#I can't tell y'all how grateful I am to find a place that I get to share it with

[theanonymousninja247]

Pretty Random Turtle Thunks:

Christmas Gifts

Just some silly HC ideas on what I would get the Bayverse Boys for Christmas with all the money I got from working overtime during the holidays:

(for all the folks who do overtime in any form or fashion, y'all are my heroes. Thank you 🙏🏼🧡🫡)

Rating: Milk (This one’s for everyone!)

Leo: Cordless Vaccum with Additional Brushes

Hear me out. HC Leo has pretty bad OCD/ Anxiety. (feel free to ask me questions on why I think this; short story, man folds his arms and does his little nervous foot-tapping dance thing) It doesn't necessarily always look like that because he's worked on shoving it so far down (the emotionally constipated turtle he is) that its one of the reasons he can tend to be a bit…well…high strung. All that chaos, the responsibility, the weight that is contained his mind can be a bit maddening and one of the ways he works through it or tries to redirect that nervous energy is through cleaning. It gives him something he can do and see an immediate result to. Leo’s also a meticulous perfectionist, so what better to get him for Christmas than something that will allow him to clean every nook and cranny he can without being hindered; finally putting that pent up energy into something useful. Clean, orderly, and sensible. Because even if the rest of the world is crazy, doesn't mean his mind or his home should be. Well…or at the very least his room. Everything in place as all good things should be. At least that how it feels being with you 😉💙

Donnie: Hand Massager

Something cheesy I know I know. But think about it. Donnie has spent practically his entire life building gadgets and gizmos that help other people. Sure, there's the occasional more specific stuff for him and his brothers, but I don't think he really thinks all that much about building stuff to specifically help himself. You know this turtle gets on that one track mindset waaaaay too often and struggles with taking care of himself. Especially his hands. His hands are his livelihood. His chance to express himself when sometimes emotions and words cannot. I just think Donnie deserves a little break and to put some TLC into the hands that so often reach out to others. Donnie deserves to know that he's worth taking care of himself too. And the best part is if he doesn't like it, he can always tinker with it to make it better. Because that's what Donnie does, makes the world better by being himself and of course, being with you. 😉💜

Raph: Minky Couture Blanket

A blanket? Really? I know what y'all are thinking but hear me out. Raph is a our big boy. The protector. The muscle. The hard headed bruiser who's always on the front lines taking every hit so his family and the rest of the world doesn't have to. He takes the hits because he knows he can handle it and give it right back. That's what he's good at, and he's proud of it. But its not easy. It hurts. And I imagine it can get rather exhausting. Sometimes I think Raph forgets that his heart is a muscle too and it needs to be taken care of just like the rest of the muscles that he puts so much effort into. These blankets are by far the softest that I have EVER had the privilege of touching. Silky smooth to the the touch AND THEY CAN COME WEIGHTED TOO! I think Raph deserves something warm and soft (I HC that he's super touch and texture sensitive) to come home to after fighting in this cold hard world. (A blanket will do. At least until he has you 😉❤️)

Mikey: Thyme and Table Black and Gold Cookset

I’ve always loved the thought that Mikey was the biggest foodie in the family which honestly makes sense. Because what better way to bring people together, no matter who they are, than the ultimate connector that is the love of food? Mikey loves people and he loves expressing himself. What better way than doing that through magic that is cooking?! I want to get him this set because it looks super classy (and I think Mikey needs a reminder every once in a while that he can be cool and chic just like the rest of his bros. That he isn't always just the goof and the brunt of the joke) Mikey, like anything in black and gold, is a statement piece that deserves his own chance to shine! Also with it being speckled, it looks clean while being dirty too. The mess in a masterpiece if you will.

Just like our Mikey!

And you bet your bottom dollar that he is gonna to LOVE trying to make some magic for you😉🧡

Splinter: Lego Tranquil Garden

Splinter is a part of this family and deserves something nice too! My favorite thing is surprising older folks with something considered “childish” and watching them have a chance to explore their inner child once again. Not to mention these lego sets are basically just 3D puzzles and old folks love puzzles! Because puzzles are just workouts for the brain! (at least that's what my grandma keeps telling me) And I think Master Splinter would like to have something fun to work on while his boys are always out saving the world. You know, a little piece of serenity that never fades away (because plastic is eternal and what not) in the crazy world that he gets to call home with his sons. 🤎

[tremendouscreationperson]

Logan x Reader pt.2

So I truly didn't think that many people would like this but thank y'all so much, genuinely

The reader is unfortunately no longer GN, they are referred to as 'mom' but otherwise fairly neutral

There is blood/sort of self harm imagery in this one but it ISNT SELF HARM I promise! Make sure you only read if you're comfortable though!!!

<< Part 1 Part 3 >> Masterlist

Waking up next to him was pretty surreal. Mostly because of how relaxing it actually was. His chest pillowed your head and one of his arms was around your back, playing with your hair. He smelt fucking amazing.

You lifted your head and looked down at him, images of last night flashing behind your eyes. It had actually been pretty funny to begin with, neither of you could work out how to get the other out of their suits, ending in you both giggling and undressing yourselves. He was out of his suit lightning quick - you're surprised it is still intact - and immediately found his way back to you. Kissing your neck and you struggled to remove your shoes.

“I promise this isn't some elaborate plot to turn you off.” You laughed as your foot was finally free of the blasted shoe.

He merely hummed, breath fanning your neck as he slowly bit down. Your brain short-circuited and it took a full shaky breath for you to be back in the room and removing the spandex.

His face was calm, relaxed, and he gifted you a small smile.

“Hey.”

You grinned back. “Hi.”

“It's still pretty early.” He wiggled his brows.

Your cheeks warmed and, in a move that probably wasn't wise, you hid your face in his chest. “No. We have to get ready.”

His chest rumbled with his chuckle and you groaned, placing playful kisses on his pecs.

“C’mon, baby.” He pulled you up to his lips and kissed you slow. Taking his time with a leisurely pace.

You kissed him back before nipping his bottom lip, knowing it would drive him crazy, and pulling back. “Stop." Kiss. "It's a big day." Kiss. "I gotta make sure Laura eats.”

Confusion splattered across his features but he slowly released you. A fact that you were grateful for because you don't think you could've rebuked him another time.

You eased yourself up, still a little sleepy and a little sore before stretching fully. His eyes watched your naked body shamelessly and you turned to locate your suit.

“What is that?” His expression was stony.

You turned around to catch what he had seen and couldn't find anything. “Was it a spider or something?”

“No, what is that?” He pointed at you.

There better not be a fucking spider on me. You looked down, scared, to see nothing. Just yourself, naked as the day you were born. “I'm still confused.”

“That fucking scar on your back."

Ah.

Shit.

He hadn't seen it last night because he had you laid on your back for the majority of it.

“Oh. That scar.” You played it off. “It's nothing real-”

“Did I do that?”

“No. It wasn't you.” You bit your cheek. “It was a version of you.”

“Wh-”

“Lo.” You stopped him before he could spiral, placing a hand on his cheek. “Nothing happened that I couldn't handle. He just got lucky and unlike you I can't heal everything so unfortunately I have claw marks. But I am alive and safe and you are not to blame.”

He looked like he was about to argue but a knock at the door stopped that.

“Guys, are ya decent?” Wade asked in a sing-song voice.

Not really. “You okay?” You called back.

“Yeah, I'm here to tell you to hurry up because Maya doesn't know how to end this part.”

Who the fuck was Maya? “O-okay?”

“See ya soon!”

Logan didn't look like he wanted to move. He was content with staying here and blaming himself for something that he didn't do.

“Look, Logan, if he is awake they all are. It's time to go.”

He had to agree with you there.

~~

Logan entered the main living space and was unsurprised to see everyone else there. Gambit was sitting with Elektra talking strategy, Blade was kneeling spinning his weapon and psyching himself up, Deadpool copying every move he made and you were braiding Laura's hair.

“At least they won't be able to grab your hair, lovely.” You kissed her crown as you finished, tying it off with a small piece of fabric. She smiled and scooped a handful of dry cereal into her mouth. “Make sure you have some fruit, please.” The girl rolled her eyes but did take a piece of fruit from the can by your feet. “Good girl.”

Laura would never tell anyone but she loved praise from you. You were her favourite person and for you to tell her she was doing good meant the world. She liked to be strong and fierce but secretly she loved when you babied her.

“You her mom or something?” Logan asked. He didn't mean for it to sound so insulting. Every set of eyes turned to him, their judgement sitting heavily on his shoulders.

Wade even piped up, “What in the ever loving fuck?”

You looked up shocked and a little embarrassed. “No, of course not. But it's good to keep her safe and s-she needs a balanced diet, so I try to... provide one.” Oh, god. You sounded crazy. Your gaze fell to Laura who was staring right back at you. “Sorry. I guess I have been acting like your.. I know you have parents and I know I'm not- I’m sorry.”

“I don't have any parents.” She clarified.

That didn't hurt, per se, but it didn't feel good.

“‘course you do.” El called over. “She just braided your hair.”

Laura smiled and leant further into you, you hugged her back and handed the can of fruit to her. “Have you packed your things?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. Her ‘things’ were her comics and a pair of sunglasses. The light was far too bright for her eyes and they were a blessing in this wasteland.

“That's good.” You smiled as she stood up and walked through Wolverine, clipping his shoulder with her own.

Gambit asked Laura to help him in the other room. Everyone in your party knew it was a distraction so that Blade could feed. It was your turn and you knew it would go over swimmingly with the man that just insulted you.

“I didn't mean-”

“It's fine.” You stood and made your way over to the Daywalker. “You ready?”

“I hate this.” He clasped your arm and you helped him to his feet.

Wade reached his arm out and you obliged, pulling him up too. He bounced happily on his toes and hugged you. “You can be my mom any time.”

“Sure thing.” You chuckled.

“Where are you going?” Logan asked. He was just stood awkwardly where he had stopped in front of you and Laura.

“To feed Blade.”

“Feed him?”

Blade sneered, revealing his fangs. “I used to have a friend that helped my hunger. Now I'm here.”

“We all pitch in.” Elektra continued. “Take turns.”

Wade fanned himself, “he bites you? Kinky bitch.”

“No,” You shook your head. “I cut myself and pour an amount into a glass, we have a measuring line. It's a very well thought out system.”

“Cut yourself.” Logan's stony expression hadn't quite left from earlier but was back in full force now.

“It might sound strange to you but it's a good system.” You defended it. “We try to shield little Laura, we all take turns, it's fair. The only victim is Blade! He hates it!”

Blade, who had stayed quiet, nodded. He was embarrassed to ask anything like this, he hated that he was a Dhampir. His mother had died because of a selfish Vampire and said being cursed him, he swore to rid the world of them and here he was. No better than those he hunted.

“I'll do it.” Logan volunteered. “I heal so I'll do it.”

“You don't have t-”

“I'll do it.” He was firm but then spoke lowly. “I don't want any more scars on you.”

You sighed but agreed, half hating and half loving him.

“Come on then.” You ushered them both into the makeshift kitchen.

Deadpool followed watching with wide eyes.

Blade hung back as you got the glass, it had been scratched halfway to indicate the measurement.

“That's a lot of blood.” Logan's tone was accusatory.

“Every other day.” Blade informed, emotionless.

Logan was quick to yank off a glove and cut a quick slice on his hand. The hand had so many veins that he was sure it would take seconds to fill the cup. Except, he healed before he could fill it a quarter of the way.

He repeated his actions and the cut seemed to heal faster.

“This is embarrassing.” Wade ‘whispered’.

“Shut up.” Logan growled as he did it again and finally got just under the mark. “Is that enough?”

“Not quite-”

Blade agreed to stop this painful display. “It'll do.”

“Blade, we have a big fight coming up, you'll need all your strength.”

“It's okay, I'll be good.” He picked the glass up and took long thick swallows, hating that the taste was good. That it itched the scratch in the back of his head.

“So if he's a Vampire why can he go out in sunlight?” Deadpool asked whilst Blade licked his lips.

“Daywalker.. he can handle light.” You recalled something, “actually did you know that Dracula could as well? Sunlight didn't kill him, it just weakened him.”

Blade set the glass down, “I killed that mother fucker.”

“Dracula?”

“Yeah.”

“He's real?”

“Real as the stake I shoved into his heart.”

You were in complete shock. “Are you being serious? For real life? This… this is mind-blowing.”

Wade shrugged. “I dunno, I'm pretty sure in that comic he comes back to life.”

“Comic?” Blade raised a brow.

“Yeah keep up, sweety, this is a bunch of nerd comics thrust together with you included.” Deadpool pointed at you.

~~

You'd never seen a fully grown man scream ‘shotgun’ and sprint to the side of a car. Yet, here he was, shoving Gambit to the side and opening the door of a beat up Honda.

Wade rolled down the window and explained, “I'm not driving but I am a passenger princess.”

“I guess, I'll drive.” Elektra shrugged and there were no objections. She was probably the most logical of all of you, she could handle his outbursts and tune him out. She had done that to Daredevil for years apparently.

Laura, Gambit and Blade were next in the car, the latter sandwiched in between the others, they say in the middle row as the back row had been destroyed. You smiled at Laura leaning against Blade.

“Y/N.” Logan gestured to the open boot. Oh, right. Yeah. You'd have to get in the boot. With Logan. The man that had been cold towards you today. Great.

You shuffled into the car and settled your backpack next to you, he got in behind you and you were both just sitting facing each other. Knees meeting.

You busied yourself with your backpack, handing Laura her sunglasses. She had them on her head and placed them down for a second, forgetting them. Luckily you picked them up for her.

“There you go, hun.”

She blushed and took them happily. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome.”

After that there was nothing else to do. You had no distractions.

Wade had put the radio on as El had pulled away from your home. This might be the last time you ever saw it. It was actually a little bit sad. You all might never be back here. Or all but one could be, you hated that thought. It was bad enough Johnny being dead - and he was fairly annoying - you couldn't handle anyone else. Were you going to cry? No. You weren't. You were fine. Everyone would be fine.

You sniffed just as Britney Spears started singing and Gambit and Wade put on a terrific performance.

"I think I did it again."

“You look tired.” Logan whispered, the others wouldn't hear him over the duet.

“Do I?” You frowned. What had you done to him this morning? “Way to make a girl feel special.”

“No I mean.” He sighed. “Have a nap. It's a long journey.”

“There's not an abundance of space.” You gestured to each other.

Logan manoeuvred and motioned for you to move with him, you were wary but did as he asked and ended up in a very comfortable position. It mirrored how you had awoken this morning, resting on his chest, except you were both closer. If that was possible.

To be comfortable he pulled your leg over his, leaving the other straight, and wrapped both arms around your sides.

“I'm sorry I've been a dick.” He whispered against your hair. “I- The scar set me off this morning and everything I've done since I can't explain. I don't know why I've been an asshole. I jus-I haven't meant to be it's just come out like that.”

“It's alright.” You raised one shoulder in a half shrug. Your Logan had explained once that sometimes he says something and between his brain and his mouth it was as though it went through an 'asshole filter'. He truly didn't mean to be a dickhead but he couldn't help it. He usually felt horrible when it happened.

“No it isn't-”

You placed your hand on his lips, “yes it is. Now shush let me sleep. I was up practically all night.”

At least that got you an amused huff.

Part 3

[luckyyyduckyyy]

THANKSGIVING MOOTIE APPRECIATION ❤️✨❤️

Happy thanksgiving y'all! And a good time zone to all my non-US/non-Turkey day havers lovelies!

Tis the season of thanks and I'm a very thankful goober this year! I only started getting active on Tumblr about half a year ago and there's already so many people and things I'm grateful for from this site alone! I've enjoyed so much art and events, participated in yap seshes, tag games, and ultimately felt pretty welcomed and at home on this site, and it's thanks to all you! <3<3<3

Special thanks to the DCA fandom in its entirety as well! All the discussions, artists, writers, and shared reposts with all the silly notes are awesome! Y'all inspire me all the time and make me wish I was more outgoing than I am just so I can say hello to each and every one of you!!!!

The list gets long, so for the sake of those scrolling by, I have put it below! Have a lovely day everyone! <3333

@midnight-mourning Your writing is just wonderful. It's everything!!! I adore it so much and your CS boyos have wormed their way into my heart and refuses to leave. Some of my favorite songs even remind me of them! (Don't tell Moon this but I am very attached to CS Sun-)(Honestly gotta be my favorite Sun I've read fr fr) Also! Thank you for just being so supportive, thinking about me in tag games, and giving ALL the tag notes! They're a wonder to read and have me bounce off the walls! I'm always so happy we're mooties! ❤️❤️❤️ (Also, fun fact, you're my first mutual too! It's insane to me HOW DID THIS HAPPEN GUAHPHIAHDKA)

@pointyfruit You! Your art? Muah, wonderful. I don't even care if it's not dca related because it's so good. The shape language, art style, and just unique takes on just anything and everything blows my mind! Let's not forget COLORS. Oml they are so PRETTY. It's like an explosion I never want to end. 💥💥💥 Also! So goofy, so silly, and COTL enjoyer! Let's GOOOOO!!! I don't engage with the fandom much but I DO love the game and honestly I almost beat it, but still have not because I don't wanna do the final boss fight. It can't be over bros... Anyways when I see your posts I always wanna just wave like a neighbor seeing ya blow up 10 boxes of fireworks on a casual Tuesday afternoon. 👋👋👋:D

@divinit3a SPINS YOU!!! 🐶🐕🐶 Heya silly meister! In the midst of reading your work, gotta say? Muwah, Perfecto! The sillies are putting me on a rollercoaster and I'm stuck on the ride! While my ability to yap is a coin flip every hour, you happen to bring the yappening out of me with all the fun notes and posts you do--We've already had so many fun convos! Speaking of posts, the art is peak and will STAY peak! The designs? Muwah. The colors? Muwah. You make even the creepiest of goobers hauntingly beautiful! We've may not have known each other for long, but you're someone I look forward to seeing on my dash/notifications every time I open the app! ❤️❤️❤️

@sinister-sincerely Hi!!!! I'm still sometimes in awe realizing we're mutuals! I really love your work and if I'm in the mood to read something but I don't know what, I tend to turn to Aftersome often, even though I've read both the og and the rewrite! It's like you're the master of writing angst, bitter unrequited feelings, and the strange tenseness but want of confusing relationships. It's gut wrenching and I wish I could write something so evoking! All your stories are amazing and I seriously hope you know that, they're such heavy hitters that they have marked a place in my memory. ❤️ Your art too is wonderful! They don't pop up often but when they do it's a real treat! I love that you use grey scale in a lot of your works and the style is just so pleasing to look at. Whenever I see the DCA in your style I wanna give them the biggest hugs, even if they'd pry me off seconds later! ✨✨✨

@r0b0s-robos / @r0b0-wannabe Waving at you excitedly!!! It's always a pleasure to see your reposts, you always find the good stuff! Plus, you always are trying to help out others and it's amazing to see, your efforts are able to make great impacts. :333 You're also another writer I appreciate immensely, and I'm so invested in your botanist au. The sillies and their botanist who is desperately trying not to fall in love with them!!! ADORE THEM!!! I can't wait to read more! ❤️❤️❤️ The times you post about writing ideas or silly things about the DCA has me nodding my head with a smile. Also, the little notes you leave in tags, despite usually being brief, always makes me so happy! It's like seeing the kind stoic look at you from their seat, let out a small smile, and say "I love this"- and then suddenly it's a blast of blinding white light of endearment straight to my heart. K.O.!

@chickenchirps27 Welcome back!!! I've noticed you've been much more active recently and it's always fun to see what you got goin on! Obligatory art mention, but it would be criminal to NOT mention it. ITS!!! AMAZING!!! THEY LOOK LIKE ROCK CANDY!!! Colors!!! I love it so much, the goobers look delicio- I mean they look adorable and masterfully crafted in each piece of art! And your sona, ugh, she's so gorgeous and alien in the best ways possible. I've never seen anything like her and I am in awe of how you came up with all her little details. Those mantis arms are SICK and I want them!!! (Though drawing may be a little hard if I had em-)✨✨✨

@amarynthian-fortress / @amarynthian-chronicles Hehehe! Boops you! >:D Honestly, thank you for always being the biggest sweetheart around and being so welcoming. You're one of the people that made me feel able to crack my shell more and be more active on here! Your writing is whimsical, your reposts and comments are always so kind and feel-goody, and you just always show you care and the randomest times! Catch me off guard why don't you! I love all the snippets and treats you post, and I'm saving many of your stories to read for rainy days! ❤️❤️❤️

@ping-ski My reaction to us becoming mutuals was- 💥💥💥:OOOOO💥OO💥💥 I think I've followed you right when I started getting active on here and gah, your art is wonderful. So lovely, stylized, and colored so simply yet so appealingly that I can't stop looking. Your aus make me want to read them and their designs are always top tier! Also, I cannot forget to mention you are SILLAY!!! So silly! Your comments on reposts are goofy and I love to read them whenever they come up on my dash! Not to mention your own posts- I will never forget the 3-in-1 solid block of dca encased in ice. I was in awe of seeing them encased and I suddenly wanted my own dca ice cubes to put into a drink and try not to choke on. ✨✨✨

@quilteddreamz Your writing. Oh my GOSH your writing! It's wonderful, beautiful, gah, I can't wait for your advent calender! I wish I could do something for it but I got 3 more weeks of large projects tapped to my back. I am sending much luck your way and know that I am excited to enjoy some daily dca! Don't break yourself over it too! I may adore the goobers but you're most adored first! Take care and keep being such a whimsical person! Muwah! ✨✨✨

@flowysgonemad You are also! Silly!!! You are so fun to see popping around my dash and your doodles just make me go :333 every time! I love your aus and you're a very kind/goofy person! I don't even remember how we became mutuals but garsh diggity dang it, it's awesome to see ya and anything you yap about!

There are MANY more mooties I want to appreciate and show off, but I fear I am currently omw to go to a large thanksgiving dinner and I'm expecting to be there for the rest of the day. SO! If you weren't listed, please know that I AM thinking of you! Have a wonderful time zone, and just know that my heart is so full knowing that you're all there! I can't believe there is that many of you to begin with that I can't fit you all within the time frame! (Would you believe me if I said coming up with all the right words to say here took me 2 1/2 hours?)

So! To all my beloved writers, artists, and sillies alike! From the bottom of my heart, really, thank you! For being here, even reading this, and appreciating the things I do as much as I appreciate you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨✨✨✨

[noirsfantasy]

On the first day of Christmas...

𝔄 𝔇𝔢𝔠𝔢𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯 𝔗𝔬 ℜ𝔢𝔪𝔢𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤 ➛ Actor!Michael B Jordan x OC!Naomi Samuels

𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 ➛ Fluff

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱 ➛ 4.2K

𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔰𝔦𝔰 ➛ Returning home for the holidays, 29-year-old successful artist Naomi Samuels from New York finds her trip taking an unexpected turn. Things take an exciting twist when her brother Daniel arrives, accompanied by none other than the renowned actor Michael B. Jordan. As the next few days unfold with this unexpected guest, Naomi's holiday promises to be anything but ordinary. What adventures await in this unexpected reunion?

