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katsu28 · 5 months ago

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first time for everything

pairing: oscar piastri x reader

summary: a lot of things were in the cards for oscar’s first home race. he just wasn’t expecting confessing his love for you to be one of them. (3.3k)

warnings: maybe a swear word idk

a/n: my first oscar fic! not sure if i've got his personality down quite yet but hopefully i've done him justice :)

“You’re nervous.”

Oscar tore his attention from his phone camera, where he was messing with the swoop of his hair for what had to be the fifth time. He shook his head, though you could probably see right through him. “No, I’m not—I just didn’t sleep that well last night.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you were nervous for today.”

“I’m fine.”

“It’s okay to be nervous, Oscar. I’d be more worried if you weren’t.”

You were right, he was nervous about a lot of things—this weekend was his first home race, the first race you were able to attend during his time as a driver for McLaren. But the first thing he learned from competing at this level was to never let his nerves show. Put up a front, make it seem like he was cool as a cucumber so people wouldn’t doubt him, let his skills on the track do all the talking.

Normally, Oscar was good about that. But you could see right through him. You knew him well enough to know how he was feeling and how to help, even if he himself didn’t quite understand it.

The story of you and Oscar was quite the cliche, really. He knew of you through a friend of a friend and was instantly intrigued without even meeting you, managed to reach out, and the rest was history.

You hadn’t even met each other face to face until a month into your constant texting, but when you did finally find the opportunity to meet up in person, it was like you’d both found the other half of yourselves in each other. While Oscar was more of a straight to the point, cut and dry kind of guy, you managed to bring him out of his shell a little bit, to get him to expand his horizons (within reason, of course).

You were the opposite—always smiling, always happy to try new things, warm and sunshine-y and everything in between. Oscar toned you down without holding you back, reminded you to take a breather before immediately jumping into the next exciting thing, to enjoy what you had while you had it so you wouldn’t miss anything.

He’d only just gained the courage to ask you out a few months back, but it only seemed fitting that you were here with him for his first race in front of his home crowd.

“It’s a lot to process.” Oscar admitted, letting his shoulders creep up towards his ears in a shrug. You leaned against him, looping an arm through the crook of his elbow and slipping your hand into his for a reassuring squeeze, pressing your chin against his bicep. “I just don’t wanna let anyone down, y’know? Wanna make everyone proud.”

“You’re going to do great. I promise.” You said firmly, reaching up to push his hair into its perfect place. Oscar nuzzled into your touch on instinct, letting you cradle his cheek in the palm of your hand. Your thumb swept over his cheek a few times, lulling him into a sense of contentment.

“Forget me. How are you feeling?”

“I’m excited! I’ve never done something like this before.” You replied, letting your hand drop. “And kinda nervous, but it’ll be fine, right?”

“Yeah, ‘course it will.”

“Have any sage words of wisdom for a first time paddock goer?”

“Oh, you know me. Keep your head down, walk fast. There’s gonna be a lot of cameras, lots of fans, they’re all gonna want something from you. I’ll be with you as long as I can, so I’ll be there in case things start to get out of hand.”

“Can I say hi to the fans?”

“If you want to, yeah. They already love you.”

That was another thing Oscar had to be worried about. Today was a day full of firsts, it felt like, because it was also the first time you’d be making your public debut as a couple. You’d already become a fan favorite when the two of you were just friends (two very mutually pining friends, no less), but making your relationship paddock official seemed daunting.

Oscar wasn’t at all worried about what people would think. In fact, he didn’t really care. He was happier than he’d been in a long time and nothing would change that. What he was worried about was how you’d be treated. Oscar loved the fans, he really did, but there were always that handful who thought they knew him—knew what was best for him. Knew who was best for him.

If he could protect you from any harm that could possibly be aimed your way, he’d do it in a heartbeat, but things could get so very unpredictable out there. The best he could do was keep you close.

Your grip on Oscar’s hand tightened just the slightest bit at seeing the sheer amount of people outside the window. Noticing this, he rubbed his thumb along your knuckles soothingly.

“You don’t have to come along.” He said softly. You tore your eyes away from the passing crowds to look at him. “There’s a back entrance, you can go through there.”

“No, it’s alright! I’ll be fine.”

“You sure? It’s okay if you're having second thoughts, sweetheart.”

“I’m not, I promise. It’s kind of a lot, but nothing I can’t handle.” You said firmly, more for yourself than anything. Oscar squeezed your hand with a soft smile. “If you can do it, I can do it.”

“There you go. You’ll be the star of the show. Everyone’ll be like Oscar Piastri who? There’s the most beautiful girl in the world, and just some guy.”

You had to bite back a laugh at his words paired with the deadpan expression gracing his face. Oscar always seemed to know how to get you to relax.

“Well, you’re the hottest just some guy I’ve ever seen.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek, smiling at how his fair skin immediately flamed hot under your lips.

Despite your previous hesitation, you looked entirely in your element as you made the walk hand in hand, looking around with bright eyes and an even brighter smile. Oscar couldn't help but watch you take it all in, not bothering to mask the awe in his eyes as he did so. He wouldn’t be surprised if photos of him looking at you made it to fan Twitter by the end of the day.

Oscar was whisked away as soon as you got through to hospitality, giving him barely enough time to say goodbye to you before he was shuttled to meeting after meeting, press conferences and pre race interviews, a thousand things to do in the few hours he had before he had to get ready for free practice.

He was already exhausted by the time he made it back to his driver’s room, pushing open the door with a heaving sigh. You glanced up at the commotion he was making, smiling at him warmly and setting aside your phone.

“Hey, you,” You hummed, holding out your arms towards Oscar as soon as he closed the door behind him.

“Hi.” Oscar sighed, folding you into his embrace as comfortably as he could in the cramped alcove. There was barely enough room for one person on the bench, let alone you and your boyfriend with his broad shoulders. You shifted sideways to solve the problem, throwing your legs over Oscar’s lap, to which his hand immediately came to rest on your knee. “I missed you.”

“Wish I could say the feeling was mutual.” You teased. Oscar rolled his eyes goodnaturedly, giving your leg a gentle pinch that you giggled at before leaning in to press a quick peck to his cheek. “I missed you too.”

“What did you get up to while I was gone?”

“Oh, so much! I took a walk around the paddock just to check everything out, and I kinda got lost, but someone helped me find my way back eventually.” You shrugged, not noticing the way Oscar’s eyebrows flew up into his hairline.

“Wait, you got lost? Why didn’t you call me?”

“You were busy.” You said, very as-a-matter-of-factly. He blinked at you slowly, a blank expression present on his face. “I’m a big girl, Osc, I can find my way around just fine.”

That made Oscar falter. You were right. He cared so much, especially about you—so much so that sometimes he forgot you were entirely capable of taking care of yourself.

“A lot of people asked to take pictures with me. Me! Isn’t that crazy?” You exclaimed, beaming bright. “I promised one of them your sweaty fireproofs in return, but that’s beside the point.”

“You what?” He spluttered, eyes widening almost comically. His fingers froze in their fiddling with the rings adorning your fingers.

“I’m kidding, obviously. Lighten up, Oscie, jeez.”

Oscar rolled his eyes playfully. “Right, well I’m glad you’re having fun.”

“You know what would make this day even more fun?”

“I don’t think I want to.”

You stuck your tongue out at him before continuing. “Can I meet Charles Leclerc? Is that something you can pull off?”

Technically speaking, it would be extremely easy for him to pull off. All he really had to do was bring you over to the Ferrari motorhome for a quick introduction, and he was sure Charles would take a liking to you, just like every other driver you’d gotten to meet so far. You had that kind of persona; one that made people want to get to know you.

Oscar quite liked that about you. What he wouldn’t like as much was you being immediately wooed by the driver’s seemingly irresistible French charm. And yeah, you were Oscar’s girlfriend and Charles also had a girlfriend of his own, but still. Nobody wanted to see the girl they loved fawning over another man, even one as cool as Charles Leclerc.

But Oscar would never tell you that, because he loved you, and he’d do anything to make you happy.

“Uh…yeah, sure. I could probably get you an intro, if that’s something you really want.” He heard himself saying, scratching the back of his neck. His heart thudded a little harder in his chest at the way your face lit up.

“Really?”

Oscar smiled tightly. “Why not? D’you wanna go now? There’s some time before we need to be on track.”

“That would be amazing, Osc.”

“Right then, let’s go.” He nudged your legs off him, heaving himself to his feet with a groan that would usually be associated with someone much older than him. You threaded your fingers through his as soon as he finished popping all his joints like an old man, following his lead out of the room and the motorhome, all the way to the bright Ferrari red building a few doors down.

Luckily, Charles was sitting at one of the tables in the main area, so you didn’t have to look far to find him.

“Charles, mate, you got a second?”

The aforementioned Monegasque tore his attention from his phone upon hearing Oscar’s voice, an easygoing smile already present on his face. “Oscar! What can I do for you, mate?” His eyes found you next, and he nodded politely. “Hello!”

“Hi.” You said quietly, clinging to Oscar’s hand tightly. This feeling was foreign to you. You’d never been so stunned into silence by someone before, but maybe that was because you’d never met someone as well known as the Charles Leclerc.

“This is my girlfriend. It’s her first time in the paddock and she’s a big fan of yours, figured I could introduce the two of you. Y/N, Charles. Charles, Y/N.”

“Ah, yes, I’ve heard much about you!” Charles exclaimed, popping to his feet. He moved forward to embrace you, wrapping you in a warm hug like he’d known you for a long time, let alone just met you not even fifteen seconds ago.

Oscar never really understood the whole hugging thing Charles had going on. Maybe it was a French thing. Either way, the hug seemed to have shaken you out of whatever starstruck daze you were in, because you straightened up.

Charles smiled warmly. “Welcome to your first race. I trust they are treating you well over at McLaren?”

“There’s definitely a few perks.” You replied, returning his infectious smile. You squeezed Oscar’s hand as you said it, and part of him felt a smidge proud that you considered him a perk. Charles laughed goodnaturedly. “I hate to sound so forward, but I wanted to say I love your music. The way you play piano is…the only way I can think to describe it is beautiful.”

“Oh wow, you—thank you! That means a lot, thank you. Do you play?”

“A little bit, but I haven’t had much time to sit at the bench lately.” You replied, giving a haphazard shrug. Charles nodded sympathetically, like he understood the troubles of carving out time to play. “D’you mind if I ask you a bit more about your inspiration while I’ve got you?”

“Of course, yes, yes, I would love to talk about it!”

Oscar touched a hand to the small of your back to snag your attention for a second. He liked music as much as the next person, but not as much as you and Charles, it seemed. “I’ll be over there.”

You nodded, popping up on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek before returning to your animated conversation with Charles.

Now, Oscar wasn’t a jealous guy by any means. On the contrary he was always quite calm and collected, so he thought he’d be fine. Secretly a little miffed, sure. It was nothing he couldn’t handle, but actually seeing you go starry eyed while talking to Charles sparked something inside him. He didn’t know how hard he was squeezing the can in his hand until he felt liquid trickling down the sleeve of his fireproofs.

“Ah, shit.” He muttered, shaking out his arm frustratedly.

“Stare at her any harder and she might burst into flames, mate.”

Oscar glanced to his left to see Lando standing there, arms crossed over his chest, expectant brow arched.

“Dunno know what you’re talking about.” Oscar grumbled, moving to toss the now crumpled can into the nearest rubbish bin. Lando looked wildly unconvinced. “What?”

“Don’t feed me that shit, Oscar, you’re way too easy to read for me to believe you’re not absolutely fucking in love with Y/N.”

Oscar made an offended noise from the back of his throat. “I am not easy to read.”

“Mate, you’re the openest book in the history of open books right now.”

“Openest isn’t a word.”

“Whatever! Stop deflecting.” Lando scoffed, wrinkling his nose. “You love her. Tell her that.”

“I can’t. I mean, I shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“What if it’s too soon? What if she doesn’t feel the same way yet?”

“You’re kidding, right? Please tell me you’re kidding.” Lando groaned, letting his head tilt back in exasperation. Oscar squinted at him, unamused. “Oh, you’re serious? Mate, come on. Just today, in the half a day I’ve known her, I’ve seen the way she looks at you when you’re not looking. I see the way you look at her when she’s not looking. It’s obvious. You’re both obnoxiously in love with each other, and it’s sickening.”

The corners of Oscar’s mouth lifted into a grin. “Really?”

“Oh my god, yes, really. I mean honestly, how dense can you be?”

“A lot, it seems.” Oscar cast another glance at you, feeling a lot better than he had a few minutes ago. You were laughing at something Charles had said, but now all that was running through his mind was how pretty you looked when you laughed. How happy you looked talking to a person you held a lot of admiration for. Professional admiration, nothing more.

Part of him felt a little guilty. He should’ve been supportive the whole time, not sulking around being a jealous little prick thinking you would ever choose Charles over him.

“No point in overthinking it now, bro.”

“Since when did you become such a wise old man?”

“Oi, watch it, you muppet. I’m only two years older than you.” Lando huffed, rolling his eyes. “And I’ve always been wise, thank you for noticing.”

“Sure you have.”

“Tell her.”

Oscar nodded once, accepting the clap on the shoulder Lando gave him. “I will. Thank you.”

“Of course. And if you ever need any more advice, come on down to Lando’s love shack, where you can get—”

“Leave now, I’m begging you.” Lando took the hint, wandering away to go wreak havoc somewhere else, leaving Oscar alone with his own thoughts as he waited for you to finish up. It wasn’t long until you were making your way back over, practically aglow with excitement as you approached him. “Made a new best friend, have you?”

You snorted, clearly amused. “Oh, of course. We’ve already arranged to go on a double date when we’re all in Monaco at the same time.”

“Ha ha, very funny. You do know Ferrari’s one of our top competitors, right?” Oscar laced his fingers through yours once more, letting your joined hands swing between the two of you as you walked.

“You know what they say—keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Consider my blossoming friendship with Charles your way into the heart and soul of Ferrari’s strategies. You’re welcome.”

You were just joking, of course, and it made Oscar smile. Lando was right. Oscar was in love with you. He tugged you off the main path suddenly, leading you to a more secluded area between motorhomes.

“Osc? What’re you—” You were entirely cut off by him stopping in his tracks, and before you could comprehend what was happening, he was kissing you. He curled a hand around the back of your neck, the other coming up to cup your cheek gently.

It was by all means a sweet kiss, but a completely unexpected one nonetheless. Oscar had never been a public display of affection sort of guy before, so for him to kiss you out of the blue where anyone could see you…well, let's just say there was a first time for everything.

To say you were taken aback was an understatement. You let out a noise of surprise, but returned his kiss wholeheartedly as soon as you realized what was happening.

“That was new.” You breathed as soon as he pulled away, splaying your palms across the firm plane of his chest to steady yourself after he’d kissed the living daylights out of you. Oscar’s eyes fluttered open slowly, a dazed grin stretching his lips. “You feeling alright, babe?”

“I love you.”

Immediately, you beamed, lighting up faster than a bonfire on a warm Melbourne night. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it’s about damn time you said it.” You poked his chest playfully, stifling a giggle at the way he did the biggest double take ever at your words.

“You—hang on, what?”

“I was waiting for you to be the one to say it first.” You shrugged. Oscar’s brow scrunched in confusion now. “Didn’t wanna scare you off and lose one of the best things in my life.”

“So…you do feel the same way?”

You reached up, smoothing a stray curl away from his forehead fondly. “Do I love you? ‘Course I do. I think I’ve loved you since the first time we met.”

“That was a good one, I should’ve said that. You’re so much better at this than I am.”

“What can I say? I’ve got the best just some guy as my inspiration.”

“I see what you did there. That’s gonna become a thing now, isn’t it?”

“Oh, Osc,” You sighed, patting his cheek affectionately. “It already has.”

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#oscar piastri #oscar piastri x reader #op81 x reader #oscar piastri x you #op81 #oscar piastri x y/n #oscar piastric fic #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri one shot

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rafeandonlyrafe · 1 year ago

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a collection of soft moments with rafe

words: 2.4k

warnings: none?, rafe being kinda desperate... okay maybe really desperate in the last one

taglist: @drewstarkeysbae @thelomlisrafecameron @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv

“i was tryin' to fly but i couldn't find wings.” you sing along to the song, swaying slightly as you finish cleaning off the table, ears perking up when you hear the door open and close, signaling that rafe just got home, but you continued your clean, “but you came along and you changed everything.”

you feel rafe’s hands on your hips suddenly, making you jump, not realizing over the music that he had entered the room.

“you lift my feet off the ground.” taylor’s voice continues to sing from the speakers as rafe turns you in his hold. your hands instinctively go to his shoulders, smiling up at him as rafe starts to sway along to the music. “you spin me around.”

at the lyric, rafe begins to slowly spin you around the room, looking down at you with the most genuine look of love in his eyes that you’ve ever seen.

“i love you.” you mouth to rafe, not wanting to interrupt the song with your words as he pulls you closer to him, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"feels like i'm fallin' and i'm lost in your eyes. you make me crazier, crazier, crazier."

“don’t we have to leave like right now rafe?” you ask, rushing to his closet when he asked you to pick out his outfit for him. one of his favorite things to do is pick out what you’re going to wear, especially for a night out with him, and he likes to reserve the favor for you too.

“we can be late.” rafe says, still in just a pair of gray sweatpants, while you’re completely ready in a simple deep blue dress, chosen of course by your boyfriend.

you sift through his shirts, having one in mind, a blue patterned button down that would match your dress. you finally find it and pull it out, handing it to rafe to put on while you find a pair of pants that would fit the color scheme.

you watch as rafe dresses, looking to you for approval. you frown. there’s nothing particularly wrong with the outfit, but it’s just not pulling together for you.

“hold on.” you hum, knowing you should be moving faster so you can get to your event, but you honestly are enjoying playing dress up using rafe.

“try this.” you toss him a new shirt, but again it doesn’t spark anything in you.

“put on your black shoes, i’ve got another in mind.” you turn back to his drawer, hoping that the light blue shirt you’re thinking of is complementary to your own dress.

you find it on the bottom of the drawer, and hold it up happily to rafe. “look! it’s perfect!” you know before he even tries it on that it’ll go perfectly with what you’re wearing.

rafe pulls the shirt over his shoulders, but you stop his hands from doing the buttons as you take over for him, tongue sticking out of your mouth slightly in concentration as your fingers work on the tiny button.

you leave the top two undone, the event not being too formal, and liking the peak of skin. “perfect.” you say, looking at the two of you standing next to each other in the mirror.

“thank you baby.” rafe says, looping his arm around your waist. “i love spending time with you.”

you feel your cheeks flare red as you blush at his words. “all i did was get you dressed.” you try to deflect his words.

“i know and i loved it.” rafe presses a kiss to the side of your head.

“hm.” rafe says, “can you change your shoes?” you look down at your sandals, taking them off and putting a pair of converse instead. “you know, if you just told me where we were going i would be able to pick out a better pair of shoes.” “good try, baby.” rafe smiles, taking your hand as you head out the door, to whatever surprise that rafe has planned.

you get into the car, trying to tell where rafe is taking you by the drive, but it’s out into the country, so you ignore trying to figure out where you’re going and instead just enjoy rafes hand on your thigh and the music playing through the stereo.

“rafe!” you gasp as you see the explosion of colors on the road ahead. “you did not!” “i did.” rafe says cockily, obviously expecting your excited reaction.

“i cannot believe you actually brought me flower picking.” you lean over as rafe parks, pressing kisses to his cheek. “you’re the best boyfriend ever.” “i know.” rafe laughs, putting the car into park and turning his head to let you kiss him, lips pushing together in a display thats a bit overly passionate for the parking lot, but you’re just so happy that your usually closed off to the world boyfriend becomes a total sweetheart just for you.

“don’t you dare open your car door.” rafe says, pulling away from the kiss. you just smile as he rounds the car, opening your door and helping you out.

you take a deep breath of the flower scented air, eyes looking over all the different rows of brightly colored flowers.

“come on, we gotta get our jar and scissors.” rafe takes your hand in his, leading you towards the booth. there’s only a few other people picking flowers today, so there’s no line when you approach and rafe quickly pays.

“alright, baby, i already know you’re thinking about what you want.” rafe laughs, knowing he’s not really there for choosing the style of the bouquet you make, rather to be the one to cut the stems for you and hold everything.

“mmm, i’m really feeling like an orangey-red-yellow color palette.” you say, heading towards the flowers with rafe following close behind.

“rafe! come here!” you call out to him, and you hear his rapid footsteps as he runs into the bathroom.

“are you okay?” he asks, eyes searching for any sort of potential danger you might be in.

“i’m fine, rafey!” you say, waving your hands as if that’s going to dissuade his worry and take it all away.

rafe comes to where you’re standing in front of the mirror, pressing you into the sink as he pushes his chest into your back. “you scared me.” “sorry, baby.” you hum, picking up a packet from off the sink. “want to do a facemask with me?” “is this what you called me in here for?” rafe questions, looking at the plastic package in your hand.

“mhm. i’m doing one too, it’ll be fun.” rafe sighs, burying his head in your shoulder, pressing a kiss to your bare skin, glad that you’re only wearing a tanktop so he has more access. he considers saying no, but he just can’t deny you what you want.

“fine, but no pictures and don’t tell anyone about this. ever.”

you squeal in happiness, ripping open the package and directing rafe to bend down that way you can place the sheet mask on his face, choosing a brightening one for him while you’re going to go for hydrating.

you giggle seeing your boyfriend, who plenty people consider scary, in the skincare. he glances in the mirror with a frown.

“you look super cute.” you say. “now let me put my mask on then we can sit on the bed and watch tv until it’s time to take them off.”

“what is all this for?” rafe questions, not expecting to come home to the counters filled with baked goods.

“oh perfect timing!” you say, heading over to rafe and giving him a quick kiss on the lips in greeting.

you place your hands on his shoulders, steering him towards the island. “sit down, i need you to taste test everything for me.” “i would be more than happy to do that baby but um-” he pauses, eyes once again moving over the multitude of cupcakes decorated in different ways, along with cookies and some pastries he doesn’t know the name of.

“oh, right!” you giggle, placing a cupcake in front of him. “i decided to enter a baking competition.” “really?” rafe asks, peeling the wrapper off a cupcake and taking a bite, his eyebrows shooting up. “well, you’re definitely going to win, this is delicious.” “really? be honest rafe, don’t just say that because i’m your girlfriend.” rafe shakes his head, taking another bite. “no seriously babe.” you let out a little squeal in happiness, clapping your hands together as rafe chews more. “okay, but stop eating that, you’re going to get full and i have a lot more i need you to try.”

you take the plate holding the cupcake away from rafe, sliding a different pastry in front of him. rafe eats it, again complimenting you as you cycle through the different things you’ve made while he was away.

“here, this is a pumpkin puff pastry.” you give him the next dessert.

rafe happily takes a bite, but his face suddenly twists. he covers it up quickly, but not before you’re able to tell.

“you don’t like it?” you ask, and rafes heart breaks at your big eyes looking at him, so upset.

“no, it’s really good, i just-” rafe grabs the glass of water you got him, taking a sip to wash down the treat.

“i just am not a fan of pumpkin.” rafes words don’t seem to make you feel any better, so he turns on his stool and pulls you into him, placing your body in between his legs.

“princess, i’ve loved everything you made, you’re absolutely going to win this baking competition, gorgeous.” “you really think so?” you ask, reaching your hands up to play with the collar of rafes shirt.

“of course.” he leans forward, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “now whats next for me to try?” rafe asks, even though his stomach hurts from how much he’s eaten.

rafe presses another kiss to your cheek, making you look up from the book your reading. “what is it baby?” “nothing.” rafe shakes his head, but takes the now closed book out of your hands and sets it on the coffee tables. you can’t hold back a giggle as he takes your hands and brings it up to his face.

“do you want some attention?” you ask, rubbing your thumbs over his cheeks.

“mmm.” rafe just hums, closing his eyes as he finally gets what he wants. you scooch over on the couch so you’re sitting closer to him, your thighs pressing together.

you move a hand up to play with rafes hair, making him drop his head against the couch, cheek pressing into the cushion. you lean forward and kiss the tip of his nose, admiring his blissed out face now that you’ve finally got your hands on him.

“gimme a kiss.” rafe says, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you onto his lap.

you melt into his body, enjoying the soft knitted sweater he’s wearing and the way it feels against you.

you press your lips against rafes, letting him take the lead in the slow and easy kiss, taking pleasure in the way his lips glide over yours.

you pull away after a minute, resting your head against rafes forehead. it’s a rare moment of complete peace, where rafe is calm and relaxed. you hate to break it, but you eventually stand up, giving him another kiss on the lips.

“where are you going?” rafe asks, reaching out and tugging on your hand.

“i’m going to go take a shower.” you say, feeling gross with your oily hair, plus, you really need to shave, the prickly hairs are starting to bother you.

“okay, i’ll join you.” rafe stands up to follow you, but you place your hands on his chest with a shake of the head.

“usually, i’d love for you to join me, but i’ve got… girly stuff to do.” you decide that it’s a good enough explanation, but of course it doesn’t dissuade rafe.

“okay and?” he deadpans, making you roll your eyes.

“just not this time, rafe.” you start to walk away, up the stairs to your bedroom, but rafe is right on your tail.

you decide to ignore him, heading into the bathroom and beginning your shower prep, deciding to do a hair mask while you shave, getting out your razor and creme from the counter underneath the sink.

“i’ll turn the water on for us.” rafe makes a point of using the pronoun.

“baby.” you groan, placing your products on the shower bench. “i don’t want you to just stand there and watch me shave! i love you but i need a minute alone, okay?” “fine.” rafe leaves the room quickly, swinging the door shut behind him. you sigh and rub your eyes, but turn the water on to heat up.

time passes quickly as you go through your extended shower routine, your phone playing music from it’s place on the sink counter. you finish up, feeling completely refreshed and clean. you pull the robe rafe got you around your body and head out of the bathroom.

“rafe?” you gasp, seeing him sitting on the floor next to your bed, his knees pulled up to his chest, head slumped forward.

“baby!” he picks his head up suddenly, but you can still read his emotions how upset he is.

“hey, hey, what’s wrong?” you kneel down in front of him, leaning forward to kiss his forehead. his eyes are ever so slightly red and you wonder if he’s been rubbing at them or if he’s been crying.

“i-” rafe takes a deep breath, “i hate being away from you.” “oh, honey.” you heart breaks, and you lean forward to wrap your arms around rafes shoulders, who drops his knees so you can get closer. “if i would have known it was that big of a deal, i would have let you shower with me, i just didn’t think you actually wanted to see me like shave and stuff.”

“next time you’ll let me in?” rafe asks in a soft voice that breaks your heart.

“of course.” you take his face in your hands, angling it to press a kiss to his lips. “i love you.”

the spark in rafes eye is finally back. “i love you too.”

#writing ghostface rafe so this was a refreshing break from that lol #needed to get out of him being a LITERAL SERIAL KILLER and write some cute bf rafey lol #rafe fluff #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x reader #rafe x reader #rafe fanfic #rafe fic #rafe cameron one shot #rafe cameron blurb #rafe fanfiction #rafe one shot #rafe imagine #rafe cameron x you

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channiechxn · 7 months ago

Text

Small Book Trope: Hyung Line

Non!Idol Stray Kids x Reader

Hello everyone! I don't post much but this little idea came to mind when I was on vacation! I hope everyone likes these little drabbles! Enjoy!!

Bang Chan

Chris sighed as he closed the door to your shared apartment. “I’m home.” He muttered while taking his shoes and sweatshirt off. It had been a long day of work and he was ready to settle into his well deserved vacation. The two of you decided to turn your phones on airplane mode and just spend the week lounging around and enjoying each other's company.

Soft music played from the end of the hallway. He made his way to the bedroom, his muscles slowly releasing the tension built up knowing he was so close to being in your arms. He had to bite back a laugh when he saw you. Your jaw dropped slightly as you turned page after page, reading the climax of the book. He stood there for a minute before breaking the silence, “Whatcha reading, love?”

You jumped up, almost losing your place. You glared at him, “Jesus, Christopher! Don’t scare me like that! Announce yourself next time.”

“Actually, I did. You were just too immersed in your book to hear me.” He laughed as he began to strip, changing into more comfortable clothes.

You playfully pouted before marking your place. “It’s not funny.”

“Yes it is. Look at you, you want to laugh at yourself.” He said slowly crawling up the bed. You hummed with a small smile before putting the book to the side, opening your arms wide so he could lay down on your stomach.

You began running your fingers through his hair. Smiling at the satisfied groan. “I missed this. I missed you.” He said after a few moments of silence, placing soft kisses on your stomach. “I waited all day to have you in my arms.” He continued as he shifted in your grasp, slowly inching up to your breast. “I waited all day to feel you.” Blush creeped up your neck as he began to kiss your collarbone. “I waited all day to kiss you.” You groaned as he claimed your lips. Chris smirked as he pulled you down to be underneath him. “Now, I get to have you all to myself for a week.”

Lee Know

You giggled as Soonie once again headbutted your book. “Excuse me, I’m reading that.” You said to the cat before going back to the page. The enemies were finally confessing their love for each other in the most angsty way and there was no way in hell you were waiting until later to read it.

Minho watched you out of the corner of his eye as he began folding down some of the empty boxes, leaving a few for the cats to play in. It took a good couple weeks after he had asked you to move in, to actually move you in. Work was keeping the both of you busy so when the day came that you both had a day off together, you jumped at the opportunity to grab the moving truck.

