rough draft really but this fits in better with existing lore and the game

[perditus]

✦ Revamped Antoine Companion Verse ✦

Hardly a week after succeeding in his Joining, Antoine was bitten by a werewolf by the name of Renke, a noble’s son who succumbed to a hunger demon’s possession. At the time, Antoine and Evka managed to defeat Renke and banish the hunger demon but not kill it. Unfortunately, neither of them were able to confirm it’s death and could only assume based on the other living werewolf reverting to his former self. For a time it was fine, the curse within Antoine lay dormant but gifting him with a heightened sensitivity to the blight within him. 

That is, until the veil was nearly broken by Solas’s ritual. Fiwyn, the hunger demon that had originally cursed Renke and eventually Antoine, was able to escape the fade once more. It did not go after Antoine directly, but its presence in Thedas caused the dormant lycanthropy within Antoine to finally activate. Antoine’s first transformation was incredibly unpleasant and he attacked Evka while they were out together on a mission, nearly killing her. Combined with the blight in his blood, restraining him was nearly impossible - but Evka wouldn’t allow them to kill him. 

Antoine spent time locked away in Weisshaupt’s dungeons, his mind struggling to regain control against the beast that now held the reins. Only his uniqueness as a blighted werewolf kept him alive at this point, the Wardens intrigued as they had not seen blighted werewolves since around the time of the Fifth Blight. Evka was forced to leave him behind when restationed in the High Anderfels, though she searched endlessly for signs of the hunger demon that had cursed him. 

During the attack on Weisshaupt, Evka frees Antoine from his restraints in the dungeons. Initially he tries to attack her and the others, but his strong internal hunger for her love overtakes the animalistic instincts that had once ruled his form. For the time he’s able to cooperate with them, helping the Wardens attempt to drive back the Darkspawn attacking the Fortress. They’re forced to retreat as Weisshaupt falls, relocating to Lavendel where Antoine is once again restrained for the time being. 

After considering their options, Evka asks for Rook to bring Antoine to the Lighthouse to see if it has any effect on him. Bringing him to the Lighthouse causes the werewolf curse to go dormant once again, as the hunger demon is in Thedas rather than the fade at this point. Antoine transforms back into his former self for the time being, albeit altered after being a werewolf for as long as he had. His eyes are those of a wolf, with sharpened canines and a scent that indicates he’s more animal than elf.  At this point, he’s recruitable as a companion, though initially remains in the Lighthouse until he’s confident enough to try leaving again. 

Leaving does cause the werewolf curse to take effect again, but this time his mind stays in control. Antoine is able to use Evka as his mental anchor so to speak, as his curse is based on a hunger demon - he hungers for her love and affection more than anything else. 

✦ Following the fall of Weisshaupt, Antoine is able to maintain control over himself once again due to Evka acting as a mental anchor for him. There are points where his animalistic side occasionally takes over however. 

✦ He is a recruitable companion and maintains his elf form while in the Lighthouse indefinitely. 

✦ In his elf form, he was wolf-like eyes, slightly shaggier hair and sharper canines as a result of his curse. Antoine also smells like a wolf despite his best efforts and has a few wolf-like mannerisms that even confuse him. 

✦ Leaving the lighthouse re-activates the curse, but he can maintain his elf form for short periods of time until the beast breaks out again. It’s usually long enough to complete missions, but taking too long forces him to revert. Engaging in fights shortens the time he has as an elf as well. 

✦ His main companion missions involve tracking down traces of werewolves in order to find the demon that originally cursed him. That is his main goal besides helping the Veilguard, as he wishes to be with Evka indefinitely once more without risking her life. It all ends with him finally killing the hunger demon permanently rather than just banishing it, finally breaking his curse entirely. 

✦ Antoine does still research the blight - he simply does so from the Lighthouse and during small incursions to Lavandel. He is still sensitive to the blight since the dormant curse had given him sensitivity to begin with. Helping him with his research allows him to assist in saving Lavandel. 

[domonomin]

Working on Underlord

Issue #1 was scary.... I did not have a lot of faith in it when I started working on the story. The thing about it was that I had to be able to deliver a lot of exposition without having it drag on the story and also leaving enough information out to still have some mystery.

Took me 4 drafts to figure it out. Wrote up like 15 pages. only really used 4 of them... the issue as a whole ended up 44 pages... which is fine cause I think it turned out good. a lot of the pages were for slowing down pacing and having neat little character interactions. I didn't write a 5th draft, I just kind of made a bunch of notes on how things should play out and made things up as I went along. which was honestly freeing

my style of writing has been something I struggled to figure out since I started making comics. you'd think that just writing a script would be enough, but I get a little more leeway seeing as I'm a solo act. So I went from no script with my first comic, to a heavy script with the second, to a little mix of both for this one. I've settled on just doing a little outline where I describe what the character is doing and then write a page breakdown with dialogue. It's quick and gives me enough room to improvise when things aren't working quite how I want them to. I'm a lot happier with it.

enough about writing, Lets talk about the art side of things.

I mentioned some confidence issues in my first comic post(Though I doubt you read it...link here) and I guess doing another comic in-between that one and this helped me chill out more. going into this, I had a decent grasp of what I could do, so the main focus was on refining some of my skills and trying to push a little more. Mostly my layouts and compositions. I just wanted to be more creative and I think I handled it well enough with the regular, comic style pages.

The webtoon style ones were hit and miss I think.

so lets talk about pacing for a bit.... Pacing has been my enemy for many years. things always went by faster than I would have liked. I like it when things have time to breathe. My issue with my previous comics was that It felt like things happened a little too fast. writing definitely played a part in it, but I figured, at the time, that maybe using the regular comic format did too. so I actually would draw things normally, then copy and paste panels into the webtoons format to see if that would help. It's not bad, but it is more work. Not to mention that I'm not really used to the style, so things are here or there. I think the first/second part worked out best. the rest are decent, nothing special. At the moment, I'm wondering weather to just stick to one format or the other. That way I could plan things out better. I'll probably test it out with issue 3

Moving on. I mentioned confidence a little earlier. Confidence made me jump into this. Like I did a bit of concept art for some locations and maybe 2 or 3 characters, but for most part, things were made up on the spot and adjusted from part to part. Once again, Nice. Still think some things would work out a little better with more forethought, but I guess that's writing(???).

Don't quote me on that...

I changed art programs twice. Parts 1-4 were done on medibang, 5-9 were done with CSP and for the rest of it, I used procreate. each had their bonuses. I think drawing In procreate is the better of the 3, but lettering in it is kinda rough. I end wrestling with it more than I'd like. I might end up transferring pages to my pc for lettering next time. hopefully that helps.

It's nice seeing how much better I get with drawing as time went on.

I'd like to go back to the issue at some point. Cause there are a lot of easy to fix errors that bother me on re-reads. Originally, I figured I could just redraw the whole thing, But I one of the rules of webcomics is to keep moving forward. If I get to it, I'll be fixing things without erasing my old art. Fix errors and make some changes to help out with character consistency

any who, that's the ramblings of some guy you don't know on a comic He'd love for people to read. It's not the greatest, but it's mine and I'm happy to have done it. I guess next I'll ramble about issue 2 and some plans for the future

Till next time

Link to comic btw!

[panvani]

Mochizuki Jun The Case Study of Vanitas Anime da Vinci Interview - pt. 2 -

An interview conducted by Anime da Vinci with mangaka Mochizuki Jun regarding The Case Study of Vanitas. Part one of my translation is here. I said it was going to be two parts there, but I’ll be releasing it in 3, sorry.

In summary: A more in depth description of how Vanitas and No�� were developed, how Mochizuki wants to represent their relationship, Mochizuki’s feelings on “evil,” and how she wants to incorporate death.

Includes translation notes.

Initially, Vanitas was the vampire, and Noé was the human.

- The way Vanitas and Noé are depicted within the story is quite charming. How did those two come to be as they are? With that, how would Mochizuki Jun-sensei go about introducing “this person is Vanitas,” and “this person is Noé (a vampire)”?

Mochizuki Jun: Initially, Vanitas was the vampire, and Noé was the human. Drawing from Sherlock Holmes, Vanitas took the role of Holmes and Noé of Watson. But, no matter what I did with that concept, my boss would look at it and go “I mean, looking at this, the feeling I get is just... well, isn’t this kind of ordinary? In my opinion, it’s just... not interesting,” when providing consultation. Then, I got the advice of “hey, what if the vampire and the human roles were switched?!”  I was like “huh? A human Holmes and a vampire Watson? Wait, that’s- really extremely super cool!!” And it felt like I was suddenly looking at a completely different landscape. Vanitas’ prominent canine teeth are vestiges from those drafts.

MJ: A different friend of mine criticized my design for Vanitas, which is how he ended up developing those two-level side bangs. Noé’s design completely changed from the first drafts to serialization. Originally he had glasses and was more of the straight man of the comedy duo. I was forced to part with those and other ideas.

MJ: If I were to introduce them with a single phrase, it would be like:

Vanitas - A self loathing deviant.[1]

Noé - Body of a man, spirit of a maiden!

- Speaking of those two, even though they’re always butting heads, they still choose to be alongside one another, and end up fighting together to cover each other’s backs. That relationship is so endearing. In what manner does Mochizuki-sensei mean to depict the two of them?

MJ: They’re not friends, and their goals don’t exactly align[2]. Sort of contrarily, they always fight like dogs but still feel a mutual draw to one another. There’s not enough room to cover it all here, you know what I mean? Noé’s naivety frustrates Vanitas, but his foolish earnestness makes Vanitas harbor a desire to be close to him. Noé sees the light of Vanitas’ power which can do things far beyond Noé’s ability, and feels an attraction to the darkness that lurks in Vanitas’ shadow.

- The characters of Vanitas, especially in the case of when a depressed disposition shines through a carefree countenance, always have such impactful expressions. Please tell us if you have any points of fixation when it comes to drawing expressions.

MJ: I don’t have any specific points of fixation when it comes to expressions, but I usually end up redrawing the expression several times when I make a new panel. Whenever I draw a character’s face I end up making the same expression on my own face, so I leave a really bad impression when I draw in front of other people...

MJ: Aside from that, when I read manga by other people I’ll often go “oh, that’s a really good expression!” In those cases, I’ll try to analyze what about the drawing communicates the right emotion, follow that as closely as possible, and keep it in mind when I increase the stock of my own drawn expressions. I wanna get good at drawing...

Try to contain meaningless death within The Case Study of Vanitas.

- Though there are even humans who regard vampires as enemies, neither seems to be “good,” nor does either seem to be “evil.” Please tell us about the feelings you held when you decided to depict neither side as an axis of good or evil.

MJ: Simply rewarding good and punishing evil is bad storytelling. Those easy to swallow “I’m looking for world domination!” type characters always make me ask “Why’s this character want world domination?” “How do they intend to achieve it? For what purpose?” “What about their history led them to that conclusion?” “In the first place, when talking about evil, how was it that what we’re calling evil was decided to be evil?” It’s a really obnoxious way to get my head spinning with ideas as I try to look for an answer I can accept. Before I know it, that “easy to understand enemy” doesn’t really exist to me, no matter where I look.

MJ: Since I wholeheartedly reject “evil,” I think authors who create antagonists whose feelings you can see and relate to are extremely admirable.

- That monologue which began in the first chapter’s finale seemed to contain all sorts of foreshadowing. Has Mochizuki-sensei already envisioned the plot all the way up to the final chapter?

MJ: I haven’t firmly decided all the way to the end yet since I’m the type to not know what she wants to draw, but I’ve pretty much got the rough outline until the story’s conclusion. On my way to that final station called “the story’s end,” there are some stations at which I’m absolutely, inevitably going to have to stop. Still, I feel like it’s up to me as to which route I take on my way there.

MJ: For he who may have stuck with me since my previous works, I’m trying my hardest to work my way up and make the railway line of this current story feel more like a roller coaster.[3] Since in my previous work, Pandora Hearts, I wanted to make a bunch of distinctive events on their way to the last scene, which was supposed to be the highlight of that character’s arc. Because of that, most deaths in Pandora Hearts were made to be cathartic. In The Case Study of Vanitas, I think I want to try to include completely meaningless death.

---

[1] The word Mochizuki uses is 自分嫌い天の邪鬼. 自分嫌い is pretty directly just “self hating,” but 天の邪鬼 literally means “demon from heaven.” In speech, it’s used to mean “pervert�� or “contrarian.” The manga translates 天邪鬼 (the same word spelled differently) as “bad tempered,” which I don’t like.

[2] Since I saw another translation for this part: Mochizuki specifically says 仲間とも違う, nakama to mo chigau, which means more literally “[their relationship] is also a different thing than a comrade.” 仲間 is sort of an infamous word among Japanese translation circles. It frequently implies “friend,” but is closer to “person with whom one finds commonality [in faction, ideas, goals, etc.]” Another translation might be “kindred spirit.”

[3] Yeah she starts using a train metaphor it wasn’t fun to translate

-

Part 3 here.

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Green Gold

Summary: 

"The one Levi had picked out was of a minimalist design. The color in particular though was what stood out. At first glance, it looked like a typical gold or yellow. As Levi took a closer look from different angles under a light source, he couldn’t help but notice the way it glowed a bright green and was quick to fall back to a simple yellow. It did it too consistently though that Levi was sure it was not just a trick of the light."

Levi scrambles for a last minute Christmas present and Hange copes with being eight months pregnant.

Same verse as Rough Day, Sugar Rush and Household Planning.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Notes: I know it isn't Christmas yet but I decided to drop some Levihan Christmas Fluff a little early. I wish you all a happy holiday!

When a new jewelry shop opened in a space adjacent to his favorite tea shop in Paradis, Levi was quick to notice it.

It never did catch his interest though. The hard life he had lived for roughly 40 years had him completely nonchalant at most significant developments. The opening of some ordinary jewelry shop was not at all a significant development that called any attention from the battle hardened soldier, even if it did attract a crowd for the first two months.

That was until Mr. Spasky the tea shop owner brought it up over a round of tea tasting. Levi had seen him exchange a few words with the jewelry shop owner before he would welcome Levi into his shop.  He had guessed that they had become fast friends through the excitement of their tones and the detail they looked too comfortable giving each other. The friendship between those two was something he had brushed away too easily though. Levi was too preoccupied by a cranky pregnant Hange and his own household projects to consider much of anything else.

One day, Mr. Spasky brought up one unfamiliar question which got Levi particularly confused.

“So what kind of engagement ring did you buy your woman?"

"Engagement ring? Woman?" Levi frowned in confusion. “I have a woman?”

“It’s the season of giving so maybe it would be a good time…” The shopkeeper winked.

Levi’s thoughts were elsewhere. Partner. That was the word. By the expression and the tone on Mr. Spasky’s face, Levi could at least tell, they had the traditional woman in mind. Of course they would, they’ve never met Hange.

Hange was definitely pregnant and had been glaringly pregnant for the past few months already. Was she being the traditional woman about it? Definitely not.

Levi only had to be reminded of why he even felt the need to correct Mr. Spasky when he got home from his quick trip to the tea shop that day to find Hange as usual, coping with her six month leave in a very unconventional manner.

It had been two months since he had emailed that letter to the queen and requested for a leave for Hange. And with how Hange looked, hunched up on a microscope with a broken rock next to the table, Levi could tell that she was still far from the acceptance stage.

In fact, she had been constantly scrambling for something to do since she had been put in a leave of absence in the first place. She was probably penultimate month of pregnancy according to the doctor and she was still fighting for control of her life.

The first week into the leave she would take long walks, long enough for Levi to feel the need to circle the perimeter of the block where their apartment was, only to end up pacing by the entrance of the house not wanting to relax until she got home. Even when she did arrive home, Levi found himself only getting more stressed by her little souvenirs.

She was like a cat. The big difference lay in the fact that while cats brought home dead rats and game, Hange would bring home different types of leaves, roots and other plant parts and leave them on the table next to the microscope she had set up on her desk.

“Shouldn’t you be doing other things?” Levi had asked as he watched Hange set up the microscope in their room in the wee hours of morning, when he was about to sleep.

“What other things? I’m on leave right?” Hange had too much venom on the word leave that Levi had to look away and remind himself that it was Historia after all who made the final say. So it’s her fault not mine. He would reassure himself, conveniently forgetting the fact that he did draft the letter. He didn’t reply to Hange’s implicit accusation, instead deciding to hide under the covers of his bed and stay there unmoving, even when it did take him an extra three hours to fall asleep.

By the second week, Levi could barely get a wink at night, too busy wondering what risk lay in a pregnant person studying such strange substances. Levi started to follow her surreptitiously as she went about the town, only to see that she had been getting them from a nearby public garden.

It wasn’t strange at all to see Hange digging through plants, roots and flowers. She had expressed her passion for botany on top of titans too many times to count.

But she’s pregnant. And that’s unsanitary as fuck. Hange being unsanitary as fuck wasn’t anything new though. Levi had known her long enough to accept it.

The circumstances then were different. For a while, Levi considered telling her off. He found himself in a state of panic a second later though completely forgetting that intention, as he realized that it wasn’t just unsanitary. A few inches away, a dog decided to pee on that same soil which Hange was digging through. Somehow that view was what helped him put three and two together to get five. Hange was desperately studying whatever green and brown she could find. And it was mixing with dog shit, cat shit and whatever else made their home in that little bush.  

Levi did not need to consult a doctor to know that it was potentially dangerous for a pregnant woman. He rushed back home, went to Hange’s desk and disposed of all the samples into a bag and threw it out into the dumpster before she could get home.

For the first time, Levi was grateful that Hange did go on such long walks. That gave Levi at least enough time to create a backstory for the sudden cleanliness of her desk and her missing samples. In a state of panic though and faced with the obstacle of limited time, Levi had come up with another idea, an idiotic one, completely unbelievable that it had little chance of working.

Levi was desperate though. Although he did have the reflexes on the battlefield to take down an enemy bent on killing him, scrambling to find a cover up story for a very pregnant and very unpredictable Hange Zoe was another story.

At that rate though, Hange must have been as crazy, desperate and idiotic as him a result of the pregnancy hormones and the stress of being in almost total isolation in a smaller part of town with little to no responsilities. Hange came home to see rocks lined up, in the stead of her previous samples, and continued on her mini research as if nothing had changed.  

They were less alarming test subjects at least. Levi had made sure to wash them thoroughly beforehand. They did not stink as much as the plants. And they had at least caught Hange’s interest enough that she did not ask too much about the missing plant samples, having brushed off the white lie of a bird stealing them.

