#I can't believe it let me post the whole thing
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okay, I wasn't going to say anything initially to this but then I found some evidence to what y’all are saying is uhhhhh
Number one: For the second person who reblogged my post, I don't know if you intend this to be saying about me but why would you assume that I hate Will or/and Mike? Or it just seems like your talking to the bylers in general, using my post as your example.
What I said was not harmful at all and is actually a legitimate thing that could happen, at least Will defending himself and I have evidence for that, will show later in this post.
You claim that Will is innocent and can't do no harm basically, it seems like you don't want him to grow into being a strong character that can protect himself and others at all in season 5 and let him be the helpless one, seems to me you don't understand. And what obsession? With him being able to be strong and protect himself? Yeah, then I do think we have an obsession because why wouldn’t anyone not want to see that? Ofc we want the character who basically has been just a warning for the others about whats coming to actually take a stand for himself! Like are you kidding me?!
It's funny bc my post was NEVER about this. But you somehow made it into an argument/disagreement
Then about the gun thing, to me you're looking way too deep into it. Like WAY too deep. And what panic attack, they were all freaking out when the shootout happened.
And did you just call us idiots? For what? saying Mike picking up a silly object to use as defense is us saying he is useless or a loser? Uh cuz we didn't? Once again, never did I say Mike can't also protect himself and others, never called him useless or a loser. I was talking about one little scenario so that we can finally see Will being a well developed character while also including byler in it.
And Here’s my evidence for that, FROM THE CREATORS OF THE SHOW THEMSELVES:
“Will is used to being the young one, the introverted one, the one that’s being protected.”
“It’s will coming into his own as a young man”
SO! What this clearly means is that Will is going to be a main character here, so are we going to see the main character being innocent, in fear, in need of being protected by anyone... especially Mike, scared to use a gun or whatever weapon of choice
NO, we're not.
This is his season to shine and not cower in fear, and what’s the thing about Mike leading Will around the UD either, like what, Mike has never actually been in the upside down before while Will has survived there for a whole ass Week, while yes he was scared, he still survived, and now after everything that has happened I believe he is to be braver (tho he was literally like what? 11? 12? When he got stuck there anyone would be scared), and why is he braver- bc of Mike.
And I'm not saying Mike isn't still gonna protect him or himself or whoever, honestly I believe they will protect each other, bc that's what power couples do. Pmo fr cuz my post was so innocent but someone had to make into a whole thing.
I could say more but this is already long asf
What I NEED to see in Stranger Things Season 5 is Will protecting Mike with a shotgun, bc season 1 Will just easily knowing how to use a gun is underrated and I feel not talked about enough and WILL USEING A GUN NEEDS TO BE BROUGHT BACK PLSSSSS I NEED TO SEE IT
and to add the cherry on top I need Mike drooling over him while he thinks Will looks fine as hell protecting him/using a gun to protect him
#byler#<— target audience#like what#stranger things#mike wheeler#will byers#will can protect himself#Mike can also protect himself#Byler is a power couple
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Tubbo: I just feel like... I need to say I'm sorry, and I feel so guilty that I've put you in this situation. I never expected to have to care for anyone else other than myself, and I know that's very selfish, and I know how selfish that is, but...
Tubbo: If I had known that you existed, I never would have signed up for something like this, this kind of scheme, this operation, if you will. I'm so sorry, Sunny.
#Tubbo#Sunnysideup#Creation#QSMP#February 21 2024#not a full transcript FYI#Sunny#I can't believe it let me post the whole thing
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Okay so I recently, finally, watched Wish and I have some thoughts. Overall, not as bad as everyone makes it out to be, but still has a lot of fundamental story problems and I've got to get them off of my chest. I'll mostly be focused on Magnifico because I think his motivations and arc largely represent the problem with the overall theme.
Okay so my biggest problem with Magnifico is his motivation. His tragic backstory. How on earth does he go from losing his whole family to thinking, the only way he can prevent that from happening again is to grant wishes? The logic doesn't track. It almost makes sense in his creating a kingdom where he protects everyone and "doesn't even charge rent," but it does not make sense with his wish granting. Having a great need to be control to make sure he doesn't lose anyone ever again can be a compelling motivation for a villain, where we see lines crossed that don't justify the intent, but in the movie, he's too self-absorbed to seem to have any actual care for the people of Rosas.
I think if the motivation was changed to something like Magnifico had once been a bright-eyed, enthusiastic wish granter who blindly believed all wishes were good but learned the hard way that that wasn't true could have been a better fit for the overall goal of the movie. Imagine that he granted a wish for a wicked person who used that wish to hurt others, or if Magnifico granted a wish but that wish ended up ruining the person's life because what they wanted wasn't what they needed (i.e. Remember The Princess and the Frog? Dig a little deeper) and that person could have went after Magnifico and blamed him for their troubles (harkening back to We Don't Talk about Bruno). This would be an understandable tragic backstory for Magnifico, and better explain why he's so careful about the wishes he grants. And, perhaps the reason he keeps the wishes he doesn't want to grant is to keep the people in his kingdom docile. No one will be angry with him for not granting their wishes if he makes them forget them and lose that drive and motivation, which makes more sense than the unexplained hording them like he does in the movie? Why does he keep them in the movie other than admiring the wishes? It doesn't make sense to me.
