#I can't help this awful energy
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Do you happen to do this too?
#Please stop#you're scaring me#Halseycontrol#ocs#edit#fake scenarios#meme#tiktok#Imaginary#brainstorm#artists on tumblr#brazilians#blog#brasil#anime 2024#And all the kids cried out#I can't help this awful energy#Goddamn right#you should be scared of me#Who is in control?
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:and Control by Halsey:
:listens to Against the Kitchen Floor by Will Wood and Body by Mother Mother on repeat as I write the next chapter of CBTY:
#I'm bigger than my body#I'm colder than this home#I'm meaner than my demons#I'm bigger than these bones#and all the kids cry out please stop you're scaring me#I can't help this awful energy#goddam right you should be scared of me#who is in control?
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Some scenes from Cashback (2006) for anyone who hasn't seen it.
It's a sex comedy from the 00s, and Shaun's character is supposed to be a total pervert, so...prepare yourself for that, lol. Also in the background there's artwork of naked women FYI.
#cashback#sean biggerstaff#shaun evans#hearing shaun say 'sexy baby' made me die a little inside#you'd think between him and my childhood crush on biggerstaff it'd be worth it but unfortunately no#awful character but he still looks cute and he has the energy of a cartoon character#which i can't help but find funny. like that look on his face at the end. the sounds he makes!#also amuses me his name is sean and he's a photographer
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🕸🎀˚.⁺⊹
#so i have an appt. to the psychiatric department for personality disorders tmrw...#and like i tried sending a self referral to them last year lmao#and they only said that heyyy you're doing amazing sweetie you are high functioning 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻#then i've ben to the health care center and since they think they cant treat me bc it's too severe they've sent referrals to other places#which have all declined me... so they also sent one to the psychiatric who sent a referral to this pd department#who that time also said that they can't accept me#so the therapist at the health care center like idk exactly but she sent a report on how they didnt handl my case properly#which made them call on me for an evalutation appt.#but i have 0 hopes. i honestly think the entire psych care is fucking lame and bullshit#i highly doubt they're even equipped to treat personality disorders#& even if they are theire budgetis getting cut bc ppl love having rightists ruling the government .... which means no funds for healthcare#anyway. PLUS it's a man.... -_- which reducuses my chances of being taken seriously even more...#i also hate talking to male therapists/psychiatrists... no fucking thanks. but i have to </3#i just really dont wanna go. like im gonna have to put energy into trying to argue for my right for treatment. w ppl who should inferstand#UNDERSTAND* i hate typing on my ipad ffs. they should understand my personality disorders..#bit health care proffessionals are horrible ppl and dont give a fuck abt their patients lol. so they're only condescending and rude 🤢🤮#i hate being in these environments bc everyone treats u like shit. the receptionists are so fkn rude and almost outright mean and insulting#the doctors and therapists and psychiatrists are all bullies who look down on u and make u feel small and worthless#so im really dreading it... but im also at my wit's end. i am missing out on my entire life. im desperate for help#even if i wholeheartedly believe that these worthless wastes of space wont give me any treatment i'll still need to go and try#then ig i'll just have to keep pestering the healthcare system. i might wventually even have to start going to the psych. ER so they put#that on my records and like idk. that costs money tho. plus from everyone i've heard from...#being at a psych ER esp when your situation isnt dire is awful and hell#my cousin who had been ther after a sui attempt had said that it 'scared him straight'#and that it was so terrible that he did everything to get back home as soon as possible and do whatever to never end up there again#so yuh... i'd rather not!#i was supposed to (my own decision) to write a list with ALL my symptoms and bring and be like LOOK MONGREL!!!#but since i suffer from avpd...... i havent. i procrastinated and now it's too late whoopsie. i'll just have to wing it fuckkkk 🥴#ofc it also has to be 8.45 .. so early in the morning for me im so mad ahhhhh i dont wanna go i am throwing up and screaming#but atp i'd have to pay $35 myself for not going so that will motivate me enough to force myself to go
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Starting to slowly realise I'm really not doing well mentally and it's. concerning. I feel like I should take a break from tumblr bc it takes some of what little energy I have but it's also my source of joy with friends so idk what to do, like I'd miss y'all more than I'd feel good about being away. But if you notice me talking less/not responding in days it's bc I just cannot. I leave your message notifs up so I don't forget tho <3
