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nervouswhizkid · 8 days ago

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alright, u know what time it is. i've finished season 3 of voltron, so here's a whole dump of all my thoughts :o]

it was so weird starting out this season with no shiro. i felt so bad for keith, he was struggling so much without him and you could tell. it did throw me off that everyone was acting semi-normal even though shiro was missing?? like lance was so Lance (especially in the first episode) if that makes sense (which, like, if i think about it that's pretty on brand for him. i feel like he's the type to hide behind that flirty easygoing attitude when shit's going down.) i was freaking out when the lion swap happened ohmygod. i still have mixed feelings about it?? like i can kinda get used to keith in the black lion, but lance being in the red is so strange to me. they're just so red & blue coded, it's weird to put them in lions that don't match that. my heart was breaking when lance was begging black to let him be the new leader, you can tell he wants to prove himself so bad. and when blue wouldn't let lance in and he was having a mental crisis over it, i was genuinely in tears. he's got so much insecurity hidden behind that carefree mask and it makes me so sad i just wanna hug him😭 even though i'm not entirely on board with the lion swap, i did like the way it was executed. everyone gets in their lions to go fight, except oh wait! lance isn't following, where is he?? his lion is refusing him?? what! (i'll be completely honest though, i feel like i've read fics that have had something like this play out and they STILL did it better than the show did LMAO)

i also loved that it was LANCE out of all the paladins that became the new red pilot. he was worthy enough to be keith's right hand🥹 i feel like there was such a big emphasis on klance this season, there were so many important moments for their development.

key moment one:

the way EVERYONE was looking at lance to comfort keith??? and lance wasn't even thrown by it, didn't even seem to notice them staring at him. he was only focused on keith. he doubts himself in so many other areas, but when it comes to being there for keith there was no hesitation. he would have done it whether the others were there or not.

key moment two:

when keith came out of the black lion clearly upset and tried turning down the leadership position. again, everyone is chiming in and telling him that black has chosen him, he's their new leader, he has to do this. but he brushes them off, he's adamant in his decison. only when lance steps forward and tells him that he accepts his new authority, keith was willing to give it a shot. what if i scream

key moment THREE:

when lotor lured team voltron to planet thayserix and keith went a little cuckoo trying to catch him, he and lance end up having a moment where keith admits he's taken it too far, putting the team in jeopardy in his rush to capture lotor. and in perfect lance fashion, he agrees with keith. and then he supports him and says let's go fix it together.

this doesn't mean anything, he's just so prettyboy in this scene i had to add

moving on. lotor's character has me conflicted. his introduction had me thinking he was different from his father, and then it swaps to him talking shit with this inner group and sounding like he IS just like his father, he just presents a different front to the general public. but then a few episodes later, his plans are conflicting with what the witch (sorry i literally cannot ever remember her name) wants, and she's supposedly zarkon's right hand, so by that logic lotor is going against his father's plans?? and i think it's in episode 5 where he says "i am the leader! but i am not my father." so what is it really huh. i can't figure this guy out, i don't know whether to root for him or not

i'll tell you who i'm not rooting for though. lotor's group of misfits, that's who. i literally cannot stand them for some reason. that creepy blind person with the cat ANNOYS ME. they're so op it's actually crazy. i definitely dislike the lot of them because they're capable adversaries, which i know is the whole point, but also i just love these characters so much and i want them to be happy and win 😾 is that too much to ask???

i'm also a little bit of an allura hater...i'm still unaware of how that opinion is received in the fandom, so pls don't crucify me. i still have a bad taste in my mouth from her treatment of keith when the team found out he was galra, okay? i'm sure someday i'll get over it. or maybe i won't. we'll see. it was also frustrating to watch her try and pilot the blue lion. you're telling me this girl's dad is the creator of voltron, she was the one who instructed the paladins on how to connect with their lions, stressed the importance of teamwork, and she STILL thought she could boss blue around?? i'm sure it was purely to provide conflict for the story and deliver that payoff when she finally figures out how to work with her lion, but imo it was a little unrealistic for her character. yes, she's royalty and most people defer to her authority, but i just feel like she would have known better, especially considering most of the time she seems uncomfortable by people worshipping her. and episode 4?? her weak spot seems to be anything connecting back to her altean heritage, because she almost let the totalitarian alternate universe versions of her people into their universe simply because they were altean. yes, she quickly realized what was going on and switched sides, but i can't get over how easily she trusts anything altean, meanwhile she's skeptical of everything else. i know that's how bias works, but i can't standdddd hypocrisy it gets on my nerves like nothing else!!

episode 5 was wild. i don't know what they did to shiro, but it's got me so nervous for him and the team. the galra clearly let him escape, it was just too easy. him waking up alone, no guards or anyone to intercept him leaving his chambers? walking around, no sentries anywhere? he witnesses ANOTHER(?) shiro being experimented on before making his way to a pod and zipping away?? and most notably, the "notify command headquarters. operation kuron stage three is underway." to me, there's only one reason why a prisoner would be allowed to return to their group. sabotage. is he some kind of sleeper agent? but like, unknowingly?? and what about the memory that popped up while he was looking at the other shiro? and HOW is there another shiro? this is so fucking confusing. but, and this could also just be a change in artstyle, he looks different to me? why does his face look so weird🧍‍♀️

LOOK AT THIS MAN. THAT IS NOT SHIRO

not to mention, shiro's return causes some issues within the team. for one, there's not enough lions for everyone. i didn't think that was a huge deal, but obviously it's a little strange for someone like shiro to not be doing anything. and if he did get black back, what does that mean for keith? or lance? or allura? they've all been displaced. on top of that, there's now a conflicting power dynamic between shiro and keith since shiro is used to doling out orders, even though keith is the one leading them now.

special mention for another klance moment:

even with all the leadership confusion, i think it's important that lance chose keith to talk to about his concerns for the team. he views keith as their leader, which is insane(!) given that shiro is his personal hero/idol. also the fact that keith has been his rival up to this point, and here lance is offering to step down from the team (which he's obviously fought so hard to be a part of and holds a lot of pride for!!) and better yet, keith thinks this is CRAZY. "what are you talking about?" the inflection in his voice?? he literally can't believe lance would step down. voltron without lance? it's unthinkable. i think it's obvious that lance is still doubtful, so keith connects with him the only way he knows how: by getting on lance's level. "leave the math to pidge."

AND THEN THEY BOTH SMILE AT EACH OTHERBKANJKCLFJLWA

for cohesiveness sake, i'll be referring to honerva as haggar, considering that's what she goes by now.

the finale for this season really surprised me! i wasn't expecting to get a comprehensive history on alfor's era, but i'm not complaining. i can't believe that zarkon and haggar (the witch, that's her name!!) are MARRIED?? that's freaking crazy. and they didn't even remember???

what i found interesting is how their experimentation with quintessence affected them, both after they "died" and came back to life, and even before that. by the second half of the episode, the toll haggar's work had on her was obvious. she was clearly going crazy, suffering from malnutrition, and passed out after alfor argued with them and left. i could be looking into it too much, but i'm wondering if it had been affecting haggar for longer than that. when zarkon first met her, she seemed kind, almost sweet. definitely capable and incredibly smart, but she had a soft disposition. years later, when alfor has allura and zarkon and haggar are married, she's lost any sign of a smile and doesn't seem to care for pleasantries or idle chitchat. her responses are clipped and noncommittal, unless it's pertaining to her work. i think that was the first sign. the whole situation is just so horrific.

i'm also just realizing, does this mean lotor is the son of haggar and zarkon?? IS HE HALF ALTEAN???

another small detail i wanted to mention before i finish this off:

is this the same cat?? it's either the same species or it's the actual same cat from alfor's era. i just thought it was interesting that he was included and, if it is the same cat, he's really fucking old LMFAO

#vld #voltron #voltron season 3 #klance #adie's voltron watchthrough #i can't decided whether i liked s2 or s3 better #there were so many lighthearted silly eps in s2 #and those hold a special place in my heart #plus the team shifted a lot in this season and i kinda miss the s1-s2 dynamic

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lixiesfreckless · 8 months ago

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p1harmony and their kinky-haired girlfriends

a bit niche, but the reader(y/n) is typically portrayed with eurocentric hair(which isn't bad!), so when this idea popped into my head yesterday I just HAD to indulge it as a kinky haired girl myself <3

Keeho

metaphorically falls to his knees whenever you come home from the salon

"oooooh girlllllll-" [immediately starts screaming with you]

will take a million photos of you because he's lowkey obsessed with everything that you do with your hair

don't know what style to do next? don't worry, he has a photo album in his phone that's kept track of every hairdo you've ever had, in case you want to try something new or return to a previous look

he WILL lay your edges better than you. and he absolutely slays the swirls that he likes to put in them

matching silk bonnets!!!

if you own any wigs, HIDE THEM if you're watching reality tv. Keeho will otherwise run to grab one while you watch the kardashians just to up the sass level

in all seriousness you guys love acting a fool in your wigs. bob-offs are a monthy endeavor

Theo

wash day connoisseur

he's taking off work. he doesn't care

knows it's a whole process and wants to help in any way he can because he's not very good at braiding or styling kinky hair

makes it into a spa day so you don't stress

has the leave in conditioner-water-gel combo DOWN and takes his time sectioning your hair so the curls define just right

loves talking to you like you're in a salon and he's just the hairdresser trying to get to know you(it's his sneaky way of checking in on you)

will complain/be sad when you say you're getting a new style in because he gets so attached to the current one but he immediately forgets the old one the minute you come home with something new

Jiung

LOVES braiding your hair. you'll actually quit going to braiders yourself in favor of staying home and binging your favorite show while jiung finishes your ends for you

in fact, if you teach him to cornrow, he will be OBSESSED with braiding cool shapes on your head in case you ever want a badass protective style

he finds it very therapeutic and loves being close to you for prolonged periods of time, bonus points if you fall asleep. he will simply die if you do that

has a playlist just for times like these </333

late night trips to the beauty supply store! because he didn't get enough rubber bands and wants to finish your hair TODAY

Intak

LITERALLY falls to his knees whenever you come home from the salon

"okay okay, this is my favorite look on you" he has said this every time

enamored and cannot stop staring at you

pictures of you allllll over his social media, he's basically a fanpage

wants you to braid his hair so bad, and when you do you both know he looks so goofy but it's adorable

"do you need anything from the beauty supply store? I'm on my way home from work right now"

oiling your scalp is his job(he won't let you do it because he knows how relaxing it is when you don't do it yourself)

he is so focused. and it is SO cute.