This would give Asha more of a reason to oppose him, if it's shown how his desire to not get hurt or to inadvertently cause hurt turned into a paranoia where he drains people of wishes to fly or play music that inspires others. And, as a side note, we need to see more of how Rosas is a kingdom of people who lack drive and motivation, where only those younger than 18 have that special part of them that inspires them to chase after a dream (something that Astor Rhymemaster touched on). Because that's the point of wishes, right? That's the point of the entire Disney canon. A dream is a wish your heart makes. That star can only get you so far, it takes hard work and determination. It's wanting something better in life, it's dreaming of leaving behind all you know to chase after a tangible light. It's finding a new dream, it's finding a new wish as you grow and learn about yourself and the world.
I don't think the movie Wish understood what makes wishes so important in Disney stories. You know what wishes do? They ignite change. It's not about getting what you want, it's about finding the courage to chase after something better. Ariel wants to be where the people are, but really she wants to be somewhere where others are willing to understand her and in the end, she finds that and makes amends with her father, who finally is willing to see her for who she is. Rapunzel wants to see the lights, and that desire pushes her to leave a tower she's been trapped in her whole life, learning that the world is not as cruel and cold as her abusive mother told her. Cinderella wants to go to the ball, to dance with people who treat her as a person and not a servant of cinders and ash. That wish is granted by a fairy godmother and gives her a hope that is worth fighting for, a hope that helps her reclaim what is rightfully hers; a glass slipper that fits only her and the love that comes with it.
Wishes inspire change. The movie should have been about that. Magnifico could have been right, that some wishes inspire negative change that can drag down multiple people. The kingdom of Rosas could have been so placid because change is scary. Maybe Magnifico could have convinced people, after taking their wish, that it wasn't worth it. Maybe the wish ceremonies could have changed so it wasn't portrayed as some sort of lottery everyone looks forward to, but Magnifico would grant wishes on the spot if he decided they were good and worthwhile, and he would lock away the wishes that would cause trouble and tribulations. 18 year olds could be enthusiastic to give him their wishes, thinking they were surely good and worth granting, only to forget their wish and be told that their wish would have only brought about their unhappiness, this would have justified a more solemn tone in the kingdom, setting up a world where people are mostly downtrodden, thinking their wishes are bad and pointless and they're better off without them. Imagine Cinderella or Rapunzel being told their wishes weren't good, reinforcing all the things their abusive families tell them, taking away that hope and courage to find something better for themselves.
Here's where the true conflict could come in. Asha could be onto this from the beginning, and her opening song could have been about this concern that the people who didn't get their wishes granted aren't willing to try at all. (Because, after all, why doesn't Sabino play music at all? Having that taken from him would take so much joy and creative expression from his life!) But why does Asha know something is amiss?
Simon.
Imagine that Magnifico has a strict rule not to ever share your wish with another person because then it wouldn't come true. It makes sense with our own superstitions, and then makes it so that no one knows anyone else's wishes. Maybe your best friend changes so drastically after giving up their wish, but you believe, like everyone else, that their wish would have only caused suffering. What can you do about it? Well what if Simon told Asha about his wish? What if Asha knew his wish wasn't dangerous and couldn't imagine a way that it could go wrong? That would give her a reason to doubt Magnifico and put more emphasis on how Simon has lost his drive like all the other adults in the kingdom. And it can also emphasize in the end that sharing your wishes and dreams with others can be a powerful thing. Just the act of sharing your dreams can inspire others to go after their own, and they can give you the encouragement to chase your wish too. Wishes inspire change, love gives you the courage to make it happen.
Imagine if the star boy used to be a human, who wished to help others and lost his humanity to do it. Imagine his wish confirms Magnifico's belief, that wishes cause suffering because star boy lost his tether to earth and is separated from the people he loves. Imagine how he foils Asha who also wants to grant everyone's wishes. Imagine him ensuring she doesn't make the same mistake he did while she gives him a reason to change again, to anchor himself to humanity again because he loves her enough not to leave for forever.
Imagine the movie confirming that, yes, change is scary. Chasing your dreams won't always make things better. You might fail more than you succeed and some wishes cannot coincide with each other, leading to grief and strife. But some wishes are worth it. Sometimes, chasing after something better and failing is worth leaving a worse situation. Sometimes taking that chance is worth it, and, like in all fairy tales, if you are kind and generous and act with love, that will make all the difference in the end.
Also, I know everyone wished for a Magnifico and Amaya evil power couple, but imagine if Magnifico was truly in love with Amaya, as he is in the movie, but that love is eventually his undoing. Like Amaya leaps in front of Asha, and Magnifico stops or redirects his attack because she's the one thing he loves more than himself and that is the weakness that Asha and co can take advantage of. Imagine Amaya keeping Magnifico in the mirror and he gets to dote on her from his imprisonment for forever. I'm just saying. At least 30 sickos like me would be into that. Imagine the depth it would give to the themes of love and change and wishing and how acts of love make all the difference.
