#I can't tell if that speaks to his lack of self worth or if it's just really patronising

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Danny 'I don't do weird' Pink frustrates me as a character, because I'm honestly not sure whether he was supposed to have an arc or not.

His primary role is as a foil for Clara's arc and, in aid of that, as a mirror to the Doctor. A solider with survivor's guilt and a man of action who can't stand by when people need help etc., in some ways he and the Doctor have a lot in common, but he's also a very grounded and circumspect personality versus the Doctor's being fantastical and adventurous. Danny isn't curious and doesn't want to pursue new things or experiences, instead he wants to be fully present with and grateful for what he already has. The Doctor is incorrigibly curious and always interested in new things.

Danny is someone who desires nothing more than an ordinary life, and looks for beauty and satisfaction in the normal things and people around him. He wants his world to be small and quiet, he values the mundane things others might take for granted. He's normal, patient, dependable, simple, honest, etc. His reaction to trauma hasn't been to disavow the things which lead him to that event, or to seek out stimulation to avoid thinking about it, it's to be thoughtful and cautious and somewhat rigid so he can always apply the mindset and skills he retained from before he was traumatised.

He's very firm and unbending in his worldview and in his self-image. He doesn't seem to ever reassess people once he's decided what he thinks of them. He's not unreasonable or unwilling to compromise, he is in fact maybe too reasonable, but he is implastic. He's extremely even-tempered except for around his identity as a soldier, which he's prickly about, but still pretty quick to let it go as long as he's not being deliberately antagonised.

So anyway Danny represents this other path, and this opposite response to the horror of war and making a catastrophic mistake, but he never learns, he never grows and he and Clara are never much on the same wavelength about anything. He's supposed to be stability, the things she 'should' want, the 'person she's supposed to like', the safe choice, the presentable life which Clara feels like she has to have. He's orderly and ordinary and that's what she wants from him. She has to control her image, her future, and her options.

And their simple relationship, once it exists, functions well as the contrast to her complicated and tumultuous relationship with the Doctor while the companion power dynamic is being dismantled and rebuilt so they can be emotional equals. But like, the set up is confusingly executed.

Listen- they have zero chemistry, they have nothing to talk about and have to resort to talking about work, every conversation goes instantly off the rails, they rub each other the wrong way, there is never any reason for them to keep reconciling and trying again to connect. Like. You are not hitting it off! and keep offending each other bc you're not compatible! Quit!!

Clara is forcing it, that makes complete sense with what she's going through, she's trying to take control of her life and her emotions, trying to prove to herself she's not pining for the Doctor and at the mercy of his whims for her life to be full and complete. She doesn't want to need him or to be dependant on him. She doesn't want to be the heartbroken sadsack whom he abandoned at Christmas or who will take whatever scraps he'll throw her. She wants to control his position in her life and control how she feels about him. Hence her assigning him a specific day and confining their adventures on her own terms. She's trying to keep the Doctor compartmentalised. Having an Appropriate Human Relationship means she's successfully put the Doctor in his box (lol) and neutralised the chaotic power of her feelings for him. I mean, obviously not, but that's what she tells herself.

But what is Danny doing? Why does he keep pursuing this when it's so clearly not a good match?

Again in Listen, and much more so The Caretaker, Danny illustrates that he does not know who Clara is, he's wildly wrong about her and what she's like, and he's very high handed about it as well. He's convinced that the Doctor is taking advantage of her, that the Doctor is domineering in their relationship, that she is not a person who wants to be put into challenging or dangerous positions, that the Doctor is pushing her to takes risks and become a leader where that's not her nature. None of this is true. Clara was always a decisive, assertive, strongly driven person who seeks out new experiences and naturally assumes a leadership role any time that's necessary; she relishes being challenged and facing the unknown. Her blow up with the Doctor wasn't about him 'pushing her too far', it was about him failing to support her when she needed him and condescending to her as a human rather than treating her with the intimacy and equity their bond and history together demands. It's personal and it's about their emotional relationship. It's not about making hard choices, it's about having to make hard choices without her partner being honest with and emotionally available to her.

Clara was always an adventurous person, willing to be spontaneous as long as it's on her terms, and excited by the prospect of authority and responsibility. The danger and challenge isn't an unfortunate side effect or a risk she has to take to see amazing sights, it's part of the appeal. She lied to Danny by omission when she said she went off in the box to 'see wonders', not just because the real reason is that she's in love with Doctor, but also because she doesn't just want to be a tourist. She wants to get involved and save people, she wants things to sometimes go pear shaped. She enjoys and craves that part of it too.

Danny is also wildly wrong about the Doctor, but this is understandable and would be fine except that he's never corrected? He never learns better? What's the point?

In Death in Heaven Danny goes out still wrong about the Doctor, still condemning him cruelly and unfairly while knowing nothing about him. He had a point with some of his original rant, there was actual insight there, but it's buried in assumptions and bitterness and then Danny keeps tripling down on the assumption. The one which doesn't understand that the very thing he's shitting on the Doctor for (being willing to lead and make hard choices that must be made in order to save people) is something the Doctor has in common with Clara. And always has. The Doctor didn't change her or push her into that, that's who she's always been.

What is the point of Danny calling him a blood-soaked general and mocking him, calling him an officer as a pejorative again, and again because the Doctor is trying to save the planet. Like, memory check, that's what Danny is mad about. The Doctor doing everything in his power to save literal billions of lives. Doing it for no reason, out of altruism. Doing it while always trying very hard not to fight or kill anyone. Doing it even at enormous spiritual cost to himself.

I don't understand how we're meant to find Danny sympathetic in that moment, because he comes off like a complete dickhead. And it's all the more frustrating because in the intervening episodes Danny has been eminently reasonable. As I've discussed before, we're exhaustively shown that Danny is 100% okay with what Clara claims is going on, that he doesn't want to get in the way of her friendship with the Doctor, that if it really were only the relationship she's pretending it is, there would be no conflict. He's the one who encourages her to make up with him after Kill the Moon! He tells her to go on travelling and it's fine!

Even when he discovers she's been lying to him and cavorting with the Doctor behind his back (again despite him telling her it was fine with him!), he's calm about it and repeats for the millionth time that all he wants from her is honesty. The truth. Which is the one thing she can't give him because Clara knows their entire relationship is built on the lie, they're only together because of the lie. The truth is, as Moffatt said, that Danny never stood a chance. There is a conflict between the two relationships and she's always going to choose the Doctor.

And that does come out, she gives the whole speech to Danny, not knowing it's him, finally being honest. And he seems unsurprised by it, which makes sense because on some level he definitely always knew ('do you love him?' 'no' 'really had enough of the lies'), but then nothing comes of that. Clara just soldiers on, going right back to pretending this relationship wasn't a façade doomed from the start, and Danny allows her to pretend. He goes off on the Doctor, but not in a way the Doctor actually deserves at all, and just sweeps her confession under the carpet. Letting her get away with it again. True to form, I guess! he always did. But shouldn't we make progress?

And it's like... I hate that he dies on that note. It feels like he dies in denial. I guess you could argue it contributes to his decision to not come back, but that feels like a disservice to the character. Saving the kid is important to Danny, it allows him to atone for his greatest mistake, but he didn't need to change or grow to accomplish that and it doesn't provide any closure to his actual role in the narrative, which was as Clara's foil. Clara is off the hook, free to go on lying to herself about their relationship. It's not addressed in Last Christmas, either, it's only barely hinted at.

[rmbunnie]

It's most likely just Starlin trying to get to Jason dying faster because he did not like Robin, but the whole "Jason's spiraling because of his grief for his parents" thing they were trying to spin was honestly really weird, not supported by the rest of the run INCLUDING the parts Starlin wrote, and kinda reads like an unreliable narrator situation because all of the information supporting it is given through Bruce's narration, him speculating on Jason's thoughts and actions.

The plot thread of Jason's grief for his family affecting his behavior shows up like TWO issues after Jason first becomes Robin back when Collins was writing, and gets sorted out after one conversation where Jason gets to confront Bruce about hiding his father's death from him for 6 months. After that Jason is behaving normally until they encounter three predators in a row, and each time Bruce insists that they can't do anything because of The Rules and assorted red tape/diplomatic immunity plotlines. (The sister of a woman who got dismembered actually tricked the violent-misogynist killer who dismembered her sister (and then got his serial killings dismissed through a technicality) into attacking her, and ends up killing him in self-defense, and then Jason's like "seems fair" and Bruce is like "no. it's NOT. we need to follow laws and not take justice into our own hands. which like wtf Bruce! you are a vigilante who just used a custom tank to fight an evil televangelist! who then got ripped to shreds by his followers while you watched!)

Bruce kinda just decides with Alfred that it must be grief upsetting him and not the dozens of brutally killed women and their predatory killers who the law inexplicably protected, (all written by Starlin, so retconning it for DitF like five issues later would be an odd move) but the only text claiming that's why Jason was upset is from Bruce's POV and through Alfred's dialogue. Jason himself doesn't display any signs of grief in the story itself, or even act or speak in a way that alludes to Catherine and Willis beyond looking at a picture of them and smiling fondly while he sorts through their possessions. He kinda just happens upon the box with his mother's info by chance, and is like ok i guess we're doing mom searches now. He was only going for a walk through his old neighborhood, not actively searching out info on his family. When Jason is deciding whether or not to run off without telling Bruce, he considers telling him and then goes "no, all he cares about is being Batman, he wouldn't even understand why I want to see my mom." Which, I mean, "Bruce wouldn't get it" is a REALLY odd angle if the sole motivator for spiraling, then getting benched* and running away to search out his bio-mom, was because he was mourning his dead parents, a thing he notably has in common with Bruce. That statement only really makes sense if he's thinking about a different thing that was greatly upsetting to him that Bruce brushed past, like maybe a combo of hiding the murder of his dad for half a year and allowing several cases involving sexual violence to freely develop body counts in the name of the law.

Lots of people have written about how Jason's stay in the manor might have seemed dependent on being Robin with how he was kinda just scooped up, but (if we're including Detective Comics in our characterization,) Bruce had offered to let him resign from Robin and just live with him (a little late, but still. It's worth noting Batman proper shows Jason afraid and uncomfortable at the thought of Dick taking Robin back, which lends more merit to the housing-dependent-on-Robin-misunderstanding interpretation, but canon is pick and choose anyways.) The lack of trust involved in his choice to search out his mom kinda reads like it was bred by more than that alone, and Bruce's prioritization of the law over the protection of the people it ignores is notably upsetting to him in the prior issues. tbh I really do believe the outcomes of those cases could have informed Jason's stance that Bruce's method of justice is ineffective right alongside his own murder and his experiences in Lost Days.

It would make sense for Bruce to not consider his own actions while he's thinking through things that would upset Jason, because from his point of view the things there that were bothering Jason were the criminals alone, not the way that the methods with which they were approaching their crimes continually led to the perpetrators evading actual justice. During the point in DitF where he's thinking through motivations for Jason's running away because something isn't adding up for HIM, the idea doesn't so much as cross his mind. It would also add another layer to Jason's sulkiness upon Bruce's arrival if he held the belief that Bruce is ignoring the consequences his brand of justice has on victims (and the way it's affecting him to helplessly watch it play out), starts to hope that Bruce actually can understand his thought processes/relate to him when he shows up, only to be told to his face that Bruce is prioritizing his style of justice over Jason again. With the way everything that led Jason to his bio-mom was comically circumstantial and the context of the previous issues, it's kind of the ONLY way Death in the Family makes sense to me. Tldr: I feel like the grief claimed as reasoning for Jason's actions leading up to his death is mainly speculation from Bruce and Alfred and the more textually-supported reason for his erratic behavior and lack of trust in Bruce is the lack of intervention in several sensitive cases that led them to worsen unobstructed and eventually permitted them to escalate into casualties in 2 out of 3 cases.