Overtime, Levi eventually realized she never did believe the lie. She was too sharp for that. In fact, the reason she had accepted such a blatant lie in the first place was because the rocks on the table had turned out to be a more interesting subject. The hammers and nails became an ubiquitous part of her work desk. The meticulous side of Levi was also starting to begrudgingly notice the scratches on the table from the scrape of rock on wood.

From a coping mechanism of studying plants and greens, Hange had shifted to studying rocks. And as Levi started to realize over dinner, rocks were an incredibly boring topic, so boring that he almost missed hearing about photosynthesis and the difference of a xylem and a phloem.

Apparently, there were so many different types of rocks and the ones he had randomly picked out in the garden could have been igneous, hinting to the possibility of volcanic or seismic activity around the area. How she had gotten that from a bunch of random rocks, Levi did not know. She started talking about extracting metals from ores. And she had started to name the rocks too apparently: Gabbro, limestone, basalt. Hearing those names echo in his head, only made Levi miss the plants.

He started to particularly miss the plants a little more when the streets started to line with them, and the main square near their place was fitted with a large tree in the center, decorated with lights and bright balls. A surprising addition to his everyday view on the way to the tea shop.

Christmas. He never really did get used to it. A tradition brought from Marley apparently. With Hange's new obsession with rocks, the large tree in the middle of the square seemed almost nostalgic.

"So it looks like the Christmas tree can amaze even the most serious men," A voice said behind him.

The Christmas Tree was placed in the middle of the square where the tea shop was also conveniently located. And from his good view of the Christmas Tree in the middle, Levi was also a good few feet away from the shop. He only had to look behind him to see Mr. Spassky, having a smoke at the entrance.

That thoughtless comment was enough to make Levi look away from the tree faster than he had wanted to. He entered the tea shop with a Mr. Spassky trailing behind and the tea had helped him cope. By that point, he had almost completely forgotten the Christmas Tree in the middle of the square.

Like always, Mr. Spasky would place a cup of black tea and make conversation. “So what did you get her?”

It was Hange who had pointed out years ago that his birthday was on the same day as Christmas day. For Levi, it was a surprise since he had built a habit through the years of never giving days enough importance to analyze them beyond what was available at face value. At that moment, when the shopkeeper noted that Christmas Eve was that night, Levi could only spit out the tea. It was his birthday. It was almost Christmas. And he had spent too much time and energy keeping Hange sane to have even noticed.

Mr. Spassky was a great salesman and a great marketer. Levi at that moment was at the mercy of his complex emotions constantly flitting from the guilt of disposing of Hange’s samples to his overall exhausted state to the state of panic which would stop by for a visit every few hours, when he would ask the question of  what Hange could be doing back home at that exact moment.

If Levi had been any sharper that day, he probably would have figured it out as quickly as he had figured out the food campaigns of King Fritz years ago that Christmas was merely a seasonal marketing campaign to get people to buy more and that new tradition on giving engagement rings was a piece of all year long marketing tactic to keep the jewelry business alive.

At his most vulnerable though, Levi had become prey to those propaganda and the nagging feelings of guilt, only spread through him, getting stronger with every point they made. He and Hange had been living together for more than a year, Hell she was pregnant with their first child already.

And I never bothered to get her an engagement ring or a Christmas present?   For the first time since it opened, Levi was finally starting to see the value and novelty in that quaint jewelry shop next to the tea shop.

As Mr. Spassky guided him through the doors of the jewelry shop, Levi was quick to notice the different rings on display. What caught Levi’s eye in particular was the display case on the side of the room that sold shiny colored metals, similar to a cavern under a church Levi had visited so many years ago. On the walls were pictures and detailed drawings of couples exchanging rings, only highlighting the tradition Levi had noticed among other couples he had witnessed.

Is there really commitment if there’s no ring?

Is it really love if you don’t buy them anything for Christmas?

Every good romance starts with a ring.

Blatant propaganda. Yet strong and relevant enough for Levi to put enough thought into picking out a ring.

The one Levi had picked out was of a minimalist design. The color in particular though was what stood out. At first glance, it looked like a typical gold or yellow. As Levi took a closer look from different angles under a light source, he couldn’t help but notice the way it glowed a bright green and was quick to fall back to a simple yellow. It did it too consistently though that Levi was sure it was not just a trick of the light.

Green Gold. That was what it was called according to the shopkeeper as he held it up to the late much better than what Levi had done. From the different angles, Levi could see the gleam of gold and the tinge of green.

Levi did not need the confirmation of the color to decide to buy it. Maybe it was the characteristic cloak they would wear from so many years ago which made it such an obvious choice. Maybe it was the homesickness that came and went from living and fighting in an almost all green landscape almost their whole lives then being forced to move somewhere within the city that had pushed him to that. Maybe it was a combination of all that, only supplemented by the nostalgia that came with missing Hange’s obsession with trees.

It probably was the fact that the color green had been so ubiquitous the past two decades of his life. Seeing it as a faint yet beautiful glow had awakened emotions of sentimentality for a life he had lived long before.  

As Levi took in the scenery of the urban jungle which they had been living in for the past few years and the stark contrast to the green they had been fighting in for many more years, maybe he did start to understand her obsession with green. In fact, he did realize with his own impulse purchase, he was a tad fixated with the color green too.

He gripped his small gift bag a little tighter as he arrived at the entrance of the apartment they shared.

“Hange, Merry Christmas.” Levi was completely comfortable with Hange and he was completely aware of that. Yet, for that moment he needed to rehearse it, having occupied himself with whether to say Merry Christmas before or after handing her the present.

Hange returned the greeting with her own questioning look, which could have maybe even been judgmental. For some reason, that had made Levi blush. He looked away as soon as he gave it and went straight to the kitchen to cram the Christmas Eve dinner he had forgotten about.

He allowed himself a last look, only to see a smile creep up Hange’s lips as she opened the gift box. Levi found himself smiling in return, even if he knew she wouldn’t notice it with his back to her. It had been weeks since he had seen such excitement in those eyes as she smiled, that same excitement and enthusiasm he had seen as she recounted to him every development in Paradis. As he was cutting the tomatoes for their meal that night, he couldn’t help but think that that smile gave him the same sense of nostalgia as the color green.

Maybe she felt it too?

“It looks like I was right… I knew they’d put titanium here. It shouldn’t be this hard if there wasn’t any.”

Levi placed the newly cooked pasta on their dining table. Hange was on the living room table, with a lamp at full brightness, hunched over like she was working on something. Just like always, Hange was scratching the table below with a new stone

A shiny new stone…. “Is that the gift I bought you?” Levi asked.

“Yeah…”

There must have been a hint of accusation or anger in Levi’s voice. The face Hange had was reminiscent  to what one would see when a dog is caught chewing on something they aren’t supposed to. With the realization that what they had done is wrong, most dogs would usually chew faster. Hange had done the human equivalent, or more specifically, the pregnant Hange equivalent of breaking into it faster.

“It’s a ring Hange. You’re supposed to be wearing it!”

“But is it really important that I wear it? Isn’t it more important that we find out the secrets of how they make this?” It was an argument which could have convinced any other scientist. Levi was far from what could have been a good target audience.  

“Give me that!” Levi found himself wrestling or at least trying to wrestle someone while avoiding the baby bump which was taking up more than 50% of her waistline at that moment.

“It’s your gift to me Levi! To me! Let me use it like I want to!”

Hange made a good point. That good point and the prospect of wrestling someone who was eight months pregnant with his first child was what got Levi surrendering and just sitting on the sofa within minutes just listening to one of her lectures.

Hange once again scratched the sharp side of the already broken ring on the table then bit it, inadvertently causing Levi more pain for multiple reasons. “See, gold wouldn’t make a scratch like this. This is why it isn’t necessarily pure gold despite what’s written here,” Hange explained as she slid the flier closer to him. “ I’m guessing they used titanium here, similar to the metal they used for our blades and the ODM gear. Maybe even copper or iron?

“So it was a fake,” Levi said bitterly. It was the mention of such cheap metals making its way into such a beautiful object with such a unique shine to it. He felt like an idiot for actually believing it was something pure.”

“This is actually a good thing because if they did make something out of pure gold, it would scratch pretty fast. In fact, the other metals make it so that it lasts longer.”

“That was supposed to be a Christmas Gift,” Levi said, completely ignoring Hange’s explanation.

“It was a great Christmas gift. I’ve never seen this shade of gold in my life.” Hange said.

“Yeah, it was supposed to be an engagement gift too.” Levi managed to add before the blood rushed through his face, leaving him unable to speak for a few seconds.

“Engagement?”

“Mr. Spassky said that most people give a ring to someone when they want to spend the rest of their lives with them.” Levi did not know how he had managed to get that out.

“And you’re falling for that propaganda now? Levi, we’ve been living together for the past two years. We’ve done things. I’m pregnant with our first kid. We don’t need a piece of metal to prove anything.”

At that moment, Levi remembered his own mother who had raised him. She’s done things. She was pregnant with someone’s kid. Yet he had never met his father.

Then what do we have to prove it? Levi didn’t need to ask her. He felt it in how quickly the exasperation of a minute ago gradually morphed into a playful feeling that tickled his chest and the sudden urge to grab her from behind and feel her tummy. He felt it a second later as she put her hands on his and gripped his hands a little tighter. Just the way he had wanted it.

Hange lay back down on the sofa next to him and gave him one of the softest smiles. She started to yawn and lay her head on his. She had fallen asleep next to him multiple times before. At that moment, he appreciated it a little more. As battle hardened soldiers, they would have only ever fallen asleep next to someone they completely trusted. Then and there, pregnant and tired, Hange was at her most vulnerable.

Then what do we have to prove it? The fact that they knew each other inside and out. The commitment to make it work. Their trust in the other to do the same.

At that moment, they were both at their most vulnerable.

“Now that I think about it... I haven’t been able to buy you a birthday christmas present,” Hange said, her voice only getting softer as she buried her face into his shoulder. “Maybe if you let me go shopping downtown I would.”

“You know what would be the best Christmas birthday gift? You not accidentally killing our kid.”

[four-loose-screws]

An Interview with Mr. Toshiyuki Toyonaga about Fire Emblem (Claude‘s Japanese VA), Pgs. 1 & 2

The gaming magazine scene is still a pretty big deal in Japan to this day. Admittedly... I only cared about them to collect the giant bonus posters. I always swore I would read the magazine, but with the hours in a day being so limited, I never did.

Until last November, that is!! I bought Nindori (Nintendo Dream) for a Zelda poster, and saw that the main article of the issue was... An interview with Claude’s Japanese VA!! Now that’s the real treasure!!

And as I read, it only got more and more interesting... turns out Mr. Toshiyuki Toyonaga has been a Fire Emblem fan since the very, very beginning, and has all the unique feelings towards FE of someone who is simultaneously a fan and a professional.

I’ve gone to hell and back slowly working my way through this translation. It just so happened to be at a really high level of Japanese. One of the fun things about being a translator is, you never really know exactly what’s going to be a challenge to translate for you. (Even kid’s books can use a bunch of words you don’t know and throw you in for a loop sometimes.)

And now, it’s finally ready to start posting!! Please enjoy it to your heart’s content!!

However... the interview doesn’t start until page 3, so everyone will have to wait until the next post before you can start to read it. ^^’ For now, enjoy some awesome commentary from Senri Kita, on her illustration for the promo card that came with this issue!

Pg. 1 (pg. 12 in the magazine)

Fire Emblem Cipher Finale Special Feature

Fire Emblem Party

This year marks the 30th anniversary of the Fire Emblem (FE) series. The release of the 22nd booster set in October is the grand finale of the TCG FE Cipher, and the promo card included with this magazine will also be the final one. As such, we included a special feature about Claude, the character featured on the card, and the history of Fire Emblem! Please enjoy this lavish party!

Voice Actor of Claude in “Three Houses”

An Interview with Mr. Toshiyuki Toyonaga

About Three Houses & the 30th Anniversary

Pg. 14 ->

Introduction of a Deck w/ the Promo Card + New Booster Set Information

Hero Research Lab

Pg. 22 ->

Promo Card

“Secret Dance Prodigy

Claude (Fodlan)”

Enclosed in the back of the magazine ->

-> The formal event outfit that Claude can be changed into if you purchase the DLC

Claude (Fodlan)※, from “FE Three Houses,” the latest release in the FE series. This card is part of a set with the other class leaders, Edelgard and Dimitri, who were included in previous issues. Because this is the finale, Claude is wearing formal clothing, and the card is holographic!

(above) The scene from “FE Three Houses” that is portrayed on the card. It is from the Officer’s Academy ball.

※Claude (Fodlan): Because there is another character with the same name in “Genealogy of the Holy War,” Claude is called “Claude of Fodlan” in FE Cipher.  (T/N: This distinction does not apply in English, as Claud and Claude are spelled differently. Both are クロード in Japanese.)

Pg. 2 (pg. 13 in the magazine)

making

[rough sketch] The scene for this art is the ball, so I decided to use warm tones, and bring the entire piece together with an orange-gold color. I arranged the information that I wanted to convey (that Claude is drawing the hand to him) in such a way that it would not be covered by the card icons or frame.

[midway progress] I cleaned up the lines that I drew loosely on the rough draft. I also created different layers for the outline and the colors to make it easier to color when the time came.

[finished drawing] I adjusted Claude’s right hand to give it depth, then added another chandelier in the background. When I finished coloring the entire piece, I adjusted it to fit the color scheme I had first imagined. Finally, I added the glittering lights as a finishing touch.

comment

“There’s only one expression that Claude would have in an illustration on the dance floor at the ball!” I thought, and drew him winking. I thought it would be fun for it to seem like his dance was gradually pulling in the wallflowers, so I created that feeling. I left it up to imagination whose hand he is pulling (because everyone is wearing formal clothing that’s different from their casual outfits). I also studied all the art I had of him as closely as I possibly could to get his face just right. I wanted his personality to come out in the illustration, so I hope I got it right!

Senri Kita

An illustrator. She’s worked as a designer and pixel artist at several game development companies, and was the illustrator for FE: Path of Radiance (GameCube), as well as the pixel artist for Kirby: Squeak Squad (DS). Freelancer since 2006. For FE Cipher, she’s provided the art for many characters, including Ike (from Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn) and Gatekeeper (from Three Houses), who’s always standing in his unique spot. She is an active creator of character art and other illustrations for the app game Fire Emblem Heroes.

[theriverpersonshadow]

Lamia Drama Part 10

DND PLANNING IS HERE AT LAST. >:D

I don’t think there’s anything impenetrable to non-DnD fans here... But here’s some basics on the classes anyways:

Monks are fast and good at fist to fist fighting, barbarians are tanky berserkers, sorcerers have inborn magic, druids have nature magic, clerics have god-granted magic, warlocks make pacts with patrons, fighters just got good with weapons and standard melee fighting.

Again, I’ll tag and link properly later, gotta go get foooood. But nothing majorly angsty anyways.

Previous Beginning Next

           Keith took a deep breath as everyone settled around the table, hands stuffed firmly in his pockets. A mixture of excitement and nerves were bunched up inside his soul and he hoped Alex couldn’t feel it, though she seemed genuinely clueless so far. Either that, or a far better roleplayer than he anticipated. The tip of his tail was sweeping back and forth on the floor as he scratched lightly at the insides of his pockets, desperate to find some way to dissipate some of his energy. Still, he wasn’t going to start until everyone was settled in.

           It was a round table, easy to see everyone. Keith had offered Alex a spot on his left. Oozy was sitting on her left, then Nikolai, then Liam, then Hux, then Keith. Trousle had claimed the middle of the table.  

Most had already gotten their drinks ready, but Hux was buying some chips from the vending machine… Or rather, he was convincing Nikolai to buy him chips from the vending machine, given that he was the one who actually had a paycheck. Alex had bought herself a tea from the vending machine and Liam had prepared his “Health Potion” which was really just an extra-sour red cherry slushy. Also…

“I’ve brought you all some snacks, no need to thank me,” Liam said, plopping a Tupperware full of chocolate and peanut butter no-bake cookies on the table. He crossed his arms and smirked, head held high.

Alex did a double-take, looking at her bag, “When did you…?!”

Keith stifled a laugh, “Liam, no.” He was pretty sure Alex intended to share those anyways, and his own mouth was already watering, but still.

           “Liam yes!” Liam said, cackling dramatically.

           Hux already had a cookie in his mouth.

           Nikolai lightly swatted him, “Ask first…”

           “What,” Hux said through a mouthful of cookie. “They’re to share.”

           “I mean, yes… Go ahead, but not gonna lie, I’ll probably eat way too many by myself,” Alex said, grabbing a cookie.

           “See?” Hux said.

           Nikolai rolled his eyes and politely took one – he didn’t care much for sweets, but wouldn’t turn it down. He gave one of the smaller globs to Trousle, and Keith took that as a go-ahead. It practically melted in his mouth, cocoa and peanut butter melting into a sweet cream as the oats gave it just enough weight to count as solid matter. It was deliciously rich, not over-sweet, but still very much a dessert. He was tempted to reach for another, but maybe he should hold back…

           Well Alex has already gotten a plate and taken four, so no reason he can’t have another…

           “How did you do that by the way? I didn’t even hear the zipper,” Alex said, looking to Liam.

           “A great hunter never reveals his secrets~”    

           “He’s sneaky, you have to watch out for him,” Nikolai said. “But speaking of which, I was actually thinking of trying out a rogue…”

           “Daaaang. Playing against type?” Hux said. “Ain’t like you to be anything but a healer.”

           Nikolai shrugged, “I figured I’d give it a try.”

           “Respect,” Hux said. “That said, I’m making a Totem Barbarian.”

           Trousle rolled his eyes, “You never play anything else!”

           “It works, don’t it?”

           “It’s boring!”

           “I have to agree,” Liam said. “It’s like you’re just playing the same person every time…”

           Keith decided to cut in before this could get ugly, “Let him play what he wants.” If Hux wanted to play the same character with a name change, then let him. It’s a game, might as well have fun with it.

           “Thank you,” Hux said.

           “Alex, what’re you thinking?” Keith said.

           “I mean, I’ve got a lot of characters I could maybe use? Do you have a setting in mind, or…?”

           “Go nuts dude,” Keith said. “As long as it ain’t completely broken, I’m down for most things.”

           Alex’s face lit up. “In that case… Gimme a minute here.” She pulled a notebook from her bag and started scribbling furiously, making little bullet points, rambling in words, all sorts of things. It was a chaotic, disorganized mess, and Keith could absolutely feel the excitement pouring off of her, making it even harder to sit still. Apparently she felt the same, her foot was shaking a mile a minute, and any time she wasn’t writing, her pencil tapped against the page.

           Trousle slithered over, peaking at her notes, and Liam leaned over smiling like a cat with a canary. They were probably happy to have another roleplayer at the table.