Alright, I'll get off my soap box. I just really wish Wish could have been stronger because these fairy tales Disney is famous for matter. They really do. But the movie feels too stale and shallow and too much of a cash grab that knows the outline of a disney musical, but is unable to understand the heart of why they work.
#rose and rambles#wish 2023#disney#disney wish#if you read anything i post let it be this im shaking the bars of my cage#I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT FAIRY TALES AND DREAMS LET ME AT THE PEOPLE WHO MADE WISH SO SHALLOW#ILL MAKE THEM TEA AND GIVE THEM A GOOD SCOLDING#WHILE STEALING THEIR CLOTHES AND PUTTING ON A FAKE MUSTACHE TO TAKE OVER WHILE THEY'RE NIBBLING ON NICE COOKIES#THAT'S A TOTALLY NORMAL THING TO DO RIGHT#if you want to tell a good story you gotta tell it yourself <- my villain origin story#or at least my Sebastian kiss the girl moment. i can't believe they took out star boy. God forbid independent women have romantic interests#anyway im obsessed with how Magnifico always called Amaya “my love” and i think we can do beautiful and twisted things with that#Also i kind of hate the whole 'oh there's no saving him from this evil magic corruption' like le please that's the most stupid thing to eve#be in a fairy tale#just proves these people didn't actually read the snow queen#also also go watch Astor Rhymemaster she's a genius and explains songs IN SUCH AN IN DEPTH WAY#i haven't interacted with much other wish stuff so idk how others are rewriting it but this my ideal
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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glorious 25th makes me think again about that one idea i once had for a discworld spinoff set in the future that would deal with the natural conclusion to the industrial revolution arc: communism comes to discworld
#posts by me#this should happen in a time after vetinari it'd be a bit too much for him#let him peacefully die at his desk and then say ten or so years later we're ready to roll#i'm thinking it should feature a grownup young sam. he should make a new friend with a lot to say about why the economy is that way#that's right young sam becomes engels#idk. the industrial revolution arc especially the one abt trains is very. hm. yeah the train is a magnificent invention#and it all starts out wonderful with well-intentioned men at the helm like harry king and even moist#men who make sure the railway workers are provided for#but we can't always rely on good men to be in charge. i'm sure pratchett knew this#and if he'd had more time he could have handled things with more nuance/i really believe he was just starting out with the whole theme#i don't think pratchett would have given us commie arc he wasn't THAT much of a leftist#but i'm sure he wouldn't have stopped at ''but in this world the railway baron is NICE!''#if the industrial revolution on the disc goes anything like the one in the real world. a labor movement becomes necessary#vetinari and his five handpicked good dudes can't keep the common people safe forever
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(x)
#link neal#mullet link#gmm 2428#i saw only like 2 posts from today's episode so please let me spam y'all with mullet link#the main episode was kinda boring. not a fan of the whole gamification of catch the fish with grandad#but at least gmmore was fun and they looked amazing#lol#him playing with his hair is gonna send me to a coma#the mullet is so long now#i still can't believe that he really went for it#and keep wondering if the mullet is only gonna be a summer thing#i'm loving every moment that we get with mullet link#my post
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now that i've been thinking about one direction again for the last few days (and forgive me if this reads as tone deaf considering the general situation rn), i do want to say that it BAFFLES me how niall kept his love life a secret for five whole years. this is not me saying he owes me this information or that he should give fans a play-by-play of his dating life. i'm glad he's been able to keep things private, i'm not digging or fishing, i'm just nosy as hell, he's not going to read this etc etc. but like. the boys were so overexposed for years, literally every interviewer asked them about their love lives, even when they dated non-celebrities, their relationships were widely discussed. even when they tried to keep it a secret, they were papped alllll the time (like the time harry was supposedly dating t-swift the first time around and he got caught kissing a girl that was NOT her). even when they weren't papped, they were most certainly spotted in public by fans and non-fans. i know eleanor and louis had been sighted by multiple regular, non-1d fans who only vaguely knew louis as "that guy from 1d." people used to follow perrie's brother and zayn's sisters on instagram and get updates about their relationship from there. stans had a hawklike eye on who the boys and their family members started following and unfollowing on instagram and twitter. bobby and greg have public accounts and so do his cousins and friends. i refuse to believe hailee steinfeld was niall's first relationship, he's had to have dated around. but you mean to tell me he bypassed this mass surveillance/panopticon of celebrity life and did it secretly? never even got caught once doing anything that would catch people's attention? and you mean to tell me it was such a well-kept secret that the boys, who were notorious for letting things slip, did not let it slip? did they even know what he did in his free time? did he even tell them? he's so funny
#i mean i know he's been linked to barbara palvin and demi lovato before. not to mention the whole ellie goulding-ed sheeran thing#<- but he's never been seen with the first two and i can't remember if the latter was just a fan rumor that got repeated around enough time#to be 'canonized'#i'm just in awe. he was BLONDE and in a boyband. surely...surely there must have been a sighting of him with a partner#was niall a vampire? is that how he did it?#now i know some of you might say: oh you sweet summer child. this means they let you see things they WANT you to see#but that is categorically false. i know way too much about zayn for my own liking. he was very bad at hiding stuff#in fact it shocks me that people call ZAYN the mysterious one. nobody even knew niall was colorblind until after the band#good for him. i never want to know what/who anyone is singing about and it's his business what he does#but still. i can't believe people used to think they were hiding larry when niall was probably hiding in plain sight#legend. there's a reason he's my favorite member of the band post-1d
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had a dream that there was a Brobecks reunion concert in my 8th grade science classroom and all the other people in the audience were annoyed that I was singing along and dancing as well as the desk I was sitting at would allow (why was this tiny audience forced to sit at desks??)