𝔞/𝔫 ➛ I'm gonna be honest, this story has me really excited. When I tell you I love Christmas, it's real. I want y'all to know that I fully intended this story to sound a bit hallmarky, so please bare with me. It gets good ;)

12 Days of Christmas Masterlist

Part 2 Here

The Samuels family's Christmas is always a hit. Family comes from all over down to the small town of Leavenworth, Washington just to gather together for this holiday. This is where my grandmother and mother lives, keeping the roots strong. Although, we haven't really had a big family Christmas since before COVID hit, so this one is bound to be special.

Just a week ago, I completed a project for a high-paying client, affording me the luxury of having the entire week before Christmas off. Usually, I am booked up to my ears at this time, so I am grateful for the vacation. I got to the house late last night, and so far, only a handful of aunts, uncles, and a few younger cousins had arrived. As the sole young adult present, I find myself shouldering the full force of our family's 'charm'.

I wake up early this morning in my old bedroom, starting my day with a warm shower. Once I'm dressed and freshened up, I head downstairs, hearing some chatter. I greet my grandmother, who is on the couch, watching her shows. She is always excited to see me.

"Good morning, Grandmother." I say with joy as I give her a warm hug.

"Oh, my beautiful Mimi." She calls my childhood nickname, her hand reaching out to cup my cheek with a gentle tremor. "You are turning into such a beautiful and remarkable woman. I can't tell you how proud of you I am." Her eyes reflect pure love, and I can't help but return her smile. The connection between my grandmother and me is unique, given that I am her first granddaughter.

"Thank you, Grandmother. I'm so happy that I could get to come see you. I know I haven't been around as much since I moved to New York for work," I admit, a twinge of guilt behind my words.

"Don't you worry about that, dear. You're here now, and every moment with my grandbaby is a blessing," she reassures me warmly. "I think your mom and aunts are in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Why don't you go in and see how you can help?" She suggests.

With a nod, I rise from the couch, placing a tender kiss on her cheek before making my way into the kitchen. As I enter, the lively banter of my mom and aunts fills the air, mid-gossip in the midst of breakfast preparations. I'm embraced by the scent of bacon and brewing of coffee. The women pause their gossip for a moment, shifting their attention to me.

"Well, look who decided to get up bright and early!" My mom exclaims, giving me a quick embrace. "Here, you take over the bacon for me. I need to get started on the pancakes," she adds, directing me to her spot at the stove. My aunts greet me with a cheerful "good morning" before seamlessly resuming their conversation with my mother.

The kitchen was bustling with activity, filled with the savory aroma of the many dishes being cooked. The Auntie's hands are kept busy as they catch up on the latest gossip and I snicker to myself as I focus on my task. The house starts to wake up as I hear my little cousins stomping down the stairs, their childish giggles over the chatter of the rest of the family.

I'm lost in my thoughts when my attention is abruptly diverted by an unexpected question from Aunt Pat, who's currently cooking the eggs.

"So, Naomi, you got a man yet?" The other ladies in the kitchen fix their gaze on me, awaiting my response. I stammer for a moment but then decide to keep it light.

“Well, no. I’m not really focused on that right now,” I reply with a shrug, hoping they’ll drop The subject. They don’t, of course.

“Come on now. You not getting any younger.” Adds my aunt Tina. My mom gives them a disapproving look as she closes the fridge.

“Y’all, leave my baby alone. It is too early for this.” Mom defends, but they roll their eyes.

“We’re just chatting, Angie. Besides, don’t you want some grandbabies?” Tina asks, Aunt Pat nodding in agreement.

"Naomi can wait for the right man as long as she needs. Better that than popping out babies without a ring," my mom subtly throws shade, her lips pursed. Aunt Pat raises an eyebrow.

“You tryna say sumn, Ang? Cus' whoever I think you're talking about has definitely gotten married since.” She says matter of factly. My mom ignores her.

"And Tina, don't start on Mimi, what about Ashanti? She still don't got a man either. And she 'bout the same age as Naomi." My mom adds.

"My Ashanti is a famous and successful model. She is busy building her life right now and taking care of her business. Besides, she's seeing someone," Aunt Tina states, turning her nose up. Sensing that my mom is about to say something else, I decide to intervene.

"Let's all calm down. I don't have a man, so what? It's not the end of the world. And, for the record, I have a successful career as well," I declare, raising my hands in defense. Aunt Tina's comment lingers in the air like a passing storm, briefly unsettling the familial calm.

"Just saying, you're almost thirty. Time to settle down. And I'd hardly call those cute little drawings you do a successful career," she persists, earning a disapproving look from my mother. I clench my jaw, determined not to let the remark sting.

"But we'll drop it," Aunt Tina announces, attempting to change the subject. The kitchen regains its lively atmosphere as they return to their culinary duties. My mother shoots me an apologetic glance, understanding the delicate nature of the topic, but I reassure her with a soft smile. I've grown accustomed to my family's concerns about my love life, even if their ideas of success differ from mine.

"Where is Teresa, anyways? And James? I saw the kids last night, but I haven't seen them." I ask, looking at my Aunt Pat.

"Oh, they're upstairs sleep. They really got a handful with them kids." She explains, shaking her head. I laugh a bit.

"Well, it seems like I'm not the only one who needed this vacation. Hopefully we will all get to relax." I let out a sigh.

"Well, don't you worry, none. Ashanti will be here any moment! I know y'all always have a good time together." Aunt Tina says. I look at her out of the side of my eyes and give a fake smile.

"Oh, I'm sure we'll have lots of fun." I respond, trying to hide the sarcasm in my voice. As they chop, stir, and laugh, I find myself wondering what's to come of this trip. My thoughts go back to what my aunts said about my love life.

Even though I'm almost thirty, I've never been one to go searching for a man, much less settle for less than I deserve. My art, my "cute little drawings," as Aunt Tina put it, is not just a hobby—it's my passion. And while it may not fit the conventional definition of success in their eyes, it brings me fulfillment and joy. And I want that when it comes to love as well.

As I plate the last pieces of bacon and turn away from the stove, my phone rings. It’s my brother Daniel.

“Hey Danny.” I greet as I walk out the kitchen.

“Naomi! You already at mamas?” He asks me.

"Yeah, flew in last night. We're about to have breakfast," I reply.

"Bet, well, I'm on my way there, about nine hours out. Been on the road for a while. Just calling to let you know I'm bringing a guest." My interest piques, and I raise my eyebrows.

“Oh? Is it a girl?” I tease. I can almost feel him rolling his eyes at me.

“No, it’s not. It’s one of my colleagues who needs a place to be for Christmas, so I offered to let him come.” Daniel explains.

“Oh, okay. Just a heads up, the aunties are already in my business so make sure you got your shit together.” I share a laugh with him and, over the sounds of the road in the background, I can barely make out a second laugh. I choose to ignore it.

“Who knows, maybe my guest can help you get your shit together if you, uh, catch my drift.” He teases. I roll my eyes in return and give a sarcastic laugh.

“This is not about to be you tryna hook me up with one of your friends again. We both know how that ended up last time.”

“I know, I know. Don’t worry, it’ll be none of that, I promise. But don’t tell anyone I’m bringing someone. I want it to be a surprise.” He tells me.

"Sure, secret's safe with me," I respond, curious as to who he could be bringing.

"Alright, I'll catch you when I get home. Hopefully, everyone will still be up." He chuckles and I laugh along as well.

"Yeah, we'll see. Drive safe. See you when you get here." I say, before ending the call. As I hang up with Daniel, I can't help but wonder about the mysterious guest he's bringing. Returning to the kitchen, I start setting up the table as the delightful aroma of breakfast fills the air. Yet, my thoughts persistently drift back to the impending surprise.

A rhythmic knock echoes through the house coming from the front door, which promptly swings open.

"I'm hereeeee!" All of us in the kitchen pause to glance toward the entrance as my cousin, Ashanti, strides in. Draped in a fur coat and chic heeled boots, she's come with numerous bags.

Smiles light up the room, and everyone rushes to welcome her with hearty hugs. I hug her as well, but it's a bit stiff. Shanti and I grew up together and we used to be very close. But somewhere along the line, she started competing with me and it put a rift between us.

Amidst the flurry of greetings, I catch a glimpse of Ashanti's perfectly styled hair and the air of confidence she exudes. Despite the awkwardness between us, I manage a genuine smile, hoping that the holiday spirit will bridge the gap that has quietly settled over the years.

As the family gathers around, Ashanti unveils a cascade of presents from her bags. "Gifts for everyone!" she announces, and the room erupts with excitement. The children eagerly approach, but she urges them to wait their turn. The tension between us momentarily fades as the joy of the holiday season takes center stage. The gifts she gives are lavish and luxurious. As everyone gets their gifts, she saves the last one for me.

"And last, but certainly not least, this is for you, Naomi." Ashanti hands me a neatly wrapped gift. I smile and open it, eager to see what is inside. While I had no specific expectations, what I got is far from what I had expected. As I tear away the paper, I find myself holding what appears to be a Dollar Tree sketchbook, lacking the quality I might have hoped for.

"Oh, a sketchbook..." I attempt to conceal my disappointment, realizing she intentionally chose a less-than-impressive gift.

"No need for thanks! I just knew you'd love it. You know, with your little artsy thing you got going on. I figured it would be a perfect gift," she says, offering a feigned smile and a hug. Despite having plenty of similar sketchbooks, I decide not to grant her any satisfaction, accepting the gift graciously.

The room is still buzzing with the cheer of the holiday festivities, and as I hold the seemingly ordinary sketchbook, I take a deep breath, reminding myself that the value lies in the gesture rather than the material itself.

I manage a polite smile, masking any traces of disappointment, and reply, "Thank you, Ashanti. It's thoughtful." She beams, seemingly content with her choice of gift, and the tension between us lingers beneath the surface.

The following hours whirl by in a flurry of activity. I spend most of the day hanging out with my younger cousins, keeping them occupied while everyone else relaxes. It's a great feeling to be home and around my family once again, no matter how old I get.

There are a couple gifts beneath the tree and the fireplace blazes brightly. Grandmother, nestled in her recliner by the fireplace, skillfully crochets a blanket and my uncles huddle around the TV to watch a football game. Mom has just set out hot chocolate for the kids, while the aunties are talking with each other in the study. Ashanti is upstairs, probably on her phone or something. Meanwhile, I find myself on the couch, sketch pad in hand, allowing my creativity to flow.

The sun has dipped below the horizon and a flurry of snow blankets the world outside. I glance toward the window, crossing my fingers that the roads won't freeze over and that Daniel and his mystery guest will arrive soon. The children steal the TV, watching some cartoons while a few of my uncles head onto the porch for a smoke. This calm is one I've longed for over the years—it gives me a sense of nostalgia, sending me back to the carefree days of my childhood.

My cousin, Teresa, who was asleep all day, comes downstairs and sits beside me. I smile as I look up from my sketches at her.

"Hey, cuz!" She says, giving me a hug.

"Hey, you slept good?" I ask, giggling a bit.

"Girl, yes, it was MUCH needed. You really don't understand how much you miss naps until you have children." She sighs heavily and I nod sympathetically.

"Yeah, I figured when I saw James come down here and not you, you were still getting your rest." I say teasingly. Teresa rolls her eyes.

"Hey, those beds are comfortable." She retorts, defending herself.

"Well, at least now you get a break, right? You got some help." Teresa sits back and nods.

"I'm so glad to just be here. It's been a while since we were able to take a trip like this."

"Something tells me that this trip is gonna be one to remember." I say, mostly to myself.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see." Teresa says, before standing up and heading to the kitchen.

As time goes by, I hear the doorbell ring again. I remain seated, engrossed in my drawing. Mom answers and her sudden loud exclamation echoes through the house as she lets the visitors in. Intrigued, I look up from my sketches, wondering who it could be. I get up and walk over to the door, first seeing my big brother standing there. He's smiling widely as he sees the shocked look on Mom's face. However, as I approach, I see who she's really screaming about.

There, standing beside Daniel on the doorstep is none other than famous actor Michael B. Jordan. My jaw drops in astonishment as I can't believe my eyes.

"Danny, what is this? You didn't tell me you were bringing a guest!" She exclaims, the unspoken emphasis being, 'You didn't tell me that you were bringing Michael B. Jordan!'

"Just thought I'd surprise you, Ma. And Michael, here, didn't have anywhere to stay for Christmas. So I invited him to stay with us for the week. Is that alright?" He asks, sporting a sheepish grin. My mother stammers for a moment, caught off guard by this surprise. She glances at Michael, who presents her a giftwrapped bottle of expensive-looking wine, flashing that gorgeous smile of his. Still in shock, she stammers as he hands her the gift.

"Merry Christmas, Mrs. Samuels. I hope I'm not intruding too much." He gives her a hug, giving her a squeeze. My mother, still processing the surprise, hugs him back, her eyes gleaming with disbelief.

"Oh, you're not intruding at all! Well, welcome to our home, Michael!" She starts as he lets go of her and stands in the doorway. "We're honored to have you join us for Christmas."

"The honor is all mine." He responds. By now, news of Michael's arrival has spread through the house. Danny brings him in, brushing snow off of himself, and I catch his eye. He winks at me knowingly as our family rushes to greet Michael and take pictures. I smile and shake my head at Daniel. It seems his "colleague" was quite the understatement. My little cousins jump excitedly at meeting the man who played Killmonger and my aunties and uncles are chatting to him loudly, talking over one another.

I watch all the commotion with a smile, when I lock eyes with Michael. He looks as if he is gonna approach me, but he's stopped by Ashanti.

"Hi, my name is Ashanti! You look like you need a drink." She says, before grabbing his arm and leading him away from the lively group. I suppress a sigh of awkward disappointment as she shoots me a mischievous glance over her shoulder. Just then, Daniel drapes an arm around my shoulder, steering me toward the study for a chat.

"Daniel!" I exclaim in a hushed tone as a cheeky grin plays on his face. He simply shrugs, not making a response. "Daniel!" I repeat, this time playfully socking him in the arm with an excited smile on my face.

"Surprise?" He offers, having anticipated my reaction.

"How the hell did you manage to get Michael Bakari Jordan to come to the Samuels household?!" I try to contain my excitement, but my words come out with an unintentional squeal. He laughs, feigning pain as he clutches his arm.

"It's like I said. He didn't have anywhere to be for Christmas. I didn't tell y'all, but this last project I was working on was with Michael and it was set to go into the Christmas holiday. Luckily, we ended up finishing early. Michael had tried to plan ahead and sent is parents and siblings on a Christmas cruise so they'd still have a good time. Well, during the project, Michael and I talked frequently and he mentioned not having anywhere to go, so I invited him to come here." He explains. I'm still in disbelief.

"This is insane. I never expected you to actually bring him. And he's staying until Christmas?"

"Yep, so he gets the full Samuels family experience for the holidays. But, you should go out and meet him yourself, Mimi. Knowing Ashanti, she's probably talking his ear off by now." He pats my shoulder, and I take a deep breath before stepping out of the study.

My heart is racing in my chest as I walk towards the kitchen. I've been a fan of his for the longest and now he's in my house. I'm trying to think of what I'd say to him. I find myself, instead of going to meet Michael, pacing around the dining room away from everyone else. I'm not usually this nervous or shy. But something about this man just makes me go crazy.

"Come on, Naomi," I say to myself, rubbing my palms on my jeans. I pace a bit more before I shake my head at my ridiculousness. With another deep breath, I head out of the dining room and towards the kitchen once more. There Michael and Ashanti are sitting at the bar, engaged in a conversation. It looks as if Ashanti is just talking about herself and her many accomplishments while showing him her photos. As I get closer, Michael glances over and notices me, giving me that famous smile again.

"Hey, Michael..." I start, and he watches me, waiting to hear what I'm gonna say. I decide to just go for it. "Mind if I steal you away for a bit?" I bite my lip, avoiding Ashanti's eyes as she glares at me. The corners of Michael's mouth turn up as the sound of my voice reaches him.

"Well, actually, Nao-"

"Yeah, I don't mind." He interrupts Ashanti as he stands, grabbing his glass . "Thanks for the drink, Ashanti." He says, but she rolls her eyes as she watches us leave. We make our way to the upstairs common area and sit on the couch. Michael sits a bit close to me, draping his arm along the back of the couch as he gets comfortable.

"You know, I was just looking for an excuse to take a break from her," He says, leaning into me. "Thanks for rescuing me." I laugh a bit at his words.

"Well, I'm happy to help. I'm always willing to answer the call of a damsel in distress." I joke, trying to break the ice. He chuckles a bit.

"It looked that bad, huh?" He replies and I nod, overexaggerating it a bit. "Well, then I guess that makes you my knight in shining armor." He grins charmingly and I have to stop myself from melting.

"Ah, where are my manners. I'm Naomi, Daniel's sister. I would've introduced myself sooner, but you seemed a bit busy." I laugh nervously, struggling to sit still under his gaze.

"So you're this troublesome Mimi I've heard so much about?" Michael questions and I freeze, blushing in embarrassment. There's no way Daniel really told him about my nickname. I regain my composure and clear my throat.

"First of all, I don't know where this troublesome idea of me came from, cuz it's definitely not true." I retort, playfully turning my nose up.

Michael grins, his eyes filled with amusement. "Hmm, I don't know, Daniel talks about you quite a bit and based on his stories, you seem pretty troublesome to me." He leans back, a playful glint in his eyes as he observes my reaction. "But don't worry, I'm all for a bit of trouble."

I chuckle, feeling a bit more at ease with his easygoing demeanor. "Well, if that's the case, I hope you're ready for the full Samuels family experience. We're a handful, but it's all in good fun."

"So, Naomi," Michael begins, his eyes gleaming with curiosity, "Aside from being a troublemaker, Daniel tells me you're an artist."

I playfully roll my eyes at the "troublemaker" label. "Oh, yes, it's my favorite thing to do. I love to draw, paint, you name it."

"What would you say inspires you?" He asks, his expression showing genuine curiosity.

"I just feel like art is my way of keeping some semblance of sanity in this chaotic world, you know what I mean?" I explain.

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean." He says, nodding his head. "It must be a nice escape from the chaos of the world to be able to express yourself through art. I love listening to music; it helps me find clarity when my thoughts get too messy."

"I completely get that. And it's just a plus that I get to do it for a living." I say with a content smile.

"So being an artist is your full-time job?" he questions, his tone laced with intrigue.

"Yeah, at first it was a hobby, but it got so successful that I was able to quit my other job and do it full-time."

"An artist, huh? Anything I might've seen?" he asks, genuinely interested. I shrug casually.

"Possibly. I do commissions for all types of people, I've got a few pieces in the Brooklyn Museum, I also run an art page on Instagram, so maybe you've seen some of my art." I pull out my phone and show him my page. He takes the phone from my hands, scrolling and raising his eyebrows in surprise.

"These are amazing," he says quietly, clearly impressed. "Do you draw from real life often? It's so realistic and…detailed" He continues, running his fingers along my phone screen lightly.

"I'm experimenting with some other media forms, but yeah, all of these I painted from real life. Some of them even went for really high prices. My most recent piece went for $3,000. But I've been working on that one for months. It was a commission for the governor of New York."

"Wow! It's amazing. You got some serious talent girl!" He praises, giving me a high five. I laugh, blushing a bit as he compliments me. He hands me my phone back and pulls his out, going to my account on his Instagram and following it. It takes everything within me not to scream.

"Thank you. Art is just a huge passion for me. I love to make other people happy with it as well." I admit. Michael notices me blushing when it sinks in he just followed my account.

"Well, you've got a new fan." He says with a sly grin, leaning against my shoulder. "I might have to use your services sometime." He says, his gaze lingering on mine.

"Yeah, I mean, I'm down to make anything you'd like." I blurt out, before realizing what I'd just said. "I... didn't mean it like that." I let out a sheepish laugh and clasp my hands together. Michael laughs as well, but he really is just enjoying himself.

"How about you make a portrait of me?" He suggests, a hint of playfulness in his tone.

"When? Right now?"

"I'll leave it up to you. We got the next couple days." He reminds me with a wink.

"Okay, but you'll have to be on your A-game this whole week. Are you up for the challenge?" I question, matching his tone.

Michael leans in, his voice low and teasing. "I'm always up for a challenge, especially if it involves spending more time with someone as captivating as you."

I feel a flush of warmth, and I playfully roll my eyes. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Jordan."

He grins, unfazed. "Is that a promise, Ms. Samuels?"

"Absolutely," I reply, laughing a bit and enjoying our banter. Even though we've just met, it feels like we've been friends for a while. Michael takes note of the easy chemistry that we have, and that chemistry sets the tone for a vacation filled with shared moments and the promise of a memorable Christmas.

"Any other hidden talents I should know about, Naomi?" He questions me. Somewhere in our conversation, we've gravitated so close on the couch that there's no space between us. Yet, the proximity feels comfortable now, and any initial nervousness has dissipated.

"Well, you'll have to find that out, won't you?" I respond with a sly smirk.

"Oh, she wants to be mysterious now?" Michael chuckles, his dimples showing as he smiles at me.

"She does indeed. As you said, we've got these next few days. You'll just have to see for yourself," I reply, glancing at the clock to realize how late it has gotten. Most of the children have already fallen asleep, and the aunts and uncles have retired to their rooms. It appears that the family is settling down for the night. Michael and I exchange glances, acknowledging the quieting atmosphere around us.

"I guess it's time for us to call it a night," Michael suggests, a yawn coming from him. I nod in agreement, feeling a sense of contentment in the air.

"Yeah, it's getting late. Goodnight, Michael." I say, rising from the couch. Michael follows my actions and stands up.

"Goodnight, Naomi." He pulls me into a brief hug, and I reciprocate, my arms instinctively wrapping around his waist. After a moment, we separate, and I turn to make my way to my room.

"Uh..." Michael utters softly. "Which way is the guest room?" He asks. I smile and chuckle.

"It's down the hall, second door on the left," I reply, pointing him in the direction.

"Ah, okay, goodnight again." He says, before walking towards his room.

"Goodnight," I say softly, heading into my bedroom and getting ready for bed. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stare for a moment. Out of nowhere, I break out into a victory dance and squeal silently. I still cannot believe that Michael B Jordan is at my house, or that he's going to be staying here for a week, or that he might even like me! I take a deep breath and compose myself once more, worried I might wake someone.

As I settle into bed, the tranquility of the night wraps around me like a warm blanket. Reflecting on the unexpected turns of this day, I realize exactly how crazy this whole day has been. I can only hope that this isn't a dream. With a contented sigh, I drift off to sleep, eagerly anticipating the things to come these next few days.

To Be Continued...

[hearth-and-veil]

Heart and Veil - Cult of Eternal Hera - Shadow and Flamethrowers Shutdown

Hey y'all 🪷 I don't think this is going to come as a terrible surprise, given how little I have been on tumblr and how little I have been posting about witchcraft and Hellenic Polytheism. I'm going to lay this out nice and clear.

