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minerstatus · 4 years ago

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Teyvat’s School for the Gifted

Summary: He's cruel, mean, and sadistic. Lumine cannot fathom why he has the followers he does, but she won't fall into his hands like the rest of them. It was unknown to her at that time how such a stance would cause the biggest uproar the schools ever seen.

This is the silly drama filled high school/college parody AU nobody asked for filled with Lumine not giving a shit and Childe trying to buy his way out of problems.

Ship: Lumine/Childe

Tags: Highschool AU, Enemies to lovers, Slow burn, Jealousy, lots of side ships.

Status: 10/? on Ao3

Chapter 2

She had two options to think about after that ‘encounter’ or whatever you want to call it. Get in line like the rest of the students and eventually ‘hopefully’ her new toy status wears off and she fades into the sea of students. But that would depend on how HE acts after the dinner encounter. And something told Lumine from the way Amber and Barbara reacted to even speaking of the red headed devil he was a force to be reckoned with.

She tossed and turned in the night thinking of different scenarios for the morning.

There were boys like him back home. Maybe not filthy rich, sons of local shop owners, that acted like him. None of them possessed the same air as he did. Being able to part a sea of students just by walking has to be a superpower in itself.

Come to think of it she didn’t even find out where he was from, perhaps she should ask. The more info the better when it comes to defending herself.

She was never one to sit down and take abuse. When she was just in grade school the local boys knew not to mess with her after a few unfortunate incidents. Her mother always told her it was her blonde hair and honey eyes that made her stand out.

It always starts with them testing you. Small things to annoy you, just to see how you react. She would not be able to keep her temper down if that happened. She already had an issue with her mouth as it is.

She turned one final time in the plush bed she had been provided with. The school had made sure even the scholarship students were treated above average. It was impressive, but did little to dampen her jitters.

First day, which means new people and new teachers. Lumine was walked by Amber and Barbara to the faculty building. Razor was found sitting on a bench halfway there. It brought a smile to her face.

Razor had never left Amber’s side the entire night they sat talking. It was girl gossip that Lumine was never into, but enjoyed now that she had some people to actually talk to. Not many people are willing to come to a run-down farm for a sleepover back home. Razor himself didn’t talk much, but Lumine was observant. He sat on her bed and watched her, every action, smile, glance. Lumine was quite interested in understanding what Ambers reservations about him were. She seemed to like him from her perspective.

More questions for later.

A plump woman greeted her at the front desk. She was cheerful, but not like Mrs. Lee was, instead giving off warm motherly tones. Lumine could imagine her doting on all the students she came in contact with.

“Here you are dear.” She handed her a slip of paper with her classes.

“Thanks,” Lumine said quietly as she read the sheet. Alchemy, ancient runes, adventuring 101, history, then finally vision training. She internally laughed at the last class, perhaps they were going to rename it. She pulled on the collar of her school issued cardigan as it threatened to slide off one shoulder.

“Just head out to the academics building Mrs. Lee showed you yesterday and a student will be waiting to guide you to your classes,” The woman told her. Lumine nodded and gave back a genuine smile before turning to leave.

It was easy to pick out the student waiting for her in front of the buildings doors despite the crowds entering and exiting. It was a green haired girl nervously fisting her skirt between fidgeting with her glasses. Two small animal ears poked out from under her main of messy hair. She wore her skirt long, unlike the rest of the student body (and Lumine herself), and covered up with a baggy school issued cardigan like Lumine’s.

“Are you the one waiting for the new girl?” Lumine asked. The girl snapped out of a nervous trance and a blush covered her features.

“Ah! Y-yes,” She stuttered before taking a breath, “Sorry I get nervous easily, my names Sucrose,” she extended a hand.

“Thats a pretty name, I like it,” Lumine said as she returned the handshake. She hoped it might calm her down but Sucrose turned scarlet instead.

“I-I'll walk you to your class,” She mumbled and walked inside. Lumine followed silently, deciding the best course of action was to not embarrass her further.

She led her to a decently sized class of students with a portly teacher standing in the front. He wore robes and a ridiculously oversized wizards' hat. The site was an oddity in Lumines eyes, having only ever had exceptionally plain teachers back home. Sucrose left Lumine at the front of the class as she shuffled over to the teacher, managing to get his attention with a simple clearing of her throat. Lumine decided to inspect the chalk board instead of the students. She didn’t want to know if the red headed asshole was in here yet.

“Ah yes Lumine!” The teacher bellowed and waved her over. She stepped lightly up onto his raised platform as sucrose scurried to her seat in the front row. “My name is professor Rasmodius, take a seat next to Zhongli back there,” He pointed off into the right of the room. Lumines stomach sank at the mention of a familiar name. She dragged herself to the back of the class and slid into the empty stool next to him.

They made eye contact and she swore she could see the gears turning in his mind before he spoke.

“He’s not in this class,” He said in monotone.

Lumine choked on her own spit, “w-what?” she asked him.

“He’s not here, if that is what you are worried about,” He smiled down at her sweetly. Lumine felt her face heat up.

“I don’t care if he's here or not,” She quickly recovered and crossed her arms.

“Hm,” He put a hand on his chin, “You had the same gaze as most other new females.”

“Yes, well sorry for being nervous.”

“Perhaps I have made a wrong assumption, I apologize,” He turned his body to her, “Zhongli of the Wangsheng funeral parlor.”

