#I cannot write another names :’)
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Did the devs do Fellow dirty because his name sucks, or did they do him dirty because there is NO WAY this man will ever manage to write it?
A bit early with the Playful Land doodles, but this joke just wouldn't leave my mind.
#this post is brought to you by my incapable ass who also cannot write his name properly lmao#i want him so bad#why must we have to wait another year for him?#mello's drawings#twisted wonderland#twst#Playful Land Event#fellow honest#ernesto foulworth#twst gidel#twst gino#my art#fellow & gidel
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I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the end of her family name.
I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.
Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.
All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:
“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”
Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.
#(the quote is by Richard Woodville in his deathbed will; he was the last of the Woodville brothers to die)#elizabeth woodville#woodvilles#my post#to be clear I am not arguing that the death of an English gentry family name is some kind of giant tragedy (it absolutely the fuck is not)#I'm trying to put it into perspective with regards to what Elizabeth may have felt because we know her family DID feel this way#writing this kinda reminded me of how I am just not fond at all about the way Elizabeth's experiences in 1483-85 are written about#and the way lots so many of the unprecedentedly horrifying aspects are overlooked or treated so casually:#the seizure and murder of two MINOR sons and the illegal execution of another;#her sheer vulnerability in every way compared to all her queenly predecessors; how she was harassed by 'dire threats' for months;#how she had 5 very young daughters with her to look after at the time (Bridget and Katherine were literally 3 and 4 years old);#how unprecedented Richard's treatment of her was: EW was the first queen of england to be officially declared an adulteress;#and the first and ONLY queen to be officially accused of witchcraft#(Joan of Navarre was accused of her treason; she was never explicitly accused of witchcraft on an official level like EW was)#the first crowned queen of england to have her marriage annulled; and the first queen to have her children officially bastardized#what former queens endured through rumors* were turned into horrifying realities for her.#(I'm not trying to downplay the nightmare of that but this was fundamentally on a different level altogether)#nor did Elizabeth get a trial or appeal to the church. like I cannot emphasize this enough: this was not normal for queens#and not normal for depositions. ultimately what Richard did *was* unprecedented#and of course let's not forget that Elizabeth had literally just been unexpectedly widowed like 20 days before everything happened#I really don't feel like any of this is emphasized as much as it should be?#apart from the horrifying death of her sons - but most modern books never call it murder they just write that they 'disappeared'#and emphasize that ACTUALLY we don't know what happened to them (this includes Arlene Okerlund)#rather than allowing her to have that grief (at the very least)#more time is spent dealing with accusations that she was a heartless bitch or inconsistent intriguer for making a deal with Richard instead#it also feels like a waste because there's a lot that can be analyzed about queenship and R3's usurpation if this is ever explored properly#anyway - it's kinda sad that even after Henry won and her daughter became queen EW didn't really get a break#her family kept dying one by one and the Woodville name was extinguished. and she lived to see it#it's kinda heartbreaking - it was such a dramatic rise and such a slow haunting fall#makes for a great story tho
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One day – as far-off as a century, as near as tomorrow – it will all be a grand old story.
The stories will speak of a handful of champions, rushing headlong against time and logic to save the world; the last Blades, the last Septim, and his hanger-on Hero, carving a bloody path to the Temple doors. The stories will tell of skies like burned blood, of fire and ash and uncountable legions of monsters – hundreds, thousands, millions, the quantity rising with each telling – the city streets cracked and quaking, every civilian locked up in their homes and businesses and praying for deliverance. The stories will tell of the appearance of Dagon, red-hot and roiling, a gory perversion of the sun; they’ll tell that when all seemed lost, Martin Septim sacrificed himself in a blaze of glory, calling down the avatar of Akatosh and casting Dagon and his ilk back whence he came. They’ll tell that the golden dragon threw back its head and roared, and the sky cleared and brightened at its word; they’ll tell how it petrified in place, a magnificent pillar of stone, a sacrosanct statue. A site of pilgrimage. A shrine, to the grace and glory of the gods, and the bravery and benevolence of the last Emperor, the best of men.
It will be a good story. All splendour and triumph, a bittersweet victory right out of the epics; the pages closed, the crisis done, the world saved in as golden a resolution as could be asked for. It doesn’t get better than this, a perfect saviour, a hallowed end.
