#senpaispeaks

[dyslexic-shirmp]

So did Reo and Mabu like have to quit the force afterwards?? What are they doing now?? How do they support themselves??

[jaquesart]

“Never belittle yourself, never berate yourself. I’ve been telling you this all this time, and I’ll keep telling you if you lose your way again.”

ok so get this

my senpai who i’ve been friends with has been working in my school as a teacher in an arts club

so far so good

back to the present since im just speeding the story up a bit

Rant below if you wanna listen~

lots of stuff happened and i literally am lost right now emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually

a death of a loved one

grieving hands

an implosion of emotions

disowned self

abysmal relations

basically those are just a bunch of words that might not have any meaning to any of you unless i’ve actually talked to you about what happened to me recently

i haven’t been confronting any of my feelings about those things

and neither have my feelings ever wanted to come into contact with me

but still

i went down from the 6th floor of my school where my classroom is to the 3rd floor where my senpai was

it was basically dismissal already but i still wanted to pass by the club room

mm

a few feet later

i entered the classroom where the two teachers stood conversing about the activities, one passionately giving his ideas and the other listening intently. 

The one listening

was my senpai

both of them are marshmallows tbh i love them both a whole lot platonicaly

but anyway

i peeked into the classroom not having any eye contact with them since my gaze was trailed on the floor

but once i stepped in that quiet classroom

suddenly a wave of emotions fell upon me like an unwanted tidal wave of grief, loss, anger, disgust and a little sarcasm somewhere there.

i already had a plan.

i already had a script prepared in my mind if he asked where his Moana book that he lent to me was

i tried to explain to the teacher that was passionately talking just a moment ago

just WHY his book isn’t with me yet

but

i couldn’t

he sort of saw it a mile away i guess

i didn’t even tell him why yet

he doesn’t know..

i told him I couldn’t give it back

i couldn’t even read it

not for the past week

i couldn’t look at Grandma Tala’s art references and all

i lost my own Grandma Tala.

i lost her just when i thought that she’d be okay already

i told him that i couldn’t focus on any of the works at all either

i couldn’t even look at the book

and he just stood there listening

both of them listening

i didn’t really

i mean

i just

i didn’t mean to cry like that

i was supposed to be composed and giggling and 

just grinning like i usually would but

but i can’t

Moana, after the death of her grandmother set forth to sail the oceans with a mission

and i just 

stood there after 3 days of grieving and i was still grieving

but i couldn’t cry

i never did

not until i went into that classroom

ah...

...

...i tried really hard to compose myself

but he knew what was up already and i think

that was a good idea to go inside the classroom

regardless if i had a plan thought out already or not

senpai stood there just listening while i tried to explain myself

teary eyed and wobbly 

the other teacher offered a hug and i accepted it

was that a vent in itself already?

who knows

after that, he told me i’ll be okay

i’ll be okay

i’ll be okay

over and over he repeated it, 

and over and over i listened

it hurt a lot

but i listened

mmm

i promised to return the book tomorrow though just so he can hold onto it since i can’t even look at the book.

so there

after i left the campus i saw teacher senpai again at the lobby of the building next to our school

it was an awkward start but

somehow

senpai sniffed out the very evident and obvious me berating and belittling my self and my art

did i do it for attention?

no

i hope not

it hurt

so why should i need attention when all i needed was for someone to listen

and that’s what senpai’s been doing since dismissal

listening

and im really thankful for that

a few words were said here and there

many times he reminded me

and many times i still froze 

“Criticism isn’t and never was supposed to break someone down and become something that will keep them down forever. It’s supposed to build people up, regardless of how long it takes for that criticism to sink into them.”

“You taught me that, Abi-chan.”

“Never belittle yourself, never berate yourself. I’ve been telling you this all this time, and I’ll keep telling you if you lose your way again.”

then he gave me a hug

and like that, i’m in this situation now

after one hell of a week of 

whatever this is~..

anyway~.. that’s all I wanted to share~..

it’s a rant I know~..

but I hope somehow some of you will listen~..

[dyslexic-shirmp]

*sees new chapter of 19days* *sprints to the other side of the house* BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

[dyslexic-shirmp]

you know what

Masaomi Kida was wrong sing

gangs arnt for middle schoolers go home

[dyslexic-shirmp]

ppl making angst hc for banana fish need to leave havnt we suffered enough

[dyslexic-shirmp]

me: wanna make art

school work: here have 4 projects they’re due the same week

me: not that much

[dyslexic-shirmp]

fUCK that was such a good episode of banana fish, emotionally not destroyed just some yut lung looking like a snack for half an hour

[dyslexic-shirmp]

he sHOT him he cOULD have ENDED it ALL bUT NO nOoOOOoo

[dyslexic-shirmp]

oh my god ash loves him so much he just loves him so fucking much

[dyslexic-shirmp]

life was hard enough without shorter wong dying

[dyslexic-shirmp]

boys? with long hair? earrings? a moody personality? damn dAMN

[dyslexic-shirmp]

is it love or lust ❤️💦

[dyslexic-shirmp]

t...titties... ?

[dyslexic-shirmp]

i said i wouldn’t watch the new banana fish before class or i would be too fucked up to go and i still went through the tag like a bastard 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

[dyslexic-shirmp]

ok but no one could ever top how good natsume looked during the moonsplitting festival i’m sorry i don’t make the rules :-/

[dyslexic-shirmp]

sorry i only drink loose leaf tea with cream and cinnamon sugar because i’m a bottom