The past 18 or so months of my life have been a lot, if I'm being honest. The roots are strong, but the branches were sickly. As they have regrown, they have grown differently. I am still me, perhaps more myself than I have ever been, but the me that I am with all the external influence stripped off looks very different.

I finally understand the meaning of "The Way that can be named is not the Way."

I no longer consider myself a Hellenic Polytheist. I still worship the Greek Gods in a certain capacity, but my philosophical bent has changed directions. I will always love our Gods, and I will be grateful to (some of) the HelPol community for their place in helping me find a life I could be happy to live.

I also made the decision this past weekend to remove my veil. For six years, I have worn it with pride and devotion. I no longer feel like I need it, at least not all the time. I have finally learned to be my own veil. I'm going to find a local cancer charity and donate most of my scarves.

I have come to see in recent months that social media isn't really conducive to my happiness; at least not the way I have been using it. I'm deleting most of my social media (though I'm only deactivating IG) and will be away from it all long term. I do intend to come back to tumblr in the future, but it will be in a completely different capacity.

Some will look at this and think, "ahh, see, it's just a phase," and so fucking what? If something I devoted a fifth of my entire life to is a phase, then call me Luna. It's a woman's prerogative. But I am the Magnolia Grandiflora - strong roots, a steady trunk, swaying branches, continually replacing leaves, and long-blooming flowers. I am more than content with that.

I am permanently logging out of all of these tumblr accounts on September 30, 2024. If there was ever a question you wanted to ask, I recommend you get it in before then because once I delete my passwords I am fuck't. I don't even know which email address I used to sign up for hellsite.

Remember: I am proud of you. That little kind thing you did today that nobody noticed? The win you're too humble to brag about? The accomplishment no one else cared about? I am so fucking proud of you. So endlessly proud. You have within you the incredible capacity to be a phenomenal human being. All virtues are just something you practice, not something you are - so go out there and practice the virtues you admire most. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't, because Auntie said that you can.

Thank you all for sharing this space with me for the past few years ❤️

In the wise words of Lester Holt: Take care of yourselves and each other.

[whochromatic]

I must not read chapter 109 and wait for the chapters to pile up.. I must not read chapter 109 and wait for the chapters to pile up.. I must...

*reads it anyways*

Why did I do that. Damnit, I should've known that reading that chapter would have re-activated my need for more. I was way better off ignoring anything related to Yohaji and just went about my day, not thinking about Yohaji every minute of the hour of the day of the week. But the damage has been done. Now I have to read the whole manga all over again just to satisfy myself once again. But no. That's not enough. I searched every corner to hunt every single content of Yohaji. Tumblr. Twitter. Youtube. Tiktok. Ao3. Our lord and savior Canada's account. The giver of reason in life, one who resurrects the dead, the sailor uniform to my life, Tanamai-sensei's account. I know that the Yohaji content in this world is not enough and will NEVER be. The moment I discovered this manga, I knew that it would be my life. The fact that it had only reached me last year, ber month is unforgivable. Why did it not have content as many as the amount of numbers there are to exist so that it could reach me at the start of it's existence? It should have been Yohaji. Not BNHA! Nothing against that anime by the way. Well, I am grateful that I stumbled upon Yohaji while it had 100+ chapters though. And the fandom being small enough to only have nice and cool people in it. But those fics in ao3 though? Why- I mean, I don't really care or pay attention to them but the fact that the amount of nsfw fanfics is probably (I'm saying probably because they might just be more) equal to the amount of sfw fanfics in there is- I swear, WHY ARE THERE SO LITTLE FANFICS OF YOHAJI?! 3 PAGES?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? There might be more in other places but I only read in ao3 and Tumblr if I find some there. I'm so thankful for the translators though!!! I love y'all. I love the fandom. I love the characters. I love Yohaji. I love the creator. God- sorry I forgot I can't use sensei's name in vain. I'm telling y'all, Tanamai is the GOAT. A GENIUS!! Your brain is beautiful. What goes on in head yours? Tell and everyone might gain more braincells. What's with you? What's with your humor?? What's with your lore?! WHAT'S WITH YOUR ART??? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!?! SENSEI WHEN I CATCH YOU OHH WHEN I CATCH YOU. But of course, it's not your fault that I'm starving for more Yohaji chapters. One month is nothing to me- IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CREATE THIS WONDERFUL AND HEAVENLY HOOK THAT CAUGHT ME EVEN ONLY WITH IT'S TITLE AND ART?? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE?!?! Senseiiiiii*sob* waaaaaahh... Still, I'm sooo happy this is getting an anime this year!! I've been waiting for this ever since I found out it existed along with other Yohaji fans. I knew it would happen soon enough because it's the law. It's a crime to not make an adaption of amazing yet weird yet amazing manga like no other. Death row. DEATH ROW!! It's fine even if it's low quality. As long as it exists, I can finally pass on peacefully- when it airs it better be as good as the manga and look immaculate, I'm telling you. Haha, just kidding. Or am I..? I cannot wait until April or whatever how long it takes for the anime to air just please. Please even the trailer only. But I'm sure everyone is already working hard to make the anime for it. Do your best!! You're doing the right thing! And.... uhm.. 24 episodes... please..? AHHH HARUAKI'S SMILEEE!!! IT'S INVADING MY MIND!! GET OUT! PLEASE GET OUT!!! THIS LOWLY UNGRATEFUL UNDESERVING WORSE THAN DUST BUZZ BUZZ KILLABLE STUPID MORTAL ABOMINATION CAN'T HANDLE OR DESERVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I can't do this. More. More. More Yohaji. I NEED IT. IF AIR AND SAILOR UNIFORM IS LIFE THEN SO IS YOHAJI!! RAAAAAAAHHH

Also I accidentally deleted a longer version of this and rewrote it with my memory. Thanks for wasting your time on this like I did.

[klassickdei]

#06 - she laughs a lot but never stays happy.

hi. welcome back again. it’s been a while since I wrote an update.

maybe some of you want to ask me “where the hell you've been?”. It’s 3:18 am and I decided to get my shxt together and sit down to write an update. I hope y'all are doing okay just checking in on you.

If I were asked to go back to the past and live again, just like I've lived so far, I don't have the confidence to live the same way. these days, unexpected things keep happening… everything is unfamiliar and I'm not good at it the misfortune keeps catching on, and difficulties that I can't bear keep coming to me… since I'm an adult, of course, I want to overcome it bravely. but, now, I'm a little tired, too. I'm having a hard time. nobody thinks they should save me, 'cause I’m doing well. I don’t let it show, but I’ve been through some shxt.

are things sometimes tough for you, too? but, in life you gotta find your flow, you gotta get your attempts out things aren't just going to click it's gonna take a while, trial and error.

it will take time and you will doubt yourself a lot. most of your battles will be fought internally, but it will get you closer to where you want to be.

there are actions you can take to release yourself from emotional pain or self-centeredness, but most of those actions have an element of focusing on yourself before you start focusing on others. I don't think it's wrong to choose ourselves first, but society does think that it's wrong.

for example, maintaining a healthy lifestyle requires effort and discipline, and so does dealing with the consequences of poor health. whenever I'm dealing with a tough situation, I always remind myself that I always have a choice. most people are rushing to make a choice, without realizing what any of it means. It scares me to think that most of us have no idea what we're doing, and simply doing the best we can with what we have. It's terrifying to imagine that no one has all of the answers and that it is ultimately up to me to make my path.

I have a million thoughts in my head, I am repeating the same questions over and over. it feels like this pain will be forever and there is nothing ahead of me but darkness. feel like I might not make it through. a part of me is questioning if it's even worth making it through. but I know I've been through this before, and I can do this again. I'll get through it. I'll get over it. and I trust that I'll be fine.

I never think about how much time has passed. we are blessed with all this time, but not all of us are lucky enough to utilize it.

a part of being an adult … living with regret and not allowing it to consume you. every day you have to remind yourself to be kind and forgiving of yourself. you accept and love yourself from the past and understand that it's all a part of the process. then you live your best life, knowing now as old as you feel today, you'll never be this young again.

however, I hope someday you find a safe person. a safe person that you can call a safe place where what you feel is valid, where you can be understood, a safe person where you can tell when you're happy, not only when you're sad. a safe person who asks you "how was your day?". because we need a safe person with whom we can open up and tell our story freely. having someone who is excited to talk with you is the best feeling.

I'm forever grateful to the people who checked on me when I just hinted that I was not okay. one sentence that I always remember:

"be sad but get up"

that sentence encouraged me a lot. I'm the type of person who might have gained strength by just hearing those words.

despite the hard parts that happen, there are parts that I am really grateful for. but the problem is I have no one to celebrate with. I'm too afraid about people’s reactions. because something that I think is "big", may not be "big" according to other people. it's hurts when you feel excited about something but the other person doesn't give you the same vibe. what I learned is, your experiences shape you into the person you are today. be proud of yourself even with the smallest progress you've made so far, even if you don’t have someone to celebrate with, you have yourself, and yourself is always enough.

when people leave your side one by one, I hope all the writings in here are the light that helps you to shine again. I'm trying my best to update regularly, but it's not easy. still, I hope y'all always looking forward to it. last but not least, "you have survived every single thing you thought you wouldn't". always remember that.

not sure if I can give any recommendations… but there you go k-dramas: 1. my sweet mobster (놀아주는 여자), 2. miss night and day (낮과 밤이 다른 그녀) songs: 1. Maki – dilaw (yellow), 2. Halsey – Without Me, 3. 데이식스 (DAY6) - 놓아 놓아 놓아 (Letting Go)

that’s all for today. thanks for tuning in, don’t forget to drink your water and I hope many good things happen to you!

until next time. 07.2024 from ra.

[sweetswesf]

Check In

What I Did Today

TOO much social media & online videos

Successfully fought the urge to get a new IG

Assigned people in my professional engineering squad their secret santa recipients

Fought urge to order out & actually ate what I had in my kitchen

Watched an AlgoExpert video

Got some sun & grocery shopped

Saw the girl who invited me to an event held by the only dudes I have slept with (one of whom is now engaged) was let go by sadi dudes; I offered her support and tried to relate without being like "I HATE THOSE GUYS TOO"...she kinda gave me a weird response...immediately regretted reaching out...seconds later, one of the said damn dudes reached out to invite me! I wanted to say, "So we just gone act like it never happened huh!?"...I don't know what to respond with...part of me is like, "let it go," the other part of me is like UGHHHH why can't I escape this!? I mean I could if I blocked them...I guess a part of me wants them to feel bad for what they did or apologize, which I know, from history, they'll never do...I could also just meet someone else there but idk...I've NEVER met anyone of promise at any of these stupid mixing events...I just always leave with a weird encounter...

Rented Alice & Wonderland...I've been trying to watch it for years...I may watch it in my "downtime" this week

First meeting w/my new therapist

Bought a gift for my secret santa recipient

My literal thought process ALL...DAY...LONG...: "Eat, then hop into work...okay maybe just watch a video...okay, one more and then get to it...okay, at least sit a the desk...*goes to YouTube, Twitter, etc.*...okay, find that series you like to watch...okay one more Great British Baking Show episode...what if you get tired while you're working...what if you're too cold...what if the heater is making you tired...okay meal time again...okay try to start again...*watches more vidoes*...what if I'm too old...what if I should try something else out...man I wish I had more fam support...what if I don't need to study this crap...am losing all the progress I've been building...UGH! get to work...will I be single forever...all these layoffs, if they don't have it, they'll be sure I don't get it...oh shoot...it's time to meet for the study group soon...you can't work, just start tomorrow...okay, it's after 7:30 PM, at least try to knock this one lesson out since she's doing it too, you don't want to be embarrassed again...should I work out tomorrow or just make up for lost time today..."

Added website blocker & time limits back to my desktop & phone

What I Learned Today

Linked lists...including doubly, circular, and doubly circular linked lists

Feeling

This staying focused thing is harder than I thought it would be...I need to build a bit more discipline

Fat

Apparently not scared enough to study as hard as I need to

Slightly paranoid about being vulnerable to YET another person who may not handle my feelings the way I need them to

Proud I did not NEED a nap today

Can y'all pray for me, please

Takeaways

I'm going to get there

I need to get up & move more during my day

I really appreciate the friend that took me out to Black Panther, suggested we start doing a bake exchange, and, today, encouraged me by telling me in our study session that she'd watch the same video I set out to watch...I wasn't going to do it, but that added pressure was just enough pressure I needed to do it today...mind you, she's going through a stressful time...we both are, but we are confiding in each other, helping each other along, and I am grateful...as someone who has been losing people left & right, I am grateful

How I Got Myself Out of a Rut Today

Confiding in a friend

Trying new creations

FINALLY finding a site that streams full episodes of the series that got me interested in Netflix in the first place years ago, The World's Most Extraordinary Homes...looking at that, I said, "Why NOT me!?"...then recommenced procrastinating for hours after that, but, it did get me up...I'm going to live in something like this one day:

Goals Completed

Found a therapist

Stopped listening to people worried about their own circumstances and remembering God works on his own time and that I am in no rush...

Got back on the ball

Being kinder to myself and stopping guilting myself if my energy isn't always on 100%

Goals After Today

Strengthen my relationship with God

Understand the main concepts I need to from Interview Cake, AlgoExpert, etc. in 6 months, NOT less than 3

Drop my body fat percentage to Marion Jones, Michaela Cole, or Jade Cargill levels

Consistently fight urge to fill up my time with social media/YouTube

Fully forgive my family & build a great relationship with them

Be more confident & faithful

250 steps/hour & 10k steps/daily consistently

Drink more than 64oz a day consistently

Go on a date with a guy I actually like who actually likes me too

[spencers-dria]

Turn for the Better

Someone To Stay Ch. 1

Spencer x fem!reader

Spencer POV:

I open my eyes and glance around the room. It's darker than I remember. I must have fallen asleep reading on the couch again. I glance down and see a pile of books on the rug. Oh yeah...I only made it through about four books this time before I nodded off. I sigh in frustration that I'm awake. Might as well get up I suppose.

I wander into the kitchen and pull open the fridge only to be met with a jar of peanut butter, week old left overs, and a half empty jug of juice. Next.

I try again with the pantry. Almost completely bare. I guess this is what happens when you stop going to the grocery store. I settle on a cup of apple juice and a bag of chips... better than nothing right?

I slump back down onto the couch and pull my green wool blanket over me. As I stare up at my ceiling, as I begin to let my mind wander. But this was dangerous territory. I have to keep my mind occupied, I just have to. So I quickly sit back up and turn the TV to one of my favorite Dr. Who episodes. They say that anxious people re-watch the same shows because they find the familiarity comforting. I could definitely understand the feeling.

It was the weekend, which meant I wasn't called into work. Cases had been slow lately, as we spent quite a bit of time doing paperwork back at the office. Unfortunately for me, this meant less distractions. Distractions were good. Distractions were necessary. They are the only way I make it through the days anymore.

Things had finally returned to normal for me back at work. I was going into the field, and it felt like my coworkers were no longer tiptoeing around me. I hate when they do that, and it bothers me more than any amount of teasing ever could. I'm not so delicate, so easily breakable. Look at everything I have been through, everything I have endured. Yet here I am, still alive, still doing my job. I didn't need to be babied. So it was a relief when I felt the regular rapport I shared with my friends return. They had gone back to the sarcastic remarks and silly nicknames. I was grateful for it. They did, however, continue to check up on me. This was something that I did appreciate. They've seen me go down a dark road once before. I have no intentions of ever returning. I was stronger than that... I think. All I know is I have held on this long without resorting to any unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Coping mechanisms...oh how I wish I had something to make the healing process easier. Having a fairly empty social calendar left me alone often. Normally I would find comfort in the peace and quiet of my solitary apartment, but not quite so much lately. I couldn't very well make plans to go out, and I wouldn't even know how to begin to do that. Who would want to hang out with me right now anyways? I'd be a damper on the fun, and everyone knows it. That's probably why my friends stopped inviting me to the nights at the bar.

There I go again, letting my mind slip into a dark hole of anxiety. Its not a safe place to be. I quickly turn my attention back to the show in front of me, letting it drown out all other thoughts.

The ring of my phone quickly draws my attention away. Finally...another case! I jump up to answer, seeing the name on my screen: Derek Morgan. That's odd. Usually Hotch or Garcia call to notify us of a new case.

"Hello?" I answer, confusion lacing my voice.

"Pretty Boy! Buzz me up!"

Well now I'm even more confused. Derek never comes to my apartment. I quickly press the button letting him into the building and opening my apartment door, waiting for him to arrive.

As he comes up the stairs, he gives me a grin shouting, "Come on man! Get dressed. We're goin' out!"

I roll my eyes and retreat back into the apartment, Derek close behind me.

I sink back onto the couch, my eyes glued to the television as I tune him out.

"Aw c'mon. Don't be like that. How long have you been sitting there watching TV? Have you done anything else today, at all?"

I don't answer, I don't even look at him.

"Oh, let me guess. You've been reading all day, huh?"

"Wow, can't get anything past you huh?" I say dryly, regretting my tone as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Alright that it. You've been cooped up in here too long. Like I said before, we're going out. And I'm not taking no for an answer" he says sternly, raising an eyebrow at me.

I finally look up at him as I roll my eyes.

"You know I can kick your ass right?" Derek smirks.

"Fine" I concede. "Well...where are we going? I don't know what to wear unless you tell me what our plans are."

"Don't pretend you don't wear the same fancy button ups no matter where you end up going."

I let out a small laugh...he's got me there.

"Dinner at Rossi's. I know pretty boys are high maintenance but, hurry up or you'll make us late!" I smile at the nickname. Same old Derek.

Y/N POV:

You let out a sigh of relief as you watched your coworker approach you, ready to receive report. It had been a particularly busy shift, and you were ready to get some much-needed rest. You walked to each patient room, giving Clementine summary of the day and the latest updates on labs and vital signs. You stepped into each room with her, checking one last time to make sure each of your patients was doing well and didn't need anything else before you left. Normally you and Clem would spend some time catching up and making jokes, but she could tell you were tired and needed to be home more than anything. You wished her good luck on her shift as you made your way to the break room. After putting away your stethoscope and the large collection of pens, pencils, and markers you kept in your pockets, you finally headed towards the elevator to leave for the day.

You opened the door to your apartment to be greeted by your dog, Juneau. She was a rescue you adopted a few months back. She still needed to make progress, but she had really warmed up to you and your friends and seemed much more comfortable in her new home. After feeding her dinner and taking her for a short walk, you heated up a quick frozen dinner and sunk into your couch.  Curling up in your blanket, you spent a few minutes browsing through different streaming services only to land on The Office, as usual.  Your mind drifts to what your next few days might consist off. You just so happened to land 4 days off in a row, but you had no idea how you would spend your time. You glanced down at your phone as it lit up.  It was your Uncle Will.

"Hey, whats up!" you chimed, glad to hear from your favorite uncle.

"Hey, (Y/N). I'm actually calling to invite you to a dinner some friends of mine are having tomorrow night. I know your schedule is real busy. But I haven't seen you much since you moved up here to Virginia! I know you haven't met many people here yet, but I think I can help you make a start. "

The kind gesture made you smile. You had always been fairly close with your father's side of the family. He had grown up in Louisiana and met your mother at a college in Texas. You spent your childhood in Houston but frequently visited the Cajun half of your family. Uncle Will had moved away once he fell in love with Jenifer Jareau, his now wife, and you hadn't seem much of him the past few years. But as luck would have it, your nursing career had lead you to a hospital in Fredericksburg, VA. You felt extremely lucky to have family nearby, or else you would have been completely alone. But sometimes you still felt that way, which is why you were so grateful for his offer.

"That actually sounds great! I am off for the next four days, and I didn't really have anything planned. Who will I be meeting at this dinner?"

"Well it's some of JJ's coworkers. They're like a second family to us, and I know they'll be just as welcoming to you. I already told them you moved up here, and they've been begging to meet you."

"Aww I can't wait to see Aunt JJ and my sweet little cousin, Henry! Its been so long since I came to visit you guys. I think Henry was barely two years old the last time I saw him."

"Well we all hope to see you a lot more now that you're here. You're like a daughter to us, Y/N. You are welcome to visit any time you like. I know nursing is a stressful job, and it can take a toll. Its important to have family and friends around you when things get tough." You could hear that this was a genuine offer and you fully planned to take him up on it in the future. Being alone in a new state was taking its toll.

"So where and when should I plan to meet for dinner?"

"I'll text you the address real quick. Everyone is planning to meet around 6. It shouldn't be too far of a drive. It's one of JJ's coworker's houses. David Rossi. He's a real easygoing guy, and he loves cooking for everyone. He loves meeting new people even more, so you should feel right at home!"

"Sounds like a fun time. Thank you again for thinking to invite me. I'm really looking forward to it!"

"Alright boo, talk to you later."

You smiled at the pet name used by the entire Louisiana side of your family. I guess the north had yet to steal his southern roots. You hung up the phone. You finally had plans. It would be nice to talk to someone who wasn't a coworker.  It would also be your first excuse to dress up since moving and starting your new job. Too excited to wait, you jumped up from the couch and began to rifle through your closet for something to wear. You didn't want to be too over or underdressed. You grabbed a black spaghetti strap fit and flare dress and throw it on with some black panty hose, a lightweight maroon cardigan, and some black heels. You snapped a quick photo in the mirror and shoot a text to Aunt JJ.

Y/N: Apparently I'm joining y'all for dinner tomorrow night...is this too much???

Aunt JJ: I heard! I can't wait!

And oh my goodness, no! You look gorgeous! It will be perfect.

Also...Henry is so excited to see you!

You smiled, more confident in your choice. Aunt JJ had great taste. You had only had the chance to meet her in person a couple times, but the two of you had clicked right away and stayed in touch over text and Facetime. Sometimes she felt more like the sister you never had.

Starting to feel the effects of your particularly difficult shift, you start to get ready for bed. You wanted to be well rested for tomorrow. You say goodnight to Juneau and crawl into bed, snuggled under all the blankets. You fall asleep with a smile on your face, with the feeling that things in your life are about to take a turn for the better. You couldn't explain it...but somehow you just knew.

[dazaily]

todoroki bringing his s/o to an amusement part

my first bnha work... kinda nervous posting this cuz like bnha(?) idk,, but for my manz, i will pull through!! hope u enjoy ^^

description: you and todoroki have been dating for awhile now, but recently he realised he never initiates dates, and so he planned and invited u to an amusement park for a date. 

warnings: gender neutral! reader. fluff. clichéd. i wrote this at 4-5am.

* ·    　 ˚  + 　　　 ·    *  ˚ 

my manz is innocent, like lbr, he aint gonna know shiz abt dating..

sooo, the first few weeks into ur relationship(?) he was alr facing his first crisis.

he felt like nothing changed, despite having transitioned from a platonic to romantic relationship.

and so, being the sweet and clueless lil bean he is, he went to seek for advice from his one and only bestie bakugou, midoriya.