What the stories won’t tell is how, under clear skies and sunlight, the Hero of Kvatch falls at the statue’s marbled feet and howls like the world is still ending.
“You fucking coward,” Pax is screaming, as best as she can. Her mouth tastes like smoke. Her voice is hoarse. “Stupid worm, fucking – selfish bastard – what’s wrong with you?”
His head is swimming, a bit; he shouldn’t have tried to stand, but he – but – he’s dragged himself up to the dais, just about, and managed to sprawl himself over the edge, a snail’s trail of blood smeared along the floor behind him. The copper tang of it is strong in his nostrils. The statue stands, proud and silent, one marble claw dug into the cracked stone of the rostrum. His whole body is beginning to ache – just because of a stupid stab wound in his side, he’d swear he’s had worse, it’s not that bad, it’s not that bad. His throat burns. He isn’t crying. He isn’t.
The sky is so fucking blue.
“What’s wrong with you?” he demands, again, and brings the heel of his hand thudding against the clawed foot hard enough that he feels the impact down his arm, through his blurry head. “Why would you – piece of shit – sorry spit-gill – I thought –”
None of their thoughts will go through to the end. “I thought,” Pax says again, and she’s not crying, and it hurts so much it’s looped back around to not hurting, and it’s all getting fuzzy at the edges, all the world narrowed down to this and this and this and all fucking hell she’d rather be anywhere, anything else. The statue is cold. Her throat is scraped raw. “Come back,” she’s begging without quite meaning to, “come back,” and she drives her palm into the stone again, and the pain sets her reeling.
And all hell, the sky is so blue; the statue enormous; and here they are, at its feet, vision blurring, staring up at its cold marble face. It’s so fucking tall, so proud, face tipped up towards the new-appeared sun, away from them.
“How could you?” Pax says, and then they can’t even see it anymore, blood unspooling from them like skeins of madder-dyed thread. Red has never been their favourite colour. The shape of the dragon, glowing like the sun, is fixed forever on the backs of their eyelids; gold, they think, is worse. The world is detached and floating about them. They taste smoke and then bile. Stone digs fierce into their spine.
It burned like the sun, the dragon; like all the divine light of Aetherius come to earth just to sear the moisture from her eyes. Where it clawed Mehrunes Dagon, his blood boiled; when it screamed, the world moulded itself to its call. Pax hadn’t known what was happening, while it happened; sure as shit doesn’t know now. What they do know is that he’s gone. What they do know is that the dragon didn’t look at them once. They don’t taste ash on their breath, now; just fear, stagnant, sour, blood jangling bitter in their veins and seeping out to soak their gambeson.
It doesn’t hurt, anymore, there’s just this spreading, vague numbness. It doesn’t feel like their body. It’s just a thing they’re putting on. Their ears are still ringing from the crashing-in of the Temple, but there’s a faint buzzing of noise outside. They might be dying. They can’t be assed to get up.
Skeeving asshole. They’re getting blood on the dragon’s immaculate feet. The hollow sounds of voices feels distant. Could well be worse.
Then, “… a healer, here!” they hear, much closer than anything else had been before, paired with the faraway thudding of the door, and “Pax. Pax! It’s – where’s –” and there’s hands on him, a cautious manipulation of his neck, a shifting of his legs. Pressure on his sternum, and then his stomach, and a pained grunt slips out of his mouth, bound up with a slurred curse.
“Stay calm,” says an unfamiliar voice, soft and steady. “I’m just accessing the wound.”
“Go away,” Pax says, or tries to say, but his voice is whispering-hoarse and the dragon looms in the dark even still. He could open his eyes, but what would be the point?
The hands stay on him even when he bucks, holding him steady; they whisper over the stab in her gut, pulling at the drying blood, mumbling words that she can’t be fucking bothered to listen to, one voice known to her already, one voice not; pressure again on the injury, and they try, half-heartedly, to breathe out a swear – and then light, copper-bright, behind their eyelids, and burning heat, and pain pain pain eclipsing all else as something inside them wrenches back into working order, and then their eyes are open and the sky is blue and they are very fucking aware, thank you.
Pax sits up, fast enough to send the world dizzily whirling, and shoves the mage-medic away from them.
