#I cannot believe this is what drags me back into this place but I've got my armor on and I'm ready to tackle

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

So you mean to tell me that not only is the homophobic fans throwing the largest temper tantrum I've seen from a Ninjago group since the Greenflame Antis Blacklist of 2019

But these motherfuckers dared bring Kirby's name into it.....they just gave me my 11th reason of returning to the fandom and making all the gay shit on purpose to piss them off because yes I am that petty and also how fucking dare you

I am furious I am pissed you leave Kirby Morrow's name out of your fucking mouth I can't find the interview with him saying that he would love if Cole is lgbtq but it was brought up a couple of times and he was an ally

So you keep your goddamn mouth shut he most likely would really love this because he was an ally a majority of the voice actors are allies.

[sofiareidings]

Date Night 🦇🦇🦇

Summary: You take Spencer on a date to a haunted corn maze. Warning: Some fluff.

A/N: Sooo...I know I haven't update for like a week. I do have that stereotypical fanfic excuse I was at the hospital for a sleep study Friday & Saturday but that isn't the only reason. I've been a little burn out writing one-shots so I needed a break. Lastly, this is a submission for @masterwords Halloween party!

Word Count: 1.1k

Song Suggestions: Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley

"I cannot believe you dragged me here." Spencer grumbled, holding on to your hand tightly. He was obviously scared. "Why do we have to do this?"

"It's October, and It's Friday the 13th. That means we have to do this." You smiled and looked up, reading the sign 'HAUNTED CORN MAZE'. A moment of hesitation flashed over his face before pushing the gate open and muttering under his breath. "Are you scared?"

"What? Me? No." He laughed anxiously and squeezed your hand. You nodded and stayed quiet looking around, the maze looked just normal at the entrance, with the exception of the spider web decorations.

"Our job literally figuring out who's lying and that's the best you could do?" Letting your laugh die out, the two of you got to a turn in the maze. He went ahead slightly and as you went around the corner a scare actor in a pretty realistic zombie costume jumped out at you. You jumped then laughed whereas Spencer yelped and grabbed your arm for a second before laughing nervously.

"Hah! Yeah, didn't scare me that bad." He exclaimed, almost yelling at the poor actor who had started to retreat back to their hiding spot.

Spencer wasn't good at being calm but he was good at the maze, you had hit five checkpoints already. "Have you relaxed now? The scares are predictable."

"We deal with real monsters every day. This is what you wanted to do on your day off?" Since that first scare he had held on to your hand, swearing it had been to protect you. Not himself. "You should have brought Emily with you, she'd have liked it because you're both weird."

"You say that as if you aren't weird yourself." Scoffing, you two continued down the maze. The sky was pitch-black now and luckily you two were already three-fourths done. "And to answer your first question, maybe I just wanted to have normal people fun. You should try it sometime." Poking his side and laughing a little.

"You know that most corn mazes generally follow the same pattern? Once you do a few you can navigate them pretty well," Changing the subject, he continued to explain corn mazes. "and at the end most exits at a right turn-" Another scare popped out of a large area of corn. Scaring both of you this time.

"Oh my God, so how close is the end now?" You said, breathing a little fast moving past the jump scare. Spencer laughed then continued rambling about corn mazes while you walked through a calmer section. Slipping your hand into his again while listening to him you looked around, the sky was oddly clear and you could see dozens of stars. The decorations out here were less detailed, must've run out near the end of the maze. It was quiet out here and even though it was supposed to be scary you were finding it kind of…romantic?

"The last checkmark!" You exclaimed, pointing at a large empty area. In the middle was a fountain, water dyed red. "That means we're almost done." Smiling, you looked around to see and listen to the quietness, Spencer doing the same.

"It's nice here," He smiled, looking over at you. Around the fountain was the cheesy spider web decor that's been throughout the whole place. Other than that there were a few haystacks stacked with pumpkins and seasonal flowers placed on top. Just off to the side a scarecrow dressed to look like a witch. "Well, it's scary but nice. And quiet."

"Yeah it is." Beaming, looking around and squeezing his hand and turning in front of him. "You know…" Letting the words drag on while you walked your fingers up his arm. "We don't have to leave just yet."

"What do you mean?" He chuckled nervously then looked around to see if any people were around. Only to get the response of crickets hiding in the corn.

"Well you know, it's been a busy couple of weeks at work, we haven't had time to ourselves." Smiling, you hoped he had caught on. After a couple seconds he finally got it and leaned down, grabbing your face and planting a short, sweet kiss on your lips. Not even a second later he kissed again, longer and more passionate. Your hands wrapped around his neck, making you stand up on your tiptoes.

"You look gorgeous today," He spoke in between a kiss, rapidly and breathless. "I've been trying to say that all day." His one hand moving away from your face and then to your waist. Grabbing it and moving you closer.

"You normally don't like PDA." You said, moving away to catch your breath. As you leaned in to kiss again quiet footsteps came from the corn and you peaked over his shoulder. Seeing the silhouette of a person. Stepping back in fear of getting caught the person finally jumped out to scare the both of you, looking disappointed when you barely flinched.

"We should probably go now…" Grabbing his arm you laughed out of the embarrassment from the actor seeing you. "What way do we go?"

"Two lefts and then a right. Most likely." He pointed and shook his head, clearly just as embarrassed. You moved your hand down to his again. Putting it in his. "That was close."

"Oh really? I didn't know." You rolled your eyes and pushed his side while laughing. You made the first turn and saw what seemed to be lights as well as the same playlist from the start of the maze. Almost at the end.

The last turn, you could see the archway that led out of the field and back to the rest of the farm the maze was placed on. With only a few more seconds still in the maze the last actor popped up and screamed. Making you scream and dig your nails into Spencer's hand. Which then made *him* scream.

"Congratulations! You two made it out!" The actor yelled, holding out some coupons if you were to come back. "I hope I didn't scare you too badly."

"Oh yeah, not at all." You scoffed and brushed off the comment. Spencer laughed then reached for your hand again, starting to walk back to the car.

"I love you, you know that?" He looked at you, smiling and you blushed. A little surprised by how upfront he was tonight.

"Yeah. I love you too." You kissed his cheek then pulled the car keys from your pocket. Still grinning to yourself and thinking how damn lucky you were.

Even though your Friday the 13th wasn't that scary in the end.

[mrsstarkey1]

this is me trying - rafe cameron

SUMMARY: based on 'this is me trying' by taylor swift. takes place after the events of season three.

WORD COUNT: 1.2k

WARNINGS: season 3 spoilers

A/N: you cannot tell me this song doesn't portray rafe cameron perfectly like ??? it's insane. also check out my most recent rafe fic

------

i've been having a hard time adjusting

i had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

rafe couldn't remember a time before the gold, before the cross, before his dad became obsessed, before he let his dad drag him down with him, before his dad was dead.

rafe's entire life, he made decisions with one thing in mind; his dad. then suddenly, he was gone. it was as if in one singular instant, rafe's life became meaningless. his purpose - gone. his reasoning for every terrible thing he's ever done - gone.

he wanted to be angry, to blame someone. he wanted to not believe the story that sarah told him. but something inside him wouldn't let himself blame anyone but himself.

as rafe wandered the streets of whatever city he ended up in running from his problems, he found remembering glimpses of his life before everything got complicated. he used to have money that didn't come from gold; he used to have friends; he used to have the possibility of a future; he used to be happy. he missed that. and he could finally admit it.

i didn't know if you'd care if i came back

i have a lot of regrets about that

rafe left the outer banks without saying a word to anyone the same day that sarah told him about his father. he didn’t even say anything to you, but he wished that he did.

now it’d been so long, he was so worried that even if he came back to you, and God knows he wanted to, that you'd never forgive him.

he told himself that you probably wouldn't even care if he came back. in reality, he was just terrified that if he faced you and you felt how he thought you did, he'd lose the one thing he was still living for.

if he lost the idea of you; the possibility that maybe one day he could hold you in his arms again, then he'd have nothing. he couldn't bare the thought of that.

pulled the car off the road to the lookout

could've followed my fears all the way down

rafe twisted the key out of the ignition, tossing it onto the passengers seat. he opened the car door with a shaky hand before he could talk himself out of it.

he dragged his feet along the ground, dirt kicking up as he walked. breathing in the mountain air, he looked down, kicking a rock over the edge. he estimated about it was about 300 feet until the first ledge.

rafe lifted his eyes up, blinking the tears away that he hadn’t realized had formed. he took in the view along with a deep breath. his head was level with the clouds, and he’d never seen something so beautiful; so calming - the fresh air, the mountain view, the feeling he got. taking it all in, rafe finally felt at peace. which made sense, given what he’d pulled over the car to do.

almost every part of him was ready. every part of him except for the part that still loved you; the part of him that wanted to make things right.

he was still terrified of facing you, even more so now since it had been almost a year. and now he had a choice to make. he could take one more step forward and chase that fear all the way to bottom; take the easy way out. or he could turn around, and follow his fear back home.

and maybe i don’t quite know what to say

but i’m here in your doorway

i just wanted you to know

that this is me trying

rafe could barely keep his eyes open by the time he’d pulled into your driveway. a twelve hour drive running on no sleep and no food, it was a miracle he hadn’t wrapped his car around a tree.

rafe’s heartbeat quickened when his eyes met your car parked on the side of the street. you were inside. a part of him had been hoping you wouldn’t be home, and he’d have a little longer to decide what to say. he’d thought 12 hours would have been enough, but his shaking hands suggested otherwise.

he gripped the steering wheel, closing his eyes and forcing in a deep breath. this is why he was still alive, for this very moment.

he pushed open the car door as soon as he’d psyched himself up enough. within a couple seconds, he was at your front door, fist held up inches from the wood. this is when he finally realized what he was doing.

you were never going to forgive him, what was he doing? his heart beated against his chest like a drum, and he suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. his body went completely weak, and he practically crashed into the front door.

it was the footsteps on the other side of the door that brought him out of his weakened state, and he realized what had just happened. you were coming to the door. he was going to be face to face with you in less than a minute. he stepped back from the door, glancing back at his car, weighing his options.

the door swung open so quickly, rafe jumped out of his skin, for a lack of better words. he opened his mouth to say something, but not even a breath came out.

there you were. you looked even more beautiful than he remembered. your hair was lighter and a lot longer, reminding him that it had been an entire year since he’d seen you.

“rafe,” he’d barely heard you say, still trying to believe that you were within his reach. you took a step closer, eyes scanning over his entire body. “you-you’re here,” you breathed out.

your eyes asked a million questions, and all he wanted to do was answer them. but every time he opened his mouth to say something, only silence followed. before he knew it, your arms were wrapped around him and hands tangled in his hair. your hugs still felt the exact same after a year, and the second he breathed in the scent of you, it felt like he’d gone back in time.

his eyes fluttered shut and his arms closed tightly around you, hanging on for dear life.

the embrace didn’t last nearly as long as he wanted, which was forever. you pulled away, keeping your hands on his arms. “where the hell have you been, rafe?” you asked, eyes scanning his face. he wanted to tell you everything, he needed to, but his throat was closed shut. all he could do was stare into your eyes. “talk to me, baby. you’ve been gone for a year. no contact, no nothing. i understand why you left, okay? you lost your father, and i know how much me meant to you. but you’ve got to tell me what’s going on. please, rafe, just talk to me.”

