#I cannot thank you guys enough for reading my little gay fanfic | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gaybd1 · 1 year ago

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chris watches twilight for the first time

omg this blueish filter is wild is this like a Pacific Northwest thing

that girl is not tan enough to be from arizona

also I’m getting big gay energy from her so idk how this movie is gonna be like. plausible.

if the dad wasn’t a cop I’d definitely smash

do u guys remember though when they used to cast ACTUAL teenagers for teen roles? refreshing

wow this guy in the cowboy hat has MAJOR swag

oh nooo Taylor Lautner I grew up with him and he sucked (real)

idk why ppl always shat on kstew being like inexpressive in this??? seems fine??

all these vampire siblings date each other?? lolololol

so far this seems like a fun little teen drama idk. it’s so blue though

Edwards stare is so intense I KNOW rpat had a great time with this lolol

Lolllll imagine seeing someone try to switch classes to avoid u but u don’t even know them??

the daughter-distant father awkwardness is v nice, v realistic

ugh this dad is so hot

Does Edward have RED eyes girl that sounds like a red flag get away

Ok this soundtrack sucks

Wait so his eyes change? Why?

wow he stopped a bread van for her w his muscles how romanticccc

also how small is this school like how does everyone know her?

vampire doctor creeps me out

lol his name is carlisle what a square

taking bets at how soon he tells her he’s a vampire it’s probably pretty soon I’m gonna say like around the one hour mark

girl is she having sex dreams about him

God Edward really is so creepy eh

Lautner’s Michigan accent is sooo bad in this omggg I can’t

are these new vampires?? the whole eating people thing really disrupts the tone of the story

So gay of bella not to care about the dress shopping. And also just skipping prom lol

Edward just following her everywhere RUN GIRL

“I should make sure Bella gets something to eat�� most awkward and obvious way to ask for a date

So she’s def a vegetarian and he def doesn’t eat people food

We’re like 40 minutes in and he’s already telling her lol

Anyway why can’t he read her mind is this like a soulmate thing

This is soooo fanfictiony lmao

So she finds out he can read minds and just lets it go lol

Edward is such a dumbass though she figured him out so easy lolllll

And now she’s having vampire sex dreams lmaoooo this movie is great

Oh here it comes the “I know what you are” “say it” lol I only know this scene bc it’s from a meme or something

lmao this speed animation

is he about to sparkle

BAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS SO UNSERIOUS

god they’re both crazy girl why are you so into him and Edward why are you so obsessed w her

ok yeah some of these lines suck

First of all these kids are missing class and for what

Second of all I cannot IMAGINE being a teenage straight girl seeing this for the first time when it comes out and basing my ENTIRE personality on this shitty ass self-insert fanfic ass plot

Girl how the hell can you be in love with him already

That’s so high school, they’re only walking together and people somehow know they’re together?

oh wow so the doctor turns these kids to stop them from dying that’s neat

I used to live only off tofu and I was very satisfied thank u very much

Wow he’s special about reading minds that’s convenient

He’s such a kid w her that’s not what I was expecting but I like it

They’re making Italian food for her bc her name is Bella lmfao

WOW anger issues much

He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t stop going to school, he doesn’t eat, terrible existence

Was that the author in the diner

HOLY FUCK HE SNEAKS INTO HER HOUSE AND WATCHES HER SLEEP RED ALERT

DONT KISS THE GUY WHO WANTS TO EAT YOU NOOOOO

there are so many problems here lol

Dad just messing w his gun at the kitchen table, so cop coded

So American coded actually lol

Wait Edward is gonna meet him w the gun there lmao

Vampire baseball lolllll

This is just one big incest nerd family

They could have tried a little harder w the cgi for such a big budget?? This looks like the CW. Feels like it too actually

FRENCH bad guy vampires??

These stakes seem suddenly way too high??

Don’t break the hot dads heart nooooo

This really does feel like the CW though

Yeah no Rosalie is right why does that family care about Bella so much like she’s a high school girlfriend not a wife lmao

I think I’m dumb but I don’t entirely understand what’s happening here like did Bella go back to Arizona?? Why did she have to go so far to get away from this guy

FUCK is he gonna run all the way to Arizona now lol

I just don’t know how things got so suddenly so dramatic like can’t this James guy just let it go why is he going to so much effort this just all seems so silly

Wow Black Swan

yeah again idk why everyone was hating on kstew’s performance in this, it’s good

How did Edward get there so fast is there like some portal between Arizona and Washington isn’t that like a 1-2 day drive?

This is a fancy ass ballet studio btw

Yeah this fight scene sucks

So Mufasa coded “Remember who you are”

What is happening to Bella now she doesn’t turn until the last book right? (I’ve never read it idk)

Why did that guy have venom?????

Wow finally creepy Edward gets what he wanted and can drink her up…… he ain’t gonna stop

Oh I get it he stops w the power of love. Okay. Whatever.

This SONG sucks

“You lost a lot of blood” yeah THANKS Edward

Oh god the old ass cellphones. Throwback.

Not sure why she’d need oxygen w the injuries she had tbh am I missing something or is it for drama

“You’re in here bc of me” damn straight

Go to Jacksonville Bella (I know she won’t)

Don’t be a baby about it Bella????

Oh fuck is she going to prom? THATS not gonna create School Drama at all…

“Alice lent me the dress” yeah you’re too gay to own any

I know it’s bc of my issues w lautner as a person but I hate Jacob and I ALSO hate that lautner claims to have “distant” indigenous heritage bc that is another thing that he didn’t have when we were kids so why is he playing this guy

“Should we dance?” “You’re serious?” Bro you came to prom together wtf did u think u we’re gonna do

All the music in this movie sucks ass

I don’t usually advocate for this with vampire stuff but I’d have less of a problem with the creepiness of this relationship if he DID turn her

If MY bf was a vampire I wouldn’t want to be human either wtf

Okay yeah I mean that movie was whatever. Glad I understand the pop culture references now I guess

Oh no oh wait oh god I gotta watch the rest of these movies now don’t I…. Please tell me they get better

#text #twilight liveblog

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maxdurden · 2 years ago

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get to know me

i was tagged by the amazing @johaerys-writes, thank you so much!!!

Share your wallpaper: my phone background is really dope artwork of arthur morgan from red dead redemption 2. the art is sooo pretty and i’m sooo lazy so i haven’t changed it even though i haven’t played the game in months lmao. my desktop wallpaper is just,,, a black screen. which is really messed up, but it glitched out and deleted my old wallpaper (which i don’t even remember rip) and,,, ya know, the aforementioned laziness

The last song you listened to: Morbid Stuff by PUP

Currently Reading: i just finished the v1 titans run of comics (1999-2003)!!!! i literally can’t recommend it more, it was so fun ough. but i’m currently in that phase after reading something really good where you can’t read anything else because of the misery of finishing a good read. it’s rough. honorable mentions go to the copy of the great gatsby that my coworker has been trying to make me read,,, (i’ve gotten through an entire one (1) page of it, sorry steve), and buy back the secrets, which is an incredible fanfic that everyone who likes timkon should go read immediately or i’ll kneecap your closest friends and relatives <3 (also also also in the family of things by @deadchannelradio which is so incredibly amazing and even tho i finished it a while ago i think it should still count for this because everyone should also read it immediately, the kneecapping threat still withstanding ofc)

Last Movie: Batman: Year One (with @darkravenstag, can you sense a pattern in the media i’ve been consuming jesus christ)

Craving: tattoo, tattoo, tattoo, tattoo, tattoo!!! (i’m broke)

What are you wearing right now: white soft sweatpants, my fluffy housecoat, and a shirt that says “i ❤️my gay cat” which was a birthday gift from @darkravenstag

How tall are you: last time i checked i was 5’4 but god knows if that’s changed by now (i doubt it), apparently that’s 162 ish centimeters

Piercings: i have piercings in my ear that i got when i was like,,, four years old that are somehow still around god bless them. and i have a septum piercing. i really desperately want an industrial next

Tattoos: only one!!!!!!!!! it’s a neat little ouroboros but by god do i need more desperately

Glasses? Contacts?: nope, got that 20/20 vision, babey

Last drink: water (i honestly rarely drink anything but water)

Last show: i guess probably technically the mandalorian? it’s in the middle of its new season and @darkravenstag and i are watching it when it releases weekly :3

Last thing you ate: ice cream sandwiches,,,

Favourite colour: i’m really bad at making decisions like this lmao. i don’t know myself well enough to know my own favorite color, if i’m tbhing. but a lot of different shades of blue are nice, and i like burnt orange and mustard yellow type vibes. green is also nice! so who knows

Current obsession: god i wish it weren’t obvious. to all the folks who started following me because of my greek myths stuff (and that includes you jo lmao) uhhhh sorry. greek myths were THE hyperfixation for like,,,, three or four years but dc comics is back in a big way. i simply cannot stop thinking about these little superhero guys,,,,

Unrelated Obsession: right now??? i’m not kidding when i say that dc comics has left me with literally no other computing space in my brain. like i’m at the stage of brain rot where having a conversation about something that isn’t dc related is a little bit hard,,,, it’s abysmal out here guys. but i’ll give a shout out to greek myths,,, when will my interest in the iliad and odyssey return from the war??? my brain basically works in two modes, which are dc comics nerd and pretentious classics obsessive, so eventually the classics hyperfixation will return but i couldn’t tell you when that’ll be

Any pets: i have two cats!! their names are achilles and briseis and they are the worst little creechers but also god’s greatest gift to humanity (achilles is currently curled up in my lap purring his stupid little head off). they turn six this april!!!

Do you have a crush on anyone: lol uhhh sure

Favourite fictional character: this is an incredibly mean question actually. you want me to pick a favorite son??? i am holding my hands over jason todd’s ears while whispering dick grayson,,, but also if we’re allowed to include ocs then rn everyone can get fucked because my baby wes is having a renaissance (in my head)

The last place you traveled: lmao the last place i traveled was back to my hometown (a small town in northern indiana) for the county fair this summer. the ice cream at the local ice cream stand is still the best in the country and i’ll die on that hill but yeah i’d kill to travel a bit more soon but probably won’t really travel until my sister’s wedding happens in georgia in october

tagging @darkravenstag @thrustin-timberlake @deadchannelradio @sarcasticbeanie and any other beloved mutuals (or followers!!) who wanna do this! it's fun, have fun!

#get to know me #tag games

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sunriseverse · 6 months ago

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💚 and 🏳️‍🌈 please?

oh no fixa i am so sorry i utterly forgot about this ask! getting to it now, my apologies! thank you for the ask :) these are all very fun questions!

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

i have...........a lot of things to say about fanon characterisations for so many characters but the fanfics where wu xie is written as this bright-eyed ingenue who is not only unaware of how the world works but clueless about this fact ticks me off so horribly badly. wu xie is not an idiot. he is, i cannot stress this enough, called tianzhen specifically in the context of being wet behind the ears in the tomb-raiding business. and, also, as canon shows, even then that's not necessarily the full truth! i think this comes a lot from people wanting to shoehorn his ships (usually pingxie) into archetypes and the most common archetype is the dichotomous "naive virginal younger man-older loner guy who's more experienced", and, fine. if you want to write archetypes, i guess that's your prerogative. but it's not canon and, more than that, it's a little bit insulting? both to wu xie, and to the fact that, canonically, he's a human being who is complicated and is, in fact, more aware than people give him credit for. but i shall step off my soapbox now before i say something that comes off as too bitchu.

🏳️‍🌈: Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh god. um. i'll be honest the majority of the time i think that characters can have some argument for them being lgbt made based on canon, because so much media is just........wildly unaware of the fact that things could even be read as lgbt in some way, because it's mostly aimed at straight people! since, you know, they're the majority of the population. but i guess from things i can think of, i've seen people headcanon jung sunah from tdj as sapphic in some way and i'll be frank. as wildly attractive as i find that frankly despicable, reprehensible woman, i cannot see in any world her being anything but painfully heterosexual. like, generally in my experience gay people, especially sapphics, don't act like that because we spend our entire lives fully aware of the fact that the people we're attracted to aren't probably ever going to be attracted to us, coming to terms with that, and, on top of that, having a very firm awareness of the danger pursuing people who aren't attracted to us. so yeah, while it would please me if i were able to believe this, i just can't. sorry sunah, you are forever straight to me.

#ask meme #ask #c.txt

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winchest09 · 4 years ago

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The Bunker Party - Sept Debrief

Hey my darlings!

We promised you a bunker edition of our Bunker Party and man...we were not lying. We have SO much stuff to share with you, my little excited fingers cannot type fast enough.

September’s Bunker Party was just amazing. It was so lovely to see so many new faces! My cheeks still ache from the laughs and it was so lovely to see so many of you sharing your love for all things Supernatural. Seriously, SPN does have THEE best fandom and I’m so glad to be a part of it.

6 and a half hours we were hanging out for…SIX AND A HALF! To see so many beautiful faces, hear so many lovely voices and to spend time with new people was just a dream! The support from you guys for each other, the love in this fandom; I can’t express how much I adore it.

Me and @katehuntington love holding these events and we are already planning the next live stream (date to be announced) but it will be in October and my even hold a spooky theme...

So…to the debrief!

Below you will find:

Everyone who joined - their tags, what’s coming up fic wise and their masterlist.

Announcements, News and links to Patreons!

Challenges to join - we have five!

Blogs who want to help with your writing

Graphics and Icons

Fic & blog recs

So without further ado… *cracks fingers*

You are the guys that make it the live stream what it is, and we can never thank you enough. So below is a list of everyone who was on the chat yesterday accompanied by their masterlist and a little blurb of what they have coming up soon! For your reading pleasure and in no particular order…

@katehuntington: The new chapter of Ride with Me is out NOW and she is currently working on the next instalment. The Sullivan Series is now scheduled to be posted every FRIDAY and if she can, she’s posting twice a week! So keep your eyes peeled for that and she is going to be finishing All I Want soon too!

She is also hosting a challenge that you can find out about below!

Her masterlist can be found HERE

@talesmaniac89: This beaut has been working a lot on editing images lately, making aesthetics and dividers for everyone to use! More on that further down. Besides that, she has a new chapter of The Man in Apartment 43 coming out. The next chapter of Missing in Action as well as the next one of Lost.