“Piss off,” he says – and it’s still hoarse, smoke-throated and scraped raw, but there’s more bite to it this time, more sound. The strange hands fall away from his side, and he looks down. His gambeson is hanging open, cords untied, the emblem of the wolf split clean down the middle. His undershirt is rucked up around his chest, too, so much of his skin is bared to the clear, bright air; all to get to the wound tucked just under their ribs. It’s an underwhelming thing – smaller than they would’ve thought, a thin short slash like a very red mouth has opened itself up in their gut. It’s stopped dribbling quite so much blood, gone scabby with rough healing, though the stuff is still smeared all over their skin, damn near enough to bathe in. It’s barely anything, really. They’re barely even hurt.
“I’m not done,” says the mage-medic, all stern. The wound itches, the taste of hasty magic gone sour in the back of their throat with all the rest of it. “I might have to find my suturing needle. It isn’t too bad, but it can’t be healed all at once.”
“Piss off,” Pax repeats – and all fucking hell it hurts, and he’s sitting up against the statue, legs lolling. He’s dizzy. He ignores it.
Ocato – his fine clothes sooty, face tight as a wound-up spring – says, “Calm down, please – he’s a skilled healer, he knows what he’s doing.” His eyes keep skipping around the room like he’s searching for another enemy lurking hidden in the shadows. “What happened? Where’s the Emperor?”
Ah – not an enemy, then.
Pax tastes bile.
“Not very quick on the uptake, are you?” she says, elbow braced against the statue’s massive marble claws (she hates touching it, she hates it, she hates it, she wants to set it crumbling apart, she doesn’t want to let anyone else touch it ever again). She can’t stop leaning because then she might topple back down again. Fuck, she needs to keep her head on straight – or lose it altogether, whichever happens faster. Her fingers feel cold. “How’re you going to run an Empire when you’re this fucking clueless?”
Ocato looks them in the face; his brow, high and slanted in that way elves have, furrows. “You’re hurt,” he says, in a tone like he expects Pax to argue with him. “Martin Septim–”
“Can’t you see him?” Pax demands, tone torn in half and uglier than they’ve ever heard it before, and they slam the back of their hand against the stone for echoing emphasis. (They want to shatter all the bones in their knuckles, break every piece in their hand one by one, like wishbones. They want it bloody and bruising. They want to scratch its polished-smooth surface until their fingernails tear. They want – they want – they want –)
Ocato, the Empire’s de facto leader, says, “Ah.”
In his plummy robes, all fruit-rich and stained with ash, he looks very stark against the Temple’s cracked marble floors.
“The Avatar,” he says. “If – the Amulet – joined blood of kings and gods –”
“Ocato,” says Pax, leaning heavy against the statue’s hateful foot, “shut up.” Their voice is bowstring-taut; he looks at them, his eyes too golden to meet. His mouth twists. They tip their head back against the stone, glaring up at the chips of blue sky shown in the crater where the roof once was, and try hard to ignore the tugging ache hooked behind their ribs.
It really fucking hurts. Worse than it did before, maybe, like some gauzy veil has been ripped from it. A veil has been ripped from the world. All the colours are too-bright, hideous. Pax breathes, because there’s no alternative, and waits for the pain to ebb.
(It doesn’t, really.)
“The Gates are sealed,” Ocato says, slowly, and he’s looking at her again, she can see out of the edge of her eye. “We will speak later. I’ll have you put up in the Palace until you’re healed. Ah – Quintus, does –”
“As long as she doesn’t go back into shock,” says the mage-medic, busily flipping through some kind of supply bag at his belt, “her odds are good. Lost blood, but I don’t think anything important was too damaged – get a proper examination, all I did was give her a second wind. Stitches, rest, fluids should do it, with luck.”
“Can she stand?”
“Can or should are –”
“Shut the fuck up,” Pax snaps, “I’m right here.” Her back pressed against the cold marble of the statue, her plait half-loose and knotted, filled with ash. The sky is so fucking blue. It hurts like hell – if the healer took her out of shock, then shit, she wishes he’d put her back in. She can see in too much detail. She can feel the skin, damp and ragged and angry. She presses the heel of her hand to the injury; her palm is crusted with dust, tacky with the same half-dried blood streaked over the floors.
Ocato, in the edges of her vision, shifts, all a blur of rich clothes and sympathetic eyes and solemn voice turned soft like he’s talking to an easily spooked horse. “I know.”
The mage-medic clucks his tongue. “Let me take another look first,” he says, and takes a step forward –
Pax kicks out at him before he even gets close. “Don’t fucking touch me!”