“i-” he started, a pathetic feeling engulfing him when his voice broke after one word and he looked at the ground. you moved closer, hands slipping from his arms and up to the sides of his face. you trained your eyes on his, silently begging him to talk. rafe took a shaky breath, “i’m trying,” he let out weakly.

you nodded your head intently, “i know you are.” you saw it in his eyes, the broken part of him. you leaned in, resting your forehead on his, “i know you’re trying.”

rafe nodded, a sigh of relief escaping him. twelve hours ago, he was standing on the edge between life and death. looking into your eyes now, he knew that he would spend the rest of his days trying to pay you back for being the reason he chose life.

at least i'm trying

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REQUESTS OPEN !!

check out my obx masterlist || taylor swift song inspired fics

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[fr-18]

Rompecorazones 2 // Jenni.H

Victoria quickly ushered your sobbing form out of the dutch changing rooms in hopes to calm you down without the prying eyes of her teammates.

your breathe has picked up quickly so vic sat down on the floor and dragged you with her. She placed your head into her lap and twisted the strands of your wet hair in hopes to ground you a little.

"okay sweetheart you have to calm down otherwise we can't have a conversations okay?" Vic softly spoke whilst your loud cries subsided and turned into a blank expression and tears streaming down your cheeks.

"she hates me, i ruined it." you spoke as you started up at the celling. "she never wants to see me again, so i told her she wouldn't have too."

"so it's a done deal?" Victoria quietly asked aware of the members of staff that could be anywhere around the building.

"i got the call this morning, so i told Vilda that i was resigning after the tournament which means i'm benched for the foreseeable. Being in this tournament has brought me nothing but hurt, so i'm not upset that i've finally been allowed to go." Vic took in a sharp intake of breathe at all the news.

"he can't just bench you! how is he being allowed to do that?" vic’s once calm words turned into anger, and her once soft fingers tangling in your hair turned into hard clenched fists

"he can and it's already done, i can fight my own battles. he doesn't scare me." you sighed, although after the outburst in the Spanish changing room you were more than ready to never be under Vilda's control again.

"do you want me to stay? i travel back tomorrow but just say the word and i'll find another flight."Victoria quickly stated and gestured for you to stand up with her.

"i cannot expect you to d-" although i tried to stop the girl from having to pay for a few extra nights in a hotel there was no room for complaint. "i'm staying with you, no arguments." she spoke after she stopped you with her hand.

your murmured complaints were almost quietened by Victoria's raised brow and hardened expression.

almost.

"vic no, it's not going to work this time. you need to go back, start preseason training and i will be fine. it's been a long time coming" her face displayed her feelings of the decision but yet she decided not to argue.

"you will call me whenever you need me?" you nodded at the girl and brought her into a tight hug.

"now go back into the changing room and be with your team” the dutch girl was clearly hesitant about leaving you alone which caused you to open the door yourself and push her in.

once you were alone you walked around some more before ultimately deciding to go back to the changing room, but before you walked in you heard the loud shouts from one of your teammates, maybe multiple of them you couldn’t tell.

deciding against walking in and making it worse you slid down the wall and waited until it was quiet once more.

_______

After you left the dressing room the whole team was staring at jenni in shock.

never had they seen the older women be so harsh to you, normally they were making fun of you both for being so sickeningly cute.

“Qué fue eso?” alexia questioned with an unreadable expression. what was that?

“no sé” Jenni spoke quietly as she looked down at the floor, it interested her a lot more than alexia’s disappointed expression. i don’t know

alexia laughed.

not because she found anything funny, quite the opposite. she couldn’t believe that Jenni had no explanation for her outburst.

even the team were shocked that jenni had nothing more to say, everyone thought she would’ve had something more to say yet it was almost like she regretted it.

no that couldn’t of been right, jenni has been so angry that much emotion must’ve come from somewhere. There must some truth in those sharp words even if it was deep down.

yet Jenni still stared at the floor, the normal goofy and loud women now speechless as she watched her tears drip onto the changing room floor.

“i- i can’t believe i said that to her.” Jenni spoke quietly, which is what started the loud shouts from the many angry spaniards.

_______

eventually you grew tired of sitting outside the changing room and listening to the shouts coming from inside, yet you couldn’t hear Jenni no matter how hard you tried to listen her voice couldn’t be heard.

you walked into the changing room, Jenni was stood in the middle of it as she just listened to the angry words that were clearly directed at her.

as much as your heart grew full at your teammates defending you, you wouldn’t allow them to do to her what she did to you.

“detente, por favor” you spoke once you came into view. stop it please

Once she heard your voice Jenni’s head snapped up as her glassy eyes focused on your own.

you saw her about to open her mouth. probably to say more hurtful words, at least that’s what you thought, so you stopped her with a shake of your head.

you couldn’t take anymore of her cruel words.

you could see her almost pleading with you to atleast allow her to say something but you were too vulnerable you wouldn’t allow yourself to carry on being hurt so deeply infront of the girls you considered family.

it was clear to everyone in the room that it wasn’t only Jenni you didn’t want to hear from, you sat yourself in your seat and put in your headphones but not before telling Alexia to let you know when you all board the bus back to the hotel.

and she did, once everyone started to head out Alexia tapped you on the shoulder before gesturing to the people leaving.

you nodded and stood up whilst picking up your things, Alexia waited for you by the door. the only thing you could offer her was a small smile as she led you outside with an arm around your shoulder.

there was a reason you seemed to stick with Alexia whenever you weren’t with Jenni. She didn’t feel the need to talk every second, she enjoyed comfortable silence which in this moment was all you needed.

the pink haired women dragged you down into the seat next to her as you sighed and leant your head onto her shoulder allowing the rumbling of the bus and your music blaring in your ears to lull you to sleep.

Alexia met eyes with Jenni’s from across the bus, the dark haired women’s eyes were known for being bright and so full of life but instead they were dull and no longer had that sparkle you fell in love with.

Jenni quickly looked away and instead placed her eyes on your peaceful figure but your eyes were forcefully squeezed shut almost like you never wanted to open them again.

All Jenni wanted to see where your beautiful eyes along with your beaming smile reassuring her that all would be well, just like you did in the match. But she knew that was impossible, she hurt you in the worst way, she humiliated you in-front of everyone you love.

she doubted she would ever see that beautiful smile directed at her again, she’d messed it all up and all because of her own self-doubts.

She knew she loved you, She knew that she wanted to be embraced in your love until it was no longer possible, and yet she threw that possibility away.

she could never expect you to forgive her, because she didn’t know if she would ever be able to forgive herself.

a/n: well i guess this only calls for one thing… part 3 anyone?

[mysticficti0n]

All my attention Part 7

warnings- swearing, slow burn, flirting, dirty talk, praise, romance,

words- 4.7k

If you'd like to read the previous parts → All my attention series

a/n- so if you're new here I am British and cannot speak any German, I speak a little French, Spanish and Italian but German- no. I also do not trust Google translate so this is gonna be like an avatar thing (if you've seen the newest one Jake says that their language just became normal or something along those lines) so in reality this is all in German, you as a reader know German but, its wrote in English... make sense? no... well. Also you guys are fucking amazing thank you for all the likes on not only All my attention but the hc and request story like it means so much ♡

(hey guys I'm finally back! I'm so so sorry this has taken so fucking long but I've been beyond busy these past few days and I've had no time to even go on my computer but anyways enjoy this- part 8 is about to be crazy thats all ima say, love you all)

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backstory- you are the 5th member of Tokio Hotel and you always thought the love was equally platonic between you and a certain guitarist... but what if that all changed?

I sat in the back of Gustav's dads car with a knocked out Georg and Tom who's eyes didn't leave me for the whole trip, everyone was in small slurring conversation chuckling and yawning struggling to keep themselves awake as it was 3:47am

I turned my body, Georg falling off my shoulder to lean on my back which I had to try not laugh at while facing Tom who had a small grin on his face "what?" I asked in a whisper

"nothing nothing" my eyebrows furrowed eyes scanning him, his fingers toyed with the ring on his other hand

"you sure?" he nodded before turning away to look out the window, leg bouncing "okay" I turned myself back, Georg again falling back onto my shoulder mumbling something "sorry" I whispered patting his arm which rested next to mine, I watched Tom still bounce his leg so with my free hand I placed it on his knee, he didn't look back but a breath fell from his body.

I felt us pull onto the drive and stretched my legs out as much as I could seeing the boy to my left fully wake up and get out the car giving his hand to drag me out to like he hadn't been snoring in my ear the entire ride, Tom grabbed my bag as I saw him swig it over his shoulder making Bill, Simone, Gustav and Bella laugh a lot more than it should leaving David to try shut them all up and get them into the house, I shoved Georg to the group watching him trip on thin air cursing until he hit the bonnet of the car bumping into Gustav

"Tom sweetie go take Y/n back so her mother wont pester me about it later" I laughed seeing the women wave her son to follow me home

"alright" he spoke going back out the house and pulled me with him "come on" his voice wasn't jokey like usual- he sounded pissed off but I decided it was best to shrug it off, he helped me cross the wall and up the steps to the front door

"thanks for today it was actually really fun" I gave a smile having my bag off him "did you hear what I said?" I asked seeing him only nod again "whats wrong? why are you acting like this?" I spoke in a angered whisper "you were fine with me- well more then fine with me until we got into the car then you acted like you didn't want to know me"

"its nothing I-i'm just tired Y/n I promise" his voice was softer but I couldn't believe him

"why was your leg shaking and why did you play with your ring then because you can't have been fine then hm?" he breathed out looking worried

"you saw the ring thing?"

"of course I did because I was worried about you" his eyes flicked to mine, I didn't drop his gaze feeling him get closer "you didn't speak much and then- then" I was hushed by his lips pressing against mine, his strong arms holding my back in a hug, I let my self melt back into him, my hands going across his hips kissing him back tenderly.

"there isn't another girl like you in the world Y/n" Tom pulled back placing his head on mine "not as caring, loving, sweet, cute, beautiful"

"are you proposing again?" I spoke with a tired laugh, he pressed a peck to the corner of my lips

"not yet sweetheart, goodnight" he let go cupping my jaw before walking to his house leaving me stunned 'not yet'?

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"Y/n- sunshine wake up!" I opened my eyes expecting to see my mom stood over me

"morning mo-BILL WHAT THE HELL!" I screamed seeing the boy pull away laughing, I curled my blanket around my shoulders falling back into my nest of pillows seeing the boy give me a look making me move over so he could sit with me. He jumped onto the bed beside me crossing his legs and leaning back onto the wall "what do you want at- 11:24 in the morning then, you're literally never awake at this time" I asked looking back at him from my alarm clock

"I think it's me who should be asking the questions Y/n-" a smile I'd never seen before spread across his face "so... last night" I tried to think back, I remember the meal, going to the night club, dancing, drinking a lot and- fuck

"err, yeah last night what about it?" I spoke trying to hide the nervous laugh from escaping my mouth

"oh come on you're not that stupid- I saw it y/n/n" I wanted the world to swallow me up whole- what did he see? god which part did he see?! "so wanna explain your little kiss with my brother on the door step last night?" I slid further into my bed pulling the sheets over my head whispering a 'no thanks' but Bill didn't take that as an answer ripping the sheets from above me "Hey! I wanna know your little secret with him!"

