#I can’t be the only one who thinks this song and artist kinda sounds like chuuya

[orangjoe]

Reposting with some slightly better lineart (click for better quality)

+song that kinda inspired it

[ornii]

Folie à deux

The Madness of Two,

2020, The Grammys.

Your feet pattered the limousine floor as you checked your watch, a slight panic in your face. It was the Grammys this night and with your almost meteoric rise to stardom, this is the first time you’ve felt, Anxious about it. You take a deep breath and relax, slowly letting the world fade around you. It always seems so otherworldly.

It all began with posting a few SoundCloud songs, eventually one blew up and it seems your music name began to make the rounds. Taking that opportunity, you released an album under your name and it spread like Wildfire, big Celebes we’re posting snippets on social media and overnight, you somehow took over the world.

Media deals. Record Labels, Advertisers, all were hounding for you. The next big thing, and it seems it all lead to a climax and here you were. Pulling up to the Grammys, you took a few deep breaths and waited for the door to be opened for you, as your chauffeur did, cameras flashed, cheers and screams were all over the place. You put on a smile and head inside to the main foyer, you were greeted by the obvious managers of said Grammys and was Starstruck by those inside, Multi record winning Artists, people who are considered gods. You were standing with somehow. Your awe was cut off by a voice.

“Mr (L/N)?” They ask, you turn around to a woman with a mic, not a reporter but the woman managing the seating.

“I’m glad you made it safe, if it’s okay with you, you’ll be seated next to Ortega.” She said, you raised an eyebrow slightly.

“Brian Ortega? I didnt know he liked the Grammys.” You say and she chuckles.

“No no, Miss Ortega.” She said; which Just confused you even more, you shrugged.

“Uh, Sure.” You say, you began to mingle, trying to keep up appearances as some of the most influential artists Dawned your presence. Ranging from Movie directors like Spielberg, to Multi Grammy winners like Canadas own, Aubrey Graham, better known as Drake. Ten minutes to countdown you reach your seat and relax. Everyone begins to get ready, and your train of though was on what you would say if you would, could possibly win a Grammy.

“Hey.” A Voice draws your attention and you turn to face it, and your eyes laid upon someone that made the world grind to a halt, all you could see were those beautiful eyes, soft skin and a smile that could make the darkest moments in your life shine like a supernova. and it finally dawned on you, you’re Sitting next to, Jenna Ortega. You remember when Iron Man 3 was released in Theaters, and the Vice Presidents daughter that Tony had to save, that was her! And stuck in the middle! It took moments for you to realize the impact She actually had on you.

“O-oh! Hi!” You day, your voice cracking slightly as you try not to get lost in her eyes. She offers a slight handshake and you take it, not really able to speak.

“Jenna.” She says.

“Y-yeah I’ve seen a lot of your movies I—“ you begin, but stop trying not to sound like a fanboy in front of her. She genuinely smiles at her.

“Thanks. I don’t mean to pry but you are working on more music right? With that much talent you can’t stop right?” She says and you nod.

“Anything for you.” You thought, “Shit that’s creepy why did I say that?! JUST BE COOL.” You think and nod.

“Yeah, didnt think I’d get this far, nice to meet someone my age, makes me less anxious.

“I know, feels kind heavy, doesn’t it?” She says, “All these celebs, kinda feels weird being here.” She says awkwardly. And you build up the courage to utter one sentence.

“It should, you deserve to be here.” You say, it actually catches her off guard and she can only smile and say “Thanks.”, genuinely. You two hush as the ceremony begins. It was fairly uneventful, besides You and Tyler the Creator tweeting memes at each other, before the first set of awards were given, and one of the main four was presented. Best New Artist of the Year, it was heavily contested, Alaina Castillo, Summer Walker, Normani, Giveon. You definitely wanted Giveon, Heartbreak anniversary was your jam. As Keke Palmer took the stage she has the envelope and smiles.

“Good luck.” You hear Jenna say from the side and, that boosts your confidence to levels you couldn’t imagine.

“And the Grammy for Best New Artist goes to… Your Very own! (Y/n) (L/n)!” She says and the crowd explodes, the look of shock was on your face, you rose up being congratulated by many, Jenna claps for you as you approach the stage, still stunned. You take the Grammy with a look of sheer luck and disbelief, you stand there at the Mic and just stand there for a moment.

“Uh- Sorry i had no idea I was gonna be here.” You say and they laugh, you shrug it off.

“Well, I suppose I should say something.. first thing is, well it’s been a crazy year, I went from barley making college payments to buying my parents a new house, cars, anything they could ever want and, it’s all thanks to you all.” Your anxiety was soon filled with sadness and cheers began to bellow.

“You all don’t know how much this means to me, thank you. And, god bless you all.” You raise the Grammy to a rousing applause, you return back to your seat and wipe a few tears. But a tissue was handed to you, but none other than Jenna. You two share a smile and keep the Ceremony going, but I hope you didn’t expect just one.

“Song of The Year! Album of The Year! Record of the Year!” After the third one you hear the song play as you head up with the last one and you take it, and you turn to everyone awkwardly.

“Okay i didnt expect to be up here four times.” You say to more laughter, you try to keep it short and sweet. “Seriously this is becoming a bad trend, I’m just some kid from nowhere, and you all believed in me, and I’m so glad you put your trust in me, in us. My team, my family, my fans, these are all for you.” You hold up the fourth Grammy and as usual it was arousing applause.

Nearing the End of the celebration you walk out of the Grammys with Four, FOUR; in your first appearance there. Two under your arms and to in your hands. You attempt to show them all laughing. But before you can continue you turn around to Jeanna who’s taking pictures of her own and motion her over, to take pictures with you, she rolls her eyes sarcastically as the anxiety and fear washed away to golden confidence. You both pose for the pictures and they flash so desperate for a header and they got one.

“(Y/n) (L/n) and Jenna Ortega? What could this mean for the two blossoming stars?”

[solarwynd]

I don't know if you have heard of the popstar academy docuseries on netflix but it's about the group katseye and how they debuted and stuff but anyways. their main goal is for them to find a global group that will essentially carry the company from now on like they want this group to be their next BTS but mostly focusing for success in the US. theres this girl there that was a trainee and she was very talented and had star quality but they weren't as interested in her because they felt she was not "the cool rebellious girl" US fans will love and that got me to think about jungkook and jimin. the tattoos, piercings, muscles, the pr smoking incident, him drinking on lives deleting his instagram vs jimin who only does lives at the company, doesn't even like to talk about alcohol in fans vicinity, timid, tries to keep a clean image, the goody two shoes (said lovingly)

now it makes sense to me as to why they push jk so hard especially in the US. he is much more marketable and what supposedly US fans want in male pop artists. they know that the rugged bad boy sells and jimin isn't that

Yea I did. I’ve been in eyekon business for a day or two now lol. I even started watching the show but I haven’t made it past the first episode. I’m really just privy to the Manon drama, but I have seen screenshots of Bang and his foolishness.

“Cool & rebellious” are interesting buzzwords. Two that I can’t exactly say aren’t popular because it sounds like aespa and blackpink. And kpop stans do love that. But what’s really popular right now is the newjeans aesthetic. Which is exactly what Touch was in “sound” and also why I’m confused on what they’re going for in the group’s image. It sounds like they don’t even know. The only thing for certain is that they wanted a multi ethnic group. I listened to their EP and it doesn’t seem like they’re gonna have a set sound and I don’t think that’s an issue. Their music is nice, most of the songs give real summery coming of age vibes. (I liked tonight I might, im pretty and my way) kinda wish they would’ve stuck with that throughout the album cause debut and touch seem like the odd ones out.

Back to the actual topic, Yes I think that cool and rebellious image has more of an advantage for a male popstar for obvious reasons. Jimin not fitting Hybe’s image has been discussed as a possibility as to one of the reasons he’s not getting pushed before but to actually see they confirmed what their ideal is let’s me know how shallow their vision of a true artist is. You’d think they see the results, hype and intrigue Jimin pulls just being him and see that ideal doesn’t hold that much weight as a standard but w/e ig lmao. JK didn’t even fit that stereotypical “bad boy” mold up until recently imo.

Anyway the way HYBE seems so intent on finding the next BTS and strictly speaking in business terms, I really do wonder how much longer BTS themselves are in this for cause to me, it seems like there’s a clock running and Katseye does not seem like the long term solution to me. I know it wouldn’t be smart to wait until BTS calls it quits to then try to build a new group, but they give new jeans. I believe that they’ll find success somewhere down the line, especially if HYBE starts pushing them. But might fizzle out after some time. Touch seems to be gaining some traction and they are building a fanbase. But if they want BTS level fame, it’s gonna have to be a devout one that actually moves for them and not one built of male gg stans that use them for a twitter layout and move out once they get bored. Fandom>>>GP

[dirtybitfic]

RAVE

Chris sturniolo x fem reader

(Story line- you go to a rave and someone kissed you but something happens after the kiss and you bump into your celebrity crush Chris sturniolo as your spiraling.)

Contains- drugs, throwing up, flirting and kissing

Pink-you

Orange-Chris

Red-your best-friend

Purple-Nick

Blue-Matt

Green- the guy you end up kissing and anyone else at the rave who compliments you and shit.

You and your bestfriend had dreamed of going to a rave for years but you never managed to actually get tickets but this year you got lucky and got tickets for your dream rave .

ELECTRIC FOREST .

You had rented an air bnb kind of close to the festival cause camping did not sound appealing to either of you.

You had just gotten ready and decided that walking to the festival would be better than trying to get an Uber.

(Your outfit)

(Your bestfriends)

You both grab your phones and lock up before starting your 10 minute walk to the festival.

Oh my god I can’t believe we’re finally going to electric forest

Literally we’ve been dreaming of it for so long

Like the lights …the music …in the woods is gonna be beautiful

A spiritual experience for sure

We just gotta be careful you know some people slip shit into peoples drinks without them knowing

Yeah I know kinda scary but I’m only buying water with a cap no one is getting anything in there

Smart I honestly don’t even wanna drink I wanna fully be in the experience

Yeah same I wanna be fully in control of my body for this shit

God how much longer do we have until we reach the gates these shoes are kinda hurting

Uhhh only like 5 more minutes

Thank god

Yeah I didn’t really think about my shoe choice either

You finally reach the gates and show your wrist bands as they check the fanny pack your friend brought just so you could store your phones safely and then walked through the metal detectors. Once you were in you followed the path as the music got louder and the lights got brighter.

OH MY GOD

THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL

WERE HERE WERE ACTUALLY HERE

I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT

As you guys kept walking people were roaming around talking going to the bathroom area and grabbing drinks

hey you wanna grab waters then head up to the big stage

yeah sounds good to me

You both went to buy water then made your way to the stage .

Hey I love your outfits

Thank you so much you look amazing I love your outfit so much

Thank youuu

Of course have a good time

You too

As you both approached the stage the lights went crazy as

Was playing.

Oh my god this song is good

Right brings me back to like middle school dude

Real as fuck let’s get into the crowd deeper

You both held hands tightly as you weaved through groups of people dancing around having a good time

You wanna go up further or go like middle crowd

Let’s get up further closer to the large tree line

Okay

You both got to the area you wanted to be and just started dancing around having fun with each other to some more songs .

Was playing as you both held onto each other laughing and dancing all over each other

You guys look great like those outfits wow a deep voice says from behind

You both turn to look at who said it . THE HOTEST MAN YOUVE BOTH EVER SEEN In YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. He had tattoos all over his neck ,chest and arms . He was GORGEOUS.

Thank you so much ! I love your tattoos by the way

Oh shit thank you I did most of them myself my friend who’s here with me did a good amount of them too

Wow you guys are talented. Are you a tattoo artist

Yeah we own a shop in new York

That’s so cool

Yeah it’s pretty fun he says smiling at you

So where is this friend your here with

He was following me he’s gotta be close

As he says that another super hot guy comes behind him

Hey man sorry I got caught in a big group and lost you

Nah your good man

So who are these lovely lady’s

Oh I’m y/n you say

I’m bf/n

Nice too meet you guys I’m John . I hope blain wasn’t annoying you guys he says smirking over at his friend.

Oh no not all

Would you guys care if we hung with you guys

Not at all the more the merrier you say smiling at him

He comes closer to you as his friend goes over to your bestfriend.

Blain wraps his arms around your waist from behind causing you to smile .

Is this okay

Yeah of course I don’t mind at all

You look over at your best-friend who is talking to blains friend smiling having a good time.

Starts playing as you and blain sway to the music you rest your head back on his chest.

Your both a little sweaty from how hot the June air is but it’s nice .

This song is so pretty you say looking back over your shoulder and up at Blaine

Yeah it is . I like the way you described it

Yeah it’s like cool but it’s just feels pretty

I get what you mean he says smiling down at you making you smile then look back up at the stage and lights

These lights are so fucking cool he says in your ear

You shudder a little from his breathe fanning your neck and his deep voice echoing through your ear

I know right it’s one of my favorite parts of a festival especially the glitter lights you say

Starts playing as you both continue fluidly swaying to the music as you look up the sky as a nice breeze blows over you .

Blaine spins you around to look at him as he grabs your waist and pulls you closer.

He’s significantly taller even on the shoes your wearing causing you to have to look up at him.

He smiles down at you as he lowers his face slowly til his mouth is at your ear.

Is playing as you feel his breathe hit your ear causing you to shiver a bit.

You are one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen y/n

T-thank you Blaine you say getting week in the knees a bit from how close he is to you

He lifts his face a bit as he grabs his water taking a sip .

You look over at your friend to see her dancing with his friend watching the stage.

You look back at Blaine as he smiles at you and grabs your face bringing his closer.

His lips meet yours as you close your eyes and lean into the kiss immediately kissing back .

He slips his tongue in your mouth deepening the kiss . As your making out you swallow feeling something go down your throat but write it off as your mouth being dry .

He pulls away smiling down at you .

You smile at him as you spin back around too look back at the stage

Is playing as you bop your head to the beat.

Hey I’m gonna run to the bathroom

Okay sounds good

He walks over to his friend saying he’s going to the bathroom I’m guessing he had to go to so they both walk off .

Your best-friend comes back over to you smiling wide at you

I saw that kiss giiiirl they are so hot

I know right like damn also uh my mouth is dry and I need more water

Alright want me to come with

No no stay here have fun it shouldn’t take me too long I’ll just take my phone if I need you I’ll text you

Okay just be safe

I will love you be back in a sec

Love you too

You start walking through the crowd and back down the path through the trees to the drink areas

Playing as you make you walk.

Your head starts to feel fuzzy and your eyes have a hard time focusing causing you to stumble and fall into a hard object .

Whoever they are catches you

Wow you okay

I… um I don’t know you say trying to focus your eyes as you stand back up on wobbly legs

You definitely don’t look okay I mean that in the nicest way your eyes just look really weird

Y-yeah I can’t get them to focus I’m sorry for falling into you I don’t feel so normal right now

I’m sorry to ask but um did you take something

Hell no I would never ever take drugs

Your eyes finally start to focus but your limbs still feel heavy.

Did you by any chance kiss someone the guy asks causing you too look at his face causing your eyes to get wide

Did I just fall into . CHRIS STURNIOLO.you say in your head slightly still disoriented maybe you were seeing things.

I… um why would that matter

You say as you stare at him. Nope that’s definitely Chris sturniolo.

People will put pills on their tongue then kiss someone and let it go into their mouth . Pretty much drugging someone without them knowing

WHAT THE FUCK you accidentally yell In His face

S-sorry i didn’t mean to yell in your face

No your okay . But I’m guessing from that reaction you did kiss someone

Y-yeah I did but now that I think about it I felt something weird in my throat but I thought it was just my mouth being dry . Fuck how could I be so stupid

Hey hey your not stupid people are really sneaky about it it’s not your fault

It’s my fault that I’m such a whore for kissing a random guy without even thinking twice about it you say slapping your hand on your head disappointed by yourself

He grabs your hand taking it off your head

Well he was definitely hot wasn’t he he said laughing a little

Causing you to smile and laugh

Yeah sadly he was

I’m sorry he did that too you that’s really fucked up

Yeah I know how can people do that to someone else like drugs are dangerous I don’t even know what I am on right now

You say looking into his eyes . God is he beautiful through a screen but in person GOD DAMN .

Honestly it’s probably Molly or ecstasy that’s what most people bring to festivals

Fuck me dude this is bad you say starting to freak out . The last thing you expected is to be drugged your first night at the festival then stumble upon your fucking celebrity crush who has voiced he doesn’t like drugs causing you to be even more anxious knowing that this will be the way he remembers you . The drugged out girl who ran into him and waisted his night .

Where were you headed

Ummm … water I was going to get water

Okay come with me I’ll take you to get some water but uuuh… he stops talking

But what you say a bit confused

You wanna try and throw up before it fully gets in your system?

Actually that’s a good idea

Yeah okay I’ll hold your hair back but this way the trip might not come at all or at-least not as bad

Ugh Fuck okay I’m so sorry this is probably not how you wanted your night to go

No don’t apologize you definitely didn’t want your night to end up like this

No definitely not

You slowly bend over as he holds your hair back

You try pushing your fingers down your throat to make yourself throw up but it doesn’t work your fingers didn’t get deep enough .

Fuck it’s not working you say getting anxious you won’t be able to throw it up

Fuck okay try one more time for me

Mmm okay you breathe out

You try again but all it does is make your eyes water .

Fuck I can’t get deep enough . My gag reflex is barely there in the first place you say as you stand back up him still holding onto your hair

You look up at him as he looks down at you with a face you can’t read .

Okay what if I you know stick my fingers down your throat. I know that’s weird but my fingers are longer it might be the only way to get it out of your system

Oh Jesus are you sure that’s like really nasty

I’m sure I care more about you getting it out of your system then me having to stick my fingers in your mouth

Okay fine I’m sorry again this is so embarrassing

No it’s not trust me it could be way worse

Yeah your right

You bend back over as he brings his finger to you lips . You pause . Chris fucking sturniolo your celebrity crush is literally about to stick his fingers down your throat . How is this my life right now you thought .

Sweetheart you gotta open your mouth for this to work he chuckles slightly

Oh Fuck I’m sorry

You open your mouth as he slides his fingers down your throat hitting the back causing you to cough and gag on his fingers . He pulls them out as he hears you gag more .

Jesus how did you not throw up I was touching your uvula

Fuck idk maybe go deeper as deep as you can go

open back up he says causing you to laugh

Oh come on now is not the time to have a dirty mind

Sorry I’m sorry you say still laughing a bit . You look at him his face stern as his fingers move to your lips .

You look back at the ground as you open your mouth . He shoves his fingers deeper hitting the right spot as you throw up . He pulls his fingers out and that hand moves to your back rubbing softly as you get it out of your system.

That’s it’s let it out

You have tears running down your face as you gag and cough until your finally done and everything is definitely out of your system .

Your body and hands shaking a bit as you stand up and wipe your mouth .

I’m so sorry that was so disgusting

Again with the sorry . You don’t have to apologize to me about this really it’s okay

He moves his hand to your face as he rubs the tears away with his thumbs.

You smile slightly as the sweet gesture causing him to smile at you .