“Pax,” says Ocato – and why, why the fuck is the Empire’s de facto leader here, now, babying them like a whimpering little puppy instead of anywhere fucking else, why is he bothering to talk to them all patronising soft, why does he care? They’ve barely fucking met – talked twice, if you can call either of those times talking. Is it because they’re the Hero of Kvatch? Is this what they’ve earned – a bit of leeway as they throw a tantrum, bleeding out at the marble feet of that stupid bloody statue? Ocato looks so fucking tired; Pax wants to hit him in the nose. “You need care.”
“I need –” and Pax chokes it off in a puff of air. The statue looms behind them. There’s blood on the floors. (Traitor liar coward come back come back I hate you come down I’ll knock your fucking teeth in stupid selfish fraud come BACK. LOOK AT ME.)
Pax closes his eyes.
“My gratitude,” Ocato says, “ – our gratitude for what you’ve done cannot be overstated. The Crisis if over. The gates are sealed. Mehrunes Dagon and his ilk can never threaten Tamriel again.”
The knobs of Pax’s braid are pressing uncomfortably against their scalp. They can hear footsteps, coming closer. They don’t respond.
“It’s a great shame we had to pay such a price,” Ocato says, and Pax would fucking love to know who’s we here, “but it’s done. Dagon is defeated. We’ve won.” He’s much too close, now; his voice pitches softer. “Martin – is dead. But he died an Emperor – and a hero to rival Tiber Septim.”
Pax shoves him.
It’s a good fucking shove – knocks him right to the ground, his elbow hitting the marble with a painfully audible crack, Pax standing over him, shirt rucked up, their handprint on his shoulder marked in blood. “You useless, prattling jackass!” they spit, hoarse, and deal a swift, savage kick to his side. “How dare you act like this is a victory! It should have been me!”
Then their head swims, and they’re sitting again on the edge of the dais, palm pressed to their side, the sweaty cloth of their gambeson pushed half off their shoulder and its cord biting into their hand. The mage-medic is kneeling over Ocato, who still lies, stunned; Pax can’t see his eyes, now, but they remember them, brassy with shocked fear. Their bow is off by the wall where they left it. Pax’s palms are sticky with blood. The sky is so fucking blue. No matter how hard she rages the dragon won’t look down at them.
By the time the mage-medic has helped Ocato up, they’re gone. The Kvatch guard gambeson remains, smoke-smelling and crusted with blood, left like an offering at the statue’s feet. The Hero of Kvatch is never seen again.
#posting these two one after another is. fun :)#I lovee characters that just slightly misunderstand each other. causing pain and suffering for ever and ever#martin goes this will be sad for them... but at least I can apologise before I go. and at least there will be people to care for them#and I will at last atone for my many horrid sins (mostly existing and bearing witness to the terrors)#meanwhile to pax. the only person that cares about them + figurehead for their entire sense of purpose and confidence has abandoned them.#the Big Dragon Statue is apt because when martin died he made himself a monster#both the only good thing in the world and the thing that took it away#pax hates him. hates herself for hating him. loves him. hates herself for loving him. cannot fathom anything she knows to be true#about their relationship#If He Cared About Me He Couldn't Have Done This. so he never cared#so the dragon with its head arched to the sky is insult to extremely literal injury#so I will NOT be comforted or looked after thanks. I will die at your feet cursing your name and failing that I will lash out as hard#as I can and then disappear from historical record#(to go break into a physician's office and stitch himself up. pax says to himself that he's had worse but Worse was also major abdominal#trauma that caused hypovolemic shock. the perspective is skewed)#and everything is so so sad forever THE END thanks for reading :D#oc tag#pax#martin septim#the elder scrolls#tesblr#tes#oblivion#fay writes#my writing#hero of kvatch
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wwwhat animal would Hatsune Miku be in the c&c universe
bonus points if you change their name to suit the specific animal
#you awaken within me beasts which cannot be quelled anon. dangerous territory#初獣音ミク translation notes: reading in this case would be shojūne miku. you may notice that its the same name in writing#with another character shoved in the middle. that character (also read as “kemono”) means beast or animal. the character “hatsu”#can also be read “sho” and “kemono” can be read “jū”. so now instead of “first sound” which is what hatsune means#first animal sound. which doesnt really sound punny in english but i thought pretty hard about it okay whatever#c&c asks
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i don't know what would've been worse. if the summons vanished along with rakiel so there was no real sign of him still being alive somewhere out there. or if they were also left behind, waiting for him to come back from a place they couldn't follow him to. either way the possibilities are devastating <3
#i talk a lot <3#cpsm#crown prince sells medicine#cpsm spoilers#rakiel magentano#theodore magentano#my art#fanart#i... forgor the name of the summons. i'll look them up tomorrow OTL#anyway. i think both options are heartbreaking when it comes to theo because if they're also gone then they're something more#to grieve for something more to mourn another proof that his brother is not coming back that he's gone for real#but if they stay. if they remain in the mortal realm. then they're living proof that rakiel might still be out there.#he might still be alive somewhere. and theo has no way of reaching him. he might still be alive but he's still gone#and theo has to move on with his life with a gaping wound he cannot close.#i think to him they would be somewhere in the same zone as damian but with a lot less misguided blame#like. it hurts to even look at them. but he doesn't resent them for something they could've done nothing to change.#is this my way of procrastinating on my fic writing? mayhaps OTL
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Let the world burn by Chris Grey is THE Homelander soulmate au
oh my gODDD ANON. you're so SO right.
