#senpaispeaks
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dyslexic-shirmp · 5 years ago
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So did Reo and Mabu like have to quit the force afterwards?? What are they doing now?? How do they support themselves??
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jaquesart · 8 years ago
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“Never belittle yourself, never berate yourself. I’ve been telling you this all this time, and I’ll keep telling you if you lose your way again.”
ok so get this
my senpai who i’ve been friends with has been working in my school as a teacher in an arts club
so far so good
back to the present since im just speeding the story up a bit
Rant below if you wanna listen~
lots of stuff happened and i literally am lost right now emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually
a death of a loved one
grieving hands
an implosion of emotions
disowned self
abysmal relations
basically those are just a bunch of words that might not have any meaning to any of you unless i’ve actually talked to you about what happened to me recently
i haven’t been confronting any of my feelings about those things
and neither have my feelings ever wanted to come into contact with me
but still
i went down from the 6th floor of my school where my classroom is to the 3rd floor where my senpai was
it was basically dismissal already but i still wanted to pass by the club room
mm
a few feet later
i entered the classroom where the two teachers stood conversing about the activities, one passionately giving his ideas and the other listening intently. 
The one listening
was my senpai
both of them are marshmallows tbh i love them both a whole lot platonicaly
but anyway
i peeked into the classroom not having any eye contact with them since my gaze was trailed on the floor
but once i stepped in that quiet classroom
suddenly a wave of emotions fell upon me like an unwanted tidal wave of grief, loss, anger, disgust and a little sarcasm somewhere there.
i already had a plan.
i already had a script prepared in my mind if he asked where his Moana book that he lent to me was
i tried to explain to the teacher that was passionately talking just a moment ago
just WHY his book isn’t with me yet
but
i couldn’t
he sort of saw it a mile away i guess
i didn’t even tell him why yet
he doesn’t know..
i told him I couldn’t give it back
i couldn’t even read it
not for the past week
i couldn’t look at Grandma Tala’s art references and all
i lost my own Grandma Tala.
i lost her just when i thought that she’d be okay already
i told him that i couldn’t focus on any of the works at all either
i couldn’t even look at the book
and he just stood there listening
both of them listening
i didn’t really
i mean
i just
i didn’t mean to cry like that
i was supposed to be composed and giggling and 
just grinning like i usually would but
but i can’t
Moana, after the death of her grandmother set forth to sail the oceans with a mission
and i just 
stood there after 3 days of grieving and i was still grieving
but i couldn’t cry
i never did
not until i went into that classroom
ah...
...
...i tried really hard to compose myself
but he knew what was up already and i think
that was a good idea to go inside the classroom
regardless if i had a plan thought out already or not
senpai stood there just listening while i tried to explain myself
teary eyed and wobbly 
the other teacher offered a hug and i accepted it
was that a vent in itself already?
who knows
after that, he told me i’ll be okay
i’ll be okay
i’ll be okay
over and over he repeated it, 
and over and over i listened
it hurt a lot
but i listened
mmm
i promised to return the book tomorrow though just so he can hold onto it since i can’t even look at the book.
so there
after i left the campus i saw teacher senpai again at the lobby of the building next to our school
it was an awkward start but
somehow
senpai sniffed out the very evident and obvious me berating and belittling my self and my art
did i do it for attention?
no
i hope not
it hurt
so why should i need attention when all i needed was for someone to listen
and that’s what senpai’s been doing since dismissal
listening
and im really thankful for that
a few words were said here and there
many times he reminded me
and many times i still froze 
“Criticism isn’t and never was supposed to break someone down and become something that will keep them down forever. It’s supposed to build people up, regardless of how long it takes for that criticism to sink into them.”
“You taught me that, Abi-chan.”
“Never belittle yourself, never berate yourself. I’ve been telling you this all this time, and I’ll keep telling you if you lose your way again.”
then he gave me a hug
and like that, i’m in this situation now
after one hell of a week of 
whatever this is~..
anyway~.. that’s all I wanted to share~..
it’s a rant I know~..
but I hope somehow some of you will listen~..
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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*sees new chapter of 19days* *sprints to the other side of the house* BITCH WHAT THE FUCK
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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you know what
Masaomi Kida was wrong sing
gangs arnt for middle schoolers go home
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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ppl making angst hc for banana fish need to leave havnt we suffered enough
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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me: wanna make art
school work: here have 4 projects they’re due the same week
me: not that much
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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fUCK that was such a good episode of banana fish, emotionally not destroyed just some yut lung looking like a snack for half an hour
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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he sHOT him he cOULD have ENDED it ALL bUT NO nOoOOOoo
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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oh my god ash loves him so much he just loves him so fucking much
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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life was hard enough without shorter wong dying
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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boys? with long hair? earrings? a moody personality? damn dAMN
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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is it love or lust ❤️💦
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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i said i wouldn’t watch the new banana fish before class or i would be too fucked up to go and i still went through the tag like a bastard 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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t...titties... ?
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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ok but no one could ever top how good natsume looked during the moonsplitting festival i’m sorry i don’t make the rules :-/
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dyslexic-shirmp · 6 years ago
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sorry i only drink loose leaf tea with cream and cinnamon sugar because i’m a bottom
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