What he asks looking into your eyes

Nothing your just a really sweet person

Well thanks but let’s go get you that water and maybe something to eat since you just threw up everything you had all day .

yeah im really shake right now

I can see that he says laughing a little at you

hey don't laugh at me you say feeling still a bit embarrassed by the entire interaction you guys are having.

sorry sorry but come on you can hold onto my arm if you need to stay stable

you hold onto his arm as you both walk side by side slowly to the drink area.

so what's your name

y/n

nice to meet you y/n im chris

oh uhh yeah I know

oh ... you do

yeah ive watched your YouTube videos before you say awkwardly hoping that doesn't make him uncomfortable

he pauses walking

im sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable

no no it doesn't just uhh awkward I just stuck my fingers down a fans throat he adds an awkward chuckle after

I mean I wouldn't call myself a fan tbh just someone who stumbles upon your videos sometimes for a good laugh

I get what you mean by that to be honest

im glad you do I don't want you thinking im like a crazy mega fan

honestly I don't think a crazy fan would act so chill in this situation he says as he starts walking again pulling you along with him.

yeah true honestly they would probably stutter and cry

yeah probably

you both laugh as you finally reach the drink stand

here sit down ill grab the stuff alright

oh no I cant let you pay for my stuff

no seriously its no problem just sit down

alright

you sit down as he grabs some waters and food them comes back over to you sitting next to you at the table

here you go hopefully it will make you feel a little less sick

thank you Chris seriously

of course he says with a smile

im glad you were the person I bumped into

oh yeah and why is that

honestly no-one would have even tried to help me get it out of my system or even been nice enough to notice something was wrong

yeah I guess your right about that most people would have just kept walking

you both are sharing fries he had gotten as you just share glances here and there.

so are you here alone or with people

im here with my best friend

ahh I see why didn't she come to get water with you

I told her to stay back I thought I was fine just had a dry throat

rookie mistake huh

Maybe but I wouldn't have met you so maybe it wasn't so bad she didn't come with me

he just looked at you smiling rolling his eyes playfully

so who did you come with

nick and matt and a couple other people

oh fun honestly im a little shocked raves don't really seem like your type of crowd

I mean I guess not but a brand sent us all here for promotions of their clothes that we have to wear every night so you know we thought why not

damn that's so cool ive dreamed of coming to this rave for years

so this is your type of thing

yeah I love raves and concert their like my happy place

yeah I get that music is one of my favorite things

yeah I don't know how life would be if music didn't exist

life would suck everyday would be dull and boring

I always like to say that music brings color to the world . I don't know if that makes sense but ... you look over at him seeing he's already staring at you . his eyes are soft and the smile on his face makes your breathe catch . he's looking at you with such love it makes you nervous.

w-what did I sound dumb

no that was just ... such a beautiful way to put it. I like the way you think

oh thank you you say as your checks flush pink from his compliment

no problem

I should probably call my friend ive been gone for a while I don't want her to freak out

yeah that's probably a good idea

you call your bestfriend

Hey are you okay you've been gone for a while

yeah im okay but um are Blaine and his friend back with you

ummm yeah why

you know how we kissed earlier

girl yeah obviously he was practically eating your face

yeah well um... he had a pill in his mouth and when we kissed he put it in mine and drugged me

WHAT THE FUCK Y/N ARE YOU OKAY NEED ME TO COME FIND YOU

no no im safe actually um I ran into someone... he helped me get it out of my system and we grabbed water and food

mmm okay why did you sound so weird when you said someone

ill give you a hint okay ummmm cc

girl wtf is this Morris code how could I ever guess what ccmeans

oh my god okay guy who ive showed you before

OH CELEBRITY CRUSH

yeah bitch Jesus I feel like that was an easy guess

no it fucking wasn't

alright whatever anyways yeah that's where I am right now

so your telling me you are sitting ... with Chris sturiolo because you casually bumped into him as you slowly started tripping

yeah pretty much that's exactly what happened

you have insane luck I swear to god

I know right what are the odds

so how are you feeling as of right now

still weird my limbs are heavy my eyes keep loosing focus and my brain feels foggy

any other feelings im just trynna figure out what it could have been that he uh you know

I don't know like what do you mean

well Molly makes you insanely horny so is that a feeling your having at all

ummm I don't think so but who knows if however much made it into my system has hit yet

I feel like you'd feel that by now so we can count that out . what about like your vision you been seeing things like weird shapes and colors

nope

fuck then idk maybe it did all get out of your system fast enough

yeah maybe hopefully that's the case

yeah lets hope so ... so im guessing you puked it up

yeah his idea of course

hes smart

I know right I would be tripping balls right now if I didn't run into him so praise the lords for him

for real but omg you threw up in front of your celebrity crush

don't remind me like how embarrassing is that and that's not even the worst part dude

how could it get more embarrassing

oh idk maybe the fact that I couldn't do it myself sooo

nooo y/n tell your joking he did not

yep sure fucking did

wow just wow

yeah not so pleasant but um im gonna finish off this food hopefully ill stop shaking soon and then ill head back to you but maybe move away from Blaine and his friend I don't want so be around him at all after what he did

oh girl I already moved the second you said he drugged you im closer to the middle now by the vip area

okay ill try my best to find you ill see you in a bit

okay just please be safe and no more kissing strangers

trust me im not planning on it

alright love you just look for the big pink bubble looking thing and im right bye that

okay big pink bubble thing got it love you bye

you hang up and look back over at chris

all good with her

yep she moved spots so that will be super fun trying to find her

don't worry ill help you im actually in the vip pink bubble thing so I know exactly where that is

oh thank god

you wanna head back to the stage or are you still shaky

im still super shaky and feeling really hot actually

really it doesn't feel that hot its cooled down a bit from earlier

really

yeah it like 48 degrees right now

shit I feel like its 100 degrees

y/n look at me

what why

just look at me

you look over at him his eyes widen as he looks at you eyes

wh-what why are you looking at me like that

your pupils are blown

fuck we didn't get it out of my system fast enough

judging by your eyes and the fact you feel hot and shaky probably not

fuck me this is bad like really bad

lets get back to your friend before it really hits and shit hits the fan

okay good idea

you both get up and start your walk back to the stage and crowd

as your walking back you start to stumble as your vision blurs

shit y/n you good

mmm y-yeah just my vision is a little blurry right now

come here he says as he pulls you closer

fuck your skin feels really hot

yeah tell me about it

he spins you around to face him .

you look up at him as his eyes move around your face with a slightly worried expression.

he moves his hands to your waist holding you tightly as you slightly started to lean back on uneven legs

you look into his eyes. Then study his facial features and the feel of his hands on your waist as your mind goes back to his fingers shoved in your mouth.

A wave of butterflies goes through your stomach as waves of heat flood your lower half.

fuck . I think it was definitely Molly .You thought as you started to feel the effects

why are you looking at me like that

like what you slur out

like you wanna eat me alive

w-what I wasn't

yes you were

im sorry I didn't mean to I just ummm I think its kicking in

what are you feeling

trust me you don't want to know

yeah I do he says as he brings his face closer to yours.

your breathing gets heavier .

lets just say .. it was definitely molly

oh ... OH uhhh well then

like I said you didn't wanna know

well at least now we know what type of trip your having .What type of asshole gives a girl Molly at a rave

I don't know but we all know what Molly does to people maybe he was trying to get me hot and bothered but that's fucked up . why give a girl drugs for that

there's definitely easier ways to get that effect that drugging a girl

Yeah like his tattoos were working well enough he could have I don’t know said things in my ear waited until the festival ended tonight and asked me to come back to his place

That is true I just don’t get guys like him

Me neither

You think your good to keep walking

Yep let’s just take it nice and slow my vision is crazy right now especially with the lights

Yeah your pupils are dilated as fuck probably making your sight super sensitive

Yeah your probability right you move to his side as he keeps an arm around your shoulder now keeping you close just incase you stumble again

Your mind wanders back to him holding your hair with his fingers down your throat as he spoke sweetly to you to let it out. Even though the actions were to help you puke your guts up . They were so dirty when you forgot about that detail .

What you thinking about he asks looking down at you smiling

Oh ummm nothing

No that pretty little mind was wandering I could tell by the smirk on your face

I wasn’t thinking was just looking ahead at the lights you try to play it off hoping he’d drop it . The last thing you want is to have to explain to him that the Molly is making your mind wander to his fingers in your mouth making you horny as a mother fucker.

Your lying to me right now

What Chris no I’m not just drop it

I’ll drop it for now but we’ll circle back later

You sigh and roll your eyes at him and you finally reach the crowd as the music is loud as ever and the lights are going crazy.

Was playing causing you to smile and look up at Chris

What you smiling for

I love this song

Yeah it’s pretty good

So where is this pink bubble bitch

Woah why are you calling me a bitch

No not you I wasn’t calling you a bitch I’m sorry

Your fine I’m only joking but it’s this way he says pulling you to the left

You start walking with him your limbs finally starting to move normally even though they still feel fuzzy.

Hey you stopped shaking and your skin isn’t as hot

Yeah but uhh all the other effects are still very much here

Mmm should I let go is that making it worse

No no your good I just gotta keep my mind on other things

Alright then he chuckles

Sorry that probably sounded weird I promise I wasn’t saying your hand on my waist was making me uh you know just uh

Your fine but you know if it was I would not be offended he says smirking down at you

Oh shut up you say smiling and playfully showing him a bit

I’m kidding he says making you look at him with a “you sure about that” expression

Okay maybe I wasn’t kidding but what were you smirking about earlier

Nope not telling you it’s gonna make this weird

Now you have to tell me that made me even more curious

Chrisss come on it’s to weird for me to say

I promise I won’t judge just tell me and we can blame it on the drugs if it’s that bad

Fuck ok fine I was… thinking about you having your fingers down my throat . You quietly said the last part from how weird it felt saying it out loud

Sorry what I couldn’t here you

I was thinking about your fingers down my throat okay there I said it . You cringed after saying it .

You look up at him as he stopped walking

I made it weird didn’t I

No you didn’t actually hate to say it but it was kinda hot even though you know the reason I did it wasn’t hot

Oh … well glad I’m not the only one

Mmm yeah come on let’s keep walking

So where are you and your friend staying

We’re staying at a house about a 10 minute walk from the gates

Wait you guys walked here he asks kinda shocked

Yeah it would have been an hour if we tried to drive or even get an Uber

Yeah I guess one luxury of being here with a brand is early access and they provide cars to take us . But how are your feet not killing you in those boots

Oh trust me they are . But I’m thuggin it out . And the drugs are making my limbs so tingly I can’t really feel my feet hurting so there’s that

Well I guess that’s one good outcome

Yeah I guess. Where are you guys staying

Oh a bigger house about 15 minutes out the neighborhood is cool . It’s got a cool fountain in the middle

Wait … a blue fountain

y-yeah

I think we’re in the same neighborhood then

What are the odds

Right crazy huh . Maybe this was fate you say laughing obviously joking

I don’t know maybe your right he says seriously

You look up at him a little dumbfounded by the sincerity in his voice

He looks down at you smiling giving you a small wink causing you to smile

Your eyes look crazy right now

Yeah I feel like I’m seeing everything through bright lenses right now

What is your friend wearing we’re getting close to the bubble maybe I can spot her

A white top with a long ish white skirt and like cool Pearl looking things all over it and her waist

Okay hum.. wait right there is that her

You follow where is hand is pointing .

Yes yeah that’s her

You both walk up to her

Hey bitch you yell as your approach her

Oh my god y/n how are you doing … oh god your eyes

Yeah yeah I know

And you must be the guy who helped her out thank you for taking care of her that’s was very kind of you

You looked at him smiling as he spoke

It was my pleasure you know she isn’t so bad

Haha funny but really Chris thank you . You were more than kind

Of course he says looking down at you smiling

your brothers are probably wandering where you are I know you should probably get back to them

oh I mean I was thinking of actually having them come to us ... unless you want me to leave

no no I wouldnt mind at all if you stayed

good cause to be honest I didn't want to

you both smiled at each other for what felt like hours but was only a minute

let me call them real quick

he calls them and tells them a small part of the story and for them to come meet up with us.

after a couple minutes you hear a couple voices coming from behind you .

you turn to see matt and nick walking up to Chris beside you

Yo Chris

Chris turns around

hey guys sorry I was gone for so long

hey it was for a good reason so its okay

facts well this is y/n and her friend ybf/n he gestures to you both

they look at you smiling you give a small wave and a smile saying hi

wow your outfits are amazing

aww thank you you look great the distressed looks on you and matt your mesh shirt is so cool

thank you they both same at the same time making you laugh a bit

so how you feeling Chris told us a bit about what happened

I feel okay I mean my eye sight is crazy right now but other than that im feeling better than before

that's good im glad you ran into Chris instead of someone else

was that a compliment orrrr

im just saying that out of all the people she could have fallen upon in her situation im glad it was you because you know we don't do drugs or drink so you were fully in your right mind unlike most people here

that is true

yeah I get what your saying

so what even happened with the guy that did this to you

uh I don't know ... ybf/n what did happen with them

oh dumb and dummer are probably still standing where I left them thinking were coming back to hang with them

damn poor guys how embarrassing for them

they can stand there all night for all I care

trust me if catch even a glimpse of the guy ill get violent

oh yeah what are you gonna do beat up a super muscular 6'5 man it came out a bit more sassy then you meant it causing matt and nick to look at you in shock and Chris to glare down at you

I-im sorry that came out more rude then I meant it

no its okay but yeah I would at least try and beat his ass

I wouldn't let you risk ruining that pretty face over him he's not worth the effort you say smiling at him

he smiles at you .

pretty face huh?

okay Christopher shut up

you all laugh as you guys stand around listening to the music playing .

you watch the light beams move around with the different tempos and bass drops

you decide to lean your head on chris's shoulder not even thinking about it.

he looks down at you smiling admiring the way you feel leaning against him and how fascinated you look by the show going on in-front of you all

don't you worry child started playing as you started to feel rain droplets fall on your skin.

it was about 2 am and you had forgotten there was a chance of rain but it made the experience so much better

I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG

DUDE SAME

BRINGS ME BACK TO CHILDHOOD

ITS SUCH A GOOD SONG

everyone in the crowd is singing along it sounds so beautiful as the crowds voices blend together as the rain pours down.

the rain feels amazing

yeah ...oh god

he says looking at your face

w-what what's wrong you say scared something is wrong

no sorry just your mascara is running everywhere

oh fuck is it bad

kinda but here he says bringing his black shirt up to your face wiping at your face where the mascara had bled down

you hear an awww come from your left

you look over at nick who's smiling

sorry that was just cute i've never seen Chris act like this in-front of us

don't get used to it I wouldn't ruin my shirt for just anybody Chris says to nick . that brought a smile to your face . was he saying you were special. or Maybe you were just reading into it.

after about thirty minutes it was the end of the first night of the festival

god that was amazing I cant wait for tomorrow

I know right but we should start our walk back to the house

why don't we walk with you guys since were staying in the same neighborhood

yeah sure why not you say looking up at him smiling.

hey guys were gonna walk home since were all in the same neighborhood and Ubers are gonna take forever he says to his brothers

sounds good to me

how long is the walk

about like 10 minutes

oh that's not bad at all

yeah not too bad

you all start making your way through the wood path and out the gates starting your walk to the air bnb

after about two minutes your feet start to hurt really bad you really start to regret your shoes choices.

fuck dude my feet are on fire

those shoes are so cute but they don't look comfortable at all

yeah im fully regretting my choice of choosing them

Chris turns to you.

just hop on my back I got you

chris hahah no ill just take them off

and risk stepping on glass now way ...get on my back he says more in a demanding tone

chris no im too heavy ill just thug it out

he grabs you and throws you over his shoulder

too heavy my ass he says in a hushed sharp tone

everyone continues walking

chris come on put me down

nope

you smack his back repeatedly

calm down were almost to the neighborhood

ughhhh you groan out as you go limp knowing he's definitely not putting you down

you see matt take a video laughing

your arms just swinging is so funny oh my god

nick laughs as you flick them off jokingly

making them laugh harder

all the sudden chris sets you down as he sees your best friend start to walk up the drive way to malls house .

y'all go a head ill catch up.

mmmkayyy nick says as they start heading to their house.

so...

sooo...

would it be weird if I umm asked you to come back to ours for the night

i... ummm no not weird just uhhh

If you don't like me like that I get it he says a bit hurt but still smiling

no...no chris not that I was just gonna say I need to get these fucking shoes off and change

oh okay cool ill wait for you then

alright well come in for a bit it might take me a second

alright he says as he follows you up to the front door as you open it and let him in

make your self comfortable ill be as quick as I can

no no take your time no rush

he says taking a seat on the couch as you head up the stairs to your room.

you get your shoes off thank fucking god and then go and find some pajamas to throw on . The only thing is you only sleep in t shirts and underwear so you have no pants to wear.

welp...thats gonna be awkward you say as you head into the bathroom your best friend is in there taking off her makeup.

hey girl what's up

oh you know just getting ready ... to spend the night with chris

she turns jaw dropped at you

whattttt... he asked you to go back with him

yeeeep

damn girl... okayyy get it

like im excited but also... im gonna spend the fucking night with my celebrity crush what is this life dude

I don't know but I cant wait to hear about it tomorrow

she heads to bed since its around 3 am.

you finish taking off your makeup , change and do your skincare.

you go to your best friends room planning to ask her if she has shorts you can borrow for the night.

hey ybf/n

she's already knocked out .

fuck me is all you can think . you go to the drawers where she had unpacked her stuff and sorted through to see if she had any shorts and to your luck . she didn't.

fucking great you whisper to yourself as you go to your room grabbing some socks and slippers putting them on then grabbing your phone charger.

you slowly walk down the stairs trying to keep you shirt from riding up.

hey sorry it took me a while

no your good you ready

ummm yeah

he turns to look at you smiling as he looks you up and down .

you sure you didn't sound like you were

no yeah im ready I just um... I only sleep in a t-shirt and underwear so I have no pants to put on

no worries you can always borrow some sweats if you want

oh alright that sounds good

you say as you walk to the door opening it letting him out first then using your key to lock the front door.

you follow him as he walks further down the road.

hey you look really pretty without makeup on

you smile up at him.

t-thank you

of course he says as he throws his arm over your shoulder keeping you close to his side as you continue walking.

so you wanna watch a movie or something or are you really tired

we can definitely watch a movie I just cant promise ill stay awake the whole time

fair but sounds good to me

you reach a really pretty house and he walks up the drive way to the front door, he opens it and waves you to walk in and you do.

alright were gonna be on the third floor he says as he starts walking up the long spiral staircase .

you follow after him once you reach the third floor it opens up to a big room . it was definitely a renovated attic.

Chris walks over to the bed setting his phone down.

come sit down make your self comfortable i'm gonna run to the bathroom but here's my computer you can pull up Netflix, Hulu or prime video and pick anything. ill be back in a second

okay sounds good you say as you sit down and and type in prime video and start looking through for a movie.

You decide to put on The Visit since it looked good and waited for chris to come back.

the door opens and you look up thinking it was chris but it was matt.

oh hey y/n chris told me to bring these to you he says handing you sweatpants.

oh thank you you say getting up and taking them then slipping them on

they are freshly clean so be happy about that

you laugh lightly at that .

so you guys uhh seem to be getting along really well

yeah I don't think i've ever gotten this close with someone in one night

he hasn't brought a girl home since like uhhh honestly I don't know if he ever has so you must be special

oh god don't feed my delusions matt he's just being nice

nice... no he definitely likes you

you blush at that and you smile at him .

well thank you matt

no problem . im going to bed but tell chris I said good night when he gets back in here

I will goodnight

see you in the morning he says before heading out the door and back down the stairs.

after about 5 more minutes chris comes back up shirtless and in sweatpants hanging dangerously low showing his black Calvins band

you cant help but stair he's so attractive . but god his broad shoulders and collar bones have you drooling . His v-line though god that makes you clench your thighs together as unholy thoughts run through your head.

you good he asks with a smirk letting out a small chuckle.

y-yeah sorry

no need to apologize sweetheart he says as he walks over to get into the bed next to you

he settles into a comfortable position as you sit awkwardly on the opposite side of the bed

he looks over at you smiling.

come here he says as he puts his arm out and pats his side encouraging you to cuddle into him

you smile as you scoot into him and he puts his arm around your chest rubbing your right arm softly.

so what movie did you decide on

the visit

alright what genera is it

horror

oh god okay he says making you laugh

you don't like scary movies do you

they are not my favorite but its okay . it cant be that scary right?

nahhhh we'll be fine you say as you click play

after about 30 minutes into the movie you cuddle into chris a little more since the movie was scarier than expected. He holds you close since he's also creeped the fuck out.

it gets to a scene that is super scary causing you to hide your face in his chest as he hides his face in your hair.

after that scene was done chris looked down at you.

hey uhhh this movie is really scary can we stop watching it

yeah agreed turn this shit off

he immediately exits out of the movie and closes his lap top.

he puts it on the floor as you slide down the pillow to get more comfortable.

what should we do now he says turning towards you

uhhhhh I don't know

alriiight ummmm you hungry at all ...thirsty anything

actually I am kinda thirsty yeah

time to raid the kitchen come on he says pulling you out of the bed.

you both make your way down to the kitchen as he turns on the lights blinding the both of you.

Jesus Christ its so bright

he flips the lights back off and turns his phone flashlight on instead .

okay whatchu want we got dr.pepper, water, sweet tea, Pepsi, cherry coke uhhh

ill take a dr.pepper

coming right up he says before grabbing one from the fridge and bringing it to you

thank you

he cracks open his Pepsi as he turns to you smiling .

of course

you smile back and he maintains eye contact as he takes a sip of his drink.

you take a sip of yours then break eye contact.

wanna head back up to the room

yeah sure

he takes your hand as you walk back up the stairs back into his room.

he closes the door and you go to set your drink down on the bedside table and crawl back onto the bed.

he sets his drink down and lays back down on the bed getting comfy under the covers.

god they need to add a fan in here it so hot

yeah it really is

do you mind if I take the sweats off

no not at all get comfortable

you slip the pants off and throw them on the floor .

you look over at him seeing him looking at you with a small smirk

why are you looking at me like that

like what

like your scheming I can see it in your eyes

no no I was just admiring you

oh really? you say in a teasing tone

yeah your just so beautiful inside and out

you blush bringing your hands to your face.

stooop

he brings his hands to yours pulling them off your face

I mean it you really are beautiful

thank you chris you say as he leans closer to you

your breathe catches and he leans into your ear .

his breathe fanning your neck making you shiver

I really wanna kiss you right now

I would be okay with that you say

he comes up from your ear and leans down kissing you .

it was a sweet but hungry kiss.

he moved his hands to your sides pulling you closer and pulling your leg over his side as he caress your thigh causing you to let out a soft moan into his mouth .

he smiles into the kiss then pulls away his face still close to yours

you tired

eh not really you say smiling

good cause im about to do so many things to you he says as he brings his mouth down to your neck .

PART 2 COMING SOON ....

💋

[randomvarious]

Next Evidence - “Dune” Stockholm Mix Sessions 2 by Jesper Dahlbäck Song released in 1999. Mix released in 2000. Deep House

It’s kinda strange how you can’t find a proper bio about this French deep house duo anywhere. You’d think that when an enormous major label like Capitol/EMI puts out someone’s album, it’d help to generate some kind of fanfare for the artist, but it doesn’t really appear to have done so in the case of Next Evidence; at least not to the point where some professional music writer publishes a few sentences online about what the duo does and where they’re from. All we really have to go on here is a poorly written, unverified thing from some last.fm user. Crazy.

But allow me to piece together a narrative here that differs slightly from that last.fm entry. Next Evidence was made up of Maxime Cohen and Michael Tordjman. In ‘97, while they were both in their mid-20s, the pair put out their debut record, and in '98, they started their own small record label, Basic Recordings, which ended up releasing material from a handful of house talents, including Julien Jabre and Dennis Ferrer.

The following year, with five releases solidly under their belt as a duo, Next Evidence put out an EP called Sands on the Paris-based Versatile Records. And it’s on that little EP that you’ll find a deep house banger of theirs called “Dune.”