I let you get too close Just to wake up alone And I know you think you can run You're scared to believe I'm the one But I just can't let you go I'd let the world burn Let the world burn for you This is how it always had to end If I can't have you then no one can I'd let it burn I'd let the world burn Just to hear you calling out my name Watching it all go down in flames
okay okay so i've had this soulmate au in my back pocket for like, a full year. i have a whole ass tag for it that i've been building up, and i've even explored it as an oc story with @theonlymanintheskyisme. i'm genuinely so infatuated with the concept of an enemies to lovers soulmate au that it rots my brain in the most hyper specific way.
the idea Homelander—despite being told they didn't exist, that he's not a real boy, that labrats don't GET soulmates—was sincerely holding out hope that his One Perfect Person was out there waiting for him WOUNDS me.
now he meets them, they're REAL, he's on cloud nine... only to be struck down by the realization that oh they ALSO want him dead
thanks anon i'm gonna be insane about this for the rest of the day
#i CANNOT start another multichap fic until i finish some of my other ones#but oh my god this au haunts me#i wanna write it so bad#my oc for this au is named June btw and i love her dearly#one of my many oc's i never post about but am always using as stand-in's for reader fics lol#soulmate au#homelander x reader#darling anon#ask and you shall receive#music rec
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Not me creeping up to the wordcount of the fourth longest book ever written
#A Reflection of Starlight#AROS#valvert#fanfic#writing#Hey I switched back to LibreOffice again after setting up my new computer#(RIP my old computer's installation of MS Office 2009)#And also my old computer in general as it is now giving me the blue screen of death upon boot#but ANYWAY#does anybody know how to make LibreOffice stop highlighting formatted areas? BC with Dark Mode it's highlighting white text#which makes it impossible to read my footnote and page numbers#Also I CANNOT believe this program was coded to be so that 'Ignore' and 'Ignore All' options only do so for the CURRENT SESSION ONLY#Like what in god's name???#I spent 3-4 hours reformatting AROS after converting it only to learn that all the 'errors' I told it to ignore just popped back#the second I reopened the document like jesus christ#Why even offer those options if it doesn't do it permanently for that document file#HHHHHHHhhhhhhHHHHHH#I then spent another several hours being forced to change the language formatting to French for all the French bits#JUST so it would stop underlining all of them in red#And there's no way for me to get rid of the underlining on things like cut off bits of dialogue#bc they are NOT proper words and I refuse to add them to my Dictionary (thus polluting it) just to get rid of them#Ugh#So anyway remember years ago how I joked about what if I accidentally wrote a fanfic longer than the source material itself#That being one of the longest books ever written (technically THE longest book ever written#if we're counting the FRENCH version of it and not the English translation#And yeah I know I technically split AROS into 3 books but that was only for reader convenience#It's still one book in my heart#And also because I think it would be REALLY funny to surpass Hugo's wordcount#Which is entirely plausible bc in English it was only about 531k so I only a little over 100k off and I think I can easily make that#with the material I have left to write but is already mostly plotted out
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shi.n's amnesia later route is such an out of character experience bc wdym someone this cute shows me all the love they have for me and i dont healthily communicate with him that im feeling overwhelmed by it.
#❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⧽ — ooc.#GONNA BE HONEST. EVERY OTO.ME PLAYTHROUGH I DO IS OOC FOR ME - i refuse to change the name of the mc unless they make me and even then i#didnt give the heroine my name im sorry heroine ... mainly bc im also playing from a rpers perspective FHDJKADHSJK#but this route is a sharp edged sword. i dont know if i can ever finish it ( i mean i can bc things get resolved and they DO communicate! )#and it goes onto one of the most respected endings ive seen for a chara: having the good ending as him moving away to another place but you#guys staying together long distance bc thats rep! we need!#its just the fact that even min.e and saw.a explain that what is happening isnt fair on him and the convo ends with avoidance ...#that is NOT my heroine sweetie what did they do to you#much love for heroine and everything she stands for but this CANNOT! be me sorry#shin would literally be like perf for the waiter position but he hates everyone but his two childhood friends im sorry you're never catchin#him acting like this unless you're them#hes just young and very forward. very blunt too if he wants a kiss he will inform and then take ... hes tryinggggg ....#anyway good morn i was looking at these at 3am for icons and then promptly fell asleep#time to write one last draft and then queue all i have - ill have 5 drafts left over in total :')#between my two blogs which is! amazing! but i will be focusing on inboxes after ive edited them all#omw to do the amnesi.a call this week. and plotting messages#we're going far kiddssss
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I am once again thinking about how the Rover dwarfs all of Aphra Behn's other plays in acknowledgment and how if people read only one Behn play it's always the Rover but it personally for me was not even close to the most interesting play I'd read by her very early on and it's kind of not a light thing I wanna reread because of the two near-rape scenes
#text post#im not criticizing those scenes for existing or ppl for staging them but like. i. am uncomfortable#which i think most ppl can be kind enough to assume as opposed to making the ungenerous decision that i believe in censorship#but it's tumblr you never know!!!!#aphra behn#yeah when i got the oxford world classics edition of the rover and other plays i read the feigned courtesans first#and i still think that play is more interesting and funnier than the rover but that's just me#im not shitting on the rover at all i just personally cannot find anything in that work that behn doesn't do just as well in another#and the plot of something like courtesans or the lucky chance is kinda more intriguing to me#ive read a handful of other lesser-printed ones recently from the library#my favorite of which has to be the young king... now THAT is a neglected play#but it's also tragicomedy/romance and not her standard stuff so as an exemplar of her writing it's not a good start#still id say the other two i just named. are.
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with my mental health tanking as hard as it is I’ll probably only be writing low energy stuff for a while.
#I cannot say precisely what that will be bc#sometimes a friendo sends smth unprompted and my brain goes that on !!!#but sitting at my pc and writing feels like pulling teeth rn#and I’m not sure if I just need to recharge spend a week or so gaming and reading or just ?!#wait it out#but I’m also organising to go home for a visit which is going to be another#whole thing bc they will dead name me and it’s just gonna be#suck#I love them but they ??? are the way that they are#anyway if my replies have been slow or inconsistent#this is sort of why#I’m in a bit of a heap rn#negative /#ooc.
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truly the only way to write with suspected and unmedicated adhd is to just have five different documents open at any given time and write ten words in one before skipping at random to another
#and somehow this is not confusing#and i have written at least 2.5k words today so far using this method#and i have yet to accidentally write another characters name in place of the one the fic is supposed to be about#like some unfaithful lover saying the wrong name in bed#i'm just multitasking#although earlier i did have 8 wips open but i managed to finish 3!!#i cannot be tied down to one man or one normal and productive way of working#finnie shouts into the void
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I think Cedric and Calamus should be friends and join the club of teenagers with way too much weight on their shoulders because holy shit they deserve good things.
I mean, one of those small details that I always felt were kind of sad was that line Cedric has about not knowing Calamus or Alula... which makes sense in a way, because it was the Author who knew them better. And yet both Cedric and Calamus feel close in age and have similar personalities I am genuinely surprised they weren't friends.
And now considering their circumstances... Both of them need to be the proactive sibling, ready to react to situations that are beyond what teens like them should be doing.
We... never get told what happened to Rachis, although context probably tells us he was one of the NPCs lost to the squares. But even if Calamus and Alula were not aware of that truth, they're both still functionally orphans, and Calamus has made it his responsibility to make sure Alula is okay because she is all he has left.