Lumine fumbled a bit at his words. Was it normal to greet someone with your name and what company you hail from? She eyed him wearily for a moment then decided to screw it. Not like they wouldn’t find out if she lies.

“Lumine of a very poor farm outside of Mondstadt.”

He chuckled in a low deep tone. Lumine felt her façade falling as her heart sped up.

“Sorry, perhaps too formal?” He asked.

“You talk like you are speaking to a business partner,” she told him honestly.

“Ive been told that before, even by my friends,” He admitted. For the first time Lumine’s lips quirked into a teasing smile.

“Alright class today we will be looking into the mythical potions of Esteria! page 103!” The teacher commanded. The room filled with the sounds of turning pages.

“I didn’t get a book?” Lumine questioned.

“You will more than likely get them at some point today,” Zhongli told her as he slid his book over between them, “here share mine.”

“Thanks,” She mumbled, dipping behind her hair to hide her blush. Perhaps her friends were right, most of the group wasn’t that bad.

Okay maybe they were wrong, at least two out of the four were very very bad. She had not seen the infamous Childe today, but after alchemy Zhongli was very kind to walk her to the next class. Relieving a very thankful, yet worried, sucrose from her job.

They talked about small things, mostly how the school was going, what she thought of it, what kind of things she did back in Mondstadt. To her surprise Zhongli seemed genuinely interested in the day to day life of a poor person. He was awkwardly polite with everything, but had a sincerity to him that he wore on his sleeve.

There was just one sneaking suspicion she had regarding the man. How on earth does a funeral parlor have enough money to send their son to this school AND be the top of the food chain. Surely these boys were flooded with money otherwise the attention wouldn’t be as drastic. There were even glares tossed her way as they walked to the next class.

It was nice to have the attention, he had a smooth deep voice that sent her insides into a flurry. That was until they came upon Xiao. The boy was shorter than his tall geo counterpart and crossed his arms at their arrival. He glared at her as Zhongli added another sentence to their conversation. The words fell on deaf ears as Lumine tried to fight back a snarky remark. She had done nothing to earn this glare from him and it was irking her.

“Keep glaring like that and your face will freeze that way,” She blurted out.

“What?” He hissed at her.

“Ah,” Lumine back tracked, she didn’t mean to speak her thoughts like that, “you just look awfully peeved is all,” she decided on. He narrowed his eyes at her.

Day one, mouth already got her in trouble, nice.

They had a standoff for a few moments before Xiao conceded with a huff and turned into the room.

“Don't worry about him, he's weary of newcomers,” Zhongli said from besides her. She looked up to him for reassurance and was once again met with an honest gaze and smile.

“I-” She began to say and stopped to think about it, “I trust you.”

Even if he was lieing, what harm would come of it? She loses a friend she never even had?

Ancient runes was a snooze fest as expected. She sat next to an incredibly ordinary looking girl who should have hissed like a cat when Lumine sat down. It would have made the look she gave her less comical.

But things perked up in Adventuring 101. The class was useless to someone like her. It was basically preaching about basic safety the entire time. Don’t touch pryo slimes, they hurt. Don’t go off fighting electro monsters in the rain, that also hurts. Always have food rations and medical potions on you!

Blah.

She didn’t need this info, but it was a required class. Get a taste of everything before heading off to the college and decide what classifications you want. Stupid rules some adult made to torture the youngins.

It was fifteen minutes into the class. There was a saving grace, she had a seat next to Zhongli. He shared his book with her again and was polite and overly cordial as always. She assumed the class was full with everyone in attendance. There were a few empty desks but students could be sick or the class could have fewer students than desks.

Then HE walked in, opening the door without a care in the world, loudly. There was this beaming, disgustingly fake, smile plastered to him. A girl followed him inside, checking her makeup on a small compact mirror. They seated themselves in the empty spots adjacent to herself and Zhongli.

The teacher scolded him as he walked, but he ignored it with a shrug. His entire demeanor made her want to mop the floor with his pretty face. Just like the boys back home. She made a point to keep her eyes forwards or at the text in front of her. Not wanting to give him any ideas. There was a cold chill crawling up her spine again, he was staring.

The class continued onwards. The teacher quickly dropped the subject of publicly shaming Childe for walking in to class late. They were moving on to something at least slightly interesting she didn’t know too much about. How to read the stars and sun for location and time. It was something she never needed as she stayed close to home.

It was useful to her so she took out her notepad and began to scribble down some text out of the book as she teacher lectured. She made it a few words in before the girl next to Childe giggled in that high pitch way girls do when they are trying to impress a man.

She dared a side glance over to the table and noticed the girl enamored by him. Getting a full view of the back of her head as Childe whispered sweet nothings to her. He sensed her gaze and looked up, making eye contact. She went back to her work before the girl could turn, clearing her throat.

He was testing her; she could feel it. Between yesterday's stare down and this there was no mistaking it.

“Something wrong?” Zhongli asked her in a low whisper.

“Just a little difficult to get work done with so many distractions,” She growled.

“You will grow accustom soon,” He told her. She laughed quietly at his choice of words. Someone needed to remind him he was still a teenager.

The entire period passed with flirtatious whispers and laughs flying.