"its nothing- just like our usual flirting we do and have done since we were like 13!" Bill raised an eyebrow "okay fine maybe there's some little feelings-"

"I KNEW IT!" the boy danced grabbing my hands dragging me from the warmth of my blanket "YOU TWO LOVE EACH OTHER!" I rolled my eyes pulling my hands from the singer

"woah we don't 'love' each other- its just mutual appreciation!" I went to my door pulling a hoodie off the peg and slipping it on to try distract from the fact Bill knew of mine and Tom's little- thing

"well last night I can tell you he didn't describe it as 'mutual appreciation'" I felt my stomach drop- what the fuck had that man said! I looked to his twin who was holding his chest laughing it all up pointing to my face

"oh god what was he saying? was it only to you or did the others hear- oh my god I want to die!" I hid my face again, the red feeling like it was going to make my head pop, Bill pulled my desk chair out setting his legs onto the table in front

"no don't worry only to me- we were having a smoke while everyone was up stairs and he said- from what I remember 'Y/n's awesome right?' I agreed of course and then he went 'she notices everything and genuinely cares you know' and I was nodding along not really caring what he said because I knew he'd drank and shit but then- oh but then he said 'I just fucking love her, like actually love her' and when I say I dropped my fucking jaw-" I felt like I was going to pass out, did he say this all? he was drunk surely he didn't mean it? but what if he did? all the questions spun around my head mixing with the tiredness and hang-over form last night

"I don't know what to say-" my eyes met with Bill who still had that shit eating grin along his lips "fucks sake what now?" I asked seeing him dismiss me "no what is it?"

"he's down stairs" if I didn't feel like jumping from my window and running into the city never to return I did now, I didn't realise how embarrassed I'd be- but nobody was meant to know. Bill stood giving me a 'reassuring' pat on my shoulder and walked out my room down the stairs leaving me to now face Tom on my own.

ten minuets after I managed to pull myself down the stairs seeing my little sister sat with Tom holding her mini guitar she had from Gordon for her birthday (okay Stella playing guitar with Tom was requested and its the cutes mf thing) her small fingers eagerly playing all the strings while he tried to show her how to actually do it while containing his laughs "no-no Stella look watch me, like that boop boop boop" he sang in tune with the strings as he pulled them

"boop boop boop! Boop boo- Baba!" I smiled to the young girl who was no longer interested in the guitar running to me with a gummy grin "Baba you wake!"

"Hi Stell! I'm awake yeah!" I picked her up onto the side of my hip squeezing her tightly, she pointed to Tom who pointed back at her "who's that?" I asked seeing her little eyes work

"Tom!" I spun her around as she clapped to herself for remembering "and momma a-and daddy and Seesee" she did little grabby hands to Simone otherwise known as Seesee by Stella, I placed her to the floor so she could go sit with her, Bill and my parents. Tom had placed the neon pink guitar back and sat leaning into the cushions of the sofa

"she's gonna be a guitarist when she's older and I better get credit" he spoke eyes shut as I sat next to him flicking on the Tv

"no she'll be a singer like me" he laughed shoving me slightly but quickly grabbing my arm so I didn't fall off the end of the sofa...unlike the bed situation "have a voice better than Madonna and P!nk"

"probably I mean she's your sister after all" I looked over to him and caught his eyes already on me "what were you and Bill doing for so long up stairs anyways? he said he was gonna go wake you up then didn't come back down for like half an hour" fuck- the whole conversation came flooding back to my head, I couldn't keep this from him, he deserves to know as much as me... God why is life so annoying like that?

"smoke?" I asked getting up closely followed by him, we went to the front of the house as Stella was now playing mommies and daddies on the deck with Simone, we sat on the steps and he pulled his cigs from his sweatpant pocket "thanks- okay well... you need to not be angry alright" his head shot to mine with a weird look "say swear"

"swear" his voice was unsure sounding but he'd said it now

"right- so do you remember last night? besides the meal and club?" he took a long drag from the end of the cigarette

"yeah if you mean the me and you parts- clearly remember them" a smile replaced his straight face as he thought back to the night

"Bill knows" I spat out seeing his face immediately drop again, head snapping to me "he saw us- on here- last night" I breathed head dropping not being able to confront Tom's looks "and you also told him that you erm- that you love me... I mean you were drunk so it was probably just that mixed with us kissing and stuff" he was still silent, I could only hear his slight puffs as he had his cig

"Only Bill knows right?" I nodded bringing my head back up "Y/n don't worry he wont say anything- I promise you and well what I said I... I didn't not mean it" I finally let my gaze fall back to him. His hand moved from his knee to my thigh calming me instantly "I wish you didn't hear it from him but- I do love you" I was completely taken aback when Tom said it. I didn't expect to hear those three little words from him ever in the way he said them. I felt my heart racing and my palms started to sweat as I tried to process what he had just said again, I thought Bill was just overdramatising things but- no. it was both thrilling and terrifying. I looked into his eyes, and saw the sincerity there. I knew that he truly meant what he said

After a few moments of silence, I finally found my voice and confidence to even speak "I... I love you too" The smile that spread across Tom's face was one of pure joy, my heart soared. I felt adrenaline run through my body mixing with the blood flowing through my body as his hand moved to my face pulling me in gently, pressing his lips to mine for the first time since we really said 'love you' It was a different kiss to the others we'd shared, softer, loving, tender- I knew it wasn't going to lead to anything it was just a kiss to really set in stone our feelings- feelings we knew were more than we ever imagined having

"I've been waiting to say that to you for months- like properly say it to you not just in a friendly way" my head leaned onto his shoulder taking in his warmth as the afternoon breeze blew over my exposed legs, I stepped out my cigaret waiting for Tom to finish his looking up past his jawline that was so effortlessly sharp, skin so soft not a spot or blemish, his lips so perfectly fitted to his face, those eyes that when the sun hit them they went a golden brown "enjoying the view?" his voice rung looking down at me

"your pretty" I say back seeing a hot blush wipe over his cheeks "aww" I pecked his cheek standing up to go back into the house but a grasp on my leg stopped me, looking down I saw the wheels in his head turning

"wanna go on a date tonight?"

┍━━━━━━━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━━━━━━━┑

I looked in the mirror one last time, checking the outfit- pulling my skirt down my thighs more and fixing my necklace- then my hair, I tried something different, a spiky bun which took so much time but finally I was done, I grabbed my phone and keys, money and sprayed myself with perfume. I looked to my clock "7:00 okay I have five minuets" I spoke to myself going down the stairs seeing my mom sat with my dad watching a movie "how do I look?" I spoke walking to them and they both smiled

"Beautiful sunshine! absolutely beautiful" she clapped her hand "did you take any photo's of yourself?" she asked getting ready to grab her camera

"of course she has Angelica its Y/n- you look lovely sweet" my dad laugh letting my mom getting comfy again into his chest "remind me what your doing again"

"Oh meeting with some old friends from school for a dinner thing-" I lied, I knew if I said 'oh going on a date with Tom' they'd be asking question after question

"so why is Tom driving you?"

"he's seeing some his mates not far so said he can drop me off " dad hummed and I herd a knock at the door "love you!" I called hearing a faint 'ditto' from the two as I walked out the house "hey!"

"wow-" Tom sounded, I smiled looking to him, red shirt with skulls, matching cap and blue bandana jeans "I feel underdressed by you now"

"come on- you look hot" a laugh escaped his lips as we went to his car, he opened the door for me giving his hand so I could get in "thank you" I grinned

"no problem babe" he climbed in to his side starting the engine making the car shudder awake, we started the drive, his hands between having to move the gear stick held my thigh, pressing the pads of his fingers when he was getting pissed of the the other drivers "your hair looks nice by the way" my heart melted, my eyes falling over to him

"I tried something different- I'm glad you like it" he nodded rubbing my leg before taking his hand away "where are we going by the way?"

"somewhere special- were like 2 seconds away- oh here" we pulled into a small car park which looked quiet empty which was refreshing, especially since the last time we went out- the car was full of flashes of light pulling us from the road, voices screaming and shouting our names as we tried to get the doors open but paparazzi knew we were coming and they wouldn't hold back on two teens. our names were bouncing around the mouths of people and people who wanted clear photos shoving forward making people knock into us. to even get to Tom I had to jump the hood of Tom's car to him, grabbing his arm as he pushed through the sea of lights shouting for them to move while we tripped over peoples feet, microphone cords and what not.

but this time it was silent besides the purrs of the cars that passed, I went to open my door but the dreadhead reached over slamming my door "stop being stupid" I breathed a laugh waiting for him to jog and open my door "m'lady"

"oh why thank you sir" he pressed a kiss to my cheek, not letting go of my hand, we walked into the restaurant named the 'star night lounge' and i nearly screamed "This-this is the one I was talking about like 6 months ago!" the boy nodded chuckling at my face

"I remember these things- come on we need to go in" hurriedly we walked in, the smell was the smell of romance, dark and rose, dimly lit tables placed around, candles hanging from rods on the wall "its better than the pictures" I nodded taking everything in

"welcome to star night lounge- how many?" a women asked with a smile looking to Tom to which he answered 2 "okay, if you'd like to follow me" she grabbed menus and turned away from us walking down a small entry way and turning to the left, we followed her and walked into the one room I remember falling In love with when I first saw it on the website "is this okay- I will say its a bit darker in here than other parts"

"this is amazing" I exhaled looking around

"no this is great, thank you" Tom spoke as the women left us, it was all perfect, the room, the night, Tom. we sat down quickly across from each other, small glances and smiles passed along the way, we weren't the only people in the room so the noise of small chatter and jazz music played in the background

"Tom this is amazing! I-i don't know that to say" my voice slipped "its just" his hand came over the table taking mine "I'm being a baby i'm sorry"

"its okay don't be sorry" his lips pressed against my knuckles "look you deserve a good date Y/n- I don't remember you once going out with Brian, I want to be better than he was"

"you already are" I smiled seeing him press another kiss to my hand "so much better- god there's a list"

"want me to be shocked?" he laughed "...you look so pretty in here babe" I felt like I could pass out there and then and never ever get back up, his thumb drawing over my fingers, eyes watching me and smiles plastered over our faces.

Together we flicked through the menu asking what each other might have, arguing over the same dish until we came to a settlement "Good evening- what can we get you for dinner to night?" a different women walked over with a calm smile pulling her pad and pen out, Tom nodded his head at me to go first

"I'll have the star burger please... with fries" she nodded writing it down and turned to Tom

"I'll have the kabab please- the er.. fuck which one?" his face went red looking over to me a slight panic in his eyes

"chilli kabab please- oh and two playboy bunny cocktails please and thank you" I ended letting the server take our menus and leave to the kitchen

"Y/n I didn't want that stupid cocktail!" he huffed falling back into thseat "it's a girly one" I rolled my eyes seeing him be a actual child, with my foot I rubbed his legs

"its one drink Thomas- grow up" his tongue pressed into his cheek, smirk creeping across his lips "you herd me"

┍━━━━━━━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━━━━━━━┑

"Please Tom let me pay for my half at least" I pleaded seeing him shake his head "Tom!"