           Hux, however, was glaring at Alex’s foot, “Can… can you not? Like, that’s kinda distracting.”

           “Hmm?” Alex said. “Ah… sorry. Which part?”

           “Stop shaking your damn foot.”

           Alex nodded, crossing her legs. Keith bit his tongue – it was a reasonable request, but he was tempted to hiss at Hux. He dug his claws into the insides of his hoodie instead, feeing the fabric catch and finding the little hole he’d worn in his left pocket. It didn’t feel like enough, he wanted to move, wanted to do something to let out some of this pent up energy – since when did he have this much anyways?

           Alex started rocking in her chair, making it clack as it hit the floor – it was off balance – and some of his anxiousness subsided as he listened to the steady rhythm of clacking.

           “… dude,” Hux said. “That’s not any better! That’s actively worse!”

           Keith was tempted to tell him to shove it up his ass, but thankfully Nikolai spoke first, “Just let her. No one else is bothered, are you?”

           “Nope,” Keith said.

           Trousle and Liam shook their heads.

           “Fine…”

           “Do you want me to do this somewhere else?” Alex said.

           “Yer fine,” Keith said. “Whatcha thinking about anyways?” Change the topic…

           She perked up a little at that, looking over her notes, “I was thinking maybe a warlock contracted out by the Fey? That seems kinda obvious though, so I figured, why does it have to be a warlock? I’ve already made a lot of those anyways.

           “So, like… Here’s another idea. Maybe my character got traded away as a kid? Like a changeling sort of thing! They’ve lived with the fey for a lot of their life, but didn’t have the magic they did since they’re just a normal human. But they’ve had some opportunity to learn since, y’know, they’ve lived in fae realms. I’m thinking maybe the magic infected them somehow and they ended up a wild magic sorcerer? Or maybe got CURSED and ended up a sorcerer! And maybe they’ll meet the person who replaced them one day, and they’re used to contracts and stuff, and, uh…

           “It’s still kind of rough. I put this together in, like, five minutes guys.”

           “I think I can work with this…” Liam purred. “I want to play the changeling that replaced her character in the mortal realm.”

           “OH THAT’S REALLY COOL!” Alex squealed, bouncing in her seat.

           “Dude, you can’t have all the fae abilities, y’know that, right?” Keith said. He tended towards rule of fun, but there still had to be SOME boundaries…

           “I’d be disappointed if you did! At least, not right off the bat. My character’s been raised as human and only knows of the mortal realm. Perhaps a fighter… With shades of sorcerer. We can work it out.”

           “I like it! I might change my class though, is that okay?” Alex said. “I’m not really sure which to use for this…”

           “Can I be a fairy companion? Maybe I was sent to watch over Liam’s character and that’s how he started finding out about his heritage? Or to protect him? Maybe he’s important!” Trousle said. “I can take healer and support! Maybe a cleric? Or a druid! Yeah! A druid!”

           Keith grinned, these guys were putting it all together themselves! “Y’know what, go for it!” This was practically writing itself…

           “In this case… I think I’ll play a rogue who specializes in shady political dealings. Particularly fey contracts,” Nikolai said.

           “Sounds perfect to me.”

           “I, uh… I work for Nikolai’s dude. Contracted barbarian, I guess,” Hux said. Roleplay was never his strong suit.

           Keith nodded, “I’ll get to drafting stuff…. And Oozy?”

           … Oozy yawned, waking up from a half-doze. “Hmm? Oh… sorry. Yeah, I made one while you guys were talking.” He slid a character sheet over.

           Keith raised the ridge of his eye-socket, “A gnome monk?”

           “Yep. It’s gonna be terrible.” He grinned, a twinkle in his eyes. “Or more accurately… A G’nome G’ninja.”

           “Pffft. Perfect,” Keith said.

           Looks like they had a campaign.

[jennamoran]

Punching Out the Moon: or, the Glitch Trait “Aspect” (I)

Hi all!

Today I’d like to talk a bit about the trait “Aspect” in Glitch (and eventually in the fourth edition of Nobilis).

If you don’t have Glitch and you’re frustrated about that, I am planning to send out another round of PDFs to backers who’ve finished their surveys since the previous round in the next couple of days, and again on 3/3.

3/3 is also the day I plan on making the PDF available for public purchase, at a slight markup from the kickstarter rate.

                   What is Aspect?

Aspect is one of the four traits of the Nobilis, the empowered servants of the law-beings and one of the more common antagonist and frenemy types in Glitch. It’s also a trait that showed up in Nobilis 1st through 3rd edition as Aspect, and inspired Chuubo’s’ Arc The Ace.

Of the four traits of the Nobilis, it’s historically been the most straightforward, but ironically it’s also the one that’s probably going to be the hardest to convert into Glitch’s 0-12 miracle ladders. It’s deeply entangled with the mundane action system, for one thing; it doesn’t have quite enough powers or sufficiently cleanly separated powers, for another.

It’s going to be a long time before I have the new Aspect written, because, well, committing solidly to a miracle ladder for the next edition of Nobilis is a big commitment!

But I do have some thoughts, including a pretty solid early edition picture, and I wanted to go over them with you!

        A Little History

Let’s start with my baseline. My starting point.

A long time ago, I was working on a game called “Gothic Fu.” And as part of that game’s development, I wrote up the initial 12-step ladders for twelve of Glitch’s traits ... albeit in kind of rough and ready form.

There were some issues here.

For one thing, as noted, it was pretty rough. I never really went back and polished them, because Gothic Fu is a quasi-abandoned project.

For a few more ...

Gothic Fu used a really different mundane action system. It had a bunch of traits ... I dunno, Charm, Fight, Intellect, that kind of thing ... and skills that added to them.

It had a vague notion of cultivation levels, a xuanhuan sort of thing, that I wound up changing projects before fully developing. It assumed that the characters were in a xuanhuan setting; that they were cultivators.

There were Obstacles, like in Chuubo’s, things that made mundane actions harder.

And because of the ideas I’d had at the time, some of the powers of the miraculous traits were separated out from the base levels into a weird combat escalation system, where you’d only get to trigger them at later stages of the fight, rather than appearing on the level 0-12 ladder at all!

          Aside

The Charm/Fight/Intellect/etc. system was also my first draft mundane actions system for Glitch, and it survived pretty far into development. The problem was, it was very difficult to spend up from one’s base traits in it.

Like, if your Fight was rated from 0-7, and maybe skills could add, I dunno, 4 points, then the greatest fighters the world has ever had are just 11 points from me. ... only, I really don’t feel like I can grit my teeth and try really hard and outfight even some random MMA dude who isn’t spending [Will/Wear/whatever Cost] at all!

Similarly, I don’t feel like I can push my Charm or Intellect or anything else up that many levels on a 0-7 human scale, or 0-11, or 0-14.

I can imagine a system like that letting you go up 1-2 levels, maybe, with effort, but at that point I don’t know if it’s even worth the system load of letting you!

Instead, I wound up cornering myself into deciding that people just, y’know, had the mundane abilities they had, and Cost spending for mundane actions was only really useful within that level, for, like, conflicts and things that happened to be difficult at, I dunno, a Charm+Skill total of 4 or whatever.

And the end result was that it didn’t feel very much like Nobilis, like Glitch, like the miraculous traits do. It didn’t feel very vibrant, it didn’t feel like you could actively use those traits to do things, which is kind of the core thing about how Nobilis and Glitch work.

The traits just kind of sat there on your sheet.

So I ultimately wound up going back to the drawing board there and building a mundane action system that was based on things that everyone can do, based on things where I felt like I needed to spend energy to reach the higher levels but that at least notionally I could, and that’s where we are today.

... but, back when I was working on Gothic Fu, I wasn’t there yet; and in some of the powers available in Gothic Fu, it really shows!

            My Immeasurable Genius

In Gothic Fu, the “Genius” trait ... which was that game’s incarnation of Aspect ... was the ability set for being an innate genius in the orthodox martial Dao and the “nine sacred paths” of mundane achievement. There was some disagreement about what exactly the nine sacred paths were, since “naming the nine sacred paths” was definitely not one of them; the suggested list in the book was “painting, literature, baseball, medicine, appraisal, oratory, puppet shows, etcetera.” Basically, all the stuff that normal people can be good at.

And the ladder of effects for Genius----after some massaging to use Glitch terminology in cases where it really doesn’t matter and nothing but the terminology ever really changed---looked basically like this:

         Level 0 Rite: “Flawed”

Automatic

You have a tragic psychological flaw. It is impossible for others to suppress it—they cannot, e.g., Charm you out of it. In addition, any Sickness Issue that you acquire is optionally flavored either by the flaw or by the effects of Greater Flawed, below.

            Aside

The canonical flaw is Natalia Koutolika’s “frozen heart,” from the Chuubo’s Marvelous Wish-Granting Engine RPG. That is, while a traditional take on mental illness likely counts, it’s not what this power is.

       Level 1 Rite: “Cool”

[Automatic]

You are a favored child of the Heavens. You may always use your Genius as a passive defense against anything that would trick you, trip you up, mess you up, embarrass you, corrupt you, co-opt you, or win you over, or harm, embarrass, mess up, or corrupt something you’re actively watching over. If you spend no Cost and use no other Genius bonuses, this needs no action on your part—whatever your opponent does just kind of bounces off your Cool.

You may also always take a Wound to protect something you’re actively watching over from one of the aforementioned fates.

           Level 2 Miracle: “Precise”

Gain a +2 Tool bonus on mundane non-magical actions.

          Level 3 Miracle: “Tireless”

If you do not spend Wear on a non-magical action, you may invoke this power as if spending 3 Wear. For instance, let’s say you have Charm 2, Music 1, and level 2 Genius. Spending 0 Wear while playing flute allows you to access Tireless; spending 1 Cost activates it; your final result is 6.

            Level 4 Miracle: “Flexible”  

Given a few days of background practice or a few scenes of intense study, you can master a near-impossible technique for a non-magical Skill:

the relevant professional Skill, at 2, if it was nonexistent or 1; plus

the ability to ignore a level 1-3 Obstacle to do the core thing(s) that this technique is about.

You may also overcome a notional Obstacle 1-3 in terms of being able to learn the technique—that is, it’s a non-magical technique, and thus needs to be a believable thing that a person could learn without magic ... but ... only barely.

An acquired technique is “stored” in a quest slot—as long as you keep it around, you can’t also use that slot for a quest, and conversely if you actually have [#] quests running you don’t have the brain space available to learn a new technique.

          Aside

I had a note on this miracle telling me to “improve” it.

Alternate aside: this is an obvious early version of Glitch’s “Study Up.”

                      Level 5 Miracle: “Perfection”

Your non-magical actions have perfect timing. They ignore level 1-2 Obstacles.

When they interact directly with miracles, those miracles now have +3 Edge against mundane actions, rather than an automatic victory; when they interact directly with Rites, those Rites have +5 Edge against mundane actions, rather than an automatic victory. This doesn’t just apply to your actions, but to everything else that can be argued as interacting with roughly the same conceptual “part” of the miracle/Rite at roughly the same time and place.

         Aside

This was also the first-draft mechanic for powers like Glitch’s Ignition and Strategy. I eventually discarded the rigamarole with +3 and +5 and went with the simpler mechanic that we have today.

             Level 6 Miracle: “Spiritual Power”

You may calculate your non-magical abilities and Spiritual Sense as if one cultivation level higher. This dramatically improves Might and damage resistance and offers minor and miscellaneous improvements to your other abilities. Spiritual Power optionally includes Tireless.

While this effect is in force, or on any effect combined with it, Spiritual Sense is no longer considered a magical Skill for purposes of Genius.

             Aside

... as noted, I never worked out exactly what “cultivation level” did.

I mean, I did write something? I have stuff written down? But it wasn’t ever particularly good.

Alternate aside: Spiritual Sense is a standard cultivator skill, mostly for poking around at the world around you with your mind. And now you know!

         Level 7 Miracle: “Determination”

You can claim a result of (base ability + 10) on a non-magical action.

            Level 8 Miracle: “Anime Moment”

You can claim a result of (base Ability + professional Skill + 10) on a non-magical action, waiving level 1-4 Obstacles as well.

            Aside

These were impressive but not ridiculous numbers, likely to help you do the kinds of things that Determination and Anime Moment allowed in Chuubo’s:

Using arbitrary strength/speed/charm/fight/whatever, for Determination; and, for Anime Moment, doing weird stuff like drinking lakes and surfing on soundwaves.

The main difference from earlier games’ versions of these powers was,:

Because Genius’ level 7-8 miracles added to your base traits, it was possible that you’d fall short of that in certain traits ... and go beyond the base expectations here in others!

         Greater Abilities

Level 4 Rite: “Qi Sickness” – Greater Flawed

Your tragic psychological flaw can also manifest as a physical condition. Invoke Qi Sickness to create a Geas suitable to that condition, including triggering an immediate miracle from it. For instance, your icy nature can defend you from heat, or your greed can draw money physically to you. The Geas lasts for the remainder of the story, until you take a Serious or Transformative Wound that you can plausibly describe as preempting it, or until the resolution of an appropriate quest; while it exists, you may not claim another.

               Level 5 Miracle: “Greater Cool”

If you lose a conflict against a mundane action, and take at least a few moments to recover, you may invoke Greater Cool to automatically defeat any roughly similar action for the rest of the scene. This can be combined with other level 1-6 effects.

If you use a level 6+ Genius effect twice to accomplish something, but fail twice because of mundane opposition, you may invoke Greater Cool with that basic concept to defeat any mundane opposition.

        Aside

I’m not sure if the “6″ is an error. It doesn’t seem worth intense thought to figure it out at this point. It’s possible that I explicitly wanted to include level 6 effects, or even “effects that were level 6 when this specific draft was written.” It’s possible that this miracle used to be level 5, and I didn’t edit the numbers down.

Who now can possibly know?

                     Level 6 Miracle: “Legendary Master” – Greater Warrior

You may flawlessly control and exert your full strength through every part of your body. You face no Obstacle for, e.g., balancing on a single finger or attacking somebody with your hair. While this effect is in force, or on any effect combined with it, Air Foot is no longer considered a magical Skill for purposes of Genius.

       Aside

“Air Foot” was Gothic Fu’s version of qinggong/light foot, a standard technique in wuxia and xuanhuan for jumping great distances and running on walls and generally doing wirework stunts without actual wires.

... Gothic Fu was a little silly with its terminology sometimes.

                 Level 7 Miracle: “Greater Tireless”

You may go indefinitely without food, rest/sleep, air, and the like.

            Level 8 Miracle: “Greater Flexible”

Given a few days of background practice or a few scenes of intense study, you can master a genuinely impossible technique for a non-magical Skill:

the relevant professional Skill, at 3, if it was nonexistent or 1-2; plus

the ability to ignore a level 1-4 Obstacle to do the core thing(s) that this technique is about.

You may also overcome a notional Obstacle 1-4 in terms of being able to learn the technique, at which point you might as well just go ahead and call it magic.

An acquired technique is “stored” in a quest slot—as long as you keep it around, you can’t also use that slot for a quest, and conversely if you actually have four quests running you don’t have the brain space available to learn a new technique.

             Level 9 Miracle: “Greater Perfection”

Your non-magical actions win a conflict.

         Level 10 Rite: “Greater Spiritual Power”

Or, you may transcend, creating a weapon or domain out of your spiritual sense: a Convention, or a powerful weapon.

        Aside

You’re not reading it wrong: this one is kind of poorly defined. It makes a little more sense if you know Chuubo’s, and a little more sense if you know xuanhuan, but really, even if you know both, it’s an unfinished sketch.

         Level 11 Miracle: “Greater Determination”

Or, you may learn a technique for which you can claim an 18.

        Level 12 Miracle: “Greater Anime Moment”

Or, a 21.

         Aside

These were basically grades of “how impossible is this thing I am trying to do?” 18 is what lets you walk straight through a steel wall by brute force, 21 is what lets you punch an illustration in a book and change its ending. These techniques would let you basically practice up a specific skill in doing something like that.

Alternate aside: the “or” at the start of level 11 would have made more sense without these intermissory asides. ^_^

          Anyway

So, when I sat down to start work on Aspect, it’s with that that I began. And it’s from there that I’ll begin tomorrow!

[icequeenoriginal]

Tale as Old as Time Chapter 2

Note: The incredible @lrnightingale has made a masterpost alongside their amazing comic. Please check it out! Their comic establishes the order of events in this chapter and future chapters.

Pairings: Prinxiety and Logicality

Trigger Warning: Wolves, kidnapping, holding hostage, cursing, capslock, yelling (Let me know if I need to add anything)

Masterpost

Previous

~

Two days. Thomas was only gone for two days.

Roman had just gotten comfortable living alone. He spent more of his time inside, just reading. He had really no reason to go out. He had plenty of food, he had the book that he now owned and Thomas’ rough drafts, plus he really did not want to run into Decarus.

Today, he chose to read outside since the weather was one of those rare fall days where the air was crisp but not cold. Roman was so relaxed that butterflies began to rest on him, almost as if they were reading along with him.

So you can only imagine his reaction when he heard someone scream “RUNAWAY HORSE!” and saw Foster running to him with no Thomas.

Roman held Foster’s harness gently as he looked the horse in the eyes, as well as a person could do with a horse “What happened?! Where’s my father?!”

The horse let out a whimper and looked down, almost as if he was ashamed of himself.

Roman’s panic only grew at Foster’s reaction “We have to find him! You have to take me to him! Please!”

The horse nodded, making Roman sigh of relief. Roman ran to the back of the horse and unhooked the wagon attached to Foster. Roman placed his hands on Foster to push himself up and onto his back when he feels the horse’s coat is wet and cold. “Oh, what happened…? Stay here boy, I’m going to get my cloak.” Roman scooped up his book and ran into the house.

Throwing the book down and onto, Roman ran to the coat hanger and practically ripped his red cloak off of it. He ran into the kitchen and began to place some bread and cheese in a large cloth, Thomas would be angry with him if he left without any sort of preparations.

Just then, a loud banging could be heard at the door. Roman smiled and ran over to it joyfully. He was ready to laugh with his father about falling off of Foster and having walk back to tell him the great news of how his play was greenlighted and they could move immediately.

Instead, when Roman opened the door, he saw Decarus in a yellow and black suit with a small box in his hand.

Roman was beyond frustrated at this point, he had no idea where his father was and Decarus was here to no doubt bother him.

His words reflected this “What do you want?!”

Decarus smirked, “Looks like someone is a great mood.”

Roman sighed “I don’t have time for this.” Roman attempted to close the door on Decarus but he pushed his way through, nearly knocking Roman over in the process.

