#I cant see what im typing im going off of keyboard memory

[miscelliteeous]

I think gnawing on a dilfs rough weathered hands and feeling him rub my gums would help a lot with my wisdom teeth probably.

[tartagliaxx]

hello!! i cant seem to find our last interaction but to be fair it was a whileee ago 💔 ahah hi it’s me, the anon that dropped off the face of the earth 😔 firstly i wanted to clear up a few things! my life has been pretty yucky since we last talked so i went off tumblr for awhile,, got sick, got sucky grades back, changed subjects etc etc. i’m sorry i disappeared like that regardless! i tend to do the whole hibernate into my little wallow of sadness and come back out when i’m finished,,, (a bad habit i need to break) i hope we’re okay! i actually just got back on socials and was surprised to see you mention the band hcs ahah and remembered f u c k i disappeared. tldr: me being a ghost was definitely not your fault and just me tryna figure out my life lol!

idk why spacing is so weird on asks anyway, how’s everything going in your life? are you doing alright? since we last talked i did catch a few glimpses of? maybe you didn’t get childe? i should really catch up on ur blog 😀 if he didn’t come home i’m tying him up and roasting him like a piece of meat on a fire bc w t f man???? rude as fuck not to come home to ur wife 😡🔫🔫 if he d i d come home,, disregard everything i said ☺️ <3 he’s safe,,, for now...

so back to the matter at hand: band hcs. love, please!!! do not force urself to write these 😔 i know u said u got em queued up but i can’t help but feel guilty bc i was definitely meant to throw my two cents in there! *cue me scrambling for my notes* from what i can gather.... *squints at notes* i could see childe as main vocal/on the electric guitar maybe bc i think that’s kinda sexy of him (nothing to do with ed sheeran playing guitar...😳) kaeya i can see as sub vocal/bass guitar - i feel like he wouldn’t be the face of the band but very popular for the vibe he’s got going. benny on the drums because benny on the drums that’s my explanation aaaand old man zhongli on keyboard/sub vocal. that’s what i had ahah probably totally different to yours but tell me your thoughts - i look forward to seeing yours! (note: this was just a boy band of my favs 😔) i just saw another post u had about...something i can’t remember but i had thoughts abt it and will send them in a seperate ask!!

i’m sorry i can’t remember much of what we said last time aaa my memory is horrible but i do remember something abt us watching barbie movies tgt and u perhaps saying that’s cool 👀 heh um,, if we were to start, would you want to go in chronological order? 👀 alright! this is very long so i’ll wrap it up there, all my love~! 🦋💞xx (if i got the emojis in the wrong order...no i didn’t 😳🤚)

mAN ahahahhahahahah ok, first of all, i never meant for you to feel guilty over this or put you in the spot for that matter because trust me, i understand. i sometimes need to stay away to recharge and stuff. besides, no one is ever, ever required to keep talking to me after they sent an ask. it’s not your responsibility to socialize with me but i appreciate it regardless. i’m so sorry your life was not going very well but i just know that better days are coming :)) and yes, we’re definitely okay. i do hope that u didn’t feel forced to send this tho!

things have been great! i have been doing absolutely nothing in contrast to back then when i was doing absolutely everything. it’s like a recharge period for me. oh and im doing my graduation rites on may 8 so there’s that.

ok so,, i lost 50/50 w mona and i lost all hope that i’ll get childe but drama queen went brr and came home on my 16th pull after that. i’m still a little salty bc you dont do that to your wife yknow??? so you have my permission to put him in a stick and grill him over live fire 😍

🥺🥺 that’s sounds fun!! the hcs are already done. i had a huge brainrot yesterday and finished it in one sitting. very different from what you have but im starting to feel like yours had more sense to it asvdhskkcbsjka n e way, childe being your bad boy guitarist bf.... MAN i see it and i love it. i feel like kaeya would exude sm mysterious energy and he just catches attention on stage. mr. popular through and through. and like,, i hc kaeya has pretty hands and just,, imagining it on a bass, fingers stretching to reach the chords... ugh seggsy 😭 benny boy send tweet!! i love that.. i feel like he’s the type to always have tons of spares on him bc he keeps snapping his sticks bc he gets into it. i love the polarity tho bc off stage he’s the softest boy around 🤧 and lastly, big man zhong... hehehehe... yes.

i got your other ask and i’ll answer it separately so we can vibe better there. on another note,, yes please!! let’s watch the barbie cinematic universe chronologically together!! idk how we’ll do it though? discord maybe? if u have that u can send in your id through an ask and i’ll send the request privately. thanks for dropping by again, bub!

ps. i think you got the emojis right

[tacittherapist]

Heartbeats quicken. The tremors return. Rose opens her laptop, glancing about to make sure she’s alone. Gods forbid anyone, especially Jade, see her revisit one of her lowest points. She craves it -- to know the bitter ennui of her past mistakes is a nectar that keeps her reality grounded and the fire under her lit. This particular memory is perhaps the worst mistake of her young life though, and to correct it would be to supp deep from the ichor of sweet relief. She pulls up the log...

tacitTherapist [TT] started trolling grimAuxiliary [GA].

TT: So. GA: So TT: It’s come to this. GA: Indeed It Has TT: And you’re still not budging. GA: Consider My Position Entirely Unmoved TT: Entirely? That seems a bit harsh. GA: This Is A Harsh Reality TT: I imagined you’d have at least granted me the niceties and lied about how malleable your convictions are. GA: Rose GA: What Is There Left To Say GA: We Have A Crucial Difference In Opinion That Cannot Be Reconciled GA: We Have Iterated Our Arguments To Each Other For Days Without Relent GA: The Underlying Basis To This Disagreement Is Presupposed On The Notion That This Infernal Game Has Shown You The Right Course Of Action Without Any Other Supporting Evidence That It Isnt Simply Lying To You Once Again TT: They aren’t lies, they’re possibilities. GA: But Only One Of Them Will Happen To Us GA: The Rest Dont Matter GA: Thus They Are Lies And There Is Just One Truth TT: Couching your beliefs that way is what I disagree with. GA: Then You Arent Fucking Listening GA: Only One Of Those Timelines Will Be The One We Are In GA: So Forgive Me If I Buttress My Language In Solipsistic Idiom GA: Unless You Can Give Me More Than One Percent Assurance That We Will All Make It Through This By Jumping On This Fantastic Savior Satellite GA: I Cannot Support Your Idea And I Suggest You Let It Go TT: I can’t. GA: I Know GA: Thats Why Theres Nothing Left To Say TT: I disagree. I think there are a variety of things left to say. GA: Do They Relate To The Problem At Hand Or Are You Stalling TT: Irrelevant. The impetus of communication isn’t inherently problem-solving, it’s to convey meaning. GA: The Impetus Does Solve A Problem GA: You Want To Convey Meaning So The Solution Is Communication TT: Semantics. I’m saying there are other avenues of thought we must explore first. GA: Rose According To You We Are Running Out Of Time GA: Is This Truly How You Want To Spend Your Last Moments With Us GA: Bickering Pointlessly On Separate Computers To Avoid Devolving Into Another Shouting Competition Which Karkat Invariably Wins TT: Would you rather I pivot into sweet nothings about how I’ve so enjoyed our time together on this desolate rock? TT: Would you rather I spin the yarn of our tale aboard this distant laboratory, slowly starving as our grist cache dwindles? TT: Must I recount our feeding calendar in which we literally take turns stemming the hunger pangs until we all eventually succumb to malnutrition and sickness simultaneously? GA: No TT: Then this is how I’m spending my last moments. Quite presumptuous of you to assume I’ve made up my mind as well. For all you know, I could be swayed and end up staying here. GA: Given You Were Just Eviscerating My Position Mere Seconds Ago As To Why We Should Stay Here Im Sufficiently Certain You Wont TT: That’s another issue. Your certainty. The Light has shown me countless avenues to success. There are literally endless timelines in which we follow my advice and everyone meets up to finish the game. TT: And yet you’re somehow unwaveringly certain that none of them will occur? GA: Your Argument Swings Both Ways TT: I don’t appreciate the implicit reference to my confusing sexuality, but go on. GA: If There Are Countless Possibilities In Which We Succeed Following Your Idea Then There Are Also Countless Possibilities In Which We Succeed Not Following Your Idea GA: Its Two Infinities GA: The Question Lies In Which Infinity Is Bigger TT: That makes no sense, infinity is infinity. GA: Yes But Some Infinities Are Larger Or Smaller Than Others GA: Some Infinities Are Not Even Truly Infinity But We Consider Them Infinity For The Sake of Mathematics TT: How does that make even remote sense? GA: While You Were Studying The Majyyk I Was Reading The Calculus TT: I didn’t realize I was speaking to Jade’s pupil. GA: You Arent GA: If I Were Jades Pupil Wed Have Met Up By Now And We Wouldnt Be Having This Inane Conversation TT: But you can become her pupil! If you just come with me. Trust me, Kanaya. Please. GA: I Trust You Rose GA: But I Cannot Go With You GA: Look GA: The Prophecy Satellite Is On The Horizon GA: You Have Not Much Time TT: Technically I have all the time I need. GA: Dave Has Sworn Off His Powers And You Know This TT: He can be convinced. GA: If Your Powers Of Persuasion On Him Are Anything Like They Are On Me I Highly Doubt That TT: Fuck you. GA: Rose

A pregnant pause passes as Rose looks over on the horizon. The satellite is indeed coming into view.

TT: I’m sorry, Kanaya. TT: I love you. GA: I Love You Too Rose GA: But This Is Goodbye TT: It doesn’t have to be. GA: What GA: Didnt We Just Go Over That Im Not Coming With You And That You Arent Staying Here TT: Yes. But if you don’t say goodbye, it means we’ll meet again. GA: Rose This Is Childish TT: If you don’t say goodbye, it isn’t the end. GA: This Is The End Rose TT: It isn’t the end. I’ll see you again. I’ll find John and Jade by myself and we’ll come get you. GA: How GA: How Long Will It Take To Find Them GA: And How Will You Find Us If You Ever Do GA: This Laboratory Is Bound To Continue Drifting Even After You Depart GA: We Wont Stay Frozen In Place Once You Leave GA: This Isnt Like One Of Those Trashy Rainbowdrinker Books You Devoured GA: This Is Real Rose GA: You Must Face This Truth TT: We are the shapers of our world. GA: Not This Again TT: We determine our own fate. GA: Rose This Is A Quote From Another Novel Please Dont Do This TT: We mold the physical to our whims and thrust it forward through our own designs. We shape destiny. We reject that which displeases us and create our own reality. TT: Can you really not indulge me? As this one last act of kindness? GA: I Will Allow You One Kindness But It Will Not Be This TT: Fine. As my last act of kindness from you, I want... GA: It Cannot Be Something Ridiculous TT: I want you to forget me. GA: What The Fuck Did I Just Say TT: Hear me out. TT: If truly everything we’ve been through thus far has meant so little that you can’t put your faith in my decision, I want you to forget it. TT: It will be as if it never happened. I was merely a phantom in this session, and should I somehow return (against your predictions), I will get to vindictively rub it in your face. TT: But if you’re right, and I never return, the pain for you is lessened. You were never in a relationship with me, so there’s nothing to mourn. I never existed. Things were simply bad, and my nagging insistence to redirect our course was never there. TT: I want you to forget me. GA: Rose You Know I Cant Do That TT: Not even for me? As your last kindness? GA: It Would Not Be Kind To Invalidate The Memories You Ensured We Would Create GA: It Would Not Be Kind To Devalue Everything You Have Done For Us GA: And I Still Cherish Those Memories Even If They Led To Something Painful TT: It will only cause you more pain if you hold onto them. I don’t want you to suffer. GA: I Want To Suffer These Memories GA: They Offer Me Some Reassurance TT: But not enough to convince you to join me. GA: No

Rose stops typing, a nerve in her snapping. Her face goes beet-red, despair swelling into wrath. She sets her claws to the keyboard once more.

