#I can’t handle the pain
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Sometimes I just wanna talk about old man! Logan and Laura and Charles all being a family unit living on a nice ranch somewhere in the country and the reader is Logan’s wifey and they’re all happy BECAUSE ITS WHAT THEY FUCKING DESERVE!
Reader is the mom that steps up, treats Laura as her own daughter and they’re both close and love each other. The reader takes care of Laura, guards her with her life the same way her daddy does, and Charles tells them of the stories about the X-Men and he’s essentially the grandpa of the family and he talks to Laura all the time too. Logan is at peace and he isn’t sick and he continues to live with the new family he’s made and maybe eventually he gets to have another addition to the family as a surprise. I WANT THEM HAPPY OKAY! ITS WHAT I WANT FOR THEM! IN MY WORLD NOBODY FUCKING DIES AND THE OG LOGAN AND LAURA HAVE THE FATHER/DAUGHTER DYNAMIC THEY DESERVE!
#logan howlett#old man! logan#logan howlett imagine#wolverine imagine#idk if I’ve talked about this before but idc!#as you can see#I feel very passionately about this#bye they mean so much to me I cry#maybe I’ll write a fic idk#I might have to watch Logan (2017) for it tho#but I refuse!#I can’t handle the pain
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Conflicting thoughts wake me from the Dead Sea of what should be dreams
#I can’t love you any harder than I already do#this is why I do drugs#cut out the noise#I can’t handle the pain#meds aren’t enough
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I want the human/cybertronian life difference to be talked about more in canon
Cuz I mean. it’s RIGHT THERE.
Just a smidgen of true acknowledgment I BEG YOU HASBRO‼️
i mean come on all it takes is someone mentioning how long the wars been going for one of the humans to go “4 MILLION YEARS???? WHAT THE FUCK HOW OLD ARE YOU???”
And optimus or ratchet to be like “…5/7 million?” And all of the humans to have a break down CUZ WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUVE BEEN ALIVE SINCE BEFORE THE HUMAN SPECIES EXISTED??? WE WERE MONKEYS WHEN YOU WERE BORN???
And the (woefully uniformed) cybertronians to be like “??? What do YOU mean your species was still evolving when I onlined, how long do you guys live?? A thousand?? A few hundred??”
And the gobsmacked humans to be like “??? NO WE HARDLY LIVE OVER A HUNDRED ITS CONSIDERED AN ACCOMPLISHMENT?? AVERAGE OLD AGE DEATH IS LIKE MID 80s!! TECHNICALLY THE AVERAGE LIFE SPAN IS 72 OR SOMETHING???”
Cue the autobots being like “😨 72??? THATS A CHILD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT⁉️”
the more attached/emotional bots looking at their charges and realizing that not only are they sparklings compared to them but they’ll die as sparklings too in just a few decades, causing them to straight up have a mini meltdown.
Yeah they’re in a war and they’ve lost plenty of friends, but never to anything as predictable and inescapable as old age.
It’s the seeing-it-coming part that gets to them, the slow dread of knowing that even if they do everything right and keep them out of danger and they stay healthy there’s nothing they can do to stop them from withering away in a couple of decades.
Most versions of bumblebee looking at their charge/friend and realizing his assumptions about the fact that since they’re both still young that they’ll have plenty of time to just. Live together and have fun- are wrong?? Immediately tears. Even if cybertronians can’t cry tears he’s doing whatever the equivalent is and running away to cry in his room. And then running back to snatch them and take them with him cuz HE CANT WASTE A SECOND IF THEIR LIFESPANS ARE REALLY THAT SHORT HES GONNA JUST HAVE TO SPEND 24/7 WITH THEM
This whole concept ESPECIALLY applies to TFP since all of them got their own little human buddy and there’s only like 5 autobots to begin with (of the main season 1 crew) they’ve lost so many of their own so recently, their numbers are already dwindling down to nothing, they’re losing the war and the kids are what’s given them a major morale boost. To continue fighting they need hope, and the kids have kind of become their hope for the future- to know they’ll die off in under a century despite how young they still are is a shot to the spark.