As expected, you had unboxed the few boxes that contained your most precious items, your books. He never fully understood what the obsession is but he found it cute when you would try and explain the story’s plot to him. He smiled when you yelled out Soonie’s name as he moved the boxes by the door. “Min, what are you doing? I thought we agreed to leave those for tomorrow so the cats could play.”

“I left a few.” He replied before heading to the kitchen to start on dinner. He glanced to the side as he head your soft footsteps behind him.

“Mm Min,” you began as you wrapped your arms around his waist. “You worked so hard to help me move in. Why don’t we order in and I can tell you all about my book.”

He leaned into your touch. “I like the sound of that. If I sit there and listen can I have some dessert?”

“Celebratory dessert? I like the sound of that. What were you thinking?” You asked, looping your arms around his neck as he turned around to face you.

“I was thinking you.” He laughed as you playfully punched his chest, hiding your blush.

Changbin

“Changbin…” you sighed. You looked at him with concern as he gave you his cute smile. “I don’t know about this, honey.”

“It’ll be fine! I promise I can handle it if you think you’re gonna be too heavy.” Your frown deepened. You were scared about that, especially knowing your body leaned a little more to the bigger side. Your boyfriend wanted to work out and you wanted to read, but because of how little time you’ve been together, he came up with the idea that you sit on his back and read as he did push ups. Changbin took your face in his hands before placing a kiss on your forehead. “Let’s just try it, please? If I start hurting I promise to tell you.”

You placed your hands over his and pouted slightly. “Promise?”

“Promise.” He placed one more kiss on your forehead.

You groaned. “Fine. Let me go grab my book.” You laughed as he let out a noise before yelling that he’ll set things up. By the time you came back in, he had a mat set up, water and some snacks for you. “Been planning this for a while?” You asked, shocked at the set up.

He nervously laughed as blush crept up his neck. “Maybe.” He said shyly. “Anyway! I’m gonna get in a push up position and when I give you the go ahead, you’re gonna sit on my back.” You gave him another nervous look. He sighed. “Baby, I promise to tell you if anything is going wrong.” You sighed before motioning him to get into position. You giggled as he did a few push ups for a warm up before getting as low as he could.

You hesitantly sat on his back cross legged. “How are you feeling?” You yelped as he began his exercise. You waited a few before beginning to pick up where you left off.

You were really getting into the characters betrayal when you heard panting. You got off immediately and went to grab his water. You frowned as you took in Changbin’s state. He was on his back, catching his breath. Sweat dripping down his face. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me you were getting to your pushing point?”

Changbin gave you a tired smile, sitting up and taking the water you held out to him. “It was a good burn. Did you not enjoy it?”

You took a seat next to him, looking at how much reading you had done. You managed to get a good amount done. “I did. It was nice to have actually spent some time with you. I would just prefer to sit somewhere else next time though.” Changbin’s face began to burn as he smirked at you. You gave him a confused look before hiding your face in embarrassment. “Get your mind out of the gutter!” You sunk further as he laughed.

Hyunjin

Silence surrounded the two. The only noise being made was the turn of pages. To anyone else, you would look like a normal human being enjoying a good book. To Hyunjin, you looked like an angel. An angel he called his. You were his muse. He found inspiration in just about everything you did. Whether that be bringing flowers home, the desserts you would make with Felix, or just lounging about. This was one of those times.

He sat across from you on the couch, sketch book in hand. He sat there drawing you from every angle he could capture. He would make faces if he didn’t capture something right. He wanted this, you, to look perfect. Just like he saw you. Absolutely downright beautiful.

After finishing yet another chapter, you grabbed your bookmark to finally stretch your limbs. You looked over at Hyunjin when he whined. “What’s wrong?”

“You moved.” He replied as he erased a part of the sketch that made him unhappy.

You raised an eyebrow before moving toward him, your joints cracking on the way. Before you could peek at his sketchbook, he quickly turned it away from you. This shocked you. “You’re not gonna let me see it? You always let me see your drawings.”

“Not right now. I’m not done. It has to be perfect.” You hummed. You’ve never seen him this determined on a sketch before. You muttered an ‘okay’, moving to the kitchen to grab a few glasses of water. You cursed as you tried to get a look at the book, Hyunjin skillfully evading it from your view.

You sighed as you walked back over. You gave him a kiss on top of his head before setting the water down. He muttered a ‘thank you’ before watching you settle back into your spot, immediately grabbing your book. You watched him with slight curiosity before diving back into your book.

You closed your finished book, tiredness seeping it away behind your eyes. You yawned and snuggled into the couch before looking at Hyunjin. He looked between you and the sketch book before moving closer to you. “Thank you.” He muttered as he placed a sweet kiss on your lips.

“For what?” You asked, tiredness present in your voice as you held your arms out for him. He quickly accepted the invitation, shifting you around until you laid on top of him. He placed a kiss on your head before grabbing the sketchbook. Your eyes widened as you took the picture in. It was of you reading. Your hair flowing beautifully around your face, your features delicately drawn into the page. You hardly recognized yourself. If anything, Hyunjin made you more beautiful. “Hyune, this is beautiful.”

He widely smiled. “It’s my favorite piece of inspiration you gave me.”

“You’ve definitely captured me a lot prettier than I am.” You said quietly as you gently traced the outline of your face.

“No, I don’t think so.” You turned to look at him as he took the book from you. “I captured perfection, a muse. My muse. This is what I see everyday when I wake up next to you.”

Tears began to cloud your eyes as you looked at the sketch again. “I love you, you know that?”

He kissed a tear away. “And I love you a thousand times more.”

Taglist: @yxngbxkkie @mxnsxngie

#stray kids imagine

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luckylarvae · 1 month ago

Text

RED GIANT, CHAPTER ONE

Heya, so this is an ISAT loop fanfic I’ve been thinking about writing for a while, called “Red Giant”. Heavy spoiler warning for In Stars and Time by the way as well as SASASA. For context this story takes place at the end of SASASA. This is my first time really writing in literature format, and my first fanfic thing as a whole, so it's going to be really rough at first but I hope as this progresses I get to improve. Hope this is at least mildly entertaining! Let’s just see how this goes, and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.

“This is our chance! Our chance to end everything once and for all!!”

Mirabelle stands in front of the king, mid battle and looks back at you. Finally something changed, something changed!!! You move out of the way as fast as you can, as Mirabelle powers you up. After all these constant, never changing loops you can finally be free, finally escape this eternal purgatory you’ve found yourself in and finally end everything! After having to suffer through this hell, of playing an actor who dies onstage over and over and over again, there's finally an end in sight, just, one, more, attack!! You raise your arm up, you summon all the craft energy you have, every single little bit of strength you have, and throw it at the king, and a bright flash of white completely overwhelmes the room.

When you open your eyes, the room is no longer surrounded by stands of hair, no longer dark with the presence of the king. It is white, clean, empty. Your party and you stand in shock for a moment. Did you really do it? After all this time?

“Did… did we do it?”

“...He’s gone.. We did it?”

“Sif, we did it! He’s gone! The King is gone!!! Hahahaha!!!”

Isabeau and the others smile at you. Isabeau, your friend, your comedy partner… your

“But…”

Before you can say something, Bonnie blurts and and shouts

“Holy CRAB THAT WAS SCARY!!! WE DID IT? WE DID IT!!!!”

The little sibling of the group, the one who kept you all going…

Odile perks up and says “Haha… hahahahahaha!!! Oh, it was close for a second there!!!!”

The women who understands you the best, observant to a fault

“Oh, Oh, what a relief…!”

The Savior of Vaugarde, the reason you are all here…

“Sif, Sif, Siffrin!!!” It’s over! We won!!!”

“... We won…?”

The fighter, no no Isabeau continues to beam “We won, Sif!!!!! The country’s okay, everything’s gonna be okay now!!!”

We, won?

We, WON???????

You won, you won you won you won you won!!!! Tears start to well up from your eyes and you you wipe them away.

Mirabelle looks at you and says “Oh Siffrin… It’ll be okay Siffrin. We prevailed. We’ll all be able to go back home!”

Isabeau looks at Mirabeele and responds: “I can’t wait to tell my old job friends that I’ve helped save the country!”

Bonnie jumps and says “I gotta go back home and see if my sister’s okay!!”

Odile sighs “Finally, I’ll be able to go back to my research.”

It’s over, it’s finally over. Finally, the adventure is over. Mirabelle can go back to her house of change, finally Bonnie can reunite with their sister, finally Isabeau can pursue his dreams of being a fashion designer, finally Odile can continue her research. Finally, you can go… home? You can go… home.

Home

You start to taste sugar on your tongue

Mirabells puts her hands together in gratitude “ See Siffrin? We’ll all be fine now. There’s nothing to worry about anymo–”

You vision shakes for a bit. You can feel your heart being tugged. No, no, nononono NO!!! NOT NOW!

You feel and your entire being gets thrusted back. You see you and your party rapidly repeat the actions you had just done. You see yourself launching your craft energy at the king, your friends look at you as you get the key, first try, You see yourself, walking into the castle, and then-

You find yourself with your vision black, body… sprawled out? You wake up, in the middle of a field. The shades of the grass in an almost circular pattern, with trees shaped the same. You feel the wind pass by over you, something you have not felt in a long, long time.

A familiar voice cries out to you

“Ah, Siffrin!!! Huh? Siffrin, were you… were you… TAKING A NAP????!???!”

“I.. I supposed thats… Yes you’re right! I should follow your lead on this one! We’d better get some sleep while we can! Since tomorrow…”

Your heart sinks to the bottom of your chest, fear and terror gripping every single muscle of your body.

“We’ll have to fight against the king!”

…

You fall into a haze.

You had done it

Everything was perfect

YOU HAD DONE IT

You defeated the king, you cried in front of your friends, YOU SAVED VAUGARDE-

But it wasn’t enough

It was never enough was it?

You were never supposed to get out

You are forever trapped in, in a hell of your making.

With these puppets

With you, as the eternal actor

You can’t take it anymore.

Pain throbs through your body, it almost feels as your guts are spilling out, something you’ve felt countless times at the hands of the king

But you only find yourself crying instead.

You don’t want to do this anymore, no more loops, PLEASE FOR WHATEVER GOD YOU’VE FORGOTTON’S SAKE, FOR THE UNIVERSE’S SAKE YOU CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

You give up.

And just lie there.

Mirabelle leaves you behind.

Time pases.

It is the next day. They try to get you to move, their fake fingers and ther fake pleads and their FAKE tears.

They leave you alone, and go to die in the fight against the king.

You feel nothing.

A few loops go by

No more, no more no more no morenomorenomore

At the start of the new loop, you look at the wish tree. This damn tree. You plead in front of it. You don’t care anymore, you don't care for this superficial life with these superficial friends. You plead, crying, god, not anymore!!

LET IT BE OVER, LET ME OUT!! PLEASE, UNIVERSE, SAVE ME, HELP ME!!!! Someone… Anyone, help me!!! PLEASE!!!!!!

And the universe answered.

You watch as a leaf falls down, and glows ever brighter. It morphs from a leaf, to a flame, to a bright shining star. It falls down growing bigger and bigger until it falls down into your hands. It feels… warm… welcoming.

You feel… safe

For the first time in a while. As you look down on it, you feel one command in your head

Eat

And you do.

You feel warm in your chest.

What happened? You aren’t exactly sure, but maybe things will be… different? You aren’t really sure why you did that, you probably shouldn’t eat random star things that float down in front of you. You sigh, and start to talk away from the tree. You start to walk away and–

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

It feels as though you’ve been directly stabbed by a red hot dagger, splicing apart your body. You look down, and see that in place of your normal cloak is a giant, glowing star-shaped hole. Your cloak begins to burn into ash, and you collapse into the ground. The pain is unbearable, you fall onto the ground, clutching your chest in pain. You look at your skin, and what should be your regular light shade of skin, is a black abyss with tiny glints of light within.

Your “friends” rush towards you, as they probably heard from all the screaming you’ve done when this started. The Housemaiden shakes your shoulders,

“SIFFRIN, WHAT’S WRONG?!?!? WHAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU, OH CHANGE-”

Before you can respond, A blinding pain strikes out from within your skull, You thoughts cloud, you can’t quite process what is happening. This is most definitely the worst headache you’ve ever experienced, it feels almost as your head is about to burst.

And then it does.

You find yourself in a black void. You don’t know where you are. You feel... Different. The structure of your body has... Changed? You look down upon yourself, and instead of the body you’re oh so familiar with, it's wrong. You build, the shade you are, the giant star on your chest. Something has gone wrong. Your head feels weightless, and as you reach towards your head, you can’t really exactly feel where your face begins and ends.

But worst of all, something else changed. Something far worse, something terrible. Something far more important.

You can feel that your personality has been permanently changed.

#im so fanfic core now!!!#god im such a nerd #this isint very good but i gotta get the brain worms out somehow #ive always wondered what the sif to loop transformation always looked like #anyways ill continue this if I feel like it #first image is art by me btw #yay #uh be nice #anyways thats all for now goodbye #isat #in stars and time #isat siffrin #loop isat #fanfic

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the-travelling-witch · 5 months ago

Note

Hello ^-^, I really love the way you write Jade.

I just read your "You light up my World" fic (I just love fics with the twin in their merform in general) and it reminded me of a fanfic idea I once had. I read that you don’t take requests but that we can send you ideas. So I thought that as a fellow Jade lover maybe you would like this scenario as well. And if you're a fan of angst/comfort ;)

"Jade going swimming with his human s/o in the coral sea or visiting his hometown, a beach etc. Then at some point s/o gets attacked by a shark (preferable without any bitten off body parts) and Jade protects them."

[re: you light up my world]

ahhhh thank you so much!! you may have heard of the saying that the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach, but the way to my heart is through telling me you enjoy the way i write characters >///<

speaking of my heart, these slimy tweels have wormed their way in there and i can’t see them getting out anytime soon (not that i’d want them too ofc)

and thank you so much for reading and respecting my rules!! it sounds like such a normal thing but you’d be surprised, so thanks!! ^^;

also yes i am your resident angst enjoyer and have killed both the character and the reader-insert on more than one occasion, so maybe the body part thing is a good thing to tell me; i unfortunately don’t have much time to write in general atm, so i’ll just give my first impressions and thoughts on the scenario you provided

needless to say, i’ve made up soooo many self-ship scenarios where i get to visit the twin’s home, we needed a coral sea hometown event like yesterday

to say that jade would be ecstatic to show you his home would be an understatement, though of course it is as always masked behind a carefully calm demeanour.

he’d love showing you around the place he grew up in, from his room, to his “house”, to abandoned shipwrecks he used to play in and his old school where the twins met azul.

all the while, he’s grinning as he pulls you along, even more subject to going along with his whims now that you’re reliant on him to get around. not that he minds, of course, no the notion that you’re helpless without him… would admitting that it excites him make him a bad person? fufufu, most people seem to think of him as such already, so he might as well indulge, right?

actually, it’s kind of unthinkable that jade would leave you alone for long enough in an area where you could be attacked and he has more foresight and strength than to let something like the current rip you away from him.

but the fact is, it did happen and figuring out who or what to blame for the situation is the last thing on either of your minds as the dark grey body looms above you.

so far you’ve very narrowly avoided the predator, only grazing your arm on its sharp teeth but the pain and the bone-chilling crunch of its jaw snapping something else in half send waves of adrenaline through your body. you have to calm down, you know that, or you scared mind will make reckless decisions but that thought just panics you more to the point where you heart feels like it’ll jump out your chest.

in a morbid stroke of luck, however, there’s someone who knows the smell of your blood far better than any common shark could and he latches on with frightening precision. sure, jade might not be able to deter the shark on size alone but he is fast and uses its fixation on you to drag his sharp claws over the side of the shark’s face, darkening the waters with more blood before the shark swims off with its injured eye.

to you the resolution feels too quick, the threat too fast gone for the feeling of imminent death that ensnared your heart seconds ago. jade, who is used to the violence of his home, very carefully loops around you in the familiar way he always does, giving you something to ground yourself on as he stirs you away from the incident site.

by the time you arrive at his home and your wounds are dressed, you’ve calmed down enough to actually process what had happened and you tear up in residual fear. despite your environment, jaded notices and curls around you protectively, holding you and stroking his webbed hands down your trembling back.

it’s only when you start apologising for not being careful enough, that you endangered him too when you scarped your hand on an old nail that he gently shushes you. instead, he offers his own apologies for not being there to protect you in the first place and how the responsibility naturally falls to him considering you are way outside of your element.

for the rest of your stay, jade is even more careful with you, opting to show you around the shallower parts of the coral sea. not only are the bright waters around the atlantica museum a very pretty sight or stargazing from the ocean shore a lovely date idea, there are also far less dangers around and most creatures are way more scared of jade up here.

the moray is also even more attached to your side now than before (you didn’t think it was possible but here you are). determined not to let your stay in the coral sea be tainted by this incident, he’ll do all the safe activities with you to calm down; be it hand making jewellery from shells and pearls you’ve collected or looking at the bright and colourful plants and schools of fish around.

yes, jade is used to the violence of the deep sea. and yes, normally, it always thrilled him. however, he managed to find something so precious none of the treasures sunken to the sandy ocean floor can compare and he’s determined to keep you by his side.

#┊✩彡 divine correspondence ♡#┊✩彡 unsigned letter ♡#woah very messy writing jsjsjhs #i won’t even proofread that lol not subjecting myself to that #anyway i hope this is somewhat along the lines of your own ideas #thank you again for the kind words :]#twisted wonderland #jade leech #twst x reader #jade leech x reader

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metalhoops · 1 year ago

Text

Like a lesser hero in a fantasy tale, the night was cut clean in two by the dull glow of a flashlight beam, flanked by two boys. It was an odd pastime but a familiar one to them. They had grown at home in the strange dark places of the town, aware of what might be lurking in the shadows between the pines.

Eddie, the first boy, with his hair and clothes as black as the forest floor, shook the silent woods with the intermittent clatter of his stainless-steel rings on the metal shaft of the light, his makeshift weapon. Each ring was a treasured yet well-worn possession. The ear of the pig ring and the temple of the skull were permanently scratched from the repeated action.

Steve, the other boy, was more prepared. He came brandishing a baseball bat, its wooden body a sister to the surrounding trees with a halo of gnarled nails, hinting at the more sinister air of their surroundings.

Unlike Eddie’s fantasy games, the backstory didn’t matter. It was the reason the boys were there, of course, but it was also the imminent threat they didn’t wish to speak of. In their shared pasts, there had been portals to other worlds, monsters beyond human comprehension and near-death experiences that’d brought on the winter of Eddie’s life, and the spring of Steve’s.

Eddie had spent the past month jumping at shadows in the corner of his new bedroom or in the woods beyond the trailer park. Steve, on the other hand, had bloomed beautifully and brutally before Eddie’s eyes. Before the Upside Down, he would look at Steve and all he’d feel was ire, righteous indignation and a small yet frustrating, pang of lust.

When he looked at Steve in the yellow glow of the torchlight, he saw a man who’d come when Eddie called, in the middle of the night, with haste and a plan. He saw someone who believed in him or at least, cared enough about him to go willingly into the night when Eddie had reported seeing sinister shapes shift past his window.

It was enough to get Steve to leave the confines of his isolated mansion and slum it with the poor folk down in the proverbial trenches. Eddie now saw a man he very well might be in love with. Jagged shadows cast by stray branches sliced across his face, resembling the snaking vines of the Upside Down. The boys had barely escaped the place and every moment after felt as though they were living on borrowed time.

“What’d you say we do one more loop past the old train tracks and call it a night?” Steve asked, at last, his body sticking close to Eddie’s side. He felt a pang of guilt for dragging Steve out of bed, again, just to find nothing.

“We can head back now, I’m probably going crazy, man.”

“No, I wanna check. Otherwise, it’ll bug the hell outta me. We’ve all been a little crazy after everything we’ve been through. I mean, I’ve almost died like ten times. Think the eleventh time might be the one that sticks- you know?”

It reminded them of another night, in another world. It had been a quick yet intimate conversation with a stranger. If we get out of this, Eddie had thought at the time, I might actually want to get to know this guy. Months had passed. He still felt like he didn’t know Steve enough to say what he wanted to say, but Steve needed to hear it.

“That’d be a real bummer, you know? If you died. I wouldn’t have anyone to go on long walks in the moonlight with.”

The two boys had fallen out of step with one another. Steve had charged forward in the semi-darkness leaving Eddie a few paces behind.

“Nancy would come with you. After the first time, when Will and Nancy’s friend went missing, she’d swing by my house, and we’d sit on the deck chairs watching the pool. Honestly, you might be better off with her. She’d bring a gun,” Steve spoke, tossing the jagged bat from hand to hand, with the skill of an ex-high school sports star.

“Why is it you and I always end up in the woods trying to set each other up with Nancy goddamn Wheeler?” Eddie spoke disbelievingly as he jogged to catch up with Steve. He laughed, his hand bumping Eddie’s side as the two fell back into step.

“She’s not my type, Stevie. You can have her,” Eddie tacked on, trying to defuse some of the tension that had arisen between them, skimming his light amongst the trees.

“I don’t think she’s my type either. Well— not anymore. We tried it. It didn’t work out. We wanted different things,” Steve admitted.

Once they reached the train tracks, Steve surveyed the old wood and rusted metal. The place also had history. He could smell freezer burn and rotten meat on the breeze. When looking at Eddie’s profile he felt a sudden charge to the air like the calm before a thunderstorm.

He thought of a conversation he’d had years before with Dustin on those very tracks. He knew with sudden certainty why he’d hauled himself out of bed in the middle of the night, once again to chase Eddie’s hunches. He and Dustin had been talking about love. He gave himself the same advice he’d given the kid all those years before.

Don’t fall in love. It’ll only break your heart.

“Right, you wanted that whole hoard of kids and an R.V. vacation thing? Three girls, three boys. A whole brood of Harringtons,” Eddie breathed, kicking up dirt and leaves with his shoes. Steve shot Eddie a perplexed glance, surprised he’d been listening and shocked he’d remembered the statement word for word.

“Right, yeah. I know, make fun all you want, dude. It’s crazy I know.” Once more, they fell out of step.

Eddie stopped while Steve kept walking, playing the role of a funambulist, his hands outstretched as though standing at a great height as he walked foot over foot across the thin metal.

“This might surprise you Steve but for once I wasn’t going to give you shit,” Eddie replied, walking beside Steve, jumping from wooden beam to wooden beam.

The metal track gave Steve a good half inch of height, making it so that for once the two weren’t eye to eye. Eddie kept flicking the light between the vast track ahead of them and the empty woods behind. He still felt as though any moment something could burst through the cracks in the earth left in the wake of the quake and drag them back down into Eddie’s personal version of hell. He couldn’t help but think of Steve’s words. The eleventh time would stick. Eddie didn’t know what he’d do without him.

“So, what do you want?” Steve asked, shaking Eddie from his thoughts. When his answer didn’t immediately present itself, Steve continued.

“I mean, you know what I want. Six nuggets, touring the country. What do you want?”

The question startled a scoff out of Eddie. It wasn’t as though anyone had bothered to ask him that before. He didn’t know.

“I’ve got no clue. I’m not like you. I don’t sit around thinking about the future. I’m just trying to get through today,” Eddie confessed, speaking more candidly than he’d intended.

“Alright. You don’t know what you want to do with the rest of your life. That’s pretty normal, but having nothing? Dude. You’ve gotta have something. Let’s start small. What do you want to do tomorrow?”

“I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind having breakfast with my uncle and spending some time with the kids and the band. Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll get to see you, hopefully under some better circumstances,” Eddie explained as Steve misstepped, almost falling from his perch.

He corrected himself, placing an outstretched hand on Eddie’s shoulder for balance. Eddie tried not to preen beneath the other boy’s touch.

“I like the sound of that,” Steve confirmed, daring a glance at Eddie.

The storm within him continued to brew. Eddie’s plans for whatever small future stretched out before them involved Steve, which was more than he’d gotten from anyone else.

Nancy wanted a career in investigative journalism. She wanted to change the world for the better. It was a noble goal. One Steve had admired endlessly but he couldn’t help but feel like a small child asking for a seat at the grown-up table when trying to compete with the hopes and dreams of Nancy Wheeler. For her, he would’ve changed his dreams to play a small part in her life, but he’d come to realise that wasn’t a good way to love.

Every relationship Steve had went to hell eventually. He didn’t want the same fate with Eddie. He wanted to continue walking the fine line between friendship and whatever awaited them on the other side of the electric storm. Steve didn’t know if he was ready for all the complications being in love with Eddie would entail. It’d wreak havoc on his sense of self and take a hatchet to his dreams of white picket fences. That was on the slim chance Eddie felt the same way about him.

When Steve looked at Eddie he felt as though he were back at the bottom of Lovers Lake. To love Eddie was to drown beneath the crushing weight of possibilities.

“You okay?” Eddie asked, a hint of concern in his tone.

It was only then that Steve realised he’d stopped walking, his knuckles turning white as his fingers dug into the fabric of Eddie’s jacket.

No. Steve was far from okay, but he couldn’t voice it without ruining everything.

“I need a minute,” Steve muttered, stumbling back from Eddie, removing his hand as though he’d grabbed the wrong end of a hot poker.

He’d moved on instinct, forgetting where he stood on his precarious perch. He tumbled ass backwards off the train tracks, trying to save whatever sense of dignity he had left by scrambling to his feet quickly. He heard his bat clatter to the forest floor as he headed off into the woods, unsure of his direction. He needed space to sort his head out.

There were only two ways Steve knew how to face a crisis; two base and primal instincts, fight or run. Eddie wasn’t a wayward creature that devoured cats or a schoolyard bully. He couldn’t punch himself loveless and doing anything to hurt Eddie was worse than torture.

Steve wanted Eddie to hit him. It’d shake loose some of the tension in his chest at the sight of the boy’s brown eyes; the eyes that reminded Steve of the deep warm wood that was fashionable in homes during his childhood. The familiar floorboards of the entryway where he’d lay with Tommy after hours of swimming, drip-drying on the wood, warping it to the shape of their bodies.

Eddie’s eyes reminded him of home. Not the place he’d grown up in, but the sensation one felt when they recalled a fond memory, years removed from context and complications. Steve couldn’t imagine a future where Eddie would hurt him, even if that’s what he wanted.

He did what he did best. He ran away.

Without Eddie’s flashlight, the woods were a gaping maw of some unseen creature. Even the breeze on the back of his neck felt warm. Steve collapsed at the base of a tree and searched his pockets for a lighter. He didn’t bring his cigarettes but there was something soothing about the weight of the object in his hand and the repeated action of sparking the flint and extinguishing the fire with a twist of his wrist.

Steve heard approaching footsteps signalled by the crunch of leaves underfoot. He prayed Eddie wouldn’t ask why he’d run. If he asked, Steve knew he’d tell him. Then they’d both be screwed.

Steve tried to spark the lighter again, but no flame would ignite. It was out of lighter fluid. Just his goddamn luck.

“Steve?” Eddie’s voice echoed through the trees.

The direction was all wrong. Eddie’s call came from a distance. The footsteps were close. Right goddamn on top of him. Fuck.

Steve acted fast, fumbling in the underbrush, trying to find a weapon. He grabbed a stray branch with enough heft to wield. He was good at making use of what he had. He held the wood aloft, scrambled to his feet and fumbled with the lighter, desperate to get one last spark out of it. He knew how much the creatures hated fire. In a way, he was thankful that he knew what he was dealing with for once.

The swiftness of the footfalls and the length of the shadows cutting through the blackness let him know within seconds he would be face to face with a full-sized Demogorgon.

Steve felt the creature before he saw it. A sudden force collided into his body knocking him from his feet. He had just enough time to get the jagged end of the stick between himself and the creature. He felt the branch wade into the creature’s soft flesh.

Eddie called his name once more, drawing the creature's attention away from him. Steve had an opening.

His trembling hands flicked the lighter again. This time, for a brief and brilliant moment, it sparked. He shoved the naked flame against the creature's wound. He wasn’t sure if he’d hurt it or just made it mad. It thrashed and writhed, grabbing at Steve’s body, and pounding him into the damp earth. Now Steve had its attention.

He tried to strike out but this time the monster was too quick, its body bared down on Steve and before he knew it, he was face to face with the monster's strange unfurling flesh mouth and razor-sharp teeth. So, this was how he’d die.

“Mother fucker,” Eddie muttered as two shifting figures caught his attention.

Steve was pinned to the ground by something that looked fresh out of his nightmares. The others had told him there were more things out there than the bats and demonic, skinless hell-wizard they’d faced but Eddie’s mind had never been able to conjure a creature that would match the true beast before him.

Steve was doing his best to keep the creature at arms-length. A rotted wooden branch cut at the palm of Steve’s hands and had gone straight through the thing’s body. Eddie scoured his brain, trying to remember everything he’d been told about the creature. Heat. They hated heat.

Eddie had grabbed Steve’s bat as he followed him. He’d wanted to be the kind of person who could give Steve space but every fibre of his being had told him to chase after the boy so he had.

He dropped the flashlight to free up a hand and searched the pockets of his jacket, thankful he always had his lighter handy. He knew Steve would be pissed if Eddie torched his favourite weapon, but desperate times called for desperate measures. He’d rather have Steve pissed than not have him at all.

