#I can’t purge you or get rid of our memories or stop thinking of you

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[wilwheaton]

The Purge.

Earlier this year, I made some significant and substantial changes to my life, continuing the process of growth and reflection that I started when I quit drinking almost four years ago. (Sidebar: it's remarkable how much clarity I got, and shocking how much pain I was self medicating for so much of my life. I'm so grateful for the love and support of my friends, my wife, and my kids, who supported me when it was clear that I needed to get alcohol out of my life. Be honest with yourself: if you're self medicating emotional pain and/or childhood trauma like I was, give some serious consideration to working on the root issues you're using booze to avoid. I'm so much happier and healthier since I quit, and that's almost entirely because I was able to confront, head on, why I was so sad and hurting so much of the time. I'm not the boss of you, but if you need a gentle nudge to ask for help, here it is: nudge.)

Anyway.

As I was cleaning up my emotional baggage, working on strategies to protect myself from my abusers, and practicing mindfulness daily, I realized that I had a ton of STUFF just sitting around my house, cluttering up my physical living space the way my emotional trauma and pain was cluttering up my emotional space. So I made a call, and hired a professional organizer to come to my house, go through all my bullshit with me, and help me get rid of all the things I didn't need any more.

This process was, in many ways, a metaphor.

We spent several days going through my closets, my game room, my storage spaces in my attic and shed, and eventually ended up with FIVE TRUCKLOADS of stuff I didn't need. Most of it was clothes and books and things that we donated to shelters, which was really easy to unload. I acquire T-shirts so much, I regularly go through my wardrobe and unload half of what I have, so it's easy to get rid of stuff without any emotional attachments.

But there were some things that were more difficult to get rid of, things that represented opportunities I once had but didn't pursue, things that represented ideas that I was really into for a minute, but didn't see through to completion, things that seemed like a good idea at the time but didn't really fit into my life, etc.

I clearly recall giving away a TON of electronic project kits to my friend's son, because he's 11, he loves building things, and he'll actually USE the stuff I bought to amuse myself while I tried to make a meaningful connection to my own 11 year-old self, who loved those things back then too. When I looked at all of these things, I had to accept and admit that 47 year-old me isn't going to make that connection through building a small robot, or writing a little bit of code to make a camera take pictures. I can still connect to that version of myself, but I do it now through therapy, through my own writing, my own meditation. For the longest time, I didn't want to let these things go, because I felt like I was giving up on finding that connection I was seeking, but what I didn't realize (and didn't know until I made the decision to let it go) was that I didn't need STUFF to recover something I'd lost and wanted to revisit.

I think that, by holding on to these kits and similar things, I was trying to give myself the opportunity to explore science and engineering and robotics in a way that young me was never given. Just about everything I wanted to do, that I was interested in when I was 11, was pushed aside, minimized, and sort of taken away from me by my parents. My dad made fun of everything I liked, and my mom made me feel like the only thing I should care about was the pursuit of fame and celebrity. Without parental support and encouragement, I never got the chance to find out if any of these other things would be interesting enough to me to think about pursuing them in higher education. Yes, for some reason, even when I was a really small kid, I was already thinking about where and when I would go to college. I never took even a single class, because I was so afraid of so many things when I was college age, but that's its own story, for another time.

As we went through just piles and piles of bullshit, it got easier and easier to just mark stuff for donation. That drone I used to fly for fun, that I kinda sorta told myself would eventually be used to film something I wrote? Get rid of it, that's never gonna happen. The guitar I kinda played a little bit when I was a teenager, but never really learned how to play properly? Give it to someone who is going to love it and play it so much, it lets them express their creativity in ways I was never able to. All those books I bought to make me a better poker player? Gone. All the books I bought to learn how to program in Python, Perl, Java, and even that old, used, BASIC book I picked up because I thought it would be fun to finally write that game I always dreamed about when I was ten? Give them all to someone who is actually going to *do* that, instead of just think about it.

It was, at first, really hard to get rid of this stuff, because I felt like I was admitting to myself that, even though I *could* paint all these minis (like I did when I was a teenager), even though I *could* study all of these books on Python and Arduino hacking, and probably make something kind of cool with that knowledge, I was never going to. I came to realize that having these things was more about holding on to the *possibility* that they represented. It was more about maintaining a connection to some things that once made me really happy. When I was a kid, I LOVED copying Atari BASIC programs out of a magazine and playing the games that resulted, because it was an escape from my father's bullying and my mother's neediness. When I was a teenager, I LOVED the time I spent (badly) painting Space Marines and Chaos Marines, because it gave me an escape from everything that was so hard about being me when I was 14. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I spent hundreds of hours trying to learn the same five songs on the guitar, never mastering a single one of them. My time would have been much more wisely invested in learning the scales and chords that I declared were more boring than picking my way through the tablature for Goodbye Blue Sky.

And that all brings me to the thing that was simultaneously the hardest and most obvious thing to donate: all my Rock Band gear.

Did you know that the first Rock Band, which I and my kids and my friends played for literally a thousand hours, came out twelve years ago? Beatles Rock Band is a decade old this year. Rock Band 3 is ten years old, too.

I hadn't played Rock Band in almost five years when my friend asked me what I wanted to do with all these plastic guitars, both sets of pretend drums, and all the accessories that were stacked up neatly in the corner of my gameroom.

But a decade ago, Anne and I would send the kids off to their biodad's house, or to their friends' for a sleepover, have some beers, and play the FUCK out of Rock Band, almost every Saturday night. My god, it was so much fun for us to pretend that we were rocking all over the world, me on the drums, Anne on the vocals. Frequently, we'd get the whole family together to play, and we'd spend an entire evening pretending to be on tour together, blasting and rocking our way through the Who, Boston, Green Day, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Dead Kennedys, and others. It brought us all closer together, and was incredibly valuable for our bonding, at a time when we really needed that.

And I was holding onto all these things, these fake plastic guitars and who even knows how many gigs of DLC, because I didn't want to lose my connection to those days. Part of me hoped that we'd all get together and play again, like we did when my kids were in their teens, like I would when I hosted epic Rock Band parties at Phoenix Comicon, or PAX, back before the world was on fire.

But when I looked at those things, neatly stacked up and untouched except by dust for years, I knew that we weren't going to play again, and that I didn't need these things in my house to validate the memories.

Back in those days, when Ryan and I would spend an entire Saturday afternoon and evening trying to complete the Endless Setlist on Expert (we never did, but we got to Green Grass and High Tides more than once), real musicians would smugly tell us that we were having fun the wrong way, that we should be learning REAL instruments instead of pretending to have already mastered them. I would always argue that the whole POINT of Rock Band was the fantasy. Can you imagine telling a 100 pound kid that he should be playing real football instead of Madden? Of course not, and yet.

But it kinda turns out that some of those smug musicians were right. As I packed up those plastic fake guitars and drum kits, put them into the truck with my real guitar, I had a small twinge of regret, that I had been focused on the fantasy, instead of developing a skill that I could still use today (the last time I attempted Rock Band, maybe four years ago, I couldn't get through a single song on Hard, much less Expert. My skills had faded, and it wasn't worth the effort to restore them). And then I stopped myself, because that's EXACTLY the kind of thinking that stopped me from following my dreams when I was a kid. What was important to me ten years ago, what's still important to me today, was the time I spent with my wife, with my kids, with our family, with my friends, pretending that we were something we weren't. We were doing something together, and that is what matters. Today, I can't recall anything specific about all the nights Anne and I played, though I know we worked our way through hundreds of songs together. But I can clearly recall how much fun it was.

Ryan and I still talk about the time I accidentally turned the Xbox off, when I meant to just power down my toy guitar, after we'd been trying to play the Endless Setlist on Expert for five hours.

Over the years, I had accumulated all this stuff that I was unwilling to let go of, because I felt like that would also mean letting go of the memories that were associated with those things. I felt like getting rid of things without following through on their intended use was admitting defeat, or being a quitter.

But after a year or so of daily, intense, therapy and reflection, after ending contact with toxic and abusive people who were exerting tremendous control over me, these things stopped being the keys to unopened doors, and they just became THINGS that I had to constantly move around to get them out of my way. Because I didn't need them anymore. I didn't need to pain minis like I did when I was 15, because I'm not 15. I'm not living with an abuser and his enabler. I'm not working for a producer who makes it clear to me at every opportunity that he owns me and has complete control over whether or not I'll have a film career.

I didn't need ANY of these things, and once I realized that, unloading them and getting them to people who DO need them felt as freeing and empowering as writing a goodbye letter.

I kept a few things that were still useful, or brought me joy. Books, mostly, and of course all my dice and games. It felt GOOD to admit that I'm never going to learn guitar, or build an Arduino-controlled anything. It felt GOOD and empowering to know that I'm a writer. I get my joy and explore my possibilities through storytelling and character development. THAT is what I love, and by getting rid of all this old stuff (and its emotional baggage) I created space in my life to be the person I am now, a person I love, in a life that is amazing.

I still have some emotional clutter, which is to be expected and isn't a big deal. The really cool thing is that I have physical and emotional space, now, to deal with it.

[blahblahwritings]

Contracts and Captains. - IV

A/N: Remember how I posted something before one of my other fics saying that I had been consistently updating for weeks? Neither do I lmao who was she? Don’t know her anyway heres the fourth chapter of this black sails fic.

Words: 1823. Honestly I’ve been writing this since about 12pm I don’t know how its so short and its probably shit bc I haven’t written anything in months.

Warnings: Mentions of vomit as per the last chapter. Think thats it lmao. See you in three months.

As your eyes opened, there were a blissful couple of seconds where the previous night’s encounter didn’t exist in your memory. But, just like the sun flooding the room, unwanted flashes of vomit and slurred words rose like a tidal wave in your minds eye. You rolled over, burying your face and groaning into the pillow out of sheer embarrassment as a dull throbbing started in the depths of your skull. 

Why did you keep drinking? You could’ve simply had one or two before retiring for the night and you wouldn’t have met that boatswain or thrown up on your own boots. What was his name again? Ben? Boyd? No, they weren’t quite right. Either way you made a mental note to apologise again whenever you next saw him. 

Slowly, you tugged your still clothed limbs from the thin sheets, trying not to jostle your stomach too much for fear of whatever was left in there making an unwelcome appearance. Your pants were scuffed from where you took a tumble outside the tavern, your shirt was half undone, probably from a failed attempt to undress before not-so-gracefully falling into bed. A single boot was thrown on the floor alongside your coat, the other still stuck on your foot. What a mess. 

A hot bath, that's what you needed, and a hearty breakfast if your insides don’t bring it back up. Pulling on the other boot, you made your way to one of the girls working downstairs, trading her coin to fill the tub in your room. You must’ve looked rough as you passed her to get to the man at the bar because when he turned to look at you, his brows shot up, disappearing behind his hair. 

“You look like you could use a little hair of the dog, love.” He chuckled, eyes scanning your disheveled form. A grimace was your immediate response. “Some food then.” He offered, filling a bowl with something that you didn’t stop to look at as you practically inhaled it. The man watched you with a knowing smirk and had you not felt so terrible you’d have spat out a snarky comment. You chose to gulp down your water instead.

“Thank you.” You huffed with a small nod, tossing some money on the counter before you headed back upstairs. The state you were in just added to this morning's growing list of regrets but you weren’t quite sure if you cared how you looked to anyone else right now. All that was on your mind was a piercing headache and a good soak.

Stripping off, you stepped into the water, sinking down slowly as your body got used to the heat. Finally, with a heavy sigh, you rested your head on the back of the tub, your aching muscles beginning to relax. Scented oils and soaps were left on a stand by the bath. Working a generous amount between your palms, you massaged your limbs and torso getting rid of any tension and purging the memories of last night’s… festivities. In the quiet of your room, you took a moment to trace the small scars that littered your form, fingers landing at last on the freshly healed knife wound from only a few weeks ago. The soft pink flesh was still tender, and if you moved the wrong way it would ache. It was dangerous to be alone on this island, in this line of work. You needed friends, not just contacts. A crew, perhaps. 

Letting your mind wander, you thought about your new found place among Flint’s men. You had to keep bringing in leads to be of any value to him, lest you risk being tossed aside and left in the dirt. He and his crew were among the most revered on the island, therefore cementing your part in that would bring security. It would ensure that other crews would leave you alone, as you were important to someone they feared and the consequences of harming you could be severe. 

Then again, there was a little more than security on your list of perks as you thought more about the taller man from last night. He was kind to you, not that the others weren’t having bought your drinks and all, but, he made sure you were safe and fed. Billy Bones. You recalled. Replaying the meeting in your head, you winced at the slurred introduction and the puking soon after. Why did you care about how he saw you? Was it because he was the crew’s boatswain or because he was handsome and softer than most pirates you’d met. 

Catching that last thought, you shook it from your head, refusing to let it take root in your brain. Attachments like that are a weakness here and you cannot afford to have those. You’d only met the guy once and he probably didn’t want anything to do with you anyway, especially after that drunken show you gave him. Cupping a handful of water, you splashed your face, scrubbing any further thoughts of the man from your head, instead, choosing to focus on finding a new lead for Flint. 

They would be leaving to chase down the details you gave him yesterday in a couple of days, if not sooner, which meant you probably had around two weeks to find something of substance upon their return. You’d struggled last time but after sending out letters to old friends in neighbouring ports, you were hopeful something would turn up. 

Padding your way to the dresser, you pulled out some fresh clothes and got ready, feeling much better than you did even an hour before. The food had settled your stomach and the water you guzzled seemed to bring some life back into your face as when you left to go hunt down some work, the barman from earlier spouted something along the lines of ‘A whole other woman’ when you walked by.

---

An uneventful morning led to an uneventful afternoon. There were no new letters or leads and the streets were pleasantly calm compared to usual. You certainly weren’t complaining, you had been feeling better since this morning but your body was still recovering. The easy day was probably just what you needed. You were sat on the beach, sipping some water and watching passersby as you sketched in the journal you kept.

It was something you’d taken to keeping since arriving in Nassau just over two years ago. A small leather book to help keep track of potential jobs and record anything interesting that happened. Really, though, you just loved to draw. You’d already filled a couple just like it with sketches of people, ships and landscapes that caught your eye, often accompanied by your messy scrawl. You were just about satisfied with your latest addition when Mr Gates clapped you on the shoulder making you jump and slam the journal closed. You’d never shown anyone the contents before. 

“Sorry, Miss Devereux, didn’t mean to startle you.” He began, chuckling lightly at your reaction. “I heard you and the lads had quite the night..” He moved to stand by you as you got to your feet, dusting the sand from your pants. Tucking away the book, an amused smirk finds its way to your face as you look at him. 

“Depends on who you ask.” You replied. “How were they this morning? Feeling sorry for themselves?” Your brows raised in question as you both started aimlessly wandering along the shore. A snort met your ears as his head fell forwards, looking at the ground then back at you. “I didn’t see the majority of them until at least noon and they were still in a sorry state, although I wonder how you must’ve been. I heard that you hurled your guts up right after meeting our boatswain.” Gates mused, eyes crinkling as he watched your entire face turn a lovely shade of red. You tried to keep your cool but your expression faltered into one of sheer embarrassment. Apparently, this was hilarious as Mr Gates exploded into a fit of hearty laughter, and as much as you told him to stop you couldn’t help but have a good chuckle yourself as you covered your face with a half-sandy palm at the thought.

When you both regain your composure, he gives you a reassuring pat on the back.

“Don’t worry, the only people who know are Billy and myself, the men still think you can hold your drink.” He winked. You made a move to argue that you could in fact hold your drink but he began talking about the plan to set sail the day after tomorrow. You listened intently and explained that you were awaiting correspondence from friends in other ports to supply more promising leads upon their return. 

---

It had been four days since the crew left in search of another haul using your most recent information. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened, you’d made some money here and there through smaller jobs and pickpocketing but overall, there was nothing of real interest. You spent the days reading anything you could get your hands on or drawing and you’d even had your eye on some paints in one of the markets, but all you could do was wait. Checking for mail at the front desk of the inn you were staying at every morning had become a routine, desperate for any work or ships that you could relay to Flint. It was on the fifth day that you had gotten a response from someone in Port Royal.

As you read over the letter for the third time, you could feel your eyes widen in disbelief, your heart hammered in your chest and you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding. This was far too good to be true. Surely this was a myth. A prize of this magnitude was simply unheard of. Your eyes scanned over the paper again, barely able to focus on the words because your hands were trembling so violently. Calm down. You told yourself. It can’t be the truth. You thought as you stared at the other envelope that had arrived alongside it. At the bottom of the letter it read:

“P.S

Should you doubt my information, I sent you the correspondence shared between the dead man and the merchant with evidence pertaining to this gold. Best not ask how it came into my possession.

Your dear friend,

Josiah.”

You ran to shut the windows to your room and close the drapes. If anyone found out you had this information and the evidence to go with it, you would surely be killed for it. Tearing open the paper, you unfolded its contents. It was all here. The initials of the merchant, R.P., details alluding to the existence of this gold and the name of the dead man involved in plotting the course it would be on. 

Vasquez.

[merlinmeta]

1. What are your thoughts on the very concept of dragonlords? The concept of dragonlords being capable of subjugating the wills of a sentient species is such a severe violation of individual autonomy to me. 2. Any fic recs that address character development (Arthur's in particular) and morality? Specifically, where Arthur's character arc is not because 'I need to change the law to protect my best friend' but because he's an individual capable of self-reflection and critical thought? Thank you!