And not, one. God. Damn. Time, did the teacher say anything to the two culprits. Although something told her Childe was the true mastermind behind the distraction. She tried her best, she really did, but Lumine was never great at keeping her temper in control. Not when it came to completely asinine males making a side show out of a class.

Her pencil lead snapped on her paper.

“Shit,” she whispered.

“It seems you have snapped your lead,” Zhongli murmured. She refrained from calling him captain obvious. There was a chuckle to her right, this time clearly mocking and directed at her, she herself snapped. She turned and with pin point accuracy threw the pencil at her tormentor. The eraser bounced off his forehead, sending the object into an unknown destination in the room.

The smile fell from his features and they traded deadly glares. The girl sitting with him was busying herself cooing over him asking what's wrong. Oblivious to the events that just unfolded. Zhongli of all people fucking laughed.

She turned her glare into a smug grin reading ‘what are you gunna do about it? now shut the hell up’ and turned back to her work. She leaned back and crossed her arms.

“Well played young lady,” Zhongli whispered to her.

The option of fading into the background had vanished.

#chilumi #genshin impact #genshin childe #genshin lumine #genshin fanfic #childe #Lumine #genshin impact fanfiction

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etc-greys · 7 years ago

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Season 14 Episode 8: Out of Nowhere

Songs of the Episode:

You’re Dreaming by Wolf Parade

Synopsis:

It’s the big one, it’s the Season 14 Mid-Season Finale! I don’t know if I can wait until the Jan 18th! Anywho, let’s dive in...

The episode opens with a shirtless Ben prepping for the fire academy. Meanwhile Mer is getting interviewed after winning the Harper Avery, to which she’s unimpressed and feels a bit tortured with their questions. JO GOT CHIEF RESIDENT!! As she practices the speech she plans to give her interns with Alex, she is trying to embody her inner Bailey (aka trying to be scary), but he comically admits that unfortunately she’s not scary. They’re interrupted by the sound of Deluca and Sam in the on call room, something that has been happening a lot recently (bow-chicka-wow-wow).

Carina, Owen, and Arizona are all crammed in the elevator together, and April, who is quiet in the back, represents all of us watching when she points out how awkward it is. Bailey wants to pawn off the surgical contest bestowed to her by Jackson to Webber because she wants to stay in the game, but he rejects her for the same reason. He then only agrees to do it if he can know who the donor is, to which she rebuts that he owes her (for allowing Ben to use his time as a firefighter to be the equivalent of a fellowship, since he will be working in the medic program) and he finally agrees to (but it’s only temporary).

The intern working with Maggie makes an inappropriate comment to the patient about waiting too long to come in, to which Jackson shuts down instantly. Their patient has an extremely awkward interaction with his visitor, making their relationship really hard to read.

Mer’s working with Glasses and their patient makes a joke that he takes literally. Jolex is working a case together! Their patient is a young boy who had a stroke recently. He’s super smart and is up to date on his case, he then comically informs Jolex that his mom has a crush on Karev, and almost as if on cue she walks in. As they leave Jo teases Alex, and he teases back that that’s why he got into pediatrics, for the moms lol. Jackson and Maggie try to figure out their patient and his visitor's relationship, when the woman comes to get them since her father’s not breathing (so now we know he’s the dad). As they are trying to intubate him, the monitor begins to wig out.

In the pit, every patient begins to code, but on closer examination, it’s revealed that they are all fine. Unfortunately one guy found out a little too late, as one of the interns shocked him out of his nice nap (girl ABC’s, or even CAB you check the airway breathing circulation or circulation airway breathing, either way you check that first before you shock someone)!

Owen tells his intern to calm the patients down, because clearly there is a technical difficulty, and what starts off as a comforting message turns south as she begins to get nervous herself.

Mer’s patient is quite nervous for her first ever hospital procedure, but Grey reassures her that she will be fine. Jolex’s patient is experiencing another headache, which could be an indication of another stroke. They go to look at his chart, but the screen is locked. Bailey and Arizona are trying to get into her medical records, when the IT tech comes to help. Then a message pops up on the screen, they’ve been hacked and their medical records and systems are being held for ransom. If they don’t pay, the records will be destroyed endangering hundreds of lives. Bailey speaks with some of the attendings trying to figure out how they are going to handle the situation. At first she yells at IT about the ineffective cyber security seminar, but he informs her that it wasn’t until this coming week (pointing out the irony of the situation). As she tells all the attendings to remain calm and to try not to worry the patients, the FBI walks in, stealing her thunder.

Webber switches everyone to paper charts, and orders everyone to take manual vitals. Maggie and Jackson’s patient is in critical condition and we find out that the daughter is estranged (hence the awkwardness). Mer is in the middle of her surgery when she finds out about the hacking, but they are still able to continue because the monitors in the OR have not been fully compromised yet. Glasses reminds us all of how wonderful technology is because of it allows innovation, but how it is also a dependency that can be crippling at times like this. But Mer is worried that the power could leave her patient in a compromising position, so she contemplates switching to a more invasive procedure to reduce complications if the technology crashes or if she should just continue and try to be as efficient as possible (she chooses the latter).

Carina is awarded OB privileges so that she can help given the hospital is currently understaffed and under cyber attack. Arizona and Carina arrive to the pit for a patient who decided that delivering her baby at home was no longer a satisfying option. She’d prefer to have an epidural and be attached to all machines available (which could be problematic). Carina expresses her excitement over her first patient at Grey Sloan, to which the mother becomes panicked.