Soul

matching hair!!!

no I'm so serious he keeps his hair longish so you guys can always match. he will dye it, he'll let you braid it, put cute rings and charms in it etc. you guys will show up to EVERY event matching if he can help it

speaking of charms and rings, he will buy the coolest ones he can find just for you to try because he thinks you look ethereal with them and can't get enough of it

begs you to let him accessorize your hair(like you're an art piece! because you are, to him at least)

crazy head massages whenever you don't have your hair done

will always say that he doesn't have a favorite style, but whenever you get braids with beads at the end he acts a little stupid

Jongseob

this boy LOVES a good fro

doesn't matter if it's big or small he just can't wrap his head around the fact that your hair literally DEFIES GRAVITY

thinks your hair is the coolest thing in the world(he's jealous)

wants you to explain to him in detail anything that he doesn't understand. he hates having a language barrier whenever you two talk about hair and he wants it GONE

so when you notice him using lingo that you taught him, you get all flustered and he thinks it's SO cute

whenever you need to take down a protective style, he is THERE and ready to set a new record

he's literally a speedrunner and thinks it's a fun little game because it is. there's a folder in your notes app with his best times

#piwon #piwon fluff #piwon x reader #p1h #p1harmony ff #p1harmony fanfic #p1harmony #p1harmony headcanons #keeho #theo #jiung #intak #soul #jongseob #p1h fluff

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not-eli · 1 year ago

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Some peeps asked for Heather character analysis and that's literally what I live for so let's go

pay attention this is long.

Heather is portrayed since the very beginning like the perfect example of the word brat. Her literal first line is, "I'm calling my parents, you can't force me to stay here!"

Even though this could hint that she has a very close relationship with her parents, at the same time in the extra clips for the parents from home we understand that her parents aren't really so caring for her, since they were celebrating at the thought of her leaving.

Even if this can seem controversial, there's a perfect explaination for this kind of behaviour:

As an example, my cousin is a goddamn brat (so glad my family doesn't know about my blog), always whining and asking for my aunt's phone, even cussing in front of his parents, and he's about 5. The thing is, due the desire of not hearing him protest my uncles tried to please him in everything, giving him what he asked so he would stop crying.

i think that Heather's parents kind of did the same: They complied with her every request so as not to hear her complain, not because they cared about her but because they wanted her to keep quiet. Heather of course got used to this and that's literally all she knows. She knew that if she conplained, she would get what she wanted.

We also know that her parents used elettro shock therapy on her in order to "make her nicer" which also hints that they didn't have a goddamn clue of what to do with her.

Furthermore, in tda when she thought she was about to die she wrote her will where she left most of her possessions to her mother. Plus, when Chris offered the team a chance to talk to the person they were closest with, who was the person suggested to Heather? That's right, the mother.

When she "opens up" a little to Harold she asks, "do you think it's good to be hated by everyone?"

I think that her bratty behaviour, maybe even in order to gain a little of attention from her parents, led people to stay away from her and to cope she became even worse, trying to convince herself that it wasn't her, it was them.

In an extra clip (cannot find it) we learn from her younger brother that she was used to be seen as "unattractive" when she was younger, which adds to the whole "no one likes me but who cares" thing.

I have the feeling that she closed herself off for so long to avoid being seen as weak, someone who can't provide for herself. We know that her number one objective is winning and only winning, she wants the money and for what? To start a life of her own, show the world that she's Heather and she's so worth it.

However, we sometimes caugh some moments of weakness: When she broke down while teaming up with Harold, when she looked upset when Lindsay and Beth stayed away from her (who, to remember, were the only friends she made on the show), when she comforted Courtney after the whole cheating thing and lord, even when Sierra the creepy crazy girl got hurt she showed to care for her. Also, did you see how happy she looked when Cody called her "the good guy"? (well not exactly but you get my point) or when she won?

And when she fell for Alejandro, she probably thought that was stupid - why falling for a boy that will just slow you down, break your heart?

Heather is hated by everyone, it's true. But deep inside she's just a girl that never understood how the world really worked. She never got how she had to actually behave in order to be liked. When she and Alejandro had that lovey dovey honeymoon phase she genuinely looked so happy because he was treating her like a literal queen. In my opinion, she finally felt respected and that was enough for her. Until Chris mentioned the money that is.

She deserves to win again :(

@math-is-math

@cass-hector-simp

#my fingers are dying #alejandro x heather #aleheather #td heather #she deserved better #:(#character analysis

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ritzcuit · 5 days ago

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it's no secret that i am a massive fan of spirit of justice, except more specifically, i am a massive fan of datz are'bal, and More specifically, i'm a fan of datz's relationship with dhurke, which i widely have to extrapolate from context clues bc this game hates me. so i often reread the transcripts, of 6-3 and 6-5, to reflect upon the nature of datz are'bal.

well... the way he talks abt dhurke drives me crazy mostly. and i wanted to compile all the freak moments where he yaps about dhurke and the kids. Plus some random extra bits... think of it like a dhurkedatz manifesto, if you want

screenshots using the ace attorney wikia transcript. soj spoilers ahead. Obviously

we have to start midway through the third case, 'cause up until this point datz had brain damage. anyway "brother in arms" gay. "just like you!" gay. Ok not that gay. but it demonstrates datz's entire purpose for being in this game, "im going to tell you about dhurke sahdmadhi in great detail"

oh god It's starting. this is from inspecting the board of photos in the defiant dragons' office.. sorry i forgot datz's other purpose for being in this game, "i'm going to tell you about dhurke sahdmadhi's kids in great detail." i cant. hes so. endlknfgdf

just all this yapping for no reason. it's like a guy showing you photos of his kids in his wallet. Yeah he went to school to study revolution^_^ being close enough to that family to know how much yuty looked up to dhurke is so... to know yuty's motivations... why do you know all this, datz?! do you think he would help yuty study for law school 🥺well dhurke definitely did too, but like...what if both of them helped 🥺

"dhurke's been beside himself" as if datz didn't just wistfully reminisce about how yuty used to be the pride of the dragons. you are NOT an impartial party my man! "we all thought! we were sure...!" it makes me wonder how many other rebels would know that dhurke was torn up over losing his son like this. he puts on a strong face, right, like everyone in ace attorney... but datz is at least close enough to see him struggling with it. like come awn

just more yapping. mind you, datz is currently pretending to be abandoning the revolution right now (though you probably can interact with this afterwards, when he gives up on that). but still. pov you went to a defector to get info on the defiant dragons, but all he's doing is talking about their leader's sons for no damn reason

BC IT'S THE LIKE. EAGERNESS. THAT GETS ME. he knew those kids and by god he is going to tell you about them 😭

inspecting the old sign........... it brings to mind a datz who used to hang around in dhurke's old office with him, like maya does phoenix, just being in his business for no good reason. young 20 somethings with the whole world open to them. "this place has seen better days" and i know damn well datz was seeing them too! Gay

talking to datz directly, this is under "dhurke the attorney" and the fanboying Begins in earnest. again, theoretically, he is pretending to defect from the dragons right now. it's like he was fucking vibrating waiting for phoenix to ask him about his best friend. "he was a force to be reckoned with! he was a juggernaut, as mighty as a dragon!" YOU! ARE! GAY! just geeking out over how cool dhurke was for NO REASON

STOP

Like i cannot express how much of a fucking geek he sounds like right here. "oh i'm defecting from the dragons cus dhurke is a traitorous snake. Anyway he's SO FUCKING COOL :)" he literally sounds awestruck. He would never surrender... sparkling eyes... EW

while breaking datz's psyche locks. gay

i dont even have anything to say. "that look in your eyes... it's just like dhurke's" Yeah i bet you pay attention to what dhurke's eye looks like you little freak. i bet dhurke said something rly cool in court one time and you fell in love with him then and there. Ewwwww Throws hammers. also i just like these lines it's very badass of him. datz said ok ill die for the dragons idgaf and phoenix said IGAF VERY MUCH PERSONALLY I LOVE NOT DYING

pff

later on, after all topics were cleared, datz exposition dumps some more. nothing actually that interesting but "dhurke was framed, i'm telling ya!" is sooo cute to me. it makes me wonder how many rebels do still think dhurke's guilty, but are critical of the ga'ranian regime for other reasons. probably a lot, right? thinking about datz defending dhurke's innocence to other dragons, but then dhurke's like... datz it's fine if they think i'm guilty, so long as they still agree with our cause. it isn't about me it's about the greater good of khura'in. and datz is like. OK BUT THEY'RE STILL WRONG THOUGH 😭😭

"it's like dhurke used to say" fanboy. there's no other words for it

"fangs of the defiant dragons" is an interesting thing. datz calls himself that thrice (once during the trial after he regains his memory and once later on in 6-5). i don't know what it means. LOL i even made my friend who knows japanese hunt down the original line to try and understand it, and we got nothing bc it's basically identical. it gives off the impression that He's Him, tm, he's The Guy, who does shit.. which isn't actually very dhurkedatz, but it's dhurkedatz to me. so much of dhurke IS the revolution, and the dragons. their entire relationship is through the revolution and the dragons. so it stands to reason that if datz is important to the dragons, then he's important to...?well you know

like the defiant dragon bites down and doesnt let go. it needs fangs to bite, of course.......oh the crucial datz...crying

that's basically it for 6-3, except the very end-

aw. theyre hanging out :)

cutting to 6-5 because 6-4 has nothing for us. i have dreams that 6-4 actually has datz in it somewhere and i just never checked, because there's something wrong with me

datz isn't here yet.. this is from inspecting charley, obvs. who's "we" though. you know who we is? it's datz. now. to me. it's dhurke and datz. they lost aj and then yuty ok let them have their cactus. This could also just be a lie ENDFKLNGDF But its too easy to imagine datz getting a cactus and being like "it's like aj! 'cause of it's spines!" and dhurke is Just enough of a sad lonely old man to keep it around. until it like dies i guess rip apollo

talking to dhurke under "request" gives us this. My Compatriot. god made them compatriots bc they would be unstoppable as canon lovers. my compatriot. i should smack u. THATS UR FANGS IDIOT -_- Anyway it's clear from how much datz yaps abt him, but it's nice to have confirmation that apollo remembers him too :) running around him... maybe its "running around with him"? i wouldnt know. but still...so cute..what if i cried rightnow

a whole bunch of nothing bc they're keen on hiding him from me. this is ages later while inspecting the suitcase in archie buff's house. dhurke...thats ur knucklehead...

