#I can’t believe I am to be a mature adult in a serious work force

[thebooki3h]

I can't stop thinking about a Lukadamianette fic that starts with

“She looked at the carnage around her, and knew one thing, she will NEVER let herself be that weak EVER again”

This is after years of fighting Hawkmoth and getting no where. Hawkmoth progressively got to be as bad as Joker or Scarecrow. The lasting psychological damage that he left on Paris’s citizens would be a permanent scar in France’s history. Marinette has been isolated from her class for years. Lila’s reign of terror completely destroyed her self worth as Marinette and all of the pressure she has been under from all aspects of her life have taken a SERIOUS toll on her.

Her parents don’t trust her anymore after Lila’s lies got to them. At first they didn’t believe them, but Marinette lied to them because of her ladybug duties and they couldn’t trust her anymore. They basically don’t let Marinette do anything outside of school activities and working at home (somehow , thank Kwami, she convinced them to let her keep her online boutique as MDC). Jagged has been dn always will be a major supporter of her MDC brand. He truly becomes uncle jagged and he and penny are the only adults that Marinette trusts completely. They are always there to support her even if they are not always physically there. Uncle J has introduced her to many other big names so she can design for them for big events. She has even designed for the avengers. (it started out as designing for Tony and Pepper for a red carpet event and Tony liked it so much he had her design the avengers suits especially Peter’s because Peter is a huge fan of hers.) She now talks to Tony about once a month, because she and Peter grew to be close friends and talk regularly. She even thought about giving him he spider miraculous, but she deduced that he was Spiderman from his measurements and knew he didn’t need it.

Luka, Kagami and Chloe are Marinette's only friends in Paris . They all have their corresponding miraculous. They all know their identities as part of team miraculous. Marinette is known to them as the user of the mouse miraculous, because after Chat Noir’s advances and eventual defection to Hawkmoth’s side she can’t trust anyone with Ladybug’s identity. Team miraculous have all become apart of the Order and are Guardians in training. Ladybug being Grand Guardian ofc. Any other miraculous users are no longer a part of the team because if Marinette can’t trust them as a civilian she can’t trust them as heroes.

Chat Noir defected to Hawkbitches side because he was suffering from an imbalance in the miraculous. Ladybug is a true holder for her miraculous, but Chat Noir was not a true holder. He was in fact supposed to be a temporary solution, but Fu didn’t think that Hawkmoth’s reign of terror would last as long as it did. (he also lost his memory pretty early on). The imbalance lead to increasing madness which fueled the delusion that Ladybug and Chat are soulmates because of the balance of their miraculous. 

Hawkmoth gets defeated the summer before Marinette's senior year of high school. The battle lasts for days and most of Paris is rubble by the time the battle is over. Marinette has suffered years of mental abuse at the hands of her classmates, and with everything she has had to deal with she forced herself to stay positive. Once hawkmoth and Mayura(who has been largely inactive bc of the damage to the peacock miraculous) and Chat were defeated she allowed herself to feel the betrayal, anger and hurt that she kept locked away. This is where she makes herself a promise to never let herself be weak again. Vulnerable, sure, but never weak. 

She then casts the cure, which revives dead Parisians and fixes Paris. Unfortunately bc Adrien’s mom had been in the coma for so long Ladybug can’t heal her with magic alone. Amelile goes to a hospital and ladybug visits her regularly to heal her slowly. Adrien runs off without the cat miraculous (he will be seen again) because Mari took it away using her guardian powers.

Without all of the pressure of fighting Hawkmoth Marinette final tells Luka how she feels and how she kept that inside for years and why. They both need healing from the whole ordeal, but they agree to take it REALLY slow and see where things go. (Marinette confirms that Luka means that they will be exclusive, and he says he has also loved her for years and he could never do that to her)

Without the looming presence of Hawkmoth Marinette can final be the person she has become since becoming ladybug. She spends the rest of the summer getting thearpy outside of Paris and working on herself. She remakes herself to be the person that ladybug and the toxic class have made her be. She still believes in being kind and helping others, but her outlook on life is much darker than it was before Lila destroyed her reputation. No one sees her except for Luka Kagami and Chloe and sometimes penny and Uncle J over Ft. Not even her parents.

She adopts a darker, more punk rock look (thanks to Luka and uncle jagged). Her once bright a bubbly personality is no longer reflected in her clothing. With help from Luka and UJ she designed a leather jacket that replaces her siginiture cherry blossom blazer. It is reinforced with all of the protective spells she has learned over the years. (she even learned how to sew dimensional pockets and now she has magic pocket that function like her yoyo. She also made gear for the rest of her team bc she wants to protect them) she starts riding the bike her Nona got her because it matches the aesthetic and she can’t just walk to school like she could in middle school. 

Marinette now takes no BS and is fully prepared to put people in their place. When her senior year starts people are shocked to see bubbly Marinette turned to quiet, bully Marinette has become (visually) the bad influence that they all thought she was. Busiter’s class has been together since the Hawkmoth Sitch started because they were known as the Akuma class and it was just easier to keep track of them. Kagami was allowed to transfer to this class. (her mother thought it would help strengthen her emotional resolve after she got Akumatized) Thus toxic habits from bustier were enforced. Marinette was forced to remain class president bc bustier thought it would help Lila mature (which obviously didn’t happen). Marinette now has more time so she apples to the Wayne scholarship program to see if they can get a sponsored trip. (they do bc Marinette is awesome. she really applies to have a class trip to Gotham because she wants to uphold that promise to herself and training under the bats would do that and she wants to check Gotham out before she commits)

By the time they go on the trip Luka and Marinette are official but have discovered that they feel like something is missing in their relationship. (they have tried different forms of polyamory, but haven't found anything that fit them yet) Luka has been working with Jagged for almost a year at that point bc Jagged is his dad and its a good way to reconnect. So he flies to Gotham before the class bc he can take that time off so he can spend time with his girlfriend uninterrupted by jagged or her parents. He also planned a bunch of dates bc most everywhere in Paris holds a dramatic memory.

I am going to make a part 2 bc this is long and they haven’t even met Damian yet

[sokkathebluewolf]

I am chickened out from gladiator because it is this long and it keeps getting longer is it worth my time to read it ??

... Uh, well. I can’t help but wonder if you’re aware this blog is run by the actual author of the story in question? I don’t know if you expect me to give you a non-biased answer when I’ve considered the story was worth 8 years of my life xD as far as I’m concerned, it absolutely has been worth it, but I can’t speak for the whole wide world when it comes to that. If you want the opinions of readers, there’s probably other blogs run by people who have read the story and who might have critical opinions about it... that may be what you were looking for. If, however, you were deliberately hoping to get my opinion on my own story... well, yes, for me it’s clearly worth it xD Otherwise, I would’ve quit ages ago.

The story is indeed very long and it keeps getting longer, and it will keep getting longer because we’re not done yet and won’t be for a while :’D if you’re the type of reader who can’t stand it when they catch up to stories and have to wait for updates, well, feel free to give it a shot when I’m done writing it, I guess? It’ll be a while until then, but it’s up to you. If you don’t like reading really long stories, then it’s probably better for you if you don’t force yourself to read this one, I know not everyone is ready to dedicate that much time to reading something, especially if they have lots of things to do. Hence, if the length daunts you, that’s alright, it daunts me too and I’m responsible for it xD it’s fine if that deters you from reading it.

But as the way you phrased your question almost sounded like you’re challenging me to give you some sort of sales pitch to catch your attention, let’s see if I can pull it off:

Gladiator is a massive ATLA AU, not only in terms of story length but also scope: it’s a complete rewrite of the entirety of ATLA in a more mature setting, starting chapter 1 with the characters 5 years older than they were in canon. Aang’s adventures in saving the world did not take place here because of a simple enough reason: Katara didn’t accompany Sokka on his boat on the fateful day when they were meant to find Aang, which means the story as we’ve known it simply doesn’t take place. I’ve taken liberties here and there, added some changes from canon when I needed to do so, in order to ensure the story works, but the gist of the story is to set a stage where the Fire Nation marched onwards, practically unopposed, and conquered the Earth Kingdom with the power of Sozin’s Comet (just in case it needs to be clarified, without certain technological developments, Ozai’s wild plan to incinerate the whole world wouldn’t happen, and if Team Avatar isn’t assembled before the Comet shows up, said technological developments simply wouldn’t exist... :’D). I’ve had to figure out how many details would change, how much of the original story would or wouldn’t happen without Team Avatar’s involvement, I think most my choices have been solid, but it’ll be up to you to decide if you think they are or not if you read the story.

The worldbuilding of Gladiator, then, is preeeetty huge and complicated because of that starting point. There’s a lot of elements that are completely new (such as the Gladiator League and all its derivates), some OCs, some lore expansion, so you can definitely say it’s an ambitious project. In a sense, I’ve reset canon to zero, and at the same time I haven’t, which makes things complicated but, for me, really fun to develop. If you’re interested in seeing more of the Avatarverse explored, characters repurposed, with new dynamics and relationships, Gladiator may just be what you’ve been looking for :D

In my experience, the main reason why most people stumble into this fic (other than by sorting FF.net’s ATLA stories by review count and drawing blanks upon glimpsing a Sokkla story on the first page xD) is because they’ve been drawn into Sokkla, or they’re looking for stories centered around Azula or Sokka. Gladiator, evidently, features all three such elements because, obviously, those two are the protagonists and their relationship is the beating heart of the whole tale. I’ve been asked in the past who’s the real protagonist and I honestly still have no idea xD but anyways, if you’re interested in reading a story with a toooooon of Azula character development, even if it takes place across a long, long time, this story may just do the trick. I’ve done the best I could to keep her character as true to what I believed a young adult Azula might become, within the circumstances of this story. She has grown a LOT in 200 chapters, goes without saying (if she hadn’t, I’d be one heck of a failure of an author x’D), so if you’re interested in seeing a slow but effective growth arc for Azula, you’ll certainly find that in Gladiator. Same is true for Sokka, but I think most people who come to this fic for Sokka are interested in seeing him being a badass, which we have plenty of as well xD still, it’s also a long and slow process for Sokka to grow into a powerful warrior, neither him nor Azula start out in the story with all the answers, and they both bump into many hurdles as they navigate their complicated lives.

There’s a lot of humor in Gladiator, perhaps more than expected with a story that has that sort of dark premise, but it’s, on great measure, because Sokka and Azula are inevitably given to banter xD if you want to read a lot of banter between those two, well, you may not be bored in 200 chapters because, while the nature of their exchanges does vary as they both develop, their conversations are usually pretty spirited and they love trying to outsmart each other all the time.

If you are already a Sokkla shipper and the main reason you’re here is because you want more Sokkla goodness in your life... I’ll just say Gladiator has become a bit of a dream come true for me as a Sokkla shipper as well, because it’s the perfect space for me to work with virtually every idea I’ve ever had for these two. Yes, there’s drama and conflict here and there, if you’re not too given to angst there’s a few parts of the story that won’t sit so well with you, though if you love angst you’ll probably enjoy them plenty... yet what I’m most proud of, with this story, is having developed their relationship not only as best I could, but I’ve also attempted to defy typical storytelling structures for romance stories, where the lead couple can’t seem to have a stable relationship because “that would be boring”. Screw that, man: these two have been in a serious relationship together in-story by now for well over half the published chapters, and I’ve had the time of my life writing their dynamics as a couple while the plot continues to develop around them. This, however, is not everyone’s cup of tea, so if you aren’t all that given to seeing such traditional romance storytelling structures dismissed because I wanted to write my favorite ship dealing with all their external struggles while finding strength in the bond they share, Gladiator may not hold your attention long enough for you to devote yourself to reading it beyond chapter 100-ish. On the other hand, if this subversion of romance structure is what you’ve been looking for all your life, or if it’s what you always wanted and never knew you wanted it, or if you’re simply curious as to whether it works or not, Gladiator may suit your interests fairly well. Again, Sokkla is the absolute center of this story, both together and independently, so if you want to see a rewrite of ATLA with them at the core of just... everything? xD that’s absolutely what you’ll find here.

That being said, there’s things I guess you should mind about Gladiator: I have some relatively controversial takes about certain things, including interpretations of fan-favorite characters that some people have been known to take offense over. I, personally, believe my interpretations of those characters don’t deviate that much from canon or that, when they do, the setting itself explains why the deviation works as it does, but due to the fact that I work with a protagonist who was in a villainous role back in ATLA, her relationships with some characters can be more complicated than a lot of people seem to believe they should be. Hence, if you’re not particularly adverse to reading content that brings up big questions about the motivations of certain characters, or how they’d react if the story from ATLA hadn’t happened exactly as it did, you’ll have enough fun in Gladiator. If, however, you don’t particularly care to see anything that shows beloved characters in a not-so-flattering light, this story may not be for you (though, if you’re willing to humor me and allow my story to question your perception of those characters, feel free to try the story as well). 

There’s also a variety of dark themes and situations in Gladiator, something that any reader should be warned about in this day and age: I am 100% against violence for the sake of violence, to name one such subject, and I generally try to portray it with as much nuance as possible, but even if I feature my own characters criticizing their violent world and wanting to put an end to the strife caused by the Fire Nation, some of the violence in Gladiator may be a little too much for the readers who prefer the tone of the original ATLA. Hence, if that’s how it is for you, it’s another reason to approach the story with caution. I won’t pretend I’ve handled every theme and subject perfectly, but I’ve never wanted the darker moments to feel gratuitous in any way, so if you’re open to reading a darker take on the Avatarverse, this may work for you after all.

Alas! If you want to see Azula growing out of the toxic Fire Nation indoctrination, if you want to see Sokka gaining confidence and strength as a man and warrior, if you want to see a fleshed-out but still very much villainous Ozai, if you want to see Toph fulfilling her dreams of joining an all-out fighting league where she can beat people up for a living, if you want to see a myriad of secondary ATLA characters (like Song, or Shoji!) given new lives and even genuine protagonism, if you want to see Zuko discovering he’s allowed to just... be happy? xD Gladiator may prove interesting enough for you.

Furthermore, if you want to see Azula being true friends with Mai and Ty Lee, discovering a dragon, developing new firebending styles, confronting her misplaced beliefs about herself, rebelling subtly (and lately, not so subtly) against her father, growing into a great leader who could change the Fire Nation’s nefarious direction...  aaand if you want to see Sokka fighting creatively (sometimes with TWO swords!), navigating the dangerous waters of interacting with Fire Lord Ozai, staying true to his beliefs while also learning that the world is not as black-and-white as he was raised to think it was, understanding himself better and making the most of his potential as a quick learner, writing embarrassing haiku and being an unapologetic rebel who goes toe-to-toe with Heads of State just because he can... yep. Probably read it? xD

Lastly... if you want to see Sokka and Azula grow through their mistakes, learning to understand each other, fighting side by side, training together, dancing to no music, learning the underrated pleasure of proper communication in a relationship, sassing each other left and right, flirting in ridiculous ways, taunting each other in many regards, laughing at each other’s terrible jokes, protecting each other fiercely, challenging each other to a spicy ramen eating contest, discovering indirect bending, being highly inappropriate at times and places where they shouldn’t be, making long, dangerous yet fun journeys together, sneaking around to meet up when they’re not supposed to, standing by each other in their darkest moments, watching over the other when they’re sick/injured, being ready to sacrifice virtually anything for each other, and even defying and defeating even death to save each other...? Well, I don’t know if there’s any other stories where you might find all of this, but I can guarantee you’ll find it in Gladiator :)

If none of this is convincing enough... that’s a shame, but I understand. If it convinced you to give it a shot, however... I guess I’ll just hope you enjoy it enough to stick around! :) thanks for taking my story into consideration regardless of whatever you decide. Have a nice day!

[stereksecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, mytumbler335!

For @mytumbler335 <3

Read On AO3

*****

Not A Silent Night

“What the fuck.” Summarises Derek’s morning. Dream? No, he’s fairly sure you can’t get a headache in a dream - and there was also the fact that his dreams wouldn’t start here anyway.

Usually his dreams started just as things got more heated - he kind of liked this change in scenery. But this wasn't a dream, and the reality was here; cocooned in a pile of tangled blankets (seriously, what did he do last night?) coated in some sticky substance – which he found was wine (Derek didn’t even drink wine, what the hell?) and engaging in a staring contest of the ages with Stiles Stilinski.

Stiles Stilinski, recent graduate from Berkley (“top of my class, suckers”). Stiles Stilinski, resident pack researcher and Spark in training. That Stiles Stilinski. Who was in his bed. Derek must still be groggy from the hangover considering he hadn’t yet properly had a mental breakdown at Stiles being in his bed. Or maybe it was because he was already having that breakdown. Either way, Derek kept his body frozen - because he was undeniably naked under the sheets.

“Oh my god” Derek would have said something snarky to this, at finally seeing Stiles speechless (a myth that has never been proven until today, and no one would believe him) - at least Stiles was doing better than Derek.

“Oh my god” Stiles repeats. Derek tentatively nodded his head in agreement. It would have been almost funny, the way they rolled onto their backs in unison, if they weren't engaged in a waiting game of who could get their mental faculties back first and break the ice.

“Dude we totally boned.” Stiles didn’t even look bothered by that statement, while Derek was startled into a coughing fit.

“You don’t know that.” Derek managed to cough out. Why would Stiles’ mind go straight to the least likely option? At least it worked on getting them to appear normal.

“We’re both thinking it.” Stiles retorted. Derek wanted to say that no, they weren't both thinking it, because Derek had common sense and supernatural senses. He'd know if it smelt of sex, semen and arousal. Derek really wanted to point out why that would be Stiles' first explanation. “Why else would we be naked in bed together?”

Well...Stiles had a point there. But Derek focused more on the fact that it didn’t even occur to him that Stiles might be naked under the sheets too – and now he couldn’t get the thought of a bare mole dotted arm inches away from his own out of his head.

Derek grunted - which suited as enough of an agreement to Stiles’ assessment to placate him. Mostly, Derek was trying to ignore the heat blazing up his side.

“Okay so how is this going to work?” Derek had absolutely no clue as to what Stiles was referring to, and he told him as much. “How is what going to work?” Stiles only offered him an exasperated look which didn’t belong anywhere on Stiles’ face.

“Well, I don’t see any clothes around and unless werewolves have superspeed like the Flash that I don’t know about, then we’re sitting ducks. Naked sitting ducks ” Stiles felt the need to add on. Derek couldn't exactly tell him that was stupid, since they were sitting ducks (yes, Stiles, naked sitting ducks.) Derek clutched the sheets tighter.

“We can close our eyes.” Stiles provided but Derek didn’t believe for a second that Stiles actually would. It wasn't like Derek hadn't spent the last week carefully monitoring Stiles around his house when he inevitably went looking for his Christmas presents. That had led to some embarrassing moments that Derek would rather not mention.

“Can’t you use your Spark to move the dresser closer.” Not his best suggestion, but how hard could it really be to drag the dresser within arm’s reach? With the power of belief or whatever Stiles said anchored his spark.

“Are you being serious? Like for real, ‘can’t you drag the dresser closer’. This isn’t Harry Potter Derek, I can’t just Accio clothes over here with a flick of my wand-” Or maybe not. “-besides we’re both adults. I’ve seen my fair share of dicks of all colours and sizes – locker rooms are not inclusive to the self-conscious believe it or not – and I know you were on the basketball team in school so you’ve been in the shared showers.” Derek was unabashedly gaping.

“No.” Stiles pouted. “Come on Derek, stop being childish” Stiles said as he sported a wolfish grin to put the actual werewolves to shame. Derek didn't trust that grin.

“No.” Derek didn't falter.

Stiles slumped with a dramatic sigh like Derek was the one being irrational.

“Fine I’ll go first.” Stiles stood with an over exaggerated stretch, showing off the winking dimples in his lower back and the lean muscles from years of running with the supernatural. Despite that display, Derek didn’t fail to notice the smirk that screamed of trouble Stiles threw over his shoulder before sauntering into the bathroom.

“Hey, can I borrow a toothbrush?” Borrow a what?

“What?” Stiles stuck his head out of the bathroom door - only his head, thankfully - the top one.

“Toothbrush?” Stiles sounded way too pleased with himself. “Under the sink.” Derek at least sounded more in control than he actually was.

Derek took Stiles’ absence as a ticking timer to find a pair of boxers – not briefs, definitely not briefs – that would hide his half hard cock. Derek resolutely ignored the way his mind said that Stiles won that round, and his claws that echoed it by almost making an appearance; but Derek did manage to have clothes on before Stiles appeared leaning against the bathroom door. (He counted that as a small victory)

Leaning was a strong word to use for what Stiles was doing – it was more like watching an accident waiting to happen with the way Stiles slowly tipped sideways and slipped away from the doorframe. Derek pretended to ignore the awkward stumble before Stiles caught himself. Although he probably shouldn't have, for the hell Stiles had given him so early in the morning.

“Boxers, really? I thought you were more of a briefs kind of guy” Stiles tried to pull off the cocky tone. Instead he ended up sounding like Jackson - Derek didn't mention that for his own safety.

“How’d you guess?” Derek mustered up Stiles level of sarcasm.

“Your ass deserves the best” Stiles shrugged like it was nothing new. “Also, your laundry basket is full of them.” His...laundry basket?

“What?” Somehow Derek failed to notice that Stiles was not standing in the nude but was sporting a pair of loose briefs that were undeniably Derek’s. Derek didn't know how to feel about Stiles scrummaging through his laundry (lie, he almost puffed out his chest in pleasure)

“Take. Them. Off.” Derek tried to intimidate Stiles but he still looked far too pleased with himself, like Derek was playing into his long, beautiful - stop it - hands.

“Well...because you asked.” That should have been Derek's cue, seeing as Stiles doesn't do things when asked. Agonizingly slow, Stiles leisurely pulled down the elastic band - until Derek could see the barest hint of dark curls.