TT: Then if not by your grace, I’ll make you forget through spite. GA: What TT: I want to be forgotten. I want my existence to be erased from this failure of a timeline. I never loved you. You meant nothing to me. GA: Rose TT: My departure will be a curse upon you unless you forget. Whether by magic or by will, you must forget me. All those memories I made with you meant nothing. I did those things only to ensure my own survival. Your presence was happenstance at best. TT: Now that I’m heading out on my own, our destinies are uncoupled. Whatever happens to you is beneath me. I am taking the path to victory, and you can all squander the rest of your miserable lives here. TT: I won’t come back for you. I gave you all the chances I had. This is your fault. GA: Rose Please Dont Do This TT: You won’t see me again. I’m getting on that satellite and I’m not looking back. Even if I am to die, alone on a satellite, it will be a Heroic death as the only one with any sense not to continue a cursed existence on this fucking rock. TT: I will live with only a spectre of guilt that I didn’t forcibly coerce you onto the satellite with me, chastising myself for respecting your wishes and letting you choose your own demise. TT: That is all. Goodbye.

tacitTherapist [TT] stopped trolling grimAuxiliary [GA].

True to her word, Rose closed her laptop and walked briskly to the edge of the floating laboratory to wait for the satellite to pass by. Sheer anger coursed through her veins, hoping that would mask her true intent. She had never displayed that kind of fury before, let alone to Kanaya. If she played her cards right, Kanaya might still join her, moved by the pure strength of her conviction. But there was no hesitant hand on her shoulder, begging her to stay or to join her. There was no last-second plea, no ‘Rose Wait’, and not even a footstep in her general direction as she waited.

Resigned, she boarded the satellite, breaking her word and casting a desperate glance back as the satellite continued its course away. Through the tiny window, she could see Kanaya simply looking down at her grubtop, her face stained jade. Regret swelled, and for just a second, she could feel herself begin to open the hatch and jump back towards the meteor. But the second passed, and soon she was out of range to give even a cursory wave goodbye.

The same tears begin to stream down her face as she closes the pesterlog and wraps her sheets tighter around her shoulders. She can’t keep putting off her meeting with Cetus forever... but she still doesn’t know how she’ll reckon with the shadow of her failed ploy.

[alitoowell]

One year—365 days—and still I cannot find the words to do justice to the magnitude of gratitude that I feel, and will forever feel, for the magic that was October 22, 2017.  It’s funny because meeting Taylor was always in my mind as a possibility.  In that people DO meet her, so it’s possible.  But I always viewed it as possible, yet unachievable.  People would meet her, but they wouldn’t be ME.  Simply because the odds were too great of being noticed or picked from a crowd.  So I never planned out how it would go, or where, or what I would say, which left me even more absolutely floored when it happened.  Even a year later my brain cannot quite wrap around the fact that the woman who I’ve looked up to since I was 15, who’s music has been the soundtrack to my life for an entire decade, had me over at her house?  I got to hug her?  Dance with her?  And listen to her entire unreleased album and the stories behind it?  That seems unbelievable.  And it will always seem unbelievable because people. don’t. do. that.  But Taylor does.  My friends have been encouraging me for a whole year straight to type everything out, and I never quite got there.  The task seemed too great, I didn’t know where to start, or what words to choose to capture those memories adequately.  In one of those moments of frustration I realized I actually already had written nearly everything—in the no less than 63 messages I sent to my best friend Shaina less than 24 hours later on October 23, 2017.  Though it’s jumbled and not perfect in any way and contains the misspellings and keyboard smashes and all, here’s my Taylor story, a year later, as told the day after it happened—in message form.

~

I MET TAYLOR SWIFT SHDJEKJDKROF

I CANNOT BELIEVE MY LIFE

I HAVEN’T CRIED YET BUT ITS 4 AM AND I THINK ITS FINALLY HITTINGME

photo of wristband

SHE FUCKING DANCED WITH ME DURING LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO LIKE GRABBED MY HAND AND JAMMED WITH ME AS I WAS SHOUTING THE LYRICS GOODBYEEEEEEE

photo of merch

GOODBYEEEEEEEEE

Shaina: You’re lying

IM NOY IM NOT OH MY FOD OH MY FREAKINF GOD

PARKER THOUGHT I WAS DRUNK OF SOMETHING CUZ I WAS SHOUTING VIA TEXT ASKING IF HE WAS UP HOLT SHIT

Shaina: Ok. Spill. I’m shook.

Okay okay so I’m literally about ready to pass out I haven’t slept well since finding out last week and legit got two hours of afterwards last night, well this morning ahhh

And about to board my flight but I’ll try to type quick

So basically her team DMed me last Tuesday saying they’ve noticed what an amazing fan I am and asked for my information

And people have been making fake TN accounts and sending fake messages to be awful, and I thought it was fake because I never expected to ever be contacted

So I’m like in the gym parking lot thank god I didn’t see it while I was still at work

And I realize it has a blue verified check and that it’s legitimate and the last questions was have you ever met Taylor and I LOSE MY SHIT IM IN HYSTERICS IN THE CAR AND CALL MY MOM AND SHE THINKS I GOT IN AN ACCIDENT

So basically I’m a freaking ass mess because I’m 99% it’s for a secret session since at that point one had happened and we all assumed that there would be more cities, and I was almost positive they would NOT send that message to someone and not follow through and call and tell them SOMETHING

So I can’t sleep I leave my phone on cuz I don’t want to miss a call

It of course doesn’t come til the next day while I’m AT WORK

And they freaking ass knew my twitter and tumblr and asked for all my socials and I now know the people I talked to weren’t asked that so that’s weirddddd

Anyway so sure as hell it’s a ‘very special event’ and it’s all too secret and I can’t tell anyone except a parent for safety

And once I confirm I can get myself to LA she gives some instructions and said final details will be emailed  

And so that was Wednesday and I’m crying at work and their dinner was late lol

And I called my mom and was like this weekend Sunday book flights nowwwww

And then the quick version is for the next two days I was practically puking every day so nervous and the email wasn’t coming and I was like shitttttt

So finally on Friday I straight up call Taylor Nation back and get straight through and say my name and she’s like what’s up?! And she says they’re coming out later that day

And so I flew down Saturday and I rented my very first car and took my first legit solo trip in the name of Taylor freaking swift honestly I’m not surprised

And bless Briana’s fam’s heart they were out of town but let me stay in their guest apartment while they were away with no explanation so that was very nice and less stress for me

And then I had to sit from 3:30 Saturday until 5:15 Sunday in LA by myself unable to tell anyone and it was wilddddddd

Like I was like sweeeeeet I can get caught up in my journal!!!  Noooo I deadass sat there and felt like I was dying and about threw up hourly like how the freaking hell do you just casually chill when you know your damn outlandish never thought it would occur dream is about to happen and not only that but like on a times 100 scale?!?!

So basically I went to her damn house and we hung out by the pool and ate food and the weirdest part is I’ve been unable to eat and have been panicking all week but the second I got to the first check point and to her house even more I was just like chillllll like ayeeeee this is gonna be fun omg I’m so hungry and let’s eat all this food

And so basically it’s a listening session for the new album and we obviously can’t say anything about it or what she said about it besides like probs that it’s AWESOME OUTSTANDING IS GONNA SLAY THE WORLD AND SHES SO LROUD OF IT AND MY BABY DID THAT AND IM REAL PROUD

Okay okay but she like explained each song in-depth and was the cutest cupcake singing along fully jamming to everything and like looking at everyone the entire time and locking eyes as she’s singing ya feel

My flight is about to leave but I will continue later!!!!!

Shaina: This is insane I can’t believe it I’m beyond stoked for you safe travels and talk soon

Okay we not leaving quite yet sooooo I’m missing parts. So we are told we’re gonna go inside and sit down and I book it fast to get a spot on the ground like only two people sitting in front of me and there’s a red plush chair not even 10 feet away that she’ll obviously be sitting in and we’re all like sjedjekkdir

And I was wondering who all I would know there right!?? And was bummed there’s one girl I talk to frequently who loves Shawn Mendes and we know each other cuz she saw my Shawn poster on twitter and she’s from LA but I hadn’t seen her

And then someone pokes me and is like ALIIIIIIII AND ITS HER AND WE FLIP AND SXREAM SO LOUD THE WHOLE ROOM THOUGHT IT WAS TAY AND WAS PISSSSSSED AND SHUSHING US AND SOMEONES LIKE THEY KNOW EACH OTHER!!!!! HAHAHAHA

Shaina: This just keeps getting better and better. How did you keep this a secret?!?!?!?

Shaina: How many people were there

AND SO ANYWAY WE ALL THOUGHT TAYLOR WAS GONNA COME IN FROM THE FRONT AND SIT RIGHT DOWN??? AND ON THE BUS SOMEONE WAS LIKE YOOOOO WHAT IF SINCE TONIGHT IT’S IN LA SHE BRINGS FRIENDS????? AND SO SHE OF COURSE INSTEAD COMES FROM THE BACL AND THE DAMN ROOM EXPLODES AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A DAMN GODWESS AND SHE’S LIKE HIIIIIIIII AND GRINNING AND ALSO COMES IN JACK ANTANOF (SPELLING IDK IM CURRENTLY OFFLINE SO I CANT CHECK), TWO OF THE HAIM GIRLS, AND RUBY ROSE AND THE ROOM IS LIKE SHATTERING

AND SO SINCE SHE IN THE BACK SHE STARTS MAKING HER WAY THROUGHHHHHH US AND IS GRABBING PEOPLE AND PEOPLE ARE STANDING UP AND HUGGING HER AND HOLY CRAP

Okay lololol shoot I just woke up and didn’t realize the rest of this story was notttt in constant caps like I’ve been using all day my bad my bad

And so she’s playing the songs in order off the album and I think it’s okay to say that her and jack are losing their minds because they’ve never gotten to experience our reaction to new stuff they’ve worked on when they’re together, and definitely not together and in person, so she kept being like this is so cool for us you have no idea and he’s in the back confirming lololol

And so anyway she gets to Look What You Made me Do and she’s like soooo how do we want to do this??? Do we want to keep sitting do we want to dance…??? And we’re all like DANCEEEEEE SHDHIEOKRKR and shes like okayyyy we’re dancing and Shaina this is deadass like straight out of a dream.  Actually wait no I couldn’t have imagined this, but she starts and I was anticipating part of this but not the whole thing…

So she obviously doesn’t just have us bopping along and staying and dancing on her own up front… she starts making her way into our basically tiny crowd and we’re so packed together that she’s grabbing people’s hands so she doesn’t fall as she goes. And she’s stopping and dancing with people and stops and stays dancing like staring at one guy and he’s going for it and not afraid and singing the lyrics dramatically right back to her….

And then she makes her way towards and wait for it

GRABS MY DAMN HAND AS SHE’S TRYING TO GET FARTHER INTO THE MIDDLE AND I’M LIKE OKAY OKAY JUST CHILL SHE JUST GRABBED MY HAND NO BIGGIE AND IM LIKE SHES GONNA KEEP WALKING LIKE THAT WAS MY MOMENT RIGBT?!?!