"Y/n I have it god sake put your money back" he said bluntly, snatching my change from my hand and throwing It back at me. I sat back glaring at him "don't look at me like that"

"like what?" I spoke seeing him roll his eyes but become distracted as the bill came over, he picked it up and his eyes widened the tiniest "lemme see" my hand went to reach over and grab the paper

"no" Tom turned to the other women swiping his card and the payment went through with a 'beep' and I fell back "thank you- Y/n come on"

"I hate you- why couldn't you let me pay?" I asked as he grabbed my hand pulling me from the restaurant "and how much was it?- thank you!" I smiled to the women behind the bar "a lot I bet and thats why you're not telling me huh?" I started again his hand tightened around mine, pushing me against the door of his car, my mouth zipped shut

"stop with the questions- I'd be a arsehole if I let you pay a single penny, so shut your pretty lips before I make you do something to keep you silent-" a red flush painted my body, his hooded eyes scanned me up and down "good" he lent forward pressing a kiss to the corner of my closed lips before opening the door for me to which I sat in and waited for his door to open.

the drive home was different- no words shared but so many things said with out looks, his hand holding my leg in place as he toyed with my skin giving me trails of goosebumps along my thigh, he threatened to push under my skirt, every time making me hold my breath waiting for some sort of friction but he just pulled away making me internally curse. we got home, our street dark, pulling into my drive nobody else was there sending a excited shock through my body.

We walked hand in hand up to my door- the same place as the night before, were we shared a kiss that would lead to us saying we loved each other not just platonically, Tom stood across from me, his hands hidden in his jeans "thank you for tonight Tom- I loved it so much"

"no problem- sorry I was a cunt about the bill, I didn't mean to sound so.. you know?" we shared a laugh as I walked to him wrapping my arms around his neck pulling him to look at me

"I liked it-" our lips met eagerly, I'd been waiting for this since we left the restaurant, the palm of his hand reached down, grabbing my ass, bringing me closer "fuck-" I let go to reach behind me to the door, opening it and pulling Tom in with me a terror washing over him

"Y/n what about your parents-" I turned back to him and smiled

"I forgot they were going out- they aren't here, Stella is at nans- it all okay" I kicked the door closed and his mood swung back, dragging my body back to him and hauling me up over his shoulder "TOM!" I screamed having to push myself up on his lower back as he carried my up the stairs, I felt the coldness of his lip ring as he pressed open kisses to my exposed thighs. we made it to my room where the main light was on and he dropped me onto my bed, crawling above me

"look at you- so beautiful below me hm?" I nodded my head listening to his every word "such a pretty girl"

"your girl-" I added seeing his face brighten slightly before falling dark again as his hand cupped my jaw

"all mine?" I nodded, his hand traveled to my waist sending a warm sensation through me "is this mine?" again I nodded my head, I felt his hand go down to my legs gently rubbing circles around the skin "is this mine?" like before I nodded "mhm.. and how about this?" his fingers drove to the inside of my thigh, involuntarily my legs parted just enough for his hand to palm me through my panties making me gasp "is this mine?"

"m-mhm, all yours Tom" I answered trying not to close my thighs around his hand, a sadistic smile painted his lips as he leaned down to me, hand not moving

"you like this don't you? with my hand just there- is there something you want?" I couldn't keep myself from him, crashing my lips onto him with so much want

"I-want-you" I spoke between kisses "please" I begged, Tom pulled off me, standing above looking down at me leaving me cold without his heat on me. he walked over switching the light off leaving us in a dim darkness, only light being from my desk, I watched as his hands went below his shirt pulling it over his head taking the cap and headband off too throwing them to my floor, his abs looked defined in the light, his muscles looking bigger than ever, the feeling between my legs only grew

"take a picture sweetheart" he purred going to his knees, the feeling of him unlacing my boots

"don't tempt me" I smiled leaning up to watch him pull the boots off and chuck them back under the bed and crawled back on top of me "thank you" I whispered into his ear

"no problem darling" he dove down into my neck, peppering kisses all over working down my chest as I struggled to keep myself propped up on the sheets, he stopped at the neck of my shirt looking up at me as I gave him a nod to take it off, he came back pressing another kiss to my lips before his hands pulled the top over my head exposing my bare chest to him, his eyes only became darker staring at me, I felt worried but the adrenaline soon kicked that as his lips pressed against mine pushing me onto the mattress below "god you are beautiful everywhere huh?" I grinned pushing him away giggling, he went down again, letting his lips go around my sensitive nipple, licking the bud until I was holding back a moan, his other free hand needing me, I let my nails dig into his back causing noises to fall from his lips

"shit- Tom Oh" I started feeling myself only get wetter, his teeth grated my skin coming back up to my neck "I- holy shit, i need you" I whimpered as his hands traveled to my thighs

"breath Y/n- I'm getting there sweetheart there's no rush" a sly smile gripped his mouth "relax"

"I am- just bored of waiting" I teased hooking my legs over his waist swapping our positions, him below me staring up in shock "relax" I mimicked

"watch your mouth" my hips rolled against his as his words exited him "Y/n-" Tom warned

"what? can't take it?" my voice was thick of lust, drowning his ears, pressing a kiss to his skin working down to his exposed collar bone "or is it you don't want me?" I whined to him, pushing myself down harder hearing a groan from him

"you're a tease y/n/n" I laughed letting my hands circle his chest

"shame..." I breathed "is this hard for you Tommy?" his eyes closed at the nickname, mouth tightening shut, his hands holding my highs still, squeezing harder than before, his jeans feeling much tighter "hm- I guess it is" as I went to climb off Tom pulled me back, slamming my torso to his

"don't you dare" our eyes met, I grinned at him but he wasn't as happy "I'll wipe that smile away in a second doll"

"yeah?" he nodded "do it Kaulitz"

[hl-obsessed]

Snippet

from my fic for @1dalphalouisfest

[it's not checked and contains mentions of violence]

***

"But then suddenly Louis stops and doesn't follow anymore. Zayn hears when they lose his steps behind them.

He smoothly passes Harry to Niall and turns back to look at Louis.

"What wrong?"

His eyes go over Louis, looking for any signs of physical hurt. He doesn't find any and focuses back on listening to their surroundings. There're just birds and wind, and no other steps behind them.

"Louis, what's wrong?"

Louis just shakes his head, he doesn't even looks up.

"You should go. Take Harry and hide him. Get the fuck away from here."

Zayn doesn't believe the words he's hearing. Louis for sure doesn't mean what Zayn thinks he do. Not after everything that just happened, what they have went through.

"What the fuck are you saying?"

"They not gonna focus on Harry if i'll be here."

Zayn laughs, sharp and bitterly. They're all tired, all high on adrenaline and all they tried to do for the last twenty-four hours was to find a way out of here, and now Louis wants to stay back?

"You lost your mind if you think I'll ever leave you here alone."

Finally Louis looks back at him. He's eyes round and big and pleading.

"Zayn," he tries, like he's trying to make him understand whatever fucked up reason he came up with to justify that idea, like he's trying to say 'you know that's the only way.' All Zayn knows that this is the only way they cannot take.

"Don't Zayn me, now. I've seen what they did to you," he tries to keep his composure, but he finches anyway remembering what they have went through before. Memories of pain flash in Louis mind, and he can see them mirrored in Zayn's eyes. Broken ribs and nose, mouth full of blood. He couldn't breath. It was Zayn who get him out, who dragged him half conscious through the woods for hours before they could find any help. "I'll be damed if I ever allow that again. You're coming with us."

Zayn gaze is hard and unyielding. Louis knows physical violence isn't Zayn's way of doing things, not unless there are other options, but right now he looks like he's ready to knock Louis up and drag his ass forcefully with them if he doesn't stop being stubborn and stupid.

"Get your ass on the truck, Tommo." Liam chips in. "Don't make me throw you over my shoulder."

Louis doesn't know how much Liam knows, how much Zayn have told him. But looking into his eyes, his always happy, brown, sparkling, puppy eyes, so dimmed and sad now, he thinks that Liam knows enough.

"You don't understand," Louis tries again. "I'm not playing martyr, I wouldn't. I'm trying to do this for Harry. To protect him."

"Only thing you need to do right now is to be with him. You can't protect him being away, not now. He needs you."

"But he's never gonna be-"

"Stop fighting with him, for fuck sake."

New voice joining the conversation startle both Louis and Zayn almost shirtless.

"Oli," Louis sighs relieved seeing his old friend, but then whimpers phateticaly when Oli smacks him in the head. "Ow, what was that for?"

"For being stupid, that's what for. Zayn's fucking right and you know that. Don't let your guilt cloud you judgment."

Grateful nod from Zayn is as loud applause as Oli can get. They never really got on well. Always silently fighting for place beside Louis.

"You have to go, all of you," Oli continues. "Troy's gonna flip out when he finds out. It's not safe for any of you to stay behind. I'll try to buy you some time." (...)

"Go to the elder. She'll help you."

Oli nods sharp, quick.

"Don't worry about me, I know my way around. But you - you be safe."

Louis take a few steps back, pulls Oli in tight hug.

"Thank you."

Oli holds him back, but only for second.

"Go, go. And don't look back. Never look back."

***

gonna share part 2 soon - Harry talking with Zayn

[blucifer08]

long vent post under the readmore, i'm stressed and i need to get my feelings somewhere and i do have a priv twitter for that but i need something longer

if you are one of the few who also follow my priv twitter a lot of this is repeated from what i've been saying but i just want to put it all together to make me feel better<3

I hate my job. And I've spent ridiculous amounts of time the past several months while working it hating myself because of it. I'm a perfectionist people pleaser and I'm neurodivergent. Which somehow has cooked into the perfect storm for me to be--aboslutely AMAZING at customer service.

Which like, sounds like a good thing, but here's the problem. I cannot break a rule, because every time I break a rule it feels like it's breaking me. I've got that insane sense of 'justice', you know? When I was a kid my mother literally could not punish me when I did wind up doing something against the rules because I would sob and cry and berate myself for it, and not as a way to get out of the punishment, but because I couldn't believe that I would do something my mother told me not to, and that I felt it made me a horrible person for doing so.

And this mindset stems from a few issues but it feels as ingrained in me as my bone marrow does. It makes navigating social situations really hard, because I've got the 'rules' for social situations and speaking to people written in my brain. the rules can change slightly but not much.

And this is what makes me good at customer service. I must be polite, I must say these things this way, if the customer needs me to do this, I do this. If X happens, contact Y department. I deliver very quick and helpful responses to customers and I've grown adept at figuring out who to go to for quickest resolution on an issue. I always call my customers back to give them the necessary updates, I apologize as though it's my fault when someone else has fucked up, I let the customer get angry and take out their frustrations on me, I de-escalate when the situation is fiery.