“Stop!” Derek growled, Stiles paused. Derek ignored the sound of the elastic hitting Stiles' skin. “Why are you even wearing my briefs in the first place?” Derek tried to sound judgmental, but only came off as desperate.

“Well, I figured since we most likely had sex you wouldn’t mind me borrowing your underwear. Also, I needed something to wear unless you want to see the full package.” Stiles saucily winked.

“We didn't even have sex, Stiles” Derek was at the point where he had to stress Stiles’ name. If only he could manage to tell Stiles exactly why Derek knew they hadn't had sex.

“Well either we didn’t have sex or you did it wrong because I don’t feel any different.” Stiles sounded disappointed by that – at which part Derek didn’t know. Derek was only mildly offended, knowing it's intention was to hit his pride.

“Who says I’d be fucking you?” Derek finds himself asking anyway. Derek has to force himself not to do something stupid at the aroused scent Stiles give of on that.  

“Really?” Derek raised his eyebrows, what Stiles calls judgmental face number 4. He didn't even want to know what differentiated numbers 1, 2 and 3.

Stiles had the audacity to look offended “Are you shaming me? Seriously, I am a young, sexually mature-“

“You’re twenty-four” Derek deadpanned. “And sexually mature is pushing it.”

“-and honestly, what were you expecting?” Stiles carried on like Derek hadn’t said anything – nothing new there. “It’s not like you aren’t hot like burning and have an ass like a hockey player, obviously that’s going to make me thing of R rated things.” Stiles used his hands to accentuate his point for him. What point? Derek couldn’t remember anymore. “If we actually did the dirty and I don’t remember it I am going to be so pissed.” Stiles sounded like that might actually be true. Derek couldn't figure out why.

“Did the dirty?” Derek felt the need to point this out, in hopes that Stiles would stop.

It worked, mostly – and Derek was left to blatantly stare at the flushing neck as it flexed and gulped. Damn him. If Erica were here she would laugh right in his face. And then take a picture - or lock them in the room. Or both. Derek can’t truthfully say he would mind.  

“It’s not like there’s any evidence that we did have sex” Derek pointed out to break the second staring contest of the day. (Derek won: Stiles - 3, Derek - 2.)

“I agree” There was something wrong with that sentence coming out of Stiles' mouth. “I mean I feel pretty satisfied and achy after sex so that means we didn’t have sex or we did and it was unsatisfying”  Derek took that as the challenge Stiles wanted it to be.

He barely resisted the urge to growl – especially when Stiles looked so satisfied with himself. Derek wanted to pummel the little shit - and then maybe kiss, lick and bite him.

“Well, there’s only one way to know for sure.” Derek wasn’t about to let Stiles win. Their relationship relied on banter as it was, what's wrong with adding something a bit more intimate to it.

“What?” Stiles looked nervous now, and his gulp was audible from across the room. Derek barely hid his grin. "Scent."  

“If all you need to do is have a sniff of the room, why haven’t you yet?” Stiles sounded dubious.

“Scent is greater taken from a human than from objects” A complete lie that Derek had plucked from a completely bullshit website of werewolf 'facts'. But Stiles wouldn't know that considering his ability to tell if a website was fake almost immediately.

“Sniff yourself.” Stiles thought that was an acceptable solution. Derek didn't even know where to begin explaining how stupid that was so instead he parroted Stiles' words from earlier.

“Now who’s the one being childish?” Derek didn’t wait for Stiles' rant and just stuck his nose in the curvature Stiles’ neck. “Not fair, dude” Was the only thing Stiles could say - what wasn’t fair was how intoxicating Stiles’ smell had become. The arousal had heighted everything that was Stiles. Derek couldn't resist nipping at the skin.

“Dude did you bite me?” Stiles actually sounded offended about this – like he hadn’t made every joke about werewolves and biting in bed. It was just a nip anyway.

“Stop calling me dude.” Derek didn’t know why he tried - except to test if he could still say words. It wasn’t like it worked the other three hundred times. Derek braved a taste. Derek was more than a little smug that Stiles was too worked up to manage an 'ew' at Derek licking him.

“Are you trying to turn me on right now? Because it’s working. Oh my god” Stiles didn't even try to hide his arousal, practically melting against Derek's chest. Derek continued to be smug about that for all of two seconds before Stiles’ hips shifted forward. Derek ignored the feel of Stiles' erection against his - in favour of panicking because Stiles had definitely felt his.

“Dude do you have a boner?” Stiles had an excited tilt to his voice that made Derek want to smother himself in Stiles' neck. Instead he took the still and silent approach.

“Can I help you with that? I really want to help you with that.” Stiles sounded way past want. Jesus Christ. Derek lifted his head to be on the receiving end of Stiles’ innocent face. Stiles wasn't getting out of this one now that he had felt exactly how Derek was feeling.

“Don’t say that and feign innocence.” Derek crossed his arms - which only made Stiles drool.  

“Maybe we could ignore that? For the sake of dignity please.” Stiles actually tried that - like Derek was going to let this go at the matter of dignity. Derek snorted. What dignity?

“No. Why did you offer to do...that?" Derek tried to articulate his point like Stiles - with full exaggeration of his arms. Derek could admit he and Stiles had grown closer from bashing each other's heads into steering wheels but that was one thing - offering to suck his dick was another.  

“Come on Derek, don’t pretend you don’t know about my giant heart boner for you. Please can we just forget this happened.” Stiles waved it off like it was old news. Derek should maybe start paying more attention to the news, if he misses stuff like this. He mouthed the words heart boner – part in amazement at Stiles’ refined vocabulary and well...He didn’t want to acknowledge the other part.

“Does heart boner-” Jesus Christ “-mean what I think it means?” Derek really hoped it did, it probably showed in his voice too - because Derek was just that far gone at the chance he could have this.

“Well, if you think heart boner means that I’m literally in love with you and want to do all the romantic shit with you but also want you writhing beneath me, then yes, it is what you think it means. But the writhing beneath me part is mostly from my actual boner. You can shut me up now...any time.” Derek never wanted to. He wanted the rambles and random rants about inconsequential shit that Derek will never think of again, even at 3 in the morning after fighting off a chimera.

“I do as well. Have a heart boner. For you.” Derek was really about to let that be their love confession story - and he told Stiles as much.

“I can’t believe that’s going to be our love confession story.” It was ridiculous and stupid, but it suited them.

“As long as we don’t tell Erica, we’ll be fine. Or Lydia, otherwise she’ll hold the fact that her parties had a large part in us getting together for the rest of our lives.” Derek didn't even want to think of the pack right now - they were going to be absolutely unbearable for three weeks at a minimum - what he really wanted to do was smother Stiles’ infectious grin. With his face.

“We are getting together right?” Derek shut Stiles up with a kiss instead - he could do that now, and with a lot of other things.

“Now, what did you say about having me writhing beneath you?” Derek didn't care if this was considered going to fast, not when the room was clouding his head with the smell of their arousal.

“Oh god, how can you switch from cute to sexy in under a second. You’re killing me.” Stiles flailed and stumbled out of Derek’s brief with his usual ungracefulness - he teetered at the edge of the bed on one foot, yanking the briefs down his calves where they had somehow gotten tangled. Derek found it endearing – and he didn't want to know what that said about his type.

Derek tried to resist, truly – but in the end he failed. He nudged Stiles’ shoulder where he was still yanking the briefs enough that they probably wouldn't even fit Derek anymore, and watched the balance tip. Stiles yelped as he bounced face first on the bed with his ass in the air. That was an added bonus, and was Derek's cue to take off his own boxers.

“Rude” Stiles huffed, muffled by the pillow – but he still rolled over and spread his arms. “Come here so we can do the dirty.”

Derek huffed as he fell into the warmth. He can’t believe he has a heart boner for this idiot.

[let-it-raines]

your wonder under summer skies (4/?)

Summer in Storybrooke, Maine means one thing for its residents: tourist season. This year, for Emma Swan and Killian Jones, it means relationships ending and friendships changing all the while they attempt to figure out just what their relationship is. It’s somewhere straddling the line between friends and lovers, and there’s no guarantee of a soft landing if they fall into new territory. 

rating: mature 

a/n: thanks to @resident-of-storybrooke for reading over these words ❤️

ao3: beginning | current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 

Light peeks through his window shades, a small beam forcing itself through and shining directly in his eyes, and Killian quickly shuts his eyes and burrows his face into a pillow. His head is absolutely pounding. How much did he drink last night? It wasn’t a lot, he doesn’t think, but he’s certainly feeling it today.

He’s really getting old, isn’t he? If this is what drinking is like in his late twenties, he doesn’t want to do it anymore.

Then again, he does love his rum. It’s a shame he mostly had beer last night.

Killian sighs and twists in his bed. He doesn’t have to be down in the office until noon today, and he can definitely go back to sleep.

Until he feels movement on the other side of the bed.

Bloody hell.

He slept with Emma last night.

 Several times.

What were they thinking? Is his heart about to pound out of his chest? Has that ever happened to anyone? Is this just the hangover speaking because he’d really like it to shut the fuck up.

Oh shit. They fucked up. They really, really fucked up.

She was emotional and heartbroken and they’d both been drinking.

Killian barely blinked when she asked him to make her feel better. He made a half-assed attempt at trying to get out of it, but he didn’t want to. That thought alone could sober him.

He didn’t want to stop. He wanted to sleep with her.

What the hell is wrong with him?

The bed shifts again, and he feels Emma get out of it. Should he roll over and talk to her? Should he pretend that he’s still asleep and let her sneak out like he knows she’ll want to? Are they going to avoid talking about this forever, or should they simply rip the band-aid off?

“Fuck,” she hisses. “Where is my underwear?”

Killian sighs and reaches up above him. He remembers her tossing them last night, and he quickly finds them before holding them in the air. He guesses ripping off the band-aid is how he’s going to do this.

“I believe you’re looking for these.”

He opens his eyes to find Emma standing completely still. She’s a deer caught in the headlights, and the only thing she’s wearing is her bra. God, she’s gorgeous. He did not take enough time to simply look at her last night. Looking at her wasn’t really in his list of priorities when she felt so goddamn good wrapped around him.

When he thinks about that, he’s not sure that it was real.

When he thinks about that, he allows himself to think that maybe it wasn’t a stupid mistake on both of their parts.

It was. There’s no denying that.

“I don’t. I – ”

Killian waggles his brows before flicking her underwear toward her. She quickly catches it, looks down at it, and then puts them on before grabbing her shorts from the floor.

“Swan, do we need to – ”

“No,” she quickly spits out as her hands run through her hair to try to brush it out. “No, we don’t have to talk about it. We’re adults. We had sex. It happened. It was a one-time thing.”

“Aye, I agree.”

She stops and blinks at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t – we shouldn’t have – this was my fault. Just, can we please forget that it happened?”

“We can, but I think it might be a bit hard to forget some of the best sex of my life.”

Why can’t he shut his damn mouth? It was a joke. True, but a joke. Now likely isn’t the time for making those.

“Killian,” she sighs. She’s still standing in her shorts and her bra. Her hair is an absolute mess. “I don’t know what to say. I’m kind of freaking out right now.”

He swallows and nods before getting out from underneath the covers. He notices Emma glance down at him, and he turns away to grab a pair of sweatpants from his dresser before turning back toward her and forcing a smile onto her face.

“You don’t have to say anything, love,” he assures her. If he’s honest, he’s glad she can admit that she’s freaking out because he doesn’t know if he’s capable of admitting that himself. “We’re no strangers to one-night stands, and that’s what this was. It was simply one with, well, someone we know. If you want to forget about it, we’ll forget about it, easy as that.”

Her mouth opens and closes before falling into an “o” shape.

Killian’s got no idea how he’s supposed to deal with this situation when he’s just as confused and concerned as Emma is, but he seems to be a little bit better at finding the words to keep this from being any more awkward.

“But like I said, I know how you kiss now, Swan. That won’t be easy for a man to forget, but I’ll try in earnest.”

Her eyes flutter closed, and she finally laughs as her head shakes. Okay, so maybe the joking works.

“So that’s that, then?”

“That’s that.”

“Good,” she says. “Good. I’ve got to….I’ve got to go work at the club.”

“You might want to use the spare toothbrush I have before you go. Feel free to borrow my comb as well.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s a good idea. I, um, thanks, KJ.”

“For what?”

“For making me feel good,” she whispers as blush paints her cheeks. “It was nice to forget for awhile.”

He feels his own cheeks heat and smiles down at her. “Anytime.”

“One-time thing,” she repeats as she starts walking toward his bathroom. “Remember that.”

“I’ll try my best,” Killian chuckles, pointing to his head.

Killian’s got no idea what to do as Emma gets ready in his bathroom. While they were talking, he was calm. He was doing his best to reassure Emma that things would be okay because he knows that she’s going to cut him off. He knows that once she leaves and once she has more time to think about what they just did, she’s not going to want to see him for awhile. He doesn’t want that, doesn’t want to be cut off from someone who helps keep him sane half the time, and he’s got no bloody clue how to handle this.

Maybe their conversation was enough, and maybe they won’t have to talk about it again. It’ll simply be something that happened, and it’s over now.

God, he’s never going to forget any of last night. He’s going to have to. It’s like he said: they’re both familiar with one-night stands. That’s what this can be. That’s what this has to be. There’s no other choice.

Fuck.

“Okay,” Emma sighs as she comes out of the bathroom, face washed and hair pulled back into a ponytail. “Do I look at least halfway decent?”

“You’ve got a bit of ah, uh, mark on your neck that’s visible with your hair up.”

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Give me one of your button-downs.”

“I’m not giving you a button-down.”

“You gave me a hickey, Jones. You can give me a button-down. I’ll return it.”

He sighs and walks over to his closet, pulling it open and finding a shirt before taking it off the hanger and handing it to her. She quickly strips out of her shirt and puts it on. The mark is still there, but it’s hidden.

“Is anyone out there?” Emma asks.

“They shouldn’t be.”

“Can you check?”

“What? You don’t want to be seen doing a walk of shame out of my bedroom?”

“No, no I don’t.” She crosses her arms over her chest. He is not at all distracted by the way she looks in his shirt. “You can’t tell anyone about this.” “Wasn’t planning on it.”

“I’m serious.”

“Aye, so was I.”

Emma nods at the door. “Can you please go look to see if I can sneak out?”

He mockingly salutes before walking out the door. Liam’s bedroom door is still closed, the light turned off, so he turns down the hallway to walk toward the living area where he can see all of the remnants of last night scattered across the room. He’s going to have to clean all of this up after he gets some coffee in him.

“Hey.”

Holy shit.

Killian jumps, his heartbeat racing, and turns around to see Liam standing in the kitchen with two cups of coffee in his hands.

“Morning,” he manages to mumble. “There any of that left in the pot?”

“Yeah, there’s at least another cup. You went to bed early last night.”

Killian reaches up to scratch behind his ear. “Long day. I hadn’t slept the night before. I didn’t mean to disappear.”

“It’s fine. Not everyone stayed long past midnight, and Elsa and I were happy to be able to go to bed.”

“Congratulations again, by the way. I’m glad it all worked out.”

Liam smiles, and Killian recognizes it as the genuinely happy one he reserves for Elsa. “As am I. now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take this coffee back to Elsa. I think I’ll be late down to the shop today.”

“Why don’t you take the day off? You and Elsa can go out and celebrate. I can handle things.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks, little brother.”

Killian bites down on his tongue. He’s not going to start something, not now. He’s trying to be nice, and there’s no need to argue over Liam’s obnoxious nickname for him. So he smiles and nods and steps over to the kitchen as Liam leaves to go back to his bedroom. The moment the bedroom door clicks, Killian quietly jogs back down to his own room where Emma is waiting just inside.

“What took you so long?” she hisses.

“Liam was making he and Elsa coffee. C’mon, now. Unless you want to crawl out my window.”

“I’d rather not break a bone.”

“Then now is your chance.”

Emma nods and steps around him before quickly walking down the hallways and out the apartment door, which softly closes behind her.

Emma Swan just snuck out of his apartment.

After sleeping in his bed.

After sleeping with him.

But it was a one-time thing. They’re going to forget about it. That was the agreement, and they’re sticking to it.

They have to.

Shit. Why are they so stupid? She’s been broken up with Neal for less than a week, and he fucked her. What kind of friend is that? They didn’t even talk about what actually happened between she and Neal.

It doesn’t matter. It does, but not right now. Emma didn’t want to talk about it, and he doesn’t need to know. She never asks about why his relationships end, so he can do the same for her.

(His relationships that she’s known of have never been over the course of five years, however.)

What Killian can focus on is getting his coffee to help chase away the lingering hangover, take a shower, and get dressed to go to work. He needs to make sure all of their files and computer systems are up to date before they begin to be flooded with customers and clients. He really needs to go down to the marina and check up on some of their boats and make sure they’ve been cleaned, but he’ll have to do that tomorrow when Liam is in the office. There’s no way in hell Liam and Elsa are leaving his bedroom today, so Liam is definitely not going to surprise Killian and come down to work despite Killian telling him he could handle it all.

It’s fine. It’s all fine. He needs this.

“Skipper, where the hell have you been?” Skipper stands up from where he’s been sitting on the floor behind the front counter and walks over toward Killian. “Huh? Did someone let you down here last night, boy? Do we need to go for a walk and get some breakfast before I open up shop?”

Skipper barks and wags his tail.

“Okay, so a walk and breakfast it is.”

Killian grabs Skipper’s leash off the rack, hooks it up, and then they head out the front door, the bell ringing behind him. The ground is wet outside from last night’s storm, and Killian’s feet sink into the sand before he makes it to the wooden pathway that’s attached to the parking lot. Skipper tugs on his leash and wants to head down to the water, but they need to get to Granny’s and back before ten this morning. They’ll have to go for their run later tonight.

The streets are not yet full, everyone inside their shops and the sun not out enough for people to be wandering around, but the few who are out are touching up the pastel paint on the siding of buildings or power-washing the sidewalks. He sees a few of Rob’s crew doing some landscaping, but Robin is nowhere to be seen. He must have taken the day off to spend time with Roland.

Eventually, Killian and Skipper get to Granny’s, and Killian hooks his leash around the post outside before walking inside and up to the counter, tapping his hand on the top.

“I swear if you don’t stop making so much noise, I will murder you.”

“Ah, lovely service there, Ruby,” Killian sighs, flashing her a smile. She looks about as dead as he felt when he first woke up. “Can I get a breakfast burrito, some sausage, and a black coffee?”

“If you pay me five times the price.”

“How about the price on the menu and a tip?”

Ruby winks. “You’ve got a deal. Give me five minutes. I think Granny already has the stuff for the burritos cooked.”

“No problem.”

Ruby walks back into the kitchen, and Killian sits down at a barstool before hitting his hands against his pants pocket. Damn. He forgot his phone. Sighing, he twists on the seat and looks around the diner. It’s past the breakfast rush, so it’s pretty empty, but Ashley, Sean, and Alexandra are sitting in a booth eating and coloring on the disposable mats while Leroy is sitting with some of his construction crew. Leroy stares him down, so Killian quickly looks away and sees two people sitting in the booth in the back.

What the hell?

It’s Neal. Neal and Tamara, who is in her uniform and probably supposed to be working. Instead, she’s sitting next to Neal in the booth with her tongue practically down his throat.

Killian flexes out his hands before balling them into fists. He wants to punch that son of a bitch, but he can’t. it’ll get him arrested, Emma will hate him, and Neal won’t let it go.

Besides, he slept with Emma last night. Who is he to judge Neal?

Except, in the back of his mind Killian thinks about the fact that Emma and Neal are broken up, that she said she broke up with him. Why would she have broken up with him? It couldn’t have just been him working with his dad again. She’s been dealing with that for awhile, on and off, and while it seems to be a real issue for her for some reason, it wouldn’t be a reason for her to end her relationship.

Neal cheating on her, however, would be.

The fucking bastard.

“Ruby,” Killian hisses as she walks back out and starts pouring his coffee. “Ruby.” “Give me a minute. Why are you so impatient today?”

“I need to talk to you.”

She groans and rolls her head back before finishing his cup of coffee and walking over to him. “What?”

“Do you see who Tamara is making out with in the corner?”

“No. Who is – oh my God. I’m going to murder him.”

Ruby starts walking away, and he has to grab onto her arm. “No, wait.”

“What could you possibly have me wait for? He needs a swift kick in the nuts.”

“Emma and Neal broke up.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know why?”

“No,” he admits as he swallows the lump in his throat. He should not be sharing her personal information like this, but it looks like everyone was bound to find out sooner rather than later since Neal doesn’t seem to care about hiding whatever is happening with Tamara. “She didn’t tell me, but if I had to guess, I’d say the woman over there had a lot to do with it.”

“That bastard has been coming in here for dinner a lot lately, and I used to think he was getting it for Emma before I noticed that he never ordered her meal. Shit, I should have noticed sooner. I could have – ”

“Hey,” Killian whispers, reaching over the counter to grab Ruby’s forearm, “don’t. Emma will tell you about everything when she’s ready, and I’m sure at some point the two of you will get to bash him over margaritas at the Rabbit Hole. Try not to stare a hole into Neal and Tamara’s heads.”

Ruby leans back and crosses her arms as her brow arches. “Are you defending him?”

“No, love, I’m not. It’s simply that if I allow myself to get angry, David’s going to have to come down here and arrest me for assault.”

“David would want to punch him, too.”

Killian flexes his hands before grabbing onto his left wrist and running his finger over the angry, raised skin. “David has more self-control than I do.”

“Jones’s order,” Granny calls out from the back before hitting the bell.

“Looks like you’re saved by the bell,” Ruby sighs. “Neal too, apparently.”

-/-

Killian can’t sleep.

He’s been tossing in turning in bed for hours, so much so that Skipper got up from the foot of the bed and settled down on his spot next to the door about three hours ago.

It’s now two in the morning, and after a night with no sleep and a day so busy he never sat down, Killian figured he would be asleep by now and his brain would have turned off all of the thoughts it’s been having.

Liam is engaged.