“Whatever important business you have to attend to, it can wait. I’m here to make a...proposition.” Decarus straighten out his jacket and slowly walked towards Roman. “I want you to picture this. A beautiful and large cabin.” He was attempting to pin Roman to the back wall. “A fire roasting my latest kill--”

Roman rolled his eyes and raised his hand to silence the man in front of him. “Look Decarus, no one’s here right now to watch you be ‘perfect and smooth’, so just cut the crap and tell me what you want.” Roman crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. Every second Roman put up with this meant less time to find his father.

Decarus stopped walking and frowned at Roman “You’re no fun.”

Roman huffed and pushed past him, opening the door “I don’t have time for this, just say whatever you want to say and get out.”

Decarus looked out the door and saw the crowd that followed him here, watching in anticipation for what’s to come. He put on his signature grin and turned to Roman “Roman Beltrius Sanders! I have come to propose to you!”

Roman turned around in horror to see people surrounding the house, his jaw nearly hit the floor. No one was interested in the pacing horse in the backyard.

Decarus leaned down and whispered, “In front of the whole town I might add. I wonder what the people will think if you, little mouse, reject their favorite son.”

Roman growled at that nickname. Decarus had called him that ever since the hunting trip. It was Decarus’ way of calling Roman a coward for giving up fighting, “as weak as a little mouse” to quote him exactly. The worst part was that he never used it in front of anyone else, or said it loud enough for them to hear because then Roman would have a reason tell the real story of the hunting trip. It taunted Roman, the town would forever be under the snake’s spell and there was nothing Roman could do or say to change that.

Decarus smirk grew, “Come on, it’ll be great, we’ll eat what I kill, have a nice fancy cottage, I’ll even let you adopt as many kids as your heart desires. Better than being run right out of town with your poor old father. Choose wisely my little mouse”

Decarus took great pleasure in watching Roman clutch his fist. His knuckles turned white, his nails dug into his palm and his jaw tightens. Decarus had Roman trapped, and yet he still didn’t answer. Once he got his fill of the scene in front of him, Decarus whispered again with more malice, his venomous grin morphing into a dark frown “I said choose, mouse. The people are waiting for an answer.”

Roman suddenly relaxed and smiled “Alright then.” He turned to Decarus and subtly took a step back inside. Roman slid his hand up Decarus’ arm, leaving his hand on Decarus’ shoulder. “Decarus. I’m absolutely speechless. I don’t know what to say!”

The people gasped. Nat raised an eyebrow, his proud grin quivering for he didn’t actually think this would work. He felt pride for his best friend. Decarus proved how great he really was.

With the sweetest smile on his face, Roman continued “Oh wait, now I remember!” Roman smiled dropped and he said seriously “I will never marry you.” With a hard shove, Roman was able to get a shocked Decarus out of his house and he slammed the door shut.

Decarus fell into Nat, who attempted to catch him, and the entire town stilled. The sound of the tiny ring box hitting the ground was deafening.

Nat helped Decarus back up and took a step back before speaking “Dee…are you okay…?”

Decarus caught a glimpse of his reflection in a small metal bucket that was on the porch. He looked shocked, his suit was a bit wrinkled and his hair had flipped to reveal more of the scar that went down his face. He immediately put his hair back into place, which allowed his smug smile to return.

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?” No one dared to answer him, not even Nat who opened his mouth then immediately shut it. After a beat of silence, he continued “Just one moment.” Decarus turned to the door and ever so gently knocked “Roman, open the door.” A moment's pause. “Little mouse, I said open the door.”

Roman did not answer, he didn’t even hear him. As soon as the door shut, he ran out the back door without hesitation, even forgetting the food he had been packing. In an instant, he was on Foster’s back and riding off to find Thomas.

Decarus was slamming on the door at this point, loudly demanding for the door to open. The crowd began to dissipate, muttering to each other about what they just witnessed. Abruptly, Decarus stopped and choose to rest his hands on the wooden door.

Nat gulped and took a step forward. “Dee, I know it sucks that you failed but” He placed his hand on Decarus’ shoulder “how about we go get a drink and--”

He was cut off when Decarus whirled around and grabbed his shirt aggressively “I don’t fail. I never have, and I never will. I will make Roman my husband, and that’s a promise.” With that, he threw Nat to the side and marched back to his house.

“Game on, little mouse, game on.”

~

Roman rode swiftly through the forest, a mix of emotions swirling through his mind.

“He proposed to me! Decarus actually proposed to me. He treats me like shit any chance he gets and then just expects me to want to say yes to him? Can you believe the nerve of that man?!” Roman ranted aloud.

Foster huffed and bobbed his head up and down, proving that he was listening as they traveled on.

“And even if he wasn’t the worst human being alive, I still wouldn’t date him, much less marry him. I mean could you imagine me as his husband? No thank you.” Roman was so lost in his aggravation that he didn’t realize Foster was slowing down. He only stopped ranting when Foster came to a halt. Looking up, Roman could see that the path in front of them was dark, foggy and looming with the promise of danger. Foster turned to look at Roman, he was not very keen on bringing his other master down this path.

Roman gave him a soft smile, “It’s alright Foster, just go down the same path you went with Dad and we are sure to find him.”

Foster hesitated for a moment before galloping down the path.

Roman gulped and thought, “Oh dad...what went wrong?”

~

Two Days Earlier

Thomas sang as he rode on. He had never been more proud of himself. He was sure this play was going to be a smash hit. “Can you believe it, Foster? The future is almost in our grasp. All thanks to our boy and his encouragement.”

Foster happily trotted through the forest in response.

Thomas smiled softly “You know what I’m going to do with my first paycheck? I’m going to buy Roman a giant bookshelf and a bunch of books as a thank you. Then I’ll use the money I have saved to get us a new house, far away from that town. And then I’ll save up to give Roman a carefree life.”

Thomas then did something bad, very bad, something he was told multiple times not to do by his son. He started to daydream. He imagined putting on his first show, audiences leaping to their feet, winning award after award.

It was nightfall before he realized that he was very, very lost.

Thomas looked around, attempting to recognize anything on the path. There was nothing but dense trees and the occasional owl.

Thomas’ breath became uneasy “Oh my, It appears we went the wrong way, Foster.” Thomas pulled out his map and attempted to try to figure out where they were going.

Squinting at the map, he spoke softly “I think...I think we have to go this way.” Thomas gently pulled Foster to the right but the horse did not move. Foster tugged his head towards the opposite direction, the path Thomas wanted to go down was even darker and foggier than the one they were already on.

Thomas nodded sympathetically “I know, boy, I don’t want to go down the super creepy and possible death trap path either but the map seems to say we have to.” Thomas tugged once more and this time, Foster listened.

They made their way down the path cautiously. Thomas flinched at every sound and nearly broke his neck from how quickly he turned his head. Thomas’ skin went pale when he heard the howl of wolves.

Sweat fell down his face and his hands began to shake as he spoke: “Welp, we are never going to get there so might as well just turn around and go home where it’s nice and warm and not scary whatsoever.”

Thomas could feel Foster getting nervous, the horse was making the cart Thomas was sitting on bump back and forth. Thomas spoke words of reassurance to Foster in an attempt to calm him.

It did not work.

Bats and small birds flew past the horse, frightening it even more. It caused him to nearly run off a cliff, and Thomas to start to freak out. The final straw for Foster was when he made eye contact with a wolf.

He reared, sending Thomas and his briefcase flying to the ground and Foster took off into the night, two wolves hot on his tail.

Thomas slowly sat up for he hit his head when he fell to the ground. He scanned the forest for Foster, too terrified to call out for the horse in the event he alerts the wolves to his location.

He slowly stood up, briefcase in hand, and sighed at the site of the shattered pieces of metal near him. They once formed his only lantern. Foster had trampled it when he made his escape.

Thomas gulped and took a small step forward, intending to sneak away. In a cruel twist of fate, Thomas stepped on a small branch. He cringed at the sound and slowly turned his head towards the hill to his right, ready to meet his fate. There were several wolves staring him down and for a moment, they only made their presence known to him. Thomas took a second step and the wolves moved forward an inch.

Thomas knew there was only one way out of this situation alive so he took a deep breath and said a small prayer before running as fast he could.

Thomas felt his heart leap into his throat, the wolves were in hot pursuit of him. His lungs burned as he forced himself to keep going. He looked over his shoulder and nearly screamed as he saw there was only a short distance between him and the wolves.

He forced himself over a large tree root and slid, rather ungracefully, down the hill. Ahead he sees a large gate and bolts to it. To his relief, the gate swung open. He slammed it shut with breakneck speed, creating a solid barrier from and the wolves. His sudden moment of relief was cut off by a wolf biting his cloak and attempting to pull him through the gate.

Thomas slapped the wolf with his briefcase, startling the wolf enough for it and its companion to run off. Thomas’ knees nearly buckled in relief. “At last…” he panted out “It’s over now.”

He should have known the universe wouldn’t let him off the hook that easily. As if it was waiting for its cue, the sky turned from clear and empty to dark and full of clouds. The rain from them pours on Thomas as if they had a personal vendetta against him. Thomas sighed and turned to try to figure out where he was now.

Thomas suddenly stiffened and he lost his grip on his briefcase, not that he noticed. In front of him was a monstrous castle. It was built from black stone, dripping with dark energy. It had tower after tower, each topped with dark purple turrets. The gargoyles were also black and almost looked life-like. The grand door was also purple with dog-like faces on the door knockers. The windows were blocked with wood, making it hard for Thomas to see if anyone was inside. Thomas was so enchanted by it that it took him sneezing to snap him out of it. He felt a chill fill his body and knew if he stayed in the rain anymore, he’d surely catch a cold (if he didn’t already have one).

He ran to the castle door and rapidly knocked on it. When he got no answer, he reached for the door knocker. All of a sudden, the door opened on its own.

Peering inside, he saw a candlelit hallway. It had a velvet carpet that contrasted with the dark blue walls. Thomas gulped before slowly walking in.

“H-Hello…?” He managed to stutter out, receiving no response. Taking in some deep breaths, he tried again, a bit loud this time “Hello?” He wiped his clothes down and ran his fingers through his wet hair.

Out of nowhere, Thomas could hear a voice, causing Thomas to jump in fear “Hey look! It’s some dude, he looks lost” Thomas looked left and right, trying to find the source of the voice.

Another sharp whisper replied to the first “Silence Joan, the stranger will leave if he believes there is no one here.”

The voice dubbed Joan contested “He could be the one we’re waiting for.”

The second voice scoffed “Falsehood. This man has grey hair and looks twice the master’s age. Therefore there is more of a reason for him to leave.”

Thomas pleaded with the voices, “I’m sorry to barge in but...please I need a place to stay...just for tonight!”

On the table next to Thomas, there was a clock and a candlestick. The candlestick moved their head ever so slightly to look at Thomas’ pained and exhausted expression. They turned their head back to the clock, with puppy dog eyes.

The clock’s natural expression was unchanged and he replied coolly “I said no Joan and that’s final.”

Thomas felt as though he was going to cry “Please! My horse ran off! I’ll even leave before dawn!”

“Come on Logan, don’t be such an asshole”

“I AM NOT--OWW! DID YOU JUST BURN ME?!”

Joan let out a chuckle before turning their body fully towards Thomas “Of course you can stay the night!”

Thomas turned in a full circle but again, he saw no other human “Uh thank you! I don’t mean to be rude but where are you?”

Joan waved their left candle “Right here!”

Thomas once again missed it, he was still looking for a human. He reached down and unintentionally grabbed Joan.

Joan wiggled in his hand “Woah! Get to know me first before you try to pick me up!” Joan laughed at Thomas’ surprised expression but he quickly regretted it as it caused Thomas to drop him.

Thomas’ eye widens into saucers “You talked…” Thomas pointed his finger, his whole body shaking. Joan pushed themself up and Thomas jumped back “You moved!”

Logan rolled his eyes and jumped off the table “I hope you are happy with your decision, Joan.”

Thomas gasped “You move and talk too!��� Thomas looked around the hallway to see if any of the other objects in the room would move. His fear was replaced by fascination. Thomas bent down and began to poke Logan. He couldn’t believe what was in front of him. A candlestick with its wax formed into a face and candle snuffer on their head like a hat. They had a sweet grin and tapping their smaller candles together like they had real hands. They were gold and they hoped to get closer to Thomas. Next to them was a very angry clock. He too had a face and the hands on the clock looked more like they were there to hold up the mini glasses on the clock rather than something to help tell the time. The clock had metal arms and stubs for legs. Thomas then observed that the clock had a small door on his chest and he tried to open it.

Logan slapped his hand away “Do not touch me! That is extremely rude!”

Thomas pulled his hand so quickly that he fell over. He stammered out “I-I’m sorry, it’s just...I’m just...and you’re just…” Thomas then let out a plethora of sneezes.

Joan hopped to his side and frowned “Oh shit dude, you need to get warm quick. Follow me.” Joan hopped down the hall. Thomas’ eyes followed him and saw that a door open to reveal a fireplace. Thomas leaped to his feet and walked behind Joan to the next room.

Logan facepalmed so hard that it was surprising that the glass that made up his face did not shatter, “They never listen to me. Never. And now everything is just going to go bad and I’m going to get blamed for it.”

Logan followed them as a mysterious figure stalk them from the top of the stairs. The shadow growled before quietly heading down the stairs.

Joan led Thomas to a room that was mostly empty except for a large chair in the middle of the room. Thomas graciously sat down while Logan rubbed his face in frustration “You’re letting him sit...in the master’s chair?!”

A barking footstool ran over to Thomas and sniffed him. Thomas chuckled, quite enjoying being in the presence of the living objects. He gently tickled the stool under a tassel he assumed was the stool’s ear. When he heard the happy barks, Thomas smiled that he got it right.

As a reward, the footstool crawled under Thomas’ feet and laid down to take a nap.

Joan waved at a coat hanger and said coat hanger put a blanket over Thomas.

Thomas smiled softly “Thank you.”

Logan raised his arms in frustration “What is wrong with all of you?!’ He placed his hands on his face and groaned “He cannot stay here!”

Logan’s lecture was interrupted by a happy squeal which made drop his arms with a long sigh. It was short lived though, as he had to jump out of the way of a speeding food cart. It barely missed him and Logan fell flat on his face.

Logan picked his head up from the ground and shouted angrily “PATTON!”

The food cart paused. It held a white teapot with a blue cover and base and a matching teacup. The teapot jumped up and down in excitement “Sorry Lo-Lo but I can’t help it! We have a guest!”

Logan blushed at the nickname, losing focus on the situation at hand.

Patton grinned and offered “Here! Have some tea that will get rid of that cold, 100%”

Logan waddled over to the cart “Patton, dear, no. He can’t”

Patton huffed and poured the tea, that he was holding inside him, into a small teacup. Thomas gently picked it up and took a sip.

The teacup giggled at the feeling “Papa! It tickles!” Patton smiled at his son as the little teacup began to strike up a conversation with the man holding him. “Hi! I’m Emile!”

Logan began to rub his temples in distress “And how he’s drinking out of my son. I don’t see how this could possibly get any worse!”

The door abruptly swung open, letting in such a big window that it doused out the fire in the fireplace and on Joan.

Someone whispered “Master Virgil…”

Thomas looked around confused. Logan instantly climbed up the side of the food cart as quickly as he could. Emile hopped out of Thomas’ hands and hid before Patton. Patton hid behind Logan who extended his small arms to block his family. Thomas began to shake in fear as Joan backed away, their arms raised as if it was pleading with someone. A large shadow began to cast over Thomas, causing his heart to beat rapidly.

A dark, deep voice spoke, “There’s someone here.” It wasn’t a question, emphasized by the fact the speaker seemed to be holding himself back.

Joan blabbed “He got lost in the woods! And we just wanted to--” A roar instantly silenced Joan, even dousing their flames.

The figured turned his head towards Logan who only gestured to a sheepish Joan. The monster let out another growl.

Thomas turned his head to find the source of the frightening growling. Unfortunately, that caused him to come face to face with the beast in question.

Even in the dark, Thomas could see the ghastly figure. He had sharp horns, pointed ears, and a long, threatening tail. He wore a dark purple mask that covered everything but his dark eyes.

The beast moved closer, causing Thomas to jump out of the seat and drop the blanket.

The beast demanded, “WHO ARE YOU?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

Thomas was shaking more violently than before as he backed away from the beast “I-I-I got lost in the w-woods and…”

Virgil scoffed but continued to walk menacingly towards Thomas “Of course! And I bet you wanted shelter from the ‘bitter’ cold too?!”

“I-I-I do but…”

Virgil snarled “SHUT UP! I’m not getting fooled again!”

Thomas raised his hand to keep a distance between him and the monster “W-What…? I-I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Thomas ran backward, attempting to escape from the front door. “Please! I was just trying…”

Thomas yelped when Virgil grabbed his arm “Trying to get some shelter right?! Well, I’ll give it to you!” Virgil dragged Thomas away, ignoring his cries to be let go.

The door slammed shut, leaving the servants in quiet shock over what had just happened.

If this is how Virgil reacted to an old man, how would he react to the one who was destined to break the spell?

~

Present

Roman stared at the castle in front of him in horror. He could not believe that he had never even heard of this grand place before. Foster began to rear back and nearly knocked Roman over as he did with Thomas.

Roman gasped “Foster! Calm down!” Roman hopped off the horse and pet him desperately “Steady Foster, steady. It’s going to be okay.” Roman gently kissed the horse’s head and turned to the castle.

He was apprehensive, no doubt about it. This place gave off a dark aura that sent a shiver up Roman’s spine. Roman would never imagine his father staying here, even if it was to take refuge from the cold. It was simply improbable. Thomas was most likely not there.

Then he saw it.

The familiar black briefcase. Roman ran to it and picked it up with shaking hands. He could hear the manuscript move around as the case was being moved, there was no doubt that this was Thomas’ briefcase. He hugged the briefcase desperately, fighting back his tears.

“Oh, dad…” Roman looked up to the castle and a determined look formed on his face. “Hold on, I’m coming to get you.”  

~

Next

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[kamihoshi]

Sakura and their assistant (and fellow mangaka) Risapaso were interviewed together for Creator’s Voice by Rikiya Kurimata. I don’t think Sakura’s ever done an interview so this was a surprise. Sakura talks a bit about aiming to become a mangaka and all things Yugami.

As this is a Yugami-centric blog, I’m only going to translate the questions and answers related to either the series or Sakura.

Apologies for any mistakes made (there are bound to be some), they are not my intent.

(Note: The interviewer’s name is listed as his nickname 仕掛け番長 but screw it, I’m just gonna call him by his real name. And since I have no idea what gender either Sakura or Risapaso are I’m just gonna use “they” as the pronoun.)