#Personal#Feeling dreadful bc so many friends have shared with me things they wrote that I SO GENUINELY AM EXCITED TO READ#I've just had literally no time nor energy for ANYTHING I enjoy in like a month#And I'm also literally not sleeping. I'm either not sleeping or I have recurring nightmares that wake me up. It's god-awful#Therapy isn't helping either cause atp I already know everything they're advising me about it's just not working#Nothing's changed either which ofc makes me feel worse. No meds changed no habits changed nothing crazy happened#I'm just suddenly worse than I've been in years which is Not Good#I feel awful for not being able to read my friends' things if I could let y'all see my mind you'd know I want to read what you write so bad#I just can't right now. I'm sorry#Not to mention work and school have been especially more demanding recently and I literally get home after 8 every single night#Don't even eat dinner til past 10pm#Doing hw until 3am etc etc#It's like high-school all over again but I'm an adult with more responsibilities than ever
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#ok this one will be a vent#vent#tw vent#I can't fucking understand how there are people who don't constantly want to off themselves#like I can't even imagine that#it's beyond me#there was never time in my life when I weren't suicidal even my earliest child memories are connected to wanting to off myself#and also how the fuck am I supposed to do this all this stuff and have time for friends & family and have time for hobbies and have time to#rest and have time to do basic stuff like cooking and exercise#when most of my energy goes to not killing myself#idkidk it's all awful#I know you guys can't do anything with it and I promise I receive a lot of care and help from others so dw#it's just... idk bottling this keeps getting harder ig#I don't want to be a bummer so sorry for that#if you could send me a hug gif or something like that I'd be thankful
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Saw certain tweets and here once again a reminder which a twt mutual luckily wrote shorter than I could (plus public so I can rb bc no way I do that myself on that site)
Also
And if you want smth I wrote myself which is longer and not just abt that here you go
#a wild lux appears#I think they're one mutual who is fine w being screenshotted ik some don't want that#I wrote that bsky thing while waiting for food. Reg the fellow person I talk abt don't bash ppl that already spoke up and stop for a bit#To rb more later. Or ppl that still go to work bc they can't afford not to bc the thing by these actions is community isn't there as net#Or like anyone that shows they care and didn't do anything harmful and just take recharge time or so#Educate willing(!) ppl nicely and don't bash them or send a internet mob to them etc#The ones posting they still go to/buy boycott stuff yeah they're awful but what does bashing them bring at the end of the day#Don't support those ppl yeah but them posting that shows how much they care for it. They prob just want cloud which you give them.#Pressure ppl in power in a way they can't ignore focus on that not no name individuals#If ppl you know talk in private and if they don't want to change literally just cut them out of your life if possible#Online just block. Don't argue w people that just want to stir smth up etc etc#Also I don't think it's too productive to be mad when a standard user anywhere doesn't share stuff. Like yeah give them info abt that but#some either just do smth offline (in that case maybe tell them in this case just sharing online is also helpful) or are mentally too done#and focus all energy to survive (which is intended by the ppl in power. make ppl so done they only have energy to survive themselves so they#don't have energy to speak up abt problems in the world). Bashing famous ppl is completely different bc backlash actually brings smth there.#More ppl could do more if strike organizations would include community care so more actually could not go to work/shopping#Also reg protests so they should know do you know how many don't watch news anymore (I don't watch tv since many years)#I'm sure some also just can't esp younger ppl if they're parents monitor their socials and are zionists#Ofc speak up. I'm just here to say there are explanations. If they read things and still don't care unfollow/block/mute/idc or if you know#Them talk and explain how if is important they speak up#This has been going on for a good while now idk how many still don't know I am mostly pointing that out for new or not as much shared things#Tho I'm sure many don't know bc the standard response is the gov knows what he does and they do propaganda#They think surely the gov takes care of that. If they shut down convos reg that then that is dangerous denialism and living in escapism n#All. Not if the ppl who follow this need a break w fiction or so. I am sure the ppl you try to reach w bashing already muted/blocked all#accs and words associated w that#Anyways I gotta shower now. Disclaimer my personal opinion be an asshole and it's block on sight yada yada.#I just woke up I'm hungry I need to shower but that is also when I decide to share my pieces so
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google how do i enjoy smoking weed again. Google how do I go back in time to mend that which was broken
