#I can't eat and I can't even walk without feeling unbearably sick

[neurosky]

Going through treatment that causes nausea as a side effect while having severe emetophobia is just so fun /s

[princess-glassred]

I know I already have an au where Eddie and Henry swap bodies BUT that's only when they're adults, and I was wondering how it'd go with their parents, and the bowers gang, and school stuff. So here's how I think a Henry/Eddie body swap might go down when they're kids.

Let's start with Eddie!

-Eddie wakes up with an immediate tooth ache because Henry doesn't brush his teeth at all and they're a rotten. It's fuckin agonizing but he's able to deal with the pain.

-He goes into the kitchen to eat breakfast, but the sight of an empty table makes Eddie realize just how vastly different the parent-child dynamic is in the Bowers household. Eddie's mother smothers and spoils him so much she'd never forget a meal, but in the Bowers household, not only does Butch not make anything for him, but HE expects HENRY to cook. And so begins Eddie's exhausting and somewhat demaning list of chores Henry has to do everyday.

-He's not used to having to do so much, often times even if Eddie wants to help his mom will swat him away and insist he go play instead. He has to mow the lawn, weed the front yard, fetch eggs, tend to the crops, ect. Ect. It's kind of rewarding, but it's taxing as fuck. He also shows concern for Henry's skin since he apparently works in the sun all day without any sunscreen.

-This goes with out saying, but the unbearable stink of sweat and gum that's always on Henry makes Eddie wanna hurl. He gets pretty squicked out by sweat in general though, which is unfortunate because of the whole "working outside all morning thing".

-He also hates having to take care of Bip and Bop, since pigs are just about one of the grossest animals Eddie can think of. The fact Butch forces him to walk around in the mud and manure to tend to them just makes it so so much worse.

-Thankfully, Eddie doesn't have to deal with Butches anger for the most part, since he doesn't talk back like Henry and he's too scared to rebel in away.

-This is also a minor thing but the Bowers house is absolutely filthy, especially the living room and Henry's bedroom. He can't sit down anywhere.

-Finally, Eddie gets free and can fucking start looking for his friends to help him out. This is difficult though because Henry is actually banned from most places the losers club go, either for stealing stuff, breaking things, or threatening the people at them. He kinda just lurks in town for his oppertunity to catch them.

-Eddie's bigger and more muscular body is pretty much the only good thing about this predicament. He's so much taller now that it's actually kind of disorientating, and half the time he forgets his own strength.

-The Bowers gang eventually find him and drag him away to go shoot bottles and be dicks, and unsurprisingly, Eddie hates it.

-Patrick tries to make a move on him, Belch's behavior is disgusting, Vic's full of himself, and connor is just plain annoying.

-The way they try to egg him on is especially aggrivating, and unfortunately Eddie has to pretend like he, 1. Enjoys their stupid antics, and 2. Is Henry Bowers. Two things he is incredibly bad at.

-The one silver lining is that he gets to make some slight digs at Connor's expense as revenge for him being mean to Richie.

-Insterestingly enough, somehow, Patrick very quickly figures out he's not Henry, but that just makes him wanna hit on Eddie more. Of course the one person who figures it out is fucking Patrick of all people. Fuck.

-The way people look at Henry makes Eddie feel sick and even a little guilty. He knows he's not Henry, so he shouldn't have to feel guilty for what he's done, but the way kids stare at him in town really makes him think. Mike looks at him with such fear, he cannot help but feel awful and like it's somehow his fault. Bill sneers at him, Bev is digusted by his presence, Ben avoids him in the hallway he's so scared. It's horrible, and it really just emphasizes how badly Eddie wants to be himself again.

-While hanging out with the Bowers gang they try to force him to bully some kids, so he just sputters put some weird vauge threats that don't really mean anything if you think about them for more than a second.

-"We should go bully the losers!" "Yeah!" "Awesome idea!" "YEAH HAHAHA THAT WOULD BE SOOOO EPIC OORRRR, HEAR ME OUT, AN EVEN BETTER IDEA, WE DO SOMETHING ELSE!"

Now for Henry's turn!

-Henry wakes up and is immediately shocked by his tiny, fragile, uncalloused little doll hands.

-He's so much weaker and smaller now, and he gets injured much easier than before. He does take notice of Eddie's clean teeth though and uses it as an excuse to eat whatever the hell he wants with no fear of a tooth ache.

-Dude absolutely hates having normal hair, fuckin sucks.

-He also hates everything Eddie wears, finding his shirts and t shirts pretty feminine and weird lookin. Henry would rather chew on glass than ever wear a fanny pack, but Sonia insists he take it.

-Sonia Kaspbrak's smothering quickly goes from nice to incredibly annoying. She pinches his cheeks, forces him to hug her, calls him little pet names, Henry hates it.

-A lot of people call him cute now (Richie included), and the only thing more infuriating than that is the fact he can't really fight back.

-At school he tries to be his usual smug asshole self and he's quickly hung to his locker by his underwear. If it weren't for the losers he could have very well just stayed there all day.

-Belch, Patrick, and Vic all jump his ass and bully him, causing Henry to freak the fuck out and SWEAR he's gonna kick their butts when he gets back to normal.

-He tries to tell the losers to piss off, but everything he tries to do to drive them away only makes them more concerned for Eddie, and thus, makes them wanna reach out more.

-The constant array of pills Sonia forces him to take quickly pisses him off. The inhaler is even worse because he can FEEL Eddie doesn't need it, but his mom practically forces it down Henry's throat.

-He takes all of Richie's jokes SO personally, it's enough to make Richie honestly a little scared.

-Because Eddie's so much smaller than he is there's a load of annoying little moments where he can't reach something or lift something on his own, so he has to get one of the losers to help. The fact every loser is taller than him now fills him with almighty rage, especially Bev.

-The novelty of slipping by undetected and feigning innocence wears thin fast, as Henry misses when he was feared and not overtly condescended and babied by strangers.

-He tries to get his hands on a weapon at one point, since if he can't be strong at least he could compensate with knives and shit, but Sonia snatches it away from him real fast.

-Henry can't even decide if he wants people to know it's him anymore, at some point it just gets so embarrassing he'd rather try to fake being Eddie. At least if people expect Eddie to get pushed around, if anyone knew it was Henry he'd never live all the bullying down.

I'm not sure how this would get resolved or even how this happened in the first place, but I still think this would he a wickedly funny thing to see happen with these two. Right?

[bookwormcosplays]

SSRI Withdrawal Journey

I wasn't going to do this because I'm a very private person and I don't like talking about my mental health on social media, but I decided this is very important for me to remember how this felt and to give people a frame of reference.

I've been on lexapro for a year which I always knew it was going to be temporary because I was having a lot of mental breakdowns and I just needed to get through school. I told the psychiatrist I just wanted to get through school and she still prescribed me this. I was aware of the withdrawal, but I was under the illusion that it should be fine if I tapered.

Why not continue take it? It didn't really help me out a lot. It had more cons than pros. All it did was make me less angry and eat more which is something I'm capable outside of medication. The breakdowns though were affecting my school life that a round of therapy wouldn't help and this helped to minimize it, but now I graduated.

Fast forward to current day. I told my primary doctor I wanted to come off of lexapro, couldn't talk to my previous psychiatrist for other reasons, and my DOCTOR said "oh lexapro is easy just split your pills in half take it for a week then stop." I was on 20mg. I said I'm really concerned about withdrawal could I get 5mg pills. She said "okay" and gave me only a week of 5mg. Mind you I was already running out of my original pills. So I had no choice, but to follow her advice.  

1st Week (10mg): Insomnia, night terrors, night sweats, nightmares, and mania. I was very manic. I kept acting out of character, talking a lot, and pulling out old projects to work on. I was exercising. Doing a bunch of things even though I was running on very little sleep (2 hour naps basically). I also had some dizziness, but it wasn't too bad. I thought I could definitely handle withdrawal because I felt on top of the world.

2nd Week (5mg): Continued insomnia, night terrors, night sweats, and nightmares. New symptoms-- I crashed hard after the manic episode. Headaches (24/7 they will not go away with no type of medicine), joint pain, nausea, vomiting, no appetite. Can't drink water. Makes me sick. Dizzy spells get more intense. Static in vision. Can't walk straight. Bumping into walls. Falling more often. Can't look at phone or laptop without unbearable head pain or nausea. Migraines. Flu like symptoms (don't have flu, haven't been outside the house in a week). Sore throat, congested, fever. Increased sweating and what feels like hot flashes.

3rd Week (nothing): Continued insomnia, night terrors, night sweats, and nightmares. Headaches, joint pain, nausea, vomiting, no appetite. Dizzy spells, static in vision, still can't walk straight. Still bumping into walls and falling more often. Can't look at phone or laptop without unbearable head pain or nausea. Migraines. Flu like symptoms, sore throat, congested, and fever. Increased sweating and hot flahes. New symptoms-- Fatigue, try to sleep but nightmares keep waking me up. Yet I also don't want to sleep because the nightmares are so bad. Exhausted. In bed all day. No brain zaps yet? Noises make my head hurt. No matter how small. Cabinets closing, music playing, etc.

I will update the third week as we finish it up then make a new post as this goes on.

I don't know how people deal with withdrawal while working. If you want to take an ssri or lexapro specifically, I suggest you intend to stick with it. If you're just trying it out, figure it out within the first month. If you want to taper, do it with someone who understands the consequences of withdrawal. I seriously don't understand how this withdrawal is not different from opiods or any other drug. If I wasn't in a situation where I can't take it anymore, I would get back on it to stop this. Needless to say, I do not recommend lexapro for short term use or honestly at all (but also I'm in pain rn and very irritated).

[irbcallmefynn]

Bit of a simple one here. Nauno simply spying a new target. Didn't spend all too long on it.

Yesterday I looked up if Avali could eat chocolate (did not find my answer btw) and noticed that planets in the habitable zone for humans would be unbearably hot for Avali. So it's time for me to bullshit an explanation for why Nauno isn't miserable or outright dead that will probably contradict things I've said or drawn before!

The temperature where Fynn Nauno and Euphi live is quite variable. In the winter it can get bitterly cold, and Nauno is all over that. Sometimes they might bring an icepack with them if it's a bit warmer out, like seen above. More often than not though, Nauno is completely fine in the winter.

In the summer? Forget it. This guy is not going anywhere in the summer. The AC in his room is very very strong (thanks to a little demon magic from Fynn), so it's basically a refrigerator in there (Fynn can't even walk in there without feeling sick). Fynn (with some help from Euphi) "borrowed" some chemistry equipment from a nearby school and use it to make their own dry ice. They then make "Dry Ice Packs" for Nauno, which help a lot! It's at least enough for him to go out and get lunch with Fynn during the summer.

For Fynn it's basically the opposite. Loves the summer, can't go outside during the winter. One time when visiting his mom (which he does every couple of years) he picked up a few loose stones from Hell and keeps them in his pockets during the winter. So at least his hands are nice and warm, so he won't collapse from the cold. He'll just be super uncomfortable.

Euphi doesn't really care much about the temperature. It's precipitation that bothers heart. Euphi can't walk outside at all without an umbrella if it's raining or snowing. It's not going to kill heart, but it is extremely unpleasant and painful (basically imagine sweating into an open wound. Not very pleasant is it?)

[pizzaboat]

Being on T is weirdly helpful in the crying department

Because I can't cry and it is unfamiliar to me, and so majorly uncomfortable at times because I don't know how to handle the sensation yet

But it helped me out to day because I tripped really bad infront of some people and fucked up my ankle and was left limping for the rest of the day because I was on a trip

That on its own was kinda stressful because I didn't know if I actually hurt myself because it hurt to move my toes in one foot and my ankle was and is stiff and sore

But it was throbbing and numb in some parts when it first happened and now its just sore

But anyway, so I tell the acquaintances that I'm with that I'm worried I hurt myself and they dismiss it (condescendingly might I add. Telling me that its normal to be sore after how i fell.) I've fallen before and know the difference between ankle pain and unbearable pain

I have a high threshold.

But they then disapear on me in a McDonald's and go up two flights of stairs in there and I'm not even sure they're upstairs at that point. And then I start having a small panic attack? But no crying, or whatever. I just feel sick and my lungs feel weird and I feel the need to take shallower breathes to stop from fainting

But no crying, so I can bounce back from the humiliation

I find those people upstairs. Eat lunch and whatever. Leave without them because fuck them.

Find my friends in the place they were eating because I didn't want the food they were getting

But I feel invisible when I get there and that doesn't trigger another panic attack or anything, I just feel dejected and sit down on my own because one of my friends was ordering food and I thought he ignored me when he walked past but he was just getting his bag... (My RSD was bad at this point and all the weird social conditioning that neurotypicals like to do to you as a kid is making me feel worthless and invisible)

Anyway, only after all that do I slightly get my eyes wet and he's walking by me and getting my attention to tell me we are leaving and going back to our bus

And I must look a little upset? But I don't feel like I look too extreme, just sombre? But when he asks me if I'm okay, I feel a bit better then

And then I bounce back emediatly when the same friend checks to make sure I can walk while we detour at a shop because I told him I fell and hurt myself

Like, all I needed was to be acknowledged and I was fine again. Sure I felt weird and lame for being the sick and now hurt friend on the trip, like I was gonna ruin peoples good time if I made them slow down for me so I lied when asked if I could walk

ANYWAY

without T, I would've been bawling by the time I had the panic attack and the pain was unbearable in my ancle and calf

My face used to get so hot around my eyes and nose and know I feel normalish, except for some wet eyes when I register I feel disappointed or sad

[syntheticcy]

I YIELD WRITER'S PASSION. I YIELLDD!!

Izuku's footsteps echo throughout the empty hall. He holds a stack of papers close to his chest, sighing. He hasn't seen Katsuki in months. Sure he rejected being part of his agency, but surely he'd still want to be friends... Right? It's been so lonesome without him. Each lunch break feels more unbearably quieter than the last, even when he joins the other teachers. As Izuku starts to unlock his classroom door, he hears footsteps. He turns around, leaving his keys in the door.

His face lights up, it's Kacchan! He nearly drops his papers. Katsuki sees this and darts over, quickly taking the papers out of his hands. "Hey, be more careful! You were going to make a huge mess." Katsuki scolds. "Sorry, Kacchan!" Izuku blurts out, quickly he unlocks his classroom and invites Katsuki in. Turning on the lights, Izuku takes a deep breath. His heart beating out of his chest. He pivots to Katsuki, who's already sorting the papers into easier-to-grade stacks.