*Also, side note, but the idea that Jason got benched for the Filipe situation, while perfectly reasonable, is not quite spot on. The Filipe situation escalated into the fight in the junkyard where his dad is crushed by a car and Bruce is all "everything you do has consequences" which is kinda big words for a guy whose lack of action indirectly lead to a girls death earlier in the storyline, but true. Jason actally gets benched because he jumps directly into gunfire while fighting the third set of predators and Bruce starts to worry he's getting a little suicidal with it. He baits a guy into shooting at him on purpose again trying to protect mom prospect number 1 later on in DitF, so Bruce might have had a point with that one.

[abdeladrian]

when it comes to balduran/the emperor and ansur i think its a really interesting sort of tragedy no matter how you interpret their relationship and the nature of what happened.

because there's something to once being a hero so renowned that a home to thousands is in your name. and having a companion so dear that they'd kill you to preserve You, but also having changed so much against your will from that hero and that friend they knew and having to come to terms with it (maybe also against your will).

and being a survivor in the long run and being saved time and time again and being used and using back. of coming back home and infiltrating and taking power and being captured and used to hurt when you used to help. of running and manipulating and attempting to do the same trust-build-seduction method you once used with someone new, and trying to convince this person to become like you. because at this point you've lost the ability to feel your feelings

we obviously by nature of its character cant tell when the emperor is lying, telling the truth, or being sincere but i also like really don't like the idea of intrinsic evilness so sometimes i want to take him at face value. we have examples of a mind flayer having genuine companionship (omeluum) alongside having a purpose that lets them live a life separate from the grand design, and i fear having ansur was perhaps the only reason the emperor ever got to be free. not just physically but mentally.

because balduran went sailing one day because he missed it and never came home. ansur fought to find him and was too late. y'know. and like. how heartbreaking is that? that ansur who loved and protected and promised to keep balduran's city safe… made a promise that became a prison. to love so wholly that he wanted to preserve his partner even when his partner gave up and told him to leave and keep his memory as the thing that mattered. how heartbreaking for balduran to have killed him in self defense and then built him a tomb where he could rest? that no one would disturb him? how famous the love was that his promise to protect became legend? the last wish he ever had? that the only way to wake him was to pass a gauntlet to prove your worth? while recording praises for their partnership?

like forgive me but i don't think creating an elaborate tomb to protect ansur's final resting place is a lack of feeling. ansur made a promise that became a prison that became a legend. his legacy was love. and he recognized balduran from feeling alone and got to see him again, for what its worth. the emperor will always be ansur's balduran.

also we see ansur in his dragonborn form. not controversial i hope but they were more than friends! ansur i'm sorry king. your husband became calamari and unrecognizable. and when he accuses balduran of thralling the player, which we can refute, and ansur just stops to Look only for balduran to break the silence by RECITING THE LETTER? DEAR ANSUR? AND THAT'S WHAT DRIVES ANSUR TO ATTACK?

nevermind the fact that you can't make the dream guardian a dragonborn. and the armor it wears is awfully similar to ansur's in his humanoid form. balduran never forgot ansur. i think balduran-as-the-emperor in dream guardian form not taking a form like ansurs but still keeping that armor, still speaking ansur's words and acting out his intents when promising the player protection and care, is evidence that ansur lived in him still. even through the layers of the loss of identity that was him becoming a mind flayer.

ansur was the heart of the gate. and it's baldur's gate. he's balduran's heart. his heart. ansur lived in him. it was a promise that became a prison that became a legend. his legacy was love

[yanderes-galore]

For Identity V, a romantic concept for the Puppeteer survivor? Exploring his overall behavior towards a survivor Darling and how he'd act around them

I stopped playing when he came out so I had to read his Wiki to learn about him ^^; Hopefully this is fine? This is mostly HC, obviously.

Yandere! Matthias Czernin Concept

(The Puppeteer)

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Clingy behavior, Insecurity, Possessive behavior, Manipulation, Slight stalking, Delusional behavior, Briefly mentioned murder, Forced relationship.

Based on his backstory, I can tell Matthias is a lonely and insecure man.

After all, his own parents neglected him.

They favored a puppet over him, their own son.

Which, understandably, gives Matthias a lack of self worth.

He was always considered a misfit.

He's introverted and withdrawn... Even when he came to the manor for answers, he felt unsure around others.

He didn’t have people pay attention to him.

They always look at Louis, the puppet that haunts him.

It's always Louis this or Louis that...

No one ever sees Matthias.

In that case, his obsession is definitely going to be someone who sees him for himself.

You're a fellow Survivor he meets in the manor game.

Of course, he expects to be ignored and no one to talk to him.

That's been his entire life at this point.

Yet then there's you... The only one who comes to speak to him.

Him.

Just him.

Not the stupid puppet, him!

It means SO much to him when you talk to him.

At first he panics a bit, unsure how to react.

He's not used to talking with people, so when you greet him he ends up forcing out a high pitched 'Hi—!'

He's been alone for 24 years, he isn't quite used to you being so friendly.

But it would certainly be enough to get him hooked.

How you make him feel is addicting after being alone for so long.

You don't mind his burns and are overall curious of him

Although Matthias can't help but feel jealous when you turn your attention to Louis and ask about him.

Oh how he hates that puppet.

Matthias would act a bit nervous and shy around you.

He may be 24, yet he was never the most social person.

You're the only survivor he sticks around in the manor game.

Mostly because you were the one who came up to him first.

I would say due to the life Matthias had... He'd be a clingy worship yandere.

He's possessive and easily jealous as he's afraid of losing the one person who gave him attention.

He may also be one to fall in love fast due to his isolation.

After all, no one else has shown such care towards him.

Which must mean you feel something for him that others don't...

Right?

Matthias would follow you around like he's your shadow.

He likes it when you make him feel seen.

It brings a blush to his cheeks whenever you smile... Or when you help him with something in the manor.

He's easily infatuated with you.

I can also see him being manipulative to monopolize your attention.

He is a puppeteer, after all.

He watches you around the manor eagerly.

He watches how you interact with other survivors... He watches how you give them attention.

The jealousy within him burns.

Burns just as much as his scars.

Naturally, after being alone for so long, Matthias doesn't want to lose you.

He may even coax you into paying more attention to him, asking for a hug or for your comfort.

He keeps things as subtle as he can... Trying not to seem too intimate with affection at first.

Over time, however, he ends up becoming more delusional.

He thinks you love him, so when he tries to be more flirtatious you're often left confused.

After all, he lived in France for a time.

Ironically, despite being alone for so long, he knows the ways of love...

At least... In his twisted mind he does.

He compliments, he flirts, he occupies all of your attention.

Matthias would do anything for love and affection.

After meeting you, he doesn't dare go back to being alone.

You're the only person he wants, the only person he has....

His obsession with you acts fast.

He's quick to obsess, quick to get jealous, quick to act...

Imagine if Matthias got so desperate and fed up with those around you... He snaps.

Maybe he sabotaged the other survivors with Louis... getting them killed in the manor game just to keep you to himself.

After all, He did kill his parents over Louis.

Accident or not....

But the other survivors?

There was no accident.

That or maybe he tries to ensure you stay with him.

Maybe he forces you to see things his way by luring you into his room within the manor.

Once you step inside, he has Louis lock the door.

You go to question him, to scream at him...

Only for him to pin you to the door, staring you down.

He doesn't want to intimidate you... yet he's willing to do anything.

If locking you in his room until you agree to be his is the way to do it... He'll take it.

Then, when you eventually agree, hoping to get away...

He clings to you... kissing your skin and worships you as his.

Matthias is drunk on your attention, he perceives it all as love.

To him, any attention is good attention...

It still means you're seeing him for him!

Matthias is a man who's used to having nothing...

The moment he finds the attention he's looking for, he'll pull whatever strings he needs to in order to keep that attention on him.

[cdroloisms]

been thinking about post-prison c!dream again and i feel like ... characterizations of him after pandora smtimes can lean vindictive. and it's not like there's no proof for this being the case, lol, this man has quite a few angry speeches post-prison about getting his Revenge! and such, and obviously has Feelings about the whole being left to rot and be tortured thing. that being said, i think it's worth pointing out how what a character thinks they believe and what their actions show can have some...pretty apparent discrepancies, and i think that c!dream's stated desires to take his revenge as well as a "us against them, you're either with me or against me" viewpoint of the server as a whole don't necessarily match up with his behavior post-prison

for one, i think it's worth pointing out how often c!dream's anger in these cases is obviously emotional to the point of incoherence--it's often been stated that his speech in the logstedshire chase scene screams of projection in the midst of a panic attack, which, i mean? yeah? he's making assumptions about what c!tommy thinks and basically repeating what c!quackity said in that cell almost word for word and making the kill-and-revive-you-over-and-over-and-over threat that he definitely wasn't going to go through with (though, is kind of interesting retrospectively considering we know that he literally did that to himself). then there's his rant to c!sam in daedalus one which literally includes his threatening c!sam with c!quackity, a claim so absurd that c!sam himself points it out as making no sense. and then there's his speech with c!quackity where he says he's going to torture...las nevadas? as in, the country? dream that's. dream it's a country. it can't feel pain. dream.

in this, a clear pattern is established where a lot of these angry threats are...bluffs. hot air. even if c!dream is genuine when he makes these threats, they're really not plausible (like, uh, please tell me how youre gonna convince quackity to torture sam for you king.) and it's not like c!dream doesn't have a pattern of being A Whole Lotta Bark when you have him in a position where he feels cornered, either. but with this, there's a precedent that's established where c!dream's threats, particularly threats where he's literally just listing shit out like that, should be taken with a grain of salt. less evidence of true plans and more an attempt to bare his teeth at you until you back the fuck away.

of course, this in itself isn't enough to claim that all of his claims of more vindictive actions should be dismissed. that being said, across the board, when you look at c!dream's actual actions post-prison...well, the amount of actual revenge this guy gets is. very small. very small. in fact, contrary to what one might think due to his paranoia and the huge breach of trust that had happened as a result of the prison, c!dream actually seems quite willing to establish connections with other people--friendly interactions, even alliances to a certain degree. looking at the following list of interactions w/ people post-prison:

He immediately gives the axe of peace to c!Techno in Snowchester after they part ways at the Arctic Commune--though the lack of favors between them indicates that there's no real explicit reason to call on each other in the immediate future, he does show very clearly that their parting hasn't made himself unwilling to cooperate with c!Techno at all.

Punz is self-evident--he speaks with his ally and reaffirms that the plan is still on track (a plan made before the negative effects that prison had on his. uh .everything)

The aforementioned conflict with c!Tommy, where he makes a lot of threats in ways that seem like a pretty damn deliberate mirror of c!Quackity and makes no effort to follow through on, particularly in tems of the killing-and-reviving shit and keeping tommy in exile and whatever else he was saying there

The interaction with Sapnap, where he is clearly gauging c!Sapnap's reaction and flees shortly after things appear to grow in hostility, once again making overtures at a threat that he will never follow up on (even considering he could very easily follow Sapnap to find Kinoko and could as such attack it quite simply even with just, a couple flint & steels tbh)

An interaction with Eryn where he makes no effort to be hostile at any point, hiding behind his shield and then exchanging items when Eryn offers them. The entire time, c!Dream's actions are defensive and purposefully nonthreatening and at no point does he attempt to engage a fight--even when not asked for payment, he gives a valuable item in exchange. Clearly more an attempt to be friendly than any outright hostility, though he is also obviously wary.