Now, what appears to have sonically set Next Evidence apart from most of their fellow deep house peers is that they had a special affinity for African percussion. While most deep house makers were just using standard drum machines or software to construct their backbeats, these guys were on some different shit, making sure that just the basest parts of their own productions were unique enough to catch and then captivate one’s ear. And that approach, when it comes to just the music itself, will definitely give you a leg up on your competition, because at jump, when all you’ve really introduced is your drums, you’re already putting out something that doesn’t sound like most of what else is out there, and your tune’s barely even gotten started yet! And that’s not to say that others weren’t also using African percussion in their deep house at the time, but it definitely wasn’t nearly as commonplace as other methods of crafting a backbeat.

So, next, you add some space-dubby synth-work to the track, and then by making some slight alterations here and there, you can just coast on that combo for as long as you’d like and you’ll still have a mighty fine track, right? Well, yeah, you could do that, but Next Evidence had other ideas, because just as you really start to sink yourself into this groove for the long haul, they decide to unexpectedly seep in some fantastically sex-wet jazz sax, courtesy of some French dude named Denis Guivarc'h, who’d apparently been lending his talents to records for years before this one and still does to this day. He’s doesn’t appear to have ever released anything on his own, but you can hear his exploits on a sizeable chunk of releases that have been coming out since the early 90s.

And then after Guivarc'h finishes his part, a new top layer of percussion suddenly arrives, courtesy of a guy named Nicolas Krassilchik, who provides an awesome solo on timbales, further enhancing this experience even more. According to Discogs, this was only Krassilchik’s second-ever appearance on wax, but it sure as shit doesn’t sound like it, because his contribution here is simply electric. And Krassilchik is another guy who’s never released anything on his own either, although he was a member of a group called 26 Pinel, who ended up putting out a couple albums in the mid-2000s.

This fully-packed track is amazing. Like, I would’ve totally dug it if it was just only made up of those drums and synths; it was that good already. But then Cohen and Tordjman decide to bring in those back-to-back sax and timbales solos, and the song just ascends to another plane 😌. 

What a superb tune from this duo who you can barely find anything about online, even though they’ve had a major label album release!

[sxtvrns]

duo of dreams

🎶 now playing: ordinary – nct dojaejung

P: Hueningkai x Fem!Idol!Reader

S: You were seductive. He was an angel. Two polar opposite concepts come together in ways no one would expect.

C: fluff, comfort, inaccuracy, self indulgence, girlboss reader, downbad hyuka, brainrot, drabbling, kinda long, not proofread

N: i am a baby moa so pls do not slander me if i dont get a millisecond of a certain stage performance correct. this is purely for self indulgence because i am so severely in love with kai and everything that he does. idek where this story went but im hoping it makes sense cuz i was so upset with the ending i changed it multiple times and this is the one i liked the most. this man is so fine and im glad im not the only one that thinks so

view the full perfume collection.

please interact if you enjoy!

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2021

The minute you turned 19, you knew what you wanted. Even before you turned 19, you knew what you were, and you knew what you wanted to make out of it. You were hot. Fierce, confident, and eye catching. Everyone knew it, too. You turned heads every time you went to the headquarters, seeing people stare at you out of the corner of your eye.

Before you were of age, though, you never openly exposed yourself in such a way. It was all a tough girl kind of concept. You tended to stay on the neutral, dark, concepts rather than cuter ones. If you were given an idea, you found a way to design it and stick it to your niche. You always preferred to do what you liked rather than being forced into a box with little room to do anything your way; it demotivated you.

As a solo artist, you had lots of creative freedom, being able to write your own songs and even nitpick at how you wanted them to sound. Sometimes you would just need a kickstart or a hint from another fellow producer to get the ideas flowing, and boy, did your mind flow with ideas.

Sometimes you were labeled as ‘provocative’ or ‘controversial’. Some even said you were acting too mature for your age. But it never hurts to get a head start.

When you weren’t music making, you often dabbled in modeling with your partnered companies or for magazines, really, any source of promotion. You felt even more confident while doing so as well, which further boosted your productivity in the studio. It all came full circle.

You tried to do what you like while also balancing music, and you managed to make it work. People looked up to you. Newer groups admired you, your stage presence, how you gave 100% in every single performance that you did, how you wouldn’t settle for anything less than perfect, how much effort you put into practicing.

You idolized your own fair share of groups as well. BTS, Blackpink, Twice; any group debuting for longer than you have, you admired. When you saw Suga crack a smile at your MAMA performance, you nearly broke character on stage, but held it in by letting your heart race and stopping your face from faltering. When Dahyun talked about you during one of her lives, saying you were cool and how she longed for confidence like yours, you nearly fainted on the spot.

You were still a growing girl with people you looked up to, inspired by everything that they do and how you could apply aspects from their performances to yours. You were truly committed to your craft.

You were invited onto a talk show, along with another group, whose name was not revealed to you. Off camera, you heard the footsteps of multiple people passing by, yet you didn’t know who since it was supposedly a surprise for both you and the other idols.

You adjust your mic, the cameras rolling and the MC and group introducing themselves. Though their voices together are loud, you can’t make out what they are saying, only adding more to the suspense. You’re suddenly given the cue by a staff member, walking out and seeing five men sitting together in their chairs with surprised expressions.

You’re equally as surprised, knowing you’ve seen their faces at previous award shows. “Tomorrow by Together?” You point at them, all of them jumping and freaking out at the fact you knew who they were. “Y/N, meet TXT!” The MC says, letting you sit in your chair as the boys calm down.

“Have you two met formally before?”

“I think once backstage, we were on Inkigayo together.” You answer, the event fully coming back to their memories as you mentioned it. “Do you remember our names?” Taehyun asks innocently, watching as your eyes scan over each of their faces before answering. You point at each respective member as you say their names. “Soobin. Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, Hueningkai.” They all cheer and applaud as you dramatically bow towards them and the camera.

“Is there something in particular you like about each other’s music?” The MC asks.

“TXT has a certain flow in their music that manages to get stuck in my head; No Rules and Frost have been playing on loop for the past few days since those are my favourites. And the rhythm and the way each song plays a role within a story is something I really like.”

They all nod, the MC turning their head towards the boy group. “Hueningkai should answer for us.” Yeonjun ushers, patting the maknae on the back. “Yeah, he has your music on 24/7. Nonstop.” Beomgyu adds, only making Kai even more shy.

“Well, Y/N has a really significant, gritty style to her music and a satisfying edge that balances out throughout her songs, so each song is different in its own way. She really pays attention to the role of each instrument in the background and how well they balance together, and her ballads are really well put together because of this. Of course, all of her songs are good, but her ballads stick out even more to me. They’re usually the ones I listen to the most.”

“He’s good.” You say, all of them laughing. “Frost is actually Hueningkai’s song.” Soobin adds. “Really?” The maknae nods, all redfaced and flustered. “That’s why it’s so good then. You did the laugh at the beginning?” He nods again. “I picked it up from you, a little bit.”

“That’s amazing. I loved it, it gave the song the whole like, badass vibe.” You say, immediately covering your mouth. “I’m sorry, I don’t know if I can say that.” They all laugh it off, going back to the topic at hand.

As the interview progresses, you slowly find yourself getting more comfortable with the boys in front of you, laughing and joking around as the questions go on and on. They treat you like a close friend though you’ve only known each other for an hour, and your heart is filled with a familiar warmth as you even fall out of your chair from laughing so hard.

You compose yourself before the interview ends, and when the cameras cut, it goes silent, all of TXT staring at you, and you staring back. Hueningkai is the first to break, everyone else following right after.

━━━━━

the way he looks at her

hyuka had hearts in his eyes the whole time i swear

Y/N ONE CHANCE PLEASE

she is literally slaying so hard and all she’s doing is sitting in her chair

id freak out too if i was in the presence of y/n

IDK IF I WANNA BE TXT OR Y/N

hueningkai finally formally meeting his celeb crush guys the character development is real

━━━━━

You lurked a lot on social media, having your own personal accounts and such. This also meant you saw all those comments about the tension between you and Hueningkai specifically. They weren’t wrong about it; in fact, there was something there between you two that you couldn’t determine.

It was like a chain operated by a crank that wanted to pull you two closer together. You felt yourself drawn to him, and he felt drawn to you, yet you didn’t know why.

“Hueningkai has the biggest crush on you. He has some of your posters hung up in our room and always stays quiet if your performance is on. He never stays quiet for anything.” Taehyun said, which stuck with you the rest of the interview.

During the recording, you couldn’t help but feel your eyes drawn to him specifically, and how he’d already be staring at you when you looked at him. He could feel it too, the crank wanting to turn. You both were resisting against it, not letting the chain pull you two any closer.

He was cute, for sure. His innocence seemed to radiate off of him, and the way it contrasted with your maturity made you wonder why there was such a significant tension between you two.

So while you sat in HYBE’s cafe on the 19th floor, sipping on an iced chocolate while staring down at the streets below, you tried to take your mind off of him. But it was the most fun you’ve had with another group, and you wanted to relive the laughter in your head over and over again for as long as you could remember it, but Hueningkai was always the first person that came back to your mind when you tried to reminisce. As much as you liked it, it also felt like torture.

The doors of the elevator open with a ding, Hueningkai ordering a lime bachaas at the counter, noticing a familiar figure at one of the window seats. He gets his drink, taking a sip before guessing. “Y/N?” You turn around at the mention of your name, noticing Hueningkai who’s waving at you. You wave back, wondering what to do. It’d be awkward to leave it at this.

You nudge the chair out, letting him sit down next to you. “Are you busy?” You ask, knowing it’s late at night but not late enough until practices usually end. “Just finished. Had some dinner.” He’s usually rambling when he’s asked questions, but maybe today tired him out. You can’t blame him, you were equally as drained. “You watched our episode?”

He huffs with a laugh. “Yeah. I saw the comments too. We’re everywhere.”

“Hope you don’t mind. The internet is crazy.”

“I’m aware of that. I don’t mind at all. Do you?”

You shake your head. “I don’t really care.”

A comfortable silence lingers over the two of you. It isn’t awkward in any way, merely the sounds of the machines behind the counter serving as background noise. “You really picked it up from me?”

“Huh?”

“That laugh. In Frost.”

He awkwardly chuckles. “Ah, well, it’s a bit strange to say it out loud but, when I was recording that part, I tried to envision what it was like in your shoes. All… cool and villain like.”

“You think I’m a villain?”

“Wrong word… more like dominant. When we were sent the sample recording, I could immediately see you doing the song as your own, like I could hear you doing the intro itself. When I imagined your vibe, that’s how it came out. Is that weird?”

“No, I love it. I can understand why you think that way. You did a great job, by the way. Really sweet of you to think of me like that. Your performance for that song too, fuckin’ sexy.” You cover your mouth, looking around and seeing no one else around. “Can I swear?”

He nods with a small laugh. “Sexy?” He asks. “If I’m being honest, you looked really fucking hot up there. Just saying.” His face goes warm, partly at the fact you called their performance ‘sexy’, but mostly at the fact you called him hot right to his face with no shame at all. “Are you flirting with me?”

“Take it how you will, I’m just telling the truth.” Your eyes meet his for the first time during the whole conversation. You break first and finish off your drink, his gaze enough to intimidate yet fluster you at the same time. “I’m gonna go now. Hopefully I run into you again.” You get up, about to leave when you feel a hand tugging on your sleeve, stopping you.

“Um, do you want me to walk you back? We live in the same building and all, I just– it’s dark out.” He rambles, a smile creeping up on your lips. “So you’re cute and you’re a gentleman? I really found the one.” It doesn’t directly answer his question, but the compliment has his heart racing faster than before. “Sure. Let’s go.”

As you walk back to the dorms, you manage to make small talk with Kai, filling in the silent gaps when needed. “I do appreciate your attention to detail.”

“For what?”

“When you were talking about my music. I really like hearing other people’s interpretations on them and what sticks out and such. I’ll be sure to write more ballads for you.” You start off, joking around. “I think it’s a bit funny you view me as someone higher and you’re casually hanging out with them right now. The only difference is that I debuted after you did.”

“You flattered me too much already tonight, Y/N. One more thing and I might just faint from your words alone.”

“Pleased to know I make such an impact on you.”

“You’ve made quite an impact on me for a while now.”

Unlocking your door, you tell Kai to wait outside for a moment, handing him a folded slip of paper. “Thank you for the peace, Kai. Goodnight.” You go to shut the door, opening it slightly again. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” You add, Kai walking back to the elevator after you shut the door. He doesn’t unfold the slip until he reaches his own dorm, numbers written down.

It was your phone number, words written right below it.

I enjoyed talking to you tonight. Text me whenever, and hopefully we can talk like this again.

His mind goes back to your words from earlier. ‘Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.’

Was it because you called him hot and that he was more secluded on the way back? It was only because he didn’t know what to say after. What was he even supposed to say to that? Thank you? You too?

Before he went to bed, he added your number to his contacts, and hid the note in one of his drawers. He realized one thing, though.

You were definitely flirting with him.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The elevator door opens, Hueningkai alerted by the ding and turning around to see who it was. Your hood was on, yet he still recognized you, messing around and simply staring at you the whole time to see how long it would take for you to notice.

You see him out of the corner of your eye as you put your phone away, sheepishly waving at him as he proudly waves back, gesturing for you to sit with him.

“Do you wanna see something?” He asks, which grabs your attention. You nod, Hueningkai taking out his phone and opening his emails, tapping on something else. He fully reveals the screen to you, showing photos of him modelling for a campaign. He scrolls through them, and you simply sit there, admiring how he glows in every single one.

“God, you look so good in all of them.” You mutter, hearing him giggle as he shuts his phone off. “You’re the first person to see them.”

“Really?” He nods, running his hand through his hair. “I feel so special.” You smile, wondering how his silly demeanour could turn into that in front of a camera. “Do you want me to send them to you?”

“Can you really do that? It already feels a bit illegal just looking at them.”

“No one needs to know.”

You huff, accepting his offer. “If you’re encouraging it.” He turns on his phone again, sending the photos to you with a ding. “Have you been busy today?” He asks, putting his phone back in his pocket. “Writing. Dancing. I’m performing for KBS, so I’ve been rehearsing. Speaking of which, I just had an idea.” He leans in closer, intrigued.

“Could you… record a few lines for me? It’s for my festival performance; it isn’t a lot, I swear. Just some dialogue. Whenever you aren’t busy, of course.”

“I’m available tomorrow.”

“Great! Cool, I’ll text you more about it. You’re on the setlist too, right?”

“Yeah. Just our title track.”

“Looking forward to it already.”

“What song are you covering, anyways?”

“U-Go-Girl, then transitioning to my title.” His eyes widen, remembering the dialogue that would have to be voiced over by him. “Oh.” Thinking about it alone is almost embarrassing, but he takes pride in the fact that he’s the first person you thought of to record such… important lines. “If you don’t want to, I can find someone else–“

“No, no! I can do it, yeah, I can. I want to. Sounds fun.” He cuts you off, sounding almost too excited. “You know what you’re getting yourself into and not just doing it because I asked.”

“Really, I’d be honoured. Playing a part in your performance.”

“Good. I’d have a hard time finding someone else then, anyways. Wasn’t planning on asking anybody else.”

“So I was first pick?”

You pause, looking for an answer. “You’d add your own little Hueningkai flair to it. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but you’re gonna help me make it stand out from the rest. And that’s exactly what I want.” You always had a thing for being different. Different in a good and influential way, in a way where you wouldn’t be compared to others, rather others were compared to you.

You yawn, covering your mouth and letting your head hang to the side. “Today must’ve taken a toll on you, huh?” You feel his sleeve briefly brush against your hood. “Dance was… hard today. I couldn’t get the moves right even though it’s the easiest dance to ever exist, my brain was mush, I was failing to comprehend anything– I did great in everything else but the performing, stage presence part of it.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. We all have bad days, and it’s okay to feel horrible about it, but you learn to move on and improve. Trust me, I should know.” Kai advises reassuringly, his hand having a gentle grip on your shoulder. “Thanks, Kai. I just feel like a bit of a lazy ass not being able to do things at the pace I usually do.”

“You haven’t been overworking yourself, have you?”

“Not necessarily.”

“If you need to take a little break, take one. Better to be conscious to perform than not perform at all.” He jokes it off, even making you giggle a little as well. “I’ll take your advice to heart, Kai. Means a lot that you care.”

“You aren’t lazy, by the way. I’ve seen your performances and judging from how you exceed everyone’s expectations, you are far from that. You’re a hard worker, Y/N.”

“You really know how to flatter a woman, do you?” His face flushes on the spot, instantly a flustered mess. “Like you said, I’m just telling the truth.” He says, mostly spitting out words that he isn’t entirely sure of. “And you pay attention! My goodness, I’ll never find another guy like you. I’ll treasure you forever, Hueningkai.”

“Stop that…” He murmurs, still flustered and warm faced.

“Don’t be embarrassed! I mean it. I’ll never regret ever knowing you and being a friend of yours.” He only hides his face deeper into his hoodie, giggling as you take a sip of your drink. “Don’t fall in love yet, Huening, you should take me out on a date first.” You tease, finishing off your drink and tapping on his shoulder as you get up to leave “Don’t make false accusations, you’ll get in trouble for that.” He follows behind you, throwing away his own cup.

“I really did appreciate the advice, though. Maybe I was a bit too harsh on myself. I promise I’ll try to be more self aware.” You look up at him with a nod as the elevator doors close with a ding, and he nods back, giving you a thumbs up.

When you arrive at your dorm, you finally figure out a time. “Are you free at 3 tomorrow?” You ask. “For what?”

“For recording, duh. Was this not the first thing we talked about?”

“It was actually the second thing.”

“Okay, smartass, that was rhetorical.” You laugh it off, waiting for his confirmation. “Yeah, I am. I’ll take some time out of my practice for it.”

“I can do it sometime else if you’re busy, then–“

“Y/N, I’m practicing all week, it’s fine. You won’t get my recording in time if you were to do it when my schedule isn’t actually packed. I’ll let them know, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

“Fine, but if I get a complaint that pulling you out of practice was unprofessional I’m blaming you.”

He chuckles. “Fair enough.”

“See you tomorrow, then?” You peek your head out the door at him, tiredly staring at him. “See you. Get some rest, Y/N.”

“You too, Kai.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Hueningkai steps out of his practice, following the directions you gave him through text, seeing a few staff members outside the recording booth. They let him in, shutting the door and putting on the given headphones. “Hi Kai. You ready? Need water or anything?” You’re sitting in the producer’s booth at the computer with another staff member.

“I’m good.”

“I’ll play the sample recording for you. Unless you want to go straight into it?”

“Sample.”

Kai had a way of mimicry that you admired. It stayed true to the original, but his voice made it stand out the exactly how you wanted it to, that he got it only after the second recording. You play it back to him, this time layered on top of your main vocals, the part transitioning to your song being the most prominent section where his voice really stands out. “Do you wanna rerecord anything? Personally I think this is the take.”

“Then I’m good.”

You frown at the way he describes himself, even though he isn’t entirely wrong. “Alright, then that’s it. Thanks for coming in.”

“Should I see you later today?” He asks, the other staff member looking at you. “Yeah, sure. Just get back, I feel I’ve taken you for too long already.” Hueningkai begins to tear bits off the lyric sheet, the sound of it reverberating in the room you’re in. You simply watch as he rolls the bits into tiny crumpled balls, leaving them on the stand.

“At least clean up after yourself. You can walk a girl home but can’t pick up your own trash?” You joke, Kai’s ears going red as he takes the bits with him, muttering a goodbye before leaving the room. “You’re close with him?” The staff asks, finicking with the audio.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing. You two seemed to just click instantly. Do you wanna hear how it sounds now?”

As the sky darkens, you wait for a response from Hueningkai almost too eagerly, checking your phone every time it buzzed in your pocket, hoping it was him. You stopped by your rendezvous, just to take a seat and listen to the recording over and over again; it was that good that you wanted to put it on loop and just admire it as many times as you could.

“Boo!”

Hueningkai pounces on you, his hands grasping your shoulders to make you jump. “Kai– do not do that! If I had a drink in my hand right now, I would’ve thrown it at your face.”

“So mean!”

“Reflexes.”

He sits down next to you, leaning in to see what took up all your attention that you didn’t notice him lurking behind you. “Wanna listen? It’s the backup vocals for my performance.” You offer him an earbud as he accepts, playing up until the transition. “And that’s most of it. For now.”

“Feels a little bit wrong to get early access to this.”

“It was only part of it. And now you know how I felt when I saw those photos of you.”

“They’re up now, so nothing to worry about. I saw your messages but that was during water break, so I didn’t get to respond. Figured I’d find you here.”

“I felt like giving up and going back to the dorms. This was a last resort.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to even text you afterwards. Slipped my mind.”

“It’s fine. This is all I wanted to show you anyways.”

He pauses for a moment, staring at the ground trying to remember what it was about the KBS festival he was going to say. “Oh! Right, I just remembered I was gonna tell you something.”

“What is it?”

He leans in closer and whispers something.

“I’m dying my hair.”

“Really? What colour?”

“Brown. Then after the festival, black.”

“Are you getting a new concept?” He nods excitedly, his grin unable to be contained. “I will keep my mouth shut. But I’m excited to see what’s to come!”

“I think you’ll like it. We’ll be working on recordings after the festival.”

“Oh?” You were intrigued. “I’ll like it?”

“It seems like something you’d enjoy, at least. I’m hoping you will.”

“Now you have me wanting to know more. You know this is very unprofessional of you, speaking about your group’s plans with another colleague.” You poke fun at him, leaning in. “I’m speaking to you as a friend, not a business partner. And with how much unreleased information we’ve been sharing with each other, it’s safe to say that we are more than just business partners.”