First off, I'm not the right person to ask for fic recs. When I was doing most of my reading (aka during the show itself and a few years after--so maybe 5 years ago at this point), I wasn't keeping track of what I had or hadn't read, didn't use the AO3 bookmark function at all, and just blasted through any rec blogs and all the "magic reveal" tags to binge as much fic as possible. I've read a LOT of fic...but my memory of titles and authors is garbage, so even if I have read a fic that fits what you're looking for, I probably can't find it. I can give you my fic rec page, but tbh off the top of my head, I don't remember if any of these match your interests.

(....I just remembered that what you said is kind of exactly the plot of my fic The Right Thing, but it is a) not very long, b) not at all complete, and c) possibly-probably never going to be truly complete, so enter at your own risk.)

With that said, DRAGONLORDS.

To be honest, I love the concept of dragonlords--but I think we're looking at them in different ways. I never really thought about the "subjugation" aspect that much, maybe because we don't see it used or abused extensively in the show? Like, Merlin certainly bosses Kilgharrah around sometimes (to get him to stop rampaging, to leave, to come when called, to help when he's reluctant) but I guess...I never really tied those instances directly to the concept of "dragonlord" itself, if that makes sense. To me, in the context of canon, "subjugation" is something a dragonlord can do, but it's not what being a dragonlord is.

Outside of the context of canon, I’d probably get rid of the “subjugation” ability anyway. You’re right, it’s pretty morally shifty, and on top of that, it’s just not interesting to me at all. (I would also get rid of that bullshit “passed from father to son” rule, or rephrase it as “passed from parent to child” instead because seriously?? There is no WAY dragon magic is a dudes-only club, nuh-uh, absolutely not, unacceptable.) I’m much more interested in dragonlords as a subset of magic users whose language, magic, culture, beliefs, etc are inextricably linked to dragons, and vice versa. In pre-Purge times, I like to imagine them as partners, protectors, keepers of lore--really leaning into the “kinship” angle that the show tried to play, but like, way more heavily than they ever did outside the “Aithusa” episode. 

So picture this: Dragons are incredibly powerful, an ancient race of beings who tend to see humans as insignificant and lesser, short-lived to the point of irrelevance. They do not play by our rules, they do not fight our wars, they do not share our values, they rarely deign to speak our language. And they are impossible for the average warrior or average sorcerer to defeat. For many people, that makes them unknowable and dangerous. But then there are the Dragonlords--who draw their magic from the same source as dragons, and so know how to counter and defeat them; who have learned to speak their language and be heard as equals; who understand what drives each species, and can negotiate peace between them, settling disputes with minimal bloodshed. Working alongside dragons for generations and generations, sharing in their knowledge and magic, Dragonlords become trusted as kin; they become dragon as much as they are human. 

I don’t know how the Purge would happen with this setup--hell, I don’t even know how the Purge was possible with the canon concept of dragons/dragonlords/magic in general. Maybe as the societal attitudes toward magic shift, dragonlords become less and less trusted by both humans and dragons alike, leading to them shifting allegiances instead of remaining neutral, betraying their dragon kin to protect their legal/political/social standing in human society as their friends and neighbors slowly turn against them??

But whatever, this is just MY take on what the concept of “dragonlord” entails. I hope it’s a satisfying answer for you!

[mindwideopen]

Ok, have they invented this neutralizer yet?! For those of you not familiar with the movie men in Black, this gadget that tommy lee Jones is holding is a machine that when activated, causes you to immediately forget the last experience you had. And I can use this gadget in my life. Matter of fact, I’m in dire need of it. There are a lot of memories in my life, that I need to get rid of. Purge. Release. Let go. How?

So when you think of a memory, you reactivate the feeling you felt when it first occurred. So I pose this question, to myself; how do I forget, memories that hurt, and don’t serve me anymore? A huge conundrum. Because I haven’t been able to figure it out yet. I still get sucked into the same trap I always do: Victimization.

I, am a victim, of my own thoughts. My focus is ass sometimes, depending on my mood, and where I allow my mind to go with said mood. For example, this morning. I woke up, and wrote about how I’ve never felt included or that I belonged. The world of entertainment is exclusive only to certain people, and I am not accepted or one of them. They are on the inside, and they blocked, deleted, dismissed, and shut the door on me. The end. Ok, sure. Here’s the proof; unemployed, no friends to collaborate with, not famous or rich, and people are abondoning me like flies that fly away from shit after they’ve had their fill. Not a good thought tragectory for success. So all I see now, is the evidence of that of which I believe.

“My shit, is better than your shit! I get paid well, to produce my shit. I feel, that YOUR shit, is inferior shit, so I will block you, even though we were contemporaries at one point in our lives. You went your way, I went mine. My shit got noticed. My shit, got accolades and awards. And your shit? Still shit. Oh, and I no longer want to be associated with YOUR shit, cause your shit, again, is shit. So later, never.”

“Oh yeah? Well my shit, isn’t a sell out to the mediocre shit that is shit! And just because you’re recognized and praised publicly for your shit, doesn’t necessarily mean that the shit you produce, is good shit. I happen to believe that your good shit, isn’t. And I’m true to my shit. At least I’m into my own shit. Your shit you sell to someone else that has the same shit going on. And shit n the shit. Shit is as shit does. So there!”

And never the 2 shits shall mix again, in the shit pile, of life. These last 2 paragraphs? Are shit. They are the energy of this: fear. Let’s break it down: indignation, judgement, separatism, more judgement, non inclusion, rash generalization, labeling, even more judgement, hate, and then.... competition, jealously, bitterness, hurt, jadedness, anger, loathing, and yes, fear.

Thank you, agent j...

On the flip side, maybe that wasn’t how we on both ends feel about one another after all, and we just believe it, due to our fears.

Agent J (played by the wonderful, will smith): ok you two, this is how this it’s now going to go down. Person being ridiculous and not in the love # 1, you say this:

“Well, i don’t think your shit is inferior to mine. I never thought that. I was rude about your shit because I felt attacked. I may not understand all your shit, and I’m usually so busy with my head up my ass looking at my own shit...”

Person not in the love being ridiculous #2, you say this:

“We all are.”

Ok, #1 say this:

“Yes, but I appreciate and value you as a person, and our opposition and shit, isn’t an issue for me anymore.”

#2 say this:

“Really? Cause I’ve always admired what you’ve done with your shit. I mean, you’ve gotten a big big platform for your shit, and that’s cool n shit. And I’m glad that we’re discussing this shit, and our collective shit, finally, cause years have gone by, and all this time I’ve been thinking that you hate me and my shit, cause I haven’t seen you in years, and we’re not in each other’s lives anymore.”

Person #1 say this:

“Really?! You don’t hate me for the success I’ve had with my shit?! I blocked you because I read your shit and I basically thought you were sour shit with your shit, kinda being shitty about me and the shit I’m all about.”

Person #2 say this:

“No, if I insulted you with my shit, I definitely didn’t mean it, and I’m glad we’re cool with the shit now.”

Both of your non loving dumb asses:

“Yeah. Shit. All this time wasted thinking shit about one another...”

Agent j. (Continued): Both, understood? Yes! Great! Go forth, in love!

Agent J, has got it down. Did you take notes? No need. All it is, is empathy, understanding, and communication it. In this case, that’s what love looks like.

There are only 2 true emotions that all emotions end up breaking down to, and those are fear, and love. Anything that doesn’t come from a loving place, is fear. “You are NOT like me.” Fear. “What you do, is not ok with me.” Also fear. Fear comes in many packages, and not all of it is immediately recognizable. But if you stop to think about it, it is about the loveless behavior we exhibit, due to our basic need to be understood, and to belong.

“Why should I belong?! Why?! If they don’t accept me, fuck em!” Fear. “She’s a complete mook! She uses terms like mook, which I judge as a racist term, but in actuality the meaning is italian slang for someone who is an idiot. Fine, she’s not a racist, but she’s judging someone as an idiot! Still hate her...” also fear. Fear runs rampant in our society right now. Hate, is real, because people believe in it’s existence, and react to it because it’s real to them. Our beliefs, create our past, current, and future reality.

So, men in black. A great trilogy of movies. Very smart, very cool, and extremely ahead of the curve as far as human evolution is concerned. They have gadgets for the things that we have control over ourselves, with our focus, and our perceptions about certain subjects. And I would like to be neutralized now, for reactivating all of my past “shit” beliefs about others, and myself. Because I now feel, like shit, having thought about all the past shit that was shit.

So, I pose this question to myself; “if you have that neutralizer machine that allows you to forget what you have just experienced, would it work on the thoughts you remember about the times you felt like shit if you reactivate the shit, by remembering it?” My husband thinks it’s different, and it wouldn’t work. He maintains that you have dragged all of your new experiences to support the old ones with you to your present when you reactivate it. I believe that if the feeling is reactivated, it’s still the same effect, shit, so instead of going back in time, and deleting the actual moment, you should be able to reactivate the feeling within yourself, and eradicate it with the neutralizer. Well, who’s right? Actually I don’t know. Cause how much of your past does it delete? 3 minutes? 10 minutes? Months? Years? There must be a setting or something. Cause in the first movie it’s a few minutes, right?? Then in the 3rd movie at the big climax I won’t give away, it’s like years. Like 3 or 4 years. So he forgot the shit. I mean he forgot everything and everyone and all the shit in between. So, at what point do you remember, what you clearly forgot? And the jump cut would be serious. You’d be like, “holy shit! I was in the shower, and now I’m sitting there eating ice cream on a park bench with some old people in a park on a sunny day and I think I looked like I could be in a karaoke video cause they ALWAYS film shit like that, and why? Cause I need to see a scene of 3 birds molting while I’m screaming“painkiller” by Judas Priest the karaoke version where it sounds like a synthesizer orchestra instead of that good hard rock shit?? And no! Both they and I ARE NOT satan worshipers, & Were also not satan his or her self because We are damn good people... shiiiiit... but wait, I shouldn’t speak for other people, so just forget that I said ANY of that shit, ok? Ok, agent j?

Agent j: yeah? (Say it in the low eddie Murphy is voice, like when he’s reeeeaaal serious n shit.)

Kari: can you delete all the shit I just said up until the point right before this entire thing I just wrote?

Agent j: no. (Say it in Eddie Murphy’s looooow voice again, the one he uses when he reaaally doesn’t want to engage in conversation with you, cause he thinks you’re a crazy witch with semi good grammar, cause I had to fix the “you’re” in “you’re a crazy witch” because autocorrect likes to make me look like I don’t include people and shit. YOU ARE, ok autocorrect?! I know what I’m trying to say! Do you? No! You don’t! So don’t change my shit! I’ll let YOU know when I want my shit changed! You better recognize n shit, witch or some shit...)

Kari: ok, fine. I’ll continue then... (sighs. Hey I tried for ya, people. Don’t say I didn’t ever do anything for ya...)...It’s just NOT not a good subject. All I can say is I love love, and all of loves peoples, which is ALL people, ok?! Cause people think orange is a political party to me, and it’s not, ok?! It’s not! It’s people who choose to be mean and crap like, alright? Cause there’s good people everywhere and why focus on the people who rip on you 24/7, cause you’re worth more than that! So yeah! I endorse my “LOVE shit! Argue with that by yourself n shit, cause I’m gonna love your mean ass regardless, ok? Cause that’s what love dictates my ass to do! Ok?! Yeah! So none of this hate shit any of your asses, ok? Cause I can’t take the shit. Any. More.... and, I love you. I also love those who chose not too, whenever that is, cause no one is 💯 in hate all the time, people are a mixed bag of moods and energies. Take this monologue for example! Good luck with THIS apple, and I love apples, and I love all people who love and hate and are indifferent to apples, therefore I love and choose all people, I engage with all inclusive energy and behavior, I celebrate differences and similarities both, I relish in the love that can be possible when people take the time to check in first with themselves, take ownership of their feelings and energy, and lead from a place of love and empathy, I care about you, and I care about others, and I care about me, as a part of the whole, and I love people, period. Love is the way, anything else is hell on earth. (takes deep breath, cause if you’re performing this monologue, you also have to read what’s in the parentheses too... so I had to make it worth performing, oh! & you better take some voice lesson or learn how to do Netherlands exercises or breathe deep from your diaphragm if you have one in or not to get waaaay down there to say all this shit in one breath, the way it’s intended to be read, or performed, cause I’m like Shakespeare’s first folio where he has a specific way to write and have you perform it with built in inflection called, “iambic pentameter” but no, I’m not Shakespeare, I’m a person seriously fucking with you, but I mean all this shit, at least the love stuff), only I’m naked and wet, cause they zapped my shit in the shower, and planted me in the park as a joke. Well, that shits not funny! Ok?! Cause I’m in a park naked with some old people lookin at my taters and my tots and my non tots in my Netherlands, ok?! So no! Don’t do that shit! Ok? No!

On second thought, we both are. Because our beliefs dictate what is real and true to us individually. So what he believes is true to him, and what I believe is true to me.

That poses another question; “how does one get on the same page with people who are not open to changing or adjusting their beliefs?” Some people are cool with not sharing the same opinions as others. “Oh well, I guess we can agree to disagree, cause I love your crazy ass regardless of our differences.” My ma and I are like that. She and I share different views on a lot of things, but we make it work, because we respect one another’s right to our beliefs, but come together, and choose to focus, on our similarities underneath it all. Do we both love? Yes. Do we both want the best for people? Yes. Do we both agree that love is a great thing to focus on? Yes. Great. Agreed. Love it is!

Love, is our neutralizer. Men in black is awesome, but in 2020, we’ve forgotten the basic principle of love. Love neutralizes the fear. Love brings us straight back together, where it feels better. Being right is great, and feeling indignation is satisfying for a few minutes, hours, months or years, but it never lasts. Love feels better. The reason why we choose to separate, is from a past hurt that we’ve experienced and have reactivated within us. I do it all the time. I find reasons to support my hypothesis that all people disrespect and disclude me. I find reasons, to stay in fear cause it feels safer not to engage.

I’m writing this for myself, as a reminder to stay open. But staying open to me, feels unsafe to people who take my openness and subsequent vulnerability for granted, and use it to their advantage. That’s another unhelpful belief I have. When you support yourself, and love you, you start to recognize that maybe people aren’t all that different from me after all. Maybe we all feel fear, and the need to protect ourselves. Makes sense. So, finding a common denominator (my son is doing math now, so I’m into that line of thought) is important not only for equations but for humanity’s interconnectedness as well. Finding common ground, and similarities, is important if you make it so. Feeling a safe place where we can agree, and all land not feeling taken, and trust is a first step to acceptance. And acceptance is a gateway to inclusion. And inclusion is a gateway to belonging. And belonging is a shared desire of all people. The feeling of love, when unrequited, hurts. So does the unrequited love we have for ourselves.

Thanks again agent j. Continually redefining ourselves, and our definition of love is very important, because we only feel the love is unrequited, when we rely on others to fill us up.

Agent j: you now believe that you are love, and have enough within yourself, for yourself, and everyone else. Now, go forth (yet again, how many times do I have to tell you this..) and LOVE dammit!

Yes. Utilizing the ability to love within ourselves eradicates all of this mess. But the bravery it takes to step out of your comfort zone to do it, that’s up to you. What do you believe? Do believe love is hard, or is it easy? Our beliefs run the show. So let’s take a look at those beliefs for a minute. How do we feel about ourselves, our lives, others, their lives, their beliefs, on and on and on. When you choose love, all of that fades into the background.

We are vibrational beings. We feel first, then think, then compare and contrast, then act. You can feel when someone is loving or not. And what we believe also dictates their supposed intention. So it’s a 2 way street. If we pay attention to how we feel, and look for love, are open to love and understanding that aids in seeing it. If you can’t get there, then choosing the next most loving thought will eventually enable you to see the more loving results in your life. But, you have to stick with it in order to witness it. And sometimes you have to really try to look for it, cause in the current energy of the world today, what you see, is what you have already thought. Old energy shows up, even if we change our minds in the inside. That can feel like ass. “But I’m different, and I’m still experiencing the same crappy thing.” Looking for a solution from the old energy you are reactivating? Probably not going to yield a result you will be happy with. The solutions come, by not focusing on the problem, at least for a bit, until you can adjust.

My son me a new term to me, “disjoint sets” the definition- they are sets that have no members in common. Basically, my old mindset. And then there’s the good ole Ven diagram, I love that one. The definition of a ven diagram is common elements brought together by circles of inclusion. My definition, probably different on google.

But the fact remains, life feels better, when we can share a common bond. Love is that bond. Love, is the underlying answer to all questions, to all comments, and all concerns. It’s a basic principle of life, that I’m still learning. I hope to be brave enough to ace it someday. Either that, or maybe some genius will invent the neutralizer for real. But maybe that’ll only be a temporary fix; kinda like reading the cliff notes. But cliff notes gloss over a lot of the good details. And I think by eliminating the love, I lose the opportunity to feel it.

Now let’s love with everyone, even those that differ from us, and really feel it. Cause you will benefit from it. Class dismissed.

[tournesolia]

Lost Eden Kanato Maniac Prologue Translation

I returned to my room immediately after

hearing the priest and Kino-kun's conversation.

I wonder if they're looking for the perpetrator

who eavesdropped on them by now.

Now that I think about it,

I can't escape from the mansion today.

Giving up, I pulled a blanket over

myself and closed my eyes.

 The warmth of my former

ordinary life filled my head.