Daedalus also quite self-explanatory--again, it should be emphasized that letting Sam go in any capacity with any lives is explicitly an act of mercy. Left alone, Sam would have died in the prison for good; he set his spawn in the prison, a fact Dream would've known when he escorted him out. He makes a lot of threats, including some that are quite incoherent, and at the end he kills Sam once and then escorts him out of the prison grounds alive. Interestingly enough, conversations in Daedalus also seem pretty explicitly from a perspective of trying to get c!Sam to understand him in some respects--like, c!Dream isn't seeking division here. Even in consideration of the fact that he needed to get the keycards, c!Dream's continued emphasis on trying to get c!Sam to see him is...interesting, in view of how much of what went wrong being explicitly because of c!Sam's betrayal.

He warns Bad and Skeppy away from the prison shortly after beginning to reside there on a permanent basis. He gives them quite a sum of gifts (iirc, a block of netherite and a totem of undying) despite firing arrows at them; even though he has a reason to be aggressive towards c!Bad as one of the prison guards (something both c!Bad and c!Skeppy point out) he makes no effort to kill them and outright gives them valuable items while warning them to stay away from the prison

scrapped lore, whenever it was meant to happen, was an obvious "revenge" attempt against quackity...which goes, badly. a clue into the State that he was in in terms of his revenge quests. also, whatever interaction he has with c!wilbur later, obviously c!Wilbur doesn't end up worse for wear physically from it.

In inconsolable differences, c!Dream is more preoccupied with keeping a "feeling" of power over c!Wilbur over taking outright control over the room and therefore complies with c!Wilbur's orders. He does attack, but despite having more than the necessary means to kill both c!Wilbur and c!Tommy while he's there, does not do so. Neither does he manage to keep them trapped in the prison, something that he absolutely could've done if he so chose. Instead, he values a (imaginary) symbol of his continued alliance with c!Wilbur over any kind of hostile action, imprisonment, or killing of either person (and explicitly values c!Wilbur's life over just about everything, there.)

In his interaction with c!Foolish, he's outright trying to get c!Foolish to consider him beyond what other people have said about him. He's trying to establish some form of an alliance and offers...well, quite a lot in order to have one (in order to have a five minute warning of c!Quackity's location. like, he's putting himself in c!Foolish's service quite explicitly here, offering to become his hitman or bodyguard). He's obviously wary, but also obviously trying to be friendly and largely interacts with c!Foolish by trying to establish a rapport, not by trying to threaten him into something or attack him in any way. Even with c!Sam, the amount of outright threatening behavior from c!Dream isn't all that large--mostly, he's being petty? You could make an argument about c!Dream's vague threat to c!Sam's island, but clearly Sam loses no lives from Dream in any interaction they might have after they leave the summer home.

I consider the whole interaction with c!Aimsey canon bc literally everyone was playing as their characters there--c!Dream outright goes out of his way to try and protect a total stranger here with no obvious personal benefit. He literally inserts himself into the conflict to try and prevent c!Aimsey's death, which is kinda wild for someone to do as someone who allegedly wants people to die on the server. He attacks (and even kills c!George) c!snf here, but it's all in a scene where they get distracted from their whole "blowing shit up" moment because they want to chase c!Dream, and c!Dream specifically uses very little melee combat here--a lot of ranged stuff, which is far from his specific specialty. Further, there's a scene in this fight where c!Dream is acting entirely defensively, backed up against a wall with his shield in front of him as c!snf attack, and at the end he just runs away--all behavior that doesn't seem to be about killing anyone or profiting from anyone's deaths in any way.

LN5, threats similarly nonsensical, and he dips as soon as things start going south. For all of his seeming confidence, he's not the one that continues the chase in an attempt to kill c!Quackity, and the fight evidently freaks him out considering how he ends up not realizing he's being stalked by c!Tommy and then hides in the prison for a solid while (while still being stalked by c!Tommy)

Despite apparently wanting them to decide who to die in the saw trap (which had a premise that is frankly, quite hard to believe), c!clingy are given the exact items that could've facilitated their escape. He certainly could've killed both or one at any point in time, even if he wanted a message to be spread to the server (something easily done with one guy)--instead, he monologues at them, then conveniently leaves so that they can get away (and they could've with the literal items he gave them if tommy didn't burn their food.) When c!Tommy returns the following day, c!Dream makes it clear he expected both of them to have gotten out

Despite being clearly unable to stand c!Tommy, blaming him for most if not all of his problems on the server, and outright saying to c!Tommy that c!Tommy would never agree to help him (after they had a shouting match literally one day ago), gives quite the sales pitch to get c!Tommy on the same page as them.

I'm probably missing stuff, but you get my point--even when presented golden opportunities to kill off a player post-prison, c!Dream doesn't take it. He outright spares c!Sam when he could've easily died from the Revengers' tactic. When meeting with strangers, he prioritizes establishing a friendly rapport with them through things like gifts over, in his distrust, treating them badly so that they're scared of him and therefore don't fuck with him yadayada. His behavior, instead of exuding an aura of anger and vengeance and vying for destruction, tends to send a message of trying to be outright unthreatening, please-don't-attack-me. He's not going everywhere holding his big fuck off axe, he's seeing a new person and ducking behind his shield.

Oftentimes, I feel like this quote is pulled or paraphrased from No Way Home to show how c!Dream has become distrusting of people, vindictive, post-prison

And if that means we have to kill everybody— and ev— everybody that doesn't wanna go along with what me and Punz have to say? Everyone that doesn't want to figure it out? Then, fine! You can be simple-minded and you can die simple-minded. But! If you wanna actually know what's going on in this world, and you wanna fix it, and make it the best that we can be, and live forever? Then they can join us.

And while I'm not saying we should dismiss the whole quote as just being disingenous bluffing, I think when taken into the context of post-prison c!Dream's actions (or, well, c!Dream's actions as a whole) as well as his actions in the finale itself (such as his appealing to c!Tommy in the next stream), rather than putting the emphasis on the idea of "everyone who disagrees with me should die," c!Dream seems far more preoccupied with the idea of trying to find people who are willing to work with him to "fix" everything. People who will help him make it so that they can "live forever"--a desire he expresses in the fourth finale stream as well.

like, it's not to say that c!dream isn't vengeful. he is. i mean, i'd say moreso than vengeful, he's angry--just like how a lot of his overtures at friendliness are so deeply rooted in fear. the prison made him angry and the prison made him scared, and the anger has to be repurposed into revenge because revenge is power that he certainly didn't have when he was on his knees begging for mercy. but far from being closed off and unwilling to work with other people post-prison due to his experiences in Pandora (which. would make sense. i mean. like, he was left in there, and tortured, and betrayed. anger and revenge and a general distrust towards everyone and a desire to destroy a world that condemned him would be very easy to understand in this scenario), i'd say c!dream's interactions with people post-prison scream of a general lack of a desire to actually go through with killing people. hell, he even revives c!tommy--c!tommy! who just killed him! who c!dream outright blames for like, basically ruining his life! when revivals are literally apparently destabilizing the universe!--shortly after killing him. generally, he meets people who are dealing with him aggressively with a desire to flee moreso than with murderous intent (in genuine finale 2, for example, this guy was sure more focused on running the fuck away than he was on killing either of c!clingy), and even moreso deals with other people on the server by acting defensively and even in a manner that seems deliberately designed to get them to be more willing to work with him, or at least deal with him in a friendly way. despite his paranoia and how deeply pandora cut as a betrayal and his obvious wariness towards all people as a result (there's hardly a single interaction on the list above, after all, that doesn't have c!dream's obvious fear of people leaking all over the damn carpet), he seems to be much more focused on the idea of finding possible allies than he is on the idea of killing everyone possible.

which, i mean, makes sense. as he himself states:

[baiwu-jinji]

i apologize in advance if this ask sounds kinda weird, but i'm kinda curious to hear your thoughts on how the narrative treats qi rong, mostly because i think interacting only with the eng version/fandom might take some context from his character. i've seen people complaining that some fans woobify him too much, others complaining that some people treat him as a pure hate-sink when he's more than that. while i do think he's a multi-layered character, i do sometimes get the feeling that mxtx did not go easy on him, with the revised version being even crazier than before (some even say he was given a bit of onesided incestuous subtext with xl, but i wonder if that interpretation isn't just the result of weirdly translated lines in eng). i think this might be because he strikes me as a meta personification of sorts for toxic fans who place their identity and self-worth on just one person they completely idolize, and when that person is shown to be imperfect they immediately turn against them, and we know mxtx has had experience with those kinds of people.

i do think he's largely meant to be seen as unsympathetic overall, though i think there's strong nuances with his character as well. since his childhood he always lacked something and never really had a well formed identity, his prince name being symbolic of his life. he projected himself onto xl in life, and he kept on absorving the worst traits of the people around his life without really understanding them in order to feel powerful and important, from the xianle nobles to the signature traits of the other calamities. he also strikes me as very... "little brother"-coded, in the sense that he keeps looking for any sort of recognition and seems unable to mature. even when he hates xl i think he still somewhat craves his attention, and qr only developed a bit when he was forced to let go of this role by accidentally becoming a father instead. i think it's also interesting that he started out a lot like his father, but ended up sharing the fate of his mother.

i do wonder how the cn fandom views him and if he's nearly as divisive as he is here. i'd also be pretty interested in seeing some meta about him from cn fans. again, it feels like some context is missing by not speaking the language the book was originally written in...

Hi! I think the narrative basically takes the same stance as Xie Lian in its attitude towards Qi Rong, which is the sort of "I can't love you but I don't want to hate you, the best I could give you is indifference". I agree that Qi Rong isn't meant to be lovable, but MXTX isn't dismissive of him as a character either - she devoted almost an entire chapter to Qi Rong's death, let him speak his mind, and gave him some form of closure.

Qi Rong having onesided incestuous subtext with XL (!!) in the revised version is...very interesting haha, I haven't read the revised version so I can't know (someone please tell me where to get the revised version ><). Although I want to speculate that even if there is some incestuous vibes, it's not truly sexual - it's probably libido directed the wrong way when you're lusting over someone else's identity, but not over that person per se. Qi Rong lusts over XL's identity in the sense that he wants to be XL - or rather he wants to be perfect, worshipped, all-powerful etc. (bit of digression, there's an underrated psychological thriller called Cracks starring Eva Green, if you watch it you'll know what I mean)

I don't have the impression that he's truly divisive in the Chinese fandom, but then I don't engage with the Chinese fandom that much so I could totally be wrong. And I don't think any context is missing for English readers either (except maybe the humour of QR's obscene language might be lost in translation?) because human nature is the same everywhere, and Qi Rong's distorted psyche is more a matter of human nature than cultural context.

As for Chinese fandom's view of QR, there's this great meta I translated and posted a few days ago, and I found some other opinion pieces about Qi Rong on Zhihu (Chinese equivalent of Reddit), as you'll see they're quite diverse.

A lot of Chinese readers say that what stands out most about Qi Rong is his comedic role in the story because his cursing and name-calling are really funny; a lot of people also mention being really touched by his self-sacrifice to save Guzi. I found this one post that has a similar view to yours, which is QR represents MXTX's toxic fans:

"I always felt it's the author admonishing her fans in an implicit way not to be as crazy as Qi Rong [...] My guess is that the author can't ask her fans outright not to act in this way because that would hurt people who support her but are immature, however she can't turn a blind eye to these people going around provoking more resentment, so she creates QR to remind her fans not to be like QR, or they'd appear as unlikable as QR to the public. But the author still feels symathy for thse fans, so she didn't depict their representation in the novel as totally incorrigible - QR retains some humanity and is a little adorable when he starts to care about people."

I also saw opinions about the narrative (or rather Xie Lian) not going easy on Qi Rong, like this one:

"Xie Lian is clearly a very good person but why is he so heartless to QR? He eventually treated QR as a joke and a burden, but QR was once a true follower of his. At first I thought XL was perfect and cares about everyone, but he never really cared for his cousin. When I read that XL felt neither joy nor sorrow when QR died saving Guzi, my heart chilled. If XL could forgive the masses who betrayed and reviled him, why can't he forgive his cousin who once followed him whole-heartedly?"