Look me in the eye and tell me bee wouldnt panic hearing that Raf only has 70-80 years to live. LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME HE WOULDNT HAVE SOME KIND OF FIT OVER BEING TOLD THAT HIS LITTLE BUDDY (from a cybertronian perspective) HAS A LIFESPAN EQUIVALENT TO A LATE STAGE TERMINAL ILLNESS DIAGNOSIS. Bee would start treating Raf like a kid with stage 4 cancer 😭
I just KNOW bulkhead would have the worst reaction other than bee, maybe even worse cuz he looks at miko and realizes she’s used up basically a fifth of her entire lifespan already and she’s Still So Little and straight up starts weeping. That’s his DAUGHTER you can’t take her from him so soon it’s not FAIR! He might have to go destroy a canyon wall or something to let some of the anger and grief out
Arcee is Not taking it well either.
She JUST got attached to this one, just got used to a new partner and your telling her that no matter what she does he’s never going to last as long as tailgate of cliff jumper did?? Even if both he and she do everything they’re supposed to do to protect him and extended his life?? Depression time baby
Optimus and ratchet don’t react as much outwardly to the news as the others but inside they’re both 💔💥
These kids have brought optimus a level of contentment he hasn’t felt in vorns, and he sees how bright their spirits shine- Only to now know those precious spirits will burn out in less than a century- it gnaws at him inside, yet another strike from the cruelty of fate
Ratchet is devastated but refuses to acknowledge it, these kids- yes even miko- have become his pseudo grandkids and he’s not ready, nor will he ever be ready, to outlive them. Jacks reminds him too much of a younger optimus, still learning and still hopeful. Miko is… well she has a fire to her that ratchet can appreciate (when she’s not actively annoying him) she’s determined enough to make anything happen which he does begrudgingly respect even if he wishes she wouldn’t just throw herself into any and every situation just for fun.
And Raf…
Raf is his apprentice, the only one of the kids to understand him and listen intently to his stories of cybertron. To show appreciation for his work and his ideas, to Listen and Learn and Improve his inventions. He harbors the most fondness for Raf since he sees so much potential in him, and has taken him under his wing in teaching him cybertronian language and biology.
He feels almost like he’s training a student to take his place- only for the ground to be ripped out from under him to know that Raf will never have the chance to succeed him, will never even outlive him.
A parent should never have to bury their child, and ratchet already feels that he has.
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TLDR the autobots find out humans have fruit fly lifespans next to them and become one big soggy mess of tears, optimus and ratchet included although they try to have a stiff upper lip about it (and fail to varying extents)
I swear this was supposed to be about any and all continuities but TFP took over completely😭 idk it just fits the best since they focus so much on how attached the bots get to the kids
Edit: btw this was inspired from the fact I found out that the cybertronian equivalent to a year (yes I know technically they have solar cycles which are roughly a human year but what they consider a year vs their lifespan/time perception is different) is a vorn. A vorn is 80 HUMAN YEARS. I saw that and went “oh wow a vorn is like a whole human lifespan!😃” and then I went “OH A VORN IS A WHOLE HUMAN LIFESPAN 😀“
#transformers#tfp#transformers prime#Fr tho i feel like ratchet would have an initial outward reaction of shock and mild horror#perhaps some anger(already going through the stages of grief💀)#and then he shuts them out cuz he can’t handle it 💔#tries to pretend it doesn’t bother him#OH MY GOD HES IN SO MUCH PAIN#optimus doesn’t shut them out but he is a lot more quiet#always has his version of sad puppy eyes when he watches them#like this 🥺 but way way toned down#basically just the eyebrows and small frown#considering he only does micro expressions that’s the best ur gonna get from him#optimus#ratchet#arcee#bumblebee#bulkhead#optimus prime#maccadam
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can everyone toss some prayers/good thoughts/positive vibes/well wishes in my direction bc my cat has a bladder stone forming and she’s going to be okay but she’s just not acting like herself and its so worrying and i know it doesnt seem like a big deal but i love her so much and i just want her to be okay
#she’s been to the vet and has meds+special food#i just can’t handle seeing her like this#i love her so so much and the thought of her in pain is very difficult#and its very hard not to spiral
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#hurting#in pain#dying#jacob please#i can’t handle much more#jake kiszka#greta van fleet#gvf#jakedown
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there is something so entirely fucked about Louis’ psyche… look at it all! the physical beatings to an obscene degree, the damaging affairs, the psychological warfare, the public humiliation, the participation in the murder of their only beloved daughter. Lestat does this all to him, or a significant amount even if memory is playing its wicked games. Lestat is a vicious horrible thing with his teeth marks on every part of Louis and yet even with decades of freedom, a new partner, the ability to recognise and condemn cruelty and abusive actions, Louis still wants him back. Knowing what he is, what he can do, Louis wants him back. It never mattered if vampires can dream, for Lestat haunts his waking days, a torturous vision of the only living one Louis really loves.