She also is working on another two AU series that are top secret at the moment...watch this space ;)

Check her out guys, her masterlist is HERE

@waywardbeanie: Shelli has come so far in the matter of a few months. From being a reader to now a series writer! This absolute gem of a woman is working on her very first fanfiction called “A Man Of Letters” and it’s an absolute DIAMOND. Dean. Letters. Fluff. Smut. It’s gonna tick all them boxes and it’s a must read!

She is now ALSO working on her second series, Life on Tour, an RPF Jensen x reader going live on October 1st! Find the announcement and her AMAZING tour video...HERE

Call my a fangirl, cause I am THERE.

You can find her masterlist HERE

@smol-and-grumpy: Nat has such a juicy masterlist. She is a few chapters away from finishing Euphoria and has already announced her next series Golden Cage!

She is also hosting a challenge at the moment that you can find out about below.

You can find her masterlist HERE

@atc74: We were thrilled to see Ang on our livestream. She has just celebrated four years on tumblr and she has such an extensive masterlist of goodies!

As you may have seen, she’s currently rewriting Souls to Souls as well as a new idea that she’s cooking up. Watch this space!

She is also hosting a challenge at the moment that you can find out about below.

Her masterlist can be found HERE

@whatareyousearchingfordean: Alex is nailing it at the moment with her fictions. She’s currently posting Happiness Continued (the sequel to Happiness Begins) and she’s posted some delicious new oneshots since we last saw her. She also has other idea’s that she is working on so keep your eye on her blog if you’re not already ;)

Her masterlist can be found HERE

@flamencodiva: Vanessa is currently reposting her works back onto a new blog that she has created. She is posting Getting Back to You at the moment, as well as some of her old oneshots. I also know, thanks to some little birds, that she has some AMAZING new series just waiting to see the light of tumblr...you’re not gonna be disappointed.

Check out her masterlist HERE

@superfanficnatural: Mert has took some time away from the writing world but nothing could keep him from showing his fantastic self on our livestream. He’s slowly getting back into his writing thanks to much encouragement ;) and is chipping away at the next add for his series The Choice.

He has some other series in the works, a couple of collaborations that he’s got under his belt too...

We’re living for it!

Go and give him some love, his masterlist can be found HERE

@deanwanddamons: Sian is an absolute sweetheart and is working on a few things at the moment. She recently completed her reblog challenge for August where you can find a DELIGHTFUL masterlist HERE.

Aside from that, she’s got three WIPS and I know of some oneshots AND a new series she’s cooking up. OH, I am excited!

Her masterlist can be found HERE

@jensengirl83: Brandy is an absolute doll and we adore her. She is still relatively new to SPN fanfic but that doesn’t stop her from dominating it! She has over twenty oneshots under her belt already!

Not ONLY that, she is now over twenty chapters deep into her FIRST SPN Dean fanfiction, Regret and Redemption. Although, only seven chapters have graced your dashboard ;)

She has more up her southern sleeve though so watch this space!

You can find her masterlist HERE

@malfoysqueen14: Angel is still new to the supernatural fandom but that doesn’t stop her putting her hand to fanfic and being the sweetheart that she is!

Her first fic, White Flag, is being reworked into a reader insert and she is also working on another Dean x reader series. Beginning of the End!

She also writes for other fandoms.

You can find her masterlist HERE

@soaringeag1e: We adore Meg and her extensive list of spn fanfiction! There is so much for you to feast your eyeballs on.

She is currently working on her series Escape and we have been treated to hearing about her new series, Behind Closed Doors.

It’ll be an AU. There will be crossed universes and it has a twist that’s super juicy. Get yourself signed up if you’re not already!

You can find her masterlist HERE

@alleiradayne: Jeanna is such a sweetheart and we absolutely adored having her on our livestream! As we mentioned last time, she had been commissioned to write a SPN fanfic piece for a charity auction (details below) and she told us all about it on the stream!

If you like destiel, she is writing a Destiel fanfiction called Long Jacket which has a take that we’ve not heard of before.

She is also writing a new series which is going to be quote long apparently! Like 60 chapters! But we are SO there for it.

You can find her masterlist HERE:

@emoryhemsworth: This beaut has broken her lil hiatus and posted the sequel to Because of You. Piece by Piece is amazing and if you haven’t read it yet, i suggest you check it out. She’s also writing her first chapter of her series called “Losing Sleep” as well as a TWD crossover fic!

She also has got ideas for a sequel to her fic Wonder Woman and a oneshot based on “Raining on Sunday” by Keith Urban.

Check our her masterlist HERE:

@manawhaat: This babe joined us once again and we loved having her, even if it wasn’t for long. Below you can find her humongous masterlist of goodies for your reading pleasure.

You can find her masterlist HERE

@anathewierdo: Ana is such a darling and we always love having her on the streams. She’s currently reposting her fic Call of the Ocean which is a collaboration with Flamencodiva. Not only that, she’s also working on a Princess Diaries AU, a Serial Killer AU and many more!

You can find her masterlist HERE

@deanmonandnegansbitch: Yas was new to our stream this time around and we ADORED having her. She has quite a bit on her masterlist already and she is currently working on her current series, Tuyo!

Check it out and give her some love.

You can find her masterlist HERE

@impala-1979: Lauren was another newbie for our stream this time and again, we loved having her on here! At the moment, she has a Sam series in the works which is an Insane Asylum!AU as well as an RPF called Nymphomania.

She is also in the middle of a pornstar A/B/O AU with JDM!

She also has many, many more goodies on offer!

You can find her masterlist HERE

@defenderrosetyler: Ali was new to our stream and we were so glad she chose to spend some time with us. She currently has a couple of oneshots available on her masterlist for both Sam and Dean!

Judging from some of our topics of conversation last night, she also has some amazing idea’s coming your way soon. Definitely one to keep an eye out for! She’s a total sweetheart too!

You can find her masterlist HERE

@thinkinghardhardlythinking: Saira was also new this time to our stream and we were so excited to meet her. She’s a new writer and is new to tumblr but she’s already written a couple of pieces to share with everyone!

She’s such a sweetheart. She’s wrote two oneshots to cheer up the fans who are struggling with the show ending...you can find the Dean one HERE and the Sam oneshot HERE.

Also, upon hearing that a fellow member of the SPN fandom was in hospital, she wrote this piece HERE.

Please show her some love and support <3

@that-one-gay-girl: This was the first time we met Sydney and she’s such a lovely person. We’re so grateful she joined us and talked to us about all things Supernatural. She’s a fairly new writer and has yet to create a masterlist but that hasn’t stopped her from writing her series “Gone”

It’s dean x reader and definitely one to keep your eye on!

You can find Chapter One HERE

Me: The latest chapter of Life for Rent is out NOW and I’m currently working on the next one, which i’m half way through. Only four more before that series is completed. I’m also working on Man’s Best Friend as well as a brand NEW series which will be posted once one series is finished. I also have a couple of Dean oneshots I’m working on right now.

My masterlist can be found HERE:

To the upcoming writers & readers…

@leissa1287, @winchesterxfamilybusiness, @dawnie1988, @jules-1999, @adoptdontshoppets, @gothicwombat42 & the few nonnies we had!

We were treated to hear about some of your upcoming plans for fictions.

Dawnie: Signing up for Sabrina’s challenge and taking that leap to write. If you need us, you know where we are for idea bouncing and everything else.

Sabrina: Again, we’re here for you hun. Your series idea sounds wonderful and if you need help, you know where we are.

Jules: Same goes for you hun, your series idea is one we’ve not heard of before and we were all hooked once you explained it. Reach out if you need us, we’ll do whatever we can to help.

Also, to upcoming writers and readers, we want to thank you for your constant support, your feedback, your words, your reactions to what we write. Your likes, your reblogs, your asks. We appreciate every single thing you do. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We love you.

Also, remember guys - we’re all here to love and support you! My inbox is always open if you want to talk about anything and everything. Even if you wish to start writing…give any of us a shout. We’re here to help!

Thank you for joining the chat and we hope you had an amazing time <3

Please spread the love and show your support to all of these amazing people, go follow and give them some love!

We’ve got quite a few goodies this time!

We want to bring to everyone’s attention once again, the wonderful organisation that is Ficfasers, an international fundraising group of authors and artists who love Supernatural. They offer thank yous to people who agree to donate to Random Acts by creating stories/art, crafts, and more for winning bidders and ticket buyers!

Again, this is amazing and it’s something that so many of us can get involved in. We’ve been told an event is coming up around the holiday period so watch this space!

Want to write for Charity?

Check out their tumblr HERE

and their website HERE

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Follower achievements!

Join me in congratulating these amazing blogs as they have surpassed or are close to a follower milestone!

First of all, we have two Blogiversary’s!

@smol-and-grumpy has just celebrated an anniversary on tumblr, you may have entered her challenge, check her out if you haven’t already!

@atc74 is celebrating FOUR years on tumblr! How amazing is that?! If you’re not following, check her out!

Next up...

@atc74 has hit 4500 followers! @waywardbeanie has just passed 250 followers!

@whatareyousearchingfordean has hit 1300!

@superfanficnatural has passed 600 followers!

@malfoysqueen14 has passed 200!

@janicho88 has passed her first 100!

@soaringeag1e has passed 6000 followers!

@jensengirl83 has hit 550 and is now on her way to 600!

Congratulations guys!

If you’re not following them already, head on over and show them your support!

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Want to be the first to read new chapters of your favourite fics?

Some of our fabulous livestream participants have Patreon!

For a small fee a month, you get personalised drabbles, oneshots and MORE as well as first dibs on new chapters before ANYONE else! Please consider giving them your support.

The links for each authors Patreon is below:

@smol-and-grumpy - Find hers HERE

@flamencodiva - Find hers HERE

@soaringeag1e - Find hers HERE

@impala-1979 - Find hers HERE

Oh, IT’S CHALLENGE TIME. This month, we have FIVE challenges for you to get involved in!

First of all, we have our FIRST Christmas themed challenge! Yes, the holiday season is fast approaching so to celebrate 100 followers @janicho88 is hosting a Christmas Song challenge!

Check it out, HERE

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Secondly, we have @smol-and-grumpy‘s SUPERFRIENDS Title Challenge! She loves Friends, she loves Supernatural so why not combine both? Nat has given you fic titles inspired by both SPN and Friends - you just write the one shot that goes with it!

The One Where You Enter The Challenge...HERE

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Thirdly, we have @katehuntington‘s Going Dutch challenge. Aside from horses and writing, her other passion is music! So she’s gathered Dutch Artists and all you need to do is write a fic/request a fic tied with a song! This is open till February so you have plenty of time.

Check it out, HERE

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Fourthly, we have @atc74‘s blog celebratory challenge which is so unique and wonderful for you guys!

You can win a chance to collab with seasoned writers, included Ang herself and all you have to do, is to enter and write your fic! There are 30 prompts available, write your oneshot to a prompt which will then be judged by impartial judges.

3 - 5 readers will win a chapter in the collaboration series!

Runners up will win a beta to a oneshot.

Take a look and enter the challenge, HERE

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Last, but certainly not least, we have @winchesterxfamilybusiness‘s Make Me Swoon Challenge!

It’s exactly what it says on the tin, make Sabrina swoon! She has listed what she likes paired with a long list of prompts for you to choose from. There is still spots open.

Check it out, HERE

We’ve got you covered for numerous things if you need help with your fictions!

Need a graphic? Header, banner, divider?

Our gorgeous @talesmaniac89 is available to create whatever you would like! She’s the creator behind our banners for this post and numerous other masterlist across the board. Give her a message!

WWII and horse Knowledge?

@katehuntington is your girl! She’s a little history buff and as you will know, thanks to Ride with Me, she ADORES her horses. Give her a message, she’ll be happy to help!

Struggling with some smut?

@superfanficnatural has offered his services to be the person you can go to if you need to hash out certain words, feelings and perspective. He is the perfect person to give you an insight to the male POV when it comes to sex so if you’re writing Destiel or a chapter from the guys POV, Mert is there to help!

Need help finding that one gif?

@emoryhemsworth is your go to girl! Seriously, you tell her you want a gif of Dean in a specific place, wearing a certain outfit, she will find it for you in no time at all. She’s a diamond as she’ll also credit the creators!

Struggling to find that one word? Or even a title?

@atc74 is your guru! She is perfect for getting you unstuck and if you’re struggling with a title, she can also help on this front! I always struggle with a title, and a summary so I know i’ll definitely be hitting Ang up if i get stuck!

Theme? Plotting? Symbolism? Dialogue?

@alleiradayne is your babe! She has a passion for writing, for plot and for making fictions be like no other. She loves dialogue, and from what i’ve heard, she loves a good twist too! I know she’ll be there to support you so send her a message if you need help!

Lost a fic? Need help to find it again?

@spnfic-search-blog is the blog to go too! Send an ask and they will dedicate their time to try and find it for you!

Need a new aesthetic? Line divider? We got you! Our fabulously talented @talesmaniac89 has drawn up so MANY supernatural themed line breakers, headers and more for your free usage!

Just look at some of these!

She has a few posts full already!

We’re talking dividers, headers, banners, gifs and icons!

Check them out HERE!

Give them a like, a reblog and please THANK HER if you use her work. She’s the most kind hearted, loving soul and a few words go a long way <3

Blog Recs!

@just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms: Ana is an amazingly talented writer and has always been willing to listen when others need an ear. She’s extremely supportive, has an extensive masterlist and is a mental health warrior! Since she hasn't been around for a couple years, she will have "fresh content" for new readers looking for good fics.

@spnfic-search-blog: As mentioned before, this is the blog to follow and go to if you’re in need of a certain fic. It’s also a good place to find new ones and share the love!

@heloisedaphnebrightmore: She doesn’t fear stepping out of spn tropes and it is something that she does so well. There isn’t much on her masterlist but we love every piece of it.

@fictionalabyss: This blog was mentioned on our livestream yesterday as they have an array of Supernatural fanfiction! Take a look at her masterlist and see for yourself! Be warned, you’ll be there for ages as she has that much stuff!

Fic Recs!