There're also people saying that Qi Rong's potential divisiveness is what makes him a great villain, like this post:

"What MXTX's well-received villains have in common is a tragic childhood and not being loved growing up, and they only have a soft spot for one person. Although these villains did horrible deeds and are unrepentant, they all reserve some kindness in their heart for the only person who's good to them. This contrast is striking and touching, yet most likely to cause controversy. Therefore, MXTX knows very clearly how to create a memorable villain, and I admire that."

Someone else says when they read about Qi Rong they "don't know whether to laugh or cry" (XL's signature emotion hehe). They add that "this is where MXTX is successful in writing a villain - you both hate and pity him; he's infuriating, but you don't really want to see him die either."

Another view is that since Qi Rong has no filter, he sometimes serves as the truth-telling voice. For example, when XL wanted to keep Lang Qianqiu in the dark about the truth of the Gilded Banquet Massacre, Qi Rong blurted out the truth.

There's also a question posted on Zhihu that asks why people like Qi Rong, and there're some interesting answers. There's one post that says "I find him attractive because he's depicted as alluringly ghostly in a lot of fan art like vampires in Twilight" haha

Another post says they like Qi Rong "because he's guilelessly wicked, while XL and Hua Cheng are hypocrites" emmmmm

Another one says they like Qi Rong because "being Xie Lian is exhausting, he's so wronged but he just endures it all, while Qi Rong just launches verbal assults whenever someone rubs him the wrong way, it's so cathartic. The most difficult thing in the world is to be a good person, because as soon as you do one thing wrong, everyone criticises you; but if you're a bad person, even if you did just one good thing, everyone praises you for it and shows you pity".

[bridgerteon]

Although I'm a multi shipper, I wanna join Polin Week as tribute and support. And I think I'm late for favourite show quote. :)))

[I can't make gifs (I don't know how to), write fanfics (I'm a horrible storyteller) nor create mood boards (I'm more of an analytical person than creative, since I'm a STEM person). Instead I would provide an essay as I'm pretty good at it.]

My favourite from Penelope is from The Choice (Season 2 Ep 6) when she chats with Colin about purposes:

"I am certain you will find your purpose one day. Everyone must eventually... [About her own purpose] Of course not. But I imagine it to be something both animating and satisfying. The type of venture that speaks to not who I am but rather who I am to be. My purpose will challenge me to be brave and witty. My purpose will propel me far beyond the watchful glare of my mama. My purpose shall set me free."

It explains that everyone has a purpose, even for women in a regency era. Though she is technically Lady Whistledown, she wants to have her own goals in life and wants to achieve it by herself. Fortunately she does in the end. She presents herself to the whole Ton that she is Lady Whistledown and that she wants them to know how awesome she is. This actually makes me feel so proud of her for her journey from meek to confident. I also evoke with her as I also share the same sentiment.

As for Colin, my favourite quote from him is short, but made my heart break for him. It's in Joining of Hands (Season 3 ep 7):

"Then what good am I to you?!"

It displays his vulnerability. It displays his self-doubt and thinking pessimistically how anyone could ever love him. Just him, as a emotionally intelligent, soft, and caring person. From the beginning Colin wants to be taken seriously or want others to see him for who he truly is. But ever since Marina's Deceptive Engagement Scandal and his Boring Travel Stories, no one ever respects or listens to him, except for Violet and Penelope.

Penelope is the one who sees and loves him as he is, and she doesn't want him to change. But ever since she is LW, he is spiralling in self-doubts and lack of self-esteem. He realises that Penelope has a purpose, she knows who she is, and knows what she wants (link back with Pen's quote above), while he doesn't. He thinks that out of all the men in the Ton, why him? Why does she choose him? As a pawn like Marina? Payback for kicking Lord Debling out? Out of spite? What does she see in him worth loving? Would Pen ever take him seriously? Would she ever be his partner? Would she ever love him?

Luckily Penelope helps alleviate his doubts by confessing that she loves him (during the Modiste Bitch Off), and that she tells the Ton that she is LW. She is doing it because Pen loves Colin and his family. She is doing it out of love. She doesn't want to keep secrets anymore and is free to be with him proudly. Now he realises that she loves him unconditionally and without judgement, hence his love confession. It makes me feel so elated that Colin has finally found a partner, where both will love and support each other in anything.

Overall, I love the journey of friends-to-lovers in Polin. It does give me the satisfaction that they are FINALLY TOGETHER! I'm excited to see their new journey together as a married writer couple. :))

[alexxncl]

‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 45 SPOILERS‼️

masterlist | all lessons | season 3 | lesson 44 | lesson 45.2 | lesson 46

did i play all the ruri tunes level last night so i could read the entire lesson and make this post at work? yes.

and i'd do it again BOP BOP

HELP 😭 my man was TIRED

i feel like belphie helped put beel to sleep bc he was too invested in his work and not disappointing lucifer to go to sleep on his own. maybe he was too worried and overused his powers, making beel sleep deeper than he normally does and worrying everyone even more on accident

idk i'm just yapping

maybe it's something lilith related? or maybe it is just an all you can eat buffet with mc and the boys. regardless of if he picks something food related or not, it's gonna involve his family, and i love that about him

thinking about this reminds me of the one bonus scene in nb season 1 (not sure which lesson but i think i talked about it) where beel blamed himself for not telling lucifer about the banshee when it happened and, ultimately, for lilith's death

he and lucifer are so similar in terms of how the feel the need to protect their family at all costs, even if it means killing themselves in the process, and i really wish we got more of the two of them together bc i adore their dynamic

ik we all saw that teaser trailer video...what's going on with him ???

is it a result of messing with the timelines one too many times, or the fact that satan was sentenced to become a human instead of a demon when he fell, or something else entirely?

i thought the post was getting too long, more on this here

shhshdhsgs he's such a dad

with the chapter title being "runaway train", i figured smth like this was gonna happen 😭

aside from that, satan hosting the finals is so on brand for him. gotta love my favorite nerd

but also i'd be PISSED if i was hosting and they didn't tell me shit bc what ???

logically speaking, they won't let anything bad happen to three of the seven lords, their pact holderand best friend/partner, and the demon prince's butler, but anyone with a brain would be panicking if the conductor of the train all of a sudden vanished into thin air and nobody on the train knows how to operate it 💀

hm...

HMMM....

this is probably a stretch, but what if those people are the sponsors for this leg of the science fair? what if they actually want the boys dead?

again, this post is already long so i made a separate one 🫠 mb y'all

:((( pookie

the guilt and helplessness he probably feels for not knowing any of the circumstances despite his status as host, maybe even feeling like he was a pawn of the sponsors who came up with the event in the first place

we know he has self-esteem and self-worth issues and this is not only a punch in the gut, but terrifying bc his self-perceived "incompetence" and inability to help because of his lack of knowledge, something that he usually prides himself on, might end up getting the people he's closest to killed

he can't face the guilt, so he ran

he's so ??? 😭

also, since beel and barb are technically on the same team now despite being competitors before, does that mean they each get a wish if the team as a whole wins, or does the team collectively get one wish? bc just giving one of them a wish wouldn't be fair

and i mean TECHNICALLY force is a part of physics

beel big brain

...we've almost died how many times now?

also, since this part is called "beel's wish", imagine his wish is to save us so we don't die (again) lmao

luke is so not funny 😭

but this is honestly really sweet of diavolo. i had a feeling he'd figure out how to incorporate everyone's wish into his own bc even after winning due to mainly his own efforts, he insisted that it was a team effort

talked about the bonus stories here bc there wasn't enough space for screenshots 🥲

[nightswithkookmin]

3D SLAYS WITH JACK HARLOW

I'm not here to tell anyone how to feel but I'm just saying Jackie killed those bars.

I don't want to get into this whole debate over whether or not Jack Harlow's verse was offensive because Jack is for the black girlies and the queers and I'm black and queer. Let's leave it there

And frankly I was too busy deciphering all the Easter eggs and black and white themes and weirdly familiar lyrics and all the diversity in there to notice anything off with Jack.

He's a white guy in a predominantly black space who is not only aware of this but is also less misogynoire-cist than a lot of these gay hating black rappers out here. I'll take Harlow over any day because I ain't tryna hear another homophobic rapper with internalized racism make caricature of black women and call it music.

Yall hate misogynists, I hate homophobic misogyny targeted at black queer women specifically even more and to me Jack is far from that. So may be there's a conflict of interest here somewhere caused by my intersecting identities.

And as a feminist I have a problem endorsing the slut shaming of men just as much as I disagree with the slut shaming of women.

How are we shaming this man over openly talking bout thoting.

And it's crazy cos we all be put here drooling over BTS openly talking bout wanting to be choked to death by these boys but God forbid a grown man says in his songs he is polyamorous.

Equality of genders means we can not slut shame men from expressing their sexual desires any more than we can slut shame women.

And 2023, monogamy isn't the only valid relationship model. Why does this feel like monogamy is the new heteronormativity?

And it's not as if he's glamorizing cheating on a partner, or drugs or gun violence.

I feel we've been fighting misogyny and objectification of women by men for so long we can't even tell what a healthy expression of male desire looks like.

I think Jack is so real for those lyrics. Some men and even women do like to fantasize about getting with different women. And having female attention really is form of validation for lots of men. For a lot of them it's deeply tied to their self worth.

Women will always be the object of desire for straight men. But that don't mean any time they talk about that subject that they are objectifying women. That's like saying men hurt women for pounding them at night- sex is not inherently oppressive. It's the lack of consent, and the treating women as if all we are good for is sex that makes it oppressive.

As long as he isn't berating women calling us slurs or promoting the objectification of women he and I are good.

From where I sit all I heard was a man discussing and bragging about his insatiable lust- for that I'll recommend he speaks to his therapist. Jesus can't help him.

He has an appetite. We shouldn't slut shame him for that. Misandry is not how we are going to fix misogyny.

If a girl sang the same lyrics we would be tweaking right about now.

Plus these lyrics are even pretty tame in comparison. Lmho. Jack has always been vulgar and explicit. Jack's personality to me is why I like him to be frank. He's pushed for visibility and acceptance of the gay community more than any non queer rapper you can think of.

As far as his talent as a rapper goes- I only care about his songs when he's featuring lil Nas X or Jungkook

I'm just gonna have to throw him back to yall

BUT PLEASE LEAVE 3D ALONE.

PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

[xjulixred45x]

Dead Plate x Married in Red AU Drabble: but you did...

-Married in Red/Dead Plate Major spoilers for several endings- Rody takes Bok-Su's place and Vince is Da-jeong- Vince is canon gay so he is marrying (ceremonially) a man- Quite Angst- TW in the Hashtags

MAIN POST OF THE AU

- “Rody, here you are…”

Vincent's voice brought Rody back to reality and, oddly enough, a feeling similar to excitement. Not excitement to see it, no, excitement for what was to come.

Rody turned and stared for a moment at his Ex-boss, his former friend, who was looking at him with a look of serious reprimand. If Rody were his self from about 5 years ago, he would probably be shaking and scared, but at this point...Rody could only smile, satisfied with being pushed to the limit like this. He had it right where he wanted it.

- “I need to talk to you” - Vincent grabbed his arm, urging him to come closer.

- “whatever you want Vincent—“- Rody returned to his introductory self, trying to appear as non-threatening and friendly as possible until he was cut off.

- “in private.”- Vincent tightened his grip on his forearm, either trying to prevent him from walking away or trying to intimidate him, it didn't work in any case.

- “It seems like a luxury with so many guests. There are too many people to do something here…” - Rody didn't know if he said that last thing for Vincent or for himself. Be patient Rody, almost, almost...

-“Chris's room should be enough.”-

- “the groom's room? What would Chris think if he heard you now?” – Rody watched with amusement as Vincent's face contorted into even more visible anger, but surprisingly he didn't say anything. he only half drag him to the room.