“I feel like a schoolgirl sharing secrets with someone.” You giggle, Kai’s smile growing. “I heard somewhere they call you Hyuka, can I call you that?” Why did the name sound so perfect when it rolled off your tongue? He did his best to stop his face from heating up and replied. “Yeah. You can.”

“It’s cute. I like it.”

He doesn’t reply, avoiding eye contact with you and simply replying with a nod. “You really get flustered over the smallest things, don’t you? Nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Maybe it’s because I can’t believe the Y/N keeps flirting with me. Not very professional of you.”

“Oh, the irony! It’s corroding my heart…” You overdramatize, earning a snicker from the boy seated beside you. “If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop. I hope you know that wasn’t my intention.”

“I know. And it doesn’t. If anything, my heart beats so fast that I just can’t think of anything to say to you because I’m so focused on the fact my heart is racing in my ears.”

“So you like it?”

“I mean, who wouldn’t want to be called cute by the L/N Y/N? If anything, I’m lucky enough to be talking with you like this.”

“Now you’re the one flirting with me?” You laugh, checking your phone. “I have an interview tomorrow. I’m a bit nervous.”

“Why? You’re always great in interviews. You’re comedic, you’re stylish–“

“It’s one where the MC asks questions to get under your skin. Like a hot seat.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not… I’m not very open with my personal life. I don’t usually talk about it. He might go that far.”

“Can you not cancel?”

“Too late now. I was booked for it but didn’t care to ask what it was about since I was too busy with other things.” You feel his hand rub your shoulder reassuringly, giving you a look that said ‘it’s gonna be okay’. You sheepishly smile, his hand not leaving you for as long as you stay with him. “I just don’t want to get into controversy right before that big performance. It’s gonna ruin my confidence and my performance is gonna be shit and when I look back on it I’m gonna hate myself–“

“Y/N, you’re gonna be okay. Your fanbase would understand wholeheartedly if they are really fans of yours. They would defend you until the end of the line. Have you seen what they can do? It’s a bit terrifying.” He says, making you chuckle. “I get why you’re so nervous, but if the episode is that bad, they’d have a reason to not stream it.”

Hueningkai’s words stay with you the entire night leading up to the interview, where you’re seated in the chair and the cameras are rolling. The questions start off innocent at first, typical questions you’d get on any other interview.

“What is it like being a role model for newer idols?”

“What is your favourite performance outfit so far?”

“Is there a specific place you’d like to go to for a world tour or concert?”

Then it slowly started getting more… iffy.

“Do you have a ghost writer?”

“Did Bighit force you into the ‘sexy’ concept when you turned 19?”

“How many times have you cried over your duties as an idol?”

When it got into relationships with others, however, that’s where you drew the line.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend before?” The MC asks with a shameless smile on his face. “No.”

“Is there anyone you have your eyes on right now? A celebrity crush?”

Your face begins to burn red, your heart pounding so loud and fast you can hear it in your ears, and you’re struggling to spit out logical answers.

“Not in particular.”

“Sunghoon from Enhypen? You two are known to be close friends. Is he your type?”

“Please don’t bring my friends into this.”

“P1Harmony, what was his name… Jiung!“

“I don’t–“

“What about Hueningkai, the boy from TXT? Ever since that interview, people have been endorsing you two as a pair.”

“I don’t think you should be dictating someone to fulfill my relationship status. You have absolutely no power over me and my relationships with others, and God knows everything about me and my friends while you don’t, so keep your mouth shut.”

The whole room goes silent. You’re holding back tears and you want to swear at him so bad, but this seemed to be impactful enough already, so your eyes stare daggers into his soul, as if they pierced through his heart to make it stop beating. “Well, you certainly live up to your fiesty trait.” He laughs off, switching to the final cue card.

At the end, in your dressing room, you’re so overwhelmed with humiliation and embarrassment, the tears that couldn’t escape your eyes begin to flood again as you pull out your phone, the first person to come to mind being Hueningkai.

hyuka

are you there?

hiii!!!

how did it go?

horrible

it all went to shit

oh… are you okay?

can i see you later? same place?

sure, ill be there by 9

Your hood is on for the rest of the day, pace relentlessly fast as you walk into the headquarters. The face ID for the elevator can barely recognize you with how much you’re trying to hold back from crying, and you avoid any eye contact with the staff that join you in the small space. You finally look up when you reach the 19th floor, seeing Hueningkai turned around and looking at you, and you begin to break down then and there.

“Woah, Y/N…” He runs over, catching you before you can fall on your knees. “What happened? What did he ask?” You feel like shit knowing Kai is trying to help you, but you aren’t able to say anything because you’re so overwhelmed with tears and how embarrassing you look crying in front of him.

“Do you want to come to my place and we can talk about it? Or do you want to go to yours? The boys are just practicing vocals so it’ll be just us, no need to worry about someone overhearing.” He’s so extremely patient with you, making you cry even more. You point at him, meaning you want to go to his place, because it was the first thing that came to mind. “But what about you?”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m only worried about you.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

who does he think he is???

i cannot believe the staff did not notice how uncomfy y/n was even after she yelled at them

the fact he just laughed it off like what?

this was so incredibly disrespectful, i dont even know how this show is still up

who is allowing this to be aired theres clearly something wrong with this

he knew he crossed a line and did not care how stupid can you be

i knew there was something off about this

imagine being scolded by y/n id disappear off the face of the planet forever

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You sat quiet in your waiting room, scrolling through the posts on social media all written about you and that damn interview. You knew you were in the right, and you hoped everyone else knew that too. Luckily, they did. They didn’t bash you for anything, their dissatisfaction going towards the MC and the show.

You received endless support and praise for standing up for yourself and putting the host in his place, and you were so incredibly relieved for that. You watched the show broadcasting patiently on the TV in your room, TXT’s title track beginning to play. You were so fixated on it that you almost forgot you were going on next, the staff calling you backstage.

When their performance ends and they come offstage, you clap and cheer for all of them as they pass by, waving at Hueningkai enthusiastically when you see him. “Hyuka!” Even under the dim light, you see him with a tired smile as he runs over to you. “Wow…” He looks at you, eyes trailing over your outfit. “You look good.”

“I could say the same for you.” Maybe it was the lighting, or how nervous you were, but seeing your friend post-performance trying to catch his breath, sweat dripping down his face, his cheeky smile as his gaze with those tired eyes doesn’t waver from yours, you knew it was wrong to be thinking such things. But he looked hot. Really hot.

“I’ll see you in your room?” You ask, and he nods, head turning away first and eyes last. God, he had a gaze that could kill you.

The metronome begins playing in your earpiece once you’re on stage, and you let your confidence take control. Hyuka’s voice plays in your ear, and if you’re being honest, the one thing that usually runs through your mind is thinking about how cool you are to be on stage and performing for such a large audience. Did it make you seem like you were full of yourself? A little bit. Did you care? No.

When the song changes, so does the mood. The lights change colour and are different brightnesses, and so does your outfit. You discard your jacket and the skirt you’re wearing, adorning a matching pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt, and a fishnet longsleeve underneath. Your title track begins, and the crowd screams so loud you can hear them over your instrumental.

After the rush of adrenaline from being able to make the crowd scream louder than ever, you walk offstage, saying thank you to all the staff as you pass by. You make a quick pitstop to your room, grabbing a few things before trying to find TXT’s. The next performers pass by and give you cheer silently, and you can’t help but smile back despite your exhaustion. You knock on their door, a staff member opening it. “Hi Y/N. How come you aren’t in your room right now?”

“Is it okay if I come in?”

“Is that Y/N?” Someone asks.

“Y/N!?” Another voice asks, who you can recognize as Hueningkai. The staff member moves aside, and there’s Hyuka, standing behind him with that goofy smile on his face. He pulls you in for an unexpected, brief hug, looking at you all thrilled. “Your performance was amazing! You looked so good up there, and the transition and your execution–“ He’s so excited that he just jumps around with glee, and you manage to laugh at his enthusiasm.

You take a seat on the empty couch with a content sigh, Hyuka then sitting next to you. “I loved your performance too. The brown hair suits you.” The colour made him look younger as if he wasn’t already, innocence along with it. “I like it. I wish you’d keep it.”

“You should’ve seen my in my group’s Magic era.”

“Do you have photos? It’s been a while since I’ve last seen it.” He pulls out his phone, photos of him from that time showing up after mere seconds of him typing it in. “You looked so cute! And so much younger…”

“We were both 17 that time, so obviously. I saw your concept during this time too. You looked cute too.”

A part of you wants to believe that he means it. Another part of you is making you think that he’s just saying it to be nice since you do that to him all the time. “So you’re saying that I’m not cute now?” You ask rhetorically, letting him search for his answer. “I’m saying that you’ve always been cute. How’s that?”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” He’s looking at you so sternly that you want to believe him, and the fact he hasn’t broken out into laughter probably means that you should. “Soobin, Hueningkai is flirting with Y/N.” Beomgyu says, making you the first to break eye contact with him. “Don’t make her uncomfortable, Hueningkai.” His leader says, lounging in his chair.

“I think she likes it.”

“I do not.”

“Then why is your face so red? You don’t see me all flustered when you call me cute.”

“Actually, I do. We’re even.”

You both sit there in silence, Hueningkai scrolling on his phone mindlessly, lurking on his social media. He opens his camera to check and fix his hair, but notices you in frame, your eyes shut and head on his shoulder. You fell asleep on him.

He’s frozen in place, unsure what to do. He doesn’t move for as long as your rest on him, merely going back on his phone with a quiet chuckle. He snuck a few photos with you, and looking at them he realized that you were still as cute as he called you, even while you were asleep. When he looked up from his phone, he saw Yeonjun with his camera facing the two of you, fingers tapping on the screen.

“What are you doing?” Hyuka asks, Yeonjun immediately putting his phone away. “Nothing.” He lies, going back to using it as normal. You don’t stay asleep for long, being called back to your room by one of the other staff members. When you leave the room, Kai gets a text from Yeonjun, odd being that they were merely across the room from each other. He opens it to reveal a few images and even a video of the two of you together.

“Look at Hueningkai… Y/N is sleeping on his shoulder. Our maknae has really grown up and his crush is resting with him, they’re so cute. Saving this for when they date in the future.”

You nearly doze off in your own waiting room until your phone buzzes in your hand, a text from Hyuka appearing. It’s photos of the two of you, mostly of you sleeping on his shoulder while Hyuka is on his phone or taking selfies with you.

you looked so peaceful i felt bad when i had to wake you up

were you about to sleep in your room? im sorry if i woke you up again :(

ah its okay

who took the other photos?

yeonjun

were you just on your phone the entire time

i didn’t wanna wake you up!

can i come back

im not sure let me ask

👍

no u cant cuz the show is almost over

aw man

we’ll talk tomorrow! its my off day so we have all the time in the world

you’re over exaggerating a little bit

only a little bit

:P

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Y/NS PERFORMANCE MY LORD

SHE LITERALLY ATE THAT UP

she proved that flop of an mc wrong

is that hueningkai’s voice in the background??

GUYS AM I TRIPPING OR IS THAT HYUKA

hueningkai doing the dialogue for y/n’s cover is something i didnt know i needed

r they like best friends off screen because that’d literally be so cute like y/n asking hyuka to do the vocals for her

they sound so good together omg

collab when?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2022

You were close with Hueningkai. You talked a lot, you hung out a lot, you even did media promotions with him, and you had little inside jokes that no one seemed to get, which made them funnier.

You two also had a tendency to… flirt with each other.

You could never see if he was being serious or not, and he’d never tell you afterwards and just move on. You’d do the same, which was only fair, but you really wanted to know if he meant it. Sometimes you wished he did. Other times you didn’t care.

You did lives together, mostly consisting of gossip and eating snacks, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You even walked in on him once in the middle of one, and was unofficially invited as a guest.

You did promotional content with each other, and had a lot of pictures together in your camera roll. You almost lost important screenshots and info because of it. But every time you opened your gallery, you smiled, seeing pictures of him and the two of you messing around together reminding that there was more to life than just work.

It’s officially known by everyone, you and Hueningkai were best friends. Two peas in a pod, doing a lot of things together when you both were free. You were being shipped together, and while you were worried it made him uncomfortable, you also kind of liked it. Which begun the spiral of thoughts: did you have a crush on him?

You felt even more like a schoolgirl talking about it with your friends, except you were left alone with your own thoughts. You only flirted with each other about what, hundreds of times? He’d pat your back to calm you down, hold your hand if he noticed you shaking, run his fingers through your hair when you’d ramble, hug you when you need it, wipe off any crumbs that were left at the corner of your mouth…

He had comebacks that made your face go red, snarky replies and comments that made your heart race more than anything else, he looked hot when he was performing, like, really hot, he made sure you were the first person to see his unpublished modeling photos (all of them drove you crazy), he looked really pretty with contact lenses, he was the only person that could leave you stuttering and scrambling for words…

The list went on and on. And the more things you found out you liked about him, the more the answer became clear. You liked him. You liked your best friend.

Sure, he’s told you before that you were his celebrity crush, but that’s different. You liked him on a personal level, a level that could make or break your relationship with each other, and that was what scared you the most. You really liked him, to the point where if he rejected you, you’d go dark for a few days trying to recover.

You wanted to tell him so bad. Every time you tried, your heart would race uncontrollably and you couldn’t choke out a single word. It was almost embarrassing how flustered his simple actions made you, let alone on a livestream.

“I told my sisters about you.” He says, staring up at the clear, starlit sky. “Really?”

“My younger sister is a big fan of you, actually. She debuted this year. Older has plans to, and she says you’re really cool.”

“Tell them I say thank you. What group is your younger sister a part of?”

“Kep1er. Bahiyyih?”

“You did that Tiktok with her, I remember. You guys look scarily alike.”

“We really don’t.” You glare at him, straight faced. Hueningkai looks at you, face illuminated by the lights hidden underneath the plant fixtures. “You look pretty.” He thinks aloud, knowing you heard judging from the expression on your face.

You laugh. “I know.” You expect him to laugh the same, but his face doesn’t seem to change in any way. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“I always have been. You just never see it that way.”

“Oh.” You’re struck with a pang of guilt, cursing yourself internally. “You weren’t just being nice?”

“I meant every word I said. I hope you’re taking me seriously right now.”

It seems like I’m not, but I am. I really am.

“This is awfully bold of you, Hyuka.”

“I really like you, Y/N. How’s that for bold?”

He was being serious, unphased with genuine, meaningful eyes. “You always stayed by my side, even when I was feeling down. You remember the little things about me; my drink orders, the snacks I get, my habits, and merely being able to see you makes my day a whole lot better.”

You’re standing there, mouth slightly hanging, unable to say anything. The words are stuck in your throat, and you want to say something, but you feel like you’re gonna faint if you speak a single word.

“I… I can’t…” You’re too embarrassed to face him, knowing his eyes are on you. “I need to go…” You mutter, hand brushing over his for a second before leaving him unanswered on the silent, dimly lit rooftop.

You’re running down the stairs, mashing the buttons on the elevators, messily typing in your key code, falling to your knees once you step foot in your dorm. You’re coughing so much from your horribly paced breathing, and the pain adds to your tears, slowly trailing down your face.

Why were you crying? You didn’t deserve to cry. You were the one that hurt him, leaving him there because you were a coward. It hurt like hell. You barely managed to clean yourself up, falling asleep the second your head hits your pillow.

Practice the following day was straightforward, but you still felt empty. You would’ve gotten a text from Hyuka already, but the only messages there are the ones from yesterday. It hurts to see it so empty, and you want to talk to him, but what if he already hated you?

Entering the elevator, you run into Taehyun and his hooded mop of black hair. “Hi Y/N.” He greets. You tip your head to greet him, guilty for being able to talk to one of Hyuka’s friends and not him himself. “You should go talk to him. He skipped out on practice today.”

“Does he hate me?”

He scoffs. “Hueningkai could never hate you. You made his life 100 times better, according to him.” He pauses and sighs as the elevator nears the floor to the cafeteria. “Even for a few hours, he really didn’t seem like himself. If anything, he’s wondering if you hate him.”

As the door opens and Taehyun steps off, you get a text from Hueningkai.

im sorry.

forget i said anything.

“Shit.” You mutter, Taehyun eyeing you the entire time until the doors close. It’s one swift ride down to the bottom floor, and again, you run, but this time faster than you did the day before, spamming the buttons on the elevator and going to his floor. You stop in front of his door, knocking on it and ringing the doorbell. “Hueningkai? It’s me.” You say. No answer.

“Hyuka? Please, can we talk?” You plead, not hearing anything from the inside. You spam his messages instead, calling him 10 times before giving up. You then remembered accidentally peeking at him entering his dorm code, but you forced yourself to forget it for the sake of his privacy. Given he wasn’t answering, you forced yourself to remember.

He jokingly scolded you that day before shutting the door, but what did he type before that?

Your faded memory punches in the series of numbers you picked out, the door suddenly unlocking. You look around, seeing an empty hallway before shutting the door and locking it, taking your shoes off and running to his room. “Hyuka?” You call, hearing muffled sniffles from a distance. That had to be him.

You didn’t bother knocking. You opened to door, seeing Hueningkai’s face all messed with tears, puffy red eyes, and his arms clinging tightly to one of his stuffed animals. His eyes widened before he hid his face with a tissue. You walk over to him, helping him wipe his face with the tissues. You quickly get up and rush to his kitchen, refilling the glass of water on the floor beside his bed.

He’s calmed down by the time you get back, accepting the glass and drinking half of it. “How did you get in?” He asks, voice hoarse. “You typed in the code once and I accidentally saw. I took a shot in the dark.” You hold his face in your hands, warming them, wiping away a fallen tear with a stroke of your thumb. He clearly didn’t remember. “I’m sorry–“

“No, don’t be. I’m sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

You sigh, heart pounding in your ears. “I was a coward for running away. It was stupid.” He chuckles. “I don’t even know why I’m crying, I just started thinking of you, and everything I’ve lost, and…” He cuts himself off, knowing he’d start crying again if he said anything else. “I’m right here. You haven’t lost anything.”

You move his hair out of his face, and all you can do is look at him. His post crying face, rosy and glistening, a content smile on his face. “I like you too, Hyuka. Your duality, your laugh, your carefulness, your personality…” You begin to look at the smaller details on his face. “Your eyes, your lashes, your jawline…”

“Your lips.”

The crank holding the two of you finally snaps, and you’re fully drawn to him.

You kiss him, and everything feels just right, sensing his surprise through the noise he made at the sudden action. It’s a first for both of you, so you could be as awkward as you needed to while learning how to kiss each other. But you were fast learners, and you got the hang of it quickly.

He pulls you closer by the waist, holding you close to him as you straddle his hips, kissing you fervently. So fervently that you swear you hear him moan in between a few kisses, and you try not to enjoy it as much as you do. Pulling away for a second to admire him, the way his chest heaves as he’s out of breath, his eyes doing the pleading for him.

You lean in closer. “Do you like being like this?” You ask, forehead against his, lips grazing over his own. “Mhm.” Your hand holds his face again, warm and tempting. “Is this what you’ve wanted?” He nods again. “For how long?”

“Too long.”

His lips are back on yours, dominant and hungry. He was the only one that could restrain you like this, and for once, you didn’t mind not being in control. His kisses move down to your neck, feeling him smirk after eliciting a groan from you.

“You can’t…” You start, feeling him stop and pull away. “People will see. We can’t risk it.”

Being in the industry meant that lying out of hickeys was nonexistent. Dating scandals would come abuzz and the only thing people would ask you for the next few weeks was who gave you that purple mark on your neck.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

The door suddenly opens, and you’re met with a shaken Beomgyu, eyes wide and jaw dropped. You immediately get off of Hueningkai, putting your hood back on and sitting on the side of the bed, gesturing zipped lips to the poor boy. “Soobin! They’re– they’re… Y/N’s here!” Beomgyu rephrases, a better choice of words than what you assumed he’d say.

“I’m sorry. That was a dick move of me.”

“It was. All I wanted was closure, and I got it, so it’s okay.”

His hand rests on top of yours. “Can I be your boyfriend, Y/N?” You blush, face hot as if you weren’t just making out with him a few minutes ago. “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that. But what about our label?”

“You’re closer with Bang than I am. Could you talk to him?” You nod, kissing him one last time before leaving, avoiding eye contact with Soobin and Beomgyu on the way out. You bump into Taehyun on the way to the door. He looks at you with a smile, following with an affirmative nod and letting you go.

Taehyun budges through the border of Soobin and Beomgyu at his own bedroom door, Yeonjun peeking over and seeing Hueningkai all red and smiley. “What happened?” The oldest asks, eyes still on the youngest.

“Y/N happened.” Soobin answers, Yeonjun’s gaze locked on the maknae. Maybe it was his older brother genes that he noticed something different than the Hueningkai he saw this morning, but judging from the fact you walked out with your hood on, Hyuka’s shirt being slightly crumpled, his blanket gathered at the footboard, some of his plushies fallen out of place, and slight tinges of pink on and surrounding his mouth, he deduced you two had a little bit of fun.

“Took him long enough.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2023

Your relationship was smooth sailing as it ever could be with your schedules. A member of your team had to arrange a meeting with Bang discussing the relationship between you and Hueningkai. Keeping it a secret would have been the better option, but knowing Hyuka, he’d still show you off to everyone even if being scolded to keep quiet about it for hours on end.

Bang said he ‘had a hunch’ from the first interview, not showing any objection, but naming the risks and controversies that would come with the publicity of your romance. You two were too lovestruck to care about public opinions, but you still were wary of your interactions with each other, Hueningkai especially, knowing that getting into a scandal only involving himself would bring the group down with him.