I Hurt Too by @jawritter

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: (Request) I have seen loads of fics and one shots where Dean is sleeping around/having a one night stand and the reader gets jealous and upset, but I was wondering if I could request one with the other way around? or maybe one where they sleep around equally? as smutty, fluffy, or angst as you want!!

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Missing Pieces by @supernatural-fangirl1967

Pairing: Nurse!Deanx Reader

Summary: (Request) Could you maybe do some nurse Dean with some angsty hurt/comfort with a fluffy ending?

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Upon a hill by @roonyxx

Pairing: Teen!Dean x Plus!sized Reader

Summary: What happens when the new hot guy, Dean Winchester, show interest in you?

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Twenty Minutes by @chocolateheart

Pairing: Professor!Dean x Reader

Summary: Online school sucks but your professor is worth the torture.

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Stranger by @msmarvelouswinchester

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Not all decisions a person takes proves to be alright. Some have grave consequences. Dean had taken a decision at the heat of the moment which he thought would prove to be alright, but what happens when he has to bear the brunt of his stupid decision?

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Love in Sin by @msmarvelouswinchester

Pairing: AU Detective!Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Special Agent Winchester is forced to go undercover with his frenemy Special Agent L/N when they try to track down a notorious drug dealer. How will Y/N and Dean complete their task? Will their relationship worsen or will new feelings emerge between them?

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When the lights go out by @jawritter

Pairing: Mobster!Dean Winchester x Virgin! Reader

Summary: Life hasn’t been your best friend lately, you lost your job, and are on the verge of losing your apartment. Who knew when you decided to join a Sugar Daddy app that your best friend suggested in a last-ditch effort to save your apartment, and not end up on the street, your first and only client would turn your whole world upside down.

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Tic Tac Toe by @percywinchester27

Pairing: Sam X Reader

Summary: The reader shifts into a new city after being offered a dream job by a big firm. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect after an ugly break-up with a douche-bag Ex. But things turn out not as dreamy as she’d want them to be and the only thing that keeps her smiling is a totally coincidental game of Tic Tac Toe.

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The Queens Court by @waywardnerd67

Pairing: Dean x Reader / Sam x Reader / Castiel x Reader

Summary: She met them under unusual circumstances and offered them the only thing she could. Building relationships with three men was nothing new but then again they were no ordinary men. (Y/N) finds herself at a crossroads between the safety of her business and her heart. Will she be able to keep the life she has built for herself or leap into the unknown following her heart’s true desire.

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Stroke of luck by @percywinchester27

Pairing: Dean X Reader

Summary: Dark highway, middle of the night, a bad boy driving an Impala, and a Damsel in distress. Too cliche? Think again.

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A lot like us by @percywinchester27

Pairing: Lawyer!Professor!Sam X Reader AU

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

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About a boy by @percywinchester27

Pairing: N/A

Summary: Dean Winchester has a secret. A secret that could really land him in trouble. He never expected to connect with anyone when he walked into the ‘Blue Stone Orphanage for Boys,’ but even then, the walls he had put up are slowly coming down. Now, a series of strange events are threatening to expose him. When everything starts falling apart around him, will he still be able to save the one person that matters the most?

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Erós by @our-jensen-ackles-love

Pairing: Professor!Dean x Reader

Summary: An accidental text to your Professor got you into this mess. Now you just had to decide if you wanted to stick along for the ride or go on pretending like it never happened. But why does he have to look at you like that?

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Diamonds & Shutters by @jayankles

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Summary: College!AU. Jensen is a baseball player and (Y/N) is a photographer, they are best friends and roommates until someone in Jensen’s life leaves him disconsolate and anguished but (Y/N)’s secret stops her from immediately mending Jensen’s broken heart.

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Out of the park by @iwantthedean

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Summary: Can you take a chance and make a lifetime dream come true? Can Jensen stop fighting against the path his life is taking? Will leaning on each other lead to relationship neither of you wanted or planned on?

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Bad Days by @peridottea91

Pairing: DeanxUnnamed!female, Sam mentioned

Summary: Sam and Dean return from a hunt gone wrong. Sometimes it’s okay to let someone see you hurt.

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Coming Home by @soaringeag1e

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Summary: (Request) Hiya, I’m in love with your blog, and if you are taking requests I was wondering if you could do a Jensen X reader where reader is Jareds big sister but also in the military and surprises the boys at a con

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If it was to work by @deangirl93

Pairing: Dean X Reader

Summary: Dean gave Sam some great advice. Sam just wishes he’d take his own advice sometimes.They had a lot on their plate with their Chuck situation, but that doesn’t mean they can’t take on an old-fashion, black and white case. That also doesn’t mean they can’t go out and celebrate a job well done afterwards.Walking into that bar and seeing you was the last thing Dean thought was going to happen.Maybe Sam’s right. Maybe he should listen to his own advice.

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Cabin Fever by @slytherkins

Pairing: Dean x OFC

Summary: After a hunting accident takes Dean out of the hunting game for good, he retires to a cottage in the woods with his one true love, but it’s not exactly a fairy tale ending. Pain and disability chip away at his Happily Ever After–and his sanity. After he fails to protect Chloe from a monster out of the woods, Dean falls prey to the monsters in his own head, and she and Sam must come to his rescue.

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Coming of Age by @poisongirl18

Pairing: Dean X Stripper!Reader

Summary: You, Bobby Singer’s daughter, met the Winchester boys at age 8. They always adored you and treated you like the baby sister they always wanted, but you always wanted more from the oldest Winchester brother. Now that you were of age, you thought now was the time to take what you wanted.

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Let Me Go To The Show by @poisongirl18

Pairing: Step-Dad!Dean X Reader

Summary: The reader wants nothing more than to see her favorite band, but her mother won’t let her go. What happens when Dean steps in and persuades the reader’s mother into letting you go. What do you have to give in return?

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Trust you with my heart by @deanwinchesterswitch

Pairing: Dean x Fem!Reader insert

Summary: Can Y/N finally let go of the past and entrust her heart to Dean?

Other fandom Recs!

Red Queen Chronicles by @crashdevlin

Pairing: Phil Coulson x OFC (Past), Loki x OFC (Non-con), Clint Barton x OFC, Steve Rogers x OFC

Summary: Cassie Campbell is Red Skull’s daughter, created in a lab. She’s also a Stark Tech lab assistance, a college student, a superhuman, an Avenger and a devout Christian. That’s enough to juggle, even without the ever-looming influence of Loki’s dark interest in her.

————————-

I think that’s it!

Thank you so much once again to everyone who joined the chat, we had 6 and a half hours of laughs and i cannot wait to do it again. I’d appreciate it if you could share this to spread the love of the fics and authors on here!

Keep an eye out for the next date for our next livestream! It will be in October. If you guys have any idea’s or want something included, let us know. If you want to be tagged when we announce, let us know!

See you next time!

xox

#thebunkerparty #spnfamily #dean winchester fanfic #sam winchester fanfic #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader #rec post #share the love #share the creators #spn love

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wellhalesbells · 4 years ago

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as i no longer sleep (apparently), let’s do this awesome thing @yodas-yo-yo tagged me on!! thank you!!

Rules: Tag 9 people who you want to know better/catch up with and then answer these questions.

3 SHIPS

i’m going with not necessarily my all-time favorite ships but the ones i’ve been reading like crazy lately

stiles and derek, as i’m sure we’re all well aware. those’re my boys. the dynamic they have just cannot be beat; it’s all shades of gray and built rather than plopped down without foundation. derek, who has been betrayed and abandoned and is neglected at every turn by every other character in this universe, and stiles, who - importantly - doesn’t have pity for him but pragmatism: ‘you’re a useful dude, and so i am going to use you regardless of how everyone else would just like to write you off.’ it’s not an immediate, ‘ah, you’re perfect for each other,’ moment, it’s kind of a, ‘shit, dude, that is not a guy you should use because he’s suffered that too many times already and this is bad.’ but only through that does it become less about using derek and more about relying on each other, trusting each other’s judgments, and being the first call rather than the last. i’m so emotionally tied to it because it’s freaking earned and no one is... pure. stiles’ motives aren’t pure, derek’s actions aren’t pure, no one is a one-dimensional hero who can abide by a concept as infantile as good vs evil, they’re more real because of it and i’m more attached to them because of it.

okay, weirdly, lately..... clark and lex (and after i was just talking about one-dimensional good vs evil characters, lol), preferably with the smallville backstory of once being besties. it’s just like the best of the best when it comes to tropes that do it for me. they’re baked in and, unless it’s an au, unavoidable. epic pining, best friends turned enemies turned lovers (or some variation thereof), a betrayed character (love when that’s lex and it’s post-belle reve), a morally gray manipulative genius who if they are depicted as not having ulterior motives is considered WILDLY out of character, a fucking canonical son made from both their dna, parallel universes in canon, not to mention there’s sex pollen in canon as well with red kryptonite in the mix. (there’s nothing better than fics where clark is dosed so he’ll finally kill lex luthor only to fuck him practically down to his soul instead.) i never even finished smallville and while i was always a fan of the ship, it was sort of more of a ‘ships in the night’ kind of ship, like: oh yeah, i know you *waves as you cross my dash* and nothing more. then i read (and read and re-read and read some more) reconcilable differences and.... there is not enough fic for them out there, friends. there just isn’t, and i’m sad.

merlin and arthur from bbc merlin. again, i really like what’s often baked into this pairing: a scenario that comes up with some regularity is a betrayed or banished!merlin and arthur realizing too late what merlin means to him and having to go after him and prove himself. i live for that shit, okay? i live for the character who seemingly has everything realizing they have nothing without this other person (especially if said person is often mistreated or sidelined in canon - thank you, fix-it fanon!!!!). i never was big into merlin fanfic UNTIL ao3 came up with the ‘exclude’ part of the search function. i don’t want modern merlin pretty much ever and somehow that fandom is about 50% modern aus???? so i never read fic for it because it was so hard to find what i was looking for. literally the day i saw the exclude option, i started reading merthur fanfic. i wish there were more percival/merlin fics (i am SO FUCKING INTO size difference lately and i do noooot have a pair that i LOVE that has that, some that i casually read like jaskier/geralt but none that i can’t live without yet and i NEED IT), especially ones featuring a jealous arthur that endgames into merthur but that’s, er, a bit specific? haha, and i have less than zero desire to write for either this fandom or the one above it sadly.

LAST SONG I LISTENED TO

clairo - sofia, i love how hard my radio station is fangirling over clairo, she has such a nostalgia-inducing sound for me.

CURRENTLY WATCHING

okay, well, i actually just finished the shows i was watching: prodigal son, which was like a less avant garde, less horny, less gay, less people-eating version of hannibal. instead of a guy who was too unstable to qualify to be an actual fbi agent and who has a loose relationship with reality and mental health, and maybe also a darker side, and a cannibal who definitely does, both of whom badly want to bang each other, it’s a serial killer father who has a darker side and a guy who was fired from the fbi for being too unstable, who maybe has one of his own, in addition to a loose relationship with reality and mental health. i mostly enjoyed it. i really liked the actors, the morbid and understated humor was hilarious (seriously, some of those one liners, both the delivery by the actors and the offhandedness inherent to them were just perfection), but.... they fridged the love interest (very VERY predictably) and they’re clearly shoving together the only unattached (”normal”) vagina and penis on the show because HETERONORMATIVITY!!!!! (i expect more of you, greg berlanti, tsk.) i’m hoping for more edrisa in the future because she is a fucking GEM (and it’s just SO NICE to see lane on my screen again!!!!), more jessica who might have the best sense of self and humor in the whole dang show, more michael sheen (because i just love the man in anything and everything), and about that finale (even though i saw it coming WELL in advance) i’ll just say: AINSLEY, MY GIRLLLLLLLL!!!!

the other i finished was the crown, season four. this show never really wows me tbh. i watch it mostly for a) the performances and b) my mom and dad, who love it immensely and love to talk about it with me. if not for them i could easily zone out for an entire episode without even realizing it, with all the quietness and sweeping landscape shots, there’s just nothing grabby in there for me. it’s very uppercrust british, y’know? haha. where a comment about your lilac drapes is really a dig about how you’re bringing down the entire commonwealth, which i love to read but watching? it doesn’t really pull me in. the high point of this season for me was gillian anderson’s portrayal of margaret thatcher, just the way she would contort her face was amazing to me, and the episode with fagan because hey, i totally knew about that already (which never happens, lol) and i love that actor from preacher and it was just really well-written and acted. but, overall, pretty much i spent the whole season wanting a violent and bloody and embarrassing death to befall charles, that entitled and cruel little piss-ant, while knowing it wasn’t going to happen. it’s one of those shows i watch where i’m glad i watched it, but i won’t remember any details about it in a week’s time.

and as for what i soon will be currently watching: i’m starting the great tomorrow!

okay, tagging: @livthelion, @ohlookagaydraco, @grimmypuff, @clotpolesonly, @midnightisquiet, @urban-barbarian, @callunavulgari, @hrast-ika and @i-sveikata!!

#meme answers #meme #uh oh i've found the keyboard again

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millllennia · 4 years ago

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I HAVE FINISHED ACOSF

thank you guys for dealing with my spam live blogging these last few days. the one friend of mine that reads didn’t get her copy until today so i had no one to scream at

overall, I’m giving this book a 4/5 stars. I was surprised at how much I liked it. I do have some issues with it (and SJM, as per usual) but I am happy that I read it and I’m thrilled to see that she is improving on some things. slowly. not quick enough.

detailed review below the cut

starting with the things I didn’t like about it because there aren’t very many:

i have my usual qualms with SJM. those haven’t changed. but there wasn’t a “killing calm” and the boob talk was limited to the first half (mostly) of the book which I appreciated. there was still no gays. every single one of the priestesses that got described was described at pale. her diversity isn’t any better and she needs to be aware and listen to her fans.

I wish we’d gotten more of cassian’s perspective in the first little bit (like first hundred pages). it felt like that dragged a bit, which might have been a style choice because that’s where Nesta was at mentally, but I didn’t love it.

There wasn’t enough Mor. making a character come out and then promptly sending her off to a foreign land is lazy and pandering. also one of Nesta and Mor’s only interactions being Nesta getting weirdly jealous for no reason was gross and uncalled for and no. if Nesta believed that she didn’t deserve cassian, she should be happy that he has another woman in his arms and punish herself with the image. that’s how that motivation base works. you don’t just get jealous weirdly one time and then never have it come up again.