He grumbles to himself. "Damn it, Izu, still overworking yourself." Izuku walks over, nervously pulling over a chair for Katsuki. "Kacchan, it's.. Been a while. You should have told me you were going to visit me." Katsuki's frustration fizzes out, and he takes the chair offered to him. Pushing it back to it's desk. "Um, I'm actually here for Riku, he's uh, not in his usual class and I-" Izuku stops listening the moment Katsuki names another man.

He's joking, he has to be. Right? He's just playing a cruel joke. This feels like a kick to the gut, all Izuku wants to do is scream and- He snaps out of it. Why is he so worked up over Katsuki seeing someone else? He's probably doing some hero work. That's all. He smiles and nods along. Glad that Katsuki is following his dreams. "Are you two going on a hero mission?" Izuku questions, and Kastuki is about to answer until hands wrap around his waist. Both Izuku and Katsuki are caught off guard. The pair of hands pull Katsuki's body against theirs and gently presses a kiss onto his cheek.

Immediately Katsuki shoves the guy back. "Hey!" Izuku quickly makes a fist moving to punch the guy square in the lips until he hears a chuckle. He looks back to Katsuki, who's smiling and laughing. He holds himself back. Kacchan doesn't know this guy! They've never met before! He's way out of this random's world. He's just an extra like Kacchan always says. Katsuki and the man notice the shock on Izuku's face and the man steps forward.

"Hey Midorya, I hope you don't mind me interrupting your conversation. Me and Katsuki are about to head out for lunch." Riku holds up a bento box, wrapped in a cute All Might-themed cloth. "Wanna join us?" No was the first thing that came to Izuku's mind but he relaxes himself. "Ah, sorry I can't. I.. got papers to grade. You know um." Riku nods and wishes Izuku well. Katsuki waits at the door and takes the Riku's hand. The door shuts and Izuku feels a pang in his chest. Is he sick? He sits down at his desk.

Then grabs his notebook from his bag, scribbling away. He quickly takes out his laptop and types as fast as he can. He looks up everything he can about Riku. Why is he eating with Kacchan? How does he know him? When did they meet? Who let them speak alone? Suddenly Izuki stands. Dashing over to the window. He looks outside, scanning for any sign if Katsuki.

Then he sees it, he feels nauseous and sits down. Why does he keep feeling ill? Maybe he ate something he wasn't supposed to. Still, the image is stuck in his mind. That damn guy, he had a hand on Katsuki's upper thigh. How degenerate! In public?! Izuku takes a deep breath, muttering. "They're alone. They're eating together alone." He holds his head in his hands. Struggling to understand why he feels so ill suddenly.

Part two (Wip)

I SAW THIS ON TWITTER AND I KNEW I HAD TO DROP IT HERE!!

OG post and bonus post

[love-toxin]

cw: injuries, yandere tohma, gn! reader

"so...how long do I have to play along with this little game of yours?"

the question spills out of his mouth without warning, yet each word is methodical, careful, like he's practiced it a thousand times before. the teapot clutched in your hands nearly slips out and shatters over the table you've laid out for the two of you, but the warmth of the porcelain fortunately keeps you steady enough until you can set it down in the space between you two. Tohma was kind enough to bring you a gift after spending awhile away, tending to his duties--so it's only natural that you would take him out for some tea in exchange. it's courtesy. it's expected.

but his question certainly is not.

"I...I have no idea what you're talking about, Tohma."

"really?"

he's sat cross-legged for some time now, waiting as you ordered the tea and offering you some idle chit-chat befitting a pair that haven't seen the other in a while. Tohma has always been your friend even when you were young, but as is custom in a place like Inazuma, your relationship has evolved throughout the years. there are things you can't say anymore, things that would ruin your life if you were caught doing them...and now, you fear, the glint in Tohma's eyes may be an omen that he's about to commit one of those unholy acts.

"come on now, sweetheart, everybody can see the truth for what it is. there's no need to hide it any longer."

he's purposely tiptoeing around the question, waiting for the pieces to click in your mind. he need not say anything at all, however--the way he looks at you in this moment, and the purpose with which he stands from his place at the tea table is enough to set your jaw tight and your eyes to darken.

"you know that I was always meant to be your husband. to be there for you through thick and thin, to care for you when we're both old and gray-"

he takes a few quick steps around it to get to you, to kneel at your side and reach out his hands to pull yours into them, and it's all you can do not to flinch away and risk the image of impropriety. but you've endured this lecture before, and the only thing screaming inside your head is for you to resist--just resist, don't listen to a word he says, and bite your tongue of any insult until he finally gives up and gets the hint.

"Tohma, stop."

"-to treasure you like no one else will. I understand your point of view, I really do--we're still young, and the world outside of Inazuma seems so big and grand...but you have to realize that the time to settle down is coming for us."

he rubs his thumb over your hand and smiles in your direction, but you can't meet his eyes. and then it's slipping out of your grasp and raising up to your face, and you feel yourself stiffen all over as Tohma gently cups your cheek, his gaze lowering towards your mouth as if he has an idea of what he wants to do. but that would be grounds for you to shriek for a guard, and you're entirely certain that that's the only reason he bites his lip to stave off the desire.

"you were always meant to be mine. you believe in fate, and you've always put your trust in me...so why not let me help you?"

that last part comes as a whisper, the tearoom private but the walls still thin. one of the many secrets you've entrusted to Tohma over the years is your disagreement with Inazuma's strict laws, as well as the etiquette that comes with being a member of the higher class. you've always despised being noble, and Tohma has always understood you, at least you thought so....but ever since he's gotten this ludicrous idea in his head, you've known even less peace than usual.

"I've said it a dozen times, Tohma, and I won't say it again. I'm not marrying you."

you do your best to spit the words out with as much venom as you can muster, yet you still feel the twinge of anxiety at snapping at him so informally. it could spell the end for you quite easily, but when your eyes are drawn back to Tohma's expression, all you can see is bliss written all over his face.

"...even laced with contempt, my name sounds so sweet on your lips. you've so much wit, so much grace, and your beauty leaves me breathless...I know how little you think of me, but-"

fury shoots through every vein of your body, and you know it's the wrong move when you slap his hand away from your face, the smack like a thunderclap in the small space of the little tearoom.

"enough, Tohma! enough. do yourself a favour and stop speaking to me--in fact, I dearly hope you never say a word to me again."

each finger on his hand twitches, only to close in a tight fist and sink back down to his lap. you try to avoid his gaze in this moment, but even turning your head away you can still feel his eyes staring right into your soul.

"you know I can't make that promise. you know that I love you."

that word makes you stiffen, your grip lock on your noble dressings, your blood turn to ice in your veins. you've avoided that for so long but it follows you like a demon, and it's eyes glow a verdant green as Tohma's words melt into your skin and eat you alive from the inside out.

"this feeling of yours....it's not mutual, Tohma. just leave it, and leave me."

you say so, but you're the one that stands from the tea table in the end, and Tohma jumps to get to his feet to follow you. he trails on your heels as you step with purpose towards the door and slide it open, the cool chill of Inazuma city in the night prickling your exposed skin. the blond hurries to get in front of you, and the moment you spot a few other citizens on the path this late at night, you tilt your head down and pray to the gods that Tohma won't force you into impropriety.

"...I see. you won't budge on this, then...I will have to accept that. but may I at least escort you home? I can't in good faith allow you to wander alone in the dark. I still care for you."

he looks down on you with a softness to his features, and you hate how easily you buckle under any sort of pressure from him. you prided yourself on not giving in before, but when you're not alone it's not nearly as easy--you have to piece your words so carefully together, and by the time you think of an excuse it will already be too late for you to reject his offer. so with as subtle of a huff as you can manage, you speak softly under your breath that you suppose that's fine, and grit your teeth as you thank him for the offer. and Tohma is all too relieved to stand beside you as you walk down the hill and leave the prying ears of the city, the silence near unbearable between you as you meander through the path cut down the middle of the farmer's fields.

"seems there's no one around. not a surprise for this time of the night."

it's not a terribly long walk back to your family's estate, but Tohma still evidently feels the need to speak up as you reach the end of the gently sloping hill. Konda village lies within sight in the distance, and you feel the tension weigh heavy on your heart as you count the steps closer and closer to safety. relative safety that is.

you're so focused on paying him as little attention as possible that you don't even take notice to his hand drawing closer to yours and his eyes wandering up and down your figure, practically salivating as the flames in his chest burn hotter and hotter, until the moment he can't take any more and he grabs you by the shoulders to stop you and force you to look him straight in the eyes.

"now, you're going to listen very closely. I'm going to give you a little gift, because I love you so very much. you get a minute's head start."

the shock catches you off guard to the point that you bite your own tongue, fear and panic shooting through you like icicles that make you freeze in place. Tohma's expression is so intense he nearly appears feral, pearly teeth glimmering in the light from the moon as he grins down at you like a predator examining their prey.

"here's the deal, sweetheart--if you can run all the way past Konda village, you win. but if I catch you, I win, and you must uphold your promise and marry me in a month's time. and if you win, you'll get your wish--I'll never speak a word to you again."

terror grips you even harder than Tohma is, and at his proposal you whip your head towards the village in the distance and then back to him. if he's seriously not making some kind of sick joke, then there's absolutely no way you would ever make it. you're not a fighter, you don't even know how to hold a sword much less have a vision, and you've seen the kinds of things Tohma is capable of....he'll catch you before you make it anywhere close.

"Tohma-"

his gaze lingers on you for a moment, before he turns you in the direction of the village and pushes you forward, only hard enough for you to stumble a bit. you want to question him, to try and talk him down from such an insane idea, but once you hear him start counting down aloud your feet move on their own and you take off in a pitiful run down towards your target. the night air whips by your face as you try to sprint as best you can, yet your robes that give away your nobility get caught on your sandals and trip you up enough that it makes your heart jump into your throat. your heart pounds in a cage that feels too tight, the air heavy and raw in your lungs the longer you fumble your way forwards in the night. even your tears feel cold as they stream down your face, and if speaking wouldn't expend your precious energy then you would surely be wailing for Tohma to stop, please, he's scaring you. especially once you hear his footsteps take off, and it feels as though his warm breath is right on the back of your neck.

but even so, you look up within moments to find yourself in the middle of the quiet little village, the lanterns dim and only the glow of the moon casting light on the humble little buildings. the panic ceases but resurges just as quickly when you remember that you're not safe yet, that the entrance to the village is still a few hundred metres away--and you can hear Tohma panting now, at a distance close enough that he'll make a grab for you long before you'll ever get there. but there's something you know that he probably doesn't remember, and it might just be your saving grace as you duck into the shadows and skirt around the mayor's house just as he skids into the path of the village. you fear in the pit of your stomach that getting the top off the well that you used to play near as children would make a great deal of noise, but you hurry forward and find it open--and just as you swing a leg over to climb inside and pray that Tohma doesn't think to look for you here, your foot slips on the stone that's still damp from the rain and your world is overturned as you fall through the air. it's not far enough that you can scream or grab for purchase on something, but when you land you hear the sickening crack of something breaking and pain that shoots through your leg so quick that it almost makes you black out.

but something worse is yet to come, and it's Tohma's voice calling out your name, before you look up to the sky and your heart just sinks as you watch his face pop into view over the side of the well.

"oh, archons--baby, are you all right?! did you hurt yourself?"

he hops over the edge quite easily and falls steady on his feat, not even having broken a sweat from chasing you as he hurries to your side and props you up in the crook of his arm. and despite still feeling that twinge of discomfort and panic from him touching you, the agony sets in so deeply that you cling to him without realizing as tears pour down your face and you struggle to breathe.

"let me see...yeah, that's definitely broken. c'mere, I'll help you up.."

just brushing the pads of his fingers over the rapidly-swelling skin of your calf makes you flinch and cry out with pain, and it's obvious by the deep bruising how bad you've hurt it--you wouldn't be able to climb out of here if you tried. but Tohma finds so little trouble in heaving you up into his arms that it's laughable....it would be funny how sincerely you thought you could get away in the first place, if you weren't experiencing the consequences now. and only now is it starting to sink in that you lost, even though he isn't rubbing it in your face. yet.

"poor thing--that was scary, wasn't it? aren't you glad I was here?"

despite how despairing you look, he rubs his cheek against yours as he holds you tight. you realize now how much he's always wanted to do this, and how he's dragging this all out while he has the chance to do it without anyone watching....it's such a rare opportunity, but you don't feel nearly as lucky as he does.

"I'll always be here, sweetie....in sickness and in health, right?"

he murmurs into the shell of your ear, before pressing a kiss to it right afterwards as he reaches out to get a foothold so he can lift you out of here. all you can think about now is how your chance of escaping him has slipped away....and now, your status is a death sentence in the hands of the man who saved your life, and will ask for nothing in return but your gentle hand in marriage. how romantic.

[bakubub]

In which Racer!Kuroo is your roommate and you finally learn more about him...

Warnings: Mentions of loss of loved one, disregard for own life, swearing, innuendos and implied nsfw (but sfw overall), fem!reader with she/her pronouns.

A/N: Idek what this is. Its literally a 4.6 k mixture of fluff, angst and comfort... I rewrote this like 4 times :,) being a perfectionist is so,,, tiring.

This takes part shortly after this, you can definitely read this without reading the 'part 1' if you will, since they don't depend on one another.

Art belongs to @aikk00 ,, and yes I am still in love with it :D

I stumble out of the lecture hall, my eyes so heavy I bump into about 3 other students and mumble my apologies until I fully wake up and snap out of my daze.

Walking down the stairs and making my way to the bus stop, I watch in horror as the bus I was supposed to be in drives off, going fast for once in its damn life as if mocking me.

Inhaling sharply through my nose, I manage to keep my composure and sit down at the bus stop, telling myself the next bus will be here in a bit.

It's fine. It's fine. I slept through the lecture, and I still have to catch up on 4 subjects and make dinner, but at least the house is clean and I'm caught up in that one subject I picked up for this exact reason.

It's fine. It's going to be just fi-

The rumble of a loud engine breaks my shitty but somewhat effective self-reassurance motto and I open my eyes to see a black and red sports car going 60 km/h in a 30 zone, effectively getting mine and everyone else's attention.

I watched in horror for the second time today as this time it stopped right in front of the bus stop. No, no, no, no.

No.

Please no.

He rolls down the passenger window with that ridiculous hair and a shit-eating grin, as he nods towards the seat, revving his engine.

I look away, pretending he's not looking directly at me and that I don't live with the guy, which I immediately regretted when he beeped the fucking horn.