“hey, midoriya, what does one do in a relationship” why am i making him talk like someone from the shakespearean era tf

“oh, um todoroki?? are u asking for y/n? if so, i don't think im not the right person u should be asking,, i mean ive never even been in a rela--”

“well, u were my best choice” 

midoriya notices the absolute chaos they are surrounded by in the 1A dorm 

“ok i may be the best choice.” said in tiny.

so after a discussion that dragged for way longer than it had to be 2 days, todoroki settled on the idea of bringing u on a date to the amusement park.

cute idea right? yes. there's no twist, like i said this is a fluff. 

n e ways, he was an awkward lil bby asking u out, cuz he's not used to receiving or giving affection,,,, he's trying his best.

“um, y/n, are u free this sunday..?”

“sunday, hmm i think i alr have smtg planned..”

“oh, um, well then, its fine, its nothing important..”

if u weren't hit by a pang of guilt, idk what type of monster u are.

“nah, that was just jokes, so whats up?”

and that was how y'all ended up in universal studios japan. usj

endeavour’s bout to be big mad when he realises the missing money from his wallet.

“sHOUTOOOOO!!” >:[

n e ways..

so ur date started with u dragging shouto around the entire park, with the goal of riding every single ride 

ofc he was fine with it, he was happy as long as he got to spend time with u. a simp.

but since u guys went on a weekend, there were way more people than u guys originally expected, like wHOA,,, 

the park was basically filled with people from all over the world, even though it wasn't holiday season..

so ur dreams and hopes of riding eery single ride, may be impossible..

hAH, YOU THOUGHT, YOUR MANZ FATHER MAY BE THE WORST PERSON ON EARTH, BUT HES STILL TOP 2 HERO. 

ur manz got u the express pass.

the one time ur grateful for the existence of his father.

so yall spent the first 2-4 hours just riding every single ride u could possibly find. 

shouto’s probably the type that is willing to try anything, i don't think he’ll be scared of any rides in particular. 

in the contrary, i feel like there'll be rides that he's lowkey excited to ride on, since he never had the chance to enjoy these events and places as a child. cuz of his sh*tty father.

he would ofc try to hide his excitement, but after being by his side for awhile, uve learnt how to differentiate his different emotions, despite his general nonchalant self. 

him being excited, makes u happy, cuz its rare that u get to see these sides of him.

omg pls protect him at all costs,, he needs it,,, he's so precious,, shower him with all the love in the world.

so y'all be running all over the place, until hunger slaps u in the face like that isekai truck that ive been waiting for. 

and so its food time!

“hmm, since were in an amusement park, we should get some hot dogs, churros, oMG and cotton candy!!”

“..what? c-ch-churros?? what are those?”

“holy sh-- u don't kNOW WHAT CHURROS ARE!? we’re getting churros right now.”

“but, i want soba... the cold one”

u ended up getting both. cuz it isn't todoroki without cold soba.

and it was back to running around the entire park riding everything.

but instead of running yallz were walking hand in hand, as if u guys were an old couple taking a stroll in the local park

and instead of the entire park, y'all were just in the harry potter section..

don't judge, its cute. and the food did some numbers to ur stomachs, so u were avoiding some rides till u digest ur food. 

while walking around, the sun was setting creating a beautiful scenery. 

wanting this to be a lasting memory, u convinced todoroki to take a photo together. 

u wanted to take an aesthetic couple photo to show off to other people who were trying to steal ur hunk of a man. 

at first u had asked random passerby to help yalls take a photo,, but being the attention-starved lil bby he is, he felt awkward posing in front of random people. 

which led u guys to just set up the camera on a small ledge with a castle in the bg. 

it was then, todoroki had experience a flashback to the conversation that him and midoriya had. 

“hmm, wikihow says that every date has to end in a kiss, for it to be called successful..”

“is this website trustable??”

“it should be.. anyways just do it.”

coming back to reality, todoroki suddenly felt a sense of urgency, the date was coming to an end, and he hasn't kissed u yet,,,,

at that moment, as the timer of the phone camera was reaching 0, with u and ur wide smile posing for the camera

todoroki gently turned ur head to face his, and he had kissed u, for public display.

ur face immediately turned red, but u eventually returned the kiss, after getting over the shock. 

after separating, todoroki was silent, slightly scared and worried of ur reaction(?)

“why didn't u tell me u were going to kiss me~~ u should've told me so i can at least look good in the photo~~”

“..huh? well, um, i just had he sudden urge to do it?” kinda ooc

he was flustered, confused, embarrassed and giddy all at the same time

but the hugest wave of relief came over him, as he began to relax. 

“well we can just take another photo if u don't like it--”

“nO, i like this photo. but im always open for another kiss.” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

getting over ur prior embarrassment, u tried flirting with him, returning the bold action he had pulled off earlier. 

“well, i wouldn't reject an offer like that would i..”

surprising u by picking up on the offer u suggested, todoroki gave u another kiss, easily taking ur breathe away.

well, ig this just confirms that wikihow is reliable. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i can't believe i ended a fic with a kiss,, this is the most cop out ending ive written but im way too tired to write properly rn,, 

˚  ˚ . ·   　 * 　 ⋆  * 　

a/n: hihi, so im kinda nervous posting this, cuz thus far i have only done haikyuu works so like??? i feel like i have an overall better understanding of haikyuu characters and their dynamics, but i wanted to write something for my precious icyhot <3 if this piece does well, ill try and write more about bnha characters. hope it was good!!

[girlwithshipsshitshow]

Part 25

(Misaki Kneeled in front of his parents grave, tightly holding Usagi's hand, even though his tie had just been fixed before they left they house, it was somehow already crooked. He had no idea what to say, should he start by apologizing that he hadn't been to visit in the last fourteen years? Or introduce Usagi first like it's just a normal conversation.)

Misaki: (lets out a long sigh, Usagi Squeezing his hand for encouragement). Uh, hey mom, dad. This feels weird, I know I never really came to visit, mostly because for the longest time I thought your death was my fault, a-a-and I know that sounds dumb but it's true, so I never came, I'm here today because I lot is happening. I'm graduating!, I'm also getting married, to this guy. He's the love of my life, if you guys we're alive I'd think you'd love him. (He smiled gently at Usagi), His name is Akihiko Usami, but I call him Usagi. He's amazing, the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm so lucky to have him, I want you to meet him.

Usagi: Um hi, I don't know how to introduce myself, should I say Usagi? (He ducked his head), No that sounds weird, I'm Usami. Misaki says he's the best thing that's ever happened to him, but truthfully, he saved me, I would not be this person without him. Before we met I was kinda an awful person, I never let anyone in, I was a mess, I almost died a few times, I never ate properly, I never really opened myself up to anyone, I had al these walls up, then Misaki came and I was this a different person. (he chuckled softly), Some might say softer. Misaki is the only person I've truly felt combatable with, he's my soulmate and best friend, the best person you could ever ask for, he's doing okay, he's happy, I'm so grateful for him.

Misaki: (softly), Usagi... (He wrapped his arms around the older man, leaning into him), I love you.

Usagi: I love you too. Thank you for bringing me here.

Misaki: Thank you for coming.

Usagi: You're parents would be so proud of you.

Misaki: How do you know?

Usagi: Because I'm so proud of you, how could they not be.

Misaki: Thank you.

(They stayed there for a while, in a silent embrace paying their respects, Misaki was happy he decied to come, he needed it. He was so grateful to have this man in his life, and really needed the support today.)

Monday March 16, 2020... six days before graduation.

(Misaki woke up feeling beside him, the space was empty, he was confused, usually this early in the morning Usagi would still be asleep, he rubbed his eyes, blinked a few times then gave his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the light, turning his head towards the alarm clock he realized it was only eight am, yeah Usagi should definitely still be asleep).

Misaki: Usagi?! (He called loudly, his voice was groggy from just waking up)

Usagi: Good morning, (He smirked entering the room with a tray of breakfast consisting of coffee, eggs, hash browns, and bacon).

Misaki: (Smirks): What's all this?

Usagi: (Sitting on the bed carefully placing the tray between them, he hands Misaki the cup of coffee and places a kiss on his cheek). I made you breakfast.

Misaki: You didn't have to do that. (He takes a sip of coffee, the warmth wakes up his body, he smirks, taking Usagi's hand), You're amazing.

Usagi: I know it's not a trinational bra-

Misaki: Stop it, I love it. (He smiles, taking a bit of everything), It's great.

Usagi: I'm glad you think so.

Misaki: So why are you up so early?

Usagi: A man can't wake up early to make breakfast for his fiancé?

Misaki: (Smirks, giving him a knowing look).

Usagi: Um, Isaka called last night after you went to sleep-

Misaki: How rude, Doesn't he know not to call in the middle of the night?

Usagi: I agree, but he's my boss.

Misaki: He's your friend, and as your friend he should know not too.

Usagi: He wanted to talk to you, but I told him you were asleep.

Misaki: Why does he want to talk to me?

Usagi: He wants to have a meeting with you today about us, and you being my assistant.

Misaki: Um, why now? I'm not starting until like the begging of may.

Usagi: I don't know, but he want's to meet at noon, so eat up.

Misaki: I'm supposed to tell you to do that. You're still recovering you know.

Usagi: So, feed me.

Misaki: (Smirks, feeds Usagi a piece of bacon, the older boy takes his hand lacing his fingers through his, pulling him into a kiss, knocking the food on the bed). Usagi!

Usagi: We can clean it up. (He pulls Misaki on top of him, running his hands through his hair, they kiss passionately), Hey, (he pulls away breathing heard, pushing hair out of Misaki's face, (wanna take this to the shower?

Misaki: I don't know Usagi... (He trailed off, he Missed having Usagi inside off him, he missed being inside of Usagi, but they only had six more days till they could have sex again, surely they could wait it out right?)

Usagi: I know we have six more days till we can have sex again but.. I can help you shower right? (He grinned kissing Misaki's neck, the younger boy moaned.)

Misaki: Um, do you really think it's a good idea to show up to a meeting with love bites on my neck?

Usagi: That's okay, I can put them other places.

Misaki: We can shower together, but maybe nothing that will cause a delay in getting ready?

Usagi: Fine, (He sat, gently pushing Misaki to stand), But you owe me.

Misaki: (Grins leaning down), We have three whole weeks alone once I graduate, that trip you planned, I know where it is by the way, not in Tokyo, we'll have plenty of time to do other things.

Usagi: (Wraps his arms around Misaki's neck), Good, and we are never leaving the bedroom.

Misaki: Okay. (Kisses Usagi, then pulls him up leading him to the bathroom), Now help me wash my hair, I love when you do it.

Usagi: No problem.

(Misaki Stood outside Isaka's door he was nervous, he kept messing with his tie, it was crooked again. Usagi glanced at him, fixed his tie, and his hair).

Usagi: Sweetie, you have to relax, you already have the job, trust me, being my assent will be easier for everyone. (He kissed him softly on his forehead). Just go in, he's expecting you.

Misaki: You should come to, I'm sure he'd loved to see you.

Usagi: I can't help you with this one, he told me I wasn't allowed.

Misaki: (Sighs), Okay. I love you.

Usagi: And I love you. You're amazing, you can do this. I'm going to bug Eri.

Misaki: Leave her Alone.

Usagi: She loves me.

Misaki: Usagi-san!

Usagi: TOO LATE (at the elevator), I'm already here! Good luck! I believe in you!

Isaka: (Opens door): Misaki! (Hugs him tightly), Get in here! Lets talk.

Isaka: You already have the job, this is just a formality. No one wants to be his assistant.

Asahina: No one.

Misaki: (Angry): No one asked you lover boy.

Isaka: Things you can't do in public, Holding hands.

Misaki: What about y'all?

Isaka: You already know about us.

Misaki: When I start the Job, everyone will know the two of us are engaged.

Asahina: Fair point, even so, you can't be all over each other.

Isaka: Keep it professional.

Asahina: To be fair Isaka; If you had it your way, we would be all over each other at work, but you don't so.

Isaka: Anyway, Meetings, he still hates them.

Misaki: I know, but he has to have them, we need to keep them to an hour, book signings and releases should be at least an hour and half not all day events, although if I'm there we can probably get them for two hours, he won't do much more than that, even if I'm with him. Events that have to be longer, he would only do a day long event, no matter what, he hardly wants to be at my graduation, I don't even want to be there.

Isaka: What about b-

Misaki: Book tour? That's a joke.

(Isaka and Asahina glanced at each other, frowning).

Misaki: A BOOK TOUR? NO WAY WHY?

Isaka: He wrote four books, we want all of them out at the same time, we figu-

Misaki: Okay, some of those we're written under his pen name you can't-

Isaka: Maybe it's time for him to come clean about that.

Misaki: What?

Isaka: He came out, you guys are going to come out as a couple, I'm sure he'll be fine with it, plus he would probably make more money if people knew the books were about you two.

Misaki: The early ones weren't. He doesn't want my brother finding out about that. (Misaki blushed he was turning beat red, this was not happening).

Isaka: Him, or you? We'll just call him up here and ask... (He picked up the phone, dialing a number).

Eri: So have you guys deiced on a date?

Usagi: No, but Misaki knows how much I love Cherry blossoms so maybe in the spring, but also snow is important to us, so could be in the winter.

Eri: You can't plan that though.

Usagi: Doesn't matter, ever significant event in our lives happened when it was snowing, or snow started. It's fate.

Eri: (Smiles) Like you two.

Usagi: Exactly.

Eri: So d, (Her phone starts ringing) One sec, (She rolls her eyes), Its Isaka, (Picks the phone up), What? he is, we're busy, fine, he'll say no but I'll send him up anyway... Okay, Yeah we can do lunch, the five of us? you ask them. Bye Isaka. (Puts the phone back in the receiver, roiling her eyes), He's a pain in the ass.

Usagi: I know, what did he want?

Eri: He want's to talk to you, I told him you'd say no, but you should go up there anyway.

Usagi: What was his question?

Eri: (Sighing), I'd go find out.

Usagi: Okay. (Stands, leaning down to hug Eri).

Eri: Oh, and we're all having lunch together.

Usagi: Of course we are.

(Misaki taps his fingers in the desk, he can feel himself turning red by the second, when Usagi walks in and sits beside him he freezes, he hasn't felt like this around him in A long time).

Usagi: What's up?

Misaki: (Through gritted teeth), you don't want to know.

Isaka: How do you feel about doing a book tour?

Usagi: (Folds arms, leaning back in seat), I think you already Know the answer to that. What else?

Isaka: You're books about the two of, the ones under your pen name?

Usagi: Yeah, I know the ones? What about them?

Misaki: He want's you to say you're the one who wrote them.

Usagi: No, I can't do that, I don't want anyone to know I wrote the early ones.

Misaki: That's what I said.

Isaka: Like Misaki's brother?

Usagi: I can't ever let him know how I felt about him. If it was know I wrote those books, and thought about that... oh god (Places head in hands), and if I think about doing that stuff with Misaki.

Misaki: (Blushing harder)

Isaka: Wow, I didn't know you could turn that red.

Asahina: That is interesting.

Usagi: I can't do a book tour, two of the three books I wrote are the books about Misaki and I.

Isaka: But the other two aren't.

Misaki: He'll do a two month book tour with his books under his name.

Isaka: I think we can figure out a way to release the books under your pen name without any trouble.

Usagi: The scenes were Eri's ideas, most of them.

Misaki: My brother doesn't read that, but he will if he knows that you wrote them.

Isaka: Maybe we only print the new ones? Wipe the old ones out of exc-

Usagi: I'm telling you no!

Isaka: Some people already know, you kinda let it slip when you came out.

Usagi: I know, but I don't want anyone to know who doesn't already, plus I have the "All names are completely a coincidence"

Misaki: Yeah, right. We are going on tour with his two new books, "Beautifully drawing swords" and "Broken scars".

Isaka: Why are those titles so sad.

Misaki: A lot of his are, do you even read his books?

Usagi: The books aren't sad, "Broken scars" is-

Misaki: It's about two who are broken, they meet by chance after running away from home, fall in love and learn that broken people can heal scars.

Usagi: (Smiles) Yeah, You read the manuscript?

Misaki: Of course I did, Beautifully drawing swords was good too, more of a short story though, I wish it was longer.

Usagi: I wanted it to be, but the more I was writing it, the more I thought it worked better as a short story.

Isaka: What's that one about?

Misaki: A girl who collects swords finds a broken one a thrift shop, and makes it into a new one, she bonds with another girl across the street, and they talk about their sword collection, it's cute.

Isaka: Doesn't sound like something you'd usually write.

Usagi: I know, but I Got inspiration from a picture that Mahiro made, Eri thought it would sell, if she didn't I wouldn't have written it.

Misaki: I think kids will love it, and teens.

Isaka: I like it.

Usagi: You did agree to it.

Isaka: Did I?

Asahina: Yeah you did.

Isaka: Oh, well... it sounds sweet.

Misaki: I'm proud of him.

Isaka: You should be. Misaki, you're going to make a great assistant for him. No one can handle him like you, I mean I guess Eri, but you got him to write four books in two months, and all of them are amazing.

Misaki: (Shrugs), I don't know how.

Usagi: (Wraps his arms around Misaki), Because you're amazing, and I love you.

Misaki: I love you.

Isaka: What do you say we all go get lunch? Anyone up for pizza?

Asahina: Sure, call Eri, lets meet her in the lobby.

Misaki: Thanks for lunch Eri, (He hugged her tightly).

Eri: Anytime, hey so can I come hang out with yall later, Rose is working all week, and it's going to be lonely going home.

Usagi: Sure, but just for a bit, and you can't spend the night.

Isaka: (Laughs), Classic Usagi, not letting anyone in. (Points to Misaki), except Chibi here. (He pulls him into a hug. You're the only one.

Usagi: (Annoyed), Get off him.

Misaki: (Pushes Isaka off), Go hug your boyfriend.

Isaka: How did you do it.

Misaki: Even If I knew, I wouldn't tell you.

Usagi: (Takes Misaki's hand), No one can but him, and if we have kids.

Eri: You would spoil your kids, especially if you had a baby girl, Please have kids now!

Misaki: Can we finish building our house first? and get married?

Eri: (Clears throat), Oh yeah, sure. But after.

Misaki: You'd still want to be our surrogate right? because it might be hard japan stil-

Eri: Misaki, yes and don't worry, Rose said Ren can help, it's going to be okay.

Isaka: speaking of marriage, you guys still can't technically-

Usagi: We Know, Go to work, Asahina, take him upstairs.

Asahina: Got it, (Smirks), Pulling Isaka inside.

Isaka: HEY! YOU WORK FOR ME!

Asahina: (whispering) I'm the boss in this relationship.

Isaka: (Blushes).

Usagi: We know we need a Partnership certification.

Misaki: And that it doesn't grant us everything that a marriage would, but It's the best we can do right now.

Eri: When do you guys want to get married?

Misaki: (Grins), Winter, (He takes Usagi's hand), The snow is special to us.

Eri: You should get started now, at least looking at the documents, I heard it can take up to five moths. (Walks towards building). I'll email some information.

Misaki: (Siting on Usagi's lap, they are in his office on the couch, documents for the certificate in front of them. He sighs bowing air out), I didn't think it would be this much, we have to do this much!

Usagi: Yes. It doesn't change your mind, does it?

Misaki: (Turns to look at Usagi), What? Of course not, (He takes Usagi's face, rubbing his thumbs against his soft skin), No, it just means we have to look through all of this carefully, so we only have to do it once. If we start in August, we can have our certificate by December, maybe a little before. We'll also start the movie process by then, if we don't have any problems our house should be ready by the summer right?

Usagi: (He places his hands on Misaki's), Right, and by December we'll be moved in, we wanted to have a ceremony at our house anyway.

Misaki: Exactly It's perfect! (He grinned kissing Usagi hard), Now we need to put this in a safe place.

Usagi: I have just the spot. (He lifted Misaki, placing him beside him, stood up walked over to his desk. Opening a drawer in the bottom of his desk, he pulled out a binder marked wedding. He grinned hoping on the couch handing it to Misaki).

Misaki: Wedding?

Usagi: I've kinda been planning our wedding ever since you proposed.

Misaki: (Grins), Usagi, this is so sweet. (He holds the binder to his chest).

Usagi: Don't you want to look at it?

Misaki: Yeah, but I just remembered, I have to go get my graduation stuff, and the suit.

Usagi: Want me to come?

Misaki: Can you drop me off at the school?

Usagi: Yeah, and I can get our suits.

Misaki: Perfect. When we come we can look at the binder.

Usagi: (Eyes lighting up), Good because I have lots of ideas.

Usagi: I can't believe they had a gown that small, I bet it could fit Suzuki-san. we should test it.

Misaki: No, this, along with our suits stay in the closet until Saturday, then you can give it to Suzuki-san. (He took the suits and the gown from Usagi hanging them in the closet, then took Usagi's hand grinning at him). Okay, so let's look at the binder, you've been grinning about it all day.

Usagi: I'm so excited. (He smirked leading Misaki to the office, once there he placed the smaller man on his lap then opened the binder.) Okay so for us I'm thinking purple and blue wedding suits, purple for me.

Misaki: Of course, it'll bring out your eyes.

Usagi: Something like this. (He pointed to a picture).

Misaki: That's amazing.

Usagi: And for you, this one.

Misaki: I love it.

Usagi: And everyone else can wear black or red.

Misaki: Okay, any ideas on cake?

Usagi: Lemon, but I want it on theme, maybe this one?

Misaki: Maybe.

Usagi: You don't like it?

Misaki: It looks good, but I know we won't have a lot of people, we might need something smaller.

Usagi: Right.

Misaki: Don't say it like that (Kiss cheek), We have time.

Usagi: I know, I just wanted you to like it

Misaki: I do, and honey, we don't have to agree on everything okay?

Usagi: It would just be easer if we did.

Misaki: I know.

Usagi: We agreed on everything for our house easily.

Misaki: But not everything, there was some stuff you thought wouldn't work, and that's fine.

Usagi: I loved must of the stuff, some things I thought didn't work, so we changed them.

Misaki: Right, and it'll be like this planning our wedding.

Usagi: Okay, right. So the ceremony, you want it outdoors?

Misaki: Right.

Usagi: It might be cold though so should the reception be indoors?

Misaki: Maybe, we can look into that the closer we get.

Usagi: Okay.

Misaki: OH, the theme is amazing!

Usagi: Really?

Misaki: Yeah, I mean we won't need that many seats, but I get the idea.

Usagi: Purple winter wonderland.

Misaki: I Love it. (He turns to face Usagi embracing him), I LOVE YOU, so much!

Usagi: I love you too. (Picks up documents), Now these need to go in.

Misaki: We're getting closer.

Usagi: I know.

Misaki: I can't believe it, we've come so far huh?

Usagi: Yeah. Sure have. (He hugged Misaki tighter taking in his smell, he loved ever single thing about him, he always wanted a person, and now he had one).