He set fire to the bat, throwing more hellish shadows over the wicked tableau of the snarling beast and the desperate boy pinned beneath its grasp. The smell of burning wood and flesh hung heavy in the air. He had the element of surprise on his side.

The flaming bat collided with the creature’s skull sending it reeling. It let out an inhuman whaling that scattered the nightbirds. Eddie readied the bat to swing again, expecting the beast to charge. Instead, it ran off into the blackness of the night. It’d finally happened. What they all knew had been inevitable. The Upside Down, and in turn Vecna was back. Though for now, he and Steve had brought themselves time.

Eddie watched as Steve sat wide-eyed but seemingly unharmed. He guessed Steve Harrington had more lives left in him yet. Thank Christ.

“Please tell me that looked as badass as it felt,” Eddie breathed trying to alleviate some of the tension between them.

He dropped the bat, snuffing out what was left of the flame and moved unthinkingly to pat down Steve’s body, checking for wounds. He had a gash on his forehead and a split lip, but he’d live.

“It looked pretty badass,” Steve confirmed and froze as Eddie’s hands raked through his hair.

“You’ve got something in your...” Eddie’s voice trailed off as he pulled a leaf out of Steve’s hair, holding it aloft in front of his face.

Steve’s eyes glanced from the leaf to Eddie before tentatively reaching out, his hands searching the planes of his body, dancing cautiously over the barely healed wounds that’d once littered his side. Steve was checking him over.

“I’m okay. You okay?” Eddie assured holding up a hand before reaching into the back pocket of his jeans.

He pulled out his bandana and inched forward to wrap it around the gash on Steve’s head. The boy cringed beneath his touch. Eddie muttered an apology.

“I’ll live,” Steve confirmed leaning back, trying to get some space between them.

Eddie hadn’t realised how close they were. He shifted back, remembering with sudden clarity that Steve had practically begged Eddie to give him a second alone. He wasn’t willing to do that, given they’d already run into one hell beast that night. There could be others. He did something uncharacteristic. Eddie Munson sat with Steve in silence.

They sat in stillness for so long that the birds and insects returned to the woods around them.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie spoke when the silence was too loud. He didn’t know what he was apologising for, but he couldn’t think of anything better to say.

Steve looked up at the boy with alarm.

“What’re you sorry for?” He asked, feeling as though he was caught in another echo of the past.

He remembered a seemingly endless car ride to Nancy’s house, trying to find ways to apologise for some transgression he wasn’t sure he’d committed. He’d wanted to apologise because he’d loved Nancy and he’d been scared of losing her.

He wondered what motivations were behind Eddie’s apology. He worried that The Upside Down’s strange relationship with time had leaked into Hawkins, that some pasts were destined to repeat.

“I don’t know,” Eddie admitted after a breath, letting out a nervous laugh.

“I’m sorry for doing whatever I did to make you go all space cadet on me. Tell me what I did, and I can tell you I’m sorry,” he continued.

Steve was certain at that moment, Eddie loved him too. It was already too late to change things. They were trains on a track, their futures seemingly already locked in place.

“You know if you want someone to talk to about whatever’s going on in that head of yours, I’m here Steve,” Eddie kept pushing, unable to take Steve’s silence as an answer.

His tone was so soft, sincere and unlike anything that Steve expected from the boy that he couldn’t help but speak the words out loud, despite his better judgment.

“I love you.”

Eddie had thought he’d been prepared for anything, but he hadn’t been prepared for that. It was then that Steve let out a strangled sound between a scoff and a groan.

“And it's screwed now. I always mess it up.”

Eddie could hardly hear the boy’s voice over the rush of blood in his ears. His heart was a high-strung choir, singing the same repeated tune, ‘Steve loves me’. When his common sense kicked into gear, he noted the panic in Steve’s eyes and knew he needed to say something.

“I love you too,” Eddie managed, feeling both heavier and lighter.

He’d never said it before. He sure as hell hadn’t pictured a world where he’d admit he loved a boy before they’d started dating. Steve was moving at a breakneck speed and Eddie was desperately trying to catch up. To his surprise, Steve hardly stirred at the confession.

“I know,” Steve admitted sounding broken as his eyes met Eddie’s. He gave the boy a tight-lipped grimace. All of Eddie’s momentary joy fell just as it’d begun to soar.

“Please tell me that was a Star Wars reference,” Eddie whispered, earning a real smile from Steve. It was soft and fleeting as freshly felled snow on a warm palm. He knew despite all of Steve’s posturing, he was a huge nerd when it came to science fiction.

“Eds, my track record...” Steve’s voice trailed off.

Eddie realised the thing Steve had been dancing around. They were still talking about Nancy goddamn Wheeler in the woods.

“Stevie,” he breathed, for once at a loss for words.

He was a storyteller, but he didn’t want to give Steve a story. He couldn’t promise him a world where everything was perfect. They lived in a land of blight and monsters, a time of trouble. The town was still after Eddie’s head on a pike and Steve was running out of goodwill with those that’d once called him king. He wanted to show Steve what they were.

Damn the past. Kill all possible futures. All they had was the brief and infinite present.

Eddie wanted to show Steve what they could be at that moment.

He crossed the space between them, pausing for a breath, leaving room for Steve to push him away. When no such protest arose, he placed one hand on Steve’s cheek, the other cupping the nape of his neck.

“I’m not good at this either,” Eddie admitted tentatively.

He’d kissed guys before. It’d always been desperate and sloppy. He didn’t want loving Steve to feel like an afterthought as it had with the other men.

“But I think it’s worth a shot,” Eddie concluded.

He’d laid everything out on the table, all that was left was for Steve to pick it up or turn it down.

Steve didn’t surge forward. Instead, he moved achingly slow. One hand landed on Eddie’s thigh, the other tangled in his hair. He gave a gentle tug to pull him that last inch closer.

Eddie’s lips were wind-chaffed and cool, melting ice on bare skin, shocking and a good kind of painful. Steve’s face had the faintest hint of stubble, it was rough as the rocks, and forest foliage beneath their bodies. He smelled of wet earth, blood, and faded cologne. Their hands traced each other’s topography with fingers, lips and tongues, toppling over in the process.

When they pulled apart the whole world seemed to hold its breath. The wind was still. The night was silent. An invisible audience waited with bated breath for a conclusion.

“Christ,” Eddie choked, hand fluttering dramatically to his heart. It was a kick drum in his chest.

Steve’s hand followed, sliding beneath Eddie’s shirt.

“Christ,” Steve echoed with a goofy grin. Eddie loved him. The thought came easily. It was the only thought populating his mind.

“We should probably, you know, shelve this and try to stop the world ending... again,” Eddie proposed, trying to think straight.

“Only if you promise to take me on a date after,” Steve countered. He pulled himself to his feet and extended a hand to Eddie.

“Me take you? You’re meant to be the ladies' man with the killer dates,” Eddie argued, falling into step with Steve easily.

“Exactly. It’d be nice to be the one getting the flowers for a change. Technically you’re the one who wanted to give this a shot. I’ll get the second date.”

Eddie scoffed disbelievingly. The cocky bastard. He’d never picked Steve as someone who liked flowers. He’d give Steve a garden, a forest, a kingdom.

“Alright, save the world. Buy you flowers. Go on a first date. Go on a second date. Seems like I might actually have a plan for the next few days down pact.”

“And after that?” Steve prompted.

“If you want me to say six nuggets and a Winnebago you’ve gotta buy me dinner first.”

#steddie #steddie ficlet #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #ficlet #metalhoops writes #this was originally #meant to be for the poetry poll #but the story went in another direction #as always my stories run away with themselves #I feel pretty proud of some of the lines in here #also I just want to state #when Steve's worrying about not getting #his white picket fence if he's in a queer relationship #that doesn't mean it's not possible #I just imagine the guy would have a clear idea #of a nuclear family in his head #so he might have to tweak his dreams #it's still the 80s #But I do think Steve would be scared shitless #when he realises he's in love #because of all the stuff with Nancy #and his conversations with Robin #about striking out with girls and #not wanting to get into another relationship just for sex #and he's just as much of a 'runner' as Eddie canonically #also I wanted to have a life in strange style #interaction on the train tracks #also complete with all the metalhoops bingo card tropes

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reigningqueenofwords · 3 months ago

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Captain America

Pairing: Steve x Reader, Bucky x daughter!Reader

Part 24 of Looking for the Captain

Blinking, you were confused to find yourself in your room in the tower, and there was morning light coming through the window. “What?” You sat up, running your hand through your hair. Looking over at your clock, you saw it was just after 7. You’d slept the entire way home, through being carried into the tower, and through the night. “JARVIS?”

“Yes, miss?”

“Who is here?” Were the others home? Were they safe? Your heart was pounding as you waited for his answer.

“Everyone, miss.”

You woke up at that, grinning. “Is everyone okay?” Quickly slipping out of bed, you rushed to your closet to change.

It took a moment for him to answer. “There were a few minor injuries, and a few broken bones. However, nothing dire.” He assured you.

That took a huge weight off your shoulders. “Oh, thank God.” You breathed. “Is anyone awake?” Would you have to wait to see them?

“Mr. Barton is the only one sleeping. Everyone else is in the dining room.”

Once you were done changing, you rushed to find them. Goliath wasn’t with you, so you assumed that he was with Steve. The elevator moved far too slow for your liking, making you antsy. The door was barely opening before you slipped through, down the hall, towards the dining room. Steve stood up and laughed as you jumped up on him. Your legs wrapped around his waist as your arms were around his neck. “I’m so glad you’re all back.” You breathed.

“Do I get a hug like that?” Nat grinned.

“Would you like that?” You chuckled.

“Eh, you look comfy. I’ll let you keep being a kuala.” She teased. “And we can have some girl time later.” She enjoyed seeing how happy you were.

Finally, you relaxed and let him put you down. “Does your dad get a hug, too?” Bucky asked playfully from right behind Steve.

Moving around your boyfriend, you hugged him tightly. “I’m glad you’re safe.” You told him as he hugged you back. “Let me get something to eat and you can tell me how it went. Not details. Just…basics.” You added as you pulled away. “I don’t need to hear the nitty gritty.” You chuckled before you turned to go get food. A bagel and cream cheese was what you were aiming for. “Hey, guys? Where are the bagels?” You called out, annoyed that you couldn’t find them.

Nat peeked into the kitchen. “Sorry, we ate the last ones day before yesterday.” She explained. “It’s on the grocery order.”

You made a face. “That’s a bummer.”

“Can always just DoorDash one from that little place down the street.” She pointed out. “Oh, go get dressed. Me and you can go get breakfast and then do some shopping to celebrate!”

That did sound like a good time. “I can’t say no to that.” You chuckled. “Gimme time to shower, too?”

“Of course. Meet me in the lobby in half an hour?” It was obvious that she was looking forward to this.

“Deal.” You gave her a quick hug before heading back to the dining room. “Okay, we have no bagels. So, me and Nat are gonna go get some breakfast and do some shopping.” You told Steve and your dad. “Maybe the three of us can have lunch together? And then everyone can have dinner together?”

“Planning a party for tonight.” Tony reminded you as he walked in. “It’ll be way better than when you guys went to the club. Because you can get drunk in comfortable clothes and pass out anywhere.” He grinned. “And there will be no cameras! Which is always a plus.”

You wouldn’t be partying with the others, and didn’t know how the hell to tell him that. “Right. Have fun planning that.” You teased. “I’m going to shower before heading out with Nat.” You crouched to give Goliath some pets. “Be good for Steve, because I know you’ll stick to him like glue.”

“I’ll walk with you to your room.” Steve offered his arm as you stood. “Help you pick out what you want to wear.” He claimed, but really just wanted to talk to you.

“I would like that.” You looped your arm with his. “Date night soon? We’ve never actually been on one.” You noted as the pair of you walked towards the elevator. “Maybe one where we can dress a bit nicer than usual?” The idea of him in some nice slacks and a button down was a very nice one, especially with his beard.

He smiled and nodded. “I’d really like that. Get a dress today while out with Nat.” Hopefully now that you wouldn’t have to look over your shoulder, the pair of you could have a (mostly) normal relationship. Or as normal as you could with who he was. “So, I’m assuming you’ll need to retest since the cabin was blow-”

“Clint saw it.” You cut him off, looking down. “I had meant to throw it away, but I spaced out. He had gone to the bathroom while I got us a snack.” Letting out a breath, you were kind of thankful you got the chance to tell him when it was just the two of you. “He came into the kitchen saying ‘so, looks like we’re gonna have a tiny Cap around, huh?’. All I could do was say ‘guess so’. He just took it that I’m scared. Which, I am.” You couldn’t lie. “I explained that I hadn’t even looked at the test. He felt bad when he realized that I didn’t even know.” You were doing your best to not tear up. Again. How was he going to react?

Bucky knew why Steve wanted to walk with you to your room, but couldn’t say anything. You didn’t bring it up, and it wasn’t his place to let the others know you might be pregnant. “Hey, Stark?”

“Yes?” He glanced up from his tablet as he sipped his coffee.

“What would it take to plan a trip to Disney?” When Tony raised an eyebrow, he rolled his eyes. “For Y/N. I know she’s really into horror, but I know she also likes Disney. She’s been through hell. Her entire life was thrown into chaos. It’s over now, and I have to tell her that her mom got killed. Would be nice to maybe plan a trip for her.” He shrugged.

“Not a bad idea.” He admitted. “Let me get that all set up.” With that, he went back to his tablet. He was doing his best to not think about how you were going to react to the fact that your mother was dead. From what you’d told them, you’d been pretty close with your mother before that letter was delivered to you. “How about I set up for you, Capsicle, and Y/N/N to head there in a few days, and you’ll get a week. We’ll join you and we’ll all do a week before heading back.”

“I like that idea.” He agreed. “We’d been bonding pretty well at the cabin. Hopefully we can keep that up.”

Steve froze as your words sunk in. “You are pregnant?” He breathed.

Swallowing, you nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry.” Although, it technically wasn’t your ‘fault’. It took the two of you to make this baby. You couldn’t help but chew on your lip. “I don’t know how this will work with you being Captain America.” Would you, and the baby, lose him on a mission?

“Buck wants me to quit.” He rubbed a hand over his beard.

You whipped your head up to look at him. “He does?” When did they have that conversation? “What would you even do ?”

“He suggested being an artist. Pointed out that people would love to own my art.” He shrugged, motioning for you to exit the elevator first. “Or going to school for something so I can still ‘fight for the little guys’ where I’m not putting myself in danger.”

“Don’t you love being the Cap, though?” You asked, feeling like if he stepped away from the shield, you’d be taking something from him. The guilt would kill you.

“Yes and no.” It was complicated, and he wasn’t sure how to explain it. “I like being the symbol, kinda. I don’t ‘like’ fighting, but I like standing up to bullies. I think the world needs Captain America.”

That you could understand. “Could you pass that title on to someone else and be okay with that? I’m not telling you that you need to stop being Captain America. That’s your choice. But, if you’re not happy, would that be a choice?” You wondered as you opened your bedroom door. There had been no hint that he felt this way. Did he not think he could open up about it?

He thought about it as you moved around your room to get clothes. “I wonder who I could pass it to.” He mused, honestly toying with the idea.

“It would obviously have to be someone you trust.” You noted. “And someone that you feel could step into that role, but I think it would have to be someone that’s not a super clean cut copy and paste version of you. No offense, but the world has changed since the 40s. Maybe someone you trust, that you feel could give people hope, but is clearly not perfect?”

Steve gave you an amused look. “I’m not perfect, doll.”

“Close enough. Especially to the public.” You countered easily. “Does anyone come to mind?”

“I would honestly say your dad.” When you looked shocked, he laughed. “What’s with the face?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know who I was expecting, but for some reason he didn’t cross my mind?” You admitted. “I don’t know if he would go for it, but you can talk to him about it. If he declines, who would your second pick be. Please don’t say Clint because I think that’s more than my brain could handle.” It was clear you were joking about it because this was a serious topic. Lightheartedness was needed.

Steve was quiet for a moment. “Sam. I could see him or Buck taking the shield.” His hands was on his hips, a pose you saw in pictures of him in uniform. “Should I talk to your dad while you’re out with Nat?”

Walking over to him, you wrapped your arm around his waist. “Maybe wait until I tell him about the baby. Or he’ll know something is up.” You suggested. “But, it’s entirely up to you.” Pushing yourself up on your tiptoes, you pecked his lips. “I’ll tell him after lunch. I can’t wait too long. I need to tell the others or they’ll be wondering why I’m not drinking at Tony’s party.”

He held you close to him, his thumb rubbing your back. “How about we announce it at dinner? You can talk to him at lunch, then we can announce it at dinner?” He was nervous as all hell, but he wouldn’t show you that. You were likely way more scared than he was. “And maybe we can move you and Goliath to my floor?” He asked, hopeful.

“You wouldn’t get sick of me?” You grinned.

“Never.” He promised.

Tagging:

@vicmc624 @hisredheadedgoddess28 @otterlycanadian

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kiliofdurinsline · 8 months ago

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So I'm at work yesterday, just finishing up a shift, cleaning things up for transition to the closing crew, when my barista comes out of checking the bathrooms in a RUSH and is like ‘SHRAPNEL THERE’S A SPIDER ON THE BATHROOM WALL AND IM SCARED’

Now context: I am afraid of spiders. I Do Not Like Them. BUT! I also have a variant of the Mom Friend Override that I call Manager Override – if I’m the senior-most person on shift, I can take care of horrid things. If my SM is there, I pass the buck to her, but if not? I can do so many things I cannot normally do. I can deal with a nest of cockroaches. I can scrub ecosystems of mold out of trash cans.

So I’m like, I’m rough, I’m tough, let’s see this spider. “Show me,” I say. Barista takes me into the bathroom and points at the far wall. I look at it from a safe distance. “Yep,” I say, “that’s a spider.” It’s one of those nasty chunky-legged ones, thick black body and thick legs you can see clearly distinguished from one another.

Another important context: we just got a nice new vacuum in the store. I have no idea what prompted this purchase, as we usually just sweep & mop. It mostly chills in the back of house just existing. But we have it. And in thinking over how I want to deal with this Very Large Chonky Spider, I remember this vacuum.

“Ah-ha,” I think to myself, “I’ll just vacuum the fucker up and be done with it!”

“I’m gonna vacuum it,” I tell my barista. “But then it’ll be alive in there!” “Nah, the big one should have enough suction, it’ll kill him getting through all the filters to the bin thing.”

I bring said vacuum out to the bathroom. Lobby’s a little busy, but no one pays me any mind as I wheel a normal household vacuum into a café bathroom. I’m wearing a Nametag and am walking with Purpose – no one questions me.

I plug in the vacuum by the sink and creep closer as I unwind the cord. “Your minutes are numbered, buddy,” I tell the spider as I unhook the hose. I ready the hose and hit “On”.

Immediately the spider starts running up the wall. “Fuck, he’s fast,” I think, and no sooner has the thought crossed my mind than the spider lifts. off. the. damn. wall. I jump back, horrified, terrified, ready to scream several choice curse words as the Fucker starts swirling around the room like the Wicked Witch of the West in mildly panicked loop-de-loops.

And then it dawns on me.

It was a Fly the entire time.

(my barista spent the next 30 minutes apologizing profusely as I slowly calmed down from my panic spiral and got both my breathing and my heart rate under control. I got home and immediately said "boy do i have a story for yall" to my entire family)

#about me #i call this story #'and then it was there interposed a fly'#but you gotta go title last or it kills the joke

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kalpasio · 10 months ago

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Beauty and Decimation

Everyone Has A Plan

A Kalpas x Reader fic loosely based on Beauty and the Beast, Chapter 6, the last chapter below!

Elysia is standing at the front gate when you get there. It only took you a few minutes to grab all your belongings and throw them in a bag; you had come here with nothing after all. She was looking out into the distance, and you saw a flash of lightning that seemed impossible given the lack of rainfall. Maybe an omen?

“Are you going out to the town?” You’d been so lost in thought, the girl’s voice made you jump and drop your bag. “Is Kalpas joining you, or do I get you to myself for once?”

“I figured since the curse was broken you’d all be leaving. I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

Elysia hummed and looped her arm through yours while picking up your bag. Slowly, she started the trek back to town while talking. “We may have been stuck here for some time, but this is still home for all of us. I’m sure we’ll all enjoy this new freedom for a week or so, and then be right back to our old habits. Besides,” she laughed a little, “could you imagine what would happen if Kalpas were to try living with other people?”

“I’d rather not,” you grimaced. “Why were you out here then?” The path was becoming steadily less overgrown the further you got from the castle gates, and it was starting to make you nervous. If Elysia noticed your tightening grip, she didn’t say anything.

“Just saying goodbye to Mei. It’ll be a few months before she visits again, so I want to spend as much time with her as I can.”

“I’m surprised she would leave,” you did your best to keep the bitterness from seeping into your tone. “Now that the curse is gone, I mean.”

Elysia gave an overdramatic sigh that was more of a whine and pouted. “I tried asking her to go to the village with me, but she said no! Can you believe her?! Our first date not trapped in that stupid palace and she says no!” You froze in the middle of the path to watch as she took her arm back only to wave it wildly in frustration. “I know two months isn’t that long when we’ve both waited thirty years but still!”

“Thirty years?”

“Thirty years! We’ve been together for thirty years and that grump Kalpas finally grows a heart and now she leaves!” Elysia crossed her arms and huffed. “So unfair. At least you’re here to keep me company.” She grabbed your hand and started walking again, but turned when you stayed rooted in place.

“But...I’m leaving?” You couldn’t have sounded more confused if you tried. Elysia gasped so loudly you almost crushed her hand in surprise.

“You can’t leave me too!” For a moment you thought this was going to be the fight with Mobius all over again, half expecting Kosma to appear out of nowhere. Then she gasped again, louder this time. “Ooh Kalpas is going to be so mad! Why are you leaving?!”

“I thought he—” you paused. “Didn’t Mei—” You thought the curse was broken. That he and Mei had come to care for each other through their constant violence, and that you were just in the way. But now you were being told Mei only came here for Elysia and was only coming back for Elysia and Kalpas didn’t even seem to know.

“The curse shouldn’t come back,” she said, just as lost in thought as you were. “But Aponia is smarter than that…”

“No,” an unnervingly calm voice caused you both to whip around to face the new speaker. “The curse won’t come back. I thought of this possibility, but it seemed unlikely.” This must be Aponia, given how intimately she knew the curse. From all the stories you’d been told, the image of her in your mind was much more hag-like than the woman before you now.

Her appearance was angelic, in direct conflict with the ‘fire and brimstone’ theme you’d come to associate with Kalpas. If Su gave off an air of tranquility, the sorceress gave an air of calm that had your hair standing on the back of your neck. It was almost like a false sense of security that you could see straight through.

“Kalpas isn’t one to feel emotions half-heartedly.” Aponia continued, and it was only now that you noticed how she hovered a bit off the ground, forcing you to crane your neck to look up at her as she got closer.

“It’s most noticeable with his more...violent urges, but the same holds true for other feelings. Kalpas clings to those he cares for just as tightly as he clings to grudges. If this hundred-year experiment does not make that clear, I do not know what will.”

“But Mei left?” Your question wasn’t aimed toward anyone specific, but Aponia picked up on your confusion first.

“Mei left,” she nodded. “One of the residents here was outside the castle when the curse took hold. She has gone to inform him of his new freedom.” Seeing that the furrow had yet to leave your brow, she continued. “You were the one to break the spell.”

Shock overtook your features upon hearing those words. Somewhere to your left, Elysia was doing a poor job concealing her giggles which Aponia politely ignored. “Please,” it almost sounded like she was begging, but you doubted whatever the request was, that you could refuse. “Do not abandon him. I am surprised he did not stop you from leaving thus far. Don’t break that trust and walk away. Broken hearts do not mend so nicely as broken bones.”

You were still stunned. Even now, more than a full day later, you had yet to process Aponia’s words.

Elysia had turned you around and steered you straight to Kalpas’ room but he wasn’t there. It was late enough that you figured he had gone out to slaughter any Honkai that unwittingly came near him. A nasty stab wound wasn’t going to stop him from fighting. All it did was force Sakura to trail behind him—at least according to Rin.

Breakfast had been Kalpas-free, as had lunch. At dinner, you were joined by Hua and Su (an odd pair but you enjoyed their company) who told you Kalpas was recovering from his wounds. He was clearly struggling with the transition to being moral again, more so than the others.

The sun had set and dawned a new day, presently at its highest point in the sky as you sat down for lunch. You had gone to the kitchen to help Sakura and promptly been shooed away. The poor woman looked more than a little fed up. She was the only one willing to put up with Kalpas’...well, being Kalpas, so you took a deep breath and offered to cover for her today. This would mean confronting the emotions you had spent the past day avoiding, but you doubted that Kalpas would leave any room for awkwardness. He simply couldn’t be bothered to care about that emotion, and so, for him, it wasn’t an issue. You, on the other hand, had a head full of worries and a heart full of fear.

Aponia couldn’t possibly know exactly what had been happening in the castle (though it felt like you were thinking that more than you actually believed it). What if she was wrong about you being the one to break the curse? What if Kalpas had changed since she knew him and now letting things go wasn’t so hard for him—what if he had feelings for you that only lasted a moment? What if the curse hadn’t been specific enough and Kalpas ‘caring’ for you only meant he wasn’t constantly thinking of setting you on fire?

What if you turned around right now and headed back to the kitchen? That sounded like the best plan.

The past few months (aside from Mei’s visit) had been too good to be true. This had to be the end. Maybe you could get someone to travel to the next town with you so you could start a new life? Many members of the castle had already left—Vill-V and Pardofelis booked it day one, Kosma and Griseo leaving soon after. Elysia had a date waiting for her and Sakura was loyal to a fault, so those two wouldn’t leave anytime soon. Su and Mobius hadn’t expressed any desire to leave (not that you would travel with the latter); but Eden and Hua had.

Lost in thought, planning your escape with one of the girls, you only noticed where you were after you’d doomed yourself by unconsciously knocking on the door you had been dreading this whole time. Kalpas isn’t one to say anything in acknowledgment, you had learned that a few months ago when you were sent on a wild goose chase because of his habit.

You spent an hour wandering the grounds, assuming he hadn’t answered because he was busy elsewhere. He argued that you just open the door anyway if he doesn’t answer and you know he’s in there, so why bother knocking in the first place?

Debating with the prince is like talking to a brick wall, so you let the subject be and a few seconds after knocking, you were pushing the door open, throat tight with anxiety and your grip on the handle even tighter. Inside, you found that Rin was the only thing stopping Kalpas from tearing his stitches open for what must have been the fifth time. It was easy to guess the topic of conversation—Rin’s plans now that she was free—and equally easy to tell that her audience was more invested than he appeared.

She sat at the foot of the bed, Kalpas propped up against the headboard with his head tilted back, almost looking asleep. Seeing you enter had the girl standing to drag you over in a heartbeat. For a ten-year old, she was surprisingly strong, and you nearly upset the plate of food that brought you here in the first place.

Rin led you to the side of the bed, using both hands to urge you to sit where she wanted you. Unfortunately, this spot meant you couldn’t see both of them at the same time without bringing your legs up on the bed and sitting crisscross-applesauce. Putting your back to Rin felt incredibly rude when she was the only one talking and your heart couldn’t bear the sad face she would undoubtedly make. Not that Kalpas was a better option. Turning your back on him felt like signing your own death certificate, and your goal here was food delivery, not funeral planning.

To your surprise—and horror—Rin made the decision for you, claiming she needed to help Sakura clean up the kitchen. Whether it was to take a break or because she truly had chores, you didn’t know. But you had been abandoned. With Kalpas. A man completely oblivious to the tension growing with each passing second spent in silence. Holding the plate with trembling fingers, you wracked your brain for any possible topic of conversation.

“I heard Rin talking about her plans.” You hesitated, wondering if your question was too personal. Wondering if Kalpas ever made plans. “Do you have any ideas for the future?”

When you first got here, his response—almost certainly—would be to tell you to buzz off. Now, however, his response was silence. Truly a demonstration of growth, you thought sarcastically.

“Where are you going?” His question caught you off guard, even if it was presently at the forefront of your mind.

“I’m not sure. I suppose that depends on whether I’m allowed to stay or not.”

Kalpas rolled his eyes, “Where would you go?” The accompanying scoff and condescending tone had you bristle, and you almost wanted to lie and name some random village out of spite.

“I’m not sure,” you repeated, eyes narrowed at him. “Maybe I can find a place a few towns over.”

“The horses could use a good run.” Kalpas took the plate from your hands and turned his attention towards the food, making it seem he was done with this conversation.

Was that it? Take a horse and get out?

Your eyes were wide with hurt, and you hesitated in making your hasty escape long enough that you heard the second half of his response.

“Su won’t let me leave for several more weeks. We can leave once he gets his head out of his ass.”

Irritated, you stood from the bed and pointed an accusatory finger. “Su does not have his—what do you mean ‘we?’”

“His head is so far up—”

“Stop being mean to Su!”

“Tell him to stop keeping me here so we can leave then.” Kalpas smirked at your frustration, and you knew he was only interested in seeing the rage grow in your eyes, but that knowledge didn’t make you immune to his jabs.

“He’s trying to stop you from dying! And since when are we travel buddies?” Completely ignoring your question, Kalpas continued to fan the flames.