_____________________________

Rody entered the room followed closely by Vincent. He tried to stay as close to the closet as possible not only to ensure the success of his plan, but also to keep Vincent away from him and not notice the metallic smell he emitted from there (which they both already knew VERY well).

- “cut the shit, tell me why you're really here.” – Vincent looked at him irritated and visibly dismayed at the lack of information, he KNEW that if Rody was here it was for a bad reason, but he needed to hear it from him, to know what was.

- “I already told you Vincent, I came to congratulate a friend who helped me in a difficult moment on his wedding day” - Rody repeated the words he said to him at the reception, but it was different, robotic, rehearsed. As if he already saw what would happen coming.

- “Rody, I'm not an idiot, I know that's not why you're here, if you try anything right now I swear I'm going to—” Vincent went from being simply annoyed to being angry at the idea of that day being ruined (and therefore Rody no less) but he couldn't even finish his sentence.

- “or are you going to do what, Vincent? What are you going to do? Is there even anything you haven't done?”- Rody stared at him, seeing how the little color in Vincent's face disappeared at the indirect accusation.

-“Was it worth it? Did you test your hypothesis? How can you live with yourself, be happy, while someone Like HER just managed to rot in your Freezer?”-

Rody didn't raise his voice once, but he had to restrain himself from going up to Vincent and simply breaking his neck, stabbing him with the pie knife, strangling him—he held back waiting for an answer, something that would at least show him that Vincent had, even if it is, SOME regret for what he did, grief, dissatisfaction, guilt. Everything Rody was feeling all these years was because of him-

But he got nothing, not even a measly apology. Vincent just looked at him like a deer looks at the headlights of a car, he didn't move or speak. Rody knew it at that moment. He didn't feel it, or if he did, it would never be enough.

- “Rody…go away. Just Go—I've tried to be friendly because this is a happy day for me, but I just can't be calm with you around. I'll tell Chris and we'll both escort you OUT.” Vincent spoke firmly, like when he was in the kitchen, but he was clearly short of breath, and his pulse was trembling. Oh, how the tables have turned.

- “Speaking of Chris, do you think I can at least give you my wedding gift?”-

- “I Beg Your pardon?”- Vincent seemed more offended than surprised.

- “You said you would go for Chris, right? Well, put your hand in my pocket” - Rody extended the side of the pants that had the “wedding gift” a little, to make the message more explicit. He planted his feet firmly on the floor and looked Vincent in the eyes with a look that he couldn't tell, whether it was excitement or impatience. He wouldn't leave until he had seen Vincent open his gift.

Vincent simply grunted and sighed in resignation, approaching Rody and putting a hand in his pocket without giving it much thought -

–“This is ridiculous. What does what's in your pocket have to do with Chr—”- Vincent cut himself short as he felt something familiar and unusual in the texture, it was familiar. He wrapped his hand completely around it and knew right away, it was a cake knife. But that wasn't what made him freeze in place immediately and break out in a sweat as he thought about the possibilities. No.

It was the fact that the knife was wet, with a coagulating substance, something he had already felt.

Vincent took the cake knife completely out of Rody's pocket and saw his fear come true, the knife was almost completely covered in a bright red, with coagulated parts and even what Vincent could only guess were pieces of skin stuck to the edge. .

-“RODY…YOU DIDN'T DARE..”- this wasn't happening, it couldn't be happening. Rody couldn't have done what he thinks he has done...

-“Oh, not me, Vincent…You did it.”- Rody concluded with a smile.

-“EXCUSE ME—“- -“That was your weapon”- Rody spoke again, cutting him off again.

Vincent went from being incredulous to being angry at Rody's accusations, not only because he knew it was a lie, but because of the nonsense it was.

- “IT'S OUR WEDDING DAY! ALL THIS WAS BECAUSE HE WANTED IT! WHY WOULD I HURT HIM?!”- The thought that Chris could be out there severely injured or, worse and more likely, dead, not only made Vincent raise his voice in anguish, but it even made his eyes water.

-“What do I know? I'm just a witness. MAYBE you heard him say how he was thinking of leaving you. Maybe he loved someone more than you, maybe you went back to your old habits, and your huge ego couldn't handle the rejection…you had to get rid of the problem” - Rody used everything he acquired at the party, using it as ammunition not only to substantiate himself, but to see Vincent even more hurt. He knows it's not true, and it will still take him down...

-“THAT IS RIDICULOUS! I WOULD NOT KILL SOMEONE FOR SUCH A DUMB REASON!”- Vincent said frantically, both pain and anger mixing as he spoke.

-“BUT YOU DID IT VINCENT. YOU DID IT…” -

Rody looked at Vincent with an anger he had never seen in him, almost feeling an oppressive force in his chest, as if someone was squeezing his heart from the inside, but he was quickly overcome by pain.

-“I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!”-

Everything happened so quickly, Rody had to admit, if he hadn't moved in time and removed the pearl necklace, he would probably have been impaled. But at that moment the only thing he could think about after falling against a shelf was how he saw, now too slowly, how the body of Chris, the groom, collapsed from its hiding place and fell right into Vincent's lap. Stopping it in its tracks.

Vincent looked down tensely, feeling how the remaining blood began to seep and stain his clothes, with the cold body of the love of his life looking up, empty, lifeless.

The realization took a few seconds to come, and when it did, it came in the form of a powerful scream of misery, denial, and grief.

Vincent didn't even realize how bad the situation looked, very busy unable to take his eyes off his dead boyfriend, until the aforementioned's mother arrived, having been alerted by the screams.

“—what's happening—oh my god—OH MY GOD!! MY SON!—“- Chris's mother's voice was unmistakable. When Vincent tried to say something, anything, he was interrupted by a familiar scream.

-“GET AWAY, MA´AM! THAT MAN IS A PSYCHOPATH! I SAW HIM STAB CHRIS AND TRY TO HIDE THE BODY! HE TRIED TO KILL ME! GO AND GET HELP!” - Rody shouted in an “altered” manner while taking off his sack that was now stained with blood. Vincent processed his words and tried to refute as best he could.

-“DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, HE WAS THE ONE WHO—“- -“GET AWAY FROM MY SON!”- before he could even speak in his defense, Vincent was pushed away from his boyfriend's body, being held by his crying mother.

Looking up, Vincent saw how people came up and looked at him in horror, obviously buying Rody's story. How could they not? He had a Weapon and his boyfriend's blood everywhere. What should he do? what? what!?

The only thing Vincent could do at that moment was stand up (falling due to blood in the process) and run, run outside, away from prying eyes, away from his dead boyfriend and future, away from RODY.

Rody took his time getting up and adjusting his clothes, taking a moment to look at the mother of the son he murdered, feeling that unpleasant bubbling sensation in his head. He couldn't afford that now, it's too late. It's time to finish it.

_______________________________

The bloody footprints went from the groom's room to where the ceremony was going to take place, although of course, it was obvious that Vincent slipped a couple of times on the liquid (either because of the rush to get away or because of his anxiety made him clumsier), you could see prints of his hands on the floor trying to support himself, on top of a table, and the most cruelly ironic, on the sign with Chris's name, where he would sit with Vincent at the end of the ceremony.

Vincent was cornered, he had nowhere to go but outside. Everywhere he went inside people pushed him to prevent him from “escaping” or heard even more crying about how he could have done something like that, to Chris of all people. Vincent couldn't even tell who was yelling to call the police, people whispering about how Chris was planning to leave him and he must have "lost his cool," among other things.

When Vincent finally arrived outside the place, as people ran inside, he could only look ahead, unable to breathe properly, tired, shaking (from anger at the situation? from hatred towards Rody? from pain at this new feeling of loss?). Vincent walked slowly trying to catch his breath, opened his white jacket a little (now stained red) and stopped for a second on a small detail.

In the pocket of his jacket, a daisy that Chris had left him as an ornament, due to all the commotion, had shattered into pieces, without a single petal remaining.

Vincent didn't even want to look up, facing the makeshift altar Chris's family had made, with hyacyntus, he couldn't. He wouldn't want to face the reality of his current situation, yes, but worse, he wouldn't want to face the “maybes”, the “what ifs”.

He just stood there, squeezing his arms tightly around his body, his hand closed over the last detail of a destroyed life, and he muttered the same thing over and over and over again.

- “I…didn't do this…it was him”-

As people walked away from Vincent erratically, Rody took slow steps towards where he saw him run, feeling a great level of satisfaction in the progress. Was this what fulfillment felt like? the relief? Seeing this person who used to terrorize Rody years ago, who had been robbed of the love of his life and his will to live, now reduced to a tearful mess was more than gratifying, it was cathartic. He needed this, Manon needed this.

-“Vince…” - Rody's voice was the softest it had been all afternoon, but more importantly, he never thought he would use that nickname again, although now it felt more like a final blow, a last sign of familiarity. to whom now, was only a stranger.

- “Are you full?”

The last thing Vincent would see, before hearing the sirens approaching, would be a smiling, crooked, satisfied Rody, unaware, when that obnoxious happy grin slipped away for a second.

Daisis: they can mean new starts in life and are normally related to cheerfullness, purity and joy.

Hyacinths: meanwhile they Hyacinths are related to the love and pride (due to Apollo's and Hyacinthus story) the hyacinths can be tied to jealousy, they can also be a sign that you recognize you've made a mistake and you're looking for forgiveness.

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

Hope You guys enjoy this! I think it's the longest Drabble i ever Made🤯SO i hope You like it and share it❤️

[avelera]

Authority and the Urge: Morality and Redemption in Baldur's Gate 3

Theme 1: Domination vs. Freedom as an Alternative Moral Axis to Evil vs. Good

One thing that makes Baldur's Gate such a pleasure to play is that the writing team had such a clear understanding of their themes. Good and evil are not the clean-cut alignments of the D&D world. Rather, they reimagined good vs. evil along more subtle lines of domination and control vs. personal freedom and healing. For the most part, they are remarkably consistent without being preachy, which is no mean feat. Nor do they say you can't dabble in the morally ambiguous, indeed, all the Companions have dabbled in the morally gray and you are invited to draw your own line as to what behavior you find acceptable for them. Even Wyll and Karlach, the most morally upstanding, have made deals with devils for the greater good, and been press-ganged against their will into fighting for an evil tyrant. You are given the choice to say there is no redemption for even these unwilling moments of moral impurity, if you so choose. You can reject Gale for not telling you about the Orb immediately. You can kill Astarion for being a vampire, which isn't his fault. You can criticize and reject Shadowheart for her Shar worship and thus never learn the full extent of how much it was not her choice to join in the first place. You can also urge companions like Gale, Astarion, and Shadowheart to give in to their worst instincts and become true monsters, which brings me to the next important theme.

Theme 2: What is the Worth of a Single Life?

When speaking of themes in BG3, another major one is the power of one person to sway the path of others in their lives towards good or evil. One hand extended in friendship can draw Astarion back from a painful and self-destructive existence, the pursuit of power to insulate him from pain and harm that ultimately would lead him to perpetuate the cycle of abuse he suffered under. There are clear implications of how much the Companions life is changed by their encounter with the player character, in a really touching dynamic about the importance of one life to another, which also works as a game mechanic, imbuing your interactions as a player character with the satisfying power fantasy of being able to have social impact on your Companions as friends, loved ones, or (in an evil run) victims of your sadism. You can make or break them.

Which brings me, finally, to the Dark Urge. It's clear to my eyes that the Dark Urge was originally planned as The Custom Character path. What I imagine happened next, however, is that they realized that there were hard story beats in the Dark Urge's narrative, certain deaths for example, which would be supremely limiting and unsatisfying for many players, who would chafe against the lack of choice.