Everyone is in line for the only working CT machine, and Owen tries to convey his authority so that he can be pumped up to the front. Karev defends his patient and Owen backs down! Bailey and Webber talk to the FBI and try to figure out a solution. They recall how another hospital handled a similar situation, where they said they defeated them, but off the record the other hospital had paid the ransom. When Webber offers to pay the ransom, seeing how it was only around 5,000 bitcoin, it turns out the conversion is equivalent to 20 million dollars. A fee that he, nor most people can afford. Then Bailey realizes that the surgical contest drew so much attention to Grey Sloan, that hackers figured that the hospital could afford a hefty ransom. Bailey recruits Avery to help since he has the funds to pay the ransom, while still maintaining her promise of keeping the donor of the competition anonymous. He gives her the go ahead, but the FBI official stops her in her tracks. He warns her of the global consequences involved if the hospital pays that amount of money. If they hackers get the money, then they would be motivated to go after every hospital endangering millions of lives. Jackson backs Bailey 100 percent and tells her to give him a call whenever she needs him. Bailey offers to give the FBI a little more time.

Jackson and Maggie decide to transfer their patient. Carina enlists Arizona for her motherly touch and expertise with the expectant mother. Webber informs Kepner, who needs a CT for her patient, that the line is backed up and it will be at least an hour wait. Pressed for time, she stresses for options when Webber suggests an old school trick. On request of a newspaper, the millennial teenagers offer up the newspaper app, but Kepner comes to the rescue as she grabs a real newspaper. He shows them that if you can read the newspaper through the pink tinted IV bag, then the bleeding in the abdomen has not reached critical levels and that the patient should be okay for now.

Jolex’s patient is stable and his CT was clear, so they reassure his mom. Amelia reveals to Alex that in fact he’s likely to have another stroke in the next 24 hours. Jo comes running with their patients night nurse that she’s tracked down, who should know if he received vitamin K the previous night. Unfortunately, he’s not the right nurse, but Jo quickly finds out that whoever the one that night/early morning, was there when Doc McStuffins was on. They figure out who the nurse was, but now are tasked with finding her, even though they have no means of contacting her. They need to know if the patient was given vitamin K or not because that will determine what medication he gets, and if they don’t give him the right medication he could have a severe stroke.

Webber is in his glory, schooling everyone on how it was done back when there was limited technology. He helps Deluca place a patient in trendelenburg position to help slow down his breathing and heart rate. As Owen finally gets to CT, the hospital loses power. Mer is forced to switch to the more invasive procedure and sends a very nervous Glasses to get more blood.

Jackson and Maggie are set to transfer their patient. Jackson opens up to Maggie while they ride the elevator and they find out that they used to go to the same pool growing up in Boston.

Jo interrogates the nurse in an attempt to help her patient, but is being slightly brushed off. Glasses cannot access the blood bank, since the codes/basically-anything-automated is still under attack. Jo finally gets the information she needs and sprints to find the nurse. Jolex’s patient is getting sicker, he literally feels like he’s gonna die. Arizona and Carina’s patient is on the (slow) waddle. But it turns out she’s crowning. Now her patient is extremely scared, but Arizona gives her the best/realest pep talk. Then with her newfound strength, she literally delivers her baby standing up in the hallway leaning on a gurney. Carina feels she’s screwed up with her first patient at Grey Sloan, but Arizona comforts her. Carina then admits that she misses her and Arizona feels the same way! Turns out Carina is super casual with Owen, which opens up the doors for her and Arizona. Speeding past them during their nice moment, Jo sprints to find her patients nurse.

Amelia and Karev are faced with the tough decision, whether or not to give him a blood thinner, even if they don’t know for certain if he had his vitamin K. Mer is furious with Glasses for not receiving the blood. Mer comes up with a solution to her blood shortage, she hooks up Glasses to an IV and does a direct donation to her patient. On the helicopter, Jackson and Maggie subtly show how they feel about each other until they hit terrible turbulence. He grabs her hand to show his support and they start to scratch the surface of their feeling when: their patients LVAD flies loose and BLOOD BEGINS TO SPURT OUT EVERYWHERE. Jackson was the brave soul to fix it. Owen tells Bailey that they need to start evacuating patients, when Bailey puts her medical career and license on the line defending her hospital and patients to the FBI officer. She contacts Jackson to pay the ransom, but his phone is stuck in the blood on the plane and he’s distracted in his efforts to comfort Maggie. Jo finally finds the right nurse, who warns them not to give her patient heparin. She sprints to tell Alex, but he’s already beginning to inject him (with what is presumed to be heparin)!! The screen then jumps back to Jo in the elevator trying to call Alex, but the call won’t go through. (Let the record show that it’s at this point that I started to scream at my tv. Why you might ask, well because she has her back turned to the elevator doors, there’s less than a minute left and I know that something terrible always happens in elevators. Not to mention cliffhangers thrive in the the last minute of a mid-season finale. I knew the devil would emerge, and boy was I mad to be right!) As she turns around after texting Alex “NO HEPARIN,” she looks up to the sound of Paul saying, “Hey Brooke, oh wait it, it’s Jo now right?” We then see Jo in a haze as she’s met face to face with her abusive sickly smiling husband, followed by the black and write Grey’s Anatomy end title.