In your defense, the back and forth between you both lasted long enough for him to finish eating before you boiled over. Even shouting in his face couldn’t get rid of his grin, and when you finally caught on to how close you two were, it was too late. Kalpas had a not-so-gentle hand behind your neck pulling you down to his lips.

The sudden movement forced you to plant a hand on his chest to avoid completely falling over, and while normally you would be elated to kiss the prince, you were far too angry and concerned with the blood already soaking the bandages. Leaning back, you hardly had a chance to breathe before his lips caught yours again. It took very little convincing for you to resign yourself to spending the rest of your day right here and it wasn’t long before you settled into Kalpas’ lap to ease the angle of your neck. His other hand burned with a gentle yet persistent warmth on your thigh, and he still hadn’t lost that infuriating grin.

No longer propping yourself up, you could run a hand through the singed ends of his hair; and, more importantly, you could grip the white strands to stop his lips from chasing yours when you needed air. This brief pause gave you a chance to notice the blood now staining your own clothes as well as the sheets and that put an end to the moment, despite Kalpas’ protests. For his sake (and Su’s—the poor man did not need any more grief from his patient) you stayed in the room, only changing the bedding after the wounds had been redressed.

Unsure how to start a conversation after all that happened, you stood by the bed awkwardly fiddling with the blanket, pretending to smooth out the already perfect edges. Kalpas staring at you wasn’t helping, but at least he was merciful enough to speak first this time.

“What town are we traveling to first?”

“I don’t have anything in mind, really,” you answered truthfully. It clearly wasn’t the answer he wanted, however, because he smacked your hands away from the bed and matched your glare with one of his own. “I haven’t ever left my hometown to be honest. Never had a reason to.”

“We should go there then.” Kalpas didn’t hesitate with his response and he didn’t waver when you shook your head ‘no.’

“That’s not really traveling, is it?” you gave a nervous laugh. Exploring could be exciting, but you’d rather spend the rest of your life cooped up in this castle than face the men who had driven you here in the first place. “Besides,” you reasoned, “everyone there thinks I’m dead.”

“All the more reason to go,” Kalpas leaned back and closed his eyes, decided in his answer.

“I left to get away from those people.”

“All the more reason to go,” his voice dripped venom, his wild grin was back, and you were certain that if he looked at you, there would be fire in his eyes.

“We are not going to my home and killing people!” In response to your shouting, Kalpas pulled you to his chest over the covers and hummed.

“You should get some rest. Su says it’s good for you.”

“No, it’s good for you because you’re injured. I’m not changing my mind. You can’t just show up with a ghost—a hundred years after disappearing no less—and then go around killing people.” He grunted this time, but you were not at all convinced he was giving up. “Kalpas—”

“Go to sleep.”

You grumbled but otherwise did not argue. If you were being honest, it was only through frustration you had stayed awake this long. The warmth at your back and the plush mattress below had your eyes drifting shut despite your best efforts. With a bit of shuffling, you slipped under the blankets and sighed.

“We’ll find somewhere else to go tomorrow.”

“If you say so.”

“Good night Kalpas.” He said nothing, but a squeeze from the strong arms around you, had you falling asleep with a smile.

don't worry about the fact that kevin is never mentioned, it's fine. he's fine. Also thank you for reading this story! <3 I know I'm a lil rusty after waiting so long but I'm hoping to at least sorta get back in the groove of things. I'm already working on the next fic and potentially half way through writing it? So it won't be weekly updates like I used to do but I'm aiming for 2 weeks or monthly? just not vanishing again I guess

#kalpas x reader #honkai x reader #azaryawrites #tamalethebear #cross posted on ao3 #x reader

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not7wu · 1 year ago

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Chapter Seven: House of Cards

Recap: Dinner with Tae is enlightening, and things are starting to look up! You even get to meet Jin's brother and sister in law, as well as their adorable niece. Counting dinner as a success, you can't wait to be reacquainted with old friends and spend more time with the rest of the boys.

On the ride home, even though it’s late, Tae convinces you to come over. You mentioned never seeing Itaewon Class which he took personal offense to, since it features his OST and his Seojoon-hyung. Tae insists that this has to be rectified immediately and what better way than to have a slumber party marathon. You accept his proposal even though you're pretty sure you're going to pass out within the first half hour anyways. When you get to their condo, all the boys are still up.

Hobi rounds the couch to squeeze you in a hug. “You guys came back so late!”

You snuggle into his hug as Tae baits the boys, singing, “Guess who we saw?”

“Well, where did you go?” Namjoon asks.

“Ossu Seiromushi,” Tae says.

You feel Hobi stiffen, his limbs wooden around you. You don’t know what’s wrong with him, but you try to soothe him, squeezing him a bit tighter. “Hobi-oppa–?”

“Y/N, give them a hint!”

You reluctantly pull back from the hug and catch a glimpse of Hobi’s face before he retreats to hug Jimin on the couch like some sort of lifeline.

“Y/N! Hint!” Tae demands. You shove him in playful annoyance as he dances a circle around you. Closing your eyes, you take a dramatic deep breath to ready your performance, just because you know it’ll make him happy.

Making sure you have everyone’s attention, you announce, “The most beautiful girl in the world is kaepjjang.”

You flash everyone a thumbs up.

“You saw the family,” Yoongi guesses, mouth split with a gummy grin. “How was it?”

“Fun. Adorable,” you answer, as Tae hugs you from behind. “I’m gonna have dinner with them on Saturday.”

Hobi purses his lips. “Don’t we have plans Saturday evening?”

Your forehead creases as you run through your schedule. “I don’t think so. Don’t all of you have a GQ magazine shoot?”

“Not all of us,” Hobi says, as everyone looks at each other in confusion. Hobi tilts his head and a lightbulb must go off because he goes, “Actually, I think I was remembering that Jungkook wants to spend time with you Saturday night, but I think I jumped the gun before he could ask you.”

You whip your head to Jungkook who freezes mid-chew of an apple when he realizes everyone is staring at him.

“What?” he asks, nervous and bug eyed.

“You were gonna ask Y/N to hang out with you Saturday,” Hobi reminds him.

Jungkook scrunches his nose. “But we have that GQ shoot.”

Now, you’re confused. “Uhhhh, what is happening right now? Are we caught in a time loop?”

“Kookie, we already talked about the schedule and you said you wanted to hang with Y/N since it looks like you’re free.” Hobi’s voice is measured, but it sounds like his patience is thin. “Kookie said he was a little jealous that you had dinner with Tae.”

“Aww, Jungkookie.” You feel your heart twinge a bit for the softest of the boys. “I was already planning on asking you to hang out next.”

Jungkook looks between you and Hobi, uncertain. “Really?”

“Really, really,” you reassure.

He zips towards you in excitement and Tae almost gets gutted by the forgotten apple in Jungkook’s hand in his enthusiasm. “Oh! We could go to an arcade! Or have a picnic! Ooh! Or we could go to Lotte World!”

“We can do whatever you want,” you tell him as he clasps you in a tentative hug. Of all of them, Jungkook has been the most careful with touching you. With the others, he climbs, wrestles, and clambers all over them just fine, but he’s always so careful with you, making sure he’s in your line of sight before he makes a move, afraid to startle you. It’s really sweet and you adore him for it. You smooch a kiss to his head and he feigns disgust even as he blushes. “I’ll have to text Areum-unnie to reschedule.”

Hobi bobs his head. “I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”

“Um, okay. Well, I’m gonna go do my skincare and then come back in pajamas.”

“We’re gonna do an Itaewon Class Slumber Party Marathon Extravaganza!” Tae announces. It takes a moment for that to sink in with the boys, and then everyone starts moving all at once.

Yoongi fights a yawn, “I’m not gonna watch, but I’ll sleep out here with you guys.”

“Do we have enough snacks?” Jimin runs to scour the kitchen pantry.

Jungkook dashes to his room. “I’ve got a stash if we don’t!” he shouts.

“I need to go wash up too,” Jin shares out loud, Namjoon following behind him..

The only ones left in the room are you and Hobi.

“You said you’re gonna get ready and come back,” Hobi says, probably wondering what you’re still doing here.

He looks normal enough, but something seems off. You can’t put your finger on it, and you don’t want to guess. “Are you okay?”

He shoots aegyo finger hearts at you. “Of course! I’m excited for a sleepover with all my favorite people!”

Yeah, that enthusiasm seemed forced, but you decide not to call him out on it. Hobi is a bit of a control freak, so it takes some time for him to process things before he’s ready to talk about them. He’ll tell you when he’s ready.

“I can’t promise I won’t pass out early,” you admit with a yawn. “I have lunch with Jieun and a friend tomorrow and I don’t want to be fantasizing about naps when I’m with them. I’ll be right back, Hobi-oppa.”

As you head to your apartment, you realize that spending time with the boys has become part of your nightly routine. Everything has been smooth sailing so far, and you think this might be a good time to tell them about your recovering memories like how you met Jin and your school days with Tae. You’re practically giddy because it finally feels like there’s progress. You change into your pajamas and wonder if you should bring a sleeping pad, but when you go to text Hobi or Jimin, you can’t find your phone. You must have left it at their condo. Oh well.

You decide to take an extra pillow anyway and practically skip back. However, as you approach their door, your excitement dampens. You don’t know how the atmosphere could have changed so quickly in your absence, but the tension and distress emanating from the closed door is practically corporeal, a heated argument bleeding through. You hover in place, debating if you should go in and mediate or if you should head back to your apartment to give them space when you are startled to hear your name.

“Y/N was never supposed meet her,” Hoseok spits.

“Y/N needs her. She needs more than us. Who are we to get in the way of that?” Tae argues.

“We all agreed! Y/N agreed! She shouldn’t be near her because she can’t be trusted.”

Who can’t be trusted? Jieun? Areum? Who else do you know? Hye? Daeyon? Is it you who can’t be trusted?

Jimin tries to reel things back. “Hobi-hyung. It’s been long enough and she seems better. I think she can handle it.”

“All of you are being selfish. She needs more time. Jin-hyung, back me up.”

Silence.

“Really, hyung? She’s relying on you. Can you really be this weak?”

“Hoseok,” Yoongi growls. “That was uncalled for.”

“Jin-hyung, you know you can’t have anything to do with Y/N. She’ll be devastated. You have too much baggage. And Jieun-noona already admitted to telling her about Rule Five. But it doesn’t change the fact that you can’t be with her.”

“I’m not trying to be with her. I’m trying to be there for her.”

This distinction is both a balm and a cut to your heart. You’ve been presented with a window to look in, but a boundary has been drawn that you can’t step over. The potential for something more with Jin is pulled out from under you before you could start. Was there really nothing else between you two? Were all your flashbacks just a delusion, or something your brain created to fill in the gaps? Your stomach plummets at the idea that you used a sexual fantasy to confirm a nonexistent connection between you and Jin. It makes you feel dirty like, maybe you used him, or he used you.

Hoseok laughs, but it sounds hollow and mean. “Sure. You don’t think I see the way things are going with you two?”

“Frankly, it’s none of your business.”

“Like I said. Selfish.”

“Hoseok,” Namjoon cuts in, voice even. “We all want what’s best for her, but–and pardon my french–you’re kind of being an asshole.”

“And all of you are crazy. Things are moving too fast. If she gets spooked, she’ll make a run for it. We need to keep an eye on her. She should stay home. She shouldn’t be working. And most of all, she shouldn’t be spending time with Jin-hyung’s family.”

“They’re part of this family too,” Yoongi states firmly. “And they’re a part of this debacle.”

“Regardless, we agreed she can’t know the truth about any of this. How many times are we going to keep doing this? She’s already getting too close and she won’t be able to handle it. I’m gonna call Bang PD-nim tomorrow about having her take leave from work. I already took care of Areum-noona.”

“Wait,” Jimin says. “Is that why you threw Jungkook at her? So she couldn’t spend time with them?”

You hear Jungkook whimper in distress.

Jin seethes. “What did you do?”

“I told Areum-noona that Y/N isn’t feeling up to spending time with them. And I deleted her and Seokjung-hyung from Y/N’s phone.”

“How did you get her phone?” Tae asks in disbelief.

“She left it here.”

You are reeling as your trust shatters, frozen in place. Your brain screams. You need to run, but your body won’t move.

“I think we’re all losing sight of the goal. You especially, Hoseok-hyung,” Jimin bites out.

“No. I’ve never been more sure. This is how we heal.”

Tae is so angry he sounds like he’s on the verge of frustrated tears. “But we already are healing. We had a moment.”

“Yeah? And how do you know our powers of suggestion and her trauma didn’t manufacture that moment?” Hobi’s words suck the air from your lungs, spilling the exact doubt that haunts you. You will your numb limbs to move.

“What are you trying to do? Seriously? What’s the point?” Jin shouts.

“Hyung! Please stop fighting. Please,” Jungkook cries. His sobs are muffled as someone comforts him.

You’re already moving towards the elevator, Namjoon’s voice fading the further you go. “Okay, guys. We need to calm down. Y/N is gonna be here any minute and we need to pull it together–”

—

You’re curled up in bed when someone comes to check up on you later. You tried to will yourself to sleep, but your brain is running a mile a minute, their words playing on repeat in your head, mocking you. Someone approaches your bed, so you close your eyes and lay very still, pretending to sleep. Your hair is brushed back and they slowly rub your back.

“Y/N? Are you asleep?”

It’s Jin. You struggle to remain still, to not lean into the comforting circles he’s rubbing into your back, but you can’t trust this feeling. You can’t trust anyone. You can’t give anymore pieces of you when you barely have enough for yourself. You wish you could pull Jin in and have him hold you like he did the first night. You had thought he was your best friend, but now that you think about it, he never said so. It was simply the conclusion you had drawn. So, you don’t open your eyes. You don’t say a word. You focus on keeping your breathing slow and steady.

Jin doesn’t leave. He continues rubbing your back and you reluctantly let it lull you into true sleep. As you drift off, you think you hear him say, “I’m sorry.”

—

“Hey. Are you okay?”

You shake yourself out of your fog. You had been staring at your monitor, unseeing, for the past…half hour it seems. It takes you a moment to figure out what’s going on.

Jihoon is standing over you, concern written all over his face. You sober instantly.

Right. You are supposed to have lunch with Jihoon today.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry. I guess I’m just distracted.”

“Oh, well, we don’t have to get lunch if you’re busy.”

“No! No, I’m not busy. Let’s go.” You refuse to let all the bullshit get in the way of you doing good for someone who is struggling. Sure, you’re not having the best time yourself, but doing nice things for someone else makes you feel like you have some control.

Besides, there’s something about Jihoon that resonates with you. He reminds you of yourself, shy and skittish. His hesitant concern is something new, though. It’s nice. You’re touched that he’d come out of his shell for you. With a determined smile you escort him out of the department. “Jieun-unnie has a meeting she can’t get out of, so it’s just you and me. I hope that’s okay.”

The truth is, you didn’t want Jieun to have lunch with you. You made up an excuse, saying you didn’t want to intimidate Jihoon with too many people. You wanted to have lunch with him alone so he’d be comfortable. She readily accepted your excuse, which made you feel a little guilty. You wanted to turn to your unnie for comfort and advice, but she was too closely involved with your fears and doubts. And she had admitted to Hoseok that she let you in on Rule Five. You could no longer trust that she wouldn’t relay everything you tell her to the members.

You can’t tell what Jihoon is looking for as he glances around the office, uncomfortably. “Yeah, that’s fine, Y/N-ssi.”

You stand and flash him your best smile. “Let’s go out. I heard there’s this place within walking distance that does a mean sundubu jjigae.”

You knew leaving the office would be a good idea because Jihoon relaxes as you make your way out of the building. You don’t know what about Hybe stresses Jihoon out, but he really doesn’t like to be noticed here. A little selfishly, you’re also trying to avoid Bang PD-nim. Hoseok must have talked to him already because you saw Bang PD-nim headed your way this morning. In a panic, you immediately picked up your phone and moved up a work call so you could look busy. You murmured an apology with a promise to meet up with him when you had the time.

You don’t want to be held hostage in that condo with BTS. You don’t want to lose this bit of freedom you have. Something is going on and you’ll never figure it out if they never let you out again. The members keep talking about some plan and a truth, some big secret they’re hiding. You’re not supposed to hang out with Jieun or Areum. Hobi doesn’t want you working. Whatever you have with Jin will never come to fruition. You so want to at least believe in Tae, in the members who seemed to speak up for you, but they weren’t exactly forthcoming. And all the trust that’s been built so far has cascaded down like a house of cards.

The commute to work this morning was agony for you as you smiled and laughed and teased like there was nothing wrong.

None of this makes sense to you. Wild theories have been pinballing in your head. If they’re lying, why would you be here with BTS? Did they do something to you? Was the sasaeng attack even real? Are they holding you hostage and gaslighting the hell out of you so you don’t sue them?

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?”

That’s right. Jihoon. Just focus on this moment. Have a breakdown later.

You’re sat at a table in a quiet corner and you’re once again the focus of his concern. “You said they have good sundubu jjigae so I ordered two for us since you seem distracted.”

You loosen the hold you have on your blouse and stretch your fingers, folding your hands on the table. “Thank you. Sorry. I’m just–I don’t know. There’s a lot going on right now, but I do want to be here,” you say. This isn’t how you wanted lunch to go. You’re fucking it all up.

Jihoon looks at your hands and then searches your face. “Do you wanna talk about it? I’m not trying to pry,” he hurriedly assures, “but if it’s bothering you so much, maybe you need to tell someone. I’m not sure I can help, but I can listen, if you want.”

In this setting, away from everything, Jihoon looks more confident. You realize he’s taller than you thought. His posture is more self-assured. It’s a good look on him even if it pains you that the roles have seemed to reverse. Instead of helping him, he’s trying to help you.

Would telling him everything be bad? This whole thing is one big conspiracy theory and you don’t know who you can trust anymore. You don’t even know if you can even trust yourself, but maybe you can have this. A friend away from it all.

“I, uh, I don’t know how I got to Korea, or why I’m here.” Jihoon’s eyes widen a fraction. Okay, so you just said that out loud. You wait for him to bail, to react in some way, but he doesn’t say anything. He waits for you to continue.

Slightly encouraged, you elaborate. “I, uh, woke up here like two weeks ago? And I have no memory of how I got here, or what I’m doing here. I’m American and I don’t know BTS except for their music. But they told me I lost my memory and that I’m actually Korean. That I’m an orphan and I have no one. And I don’t know if this is a dream or if this is real. I don’t know if all of this is a figment of my imagination, and I think I’m going crazy.”

Yup. So you said all that. To a complete stranger. Who now probably thinks that you’re nuts. Wacko. A complete lunatic. What is wrong with—

“Not to be a pretentious asshole, but dreams or reality, isn’t all of that just a figment of our imagination? Whatever our mind chooses to perceive?” Jihoon asks, shrugging. “I think I’m real. I feel real. I have real feelings. My own thoughts. I don’t know what I can do to convince your brain that I’m real though. Maybe I should pinch you?”

He considers your forearms, and you’re taken aback, instinctively pulling your arms away from the table, but then he snickers, “I’m joking. I’m not gonna pinch you.”

And it’s so ridiculous that you laugh. You laugh until your eyes start watering, and you wipe them before they can fall. You refuse to cry on top of everything else right now.

Jihoon looks like he wants to comfort you, but doesn’t know how and it lifts your spirits a little, grateful for the levity. “Thank you. I needed that laugh.”

“I’m glad. Thank you for being so nice to me, for getting me lunch.”

“You know, people at Hybe seem nice too.”

“I–” Jihoon hesitates, his eyes darting to his cutlery. “I guess it’s only fair that I share some stuff with you too.”

You lean forward, his uneasiness affecting you.

“I don’t feel welcome at Hybe,” he confesses.

“What? Really? Are people bullying or hazing you?”

“No, Y/N-ssi. It’s just a feeling I get. That people don’t want me there. A reluctance. No one has done anything to me, but it feels hostile. I’d quit, but the money and benefits are nice. On the other hand, I don’t know why they don’t just fire me, honestly.”

“Because you’re a good worker, Jihoon-ssi. If they fired you, I would definitely have something to say about that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Don’t know what?”

“That I’m a good worker,” he says with a lifted brow.

Eh, what dignity do you have left? “Not to sound like a creep, but I do notice you around the office. You get things done fast and efficiently. Sometimes, I’ll see you and think I should say hi, but by the time I finish my task, you’re already done and gone.”

“You notice me?” he asks, disbelieving.

“Yeah. You’re nice.”

Jihoon’s smile is shy and his eyes crinkle like they’re not used to it, but so so want to. He often makes himself small, nondescript, but here he blooms and gently takes up space. You’re pleased to see him coming out of his shell. You wanna ask about his food situation, but there’s this thing called ‘saving face’ that you don’t want to step on. You also especially don’t want him to retreat within himself.

“Jihoon-ssi. What year were you born?”

“95.” He tilts his head, confused by this sudden change in direction.

“Then we’re the same age. If you could address me comfortably, I would like to be friends.”

“Oh.” He looks like he could have never predicted this. You’re suddenly hit with that deja vu, finding a similarity in the way Tae allegedly adopted you and how you’re now adopting Jihoon, but you quickly chase that feeling away. You can’t trust it. Instead, you smile reassuringly at Jihoon, who eventually returns it. “Sure, Y/N. Let’s be friends.”

The food is served and you spend the rest of the time talking about inconsequential things: the music you’ve been listening to, his cat, Miro, your poor cooking skills, and how he’s patiently waiting for Minho to return to Shinee after enlistment.

“Is it rude to ask when you enlist?” you inquire.

Jinhoon shakes his head. “I already enlisted in 2018. I’m done now.”

“Was it hard?”

“Not really. I like working out, so it just felt like one long session at the gym.”

“Still, it must have sucked not being able to see your family as much.”

He balks and you immediately apologize. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have commented on something so personal.”

“No, that’s alright. Um. I do miss my family. My parents died back in 2016. Four years later and the hurt still feels fresh any time I think about them. It’s a good hurt sometimes, but it still hurts.”

“You don’t have any other family? Siblings? Cousins?” You know you’re being a bit invasive, but you want to know what sort of support system he has.

“I have a half sister. My mother married an American soldier and moved to America, but she missed Korea, so she moved back and remarried my dad. It was a bit of a scandal, so both their families sort of ignored us.”

“That’s awful.”

Jihoon shrugs, dismissing all of it as something in the past.

“Are you close with your half sister?”

“Kind of. She’s the only family I have left and I’m looking for her actually. I know she’s somewhere here in Korea, but I lost track of her. I don’t have any money to hire an investigator to find her, so I’ve been trying to do it on my time off.”

An idea suddenly sparks in your head. “Maybe we can help each other.”

Jihoon is wary. “How?”

“I’ve actually been trying to find a file at Hybe, but I’m denied access at every turn. BTS told me that I was attacked by a sasaeng ex-employee. Kim Cho-hee. I don’t know if it's a lie or if the file even exists. As maintenance, you’re allowed access everywhere and you’re discreet. If you could find me a physical or digital copy, it would provide me with some answers that I think I really need. And in return, I can help you fund the private investigator. I’ll pay for all the fees.”

Jihoon looks shocked as he processes your proposal. “You’d really do that for me?”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“But, you don’t even know me.”

“I know that I can’t do this alone,” you say resolutely. “And without you, I’m alone.”

His expression softens in understanding. “Yeah. I’m alone too.”

“Then let's not do this alone. Let's help each other.” You muster all the sincerity you have and hope your desperation isn’t offputting. If Jihoon refuses, you’ll be back at square zero with no lifeline.

Honestly, Jihoon is perfect. He is so far removed from everything. Everyone barely notices him, regardless if he thinks people don’t like him. In fact, if people at Hybe don’t like him, that makes you trust him even more. The only connection he has to Hybe is as employer and employee. He’s not embroiled in the politics and the gossip except for the snack thing, but you can easily fix that by feeding him. You acknowledge that you’re kind of using him, but this will be a mutually beneficial relationship. You can help him find his sister and you do truly want to be friends with him. This isn’t the most auspicious start, but it’s the best you’ve got right now.

“Please, Jihoon.”

He fiddles with a napkin, but nods his head. “Okay. Let’s find out what’s real. When do we start?”

You hand him your black card.

—

You don’t stop by Bang PD-nim’s office before the end of the day. You refuse to be pushed out of the only normalcy you have, the only contact you have with the outside world. You know you can’t avoid him forever, but you’re going to try your best.

On your commute home with BTS, Jimin invites you over for dinner and games, but you feign a headache. You’re suddenly bombarded in the groupchat by all of BTS insisting that they come over to see you. You take a picture of your leftover sundubu jjigae and tell them you’re fine. You’ll eat dinner and then head to bed to sleep it off. Jungkook suggests rescheduling hanging out tomorrow so you can rest, and you almost take him up on the offer. Instead, you reassure him that you’re still on for tomorrow.

You can’t avoid BTS. They can’t know that anything is wrong, that you heard everything they said last night. And you have to make appearances so they can’t use your health as a reason to pull you from work. You’re allowing yourself to have this time. You are just going to take a little break, to gather some strength to face them. It seems like they know all of your idiosyncrasies, so you’ll have to turn up your acting skills.

Well, you thought you were going to take a break. You’re washing the dishes, making a mental note to remember to make a key for the cleaning ajumma, when someone knocks on your door. It really was too much to expect them to give you space. You brace yourself and answer the door.

You’re not surprised to see Jin standing there, book in hand. You put on your warmest smile. “I’m really okay. You didn’t have to come.”

“I wanted to,” Jin says. He brushes your hair from your face and you hold in a flinch. A twinge must have shown because his brows furrow, worried. “That headache must be a doozy. Was work stressful today?”

You’re relieved. He believes your excuse about the headache, but you don’t want to blame work. “I think I was just listening to my music too loud. I should turn it down before I get tinnitus.”

Jin grins. “Yeah, that would be a good idea.”

You both stand there awkwardly and Jin doesn’t seem in a hurry to leave, so you’re forced to open the door wider to let him in. He removes his shoes and you follow him to your room. He drops onto the bed and pats the space next to him. You don’t know what he’s trying to do, but you orchestrate your face to be open and curious.

“What’s up?” you ask. You remind yourself not to nervously thumb the hem of your shirt. You take it a step further and tell yourself not to fidget your hands. Like a cut marionette, your arms hang at your sides. You start overthinking your body language, unsure if your angles are natural, but you shouldn’t cross your arms like you want to. Crossed arms means closed off. Open arms means everything is okay.

“I figured with a headache, it’d be hard to sleep,” Jin explains. “Music and TV don’t seem like good options, so I’ll read to you until you fall asleep.”

You could fight him on this, but you know Jin will persist. You don’t want to raise too many red flags. You might also be ignoring that you don’t actually want to fight this, that you do want him here, despite everything. Jin suspects nothing, his expression hopeful and fond and just so happy to be here with you. It’s difficult to refuse him anything when he looks like he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. You are conflicted between your mistrust and being drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

“Um, I’m gonna go get ready and then I’ll be right back,” you say nervously. You dig out some modest sleepwear and head to the bathroom. You’re on autopilot with your routine. Be strong, Y/N. Don’t give in too much. You have to protect yourself.

Jin is sitting against the headboard, book in hand. You avoid his eyes and get into bed. You sort of tuck yourself in so there’s a bit of a blanket barrier between you and him, but you roll on your side and face him. You can sense his obvious amusement.

“Comfy?” he asks.

“Yup. So what’s on the agenda?”

Unbidden, you think, Jin doesn’t like to read. He’ll read a page at a time if he does read, and he rarely reads for pleasure unless it’s an assignment of some sort. You can’t tell if this is knowledge you already know, if you observed this in the weeks you’ve been here, or if it’s just something you inherently know.

“I don’t have much of a selection, so I picked whatever I could find in my room. Tonight, we’ve got ‘The Remasculization of Korean Cinema: Culture, Politics & Society’,” he presents with dramatic flare.

You scrunch your nose. If Jin reads that, you really will get a headache.

He of course notices and laughs. “On second thought, this might not have been the best idea.”

“It was the best of intentions though.”

“I’ll see if Joon has anything lighter,” Jin says, turning over the book in disappointment.

“Why don’t you just tell me a story?” The words leave your lips without your say so. He glances at you in surprise.

“What kind of story do you want?”

You scootch further under the duvet, only your eyes showing. “Jieun-unnie said you were in love.”

Jin’s breath catches.

“But you don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t want to,” you murmur. Even with Jin being here, you have decided to put all your feelings into the box of lost things, which you intend to seal away and ignore. Nothing is going to happen. Nothing can ever happen with Jin. So call this self-flagellation or morbid curiosity, but you just want to know.

“Why do you want to know about her?” he asks carefully.

You shrug. “I wanna know what love looks like to you.”

Jin’s face softens. He takes a deep breath and sets his book aside on the nightstand.

“Hmm. People, movies and songs always talk about these dramatic moments. Being struck by how beautiful someone is like lightning. Jungkook with his ringing bells. Tae with his red string of fate and soulmates. But it wasn’t like that for me. It was quiet. Sneaky. Like standing on the beach and not realizing that the tide is steadily rising.

“She was just someone who was around. Someone I would see in passing. Our schedules rarely matched up, so our interactions were incidental. We never paid each other any mind. We were too focused on our jobs. Besides, she wasn’t very outgoing. She was introverted. Aloof. Seemingly unruffled. But I’d see the way she interacted with the people she was close to. I’d wonder how someone so intimidating, who seemed so distant in the day to day, could suddenly be so comfortably silly and fearlessly weird with her people. It’s something idols and celebrities work so hard to make seem effortless.