apollo remembering enough about datz to make fun of him *wiping tear from eye*im so happy *sniffling*

talking to paul atishon, who does not matter. dhurke... hes your buffoon....

but don't worry. he's here. it's datz. everyone get excited. it's time for The Scene, of which i have actual screenshots

this is my "intellectual attraction" this is my "unnecessary feelings" my "her respect as a coworker wasn't all i wanted" orhowever that shit goes. Dhurke! You're a sight for sore eyes! it's so nothing compared to those other three, but i can't help it. I love it so much.....

i love datz being such a freak who can't calm down for 5 minutes. i love dhurke being so understated here. its so funny. he said girl calm down it's just me 😭 and datz's stupid big ass smile once he realizes it's oomf.. i knew you'd come save me!

it's worth noting that in jp, according to my friend who knows these sorts of things, "you're a sight for sore eyes" is just "My partner!" with partner being aibou, which is also used for phoenix/edgeworth, klavier/daryan, and asougi/ryuunosuke. It's too much...datz likes him so bad. get a ROOM!

theyre both so weird

if you present the founder's orb transfer agreement, you get this exchange. please...the banter. i wish we got 50000p more pages of this.

Anyway um it turns out i hit image limit ...smiles cheekily...i could replace the sight for sore eyes pics with one screenshot, but i wont, bc its that important To Me. well. ill continue this in a part 2 because there is still plenty more to be seen

#ace attorney #spirit of justice #dhurke sahdmadhi #datz are'bal #nahyuta sahdmadhi #apollo justice #dhurkedatz #this is an extension of the million of times ive posted soj screenshots to my twitter #my urge to analyze every line of datz dialogue for dhurkedatz propaganda...

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wife-of-all-dilfs · 10 months ago

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listen, this isn’t a request (unless you want it to be, i don’t know if your requests are open rn but i would literally die if my 1 am horny thoughts about finnick was turned into a fic) but ANYWAYS have some thots.

i feel like finnick in TMJ2 isn’t talked about enough— probably because.. well.. you know.. but THE LACK OF FICS THERE ARE OF HIM IN THAT TACTICAL GEAR IS SAD. Like you cannot tell me that a man who can make tactical gear look hot as fuck doesn’t get railed by reader. (maybe it’s just a personal preference idk but it needs to be talked about more)

BUT HIS THIGHS IN THEM THOUGH AND THE THIGH HOLSTER AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST MAKES ME WANNA SCREAM AND HIS FLOOFY HAIR >>>

but like seriously though like imagine he isn’t even aware of the effect he has and reader just wants to just fuck him so bad (or even ride his thigh) because they didn’t think finnick could look any more attractive but like there’s no where to go with the task force so it’s like a whole “gotta stay quiet” situation (🤭) like maybe it’s happening while everyone’s asleep

Like I know they’re in the middle of a war and all but war times won’t stop the whore times is all im saying

NO COZ I AGREE, MOCKINGJAY PART 2 FINNICK IS NOT TALKED ABT ENOUGH!!!! him in all black does things to me that I can't even speak aloud. I've been thinking the exact same thing though, no one writes him in the tactical gear enough and there's so much fic potential for it???

there's this one deleted scene where they are in the capitol inside someone's home after the black tar-thing scene and—oh my god. lemme show y'all, it's in my special finnick folder on tiktok, he looks fking scrumptious.

HELLO??? i know he's only in it for like five seconds but HE LOOKS SO GOOD???

i've lowkey thought about writing mjp2 finnick for sooo long but I always get stuck writing a different fic. I've got so many ideas though, it's crazy so I'm definitely adding this request to my 'must write' list AHHHHHHHHH

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a-roguish-gambit · 5 months ago

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Some very personal head cannons I have for dragons in general that I'm going to apply to Dragon Gambit

So being an animal nerd I know a lot of things about the animal world and have just had some general experiences growing up cuz I was a dragon kid instead of a unicorn kid or a wolf kid or something. So I have collected random head cannons over the years about dragons either relating to things in the natural world or just things I picked up while growing up and I'm going to smoosh them on to Gambit in this AU. Enjoy:

1. Dragons like shiny things because it helps warm up their bellies when light reflects off of them also metal conducts heat a lot better so again nice and warm. Because dragons are less sensitive to heat as in the burning sensation as I've mentioned before: please imagine Gambit using a hot slide on a summer day in his Dragon form to warm himself up. Rogue is very confused as to how he's not literally dying or being cooked alive but he assures her he's fine.

2. When I was growing up there was this like animatronic at this theme park that was fantasy themed called the pumpkin eating dragon and they would like have these shows with him that were sort of little kitty comedy act and then they would feed him pumpkins between jokes and the kids love watching him crush them so now it's just seared into my mind that yes dragons love pumpkins they can't get enough of them. So imagine the x men decorating for Halloween and Gambit is in charge of pumpkin carving. He does a great job of it even gets all the pumpkin seeds separated for baking into a delicious treat. But no one sees the pumpkin insides or the excess rinds go into the trash or anything....then Jubilee finds Gambit cooking it all in a mixing pot like a soup with brown sugar, a bit of butter, vanilla, maple syrup, hazelnut, and cinnamon. He tries to insist that "it's just really good guys try it" but none of them want to. Not even rogue is willing. He ends up eating the whole thing and none of them can look at him the same way again.

Storm and jean think it certainly smells good but Storm is apprehensive to try it. Growing up in Africa she has never had anything pumpkin before and she knows things like pumpkin pie aren't made from the same kind of pumpkins as Halloween ones. And jean refuses to eat them because she's grown up being told and believing pumpkin guts are gross. The only other person willing to try it is Bobby but he will never admit to the other x men he has eaten Halloween pumpkin.

3. Lots of reptiles don't have great hearing but can feel vibrations in the air and ground through their jaw bones, particularly snakes, because the bones that we have in our ears are actually still part of their jaws. So frustratingly for many people, including Gambit who does not understand it himself, he can "hear" where people are in the room and it's really hard to sneak up on him, but you may have to repeat yourself several times to get his attention.

Also he cannot stand pop rocks and a lot of other super fizzy things. He says that "it feels like something is screaming in my mouth" and nobody except storm and jean seem to get what he means.

4. Bearded dragons are a species of reptile and they go crazy for dandelions and bee pollen. I like thinking dragons like these things too so Gambit having to avoid munching on very tempting looking dandelion flowers in public and him secretly sprinkling bee pollen on his food. No one knows what it is when they catch him doing this. Rogue secretly finds the jar in his room later with the picture of the beardie on it and swears to never tell a soul, but is very relieved.

Things stay under wraps for a bit till Scott finds a baggie of the stuff in jean's things, and he freaks out thinking Gambit got Jean hooked on something and Gambit has to come clean with the bottle of Bee pollen.

#dragon gambit #storm #remy lebeau #romy #mod talks #gambit x rogue #x men 97 #x men comics #sweet-tea #rogue x men #anna marie darkholme #scott summers #jean grey

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zabiume · 6 days ago

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zabiume save me with your kurobas thoughts. Rewatching knb & at the point where Kagami enters the zone for the first time to beat Aomine and going crazy at how many times Kuroko comes up when he's thinking about not wanting to lose/see his friends cry anymore

Also the insanity of how similar Aomine & Kagami's meeting of Kuroko is... rotating these 3 in my mind constantly

oh my god. i LOVE that for you! aomine vs kagami is one of those matches that you think, "it was decent but people might have overhyped it a little" and then you rewatch it and it's like. nope. that's cinema. it really is the ichigo vs grimmjow of kurobas in that it employs the classic formulas of what makes battle shonen good...perfectly. like yes, to a certain extent, most other sports shonens do have the whole power-of-love/power-of-friendship thing going on, i'm sure, but what elevates kurobas is that it's allowed to get a little whimsical with it, it's allowed to take the term 'power-up' to a very literal level, sparks coming out of the eyes and all. in my controversial opinion, these goofy power-ups and ridiculous hair colors are what sets kurobas apart from its more serious, grounded counterparts. it never intended to be grounded! everything was always meant to feel 1000x more dramatic and exaggerated than it is, which perfectly embodies what it's like to be a teenager, and dare i say, what it's like to be a young sportsperson whose worst life experience would be losing a game. and given how many times we're told that the generation of miracles are a class apart, power-ups are the perfect way to show that. they're freakishly, unnaturally good. so when kagami enters the zone, it's almost like he's entering what the GOMs thought was unreachable. aomine, especially, has always wanted a rival who could meet him there and it's all!!! so!!!! exciting!!!!

anyway, let's talk about what MATTERS, which is aokuro, kagakuro and aokaga, the god-tier of kurobas ships. now, me personally, as you all know.....kagakuro is simply THAT ship for me, that's my #1 ride-or-die kurobas otp, but we simply cannot deny that aomine, kagami and kuroko all....complete each other. on a narrative level, you cannot have two without the other, which is, in my honest opinion, excellent writing. aomine and kuroko needed kagami to save them. kagami and kuroko needed someone to work against, they needed motivation to work together against something, which was aomine. aomine and kagami needed kuroko to keep them from falling into Sports Despair and bring them into the light again. kuroko literally BROUGHT kagami to aomine on a platter as if to say, "here. i have everything you ever wanted. i brought it to you, i know what you need better than anyone else" and like. tell me that's not a crazy dynamic. and aomine and kagami's first interaction is so loaded too? aomine basically said "you're not good enough for him, i know you're not good enough for him, because i used to be that guy for him, and you are nowhere near as good as i am"....like HELLO??? the fact that kagami immediately went to kuroko after and said: hey. was that guy your ex light? CRAZY.

also, i know there are so many obvious parallels between aomine and kagami that their first meeting with kuroko is meant to elicit deja vu (stream SOUR by olivia rodrigo btw), but i also think about the slight differences? and how fascinating they are? aomine basically wholly embraces kuroko from the very beginning, motivates him, admires him, adores him, even if he is relatively talentless compared to the other teikos. he has so much faith in kuroko, so much instant loyalty to kuroko, he never lets kuroko quit or doubt himself. he was willing to be thrown off the team with kuroko, which. you NEVER see aomine act like that, but kuroko enters the picture and aomine is like, "hey, i want that guy around. i'm keeping him."

meanwhile, kagami actually didn't like kuroko at first? he was derisive, they were constantly at odds with each other, he looked down on kuroko and didn't actually have faith in him at all....which is, like, the exact opposite of how it went down with aomine. it's so weirdly bittersweet and angsty how aomine's teiko journey is about slowly losing faith in kuroko, while kagami's seirin journey is all about gaining faith in kuroko. aomine went from 100 to 0, and kagami went from 0 to 100. that was the zone. that was kagami looking at kuroko's tears and being urged into action, while aomine had reached a point where kuroko's tears did nothing for him at all (see: their infamous riverside break-up scene). to top it all, kuroko is a metaphor for/embodiment of BASKETBALL itself, and kagami and aomine's relationship with it. aomine and kagami are similar, yes, but i think kagami is lucky that he never had to lose faith in basketball to know what it's like to have it again. kagami is lucky he never had to lose kuroko to know what it's like to want him again. aomine, unfortunately, had to lose him, but only because teiko would have never let them have what kuroko has with kagami in seirin. they were doomed from the start. i am standing by a cliffside and screaming.