What did I do to deserve this humiliation?

I hastily put my head down as he beeped it again, giving up and rushing towards his insufferable car, getting into the passenger seat and slumping in my seat to keep my head down low.

"What is wrong with you? What are you even doing here?" I hiss, my glaring up at him from my awkward, folded position.

He laughs, and when I hear the sound of a photo being taken in the split second I looked away to readjust my bag, I sit up straight, watching him continue speeding as he stuffs his phone into his pocket.

"Are. You. Trying. To. Kill. Me?!" I ask, my voice little less than a screech as I slap his arm with each word.

"Ow, ow, I just came to pick my roomie up! I sensed you needed a ride, and this is the thanks I get?" he asks, that smirk I have come to hate returning to grace his features.

I glare at him, but a small, sleep-deprived part of my brain is distracted by his appearance. A tight black tee adorning his built figure, his biceps are on display as he drives with one hand, the other resting on the gear shift. The air from his rolled down window is ruffling his hair this way and that, and I find myself wanting to run my hands through the raven strands, just as I had when I washed his hair that one time...

"Wait- how the fuck did you know I didn't have a ride?" I ask incredulously, my reaction time clearly delayed but here nonetheless.

I narrow my eyes as he hesitates before he answers, "I just knew, ok? It's not like it’s astrodynamics, not that I can't figure that out too."

"Kuroo, what the hell is astrodynamics? Are you like, spying on me or something?" I ask, pretending to look out the window so as to not get distracted by his appearance once more.

"What do you common folk call it? Rocket science?" He says, once again exceeding the speed limit.

"If I'm a commoner, does that make you a peasant? Also, stop going so fast, I feel sick and I do not feel like dying today."

He rolls his eyes in response as he slows down by a smidgen, the speed meter barely even moving. "Seriously, you may have no consideration for yourself, but I still have a lot of things to achieve with my damn life so slow the fuck down." My words finally reach the rational part in him and he slows down considerably, now going within the speed limit.

Taking a deep breath, I rest my elbow on my door and look out the window, my mind flooding with thoughts about Kuroo's reckless driving and how it can all go sour with one delayed reaction.

Before I know it, we're rolling up to our apartment building, driving into his private garage only the penthouse owners get to use.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, filling the silence in the car.

"It's ok. I just... I want you to be safe. I know its hard, but... just try," I say quietly, unable to look at him.

"That's what he said," he says hastily before rushing out of the car before I can hit him.

Getting out of the vehicle myself, I send a murderous look his way and run after his retreating form.

A small part of me is grateful that he's acting like his usual unbearable self again, but the rest of me is just mad at his relentless sex jokes.

He hits the elevator button before I can get there and I watch the doors close, his smirk practically shining through the crack of the closing doors. I jam my foot in the middle at the last possible second, and smile victoriously as I get into the metal box and slap his arm once again.

"Ooh, do it harder," he practically moans, and my eyes just about pop out of their sockets in embarrassment as my face flushes a deep red.

"Oh shut up," I mutter, turning around and waiting patiently for the doors to open on the top floor. I hear him snicker and then the sound of a photo being taken, turning around sharply. I yell in defiance and throw my bag on the floor as I jump onto him in an attempt to grab his phone out of his hand and delete the probably unflattering photo.

I straddle his back and reach for the phone he easily holds out of my reach. Leaning across his shoulder in a feeble attempt to reach it, my feet are hooked around his chest and my other hand is using his shoulder as a brace. He's laughing hard at this point, and I'm screaming at him to give me the damn phone. Neither of us notice the elevator doors opening nor the small woman standing at the threshold staring at us in shock and amusement.

"Kuroo Tetsuro! You let that poor girl down this instant, young man!"

We both froze at the authoritative voice, slowly turning to look at a small dark haired woman with a straight shoulder length cut and narrow gold eyes that were glaring at the man under me.

"MUM!" He exclaims, setting me down and running to hug and kiss the woman, his mum apparently. "What are you doing here?" I hear him ask as I straighten myself out, fixing my jumper and tucking my hair behind my ears, picking up my bag off the floor and quickly following them out of the elevator.

"What, a mother needs an excuse to come visit her boys? Where's Kenma?" She asks, looking in the elevator again as if to check if she missed him.

"Oh, he's at his own place. Apparently he has a booked in session with this famous gamer today. Did he say he'd be here?" Kuroo asks, letting go of the woman and leaning on the wall.

"No, I didn't tell anyone I was coming to visit. Never mind that, who's this pretty young lady here, hmm?" She asks, raising a perfectly shaped brow as she walks towards me, the click of her heels echoing in the lobby of the penthouse.

I smiled down at her, since she was considerably shorter than even me, and introduced myself. "It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Kuroo." I say, bowing.

"Oh no, no, none of that. You can call me mum too, hmm?" She says, gesturing me up from my bow and pulling me down for a tight hug.

"Oh, um, actually, me and Kuroo aren't-"

"We’ll talk more comfortably inside, no? Tetsuro, is your plan to let me stand here all day?” She asks, letting me go and turning around to look at Kuroo.

Kuroo leaps into action, taking his mum's bag and unlocking the door, helping her out of her heels and leading her into the spotless penthouse.

It was all I could do to nod in response, closing the door behind us and walking down into the kitchen to prepare a meal.

It’s crazy how much I don’t know about this guy. He’d never mentioned his mother before, and briefly mentioned that he has a sister, whether older or younger I have no idea. Kenma, however, I know well. The guy was here all the time when I first started living here, but recently I've seen him less and less. Which is a shame, considering we actually got along quite well, with sharing eye rolls and bonding over our mutual love of Minecraft.

I don't notice silent footsteps following me until Kuroo's Mother says "now, why's a beautiful girl like yourself slaving away in the kitchen? Does that boy make u do all the cooking and cleaning like some mid-century housewife?"

I poke my head out of the fridge, smiling at her fair assumptions, "no, no, it's not like that at all. I actually-"

"Uh, mum! You know I'm incompetent with this stuff. This place would be a mess if she wasn't here to run things! Plus, she loves to cook and finds cleaning therapeutic. Hey, her words not mine," Kuroo quickly jumps in, putting his hands up defensively when she looks at him with a raised brow.

Looks like he doesn't want his mother to know of our little arrangement.

"Right. He's just so hopeless, I can't trust him to do anything," I add on, sending her a smile as I prepare the fish he likes.

"You're making grilled mackerel for dinner?! Oh that's gonna hit the fu- the fun spot," he says, saving himself at the last second.

I hold back a snort as I take out a pan, "open the window, fish boy. It's about to stink here and I can't be bothered with Mrs. Suzuki coming all the way upstairs just to complain about the fish smell, and then complaining that she had to come up here in the first place. God, I hope she isn't sitting on the balcony today," I ramble, trying to see her balcony from outside the window, but fail because of the private location.

Damn these amazing architects.

I hear his mum chuckle at my rambling as she begins to take out ingredients for a salad. "Oh, you don't have to help, please sit and make yourself comfortable," I say, moving towards her to take the lettuce out of her hands.

"No, no, I'd like to pitch in. Now what kind of mother-in-law would I be to let you do everything yourself?" She asks, holding the lettuce away from me and walking over to the sink.

I stare at the back of her head, a flush creeping up my neck, "m-mother-in-law?!" I ask incredulously, glancing over at Kuroo who looked suspiciously... Smug. I look away quickly when he meets my eyes, and I hastily hyper-focus on the fish in front of me, placing it on the heated pan, causing sizzling and popping to fill the awkward silence.

"I'm sorry darling, I don't mean to be overbearing. Tetsuro introduced you as his girlfriend, so I thought things were getting serious since he actually allowed us to meet one another. You see, he’s never introduced me to a girl before, so you can imagine my excitement. I can stop if you're uncomfortable-"

I cut her off, feeling even more embarrassed as I realise the role I am to play in Kuroo's life when his mother is around. I mean, it makes sense, he can't exactly just admit he took a random girl into his house.

"I, um, no really it's fine, I understand" I say, my voice small as I flip the fish.

She lets out a delighted laugh and pulls me down into a hug once more. The smile on my face is genuine as my embarrassment melts away, the bright smile of this woman comforting me.

"So, how did you guys meet?" She asks, chopping up the ingredients for her salad on the bench while I'm at the stove, Kuroo leaning on his elbows on the bench.

"At uni," I answer at the same time as Kuroo states, "at a party."

We both look at each other with wide eyes, and I clear my throat to clarify, "at a uni party. A classmate of ours hosted one and we met each other there."

"I see, so the old boozed up one night stand turned into quite a domestic relationship hmm?" she suggests, wiggling her eyebrows at Kuroo.

"What? No, no, I would never! A one night stand? Booze? Please, what kind of man do you take me for?" Kuroo complains, looking offended.

I turn around towards the stove and roll my eyes. I've heard the rumours around campus, practically every girl in my lecture hall can testify to at least making out with the man. He really puts up a façade for his mum.

I hear the doorbell ring, and quickly take the fish off the stove to go answer it as Kuroo bickers with his mother about how innocent he really is.

"Hello? Who is it?" I ask, pressing the buzzer.

"Uh, hello? Is this Tetsu's place?" A deep voice answers. I look at the camera, seeing Kenma and a bunch of men about Kuroo's age looking confused. The one who answered is a guy with a blond mohawk and piercings adorning both ears.

"Yes, just give me a second," I reply. "Kuroo, I think Kenma and the rest of your friends are here? Should I let 'em up?" I shout out.

"Yeah let 'em in," he calls back. I press another button, letting them into the lobby.

I need to make more food.

Quickly taking out my frozen dumplings I stocked up for emergency dinners for days I couldn't be bothered to make anything better, I whip up a quick sauce, thinking I could split the fish and put it in the middle of the table so everyone can take their share.

"I do apologise darling, I let my Kenma know that I came to visit and he must have told the boys. I think they've all come to see me," Kuroo's mum confesses.

"You must be a very loved woman if they came all this way to see you. And it's no worries really, I'm always prepared for guests," I say, putting her at ease.

She beams at me as the door is banged loudly.

Kuroo mutters something about “rude assholes'' as he goes to open the door, a group of tall men making their way through the threshold.

"Hiya cap'ain," the mohawk guy says, patting Kuroo on the back. A tall, light brown haired man was next to greet him, then proceeded to exclaim "MUMMA KOZUME!!" and practically jumped onto the poor woman.

Wait, did he just say Kozume? Isn't Kenma's surname Kozume?

"Hey mum," Kenma greets, kneeling down to hug Kuroo's mum.

Who's mum is this lady?! I swear to god I'm going to go crazy.

"Hello hello everyone," A massive grey haired guy says, kissing Kuroo's mum on the cheek and hugging Kuroo.

The last guy to greet them is a tan guy with a buzz cut, and he does the same as his friend before.

"So Kuroo, when di'ja get yourself a girl, huh?" The grey haired guy asks, looking offended that he didn't know before now.

I raise my eyebrows as Kuroo just smiles guiltily. He introduces me to his friends and I wave hello, as they all begin to introduce themselves.

The grey haired guy says his name is Lev and that he's half Russian. A weird detail to include but interesting I guess.

The light brown haired man introduces himself as Yaku, and says that he was Kuroo's senpai back in high school.

"Yeah a demon senpai," Kuroo mutters in reply. My smile quickly turns into a grimace as Yaku jumps on him and they both start brawling on the floor, making a loud ruckus. A loud thumping can be heard from downstairs as Mrs. Suzuki starts to lose her mind and continues to bang the handle of her broom to her ceiling.

"Ugh, you morons upset Mrs. Suzuki! She's going to talk my ear off next time I see her..." I complain, grabbing a cushion and throwing it at the boys.

They flinch at my anger and quickly get up, muttering a quick apology. My glare softens as mohawk introduces himself as Yamamoto, and the tan guy says his name is Kai whilst vigorously shaking my hand.

"It's very nice meeting all of you. Dinner will be ready in a bit so please just make yourselves comfortable," I announce, making my way back into the kitchen.

The boys, all sporting grins, make their way to the living room and sit on the couches, man-spreading and slouching all over the place, one person taking up the usual spot for two.

I sigh, focusing on the dumplings in front of me.

I stiffen as I feel large hands on my waist, and a presence behind me. Visibly relaxing once I realise it's Kuroo, I turn around, his hands still resting on my hips, and his face nestled in the crook of my neck.

"Please just go along with it. We have to act like a couple if they're going to believe us," he mutters, his hot breath causing shivers to run up my spine.

I simply nod, instinctively placing my arms around his neck and running my fingers through his hair, something I've wanted to do since that day.

He groans into my neck, and I find myself holding my breath as I continue my hand movements.

"OI LOVEBIRDS! MUM SAYS THE DUMPLINGS ARE GONNA FUCKIN' STICK! Ow! Oh, sorry," I snatched my hands back from Kuroo, pushing his chest, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

What the fuck am I doing?!

I turn around back to the stove, mixing the dumplings in the boiling water as my thoughts race.

That felt too real, too much like a real relationship.

And way too addicting, apparently, since I already miss his close proximity.

The warmth on my waist disappears as I hear Kuroo running back into the living room.

"SHUT UP YOU MORON, THE DUMPLINGS ARE FINE!" I hear him scream, and then a loud thud as he presumably tackles whoever yelled at us to the ground.

I sigh as I hear Mrs. Suzuki's muffled thuds from downstairs in record time.

"You know I'm going to have to make Mrs. Suzuki some kind of apology cake because you boys can't sit down and act like adults," I complained, my arms crossed and an unimpressed expression on my face.

Lev and Yamamoto are on the floor playing some kind of Connect 4 game I've never seen before, while Kai looks to be having a deep conversation with Kuroo's mum, who is perched on the single arm chair like the queen she is.

Kenma is hogging the tv playing some kind of video game on Kuroo's ps5 (which I've hogged on more than one occasion), and Kuroo on the other hand has Yaku in a headlock.

He immediately lets go and apologises, and so does Yaku, who even bows in his regret.

I roll my eyes and shake my head at his mum, who just laughs, and I make my way back into the kitchen, setting food on the table and calling them in to eat.

After dinner, I find myself showered in compliments and not a bite of dinner leftover for tomorrow's lunch. Damn I'm good.

I served up cake I had already prepared from earlier along with fruits I washed and set on plates, and watched as that was eaten and finished before I even sat down. Kuroo's mum scolded the boys for poor manners, and they all apologised. Well, all except Kuroo, who just wiggled his pierced brows and winked at me.