#LOUIS GIRL YOU’RE INSANE??????????#lestat is so fucked and unhealthy but like Louis wants him??? I feel like people brush past that a lot#this isn’t a tortured young woman in a basement refusing to leave because she can’t handle freedom#this is knowing freedom and ‘better’ (armand is a liar and batshit too! but I doubt he’s throwing louis off towers rn)#feeling freedom for DECADES being told you can get out and do better#after basically being tortured by a guy who you loudly proclaim to hate#but you want him. you love him. he haunts you. you’d give the world for him back. even after everything he did#lestat is the type of man to burn up the entire world. louis is the type of man to see all the bodies and take him back anyway#louis has two deaths that mark his conscience but otherwise. otherwise…#louis will never forgive what happened to claudia. but he will take lestat back. and love him.#the real pain was that she was right! it was lestat for louis. always. and he never ever ever ever wanted his daughter dead#he loved her adored her. he did. it was never enough love. he loved her truly though#but somehow at the same time. it was always going to be lestat. fuck!!!!!!!#louis my complicated angel!! they will try flatten you but I see all your horrid glory#amc iwtv#iwtv#iwtv spoilers#jacob anderson#sir you need all of the emmys. this is the performance of a lifetime. im gonna go listen to bloodsport brb
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i am humbly asking for your favorite byler, tenrose, avatrice and/or aziracrow fanfics featuring mutual pining, loads and loads of hurt/comfort and angst with a happy ending. please, i am starved for it
#i wanna feel pain#but there needs to be comfort at the end#i can’t handle hvrt no comfort#can’t handle sad endings#tenrose#byler#aziracrow#avatrice#will byers#mike wheeler#rose tyler#tenth doctor#aziraphale#crowley#ava silva#sister beatrice#stranger things#doctor who#good omens#warrior nun
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STOPPPP. HERE HE ISNT TOUYA. HE ISNT DABI. HE ISNT ANYONE WHO HAS SUFFERED. IN MY ARMS HE IS SAFE!!! IN MY ARMS, LAYING ON MY CHEST, MY LIPS AGAINST HIS FOREHEAD??? HE’S JUST MINE. AND THAT MEANS HE’S BELOVED AND PROTECTED AND SAFE ABOVE ALL ELSE. HE IS FREE TO LEAVE AND LOVE AS HE WISHES. HE IS FREE TO BE HIMSELF. THIS IS A SPACE OF NO PAIN. HE IS NO VERSION OF HIMSELF IN PAIN UNLESS THEY ARE HEALING
dabi always has an undercurrent sweeping through his body of pain. he is parts of a once whole body messily stitched back together with no anesthesia or aftercare. he can’t feel if you run your fingers over the bumpy skin of his scars, but he can feel the fire still licking and tearing through his skin and into his veins, just as intense as the day he died but didn’t stay dead.
recently though, he’s found the pain is easier to ignore, at least when he was with you. when you smile at him, or gently trace your lips against the rough edge of burn across his chest, all the while mouthing soothing words, the pain is put on low, barely a simmer against the surface.
down the road, he’ll look at you one day and realize that while yes, he was in pain, most of it was from the rage that filled his heart. the rage that tore him apart at his seams and seeped out until all he could see was blue flames. he’ll realize that you were the reason the rage in his heart gradually started to have less and less room as his love for you took over. maybe this is what they meant when they talk about healing.