Cedric is one of the few people aware of being in a simulation, and this by itself is already really isolating. Cedric is also the one responsible for... pretty much ensuring that Niko made it to the city and fulfilled their mission, having to make up plans as he goes. Not to mention the knowledge that his father is gone for good now, and the grief that is tied to it.
And besides all of this, I just really think that these two are alike in personality. Both are really polite, hardworking and responsible. The only big differences are their sets of skills and that Cedric is more willing to take risks on the spot, while I feel like Calamus would be more cautious in his place.
But gosh they could be good friends.
#oneshot game#cedric#calamus#analysis#i am not the most skilled writer but boy do i wanna do something about this yknow#Something something i wonder if Rachis and the Author had a similar dynamic at some point#Oh. another aspect im considering too as a bit of a crack theory. or a way to get some conflict potential#like. we know the cedric we meet is technically a robot.#my personal take on that is that he is made from code and contains as many memories as the original cedric was able to transfer#but when it comes to have actually experienced those things... our cedric knows those are memories. but are not /his/ own. in a way.#calamus and alula have memories that were coded in them but without awareness of their situation they see all of that as real#but cedric knows he is code and thus. he has existed inside. but whatever came before was the memories he inherited but not his own actions#so he recognizes those names. but is actually not sure he really knows them the same way his memories know them#and cannot guarantee he can be the friend they have known him as. because he is who cedric was#but also his own thing#this is a mess to explain but do u see what i mean#like how real he sees himself and how real the future ahead is and who he is aaslkfja#ok im done with my break ignore this rambling. this probably makes no sense.#im just figuring out how i wanna write characters#fic: write your own path forward#< for personal organization
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im sorry for everyone who learnt about my dark past (hamilton roleplayer on facebook in 2017) today thankfully this has made me incredibly capable when it comes to hating the shit out of hamilton
#i went & relistened to it like a year ago as a refresher & i was so fucking balls mad the entire time#i CANNOT stand the writing of hamilton it is so fucking abysmal the songs are so repetitive AND THE DEPICTIONS UGH!!!#its ALL about hamilton & like i know its in the name but every. single. time another 'character' is given a moment#like this is Their moment. it becomes about hamilton again. it is MADDENING. & the amount of history revisionism.#you cant be doing this shit about slavers you fucking dunce for the love of everything you CANNOT
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What is the point of fanfiction if not to manipulate canon to your will like an evil little guy spinning a web of lies
#this is MY world now Jirt#you can’t do shit#(I say this with utmost respect for the brilliant mind that made this universe)#but also YOU CANT DO SHIT JIRT#none of these characters will ever know what is going on#one moment they’re in their world living out an au where everyone lives#the next they’re in the modern world in which I pretend all of their names are completely normal for where they’re living#I change their backgrounds like I change my phone wallpaper (wildly and with little concern of how it looks to other people)#basically this is all a commentary on how I find my own writing to be hilarious#especially considering I change my mind like the days change weather#which is why I actually (fun fact) have only fully completed one work ever#and I had to force myself to do it#I just keep writing until I can’t think of anything else and then I switch to another one and do the same thing#it’s a big cycle#and that’s how I ended up with nearly 300 WIPs for LOTR just sitting in my notes app#:)#for reference I first started writing fanfiction for the MCU yeaaaaars ago and only have 73 works for that one#I cannot stop myself with LOTR#I cannot#it’s my Roman Empire fr
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its so funny being in the cry of fear fandom but absolutely hating leathersson
#most people write it so boring im SORRY#i cannot stand when people mischaracterize simon for the sake of a ship#or pushing sophie's importance to the side for it#also another pet peeve is i literally never see it drawn with simon in his wheelchair its always simon being fully able to stand#i just have too many pet peeves with it to enjoy the ship#CoF#cry of fear#afraid of monsters#simon henriksson#david leatherhoff#i actually dont know if ive seen anyone use that ship name before but surely someone has?
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help
#bc im going insane writing another rumarin fanfic and i need#opinions#on what the middle name would be if he had a child#i cannot make up my mind. like there's the obv choices of other 3dnpc characters or skyrim names#or theres like oblivion names#or...other modded follower names. like. collin#like the middle name has GOT to be something ridiculous bc. i just know he lost a bet or smthn#like imagine naming ur child ... farkas
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