I sit down on the floor next to the couch, since it was all occupied, and hear a dissatisfied sound coming from Kuroo's mum.

"Now, now, sweetheart. You don't have to be shy around me, just go on and take your usual seat next to Tetsuro," she says, nudging her head in Kuroo's direction, where the only vacant spot was literally his lap.

I look at her with wide eyes, even Kuroo seems taken aback by her suggestion, and all the boys are immaturely ‘oohing’ loudly as they laugh and make fun of us.

Kuroo makes a gesture for me to come next to him, so I hold back my heavy sigh, try my best to hide the flush on my face, and walk towards him, awkwardly perching on his knee.

He chuckles as he grabs my waist and pulls me flush towards his chest, my butt in the corner of the couch and my legs resting diagonally over his, so that my head is directly in the crook of his neck.

I hate to say it, but this is actually really damn comfortable.

Conversation has started up again, but it becomes secondary to the beat of his heart right under my ear, and my eyes start to get heavy as his scent and warmth lull me to a comfort that is beyond being awake and alert.

---

Kuroo's POV

"What a cute girl she is, Tetsu. I'm so glad you've found her. And now that you've got her, you better. Not. Let. Go." She says, slapping me on the arm with each word of her last sentence.

What is it with women and slapping me?

"Ok, ok, I know mum, I won't stuff this up. I promise," I respond, smiling at her.

"Ok, well, I'm staying over at Kenma's house. Ah, no objections. You've already got your hands full, and I don't want to be in the way of young love. Plus, I'd rather listen to Kenma's midnight streams than you two in the middle of the night," she says, not accepting my objections and giving me a knowing look. My face warms to what she's insinuating, and I mutter a quick, "it's not like that," as I duck my head into Y/n's shoulder.

By this time the boys have all left, Kenma's downstairs waiting in his car for his mum to come, but she insisted on staying back for a few minutes to talk to me.

Y/n fell asleep a while ago now, still nestled on my lap, her head on my shoulder and her figure keeping me warm.

"I know exactly how it is, my darling. I've seen how you two act, pretending to be in a relationship just so we don't ask any uncomfortable questions. I won't meddle in your life, I never did, Tetsuro. But I will give you advice I expect you to consider. Don't let her go. Neither of you were pretending about your feelings towards each other, let me tell you that much." She says, knowingly looking at me.

I look up in alarm, which quickly morphs into a nervous laugh. She's good, I'll give her that much.

But, can Y/n really mirror my feelings?

"Ok darling, better not leave Kenma waiting any longer. I'll visit again tomorrow, or you can come over to Kenma's, whichever you prefer as long as she comes along too. I want to get to know my future daughter-in-law better!!"

With that, the woman who took me in and treated me like her own left my home.

I look down at my roommate, taking in the way her lashes are long enough to brush against her face, the way her brows are just a tad bit asymmetrical, the stroke of her nose and the bend of her cupid's bow.

I can't help but bring my hand up to caress the side of her face, content to stay here forever.

Mum would've loved her.

This thought broke the dam that held back my tears since middle school, and as they fell down my face I couldn't help but think of my own mother, coming in and hugging her, making her famous pie that I can't remember the taste of anymore. A sob racks my figure and I all of a sudden find a pair of e/c eyes staring up at me, my tears having dampened some parts of her face.

Wordlessly, she straightens herself and wraps her arms around my neck, running her fingers through the back of my head, stroking down towards my nape and up again. I cry into her shoulder, tears that I've bottled up, emotions I've ignored because I've had my dad, my grandparents and the Kozume's. Later, I even had the team, and they all followed me to the racing gig, a place where I can express my emotions through the reckless driving that could claim my life any second. I should have been grateful. Instead, the pain of her absence never ceased.

I clutch the back of her sweatshirt as I cry and cry and cry, eventually tiring myself out and running out of tears.

With dry sobs still racking my body every few minutes, she finally leans back, cupping my face in her gentle hands.

"What's the matter, Kuroo?" She whispers, looking up at me with tears shining in her own eyes. "You can tell me anything, or you can say nothing at all. Either way, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you," she says, touching her forehead to mine and closing her eyes. She stays here for a moment before moving to get up and drag me up too.

"Come on, let's get you into your pjs and into bed. It's getting late."

---

Your POV

Now in his usual shorts and singlet, I drag him to his massive bed, opening the neatly made bed and gently sit him down.

His hazel eyes follow me as I go to close the curtains, his lashes still wet from the countless tears he shed, his body still hiccupping with dry sobs.

Once I've put his blankets around him, I go to leave, muttering a goodnight as I leave.

"Y/n," I hear before I close the door. I peek my head in, "please stay."

Without a pause to think about his request, and already in my own pyjamas, I go next to him and crawl into his open arm as if I've been doing it every night, snuggling into his shoulder once more and wrapping my arm around his chest.

After a few moments of silence, he begins to speak in a raspy tone, "she's not my real mum. She's Kenma's mum, and I've... I've called her mum since I was around 7," he takes a deep breath before continuing. "I moved in with my dad and grandparents next door to the Kozumes when I was 6. I was nervous and shy back then. You wouldn't even recognise me because of the 180 turn my personality's taken. Kenma was even more social than I was. He was my first friend, and when I got him into volleyball and we met Coach Nekomata. That man inspired me to be the man I am today, and was the main reason why I joined the volleyball team in high school, and made friends with the guys. He did what my mum should've, supported me and gave me the confidence to live my life," he says, his voice cracking with the last word. I hug him tighter, knowing not to say anything as of yet.

"I just wish... I wish she didn't go. I wish she could've met you, Y/n. She would've loved you even more than Kenma's mum does," he confesses with a chuckle, sniffling and turning towards me to look me in the eyes.

"She would've seen the way I was around you. The different man I become. You make me a better person, Y/n. I find myself wanting to be better for you. I could never thank you enough for that. Please, never leave. Just stay with me, and I'll always be here for you," he says, repeating the same words I said to him earlier.

I can't help the smile from taking over my features and I lean in to kiss his nose, his eyes, his cheeks and finally I press my lips against his, something I have been wanting to do for a very long time.

"I will, Kuroo Tetsuro. I'll always stay with you."

A/n: So, I don't actually know if his mum passed away or if she left them, so I kind of just,, did both ?

Taglist: @3daa & @itsgiorgiaz

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

[the-cult-of-russo]

Push and Pull (Part 9)

Pairing: Matt Murdock x OC

Warnings: cursing, mentions of injury etc.

--------

What she thought would be a small nap turned into sleeping until the next morning. When Daphne woke up, she didn't move as her eyes fluttered open. Every inch of her hurt like a bitch and her shock had turned to anger. She could hear a whispering coming from behind her in the kitchen area and she stayed completely still as she listened.

"Jesus christ, Matt. When you told me what happened I didn't expect for her to look like she was mauled by a goddamn bear!" Foggy hissed frantically, trying to keep his voice low. 

"I told you she was attacked," Matt started, his voice quieter and calmer than his friends.

"I know you did, but have you seen her? What did that asshole do to her?" Foggy honestly sounded like he was about to have an aneurism. She heard a sigh that came from Matt.

"Look, Foggy-" he tried, only to be interrupted again.

"Don't 'look Foggy' me. This shit is insane! And you said Brett hasn't even found the dude yet!" Foggy hissed again. Her heart dropped at that news. He must have left before the cops got there.

"I know but there isn't much we can do-" he was once again cut off by a panicked Foggy.

"There's a knife-wielding dad killer out there, Matt! He's insane. This whole thing is just… she could have died!" If she was honest, it touched her a little by how upset Foggy was by all of this. He seemed to be taking this friend thing seriously. 

"I'm well aware," Matt stated plainly. He sounded like he was starting to get irritated.

"Oh, you're well aware. How great. Are you even concerned at all? I'm over here having a damn panic attack and you're just chill! Were you not even worried when she turned up here half dead?!" Foggy glowered accusingly. 

"Of course I was worried, Foggy! I didn't even know how bad it was or if I'd be able to help her! I didn't sleep at all last night just to make sure she was breathing!" She didn't know how to feel about him watching over her like that. She hadn't expected that kindness. She hadn't even done that for him when he got shot.

"Quit your goddamn lecture because now isn't the time to talk about this!" Matt hissed harshly. 

"Why the hell not?!" Foggy demanded.

"Because she's awake," Matt answered tensely. 

Busted. She didn't know what tipped him off. She wondered if it was how her breathing changed when she woke and throughout their whispered argument or her heartbeat. Either way was creepy. She opted not to say anything and she honestly didn't think she could sit up unassisted with the pain she was in. She heard footsteps coming to the living area and Foggy plonked down in the chair. She was expecting a fake smile on his face with a cheerful greeting but she was met by a worried glance and silence. She didn't like it. 

"Here. Coffee, toast and some pain meds," Matt murmured softly as he set the things on the coffee table. Then without her even having to ask, he helped her to sit. She groaned, gripping her wound on her lower abdomen as the stitches jolted.

"Motherfucker," she moaned with a frown. She didn't think she'd ever been this banged up before.

"Sorry. Try not to move too much. It'll be easier once you've had the pills," Matt said carefully. She nodded, grabbing the pills and washing them down with the coffee that was still kind of hot. She didn't know how Matt knew she liked cream and sugar but she couldn't care less right then.

"Brett didn't find him?" She bit out. It only caused her anger to swell. This asshole murdered his own father, a good man that didn't deserve this. She didn't even care about her attack in the grand scheme of things. She needed justice for Mr Lee. Matt sighed heavily, wiping a hand over his face. Foggy finally decided to speak.

"When they got to the scene, he was gone. But they're processing it which is good and they've got people looking for him. With your evidence and statement, once they catch him he's as good as locked up," Foggy stated sounding confident. More confident than the frantic whispering from the kitchen. She just nodded again. She really hoped they'd find the asshole.

"You need to eat. You lost a lot of blood and you need to heal," Matt uttered as he pushed the plate of toast towards her more. She felt sick and she really wasn't hungry. But she refused to lay about feeling sorry for herself. She wanted to heal ASAP so she reluctantly ate a few pieces of the toast. The silence as she ate was unbearable, like no one knew what to say as the heaviness weighed on them. Weirdly enough she found herself somewhat happy she wasn't on her own right then.

"I need to get to the station, drop my shit off and give my statement," she sighed once she was done, wiping the crumbs from her hands.

"Might wanna get changed first," Foggy teased weakly. She glanced down for the first time and blanched. Her shirt was ripped to shreds and was soaked in blood. She didn't know how she was even functioning with how much blood she must have lost. Her jeans were also blood stained although the brunt of it was taken by her shirt.

"You can have something of mine," Matt said softly as he stood. She watched him as he opened the door to his room. She'd be impressed by how easy he navigated his home but she'd seen him fight. The stick was just an act for everyone else's benefit. He might not see like everyone else but he saw things in his own way. 

He came back a moment later with some black sweat pants and a black t-shirt. They'd be big but she'd cope. She just wanted to see Brett. 

"Thanks," she shot him a weary smile that he returned as she took them. When she went to stand, she made a pained noise, squeezing her eyes shut. This would be hard. Foggy jumped up though, she wondered if he just felt like he needed to do something. To be helpful. 

"Come on, I'll walk you to the bathroom," he smiled. He helped her stand and she was unsteady to her feet. With his help she managed to make it to the bathroom. She closed the door once she got in and listened to Foggy retreat back to Matt in the living room. 

She gasped when she saw her reflection. She knew it would be bad but this wasn't what she expected. The left side of her face was a giant bruise, her cheekbone swollen. She had a split lip and hand prints around her throat. Her arms had numerous small slices and she knew her chest had a couple too as well as the deep gash on her stomach. She looked like she stepped right off the set of a horror movie. She wasn't surprised that Foggy freaked out when he saw her. At first she felt sad. Knowing she would scar, that Mr Lee's psycho spawn had marked her forever. A reminder of how she'd failed him because she was a self absorbed bitch. But then her anger flared. Matt’s words from the day before were on a loop in her brain like a mantra. Even if she had told Mr Lee, this would have happened. And she held the evidence to help put the prick away. Maybe the only reason she crossed paths with Mr Lee was so she could make sure he got justice. 

After gathering herself, she realised she had a problem. She could barely function, let alone undress and get changed. She loathed asking anyone for help but she wasn't stubborn enough to hurt herself more by trying. Heaving a sigh, she shuffled over and opened the door.

"Uh… I need some help," she murmured with a grimace. She felt so awkward. Foggy was a new friend that she was trying to adjust to and Matt was… well he was Matt. But she was grateful for everything he'd done for her. And now they were even and she could close that chapter and hoped neither of them would need the other’s help after this.

"What do you need?" Foggy asked as he came into view, Matt trailing behind him.

"I can't… I can't get undressed. Or dressed," she snorted ruefully, gesturing to the bundle of clothes in her arms. Foggy's eyes widened and he glanced from her to Matt.

"I-I can help… if you need me to-" he started looking uncomfortable but she shook her head to stop him.

"At the risk of sounding like a bitch, Matt’s blind so… I'd kinda feel better if he helped me," she said carefully. 

Matt swallowed thickly with a nod as Foggy looked relieved. 

"Great! I mean… okay. I'll just…" he scurried off back to the living area and she snorted softly at him. Matt stayed silent as he walked inside the bathroom, closing the door behind him for privacy. It still wasn't ideal. He couldn't see with his eyes but he wasn't a typical blind person. But it was better than nothing. 

"I'll try to be careful but this might hurt a little," he muttered apologetically. She nodded as he took the clothes from her and set them by the sink. 

He made good on his promise to be careful as he expertly manoeuvred her shirt over her head with minimal pain. She was starting to feel uncomfortable with the weird silence dangling over them as he worked on her jeans.

"What's the mirror for? I mean you can't see so…" it came out much worse than it sounded in her head and she mentally facepalmed. She didn't know why it was so hard to just be civil with him. It was much easier being a bitch. She was caught off guard when he let out a surprised laugh.

"That sounded better in my head. I promise I'm not actually trying to be a bitch," she huffed a laugh of her own. 

"It's fine. It's a valid question. Foggy made me get it, he's always trying to get me to put stuff in here for when he visits. He's been trying to get me to get a TV," he grinned up at her as he tugged her jeans down her legs.

"I think he just wants you to buy it so he doesn't have to," she mused playfully. 

"That's what I said," he chuckled. 