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: What are you going to wear to Ro's birthday? Fraze: Pick whatever you like for this fantasy where I'm going Bea: You have to Bea: you have no excuse not to Fraze: I don't need an excuse now that I'm too big for my ma, or da come to that, to drag me anywhere Fraze: I don't wanna, I don't have to, end of Bea: It's still family regardless of anyone's ability to literally make you Bea: anyway, she needs the numbers Fraze: I don't hear her begging Bea: She's not about to, is she Bea: you know what she's like Fraze: And you know where to find me when you've had enough of what she's like Bea: Well if you must know I don't think I'll bother to come back either then Bea: why should I make any effort Fraze: 'Cause you had a solid enough argument there with the family obligation bullshit, even if you lost it with the part about keeping numbers up Bea: Joe isn't coming, you aren't Bea: so fuck it, clearly Fraze: She ain't our sister, she's yours Bea: Seriously Fraze: Come on Fraze: I know you didn't expect a different answer Bea: You know literally nothing Bea: How can I lecture her about being part of this family if that's how you feel Bea: and how can I expect her to feel like a part of it if she isn't, apparently, for fuck's sake Fraze: She is with the rest of them, don't start Fraze: How can I act like it's all that black and white when the only thing that is, is how I feel about you? Fraze: we've been over it Bea: You can't pick and choose Bea: that's not how this is meant to work Fraze: Well it's too fucking late Fraze: I already did Bea: Great, so she gets to be right Bea: fantastic, thanks Fraze: What do you want me to do? I can't unlove you Fraze: I have tried, like Bea: Have you? Fraze: What was most of our childhood if not that? Bea: This isn't relevant Bea: I need someone there Fraze: You asked, I gave you an answer Fraze: she's got Ali and Tommy, that other one he used to dance with Bea: Because I can ask any of them what she was like and get an honest answer Bea: there's a divide, you said it Fraze: You'll get a brutally honest answer off ma if that's what you want Bea: I want you to do this one thing for me Fraze: is that as nice as you're gonna ask? Bea: I'm not playing games Bea: I'm not in the mood Fraze: Christ's sake Fraze: alright then Bea: Thanks Fraze: whatever, I'll do it for the pleasure of you owing me Bea: you can check my calendar to cash that in Fraze: give me a chance to check my own first, Red Bea: I assume you have a handle on your own schedule Fraze: I ain't never been able to stop your assumptions Bea: You should be grateful I'm giving you that props Fraze: Oh cheers Bea: You're welcome Fraze: yeah, open arms at this party Bea: I doubt she's got a candle for you Bea: you'll avoid that Fraze: Jesus Bea: Yep Fraze: I ain't going to church, fuck that Bea: I think only Ali is doing that anyway Fraze: gutted she still ain't getting sainted for her patience Bea: Pretty sure you have to be dead for years before they get 'round to it Fraze: Trust you to know that, babe Bea: It's common knowledge Bea: Teresa was an exception Fraze: common knowledge to cunts thinking that far ahead Fraze: let me get to grips with my fucking uni schedule Bea: You gave yourself away Fraze: you wish Bea: I'll take my props away now Bea: You've been back nearly a month Fraze: And I've had fuck all to do, it ain't Cambs Bea: All the more time to work out your schedule Fraze: Worry about your own Bea: I am Fraze: You gave yourself away there Bea: Ha Fraze: you're not in the mood, I heard you the first time Bea: Good Bea: I'll leave you to it then Fraze: Alright Bea: [Skippity skip?] Fraze: [makes sense] Bea: [okay, turn up with ya BFF as a hot ass mess to this stale ass party] Fraze: [he'd be shook and fuming in equal measure, imagine his face please] Bea: [aren't we all tbh like join Ro at that table lol] Fraze: You could've said something Bea: I posted on my stories Fraze: Like I said Bea: It wasn't planned Fraze: And it ain't the longest plane ride but you had enough time to tell me you were coming Fraze: it becomes a plan once you've bought a ticket, like Bea: Hardly, it's not like it sells out, or there isn't one an hour later if it does Bea: we turned up, end of Fraze: You know what I mean Fraze: I turned up here for you, the least you could've done was said I didn't have to Bea: I'm late, so I did need you here Fraze: what's his excuse? Bea: ? Fraze: Why do you need him here? Bea: He suggested I come Bea: I still wasn't sure Fraze: hand holding then Fraze: how sweet Bea: Fuck off Bea: She's my sister, I should be here, regardless of how unwelcome I am or want to be Fraze: gladly Fraze: and yeah, no shit, I told you that Bea: It's not an original concept Bea: is this all the people that showed or have people left? Fraze: I'll be the first out the door Bea: Tragic Fraze: What else did you expect? Bea: She was making such a fuss I thought perhaps she'd put a bit more effort in this time Fraze: only setting yourself up with that kind of thinking, babe Bea: More her problem than mine Fraze: Yours if you care Bea: Whatever you're trying to imply with that is stupid either way Fraze: I'm not implying anything, I said it in a dead straightforward manner Bea: Either that I do or don't care Fraze: I know you care, you wouldn't be here if you didn't Bea: If I cared I would have just showed up Fraze: you have Bea: Not before telling her I wouldn't and having an argument so Fraze: Exactly, you didn't have to and you still did Fraze: she ain't gonna appreciate it and it weren't easy for you in any sense Fraze: so you care and you're fucked by it, end of Bea: Nah Fraze: Yeah Bea: I literally just wanted to piss her off but alright Fraze: that's an added bonus Bea: If you like, Fraze Fraze: it ain't about me Fraze: but you can have pissing me off too if you like Bea: Why would you be pissed off at me Fraze: Think it through like you reckon you ain't fuck all else Bea: You were meant to be here regardless Bea: and now you can go Bea: nothing lost Fraze: it's nothing to do with any of that Bea: I'm not in the mood for guessing games either Bea: tell me or don't Fraze: Forget it Bea: Alright Bea: enjoy the rest of your evening then Fraze: I'll take my odds of that over yours Bea: I'll survive Fraze: I know Fraze: my offer still stands though Bea: I'm just here to see Ro Fraze: You're leaving tomorrow then? Bea: tonight by the looks of this Fraze: Yeah Fraze: I doubt it'll be a late one Bea: Surprised she's still here honestly Fraze: I'm surprised any of this went ahead in the first place Bea: Sure she's been planning it since her last Fraze: don't mean she wouldn't cry off it on the night Bea: You can go tell her you're proud of her if you want Fraze: fuck off Bea: 😏 Fraze: [IRL 😏 at her] Bea: [LOOK back] Fraze: [always gotta return a LOOK] Bea: [but go get a drink with Bronson, obviously] Fraze: [go get your own because you're fuming at that and also I need a reason for you not to leave thank you] Bea: [you can force Tommy to dance with you and dance with Bronson] Fraze: [just like 👀😒 downing this drink haha] Fraze: [we both know he's eventually cutting in though there's only so much looking on either of them can take] Bea: [saying something about not dancing with Fearghal and Rocky yet like wait ya turn but 😏 again] Fraze: [we're having this moment ™ because this party is too dry to deal with] Bea: [you wanna see some romance hen] Fraze: [giving Laoise's brother ideas and the confidence to 💋 with their energy LOL] Bea: [I snorted, oh lord] Fraze: [like we said before, going from that long summer to nothing when they're back at uni would be a killer so the vibe is strong] Bea: [excuse us everyone that'll be awkward to see for you] Fraze: [I hope y'all are busy having your own fun and in Ro's case getting smooched so] Bea: [y'all be trying anyway, God bless] Fraze: [mcvickers having their own dance because they don't wanna be here either, awww] Bea: [das cute] Fraze: [we should've given Laoise a little sister for Rocky to have a childhood romance with, that would've been so cute cos the fams hate each other] Fraze: [maybe there can be a girl at the caravan park cos always there with his bff Carly] Bea: [I like that idea, v cute] Fraze: [look at me getting derailed as per] Bea: [my bubba] Fraze: [go get another drink and calm down a shade please boy] Bea: [you could get away with this extraness if it wasn't such a dry party alas hensss, I should probaby think about what present you're throwing at Ro] Fraze: Do you want me to tell you I'm proud of you then or what? Bea: For what? Fraze: Doing the dance rounds, how well you wrapped that gift, take your pick Bea: I don't think that'll make me feel any better, but you go ahead if it will you Fraze: Nah, not really Bea: Don't bother then Fraze: consider it not done Bea: Then we're all happy Fraze: No need to take the bullshit that far Bea: That's what her happy face looks like Fraze: Christ Bea: Told you it was tragic Fraze: I didn't dispute it Bea: Do you know the neighbour kids name? Fraze: Is that a trick question? Bea: Um, no Bea: I want to look him up Fraze: 'Course I fucking don't Bea: 🙄 you're so helpful Bea: bet you know the sister's name Fraze: don't be placing bets about me and girls my sister's age Bea: Lighten up it's not like she's a kid Fraze: She was Ali's friend when she was a kid, hardly a turn on seeing her trying to catch frogs or cast spells Fraze: but cheers for your permission Bea: Unlike our sisters, respectively, I'm sure she's grown up some since then Fraze: Like I said, don't bet on it Bea: Whatever, I don't wanna fuck her Fraze: Me either Bea: Cool Fraze: [go and do your theft of the church wine boy because this party is still not it] Bea: [go find him but under the guise/that's not a total lie doe of needing a fucking break] Fraze: [have another moment in that confined space] Bea: [drink that nasty wine, not even asking just taking it] Fraze: [letting it happen cos she needs it more than you tbh] Bea: [swigging way too much of the blood of christ before passing it back with a shrug like whoops, so soz] Fraze: [giving her a look like steady on like this wasn't your idea] Bea: ['you act like you come up with every plan' ref-ing to doing this as kids, obvs] Fraze: ['I do' that's a barefaced lie sir] Bea: [scoffs like oh please] Fraze: [scoffs himself to show what he thinks of her ideas in reference to this messy uni era that he's acting like she's solely responsible for] Bea: [takes the bottle back like if you're gonna be like that] Fraze: [takes it off her so he can actually get some] Bea: ['you did not have all the good ideas'] Fraze: ['Alright, you can credit him one for bringing you'] Bea: ['I thought you reckoned that was your idea too'] Fraze: ['Point is, it weren't yours'] Bea: [🙄 'I'm fine with being here not being my idea, tah'] Fraze: ['Unlike me being here' like there you go another bad idea] Bea: ['doesn't bother me' like unlucky] Fraze: ['You came to find me, not the other way round, babe'] Bea: ['I came to get away from everyone else, there's a difference'] Fraze: [looks around like there's loads of places to do that which is true cos there's literally no-one at this party] Bea: ['if you want me to go, say it'] Fraze: ['If I did, I would'] Bea: [a look like shut up then] Fraze: [shakes his head in an affectionate way like fuck knows why I want you around] Bea: [just like likewise with her everything] Fraze: [offers her a 🚬 like they're not indoors in the tiny priest cupboard] Bea: ['a way to get more guests' like when the firemen show Fraze: [a fearghal style big lol 'see, I'm full of good ideas'] Bea: [can't help but smile even if we're like mhmm] Fraze: [smiling because we made her smile, it's a lil moment] Bea: ['why haven't you left?' but soft not like accusatory or like get out] Fraze: [looking at her like you know why and we're stealing her words ''if you want me to go, say it' in a tone which obvs makes it clear that's not what we want] Bea: [says nothing to say it all] Fraze: [turn that look into a LOOK boy] Bea: ['why are you mad at me?' whilst casually getting on his lap to make sure he can't be] Fraze: ['why did you have to bring him here?' but everyone knows he's not that mad anymore because she's literally in here with you sir, priorities] Bea: ['see what you'd do' like we're joking but not not true either, just tracing all his features with your finger right now like it's been FOREVER since you saw each other] Fraze: [There's a time and a place' like I'm not gonna beat the shit out of him at this fam function even though I want to but also please don't bring him to fam functions ever again thank you] Bea: ['Maybe I didn't feel like being alone'] Fraze: ['You're not' pulling her even closer to him for emphasis] Bea: [a NOISE like 'scuse me 'not now'] Fraze: ['you're not alone ever' could sound creepy but we mean it in a loving and supportive way] Bea: [a look like we both know that's not true] Fraze: [a look like we both know it's always gonna be me and you, no matter what] Bea: [shakes head like that's not what I mean/the point] Fraze: [softly cups her face so they have all the eye contact like I mean it but you can still tell me what you mean] Bea: ['if we weren't ever alone, none of this would be happening'] Fraze: ['I don't regret that this is' like we're joking about being in this priest cupboard having a throwback moment but we're also saying that we're glad she's here and glad of any time we have rn so] Bea: [shaking our head and breaking eye contact as we get off him] Fraze: ['Shit's always gonna happen, we can't stop it' you can't save anyone vibes 'I only know one way that comes close, like'] Bea: ['what's that then?' but we're already not listening properly and getting up to go] Fraze: [a KISS to stop her in her tracks because it's that, like they are stopping time for a sec] Bea: [have your moment lads enjoy it been a long time coming] Fraze: [literally would feel like it's been forever anyway and even moreso because they are both having a shit time rn] Bea: [you can't get carried away, I vote the fun people at this party start playing hide and seek so you gotta break it up hens] Fraze: [I love that because I would suggest murder in the dark cos spooky girl energy but Ro's scared of the dark so we can't until she has left] Bea: [lol it's so against your everything to be scared of the dark that amuses me] Fraze: [she would play hide and seek though if only to get away from her bf] Bea: [so lowkey everyone will be playing therefore you must play lol] Fraze: [literally because Rocky, Ali and Carly have probably made mcvickers play by ganging up on them haha] Bea: [the entire guestlist hen, everyone else would be down, soz baze looooooooooooooooooollllllllllll] Fraze: [he's so just staying in this priest cupboard and we all know it] Bea: [such an obvious place boy you'll be seeking so soon, you better go find Bronson hun] Fraze: [likewise will just go for a 🚬 when he's supposed to be finding people because we're playing under duress] Bea: [we know you don't need to keep this close a watch on him like he'll be down but you know, moment gone here] Fraze: [good luck acting like you're not fuming that she went straight to him even though staying with you wasn't really an option] Bea: [this should be made into/they should play a different team game and be on opposite teams 'cos so competitive] Fraze: [always a mood so I 100% agree] Bea: [like idk what but take it way too seriously when no one else is lol] Fraze: [literally does not matter because like you said nobody else cares and you two are just on your bullshit, who should we say wins?] Bea: [i think firstly it's who gets Ro] Fraze: [he should because we don't need a beeline brawl] Bea: [you can have Rocky then Bea as they are equally as big a handicap so that's fair] Fraze: [lbr nobody is as big a handicap as Ro but he can have Ali who's great at everything to balance that out] Bea: [then she should have Tommy and Carly and he should have Bronson and Kayne] Bea: [Meena go where you like lol] Fraze: [he will be THRILLED to have Bronson on his team lol] Bea: [ha I know, like did that so you have some decent peeps but also for the awks] Fraze: [please don't brawl lads we can't be having that] Bea: [focus on winning, Fraze probably should] Fraze: [yeah otherwise he'll sulk haha] Bea: [and he already is so that would be rude] Fraze: [true enough] Bea: congrats Fraze: Say it like you mean it Bea: I don't so you know Bea: forced sportsmanship is all you're getting Fraze: come on, babe Bea: shut up Fraze: Don't be a sore loser Bea: you're so annoying Fraze: Nah, that was the team I had Bea: like mine was any better Fraze: Like you wouldn't rather have your sister, who you reckon you're just here to see, and your boyfriend Bea: I've seen her Bea: if you're hoping for a reunion beyond that, I'd stop Fraze: If you reckon that's even crossed my mind, you're losing your touch at more than kid's party games Bea: I'm saying I reckon that was a poor attempt at a dig, is all Fraze: you started it, like Bea: did I fuck Fraze: what else do you call that piss poor attempt at a congrats? Bea: sportsmanship Bea: I told you Fraze: Bullshit Bea: 🙄 fine, don't accept it Fraze: I don't Bea: so don't Fraze: Alright Bea: [drinking moodily like 😒] Fraze: [go for a smoke and calm down boy] Bea: [thank the lord this shit show is winding down, reminds me] Bea: Did Ro and Ali just walk past you? Fraze: Yeah, she said she's taking her home Bea: Wow Bea: I thought they were getting air, or some other stupid thing for another stupid ritual Bea: is she for real Fraze: Are you really that surprised? Bea: Pissed off and surprised aren't the same thing Bea: she actually got me to fly out Bea: for this Fraze: Do you want me to go after 'em? They only just went past Bea: No Bea: it's her party to ditch Fraze: at least you can too now though Bea: yeah, I really fancy the airport right now Bea: never mind getting back to Cambs just in time for rush hour Bea: fuck this Fraze: Then don't go to the airport Bea: This has been a massive waste of time Fraze: Cheers Bea: Come on Bea: you didn't want to come either Fraze: when I thought you weren't Bea: no, and before Fraze: Come on Bea: find you when I was done, if I recall Fraze: whatever, that's not the same as you shitting over all my attempts to make this bearable for you Bea: because you tried really hard to do that Fraze: obviously not hard enough, yeah? Bea: You said it, not me Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: forget it Bea: Done Fraze: Grand Bea: ['cos what you really need is to go out and get messier, lol, so rude not even gonna help everyone else clean up this shitshow] Fraze: [we all know he ain't staying to help either soz lads] Bea: [lol @ everyone else doing that work] Fraze: [do you wanna skip to later when they are both messier or go straight to the aftermath of this if she's going to the hotel?] Bea: [I vote still go home 'cos wasted enough money coming here it isn't like student funds goes that far Ro, gotta save for xmas too] Fraze: [honestly legit Ro you rude hoe] Bea: [we don't even need to be getting a travelodge honey, the sofa can stay so yes, we can skip] Fraze: [oh the joys, you messy bitches, so tempted to have him bring someone back for the drama] Bea: [that would kick off big time 'cos he's not allowed people at theirs 'cos it's their bed and she'd have to burn it lol, but he could not come back for drama but less than that if you wanna] Fraze: [good idea we don't wanna cause Bea to have a breakdown] Bea: [like I assumed you didn't wanna go that far lmao] Fraze: [I'm not that evil] Bea: you got your keys Fraze: I don't need 'em Bea: you aren't here, I had to go in and get some PJs Fraze: you don't need my permission to go in your own room Bea: I know, but I know you aren't back yet, is my point Fraze: By the time I am ma or da will be up, was my point Bea: alright Bea: I'm locking the backdoor too, as we're in the lounge Fraze: Don't be stupid Fraze: there's an empty bed, there's no point you sleeping on the sofa Bea: I've not slept in worse places Bea: it'd be rude to leave him on his own Fraze: and you wouldn't wanna be rude to him Bea: obviously not Fraze: obviously not Bea: How gone are you? Jesus Bea: well I've told you, so don't come through waking everybody up later Fraze: I've told you I won't Bea: you don't need my permission Fraze: I'm not asking for it Bea: then go do whatever you're doing Fraze: We can't even talk now Fraze: this plan of yours is fucking epic, like Bea: If you wanted to talk right now, you wouldn't be wherever the fuck you are Fraze: Nah, if you wanted to talk I wouldn't be Bea: 'cos that makes any sense Fraze: you couldn't leave fast enough, how else do you want me to take that? Bea: that wasn't about you Fraze: I never said it was, I said you don't want to talk to me Bea: would I have specifically taken a flight to come talk to you, when I'll be back for Christmas in a month? no, probably not Bea: that hardly means I don't want to talk to you Fraze: Do it then Bea: that's how conversation works now Bea: you demand it, I jump at the chance? Fraze: at least I'm making demands Bea: really Bea: how's that working out for you? Fraze: as well as the opposite is for you Bea: I don't want to talk to you, apparently Bea: nothing to not demand Fraze: you reckon you apparently do, there's loads to demand Bea: yeah, 'cos talking in circles with you right now is really thrilling Fraze: Thank Christ you've got him to talk to Bea: he's asleep Fraze: that makes sense if fuck all else does Fraze: 'course you'd leave it til then to say anything to me Bea: because I was going to go to bed and wanted to lock the door Bea: it's not anything more or less than that Fraze: so go to bed Bea: yeah, you aren't telling me what to do Fraze: I'm telling you to do yourself a favour Bea: you say what you like Bea: I don't care Fraze: I don't need your permission for that either Bea: then say something worth hearing or piss off and leave me alone Fraze: I meant what I fucking said, I don't wanna leave you alone Bea: Well good job because I am Bea: and no one has said fuck all to me today about it Bea: not even my sister Fraze: I'm sorry Bea: Yeah Bea: you've got loads to say? bullshit Fraze: There's fuck all I can say about this, we both know that Bea: No, there's fuck all you want to say about it Bea: 'cos no one wants to talk about it, so I don't get to regardless of if I might Fraze: Don't Fraze: you know me better than that Bea: Well why ain't you then? Bea: you're the one banging on about it, as if you've actually tried Fraze: I don't wanna be the cunt backing you into a corner and I know you better than to reckon that'd work Bea: This is working amazing then, alright Fraze: Well I reckoned you'd eventually come to me, more fool me Fraze: shit's changed Bea: Right, 'cos you made it so obvious you were up for talking Bea: saying you weren't coming Bea: it's encouraging, my mistake there Fraze: It should be obvious that you can talk to me about anything Bea: When Bea: you aren't here now either Fraze: whenever Fraze: you know nothing's more important than you Bea: okay Fraze: Say it like you believe me Bea: I can't Fraze: Bea Bea: I'm sorry Fraze: Don't Bea: you said things have changed Fraze: 'Cause they clearly fucking have Bea: They were bound to, I suppose Fraze: you could've warned me if you knew that Bea: What do you think taking a break was Bea: for you to figure out what you wanted Fraze: Don't blame me, I know what I fucking want Bea: Do you? Fraze: nothing's changed for me Bea: you can say that Bea: but this all points to the opposite, doesn't it Fraze: Bullshit Bea: You aren't here, we can't even talk Bea: nothing's the same now Fraze: What did you expect me to do? You pissed off with him, there weren't no invite going spare Bea: because you're an arsehole to him, I drag him here for the shittest party ever and then make you two have an even worse night out? what would be the point of that? Fraze: I'm not gonna cosy up to him, you do enough of that for the both of us Bea: I get it, you don't like him, that's why you weren't invited Fraze: You brought him, knowing I don't fucking like him, don't make me the cunt Bea: I'm allowed friends, no matter if you like them or not Fraze: we're both allowed to do whatever the hell we like, I ain't forgotten the rules Bea: as I'm not fucking him, the rules have nothing to do with it Bea: I never told you to not hang out with your mates Fraze: I'm not telling you what to do either, I'm telling you why I ain't there Bea: that's ridiculous Fraze: Fuck you Bea: it is, for Christ's sake Bea: he's asleep on the sofa not fucking me on our bed Fraze: you don't believe me, why should I believe you? Fraze: it's ridiculous that you brought him here in the first place Bea: I'd have time to be messaging you Bea: you're just being stupid now Bea: how is it ridiculous? Fraze: You've already made me look stupid Fraze: did it make you feel any better? Bea: To who, your brother, my sister? Bea: I couldn't be on my own today Bea: I tried and I couldn't, that's all it is Fraze: You don't need him, you've got me Bea: I'm not meant to come to you for everything, I'm meant to give you space Bea: give each other Bea: that's what this whole thing is about Fraze: this whole thing is bullshit Fraze: and even if I reckoned it was a good idea I'm not just gonna pretend your parents didn't die today to go fuck a Trinity student Fraze: there's a time and a place, like I said Bea: Fine Bea: well he's here now, what do you want me to do about it? Bea: I can't send him home Fraze: There's fuck all you can do, other than don't lock me out Bea: I knew you didn't have your keys Fraze: you do still know me then, yeah? Bea: If you hadn't forgot, you'd have lost them Bea: should probably change the locks, honestly Fraze: if you don't keep me out, I'll keep any robbing cunts out Bea: I'm not going to lock you out Bea: you don't need to promise heroics Fraze: I know you can't sleep, I'd be a new level of callous bastard if I gave you anything else to worry about Bea: it'd be a distraction Bea: doubt your parents would appreciate it though Fraze: Well I can easily give you one of them Bea: not that you rate yourself or anything Fraze: it starts with me, yeah, no fucker else is volunteering to sing my praises right now Bea: Poor boy Fraze: Don't rub it in how skint I am as well Bea: well you and me both Bea: be eating plain rice when I get back Bea: at least your ma makes sure you have decent food still Fraze: I'll send you something to put on it Fraze: or something to drown your sorrows with Bea: where do you think all my money goes, like Fraze: you and me both, babe Fraze: these Trinity girls aren't cheap dates, like Bea: My sympathy can only extend so far Fraze: the night off from it is appreciated enough Bea: uhuh Fraze: you don't believe me, I heard you the first time Bea: it was never part of the deal that we had to talk about it Fraze: I know Bea: so I don't want to Fraze: I'm shutting up and coming in Bea: Good Fraze: come and have a drink Bea: [does, of course] Fraze: [giving her the bottle for the mems of Jesus blood and always] Bea: [take a big swig like you need to remotely lol 'thank you' with sincerity at last] Fraze: [shamelessly checking her out in whatever pjs she's wearing obvs, though I vote she's wearing at least one item that belongs to him so he's like 😏 and gently pulls on whatever it is like that's mine without saying so out loud] Bea: [deffo, and has done it without even noticing so it's like oh, raising a brow like you want it back?] Fraze: [yassssss because they are that coupley goodbye but he shakes his head because looks better on her anyway and takes the bottle instead] Bea: [even though it would've been ages since you did that it's just habit, shrugs like 😏 your loss] Fraze: [such a LOOK of course] Bea: ['where'd you go?' like where did you go drink, not WHERE WERE YOU vibes] Fraze: [telling her the name of somewhere studenty with his own shrug, I like to imagine he's like casually getting ready for bed here also as a habit because it doesn't feel awkward to just get topless or whatever] Bea: [casual face of disdain but 'makes sense'] Fraze: ['nothing happened' because even though she said she didn't wanna talk about it and neither do you, you want her to know that and you're drunk enough to just say it] Bea: ['doesn't matter if it did' blatant lie but okay] Fraze: [a look because we know it's a blatant lie but we're coming to put our arms around her cos it's been such a shit day] Bea: [big sighs] Fraze: [just having a snuggle and it will forever fuck me up cos he's so tol and she's so smol] Bea: [OG tol and smol, we mumbling into his chest like scuse you what you saying] Fraze: [she's like me and Clove, failing to thrive honey, so if you think he's not cradling her like a little Clovey you'd be incorrect] Bea: [just have this moment of softness, gotta allow it] Fraze: [very deserved and needed] Bea: ['this is such bullshit' like true but specifics where] Fraze: ['I know' because you don't need specifics cos everything is for you too like you literally thought she was slipping away from you same as Joe did and you've realised you hate uni it wasn't just 1st year being crap] Bea: [that must happen so much 'cos allegedly everyone hates 1st year but then it just carries on like oh] Fraze: [it really does happen a lot hence he's like well shit it's not that and I don't actually wanna be doing this] Bea: ['there's fuck all to do, is there?'] Fraze: [repositioning however necessary for eye contact because there's always something they can do, that's like their entire mantra and we don't need to express that with words] Bea: [gestures like ugh I know that but seriously, right now, this has been hard since this time last year] Fraze: ['if you wanna throw all these bullshit rules out, tell me' like ldr exists babe we don't have to get randoms involved] Bea: [shakes his head 'it's about what's right and needs to be done'] Fraze: [kisses her like you can't tell me this isn't right gal] Bea: her* scuse me Bea: [going in on that kiss, not just so we don't have to sort this out but you know lollollol] Fraze: [likewise allowing it and not only from the standpoint that we need them to be messy and struggling for a while yet but also because he would] Bea: [deal with some of this tension hens] Fraze: [it's the first real chance you've had so I'm not gonna stop you] Bea: [it'd be silly to say it wouldn't happen so we cannot sorry] Fraze: [exactly] Bea: [okay, so obviously we're falling asleep together and equally as obviously you still have to be back asap for school etc so you're probably leaving early AM, not just for the drama of it lol] Fraze: [makes sense but I vote he brings you breakfast in bed before Bronson wakes up because 1. cute 2. you don't have to deal with Ro who's always up ridiculously early lurking and he remembered what you said about eating rice when you get back] Bea: [you've probably not had breakfast in a thousand years so that's a novelty] Fraze: [like it probably wouldn't be good cos he'd accidentally burn the toast or whatever thanks to how messy they were last night but the romantic gesture has been attempted] Bea: [tis the thought that counts henny] Fraze: [my thoughts exactly, just trying to look after her but keep it casual so she's not 😒] Bea: [we can't get too mad over some toast, even if we'd probably try not to eat it at first like g2g] Fraze: [gal you know he can keep you in that bed, don't test him] Bea: [or do, depending how much time you've left yourselves lol] Fraze: [mhmmm] Bea: [either way, you're leaving and you're gonna be folorn] Fraze: [literally would take all his willpower to not just come with you cos uni sucks but as you've not talking about it yet and can't really have the convo now that ain't happening hun] Bea: [soz babe, not at that realisation for a while yet but you did a good job sowing seeds] Fraze: [didn't wanna go too heavy handed with it because not gonna trump dead parents but like it is happening so] Bea: [you wanna end this here or do a bit of aftermath] Fraze: [I think we've covered a lot so tbh unless there's anything we want to specifically address in the aftermath it's probably good]