“Actually, that’s the best word to describe her. Effortless. She wasn’t contrived. Wasn’t polished, primped, and packaged. Just naturally effortless.

“Now, maybe I’m just an asshole, but it made me want to ruffle her up. Rock her boat a bit just to see what she’d do. I wanted to know what made her tick. What songs she cried to. What books she gave a second thought to. What code she lived by.

“I started off small. I’d steal a pen off her desk. She’d buy a one hundred pack of G2 pens with a sticky note that anyone was welcome to them. I’d put googily eyed stickers on her glasses. She’d stick the goggily eyes on plants around the office. I’d anonymously rickroll her through email attachments. She’d reply that my resume was outdated and kindly attached a better resume template, only to rickroll me back.

“I upped my game. I’d replace her corner mart bought gimbap with homemade gimbap. She’d leave me tasty baked goods. I’d leave her a mixed CD. She’d leave me a mixed audio cassette. I’d buy her mittens. She’d leave me a scarf.

“And then suddenly, it wasn’t enough. I had to come by to poke and prod her with words. I’d tell her she’s pretty. She’d tell me I’m handsome. I’d tell her she’s weird. She’d tell me I’m obnoxious. I tried to pull her into arguments, but wasn’t really successful until I lied and told her I don’t wear sunscreen when it’s cloudy. She subjected me to a ten minute tirade about the science of UV rays and I loved it.”

Jin had steadily grown distant as he went back in time, but he refocuses on you. His words, the quirk of his lips, the twinkle in his eye had coaxed you out of your duvet cocoon. You smile encouragingly.

“I don’t even know when annoying her became harmless flirting and then transformed into full blown conversations about kdrama tropes, rating local hole in the walls, and confessions of hopes and dreams. Before I knew it, she was someone who became the one. The one I wanted to see everyday. The one I wanted to share my stories with. The one who I wanted in my stories.

“And I thought she was completely oblivious. We always saw each other in passing or we were always with everyone else, but I really wanted to be alone with her. I wanted her to only look at me.

“It all came to a head when all of us bought tickets to go see Passengers. You know, that Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence movie? We were all gonna catch dinner and then go see the movie, but I convinced the dongsaengs to skip out. I took her to one of my favorite restaurants, and I had to pretend to go to the bathroom so I could pay before she could insist on splitting the bill. We went to see the movie, but I honestly couldn’t tell you what it’s about. I couldn’t stop watching her. And whenever she’d catch me, I’d lean in and make a joke, I don’t even remember what, but just something so she wouldn’t suspect. I wanted her to know how I felt, but I was also terrified of her knowing.”

The way he talks about her, about himself, it feels soft and shimmery like ocean foam, an airy wisp on a reminiscent breeze, and it stirs a longing in you. Captivates you.

“When we left the theater, she spotted the maknaes. They saw us coming and tried to hide, but the hilarious thing was, they hid behind cutouts. Of themselves, advertising a fanmeeting coming up. A truly slap yourself in the face moment that I couldn’t even appreciate at the time because Tae was busy selling me out, whining that they didn’t want to intrude on our date, but they also didn’t wanna waste their movie tickets.”

You roll your eyes, but your smile betrays your affection. “What a bunch of idiots.”

“But they’re our idiots,” Jin says fondly. His smile is small, but it’s a smile you haven’t seen before, like how you can only see Venus right before dawn or just after sunset. A smile that is only reserved for special circumstances to align, and you stare unblinkingly, not wanting to miss it for a second because you don’t know when you’ll ever find the chance again.

“I had to drag her away from those idiots. And she kept trying to pull away, but I couldn’t let her go cuz’ I was trying to muster up my courage. I dragged her four blocks before I had the nerve to face her. Before I confessed that yes, that was a date. That I liked her. That I loved her. And you know what she said?”

You hum.

“She said, ‘I love you too. But I dropped my glasses back there.’”

You splutter and burst into giggles in concert with Jin’s windshield wiping. Jin hiccups, “We had to run back those four blocks to find her glasses before I could have my first kiss with her.”

“You are also an idiot, Jin,” you snort.

“I know, I know. Not my smoothest moment,” Jin concedes, elbowing you. “And it wasn’t smooth sailing from there either. Our schedules still didn’t align the way we wanted it to. I would be tired and worn out. She would be busy and frayed. But we still made it work. We’d fall asleep together over video calls. I’d send her flowers and she’d have food delivered to me. She’d surprise me at concerts. I’d surprise her at conferences. We had to steal our moments. But it was the happiest I’d ever been. I like to think she was happy too.”

Jin grows silent. Something in him fades as he picks at your duvet, agitated. You grab his hand and interlace your fingers, stilling him. “What happened?” you whisper. “Why did it stop?”

You know you shouldn’t be asking this. You’re mentally slapping yourself for making Jin relive this knowing this doesn’t have a happy ending. But you can’t stop yourself. You have to reach the end. You have to read the last page so you can close the book. He stares at your hands and then…

Softly. Bitterly. With self-loathing, he says, “She became a victim of my industry.”

It’s vague, but there’s a finality that you dare not stir.

Storytime is over.

You want to apologize, but you know that won’t make things better. In a way, it feels like you both needed this. A cathartic release, but something’s missing. You rub your thumb against Jin’s hand, trying to convey some comfort. “She sounds lovely.”

“She is.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Debatable,” he huffs in scorn.

“Hey.” You tug his hand so he’ll look at you. His expression is stone, eyes dark when he finally meets yours. You infuse every fiber of your being with earnesty. “She sounds lovely. Don’t retroactively deprive her of her autonomy. Of her choices. It wasn’t your fault.”

The stone cracks a bit, a tremulous smile playing on his lips, not quite accepting, but you think he heard you.

You lightly squeeze his hand in yours. “It’s getting late. You should go to bed.”

When you try to remove your hand though, he doesn’t let go. “Can I stay here? At least until you fall asleep?”

He plays it like he’s doing this for you, but there’s an open vulnerability and loneliness in the way he’s looking at you. Is this what Hobi meant when he said Jin had a lot of baggage? You don’t quite feel devastated, but this isn’t baggage. It’s a piece of history, and you find some small comfort that if your illness is in fact real, at least it’s your affliction, not Jin’s. At least he isn’t forced to relive his history.

“Sure, Jin. Always.”

Previous Chapter <- - -> Next Chapter

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Taglist: @miksancheese @justamomnamedamie @the-daechwita-archive @alpacaparkaseok @whatamitoyou

A/N: I totally didn't get this done till like 0130 so I didn't have time for a beta to read this through before my posting deadline. Sorry for the late post and for all the grammar mistakes! Tehee!

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #not7wu #not7wu masterlist #not7wu fanfic #not7wu fanfiction #tonight #tonight by Jin #tonight by not7wu #jin fanfic #seokjin fanfic #seokjin x reader #seokjin x y/n

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kpopmultistanfanficarchive · 2 years ago

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Jungkook x Reader - Taking Your Relationship Public

“You look like you’re about to hurl,” Jungkook admitted, placing the back of his hand to your forehead. “Do you feel bad?”

You shook your head, trying to put on a reassuring face. “No. I’m alright,” you said. “Just a little nervous. I’ll be a lot better once this is all over.”

“It’ll be over quickly. I told them we’d give them ten minutes. Then we can call it a night and go home.”

Your couple reveal had been strategically planned. You had been in a relationship with Jungkook for just over a year when, together, you’d decided it was time to go public. You had expected to be mobbed. You had even expected to be interviewed. You were the BTS maknae’s secret girlfriend, after all. That came with a certain level of public intrigue.

What you hadn’t expected, however, was the massive fucking press briefing you’d been swindled into participating in.

You hated crowds. When you felt like you were under a microscope, your hands shook and your face grew blotchy. You knew this about yourself, and you had relayed it to the makeup stylist that had whisked you away, separating you from Jungkook the moment you’d entered the venue. Being away from him hadn’t helped with the nerves and by the time you were reunited, both dolled up to the nines, you felt just about ready to heave yourself through the nearest exit.

“You don’t have to be scared; I’ll do all of the talking. You just have to sit there and be beautiful.”

“That’s…not nearly as reassuring as you think it is,” you chuckled half-heartedly, stumbling as a PA checked the security of your mic pack. They’d insisted on double-miccing just in case something went wrong with the tabletop microphones but the extra weight added to the back of your dress was only adding to your anxiety.

"Listen," Jungkook murmured, looping his hand through yours and interlocking your fingers with his, "if you get too nervous to think straight, there's going to be a pen and paper for you. Just scribble. Make it look like you're taking notes or making translations. That always helps."

You nodded, relieved to hear that there would, at the very least, be a way to keep your fidgety hands busy while on stage.

"You ready for this?" he asked.

"Yeah," you said, though the tone in your voice suggested otherwise. You jumped up and down a couple of times, trying to will away the last-minute jitters.

"You're going to do great," he said, pressing a kiss to your temple in an attempt to sooth your nerves. It was a comfort that you needed. Otherwise, you may not have been able to will yourself to put one foot in front of the other and walk out on stage.

And with that, you were off, walking arm in arm with Jungkook out onto a small stage in front of a sea of blinding flash bulbs. You could feel him lean forward to bow and followed his action before taking the few steps necessary to the table in the center of the stage and taking your seat.

"Thank you for coming to today's…rather exciting event," a manager who would pose as the interview's moderator began, "To start, we'd like to thank you for your patience with the delay agreements. We know you'd like to have this story out as soon as possible. Frankly we would as well, but I'm sure you can see the value in letting the happy couple at least return home before the breaking news…well…breaks." A smattering of indulging chuckles rippled out across the crowd, though you could tell that none of the reporters sitting in front of you were particularly amused by the manager's attempt to keep things lighthearted. "We'll be going on question at a time. I will call you by the name of your organization and you will be given the opportunity to ask a single question with one follow-up…"

As the manager continued to rattle off the rules of the day's engagement, your focus began to drift.

As Jungkook had assured, a pen had been provided, but you couldn't seem to find a sheet of paper anywhere in your vicinity. Your eyes peered over to Jungkook who was already very animatedly answering questions.

Where did you meet? How long had you been together?

He rattled off answer after answer but before you know it all eyes were on you. You should've seen this coming. You should've known you'd be obligated to answer at least one question throughout the course of this god-awful press event.

"Sorry, I didn't hear that," you murmured into the mic with an apologetic smile.

"That's alright. Y/N-ssi. The question was 'what drew you to your partner Jungkook'?"

"Oh!" you exclaimed in a way that drew an animated chuckle from the crowd that made your head spin. The feedback from the microphone had you jumping in your seat as well. "We, um, well, we met at the gym, as Jungkook pointed out. He'd tried to bench too much on his own and looked over to me to ask for help getting the barbell back onto its stand. So, I guess from the beginning I was really appreciative of his ability to ask for help when he needed it."

A quiet murmuring went out over the crowd. It was as though they were expecting more, though that had been all you were prepared to give. With your "part" out of the way, your eyes met the table. You wanted to go home where there weren't what felt like a million sets of eyes staring back at your, pleading for more, more, more.

Drawing you from your thoughts, Jungkook shoved your pen into your hand, rolling up his sleeve and letting his hand rest on your thigh, offering his arm - and further to the point, his tattoos - up to you. He'd done this before on occasion, when you'd been at a party and there had been too many people crowded around, or when you were at home and big storm had rolled through. Using your hands kept your brain occupied long enough to calm it.

So without hesitation, you reached out and began to trace the lines of his tattoos with the pen, shading around the edges and filling in where they had begun to bleed and lighten. And it helped. In fact, it helped so much that you'd hardly realized how much time had passed until Jungkook was standing from his seat and bowing, you shooting to your feet to do the same at his side. And then before you knew it, the junkit was over and you were being whisked out the back to a car waiting to take the both of you home.

"See?" Jungkook murmured, turning you by the chin so that he could place a quick kiss on your lips, "over before you knew it. And now we're free."

"Oh don't sound so dramatic."

"I mean it, though. We don't have to stay in on date nights anymore. We can go to the clubs now, or out shopping or to a coffeshop without starting some sort of rumor. You can visit us on tour stops without causing a huge rise. Now everybody is going to know," he said, pressing another kiss to your lips. "We're free."

"Well, when you put it that way, it does sound pretty nice…" you chuckled, breathing your first sigh of relief since you had woken up that morning, as Jungkook leaned his head back against the headrest and took your hands into his own once again. It was then that you saw his forearm, the tattoos, and the number you'd done on his arm during the conference. "Sorry about that, by the way. I'll get you some rubbing alcohol when we get back to the apartment so we can get that off."

"No, no. I like it this way," he said, lifting his arm, along with your interlocked hands, to eye level so he could get a better look at the number you'd done on him, "Yeah, I think I might just bring a picture of this to my guy and have him make it like this permanently. That was I can have a little bit of you with me everywhere I go."

"Oh my god. Ew." you chuckled, pulling your hand away from his with a laugh, "Don't be so cheesy, Jeon Jungkook."

"I won't be cheesy if you don't give me a reason to be cheesy. How about that?"

My inbox is currently open and I am accepting requests for multiple groups at this time (BTS, Monsta X, Stray Kids) so if you have any drabble prompts or MTL requests, send them my way! Thanks for reading~

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #jungkook imagine #jungkook headcanon #jungkook drabble #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts imagine #bts headcanon #bts reaction #bts jungkook

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mercy-burning · 3 years ago

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Affection

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Spencer and Y/N decidedly hate each other. But when a near-death experience puts one of them in a coma, their mutual hatred might have to take a backseat— Or will it? Category: Angst / Happy Ending! + Humor and a lil bit of Fluff Content: Strong language, Reader is in a coma, mentions of injury, kissing Word Count: 2.6k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: This one’s for Pom’s ( @imagining-in-the-margins ) September Writing Challenge, Enemies To Lovers! I have another one coming up as well, but this idea wouldn’t get out of my head ever since I watched The Abyss with my dad and I had to get it out 😅 I hope you like it!!

———

I swear to fucking God, if this motherfucker really thinks he—

That was the last thing Y/N thought before she was knocked out cold.

With her line of work, it was natural to assume that she was thinking about the unsub, but unfortunately the criminal she and her team were tracking down was the farthest thing on her mind. Spencer would have chastised her for it— letting something else cloud her thoughts while she was in a dark alley, alone, and with a serial killer on the loose.

"You should be smarter than that!" she could hear him say in that high pitch he always carried when he was upset— especially with her. "If you don't get yourself killed one of these days, then it'll be the rest of us!"

Thinking about it made her blood boil.

"It's your fault," she wanted to tell him. "I had to blow off some steam because you were pissing me off!"

The only thing was... She couldn't tell him.

Well... She could.

He just couldn't hear her, because no one could.

It was like some stupid, cliché movie, where you found yourself standing over your dying body and having to choose whether to live or not. It seemed like the obvious choice, to fucking live, but... Y/N found herself wandering around her hospital room, yelling into the void and attempting to jump back into her own body.

Nothing was working.

And when Spencer showed up, his face red and his hair and clothes all messed up, she wanted to scream at him.

"Hey!"

Nothing. He was practically lifeless as he drifted to the chair next to her bed and sat down. It was nearly impossible to read from his expression and body language how he was feeling, and that alone was enough to make her angry again. (Not that the anger had really gone away since waking up next to her comatose body, of course.)

"Hey! Dumbass!"

Still nothing.

As Spencer just blankly stared down at Y/N's bed, she decided she'd had enough.

"SPENCER FUCKING REID, IF YOU DON'T HELP ME RIGHT NOW I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL HAUNT YOUR ASS UNTIL THE END OF ETERNITY, AND I'M GONNA LAY FAT, STINKIN' GHOST SHITS IN YOUR SHOES, DO YOU HEAR ME? AND—"

"I hate you."

It was a bold enough statement to stop Y/N in her tracks, no matter how quietly he'd mumbled it. She knew for sure that he didn't like her, after years of constant bickering and dirty glares and whatever else, but... The word 'hate' was like a knife that sliced through her joking rage and stopped the whole world around her.

If she wasn't already out of her own body, she just knew she would have felt her soul leave.

Spencer didn't hate anyone. Not that she was aware of, anyway. He found nearly everyone delightful, and vice versa... But for some reason, he hated Y/N.

She scoffed, crossing her arms. "Yeah, well... Feeling's mutual, I guess..."

"You're stupid, and reckless, and you don't think. And you're a goddamn nightmare to work with... You know what— You're a stone-cold bitch."

His words made her physically step backwards, and it felt like if she were a cartoon, there might have been steam coming out of her ears.

"Yeah, well jokes on you, you make it easy," she seethed. "Fuck you!"

"How... How dare you..." he continued, anger reddening his face.

Y/N watched as he balled his fists and leaned in a little closer to her body, his voice tight and strained. "How dare you walk into my life and boss me around and make it impossible to breathe... From the moment I met you, you've brought out this... this fire in me that I can't put out no matter how hard I try, and it's insufferable—You're insufferable, and I hate you, how dare—"

Whatever he was going to say next was cut off by a shortness of breath. Spencer breathed in, loud and choked, and the next breath he let out was nothing short of a sob. His eyes squeezed shut, tears rolling down them and his hands clutched the bedsheets with a vigor and rage that Y/N had never seen from him, even in all the years she'd spent visibly getting on his last nerves.

"N—No," she choked out, feeling her throat tighten. "Don't... Don't turn into a sappy mess on me now, do you hear me, Reid? You hate me, don't... Don't..."

"I don't hate you," he whispered, wiping his eyes and reaching out to grab her lifeless hand. "I hate that you make me feel this way, but... I could never hate you..."

She wanted nothing more than to be able to squeeze his hand back, to tell him, not even necessarily with words but with a simple gesture, that she was right there and wasn't going to go anywhere.

She just... had to figure out how to make that true.

Still, Spencer kept going, a small laugh bubbling up through tears and phlegm. "But I will hate you if you die, because I just know you're gonna come back and haunt me for eternity... Probably... shit in my shoes or something."

Y/N barked a laugh that was true and pure... Happy, even.

The genius may have acted like he hated her, but it turns out he knew her pretty well, perhaps even fondly in one way or another.

To think— All those years she spent seeing him sneer at her, feeling his glare burn into her soul, the amount of times she caught him making faces or inappropriate gestures behind her back, all of it... And the whole time, he was probably doing it with a little flicker of fondness deep within the confines of his heart, which he swore to fill with nothing but hatred for her.

The thought made the little flicker in her own heart burn brighter.

As she wandered closer to her bed, beside Spencer and in front of her own body, she reached her hand out to see if she could touch his face, to give him something...

Even though she had no luck, something shifted when he spoke.

"Just... Come back to me, please? I know I'm not good at apologizing, but if it means I get you back... I swear that I will make up every horrible thing I've ever done or said to you. Just... Please don't leave me."

He laid his head down in his hands and tried not to cry again, every said horrible thing replaying on a loop in his brain like some kind of taunt. He wished more than anything for a chance to make it up to Y/N, and now he might not ever be able to.

"You think I'd leave this mortal earth without getting the chance to kick your ass?"

Everything was so fuzzy and light and brimming with these high emotions that Y/N almost didn't realize she was saying these words and Spencer was hearing them. She almost didn't feel the warmth of her bloodstream beneath layers of skin, the beat of her heart slowly coming back to life at the sounds and smells of the hospital room.

She almost didn't realize that Spencer was grabbing her now, his warm hands covering her cold ones and bringing them back to life as well.

"Screw you," he breathed with absolutely no malice to be detected in his voice.

They shared a smile so bright, no one would have been able to guess that they never got along.

TWO WEEKS LATER

Not only was she stuck at home doing nothing while on suspension (Yes, it turns out that storming off into an alley and not paying attention while on the job, just because a co-worker pissed you off, can get you suspended by Chief Strauss), but Y/N was also being visited by a daily rotation of her co-workers and friends and family, and her house was nearly covered in flower bouquets and baked goods.

It was a nightmare.

The sentiment was nice, sure, but if she had to move one more vase, she was going to start throwing them.

God, maybe Spencer was right, I am a stone-cold bitch...

Thinking of him also put a little damper on her mood.

He hadn't been to visit her once... And she figured that after their nice little moment at the hospital, he'd at least stop by with flowers or an "I'm glad you're not dead!" call, but there was nothing on his end. Not even a text message or a letter.

But for all she knew, their small moment of kindness could have been a figment of her concussed imagination.

Please, she thought, if I brought it up to him he'd probably just laugh in my face.

Rather than a laugh, Y/N heard the bright sound of her doorbell, which normally would have meant a fun unexpected visit or a date she was getting ready for, but by now it only meant another vase of flowers or a pie from a neighbor she still didn't remember the last name to.

Either way, she answered the door with as polite a smile as she could muster, and instead of finding a vaguely familiar neighbor or acquaintance, she found Spencer.

Though, to be fair, he was holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Well, this is a surprise," Y/N drawled, crossing her arms. "I don't even think you've ever been to my house."

She was surprised to see him nervous around her, rather than irritated. And she would have found it endearing had they not been practically mortal enemies from the moment they met... She was suspicious.

"O—Oh, yeah... I know, I just thought... I wanted to come see how you were doing... These are for you."

He held out the flowers, which were truthfully the pretties set she'd received, and it irked her. Because of course he of all people would be the one to tell which kinds of flowers she'd prefer.

"Thanks," she said, taking them from him and allowing him the space to come inside. "Watch out, it's a maze in here..."

While she looked for somewhere to put the flowers on display, she could feel Spencer looking around her space, probably profiling what he could behind a sea of flowers.

"Hm."

Y/N sighed. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just... I'm surprised this many people actually like you."

Despite the nature of his observation, she found it comforting. That level of playful contempt was what she was used to, and it brought a sparkle to her eye as she turned to face him. "Ha... I'm not a complete bitch, you know."

"Sure."

Between the growing grin on his face and the smirk forming on her own, Spencer and Y/N found themselves falling back into a familiar rhythm. And yet, something about it was still... different.

So much so that Y/N felt honest-to-God butterflies in her stomach when he approached, hands retreating from his pockets and head tilting off to the side. His expression held that look he got when he was trying to figure someone out, usually an unsub. She hated to admit it to herself, but a little part of her always found that side of him extremely attractive.

And now that it was right in front of her?

She didn't know what to make of it.

"What?" she snapped, looking for an excuse to hide any and all attraction she was feeling.

Spencer stepped back a little, breaking away from whatever trance he'd just been in. "God, why do you always have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"You push away every single show of affection! Any time I'm trying to be nice, you just act like it's some big inconvenience to you!"

Y/N laughed. "Ha! That's what that was? Just now? When you insulted me, and then started stalking towards me with that look you get when you're interrogating an unsub? That's what you call affection?"

"That's not... That's not what that was!"

"Oh really? Then what was it?"

"It was part of the routine! Banter! Y—You know, that's our thing! We insult each other, and we act like we hate each other but we... We don't, really..."

The longer he went on, the faster her heart raced. This was the moment in the movie where he inevitably blurted out that he loved her, and in turn she would either kiss him or slap him, or slap him and then kiss him...

But Y/N was still feeling rather playful despite the swarm of butterflies in her stomach begging for some relief.

"Oh?" she prompted, taking a slow step closer to him. "We don't?"

Spencer seemed to get red immediately, and he avoided her eyes. "U—Uh... Well I... I thought... Maybe I read it all wrong, a—and I'm sorry if I did..."

She'd been getting closer meanwhile, and now they were practically toe-to-toe. He did his best to ignore her, taking a few steps back until she cornered him against the front door. And with the way he wasn't doing anything to get out of his predicament, she took that as his acceptance and took another leap.

"What..." she cooed, crawling her fingers up the front of his chest like a spider. "You like me? Hmm?"

When he finally looked down at her, she allowed herself to smile, albeit slowly and with calculation.

In a flash Spencer went from nervous to fed-up, weight seeming to visibly lift from his chest as he sank against the door. "You're messing with me..."

"It's so fun."

"You know what, screw you."

"Is that a promise?"

"Maybe it is. What are you gonna do ab—"

She didn't let him finish.

In an instant, Y/N lunged forward and pulled him down for a kiss.

Even though she thought he might have tried to take control of the situation, he ended up surprising her with a wanton moan as his hands clutched at her sides, holding on for dear life. Their bodies and tongues collided in a mess of years worth of pent-up tension, chaotic and wild and fiercely beautiful in a way that put even the greatest first kisses to shame.

And of course, Spencer had to go and ruin it.

He pushed her away and looked almost panicked. "W—Wait, are you even cleared to do this?"

Y/N rolled her eyes, reaching out for him again. "I'm fine."

"Y/N, you were in the hospital! I thought... I thought you were..."

She appreciated the sentiment, but with her entire body on fire from his touch, she decided she needed more of it. "Yeah, but I'm not... I'm very much alive, and you know what?"

He blinked back at her, watching carefully as she leaned in close to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"It's because of you. You make me feel... more alive than I've ever been."

"And... You're not messing with me this time?"

With a laugh, Y/N shook her head and leaned up to brush her nose with his. "Nuh-uh... But if you'd like to, I'd love to mess with you in a more fun way. And maybe I'll even let you do it back..."

Spencer hummed, feeling himself gravitate towards her more with every passing second. "Deal."

He barely got the word out all the way before she was dragging him through the maze of flora and contained food and into her bedroom, where piece by piece, their hatred and fondness for one another combined to create the most exquisite of nights.

———

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polaroid15 · 3 years ago

Text

Febuwhump Day 11 - Chronic pain

Read on Ao3

Summary: Peter sustained a head injury six months ago that gives him migraines. After a particularly bad episode at school, Peter can't take it anymore. *Cue self-sacrificial angst*

-----

When the thirtieth migraine he’s gotten in six months hits in the middle of algebra, Peter is done. Done with pretending everything is okay ever since he got knocked down. Done with being in pain.

Just…done.

At first he tries to ride it out. He squeezes his eyes shut and tucks his head into his arms on his desk, hoping above all else that Mr. Harrington doesn’t single him out for his behavior. Time passes in a haze of pulsing pain and muffled words until Mr. Harrington plays a math tutorial over the projector and the audio blasts through on full volume.

The whole class jumps, but for Peter it’s different. It whites out his vision and makes his knees weak. He must make a sound because the entire class turns to face him, some laughing and others with looks of mild concern.

“S-sorry. Bathroom?” he asks, trying to find Mr. Harrington through his slowly clearing vision.

“Sure, Peter. Go ahead.”

Peter holds his breath to keep the pain at bay and uses the wall to keep himself steady as he leaves the class. He doesn’t realize Ned has followed him out until he stumbles, his friend’s familiar hand grabbing his wrist.

“Migraine?” Ned asks, his voice hardly above a whisper. Peter can smell the pepper he had on his sandwich for lunch.

“Yeah. Really bad.”

“You should go home.”

“May’s at work.”

“I’ll call Happy.”

Peter wants to argue, but he can’t find it within himself to muster up the energy. All he wants is for this to end. If you hadn’t been so distracted, maybe you wouldn’t have gotten your brain bashed in. Then none of this would have happened.

“Peter?”

“Do whatever you want, Ned.”

“Okay. Hang on.”

Peter is only half aware of Ned’s phone call and even less aware of Ned’s gentle hand guiding him to the office and finally to the front doors. After a particularly bad spike of pain he only realizes he’s in Happy’s car by the smell of leather and Happy’s ritzy cologne.

“Where’s Ned?”

For once, he’s in the passenger’s seat. He has a clear view of Happy’s pinched expression at the close of his question. “You just said bye to him. You don’t remember?”

“Oh…yeah. Sorry.”

“Let’s just get you upstate, kid.”

Peter groans. The light is too bright. Everything too loud. He sinks down as far as his seatbelt will allow and clamps his hands against his ears.

“Peter.”

Peter swats away Happy’s hand. “What?”

“Jesus, kid. Did you hear anything I just said? What the hell is up with you?”

“Migraine,” Peter says through ground teeth. “Bad.”

“Alright. Okay. Just hang tight. We’ll have Bruce check you out.”

Done. Peter is done. He slides down against the door and presses his head hard against the window. It’ll pass, he tells himself in some half hearted, delirious hope. It’ll pass.

But it doesn’t, and by the time Happy parks in front of the compound he can’t see out of one eye and the whole world is simultaneously the quietest and loudest it's ever been. He can’t get out of the car by himself. He can’t even unclick his seatbelt. Happy loops a strong arm around his shoulder and drags him up the steps, the concrete beneath them warping and shifting.

“Jesus, Peter. You’re three shades away from a corpse.”

Peter can’t do anything more than moan unhappily against Happy’s side. They only make it half a dozen steps inside before Peter digs in his heels, his mouth salivating and his stomach protesting. “Hap…”

With a complete lack of coordination, Peter spins away from Happy’s side and lunges for the garbage bin by the doors. Everything comes to a head. The noise. The smells. The pain. Every heave brings tears out of his eyes.

He collapses.

He knows Happy is kneeling beside him. He knows Tony has come into the room, too. Both of their hearts are erratic. They’re sweating. Happy is mumbling curses under his breath.

“Stop…” Peter pleads. He needs it to be quiet, for the agony to end.

“Oh buddy.” Tony’s hands are hovering over where Peter is slumped against the trash can like he’s terrified to touch him. Maybe he is. “Bruce and Helen are waiting upstairs. We’re going to help you, alright?”

“Dying,” Peter says. Because that’s what it feels like.