She was suddenly aware she was standing in her underwear and she was grateful he couldn't see her blush. When did she blush? She wasn't shy of the opposite sex. She rolled her eyes at herself as Matt helped her step into his sweatpants. She at least was capable of tightening the drawstrings so they didn't slip off. She winced a little as he manoeuvred the shirt over her head. It was a little big but it was way better than her now ruined one. Next he helped her with her boots.

"There you go," he gave her a hesitant smile and she swallowed thickly.

"Thanks… for this and… saving my life," she murmured sincerely. He nodded, pursing his lips a little.

"Like you said last night, now we're even," he smirked. 

"Yeah, except I didn't keep vigil when you slept," she pointed out. Maybe she was feeling more like herself today since she noticed he looked down, seemingly caught off guard. He probably hoped she hadn't heard that part.

"You were in pretty bad shape. I couldn't sleep and I figured I'd just make sure you were still breathing," he shrugged as he opened the door 

"Careful, Devilboy. It's starting to sound like you care. What do you think we are? Friends?" She asked with a sly smirk. He chuckled, wrapping an arm around her to help her walk into the living area.

"Something like that," he replied quietly.

"You look a lot better. More 'wearing my boyfriends clothes' than 'murder scene chic'," Foggy beamed at her. She snorted and rolled her eyes. She knew she still probably looked weird wearing Matt’s clothes and her boots but they were comfy honestly. Besides, nothing would stick out as much as her injuries. She watched as Foggy slung her backpack over his shoulder so she didn't have to carry it and she almost jumped when a hoodie was suddenly presented to her by Matt. He helped her into it but she left it unzipped. It was cozy and soft. 

She was anxious now to see Brett and she watched with little patience as the boys got ready to leave. She didn't remember when Matt changed from his own sweats to his lawyer suit. It was Sunday and this wasn't really work and she wondered if he always wore a suit when he wasn't at home or if we just worked all the time. Matt slipped his glasses on and grabbed his cane before walking over. He linked his arm with her and she wondered how funny it would look when they went outside. Both of them were patient as they went down the stairs with her and she was grateful as they took turns to help her. She hated feeling so dependent on anyone and she couldn't wait to hurry up and heal. 

"Thank Jesus," she breathed once they got outside. It felt like it took ten hours to get down the stairs. 

"I prefer to go by Foggy most days. But it's Sunday so I'll allow it," Foggy grinned teasingly. She let out an elegant snort.

"Blasphemous," Matt tutted with a wry smirk. She wasn't sure now what the plan was. She struggled to walk on her own completely but knew Matt usually held Foggy's arm. She just stood there waiting for a cue on what to do. She watched as Matt readied his cane and then he glanced at her, extending his arm for her to link her own. She smiled gratefully, linking her arm and using him as an anchor to steady herself. 

"Alright, off to the station we go. I should've brought snacks, this'll take a while," Foggy murmured thoughtfully. 

She wasn't sure how long it took them to walk to the station but it was longer than she'd like. But once again they were patient and Matt had been steady as he walked beside her, guiding her which she found ironic. Foggy held open the door for them as they got there. 

"Ladies first," he shot Matt a sly smirk and Matt scoffed as he shot his head. 

"I'm sorry, please tell us what your favourite show is again?" Matt retorted. Foggy squinted at him as they walked through the door.

"The real housewives of Beverly Hills is interesting and entertaining!" Foggy defended firmly. She had to purse her lips to stop herself from laughing. 

"Holy shit, D! What in the fresh hell?" the voice snapped her out of the surprisingly chill moment she was having with the wonder twins as Brett stormed over. He was looking at every inch of her with concern etched on his features and she gave him a careful smile.

"Asshole really did a number on me," she replied ruefully. She didn't want it made into a bigger deal than it was. The focus wasn't about her but Mr Lee instead.

"You're telling me," he muttered, raking his teeth over his lower lip.

"Any word?" Matt asked firmly. His no nonsense lawyer voice on. The heaving sigh that left Brett's lips told her no.

"No yet but we got eyes out looking for him. Don’t worry, we'll get him," he gave her a meaningful look and she nodded gratefully. 

"I've got all the pictures in my bag. You want me to give my statement now?" She asked softly. Foggy passed the backpack to Brett who called another cop over to take it. 

"Yeah. Get it done now and then you can rest while we find this asshole," he affirmed. She took a shaky step forward on her own and Matt hovered over her like he was ready to catch her. Brett moved over and linked his arm with hers.

"I got it from here. You boys can go on home, I'll drive her home when we're done," Brett said as he started walking with her.

"Thanks guys," she smiled over her shoulder. Foggy grinned at her and Matt just sent her a solemn nod. They'd actually had decent interactions for once. Maybe it was because she was injured. She wasn't on top form to be such a bitch and maybe he felt bad. She did appreciate him saving her ass even if it was to pay her back. 

[tarlosprompts]

What about Carlos hurt on a call and TK freaking out and more or less moving in after Carlos gets home from the hospital bc he doesn't want to leave him alone for a second. Sorta a makes him realize how deep his feelings are and how much he loves him and can't live without him kinda deal

Claimed by Red💋

Part 2 of another prompt! Here’s Part 1

Warnings: past violence, high anxiety, slight dissociation

Anxious Nights

TK didn’t want to leave Carlos when the ambulance rolled up to the hospital. Carlos hadn’t woken up on the ride to the hospital and that had TK on edge. Michelle had tried to explain to him that the shoulder wound would heal up fine, it didn’t seem like there was much damage...except for the fact that there was now a hole going from his boyfriend’s front to his back. What if Carlos didn’t regain full motion of his arm? 

Michelle had also tried to explain that Carlos probably wouldn’t wake up on the ride to the hospital because of how hard he hit his head. She tried to explain that head wounds bleed more and that it wasn’t that serious. She tried to explain that Carlos would probably only have a mild concussion, but TK couldn’t listen to her. All he could hear were the bad thoughts, the what ifs. What if Carlos hit his head hard enough to forget him? What if Carlos damaged his brain? What if Carlos didn’t wake up?

Watching Carlos get wheeled through the double doors where he couldn’t follow was almost as bad as watching Carlos go down on the scene. TK didn’t really know what to do with himself. He stood in the middle of the floor, staring at those doors. 

A small hand rested on his shoulder, “TK, you with me?” TK turned his head to Michelle, a frown on his face as it had been for the past thirty minutes. “We need to get you checked out, TK.”

“I’m staying here,” he muttered, staying in place.

“As soon as they know something, they know to find me. Carlos would want you to get yourself checked out.”

“I’m staying,” TK responded. 

Michelle rolled her eyes at the stubborn man. “Fine.” She turned to her radio, “bring me an ambo bag, I need to check TK out after his escapades today.” Turning back to TK, she led him over to a chair that faced the double doors. “I need you to take your turnout off.” 

TK followed her instructions and proceeded to sit down as Gillian placed a bag next to Michelle. “Go ahead and head back to the station. Do you mind having someone bring over mine and TK’s bags?”

“You got it, Boss.”

Michelle pulled out a light and flicked it in front of TK’s eyes. She did most of the exam nonverbally as TK’s anxiety showed itself through his extremities moving rapidly. “Does anything hurt? And I need you to be honest, TK.”

His gaze snapped to hers. “I have a mild headache and some sore muscles. Nothing that won’t fix itself.” 

Michelle studied him a moment more before nodding to herself. “If anything starts becoming unbearable, you need to let me know.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

_____________

Three Hours Later

TK’s leg hadn’t stopped bouncing since he’d sat down. He’d tried pacing the room, but his dad had put a quick stop to that when he arrived with his and Michelle’s bags. Now he was stuck between the paramedic and his father as he waited for any news on Carlos. 

TK ticked his fingers as he looked up at the clock on the wall. How long did it take to let people know their loved ones were alright? It shouldn’t take three hours for someone to assess Carlos and let his friends and family know. 

TK tensed as a doctor walked through the door. “Family of Carlos Reyes,” he called. 

TK was immediately on his feet. “Is he alright? Can we see him? How bad was it? Is-”

“TK,” his father placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Michelle Blake,” the doctor turned to the woman.

“That’s me. Anything you want to say, you can say in front of my friends.”

“Very well. Carlos sustained a through and through in the right shoulder. We cleansed the wound and exrayed it to make sure nothing was broken. We sewed it up and it should heal fully in four-six weeks. Mr. Reyes also sustained a head wound from his fall. That required four stitches but should heal just fine. We also assessed for a concussion. Because he lost consciousness we have diagnosed him with a Grade 3 concussion. He will need to be monitored closely so we have admitted Mr. Reyes for the next twenty-four hours. If all goes well, he should be able to return home within the next day or two as long as he has someone to watch over him. If there are no questions, I can lead you to his room.”

Seeing no questions, the doctor turned and walked them through the double doors. As they walked, TK could feel his anxiety climb. Concussions were nothing to joke about. Would this affect Carlos later on? As they approached the room, the doctor turned to him. “He was awake thirty minutes ago but he may not be now. He does need his rest, so please, do not wake him up. Visiting hours are technically over, but I can let a nurse know that one of you will be staying the night. The other two would need to leave in the next thirty minutes”

Michelle smiled at the doctor, “would you mind informing them that TK Strand will be staying with him tonight?”

The doctor gave her a kind smile and nod. “Will do. He is in room 740. To enter and exit the building use the main entrance, not the emergency doors.” With that, the doctor was off. 

TK, Owen, and Michelle walked the rest of the short way to Carlos’s room in silence. Michelle was the first to the room. She quietly opened the door and peeked her head in. She motioned for the Strands to be quiet as they entered. Once in the room, TK could see Carlos sleeping peacefully on the hospital bed. He immediately went to Carlos’s bedside, hands fluttering once again, not knowing what to do with them. He didn’t want to wake Carlos as he did need sleep to recover. 

TK heard a quiet shuffle behind him before he saw a chair appear behind him out of his periphery. TK sat down, hands finally settling on clasping Carlos’s left hand. TK couldn’t take his eyes off of Carlos’s face and chest. Carlos was alive. He was breathing. He was resting. 

“He’s going to be okay, Son.”

_____________

Two Days Later

“Tiger, you don’t need to stay with me. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you a doctor? Hell, are you a paramedic? No? Oh that’s right, your a stubborn ass cop. We were told you needed to be supervised at home for the next week and that is what we are doing...unless you want to go back to the hospital?” TK raised an eyebrow as he parked the car in front of Carlos’s house. Seeing his boyfriend’s grimace, he responded, “I thought not.”

TK helped Carlos out of the car and into the house. He moved to take Carlos to the bedroom, but Carlos stopped. “I’d like to sit in the living room and watch movies with my boyfriend while he pretends like he isn’t trying to coddle me.”

TK’s glare held no heat. “Fine. Sit,” he ordered. “Don’t even think of getting up. Let me go grab our bags.”

In no time, TK had their bags in the house and pillows and blankets brought out from Carlos’s room and piled around the man. “Do you need anything? Water? Pain meds? Food? Should I get more blankets or-”

“Tiger, Baby, calm down. I just want to cuddle with my amazing boyfriend. That’s all I need.” Carlos’s brown eyes pleaded for him to concede. 

TK nodded quickly. “Yeah, yes. Yes, I can do that. I can totally do that.” TK quickly turned around before heading to the couch, “let me just grab some water and snacks. That way we don’t have to move. Can’t let you get dehydrated. I’ll bring over you meds too so that they’re in reach. We can’t stay on the couch for the rest of the day, you’ll need your rest in an actual bed to get better, plus the couch isn’t that comfy. Should we just go to your room? I can pull up movies on your laptop. It would be more comfortable and better for your recovery and we could still cuddle. We should-”

“TK, Tyler...Tyler I need you to breathe. I’m alright. If it would make you feel better, we can go to my room,” Carlos hated that TK was becoming more anxious by the second. He didn’t know what he could do to ease that anxiety. 

“Okay, yeah, okay. Let’s do that. Let me-let me come help you up.”

Carlos didn’t fight TK’s need to help him get up even though Carlos was seventy-five percent sure he could get up by himself. He let TK mother hen him into the bed and fortify him with pillows. He didn’t even object to the snacks that TK brought in, though Carlos never was big on eating things in bed. As TK straightened up to go get something else, Carlos caught his hand. “Baby, this is everything we need. Please lay down with me.”

Carlos could see the energy buzzing beneath TK’s skin. The last time he’d seen this much energy tightly coiled in his boyfriend had been the night he’d first called TK over for dinner that turned into a disaster. He didn’t like this side of his boyfriend. 

_____________

TK tried not to fidget in the bed, but he felt like he needed to be up and moving and making sure that Carlos was alright and bringing him anything he needed. He needed to be busy. After his hand started tapping on his leg for the fifth time, Carlos reached down to lace his fingers with TK’s. “I’m alright, Amore. I just want to relax with my boyfriend. I am fine, I’m going to be fully healed in a matter of weeks. There’s no need for you to worry yourself sick.”

“I’m not-I’m not worrying myself. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

“Babe, you literally can’t sit still. I don’t want you to be anxious over this. I’m fine.”

“But you weren’t! What if he had shot you in the head? He aimed for you and I couldn’t do anything and then I couldn’t see you. When I did-” TK’s voice cracked, “when I did see you, you weren’t moving, Carlos. You were not fine!” 

“In my defense, I did hit my head and I was unconscious.” Carlos was trying to lighten the mood slightly, but the look TK gave him, sobered him. “I watched you fly five feet through the air when the propane tanks blew. You didn’t move for a couple of seconds. I was worried about you, but you’re alright. You’re sitting here, talking to me. And I’m sitting here talking to you. Tyler, it’s alright to worry about me, but you don’t need to be in fight or flight mode because I’m not in danger. I’m healing.”

TK was silent for a while and all Carlos could do was look at him. He couldn’t tell what the man was thinking. TK extracted himself from the hold Carlos had on him. “I’m going to make some sandwiches and change clothes to be more comfortable in bed. Do you want to change or are you alright?” 

“Tiger,” Carlos sighed.

“Right, I’ll bring back a sandwich for you.” TK darted out the door.

_____________

Six Days Later

“I’m not an invalid,” Carlos sighed.

TK rolled his eyes in return. “I never said you were.”

“Yeah, you just treat me like one. If the roles were reversed, you’d be verbally fighting me about it.” 

“I just want you to heal correctly. Is that too much to ask?”

“You are allowed to go home now. You don’t need to watch me anymore.”

TK turned his back to Carlos as he pulled his shirt off to change. “What, so you’re kicking me out? For caring?” When Carlos didn’t respond, TK turned with his new shirt in his hands to look at the man. Carlos’s eyes were wide. “What?”