#the craziest switch up you will ever see in your life is me one year ago smoking daily to me now smoking like. once or twice a month#it's scary bc it's like i can't smoke anymore. i get racing thoughts real bad and instead of vegging out i feel guilty about being “lazy”#which sucks bc now that i work full time something that could turn my brain off after work would be SO helpful#and i miss being so effortlessly awed by what i consumed while high. tv music food whatever#I'll never get that back again. or maybe i will. who fckn knows!#anyway if I'm on tumblr less now it's cuz I've been “welcome to the real world sucker'd” and never have the energy to be here anymore#if u need me im playin mobile solitaire and listening to an episode of frasier
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#excuse the upcoming midnight ramble#but man am i awful at socializing...#i messaged an old friend the other day (a highschool friend i haven't talked to in 7 years ✌🏻)#and we had like a 5 message exchange and that's it cause i'm so bad at keeping conversations going#and like she's not dping very well mentally right now so she's not in the mood to keep the convo energy up#and i want to be nice and helpful but i have no right to ask details about her life (i haven't seen her in 7 years)#we're strangers again and i feel like such a creep trying to force myself into her life again#it's been a week since this and I really want to talk to her again but I don't know if i should?#like she was nice to me and said my message cheered her up and that it was nice that k thought of her#but idk of that was like a ''aw cute now let me go back to my life and you go back to yours''#or like a ''aw cute we should rekindle our friendship and just be like we used to''#and i don't want to assume the latter cause that's just creepy but i also don't want to never message her again?#idk if i should push her a bit or like wait until she's feeling better and try again?#i also feel like super selfish cause i'm treating the situation like ''i want a friend and i chose this one idc what she feels or thinks''#and she's not an object just there to be my friend only because i feel lonely?#like it's not her job?#i hate this idk what i can or can't do or what is creepy and what's nice#i hate socializing#angel talks#personal
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#❝ they can't believe i made you weak. ❞ ⸺ ⊰ akeshu. ⊱#❝ i just wanna turn the lights on in these volatile times. ❞ ⸺ ⊰ akira kurusu ⊱#❝ i can't help this awful energy. ❞ ⸺ ⊰ akira kurusu / musings. ⊱#( meta ↷ audio. )#Spotify
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🗑
#man this was the first time in a long time i cried that hard and felt that defeated in therapy#Everything came to a head after all the bullshit with neurology and the car loan stuff and i was completely honest with my therapist#i had such a massive breakdown because I'm just so exhausted#I can barely function beyond work and it's killing me#I don't know how to express to people and make them understand that i can't keep this up#i am killing myself just from work alone#The house is always trashed. my hygiene has been awful#i barely have the energy to talk to people let alone friends i care about#i have been having so many issues breathing this week it's like there's a weight on my chest that's sometimes accompanied by chest pain#And I know I should go see someone about it but what's the point? they're not going to listen to me#if i go to urgent care they're gonna tell me to follow up with my doctor. my doctor won't see patients for 2+ months out#i feel like I'm getting worse and worse and i don't see a light at the end of the tunnel#i can't do this anymore#i don't want to keep living through all of this anymore but i have no choice#there's only so much therapy in the world that can help when at its core i am not made to function in this world#there's only so much therapy that can help combat the fact that the world at large is so fucking awful and we can't fix it because of#politics and billionaires who ruin everything#these were supposed to be the best years of my life and i feel like i am a third party. an npc#anyway#vent //#long tags
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Ooooh~ Drink mix up? >.>
Because! Wes DID, in fact, get that dream job. HAS learned... after many, many hours of "beat about the head and shoulders with an ethics pamphlet by his great aunt", to keep his mouth shut! Family curse of Sight? WHAT family curse?
He doesn't see shit! Mind your business.
What're you? A cop?
Look, he sent Fenton a gift basket. He was a shitty, shitty "I have to be RIGHT and nothing else matters!" Stubborn lil asshole of a kid. He got better. Grew up. No one is there best Self during puberty. He DOES, in fact, regret it.
Which is WHY, he is deliberately ignoring Kent's terrible, awful, paper-thin, "who meee~?" Aw shucks BULLSHIT excuse of a disguise, like it isn't blatantly obvious he's Superman. Yep. Nothing to see here! Nothing but us chickens! Mmmmm, morning coffee! Delicious.
But see, here's the THING.
The Itty, bitty, teeny lil PROBLEM...
Wes grew up in Amity "Totally Not Supernatural Hotspot For Centuries" Park. He is... to put it mildly, genetically? A freak. His biology is ALL fucked up. Everyone's is. And it WAS NOT made better by the Fenton's playing fast and loose with their hell basement. The Ectoplasmic NUKE that was that portal.