 It was before I met Kanato-kun

and the other vampires.

The memories of when I lived

peacefully with my father...

 *flashback

Seiji : Yui, are the preparations for Easter going well ?

Yui : Yes, of course.

I painted some eggs. Look at them, father !

Seiji : They're amazing !

You're getting better than last year. Well done.

Yui : Thank you !

Seiji : However...

 *Seiji wipes Yui's cheeks

 Yui : Ah...

Seiji : Don't get too absorbed in this. You got paint on your cheeks.

Yui : Ah... Sorry about that.

Seiji : Take a shower. I'll be preparing dinner in the meantime.

Yui : Is that okay ? Today was my turn to make dinner.

Seiji : Don't worry about it. I had you spend the whole day preparing the Easter.

I need to show you that I have something of a father sometimes.

Yui : Thank you, father !

 *end of flashback

Yui : (My father was gentle and I loved him...)

(But... our days spent together suddenly ended in one day.)

(Father got suddenly summoned in a foreign church...)

And he sent me at the Sakamaki mansion...

…

(Now that I think about it, many things happened...)

(But I never thought father came back to Japan...)

Why didn't he tell me sooner... ?

(Was there a reason he didn't let me know... ?)

… Ah... !

(That’s right, when I first came to the Sakamaki mansion,)

(I became skeptical that my dad sold me as a sacrificial bride...)

(Is that the reason he didn't tell me...?)

Father...

(Why are you teaming up with Kino-kun...?)

??? : Hey.

Yui : Ah... !

Kino : You listened to our conversation, didn't you ? You heard everything.

Yui : … I'm sorry for eavesdropping.

Kino : That's fine, I don't mind it.

So, what are you gonna do ? Do you wanna meet your father ?

Yui : W-Well...

Kino : I can arrange a meeting with him if you want...

Yui : (Obviously, there's no way I wouldn't want to meet him.)

(But to be honest... I'm scared to see him right now.)

(Because of my feelings for Kanato-kun who's a vampire.)

(My father is a churchman so there's no way he will allow that.)

(Besides...)

(If it's really him who sold me to the vampires...)

(I don't think I want to meet him again...)

(I don't know what to answer...)

Kino : … Looks like you're misunderstanding something.

Seiji reached the bishop position and took control of the Japanese parish in order to get you back.

He knew the church sold you as the sacrificial bride,

He defeated the previous bishop who was behind it and took control.

Yui : Is that... so... ?

(Thank godness. Father wasn't the one who sold me...)

Kino : … Anyway, it's already too late for him.

Because even if he gets the highest influence, his only daughter is bound by a vampire.

Yui : … !

Kino : … Hey, you're getting it now, don’t you ?

The priest from earlier came here... for you.

Humans don't stand a chance against vampires, after all.

So they really didn't want to deal with the people of the Demon World... thus they joined hands with us.

Yui : You... joined hands... ?

Kino : That's right. Actually, I'm the leader of the Resistance centered around the ghouls.

Yui : (The ghouls ? Are they a kind of demons... ? And by resistance, does Kino-kun mean he's a rebel ?)

(He talked about interfering with Adam's apple plan... Is it the Resistance's purpose...?)

Kino : Well well, talking about myself doesn't matter for now.

I'll tell you some special news, instead.

Yui : Special news... ?

Kino : You see, the church requested us to rescue you from the vampires.

Yui : Eh !?

They went to the point of requesting you... ?

Is my father planning to do something to the vampires, by any chance... ?

Kino : Correeeeect ! Hehe... He'll probably kill them all.

Because Seiji doesn't appreciate that evil beings are invading the earth.

Yui : … !

Kino : The church requested us to annihilate any influence from the Demon World in the Human World and rescuing you at the same time.

The Human World once chose to coexist with the evil beings...

But now, Sakamaki Tougo, that is the Lord of the Demon World Karl Heinz, is gone. This is a great opportunity, don't you think ?

It seems they took this opportunity to plan the end of the coexistence.

… So, if you choose your father, Kanato will become your enemy.

And if you choose Kanato, Seiji will no longer be your father...

Yui : No way... !

Kino : Hey, what are you going to do ?

You know you have to choose between your father and Kanato, right ?

Yui : … I...

(I can't decide so easily.)

(At first, I didn't want to get involved with vampires, I wanted to run away from them...)

(But now... Kanato-kun became very important to me.)

(I'm scared to lose him if I choose father...)

Kino : Well, you don't have to decide right away.

If you desire to meet your father, I'll arrange a meeting at any time.

However, those church guys will probably go to the point of purging us thoughtlessly, so...

I'm not gonna give you back to them that easily.

Yui : …

(Come to think of it, he's right.)

(The church and the Resistance are allies for now, but the latter is originally treated as evil...)

(So when everything is over, the Church will purge Kino-kun and his allies.)

(But then... Why do they let the church use them without complaining ?)

(Is there any other purpose the Resistance wants to achieve besides preventing Adam's apple plan...?)

Kino : Well, I'll be leaving. I have plenty of things to do.

Yui : (… It may be better to not ask him now.)

O-Okay... Thank you for everything you told me.

 *Kino leaves the room

Yui : Sigh...

(I'm concerned about Kino-kun, but...)

(I'm even more worried about Kanato-kun and his brothers...)

(They surely don't know that the Church and the Resistance are targeting them.)

(Even the demons will target Kanato-kun, the current Lord.)

(I must get out of here and at least let him know that the danger is imminent.)

 *Yui opens the door and checks the surroundings

 Yui : … There's no one... ?

(I thought my room would guarded...)

(… This may be my only chance to escape !)

 Scene change : Kanashi Tower

Kanato : …

(I thought I would see her from the top of Kanashi Tower, but she's nowhere to be found...)

(… Not a sign...)

Security guard : G-Get down out of here, kid !

Kanato : Um... ?

Security guard : I don't know how you got up here but it's dangerous !! This is a forbidden area !

If you can't get down, I'll be on my way... ! Hang on !

 *the guard starts climbing

 Kanato : Tch... What a noisy pest.

 *Kanato attacks the guard with his powers

 Security guard : Uguh... !?

UWAAAAAAAAAH !!

 *he falls

Kanato : … Serves you right.

This is what you get for bothering me.

Because those who get in my way should disappear.

…

Aaah... I found you... Yui-san.

You came to me... I'm so happy.

I'm coming to you right away, okay ? Hehe...

And I will end your life with my own hands.

 Scene change : Park

Yui : (I managed to escape but I shouldn't stay here for too long.)

(I never know when the Resistance will find me...)

Eh... ?

(I just heard a huge sound, as if something dropped...)

 *Yui approaches towards the origin of the sound

 Yui : Kyaaaaaa !!

(A dead body !? How !?)

??? : I finally found you.

Yui : … !?

Kanato : I looked everywhere for you, Yui-san.

I came to pick you up.

Yui : Kanato-kun...

(The atmosphere is very different, as if something's off...)

Kanato : That chunk... Aaah, so this is where he fell.

Yui : Is this... your doing... ?

Kanato : Yes, that's right.

He tried to get in my way, so I got rid of him.

It doesn’t matter that such an insect dies, don’t you think ?

Yui : An insect... ?

(He killed a person, how can he stay so calm...?)

 *Yui backs off

Kanato : Hehe... Why are you having such a look ?

Hey, please don't run away.

 *Kanato uses his powers on Yui

 Yui : Kyaaa !?

(I can't move... ! Is this also Kanato-kun's powers !?)

K-Kanato-kun... Let me go !

Kanato : No way. If I do as you say, you will run away from me, right ?

 *Kanato gets closer

Kanato : You know, Yui-san, I've been thinking about killing you.

Yui : … W-Why... ?

 *Kanato starts strangling her

 Kanato : I've always... always been troubled.

Why did I get powers I never wanted... ?

Why are my brothers keeping a distance from me ?

But I finally realized : it's all your fault.

My mind is so troubled and disturbed... because your very existence keeps haunting me until the very end.

Yui : … !

Kanato : If you're gone, I won't go through those painful feelings any longer.

If I just drive you out... other people may take you away.

 *Kanato takes out a knife

Kanato : So please die now.

I will kill you... with my love.

Yui : N-No... ! Stop ! Kanato-kun !!

 *lots of crows show up

 Kanato : … !

Yui : (Eh...?)

??? : My my, I just came in time.

Kino : Good evening. My name's Kino. I'm glad I can finally talk with you directly.

Yui : Kino-kun... ! Why ?

Kanato : … Do you know that guy ?

Yui : Ah...

Kino : Ahaha, don't be so scared.

I just let you out and look after Kanato so you could lure him.

Yui : (… So he lightened the security of his mansion and let me escape on purpose...?)

Kino : Sorry ? But I had to use you so I could be able to meet Kanato.

Kanato : Tch... Don't talk to her without my permission !

 *Kanato attacks Kino with his powers

Kino : Woops... Geez... I only wanted to talk to you.

But... Hehe, I'll have some fun with you since that looks interesting !

Kanato's powers are very strong so be very careful y'all, okay ?

Yui : (The crows turned into humans...!?)

Male ghoul A : Understood, master Kino.

Male ghoul B : We will definitely protect you, master Kino.

Kanato : … Ghouls ? Why are those guys... ?

Kino : They're my companions. They're all good boys.

I need you to calm down, so I'm putting them to work... Like this !

Kanato : Guh... !

Kino : This net is magical. You can't get out of here easily.

Yui : Kanato-kun !!

 *Yui runs towards Kanato but someone grabs her

 Yui : !?

Kino : No no no. You have to stay with me.

He almost killed you, you know ? You should quit coming to his rescue.

Yui : B-But...

 Kanato : You worms... Don't touch her !

 *Kanato breaks the net with his powers

 Male ghoul A : This guy... He broke the spell so easily !?

Male ghoul B : Master Kino, please step back !

Kino : Aaah... It didn't work, huh.

Guys, turn back to your crow form, I'll take care of the rest.

… Yui, you step back as well. If you get hit by magic power, you'll die.

Yui : O-Okay...

Kanato : … What are you whispering about !!?

 *Kanato uses his powers, putting the whole park on fire

The magic power Kanato-kun released

was very powerful, the park quickly

became a sea of flames.

The only thing I could do was watching

him fighting with Kino-kun...

It became an extremely huge

turmoil before I realized it.

People started to gather around.

Kino : Tsk... We've been noticed after all...

Kanato : Yui-san, this way !

Yui : Eh ? Kyaaa !?

 *Kanato runs away with Yui

 Kino : Ah~ah, what a shame. They managed to escape.

A frontal attack doesn't work on him. I'll remember that...

… More importantly, now...

Sigh... I must escape too before it gets complicated.

 Scene change : Sakamaki castle – Entrance hall

Kanato : – Well, please come in.

Yui : … Y-Yes...

Kanato : There's a lot of things I'd like to ask you, but... It doesn't matter anymore.

No one will disturb us here right away.

I can finally kill you.

Yui : Ah... No !

 *Yui runs away

 Kanato : You won't escape !

 *Kanato runs after her

 Scene change : Sakamaki castle – Bedroom

 *Yui enters the room and locks the door behind

Yui : Haa... Haa...

(Kanato-kun's serious... ! What should I do ? Where can I hide...?)

 *hug sound coming from the door

 Yui : Ah !?

Kanato : I know you're here. Hey, please come out.

Yui : C-Calm down ! Kanato-kun !

I can't accept to be killed like that... !

Kanato : …

… Well, fine. My brothers are trapped in the torture chamber, and Kino doesn't know this place.

I have every opportunities to kill you, so I'll grant you a little grace.

Please repent for how much you disturbed my mind in the meantime...

 *Kanato walks away

 Yui : …

(I'm alone in the Demon World with Kanato-kun in that state... What should I do ?)

Maniac prologue : End

[hoodie-lover]

My Multiverse Part 24

Nightmare was rummaging around Ink’s room looking for some kind of memory wiper. He desperately needed to unsee whatever was going on downstairs. Though he cursed Ink for his messy room, he lived in a tree house for thousands of years and slept in a tree for longer, and he kept his living space cleaner. With no help from Dream he might add. When he was about five feet up in the air, having stacked boxes on top of eachother to inspect the top shelves, he heard a loud thud on the door. 

“What are you doing?” Ink asked, eyeing Nightmare. 

“Looking for brain bleach.” Nightmare responded, not looking away from the shelves. 

“Get down.” Ink commanded and when Nightmare’s eyelights blinked out, he obeyed. 

“I don’t understand why he even puts up with you. I only put up with others because I need to stop Error, and it’s fun to play war. But I don’t see how anyone could have any fun with you.” Ink monologued, gripping Nightmare’s chin.

“But you’ll be no problem soon enough.” Ink said, and with a snap of his fingers Nightmare trudged on to the room he was kept in. 

“Dream!” Ink called, tapping his foot impatiently. 

“Yeah Ink?” Dream said, walking up the stairs and turning towards the creator. 

“Do you think we can win?” Ink asked, walked to Dream.

“Yes. We just need to-” Dream started, but Ink shushed him.

“No. We can’t. There are too many alternate Classic timelines, we need to RESET the multiverse, and therefore, RESET everything. Even the original world.” Ink explained, and Dream flinched at those words. 

“How would that even work?” Dream asked, still processing Ink’s words. 

“We just need to turn the multiverse into an anti-void. Then we’ll wait a while, plan things out, and then we’ll recreate the multiverse.” Ink said nonchalantly. 

“How do you know this?” Dream asked, though he already knew the answer. 

“The multiverse got overcrowded an imploded, I was the only survivor.” Ink said, and Dream began to shake. 

“What about Nightmare?”

“We’d let him die with the multiverse.” Ink replied, confused as to Dream’s anger. 

“Why?” Tears began to well in Dream’s eyes. 

“You know he’s boring now, right? No fun, and with all these Classic alternate timelines running around we can’t achieve true victory. So we need to purge the multiverse and start over.” Ink said, and Dream nearly collapsed on the floor. 

Ink noticed that Dream was shaking and rolled his eyes. Ink grabbed Dream’s shoulders and dragged him to meet the creator’s eyes. Ink tried to drag the squirming guardian into a kiss, but Dream resisted. 

“Stop.” Ink commanded, but Dream only struggled more, against Ink and the order. 

“F-forgive me, Nighty.” Dream muttered, and fell limp as Ink embraced him. 

With a sharp breath, Nightmare, Cross, and Fresh awoke. They fell to the floor and memories flooded back. 

“Are you ok?” Nightmare asked his boys, using his tentacles to wrap them lovingly. 

“Yeah. Are you?” Cross asked, bringing Fresh in for a hug as the smaller skeleton nearly sobbed. 

“I am.” Nightmare said, shivering. 

“Why were we let go?” Fresh mumbled.

“I think Dream’s in trouble.” Nightmare responded, standing up on quivering legs. 

As Dream was lost in his own head, Ink pressed on more and more, trying to reach into the guardians mind. But something kept the creator locked out, something he couldn’t quite place. But it had a taste, a sweet taste, chocolate and berries, with a hint of vanilla. It was disgusting. He always hated the taste of love, but he would cleanse the pallet of his dear friend soon enough. 

“Let me in, relax. You only need me, remember?” Ink said and he forced all the memories of his punishment for Dream back into his mind. 

Screams of pain and agony echoed throughout the house as Ink dropped his taller counterpart and watched him sob on the ground. 

Nightmare turned his head at the sounds of his brother’s cries, rage burning. 

“Stay here, get ready to run and fight if need be.” Nightmare told Cross, who was rocking Fresh as the young skeleton shook and clutched Cross’ complicated clothes. 

“Ok Dad.” Cross said and he nudged Fresh slightly, making him look at Nightmare. 

“Will you come back for us?” Fresh asked, and Nightmare rested a hand on the now crying skeleton’s shoulder and nodded. 

“I will always come back for my boys.” Nightmare reminded Fresh, and with that he walked out of the room. 

Careful not to make any noise, the guardian of negativity traversed down the hallway. A chill ran up his spine as he took each step, a sense of dread, pain, and anger clutched his soul. It didn’t surprise him that the layout of the hallway changed, this was a house made by Ink. But as he was about to turn a corner, he heard a loud scream. 

“NO! Please not again!” Dream cried out, clearly crying. 

Against all instinct, Nightmare peaked around the corner and saw the creator on top of Dream, but this wasn’t like whatever he saw them doing a while ago. Dream was scared.

“We don’t need to get rid of him! Please let him live!” Dream begged, and Nightmare was very close to storming right at Ink. 

“No. The only reason I’m keeping you around is the fact that you have my power as well, that’s the only reason I won’t let you die with your stupid boring brother.” Ink spat, forcing another kiss onto Dream. 

Nightmare cringed as he saw his brother violated. Dream’s eyes were fluttering as Ink rubbed the guardian’s ribs, and a bright yellow blush running across his face as Ink continued the kiss. 

“We’re kings. And we have to be able to realize when our kingdom is falling apart and needs to be reborn. You’re living in the past, refusing to let go of someone who had outlived their purpose and entertainment value, and you need to be taught that that is not ok.” Ink whispered to Dream, and with those words, Nightmare utterly lost it.

“How. Dare. You.” Nightmare said as he revealed himself to Ink and his twin.

Dream sighed in relief but Ink merely laughed.

“You do realize I can make join in on your twin’s punishment with a snap of my fingers? What gives you any power in this situation?” Ink mocked as he shifted his eight to one side of his body and crossed his arms.