I fundamentally do not believe that SJM is going to kill any member of the court permanently, so the whole storyline about Feyre and Rhys and Nxy and everything fell flat. Rhys is SJM’s favourite and Feyre is her self insert and I just don’t think that she’s going to kill them. Not that I want them to die because I don’t (even though I don’t like Feyre, I think she does bring something to the story) but I just wish that I felt the stakes and that SJM would kill some people.

NOW FOR THE THINGS I DID LIKE BECAUSE I AM SURPRISED THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF THESE

sjm needs to stay in new adult fantasy. her smut is SO MUCH BETTER when she doesn’t need to come up with creative ways to say dick. also she can have actual smut dialogue so it isn’t just hanging dialogue tags without the filthy talk attached that sound awkward and animalistic and it’s just all. so. much. better. I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS DEVELOPMENT YOU HAVE NO IDEA

also the smut was good. just generally good. I didn’t feel like there was too much of it. consent was a thing without it being like ‘loOk fOlKs tHiS iS cOnSeNt’ which was better. have I read better fanfic smut? absolutely. but also this is a published book and there are different rules and I overall really liked it.

the lack of feyre was wonderful (stans don’t come for me). she is a fine character but I don’t think she’s interesting and I don’t like her relationship with Rhys and I think they are kinda boring together (despite the fact that Rhys is fascinating. that’s how boring Feyre is. she sucks the life out of rhys) so I was happy that we had some space from her. also Nesta needed that space and Im happy she was given that.

im very very happy that it was in third person and not first. that’s purely personal preference but I don’t enjoy first person. maybe that’s part of why I don’t like feyre? idk

it didn’t feel like fake girl power. as much as i love the tog series, there were a lot of moments that felt like pandering. nothing in here felt like pandering and i really really liked that. the whole blood rite thing was well set up and well executed and it wasn’t just “hey girls are as good as boys!”

nesta is super interesting. cassian is super interesting. i love a reverse slow burn. their relationship isn’t perfect but it’s good and I genuinely like it. I could have done without the mating bond but it actually had a purpose. it wasn’t just ‘ah they like each other so they are now mates’. like there was plot around it. which we love. that is definitely an improvement.

the little moments we get of azriels inner thoughts (like the thing about his scarred hands while holding the baby) made me HURT A LOT but it was really good and i’m hoping we get another book about him and elain? because the subtext is there. im annoyed that the subtext is there but it’s there. I don’t love the three brothers getting paired up with the three sisters because heteronormativity and i hate predictable relationships. but they do seem like they’d be relatively compatible. maybe. and i’d like to see a relationship that goes against the mating bond

Emerie is a baby sunshine sweetheart that needs to be protected at all costs and I did not miss her queer subtext and maybe that’ll happen??? i just really hope it isn’t her x Gwyn because that would break up the sisterhood. maybe her x Mor? also GIRL GET YOUR WINGS FIXED YOU DONT HAVE TO HOLD ONTO THE SCARS

speaking of GWYN IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND I CANNOT SAY ENOUGH GOOD THINGS ABOUT HER

eris is everything????? he’s definitely one of the coolest antiheros i’ve read in a long long time. I really wanna know what the real story is with Mor. I hope we get more of him.

I was very happy that this book didn’t end with another surprise army. she did it twice. twice was too much. she’d better not do that again. but this one was good and I was surprised (which rarely happens with her books) so that was nice.

i’m glad nesta didn’t win the blood rite. it was so much better to have her stand in the pass. like yes that was such a good plot choice.

I feel like her actual writing itself has improved. this feels like a stronger book and a stronger story and I am weirdly proud of SJM which I lowkey hate myself for saying but it’s true.

so there we have it, folks. 4/5. not bad.

#acosf review #acosf spoilers #a court of silver flames #millllennia review #stans stay away

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greylunar · 5 years ago

Note

hi! I took your quiz and the result was wrong but I loved it and your writing, where can I find more of that?

HahahA I respect this ask IMMENSELY thank you very much for it, and for loving the quiz despite it’s flaws. Prose wise, I’ve got a frighteningly long star trek fanfic you can read, and other than that I think I’m just responding to everyone who asks me about poetry/writing with a poem under the keep reading, and you can find my writing and those posts under the “tal writes” tags because i literally haven’t put my writing on here before so! Hope that’s okay! if yall have a better idea let me know haha

Warnings on this poem: its about the Trans Experience TM and discusses themes of vaguely internalized homophobia and transphobia as well as dysphoria, but ends positively and is more about learning how to own your identity and your gender? Yes haha i think that about covers it

This Poem Is a Real Male Bathroom, For Real Men™️ Only

I know something is wrong when he turns around at the urinal.

Despite being new to this whole bathroom thing, I am certain that there is a rule about this specifically.

As he asks me what my name is, I wash my hands.

I almost say Miles, the name my mother says she would have given me if I was born a boy, but my brain tells me that this is Too Gay. My own name does not even cross my mind.

Miles is the name of my grandfather. He worked in the same steel mill for forty-six years. I do not believe he ever looked at a man for more than five seconds at a time. I know this, because he is the one who taught me to keep my head down at the urinal. To keep my head down at all times.

Still, I say Max. In my mouth, it sounds like a dogs name.

I stand there and try to remember the steps that go into washing your hands as he keeps talking. I am aware he is facing me completely now, I am aware of his frame in the background of the mirror I cannot look at, I am aware that there is one rule in male bathrooms, and so my brain keeps looping and repeating do not look up do not look up do not look up.

He asks me what my number is, and when I recount this to my mother a week later, I cannot find a way to describe how it feels like a threat. How it feels like wanting to count the tiles to the exit door but not being able to stop washing your hands because you simply can’t remember how it’s done anymore, what that last step is that lets your brain know the process is over. I try and work through it again. I restart, get more soap.

He keeps saying things. My brain flicks through quotes in my head like rapidly choosing what to wear into battle. I misremember the one I end up choosing, find myself unable to fix the clasps on a breastplate that I built for myself, it should have fit me. I feel like this strangely has to do more with what is inside my chest versus the flesh that lies on top of it, regardless, I play the quote again.

“The poet’s job, in the midst of the flood, is to remember the color of the water.”

And again.

The sink is just clear. I am trying to convince it to be blue, for a grocery list of reasons and the ghost of a voice saying “poetic cinema”, when he says something else, and I blink and it is Wednesday.

I joke to my friends that I am not sure if my superpower is time travel or teleportation. We decide that it is the latter because if I could time travel, I would just go forward til things were better. Instead, I just end up somewhere else days later, blinking back into my body, trying to remember how I got there. I am not wearing my jacket anymore. I still can’t find it now, and I only have a vague recollection of frantically looking for a sharpie to scribble out the rainbow flag on the outside, not because I am ashamed but because I have always needed a safety blanket, even now and it just doesn’t feel safe anymore.

My sister made it for my eighteenth birthday, not to celebrate my birth but my continued existence, she says it is a gift so that I can remember how brave I have been.

I am wearing it when I am too scared in an empty cafe to hold the boy I want to marry’s hand.

Six people write down brave as an adjective to describe me out of ten for a class project. I realize, after an hour of not understanding these results that everyone who has said this is LGBT. They do not think I am brave in my actions, they know I am brave for being alive.

I do not like that my sheer existence is heroic.

Later that night, or maybe a month before, I have been teleporting so much lately that I can’t remember time, I ask my partner if he thinks I am gay enough.

He asks me what I mean, and I do not know how to answer him,

I cannot tell if people see me as a boy or girl when they look at me anymore or if I just look small.

I tell him that it feels like I am just now realizing that I have missed my train and that I have been sitting at the station for eighteen years waiting for something that simply will not come,

When a girl tells me I am pretty I think of how I pictured myself looking in college.

I stand next to my little brother as we get out of the car and he is three heads taller than I will ever be,

I remember joking with him, when I did not know anything, that I would always make a better soldier than him.

I remember the first time I realized he would always be stronger than me when a news alert goes off on my phone saying I am too expensive to be in the military.

I tell my boyfriend that I have never seen myself as trans as I picture my father in Germany, my grandfather taking a picture of him in uniform as he helps pull a man over a wall my father made sure crumbled, I wonder if the picture took him more than five seconds to take, or if it’s okay to look at men through glass, through a viewfinder.

The only picture I have left of his is one of my mother holding me as a child, and there is much love in that single faded frame that even the photo paper feels soft, and still, today, I cannot help but wonder what he would think of me.

The water in the bathroom is clear as I wash my hands. My name is not Max. I know this because it took me four years to choose the perfect one. To make sure it fit right, like a safety jacket.

On a Thursday, my therapist asks me why I am scared, and suddenly I am in bed reading a text from a friend that asks the same thing, and maybe it actually is time travel.

“I do not know,” I say, both times, and they echo and I can’t make out which voice is mine, the high pitched one in my head or the one people hear when they meet me again for the first time in years.

I do not know, I say, because I have never been righteous I have never been angry. The group chat talks about what kind of historical gays they are. Elliot says he would have been an 80’s escort, in rich extravagant clothing, taking women to parties their husbands could not attend. Phoenix is a second brick at stonewall kind of gay, apparently. They ask me what I would be doing then. I say Berlin and Vietnam, respectively.

I have made it a goal, for the past two years, to tell someone on the internet every day that I love them. I did this after a person I barely knew died. His mother made a post about how we should not say that he “committed” anything, because that it makes it sound like a crime. I tell people I love them and sometimes it still feels like I am committing the act of love.

A boy once wrote to me saying he was happy I was finally writing happy poems. Even as I tell myself that life is circular, and sometimes backwards can still be forwards, I try to make this poem happy for him.

As I write this, I know I am traveling faster than the speed of light. That a few days from now I will blink and wake up and find this on my computer and wonder how it happened.

I will continue to taste the word brave on my tongue and try and use it to wash the sound of Max out of my mouth.

I will continue to try and name of the color of this flood, but it does not feel colorful, it does not feel rainbow. It still looks clear when I wash my hands.

I am itching more lately, and I try not to think about being allergic to my body.

The water is clear when it washes over skin that I cannot tell is mine.

The water is clear still.

I turn the faucet off. And I dry my hands. I have remembered these steps, in the end.

The water was clear, still.

And I am in love, still.

And I am love, still.

And I try to think of how all these things can exist at once.

And I land on the answer.

I am in multiple places at once.

I refuse not to call this a superpower.

I have decided to title this poem This Poem Is a Real Male Bathroom, For Real Men™️ Only.

And I want the guy whose penis I did not look at in that bathroom, to know,

That this poem is not for him.

Because I was the only real man in that room.

#tal asks #quiz mention #tal writes #okay to rb #your-url-is-problematic

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youareboththebestbestfriend · 7 years ago

Text

The You are in love / Dress mashup

Hi guys, I just loveeeee Bechloe so much and I loooooooooove Taylor Swift so much. Then I made a mashup myself between YAIL (bold) and Dress (italic) because it's perfect. Like. Even the beats match up pretty well between the two songs, which I wouldn't have guessed before I tried to merge them. But it worked out pretty well. Also, these songs are gay as fvck and that's why they work for Bechloe I think. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to put the song on tumblr yet due to rights.

Anyway, here's a Valentine's day Bechloe fanfic containing Taylor Swift songs. Like, I don't need more in life than this. Guys are overrated (no offense). Enjoy the fic!

PS. I wrote the first poem myself. It was originally in Dutch but I tried to translate it and still get the message across. I think I did pretty well?

There were a lot of things that Beca Mitchell detested that others loved. For example, movies. Unicorns. The titanic. Rainbows and glitter. Agnes from despicable me. Romantic books. My little pony. But out of all things, there was nothing, nothing, Beca hated more than Valentine's day. But Chloe Beale loved Valentine's day. And Beca recently realised she's in love with Chloe Beale.

It had been years ago that Chloe had first teased Beca on the holiday she despised the most. Beca had been halfway in her second year at Barden University and preparing the Bellas for yet another year of a capella. She and Chloe were co-captaining the Bellas and Beca had to admit the two of them were doing a great job together. A week before February 14th, Chloe had already decorated the whole house in shades of red. Hearts cut out of pink paper where located everywhere, even in the bathroom, and god forbid someone taking down or moving decorations even out of convenience. Like the purple and red flowers woven on a golden tread hanging just behind the front door, where, the first time Beca came in when she had been with her mind elsewhere, she had gotten caught in like a wolf in an iron wired fence. And even though Chloe was one of the most selfless people she knew, Beca had been kind of mad at her when the first thing Chloe checked was if the paper flowers hadn't been torn up.

"Can you just stop moving for a second?" Chloe had said, grinding her teeth. "For God's sake Chloe, Get. Me. Out," she had bit back. "I need to assess the situation first, I worked so hard on this and you are messing it up if I am not careful," Chloe replied, getting on her knees. "Argh," Beca grumbled and crossed her arms in front of her chest. But her anger somehow subdued when she was looking down at the redhead. She watched Chloe as she handled the decorations with care as if they were tiny birds failing their first flying out. Beca sighed and bit the inside of her cheek. In the back of her mind, part of her was thinking this was endearing. But another part was just annoyed and that side won, as always. "Becs?" she heard the older girl say, "you can step out now." Beca hadn't noticed how Chloe had freed her legs and untied the woven lines from around her. All she had thought about was Chloe's hands on her lower legs and the warmth of them through her dark blue skinny jeans. "Thanks," Beca sighed and looked up at the taller girl that was averting her gaze. "I am sorry," she admitted. "Is it.. is it still.. okay?" Chloe finally met her eyes and grinned a little smile. "I will put them back up. Try not to get caught next time, even if they look totally aca-adorable on you," she winked. Beca blushed, stepped out of the circle of purple and red flowers and picked them up to hand them back to the redhead. Their fingers brushed and they locked eyes for only a second. Beca pursed her lips together and pointed to the stairs, to which Chloe nodded before stepping aside. After Beca had changed into comfortable PJs, she walked downstairs again and noticed that the flowers were right back up behind the front door, not an inch moved from where they had been before Beca had barged in. She rolled her eyes and joined her friends in the living room. If anything, Chloe was even more Chloe during Valentine's day. Meaning, more bubbly and happy than she already was.