#dallon didn't sing anything. even the songs he's supposed to sing on. he was practically higing behind the drums it was weird and awkward#but my 8th grade science teacher was there politely nodding along with the music and doing that almost-smile he used to do#that almost-smile was the most you'd get out of him unless you were talking to him one-on-one#still remember the first time i made him smile and nobody believed me when i bragged about it lol#and the time someone asked why he doesn't smile so the next day he went around the room giving a forced smile to every individual student#he was so fucking funny for that. hilarious motherfucker with a stone deadpan delivery that went over a lot of the 13 year olds' heads#wait this post was about the brobecks let's reign it in#yeah uh. i can't remember any of the songs they played now. the whole thing is slipping out of my brain but it was a nice dream
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*
#re: that previous post i reblogged bc i'm having thoughts and feelings and didn't want to scar the op in the tags but#one thing that i (as a lifelong semi-lapsing catholic) am super confused about re: catholic culture#is that on the one hand you have the whole no-divorce thing#but THEN on the other#long engagements are sort of frowned upon???#like i remember in high school i was in a nun-run youth group and there was this couple#that broke up after being together for a number of years#and the nun that ran the group was like “should've gotten marriiiiied! then this wouldn't have happened!”#(this is the same nun that had some... questionable opinions about dv let's put it that way)#and then Someone I Know also told me that their ideal way of finding a partner would be to go on CHAPERONED!!! DATES!!!#for A COUPLE OF WEEKS!!!#and then get married asap (?!?!?!? quiverfull nonsense mayhaps?!?!)#like i simply don't understand it#i mean sure chastity etc etc believe me I KNOW but#this is a person you're supposed to spend DECADES with#you can't get to know someone in a matter of weeks#apologies to my tumblr friends romans countrymen for broadcasting my psychospiritual crisis again i love u all
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i need weed. i need a medical card so bad or im gonna go out of my fuckign GOURD
#speak friend and enter#let me preface this by saying that im doing everything in my power to not let mental illness wipe its greasy hands on me#however. im insane in the membrane and i can feel myself slipping back into lunatic mode#i have to go for an mri next week and i genuinely don't know if i can do it. i am so fucking terrified you have no idea#i'll spare y'all the grisly details but i was chronically ill as a kid (and not just like sick a lot it was touch and go there for a bit)#and as a result of certain procedures i had to undergo to abate the aforementioned chronic illness#i developed ptsd that manifests as an irrational but obscenely debilitating fear of hospitals#like i can't go in a hospital without having a psychotic episode. like clinically i just can't do it#but as part of my yearly post-whatever care i have to get imaging done and this year that entails an mri and. im just scared#i spent a significant portion of my time immediately post ptsd symptom presentation believing that my doctors were trying to kill me#like for sport. like i thought there was some larger deep state esque plan in place to enact further medical barbarism upon me for giggles#and obviously you and i both know that's a delusion with no basis in reality but that doesn't mean i can stop myself from believing it.#it's like a word-of-god thing. i know logically that it's not true but there's a voice in my head screaming 'they want to flay you alive'#and i am currently between therapists and also unmedicated bc my last therapist was too focused on inner child work#to give me the prozac and weed card i really need#like that's great that you think healing my inner child will solve this but my inner child is covered in her own viscera. can we pivot mayb#but anyway for the moment im just wallowing in my own fear and im doubly scared bc im finding myself falling into rabbit holes again#like empirically the worst thing that's gonna happen as a result of this mri is that they're gonna say i have to have another surgery#and the technology has advanced to a point where its way less invasive than what ive had previously#but the constant dull roar of my thoughts about the whole deal is just. increasingly delusional nonsense#and not to be overly morbid or anything but i decided a long time ago that if i ever had to be admitted to the hospital again i would rathe#well you know. and i don't wanna die. honestly i don't. but the idea of wading through that particular brand of hell again is torture#and im not gonna kill myself. im not. ive been working on that impulse for a long time and i don't want to undo all of that work#but im scared and i dont wanna spend the rest of my life in n out of the hospital or as a substance-abusing recluse. is that so much to ask#i want to fix this. i do. i don't wanna live in a hole anymore as fantastic mr fox would say. but the horrors persist#and i often find myself increasingly unable to cope. hence why i need the weed#anyway i'll be fine. eventually. i hope. but in the meantime i do want to say i appreciate you all. i mean it#i tend to regard myself (fairly or otherwise) as difficult to get along with in real life so despite the fact that i don't talk w y'all muc#i do appreciate y'all being there and making me feel like more of a person than i feel like i am lately <3