Jun Sakura ✖ Risapaso Interview: Connected by Yugami-kun

A love of drawing since childhood

Rikiya Kurimata: Alright, first question, what made each of you decide you wanted to become a mangaka? Sakura-sensei, you can start, if you please.

Jun Sakura: There wasn’t a particular event that made me want to do it but I’ve liked drawing ever since kindergarten. That never changed and in elementary school, I’d draw manga all over my notebooks.

RK: You were drawing original stuff from the start?!

JS: It was nothing that spectacular, just stuff like copying Doraemon. I remember doing the same with other manga I liked in my later years of elementary school.

RK: Did you like making your own stories back then?

JS: ............Probably, I guess?

RK: That was a long pause (laughs).

RK: What was it like when you were aiming to become a mangaka?

JS: I worked a side job in my hometown at the time. I’d get home from work dead tired and fall asleep before even drawing manga (laughs). After saving up some money from working, I quit my job and started working as an assistant for a mangaka who was publishing in a monthly magazine in my area. As a monthly assistant, you really need to have another job or else you don’t have many days where you’re actually working, so my living expenses were tight at the time but I figured I’d draw manga while living off my savings.

JS: I submitted my work to a competition and even though I didn’t win, I got a call from an editor at Shogakukan who wanted to work with me. After that I was told, “Draw whatever you want” and what I came up with ended up getting selected. It was decided that I’d debut so I moved to Tokyo and got to draw a number of oneshots while working as an assistant for a weekly magazine but I just couldn’t think of a storyboard for a series no matter how much I tried. I drew my last idea thinking I’d go back home if it didn’t get accepted. That was Yugami-kun ni wa Tomodachi ga Inai.

RK: Alright, thank you! Next, Risapaso-san, please.

[...]

RK: Risapaso-san is currently also an assistant to you, Sakura-san. How’s their work?

JS: They’re very dependable and always draw up these awesome backgrounds for me. It makes my art look so much better (laughs)! They’re a real pro and very reliable.

Risapaso: You flatter me.

RK: I think a lot of people aren’t aware of what assistants do - could you fill us in?

RP: I guess you can say we help give form to the what the author envisions. Sakura-sensei basically gives me a drawing as a rough guideline and using that as a base, I draw in the details.

RK: Ah, so you have to be able to read what the author wants and help them complete the drawing! That takes the skill of a professional!

JS: Yes. I'll ask them to spruce a panel up for me and they’ll give me a draw up a really nice backdrop for me.

RK: Sakura-san, what do you think of Risapaso-san’s series, Garyayama Poyomi no Kataomoi?

JS: The black humor and twists are really great! Whether it’s being comedic or serious, it surprises me, like, “That’s how it plays out?!” It betrays my expectations in a good way and the developments are so engaging. Even when the mood becomes serious, it’s well-balanced so I have nothing but glowing thoughts after reading it. Likewise, even when the story gets dark and heavy, there’s always a bit of comedy afterwards. I really like how it’s able to flip the mood back like that. I’m eager to see what happens next.

RK: And how about your thoughts on Yugami-kun ni wa Tomodachi ga Inai?

RP: I love it. I really like Yugami for how he’s the complete opposite of your typical shounen manga protagonist - acting not for the sake of those around him but for himself.

RK: For sure. When Yugami-kun ni wa Tomodachi ga Inai first came out, there weren’t many protagonists like Yugami. I think as the series got popular, we’ve seen an increase in them. How did you come up with Yugami-kun?

JS: It was born from a conversation I had with my editor. We were talking about people that were oddballs yet could also be strangely likable and that’s when I realized there are actually tons of people like that all around me, myself included. I took a bunch of those different aspects, pieced them all together bit-by-bit and made it into a manga.

RK: Wow, from a random chat like that?! When the first volume (of Yugami-kun) came out, my bookstore colleagues talked about it a lot. They were surprised at how well it sold. I think it really changed our image of a shounen manga protagonist and because you modeled the characters after people you know, that might be why a lot of the characters feel so real.

[...]

RK: And do you use Twitter too, Sakura-san?

JS: I do, but I’m no good at social media. I never know what to tweet. I've been like this since my student days so I’m probably just not suited for it. Yugami-kun is being rerun on Sunday Webry right now so I use Twitter to get the series out there while adding some of my own commentary on it. But I’m so stuck on what to say that it takes about three hours just to write three lines...

RK: Three hours?! That time ought to go to working on your manuscript, no? (laughs) But since you’re serializing in a magazine, you must get some fan mail, correct?

JS: Yes! Getting fan mail is so encouraging. I feel bad that I can’t return the favor with anything but new year’s cards... But I treasure every letter I get. When I’m feeling tired, I read them over again and they cheer me right up. Some senders have been writing to me since they were students and as time’s passed, they’ve sent me letters telling me they’ve gotten married. It feels like I’ve really gotten to know these people through their letters.

RK: Well then, Sakura-san, is there a particular chapter of Yugami-kun that sticks out in your mind?

JS: There was a moment when I was drawing up the draft storyboards and felt like I finally understood the characters. So in Yugami-kun, there’s an arc where the hero and heroine sever ties with one another. I wrote it without deciding how the two of them would make up. All I knew was that it would end with them reconciling and I forged ahead without deciding how it’d happen. But once I started drafting the storyboard, the chapter just wouldn’t go the way I wanted it to. Even if the story ended there, it wasn’t over for the characters. Characters were saying things they’d never say and things just didn’t feel right.

JS: I have a habit of cutting up parts of my storyboard drafts and reassembling them and in that mountain of papers was the heroine’s smile. Suddenly it hit me, “Ah, this is it!” and the somewhat sombre end of that arc did a complete turnaround. Just by picking up one piece of scrap from my drafts, all the other aspects of that chapter I was struggling with started to click as I pieced everything together like a puzzle. Like, “Oh, so that’s what he was thinking?” It felt like the characters were guiding me. It took a while to go through all of it but part of me drew the storyboard wanting to know how they all ticked.

RK: It sounds like the characters came to life in that moment!

JS: I discussed it with my editor beforehand but when I went to draw the chapter, something about the characters just seemed off so I submitted a completely different storyboard from the one I discussed with my editor, rewritten even though I’d already gotten the OK for the previous draft... I’m nothing but grateful to my editor for letting me make those changes.

RK: Thank you for all the work you put into this series! Well then, are there any manga you’d like to recommend?

JS: My friend told me I should read Ousama Ranking (King Ranking) by Sousuke Toka. It’s great; it has a kind of warmth to its style like a children’s story but also has these intense scenes that feel straight out of a shounen manga. A lot of times I’ve cried reading it. I love how multifaceted the characters are. Re-reading it and reflecting on the characters thoughts and actions with that hindsight never gets old.

[...]

RK: Finally, is there anything you’d like to say to your fans?

JS: Yugami-kun was really only slated to run for one volume with five chapters but it received a lot of positive feedback on reader surveys so it was given a second volume, and then the first volume got a reprint... And on and on, that cycle repeated. It’s thanks to all of your support that the series is still going and I’m forever grateful. When I was drawing Chapter 1, I’d thought of the ending by then but writing the story up to that point wasn’t possible so I figured that at its slated end, I’d show how the characters had grown in that time frame. But thanks to everyone, it looks like Yugami-kun will be fortuitous enough to finally have the ending I’d envisioned. I’ll be doing my best to make the rest of the ride enjoyable, so I’d be happy if you stuck with me.

[...]

RK: Thank you for doing this, you two!

Notes

Some of the oneshots Sakura has written in the past (all before Yugami began serialization):

こなた彼方の箒星 Konata Kanata no Houkiboshi

ぼくらのヒーロー Bokura no Hero / Our Hero

サンスポット！ Sunspot!

＆スマイリー &Smiley

The development Sakura mentions about Yugami and Chihiro severing ties with one another is a reference to chapters 56-58.

[jaimistoryteller]

Jaimi’s Update

5/6/19 Update

Hi All

Thank you all for continuing to share Shelk’s GoFundMe, I really appreciate it and it’s been helping. Now on to that update I keep planning and not seeming to get to. 

This is a long post, so I will put it below a cut. 

About Me First

So March and April were both massively long and a more then a little painful, both physically and mentally. I had a depressive spiral because of something someone said, cause even though they hadn’t meant to set one off, their word choice did not help. I got it just about under control and someone else said something that sent it right back down. I finally got it under control again, back in the slow drag of getting out of it. Not that I know for a fact it will work or not. Life is never that easy. 

I spent way too much of the two months on the go, to the point where my body shut down a couple of different times and I was completely useless. At least I accomplished my goals though, even if I paid massively for them. 

I have a new therapist, she’s lovely but it’s frustrating, because I did not want to be changing therapists in the middle of shit going wrong, but alas it was a thing that had to happen since my previous one is officially retired for a variety of reasons (and I hope he enjoys it too!). 

Despite my best efforts, I am a foster fail again, and have a new cat, he is adorable and loveable. I’ve named him Silver for his chest and markings. 

[ID: Silver the cat laying partly on the laptop keyboard]

I’m trying to figure out how to pay my electric, it’s due on the 10th, I should have made a post on it, but I’ve been more focused on making sure my sister doesn’t lose her home. Plus I was under therapist orders not to think of anything money or work related for three days during this last weekend. 

Winston

[ID: Winston the rottweiler service pup laying on my lap while I pet him]

He’s doing perfect on his training, already has two of his tasks completely down, working on getting several more down. 

Unfortunately, there have been several problems with store peeps despite the fact I make sure he has his harness on and his leash on that says he is a service dog. They keep making a fit over the fact he’s a rottweiler, I even had one say it directly to my face. 

So I’ve ordered a bunch of business cards with the ADA online address on them, a copy of the two questions they can legally ask on the front:

Is that a service dog?

What tasks does your service dog perform for you?

On the back I put the four points people keep missing the most, copied directly from the ADA FAQ:

Staff are not allowed to request any documentation for the dog, require the dog demonstrate its task, or inquire about the nature of the person’s disability.

The ADA does not require service animals to wear a vest, ID tag, or specific harness. 

Covered entities may not require documentation, such as proof that the animal has been certified, trained, or licensed as a service animal, as a condition for entry.

Michigan has a voluntary registration program but it is not required.

The last point is from the state ADA, rather then the Federal one. If I had more room, I would have included the fact it’s illegal to try and force a registration, but alas business cards aren’t that big. 

I knew when I got him there was going to be questions because he’s so big, I hadn’t realized how foolish peeps were going to be over his breed. 

Both his leash and harness say Service Dog on them, but because I didn’t go out and buy the specialized one, but a training harness which was a lot cheaper and works for our needs just as well, people like to question it often. To the point where I even had one person tell me to get out of the store because someone else’s dog acted up, so mine couldn’t really be a service dog. Seriously, then she tried to back it with the ADA, while breaking the first three points from the back, and then insisting that the Michigan registry is required. 

Seriously, she’s one of the reasons I made the cards, right after I reported her and her boss, since she was insisting she checked with her boss, and her boss agreed. I even stressed to both the ADA and her company I didn’t want either fired, I wanted them properly trained, it should not be the customer’s job to print off the law and bring it in to make a point, just to keep shopping. 

I refuse to go back to having days I can’t go to the store because others want to have a problem with my awesome boy. If they have a problem with another dog, that’s the other dog’s handlers problem, not mine. To take it out on me is unprofessional. 

Shelk & Lot Rent

All of you peeps who have shared it (particularly you awesome one @noregretsnotearsnoanxieties) are wonderful! I appreciate all of the help. Shelk is flabbergasted and thankful beyond words for all the help. 

Last month we were able to get $555 within the $3,600. The lot owner accepted that, which set the eviction notice back to the 15th of this month. 

Right now we are at $150 this month, which is great as we are trying to get to at least $300, as that would pay at least one month. Currently she owes $3,345 between past and current due. 

A wonderful peep has said they are going to try and do something mid-month after getting paid, so I am rather hopeful, and I will be continuing to share, with updates every time there is a donation. 

Unexpected Meeting Kickstarter

I know I have two digital rewards to finish, I have been working on them, they will be posted by the end of this month. 

I am also going to start ordering the stuff to send out to people, getting the bookmarks, magnets, posters, and other goodies ready while the book is being edited. I can happily report the first few chapters have been looked at, though I have not yet had a chance to check the edits, which is why I haven’t shared snippets yet. 

It didn’t help that one of the rewards got corrupted when my computer updated in the middle of a save. Anyways, I’m excited! So bloody excited! 

Converging Lives

I will hopefully be returning to updating my @converginglives blog this week, I miss being able to post stuff there plus I still have the Spring 2019 A to Z Event to finish. 

I am also working on an actual website for it, which will have pretty much everything from the tumblr blog but in an organized method as I am tired of arguing with tumblr about it when making sure it’s in website format. 

Fanfic

Seeking is DONE - again. This time I emailed myself the file as well as typing it in google docs. Then of course docs didn’t have the problems it had last time. After 18 months of not being able to work on it, my muse finally got on the game. I’m so bloody pleased with that. I posted one chapter tonight, next Monday I will post the last chapter. 

I plan on posting the last chapter of Challenge Accepted on Wednesday as it’s done and I just need post it. 

I’m planning on working on Advent, Playful Stress Relief, Blessed, and Learning to Live. Why those ones? 

Advent is rough drafted out, might as well finish it. Besides, I don’t like the fact my lovely and fluff filled thing is still stuck in limbo. 

Playful Stress Relief is nearly done, I think editing was all I had left on that particular last chapter to finish it, though don’t quote me. It’s been awhile since I checked it. 

Blessed is calling me, though only lightly, and I’m not even sure there are peeps waiting for it, but hey whatevers. 

Learning to Live got a lovely comment which made me smile, in the height of a massive episode. I am updating it for that person, hopefully it will let me get on a roll and finish my oldest fanfic. 

You wanna see one of the other ones updated? Leave a comment on it, not just a “update please” but something you like, or a question, or even a smile face. Update please doesn’t encourage me, but pretty much everything else does. 

Cosmos Market

This is still being worked on, for those who don’t know what the market is, here is a link to the last post made on it. I’ll probably be updating it sometime in the near future, but at this moment that is a pretty good definition of it. 

I want -- need -- to get the market off the ground so I can stop needing to ask for help as I will have at least a small and stable income going. 

I’m not planning on making a lot off of it, just enough to pay my base bills, which will not put me out of the poverty line. I do expect it to be a success, however I plan on putting money into my employees and building instead. My sister being one of those employees in order to help her stop needing to ask for help as well since she’s been struggling to find a job. 

The market isn’t the only thing on the planner for business, it’s just the one I am focused on right this moment, though I have been eyeing my second rather heavily lately too, as it would be a much more passive situation for me to deal with. 

Disability

A lot of you know that I’ve applied for it in the past and was turned down as “disabled but not disabled enough”. I have reapplied for it. Why? Because I am still disabled, and a lot of times, things are worse then they were the last time I applied. 

This time I have been sent to deal with so many new doctors it’s making me want to scream. I don’t deal well with new people. Yet I have to. A lot. It’s frustrating beyond words. Still, if it helps over all, I will do whatever I must. 

It’s seriously my hope to get to the point where I can put it on hold, and only use it when I have a really bad flare up. Yes, things have been closer to stable since I got Winston, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t problems going on. I had a depressive spiral that lasted five bloody weeks. Sometimes I was able to force myself to get stuff done, other times I couldn’t even get out of bed because of my mind. It’s hard to be stable with that situation going on. 

Knowing my bills will be dealt with even if I can’t get out of bed would help a great deal. Far more than I really want to admit. At last, that’s the way it goes. 

Links

Rather then put the links in this mess, I will make a post just for them and then add the link to it here for those who want to share it. Any sharing would be appreciated as it helps more than you would imagine. 

I know a lot of people don’t have money, and while money is needed, that is not what I am asking for, all I am asking for is you take the time to share. Just a few seconds, a couple of clicks, can make a world of difference. 

While a lot of the links are about me, not all of them are as I also put up links to others who have helped me and friends who are in different tight situations. I’m a firm believer in paying it forward in any way possible. 

Link to Links

Previous Updates

5/1/19 & 5/3/19 

4/24/19

3/9/19 & Links

3/1/19

2/14/19

1/24/19

1/16/19

1/5/19

12/27/17 & 12/28/18

12/22/18

12/19/18

12/6/18 & 12/8/18

[craniumculverin]

next rough draft i have done of the rosa/wes/percy story! always fun to try and figure out the most in-character interactions for @donc-desole‘s boys.

Wesley & Rosalind Walk in the Park (and Percy too)

• rare clear sunny day quite some time after the party, wes decides to go to the parks - flowers are still out, he’s done with violin practice, plus he knows percy would approve of him getting out for a walk

• has his coachman drop him off, allows him to attend to a few errands since wes doesn’t plan to rush - left with no one waiting for him/a quick way to leave

• walks the paths for a while, park isn’t overly crowded and not a lot of children being loud, people aren’t in the way, etc. - actually enjoys himself

• near flower gardens wes and rosa see each other, can’t talk cus too far away and across a garden bed - rosa waves and starts coming over, wes isn’t as antsy as he could be since he enjoyed their last conversation and heads her way as well

• it’s only once they’ve almost met that wes remembers how he’d left the party, gets super anxious really fast - rosa is happy to see him again and says as much, wes is awkward and jumbles his words

• rosa sets him at ease by not bringing up the party immediately, they walk and talk, picking up on their previous conversation - music, composers, etc.

• eventually they get to the topic of the party, rosa talks about what happened after wes and harry left instead of events leading up to their leaving, aka harry being harry

• shares that not many guests actually heard, but word got around that the host was rightfully told off - wes is surprised, asks if this is true, rosa confirms, sharing that she heard the host say as much herself

• wes moves on trying to apologize for how things went, rosa brushes it off - he can’t control another person’s actions nor should consider himself responsible for them, especially for a man like harry - she gets that their friendship isn’t typical and rather unbalanced - wes feels more at ease

• they discuss harry, how he and wes came to be friends, wes shares all the nonsense he’s had to suffer because of him - after a while rosa sees the topic is going badly, points out a bunch of positives harry has brought about from wes’ examples - wes is indignant about being corrected but sees her point, goes quiet for a little bit as he thinks

• wes considers sharing how he lost his finger, figuring it was harry that set that string of events in motion, but hesitates - she hasn't seemed to notice it's missing, socially awkward thing to just bring up, etc.