You two were content with the way things were, but Hyuka tended to have the mindset of, ‘if it happens, it happens’ despite being so cautious, and you’re sure the staff members at Music Bank saw the two of you being intimate in the halls because your boyfriend just had to kiss your forehead at that time, no sooner or later.

Rumors started to arise, given how close the two of you had become. You were always close, but this time you were much closer. There were a lot of behind the scenes cameras at music shows, sometimes catching the two of you in the background together. Once you were even caught with Hyuka taking a nap on your thighs, and that only further proved the existence of the two of you dating.

The one time you decide not to wear a mask and just your hat, paparazzi caught the two of you holding hands on the way back, those gossip articles really planting all previous evidence as if their life was on the line.

Both of you never confirmed anything to the public. You simply just moved on with your lives as if nothing ever happened. It was brought up in a few interviews, but you managed to avoid answering questions on terms of your relationship, using the excuse of privacy.

It was surprising to everyone when they saw a video uploaded on TXT’s channel titled something along the lines of: ‘Hueningkai’s first date’, you couldn’t remember it off the top of your head. But you did vividly remember officially stating that the two of you were going out, and have been going out for a while.

The feedback was, as far as you knew, positive. Being dubbed as ‘the duo we’ve been waiting for’ or ‘netizens’ favourite couple’, you mostly appreciated the fact that you didn’t receive any threats, and only a loss of some fans. Maybe people just couldn’t handle the fact that you two looked so damn good together.

“What are you watching?” Hueningkai asks from the kitchen, seeing you staring at your phone intensely. “Your interview. You’re throwing away your plushies? But I got you one.”

“I’m keeping yours, of course. I’m getting rid of my hoarding habits, so I don’t really want anymore as gifts. Yours will always have a special place in my heart, and I’m never gonna get rid of it.”

“Can I at least keep one?” He considers it for a moment, then nods. “Sure. Which?” You don’t even have to think about it. “Honey.”

“Really?”

“You let me hold him when you invited me here so I could cry and rant after that shitty interview. So that one will also have a special place in my heart. It was also the first one you offered to me. Maybe when I’m alone and I have it in my arms I’ll think of you.”

“You can have him, since he means that much to you.” The sink turns off, shaking the water off his hands and drying them, going to his room and retrieving his, well, now your stuffed animal. The moment you hold it, your thoughts are flooded with nothing but of Hueningkai, despite the fact he took a seat right next to you, placing an arm around your shoulders.

“Jesus, you look fuckin’ sexy in these photos.” You say, zooming in and saving them to your camera roll shamelessly. “Speak for yourself. Front cover on Vogue? You looked so beautiful in those photos. I’m so incredibly lucky.”

You put your phone down, turning to hear his answer. “How so?”

“That you’re my girlfriend. That I get to be your boyfriend. That I get to see your beautiful face every single day, and that I know little things about you that others don’t.”

You chuckle. “I want to kiss you so bad, but the others are gonna come back soon and God knows we won’t be able to stop.” His hand gracefully holds your jaw, his finger tracing along your jawline to let himself move his face closer to yours. He speaks in a whisper.

“Then don’t.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

if you’re really, really tired, i want to hug you and pat you to sleep. i just miss you, even right now. 🎧

[parsley-sage-rosemary-n-thyme]

April 3, 1968 • Bookends

On this special occasion, the birthday of this beauty of an album, I'm not only thinking about how great it is. I’m also thinking about my Grandma, and I’ll tell you why via an episode that has stayed with me all this time.

I came to know S&G via my Daddy's audiocassette of Central Park playing in my parents’ car. They knocked me head over feet immediately and I wanted to listen to everything they ever recorded - but we’re talking Italy around 1999/2000, before the internet really was a thing. You had to buy CDs or cassettes, and if you didn’t like ‘em, then what? Lots of money thrown away, so it was basically not gonna happen.

Luckily for me, my Uncle had all the studio albums on vinyl! So I often visited to religiously listen to them on repeat, a goofy 12 yo trying not to scratch them and stuff. I had no idea what the songs were about, I was just starting to learn English, but I was in awe. Those voices! Those sounds!

And the covers of the albums, how unusual they were to my eyes! Not in a bad way, mind you, but so different from what I was used to - I was familiar with Queen, with the Beatles, with lots of other international artists and their pictures, but S&G’s just had their own kind of flavor, if you know what I mean. There were two people and not a whole group, nor a single artist, for a start. They looked so young, so bonded… I didn’t know a thing, I had no idea who they were, but those album covers spoke to me. 

The music told me all I needed to know, really. I tried to follow the lyrics on the back of the albums that had them, but of course I barely understood them - too young to get the whole meaning, but I didn’t mind, because I got the vibes.

So anyway there I was, marveling at the beauty of the harmonies and music and curious about who created such a magic. My Granny walked in one day and something upon these lines happened:

"Who are they? What is it they're singing?" 

"I have no idea Granny - they're American though, from NYC!"

"Oh yeah? What are they like?”

I picked the albums and we started looking at Bookends because you know, it’s the one where you can see their faces better.

“Do you remember seeing them on TV some time, Granny?”

“Not at all.” She paused to listen, I guess Wednesday Morning was on and Go, Tell It on the Mountain was playing. “They sound meh. But they're very handsome."

"I think they sound great and look meh, Granny."

"Hm. Lemme hear something else.” I have no memory of what I chose, but whatever it was, it won her over. “Well, shame they sing in such a strange language, I can’t understand a word. But you're right, they do sound nice. And you'll appreciate the rest when you grow up.”

And I do believe quite a lot of my problems started that day, lol. Anyway, it’s some sweet memory I felt like sharing. Happy Bookends birthday, my fellow S&G lovers!

By the way, I later discovered my Granny knew both The Sound Of Silence and Mrs Robinson because they were both sang in Italian by Italian artists in the 60s. SOS was turned into a love song, Mrs Robinson kinda maintained a pale bit of the original meaning. Anyway, Granny didn’t care about the lyrics, she was hooked by the music. I particularly remember when she heard S&G’s Mrs Robinson: she looked at me with such happiness in her eyes and agreed that it sounded just great - though she was still annoyed at the language, “Why two handsome boys with such handsome voices must sing in such an unintelligible language!”

[zhngliz]

LMAOO when I was picking up my package today I didn’t know what the second package was but I was hope it was the album. When i was unboxing it while walking back to my dorm I saw it was the album. I was on the verge of tears I think this lady noticed maybe she was a teacher or just visiting. That woman was staring LMAOO She was probably like what made this girl on the verge of crying like this?? Is she good?? Little does she know it was because of an album!!

No but it’s kinda crazy the realization hit hard that I waited over 7+ years to own his op 1 & 2 and she is albums. ( I already have base and poet. I also want his Skelton flower book to.. but that’s for another day. ) that when it was right in front of me and in my hands it didn’t feel real.

so to celebrate getting his op 2. Album I shall list things that I loved album the album other than the actual music itself.

1. I love the fact that he based the songs off of stories from listeners of blue night ( his radio show )

2. I love the general aesthetic of the album. it’s very minimalist and clean vibes. It gives off a gloomy ocean vibe which I love. The CD has a picture of the ocean waves on it. I find the ocean very calming and this album is also calming so I feel like it compliments the album even more

3. I love that jonghyun likes adding CD only songs like fortune cookie and where you at. Nowadays buying CD’s is less common. People focus on streams. So having CD only songs is another way to compel fans to buy the CD and support the artist while at the same time it’s away for artist to give back to fans.

4. I love the way that album gives a detailed description of what genres are featured in the album. my version of the album is the Taiwan version. I bought it new as well — so the description was in Chineses rather than Korean. It was a bit hard to translate but what I got from it was that they mentioned the different genres in each given song and what the song was about.

5. I love the fact that music in the album was recorded featuring different instruments. He credited all the musicians who played in his songs throughout the album which was refreshing to see.

6. I love the fact that in the description they mentioned songs that jonghyun had produced for different artists. etc lee hi’s breath, lim Kim’s no more, IU’s gloomy clock and exo’s playboy.

7. I love how the songs are categorize by story . I don’t have the album in front of me but in the able it has a section in Korean saying “op2. Story 1..” and then it would listen the songs for that story. For example: story one was lonely and 1000. This was very creative, and I’ve never seen an artist do something like this before. It allows you to look at the album in a new light. Some songs I’d look at the lyrics separately now I can’t help but look at them a whole try to unpack the full story.

8. I love the photoshoot! I’m a huge fan of the beach. It’s always been a comfort place. Seeing so many beach pictures in the album was so soothing to my mind. this album photos show a sense of comfort as well as mix of struggle. Which is what life is.

9. I love the fact that the songs are so diverse in the album. we see different genres like R&B, jazz, pop etc. You can tell jonghyun put effort with each songs. Every sound was deliberate. For example in our season— the song takes place in winter where he sings about how winter is less cold because his lover is with him. We hear winter bell chimes through out the song setting the mood.

10. Lastly, although most songs on the album are inspired by blue night it is clear that he put aspects of himself in the songs which I love.

“A long time ago, when entering an elevator when I just got in the elevator and looked at my reflection somehow it felt unfamiliar. Back then I wrote this occurrence into a song” - jonghyun

His lyrics are always spine chilling Prehaps because of his relatable his lyrics are or just because of the way he beautiful words each lyrics. I’m just really greatful that I can say I own one of my favorite albums now. My jonghyun albums are one of my most prized possessions and I don’t think I could ever give it up. Jonghyun had helped me through a lot of dark times even now. I hope one day I’ll be able to have all of his albums including his book. As for right now, I’ll obsess over this op 2. Album.

[livvyofthelake]

now that we’ve been sitting on it for four months i need to rank the tortured poets department for real… it means nothing to rank an album two days after it comes out like that’s pointless fr let’s take this seriously

guilty as sin. this is an insane song. unfortunately i read a book the week this album came out and this song is permanently attached to that book in a small part but as we all know i did my absolute best to remain chill neutral and only weird about tsc at the time of this album drop so it all balanced out in the end and none of the songs are particularly associated with anything cringe. except two. but not this one i only brought up the book because it’s a little bit associated. you understand. the song is a slay of epic proportions on its own of course. i’ve mentally made this one about so many fictional guys it’s crazy… we have fun huh

my boy only breaks his favorite toys. this one was my instant favorite she’s not going anywhereeeee

but daddy i love him. some people don’t understand it but i do… i love her…

the alchemy. honestly? who are we to fight the alchemy…. literally!!!!

the albatross. sort of like who’s afraid of little old me if it was a song i liked more!

so high school. what more is there to say than truth dare spin bottles you know how to ball i know aristotle brand new full throttle touch me while your bros play grand theft auto it’s true swear scouts honor you knew what you wanted and boy you got her brand new full throttle you already know babe…

florida. cunty! florence + the machine!

the black dog. aforementioned two songs. well we knew this would be one. like we knew that the whole time. what could i possibly have done to save this one… genuinely what could i possibly have done. we saved the album in time i know but i mean. we all knew this track was a goner. nothing to be done. it’s a great song though like genuinely let’s be honest… one out of 31 is a great ratio. april 18th me was expecting a much worse percentage tbh

down bad. i just like it :)

who’s afraid of little old me. mildly over saturated. but kinda deserved the hype she slays

fresh out the slammer. one of aforementioned two songs that kinda got ruined. this song is about cbs drama fire country forever there’s nothing to be done. it’s not a huge loss this song is a little mid if i’m being honest. i think it’s too short i don’t fuck with it heavily

fortnight. my husband is cheating!! i wanna kill him!!!!

the prophecy. song that makes you cry…

the smallest man who ever lived. crazy ass bridge. rest of the song. well.

i can fix him (no really i can). i like that this song title is formatted like a fanfiction title that’s a lyric to a taylor swift song…

imgonnagetyouback. like. cute fun song sure yes. cannot get it out of my head that me personally if i had asked for writing credits from olivia rodrigo on a song that sounded nothing like my song, i personally would not have released this. me personally…

how did it end. crazy song that makes you go damn her life suckssss for real… yikes!

i can do it with a broken heart. not even a bad song it’s just the popular one with swifties and i hear it all the time without my consent.

the tortured poets department. can i be honest. sometimes taylor swift writes songs that would be awesome if not for one utterly batshit ridiculous lyric that embarrasses me so bad i can’t even fuck with the song. this has happened many times she’s an embarrassing celebrity to like everyone knows this. it’s not even the “you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate we declared charlie puth should be a bigger artist” that’s actually fine. it’s what comes directly after that. “i scratch your head you fall asleep like a tattooed golden retriever” taylor. 😐 i can’t. i can’t even talk about this actually. also i can’t stand the lucy dacus and jack antonoff name drop lyrics at all like taylor please stop embarrassing me….

i do not actively listen to any of the other ones anymore so i just didn’t include them because why would i rank songs i don’t even listen to let’s take this seriously… they’re fine. the only one i might describe as a song i actively dislike is chloe or sam or sophia or marcus. like i do not care for that one at all

[jujumin-translates]

Event | Sanrio characters x A3! | Chapter 2

Itaru: …

Itaru: …Fufu…

Yuki: The hell was that? It’s gross when you sit there just giggling to yourself.

Izumi: Looks like he’s having fun at least. Not the worst way to spend a day off.

Yuki: He’s just on the couch with his phone basically giggling and kicking his feet in the air.

Sakuya: Are you watching something?

Yuki: Nothing that’s worth your time.

Sakuya Itaru-san, what are you watching?

Itaru: Oh, this? It’s a video from the Hello Kitty Channel. Kitty and Mimi’s twin manzai acts are such classics…

Itaru: I’m gonna have this Gyodon Gyodon bit stuck in my head until the day I die. Gyodon, Rokeroppi, Gyodon… Fufu… (1)

Sakuya: Twin manzai?

Itaru: Here, look.

Sakuya: Ah, it’s Kitty-chan…!

Itaru: There’s Gudetama and Cogimyun and a bunch of others too… All the videos with the other Sanrio characters are insanely funny and addicting too.

Itaru: I’ve heard there’s a Puroland channel that shows the Sanrio characters looking all cute and squishy while doing 10-minute endurance exercises…

Itaru: One of my favorites is a video on Kitty’s channel where she does a song about fixing a popcorn machine.

Itaru: Half the time I’m supposed to be working, but I just can’t look away. It’s the ultimate antidepressant… Straight-up serotonin.

Izumi: You sure do watch a lot of videos, Itaru-san.

Yuki: You have that sort of time?

Itaru: Excuse you. This is a fundamental part of nerd religion.

Izumi: Ahaha…

Sakuya: Puroland…

Itaru: You’ve been thinking about it?

Sakuya: Umm… Yeah. I also heard some other stuff about it just the other day…

Yuki: Puroland, huh? It’s been ages since I last went.

Sakuya: You’ve been there, Yuki-kun?

Yuki: Well, yeah, a long time ago. I used to love all the My Melody stuff.

Itaru: Yeah, that checks out. You seem like you’d like My Melody.

Yuki: Since it’s been so long since I last went, I kinda wanna see what kind of shows they put on now.

Izumi: They have a couple of different theaters, right?

Yuki: Yeah. Like the one that’s like a forest with talking trees.

Sakuya: That sounds amazing…! I wonder what it’s like.

Izumi: (Sakuya-kun’s eyes are shining. He seems really interested in Puroland.)

Izumi: …Well then, why not try and go with everyone?

Sakuya: Eh!?

Izumi: There’s the shows, of course, but there’s also the costumes and makeup, lighting and sound effects…

Izumi: Plus it’s necessary to experience plays held at places that are different from regular theaters.

Itaru: That’s true, a theater is a theater.

Yuki: Stop lying, you know you just want to go there for fun.

Izumi: …But that’s the pretext we’re going to operate under when we talk to Sakyo-san!

Yuki: Sure, pretext, call it whatever you want.

Yuki: …Well, whatever, the Sanrio characters are still cute and all. Guess I’ll tag along.

Izumi: Thank you! Now that we’ve drafted Yuki-kun into the budget war against Sakyo-san, we’re sure to win.

Itaru: Wait, seriously? You wanna attempt running that boss?

Sakuya: It’d be really great to go… I’d love to be able to see the shows and meet Kitty-chan.

Itaru: …I’ll go get Senpai in on this.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Sakuya: Waah….! This is… Puroland…!

Kazunari: Setzer, Tenten, Aririn, Sumi! Take a pic with me!

Banri: Sure.

Tenma: What are you… Gh, whoa!?

Misumi: C’mon, Tenma, you gotta come with us~!

Homare: Such artistic and cute poses, now… Gorgonzola ♪

Guy: I have only heard stories of this place… Hmm, the entrance is quite nice.

Tasuku: It’s an indoor thing, huh? So the theater is in there then…?

Citron: You two have no evaporation!

Azuma: Fufu, you mean “imagination”?

Muku: They have a shop inside that has headbands that let you look like the characters! I wonder who I should get…

Masumi: I’m getting whatever one matches with Director…

Hisoka: …

Yuki: Strange to see you actually conscious for once.

Hisoka: I heard there’s a place with cinnamon marshmallows, I can’t do anything else until I try one…

Azami: Yeah. That checks knowing you.

Itaru: Everyone is so excited. Never thought I’d see the day this would actually happen…

Sakyo: Learning about this kind of entertainment is something that’s necessary for the future of the company.

Chikage: So that’s why you had us all come?

Sakyo: Obviously.

Taichi: Omi-kun, did you bring your camera?

Omi: Of course. I’ll do my best to get pictures of everyone.

Juza: I also brought a cheap camera with me.

Tsuzuru: I brought one too. Seems like it’d be fun to take all kinds of pictures.

Sakuya: …We’re really here.

Tsumugi: Fufu, I’m glad we are. You seemed really interested in Puroland, Sakuya-kun.

Tsumugi: Let’s have a lot of fun with everyone today.

Sakuya: …Yeah!

Izumi: (I hope today’s trip will turn out to be a good experience for everyone.)

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

• • •

T/N:

(1) I’m guessing that the “Gyodon” and “Rokeroppi” is referencing Hangyodon and Keroppi.

[zero-ek]

A couple of live concerts and some thoughts on them

Howdy!

So there’s been a whole bunch of concerts i wanted to watch very close to one another these past 4 months or so, and originally i was just gonna post my reports as they went. But, due to my computer breaking down after the first one, and also not to spam the feeds of the handful of people who for some reason follow this blog, i figured I’d just wait it out and make it a very big post instead.

I wrote each of these a couple days after they aired, so it’s been very interesting to re-read these and look back stuff i wrote myself that isn't college assignments lol. I mention this often but I’ve got a very poor memory, so i tend to feel disconnected from stuff i did in the past when i see it, like, i have to tell myself “this was me, i wrote/made this” because i don’t usually remember doing it myself.

I don’t know why i haven’t thought of it after all this time but re-reading through these inspired me to start keeping a diary, if i can’t keep my memories in my brain, then paper will do it for me!

Anyhow, that’s enough about me for the time being. This first half be about the Vsinger side of things, while part two will be the utaite concerts, i will number in order if you wanna follow this chronologically though. Starting with:

1. RIM – NEUROMANCE II

It’s Mechi time!

I’m sorry but i absolutely love how RIM’s nickname (d)evolved into just “Mechi”, it’s so silly sounding i love it.

I really don’t talk about this enough but RIM is my favourite Kamitsubaki artist, like, i don’t know how to explain it, but after i think 2 years of listening to her the “i-found-a-new-artist-i like” euphoria still hasn’t worn off. New Romancer is probably the closest thing to a perfect album that I’ve ever heard, none of the songs have gotten old to me even after so long.

That being said, i really haven’t been keeping up with what Kamitsubaki’s been doing ever since i think BudouKAF really, and by extension what RIM has been doing outside of her music releases. So although i was really excited for my first ever RIM solo live, I’m gonna be honest not knowing what the whole Sinka series was about did kinda threw me off a bit.

Also, something else that cut my hype short and that i will preemptively apologize for is that my computer decided it didn’t want to live anymore a couple days after the concert, so i had to make the draft of this post on my phone and by the time i got this thing back not only had most of my post-live excitement worn off already, but the whole situation made me very grumpy. So I’m really sorry if i don’t sound as excited as i should be but i guarantee you that i really did enjoy this live.

Anyways:

Fanfare!

I really didn’t expect it, since I’m much more a fan of her heavier, rock songs, but ever since this track came out on the Singularity Live album it’s been one of my most listened songs of hers for like the whole year. Something that i noticed a lot about New Romancer II is how blends Sasagawa Mao’s quintessential writing and melody phrases with the addictive pop beats, structures and overall structure of more modern J-Pop/Vocaloid music.

It’s like, New Romancer is the album you rock out to, and New Romancer II the album you’ll catch yourself humming to without realizing.

Also also, Cosmic Puppets! I’m so glad it still got one last stage appearance, it’s my favourite of RIM’s designs by far and i don’t think I’ll ever get over it. I’m sure the new one will grow on me but i don’t know, it just doesn’t scream RIM to me as much as this one does. (Future Zero here, the new one still hasn’t grown on me. Team Cosmic Puppets forever!)

Crybaby is my alarm clock, so i actually got a little jumpscared when it came up, lol, especially so early into the concert.

Also, massive appreciation for Kamitsubaki’s in-house engineer, i love how the live sound is so huge, but each instrument is so cleanly separated from each other. I can only imagine how much it shakes you in person, which is to say Neuromance III better be a venue concert PIEDPIPER do you hear me she deserves it!!!!

Now for my single grievance with this concert, is that the simplified-for-live arrangements do take away a bit from the songs a bit. Now don’t get me wrong, i completely get why they do it, this is a 2 hour concert, the musicians need to conserve as much energy as possible. But at the same time, Sasagawa Mao has one of the best senses for rhythm sections that I’ve ever heard, and it’s hard not to feel kinda sad when you don’t get to hear it.