Carlos stood up, walking towards TK. “Baby, your back,” Carlos whispered, turning him around to run his hands over the healing bruises. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt?”

“It didn’t really hurt. Must have been the blast’s force. I’m fine. I had more important things to think about.”

“Tyler, you should have at least told me.”

TK turned back to face Carlos, “so you could refuse my help? I don’t think so. It really didn’t hurt that much, ‘Los.”

Carlos shook his head. “We’re partners, Tyler Kennedy Strand. We tell each other when we’re hurt. That’s how this works. You need to think about yourself too, not just me and my injuries.”

TK broke eye contact. His breathing was beginning to become uneven. “You could have...If that gangster had better aim, he could have killed you, Carlos. And I don’t-I don’t know how to live without you anymore. You-you’re my rock and I don’t know if I could stay sane or-or sober if you were gone. I love you...God I love you so much. I didn’t even realize how much I loved you...I don’t want to live without you. I don’t like it when you’re hurt. I can’t focus on me when you’re in pain because I want to fix it. I love you so much that when you’re hurt, I’m hurt and-and not just this time because I was also hurt, but-but because I care so deeply for you that it scares me. I’ve been so anxious because I wanted-I wanted to make it so you weren’t hurt. I wanted to take your pain and your injuries because you don’t deserve them.”

There was a shine in Carlos’s eyes as TK stared at them. A small smile was on the man’s face. “I happen to love you just as much. I feel your pain because I care so much for you...but it’s not scary because I know that you feel the same way. With our jobs, we can’t promise not to get hurt, Tyler. But we can promise to try out best. I think-I think we need to work on your anxiety, though, because it isn’t healthy to spend seven or more days filled to the brim with anxiety. I love you, so much Cariño.”

TK licked his lips as he leaned closer to Carlos. “Does this mean I can stay?”

Carlos bit his lip as a smile began to form. “However long you want...you already have a key, Baby.”

[melodiouswhite]

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde rewritten - Ch. 32

32. Sympathy and tenderness

(A/N: Excessive mention of rape. Sorry.)

Hyde had no bloody clue, how he'd managed to drag himself all the way home, being in the agony he was. But somehow he had.

When he finally entered Jekyll's house, he slammed the back door shut after himself and fell to his knees from exhaustion and pain.

“Jekyll?”, he called out hoarsely, “Can you hear me?”

“I can hear you”, his creator’s voice answered.

His reflection in the mirror morphed into that of Jekyll, who stepped out of the mirror with a sombre expression.

Hyde smiled bitterly. “What's with that face, Doctor? You look as if you actually feel bad for me!”

“I do, Hyde”, the older whispered gently, “Believe it or not, I feel almost as horrible about it as you do.”

The brunette laughed: “It's kind of funny. I'm depraved to the core, but I've never felt so impure and defiled in my entire life.”

“Me neither”, Jekyll agreed sadly, “After all, we're in the same boat. I … I came out as a shadow, when I sensed that you weren't feeling well. I saw everything … oh, Edward, it was so awful!”

Hyde looked at him in surprise. “Why the hell are you crying?!”

“No, the real question is, why are you not?”

The smaller man ground his teeth. “Crying is for the weak.”

The blond shook his head. “Hyde, it's not like you to pretend. You don't have to be strong. Not now, not here, not in front of me. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to cry.”

Hyde tried not to, he really did.

But it was impossible.

He was hurting in every way, humiliated, angry, upset and just wanted it to stop.

He began to sob.

Jekyll took him in his arms and they both wept.

It was late afternoon, when their crying subsided and Hyde sat on the floor alone, desperate for shelter and comfort.

By this time Jekyll was no longer corporeal. He had kept that form up as long as he could, but it had taken too much energy and he'd been forced to return into Hyde's head.

“He-Henry”, he croaked, “E-everything hurts … what do I do?”

“You need medical attention”, Jekyll answered tiredly, “I can't help you. So you have only one option.”

Hyde's eyes widened in horror. “Are you serious?!”

“Yes.”

“But … Lanyon … he will …”

“He won't judge. Not you. It wasn't your fault.”

Jekyll sounded so confident, that he gave in.

Lanyon had just seen off the last patient, when his butler informed him, that a visitor was waiting in the parlour.

The hoary doctor frowned. “A visitor without notice?”

“The young man probably has a good reason for that”, the butler replied, “He looks absolutely awful.”

That got his attention. He went to the parlour hoping, that it wasn't who he feared it was.

Alas, he was disappointed, when he came in and found Edward Hyde waiting.

He wanted to make a snarky remark, but then he saw the brunette's state:

Hyde was even more pallid than usual, his eyes more sunken in, the rims around them darker, as if he hadn't slept in days. There was a nasty bruise on his forehead (probably at least a day old and provisionally nursed). His eyes were red and puffy, he must have been crying. He was supporting himself on his walking cane, but had visible trouble to keep himself upright.

He looked up, saw him and rasped: “I need medical attention.”

It sounded pathetic. Broken.

And Lanyon hated it.

If Hyde was suffering, Jekyll had to be as well.

But he didn't show what he was thinking.

“Very well”, he said calmly, “But perhaps you should sit down-”

“I can't”, Hyde interrupted him quietly. “I can't. It hurts way too much to sit.”

A sense of foreboding crept into the doctor's heart.

“… That answers the question of where the problem is, I suppose. Can you lay on your stomach?”, he asked, pointing to the cot in the corner. The younger one nodded.

“You're obviously tired”, Lanyon continued, “Perhaps you want to rest first. And you look dehydrated. Do you want some tea?”

The brunette smiled gratefully and nodded.

Lanyon helped him over, covered him with a blanket and went to give the orders and fetch his medical equipment. But first, he placed a bucket next to Hyde's head – he did look quite sick.

When he came back, the poor boy was hurling. Within a second, he was by his side with a pot of water and gently rubbing his back.

“Oh dear”, he mumbled, “Mr. Hyde, what's the matter? What happened to you?”

Hyde laughed hoarsely: “I can't answer that question without making it sound like a horror tale.”

Alright, now the sense of foreboding was festering.

Oh my god, please don't let it be what I think it is, please, please, please, he prayed desperately.

He handed the younger man the pot of water. “Some water, for your throat”, he told him and added uncomfortably, “Perhaps we should wait until your stomach has settled down-”

“No”, Hyde choked, “I want to get it over with as soon as possible.”

Lanyon sighed sadly. “As you wish. But you'll have to strip of your inexpressibles, I'm afraid.”

The brunette nodded hesitantly. Lanyon helped him to stand up and offered to help, but Hyde refused vehemently.

The white-haired doctor looked away out of decency and tried not to show his pity, as the other obviously struggled to do as asked of him.

Finally Hyde spoke up: “I'm ready. But Dr. Lanyon, before we get to it: I must ask, that you will remain professional and do your work and nothing more.”

Lanyon turned back to him and nodded solemnly. “Of course, Mr. Hyde. Now, lie back down and spread your legs, please*. I know it's a compromising position, but-”

“I know, I know!”, the brunette snapped. “Just get it over with!”

He spread his legs like a female patient. The young man was shaking like a leaf and his eyes were wide with fear. As if he was trying his best to have faith in the other, but was too frightened and upset to do so.

He only allows me to look at it, because Jekyll trusts me, Lanyon realised.

The doctor began to examine the other's lower body, but his mismatched eyes widened in horror, when he saw the injuries that caused the brunette so much pain.

“Oh my God …”, he breathed. “Jesus Christ!”

“Jesus Christ doesn't care”, Hyde commented coldly.

Lanyon ignored the blaspheme remark.

He had to focus on swallowing his rage.

Hyde wasn't Jekyll, but he was a part of him. Hurting him meant hurting Jekyll too.

And that made the hoary man's blood boil.

Someone had dared to lay hand on his best friend! Had touched and defiled him in the worst possible way! He would fucking kill him! He would find the bastard, who had done this and do the most gruesome things to him that he could think of!

Hyde's voice tore him back to the moment. “You're not going to make me explain what happened, are you?”

It was an anxious question, a plea.

Lanyon shook his head. “You don't need to, Mr. Hyde. It's obvious.”

He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.

“You don't happen to know the guy who did this, do you?”

The patient shook his head. “No. The one I suspect is a complete stranger. I don't know who it was.”

“Dammit”, Lanyon grumbled. “Because I really want to kill him. Shove the barrel of my gun up his arse and pull the trigger.”

“I'd love to see that”, Hyde chuckled weakly, “And hear his screams of agony, as he dies a slow and painful death.”

Lanyon nodded grimly and took another deep breath.

“I'm going to tend to your injuries now”, he told the smaller man. “Sadly I've run out of chloroform, so this will hurt a lot.”

The other nodded. “I know. You'll have to fix me to the cot. I don't think I'll be able to hold still the entire time.”

Lanyon heeded the advice and then went to work.

The procedure was painful for both of them.

For Hyde obviously, for Lanyon, because he couldn't bear to see the other in so much pain.

Not only because this was Jekyll suffering (well, specifically his darker half, but it counted!), but also because Edward Hyde was young, slender and very small. The culprit probably had thought that the brunette was an underage Mary Ann**, which made this whole thing even sicker.

Finally the doctor was finished with his work, leaving the patient drained, but relieved. Lanyon untied him and handed him his pants.

“I'm afraid, this is all I can do”, Lanyon told him apologetically, “Also, you shouldn't eat any solid food for the next days. This needs to heal.”

“Great”, Hyde grumbled, “More soup.”

The older man continued: “Good news is, once the wounds have healed sufficiently, you will be fine. No permanent physical damage.”

“Lucky me”, the younger deadpanned.

“I know it's no comfort.”

“It's not.”

Lanyon hated how helpless he was in this situation.

He had been able to patch up the physical injuries, but never would he be able to mend the wounds left on Jekyll's and Hyde's soul. Even if the wounds healed, the scars would never fade.

Knowing that was unbearable.

“Don't make that face, Doctor”, Hyde said, “You've done all you could. And that was more than enough. I will be fine.”

“Will you?”, queried Lanyon. “Mr. Hyde, stop pretending that you're not hurting on the inside – the other inside”, he added poignantly, when the brunette lifted an eyebrow.

“You're forgetting, that I have known you – that is, Jekyll – for forty years. Your act doesn't fool me.”

He opened his arms. “Need a hug?”

Hyde bit his lip. His acid green eyes lost a bit of their brightness and specks of brown appeared. Jekyll was breaking through his defences, Lanyon realised.

Then the younger nodded silently.

Hyde didn't know how long they had been sitting in this weird position, but eventually he calmed down. Somehow he was able to think clearly now and his emotions were becoming less overwhelming.

For someone who was so easy to unnerve, Lanyon sure had a stabilising aura of reliability to himself.

But then again, this is why Jekyll clung to him for fifteen years, isn't it? Why he loved and needed him so much? Because he made him feel sane?

“Thank you, Lanyon”, he whispered finally.

The hoary doctor smiled. “You're welcome.”

“What time is it?”, he inquired.

Lanyon checked his watch. “It's half past nine.”

Huh. Was it really that late?

The older man handed him his walking cane. “Honestly, I think my work is done so far. Right now, you don't need me any longer.”

Hyde blinked in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Lanyon looked at him seriously. “I gave you medical attention, but you also need someone to help you get the justice you deserve. Mr. Hyde, what you need now is a lawyer.”

Oh.

Right.

A lawyer.

“Shall I call you a cab to Utterson's place?”

Hyde shook his head.

The other frowned. “It's pouring outside and you're still in pain. You shouldn't-”

“I know”, the brunette muttered, “But I walked all the way here from Jekyll's home. I'll manage.”

Lanyon shook his head and gave up. “Well, suit yourself. You two are goddamn stubborn, trying to dissuade you would be pointless.”

“Exactly”, Hyde agreed. “I'll be on my way, then. Thank you for the medical attention. Oh, and Dr. Lanyon?”

“Hm?”

Hyde regarded him with genuine gratitude and said: “You're a good fellow and a wonderful friend. Jekyll is lucky to have you.”

At first, Lanyon looked shocked. Then he smiled lopsidedly.

“You are lucky to have me.”

He laughed throatily. “Yes, I guess I am.”

Then he left.

Utterson was stacking away the last of his paper work, when he heard a knock from the door.

Looking through the spy hole, he couldn't see anything, so he opened the door to check.

To his surprise, it was none other than Edward Hyde standing in front of him. He was completely drenched, shaking like a leaf and supporting himself on his walking stick.

“H-hey”, the wet man stammered.

“Edward! My god, you're soaked! What were you doing outside in this weather?! Get out of these wet clothes, I'll find you a towel and something dry.”

The lawyer pushed him into the living room, near the fireplace and brought him some tea.

When he came back with a nightgown, morning coat and three towels in his arms, Hyde had peeled out of most of his clothes and was hiding behind the armchair like a frightened animal.

This was so very wrong … he felt his heart twist painfully.

But Utterson saved the questions for later and helped the young man dry up and put on the dry clothes. The poor man was still shivering, so he shooed him into his own bed.

“Good grief, out there in this weather at this hour! What happened? You're a mess!”

“Yes”, Hyde replied softly and lay down carefully. “A mess …”

His lip was quivering.

His voice was hoarse and shaking.

His eyes were slightly damp.

He was on the verge of tears, Utterson realised and his heart twisted even further.

“Wait a bit”, he told the brunette gently, “I'll get you some more tea-”

“No!”, the smaller cried suddenly, startling him. “Don't … don't go … I … I …”

The lawyer sat at the edge of the bed. “I'm not going anywhere. But Edward, please tell me what happened.”

“Don't worry”, Hyde muttered, “That's what I came for.”

Then he slowly sat back up. “Oh! I can sit again!”, he remarked, “I must thank Lanyon tomorrow, he did a good job.”

Utterson began to fret. Couldn't the other just tell him already what the matter was?!

But then Hyde began to do exactly that: “It won't be pretty, Gabriel, so brace yourself.

It was last Friday night, I was at the pub to get up the knocker – you know, the usual. Something was different this time, though. But this time there was this stranger, who asked to sit with me. That in itself was weird – no one ever wants to sit with me – so I got suspicious, but I didn't say anything about it. Then my first shot came and I must have been distracted for a moment, I don't remember. Anyway, I was already dizzy after half a glass, so it must have been spiked. So I didn't drink the rest, paid for it and left. But it was pretty difficult to get forward in the darkness and the rain – I don't even know, if I was walking into the right direction. At some point I had to lean against a wall, I think. Then, suddenly I heard a voice behind me and someone threw me against the wall several times. Of course that and the drug made me pass out.