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I've been doing interludes lately (as you do during an interlude campaign) and the gap in quality and character analysis is insane sometimes. I did Qsh and Nezha's back to back and... Night and day over here. Qsh's was so charming and showed me a new side of my beloved moth, as well as some really cute gap moe moments. Nezha's was boring, hardly focussed on them at all, and made the same tired jokes about their gender over and over... Even the blurb on their profile you get after it's complete does it orz
#also the writing for Nezha's was like... bad. it felt stiff and didn't flow at all#not the content (though that was bad also) the actual writing#i went to read that one specifically because i was curious about what Nezha's pronouns were orz...#because im hot overly familiar with them and the one thing i do recall about them is when we first meet them-#they remark on how their body isn't what they expected and are... upset i believe? it was a while ago aha...#i just recall them pretty distinctly not being cool with the fact they have a female body now#i wanted to know if they came arpund to itor if they wanted to be refered to as a man but okay#tasteless jokes about how gender makes them uncomfortable is fine to i guess#anyway! for now until further notice i guess Nezha is stuck with the old reliable they/them because genuinely i have no idea how they feel#i know their profile uses she/her but... pretty sure Mordred's does that as well and he obviously doesn't use those#whatever i guess!! don't know why i expected an even remotely nuances take from fgo who cares lets talk about my moth!!!#i love how they have a whole backup plan in case we fail like yes king restart SIN you're a genius babygirl 💕#seriously so cute i love them#i dunno if i can resist grailing them to 100 next tiem we have an ember campaign#i put it off so far since i dont use them much gameplay wise but... moth good#these tags got away from me woops#game: fate grand order#post: chatter#sorry about the typos that I'm sure are there btw I'm on mobile and you can't re-edit tags without retyping them yet...
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Hiatus the Nth: It Keeps Happening
Hey look! I only fell off the face of the Earth for four months instead of seven!! :,,,D
So I'm still dealing with the same thing I was four months ago, and it's obviously taken its toll on the updates. The bad thing is that we've still got at least two to three months more of no updates (until June and/or July, with both their Arc Number Days exploding forever probably), BUT the good thing is that even if shit goes sideways for me then (fingers crossed it Doesn't orz) we Might be looking to a return of the updates anyways, because I've managed to find a way to stop working on everything but the Thing I Really Need To Fucking Finish Already- and so I Have to cling to the habit of Doing The Thing like it's a speeding train, But it's getting done enough that I might not have to hyperfocus on it forever by then.
In short: Reasonably likely chances of update sometime around/after late July, at the latest.
#mirrorbent#mbannouncements#figured i should whip up a post about the utter update dearth. since i entered mirrored bench into the mspfa poll#so yeah! mbent was sadly punted into the backburner not that long after the last update#and it's going to have to stay there for a while longer :(#the whole getting that 'I Can't Believe It's Not ADHD*' thing looked at didn't go as well as i expected. Obviously.#*Or Some Other Executive Function Debuff but it's looking very 'quacks like a duck' to me#even though i could probably use this very blog as proof. el drama es encontrar A Quien enseñárselo xdxd.#anyway. let's hope i get out of this hell rut! Let's Hope We All Get Out Of Our Hell Ruts.
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Heylo my maggotsies... I'm sorry to do this but I have a thing that I really, really need to do (thank you Ash for helping me realise that) but I'm terrified to. so well. I'm going to make one of the posts (Neil reblogged me a couple of days ago so I feel pretty safe making one now since he only lurks by once in two weeks so this is as good a time as it gets to make a post and not expect many notes, yes I'm an overthinker and I'm actually scared of this getting notes).
Sigh. Here goes.
...I'm scared of even typing it.
Nope okay I can do this let's go.
If this post gets 1k notes, I'll look up jobs in design and film making that don't need a college degree.
2k notes, I'll sign up for an Alliance Francaise course so I can have another language on my CV, and I'll find a course that teaches me how to use design software.
5k, I'll look up distance learning alternatives, because just talking about physical college yesterday made me spend the whole morning and afternoon today in and out of nightmares screaming. Fuck.
10k, I'll tell my mum that I can't do the offline college. She's been talking to me about it, but I've been dodging because I'm not well-off and I really need to be earning and idk how to do that without college and I feel so guilty.
15k, I'll officially back out from the college (does that count as dropping out, if it hasn't begun? maybe half. i am a college and a half dropout, my 11th grade self would hate me and my 10th grade self would refuse to believe it).