NOOOOOOOOOOO SHE STOPS THERE ONCE SHES BY ME AND IS DANCING WITH THE PEOPLE THAT ARE AROUND HER BUT HER BACK IS TO ME AT THIS POINT BUT IM STILL LIKE HOLY SHIT WHAT IS LIFE AND THEN SHE FREAKING ASS TURNS THE HELL AROUND AND IS DANCING! WITH! ME! LIKE! SHES! LOOKING! AT! ME! AND IM LIKE JAMMING OF COURSE AND SCREAMING THE LYRICS AND I LITERALLT DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN

And then Vanessa (my Shawn buddy) at this point has scooted up to me cuz everyone’s shifted and the people around me are like dude holy shit SHE DANCED WITH YOUUUUU

BYEEEEEEEEEEEE

Okay okay so after the whole album was played she gave us like the lowdown on the meet and greet portion and she passed out the target exclusive magazines for us to see while we waited and talked a bit about the making of them and why and things and she’s really pumped about them and they worked really hard to have them be affordable as possible and cut down the pages and things

And meanwhile like the whole night she’s so close that people would make comments and she’d hear and respond and it was so cute and amazing

Also I don’t think I’ve mentioned her outfit yet???  She’s been looking bomb at all of the other sessions and holy helllll she looked bomb like damnnnnnnnn she had on a black crop top and these high waisted and slightly folded down camouflage pants and these black boots and her hairrrrrrr this era is like natural curls and soooo damn cute

Okay okay so anyway we thought it was a greattttt idea to wait towards the end so we could stay longer and not go first and be done and sent home… yeah well it ended up being a not great idea because we ended up waiting two hours but I’m obviously not complaining one freaking bit

And she’s doing pictures in the other room so we can’t really see much for most of it but every so often we can see people talking to her and taking photos and it’s so cute it’d melt your hearttttttt

And so those of us that have bonded together at this point are like um shoooooot what pose and what the hell do I say to her??????? Like all week to my parents I was like ummmmm soooooo I’ve imagined this happening but like never thought it’d actually happen so unlike some people I had nottttt planned like a monologue of what I’d want her to know if I ever met her???? Like with Vance I was lost too but with my posters it was easier and I’ve seen him recently and yada yada but this is TAYLOR FREAKING SWIFT WHO IVE LOVED WITH MY WHOLE DAMN HEART SINCE I WAS FIFTEEN AND SHIT IM TEARING UP ON THE PLANE WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SAY TO HER WHAT DO YOU WANT HER TO KNOW YOU’VE GOT LIKE TWO MINUTES WITH HER GOOOOO

And so we were all really curious if she’d somehow recognize us because people have been saying that they walk in and she shouted their name! And I’m like idk if that’s gonna happen but might as well see if not just ask if she’s seen anything idk idk???

So okay buckle up for like the greatest time of my entire damn life

So I walk in and hug herrrrrrrrrrrrr

And I wish to god I can remember everything she said but I was focusing so hard on keeping it together and saying my bit that I know for sure what I said and can put together mostly something the general sentiment of what she said if not it exactly. So we’re huggingggg and I say I think hiiiii it’s so nice to finally meet you thank you for having me I’m so excited to be here or something and she’s like awww thank you for coming!! And I’m like I have to know how did we all get picked, was it by you or your team or how did it happen?? And I don’t know what the first part of her answer was but she says so the people from LA have been picked for about a year, and the people from elsewhere (I’m guessing with exceptions) have been picked more recently like within the past few months so like now I know it has nothingggg to do with whatever we’ve been doing online recently…. It’s from at least when she first came back if not before and they realized we were active while she was away….

And so I’m like okay ali say something else so I’m like so I really like making concert posters and the first ones I ever made were for you and shes like aw thank you!! And I’m like I realized other people were making posters and I’d been a RA and I was like hey I can make some really bomb posters tooooo. And so I’m like the fist ones said ‘Taylor someday we’ll meet you even if it’s just in our wildest dreams’ and she grabs me and is like AND NOW WE’RE MAKING IT HAPPEN!!! And so I say after I got the phone call I was in my car listening to Ready For It and started bawling when she sings ‘in my dreams, I know I’m gonna be with you’ cuz I knew it was actually happening and shes like awwwwwww or something you get the idea

And so then I straight up start talking about my dad???

I’m like so my dad loves you and she’s like omg and I’m like no he adoresss youuu and is so sad he couldn’t come and she’s like awww tell him hi!!! And I’m like he loves your Out of the Woods piano Grammy performance and I say how I’d found him listening to it repeatedly and he wanted it on his phone. And she’s like he sounds amazing! And I’m like he is he’s awesome lol and I’m like actually and so him and I went and saw you at F1 last year and of course I’m like and I made signs for there too and so I describe them IN DETAIL like what they said, I realized later I told her I was from Oregon, because I said they were the states and the dotted line and the paper airplane and I think she really liked that??? And as if that all isn’t already insane enough at some point in there I mentioned how this month has been insane and how I’d met Vance Joy and it was my birthday and now this and she said something excitedly about that like ahhh so much excitement or idk something about it. And so she’s like so what pose would you like to do? And I’m like I’ve really been going back and forth between just hugging or doing something sort of funny (low key said that hoping she’d be like girl let’s do both but lololol it’s okay) so she’s like it’s completely up to you!! And I’m like um um okay let’s just hug so she grabs me and we take the freaking photo and ahhhhhhhh

And so Vanessa and I had it planned out and she had me go first and at this point I was like would it be okay if my friend and I got a photo with you together and she’s like of course!! So V comes in and hugs her and we take one photo together and she squeezes us together tight and then I hug her one last time and thank her and say I love you so much (lol I had to throw it in other people forgot it and have been upset) and then I walk out and they hand me my merch bag and are directing me to the bus but I’m like can I wait for my friend and they’re like sure. So she comes out and she’s like SHE KNEW MY NAME SHSJEKOFN and she’s like yelling and I’m like shut up and I grab her and I’m like shhh shhhhh hahahaha and so we walk to the bus and it’s the funniest thing cuz they’re just waiting for it to be full so anytime someone new walks on everyone’s like SPILLLLLLLLL

And then once it was full we went back got our things, exchanged details with people on that bus and took photos and whatnot and turned our phones on to the madness anddddddd so well thats the story of the best damn day of my life

~

Taylor, thank you thank you thank for giving me such incredible memories that I’ve blown up the phones of every person I know, and have talked every person’s ears off that I’ve met during these past 365 days, about how special they are to me.  Thank you for making it happen, thank you for holding my gaze so intently and being so genuine every second I was talking to you, thank you for bringing me some of the best friends I’ve ever had, thank you for being so prominent in the highlights of not only this past year, but this past decade.  I love you forever, babe.  Long, long live October 22, 2017.

[dyslexic-shirmp]

1-50 and yeah I'm serious

‘Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?black pen !

Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?city, i had my share of living in the country, let me tell you its not what it cracks up to be especially if you have no transportation 

If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?probably a musical instrument  

Do you drink your tea or coffee with sugar?usually 2 sugar but im trying to cut back to 1 sugar

What was your favourite book as a child?first book i remember obsessing over (not manga) was Love Bites (a vampire kisses novel), if manga Death Note or Pet Shop of Horrors 

Do you prefer baths or showers?Showers, baths are too long 

If you could be a mythical creature, which would you choose?kappa

Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books?paper books, collecting the manga i want will take forever but bookmarking doesnt seem right :(

What is your favourite item of clothing?i dont know, probably my new senpai hat i got

Do you like your name? Would you ever change it?I did change it, to jupiter

Who is a mentor to you?never really had a mentor 

Would you ever want to be famous? If so, what for?if i were to get famous i would hope its to the amount like hussie where you dont know much about me but still respect me, hopefully for my art as well

Are you a restless sleeper?i sleep pretty easily, probably has to do with my medications though

Do you consider yourself a romantic?um i could see that

Which element best represents you?water 

Who do you want to be closer to?friends at work, online friends or any friends in general 

Do you miss someone at the moment?i think im doing okay

Tell us about an early childhood memory.counting the purple lines on the sheets of my dads bed trying to fall asleep, also having my brother cut off all my hair i dont remember which came first 

What is the strangest thing you have eaten?rabbit i guess

What can you see outside your bedroom window?the porch, parking lot and a bar and grill

What are you most thankful for?thankful i didnt go too far off the deep end in high school

Do you like spicy food?sometimes, in certain dishes, non spicy curry doesnt taste right

Have you ever met someone famous?nope

Do you keep a diary or journal?i have a bullet journal but its mostly for lists, then my blog if that counts

Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?pen, there is different colours

What is your star sign?leo

Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?crunchy, i cant eat soggy cereal :U

What would you want your legacy to be?i dont know, artist of some kind

Do you like reading? What was the last thing you read?i like reading manga, last stuff i read was all of kii kanna’s work on mangafox (Yuki no Shita no Qualia, Umibe no Etranger) 

How do you show someone you love them?get really clingy and buy you stuff

Do you like ice in your drinks?ice tea only

What are you afraid of?being alone, unable to take care of myself (emotionally/mentally/financially), living a unfulfilling life

What is your favourite scent?bed sheets, coffee, freshly showered 

Do you address older people by their first or last name?first name ?

If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?in the city, doesnt matter which one because i would travel between them so i never got sick of living in one place and didnt have time to hate the town i lived in, take lots of pictures and make art 

Do you prefer swimming in pools or in the ocean?ive never swam in the ocean so pools

What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?take it man im poor

Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?yes and yes, usually it was something stupid like i wish for money or for enter blank here to like me

What is one thing you would want to teach your children?not having children but i guess that you have to find your own inspiration in life or nothing else matters

If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?thinking of getting a tattoo of a tiny jupiter on my forearm somewhere

What can you hear right now?my partner typing on her mechanical gamer keyboard 

Where do you feel the safest?in my bed

What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?my anxiety and depression

If you could travel back to any era, which would you choose?90s if i had to (i like my technology)

What is your most used emoji?🌱  420

What is your favourite season? Why?Autumn, good for my aesthetic wear, coffee is prime, colours and shit, COLD

How would you spend your ideal day?coffee, netflix, art, game, coffee, anime, art, sleep maybe like go out but thats what i do on my days off

Describe yourself using one word.sleepy

What do you regret the most?living

Invent your own word. What does it mean?shurlp , you know ;0

[tracelii]

Listen yall by time I finished there’s not going to be any eyesagao left for anyone else to fucking write i s w ea r

The afternoon left a weird taste her mouth, like something that was supposed to be good, and yet.. yet something lingered afterwards, pulling her emotions into a soured look. It was unpleasant in almost every shape and form, but she accepted it as yet another thing she simply just needed to ‘fix’ between her and Jack.

Ellie paced back and forward, crossing the few feet of her dorm in just a few steps, but was completely focused on the object in her hands, turning it over again and again, studying its features, almost as if she could find all of her answers just by doing this.

Had she ever stolen from Jack before? Not that she could recall- or, not that she had a reason to, or had even meant to this time around.

But like, obviously, he was texting Traci, how else did the two meet up with each other, away from her prying eyes?

Ellie cleared the surface of the smartphone, making the shape she had seen Jack make a hundred times. The phone’s screen had brightened, and soon after, unlocked.