Liam is getting the happy ending Killian’s craved for so damn long and had slip out of his fingers in a split second that he’s relieved over and over again.

And Killian is happy for Liam. He truly is, but there’s this irrational jealousy in the back of his mind picking at him and wondering why can’t he have that kind of thing.

Probably because he sleeps with a different woman each summer knowing nothing is ever going to come of it.

Probably because he slept with his best friend last night.

Killian turns over on the mattress and buries his face in a pillow, which is a horrible mistake since it smells exactly like Emma.

Oh fuck it.

He’s not going to be able to sleep. He knows that he’s not, especially now, so he gets out of bed, pulls on some clothes and slips into his trainers before grabbing his phone and his keys and walking toward the front door.

“I’ll be back, Skip,” he whispers to his dog as he scratches his head.

And then he’s gone, getting into his Jeep and driving toward the service station on the outskirts of town. It’s empty except for the clerk at the counter, and Killian nods at him before heading back to the slushie station and grabbing two cups. He fills one with his preferred blue raspberry flavor and then mixes in that with some cherry in another cup before putting the tops on and heading up to the counter to pay.

He has no bloody clue if she’s going to be awake, but he makes the drive to her place anyway. Most of her apartment complex is dark, but there’s one lone light on in a bedroom.

Killian Jones: I got you a slushie.

He looks between his phone and the window. If she turns her light off, she’s ignoring him. If it stays on, he might have a shot of getting inside.

Emma Swan: My door is unlocked.

Killian grabs the drinks and his things before heading upstairs, punching in the code to get in her building’s gate before jogging up the steps and turning the knob to get inside. Emma is sitting in her living room, pillows on the floor and clothes scattered everywhere. There’s a half-empty glass of wine and a bowl full of popcorn sitting in front of her. If he had to guess, there’s melted Milk Duds mixed in as well. It doesn’t look like she’s actually had any of the drink.

She looks just as exhausted as he feels.

“What are you doing up?” she asks.

“I couldn’t turn my mind off.”

Emma nods and stands from the couch, slowly walking toward him until she’s nearly touching him. Her breath is coming out easily, her chest rising and falling with each inhale and exhale, and he can’t seem to look away from the green in her eyes.

“I know a way we can fix that,” Emma whispers as her arms loop around his neck.

“What happened to that being a one-time thing?”

“I changed my mind.”

“Are you going to change it again in the morning?”

Emma hums and presses up further onto her toes to let her lips linger against his. “I don’t know. Are you okay with that?”

He is.

He shouldn’t be, but he is.

This is not why he came here, but right now, he can’t possibly think of anything else other than being with her in this moment and chasing the high that comes with that.

“Aye, I’m okay with that.”

The slushies melt in their cups in Emma’s living room that night.

-/-

-/-

tag list: @qualitycoffeethings @mrtinski @klynn-stormz @jonirobinson64 @snowbellewells @therealstartraveller776 @thejollyroger-writer @sherifemma @shardminds @captainsjedi @galaxyzxstark @galadriel26 @idristardis @karenfrommisthaven @teamhook @spartanguard​ @searchingwardrobes​ @itsfabianadocarmo​ @jamif​ @shireness-says​ @ultimiflos​ @nikkiemms​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @onepunintendid​ @bluewildcatfanatic​ @superchocovian​ @killianswannn​ @carpedzem​ @captainkillianswanjones​ @mayquita​ @jennjenn615​ @onceuponaprincessworld​ @a-faekindagirl​ @scientificapricot​ @scarletslippers​ @xellewoods​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @stahlop​ @kmomof4​ @tiganasummertree​ @singersdd​ @tornadoamy​ @cluttermind​ @lfh1226-linda​ @andiirivera​

[threeletterslife]

09 | Illegirl

→ previous | next 

→ summary: Excelling in every school subject, acing every math test and conquering the academic world is something you do as easily as breathing. As your residential social outcast nerd, you live rather as a recluse, talking to almost no one except for your dear ol’ cousin and that sweet boy in a few of your classes—Jungkook? was that his name? Befriending your ʰᵒᵗ AP stats teacher was the last thing on your high school senior agenda…

→ genre: 90% fluff, 8% crack, 2% angst | teacher!au & f2l!au

→ warnings: profanity, jimin being a fucking idiot, jin being scary as fuck

→ wordcount: 3.2k

You feel like you're seven again, being reprimanded by your unforgiving parents in the dreaded living room. Tension so thick, it could cut through goddamn Mt. Everest, itself. You'd be lying to yourself if you weren't scared. You're fucking terrified.

Pure trepidation haunts you, sits heavily on both shoulders, making your body go numb and thoughts freeze.

Especially when Jin's forced you and Jimin to sit on your knees on the wooden floor as he remains on the couch looking down at you. It's intimidating as fuck, and you fight off the urge to huddle against your boyfriend's protective chest.

"How long have you been doing... this?" Jin finally asks, his voice cold and serious, unlike anything you've heard before. He glares at you especially, making you flinch back.

Goosebumps dot your body as you nervously look at Jimin, who surprisingly looks calm. It was as if he got his shit together on the drive to your house. Honestly, it almost gives you comfort to see your boyfriend so collected. You figure you shouldn't be so frightened if he's not, but it's easier said than done.

"Doing... what?" Jimin replies, quirking his eyebrows.

"You know what I mean," Jin sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I dunno, making out or dating? Because I can assure you, we've made out longer than we've dated." Jimin shrugs nonchalantly.

Your mouth drops open in shock. You have no idea if your boyfriend's being a goddamn idiot or if he wants to die by the hands of your cousin.

"WHAT?!" Jin roars, standing up from the couch. His aggressive movement makes you fall on your ass, scootching towards Jimin for protection. If you weren't screwed before, you were now.

"Wait! Wait! Don't listen to Jimin!" you yelp, panicked. "We've been dating for a little over three months, alright?"

"What? I thought it was four!" Jimin protests, a mischievous grin stuck on his face. It's obvious he's joking. But there's a time and place for that.

Okay, Jimin, I love you and all, but this is not the time!

"OKAY NO, JUST SHUT UP!" Jin shrieks, throwing his hands up his head. "You!" He points aggressively at Jimin, who raises his hands up in defense. "God, tell me you haven't taken her flower yet!"

"My what?" you cry, standing up. You weren't scared now, just a tad bit angry.

"What the fuck? No, Jin! She's 17!" Jimin yells, suddenly enraged as he stands up and grabs your hand. "You know I'm not that kind of person!"

Your face scrunches up as you take a step towards your cousin. "I can't believe you actually thought we had sex! I'm 17!"

"Well, it looked like it when I walked in the freaking classroom, you know that?" Jin shrieks. "What if it wasn't me? What if it was the principal, huh? Or another student? Another teacher?"

"We're sorry!" Jimin apologizes, though his voice raises. "That was just one mistake, alright? Just one, out of the hundreds of other times!"

"WHAT?!"

You place a hand on Jimin's chest, calming him down. "I think you should just uh... stop talking..."

No doubt he was making it worse.

"No, Y/N. Obviously, Jin doesn't understand how much you mean to me," Jimin announces, squeezing your intertwined hands and turning to your cousin. "Look, I've been taking great care of Y/N, okay? I've given her the love she deserves and all the right treatment, you know that? I love her, Jin, I actually do. Just... work with me here. I don't know what I'll do if you don't approve of this because I'm your best friend and she's your cousin or because I'm her goddamn teacher! I know it's against the rules, but fuck the teacher handbook! I don't even care if it's illegal..." Jimin trails off, looking at you with absolute love in his eyes. "Ever since we became friends, my days have been getting better. Ever since we became lovers, my life got brighter. You know how much of a positive effect we have on each other, Y/N."

You literally don't have words, but you try to speak, you really do. "J-Jimin..." It's all you can do at the moment. You're about to tell him you love him, that you know all of these things, that you don't care if it's illegal or not when—

"Okay, I didn't ask for a whole soliloquy but go off, I guess." Jin stifles a laugh by clearing his throat. "You guys do know I knew you liked each other before both of you found out?"

"What now?"

"Yeah," Jin chuckles. "Well, I always assumed Y/N was dating someone behind my back. I mean, it's so not Y/N to have fun and relax, you know, someone must be helping her live. I thought it was that Jungkook boy for the longest time when I realized how Jimin was becoming less of a workaholic too. I put the pieces together and realized you guys had feelings for each other."

You're more than bewildered, eyes turning wide and mouth open in shock. "C-Come again?"

"No, for real!" your cousin snorts, shaking his head in disbelief. "I really did suspect something! And though I probably didn't like it at first, I guess I kinda noticed how your relationship was helping both of you become the best version of yourselves. I totally approve of you two dating. Yet I don't approve of you making out in public."

You and Jimin stare at each other with jaws dropped, completely shocked. And there both of you had thought Jin never suspected a thing.

"But for real, you think I really didn't notice all those late-night dates? I can play dumb too, you know," Jin huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. "Y'all should thank me for lowkey setting you both up. I mean, if it weren't for me, both of you would've thought of each other just as a teacher or student. The horror!"

"I don't know what to say," you whisper, emotions taking the better of you. "I literally can't express how thankful I am, Jin. I really am... I don't even want to imagine what could've happened to my senior year if you didn't introduce Jimin to me, outside of school, that is. God, I would've been some friendless, antisocial robot with a side of mild depression!"

"Damn. I'm just confused," Jimin mutters, tugging you into his arms to kiss the top of your head. "Workaholic plus workaholic should equal double the work... yet somehow we learned to have some fun."

"That's what you're confused about?" you giggle, squeezing Jimin's hand. "Sometimes I question your maturity level."

"Yeah, well today, I questioned both of your intelligence levels," Jin scoffs, shaking his head. "I pretty much suspected both of you were dating for a while now -- possibly even before you were actually dating. But for real, guys? I didn't think either of you would be dense enough to make out at school!" Jin rolls his eyes. "Dense as ice, I tell ya."

You frown. "You mean dense as water."

"What?"

"Water is denser than ice," you explain slowly as if you were talking to a child.

"Okay whatever, nerd," Jin says. "The point is, I got mad because of how careless both of you were. I mean, if you want to break some rules, at least be somewhat secretive!"

"Yeah well, lesson learned. I don't want to see you mad again," you squeak, tightening your grasp on Jimin. "It was scary and I value my life."

Jimin chuckles, kissing your forehead as he hugs you from behind. "Really? I thought Jin being angry was funny."

"Oh shut up, you," Jin snorts, "before I place a strict curfew on this household."

That shuts your boyfriend right up.

"But anyways, if you wanted my blessing, I give it to you both, 3000%," Jin announces proudly. "Jimin?"

"Yeah?"

"You've got a catch. Love her to death for me, will ya?"

"Sure thing," Jimin answers, snuggling his face in your neck.

"Y/N?"

"Mhm?"

"You're gonna kill me for saying this, but it has to be announced sooner or later..." Jin starts, a mischievous smile blossoming on his face.

"What is it?" You cock your head.

"Well, I guess one could say... you're quite illegirl."

You don't know who lunged angrily at Jin first, you or Jimin.

"I dunno if that's a good idea, Jimin," you sigh, scratching the back of your head. "There are just so many more reasons why we shouldn't do this, you know?"

Your boyfriend laughs, rubbing your shoulder with a warm, comforting hand. "Stop being such a scaredy-cat, Y/N. It's just one small date at Wattbucks, what can go wrong?"

"Oh, ohhh, a lot of things," you scoff, shaking your head in disbelief. "If we go there, the whole city will know we're dating in less than half an hour!"

"Noooo," Jimin argues, giving you an innocent puppy-dog look that dangerously quickens your heartbeat. "We'll be careful!"

"Yeah, that's what we said before Jin found out." You shudder at the memory, not particularly fond of that moment in your life. It was a particularly scarring scene, still haunting you in your nightmares.

"Okay, but we'll be extra careful!"

You roll your eyes. "Yeah, no, Jimin. God, I thought you were the adult here!"

Your boyfriend huffs in mock anger, "I am! I'm just... I'd rather take a risk to have a good time with you!"

"Yeah, but the risk could literally make you lose your job, and me, expelled," you point out, crossing your arms. "I dunno if you haven't noticed, but we're kinda not allowed to be dating. We really shouldn't be—"

The next thing you know, you're at Wattbucks, waiting for your drinks. Honestly, you should've known you'd give in to your incredibly stubborn er, persistent partner. Especially when he had started pouting, you knew it was game over.

You tug your baseball cap down in an attempt to hide your face (jUst iN cAsE), running over for the thousandth time in your head why you agreed to come to such a public place with your illegal boyfriend.

"We're grabbing the lattes and leaving," you mutter, "before we meet somebody we know."

"Aw, Y/N! Stop being so paranoid, we're not gonna meet anyone we know! I've done the math, it's less than a 12% chance," Jimin whines. "I literally sat down with a pen and paper and calculated!"

"Well, I've done the math too—in my head," you protest. "It's 12.7% for your information, and what about the remaining 87.3%, huh?"

Jimin sighs, shaking his head. "Relax, okay?" He reaches across the table, placing a warm hand over yours to comfort you. His charming, toffee eyes peer into yours, soothing your jumpy nerves. And when he smiles at you, eyes scrunching up and plump lips pulling apart (a genuine smile), you can't help but forget you're in public.

"OH MY GOD HOW ADORABLE!"

You and Jimin both jerk your heads towards the inhumanly high-pitched shrieker, only to find that annoying waitress that had served you months back. You'll never be able to forget her shrill voice and her favorite word: adorable.

"Here are your drinks!" the loud waitress exclaims, setting down your matching heart-design lattes. "How's my favorite couple? Would you like a free couple's mini cake?"

"Um, it's f—"

"Yes, please," Jimin answers before you do, hooking his arm around your shoulder. "We'd also love another photo!"

You shoot him an unappreciative glare that says 'you're not helping us stay lowkey,' but Jimin shrugs it off, grinning at you.

"I'll be right back with the cake~" the waitress sings, starting to leave. She calls behind her shoulder: "I'll ask my brother to take the photo. That rascal really thinks he can get away making 10 bucks an hour doing nothing. Taehyung!!!"

You gasp, so shocked that you almost fall off your seat if Jimin hadn't caught your arm. "N-No..." you breathe. "She said Taehyung, right? My ears aren't deceiving me?"

"Fuck, do you know him?" Jimin asks, tightening his grip on your arm as if you would sink to the floor without his support.

"Jesus, he's literally in my friend group!" you exclaim, standing up as Jimin's hand falls from your arm. "Forget the drinks, we've got to yeet—"

"Y/N???!" a familiar, surprised voice hollers. "Mr. Park??!"

"Fuck," you mutter under your breath before turning around to see Kim Taehyung, alright. "H-Hey, Tae!"

"What are you doing here?" Taehyung asks, cocking his brow. "And with Mr. Park?"

You and Jimin immediately scoot away from each other, making the distance between the two of you reasonably innocent.

"Oh, just discussing, um, math club details," you quickly fib, despite the fact that with the school year approaching its end, clubs weren't meeting anymore. You grit your teeth, praying that Taehyung wouldn't call you out for your immature lie. "Right, Jimin?"

Your boyfriend sighs. "Y/N, how many times do I have to tell you? It's Mr. Park."

Fuck. Bad habits. He just saved your ass.

"Anyways, hello, Taehyung," Jimin sleekly says, smiling at his student. His professional demeanor is back, amazingly so. Talk about a smooth transition. "You're working here, I see?"

"Uh... yeah," your friend says, staring quite suspiciously at the two of you. "Nice lattes."

Shit. The heart-shaped lattes had once seemed so cute, but now they were going to be the end of you both.

"Well, Jungkook's coming too," you blurt out before thinking it over. "J-Just wanted to um... surprise him..."

You thought the stuttering would make the lie less believable, but it seemed as if it made it more valid.

"O. M. G. You two are a thing? Oh, I fucking knew it!" Taehyung shouts, pumping his fist in excitement before realizing his teacher had been witnessing. "Uh, I mean, I freaking knew it... Sorry, Mr. Park."

"No! No, we're not a thing... uh, yet," you say, trying to sound as convincing as possible. But what can you say? You're literally the worst liar ever. Hopefully, Taehyung's incredibly gullible.

"That damn kid," Taehyung scoffs, shaking his head. "He's too much of a goddamn pussy to ask you out." One disapproving look from Jimin makes your friend flush, looking down at his feet. "Er, yeah... I'll be leaving now! Bye, Y/N, bye, Mr. Park!"

"Wait a minute, not so fast, you rascal!" The waitress flies back, an adorable mini cake in her hands, which she quickly sets down on the table. But she's too late; her brother had already fled the scene. "Damn him," she huffs, placing a sassy hand on her hip. "Would you still like a photo?"

"Uhh, no we're fine," you quickly answer, "but it'd be amazing if we could get the cake to-go."

"Yes, we completely forgot we made reservations for lunch," Jimin pipes up, smiling coyly at the waitress to convince her further. "May we get the lattes to-go as well?"

"Sure, no problem!" the waitress chuckles, shaking her head as she balances the lattes and cake on her tray. "Taehyung'll bring these out in a moment!"

As soon as she leaves, Jimin stands up, grabbing his jacket. "God, if Taehyung's coming, I better leave. Make up some fib about Jungkook and meet me in the parking lot!" He gives you a fleeting kiss on the cheek and rushes out of the quiet cafe before you can say another word.

You roll your eyes, an 'I told you so' threatening to bubble out of your throat. But still, the warmth of his lips, when they had pressed on your cheek, leaves you yearning for more.

"Fuck, did that idiot stand you up?" Taehyung asks, slightly out of breath as he hands you a to-go bag. "Damn, he fucked up."

You laugh, shaking your head. "Kook wouldn't do that to me! We're just meeting somewhere closer to his house 'cause his car broke down."

Taehyung scoffs. "You guys are taking it so slowly, god, I'll get married by the time you two start dating!" he whines. "Didn't he already confess?"

You frown, shifting the bag from one hand to the other. "What do you mean?"

"What the fuck, he told me he confessed!" your friend sighs, rubbing his forehead stressfully. "That goddamn liar."

"I'm pretty he said that to get you and Yoongi's asses off of him," you chuckle. "Last time I checked, there were no confessions!"

"What?? That little bastard! He told me you confessed your unrequited love first, and then he confirmed his feelings for you!" Taehyung huffs, genuinely looking angry. "This whole time I thought you were secretly dating!"

Your eyebrows furrow, lips pulling down into a serious frown. What??? You'd never confessed anything, at least, in your memories. But that's when it hits you.

"I'm sorry. I just... I don't... I'm so sorry."

"Unrequited love?"

"I guess you could say that..."

"Thought so. But he loves you back."

It hits you like a goddamn freight train. This whole time Jungkook had thought you had been talking about him. Fuck. This whole time Jungkook had thought you liked him back. Fuck. All those little touches here and there, the arm linking, the side hugs—the gestures that you thought were completely innocent and friendly had meant something else for him.

But you really weren't looking for drama now. Besides, Jimin was waiting for you in the parking lot. You need to make this quick.

"O-Oh," you stutter stupidly before clearing your throat. "No, yeah, he did confess, but we just agreed to take it slow." Somehow the lie flies off your lips too easily as if your guilty conscience had disintegrated.

"Well, don't take it too slow!" Taehyung winks at you teasingly. "I want to be alive by the time you two finally date!" All you can do is nod, gripping the to-go bag tightly. Taehyung notices the gesture, realizing that you kinda wanted to leave. "Then I guess have a nice time with Kook, Y/N. Bye!"

"Thanks! Bye, Tae!"

You don't turn around once, making a beeline for the door and rushing out to the parking lot. Jimin's leaning against his car, looking off cynically to the distance. When he catches sight of you out of his peripheral vision, he perks up, a smile blossoming on his lips.

"Taehyung give you a hard time?" he asks, taking the to-go bag from you and opening the shotgun seat for you to get in.

You smile at him gratefully, sliding into the seat. "Yeah, kinda..."

"What'd he say?"

"Eh, nothing really important," you say quickly, hoping your boyfriend wouldn't want to mull over such a small deal. You don't know if he's the type to get jealous, but you don't want to find out.

Thankfully, Jimin doesn't ask any more questions. "Sooo, wanna go home?"

"Yours or mine?"

"Mine, of course," Jimin chuckles, smirking. "We don't want Jin walking in on us again."

Your face flushes at the memory, and you slap your boyfriend's shoulder for bringing it up. "Yeah, definitely." Sighing, you tug your cap down again, slouching in the seat. "This is why we should always have our dates at home."

Jimin grins. "I don't object—not when I have so many amazing activities planned."

—previous | next

—masterlist

[jungkookfeelz]

Not What You Expected 6

Description: After years of dating Min Yoongi and starting a life together, he ends your relationship out of nowhere. Will you finally find out why the love of your life left you in the cold?

Words: 3K

Notes: Well that’s that. If you have any questions, or suggestions for future work, message away! I hope you guys enjoyed this series, I can’t tell you how thankful I am with all the support so far. Thank you so much. ^.^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why the fuck are you laughing" Yoongi yelled, it wasn't time to play games with him, he wanted answers. You understood that this was a serious situation, but you couldn't help but start to laugh. You doubled over and held your stomach to relieve some of the pain. You were thinking of something completely different but finally understanding why he left you made you question everything. As soon as you stopped laughing, you wiped a tear and looked at Yoongi, who is glaring at you with a raised hand holding still his phone to your face 

"Because Yoongi, that" You pointed at the phone "is my brother"

"He's your....what?" Yoongi stuttered. How could he not know that was your brother, you have been dating for so long and haven't been told about your sibling?