A week later, on Valentine's day itself, Beca had gotten up to her room after her last classes and Bella practice. Even though she loved her friends and her girls, she really felt like needing some alone time. Sometimes they overwhelmed her, even if she had grown to love these girls. After she changed into some more comfortable clothing, Beca grabbed her laptop and headphones from the little desk positioned at the wall. Usually, she really liked working at her desk, but tonight she was exhausted and just wanted to be comfortable in her bed. Beca put the laptop down on the foot end of her bed and grabbed her pillow. What she hadn't expect to find was a bright red envelope and a small giftbox from under it. Beca looked around, blushed and sat down on her bed. She hated this Valentine's stuff. But as much as she really, really, hated it, she was just curious what this all was about. So she opened the envelope and read the note inside: _ Love is indescribable, because if roses don't say more than "I love you", and butterflies are not more than flutters in my stomach

how can I explain to you that your love feels eternal spring to me? _

Beca gasped softly, not realizing she had been holding her breath. Her heart was thudding in her chest loudly. She read the note again before putting it down. Her mind was spinning, the poem was absolutely beautiful. She could feel the words on her skin and it gave her goosebumps. Slightly afraid to open the giftbox, Beca reached for it anyway. She doubted another moment, but decided she was too curious anyway, no matter how much she hated Valentine's day gifts. Maybe she hated it so much because she actually never had been of the receiving end of one. Until now. With slightly shaking fingers, Beca lifted the cap from the box. Inside, she found a sparkling, bright ocean blue keychain of a butterfly. She picked it up and looked at it from different angles. She hated to admit that she actually quite liked it. It looked delicate and the sparkles were only noticeable when you looked really hard at it. Beca loved the colour. With a gasp she dropped the keychain on her bed, realizing that the butterfly was the exact same shade of blue as the eyes of her best friend. Chloe. Chloe? She thought. Beca grabbed the keychain and put it back with the poem in the red envelope and put it in the drawer of her desk. She just wanted to work on her mix for a while before going to bed, and tried to get this whole Valentine's day out of her mind. It was much later, when she actually was in her bed, that Beca started to wonder again. It would only make sense that the sender would be someone in the Bella house. It had to be Chloe. It was probably one of her jokes to tease her, make her uncomfortable, just for the fun of it. Beca sighed, rolled onto her other side and squeezed her eyes shut. If only her mind would shut up as well. It had to be a joke, right? Even if the words from the poem sounded more sincere than anything someone had ever said to her.

Flash-forward a year later to the 14th of February, and Beca found out that in fact, the red envelope from the year before had not been a joke. Neither Beca nor Chloe had ever mentioned it to one another. She hadn't thought much about this day, not even when the decorations had been up already a week before. Beca just simply thought last year was a onetime thing. Little did she know it wasn't. The week leading up to the 14th had been normal, except that this had been marked as "let's-watch-rom-coms-every-night" for the Bellas. Maybe that is why Beca hated this holiday. The weekly movie nights with her girls were bad enough, but that week in February meant it was movie night every night. That didn't mean Beca wasn't trying to get out of it every night. "Guys, I have so much work to do. I don't have time for this," Beca tried to argue with Fat Amy and Stacie. "But this time I get to choose the movie," Stacie replied and threw her arms up. Everyone looked at her. "How does that convince me again?" Beca asked after seconds of silence. "I will choose a sexy movie," Stacie grinned. Beca groaned. Fat Amy laughed and high fived Stacie. "Yes girl!" Chloe just stared at Beca with twinkles in her eyes, awaiting her best friend's reaction. Beca was at a loss of words. "Please don't, I will not complain again the rest of the week but please don't," Beca said at last but she knew it was a lost cause anyway. The rest of the girls where already settled in front of the TV, Fat Amy joining them when Chloe, Stacie and Beca were still standing in their small living room. "Honestly, I don't understand how you cannot like that," Stacie smirked, making a very inappropriate sign and turning around. Chloe laughed and patted Beca on her back. "Come on Becs, it won't be that bad, watching a sexy movie being curled up with me?" she winked. "Dude," Beca said, shaking her head. Chloe grabbed Beca's hand and normally Beca would flinch or withdrawal her hand, but seeing as she just lost a fight she let it go and walked to the two open spots reserved for her and Chloe on the couch. "You can even choose the movie tomorrow, if you behave well," Chloe said, while Beca took the spot in the corner and folded her legs under her butt. "Which is a big deal, as it really is _Valentine's day _tomorrow," Chloe added and pointed her finger at her friend, her eyes sparkling. "Great," Beca replied sarcastically, but soon she forgot about it and her temper subdued. Being near Chloe had that effect on her. She even grabbed Chloe's hand halfway the movie to squeeze it and to let the older girl know that everything was okay. Chloe turned her head, looking at Beca, who was focused on the screen and smiled happily.

It was much later that night when Beca returned to her room. The movie had been long. And she still did not get why all the girls were drooling all over that male character, but she had to admit that it was at least interesting. And she got to spent time with Chloe. Beca walked to the bathroom to brush her teeth and get ready for bed when she ran into Chloe. "HWui," she was greeted by the redhead, who was standing with a mouthful of foamed toothpaste in front of the mirror. "Dude, gross," Beca replied and moved next to Chloe to wet her toothbrush and apply paste. She moved out of the way to let her friend spit out and started to brush her own teeth. Beca was looking at Chloe through the mirror and she saw the older girl make eye contact with her and smirk. "Gross?" Chloe said and turned around, putting her hands on her hips. Beca stopped moving and stared down at Chloe's hands, holding her night dress in place. Damn, she had made her look. Beca shrugged as Chloe moved closer until she almost stepped onto the shorter girl's toes. "If only you knew," Chloe whispered and Beca could smell her peppermint fresh breath, before quickly kissing Beca on her cheek and walking out of the bathroom. "Night Becs," she shouted over her shoulder, while Beca bent over to spit. What had that been all about? Beca looked in the mirror and turned her head to inspect her cheek. There was no sign of there ever been planted a kiss, not visibly at least. Her cheek was hot and she blushed. She had liked it. Chloe's closeness. Beca grabbed her stuff after finishing up and returned to her room. She still wanted to work on a mix she was making for the next a cappella contest.

Sometimes, Beca really could lose herself in music. She could listen to a new mix multiple times and never be bored, each time recognizing a new part in her mix that perfectly harmonized together without her even knowing when she put songs together. She was in that half-asleep relaxed state just past midnight, not noticing how a red envelope was slid underneath her closed door. Beca opened her eyes, but knew she had been too late when she opened her door to see who was there. No one was, of course. She had not been prepared to find a purple stuffed Care Bear on the ground. Her mouth agape, Beca picked up the bear and found that it was even softer than it looked. Wheels were spinning inside her head, but in the end she noticed that the whole house was silent. Beca closed her door and took the envelope from the floor. She couldn't believe it. The only person who knew that she used to imitate care bears and drove her parents crazy was.. Chloe. Even though it had been years ago, Beca immediately recognized this one bear. Purple, with rainbow-coloured music notes on her chest. Harmony Bear, the first one. She knew that later the music notes had been changed into hearts and after that flowers. This one was the one she used to watch on TV. Stunned, Beca returned to her bed and sat down to open the envelope. Was this really happening? She took out the small note and turned it around. It was simply written, like the year before, but signed with a drawing of a rainbow.

_"Let's make a rainbow, all our colours in harmony When we work together - you and me, let's make a Rainbow.

Wake up and start the day, don't be afraid of a new beginning. I've got a feeling you'll be happy today, look up, got a clear blue sky, the sun is shining - bright and yellow. Not a thing is standing in our way!

What's a harmony without a melody? Everything's better when I'm with you!"_

Beca stared, then giggled, then looked around if anybody saw. Of course, no one had. She was just stunned. Everything reeked of Chloe, hell she could almost smell her peppermint breath as the rainbow song played in her head. Beca shivered and picked up the bear and stroke its belly. She smiled. She hadn't slept with stuffed animals since her parent's divorce. There had been no point, moving between her mom and dad with her animals. But warmth filled her as the smile plastered on her face. It had been in the first year that she had met Chloe, when one night she had told her about her obsession with the Care Bears as a little girl. She had never thought Chloe would have remembered, especially since the both of them had been drunk that night when they had shared stories. Beca moved her laptop and headphones back to her desk and curled up in bed, falling asleep with Harmony bear against her chest.

Beca woke up to the sunlight in her room, apparently she forgot to close her curtains fully last night. She turned around and found her new stuffed friend. It hadn't been a dream. Love filled her body. Chloe cared so much about her, she had known that before, but now she felt like last year had not been a joke. Maybe, maybe it was real. Maybe she had real feelings for Beca. Maybe, maybe she had real feelings for Chloe too. But Beca was horrible at expressing her feelings. Which probably explained why Chloe had never asked or pushed about the butterfly keychain from last year. And for the first time, Beca wanted to let the other girl know. She wanted to let Chloe know how she felt. She just didn't know how.

She took a shower, just because it gave her a reason not to go downstairs yet, where she had already picked on some of the girls being up and about. Beca returned to her room and readied herself for the day, looking at the purple fluff on her bed. After doing her hair, she walked towards her bed and put the stuffed bear under her sheets. She smiled. Her secret. She already hid the red envelope in her desk drawer, with the envelope from last year, but not before rereading both cards. She'd already decided to use the keychain, better late than never. Maybe Chloe would notice. Maybe it would make things easier. She hooked it up to her keys and smiled, heading out of her room to join her friends. She heard Jessica, Ashley and Stacie in the living room when she rounded the corner into their kitchen, finding Fat Amy on a stool and Chloe next to the stove. "I might not be back tonight," Fat Amy winked to Chloe. "Oooh, you have plans with Bumperrrrr," she replied excitedly. "Well, not yet, but by the end of the day, probably," Amy replied. Beca walked in, "how come she gets to skip movie night and not me, huh?" Fat Amy shrugged and Chloe laughed. "Morning Becs," she said, "how'd you sleep?" Chloe winked. Beca almost dropped the bottle of orange juice she just got out of the fridge. Don't freak, she told herself. Chloe already turned away to look at the scrambled eggs on the pan, not expecting the younger girl to reply. Beca turned towards Chloe slowly, swallowing hard. "Actually, I slept really well. I dreamt about.." Beca paused, "rainbows." Chloe's head snapped back as she openmouthedly looked at Beca. "Uh, Red, close your mouth," Fat Amy said, "you look dumb, don't take this the wrong way." Beca saw the redhead blink, trying to recover herself, but she wasn't finished. Last night she had decided, she'd go all in. "There were singing," Beca continued, looking Chloe up and down quickly before regaining eye contact, "unicorns." She laughed at Chloe's stunned expression, who recovered and bit her lip. "Uh, Red, I think your eggs are burning," Fat Amy pointed out before moving her plate and glass over to the sink, announcing she'd better get ready for an "eventful day", leaving Beca and Chloe in the kitchen. "Shit," Chloe swore under her breathe and returned her focus to the frying pan in front of her. "Shit," she repeated herself, trying to save some of the eggs. "I don't it gets any better the more you swear, Chlo," Beca pointed out and grabbed some paper towels to help the older girl clean up. "Shit," Chloe said again, but gave up and threw her arms in the air. "Hey, it's okay," Beca said, removing the content of the pan into the trash bin. "They were for you," Chloe admitted, cleaning up the rest of the kitchen. Beca turned around to face Chloe, who was still standing a few feet away with her back to her. "Chlo," she said softly but uncertain. "No, I know," the redhead interrupted her and turned around to face Beca. She moved forward to the brunette. "You don't need to say anything," Chloe simply said. Beca swallowed, feeling uncomfortable and nervous. "I'm bad at these things," she replied, it almost sounded like an apology. Chloe grabbed her right hand and squeezed it, "it's okay." Beca smiled. Chloe smiled. That night, when it was Beca's turn to pick out a movie, she choose "Welcome to Care-a-lot." All Bellas protested except Chloe, who felt like Beca just hit her in the face. Beca grinned at her best friend and said that the movie was romantic, it was about friendship and it had freaking rainbows. In the end, Stacie okayed her choice and a few minutes into the movie, Beca felt Chloe's hand on her calf beneath their fleece blanket. She didn't look at Chloe, but placed her hand on top.

It was yet another year later, Beca and Jesse had broken up a long time ago as both their feelings had disappeared. Sure, she had loved Jesse, but he was more like a friend to her. Beca had never felt pressured into their relationship, but she also had regretted that they had been taking that step. They still talked, sometimes, but not like they had before they had been boyfriend and girlfriend. Meanwhile, her feelings for Chloe had grown, slowly but steadily. Beca slept with her stuffed bear every night, and one time she had freaked out because it got lost at some point underneath her bed. She hadn't known how much she'd grown to like it up unto that moment. This year, Beca had promised herself, things would be different. This year, it was her turn. She absolutely hated Valentine's day, but she knew how much it meant to Chloe. Lately, she hadn't been able to deal with the sexual tension much, her love for Chloe growing stronger with every wink, every tease, every touch. She was scared, because she never had let her walls completely down, by choice. She never made the first move. But now she wanted to. She wanted to let Chloe know. Which is why Beca had locked herself up in her room the week before Valentine's day to finish a mix she was working on. A mix to declare her love to Chloe. She even managed to get out of one movie night. Even Chloe's pout hadn't convinced her to watch The Notebook again. This year, Stacie had suggested that on February 14th they'd join the campus Valentine's day party. Apparently, she was hooking up with a new guy these weeks and she really, really wanted to spent Valentine's day with him. They had all agreed, even Beca, as it would be nice to be out of the house this year. Also, it created the perfect setting for her plan, Beca smirked, as she saved her finalised mix on her desktop as "YAIL-Dress.mashup".