#i love kurobas so much actually. this trio is like. 80% of why #getting this ask made me grin. i loveeee thinking about kurobas and talking about kurobas and ranting about kurobas. SEND ME MOREEEEEE #asks #kurobas tag #i also think kuroko NEEDED to take it slow the second time around because of how badly he'd been burned by the aokuro break-up #kagami's abrasiveness turned out to be an advantage because i dont think kuroko's heart could've handled an instant repeat of aomine #but you can bet kuroko had war flashbacks whenever kagami tossed a burger at him #also: kagakuro is true love and kagami went into the zone for kuroko <3 so true <3

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glazedsnail · 3 months ago

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Ok so, I'm really close to finishing my small fanfic thing and I'm actually happy about how it turned out.

I didn't think of a title for it so I'll go with:

And Misery Loved Company

Title might and will change because I have absolutely no self control and no sense of permanence

I'll post it in chapters and stuff.

This first doesn't really work as a chapter but I thought I'd have to cut it somewhere and be able to give youse a taste?

So here's a sample.

TWs are for the whole work, not this particular sample sorry horns friends.

Stardew Valley fanfic ShanexOCFarmer(Female) 18+ swear words/substance misuse/explicit/suicide ideation/mention of abuse

I’ve been in this town for a few months, and already so much has happened.

I didn’t know the first thing about farming, and now look at me. I wear overalls, a straw hat, I use a pitchfork, sometimes. I have dirt on my hands, my knees, my legs, my arms, my ass. Everywhere really.

I’m… Moderately successful in the matter of crops and sheep handlings. And I just know my quality wool will one day fetch a very high price on the shelf of some high end stores. If only I could handle those blasted sheep correctly.

I wanted to give up, like I’d given up so many things before. So many times. But when I managed to spool my own skein of wool, from my very own sheep, I knew I had to keep at it. I cannot wait to start knitting with my very own wool.

Trust me, this was an even better feeling than when I ate my first omelette made from the eggs of my own chickens. And I do love my chickens!

Of course, I met a lot of new people. Marnie, for one, is my farm neighbour. She helped me shear my first sheep, and eased me into farm animals ownership. I had never owned anything bigger than a guinea pig. And that guinea pig wasn’t too fond of me anyway. She entrusted me with the care of two sheep and three chickens.

The man who came to deliver my chicks is her nephew. I had met him a handful of times. At the supermarket where he works, at Marnie’s ranch, as he apparently rents a room from her, but mostly at the saloon. We never talked much compared to the others. He wouldn’t let me, and I would let him. At the time.

He wanted to make sure I had a suitable home for the chicks. He didn’t seem too pleased to do the work, to be there, at all. I remember barely getting a “mornin’” when he came in, and he would certainly not stick around for coffee or a chit chat.

I mean, he was completely being his usual self. I wasn’t surprised. The only surprise was that I actually did put the kettle on just in case.

However, once he opened the crate, the man constantly frowning at the bottom of a glass, and who had quite literally told me to “fuck off” was somehow… beaming? He handled the chicks with such tenderness, it almost made me feel bad to buy them off. Suddenly, he was sharing his knowledge of chicken care, making sure I was ready, and showing some incredible kindness towards the three little chicks I had gotten from Marnie.

Everytime he was giving me the brush off, I would remember his kind eyes from that day, and it would give me enough drive to persevere. Maybe too much, definitely too much for his taste. I was persistent, perhaps annoying, absolutely intrusive. When I saw those caring eyes almost close forever, I witnessed the dormant strength hiding within, and I knew.

Today, I’m meeting him at the beach.

I made a pizza from my own flour, with sauce from my own tomatoes. Cheese and pepperoni are from Pierre’s, the grocer, but come on. The base is homemade therefore this is a homemade pizza. And who cares where I got the olive oil, salt, and yeast from…

I have been looking forward to this, hum, evening, I guess. I was going to say “date”. Surprisingly, we did kiss.

Moving to Grandpa’s old farm was in no way a scheme to get me on the dating scene again, not after everything in the city, not after 30. And certainly not with a man as rude as him. Crazy how things can change drastically with time.

The kiss was more a heat of the moment type of thing. I liked it. Though.

He wouldn’t have suggested this picnic at the beach if he wasn’t thinking the same.

I pack my homemade pizza, homegrown dried and fresh hot peppers, a pack of six, and some muffins I made with my own eggs, own flours, and my own seeds. It amazes me how good I am at this farm living thing. I hope Grandpa is watching. Mostly.

The air is still warm, but the leaves have started to fall. I smell the distinct perfume of rain in the distance. Here, so far, the slowly darkening afternoon sky is still clear.

I’m nervous. I feel something I could describe as…this high schooler heading to meet with their crush and spend some time alone for the first time. I gulp. This definitely rings somewhat familiar. I mean, I didn’t put on any of my best underwear though. I’m too old for this.

Damn. Listen to me.

I shake my head to get rid of those idiotic thoughts as I walk past the village waterhole. I wave at the villagers who have now become my friends. Emily points at my basket and I remind her of my dinner plan. She smiles with all her pearly whites while commanding me to wait. She shortly comes back out of the saloon with a mist up tupperware filled with warm pepper poppers, and a bottle of strawberry juice. My favourite.

‘Emily, you shouldn’t have!’

‘Oh Fern, please. It was also Gus’ idea. You must know all we want is the best for you.’ She grins.

‘Pardon?’

She laughs and disappears behind the wooden door. Well. She’s always been a bit of a nutcase. Affectionately though.

When I stand on the sand, I hear Shane over the rolling waves, calling me, and my nervousness instantly disappears. He’s still wearing his work hat, probably came here straight after work. He spreaded a blanket and had started dishing out a bunch of snacks from his bag.

‘Well, we won’t starve!’ I laugh, emptying my basket. As I sit down I see Shane glance at the glass bottle Emily gave me.

‘Is that strawberry juice?’

‘Yeah. Emily gave it to me on my way here. Look, she also gave me these! Compliment of Gus. They’re your favourite aren’t they?’

I smile so hard the corners of my mouth might crack. I’m just comfortable.

‘Y..Yeah’

He obviously is not.

‘Are you ok? What’s that you just rammed in your bag?’

‘Nothing. Is that homemade pizza?’

I’m way too proud to continue probing. I happily remove the cloth from the plate:

‘Pepperoni! Just like you like it.’

He smiles and chuckles, visibly embarrassed.

‘What’s the matter?’ I ask. He quickly glances at his bag. ‘Do you know you still have your work hat on?’

He looks up, grumbles, and removes his hat he tries to put in his bag. Bag now at my arm's length.

‘What are you hiding!’ I say, snatching the surprisingly heavy backpack from him.

‘Fern!’

I pull out two plastic bottles.

‘Joja strawberry juice?’

He quickly grabs his bag back in a groan.

‘But, why were you hiding it?’

‘I know it’s your favourite.’ He sighs. ‘Just wanted to, like, surprise you and be nice is all.’ He frowns, and blushes lightly. ‘I didn’t know this was such common knowledge, and now you’ve been given the nice stuff in a glass bottle and all you probably won’t want my Joja crap.’

I catch myself giggling.

‘What’s so funny?’ He snaps.

‘Shane, that’s incredibly sweet. Thank you.’ I cradle the bottles in my arms like the most cherished present. ‘You know I used to drink these all the time when I was a teen, I’ve not had any in ages. Truth be told I thought they were discontinued.’

He seems to relax a bit.

‘It’s full of crap’ he smiles ‘Maybe it’s gone in the city and they just get rid of it in small towns’.

‘No, they still sell Joja beer everywhere, trust me.’

We laugh, I’m glad he seems a bit more in the moment.

‘You know’ I start ‘Emily’s barmaid, it makes sense she’d know my favourite drink, right?’ He nods in acknowledgement ‘But, knowing your favourite dish? I should be the jealous one.’

His eyes open wide.

‘I…err… It’s not jealousy it’s’

‘I’m just teasing’ I say, gently elbowing him

‘I’m such an idiot.’ He says back, hand on the back of his neck, with a slight smile nonetheless.

‘You’re not an idiot. You’re cute.’

I hand him a slice of pizza I was busy cutting. His cheeks turn bright red and he tries to disappear in his hoodie. I clearly didn’t realise what I said. He eventually clears his throat and grabs the slice with a small ‘thank you’.

#writing #fanfic writing #stardew valley #stardew valley shane #fanfic #sdv #sdv shane #sample

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bosskie · 4 months ago

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Molluck Model - Sculpting Phase

Yeah, I feel like I'm ready to show you this Molluck sculpt now since it's like 99.9 % done but I might still adjust some minor details; I'm just unsure about some stuff...