That is to say i really missed that drum groove on the second verse of “The Moon does not...” and I’m a bit salty about it.

First, i gotta say my compliments to Kamitsubaki’s 3d environment team, i do try to keep up with concert live reports when they come out, so i was aware that they were doing some really impressive stuff, but it’s even more impressive to see it for myself.

Also, i feel like the tracking is much better too, her movements look so much more fluid and her face much more expressive compared to like the Singularity live. It does not enter my mind how the heck they’re rendering this live.

I love when they do these little intros for songs it always gives me goosebumps when you catch on the rhythm and key and realize “oh it’s this song” right before it hits.

Also i just complained about the whole live-ification thing but I’m already taking it back my jaw is on the floor at how much Pillow Talk and Neuromance sounded just like they where on the record, actually even better that i could pick each instrument apart. I’m sorry live band i should’ve never doubted you.

Honestly thought there wasn’t gonna be any MCs at all in this live lol girl breathe.

Also look it’s her original hairstyle!

Ok so this is the part where i gotta ask what the heck is going on, currently regretting not doing my homework on the Sinka series I’m so lost.

I love the idea of the discotheque, like just 10 minutes of her running around and vibing, honestly every concert should have something like that. Although i was kinda hoping I’d get to hear Mateki in full in this live but alas you can’t have everything in life.

It’s original outfit RIM!

Guiano!

I gotta be honest, they picked the songs from “Imagine” i listen to the least, but it still always tickles my brain when i hear their voices in unison. Guiano’s lower tones are so clear, it’s almost uncanny how well his voice blends with RIM’s. I would love to hear them together in more harmonically diverse contexts, i bet it’d sound insane.

One of the highlights of the live for me, Eloim was already one of my favourites from NRII, but i think it goes even harder with the live band, like it sounds so much more aggressive with the drum hits, the huge bass and the guitars, it actually got my heart jumping. I am soooooo thankful they put this one on Youtube.

Also also tell me i'm not the only one who thinks that the Counter Clockwise design looks very Gallifreyan.

It’s another Mechi!

Guiano’s “花鳥風月” (i don’t know how the Romaji for this one goes) is probably my favourite work of his ever, and it feels weirdly fulfilling to hear it with both RIM and RIME together, and with a full live band to boot, like, it feels like a natural conclusion to both of their versions of the song, i don’t know how to explain it well.

Also, i don’t know if this is the newer Voicepeak RIME, but i feel like she's tuned much better this time around compared to the Singularity Live.

The second highlight of the live for me, I’m not even sure why, but the visuals here were incredibly captivating, i adore how Kamitsubaki really uses their 3d environments to their fullest potential.

Also, again, how the heck are they rendering this live?

Now to probably the thing that stuck with me the most on this concert.... the talking bit!

So during her last MC she spoke about a lot of stuff from the past 2 years since the first Neuromance, she mainly focused on the topic of plurality, elaborating about people’s perception of her as a Vsinger and how that led her to encounter people very opinionated on it in either direction, and that eventually she came to accept that people are entitled to their own likes and dislikes, and free to be vocal about it, it’s simply a part of life and the human experience.

But something that she spoke that hit me the most was about how much the world had not only changed in these past couple of years since COVID, but it started to move a lot faster than you can sometimes keep up with, this is something that i do struggle with quite a bit. I mention this a lot but i don’t have a really good memory ever since i was like 17 or so, not that it’s deteriorating or anything (i don’t have any diagnoses, really) it’s just that i have a harder time recalling specific things than the average person does.

How this relates to what RIM talked about is that 2020 and early 2021 are particularly blank for me, like, they're particularly hard to recall. A lot of things that i know happened to me in that time period comes from me inferring that it must’ve happened sometime there from like dates and stuff instead of actually recalling how it played out, i imagine there wasn't a lot for me to absorb because of lockdown and being stuck in one place doing the same things over and over for a whole year. I try to be unbothered by it but it can be very hard to ignore the fact that a sizable chunk of my life is just missing.

It goes without saying but that really messes with how you situate yourself in the world, especially considering said world hasn’t been in its best shape since then. I manage, honestly pretty well all things considered, but it’s kinda what i imagine being held back a year in school feels like, not only you’re not up to date with what you should’ve, but you’re also struggling to catch up with your own life and just growing up in general, i know that it’s a common sentiment, especially for us zoomers, to still feel like a teenager while only your body matures, but i feel like for me it’s a little more literal than I’d like.

Speaking of this generation, i think that’s exactly why I’ve been thinking about it so much, RIM is i think only one or two years older than me, and... i don’t know, something about this girl i admire on the other side of the world, in a country totally culturally different than mine, standing in this million-dollar studio, looking directly at me and bringing up something that hits so close to home gave me a sort of weird reality check, like it’s a sign of some sort that i really ought to think about it more.

God dang it i can’t seem to escape the existential dread not even in Vsinger concerts, anyways, for the ending

She then proceeds to sing Eons Whispered after all that talk, i don’t even know what to say because i feel like my mind was somewhere else entirely during this last bit, and the heavenly visuals on this last part just added more to the emotional damage that this whole ending bit was for me

Honestly I’m actually kinda glad this was my first live RIM experience, i looked at the setlist for the first Neuromance after this and as much as i liked the album that came with it, i feel like i got a lot more out of this live than i would’ve from the first one, with having the back and forth between songs from both albums, which as i mentioned, are very sonically distinct.

Although i will say, as much as i love the Kamicity 3D visuals, RIM is definitely one of those singers whose energy gets wasted on virtual concerts. I see some people call her a “gyaru” and i tend to agree, her stage presence just demands a crowd to keep up with her. I know she’ll be at the Yoyogi wars (which i unfortunately won’t be able to watch) but i really feel like she could absolutely own a One Man live by herself. Here’s hoping that comes true sooner than later.

2. SorAZ – First Gravity

I’m really not sure how to start this...

I really feel like i need to preface this but AZKi is probably my single favourite person on this entire planet, like i sincerely and wholeheartedly love her to death, her songs and just her voice in general are irreplaceable to me and even just as a person overall i really look up to her. She hasn’t had a one-man live in i think three years, and it’s been even more time since she’s done one in an actual venue, with a real crowd to cheer her on, so i really need you to understand that i was counting the days until this concert ever since it was announced.

Unfortunately though, i just wasn’t in the headspace to enjoy this concert proper.

Everything for the past few weeks has been absolutely awful for me, my computer decided to break down and it needed a factory reset to get fixed, so i lost a lot of things that i couldn’t backup in time, then i got really sick for like a couple days to just sour my mood even more. But I’d actually gotten over that pretty quickly, i was feeling quite okay until i got served probably the single biggest punch in the gut in years that was Mel’s termination.

I made a post on my initial thoughts on it the day it happened, and i do know there’s been some developments since then, but overall my feelings haven’t changed all that much, that is to say, I’m still a huge mess. And as much as i adore AZKi i just haven’t been in the mood to look at Vstuff in general lately.

I had the ticket already though, so i thought maybe it’d help lift my spirits a lil bit.

(Oh yeah also I’m not sure why but the site says screenshots weren’t allowed, i know people were sharing them on Twitter anyways but i try to be a good girl around these parts. So I’ll use some assorted SorAZ pics instead)

I won’t go song for song, mainly because i feel very exhausted and i don’t feel like typing too much, but also, pretty much the entire setlist was from their new album, Futurity Step. I like that album, i saw someone say somewhere that they’re like “Hololive’s own ClariS” and a truer statement has never been said, it really feels just like a ClariS album. I grew up with ClariS, being a Madoka Child™, they were some of the first concerts i went out of my way to find and watch, i can’t really explain it in any way other than their songs take you into a world of fairy tales when you listen to them, it’s like a unique sort of bubbly, twinkly feeling, like I’m a Precure character or something, i don’t know if there’s a word for it. But the thing is, these aren’t usually the sort of songs that i prefer listening to when I’m feeling down, though, at least not as down as i am right now. I really did want to feel better and excited, but i physically couldn’t bring myself to.

Here’s some highlights i picked out after a couple rewatches.

I’d say Futari Destiny is my favourite song on the album, the melody lines feel the most satisfying to me, and i overall just love a song where the bass goes crazy. I could be just me but i feel like the live setting really helped pick their voices apart, plus, i feel like Sora’s voice sounds a lot sharper, and with a lot more lower harmonics when she sings live, plus the gap with AZKi’s lighter and breathier tones helped make their unison bits sound more interesting in texture.

Which by the way, is one of my few gripes with the album, a lot of their parts are mostly unison, and there isn’t a lot of more interesting vocal harmonies. Which is too bad because like listen to these girls, AZKi is the most beautiful soprano on the face of the Earth, and Sora has as super cool low but piercing quality to her voice, like, songwriters, this is peak harmony material just waiting to be explored! Capitalize on it!

Sora cringing at their scripted MC lines was a mood, also i gotta say you wouldn’t believe that she’s entering her 7th year doing this, she was like a kid introducing themselves at a talent show. It was kinda endearing.

I think what everyone was looking forward to the most was seeing them in their concert dresses together, they made the most out of it but it’s really a shame that the venue’s stage couldn’t do it justice, i feel like songs like "Kimi to Boku..." weren’t as hype as they could’ve been with visuals that could match them. I gotta say, the harmonies in "MAG-NET" were pretty good though, again, i feel like you can appreciate it much more with the less polished nature of live vocals and all.

Probably the biggest highlight for me was “Gamen no Naka...” on AZKi’s solo part, which is a song that really grew on me hard, one because the drums are really awesome (god bless our lord and saviour Wataru Sena), and two, because even though the lyrics are very simplistic and straightforward, i don’t think they’ve ever been truer to me before. I don’t feel like going into detail, but i don’t think there’s any other song in the world that could more accurately describe how I’m feeling right now, towards AZKi, of course, but mainly towards Mel.

I sincerely hope, from the bottom of my heart, that everything goes well for her.

I think i said this before but i think AZKi in her 4th design matches the Bright idol outfit the best out of everyone, but why is her angry face so weird lol.

Skipping to the end, this is probably what got me the most excited, AZKi’s has a one-man and album 3 in the works, which i have been hoping for literal years now, and now that the fanbase is bigger than ever before it does genuinely make me excited to see how far she can go. I know it’s probably daydreaming but i really think, with how much notoriety she’s gotten, that she could perform at like Tokyo Zepp or hell, even Toyosu Pit.

Although, being more realistic, i looked up the venue for Sora’s anni party they announced and it holds only like a couple hundred people, which is surprising, considering she’s, well, the Tokino Sora, but also, i was under the impression that having a label would allow her to go for something much bigger. It could be due to availability or even preference, maybe (i don’t really watch her so i don’t know), but as much as i want to dream big, I’ll try to keep my hopes in moderation for what AZKi has coming up.

All in all, i really wished i could’ve watched this in a better place mentally, like, even with the scuffs and the simple stage, i could tell that they poured all of their heart into their performances. I wholeheartedly wanted to be happier for AZKi, she really is at home on the stage, with an actual audience to interact with, it makes me feel terrible that i couldn’t cheer her on something that she’s probably been waiting so long to do, something that I’ve always wanted to see (minus the Hololive festivals, this is actually my first time seeing her live on a venue).

It’s probably just me drowning in melancholy at the moment, but right now all I’m really hoping for is that nothing goes wrong by the time her solo live comes up, for all i know she could get axed then and there and i don’t want to regret not cheering her own while i still had the chance.

5. Hololive 5th Fes – Capture the Moment

(No keyvis cause i reached the image limit...)

Man, in hindsight, it's pretty cringe, but i've been so negative for pretty much no reason for like the whole month leading up to this concert, yeah absolutely because of Mel, again.

I know that everything’s settled down already and to be fair i had mostly gotten over it myself. But like y’know, she was half the reason i was looking forward to watching this concert to begin with, so i feel that my grumpiness is valid, it’d be surprising if i didn’t get at least a little sulky over her not being there anymore.

I had tickets for the HoloHoney and Stage 3, since Mel is a massive Honeyworks fan, and AZKi was going to show up on both. But since I’ve gotten the HoloHoney ticket mainly for Mel, i decided to just skip it entirely, it just wasn’t worth it for me anymore.

Oh, yeah, I’ll mainly only talk about AZKi (and Suisei) here because they’re the ones i actively follow. I mean no disrespect to the other girls, i just don’t really follow Holo as a whole.

I genuinely cannot shake the impression that AZKi wears the Bright design the absolute best out of everyone I’ve seen, the design just fits her silhouette so perfectly, and the pink highlights match her inner coloured hair beautifully.

I still don’t like "ωNeko" all that much, but i can’t be upset that it’s as popular as it is.

Honorable mention to Mumei’s “Mumei”, i have heard the song before, since it went around quite a bit, and i really liked it, so it was very nice to hear it live.

Another honorable mention to Roboco’s cover of “Boku ga Shinou...”, she’s one of the couple members that i check in on from time to time, she has this unique raspy quality about her singing voice that really tugs at the heartstrings.

Ok, so uh, let’s talk about it, the moment.

(can i just say i'm very proud of this shot they look divine here)

Something that i haven’t seen a lot of people mention is that for quite a while the idea of AZKi and Suisei reuniting seemed like something very unlikely, like, it’s a big part of the reason why it was such of a big deal when AZKi showed up on Suisei’s 500k milestone live (i mean, i remember it, that's really something). By then, it had been a pretty long time since Suisei left INNK (looking it up, it was apparently almost a whole year later), which is pretty universally understood to have been a very rough time for her, so it didn’t seem by that point that they’d ever get together again, i think gen 0 wasn’t a thing yet back then, and AZKi was still pretty much music only as opposed to the more streamer Suisei.

“The Last Frontier” was also extremely heavy hitting when it came out, since just a couple months prior we had learned that AZKi would’ve originally graduated, and as Suisei herself pointed out, it was very much a Swan Song for her. It would’ve pretty much marked the end of their story, and as much of a banger that this song is, it wouldn’t have been a satisfying one at all. Even after they reconnected, they didn’t really get together much, AZKi still being separated from everyone else in INNK, it would’ve been not only the last, but one of the only things these two did together.

(Also also can i just say that it goes extremely underappreciated that AZKi wrote pretty much the whole song? Like, she does lyrics pretty often, but it’s rarer that she actually does the arrangement too, and then she cooks some of the hardest songs to ever grace this planet how frickin awesome is that????)

They sang this song live twice before, and have gotten together a whole lot more since AZKi joined Hololive proper. But it was this moment, right here, that i think was the proper resolution for their whole saga. For AZKi, the song she wrote to someone she thought she couldn’t reach, performed as the grand finale of the festival, on the stage it deserves, that she deserves. And for Suisei, i feel like this was the moment to reach out to AZKi, even more so than their first reunion, to show that none of what they went through was in vain, and that she sees her, that she’s finally properly by her side now.

I could be and probably am wrong about this, but i personally have never seen or don't remember seeing AZKi openly cry before, in fact something that i simultaneously admired and worried about is that for as long as I’ve watched her, she doesn’t ever ”let her guard down”, like she takes breaks extremely rarely, and is always super smiley and in high spirits even things aren’t going super great.

So like, when i saw her actually break down like that, i couldn’t keep it together, i cried so. damn. hard, like genuinely ugly crying, bawling my eyes out and then some, to the point that i felt like a raisin that was left in the sun to dry some more for the whole day, i genuinely believe that i have 床’d the hardest out of any Pioneer alive (fight me Iroha). It was very cathartic tho i do recommend it especially if you’ve been bottling up feelings tangentially related to it and have been grumpy about it for the week.

AZKi is probably the best thing that’s happened to me in these past 5 years, like, i think at this point i can say that she’s a major part of my life and who i am now. There hasn’t been anyone else whose music touched me, comforted me whenever i needed, and inspired me to get on my feet and face life like her music did. There’s no one else who sings like she does, and nothing makes me happier to see her come as far as she did, somewhere that as recently as a year ago I’d never thought it’d be possible. It was just so extremely rewarding to see it, as clear and concrete as it can be, that she made it, that to keep going was the right decision, that she’s achieved something incredible, and that Suisei, the Pioneers, everyone, looks at her with pride.

I’m just so incredibly happy, i can’t put it into words, i couldn’t have asked for anything more.

Watching back the MV after this live, i cannot even begin to tell you how much more complete and fulfilling it feels now. The two of them, looking for each other, but never meeting until the very end. Now, i think more than ever, the last part truly became real, the two of them holding hands, looking at the same sky.

Tonight, Canopus was the brightest star in the sky.

Continues in the next one

[allamericansbitch]

Believe or not, the chokehold was so intense I never saw that she used to LOVE do with others what she didn’t want anybody doing to her (for years!)

1- She does not hold back to show how the hate she got in 2016 was traumatic ( I stood by her side) but then she just sits and tolerates or even loves to see her fans sending MASSIVE hate to every person that may have done her wrong.

And a lot of times so unfairly? Like the black actress from Ginny and Georgia who can’t choose her lines, she just read a script, yet she was banished with racism. Also SZA :/ she had to see so many racist tweets and she has never done anything bad to Taylor, that was sad

Like, if she knows how bad for your mental health that is why just tolerate doing the same to somebody else? People who are innocent!

2- Unfortunately, this time I made part of the mistake and only now I can see how wrong it is and I’m talking about sending hate to her exes. I was so brainwashed that I genuinely thought i was doing something right. But now that I’m not a teenager anymore, I can see relationships many times are not so black and white and that has to have limits on the calling out. I never said nothing really bad like go off yourself NEVER never never, but I used to call out these guys frequently to the point of annoyance! I’m so sorry!

And what made me realize that was what happened to Joshua (after Olivia and Sabrina’s albums) like…. They’re human beings. Send massive hate is not ok!!! Even if you’re doing it to protect your idol, it needs to be a humanized call out.

3- She fought so hard to own her masters but she stayed radio silence to defend Britney? That wasn’t about artists rights, it was about human rights!!! Her silence at that time, really left a bad taste on my mouth. She got so sad when a lot of artists didn’t support her fighting for her masters but she thought it was ok to do the same with a HUMAN being autonomy??

I used to think she was doing it on secret but nope, just not doing it all. Thank God Miley spoke about it :/

4- She loves to talk about feminism but she never actually supported any women, not a single one. Only after 20 years of career she collaborated with a black woman (and she’s light skin af), the fact that she didn’t let women speak on her collaborations was a common “joke” between us (and this was after we begged her to even let a women get close to her in a song) She constantly only works with men, men and men! The few women she worked with behind the scenes, (co-writing/sound engineering) she always kinda dimmed their spotlight and never spoke about it a lot. And it was only two. But Jack and Aaron are “soulmates” of collaborations as she herself said and they take a lot of credit. Yet her most acclaimed song was co-written by a woman, yes All Too Well! Selena has been a friend for yeaaaaars and not collab, but Ed Sheeran has 37268 collaborations. And Selena is insanely big, would be a HUGE promotion. She has so much internalized misogyny, it breaks my heart

And there are so MANY more points but I’m going to stop bc it’s already a lot to read but yeah :c Taylor had always been actually open about her colors, we just didn’t want to see it

she's done a lot of things in the past that really toed the line and i think this is the first time she really overshot with what she thought she could get away with

[solarwynd]

Am I the only that thinks hybe getting Jungkook to collab with usher instead of jimin is slimy as hell? I’m not saying it wasn’t out of convenience, usher and scooter Braun have a history (he calls him his soul brother) so getting him to collab with a bts member was surely appealing to usher anyone would jump at the chance but to not give it to jimin someone who’s expressed that this is someone he idolized growing up is shitty as hell. Not saying jimin wouldn’t be happy for Jungkook or be supportive but after watching the dance performance he compliments jimin so well. It’s a shame he’s a Zionist and all so in a way it’s a relief he wasn’t working with jimin but before that came out all I felt was anger for jimin tbh. It’s like if jimin collaborated with Justin Bieber someone who Jungkook has idolized and basically shaped his entire personality around. I know he would feel some type of way but one of my mutuals also said jimin has changed the last few years so maybe usher isn’t his favorite artist anymore and maybe that’s true but I doubt it. He has namedropped him many times over the years just like he did for fast and furious but I think jimin is not the type of person to reach out to an artist, at least from the very small collaborations he’s done he was the one that was always being asked. Sometimes I wish jimin took initiative because I do not want him to work with usher anymore but I would love for him to work with kehlani, h.e.r., mahlia, aamaree, ariana, lucky daye extc. There’s so many artists that would compliment his voice but I just feel as though he never feels the need to reach out like the other members do.

Mmm I don’t think it was slimy more like a wasted opportunity in general or something that could’ve had more artistic merit had he been involved with jimin. Like you have an artist like usher and then just shove him on a remix? Dumb. Fts should always be representative of bringing someone on that you feel could either bridge a gap to make a more complete song or enhancing it. Not just putting someone on the track just to be there. If you do the later, it just ends up sounding disjointed in the end. For example, I can’t imagine usher being on any song on face cause he doesn’t fit the vision jimin was going with. Jimin even said there were no fts on face because he didn’t feel right with someone else singing on tracks about his personal experiences.

In jk’s case, usher fits what he’s going for. Which is basically an imitation of him and several others. They’re collecting the major male solo artists to get them to collab with jk. Not only to bring him more clout but to also have him aligned with that image of the next big male soloist in america. Justin beiber is gonna be the last infinity stone in that gauntlet and we all know they probably have that lined up already.