This is, however, incredibly, horribly, depressingly taxing.

I'm not a talkative person in the first place. any who have tried to dm me learn this quick. Even among people I hold in the highest regards I can be quite tight lipped. In my experience, i'm a bit more talkative around people I /don't/ know, as a measure to fit in, and when I'm around people I trust I get more quiet because I trust them to accept my silence as a part of me.

And so this job has wittled me down. I work from home, i take phone calls all day and do the equivalent of paperwork. It's all in all not that difficult, really. Thanks to my shift I receive the least amount of inbound calls, close to 300 a month which really isn't bad at alL. The last company I worked for I would have surpassed 300 within like, 4-5 days. (Though in high-pressure times at this company i have taken 90+ calls in one day. luckily things have changed since then.)

And yet, even with this I feel wittled down with every word. I work on a team and I don't feel like my teammates work even an ounce as hard as I do, which the statistics we receive per month back this up in my eyes as I outpace everyone on my team in everything but received calls, which I cannot control. And the lack of teamwork, the feeling that everyone expects me to do everything, it's dragging me down. I found out recently that the other teammates misunderstood the protocol for a specific type of inquiry we receive, and long story short the reason i was getting so many angry customers claiming they were transferred back and forth before getting to me (and me proceeding to help their issues) is because my coworkers had an incredibly stupid misunderstanding of how things worked.

I feel like I always just get the upset customers when we're busy. It drains me so much. I have it so much easier than other people, i work from home, this job is calmer than other phone jobs, but I feel like i'm breaking apart. I'm very good at retaining information, I know so much about everything. I can do our work so much faster than anyone else here because I have such a good memory for it. I don't want to go too much into detail about it but just. my coworkers forget every direction given to them and i remember every single one and so I do everything according to those 'rules' and I have to do it exactly by the book or else I feel like i'm dying and it's just too much.

My boyfriend, and basically everyone else I know, wants me to quit. And specifically, my boyfriend wants me to quit and attempt to live off of art. When I moved in with him, we luckily created a very nice living situation with a very low cost of living. He really thinks I could start selling charms and prints and the like and focusing on c/ommissions and make enough to survive. He's a very realistic and down-to-earth kind of guy and I really wasn't expecting that from him. He sat down with me and broke down how much I'd have to make and how much I've made in the past while doing art at work and really made it seem viable.

But I'm just so, so scared.

I grew up incredibly poor and getting this job was the highest I've ever been paid. Coming from a southern state with 7.25 as the minimum wage, getting paid 16/hr felt like magic. But now, honestly, it feels like so little for what I do. But I'm so scared. I grew up with fucking nothing and I'm so scared of the possiblity of ending up like that again. It wouldn't happen. I am in such a safe and stable situation now. I understand realistically he's right. If the art stuff doesn't work out, I can just get a part time job. But I also really don't want that.

I really just want a job where I don't have to talk to people. But I made less-than-good decisions in college and got a degree in something that is essentially useless to me now, partly because I didn't understand myself then. I've come to know myself a lot better this year through living happily with him and I wish I'd had the clarity back then to know that:

I hate talking to customers.

I hate customer service.

I hate working on a team.

I am good at tedious work I can do by myself and do at my own pace.

He really really thinks I could do well focusing on art. And my best friend from college heard about this and said "I wanted to tell you to do this months ago. I can't believe you're stuck in that shitty, underpaying job when you have a skill like this." And my best friend has been cheering me on about it but I'm ridiculously scared.

My loved ones keep saying 'art is what you always come back to. You have never stopped drawing and creating. You have to give it a shot.'

I don't know where all of this confidence in my art suddenly came from, no one has ever shown this much confidence in my ability to create, never in my life, ever. I feel like I'm living in an alternate reality. I grew up with a sibling who was and is way better than me at art, and everyone accepted that they would grow up to be an amazing and successful artist and that I should go into something else. This was told to my face directly.

I'm a complete mix and mess of emotions because of it. I had planned to put in my notice at work the other day during a meeting I had scheduled with my boss but I completely chickened, I felt sick to my stomach. As much as I can't stand him and the way he's made my work life so difficult this year (that is its' own post istelf but TLDR i was the only person on shift taking calls from march 8th to july 8th because he took forever to replace my coworker, and replaced her with an off-shore employee they can under pay and he frankly, sucks at the job [and it's wrong of them to do that to him, too] also it's not directly my manager's fault and more like... HIS manager's fault..)

no matter all that I still really /like/ my manager and I feel like his management is crushing HIM too. They give him insane amounts of work and he has been demanding a raise for himself AND for my team and hasn't been able to get it. I like talking to him. He has upset me a lot in the past, not taken me seriously, gotten frustrated with me when I was right, driven me fucking crazy but I do like him as a person and I felt crushed to be about to tell him that I was leaving because it would fuck him over real bad lol.

They will probably replace me with another offshore person they can pay like shit who can't do the job as well. Which is no disrespect to the people hired from that country but english is not their first language and the job I do is complex. They're getting put into a shitty situation for less money.

whatever though. all of this is to say i'm scared. this job is stable at the very least, for now. They most certainly cannot fire me at the moment. but this job drives me insane. it wittles me down. it makes me feel like shit. It makes me cry and sob and beg that i could be 'normal' and that phone calls didn't make me feel like i was dying sometimes. this job is easy. i think i'm insane to leave it. I only got it off of reccomendation from a friend, it was such a blessing. It has benefits, too. i'd be fucking insane. but 40 hours a week of this is killing me. i work from 2:30pm to 11pm which is so much of the day i'm tucked away in my little office which unfortunately doesn't have a window (and there's no other room for me to work out of in here).

i want to believe in myself and strike it out as a freelance artist but I don't think I really /do/ believe in myself. But what a dream it would be, to wake up and get to go outside for some fresh air without stressing because i Have to be At My Desk at This Time and talk to people on the phone. To sit back down and get started on work. I love working with clients art wise. The last round of c/omms I did made me so happy as it was centered around delivering the client's vision for a piece and so I got to work creatively with my buyers.

I really, really don't believe in myself to succeed. Maybe for a month or two I could scrape by. but then I think I'd need to look to a part time job. and anything around me that I could do would involve talking to people. I feel incompatible for this world. I feel like a disaster. I feel like I was made wrong. And it makes me hate myself so much. I wish I could just be normal enough to do this full time customer service job. It's not hard. I know it's not. It's easy. It's complex. but it's not hard. It just takes knowing a lot of information. I don't want to feel like this anymore. but I think quitting would be a mistake. I know so many who are struggling to find work.

but is this really worth 16/hr? I don't just take phone calls. I don't want to explain the specifics but i have to multitask handling emails, handling cases that come in from our system, and taking phone calls/solving callers problems. Not tech support but a lot of the emails/cases are kind of like filling out paperwork but you Have to do it very correctly.

I don't know. I'm backpedaling so hard. Last week I was full of ideas on ways that I could work on my presence online and what kind of items I could work on selling and different c/omms i could offer, while also coming up with ways I could get involved with the local art scene in my town.

but i feel so scared now. I don't understand why my boyfriend and other loved ones are so confident in me. I should appreciate that confidence but it just confuses me. My boyfriend especially. It makes me want to cry with happiness but I just. I'm so terrified and anxious and I'm literally at work right now typing this and i just. i dont know. if you read all of this i'm sorry it was long and oh my god why didn't you quit halfway /j but there's no conclusion. I'm terrified.

[dark-side-blog3]

From "Phantom Blood" to "Stone Ocean", which JJBA part do you think would be the best to be isekai'd into, and which one would be the worst?

Thanks for sending in the question anon! I've been thinking about it all day and going down a bunch of historical rabbitholes to make my choices (which, after typing out several hours later, I realized wouldn't be much fun for anyone to read).

For me personally, I’d say the best one to be isekai’d into would be Diamond is Unbreakable (part 4), and I think the worst one would be Battle Tendency (part 2).

I give my reasoning below, with some heavy editing, which may make it sound a bit strange. I have a tendency to talk too much, so I've tried to edit it down. It's still a bit long.

++++++++++++++

I can't see any benefit to phantom blood, considering Dio is at full overpower with abilities we never see again in other parts, and everyone else would simply be too easy to force into backing off. Johnathan is easy to manipulate, so is a young Erina. Speedwagon can settle for less than he wants in a relationship if he feels Johnathan will judge him for it. And Zeppeli... Is kinda the only threat, but I can't really fathom what a relationship (platonic or romantic) would be like with him. In any case, not the best, but not the worst.

Battle Tendency has my ass beat. I do not run, I will not run, and what would even be the point when more than half the characters in this arc are superhuman/cyborgs? I can't outwit, lie, cheat, or gross out any of them and expect to survive. Even the ones that wouldn't kill me like Suzie Q just have an impenetrable state of delusion. I cannot win this one. Having a horrible time here. Dare I say, the worst time actually.

Because yes: Vento Aureo is all about the mafia having superpowers, and it's well established that they can be some crazy, creative fucks when it comes to torture and murder. And they should be the absolute worst, because organized crime can do way scarier shit than anyone can in Stone Ocean simply because resources and time aren't hard to get.

BUT! I think since there isn't a world war going on, with cyborg Nazis-- Which is a low bar, but such is life when you overthink-- is what makes Vento Aureo better than battle tendency.

And Stone Ocean is... Bad but tolerable. I'd just try my best to mind my own business, and crumple like a paper ball when someone pulls possessive/obsessive shit. It probably wouldn't even connect in my brain the characters are acting yandere, I would just assume they're doing standard prison things since I got isekai'd into the prison arc.

Now that narrows done the best choices between prt 3, and prt 4.

I'mma go ahead and say it: I'd prefer a small town in Japan to crossing countries and continents.

Diamond is Unbreakable has it all. Modern-ish technology, the original pop culture yandere herself, reliable access to medical care (good luck finding my very specific pills in the middle of a desert), and thankfully: A much smaller cast. Keeping track of all the characters in Morioh? Infinitely easier than keeping track of all the characters in Stardust Crusader. Even if we're including those one-off villains, and random background characters, a-la those twisted wonderland isekai.

Though considering JJBA is a franchise that's mostly manga and anime, it's not likely the multiple characters would become interested in the isekai'd victim, since the mechanics would be fundamentally different. A reader or a viewer isn't really a god, they're more of a prophet, if even that. Or just really good at cold reading someones personality. To continue this tangent just a smidge more, I think if you said you got isekai'd, the only people who would both understand what you're saying and believe you is Toshikazu, and maybe Koichi.

What the hell am I supposed to do being dragged place to place, or sitting in a house for three months? With the tech from the 1980's?