But yes, first, here's some comparison pictures with the older sculpt I also finished this year:

Yeah, a significant improvement, mainly thanks to learning a better sculpting technique... But that older sculpt helped me a lot here since it helped me with getting the body's basic shape right. Oh, and yes, I used heavily all the possible OWI's reference material for this... (I gotta say that I actually bought that Soulstorm Collector's Oddition edition just to get the artbook easily (but also for that Molluck print...) and I wished that it has proper reference photos for Molluck and it did! That book has helped me a lot with drawing Molluck... We literally cannot even see his fullbody in the game but all the other Gluks'... So, I really love that I can see his fullbody in the book, though yes, I can confess that I wish that it had 'the another version' too but that's why I did these sculpts! If OWI won't show the new Molluck as naked, I'll do it! Oh, yes, there do are two pictures of that naked model too but just to his shoulders. It's enough though since that model do is based on the New 'n' Tasty one and his body probably ain't altered.)

There ain't really clear (enough) references for Glukkon anatomy, at least in my opinion, so it's a lil challenge to get Molluck's anatomy right. So, I also added some own details and mixed stuff, like those hands I keep mentioning... I'm just weak for those hands, okay... He has the most beautiful hands I know. Though, the whole Gluk is the most beautiful thing I know... I could just like compliment every part of his body but I'm not gonna do it but 'tell Molluck'...

But, here's some more shots:

I coloured this sculpt just for showing it since I will probably colour him in another way later on. Frankly, I have no idea how the model is gonna turn out since I'm gonna do completely new stuff next... But I'm at least glad to have a better new Molluck model to play with! Oh, and yes, I did new eyes for him but I still need to figure out better way to create them... That glow just creates a lil challenge and therefore it can look exaggerated here too... And he has that expression just for fun!

Oh, and yes, I did promise to show some comparison stuff with human body too, so here you go:

My man and me. (Y) I'm actually surprised that Molluck ain't as tall as I imagined him to be compared to me... Oh, and I'm not even tall, just about Abe's height. (Edit: I realized that I did the scaling incorrectly first, but it's fixed now.) Maybe those height charts ain't totally accurate but this is as accurate as it can be. Molluck is 7 ft / 213.36 cm tall but as you can see, the size of his body parts is quite varied... He has huge head and hands and his arms are very tall (or long, but it's his arms that make him so tall!)... But his torso is close to human's in size but his legs are small... Frankly, it took me some time to be able to enjoy his 'sizes' since I don't really enjoy being the smaller one but his 'sizes' compensate that too. Now, I have no problem with this and I really love him being big and small at the same time! Like, man, this Gluk just makes me go crazy... The hottest thing ever... Yeah, I'm quite happy to be with Molluck and it just gets better and better!

Yeah, uh, what a sexy beast Molluck is... It feels so odd to show stuff like this but I wanna be brave and do it anyway. I know that I could have taken the colours away from the human model but I let them be since it felt too 'soulless' without colours. I bet that someone might wonder what model it is, so I can say that it's just one model I have from doing adult animations for a mod (never published or even finished)... And yeah, those colours suck due to topology stuff and the way I coloured it but it's enough for now for me. Gotta model myself one day too... I'm glad that I can at least live with Molluck in a virtual world!

Oh, and I wanna just say again that I found Molluck attractive only after I started loving him. I can see his certain ugliness but it only makes him so beautiful for me... And even I know what he has done in his life, I still love him so much. He just seems like my Gluk and the reason why I started to love him was that I saw myself in him, I could identify with him. I just don't care about his crimes and he lives in a brutal world, he barely could do anything else than follow what the Magog Cartel wants. I also mean that I don't get anything special from his crimes, unlike one person I saw on Twitter back then... (The person listed all their paraphilias related to their Molluck lust on their bio...) The main thing is just that he feel so 'me' and right for me. I have never felt the same with any other character, there has always been something that has't felt right. Molluck just feels friendly, despite of the image he has in public... I can understand him, like his anger issues, and I only just wish all the best for him... I just truly love this Gluk and that's why it feels like I just keep loving him more and more.

And kinda related to this, I must admit that sometimes, I wonder how people can have multiple fictional others or 'blorbos' or whatever you call those characters like that (I know the differences here but it's not the point.). I had recently a moment when I had two characters I was into (if you know, you know) but my relationship with Molluck only got stronger and I started to feel bad for him... (I also realized that I was 'looking for' Molluck in that other character since he was similar, so it was about Molluck after all too.) So, I can be 'like IRL' with this, meaning that like he was actually my spouse/partner (in a closed relationship). So, I just am with Molluck in my way since I just cannot have multiple fo's... My relationship with Molluck is just this strong and he feels 'alive' to me but I still know that he ain't real. So yeah, it feels like 'cheating' if I was with another character too.

Oh, and yes, I also gotta say that even his 'unsual' body proportions can be challenging, it doesn't prevent us from hugging, kissing or anything related to giving and sharing love! I just really enjoy his body, as it is. I mean, it would feel like he lost something if I drew him having 'a normal humanoid body' or how you should call that... It's just such a big part of him for me but also gives him certain adorability. I just cannot help it... I want this Gluk so badly but it also makes me learn things and get better at stuff! Like, yes, I'm doing that Molluck model mainly for my own Molluck fantasies but I also wanna use it to other stuff too.

But yeah, I know that you should start from simple stuff but I have always done what I have wanted in art, so... I'm unsure about the next steps since I have never done them but luckily there are plenty of tutorials out there and I also got some e-books for Blender stuff (that's where I learned doing eyes and that colouring for example). Yes, this is my first 3D character model thing I'm doing. I just wanna have a Molluck model this badly...

I could talk so much about Molluck... I just love this Gluk with my whole heart... 🫀 Yeah, I think that I should stop writing for now and get back to thinking Molluck (in bed since I should go to sleep now)! 💞✨

#molluck #oddworld molluck #molluck the glukkon #oddworld #art like a bosskie

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buckyarchives · 2 years ago

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we’re not really strangers | Sebastian Stan [2.]

summery: a broken and washed up writer keeps showing up in Sebastian life as he struggles with his own loneliness. two people in two different world, but the tug is so intense it begins to eat Sebastian raw. he has to learn to love full heartedly and you need to learn to trust again after you got cheated out of your entire life.

word count: 7.5k

warning: therapy sessions, hints of depression and drug abuse, mentions of suicide. past abusive relationships.

authors note: this is so long i’m sorry. and yes, readers backstory is literally just from big eyes shut up

read on AO3 | masterlist

“So.” the tap of a clicking pen filled the air. “Have you been writing recently?”

“I'm not a writer.”

Grace – your therapist – sighs, absolutely done with your shit. She was right to be. “You've written some of the film industry's greatest movies. Just because the world doesn't know that doesn't mean it's not true.”

You more or less glared at her, not a peep leaving you. It was going to drive Grace crazy, you didn't care. Maybe you did. A frown danced on your face, the one you wore usually. Just more annoyed.

“You don't have to be in denial forever.”

You loathed it when she said that. She noticed that you began to fidget with your hands before you realized yourself. She wrote it down, the sound of the pen dancing over her pad taunted you. You've never been an angry person, but it made you want to scream at her. Be the madwoman people expected of you.

“Yes, I have been writing.”

Grace's face lightened. “Good, anything you want to share.”

Your therapist made you talk about your script and stories in the beginning, a way to open up, she said. It was usually the only thing you'd be comfortable enough to speak about. She’d look way into the stories though, so you stopped. Especially after a suicidal main character got you put on 24-hour watch.

“Just practice.” you sighed, avoiding eye contact. “That one script I wrote a year ago is being filmed right now.”

“Which one?”

Here we go.

“The one about the cannibal luring in women through dating.”

Grace hums, nodding her head. Remembering the story you spoke about to her a while ago, she had read the first draft. “Is being deceived and tricked something you can relate to? Is cannibalism a metaphor for being eaten away by your feelings when you lived in LA?”

Told you.

You want to groan, scream and cry at her. Throwing your head back in annoyance and carding a hand through your hair with a heavy sigh.

“It's not that deep, Grace.” you say, “it's just about the horrors of modern dating as a woman.”

Sometimes you wanted to cry when she made these arbitrary assumptions just to tear you down into being a deeper person than you actually wore. It made you feel like a character of your trauma. Which your writing was the whole point, to make that not true.

Because you are not a character in your story. You never were.

“But do you feel that way? the way Miles treated you–”

“can we not—“ you let out a shaky breath, “I thought we agreed on Voldemort.”

That stupid fucking name. You hated when she called him by his name, it felt borderline criminal and it left a metallic taste in your mouth. Flinching at every stranger you met with a similar name.

Grace sighed for probably the millionth time. You didn't care that she sounded disappointed. “You cannot keep ignoring your past and live in denial and delusions. You have to learn to step out of that comfort zone and face it head-on.”

Denial, denial, denial. That word sure came up a lot.

“You are a writer.” she looked you dead in the eye. “Yet you claim not to be, despite that fact you continue to write scripts and let movies be made and go uncredited even after escaping miles. Living paycheck to paycheck from that small cafe.”

You feel small.

“You haven't even touched any of the money miles–”

“Okay, I get it, I get it.”

You wished she would stop talking sometimes. And sometimes you wished you didn't have to go to these stupid therapy sessions every week just so you could leave the state. Not be locked in a hospital and dancing around like a crazy person.

“I need to stop living in denial, I need to get out of my comfort zone. I get it, but stop lashing out at me.” you repeat her words. And you know she's not lashing out, she's doing her job and you shouldn't hate her for it. But you do.

Grace looks down at her notepad again and you swear to any gods above if she starts writing down some stupid observation you were going to–

Thump.

Your eyes watch as the throws the pad to the side and lean in closer to you, studying you. Okay, this is even worse.

“Where is this movie being filmed?”

Your eyebrow quirked up. “Canada, Toronto.”

“You.” she points her perfectly painted finger toward you. “Are going to take a vacation, go to set, hang out, help out. Maybe – and I highly recommend it – give some advice. And I know your director friends would be more than welcome to that idea.”

“I can’t take off work.” you sigh, frustrated. “And I don't have the money to get a ticket and stay that long.”

“Yes, you do.” she quips back.

Sometimes you also forget she has access to see your funds and other things. Another thing you could technically blame Voldemort from. If you're speaking about the domino effect, at least.