Yes, it had to be so. This was how it was happening, all behind her back. It wasn’t Jack’s fault, certainly. He was amazing and funny and great, and Traci, well, Traci was just jealous of what was here- of what, and who she couldn’t have. That certainly wasn’t Jack’s fault, and Ellie was sure, she was so sure that he just didn’t understand that he had everything he’d ever need in her.

He saw the good in her that she couldn’t see in herself. She was good, and good enough for him. Why see anyone else?

She formally realized his background screen was a picture of the both of them, each of them in the middle of an action that had caused both of them to appear slightly blurry, and with wild expressions to boot. Jack was reaching for the camera of whoever had clicked it, and was half grinning, but probably opening his mouth to say something, and Ellie had her eyes wide as she remained seated besides him, but reached wildly to try and catch her boyfriend’s milk-drink that seemed to ascend from the table (mostly because Jack had elbowed it). Her hand was blurred into a completely different dimension, but she recalled missing the milk completely, and (for the second time this year) slam dunking into the mash potatoes.

She barely remembered this happening, but found herself studying the picture, and begging her memory not to tell her that Traci had been one to take it, for no other reason in particular than assuring her that Traci was making him smile. That Traci had the time of her life, and this resulted in potato-hands part 2, and that something that Traci had done was now on her boyfriend’s phone.

Her anger returned. She went into the gallery of the phone, deleting it in a fit of jealousy and leaving his background bare before returning to the main menu, and flipping through his contacts.

Traci wasn’t here.

Ellie had checked, double checked, triple checked the list. Her name, or nothing that could be it, was here. She backed out into the main menu again, and stared into the nothingness behind his apps. Was it possible that she was… wrong?

No. Not a chance.

She moved on into his messages where… of course, she had been the most current message with the multiple times she had texted him up until they had met again this morning. Below that was a few familiar names- Luke, Caddy, some guy named Mark, but underneath her message and right above theirs was a blank space.

Curiously, she tapped it, and an empty message log opened for her. There was no number, no name, and no messages, but the text box curser blinked, waiting for her. Ellie wasn’t sure what to do next.

[Jack- 15:48]- Traci?

[     - 15:48]- !! Jack!!

Her chest was cold. This was her. It was her, it was Traci, here, texting Jack on his phone. His phone with Traci’s picture. Texting him. Texting him like he was hers.

There wasn’t quite a feeling that could describe the hatred that seemed to add to the frost that refused to melt over her heart. Her fingers tapped at the keyboard with renewed purpose.

[Jack- 15:50] Traci, we’ve got to talk.

[     -15:50] didn’t you say we couldn’t meet during the day?

[Jack- 15:50] never again

It was showing that someone was typing, but Traci’s typing quickly stopped.

[     -15:51] What do you mean

[Jack- 15:51] never talk to me again. I never want to see you again.

[     -15:51] Jack?

[     -15:51] Jack? What did I do?

[     -15:53] I’m sorry, I can fix it just tell me what to do

[Jack- 15:57] you’ve come between us for the last time. There’s nothing you can do but to leave me and Ellie alone. And let us be together. And leave us alone. There’s nothing else.

[Jack- 15:57] leave us alone

[Jack- 15:57] leave us alone

[Jack- 15:58] leave us alone

[     -15:58] Please, I cant go on without you!

[     -15:58] I did everything you asked

[     -15:58] im sorry, what can I do?? What can I do to show you how much I love you?

[     -15:59] I need you dont go!

[     -15:59]  pl e

[     -15:59] I cn t go

[     -15:59] ill d e

[     -15:59]

[     -15:59]

[     -15:59]

[     -16:00]

There was a sick satisfaction to see the desperation fizzle out. It felt like victory, if victory came with a sickening guilt, but the guilt was muted, and so far away. This was how it was supposed to be. Jack would be safe from Traci, now.

Tears dripped down Ellie’s face as she chuckled a bit to herself, pulling the phone to her chest. Maybe it would be over… Maybe there’d be peace at last. With a sigh, Ellie pulled on the door, expecting anything but Ian standing there, his hand up like he was supposed to knock.

“Ah.” Ian blinked vaguely. “What kind of telepathy-“

“What are you doing here?” Ellie asked breathlessly. Her brain screamed at her that she had been caught. Everyone in the school must have known what she’d done, and they’d hate her, even though She was right and Traci was wrong. They would… they would-

“Uh, Are you alright?” Ian said, pointing at the object she was clutching possessively. “Is that… Jack’s phone?”

“No?” She answered with a question, and to which question was just as much as a mystery.

“You took his damn phone. Like, took it. And it’s on, what did you do?”

“You’re not supposed to be in the girl’s dorm.” Her voice shook. “And Jack left his phone and I’m going to give it to him.”

“I told you two hours ago I was coming to pick up my text book and Jack didn’t fucking leave his phone, he’s been in the library all day. You told me that, Ellie.”

More gaps in her memory. She had no clue what she had done since she’d seen Jack that morning. She didn’t recall even seeing Ian let alone telling him to show up to her dorm.

She scrubbed at her eyes to clear the tears, but stumbled back as Ian held his hand out for the phone.

“I said I would give it to him.” She assured him. “So… it’s fine.”

“Show me you didn’t do anything to his phone and you can have it.”

“Do anything?” She asked. “He’s my boyfriend, what the hell would I do?” her voice was challenging, but Ian shot back.

“I don’t fucking know that’s what I’m trying out. You’ve been all sort of doing all batshit stuff, so prove to me that you didn’t do anything, and I’ll let it go. I’ll just leave right now- even without my textbook.” He still had his hand out.

Well, no, she didn’t do anything crazy or wrong, but Ian wouldn’t believe that. He never would. She continued to clutch the phone close to her, and refused to move. “N… No.” She whispered.

“What?”

“I said no. It’s… its none of your business.”

“Okay, well, it’s Jack’s business.” Ian said sharply. “So lets go tell him, yea?”

“No!” The demand emerged from her mouth as a shriek. This was supposed to be her happy ending. This was supposed to be the start of the good part. Ian would ruin that if he told Jack.

She reached for… she wasn’t even sure at that point- probably his shoulder if not his shirt collar, but she had startled him to turning back in her direction, and she instead let her hand strike him right across the cheek. Both of their positions in relation to each other was odd and askew- And- her hand was supposed to be open, but she just-

Ian hissed, bringing his hand up to the cut that began to well on his cheek. He turned back towards Ellie, both of their eyes open in shock.

“Oh- I didn’t-“ She trembled slightly, and the phone forgotten, dropped to the floor. She took a step back into her room. “No, I didn’t mean to—I’m—“

Ian’s glare was set on her and was for the moment was completely unforgiving. The cut wasn’t too bad, maybe half an inch in length, but it was there, and was definitely something that now existed.

“No, Ian, I didn’t mean-“

He ignored her, and picked up the phone, turning it over in his face.

“What in the hecklord was that? Who’s yelling like they’re being mur—” Elsa asked, poking her head out the stairwell down the hallway. Her joking, casual expression spiked into panic, and she stepped out to hurried over. “What happened- Ian your face! Ellie?”

“Elsa, where’s Traci’s dorm?” He asked, looking up from the phone

“Huh?”

“Her dorm, we need to check on her right now.”

“It’s downstairs-“ but Elsa knew not to ask anymore questions. She turned back around and ran back for the stairs. Ian didn’t even give Ellie another look before he took off running after Elsa and disappeared into the stairwell as well.

Ellie carefully followed suit- not exactly sneaking, but her mind was so focused on the phone that she had to follow. All that was in her brain is that Jack wouldn’t understand, if Ian explained it. Jack didn’t even have to know. If Ian opened his mouth, people will be upset with her because they wouldn’t understand. She had to get the phone back. She had to delete those texts.

She entered the stairwell, mere echoes of thoughts all around her of what could happen now. Some part of her felt… bad? She certainly. She felt something, but she couldn’t describe it. She couldn’t… put her finger on it, but something about this was wrong. Something about this… something about what she had done.

Before her now was the open, and noticeably empty dorm room of Traci’s. Elsa and Ian stood off to the side, just inside the room, worriedly talking amongst themselves.

Nothing had meaning to her anymore, Ellie realized. Not the photos of Jack on the wall, not the abandoned phone of Traci’s on the floor. It didn’t mean anything. She didn’t feel anything. Something seemed to be wrong, but there was no indication of what it might have been.

She was doing this to protect Jack. If nothing else, absolutely nothing else, she had to protect her beloved.

“She could be anywhere.” Elsa murmured, looking around the room.

“I know.” Ian said grimly. “Do you think she stayed on school grounds?”

“I have no clue. I hope she did.” Elsa glanced up, staring at Ellie worriedly. “Ellie, shes your friend, believe it or not. You have to at least care about her. At least a bit. She could get hurt.”

But it was talking like a blank wall. Ellie put her hand out, and said nothing else, her face neutrally super focused on the phone Ian was waving around.

He only sighed in annoyance, and put the phone in her hand. “I don’t know what you’re trying to prove, but you’re getting on my god damn nerves.”

“Prove…” Elsa said slowly as Ellie clutched the phone, then turned to quickly head away to where she had been heading in the first place- back to Jack. She had to make sure he was safe, of course… and to put the phone back.

“Traci would want to prove herself.” Elsa said suddenly. “Ian, we have to check the school roof.”

“The roof-“

“Remember what I told you about what she told me? Ian, we gotta get to the roof. Right now.”

The words of irrelevant conversation faded from her forethought. Ellie walked calmly as her friends (a questionable term) ran past her towards the main building.

But that they didn’t matter, whoever or whatever they would find. It definitely didn’t matter- not to Ellie. All that mattered was Jack.

[crab-goddess]

Lala  land more like Po land cause that shits gay ad I do not like it cause the cant sing Very well and mate I’m just over the hype like let it go the love you feel towards the film? – DROP IT

Reaching into my thoughts I pull out the hated memory of seeing lala land because it ruined my faith in cinematography to cast people for singing roles. I love advanced higher and I know this essay is really shit right now I really need to get this grade because I want to go to the cconsevitour you feel me

Lala land goes against my morals also because of how it shows examples of cheating because mate she has a fucking boyfriend and she makes a date with this guy when she is still with her boyfriend and she stands up the date with this new guy cause she has a boyfriend and half way through her date with her actual boyfriend she goes with the dancing man. I wrote in my diary how outraged I was after seeing the film because I had to document my utter rage, long story short I tore up the page because I was fuming

What else do I not like about it? They have so much money but they have loads of money, they have so many costume changes like obviously they have money. There are so many changes. HE DRIVES a convertible.

Every single time someone is shot in New York they have no money like what’s the deal I am concerned. I cannot not see my genitalia, my little buddy.

I should talk to my dick more actually, oh hi penis

Hold me while I pee small bowl. Kerry has departed and so has my inspiration for the cause because not gonna lie I did enjoy lala land despite its bad qualities it made me feel good and that’s all the matters to a young emo boy living in the suburbs you feel me sqa marker like seriously not gonna lie either I really want a fucking A give me it you low life piece of amazing literature like the essay you are reading right now so shut the fuck up and don’t go to the cinema

Turning point baby Kerry is spitting on the attack, she doesn’t really care about poussey anymore which me as the writer I am happy about. I should use periods more, periods only stop sentences. Lesbian teasing in orange in the new black is so annoying because it is like oh here are some sexy lesbians oh wait they are dead now or in shu or whatever it’s called like nicky was an example. Lexa wasn’t the best like gay character I just want a consistent gay character, you can tell she hasn’t seen sense 8. That’s something I could talk about

I don’t like ben aaffleck.