#stop making me cry about him I can’t handle it anon#im a firm believer that dabi has chronic pain#and while love does not make pain go away it does make it easier to handle#in my opinion anyway#asks#anon#dabi#mat’s dabi#dabi fanfic#dabi fanfiction#dabi fluff#dabi angst#not really but at first?#my hero academia fanfiction#my hero academia headcanons#dabi x you#dabi x self insert#dabi x gender neutral reader#dabi x y/n#dabi headcanons#mat’s writing
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I thought I liked Blue Eye Samurai until they played Metallica, NOW IM OBSESSED!!
#i can’t get enough of this show. i can’t wait for season 2#warning though. if you have a faint of heart. don’t watch it.#but if you can handle such extreme mature scenes. then I can’t not recommend it enough!!#LOVE MIZU SO MUCH.#her pain and suffering. everything she does is so unbelievably powerful for me.#blue eye samurai
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:/
#ok kids. lesson of the day#don’t try to argue with your bank app at 3am#bc your card WILL get blocked if you put the wrong code in too many times#this is a problem for Monday Me but.. urgh#in other news: family health? not great#not great indeed#mum can barely walk#dad is on new meds#it’s a mess#also. the vet. I forgot about the vet bill#and the trash collecting tax#and the gas issue I have at home#..alright. I may have a few problems here#I think I’ll skip the GP this time around#I’ll handle the pain#can’t afford a specialist rn#anyway.. my break is here.#the hiatus is mini but mighty#which means that I am locking in bc I need to focus#you all take care while I’m away ok?#sneaky niki
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boy smash mouth was right. the hits start coming and they don’t stop coming
#couldn’t sleep . worried about still missing cat. starting to think he’s dead (can’t mentally handle it though)#so i got up and started cleaning . sister calls me she’s on the way to the ER because she’s in excruciating pain. still don’t know#what’s wrong. okay well let me just get my mind off of it by doing the dishes- why is there no water coming from the sink.#check all the faucets. nothing. so now we gotta call the water company and ask what happened.#also i need a shower . and a warm nap. and good food. none of this is easily available rn so ummm i guess i’ll just sit here and play sims
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Anyone who complains about trans dudes with big chests “not even trying to bind” owes me $1000 towards getting top surgery. Put your money where your mouth is or shut the fuck up.
#haven’t been able to bind since last October and damn#feel like shit about it#not because of these kinds of comments per say more just typical dysphoria#but between back pain and a decreased ability to handle heat I just can’t do it I couldn’t even when it was cooler out#and now you want me to bind??? in the summer???? IN TEXAS?????#bitch I overheat from going down the hall at work. shut up. PayPal me $1000.#buy my flat chest. for several thousand dollars I won’t even have to bind.
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I wanna be your child :3
I thought I was your child 🤨
but I will gladly be your mother 🥰
#Omg#so like actually#I want kids so bad#When I’m older obvi but#I want like two or so#But I don’t wanna go through the process bc your girl can’t handle pain WHATSOEVER.
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i really don’t know how i’m supposed to work every day for the rest of my life :) does anyone know :)
#knight rambles#i am in so much pain#and i told my boss that and she had one of my coworkers help me for about an hour and then i was on my own#and a boomer coughed in my face today and i am not handling that well if you were wondering like AUGHHHHHHHHHHH 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪#WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪#And they keep the store so fucking hot so i’m always overheated so i can’t even wear a mask because that would make me even hotter#going to watch asmr or something to cool down because i am v fired up
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one thing about hbo is that when they get a journalist coming up to them and going “man do i have a fucked up story i want to follow” they really do let that person go wild. i’ve mentioned the way the ronan farrow one really moved me emotionally and that’s just because ronan knows how to investigate and tell a story to get you righteously angry for who it is he’s defending. he’s good at his job!
but this one, quiet on the set, has genuinely made my jaw drop a few times, even if i think some of the framing could have been better in the last episode. of course i know about all the rumors about dan schneider and the abuse on set, it’s hard to have been into the teen nick scene and not notice, and it’s pretty easy to figure out which kids were being harmed through too much attention and which were being harmed through not enough attention, and there’s been all sorts of rumors floating around for over a decade!