It had been a little past ten when there was a knock on her bedroom door. "Come in," Beca answered and wasn't surprised to find Chloe walking in. She closed the door behind her, "Becs?" and turned around. "Wow," she said. "Hey," Beca replied. "I'm almost finished," she continued. "Wow," Chloe said agin, looking the brunette up and down. Beca was wearing a knee-length black dress with a long neck of lace and open back. The fabric flowed around her in several layers and it looked.. soft, sexy. Chloe reached out absentmindly, the sudden urge that she needed to feel Beca, but then stopped and blushed. "I take it you like the dress," Beca deadpanned and tilted her head to the side, a smirk around her red lips. "Yeah," Chloe said and cleared her throat, "it's beautiful. You're beautiful." Beca met her eyes and smiled at her.

They returned hours later from the party, slightly tipsy. Chloe liked it, it made Beca more free. More touchy, less reserved. The other girls had either already returnedearlier, were still at the party or had found "sleeping arrangements" elsewhere. Beca tried to open the door, laughing loudly with Chloe in the empty street, who grabbed her arm and tried not to tumble over from laughing. "Come on Becs, aren't you cold like I am, hurry up," she told the brunette. "Let go of my arm then, silly," Beca replied and finally managed to open the door of their house. "I'm thirsty," Beca said as she threw her small purse on the table next to the door. "I'll make you some tea," Chloe replied and walked into the kitchen. Beca took both their coats and hung them up. She took a deep breath. This was it. She looked down at her shaking hands for a moment, before Chloe called her name, "Becs?" Chloe walked towards her, two cups of tea in her hand. Beca could smell the cinnamon, she loved cinnamon. "You okay," the redhead asked. "Yeah, I'm fine," Beca replied and took one of the cups from her. "Actually, I.. I have something for you," she continued, her heart was in her throat by now. This was it. God, she was nervous. "You do?" Chloe grinned, her eyes sparkling a bright blue. "It's up in my room," Beca nodded and grabbed her best friend's hand. "Oooooh," Chloe winked, making Beca blush and roll her eyes. They walked up the stairs together towards Beca's room. She opened the door and Chloe immediately walked to her nightstand to put down her tea, not letting go of Beca's hand. "Sit," Beca told her and turned around to put her own tea on her desk and grab her laptop and headphones from her desk. "I made you something," Beca explained and moved to sit next to Chloe against the headboard. "Just for me?" Chloe's eyes sparkled, it was no secret she loved Beca's work. Never had anyone been as supportive as Chloe was, day in and out. "Just for you," Beca replied and placed the headphones carefully on Chloe's head, then she hit play and bit the inside of her cheek. This was it.

Chloe looked at Beca as the intro of You are in love started playing. She just stared, then smiled. She loved Taylor Swift. Shortly after, the intro of Dress starts. Chloe swallows hard, licking her lips.

One look, dark room Our secret moments, meant just for you in a crowded room, They got no idea about me and you There is an indentation Time moved too fast in the shape of you you play it back Made your mark on me a golden tattoo Buttons on a coat lighthearted joke No proof, not much but you saw enough Small talk, he drives coffee at midnight The light reflects All of the silence and patience, pining and anticipation the chain on your neck my hands are shaking from holding back from you She says, "Look up." All of the silence and patience, pining and anticipation and your shoulders brush my hands are shaking from holding back from you No proof, one touch but you felt enough

Say my name and everything just stops You can hear it in the silence, silence I don't want you like a best friend **You can feel it on the way home, way home **Only bought this dress so you could take if off You could see it with the lights out, lights out You are in love, true love Carve your name into my bed post You are in love 'cause I don't want you like a best friend Only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off, ah-ah

Morning, his place burnt toast, Sunday You keep her shirt she keeps her word Inescapable, **And for once you let go **I'm not even gonna try of your fears and your ghosts and if I get burned, at least we were electrified One step, not much I'm spilling wine in the bath tub You kiss my face and we're both drunk **but it said enough **Everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about all of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation **You kiss on sidewalks **My hands are shaking from holding back from you you fight then you talk All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting My hands are shaking from all this ah-ah-ah One night he wakes strange look on his face Say my name and everything just stops Pauses, then says "You're my best friend." I don't want you like a best friend And you knew what it was only bought this dress so you could take it off she is in love

You can hear it in the silence, silence Carve your name into my bed post You can feel it on the way home, way home I don't want you like a best friend, only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off You could see it with the lights out, lights out You are in love, true love

And so it goes you two are dancing in a snow globe 'round and 'round Only bought this dress so you could take it off And she keeps a picture of you in his office downtown and you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars and why I spent my whole life trying to put it into words

'Cause you can hear it in the silence Flashback when you met me You can feel it on the way home _your buzz cut and my hair bleached Even in my worst time, you could see the best in me _You could see it with the lights out Flashback to my mistakes, my rebounds, my earthquakes You are in love, true love even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me You're in love

And I woke up just in time You can hear it in the silence, silence Now I wake up by your side my one and only, my lifeline You can feel it on the way home, way home I woke up just in time Now I wake up by your side my hands shake, I can't explain this ah-ah-ah You could see it with the lights out, lights out You are in love, true love Say my name and everything just stops.. You're in love _I don't want you like a best friend _ You can hear it in the silence, silence Only bought this dress so you could take it off You can feel it on the way home, way home Carve your name into my bed post You can see it with the lights out, lights out 'cause I don't want you like a best friend Only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off You are in love, true love You're in love

** **Beca knows when the song stops playing, because the smile on Chloe's face gets bigger and bigger. She bites the inside of her cheek as she tries to come up with words. "Becs?" Chloe's voice sounds uncertain but soft, and Beca feels her reached out to touch her cheek. She leans into it. Beca starts to say something but pauses, then whispers "you're my best friend, Chlo." She pushes the laptop and headphones aside and rolls on her side in order to fully face Chloe. "But I don't want," she continues as she looks down at Chloe's lips, her hand reaching out to touch the redhead's hips, "I don't want you as a best friend". There is a moment of silence between them and then she tugs at the waistband of Chloe's jeans to move her closer before she crashes her lips on Chloe's. A soft moan escapes the redhead's lips, but she quickly picks up where Beca left of and deepens the kiss. Beca leans over Chloe as they break up the kiss for air, their foreheads still touching. "I love you, Beca Mitchell," Chloe whispers against her lips before closing the distance again. "I love you too," murmurs Beca between kisses. Chloe's hands are in her hair and warmth rushes through her veins, then Chloe pulls back. "Did you buy this dress just for me to take off?" Chloe smirked. Beca smiled, bit her lip and winked. "I know you how much you appreciate Taylor Swift references," she answers and grabs Chloe's hand, guiding it to her chest. "Take it off," Beca orders as Chloe closes the distance between them again.

#bechloe #anna kendrick #brittany snow #pitch perfect 3 #fanfiction #beca #chloe #best ship ever #taylor swift #dress #you are in love #mashup #gay AF #gaylor swift

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nish-s-random-writing · 7 years ago

Text

“LaDiDaDiDa”

USUK/UKUS Hitman Jones fanfic

words:1749 summary: Jones was just having a little fun, but somehow he ended up getting tried in court. Well, he supposed it was up to his Arthur to bail him out. Again. Most likely with a lot of murder involved. warnings: blood, murder, abusive-ish-kinda relationship, death mentions, physical harm, court proceeding that isn’t a court proceeding that might offend an ace attorney fan (a/n): well, I threw the truckload in here, didn’t i? Inspiration was from the many vines of Hitman Jones with SonReal’s “Can I Get A Wtiness?”, or, y’know, the one that goes “I am the man~” Enjoy! :D

_______________________

“Your honor, if I may intrude-“

“Get your feet off ze table!!!”

“Geeze, judge, no need to be rude.”

I could feel stares on the back of my neck. I smiled, knowing the jury was paying very close attention.

Ah, yeah, I was in another courtroom this time, being tried again. It was just a little slip yesterday—myself having a bit of fun; it was simply by chance that they found me with blood on my hands. Luckily, they’d never find who it belonged too, though the murder reports frolicking around Ney York was enough for them to arrest and try a random stranger in an alley with his hands stained red. Ha ha.

Arthur would be so mad.

The courtroom was big, empty, comprising mostly of auburn wood and a marble floor. It would be easy to start a fire in here. The seats were wooden—and a little creaky. I liked the sound. I rocked back and forth on my heals, making the chair squeak, making the noise echo, and making the German judge in front of me look like he was about to have a stroke.

That would be nice, wouldn’t it? To kill someone without doing anything more than bouncing your heels.

“Stop it! You- you…! Ah, does this man not have a name?” The judge yelled and rand his fingers through a bunch of frayed papers on his desk, those of which he immediately began to organize into a neat pile. Ah, a neat-freak. Extremely easy to piss off.

“No, your honor, I was born nameless and covered in blood,” I declared with a grinning mouthful of teeth.

The judge’s blond brow twitched. “What are you saying?“

“Well, I ain’t lyin’! Not everyone’s born with a predetermined name and you can’t tell me you flew out of your momma’s vagina all squeaky clean!”

“Enough!” He growled and banged his hammer-thingy on his wooden thingy. The already quiet courtroom seemed to hush even more. Above the angry German, the clock read 11:56, almost noon. The harsh sunlight was already beaming through the windows to the right.

“You,” The judge started again. “You have no name, no record, no face recognition. Who are you? A foreigner?”

“Maybe, maybe not. I could be Japanese for all you know.”

He tucked in a breath. “You—! Be straight with me, young man!”

“Sorry, I’m, like, really gay and I find dicks hot so it’s a no-can-do there!”

He gaped like a fish, surprise on his face. A snicker or two came from the jury stands before he silenced them with his hammer.

“Listen here! You have numerous offenses already—refusal to cooperate is one of them! Having no records makes you highly suspicious. This cannot be tolerated. I am breaking numerous procedures here and it pains me so, but answer me one thing, if you will not answer anything else! Whose blood was on your hands and what were you doing with that baseball bat?”

The judge leered, inching forwards with his hands on the table. He was daring me, behind his glasses. I offered a lazy stare behind mine. Above him the clock read 11:59

“Uhh, I plead the fifth?”

His hands were rammed on the table and he collapsed back in his chair. Then he was fixing up the disturbed pile of papers.

“Hey, what kind of trial are you running here, judge-y?” I teased, leaning back on my arms behind my head and bringing my legs up on the table. “No prosecutor, no defendant. Just you and, uh, the jury?”

“I’m early. They arrive at noon. And you have no rights to speak to me!” He snapped.

“You have no rights to speak either, bro. We’re in the same boat. What? I don’t even get a lawyer?”

Right, on the spot, the clock reading 12 noon, the double doors on the other side of the room burst open in a flurry and all heads were turning. In walked a blond man in a posh, tailored, black suit, outfitted with a nice green necktie. He had a briefcase in one hand, a phone in the other, and shades over hidden eyes.

“I am Lovino Vargas, replacement lawyer for the defendant, your honor,” he introduced, Italian accent heavy, as he came to drop his suitcase next to me.

“Um, Mr. Vargas. Ah—w-wasn’t Feliciano supposed to be his—“

“My brother cannot come today. He has gone down with the cold, you see. I replace him for today.”

With a quick scan of his papers, the flustered judge nodded an affirmation. “So you will.” He breathed, relaxed, and slumped subtly into his chair. His fingers, however, remained fidgeting with the papers.

And the man sat next to me, unwilling to look my way. Still, I grinned at the sight of thick, fuzzy eyebrows above the shades.

I leant in with a whisper, “Hey, Arthur.”

“Shut up, Jones.” He muttered quietly, lips barely moving. “Jesus Christ, must I rescue you every time, you good for nothing idiot?”

“I recall a time I rescued you, Artie.”

“Shut it.”

The jury had begun to mutter and the judge was, once again, distracted by his papers. They were waiting for the rest of the court. They would never come.

“Hey, Art, when’s it gonna go off?”

“About 12:04,”

“But that’s about-“

“Oh! For the love of god!” He cried out loud, throwing his hands up in the air. The jury and judge immediately turned to him and I tucked myself into my seat, hands in my lap and head down looking meek and embarrassed.

“This, this criminal has to use the restroom, your honor! He has been bugging me for the past minute. Please, to appease this man, may I take him there?”

Despite the strange sentence, Arthur’s was as convincing as always; his voice was a holy grail of genuine emotion and persuasion. And he pulled it off, for the judge fumbled and blinked.

“Ah, y-yes. Take, um, take a guard, will you?”

Two were posted at the front door. Wearing all black, bullet-proof vests and carrying a rifle each. Arthur pulled me up from my seat. How would he handle this?”

“Oh, your honor, may we take both of these men? I do not trust this criminal.”

“Um, y-yes! You shall. Go on, then.”

Maybe it was just this guy being terrible at his job, or maybe Arthur had gotten something in his drink earlier. Whatever it was, I grinned happily.

“Thanks, Mr.Vargas. Man, I really gotta do number two, if you know what I mean.” I stated as I walked down the aisle. Both guards each took one of my arm and Arthur walked behind them.

We emerged into a brightly lit hallway that took a sharp turn just three doors down. The floor was the same white marble and a potted plant stood in the corner. I had a feeling that the bathroom was a long way off.

Upon turning the corner, everything looked the same for a long way, but the pressure on my arms were immediately relieved.

I turned to Arthur who had a bloodied stainless-steel knife in his hands. He was posed casually with his arms at his sides and stood above two crumpled heaps of black-clothed guards. He knelt, wiped the knife off on a guard’s shoulder, and stuck it back in his inner breast pocket.

“Come on, Jones,” Sighed Arthur and he began to walk down the hallway. I followed at his heels, grinning.

“Thanks, babe.”

“You don’t call me that, you fucking idiot.”

“Aw, c’mon, don’t be like that!” I couldn’t help my giggle.

Immediately, I was pulled into a room and thrown to the floor. It was an office room, with a meeting table, a few chairs, some filing cabinets and a long window on the other wall.

Arthur stood above me, sneering, his shades now off and his green eyes glinting with anger. He locked the door.

“You absolute fool!” He spat, now back to his old British accent. “Do you realize how much danger you’ve put us in? They know your face now, Alfred! You are a lead to them now.”

“Relax, Art. A fire’s gonna break out in their records room after your bomb goes off, and I put a bug in their system so it’ll crash for a bit. Also, I deleted every little bit of record they have on me, so no worries!”

Despite my obviously brilliant justification, I was met with a harsh slap to the side of my head. I laughed.