"My brother, I know I didn't tell you about him and I will take responsibility for that, but why wouldn't you ask me first? Why do what you did? You could have talked to me, like a mature adult, I was going to tell you when I surprised you in America that I met with my brother but you didn't give me that chance" You put your head down, looking at your hands. You had to close your eyes and count to ten in your head, you needed to be calm

"Since when do you have a brother? " Yoongi diverted your questions. It didn't make sense that you could have a brother and not tell him unless you're lying again, which was the best option he could go with. "Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying to you, but you don't get to ask me all these questions after everything" You demanded. You wanted to tell him, but not because he forced you too. "All you really need to know...to help you deal with your bruised ego is that I always had a brother but had a falling out with him because of my parents selfishness and didn't want to burden you with knowing my past that even I don't want to remember" You were pissed, you would never lie. You promised him from the day he asked you to be his that you would never lie to him, you would never go back on your word even if you weren't together anymore. "I wanted to move on, and you gave me that chance to be the person I have always wanted to be, I didn't want to remember how shitty my life was before I met you and the rest of the boys. It is my fault that I didn't tell you but that shouldn't have been an excuse for what you did to me...I trusted you and you took that trust and left me in a foreign country to fend for myself and try to get home on my own, not even bothering to give me one fucking phone call to make sure I made it back safely. I have always been there for you, did everything for you, and for you to automatically assume that I could betray you like that is just disgraceful" You took a moment to breathe before continuing your rant. "and how fucking dare you belittle my name in my own workplace, get me fired and laugh about it, you turned our treasured relationship into nothing in front of people who I considered my best friends and some random fucking stranger, who by the way I know you only brought to antagonize me. I have never been as disgusted by a person's actions as I am with yours." You sneered, pointing a finger at his chest. You couldn't explain how good it felt for you to finally tell him what you have been feeling for months, you now were the one breathing heavy, your face hot with too many negative emotions. You didn't cry. That, you were proud of. 

Yoongi didn't say anything, just staring at his ex-lover wide-eyed. He never knew that you had a terrible childhood, he understood why you didn't tell him but it hurt knowing that you suffered and he didn't know. He wonders what could have possibly happened between your family that teared up your relationship with your brother but he knew he wasn't in any position to ask anymore. Yoongi never expected to hear this, he never realized what kind of situation he put you in since America, he was so worried about his own feelings that he forgot to make sure you were okay, he even told the rest of the guys to never contact you even though they really wanted to, he went as far to go through their phones and delete any contact information they had to reach her. 

 He knew there were no excuses for his actions, he formed his mouth to say something, anything but he knew that he couldn't make the issue any lighter. How did we come to this?

You ran around the kitchen grabbing and throwing ingredients in a mixing bowl. Yoongi was finally coming home after a two-month tour with Bangtan and you couldn't be more excited You wanted to bake him a cake but it wasn't going to great, you lost track of time and realized that Yoongi was coming home in about two hours and you haven't even picked a cake yet. You grabbed a cup of flour, in the process of walking to the kitchen island where the mixing bowl was, you tripped which resulted in all of the flour to land all over your body

"Oh no," You moaned, you looked down at yourself, dissatisfied with how you looked. You put down the measuring cup and tried to wipe yourself down, not caring about the floor. 

"What is going on?" You whipped around and saw Yoongi standing at the doorway of the kitchen with a suitcase beside him. He smiled at your cute appearance before opening his arms, inviting you to a hug. You grinned from ear to ear before running at him at full force, tackling him. He caught you with ease and hugged you tight to him

"I missed you so much baby" He mumbled into your ear, chuckling at how disastrous the kitchen looked

"I didn't even hear you come in" 

"I can see you were preoccupied

"Hey! Don't tease me, I wanted to make you a cake but it's not working" You frowned, getting out of your boyfriend's grasp. 

"Hey, hey it's okay let me help you" He grabbed your hand before dragging you into the mess. He took an egg in his hand and looked over at you, you were trying to figure out how to clean up the kitchen, he walked right behind you and cracked it on your head. You gasped in shock, jumping in surprise. 

"What's next? Milk?" Yoongi chuckled, reaching for the milk

"NO! What are you doing?" You screeched, Yoongi cocked his head to the side in confusion

"I thought we were making a cake?"

"Yeah, in a bowl. Not on me!"

"But I thought you're my dessert" Yoongi bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing at you blushing in embarrassment. 

You giggle and shake your head "Oh my god you perv" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Yah, Taehyung stop it" Yoongi muttered, trying to sleep as Taehyung had kept poking his Hyung to wake him up "I'll kill you" the younger boy laughed at his Hyung's threat, not believing it for a second. After a few more pokes Yoongi has had enough 

"You little shit" Yoongi jumped out of his seat and tackled Taehyung to the ground causing a bunch of giggles to burst from the other guys in the room. What made Yoongi stop was when he heard something clatter to the ground, right away the room silenced. Because Jin was the closest to the two boys on the ground he picked up the black box that fell out of his friends pocket

"What is this?" Jin asked what everyone was thinking 

"Well since it's out, I guess I have to tell you" fiddling with his hands, Yoongi looked at all the boys in the dressing room slowly getting ready to perform as they were about to go on stage in their world tour, currently performing in America. He got up and patted his jeans clean from falling on the ground. "I'm planning to propose to Y/N, and I need your help" Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at the rapper, clear shock on their faces. 

"Holy shit, seriously? I didn't know you were ready for that yet" Namjoon spoke first

"Yeah, are you sure you're ready for this?" Hoseok asked after the leader. Yoongi didn't hesitate to express his emotions. He isn't normally good at that but he needed to let his best friends know.

"I love her, I can't imagine my life without her. She means everything to me, I would drop everything just to be able to wake up next to her every day" but before Yoongi can finish his small rant they were interrupted by their manager, telling them they had to get on stage.

"Let's do this" Jimin beamed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  After the successful show, they all went back to their dressing rooms to cool down before going back to their hotels to rest. Yoongi took out his phone while the rest of the guys were busy getting ready to leave and saw a missed call, realizing it's a number he didn't know he ignored it thinking it's probably a scam. Dropping his phone, he took off his jacket and set it on the couch beside his chair, fanning himself. While he was wiping off the sweat on his face his phone started ringing. He glanced at his phone, he noticed it was the same number as before, he frowned deciding to answer it anyways. 

"Hello?" Yoongi answered

"Hello, Mr. Min Yoongi, this is Kim Ha-Joon, a reporter from the Indigo Korean Media Company, I have some information for you, are you alone?" Yoongi furrowed his eyebrows in confusion

"What is this about?" 

"I have some information regarding your partner Y/N, I just sent you a document regarding her activities while you were on tour. Since this is my job to report this to the media, I decided to tell you in advance...as a courtesy, unless you're willing to pay me to keep quiet, please look at the document that I sent. Call me back when you have come to a decision, hope you had a pleasant day, goodbye" The line went dead.

"What the hell" Yoongi muttered to himself, quiet enough for the other boys to not hear. He pulled the phone away from his ear and went into his Email, to see what kind of document the reporter was talking about. As soon as he clicked on the photos his heart stopped. Y/N was photographed walking into another man's home with the timestamp of 3:17pm, the next photo was her walking out at 5:12pm hugging the man on the front porch, another waving back at him before getting into her car. He started to shake, his breathing wavered. He didn't know what he was seeing, all he knew was that it was making him sick., he wanted to throw up. Yoongi quickly walked out of the dressing room and into the bathroom across the hall, pushing the stall door open with a loud 'bang' he fell to his knees and released all the pain into the toilet bowl. 

It's been a few days since Yoongi found out about you, about your betrayal. He didn't tell any of the other boys yet, pretending that everything was okay, even though you did something unspeakable, he protected you. He still loved you. Yoongi was walking through the hallway, taking his time to meet the other boys in the dressing rooms. Apparently, there was a surprise that he needed to be there. He didn't want to be around anyone but he couldn't really tell anyone, making his emotions go crazy. As he walked closer to the room he heard laughing, but more specifically...your laughing. The innocent giggle that passed your lips. Yoongi couldn't help it, he felt outraged, how could you laugh like you did nothing wrong? He dashed into the room, looking around quickly before spotting you, laughing with Jungkook. 

“You shouldn’t have come here Y/N” Yoongi sneered “I didn’t want you to come here, nobody did, you’re just getting in our way” Yoongi didn’t even hesitate, didn’t stutter. He looked at you with hatred, no matter how much he wanted you here he couldn't stand another second pretending nothing had happened. “Get out” Yoongi held his ground he didn't want you to see the pain in his eyes as he said this. Yoongi knew that the guys were going to freak out on him later on but he didn't care. Yoongi noticed your face pale when he grabbed you by the arm and pulled you out of the room knowing you wouldn’t say or do anything to stop him. As soon as you were out of the room Yoongi slammed the door in your face. He stared back at all of the bewildered faces of his band members

"What the fuck was that Yoongi!?" 

"Hyung!"

"What are you doing!?"

"Why would you do that!?" 

He could hear a few of the members scream at the same time. Seeing you made him snap, his eyes started watering and his breathing shook, he couldn't hold his pain in anymore, he started sobbing, turning around facing the door he just kicked you out of. His heart shattered. The rest of the members forgot about the situation with Y/N, making the health of the broken rapper in front of them the number one priority. They wrapped their arms around Yoongi and comforted him, they all fell to the floor only hearing his loud sobs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You waited for a response for a few minutes now, watching Yoongi stand there, flabbergasted. You sighed, pushing your hair back from your face. 

"Yoongi, you need to respond at some point, I don't have all day" You stated

"I...just...I don't know what to say, is that actually your brother?" He managed to get out. 

"Are you serious? You still choose not to believe me? you're so infuriating" frustrated, you put your hands on your hair and pulled, walking back and forth in his small studio. 

"You can't blame me, this is...this is a lot to take in, you were supposed to trust me, we were in a serious relationship, you should've talked to me" 

You glared at him "I could say the same for you" at your statement, Yoongi visibly cringed, he couldn't tell if it was because of what you had said or the terrifying look you had given him. You were too tired to stand anymore so you walked over the couch by the desk and sat down, putting your hands on your face, leaning forwards onto your legs. You didn't know what else to say, you had said practically everything you wanted him to know. 

Lost in your own thoughts you didn't notice Yoongi sit next to you on the couch until you felt his knee touch yours. You tense up trying to move away from him slowly to not gain his attention. You straighten up to be able to get his form into your line of vision, to make sure he didn't come any closer. You didn't know if you would be able to stop yourself if he touched you, really touched you. 

"I'm..I'm sorry Y/N"

"I don't need your apology, I needed an explanation" You looked at him again, seeing him look so defeated and guilty you gained confidence in yourself "and so I got that, maybe it's time that I left...for good" when he didn't respond you got up sighing, you at least thought he would put up a fight after finding out that you didn't actually cheat on him. He grabbed your wrist before you could get anywhere and stood up slowly

"Is there any way you can forgive me?" His voice was quiet, he wasn't confident in himself anymore.

You took a few moments to think about a response, wanting to give him and yourself the right answer "I think so...in the future" nodding your head towards him. Yoongi frowned

"Do you think you could ever take me back?" 

"No." You didn't hesitate. You don't trust him anymore, no matter what he could do to change your mind you wouldn't be able to. You know what he can do when he feels threatened and you don't want to be on the other side of his wrath anymore.

"Oh," he pulled his arm back like he was electrocuted. No matter how much he deserved this he didn't want to hear it. 

"I'm sorry" You didn't have a reason to be but felt like it was appropriate to say it at this time, Yoongi shook his head, telling you he understands where you are coming from, he wouldn't go back to himself either if he were you. "I have to go now, take care of yourself Yoongi, don't make the same mistake with the next lucky girl to capture your heart" You smiled. You wanted to leave this conversation on a good note, somewhat. It broke your heart to say goodbye to him but you knew it was for the best, for both of you.

"...goodbye Y/N" he whispered, his voice cracked saying your name. You turned around quickly not being able to look at him anymore and walked towards the door, you opened the door and let yourself out, closing the door behind you quietly before leaving his life for good.  

Admin Min <3

[monsterlovinghours]

Visible

There’s no explanation for this. It’s just fluff. I had the idea at work and I spent my entire 7.5 hour shift thinking about it and I came home and I banged it out. Just let me be soft and self-indulgent, ok? Also they mention that time passes differently when you’re dead so to BJ it only feels like he’s been gone a month or two.

It wasn't like him to be nervous. At least, not topside. Here, he was the threat, the ominous force, the looming presence. He caused the gnawing pit in the stomach, not suffered it himself. Yet, here he was, in the same living room where it all began, chewing at his thumbnail and bouncing his knee, anxiously looking at the door. The house was different than Beetlejuice remembered, more lived in, the art actually tasteful and the walls covered in photos. It was evident that quite some time had passed since he'd left, but how much? Would Lydia still remember him? Was she even still alive? Had the Maitlands finally crossed over? What if the closest thing he'd ever had to a family was already gone?

Suddenly, the front door swung open, and a woman with dark hair pulled back into professional twist at the back of her head muttered something under her breath as she wiggled the key out of the old, sticky lock. She lifted her head and froze when she saw who was currently seated on her living room couch; or rather, floating in a seated position six inches above the cushion.

"Beetlejuice?"

His eyes widened as he got a better look at her face. 

"Lyds?"

"Holy shit!" She dropped her bag and her keys, bolting across the room and throwing her arms around him; she was taller now, he noticed absently. Taller than him. "I can't believe you're here! I thought you'd left for good."

"Whoa, hold up, hold up," he muttered, holding her at arm's length and taking a closer look at her. "Fuck, kid...you look awful. Did you get old?"

She laughed. "Of course I got old, Beej. You've been gone twenty years." Her fingertips, nails painted a stylish matte black, touched her face, where maturity had softened her childish angles. He could still see the teenager he knew in her eyes, which had lost none of their sharpness or cunning, and he grinned, finally letting go of her hands. He had been relieved to feel that she was as solid as ever, as human as ever. 

"So, twenty years…is that, like, a long time or something?"

Lydia laughed softly, settling down onto the couch and kicking off her shoes, revealing socks in stripes of green and black. "Long enough for me to get a PhD. in child psychology."

"Holy shit," he breathed, impressed and secretly about to burst with pride at her accomplishments. "Guess that means I gotta call you Doctor Deetz now?"

"Please don't."

Beetlejuice perched on the arm of the couch, elbows on his knees, still staring at her as if he still wasn't quite sure that she was his Lydia. "So, where's Chuckles and Diva at?"

"You mean Charles and Delia?"

"That's what I said."

"They're in Paris at the moment." She smiled and pointed to a snapshot on the wall of her father and stepmother on their wedding day. "He surprised her with a second honeymoon for their twentieth anniversary. Oh!" She stood suddenly, crossing to the foot of the stairs. "Almost forgot." Cupping a hand around her mouth, she yelled up the stairs. "Adam, Barbara! We have a guest!"

A split second later, the Maitlands appeared in the living room, phasing easily into view. Even after all this time, Beetlejuice still expected them to come running down the stairs, still clinging to the comforting limitations of being alive. He grinned, every tooth on display, as he extended his arms, as if to say here I am!

"Babs, Adam, babycakes! Didja miss me?"

He expected them to recoil, to remember the first time he had appeared to them in their living room and shrink back, but Barbara gasped and threw her arms around his neck, squeezing him so tightly he nearly choked on the breath he didn't need.

"Oh my god! You're back!" 

Slowly, he hugged her back, hiding a small but genuine smile in her blonde hair. "So that'd be a yes?"

She drew back, smiling gently. "Of course we missed you. The house always seemed a little less alive with you gone."

"How's that for irony?" He snickered, then stepped back, looking between the two of them, his hands shoved in his pockets as he rocked on the balls of his feet. "Jesus, you two look exactly the same. Still a couple of boring yuppies?"

"Well, we've had to make some compromises here and there, but more or less." Adam absently fiddled with his watch, still set to the exact date and time that he had met his demise. Beetlejuice grinned and stuck out a hand, sure that while Barbara had warmed up to him, Adam was still wary. To his shock and delight, Adam took his hand, tugged on it, and pulled him into another crushing hug. He backed up once he was released, the corners of his mouth nearly touching his ears, a green tinge on his cheeks that was the closest thing to a blush he could muster.

"You, uh...you guys really embraced the whole 'forgive and forget' thing, huh?"

"Well, you did ride a sandworm into the living room to save Lydia." Barbara beamed as Lydia, hair now hanging loose around her shoulders, nodded in agreement. "And we've had a lot of time to think about everything that happened...you wanted what anyone would want, and we can't fault you for that."

"Now I feel almost bad for telling Charles to go fuck himself."

Lydia laughed, but Adam made a hushing gesture. "Mind your language around the kid, please."

"What kid? Jeez, she's gotta be nearly forty by now."

"I'm thirty-four, asshole."

"Lydia!"

"Sorry."

Barbara shook her head. "Not her." She pointed toward the stairs, that gentle smile returning to her face. "That kid."

Beetlejuice turned, his eyes widening as he saw a girl of no more than six with wide blue eyes and dark hair peering at the group of adults from between the newel posts of the banister. Lydia’s face lit up when she saw the girl, and she knelt and held out her arms.

“Hey, bug!”

The girl grinned and ran to her, wrapping her small arms around Lydia’s neck as she straightened and spun, swinging her in a wide circle. Once she was on her feet, the girl looked up at Beetlejuice, regarding him curiously. Lydia, positively glowing with pride, placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. 

“This is Chloe. My daughter.”

His jaw nearly hung to the floor. For the first time in perhaps his entire existence, he was speechless, albeit momentarily. He looked to Lydia, to Adam, to Barbara, then back down to the girl, who was staring just as intently back at him. “I’m an uncle?! Why didn’t anyone tell me?!”

“You were gone,” Barbara said softly. “And we wanted her to be...well, used to ghosts before we introduced you two.”

Lydia sighed, picking Chloe up even though she seemed almost too big to be held. “She’s adopted, Beej. My fiancee and I got the papers finalized a couple of years ago, and she’s been getting used to life here. Adam and Barbara have been amazing help; you have no idea how happy I was when I brought her home and she immediately asked who the blonde lady was.” Turning her head, she pressed a quick kiss to her daughter’s cheek. “Clo, do you remember when you first came home? I told you stories about my friend BJ?” She nodded. “That’s him.”

Chloe fearlessly reached for his tie, lifting it to study the pattern. “Are you a ghost too, like Aunt Barbie and Uncle Adam? Can I call you Uncle BJ?”

Beetlejuice grinned, unable to help himself. “I’m the ghost with the most, squirt. And yeah, that’s fine and definitely not the weirdest thing I’ve been called,” he answered. Dropping the tie, Chloe echoed his smile and held out her arms. “Uh…” His hands twitched at his sides, as if he wanted to take her but didn’t quite trust himself. 

“It’s alright, you can hold her.” Lydia smiled. “She’s mostly out of her biting phase by now.”

Snickering, he let the girl clamber onto him, helping her onto his back where she immediately wrapped her limbs around him. “So. You’re a doctor, you got a kid, and you’re getting hitched? Christ, kid, you’ve been busy.” He playfully knocked her arm with his elbow. “So, who’s the lucky guy?”

Adam and Barbara exchanged a knowing look in the beat before Lydia answered. “Her name is Lexie.” His brows shot up and his grin widened, but he said nothing else. “She’ll be home soon, I’m sure she’d love to meet you.”

“Really?” His smile fell a bit. “Does, uh...does she know the whole story?”

“She knows the important parts.” Lydia leaned against the banister, watching her daughter attempting to untangle a knot from Beetlejuice’s hair. “She knows that you saved my life twice, and that you saw me and understood me when no one else did. She knows you were my friend.”

“She also knows that you kissed me,” Adam added, and all of them stifled a laugh. 

“So,” Beetlejuice started, unsure if what he was feeling now was hope or fear, “you guys...you’re okay with me sticking around?”

Lydia glanced over at the Maitlands, who shrugged and nodded. “For as long as you want,” she answered. The smile that before he had tried to hide now resurfaced, unable to be suppressed as he realized that yes, that sickening turning in his gut had to be hope. Despite everything he’d put them through, even after all this time, the Maitlands could look past the lies and Lydia could look past the betrayal. After all he’d done, they forgave him and made a place for him.

“Uh, Beej?”

“Yeah?” He looked down to see that he was floating approximately three feet off the ground, Chloe still tugging at his hair, seemingly oblivious to her sudden change of altitude.

“Can you bring my kid back down?”

“No.”

“BJ, I’m serious.”

“Nope. She’s my kid now.”

[linkspooky]

top 5 jujutsu kaisen characters 🥳

1. Gojou Satoru - I Am The Strongest 

The most interesting thing about Gojou is how unique and overpowering a character Gojou is. I don’t just mean in the sense that he has physical strength, but that he’s also what they call a ‘force of personality’. Gojou is incredibly up front about who he is, and what he wants. He never hides a single thought in his head, he never is discreet, compromises to other people and backs off in any way. Gojou is the most self centered character in the manga. 

What makes his character unique is that Gojou’s self-centeredness is not necessarily portrayed as a bad thing. It’s neither good nor bad, Gojou is allowed to be who he is by the narrative. Gojou is a selfish prick, but he’s also self determined. He is someone who knows what he wants and does everything to the best of his abilities to work for what he wants. 

Gojou is so busy looking at the infinity other people might as well not exist. He’s someone who sees himself as fundamentally above other people. However, when you look past that in his actions you see that while Gojou has so much strength, he’s using almost all of that strength not for the sake of himself but others. What Gojou wants is a better world, and he’s mature enough to realize he can’t just get it by smashing everything with his own hands even if he’s powerful enough to do that. 

You get the sense that Gojou while distant from others is still trying to understand their feelings, and communicate his own feelings in his own way. 

2. Getou Suguru - You will obey me, you monkeys. 

Getou is so interesting because all of the traits that have driven him to extremism are traditionally heroic traits. Getou is empathic, he’s incredibly considerate of others and wants to save them, he believes in justice. Getou humanizes the people that he personally gets to know so much, cares so deeply, that when he loses them it’s like one of his own organs gets ripped out. It’s the same as losing an arm or a leg. 