Sense  8 is great, there Is no doubt about that but man there are somethings I am not happy about. I feel as if they are just ticking off all of the stereotypes in today’s society in the sense that they have to have ever interesting character like what are the chances that they are from different countries, surely there must be like two in India or something it kind of annoys me but however, new  sentence. It does give me everything that I want in a tv show like there isn’t a character I would want added to the show because they have everyone I could ask for and more. I think im doing well so far, lewis is going home –wait sorry I am the writer lewis Gemmell I have not got a ghost writer

Cactus? Katniss? Obi wan? What is the difference, ben kanobi that what. It literally just goes back to the same position. I promised my mum and dad I wouldn’t get drunk I am a bad person I just need to start taking responsibility for my actions. I am a bad person. Responsibility is coming, are we doing this hand thing. Who is dominant? I like treating this essay as a mental release, they are being so loud. I do think I am kind of mental with this parasite thing also me and Lewis are opposites  on another level with me being a bottom an ben being a just o top not like ben is writing this he just promotes instinctfulness , Melissas belly is making funny noises. Melissa is such a twinky bottom, only a bottom as a boy don’t get her wrong.

Vegan cheese thats fucking disgusting oh my god how am I typing when im walking around like a zombie omg that’s hat school is like. Endurance is key top tip sqa. Ppinky then thumb, 12 inch instantly would just make you vomit, dick comes out mouth and it touches your delicate stomach and you projectile acid all over the sheets and dissolve his dick and bed sheets. Lewis wants – wait I – want to bottom properly. Douche for week not years. parks and rec inspiration mate the banter is flowing like nates cum in my mouth – said by Jeffree star 16/02/2016. How cool is numbers in essays. Braid my asshole hair into a nice messy bun/ wreath

Have you never heard of jeffree star? He’s hilarious. Slurp that shot babes, hump till you make that fucking calorie burn. Everybody clap your ass can you bring it to the top, slam into my sister room bum first. Dick of terror – oh wait caterpillar ride omg the caterpillar ride is like a 12 inch dick coming out his mouth like the caterpillar through the apple, sorry sqa I’m just on such a tangent. Holl boll screaming low blow puff poof

Back to lala land anyway, sorry about it. OK I want to type that emma stone is very ugly but I do not believe in what I think because she is beautiful but I am gay so I can just stfu, sorry sqa I’m really into abbreviations and tbh I’m liking my structure the flow is as potent as the banter. Cactus up anus? YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SO? I fucking love numbers in w0rd5 LOL. Spike in every orifice, Cactus in every orifice. Are eyes hoes? Only if you don’t have them. I have work in 5 hours but I care more about advanced higher english than to be caring about my fucking money situation. New paragraph for the editors enjoy babes take a s

Bit h I cannot ad

Mate you have no idea how hard it is to see he keyboard I’m typing this from memory of I’m decided am going to get married even tho theres like no point I like buy dress

Poke me with that dick bc I love jesis- the blind woman

I can’t imagine being Minnie driver

I think I am kaput, I’’m just out of energy towards getting my point across aand I think I have made some really potent points, melissas ass in this game. Sorry I keep going on these tangents and its about lala land not fucking reptiles. Emily is being really good at running in overwatch. But anyway I’’m coming to an end, I do like lala land but I respect the aspect of disappointments within the film.

I am going to make a film about am man who talks to his aunt in scrabble just so you know sqa I am doing other things than my advanced higher but I am only going to start when I finish this masterpiece cause again I love advanced higher English.

I want lola to pierce my nipple and I do like lala land ok and fuck emma stones hate on her

Bye, kind regards

SOLVE MY RIDDLE BONUS ROUND

93453 c���pL

[fluffi]

so should i reply in tiny font or just regular font?

hybe should do better in spreading out the comebacks of the groups under them :/ they're already at a huge advantage, might as well use it strategically. AHA streaming mvs is so convenient for a multi. the filler vids i could use in between could be mvs from the other groups that i stan. also you know what, i still haven't watched a single final performance bc im waiting for a friend to watch with me :D

i have a chinese movie recommendation in case you want something to cry over. i still love its ost and it's been months since i watched it. i'm not sure if you watched it already but more than blue. i've never cried over a movie as much as i cried for that one. the angst *chef's kiss*. i'd do anything to wipe my memory of it and watch it again for the first time.

also sungchan is mc-ing in inkigayo every sunday! and honestly, what the hell is nct hollywood :D but a part of me thinks it's just going to be a bunch of asians living in america like johnny that'll be a part of it. just a hunch tho. imagine having all 4 units coming back in a year with like 1 unit per quarter of the year. i'm not sure if sm even has the money to do this, especially when they filed bankruptcy recently.

and i've seen a lot of twitter memes saying taro's ghosted stans T_T alexa play ghosting by txt T_T sm come on give him smth to do, you're wasting talent.

the mall didn't burn down entirely (like from the outside it looked fine). the ventilation system caught fire so it was more internal—ceilings and all that. covered things with soot(?) and ashes so the entire mall was closed for nearly 2 years. and hey, i've experienced a school fire too back when i was younger. i, too, thought it was nothing but a fire drill until i saw the charred remains of the buildings behind our school : D thankfully, no one died.

the new nct track is for a samsung commercial AHAHA it's funny because nearly everyone uses apple TT_TT and the mv screams neo culture tech tho (well as it should lmao). yes, i was talking about that part in hot sauce but yes, it grew on me too.

ateez really know how to do a performance. they put the standard so high for me when it came to performing. their facial expressions and overall stage presence just impresses me. it's been a while since i've seen idols draw me to them by those standards.

ah, the long stan list! good luck in getting through it and i hope you do have fun as you go :] (also you can check out aurora by ateez and whiplash by tbz. the songs popped up in my head as i was typing this reply, you might like them)

ohhhh, what was the pd48 scandal? i don't watch survival shows so i don't know any of the stuff going on. would you care to elaborate? about their disbandment :(( i hope you're okay now tho! are the other girls still debuting in new groups? anyone eyeing an acting career instead of being an idol?

YES, A PATTERN IN THE BIASES (if you count an analysis of two ppl as a pattern, that is.) because it's the same pattern i have for my biaswreckers :D jake & seungmin, not only do they have the same animal to represent them, they have the same 'golden retriever' type of personality that just makes you go all soft. ygwim ;n; i wish i could elaborate but both boys just devastate me in the same level and my friends pointed out that they were quite similar in some aspects.

jaemin used to send really long bbl messages :< like if there was anything he loved most it was nctzens and it was obv in his messages. speaking of dream, album repackage news today! idk what to feel bc my hot sauce albums haven't even arrived yet :D + i'm dead br0ke.

how do you even manage to read 30k TT__TT i cant handle long fics bc of my attention span :D also, yes, i found the user now, i'll check if i'll like their works soon. <33

YES YOU SHOULDVE BEEN THERE T_T what a day that was. i think seungmin is still sweet and active in bbl. not a single cent goes to waste with him. also i think i'll post the drabble some time this month.

and oml seungmin vs jake :o let's see how that goes O.O XDD

clickity-clackity AHAH do you have a mechanical keyboard? :c i wanted one too but i haven't got around to saving up for one. but yes indeed, typing asmr v relaxing \m/

sunny hyuck day, fullsun sunday, fullsunday T_T feels were very strong that day. i kept seeing edits on my twt tl and i would just s o b : D i've only stanned nct for a year but i've seen him grow so much i just wanted to crie i love him sm :') yk my mom didn't cook spaghetti for my birthday, but she cooked for hyuck's? : D

and i checked ur recs blog and indeed, full of nct T_T

also have i mentioned that your desktop thing amuses me so much HAHAH i got confused for a sec if i had twt opened or tumblr. plus, i've been wanting to mention that i noticed that our mobile themes are opposites. black and red, white and blue. it's cute XDD <3

help, people have been telling me that our asks are long but i highkey love it. i added a ‘keep reading’ for the mobile users though, sorry in advance hh.

honestly, both works. tiny font saves space but regular font does more justice for my poor eyes haha. its your call!

hybe comebacks :( yeah enhypen got lucky because they came back right before cb season so they got three wins (yay)! on the bright side, txt just got their first win and bts has six wins, so it all works out i guess. omg yes, the streaming thing is perfect. i stan like 20 groups so i have a never-ending cycle of filler mvs and its always so helpful. ooh for the final performances - you wont regret watching any of them! literally wild, kingdom's budget and talent are wild.

ooh, I don't watch any cdramas lmao. i want to but i can barely finish kdramas. if its a movie ill watch it! ive never heard of more than blue but ill check it out <3 where can i watch it?

yes yes i have just realized that sungchan is yujin's co-mc! i watched their special stage (which is literally adorable) and was today years old when i realized that the dude is sungchan pls. nct hollywood was so unexpected and i still have mixed feelings about it now. LMAO JUST ASIANS LIVING IN AMERICA...help. that would be interesting (?) but the concept reminds me of those horrendous awesomeness tv shows. lets hope sm pulls this off well and proves me wrong. lmao all 4 units coming back would probably happen, but i hope none of them get overworked :( i constantly feel like mork lee has four clones :'( also...sm filed bankcruptcy??? dang, what happened?

ugh omg yeah shotaros talent is seriously being wasted in the basement right now. as for fires, scary T-T i wasnt that fazed by them until the australia wildfires happened, and i learned about the consequences of fire and got really scared. its good that the entire mall didnt burn down though! although its weird that no one is opening it :( schools really need to tell us the difference between drills though, it might be dangerous for those rebellious kids.

yeah i just realized that the nct track is an endorsement which partly explains why i cant listen to it. the mv's visuals are stunning!! the set and people are so gorgeous aa i cant

oh yeah im not an atiny but i have acknowledged since 2020 that they have one of the best, if not the best stage presence and expressions on stage for 4th gen. i think their only worthy competitor would be stray kids actually. theyre truly one of a kind and all of them are cute especially that yeosang guy. i will definitely check out your song recommendations though!

oof the pd48 scandal is extremely complicated. to condense it in a few statements: all of the girls' rankings have been rigged since the very beginning and it was rumored that they already had their end group before the show even started. it was like this for pf48 and pdx101 (group x1) which was why x1 disbanded within a month of debuting, and izone were on hiatus for like 4 months. im not the best at explaining stuff like this haha, but i think you get it. you can check out yt or search up 'pd48 scandal', a ton of articles and videos. as for new groups, nothing has been made clear yet. theyve only made instagram handles for now and appeared on variety shows haha. as for acting career, hyewon was supposed to do acting but was forced to join pd48 so maybe she'll continue acting afterwards? nothing is confirmed yet!

lmao two similarities, its okay it counts. ah, true, i can see their similarities now that youve mentioned it, as well as how jeno is kind of like that. however, i am currently attached to jaemin so we'll see what happens from there hehe. i swerve easily.

jaemin on bubble grr, that would be a whole experience. from the bare minimum of vidoes ive seen for him wbk jaemin is so whipped for czennies. ah yes repackage! i saw the post on instagram and went to the comments to see everything screaming ‘iM bROke!’ and it was lowkey hilarious lmao. kpop is really trying to suck our money T-T.

ope the longest fic ive read is like...40k words i think? and it was by jeonginks. ill read anything eiko produces lmao, theres always so much substance in her work. ooh, tell me what you think of luvdsc’s stuff, i just finished binging their entire masterlist lmao.

seungmin vs jake yeah, i havent been catching up on skz enha content because im still obsessing over the dreamies but when that saga is over then im going to focus on my ults lmao (which might include dream soon, hehe).

yes yes i have a mechanical bluetooth keyboard that i use to connect to my computer! it literally sounds amazing lmao, its only 10am here but i feel like im going to doze off from the clickity clackitys already. i cant wait for you to get one! tell me when you do, we can match hehe.

hyuck is an aodrable brat please. hes like the best comedian of nct at this point, so hilarious and filled with variety i love him. he rose up my bias list pretty fast too. LMAO YOUR MOM IS SO COOL I LOVE HER ALREADY. if only my mom would cook for my ults’ borndays.

yes my rec blog is a mess right now, ill organize it soon haha.

omg thank you and yes my website theme is one-of-a-kind. even i get confused when i open it or edit it, and i constantly get comments about it. also i just realized our opposing theme colors and i love it! its adorable.