“Fucking idiot! Think you’re so cunning, so brilliant, so sneaky. You think you’re the best hitman that’s ever been, huh?” Another smack, harder, drawing blood from my lips. The iron taste… delicious. “you’re nothing but a helpless fuck who I have to bail out every time you get caught!” Another lie from him. Another smack from him. “Useless!”

“If I’m so useless, dear Artie, why do you save me each time? Why not let me rot?” I grinned, excited, biting my lip just to get another drop of that metallic taste.

And Arthur smiled back.

“Because, dear Alfie,” he said, gently cupping my chin in the hand he used to hurt me. “I don’t plants seeds just to throw away my harvest.”

In the distance, the explosion went off. The bomb in Arthur’s suitcase which would have killed everyone in that court—everyone who’d seen my face. A vibration that shook the room at the edge of my fuzzy vision. Neither of us acknowledged it.

And he licked my lip, tasted my blood, sent a shiver down my spine, before he got up and offered a helping hand so I could do the same.

And it was always like this. Well, not always.

He had to find me first. He had to break me first. He had to quench my spirit with sharp words, harsh beatings, and biting psychological hurt. He had to crush my mind and body, before resurrecting me with a renewed vigor, a different flame, a different spirit. He brought me back half-dead, and that was why I’m alive.

No, I’m not the old me. No, I’m not flawless, I’m not the best. That was Arthur. I don’t say sorry, I don’t care about manners. I’m not perfect.

But I am who I am, the man Arthur broke into shape. And he’ll keep breaking me as he pleases, despite it being enough, because in his logistics, why not?

Yeah, I love him for that.

#usuk #ukus #fanfiction #hitman jones #aph america #aph england #au #aph germany #one shot #hetalia #usukus #alfred f. jones #arthur kirkland #usuk fanfiction #ukus fanfiction #nish #fanfic #assassin kirkland

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sufferthesea · 7 years ago

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Transitional Period

Okay so I feel really lame writing this but I think it's also important. I keep apologizing for not being super active on this blog anymore, and there's a number of reasons I haven't. Most of it has been health related but anyway. I started this blog because I hated my other blog and wanted to do something new with a fandom I'd been in for a long time (10+ years), so after talking with Katie ( @shiranuigenma ), I decided to create this Naruto blog. But it wasn't intended to be just a Naruto blog, but that's how it kind of ended up since that's what I was into when I made it.

The fact that I've kept this a 98% Naruto blog is awesome because my attention span and energy allotted for a fandom is around 3-4 months. After that I usually get bored or burnt out and have to find something else. Making friends and participating in things like Kakashi Week, and just doing art and writing fanfics, has helped me to maintain interest in this blog for a lot longer than I thought I would. So thank you!! You guys are awesome!!!

(Okay real quick I'm not quitting lol. I know it sounds like it. But I'm not.) Basically, I was getting so burnt out on Naruto that I was dreading getting on this blog and I didn't want to watch it anymore. That's why I've been MIA. I literally only follow Naruto blogs at the moment. I don't want this to become a trash blog like my last one that I abandoned, so I'm still going to be kind of selective with what I reblog. Anyway. To combat the staleness and burnt out feeling I had, I got into a few other shows with my friends and that's really all I've been watching (RWBY, RvB, and YouTube if you're curious). It sounds dumb but it's really helped me a lot because I'm not so exhausted and wearing myself out trying to be ~the cool singular fandom blog~ that I'm really not meant to be. (Yo, major kudos to those who can do that.)

So anyway, 2018 has been not super unkind, but very tough for me. You grow from challenges, right? But it's also important to not be challenging yourself 24/7 for 6 months straight with little sleep and locking yourself away in your bedroom. I am not Maito Gai. I cannot do that. So here's a few things about my blog that'll carry us into summer 2018 and hopefully allow me to be more active and not so stressed and sad!!!! Esp since I still don't have a job even tho I'm looking!! And I'm getting tired of ppl telling me “Well just get a job??? Just go get hired???” like !!! what do you think I am doing???

Requests are now closed indefinitely. I'm going to finish up the few I have, but after that I'm closing them. They were super fun but I have so many things backlogged that it hasn't been as fun anymore. I send love and thanks to all those who sent in requests while they were open! It was a fun experiment and I got to really test myself by writing for characters I don't normally write for!

Writing commissions are closed indefinitely. I’ll complete the one I have, but then that’ll be it for now. These too were also fun and challenged me more than anything else I've done. I got to write some very unique and difficult topics and I'm so thankful for those who trusted me enough with their stories to do this. However, the amount of time and mental energy it took was too much and severely underselling myself made it difficult to justify the time I was spending. (I've read writers should charge around 1 – 3 cents a word. I was charging $0.001 cents a word lmao. Whoops. I actually don't mind but it is hard to make a living like that.)

Art commissions are still OPEN! And btw, I do have a ko-fi. I'm thinking about doing something like, one coffee = one bust of your character of choosing? (which is same price as commissions whoops lol.) Idk yet. I won't be doing any writing for ko-fi, though.

I was going to create a side blog for the other fandoms I'm in but side blogs are tedious and annoying to manage so I'm probably just going to start posting stuff here. If you don't want to see it, you can start blacklisting tags now. I'll be tagging things as #rwby, #rvb, #not naruto (that's my catch-all tag for anything, uhh, not Naruto). Expect a lot of Ozpin, Qrow, Church, and Washington because even tho I was inactive here, it does not mean I stopped hoeing around in other fandoms. Oh, also expect an occasional #game grumps because #dan avidan is way cute.

I'm also going to be posting fanart for other fandoms here too. It's been nice to draw stuff other than Nardo. I'll still be doing Naruto stuff (I have a ton of Naruto projects I'm working on) but silly little doodles will probably be from RWBY.

I'm also in this weird kinda scary period in my life with school and career options. I have a degree in English and it's always been assumed I'd be a teacher but I don't want to be?? I realized recently that I love to draw and I'm getting quite good at it (with the help of my sister who is my own real-life youtube tutorial for SAI), so both my sister and I are going back to college for a Studio Art degree. I'm thinking about getting into animation and I'm scared because it's not a secure or “traditional” job??? I'm scared because I'm not settling on a job I don't want or a field I just assumed I'd go into. I'm not good with big changes or going into things when it's uncertain, so I'm like ….. /anxiety increases/ But I'm hoping it'll be good.

Just as an extra bullet point and a reminder, I still really love Kakashi, Iruka and Obito, and all my other guys!! Don't think I forgot about them!!

Sorry this is 10 million years long but it was important to me to write all that. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reblog your art or fics and comment on them. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you guys and responded to messages. I'm sorry I'm not as active. I've just been figuring stuff out and hanging out with friends, and watching other things so I don't grow to despise Naruto lol. So. That's about it. I probably forgot something.

Oh, I have 21 plants growing in my windowsill. 2 are decorative and the other 19 are going to go in my garden in the backyard bc they’re herbs and vegetables. And I'm going to cosplay for the first time next month and I might meet the voice actor for kid Obito. So. There's that.

#mine 44 #akimi.txt #transitional period #updates #so anyway #/breathes easy/#sorry to be dramatic #thank you for putting up with me #i love you guys!!!#im gonna go finish my weiss drawing #and then watch some youtube

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4626songs · 7 years ago

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Everyone deserves a great love story. This one is mine.

So. Here’s the thing.

Is it even appropriate for a 38-year-old guy to obsess over a major studio teenage rom-com flick? People my age who saw it usually say they wish they had something like that when they were that age – like, 20 years ago? I probably should behave like a proper adult, too: just love the movie and wish I had it back then when I was seventeen.

The problem is that after watching the movie and reading the original book, I feel seventeen once again. In all the right and wrong ways.

The case in point: Love, Simon.

I mean, yes. I’m done keeping my story straight.

When it comes to the emotional intellect – i.e., empathy and ability to recognize others’ as well as my own emotions – I am a certified piece of dumb and voiceless deadwood. I mean, I even officially have it in my DNA. But it also did not help that I grew up with emotionally detached parents and had very few friends during childhood. I’ve been struggling with the lack of emotional intellect all my life.

But when I hit adolescence and started to feel something big, it was the worst. I could not recognize and understand what the fuck was going on. And definitely I could not talk about it with anyone. Not even because I was scared. Simply because I literally did not have the words to describe it.

Eventually, it was music, movies and, ahem, slash fanfics that helped me find those right words that explained me to me. That big thing was me being helplessly and hopelessly in love with my best friend.

Curiously, I did not have any struggles with my sexuality or identity after this revelation. I sort of accepted me being gay as a matter of fact and moved on.

Telling anyone – and especially my best friend – about this was a completely different matter. Obviously, I was scared. As Simon says in the movie, announcing who you are to the world is pretty terrifying. But it was not just this fear. Once again, I did not have the words to tell my story. My go to sources of emotional cognition – music, movies and books – were failing me. You know, there was not a lot of coming-out, coming-of-age films or songs or books quarter of a century ago. Except maybe for Smalltown Boy. The most beautiful song. But do you remember the video? One more reason to be terrified and NOT come out.

So, I was silent. It also did not help that I knew for sure from our conversations that if I told my friend about me being gay and my feelings for him, pretty much everything good in my life would end.

I was correct. After suffering for several long years feeling increasingly cold inside from not being able to speak up and express what I feel, I finally managed to confess to him somehow. And yes, it went almost as bad as I expected. I was told that I was a misguided fool, and that I should never speak up about it again. Never speak up.

See. My first coming out experience was pretty bad. But not something objectively bad. I was not beaten up or bullied or outed, thank god. That was out of question, I knew him too well for that. But still. Somehow I was left even more dead and frozen on the inside than I was before. Not something to look for in the future.

But eventually, things got better. I found new funny and geeky hobbies, through which I met great new friends-for-life. I got three university degrees, including a PhD, and became a scientist. I started a music blog, and eventually freelanced as a music journalist. Finally being able to talk about what music meant for me was a liberation.

On a personal front, things were also moving somewhere somehow. There were other unrequited loves. Deeply engaging epistolary relationships with anonymous penpals. (Hi, Blue!) Casual sex. Proper offline boyfriends, and even serious long-term relationships. Some drama along the way, of course. But, until recently, no great love stories coming along with that. Somehow, deep inside, I ached for a great love story to happen in my life.

And then there were those other coming outs. Nothing objectively bad. Always insanely awkward. When I told my mother, she said that I had an irrevocable right to ruin my life and do whatever I want, and we hadn’t talked about me being gay for the next twelve years. A roommate did not believe I was gay at first, and then, when I insisted that I was not joking, he cussed and stopped talking to me for two weeks. A girl who had a crush on me laughed with relief that there’s something wrong with me and not her as I didn’t return her feelings. But there were other friends, who accepted me unconditionally, sometimes even without fully understanding what I was talking about and what it meant for me. I am so grateful to them. But in the end, it was not enough for me to shake that feeling of permanent awkwardness and fear of being me. I chose to remain in the closet for the rest of the world.

But you know what’s (not really) funny? That the same happened with all other important things in my life. It’s like I was permanently living in a giant ball of awkwardness. I had to keep mostly silent about my geeky hobbies at my wonderful science job, even though these hobbies were the main source of my creativity and inspiration. In turn, my wonderful geek friends could not care less about my music tastes. My music friends kind of respected me as a science guy, but I could never talk with them about actual science. And beneath all of that was this big-ass gay secret. It’s like I was living at least four parallel lives, but never a complete one.

I guess once you decide to remain in the closet about one thing, you cannot fully be yourself about other stuff. I became so used to self-editing. Self-censorship. Strategic omissions. And, worst of all, being mute about most important things with most important people.

There are all those reasons why you should continue doing so. It’s dangerous to come out in my home country. It could harm me. It could cause collateral damage to my colleagues, students, professional networks, projects I worked on. It could hurt my family.

But the truth is, people can get no less hurt when you choose to be mute. I know I hurt people by not speaking up about something important to them and choosing silence instead. But there is even a bigger danger. Once you start to pile up silences, little white lies, and strategic omissions, they may grow up to the size of a mountain, and one day simply crumble under their own weight. There will be a lot of pain and harm involved. And I wonder: what if there was no mountain from the very beginning?

Still, the worst is what you are doing to yourself. When you cannot make yourself talk about things that are important to you, you either become a pressure cooker and explode one day – or they slowly die within you, freezing you in the process. And these may be too precious things to lose.

I have thought that eventually, I became better at talking. I have a group of wonderful friends with whom, I thought, I could be more or less myself in every sense, including gay stuff. But somehow, even after all these years, I still cannot do it all, even with them. I cannot even reply to a Facebook challenge about 10 favorite albums, because, like, at least 3 of them would be too gay. I cannot make myself talk about my favorite movies that made an impact on me, because, again: gay. I mumble something unintelligible about my career goals in science, because, in truth, what I mostly care about is how to solve not a grand scientific challenge, but a classic academic “two-body problem” further complicated by a gay twist.

Then one day I saw Love, Simon. That same night, I immediately bought Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda, devoured it in two sleepless nights, and re-read it twice since then. I went to see the movie, like, another seven times. And have listened to the wonderful soundtrack and the score, like, a hundred times already, and don’t plan on stopping any time soon. I simply cannot get enough of this movie and of the Simonverse. And all the time I’ve been trying to sort out why did it hit me so hard and sweet? Why have I suddenly turned into an obsessed teenage fanboy?

Then I realized, I am just so fucking sick and tired of not speaking. I simply cannot stand it anymore. I need to speak. I have to speak. I must speak. Somehow, Simon and his story made it so obvious. Why I was so stupid not realizing it before?

But there’s another twist to that. Everyone deserves a great love story.

I’ve never seen a movie in my life to which I could relate so strongly. Yes, I was that “just like you” kid back then. Living a normal life without any really big problems. Obsessed with music and friendships. Awkward and unable to speak about important things. Alone.

(Oh god. Do you even realize how lonely Simon should have felt if his favorite song is Waltz #2??)

Unfortunately, my great first love story never happened. Instead, I shut myself up for decades to come. But somehow, Love, Simon movie and incredible writing by Becky Albertalli put me right there, back into my seventeen year old me, and finally showed how that first love story could have happened differently, retroactively replacing those long-buried feelings of sadness and despair with joy about the things to come.