It shows that individuals within the system are not necessarily the problem, because the reason Getou fell so far because he wanted to be human and care about human lives in a system like the Jujutsu sorcerers system that was so uttterly dehumanizing. 

Getou’s so empathic if he were to see everyone as human his brain would just break. So, he divides the world into humans, people he can save, and monkeys who he no longer cares whether they live or die. If anything, Getou would be a better person if he was a little less kind, a little less caring. Gojou is actually much more mentally healthy because he’s less selfless than Getou is.

3. Kokichi Muta

In a series where every character is trying to get strong, Kokichi already has all the power he needs and he hates it. I like how he’s allowed to be ugly and genuinely resentful for his circumstances in life. 

Nobody really empathizes with Mechamaru. Even Panda who might come close to understanding it, essentially tells him to just get over it and stop causing problems for others. It’s understandable why Mechamaru was driven into enough of a corner that he betrayed sorcery high school. Kokichi just can’t swallow down his resentment. He never wanted to be born, he never wanted to be a jujutsu sorcerer, but Jujutsu society uses him anyway, he’s not a puppeteer he’s more like a doll of an inherently broken system.

Yet, there’s something genuine in Kokichi. He really wants to love his friends and be able to stand on equal terms with them. Despite how much hatred he carries in his heart, he’s genuinely touched by just the smallest amount of kindness Miwa showed to him. At the end of the day what he feels is an inferiortiy and unworthiness.. He feels like he’s not good enough to stand with others because he was born this way, and feels like he needs to be fixed. When really Miwa would have accepted him for who he was all along and wanted to see the real him. 

It’s another demonstration of how much a failure of empathy an drive these characters to desperate circumstances. What Kokichi needed wasn’t to be told to stop making a fuss, it was to be accepted for who he was, the ugly, the unpleasant and to have someone notice that even though he’s technically doing bad things Kokichi is also deep down still a suffering child. 

4. Maki Zenin - “I would have hated myself”

Maki is fun because she was treated like a disposable extra for her family, and rather than craving acknowledgement from that family, or a place to belong she just went ‘Neat, I’m gonna burn down the whole family tree then.” 

Maki’s ambitions, her resentment towards others, her desire to pursue strength are all things that are validated about her character. She is someone who gets to choose the way she wants to live, and is fighting against her entire family for that right even if it means she has to destroy that family in the end. Maki is allowed to be as self determined as Gojou.

At the same time though, Maki’s choice to put strength above all else does not make her a person who is only ever strong and never vulnerable because she would be just as flat as a character. Maki’s choice has consequences, because by choosing to live for her own personal strength she also doesn’t choose Mai the one person who ever genuinely saw her as family. 

Their conflict reminds me a lot of Gamorra and Nebula which is one of my favorite conflicts of all time, because neither of their feelings are wrong. Maki is not wrong for wanting to choose her own survival. Mai is not wrong for feeling like her sister broke their promise and abandoned her. However at the same time their choices have consequences, Maki choosing herself means she can’t choose Mai and she’s sacrficing their connection. It’s one of the most beautifully illsutrated conflicts in the manga. 

5. Nanami Kento - “Growing up is the accumulation of little despairs”

I like Nanami because he’s the one reasonable adult in a world of mad people? That doesn’t sound like much saying he’s ‘the guy with common sense’ but in his arc he gets a lot of depth to his personality. 

Basically he wants to help other people, but he’s also mature enough to realize that helping others is going to be a net loss. That if he tries to help everyone the same way Itadori does, he’s going to lose over and over again. What’s so interesting about Nanami is he’s not so much someone completely selfless, as someone who is too decent of a person for his own good. Which causes him to continually choose to help others, not because he’s motivated by some great quest to save the world but because he can’t look away from trouble. 

Nanami’s salaryman-like serious persona becomes more and more of an act as you dwell on his character. It’s like he’s putting on a show that he’s not as mad as everybody else, that he’s still reasonable in this world. It’s done mostly for his own sake because Nanami is striving to remain a good person, in a world he’s well aware is not so good. You get the sense that deep down he’s a much kinder person, but he always forces himself to be strict because he believes he has to.

[cas-kingdom]

She’s a Lady

A/N: Because you all love the sister!Shelby fics. <3 (Yes, the title is a Tom Jones song!)

Find the OC version of this fic here.

Title: She’s a Lady

Summary: You want to cut your hair, but Tommy won’t let you.

Words: 1919

“Can I cut my hair?”

Tommy rose an eyebrow from where he was sat behind his desk, reading a book during a rare moment of peace. You’d traipsed into his office a little after he’d began to read and unceremoniously dumped yourself in the chair opposite him. He hadn’t paid it much mind; Arthur and John were out on business, Michael was busy in the accountant’s office, Polly was shopping for new shoes with Finn, and Ada wasn’t due back from London for another two weeks. It was simply to be expected that you’d eventually grow bored with whatever you were doing and seek out your only free sibling.

He hadn’t said anything when you’d sat yourself sideways in his chair, instead simply pushing a book he’d thought you’d possibly be able to entertain yourself with for the next hour or so over to your side of the desk. Nevertheless, apparently a book was not enough to alleviate your boredom… which he couldn’t quite understand, seeing as he hadn’t seen you lay your eyes on it once.

“What do you mean?” he answered, spinning slightly on his chair but not lifting his eyes from the page he was currently absorbed in. Books were a relief, he found, in his line of work. There weren’t many days he got off, but during the ones he did he was almost always found nose-deep in a story. He’d hoped at least one of his siblings would follow after him in that – namely you – but was deeply disappointed to find that they all would rather do something else. You seemed to like painting, though, and he figured that was close enough. At least someone in the Shelby family had a possible future that wasn’t to do with the company.

“My hair. Can I cut it?”

“You’ve just had it cut.”

Tommy couldn’t see, but he would have bet his entire business on the idea that you’d rolled your eyes at that statement. “I know that,” you said. “But that was a trim, Tom.”

“Ah.” He nodded. “Why do you want another haircut?”

“Because I want it shorter.”

The man reached over to sip at his glass of whiskey. “How short?”

“Like… like Ada’s!”

The whiskey made a splash as Tommy coughed and the liquid came right out of his mouth again. He glanced up, feeling the burn in his throat, and rose both eyebrows. “Ada’s?” He coughed again and shook his head. “No, not that short.”

You frowned. “Why not? I like it.”

“Yeah, well.” Your brother cleared his throat. “I don’t.” He rested his eyes on your beautiful, long hair, falling about your shoulders like wild waves. Why you wanted it cut, he had no idea. Having short hair nowadays was a sign of maturity and adulthood. Finn had gotten his obligatory Blinders haircut when he’d turned sixteen, and though he had no problem with that, it was only because the boy was exactly that. A boy. You, on the other hand, were a girl – his girl, more specifically, and he had a distinct feeling that you would be getting the cut Ada, Lizzie, and all other girls in Birmingham above the age of eighteen had at a much later date, if he and his brothers had anything to say about it.

Tommy had learnt to braid in that hair, and he’d put one in every morning whenever Polly wasn’t around to plait you a better one. He’d spent countless smiles on watching John playfully tug on your long locks whenever he passed by, and he’d even helped wash out flour and egg and whatever else he’d caught you and Finn throwing at each other that one awful time… and he knew Arthur would be greatly upset by the massive loss of hair he’d have available for him to run his fingers through the next time the Shelbys had a quiet night together and you routinely made your way to your eldest brother’s lap.

A hair cut would most definitely affect your brothers more than it would affect you yourself, no doubt about it.

“You can’t control how I look!” you said indignantly, crossing your arms over your chest. He noticed you weren’t looking at him, though, something you did if ever you believed you may have crossed a line with something you’d said.

Of course, you hadn’t. Fortunately for you, Tommy understood your – in his opinion, appalling – want to cut your hair; you lived in a world where children did not have the ability to stay children for too long. It was natural for you to feel the need to grow up, and though cutting your hair seemed a strange way to grow up, it was, in actuality, what you’d be doing. As soon as he allowed you to cut it, many more things regarding adulthood would follow, and in no time at all you would no longer be the little girl your brothers would have you stay forever, if they had their say in it.

He sighed, marking his page with a bookmark and placing it back on his desk. “I’m not having you walking around Birmingham with short hair.”

“Why not?”

“Because all the men will think you’re a woman, and you’re not.” He rose an eyebrow, reaching for a cigarette and lighting it.

“I am!” You spun your legs around and sat up straight in the chair, giving your brother a look as he drew the cigarette up to his mouth and puffed. His eyes locked onto yours, sending a clear message without him even having to open his mouth, and you sighed, leaning back against your seat. “Almost.”

Tommy chuckled. “Wait until you are. Then we’ll talk about it again.”

It was silent for a moment, with you thinking to yourself and Tommy puffing at his cigarette. He had half a mind to pick his book back up, but those thoughts diminished as soon as you spoke yet again. “Ada said I’d suit short hair. So did Lizzie.” Your voice was quiet, and he wasn’t totally sure of the reason behind that, but he sighed nevertheless and answered.

“Of course they did. But they don’t know much about what it feels like to be an older brother, believe it or not.” He gave you a soft smile, hoping you weren’t going to go off on a tangent with this and take it all the wrong way. Of course you’d suit short hair. You’d suit anything. You were a pretty little girl who took after your mother in every way possible, and Tommy knew that, when the day did come that you deemed yourself old enough to make your own decisions based on your hair, you would look no less or more beautiful than you did with it long. Nevertheless, his point still stood. Short hair was a symbol of everything he did not want you to be at this point in time, and it almost pained him to know that you probably only wanted it so you could feel more of an adult. “This is a man’s world, Y/N,” he continued, “and we’re just lucky enough to have women in it. The moment you cut your hair to Ada’s length, you’re not a kid anymore.”

You nodded slowly, making a face. “So… you don’t want me to cut my hair…?”

“I’d rather you not, yeah.”

“… because you want me to stay a kid?”

Tommy smiled, shaking his head. He leaned forward in his chair and rested his elbows on the desk, looking straight at you. “For as long as possible.”

You knew he was giving you that look to try and make you happier about the situation; he wasn’t ignorant to the fact that it wasn’t always easy to be the odd one out. Every day, you were around women with short hair, and you simply wanted to be like them. Seeing as it was definitely one of those rare moments in which Tommy was actually smiling, you gave him one in return. “Fine,” you said, “but the moment John tugs on it again I’m grabbing a knife and cutting it all off.”

The man chuckled and took another puff of his cigarette. “Yeah, and I’ll have you wearing a wig until you’re thirty.”

“Sixteen, Tom! Finn got his when he turned sixteen!”

“Finn got some hair cut off the sides and layered up a bit on top. It doesn’t look any different to how it used to.”

“It looks nice!”

“Yours looks nice, Y/N. You’ve got beautiful hair. Don’t wish it all away.” He rose an eyebrow and you heaved a sigh. Truthfully, you did love your hair, but every woman you saw out on the streets had theirs cut into short little bobs. They framed their faces perfectly and there hadn’t been a single lady you’d seen, yet, that didn’t suit the look. You hardly doubted you’d be that one. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready for my baby sister to cut all her lovely hair off, okay?” He narrowed his eyes at your lack of response. “Okay?”

“Yes, yes, Thomas. Fine.” You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest, and your brother couldn’t help but see the image of another reason he could not quite imagine you with a mature haircut like the ladies’ of Birmingham. You weren’t there, yet, on the development side of things, and he hated the fact that fifteen-year-olds – both girls and boys – like you were forced to act more and more like the grown ups they weren’t these days. He’d be damned if he took away those last few years of freedom and innocence from you before you turned into a young woman. 

“And I’m telling Ada that, too, in case you want to go up to her and say that Tommy’s told you it’s fine to get your hair cut so can she arrange an appointment to do so, please.”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“’Course not.” Your brother shook his head, reaching for his glass of whiskey and draining the last few drops before glancing up as the door opened and John walked in. He rose an eyebrow. “Don’t we knock anymore, John boy?”

John gave the older man a look. “Seriously?”

“No. What’s wrong?”

“Trouble down at the Cut. Someone pushed Isaiah in the water and now they’re all arguing. Won’t listen to me so I said I’d get you down.” You could clearly tell he was trying hard not to laugh at the situation as he leaned casually on the back of your chair, attempting to maintain a serious facial expression while he looked at his older brother.

You snorted. “Should’ve pushed you in the water while they had a chance.”

John made a face and reached down, grabbing a few locks of your hair and pulling. Your head jerked to the side. “Ow!”

“Yeah, that’ll make you think twice, you little shit,” the man said with a grin. Nevertheless, you didn’t turn to him, instead sending a pointed look at Tommy. He sent one straight back in return, but John could easily decipher it to be one of warning. Before he could ask any kind of question, you shot up from your chair and ran straight towards the door.

“Fuck!” Tommy leapt out of his own seat, whacking his brother ‘round the head as he passed, before following straight after you. “Don’t you dare, Y/N!”

“Michael! I need that knife you were using earlier!”

Peaky Masterpost

[velvetsehun]

~velvetsehuns rules of smut~

Hello, VelvetSehun here!

TW// Explicit content ahead and talk of things that might be highly triggering to some people, proceed with caution and stay safe!

As I progress with Born to Die and think about moving onto other types of stories/imagine/drabbles I wanted to take a brief second to talk about my rules of smut for this blog! As a writer it’s my duty to try and write sexual content as realistic as possible but I think it’s healthy to establish what I will and won’t be writing!

Firstly, I think it’s safe to establish that I am an adult (I’m 21)! And while I can’t control what people do and don’t read, I do always put a trigger warning on my posts (if they’re needed which considering my pattern of stories will be) about the content of the chapter, and as I start to go on with my blog, anything that holds any sexual content will be marked accordingly! So, if you do feel uncomfortable reading that, you will be warned ~

Getting down and dirty, smut is something that is very much talked about on the platform as they are popular stories! But I feel like it’s my duty to sort of lay down a small set of rules as to why I will and just won’t write in accordance to smut, I’m not about to go out on a limb and write something that I just don’t believe in, so here’s my list of things that I will not write, I’m not here to kink shame, I’m merely talking about the things I don’t feel comfortable with. 

The Rules: 

- Any sexual relationships where a character seems forced/manipulated/convinced against their will/or just against their will (UNLESS it’s a pivotal part of the story, then it shall be brief and handled in a mature matter) 

- Romanticised abusive relationships – a common theme on tumblr, but I will not write a relationship that for a continuation of a story is highly romanticising toxic behaviours in relationships that are easily subdued with smut (Some relationships have toxic elements that can worked on/are toxic to the point the main character leaves – I will not write a character willingly living happily with a toxic relationship) 

- Sexual relationships with a minor, while I enjoy an age gap, I will only write it when both parties are completely consensual and LEGAL.

- Incest or relationships between Step-siblings 

- Sexual assault for the sake of a quick conflict in a story, it’s a serious matter and should be taken seriously in fiction too – not everyone gets a saviour, this is something people live with. 

- TW// I feel like I have to just flat out say it, R*pe or anything of the sort, I am not comfortable with it at all, and I will under no circumstance be writing about it. 

- While I don’t mind dirty talk and degradation, I do have a line. 

Those are my base rules, and I’m sure as I progress, I will update this list but for now those are my baseline rules! 

If you have any questions/qualms/or queries feel free to message me or drop an ask and we can chat about it! 

Stay safe lovelies okay? 

------

As I’ve spoken about some sensitive topics, if you or anyone you know is dealing with anything mentioned I’ve provided some helpful links.

Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Centre UK: 0808 802 9999 - open every day of the year

Victim Support UK: 0808 168 9111

Respond: 020 7383 0700 (Helpline, counselling and psychotherapy for children, adults and elders with learning difficulties who are either victims or perpetrators of sexual abuse.)

Rainn (US): 800-656-HOPE

Love is Respect – National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: (866) 331 – 9474

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender National Hotline: 1 (888) 843 – 4564 Youth Talkline: 1 (800) 246 – 7743 Senior Helpline: 1 (888) 234 – 7243

[visionaxry]

ELITE S3

SPOILER WARNING

Okay, was this season the best or am I so addicted to this show that every time it comes back I love it even more?

First and foremost. Polo deserved to rot in jail for the rest of his life, not to escape his agony by dying and get forgiveness from Guzmán. Just because he‘s dead he’s not any less of a murderer. Polo apologists can F off. You can like him as a character but do not excuse his actions. Marina’s murder was not an accident. Polo made a choice, and we saw how he wanted to hurt Ander the same way in S2. He could kill again... Well, at least now he won’t.

Now on to my favorite characters.

Rebeka continues to be the best. I’m glad she got more of a storyline this season. She’s definitely a character who you’d want to be best friends with. The scenes of her supporting Ander and coming out to him were beautiful. A lot of people - me included - wanted Rebe to be non-straight. When she admitted her feelings for Carla, I couldn’t believe we actually got the possibility of Rebeka and Carla ditching Samuel to be together. Sadly, I was right not to believe it. These «feelings» sank into oblivion just after they were revealed. We got no interaction (besides Rebe giving Carla drugs and apologizing about it), no longing looks, no development (even one-sided). Instead Rebeka was stuck in a forced romance with no chemistry, showcasing only jealousy over Samu towards Carla. As for Samu, he seemed to love Rebe as a friend, much like Marina loved him in S1. After all, Rebeka truly deserves someone who will reciprocate her feelings and a better crimeless life, which I really hope she will get in S4.

Samuel has done the impossible in S2 by becoming my favorite character. He used to embody “the good guy” trope which I hate, but he developed from this perfect-innocent-annoying character to a protagonist you can actually cheer for. Some people may argue that he’s still irritating and doesn’t deserve Carla. Nonetheless, I believe he balances off La Marquesa very well and I totally supported him on his quest for justice over two seasons.

Guzmán didn’t really shine that much in this season, yet he managed to returne into my top favorite characters. He still struggles to control his anger and grief, but he’s already more mature than he ever was, which is mostly visible in his behavior towards Nadia and Lucrecia.

Guzmán’s friendship with Samuel was the best this season, alongside Lú and Nadia’s, and I hope to see more of it next season.

Carla. The character I didn’t care about in S1, didn’t trust in S2, and finally loved in S3. Her story this season was heartbreaking, and getting more of her family dynamic helped to understand how her mind works. She’s used to being a kid acting as an adult, manipulating, simulating feelings, taking care of business and people who threaten her family’s image, because that’s the only model of behavior she’s ever had. That’s why her obtaining freedom from drugs, parents, and social expectations at the end couldn’t be more satisfying.

Lú and Ander. The only characters that made me cry this season. Two characters I like a lot, each with one flaw that I can’t forgive. Lú’s one being incest which is a choice not a part of love-is-love formula, and I hate the show for romanticizing it. And Ander’s - being friends with Polo.

Lú has always been an interesting character for me (resembling Blair from Gossip Girl). She obviously hid all her insecurities under a bitchy exterior, and I wanted to see more of her emotional side, which was given in her beautiful friendship with Nadia. Lú and Nadia are two sides of the same coin, and them becoming frenemies was long-overdue. Them supporting, comforting each other, and going to study abroad together was a dream come true. (Their friendship reminds me of Santana&Rachel from Glee, let’s hope this one’ll work out).

Lú was expected to be a hbic when the show came out, but eventually that slot was taken by Carla. Lú wasn’t really involved in the main plot until this season. That’s why her killing Polo was unexpected to say the least. Towards the end of the last episode I thought that whoever killed Polo must be someone who you wouldn’t even think of. Sweeping aside the obvious Guzmán and Samuel, I determined Ander, Nadia and Lú as my suspects. Still when Lú went after Polo with the bottle until the very killing I thought it was a decoy. Lú becoming a murderer was in fact an accident even though she probably went in with an intention to hurt him. Her feeling remorse was truly heartbreaking, and I hope we’ll see more of the aftermath this all had on her.

In such a murderous show it‘s valuable to have a different perspective on life and death through Ander’s character. His journey this season made the concepts of justice and resentment shine in another light.

The part of Ander’s story that I didn’t like was his romantic relationship and it wasn’t even his fault. That’s why we’re moving on to the character who disappointed me the most.

THE DOWNFALL OF OMAR

By this point Omar has collected so many flaws that I hate his character.

Let’s start from S2 when him being friendly with Lú was cute and all but also meant betraying his sister, who shall I mention has never done any harm to him, only helped and supported him.

Then he certainly crossed the line this season by cheating on Ander with Nadia’s boyfriend. Continuously. Nadia was quick to forgive Omar which was so infuriating. Not only did he not prevent his sister from falling for a liar, but he also kept sleeping with him. Furthermore, when confronted about it instead of apologizing he turned the situation on Nadia.

Needless to say, Ander did not deserve to be cheated on AND being lied to. Omar still hasn’t told he cheated. When Ander pushed him away by lying that he cheated, Omar seemed more concerned with where would he live now rather than the break up itself.

At this point Omar and Ander didn’t seem like a good match, and I was begging for them to break up. How happy was I when they actually did. It felt necessary and realistic for this relationship to come to an end. Unfortunately, I was early to celebrate. They had to go and ruin this perfect ending. I am mad Omar went back to Ander. I can’t believe this relationship will be dragged on for another season. I hate the fact that Omar will go to Las Encinas now. May I ask how could Omar even get a scholarship with his low grades???

There’re a few relationships left to discuss.

There was a lot of everybody-sleeping-with-everybody going on, but not much deep connections.

Guznadia and Carmuel didn’t get a lot of screen time, even though the few scenes they got were sweet.

Carla’s enslavement of a relationship was truly toxic and appalling.

Malick and Nadia’s relationship was hard to get on board with since the beginning and of course disappointing by the end in both the ship and Malick’s character.

Malick and Yeray were not captivating nor charming. Overall, S3 failed to introduce new characters especially compared to S2.

It was cool to see that the show didn’t abandon polyamory representation. Valerio, Polo and Cayetana getting together was unpredictable. I expected Valerio to get with Rebeka, and even her mom, but those rendezvous blew over like they never happened, and left Valerio to the psychos.