[eaexu]

       COME AND TALK TO ME! It is an eerie staccato voice. The voice of cigarette advertisements, fierce sun, a two-bit bar with dead flies on the floor. They turn round to see they are standing outside a pinball arcade. CASINO! The Yankee growling voice comes from a silver and chrome machine. On its screen a square muscled man jumps up and down in a computerized urban landscape of skyscrapers and highways. Hands in raincoat pocket, jaw jerking to one side, he drawls again, COME AND TALK TO ME.          Gregory nudges J.K.’s arm. ‘Well, listen to the man, let’s take up his invitation.’ He puts ten francs in the slot. 

        HOW YA DOING? says the man TYPE SOMETHING INTO THE KEYBOARD AND I WILL RESPOND. The screen shirs as the urban cowboy crosses his arms and leans towards them.         ‘It’s in English.’         ‘Well, tell him how you are.’         Gregory turns to face the man. He puts another ten francs into the machine and spreads out his fingers. Pink and blue bulbs flash above him.

Do your lips burn up when we kissed right? Let me kiss ‘em again baby. Let me let me let me. I would like to fuck you. I would like to make you happy. How do you like to be touched? On the aeroplane over here, the air hostess demonstrated various ways of surviving an aircrash. She said we must blow on a whistle to draw attention to ourselves. Dont you think that is a little narcissistic? If everyone in the everyday of their lives who wanted to draw attention to themselves blew a whistle where would we be? What do you do to make people love you? I do cheap things to make people like me. I make them feel more important than they are and flatter them and when someone makes me a great cocktail I take a sip and shout DRAGONFLIES! In England I light my cigarettes with matches made in Yugoslavia. The picture on the box is of ‘Scenic Cornwall’ and shows a number of signposts on the edge of a cliff. One of them says THE FALKLANDS 8109 and the other says AUSTRALIA 170001. I tell you this because when I was a boy I collected stamps. It was my way of naming places and conquering the world. A stamp is a small picture. So I had lots of small pictures of the world. Madagascar, China, Mexico, Argentina, Egypt. A kind of virtual reality. 

What’s your name my sweet? Is it Johnny or Sam or Brett? I’d like to go down on you and for you to talk to me about football and religion and hamburgers and beauty and death and what it feels like to come. Were you bullied at school? When you were a teenager did you spend hours in your bedroom changing your clothes? Did you save up to the boots and shirts other kids had? What kind of Darwinian programmed you? Do you want to change yourself in anyway? Like speak in a deeper voice or have a different nose? Do you feel safe in this world? Or do you feel alone and scared? What kind of gadgets do you have in your home? Do they comfort you? Baby do you sometimes feel glum? Baby take care of yourself. Oh baby I’d like to stroke you and whisper things to make you not have fear. 

Honey, I want to tell you about a train I took to Kiev with my bit of a squeeze. We made love just as we got near Chernobyl and the loudspeakers in our carriage played a kind of lament to mark the tragedy of the nuclear accident. In some way it seemed to mark all tragedy ever. The cries of our lovemaking as we passed the infected cattle, children with shaved heads playing by the railway tracks and the eerie stillness of deformed trees were the only sound, snow falling, he and I sweating in each others arms and honey we were, in that moment, without fear. The high-rise blocks of flats we stayed in were called The Sleeping Region. I was brought up in a block like that in London. As a kid we lived on tins of beans and meatballs and hated to sleep because we were frightened. Darling, do you sleep sweet and easy and deep? Does someone sleep beside you? Breathing into the pillow next to you and you wake up first and feel them there and its just so great that they’re there and you know very soon they will wake too and you will move closer and kind of pull in the beginning of a new day together? In Kiev I opened tins of crab meat and caviar bought with hard currency and we slept easy. We slept easy and there was a famine outside. The circus played every night in Kiev -- an old man sitting next to me made a joke about eating the cats and horses after the show. Are you happy with your life, my sweet? The man said ‘You can always tell a tourist, their eyes don’t know where they’re going. Here everyone knows where they’re going.’ Do you know where you’re going baby? Is it a good place? Something to write home about? Is home a good place? Or just somewhere to return to? 

Are you pleased to open your eyes in the morning? What do you see? Do you like what you see? If you hate it do you feel you have any power to change it for something else? Oh my love, let me call you that -- My Love -- let us imagine what that means, you and I liplocked some place in the American South, perhaps where the Klan lynched our brothers? You and I in a motor on the high way making plans for the future. The radio is on and we hear the Soviet Union has come apart and then there are some ads for Pepsi and bagel chips, and back to a war in Yugoslavia, nationalisms, the internationalisms, an election in Great Britain, refugees crossing mountains looking for a country to feed them, a jingle for vitamin capsules; and all the time we are hot for each other through all this world news we just want to be in each others pants, and we pull in for gas and I’m saying, No baby don’t light a cigarette, right now, wait till we pull out and anyhow we’ll check into a motel soon. Hey Brett, Im Imagining America! It’s all from movies and magazines, I am fumbling to make you America. I am fumbling to make you and unmake you. Abe Lincoln on your dollar bills -- IN GOD WE TRUST -- pastrami and gas and tacos and beer bought with this image, he’s the guy that keeps the wheels turning. I’m stuffing chocolate into your mouth and baby ... you’re so hard, so hard honey ... you’re all fired up and I’m talkin’ dirty, Im talking physical, Im talking politics and dontcha just love it, got my fingers in your mouth and you want it bad. I want you too baby I want you too. Y’know that Springsteen song ... oh baby I’d drive all night again just to buy you a pair of shoes? Well I would. I’d drive to hell and back just to make you love me. 

How do you love? Do you keep it quiet and put it all in your fingertips or do you say words? What are your lovewords baby? What if the United States came apart? Would God come apart too and the stone pillars of the Abe Lincoln Memorial crumble and statues of George Washington be torn up from squares of green, watered by sprinklers? Torn up by crane and bulldozer? 

Now I am imagining Switzerland, Brett. I can see snow and stripped pine floors and coffee shops and cream cakes and blond people tinkling little silver spoons against their cups. I see children in nursery schools that are heated, very warm and very clean and their little snow boots lined up against the wall and gloves sewn into their coat pockets. I cant imagine you there, Brett. I am trying to see a teacher bent over your shoulder while you draw your mother and father and the house you live in and giant flowers -- but I just cant vision you in in Switzerland skiing and eating chocolate. You’d probably shoot up in your chalet, lie down in your shorts under the skylight, arms folded behind your neck looking up at the stars and dreaming of home and bourbon and cookies and having a haircut. You see how I am making you up, same as Switzerland and America? Does it feel like it fits you? Have you made me up too? Am I some kind of English faggot crazy for boys, cruising into my adult life in black leather under strobe and sonic boom of city discos? There’s such a lot to talk about baby, just you and me, man to man.

Did you hear about the man who went to a psychologist and said, Doctor I think I am a dog, and the doctor said, we’ll sort that out, now get on the couch. And the man said, but I am not allowed. Well I’m inviting you to be whatever you like sweetheart, Im listening to you, I am listening to everything you want to be and were not allowed. Brett, I am saying make yourself up for me baby, have as many goes as you like, be the man you always wanted to be, and I’ll be the man that lets you. Brett, life is long dontcha think? When you tot up the hours and days and months, its a lot of time. How much of that time have you felt precious? I want to make you feel precious, my treasure, my lovestuff.

Have you ever driven across a city you don’t know very well and you’re alone? Its night and you’re lost. Had too many beers in some bar where they look at you as if you’re an extraterrestrial immigrant and somewhere else in, in another city, there’s someone who loves you and you can imagine them looking at you in this bar now, checking you out, what shoes you’ve put on today and what you’re drinking and what kind of mood you’re in? And you want to say to the people in this bar who think you’re some kind of weirdo blown in to undo them -- I am connected to the same things as you y’know -- I have people who love me and I watch TV and I have a birthday and I brush my teeth and I am not always like this, eating crap pizza alone and lost with this look in my eyes. And then you get into the car and none of the street signs make sense, and you just cry. Brett, have you done this? And you think of all the people you’ve jilted meanly and all the people who dumped you, and your pockets are filled with old bills and tickets and you turn over all the secrets inside you? 

            SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED SOME HELP! The handsome urban cowboy uncrosses his thick arms and takes out a gun. Suddenly he jumps on a moving car, shoots, jumps off the car and thrashes a man across the head with his gun, runs, leaps over a motorcycle, climbs a skyscraper, kicks the man chasing him off the building, holds on with one hand -- a loop of shooting and dying and dying and shooting and dying and shooting and shooting and dying and then the voice says ... COME AND TALK TO ME.....

[thinktwice222]

It’s been a while

And you haven’t changed.  Just kidding, I don’t know who you are, so who knows if you have changed or not.  Is nothing still nothing, some might presume, yes, in fact it is. Climbing down from my podium now.

What’s up with direct eye contact? Has it ever needed to be a thing?

So anyways, I have been extruding art lately.  I was thinking about drawing a little fun glyph.  Glyph is not the right word but it seems right. Glyph is representative of an action.  At least that’s what I think of in my mind.  Have you ever thought about how Egyptian glyphs , well not even, we don’t need to go that far back.  The chinese alphabet is much more complex.  You know why english sucks?  the same 26 letters you use to form all the emotions you can have in the world.  Now, you can be as smart as how many words you know to express that rainbow of a personality, or you can rely heavily on tonal changes. implications, sub context, subtext. Whatever it is.  You wanna know how to miscommunicate?  Speak the English language and have a small daily vocabulary. 

That was a weird topic, but on here I try not to limit myself to anything. especially weird rants.  I’m really self conscious about my point of view on things, because there is no where to express it or have a valid space to get your brain sorted or work through biased opinions.  

Someone the other day was struggling with spelling.  I knew where they were at, and still am sheepish when I go to right a word more times than not..  That didn’t stop me from projecting my voice of authority to spell out sandwich, which at one point I definitely had a uphill battle with.  I hope they cared more about the figuring of sandwich over my indirect communication of the spelling by spelling out over people.  It’s the answer to the question, lets just hope that it was not unacceptable.

I smoked a fair amount again today. Im not sure what a fair amount its, but its when I decide its too much.  The highs aren’t that great all the time, and some have made me more than ancy.  I’ll probably soon concider the implications of long term smoke and how to make it a viable interaction while I still can enjoy the experience.  Or get a bong, jk, I have been reading dan harmon’s saved myspace entries.  Its the mid 2000s for more than a few years.  He’s really brash, and I’m jealous of his aptness to put whatever he feels, just a straight up journal to people he knows.  I want to get there at one point, rip the bandaid off.  I don’t want secrets,  well, I don’t need them.  