The Dark Urge is a fantastic novel character, since characters in a novel don't have to do what the reader would do, but video games with their interactive nature usually require a bit more freedom of choice for players to be satisfying. Obviously there are exceptions to this rule, but in general it's very challenging and rarely attempted in video games to put the player-controlled character into a situation where the player loses agency, where the character dies without player freedom to prevent it, makes choices contrary to what the player character would do in a game that otherwise offers choice, or that simply kills the player character without the option to avoid that fate. It can be done but it's very very tough, some of the biggest complaints leveled at RPGs like BG3 or Dragon Age games is when the narrative takes choice away or makes the character make choices, unavoidably, that players would not make or would fight to avoid if they could. They are often the center of the greatest fandom ire. So that's why I think the OC Tav with the blank backstory was created, for those who chafed at the lovely but restrictive narrative arc of the Dark Urge.

Mirrors of Morality: The Dark Urge's Redemption

I mention that I think the Dark Urge is fundamental to the core design of the game because their narrative path so nicely mirrors the other Companions. A blank-slate Tav is wonderful to work with, and very freeing, but you are left with the slightly hollow feeling of not having nearly the level of trauma or issues to work through that the Companions do. Your character has no past and few opportunities to form a coherent narrative that precedes the events of the tadpoling the way the others do. From a gameplay perspective this is of course nearly impossible to do otherwise, they can't anticipate every RP headcanon a player might run, but they can offer one with the Dark Urge who has the same sort of deep dichotomy and divide in their backstory that the others have.

That said, I completed an Evil Dark Urge run before I completed a good one, despite rolling two attempts at a good Dark Urge before stumbling onto an Evil Dark Urge that worked for me (an older drow matriarch, for those curious).

The reason I struggled was because I couldn't imagine a Good Dark Urge with agency in their prior life. My evil Dark Urge was a willing partner of Gortash and Thorm. One reason I made her older was because I imagined her as mature, worldly, cruel, sadistic, and completely on board with the plot. The amnesia was only a brief interruption to her plans, a distraction. Once she recalled enough of her life and previous goals to piece together her part in the Dead Three plot, she went right back into enacting it and, in the end, won, becoming the unquestioning ruler of a world of thralls in Bhaal's name. If anything, the dialogue options that implied that Bhaal was the one controlling her, or that she had done anything but make her own choices were almost insulting. This woman knew what she was doing, beginning to end, with the amnesia as only a minor interruption.

But this interpretation of the Dark Urge was based on the letter we find in the Dark Urge's point of view, where again, they show no unwillingness to be an agent of the Dead Three plot. Gortash's warm welcome further cemented the view in my mind: the Dark Urge knew what they were doing and was a willing evil participant.

So how, I wondered, can anyone justify a Good Dark Urge? Not saying it can't be done, but how?

The implications I found troubling at first were that anyone who was evil would become good if they were simply removed from their environment. It had a ring of a sort of natural innocence, a sort of "noble savage" worldview that all of us would tilt towards good if our minds were wiped clean. Optimistic in some ways, very dangerous in its implications in others. Then I realized it wasn't a statement. It was a question.

Theme 3: Nature vs. Nurture

I then realized that nature vs. nurture is actually everywhere in BG3 side plots. Another reinforcement of the fact the Dark Urge storyline is baked into the DNA of the story. You have the Githyanki egg plot, Baelen's memory loss making him a good but absentminded person (which can be undone if you give him noblestalk, when he reverts back to the cruel man he was), heck, even the owlbear cub can be given a loving home where he thrives. You are shown, over and over again, stories where you can choose and contribute to and ponder whether or not evil is a product of nature or nurture, in a way that's incredibly relevant to pondering the Dark Urge's path forward under amnesia. Was this Bhaalspawn evil by nature or by choice? It's very juicy stuff.

Furthermore: all of the companions actually offer ways to rationalize the Dark Urge and choose a path forward for them to fall back into evil or move forward into good. This is because the writers of BG3 are actually superb at thematic mirroring. Each Companion can be a mirror for one way to understand the Dark Urge, how they were evil in the past, and how they could choose to change.

Shadowheart: Indoctrinated into the cult of a cruel god from childhood, you grew up in a world where the only moral compass you had was utterly controlled by those around you. You never knew a different world than the cult of Shar/Bhaal. Now with your memory wiped, you have the option to listen to the voice deep down that says the cruelty demanded of you by the little you can remember feels wrong or even follow the good examples of your newfound Companions to see a different way to live. Maybe you always had goodness in you deep down, but the society you knew channeled you towards evil that you're only now free of, albeit with a past full of holes you're trying to fill in again.

Karlach: Maybe you were never a truly willing participant in the Bhaal cult. Incredibly skilled at killing, yes. Perhaps a bit morally flexible to get involved with figures like Gortash. But ultimately, when you were whisked out of the bloody war and world that you were immersed in by circumstance, you saw your chance to get your old life back from before the Bhaal cult and you took it. Baldur's Gate is your home. People like Karlach are the ones hurt by the actions of the Dead Three Plot that you might never have put a face to if you'd never been taken from that world. Now that you see the harm caused, now that you're free, you can finaly become your own person again after being a foot soldier for evil forces.

Lae'zel: You were a true believer in Bhaal's cult. You grew up worshipping your evil god. It's the only life you knew and the only life that gave you meaning. You were a willing participant but before now, you'd never known any other life. However, through exposure to other people, other cultures, other ways of life, you're beginning to see that there are ways to live outside your narrow life of indoctrination in violence. The final blow comes to this worldview when you learn that your beloved god is completely fine with your destruction. They allowed Orin to take your place. Bhaal/Vlaakith would see you destroy and enslave the world for their own glory and be perfectly happy to destroy you at the end of all your hard, devoted work. You did not sin against Bhaal by rebelling against the full horror of his cruelty and negligence towards you, rather, Bhaal has sinned against you.

Gale: You were the beloved Chosen of Bhaal. Coddled, cradled, told you were special and perfect and wonderful. Of course you happily participated in the Dead Three plot, you lived a charmed life as the elevated darling of your deity. But then something went wrong. You were cast out. You've awoken lesser than you were, your body betrays you, you've lost knowledge that once made you walk among mortals as a near-godly figure. And it seems like Bhaal/Mystra doesn't care, as you wander the wilderness. You're hurt. Betrayed. Tadpoled. Orin has taken your place so easily, just as Gale was cast aside so easily. You don't know what you did wrong. You're angry. Resentful. How dare Mystra/Bhaal cast you aside so easily? They offer you a solution to get back into their good graces which require a complete denial, a complete destruction of yourself - becoming Bhaal's chosen once more or blowing yourself up for redemption. Ultimately, the way forward is in choosing yourself and relying on your own cleverness, rather than being seduced back into their circle of influence.

Astarion: Bhaal was a cruel master to you who controlled your every move. That doesn't mean you were a nice person though, or you didn't enjoy murder. But now you are finally free of Bhaal/Cazador's immediate reach. They cannot fulfill their evil plot without you. You can destroy them now, undermine them, or replace them - fulfill the Dead Three plot in your own name. Or you can take this chance once finally outside their grasp to rediscover who you really are, what you want, all the while your hungers drive you towards continuing to take the lives of others. But perhaps the help of new friends can help you deny these urges and steer you towards being a new person. What that new, better person is, what they even look like, is unclear to you, you've never really had positive influences. But maybe you can find it together.

Wyll: You lived your own life before you ended up in Bhaal's plot, as Bhaal's chosen. But that life was stolen. Now, through circumstances beyond your control, you have disappointed your father. Is there a way to escape the reach of Bhaal's control, Bhaal's pact? Will you sacrifice your soul to redeem yourself in the eyes of your father?

Honorable Mention - Minthara: Tadpoled and controlled by the Absolute, you are now set on throwing down all old gods that once thought to control you. Maybe you'll take over the Dead Three plot in your own name. Maybe you'll just take pleasure in tearing it down for your own reasons. Either way, your gods have sinned against you, the cult of the Absolute controlled you, and now you are unleashed to take vengeance.

With the Dark Urge, any one of these paths can provide a map for how to imagine your life under Bhaal's cult. Any one can provide a map for how to make use of your newfound freedom and to justify becoming a better person and saving the world. Or choosing not to.

[dnickels]

imagine I entitled the post GOD SEES YOU in all caps but then chickened out because I am too afraid to fly. So: onto the kind of post one makes when one's special man has fifteen minutes of screentime:: meaningful stares and lack thereof

Anyways, on the subject of things that are basically, essentially, almost but not actually text, I am haunted forever by that one reddit post along the lines of "wait, people think Irving is gay?" and the handful of responses that amount to "I don't see it". I have to remind myself that "this is not the eye contact of a man secure and confident in his love for women" is not textual evidence, but I think its significant and enriching to note nonetheless! It's an intriguing performance. Take for example, confronting Mr. Hickey about Gibson's accusation. Mr. Raftery comes in really strong, lots of direct nonblinking accusation-- compare this to earlier, when he surprises them in the hold, and spends half the time glaring but turns and looks pointedly away when it gets to be too much. He's making direct, inescapable eye contact when bringing the hammer down-- hellfire, cat o' nines, the works-- and then when suggesting the remedy he looks away. It's not until Hickey points up the oddness of the suggestions (cold showers and vigorous exercise are the usual prescriptions) that he snaps back, speaking for a higher authority. God sees you, I see you. (all this after we learned that Hickey watches Irving, presumably as he watches everyone, taking careful notes). It's that moment of wavering that takes it out of the realm of plausible deniability (youth pastor naiveté, Christian forbearance, monkish self-discipline) to an accidental tacit admission. He goes off-script, shares something personal and reveals a little too much.

I was looking back through Irving's roughly fifteen minutes of screentime (my boy...) and we do see a little more of this-- in the meetings where he's staring out into the fourth dimension, or looking down at his sheet making the report. There's a really interesting moment when he's yelling at Manson (boy if you don't get in that got-damn dead room) when the camera takes a wide shot and he's looking straight down at his boots-- "I'm going to order you down that ladder now..."-- and when we cut back he's right back on him. He's clearly not intimidated by poor Manson, but its interesting that he can't look him in the face when he brings up the flogging. Embarrassed for him? Embarrassed in general? I always took that meaningful cut of Irving staring into the middle distance when Hickey is charged with 'dirtiness' as the directors confirming he told Crozier what he knows, but I guess its not literally text. Even so! He clearly feels deeply over it, and doesn't want it to happen again (selfishly, I imagine), even if what he suggests is more cruel psychologically. The whole scene is interesting, it really makes me wish we had at least one other season to flesh out these characters. Irving staggers in, clearly struggling with the off-kilter ship in the way no one else in the scene is. He almost seems drunk. The script suggests he's feeling the strain of their situation, but doesn't give much more insight other than the visual language. I do think its worth noting he comes rushing in when Manson starts refusing-- someone posted a clip earlier of the near-riot when HIckey et al (including, again, Manson) go out and capture Lady Silence, and he is freaking out. Presumably the order of events while Crozier is in his room having a sulk/flashback is that the hubbub kicks out and Irving runs out to get a look (with the other lieutenants, presumably, its hard for me to tell but I don't see Hodge or Little, I think Fitzjames is still standing there) and tries to calm things down but is totally unable to regain control-- is that him yelling "get the Captain"? I think it is, and he is freaaaaaaking out. That, presumably, is why he comes down so hard on Manson when it looks like he's going to buck an order, and why Irving makes that incredible face when Hickey oils in to save him before fleeing. Sorry Tom Hartnell, its up to you now! I'm scared and want to go home!

Which is getting away from my point, when is the direct eye contact-- very meaningful to me that as he dies, lungs deflating and unable to give voice to his rage, he stares up at Hickey as long as he can. I see you. I see you clearly at last.

(TL:DR we love actors who give thematic resonance in all their choices, especially whem one portrays Spyglass Guy. hats off Mr Raftery!)