but the build up to the drake bell reveal was well handled, i thought. i was initially skeptical because i think it’s hard to make a documentary about child sexual abuse without leaning into being exploitative in some way. and at first, where you have the actors who left early, like katrina, or who you remember but weren’t mega famous like giovannie, and they’re all saying “this set was so weird & inappropriate, i knew something was wrong but i didn’t have the experience or vocabulary to say what” it feels a little too schlocky. like, oh we’re just kind of speculating on the inappropriate nature of dan’s “friendship” with amanda bynes for two episodes? yeah it is fucked up that two pedophiles were on that set, but did they hurt anyone on set?
and then drake bell walks into the room dressed like timmy turner and says it was me. he hurt me.
i can’t stop thinking about the choice of clothes here and the way it helps drive home the point of the doc. he’s sitting there in fairly odd parents colors as an adult and can’t describe the sexual trauma he experienced as a child still, has never spoken about it, had his mom lie to his father over it because he was so screwed up. really driving home the point that he was just a kid who had a knack for physical comedy and it got him preyed on by dan, a man who should have protected him, set up and handed over to a monster who traumatized him for months and years.
but when that reporter said she got a judge to let them unseal the court documents because drake bell told her how much support peck had? my jaw dropped, like yeah this is reporting, this is someone who saw this story and finally fucking cared not about the salacious details but about who knew what and why they did nothing to stop this from happening. it’s not about forcing drake bell or katrina jackson or alexa to live through the worst moments of their life - it’s about how so many people knew what was going on and didn’t do a god damn thing to stop it. it’s about how these monsters, these convicted pedophiles, were given access to little kids to hurt and traumatize and everyone knew and didn’t just look the other way, they actively helped cover it up. THATS the story. Not that it was an isolated tragedy but that it was a clinical, purposeful environment built by people who wanted to harm little kids.
#i think the court stuff should have been handled better there was too much speculation#but eps 1-3 were real solid investigatory work#quiet on set#okay i might be done freaking out about this.#but like. it’s drake bell. it’s amanda bynes. it’s jeannette mccurdy. i grew up with them.#it’s so horrific to learn this stuff. i get why my grandma always cried talking about drew barrymore.#rani makes text posts no one will read#also can’t help thinking about how all the child actors under kenny ortega were way more well adjusted. imo bc he took pains to help them.#like dove talking about how she got plastic surgery bc she was pressured into it.#and then got ti descendants and met cameron & he was like ‘leave your boyfriend he’s an abuser’#that’s just not something that would happen on other sets! shit it’s not something that would happen on other disney sets!#at the end of the day it is in fact so easy to just. care about the children who work for you!!#but the thing is. most of these people don’t! they don’t even care about the adults either!!#that story about the writers was so fucked up!!! she can’t even actually recount the story#she’s so embarassed and ashamed that she went along with it!!!#insists she’d do differently now. of course she would she isn’t a broke 22 year old!!!#god it all just sucks. hollywood is evil idk what else to say.
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#meg talks#feeling really down and frustrated#ever since i caught covid over the new year ive just been doing so badly#it’s now halfway through may and not only am i having all sorts of weird new pain problems#to the point where i dragged myself to the er yesterday bc my usual meds didn’t do shit for me and i spent seven hours writhing in pain#but also mentally im just. constantly tapped out#before covid i was able to keep up w news and work on research projects and write multiple image descriptions every day and read books#and keep up w friends all while working full time#like even if i was in bed p much whenever i wasn’t at work i could still read and write and carry conversations#now it’s like i can only handle all of these things in small doses before my brain just shuts off#im still keeping up w news and describing what i can and working on my research projects and trying to make connections#but i feel so slow abt everything i do#it’s driving me up the wall#ive been trying for days to get through this one academic paper that’s rlly not even that long#and i just can’t do it. not for long anyway i have to read in small bursts#and then having to take muscle relaxants for these fucking spasms that make me really drowsy and sleep the whole day away…#idk. it might not even be abt covid i might be reading too much into it but it’s just pissing me off. thinking abt how nobody masks anymore#and how every time there’s a covid outbreak i won’t be able to properly protect myself or my brothers from it#bc of this fuckass job#idk im just tired and upset
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