The next thing I remember is waking up today morning, in the flat of one of the girls I frequent. My entire body was hurting like hell, especially my arse and back. She told me what had happened, but it wouldn't have been hard to guess anyway.

Jekyll said that he saw what happened, because he was out in his shadow form. He tried to keep the memories from me, but he isn't as good at it as I am. They came to me on the way here. Fun times. Seeing pictures in my head, of how that bastard defiled my entire body. Then he left me to die, unconscious and covered in blood and filth.”

He hugged himself and looked away, while the lawyer stared at him in horror and disbelief.

When it all sank in, Utterson felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.

“You don't believe me, do you?”, Hyde asked in a hushed, broken voice. “Or if you do … you're disgusted with us, aren't you? With me and Jekyll? Because we allowed someone to do this to-?”

“Shhhh”, the lawyer whispered. “Edward … please look at me.”

When the young man turned his head to look at him, his eyes were brimming with tears.

“Of course I believe you. Why would I not? And I'm not disgusted – not with you two anyway. Just the piece of filth, who did this to you.”

The thought was sickening.

Someone touching Hyde – and therefore Jekyll – like that.

And why the hell was Hyde chuckling?!

“I deserved it. It's not like I was any better. And at least something good came out of it”, he remarked.

The older man frowned. “What good could possibly come out of such a thing?!”

“It taught me to respect women and that a no is a no. Don't give me that look, Mr. Utterson”, he added coolly, when the lawyer frowned. “Did you really believe that I was respectful or even kind to the whores I screwed? Or that I cared, whether they wanted to serve me or not?”

The black-haired man sighed: “No. I'm just disappointed, that Henry Jekyll is a rapist.”

Hyde lifted an eyebrow. “You're surprisingly calm about it. We expected you to freak out.”

“There is nothing I can do about it now. Anything else I should know?”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, neither of us ever touched anyone younger than eighteen. That's the minimum age for Jekyll. My partners must be older than twenty.”

Utterson tilted his head. “To be honest, that does make me feel better. But back to the matter at hand; the culprit. Did you know him, or if not, do you remember what he looked like?”

“I didn't know him, but I do remember his appearance. A bit taller and bulkier than you. Two, three inches, maybe. Broad shoulders, wild red hair and freckles. Irish accent, a very deep voice-”

Suddenly Hyde broke off. His green eyes widened, as if in revelation.

“Edward?”, the lawyer asked carefully.

“That man”, the younger whispered. “It was the same as the one who shot me!”

His face twisted with anger and he jumped up.

“It was him! I knew he was familiar! How did I not recognise him?! That bastard! I should have killed him right on the-!”

Utterson pressed his hands onto the other's shoulders and pushed him back into a sitting position.

“Edward, I know that you're angry, but you need to calm down. Don't play into his hands by becoming his murderer. He will face justice, I give you my word. But you have to keep it together.”

“Keep it together!”, Hyde gasped out angrily, “I let him fucking drug and violate me and now I'm-”

“You didn't let him do anything”, Utterson grimly cut him off. “This wasn't your fault, Edward. It was his fault for being such a perverse individual. I bet he thought you were an underage rent boy or a Mary Ann. You do look a bit like it at first glance.”

“Gee, thanks a lot!”, the younger retorted sarcastically. “That totally wouldn't hurt my pride, if I had any to begin with!”

The lawyer cringed. “Forgive me. I didn't mean to add insult to injury.”

He stood up. “Lie back down, alright? I will get you more tea and something to eat.”

Hyde smiled lopsidedly. “Well, I haven't eaten in two days, so that would be appreciated.”

Utterson couldn't help but smile. “I'll see what I have. Oh, and one more question!”

“Hm?”

“The woman, who saved you. Did you repay her somehow?”

The brunette nodded. “Yes, actually. With 200 £ and a promise to never hurt her again. After all, she did save my life and patched me up as best as she could.”

Utterson nodded in approval.

Two hundred Pounds were a lot of money, but considering what had happened, Jekyll would surely forgive his other half.

He went down to the kitchen, cut a few pomegranates (Lady Summers had given him some from her own greenhouse) and went back up.

Hyde's mood brightened immediately, when he saw the bowl full of pomegranate seeds. His face looked adorable like that, but this was not a good time to think further on it.

“I'm afraid that's all I have right now, since it's Sunday night. Personally, I'm not a fan of them”, Utterson said and gave him the bowl. “But I thought just in case you come here, I might as well get something you like. My favourite food always cheers me u– aaand you inhaled them”, he ended lamely, when the brunette devoured the seeds within less than ten seconds.

“What? I told you I was hungry”, Hyde stated.

Well, at least he didn't get anything onto my nightgown, the lawyer thought drily and handed him a handkerchief.

“Obviously. How are you feeling now?”

Hyde's face fell again and he shook his head.

“It's ironic, really. I feel so tainted and worthless”, he croaked. “I, Edward Hyde, who is but the embodiment of everything that taints Henry Jekyll. I'm not even a real-”

Utterson shook his head and put his hands on the other's shoulders again.

“Hush”, he whispered. “Don't speak that way. None of this is true. Being Jekyll's darker half doesn't make you tainted. Neither does what that scum did to you. Was this the first time you were penetrated like that?”

The brunette lowered his head and nodded.

“Edward. It doesn't count.”

Hyde's head whipped back up, disbelief edged into his face. “What's that supposed to mean?!”

The black-haired man gently kneaded his shoulders and explained: “Your virginity is something you have to give willingly. Something taken without consent and by hurting someone is worth nothing. Your body may be wounded and bruised, but it won't become impure or dirty, because of something that wasn't your fault or even your choice. You haven't chosen to give yourself, Edward, and that's why what he did to you doesn't count. The only things that can tarnish you, are the choices you make and the things you do.”

Throughout his talk, the boy's eyes had filled with tears and now they were running down his face like torrents.

“That's … the biggest balderdash I ever heard! It makes … no sense whatsoever!”, he choked. “Goddammit, Gabriel! Quit making me so bloody sentimental all the time!”

“Sorry”, Utterson apologised, “I'll try. No guarantees, though.”

“I hate being like this!”, Hyde sobbed, “I hate being so fucking pathetic!”

“Edward …”

“I want to forget it! I want to forget, that this ever happened! I want to stop feeling these things and go back to being the unfeeling, cold-hearted creature that I was!”

“Edward …”

The brunette dug his fingernails so deeply into his arms that blood started to seep through the sleeves of the nightgown.

“I want it to stop!”, he cried in anguish. “I want it to stop, damn it! Make it stop! Help me forget it all! Make me forget who I am and not think about anything but that I'm here with you! You're so good at that, Gabriel. Calm my nerves and my mind! Make me feel like I'm more than just the personified sins and vices of someone else! Make me feel like I'm human!”

“Edward!”

The black-haired man pried the other's hands away from his arms, embraced him and let him cry into his chest. The smaller man clung to him like a lifeline, while Utterson stroked his back and his long, dark brown hair with the other.

“Edward. Look at me”, he pleaded.

Oh so hesitantly, the younger looked into his eyes. The older took a napkin out of his waistcoat and wiped the blood off Hyde's arms.

“You're not pathetic. You're hurt, angry and upset and there is nothing pathetic about that. I've told you many times before and I will tell you again. You're far more than just the personified darker half of Henry's soul. You're human. You're a man. Always were and always will be. You're not the lesser being you think you are.”

Hyde's acid green eyes were full of doubt.

“Prove it!”, he rasped, “Prove to me that I'm a person and not the monster everyone things I am!”

The lawyer acted out of instinct.

Hyde blinked in confusion, as the taller man cupped his face and bent down slightly.

“Gabriel …?”

He didn't get to finish the question.

Utterson had no idea, what prompted him to lay his lips upon Hyde's.

Or why he had thought that he could just give the other a gentle peck on the lips.

Because that had been his intention: a harmless, quick and chaste peck.

Stupid him.

As if Hyde ever wouldn't be Hyde enough to crave more than just that fleeting touch.

Next thing he knew was that the young man was kissing him back with passion and entangling his spidery fingers in his greying hair.

Utterson felt his face flush. He felt his heart beat higher and a strange fuzziness in his stomach.

Yet at the same time, he felt a sting in his heart.

What am I doing? My first kiss was supposed to be with Henry, yet here I am …

The thought was quickly banished, however. Hyde gently pushed him down onto the bed and crawled on top of him, not breaking the kiss for a split of a second.

Never would the black-haired man have imagined, that this would feel so … right. That he would ever willingly make out with Edward Hyde and like it.

But Hyde was so skilled and good at it, and his lips tasted like the pomegranate seeds he had eaten earlier.

It was wonderful. Addictive. It took his breath away.

It made him feel … desire. He had never felt desire before. It was so unfamiliar, yet it felt so good.

He moaned softly and clasped the other's thin waist.

But after a while, the need for air became too great and they parted, both wheezing for breath.

“Whoa …”, Utterson gasped. “Edward …”

With hooded eyes, he gazed at the smaller man, who was currently panting on top of him.

His eyes were glowing with emotion and a rosy blush had painted his pale cheeks.

In that moment, he looked stunningly beautiful.

“That was … unexpected”, he remarked breathlessly.

Then he giggled: “That really was your first kiss.”

It wasn't a question.

Utterson blushed harder and asked sheepishly: “Was it that obvious?”

Hyde nodded. “Quite so. Your lips quivered. And you were so awkward, clumsy and timid, there is no way you could've had any experience.”

The black-haired man was peeved by the smug grin on the brunette's face. But any snappy retort he could have made died in his throat, when he saw the softness in those green eyes.

“No one has ever given me their first kiss before”, Hyde confessed. Then, more seriously: “You saved your first kiss for Jekyll, didn't you? Why did you kiss me instead?”

That was a good question.

Why had he kissed him?

Because he had felt like he had to do it? Because the younger had needed it? Because he had wanted to? Because he'd had something to prove?

None of those … but he had no idea what the truth was.

“I … I do not know”, he finally admitted.

“Do you regret it?”

Utterson considered.

Eventually he smiled and said: “No. I don't regret kissing you.”

Hyde relaxed and smiled back.

And then, suddenly – a lion yawn.

Seemed like exhaustion was finally catching up to a certain someone.

The lawyer chuckled and pulled the covers over them.

“Sleep, Edward. I'll stay with you.”

Hyde snuggled into him and fell asleep soon after.

Utterson wrapped his arms around him and closed his eyes.

Never mind, that he was still fully dressed.

---

* I don’t know how anal injuries were treated back then (if at all), so I improvised.

** Mary Ann - Victorian slang for an effeminate man, sometimes (but not necessarily) a male prostitute.

In summer 1885 (before my story begins), the age of consent was raised from 13 to 16 years old (by the same Act that criminalised homosexuality).

My Hyde looks younger than 16 years old at first glance (being so small and slight), so a stranger would mistake him for a 12/13-year-old, just by looking at his face.

[pedropascalssimp]

●Part two ●

demon of the night

Summary: it's been a few days since the night Brian's car broke down, two days later he awakes with a sore neck, and a odd hunger. And angry

Warnings: mentions of blood and language. Angsty

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Its midnight when brian awakes, he yawns and opens his eyes looking around the dark room, his brows netting in confusion when he sees its pitch black dark outside, he hisses in pain as he feels a stinging in his neck, he brings a hand up lightly feeling the area, once the pad of his finger comes in contact with the area it stings, he hisses again at the painful feeling, he then scrambles out of bed and to a vanity with a mirror, when he looks in it he sees two red Mark's and a bruise. He panics and anger takes over him.

That's when he basically runs downstairs and towards the soft humming emitting from the kitchen, when he walks in he sees you standing there in a long red gown drinking something red, he would assume it was wine but it look thicker then wine would be, he stares at you for a moment, taking in the sight of you, you're absolutely gorgeous, he felt like he was hypnotized, the way your hair fell over your shoulders and your y/e/c eyes shining in the dim lighting, you're pure gorgeousness.

Then he realized he was supposed to be mad, and the anger returns, he stumped his way into the kitchen grabbing the attention of maximus who hisses at the man, you look up and smile at the man.

" what the fuck is this!." He points to his neck In a panicked angered voice, you only smile and turn around taking a drink from the mysterious red in the glass, he scoffs and looks to the floor with a tense jaw and clenched fists.

" why aren't you answering me and why are you smiling so damn much!." He almost begs as he looks back up at you, you smile again and look at him while leaning on the counter.

" well...its quite the long story and I'm sure you'd find it overwhelming so maybe you should take a seat." You say, he scoffs and let's out a noise that would resemble a whine. You motioned him to the sofa and he followed. As the two of you sit down you look toward him with eyes full of sympathy and love, and a soft kind smile. He couldn't help but to let his anger go as he looked at your beauty that seemed to wash it all away.

" to start it all off I'm not what you think i am...I'm a vampire an-." Before you could say anymore he cut you off.

" there! Not real!." He said with a raised voice, if Freddie, john or roger was hear they'd be shocked at the usually calm man raise his voice. You sigh at him.

" we are and I'm one so just listen." You say softly, but he doesn't and he stand up and paces, " how is that even possible! There these made up t-things! That people dress up as on Halloween!." He rambles, you sigh but stand up in a flash of an eye and grab his shoulders as your fangs come out, you hiss at the man and show him the fangs, his eyes go wide as he looks like he's about to fant, but thankfully he doesn't.

" sit down and listen to me!." You say in a demanding voice, he does so and stares at you with wide eyes still.

" I'm a vampire....have been for thousands years and." You say, still standing up looking at him with hard loving eyes. He gulps and let's out a shakey breath. " I didn't want to be one but it happened and I can't take it back...and I'm sorry...I'm so sorry what I did but I needed to...I had to.." you say with tears filling your eyes, he looks at you confused and you slowly get on your knees in front of him, looking at him with guilt.

" what did you do to me?..." he mumbles as he starts putting the puzzle pieces together. And quite honestly he's scared. A tear falls from your eye as you look at him.

" I had to do it...it's what was meant to happen." You say, he couldn't believe this...the anger he felt before was back and he moved you and stood up as he felt like punching something.

" you! Have basically ruined my life!." He yelled like a temperamental teenage girl, you stand up looking at him. " now! I'm this damn thing! When all I was supposed to be! Was a guitarist in my band!." He yelled, you look down and a whimper escapes your lips.