I don't know what I'll do then. I don't know how to live as trans here in India, I don't know how to earn enough to be able to help my family, I don't know what I'm good at and I'm so fucking terrified. But. I spoke to @random-doctor-on-the-internet last night (I love you Ash you're such a fucking amazing human) and they made me realise that well maybe landing in a hospital with steroids to relieve an allergy attack because of exam stress isn't normal and so.
Well. Here I am. I know I can't do it, but I'm scared to risk everything, it's just not something people do here, dropping out. But also (TW s**cide statistics mentioned below the cut)... And so I've just. Got to do it, got to save myself and say no to college (cue say no to school, kids joke). Somehow be brave enough. And yeah.
To quote a financial express article: "In an alarming situation, a total of 7,62,648 suicides were reported in India between 2018 to 2022, Of this student suicides account for 7.6% at 59,239". Maybe if more people did say fuck you to the system here, that wouldn't be the case. That number could have been 59,240 (aside from everyone who wasn't counted and hushed up), that could have been me, and I don't want to put myself in that situation again. You know? Yeah.
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brains are so dumb why cant i forgive myself for being cringe and saying stupid shit at age 18. Get Over Yourself it's not a big deal and it's not a moral failing to be embarrassing
#it's so silly i was a kid who had just been thru the roughest year of their life and had barely even Begun processing that#with friends who made me feel like i deserved it and who mocked and shamed me for setting boundaries#why am i so harsh on that kid when i should be proud that they even lived through it#i was a hurting baby. i'm still a hurting baby. victoria forgive yourself#have some compassion for yourself and dont feel guilty for thinking you deserve at least that much#because that Is what my brain just did. i thought 'oh i deserve compassion' and my brain said 'but what if that's selfish?' No!!!#silly!!! everyone deserves compassion!!! i believe that so why can't i apply it to myself?#anyway i suppose it's 4am. Ah#was about to apologize for the Feelings Post but i think i wont actually. See my vulnerability boy#actually while i'm here let me share one more secret#another silly one#one time last year i was leaving a grocery store and outside was a woman with a sign asking for help buying groceries#she was pregnant and had four other kids at home#i took her inside and got her rice and pork and frozen veggies and bread and a treat for the kids too#the whole time she kept saying bless you bless you#and i never told anyone about it because i didnt want to make it a thing of Oh Wow victoria Youre Suuuch a Good Person#until now. lucky you! you know my secret!#people gotta help people#anyway. snork mimimimi
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now I'm actually invested in this idea. maybe I'll write a full length fic someday idk... for now I have short hcs
parts 1 | 2 | 3 | kalim | bad ending
summary: crowley decides to "give away" yuu to the highest "donation" for financial reasons type of post: headcanons characters: all nrc students additional info: can be read as platonic or romantic, except malleus is pretty romantic, second person pov, yuu is gender neutral, maybe a little ooc I wrote this as soon as I got up
crowley has had his fair share of "what the fuck" moments from you but this was really taking the cake
he acts so... casual about it?
swaggers into ramshackle one morning and says times are tough and your personal expenses are straining the budget so he's decided to "put you in someone else's care"
"The screening process will be vigorous to make sure you end up in good hands!" like you're a cat or something "Your expenses will be covered and you'll have somewhere to go during break!"
okay great. pretty obvious you have no say in this, so you don't even argue. what's the worst that could happen?
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Ace, Deuce, Jack, and Epel find you the next day to say they're pooling their money to buy you
"To what?"
Epel shrugs. "Oh, well Crowley said we need to offer a donation to prove we're capable of supporting you..."
(you think that if not for the laws of this land you would have slaughtered that old fart)
Jack goes on a really long tirade about how shady and underhanded this is, making sure to reaffirm that he believes you should be free to make your own choices
"So you'll let me go once you get me?"
"Uhhh..."
Ace thinks once they buy you you'll have no choice but to do all of his homework for him
Deuce says that's not really how it works- and even if he tried, Riddle would kill him
(they've already gone over this twice before finding you)
Epel happily volunteers to take you home with him over breaks, probably the only positive in this mess
even if he thinks the whole thing is kind of funny
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
incapable of keeping his mouth shut, Ace accidentally spills the plan to Riddle, who is understandably aghast
you can't just give away a person under your care like a toy!
of all the irresponsible things...
of course, he'll have to put up his offer, too
purely for your sake! with a nicer room and a brand new copy of the dorm rules, maybe you'll stop getting yourself into trouble
he's got some family money (doctors, naturally) and considers this a worthwhile purchase, for his sanity and yours
of course, Trey and Cater overhear and may or may not be pooling their own cash for a chance, too
going behind Riddle's back on this is a risky venture, but hey, someone's gotta be on your side, here, right?