A Few Additional Thoughts:

I’M SHAKEN! I cannot believe it! I’m in shock, even though I knew he would reappear and that it makes total sense for him to return just as we must break. I can’t even imagine what she must feel like. While I’m looking forward to the way in which they tell this story and it’s importance, I’m just so heartbroken that she must relive her past. I hope everything works out well for her. I truly believe that the mid-season premiere is going to be a Jo centric episode. I think they are going to dive into her past and shed some light on the PTSD that can be accompanied with domestic abuse. I also think it's going to reflect on her time with Alex and the life she’s built for herself. I’m excited to learn more about her character and interested to see how Alex is there for her.

This episode was bananas! I mean are they going to pay the ransom? Will the hackers back down? Will Bailey be able to wire the money? Will Alex get Jo’s text in time? Will they be able to reverse the medication if they end up giving it? Will their patient die? What will Jo say? What will Paul say? Is Jo in immediate danger? What’s in store for her? What will Alex do when he finds out? How will he find out? Will Mer’s patient live? Will Glasses’ blood be enough to sustain the women through her surgery? Will Jackson and Maggie’s patient live given the sufficient blood loss? Why didn’t Maggie stop screaming as all the blood was spurting (I know she was terrified, but don’t scream when all that blood is spurting girl!)? What’s in store for their relationship? SO MANY QUESTIONS AND SO MUCH TIME UNTIL JAN 18!

But we Grey’s Anatomy fans are built for this!

#grey's anatomy #mid season finale #jolex #jaggie

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patheticphallacy · 6 years ago

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Another month, another wrap up.

My second year of University is finished, basically. I’ve submitted my dissertation proposal, am in the middle of all my essays due end of April/early May, and have a new flat for third year.

How time flies!

And I’m 20 in two months! Yay! Exciting stuff!

READING WRAP UP

After the Rain by Jun Mayuzuki [3.75 stars; I have a review for this one, it has it’s issues but I’m hoping it’ll improve as the series goes on]

The House at Pooh Corner by A.A. Milne [4 stars; A.A. Milne came in to my house and purposefully ripped my heart out of my chest from beyond the grave]

RWBY Volume 1: Red Like Roses by Various [3 stars; this has some ISSUES I’ve had with other RT productions, I still love it despite myself tho ]

The Isle of Pines by Henry Neville [1 star; A lot of uhhhh incest in this one]

I Hear the Sunspot by Yuki Fumino [3 stars; this one was quite disappointing, in all honesty, although it is still a cute read!]

Measure for Measure by William Shakespeare [3 stars; this is my first Shakespeare of the year as I work my towards reading all his plays by 25! I was confused at moments, but the reveals were so satisfying, although the ending….]

Sweet Blue Flowers by Takako Shimura [4.5 stars; this is the lesbian manga I’ve been waiting for all my life, everyone! I wasn’t living until I read this]

My Immortal by Tara [1 star; thank you to my friend Zara for finally getting me to read all of this finally!]

The Man in the Moone by Francis Godwin [1 star; this was boring as HECK]

Belinda Blinked 1 by Rocky Flintstone [1 star; FINALLY finished the first part of the My Dad Wrote a Porno podcast, so I’m marking this one as read]

Labyrinth Coronation #9, #10, #11 by Simon Spurrier [4 stars- nearly at the end now! I’ll miss this series, honestly, it’s been consistently great and it’s been so entertaining]

Sparrowhawk #3 and #4 by Delilah S Dawson [3 stars; not a spectacular series, but only one issue left, so I may as well finish it when #5 comes out!]

The Unsound by Cullen Bunn [4.5 stars; this is very disturbing and graphic in terms of self harm and gore, but I loved it? Apparently my brand is loving all the bizarre and gorey comic series people HATE]

Saban’s Go Go Power Rangers #15-17 by Ryan Parrott [3 stars; would consider giving these issues 4 stars purely for Skull and Kimberly, and also Bulk for how cute he was protecting Skull’s heart from being broken]

The Wall of Winnipeg and Me by Mariana Zapata [3.5 stars; a difficult one to rate, as I loved the first half, but once these characters realise they like each other/the one Mariana Zapata Sex Scene happens that is part of her brand, I just get tired and feel like she should have ended it 50 pages before]

On the Death of Peter Stubbe by Scott Wolf [1.5 stars; read this bad boy for Uni and it was actually bizarre]

The Last of August by Brittany Cavallaro [3 stars; I was… very disappointed with this one. The ending was very rushed and confusing, I had to go back and re-read to understand what had happened, but I still love the characters and look forward to reading book 3 in April]

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare [3.5 stars; this was a laugh and would have been rated higher, if not for that whole final scene that just felt like Shakespeare was STRETCHING]

Book Scavenger by Jennifer Chambliss Bertman [4 stars; this is SUCH a good first book in a middle grade series that follows a girl who goes on a scavenger hunt after the creator of the hunt is hospitalised! It sounds darker than it is, I swear]

Kulti by Mariana Zapata [3.5 stars; THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A WHOLE ASS 5 STARS FOR PLOT if Mariana didn’t insist on ending it the way she did, and also didn’t use lesbophobic slurs and weird possessive undertones between the MC and the LI as well as so much girl and slut shaming like… Winnipeg definitely wasn’t this bad]

The Woods Volume 4 by James Tynion IV (4 stars; this series is finally starting to improve for me and I’m so happy!)