And, boy, they did come. Who knew that you can finally get your own very personal great love story when you are at 34, almost ready to give up on happiness? It was wild, it was unpredictable, it was fateful, it was insane, it was unbearably romantic. It was – and, four years later, still is – love.

This story also physically moved me across oceans and continents to, out of all places, the city of Atlanta, Georgia. So, imagine this extra little level of relatability in Love, Simon / Simon vs. (That damn Radiohead, April 2 concert that I did not get to! That gay bar scene!) And now I’m dying to tell my story. Because that’s the most important and amazing thing that happened in my life. Because it is about hope. Because it is about breaking through. Because it is about believing that you deserve everything you want. Because love is a game we deserve to play out loud.

The problem is that I still haven’t quite figured out how to tell my story. Old habits die hard. But I will try. As I said, I cannot stay silent anymore. I need to come out. And I’ll start here.

#love simon #simon vs #svthsa #coming out #coming of age #lgbt

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araminthe-ispwitch · 7 years ago

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hi so i love your writing its amazing i especially love gay highschool romance its my favourite i was wondering if i could have some advice im trying to write a school fic and im not sure how to transition between different characters since theres quite a lot. its in third person if that helps. if you have any other tips for school fics id be happy to hear them :)

WOWOKAY HOLY SHIT IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE SOMEONE PRAISED MY KNB FIC

(Alsoshit I have to update OTL)

((butalso wOW??? SOMEONE’S ASKING FOR WRITING ADVICE FROM ME???))

(((Okay,I rambled way too much here with advice when you were just asking aboutcharacter transitions… so uh I’ll just put this under Keep Reading. Anon, yourspecific question is answered on #6. If anyone’s interested in writing tips, feel free to skip some ramblings.)))

Well,okay, actually, The ExaggeratedlyPerilous Journey of a Gay High School Romance or GHSR had been my veryfirst school fic (I can’t count that one DNAngel fic ‘cause the setting washalf-outside of school…) and the one thing I noticed while writing it was that ahuge cast of characters needs to be handled with care, otherwise things cangrow way out of proportion.

Letme give a little more exposition on what happened to me exactly first, so you’llunderstand how important writing this fic had been for me:

GHSRwas my second fic in my entire life. After my DNAngel fic (which I really don’t encourage you guys to readunless you want a cringe-y flashback to your teenage weaboo days), I took along break from writing until KnB came along and inspired me. Now, whathappened in that break was that I got slowly influenced by other writers’styles as I read and read, so once I started creating GHSR, it was oodles morerefined than my first fic.

Butit still had that weaboo factor in it somewhere. I hadn’t practiced in a while,so I haven’t gotten rid of that thing yet.

(Andhere I will admit that my first writing style was really heavily inspired by acertain DNAngel fic author. She had written crackfics and I unfortunately adoptedher habit of using “blunette, blue orbs, teardropped, etc.” Yeah. Are youcringing yet? ‘Cause I am. Still, thanks for inspiring me, lady.)

Now,when I wrote Ch. 1 and 2 of GHSR, I was still using my old style. But as Iwrote chapters 3, 4, and 5—and as my word count climbed higher and higher forevery chapter jesus christ—I finally started to find my own style and startedcorrecting all the cringe-y habits I had before (hence why I had refined Chapter1 a while back). So what I’m saying here,anon, is that that experimental school fic of mine practically made me realize howto properly write a school fic.

(I’msorry this will be a bit longer pls bear with me let’s focus on the advice partnow)

Okay,first of all, if your school fic will be having a huge cast (because you canactually writing a fic set in a school without writing a lot of characters init), it’s best to really know each character’s persona. This is easy since if youread a lot of fanfics about the fandom you’re going to write for, you will havea lot of references on how the character is written by the majority. Forexample, I learned how to write Takao by reading works about him, and then Ijust added my own interpretation of him a bit and viola, I now have a Takao whofits my “everyone goes to one school” AU. It’s amazing because a lot of myreaders tell me Takao is so in-character in my fic, but when you really thinkabout it, his entire character isn’t completely shown in the canon as opposedto Kuroko or Kagami, right? But I managed to write him well enough that heseems natural to the readers because they’ve read other works about him, too—andall because I did my research on how his character works!

Anotherexample for this is when I fucked up Kagami’s character. OTL

Backin GHSR’s Ch. 1, I freely wrote Kagami as this food-loving delinquent who ispretty much down to fight. I was sofucking wrong. Watching the next seasons of KnB, I realized with horrorthat I fudged him up so bad and was really so embarrassed and basically, Iwanted to delete my fic right then and there. He’s a food lover, yeah, but he’snot actually actively looking fortrouble. He’s actually a well-mannered kid who is just skirting close todelinquency due to his looks, but is actually just a huge basketball dork.Those times he gets in trouble with authorities? Not actually his fault becausehe’s a mischievous kid—he’s just really unlucky lmao.

(Andthat is why I rewrote Ch. 1. I didn’t do enough research on him and I felt bad.OTL)

Okay,so basically this first advice is me telling you to read other fanfics and do your research. Major characters arepretty easy since they’re popular. It’s the side/minor ones you have to payattention to if you’re going to make them protagonists like what I did withGHSR, since they’re not fully fleshed out and it’s up to the fans to give themtheir own interpretation (like what I did with Sakurai Ryou). A word ofcaution, though: you have to be carefulin distinguishing canon from fanon during your writing. Fanon tends tooverwhelm the canon when the fandom accepts it more—when in reality, the fanonis inaccurate. I can’t think of an example in KnB, but in Yuri on Ice, OtabekAltin had become an Ensemble Dark Horse character in the anime because of hisconnection to Yuri Plisetsky, one of the major characters. Despite his littlescreen time, he’s now one of the most popular guys in the fandom and because ofhis character profile’s small size, the fans have pretty much supplied itthemselves—which kind of ruined his persona a bit. I’ve seen some fanworkswhere he seemed out of character, and that’s a bit dangerous when you’rewriting. So tread carefully when researching characters through fanworks.

Secondadvice: research school fics by reading school fics. Yep, this oneis pretty simple. Just find a school fic, and if you can’t put it down, keepreading and enjoy. You can come back for serious studying on it. (You can do soon my fic lol.) Even better: find a school fic on the fandom you’re going towrite for! If its style is within your standards, then go ahead and use it as astudy material. You might think I’m telling you to copy it, but oh no, I’m actuallytelling you to let it influence yourknowledge of how school fics work. For example, when I was inspired towrite for DNAngel, I never bothered about the mechanics of how schools incertain countries work—because I thoughtthat all schools in the world worked the same. (I hate teenage me.) It wasonly through spending enough time with anime and fanfics that bothered todescribe the Japanese schools’ inside slipper system that I realized that “oh fuck I’ve been basing Japanese schoolson my country’s schools oH SHIT”. Now, I can get away with that in DNAngel,where the rules and the world are a bit screwy. But I cannot bullshit my way through KnB, an anime that is fucking based in Japan. I, as a writer, amexpected to be responsible enough to research the setting of KnB, which is Japan’s education system. So not only amI telling you to research by reading school fics, I am also telling you toresearch the setting of the story. Chances are, there will be some differencesfrom what you know and what is actually real. And not only the setting, too, butthe culture of the school—not all schools mandate their students to clean theirrooms by themselves, and not all schools freely allow their students to go therestroom (looking at you, America). These are simple things you can look up onGoogle, and if you’re lucky, you’ll come across stuff like this in Tumblr, too.

Thirdadvice: it’s okay to be vague sometimes.There’s no need for you to be specific on a lot of details or even reverentlywrite what happened to a character the whole day. You can skip the time to amore interesting event or just be general about something. Because if you getway too focused on giving out every detail, not only will it bore your readers,it will also bore you and tire you out. Take GHSR, for example. In Ch. 5, thetimeline was from Tuesday to Friday, but despite my overly-long chapter, I didn’tactually write every single day on the story from morning to night. I showedwhat was happening in school in general and skipped to the really important andeventful moments for my characters to give movement to the story. Because I can’tjust put so much interaction if it doesn’t mean anything—that would be pointlessand exhausting. This really helpswhen your school fic has a huge cast, like mine. (In fact, the only reason thefirst few chapters were reverently following each day was because the startingcast was small, but it’ll soon grow and I’ll have to put plenty of time-skips.)

Eventhough what you’re writing is a school fic, you still have a designatedprotagonist, so most of the story revolves around them, hence the need to notdetail every single aspect of their life. It’s only called a school fic becausethat’s their setting.

Fourthadvice: your protagonist doesn’t have totalk to everybody in the room. Imagine Kagami in his classroom in my fic,with Aomine beside him, and Kuroko and Sakurai at the back. And then all theother classmates have been replaced with the cast of KnB—so technically, everyoneknows each other inside that room. Now, just because Kagami knows everyonedoesn’t mean he’s entitled to chat all of them up—nor are you entitled to forcehim to. Some writers (most especially those starting out, as I saw this yearsago, but hopefully, this generation has learned) think they have to forceinteractions for everybody so it won’t be boring, but actually, that would besuch a tedious process. You have to think about this realistically, even thoughit’s fiction. Even the most social butterfly in KnB would get tired if theyhold conversations with everyone in the span of a certain period of time. Thepurpose of a school fic is to emulate a school setting, and you don’t reallysee everyone interacting with each other, right? That would be chaos. Let therebe peace—in intervals. For example, when Misdirection was having their firstpractice in GHSR back in Ch. 4, everyone knew each other in the clubroom, but Ididn’t write them all talking to each other. Aomine and Midorima were isolatedfrom the rest and hadn’t talked to the others unless necessary. So unless your character wants to interact with someone specifically, it’sokay to just let them be silent.

Fifthadvice: DON’T PHYSICALLY DESCRIBE YOURCHARACTERS WHEN YOU’RE WRITING IN THEIR PERSPECTIVE.JUST DON’T. There’s this post I’ve found in Tumblr (which I urge you to read) after finishing Chapter5, where it’s a bit demeaning to refer to the character you’re using with blandtitles/epithets like “the blonde” or “the male”, as if that was the only thing going for them. I admitted that it is, but at the same time, I gottause this style sometimes becausethere will always be scenes where several characters are all altogether. InGHSR, I can’t help but refer to Hyuga as the “bespectacled one” because thereare other black-haired upperclassmen besides him. Even with Kagami and Akashi—Ihave to distinguish the two. It helps that you describe their other features,but giving them titles like the ones above can be a bit too much if there’s noone else in the area that has the same description, ya know? So I propose this:

Don’tdo this:

The black-haired and blue-eyed kickboxer stared at the mop of blondehair he could see outside the gates and sighed.

Do this:

The kickboxer stared at the mop of blonde hair he could see outsidethe gates and sighed.

“ButAra!” you say, with shocked eyes, “isn’t the first one your style? That line wasin the beginning of Chapter 5!”

Yes,it is. But you know what else? I wrote that line over two fucking years ago. I posted the chapter over a year ago and I didn’t edit that lineout. But over the course of a year, my style concerning this naming thing haschanged, and now I am actively trying to lessen that kind of thing in my works.I didn’t have to remind my readers that Kasamatsu Yukio had black hair and blueeyes. That was just my ego talking,being fancy as I add the descriptions to his title. That whole thing wasone of the very habits I’ve retained from my DNAngel days—and I fucking hate it actually so please don’t emulate me and just keepyour character’s self-perspective simple. Please.

Okay,sixth advice (and the last one for now because this has become too long): transitioning between characters inthird-person perspective is easy as long as you keep things SIMPLE. Sobasically, you just have to apply the simplicity above when leaping from onecharacter to another! It’s actually pretty easy when it involves dialogue:

Sakurai chuckled nervously at the answer. “I-I’m sure they canimprove, Sensei.”

“Oh, I’m hoping for it. Otherwise, we’ll all be in trouble,” said Kogawith an aggravated sigh.

“Maybe if you didn’t suspend us, we wouldn’t be struggling right now,”muttered Aomine, glancing sideways at the door.

See?For every line of dialogue, there was a corresponding character assigned to it.Dialogue tags and extra exposition helps.

Onthe other hand, for internal narration:

As much as Kise wanted to see Kasamatsu as soon as possible, hedecided to hold back since it was obvious his best friend needed a companion—anotion that Midorima rejected almost immediately, of course. Shintarou didn’tneed anyone tagging along with him as he switched from one department toanother. And he most definitely didn’t need Kise Ryouta pestering him withquestions about Takao.

Seehow in the first half, the narration was in Kise’s third-person POV, and thenon the other half, it’s Midorima’s? As long as you’re referring to who is thinkingat the moment and showing the readers whose mind it is you’re narrating,everything will be fine.

Thisalso works with dialogue-to-narration:

“You four are already in an agreement, correct?” he askedmatter-of-factly. The four high-schoolers paused at his words, staring at himin surprise and bubbling dread. There was something about the way the lightglinted off the math teacher’s glasses that warned them to be cautious, and sothey reluctantly nodded.

Thefirst sentence was in Koga-sensei’s POV, then the rest was showing what Kagami,Aomine, Kuroko, and Sakurai were experiencing.

Justkeep things simple. The best tip I can offer here is “if you’re gettingconfused by the transitions yourself,then chances are, your readers will be, too.”

Soagain:

1)Study your characters’ personas.

2)Research by finding similar works.

3)Being vague in storytelling is alright sometimes.

4)Social interaction with each character in a large group isn’t a must.

5)Don’t dump descriptions on your character all the time. (Unless you’re writingcomedy, but that’s for another lesson.)

6)Keep things simple so character transitions aren’t confusing or jarring.

That’sall I can think of for now. If you still have specific questions, don’t beafraid to message me! Honestly, though? Just keep on experimenting andpracticing with your writing. Read fanfics and do your research. That phasebetween DNAngel and KnB was my dominant experimental phase and actually, I’mstill improving and refining my own style, which you’ll notice if you check outmy new fics. Go and find your own style, too! :)

#writing #writing advice #writing tips #Kuroko no Basuke #KnB #Ara's being weird again #shut up Ara #my god have i ever talked to you through the reviews before?#it's been so long #Ch. 6 is delayed so badly i know...#Anonymous #Ara gets asked

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