[darkcircles4lyfe]

hi hello ive just come from your enneagram 9 izuku post and i am just OVERWHELMED with joy & excitement after reading it, everything you said just feels so RIGHT!!

(i am a nine myself & have always felt weirdly attached to izuku in that he felt soso similar to me in such a weirdly specific way but i couldn't really explain why i just Got Him until now, so thanks for that little boost of validation lol)

with your post in mind, i couldn't stop thinking about this line from 412 and it got me curious if you had any additional thoughts on it/read it the same way i did:

the moment i read this line i immediately took a screenshot & filed it away in my Important Izuku Moments file, like idk! the wording of it, the way he's talking about shigaraki but could SO easily be talking about himself, that honestly devastating panel of the tears in his eyes...

we've gotten plenty of hints about izuku's emotional suppression (that 'heroes dont cry' scene with iida & todoroki, his flashback of all might telling him to 'stop being such a cry baby' during the afo fight, the whole 'control your heart' plotline...) but THIS line in particular feels so significant for some reason. maybe cause this could easily be izuku recognizing himself in/through shigaraki? maybe bc it is so close to izuku acknowledging the lid hes put on his own sad & lonely past? maybe bc this is the closest we've ever gotten to izuku saying i'm not okay, even if he isn't actually talking about himself yet?

im trying really hard not to ramble too much in your inbox lol, but everything you said in your post about tomura & izuku really hit home for me, i think you're so right about them. and this line in particular is what makes me think we really are going to see some version of tomura being the one to finally break through (Decay) izuku's emotional blocks & barriers (something something locked door imagery), and that just makes me really excited. for both of them :')

YAY!! I’m so glad to hear you resonated with it. It’s otherwise a bit of a “if you know you know” sort of situation, and it felt good to actually explain it.

I had a “!” moment with that panel too, and also when he says he’s determined to break through Tomura’s barrier, expose and acknowledge his pain.

My immediate thought was, “Oh hey, I’m definitely not making this shit up after all, because Horikoshi is obviously intending to confront the concept of bottling up your emotions/your past. He literally just stated it. We're on the same page.” While it didn’t directly confirm anything about Izuku, it's at least something he is aware of, which is an important first step. There's a line in Sleeping At Last's 'Nine' that I was thinking about a lot as I was writing the latter part of that post: "I'm just trying to find myself through someone else's eyes," which speaks to a need for Tomura to be Izuku's mirror, so that he can see himself.

Also, the revelation that Izuku is clinging to the idea that everyone has a "human heart" deep down is pretty clearly applicable to himself too, implying that he's dealing with a lack of self worth (a lot of Japanese fans were talking about this, and I think it doesn't come across as easily in English). I really love how Kudou clarified that Izuku is not naive for this. It's not the same as being blissfully ignorant to how cruel people can be. It's more like, "I need to believe in the worth of others or else I can't believe in myself." That's... so painful and beautiful.

I'm also excited for what comes next! Very soon!

[justanamesstuff]

feeling angsty lately, what if reader is having low self steem and slowly she changes her habits or clothes, until matty notices and brings the topic

Uff this hits too close to home 😅

Warning: low self-esteem, intrusive thoughts, fuck society.

"Going to take a shower before we head out, Matty." you inform him.

Matty has all his focus on his phone, reading some article he just mentioned...laughing about how absurd it is. You hear his quiet 'aha' walking upstairs.

You turn the knob, the water falling and hitting the bathtub, meanwhile you get naked in front of the mirror. Your eyes tracing every body part.

The scrutiny is harsh. You hate the reflection, you hate how your skin looks dry...how your stretch marks are showing every day a bit more and all around. The intrusive thought repeating 'should've exercised more'...'what does Matty see in me?' 'he's probably disgusted'. You can't stop butchering your self-worth, until a sound downstairs startles you....going to shut the thoughts under the water.

***

Weeks go by before Matty starts to put the pieces together. You wear long sleeves and baggy clothes, so they can swallow your form. He also notices you don't want to get naked in front of him any more, but he tries to downplay it as you being tired or stressed with work.

Although everything finally makes sense for him, when after coming home early he founds you inside your shared bedroom staring at your self...your face full of disgust looking at every part of you he adores.

"Hi, love."

Matty watches her eyes widen through the mirror, before Y/n quickly reaches for a towel to shield her body from him. His heart breaking.

"Hello."

"Everything alright?" he keeps his distance.

"Yeah...yeah..." she doesn't make eye contact, too embarrassed. "I'll- I'm going to get change. I'm-"

"Y/n?" Matty cuts her, she can't help but look at him like a deer spooked by headlights. "What's going on?"

She holds the towel close as if her life depends on it. "What do you mean?"

"Baby, please." he begs, taking one step closer.

"I- I'm sorry." when tears pool around her eyes, Matty doesn't wait a second to round her with his arms.

"Why?"

"I don't know." Y/n cries into his shoulder.

"Please talk to me so I can help."

You take a step backwards, staring at him. "What do you see in me?"

"Y/n?" Matty looks between your eyes, looking for answers.

"I...You can do so much better than me."

"Baby, no."

"Yes!" she shouts. "Look at me, I'm fucking horrible...and I keep pretending I'm enough for you when I'm clearly not..."

He waits until you finishes, giving you the space to speak freely. Matty hears you huff.

"That's all?" your heart freezing thinking he's not interested about your true feelings.

"I- Yes! I don't know."

For a few minutes, you two stand close, looking into each other's eyes.

"Can you drop the towel, baby?" he suddenly asks.

"Why?"

"Trust me."

You do. The air inside his lungs getting stucked, his veins pumping rapidly...even though Matty tries to keep the composure, this is about you, not him.

"Turn about, Y/n."

The mirror is behind you. Looking at your body again, in front of his eyes, is not something you want to do at the moment.

"Matty."

"Please."

You obey his order, feeling how his clothed chest comes in contact with your back. Matty's arms rounding you, closer but not in contact with your skin.

"Tell me what you see..."

The air is lacking around you. All you can sense is his presence and his hands closer.

"I-" you stutter. "My hips are very wide."

You wait for Matty, but his only response is a quiet 'mhm' encouraging you to continue. His hands founding a home on the place you mentioned, and chin resting on your shoulder.

"I hate the stretch marks because there's anything I can do to get rid of them..."

You keep going and going about the stuff you hate. Matty's eyes following every spot you name without saying more words.

When you finish the list of things you hate about yourself, Matty attaches his lips to your neck and his hands roam around your stomach. Your body coming to life, your body heat rising.

"Matty." you breathe out.

"I know there aren't enough words I can say to make you see how beautiful you are, Y/n." Matty whispers, the air coming from his mouth caressing your skin. "But if me repeating them every single day of our life can slightly convince you of how breathtaking you're, I'll not hesitate, my love. You're not only drop-dead gorgeous...you're my soulmate, Y/n. You're the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with...soul and body. Even when our skin wrinkles, because time passes and our bodies can't fight that, I'll spend hours touching you, loving you, Y/n."

Your head fells forward, feeling tears streaming down your face. "I'm sorry." you tell him.

Matty softly lifts your head, touching your chin with two of his fingers. His eyes burning yours through the reflection.

"I understand, Y/n. Sometimes this happens to me-" you shake your head. "Yes. But that's normal...I hope next time this happens, you don't hide from me, baby. I want to help you if I can...I want to show you how much I adore you...would you let me do that?"

"Yes."

"Come on, baby." Matty says, taking your hand and guiding you towards your bed.

[noa-de-cajou]

UUUUUUUURRRRRRGHHHHHHHH.

WORKING RETAIL THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS EVE SUCKS.

There is no god up there, I'm telling you, because if there was he wouldn’t make me work in a mall filled with people and radio music all day long. But the fucking law degree I don't even want to get isn’t gonna pay itself, is it.

Only a few more months of this and I'll be free. Sure, working in a clothing store is a bazillion times better than when I was a cashier at a supermarket, because I'm more interested in fashion than I am in tuna cans, but still. Either I'm stuck sitting all day behind the counter, or I have to walk around with my fucking low-quality prothesis that hurts like a motherfucker because there's no room for a wheelchair in the fucking alleys and the crutch doesn't look corporate enough.

Let's not even talk about my colleagues. Some of them are sweet, but the others, GOD, I can't stand those bitches. Like, I'm all for gossip. But harmless gossip. Not gossip about how supposedly fat the clients are or how X or Y looks like a whore with a skirt on. The only times I join them is when they rate clients on how attractive they are, because it makes time go faster and purposefully giving ratings opposite to theirs is my only joy in this Rihanna-filled fast fashion hell.

And speaking about hell, today I'm on counseling duty and the shop is full, so I have to stand in the alleys with Clément and Alma. Clément is the only guy in the team but he's acclimated just fine, shittalking as much as the others do, and hitting on me repeatedly despite my obvious lack of interest. He asked me if I had a boyfriend, but the fact that I have two doesn’t mean I want his stupid fucking face anywhere near mine. I don't mention my sentimental life, certainly not my sex life either. They’d eat me alive. Especially Alma. Boy is she one of the meanest judgmental bitches I've ever met, and I'm pretty mean and judgmental too. Pretty sure she was a bully in middle school, and if she wasn't she would have been perfect for the job. Unfortunately she has the same as mine.

We’ve clocked in for the afternoon twenty minutes ago, they’ve rated ten people already, my prosthesis hurts like hell, my period’s coming soon, I think one of them isn't going to make it out alive if they let me stay in their close vicinity.

Deep breaths, Bronya. Chill. Do it for the money, do it for the moolah.

“Oh wow, look what the cat dragged in,” Clément whispers with a voice already dripping with cheap self-satisfaction. “Bronya, Bronya, check this out.”

God fucking damn it what is it n- Holy SHIT.

Wow. Uh. Okay. Wow. I must say I wasn't expecting an almost two meters tall woman with scars all over her face and the thickest glasses I've ever seen. I kinda get why she caught their attention. I mean, she's-

“Someone call the zoo, I think they lost their giraffe.”

… Yeah, of course, why did I even believe they’d be nice this time. My faith in humanity really is far too great.

And the insult isn’t even good. Alma should at least choose a hobby that she's good at. Or maybe annoying the shit out of me is her hobby, in which case she deserves a medal.

The tall girl goes about her business, hesitantly browsing through the clothes. She moves without any self-confidence at all, it's kind of sad. Because she isn’t just tall, she’s buff as fuck too. Maybe a bit lanky? But eh, that looks like someone who works out a bunch.

“What’s she even doing in the women’s section ?” Clément sneers. “The only thing that makes her one is…”

He makes a very not subtle gesture above his chest. Alma giggles.

“What, Clem, is she not your type?”

“Oh, you know my type.”

And he oggles me. He OGGLES ME.

“That girl's like, a three. The ten is right here.”

…

Is the money really worth it? Can’t I punch him in the face?

No. Calm down. Let's be CIVIL. Let’s be POLITE, shall we?

“For the hundredth time, Clément, knock it off. Also you should lower your expectations for women, because as far as I know, you're nobody's type yourself.”

So much for polite, but that’s never been my forte. Clément reddens, his eyelid twitches a little, but Alma’s there, so he laughs it off. Yeah, I know your kind, asshole. Too bad, I have standards on who gets to fuck me and you’re not meeting any.

“Wow, chill, Bronya! I’m just tryna be nice.”

“Well why don’t you try being nice to her then?” I mumble.

“Clem has a point, you know,” Alma chimes in. “When you shop in the women’s section, you should at least try to look like one! No, for me, she’s a two at best.”

Why doesn't she look like a woman? Is it the short hair? The muscles? The hoodie? The pants that are slightly too short? The overused sneakers? The scars?

Or are you just a fucking bitch?

Poor girl looks so confused, too. Clearly she's not used to shopping. And the other two keep throwing in names and little pesky remarks instead of doing what they're paid to do.