There is a REASON his morning coffee? Is COVERED. Contained. Fenton brand, LEAD LINED, specialty cups. The sort that can't be EATEN from the inside out. Eroded after a few uses. They're ugly as sin, but they work. He even ordered a few covers from Star's etsy shop. (Apparently he wasn't the only one who hated how ugly they looked. Good for her though, he heard it was doing well.)
He SAYS this? 'Cause his morning brew is less... straight COFFEE... and more... how to put this? A blend? Brew? Potion, really. Like an energy drink. From hell. Or, partially at least, the Zone. It's the combination of roots, seeds, and a few dried berries. Kinda like a tea, actually!
Tasty. Adds this nice fruity, warmth. A zing. Goes GREAT with the coffee. And it really perks you up... if you are Limnal. If you AREN'T? It'll desolve your esophagus like swallowing straight acid. And that's not TOUCHING the... witch-y, more Seer specific bit of the blend.
That stuff is medicinal. You know, "calm the mind" and "mental clarity". That sorta thing. With a good ol helping of "don't blurt out everyone's secrets, you spacey bitch! For the love of God, those are our INSIDE THOUGHTS!". Which? Really helpful! Infinitely less likely to get decked. It's a family staple.
Poisonous, though.
They're fine cause they've basically developed an immunity to that part, but like? Wouldn't recommend. It's why he NEVER shares his drinks. Food? On occasion. If he PLANS it and knows not to add and interesting spices. But DRINKS? Never. Weston family brews are basically NEVER safe.
Which? Begs the Very Important Question ™!
Who's Coffee Is This?
Cause it SURE AS FUCK AINT HIS!
You never realize quite how fast you can go from "completely calm and kinda sleepy" to "bomb strapped to my chest, primal panic AWAKE" until it happens to you. His coffee was ON HIS DESK. People have passed by. He talked to them. Cups put down and picked up. Lazy early morning. He doesn't even register, really, as his chair crashes to the ground.
He's shouting.
People confused. They don't realize yet. His head whips around, looking for that distinct cover. Before it's too late. Before someone takes that fatal sip. He spots it. Bolting from his desk. Crashing through coworkers, over desks. Chaos and outrage. "It's 'just' coffee!" They cry.
Kent turns, confused. Pretending. Raises his (HIS! Oh god!) cup to his lips, unknowing. Wes SCREAMS a warning. But he doesn't listen. "It's 'just' coffee" They never listen. Curse of Cassandra. God's damn it. This is why his family fucking CONVERTED!
He TACKLES the man of steel.
RIPS his cup away from him, knows his eyes are frantic. How much have you had?! Spit it out! Wes voice ECHOES in the sudden silence. I'm a META, Kent! It could KILL YOU!
And oh, Oh NOW they get it. Or perhaps it is the burn in his mouth that finally registers. He rolls, spits oil slick nebulae that eat away the floor. There is blood mixed within it. It took mere moments. Superman stares, transfixed and horrified, as Wes shakes. He... he should probably get off of him.
He'll move in a moment.
When his legs no longer feel weak from terror.
The news room is in chaos. Lane kneeling by her husband, Perry trying to do damage control. He... he's probably gonna lose his job, isn't he? Wes wants to cry. Protection laws only go so far, after all. And warning his boss about his dietary needs means jack shit, after an incident like this. Beloved as Kent is. Not that anyone likely believed him.
They never do.
And now he's nearly killed Superman.
@hypewinter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @nerdpoe @lolottes @babbling-babull @mutable-manifestation @dcxdpdabbles
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dc x dp#dcxdp#dc x dp prompt#minji's writing#killer coffee au#weston family brew#will make you see god or meet im
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imagine receiving a message from your friend about how she doesn’t understand why she always gets left alone and by herself, and then f*cking off for the rest of the evening by going offline.
unfortunately said friend is me, and while i have do have friends and nice friends, none of them have time for me and i am no one’s priority. right now i am having an argument with my mom, and my messages asking for someone to listen to my worries are being unread. i understand, you have your time with your boyfriend, you are having much more fun than you would by chatting with me, you are probably not even thinking about me rn. but that doesn’t change how f*cking lonely i feel, how there is no one there for me, and how tired i am of battling life’s bullsh*t on my own, all alone all the time.