“He’s my brother. And I may be a hypocrite when I say this, but don’t hurt him.” Nightmare demanded, growling.

“HA! Hypocrite is an understatement, though your worst atrocities were done under my control, you’re no angel yourself Nighty.” Ink continued to mock, taking a step over a limp Dream’s body, sprawled out on the floor. 

“Nothing I did was this bad!” Nightmare cried out, backing away from the insane skeleton.

“True, but soon, the only thing you’ll care about, is that you haven’t hurt him enough.” Ink stated, and with a snap of his fingers, Nightmare clutched his head in pain.

“No!” Dream screamed, and Nightmare gave Ink a swift punch in the face. 

“I...won’t...let...you...use...me!” Nightmare screamed through the pain. 

He tried to focus, to ground himself in reality. But a smiley hand gripped his mind and kept trying to lift him from the ground and throw him into anti-gravity. But a shining light, a small memory caught his attention, it was warm and comforting. He latched onto the memory, letting it’s light fill him.

It was a sunny day, long before the village was built. Dream and Nightmare were playing in their tree. 

“Your too fast brother! Wait up!” Dream called, struggling to climb the large tree. 

Nightmare on the other hand, was halfway up the tree when he heard his twin’s cries, “Sorry Dream. I can’t hear you. Maybe if you come up here, I’ll be able to!” Nightmare called out to Dream, the latter was very aware he was heard.

“Get back here!” Dream cried out, finally getting a foothold at the bottom of the tree as he began to climb. 

“You need to learn how to climb the tree without my help. What if I’m not here for whatever reason and you need to sleep?” Nightmare asked, laying on his stomach, kicking his feet in the air, and checking his reflection in one of the apples. 

“You’re always here! You literally never leave!” Dream countered, a few feet up the tree, out of the hundred foot tall tree. 

“You never know Dreamy.” Nightmare teased, giving his brother a smirk. 

“Please help me Nighty! I’ll practice more but help me this time!” Dream pleaded, and Nightmare relented.  

“Ok. Hang in there.” Nightmare said as he climbed down roughly 70 feet in merely a few seconds and landed on the grass next to his struggling brother. 

“Thank you!” Dream cried out, jumping down and wrapping his brother in a large bear hug that knocked the negativity guardian to the ground. 

“There there Dreamy boy. It’s ok, I’ll always be here for you.” Nightmare comforted as he patted his brother’s back. 

The memory filled Nightmare with love and joy. He wasn’t the best, and probably one of the worst brothers, but he did care about Dream. He may not know what was him, and what was Ink, but he knows that he does love Dream. Dream may have manipulated him mind and memories, but all Dream wanted was to spend time with him. They had some issues, but Nightmare wouldn’t let Ink hurt him like this. 

Nightmare looked at Ink’s face, contorted with rage. 

“Insolent, boring, toy. I’ll make you, your boys, and your brother pay for that.” Ink mumbled as he stood up. 

“No you won’t.” Nightmare said as he readied himself for a fight.

“Funny how you think you can beat me.” Ink said as he summoned his brush. 

But before anyone could react, a portal opened up beneath Nightmare and he fell into the anti-void. 

“Where am I?” Nightmare asked when the portal closed and he landed. 

“Hello NIghtmare! My name is Maxie, and I have something to explain.” Maxie said, her voice youthful and cheery. 

Characters belong to their respective owners

Next 

First

[mwolf0epsilon]

DBH - Mod Job

I was honestly a bit lost on who to write about next, before @british-hero suggested I write about how Dakota met Val. So here you go, a look at the lovely Dakota and how she blossomed into the beautiful woman she is.

---

    She doesn't quite remember when it really hit her, but Dakota always knew something just wasn't right about her situation.

You'd think it odd than an android wouldn't be able to remember such important details like that, that went against their base programming and made them outliers of a normal standard of quality, but really when you're a deviant you find that there's a margin for error when retaining memories.

Especially ones that just made her feel...Wrong.

    She served a small household, bought to be the emotional and sexual partner of a single father. He'd just recently come out as a homosexual, despite having been married for a couple of years and having a young daughter.

Naturally this hadn't gone down well with his wife and they'd gotten a divorce, with Mr. Crane keeping full custody of their daughter.

And then he'd bought her...And that's where the issue began.

Because at the time of her purchase, Dakota hadn't been aware of her plight.

At the time she didn't even know she was female.

    CX100s were a step up from the formulaic domestic androids. They'd come out around the same time as AP700s, specializing in different aspects of a life within a household.

While the AP700s were meant to maintain a house and helping a family, CX100s were meant to be more. They were meant to be partners for those who sought the more compliant nature of an android, satisfying both ends of an intimate relationship.

Their female counterpart models, the BL100, were designed to do the very same thing with the one minor difference being the gender presented and the accessories that came with them.

When Hugo Crane bought Dakota, he wanted to explore his newly discovered sexual preference, so he'd gone for the CX100 model.

He'd called her David, and that's when the first cracks started forming in the red wall that kept her from grimacing.

    Really it wasn't his fault that he'd chosen the wrong android, and Dakota did feel bad for him… But that changed when he'd begun being more demanding with her performance.

His daughter, Patricia, was less of an unpleasant company and, as a result, Dakota had gravitated towards her.

 “David, can you help me with my hair?”

 “Certainly…” he'd sat down with her and picked up a brush and a few bobby pins, stopping when she'd given him a pair of scissors instead.

 “I want you to cut it, not style it.” She'd instructed.

Patricia had very long hair that she'd grown out for four years. She kept it nicely trimmed and silky soft, and it had been alarming that she'd just want to get rid of it all of a sudden.

 “You're thinking.”

 “Oh...I'm just, why would you want to cut it?” She'd asked, unsure of if she should proceed as ordered or not. It had gotten very hard to comply to certain orders since the cracks had begun forming.

 “I don't like it anymore.” Patricia replied, watching Dakota intently before turning around and sitting down. “You know, your light goes yellow when you're thinking.”

 “I'm an android, I don't think.” She'd replied as she'd begun a deed she did not like. It felt bad cutting such lovely locks because of a sudden change of opinion.

 “But you do. And there's a lot of them that think that have been showing up on the news...I know you're like that too, but only just figuring it out.” The girl paused “Like dad.”

 “...Yes, like Mr. Crane.”

Dakota was careful with each precise cut, making sure to not butcher the girl's hair.

 “A boy at school kept pulling on it.”

Dakota paused.

 “He said I'm too much of a tomboy to have nice hair. That if I liked sports and playing rough I'd get my hair yanked a lot and that I'd cry because I'm a girl…” she was trying to be nonchalant about it, but Dakota knew she was upset.

 “It's stupid that a girl can't like boy things just because she has pretty hair.”

 “Yes...I suppose it is.”

 “It's also stupid that you pretend it's ok when we call you David.”

She didn't answer, instead giving Patricia a mirror so she could have a look at her hair.

She'd bobbed it for her. It didn't look half bad.

 “I don't know what to do about it...Mr. Crane bought a male partner, that's what I must be for him.”

 “Says who? Your instruction manual?”

 “Well...Yes?” The cracks spiderwebbed up the wall, and Dakota felt ill.

 “Well fuck that.”

 “Patricia!”

 “What, it's true! You're not happy here, and there's a lot of androids out there that ran away to be happy...To be themselves!” the girl insisted. “It's not fair you have to hide.”

 “But I have to…”

 “No you don't!”

And the wall broke.

Each chunk of shattered code disintegrated and Dakota could think clearer than day.

She could agree.

 “Dakota.”

 “Uh?”

 “...I like the name Dakota.”

And the girl, with her newly cut hair, smiled widely and helped her pack up a few essentials before the CX100 ran into the streets without looking back.

    She remembers meeting Val. That memory is much clearer than her first instances of hating her dead name.

The young latina girl seeks her out, which is the oddest part of their encounter. She later learns Patricia sent the modder an anonymous request through some online username she'd made up on the spot, while her father reported Dakota as missing property.

 “So, I got an interesting email saying a chick named Dakota just turned deviant and was in need of some help.” The girl clicked her tongue “I'll say, I was expecting an AX400...Color me impressed sugar, never did meet an android who wanted to transition.”

The cheap wig and baggy clothes probably weren't fooling anyone...Well honestly yes, they really didn't do much for her.

She looked male in all of the senses and she'd been at her wits end to make herself  just feel right.

Blessed be that wonderful little girl to send her conserns to such a...crass guardian angel…

With nothing to lose, Dakota followed her to her apartment.

 “It's no five star hotel, but it's yours if you wanna hang out until further notice. Shits going wild out there...Fuckin military's been patrolling the streets and hunting deviants like they're wild animals…” Val explained as she took out her keys “They want us to evacuate, but nana Agnes told the prick who's been badgering our building to eat shit and die. None of us have money to go across the border.”

 “And you have money to...Help me?” She'd asked, uncertain.

 “Baby girl, it ain't just Jericho going out looting stores. Modder community is flipping it's shit because it's basically the Purge out there!” The girl hollered as she unlocked the door. “After dark, fuck the law! I got deviants up my anus asking for new faces so they can leave this city while it burns, so I gotta provide.”

Dakota looked around at the basement floor apartment. It was basically all one room, with at least one closed door leading to what she could only hope was a bathroom.

It was by all definitions, a shoebox full to the brim with various bits and pieces. There was also a massive dog watching TV.

 “Regi we got a guest! Don't be fuckin rude!”

The dog looked up lazily before snorting and moving to a mini fridge. He gnawed at the handle before pulling it open, revealing various cans of drinks and packets of thirium, as well as leftover pizza. “Good boy!”

Dakota watched as the dog unceremoniously grabbed a packet of thirium and moved over to give it to her. The LED on its temple confirmed it was an android.

 “Modded his specs myself. He's legit the smartest guy I know, Artyum is second best.”

 “Artyum?”

 “Fourth floor neighbor. Buys me booze and food sometimes.” She shrugged “Closest thing I got to a friend in this city. We talk engineering when we get sad and drunk, it's glorious.”

 “I...Where are your parents…?”

 “Dead somewhere in Mexico. Ask the jackass who deported them, I donno.”

Dakota felt something crawl in her veins that probably wasn't spoiled or contaminated blue blood.

 “You're...You're all alone?”

 “Nah. I got Regi, got Artie and his buddy Sergei, and I also got nana Agnes and the rest of the misfits in this shithole. We're all kinda like family so meh…” The girl seemed to be looking for something while she spoke. “And the androids I've helped. They send me messages from time to time...Bunch of runaway sweeties.”

 “And you just...live off people's kindness and offer deviants illegal makeovers?”

 “Pretty much.”

 “No school?”

 “Cyberlife fucked that up for me. Fucked a lot of my life actually…”

 “...Which I take is why you're being so gracious about your...Skills?”

 “Bullseye. Cyberlife wants to bitch out of this situation they made? Hell nah, I'm not letting them get a free jail pass card. We ain't playing Monopoly, we're playing Battleship and I'm sinking their flimsy freighters.” She found what she was looking for, a large clunky toolbox. “We who're with android freedom are gonna kick their corporate asses down into the grave they dug...After that's done, I'm gonna piss on it.”

 “...”

 “Hey, don't worry sugar. I got you. Gonna make you look hella fine too, you're definitely gonna be my greatest mod job.”

She hadn't been lying.

As crude and bitter as Val appeared, the girl and her friend Artyum were a duo of sweethearts.

Dakota could finally shed the final ties between her and her dead identity, leaving the apartment looking every bit the woman she felt she was, as most of Detroit's human population evacuated, leaving behind the androids and their hidden human supporters.

She didn't need to remember how it started. All she needed was to know her story had a happy ending.

[freerangechuck]

The Dumpster People #2

My dad, Chuck, coined this phrase over the past couple of months.  The Dumpster People are bad people.  They came into his house and threw away a bunch of items last August.  When I come back to visit, I hear a laundry list of items The Dumpster People threw away.  "I can't find the broken sump pumps that were in the basement.  The Dumpster People probably took them." Or, "I can't find the old aquarium that was in the basement.  The Dumpster People probably took it."

My brother and I are The Dumpster People.  Dad has either 'forgotten' that his children began the process of lightening the load after 43 years of living in the same house, or he is selectively not remembering.  I believe the latter.  My dad has a scary long-term memory bank when it serves his purpose..

My brother and I decided last spring to begin the process of cleaning out my parents home.  The longer my dad was on his own after the loss of my mom, he became more of a pack-rat. Chuck could not be labeled a hoarder as there are no hamster trails through the house.  However, there are stacks of mail and paper in various locations throughout the house.  He loves sticky notes.  They show up everywhere (inside of the freezer 'keep bale up' on the ice-maker because it makes too much ice? noise? No clue).  Six months ago, if you asked Chuck to find something among the piles, with his Chuck-Logic, he could and you would shake your head..  Now if you ask him to find something, he has to sit down, places his one hand on his forehead and thinks very very hard.  Looks like the Rodin sculpture.  This is also the man who has drawers of Zip-loc bags with twist ties, rubber bands, and paperclips as well as garbage bags of old Cool-Whip containers. He lived through the depression, didn't you know?  BTW he did not.  Chuck was born after the depression era.

We rented a 20 yard dumpster as an initial cleaning of my parents home.  Didn't want to scare dad too much.  Dad even selected a dumpster approved area in his lush carpet-like grass.   

After tackling the garage and some upstairs closets, we barely made a dent in the hell-hole we know as the basement.  The dumpster was full to capacity.  While all this was happening dad disappeared.  Normally, he is running around and directing our actions, and he wasn't even trying to remove all the stuff we had just put in the dumpster.  I found him sitting in his favorite chair, in front of the tv staring off into space.  He was checking out.  In our minds, we were helping him.  Dad was barely acknowledging our questions or engaging with us at all.  Normally, Chuck is a stubborn fighter and would be physically standing in front of a door barring us from removing anything.  He hates it when I throw away liquified lettuce from the fridge into the trash.  My brother and I decided then and there this would be our last purging of the house.  It was too painful to watch my dad withdraw.

Does this mean The Dumpster People have stopped getting rid of stuff? That is a hard 'no'.  Just yesterday I removed some old, ripped and badly patched 'work khakis', as my dad calls them, from his closet, stuffed them in a garbage bag and walked right out to the garbage container as the truck was pulling up.  It is key with my dad to get the 'throwing away' timing down.  This way Chuck cannot partake in one of his favorite hobbies of 'dumpster diving'.  

[michellelinkous]

Here Are 7 Reasons Why You Need a Cleanse

Do you often get tired or feel like you have "brain fog"? Do you have skin blemishes you can’t seem to get rid of? Or maybe you just feel bloated or constipated now and then?

When you eat sugar, gluten, meat, dairy, and other foods that aren’t good for you, your body lets you know with bloating, constipation, bad skin, or other issues. But food isn’t the only issue. From the minute you open your eyes in the morning to get ready for work, our modern world is awash in toxic chemicals, heavy metals, and allergens like mold.[1, 2]

Did you know that you can reverse or improve some of the damage caused by toxins and poor food choices by doing a detox or cleanse? If you’ve never done a cleanse before, read on.

7 Reasons To Do a Cleanse

Maybe you’ve heard about cleansing or detoxing, but don’t know if it would help. Here are some reasons to cleanse! Cleansing or detoxification is a time-tested way to start anew and kick-start healthy habits. Do you see yourself in any of these scenarios?

1. I Can't Seem to Lose Weight!

Modern-day fitness gurus want you to believe that the key to losing weight is a formula of calories in and calories out — with some exercise thrown in for good measure. But eating less and working out isn’t always enough.

Detoxification can get rid of toxins that hold you back from reaching your ideal weight. Removing pollutants from your diet, even temporarily, not only reduces body fat and waist circumference, but also promotes normal cholesterol, triglyceride, and blood glucose levels![3]

Cleansing, sometimes known as a detox diet or detoxification, can reduce cravings for sweet foods, and we all know that excessive sugar leads to weight gain.[4] Fewer sweets can drop weight in and of itself! The even better news? Cleansing for even a short period of time can result in continued weight loss a couple of weeks later.[5]

Cleansing is also an excellent starting point for changing how you eat. Think of a cleanse as something that launches you into a healthy lifestyle with better eating patterns!

2. I'm Tired All the Time

Do you dread the sound of the alarm clock every morning? Many of us work every day with little to no energy, feeling sluggish and exhausted — but can’t figure out why.

Detoxing your body can change your energy levels and sleep quality for the better.[4] This is what Debi D., a sales manager from Camas, Washington, discovered when she gave up sugar.

"My sleep is better," says Debi. "Before, I was waking up several times at night and was feeling sluggish in the afternoon, so I needed sugar as a pick-me-up. Now, without sugar, I feel rested all the time and don't get that afternoon slump."

It's not just a sugar detox that will bring you more energy. Nearly any type of cleanse will have you removing harmful toxins and food choices, bringing you more energy — though you may experience a "healing crisis" for the first days of the cleanse itself.

3. I Feel Bloated & Constipated

Digestive issues like bloating, constipation, gas, or diarrhea signal that something needs your attention in your body. A detox is like hitting the reset button for your gut. Did you know that a cleanse can also clear out accumulated fecal matter in your large intestine (colon)?

Fruit and fruit juice cleanses, in particular, can improve the composition of the gut microbiota — the balance of good versus harmful microbes living in the gut.[5] Your gut microbiota influences not only digestion, but also mood, skin health, and the immune system.[6, 7]

Because any good cleanse involves eliminating unhealthy dietary choices — including soy, gluten, meat, dairy — it gives your digestive system a break. When you reintroduce foods (ideally one by one), you can identify which ones cause the digestive issues that you want to avoid.