Don’t you love when you realize that a shirt of yours has a distinctive smell?  like a smell that is super comforting?  my shirts like that right now.  It’s kind of a salty and sweet smell.  Makes me think that maybe if I just swam in the ocean more often (jk again cause I live in Baltimore) that it’d magically turn my anxiety b.o. into something wonderful.  I’ll still give it a try at one point.

I can’t wait till I can have an apartment of my own.  I would also like a 50 l. bag of salt next to my bath. I would have a tub.  

Everyone should write more, meaning I should right more.....write more... my spelling mistakes are funny, usually putting an extra voul, or tradeing some hard or soft concenents.  I’m leaving that sentence as is just to give my spelling a good bow.  Yes brain, we know that you see spelling as a social construct that encourages policing and gets rid of regional dialect with the over tones of being poor and uneducated.  I almost spellchecked my kudos sentence.  I should maybe read more, but maybe its tension headaches that keep me away.  Well my eyes never want to focus on much.  

to smoke or to not smoke. smoke. I got to pack some new stuff in there too.  Not sure How discrete I need to be in this day and age but I’m pretty sure I have been open about those habits, or will be at one point in the future. 

What else.  music session got pushed again.  Wednesday now, really I’m over caring and my brain has been able to decide i’d buy a new drum set if anything happen, no problem.  I’m glad I have been semi responsible with my money, even though I have been pretty reckless with it.  But money is for spending, and I think I have gotten to the point were I am going to have a good understanding of money and its value in my life.  but first art.  I hate all these big backspaces between the paragraphs, It makes my thoughts, although separate, way to separate.  Like English channel separate.  Each new paragraph, you get a new country.  And new spellings, I don’t like to look up from the keyboard while poking all my keys.  My muscle memory will at one point return and maybe Ill just end up typing with my eyes closed.  Now wouldn’t that be the absolute dream. communication without having to use your damn eyes, obviously I have a thing against them. I type weird anyways. kinda like some weird long tendrilled vermin. or demon. another sentence full of verbal disbelief, I mean I cant spell at all.  People say home keys help but I don’t think that’s the way, every way has the alternative, I need what ever the opposite of home key standard is.  The android to the apple. Give me that sweet sweet alternative culture. Is there a style thats good for soul? like you know the music, that style but in expressive dance or gesture...... or typewriting.  It’s like how to use a hammer to expediently and save energy, you use your whole arm in the swing, directing with the shoulder. Or how you paint with your whole arm.  

New space. new country. I love rambling, maybe this is where my rambles will live. somewhere in the limbo of total existence and lack there of 

[killertransqueen]

this storm feels different. i can hear him playing imagine dragons in the room from my spot in the middle bathroom. in mine the water is shut off, so i'd be able to hear it beyyrt in there, but i can;t go in there. ots nice to hear readu aj m fire though. its been a while since i listenend to imagine dragons but i remember that song being one of my favorites. im tying this without looking at the keyboard, in the dark, in he bathroom. but this storm feels different because its late, and theres no wpppwer, and its sgarting to get kind of hot. emily is asleep, so i cant hang ojt with her, and i havet got my phone or my laptop charged all the wau, so its only a matter of time before they die, wbich will sick. but the hole jn the batjroom floor helps a lot, bevause a big just of wing will bring in a little nit of ait. does that make anu sense? i,, truing to tupe in the dakr and im not as ofood at this as i thougt. i got one of the blinking butterflies from my mom, and i'm in my room, so i can see my keyboard now. i would go back and erase and fix my typing mistakes, but i think it's funnier that way. i'm gonna play music on my phone.

also if anyone steals my phone, the passcode is "faggot"

now i'm listening to skating polly's "stop digging". i wish i could make songs like them, but i don't think i could. i dont really feel things anymore.

i woke up and the power went off, i just realized that. i was half asleep pretty much, but o wask awake when the power went off. i had the fan on in my room, and the door was open just a little so i could see the light in the living room because mom came in to get her phone. and sje left the door open a little. the lights cut off and i heard her laugh her weird, kind of creepy laugh. i thought the power was going to come right back on, but it went out at 7;30-ish, and its 9;48 right now. i think we're going to go to the resturant tomor-----i tyed that all in the skating polly song.

now i'm making myself listen to mindless self indulgence's "witness". i dont really like their music all that much. but if im in the mood i can listen to the whole "if" album. sort of. i like the beat in "never wanted to dance" and "sex for homework" and another one i cant remeber but it's about sex too. god i literally cannot remember the name of that motherfucking song. anyway but i dont really like them because their songs are fucked up. like :stupid motherfucker" i think it is where jimmy says "should i talk slower like youre r******d" and i really hate how hes a grown ass fucking man saying that shit like its funny.

i wrote all of that in witness playing, now i think its a bratmobile song. it is a bratmobile song.

i changed it to where its fall out boys "americas suithearts" funny memory about that song--d asked me one time last year in mrs. smiths class what song it was tht has a really animated music video. i said it was carpal tunnel of love bevause thats the one where its in the style of happy tree friends and holy fuvk id that music video super fucked. but he said that wasnt the one so i tried thinking and i found out that it was actually americas suitehearts, so i told him that but when he looked it up it swouldnt show. so i told him he has to spell sweethearts like suite in a hotel, and then he got it. i dont know what but i thought that was king of funny. my ear hurts. i pierced it on august 16 and it was suppose to be healted all the way already, but they got infected ahain so i have to wait. i wrote all of that in the span of americas suitehearts. my favorite seether song is one now, but im gonna change it because its really low quality

now its seethers "gasoline" i really like this song, intresting favt-- seether is from africa. i didnt knw that, i thought they were all full american

the power cae back on for a full five seconds, then split back off. im gonna keep my stuff plugged into the wall though. widow by destroy boys just went off and now im listening to memohis mayfires "virus" and i really like this song. but the music video had him almost doing blackfce if i remember right

vampires will never hirt you by my chemucal romance just came on. mvr has some good songs and i dont know why i never listeneed to them all that much until revently but i really like this song by them called surrender for the part at the end where gerard gives out a really emotional "you can fight this all you want" for the way he says want. ut the song in general sounds really fucked up because it sounds like its about rape. :you can fight this all you want, but tonight belongs to me" really sounds fucked up. i thought the last album they had which is the true lives of the fabulous killjoys came out in 2013 but it actually came out in 2010. also monster pipelines punch and minute maid lemonade taste good but this is my last monster becaue they give me panic attacks.

everglade by l7 is on and thats my favorite song by them, i wanna do a cover of it for the band i have. i have a band by the way, and suzi gardner follow me on instagram. rednecks on parade is a really good phrase i love l7. im gonna try to write songs now

[themoneybuff-blog]

Helping Mom apply for Social Security -- More complicated than it needs to be?

My mother turned seventy a couple of weeks ago. This means a couple of things: First, shes reached the age at which she can receive maximum retirement benefits from Social Security.Second, its time for her to start taking Required Minimum Distributions from her retirement accounts. If youve been reading Get Rich Slowly for a while, you know that these two routine tasks are less than routine for my family. My mother has fought a long-time battle with mental illness. After a crisis in 2011, my brothers and I realized that she could not live alone. We found a highly-regarded local assisted living facility that specializes in patients with memory issues. (Mom has some sort of cognitive disability that includes memory loss, but which the doctors have been unable to diagnose.) For the past seven years, Mom has lived at Happy Acres in a comfortable apartment with her cat (Bonnie) and her television. When I see her, I often ask if theres anything more she needs or wants. She assures me that this is all she needs to be happy.

At this point, Mom struggles with routine personal hygiene, so theres no way she can take care of tasks like signing up for Social Security or taking withdrawals from her retirement accounts. As her sons, thats now our job. (And were happy to do it.) You might think that this process would be easy but youd be wrong. I suspect that in most cases, getting retirement benefits started is easy, but its much less so in our situation. A Little Bit of Kafka At first, my brother Jeff and I thought that setting up Social Security would be simple. He and I both have Power of Attorney. Were accustomed to this allowing us to breeze through most financial tasks as if we were Mom herself. In March, about a month before Moms birthday, I spent an afternoon at the local Social Security office. I took all of the documentation that I could gather. I arrived to find the waiting room was packed with other folks applying for benefits. It was standing-room only. Rather than get frustrated, I sighed and resigned myself to waiting. And wait, I did. I waited for two hours before my number was called. (It was all fine, though. I spent the time absorbed in a good book.) When my turn came, I sat at the desk and talked to the clerk. Im here to apply for Social Security benefits for my mother, I said. Is your mother with you? the clerk asked. No, I said. But I have Power of Attorney. I pulled out the paperwork to offer proof. The clerk waved her hand and shook her head. The Social Security Administration does not recognize Powers of Attorney, she told me. To conduct business on your mothers behalf, you must be a designated representative, a legal guardian. What does that mean? I asked. For all practical purposes, it means you probably should make an appointment to bring your mother in with you. Thats going to be the easiest thing to do. Okay, I said. But shes not really going to be able to carry on a conversation or to make an informed decision about anything. Still, lets make an appointment. Even if shes not mentally fit, she has to be the one who applies in person, the clerk said. She clicked at her keyboard, searching for appointment times. Im sorry, but we dont have any appointments available. I was puzzled. Let me get this straight. Mom has to apply in person. To apply in person, we have to make an appointment. But there are no appointments available? Well, there three other options, the clerk said. She can do what you did today and wait in the lobby. She can call each morning to see if there are any cancellations. Or she can apply online. However, she has to apply herself. You cant fill out the application for her. Ill admit that I was both baffled and a little steamed. Shes not able to fill out the application herself. Shes not capable, I said. I dont think its a good idea to have her wait here with me for two hours as a drop-in. And calling the day-of to get an appointment is problematic. It would take roughly three hours from the time I called in order to get her here. The clerk shrugged. I dont know what to tell you, she said. Those are your three options. Skirting the Law When I returned home, I called my brother to explain the situation. I feel like theres no way we can get this done, I said, unless we fudge things a little. What do you mean? he said. Well, theres no way for Mom to complete the application hereself, right? Legally, shes required to. But what if we completed it for her while shes in the room? Im okay with that, Jeff said. And thats what we did: Jeff and I sat with Mom and worked through the online Social Security benefits application. Much of the application asked for standard stuff, such as age, mailing address, and so on. It was easy for us to answer those questions. But some of the questions required sleuthing. To set up Moms online Social Security account, for instance, we had to puzzle out a battery of questions drawn from her credit history. (Solution? Just pull a free credit report, which youre allowed to do three times per year.) To actually complete the benefits application, we needed to figure out important dates regarding her marriage and her work history. Whenever we reached a question that stumped us, we asked Mom for the answer. She never had the answers, though, so we had to dig through various documents to find the info. After a couple of hours, wed finished the application. We asked Mom to type in her name for the digital signature. (Even that was tough for her.) The process was overor so we thought. About a week later, we got a letter in the mail from the Social Security Administration. Thank you for contacting us for an appointment to visit our office, the letter read. This is confirmation of the date and time of your appointment. What in the world is this? Jeff asked me. We never made an appointment for Mom. I have no idea, I said. I thought wed done everything we need to do at this point. But Ill tell you what. It sounds like we have a firm date and time for an appointment, so lets just take it. We may be duplicating our efforts, but thats okay. Im willing to sacrifice a few hours of my time just to make sure everything is correct. Return to Purgatory Jeff handled everything with the assisted living facility, arranging for Mom to have an early breakfast, and getting her approved to take a field trip. His wife showed up yesterday morning just to make sure everything went according to plan. Meanwhile, I left the house at 7:30, stopped by the family box factory to pick up supporting documentation, then headed to Happy Acres to pick up Mom. When we reached the Social Security office at 8:55, there was already a long line at the door. Theres no way were going to get inside in time for our nine oclock appointment, I thought to myself, but it turns out I neednt have worried. When the office opened, a security guard summoned folks with appointments to the front of the line. Mom and I went inside to meet the clerk who would be conducting the interview. Our clerk was both friendly and helpful. He was also meticulous and business-like. At first, he directed his questions to Mom (as he should have), but when it became clear that Mom couldnt answer for herself, he addressed me instead. Weve received your mothers application for retirement benefits, the clerk told me. But shes also eligible for survivors benefits. Thats what todays interview is about. We want to get her set up in the system so that she receives everything shes due. The clerk interviewed us for about twenty minutes. Unfortunately, we werent able to answer all of his questions because we werent prepared for them. When did Dad die? I remember that date very clearly. When were Mom and Dad married? I dont know off the top of my head and Mom can no longer remember. Do you have a copy of their marriage certificate? the clerk asked. No, we do not. Ah, youll need to get a certified copy and mail it to me in order to complete this process. How do I do that? I asked. Youll need to contact the Department of Vital Records in whichever state she was married, he said. Once you get a certified copy, mail it to me in this envelope. After we have all of the documentation we need, benefits will begin a few weeks later. To Be Continued Last month during my road trip through the southeastern United States, I stopped to visit my pal Cameron Huddleston in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Huddleston, a personal-finance columnist, has experienced something similar herself. Her mother has Alzheimers, so Huddleston has had to learn to manage her money. And, in fact, she just signed a deal to write a book about managing your parents money. Its kind of a boring topic, but its important, Huddleston told me. Its something that more and more people are wrestling with, especially as lifespans increase and personal finances become more complicated. She hopes to produce a useful guide to help people like me figure this stuff out. From what we can tell, nothing like this exists right now. Its like each person in my situation has to re-invent the wheel, to puzzle through the process on our own each time. Im eager to be the first person to buy Huddlestons book! Obviously, my family still has work to do. From what we can tell, Moms application for Social Security retirement benefits has been accepted and now its simply a matter of waiting for payments to begin. (This can take up to three months, apparently.) Meanwhile, in order for her to receive survivors benefits, we need to track down a copy of her marriage certificate, which I suspect is going to eat another couple hours of my time. Thats a task for this afternoon, I guess. Plus, I havent even started talking to Vanguard about how to take Required Minimum Distributions from Moms IRA. We have another 5-1/2 months to solve this piece of the puzzle. (RMDs must begin by the time the account holder is 70-1/2 years old.) Im going to wait until the Social Security benefits are finally flowing before I move on to the IRA. One final task? The next time I see that Mom is having a lucid day, I want to ask her what we can buy her to improve her life. She says shes content sitting in front of the television with a cat in her lap, but I feel like there must be something more we can do for her. Maybe get her a second and third cat? Maybe get her a super-deluxe television? Or how about buying a fancy chair with built-in massage? Mom has some money now. Itd be awesome to use that money to give her a better life. Important footnote: Dad died in July 1995. Mom has missed out on 23 years of Social Security survivors benefits because we werent aware that she should apply for them. Thats crazy! Do you have any literature on survivors benefits? I asked the clerk at the Social Security office yesterday. He have me a few pamphlets. Soon, Ill read all of this material and write a short blog post summarizing the most important pieces. https://www.getrichslowly.org/applying-for-social-security/