Screw it.

“You guys are dicks.”

I limp away from them and towards the girl without leaving room for a reply. My artificial leg creaks with each step but I don’t give a shit at this point.

Fuck, she’s really tall. I have to break my neck to look at her, we’re like forty centimeters apart. She looks down at me, nervously, and I clear my throat.

“Do you need help looking for something?”

Shit. I forgot the customer service smile, and my tone was really dry. She doesn't look thrown off though. More like relieved.

“Um… Yeah. Kind of. I have an important meeting with someone. On… On New year's. And I want to look nice for it, but I don’t own any smart outfits and…”

She glances down at the dresses she was looking through a second ago, and sighs. I don't think she’s that much older than me, now that I look closely. There’s also a big golden pendant dangling around her neck, it looks kind of out of place.

“Well, even if there was my size, I don’t think any of these would look good on me.”

Not look good on her? Has she seen herself in the mirror? Hell, I don’t care what the others say, she's gorgeous.

… Okay. I'm going to find this girl a good outfit no matter what. That’s my mission now.

“I'm sorry, the fashion industry really sucks. Especially for women who don’t fit the arbitrary standards. You might not find a dress your size, but would a suit work?”

She blinks, clearly she didn't expect that. She thinks about it, I can almost see the little thought bubble over her head. She’s kind of adorable.

“I mean… Yeah. I would feel more comfortable in a suit, I think.”

“Let’s see what we can find for you, then. Do you mind if it's from the men’s section?”

She shakes her head. Great. I gesture for her to follow me, and she blinks.

Oh. Did she only notice the prosthesis just now? She really doesn’t have much awareness. At least she didn’t hear all the shittalking, I guess.

I feel stares on us. With her scars, she must get a lot of those, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She’s looking around with eyes filled with something between absolute terror and full-blown marvel.

That reminds me of a certain someone.

Hanko was so thrilled when I took him for shopping. He had never went before.

Ugh. I really don't need to think about him right now.

I get stares too, because of my leg. It doesn’t really affect me much anymore.

It shouldn’t, at least.

I get to the suit jackets and start looking for one that would fit. With her hair and eyes, I'd go for red or black… Eh, let's go with black. Looks good with anything. Maybe she'll need a shirt, too… Well, that’s where the red will go then.

She looks at me anxiously. Uh. Maybe making conversation will help?

“What’s the occasion-”

“Um, I was just wondering if-”

Oh, crap, she wanted to speak, uh, shit, fuck –

“Uh, sorry, go ahead –”

“No, you first!” she exclaims a bit too loud.

“But you looked like you wanted to ask me something –”

“I-It can wait. What was your question?”

… Welp. Seems like she lost the courage. Great job, Bronya. Might as well ask what I was going to ask, then.

“What’s the occasion? The thing you’re going to on new year’s. Something fancy?”

She… She blushes. Like crazy. Oh. Ohoooooo. A date? Might be a date. That’s the gossip I'm down for. I must be smiling a little too wide because she gets even redder.

“I… No, it's not like that. It’s just…”

She re-adjusts her glasses. There’s a weird expression on her face. Nervous, but sort of hopeful. Her fingers graze her necklace. Probably a gift, then.

“I'm reuniting with someone I haven’t seen since middle school and I really want to look better than… you know, this. I don’t want her to think I'm letting myself go, you know?”

Aww. Okay, that’s cute. Sounds like she cares a lot about whoever she’s gonna meet up with. Better handle it with the same amount of care, then.

“Okay. So. If it’s nothing formal, I think the suit jacket and a shirt would do great. You can also wear normal pants instead of suit pants if you don't want to look too overdressed.”

She looks down at her feet.

“... But all the pants I own show my ankles.”

“Not a problem. If you pair it with the right socks and shoes, I can assure you it looks very trendy. Do you have some nice shoes?”

Because as comfy as they look, those sneakers have seen better days and I bet they don’t offer any protection against snow or rain. Luckily, she nods.

“My sister is going to get me some for Christmas. I know it's needed.”

God, she looks so tense. I raise my prosthesis, she looks on with confusion.

“Well, I would have loved to advise you on shoes as well, but as you can see, I only need one.”

She doesn't erupt in laughter or anything, but that gets a snort out of her. Hehe. Nailed it. I hold out the shirt and jacket I picked up.

“Care to try them on?”

The determination on her face as she nods is really funny. And kind of cute. I lead her to one of the dressing rooms, like you’d do with a kid.

“Hum… Could you give me an opinion once I'm done? If that's okay, of course. I really don’t want to keep you, I know it’s busy this time of year…”

Oh with that kind of consideration she can keep me all she wants – I mean what. Focus, Bronya, focus.

“Yeah, sure thing. Take your time!”

I stand outside and wait. The store has gotten busy again. Clément eyes me from afar, I ignore him, and he rushes to help Alma who seems to be in a pinch with an old bitch. That’s karma for you.

I hear the noise of fabric ruffling inside. She's probably taking off her hoodie or t-shirt right now. I wonder if she's really muscular or if it's just an illusion because of her body type. Huh…

Wait, what the hell? Don’t imagine what a client looks like without her clothes. That's creepy. Well, technically it’s part of my job, to picture what clothes would fit best depending on the body, but still! No! Nope! Not her! Not like that! Not-

“Um… I'm done.”

She pushes the curtain open and – oh my god. Oh god. Oh fuck. Shit. Um. Wow.

I’ve never, and I mean never seen someone wear a suit jacket like she does. Like it… it’s just… she’s just…

“You’re perfect.”

She blinks. I blink. OH SHIT I SAID THAT OUT LOUD COME ON THINK THINK THINK SAY SOMETHING-

“I-It looks perfect on you, I mean!”

That's… Ugh, that's not much better, but at least it’s gotta be a little less out of line, right?!

She smiles. Oh fuck, she smiles. With all of her teeth. And it just lights up her entire face, her eyes glint behind her glasses.

“Is that why you're all red now, Bronya?”

Huh? Huh???

Hold up, where exactly did the shyness from earlier go?! That's not fair. That is so totally not fair –

… Wait a minute.

“How do you know my name?”

The embarrassment dawns on her face again. She can't dodge that question, the sellers don't wear name tags here.

“I… sort of guessed it was you? I’m actually a second year in psychology, and you're pretty popular at uni. You write in their newspaper, right? I always read your column. It's cathartic.”

Huh? She…

First off, I didn’t take her for a student at all, certainly not a year behind me. Second, I had no fucking idea I was known to the point that second year psychology students talk about me. Third, she reads my columns. She actually reads my columns. Holy crap.

“I… Uh… Thanks. I'm sorry I never noticed you before, I just… I guess we don't see you guys often?”

Because if I had seen her before, I’d definitely remember it.

“It’s okay. I only saw you from afar before, or heard about you from other people, so I'm glad I can finally speak to you in person.”

And she says it… not really excitedly, but she looks so sincere. She sounds so earnest. I have no idea how to react to that. I’m not prepared for this.

“I mean… Well, nice to meet you, I guess, uh…?”

“Lubell.”

Lubell. Even her name is pretty.

“Well, I sure hope I live up to the rumors, Lubell.”

“Hm… I wouldn’t say that. There's something the rumors never told me about you.”

She smiles again. And it's more timid, but it's still…

“You’re really kind.”

…

Well that's…

I've received tons of compliments before but…

That one…

Is definitely…

New.

Fuck.

“I'm… just doing my job.”

“Well, it feels like much more than that to me, so thank you.”

She does a little turn with the jacket and the shirt on. Clément and Alma really must have shit in their eyeballs because that's a definite ten. Or a twelve. Hell, that's a twenty.

“I think I'll buy those, in any case. I’ll see you at uni, then?”

Oh god. She wants to see me again. Don't be weird.

“Um, yeah, sure. I’m glad you… like the clothes.”

She smiles again, pulls the curtain back. I try really really hard to not think about her movements in there but my head’s a mess. Oh the horrifying ordeal of being known. She gets out with her hoodie on and my heart doesn't slow down at all.

“Thanks again. I’ll tell you how it goes next year. And I'll write a review on the store website to say that a very kind ginger employee helped me.”

And off she goes to pay, leaving me standing there gawking and blushing like an idiot. What the hell is wrong with me today? Well, what isn’t would be a better question.

A hand pats me on the shoulder. It’s Mireille. Mireille’s a forty-year old woman with hair dyed red and the manager for today, which is good because I like her and right now she seems pretty pleased with me.

“Nice job, Bronya. I've seen that girl go in and out of at least five other stores here. But look at her now, going home with brand new clothes and a smile. And we gain a new client. Some people could learn a thing or two from you.”

She shoots a disapproving look towards Clément and Alma, both back to gossiping in a corner, before patting my shoulder.

“Well, I’m going to go be the Big Bad Manager with them for a minute. You take a break, alright? And then back to work, missy. Those clothes aren’t gonna sell themselves!”

And she leaves to go yell at my dearest colleagues. Maybe there is a god up there. At any rate, I'm grateful for the free break and the calm it brings. I sit on a bench to massage my leg a little, let my thoughts go a little astray, as a treat.

Lubell, huh. She has a pretty smile. A pretty face. She’s just pretty.

You're kind.

I’m not. I’m really not. But it's nice to hear.

I’ll tell you how it goes.

So she really intends to see me again.

Wow.

My face is hot.

Maybe this job isn't so shitty after all.

[beanghostprincess]

Every time I see your sanuso posts rhghhhgg I love this ship thanks for feeding me content. I just feel like I need to share my thoughts now lol

Sanji having to accept he has feelings for a *man*. In like a "oh fuck this has never happened before what the shit" way cause he's scared and doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to fuck up and it's really hard to accept these feelings for him and just as a part of him.

Also just him spacing out to think "why him of all people" cause Usopp is really just a silly little guy a small silly guy he is so silly and simple AND YET...

While Usopp struggles with his self-image and accepting himself as well. It's not Water 7 bad. But it's there. He's trying his best to become stronger. But he can't help thinking about all the times he might have caused trouble for the crew. And he brushes them off with jokes or excuses. Or if he's genuinely at fault he apologizes. But the feelings are still there. Bottling up.

Sanji somehow figures out, whether just by looking at the sniper who's in a bad mood or by overhearing his drunk/half-asleep thoughts and goes "nuh-uh" and showers him with nice words and maybe a snack to cheer him up and oh my god he is so terrible because it's so hard for him to say "I love you" because it sounds weird and he doesn't want to sound romantic because he's still in denial and tries his best to avoid anything that may be interpreted as anything but platonic which leaves him with lack of much needed words.

And then Usopp notices Sanji's struggle to speak and lets go of his sadness to make fun of the cook (kinda) for his approach and then just easily tell him "Love you too" and give him a big hug and just stay like this for a while. And Sanji being a completely touch starved loser he is just has to prevent himself from hugging Usopp tighter. He doesn't care if sniper takes it the wrong way, he's just genuinely worried he will crush him if he does he knows he might.

And also the fear of telling Usopp when Sanji eventually does come into terms he's in love. Like that's gotta be the most nerve-wracking experience at the time.

Everything goes well tho they hug and hold hands and smooch and do boyfriends stuff and then the crew found One Piece and Luffy became king of pirates and everyone made their dreams come true and everything was good the end.

sanji is just like me fr repressed bitch i love him so much so much so much-

this is so sweet and it captures their characters perfectly!!! i'm actually such a fan of sanji's struggles with saying "i love you" despite one of his love languages being words of affirmation (i mean the first one is obviously acts of service). and also usopp struggling with his self-worth is always something that makes me cry,,,

this is exactly why water 7 is sanuso shippers' roman empire. they're literally perfect.

and i'm glad you like my posts!!! i'm mentally unwell!!! they make me ill!!!! i'm insane <3