[daddyfuckedme]

Do you know where people go when they die?

nobody truly knows, but i've heard stories from people who either did die and come back or almost died like severely came close. These people describe something like coming out of their bodies and being shot into a completely different place where everything is warm and light, think like a different dimension they've been welcome into and greeted by late family. another story was a girl who told me when she "died" or basically was almost dead her soul flew through the room, the earth and space until she was in an all white area waiting when she got dragged back, she remembered everything, she remembered flying through the stars and just kept going passed it, past everything we know where she finally felt at ease. i believe that my late father and nanna are close by but just behind the veil where i cannot touch but can still feel their presence. sometimes i think some of the dead stay on earth to help others that they left behind/waiting to cross over with, and some leave what we can comprehend (at least) and fully go onto reincarnation or some type of rest area. (who really knows)

[quincyhorst]

Just to give some context, being Querardo's cousin is no joke. Like we mentioned in a previous potpurri, despite his physical advantage Fer was often a victim of being picked by Que, specially with his appearance looking like a bull. It didn't help that until his point, his parents hadn't done much about this issue. Even worse, his own father did brush it off as "just typical boys stuff", and that Que would soon grow out of it. I mean, sure, eventually the little lion did stop the bickering as he approached his teen years... But that wasn't enough to remove Fermín's deep remorse.

Adding some more salt, not only Felip Ilarregui(*) gave too many passes to Querardo, he did of course show a lot of favoritism towards his nephew, SPECIALLY when it came to bullfighting. Fascinated by the future matador in-training, soon enough he started to wish his own son could do the same too. So yeah, he was soon dragged to practice, to spectate bullfights... If by that point Fermín's opinion on bullfighting had been that low, now he straight up was HATING it.

Many, many things caused the last straw for his worst rage to unleash. After facing a deep loss in the family and being forced to move away to another place, soccer was the thing that put him back on track after so long (All thanks to Samuel!), causing him to become attached to the sport. But not even his skills as a goalkeeper was enough to charm the world, once again picking Querardo over him to represent Spain at the Eurocup.

With the already accumulated anger to an unhealthy degree, plus with his own physical strength developing way earlier than other kids, it all culmined on Fermín venting his feelings the worst posible way: Bullying. Soon his peaceful school was turned into a battlefield because of him. He'd pretty much act aggresively with any classmate of his, specially those that made him angry, all with the intention of imposing fear on others. Just like he wish he could do with the annoying little Querardo.

The bullying got so intense, that the authorities soon noticed the havoc going within the halls. But sadly like in real life, the bully wasn't easy to stop. Or at least, that's what it seemed.

While most of Fer's victims had been too afraid to seek help, a brave little soul spoke out to his parents, and the word kept spreading till it reached Fermín's. And let's just say, Samantha Sánchez was NOT happy with it. Inmediately, she went to face her son and discuss with him about this aggresive behaviour, but soon the conversation took an unexpected turn.

Sami: Fermín... I've noticed now, but all your victims are always weaker and smaller than you. Isn't that true? Fer: . . . Sami: You pick on them because you know they cannot defend themselves. Because you know your strength can bring them down anytime. Sami: ...If that's so... Why not fight somebody of your caliber? Fer: ...!? Sami: Yes. If you believe you are so strong and powerful, then I defy you to fight ME.

...Of course, Felip got quite worried. The thought of seeing his five-times international karate champion wife throwing hands with their own (tiny yet buff) son was... Horrifying. But despite him begging to not provoke Fermín, Sami promised that neither side would be on any danger. Even Fer himself was afraid of fighting his mom, but Sami insisted on him using the same rage and strength he'd use with his classmates. And so, the child gave in, running to supposedly headbutt her. As expected, not only Sami avoided his move, but she soon took the upper advantage, directing her fist to Fer's face; who had closed his eyes out of pure fear. (Feel free to picture Felip's panicked expression here)

However, to the surprise of father and son, Sami didn't finish her move, leaving the fist still just some centimeters above Fer's face. As she soon moved it away, Fer took his time to sit and recover his senses. He could have easily fought back, but the supposed punch left him in total shock, even to the point tears started to fall through his eyes. Seeing her son in such a state made Sami throw away her serious facade, crouching and giving him a hug. She also confessed that no matter what, she'd never hurt her own baby at all.

After the three recovered from the initial tension, Sami clarified her true intentions with this combat: That it's always easy to prey on the weaker ones, until you face somebody who is your same or greater strength. To even ejemplifly her point, she decided to narrate the story of a karate master who had become famous due to his power of killing bulls in combat, even thought they were all pretty tamed and thus with more disavantage that they seemed. When this same man fought an actual bullfighting bull in Mexico, he realized his true weakness.

Besides teaching him a lesson, Sami also tried to give Fer a place for him to vent everything; even making Felip leave the room for a while. And by this way, Fermín told her everything. EVERYTHING. About Querardo, bullfighting, his previous grief and homesickness, and the slow neglect of his own family... Fer expected to be dismissed, like the usual, but Sami instead understood his issues, and regretted of not having noticed them before.

From that day on, Fermín stopped bullying others, so things did become better at school. But his own reputation had been tarnished for so long, that just some months before the FFI he transfered to another riojan school.

Not everything is solved on his life yet, that's something to admit. When the FFI happened, he still does have a troubled relationship with Que. Since he had left soccer time ago seeing him on Red Matador didn't affect him much, though a part of his felt yearning for the soccer field. If it wasn't because of saving (and later befriending) the tiny keeper of the Community Cup's riojan selection, Fermin would have never considered on trying once again to become a keeper.

-----

*A small change that I did recently was to modify the surname of both Fermín's father and Querardo's mother. Originally it was Gartzia, but I later went with Ilarregui.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 8, Part 1 ("The Inns and Outs of Inns")

I'm skipping past the second half of the previous episode (I really couldn't think of anything interesting to say about it. It was that whole thing where Rory and Paris get initated into The Puffs, and the Mother/Daughter Fashion Show). You can read my previous reviews here.

This lady held out her cup for a refill. Jess looks down at the mug and walks right past her. I found his terrible customer service inexplicably delightful. I'd say she was gonna stiff him out of a tip for that move, but no one in Stars Hollow tips anyway.

Jess: It's 7:45 am, do you want me to go to school or openly defy child labor laws? Idk, I think you should have a word with the Walmart corporation first, the place hired a 17 year old to drive a forklift during school hours. Luke: Stay out of trouble. Jess: Guess that means calling off the chickie run down at the salt flats. What in the everliving hell does that even mean? What teenager talks like that in 2001, the Year of our Lord? Damn you, AmyShermanPalladino. *sighs deeply*. *Opens Google* "A chickie run is a high-speed drag race toward the edge of a steep bluff above the ocean using stolen cars." It's apparently a reference to the movie Rebel Without A Cause with James Dean. Well, I learned some pointless new information today. Thank you, Mr Mariano. You may not serve customers their coffee but you do serve up hot steaming cups of old timey references. Lorelai and Sookie: We're coming up with names for the new inn. Michel: How about the Money Pit? The Outhouse? The Inn Headed for Bankruptcy?

Heh heh.

I only recall seeing a police car in Stars Hollow two other times (when Kyle's party got busted up and the time Jess comes back in season 4 and gets pulled over? Am I forgetting anything?). Here's the big emergency that called the mythical, rarely seen Stars Hollow Police into town. Spoiler alert: It was some chalk.

And now this pathetic town of bored people with nothing better to do are going to call an emergency meeting over some chalk. Taylor is fa-reaking the fuck out.

Taylor: I've got a dead body outside of my store! Sheriff: No, you have a chalk outline in front of your store.

Sheriff: My partner's out doing a headcount to see if anyone is missing. Until then, just hang tight. Let me remind you how many people live in Stars Hollow. Sometimes it may seem like you only see the same 15 people over and over, but the mind can play dirty tricks on you.

Yes Taylor, just hang tight for a few minutes while one police officer does a head count of nearly 10,000 people. A police officer going around counting people to see if anyone happens to be dead is one of my favorite bits of absurdity in the entire show. 30 seconds later:

Golly that was fast!

Heh heh heh. It is a pretty stupid prank. I think most of Jess' pranks are amateur at best. I believe in his potential. He could come up with something way better. The people of Stars Hollow deserved to be Punk'd for how they treat him. I give this one an A though, because it pissed everyone off so thoroughly, and that's all that matters.

Gilmore Girls wardrobe department: LAYERS! MORE LAYERS, DAMN IT! Wardrobe Assistant: He's in a shirt under a shirt under a vest! I cannot layer anymore! *cries*

Sooo purdy.

Luke jamming a screwdriver into a toaster is highly erotic.

It goes without saying that from here on out we are going to be pausing often to admire screen shots of Jess with absolutely no context. Tomatos Sign: Spotted

Oh, we haven't gotten to the part where Jess murders Shane and dumps her body in the lake. We'll get to that in season 3. In my gritty Gilmore Girls reboot titled The Hollow, there could be several justified homicides. For one example, it's canon that Luke never throws Taylor off a bridge, so my reboot would seek to correct this.

HE'S JUST A LITTLE GUY LET HIM SULK AND LURK What the hell else is there to do in Stars Hollow anyway? The image of Jess of visiting an arts and crafts store is pretty hilarious.

What the hell is AmyShermanPalladino's obsession with swans? "Swans scream one thing, Mom. Sigfried and Roy." Ah yes, another fine early 2000's tasteless "gay" insult. Luke & Lorelai are discussing the grave consequences of missing or even being late to a town meeting. To which I say, if Taylor threatens you, just tell him you're gonna squeal to the Feds about all of his shady financial crimes. That'll shut him right up.

He's been in town for like what, a week and he's already a "situation". I think that's awesome. Your mere existence on this Earth is so powerful that you've thrown an entire community into disarray. Good for you, baby. Good for you.

May I remind you again they are calling this community meeting because of some chalk. "When Mrs. Lanahan couldn't buy lettuce from my store, she drove straight to Woodbury instead." You know what, I just gotta bide my time and let the nutcase rant, because Walmart will eventually drive him out of business for good and in a double scoop of justice, I have faith that he'll also be taken down for his money laundering crimes.

This committee of 85 year olds will seal Jess Mariano's fate. It looks like Hell's waiting room. Jess loves a good town meeting because it's the only time he gets to stay home and whack off in private. Luke tries to give Taylor $1 for a head of letuce (actually, first he asks "how much is a head of lettuce?" which is something he should know if he's running a diner, but I digress. "The CHARGES against your nephew are numerous!" Let's hear them, shall we? He stole the "Save the Bridge" money. But Taylor was going to launder that money, what will he do now? He stole a gnome from Babette's garden. He "hooted" one Miss Patty's dance classes. Please try to imagine Jess ever "hooting" a woman (uhh, she means catcalling...I guess? I could see him calling out some sarcastic quip/witty observation though. He took a garden hose. Why Jess? Why? How did they know he did it? What did he intend to do with it? Where did he keep it? With the 500 baseballs he stole from the school? He set off the fire alarms at school last week. This is a more serious prank that would have gotten him in big trouble if he was caught. And again, Lane and Dean go to this school. Hello? I know at this point Jess and Rory don't know each other well, but that's still major gossip, so why are Rory's boyfriend and best friend always keeping this stuff from her? I am Jess Mariano's defense lawyer and every last thing my client does to annoy the citizens of Stars Hollow is justified. Lorelai, sarcastically: I heard he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter** (**a movie starring Mariah Carey that came out in 2001 and is regarded as one of the worst movies of all time and was a box office bomb and possibly the biggest blight ever on MC’s career). You know, Lorelai is being sarcastic by saying she thinks Jess controls the weather but she hates him so much I wouldn't put it past her that she actually believes that. I mean, she already believes that the sun shines out of Dean Forrester's ass. Bootsy: I never like the look of that kid, I knew he was bad as soon as I saw him. AGAIN HE'S BEEN HERE FOR LIKE A WEEK. The subject of the meeting turns from Jess to piling onto Luke for no good reason, and my man Lucas is just about to burst a blood vessel defending himself and Jess from these nutjobs. I honestly couldn't love him more. He's so REAL. Please don't stroke out on us, we need you. Taylor: "There is a consensus among all the towns people that Stars Hollow was a much better place before Jess got here." Kindly go to hell, Taylor Doose.