[little-misskaykays-mommy]

Chapter 3 Bay Bay - We approach Alex's house turning right into her driveway. I always forget how big it is, I mean mine isn't small either but hers is huge. Her dad's a lawyer and her mom owns like 5 different restaurants. "Common babes" she says getting out of the car. I follow obediently to the front door as she unlocks it I can smell the cinnamon they leave on the stove. It fills the entire house. Her cat Bentley immediately races down the stairs and rubs our legs meowing and purring. He has a black smooth coat with a small white patch on his chin "Someone's happy we are home." She smiles at him giving his chin a little scratch. "You can go up to my room, I'm gonna let Jasper out." Jasper is her white German shepherd they got 2 months ago at 8 weeks old. I nod slipping my shoes off. Im still speechless but I pick Bentley up, skipping steps on the stairs, and open her door right at the top of the stairs. I stop for a second, don't know why it still shocks me but her room is shifted around again for the 15th time this year. I drop my bag on her floor and cuddle Bentley on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Her pink walls seem brighter. Bentleys vibrating body from purring soothes the anxiety in my chest. About 10 minutes later I hear light thuds followed by Alex, Jasper whimpers at the edge of the bed tail wagging. She lifts him onto the bed and immediately Bentley runs away still annoyed by the newest addition to their family. My chest grows cold from the spot her laid in. I can see Jasper wants to be friends with the cat but Bentley won't have anything to do with him. She lays down next to me. The silence becomes deafening. "Go on." I tell her as I can feel she has something she needs to say. "I... " she ponders it again. "I don't think Steven meant what he said. " taken back by what just came out of her mouth after two weeks of talking shit about him I look over at her. We both have blue eyes but hers are more like a bright coastal ocean while mine are like the sky on a perfect day. "What?" I ask. She stares back at me. "I just.. I don't know.. the look on his face when he saw you, and then when he realized you were upset..." she stops again. "It doesn't excuse the fact he never called or spoke to you after, or even said what he did..... and well...i mean leave it to you to get knocked up after your first time having sex." I stare at her ceiling again, tears swelling In my eyes. "I don't know.. I just think if he reaches out to you, you should hear him out." She pets Jasper who's chewing on an old stuffed animal. I've known Alex since I was 6. I still remember the day we met like it was yesterday. This boy Julius was picking on her for her bright firery red hair, and she started crying when he snatched her favorite stuffed animal. It was a small black cat with white from the chin down it's belly, kind of like Bentley. This boy was 2 grades older and I was new to town, but I just remember this anger bubble forming in my throat as I ran over to them and shoved him as hard as my little body could. The kid had to have been twice my size but he tumbled over and the kids around us laughed and laughed. He scrapped his elbows and hit his head, I remember whistles being blown and teachers yelling but Alex grabbed my hand and held it all the way to the principles office. Because I was new and Alex was so very loved by her I got off with a warning while Julius got iss for bullying. I remember telling her how much I loved her firery hair, and for the next few years she always drew a girl with fire for hair Ever since that day we've never been apart really.. 2 years later we met Libby and we just became this clique. "Bay." Alex says startling me from my memory. She standing over me now with my phone in her hand, "it's a random number blowing your phone up. I think it's Steven." I roll over. "Bay!" She says frustrated. "In not ready to speak to him." I grunt. She pulls my shoulder to roll back facing her. "He's freaking out too. Just like you." It was one of the most sincere voices I've ever heard from her. The phone blinks missed call and I take it from her. 4 missed calls and 6 text messages. Sliding my lock screen over it clicks to unlock. A picture of the three of us as my background in matching best friend shirts stares at me as I move my thumb over to the text app. The unsaved number is first, 7th message just coming through. I click on it. Bay Its Steven. Libby gave me your number Please answer bay I'm sorry okay? Bailey... please.. Jesus bay come on . Im freakin out too! I sigh, and start typing, Alex curls up next to me to see what I'm typing watching my expression and then back to my fingers. Hey.. sorry.. My fingers hover over the keyboard doing a little dance as I search my brain for the words but I can't find anything else to say, and hit the send button. My chest rises and falls and I reread the messages, anger filling my chest. Why did i apologize? And then my fingers fly across my screen. Alex seems to protest at first but shrugs and continues to read as I type. Actually, I'm not sorry. Why should I be sorry. The only one who should be is you! How could you laugh in my face? How could you not use a condom? How could we be in this dann situation. I should of never gone to that stupid party, I should of never let you convince me to drink. I hate you so much right now, I thought you were different! You didn't even call Steven.... I wish I never met you. I hit send "well then.. so much for hearing him out. " Alex sighs. "You said yourself, there's no excuse for ghosting me after the party. " she shrugs with a face that says true, and my phone vibrates. Where are you My heart sinks a little. "You two do have to talk, might be better before you talk to your parents. " Alex says placing an arm around me. I curl up into her, my heart aching. "I need to see a doctor, not Steven." I say. Her face lights up. "Hey! My cousin Susan works at that free clinic in town remember! " she perks up a bit. "Lets go before schools out. " I nod, even though I don't want too. "You gotta Bay. " she says and moves to get up. I start typing back to him. Going to a clinic Send. I put my phone in my pocket and as she races Jasper down the stairs jumping off the last 2. I follow, slipping my converse on. I can feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket to many times to count and Alex locks the door behind us. I don't pull it out until I'm in her black leather seat. I love Alex's car. It's the newest BMW out this year and it drives so nice compared to my hammie down Chevy Malibu. Slipping my phone from my pocket Alex's bubbly self hops in. "Seeeeat belts!" She sings. I can see I have 5 missed calls now and 10 messages. I sigh, grabbing the seatbelt and clicking it into place as she does the same. She looks at me confused as I show her all the notifications, then continues backing up. "Well, you gotta read it out loud now, I'm driving. " I sigh again, unlocking my phone. I can see 9 from Steven, and one from Libby. I click libby's first. "Libby said, are you okay. " I say smirking as I can feel the side glare from Alex. "Common, Bay!" She says annoyed putting the car in drive and pulling forward down the road. "Is Susan gonna tell my parents ..." I ask my stomach dropping. "She can't Bay, it's against the law." The pressure on my chest eases slightly. "Reeeeead!" She pleads. "Okay okay " I click on Stevens messages and begin reading them out loud. What? A clinic? Bailey?! Shouldn't we talk about this. You can't do this. Don't abort our baby. Bailey god damn it. "Oh my god Bay! He thinks-" I cut her off. "I know hold on!" I say continuing to read the rest. Please... answer your phone.. Why would you tell me if you were going to just do this to me?! Im sorry okay! Please don't. I don't care if my dad's gonna kill me.. It's my child too! My phone begins to vibrate as he calls. "Bailey answer it." Alex says sternly. I groan, "I hate talking on the phone. " "Bay! You've got to grow up!.... put it on speaker" she smirks. I click the answer icon and then the speaker. "He..hello" I stutter. "Bailey! Where are you!" He's practically screaming. "On my way to the free clinic." There's silence. "To confirm the pregnancy..." I add. "Where." He sounds angry, " You cant-" "BAILEY WHERE." I snap my head towards Alex as her jaw drops. Tell him she mouths. "Ill text you the address.. jesus.." I say, finger hovering the end call button. "I.. I'm sorry Bailey... you.. you just scared the shit out of me..." he sounds like he's been crying, and that he might start again. "I'll be there." He says, and the call ends. I quickly send him the address for the clinic and sit there. "What the..." Alex stops herself. She's been trying to stop cussing, she claims I made her start cause my dad has bad language and that's where I get it from. "I guess he's going.." my voice is quiet. "I don't understand. " I fiddle with my phone. "He doesn't have to go in bay. " she reassured me. "If you don't want." I sit there lost in my head..