Hesitantly, and maybe just so you could leave, “i'll think about it. Okay?”

And you did, maybe you forced yourself to think about it in the begining. But somewhere along swallowing yourself on your couch, mindlessly serving coffee and sandwiches. Staring blankly at your books and scripts. You kept thinking about it, until you couldn’t stop. Then it bothered you.

Sometimes you go onto Hulu, prime, or wherever your movies ended up. It doesn’t matter, you don't have control over them, never have. And you'd look at the credits page for hours, quite literally losing yourself in time. You wondered if you'd ever be strong enough to try and change it, by the time you snap out of it, you come to the conclusion that you aren't. And even if you were, would you win? Highly doubtful.

Swallowing down your medication as you feel the upcoming panic. You don't have time to deal with this. You glance down at the orange bottle again. No– stop that. Idiot.

Glancing back to the semi-empty calendar nailed to the wall. Your fingers dance along the dates and you sigh. Tuesday is therapy, you close the shop on those days. Since you usually come back home in a daze and are completely unable to function normally. You hated that your trauma and illnesses had that much power over you. Made you feel weak.

It was February 14th. Your fingertip fell on the 3rd and found itself on the next page. Around the third week of March. That's how long they'd be filming. You didn't ask Mimi. She invited you down, you hate when your therapist is right. She said they'd have a party. They always have parties while filming.

You tried to convince yourself of an excuse to stay. The regulars would be mad when they find out the shops are closed for over a week. You'd miss your apartment, which was a ffat-out lie. You've been trying to convince yourself you'd like this place since you moved in. no way that is changing now. You have to do therapy on zoom, then Grace said you wouldn't need to speak to her on vacation. That made you want to go.

“Fuck!” you yelled, not sure why. But you did and slammed a hand on the counter out of pure frustration and defeat. You'd never have control over your thoughts anyways.

You went into your room to pack, cursing yourself the entire time. You were only destroying yourself by going. Scared someone would recognize you. Another lie, Mimi doesn't work with anyone he worked with. Fact.

Cursed yourself when you bought a ticket, made a sign that said closed until further notice, and texted Mimi your arrival time. Your hands shook when you went through TSA and tried to put your suitcase in storage. A nice husband of three helped you and you gave him a nervous smile. You took a Xanax and mellowed out until you landed.

You began to hate yourself when you checked into the hotel Mimi said to go to. Hated yourself as you got dressed and called a cab. Started to loathe yourself and contemplate going home on the ride back and your legs shook when you walked onto set.

And then something really weird happened. You saw Sebastian and you suddenly didn't and that made you hate yourself even more but in an entirely different way. Mimi was excited you came and Lauryn was shocked. You predicted their reactions and got them correct.

You met Daisy and didn't tell her who you were, she made a good noa. You didn't tell her that either, even though you felt like you should have. Sebastian looked excited, confused, and shocked you were here. All of those and also a little happy. You hoped he didn't know.

You were glad they didn’t get Chris Pine.

You lurked the entire day, not wanting to intrude on the creative proess. You knew how frustrating that could be. Mimi was a great director and you were happily watching her.

Sebastian. Oh, Sebastian. You spent an alarming amount of time staring at him instead of reading the book you bought. You thought about how he made you feel when you fell asleep on him, how you felt at ease sleeping in your apartment for the first time (and how you had a panic attack about it in the bathroom before he woke up), how you smiled more than you wished when he convinced you to dance to Lana and Faye Webster. And then you thought about avoiding him the same way you did when he came in the shop that second time.

Because he was a normal man that liked old films, the color pink and space. But to almost everyone else – he was Sebastian Stan.

And that's why you have to stay at arm's length.

But then he startled you with two cups of coffee in his hands, giving you one, and tucked in his armpit was the script. He sat next to you and asked about delivery and attitude, asked for advice and your thought process when you wrote this.

You mentioned it, but Lauryn must have said something.

“He’s lighthearted about it, he is sinister but if you take meaning away he's just goofy.” you explain, and he looked at you so intently and listened to you well, you thought about kissing him, but you knew it was just because he was giving you attention. “These are some scenes you don't want to take him so seriously.”

A part of you wanted to yell at him. Tell him you're not a writer, you didn't write this, why are you asking me? Go ask Lauryn. But that's just what you were used to. You've already crossed a weird unspoken line that both of you acted like it was nothing, because it was. You told yourself.

But you let it be and continued to answer his questions.

You didn’t know Sebastian kept lingering just to make you smile, and that he stayed even after he accomplished his goal.

After fleeing to your hotel room, you took a cold shower and cried. You weren't sure why.

You watched Once Upon a Time, “Hat Tricks.” you smiled watching that episode. You weren’t sure why, you didn't like it.

You started to wonder what fuck was wrong with you when you turned on the Covent and went to bed with your hand in your pants.

ding!

please don’t be Mimi asking to come back to set. please don’t be Mimi asking to come back to set. please don’t be Mimi asking to come back to set.

from Mimi Cave: the cast and crew are having drinks at 8, it’d be great if you came by.

For the past couple of days, you made brief appearances on set, and spent most of the time lingering around Toronto like a ghost. you went to see Tom and Jerry in theaters which was so far the highlight of the week. maybe besides talking to Sebastian but you weren’t ready to admit that to yourself yet.

you needed to socialize with people besides cafe workers. Speaking with people in the film industry was scary. Maybe this was for the better. You can imagine Grace speaking in your ear.

chewing on your cheek, you blink at the message and then another one pops up.

from Lauryn: i know mimi just texted you, but you don’t have to go if you're not comfortable.

from Lauryn: try to come later though. less people then, or tomorrow morning we can get brunch.

you sighed heavily. two sides of the same coin. One danced around you while the other was overbearing. It was a good balance but now it was just annoying. It was probably because Mimi came post-miles and Lauryn was there even before him. they both cared though.

to mimi: i’ll try to stop by! send me the address. thanks for the invite.

to lauryn: it’s fine, i need to get out. i’ll be there

setting your phone down before glancing at the time. It was 7 pm now. you had no rush to get there at 8, you didn’t want to get there then. If anything, you’d do what Lauryn suggested.

you stared at yourself in the mirror for a good 10 minutes before deciding to get ready. pulling yourself together and putting on a dress of sorts. it was red - staying on theme with the movies. you paced the hotel for a little, opened Instagram. your therapist told you to stop doing that. your fingers danced across the search bar in a trance, not even realizing he was on your mind.

[imsebastianstan]

clicking the follow button. maybe this was a bad idea—

imsebastianstan requested to follow you.

that was… quick. he should definitely be wrapping up filming and not on his phone, or social media.

Nonetheless, you clicked accept.

you had no post, no highlights. just a name and profile photo. it was from a party a long time ago, some

people are cropped out. but you already got a new message.

imsebastianstan: are you coming tonight?

fuck. now you can't back out. you typed quickly, told him you were. he offered to pick you up, what a gentleman. you declined. told him you already called an uber and Sebastian said to be safe. it made your chest weirdly warm.

the ride to the house was a more mellow version of the journey to Toronto and set for the first time. same feelings just less physical panicking. which was — better.

it was 9 when you got there. too early for your taste but you were already standing in front of the huge house, tall glass windows with warm lights and groups of people. too many people. and Mimi must have already seen you because she ran outside with Daisy close behind, cheeks already warm from the crisp cold.

“what are you waiting for? it’s cold, get inside!” she waved you over and you forced out a thin-lipped smile and entered the door, shrugging your coat off and putting it aside.

and you went through the motions of the party for the most part. Mimi introduced you, Lauryn looked surprised that you came so early. you gave her a reassuring nod and she went back to speaking with whoever. wondering if she went around telling them about your part in the script like you did Sebastian. you looked for Sebastian, he was flirting with some girl — you looked away pretty quickly and found a love chair to nurse a drink and people-watch.

and then time blurred, voices muffled and rang. the clicking of glasses and laughter played in the background like a television. you wondered why you even came.

“y/n?”

everything came back and Sebastian was standing in front of you. a somewhat worried face, you chose not to think about that too much.

“hey,” you replied plainly.

“Hey back.” Sebastian smiled and you caught your eyes lingering on his lips. He sat down next to you, thighs touching. like they did when he spent the night, should you mention that?

“Are you okay?” he asks and it genuinely takes you offguard. You begin to stare at him blankly, almost confused. You don't remember the last someone asked you that, and then you realize you don't even know the answer. It shocks you for a moment.

And there's something so raw about Sebastian that makes it so hard to cover it all up. Be fake. Lie. be happy, pretend. It scares you and you want him far away, but the feeling and warmth of his thigh lining against your envelopes you and makes you feel whole and secure.

“I’m here.” which isn't a lie, but it’s all you can think to say. “which is good enough.”

Sebastian glanced back to the small crowd. He smiles, but it feels forced. You know the look too well. “that you are.” is all he says for a moment, you just nod and tap a nail on your glass. “But, do you want to be?”

No, yes, I'm not sure, I should be, do you?

“I think so.” you settle on.

“You don't sound so sure.”

“Because I'm not.” you sigh.

Sebastian takes one more glance around, checking each and every person and to his surprise and delight – no one is looking at him. He smiles, it's genuine now and you can't begin to understand what he's thinking. It angers you.

A hand grasps around your drink, sets it down and finds its way back to your wrist. “Let's go somewhere else,” Sebastian says with a tease in your voice and he's already getting up, you follow him with no hesitation.

“Where?” you ask abruptly, but Sebastian is already pulling you into the front room. Slipping his shoes on.

“Which ones yours?” Sebastian completely ignores your question. Sights set on getting the hell out and looking through the coats. “This looks like something you'd wear.”

“What? No! I would never wear that.” you sound offended, defensive. and smacking his hand away from the ugly purple coat and go to find yours.

Sebastian just laughs and it catches you off guard because he sounds so perfect. and he’s looking at you, and you're still and scared. you grab the black trench coat and let him drag you out and away from the party.

because between unspoken glances of growing trust and laughter as he fumbles with the keys to the rental car. you think to follow him anywhere. and maybe it was simply to get away from that party and the intense stares toward the random, weird girl in the corner who looks one inconvenience away from shooting herself. or maybe it simply was just — him.

you decided not to think about it too much.