" I'm sorry...if I didn't turn you, you wouldn't ever live a life with someone you can love and trust! You would live a miserable life! And I would have died! Three days after I saw you!." You yelled back, he looked at you with anger filled eyes.

" you. are what made my life miserable..." he said and went upstairs, you cry and run a hand through your hair. He stumped upstairs and slammed the door. As he throws himself on the bed. He was beyond mad over being turned into a vampire. And know he's stranded in the middle of nowhere with a crazy woman....he feels this unbearable pain fill his chest when he thought about leaving you.

He groans in frustration at the whole situation. He just wished it was all a dream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sit in the floor while staring at the red walls you've stared at for years upon years, you hated what you had done but its what was supposed to happen, you was told that by the very man who had turned you into what you are all those centuries ago...and you hated him, the only reason he turned you through was so the world could be populated by vampires. And That one man is who had taught you the ways of vampires and after he told you his plans you refused to populate the world with what you was, which you thought to be a a curse, so therefore making you be shunned and that's when you moved into this house in London....

You sigh and wipe away the tears and walk to the kitchen as you grab a glass full of blood you had fixed for brian, you sniffle and walk upstairs knocking on his door, you hear him mumbling something before he yells at you.

" please! Go away!." He yelled, you sigh and refuse, he needs this blood and he will take it even if you have to force it down his throat.

" you need to eat bri or you'll get sick!." You say, he yanks the door open ready to give you a peice of his mind, that is until the smell of blood blesses his nostrils. He looks down at it and cant help but to lick his lips. You hand it to him and he instantly gulps it down, as he downs the whole thing a few drips fall from the corner of those beautiful lips you found yourself craving.

" why does this taste so fucking good?." He whines while screwing his eyes shut, you sigh and look at his pure beauty.

" because it's the only thing you can eat now...its what vampires feed off of..." you tell him softly, he groans and looks up at you with hatred and sad eyes, the beautiful honey brown eyes staring into your own y/e/c ones,

" I want to leave y/n...I want be as far from you and this place as possible...please." he begs you, you sigh and a pain stings your chest as if someone was sticking needles in it,

" its easier said then done brian...its impossible!." You say with a shaky panicky voice, " neither of us would live for long....we will die without each other." You explained truthfully, but he didn't believe you.

" that's bullshit I'm leaving even if I have to walk 20 fucking miles." He said, you stand there staring at him with pleading eyes, but you wouldn't force him to stay....he would feel the pain after being gone for a day...then he would have to come back...so you step aside and let him out of the room.

" the phone is fixed..." you say quietly as you follow him. He nods and walks to it dialing John's number once more, after four rings he picks up with a sleepy voice.

" hello?." He said, brian smiles and let's out a shakey breath, " thank God john...my car broke down and I have no idea where the hell I am and I really need you to pick me up as soon as possible." He explained, over the line brian can here john sit up.

" jesus bri where the hell have you been?." Asks john, brian looks over towards you for the address, you sigh and tell him.

" well theres this woman who let me stay with her for a few days...she leaves pretty far out and her phone didn't work until know...the address is Epping new road, in loughton." Brian sighs out, john groans.

" its 1am Brian and that's quite the drive." John complained, " for goodness sake john please...the womans mad." Brian whispers into the phone but you hear it.

" okay I'll be there but just warning you now...Freddie is absolutely mad about you missing a few days in the studio...as well as roger." He warned the man, brian sighs.

" just get here as fast as possible." And with that he hangs up. You look at him with crossed arms and a frown.

" I can't stop you from leaving...so I might as well give you the warnings that come along with being a vampire..." you tell him. He sits down and closes his eyes.

" you cant sit in the sun for long or you'll basically get extremely sick make sure you always wear sunglasses if you do." You say as he nods, his head thrown back as he rests his eyes. " and always make sure to eat blood and blood only, if you eat food you'll regret it..." you add.

" anything else?." He snaps at you. Your heart breaks at the tune of voice he uses with you.

" if your gone longer then three days from your mate then you'll die from a unbearable pain that will slowly kill you." You explained, he scoffs with a laugh.

" how lovely y/n I'm so thrilled you have turned this curse on me! I couldn't ever live my whole life without it." He sarcastically praises you, a tear falls from your eye as you stare at him.

" fuck you brian." You whisper as you turn around and stump up the stairs, " no! Fuck you y/n!." He yells, you slam the door to your room shut and let a sub out.

You knew he would be upset about the whole thing but you couldn't stand hearing the way he talks to you...the tune of voice he uses as if he hated your guts...and he does...but over time he would love you, that you was sure of. But at the moment he felt everything but love for you, and that was painful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been four hours as brian sit on the sofa silently crying, why he didn't know but he was beyond happy when he heard the sound of a car pull up outside, he jumps up with a smile as he wipes his tears away, before john could knock on the door brian swings it open and hugs the man, john stands there shocked but hugs back.

" thank god! Your a life saver john!." Brian crys in joy upon seeing his friend. John looks at Brian worried.

" just how crazy is this woman!?." He asks concerned, and that's when she walks downstairs with a small smile.

John looks at her with wide eyes. She was stunningly beautiful. " she looks really hot for a mad woman." He mumbles to brian, he only scoffs. " let's just go." Brian said, and so john waves bye and walks out, before brian could you stare at him and say his name. He turns to look at you.

" you'll regret it brian...and I'll be waiting here when you come back." You say, he scoffs and slams the door shut leaving you to cry as the pain hit you slowly. Starting off with little pain bit you knew it would build up to something unbearable.

And you sit there on the stairs as tears race down your cheeks.

[asfixiafloral]

So far, her attempts at being gentle and reassuring were absolutely futile. It was careless of her to think she could somehow bring down the walls Johan had built around his heart. And because of that, Johan was intensely glaring at her, he almost looked furious, but that probably wasn't the right way to describe it. Resentfulness was definitely right. And when she heard his voice waver with emotion, it sent a pang of unbearable pain to her heart. The pain didn't stop there though. Anna couldn't hold his gaze anymore, she had to bow her head down to look at her trembling fingers resting on her thighs. Her stomach felt uneasy, and her heart rate hasn't relaxed ever since she laid her eyes on Johan a while ago.

The reality is: Guilt was eating her from the inside out.

Anna desperately broke her silence as Johan asked his last question, "I didn't cast you aside!" She bursted, she was so desperate to correct him she yelled without thinking, "I..." She forced herself to look up and meet his cold gaze, "I did, I forgot all about you Johan, all of my memories with you were completely wiped from my head for the longest time. I went on with my life as if nothing ever happened... as if I never had a brother" She had to admit that at least, it was true "But I... I don't know what happened to me! To my memories, I don't know exactly when I lost them!" Her words are rushed, it feels like she's running out of air. The guilt is making her nauseous and desperate "It's not like I wanted to forget about you Johan! I'm telling you the truth I- how could I ever leave you behind willingly? Even now that I have memories of the past, I still don't know what caused me to forget about you for so long!"

She couldn't get a reaction out of him still, so she kept on going "When our eyes met for the first time, remember? I saw you leaning against one of the pillars, you were staring at me, smiling," Anna remembers that moment so vividly it scares her, "Did you know I fainted right after you walked away? I had no idea who you were, where you came from but... I couldn't stop thinking about your face, about your eyes..." She places her hand on her chest, on top her frantic heart "I'd come to school, unconsciously looking for you, in hopes to see your face once more... and even after I found out who you really where, I still wanted to see you so badly. I almost got myself killed a couple of times in the process" Anna bites her lip hard it almost draws blood, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Johan" She can't take it anymore, even if forgetting him wasn't her choice, she still wants to apologize "For causing you so much pain! It's the last thing I ever wanted to do! I never meant to h-hurt you... never meant to forget you either!" She's holding back her tears, but it's so hard not to cry when she's feeling like this, "I'm sorry... sorry..." She chokes up, her voice breaking pathetically as a million apologies escape her lips.

She tries her best to get a hold of herself, so she dries her tears and takes a few deep breaths. She feels sick, but at least she sounds a bit more coherent now "Ten years without you... we can never recover the time we lost... but I- I want to offer you the rest of my life to make up for it" She wipes a few more tears away, her promise is dramatic but she wholeheartedly means it but Johan remains. Anna wonders if she'll ever be able to get through him "Why do you... keep on pushing me away? Why do want me to hate you so much? I want you to stay but... I feel like you'll be gone forever when I wake up in the morning"

@theartifxce

asfixiafloral·:

Like she said before, her brother is one unpredictable being. Johan is seemingly emotionless to everybody else but Anna knows better than to believe he’s nothing but a hollow shell. Her barrage of questions seemed to have worked because the reaction she got out of him was promising, or at least it was different from his usual behavior. Anna kept her eyes on his every move as he sat down next to her, the bed dipping slightly, as if he wasn’t placing his full weight on it. Johan looked incredibly tense, stiff and it was contagious because the way her name rolled off his tongue and the indescribable look he gave her made her blood run ice cold in her veins. But she remained still, she refused to look away. Johan was exposing a side of himself that she hasn’t seen yet. She can tell he’s trying so hard to not lose the little composure he had left as he continues to speak, to warn her, to state the truth. It makes her heart twist uncomfortably in her chest, his words were soaked with poison and it felt like a personal attack. It’s at that moment Anna realized something, it was only a theory but she was suspected Johan was trying to break what was left of their weak bond once and for all, and push her away for good. 

She refuses to play a part in his plan.

“I’m prepared” Her voice is firm, no longer shaky with due to her bursting emotions. She locks eyes and matches the same intensity he’s providing her with, “I want answers,” She leans slightly closer, “I want to know what happened after we parted ways. I want to know everything about you, Johan” Her expressions softens slightly, “I won’t hate you, I am incapable of hating you. I have every right in the world to despise you… after everything you’ve done… but I can’t” She frowns just a bit, “I’m not giving up on you, no matter how unbearable you say it will be…” Anna desperately searches a change in his eyes, ‘I know that little boy you speak of is not dead yet, you haven’t been able to get rid of him this entire time… even if he doesn’t speak for you anymore, I still love you. I want to learn how to love you again, you’re not alone anymore’ She lets those thoughts float around her mind, hoping her brother wold somehow understand what she’s trying to convey. She can’t say it loud because she knows he’ll outright refuse her offer of love. Anna knows she might seem insane, irrational even. Anybody else would’ve forsaken Johan, left him to rot somewhere, but she won’t “It’s… you and me, remember?”

“I’ll tell you everything…” She’ll try her best to answer everything as honestly as she can, even if all her memories are back, some of it is still hazy in her mind, “You just need to ask” Anna didn’t want to admit it but she was quite eager, she has been looking forward to connecting into the other half of her memories, even as Johan sits next to her, she feels weirdly whole. Complete. As if they truly belonged at each other’s side.

@theartifxce

☓  —- |  His expression did not shift when she spoke – he was not reassured that she was truly aware of the monstrosity that hid behind the mask he always wore in front of her. Yes, she knew he was a serial killer –the humanity of hesitation never lingered upon his trigger finger. It was such a blanket term; a curtain that hid the grotesqueness of his deeds. The true reality of his darkness; the sick twisted ebony of his soul was never truly witnessed by her innocent eyes. He knew very well that it would make her skin crawl to learn how he would seep into the souls of the worst kind of men. It would make her stomach twist – how he put on quite the façade, empathizing with animals – grooming them with the compassion and dignity they never received and desperately yearned for.

                                                    (and how good he was at it too.)

 For that connection, as delicate and paper thin as it was, got Johan the instruments he needed to achieve his every goal. Once he had his eyes locked on someone; they were to meet their demise. His power, ironically, was sympathizing with the ugliest souls in the world; pretending he had the heart to understand the feelings left behind by the shadows of their pain.  But the way he’d capture the shattered pieces of their soul, he knew, Nina wouldn’t be able to stomach. He was a master of his craft; setting up the elements of their traumas to provoke the blinding snap that would get them to act the way he needed them too.

And then something she said stole him from the deep crevices of his thoughts ��� and it left trails of icy bumps going down his back.

                                                   “It’s you and me, remember?”  

– her sweet voice uttered her careless words and they rang over and over and over within the hell inside of his mind. He chuckled, a harsh hum against his chest; his tone deep and sharp as he spoke, 

                                                       “No…I don’t remember.” 

Then he brought his unforgiving gaze to hers. He saw the way his expression made her tense – but the words still left without care, “What I do remember is having to live 10 years without you.” There was a hint of emotion in his voice now. “Having to swallow what felt like needles every single day over the fact that you easily moved on from me.” He snickered. “Ironically, not even Kinderheim did me such a disservice.”  It was now Nina that bowed her head, too afraid to meet him eye to eye.

 “You know, at first – when my mind could still be considered that of a child, I had spent most of those early years with that wound so fresh, blaming your forgetfulness for all that I had become, knowing deep down the root was a different one.” His tone carried the air of an attack; whether he intended to or not. “You say that you’d tell me everything, all I need to do is ask. Isn’t that right, Nina?”  Johan was cruel enough to grip the tip of her chin and lift her head so that their eyes met once again as he spoke, “Tell me then – how were you able to wound me so greatly?” His eyes were deep like the black unforgiving sea on a stormy night; threatening to swallow her whole. 

“How were you able to cast me aside, Anna?” He whispered her name coldly, knowing the pang the name would leave in its wake. 

@asfixiafloral​

[seafoam-mermaid]

Kind of want to leave social media again but can't decide. I can't relate to anyone or anything because I have never been wanted or loved and that's that on that. I'm tired of everything. I wish I could go live in an isolated but peaceful lighthouse by the sea and suffer without the torment of the internet and social media and society. I'm sick of everything being one miserable and endless competition. I can't win and I never will and I don't want to take part in it anymore. Compete to see how pretty I am, how wanted I am, how lovable I am, how interesting I am, how great my job is, if I have my own place and car, how successful and ambitious I am, how laid back or not, how cool how thin how funny how smart, it never ends. It never ends. I just want to exist in peace and be ugly and unlovable in peace. I want to be healthy and live with my dogs that will love me no matter how ugly and unlovable I am and listen to music and drink coffee and read and work on my stitching projects and learn how to play instruments and grow a garden and eat fresh fruit and healthy yummy food and watch my favorite shows and movies and take walks along the beach or into town when I feel like getting out and shopping for cute things and just be content with my pets and my cozy house and maybe a few close friends even if I never find love. No internet and no social media and no stressful jobs and no money and no lack of health care. Maybe I would still be lonely but not in an unbearable and agonizing way.