I mean, between a bunch of sixteen year old boys, the housewarden, and them, who would you choose?
actually don't answer that
...not that it's much of a secret, anyway. Cater's already got their gofundme equivalent link in bio
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Leona initially plans to have you become a live-in lackey like Ruggie
but then he really starts thinking- and, hey, the possibilities are endless, right?
for one, you'd make a really good pillow
he might have to kick Grim out for your full attention, but you could learn to live with that
and malleus would hate it
...that's reason enough for him
plus, he's got money to burn, so why not?
either way, he sets his bid at a reasonable (maybe too confident) price and sits back to watch the chaos unfold as everyone scrambles for a piece of the pie
news travels fast around school, after all
then Ruggie finds out that you could dethrone him as Leona's #2 and is understandably a little annoyed
that's his cushy post-grad job gig, thank you! he's worked hard for that!
besides, why should Leona get to hoard you? the guy can barely take care of himself!
so, Ruggie ends up outsourcing to a few dozen classmates for the necessary funds at a steep I-owe-you price
he's gonna be eating nothing but dandelions for a while...
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
now, Azul is annoyed
once the news goes school-wide, it's all anyone can talk about
talk about good marketing...
why didn't he think of such a brilliant scam? he could have negotiated with Crowley to have a café brand deal tie-in!
of course, he's already set his bid, with Jade and Floyd offering to pitch in as necessary
it's a risky investment, sure, but a worthwhile one
Azul tells everyone that with the prefect's "obvious" popularity, having them at the café a few nights a week would drive sales through the roof
though that's really just what he says to shirk suspicion
a likely excuse coming from him, though, really, it would just be nice having you around
and if not for his own affections, Floyd's incessant begging and Jade's subtly manipulative comments about "how nice" it would be having a new face around would be enough for him to cave eventually
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
"Kalim, no," is the first thing that Jamil says
"I strongly advise against this. It's another one of Crowley's silly scams and you could end up a target bec- are you even listening?"
hint: he is not
the second Kalim found out that he could get to take in his favorite magicless student like one of his treasures, he was all over it
(AKA infinite sleepovers)
and for what? a little optional donation to prove he's got the funds? he's got cash to spare!
he's already got your new room in Scarabia set up before he even puts his bid in
right next to his of course :)
and despite what Jamil insists, he himself might be working behind the curtain just a little to ensure he's the one who ends up with you
after all, why should Kalim get everything? this might be a valuable learning opportunity for him
You don't always get what you want
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
as much as Epel tries to keep the rest of his dorm from finding out, it's inevitable
he's actually a little surprised that the news didn't get to Vil sooner
with Rook around campus, surely he must have said something...
when Vil does find out, though, he just sighs
oh, of course. what next, will everyone meet each other in the arena and fight to the death over the prefect?
of all the silly, immature things...
oh? what's that? he's bidding anyway? of course he is, silly potato. he can't have some unwashed miscreant making you sleep on polyester bedding
(really, he's the only person on campus worthy of your time)
Rook has also been mysteriously absent from the dorm lately, though his initials on a poem and a strangely large sum of money end up in the donation pile
but really, that could be anyone... Rook would never dare betray Vil again, right?
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Ortho finds out directly from the other first years and sends Idia the details immediately
with a little note of encouragement, of course: "could be excellent for improving your social skills!"
Idia understandably freaks out
"WTF!!!! nooo way! this is a person, not a chatbot we're talking about here! I can barely keep virtual pets alive!!!!"
(liar)
(...but this is still different)
the conversation ends there, but semi-anonymous bid from someone named "gloomurai" gets cashapp'd directly to crowley
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
everyone in the room immediately turns to Malleus
"For the record, I think it's wrong to be bargaining over a human being," Silver says first. "But if anyone could handle it with grace, it's you."
Lilia laughs. "Oh, you're just saying that because you like the prefect so much!"
"Father, you're the one who likes the prefect so much,"
"Oh, right! carry on then. After all, I'm sure we could share,"
Sebek is the only one relatively against the idea, though Lilia luckily manages to get him to lower his voice after his third speech about how you aren't good enough for his liege
Malleus is rather quiet through the whole evening, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with any of the points made
he disappears for a short while, and when he comes back he seems a little more confident
though, of course, he goes to you first
seeing him at Ramshackle in the middle of the night is a familiar and welcoming sight after all of the chaos of your week
and he's in a great mood!
"Child of man! I've come with news," he says. "I have heard of your predicament and have come up with a solution!"
you immediately sulk. "Oh, no. You know I think this whole thing is terrible, right?"
"Yes, Silver mentioned you might not like the idea of being bought and sold like a trinket. But worry not, I do not plan on paying for you in money,"
you pause, at a loss for words, and then tentatively continue. "You're not...?"
"Of course not. What a primitive idea, I was baffled to hear it myself. My proposal will be more traditional: a modest sum of treasure, and a generous amount of livestock and the finest crop Briar Valley can offer,"
certainly he's not this naive, you think
"You really think Crowley is going to accept that over money? I'm pretty sure Kalim just bid away an entire country's worth,"
he laughs. "You speak as if this is some kind of business deal! I'm quite confident that my dowry will be best,"
huh. that was a strange way of putting it
but then again, you still didn't really understand how things work here, so you go along with it
and you allow yourself to relax. he seems confident in his offer, and he doesn't even see you as some kind of prize to win!