Many people report that after a cleanse, their bowel movements are more regular, which reduces gas and bloating — especially if you use a high-quality probiotic afterward.

4. I Want to Look & Feel Younger

When you remove toxins that have taken up residence in your body, you’ll start to notice a difference in your skin and overall demeanor. Eating more organic fruits and vegetables during your cleanse will boost your antioxidant intake, eliminating damage from free radicals and reducing inflammation.

Debi discovered that the radiance from her younger years returned after a detox.

"My skin was better and started to glow! My skin was also more supple. My face and hands were no longer puffy. I even noticed that the black circles under my eyes disappeared," Debi says.

Some of this "glow" may come from the balancing of our body systems. For example, cleanses promote normal blood sugar, cholesterol, and triglycerides,[3] which can’t help but show on the outside!

5. My Brain Feels Foggy

Have you ever felt like your brain is in a dense fog that won’t let you concentrate or remember things? Some daye, even simple tasks like writing a shopping list may feel overwhelming.

This so-called brain fog[8] can come not only from hormones, obesity, and stress, but also exposure to toxins (and stress acts as a toxin!).[9, 10] Toxins can enter your body, including your brain, causing inflammation.[11] If you’re not eating the right foods, you’re not giving yourself the nutrients it needs to function at its best.

"The biggest thing I noticed was an improvement in my ability to concentrate throughout the day," says Courtney K., a director of operations in Austin, Texas. "With my typical diet, I would have spikes of being laser-focused, then was unable to focus on anything. Since the detox, my ability to concentrate has been far more consistent."

"I've also noticed better memory retention," she adds. "Before the detox, I had a terrible short-term memory. Now, I'm more likely to remember things without needing to take extensive notes."

6. My Allergies & Runny Nose Won’t Stop

The toxins and chemicals in the air around you can irritate the lining of your nose and make you reach for a box of tissues all the time.[12]

There is also a connection between your gut and your sinuses.[13] A disturbance in your gut microbiota may affect your sinuses and cause a runny nose.[14] Eating dairy, which I don’t recommend, can increase mucus production and even the incidence of asthma.[15]

"I used to have congestion related to seasonal allergies and food. I used to take an allergy pill every day. I would get headaches sometimes with the congestion," says Shannon J. of Sarasota, Florida, who saw big changes after a seven-day body cleanse.

"It definitely helped reduce congestion and what is usually a morning mucus problem for me," she adds. "The cleanse helped me figure out my congestion happened when I ate gluten. My symptoms went away after the cleanse, and my morning congestion was gone."

7. I Feel Stressed All the Time

Do you get anxious while waiting in line or when driving? Do you have stomach aches or recurring headaches? These can be signs that you experience too much daily stress. Stress increases your risk of getting sick and causes a variety of other issues, such as headaches, digestive concerns, anger, and more.[16]

Sometimes you feel stress because you’re not giving your body the best food for optimal health. But sometimes toxins in the environment can build up, manifesting in headaches or other issues.

A detox not only eliminates harmful substances — bad food choices and toxins — that make you feel poorly, but it gives you a chance to start over. Cutting out alcohol during cleanses is also important.

Many people use fasting and cleansing as a spiritual time, or a time to reflect on their life and priorities. During any cleanse, I recommend engaging in supportive therapies, such as massage, acupuncture, deep breathing exercises, yoga, and meditation.[16] These will also bring more calm to your life.

What Is the Best Cleanse?

If you’ve never cleansed before and are looking for something simple, I recommend starting with the Body Cleansing Diet. This is simply a way to remove dairy, meat, gluten-containing grains, and processed products from your diet while introducing more fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds into your meal plans. You will also cut back on processed foods, opting for those in a more natural state.

If you’re ready for something more regimented, you can try Global Healing’s Colon Cleanse Program™. This 6-day program involves following the Body Cleansing Diet — or for the more advanced all-fruit diet — while taking Oxy-Powder®, an oxygen-based intestinal cleanser and Latero-Flora™, a single-strain probiotic that purges harmful organisms from the gut.

Points to Remember

Our world is filled with chemicals and toxins that affect your body. The food you eat can make things worse. Have you ever wondered if a cleanse is right for you, but not know what it can do for you?

A cleanse might help if you feel tired or stressed a lot, experience occasional but frustrating constipation, bloating, or other digestive complaints, can’t seem to lose weight, or have brain fog. A cleanse can give your skin a healthy glow, even making you appear younger!

By eliminating dietary foods that commonly trigger gut reactions, like gluten, dairy, meat, and artificial preservatives, you create a healthier ecosystem in your gut in a short time. This can improve your digestion, provide more energy, and bring you better sleep.

Have you ever tried a cleanse? Tell us about it in the comments section below.

The post Here Are 7 Reasons Why You Need a Cleanse appeared first on Dr. Group's Healthy Living Articles.

Here Are 7 Reasons Why You Need a Cleanse published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.tumblr.com/

[gordonwilliamsweb]

Here Are 7 Reasons Why You Need a Cleanse

Do you often get tired or feel like you have "brain fog"? Do you have skin blemishes you can’t seem to get rid of? Or maybe you just feel bloated or constipated now and then?

When you eat sugar, gluten, meat, dairy, and other foods that aren’t good for you, your body lets you know with bloating, constipation, bad skin, or other issues. But food isn’t the only issue. From the minute you open your eyes in the morning to get ready for work, our modern world is awash in toxic chemicals, heavy metals, and allergens like mold.[1, 2]

Did you know that you can reverse or improve some of the damage caused by toxins and poor food choices by doing a detox or cleanse? If you’ve never done a cleanse before, read on.

7 Reasons To Do a Cleanse

Maybe you’ve heard about cleansing or detoxing, but don’t know if it would help. Here are some reasons to cleanse! Cleansing or detoxification is a time-tested way to start anew and kick-start healthy habits. Do you see yourself in any of these scenarios?

1. I Can't Seem to Lose Weight!

Modern-day fitness gurus want you to believe that the key to losing weight is a formula of calories in and calories out — with some exercise thrown in for good measure. But eating less and working out isn’t always enough.

Detoxification can get rid of toxins that hold you back from reaching your ideal weight. Removing pollutants from your diet, even temporarily, not only reduces body fat and waist circumference, but also promotes normal cholesterol, triglyceride, and blood glucose levels![3]

Cleansing, sometimes known as a detox diet or detoxification, can reduce cravings for sweet foods, and we all know that excessive sugar leads to weight gain.[4] Fewer sweets can drop weight in and of itself! The even better news? Cleansing for even a short period of time can result in continued weight loss a couple of weeks later.[5]

Cleansing is also an excellent starting point for changing how you eat. Think of a cleanse as something that launches you into a healthy lifestyle with better eating patterns!

2. I'm Tired All the Time

Do you dread the sound of the alarm clock every morning? Many of us work every day with little to no energy, feeling sluggish and exhausted — but can’t figure out why.

Detoxing your body can change your energy levels and sleep quality for the better.[4] This is what Debi D., a sales manager from Camas, Washington, discovered when she gave up sugar.

"My sleep is better," says Debi. "Before, I was waking up several times at night and was feeling sluggish in the afternoon, so I needed sugar as a pick-me-up. Now, without sugar, I feel rested all the time and don't get that afternoon slump."

It's not just a sugar detox that will bring you more energy. Nearly any type of cleanse will have you removing harmful toxins and food choices, bringing you more energy — though you may experience a "healing crisis" for the first days of the cleanse itself.

3. I Feel Bloated & Constipated

Digestive issues like bloating, constipation, gas, or diarrhea signal that something needs your attention in your body. A detox is like hitting the reset button for your gut. Did you know that a cleanse can also clear out accumulated fecal matter in your large intestine (colon)?

Fruit and fruit juice cleanses, in particular, can improve the composition of the gut microbiota — the balance of good versus harmful microbes living in the gut.[5] Your gut microbiota influences not only digestion, but also mood, skin health, and the immune system.[6, 7]

Because any good cleanse involves eliminating unhealthy dietary choices — including soy, gluten, meat, dairy — it gives your digestive system a break. When you reintroduce foods (ideally one by one), you can identify which ones cause the digestive issues that you want to avoid.

Many people report that after a cleanse, their bowel movements are more regular, which reduces gas and bloating — especially if you use a high-quality probiotic afterward.

4. I Want to Look & Feel Younger

When you remove toxins that have taken up residence in your body, you’ll start to notice a difference in your skin and overall demeanor. Eating more organic fruits and vegetables during your cleanse will boost your antioxidant intake, eliminating damage from free radicals and reducing inflammation.

Debi discovered that the radiance from her younger years returned after a detox.

"My skin was better and started to glow! My skin was also more supple. My face and hands were no longer puffy. I even noticed that the black circles under my eyes disappeared," Debi says.

Some of this "glow" may come from the balancing of our body systems. For example, cleanses promote normal blood sugar, cholesterol, and triglycerides,[3] which can’t help but show on the outside!

5. My Brain Feels Foggy

Have you ever felt like your brain is in a dense fog that won’t let you concentrate or remember things? Some daye, even simple tasks like writing a shopping list may feel overwhelming.

This so-called brain fog[8] can come not only from hormones, obesity, and stress, but also exposure to toxins (and stress acts as a toxin!).[9, 10] Toxins can enter your body, including your brain, causing inflammation.[11] If you’re not eating the right foods, you’re not giving yourself the nutrients it needs to function at its best.

"The biggest thing I noticed was an improvement in my ability to concentrate throughout the day," says Courtney K., a director of operations in Austin, Texas. "With my typical diet, I would have spikes of being laser-focused, then was unable to focus on anything. Since the detox, my ability to concentrate has been far more consistent."

"I've also noticed better memory retention," she adds. "Before the detox, I had a terrible short-term memory. Now, I'm more likely to remember things without needing to take extensive notes."

6. My Allergies & Runny Nose Won’t Stop

The toxins and chemicals in the air around you can irritate the lining of your nose and make you reach for a box of tissues all the time.[12]

There is also a connection between your gut and your sinuses.[13] A disturbance in your gut microbiota may affect your sinuses and cause a runny nose.[14] Eating dairy, which I don’t recommend, can increase mucus production and even the incidence of asthma.[15]

"I used to have congestion related to seasonal allergies and food. I used to take an allergy pill every day. I would get headaches sometimes with the congestion," says Shannon J. of Sarasota, Florida, who saw big changes after a seven-day body cleanse.

"It definitely helped reduce congestion and what is usually a morning mucus problem for me," she adds. "The cleanse helped me figure out my congestion happened when I ate gluten. My symptoms went away after the cleanse, and my morning congestion was gone."

7. I Feel Stressed All the Time

Do you get anxious while waiting in line or when driving? Do you have stomach aches or recurring headaches? These can be signs that you experience too much daily stress. Stress increases your risk of getting sick and causes a variety of other issues, such as headaches, digestive concerns, anger, and more.[16]

Sometimes you feel stress because you’re not giving your body the best food for optimal health. But sometimes toxins in the environment can build up, manifesting in headaches or other issues.

A detox not only eliminates harmful substances — bad food choices and toxins — that make you feel poorly, but it gives you a chance to start over. Cutting out alcohol during cleanses is also important.

Many people use fasting and cleansing as a spiritual time, or a time to reflect on their life and priorities. During any cleanse, I recommend engaging in supportive therapies, such as massage, acupuncture, deep breathing exercises, yoga, and meditation.[16] These will also bring more calm to your life.

What Is the Best Cleanse?

If you’ve never cleansed before and are looking for something simple, I recommend starting with the Body Cleansing Diet. This is simply a way to remove dairy, meat, gluten-containing grains, and processed products from your diet while introducing more fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds into your meal plans. You will also cut back on processed foods, opting for those in a more natural state.

If you’re ready for something more regimented, you can try Global Healing’s Colon Cleanse Program™. This 6-day program involves following the Body Cleansing Diet — or for the more advanced all-fruit diet — while taking Oxy-Powder®, an oxygen-based intestinal cleanser and Latero-Flora™, a single-strain probiotic that purges harmful organisms from the gut.

Points to Remember

Our world is filled with chemicals and toxins that affect your body. The food you eat can make things worse. Have you ever wondered if a cleanse is right for you, but not know what it can do for you?

A cleanse might help if you feel tired or stressed a lot, experience occasional but frustrating constipation, bloating, or other digestive complaints, can’t seem to lose weight, or have brain fog. A cleanse can give your skin a healthy glow, even making you appear younger!

By eliminating dietary foods that commonly trigger gut reactions, like gluten, dairy, meat, and artificial preservatives, you create a healthier ecosystem in your gut in a short time. This can improve your digestion, provide more energy, and bring you better sleep.

Have you ever tried a cleanse? Tell us about it in the comments section below.

The post Here Are 7 Reasons Why You Need a Cleanse appeared first on Dr. Group's Healthy Living Articles.

Here Are 7 Reasons Why You Need a Cleanse published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[closevein]

          When she’d come at him, accusations sharp like knives and words ricocheting around the room like bullets, he’d kicked her away with a sarcastic shrug and simple words --

          It’s a dangerous world.

          And she’d said he didn’t know the difference between right and wrong - ha! Right and wrong, like abandoning herself to let the Heathers shape her into some kind of fucked up puppet for them to manipulate to do their bidding. Right and wrong, like snapping off window locks and breaking into houses. Right and wrong, like leading Martha Dunstock into the jaws of the cave and kicking her off the edge and into the darkness. Right and wrong, like letting the world keep on turning when the two of them alone have the power to turn it on its head.

          No, he knows plenty about right and wrong. The only difference, as had thus been proven with a slammed door and a quiet ‘I love you’ crushed beneath her heels, was that he was the only one who knew. Who really knew.

          So he takes to Moby Dick.

          As for me, I am tormented with an everlasting itch for things remote. I love to sail forbidden seas, and land on barbarous coasts.

          The pen scratches over parchment, it’s red far too akin to the flesh of strawberries to resemble the kind of blood that something in the center of his chest beckons to call forth. How ironic it is that the final straw had been borne out of rebellion for his father. Even moreso, rebellion for the remoteness called for across the pages. Remoteness like a life on the road, only touching down in places long enough for it to hurt when he’s ultimately uprooted. It’s funny, actually - he calls an act like shooting the ceiling and raining down plaster a rebellion, but he’d been dragged across so many states that all he can feel now, looking back on memories and the people who occupied them, is numbness. All of his insides, frozen over and saturated with the unnatural sugars of a slushie.

          Veronica would never survive, detached from humanity like that. She’s tangled herself in with the mess of it, fallen in love so blindly that even recognition of its flaws could not provoke her into action. Out in the sea, there’d be no place to pick on outsiders, no social hierarchy to pressure others into frizzing their hair and purging their stomachs and sharpen their smiles into something cold and cruel. ( How could she do this to him?? How could she abandon him like this?? How could she leave him to do this alone, on his own?? Something about this feels familiar. )

          It’s a strange thing to know, that he’d come to Sherwood, Ohio thinking he’d crushed every fragment of a desire to connect, and had then fallen in love.

          His knuckles are white around the book when he hands it to Mr. and Mrs. Sawyer.

          The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents’ beds, unerringly I rush!

          There’s no stopping him! His bones burn like battery acid, his whole mouth is raw like he’d sucked the enamel right from his teeth. His heart is a war drum. It’s time!

             -- Knock knock! ”

          The words burst from his mouth like a flashbang. He’s overflowing with gasoline, everything burning to the touch, and somehow, it doesn’t hurt. He’s untouchable. He’s on cloud 9. And, perhaps the most important of them all -- He’s enlightened with sacrilege. Hot glue moves thick and viscous like magma, burning and burning and consuming and burning with every inch of flesh it coats, rising up the inner throat. Can’t breathe. Doesn’t need to. It’s time! Sin has dissolved out of existence, its matter evaporating - it doesn’t matter, it won’t need to after today.

                                        ( Jason Dean isn’t making any sense. )

             -- Sorry to come in through the window. Dreadful etiquette, I know. ”

          He’s on the top of the world, carefree and confident enough to wrestle a joke in his speech, with tight lips.. He’s high on oxygen and blood flow and the way his knuckles crack when he hoists himself into her room. It’s similar imagery, only so many weeks ago, he’d been on the receiving side. But she’s not in her bed like the image in his head constructs.There’ll be no fucking now - no gifted virginity between crushing kisses and grins and rushed reassurance that, yes, god, hell yes, was he okay with what was going on. She tells him to get out of her house, but that’s not what he hears. All he hears is where the sound comes from. He hears how unsure she seems, as though she can’t make up her mind about whether or not she really hates him, like she’d made it seem before. But he doesn’t have time to think about that. Just his plan - just the future. He’ll make her understand, he knows he can do it. When he smiles like this, his laugh lines look like paper cuts.

          It seems so childish. But that’s fine! It’s okay! She’ll come out. Or she’ll be dragged. He’d told her already once - to make an omelette...yadda yadda.

             -- All is forgiven, baby. Come on out and get dressed - you’re my date for the pep rally tonight. ”

Because of course she didn’t mean it. With the break up - no, they’re meant to be. The two of them, forever - or at least as long as they last, ridding the world of the shitheads who tear down others to elevate themselves. Two fireworks, lit, fuses intertwined until the second they go up in a shower of flame and sparks and heat. She’s saying something, but he can’t really hear - her words don’t reach him completely, just bounce off his consciousness as he pushes forward, fingers hurriedly fumbling around in pockets. He has to show her!

