#I can shake them BOTH!
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I put Arkham riddler in a pickle jar so obviously I had to put Arkham scarecrow in something. It’s an orange crane soda. Careful, it’s mostly toxin.
#my art#illustration#digital art#artists on tumblr#dc fanart#comic books#comics#jonathan crane#scarecrow#dc rogues fanart#scarecrow dc#arkham asylum#arkham scarecrow#orange soda#now they are BOTH in jars!#I can shake them BOTH!#Jonathan looks so silly in this#arkham asylum games#fear toxin is now a delicious drink!
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din’s champion
#tloz#ocarina of time#oot#ganondorf#din#um#ganondin#…..does anyone here ship them ha. hahaha#i mean their whole thing is funny actually because she didnt even choose him but he managed to steal her triforce and#so then hes her ‘chosen’ by technicality. but with her virtue being power it’s maybe kinda one and the same#and anyway beyond that point i feel like she loves shaking him around like a mortal dog toy#but like in some way she also must have believed in him enough to give him Power in a different lifetime. so he’d survive his own execution#i;m just saying there is so much you can interpret about their relationship. despite her being#literally an unseen 4th dimensional being who is the embodiment of power and fire and change amd earth itself etc#like what do they think of each other. what does she think of this tiny mortal who somehow stole a piece of her and now theyre bound by it#take my hand walk w me thru mortal x god hyperdimensional traumatic power imbalance situationship. and youre both girls
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#spinda#AAAHHHH YES!!! our belovèd spinda. from their café!!! probably one of my favorite minor characters from pmd sky#whom i don't even think was in the original explorers games. i think spinda's café was exclusive to sky. if i'm remembering correct#ly. or maybe that was shaymin village. i know shaymin village was for sure but maybe it was just that and not both of them. either way#have a delicious drink and allow the flower of conversation to bloom! i could quote spinda all day. he had “hopes and dreams” before toby#ever did. THAT'S ALSO like i had no idea what spinda's pronouns were. i kept trying to figure it out because i talked about him quite a lot‚#but no one in game ever talked about him. to mention his pronouns? turns out. there's ONE line of dialogue where the post office fucker in#shaymin village mentions him and calls him a he. i think that's the only time spinda is referred to in the third person with a pronoun#i believe it's when they're talking about like. how you can send gifts or whatever and pick up the characters' responses at spinda's café#which is still a really fucking good feature. of any video game. SEE WHAT I MEAN spinda and their café is just an incredibly good Thing#it's to the point where my home wifi network is named “Spinda's Café Wi-Fi” because i love it so much. so if you're ever runnin around#and you see a wifi network by that name… it might be me! you never know! or… it could be the real deal. the real spinda's café is somewhere#nearby…! ugh. i wish. i would go there immediately#not even to mention all the other shit about this pokémon that's really good. like that they never walk in straight lines or whatever#their little dance. it's just. huUGHKLJKAHJVDHJHDAJSVGD i love spinda. a nice pick-me-up after the underwhelmingness that was grumpig#shake it this way… shake it that way… and stir it all around… and it's done!
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(check the tags for more and also the tag for other fics in the story!)
athena, scowling as she gets bullied into marrying the people she pined over for the last 1000 years, suddenly realising something: wait a minute
odysseus: what?
athena, frozen: wait a damn minute you know what this gives me rights to do
penelope, also realising: oh fuck yes
odysseus: I don't like the sound of whatever's happening here what are you two fucking talking about?
athena, grabbing the marriage wine and tossing it back, then kissing her new wife and husband and handing penelope a spear as she picks up a mace: we'll be back shortly, you can start celebrations without us.
penelope: do u have anything that can start a fire
athena, pulling out an old contract and scanning it before throwing it over her shoulder: yes. are you scared of heights or can we fly.