"Oh, well, alright. Thanks! I'm glad you're on it,"
he smiles. "Rest assured, child of man, you're in good hands. My dowry will far outshine the others, and the wedding will be even better,"
"I was honestly getting a little nervous for a momen- wait- wedding!?"
#twst x reader#shall I tag everyone even though this is pretty short... idk might as well#ace trappola x reader#deuce spade x reader#jack howl x reader#epel felmier x reader#riddle rosehearts x reader#trey clover x reader#cater diamond x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#ruggie bucchi x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#floyd leech x reader#jade leech x reader#kalim al asim x reader#jamil viper x reader#vil schoenheit x reader#rook hunt x reader#idia shroud x reader#lilia vanrouge x reader#malleus draconia x reader#idk if I should tag silver and sebek they're barely in it 😔#that's enough tags anyway
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Kim's itchy trigger finger
So, Kim reaches for his gun often. Very often. sometimes for the most ridiculous reasons- opening the bear fridge, the experiment in the church, a note from Klaasje.
This one is just from being anxious going into the communist reading group. Kim doesn't want to be the kind of cop who draws his gun constantly, who shoots instinctively, but he is, or at the very least it's very difficult for him to stop himself from becoming one.
Perhaps the most horrifying example is with The Pigs-
Even if he KNOWS the gun isn't loaded, even if he knows it's safe, the instinctual muscle twitch could have ended in an unnecessary death. Kim is very well aware of that fact, and it's horrifying to him. @shufflerock-jam has this really good post about it, where they wonder how many of Kim's kills were unnecessary. "Something about a pair of traumatized cops, one fighting against shooting himself and one fighting against shooting everyone else".
At the end of The Pigs exchange, if Harry says she tried to kill him, Kim begins to interject, but stops himself and agree this situation could've been very bad. Then Empathy chimes in- 'He's trying not to think about how bad it could have been had the gun been loaded.' Which is the heart of the issue, right? that leads us to Eyes-
This is such a fascinating background to give Kim as a character- not just losing his partner, which gives him the trauma and survivor's guilt that lead to this unhealthy relationship with his gun and frankly with death in general, but losing his Eyes, and having that not interfere with his shooting. Kim doesn't need to see well to hit, he doesn't need to think. It's all in his hands, a reflex. A reflex that nearly took an innocent life. That might have taken one before.
His awareness of looming danger, to him and to his partner, is fueling his version of Hand/Eye Coordination to have him constantly on edge, his whole body is like a loaded spring, always prepared to make sure it doesn't happen again. Then it does-
In his nightmare scenario, leaning over his partner's bleeding body, Kim only needs one word to shoot without a second's hesitation. He's never not ready to take that shot. He doesn't need his Eyes.
Harry is distraught to discover he's killed before- his body remembers it. He wants a drink to soften the feeling. Kim however is impressed with how little he's killed- especially coming from the bloody murder unit. He wants to be 'one of the good ones' (Kim's adamant belief in the possibility of a Good Cop is a whole other can of worms) the kind of cop he would think highly of. Kim is disgusted by cops who kill like it's a game. Espirit gives us a vision of a cop exactly like that, who kills so often it doesn't feel like anything anymore. In a way that is completely mechanical- no thought, no feelings, just a thing your body does. Not unlike the way Kim shoots- like a spring unloaded. Kim has 6 confirmed kills before the tribunal, double the amount Harry has. He doesn't react the same way though-
It's doesn't bother Kim that he has killed, even if he declines to elaborate on it, and he seems to frown upon (or worry about) Harry's destructive coping mechanism. If they're unable to save Ruby, he says "Control your emotions. We did our job. This won't be the worst thing that happens on this case… believe me. You can't let this break you." When you wake up after the tribunal, he doesn't dwell on the lost lives on either side. Harry's skills call him a killer, a bloodstained killer, but when he tells Kim he also killed he simply nods. He's smoking though. I'm not saying that Kim is heartless or careless, he's rattled by nearly blowing The Pigs' head off, very sorry for the lives lost during the case, and clearly hunted by death, having been surrounded by it for his entire life. But I do think death is a part of the job for him- not just possible civilian causalities, but his own potential death. He speaks plainly about how he might die in the lie of duty, and he narrowly avoided it more than once, with others dying in his place..
He walked into the line of fire with harry expecting for of them to die, and his quick fingers on the trigger made it so they lived another day. Even if more ghost joined the list that hunts him in his sleep, he is alive. He goes on. He can't afford to fix this habit, as much as he wants to.
So it's so horrible and so touching that when Dros asks "What have you done?" Kim says-
It's a tragedy, really. A wartime orphan who wanted to be a revolutionary pilot and played with Franconigerian knights, who grew up to be a cop, a job that slowly shapes his body into a killing machine. And when you ask what he does, what you both do, he says keep people alive.
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#harry du bois#disco Elysium meta#de#de analysis#de meta#this is so long and i'm sure it's been done a dozen times before but i'm new here and i can't stop thinking about it#goddamn this game#🏺#juha.txt
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