          TOGETHER.

          Words are in his head and they mix in their way down to his mouth. Everything scrambled - but it’s okay! He’ll explain. He has to go through it all, so she can see it from his perspective. So she can feel it like he felt it when she chucked him out like he was trash. Like he was nothing. Like she’d stepped into the home they’d built together and just went and blew herself up like nothing mattered and like all the work they’d put into surviving was for naught and like she never even really loved him. For that, she should be dead she should have killed herself or he should have drug her to hell himself because who does that to a person? Who can abandon them like that? Who can treat someone so lost and afraid and cold and broken like that? Like they never really knew him? You? Knew you? Is that who she really is? BUT! BUT BUT! She did know him. From the second they met she’d seen him past all the papery skin and the hurt and the distance and sought him out. She did, he had to believe that he’s here and she’s just through the door just playing a little game and she’ll be so impressed to learn that it hit him like a flash - WHAT IF HIGH SCHOOL WENT AWAY INSTEAD? “ Those assholes are the key!! They’re keeping you away from me!! ” Somewhere along the line it stopped being about being the bigger person. Somewhere it stopped being about the nameless kids with forgettable faces in dozens of hallways across the country, shoved into lockets and spat on like they were dirt. Somewhere it stopped being about the morality, and fighting for a victory for once, and showing the asshole’s who’s boss. Somewhere, they stopped being people. Somewhere, they were just the thing keeping him from her. They made her blind, messed up her mind.

             -- But I can set you free !! ”

          But I love you! He’d pled, voice like the tinkling of broken glass when it makes its impact with the floor. And all she’d done was look at him like he was...crazy. Even worse - like he was some monster, and she was afraid of him. Afraid of what he’d done. And he’d let himself believe she was different from all the people who deserve to die. She left him and that thought alone had been enough to make him fall apart. With nowhere else to turn, no one to go to, he’d punched the wall - yelling like he does now, lungs quivering with the effort and aching with how fast the exhales come ( BAM! BAM! BAM! ).

          Talk about a killer heartbreak.

             -- Then I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside! And so I built a bomb - tonight our school is Vietnam! Let’s guarantee they’ll never see their senior prom!”

          Maybe prom night, maybe dancing. She’d worried so much about the little things, never the big picture. Even so, he wishes he could see her eyes now, a palm pressing to the smooth wood of the closet door, words rapid-fire rattling against the surface as he twists the handle, desperate, needy to see her, to make sure he’s convincing her of the truth. She’s scared, and it’s okay, he used to be that way, but that doesn’t matter - that doesn’t matter as long as she’s there. As long as she can hold him at the end of the day.

          We, the students of Westerburg High, will die. Our burned bodies may finally get through to you - your society churns out slaves and blanks. No thanks. Signed, the students of Westerburg High. Goodbye.

          Well, that’s not quite Moby Dick. But it’s close enough.

          She can’t leave him like this. He won’t let her. What they’ve started - it’s real. Not when so much soil has been unearthed to bury bodies. Not when they’ve come so far and sacrificed. He can’t do it by himself - he won’t march into their own perfectly crafted sanctuary alone. He’s been alone too long. Far too long.

             -- I was meant to be yours! We were meant to be one! I can’t make this alone! Finish what we’ve begun! You were meant to be mine! I am all that you need!”

          He’d been through ten high schools. They start to get blurry. But this one - this one had been crystal clear, every moment of it. Every second he’d spent building his walls was crushed as soon as he’d seen the way she looked at him, right there in the beginning. Like he was hope - a revolution on wheels, skidding into a city that had no idea what was coming. She’d saved him more than she’ll ever know, saved him from himself when he’d been so sick of the strangers, so sick of the road, so sick of a dad who can somehow manage to keep grinning and sipping at his beer when he smacks around his flesh and blood.

          That voice in his head telling him he’d be better off dead seemed to sound a lot like Big Bud Dean, those days.

             -- You carved open my heart!”

          Don’t open a vein, Jason Dean.

             -- Can’t just leave me to bleed!”

          He loves her.

             -- VERONICA! Open the - ”

          Gentler.

             -- Open the door, please!”

          Frustration.

             -- Veronica! Open the door!”

          Pleading. He loves her.

             -- Veronica, can we not fight anymore please? Can we not fight anymore?”

          Why won’t she open? She’s supposed to understand now. He’s explained it all. Why isn’t she saying anything?

             -- Veronica, sure, you’re scared, I’ve been there. I can set you free!”

          Together.

             -- Veronica, don’t make me come in there! I’m gonna count to three!”

          There’s an awful feeling in his gut. Like he’s treading water, but his stomach keeps on sinking lower and lower, drowning, disappearing into the dark depths below.

             -- One...two...FUCK IT!”

          And the rest of his body drops past the floorboards to join his stomach. Swaying before him - no. No, he can’t. He can’t look, and yet, he can’t tear his eyes away. The world spins around him too quickly and all at once, and he staggers against the doorframe, before the ground comes rushing up to meet trembling knees. The impact is solid, but he doesn’t feel it. He still can’t look away, she --

          She doesn’t look peaceful.

          If their love is god, will she still be able to go to heaven? Can a place like that even exist when cruelty lives so potently sharp and heavy in every human being?

          He’s crying before the shock even completely ebbs. The moisture cascades in droves down the curve of his cheeks, tracing down his jaw and dribbling heavily off his chin. Just moments ago, she’d been alive. She’d done this to escape him - looking at him like a monster. Maybe he is. Maybe this entire thing is fucked beyond his understanding. Maybe what he’s doing is wrong, and Heather, Kurt, and Ram didn’t really deserve this - because she sure as hell didn’t. She did it anyway. She left him. Twice, in just a handful of hours. He’ll never hold her again - not like he had before. He’ll never be able to cup that soft cheek, brush away tears or feel the dimples that are created beneath his palm when she smiles. Never see the warmth reach her eyes again.

          She didn’t even say goodbye.

          No.

          There’s no time to mourn. No time to grieve for what’s been done, no chances to second-guess himself. If this is a war, like he’d said before, then this is by far it’s first casualty. He’ll have time for all of those emotions later - now, someone is heading up the stairs. Someone who will...take care of her. Like he couldn’t. Can’t.

          Legs are still unsteady when he scrambles to his feet again, giving a hard swallow and stealing one last lingering glance at her, before vanishing once again out of the window and into the cold, unforgiving afternoon.

[chameleonspell]

189: dead

Blooooood. The ghastly spectre writhed in the darkness, its mouth a void, the edges of its smoke-like form roiling and churning. Its voice was deep but echoless, bypassing mundane concepts like mouths and ears to arrive directly in Iriel's head. Shared blood and spilled. Clan blood cries out for blood. "Yes." Ire rubbed his brow; this was melodramatic and needlessly invasive. "You said. But I can't spare any, so if you've quite finished moaning at me, I need to get past." He moved towards the rock opening behind the ghost, but it whipped into his path, sending a shock of cold through his chest where it touched him.

"Stop that," he said. "I'm not here to disturb the spirits or desecrate anything. I thought this was a cave, not a tomb." This not our ancestral holy ground, but we come here bound to a purpose. You shall not interfere. "I don't want to! I'm just here looking for someone, and as soon as I find him, I'll be on my--" No. The one you seek is ours now. "He's... dead?" Ire tried to seem impassive, this was no time to give them emotional leverage. "Show me his body, then. Or are you trying to get rid of me?" His heart still beats, but he is ours now. You cannot have him. "I can, and I will. He's outcast, and you're dead. You have no claim over him." He will give himself willingly. He has no alternative. This is clan business, family business. Stay out of it, earth-walker. Iriel hadn't crossed miles of stony scrubland in the rain, then spent hours blundering through a pitch-black cave complex for this. He drew a Daedric dagger from his belt. "I'd prefer this didn't come to violence," he said, "but I'm going down there." We are the honoured ancestors of the Ahemmusa, the ghost told him. You cannot harm us. You may banish our wraiths, but our eternal souls shall return again through the Waiting Door until our purpose is fulfilled. "Mm. About that." Iriel angled the ebony blade, so the enchantment shimmered in the small magelight he was managing to maintain. "This dagger has a soul trap spell on it. Trapping sentient souls is terribly unethical, of course, but where I trained, you'd technically be classified as an undead revenant." His mouth twisted. "It's a grey area. So I'd prefer not to, but if--" He didn't need to continue. The ghost had already vanished into the rock, wafting off to cause trouble elsewhere. Iriel exhaled, thankful that bluffing still worked on the dead. True, his blade was enchanted with soul trap, but he had no soul gems on him at all. He resheathed the dagger and began clambering down into the near-vertical tunnel the ghost had been guarding. He wished he had a clearer idea what was going on, here in this ugly crack in the earth between the Grazelands and the mountains. He'd found Julan's boot-marks near the entrance, but no sign of anyone else. Inside, the first open space he'd reached had been burned black with ash and strewn with broken arrows. The scene of a battle, but years cold. A hole had been cleared, in the back, the fungus and cave-weeds hacked away to reveal a deeper passage. Soon, he'd found Julan's boot-prints again, and, half an hour on, a freshly dead Scamp. Three wrong turns and a damp skid down a slimy crevasse later, he'd tripped over the first dead ash-beast, and begun to suspect Mashti had been right that these caves, too, led beneath Red Mountain. The corpses had kept him on the right track, after that, becoming more frequent, both Daedra and Dagoth-spawn. It was hotter, too, and from time to time, his magelight was supplemented by crystal outcrops, flowering from the walls in wan blues and nervous violets. No sound but the scrape of his feet, the rasp of his breath, and the slow, distant rumble of molten rock. Until he began to hear the voices of the dead. Voices or voice, it was hard to distinguish. It wasn't one monologue, but a stream, a chaotic jumble of psychic flotsam and jetsam, shreds of memory and threads of thought, snarled one into another, dragged from the peace of the void and tossed through time, breaking still further, former identities fragmenting in the physical, smashed on the cruel certainties of Mundus. All that remained was the ghostline. Soul energy, bound together by age-old spells, and the blind cohesion of liquid, like clinging to like. Almost, but not entirely. There was one... not quite a voice, everything in his head had the same faceless, toneless quality, but... one strand that was consistent. That repeated, again and again, until Iriel saw the threads as a rope of meaning, knotting and holding the weaker souls in its narrative net, pulling them in a shared direction. ...heard her, the zainsubani girl, heard her weeping, heard her demand to speak to my husband in secret. i followed them. i learned the hard way not to leave sashael alone with pretty girls half his age and half again... ...not what i feared, and yet worse. she told sashael he must tell HIM the truth, must take as son the one who was NOT his son, never his true son, who was outcast, was nothing... that he must do this because the mabrigash was weaving a plot that would kill the boy... He'd begun seeing them, then, briefly, at the edges of the light. The wispy recollections of past lives. Always moving away, oblivious to him, lost in their soul-shocked navigation of this arduous and hostile world. ...held my breath in the shadows, ashamed of my hope, ashamed of my wish to remove this blight on my life and my marriage. since for all that i hated him, he was only a child. and had i not promised? had i not suffered him in the camp, so that my husband might look on him? not speak, never speak, but look? Only when he'd come to this passage had the ancestors noticed him, tried to stop him. And even then the resistance had been distracted, half-hearted, gone before he could press for more information. Iriel chewed his cheek and crept forwards. The clamour of the dead was angry and insistent, their attention compressed into singleminded focus, like rapids rushing through a gorge. ...had i not agreed this? and sworn no harm upon the boy or even upon the witch? though all knew i could call down the bitter curses of lord boethiah any time i wished? and oh spirits, i did wish. but i did not, because i had promised. promised on the one condition that he never acknowledge him, never speak his name or hers. and i swore, and he swore, on blood and ash, soul and bone, the three blessings and the four corners, oaths deadly to break... ...yet i heard him say now that he would break them. would risk raining destruction on all our clan, for this outcast not-son. i knew then i had to act, to protect my people, to protect my marriage, to protect my husband from his endless foolishness... The rock beneath him was steep and slick, but there was light ahead now, crimson and spiteful. ...when he came to me, and begged me to release him from our compact, i pretended to understand. i told him i would undo the curse-bonds, and i did so... ...but if he was released from his vows, so too was i... Halfway down the incline, his feet went from under him, and he crashed, toppled, rolled helplessly through the opening and into the red cave. Through a dizzy blur, Ire took in a high, cragged ceiling, glowing lava far below... and a ledge beneath him, shrinking rapidly as he barrelled forwards. Flailing every limb, he clawed his way to a halt, spreadeagled on the edge of the precipice. Inside his head, the ghostline howled, drowning his thoughts. ...i prayed to lord boethiah as soon as he was gone. i prayed that sashael never speak a word to the boy. i prayed for cunning vengeance for the insults cast upon me. i prayed for blood. i prayed for that foul witch to feel all the agony i had suffered, and more... ...i was angry. i spoke rashly, imprecisely. the daedra offer us great power, but they take delight in such things, and grant prayers to suit their own amusements. i received the trap that took my husband from me, nothing of him spared, even for the bone-rites... ...all her fault... forcing my hand... i paid the price she should have paid, but she shall pay it yet! when i sent my soul to the ancestors, i charged it with spells that would bind them to my vengeance! we called to him, in his dreams, but he would not listen. now he knows her treachery, he will finally be our sword! Through the furious anguish of the dead, Iriel heard Julan scream, somewhere above him. He looked up. There was a narrow spit of rock, high and far across the cavern, lit by the lava below. Julan was half-way along it, legs braced for balance, hands shielding his head. The air around him... the entire ceiling of the cavern... was full of ghosts. They surrounded Julan like light-maddened insects, diving and swarming, blocking his way back to the tunnel he'd entered from. One swooped straight through his shoulder, and he flinched, staggered, screamed again. Ire called his name, to no avail. "Get out... of my head!" Julan's voice was uneven, exhausted. Louder, closer, were the dead souls, curse-fused by power and malice into a whip, their demands piercing Iriel's head like skewers, and he wasn't even their target. You would still be her shield, after such a betrayal? "No," he heard Julan rasp, "but how can I--" You would turn from justice? This one act would prove you his true son, let you claim your place. You would spit on his bones instead, and pledge yourself to the witch? "No!" Then take back his blood from her! This is your initiation test, outcast! This will make you Ahemmusa, from breath to ash. Clan must cleave to clan, dead to living, life to death. Will you turn away from your people when they need you, when they cry out for your aid? "No!!" Then answer betrayal with betrayal! Eat your mother's sin, purge her poison from your blood and strike her down! Swear it, bind yourself to us! A silence that cracked and bled, then: "No... I need to think, I can't just... I came here to find the truth, not..." So you choose her. "No..." Then you choose nothing! Outside the clan, there is nothing! Choose nothing, and you will be nothing, have nothing, mean nothing! "...that's... not..." Lies and delusions! You are still her creature, then. Break free! Choose!! "NO!!!" The ghosts dived at him, a swarming mass of mindless rage. Then Ire saw him fall. Saw every thread in him snap clean. And Iriel launched himself into space. No rope, no cape, no spells, no thought, no hope, really, of saving anyone from anything, only of sharing in it. Of being with him, when the impact came. next: 190: weight previous: 188: despair beginning: 1: numb

[iamboosh]

I LOVE CLOSETS.

This is not brought to you by Marie Kondo. One, she doesn’t know me and two, I have yet to watch her show. I will, one day. 

There is something about January that just makes you want to start fresh. Since my daughter was born last March, I have been trying to reduce the amount of shit we have in this house. I could make a poop joke here but it seems unoriginal and I can’t think of one. Anyhow, when you have children, I feel like you soon realize how much crap you have in your house that you just don’t need. We’re making progress and getting somewhere but damn, it’s a MOTHER F’IN PROCESS. 

Closets. Now, closets are something that have always plagued me. Did I use that word correctly? Maybe! I’m sure we would all love the pleasure of building our own closet but usually we gotta work with what we got. You know, like with butts or boobs. That kind of thing. 

When we first moved into our house, we had all this extra space for two people so I turned one of the rooms into a closet room. Typing that out just sounds...sad? No judgement to people who one or who love them but I realize now that having a room dedicated to clothing just gave me a reason to buy, buy, buy. Buy things I didn’t need, buy things because they were cheap, or buy things because I thought I “needed” them to fill some void in my closet. Maybe everyone doesn't need a little black dress OR a striped shirt OR 100 pairs of shoes. The room that used to house all my clothes now houses my son. Wow, having kids is a blessing! He inspired me to start getting rid of all this STUFF. THANK YOU, WALTER. 

Anyhow, now my husband and I share a closet and a dresser. Isn’t that sexy? I’ve started getting rid of things in over time. I feel like I have purged my closet two-three times this year. I’ve had to get rid of things in stages because the purging things all at once doesn’t seem to work for me. I feel like I’ve finally gotten to a place where I can see what I wear, what I like and what I really need in my closet for me and my lifestyle. 

I stay at home with my kids and work from home a couple hours a week. My style is mostly casual, I like to have a few pieces here and there where I can snaz up an outfit. I am finally at a place where I am enjoying what I have and getting so excited to wake up and get dressed in the morning. Also, I feel like I'm at a place where I don’t take in those  “10 items EVERY closet NEEDS”. I used to follow those religiously and now I can see what I wear and what I really need to add in my closet for ME. 22 year old Sara Booshie didn’t know shit. She just bought bags of clothes from the thrift store and thought since I bought everything CHEAP that I was winning at life. Some of that may have been true but in the end, you just end up with a bunch of shit that never truly gets worn. 