It’s also kinda unrealistic to call “dibs” on an artist just because someone idolizes them. Chances are if another member genuinely wanted to, they’d approach them. Doesn’t make sense to put something that you already have planned on hold just to wait for person A, who has nothing planned with said artist, to maaaybe put something in the works with them, out of courtesy to them. I understand that the novelty of it might be dampened since someone in the group nabbed him first, but that doesn’t mean usher can never be utilized again as a ft. And the product from the second time around would probably be infinitely better anyway. (In theory. I’d rather him not work with him) It’s very easy to conflate all these instances as slights towards jimin since hybe is always working against him and maybe there is some hint of that in this decision, but it wasn’t their goal with this imho.

Claiming jimin doesn’t take initiative in terms of doing collabs is odd to me though, cause you can’t say that if it was never on the docket for him. I could understand if he was constantly teasing or nudging at usher for a collab, but he never has. He just mentions that he loves his work. And like I said, if he didn’t fit the vision then there’s no point of putting him on a song. I’m sure there probably are collabs for jimin in the future that he has planned. Good chance it won’t be with anybody who any of us envisioned (I’ve dreamed of him doing a collab with banks for ages) and that’s gonna have to be okay. Cause if it works and it works for him then 🤷🏾‍♀️

[teacuptoast]

Fluffy YJ Headcanons

Hey, this is the first time I've written in 6 months theses are more like headcanons. Just got to give me a sec to get back into the rhythm again. This is based on season 1 so don't come for me.

words: 0.4k

Warning: funny...Fluff (I know I didn't think I could do it either)

Summary: Idk just random headcanons

Navigation

2) what happens on the mind link  

Alright, the mind link sounds like a 2020 discord chat and you can’t tell me otherwise. With that being said, I think it would look something like this:

The-real-flash-not-fake: ughhhhh

Wally’s-left-sock: stfu

The-real-flash-not-fake: 👁️👄👁️

The-real-flash-not-fake: WHAT WAS THE REASON?

Kaldur1: It’s 2am. Can we discus this in the morning?

The-real-flash-not-fake:🍄sawarasenai🥰kimi😸wa⛓️shoujio👻na💅

Wally’s-left-sock: BAHAHAHAHA

Dwyane-the-Crock-Jonson: JAIL RN

Greengirl: im so confused

     -Superman-128302: me too dw

5) how team members react to black canary randomly dragging one of them off to talk 

“OUUU SOMEONES IN TROUBLEEE,” every, single, time. Especially from Rob. When it’s Rob that's getting taken away. They HOUND him. Even Kaldur gets in on the fun. 

15) who are the teams favorite music artists

This but i’m Nuerodivergent >>>

Rob: Bo Burnham

Dying on the inside fr

Mad he can’t face time with his mom tonight.

Favorite song is welcome to the internet

He knows all the words and its kinda a problem

Trys to relate to unpaid intern…but it doesn’t really make sense.

Kid: LEMON DEMON MAKE BRAIN GO BURRR

This and mario cart music

Dosen’t openly listen to but it's always on the playlist. 

It’s giving, singing in the shower then i sliped

Favorite song is Jaws 

If he’s got headphones on, this is what he’s listening to

Artie: Harry Stiles

She loved One Direction so of course she loves Harry

Blasts it in the car

If she went to a Harry Stiles concert then she’d have 1 of 2 signs

“Harry how about I take you out to the cinema 😉” or

“You’re the only British person I like.”

Conner: Metalica (it’s really Taylor Swift but he’d rater die then admit it)

Survived the ticket master grate war, got tickets “for Meg”

His favorite song is Red (taylor’s version obvi)

New Romantics is a close second

“Hey Conner you’ve been on the computer all day? What are you even doing.”

“Take a step closer and you’ll hate you more the Jake Gyllenhaal

Kaldur: Mac DeMarco 

He like how slow the music is 

Allows him to relax

Cries to for the first time, every time.

Reminds him of home. That ether makes him happy or sad. :(

SOMEONE GIVE THIS MAN A HUG

Megan: Lana Del Ray

Dosen’t understand half the lyrics but vibes anyway

Its giving, i can’t understand my emotions lol 

Another person that needs a hug

Fav song is Young and Bueatiful 

I’m not crying you are

A/N: Whoa you're at the end! If you enjoyed then please drop me some feedback so I can continue to improve. See you later!

[randomvarious]

Next Evidence - "Dune" Stockholm Mix Sessions 2 by Jesper Dahlbäck Song released in 1999. Mix released in 2000. Deep House

It's kinda strange how you can't find a proper bio about this French deep house duo anywhere. You'd think that when an enormous major label like Capitol/EMI puts out someone's album, it'd help to generate some kind of fanfare for the artist, but it doesn't really appear to have done so in the case of Next Evidence; at least not to the point where some professional music writer publishes a few sentences online about what the duo does and where they're from. All we really have to go on here is a poorly written, unverified thing from some last.fm user. Crazy.

But allow me to piece together a narrative here that differs slightly from that last.fm entry. Next Evidence was made up of Maxime Cohen and Michael Tordjman. In '97, while they were both in their mid-20s, the pair put out their debut record, and in '98, they started their own small record label, Basic Recordings, which ended up releasing material from a handful of house talents, including Julien Jabre and Dennis Ferrer.

The following year, with five releases solidly under their belt as a duo, Next Evidence put out an EP called Sands on the Paris-based Versatile Records. And it's on that little EP that you'll find a deep house banger of theirs called "Dune."

Now, what appears to have sonically set Next Evidence apart from most of their fellow deep house peers is that they had a special affinity for African percussion. While most deep house makers were just using standard drum machines or software to construct their backbeats, these guys were on some different shit, making sure that just the basest parts of their own productions were unique enough to catch and then captivate one's ear. And that approach, when it comes to just the music itself, will definitely give you a leg up on your competition, because at jump, when all you've really introduced is your drums, you're already putting out something that doesn't sound like most of what else is out there, and your tune’s barely even gotten started yet! And that's not to say that others weren't also using African percussion in their deep house at the time, but it definitely wasn't nearly as commonplace as other methods of crafting a backbeat.

So, next, you add some space-dubby synth-work to the track, and then by making some slight alterations here and there, you can just coast on that combo for as long as you'd like and you'll still have a mighty fine track, right? Well, yeah, you could do that, but Next Evidence had other ideas, because just as you really start to sink yourself into this groove for the long haul, they decide to unexpectedly seep in some fantastically sex-wet jazz sax, courtesy of some French dude named Denis Guivarc'h, who'd apparently been lending his talents to records for years before this one and still does to this day. He's doesn't appear to have ever released anything on his own, but you can hear his exploits on a sizeable chunk of releases that have been coming out since the early 90s.

And then after Guivarc'h finishes his part, a new top layer of percussion suddenly arrives, courtesy of a guy named Nicolas Krassilchik, who provides an awesome solo on timbales, further enhancing this experience even more. According to Discogs, this was only Krassilchik's second-ever appearance on wax, but it sure as shit doesn't sound like it, because his contribution here is simply electric. And Krassilchik is another guy who's never released anything on his own either, although he was a member of a group called 26 Pinel, who ended up putting out a couple albums in the mid-2000s.

This fully-packed track is amazing. Like, I would've totally dug it if it was just only made up of those drums and synths; it was that good already. But then Cohen and Tordjman decide to bring in those back-to-back sax and timbales solos, and the song just ascends to another plane 😌. 

What a superb tune from this duo who you can barely find anything about online, even though they've had a major label album release!

[boysplanetrecaps]

Boys Planet, Episode 8: The First Hour

Hello, friends! So, as you might recall, the first hour or so of episode 8 is devoted to going through the preparation that the various teams made for the third challenge mission, knowing that only half of them would actually be able to perform it. I didn’t recap it at the time because I was more interested in covering the eliminations, but I’ll be covering it here in this post! 

Please note that it’ll be hard for me to talk about these groups without sometimes acknowledging who does and who doesn’t survive the elimination from the second half of this episode. If you’re spoiler averse, you may want to wait until you’ve seen the rest of the episode to read this part. For what it's worth, I don’t feel like I’ll be saying anything that you wouldn’t have more or less guessed. 

Here we go!

We start at 5:45 in to the episode. The boys are gathered in a large room, still wearing their outfits from the second challenge mission. They’re there to be assigned to one of the five “artist” songs that were revealed in episode 6. (The link takes you to the mini demos, and is spoiler free.) I find it difficult to describe what the songs sound like, especially since we can’t hear the whole songs and the genres the show uses to describe them are kinda weird (“oriental pop”? “Sentimental hiphop”???). So you can listen for yourself. 

As was the case for all Produce/Planet shows before this, the trainees were matched to songs based on audience vote. The Star Creators were given like, 24 hours to vote on this, which means that for the most part, only Koreans really had a chance to do it. The idea is supposed to be that the audience would put, say, Cha Woongki in a cute song, and put, say, Kim JiWoong in a sexy song. Also, the trainees appealed to the Star Creators to put them in a particular song. That video is actually a lot of fun -- some of the trainees sing or dance to get your attention, and I feel like it’s the first time I actually heard Ricky just straight up sing. He’s got a really nice voice! Notably, Z-bo speaks some Korean in his video, too, so that’s cool! Anyway, it’s cute to watch, and has subtitles, so give it a look if you’re at all interested. 

Of course, since a bunch of trainees wanted certain songs, and not a lot of people wanted certain other songs, the matchup could never be perfect. I’ll get to all that in a bit! 

In any case, we finally find out that the new Star Master is Key from SHINee. If you don’t know SHINee, check out their songs Sherlock, View, and Replay. If you don’t like any of those then it’s ok, but trust me, SHINee is really well-respected and completely changed K-pop. Before SHINee, no one danced while singing the way that SHINee did. If there had never been a SHINee, there would not have been a BTS, not the way that you know them. So, even if you don’t like their music, you should know who they are. (Oh, and side note, if you watched Run for The Money on Netflix, that featured Minho, who is also from SHINee.)

The SHINee boys are also sentimental faves of mine. SHINee and f(x) were the two groups who really got me into Kpop, and if you know much about kpop, you know that those two groups have something really awful in common and I don’t want to talk about it, but let me just remind us all to be kind to kpop celebrities, ok? Because we don’t want stuff like that happening again. 

Anyway, SHINee debuted in 2008, when Key was just 17 (and dance machine Taemin was just 14). They were HUGE -- they were absolute sensations. Their clothing set fashion trends, and their songs were all massive hits. The members have gone through a lot, but they’re still kicking. Key is the funniest, most snarky, most honest member, and he’s known for his sense of style as well as his performance abilities. Check out his new song Killer -- it’s got a retro-80s vibe that I really dig and I think a lot of people would like it! 

So yeah, when the trainees react to Key as of a god has walked into the room, they’re not exaggerating for the camera. Key debuted when some of them were still too young to know how to tie their shoes, and he’s fucking COOL.

His level of fame leaves pretty much every other star master on the show completely in the dust, with the possible exception of Sunmi, who dropped by in episode 3. She's at least maybe kind of on par.

So, yeah, once they manage to rehinge all their jaws, Key gives them the rules of the next mission -- how they’ll all prepare the songs, then find out halfway through who survived and will get to perform them. I love how the trainees are always surprised when the show does exactly what it has done every season since Produce101 season 1. I mean, I know the show has a different name now but it’s still the same show. Six seasons, and you’re shocked? Come on, now. 

Since this is an “artist battle,” let me add in a quick note on the term “artist” in Kpop -- I think I talked about this in another recap but I don’t remember for sure so I’ll risk doing it again. In Korea, it’s understood that idols make idol music, and that artists make, for lack of a better word, “real” music. People like Bibi are understood to be artists, and as such don’t necessarily always dance, or have fan meetings, etc. People like Huta are understood to be idols; they’re praised for their “visuals” (ie, whether or not they have nice faces) and are generally expected to remain single to be a parasocial love object for their fans. They make their money off of brand endorsements as much as concert sales. People like Hui or Jeon Soyeon from G-Idle or G-Dragon from BigBang kind of toe the line between idol and artist, since they write their own songs and manage their own teams, but also happen to be really good looking and usually happy to endorse whatever you have lying around. It’s kind of weird to expect these trainees to be “artists”, but every reality show keeps making things more difficult ever year, even though their contestants aren’t necessarily getting more talented every year. I mean, have you watched the most recent season of Great British Bake Off? What WAS that? But I digress. 

Ok, back to the point. It's an artist battle; they'll be given demo songs and demo choreography, but they're expected to go ahead and change whatever they want and plan the staging and performance.

So the boys listen to the songs and aggressively love them all. My favorite is when they listen to the “oriental pop” song Switch and Seo Won says he feels like he’s abroad. Wut….? I guess to them, “oriental” means India? I also liked when Matthew said, “I don’t want to do sexy concepts” about the sexy song, which like, yes, thank you, Matthew. Figure out what you’re good at, please.  

Then Key tells them that the members of the team that gets ranked first at the Artist Battle will get 200,000 points each, with the “winning” member getting an extra 200,000. That is a substantial benefit, but since it will probably end up going to a mostly top-11 team anyway, it won’t end up mattering. They’ll also end up going on M-Countdown, and, even bigger to them, having a fan meeting. They’re excited about that, and I don’t blame them. 

Oh, I’m having a flashback to that GP999 fan meeting when they were still in the middle of c*vid and all the fans were in their cars in the middle of a field. I’m glad we’re through the worst of that stuff now. I don’t want to go off on a tangent about some of the stuff I experienced living in a huge, hard-hit US city, but it was awful. I bet a lot of us have stories like that, huh? It’ll be one of those things that in five or ten years, when you meet someone for the first time, one of the first things you’ll talk about in the get-to-know-you phase will be “where were you in March of 2020?” Like for the boomers, talking about where they were when they found out that JFK had been shot.

Back to the show. 

So, the boys are finding out which song they got, which means it’s another one of those lengthy “finding out who is in which team” montages, complete with pranks and stuff and it’s not that fascinating…? So I’ll just recap some of the highlights, and then get to the part where they’re actually preparing. 

I-Chan asked for Over Me in that video, but as he was leaving the room the other trainees say he wanted Switch, and that is in fact what he got. 

I really love Park Hyunbeen saying at first that Supercharger didn’t really “suit his taste” (he wanted the cute song, Say My Name, and I agree it would have been a cute performance!) but when he finds out that he got Supercharger after all, he gives a big smile and says that now he’s excited to do that song. Aww, why do I only end up really loving some of these trainees when it’s too late? You’re a cutie pie, Hyunbeen. 

It’s kind of heart breaking to watch Ji Yun Seo and Lee Yedam be so happy to get the song they wanted, knowing what we know. 

THEORY TIME: I think that for the most part, the audience did vote to give trainees what they asked for, and I think that when there were too many trainees for a given song -- “Over Me” and “Say My Name” were very popular -- the producers matched them to songs in order of their rank. Thus, as very few trainees wanted Supercharger, many low-ranked trainees ended up in that song; as Say My Name was heavily requested, it was filled mostly with higher ranked trainees. Just my theory but it seems to explain a lot.

This:

I think that the reason Anthonny seems a little sad when he joins the Switch team is that he wanted Say My Name. But I think Switch could also have been great for Anthonny. 

The fact that Lee DaEul and both “houses” were put in Supercharger seems to confirm my theory that Supercharger was a dumping ground for unpopular trainees who wanted popular songs. That, or the audience put Lee DaEul in Supercharger to continue to punish him for his sins. 

I love Kum Jun Hyeon saying, “Park Gunwook and I decided to be friends. We became friends.” That’s how it works in my little cousin’s world -- he decides to be friends with someone and then is. Knowing that he’s good friends with Gunwook kind of explains that whole scene in episode 6 when he was trying to get Gunwook kicked out of Tomboy so Gunwook would have to come over to Ggang with him. 

I know that the show format encourages the pranking and stuff but it’s really not my favorite. 

Everyone’s reaction to Zhang Hao arriving is amazing. Chen Kuan Jui just picking him up and carrying him around is my favorite bit. 

It’s kind of interesting how Sung Hanbin, Kim JiWoong, and Matthew all wanted to do something “not sexy.” I guess I understand -- most kpop groups do all different concepts, and it’s a valuable skill to be able to pull off a song like Love Me Right and ALSO pull off a song like Love Killa. But still, I just think that Say My Name sounds like every “cute” kpop song thrown into a blender and then put into a “cute song” mold and allowed to solidify there before someone carefully dumped it out onto a plate. I don’t know. I know it’ll get stuck in my head eventually anyway but it’s not like that’s the kind of song I seek out to listen to.

JiWoong says, “I want to perform while smiling.” Do that ANYWAY, JiWoong. If Kai from Exo smiles in the middle of Obsession, you can smile in the middle of Love Killa, JiWoong. 

Ok! Let's talk about each team's preparation.

21:26: En Garde

Here is the En Garde team, with the song that each member wanted, as well as their previous song. I’ve arranged them in order of their Episode 6 rank, which gives you a sense of how likely they are to survive.

Kim Gyu Vin             En Garde                    Love Killa Hui                           En Garde                   Tomboy Park Gunwook         En Garde                    Tomboy Kum Jun Hyeon       En Garde                   Gang Park Hanbin             En Garde                    Law Lee Seung Hwan     Say My Name           Gang Hiroto                        En Garde                    Rush Hour Lee Ye Dam             En Garde                    Law Ji Yun Seo                En Garde                    Home Oh Sung Min            En Garde                    Rush Hour

They have to choose a leader, and Hui is like, WAYYY too invested in being the leader. He wants to work with his “database” and all the know how he’s built up over the years. The editors do him a little dirty, fast forwarding his speech on why he should be leader, and even showing him practicing his speech in the bathroom ahead of time. 

The first time that I laughed out loud at anything that Kum Jun Hyeon has ever done was right here, when, after Hui finishes his lengthy speech, Kum says to the other trainees that their speeches about why they want to be leader “have to be lengthier than this.” I think it threw Hui off a little bit -- he may have been expecting grateful acceptance of his leadership, or else a challenge from Park Hanbin perhaps, but not someone making fun of his careful speech. 

In any case, naturally, Hui is chosen to be the leader. I’d choose him as the leader too. 

The crew members explain that there will be two people chosen for the killing part and other parts, because there are ten of them for now, despite there being six people in the choreography.  And of course, everyone wants to get the killing part, because as usual that means tons more screen time. Gyuvin, JunHyeon, Yedam, Gunwook, YunSeo, and Sungmin all want it. I actually laughed again as all six of them practice the same bit but at slightly different times. The edit focuses primarily on Gyuvin and Gunwook -- as if the other ones are laughable for wanting it. I think Oh Sungmin actually does a great job -- JunHyeon overdances and looks out of control, and we barely see Yedam or Yunseo. 

Side note: Oh Sungmin looked so much better with his real hair color. Why is he doing this blonde curl thing when he is capable of looking like this?  Oh, and while we’re looking at old T01 fancams, check out this one of Woongki, being all serious and charismatic. I know it’s not his personality but he pulls it off, in my opinion. I guess they just both don’t want to do songs like that anymore. 

In any case, Gunwook turns out to be a lock, and then they choose Gyuvin as well. 

We cut to their trainee self-evaluation, and we see them performing. Honestly, they look great for a midway practice run. I wonder if Hui deputized Park Hanbin to run dance rehearsals? I would, in his shoes. A good leader knows how to delegate!

Gyuvin is nervous to be compared to Gunwook, and when it’s his team’s turn to try, Gyuvin chokes a bit and forgets some of the lyrics. Still, later on when they get the evaluation forms back, many trainees choose Gyuvin as the better choice for the center, saying he suits it better. 

Side note: Look at Gyuvin doing a scaled down version of his hero Exo-Kai’s trademark leaning-back slouch.

Obviously, Kai has it down to a limbo-esque art, but Gyuvin is working on it!!! 

The team does well overall. It’s great to see some of the trainees perform the song who won’t get to do it on stage -- good job, you guys. And we’re left with the thought that team En Garde is on track to succeed. 

We’ll have to see 

which member they kick out later on, and 

which member gets to keep the Killing Part. 

At 31:00, we switch over to team Say My Name. 

Everyone in this group wanted this song, so I’ll just list the trainees and their previous song to help remind you of who is who, but this group is full of fairly popular trainees and you’ll probably recognize all or most of them.

Sung Hanbin                         Tomboy Han Yu Jin                           Law Seok Matthew                       Love Killa Kim Ji Woong                       Love Killa Kim Tae Rae                          Man in Love Yoo Seung Eon               Home Seo Won                           Love Killa Takuto                           Rush Hour Ollie                                     Zoom Cha Woong Ki                       Feel Special

The team needs to elect a leader, and there’s this ex-cru-ci-a-ting-ly edited bit about Matthew possibly wanting to be leader and then Sung Hanbin volunteering. I cannot describe how irritating it is. The worst part is from about 31:55  to 32:15. I want to burn their editing studio to the floor. 

So they decide to have Hanbin be the leader, and Kim JiWoong says, “Matthew, I think Hanbin will be good leader,” and Matthew says, “As long as he listens to you.” 

Matthew is doing a lot of that kind of “joking” that people do when they’re not really joking, you know? Ok, so, story time. I’m friends with two people who a couple, and we were all having a board game night, and when one member of the couple went to get another drink, the other one in the couple was like, “Oh, ha ha, he can’t enjoy an evening without drinking too much, ha ha ha ha, guess I better not get a second drink because SOMEONE has to drive home so we don’t end up in a ditch, ha ha ha,” and it was sooooo uncomfortable because she was saying it like it was a joke, but it was NOT a joke. You feel me? That’s the kind of “joking” Matthew is doing. 