[rogue-barnes-16]

THE MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE OF NATASHA ROMANOFF (part II/?)

Summary: after the too convenient disappearance of Natasha Romanoff, the Avengers —a local biker gang— search for help in the most unexpected place in order to get their friend back.

Pairing: biker!Bucky Barnes x reader

Genre: angst-ish (biker gang au)

Tags:

The mysterious disappearance of Natasha Romanoff: @shirukitsune

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language.

A/N: lucky me, when I told you guys to choose a number from 1 to 12, 12 was the second choice. 12 was also the second part of this fic. I wasn't planning on starting this series so soon but meh, here it goes.

Part I

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

The steering wheel gripped, my jaw clenched.

"it's Natasha. She... Dissappeared"

I drove at full speed until I reached my building, and, once I exited my car, I made a beeline through the lobby to reach the elevator.

"it's Natasha."

I entered in my apartment and tossed the bag I had been carrying all the goddamn way to there. My door wasn't even locked before I kicked off my heels and started to unbutton my blouse.

"she... dissappeared"

All my clothes, one by one, had been discarded all over the hall on the way to my bedroom.

I let my body fall over my soft mattress, warm blanket and cozy pillows. I was so tired and my bed was so comfy.

It had been a long ass day.

My boyfriend refused to talk to me after the fight we had had; I argued with my boss and Wanda, my secretary and bestfriend got caught in the crossfire; I had to do a whole tone of work, and when I got out of the building, those two fuckers were there.

They had the nerve to come to my work place.

They had the nerve to come to me.

Natasha dissappeared, they had said.

And I didn't know why I couldn't get it out of my mind, because it couldn't be the first time something like that happened in their gang. They hadn't needed my help before, therefore, they didn't really need my help now.

No, it was a lame excuse to... God knows what.

I really could use some sleep, so I closed my eyes and let my body relax as my mind drifted off.

It's Natasha.

She... dissappeared.

I woke up after around three or four hours of tossing and turning due to the redhead's face coming to me every single time I started to doze.

Her eyes, her laugh, her smirk, her ferocity when she defended someone she cared about, when she defended me. All those moments in the bar she listened to my problems, all those times she sided with me even if that meant argue with her friends.

"what the hell?" I rhetorically inquired to myself, taking my hands to the sides of my head. "they got this handled, for fucks sake." I reminded myself "Stop overthinking"

A moment of silence, in which it seemed to me as if I was going to finally resume my sleep.

"fuck."

I left the bed and grabbed a clean outfit from the chair in my besides my desk. Ten minutes later I was heading out with my car keys and my phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You planning on letting me in?"

"are you gonna come in or...?"

Bucky and I spoke at the same time, which created an even more awkward situation. He moved aside for me to enter before the vibes were unbearable.

Once I had gotten in, I turned left and went upstairs, where I knew the living room was. "I saw Sam in the balcony." I informed him. "are the rest here?"

"Some of them, yeah" the brunette replied, walking upstairs right behind me. "we've been trying to figure out a way to solve this."

To solve what exactly? I had no idea.

Just like I had no idea of how they could possibly need my help, and, most importantly, how the fuck I could help.

The first person I saw when I entered was Steve. He was sitting by the window in the largest couch, which wasn't that large. Besides him was Rhodey, who gave me a grateful smile that spoke by itself.

Sam got in the room accompanied by Clint who seemed to be complaining about something, until he saw me. "Holy fuck." He then stopped dead in his tracks, with disbelief in his gaze.

"Hey Barton" I greeted him with the most sincere smile that I could find in myself, which sure wasn't a great one.

But honestly, could they blame me?

"Hey Y/l/n" his voice spoke the astonishment he felt more than his words did. "Holy fuck." He repeated, which teared a chuckle from me.

"Okay" I spoke after a moment of uncomfortable silence, at least for me "so... is someone-"

Hesitant steps were heard coming from the third floor, and I turned around, waiting for whoever else was in the house. The rest turned to the stairs too, but they knew who was going downstairs.

"Buck, is that Y/n's car?" the brunette, green-eyed girl had been making her way to us until she saw me standing mid-way between the living room and the hall. "oh my God."

Rebecca, Bucky’s younger sister, didn't think twice before stalking into the room in my direction before crashing against me in a hug, which I instantly returned.

"I missed you so damn much" her whisper was muffled by my jacket. "oh my fucking God."

A smile tugged the corner of my lips "missed you too Becca" I pulled away, just to properly see her. "You look different"

"I chopped my hair off" she stated proudly, as if I hadn't noticed the most obvious thing of her change of style.

"looks great"

One of the boys cleared his throat and I remembered we weren't alone.

"okay" I spared Rebecca one last smile before walking towards the boys. "someone explain what happened. Like" I gave them all a warning look. "I want an actual explanation, not just one dramatic statement." My eyes landed on Steve, who had already his eyes shamefully fixed on the ground.

"C'mon Becs"

Becs.

No one would call Rebecca Becs apart from Bucky. No one was allowed too, because Rebecca hated it, except when Bucky said it.

When I first came to know about how it started with her older brother teasing her, it seemed so adorable to me, yet so hilarious.

I looked over my shoulder to peek at Bucky, whose hand was on Rebecca's back to guide her out of the room.

"I wanna know what happened too" she complained in lower voice, almost pleading her older brother with her jade eyes. "Nat's my family too."

Bucky denied "we talked 'bout it Becs. 'M sorry" what happened next, for some reason, shocked me and confused me at the same level.

Bucky glanced at Barton and gave him an almost imperceptible nod, right before leaving her sister and shutting the door behind him.

"Natasha was spying on someone" the dirty blonde man spoke. "She'd been for a while and-"

"who?"

"it's better if you don't know" I scoffed. "she would call us twice a day."

"until she didn't" I finished his explanation. "why was she spying on that someone"

"we owed a favor" Sam joined the conversation with that short and vague statement.

"to whom?" I questioned with my arms crossed over my chest.

"we can't tell you." Steve's words made me lose the one bit of patience that I had left in my body after a sleepless night and an stressful morning. "we really can't."

I tried to cool down before speaking, still, my words came out sharp and tense, and just a bit frustrated. "why am I here? Where's the rest?" they exchanged a couple of hesitant looks. "why. Am. I. Here."

"Y/n" Rhodey's voice was careful and worried as he meticulously measured his words. "we really need your help. We have nothing else, no one else, but we're gonna need you to trust us."

My humorless, sarcastic laugh was accompanied by a scoff, which made it sound even more dramatic. "that's not happening." shaking my head no, I turned around to leave.

I was rushing down stairs when I heard Bucky’s voice. "Y/n, wait" for some reason I didn't acknowledge, I did wait. "where are you going?"

"home." I bitterly stated. "I don't even know why I came in first place"

" 'cause you got a gut feeling" he walked downstairs when he was sure I wouldn't leave immediately. "and 'cause Nat's important to you."

He leaned against the corner of the wall, waiting for me to say something.

"why the hell did you leave the room?"

It was obvious that my question took him by surprise. "uhm" a frown made its way to his confused gaze. "I thought it'd be better if I wasn't there."

If you didn't have to see me, his blue eyes said.

"this is your house"

"I don't want to make it to make it more difficult than it already is" he shrugged, fidgeting with one of his rings. "I already fucked it up at the parking lot and--"

"Bucky" I pinched my nose, feeling the headache that would come sooner rather than later. "I didn't even know they were here" I clarified. "I came to see you"

His confusion grew in his face as he pushed himself off the wall with questioning eyes. "I mean-- why?"

"you said it." the car keys that I had picked out of my pocket while I traveled downstairs, returned to their original place. "I got a gut feeling. A bad one." I looked through the small window besides me. "You told me I was your only option. I came here 'cause I wanna help." he pressed his lips in a thin line. "I came for you to tell me what's happening, but no one tells me anything."

Silence.

"Bucky, I can't help if I don't know what's happening."

More silence.

"And y'all can't ask me to trust you." that was an actual warning, and he understood. "so either you tell me or--"

He walked towards me and reached behind my back to grab what I knew was his leather jacket and gloves, which he always kept on the hall besides the main door.

I spun ninety degrees and moved aside for him to have it easier to put his jacket on. "here" he handed me what used to be my bike helmet and grabbed his own.

"Where we going?" I inquired, making my way side by side with him towards his garage, already zipping up my leather jacket.

"Need a coffee." He replied climbing on the bike. "a good one. What 'bout you?"

He was already putting his helmet on, and I took it as a queue to hop on top of the back seat of his bike. "I could use one, yeah" I mimicked his previous action and, when I heard the engine, I secured myself by holding onto him.

"we'll talk while we have that coffee, okay?"

"Sure" I agreed, right before the bike took off at an insane speed, which made me hold onto him tighter.

Maybe, just maybe, I missed it a little.

[fitmydaydream]

Apologies - Part 3

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Prompt: Shawn becomes miserable after Y/N left for a so called break. But how long will the break last? Will Shawn be able to win her back?

Word Count: Almost 4k

A/N: Well who knew I would be writing a part 3 to this but here we are. I cannot thank you guys enough for showing so much love to me. I'll forever be grateful. I love y'all babies 🌸💕 Also this part is gonna be a bit longer so hold on tight!

One week. It has been one whole week since Shawn has last seen you walk through the door. One week of utter heartbreak. One week of loneliness and sheer regret. Shawn has been through it all.

The morning after you left, Shawn woke upto a cold hard floor realising he had cried himself to sleep on the floor only. Flashbacks of the last night hit him and there he was back again, grieving over your absence.

He called you several times but you didn't pick up even once. All his calls went straight to your voicemail and all the messages remained ignored. Every moment was stabbing him in the heart, blaming himself for all the mess. Oh god if only he would've acted a bit responsible.

The deadline was approaching near but he didn't care about it now. Whenever he would try and sit down to think about a song, his thoughts would get distracted and he would always end up thinking about the words you said.

You broke me in the blink of an eye Shawn.

A tear would slip down his cheek and he would wipe it off. He wasn't able to focus anymore. He was ignoring all the calls he was getting from his management team and has not been to the studio since the last week giving an excuse that he was working at home.

Brian and Andrew sensed something was up and decided to visit him due to his lack of presence in studio and the halted progress in work. Analysing the mess he has created out of himself and his surroundings, they decided to bring up the question.

"What do you think you're doing with yourself?" Andrew asked.

Shawn looked terrible. Red eyes, purple under eyes bags, messed up house and his lack of presence of mind were all evident of the fact of the immense effect it had on Shawn when you left him that day. He was not eating properly and probably was not in his best state at all.

"What? I'm working on stuff." Shawn said bluntly.

"Oh is it? Let me take a look at your work then. May I know where is it?" Andrew asked clearly pissed off.

"Jesus! Do you need a fucking proof of everything? I said I'm working on it!" Shawn argued.

"I know you're lying to my face Shawn. Otherwise why would you stop coming to the studio all of a sudden. Why would you even ignore our calls? Hell you even fought with Y/N. What's the problem man?" Andrew asked bluntly.

"That is the bloody problem Andrew! That is the bloody problem! She left. Y/N left!!!!!!" Shawn yelled.

"W-What?" Andrew was confused.

"Yes she fucking left Andrew after all that I said to her. I broke her terribly. I hurt her like an enemy and now she left and I don't even know if she's coming back or not!" Shawn broke.

Andrew was shocked. He stepped forward to put a hand in consolation over Shawn's shoulder.

"I get-" Andrew said but was interrupted.

"No you don't get it okay! It has all happened because of you people!!!!" Shawn shouted.

"You all are crazy. You all want me to follow my passion but at the same time want it done so quickly like I'm working on a damn written assignment or something. It's music for fuck's sake. It takes time you know? It requires thinking and a lot of emotions attached to it. It can't just come up with a song like that. I'm not even happy with my work anymore because you guys always want the work on your table so on time like some fucking dinner oh my god. And because of this, I've not been able to even talk properly with Y/N since the past several months as you guys always want me to be in the studio. I left her when she needed me the most. I ignored her. I didn't say anything because I thought this all was happening for good but no it wasn't and here I'm in the midst of a hell hole. I watched her walk past that door after begging her to stay and I don't even know if she'll ever be back? How am I supposed to focus Andrew? Tell me? Does this make you happy? Are you happy that I lost her?" Shawn was on the verge of tears with his voice cracking.

"So you're now saying that this is all because of us don't you? What fucking lame ass excuse are you giving us for a breakup which you were responsible for Shawn?!" Andrew said angrily.

Brian told Andrew to shut up just for once because this wasn't the right time to argue with Shawn.

"Yes I only mean what you're hearing? You're sick. Your whole management is sick. Thinks people are fucking robots or something. You and you management can go and fuck yourself!" Shawn retaliated.

Andrew was done with him. Brian dragged Andrew outside before this could get anymore ugly.

"What are you doing dude?" Brian whisper yelled.

"Wh-what I am doing? Didn't you see him being such an immature and irresponsible guy. It's like I don't know him and how the fuck did he dare to put this all on us. I'm-"

Brian interrupted " I know buddy. He's not in a right state. You know how much he was attached to Y/N. He loved her to death and with her leaving him now, he has totally lost it. He needs consolation and help Andrew and not people reminding him it's his mistake because he surely does know it. You and me we both know that he's not totally wrong about what he said about the management. It's partially our fault too you know? He worked more than he needed. You know what I mean right?" Brian asked Andrew and he kinda nodded slightly but not too much.

"I'll talk to him. I'll also try to talk to Y/N and see if this gets any better. But for now, give him a little more time for he is going through a lot right now. He's in pain and needs help okay. You can go now and I'll try to talk to him about this. Just be cool huh?"

Andrew nodded and went for his car. Brian sighed in relief and went inside. He saw Shawn sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

He walked up to him and placed a hand on his knee asking "Hey buddy! How you doin'?"

"What are you here for now?" Shawn mumbled against his hands.

"What? I'm here to check up on my buddy. Gotta see is he's doing okay?"

"Well then you're gonna be really disappointed because I'm a screwed up mess right now. I don't know what to do. Y/N isn't picking up any of my calls neither is she replying to my texts. I think she hates me now and probably won't ever be back and all this wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have been a dick to her. So there's that and I'm doing just fine I guess?" Shawn rambled.

"Woah! Woah dude slow down. So you're telling me you just called and texted her and never actually tried to go after her or chase her? What difference is that gonna make Shawn? What are you thinking?" Brian said surprisingly.

"What do you mean by that?" Shawn asked looking up, confused by what Brian was implying.

"You gotta reach out for her Shawn duh?" Brian raised an eyebrow hoping Shawn would get the indication.

"I'm not really getting you Brian. Stop beating around the bush and get to the point!"

"God! Are you really that dumb or do you pretend to be one. Well seems like you are actually dumb because what I'm trying to say is you got to reach out for her in real. All these texts and calls about how much you miss her and love her will not make any progress buddy. If you really love her so much then you gotta tell her about it. You've to find a way to meet her. I don't know how but figure it out before it gets too late and she changes her mind to not come back to you. Time is precious and you've already lost a week. Go after her. Chase her. Are you getting what I'm saying Shawn? No one considers a mere call or a text expressing your love or regret as a solid way to apologise you know." Brian asked.

"Oh shit! What was I thinking?" Shawn sat there wide eyed.

"Exactly. My point. But it's never too late. You've still got time. Think about a plan and chase her. As much as I know Y/N, Shawn she really loves you. And if you assure her that you're never gonna mess things up like this again and show how much love you hold for her, I'm sure she's gonna consider you another time."

"Yes I think you're so damn right. I should go but she's living with Noah and as much as I know Noah she won't let me meet her after seeing what I did to Y/N. She's never gonna let me meet her." Shawn ran his hands through his hair in frustration and groaned.

"Dude did you lose your brain somewhere or threw it into trash can someday because you're fucking stupid. Who told you to go and ring the bell and be a gentleman? Figure out her room and climb through a ladder like a romeo and get inside your Juliet's room and do your thing bitch!" Brian exclaimed.

Shawn stared at Brian for a minute as if he was a superhuman. He mentally face palmed himself for being so dumb and wasting so much time texting and calling her. Suddenly, he hugged Brian tightly.

"You're a saviour Brian! Thank you so much! God knows how much time I would've really wasted if you wouldn't have been on time here." Shawn said a bit happily as he got some hope that maybe he was not that late that he has imagined himself to be.

"You're welcome pussy." Brian said smiling. "Now go and do it! Good luck mate! I'm sure she's gonna be back and everything is gonna be alright! Just don't bring your defeated ass back home. Bring home victory!"

xx

It was raining and you were driving your way back to Noah's home after a tiring day at work. Yes, work. You decided to go back to work since sitting idle was eating you up and bringing back bad thoughts and memories which were never really helping you.

It has been one week since you walked out of that door and last seen Shawn's face. You wouldn't deny that you missed him. You missed him like crazy. And you were still in love with him.

You wondered how he must be doing. Would he be fine? Would he be sad? Would he be over you? Would he be expecting you to be back? Endless thoughts circled your minds daily and it was hurting you.