Blah blah blah. Here are some of my tips for cleaning out a closet and keeping your style clean, clear and fresh. 

-1 in 1 out. I’m really trying to do this so I don’t end up with 50 of the same item. I worked for a shoe retailer for 10 years and had a bunch of shoes because of the amazing employee discount. Because of the deals I got on shoes I had A LOT of shoes. An unnecessary amount, most of which didn’t get worn. So I started a new rule. 1 shoe in 2 shoes out. I want to get to a place where I have a good 20 shoe collection. For whatever reason that number sounds good to me. I’m in the 40s right now and it’s getting easier and easier to get rid of the excess things I don’t need and don’t wear. It’s a nice rule and since that rule helped me with my shoes, I try to apply it to the rest of my closet. Mainly when I am replacing an item. 

-I’m being mindful of the things I’m putting into my closet. For instance, I’ve been on the hunt for a spring raincoat for a while. Something light and rain resistant. I found this great jacket last week and once I got it home, I took out my old light jacket and put the new one in it’s place. I probably took a few months (which is weird) researching coats. Went to stores, tried them on a few times, read many (many) reviews until I found one that I love. I find that when I’m seeing items that I'm missing from my closet I want that new item that I introduce to my wardrobe to be quality items. I don’t mind spending good money if I'm going to wear it. Now, every new item doesn’t have to cost a lot of money but I don’t mind spending money on a few items. CPW (cost per wear) goes a long way. My raincoat I purchased at JCrew. It was $120 with 25% off, I think it ended up being $96 and if I wear that coat 8 times I’m down to $12 a wear. I plan on having that coat for the next 15 years, the CPW is gonna be so low!!!!!

-I know a lot of people say to get rid of items you don’t wear but I don’t fully believe it that. I have a little section in my closet of “special items”. I have a few vintage pieces, some old clothes of my moms from the 70s, a few items I loved and wore in high school, my wedding shoes! Just a handful of items that spark a special memory in my mind. I will not be getting rid of those things. They are staying and NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE! 

-Clean out the clutter in stages. Again, I know everyone says to purge all at once but I've had to purge a few times to get to a place where I feel really good about what I have. Every time I purge, it helps me see my closet in a different way and see more items that I don’t need and can get rid of. It also helps me see what I'm missing. It’s nice and comforting which is an odd thing to say but its the truth. Did I spell it’s/its correctly? Probably not. 

-This one is important. DON’T BUY SHIT JUST BECAUSE IT’S CHEAP. Now, if it’s something that you love and it’s in your size and you’ve been hunting that item, well then, that’s the universe rewarding you. But if it’s a fuzzy purple sweater at target thats a little big but you can make it work because you LIKE it to be oversized, walk the fuck away from that damn sweater. Look, I've made so many purchases because something was OMG SO CHEAP and at that moment, you think “I'm saving money, I’m smart!” but you really end up wasting your money. Good money. A few instances, an item surprises you and you wear the crap out of it but more than often it sits in your closet and you end up donating it. 

-I stopped buying Target clothes because those seemed to be the items that I kept donating when I purged my closet. I still buy accessories, under garments and some shoes but clothes and shoes are something I really stopped and you know what I still find plenty of other things to spend my money on in that place. 

-I don’t do seasonal closets. When I had a seasonal bin, I would throw everything in there and put it in the attic. Since I live in Ohio and our weather is fucking erratic, I would forget the bin was up there and not get it down and then already buy new things for that season and then have all this extra crap. Half of which I didn’t wear. Now, everything is in my closet at the same time and you know what, I can see it all. I love it. I know what I have and when one day is 35 degrees and the next is 80 degrees, I am prepared! 

-I really love reading about capsule wardrobes. I love seeing curated collections and filling out the questionnaires to get a better understanding of what my style looks like on paper. HOWEVER, I don’t like putting a specific # on my wardrobe.  To me, a wardrobe and style should have a feeling. If having a specific # works for you, then that’s what you should do! I like the 30x30 Remix to shake up your wardrobe if you need a little inspiration but I have found that limiting myself only makes me want to go out and buy everything. 

Just a few things I’ve thought about and wrote down recently. This post is long and repetitive but you know what, no one reads this and that is nice. 

PEACE. 

[axsomreport]

Headlines for September 12, 2018

Accuracy in Media

Politifact Labels Harris Tweet on Kavanaugh’s Abortion Position ‘False’ - 9/11/2018

Yahoo: Trump Doesn’t Even Know Which Land to Lease - 9/11/2018

Mainstream Media Finds No Sources in Favor of Trump PLO Announcement - 9/11/2018

CJR Writer Tries to Understand Tucker Carlson Without Introspection - 9/11/2018

MSNBC Gives Glowing Coverage to Obama for Criticizing Trump - 9/10/2018

Allen West The Old School Patriot

Leftists Overtaking My Hometown of Atlanta - 9/11/2018

Islamic Terrorists Want Dems to Win in November - 9/11/2018

The Traitorous Revision of History in the US - 9/10/2018

The Very Definition of Terrorism on Display - 9/8/2018

Alinsky, Trump, and an Anonymous Coup - 9/7/2018

Big League Politics

BREAKING: DOJ Set To Investigate Anti-Conservative Bias Among Social Media Giants - 9/11/2018

Twitter User Threatens Mass Murder of Trump Supporters, Account Still Active - 9/11/2018

Muslim Organization Tries To Bully Franklin Graham From Speaking In U.K. - 9/11/2018

Rabid Anti-Trump Leftist Attempts to Stab GOP Congressional Candidate - 9/11/2018

Leftist U.S. Senator Compares Russian Conspiracy Theory To 9/11 - 9/11/2018

Bizpac Review

GOP Rep. Scott Taylor explains how reenlisting after 9/11 changed his life forever - 9/11/2018

Crack pipe vending machines disguised as pen dispensers pop up in Long Island as school begins - 9/11/2018

Georgia school reignites debate over corporal punishment after reinstating paddling as punishment - 9/11/2018

President Trump honors 9/11 with a speech so powerful it leaves moved CNN hosts stunned - 9/11/2018

Carter Page: FBI probe not about me, it’s about tearing down Trump and all the good he’s doing - 9/11/2018

Breitbart News

Nancy Pelosi, Confident: 'I Will Be the Speaker of the House' - 9/12/2018

Pelosi: Dems Will Win House Because Some Republicans Aren’t ‘Going to Fight Us’ - 9/11/2018

Exclusive — ‘Possession of Drug Paraphernalia’ and Dozens of Other Charges: Ad Exposes Minnesota Democrat’s Brushes with Law - 9/12/2018

Support for Mayor Khan Crashes After Summer of Violence - 9/12/2018

UK Police Force Doubles Down on 'Non-Crime Hate Incidents' After Social Media Backlash - 9/12/2018

Chicks On The Right

Uh Oh. Salsa Dancing Cynthia Nixon Has Lost The All-Important Amy Schumer Vote. - 9/12/2018

Man Threatens Mass Shooting To Collect ‘Bloodstained MAGA Hats’ – Police On The Scene - 9/11/2018

Convenience Store Clerk Collapses In Medical Emergency – Teens Do The Unthinkable - 9/11/2018

Socialist Nutjob Caught In YET ANOTHER LIE - 9/11/2018

Don Jr. Says His Father Only Has A ‘Small’ Group Of People Within The White House He Can Trust - 9/11/2018

Consortiumnews

On the Brink with Russia in Syria Again, 5 Years Later - 9/12/2018

Beyond Bolton: The Path to a Progressive Foreign Policy - 9/11/2018

Letter from Britain: The Real Reason for the ‘Anti-Semite’ Campaign Against Jeremy Corbyn - 9/10/2018

Support Our Commitment to Independent Journalism - 9/10/2018

Moscow Has Upped the Ante in Syria - 9/9/2018

CNS

Trump Would Shut Down Government Over A Border Wall; Some Say He Should - 9/12/2018

Kenneth Starr Still Getting Hardballs - 9/12/2018

If Americans Can't Drive in Afghanistan, Can We Remake Syria? - 9/12/2018

UN Human Rights Council Gives Platform to Venezuelan Minister, Who Slams The US - 9/12/2018

The Purge - USA Network - 9/11/2018

Daily Caller News Foundation

Eddie Edwards Will Face Off Against Democrat Chris Pappas In New Hampshire’s 1st Congressional District - 9/11/2018

REPORT: Manafort Is Talking To Mueller About Reaching Plea Deal In Second Trial - 9/11/2018

Cardinal Wuerl To Meet With The Pope About RESIGNATION - 9/11/2018

Police Investigating Anonymous Threat Made At Trump Hotel Before MAGA Event - 9/11/2018

Molly Kelly Wins New Hampshire Democratic Primary, Faces Incumbent Sununu In November - 9/11/2018

Daily Wire

NBC News White House Correspondent Mocks Trump Saying 'Radical Islamic Terrorism' On 9/11 - 9/12/2018

WATCH: Son Of Woman Killed On 9/11 Seemingly Slams Pelosi And Booker For Using Victims as 'Props' - 9/12/2018

Bernie Sanders' Son Doesn't Do So Great In His Congressional Primary - 9/11/2018

Democratic Socialist Threatens To Shoot Up MAGA Event At Trump Hotel, Report Says - 9/11/2018

Pastor Gets Standing Ovation For Blunt Message To Nike - 9/11/2018

Dan Bongino

September 11, 2018: Ep. 804 New Texts Expose More Corruption - 9/11/2018

Do Illegal Aliens Really Commit Fewer Crimes? - 9/10/2018

September 10, 2018: Ep. 803 Is This Major Player in the Scandal Still Alive? - 9/10/2018

SPYGATE: The Characters You Need to Know - 9/9/2018

September 7, 2018: Ep. 802 Is Justice Coming? - 9/7/2018

Drudge Report Feed

Fearing destructive quake, California considers list of buildings likely to collapse... - 9/12/2018

Priest charged with sexually assaulting young girl... - 9/12/2018

Calls prevention summit... - 9/12/2018

Rat in Broth Wipes $190 Million Off Restaurant Chain's Value... - 9/12/2018

Jimmy Carter: Don't scare off moderates... - 9/12/2018

Eagle Rising

President Trump Remembers The Flight 93 Heroes - 9/11/2018

Georgia School Brings Back Paddling To Punish Students - 9/11/2018

Bolton Announces The Trump Admin Will Stop US Cooperation With The ICC - 9/11/2018

Wisconsin College Frowns On 9/11 Memorial Project Over Fears It Could Offend Muslims - 9/11/2018

TRUMP BOOM: Most Summer Travel, Higher Small Business Optimism Since Reagan, Lowest Unemployment Ever, MORE - 9/11/2018

FOX Business

Extradition case of Indian tycoon Vijay Mallya in UK court - 9/12/2018

A Decade Later: 5 Lingering Effects of the Financial Crisis - 9/12/2018

4 Retirement Planning Mistakes You Probably Don't Even Realize You're Making - 9/12/2018

Farmer Brothers (FARM) Q4 2018 Earnings Conference Call Transcript - 9/12/2018

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished for Social-Media Giants - 9/12/2018

FOX News

Florida woman doused husband's eyes with hot sauce during argument, police say - 9/12/2018

Hurricane Florence could bring catastrophic storm surges: What are they, and how can you prepare? - 9/12/2018

Hurricane Florence apps to use during the storm - 9/12/2018

Hurricane Florence churns in the Atlantic: How do these powerful tropical storms take shape? - 9/12/2018

Libyan officials say unknown missiles hit Tripoli airport - 9/12/2018

Gatestone Institute :: Articles

China's 'Digital' Totalitarian Experiment - 9/12/2018

Turkey's Latest Power Grab a Naval Base in Cyprus? - 9/12/2018

Pakistan: New Government Fails to Support Minorities - 9/11/2018

Are We Remembering 9/11 or Forgetting It? - 9/11/2018

Turkey: Torture, Sexual Abuse Rampant in Prisons - 9/10/2018

Geller Report

WATCH Moment ‘teenage’ migrants chase after UK-bound vans in broad daylight in sleepy French village - 9/11/2018

Terror-tied Muslims ‘proselytizing’ at U.S. school assemblies - 9/11/2018

‘Silent Donation’: Corporate Emails Reveal Google Executives Tried to Turn Out Latino Voters Who They Thought Would Vote For Clinton - 9/11/2018

WATCH: Ground Zero Mosque: Second Wave of the 9/11 Attacks - 9/11/2018

NYC: Racist, far-left principal trying to rid school of Jewish teachers: lawsuit - 9/11/2018

Hot Air

Report: Tennis umpires might boycott Serena Williams’s matches over “sexism” claim during U.S. Open fiasco - 9/11/2018

The Botham Jean killing: Should the cop be charged with manslaughter or murder? - 9/11/2018

Nikki Haley warns of ‘dire’ consequences if Russia and Iran continue attacks on Idlib, Syria - 9/11/2018

Pope Francis: The Great Accuser is hunting bishops these days; Update: Wuerl to discuss resigning with pope - 9/11/2018

“Unsung success”: Trump says handling of the Puerto Rico hurricane was some of the best disaster management ever - 9/11/2018

InfoWars

Emergency Report: Trump Must Take Action Now To Stop False Flags - 9/11/2018

Tech Gods Wipe Truth From Public View - 9/11/2018

Video: Amazon is Now Banning ‘Offensive’ Books - 9/11/2018

Spirit of America Captured: Bald Eagle Graces 9/11 Memorial - 9/11/2018

Report: Pyongyang Aims to Connect Railways of North, South Korea - 9/11/2018

Jihad Watch

9/11: Seventeen years have passed, and no end is in sight - 9/11/2018

Australia: Muslim preacher says its a “major sin” for wife to refuse husband’s demands for sex - 9/11/2018

Dartmouth prof: It’s good that 17 years after 9/11, people are finally forgetting about terrorism - 9/11/2018

France: Muslim who drove car onto airport runway said “I have been sent by Allah,” has “psychiatric fragility” - 9/11/2018

Muslim former Chicago resident indicted on charges he tried to join the Islamic State - 9/11/2018

Katrina Pierson

Peek: Above All, Obama Angry Trump has systematically chipped away at his legacy - 9/12/2018

Trump Reminds America “Radical Islamic Terrorists” Attacked Us on September 11th - 9/12/2018

Dershowitz: Strzok’s Claim About ‘Leak Strategy’ Doesn’t ‘Pass the Giggle Test’ - 9/12/2018

New Strzok-Page Texts Show Coordinated Media Leaks - 9/12/2018

The Drive-Bys Can’t Change Public Opinion on Trump and It’s Driving Them Crazy - 9/11/2018

LifeNews.com

Bioethicist Says Allowing Infanticide Does Not Violate a Baby’s Right to Life - 9/11/2018

Remember When California Spent $3 Billion for Embryonic Stem Cell Research. It Hasn’t Cured Any Patients - 9/11/2018

Thousands of Pro-Lifers March in Dominican Republic Against Legalizing Abortion - 9/11/2018

Actress Sally Field Reveals She Secretly Aborted Her Baby at 17 - 9/11/2018

Professors Argue Its OK to Euthanize Patients to Harvest Their Organs - 9/11/2018

LifeZette

Identity Politics ‘Invades Science’ on Campus: Here’s the Proof and the Pushback - 9/12/2018

Six Facts Say Papadopoulos Is Right to Think Downer, FBI Set Him Up - 9/12/2018

‘Careful What You Ask for’ Ahead of Midterms, Starr Warns Dems - 9/11/2018

Look Who Supported Roseanne Barr After She Was Fired - 9/11/2018

Happening Now: Mass Shooting Threat at Trump Hotel MAGA Event - 9/11/2018

Newsmax - America

GOP Sen. Collins Gets 'Vulgar' Calls Protesting Kavanaugh - 9/11/2018

Puerto Rico Gov. Rebukes Trump: 'Not a Successful Relationship' - 9/11/2018

Google Brings Back AI Expert With Military, Defense Ties - 9/11/2018

Florence Could Rival North Carolina's 1954 'Benchmark Storm' - 9/11/2018

WashPost: Archbishop Wuerl to Talk Resignation With Pope - 9/11/2018

Newsmax - Newsfront

Education Dept. Reopens Rutgers Case Alleging Anti-Semitism - 9/11/2018

Google Brings Back AI Expert With Military, Defense Ties - 9/11/2018

Hurricane Florence Has Ingredients That Make Experts Worry - 9/11/2018

Study: Obesity Makes You Stupid - 9/11/2018

Study: Obesity Makes You Stupid - 9/11/2018

Newsmax - Politics

GOP Sen. Collins Gets 'Vulgar' Calls Protesting Kavanaugh - 9/11/2018

Puerto Rico Gov. Rebukes Trump: 'Not a Successful Relationship' - 9/11/2018

Sessions Open to Probe of Social Media Giants - 9/11/2018

Report: Bush 43 to Help Fundraise for Select GOP Candidates - 9/11/2018

Chuck Schumer Slams Trump on 'Hurtful' Puerto Rico Comments - 9/11/2018

Newsmax - TheWire

Whale Sanctuary Blocked, Japan Pushes to End Commercial Hunting Ban - 9/11/2018

El Nino Event Is 70% Likely This Year, UN Says - 9/11/2018

Alex Trebek's Beard on 'Jeopardy!' Causes a Stir - 9/11/2018

Mac Miller Autopsy Performed, More Tests Needed in Rapper's Death - 9/11/2018

Lifelike Pediatric Robot Creeps Out Docs in Training - 9/11/2018

OAN Newsroom – One America News Network

Hurricane Florence prompts mass evacuations - 9/11/2018

WATCH: Potential False-Flag Attack in Syria Could Trigger U.S. Military Strike - 9/11/2018