That little dig -- “as long as he listens to you” -- manages to imply that (1) any issues JiWoong may have had with Matthew’s leadership stemmed from JiWoong wanting to inappropriately get his own way and (2) that JiWoong’s preference in a leader is rooted in who he thinks will give him his own way rather than in the quality of the leadership and (3) that JiWoong will probably have as much of an issue with Hanbin’s leadership as he did with Matthew’s once Hanbin starts actually giving orders AND (4) that there is no other substantive difference between Hanbin and Matthew’s leadership skills. You see what I mean? There’s a LOT there.

It’s u n c o m f o r t a b l e. 

We don’t see the team choose main vocal -- they must have given it to Yoo Seung Eon -- and instead we go straight to subvocal 1, a substantive part that a lot of people want. One of the people who wants it is TaeRae, who inexplicably is NOT the main vocal, again, what the fuck, everyone. The story editors, though, focus on Matthew wanting sub-vocal-1. He says, “If I don’t get sub-vocal 1, then I’m screwed.” Again, not a good look.

I don’t know if you guys watched I-Land -- the reality show that created Enhypen -- but there was this memorable scene in which a guy named Jay (see what I mean about there being too many Jays in K-pop?) kept trying to get parts. He tried for main vocal, then subvocal 1, then subvocal 2, subvocal 3…. Every time they went to assign another part, he raised his hand. Inside, he was kind of dying as the potential parts got smaller and smaller, but he just kept trying. He ended up with a smallish part in the song, but the audience watching at home fell in love with the way he kept trying. He ended up actually getting into the final lineup for Enhypen.  

Matthew, honey. Listen to BPR-Noona, ok? The audience already knows how well you sing, so you can relax. And truly, there are no small parts, just small players. Why did Sana’s “shy shy shy” take off in Cheer Up by Twice? Just because people liked the way Sana did it. I’m sure it wasn’t designed to be a “killing part.” You don’t need a "killing part" to win, or even a big part. The most important thing for you right now, Matthew, is for you to stop coming across like a greedy rude North American. As a fellow North American, I am telling you, bud. Rope it the fuck in. BPR-Noona has spoken.

In any case, both Matthew and TaeRae get the part, so we’ll have to see what ends up happening!

Then the trainees try out for the Killing Part, and both Ollie and Han Yujin get it. While I actually like both of them, I can’t help but root for Ollie to keep it in the end. He’s almost certainly not going to make the final lineup for Bepler, so I just want him to have this chance to shine on stage. But yeah that’s probably not going to happen -- no team would lower their chance of winning by choosing a trainee who barely survived over a Top9 trainee. 

After that, we focus on Hanbin’s leadership. He starts off by telling them their goal for the day, which just sets my teacher heart on fire in the best way. Goals should always be specific and achievable. Yes, Hanbin, yes. 

Notice (1) the way that the only two “global” members on the team end up on the edges, just kind of interesting and (2) the way that Matthew positions himself as if he is also a leader -- he’s the only one not looking at Hanbin. Already, I have a bad feeling about this. 

Hanbin manages their expectations expertly, letting them know that the choreo is challenging without presenting it as scary, and then demonstrates the choreo once for them. (I love how Han Yujin immediately begins sort of dancing along as he watches in the mirror-- that kid really is kind of amazing.) Hanbin is a great leader, and Matthew is very, very envious of that. In an interview, when asked what he would rate Hanbin out of 100, he “jokes” that he “can’t give him a 100” and so gives him 90. The editors are still kind of on his side. They’re scoring his “jokes” with plinky-plunky comedy music. 

Hey, hey, uh, Matthew? Matt? Hey. It's me, BPR-Noona again. Um, why? Why can’t you give him 100? Isn’t he your friend? Aren’t you hoping to debut together? Why even joke that you can’t give him 100? What’s that about? Is it because you don’t want to place yourself below him in any way? Could it be that? Because other people who are excellent leaders themselves are letting themselves be led in other groups, and aren’t being “joking” jerks about it, Matt. General Gunwook and Park Hanbin are both really excellent leaders, and they’re following Hui in their current group. I don’t know, Matt, but I don’t think that this is a good look, no matter how plinky-plunky the comedy music is. 

Sigh.

Then there’s a hilarious bit in which Kim JiWoong openly admits that he’s never felt jealous of other trainees before, but he does now a little bit, because they so naturally suit the concept of the song in a way he doesn’t quite. Then he says that normally he just looks at himself in the mirror while he dances and enjoys his time that way. OMG. 

See, JiWoong can make jealousy seem just fine because he’s honest about it. And just so fucking weird. I love this weirdo. 

Ok, then there’s this long scene that I don’t want to get too bogged down with, but basically, there’s trouble brewing between old friends Sung Hanbin and Seok Matthew.

While Hanbin is off in the bathroom (I assume), Matthew begins “teaching” some of the others the dance -- Takuto, Seo Won, and Ollie. Now, I don’t think it would hurt anything for someone to run through stuff with Takuto one on one, but I’ve never thought of either Seo Won or Ollie as people who need extra guidance when it comes to dancing -- particularly not Ollie, who actually basically taught his own team the dance in the first Challenge Mission. 

It’s pretty interesting how, when Hanbin comes back in, he doesn’t flip out and immediately make them stop. He watches for a bit and thinks before he acts, which, again, is a sign of a great leader. He knows there’s something a little off, but he waits. He’s also polite about it in his interview, saying, “I am grateful that he [Matthew] wants to help, but my style is to have people learn the overall flow and image of the choreo before moving on to the details.” I wholeheartedly agree with that. Again, it’s that thing of how we normally build the frame of the jigsaw puzzle first, right?  Hanbin also seems to say that some of the details might even change, or perhaps that Matthew is teaching them incorrectly --? Either way, Matthew isn’t helping here. 

Then Matthew full on asks Hanbin if he can be “sub-leader,” and though Hanbin doesn’t think it’s a good idea, he says yes. Dude, I think that’s something that maybe you talk about as a team. Like, “Hey, guys, let’s get into one of those awkward semi-circles and let’s talk about whether or not you want Matthew to be the sub-leader of the team.” But I guess Hanbin doesn’t want to devote the time to that, or was worried it would create division or strife, so he just says yes. Ennnhhhh I don’t like it….

We don’t see any footage of the team performing at the trainee self-eval, interestingly enough.

So, we’ll have to watch to find out

which trainees are going to get kicked out of the team (a lot of them!) 

what will happen between JiWoong and Matthew

what will happen between Hanbin and Matthew and

what will happen between Matthew and TaeRae with the subvocal one!

40:14 Over Me 

Here are the trainees, again arranged in order of rank in episode 6 so you have a sense of who is least likely to survive, with their previous song listed to help jog your memory. All these trainees preferred Over Me except for Ma Jing Xiang, who asked the viewers to give him Say My Name. However, I think the audience might have just voted for him to Over Me anyway -- it’s not impossible. 

Zhang Hao                 Tomboy Keita                             Zoom Jay                             Home Ricky                             Rush Hour Yoon Jong Woo     Home Wang Zi Hao                Law Chen Kuan Jui     Butterfly Ma Jing Xiang             Rush Hour Lee Jeong Hyeon     Gang Lim Jun Seo                Butterfly

The team starts off by trying to choose a leader, and it seems that some of them are reluctant to volunteer. Zhang Hao says that everyone should just take a moment to think about whether they want such a big responsibility, and then Yoon Jong Woo steps up. Almost immediately, the whole team says an enthusiastic yes. Jay says that JongWoo has cold eyes like a tiger but behind that he’s a genius. Heh. Everyone’s excited because they think that being on a team with JongWoo will give the team a good vibe.

Almost all of them want the killing part -- everyone but Jay, Lim Jun Seo, and JongWoo himself. 

We see their auditions and are reminded again how great Keita’s and Hao’s vocals are. In the vote, Keita gets 4 votes and Hao gets 5. It’s noteworthy that Hao is the only one who didn’t vote for Keita or himself -- I think he voted for Ricky, but it might have been Chen Kuan Jui? It’s not clear from where his finger is pointing. But if Hao had voted for Keita, the way that Keita voted for Hao, it would have been a tie. Did Hao purposefully not vote for Keita in order to win? Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. 

Side note: I’m kind of surprised that Keita didn’t volunteer to be leader. This seems right up his ally. But maybe he’s kind of exhausted after working so hard on Zoom. Or maybe he knows that the show will punish his team if he’s the leader. But when he’s not the leader, Keita becomes an excellent teammate instead. Just watch the way that he reacts to EVERYTHING here. He grins broadly at the idea of JongWoo being the leader, and even puts his fist in the air to cheer for the team. He laughs with genuine good humor when almost all the teammates apply for the killing part. Later, he grooves to everyone else’s singing. He’s a fan of every other member of his team. That’s the kind of teammate people want to be around. Just sayin’.

After that, the team moves forward with part distribution, and there’s an uncomfortable moment in which Ma Jing Xiang tries to ask for a section of a part that is in his vocal range. It’s also edited horrifically, with TRIPLE replays of MJX’s incorrect Korean.  Yoon Jong Woo shuts him down extremely thoroughly. Then we also focus on how MJX continues dancing even when Jong Woo calls the team over to circle up. You get the feeling that Jong Woo genuinely dislikes MJX, and it’s a little uncomfortable because all or most of the team feels the same way. 

Like, Yoon Jong Woo is not fucking around. Not one bit. I get it, because MJX seems like a pretty irritating person to be around sometimes, but it might be a bit… much. 

The other storyline is that Lee Jeong Hyeon (that’s Lee of the Mun and Lee duo) thinks that there’s a spot in the song that he could write a rap for. His teammates support him in that. The next day, they go to the producers and Lee gets to do the rap he wrote in less than a day for them. The editing here gets REALLY annoying for a bit so feel free to skip ahead if you want -- the upshot is the producers say they like it and will consider it, so that seems like a win for Lee! 

So we’ll have to find out:

Which teammates they’re going to kick out

Who will get to keep the Killing Part between Keita and Hao

Whether Lee Jeong Hyeon will get to do his rap

50:01 Switch

Here are the trainees, again arranged in order of rank in episode 6 so you have a sense of who is least likely to survive. A lot of these trainees had bene hoping for a different song, as listed in the second column. I’ve also listed their previous song to help jog your memory. 

Zhang Shuai Bo          Switch               Feel Special Na Kamden                 Switch               Law Cai Jin Xin Switch             Feel Special Anthonny Say My Name Limousine Brian             Say My Name      Butterfly Dang Hong Hai Switch                   Home Wumuti Switch                  Zoom Krystian Switch                  Limousine Jung I Chan Over Me             Not Spring Choi Woo Jin Switch                   Man in Love Lee Dong Gun Over Me             Feel Special

So, this team, as leader Wumuti put it, is “nomu down.” (nomu = very) And with good reason -- their average final rank is 38, and as it happens, only a very small percentage of this team is going to survive. 

Wumuti is doing his best, but his team knows that most of them aren’t going to make it through the eliminations, and it seems kind of like a waste of time to them to try. The sense I get of the vibe of the song is that they would be good choices even if other people DID want the parts. 

Because no one else wants the killing part, Na Kamden and Wumuti take it. Wumuti is hoping that as they continue, that they’ll “find joy.” 

For some reason, as I was watching this, I found myself thinking, “What would I say as the leader of this team, to get them to try?” And I think what I would have said is this: “Hey team. I know a lot of us are discouraged right now because the reality is that many of us, myself included, may get eliminated soon. But I still really want to try my best preparing for this song. So, let’s brainstorm reasons that we should still try our hardest, despite the circumstances. I’ll get us started by pointing out the cameras that are recording us, right now. Everything we’re doing right now? The Star Creators may see that in an upcoming episode. Some of them are Star Creators who may have voted for us in the past, or might become fans of us in the future, when we’re on a different stage. Don’t we want to do our best, for them?” Then maybe based on the vibe, I’d have us go around and each give our own reason for wanting to try our best, or else just let people say things, or if necessary, give more reasons myself, like  “We want to be kpop performers or we wouldn’t be here -- don’t we want to practice just for the sake of improving?” You have to get a buy-in from the people you’re trying to lead. 

Me saying this isn’t knocking Wumuti. I think he was doing a fantastic job, especially considering his quite low rank. 

Anyway, then the show spends like 3 minutes just shitting on Jung I-Chan, who obviously could work a bit on his focus (I really do wonder if he might have something in the vicinity of ADD?) and who is obviously feeling super defeated. He never has been much of a dancer, so him having trouble with the choreo is probably just too much. At some point, his self-defense mechanisms would kick in and tell him to just give up because it’s safer. I just don’t think the guy is cut out for this stuff, but that doesn’t make him a bad person, MNET. Jeez. He even tells Wumuti, “I want to work hard, but I’m scared to work hard. It’s over.” 

And the show just HAMMERS on I-chan, even though Lee Donggun is just as “lazy.” It’s like MNET is trying to destroy this kid who obviously has some mental health issues. 

It makes perfect sense that Kamden, Brian, and Dang Hong Hai would keep trying, but I was a little surprised to see how hard Krystian keeps trying, though! I thought he was pretty much OVER the show. Maybe it’s just sort of in his nature to keep singing and dancing when he has the chance to do so. 

At the trainee self eval, they actually look pretty cool.

I totally understand why Wumuti is irritated with I-Chan, though. I would be too, in his shoes. There’s no easy way through a situation like this. 

We see him in the dorm later, wearing his official pink pajamas, and talking to someone who I can’t really see but might be Na Kamden. I don’t think we’ve ever spent this much time with Wumuti, ever. He’s such a sweetheart, though. 

At their meeting with the composer oversees -- at which they seem to communicate mostly in English -- Wumuti has a lot of ideas, and the composer seems to really enjoy the conversation. The choreographers are also impressed at their dance rehearsal. These are the kinds of things that people remember, my friends. It’s not just about how many audience members like you -- it’s also great if producers and choreographers and staff like you. That is how sometimes you can get gigs. 

So I console myself that even though most of this team doesn’t survive to perform the song -- and yes, that includes Wumuti, I don’t think that’s much of a surprise and I did warn you that there would be some mild spoilers -- I think that good things can still happen for them in the future. 

Hey, go follow Wumuti on insta, ok? Even if you don’t use insta much, it just helps him to keep his numbers up. He has a nice cover up of UN Village, and a long note he wrote in English about his time on the show. Fighting, Wumuti, sweetie!

So, I guess the questions to be answered are:

Who among this team will survive? 

What will it be like for the replacement team members to jump into this work in progress?

1:00:00 Supercharger 

So, not a lot of trainees wanted Supercharger. Among those who asked for it, all of them got it. A lot of the rest wanted the super cheerful “Say My Name” or the sexy “Over Me,” and this song is neither cheerful nor sexy. It’s easily my least favorite of the five, and I think that’s how most of the trainees felt as well. Below I list the trainees assigned to this song, the song they asked for, and their previous song.

Haruto                         Supercharger           Zoom Mun Jung Hyun Say My Name Gang Jung Min Gyu            Over Me           Man in Love Chen Jian Yu             Supercharger           Gang Park Ji Hoo             Supercharger           Limousine Cong                         Supercharger           Butterfly Bak Do Ha             Over Me             Not Spring Lee Da Eul             Say My Name Not Spring Lee Dong Yeol           Over Me             Man in Love Park Hyunbeen Say My Name Zoom

We don’t seem them pick a leader -- it’s Lee Dongyeol -- or the killing part -- they give it to Haruto and Park JiHoo, good call. Instead, we pick up with the trainees as they are watching the demo performance on their tablet. The choreo is difficult to say the least. The song still requires a lot of tweaks to the rap, performance, and choreo, and most of the team doesn’t really have the skill. They have Haruto, who can probably choreograph, and Park Ji Hoo, who can definitely write raps, plus I think Mun Jung Hyun and Park Hyunbeen are both into rapping and might be able to help a bit.  Lee Dong Yeol debuted with Up10tion in 2015 and must have learned something about performance by now.  But the rest of them, as Dong Yeol puts it, “aren’t there yet.”

They seem to be putting on a happy face as much as possible, especially Hyunbeen, who probably doesn’t want to be remembered for how much he cried at the first elimination. 

They talk about how they want to put on a good performance, and my theory is that what they mean is, they want to put on a good performance at the trainee self-eval. That’s the performance that they know is guaranteed to them, right? And they want to do really well there. 

If you operate under that theory, everything else they’re doing makes sense. They’re not dwelling on their low ranks. They are instead working really, really hard. Haruto is the dance captain, leading the rest -- Jung Min Gyu (red house) calls him “Haruto-sensai,” which is pretty adorable. 

They are trying so, so hard. The dance is probably the hardest of the five and the average dance abilities of this group is probably the lowest of the five, but goddamn if they aren’t trying, you guys, and it’s charming. Haruto is complimenting them, and they’re saying “This is fun!” and stuff. 

The other teams go back to the dorms to sleep…. 

… but all ten of them stay and keep practicing. Even back in their dorms, they’re continuing to practice in the hallways and their rooms. Trainees from the other teams notice and cheer them on.

At the trainee self eval, though, things go off the rail pretty fast. No one really sings, and they sort of lose their place in the choreo a few times. I think they rehearsed in a big group of tne, looking into the mirror the whole time, and didn’t work enough on performing as a group of five and singing along, without a mirror. They keep trying to pick it back up, but it’s a mess.

The other trainees are looking at them like this:

Kum Jun Hyeon says to a friend, “Wow, the choreo must just be THAT hard” -- that’s such a sweetly empathetic thing to say, cousin.  Park Hanbin is doing that thing he does where he smiles because he’s shocked. Hui is squinting at them, as if trying to imagine how he could fix it somehow. And Lee Yedam is just like, a full body Aigoo. Things don’t go better for the second team. 

It’s just heartbreaking. Afterward, Haruto is crying from embarrassment, and a few of the others are near tears too. The choreo is just too fucking hard for them. They probably should have focused on simplifying it a little, and maybe building in some rest periods, where a few dance a few don’t and then they switch. 

When they get the trainee evaluation forms, the feedback is brutal. But Park Hyunbeen says that this isn’t the worst. “The worst,” he says, “Was when I wore that vest for the Hot Sauce hidden camera.” Then he adds, “I was born to do Super Charger. I went on Boys Planet to perform that song and I don’t ever want to go home. I’ll make sure to survive and perform SuperCharger.” If only the show aired some of this footage before the voting period was over, lovey, but at least we see some of your mettle now. You’re a charming guy, Park Hyunbeen. Fighting!

So the questions that remain are:

Which trainees, if any, will survive? 

Which trainees will end up joining this team?

What will happen when they join -- will anyone be able to dance this choreo?

After that, there’s this bit where Seo Won and Cha Woongki go around and are silly with the other trainees -- the Planet Camp Tour --  and it’s cute, but I don’t have a lot to say about it. 

I still think Ollie was dumb to jam his finger into the camera and say that it smells bad. But he doesn’t know about my theory about bad smells on reality shows. Basically, something I’ve noticed is that on audience-vote-based reality survival shows, like So You Think You Can Dance, if someone on the show is revealed to smell bad at some point, they nearly ALWAYS go home the following week. Like once on SYTYCD, one of the dancers was complaining cheerfully that her dance partner had awful Doritos breath. Gone the next week. Another time, one of the dancers was joking about how awful he smelled at the end of a day of dance practice. Gone the next week. It doesn’t happen on shows where the judges decide, like RPDR or ANTM, but it happens whenever there’s an audience vote. Seriously, watch for it from now on. Let me know if you have another data point to add to my research on this. 

Anyway, the final moments we see before the eliminations start are all the trainees in their dorms probably the night before. We see a conversation between Hui and Kim Gyuvin, who worked together on Love Me Right and are together again on En Garde. It’s cute because Gyuvin doesn’t really fit on the bed. 

Gyuvin is worrying not about this elimination, but about the final one. It’s far more likely, he reasons, that he’ll be one of the 89 who don’t get into Bepler than to be one of the 9 who do. Hui is worried too. “If I were a Star Creator,” he says, “would I vote for an idol in his 30s? Even I wouldn’t do that.” Oh Hui. Then why did you come on the show, sweetheart? Why on god’s green earth did you do this to yourself?

We see Wumuti talking to his friend again -- it has to be Na Kamden, but I still can’t get a look at his face or get any other clue. “ ‘Give up,’ “ he says. “I used to say those words to myself once in a while. But I can’t seem to. I want it so badly.” Oh, twist that knife, MNET. 

Then we check in with Ji Yunseo and and Lee Yedam, who are with a friend in a mask who I can’t identify. The fucking subtiles say that Lee Yedam is Oh Sungmin, and I mean, omg, MNET, Sungmin has blonde hair right now, what the actual fuck.  

Then we check in Cha Woongki for a while, while he calmly but sadly talks about how he’s not really that popular and even expected to come in last in Feel Special. Now they’re not just twisting the knife; they’ve attached it to a power drill and are just spinning that thing at like 200 rpm.

Then there’s a bit with the boys all writing final messages on the wall about their time on the show. It’s as sad as you’d think it would be. A lot of the notes are addressed to the star creators. I hope that the boys are at least happy to know that people did vote for them, even if they didn’t win. Every single one of them got hundreds of thousands of votes. That must mean something, right? I do a creative performance thing myself, and I recently was eliminated in the second round of something, but people came up to me afterward and said that they voted for me and thought I was the best and were sad I’d been knocked out, and that meant a lot. 

And then the eliminations start.

Alright, loves! Thanks for reading! At this point, episode 9 is out and I haven’t even watched it yet, so I guess I’ll get on that. As always, I really appreciate the support -- some of you have sent in asks that I really loved and just haven’t responded to yet because I have the thoughts in my head and haven’t had a chance to type them. You guys are great. Hope that you’re having a good day and that you’re warm and cozy wherever you are. See you in the next one.