You also debated with yourself at times whether you did the right thing or not and that was the most scary part. You tried talking to Noah about this and it kind of helped.

"Y/N honey" she' sighed. "It was a decision you thought about right? It wasn't taken in the heat of the moment. You were hurt too much. Anyone who would've been in your place would've considered it to be an appropriate thing you know? I know what you're thinking but you needed some personal space to figure things out and that wouldn't have been possible if you would've still been there right? So stop beating yourself up" Noah said calmly.

You wouldn't deny that it helped talking to Noah about this but not that much that you expected. It was still bothering you.

You pulled your car in Noah's driveway and turned off the ignition. You signed and rang the bell. The door opened and you were greeted by Noah talking on her phone to someone. She smiled at you and you smiled back at her. She continued talking on her phone in a low voice but it was still audible to you.

"No I can't you know about Y/N right. She's sick and she has been living with me since a week so I gotta take care of her. I'll come in the next one for s-" Noah whispered.

You snatched the phone from her and answered "Actually Y/N is well and I would absolutely love to come around tonight. I'll be there at 8. Bye."

"What the hell was that Y/N? Why would you do that? You know I don't wanna leave you-"

"I know Noah and that's why I'd to do that. You've already done so much for me and I'm so utterly thankful of you that you stood by my side all the time and took care of me like a baby. But I'm fine Noah. I just want you to go out and have some fun and not avoid this just because of me. That'll make me feel even worse you know." you said while making a puppy face which you knew Noah couldn't resist.

Noah gave you a genuine smile and hugged you. You hugged her back.

"You bitch! You've to make that face don't you" Noah said and you chuckled.

"Yes and now go, get ready. Dress up sexy and get some ass." you said with a wink and Noah fake gasped.

After about an hour you saw Noah get ready to leave.

"I'll be back early. You'll be alright?" Noah asked you in a concerned way.

"No way! You'll not be back before 12 I'm ordering you girl. You better not be back home before that otherwise I won't let you in" you said in a made up manly tone.

"Okay mom!" Noah said and hugged you goodbye.

"Just drive safe and have fun!" you shouted behind her and she nodded while driving away. You sighed somewhat in relief and happiness. But now you were all alone. It was raining outside making it a gloomy evening.

It was already half past 8 so you decided to have a light dinner and retire yourself to bed by 9 after a good bath.

You couldn't help the thoughts about Shawn in your shower. How beautiful he looked when his lips curved into a smile, how the crinkles by his eyes appeared when he laughed flashing his perfect teeth, the way his perfect lips felt upon yours and how he was the ultimate source of happiness.

You shook your head to clear your thoughts. You turned off the shower and got out of it. Then you changed into your pjs and a loose t-shirt and snuggled yourself into the bed with the curtains wide open. You stared at your phone screen displaying hundreds of voicemails and messages that were not still opened by you and your hands itched to do that.

You watched the rain pour down and the thunder striking which always scared you. This reminded you of how Shawn would cuddle you in his arms whenever the lightning struck. A tear slipped from your eyes.

This was too hard. You wanted to go back to Shawn. You began to contemplate your decision whether you were right to leave him or not.

Shawn loved you. He moved away from his family and friends to live with you just because he loved you. And you knew how suoer stressed he gets when it comes to music. You thought whether you did the right thing to leave him when he needed you the most. He said you gave him motivation and what did you do? You left him? Yes he was wrong to say such things to you and heck even he did a mistake to ignore you but were you intending on taking a revenge from him instead of that? You loved him right?

Your thoughts were interrupted by a heavy pounding on your window. You were startled by the sound. You raised your head to get a better view and saw some wet curls slowly emerging up. You froze in your position. It was the person you were just thinking about. It was Shawn. He was trying to get inside. This is was all too much to process.

He was dripping wet. You realised you were staring for too long when he got restless and the pounding got faster signalling you to let him asap.

You ran towards your window and opened it. You helped Shawn get inside and he got you wet also. You quickly closed the window and went to grab a towel for Shawn to dry himself out. You handed him the towel while you caught him staring at you. You stared back at him.

This was such an intimate moment. You both were not saying anything. Just looking at each other, taking all in. It was like one of the many times when you both saw each other for first time. This was beautiful. He was beautiful.

"Come back Y/N" Shawn blurted out.

"Wha-"

"You heard it right baby. Come back. Just come back to me. It's too hard without you Y/N. Life's hard without you." Shawn said. He stepped forward and held your arms gently.

"I mean it. I love you Y/N. I love you with all my heart. I can scream it to the whole world and not feel even a tad bit of ashamed by it. I'm so disappointed in myself so much that I can't even tell you. In those past days, I just wanna tell you that it took everything in me not to run back to you every minute. I hated myself for doing this to you. There was not a moment when I didn't think about you. I wished I could just take all that back and tell you that you were not even near to what I said to you that day baby." Shawn's voice croaked.

"Shaw-" he put a finger on your lips.

"Shh! No let me speak today baby."

You were starting to tear up. He moved his hands to your cheeks and cupped them.

"Look into my eyes Y/N. Don't they scream about the love I have for you. Y/N you've saved me everytime I was about to fall. You are the power I have that keeps me on my toes. That keeps me motivated. You're my strength baby and not my weakness. You've that magic that helps me keep my shit together and not make me feel otherwise. You've been there for me when I used to feel so hopeless and useless. I don't wanna miss you like this Y/N. I want you like you used to be with me. I want you back. You keep me sane and at the same time you drive me insane. I love this contrast in my emotions when I'm with you. I'm at my best when I'm with you." Shawn was now crying. Light sobs were escaping your lips.

"What we have Y/N is so beautiful and magical. If I'd known what you were feeling like, I swear my love that I would've never left you like that everyday and would never have played so nonchalant. Distance, timings, breakdown, fightings and silence, we've been through it all. I don't wanna lose you baby. I've my whole life planned with you before my eyes. I always see you walking down the aisle and holding your face gently and kissing you in front of our families. I already see you as the mother of my children baby. I wouldn't trade this for the world. This is so precious Y/N. Just come back to me. I'm apologize with all my entire heart for all the nights I left you alone when I should've held you in my arms and have told you that it's gonna be fine. I should have been there for you when you woke up in the morning to kiss your lips. I regret not doing all those things in those past months which I intend to do now. Don't let this go Y/N my love. Don't let our forever get ripped into shreds babe. Just come back. Just come back baby." Shawn whimpered.

The look in his eyes said it all. The pain in those eyes were evident of the immense fear he was experiencing of losing you. It spoke to your heart directly. Someone once said that fall in love with the eyes because they never change. You saw it today. His eyes still held the same amount of love and tenderness as they'd when he first declared that he loved you. You were looking into eyes while you brought his face closer to you with your hands. Shawn placed his forehead on yours and you both were crying. It was getting too emotional. Shawn wiped a tear that was streaming down your cheek with his thumb and touched his nose with yours.

"I'm sorry" you whispered through sobs."Don't be. It's me who's at fault." he whispered back.

"No baby. I realised I left you when you needed me the most. You begged me to say but I couldn't hear you over my ego. I'm so sorry baby." You whispered against his lips.

"No baby. That was not your ego. That was your dignity and I'm so proud of you that you stood for yourself and kicked some sense into me." he cried softly against skin.

"I love you Shawn. I love you so much. We are not meant to fight like this. I miss us. I miss how we used to be. This love is good and you're the best thing that has ever been mine."

"I love you more baby. So fucking more. You're my life, my forever and my everything. I promise I'm gonna make this all better. The stakes will always be high but I'm ready to fight the world when you're right beside me holding my hand. I'm not gonna treat you like I did. You're my princess baby. No one can take what is ours and I'm fearless now."

You cried against his lips even harder. You took this moment to crash your lips against his. Shawn's hands held you closer to him by your waist as much as possible while your hands went from his chest to behind his neck where you interlocked them. The kiss was passionate, desperate and so loving. You bit at his lower lip. Shawn leaned into you more to make the kiss more intense. His hands roamed all over your body like a nomad wandering for his home. Your heart was healing with every second of this kiss. You realised this was all you'll ever want. His tongue delved into your and explored it with so much intimacy. You tugged at his curl which made him moan into your mouth. Suddenly lightening struck and you pulled out of the kiss, scared. Shawn looked at you and sensed that you were afraid so he wrapped you in his arms and kissed your head. You got engulfed in his scent and realised no place could be safer that his arms.

"I'm cold Shawn" you mumbled against his chest. " Well then I know just the right way to make you feel warm" Shawn said and you felt him smile against your forehead moving his lips straight down to your neck and kissing your skin over there. It was finally time to say goodbye to all the hardships and anguish and the perfect moment to celebrate the victory of love.

xx

I hope you guys liked how I ended it?! Feedback is cool! Also, if you've any ideas for any future imagines feel free to share with me ♥️ MASTERLIST

[injusticeff]

Chapter Eleven

Simone

My leg was shaking uncontrollably as I just stared helplessly at the hospital floor.

The suspense of having to wait to find out his condition was agonizingly painful. Nae had been trying to calm me down for the past hour and a half but my heart was still beating so fast that you could barely tell it was beating at all.

I asked the nurses about it a few times but they told me I'd have to wait for a doctor to be updated but they were just taking too fucking long. It's too late for me to be stressing like this, I haven't slept all night and I was covered in blood. Well my clothes anyway, I washed the rest off of my skin once we got to the hospital. People were looking at me like I had just killed someone but honestly, right now, I don't even care.

I could faintly feel Nae rubbing my back in circular motions to try and comfort me. She dropped everything she was doing just so she could come here and be with me. I don't think I could be more grateful, I'm not sure if I could be here waiting alone and still have my sanity. I have the man I love's blood all over me and I feel so useless like I can't even do anything to help him right now. Sane was the last word that you could compare me to.

My eyes were red and swollen from having cried so much and my nose was that shiny tint of pink you get when your nose has been blown into a tissue too much. Saying all this to say, I looked a hot ass mess. But the only thing I could really think about was Saint and the entire time I've been here, I've just been hoping and praying that he was okay and he would pull through this because of how strong he was and be cracking jokes whenever he woke up.

Imagining it all caused a slight giggle to escape my lips. I could just picture him waking up to my face and saying some corny shit like, "Is this heaven?" because that was honestly the way he is. Trying to lighten the mood even when it seemed like nothing would be able to get you out of the funk you were in. But somehow, he did it.

And I just don't want none of that to go away. We're happy and I know, for me, he'll toughen up and make it through this. I just know it. He would never leave me and Junior here.

"Are you ok?" Nae asked to finally break the silence.

But all she earned back from me was the sucking of my teeth and the shaking of my head. That was a stupid ass question and I think she knew it, she just didn't know what to say. I can't be mad at her for that but I'm definitely not answering it.

Suddenly, a person in a white lab type coat was standing in front of me causing me to immediately stand to my feet with hope in my eyes. "Are you the girlfriend of Christian Mendéz?"

"Y-Yes, is he ok?"

He gave me a knowing look causing any ounce of hope I had left to instantly vanish from my body. "One of the bullets unfortunately got itself lodged three and a half millimeters into his heart. By the time we were able to successfully remove the bullet, there had just been too much internal bleeding. We did everything we could. I'm deeply sorry for your loss."

"No..." I said this as more of a shock than a response before feeling myself unwillingly drop down to my knees, letting out a loud sob soon afterwards. "NO!"

Nae immediately rushed to my side to hold me and for some reason I wanted to push her off but in all honesty, her shoulder was so comfortable that my head didn't feel like moving. I was rocking back and forth and just kept repeating the words "no" and "please." I'm not sure exactly who I was talking to but I just couldn't stop. They slipped out as fluidly as my tears did.

This all had to be some sort of sick prank, right? I mean Saint couldn't really be gone, that doctor was probably lying to me because of Dom. There's just no way Saint could have given up like that, he's strong.

Standing up, I headed over to the reception desk with Nae attempting to pull me back but I quickly snatched out of her grip. "Hi, I need to see Christian Mendéz. Could you tell me what room he's in please?"

Instead of typing away on her keyboard to find out where he was, she gave me the same look the doctor did. Fuck this, I'll look for him myself then.

"Ma'am, I—"

I didn't even stay there to listen to whatever excuse she had to give me. She was probably in on the sick joke too, all of them were. I began to go room to room, desperately searching for my man in high hopes that they were all lying to me and being paid off. "SAINT!!" I called out with every other door I went to. "SAINT, WHERE ARE YOU?!"

It didn't take long for one of the security guards to come and grab ahold of me. "Miss, you can't be screaming like that in here." I forcefully snatched away from him too and continued my search.

"SAINT!!!"

Feeling strong arms wrap around my body and lift me up, I instantly started kicking, trying to maneuver my way out of his grasp. "Get off of me! I have to find him before something happens to him!" But instead, I was being dragged out of there for causing a 'disruption.'

"Stop. Stop, I'll take her home." I heard Nae's voice through all of the chaos and honestly, I barely remembered that she was still here.

The security guard stopped in his tracks to look down at her but that didn't stop me from attempting to get out of his hold. I had to. "Is she going to cause any more trouble if I let her go?"

"No." Nae quickly responded back while shaking her head, giving me pleading eyes. So I stopped squirming.

Once he let me go, he escorted us out of the hospital building and as soon as he was out of sight, I turned to Nae. "We have to find a way to get back in there and go get him. I don't know how but we have to."

Her eyes were glossy like she was about to cry just looking at me then her arms came out and both her hands rested on both my shoulders. "Simone, I'm so sorry." I shook my head and tried to move away, not wanting to hear anymore of the bullshit leaving everyone's mouth. But she grabbed me by my face and turned it back so that I was looking straight into her eyes. "He's gone now baby girl, I'm sorry but the hospital wouldn't lie to you unless they want a major lawsuit on their hands. He's gone." She reiterated to me causing me to close my eyes, trying not to cry again but it was no use.

"No, he can't be."

***Flashback***

He led me into his closet causing me to instantly furrow my eyes. "This is what you wanted to show me? Baby, I've seen it a million times already." I giggled out.

I know damn well Saint wasn't trying to show me his clothes like I haven't seen him in every bit of them and... might have probably definitely stripped him out of a few of them too.

He moved several of his jackets to the side causing me to widen my eyes at what I was seeing. He then got hold of a neatly cut square of plaster from the wall and removed it, revealing a shoebox just sitting there in that hidden hole.

"Damn... you must really love those shoes." But the box was of a shoe I've never even seen him wear before. Can't love a shoe that much if you never wear them, right? Now I was curious.

I looked over his shoulder as he sat the box down and opened it up. My eyes were now nearly popping out of their sockets as they focused in on the stacks of cash sitting right there in that shoebox. Has that been here the whole time and I didn't even know?

He turned around to face me with the box full of money in his hands. "I've been saving this for a while now. And if anything ever happens to me, I want to make sure you and Junior stay safe. Nobody else knows 'bout this and I wanna keep it that way, aight?"

I quickly nodded in response, not knowing anything else I could say at a moment like this. There was a whole box full of cash behind the wall in the closet that I haven't known about for months.

"This was originally just in case I needed it for something but now, this is strictly for y'all. I don't touch this money except when I'm putting more in there. There's a couple ten thousand in here but honestly I lost count after $15k."

I stumbled back, honestly a little dazed. Fifteen thousand. I've never even seen that much money in one place before, much less hidden in the closet I get dressed in every single day. "I don't want you to touch it either 'cause you know I got you but if something ever does happen—"

"Don't worry because nothing is gonna happen to you." I quickly cut him off so he could stop sitting here and jinxing himself. My comment earned a smile from him causing my own grin to start forming on my face as I leaned up and pressed my lips against his. "Thank you." I whispered against them, kissing him a few more times because I honestly didn't want to stop.

I was falling in love with this man. And hard.

***Flashback ends***

Me and Nae were in the car and when I saw her take the turn down my street, I instantly shook my head. "No, I can't—" I sighed heavily, trying to get my words together. "I can't sleep in that house. Could I maybe stay with you tonight?"

She nodded in response and turned the car around. I honestly wasn't sure how Saint's house was looking right about now since we left in such a hurry but I just couldn't be there. And I definitely wouldn't be able to get any sleep there.

It felt like too short of a drive on the way to her house but I spent it watching all of the trees and road signs go by. They were at least a distraction for a little bit. Once we got there, we both hopped out and she guided me to the front door, occasionally rubbing my back since my head was down while we walked.

"Do you have some pajamas I could borrow?" I asked once I finally realized I didn't have none over here and I definitely wasn't about to stay in these clothes all night. Luckily, I had some jeans and a couple of t-shirts over here to get dressed in tomorrow but I always slept with Saint so I never really needed anything to sleep in.

She gave my body a once over. "Well, you're definitely thicker than I am but I'm sure I could find something that fits you. I wear baggy clothes all the time." I only nodded in response. "You can take a shower in my bathroom, you know where the washcloths and towels are. You can leave your clothes on the floor, I'll put them in the wash."

I didn't do much talking but the feeling of the water from the shower head hitting my skin felt almost euphoric. I wanted to stay in here forever. Forever had to be cut short though because I stayed in there so long that the water got freezing cold and even then, I didn't come out right away.

Once I finally did have to come back to reality and get out, I got dressed and laid in Nae's bed. I'm guessing she took a shower in the other bathroom because she came back only to throw her clothes in the hamper and pick up mine to put them in the wash.

When she was done doing that, she came back in the room and grabbed one of the pillows on her bed before turning to me with a sullen expression on her face. "I figured you might want some privacy so—"

"No! Please don't leave me in here by myself. I'm not gonna be able to sleep." I quickly called out once I noticed her starting to walk out of the room.

She gave me a small reassuring smile before coming back to the bed and laying on the opposite side of me. "Come here." Holding her arm out towards me, I took the invitation and laid my head down on her chest as she began to rub circles on my back to help me fall asleep but all it did was remind me of when we were at the hospital and tears couldn't help but to fall from my eyes once there wasn't anything happening to distract me anymore.

He was really gone.

Antonio

She giggled lightly causing a smile to form on my face as I shook my head. “Nah, for real though Bree. I fuck with the way you look when your hair’s in a ponytail. You can see every little beautiful curve on your face.” I hesitated for a moment before pointing. “Like how your cheeks pop when you smile or laugh.”

“Whatever, you must tell that to all the girls huh?”

I shook my head in response. “You’re too special for me to be treating you like some other female.” My attention averted to her finger and I gestured a slight nod towards it. "I see that ring on your finger though. Congratulations ma."

I guess me saying that caused her to straighten out her face as she stared at me, as if making sure what was said was genuine but I've never been anything but genuine with her so there's not even a need to search.

"...Thank you." She gazed down at her finger with a small wistful smile. "Yea, my boyfriend just proposed to me not too long ago." After revealing that small piece of information, she slightly hesitated for a quick second before sighing causing me to furrow my eyebrows at her in question. "Why are you so nice to me? I mean the first day we met, you took the time out from your work and staff just to cheer me up."

I shrugged. "What's your point?"

"My point is why? I didn't even know you existed until you sat across from me in my booth."

Chuckling lowly, I shook my head and carefully thought out my next words before I spoke. It's true that I don't take the time to cheer every single customer up the way I did her but there was just something that drew me to her that I couldn't really explain to her nor myself. "I'm gonna let you in on a little secret," I leaned in closer to her causing her to involuntarily do the same in response, "I just wanted to see if I could make you smile. When you first came into my restaurant, I could tell something was wrong just by your vibe even though you were trying to hide it. I couldn't help myself, I wanted to put a personality to that beautiful face."

A blush slowly began to show itself on her face after everything was said causing her to cover her face to try and hide it but it was too late for that, a nigga already saw it and I would be lying if I told you that it didn't make me smile too.

Honestly, I had been waiting for the day to come where she questioned why I decided to approach her the way I did. The only simple answer I could really come up with was that she had this sort of gravitational pull about her.

And whenever we speak, I know she can see and feel the heat and desire between the both of us.

I know she doesn't want to admit it since she has a boyfriend and I'm perfectly fine with that. I've never said or did anything to disrespect what they got going on but I'm also not going to lie and say that I don't feel something when I talk to her. And I know she feels the same way just by the way she goes out of her way to come to the restaurant and talk to me just about every other week.

I even found out that the first time we met, she balled up the paper with my number on it and tossed it on the ground. She was pretty embarrassed about it when she told me but I had to let her know that she needs to learn how to trust herself. It's not like I was overstepping my boundaries or anything, I just want to be her friend.

Even if she's one of the sexiest hispanic woman I've ever seen. Everything about her is mad adorable but fortunately for me, I know how to keep it in my pants.

"You really think that about me?" She finally responded to what I had said with a blush causing me to break away from my thoughts with an amused chuckle.

As if anything I've ever said to her was a lie. "Of course I do. You dead ass one of the most interesting females I've met since I moved down here... and it's been some years."

She giggled lightly and shook her head before looking me straight in the eyes. "I know how to tell when someone's lying, you know."

"By all means then. Work your magic and let me know if I'm lying or not."

She stared at me with an unreadable gaze, a smile slowly forming on her face once she realized that I was one hundred percent about what I said. Shit, if I felt any different, I probably wouldn't be this persistent with her.

"So?" I asked with a raised eyebrow as she continued to grin at me.

Playfully rolling her eyes once she realized I wasn't backing down, she nodded as she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth. "Alright alright, you may not be lying to me this time but that doesn't mean you won't in the future."

"So you're saying there's gonna be a future with both of us in it together then?"

I earned another blush from her as she covered her face with her hands and laughed at my response. Licking over my lips, I sat there and waited for an answer expectedly causing her to remove her hands from her face and raise both of her eyebrows with a shrug. "Maybe there is, who knows? Only time will tell."

"Well you know if it was up to me, there would be. So really our future is in your hands right about now."

"Well," She lowered her voice as she leaned in a bit closer to me, "I guess we'll just have to see then, huh?"

I didn't really have any response but a nod as we both stared at each other from across the booth, although we weren't really that far from each other considering we were both leaning towards each other a bit. My eyes couldn't help but to roam her facial features as I noticed hers doing the same.

Her skin looked soft and blemish free, her hair fell perfectly draped around the shape of her face, and the way she wrinkled her nose a bit when she smiled was really doing something to me right about now.

Don't get me wrong, I want to respect what she has going on with ole dude since she's already told me so much about it but I just couldn't help myself from looking down at her lips with pure lust in my eyes. I wanted to see how they felt.

I unwillingly found myself leaning in, noticing her doing the same once I realized that our lips were nearly centimeters apart from connecting with each other. Her eyes fluttered closed as our lips came closer and closer together before she quickly reluctantly pulled back from me causing me to clear my throat and sit back as well.

"Oh. I, um, I can't do this." She stuttered out, frantically grabbing her things and standing up from the booth rapidly. I grabbed her by her wrist to stop her from going but she only looked back at me and pulled away. "I'm sorry but I-I have to go."

Hurrying out of the restaurant, she took one last glance back at me before leaving. As soon as she was out of sight, I sighed heavily and ran my hands over my face.

I really fucked up.