#i am afraid of feeling like this bc i don't want to go through another friend break up#but i still remember the day i was feeling awful and this same friend told me she can't let it get to her even though she feels for me bc#she was having her own mental troubles and i get it#it's been hard for her and she pulled through now she is in a much better place#but i can't help but feel like i have to reply to every sos message asap and be there and help always and give my energy for it#but no one is there to do the same for me#i feel selfish and like i am a bad person#i just wanted to have a nice time relaxing and reading my book and now i am feeling terrible
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Talking with somebody about Sicilian ghost stories and how LFLS is haunted and reading their excellent WIP while listening to Michele's character playlist ... After so long of having my brain fried with stress, this is such a nice way to indulge the creativity again.
#Halsey's Control is still SO good for Michele wrestling with his demons and how he slowly becomes them#so chewed up he only knows how to bite not how to kiss#I'm bigger than my body ... I'm colder than this home ... I'm meaner than my demons ... I'm bigger than my bones...#And all the kids cried out Please stop you're scaring me I can't help this awful energy Goddamn right you should be scared of me#beablabbers
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Comic under the cut:
“And all the kids cried out, ‘Please stop, you're scaring me’”
“I can't help this awful energy”
“Goddamn right, you should be scared of me”
-Control by Halsey
(There is no player influence or Chara taking control in this comic… just a scared kid trying to protect themself the only way they know how.)
#undertale#undertale comic#Undertale fanart#undertale genocide#papyrus#frisk#papyrus undertale#frisk undertale#floof draws#my comics#ask me about the comic please and thank you I want to ramble about the many different things here#this is my love letter to papyrus undertale#in honor of all the genocide routes he’s stopped#papyrus you are wonderful#undertale neutral#Undertale neutral route
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omg uhhhh…
curly giving/receiving head headcanons??…
it’s so generic but I’m on the floor sobbing I’m desperate for more of this man, you’re an incredible writer and I love what you’ve written abt curly so far!!
I want to give this man the most world shattering head he's ever had in his whole life, like soiled sheets and fucking mind boggling orgasms. RIGHT NOW
Tw/cw; Afab!reader, cunnilingus AND filatio!!!! that's all I think
Not proofread
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Receiving
He whimpers.
No but like seriously, he does whimper. He'd be so caught up in the feeling that just slips out, along with him saying your name ofc 🤭
He'd be more of a sheet gripper than a hair gripper. Like I said in my marriage hcs, Curly tries his best to not be rough with you; and in his eyes, gripping onto your hair is being rough.
He mainly thinks that way because he's under the assumption that it hurts you, which he wants no part of. So, he sticks to what he thinks is best for you.
But sometimes he just can't help himself, the pleasure he's feeling overrules his own morals, and he breaks.
So every once in a while, he'll grab a hold of your hair and just.. push you down a little further and hold you there. It isn't his fault, he doesn't mean to! But he feels awful about it in the moment
Once he's finished, he's an incoherent mess. He's so fucked out he can't even form words properly, but after a few minutes he can say "thank you". Why does he thank you? He thinks it's nice; a gentlemanly thing to do.
He'll eventually apologize, just give him a few more minutes to compose himself.
Giving
Curly would be the type of man to constantly want you sitting on his face. And I mean CONSTANTLY.
He'd definitely use it as foreplay all the time. Even if you don't need it, he'll still insist. He probably gets more pleasure from it than you do.
Even though he doesn't want to hurt you, that rule for him doesn't apply when he's eating you out. His hands leave actual MARKS from how hard he's pulling your thighs down while trying to keep you still.
Do you guys remember what doja cat said about big noses? Curly would DEFINITELY position your waist in a way that your clit is resting on his nose. And then he'd use his grip on your thighs to rock you back and forth, as if you're riding it
As you can imagine it doesn't take long to cum after he starts doing that, and he's not letting a single drop go to waste. It's his favorite snack actually, he likes working for what he deserves 🤭
More often than not he'd ask to do it again, but it takes so much energy out of you that you physically can't sit up. It's like he's sucking the life out of you, both literally and metaphorically.
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A/n: Got me holding my breath I've been dreaming of this all night, thinking all the time about you hope that's alright
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing smut#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing x reader#curly mouthwashing#captain curly x reader#captain curly#curly x reader#curly x reader smut#i never know how to tag these#like why is tagging smut so... embarrassing...
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