penelope: fucking bring it I've waited years for this moment
zeus: where are they going
hermes, picking up the contract: they're going to... Ogygia? Oh fucking shit they're going to fucking kill Calypso- hey, hello, WAIT-
#odysseus disappears midway because athena plants one on him so hard his soul evaporates#(strategic to make him stop from coming after them and also from passion she forgot to hold back for once)#(and also shes maybe possibly in love and cant wait to get vengeance on Calypsos bitch ass who hurt him so much for so long)#penelope has had to deal with calypos afteraffects for literally the rest of their lives. from flashbacks to odysseus inconsolably crying#at her feet for forgiveness some days even though shes always said frim the first moment that it wasnt his fault#the rest of the gods have to chase them down to prevent them from eternally torturing calypso (goddesses cant die <3)#athenas blazing mad and sick with guilt and horror. she couldn't attack before because it would be seen as an attack from olympus#but as a wife! as two wifes! no political implications there no holds barred calypso gets her ass BEAT#but also pls imagine them chasing her and gods chasing them round and round the island while screaming#odysseus wavered like 17 times on whether to ask hermes for a lift there or not but goes in the end#their honeymoon in truth ends up being on ogygia#athena lovingly and seductively teaching penelope how to fillet a person both of them covered in ichor#odysseus with a hand over his mouth blushing grinning tears in eyes torn between turned on and terrified to be back and crying coz they lov#him that much.#((he goes to her just before they leave in the cave she used to drag him to. she can barely hold herself up and hes shaking to approach))#((but he's stronger now. settled and satisfied and content. he kneels by her and sets down bandages next to her.))#((i told you i was married he says. and because his truest weapon is his tongue- if youd just listened i wouldve found us both a way out))#she sobs and he leaves. the scars will never fade fully but he feels lighter as he steps out into the sun where athene and pen are waiting.#bloodsoaked and being shouted at by hera but smiling at him widely and gleefully as he approaches. takes a hand each and presses him btwn.#he squeezes back with a smile and leans into them. his beautiful horrifying wives#odypenath#odypenetha#odysseus#penelope#athena#odypen#odyath#penath#epic the musical#love in paradise
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Murray, after watching Steve and Eddie for all of five seconds, confidently walks up to them and starts his whole spiel about pining blah blah etc etc, and like, Steve will absolutely not have that, there is no way.
So he snorts, looks at Murray down his nose, and with zero hesitation lies, tells him “We’ve been dating for a month, congrats on seeing the obvious... Or not since you couldn’t tell”
He just hopes Eddie will play along. Steve is sending him the strongest signals with his mind right now, and, just, he knows Eddie can be petty like this too (that’s why he likes him so much, and yeah Murray is a little right but fuck him so much more for it)
Eddie ‘lives for the bit and to fuck with people’ Munson does not disappoint. He slings an arm around Steve and is like “Yeaaahhh wow, real clever observation there buddy.” In the driest tone imaginable
And Murray, well he was sure he was right, still kind of is sure he’s right so he just squints at them for a bit and then breaks out in a wide grin, and only sounds a little sarcastic when he says “Congrats on figuring your shit out yourselves.”
Except he absolutely does not mean it because he wanted to do that, he likes doing that. And now he's sulking and will watch them so closely because something seems off
Eddie and Steve, so committed to the bit and to not let Murray win, start fake dating. All while Murray tries to catch them in their lie, and they’re all too stubborn to give up
Murray starts to slowly think he maybe was wrong though because they really seem like a couple. And even though there’s still something there he can’t ignore the proof.
When they straight up make out in front of him, and he can tell that they’re so lost in each other they probably don’t know he’s there he's about to concede
But then after that, they act so weird around each other again? It’s like before but worse and how did the pining get worse when they’re actually openly together? Regularly have their tongues down each other's throats and all?
Meanwhile, Steve and Eddie are going through it because they thought they’d be okay but that kiss was so much, and oh god they don’t think they can do this? But they can’t let Murray win?