I didn't want things to just end the way it did so I decided to pull out my phone and shoot her a quick text, not really expecting her to respond but I still sent it anyway.

To: Bree 👸🏽

sorry if you felt like I was pressuring you or sumn, I hope it don't fuck up our friendship 💯

Tucking my phone into my pocket, I decided to stop slacking off and get back to work. My workers have definitely took notice to me suddenly disappearing from the back all of the time now. Me and Bree might just have to find a new meeting spot... if we ever even get to meet up again.

Just thinking that way caused another sigh to escape my lips before I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and was instantly surprised that she actually texted back. To be completely honest, a nigga thought he was never going to hear from her again after this went down. Even though we didn't do anything, I know we both wanted to and I think that's what scares her.

From: Bree 👸🏽

No. It's not your fault. I'm just... really confused rn. I'll ttyl.

Confused about what? It's obvious she wanted to kiss me so I know she wasn't confused about that.

Fuck.

In the heat of the moment, I didn't even remember that she's somebody's fiancé. That probably just made things a whole lot worse for her. I don't have anything tying me down but it's different on her end.

"Hey boss, we got a customer out here that wants a refund." One of my workers abruptly interrupted my thoughts as soon as I got to the back causing me to sigh since I just came from out there.

Walking back up to the front, I approached the customer from behind the check out counter and I could already tell she was about to be on some bullshit. She had a stank look on her face that caused her wrinkles to stand out more and she was going back and forth with the cashier. Lord, please give me the strength.

"No, I don't care about your stupid policy. I want my money back now! You know what, where's your manager?"

I quickly stepped up from watching the situation with a forced smile on my face. I wasn't in the mood for this bullshit right now. "That would be me."

"Yes, I want a refund on my meal. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be and I don't like it." She showed me the plate and my face instantly straightened out as I glared at the plate with narrowed eyes then up at her with that same icy stare.

This bitch.

There wasn't even anything left on the plate except some fucking onions, peppers, and other condiments from what I'm guessing was either a chicken, steak, or shrimp fajita dish. She's trying to finesse me and I'm not going for it.

"Ma'am," I said calmly but really I was seething, "First off, ain't shit on that dish. Second, our policy clearly states that in order to be refunded, you must have at least majority of your food untouched. I'm sorry but I can't give you a refund on this, you ate everything but the toppings."

She scoffed annoyingly. "No, I didn't. My husband picked through and ate all the chicken and shrimp. I didn't eat anything—"

I cut her off with a nonchalant shrug. "Well then I guess you better call your husband up here and make him pay for the food since he ate it."

"No no no, he already paid for his food and he's not about to pay for something I didn't even eat."

"Ma'am. You're not getting a refund. Thank you and have a nice day." I said in response before turning and walking away, earning shocked glances from her and a few of my workers. When I tell y'all I'm not in the fucking mood, I mean it.

I know I definitely just fucked up big time with Bree, the last thing I need is some annoying ass customer trying to get over on me and my workers. It just wasn't the time.

To: Bree 👸🏽

look, the way we left off got me feeling some type of way. could you call me whenever you're free?

After I sent that text, I decided to just clock out and leave work early because it was clear I couldn't handle customers with my head in a bad space. And until I know me and her are okay, my attitude not going to be right at all.

Damn, I need a drink.

Nae

My shirt has been damp all day since Simone’s been on and off with her crying. I could tell she’s trying not to think about it too much but losing someone you love is hard for anyone.

It’s been a couple of days now since Saint’s death and his family was holding a funeral service. Simone didn’t want to go there alone so she asked me to come and even though I didn’t know him and his family very well, I wasn’t going to just leave her hanging at a time like this.

So what did I do? I got my ass up early as hell on the weekend, got dressed in all black and took her back to her place for a few minutes so she could grab something to wear for the event and also a few extra outfits since she didn't feel like being back in the house any time soon and I don't blame her at all.

Her boyfriend died in that house.

Of course it's technically a crime scene now but they have no leads as of now. Simone told them about her baby daddy but they couldn't find any actual evidence linking him to the crime so he's probably pretty happy with himself right about now while she can't stop crying her eyes out.

Her eyes are always swollen and glossy nowadays, I really hate seeing her like this. I wish there was something I could do to help but right now, I think letting her stay with me is the best thing that I can do for her because I know she wouldn't have anywhere else to go if I didn't.

Once she got her outfits, she didn't even stay long enough to get dressed for the funeral, she just changed in the car on the way there since her hair was already done in a low ponytail; courtesy of moí. I tried my best not to sneak any peaks out of respect but damn, does she have a nice ass body.

The car ride was silent just like most things with her have been for the past couple of days. Pulling up to the church where his family was holding the service in, she stared at the building for a few seconds before taking a deep breath, letting out a shaky exhale soon after.

"I don't know if I can do this." She finally broke the silence, her voice cracking as soon as she spoke.

I furrowed my eyebrows. I knew she might get cold feet but I really figured she'd want to be here for this. "What? Why not—"

"They're holding an open casket." She interrupted, shaking her head as a couple of stray tears fell from her eyes. "I can't see him laying there. I just want him to wake up and tell me he loves me and that he'll never leave me already." She pauses for a few seconds as her head hung low and her voice shrunk into a quiet squeak. "He said he'd never leave."

Turning off the car, I hopped out and made my way around to the passenger side where she sat before opening the car door and taking her face in both of my hands, forcing her to look me in the eye. "Just think about saying your goodbyes. You never got to but now's your chance."

"Yea, but he can't hear me so what does it matter? He's dead and he's not coming back no matter what I say or do or how much I pray for this to all be some kind of twisted nightmare."

Honestly, I had no idea what to even reply back to that because I've never had to grieve over someone I was extremely close with. Yea, I've had friends that passed but not anyone who I spent literally every waking day with. I can't even imagine the type of pain she's feeling right now so I feel like I can't even comfort her like I want to. Nothing I say can make this situation better in any way.

She let out a low sigh and got out of the car, closing the door behind her and wiping her previously crying eyes. "I have to do this for him. I have to be there every step of the way because I love... because I loved him."

Nodding in response, I gave her a quick reassuring hug and walked with her towards the entrance of the building that was just sprinkled with crosses all over. I'm not really the type to go to church so I'm not even sure how comfortable I felt right about now but I wasn't really worried about my feelings anyway.

Once we got inside, we had to sign our names in this little book then go find a seat but we didn't really have to search long because Saint's family had saved Simone a seat up front next to them. They must have known how much she meant to him and how much he meant to her.

The first thing we did was approach the casket to pay our respects and Simone seemed fine in the line going up to the stage but once she finally got in front of him and saw him laying there lifeless, she immediately broke down. I went to comfort her but stopped in my tracks when I noticed that a muscular arm had already thrown itself over her shoulder in a hug causing me to look up at the culprit. His skin was the same color as Saint's, he had a low cut beard with a few greys poking through, and tears were unwillingly falling from his eyes also even though I could tell he was trying to be strong and hold them back.

Simone hugged the man back, whispering a muffled apology into his chest. "I'm so sorry pops." That's when it clicked in my head that he was Saint's dad and was more likely in just as much pain, if not more, as Simone so I just let them have their moment as the line continued to move. His dad soon pulled away from the embrace, wiping his tears with the back of his hand and taking one last look at his son up close, leaving the both of us with a sad sniffle.

Before we left the stage, Simone kissed the tips of her fingers and then placed them on his cheek as she cried out a soft ‘I love you’ before making her way to her seat with me following closely behind her and taking the seat next to her. I felt so awkward because I didn't really know what to do or where to be or what to say. I was just a presence here for whenever she needed comforting.

Some more of his family members began to stop by us to hug Simone then quickly found their seats since service was about to begin soon. I just sat quietly throughout the entire couple of hours we were there, occasionally rubbing circles on Simone's back whenever she began to cry at something that was said about Saint.

***

We got back to my house and as soon as I got in my room, I immediately plopped down on the bed. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not tired because I'm not really used to waking up this early so my sleep schedule is all fucked up.

But for some reason, I couldn't seem to sleep so I reached over into my nightstand and pulled out one of my pre-rolled blunts. I keep a few for when I'm too lazy or too high to roll a blunt and today was one of those days.

I pulled out my lighter from the same spot, sparking up the blunt soon afterwards before letting out a slow exhale of smoke. The light grey smoke quickly blended in with the rest of the air surrounding my room as I took another long pull from it.

Simone was silently laying next to me and from the corner of my eye, I noticed her eyes averting from me to the blunt rapidly causing me to turn to her with my eyes furrowed. "What? Never seen someone smoke before or something?" I joked with her but of course, I didn't get any type of giggle in response. She didn't even crack a smile which caused my own to fade as I turned my attention back so I could take another puff, feeling the intoxicating high soon take over my body as my eyes lowered a bit. Damn, I love weed.

"Can I get a hit?" She finally spoke for the first time in a couple of hours causing my head to immediately snap towards her, my expression wild as I looked at her like she was crazy.

Did she think I was mental or something? "Girl, you buggin'. Have you forgot that you're pregnant or...?" I really don't think she's thinking things through right now, she's just grieving too much.

"I just... I just need something to take my mind off of things." She responded by fidgeting with her fingers, purposely avoiding eye contact with me as she spoke. It was good that she did though because the look on my face would probably have her feeling even more like shit.

"At the risk of your baby?"

She instantly smacked her lips and looked back up at me. "Look, I don't need your judgement right now, all I'm asking for is a hit."

Shaking my head, I shrugged and shoved the blunt towards her. "Whatever."

Once she grabbed it from me, I stood up from the bed and went to change my clothes. It wasn't really necessary but I felt like I just needed to get up and do something because that whole situation slick just pissed me off.

All I'm doing is trying to protect her and the new life she's bringing into the world but she's going off on me? I got up so I could calm down because I know it's not really her fault, she's just in a bad place right now. She's never snapped at me like that but I had to put myself in her shoes even though I don't agree with her smoking while she's pregnant.

She's an adult and can make her own decisions; even if I wanted to, I can't stop her. And I'd rather her smoke my weed than get something from one of these laced ass crackheads hanging around trying to get everyone else hooked on their shit. Like nigga, not everyone wants a sprinkle of cocaine in their weed. You got that.

I came back out into my room in a t-shirt and black basketball shorts before dropping back down onto the bed, holding my hand out so I could get my blunt back since she's had enough time to get a few hits.

"Alright, you asked for a hit. Now hand it over pothead." I laughed out, attempting to lighten the mood a bit since this day has been pretty dark; even for me.

She let out a few light coughs as she took one last hit and handed it over to me. I was about to put it to my lips when my gaze averted downward and I caught sight of how much was left, instantly making a face. This girl really smoked half the blunt in like two minutes. "Damn, chiefin' ass."

That finally earned a laugh from her causing me to do the same as I shook my head. And I couldn't help but to think, "Damn, it's been a minute since I've seen your smile." She then turned to me with an unreadable look on her face and that's when I realized that I was thinking out loud. I widened my eyes for a quick second. "Shit, I didn't mean—"

"It's ok, I know I haven't been the most fun to hang around these past few days." Her head hung low as she spoke making me grip her chin in my hand and bring her back up to face me, tears just barely forming in the brims of her eyes.

"That's not your fault. I'm not expecting you to be all happy and giddy right now, I just missed seeing you smile. That's all."

She flashed me a small forced grin and looked back down to avoid my eyes as silence swept over our conversation. I really didn't know what else to do at this point, we were both high and she was hurting so... I quickly pressed my lips against hers only to be shoved away not even a second later.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" She stood up from the bed and stared down at me with angry eyes as she wiped her mouth free of any leftover saliva. Well damn. "That was too fucking soon Nae. I just—"

She didn't even bother finishing her sentence before she stormed into my bathroom and slammed the door shut, immediately locking it afterwards. Once she was out of sight, I buried my head in my hands and let out a heavy exaggerated sigh.

What the fuck did I just do?

[noa-ciharu]

Here comes the promised crack gay horny cliche beach episode. If you see plot holes that's the whole point. Long and somewhat suggestive so under cut.

xxxHolic:

Since time and space are subjective in xxxholic universe, Watanuki the whore version arrives first. If you wonder how he left the shop that's the first plot hole. I said time is relative but they showed up at 6am. Something about finding place on beach before everyone shows up. Moving on. He recalled time prior to slutification and how he was once on beach with Yuuko, Himawari and Doumeki. He tried to swim but since he weight the same as napkin he almost drowned. Doumeki recused him with 😐 expression. He ended up buried in sand and covered by sea waves. Yuuko refused to help. This flashback is necessary because we get a shot of Yuuko in red bikini.

Clamp please I'm begging you 👀🔥 🙏

Now that Yuuko is gone, Watanuki took everything of hers. Robe, pipe, wish granting shop - everything. Only natural he showed up in red bikini. Doumeki finds it hard to keep 😐 face this time around. Still he managed.... somehow. Watanuki may be a ho there but he's still dense. He asked Doumeki why he has tracksuit wrapped around waist. Himawari laughed, but Watanuki never figured out why. Still never mind that, he thinks, he made food for everyone. Just like last time on beach wind blows and sand gets into bento. Last time Watanuki was screaming outside, now he's just screaming inside. Power of slutification.

Himawari gets them sunscreen bc y'all just know all xxxholic characters would burn if they spend more than 5 mins on sun pale like that. Himawari asks Doumeki to put it on Watanuki but he refused. With 😐 face and tracksuit around waist. Go figure.

After taking girl pics together Himawari coaxes Watanuki into going into water. He might have undergone slutification but didn't weightgainification so first wave spirals him around like he's on carousel. That's all fine and dandy unfortunately bikini top falls off. That's what you get when you're flat as hell and wear Yuuko's bikini top Watanuki. Ofc he can't lose it so Watanuki carelessly splashes around to get it. He catches the bra eventually but only to realize 1) he's 30 meters away from shore 2) he still can't swim. Ofc Doumeki the personal bodyguard comes to rescue.

He puts Watanuki's head into his lap and performs CPR. Himawari goes all Tomoyo and takes pics of their first kiss. Finally Watanuki realized why Doumeki keeps tracksuit wrapped around waist.

Somewhere in heaven Yuuko is grateful for her red bikini. Clow asks her to wear one on after life's beach too, but she says only if he wears it first. They show up in matching bikinis. I'm not responsible for mental damage caused by that imagery.

TRC + CCS:

TRC gang shows up around 10 am. They have more common sense. Kurogane wanted 6am, Fai wanted to sleep till 2pm so they settled in the middle. They have Tsubasa and Mokona with them. Fai leaves in normal male swimwear but once they're on beach he says he has to change. Before Kurogane can express confusion Fai strolls towards changing booth. When he comes out he's on this:

Kurogane wants to die on spot for multiple reasons. However that's just beginning of Fai's hoeness. They paid for 3 longue chairs but only 2 are present (Watanuki experienced internalized biphobia after CPR and in fit of rage threw one at Doumeki. It ended up in sea), so they have to share. Fai insists Tsubasa has one for himself. You can imagine how sharing between Fai and Kurogane goes. Mokona tells Tsubasa to go get them all drinks... and take a while.

On the way to beach bar Tusbasa runs into Syaoran, Sakura, Tomoyo and some talking plushie. He thinks he's hallucinating due to sunstroke but then again he has talking pork bun (in Kurogane's elogent words) on his shoulder so touche. Sakura and Syaoran are all cute and blushing next to each other, it reminds Tsubasa of him and his Sakura (Tsubasa???) when they were kids and went to beach. Nearly drowned but Clow Reed pulled them out. Something about having to live through various timelines and things. Nevermind that, he's worried those two kids would pass our from heatstroke given how red in face they were.

Tomoyo is beside them taking pics and recording everything. She later posts it all on social media ofc. Tomoyo has been waiting for Sakura's beach episode, she's been designing her swimsuit for months. I've tried to find a pic that represents the costume in few mins but 5 min search isn't anything in comparison to 3 months of searching, designing and sewing. Power of lesbianism is unparalleled. Sakura sees Tsubasa and blushes hella hard bc is that how Syaoran would looks when he grows up??? She's 🥺😳🥰 but little Syaoran is jealous and hissing like a cat. Touya senses Syaoran is throwing a fit and comes to tease him further. Syaoran is so red in the face and pissed off he walked into ocean to cool down. He doesn't stop walking, just strolls down into ocean further and further. Plot armor is protecting him.

Yuki comes to pick up his bf and prevents him from throwing hands with 12yo. They're building sand castle and flirting with each other. They've been for it for 2 hours, put alot of effort in sand castle. They made this:

It's the flag that counts. Just as Touya is about to get over pinning phrase (but yes they're dating) and finally kisses Yuki, wave arrived and clushes the castle. Yuki pouts but angsting isn't his sphere so Yue emerges. Unfortunately not in bikini but his usual outfit. He pouts freely. Touya says fuck it he's too cute and leans in to kiss Yue but another cockblock wave arrives and catches Yue. Unlike Yuki Yue had those angel wings so he stands there like drenched cat, totally disgusted he's wet. Water personally offended him.

Tsubasa saw it all and is like "thank God my family is normal at least". Then he turns around and sees Kurogane swimming with Fai draped over him. Yes he's still in bikini. Mokona is also building a sand castle. In 15 mins she made this:

Tsubasa wonders if he's the only normal one there. He goes to grab another drink.

When he comes back he sees Fai putting sunscreen on Kurogane's back and moaning how "daddy is so strong". People around are video taping. Kurogane starts choking on pinata. Fai instantly performs CPR on him. Tsubasa goes for another drink.

TB/X:

Seals arrive at 5pm. Look, they're all teenagers, they all sleep till 2. What they wasted 3 hours on? Choosing appropriate outfit for Kamui ofc, they can't risk Fuuma potential showing up and seeing him in speedo. Or bikini. Aoki and Karen are with teen Seals too, to parent them. But they end up in beach bar and Aoki is more looking at Karen's legs than kids. Look, he's a rare straight man in X and it's Karen. Lack of reasonable adult supervision is needed for setting up a stage.

Kamui is having normal teenager moment for once (will it last? Ofc no) by playing around on ocean with Yuzuriha and Sorata. Arashi is dreadful about relaxing too much so she arrived in shorts, white tshirt and swimsuit underneath. Sorata is thirsting so he tries to splash her shirt but she moves out of way in last moment. Subaru is just arriving - he gets splashed instead. Subaru didn't plan on swimming so he showed up in normal clothes. Now he's forced to strip to boxers and wait for jeans to dry. Everyone is grateful ☺ Even Nandarou, who is on top of bar pretending to be a decoration, is like 👀🔥

In meantime Angels are chilling in Government building when out of sudden Seishirou insists they all go to beach like RIGHT NOW. Fuuma is like wtf but Seishirou explains Kamui is there too. In intresting clothing. Fuuma is already calling taxi for them all. Except Satsuki, she said fuck that power of friendship and gayship. Kusanagi isn't there bc reasonable adults being present will ruin the plot.

Aoki, Karen and Subaru are in the bar when suddenly they see Angels. They get in defensive stances (Subaru realizes he has 0 ofudas since he's in boxers only so he sits down embarrassed) but Fuuma is like "oh haven't you heard? It's a beach ep! It's anime rule no conflicts occur". Kanoe and Yuuto and Seishirou, who showed up in suit, stay in bar. Fuuma tells Kakyou he could use some skin tan so he pushes wheelchair in middle of the beach. He's given sunscreen but cant move wheelchair from all that sand. Still, since Fuuma showed up in these:

Kakyou thinks it's better to get hear stroke than see what Fuuma will be up to.

Seishirou is trying to woo Subaru by ordering him cocktails but it's both working and not. After hour of UST Seishirou recalls Subaru told him decade ago he can't swim, so he offers to teach him. Subaru, now tipsy, agrees. They're in water (😎 still in suit), but instead of gripping onto him all sexily in fear of drowning, Subaru accepts his fate. He falls below the surface and doesn't even try to raise up. That's where Seishirou suggests he teaches Subaru to swim in shallow waters first, like hotel private rooms jacuzzis. Noone sees Subaru for next 10 days. Each day for year of UST. Hokuto is having a field day somewhere in afterlife, Kotori is worried about her. She asks what happened and she's like "My OTP I died for became canon 🥳🥳🥳"

In meantime Nataku and Fuuma arrive to where teen Seals are. Fuuma sees Kamui and goes horny over roof. Seals are like there are other people around but that makes things better in Fuuma's opinion. Seals scream how they spent 3 hours choosing least kinky outfit for Kamui and yet it still didn't work. Kamui is in these btw

He bought them when they were 50% off. Hinoto told him they might come in handy one day. Kanoe confirmed so it must be true.

Sorata is trying to woo Arashi by being knight in shining armor (swimsuit) but remembers last second he's in water and his ability is electricity. So Fuuma pushes Kamui down the sand. Unfortunately they fall over Yuzuriha's sand castle so Inuki gets mad. Fuuma gets cockblocked by a puppy. But that doesn't stop his horniness. Nataku and Yuzuriha are both puzzled over Fuuma's swimsuit, especially now that front is in 3D. They wonder if it's really wish granting machine. Fuuma says that works only if you're Kamui. He's like "really? If I wish for apocalypse to be solved will I get my wish granted by rubbing? 🥺" and Fuuma is like "yes of course 😏". Unfortunately for Fuuma Sorata and Arashi saw what Kamui began doing so they pulled him away.

They had enough so they go to fetch the adults. They're all drunk and Subaru is missing. Sorata runs back to Arashi and yells Subaru is missing. "What a coincidence, Kamui is too". Sorata is losing his mind but then Yuzuriha (who befriended Nataku) says he's not missing, just Fuuma rolled him down on sand, it got into his swimsuit so Kamui went to changing booth to get it out. Good Sorata thinks. Then he sees Subaru being carried bridal style but completely drenched Sakurazukamori in suit and sunglasses at 42°C and that's it - he's hallucinating. From all running around sun got to him, theres no other. He sees some blond miserable twink in wheelchair and goes to ask him if he has sunscreen.

Kakyou says he gave it to Fuuma. Where's Fuuma then, Sorata asks. Kakyou tells him he went to change. Sorata counters back how there's only one changing booth. Kakyou signs and murmurs something that awfully sounds like 'fuck this gay Earth'. What the... Sorata pauses. Sorata thinks. Sorata realizes. Ah to fucking hell.

Arashi comes 30 mins later to tell him Kamui just informed her they don't need to worry about apocalypse. He solved it.

Do you know what all clamp mangas need?

Beach episode

FINALLY SOMEONE WITH SENSE

Imagine what we could have if seals and dragons decided to take a break on the end of the world and go to beach?? Imagine how feral fuuma would go on semi-naked Kamui and the other seals trying to horny Control him??

Imagine tsubasa chronicles if tsubasa, fai, kurorin and mokona ended up on tomoeda's Beach and ccs syaoran and Sakura were there with family???

And we haven't seen whore watanuki on beach yet, only school boy watanuki. WHERE IS MY WATANUKI WEARING YUUKO'S SWIMWEAR CLAMP

WHERE IS MY CHAOTIC AND ROMANTIC AND HORNY AND GAY SCENES CLAMP