Do you know what would be even cooler than this threesome? A thruple consisting of actually likable characters. When will we get Rebeka with Samu and Carla? That would be quality representation.

With all my impressions laid out I have to say that this show is amazing. It keeps the audience in suspense with an intriguing plot while also developing numerous multidimensional characters and tackling serious societal issues and philosophical questions.

[that-curly-haired-lesbian]

Like many other Gaylors, I'm fascinated with Taymily from a historical perspective. We know so little about it compared to Swiftgron and Kaylor, and wondering about which Fearless and Speak Now songs may be about Emily drives me mad with curiosity! However, I admittedly feel a little unconventional when people talk about Taymily without critically noting some things. First of all, I've heard from some people that Emily had a guy at home while touring with Taylor. (2/3)

I’m all for people exploring their sexuality, and Isupport open relationships as long as they’re honest and healthy, but if Emilyreally did cheat on a partner at home that’s not cool! Secondly, I feel alittle uneasy about Taymily because of the age gap between Taylor and Emily.Taylor was 16/17 when she dated Emily, and Emily was 21. I’m 17 now, and I’dfeel really creeped out if somebody older than 19 tried to start a romanticrelationship with me.

I don’t doubt that Taylor used to be very mature forher age as a teenager, but no matter how intelligent or wise you are as achild, an adult is still in an entirely different ballpark! There’s also thefact that as somebody way more experienced in the music industry, Emily wasprobably way more knowledgeable than Taylor about what a closeted relationshipwould entail. Taking that into account, I can’t help but feel sorry for Taylor.Emily left her when she was barely of legal age!

I can’t imagine what it must have felt like for Taylorwhen Emily decided as a fully-fledged adult that being in a gay relationshipwasn’t in her best interests after all, and that she’d rather have ‘a husbandand kids’. I don’t think Emily is an evil person or anything, but I reallycan’t ignore the power of position she was in this context. Do you get what Imean? (Also please just ignore my divisions now they’re a mess sksksksk I’msorry)

I hope I don’t sound accusatory in these asks, becauseI’m still as fascinated with Taymily as other Gaylors, and I’m not mad or angryat anybody for being interested in them. But I feel like it’s important to notethat Taymily may have been a bit ethically murky at the time, and that therelationship may have not been ideal or healthy. What do you think? I’m sorryfor spamming your inbox, and I hope this doesn’t annoy you ;-; Thanks forhearing me out!

–

Hello dear!

First of all you make a lot of valid points here and don’t sound accusatory at all, I think it’s really important to have conversations like this. Secondly don’t apologize for the divisions and the length, figuring out how much text fits into a tumblr ask is a serious pain and you are not annoying at all, I love getting long asks like this! Lastly, I hope that this ask is the first and not in fact the second one of all that you sent, because if the division on this one is correct I’m afraid I didn’t receive the first one.

Also sorry in advance if my response makes no sense it became somewhat messy at times…

Now for your points:

 Itseems Emily did have a guy back homeat some point, which I’m basing off of this comment by Taylor, astatement that she allegedly dropped when introducing Emily during the rest ofthe shows, causing some Gaylors to assume perhaps Emily broke up with the dudeonce she fell for Taylor and thus didn’t cheat on anyone, at least not for theentire duration of her relationship with Taylor (not that any cheating, nomatter how brief is okay, of course.) Although I can admit that the “whathappens in L.A stays here” is reminiscent of cheating, which noooo Tay!

According to thisarticle though, Emily married a dude she was friends with in high school, perhaps giving the impression to somethat she had been with him the whole time including her time with Tay, but thearticle makes sure to point out that they reconnected after Emily returned home having left her position in Taylor’sband.

Of course the boyfriend mentioned by Taylor inthat clip could have been a different man from the one Emily ended up marrying,but since Taylor dropped the “Emily-has a boyfriend”-part of her introduction Ithink it’s relatively safe to assume Emily was single for the majority of hertime working for Taylor.  OR the more funpossibility is that Taylor herself is the “boyfriend” mentioned in theintroduction and she’s just messing around, implicitly warning people not tohit on her girl :P I guess we will never know for how long (if at all) Emilyhad a boyfriend while being with Taylor, but I hope everyone broke up witheveryone else before entering a different relationship of course, regardless I thinkit’s safe to assume Emily is bisexual and might have been figuring that outduring her time with Taylor. (Not that bisexual people cheat or that figuringout your sexuality makes cheating okay in any way, just wanted to point out thefact that she’s most likely bi)

 Inall honesty the older I get the more uneasy I become with the age gap too, I firstdiscovered Taymily when I myself was 16 and at the time I had several friendsmy age who were all dating people in their early 20’s so I suppose in my socialcircles at that time that age gap didn’t seem too significant. Although Now I’m23, about a year-ish older than Emily was when she first started going out withTay and let me tell you, I would personally feel incredibly uncomfortabledating a 16-17 old at this point in my life and do now consider that age gap verysignificant.

I agree that Taylor has likely always been avery mature and wise-beyond-her-years sort of person, but that still mostdefinitely doesn’t make someone over 18 dating her at 16-17 okay, like you say, it’s anentirely different ballpark.

To be somewhat fair though, I do not thinkEmily was more experienced in the industry than Taylor, actually I think itmight have been the other way around, see Taylor had been writing songs in atleast a semi-professional setting since age 13 or so, Emily just applied to thepoison of fiddle player for The Agency (not yet called that at that time)straight out of college where she to my understanding had been studyingsomething unrelated to music, I don’t think she’d been doing music in such aprofessional sense before joining Team Taylor. 

Iwant to state before I continue that I am not defending Emily the adult’s decision to enter a relationshipwith a minor, but I can imagine thatliving in such close courters and being on the road trying to figure thismusic-industry thing out must lend itself pretty well for unexpected  things to happen between people and I do notthink either of the two planned to fall for each other. Was it inadvisable andunprofessional and like you say a little ethically murky? Most definitely, butit did happen regardless of anyone’s intentions, just as things in life tendto.

 I do feel like had Emily stopped to reflect on the decision she would’ve mostlikely come to the conclusion that a relationship with Taylor wasn’t the bestidea from an image or closeting standpoint, but I do not think either of themwere prepared for the pushback their relationship would receive from managementand I do believe the Emily’s forced dismissal was out of both of their handsand it likely wasn’t Emily’s intention to leave so abruptly.  That being said I do think Taylor held on tohope that they’d be able to be together romantically regardless of the firingand I do think Emily shot her down there. Without a question it would have beenEmily’s responsibility as an adult to look at their relationship more clearlythan Taylor could and I agree with you that choosing not to do so most likelyput Emily in a power position that is indeed hard to ignore!

 Asfor Emily’s comments about leaving Taylor because she “wanted a husband andkids” that does strike me as some powerful internalized homophobia which makesme sad (Em, gay people can have those things too but okayyyyy) And I too oftenthink about how upsetting and borderline traumatic the whole experience ofthe firing, vigorous closeting by management and breakup that followed that must have been for Taylor as a teenager. I do think that’s the reason we gotso many heartbreaking songs (such as All Too Well) where it does appear she’sworking through some serious life-altering trauma related to her love life andalso by extension all of the bearding and closeting that followed all of this.

As mylast point I just want to make absolutely clear that this is all speculation asto what happened between Taylor and Emily and how their relationship playedout, we will never know the facts. Furthermore, we all know that I am Taymily trash and will continue to enjoy this ship to the day I die, but this is a super important conversationto have as we continue to explore Taymily and other of Taylor’s relationshipsin an analytic light!

Thankyou so much for these asks, anon! 😊😊😊

[thequeenoffish]

17 Years of Freedom - Chapter 2

Ship: Starker

Warning: Incest

Summary:

In a world were omegas must have a legal alpha there is only one loophole, children. If an omega has a child and is not mated, they effectively own themselves till their youngest child comes of age. If that child is an alpha, they take over legal ownership, if not, the omega is owned by their last alpha guardian or the government.

Tony Stark is 24, he has been owned legally by Obadiah Stane since he was 17, but he knows Stane is tired of owning him legally without mating with him, so he gets pregnant. 9 months later Peter Stark is born, he is an alpha. Tony loves his son more than life itself and is determined to raise an alpha who truly respects omegas. But, as his son grows into an adult, things start to get complicated for them both.

Read Chapter two here on Ao3

---

Tony wakes the morning after his rescue to find 5 missed calls and ten text messages, all from Hill and Fury. The messages make it clear that Fury is pissed that Peter intervened and that they went back to the tower instead of straight to S.H.I.E.L.D. to be debriefed. Tony looks at Peter, curled against his chest, still dead asleep. He kisses his hair gently and lays in bed till voices drift into the room. “Of course, Phil, I’ll get them. Just wait here,” Tony hears Pepper’s voice. Tony’s arms tighten around Peter involuntarily at the mention of the agent being in their home. He doesn’t want S.H.I.E.L.D. near Peter. He’d taken significant measures to stop them finding out he’d been bitten and gained powers. Up till now, Peter has been content to train with Tony and build a suit to fit his powers, but Tony knew he’d want to use them for more soon…

Pepper opens the door and smiles softly at the scene. “Tony, S.H.I.E.L.D. needs you and Pete for the debriefing,” she tells him. Tony groans. He can feel Peter starting to stir. “Come on, Bud, time to wake up and come to work with Daddy,” he jokes. Peter lets out a soft groan and presses closer to Tony’s chest. “Five more minutes” he mumbles, voice thick with sleep. Tony laughs and rolls him onto his back. “Sorry kid, if you want to be a hero, you have to get used to the part of the job where you get shouted at for doing the right thing,” he tells him. Peter groans. “You’ll be with me?” he asks, eyes fluttering open. Tony strokes his cheek. “Wouldn’t let them separate us, kid,” he reassures. Peter leans into his hand and smiles sleepily.

---

An hour later, they’re sitting in a meeting room at S.H.I.E.L.D. Peter and Tony, being forced to wait in uncomfortable chairs, have pushed them closer together so they can lean against each other. Peter keeps scent marking Tony. It makes Tony’s heart ache. Peter must have been so worried. “You think I have time for a nap?” Peter asks, yawning. At that instant, the door opens. “No, you don’t, Spider-Boy,” Nick Fury exclaims. Peter seems unintimidated. He simply looks at the man and says, “You know, I think you were right about waiting to be a hero, Dad. ‘Boy’ really doesn’t have the same ring to it as ‘man,’ does it?” he asks. Tony grins, extremely proud of his son. “Boy is a little patronising,” he agrees. Fury does not appreciate the joke. He strides across the room and puts his hands on the table. “You did something incredibly dangerous, Pup. This is no laughing matter!” he snaps. Peter’s nose crinkles at the word, a word used only by parents for their own children unless it’s being used as an insult to talk down to someone else’s child. “And you were all just standing around! At least I did something. In fact, I did a lot of somethings,” he points out. Tony chest warms at how confident Peter is against this full-grown alpha.

Fury growls. The warm feeling disappears and in a second Tony is standing, hands on the table as he growls at Fury, right in his face. “You don’t fucking growl at Peter,” he spits out. “If you do, then you can forget this whole debrief, clear?” The two stare each other down. “In case you’re forgetting, Director, I tracked down the location my Dad was being kept hours if not days before S.H.I.E.L.D. was able to. I called and gave you the coordinates in time for S.H.I.E.L.D. to arrive 30 minutes after I did. As much as you want to act like I’m an idiot, I thought about this before I did it, and I am not going to apologise,” Peter says, voice confident, though it wavers a bit on the last word. Fury pulls back and glares at Peter. “It was reckless and dangerous, and you could have ruined the whole operation if you’d been caught,” he snaps. Peter rolls his eyes. “But I didn’t, did I?” he points out. “How exactly did you do it, Pete?” Tony asks, sitting back and sliding his arm around Peter’s shoulder. “You didn’t get a chance to tell me yesterday, and despite already seeing the footage that I sent to S.H.I.E.L.D., they’ll want the details in your own words” he points out. Peter smiles proudly at Tony. “I tracked you by following the unique trace of the arc reactor,” he says. Tony raises an eyebrow, impressed. “That took a few hours to get right, and then I used my override code to activate four Iron Man suits,” he explains. “I arrived at the coordinates with just the mark 13, then had my drone do a flyover to get a basic scan of the building. I went in through the vents since basically no one else would have been able to get into them. The vents had sheer drops with nowhere to attach a line to lower yourself down. I listened in from the vents, found out where you were being held, got into the room you were in, and beat the shit out of the two fucking asshole rapists. Then S.H.I.E.L.D. arrived due to my tip, with backup from the two other suits. Then the mark 12 and 13 came to pick us up, we helped S.H.I.E.L.D. clear the building a little, and then we flew back to the tower,” Peter finishes.

Fury looked unimpressed. “If you had been caught, you would have tipped them off, and then you, SI tech, and your Omega would have all been taken,” he snaps. Peter flinches. “Yes, well done, you do understand failure,” he snaps back, “But if my Dad had waited for you, he would have been raped!” Peter exclaims, a growl creeping into his tone. Fury steps forward again. “He knew the risks of fighting and getting caught as an omega!” he growls. Peter’s sensitive ears ring with the loud growl and he sways, but he won’t back down. Tony stands, ready to hit Fury for talking about him like that and growling at Peter again. “Stop!”

Their heads all snap to the door. It’s Steve. He’s glaring fiercely at Fury. “I can’t believe you just implied that, Fury, and watch your damn tone with Pete, he’s only a kid!” he snaps as he strides towards them. “I think this meeting is over. Come on, guys,” he says. Tony grabs Peter’s arm and pulls him out of the room as Peter continues to glare at Fury until he’s out of sight. Steve leads them through the base in silence to a rec room where the rest of the Avengers are.

Before Tony can speak and defend Peter, Steve is turning and hugging Peter. “Well done,” the Captain says. Peter blinks and hugs him back. “T-thank you,” he stutters, surprised. Steve pulls back enough to look him in the eye, hands still on his shoulders. “We may technically work for S.H.I.E.L.D., but we aren’t that conformist,” he pauses. “I think we can admit that, before yesterday, we might not have listened to you if you came to us with a plan since we still see you as a little kid sometimes. But next time, tell us your plan and we can go together without their approval, okay kid?” he asks quietly.

Peter’s eyes fill with tears and he nods. “O-okay,” he stutters. “You were very brave to do what you did, and I am so grateful that you were smart about it and that you saved Tony,” he says, voice quiet. “We watched the footage, Pete. Your upper hook needs some practice. We’ll have to spar together,” Natasha tells him, smiling. Peter looks shocked. “I, I’d like that Nat. I normally only spar with my Dad and Rhodey.” “You need to practise your aim,” Clint states. “We can practise with your stun darts,” he says, putting a hand on his shoulder. Suddenly Peter is lifted up from behind. “You are a warrior, Pete, and so on Asgard a man!” Thor exclaims as he hugs him back into his chest. Peter laughs. “Then put me down!” he exclaims. “I am a superior warrior. I get to hug you,” Thor tells him smugly. Peter laughs and Thor puts him down after a few more seconds. Bruce comes closer. “You’ll have to show me how you tracked Tony down so fast, Peter,” he tells him, smiling.

Tony watches them all, a warm feeling in his chest, and thinks that this is what it’s like to have a large family.

--- After the kidnapping incident, Peter finds himself becoming more protective and possessive of his Dad. This, however, is not an entirely new feeling for him. Peter was 12 when he first smelled alpha cum on his Dad. The stink of sex and alpha clinging to his skin made his nose scrunch up and the first protective alpha instincts rise in his chest.  His Dad assumed that the possessive hug was because Peter smelled another alpha on him. Not because, despite the shower Tony took to wash away the smell of sex, Peter’s enhanced nose can still smell the other alpha’s claim. At the time, Peter wasn’t sure what the smell was exactly, just knowing in his chest that it was in some way another alpha’s mark on his Dad. Peter remembers holding his Dad tight and wanting to keep him away from anyone who’d put that kind of mark on him ever again.

Now Peter is 15 and he controls himself better, understanding that his Dad is entitled to enjoy his freedom while Peter is maturing into a proper alpha. But then Peter starts smelling the same alpha over and over, and only him, for two months, and he starts to get worried. He needs to do something, now. He primes his innocent puppy eyes and pout that he knows his Dad can’t resist and one night during dinner he casually says, “Are you serious about this alpha?”

Tony chokes on his food for a few seconds.

“Which alpha?” he asks, looking guilty. “The one you smell of whenever you come back from ‘business dinners.’ I’m not stupid Dad, god,” he says, rolling his eyes. Tony laughs and rubs his neck. “Sorry, Buddy, I should have told the truth. We are pretty serious,” he admits. Peter looks at his Dad with wide puppy eyes. “I thought you wanted me to be your Alpha and look after you,” he says, making his voice sound soft and hurt. Tony’s face contorts in pain at seeing Peter upset and he reaches for his hand and squeezes it. “I, I am sorry, baby. I just met someone and they’re pretty nice and I like them a lot. I didn’t plan it,” he explains softly. Peter hums and then pouts. “I get to meet them! I don’t care if I’m not your guardian Alpha yet, I want to keep you safe!” he demands. Tony laughs and squeezes his hand again. “Okay, Bud, it’s about time anyway,” he agrees. Peter smiles. Step one of the plan is a go. ---- Peter hates the dinner.

Sitting and eating dinner with some businessman named Carl Werewood and having to watch him touch his Dad all over like he owns him feels like torture. Carl’s hand is always around Dad’s waist, on his thigh, holding his hand, or on his lower back. It takes a lot not to break his hand when he sees the man squeeze his Omega’s ass when he thinks Peter isn’t looking. What’s worse is the scent of slight arousal coming from his Dad at the action.

And aside from all of that, disregarding his jealousy over this strange alpha, his spider-sense tells him the man is dangerous. Before, he was jealous, but now he’s worried too. Peter is the perfect son, polite and intelligent, and Carl seems impressed with him. Alphas are often very protective so it isn’t strange when Peter asks lots of questions and even makes Tony sit in the back of the car with him on the way back from dinner. “I was worried that might go badly, with you full with hormones and all, but I forgot it’s you, Pete. I don’t know why I was worried,” Dad says, kissing his cheek when they are back home. Peter’s chest swells with the praise. “I wanted to make a good impression for you, Dad,” he says. Tony smiles fondly. “You did great, thanks,” he says, eyes full of love. “What did you think of him?” “He seemed nice, smart, rich. He seemed to like you a lot,” Peter suddenly looks at his feet and pauses. “It, it might be nothing, but...” he trails off. Tony tilts his chin up. “But?” he asks, frowning. “He triggered my spider-sense. He felt like danger. Maybe it’s nothing, but... be careful okay?” he says softly. Tony hugs him. “I know that your sense can be pretty serious, so I promise to be careful, okay?” he murmurs. Peter hugs back tightly. “Love you, Dad.” “Love you too, kid.” ----

Now Peter’s got a name, a face, and a scent. He’s ready to start phase two. He is sure there’s something wrong which, while concerning for his Dad, is convenient for him because if there is, he doesn’t have to compete against the alpha in the same way. He had been planning to stalk Carl to find out his flaws and attempt to expose them, but if there is something really wrong, this won’t be needed. The next date they are going on is a few days later. In a show of protectiveness that he is sure Tony finds cute, he asks where he is going and when he will be back. Tony tells him and promises to stay safe.

Peter first has to negotiate with Karen. “Here’s the deal: either you don’t share my location with Friday, or I leave my watch, phone and suit home and risk getting hurt with no backup.” Karen is silent. “Locking baby monitor protocol for three hours,” she finally responds. Peter grins. “Great.” He goes to the restaurant and waits outside on the rooftop in his stealth suit. A little while later, Tony and Carl leave the restaurant. They kiss, far too passionately for Peter’s liking. He doesn’t like the man’s wandering hands.

He follows Carl’s taxi. This is day one of surveillance and he expects to simply find out where he lives, but instead Carl takes the taxi to a BDSM dungeon. This is an immediate red flag. He and Tony are exclusive. Peter already knows Carl is probably cheating, but there’s a chance Tony could forgive that. He needs to know what the man goes there to do. The suit changes to its normal colours and he strides in, going up to the counter where the beta hostess stares at him in shock. “I need information for an investigation I’m working on. How much?” Peter asks, getting straight to business. The woman blinks a few times. “Depends what it is.” “I want to talk to the person who served a man who has been here before and is here now, and I want to know how many times he has visited,” Peter explains. “I’ll pay you and the person who served them.” The woman looks him up and down. “$500 for what I can give you, but I won’t negotiate for them,” she answers. Peter draws out his wallet and counts out ten $50 bills. He offers half of it. “Other half after you give me the information,” he demands. She takes it. “Name.” “Carl Werewood,” he answers. Her face turns grim. “At least 4 times a month for the last 5 months or so,” she tells him. He nods. “Can I talk to anyone who served him?” he asks. She checks her computer screen then nods. “Yeah, one of the boys is free right now. Come through here so you don’t run into him,” she tells him, guiding him into a room. It’s half BDSM dungeon, half bedroom. “I don’t have anyone for 40 minutes, I’m on break-” the man stops when he sees Peter. “Spider-Man,” he whispers. Peter gives the woman her other $250. “He just wants to ask some questions. He pays well,” she tells him. The man nods, looking at Peter with wide eyes. “What do you need, Sir?” he asks. “I need to know what Carl Werewood pays for here,” Peter says. The boy’s face turns pale. Whatever it is must be bad to provoke such a reaction. The man swallows. “He shouldn’t be allowed here, but he pays the mistress too well,” he whispers. It is bad. “What does he do?” Peter repeats in a gentler tone. The omega twists his hands together. “He picks the omegas who are older like me and have some muscle and brown hair, and then…” he trails off, shaking. “He beats us half to death, then has sex with us, and then beats us again till he’s satisfied. It, it takes hours for him to be done. I was in the hospital for a week,” he whispers. Peter feels disgusted. “I‘m very sorry for what has happened to you,” he says softly. He takes out the other $500 and presses it into the omega’s hand and then gets out some more. “Give the other $500 to whoever he’s with now, for me. Could you do that?” he asks. The omega nods, wiping his eyes. Peter nods. “Thank you,” he says, starting to leave. “There is something e-else,” the man says suddenly. Peter turns back. “Yes?” “He, he calls us Tony,” he whispers.