Tony’s eyes hold a new fear to them. It’s like nothing Peter has ever seen from him. “Jesus. Help me get him up,” he says to Happy.

Together, they lift Peter between them. The contact is scalding but the connection between his pain and his voice have become unhinged. Maybe his brain will explode. Maybe the pain will strike down through his heart.

His breaths are loud. Ragged. Harsh.

“Help!”

Peter is layed back on crinkly paper that makes him wince and writhe. There are hands on him. Voices. Questions that he can’t even comprehend let alone answer.

Then, a coolness to his bloodstream. Something soothing that he latches onto with every remaining part of him that can respond. It spreads until he can’t feel his fingers and toes. Until he can’t feel his arms and legs.

And finally, until he can’t feel the pain.

------

Tony is tired of watching Peter carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s tired of sitting in medbay.

He’s tired of the way his heart aches when Peter comes to, groggy and unfamiliar with his surroundings until his eyes land on Tony. When all the tension in his shoulders disappears and the drugs take him back under.

He’s tired of not being able to protect his kid.

Peter wakes up for good three hours after they sedate him. His doe eyes catch Tony in the low light of medbay, his eyelids droopy and a guilty half-smile curving the side of his mouth. “Hey Mr. Stark,” he says, his voice rough with disuse and sleep. “You didn’t have to sit with me.”

“Who’s to say I didn’t just walk in now?” he counters, though they both know it isn’t true.

“It’s one of my spider powers.”

“Is lying one of your spider powers too?”

Peter’s smile grows, but he doesn’t laugh. There’s an unresolved tension in his face, like he’s pinched a nerve.

“How’re you feeling?” Tony asks him.

“Well, I can see out of both eyes now. So a lot better.”

“I’ve had bad migraines before, kiddo. But that episode you had just about takes the cake.”

“It was bad,” Peter admits, which leads Tony to believe that it really was off the kid’s pain chart. Bad enough that he let Ned drag him out of school. Bad enough that he let Happy get involved.

“You told me you were dying,” Tony says. “Do you remember that?”

“No. I’m sorry.”

“Was that your first migraine, Peter?”

“Not exactly.”

Tony’s stomach sinks. As if the kid hasn’t been through enough as it is. “Do you get them often?”

“Ever since I got that concussion in June.”

Peter’s honesty startles Tony. It also scares the living hell out of him. “You’ve been getting migraines like that since June? That was months ago! Why the hell didn’t you say anything?”

“Why do you think?” Peter asks, with just enough bite to the question for Tony to really consider it. Both their shoulders sink, their gazes drifting.

“I wish you would tell me when you’re hurting,” Tony says eventually. Quietly. He sees Peter turn to face him out of the corner of his eye, though he keeps his own focus on the window.

“I don’t want to worry you,” Peter says, equally quiet.

“That’s not how this works.”

“It’s exactly how it works.”

Tony squares his jaws. Straightens his shoulders. He grasps Peter’s hand tightly in his fist, who looks down in surprise before raising his chin to look at him. “Peter. Listen close, because I’m not going to say it twice. You don’t have to do things alone. You have people who care about you in your corner. You have me.”

Peter’s eyes shimmer. His chest stills as if he’s stopped breathing. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Tony says, giving the boy’s hand a squeeze. “‘Oh’.”

Peter clears his throat. “Mr. Stark?”

“What is it, kiddo?”

“I think- uh, I might need some help. With my migraines.”

Tony chuckles, relief bursting through him like a dam. He cups the back of Peter’s neck and pulls him in for a hug. “Now you’re getting it.”

#febuwhump #febuwhump day 11 #febuwhump 2022 #peter parker #protective tony stark #irondad fic #irondad fandom #sickfic #sick peter parker #peter parker whump #ned leeds #happy hogan

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byorder-fanfic · 4 years ago

Text

How They Look After You When it Gets Bad: John

Requested by @apollonshootafar

Preference Masterlist

Warnings: Reader going through a hard time, touch aversion, sexual remarks and suggestions, swearing and mentions of injury

Word count: 1608

Author's Note: I'm nearly done with these, just had a bit of a block trying to get this one done. Hopefully you like it and if you do, I absolutely love to hear your comments and I appreciate your reblogs. I think John might be a little OOC here, but I tried. I'm always here to talk if you need it.

(Gif by @peakascum) (and....)

(Gif by @talicat713) (cause that face holding thing john does is the premise of this fic)

John always loved to have his hands on you, his cheeky grin pressed into the side of your neck as he whispered jokes and suggestions to get you giggle. And it wasn't just when the two of you were alone. No, he seemed to become all that more handsy (if it were possible) whenever his family was near. You often said it was as if he were claiming you, showing his possession with each imprint made on the softest parts of your body. Like a bloody dog pissing on his property. He just gave you a shit-eating grin and called you kinky. You rather liked the attention, to be honest. It wasn't as if it were violating or unwanted, even if you've rolled your eyes at his touch more times than you could count. Truth was, he made you feel attractive. Desirable. Good. There never was a time when his hand on your hip made you feel anything but loved or safe. Your big bad Blinder boyfriend who pouted like a wounded pup when you were too busy washing up to hold his hand. John may have made his constant touching seem like a thing of bravado- a masculine need to claim and possess. However, the both of you knew the real reason why the two of you were attached at the hip: John was clingy as hell. When you'd confronted him on that hypothesis, his whole face turned red, right to the tips of his ears. He was stuttering out excuses (it was a damned strange thing to see you smooth-talking lover start choking out sentences) and you swore he was making his voice go lower, trying to gain some fragile sense of masculinity. In the end, you just grabbed his belt loop and pulled him to against the front of your body. You felt all of him relax as soon as he felt the warmth of your skin seep through both of your clothes, the feel of your hand at the bottom of his abdomen and your lips barely an inch from his. His hands immediately wrapped around you, all embarrassment cooling off him in a sigh of relief. "Don't worry, love, it'll be our little secret, ey?" You whispered as you stroked through his hair. After that, John had continued being just as bold as the day you met him when you were in sight of others. As soon as you stepped into the threshold of home, though, he was nigh-on begging for your touch at every available moment. You were used to him teasing you, trying to excite you and get into bed whenever the house was empty. But when you were dishing up dinner, with the grumbling of four hungry kids, the last thing you wanted was John pawing at your busy hands for a touch. His touch had always been a wonderful thing- then it wasn't. You didn't know when the change began, only that your tired muscles didn't ease when his strong arms were wrapped around you, your heart didn't flutter like it used to when he kissed the back of your hand, and you didn't feel so warm when he grabbed your waist at the pub. All you could feel was the uncomfortable imprint of skin, and you didn't know why. You still loved John. God, did you love him. You loved when he smiled at you from across the room, eyes ignoring every other person that as vying for his attention, and landing entirely on you and only you. Maybe you were a bit possessive too. You loved him when he came home from long nights, weary and barely mumbling a good night as he jumped into bed next to you. He snored like a lion and fell asleep quicker than the four kids in the room next door. You loved him when he cam home bloody and beaten. He always at down in a chair whilst you tended to his cuts and bruises, his hands between his knees and head bent like a prayer, and you always presses a kiss to his forehead before he even started to recoil from his position and hold you, his head pressed against your belly. You loved John. But his touch had lately been too much. Of course, you didn't tell him that. You were pretty sure John would die if he wasn't close to you for even ten minutes, he'd die, and you weren't willing to test out that theory. Instead, you gave a little smile when he came up behind you as you washed the dishes and wrapped his arms around your waist. You let him nuzzle his nose into your neck,

letting the discontent be seen only over his shoulder. It made you feel fragile, and stiff. John was asking you more and more, "Is this okay?" and "Can I touch you please?" and each time you perfected the art of saying yes convincingly. Sometimes though you watched him, snoring the house down at night, and whispered the words in the dead of night where not even the monster that lived in Katie's wardrobe could hear: "Help me, John." It was at the Garrison where you spilt over. After a long day, you were looking for a drink with your mates not another chance for John to grasp at you. You were just sat side by side in the snug, laughing at some stupid joke John had made (at the expense of their dear and absent cousin Michael) when you felt it. As soon as he had caught his breath after calling that certain 'big boss' a prick, his hand had landed on your knee. It shocked you at first, as John had been remarkably restrained all night. You thought it was cause of Tommy, who'd given both of you the side eye when you'd walked in, and said he didn't want any funny business. He hadn't touched you till that moment and it made you freeze. It took one flinch of your knee and his hand slipped away, but it didn't slip from sight. You could feel all the eyebrows in the room raising, even John's. "Hey, you and Y/N having a tiff ey, John boy?" Arthur chuckled to himself. You knew you must have made a face comparable to the horrible feeling inside, because as soon as he said it you saw his smile drop into regret. Arthur wasn't really a thinker, so you knew he never meant to say anything. Still, you didn't let him say his apology as you muttered something about being tired and jumped from your seat, walking out of the Garrison so quick you could've swore you were running. "Y/N! LOVE, HEY WAIT!" You heard John scream at you from down the street. Subtlety wasn't his specialty. You turned around, the tears stinging your eyes not quite clouding the clear worry on his face. "What's wrong, hey, love, please-" He stepped forward to hug you but you took a step back, head nodding wildly. The hurt in his face was as painful as if you had smacked him. And you hated yourself for it. "What did I do?" His voice trembled. His voice never fucking trembled. "I'm- I'm so fucking sorry, John, I love you, I swear." You felt every ounce of guilt in you swell up and pour itself into tears. "I don't know what's fucking wrong with me, why I can't just let you freaking touch me!" He moved forward again, arms out in a hug. Then he stopped, realising what he was doing and awkwardly settled his arms back down. "Shit, sorry love, it's just me, you know? I need to touch you." H scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "I don't know what it is, John." You said it again. "I love you, though. I love you." "I know," his cockiness had risen from its slumber. "And I love you too. If you don't want me to touch, then I won't." He held up his hands in surrender. "I can control myself." "No you can't," you quipped back, a smirk settling on your lips too. "No, but I will," he admitted. "If it's what you want." You nodded shyly, still feeling far too guilty and far too far away from him. "Here I was thinking I'd hurt you somehow, and all you needed was a bit of space," he sighed, the relief obvious in the little upturns of his mouth. "John, give me your hand," you said, an idea forming. He looked at you with furrowed brows but did so none the less. His hand still had faded bruises on the knuckles, covered up by an abundance of rings, a burn mark from his cigar hidden on the side of his middle finger, and you sought out for the crease on his palm which he swore on your first date meant that he was the best kisser you'd ever had. You didn't think it was palmistry that made that a fact. Gently, you pressed his hand on the side of your face over your hair. It was like a ghost of a touch, but you leaned into the curve of his palm lightly. "This is okay," you told him, John was perfectly still, looking at you with a cautious awe, his hand not daring to move from your assigned spot.

After a moment, he smirked again and got that cheeky look you adored: "So does this no touch thing mean no sex or-" He was cut off by you dropping his hand, rolling your eyes and walking away. "Wait no babe I was only joking!"

#john shelby #john Shelby imagine #john shelby x reader #john shelby fluff #john shelby fanfiction #john shelby preference #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders fluff #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders preference #tommy shelby #arthur shelby

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heyiwrotesomethings · 4 years ago

Text

It’s Been Too Long

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Reader

A/N: Alright Shinobu Community, take a fuckin’ sip babes. It’s kind of a long one. My brain was like, friends to enemies to friends to lovers? To which I replied, this is going to be simultaneously too long and too short. I love me some slow burn but also I can’t justify putting that much time into something like this lol. While writing this I learned that one becomes a Hashira by killing a demon moon OR killing at least fifty demons. I didn't know that before, but I was in too deep to fix things. Y’all are a Kinoe rank that probably should be a Hashira given how much slaying you’ve done, sorry! As far as warnings go, I think we’re good. Unless fighting and misunderstandings aren’t your thing. It’ll all be better in the end though! Word Count: 15,088

The estate was dark and bleak. It had rained for nearly a week straight, the patter of water against the solid structure of the tiled roof was a near constant companion to the blank static of despair that clouded everyone’s minds.

Kochou Kanae had died of lethal injuries bequeathed to her by a high ranking demon who had left her to bleed out as the sun made its appearance. Perhaps if it had risen even just a few minutes prior, she could have evaded such a cruel fate.

Shinobu had found her of course, the world is just that cruel, or perhaps kind in giving her sister that closure, to be able to see her one last time before she took her last gurgling breath.

It was appropriate, the rain. After the funeral it was a temporary reminder of the warmth that had been reaped from the estate, never to be felt again in this lifetime. Not that (Y/n), Kanao, Aoi, or the youngest residents of the estate needed a reminder. Shinobu certainly didn’t either.

“Shinobu, you didn’t come to dinner. Please try to eat something.” (Y/n) coaxed, sliding the door open. The only light came from a small lantern inside the swirling gloom of the room, highlighting Shinobu hunched over her desk with her head in her hands. “Shinobu?”

“It’s only been a week.” (Y/n) strained to hear the taut whisper of the girl who had grown to be her closest friend. The girl who had given her a second chance at life when she had nowhere else to go. It hurt to hear her sound so broken. “It feels like time is standing still and going too fast at the same time.”

(Y/n) set the light meal in front of Shinobu and leaned against the desk, the wood creaked slightly as she did so. “I know what you mean. I feel the same.”

It wasn’t the first time they’ve talked like this. To be survivors of such unthinkable atrocities, one could go crazy keeping it all locked inside. The guilt, fear, helplessness... sometimes the memories played on loop night after night, waking up to the screams in their minds making sick harmonies with their own.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Shinobu spoke tentatively after a moment of drizzling static tapping against the roof. She raised herself just enough to wrestle a paper out from under her arms and slid it to (Y/n). “Oyakata-sama has sent me a summons to meet with him and the Hashira. He intends for me to take,” Shinobu’s voice grew tighter and she could not bring herself to finish, instead a painful sounding intake of air was all that was audible.

(Y/n) took the paper, holding it close to her face as she squinted, the dull light of the lantern made the letter a bit difficult to read, but the message was clear.

“He wants you to take her place.” (Y/n) frowned, a pained gleam pricked at the corners of her eyes.

“It’s been too long, but yet, not long enough,” Shinobu’s fists tightened, “I know the world hasn’t stopped spinning, demons haven’t stopped killing, but why do they want to replace her so quickly? Why are they willing to toss her aside? I don’t...”

“Shinobu,”

Shinobu finally looked up at (Y/n), angry and mournful tears tracked down her face, “I’m not my sister, I’m not Hashira material. I can’t fill the hole she left, (Y/n)!”

(Y/n) abandoned her perch on the desk to crouch beside Shinobu, enveloping her in her arms. Shinobu tightly grasped her back, watery gasps and sharp inhales fell from her lips as she tried to gain control of her breathing once more.

“Oyakata-sama knows you aren’t Kanae. You’re strong in your own right, Shinobu. He wouldn’t breach the subject if he didn’t think you could succeed by your own merits.”

“I have to keep the estate in order, the infirmary, the girls... I can’t take all this responsibility—“

“You don’t have to,” (Y/n) cut her off, the words came a bit sharper than she meant them too, “you’re not alone Shinobu. We can all have our own parts to play. You don’t have to shoulder this all by yourself.”

“Thank you.” Shinobu’s voice cracked.

They had stayed up well into the night. They hardly talked, the two young girls sat huddled together, holding each other tightly. No matter how much they’ve been hurt, time continues moving forward. Just because a boat has been shredded against a reef, that doesn’t mean the waves will grant reprieve from their assault. No, one is expected to keep swimming or to swallow the salty brine and drown. The Butterfly Estate’s allotted time for grief had passed. Now they were being given the not so subtle command that it was time to get back to work.

***

“I wish you could come with me.” Shinobu said the next morning as she sat on the engawa to put on her shoes. “Even if they made you wait outside I would feel a bit better.”

“You’ll be okay, we’ll be thinking about you all day and waiting for you to come back home.” (Y/n) assured, resting her hand on Shinobu’s back. She was almost afraid to touch the haori Shinobu now adorned, as if her hand would pass right through the material.

(Y/n) was surprised when she saw Shinobu wearing it instead of her usual short white haori, though she supposed there was comfort in holding this piece of her sister close. Perhaps the butterfly patterned haori could comfort Shinobu where (Y/n) and the others could not.

(Y/n) must have been staring too long because Shinobu leaned away from her hand, catching it with her own before (Y/n) could withdraw it completely. Shinobu squeezed the hand a moment, (Y/n) swore her heart froze upon seeing the ghostly smile painted over Shinobu’s lips.

“You’re right. No point in fretting over it, is there?”

“...Right,” (Y/n) blinked, “yeah. You’re going to do great.” (Y/n) managed a smile in return but she could feel the corner of her lips tremble at the effort. She wasn’t sure why, but this smile Shinobu was sporting sent chills down her spine.

“I’ll be off then,” Shinobu stood, releasing (Y/n)’s hand as she stepped away from the engawa, “Do make sure to keep everything in order while I’m away.”

“Of course!” (Y/n) winced at her own volume and Shinobu exhaled a quiet chuckle before turning away to make her way down the path. (Y/n) watched until the haunting haori could no longer be seen between the wisteria trees.

***

It was rather late when Shinobu returned. (Y/n) had just helped the youngest girls of the estate get ready for bed and was heading to the kitchens to prepare some tea to help her sleep. She had jumped in her skin when she saw the back of the butterfly patterned haori in the dim lantern light. Shinobu turned at the sound and sent a small, tired smile (Y/n)’s way.

“I thought I’d catch you here before you turned in for the night.” Shinobu spoke. “You almost always take a cup of tea to bed. I hope you don’t mind having some of what I’ve already prepared.”

It wasn’t the first time Shinobu caught her going to the kitchen to make tea. Though usually it was much later in the dead of night when nightmares and grief kept sleep at bay. (Y/n) wasn’t sure what kind of leaves or brewing Shinobu did, but her tea always managed to knock (Y/n) out cold into deep, dreamless bliss. Something about the way Shinobu was speaking was rubbing (Y/n) the wrong way however. There was none of the familiar attitude. The bashful bitterness that came with the sweetness of the tea. (Y/n) decided to shake it off and returned Shinobu’s tired smile. It would take time for things to seem normal again.

“You know me too well. Thank you.” (Y/n) graciously took the cup, relishing in the cup’s warmth and the relaxing scent that wafted off of the steam. “How did today go?”

“It was... fine.” Shinobu’s smile faltered and she quickly disguised it by sipping her own tea. “I’m officially a Hashira. Insect Pillar Kochou Shinobu.”

“It has a nice ring to it.” (Y/n) put in after a moment’s consideration hidden behind the guise of her clearing her throat. She didn’t know if a ‘congratulations’ would be what Shinobu would want to hear give the circumstances that led up to her new title.

“And how was holding down the fort?” Shinobu asked. It seemed she wanted to shift the topic of conversation away from herself. Not that (Y/n) could blame her.

“Everything went smoothly. Well, Aoi did get a bit aggravated with Kanao about one of her coin decisions but we worked it out. Sumi, Kiyo and Naho are picking up the recovery training lessons quickly and are doing very well. The Kakushi have been taking great care of the infirmary. All patients were still stable last I checked in.” (Y/n) reported.

“Thank you for keeping up with all of that.”

“I have to pull my weight around here somehow.” (Y/n) replied, hiding a yawn behind one hand.

“It’s getting late. You should get to bed before the tea kicks in any further.” Shinobu said, putting her own cup down.

“Aren’t you getting tired too?”

“I made myself a different brew, actually. I’ve got more work to do.” Shinobu allowed herself a little sly smile at the tiny frown (Y/n) wore as she looked into her own empty cup as if it had betrayed her somehow.

“Well, don’t forget you need to sleep too. Don’t overwork yourself.”

“Goodnight, (Y/n).” Shinobu called over her shoulder. She was already walking out of the kitchen.

“I mean it Shinobu. Promise me you’ll sleep tonight.” (Y/n) gently demanded, slipping into the hall to fall in step beside Shinobu.

“I’ll promise to try. Is that acceptable?” Shinobu asked, a bit of familiar snark came through and it made (Y/n) relax a bit and nod.

“Alright. Goodnight, Shinobu.”

At the end of the hall they broke off in different directions. Shinobu to the lab and (Y/n) to her room.

***

(Y/n) went through most of her morning routine before going out of her way to find the newly appointed Hashira. She hadn’t seen her since they parted last night. (Y/n) groaned inwardly, already assuming she’d find the young scientist still balancing equations and mixing beakers.

(Y/n) adjusted her butterfly hairpin before knocking her knuckles against the door, waiting for a reply.

“Shinobu?” (Y/n) had called out after another knock led to no reply. (Y/n) frowned and slid the door open of her own volition, closing it behind her once she was inside. It didn’t take long for her to find the exhausted girl hunched over an array of papers, dead asleep.

“When I told you to go to sleep last night, I had your own bed in mind, not a desk.” (Y/n) sighed quietly.

(Y/n) startled at another knock at the door.

“Who is it?” She asked, keeping her voice soft as to not disturb Shinobu.

“It’s Hayato, miss.” The muffled voice called. Ah, one of the Kakushi. “Kochou-sama has guests to attend to.”

“Set them up in the garden with tea, please. Kochou-sama will meet them just as soon as she finishes these papers.” (Y/n) said. It would not do to have news of the young master of the estate sleeping so late in the morning, and at her desk no less.

The Kakushi dismissed himself to carry out his orders and (Y/n)’ shoulders relaxed as his footprints faded down the hall. (Y/n) didn’t want to wake Shinobu, but if her presence was required, then the meeting must be important.

“Hey, Shinobu,” (Y/n) called softly, gently shaking Shinobu’s shoulders, “you have guests that need to see you.”

Shinobu managed to curl further into herself, mumbling a few curses under her breath that (Y/n) couldn’t help but giggle at.

“Maybe you’d feel better if you had actually gone to bed instead of passing out like this.”

“Who is it, what do they need?” Shinobu grumped, sitting up to stretch her abused spine.

“I’m not sure. A Kakushi came by to tell you about them. I asked him to set them up in the garden with tea.”

“Thank you for taking care of that,” Shinobu rubbed her eyes and stood, her chair scratching against the floor, “I should get going then.”

“Let me fix your hair quick at least.” (Y/n) said, already freeing Shinobu of her own butterfly clip. “Hold still.”

“It’s a little hard when you keep tugging your fingers through my hair.” Shinobu winced.

“Sorry, just a second.” (Y/n) spoke around the butterfly wing that she held between her lips as her fingers worked to gather Shinobu’s hair. Once Shinobu’s hair was neatly clipped back into place, (Y/n) circled her and smoothed out the wrinkles in Shinobu’s clothes the best she could before finally backing away with a satisfied nod.

“Are you done yet?” Shinobu asked, a faint dusting of blush powdered her cheeks.

“Yeah, you still look tired, but at least you look a little more presentable.” (Y/n) said, opening the lab door and ushering Shinobu through it.

“Presentable.” Shinobu scoffed. “Come with me to the garden?”

“I don’t know if that would be appropriate. I’m not sure who is visiting.”

“Just make yourself busy in the blooms. You live here, you can go where you please.”

“Okay, I’ll come.”

The young girls made their way outside, it was warm and sunny, a bit humid as well after all the rain the week before. The sweet smell of the flowers invited deeper breaths to swallow up the scent into every bronchiole of their lungs.

(Y/n) broke off from Shinobu with a little wave, giving a respectful acknowledgment to the people waiting with their tea before busying herself with the flora. Checking on the quality of the plants as Kanae had taught her. The memories spent with the older girl who had taught her so much made (Y/n) shiver despite the warmth of the sun beating down.

(Y/n) would on occasion, discreetly observe the progression of the meeting. The smile Shinobu wore as she spoke to the visitors unnerved her. Even just the way Shinobu was holding herself now, prim and proper, (Y/n) wondered what they could possibly be talking about.

Then the familiar cawing of a crow circling over her head broke (Y/n) from her thoughts. She released her gentle grip over the flower she had stopped to smell and craned her neck to see her crow calling out to her. A mission, her heartbeat picked up in pace. She hadn’t been on one since a few days before Kanae’s death. How out of practice could she be?

“Pardon the noise,” (Y/n) bowed. The meeting had paused in their hushed conversation to observe the bird as well. (Y/n) hardly gave Shinobu a glance as she past. Her fingers trembling slightly as she made her way back inside to retrieve her nichirin blade from her room. (Y/n)’s mind buzzed and her crow’s caws sounded muted and muffled, far away. She kept walking, willing her breaths to remain controlled. Her concentration broke as a hand reached out from behind her and tugged her back.

(Y/n) turned to meet Shinobu’s eyes. Though more subdued, the concern she saw there was genuine.

“(Y/n), I kept telling you to stop. Are you listening to me?”

“I’m sorry, I guess I was just focusing on the mission ahead.”

Shinobu breathed deeply releasing the air in a shaky exhale before gripping (Y/n)’s face in one hand, surprising her.

“No you weren’t.” Shinobu’s grip was firm, “You need to concentrate on your surroundings. I was almost yelling at you just now. I need to know you are going to be able to keep your head about you out there.”

(Y/n) tried to nod her head but Shinobu’s hand kept her head in place.

“I need to hear you say it.” Shinobu said.

“I can keep my head. I will.” (Y/n) swallowed uncomfortably.

Shinobu searched (Y/n)’s face, slowly releasing her grip from (Y/n)‘s jaw and instead grabbed at the neck of (Y/n)’s uniform pulling her so close their noses bumped.

“You better,” She spoke softly.

“I will,” (Y/n) repeated.

Shinobu untensed, her fingers released (Y/n)’s uniform and she wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug that (Y/n) quickly reciprocated.

“Your meeting,” (Y/n) recalled after a moment.

“I asked to be excused. I’m the master of the estate, I can get away with escaping for for a few minutes.”

“I wouldn’t make a habit out of it if I were you.” (Y/n) attempted to joke.

“Only when it matters.” Shinobu nodded seriously, causing (Y/n)’s heart to leap.

(Y/n)’s crow cawed impatiently and the girls parted. (Y/n) left to retrieve her blade and Shinobu watched her back as she left, her hands clenched into tight fists beneath the sleeves of her sister’s haori.

***

Night after night, the missions kept coming. (Y/n) had begun to wonder if she’d ever get to go home again as days became weeks. Scattered letters between waves of demon slaying were the best she could manage to make sure everyone back home knew she was alright.

Another night, a new moon. A few more nights and it would be a full month since she’d last seen everyone. She was glad she took the time to say goodbye before she left. She never imagined she’d be asked to work for so long without reprieve.

Another well timed flower breathing technique beheads another demon and (Y/n) falls against the trunk of a tree breathing hard. She is uninjured but greatly fatigued. The thought to sit and rest hardly enters her mind before her crow commands her eastward to eliminate another threat before dawn.

Breath after breath, technique after technique, night after night (Y/n) fought until everything ached and beyond. When she saw the the sun peak out over the horizon it was almost enough to bring (Y/n) to tears, but she never faltered. She had to stay strong. This was the life she chose to pursue. To save people from the same fate that befallen so many people she had cared about.

It was during an exceptionally hot day when the sun was at its highest point that (Y/n) flinched awake at the shrill squawks she had grown to loathe.

“What?” She hissed between her teeth, her fingers knotting in the grass that had served as her bed for the day.

“Return home to the Butterfly Estate! Return home to recover and rest! Await further instruction!”

(Y/n) lifted herself to rest on her elbows to stare wide-eyed at the bird sitting in the tree branch overhead. For the first time in that very long month, she allowed the tears to finally fall.

***

(Y/n) felt nervous coming back after so long. She opted to return from the rear entrance in an attempt to not garner too much attention. She allowed herself a tentative smile as the gardens came into view. Her fingers skimmed across the colorful blooms as she walked, freezing up only when she saw Shinobu collecting herbs in the distance. Her foot snapped a twig, alerting Shinobu to glance behind her.

“Hi, stranger.” Shinobu simpered, getting to her feet. “Oh!”

(Y/n) forgot all her previous worries and jogged up to Shinobu, picking her up with the added strength that she had built up in her month long absence and twirled her around with abandon.

“(Y/n)?” Shinobu chuckled with surprise, bracing her arms around (Y/n)‘s shoulders as she was flung around.

“I missed you!” (Y/n) sniffled, finally putting the girl down but still holding her tightly.

“I missed you too.” Shinobu said, rubbing (Y/n)’s back. “What took so long getting back, hm?”

“Mission after mission after mission.” came (Y/n)’s bitter reply. “I actually cried when my crow told me I could come home... I don’t know why I told you that. That’s embarrassing.”

Shinobu laughed, pulling back from (Y/n) to get a good look at her. “My, (Y/n), I can tell your time away had made you stronger. Even if you are still a bit of a crybaby.”

“Hey!” (Y/n) pouted.

“(Y/n) is back!”

“Woah!”

(Y/n) was sent stumbling backward a few steps by three blurs of white. Naho, Sumi and Kiyo spoke a mile a minute filling in (Y/n) on all the goings on of the estate. Aoi and Kanao came by soon after and gave (Y/n) their own greetings, expressing their happiness over the slayer’s return in their own ways.

It was good to be home, it was. But after a few days, (Y/n) really got a chance to see how different Shinobu had become.

The tone of her voice carried like a soft breeze and a polite smile could always be seen on her lips. Aoi reminded (Y/n) more of the Shinobu she remembered than the current Shinobu before her. It unnerved her. The way Shinobu would tilt her head just so and giggle daintily into her hand... it was like staring at a ghost.