Neverworld Wake by Marisha Pessl (5 stars; I loved this book so so much I’m so glad I finally finished it after 2 months of having it on hold)

The Hating Game by Sally Thorne (3 stars; I didn’t really enjoy this much as expected, it definitely has issues that I’m surprised aren’t discussed more like how violent their relationship is before sex ? The MC genuinely thinks she’s going to get murdered by the LI at first)

The Walking Dead Volume 1 by Robert Kirkman (3.5 stars; after putting this down before I’m so happy I ended up enjoying it!)

Wait For It by Mariana Zapata (3 stars; in terms of more problematic material, this is definitely Zapata’s best. I do still think she has pacing issues though, and her sex scenes are so badly written I cringe every time I read one)

Sunstone Volume 1 by Stjepan Šejić (4 stars; another really great read; the art is beautiful, characters are so fleshed out already, and I can’t wait to see where their relationship goes!)

AND MY APRIL TBR JAR PICK ISSSSSS……………………………………….

IT ONLY HAPPENS IN THE MOVIES by Holly Bourne! One of the picks Annie made for me in my ‘Best Friend picks my TBR’ post!

ESSAYS/ARTICLES I READ THIS MONTH

Chubby Rat Gets Stuck in a Manhole: this is the only piece of literature that has ever mattered to me

Authors voice alarm after sharp drop in sales of YA fiction: a very solemn and worrying piece, but I’m hoping the conversation this brought up will continue and this is something UKYA publishers and readers alike can work on to improve the sales and keep YA sales in the UK alive!

When words fail: A possible interpretation of Isabella’s silence in Measure for Measure: This is a response to Isabella’s silence at the end of Measure for Measure, which I read this month. I think it has a tragic ending for Isabella, honestly, and this is a really great interpretation of that scene

The Gay Love Stories of Moomin and the Queer Radicality of Tove Jansson: I can’t be the only person to have noticed the sudden influx of Moomin hype on Twitter, and I am digging it. Reading this is fascinating, and I think it’s incredible how much of Jansson’s life and experience as a queer woman can be seen in Moomin!

Openly gay pro strongman Rob Kearney marries his boyfriend: I will love and support gay athletes till the day I die. This article is so cute.

The Night Country: Melissa Albert previews her next Hazel Wood novel: The Hazel Wood was one of my favourite novels of 2018, so the sequel coming out so quickly is an absolute treat. This has the cover release- American, unfortunately, so I still have no clue what the UK cover will bring- but it does have the first chapter! I love and adore Sophia Snow and I cannot wait to have a new book girlfriend!

TV SHOWS/MOVIES/VIDEOS I WATCHED

Ryan Hollinger’s video on the horror of Coraline. Coraline is one of my favourite animated films, I’ve watched it so many times, and I love seeing people’s analysis of it!

I went on a bit of a Ryan Hollinger kick this month and also watched his Texas Chainsaw Massacre video where he analyses the presence of daylight in the film, unconventional in the horror genre

Karate Chopsticks plays a lot of Professor Layton games, so when I have some downtime where I just want to relax I’ve been watching him!

I watched a video on How Guillermo del Toro deals with trauma in his films that I found fascinating! It specifically talks about The Devil’s Backbone and Pan’s Labyrinth

With my friend Zara, I started the K-Drama BOYS OVER FLOWERS, which I’m honestly loving. It has some issues, but it’s basically a staple k-drama and I’m loving watching it and talking about it with her

MUSIC I’VE BEEN ENJOYING

Sucker by Jonas Brothers [I never really cared about these guys coming back but I’m glad they did, this is a really neat song]

SOS by Jonas Brothers

Big Time Rush by Big Time Rush [a TUNE]

Just in general I’ve really been enjoying The Band CAMINO, my favourite song by them is definitely Daphne Blue!

REVIEWS I POSTED

In Other Lands

Heartstopper

Starry Eyes

Four Film Reviews: The Village, Holes, Stardust, 13 Going on 30

Netflix Thriller Reviews

Three Manga Reviews: After the Rain Vol 1, RWBY Vol 1, Sweet Blue Flowers

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5 Major Scare Campaigns Based On Less Than Nothing

Take this 17th-century portrait of a lady preparing food while a black servant gives her an expression that seems to ask “Why are your boobs out?” The woman in the picture is Nell Gwyn, comedic actress and mistress to English King Charles II, who sent this lusty portrait to her lover sometime during their 16-year affair. The very suggestive piece shows a virginal white Gwyn flash ample cleavage while “stuffing sausages,” which we’ll assume was the Renaissance equivalent of sending the eggplant emoji. The original picture, made by a wisely anonymous painter in the late 17th century, is only a little larger than a postcard — not big enough to hang on a wall, but probably just about the right size to carry around in a king-sized pocket and show to his ducal bros.

Flash-forward to 1828, and this self-portrait by Boston painter Sarah Goodridge might be the first sext selfie. And unlike Gwyn, Goodridge knew there was a quicker way into a man’s unmentionables than some subtle iconography:

Sarah GoodridgePerhaps the slightest bit less coy than the last example.

She sent this as a gift to none other than U.S. senator Daniel Webster. It’s a miniature painting, measuring around 2×3 inches, which was popular at the time. Pretty useless for display, but handy for, say, keeping it hidden from your wife. Webster and Goodridge insisted they were only close friends, and historians have found no evidence they were doing the wild thing. Except, of course, for exhibit Double D.