Peter barely restrains a growl. “Thank you for telling me. If I can, I will ensure that he never touches you again,” he promises before striding out.

---

He gets back to the tower just as Tony calls him. “Hey,” he calls. Tony turns, hand falling from his ear. Peter pulls his mask off. “I’m glad you’re here, but why wouldn’t Karen tell Friday your location?” he asks worriedly, striding towards him. Peter looks at the floor. “I bribed her not to because I was doing something you’d disapprove of,” he says quietly. Tony cups his face in his hands. “Baby, what were you doing?” he asks quietly. Peter surges forward and hugs Tony tightly. “I was worried, Daddy, so I followed Carl after the date. I just felt like something bad was going to happen,” he says, voice shaking, face buried in Tony’s neck. “Peter, that is a violation of his privacy. I am angry about that and we will be discussing it, but are you satisfied that he is fine now?” Tony asks sounding upset and angry but not too much due to Peter’s tears. Peter pulls back. “Something did happen, Dad,” he whispers as he cries. Tony’s face morphs into concern. “What? Is he okay?!” he demands. Peter nods, still crying. “Karen, play, play from when I arrived at the place C-Carl stopped,” he orders. A screen flickers to life and Tony lets go of him and steps away to stare at it as he watches Carl enter the club. “Th-that doesn’t mean he’s cheating. He might just have business there,” Tony says, but Peter can hear the worry. “Keep playing, Karen,” he whispers. He steps closer to his Dad, and when the man he questioned starts talking, he watches Tony’s face transform into betrayal and then horror, especially at the last line. “I’m sorry,” Peter whispers because he is. He thought maybe the guy was involved in under the table dealings or crime or wanted Tony for his money, but not this. Tony is shaking. “He, he hurt all those men to, to maintain a facade, to stay calm around me so I trusted him, and, and then when I couldn’t leave, he would have…” Tony trails off. Peter reaches forward and touches his shoulder. “Omega?” he whispers. Tony needs his Alpha, not his son, right now. Tony looks at him so scared, shaking and almost crying. “It’s going to be okay. You’re safe. Come here,” he coaxes. Tony steps closer and Peter pulls him into his arms. “I’ve got you,” Peter promises. “It isn’t your fault, any of it. It’s going to be okay, Omega,” he promises. Tony lets out a sob, then another, and another. Peter holds him in the kitchen, and then in bed. The next day, Tony confronts Carl, and Peter is there for support as Tony shouts at the alpha. The man denies it and denies it, and when Tony steps back to leave saying he doesn’t care to be lied to anymore, he grabs Tony’s wrist, his eyes full of anger, and raises a hand. Peter surges forward and grabs his wrist and throat. “You let go of my Dad right now or you will regret it,” he growls. Carl gasps for breath and Peter squeezes. He lets go. Tony spits on him. Tony keeps it together till they get back to the car. Peter holds him as his Dad cries. Later, when they’re eating ice cream, snuggled up on Tony’s bed, he whispers, “I don’t deserve such a good son.” Peter strokes his hair. “I love you. I want you to be safe and happy, Dad. I’ll always be here for you,” he promises, lacing their fingers together. Tony presses closer. “Love you too, Pete.”

---

Peter tells Aunt Nat the basics of what happened. She assures him that the man will get his comeuppance in the future with flames in her eyes.

---

Tony doesn’t come home smelling of another alpha’s cum for 9 months after Carl. Peter feels bad because Tony now seems to have lost trust in himself, and his Dad is nothing if not wonderful and smart. But now if he has anything more than a passing interest in an alpha, they very quickly meet Peter so he can check them out with his spider-sense.

First is Sarah. He has a bad feeling about her. She is caught attempting to steal the plans for the Iron Man suit.

Second is Harry. He is involved in black market dealings.

And finally, when he is 16 years and 5 months, there is Charles. He is a gold digger, mixing in high society circles in order to marry and social climb. Peter observes him on the date and he seems genuinely charmed by Tony. But in the end, Peter decides he can’t trust Charles with something as precious as his Dad’s heart. Tony is used to social climbers after so many years so he mostly shrugs off the evidence until Peter cups Tony’s face in his hands and looks into his eyes. “Dad, you deserve someone who would love you even if you were dirt poor. You deserve so much better than Charles.” Tony’s eyes fill with tears and he looks away quickly, blinking them back. “O-okay,” he whispers. A few days later, he breaks it off.

Peter feels bad about Tony’s loss of confidence and tries to rebuild it when they work together in the lab and when they train in the gym together, but him being wary of alphas in a romantic sense isn’t something Peter tries to dispel. It’s still 7 months till Tony is his Omega. He doesn’t want someone to take him away before that.

----

Tony sometimes wakes up in cold sweats thinking about what could have happened if Peter hadn’t warned him. It reassures Tony to have Peter come and meet alphas he has been on more than two dates with, telling them he wants them to get along when really Peter is protecting him. Not even his Alpha yet and protecting him.

It reassures Tony. Peter is protecting him from all these alphas. He clearly doesn’t intend to just sell him off to the highest bidder. But perhaps even his sweet, wonderful son has a price.

[thereseoutspoken]

10 things I wish I knew (and told myself) at 20

20 is still a very young age

When I just became 20, I felt like I was a full grown woman, for the very reason that I was already out of my teenage years. I felt like I was already mature, and independent, and I felt like I should be serious with my life because I am already old enough. I couldn’t say these assumptions were all wrong. But I wish I could have told myself that 20 is still a very young age. It was an end chapter for my teen spirit, but twenty is only the beginning of a new one. Basically, at this age, you shouldn’t feel too old yet. Yes, you can still play dress ups on Friv, feel giddy over a childish crush, not know how to use the ATM machine, and still want your mom’s assistance during dental check ups. You have your entire life ahead of you to grow and learn. Right now, at twenty, just take things slow.

     2. Taking risks is different from gambling. Avoid the latter.

I have been told countless times by friends (and even the guy I fell in love with) that I should learn how to take risks. I should have listened. At times I am such a coward for not even trying. So yes, I should have listened when they said I should take some risks. But when they told me to take risks even though things are uncertain, I’m going to get hurt, or even if it’s not worth it, I disagreed. Know how to take risks… and when to take risks. Sometimes taking risks even if it’s not worth it could lead to so much pain, which also requires a great amount of time for healing. You could have used the time for healing for waiting on something you could have deserved at the right time, but instead you used it for risking on something uncertain and unworthy (At least there’s the learning part, though). So I tell you this: learn to take risks at the right circumstance. Do not gamble on ambivalence.Because part of taking risks is knowing (and internalizing) what’s at stake.

      3. You will fall in love with the wrong person and you don’t need to force them to be the right one.

Part of growing up is learning to open your heart to love. And part of loving is welcoming the pain, and accepting the things that are beyond our control. Sometimes, when we fall in love, we set aside their bad qualities because we love them. Sometimes it gets toxic and the hurt never stops yet we remain because again, we love them.

We just love the person so much that we want to make them better by changing them, or we change for them to adapt to their standards. But that shouldn’t be the way it is. If you want to change, do it for yourself and not for others, the same way change should transpire to them. It’s not your role to change who people are. More than that, you can’t make them right for you when they are obviously the wrong one.

I get that it’s not love if it doesn’t hurt, but if it puts you in agony more than it makes you feel safe and secured, then it’s not the love you deserve. Self-worth over feelings. At all times.

That’s why when you fall for the wrong person, don’t force them to be the right one. You’ll just end up draining yourself because you will be the only one left trying to keep the relationship together.

    4. As much as you will gain new friends, you will also lose some and that’s okay.

Every year I meet new people who, in the long run, become friends. That didn't change when I was 20. I established such awesome relationships with new friends and it felt so good—extending my circle a little bigger. But as much as I gained new companions, I also lost some. Some were because of big fights, others were just…well, we simply grew apart and realized we didn't need each other for our personal growths. At first I felt disappointed that it had to end that way. But then a vlogger said in one of her YouTube videos that “you don't grow up if you don't lose friends.” And I started to think that yes, she was right. In order for you to grow, you have to let go of what's keeping you from being a better version of yourself. If your relationship with anyone gets toxic, drop it. If it's not doing you any good anymore, calmly walk away. Part of growing up is letting go of what's hindering you from flourishing. Just be thankful for the ones who stayed and bid your silent farewell for the ones who left (or needed to leave).

    5. Start planning what’s next for you

You don’t need to figure everything out all at once. Life is still a blur at 20. But that shouldn’t stop you from envisioning what’s next for you. Commonly, at 20, people are already looking for a job, planning out their career path especially after graduation. I couldn’t say I wasn’t pressured looking at my friends being busy making resumes, travelling to different towns, being  wanted by two or more companies, and there I was… not knowing what to do with my life.

I don’t regret where I’m at in life right now. But if I could turn back time, I wish I’d have made concrete plans for my future self. 

    6. Try something new, even if you start out being bad at it.

I am always known for being a writer. If my name gets mentioned to people who barely know me, they usually say “you know, the journalist” or “the writer-slash-editor from Crusader”. A part of me is happy and proud that I have already established that image for myself. But somehow, I wanted to do new things. I wanted to branch out from writing because I felt like writing was the only craft I knew what to do; so I delved into photography. I always had a thing for good photos and also aspired to shoot such epic sceneries or emotions. I didn't have the equipment though, so I just borrowed from friends. I had a couple of photos published in the official page of the student pub, and also had several shoots with friends. But I knew I wasn't that good yet. I still had a hard time with the camera settings, my photos get blurred most of the times, and I still had a lot to learn. But the worst thing about exploring new things is being discouraged to excel at it. I have been told I am not considered as an artist, or that I should just stick to writing, or I should stop feeling like I'm an artist. Aside from the fact that my skills in photography aren't really that exceptional to be worthy of a handshake or an “artist” label, I gave up on photography because the people around me didn't believe in me the same way I put myself down for not being good enough.

And that was one of my regrets. I should have told myself that “hey, it's okay. You are still a beginner. Allow yourself to learn and improve.” I focused too much on my insecurities and other people's comments that I had to let the craft go. But now, I will pursue it once more.

You, wanting to learn more is okay. You, starting out as a loser is definitely normal. But you, surrendering because you feel like it's not for you just because you suck at it or people discourage you, is undeniably unacceptable. You do you. Soon you will be great at it and you will thank yourself for not giving up.

    7. 20 isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. Bask in the rain, overcome the storms.

The day I officially left the teenage life, I asked 20 to be better. 19 was rough for me, so I hoped 20 would be a lot easier, with a more stable emotional and mental state. Buuuutttt, I was wrong. It was actually pretty worse. Right now I’m just laughing at those struggles, but back in the day, I didn’t even know how to make it through the storm.

Needless to say, if 20 was a weather, she’d be a moody bitch, because it wasn’t consistently bad. There were also good days where I was thankful to just relax in the pouring rain or be happy because of the sunshine that reflects my soul. Actually, this doesn’t only apply when you’re 20. You can experience hardships and get through with it at any age. And that’s what makes surviving beautiful— you get to witness seasons and the weather change, and through it all you can finally say, “I made it past the gloomy days.”  

    8. Start being extra responsible.

I always wanted to work in Manila, but my parents do not quite agree with that plan. My mom would say things like, “Who would take care of you there?”, “Are you sure you’re responsible enough to live on your own?”. When I get sick or fail to do what she instructed me to do, she’d say, “See? You don’t even know how to take care of yourself.”, “You can’t be that irresponsible when you are in Manila.” So I thought about it for a long time. I know I am independent. But am I responsible?

I changed my goal from wanting to prove my mom that she was wrong, to proving myself that I can make things work on my own. Now I do things that adults do, like getting a TIN card, or spending for myself with no allowance from my parents. Maybe these are just little things, but they are stepping stones to being a responsible adult.

You have to think like you’re preparing yourself to live in Manila or any place far from home. Imagine how you can handle things without their financial support or physical guidance. Not only will you learn not to rely on them all the time, you’ll also grow and learn new things that can help you in the long run.

    9. Invest on things that you feel would help you be better.

Being 20 for me was full of negativity. A lot of things made me feel bad, and in result I got emotional and would often cry. But I learned that just like medicines, there are things in life that could relieve you from pain. All you have to do is invest on the ones that could make you be or feel better. In my case, I invested more on my spiritual growth. Some of you may not be (so) religious, but trust me when I say you have a God you can rely on. If you lift your inhibitions and worries to him, he will lighten your load.

Another thing worthy to invest on is self-care. I have been such a mess and would often cry in desperation because I didn't know how to get rid of the emotional pain I was feeling. But a good friend of mine, Winstar, made me a pinterest board full of tips on how to handle anxiety and execute self-care. It was great being reminded that I had to make myself better and I had to focus on my well-being, too.

    10. You are at your own pace

There are times when I can’t help but feel jealous over people who, at such a young age are already successful. While I’m just at home scribbling on my laptop, other people my age are already making a name for themselves. Some are already full-time employees, or opening their own businesses. Others are on their way to law school or med school.

On the contrary, I also have friends who are still starting out with their plans in life. Some friends would tell me, “You’re even lucky you’re done schooling. I’m not even graduating yet.” or “You’ve reached so much in life, while I haven’t even achieved anything yet.”

And it became clear to me: we’re the ones making competitions for ourselves with others. Perhaps the system and the society is pushing us to be this and that, to achieve this and bring honor to whom. But we’re only putting so much pressure on ourselves trying to race with the progress of others when in fact we have our own pace.

So what I have learned from all of this is: focus on your growth, your progress, your own fulfillment. Others may already be at their 4th lap while you’ve just started the engine. But so what? Others’ finish line is not your finish line.

You haven’t found the right career yet? You’re extended in college? Others are already getting married but you’re still single? That’s perfectly fine. Just continue the drive and soon you’ll get there.

[madmadamemimble]

I've finished watching Voltron: Legendary Defender and I just...I can't even find the words to articulate how infinitely, incredibly, horrifically disappointed I am.

Let me begin by stating that I had no preference on the matter of shipping, whatsoever. I did not watch this show for shipping or any kind of romance. It was a remake of a show I loved as a child and I came to adore the new interpretations of the characters. Space has always been a fascination of mine - particularly the idea of alien life and all the infinite possibilities of the universe.

Firstly, on the subject of Lotor. This is what I have the absolute biggest problem with. Lotor himself is a victim of abuse. His death was tragic and should never have occurred. It wasn't beneficial to the plot, it didn't make way for story or character development, it was just written in because the writers could and it would be 'ooo so shocking'. Some may argue it was to push Honerva to do the things she did in the finale. No. Honerva was already far enough gone to do the things she did. I'll defer you all to the moment that alternate Lotor denied her so she decided to end all existence.

The blazé manner in which Lotor's history of emotional and physical abuse is overlooked is... staggeringly harmful.

Voltron is a children's show. Having a victim of abuse as well as the abuse itself represented in its story and then simply killing the character off with no development, forgiveness, solution or acceptance sends a damaging message to abused children that they cannot be redeemed, saved or loved.

Do NOT tell me it's not that deep. Children are impressionable like you wouldn't believe. That shit sinks in and sticks to subconscious parts of the mind. They might not remember where the message came from, but it will stick nonetheless.

I'm not even going to get started with Honerva controlling the decaying corpse of her son. The writers can battle with shippers all they want - using the argument that their target audience is children as their main weapon against certain ships, but oh-ho it's cool for kids to see all that though, right?

Secondly, the show's way of showing forgiveness for the abusers. Honerva and Zarkon were manipulated by an evil force they couldn't control, I understand this. My issue is not with them being forgiven. It's with the fact that they were the abusers and got more development than the victims. They were given the opportunity to see the error of their ways and to take a higher route to redeem themselves. Something that was not afforded to their victim, Lotor. Oh, but hey he's in a better place now.

Once again, this sends a destructive message to children.

Thirdly, Lance's characterization took a 90° nose dive?? For romance???? Lance has grown so much since the beginning of the show and I loved him more and more for it each episode. He learned when to be serious while keeping his fun and outgoing personality intact, bonded with his rival and learned to listen more, basically became a respectable and playfully mature adult. THEN BOOM, now he's angsty, hardly ever smiles and stays serious all the time. Why? Because he has to be the love interest for Allura now and Allura has never shown interest in Lance before so we gotta dial down his personality. Oh and let's completely forget that he got into the Galaxy Garrison, a school which is apparently impossible to get into (as quoted by Pidge), and get rid of any and all career prospects he might have to make him a wistful farmer. Because, y'know, he's Hispanic, they work on fields and he lost his soulmate so he's suddenly content with the simple life now, nevermind his curious and adventurous spirit, that died with Allura.

Like COME ON. SERIOUSLY???? I can't with ya'll.

Oh and good job on waiting until the last possible second to scramble together some lgbt rep in there? It totally looked planned out and convincing, I must say. Many a tear shed.

I just...I have more to say, I'm just too irritated to type it out at the moment. I'll update soon.

[artificialqueens]

Searching, Waiting, Looking -Ch07- (Trixya) - Pichitinha

A/N: peoples i bring to you another chapter that has already been posted to AO3 but all i can say to that is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i hope you people enjoy that, pls share this if you do, and as always find me at @pichitinha

Summary: Of course Trixie will be the decorator to Shea’s wedding - with years of experience in her bag there’s no way she’ll leave her best friend hanging. Sure, she never intended for that to become practically a full-time job as the wedding planner alongside Sasha’s crazy best friend Katya, but hey, everything for your friends, right?

Chapter 7 - We all sin, but we ain’t devils

Trixie doesn’t talk to anyone within their group of friends for a week. She turns off all of her notifications and keeps her phone on ‘do not disturb’ and does all of her work from home.

Four days into her isolation week Willam calls her on her work phone and after Trixie ignores it she calls thirteen more consecutive times until Trixie just answers it in fear that her store might be on fire.

“What?” she answers aggressively and it stuns Willam into silence. “Willam, I don’t have all day.”

“Uh, are you okay? Shea came by the store today looking for you, said you haven’t been answering calls or texts.” She actually sounds worried and Trixie is somewhat moved by that.

“So you decided to call?” she mocks. She tries not to act like a bitch, Willam has virtually done nothing - other than convince Trixie she liked Katya which then led to the whole situation and, actually, Willam is partially to blame, yes.

“You answered, didn’t you?”

“And I’m about to hang up, so bye-”

“No, no, wait!” She sounds frantic which is unusual, so Trixie listens. “I’m worried now, apparently you’ve been ignoring everyone? What’s wrong?”

Trixie sighs and drops her head on her hands which rest on top of her little office desk. She doesn’t feel like talking with anyone right now, particularly Willam over her work phone.

“I’m fine, Willam. Just need some time to myself.”

“Shea is really worried.” Willam says it like she’s trying to guilt-trip Trixie but that won’t do anything now.

“Then tell her I’m fine.”

“Why can’t you tell her?”

“Because I’m taking some time to myself, are you not listening?” This is truly the last thing Trixie wants to deal with right now.

“She says Katya is worried, too.” Willam adds as a second try on the guilt thing. It works in getting Trixie to be more assertive, but not for the reasons, or in the way, she’s sure Willam expects.

“Then you tell Shea to tell Katya that I’m none of her fucking business.” Trixie is beyond caring about what people guess or gossip or figure out. She just wants to be alone. She just wants to not talk or worry or think about Katya.

If Katya didn’t care before then she shouldn’t care now.

“Oh,” Getting Willam to not know what to say is not an easy feat so it tells loads about how Trixie’s acting. “Uh… apparently she said there are wedding things to finish?”

“Well, let her know Katya is free from duty, I’ve got it from here.”

“Trixie-”

“No offense, Willam, but I’m done talking. I’m alive and fine and everyone can stop worrying. Shea’s wedding will happen as promised and I don’t need anymore help. Bye.” And with that she hangs up, blocks WIllam’s contact because she can’t turn off her work phone but refuses to deal with this again.

She knows she should be more mature about this, knows that she should probably talk to someone about it, anyone, should definitely talk to Shea regardless - her wedding is fast approaching and suddenly her planners aren’t speaking to each other or to her. And maybe she should also talk to Katya, except she tried it, that day, gave Katya the opportunity to explain what the fuckand she didn’t, she just brushed Trixie off as if she’d been a nameless conquest in a random bar, unimportant, not good enough for a fucking goodbye.

So she takes a time off, because she deserves it, because she opened her heart for the first in a long while and it lead exactly where she thought it would: heartbreak.

Still, Trixie refuses resolutely to cry about Katya. She hasn’t cried about a girl in a long time and she simply won’t let Katya of all people break that streak, someone she realized she had feelings for a mere hours before being rejected. And Trixie knows that if she tries to tell this to any friend she’ll cry, because she can feel the tears coming up in her throat whenever she thinks about it, but she won’t do it. She won’t.

Once it’s been exactly eight days in complete isolation after that night she goes to her store. She’s been working like crazy, finding things to do that shouldn’t even be her responsibility, just to keep herself busy, but all she could do from home is done and now she needs to be out and to visit some places in person and she really needs to go to her store because she can’t trust Willam to handle it for her, even if she’s currently working everyday out of pity or whatever for Trixie, she doesn’t know everything there is to know about the place and she can’t make business decisions.

Willam is there when she arrives and she smiles worriedly at Trixie as soon as she opens the door.

“Trixie!”

“Hi,” she replies humorlessly as she walks to the back.

“I’ve got a note for you?” Willam inquires rather than informs as she follows her and Trixie rolls her eyes.

“I’m not gonna bite you, Willam, I’m just in a bad mood.”