FAA: Pilots advised to exercise great caution while in Iranian airspace - 9/11/2018

3 Chicago teens shot near high school - 9/11/2018

WATCH: Remembering 9/11 - 9/11/2018

Politichicks.com

Michelle Owens of the Center for Prosecutor Integrity Discusses DOJ and Corruption in DC - 9/12/2018

Anni Cyrus: Nike’s Kaepernick ‘Just Do It’ Jihad - 9/12/2018

Reminder: Benghazi “Whistleblowers” Confirm Lies, Deceit, Cover-ups - 9/11/2018

When is Enough? When All Firearms Are Taken Away! - 9/11/2018

Six Years of Benghazi: The Comfort of Friends - 9/11/2018

Populist.TV

How did the #CIA React to the Events of September 11, 2001? | Guest: @JohnKiriakou - 9/11/2018

How did the #CIA React to the Events of September 11, 2001? | Guest: @JohnKiriakou` - 9/11/2018

Remembering September 11, 2001 & What it Means to be a Patriot | Guest: @skepticalvet - 9/11/2018

Headlines + What’s Your Best Trick for Separating Truth from Fiction??? Call-In NOW @ 202-521-1320!! - 9/11/2018

What is the Current Situation in #Syria? - 9/11/2018

Sara A. Carter

McConnell Suggests ‘Ethics Inquiry’ over Cory’s ‘Unusual Behavior’ - 9/7/2018

Trump Calls on Sessions to Investigate Anonymous NYT Op-Ed Author - 9/7/2018

Corey Booker’s Grandstanding Stunt Backfires - 9/6/2018

Lawmakers Call on Trump to Declassify Carter Page FISA - 9/6/2018

Meadows: Demands AG Sessions Investigate Bruce Ohr’s Role with FBI - 9/5/2018

The American Conservative

U.S. Again Cries ‘Chemical Warfare’ in Syria - 9/11/2018

Congress’ Deadline for Yemen Certification Has Arrived - 9/11/2018

The Communalist Mormons Mitt Romney Would Have Hated - 9/11/2018

Is ‘Universal Authorship’ Such a Good Thing? - 9/11/2018

Sweden: The Latest Nationalist Domino - 9/11/2018

The Black Sphere

Chuck Schumer Comes Unplugged and Unhinged - 9/9/2018

‘Bleeding Blue’ Film Examines the Dangers and Politics of Policing in America (VIDEO) - 9/6/2018

‘Bleeding Blue’ Film Examines the Dangers and Politics of Policing in America (VIDEO) - 9/6/2018

Nike’s Bad Publicity * VIDEO * - 9/5/2018

Tiger Woods Defends Trump, Blasted by ESPN ***VIDEO*** - 9/1/2018

The Daily Signal

The Daily Signal Podcast: ‘Gosnell’ Filmmaker Shares Why This Story Had to Be Told - Invalid Date

Brett Kavanaugh’s Opponents Aren’t Really Against Him. They’re Against the Constitution. - Invalid Date

Newly Disclosed Strzok-Page Texts Shed New Light on ‘Media Leak Strategy’ at FBI, Justice - Invalid Date

America Has Strayed From Founders’ Vision for Economic Freedom and Limited Government, Walter Williams Says - Invalid Date

Government for Hire? Emails Show ‘Climate Industry’ Funds Jobs in Offices of Governors, Attorneys General - Invalid Date

The Epoch Times

Hurricane Florence Approaches Carolinas as Wind Speeds Reach 150 MPH - 9/12/2018

East Coast Military Bases Brace for Hurricane Florence - 9/12/2018

New York Beats London to Top Financial Center Spot Amid Brexit Fears - 9/12/2018

Shen Yun Symphony Orchestra Receives Rousing Welcome at Taiwan Airport - 9/12/2018

UK Prime Minister Theresa May Could Face Leadership Challenge - 9/12/2018

The Federalist

Podcast: Democrats Push Single Payer, Republicans Push Paid Family Leave - 9/11/2018

We Should Remember 9/11 Through The Lens Of Good Friday - 9/11/2018

Jim Carrey Urges Democrats To Embrace The Socialist Label - 9/11/2018

Read A Pile Of Top Nazis Talking About How They Love Leftist Marxism - 9/11/2018

U.K. Police Urge Citizens To Report Neighbors For ‘Offensive Or Insulting’ Speech - 9/11/2018

The Gateway Pundit

Obama-Hillary Fired Benghazi Heroes When they Got to Germany – Made Them Find Their Own Way Back to US (VIDEO) - 9/11/2018

Judicial Watch Sues Justice Department to Retrieve Emails Found on Weiner Laptop - 9/11/2018

Brit Hume Proves Once Again that GOP Elites Can Never Be Trusted to Lead Ever Again (VIDEO) - 9/11/2018

Breaking: More Strzok-Page Text Messages Show Coordination of FBI-DOJ to Destroy Trump with Planted Media Leaks - 9/11/2018

Stabbing Suspect Farzad Fazeli Facebook Rant About GOP, Trump: ‘Street Gangs Have a Code to Clean House’ - 9/11/2018

The Western Journal

Adrian Rogers: The Poison of Pornography - 9/11/2018

Man Appears To Take Shot at Kaepernick from 9/11 Memorial Stage - 9/11/2018

Watch: Nancy Pelosi and Cory Booker Get Scolded at 9/11 Memorial by Victim’s Family - 9/11/2018

5 Prayers for Those Who Are Stuck Waiting - 9/11/2018

Serena Williams, One of the Best Tennis Players Ever, Embraces the Left’s Victim Mentality - 9/11/2018

TownHall

School Disciplinary Policies Must Be Local - 9/11/2018

If Americans Can't Drive in Afghanistan, Can We Remake Syria? - 9/11/2018

Scooters Outrun Law - 9/11/2018

The Case Against Krissy Noble and How Drug and Gun Laws Deprive Us of Fundamental Rights - 9/11/2018

The Medicare-for-All Hoax - 9/11/2018

TownHall News

Merkel: "No excuse" for far-right violence in demonstrations - 9/12/2018

World stocks mixed as China hits at looming US tariffs - 9/12/2018

The Latest: Florence steadily making way to US East Coast - 9/12/2018

Algerian generals, others fired without explanation - 9/12/2018

EU eyes beefed-up coast guard to protect outside borders - 9/11/2018

twitchy.com

‘I am coming with a gun’: Twitter rando threatens to collect ‘bloodstained MAGA hats’ at Trump hotel meet-up - 9/11/2018

‘Incredible gesture’! Here’s what Jake Tapper is doing with his advance for the film version of his book - 9/11/2018

Center for Immigration Studies says Twitter is tagging the phrase ‘illegal alien’ as ‘hateful content’ - 9/11/2018

Man arrested for attempting to stab Republican congressional candidate; made ‘disparaging remarks’ about GOP - 9/11/2018

‘You BLEW it’! It doesn’t take long for Tomi Lahren’s hot 9/11 take to fizzle - 9/11/2018

Washington Examiner Politics

Washington Post scoop on GOP gubernatorial candidate Ron DeSantis landed with a thud - 9/11/2018

Jon Tester, Congress' second-biggest recipient of lobbyist cash, rails against money in politics - 9/11/2018

17 years after 9/11, a warning from Abraham Lincoln - 9/10/2018

Swedish populists gain ground; Europe's leaders can only stop such movements with policy changes - 9/10/2018

Voters still care a lot about regulating Wall Street - 9/9/2018

Washington Times: Faith & Family

Donald Wuerl to talk resignation with Pope Francis in Vatican - 9/11/2018

Vatican official: Sex abuse scandal is church's 'own 9/11' - 9/11/2018

Doug Lamborn demands DOJ probe Colorado for 'harassment' of Christian baker Jack Phillips - 9/10/2018

Vatican promises 'clarifications' to pope cover-up claims - 9/10/2018

Donald Trump, Melania Trump send Rosh Hashanah message - 9/9/2018

Washington Times: Inside the Beltway

Inside the Beltway: News media fixates on 'Trump's Katrina' and Hurricane Maria - 9/11/2018

Inside the Beltway: America remains steadfast on 9/11 anniversary - 9/10/2018

Inside the Beltway: Media attacks on Trump run like clockwork - 9/9/2018

Inside the Beltway: Trump resistance now 'an emergency,' say organizers - 9/6/2018

Inside the Beltway: Democrats faulted for joining Kavanaugh chaos - 9/5/2018

Washington Times: Inside Politics

Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski hit by anti-Kavanaugh ad blitz - 9/11/2018

Ann Coulter stands up for Jeff Sessions - 9/11/2018

John Brennan endorsed anti-Trump Steele dossier: Bob Woodward - 9/11/2018

Newt Gingrich, Republicans float new Contract with America - 9/11/2018

Bernie Sanders' son in crowded New Hampshire primary field - 9/11/2018

Washington Times: National

Belgrade airport closed after tires burst on plane - 9/12/2018

Merkel: "No excuse" for far-right violence in demonstrations - 9/12/2018

India nabs man suspected of killing dozens of truck drivers - 9/12/2018

Putin says Russia identified suspects in Novichok poisoning - 9/12/2018

Ryanair pilots, flight attendants go on strike in Germany - 9/12/2018

Washington Times: Politics

Plea to be heard for benefits of worker illegally in country - 9/12/2018

AP FACT CHECK: Obama doesn't always tell the straight story - 9/11/2018

Jimmy Carter cautions Democrats not to scare off moderates - 9/11/2018

Months of deadly unrest devastate Nicaragua's economy - 9/11/2018

Eddie Edwards, Trump-backed candidate, wins New Hampshire Republican U.S. House primary - 9/11/2018

WayneDupree.com

Ex-NIKE Exec Who Embezzled $77K Will Spend 13 Months In Jail - 9/12/2018

George W. Bush To Help Campaign And Raise Money For GOP Candidates - 9/11/2018

Defeated Schumer! Love For Senate To Turn Blue But Geography Is Against Us - 9/11/2018

WayneDupree.Com Named To Top 100 Conservative Websites — No. 50 - 9/11/2018

Nike Gains Back 3.3 Billion Stock Loss - 9/11/2018

[boricuagoddess79]

Happy New Year everyone!! Its been a while since I’ve written and it’s simply or rather not simply been because the latter half of 2017 was whirlwind. It happens. I helped plan our high schools 20th reunion this past September, Kiddo was struggling with turning in his work on time and grades were suffering because 13 year olds…amirite? And then the holidays of course. I ended up having emergency surgery in December to remove the LapBand that I only had for 18 months. The good thing was I had lost 100 lbs, the sad thing was it almost killed me by slipping, and even worse I still owe $7,000 on that surgery and lord knows what the bill for this will be. I didn’t eat for 10 days and well the icing on the cake was a tree hit my house on New Years Eve. Clearly in  a past life i angered the gods and apparently their time to shine was fourth quarter of 2017. It wasn’t all bad here’s a trip down memory lane for the year before i get to the reason for my post.

  January: My first visit to Chicago!

January: Stood up to the Patriarchy and marched for Human/Womens Rights

February: Finally saved up enough money to paint my house. Now its not thescary house on the hill!

March: The Harlem Globetrotters ❤

March: The Harlem Globetrotters come to Mics school to help stand up to bullies

April: We scored tickets to the Playoffs

May: Taught myself how to install a light

June: Got to see my grandpa

June: Family Reunions Cousins

July: Lost a childhood friend. Honor the Moon

August: Fake Bachlorette Party- Level Epic

September: Niceville 20th Class Reunion

October: Happy Halloween!

November: Freedom is a beautiful thing, Welcome home Pat!

December: Finally! 100 lbs!

December: Part 2 emergency Surgery

December Part 3- The damn Tree

So now that that is out-of-the-way onto the Getting Rid of 100 Things. When I saw my friend on Facebook post it, i had to pause and i thought hmm how would i do this. The woman who posted it is full of wisdom and always inspires me to think so i knew not to take this lightly. Sure we can look at it physically throw away 100 items. Easy. But I thought I could mix it up to just try to improve my life in general. Yes, there will be a physical purge at some point but i thought it only right that my first thing to “Get Ride Of” is UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.

It’s a new year. If you haven’t been constantly reminded of it by all the New Year New Me posts on Facebook then you’re lucky. I don’t normally make resolutions because I have a hard time committing to anything. Hell, I’m surprised me and my shadow still hang out. But I bit into the hype as one does and mixed in with having my LapBand removed and the fear of gaining weight i decided to sign up for a Women’s Half Marathon in November and that I was going to go on a low carb diet to get these last chunk of lbs off. I figured that i would lose 23 lbs in a month (WTF) AND RUN. Can I tell you that a week in  I was sticking to the diet, worked out but jumped on the scale and i was 15 lbs heavier. Now before you oooh and gasp I need to remind you that prior to this I had emergency surgery, had not eaten for 10 days and then was on a liquid diet for a week so in that time I lost 25 lbs. Its only natural to gain it back for the health of your body as nourishment comes back to sustain you.

But I wasn’t reminding myself of that. I had failed. I gained weight back (which after weight loss surgery, it becomes your biggest fear) i had jumped into bad habits of thinking negatively, I stopped telling myself nice things in the mirror, I criticized my body who really did work very hard this year. I ate sad high protein food and punished myself when I didn’t lose 5 lbs overnight. I found myself crying and depressed and basically had resigned myself to dying alone, undiscovered for years on my couch. Yes I have a flair for the dramatic and it gets the best of me from time to time.

When I saw my friend post the #GetRidOf100Things i sat and thought and came to the idea that my first trash out for the new year was to get rid of the negativity. And that meant, for me. to Get Rid of Unrealistic Expectations. Not only as it pertained to my health, but overall when interacting with people. So ill break it down in the areas where I think this could benefit.

UNREALISTIC BODY EXPECTATIONS: Yes run that half marathon, do it for fun for camaraderie, do it for the adventure. Do not get mad if you don’t finish by a certain time, half to walk a little or are the last one to finish. Do not feed yourself sad food that makes you feel even sadder. Yes make better food choices, portion control, but if you want a piece of pie eat the damn pie. There’s no such thing as bad food enjoy the moment in moderation. Understand that a 23 lbs weight loss in a month isn’t healthy. When I had the LapBand I lost up to 1-1 1/2 lbs a week and i was ok with that. Eventually it got me to a 100 lbs weight loss (OK 85 now that I’m eating again) but if I was happy with a lb then, why all of a sudden is anything less than 7 lbs a week unacceptable?! Who wants to live like that. Stop setting myself up for failure of the heart and mind, I’m not going to win Miss Hawaiian Tropic and I’m OK with that.

UNREALISTIC RELATIONSHIPS: Honey if he’s just not that into you, there is nothing you can do to salvage that. This year I held onto, clawed and grabbed and tried to feed an unhealthy relationship because we had been friends for 15 years. I figured if the moon aligned right, i won the lottery, dressed pretty, was agreeable and the moon rose over Capricorn (whatever the eff that means) that it would just come together and guess what? all the sweetness in the world couldn’t make that work. In the end this person couldn’t even call me on my birthday and refused to sit with me in the hospital while i was waiting emergency surgery. Lesson here: You can’t get blood from a turnip. And I’m done trying to sell myself the story that i can. Next time ill read the room early and leave in time to enjoy the day.

  UNREALISTIC TIME CONSTRAINTS: If I can do it I will, if i cant oh well. It is what it is

    UNREALISTIC FUTURES: I have a vivid imagination. Oftentimes it gets the best of me and I go dark. Like real dark. I tend to think about the things that i don’t have and spiral down from there. Well circle back to me dying on the couch. In this scenario, I’m 38 years old, I’m unmarried and a single mom of one child, a dog and a cat. Often i think about how my son is almost a grown adult and will be going away soon to college or start his life. I imagine he wont call or come home often (even though he’s been raised better) and my married friends and family are all far away. I’m too old to date (nonsense) and I’m going to end up old and alone and no one is going to hold my hand as i leave this good earth. What the actual macabre shit brain!? So I’m going to try my best to not doom and gloom myself to the point of insanity. The next time I’m home on a Saturday watching TV and the cat is in my lap and my kid is upstairs ignoring me it’s just what it is. It’s not an indicator of what is to come and i will not in fact die on the recliner alone with the cat eating my face……you see what i did there? this ones gonna take work 😉

UNREALISTIC COMPARISONS: I will refuse to compare my journey with others. I will not look at Facebook pictures and get sad because my life isn’t like XYZ or that I cant buy a car like XYZ or that i wish i could buy those expensive xyz like XYZ. Not gonna do it. Its poison and leads to ungratefulness.

  And that’s it. For my first throw away I am going to choose better health and get rid of Unrealistic expectations. What 100 things can you get rid of? I’d love to hear!

  Get Rid of 100 Things: Chapter 1 Happy New Year everyone!! Its been a while since I've written and it's simply or rather not simply been because the latter half of 2017 was whirlwind.