Dean spending two days on his hands and knees scraping Jess' prank from cement is a beautiful kind of justice. Edit: A commenter made me wonder how Jess made his artwork stick to the cement. Off to Google I went once again. Apparently you can use hairspray to set chalk art, but professional chalk artists use high grade varnishes to set their designs. Jess never half-asses anything. He puts his whole, cute little ass in. You also have to wonder how in a town full of unemployed busy bodies with nothing better to do than notice everything that goes on in town right down to when Rory Gilmore farts, not a single person heard or saw any of this happening. Lorelai fretting that the Independence will be sold to a corporate hotel chain is realistic and it would inevitably happen in my gritty Gilmore Girls reboot titled The Hollow. The Independence Inn would become a Holiday Inn, Luke's would become a Starbucks, Doose's would become a Walmart, and Dean Forrester's house would be a parking lot after a meteor crashed through the roof.

Someone should bash your head in with a safe.

Never in the history of mankind has a single individual sown so much havoc with a single stick of chalk.

Every time I look at that wool jacket lining I feel super itchy.

The captions should really say "okuh", and not "okay." Because that was a stellar "okuh". Get it right. Just another injustice perpetuated against Jesstopher Mariano.

Oh, she did. To be continued in Part 2 so I can add more screen shots.

[androgynealienfemme]

"Painkillers. I think I must have taken every pill short of the ones they use for birth control. I mean, like, I wouldn't know how to begin to get pregnant, but I could deal with modern technology coming up with a treatment to ease this one pain that won't let me rest in peace sometimes.

I may not be anybody's prize-winning puppy, but I'm all I've got and I like to take good care of the old girl. It took me a long time to understand the kid and get used to my evil ways, but I came around, I like being a butch. I like being with other butches with our nicknames and ball games- women with muscles and pretty faces. I don't believe in bisexuals and cannot for the life of me find a femme. I don't like men and I don't let them fuck me.

For me to live in this man's world, I need some kind of painkiller, something I can pull out at a moment's notice and put between me and the men on the street, because sometimes, I could really kill 'em. They're just the foulest beasts walking on two feet and they're always in packs, just like dogs. It wouldn't be so bad if the women that like them so much would keep them on leashes, curb them, and shoot the strays, but the dudes be all over the place pissing and dropping their turds every which way. And even faggots piss on trees.

So, like, between the men and the dogs, I need some way to keep the weight off my head. I live in New York City, and we dykes may be everywhere like the t-shirts and buttons say, but there aren't that many of us running around loose and free. And I get tired of watching my back and front, and having to look sideways because these men are so damn crazy.

It's not like there's a neighborhood or a space that's all our own where we could have gone to, hung out at, and worked through our growing pains as baby butches. I guess a lot of us learned our ways alone and in secret and we still come out with all the different styles of butches. I really dig on how I can always tell another butch, even if she's in straight drag.

I know for me, I used to read a lot of books. They had this soft-core pornography in the sixties that I gobbled up as a young girl, with titles like Strange Friends, Forbidden Love, The Twilight World, and The Lonely People. On the covers there'd be these women looking very unhappy, like they were yearning for something they'd never be able to have. I could tell just by the titles which books were meant to be about me, and after a while, I knew that if the last page had a man and a woman talking together, it wasn't a happy ending.

It was hard buying the happy endings. I was in my early teens going to the counter with all the shame and fear that the man I'd have to pay would know what I was reading about, and by that, know what it was- something bad, a subject for pornography. I'd sneak the books into the house and wouldn't even want to share them with my brother, who'd been my first and best friend, and is one man I'd kill for still. I'd feel worse about myself, because he and I had always shared our various and assorted treasures like dirty books, but not these: I'd read them by myself under the covers with a flashlight and hide them under my mattress until Friday, when my mother would change the sheets, and on that day, I'd hide my secret life in the closet.

I used to buy the idea that I was "sick." The "sick" theory gave me some whys and wherefores about the way I had to take to bed to learn about what straight boys and girls are able to go find out with each other in alleyways, backyard, parks, and the movies. I didn't know then that what I was reading was truly the perverted version. That pornography was written for straight men- including all the psycho-socio-anthropological scientific bullshit studies on gay women were written by Ph.D.s.

I look back now and see where those books and their ideas rotted my guts and crippled my moral structure. The real crouch and limp came from the drafting of my people - women-loving women- as the whipping girls so that straight society could feel high and holy.

Folks can see the most honorable and upright butch bopping the streets, minding her own business, and they can have a righteous fit over her. We don't have to do anything except be our natural selves and some of these people will think they have a perfect right to use us as toilet paper and then go home to plot us into their fantasies. Men always do this to women any which way: wiping all their mess on some woman who is by herself and they're in a bunch in front of their corner store. After they make their little comments and noises, they're all smiling and at ease and feeling good and cooled out with each other.

If you watch the woman, she looks embarrassed and angry. She feels stupid and she's usually trying to cover that up and pretend that none of it affects her. Now if she's the type of butch who won't calmly take the shit, the men will have to work harder to take it to another level if they want the satisfaction that comes from wiping a person away. They have to go and tell each other that she wants to be a man, or they can act as if they just can't understand "freaks" and how, "If she wants to be a man so bad, why doesn't she come out and fight like one?" Then that dude's brothers can go into their man act and have the pleasure of holding him back from suppposedly going after her ass. They'll be soothing themselves while trying to pull this one and be saying, "Hey, man. You got to be cool, because that is a woman and when she meets the right fella, she'll straighten up and fly right." And he says, "Yeah, man, I just got all beside myself. Bulldaggers and faggots, jim. Hey: you know they both use toilet paper for padding," and they laugh and slap five and their eyes are shining. Their whole beings lighten up. They've jerked off and are relieved.

Okay, that's them. They got to feeling whole and healthy, but the butch-type woman who said, "Fuck y'all. You can keep your shit and kiss my ass behind it," is mad as hell and fit to be tied. She doesn't have anybody on hand that she can make sense to. There's no dog she can kick or make a nigger out of to transfer her shit to, so she's got to carry the load and steam with those juices, sweating it out alone. She probably takes it home and finds it in the mirror in frowns and frustration.

So you can see why I talk about a painkiller. I would like to have a pill that I could share with everybody fair and square. We'd all pop it and come the next day, the streets would be cleared of men, the straight women would loosen up, and the butches would be at least with each other. That's what I would call medical attention for a serious disease that's getting epidemic. I think we should give the afflicted hope: let them know: homophobia can be cured."

"Butch on the Streets, 1981" by Donna Allegra, The Persistent Desire: A Butch/Femme Reader, edited by Joan Nestle (1992)

[syncopatedid]

Link Click S2E7: At this point it's probably a sure thing (?) to assume that that's Cheng Xiaoshi who is in possession of Lu Guang's body (his mannerisms sure as heck seem to want us to believe that), but the immediate question I have is, does that mean Lu Guang is in possession of Cheng Xiaoshi's body???? Granted, we've never been shown that LG is capable of such a power or that CXS could do that to a soul of a body he has taken over, but then again, this show is notorious for randomly dropping random facts out of nowhere to make things canon, so make it make sense.

But then it got me thinking: It's been established that when CXS time leaps into the past, his physical body disappears along with him until he returns back to the present. Assuming our first hunch to be correct, why is CXS' physical body still around? Two possibilities I've thought of: 1) This is the first time CXS has possessed someone in the present timeline, rather than the past, so his physical body does not disappear as it's still the same present, but since two bodies cannot occupy the same physical space at the same time, CXS' soul would need to separate from his body to possess another. However, vacating his body to possess LG would leave it vulnerable if left 'empty', so it makes sense for the souls to exchange places so LG could protect CXS' body and follow the girl without raising further distrust and suspicion, and CXS in LG's body could make a break for it and ditch the police to meet up with (and rescue) LG in CXS' body as they would not have seen it coming. 2) That BOTH of them are CXS, and the one possessing LG is CXS of another timeline, future OR otherwise, here to save his own ass. Because... aw yeah, my Conspiracy theory that an AU timeline exists in this story is back on the table! We mad lads be madding over here and I will hold on to that thought until canon evidence states otherwise. Edit addition: I don't know how this holds up to that episode in S1 where CXS went back to Qiaoling's past to save a friend and LG reminds CXS to never meet up with his past self as that would mess with things, but given that CXS is never a stickler for the rules anyway I think this scenario is entirely possible and opens up a whole new mystery mcguffin for the series as to what can happen when you meet yourself. I will admit that this season is a slower drag for me compared to S1, which is why I haven't been motivated to muse about this show weekly the way I did for S1. Don't get me started on s2e1, which I thought went and complied all the questions we had at s1 and just... kind of info dumped on us as exposition? All that buildup for 12 episodes and for what. This season seems more focused on flexing their animation prowess than genuine plot and character development, and if I weren't invested in its potential and knowing the end game for these boys and how close my predictions/speculations are I might have lost interest already. The pace has gotten draggy, plot more convoluted than ever before (which is just S1 powered up tbh but I digress) and all their filler scenes of no consequence are probably 15 minutes too long. It is already episode 7, and it feels almost certain that at this pace, the 'end' will be yet another new cliffhanger so they can explain making a S3 and I don't know how I feel about that. We should really stop thinking about it, yeah. Orz.