(Y/n) thought she could get over the change, but she simply couldn’t. Not when staring into those dark, purple eyes. Oh, how they swirled with anger and despair. If Shinobu couldn’t fully believe in the persona she had crafted for herself, then (Y/n) wouldn’t either. Late one night while helping Shinobu in the lab, (Y/n) finally decided to confront her.

“Why do you keep smiling like that?” (Y/n) frowned, worrying the page of the textbook before her between her fingers.

“Hm? I’m afraid I don’t quite know what you mean.” Shinobu replied casually, smile still firmly in place as she crushed some herbs under her pestle.

“You do too know what I mean,” (Y/n) eyebrows furrowed slightly in aggravation, “why do you keep smiling like you’re okay when you’re clearly not?”

“What have I said or done that makes you think I’m not okay? I’m perfectly fine, (Y/n),” she chuckled, “you worry for nothing.”

“That mask might have everyone else fooled... or maybe they’re just complacent, but I’m tired of pretending nothing is wrong. Talk to me, Shinobu.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Shinobu shook her head, “there is nothing to discuss. Perhaps I’ve kept you up too late.”

“You shouldn’t have to hide what you’re truly feeling,” (Y/n) persisted, “not from me at least. I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” Shinobu’s tone was nearly clipped as she crushed the herbs a bit more vigorously.

“Then stop acting so, so fake!” (Y/n) spat, wincing almost immediately as fast has the words came out. There was probably a better way she could have said that. Before she could apologize and try again, Shinobu put the pestle on the table with a harsh clink and stalked over to where (Y/n) was sitting. Fighting to keep her tone in check, she stared (Y/n) down with that plastic smile and spoke in a low, hushed tone that filled (Y/n)’s veins with ice.

“So I’m fake, is that right? People change, (Y/n). You were gone for a month, you can’t expect everyone to wait for you, to not change or grow in your absence.”

“People change, yes,” (Y/n) swallowed tightly at the proximity, “but whatever this is Shinobu, I really don’t think it’s healthy. I can tell you’re bottling something up. Kanae—”

“Leave.”

“...what?”

“Leave,” Shinobu closes the textbook in front of (Y/n) and although she does so with care, the sound is deafening in (Y/n)’s ears, “I don’t care where you go, just get out of my lab. I’ve had my fill of this mindless chatter.”

“Are you being serious right now?” (Y/n) clenched her fists and stood from her chair, the legs slid roughly against the wood below.

“Yes, I don’t have time for immature children right now I’m afraid.” Came Shinobu’s airy reply.

“Immature— stop acting like you know better than me, we’re both kids, we’re fourteen!“ (Y/n) seethes, “I’m worried about you! I care about you! Don’t you get it?”

“Your worry is unfounded. It’s late and you are being of no help to me like this so I’ll ask you once more, leave.”

(Y/n) felt heat pricking the corners of her eyes. “I feel like I don’t know who you are anymore.” She breathed. “But fine, I’ll leave if that’s what you want.”

“At this moment in time, I couldn’t ask for anything better.” Shinobu replied, turning her back to (Y/n) to continue what she had previously been working on.

Once (Y/n) shut the door with finality and her quick footsteps became softer as she ran down the hall, Shinobu exhaled harshly, gripping the pestle tightly in her hand as she mercilessly pounded the dried herbs into dust.

“Only immature people don’t control their emotions... only immature people...”

As Shinobu repeated her mantra, (Y/n) burst into her room and looked around her. With trembling hands she changed into a fresh uniform and packed a small bag of belongings and slinging it over her shoulder. She grabbed her haori and attached her nichirin blade to her hip.

She looked around the room once more and caught her reflection in the little hand mirror on her desk, catching the bright colors of a wing that secured her hair in place. She reached back, freeing her hair from the clip and stared at it. She ran her thumb over the decorative clip before setting it on the desk. She reached for a plain hair band and tied her hair back with that instead.

(Y/n) left her room, sparing one last hurt glance at the butterfly clip before exiting the estate grounds. Before long, her crow circled overhead and (Y/n) held her arm out for the bird to take perch. The crow cawed at her expectantly, questioning her.

“If she wants me to leave, then what else is there to do?” (Y/n) shuddered in the wind. She turned away from the estate, willing herself not to turn back.

“Where will you go?” The crow asked.

“...I don’t know.”

With every step leaving the warmth of the estate farther behind, (Y/n)’s heart grew heavier in her chest.

***

“Have any of you seen (Y/n) today?” Shinobu asked the girls once they had come back in after hanging the laundry out to dry.

A chorus of negatives and head shakes met her and she sighed inwardly. “Very well then. Thank you.”

Shinobu traveled through the maze of hallways that made up her home, easily finding herself in front of (Y/n)’s door, knocking politely. With no reply, Shinobu forced herself not to roll her eyes and opened the door.

“(Y/n), if this is about last night...” Shinobu blinked at the empty room. Futon made, clean floors, not a thing out of place, but no (Y/n).

“Perhaps she’s out training.” Shinobu said to herself. She was about to close the door and head off into the gardens when a glint from the desk caught her eye and she approached. A soft gasp left her lips as she picked up the hairpin. Cradling it in her hands, Shinobu forced her breaths to remain controlled. (Y/n) had never gone a day without wearing the pin since the Kochou sisters gifted it to her.

In the safety of the empty room, Shinobu allowed herself to slump over the desk. She held the discarded hairpin close to her chest, immediately understanding what this small symbol meant. Yes, she knew what it meant, she just wished to know why. She fought against the waves, against the feeling that she was drowning again.

***

Four years was a long time, and if you asked (Y/n), the demon slayer would say that was especially true with her line of work. The demons were never the same, but the routine in between was lonely and dull. Kill a demon, settle down at an inn or in the trees for the day, move to the next village and repeat. Sometimes the stays were longer, but that was the gist of it.

(Y/n) kept to herself most of the time. There wasn’t really a point in making anything more than loose acquaintances with the constant traveling and dangers her work presented. Even on the few missions she had been paired up with other slayers in the area, she focused on the job at hand before quickly making her way to her next assignment. That started to change after she met Kamado Tanjirou and his demon sister Nezuko.

They did not get off on the right foot to say the least.

(Y/n) had been sent to the same location as the young slayer for a mission and knew something was off about him right away. Something off with that box he carried around anyway. (Y/n) opted to let him be for the time being, focusing on the mission ahead. Skip forward to the heat of battle, and (Y/n) could hardly believe her eyes when a demon burst from the boy’s box to attack another demon that had snuck around Tanjirou’s back.

(Y/n) had no time to watch and focus on this new development at the moment, she had her own demons to take care of. Her flower breathing techniques weaved through her enemies and heads went flying. Before long, the mission was completed and (Y/n) turned to the boy breathing heavily in the dirt with the demon from the box hovering over him looking at (Y/n) with curious eyes.

“You’re really skilled, (Y/n)-san!” Tanjirou praised, somehow unaware of the danger his sister was in, “You don’t even look like you’re out of breath.”

“I’ve been doing this for years. I know a lot. For instance,” (Y/n) spoke, her face stern as stone as she readied her blade, startling Tanjirou, “every demon must be destroyed.” She went in with a quick slash aimed at the demon’s neck only to pause at the last second when the foolish younger boy leapt to his feet to shield the demon from the blow.

“What are you doing?” (Y/n) asked sternly.

“Wait, she’s my sister! She’s a good demon!”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that what you are doing is against corps rules. I can sympathize with wanting to hold onto your loved ones, but there is no such thing as a good demon. Step aside.”

“No, Nezuko has never eaten a human and she never will!” Tanjirou held his ground while his sister growled at (Y/n) from behind him.

(Y/n) rolled her eyes. “Alright then,” she said with a sarcastic sweetness, “prove it.”

“What?” Tanjirou blinked.

“Prove it, take off the muzzle. Let’s see if she has as much control as you claim she does.”

“But—“

“It shouldn’t be a problem, right? If she’s as docile as you claim what’s the issue?”

Tanjirou grit his teeth and gently pulled the muzzle to rest around his sister’s neck. (Y/n) stepped forward, her face inches away from the demon. She wasn’t worried, if the demon lunged for her she was confident she could slice its head the moment the air changed.

“Well demon?” (Y/n) sighed, surprising Tanjirou by slicing the pad of her thumb on her sharp blade, “hungry?”

To Nezuko’s credit, she hardly flinched. However, her eyes followed the path of the blood and a small trickle of drool slid past her lips. (Y/n) taunted her a bit further, waving the bloodied hand in front of her nose, still Nezuko held strong and even went as far as turning away.

“...I must say, I’m rather impressed,” (Y/n) finally spoke, stepping back from the demon and licking at her own wound, “marechi blood such as my own usually makes the demons go crazy,” she turns back to Tanjirou, “still, you must know that keeping a demon alive like this, especially as a slayer, is dangerous for both of you.”

“I know,” Tanjirou bowed his head.

“Well,” (Y/n) stretched and sighed, “as long as you know I guess it’s your own problem.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, just don’t call me out if a Hashira finds you out. I don’t feel like dying a disgrace.” (Y/n) waved him off. “You’re going to have to work even harder and be more discreet. That’s my advice to you.” And (Y/n) was going to leave it at that and walk away, but then her crow chanted in tandem with Tanjirou’s, calling them to continue forward together. (Y/n)��s eye twiched at the grating sounds.

“It looks like we’ll still be working together for some time, (Y/n)-san!” Tanjirou smiled, catching the older girl off guard by the sincerity behind it. You’d think he’d be more put off considering (Y/n) was planning to kill his sister not five minutes ago.

“I suppose we are.”

“Say, (Y/n)-san, you’re strong. You can help me get stronger too, right?”

“Mm!”

“Hey, get her off of me!” (Y/n) momentarily panicked as the demon wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Nezuko, manners!”

(Y/n) wasn’t sure what she had done to get saddled with the strange siblings, but she could tell her job just went above her pay grade.

***

As it turns out, the Kamado siblings weren’t so bad. In fact, (Y/n) was starting to get really attached to the two. It was when Inosuke and Zenitsu were pulled into their little group, that was when (Y/n) realized she didn’t know what true pain was.

“(Y/n)-san, marry me!”

“Flower Girl, fight me!”

All damn day and night.

(Y/n) thought she’d finally have reprieve once Tanjirou had healed up at the Wisteria House, but of course the two boisterous boys were being sent with them to their next mission, Natagumo Mountain.

Zenitsu cowered at the forest edge and (Y/n) felt no remorse in leaving him behind as she sprinted ahead of Inosuke and Tanjirou, freeing the puppeted Mizunoto slayers.

Eventually they had been split off from each other to fight their own battles. (Y/n) was tired but otherwise unharmed, surprised when a small Nezuko came barreling into her.

“Nezu—?” (Y/n) gasped as the air shifted above her and she dodged the quick swipe aimed at the tiny body that clung to her. She quickly pivoted, blade in hand, and crossed swords with the assailant her eyes blowing wide at the placid face in front of her.

“Kanao?!” (Y/n) yelled out, the nostalgia and adrenaline coursing through her body was an odd, slightly terrifying combination.

Kanao tilted her head, her lips parted ever so slightly as recognition gleamed in her eyes. Despite this, Kanao did have a mission to complete and (Y/n) was keeping her from completing her orders. She continued swiping at the older girl she used to know, trying to behead the demon she could not fathom why she was protecting.

(Y/n) parried and blocked best she could, taking a defensive approach while she tried to talk Kanao down. She didn’t want to hurt Kanao, but she didn’t want Nezuko to be killed either.

Finally a saving grace, a crow swooping by with a message that saved Nezuko’s neck. (Y/n) sighed in relief as Kanao pulled back. Still looking at (Y/n) she pointed to the small demon that had wrapped herself tightly over (Y/n)’s back.

“Is this Nezuko?” She asked looking for a positive ID on the demon in question.

“Yes.” (Y/n) easily replied.

“Come with me then.” Kanao said, already corralling (Y/n) and her demon backpack in the direction of the forest edge.

(Y/n) walked alongside her a bit begrudgingly. If she made a break for it, she could have probably gotten away, but it was very likely Tanjirou and the others were already in custody. The best chance they had now was to do as they were told and hope Nezuko’s resolve would stand firm.

So (Y/n) hid Nezuko in her haori as the sun began to peak over the hills and followed Kanao to the clearing of bustling Kakushi. On the way, she began preparing her story for the trial she was sure her little team was bound to endure.

She was immediately broken from her thoughts at the ethereal sight of the Insect Pillar emerging from another point of the woods with the Water Pillar and a badly beaten Tanjirou on his back.

(Y/n)’s breath caught in her throat as those deep, dark eyes found hers at it was like time was at a stand still. At least it would have been if not for Shinobu steadily making her way towards her, her expression painfully impassive beyond the small upturn of her lips. Shinobu kept coming until she was directly in front of (Y/n).

Nezuko stirred in her sleep, clutching at (Y/n)’s back as if she could sense anxiety in the slayer’s heart. The demon was the only thing grounding her at this point as Shinobu tilted her head, an almost sinister look in her eye as she observed the small demon bundle protected by (Y/n)’s haori. All too soon, her cold eyes found their way back to (Y/n)’s and she spoke.

“I’m not going to have to tie you up, am I?”

(Y/n) closed her eyes briefly and tried to take a calming breath. With a short, almost imperceivable shake of her head, she hoarsely replied.

“No.”

“Let’s try to keep it that way then.”

Shinobu and Kanao had let (Y/n) help Nezuko into her box, but then they immediately separated the two, having a Kakushi carry the box with a wary look in her eyes. (Y/n) did her best not to look behind her where Kanao and Shinobu walked, no doubt watching her for any sign of flight.

She gulped, eyes nervously shifting to the Water Pillar walking beside her, and the Kakushi who was now carrying Tanjirou in his stead. The Water Pillar spared her an emotionless glance as he forged ahead.

“Is he going to be alright?” She asked in a hushed tone.

Enough time had passed after her question that (Y/n) had figured the man wasn’t in the mood to talk, understandably so, but (Y/n) was worried about the state Tanjirou was in. She nearly jumped out of her skin when he actually answered her minutes later.

“That will all depend on how the trial goes.”

(Y/n) felt dread pool in her stomach as they continued to march down the mountain.

***

The garden of the Master’s estate would have been lovely on any other occasion, but (Y/n) could only bring herself to stare at the pebbles below her knees and Tanjirou passed out at her side. They had taken Nezuko somewhere else in the meantime, she could only hope they would let the demon be, let her prove herself in front of them instead of killing her on principle.

(Y/n) could feel that Shinobu was standing just behind her but she dared not engage. Four years of silence between the two and a trial for treason in the highest regard had brought them together again. (Y/n) wanted to scream.

Finally Tanjirou began to stir and (Y/n) allowed herself to push away her turmoil to rouse the younger boy gently. The last thing they needed was for him to be all up in arms before the trial even officially began.

“(Y/n)-san,” Tanjirou winced, “where are we? Where is Nezuko?”

“We’re at the Demon Slayer Headquarters,” (Y/n) replied, her voice was hardly above a whisper as she felt the pressure of all the Hashira’s eyes boring into them, “I don’t know where they’re keeping Nezuko, but right now you need to focus on the trial ahead.”

“The trial?”

“For harboring a demon, Tanjirou.”

“I wouldn’t bother trying to justify it! A crime as heinous as yours only ends one way!” Rengoku Kyojirou loudly proclaimed, rallying a range of replies from his fellow pillars.

“Now that he’s finally awake to witness his punishment, let’s behead these traitors and the demon and get on with our lives.” Uzui Tengen added.

“Please,” (Y/n) forced her voice not to waiver, “allow him to explain the situation at least—“

“You’re in no position to be asking for favors, girl.” Obanai Iguro cut her off, glaring down at her from where he lounged on a tree branch. “You had best hold your tongue. A slayer at your rank should be ashamed. I’m surprised you haven’t already sliced yourself open for the embarrassment you’ve brought to the corps.”

“Iguro-san!” Kanroji gasped at the harsh words.

“Who are these people, (Y/n)-san?” Tanjirou groaned, noticing for the first time that his hands were tied tightly behind his back.

“Tanjirou, are you serious?” (Y/n)’s tone was hushed and urgent, “they’re the Hashira! You know, best of the demon slayers?”

“I don’t know, umph!” (Y/n) hastily covered his mouth, a nervous sweat gathered at her brow.

“Just try to be respectful, will you? You already broke the thin ice you’ve been traveling on, let’s try not to drown as well!”

“This isn’t right, (Y/n)-san! Where is Nezuko? Zenitsu? Inosuke? Murata?” Tanjirou spoke out, his voice heavy with emotion as he fought his way up to his knees.

“What I want to know is why we haven’t tied Tomioka or the Kinoe ranked slayer.” Obanai sneered from his tree, ignoring Tanjirou’s desperate tone. “They are both part of the boy’s schemes and should be punished as such. How are we going to teach them a lesson?”

“Oh they’ll be fine,” (Y/n) shivered hearing Shinobu speak above her from where she knelt in the pebbles, “we’ll come up with a penalty later.”

(Y/n) froze, her eyes refused to look up beyond the feet that stood before Tanjirou and herself.

“What I’m interested right now, is hearing this boy’s story.” Shinobu said. “He’s been traveling with a demon all this time, and I wish to hear why. It must be quite the tale to have Tomioka-san break ranks,” the feet take a step closer and Shinobu’s voice dropped in volume, “and you as well, (Y/n).”

(Y/n) tightened her grip over her pant leg, still refusing to look up. She could imagine an array of expressions her old friend could be wearing right now that could cut her deeper than any blade. Pity, anger, disgust, smugness, apathy, that blank smile... no, (Y/n) couldn’t bear to look up.

“So why, Kamado Tanjirou?” Shinobu asked.

“Who cares?” Uzui scoffed from a few yards away, yet he waited for the boy to explain himself.

“She’s my—“ he broke into a fit of coughs and (Y/n) tried to soothe his back, telling him to breathe.

Shinobu stooped down, a gourd of water in hand, offering the water to Tanjirou and finally catching (Y/n)’s eyes as the boy drank the medicated water. When Shinobu’s eyes returned to Tanjirou, (Y/n) remembered how to breathe.

“She’s my little sister!” Tanjirou proclaimed. “She’s never hurt anyone and she never will!”

A few of the Hashira began casting their doubt, but Tanjirou powered through.

“I became a slayer to find a cure for her! In two whole years since she became a demon, she’s never eaten a single person! Let her continue to fight by my side!”

“Well, well, looks like the fun’s already starting.”

(Y/n) turned her head and her breathing hitched. Of course the Wind Pillar of all people would get his hands on Nezuko’s box.

“Is this the boy who has been traveling with a demon? Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Shinazugawa asked with a sinister grin.

“Please put down the box Shinazugawa-sama!” The Kakushi (Y/n) recalled to have prior possession of the box pleaded.

“Shinazugawa, please do not act out of line.” Shinobu warned.

“Nah, run that by me again, kid?” Sanemi jeered, holding the box precariously in one hand, “fighting alongside a demon? Impossible, you idiot!”

Tanjirou and (Y/n) called out in horror as the Hashira rammed his blade clean through the box, skewering Nezuko.

Tanjirou scrambled to his feet and lunged at Sanemi, (Y/n) was about to get to her feet as well, but Shinobu held her firmly in place, clutching (Y/n)’s arm tightly while shooting her a warning glance.

(Y/n) could only watch, mouth agape, as Tanjirou head butted Shinazugawa to the ground.

Mitsuri attempted to stifle a snort, covering her face in her hands.

“If you can’t tell the difference between good demons and bad ones, then you don’t deserve to be a Hashira!” Tanjirou yelled.

“We’re doomed.” (Y/n) whispered weakly. She felt as if all her blood was sinking to her knees, sinking as fast as their chance of forgiveness down the drain.

Before Sanemi could retaliate, a couple of Oyakata-sama’s children announced the Master’s arrival. (Y/n) was quick to follow Shinobu in a bow, wincing when she heard what could only be Sanemi pounding Tanjirou into the rocks, forcing him to bow.

“Hello everyone,” Oyakata-sama addressed the garden, his voice carried in the warm breeze, “how good it feels to have you all here.”

Sanemi greeted the Master, formally asking for an explanation. If not for the seriousness of the moment, (Y/n) would have rolled her eyes.

“The Kamado siblings have been sanctioned, you see. I request you all respect that.” Oyakata stated simply.

An array of mostly negative objections arose at this ending with Sanemi calling for punishments for Tanjirou, (Y/n), and Giyuu.

The Master stood silently for a moment before asking one of his children to read a letter aloud. A letter from a previous Hashira, detailing Nezuko’s history. The letter also revealing that should Nezuko fail; Urokodaki, Tanjirou, and Giyuu would atone through seppuku.

A few of the Hashira were still willing to speak against such a plan, swearing that it was not a risk worth taking. Once there was a lull in their heated remarks, Ubuyashiki saw fit to address (Y/n).

“(Y/n), my child.”

(Y/n)’s head jutted up at the sudden call of attention to her presence. “Ye— yes, Master?”

“Why do you think that of the squad that has been built around you, only you are here?” Oyakata-sama asked with an warm smile.

“I would suppose it would be because I should know better than a ragtag group of Mizunoto, Master.” came (Y/n)’s subdued reply.

“I would hope so.” The Master chuckled, causing heat to bloom across (Y/n)’s cheeks. “Why didn’t you kill the demon?”

“I was going to, but she proved herself to me,” (Y/n) began speaking more evenly as she recalled the moment, “I presented her with my blood, my rare blood, and she turned away. I have traveled with the Kamado siblings for weeks and not once had Nezuko hurt anyone. She protects people, she sleeps to replenish energy. Based on everything I have observed, I believe in Nezuko. I believe in Tanjirou.”

“Would you stake your life on this along with the others listed here today?” Oyakata-sama asked.

(Y/n) breathed in, firmly nodding her head. Her eyes meeting Ubuyashiki’s milky blank one’s despite his lack of vision.

“Yes, I would.”

Shinobu’s hold on (Y/n)’s bicep curled. (Y/n) hadn’t realized she had still been holding her down.

“And here we have three, now four, people willing to take responsibility for this demon. What say you, my children?” The Master asked the Hashira warmly.

“Forgive me Master, but this is not a matter of numbers!” Sanemi yelled, “Demons are sick creatures that need to be put down and I’ll prove it to you now!”

Sanemi sliced his arm, much more blood than (Y/n) had conjured with the small cut to her thumb that she had presented to Nezuko. She and Tanjirou watched as the blood dripped to the box, staining the lacquered wood.

“No good doing this in the light.” Obanai said, “it won’t come out unless it’s dark.”

Sanemi dashed to the shaded engawa, enticing Nezuko to come out with another stab at the box.

“No!” Tanjirou yelled, he made to scramble to the engawa, but was quickly subdued by Obanai.

“Stop!” (Y/n) echoed Tanjirou’s sentiments, pulling against Shinobu’s hold. “Why are you being so needlessly cruel?”

Sanemi ignored them, a wicked grin on his face as he watched Nezuko emerge from the box, growling lowly.

“Well then, demon?” He sneered, holding out his arm.

(Y/n) could tell Nezuko was straining against the pull of the marechi blood. With all of the injuries she had sustained working against her as well, it couldn’t be easy for the demon to hold back.

“Nezuko!” Tanjirou wheezed as Obanai was pincering his lung painfully with his elbow.

“Kamado-kun,” Shinobu addressed, “don’t struggle too much while in that hold, your lung might burst.”

Tanjirou only struggled harder, surprising everyone when he broke through his rope restraints and stumbled towards the engawa. Tomioka stopped Obanai from pinning him again.

“Nezuko!” Tanjirou called again.

His voice seemed to finally break through to Nezuko and after a few tense moments, she turned away from Sanemi in disgust.

(Y/n) couldn’t help the relieved smile that overtook her lips.

Once the scene was relayed to the Master, he seemed pleased with the report. He told Tanjirou that although Nezuko had done well to prove herself, they would need to grow even stronger before they could be fully accepted by the others. With that wisdom, he said they were free to go.

(Y/n) startled as Shinobu finally let her go, raising her arm to speak. “If all is well then Oyakata-sama, allow me to provide lodging for them.”

Both (Y/n) and Tanjirou seemed a bit wary of this sudden hospitality, (Y/n) even more so, but if Shinobu noticed or cared she didn’t show it, signaling the Kakushi who had been standing by to gather the injured boy and the demon.

The Kakushi tasked with carrying Nezuko seemed a bit frightened of the little demon kneeling in her box, so naturally (Y/n) rose to carry her instead.

“I’ve got her.” She smiled kindly and reached for the box and secured it shut, but not before giving the demon girl a few well earned head pats that rose Nezuko’s mood greatly.

Another Kakushi picked up Tanjirou then (Y/n) and the two Kakushi quickly made their retreat. That is, until Tanjirou bursted back into the garden asking to headbutt Sanemi.

“Please excuse us!” (Y/n) and the two Kakushi bowed deeply once they got him back under control and sped off twice as fast. (Y/n) and the Kakushi running beside her berated Tanjirou from where he sat on the other Kakushi’s back for such a disrespectful display after being allowed the impossible.

When they reached the Butterfly Estate, (Y/n)’s heart squeezed in her chest. The grounds looked to be near the same as the night she had left. No one was there to greet them at the door, so they went around the gardens and found Kanao standing amongst the butterflies.

“Hi, Kanao.” (Y/n) greeted the younger girl bashfully. Now that they weren’t battling over keeping Nezuko’s head, (Y/n) finally took in how much she had grown in four years.

Kanao stayed silent, a serene smile on her lips as she merely observed the group that had approached her.

“What are you all here for?” A sharp voice called from behind them, causing the Kakushi to jump and spin to quickly explain they were here to put Tanjirou in the infirmary.

“Well then come with me...” Aoi’s words trailed off a bit once her eyes found (Y/n)’s face.

“Hi Aoi,” (Y/n) gave a nervous half wave, “you’ve gotten a bit taller.”

Aoi marched straight up to (Y/n) and berated her with a barrage of small fists pounding painlessly against her chest. “What would you expect after being gone so long!” She sniffed, “Four years without a single letter or visit? We thought you were dead, idiot!”

“(Y/n)-san? Do you know these people?” Tanjirou asked from Gotou’s back.

“Yeah, I uh, sorta used to live here.” (Y/n) replied, allowing Aoi to continue hitting her to her heart’s content.

“‘Sorta used to live here’, you’re family! You have always had a place here! Now come on, I’m sure Kiyo, Sumi, and Naho will have a bone to pick with you as well. And Shinobu-sama!” Aoi’s fist struck especially hard at the thought, “Shinobu-sama is going to have some choice words for you when she gets back I just know it!”

Aoi led them all inside, occasionally throwing a few more jabs into (Y/n)’s side to make sure she was really there. She didn’t admit that was what they were for of course, she played it off more as a punishment for disappearing for so long.

There was screaming coming from the infirmary and (Y/n) would have been worried if she hadn’t recognized the sound almost immediately.

“Zenitsu!” Tanjirou called excitedly.

While Tanjirou and poor Gotou were dealing with the sobbing, snotty boy, Aoi had dragged (Y/n) over to Kiyo who had been tending to Zenitsu only moments before.

“Look who finally decided to come home.” Aoi told the younger girl who looked up, tilting her head. (Y/n) almost thought Kiyo hadn’t recognized her. Being as young as she was, she wouldn’t have blamed her, but then she burst forward and hugged (Y/n) tightly around her waist.

“What’s going on in here? Hm, Aoi-san, Kiyo?”

Naho and Sumi had made their way into the infirmary with a basket of fresh linens and paused at the entryway for a moment before they realized who their friend was hugging and ran over to join her with tears in their eyes.

“(Y/n)-san, where have you been all this time?” Naho whimpered.

“Why didn’t you say anything before you left?” Sumi cried.

“I’m sorry,” (Y/n) knelt down to better hug them all, “I know it’s not enough to make up for anything, but I’m sorry for leaving like that. It wasn’t fair,” she looked up to meet Aoi’s stern blue eyes, “to any of you.”

“Well, make it up to us by sticking around from now on.” Aoi said, crossing her arms. “No more running away.”

“But...” (Y/n) was conflicted. Had Shinobu not told the girls why she had left? (Y/n) mustered up the best smile she could and nodded feebly. “All right.”

“(Y/n)-san, your box is... humming?” Sumi pointed at the wooden box.

“Oh, um, you see... in this box is my friend, Nezuko,” (Y/n) treaded carefully, not wishing to startle the girls too badly if she could help it.

“You have someone in a box?” Aoi barked, “well let them out for goodness sake!”

“It’s a little bright in here...” (Y/n) shifted her vision to where Tanjirou and Zenitsu were talking, catching sight of Inosuke as well. Poor boar boy looked like he’d seen better days. “And I’m not sure that Shinobu-” should she still speak of her so informally? “-would be pleased if I let her out without her blessing.”

“Why wouldn’t Shinobu-sama allow you to let someone out of a box?” Aoi rolled her eyes.

“It’s complicated. I’m sure she’ll want to talk to you all about it once she comes back. Until then, Nezuko will be fine in here.”

The girls, though incredulous, let the subject drop for now. Although, they couldn’t help but eye the box with suspicion. Once Tanjirou was settled in the infirmary, the butterfly girls dragged (Y/n) away to talk about the goings on of the last four years which soon devolved into hounding (Y/n) for her own stories to share, even Kanao had come by to sit and listen.