• rosa takes the lull in conversation to change the topic to something lighter, how glad she is to have gotten out alone on such a nice day - wes realizes she was completely alone, asks after that - successful distraction on rosa’s part

• rosa shares she lives at her family’s london estate, where her mother’s currently staying - rosa almost never can leave without either her mother or a chaperone coming with her, which isn’t always bad but she’d rather have a choice

• rosa then asks after wes’s home life before immediately apologizing if that was too forward - wes is a bit nervous to answer given the sad state of things, but vaguely shares nonetheless - he doesn’t get the sense rosa’s trying to judge him, which isn't how he usually operates

• they’ve made it to an open area with trees and fewer people, still talking when wes sees percy reading under a tree - he falters and stares long enough for rosa to notice, following his line of sight

• rosa asks if wes knows the man, wes confirms and shares it’s his doctor - he’s gotten very conscious of having a woman on his arm now more than ever for some reason, says they should leave percy alone out of panic

• but percy hears his name (dr. hewlett) said in a familiar voice and looks up to see them and smiles - wes grimaces, rosa smiles, they walk over to percy’s spot as he stands

• percy greets wes before asking after rosa, wes is too much a mess to say anything real but rosa introduces herself without missing a beat (basically everything about this meeting is between percy and rosa cus wes is too awkward to actually do his part in introductions)

• rosa asks if percy would like to walk with them for a while, wes immediately starts stammering in the negative but percy, ever eager to observe wes and curious about rosa, agrees and retrieves his things - wes doesn't know how to feel or what to do but he's very uncomfortable

• they walk for a ways in silence before rosa asks what percy had been reading, to which percy answers - rosa has some interest and knowledge of the subject and the two easily fall into discussion with wes silently between them, still uneasy but slowly realizing it's alright, even pleasant

• at some point percy makes a passing mention of wes bringing her up to him which rosa asks after, instead of answering percy deflects it off to wes to bring him in/see how he reacts

• wes nervously mentions that he sees percy often, rosa is instantly worried and asks if he's in good health, to which he manages to say yes, they just talk on occasion outside of appointments

• amused at wes' reactions, percy chimes in to make it more understandable/believable, rosa seems relieved and says she's glad wes isn't ill - wes is taken aback by how genuine she is, percy takes note

• for a time percy and rosa discuss various topics of interest while wes listens, occasionally drawn in by one or both of them to comment, rarely of his own accord but not forcefully

• eventually wes and rosa start talking about music again, to which percy listens and observes the two interact - they reach one of the park's exits where rosa and wes' respective carriages are waiting

• wes is surprised to see his and at how much time has apparently passed, rosa laughs and agrees on the time, that good company can make it fly, to which percy agrees while making a point to look at wes - wes blushes which percy notices but rosa somehow doesn't

• saying she should be on her way, she asks after percy, if he plans to stay or would like a ride somewhere - wes is appalled at a lady offering a man she just met such a thing but doesn't get a word in as percy politely declines, saying he'd like to continue his reading in the park

• they say their goodbyes, rosa expressing thanks to them both for the enjoyable walk, happy to see wes again, to meet percy - wes sorta manages to respond, percy thanks her in turn

• once she's in her coach and leaving, while wes is still watching her go percy looks at him with a sly smile - wes notices, gets angry and goes to tell him off but percy comments on how pleasant a friend he's made, before starting to walk back into the park

• wes is suddenly a mess of emotions he doesn't understand - curious, annoyed, embarrassed, indignant, worried, etc. - and goes after him

• he catches up with percy and they walk for a while before wes asks him his opinion of rosa - percy reiterates that she's pleasant, also that she's well-read and insightful - wes isn't satisfied with the answer but doesn't know why, so continues to press

• percy turns the questions back on him, asks what wes thinks of her - wes responds as societally expected, falls silent for a time, then quietly and offhandedly comments on how easy she is to talk to

• percy agrees, fully understanding how much that means coming from wes - he'd already decided to promote wes interacting with her, but is now even more certain that he'd like to see what comes of it

• he asks wes if he'd like to join him but wes declines cus he actually has somewhere to be for once and isn't just making excuses - they part ways, percy back to his tree and wes to his coach, both lost in thought

• end

[pinksnowboots]

Sour Grapes, Chapter 3/?

Fandom: Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn

Pairings: Shinon/Gatrie

Summary: Shinon runs away from all his problems, but, as problems tend to do, they all come back to find him.

This one is very Shinon-centric, so if you were hoping for more Gatrie...I apologize, BUT this is getting me one step closer to the end, which I promise has plenty of Gatrie!

(Also I meant to post this in time for @telliusweek2017, but as usual, I’m a little late. Whoops.)

Also read on AO3

Shinon wakes up the next morning, hair tangled, breath stale, and head pounding.

And more importantly, he wakes up in an alleyway, alone.

It’s been a long time since he’s been able to consistently drink enough to forget what happens while he’s drunk, so the previous night bursts behind his eyes in full technicolor.

“Shit.” Shinon curses as he flings an arm over his eyes, trying to pretend for just five more minutes that things are ok.

He only makes it two minutes before getting restless, so he mentally squares his shoulder and pushes himself up.

“Well, this has got to be a new record for rock bottom.” He mumbles to himself, as he sets off, with no idea where he’s going. 

Looking for work as a pair of guildless mercenaries is hard enough, but it’s nothing compared to looking for work as a single guildless mercenary who just happens to have no money, no possessions, and a terrible tendency to alienate the people around him.

Still, after dragging himself from tavern to tavern and loitering in the hopes of getting a lead on a job, he finally finds someone who needs hands quickly, and doesn’t look twice at the fact that Shinon is a mess. The pay is terrible, and the bow they give him is worthless compared to what he’s used to, but it gives him something to do.

It turns out that he’s basically getting paid to get involved in a turf war between two groups of small-time bandits. It’s exactly the kind of job he would have passed over when traveling with Gatrie, because it’s messy and dangerous and not all that moral, but one of Shinon’s strengths and weaknesses is his lax moral standards. Morals don’t pay for a room and a pint of ale, but roughing it with bandits pays for at least a bed, and they give him disgusting home-brewed mead for free after it becomes clear that he’s the most talented of the bunch.

They run the other group of bandits off fairly quickly, but the fact that Shinon is a tier above the rest of the bandits ensures that he gets another job. And another, and another, and eventually he’s able to jump from bandits to slightly more professional mercenary groups. Their morals are just as loose as bandits, but they dress better and their booze is much more palatable.

The jobs start getting better paid too, and Shinon is able to buy a bow that’s at least slightly better. More importantly, he’s able to buy strong enough alcohol to distract him from his occasional pangs of loneliness, to banish his visions: of Gatrie, mostly, but also of Greil, of Rhys and Titania, even of little Rolf.

But those visions are useless, and he chases them away with alcohol while also chasing away anyone who might have thought to befriend him.

Eventually his jobs shift from acting as extra manpower for bandit turf wars to things that seem a little bigger, more well-funded, and more politically motivated. Shinon’s policy is that as long as he’s getting paid, he doesn’t ask questions, but he can’t help but wonder idly what exactly is happening to Tellius.

The strangest is when he gets hired by a crew that is half Daein soldiers and half Ravens. It’s something that he would have never guessed he’d see, Daein and Kilvas working together, especially since the average citizen of Daein tended to hate laguz as much as Shinon did, or more.

Still, who he was working with and why fell under the “Don’t ask questions as long as you get paid” category, even if it involved laguz. At the very least they were birds, and Shinon felt a little bit of comfort knowing that if it came down to him against the ravens, the odds were in his favor as long as he could get the first shot off.

Or at least that’s what he thought before seeing them in action. Sure, if he got the first shot off, he could take most of them down, but if they got to him first, he was toast. In a one-on-one battle, the odds would be about even, depending on who was faster. Unfortunately, of all the laguz, the birds were some of the fastest.

If Gatrie were still here, there’d be no question of who would win.

The thought pops uninvited into his head, and he tries to shoo it away with a twinge of annoyance. It was frustrating enough already that he missed the big oaf, and he didn’t need to be reminded that from a purely strategic standpoint, it was better to have Gatrie around than not.

Luckily, the battle started, and as soon as the first enemy moved into range, Shinon shifted into the altered headspace that he only found during a battle, with all other irrelevant thoughts-of laguz, of feelings, of Gatie-drifting easily away.

Was it ironic to feel most at peace in the middle of war? Probably, but that was just another irrelevant thought that didn’t last long, quickly subsumed by the rhythmic sequence of aim, pull, fire, reload, aim...

Right in the midst of reloading his bow, Shinon’s focus became momentarily and violently shaken when he saw a familiar looking figure coming into view, a little behind the stumbling soldier who he had just clipped with his arrow.

Just like Ike, charging into battle first, with no thought of how fucked his little band would be if he was cut down.

The thought, and the accompanying spike of disdain were so automatic that it took Shinon’s mind a second to pause and catch on.

Wait, Ike?

Goddess damnit.

It made sense, in a karmic way. He’d abandoned Ike’s mercenaries, and run away from Gatrie, and now at least one of the people he’d left was coming back to get him.

It made sense logically too. If the continent was really getting embroiled in a proper war, Ike was just stupid and noble enough to get himself at the center of it.

Practically speaking, nothing changed. Ike was there, but he was on the other side, and well, this is what he’d always idly imagined would happen anyway, wasn’t it? One of them would end up dying, maybe by the other’s hand.

As satisfying as it would be to be the one to put an arrow in the kid, Shinon valued self-preservation over self-satisfaction, and fighting Ike would probably be more skewed in Ike’s favor than Shinon would like to deal with, especially with his concentration already shot to hell.

So when Ike headed away from him, still oblivious to Shinon’s presence on the battlefield, Shinon breathed a sigh of relief

It didn’t last long though, because behind Ike came the rest of the motley crew; almost everyone he recognized, and some people he didn’t. It figured that Ike would keep picking up strays along the way.

But among the unfamiliar faces, Shinon picked out a flash of familiar armor.

Gatrie.

Gatrie wasn’t supposed to be with them. He’d left the group when Shinon had, following him without question, but now here he was, and the sight struck Shinon dumb, unable to move.

Shinon had known what being a mercenary was about, and had embraced it. With the exception of a few of the younger members, he had considered the possibility that he would have to fight against every one of his comrades, and had found that if it came down to it, he would have very little trouble choosing his life over any of theirs.

Except Gatrie. No matter how hard he had though, he had never truly considered that he and Gatrie might someday be on opposite sides. It was simply inconceivable, as much of a violation of the way the world worked as a river flowing upstream.

Luckily, Gatrie didn’t appear to see Shinon, and for the first time, Shinon thanked the goddess for the fact that Gatrie’s armor severely limited his peripheral vision.

Unluckily, as he was standing there gaping, the little cluster of healers and archers at the back seem to have noticed him, and before he knew it two broke away from the group and made a beeline straight for him. A redhaired man in priest’s robes-Rhys, Shinon deduced-tried to call them back. The girl, who was almost certainly Mist, hesitated for a moment before eventually returning when Shinon raised his bow in her direction, but the boy ignored his calls and continued heading towards Shinon.

Shinon didn’t need to wait until he came closer to know that it had to be Rolf.

“Shinon?” The boy called out in disbelief, completely oblivious to the fact that yelling on a battlefield when you’ve just broken away from the main body of your allies is an incredibly stupid thing to do.

“Rolf...” Shinon began, a lecture automatically forming in his head.

“Shinon!” Rolf yelled, cutting him off as he reached Shinon. “It really is you!”

The lecture died behind Shinon’s lips at the genuine happiness in Rolf’s voice.

“Look at you. You’ve grown so much.” Shinon found himself saying, noting that Rolf had grown a few inches in the months that he’d left. “You actually look like an archer.”

“Really?” Rolf says, as bashful and delighted as he always was at receiving a compliment from Shinon.

“ You always did have what it takes.” Shinon tells him. “It's just like I told you--you train the right way, and you'll surpass both your brothers.”

Not that your brothers set a particularly high bar. He add silently.

“I had a good teacher.” Rolf says, still beaming.

“Yeah, you did.” Shinon says, unable to suppress a little smile. He never planned on teaching anyone, but Rolf had a raw talent that deserved to be nurtured, and more importantly, an enthusiasm that wore even Shinon down eventually.

“You haven’t told anyone else about that, have you?” Shinon adds. Just because Rolf’s childish joy turned him into a little bit of a sap didn’t mean he was ok with anyone else knowing about it.

“Nope. Never said a word.” Rolf shakes his head, earnestly. “I keep my promises.”

“Good man.”

Rolf laughs, caught off-guard at being addressed as a man, before his delight changes to worry. “Um...Shinon?”

“What?”

“Are you...” Rolf hesitates. “With the enemy?”

Shinon answers quickly, because it’s the only way he can get it out without revealing any of the pesky emotions he feels poking at him. “Yep.”

Rolf’s face falls, a complete contrast to his delight at first seeing Shinon, and Shinon sees his lip start to tremble.

“Stop that.” Shinon tells him. “I told you that things like this happen.” Did you forget?”

“But...it’s not...” Rolf is full-on blubbering on the battlefield now, and Shinon is torn between annoyance and discomfort. “It’s...not...fair...”

If he keeps carrying on like this, the kid’s going to get both of them killed, so Shinon hardens his voice to the one that makes the nice girls that Gatrie likes glare at him.

“Ready your bow. It's time for the pupil to face his master.”

Rolf looks at him, uncomprehending.

“I mean it kid.” Shinon raises his bow for emphasis, but doesn’t truly draw it yet. “You better fight me or get out of here, and you have about ten seconds to choose.”

Rolf looks at Shinon, then looks at his own bow, and finally heads back towards the army. He glances back at Shinon every few seconds as if expecting to be shot in the back, but he doesn’t need to worry. Rolf may very well die today, but Shinon would rather not be the one to deal the blow.

The battle is a hard one for both sides, and although most of Ike’s company must know that he’s here by now, for the most part he’s shooting at people he doesn’t know.

But then eventually, Ike comes into view.

Shinon gets off two arrows before Ike gets close enough to counterattack, but he’s been off the whole battle, and neither of them are lethal blows. Although, Shinon notes with vindictive pleasure, they force Ike to start favoring his left leg.

Shinon’s played this battle out in his head dozens of times, and he knows that in close quarters Ike always wins. Ike’s probably going to win this time, if it’s a fair fight.

“Look, it’s little Ike!” Shinon calls, taunting. The only way he’s going to win is by throwing Ike off his game, and the two arrows helped, but it can’t hurt to try to shake him mentally too.

The best method would be to put an arrow or two in Soren, but unfortunately, for once Soren is not trailing behind Ike like a shadow.

“I always knew it would come to this, Ike.” Shinon says as Ike comes into range, drawing another arrow as he speaks.

“Shinon...” Ike says, and Shinon sees that despite everything, Ike would like to forgive him, and the fact fills him with anger.

“Watch yourself!” He snaps, and fires, this time hitting Ike in the arm.

The pain snaps Ike out of whatever sappy fantasy he had of convincing Shinon to join Ike’s little fanclub mercenary band, and he charges.

Shinon does his best, but he’s not good in close quarters, and it’s over embarrassingly quickly as Ike, who at the very least is bleeding from several arrow wounds, lands a solid blow on Shinon’s left side that brings him to the ground.

“Curses...” Shinon grits out, instinctively clutching at the wound.

“Don’t move.” Ike is standing over him, but he doesn’t deliver the final blow. “You’ll tear the wound wide open.”

“What...” Shinon grunts. “Are you planning? Do it now. Finish me.”

Ike says nothing, just looks at him in...contemplation? Pity? Disgust?

“Ha,” Shinon barks out a laugh, which sends a wave of pain through his side. “Idiot...”

Shinon isn’t sure what happens after that, because he starts to drift in and out of consciousness, and in his half-conscious state, he registers that Ike is no longer there.

His thoughts are drifting in and out of coherence as well, half-formed thoughts meshing with wordless pain and slivers of emotions he couldn’t identify if he tried.

...stupid...stupid way to live...stupider way to die...

...fuckup. just like...

...hope Rolf...didn’t...

...at least...wasn’t...Gatrie...

Shinon comes completely back to consciousness some time later, surprised to see Rhys and Ike standing over him rather than...whatever might happen to good-for-nothing snipers who get themselves killed in battle.

“Shinon.” Ike starts.

“Ha!” Shinon cuts him off, still half-delirious. “I can't believe that the one who defeats me is little lord Ikie. Looks like I've lost my edge. I'm ready, boy. Go on. Finish what you started.”

Rhys looks at Ike, who nods, signalling that Rhys can leave, taking what looks like a mend staff and an empty vulnerary with him.

Ike turns back to Shinon. “Come back to the company.”

“I don’t think so.”

“You've never liked me. As far back as I can remember, you have never liked me.” Ike says, and it’s not a question, just a fact.

"That’s right.” Shinon confirms, because he’s already almost dead, so there’s no harm in digging his own grave when he’s already lying in it. “Still don’t.”

“You called me a weakling.” Ike continues. “Said I was nothing without the help of my father. That's what you said, right? That's why you hated me.”

Honestly, at this point Shinon doesn’t even remember why he started to hate Ike, but the fact that Ike seems to want his approval even now isn’t helping his case. Gatrie and Rolf aside, Shinon finds earnest people distasteful.

“Sounds like me.” Shinon hedges, because it’s a lot easier to say than I was half-way in love with your father and I resented you for having his love and living when he died and not being the failure that I wanted you to be. “Don't you get it?” Ike says, looking at Shinon like he’s stupid. “I just beat you. So your reasons don't hold water anymore, do they?”

Shinon’s reasons never really held water, but Ike doesn’t need to know that.

“Pah! It's enough you beat me, now you gotta talk me to death?”

Ike sighs. “I'll say it once more. Come back to the company. I acknowledge your abilities. As commander, I want you with us.”

Honestly, it’s starting to look like a tempting prospect, especially considering the other choice is bleeding to death on the battlefield.

Well, maybe not quite bleeding to death, because it seems like Rhys might have healed the worst of his wounds. But still, it would involve laying around with corpses and then starting again from scratch as a lone mercenary, and the Greil Mercenaries (or had they officially become the Ike Mercenaries by this point?) had tents and food and probably booze, and even though most of them surely hated his guts, at least Gatrie and Rolf would probably forgive him. Eventually.

“Let's have another go around.” Shinon says, wincing as he pushes himself to his feet. “I win, and I'm commander. Agreed?”

Ike looks at him, incredulous.

“Agreed?” Shinon repeats. Of course he’s going to lose, and he wouldn’t even want to be commander if there were a chance of it. But he’ll be damned if he admits that he’s crawling back to the Ike Fan Club Mercenaries with his tail between his legs, so he’s got to put up at least a token fight.

Finally Ike gets with the program, nodding. “I win, and you fall in line. Agreed?”