“For a week straight?” Her eyebrows are raised impossibly high and she’s grasping a piece of paper in her hand.

“Just give me the note, I have to leave in a few to go to the caterer.”

Willam opens her mouth like she had more to say, but she just closes it and nods as she hands her the paper and exits to the front again in hurried steps.

Trixie unfolds the little square and she immediately recognizes Katya’s handwriting on it.

I need to discuss a few things about the wedding, can you please call me?

She crumples the paper and tries to throw it in the trash - she misses spectacularly, has never had good aim, but ignores the paper on the floor to pick up her phone instead.

She searches for Katya’s number, types it into a new contact on her work phone, and deletes it from her personal one.

Trixie: Hi, it’s Trixie. This is my work phone. Don’t worry about the wedding, I’ve got it all covered.

It doesn’t take long for a reply to come.

Katya: trixie, hi. we said we’d do this together, i don’t think it’s fair to dump it on you

Trixie tries not to notice how she’s still using Trixie which she never did in texts. It doesn’t matter if she does, it shouldn’t matter, not now.

Katya: also are you okay? you’ve been on radio silence

Trixie laughs bitterly at the second message. Is she okay? What kind of bullshit?

Trixie: I would prefer to do it by myself anyway. Thanks.

She doesn’t answer her question, there’s no point to it. What would she say anyway? Everything is fine except for the fact that I’m pathetic and always fall for the wrong people, you included?

Katya. oh. ok. uhm… i have a few ideas i didn’t have time to share

Katya: and seriously how are you?

She really doesn’t have the energy for this.

Trixie: Share them with Shea, ask her to call my assistant if she likes it.

Katya starts typing several times before the actually sends something.

Katya: right. I also have a few questions about the decoration for the day? as the photographer and all

Trixie: I’ll send you the detailed decoration plan.

There are no new messages for a few minutes and Trixie thinks she’s given up but then she sends another one.

Katya: trixie, pls, can we just talk?

Funny. Now she wants to talk.

Trixie: We’ve cleared up everything about the wedding, I don’t know what more there could be for us to talk about.

Katya: can we please be adults about it? you’re blowing this out of proportion

Right. It’s Trixie’s fault, now. She can’t even find a proper answer for that.

Trixie: I’ll send you the plan via email. You can reply there if you have any questions.

Katya doesn’t reply anymore. Hopefully she’s taken the hint.

*

A couple of days later Shea knocks on her door with such force that Trixie truly believes it’ll break off the hinges if it keeps going, and by Shea’s stern voice as she says open this door right now, Trixie, I know you’re in there, it doesn’t look like she’ll stop any time soon.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming, stop assaulting my door, geez.” She opens it forcefully, refuses to be intimidated in her own home, but Shea looks like she means business, her face weirdly serious.

“I wouldn’t need to harrass you here if you answered your damn phone.”

She walks past her without being properly invited in - to be fair they are way past that - and she actually looks mad. She reaches the end of the couch and turns around, stares down at Trixie and she actually cowers a little under it.

“I’ve been busy,” she replies with a dismissive shrug, averts her gaze from Shea’s.

“Too busy to answer texts of are you alive from your best friends? For over a week? Kim called me thinking you had drowned yourself in your own bathtub or slipped in the kitchen and hit your head.”

Trixie crosses her arms then, would feel guiltier if it wasn’t for the ridiculousness of Kim’s concerns but still feels a little bit of guilt anyway and she refuses to be the one to blame for this. She’s allowed time out when she’s hurt, she’s allowed time to make sense of herself and the mess that her life is right now.

“I told Willam I was fine and asked her to pass the message.”

Shea doesn’t change her posture, maintains her ground and her height over Trixie. “Right, because hearing from Willam that she says she’s fine but she sure ain’t really reassured me.”

Trixie huffs with an eye roll. Damn Willam.

“I am fine.”

“Don’t play with me, I’ve known you for like seven years.”

They stay silent then, both standing up and staring at each other, daring. But Trixie is tired and Shea is one of the few people she feels safe to open up to, especially now after all of her discoveries about herself. Her shoulders sag.

Shea sighs and rolls her eyes affectionately. “Come here,” she offers opening her arms and Trixie marches into the hug.

She doesn’t cry but she holds on for dear life, feels her breathing getting heavier. It’s almost funny that unlike any of her expectations for the past couple of years she’s practically crying on Shea’s shoulders about someone else. She doesn’t let go until Shea is pulling away and dragging her to the couch.

“Wanna tell me?”

Trixie actually shakes her head. “Not really.”

Shea squints her eyes in warning, “Trixie.”

Trixie looks away at her tone of voice. Honestly at this point she wouldn’t mind talking about it, but she doesn’t know what to say, where to start. How does she explain the whole situation to Shea?

How does she explain how much Katya means after so little time, after knowingit for so little? How does she explain to Shea the importance of Katya without talking about her previous feelings? She can’t. And she doesn’t know if she wants to go there, not less than two months away from Shea’s wedding.

“Trixie,” Shea insists again, more concerned than anything else.

“I’m thinking about where to start, just give me a damn second.”

Shea does, then, doesn’t move an inch for as long as Trixie’s thinking which in her head feels like it’s a really long time. She knows Shea is growing more and more curious, probably concerned too, and she can’t really look at her as the words start happening.

“I like Katya,” she admits rather rapidly and quietly, like she’s embarrassed of saying that out loud.

Shea says nothing and when Trixie glances at her her eyebrows are raised as if she’s saying girl, please.

“I hope there’s more to it because that’s hardly news to anybody, Trixie.”

Trixie nods slightly, looks away again and bites very lightly into her bottom lip in a futile attempt to hide the nervous act from Shea. She tries not to be offended by her completely lack of shock, there are more important matters at hand.

“We… we slept together. We left after your bachelorette party and came back here.”

That jerks a real reaction out Shea, who moves in shock until she’s kneeling on the couch, eyes fixated on Trixie’s face which is still not facing her, but rather the turned off TV.

“You what?” Trixie’s not sure if it’s a shocked what or a question what but either way she says nothing. Shea keeps pushing. “Trixie, oh my god, that’s incredible. God she must have been so happy! And you too, oh my god, I can’t believe you finally opened up again! Was it amazing? It was, right, she does yoga?”

Trixie laughs through her nose, humorlessly, and from the corner of her eye she can see Shea’s figure diminishing. She’s definitely confused and Trixie doesn’t blame her - she is confused, too, still.

“It certainly was before she left and said it meant nothing.”

Shea retreats as if she’s punched. “Wait, what? She said what? Katya? OurKatya?”

Trixie shrugs. “Certainly not mine in any way.”

“That… that makes no sense.”

“Well, you tell her that, then, because it’s what happened. She made that clear and went as far as saying I was overreacting.” She stops to take a breath. “It looked like she wanted something but I clearly knew her less than I thought.”

“Trixie, I’ve known her almost as long as I’ve known Sasha, this is…”

“What happened. You probably don’t know her that well, either.”

“No, you don’t get it. Trixie, she won’t shut up about you since we introduced you guys.” Trixie snorts bitterly. “No, I’m serious. Remember when you guys went over Sasha to show us that other wedding? Katya had been there for like half an hour blabbering about you and asking if you were single and if you were for sure a lesbian and if we thought you would be interested and- She was invested.”

It’s lovely that Shea thinks that this is in any way helpful, that this is a good time to tell her that.

“Something clearly changed. And maybe I’m overreacting but I don’t care, I don’t want to talk to her again. She knew I’m not interested in one-night stands.”

Shea is quiet, considering. She seems truly lost and it only hurts Trixie further - she doesn’t need any reminders that things went wrong so fast.

“Tell me what happened.”

“We slept together and she bailed. Not sure what part you’re not grasping,” Trixie snaps.

“Trixie, come on. There has to be more to the story.”

“But there isn’t. That’s it. We’re in the club, I realize I like her, we come back here, we have a great time, I wake up and she’s gone. That’s the whole gist.”

“You realized you like her in the club?” Shea’s looking at her like she’s stupid - as if she needs that right now.

Trixie shifts a little on the couch, uncomfortable. That may not have been the best of scenarios but she knows what she feels. Not that it matters now, anyway.

“Yes, okay? Things were happening - actually, scratch that, things have been happening and I finally got a moment to myself to think and to feel, and I like her. I-I like her,” she admits it again, defeated, even though she’s said so already and by the way it went Shea had not been surprised at all.

“Are you sure?”

“What kind of question is that?” It’s like she’s under investigation here even though she’s the victim. “You said yourself everyone knows it already.”

“I know but I want to know, now, if you are certain of it. I just want to hear you say it.”

Trixie looks at Shea, meets her eyes to make her confession more meaningful and also so Shea will perhaps see how that’s doing the very opposite of helping her.

She falters for a second before she opens her mouth. She’s never thought she’d look into Shea’s eyes to admit she likes someone else. But she does. She hates that she does so right now, but she does.

“Yes. I am sure. Which is not ideal given the circumstances so I don’t know what you’re trying to get at.”

“I just want to see if this is how you feel sober.”

Trixie squints. It takes her a moment.

“Are you saying any of this is my fault for being drunk? What bullshit is this?”

Shea shakes her head. “That’s not what I’m saying at all, we went out to drink, we were all drunk, she was drunk. What I’m saying is that perhaps confessing to Katya that you like her while drunk might not have been the best move.”

Trixie is quiet for a second. “I didn’t exactly confess.”

“Trixie-”

“Listen, no offense but it’s none of your business how it all went down, all it matters is that I was  serious and certain, she knows that. You said yourself, she was drunk too, why is this on me?”

“It’s not on you, I’m just trying to understand. I know Katya, Trixie, I know that there is something here that I’m not seeing - that possibly you are not seeing.”

“How could there be anything between immediately going to sleep after fucking and waking up the next day? You think I sleepwalked and sleep-fucked things up?”

Shea considers. “Maybe. That’s what I’m trying to figure out-”

Trixie just gets up, exasperated. “You know what, this was a bad idea. I don’t know why you’re trying to blame me for Katya sleeping with me with no intentions of sticking around when she knows that’s not my thing and then fucking leaving without an explanation. You keep insisting you know Katya, well, fuck off, you’re supposed to know me better! And to fucking care about me, too!”

Trixie knows she’s unleashing anger at Shea that’s aimed at someone else, but she can’t help it, because she’s mad and sad and Shea is supposed to be her best friend, Shea is supposed to be a shoulder to cry on, not this. Her eyes are filled with tears already and she’s trying really hard not to let them fall.

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry,” Shea is by her side and she doesn’t even notice, only when she hugs her again and Trixie is too tired to fight it, so she hugs her back.

She cries, finally, even though she really doesn’t want to. She’s choking on these tears that she won’t let out and also on the confusion because, yes, Shea is right, that truly doesn’t sound like something Katya would do and she doesn’t get it.

They break apart when Trixie practically runs out of tears, she’s sure her eyes are red and puffy and she doesn’t care, she just wants to go back to being able to bottle her emotions up because this is simply too much. But now that she’s let herself feel again, apparently that’s how it’s gonna go, always feeling. She hates it.

“I didn’t know you liked her so much, I’m sorry.” Shea says as she tries to make Trixie sit down again, on the same part on the couch that she was before.

Trixie doesn’t even know how much she likes Katya - is liking someone even quantifiable? - what she does know is that this is new to her, it’s the first time it’s happened in ages, and it’s the first time she’s let herself actually feel things in a long time.

And this is where it takes her.

Trixie looks at Shea, her expression compassionate and worried, maybe a bit confused, and she gulps and takes a deep breath.

“This is the first time I’ve really liked someone since…” she doesn’t finish the sentence, regrets having started it. It seemed like a good idea but now that the words started leaving her mouth, she wants to take them back and lock them up again.

“Since what? Clara?”

Trixie only ever dated Clara because she was tired of being lonely, but by that point she’d already been more than aware of her feelings for Shea, she had already been in the bury this deep and never look at it again stage. Complete denial and willing it to cease.

She shakes her head, closes her eyes and covers them with her hands in an attempt to protect herself.

“I never felt anything like this for Clara.”

“What? Then who?”

She takes a deep breath, presses her eyes closed with more force and pushes her fingertips over her eyelids, making patterns that sting a little.

“You,” she whispers.

It’s quiet, then. So quiet that Trixie is convinced - or wants to convince herself - that Shea didn’t hear and it’ll be like she didn’t potentially ruin their friendship.

But then, she hears shuffling. She opens her eyes in desperation and stands up, Shea is probably leaving too because she’s an idiot and somehow is ruining everything. Her eyes take a while to adjust again to the light and to stop with the colored patterns it had been making and she stumbles a bit. Shea holds her pulse, still on the couch.

“Woah, calm down.”

“Sorry,” she sits down again, blinks a few more times before she can open her eyes completely. “I thought you were leaving.”

“I think we’re past that. But I am a bit stunned, you’ll have to give me a moment.”

“No, of course, I didn’t mean-” she stops talking, doesn’t know where she is going. Why did she say anything in the first place? “My feelings for you started a long time ago. But I knew it wasn’t gonna happen and it was just a silly crush and then you met Sasha and she’s great… I thought I had gotten over it, but these things linger, I guess, so I just pretended it never happened and I guess I got used to pretending.”

She’s oversharing, probably, Shea must be so uncomfortable hearing her best friend saying she used to like her so close to her wedding. But she’s can’t stop because this is relevant to her and her situation, having liked Shea makes all of her current feelings more intense and confusing and in a way important. Like it or not, liking Shea had been a part of her. She’s not even sure for how long that lasted, but it did have a say in a lot of her decisions over the years. Particularly one.

“That’s why I didn’t want to be the maid of honor.” She confesses, knows that Shea probably knows it now but would like to hear it anyway. “Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for you, I really am, I’ve been from the moment you told me, I just- I thought it’d be easier to not be a part of the ceremony? Does that make sense?”

“Yes, of course it does-”

“And,” Shea has more to say but Trixie’s not finished so she just rambles on.“ And that’s probably why it took me so long to realize I liked- liked Katya. Because I liked you and then I was very focused on not liking you or at least not thinking about it and somewhere along the way you became Katya and I missedit and it doesn’t matter anyway because she doesn’t care and I’m always falling for the wrong person, god-”

She lets her head fall to her hands again, sniffs twice trying not to cry.

Shea slides along the couch until she’s by her side, places her hands on her shoulders in a comforting manner.

“Trixie, just breathe, okay. Look at me.”

She tries taking deep breaths. It takes her a while, but she raises her head again and looks at Shea. There’s nothing but understanding in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she feels she has to say it, even if she never decided to like Shea in the first place - would rather she hadn’t at all.

Shea just shakes her head. “For what? I’m sorry I didn’t notice it.”

Trixie shakes her head. “It would only have made things worse.”

“Maybe. But I thought I knew you enough to not let something so big fall to the sides.”

Trixie shrugs. “Doesn’t matter.”

“And I’m sorry Katya did what she did.”

Trixie nods, her heart stings. “Yeah, me too.”

“Did you tell her?”

“What?”

“About me?”

“Oh. No.” She shakes her vehemently. “No way.”

“That’s good, you usually get really honest and personal when you drink.”

Trixie considers it because it’s true, she does, that’s why she always stops on her very well known limit. She shrugs sheepishly. “There wasn’t a lot of talking.”

Shea nods and wrinkles her nose, but then her expression quickly shits to something as close to uncertainty as it could get with Shea and her usual confidence levels. “I’m asking because- well, I’m not trying to make excuses for Katya, okay? But hear me out.”

Trixie just lets her shoulders drop. She doesn’t really want to hear it but might as well get it all out now. “Sure, go ahead.”

“Katya dated her college girlfriend for like five years. From what Sasha told me she went out of her way to make this over the top proposal that she actually hated because the girl loved this kind of thing. They got a venue, a band, dresses. They had everything.”

Trixie is not breathing in anticipation from what Shea is gonna say, from what she said already. This doesn’t match the Katya that doesn’t believe in forever. Or maybe it does -  things change, Katya had said.

“The girl left, like, three days before the ceremony. I don’t know the details but apparently she let Katya know with a note on the fridge or something. And I think she left for an old girlfriend, which - they dated for five years so that’s- you know.”

Trixie can barely blink. “I-”

“I’m not defending her or pretending I know what happened. But Katya’s been through some shit with relationships. And she definitely knew she liked you a lot sooner than you did, because she would talk about you all the time with Sasha and anyone willing to listen, really. So, I don’t know, if anything in what you said or did indicated that you weren’t truly invested or that you were hung-up on someone else - I guess I just see where she’s coming from, if that’s the case.”

Trixie feels sick all over again, thinks about Katya planning to marry someone and being practically left at the altar because three days is basically that. She thinks about how she said that she used to believe in forever but didn’t anymore, thinks about how she’d once said that work hadn’t always been her priority but it suddenly was.

Things change.

Her heart aches for Katya, she tries to imagine what she’d do in a situation like that and comes up empty. But her heart also aches for herself, still. She sympathizes with Katya but that’s not an excuse - being hurt is not a good reason to hurt someone else.

“Maybe you should talk to her?” Shea looks hopeful and Trixie is touched by her hope even if possibly unfounded.

“I tried talking to her after she left, she didn’t have anything to say. If I did anything she should have told me then.”

“She should,” Shea agrees with a nod of her head. “I’m not saying she’s right. But maybe she’s had time to think it over? Maybe she feels bad now.”

“She texted me about work a few days ago. She doesn’t.”

“Trixie,” Shea insists and Trixie looks at her. “Since when has being proud helped you in any way?”

It hasn’t. She’s too proud for her own good, it always gets in her way and she knows it.

“I shouldn’t have to be the one to reach out.”

“Didn’t you say she texted you?”

“She did but it’s different-”

“Okay, doesn’t matter. Just do it for you, Trixie. Whatever happens isn’t it best if you at least know what went down?”

Trixie hates when other people are right and she’s wrong.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

*

For the rest of the evening and pretty much all of the next day she tries not to think about Katya, but her mind can’t get over what she heard from Shea.

She obviously knows now why Katya not liking marriage or forever bothers her - not that she thinks about marrying Katya, but she can’t picture herself getting involved with someone that doesn’t have an interest at least in the general idea of building a life together. And, sure, that doesn’t matter now, but it makes sense of her feelings.

But now it also makes sense how Katya feels. She finds herself immersed in her mind from time to time during the day, building that scenery in her mind. She pictures herself dating, her whole life planned in front of her - happy - and then she comes home to find a note on the refrigerator telling her the wedding that was to happen in three days is cancelled and her partner is gone, off to build the life you both imagined with someone else.

A lump forms in her throat at the fake situation she sees herself in. She can’t really know what Katya must have felt, but she can sort of picture it and her heart aches.

She wants to be just as mad as she was before, but it’s hard. She still doesn’t know what happened for things to escalate so quickly or why Katya acted like she did out of the blue, why she would send texts like the ones she sent, but she can put herself in Katya’s shoes, even if from years ago, and imagine the kind of feelings and fears that still linger from that. She knows really well how past experiences can influence a person.

She hasn’t checked her work email since she’s sent Katya the decoration plans in fear that she would have replied, but now she hopes that here’s any kind of contact from her, so she checks it and just as expected there’s a new one from Katya. She hovers on the mousepad for a few seconds before clicking on it.

Trixie,

I have some questions regarding the flower colors on the entrance area, I was thinking about using that as an official place for guests to take pictures with their own phones. Can you comment on the attached graph?

Thank you,

Katya Zamolodchikova.

She reads it over and over, knows she brought it upon herself that Katya is all serious and business after the texts she had sent, but that was then and this is now. She doesn’t want to feel bad but she does.

Does Katya feel bad? Would she have apologized if Trixie had agreed to talk to her?

She’ll probably regrets this, but she picks up her phone and opens up the text chain she has with Katya, even if now it only displays her number as opposed to her name. The last text is still Katya’s after that night. She does her best not to read it again.

Trixie: hey

Trixie: i can’t open your attachment

It’s a lie, but she can’t find another reason to send her a text. She isn’t sure herself why she’s doing it, except she can’t stop thinking about Katya left at the altar in a beautiful wedding dress - even if that never happened.

Katya: hi

Katya: didn’t expect a text from you

Katya: let me check the file, i’ll send it again

Trixie bites her lower lip, trying to figure out how to keep this going, how to say what she wants to say when she doesn’t know what that is yet.

Trixie: sorry if i was rude the other day

She sends it before she can think it over. Part of her thinks she shouldn’t apologize for anything, she still doesn’t think she did anything wrong even if maybe she overreacted a little - she isn’t the first and won’t be the last adult to casually sleep with a friend. Even if that wasn’t the original goal.

Katya: it’s ok

Katya: i know why you did it

Katya: i’m sorry too

Katya: i hope you know i’m sorry

Katya: things aren’t b&w but either way i didn’t react properly

Katya: and this makes no sense to you but just know that i’m sorry

It makes more sense than Katya could know - Trixie knows more than Katya thinks she does. For some reason Trixie keeps trying to figure out Katya’s crying face, how she would look like once she got home and saw the note that she’d been abandoned after five years and days away from a wedding. She can’t picture it, can’t replace Katya’s usual smile with tears.

Trixie: do you wanna meet up tomorrow?

Trixie: to talk about the wedding?

Trixie: email will probably be more work than it’s worth it

She waits patiently for Katya’s reply, finds herself hopeful for the chance to see her. Maybe this is herself shooting herself in the foot, but Shea was right, Trixie owes to herself to talk about this, if Katya is willing.

Katya: i’d love that

Katya: maybe we can talk about more than just the wedding?

Katya: at that corner café?

Trixie knows the one, it’s the same one they went that first day when they shared their work experiences.

She doesn’t acknowledge the other question, just confirms quickly.

Trixie: see you there at 10

Katya: see ya

Guess Trixie will figure out what went down. Maybe they’ll manage to somehow fix their friendship, at least. Or maybe they’ll officially cut ties.

Trixie doesn’t know which option leaves her more helpless.