A week and a half later at their monthly 'we survived the apocalypse, again' get-together at Hoppers and Joyce’s, Murray just gets enough of how twitchy they are. He grabs them both and locks them in a closet and is like “I don’t wanna know anymore, whatever fight you had or didn’t figure it out”
They sort of stand there shuffling from foot to foot not marking eye contact until Eddie is just like “Oh for fucks sake, I like you for real okay? The bastard was right so can we actually just date? Please?” And all Steve's can do is say "Thank god," while he smiles the most blinding smile and grabs Eddie by his collar pulling him in for a kiss
Fifteen minutes later they come out of the closet (the irony and symbolism is not lost on them) all disheveled and a little too satisfied looking and are met with very loud screaming from all the younger teens, ranging from a simple “Ew!” (Mike) to “Dude we are right here what if we'd heard? Or walked in there and seen?” (Dustin)
They’re lucky they’re too distracted by this to see Murray's self-satisfied smirk because if they did they would have pretend broken up and there would have been another month of sneaking around but this time actually dating and pretending they weren’t
#I'm bringing you all another steddie gets Murray'd take because well I can#and bc I think they'd be so bitchy to him about it and like see it as war#they refuse to admit he got them together until years later and even then they're like 'we would have gotten there quicker and with less#confusion without him- he was a roadblock actually'#they’re bitch boyfriends ok?#Murray moves on to Nancy and Robin after this and both Nancy who has been Murray'd before and Robin who knew this whole mess#just shake their heads and is like 'you quiet- we are not doing this let us figure out our own lives'#dels steddie thoughts#steddie headcanon#my post#steddie ficlet#murray bauman#stranger things#eddie munson#steve harrington#steddie
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[ID: gifs from the series "Mysterious Lotus Casebook" showing the characters Fang Duobing and Li Lianhua interacting in chronological order. They show Fang Duobing forcibly taking his pulse, Li Lianhua catching a drunk Fang Duobing before he falls over, Fang Duobing threatening Li Lianhua with Erya when he attempts to stand up, both of them pretending to drink poisoned wine, Li Lianhua grabbing Fang Duobing to force him to eat his soup, Fang Duobing putting a protective arm in front of Li Lianhua, crouched over Li Lianhua after he collapses, pushing Li Lianhua, helping him sit up, and Fang Duobing handing Li Lianhua water in Lotus Tower. /end ID]
#god theyre so funny. shaking their jar is no longer enough im putting both of them in the ultrasonic cleaner.#mysterious lotus casebook#fang duobing#li lianhua#莲花楼#cdramaedit#mlcbedit#lhledit#my gifs#the hair flip in the second one is so fucking funny to me..#also. the way the last gif is the last shot of them side by side.#i really can't believe fang duobing asks li lianhua 'please for once can you not run away' and then he never sees him again.
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Thinking about how now all of times they highlight differences between the twins, and that it is their differences that determined their fate. Bloody (Davis' twin) who lives Harvest (Reed's twin) who dies They both liked violence, but Harvest has always been more sadistic. Bloody gets to the point tearing their enemies apart, Harvest makes a point to talk about torturing FC as Foxy watches today. Neither wanted to give up violence, but Harvest is the one who rants about how they'll never change today. Speaking for the both of them, speaking over them. Bloody who didn't believe they could be killed so easily, even with the bomb in their head. Harvest who knew they could be killed, but didn't care because the other would keep going (right?). Bloody who is more anxious, who has a fear Frank forced them to face. Harvest who had no such fear, that Frank didn't say a word to.
Bloody lives Harvest dies. No person left to kill for revenge, just the knowledge that they are stuck undeniably alone.
#shaking them around#for the speaking over them bit yeah harvest literally interrupted and spoke over bloody to talk about how they cant change today#and aughh I can just imagine that Bloody gets redeemed and they'll say its because Harvest is gone#no longer holding him back which is true but also not#Harvest was not bad to or for Bloody they are both feral and bloodthirsty#but of the two treating Bloody as more “tameable” is absolutely fair#sun and moon show#tsams
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Moiraine and Rand, alone again, naturally - 1x08 || 2x06
#The Wheel of Time#wot show spoilers#wotedit#wot on prime#moiraine damodred#rand al'Thor#wot s2 spoilers#wot season 2 spoilers#wheel of time s2 spoilers#wheel of time season 2 spoilers#mygifs: wot#you're a cool one#never not feral about them and all the parallels between them#it makes me so sad that yet again the both of them are going into this finale thinking they are better off without their friends#at some point someone will have to gently shake them and tell them they matter outside of how they can serve others#but hey today's not the day and I feel such a sad bean about them#what hurts the most with Moiraine is that she's so convinced there is no point in trying to make herself more palatable for others#she might burn everything and everyone as long as she can accomplish her purpose#and now she can't even do that#to say I'm worried about her is putting it mildly#Rand at least is drawn toward his friends because it makes him feel good still#light you can see the relief with Mat and the disappointment when Mat didn't turn up#Moiraine's just like 'I don't deserve anything good ever again'#although the Barty convo is a step in the right direction
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Okay but for all we know Saw and his buddies picked Tech up (alive) on Eriadu.