Shinon nods. He has no intention of docilely ‘falling in line,’ but at the very least he won’t storm off or try to kill Ike again, and that’s pretty much what Ike wants anyway.

“Don’t worry.” Shinon says, cocky to the last. “I’ll make it quick.”

Shinon does make it quick, landing few token arrows on Ike’s armor and then going down immediately as soon as Ike’s sword makes contact with his armor. Sure, Shinon hates losing, but he hates flesh wounds even more.

“I yield.” Shinon holds his hands up, and Ike takes one of them, pulling him to his feet.

“Welcome back.” Ike says, and he seems to mean it.

“Yeah yeah.” Shinon says. “Now, where can I find the booze?”

Coming back to the Greil Mercenaries (turns out they hadn’t changed the name to Ike’s Massive Fucking Fanclub. Yet.) was not the most pleasant experience Shinon had ever had. But that was to be expected, especially considering he’d basically stormed out in a hissy fit and taken their best knight with him.

Actually, it was refreshing how little had changed. He still didn’t like most of the people there, and they still didn’t like him. Just like it was supposed to be.

Some people expressed happiness at his return, and some of them, like Titania and Rhys, actually meant it. Rolf started crying again and despite his best efforts, Shinon couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty. Being a dick to adults was one thing, but the kid was another.

“Hey,” Shinon told him, patting him awkwardly on the shoulder. “I’m back now kid, quit crying.”

Rolf just sniffled harder and, to Shinon’s surprise, hugged him.

“Hey now, Rolf.” Shinon said, unsure what exactly was happening but uncomfortable with it nonetheless. “Hey, it’s ok.”

When nothing appeared to be working, Shinon leaned down and hissed in Rolf’s ear. “Quite crying and let go of me and I’ll make you a new bow.”

Immediately, Rolf jumped off of him and smiled. “Thank you Uncle Shinon!”

“Yeah yeah, now scram. You don’t want to be hanging around bad influences like me.”

Rolf headed back towards his brothers’ tent, still smiling.

“And don’t call me Uncle!” Shinon called after him.

Some people were not quite as happy to see him again, like Boyd, who pulled a face as soon as he saw Shinon walk into camp. Or Soren, who seemed personally offended that Ike had let Shinon back into the fold.

“Thought you got rid of me, did you?” Shinon taunted after being glared at by Soren. Soren glaring was not a rare occurrence, but neither was Shinon being needlessly rude, and picking at Soren was a habit that had been suppressed for far too long.

"I had hoped so.” Soren responded, icily. “But I suppose Ike knows best.”

“Ike knows best.” Shinon mimicked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Shinon had expected the reunion with Gatrie but be the hardest given the circumstances of their parting. He had even steeled himself to try to attempt an apology, although he probably wouldn’t be able to actually explain what exactly he was apologizing for.

As it turned out, he hadn’t needed to worry, because as soon as he sees Shinon, Gatrie pulls him into a tight hug.

“You’re back.” Gatrie says, sounding like he still can’t dare to believe it. “Thank the goddess.”

“You’re not mad?” Shinon asks, confused.

“I was mad.” Gatrie says. “I was furious, and sad, and then mad again. But I got over that while you were gone. Now I’m just glad that you’re back.”

Gatrie held Shinon at arms length, looking him up and down as if to make sure that he was all in one piece, eyes catching on the bandages covering the wounds Ike had inflicted on him during the last battle. Shinon, suddenly uncomfortable under the scrutiny, batted Gatrie’s hands away.

Gatrie, seemingly unflappable as always, just laughed giddily and pulled him into another embrace.

“Just...don’t do it again.” Gatrie says quietly, the vibrations of his voice seeming to echo in Shinon’s chest. “If you disappear again, I will be mad. And I won’t get over it.”

“I won’t.” Shinon accidentally promises, overwhelmed by the fact that he’s suddenly surrounded by Gatrie’s scent, and by the realization that the smell he always associated with the Greil Mercenaries, with the closest thing to family and home he’s ever had, was actually the smell of Gatrie.

Well, when he was with the Greil Mercenaries, Gatrie was almost always by his side, so it was reasonable that he would get the smell of home and the smell of Gatrie a little mixed up sometimes.

Or perhaps they weren’t two different things at all. But that was a thought Shinon was definitely not ready to examine yet.

Just like that, things returned to normal, or as normal as things could be with the fact that they had in fact kissed hanging in the air between them, conspicuously ignored by both parties involved.

But it was fine, really. Sure, there was a war going, and Shinon was on, if not the right side, at least on the side that was comfortable and familiar, with Gatrie beside him again. For now, it was enough.

It was enough, because it had to be. Shinon did not deserve even this much, and he did not dare ask for more, even in the privacy of his own head, because people like Shinon rarely get what they deserve, and even more rarely get what they want. So it was enough.

[justemotionalabusethings]

What is your abuse story? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. I know it's a sensitive topic for people.

This is gonna be a huge post (I’ll break up the paragraphs so that it’s less overwhelming to look at/read) so it’s under the cut

Okay before my parents even come into the story, there is a brief cocsa story. When I was in kindergarten, there was this boy on my bus in third grade, we’ll call him B. B was one of those “cool kids” (maybe because he was older?) but also he was one of those kids who was loud and annoying. well he started to try to befriend me and he was a bad influence. we used to sit on the bus seats with out backs where our butts would be and vice versa so our legs were sticking up past the seat. we used to crouch in the foot space where your feet or backpack should go. 

we switched seats (that wasn’t allowed). well this kid B also told me a bunch of things, like that I was “hot” and “sexy”. naturally, as a six year old, i didn’t know what the hell that meant but i figured it was good. then one day, he asked if he could touch me down there and i’m pretty sure i was hesitant at first, but then i let him. i still remember what it felt like. im not sure how long passed, or if any time passed, but he asked me again, and i said no. now, this happened toward the end of the school year and in the school i was in third grade was the oldest so he was “graduating” soon. he used this as a means to convince me, saying “i’m only gonna be here for another few days! pleasssseeee” and eventually i gave in, but i didn’t like it. 

So um I would pinpoint the Beginning of it all with my parents as around the time my brother was born when I was 7 years old. I can remember feeling less important and annoying whenever I would try to help my parents with my brother. Usually, they’d just dismiss me and brush me off. For example, my mom would call my brother cute little nicknames like “oodley boodley” and “bugaboo” and stuff like that, so I caught on and started calling him “oodley boodley”. 

I said it All The Time and I guess it got annoying because they’d tell me to stop (and they still talk about how annoying I would say it and how often it was). That hurt my feelings I guess because I was just trying to be a part of this new “brother” thing (but I see what they meant). But generally things were fine, just different. A couple years later in fourth grade I switched schools because my elementary school went up to third grade and my parents thought I’d learn better in a smaller classroom environment. 

That was hard but not because of my parents. I do remember being worried about my grades and what my parents would think. I also think fourth grade was the year I started to feel unusually anxious. I remember that year I also had some drama happen where I wrote on one of the desks “4A (my class) rocks not 4B (the other class)” and there was this whole drama of who did it. I never got in trouble for it though! By fifth grade I had started to procrastinate my work and I can remember being yelled at for it. 

One time, I forgot my textbook to do some kind of homework or studying that was due the next day. They got so mad at me and lectured/ranted about it for a Long Time. This sort of thing happened a lot because I’d procrastinate projects or studying and they’d get Mad about it. The majority of the abuse (if that’s what this is) was ranting/lecturing for at least an hour where mainly my dad (sometimes my mom would join in) would rant about how “mind-boggling” or “insane” it was that I just didn’t learn from my mistakes or whatever. 

I’d usually cry whenever I’d try to stand up for myself or even just talk to them. The night (because this sort of thing usually happened at night) would end with me in my room crying or just sitting on my bed thinking about what happened. It also became a “joke” that at 10 pm each night I’d come downstairs to talk. So when I came down to talk about something serious my dad would always go “Oh, what time is it? Oh, it’s 10 pm, here’s Meg right on time!” and that would make me feel bad. A lot of the time I would come downstairs during my parents’ designated “TV Time” and I wasn’t allowed to interrupt that. 

If I did, it was annoying and a bother and I was treated like a laundry list. Like, “okay, what else do you want? What else?” and so on. So my concerns weren’t really taken as real or important. This got worse and worse as middle school went on, and I can remember during seventh and maybe eighth grade not wanting to go home. I would cry very often and we’d fight very often too. The times when I’d yell back only escalated the situation and made my dad yell more and tell me that he could feel his blood pressure rising. He’d say that one day he’d die of a heart attack because of me. 

My mom would usually try to mediate or calm my dad down, but she got upset at me for making him get upset. I remember one time in eighth grade, this girl at my school looked out her window and saw a man peering in and she didn’t come to school for a few days. That made me scared to open my window or sleep, and when I told my parents this, they only said “there’s no one out there, you’ll be fine” and made me go back upstairs to sleep. Also during middle school, I started showing a talent for golf, and my parents tried to make me play so I could improve and become a better golfer. 

Golf made me anxious though, and whenever I tried to tell my dad that he said it’s insane to think that someone with a talent would dislike whatever it was they were talented at. He cited examples from his childhood where he was talented at drums and would play as often as possible. I felt like I was a bad person for wasting my talent. I also didn’t have any word to describe how I felt (it was anxiety) so that was even more alienating. 

I did my first competitive tournament and cried the whole time and texted my mom begging her to take me home. She didn’t let me because my golf coach told her that’s what a lot of kids did. I don’t think that was the right choice though. Also throughout middle school I found myself trying to be my teachers’ favorite (not to the extreme of teachers’ pet but more like secretly hoping) for some reason. I think I know why now, but I’m not sure. I think it’s because I wanted some kind of normal adult attachment figure (?) but I’m not sure. 

By high school I was a full-on perfectionist and my grades freshman year reflected that. I got straight A’s. My parents were so proud because I also made High Honors’ Dean’s List. I can imagine that we probably fought a lot that year too, but I don’t have any memories of that. Sophomore year was one of the worst years of my high school years because I started to get depressed. My classes were Much Harder than freshman years’, and I started to do badly in some classes. 

I think I did do well overall, but it was the first time I’d ever not cared when I failed a test. I did worry about what my parents would say though, so I hid the test(s) from them. Sophomore year I also tried to quit the swim team because, again, I had this awful feeling (anxiety, but I didn’t know it then) every time I stepped into the pool room. I told my parents this, and they told my coaches and friends, who convinced me to join again. We fought this year too (lectures/rants, etc.) but I don’t have many explicit memories of that. I also started to be late for school every day, and my second period health class teacher asked my parents during parent-teacher conferences if there was something going on at home. 

My parents were upset at me for making him think that because I was just lazy and needed to get out of bed in the mornings. I started therapy this year too because my parents were worried. I was NOT a fan at all. I resisted so hard and I’m pretty sure my therapist thought that there was something going on at home. She said (and still says) that I was like an extension of my parents, like another limb or something, when she first met me. I would always say “I don’t know” to everything and would tear up in session a lot (even though I thought she couldn’t see that, she did). 

Junior year and the end of sophomore year were really hard because we started to look at colleges and my parents started to get all nervous that we were behind in the college process. I had multiple people telling them otherwise, but they still were very on edge about college. We had to plan the financial stuff, write my college essay, apply for colleges, choose which colleges to apply to, and fine tune all the applications. It was a long process and it caused a lot of fights when I didn’t do it how they wanted me to. 

Again, I procrastinated this stuff, because it made me anxious, and this caused more fighting. I can remember one summer (I think it was the summer before my junior year) we talked about what colleges to apply to and the financials and stuff and since I’m studying psychology I’m gonna have to go to grad school so my parents were talking about the cost of college and grad school and all the debt I’d be in and it really overwhelmed me. I started to go to my room and my dad said something like “So you’re just gonna run away to your room now? Okay.” and my mom eventually let me. 

Also junior year was the year that my advisor/college guidance counselor/swim coach noticed that I was different from previous years and he kept asking if I was okay. My parents didn’t want me to tell him or my other swim coach about my therapy or anxiety (I didn’t think I had depression at this point). By the end of junior year I had my first draft of my college essay written, and it was a letter to my parents talking about my anxiety and trying to make them see things how I saw them. 

Eventually, I changed my essay senior year after I re-read it and had a huge “yikes” moment. Senior year was rough because my “friends” started to be even more bitchy towards me (I won’t get into that but long story short they were NOT my friends and they contributed negatively to my mental health). I finally quit the swim team senior year (my parents were disappointed because they enjoyed watching me swim and going to meets, and they wanted to see what my coaches would say about me at the end of the year during the “honoring the seniors” part of the last home meet). 

By junior and senior year, my parents and I’s fighting got less bad because of therapy, but we had our bad moments. This time, it wasn’t huge blowup fights with crying and yelling, it was passive aggressive comments that would make me feel like shit. By the spring of senior year everything was happy and much better because I was graduating and I saw my idol in NYC in a play. I actually invited my mom to see it with me and she said no because she had no interest and thought I just wanted her to pay for my ticket. 

That made me feel awful. And, she also made me feel like shit for spending the money and going to the play after that. I had a project due soon after and she told me that my project looked “half-assed” because I went to the play. Then freshman year of college things were okay. They were Much Better because I was away from home, but a few things happened during the year. I got a tattoo (a semicolon on my left wrist) and I told my parents and they were upset and my mom said she was embarrassed. 

She didn’t want my brother to know because then he’d tell his friends and people would know. I eventually told him and they changed their minds about telling him so it was better, but that still hurt. I also went to NYC with some friends they didn’t like for spring break instead of to the beach (and it was freezing cold during spring break) with my college friends. They flipped out and told me how disappointed they were and that “how could I not see I was making the wrong decision??”. 

So overall, things have gotten better but I don’t think this is very normal. Thanks if you’ve read the whole thing, I know that was long as hell. I also still don’t know if this is considered abusive, but this is my story no matter what. 

[jodyedgarus]

25 Years Of Super Bowl Halftime Show Lineups, Ranked

On Sunday, tens of thousands of rabid football fans will descend upon Atlanta for Super Bowl LIII. They will consume lots of alcohol. They will paint their faces. They will scream and howl as the Patriots and Rams engage in brutal 22-man warfare with the highest possible stakes. Oh, and about two hours into this, they will all pause everything to watch a 12-minute Maroon 5 concert.

The Super Bowl halftime show has become the spectacle within the spectacle. It used to be filler entertainment while the players hydrated and tended to their wounds. Now it serves a higher purpose. It is about world peace, joy, introspection and even grief. It’s also sometimes about giant metallic lion puppets and dancing sharks.

How are we to interpret these hopelessly silly, desperately hopeful rituals? By ranking them, of course. At FiveThirtyEight, we don’t have the technology to make slideshows, but we do have math and a history of applying convoluted methodologies to questions that don’t really need answers. So let’s get started.

Methodology

First, we need to manage expectations: We are not ranking halftime performances, rather the sheer star power that the NFL assembled on stage each year. We’ll talk about how the shows went, but only in relation to their artists’ success on the Billboard Hot 100 chart before the Super Bowl. Our methodology favors shows with many artists because they’re more likely to excite an audience diverse in age and musical interests. Purists may have enjoyed the simplicity of seeing The Who perform without any interlopers in 2010, but anyone who wasn’t excited by a few 60-something British rockers playing their decades-old hits was left with bupkis.

We chose Michael Jackson’s 1993 halftime appearance as the starting point for our analysis. His performance — widely considered one of the best — is the beginning of the modern halftime show. Viewer ratings for the 1993 show exceeded ratings for the actual game, and a blueprint was formed for years ahead. To get a sense of how MJ changed the game, note that the previous year’s show included a salute to the 1992 Winter Olympics and a bunch of kids performing a rap arrangement of “Frosty the Snowman.”

To measure the success of the featured artists — excluding cameos from the likes of Jessica Simpson, who kicked off the 2004 show by asking the audience to “choose to party” — we created a metric called Performer Points. Our methodology for calculating these points is simple:

Artists are assigned points for each of their songs to make the Billboard Hot 100 list since the list began in August 1958.

A song appearing at No. 1 is worth 100 points.

A song at No. 100 is worth 1 point.

We count each week separately, so songs rack up points for staying on the chart.

Performers listed as the main artist on a track get full credit.

Featured artists or guest vocalists get only one-third of the song’s points.1

Performers get one-third of the points from their former band’s hits. That means Paul McCartney gets only a small boost from hits by the Beatles. The weights compound, so if an artist’s former band was merely featured on a song, the artist gets one-ninth of the song’s points.2

If any of that seems confusing, let’s look at an example featuring one of this year’s performers, Atlanta rapper Big Boi.

When we add up all the points, we can see how successful the artists were for every Super Bowl. Here’s what that looks like for the 2019 halftime performers.

Super Bowl LIII nets a respectable 65,065 total Performer Points. That’s seventh on our list of best Super Bowl lineups since 1993. We’ll see whether that translates to a memorable show on Sunday, but the past five years could give us a sense of whether our methodology has any predictive power.

  Rankings

It’s easy to dunk on the Black Eyed Peas, and their uninspiring halftime show in 2011 didn’t make it any harder. Fergie, will.i.am, Taboo (!) and apl.de.ap (!!) closed out their headlining set with “Where Is the Love?” on a giant stage shaped like, you guessed it, the word “Love.” The only problem was that part of the letter “v” was literally missing. Now at least we have some data to back up what everyone was thinking the next day: Usher should have headlined. By 2011, he had already reached Billboard’s top 103 with 14 tracks, including classics such as “My Boo” and “U Remind Me.” Usher went into the halftime show with almost twice as many Performer Points as the Peas, and though he performed one of his weaker hits, “OMG,” he still managed to hit every cue, leaping over will.i.am’s head and into our hearts.

I have a confession: I’ve always thought of the 2012 halftime show as “the one with Nicki Minaj.” Looking at the chart, it’s clear there’s recency bias at work — Minaj has become unavoidable since 2012. But at the time of the Super Bowl, her only top 10 hit4 was “Super Bass.” Madonna, on the other hand, stands on top of our individual power rankings with more than 59,000 Performer Points, thanks to her trove of hits dating back to the 1980s. Credit to Madge for almost single-handedly dragging this riot of grecian beefcakes and vogueing into the top five — Katy Perry and Lady Gaga could never.