“Do you like musicals?” Sebastian asks unprompted. He looks giddy and has a haze in his eyes. you wondered briefly if he should be driving.

“I like some.”

The question of where he’s taking you is still heavy in your head but the question doesn't seem to leave your lips.

Sebastian tucks lips beneath his teeth to hold back a wild, mischievous grin threatening to grow. He turns up the radio aux and the all-too-familiar sound of Andrew Garfield breaks out. you laugh loudly and Sebastian should probably be watching the road right now, but he’s not.

“I like this movie,” you say, referring to tick-tick boom. before you can begin your unasked criticism of the movie. Sebastian breaks out in an aggressive song and it startles you.

“don’t panic! don’t jump ship! I can't fight it!” Sebastian is screaming at the top of his lungs, literally. He turns to you in the passenger and points at you with his nose scrunched. He looks quite cute. “ —like taxes!”

“oh my god.” you gawk. Sebastian doesn't stop his one-man performance and all you can do it stare in amusement and chuckle quietly to yourself.

he doesn’t stop— no, no, now he’s encouraging you. but you're shaking your head violently but the growing smile says something different and Sebastian knows it. “come on! please!”

you shake your head no again

Sebastian is making an exaggerated frown face and he looks ridiculous.

“If I sing, will you tell me where we are going!”

The car slows and he’s driving on a straight road with almost no other cars in sight. Sebastian leans into your space, you don’t lean away. looked you dead in the eye and nothing matters.

“If you sing, I will make the next three to four hours the best you’ve ever had,” Sebastian says sincerely and calmly. He's too serious to be joking now. you bite back a smile and his eyes go back to the round.

your hand goes to turn up the volume and… here goes nothing.

“Friends are getting fatter! the hair on your head is getting thinner! feel like a cleanup batter, on a team that ain’t a winner.” you sing-shout and Sebastian looks more than pleased.

“don’t freak out! don’t strike out! can't fight it, like city hall!” he sings the next verse.

and then you do, and then he does. and then Sebastian put on grease, you suggest heathers and you duo seventeen. Sebastian is still driving with a grin on his face and you feel lighter.

your face hurts when the car finally stops, you want to think it’s from singing. but Sebastian knows it’s because you were smiling the entire ride.

“are you going to tell me why we’re at a grocery store?” you ask, blinking at the 24-hour large convenience store.

“I didn’t want to say anything to Mimi, but her car-cuter boards were not doing it for me.'' Sebastian gets out of the door and slams it shut, it makes you flinch slightly. you hoped he doesn't notice, especially as you linger in the passenger seat. He does, he looks back through the windshield and his giddy smile fades.

Sebastian mouths ‘are you coming?’ and you wonder if you should pretend you couldn’t read lips but it would make no difference. exhale, you open up the door and find your place next to him as you walk through the sliding doors.

the bright fluorescent lights hurt your eyes when you walk in, especially the one above the bathroom that is flickering.

“what’s the weirdest food combo you enjoy?” Sebastian asks. his eyes glance around the store eagerly. you know the look, he looks satisfied when he realizes it’s almost empty, aside from the old lady in the fruits second. the teenage worker. and some woman with 5 pregnancy tests in her hands and one pack of mints.

truly the almost midnight shopping experience.

“weirdest? that I enjoy…” you hum, “cottage cheese and Fritos.”

“that so weak!” he teases and it almost tugs out a smile, matching the one on his that reached his eyes and made the blue look brighter. you turn away trying not to stare or drown in them.

“okay, uhhh… sanyang noodle sauce and watermelon.”

Sebastian hums for a moment, thinking. “that might sound good.” he nods, “what about strawberries and mayo?”

your eyebrows furrow, “that sounds like a pregnancy craving? Are you pregnant, Sebastian?”

he laughs and reaches his eyes once again and a weird sense of pride swells in your chest. Sebastian stops in front of the produce and grabs a small thing of strawberries.

“no, but I’m going to make you try it.” he says.

you let out a breathy laugh, a poor excuse for one anyways. Sebastian's eyes linger on your face, waiting for you to smile. you don’t.

“Is this what we are doing? getting weird food combos?”

“if you want to, get whatever — I’ll pay.”

“That's good enough for me.” and say and grab the cubed watermelon in front of you.

and then you separate for a brief period. Each strolling the aisle of the small store, the bright lights still bothered you. for a moment, you could hear Sebastian humming while he stood on the other side of the shelves. you got caught up in it and ended up staring at a bag of hot onion rings.

so much you didn’t realize Sebastian was now next to you.

“you gonna get those? or just stare at them?” he asked, surprising you. you blinked rapidly as you fell back to reality.

as awkward as ever, you faked a laugh and grabbed them. “I’m getting them,” you were glad you actually like these. “just thinking.”

Sebastian hummed. He knew the look of spacing off until you dissociated well. He chose not to tease you for it.

turning towards the man, Sebastian held an entire chocolate cheesecake and cotton candy grapes. In truth, Sebastian didn’t like cotton candy grapes. mostly grabbing them for shits and giggles, but the smile that grew on your face made him even happier for grabbing them.

you quickly bit back the smile, “those are my favorites.”

Sebastian could have guessed.

“So you're saying if a dashingly handsome man offered you cotton candy grapes, you’d end up like noa?” Sebastian teased.

“maybe, not sure if i’d ever date a doctor though.”

“interesting.”

you walked side by side, your steps were the only noise between you two as you headed for the register. self checkout. you offered to pay, because you’re nice. Sebastian refused and said it was payback for the free coffee.

maybe you shouldn’t be looking at him like you are now. eye focused as he casually wore a small smile, the snacks beeped as he scanned them.

It was so stupid, he was doing something so normal and casual. you barely knew him and you were looking at him with love-sick eyes. Because to you, he looked so good, doing something so normal and maybe you should sit down and really think about your next actions. but you don’t, and you continue to stare and Sebastian notices.

“let’s go-“ he looks up to you, stopping his words when he realizes you were already looking. you feel in a trance when he stares back, with the same feeling in his blue orbs. but you barely know him.

you both snap out of it and start to walk back to the car.

The cold Canadian air hits you, sending a breeze through your hair. Sebastian sees you through the corner of his eye, it makes him smile for some reason. He feels young, like a teenager gazing at a crush in the hallway.

“I wonder what would have happened if we met 10-20 years ago.” Sebastian laughs, such a random question to you.

you hum, “I don’t know.”

Sebastian stares at you from across the car, his fingers graze over the handle and you’re cold. but the door is locked. as serious as ever, like his words wouldn’t knock you to your feet, Sebastian says; “I’d probably ask you on a date, I was really cocky back then because of gossip girl.” he laughs.

you gulp, anxiously waiting for him to unlock the door so you could get in and escape his eye contact.

“And I would decline, because I’d be married to someone else.”

Sebastian’s face falls, only for a moment before he forces out a pursed smile. It doesn't look real and maybe Sebastian isn’t that good of an actor in real life. “and you’d be married. I didn’t know you were married.”

“I know. not anymore.” you say. not like you try to hide it from literally everyone you meet now. Sebastian doesn't know though: and it’s refreshing. but now he’s going to ask about it and you prepare for that speech.

Sebastian unlocks the door.

The ride is a lot more silent now, you enjoy it while it lasts and watch the orange dew when Sebastian drives through the tunnel. you forget to ask where you were going until Sebastian stopped in front of an empty park.

“a park? at night?”

“Absolutely.” he says and he looks so sure of himself, grabbing the bags of food and you can’t help but follow him. you don’t even think about it.

it’s unspoken, and a trust that you don’t recognize in yourself. but you silently follow Sebastian's actions, almost till their own and you two move with the same mind and ideas.

and Sebastian brought a blanket because he just so happened to have one in the car. it’s cold but neither of you care. Sebastian laying on his back with his chest rising slowly, your sit crisscrossed and started going through the bag of snacks as Sebastian switched from gazing at the stars and your stone-like features. you’re so beautiful and Sebastian is so smitten.

“okay,” he sits up abruptly, “mayo and strawberries time, come on.”

He had a Cheshire grin on his face as he shook the mayo bottle. you shake your head, “mhm, no. I hate mayo.”

“I’m serious, you have to try it.” he’s smilesto himself as he squeezes the mayo onto the strawberry and you visually recoil.

“no, absolutely not.” you continue to shake your head.

but Sebastian Stan is Sebastian Stan and he flashes that smile and the moons reflect off his eyes and he’s smiling at you. at you.

“one bite and you can ask me any questions you’d like.” he offers, “anything. no boundaries.”

interesting.

“and you have to try the watermelon.”

he smiles because he knows he’s won. “I'll eat the watermelon if I can ask you one big question.”

you know what the question is, but Sebastian is gazing into your eyes like nothing's wrong. no one has hurt you and you feel warm and young. his blue iris takes you over and it cleans your soul, and he is looking at you.

with a quick roll of the eyes, you agree and Sebastian shoves the berry in your mouth. and sometimes you wish you’d listen to your head more than your heart; especially now.

“ew!” you yell, it comes out muffled because Sebastian put the entire berry in your mouth unprompted, stem and all. you fold into yourself as you search for a napkin to spit it out. “I should have never listened to you! oh my god, that was horrible.”

Sebastian breaks out into laughter as he watches your face scrunch up in disgust, he hands you a napkin and you throw the mushy mayo-strawberry to the side.

“Man, I gotta think of a horrible question.” you snark.

“Try me.” he says, testing the waters.

this feels oddly like the first night he met, maybe he shouldn’t be letting you do this. Maybe he’ll say something wrong again. knowing himself, he probably will.

you can’t look at him, you plop down and stare at the stars and hope he follows. Sebastian does.

“Do you actually like being an actor?”

Sebastian’s quick and ready junket or movie premiere answer is on the tip of his tongue and then he realizes. It's an empty park, night and stars shining down on him and he’s alone. alone with you. you're beside him and he can feel your warmth. Sebastian had to think of a new answer, it puzzles him.

he fully thought you’d ask something embarrassing of him. like it’s not already on some podcast or interview. Sometimes he regrets when he says those vulnerable and knowing things about himself. It's like giving a piece of himself to the world. in exchange: he’s not sure.

“Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.” he exhales and it’s the only thing he can think of. “recently though; I’ve been liking it a lot less.”

you hum, so he knows you’re listening and you understand and you urge him to keep going. because the weight in his words makes you feel like it’s been bottled up and he’s letting his thoughts out barely, one by one.

“You know, sometimes it just feels like I’m not me. like I'm made up of things people think of me, and it’s hard to differentiate from that.”

he sighs, his chest feels heavy. “i guess I’m just tired of people picking me apart.”

“amen.” you attempt to joke and it leaves Sebastian off guard. but it’s not bad, he chuckles under his breath and you have a small, tiny smile on your face.

It's silent for a while, but it's okay. It's comforting and domestic and it reminds you of the morning Sebastian slept over. But you also know what’s about to come and you decide to just accept it because Sebastian is already asking the question he did before.

“I’m taking my questions now,” he says. “be honest this time. the real you, what broke you?”

the real you. you would never understand, Sebastian Stan.

you decide to go slow, and asses if you’ve been deceived and are stomping on enemy territory.

“Do you know Mile Franco?” the words come out and you don’t recognize your own voice, you feel dirty and slimy.

Sebastian's confusion shows heavily on his face, even if you can’t see it - you hear it in his words.

“the director? yeah. I auditioned to be in like 3 of his movies.”

you barely realize the words leave your lips until the awkward and painful silence follows after, the words rush out so quick you maybe hope Sebastian doesn't understand you.

“he’s my ex-husband. and he’s stolen every single one of those movies from me.”

your mind flashes to the metal ring that you used to wear with pride. the days you were trapped in those multi-million dollar hollywood houses, for literally weeks. you thought you were being loved as you gave the man your scripts and story and directorial work and talent for free. in exchange for what?: a few suicide attempts, trust issues, a 10 million dollar settlement, and a stolen Oscar for director of the year as the one thing to say “fuck you” to him. even if he had endless awards that should have your name on the plate

“Oh.” is all Sebastian can say and your sure you’ve fucked up. and he’s a secret die hard fan of his and he’s fawned over miles at award shows you should've been to, but you always found out he got invited after the red carpet and it was too late. you watch him accept your awards on the television.

“I met him fresh into film school. I graduated high school early so I was only 17. I had nothing to my name at the time” you exhale a shaky breath. “we were married for 13 years, it took 2 hospital trips for me to leave him. I took him to court for the rights - lost - and got settlement money instead.”

Sebastian feels his mouth go dry when he listens to you. abruptly sitting up, making you flinch as he looks down at you. anger, confusion, disgust, nervousness: you couldn’t tell but his face flared up with emotions as he furrowed his eyebrows.

“so all of his movies… you wrote? like all of them?”

“yes.” it comes out strangled and more like a croak.

Sebastian is processing what that all means to you for, for the film industry and himself. He loved his movie and admired him. Sebastian can only think to joke about it and also make a pathetic, desperate attempt to make you feel better.

“That explains why his movies have been really bad recently.” he scoffs and you actually laugh. Sebastian wants you to feel better.

“I guess.” you sigh. sitting up next to him.

Sebastian always knows how to push everything slightly over the edge and despite how much he’s talking himself from doing that with you. mysterious, mysterious girl. He can’t help himself and he begins to tread in unfamiliar territory.

“you’re divorced, away from him. So why do you continue to write movies and go uncredited?”

you breathe in. ready to give your avoidance-type answer you’d give Grace or change the subject. but Sebastian's looking at you and he looks caring and trusting and he’s not your therapist. you wonder what is wrong with you and if you should run and hide that this will be another Miles.

“I feel like they have this idea that when someone goes through something like I did, they’re supposed to blossom and take control and gain that power back.” you sigh, the continuous trope you see in the media that tire your back: because it’s not you, and you feel like a fraud. “But that’s not me, because I got pushed into that comfortable zone of being in the shadows despite the fact it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I know nothing else.”

Sebastian doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say and for once — the silence makes you uncomfortable. a light-hearted scoff leaves you, “and the reasons you don’t want to be an actor are the reason I don’t want that fame.”

“makes sense.” Sebastian says. he knows deep down that despite the fire brewing in the bottom of his stomach that feels betrayed for you. He doesn't act, you wear your stubbornness on your shoulder and Sebastian knows that no amount of cotton candy grapes will make you have a sudden epiphany tonight.

but he also knows the pent-up emotions of being silenced and talked over, and giving up trying anything else.

“get up.” Sebastian speaks softly, your eyes glance at him.

“What?” The smile on Sebastian's face confused you more. slowly, you rose up and went straight next to him. short-lived when Sebastian grasps your hand and jerks you up an empty field around the park, stumbling over your feet as he guides you to the top of the hill.

“okay, and stand here.” Sebastian still hasn't answered your questions, you were sensing a pattern. but you obey and stand directly next to him. you stare down the hill, you feel taller.

“Sebastian? what are you doing?”

“do you trust me?” he asked plainly, a tease at the end of his words that caused your lip to quirk up slightly. it’s getting too easy for him to do this.

“I barely know you.”

“You know more than most.” Sebastian breathes out and quickly faces the sky again. “Now, breathe.”

you inhale slowly and exhale, your chest rises and you wonder why you trust him. you probably shouldn’t.

“scream,”

“what?”

“scream, scream as loud as you want, scream at the stars, scream at the clouds, scream at the world. just scream until you feel better.”

Sebastian finished and you look and see a solemn smile on his face. “You're crazy.”

“do it.”

you turn to the stars, keep your mouth shut. an invisible latch on it that’s stopped you from this for years - decades. You can’t help but wonder how often Sebastian does this and if his therapist told him to do this. Does he even go to therapy? probably not.

before you can even muster up anything to scream about, a deep and loud yell startles you. Sebastian begins screaming his head off and you're laughing suddenly, you don’t know why but you are.

“Come on.” he encourages, slightly disappointed that you didn’t join straight away. but Sebastian is good at pushing, and you need a lot of it.

“There's something about you, Sebastian Stan” you whisper enough for him to hear, it mixes in with the soft sounds of the wind.

“scream or I’ll cry myself to sleep.” Sebastian deadpans.

“This is manipulation.”

Sebastian just smiles and turns back around and screams, again. loud but you don’t flinch this time. playfully you roll your eyes, gulping down all your anxieties and you really hope the dam doesn't break fully and you end up crying. you scream, loud and shrill but Sebastian hears the pain in it and is proud you're letting at least a little bit of it out.

it died down and faded into belly laughter, Sebastian clutched his stomach and curled into himself. a wide Cheshire grin that matched yours now.

“I hope no one calls the cops on us,” he mentions through waves of laughter.

“Just name drop, we’ll be fine.” you wave him off and don’t notice that he’s staring at you with a glint in his eyes that are highlighted by the stars and moon. He looks gorgeous, only if you could see it. you’d know how love sick he was growing.

Sebastian's laughter subdued and he glanced from you and the large hill. an idea pops into his head and for a moment he wonders if he’s pushing too far, but it is forgotten when he goes to grab your hand.

“Now we roll!” he yells out, a childish grin on his face. you whip your head towards him and his hand that holds yours. he is so warm, you feel a sense of comfort in your chest.

“What?!”

and you’re rolling, Sebastian pulls you down and your face is met with wet grass. but you can’t help but just laugh some more when you find yourself at the bottom and in Sebastian’s arms. you're not bothered by the sudden closeness, you feel you should be.

“you’re a horrible influence, look at my hair!” you point out.

“Your hair looks great.” Sebastian says, one hand on your waist and the other patting any fly away or grass in your hair away.

his eyes glance to your lips, and you notice that. you feel your heart beating faster and you wonder if Sebastian can hear it too. with Sebastian so close, chest to chest, you're sure he can.

“you going to throw me off or…?” you gulp.

Sebastian just shakes his head, his iris glancing at every single detail of your face. “nope.”

“Oh.”

not to be cliche, but the world feels like it’s stopped. the quietest sound of Sebastian thumb grazing against your skin, the wind stops blowing through the grass and leaves and it’s just you and him.

“I hope I'm not misreading the situation…” Sebastian alludes, slowly closing the distance between you two.

“you’re not.” you breath out and barely a second later his lips are on yours.

it’s wrong, everything about this is wrong. you feel the rise of doom in your stomach. but he’s warm and soft against your lips and your heart says something different because it feels so right. he feels like the first drink on a night out, you know tomorrow will be hell but you couldn’t stop yourself because he feels so good.

Sebastian's tongue swipes across your lips and his hands grasp tighter on your hip and back. He flips you over gently, his knee is in between your thighs but it’s not sexual. He kisses you gently and fully, he doesn't tease and takes his time. you feel the grass beside your head and it pricks at your skin, but it doesn't bother you.

a small sound comes from each of your lips, a moan even. it’s not hungry or asking for more, you feel full and content. Sebastian isn’t looking for your body or making this kiss feel like some milestone to be advanced after.

but then he pulls back and you feel empty, it’s so confusing — you hate it.

“was that too much?” he asks, still so giddy and head high from having you against him.

“not at all. thank you.”

a moment of silence, it’s not uncomfortable or ungiving, but you pull away and Sebastian crawls off you. rising to his feet and lending you a hand. you check your phone, it’s late - way late.

“I think I should be getting back.” you sigh, this feels like the end of a movie. reality hits you tomorrow and you feel the high calm down, oh how will you replace it?

Sebastian looks a little disappointed, but he attempts a face for you to not see it. “Okay, I’ll drive you.”

He pulls you by the hand again and for the last time that night, you sit in his passenger seat and continue to listen to whatever’s on the radio. small and meaningless chatter, about movies and television. specifically horror for a while. Sebastian doesn’t like horror which shocks you. but he also makes fun of you for the fact your favorite movie is Rocky and mayday.

you watch him when he smiles and frowns or when he does that thing where he pokes his tongue on the side of his cheek, you deny to yourself that you think it’s hot. warm and orange lights from driving through a tunnel show on his face and your brain instantly thinks you want to make a movie with orange color grading, with Sebastian as the leading man. probably something depressing.

The thought of being in love with Sebastian plagues your mind for a moment, and you wonder if this is what it would feel like.

and you hate the feeling even more when he drops you off at the hotel and you're left alone again with nothing but your thoughts. you long to see him again and it scares you.

the orange bottle in your bag taunts you, you can’t help it. old habits die hard.

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