#tech lives#okay actually for real despite the fact that I don’t think that necessarily happened#I would love to see Tech and Saw interact#because despite everything Saw hasn’t quite got to the “let it all burn’ stage#and like let’s say they met up later but before Tech has made it home and before anyone knows he’s alive#I can imagine Saw actually feeling kinda bad once he found out what happened#especially if there was some CX-ing involved#especially once it gets into ‘I need to find them I have a sister’#Saw: Oh no a sister that thing I’m sensitive about#Tech: She may still think I’m dead. She was watching#Saw: Oh nnnooo#Tech: She is thirteen years old#Saw: STOP I said I’d help you already#Saw’s Buddies: *shaking their heads*#Saw: Listen how was I supposed to know they brought their little sister on a mission like that#beeeccaaauuse yeah he didn’t know Omega was there he never saw her#I don’t think he even knew what happened#anyway I like Saw and I hope he and Tech meet up again because I think they’d both clash and get along in some interesting ways#(also like Tarkin is right there)
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I also find it funny that fandom will only accept Lyanna being her non-conforming, wild self in the context of saying that Arya isn't meant to be pretty; Any other day we get back-to-back posts about how Lyanna is actually super traditionally feminine cause she sniffled at a song once, so she's actually more like Sansa. Instead of constantly speaking on Arya and Lyanna, how about you guys reflect on why your standards of beauty for women are attached to how well they perform feminity within the patriarchy?
#lyanna stark#arya stark#asoiaf#/Lyanna isn't actually pretty she was a wild tomboy/ Those two things are not mutually exclusive 😭#how you look is not a reflection of your personality and this is also a running theme within the story#we have morally good characters who are ugly and morally bad characters who are beautiful this is like...kindergarten level#Lyanna is idealized in terms of her personality hence /you saw her beauty but not the iron underneath/#and Ned correcting Robert when he said Lyanna wouldn't have shamed him like Cersei had#he's a very shallow misogynistic character and I truly doubt he would've been as attached to the idea of her without surface level beauty#reminds me of people saying that Olivia Hussey is a bad fancast for them because she has a /doll like/ beauty and they're /rougher/ 😭#as though their entire facial structure magically changed once they realized they enjoyed playing with swords instead of sewing sdksdkdsksd#it's giving that one tiktok with the /cat pretty vs doe pretty vs bunny pretty/#even if you wanted to make the case that her beauty is idealized in her death we get Arya described a pretty multiple times?#idk it's just so wild to me to use personality as an indication of looks it just sounds so stupid#Arya/Lyanna can still have /delicate/ features (which is extremely subjective) and still have a wild personality#how about we acknowledge that the perception of both of them is warped by strict patriarchal gender norms instead?#some real analysis just to shake things up idk
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.
#my little brother is engaged :/#don’t know if any of you remember me posting about the whole situation like 8 months ago but i feel soo weird#and sad because i want to b happy for him but he’s six yrs older than her and she’s 19..#or i guess twenty now maybe whatever i feel so aggh. and he moved to a different country so i just feel like i’m never gonna see him again#like i knew this was coming they’re both super religious so i was like yeah they’re going to want to get married and have kids fast but.#it just feels crazy. i know that’s selfish but i have such a bad gut feeling about it that i can’t shake#but i can’t do anything about it so. idk. i just feel so lonely when things like this happen because i don't have anyone outside of the#family bubble to talk to about it. and obviously everyone else is like super happy for them. and it's not that i don't like her! i just#don't really? know her? at all which feels weird because we are a very close sibling group and i feel like i know & get on with my other#siblings' partners. i think it's partly like i just don't ever hang around people who are under twenty so she feels really young to me#which isn't her fault obviously but. do feel kind of scared for her getting married at twenty so she can start having babies.... idk idk#and obviously on top of that it's my younger brother so it does feel a little salt in the wound that he's moving on with his life and i am#counting it a win these days if i don't want to kms every three minutes#god it just sucks lol and i can't talk about it 2 anyone so i am venting here
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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tim rejecting kon as robin because he believes kon already rejected tim and so would be disappointed once he finds out....this is the worst ending yet...i love it....