“...And that’s how I helped the fishing village take care of the demon that was lurking in the sea.”

“Tell us another one, (Y/n)-san!” The youngest girls pleaded, kicking their feet in the air behind them. They had migrated to lay flat on their stomachs as the stories progressed and watched (Y/n) recount her adventures with their heads propped up on their arms with rapt attention.

“I’m afraid that will have to wait for another time, it’s quite late you know.”

Everyone turned to the door to find Shinobu staring down at them. The youngest girls pouted a bit, trying to get a bit more time to stick around, but Shinobu held firm and directed them to their rooms.

“You’ll still be here tomorrow, right? (Y/n)-san?” Sumi asked from the doorway.

“I...” (Y/n) pulled at the sleeve of her uniform and subtly pursed her lips while trying to figure out how to proceed, to her surprise, Shinobu spoke up on her behalf.

“I promise you’ll see her in the morning. Now of to bed. (Y/n) and I have much to discuss.”

The thought of having a prolonged conversation with Shinobu sent shivers through (Y/n)’s spine. Once all the girls were well out of sight, Shinobu redirected her attention to (Y/n).

“Let’s drop off your cargo first,” Shinobu said, motioning to the box sitting beside (Y/n), “I’ve arranged a room and Kamado-kun has been wondering where his... sister, has been.”

“Of course.” (Y/n) stood, shouldering the box.

Apparently the room was rather far. (Y/n) felt as if the silence between them was slowly eating at her until she finally decided to speak. For better or for worse.

“You’ve taken all of this extraordinarily well,” (Y/n) commented, testing the waters.

“Mm, I’d like to hold off on any conversation until we drop off the demon. Use this time to gather any thoughts, if you have them that is.”

(Y/n)’s brow furrowed slightly, eyes narrowed. She was sure that was some kind of dig at her intelligence, but she held her tongue.

They dropped off Nezuko, (Y/n) and Tanjirou bid each other good night, and then (Y/n) was led to an all too familiar space, the lab.

Shinobu motioned for (Y/n) to sit at one of the less cluttered tables while she closed the door firmly behind them. (Y/n) would have been lying if she said she wasn’t even just a tad bit concerned by the setting of this ‘talk’ that was about to unfold. Finally, Shinobu took the stool across from her on the other side of the table. She laced her fingers together, using them to prop up her chin as her endlessly amethyst eyes bore into (Y/n)’s. That ghostly smile seemingly perfected after four years of separation, had (Y/n)’s hands clench into fists under the table.

“So,” Shinobu began, her voice deceptively sweet, “when exactly do you think it was when you completely lost your mind?”

“Excuse me?” (Y/n)’s eye twitched.

“Defending a demon, offering up your own life for a demon to live... how insanely idiotic. I thought you were smarter than that. I suppose it had been.. four years, was it? Four years since you ran off. And I thought that was the most careless thing you could ever do. You really have outdone yourself!”

“Stop,” (Y/n) had heard enough of these little jabs and she new well enough Shinobu could go all day as long as she hadn’t changed too drastically in their time apart. However, Shinobu powered through.

“Everyone was devastated when you left you know. We were a family and you just up and left in the middle of the night without a word so soon after—“ After Kanae, “Now you’re putting everything on the line for some demon? You’re a coward. A selfish coward.”

(Y/n) was really angry now. She stood up so fast her stool clattered to the ground behind her. She slammed her hands against the table and stared furiously into Shinobu’s placid expression, though she could detect a hint of a heated spark in those deep purple eyes.

“Don’t act like you’re so innocent in all of this! You told me to leave! You want to judge me for trusting Nezuko with my life, fine! But I only did what you commanded of me when I left. You don’t get to say I just fucked off because you think I didn’t care enough!”

Shinobu had the nerve to chuckle, though no trace of humor was there, as she slowly rose to her own feet and assumed a similar stance over the table as (Y/n).

“Did you really think when I said that, when I told you to leave the lab, I meant I wanted you to walk out of my life?” Shinobu asked seriously.

“I didn’t know what you wanted! You weren’t the same person anymore! Don’t try telling me that it wasn’t what you wanted either, you never came looking for me. You never sent your crow. Tell me you weren’t ecstatic when you woke up that morning and didn’t have to deal with me anymore!”

Shinobu slapped her own hand against the table, a vein pulsed painfully under the skin of her forehead. She opened her mouth to retort, poisoned words ready to lash out with a flick of her tongue, but as luck would have it, a Kakushi nervously called from the other side of the door.

“Kochou-sama, the treatments for the, uh, despiderfication of the slayers from Natagumo Mountain are ready to be carried out with your supervision.”

Shinobu closed her eyes, breathing in deeply before opening them again and looking significantly more drained.

“I see. Please inform the others that I’ll be there in a few moments.”

“Right away, Kochou-sama.”

As the footsteps pattered away, (Y/n) fixed her stool upright before heading in the direction of the door, assuming she and Shinobu were done talking, or screaming rather. (Y/n) was surprised to feel Shinobu grasp her hand as she tried to pass by.

“You remember where your room is, right?” Shinobu asked, the undertones of her voice still taut with anger.

(Y/n) too tired to fight on, responded simply with a mute nod.

“I had the Kakushi clean it earlier today. Everything should still be as you left it.”

Shinobu let go of (Y/n)’s hand and it immediately felt cold. The Hashira opened the lab door and stepped out into the hallway, her back to (Y/n) as she made her last parting statement.

“If you know what is good for you, you won’t step a foot outside of estate grounds without speaking to me first.”

“And if I don’t?” (Y/n) asked just to be obstinate.

“Then I guess I’ll have to hunt you down for sport.” Shinobu quickly replied, turning to face (Y/n) just to show her how serious she was.

(Y/n) couldn’t help the weak guffaw that left her lips. To hear such a threat delivered by such a soothing tone was practically oxymoronic.

Shinobu lingered for a moment longer before gliding off to see to her patients while (Y/n) turned down the opposite end of the hallway and traveled down a few more to find herself standing outside of her old room. She opened the door, the space was clean as Shinobu promised. She closed the door softly behind her, blocking off the light from the hall. There would be time to be sentimental in the morning. Right now, between the Mountain, the trial and the emotional battle with the Insect Hashira herself, (Y/n) was exhausted. She scooted her way into the freshly made futon and fell asleep with the nostalgic smell of wisteria petals drifting through her airways.

***

(Y/n) awoke around mid-morning to the sun shining through her window. She stretched and got dressed, her fingers pausing over the last few buttons of her uniform as she glanced over the desk.

The butterfly hair clip she had once worn with pride sat in front of her. It appeared to be left untouched by time. Not even a speck of dust adorned the colorful wings. She reached out to it, but her fingers curled just before she touched it. She pulled her hand back as a knock sounded on the door.

“Yes?”

“It’s Aoi.” A voice called from the other side.

(Y/n) quickly took the last few steps needed to reach the door and slid it open to greet Aoi but before she could, the stern girl stepped inside and pulled the door shut again.

“Were you and Shinobu-sama fighting last night?” She asked hurriedly.

“Where did you hear that?” (Y/n) answered the question with one of her own.

“The Kakushi are partial to gossip. Now what did you do!” Aoi huffed, jabbing (Y/n)’s shoulder.

“Why does it have to be me? Shinobu was the one who started it!” (Y/n) backed up, rubbing her shoulder.

“You two better make up soon. It will hurt Naho, Sumi and Kiyo if they find out you’re still mad at each other,” Aoi crossed her arms over her chest.

“It’s not that easy, Aoi. It’s been four years. It’s not all going to go away overnight.”

“Do I have to do everything around here?” Aoi grumbled to herself, passing a hand over her face. “I’ll help you, but you better try to be civil.”

“Aoi, I don’t need help. I’m sorry that fight got back to you. If Shinobu and I talk again, I promise I’ll try harder to keep my temper in check, okay?”

Aoi sighed and shook her head, “Fine. That wasn’t what I had come to talk to you about anyway.”

“Oh,” (Y/n) tilted her head, “then what is it?”

“Your friends,” Aoi pinched the bridge of her nose, “they’re driving me crazy. I need you to get the blonde and the boar to participate in recovery training.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” (Y/n) answered with slight reluctance. She knew just how difficult those two could be.

Aoi and (Y/n) arrived at the room that was being used for the boys’ recovery training. Tanjirou was already working hard, trying to catch Kanao in a game of tag, while Zenitsu and Inosuke watched from the corner with bitter disinterest.

“Hey,” (Y/n) addressed the younger teens, “what’s the problem? Don’t you guys want to get better? Stronger?”

“It’s pointless.” Inosuke weakly answered.

“(Y/n)-san, this training is too difficult!” Zenitsu cried.

(Y/n) dodged the weepy blonde’s attempts at hugging her and bonked him on the head with the side of her fist.

“I feel no sympathy for you. Aoi and the others are working really hard to get you back in fighting shape, the least you could do is put a little bit of effort in!” (Y/n) crossed her arms, “before you know it, Tanjirou will leave you both in the dust. Do you really want that?”

Zenitsu and Inosuke grunted, still refusing to budge. (Y/n) motioned for Naho to hand her a cup of medicated water and promptly splashed its contents all over the boys.

“What was that for?” Zenitsu screeched.

“Want revenge? Come take me on.” (Y/n) motioned to the table of cups.

Naho, Sumi and Kiyo made small sounds of excitement, trying to encourage the boys, but they just grumbled and walked back to the infirmary.

“You guys are going to regret walking away!” (Y/n) called after them. “Let me know when you are done moping and want to get back to work!”

“Oh my.” Shinobu giggled as she walked in, watching Zenitsu and Inosuke sulk past her.

Shinobu turned to observe the room, pausing at (Y/n). Her eyes flickered down at (Y/n)’s chest and stayed there long enough for the other slayer to notice.

“What?” (Y/n) had grumbled mostly to herself as she followed Shinobu’s gaze downward. Heat shot to her face immediately as she realized she had forgotten to finish buttoning her uniform after Aoi distracted her. It wasn’t showing a lot, just her collar bones and a bit of her chest, but it was still jarring. With a strangled chirp, she quickly buttoned her uniform the rest of the way.

“Oh please, no need to cover up on my account.” Shinobu easily teased, though she felt a bit embarrassed to have been caught staring. She wasn’t entirely sure why her vision gravitated there to begin with.

After a few false starts, (Y/n) finally choked out, “what do you want?”

“I need Kanao and Aoi to help me gather more herbs for spider demon antidotes, not that it’s any of your business.”

“Kochou-sama,” Aoi interjected before (Y/n) could retaliate, “Kanao and I are helping Tanjirou complete his recovery training for the day. I’ve asked (Y/n)-san to fill in for us and she has readily agreed to take our place.”

(Y/n) gave Aoi a look, prompting the younger girl to pinch at (Y/n)’s side discreetly. A message to keep her mouth shut. Kanao simply blinked, twisting on the ball of her foot to dodge another one of Tanjirou’s lunges.

“Very well then, keep up (Y/n). I hope you still remember a thing or two about plants in that thick skull of yours,” Shinobu glided past (Y/n) to step out onto the engawa, “though I wouldn’t be too surprised if all of that knowledge fell out of your head along with your common sense.”

(Y/n) opened her mouth before shutting it firmly closed. Remembering that the younger girls were there and what Aoi had asked of her, she pursed her lips and silently fell into step beside the Hashira, walking with her to the nearby forest where the herbs they needed flourished.

“You recall what Aralia Cordata looks like, correct?” Shinobu asked once they were well within the trees.

“Yeah, kind of hard to miss that shrub if you know what you’re looking for.” (Y/n) groused.

“Fine, fine. Don’t come crying to me if you touch something poisonous.”

“I won’t. Won’t touch anything poisonous I mean. Because I know what I’m doing.”

“Are you telling me that or are you just trying to reassure yourself?”

(Y/n) chose not to reply, instead she split off from Shinobu to one of the shrubs in question and began harvesting a few leafy tendrils from it. Before long, her basket was filled and she turned just in time to see Shinobu turn back to her own bush, pretending to examine one of the tendrils she had cut.

“You know,” (Y/n) sighed as she stood back to her full height, “Aoi only made me come here in her stead because that fight we had last night got back to her. She expects us to make up.”

“Mm, I figured it was something like that,” Shinobu hummed, “I do believe that for once, she is too optimistic in that regard.”

“Well, you never did like admitting when you were wrong,” (Y/n) shrugged, “or saying you’re sorry. It’s comforting to know you haven’t completely destroyed your old personality.”

“And what exactly have I been wrong about, (Y/n)?” Shinobu’s forehead pulsed, “what exactly have I done that requires an apology?”

“You lie to everyone Shinobu. You hide behind plastic smiles pretending to be someone you’re not to fill a void. Saying your fine and shrugging everyone off while holding them at arm's length. When I tried to talk to you, you pushed me away and told me to leave. You were dismissive, cold.”

(Y/n) wrapped her arms around herself as if a chilling wind overcame her. Continuing on, she spoke lowly before Shinobu could speak her denial.

“Not to say that I don’t have my own fault in all of this. Even if I thought you really wanted me gone that night, I should have fought harder for you. I knew you were hurting, but I gave up and left anyway. That is something I’ve thought about a lot in our time apart and I regret it every day because you were worth fighting for.”

(Y/n) blew out a harsh breath of air, running a hand over her scalp she made her closing statement.

“If there was one thing you were right about last night, it’s that I’m a coward and I’m sorry that I didn’t try harder.”

(Y/n) chanced a look at Shinobu’s face. The Hashira’s eyes rounded and her mouth was ever so slightly agape. The silence hung in the air until a sweet wisteria breeze swept through the trees and (Y/n) cleared her throat and looked away.

“So if we could at least pretend to get along for the sake of the girls, I think Aoi would appreciate it.” (Y/n) added before reaching down to collect her basket. A sudden noise, like air being rapidly released through one’s nose, came from behind (Y/n) and she paused in her movements to glance back at Shinobu who was looking down at the leaf she was worrying between her fingers.

“I... apologize, for pushing you away in such a way that made you think you had to exile yourself. It was also cruel of me to say you didn’t care about us when I knew that you thought of this place as your home. I was trying to hurt you back and that was wrong of me. I’m sorry.” Shinobu solemnly said.

Now it was (Y/n)’s turn to stare. Soon, Shinobu leveled a cocky smile and stood with her basket of leaves and a few other miscellaneous plants she gathered.

“Looks like you were wrong about my ability to apologize, hm?” She said.

“Shut up. Don’t ruin the moment.” (Y/n) smiled, reaching for her own basket.

The atmosphere surrounding the girls leaving the forest felt a lot more relaxed than it had upon entering.

***

Days turned into weeks and everything seemed so much better after. It was still awkward at times, but (Y/n) and Shinobu were finding their rhythm again. There was still a little hostility at times, but rather than avoid each other, they talked it out. It was almost frightening how in sync they were when they were working well together.

(Y/n) split her time between helping Shinobu with the slayers turned spiders and helping the younger girls train Tanjirou. She was elated by the boy’s progress as he finally managed to catch Kanao. She had noticed Zenitsu and Inosuke lurking nearby and gestured to the room. Now that they knew recovery training was possible and Tanjirou was leaving them in the dust, the rambunctious boys finally felt the need to catch up with their comrade’s progress.

Before long, the boys were well enough to continue the training on their own and (Y/n) found herself spending more and more time with Shinobu. They would spend hours talking or saying nothing at all, just enjoying each other’s company while they worked away on medicines and poisons.

It didn’t take long for (Y/n) to notice the difference. How Shinobu took up more than her fair share of space in (Y/n)’s thoughts. Even just catching sight of her across the garden was starting to make (Y/n)’s heart leap. On the occasion Shinobu would spot her she’d smile and wave, making (Y/n)’s heart stop all together before kicking into overdrive. The lingering touches and whispered words Shinobu would share with her as they worked in the lab certainly didn’t help either. Just when (Y/n) had thought they finally found their dynamic... Why was it changing again already?

(Y/n) was telling Naho, Sumi and Kiyo the story of how she met Tanjirou and Nezuko while she patted the demon’s head. Ever since Nezuko had woken up, the younger girls, though skittish at first, had grown to be fascinated and even enamored with her. As (Y/n) retold the tale, Nezuko humming happily at her side, Shinobu happened upon the group.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to cut this session short. Tanjirou and the others are ready to get back out on the road now. Something about joining Rengoku-san on his next mission.”

“How did I not here about this plan sooner?” (Y/n) frowned.

“That’s a question best suited for Tanjirou to answer I suppose.” Shinobu replied rather emotionlessly, concerning (Y/n).

So while everyone else was getting ready to leave, (Y/n) pulled Tanjirou aside and asked him what was going on.

“I didn’t tell you we were leaving because I hope you’ll stay and continue to rebuild the relationships you have here, (Y/n)-san. I appreciate everything you’ve done for Nezuko and I, and now I hope to return the favor.” Tanjirou smiled brightly.

“And how do you figure you’re doing that?” (Y/n) crossed her arms.

“Because the longer you get to stay here, the more time you get to spend with Shinobu-san! I can smell that you two want to be together more now than ever.”

“You and your nose I swear,” heat radiated off of (Y/n)’s cheeks, “I think you have intuition and that sense mixed up.”

Tanjirou merely laughed in response.

“So, you guys think you’ll really be okay without me? You’ll stay out of trouble?”

“Don’t worry, (Y/n)-san! We’ll see each other again soon!” Tanjirou beamed.

(Y/n) smiled in return and they rejoined the send off.

“Where did Shinobu-san go?” Tanjirou wondered.

(Y/n) looked around and sure enough, the Pillar was nowhere to be seen.

“She must have had something urgent to attend to,” she answered, making a note to search for her later.

(Y/n) stood out in the garden until the loud group disappeared into the trees and their shouts could no longer be heard over the rustling of the leaves. She took a moment to stare out into the clear blue sky before returning inside.

(Y/n) was going to go look for Shinobu, but she wanted to go to her room to change her uniform first since Zenitsu had snotted all over it in his tearful goodbye.

She opened the door and was surprised to find Shinobu already inside. Shinobu’s back was turned to her as she quickly ran a sleeve over her face. She cleared her throat before facing back with a weak smile.

“(Y/n), forget something?”

“Huh?” (Y/n) blinked, still trying to process why Shinobu might have just been tearing up in her room of all places.

“The others must be ready to leave now. You better pick up what you needed so they don't have to wait too long.”

“They already left, Shinobu.” (Y/n) explained. “I hadn’t planned on going with them.”

“Oh.” Shinobu turned to look outside the window of (Y/n)’s room, hoping the blood that buzzed in her cheeks hadn’t burned its way to her ears as well.

“Shinobu, is something wrong?” (Y/n) tested.

“I just feel a bit silly now I suppose.” Shinobu admitted, bringing a slight smile to (Y/n)’s face with her honesty. “I thought you were gone again.”

“Well, I wouldn’t leave without a proper goodbye, not again.” (Y/n) came up beside Shinobu, intending to give her hand a comforting squeeze when she felt something other than skin instead. Looking down she saw her old butterfly clip in Shinobu’s hand, a quick look at the empty spot at her desk confirmed it.

Shinobu noticed that (Y/n) had noticed and rose the hairclip up between them with a subdued exhale.

“You know, every morning I wonder if it will be the morning you feel comfortable enough to wear this again.” Shinobu said, twirling the insect in her fingers. “When I thought you were gone and I saw this still sitting on your desk, it brought me back to places I’d rather not think about.”

“I’m sorry,” (Y/n) rested her hand over the back of Shinobu’s haori, “I just haven’t felt... I don’t know, worthy of it? I didn’t intend to make you feel bad.”

A small puff of air left Shinobu’s nose at the words. “It isn’t a matter of worth, it’s about whether or not you feel like you belong here again. Whether or not you’re comfortable here.”

“Agree to disagree.” (Y/n) joked. “But if it makes you feel better, I’m glad I get to spend more time here. I’ve been happier in these last few weeks than in the last few years.”

“I’m glad.” Shinobu watched a couple of butterflies flutter against the window before turning back to the garden. “And if you insist on it being a matter of worth, you are more than worthy. It’s not even a question to me.”

“Thank you.” (Y/n) simpered. Her breathing hitched slightly when Shinobu reached up to run her fingers through a loose lock of (Y/n)’s hair.

“Would you let me do your hair?” Shinobu asked softly.

“I’d like that.” (Y/n) whispered.

Shinobu guided (Y/n) back to the desk and sat her down on the chair. She freed (Y/n)’s hair from its plain hair band and quietly ran a brush through her locks with such softness that (Y/n) felt like she might fall asleep. Shinobu gathered the hair in her hands and styled it as she wished, clipping it together with the butterfly hair clip. Shinobu checked over her work, her hands resting on (Y/n)’s shoulders.

“You look perfect.” (Y/n) shivered. She hadn’t expected Shinobu’s lips to be so close to her ear. Neither had she expected the lips to ghost over her cheek in a light kiss.

“I just remembered I have a meeting I need to attend. You’ll help the girls with the infirmary won’t you?”

(Y/n) had almost forgotten how to speak but managed to pull it together. “Of course! I’ll, um, see you when you get back?”

“Perhaps,” Shinobu removed her hands from (Y/n)’s shoulders, “I won’t be back until late though.”

“Okay.”

A shy hug (in slightly awkward positioning due to the gross state of the Kinoe’s uniform, courtesy of Zenitsu) and Shinobu parted ways with (Y/n). (Y/n) met up with the girls in the infirmary and was almost immediately met with a chorus of cheers from Naho, Kiyo and Sumi when they noticed her hair. Aoi and Kanao smiled at the sight as well. A full day of caring for the infirmary made (Y/n) excited to finally get into bed for the night.

She awoke with a scream caught in her throat. Old demons had visited her in her sleep. As she worked to calm her heart, she noticed the light of the full moon streaming through her window. With a few more deep breaths she sat up from her futon and wrapped her haori around her shoulders.

Quietly exiting her room, she padded through the halls until she found her way to the kitchen, a smile pulled at her lips when she found Shinobu already there boiling water.

“Rough night?” Shinobu asked. She was also in her bed wear, her hair hanging loose from its usual style.

“Yes,” (Y/n) moved to stand beside her, “it’s been awhile since the last one I had.”

“How did you deal with that when you were on the road?”

“I would buy little sacks of tea leaves as I went. On bad nights or whenever sleep eluded me I’d boil up some water and try a new blend. Yours was always the best though.”

“I was already going to make you a cup, no need for flattery.”

“No flattery here. Just the truth.” (Y/n) swore, making Shinobu’s smile just a tad fuller.

Shinobu finished preparing the cups and as (Y/n) took hers about ready to leave, the Hashira asked her to wait.

“It’s a full moon tonight. Want to watch the stars for a moment?” Shinobu asked.

“I’d love to.” (Y/n) nodded.

The pair walked outside along the engawa until they had a pleasant view of the full brightness of the moon. They sat along the engawa’s edge, letting their legs dangle as they sipped their tea in the drowning noise of cicada and cricket songs.

(Y/n) chanced a glance at Shinobu in her periphery and marveled at how the moonlight highlighted her skin to the point where she almost appeared to be glowing. The way it reflected off of her eyes was absolutely enchanting. (Y/n) forced her attention back on the sky. Though beautiful it seemed to pale in comparison to the girl next to her.

As her eyes traced over the larger craters of the moon, she thought back on an old saying she had read at one of the inns she had frequented. An old, battered collection of pages that she read through when sleep didn’t come. She had read that particular work quite a few times.

She wondered if perhaps Shinobu had read it too. Though more likely the girl had her face buried in medical texts than anything else. (Y/n) then wondered, if perhaps she could get away with saying it. A confession without consequence, but on the off change that Shinobu was knowledgeable on the old text it could damage the progress they had made in healing their relationship. Perhaps it would be better to just enjoy the moment. (Y/n) took another sip of tea.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

(Y/n) nearly choked on her tea, spluttering and coughing as she tried in vein to stop herself. Finally she managed to calm down only to notice how intently Shinobu was staring at her.

Had she meant that literally? Shinobu was looking at (Y/n) so expectantly, but it could easily just be because she had nearly blacked out from inhaling her tea!

“...It is.” (Y/n) finally answered hiding her face in her cup, looking at neither Shinobu nor the moon.

Another long silence filled by the chirps of insects enjoying the humid night air. (Y/n) had finished her tea and set her cup to her right, her free hand that had been resting between Shinobu and herself was soon covered by a cool and calloused touch.

(Y/n) shyly turned her head to meet the Pillar’s gaze and jumped a bit when her nose unexpectedly brushed against Shinobu’s.

“The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?” Shinobu repeated barely above a whisper. She was not pulling away.

(Y/n) felt her throat dry and she wished she had just one more swallow of tea left. With a slight quiver in her lips, she responded. Doing her best to stay focused on the purple irises before her.

“Yes,” she answered with a slight nod, careful not to bump head with Shinobu, “it is.”

“(Y/n)?” Shinobu called to her, cupping her face gently with the hand that wasn’t already resting on top of (Y/n)’s.

“Y.. yes?”

“Would you kiss me if I asked?” Shinobu murmured, filling (Y/n)’s senses with a dizzying wisteria scent. The slayer didn’t even try to talk herself out of answering such a query as the thumb of Shinobu’s hand swiped the corner of her lips.

“Yes.” She replied, nearly breathless already and her pupils blown wide.

“(Y/n), please kiss me.”

It was all too easy to lean in when they were already sitting so closely. The hand Shinobu had been using to cup her cheek weaved through the hair at the back of (Y/n)’s head, pulling her closer yet as their lips met a bit clumsily in buzzing, mind numbing bliss. (Y/n)’s free hand, the one not currently being clutched in a near death grip over the wooden floor, found home at the back of Shinobu’s neck, lightly massaging the skin there.

They broke apart a few times but the breaths they took were quick and few. Eventually they rested against each other while their abused lungs burned with a hunger for oxygen.

“I have wanted to do that for longer than I’d like to admit.” Shinobu quietly confessed, twisting a lock of (Y/n)’s hair though her fingers.

“Even when we were fighting?” (Y/n) joked, rubbing the back of Shinobu’s neck with her thumb.

“Strangely enough, yes. There were times when I thought about doing it just to shut you up. Though I didn’t dare allow myself to entertain the thought for long.”

(Y/n) chuckled and leaned in to steal another kiss, much less heated then the last few and much quicker as a chorus of surprised gasps made them pull apart and turn around.

“They kissed! They’re kissing!” Sumi cheered while Aoi tried to quiet her and push her back into the mansion.

Sumi and Kiyo emerged from the doorway that Shinobu had left open when she and (Y/n) first came out into the moonlight and were immediately hounding them for confirmation.

“We missed it! Do it again!” Kiyo pleaded.

“It’s like a fairy tale!” Naho cheered.

“You three!” Aoi grumbled with embarrassment. “Kanao, help me out here!”

Kanao looked between Aoi, the rowdy girls, then her sister and senpai, before settling on a nice golf clap of congratulations. This made Aoi lightly smack herself in the face and completely give up on trying to rein in the younger children.

“My, what are you all doing up I wonder?” Shinobu smiled.

“We wanted to watch the moon too Shinobu-sama! Aoi-san even made tea!” Naho clapped.

“But it’s clear you’re, busy, with something and we should go back inside.” Aoi rushed.

“Nonsense, it’s a lovely night. These things are best experienced with those you care about, don’t you all agree?”

“Yes!” Three excited voices readily agreed before wiggling in between the older girls with light blankets and their tea.

Aoi grumbled a half hearted reminder to be careful with the tea before sitting down beside (Y/n) with her own cup. Kanao took a seat beside Shinobu, lightly kicking her feet over the engawa as she started up silently at the moon.

They stayed up for hours, naming constellations, spotting shooting stars, and listening for the occasional loud croak of a far off frog in the thick of the cicadas and crickets.

Dawn wasn’t too far off when Naho, Sumi and Kiyo fell asleep. (Y/n), Shinobu and Kanao each picked one up and returned them to their rooms. Aoi gathered the discarded cups and helped with the doors before bidding the older girls goodnight, Kanao trailing behind her.

“What a lively night. I’m afraid chores will suffer tomorrow.” Shinobu mused as she walked (Y/n) back to her room.

“We’ll figure it out.” (Y/n) said, shyly brushing her hand against Shinobu’s and smiling when Shinobu laced their fingers together.

Once at (Y/n)’s room Shinobu raised (Y/n)’s hand to her lips with a smirk, planting a kiss on battle worn knuckles.

“This is where I leave you. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Why does that feel too long?” (Y/n) laughed quietly.

“I’m not sure, you’d think after four years of bitter silence a couple of hours would be a walk in the park.” Shinobu chuckled in return.

“I guess we just have a lot of time to make up for, huh?”

“Mm, that is a plausible line of reasoning,” Shinobu hummed, a spark growing in her eyes, “might I trouble you for one more kiss before I retire to my room?”

“I was hoping you’d ask.”

(Y/n) hardly got the words out before Shinobu was on her. Four kisses later and they pulled away with matching grins.

“I’ll see you in my dreams.” Shinobu added one last peck before pulling away.

“As will I.”

***

Well into the next morning (Y/n) awoke energized and ready to fight the world. She changed into a fresh uniform and pinned her hair with care, straightening the butterfly pin before rushing out of her room to begin her day with the young woman who had gifted it to her.

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