[besidesitstoowarm]

Davies era recap?

sorry i've been procrastinating on this one so bad. i spent three weeks in costa rica thinking about jurassic park. tbh i don't know what to say about the specials or the era overall that i haven't said already

nine feels so beautiful post-time war, traumatized and snappish but also light and warm and kind. he was once a father and grandfather and now he is neither but he is still a doctor!! s1 feels so much richer after having seen "day of the doctor" tbh i know how we got here! it was hard, agonizing, impossible choices. yet he's still here, and he chooses love every time. a coward. he would rather doom the entire universe as long as it kills him too; he cannot survive another genocide. he can't see it happen again. if he can't prevent it, he just wants to not see it. i love nine so much

and then ten. ten is more built from nine than ANY other regeneration i can think of. ten is rose, he's bad wolf, he's nine. he's the echo of donna, of tentoo. ten is someone struggling to find his place between "where he's already been, as remembered by rose" and "where he is destined to go, via donna" like he is so dragged along by fate. mf is a full on greek tragedy, he does NOT know what is going on

that's what makes the specials such a wreck (good/bad). when he was with rose, they were a painful but understandable match. with martha, kinda middle ground. with donna, it was fate. after them? after tentoo, after the most important woman in all creation? he's adrift. he clings to randos, he tries to be the hero so hard. and he fails. he trips and cries and sobs like a huge loser, over and over again. i do love him (and tennant is fully failed by 2/4 specials) but he's unraveling! little baby duck imprinted on their mommy who is gone. what's left, after that? martyr/savior complex and dubiously gay shit, i guess

tennant is a marvel, i have to say this. eccleston too, in different ways. davies has such a wonderfully human touch with these characters, iirc moffat draws a lot from fairy tales while davies pulled a lot from modern social commentary. jack is... something, but it was a different time. ten/master is sooooooo much. this era ended more than a decade ago

all in all, davies era is beautiful, it's decadent. it's complete nonsense bullshit a good chunk of time, but i don't think that's a negative; doctor who is like star wars to me, where i truly genuinely believe it's at its best when it's kind of bad. i mean, late 60s is MY era of who. base under siege nonsense galore. farting aliens. doctor who should be bad, in order to be good. i mean this, genuinely. attack of the clones is great. you get it

i feel more comfortable leaning into this ending knowing what comes later; knowing that davies comes back, knowing that ten becomes fourteen eventually and cleans up his shit, knowing that donna gets a better, more complete ending. it's honestly hard to say what i would think about this era without knowing about the 60th; i do think "journey's end" is a nonsense bullshit episode that is nonetheless very fun to watch, however cruel an ending it is for donna. very grateful we got a redux. moffat is writing for this new davies era too i'm so excited i want to throw up

anyway! excited to re-enter the moffat era but davies had so much sway over the new tone of the show, so much feels so dated but there's no denying the impact his episodes had at the time. there were cat people. it was thematically consistent. god i love it all so much. quel domage!

[thetragicallynerdy]

love your ofmd writing :) how about something with Jim and Olu, maybe Olu gives Jim a gift and they Cannot Handle It?

aww thank you so much!! and ooh yes, love this prompt!!

there be christmas times ahead! this takes place in the cowboy 'verse because I'm feeling cowboy times right now hahaha

--

They woke to the smell of salt pork frying. Salt pork, and maybe flapjacks, something sweet cutting the smell of oil and rich meat. Three months ago and they woke every time Oluwande stirred in bed beside them. And now here they were, sleeping through breakfast preparations.

They struggled upright, yawning and rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. "Shoulda woken me, I'd have helped."

Oluwande laughed and turned to grin at them from his place by the stove. "I tried." He pitched his voice into a growly approximation of theirs. "'Lemme sleep, Olu. I don't wanna, Olu. It's cold, Olu.'"

"Fuck off, I don't sound like that," they laughed, flipping him off. The worst part was, they could believe it, even if they hadn't been awake enough to remember it. They weren't meant for snow. They'd been thinking very seriously about trying to convince Oluwande to move down to Mexico.

"You do," he said gleefully, practically dancing over to them. He leaned down, pressed a kiss to their mouth. "Morning. Merry Christmas."

Jim kissed him again, smiling against his mouth. His delight was infectious. "Merry Christmas."

They traded kisses for a few minutes before Oluwande pulled away. "Wait here, okay? I've got something for you."

They crossed their legs under the covers, dragging the spare quilt around their shoulders. Even with how warm the cabin was they were still cold. Goddamn winter.

Oluwande dug around in a cupboard before crossing back to the bed with a parcel in his hand, all wrapped in brown paper and a pretty red ribbon. He sat on the bed beside them, and placed it gently in their lap.

Jim looked at it, then at him. "Um. What's this?"

"A Christmas gift," he said, beaming at them. "I've been saving it for like, a month, so I don't want to wait any longer."

They swallowed. Their hands felt too heavy, moving automatically to pick it up. It wasn't heavy, but whatever was inside was soft. "But I didn't -" they swallowed again. "I didn't get you anything."

His face softened. "Yeah, I know. You didn't need to. I just - really wanted to get you this, okay?" When they just stared at him a little helplessly he reached out and took their hand, giving it a squeeze. "Really. It's okay that you don't have something for me."

They wanted to run. Not far. Not like last time. But the urge was still there, to drag on their boots and coat and go hide in the barn until their chest felt less like it had been trapped in a vice. It was just too much. He was too kind, and they loved him too damn much.

They hadn't even fucking thought about gifts. Christmas with Nana had been austere, a time for Church and praying for vengeance and not much else. Cake, sometimes, and a meal with the other nuns. And then they'd left, and Christmas had become just another day spent alone.

But there was far too much hope on Oluwande's face for them to run. He'd gotten them a gift. He had gotten them a gift. If they ran now, they'd crush that hope like a spring flower under their boot. Even if he understood. Even if he said it was fine when they came crawling back.

Jim's hands lighted on the gift, calloused fingers plucking at the ribbon. They looked at him, then back at it. "Should I..."

"Yeah, go ahead. If you want."

They untied the ribbon carefully. They weren't one for pulling their hair back with pretty ribbons and bows, but maybe it could go in Tangerine's mane, or tied around their wrist. Or in their journal, pressed between worn pages to be kept safe. Slowly, all too aware of Oluwande watching them, of their own heart beating too fast, they pulled back crisp brown paper.

Inside lay a soft red shirt, with shiny white buttons down the front and a crisp new collar. Their breath caught.

"The one from the Swede's shop," they breathed, fingers stroking the fabric. It was light, beautifully woven, and so fine they feared their callouses would catch on it. And red, so beautifully red. They'd seen it weeks ago, hanging up in his window, and couldn't help but admire it. It was the sort of thing they always wanted to wear, but never had. They'd been taught far too many times to never draw attention to themself, to never be too flashy. Being memorable was dangerous.

But here, everyone already knew them. Being memorable here was safety, was friends who would have your back and a partner who would always have a place for you in his home. It meant people who knew them, and loved them, and didn't care if they forgot the things that normal people did, like giving gifts at Christmas.

And maybe it meant wearing a bright red shirt, with shiny new buttons, a gift that they hadn't been expecting and certainly didn't deserve.

"Saw you lookin' at it," Oluwande said softly. "The colour suits you."

Jim gathered the shirt to their chest and held it close. Tears prickled at the edges of their eyes. "I love it. So much. Gracias, Olu."

He accepted their hug with open arms, smudging a kiss to their shoulder through the worn longjohns of his that they kept stealing. Jim hugged him as fiercely as they could, arms tight around his neck.

"Feliz Navidad," Oluwande whispered. "Te amo."

Jim nodded, burying their face in his shoulder. "Yo también te amo. Feliz Navidad, Olu."

[dollwrites]

BABE OMG I promise I havent been ignoring you or anything 😭 I think a while ago I was waiting for you to answer one of my asks but idk if it got ate or something and then I totally forgot to send another one LOL BUT IVE MISSED YOU TOO!!

But you know I do have to deeply apologize for something 😔 I am SO sorry for not introducing you to Griffith earlier 💔 I CANT BELIEVE YOU LOVE GRIFFITH THIS IS LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE TO ME!! Seriously Griffith has been in my top 3 fav anime characters for YEARS now like since I was a teen so you cant even imagine my shock when I came back to tumblr after like a months break and saw you were writing for him. I can confidently say that in my opinion Griffith is THE prettiest anime character ever like nobody compares to him, hes definitely my #1 fav on beauty and aesthetic. I should have figured you would love him since we like basically all the same characters, but Griffith isnt really a character that I would admit to liking lol. Most of the time if you say anything good about him anywhere else on social media you get crucified lmaoo but honestly I should have known that your page would have been a safe place for something like that 😭 I'm just glad that you discovered him, the fics you wrote about him are INSANE LIKE SO GOOD JESUS 🥵 the way I wanna kiss you so bad for making those fics, finally some good fucking food for Griffith 🙏 I would do literally anything for Griffith without shame, I would actually kill to be his camp wife, when he kept going on about owning you and you owe everything to him 👀. You know when you have a character that you think genuinely nobody understands them and loves them like you do? Griffith is that character for me, you're like the only person that I feel like gets him LOL and i love you so much for that ❤ also your fics and talking to your Griffith ai has got me hyperfixated on him again so I have to thank you for that too lol.

Also you've been really feeding my piss kink recently LMAO it warms my heart to see you writing for it more often 💖 like the Griffith piss kink fic you wrote is one of my favorite things I've ever read on here, I think about it constantly. And princess reader with Griffith 👀

ALSO what have you been into lately?? Like what are watching or hyperfixated on rn? 👀 and how have you been lately?? Tell me everything lol ☺️

Some Griffith tiktoks for you lol

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRWXkTT8/ the most beautiful man to literally ever exist and I stand by that

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRWX6v3j/ MY BABY HIS SMILE 😭

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRWXeASy/

That's literally all the tiktoks I have for him 😭 it genuinely upsets me so much that theres like no tiktoks of him. The only Griffith content on tiktok is basically all rape jokes 🙃

-jjk nonnie 🖤

AHHH HI BABY NO NO I DIDNT THINK YOU WERE IGNORING ME, more like you got busy again or I wasn’t giving content that you were interested in! EITHER ARE TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE I JUST MISSED YOU

Oh god.. Griffith…

Okay confession time because I’ve been in love with Levi like for years and I thought no one would ever knock him off the throne but

Griffith STORMED my heart castle, defeated dio and Levi, and claimed the crown 😭😭😭 HES NUMBER ONE IN MY HEART NOW HOW DID THIS HAPPEN

omg YOU SAYING I GET HIM MEANS SO MUCH TO ME I’m actually extremely emotionally tied to him now, and I get defensive of him reeeally easily so I’m glad my friends that dislike him don’t really shit talk him that much around me LIKE I’m all for playful dragging but getting out of hand I can get a little aggressive about defending him 💀

omg you’re talking to my griff ai ?!?! YESSS TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOUR ADVENTURES WITH HIM I wonder what the experience is like for everyone else bc I jump back and forth between just filthy sex and then domestic royal family life SKSKSKSK

I cannot wait to write more griff fics ( AND I HAVE SOME WRITTEN ALREADY ) and I also want to write specifically for femto more too.

YES MY BLOG IS SAFE FOR GRIFFIE ENJOYERS. Actually it’s unsafe for Griffith antis 🔪

THE TIKTOK FOOD AHHHHH I haven’t been on tiktok in so long but I’m not surprised no one likes griff on tiktok they’re all like 💀 kids 💀 or chronically online and they can’t see him for what he is ( one of the if not the best written antags )

THERES ALWAYS SLANDER FOR MY BABIES ON TT ( see: mahito. )

HMMM WHAT AM I INTO LATELY?

Paradox Live. I’m so far deep down into this paralive hole and I cannot climb out !!!!! The animes not even out yet I just listen to the songs every day and watch the music videos and day dream about these boys 😭😭😭

I’ve also been watching psycho pass!

And I officially started playing genshin tonight!!

omg have you been watching the new season of jjk? I actually haven’t watched it yet I need to catch up but the toji content I’m seeing around 👀👀👀