(this scenario) listen, tim is so smart and strategic and logical and also (especially post-breakup/misunderstanding) would plan for every single outcome except the one where he is actually wanted
#like without clearing the air tim is now operating under the assumption that kon does not want tim drake#and unfortunately tim for all his aliases is also. at the end of the day. tim drake#like from his perspective there were no…how to put this…extenuating circumstances#like to tim things were incredibly easy and he hadn’t even asked anything of kon as tim; they kissed and hung out#sure kon had saved tim before but never in a way that seriously stressed or even inconvenienced kon#and tim is still learning not to see himself as Too Much#so when (to his understanding) kon decides he isn’t interested in tim before anything bad even happened#before tim ever even asked for anything or did anything obviously wrong or caused any real problems#then tim takes that to mean: the thing that is wrong is just fundamentally tim himself#there’s nothing he can do to course correct or change that#so of course in a scenario where kon asks robin out (before knowing robin is tim) tim will—in his mind—spare them both#(this is obviously not how it shakes out in the fic but it has been fun to imagine)#(and by fun i mean pangy 🫡)#asks#my fic
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i’m assuming jamie was written out for real-world logistical reasons but i don’t think he could or should have come back anyway. when the attack dog goes rabid and gnaws through his own fucking leash there's nothing much anyone can do but stand there and watch. you can train a dog to bite for you but once they've got enough of a taste for blood they're going to stop giving a shit about who they've got between their teeth so long as there's something to tear into. maybe malcolm never had jamie on a leash in the first place. maybe jamie didn't bite because malcolm asked him to. maybe he just liked the taste of blood. malcolm hired a loyal dog and got what he paid for because at the end of the day jamie stayed so loyal that it became the death of him. loyal to the party. not malcolm
#does this make sense ???? grabs you and shakes you DOES THIS MAKE SENSE#it's like. is jamie on a leash really ??? because the closer you look the less it seems that way#he doesn't back down when malcolm tries to step in and de-escalate. he doesn't listen when malcolm asks him to stop#e.g. infamous beloved life-changing julius nicholson EAT THE FUCKING CHEESE scene.#the second it gets physically violent malcolm tries to step in and jamie just fucking bolts out the door after the fucker#not to turn such a deeply unserious scene serious but it is literally like an actual dog attack#like when a dog goes rabid. the owner can stand there and try and talk sense into it but it won't work#even in that one deleted scene from s+l where malcolm's telling jamie to behave and stop fucking everything up#and it DOES seem to work a wee bit. it feels more like jamie's just trying to get malc off his back rather than actually listening#he's only backing down because what he'd been trying clearly wasn't working anymore. not because malcolm asked#and it's like it's more of a betrayal from jamie's point of view right ??#malcolm's the one who ditched the party and backed whoever he needed to in order to maintain his position#but to malcolm it's like. if he's safe then jamie is too. he'll always look out for the both of them#but HE needs to be secure in order for him to do that. jamie's supposed to bite who malcolm asks him to. not just fucking anyone#so they both feel the knife in their back but jamie was trying to do what's right. malcolm was trying to save them both#(this is just my interpretation / opinion. i don't know shit. and i'm not articulate enough to explain it)#ttoi#the thick of it#malcolm tucker#jamie macdonald
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by the way geralt of rivia is actually kind and softhearted under everything that he’s built up and cares very deeply for people in ways that he’s not equipped to express because he’s only ever been taught violence. if you even care.
#there’s a line in this story about him and yennefer not knowing how to be gentle with each other.#which i’m not screenshotting and posting on my blog cause i don’t feel the need to have photo evidence of them having sex BUT#i’m going to think about ‘neither quite knew what caring and tenderness were’ forever and ever. shaking you do you understand them#‘the witcher is about a big strong guy running around killing monsters’ it’s actually about cycles of trauma. but go off i guess#witcher reread#i can get behind geralt and yennefer actually but with the understanding that they’re actually like. fascinated with each other.#and care about each other. but SUCK at doing anything untoxic about it cause they’re both extremely traumatized#it’s a grand instant love story but both people are incredibly damaged. that’s what it’s about.#geralt of rivia#the last wish#the witcher
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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