I’m glad to see our formula isn’t totally set on picking shows from the past 10 years. The “Salute to Motown’s 40th Anniversary” in 1998 had all the intergenerational appeal that Madonna’s show was supposed to capture. The choreography seems a little hokey by today’s standards, but I could listen to this medley all day. Queen Latifah brings it, The Temptations sound fantastic, Boyz II Men gets a solid ballad in, Smokey covers all the old bases and Martha Reeves is so harmlessly, indescribably awful that you can’t help but smile knowing that social media didn’t exist back then.5

Super Bowl L — er, 50 — was billed as Coldplay’s performance, but the NFL let halftime show veterans Beyoncé and Bruno Mars “crash” it. This was a blessing for anyone not named Chris Martin. Both guest stars had more Performer Points than Coldplay, and they stomped away with the show. Beyoncé, dressed in a black leather homage to the Black Panthers, debuted6 “Formation” right there on the field and reminded us of just how powerful this 12-minute musical interlude can be.

We didn’t tweak the weights to get Nipplegate this high up, I promise. You can see on the chart why it’s such a good show. Janet Jackson was an appropriate headline pick, both in length of career and volume of hits. Nelly and P. Diddy were established emissaries from the rap genre, which the Super Bowl has rarely invited on stage. Justin Timberlake had teenybopper loyalty from his *NSYNC days and a new, prurient edge as a solo artist. And Kid Rock was … also there. Of course, nobody remembers anything about this show other than the words “wardrobe malfunction,” and I don’t think any chart could change that, so let’s leave things there.

You may be wondering where your favorite halftime show falls on the list. As we mentioned above, it’s a rough measure of the excitement people might have felt before the show began — Prince may be the best performer ever to take the halftime stage, but if you weren’t a fan, then there wasn’t much to anticipate. On the chart below, you can see how all the artists compare.

All the data we scraped also allows us to answer one final question: Which artists should the Super Bowl reach out to for the 2020 show? Assuming the league is aiming to please a range of viewers, we can grab the top 10 artists by Performer Points for each decade since 1990, as well as from the past two years for the Gen Z audience.

Drafting a Super Bowl halftime show fantasy lineup

Artists with the most Performer Points, by decade

1990-1999 2000-2009 2010-present 2017-present 1 Mariah Carey Nelly Drake Drake 2 Madonna Beyonce Rihanna Post Malone 3 Boyz II Men Ludacris Nicki Minaj Cardi B 4 Whitney Houston Kanye West Taylor Swift Kendrick Lamar 5 Janet Jackson P!nk Bruno Mars Khalid 6 Celine Dion Usher Maroon 5 Ed Sheeran 7 R. Kelly Rihanna Katy Perry Migos 8 TLC 50 Cent Chris Brown Imagine Dragons 9 Elton John Nickelback Lil Wayne Bruno Mars 10 Toni Braxton Alicia Keys Justin Bieber Halsey

Gray text indicates that the artist has already performed at a halftime show, that the artist has died or that a member of the group has died.

Unlike in the rest of the analysis, points earned as a member of a musical group do not count toward an artist’s individual points.

Source: Billboard

Drake would be the biggest get here for the NFL. Starting in May 2009, Drizzy held a spot somewhere on the Hot 100 for 430 weeks straight. Since 2010, he’s amassed 83,898 Performer Points. The closest runner-up in that table is Rihanna, who collected 48,153 points during the same period. If halftime producers haven’t already approached Drake, they’re sleeping on him.

It’s impossible to know who on our list has talked with the NFL. Stars are rarely as open about Super Bowl negotiations as Cardi B was this year, when one of her representatives told Page 6 that “she was not particularly interested in participating because of how she feels about Colin Kaepernick and the whole movement.” (Rihanna also reportedly declined to perform because of her support of Kaepernick.) Taylor Swift, for instance, seems like an obvious candidate. But she has shilled for Coca-Cola — a relationship that could be at risk if she were to perform in the halftime show that Pepsi has sponsored for seven years running.

Whomever the NFL picks next year, the pressure is on. Asking Maroon 5 to headline a show in Atlanta, a city abounding in talented rappers (Big Boi is the only homegrown artist on the bill), resulted in a social media backlash, and a petition with more than 100,000 signatures has urged the band to drop out to demonstrate solidarity with Kaepernick. USA Today even went so far as to publish an obituary for the halftime show as a cultural institution.

That seems a little premature to me. The Super Bowl has evolved before and could do it again. What used to be a variety show writ large, with inscrutable themes,7 Elvis impersonators and card tricks eventually embraced the market-certified success of singers like Michael Jackson and *NSYNC. The collective shrugs following picks like Coldplay, Justin Timberlake and Maroon 5, which has the second most Performer Points of any artist on our list, may herald the end of that era.8 The league has clearly taken note of this year’s controversy, announcing that the pregame press conference with Maroon 5 would not take place so that the artists could focus on their performance. What might come next for the halftime show is anybody’s guess, but one thing’s for certain: Everyone will be watching.

All images courtesy of Getty.

from News About Sports https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/25-years-of-super-bowl-halftime-show-lineups-ranked/

[bitetheroad]

Office Picnic Challange – because I love coming home to an “oh by the way”

Dino has it rough

Picnic panic defense! With us, both being on vacation for two weeks and then Paul had to work in Baltimore right after it’s been a busy catch up with on my end. Paul then reminded me that it as his annual office picnic on Saturday too. So I managed to get into the kitchen and make some of my favorites to being with.  Of course, Dino was hoping I would spend more time with him after his two weeks at Hightail Hotel, than my being in the kitchen while Paul was away – but he got plenty of snuggle time later.

First – the cookie!

Perfect for a picnic as it is for dinner is one of the favorites of his office is the variation to the Black Pepper Biscotti Ifrom Valerie Bertinelli. I have made this a bunch of times and its become a perfect goto not to mention is a great based to change it up from. In today’s version, I made one with chopped walnuts and almonds (because that’s what I have handy). I also used a bit of lemon extract in place of the peel that is mentioned in the previous post since I didn’t have any handy. But go easy on lemon extract, a little goes a long way. The second version is essentially the same but without nuts or almond extract. For this one, I amped up the vanilla, added some powdered ginger and a bit of homemade ginger syrup (see the recipe below). The third version was a Spicey Chocolate Biscotti with dried cherries. This was a made up recipe, so is in draft form but I liked the version enough to bring. I think next time it needs more cayenne (most likely 3/4 tablespoon in total).  Once it gets done I will repost the final version recipe.

Second – the fruit salad

This was an easy one Summer + Picnic+ Fruit Salad. I have been making this cool watermelon chili, but on a recent episode of Sara Moulton I saw this new version that uses Watermelon, Cantaloupe, Feta Cheese, and Procuitto. I have made it now for several potlucks and news this one would be perfect. She adds paprika which gives it this sweet smokey flavor for a different twist. Sara’s version of Two-Melon, Proscuitto and Feta Salad is really good as is. Try it first then change it up for your needs. At times I have swapped in smoked ham slices and or pepperoni in place of the prosciutto. I change up the nuts from time to time.

For this weekend version, I kept it pretty much the same but swapped out 2 tablespoons of olive oil with 2 tablespoons of a local Habanero infused olive oil. You will notice that this shot has a lot of extra marinades. That is on purpose. I like to much that I save it and use it as a salad dressing base or as we did on vacation when I made it. Just add more melons.

As an extra – cold marinated cucumbers and carrots

This is one from my childhood I revamped. its quick and easy to make – tastes better the longer you let it chill. But equally as good with a 30-minute marinade. Unlike the Pickled Carrots and Jalapeños I did before, these require no heating. Just chop, pour, season and chill. This one I eyeball for measurements – eventually, I will try to measure it out. Slice up some 2-3 English cucumbers on an angle, toss in come carrot slices (or buy them already fancy sliced), add 1/2 cup of white vinegar, juice of 1/2 lemon, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, add chopped parsley or cilantro, 1/2 cup of sugar and 7 or 8 ice cubes (1/2 of chilled iced water works too if you are short on time). Mix well and leave in the refrigerator 30 min to overnight. Taste to flavors. You want a tart, sweet, herbed crunch. Most fresh herbs work. As does add sliced raw peppers (hot or sweet), radishes, even celery.

  Ginger Syrup 

Ingredients

Several large pieces of ginger, peeled and rinsed and sliced, approximately 4-6 inched or about a cup sliced.

2/3 cup water

1/3 cup granulated sugar

Directions

In a saucepan – cook the ginger, water, and sugar first to a boil then reduce heat and simmer for 10-12 minutes. Remove from the heat to cool 5-10 min. Once cool, strain out the cooked ginger into a clear glass jar. add a few uncooked peeled pieces of ginger and refrigerate.

Note: If you want some extra zing, add cinnamon sticks or rosemary to the simmer and strain out.

Office Picnic Saturday.. because I love coming home to an "oh by the way" Thank You @SaraMoulton you made it easy #Bitetheroad Office Picnic Challange - because I love coming home to an "oh by the way" Picnic panic defense!

[puclpodcast]

PDL Week 4 Recap

PDL Week 4 Recap

This is the final week before the first bye week and teams are giving it all they have got before a well deserved week of rest.

DEP vs. BAL: 2-0

NWN vs. AUK: 0-4

HEH vs. MIN: 0-3

VAV vs. DCC: 0-4

TOT vs. MIL: 0-3

BFS vs. MID: 0-3

COG vs. ITA: 6-0

SHS vs. LOL: 6-0

SLC vs. JAX: 3-0

NJJ vs. HFW: 0-5

BEN vs. PIP: 3-0

NYY vs. BLP: 3-0

This week the Corsola Cola Division played off against the Rhyhorn Steakhouse and lets just say that Corsola Cola can’t overpower the flavor form the Rhyhorn Steakhouse. With 5 out of the 6 games going in favor of the Rhyhorn Steakhouse division. The same  outcome happened between the Green Tauros division and the Toxapepsi Division. The hooves from Green Tauros stopped the Merciless flavors of Toxapepsi in almost every match. The past 3 weeks have pinned division vs division and those matches overall were closer with the Rhyhorn Steakhouse coming out with the most wins of all the divisions thus far. Is this telling of how things will look for playoffs or is this just week 4 madness stretching across the conference. I guess we will find out soon enough. 

I have to mention how impressed I am with how well teams are adapting to this format and improving already. A bunch of team got their first win, or made strides towards the top of the standings, with now only 3 teams left undefeated. What’s becoming more and more apparent is that the teams that do good prep usually come out on top. There is one match in particular that highlights how useful prep can be when your opponents don’t expect something. That would be the AUK vs NWN game. Sparky! Coached his team through a difficult match up and showed why he is a force to be reckoned with this season. (If you want to see Vileplume, tied for #3 on the MVP leaderboard, sweep a team I recommend checking out the HFW vs. NJJ game.)

AUK Side: DG6G-WWWW-WWWL-B2AY

NWN Side:  AEJG-WWWW-WWWL-R29W

Pick’ems

These are becoming tougher and tougher to pick correctly with the majority of teams this week with only 7 correct. However no one got a perfect week so they do not get mentioned here. The reason for that is because of the 4 Pick ‘em upsets. Despite COG being 3-0 ,at the top of the standings and a previous UUTC winner, the majority of picks 9 went in favor of ITA the most current UUTC winner. While this is not a traditional upset it is one in terms a pick ‘ems. The second one comes at SHS taking down LOL with the same margin 9-4. NYY gets their first win over BLP who came off an upset win last week. Those picks were 10-3 in favor of BLP. Finally there was one person who called the BEN upset over PIP this week. Clearly and match no one saw coming.

Trades

Here are the Trades from week 4 that will be live week 5 after the bye

DCC Tyranitar T1 Free Agent Reuniclus DCC Hitmontop T4 Free Agent Aerodactyl NYY Azumarill T1 Free Agent Tyranitar VAV Rotom-W T1 Free Agent Azumarill VAV Gardevoir T3 Free Agent Meloetta VAV Altaria T5 Free Agent Servine

  DCC after a rough start made some necessary changes to help improve their matchups in weeks to come by adding Aerodactyl and Reuniclus to their roster. Some fancy mon dropping in free agency allowed NYY to drop Azumarill to pick up the Tyranitar that DCC dropped and VAV picked up the Azumarill. VAV also added Meloetta dn servine to their roster which is bound to bring in new energy to the team.

Interview with Hydra

This week I’m joined by (In my opinion, one of the better battlers in PUCL) Hydra.

C9: Thank you Hydra for taking the time to answer these questions for the fans. Being randomly selected for first pick of the draft, how did you feel about?

Hydra: Whenever I see I’ve gotten first pick in a league, there’s always a rush of excitement due to all the options it gives for starting a draft. So, I was definitely happy that I could build a plan that didn’t have to factor being sniped in round 1.

C9: How do you think that impacted your draft, if at all?

Hydra: Due to the way PDL does S-tier picks, there’s a cost associated with picking the usual draft format no-brainers like Tapu Koko or Celesteela, and you can’t just jump on one of those round 1 without consequences. Additionally, the mons I ended up desiring weren’t ones I usually see taken quickly in draft format. As a result, I don’t think it ultimately influenced my draft much.

C9: What are your goals for this season of PDL?

Hydra: I’d ideally like to use all of my Pokemon to their full potential, and with a wider variety of sets. Last season I was using pokemon with more straightforward roles (also there were some Free Agency trades over an awkwardly long period of time,) and as a result there just wasn’t as much variety week to week.

C9: Who are most looking forward to battling this season?  

Hydra: Geo for sure. Going off his record he seems like a strong battler, and we may or may not have had disagreements in the past involving a flying prehistoric pokemon with facial hair.

C9: Is there anyone you are glad you don’t have to face in the regular season?

Hydra: I’d say Thatch. I faced him twice last season, and although I can’t recall if it was bad plays, prep, or just an unfortunate draft matchup, I lost to him both times. So, it’s nice to not have to worry about a third match (at least until a potential comeback in season 3!)

C9: I know I’m not looking forward to our match, week 7, but either way it should be a fun battle.

Hydra: I’m flattered by your dread! But as long as we’re not going to fight twice in a row like we had to in the UUTC, it should be fun. Back-to-back battles aren’t usually a great time, but maybe that’s just me.

C9: Why did you choose the team name, The Norwalk Nosepass?

Hydra: I’m glad you asked- it’s the violently creative combination of my hometown, Norwalk, and a pokemon that possesses my favorite type, Nosepass. Despite both this Connecticut town and gen 3 Pokemon lacking any noteworthy characteristics I can discern, I’ve got a fondness for both of them.

C9: Were there any secret techs that you brought for your matchups that you didn’t get to showcase?

Hydra: There’s surprisingly already been a few. Though I did get to show off Shattered Psyche Serperior (EM Mirror Coat being the base) as a finishing move, it didn’t prove to be the surprise game winner I thought it would be as my opponent didn’t bring the Pokemon it was meant to break through, Amoonguss. I feel like I might end up bringing the other wacky techs again sometime soon, so I’ll keep quiet on those.

C9: Who would you say is the mon you are most excited to use on your team this year?

Hydra: Surprisingly, it’s proven to be Miltank. I wasn’t terribly excited about using it at first, and simply picked it to add some bulk to my draft. But it’s been a very effective and versatile Pokemon, so much so that every week so far I’ve had reason to breed a new set on it. Makes sense considering usable stats for several roles, an expansive movepool, and three good abilities to pick from.

C9: Let’s learn about you as a pokemon Fan. When did you start listening to PUCL?

Hydra: I was really into the VGC15 meta, especially post worlds, and at the time was also expanding the amount of different podcasts I listened to quite a bit. PUCL was the only one I could find that covered the format and competitive battling overall in any meaningful sense, and I’ve been a listener since.

C9: What pokemon generation did you start with?

Hydra: For me, it started back- I mean, right around gen 4. No particularly interesting story to tell, unfortunately. I’d been obsessed with the cards or anime from time to time, and eventually got Pearl upon hearing about from my older brother (but not yet understanding) the wonders this franchise had to offer in video game form.

C9: What is your favorite region?

Hydra: I’d probably go with Hoenn. As far as I remember it has the most diverse locations (and did a lot of them first,) featuring volcanoes, forests, deserts, pillars that touch the sky, and just the right amount of water. Now that I think about it, Alola is probably just as diverse in terms of locations, but it needed multiple islands to get that done so I’ll stick with Hoenn.

C9: Who is your favorite pokemon?

Hydra: Hydreigon! Ever since I first saw it and its incomparably cool typing browsing Serebii while waiting for BW’s American Release, it’s been my favorite. Worth even the absolutely ridiculous grind for level 64 and a 4x weakness resulting from it being too broken in gen 5. Snorlax and Psyduck would be my honorable mentions.

C9: If you had to pick: Attack or Special Attack?

Hydra: I’d go with Special Attack. Intimidate is gross, and moves like Psyshock or Secret Sword mean you can get the best of both worlds going with Special sometimes.

C9: What is your battle style:  Stall/Hyper Offense/Bulky Offense/Balance?

Hydra: I generally lean Hyper Offense, simply because it’s quicker/easier to build for and battle with, which of course means more time for more battles!

C9: Do you prefer Speed or Trick Room?

Hydra: The answer’s probably obvious to anyone who battled me in the UUTC this year, but Trick Room. The setup is convoluted of course and means that you’re often better off going for straight speed in singles, but the payoff is immense when it works. It’s usually my default strategy when trying to figure out a new VGC format as well.

C9: What is your favorite Weather; Hail/Sand/Rain or Sun?

Hydra: Definitely Hail, partly due to it being the underdog of weather conditions for so long and me being a New Englander who doesn’t mind the cold weather. Hail was my favorite playstyle in the previously mentioned VGC15, as Blizzard would largely tear apart CHALK type teams if you had Heatran covered. The new tools it got in gen 7 finally put it on par with the other weather conditions too, so it’s less of an uphill battle to use it now.

C9: Electric/Misty/Grassy or Psychic Terrain?

Hydra: Grassy Terrain! I like Bulu a whole lot, and the effects of Grassy terrain lend themselves better than the other terrains to building defensive cores. Heatran’s another Pokemon I really like, and it can form an impeccable core with Bulu thanks to the three effects of Grassy Terrain that all benefit it.

C9: Favorite status to inflict: Sleep/Freeze/Paralysis/Burn or Poison?

Hydra: Paralysis for me. Even though it only cuts speed by 50% now, that’s still enough to make most things slower than even a lot of your walls, and that 25% chance of total immobility can mean you pulling of all kinds of things you otherwise couldn’t. And of course, I thought that the animation for it looked really neat in Diamond and Pearl.

C9: Have you watched the Pokemon anime? If yes, what is your favorite Theme song?

Hydra: I unfortunately haven’t watched the anime in quite some time, so it’s hard to say. But, I’ve heard that a Patrat goes for a high five but gets left hanging in one of the Black and White theme songs, and that sounds fantastic to me, so I’ll go with that.

C9: Thank you Hydra, for joining us today! We will be back in 2 weeks after the week 5 matches. See ya soon

from PDL Week 4 Recap