Naturally, when cameras came along, sexting became a lot easier. The media already knew about the trend as early as 1860, warning ladies against the improper behavior of “giving daguerreotypes of themselves to young men who are merely acquaintances.”

New York LedgerYou can almost hear #KnowYourWorth quietly echoing back through history.

And during the early 1900s, it was common for women to send racy pictures of themselves to their husbands on the battlefield to show them what was waiting at home (a very blurry half-dressed woman). There are plenty of attics everywhere that might contain such saucy pictures in a dusty box, claims English Professor Joshua Adair — a fact that he likes to illustrate to his horrified students by showing them a photo he found of his pantsless grandmother.

Joshua AdairLearning about family history is fun until you reach the truth: Your grandparents boned. Hard.

People Were Using Selfie Sticks In The 1920s

Selfies might be the worst thing Millennials have embraced with outstretched arms, apart from Nazism. But until recently, selfies had been an awkward thing to pull off, holding the camera as far away as possible while as your trembling hand tries to frame all of your friends’ duckfaces. In came the selfie stick, still the most divisive popular invention of our time. Some people love them, other people love that they cause users to sometimes walk onto train tracks. But for all the crap oldies give kids about their selfie sticks, they’ve been around for almost a century.

Of course, selfies themselves started around five minutes after the camera was invented. But surely, selfie sticks had to wait until cameras got tiny or people’s biceps got massive, right? That’s why the selfie stick only officially dates back to around 2005. But when BBC News mentioned this in a column recently, it prompted one reader, Alan Cleaver, to send them this photo of his grandparents from 1925:

Alan CleaverThis filter sucks. Try Dust Bowl.

The dashing gentleman in the pictograph is Arnold Hogg, simultaneously using the earliest known selfie stick and conveniently providing photographic evidence of it. Unfortunately, the context of this image has been lost to time, but if you look at the picture, it’s quite obvious that that’s the face of a guy who just invented the selfie stick, while the expression on his wife’s face is definitely that of a woman who just realized she married the inventor of the selfie stick.

Text Speak Dates Back To The Telegraph Era

We’re always hearing about how SMS, Twitter, and other quick messaging platforms are destroying the English language by converting it into a bunch of shorthand gibberish. Not like in the old days, naturally, when people wrote out all of their correspondence in full with a quill pen. But now, with their abbreviations and emoticons, Millennials are all hammering out 140-character screeds that look like a shitty Rosetta Stone translating bad English to Pac-Man hieroglyphs.

And that’s probably the same complaint that people had when everyone started doing it back in the 1870s.

Back before the telephone, there was the telegraph, which you might liken to an early form of SMS. You’d write a short message and pay your local operator to tap it out in Morse code to your chosen recipient. But telegraphy was expensive, and it charged by the letter, meaning eloquence could easily cost you an entire week’s salary in the nickel mines. As a penny-pinching response, people derived a shorthand language that looks remarkably similar to the kind of text speak that Baby Boomers complain about today, as you can see from this 1901 textbook:

Google Books

In fact, a lot of accursed Millennial speak can be traced directly to the abbreviations used by fast-tapping telegraphers. Most notably, the letter “U” for “you” or “R” for “are.” Telegraphers also used “ty” for “thank you” and “pls” for “please.” And though they didn’t say “LOL,” they would indicate laughter with “HI HI” (which required fewer dots than either HA HA or HE HE).

Maybe the most surprising acronym to come out of this era is “OMG,” which has been traced as far back as a letter from Admiral John Fisher to Winston Churchill in 1917:

Fisher’s Memories“OMG, R U gonna come intercept the German fleet or wut??? :p :p :p #imonaboat”

A Whole Bunch Of Historical Figures Used Stand-Up Desks

If you work in an office, you might have heard that sitting is the new smoking. (Also, leaning is the new doing meth. Tell your friends.) So in order to combat the tyranny of comfort, the hip new trend in offices everywhere is the standing desk, used frequently by Millennial workers who buy into the often-disputed health claims, thinking they’re better than older generations who sat down their entire lives and didn’t act like precious snowflakes about it. Well guess what, bitter old man we made up: You’ve now called our Founding Fathers snowflakes. Traitor.

Turns out that a whole host of historical figures found it preferable to do their desk work on their feet. It’s purported that Leonardo da Vinci liked to draft his anachronistic contraptions standing up. In more recent times, we have firsthand accounts from lots of writers and politicians who liked it better that way, including Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson.

Wilhelm, Kotelmann, Bergstrom, ConradiWe may have improved on the design, but they were seriously ahead on their grade-school suit game.

The biographers of Lewis Carroll, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Virginia Woolf all also claimed that their respective subjects cranked out their books on their feet. In 1888, philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche even snapped at the novelist Gustave Flaubert, who claimed, “One cannot think and write except when seated,” by saying, “The sedentary life is the very sin against the Holy Spirit. Only thoughts reached by walking have value.” Which is kind of the 19th-century version of what an obnoxious Millennial would say to their manager while slurping on a pumpkin spice Frappuccino.

Of course, before standing desks were popular enough to be mass-produced, most people were forced to jury-rig them. Here’s a photo of Winston Churchill working at a desk that looks to have been propped up on some kind of cabinet:

PA via The Winston Churchill Project at Hillsdale CollegeA liquor cabinet, we assume.

Ernest Hemingway also improvised his own standing desk by putting his typewriter on top of a bookcase, claiming, “Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up.”

Life Magazine“For sale: writing chair, never used.”

Then there’s this photo of 30-year-old Marvel Comics co-founder Stan Lee (yes, he was young once), who made a standing desk out of a bench on top of a table so that he could write not only standing up, but also outside and shirtless. As he claimed: “Always wrote standing up — good for the figure — and always faced the sun — good for the suntan!”

Stan LeeIm trying to absorb as much solar radiation as possible. You see, Ive got this theory …

Adult Coloring Books Date Back To The 1960s

In 2015, the publishing industry saw a considerable spike in profits when coloring books for adults became the hottest new trend, even if they’re already on the way out again. Of course, there’s no considerable difference in execution between coloring books made for kids and those made for adults, except one is to to get whiny brats to shut up, while the other is for kids. (Ha! Take that, Millennials!)

Except that adult coloring books were also a fad for another generation: the Greatest Generation. Coloring books have been published for adults since the early ’60s, and they carried the same cynical tone toward our stressful day-to-day existence. 1961’s The Executive Coloring Book featured images of a man going through his daily routine, with satirical captions like “This is my desk. It is mahogany. I wish I were mahogany” and “This is my suit. Color it gray or I will lose my job.”

G.P. Putnam’s Sons Publishing

G.P. Putnam’s Sons PublishingThis is the empty spot in my soul. Please color something … anything … there so I can feel joy again.

In 1962, the JFK Coloring Book became the first coloring book to hit the New York Times bestseller list, where it stayed there for 14 whole weeks. It contained 22 pages of mockery aimed at the Kennedy administration, with instructions to paint Kennedy “red, white and blue,” and to color the noses of his staff “burnt umber.” It’s nice to see that conservative humor hasn’t lost any of its staleness today.

Kanrom Books

Kanrom Books“Burnt umber. Because of poop, you see …”

The John Birch Society Coloring Book made fun of a prominent ’60s conspiracy theory group (kind of the Infowars of the Cold War):

John Birch Society

John Birch SocietyUsing a red crayon, color the LIES. Dont limit yourself to just this book!

Jokingly, it even contained one totally blank page, with the caption “How many Communists can you find in this picture? I can find 11. It takes practice.”

Women Were Getting Sleeve Tattoos And Nipple Piercings In The Victorian Age

Have you ever heard someone make that overused joke about how ridiculous hipsters with sleeve tattoos are going to look 40 years from now? Goodness, we’ll have entire retirement homes filled with saggy bodies look like Salvador Dali’s droopy phase! Not like in the past, when a tattoo was nothing but a tasteful picture of an anchor on your Navy granddad’s bicep, or a cheeky little butterfly on your hippie grandma’s left ankle.

Well surprise! There’s nothing new about chicks getting inked up. In fact, the trend dates back at least to the mid-1800s. Like anyone getting a buttload of tattoos, their reasoning also had to do with rebelling against societal norms and regimented gender roles, with the added bonus of looking cool as hell. Many notable aristocratic women in the Victorian era were known to have tattoos, including (rumor has it) Winston Churchill’s mom.

But it was, of course, the lower classes that got the most out of being as anti-establishment as possible. Many of the poor and downtrodden, the people you never read about in your textbooks, inked themselves up as elaborately as the patrons of your average modern craft beer festival.

Eisenmann Cabinet Card

The Plaza Gallery, Los AngelesTurns out Suicide Girls goes farther back than you thought.

Those two hipster assholes are Nora Hildebrandt and Maud Wagner, a couple of circus performers from the late 1800s who became well-known for their elaborate body art. But the controversy around these colorful women didn’t end at their tats. They caused quite a scandal when, in order to display every inch of their art, they would lift up their petticoats to show them. Leave it to the Victorian Era to be more disturbed by a bare thigh than a full-body tattoo.

But are tattoos really the most shocking thing 19th-century ladies could stab onto their bodies? Not even close. That honor goes to the Victorian nipple rings. While historians find it difficult to properly research things like Victorian peachrangs due to the intimacy and secrecy involved, some European medical journals have been uncovered that reference their female patients’ nipple jewelry as far back as 1857. Sometimes they were even connected by chains, because your great-great-grandma was much more hardcore than you will ever be. Some women thought that the procedure allowed them to develop bigger, rounder, firmer breasts due to the “constant excitation of the nerves caused by the rings.” And if you were a woman in the 1800s, excitation of the nerves was in short supply.

So what about the dudes? Surely, Victorian men wouldn’t dream of getting something as metal as a dick piercings? Well, not only did they consider them fashionable, but even a sign of modesty. You see, another fashion fad of the mid-19th century was incredibly tight-fitting pants — so tight that they left very little to the imagination. To better tuck their little sinners away from God-fearing eyes, well-off men would anchor their enormous Pride And Prejudice penises with a rod of metal (later called a “Prince Albert”) inside their pants to not fluster any godly women. So if you’re ever feeling insecure, take a moment to remember that your great-granddad probably had to use a barbell to secure his titanic manhood under his trousers. You won’t thank us later.

S Peter Davis is the creator of the Three Minute Philosophy YouTube series, and is the author of the book Occam’s Nightmare.

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